#this is mostly for milk and I but if anyone else benefits from this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lovecinnatwist · 3 years ago

Note

How would you go about writing omega Jason with Alpha Dick?

Man oh man- Omega!Jason with Alpha!Dick is always such a bop.

It depends really! I see so many fics with insecure Jason thinking Dick is too good for him which is nice and definitely in character- but sometimes it makes me crave the other end of the spectrum?

Like a confident, sexy Jason who teases Dick with his scent and body until the alpha wants to implode? I also like the idea of Jason being raised by an Omeganist!Alfred and Omega!Talia to be badass, sassy and sensual. Bras? Suppressants? Painful heats?

Not for Jason Todd!

He embraces his Omega-ninity and it wreaks havoc on Dick's hormones. Dick being a more conservative alpha would definitely find himself overwhelmed but enamored!

Here's something playful with a clumsy Alpha!Dick and confident pack Omega!Jason!

Tiddies Out - JayDick

Tags: Omegaverse, AlphaDick, OmegaJason, Pining, Crack treated Seriously, Lactating, Heat Cycles, Omega Tim, Alpha Bruce, Pup Damian- Just Dick being an obvious pining idiot and Jason enjoying his reactions-

Jason doesn’t mind being an omega. How could he when it’s one of the superior options? While Alpha’s often lost themselves to aggression during rutting season and beta’s scrambled to placate them- Omega’s got to sit back and watch the show.

Being the object of an alpha’s fascination has many perks. First off? The gifts. Lavish offerings make their way to him with little to no effort. Weaponry from Talia, Expensive silks and poisons from Ras, The latest tech from Tim and Bruce. It's an endless parade really. One of the few things that make this more bearable to put up with.

He’s a heavy milker. Always has been.

Maybe it’s from growing up in an abusive household. Perhaps it's in response to being closer to the pack’s pups or hell, maybe his body is just gearing up for the imaginary children it wants to have. Regardless of the reason Jason’s tits are aching.

They seem extra tender tonight. The cold dingy air does little to ease the tension under his armor. He shifts and the way his pads squish under bullet proof chest plates is a pain. He curses and tries to ignore it. Something that’s getting harder as the cotton under his clothing reaches its limit. Tsk- 4 hours his ass. It’s barely been 2 and he’s about to make a mess of his gear.

As annoying as it is. He reluctantly reaches into his kit to get two fresh napkins to change. Other omega’s might be shy to do this in public but Jason has always been more practical about it. Breasts are breasts, no reason to get all crazy about it.

Though it probably didn’t hurt that Jason himself had a nice rack. He knows what the other heroes say about him behind his back. His figure has never been more appreciated than now in his prime. The dip in the pit did wonders at helping him bulk up. Thighs thick, emphasising his trim waist. In the throws of season his ample chest gives him an illusion of an hourglass figure. While some people would say omega’s should be small and dainty, he has yet to meet an alpha or beta who can resist him.

Not to be vain but he is nothing else if not attractive.

He’s got his top half way off when the sound of a near violent thud echoes out in the darkness. The hiss of pain gives away the alpha before his scent can. Jason doesn’t even turn in his direction. Instead he keeps his attention on the sopping pads under the compression shirt. He hisses as the gentle adhesive pulls from his throbbing mamories.

“ You alright over there goldie? “

He gets a groan for an answer. A nicer person would have maybe let the other man know about his current state of undress. Too bad that Jason isn’t exactly known for being ‘nice’. He carefully wraps up one cotton cloth. Once he’s clean and dry, he applies another. It’s quick and easy work. The slight chill does wonders against his flush skin.

The worn form of Nightwing crawls from the side of the building. There’s a pretty good bruise on his cheek Jason is 90% sure that the acrobat had a less than graceful landing. He’s always been weird about nudity. Even back when they mostly had the same parts. He rolls his eyes as the man pointedly tries not to look at him. He can’t help scoffing at the false modesty.

“ Hood. You shouldn’t do this out in the open like this. Anyone could see you. “

Everyone knows Jason is an omega, by extension that means Red Hood. It’s one of the reasons why his territory is so well protected. No one wants to cross an omega. While the fangs in their mouths were now more for scruffing kits, no one had forgotten the days when they were for hunting prey and tearing out throats.

He would flash his at Dick but he’s wearing his helmet and would probably just looks stupid. He manages to get the other pad off. It’s absolutely drenched. His left teet is definitely working harder than the right. The sheer weight of the cotton makes a loud squelch as it hits the little plastic bag at his feet.

He snorts. “ And you know what they’d say N? Best tits in Gotham. “

The alpha’s face is anything but amused. The furrow of his brow and spike in his scent is territorial and aggressive. It’s laughable really considering the fact that between the two of them, Jason is actually the one in charge of protecting the pack. It’s all a part of being the lead omega.

Whether Bruce or Dick want to accept it or not.

“ Stop objectifying yourself like that. “

Jason enjoys the feeling of being clean and dry as he gets the other cotton adhesive on. It’s a welcome sensation. Especially when he straightens his armor and it’s a little less chafing and tight.

“ It’s only objectication if I say I’m only a nice pair of tits Wing. Luckily I’ve got a nice set of thighs too.“

He pays Dick no mind as he stands and packs away his used pads to be thrown away later. He might have to call it an early night at the rate. With the way fall is quickly approaching his heat is just dying to make an appearance. Perhaps he could get away with offering himself to the foster system. With the amount of milk he’s making now it would be better for the pups who need it to benefit instead of it all going to the trash.

“ Hood! “ The sound is a scandalized growl. It’s funny enough that Jason throws his head back and laughs free and clear. With the voice modulator it’s mean and menacing. Amusement bubbles in his chest. He can’t help taking off his helmet so that Dick can take in just how wide his smile is.

“ Sorry Wing. I’m a pretty girl. What can I say? “

Talia is nothing but progressive. While many omega’s in the west suffer from low self esteem. Jason learned his worth quickly. Confidence is beauty. The more one loves themselves, adores them selves and takes time to know themselves the more they blossom. It’s a deep healing that not everyone gets to understand. A privilege for a few chosen omegas. He cocks his head and smiles and see’s the exact moment Dick starts losing his footing in the conversation.

The alpha is tongue tied.

“ That’s not what I mean and you know it Hood. “

Jason shrugs. Once he’s got his stuff away he’s ready to run roofs and actually get some work done.

“ Sorry Goldie. It’s 2021 and haven’t you heard? Red Hood says free the tiddies. “

He doesn’t wait for a response as he makes a running start towards the edge of the building. It’s always such a thrill. He tucks a bit to clear the gap. The moment his legs touch the concrete the sound is silent despite the bulk of his frame. Dick calls after him but he loses the words in the wind. Laughter bubbles up in his throat. He wouldn’t be a prude just because his family wanted to be sexually repressed more than they wanted to be happy.

Dick doesn’t try to catch up with him and Jason finishes the night patrolling with Tim and Stephanie.

He manages to get an entire three hours out of the next set of pads. Instead of changing out in the open he accepts Alfred’s invitation back at the manor for a warm bath and cookies. Tim stares at his chest while Jason gets himself decent.

Tim is a gorgeous omega, with a slender petite frame and porcelain doll-like features. He always seems to get shy in the presence of Jason’s more unconventional curves.

Jason knows what low self esteem looks like. The younger omega wears it no matter how much bravo he tries to exude. Jason brushes against him briefly and lightly. His usual fragrance is marshmellowy from the sweetness of milk that clings to it.

There’s an immediate blush as Tim ducks away. Clearly he’s embarrassed from being caught. Though in reality where is the shame in a little boob appreciation amongst omegas?

“ You know Timmy, you gotta stop wearing bras. Maybe if you show a glimpse of those pretty pink nips Kon would take the hint. “

Tim goes red from his ears to his chest. Jason can practically see the steam coming from his ears. He slaps his hands over his petite breast quick enough to hurt. Jason wants to let him scamper off but instead he presses into his space even more. Long gone is the perfume of pup, now that Tim has come fully into his omega hood. Every day his scent leans more and more towards caramel and sugar.

“ Uhg you’re such a jerk. “

Tim tries to dodge out of his hold but Jason gets him anyway. The omega yelps and Jason ducks him right between each swollen peck. They are red and tender from patrol. He hasn’t put on new pads yet so some milk beads at his nipples. The little shriek Tim lets out is hilarious.

“ You’re going to get milk in my hair! Jason stop- God you suck- “

The omega fights and Jason lets him go before the two actually get into it. It’s light and playful. Well for the most part. Tim gets some milk on his face and the teen honest to God looks terrified. He curses all the way to the shower stall to take another quick bath all while Jason cackles at his misfortune.

“ I swear to God, when I start milking I'm going to get you back Ten fold! “

Jason rolls his eyes. As if.The last thing Jason’s afraid of is milk. It’s a natural thing. God everyone in this pack is repressed.

“ We’ll see about that Timberella! “

The omega hisses and Jason has to hold back a laugh as he leaves the shower. He’s so light and high from the interaction that he completely for gos a shirt. Not that he really wants to wear one. Not with how milk heavy and tender his chest is. Alfred’s always been pretty cool about it too. Being from the 60’s and all that jazz.

Jason maybe gets half way through the cave before the sound of metal crashing draws his attention. Dick walks cleanly into one of the metal tables in the middle of the lab space, knocking over tools and gadgets.

Bruce is thoroughly unimpressed from where he’s helping Damian stretch before bed. He’s in half of his costume, suppressors and scent blockers gone. The sheer disappointment in Damian’s gaze is astonishing.

“ Richard, please control yourself. “

The alpha looks like a deer caught in headlights, his mortification absolutely palpable in the air.

Jason does catch his eyes on his chest though. He smirks and sees the moment horror grows in those bright blue eyes. Instead of heading towards the stairs he decides to circle back towards the group.

Bruce chuffs from his position on the floor. He doesn’t stop what he’s doing but does tilt towards him in reverence. It’s been the biggest change in their dynamic. Bruce finally learning to respect Jason as not only a pack mate, but the pack omega. He greets him with a scenting.

Unlike Dick the alpha seems to pay little attention to his milking.

Damian’s puppy nose twitches as he leans towards him. It makes his heart flutter really. While Damian would never ask, Jason has thought of offering his breast many times. While Technically too old for it, they’ve all done their fair share of growing up too quickly. Something that Jason Laments as well as appreciates.

He scents Damian more thoroughly than Bruce, making him bristle. The boy tries to move out of his hold, hands swatting him away.

“ Todd cease your pestering immediately! If I smell of milk my peers will assume I still breastfeed. “

Jason snorts and pulls back from the prickly pup. Bruce gets a stupid fond look on his face and for a brief moment he feels it echoing on his lips.

“ And what’s wrong with that? If your pack omega is milking of course as a pup you’re welcome to it. “

Damian’s green eyes widen a fraction. His mouth opens in disbelief. Clearly, Damian in fact did not know that. Bruce stares as well, his scent turning into a sweet blend of ‘love-admiration-awe’. It draws a shiver up Jason’s spine. The tender mix of affection from his pack blankets over him like a net of spun sugar.

Jason doesn’t know why he feels drawn to look at Dick. The alpha hasn’t said anything in the past minute. He cuts his gaze to the stone still alpha and his heart flutters in excitement. The looks of jealousy and want is so strong that his intentions sparkle clear like aquamarine in shallow ocean waters.

The alpha is so much more honest when he thinks Jason isn’t looking.

He grins at Dick.

The alpha immediately shrinks in shame and embarrassment.

“ And of course any alpha spending my heat with me. “

#cinnatalks #Alpha!Dick #Omega!Jason #Omegaverse #Answer #Ficlets #Tiddies out #jaydick

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writingbeary · 4 years ago

Text

One Chip Challenge

Note:

Set around Year 2020

Words in italics are in English

You can watch ATEEZ’ challenge here!

────────── ♔ ──────────

The production crew drove ATEEZ downtown for a shoot. Minyoung really enjoyed recording their previous challenges even with the randomness of each mission, she particularly enjoyed their first challenge because she got to see San pretend to be an old man and she took every opportunity to tease him about it.

Looking around, she saw that there were mostly food shops around the street they will be filming in. There’s a row of coffee shops on one side and an ice cream shop in front.

When the staff told them that they’ll be eating ice cream today, everyone could see how excited and happy she is.

“Are you that happy?” Hongjoong laughed as he watched the girl literally bounce in place.

“Of course! We’re having ice cream. Finally, I can eat some!” Minyoung said smiling brightly.

“But knowing the staff, they’ll make us do something ridiculous before we could eat anything.” Wooyoung noted looking at the crew who were still setting up their filming equipment.

“Our babies are so happy when they heard icecream.” Yunho chuckled noticing both Minyoung and Jongho practically beaming.

“If the challenge is to quickly finish the icecream then Minyoung can win this easily.” Mingi wondered outloud as he was getting his mic set-up

“Especially if Wooyoung-hyung decides to take a bite out of hers again.” Jongho quipped

“Yah. I swear you guys never let me forget that. I won’t do it!” Wooyoung groaned as the incident was brought up again. It has been a year since it happened but it’s still consistently being brought up to tease him.

“That’s true.” Seonghwa laughed remembering something “Ever since that happened, he would always ask Minyoung before eating any of her stuff.”

Yeosang agreed chuckling, adding on “Last time, Minyoung was eating chips in the waiting room then Wooyoung asked if he could eat one.”

“What did you do to him?” Mingi, looked at Minyoung and asked her laughing

“I didn’t do anything though?” Minyoung pouted “It wasn’t really a huge deal but I might have been really down that day that I got emotional.”

“Mintokki cried. That’s what happened.” San grinned piping in “Our crybaby bunny”

“I didn’t cry!” Minyoung protested pouting “I just got teary-eyed is all.” making the whole group laugh

The staff handed a box to Minyoung and told her to open it. She looked at the box suspiciously, scared that something would pop up as soon as she opens it, before peeking at the contents inside. Her confused look as she read the label before gasping “Omo. We’re ruined.”

“Why? Why? What is it?” Jongho asked as he stood up taking the box to check "What’s that? First, it looks like a coal.”

“Huh? Let me see.” Mingi followed as he took the item from Jongho’s hands.

“Ah it’s chips.” Jongho finally reading the label

“Ah! I know this one. “ Mingi held the product and explained to the other members “These are the spiciest chips in the world!”

“Oh! This is the One Chip Challenge! One Chip Challenge!” San stated excitedly

“You said we’re getting icecream.” Minyoung pouted at the staff while they assure her that she will get to eat ice cream but today’s mission involves the famous spiciest snack.

The teams were made by the staff: Mingi and Jongho, Hongjoong and Seonghwa, San and Wooyoung, and Yunho and Yeosang. Since they were odd in number, the staff decided to give an extra benefits for the team that wins the pre-game and partners up with Minyoung.

Minyoung was grouped together with Wooyoung and San after they won rock, paper, and scissors against the other teams.

“I heard these chips are really spicy.” Minyoung said as she stared at the chips already scared at the thought of eating them.

“I watched some videos and the people who tried it really drank milk from the jug.” San nodded patting Wooyoung’s and Minyoung’s backs as the two of them would be the ones eating the chip.

“Minyoung-ah, are you really sure about this?” Hongjoong asked the girl as she volunteered to eat the chip with Wooyoung.

“I am scared. I’m bad with spicy stuff but if I take the challenge then we’ll get the easiest order.” Minyoung let out a sigh before smiling at the leader and turning to San “Just make sure to order fast oppa. I believe in you.”

“Of course! I’ll do it faster than anyone.” San grinned nodding

“Wow. The chip is totally black.” Mingi exclaimed as Jongho opens his pack to attempt the mission.

“It just smells salty though.” Mingi described the chip to the other members.

“Omo. From afar, it just looks like chocolate bark.” Minyoung squinted staring at the chip

“Are you thinking of anyone right now?” Seonghwa asked as Jongho was quiet, looking as if he was contemplating all of his life choices at the moment.

“This is really scary. How bad can it really be?” Minyoung mumbled holding unto her team’s arms, scared for both Jongho who will try it first and for her who will eventually try it.

“Why are your hands trembling?” Seonghwa chuckled seeing the youngest fidgeting “Ah. I have the seasoning in my hand.” before he tried the seasoning left on his fingers, his shocked expression evoking scared laughter from the rest of the members.

“I just tasted maybe 3 spices but my tongue is..prickling.” Jongho described as he tried to ease up a bit before starting the challenge.

“Waah. Even with just that?” Minyoung gasped. She then held unto a bottle of milk ready in case anyone will need it.

As the first team started their challenge, Minyoung’s eyes were trained on Jongho’s face watching his expression turn into a slight grimace. “How spicy is that?”

“How spicy is it? Can you tell us?” Hongjoong asked curious as Jongho usually could handle spicy food but looks as if he is having a hard time

“I have hiccups right now.” Jongho managed to say before hiccuping.

“Oh no. How could you? Wow!” Wooyoung exclaimed half amazed and scared

“Mingi-oppa! Hurry! Jongho’s crying right now.” Minyoung called out to Mingi who was having a hard time remembering what toppings they needed to get.

Thankfully, Mingi finished paying for the order and running out with 6.8 seconds left on the timer. Having been successful in the attempt, it was now Team 2’s turn to try.

“Yah. Seonghwa, what will you do?” Hongjoong asked laughing as he finds the situation scary yet amusing. The former could only let out a forced smile as he steels his resolve to eat. Out of the two of them, Seonghwa could eat spicy food better than Hongjoong so he decided to be the one to eat the chip. Besides, Hongjoong could probably order the food better since he is more fluent in English between the two of them.

“To be honest, the second I smelled it I thought that it can’t be that spicy. In all my life, I’ve eaten plenty of spicy stuff but this is the first time I got hiccups from eating something.” Jongho confessed still feeling the aftertaste in his mouth.

“Jongho-yah. Do you think I’ll die eating it?” Minyoung asked already terrified evoking laughter from the production staff

“Young-ah. You really should just do the ordering and let San-hyung eat.” Jongho said seriously making Minyoung gasp “Okay. I’ll eat and die honorably then.” laughing awkwardly

“It’s that bad?” Seonghwa sighed, laughing to himself trying to keep his mind off it. “When I first saw this I thought the day might come when I’d have to eat it.”

“Me too!” Wooyoung and Yunho agreed thinking the same

“I guess that day’s finally here.” Seonghwa sighed as he opened the packet taking a deep breath before placing the chip in his mouth. Minyoung immediately hugging Seonghwa as he chewed on the chip.

“Omo. Oppa what to do” Minyoung rubbed his back trying to comfort him as he tries to hold it out “Seonghwa-oppa’s ears are red right now.”

“Hyung, cry if you need to.” Wooyoung looked on as the eldest describes the feeling. As soon as Hongjoong stopped the timer, Minyoung immediately gave Seonghwa the bottle of milk.

“Wooyoung-oppa..what do we do?” Minyoung asked as she held up the packaging of chip, glaring at it while Wooyoung could only smile awkwardly realizing they’ll be trying it next. “Minyoung-ah..”

“Don’t worry you two. I’m gonna order faster than anyone else.” San promised the two patting their arms “When the icecream’s ready, I’ll feed you both. Hang in there okay?”

Both Minyoung and Wooyoung let out an almost sorrowful laugh not knowing how to react before starting the challenge. The two of them kept quiet trying to take their minds off the taste.

The cameras zoomed in on Minyoung’s face as it turned red and tears spilled out from her eyes. “Save me please.” She managed to say before wriggling around and doing whatever she could to hold on, while waiting for San. Wooyoung holding on better as he kept quiet concentrating on anything else but the the chip.

“Yah. Youngie’s dying!” Mingi laughed but felt sorry for the poor girl who is now hugging Jongho tightly, who patted her back comfortingly knowing how it feels firsthand.

“I’m done!” San ran out stopping the clock with 30 seconds to spare.

“I think Wooyoung endured it best so far.” Yeosang noted seeing his friend walking around while waiting for the ice cream. “How is it? Can’t you describe it for a bit?”

“Don’t talk to me.” Wooyoung cut him off feeling sensitive as his tongue has gone numb

“Can’t you tell from how Minyoung looks right now?” Yunho chuckled as he pointed to the girl who looked about ready to bite onto something just to alleviate the pain.

Luckily the icecream came soon after, San delivering his promise to the two and feeding them quickly.

“Our Young-Young did well.” Seonghwa chuckled as the two scarf down the icecream trying to remove the aftertaste of the chip.

The three teammates shared their icecream glad they completed it successfully. The production staff letting the group order another one since they have more members that's sharing one cup.

“San-oppa. Don’t even think about trying it.” Minyoung warned the male looking seriously “It’s just pure pain.” San could only nod patting her back.

When Yunho and Yeosang started the challenge, they were surprised that Yunho seemed to be holding on well and more when he licked the leftover seasoning from his fingers.

“Yunho, your ears are starting to get red.” San pointed out laughing

“Yeah. It’s starting to get spicy” Yunho replied but maintaining his poker face as the members laugh

Everyone but the last team failed due to their complicated order. As they were wrapping up the episode, everyone complimented the maker of the chip for having made the product.

“The icecream works like magic. I just had a little and I’m fine already.” Yunho nodded as he took another bite.

“This is once in a lifetime experience. Don’t try it anymore.” Seonghwa concluded evoking laughter from the staff and members

“Like Seonghwa-oppa said, it’s a once in a lifetime experience. But that once could end up badly. Don’t try this at home. We somehow made it through but it’s really hard.” Minyoung nodded still teary-eyed and sniffing a bit.

“Seriously! Everyone watching this episode at home. Don’t try this at home. Really don’t” Wooyoung looked straight into the camera warning the viewers, still shaken up by the taste of the chip ending the episode.

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ATEEZ Minyoung Masterlist

Disclaimer: This is just a work of fiction. Any portrayal of real people is a combination based on what we could see on cameras and imagination of the author. This is purely fan fiction written for entertainment. Thank you for understanding.

��━━━━━ʕ ˵• ₒ •˵ ʔ━━━━━━

Writing Beary Corner

To the anon that suggested to do an episode of Hello82. Thanks! ♡ i hope you get to read this and well enjoy this one haha

-Mimi

#kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #ateez scenarios #ateez 9th member #ateez au #ateez oc #kpop au #kpop oc #ateez minyoung #park minyoung #minyoung masterlist #writing beary

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botwstoriesandsuch · 4 years ago

Text

Kip v Age of Calamity

For someone who writes tough shit on Age of Calamity, you sure don’t see me writing a better story. So maybe I should stop complaining and be satisfied with what was given to me.

...or...

...maybe we can dedicated a few hours of my time to spite an ask.

Even though the entire argument of “why are you mad if you can’t write a story yourself” is inherently flawed and pointless considering that’s the equivalent of telling me I should chug spoiled milk because I’ve never milked a cow, I’ll fucking step up to the plate here, I’ll put my money where my mouth is.

So here is Part 1 of your residential Kip approved rewrite of Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity. Or as I like to call it:

Ok so before I get into it, a couple things I wanna establish. First, I know I just said I’m doing this out of spite, but I’m actually also doing this for fun. I really enjoy and am passionate about the writing process, so if you were looking for an angry rant about how terrible everyone’s opinions are about everything, this isn’t that. I don’t think that I am a better writer than anyone, or than the professionals that made this game, or that I am somehow superior to Nintendo. I am someone with the benefit of hindsight, I don’t have the constraints of producers and mandated directives and executives rubbing their hands in the story to make it more marketable or dumbed down or any of the other chaos that goes into crafting a videogame. So while obviously I think the people involved in this could have done a much better job, this isn’t a bash to say, “look how easy it is to make a story” because there’s a ton of unseen drama that goes into development that I have the luxury of avoiding, and it’s a miracle that any games are coherent and enjoyable in the first place. I’m just a lil Kip doing a fun lil exercise.

This little series is also not going to be a fanfic. I’m going to be telling the story chronologically as if you were playing for yourself, but it’s going to be from my omniscient perspective because 1) I need to relate the story to the gameplay 2) That would take way too much time to actually make this into a fanfiction as it already takes a hell of a lot of time to even plan out the beats of this rewrite and 3) This is less going to be a telling of a story, and more of a fun little exploration on the Three Act Structure and The Hero’s Journey. In fact, I am going to try and keep the given story of Age of Calamity as intact as possible.

The general ending is going to be the same, the characters used are going to remain roughly unchanged, (there will be no new characters, or removal of characters) and characters that live or die and where they end up are going to be mostly the same with how the original game is written. I know, I know, we all would love to see the Champions die brutally or to get us that sweet sweet Link angst or to have a game with multiple endings. And even though I personally would change some of those premises in Age of Calamity, I’m going to strive to keep it all as intact as possible, just to prove wrong the misconception that the story was only bad because of the writer’s choices for the general arc. I am a firm believer that biggest weaknesses of this game are in its methods of conveying its story, a problem in the storytelling process, and not (necessarily/only) the story product itself.

If you want to use any of the ideas that I present, go for it! I release them into the public domain, I have no plans whatsoever to write a fanfic for this myself, in fact I already have my own separate Pre-Botw fic story that I am pouring myself into, so I give the people full permission to take these ideas off of me.

Alrighty! With all that out of the way, let’s get into:

HERE IS THE VERSION IN A GOOGLE DOC FORM BECAUSE TUMBLR HATES YOU MOBILE PEEPS

Spoilers! Obviously. I’m going to act on the assumption that you know the full story of Age of Calamity to save myself some time, capiche?

Ok so we start out the game roughly the same, with eggbot being chased and forced to time travel into a portal. But, there is going to be some important differences in details.

We have the part of the scene where Zelda awakens her powers, and at the same time, something else in Hyrule Castle glows with the same aura. However, this glow is not coming from the Princess’ Tower, but instead, the camera pulls back from the fields of Fort Hateno, sweeps over Hyrule (where you can see the Guardians and the sense of destruction and all that) and the camera eventually flies over Castle Town, then within the Castle, weaving through the halls, until the camera stop and focuses on the entrance of a destroyed room, slowly creeping in. It’s a room that’s been demolished, stone rubble from Guardian blasts ruin the floor and cave in from the ceiling, there’s a small fire in the corners of the room, and from the props that you can make out, it seems to look like some study or office of some sort. The room is small, but domed and circular, signifying that it’s of a bit more importance than you might think . The desks and books and all buried beneath this collapsed stone brick. But as the camera focuses on that pile of rocks, from within that rubble, you see that same glowing aura that Zelda has, glowing brighter and brighter until finally out pops, eggbot.

Now, you can have that same sequence within the game where he runs around all cute, the outter wall of the room is broken so eggbot can look outside and see the Calamity’s destruction. Then that cut to Zelda saying “I want to save...everyone,” and this is important because I need the fade in between Zelda’s line and the fade back to eggbot to wordlessly imply that he is hearing these words, something that’s already done pretty well in the original cutscene. Anyhow, then the Guardian Stalker pops from behind, prepares to shoot, and eggbot can escape into its little time portal, and then the malice follows or whatever.

However, I’m not gonna immediately cut to the title, but instead, we have the music build to eggbot’s little jump in a pretty climactic way. But then the music still lingers slightly, and rests in suspense, camera is still looking out the window where eggbot jumped. It pulls back, turning back into this room that eggbot emerged from. Music is still relatively silent. Then, from the corner, you see some of the fire suddenly catch onto something. Flattened between the rocky rubble, just a few feet where eggbot emerged, is a purple cloak, trimmed with gold, flapping just slightly in the wind. [Said flapping being what causes it to catch] The fire catches, burning through the cloak, and underneath it, is a fallen copy of the Sheikah tapestry of 10k years ago. Camera zooms into that art of the Calamity, music suspends, merge to title card, then the music hits that climax and BOOM, “Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity.” Main Theme plays. Let the opening title roll.

Now the reason I changed this slightly is because 1) I wanted to earlier set up some of the plot points that I have planned for this (some of which you might already guess or maybe not who knows *wink wink*) and 2) I think that the original opening could have been much stronger with its hook. Yes, the element of mystery is established with eggbot’s existence and that element of time travel, but then the opening immediately goes into saying “This is the tale of champions, a diminutive Guardian who traveled backwards through time, and the Great Calamity they faced.” So...you just dampened that hook you established two seconds ago because you explained it all. Sure, it doesn’t completely ruin it, but I think the impact would be much stronger if that text wasn’t there at all, and the music and hype of the tapestry moving and coming alive is all there was. I’d much rather that element of time travel just be explained through the cinematography itself, because you can already understand that perfectly with that scene where you see the portal lead into birds flying around a beautiful Hyrule Castle.

Also, the music in this game is fantastic! So letting moments that really let you soak it in, I think would be very beneficial. So now this scene serves as a much more effective hook before we get into the actual plot. The mystery of eggbot’s identity is heightened and left a bit more unexplained, you have this mysterious circular room that you’ve never seen before, and the set up of details that will eventually serve later revelations in the plot, cough cough.

Then you hit Chapter 1, Link gameplay, eggbot and the tower, that’s all the same. I got no changes for the story there, it’s a great introduction. However! I know my strength here is writing and I am by no means a game developer or designer, but I need, I absolutely need to add one aspect to the gameplay.

Near the end of the first stage, where there are those three moblins at the end, I want to add something that I’m going to call, a gambit. The game already introduced you to the special meter and “press a to use special attack” thing, but I want Impa and Link to use a gambit to defeat this last horde of moblins. Essentially, you press A to use your special attack, BUT, if another character is in proximity, the attack is even more powerful. Every pair of characters has a special little attack, that does tons of damage, and during said sequence, there are voiced lines, or at the very very least text boxes that comment on it. And with this gambit, while a regular solo special attack still does a lot of damage, I’m gonna nerf it slightly to encourage players to use this gambit feature.

Now, why did I add this? Because I need to better connect this gameplay to the story on more than an external “lets defeat this and go from point A to point B” type of way. I need something in the gameplay to better serve to the game’s main theme of “teamwork makes the dreamwork” and all that. The CURRENT gameplay, although absolutely fun and fantastic, just doesn’t do this. I need just one element to serve this theme while ALSO having the dual purpose of serving as character interaction. The current structure of Age of Calamity works where the sidequests and battle serve as your character interaction, development, and banter, while the cutscenes serve the main story beats, and important plot revelations. The cutscenes just aren’t crafted to support the weight of these dozens of characters while also giving them all interesting interactions, and that’s fine! So I’m just adding this feature to the gameplay, because being able to customize different lines for different characters for different stages that are voiced will go a long way into making the character development seem more fleshed out. And this gambit feature doesn’t necessarily change the way you play the game drastically, as you can still have four character slots and have them split up to take on the battlefield, but now you can split them off into groups of 2. And also, because I’m not completely blind to game design, the damage percentage boost of these gambit attacks will not increase as much, just slightly lower, than the damage boost of a solo attack when you level up. So what I mean is, when your character is weaker level, you are forced to rely on others in order to defeat your enemies, but, with the way the leveling up percents work, your characters can still reach a point where they can defeat big bosses all on their own without gambits. THAT way, when certain events happen in later chapters, when your character is all leveled up, (and maybe they awaken a sacred power or two) it feels all the more powerful when you can go off on your own. You can feel how your character has grown in strength because you can contrast it with your teamwork gameplay of earlier levels. AND it still highlights the importance of that theme of companionship, because you would never have gotten to this level of strength had you not relied on your friends.

OK, so the stage 1 ends with a gambit attack, Impa compliments Link’s fighting style or something that shows her admiration or respect for him. And then stage 2 for the Road to the Royal Lab is the same, but gambit dialogue for that stage is Impa complimenting Link, Impa being protective of Zelda, and since this is Zelda’s first playable area, Zelda’s gambit lines can be about kinda brushing Link aside like “I want to capable to hold my own in battle but thank you” to Link (cause I never really got that same “I don’t really like you” vibe that is established in botw for this game) and then to Impa Zelda’s gambit lines can be like “is this thrill what you always feel when battling?” and Impa is like “yeah isn’t it great we should do it more often!” and then you can allude to that with a sidequest for Zelda’s training or something. I just want to better connect sidequest stories with this stuff. And also, gambits are obviously optional so that’s why this is all just banter and character development and not actually plot points, and I’m going to stick with just one-on-one dialogue, although it should be theoretically possible to have gambit boosts of three and four, but I feel that would be too much as I don’t want to ruin the gameplay balance and encourage you to keep all four character slots close together, because splitting them up is an important part of the game. Anyhow!

So Chapter 1 is done, my changes being almost purely in the gameplay because this is the start of the story and the character set up is important. Chapter 1 to Chapter 2 is basically the establishment of the ordinary world, and in the Three Act Structure it’s basically Act 1. Act 1 is all about set up. I need to really focus this chapter on both introducing the player to the mechanics of the game, having them connect to the characters and the characters connect to each other through the gameplay, and I need to establish this tone so that when I rip it away, and change the tone during the threshold, it feels more meaningful and suspenseful.

As you can see from the diagrams, Act 1 has something called the Inciting Incident. The Inciting Incident is going to be the Yiga attack in Chapter 2, where our heroes first experience the true dangers of their journey, and there is no turning back. BUT I’m getting ahead of myself.

Chapter 2 is also exactly the same. I would literally change nothing about the Champion’s sections (other than my addition of gambit interaction of course) because they’re all pretty great. For the record, yes, evil egg is still a thing, and yes, Zelda and the gang can still discover those pictures of the Calamity in eggbot, yes you beat up Revali, and the Divine Beast sequences are the same. I just really need that gambit dialogue to help establish character relations. Revali quips at Link, Mipha protects him, Daruk is his buddy [I thought a cool gambit attack for Link and Daruk to better show that they are old friends could be them both chewing down on some rocks, before striking an enemy simultaneously. Because they never eat rocks together and I just want this ok] Kohga is the same, Sooga is the same, BUT, for that scene when you first meet Astor in the Yiga base, I need two things to happen. 1) The camera reveal for Astor starts at his cloak, which is intact and NOT tattered like how his design is in game. It’s a deep purple with gold trim, the camera pans up to the back of Astor’s head. Now 2) When the camera moves to look at Astors face, I need him to be standing in front of and staring solemnly at the evil eggbot. He’s frowning, and his eyes suggest something like he’s deep in thought of something in the distant past. That’s how the scene starts, and in the background is Kohga recounting the events of his failure to beat Urbosa and the gang. Then, Kohga can say something funny to annoy him, Astor’s face changes to your classic villain disgust. Then, he can get a bit pissed and go on his little rant about how pathetic the Yiga are and how the Calamity is trapped within the evil eggbot and how he will use his powers to end the Kingdom of Hyrule. Then he can take his little astrolabe and be all “My harbinger, show me the future!” and all that. IMPORTANT LINE CHANGE, Astor’s motivation here is not “The future, as it will and must be. I will not allow anyone to alter its course.” Instead, I need to tweak it slightly to be, “The future, as it was fated to always be. The pathetic stories and legends of children and false kings cannot waver this course. I will not allow it, for my sake…” camera pans to the broken evil guardian, Astor’s voice lowers just slightly. “...and yours.” The slightest, almost silent bits of the harmonies (not the melody) of the Hwaoc Main Theme play before fully fading back to Astor’s theme. And the final shot of that scene is Astor, looking down at the heap of Sheikah tech, with a neutral expression, but then looking back up at the malice stars, and the future visions of the Calamity. He just ever so slightly smiles.

[Also I JUST realized that the harbinger is actually slightly above Astor, because it’s supposed to show that the power dynamic is really Calamity Ganon is in control, so ignore the “looking down” parts I talked about, and just think in the broad direction of Astor looks at the guardian, and then looks further up at the ceiling with the Calamity and the future and then he smiles]

For that scene, I also need to remove any characterization where Astor is laughing and being joyous at the impending destruction, I only need that smile at the end. There is no villainous cartoon laughter, at least, not yet. Also the part where Sooga calls Astor a fool for thinking he can control the Calamity is GREAT I need that, that absolutely needs to stay in.

And then Chapter 2 closes off with that Yiga ambush. That’s the inciting incident, so I need the tone at the end to be slightly different. Instead of ending on that cute little thing where eggbot points angrily at Link, (like that part can still EXIST in there BUT) I need it to end on a more serious note.

Referring back to the Hero’s Journey, the Call to Adventure is the parts of each of the Champion’s recruitment. They each have their initial reasons for joining the fight, whether to protect their people, to feel validated for their skill, to get closer to the ones they love etc etc that’s all established in their respective stages.

This Yiga stage, however, serves as the official barrier between Act 1 and Act 2, the threshold between the known world and the unknown world, where the heroes prepare to seek out the obstacle that stands in the way of their goal. It’s important that this threshold establishes a sense of urgency, because that better gets you invested in the stakes, and helps the story's momentum to move forward. IT shows that the journey and adventure that these characters want/need to take is outside the safety of their home/known world.

In the original game, the threshold ends with that cute scene of eggbot and Zelda and Link and the Zelink vibes. That’s not bad, but it’s also not good. The momentum towards the later confrontation in Korok forest needs to feel more important, because this is a major turning point in the story. SO, I am going to add one more scene at the end. It’s just after the ambush, after the fires have died down, and Zelda (and in the back the Champions) discussing the events with the King. I want King Rhoam to a few things. First, I need him to kinda berate the Champions for falling for the Yiga’s “splitting them up trick” and leaving his daughter vulnerable. This 1) establishes doubt within the party, which makes for better uncertainty for the future and later internal conflict. This was supposed to be the dream team but the King is already kinda telling them off. 2) This also still characterizes the King as someone who cares for his daughter’s safety. That care for his daughters safety is layered in the subtext of him saying something like “Your priority must be to protect the only person capable of sealing the Calamity. You were so concerned with victory and glory in battle that you forgot that the fate of this kingdom lies on my daughter’s survival.” and blah blah blah. The King can also congratulate Link for keeping Zelda safe, and this is GREAT because that can add further to Zelda’s slight resentment for him, as he’s getting the approval from the King that she has yet to receive. But like overall the King is like “don’t leave my daughter alone cause she almost got killed if it weren’t for Link wtf.” and then that can also be a further excuse to hurry to korok forest to find the wielder of the sword so that they can better protect “not just the Princess, but the entire world,” something something fancy kingly dialogue.

Also when the Champions leave THIS can also be the time where Zelda gives that Sheikah device thingy to Rhoam and also where he sees eggbot. I know that happens a bit later, but for pacing purposes and for the sake of the story changes that I made, it better serves to place it here. That interaction itself can stay mostly the same as it is in the game.

So now, the threshold ends with a bit more tension. The Champion squad is powerful, but also has flaws in how they were split up by the Yiga, (cough cough I wonder if that serves the themes of the game in some way cough cough) and it’s not just “smooth sailing” into the search for the Master Sword, and the stakes are a bit rocky as we finally enter into the story’s Act 2.

= = = = =

And that’s Part 1 of my rewrite. Not really a lot, cause again this is mainly character set up, and establishing stuff, but personally I think it’s already a bit stronger than how Age of Calamity did it. Stay tuned for Part 2 either tonight or tomorrow, mwahaha.

Predict the future if you can...

#yes that is a allude to Nando v Movies #hwaoc spoilers #Hwaoc: The Kip Cut #honestly not TOO much rewritten for the First Act because the First Act is actually one of the strongest and best written parts of the game #hwaoc #age of calamity #hw age of calamity #hyrule warriors age of calamity

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foulserpent · 4 years ago

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ned has the most fleshed out history of any of my OCs. i typed it out over the past couple of days, theres some stufff missing but its over 2000 words as is.

here is neds life story prior to the oblviion crisis

ned was born in a village near falinesti’s summer rooting site. his father died before ned was born, and ned was raised by his mother and various farmhands in the community.

his mother was a farmer (though she had a shady past he was always peripherally aware of but never privy to), and they raised hogs and chickens for milk/meat/eggs and would be part of falenesti’s supply chain every year. niviiran also lived nearby, and the two were close friends throughout their childhood and adolescence.

“nasty ned” was in fact his birth name and a name he continued to use, though going by the latter part. he was never able to find out why his mother named him that. the name came in handy, given that ned is transgender and already had a fairly “masculine” name. he was recognized as a boy since he was around 10, but his mother was unable to afford the hormone replacement potions until his later teens.

when ned was 16, he started taking jobs at falenesti, mostly as a bouncer at its taverns. he had been a bit of a nervous child before that and to this day isnt sure why he chose that line of work, but it toughened him up considerably.

when he was about 20, his friend niviiran was being heavily pressured into marrying off to secure her family’s inherited silk business. niviiran saw this as the only chance to escape her emotionally abusive parents, and proposed the notion of entering into a (false) marriage with ned until she could get away. he agreed, both desiring to help his friend and hoping to benefit from niviiran’s far wealthier parents.

during this time, he had his first Actual intimate relationship, but it only lasted about a week. he had picked up a girlfriend at his job, but being emotionally immature and a bit of a dick, he thought that he did not need to inform her that he was TECHNICALLY married, since the marriage was fake and him and niv both did not mind. she left when he found out.

this marriage fell apart within a year, largely as a result of ned panicking and letting it slip while drunk at a gathering with niv’s family. this caused a huge commotion mostly directed at him (and was worsened by his continued panicking), and culminated in niviiran’s brother beating him and attempting to run him over with a horse as he fled. his leg was badly crushed and was saved by his mother.

though their marriage was fake, niviiran and ned had a real falling out as a result of this. both obviously felt bad for the harm to the other, but niv was very angry at ned for having let it slip and putting her in the position of having to run away from her controlling parents rather than leave freely. ned at the time was surprised and hurt that she was so mad, having taken her friendship for granted, and responded in kind. they separated angrily and did not see each other again after that point, and the way he treated niv is one of his first and biggest regrets.

after his leg was mostly healed, he decided he wanted to leave valenwood, at least for a while. he had developed some skill as a bodyguard, and managed to get himself hired to guard a merchant caravan that looped through valenwood, elsweyr, and cyrodiil. this was the time where he really came into his own in mercenary type fields, learning to use swords/shields/armor and how to hold his own against much larger foes. he also learned how to cook at this time, and had his first boyfriend. this relationship was not serious and did not last past ned’s contract with the caravan, but was significant and fondly remembered.

he chose not to continue as a caravan guard, and became interested in mercenary work instead. he joined up with cyrodiil’s fighters guild, and spent the next decade or so working for them. late in this period, he was subcontracted out to mainland morrowind on a longterm job as a hired guard. during this time, he met and began a relationship with yaksha gra-dralas, a morag tong agent. their relationship lasted about three years until ned’s contract ended. it was somewhat serious, but neither felt it was working out well enough to continue (and neds ass was too small). they went their separate ways, and ned returned to cyrodiil.

ned continued working for the fighters guild for an indeterminite amount of years, culminating in the events of oblivions fighters guild questline occurring. when ned was demoted for the death of the guildmaster’s son that he had nothing to do with, he decided that the guild was going to shit and that he was leaving. he resigned, and spent a few years hiring himself out independently as a mercenary or whatever else was paying.

eternally bad at settling, he became unsatisfied and decided to move again. he moved to vvardenfell, where he would live for the next 30 years or so. during this time, he joined their chapter of the fighters guild, took many odd jobs, and became more radicalized against the empire than he had already been (which was a lot).

notably, in the latter half of his time there, he met the disowned son of a hlaalu nobleman named ondryn. he and ondryn were assigned together on a longterm fighters guild job out in the wilderness, and began a relationship that would last a decade. it was ned’s longest relationship, and also the first one that he seriously considered the possibility of being permanent and settling with. he had loved all his partners before this, but ondryn was very special to him and brought out something much more serious in him.

it was this relationship that would also lead to ned’s involvement with daedric cults. ondryn was dissident against the tribunal and a follower of azura, boethiah, and mephala. this was just casual everyday worship, but the two joined an active sect of boethiah worshippers (at least partially trying to impress each other). ned had never been religiously motivated and believed that gods were not owed worship any more than anyone else, but was drawn to the “good daedra” for their seemingly mutually beneficial relationship with mortals.

ned was never the most devoted of boethiah’s sect, but through skill and luck he continuously proved himself worthy, and eventually was challenged to and won a tournament of 10 bloods. he was granted a title as champion of boethiah, and bestowed with the artifact goldbrand.

for a while, he proved himself worthy by continuing to maintain his position and defeat any challenger who came his way. but at one point, he was successfully kidnapped along with a fellow boethiah worshipper to be sacrificed to molag bal. he managed to free himself of his binds and escape, and came back with reinforcements to slaughter the rest of molag bal’s faithful, but it was too late for his friend.

this was the first decidedly traumatic incident of his life, and marked the beginning of a slow downturn of his life and his mental health. he was wracked with guilt at having left his friend to die, and was beginning to realize he wasnt really cut out for the whole champion of boethiah thing, rightfully fearing that he had lost favor for this weakness. in a stupid move (that would turn out smart in the long run in bargaining for his soul back), he kept goldbrand but fled with ondryn from the cult, ghosting boethiah and just hoping it wouldnt come back to bite him.

the blight was also worsening in vvardenfell at this point, with things beginning to get pretty scary. ned had repeatedly expressed desire for him and ondryn to flee vvardenfell, but the latter saw all this as just another crisis that would pass with time, and ned accepted this. around the time of the beginning of morrowind’s events, ondryn fell sick after an encounter with one of the ash creatures from red mountain. when it became obvious and undeniable that it was corprus, ondryn resigned himself to dying and asked of ned to help him be properly cremated and interred in his family tomb. all of ondryn’s living relatives had disowned him, but he still desired to be buried in his rightful place.

agreeing to this was the hardest thing ned had ever done. ondryn said goodbye and took poison, and ned was left alone to burn and lay his body to rest. he almost couldnt bring himself to do it, but eventually succeeded. after it was done, ned remained in the tomb for a few days, catatonic and just waiting to see if he would show symptoms himself. when it became clear that he had not contracted corprus, he considered suicide but became disgusted with himself and decided against it.

he remained in vvardenfell for a short while after this, but when his beloved guar (“jelly”) passed away of old age (mercifully peacefully), he decided enough was enough, and returned to cyrodiil. he had a couple of brief encounters with a person who he would later learn was the nerevarine, and left only weeks before the defeat of dagoth ur.

upon returning to cyrodiil, he was in a rut. he had become near-broke, had newly acquired mental health issues, had a constant fear of boethiah sending prospective champions after him, and had nothing to do with himself. he settled into the imperial city waterfront as a squatter, and attempted to join the thieves guild, but failed the initiation. desperate, he began thieving on his own, sometimes doing jobs for others and sometimes just to have money to get by.

he took a very large risk in agreeing to steal and imperial watch captain’s heirloom sword, and was captured in the act. he resisted arrest and injured the captain, and the captain personally intervened to get him a much steeper sentence than he otherwise would have. he was put into the imperial city prison for a few weeks, before being transferred to the arena and being put to work as a gladiator.

this was essentially a death sentence, with no determined ending besides dying in the arena. he met shap-mota here, a bard who had been blamed for a string of brutal assaults in spite of being pretty unquestionably Not the culprit. the two of them had an intimate relationship throughout this time, and struck up a friendship, but they were under a painful and unusual situation and it could not really be called a romantic relationship.

for a time, ned was managing well. he managed to get some serious dirt on one of the guard captains and effectively blackmail him. he wasnt able to secure his freedom, but was able to force his hand into giving him his sword (goldbrand) back and giving him and shap a bit more leeway as prisoners. having goldbrand is likely the only reason he survived and won all his death matches, but his uncooperativeness and humiliation of a few of the guards gave them a massive grudge.

after about 5 months, shap narrowly won a match, but had been gravely injured in the process and collapsed. ned last saw him being dragged out from the arena, and never saw anything that would indicate shap being alive, and had to assume he died. things got really bad after that, with ned having no buffer against the ire of the guards and other prisoners. he lost his blackmailing opportunity (though was allowed to keep goldbrand, due to the crowd loving his signature flaming sword) and was given absolutely terrible treatment from his captors.

he became incredibly disgusted with being forced to kill other prisoners and enraged at challengers who fought willingly. as he rose in the ranks, he was kept going by not knowing what else to do and by a grim satisfaction at murdering people who willingly chose to be combatants. this was very traumatizing.

ned achieved champion rank, though he almost lost his final match. his opponent disarmed him and instead of killing him, gloated and slashed at him with goldbrand, ripping his abdomen open and giving him his biggest scars. ned managed to take him by surprise and kill his opponent before passing out from shock and blood loss.

he woke up a day later to find he had been released. evidently, no one expected him to live that long and it was decided he might as well be let go. ned already had trauma to deal with, but was suddenly experiencing very unusual and new symptoms (which was ptsd and an anxiety disorder) that he had no idea what to do with. he was also convinced that his challenger was there on boethiah’s behalf, though he cant be sure of that, and the fear of being killed and left to the daedra who probably owned his soul took hold of him again.

he had been given some prize money, and he collected himself and left. he moved into kvatch, and rented an attic from some dunmer in exchange for proofreading his stupid “opus” about him killing all the cliff racers or whatever.

ned spent a few years in a haze, kind of just drifting through life, getting into shit here and there. there was an “incident” involving the towns blacksmith at the general store, and he was not arrested but was considered to owe a favor to the town’s watch captain due to the chaotic results that few dare to speak of.

this favor was finally cashed in when kvatch was burnt down by mehrune’s dagons invasion force and they needed someone to try and close the gate, and lo and behold here comes ned “owes a favor” nasty and some argonian from out of town who just kind of wandered in.

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nlights37 · 4 years ago

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Fandom Wank Story Hour - Jonerys Edition

This week: The Case of the Fic Thieves (?)

Hello, gang!

Are you ready for a story? It’s a good one. It’s full of angst and drama (mostly self-inflicted, wild allegations based on pure speculation, all sorts of fun stuff. I bet some of you know it, but this post is for everyone who doesnt.)

But first? An apology.

It’s hard to admit when you’re wrong. Especially when you’re so, so sure you’re right. Maybe it’s just jumping to the wrong conclusions. Maybe it’s intentional, and you’re just looking for something to be offended by. Maybe it’s just a mistake and you took someone else’s word for it. Lots of possibilities.

This apology, however, is not one I’m owed, but one I owe, and in the spirit of acknowledging that it sucks but it’s the right thing to do, here’s mine:

A few months back an author in this particular group I know thought someone posted a fic on ao3 that copied her fic. Now, immediately, I bet you can guess how it went down. OUTRAGE! SCANDAL! And even yours truly was not immune. I hopped right on the groupthink train without even reading the fic, just the summary. In the end, that fic WAS stolen, not from Alice, but from another fandom.

I was wrong, though, to jump to conclusions and take other people’s word on something I should’ve checked out myself, and I’m sorry that I did it. Truly.

It is that ironic mistake of mine that leads us to today, and other allegations of theft, that stem from some in this fandom and were directed first at @magalidragon. Was she accused to stealing actual fics? No. Goalpost shift. Now the fandom crimes for which you may be accused, with or without any actual merit, are moodboard posts (for example, apparently it was idea theft when Mags posted a Bones AU moodboard idea too closely to Amy’s Halloween Medical Examiner AU), fic teases that use the wrong word choice, or even just suggesting that you have an idea that is even remotely adjacent to anything any of the Tumblrina chat has written. That’s what’s going on. And even though this has apparently gone on for months in the minds of some folks, they never said a word, just unloaded and made all sorts of accusations all at once.

You know, bullying. A good old fashioned pile-on, done in an open chat, instead of privately. But okay.

And not a hot week after the other authors Mags mistakenly thought were friends accused her of stealing ideas from all of them, and how they couldn’t talk about fic ideas in their chat for fear Mags would steal them, we get to the collab fic that was teased on Wednesday.

The crime? Referencing eligible lords for Dany to marry as ‘bachelors’.

Cue all hell breaking loose when all of a sudden Mags and I are both rotten fic thieves out to steal a fic idea from @muttpeeta (This might link for you but it doesn’t for me since I’m apparently blocked lol), her Bachelor fic.

Oh, the accusations flew. In fact, they were so rampant from @stilesssolo that I reached out to both Amy AND Sabrina like “WTF? You actually think I’d steal from you?”

At least Amy had the nuts to answer with no before she blocked me, but the drama continues. Now it’s posting as though the very same people who were out for blood just a few days ago, ready to tell anyone and everyone in vague, passive aggressive posts, how they are the victims of this mean old fandom.

This shit’s gotta stop, because it’s not the first time this has happened. We all bitch and complain about this fandom and all the drama and all the bullshit but it’s not gonna get better if you are complaining on one hand then actively seeking out drama or things to get offended by or upset about on the other.

If we want things to improve, and genuinely want this fandom to be a better place, then maybe we should start by admitting when we’re wrong, and maybe, just maybe, giving people the benefit of the doubt, or a little grace. As authors and content creators, it kinda has to start with us, yeah?

Let’s try to make 2021 a little less contentious. Fanfic isn’t a competition. We can all exist in our own little niches and never have to have friction again, but that means maybe taking a look inside, too, and seeing how we are all contributing to the general atmosphere.

I know I’m capable of that. I hope my fellow writers, whether we are friends or we never speak at all, can do that to. I would have preferred to have handled all this privately, and tried to, but when people block you so they don’t have to face lying about you or accusing you of shit, and still try to milk the pity and act like they’ve been wronged when they were the guilty party, I gotta say, it just doesn’t sit right with me.

I don’t even expect any of the ones responsible will apologize to me or Mags, and that’s okay. There’s no rule that says we all have to hold hands and sing songs together. We’re still gonna keep writing fics, and trying to have some fun, and give you guys out there the same sort of stuff you’ve come to enjoy from us, until we get sick of it or GRRM finally drops that new book :P

Until then, I very sincerely hope that, if nothing else, we can all try to be a little more mature about things. If you genuinely think someone’s wronged you, TALK TO THEM. There’s no need to make everything a public spectacle - but you can be damn sure that if you start it that way that’s what you’re gonna get. Being too scared to directly tag people you’re accusing of stuff doesn’t protect you from that.

#jonerys #fandom wank #maybe an apology would be nice?#I won't count on it #next time double check maybe #lights and mags get accused of fic theft #post their fic to prove it #but still with the drama

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cheryls-blossomed · 3 years ago

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Just to let you know this won't be the last irisco scenes this season carlos is coming back for the 150th episode and the finale. So that's probably when you'll get your proper goodbye from iris and cisco and I can't wait to see his reaction when he sees nora again and also meeting bart .... those are the type of things I'm looking forward to. I actually enjoyed this episode just as a fan and not someone to pick apart everything but just watch it as a viewer and see how happy carlos was filming this made me enjoy it even more. Could it have been way better absolutely but I already went into this episode with the intent of it being a otf type of episode and who wrote the episode so my mind already knew what this would mostly turn out to be. Now this episode is out the way I'm really ready for the ball to start rolling with these stories and storylines. Was it perfect absolutely not was it my favorite nope but I can say I enjoyed it. To those fans that I see that think Iris is being pushed out the show to me I call BS also from what carlos has mentioned in his interviews he sees that eric is very accommodating to his actors and makes sure they are good not just about their character but them as a person he tries to help them and work with them the best he can and to me that's a good showrunner. Eric has a long way to go when it comes to fixing stuff in the writers room but I will say he's made that set a better place to feel comfortable and work at. Also CP was talking about her experiences with that network which I think eric has tried to do what he can and what he's allowed to do for his actors wellbeing. As for Westallen as we seen in 7x11 when GG and CP are given great material they can really work with it and even when they don't they do their best. Now the Joe and Iris scene I couldn't tell you why it was cut ... timing .... or did they feel it wasn't needed if iris was literally having that same type of convo with kamilia so they choose that one we may never really know so I tend to not worry about those things but I get why some fans would be mad about that especially how it seems to always happen to iris getting her scenes cut but it is what it is I'm not going to keep harping over spoiled milk. I enjoy your blog so much cause it gives us fans a safe space no matter if we agree or not so thank you for that. Here's to hoping the season turns out better for you and the fans that aren't enjoying it right now. I'm more of positive optimistic type of person so I tend to see the positive side of things especially for my mental health. Anyways I don't want to take up to much of your time sorry for this long ass post I'll try to keep it short next time!

No need to apologize, nonnie! I appreciate you sharing all your thoughts. I'm glad that you enjoy this blog, and I'm also glad that we can healthily disagree at times, because I think that's important. And optimism is honestly a very good thing in this life.

I definitely don't think Iris/Candice is being pushed out of the show. There's nothing to suggest that from this season, and I’m not sure why anyone would think this.

Oh yeah, I mean, I don't really have much hope for meaningful Iris/Cisco scenes, but a small goodbye in the finale would be nice. And I'm glad that Cisco will get to meet Bart and Nora.

Re the Iris/Joe scene: I think it's pretty clear with the benefit of hindsight that that moment was one showcasing Iris's POV about why she was struggling to hire a new photojournalist and that Joe was helping her work through her feelings about Kamilla leaving. It was hopefully a moment of vulnerability, and it wasn't going to be the same moment as the Iris/Kamilla scene, because it was supposed to be Iris working through what she was originally struggling with in the KamIris scene. I would have felt better if Iris and Kamilla got another scene for the sake of closure, where we got to see them have this really supportive, sweet moment, but they did not get that. Part of it is that the show really didn't care about Kamilla at all in the episode and didn't give her any proper sendoff. Additionally, there's the continued fact that Iris scenes are used for promo, but her scenes seem to be the first to end up on the cutting room floor, especially important character-building moments for her, often times shared with her family (her father, her husband, and her daughter). They very well could have cut something else to include the Iris/Joe scene, but they deliberately chose to cut this scene.

Anyways, with regards to Eric, I don't really agree with his stylistic choices as showrunner, and I am somewhat frustrated as a fan by his... apparent lying about story-lines, therefore indicating that he knows what the people want, but he chooses not to focus on what the people want, but it's clear he's a good boss when it comes to the cast and that he's made the set safer and is the first showrunner who has really listened to Candice and addressed her concerns. I think to a degree we have to separate who Eric is as a boss and our own concerns and grievances with regards to story-telling as fans (which are certainly very valid and reflect upon him as showrunner, but are separate from what he’s done to make the work place environment better).

#anonymous #replies

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molkolsdal · 4 years ago

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Pakistan's Sea Buckthorn Berries Are Beautifully Underappreciated

By Tahereh Sheerazie, 15/4/15

Sea buckthorn is widely coveted in Michelin-starred kitchens like noma, but people in northern Pakistan, where the orange and red berries grow like wildfire, couldn't care less—even if it does make a delicious and healthy jam.

It was everywhere up north, but I hadn't noticed it on my previous trips.

It grows wild, in Pakistan's Shigar Valley of Baltistan and Shimshal Valley of upper Hunza/Gojal region; a fruit that is widely coveted in Western Michelin-starred kitchens like noma. But locals in these far north valleys care less about eating it and more about using it as barbed wire for fencing around their farmland to keep the animals out.

It's an innocuous part of the landscape in the dry Karakorum mountain range high up in Pakistan's northeast mountainous terrain, home to K2 and many other mighty peaks. Mostly growing wild along river beds, the first time I encountered sea buckthorn (Hippophae) was in late summer of 2008 in upper Gojal's remote 10,000 feet Shimshal Valley in northern Pakistan.

It is here where the ripe orange and red berries grow along the water's edge and brighten the landscape with their brilliant color.

I thought nothing of it, except that it was beautiful—in an odd, thorny sort of way.

That same winter, I was traveling by bus up the KKH (Karakoram Highway, the old Silk Route) to Kashgar from Rawalpindi. This was when I first tasted sea buckthorn in a tangy, sour-sweet, slightly bitter jam at the Serena Hotel in Gilgit, the areas main regional hub.

I was determined to bring some back home to Karachi and Pasadena where I live. No one in Gilgit knew much about it, except that the hotel bought its jam from a supplier in Skardu, Baltistan.

I poked around, searching for clues to find someone who might know of sourcing it in Gilgit. Finally, I was able to locate Wazir Aman, a man who pretty much has a PhD in sea buckthorn studies. A sort of mad scientist meets mad cook, he has been making and selling the juice and jams for years, and churns out sea buckthorn by-products out of a tiny cabin right off the KKH. Studying art in Karachi—like many art school graduates—his education had left him struggling for cash so he returned home to look for employment up north, earning an income by carrying loads and cooking for trekking expeditions. I can't recall what piqued his interest in sea buckthorn, but he began doing extensive research, and, among other things, discovered that the longevity of crows—which feed on the berries—is indebted to the fruit. This is what got him hooked on promoting sea buckthorn to people.

I followed my nose to find his scruffy cabin a few hours north of Gilgit, which was crammed with all sorts of things to cook and experiment with. His buddies sat chatting on a few scattered chairs, huddled around small tables. Wooden shelves filled with empty glass jam jars and rows of orange-looking juice in green, one-liter 7UP bottles decorated the walls. A two-burner gas stove sat on one of the very messy counters, sharing space with tins containing oil, sugar, salt, bags of berry powder, and who knows what else.

I sat drinking the customary sweet hot milk tea, listening with rapt attention to Wazir's tales of his life and the benefits of this miracle fruit. He extracts its juice for controlling high blood pressure and diabetes, grinds the sea buckthorn into powder for medicines, makes pulp for jams, and even presses the berries for oil.

I bought it all—the ideas and the merchandise.

He whipped up three jars of jam for me and one bottle of juice before I left next day. No one drank the sour, bitter juice when I brought it home, but everyone licked the jam jars clean. Wazir gets his raw material from the Shimshal Valley and from a man named Ghulam Nabi Shigri in Skardu, Baltistan. Ghulam Nabi (the king of Balti sea buckthorn) exports the dry crushed berry to markets elsewhere in the country, which then make it further afield to Europe's medicine and cosmetic industries. Wazir's successful experiments with jams and juices even helped him pay off a large chunk of his art school loans.

That sounds like a miracle fruit to me!

Among all the minerals, fatty acids, and antioxidants it's famous for, sea buckthorn is best known for its high vitamin C content, but I barely met anyone in these northern valleys who was eating it for health reasons. On subsequent trips, I managed to locate a jam outlet in Skardu, Nabi Shigri's warehouse, as well as a government-run agricultural research institute in Skardu that is making jam, extracting the precious oil, drying the leaves for tea, and pounding the berries into a powder for a Tang-like dry juice. I was delighted to know that such a large organization is promoting the use of the berry, even if the world is still largely ignorant of its existence.

I stock up on sea buckthorn jam from Skardu whenever I am there, but I avoid being overly generous in sharing it. Getting a bottle of jam from so far north in Pakistan is just as cumbersome as jumping the thorny shrub to graze on forbidden farmlands. Someday I hope to catch up with Wazir Aman again and hear about the next miracle fruit he might have discovered in those remote mountains.

#long post #Pakistan #sea buckthorn #food #Tahereh Sheerazie #shigar valley #baltistan #shimshal valley #hunza #gojal #karakoram #mountains #nature #fruit #skardu

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theveryworstthing · 5 years ago

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More Spooky.

Mixing the spooky prompts of 'gay vampires' and 'all dressed up for a spooky soriee' again.

This is Salt. She's pretty good a putting people back together, is full of leeches, has a dark sense of humor, and is very short. She's also as gay as a hermaphroditic leech person who mostly uses she/her for convenience but has no strong feelings about gender can be.

She grew up around pit fighters and eventually became a medic when her own career didn't work out (her eyes were always wonky but then she had to grow a few back after That Fight and yeesh). When the pits got shut down one of the older medics decided to put an actual practice together and hit the road, taking Salt and a few other favorites with. Eventually they got pretty successful and opened a lot of non-human friendly hospitals. She's currently attending a 'children of the night' themed benefit sponsored by Cashmere's company as a representative since her boss couldn't make it.

Here's a bunch of lore about the kind of vampire she is because of course I wrote some:

Hirudo Vampires

What are they: A race of Mermaids. Mermaids that are essentially a sack full of leeches, but yeah. Mermaids.

How they’re made: They’re born like any other mermaid. Weird humanoid monotreme lays an egg and after a bit you get a Child. Infants look like regular baby mermaids with kind of sluggy tails and can be confused with nudibranch juveniles if they’re gifted with brighter colors. They’re initially fed milk and invertebrates like worms and slugs by their parents but quickly move on to blood once their cravings start and they begin releasing leeches.

Turning: They can’t turn people. They can turn leeches but they rarely do because usually more than enough leeches naturally sprout from their innards and outside leeches that aren’t from another hirudo are a quick fix that will eventually be rejected by their bodies and need to be replaced.

Feeding: Their favorite method is anchoring their tails to something in a body of water, releasing their leeches, and just floating there until they return. When the leeches come back they swim into the hirudo’s body and plug themselves back into the digestive tract where they empty themselves over time. When the last leech runs out it’s time to go hunting again.

When not feeding they fill the inner cavity of their body with water for the leeches. Chemicals in this inner cavity thicken the water into a loose slime and when feeding all that Leech Slime gets released so that they take on more of a flesh suit aesthetic. A view of this feeding form is rare however, as hirudo hide while feeding and only have to feed this way once every few months if most of their leeches are successful hunters. If they’re not so successful or they can’t send them out for whatever reason they supplement their diet with invertebrates, soft organ meats, and ingesting small quantities of iron whenever they can. Mostly by nibbling on rusted objects or sucking on found bits of metal like jawbreakers.

Besides blind hunting they’ll also enthusiastically feed on willing subjects. Hirudo are renowned healers and their bites can ease certain ailments just like regular leeches. They can can greatly increase their healing powers through training and even imbue their leeches with specific healing spells by lightly carving said spells into their flesh. If you come across an aquatic apothecary or river-side hospital outside of human territories, they’re likely to be owned or staffed by hirudo. When healing others, singular leeches are selected and expelled for each patient. Dedicated healers tend to be larger than regular hirudo since their constant food source helps them produce more leeches.

Powers: Calming aura (to be fair the leeches have this power, not the hirudo), two or three times the strength of an average human (that’s normal for any mermaid though, they’re pretty much all pure muscle), durability (very hard to kill if they can get water and a blood source), and accelerated healing. They can direct their leeches to specific targets and use them as kind of detachable limbs, even speaking through them if they need to. Mostly they just point them in a general direction and see what they can get. The leeches have their own simple brains and can figure it out.

Fun Facts:

Bites don’t hurt and rarely become infected unless you’re just rolling around in garbage all day. You don’t bleed more or less than you would after a regular leech bite and if the creature doesn’t see the leech they probably won’t know they’ve been fed on until after it’s gone.

They can hang out on land just fine due to being their own personal swimming pools but they still dry out after a day or so and need to return to the water. While on land they develop a thin layer of mucus on their skin that isn’t sticky or wet but you can feel it creepily shift under your hands if you grab them too roughly and it gives them a shimmery glow. This layer flakes off if they become dehydrated and some harvest it as well as any spare Leech Slime for use in beauty products and skin ointments.

They can ‘walk’ on land but it’s draining after a bit and they all use canes and/or wheelchairs to get around.

Just like regular leeches, hirudo are hermaphrodites. What we think of as feminine or masculine appearances are just the product of different family genetics interacting with environmental stimuli and are the same as tribe markings to them. Come from a southern river system where your egg was kept in warm water? Guess you’ll grow up to look more femme and you get cool orange stripes. This situation isn’t unheard of in mermaids but land creatures can be taken aback. It’s whatever. Biology does what it wants.

Many name their leeches and get real mad if one is killed. Partially because anyone would be mad if you murdered one of their organs, but also because they like those little buddies. Luckily, they’re pretty hard to kill if they’re in water and they can get back to the main body.

Most physical fighting is done with leeches. All hirudo have at least one leech that’s bigger, tougher, and honestly creepier than the others just for combat situations. They vary a little from person to person but a consistent trait is that they have just. Too many teeth. Too many teeth that are sometimes not in the right places and sometimes look too human. Just a lot of Wrong Teeth on a big fat blood slug. If this ‘attack leech’ dies or doesn’t return to the body in a certain period of time then they start growing a new one immediately and oh boy is the new one always worse that the last one. There are hirudo out there housing some real abominations.

Combat Leech is their secondary defense mechanism. The first is expelling slime at predators and slipping out of their grip by furiously stretching and wriggling.

The leeches aren’t like wild leeches. They don’t digest the blood they take or make more leeches. They’re also strangely warm, like little hot water bottles. It’s hard to even call them leeches since they’re really detachable organs that act like leeches but like. What else can they be called? Idk, but there’s strong evidence that wild leeches find them creepy and will avoid them.

They’re very amused at the human perception of boobs because to them bigger titty is like a sign that says “I have fat to spare because I eat very well and that means I could probably rip you to shreds”.

They can produce children with other humanoids in theory but it’s a toss of the coin for the egg’s viability and it’s suspected that this is how vampire genes get thrown into non-mer family lines so like. Not a great idea if you don’t want to chance giving birth to some draculas!!!

They can fit through any space their head can fit into. They kind of navigate the world with octopus/cat vibes. Their arms are even more tentacle-y that classically arm shaped.

Eight to ten eyes with position and number differing by tribe.

On average they’re about 5-5.5ft long but powerful hirudo with lots of leeches can get 8ft+.

They’re actually known as some of the prettiest mermaids by humans.

Humans are some of their favorite prey.

Most biologist feel like this isn’t an evolutionary accident.

Immortality?: Hirudo can live for around three hundred years in perfect conditions but they’re not immortal, they grow old and die like anything else. Immortality in not out of reach for those able to push a few morals aside however, and can be accomplished two ways:

1. Feed exclusively on other hirudo. This is an asshole move for obvious reasons and can be done by consuming their leeches or going old school vampire and drinking right from the source. Can be killed if they’re dehydrated through aggressive salting or imprisoning on land for months.

2. Necromancy is just very advanced healing magic really. Carve enough arcane magic into your tummy buddies and you got yourself a real Leech Lich situation brewing. These hirudo can only be killed by thoroughly destroying all of their leeches.

#vampire #hirudo #salt #mermaid #body horror #small guide #that outfit went though a lot of alterations but i love the final so much

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caffeineandcurses · 4 years ago

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Stash’s Chai Spice Black Tea

Welcome, to my first venture into content-writing on this blog - journal? Post?

I don’t really know what the kids are saying, and I don’t know that I ever really did, so let’s stick to blog, it’s nice and informal. I normally make a bit of fun about recipe blogs that start with a long rant of back-history, but it seems misinformed to not TRY to relate a bit of myself to what I’m writing, for the question of ‘why this’. For the well-intended record, let’s also start with ‘who am I’ - hello! My name is Kay. I’m a 23-year veteran of the internet (my twitter account is old enough to have a twitter account!), and a 33-year veteran of living, with a variety of hobbies and interests in the creative and the fictional.

I got interested in the rituals of coffee around four to five years ago, but fell out of habit with it in 2019 due to digestive health issues. I was in the middle of a lot, then, and started to research and self-diagnose myself reading up on the symptoms and behavior of those with ADHD, under the purview of habits I noticed, and the relationship to my post-caffeinated self’s improvement. I still consumed a lot of energy drinks, sodas and teas to get my caffeine content, but it wouldn’t be until just this year, this month, March 2021, that I would get my answers.

I DO have the inattentive-type of attention-deficit hyperactive disorder. That is why, most likely, I am somebody who definitely benefits from a healthy relationship with caffeine. Someday, I may even be someone who benefits from a healthy relationship with a psychiatrist and/or therapist, and is on a proper medication for it, but, for now, caffeine is my go-to drug.

And let’s be honest: caffeine is a drug! And I’m NOT a doctor. Take use of it seriously. This isn’t my place to glorify abuse of over-the-counter substances. Just to talk about the habits I uptake, and share how I enjoy it, to maybe help others, and how I make it a fun habit for me, to stay attentive to what I’m doing and enjoy my experiences of reality.

I hope that wasn’t too much to get through - and if you skipped ahead to the next bit because you just wanted to know it and nothing about me? I don’t blame you.

Today’s drink!

Stash’s Chai Spice Black Tea

With black teas, by the way, you normally have 47mg of caffeine per tea bag. Thank you, Google - please don’t laugh at my search histories.

An aside - what we’re really talking about with “chai” is “masala”. “Chai” just means tea!

My preparation:

Two teabags

Temperature-safe mug

Two big spoonfuls of sugar

A splash of milk

Steeped for just under 5 minutes.

Most black teas say “3-5” minutes, and I enjoy a strong-tasting tea, so that’s my personal process. There’s a particular flavor of tannins on most black teas that I think the spiced flavor cuts, even if I have steadily added less and less sugar into how I drink it.

I am not INCREDIBLY indulgent with my regular tea buys. I just have a stovetop kettle, and mostly use bagged teas for convenience, because too much to clean up after and sometimes I lose track of it if I just want my fix, which is honestly, a shame on ME. One day when I have a lot of disposable income, I would love to try one of the traditional masala chai recipes out there for the thrill.

As it stands, on my CURRENT budget; I buy a lot of Bigelow brand teas, usually, but after not being able to find a flavor that REALLY appealed to me in its brand a while back, I bought a few of Stash’s, and I think they actually have the most appealing FLAVORED teas I had. Tea is the least jittery caffeine intake I indulge in that I still feel. Another bonus of the clean flavor, both on Stash and on the spice of the tea itself, is that it doesn’t feel like it leaves as bitter an after-taste that most plain black tea has.

Which is not to say that I don’t enjoy a good black tea without flavor - there’s something pleasantly floral about it once you adapt to it that’s “delightfully complex”, as it were. My other masala tea comparisons do mostly come from Bigelow, specifically, their Vanilla Chai. Memories of that one are from before I grew unhinged, steeping for longer, throwing in extra tea bags, so on and so forth, but I remember its flavor being less bold. Stash’s Chai Spice DEFINITELY feels like it has a more robust flavor, with cinnamon being the strongest note I am able to pick out.

About halfway through the drink is when I see myself start to bring my work into focus, and once it’s finished, I’m usually set on being able to hit finer details of whatever I was working on.

The most strong hold of tea, or coffee, and its ritual, is also the concept of its power to make you sit, and finish it. If I have nothing pinning me to my workspace, I’m more likely to wander. But, PARTICULARLY with a fresh hot cup on my desk that I want to enjoy before it cools, I feel alert, compelled to focus with my leaf water.

A special note - when I first started drinking tea and talking about it when I was younger, a rando on the internet felt it necessary to inform me that I wasn’t drinking it right. Logically, I know now that person probably has a really unpleasant personality and younger-me shouldn’t have been so upset, but I want to state for anyone else who’s trying to enjoy a fun new beverage: all that matters is if it makes YOU happy.

And if what you’re doing doesn’t harm anyone? Go ahead; try something weird. Maybe next time, I’ll dabble more into the weirder, cursed side of my snack interests, and we can encourage each other.

This will definitely not be my last time talking about tea, much less Stash, though there are a lot of other fun tea sources I’d love to talk about, and maybe, you’ll enjoy reading about.

#caffeine #tea #stash #masala chai

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unsaidholland · 4 years ago

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lonely heart | t. holland

the first installment of my calm series!!! i really hope y’all like it and are excited about this series(?) as i am!!

warnings: really sad.

the first time you saw colour was when tom’s hand had brushed against yours while you both reached for the same bottle of beer. harrison had hosted a party that had gotten out of hand, and because you were a friend of someone who was invited, you ended up at the party. as soon as you felt the light brush of his touch, everything had changed. your nails were painted what you learned was lilac, but only because the name of the polish was ‘luscious lilac.’ you looked down to see the colour of your skin. it was beautiful. the way it looked in the dim lighting of the room, the way it looked contrasted against the black skirt and distressed band-tee, it was truly something you never expected, but something you adored.

then you looked at tom. you noticed how his fluffy curls were what you’d come to learn was a medium brown, similar to the colour of milk chocolate. his slightly tanned white skin seemed to glow with excitement, the excitement of finally seeing what his parents and some of his friends saw. neither of you knew what to expect when you thought about seeing colours for the first time, but somehow it was everything you wanted.

you looked at each other, studying each other’s faces and clothes, studying the colours of everything around you. he grabbed your hands, seeing that your nails were painted. he admired the way it looked against your skin tone, and it was then when tom decided that lilac was his favourite colour.

“it’s lilac,” you said, seeing the confusion on his face as he struggled to figure out what colours he was seeing. “the name on the nail polish bottle was ‘luscious lilac.’ i didn’t know what it meant at the time, but seeing it now changes everything.” he stood there for a moment, looking at your lilac nails. despite how loud the room was, you swore you heard him whisper, ‘lilac,’ under his breath.

“i’m tom,” he said, smiling at you. you smiled back at him. “do you wanna go sit on the roof and get to know each other? i have a feeling it isn’t gonna calm down anytime soon.” you nodded. he took your hand, leading you up the stairs to his room, where he opened a window that the both of you climbed out of to sit on the roof. he brought a blanket out with him, placing it down for the two of you to sit under. you’d come to learn that the blanket was blue, a navy blue on one side, and a baby blue on the other.

the two of you stayed up all night getting to know each other. as the sun rose, the two of you sat together, the blue blanket draped around the both of you, his arm around your waist, and your head resting on his shoulder. you both watched as the colours of the midnight sky became warmer, and soon enough, the sun had risen, ridding the sky of the twilight.

you spent that week together, learning more about each other, and slowly falling in love with each other. you always thought soulmates were stupid, always wondering how two random people were going to fall in love just because the universe told them to, but you had realized how perfect everything felt very quickly. you thanked the universe for pairing you with tom.

•••

it was three weeks after the two of you met when tom said he had to leave for work. he was going on press, meaning he would be gone for a few months, constantly flying from city to city, or from country to country. he wanted to take you, but you told him it would be okay. ‘i’ll survive,’ you said, and he made you promise that you would be okay.

eventually, you and tom got used to his frequent travelling. his work ethic was something you had admired. even though the two of you had only been together for a year and a half, his inconsistent filming schedules had become second nature to you. you always kept the time of the city he was in on your phone so you could call him when he wasn’t filming or busy. he always made sure to say ‘goodnight’ and ‘good morning’ when it applied to you, and you did the same for him. some timezones were easier than others, but it was never easy.

being able to see how hard he was working was always a benefit. that, and being able to say that the mcu spiderman was your soulmate, but nothing would stop you from feeling so lonely. being apart from him for months and months on end while the two of you were living separate lives was hard, both of you were well aware, but the universe paired you together. the universe had destined for you two to be together, and neither of you were planning on going against the universe.

tom was in the us filming for a new movie that he had a lead role in. whether there was a one hour time difference or a twelve hour time difference, nothing could stop him from missing you endlessly. it was as if the colours seemed more vibrant when you were around, and when the two of you were apart, then the world seemed a little more dull to him. he went about his days wondering how you were doing. by the time he was on his lunch break, you were having dinner. by the time he woke up, you had finished lunch. the seven hour time difference would be the thing that broke him, but it wouldn’t break the two of you up.

both of you had gotten used to being alone in bed at nights, waking up alone in the mornings. tom’s side of the bed had always been untouched while he was gone. where you would have been if you were with tom in bed was also untouched. when you would fly out to see him, things would feel right again. maybe that was just what came with being around your soulmate after being away from each other for months, but whatever it was just made you long for your next break from work. tom wanted nothing but for you to just fly out more often. if it was up to him, he’d want you to be with him all the time, but your work schedule was just too busy at times for you to stay with him all the time.

sometimes the both of you wished that you had gotten a soulmate who’s lifestyle aligned with your own. sometimes both of you wanted to defy the universe and find someone else, but you both knew that nothing would be the same. you were destined to be together, how could you go against the universe’s plan?

tom woke up abruptly. it was the middle of the night for him, but he knew you would be awake. he hadn’t slept properly in days. he had been filming for a week straight with very few breaks. from six am to eleven pm, he would be on set. sometimes he wouldn’t be filming, but he would be rehearsing his lines, working out, or what have you. at night he was so exhausted, wanting nothing more than to lay down in his bed and pass out, but he was never fully able to. he missed home, he missed you, he missed his family. harry being there with him always helped, but it never satisfied his need for you.

he knew you were feeling just as lonely as he was. he knew that both your hearts were hurting from the distance. you were more than a thousand miles away, and he had so many commitments, but he was ready to drop everything and hop on a plane just for you.

tom would never be able to find anyone like you, and it wasn’t because he knew he didn’t have two soulmates, but it was as if you were made just for him. knowing that you were his soulmate was an easy explanation, but he’s heard of stories where the two soulmates hated each other and never had a happy ending. he’s heard of stories where only one person was able to see colour while the other one didn’t. he’s heard of stories where they didn’t work out, and that was enough to justify his love for you. ‘that’s what it was,’ he thought as he laid in bed that night, the covers pulled up under his arms, blankets against his bare torso, ‘i’m so in love with y/n.’ it seemed like a stupid realization to him. you two had been together for almost two years, of course he would be in love with you, but he didn’t know he could fall that hard.

•••

you hadn’t gone to work that day. something about the way the seasons changed and the weather got colder made you feel more lonely. you wanted nothing more than to just be with tom, a blanket around the two of you keeping you warm, and some tv show playing on the tv that neither of you were paying attention to. you wanted nothing more than to do nothing with him, than to just physically be with him.

that day was spent mostly in bed. you watched a bunch of youtube videos, but most of them was just to fill the empty sound of the apartment. calling in to work sick was nothing new to you, but calling in to work sick because your heart hurt from being so alone was something relatively new. you were so sad, so alone.

loneliness was nothing new to either of you, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. there was something about the way he would stay away for so long that made you feel like you were losing whatever kept you alive. you felt as if the longer he was gone, the less energy you had. maybe you just missed him too much, or maybe the universe just wanted the both of you to hurt.

you thought about the day you said goodbye at the airport. it was always him walking away first, but that time, you had left first. you thought about how he watched you leave before he could even go through security. that was two months ago. now the flames seemed to pick up. your relationship was clearly on fire, but you two were soulmates who were madly in love, why would you leave each other?

the longer and harder you thought, you only wished that you could start another life with him. maybe run away from all your responsibilities to a new country under an alias. you’d live the simple life, a house in a small village. maybe you would open a shop with tom, sell food or small knick knacks. your hearts would finally stop feeling lonely, but you knew that he would miss acting.

maybe there was no other reason to stay. maybe you both would always be left with a lonely heart.

anything and everything taglist: @hollanderfangirl @hxrryhxlland @ohmy-moonlightx @musicalkeys @notsosmexy @writertoo18 @icyhollands

tom holland taglist: @hollandsrecs @chris_evanslover

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland angst #tom holland x you #tom holland x y/n #tom holland x soulmate!reader

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forestwater87 · 4 years ago

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Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole.

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that).

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84 calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak.

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y.

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here.

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit.

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call!

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do.

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode.

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic.

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff!

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise.

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it.

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation.

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . .

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere.

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great.

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual.

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one.

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy.

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously.

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season.

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen.

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful.

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale).

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family.

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much.

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised.

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results.

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

youtube

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny.

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been.

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” “really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

#campcamp #camp camp roosterteeth #thank you RT Animation for giving me my life these past 4 years #cc david #cc max #cc gwen #i'm not tagging all the characters #campcamp masterpost #i really hope this doesn't get hidden from the tags but #guys this was a super intense labor of love please check it out #but also reading it is also a super intense labor so i get it if you don't XD

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tf2workbench · 3 years ago

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Like gentlemenne of olde

One of my favorite maps in the game is DeGroot Keep, which enables Medieval Mode - melee and archaic weapons only, no guns! While it’s often a stew of anachronisms (note that the Scout’s sodas are usable), Medieval Mode has a kind of balance in and of itself. Granted, it’s a lot more straightforward than regular gameplay, but you can get some really interesting strategies in there.

Unfortunately, not all the classes are viable, and not all of the available weapons see any kind of use. This post, mostly for my own amusement, takes a few of those weapons and revamps them, specifically for Medieval Mode. I won’t delve into the balance of the individual classes quite yet - while there are clear imbalances, reworking a class is a much more difficult thing than redesigning some weapons.

Note that this is only a sampling of weapons. There’s plenty of things that don’t get much attention in Medieval Mode, so there’s definitely more for me to work with - if you all want to see more of that.

Bonk! Atomic Punch Bonk is a great tool in the Scout’s regular arsenal, but it’s not used very often in Medieval Mode. There’s very little undodgeable damage that you actually need Bonk to soak up - Scouts are faster and more maneuverable than anyone else on the battlefield, and there’s no rapid-fire weapons to deal with.

Rework for Medieval Mode: (+) Drink to gain +350% jump height for 8 seconds (-) While under effects: Any hit will cause you to fall to the ground (-) 20-second recharge

DeGroot Keep is a map with a lot of vertical space, courtesy of the big ol’ castle that houses the final control point. If I’m calculating this right, using this Bonk should allow you to climb the castle walls and get inside to wreak havoc - just be careful not to get shot down.

Sadly, I think this iteration of the Bonk might be less useful once the castle gates have opened, although a flanking route is always nice. It also forces you to use your melee weapon, which puts you within range of the enemy’s own hits; you also lose the benefits of a more combat-viable secondary like the Mad Milk or Flying Guillotine.

Market Gardener The Soldier is a slow-moving, awkward class when deprived of his signature rocket jump. In Medieval Mode, his main assets are the three battle banners, which can really turn a fight around if you deal enough damage to deploy them. Because the Market Gardener relies on rocket jumps, it has no real use without the rocket launchers, and almost always loses out to another melee.

Rework for Medieval Mode: (+) +100% rage gained on hit (-) No random critical hits

A simple change that synchronizes well with your available secondaries. However, its damage output is lackluster - a lack of random crits really hurts in Medieval Mode. You also lose out on the powerful attributes of other melees, such as the Disciplinary Action.

Homewrecker The Homewrecker sees a lot of use in standard gameplay thanks to its ability to remove sappers from friendly buildings. With no buildings and no sappers in this 10th-century Scottish keep, it becomes dead weight.

Rework for Medieval Mode: (+) Briefly slows enemy on hit (-) -50% damage

Because getting hit with a sledgehammer will slow you down, but probably won’t kill you as quickly as a fire axe. This is useful for getaways and for pinning down problematic targets, either for you or your team. My main concern is how it might be annoying to be slowed down, since it often feels impossible to avoid and frustrating to play with - especially because the Pyro has a decent movement speed and can catch up to at least a few targets.

Ubersaw It’s far and away the most popular Medic melee in regular gameplay, but Medieval Mode has no Ubercharge.

Rework for Medieval Mode: (+) On kill: Store a medium health kit (+) Alt-fire: Deploy health kit (-) -30% swing speed

All players drop a small health kit when they die in Medieval Mode, but this takes it a step further.

This Ubersaw is mainly going up against the Amputator, which provides a radial healing taunt. The advantage of this saw is that it lets you deliver strong burst healing without the immobility of a taunt. Is it enough? Maybe... maybe not.

#tf2workbench #tf2 #team fortress 2 #medieval mode

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rhosyn-du · 3 years ago

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Never make a mess when a total catastrophe will do - Chapter Three

Pairings: Jimon, past Clace, background Clizzy, a bunch of other minor background pairings Rating: Explicit Art: @cor321 Beta: @all-thestories-aretrue Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, fake dating, oh my god they were roommates, friends with benefits, idiots to lovers, pining, miscommunication, holidays, drinking games, mistletoe, symbolically significant Oreos, domestic fluff, brief mention of past character death, Jace’s self-worth issues deserve their own tag Summary: What do you do when you find out your sister is not only dating your ex and love-of-your-high-school-life but is also bringing her home for Christmas? Bring your annoying, hot, annoyingly-hot roommate as your fake boyfriend to show them you're totally fine with it, obviously! There's no possible way this could backfire. Link: AO3 , Tumblr Master Post

Chapter Three

Jace woke with the sun just barely beginning to filter through his bedroom window. He’d been half-afraid, half-hopeful that he’d wake to find he and Simon had gravitated toward each other in the night, but they each remained firmly on their sides of the bed, a scant few inches between them.

They had, however, shifted slightly. Simon had kicked the covers off in the night, or maybe Jace had stolen them, and Simon was curled toward the center of the bed, facing Jace, one hand tucked beneath his cheek. His curls stuck out at odd angles, and there was a faint damp patch of drool on the pillow beneath him. Jace thought it was oddly endearing. Either that, or he was completely losing his mind. Probably both. Either way, he needed to get the hell out of bed before he did something really stupid, like reaching out to straighten those curls, or just continuing to lie here staring like some love-struck supermarket romance novel heroine.

Making as little noise as possible, Jace made his way out of bed and pulled on some actual clothes, including the very silly, but very soft reindeer-adorned sweater Izzy had given him for Christmas last year.

“How is it morning already?” Simon’s voice was muffled, and Jace refused to look over and see him looking, no doubt, adorable and far too right in that bed.

“The inexorable march of time,” Jace told him. “I was just going to head down and see about starting some coffee if Iz hasn’t already.”

“Gimme just a second and I’ll come with you,” Simon said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “Clary swears your sister’s coffee is amazing and almost makes it worth getting up as early as she does.”

“Nothing is worth getting up when Izzy does,” Jace told him, folding his arms and looking pointedly away while Simon changed. “But she does make some damned good coffee. I’m not sure how she manages to do that when she’s such a disaster with everything else in the kitchen.”

“That’s like the opposite of my sister. Becky is a great cook, but she can never brew a pot of coffee without getting grounds in it. Which is kind of messed up considering how much of it she drinks.”

“Is that where you get your caffeine addiction from?” Jace asked, risking a glance over at Simon for the sake of treating him to a mocking raised eyebrow. He was just in time to catch the last sliver of toned abs disappearing beneath the hem of a Yoda sweatshirt.

“Pretty sure we both get it from Mom.” Simon grinned at him, offering his hand. “Ready when you are, sweetheart.”

“Then let’s get a move on, sugar bear.”

They were greeted with Izzy’s singsong “Good morning!” as they descended the stairs. Clary, feet tucked up beneath her on the couch and leaning heavily into her girlfriend as she sipped her coffee, offered them a sleepy wave.

“About time,” Max muttered from where he sat, engrossed in his phone at the end of the opposite couch.

Jace should have known something was up from the way Izzy watched them as they made their way downstairs, should have felt the telltale dread he always felt at her slowly growing Cheshire Cat grin. But he hadn’t had his first cup of coffee, and he hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep, and he was still maybe just a little distracted by that tempting glimpse he’d gotten of Simon’s abs.

So, he was taken entirely surprised at Izzy’s half-shouted, “Stop!”

It was only after he’d obeyed on instinct that he saw the danger, saw a hint of Izzy’s manic smile reflected in the smirk Clary gave Simon.

“Look up,” Clary instructed.

Jace did, and then turned a flat stare on his sister. “Iz. Did you really get up before everyone else just so you could catch us under the mistletoe?”

“It’s not supposed to be for you,” Izzy said dismissively. “And Max was up before me, anyway.” Her grin grew. “But as long as you’re there.”

Jace glanced at Simon. They hadn’t actually talked about kissing since that brief, interrupted discussion in the cafe back in Boston, when Jace had promised to follow Simon’s lead. He hadn’t thought they’d end up under this kind of pressure, though, and the last thing he wanted was for Simon to feel like he didn’t have any other option than kissing Jace.

He turned back toward his sister. “Iz—”

His protest was interrupted by a pair of guitar-calloused hands cupping his face and drawing him into a gentle kiss. It barely lasted a second, not even long enough for Jace to really register it until it was already over, but Jace still missed the feel of Simon’s lips on his own as soon as it ended.

“All right,” Simon said. “We’ve satisfied your prurient interests, now tell me where to find coffee.”

“Big, brushed steel pot on the counter in the far right corner of the kitchen,” Izzy told him. “I’m glad at least you’re fun in the morning, even if Jace isn’t.”

“There’s still time for me to return your present, you know,” Jace told her.

“Nuh-uh. It’s Christmas, stores are all closed.”

“Are they always like this?” Simon asked Clary.

“Always,” she confirmed.

“No, they’re usually much worse,” Alec said as he and Magnus descended the stairs. “This is Iz and Jace on their best behavior.”

“Stick around long enough that they start thinking of you as family and the gloves will come off,” Magnus added with an exaggerated shudder.

Izzy didn’t even have a chance to point out the mistletoe before Alec was leaning in to give his fiancé a soft kiss. “You are family.”

Jace wasn’t sure they’d even noticed the mistletoe.

“Technically, not for another five months,” Magnus said. “Which reminds me, I need to call the florist back this week.”

“Already taken care of,” Alec assured him. “Even if I’m still not entirely clear on what a gladiolus is.”

“I only know that Scott Joplin wrote a rag named after them,” Simon said. “Which, I am realizing is completely beside the point. I’m going to go get that coffee.”

He turned to Jace. “You grab us some good seats, and I’ll bring you a cup.”

A few minutes later, everyone had a cup of coffee (even Max, although the cup Alec made for him was mostly milk and sugar), and Izzy had started a new pot brewing. Jace sipped his coffee contentedly as Simon gave an excited play-by-play of the winter concert to Clary, who apparently hadn’t heard the full story of the Great Harpsichord Mishap yet.

Jace, who had heard the story three times already, found his mind wandering back to that kiss. Which was stupid, because it wasn’t even that remarkable a kiss. Just a quick press of lips, really. Objectively speaking, he’d had better kisses. Many of them. It made no sense that he would be so hung up on this one, especially since it had clearly been no big deal to Simon. And yet, he couldn’t stop thinking about it, about the soft warmth of Simon’s lips, the way the callouses on Simon’s fingertips caught just slightly on the stubble along his jawline.

Luke joined them not long after the fresh pot of coffee finished brewing, bypassing the mistletoe trap by virtue of having stayed in the guest room on the first floor.

“Mom is taking too long,” Max announced as Luke returned to the living room with his own mug of coffee. “We should wake her up.”

“Max,” Alec chastised.

“What happened to being twelve now, buddy?” Jace teased.

“I want to open presents before I turn thirteen,” Max answered flatly.

“Your mother was up late getting things ready for today,” Luke said. “You should let her sleep.”

Max gave him a long look, then rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his phone.

“And how exactly would you know Maryse was up late?” Clary asked with an obviously feigned innocent curiosity.

“Because I stayed up to help her,” Luke said, leveling his stepdaughter with a look that said that was the end of the conversation. Clary’s feigned innocence turned to a more obvious smirk, but she let it drop.

By the time Maryse made her way down the stairs almost an hour later, Max was practically vibrating with impatience, although he was clearly trying not to show it.

And so was Izzy, although she was far less obvious about it. At least until she gasped in faux shock, “Oh no, Mom! Looks like you’re standing right underneath some mistletoe. Guess you’re going to have to kiss someone.”

She and Clary turned expectant smiles toward Luke, who returned a flat look and an equally flat, “Really?”

“Isabelle,” Maryse said in the tone of voice that usually preceded a lecture, “it’s impolite to make assumptions about people’s personal lives, or to try to trick them into revealing personal details they might not be ready to share.”

Izzy had the grace to look chagrined. “Sorry, Mama.”

“You’re forgiven,” Maryse said. “See that it doesn’t happen again.” She turned to Luke. “Lucian, are you just going to sit there or are you going to get over here and kiss me good morning.”

Izzy clapped a hand over her mouth to muffle her excited shriek as a laughing Luke walked over and let Maryse drag him into the sort of kiss Jace would never have expected her to give anyone in front of her children.

“Gross,” Max muttered. He had the sense not to say it loud enough for Maryse or Izzy to hear, but Jace kicked his foot and gave him a disapproving shake of his head.

“As you’ve probably gathered, and some of you clearly already guessed,” Maryse said, giving Izzy a pointed look, “Lucian and I have been seeing each other.” “

“We were planning to tell you after the holidays,” Luke added, “but I guess there’s no point in waiting now, is there?”

“We all kind of guessed,” Alec admitted. “And we couldn’t be happier for you.”

“You guys were pretty obvious,” Clary said.

“Super obvious,” Izzy agreed.

“Now can we open presents?” Max asked.

~~~

“Congratulations,” Jace said the next morning, as Simon was packing the last of his things back into his suitcase. “You survived an entire Lightwood Christmas celebration.”

“It was surprisingly less dramatic than I’d been led to believe it would be,” Simon said. “Except maybe the mistletoe thing. For a second there, I thought Luke was ready to strangle Clary.”

“Izzy’s the one he should be annoyed at,” Jace said. “I’m sure she talked Clary into helping her set that up.”

“Uh-uh, no way,” Simon insisted. “I know a Clary Fray plan when I see one, and that had her metaphorical fingerprints all over it.”

“Izzy’s too. I guess the rest of us will have to watch our backs with the two of them together.” He paused. “About the mistletoe thing. We’re okay, right?”

“Huh?” Simon threw him a confused glance. “Of course we are.” He frowned. “Unless... I didn’t overstep, did I? Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I know we never finished our discussion, and I didn’t even ask before I kissed you, I just thought—”

“Simon,” Jace interrupted. “It’s fine. I told you, I’m happy to follow your lead. I just wanted to make sure Iz and Clary didn’t pressure you into it. But as far as I’m concerned, you can kiss me whenever you want.”

For just an instant, Simon’s frown seemed to morph into something that was almost speculative, and Jace wondered if he’d given too much away. But it was gone so quickly he thought he might have imagined it, replaced by an easy smile.

“Cool. I’ll keep that in mind in case we get ambushed with any more mistletoe.”

It took Simon almost twenty minutes to get out the door once he made it downstairs. Clary wanted to nail down plans for getting together later in the week, and Max kept trying to convince Simon to stay a little longer and play the new video game they’d spent half the previous afternoon playing together.

“Max,” Jace said finally, “Simon needs to go spend time with his own family. If you want, I can play with you.”

Max considered him, then shook his head. “You haven’t got the combos down yet. You’re too easy to beat. But I guess I could teach you. If you want.”

“Sure,” Jace told him. “Why don’t you go get it set up while I help Simon take his stuff to the car.”

Max ran off without even bothering to say goodbye, and Jace shook his head. “I don’t know where that kid got his lack of manners.”

“I think I’ve got a pretty good idea,” Simon said, giving him a pointed look. “But I can be magnanimous about it, since he recognizes my clear video game superiority.”

“One day on a new game does not a champion make,” Jace told him. “We’ll see who’s got video game superiority when we get back home.”

“I’ve got an even better idea,” Clary interjected. “What about a game of Land Mines at Magnus’s New Year’s Eve party? Me and Simon against you and Izzy.”

“Oh,” Simon said, throwing an uncertain look at Jace. “Magnus’s party?”

They hadn’t talked about the New Year’s Eve party. Jace had thought about inviting Simon, had thought about inviting him even before they’d agreed to play each other’s boyfriends, but he figured Simon already had plans with his own friends and family. And now, it seemed too much to ask if it meant Simon spending New Year’s Eve having to pretend to be his boyfriend.

“You are coming, right?” Clary asked, looking between Simon and Jace with clear concern. “We always spend New Year’s Eve together. Unless you guys made other plans?”

“No!” Simon said quickly, avoiding looking at Jace. “No, of course I’ll be there. Obviously. I’m just, you know, not sure kicking Jace’s ass at Land Mines is worth the hangover.”

“The part where you’re worried about your hangover means we’ve already won,” Jace said, hating the way that Simon wouldn’t look at him. He’d have to find a way to make this up to him. “Not that you’ve ever beat me at a drinking game.”

“That’s only because I don’t play them,” Simon said, finally meeting his eyes with a forced smile. “I’ve watched Maia and Lily both drink you under the table, though, so I think I’ve got a pretty good shot, especially with Fray on my team.”

“You only say that because you’ve never seen Iz drink,” Jace told him. “I’ve definitely got the advantage when it comes to partners.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” Simon’s smile was less forced now, falling back into their usual banter.

“Uh huh,” Jace said, unimpressed. “I’ll believe it when I see it. Now get going before your mom decides she hates me for making you late before I even get the chance to meet her.”

“You’re cute and occasionally charming. She’ll love you,” Simon told him, but he picked up his bag anyway and started to head toward his van. Then he stopped and threw a quick glance at Clary, who still stood beside Jace in the doorway, before dropping his bag and strode the three steps back up to Jace to pull him into a kiss.

This kiss wasn’t fleeting like their kiss under the mistletoe had been. Jace had plenty of time to register what was happening as Simon’s mouth moved against his, enough time to relax into it. Enough time to get just a little lost and pull Simon closer.

When Simon pulled back from the kiss, he left behind the warmth of a sharp exhale against Jace’s lips. Jace opened his eyes to find Simon watching him with an unreadable expression.

“I’ll text you later,” Simon said.

“Yeah,” Jace agreed, hoping Simon couldn’t hear the faint unsteadiness in his voice.

“And I’ll see you,” Simon pointed at Clary, who Jace had momentarily forgotten was even there, “day after tomorrow.”

Right. Clary. That’s why Simon had kissed him. Because it would have been weird for him to leave without kissing his boyfriend goodbye. Jace stepped back, putting some much-needed space between the two of them.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Clary said.

Simon flashed Jace a quick smile before turning and taking his bag out to his van.

“Come on,” Clary said, linking her arm with Jace’s and tugging him back inside. “I need to go tell my girlfriend that I volunteered her to get trounced at Land Mines.”

“Please,” Jace said, doing his best to push everything that had just happened out of his mind. “You know you’re going to lose. Just admit it now and save yourself the embarrassment.”

#shadowhunters #shmb2021 #jimon #jimon fic #jace wayland #simon lewis

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willow-salix · 4 years ago

Text

Fluffember prompt : Fond (vaguely, I'm sorry, you get what you get and you will like it)

Day 8 of Isolation on Tracy Island 2.0

I can’t have been the only one to notice it, I really can’t, because it was just so out of character for the big guy that it had taken me a few days to realise that anything was going on at all. I must be losing my touch, usually I have a kind of sixth sense for these guys, that's why I’m their emotional support witch, I’m the one that keeps an eye on them, forces them to sleep when they need to and makes sure they eat.

“Hey,” I said in greeting, coming over to the desk and settling my butt on the corner. That’s how you get Jeff’s attention, you put yourself right in his eyeline and you don’t leave until he notices you.

“Hey yourself,” his eyes flickered to where I was sitting with one butt cheek on his paperwork, but he was too polite to say anything about it so he left me where I was.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, go ahead,” he actually took his glasses off and put them down before he looked up at me, showing he was paying full attention.

“Have you noticed that something is a bit off with Virgil?”

“No, I…” he trailed off, pausing as he thought about it.

“He’s seeming a bit grumpy, like his usual morning bear with a sore head is extending further into the day than usual. I mean, we all know not to approach before he’s had his morning bucket of coffee, but this is a bit extreme, even for him.”

“Now that you mention it, he has seemed a little on edge.”

“That’s a bit of an understatement, he actually growled this morning when his toast took too long to pop up.”

“Well, yes, that is a bit unusual.”

“What can I do to help him?”

“He’s always happy when he is doing something, that’s why he hardly ever sits around,” Jeff told me. “He’s like John, he likes to stay busy.”

“What can we do then, find him something to do?”

“That would be my suggestion, yes.”

“Do you have a suggestion for something I can do with him, too?”

“Unfortunately not.”

I nodded, my mind whirling until I hit upon the most obvious solution. “I’ll ask John.”

“Good plan,” Jeff agreed, sliding his glasses back on, a sure sign that he was dismissing you in the most polite way. I took the hint and hopped off the desk and toddled off to find the hubby.

“Babe?” I dropped down on the stool next to him at the kitchen table.

“Hm?” he answered, rather noncommittally, I thought.

“Is there anything that I can do with Virgil?”

He paused in his typing to look at me.

“In what way? What’s the purpose?”

“Just to give him something to do, your dad said that he needs to be kept busy.”

John paused for a second, thinking, then pulled up something on his holotab. “The last time the mail was picked up was more than two weeks ago, you could go with him to do that,” he suggested. “There should be enough by now to be worth the trip. I think Gordon has ordered a few bits and I know you have, plus we almost always have fan mail.”

“That could work, my candle wax should have arrived by now, too.”

“Have fun...” he paused to watch Gordon slide into the room, headphones on, butt shimmying as he danced to the fridge. “Please take him with you.”

“For you, anything,” I promised, dropping a kiss on his nose. “Yo! Squidward, with me!”

Next up, drafting the chonk.

***

Virgil had been mostly back to his usual placid self on the flight to the mainland, obviously happy to have an excuse, no matter how flimsy it was, to take his ‘bird out to stretch her wings. As with all of the boys he was never as content as when he was spending time with his lady. Honestly anyone that gets with a Tracy needs to know from the start that they will be sharing their man with another and she’ll be bigger and prettier than you, sorry, just spitting straight facts.

Gordon assembled the cargo pod and, with Virgil driving it, Gordon and I jumped in the back ready to load up. Apparently the mail room had banned the use of the mechanical arm because there had been an incident with a pile of boxes that had caused an avalanche and now it had to be done by hand.

Gordon tossed everything in to me where I was in charge of arranging it all carefully so nothing would get squished. It was quite a job, there were a lot of packages, mostly fan mail I have to say, we aren't that addicted to shopping that we could fill the pod cage that much. Some of them were very heavy too, one of which, a large packing crate that was addressed to Virgil needed both of us to lift it and slide it into the back.

Eventually we were done and ready to head out. Now, I can’t be sure when it actually started, but I’d noticed that the patience of the chonky one had started wearing thin, he was sounding grumpier by the second, his little grunts of acknowledgement at our endless chatter now turning into something vaguely growl like.

“What’s with him?” I whispered to Gordon. He glanced at his brother then leaned in conspiritally to answer me.

“It’s his coffee.”

I frowned, not understanding. He didn’t have any coffee to be worried about. “I might need an explanation for that, love.”

“Virgil loves his coffee,” Gordon patiently explained, rather like he was telling a dog to sit.

“I’m aware.”

“The fancier the better,” he continued.

I lifted an eyebrow at that. Virgil, from what I’d seen, was a pretty straight coffee drinker. He’d take it however it came as long as it was large, hot and strong enough to wake the dead, which is what he was first thing in the morning. I barely ever saw him add milk or creamer, let alone anything fancy. It just did not compute.

“It’s our secret, but I’d be very surprised if John doesn’t know.”

“Doesn’t know what?” I was sooo curious now. How dare they keep secrets from me? I have no life at the moment, I need to live vicariously through them all, I need to know the details, I need to feel special.

“That it’s online, have you never seen the tag?”

“What tag?” Why did I feel like we were actually having two different conversations?

He pulled out his phone and typed something in, turning to show me the screen. The tag said #podspotter and under it was a number of pictures that had obviously been taken at various times in a variety of places but that was the only normal thing about them.

In every one of them there was Virgil on his own or with Gordon and they were either in a pod vehicle, standing beside it or it was on its own. Again, not too strange until you looked closer.

In one the mole was stopped in a drive through Starbucks, in another an elevator car was parked beside a truck in a car park, in another the Helipod was hovering just in shot while Virgil walked towards it with a coffee cup in each hand. The more he scrolled the more there were.

“The fans turned it into a game, which country will the pod be in next.”

“How does no one else know about this?” I asked.

“Know about what?” Virgil asked from behind us, making us both jump.

“Your coffee addiction,” Gordon supplied, tucking his phone back into his pocket.

“It’s not an addiction,” he grumbled, rubbing the back of his neck, his cheeks tinged a little pink. “I just have a fondness for good coffee, and if we’re already out or on our way back to the island why not stop off and get one?”

Why not indeed. I supposed he had a point, I mean, most people think nothing of grabbing a cup on the way to and from work, or at lunch or even just when out on a shopping trip or before a journey, why should he be any different.

“Is that why you’ve been grumpy?” I asked.

“Grumpy? I’m never grumpy!”

“Yeah, you are,” Gordon laughed.

“Am not!”

“You are,” I agreed.

“That is insulting and untrue,” he sniffed, crossing his arms, his eyebrows drawn down in a scowl. We didn't say anything, we just looked at him and waited.

“OK, so maybe I’ve been a little tense,” he admitted with a sigh. There it was, the dawning of truth.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” I offered. The desire to keep my boys happy was one of the main reasons I’d agreed to come back for another round of island grounding. They did so much for the world and often had to adjust their lives to fit in with helping others, they couldn’t do the ‘normal’ things that we take for granted, like jumping in the car and grabbing a loaf of bread or something for dinner without having to plan it days in advance, buy in bulk or have to abandon the trip at a moment’s notice if a call came in. It wasn’t something I really thought about, but it was times like these that brought it home a little bit.

“Not really,” he shrugged. “They are just a little treat thing. Something that feels like a reward at the end of a tough rescue. It’s not something that we do every time, but Squid here might get a brownie or something and I’ll get my coffee and we’ll take five minutes to relax a little before we go home or head out again. You need that time, those little moments of calm and normalcy when you do a job like ours.”

The look on his face couldn’t be described as anything else but pining, like a dog who had lost his favourite toy or was waiting for its owner to come home.

“Shall we grab one now?” I asked, taking pity on him. “I could go for a latte or a hot chocolate.” The outside temperature was a little cold after the island and we’d been in the mail warehouse for over an hour, which had contributed to putting a chill in my bones. The boys were even more sensitive to temperature changes than I was, I’m English, I’m used to damp, chilly weather almost all the time, but that didn’t mean we wouldn't all benefit from a little something to warm us up.

“There’s a place near here that does an amazing white chocolate latte,” he mused, seeming to perk up a little. “You could have the best of both then.”

“Sounds perfect,” I nodded.

“Let’s load this lot up in Two and then we can have a little lunch maybe?” he suggested as an afterthought. One thing I��ve noticed about Virgil is that he never liked to cause a fuss, he didn’t like to put people out or really ask for anything for himself. It was people like him that we’re content to chill in the background until they were needed or spoken to. People always thought that John was the quiet one, but I’d say that he and Virgil were pretty much equal when it came to attention grabbing.

Virgil was more confident and comfortable than John in social situations, he was so laid back and easy going that you knew you could take him anywhere and he’d have a great time. He’d join in with any conversation and would make friends anywhere he went. If he was comfortable and with people that he knew well he’d happily join in with the prank pulling and brother teasing, but his inbuilt need to be the peacemaker and comforter meant that he rarely pushed his way into a situation without an invitation. He was always too worried about annoying someone, hurting their feelings or taking away their chance to talk. He often needed a little encouragement to take charge and decide what to do.

“Food is the best idea you’ve had in the last week,” Gordon agreed.

“You always think food is a good idea,” Virgil laughed as he climbed back into the drivers seat, his bad mood evaporating now that his precious was almost in his grasp.

***

“So, how’d it go?” John asked when we got back. Seeing my arms full he jumped up to help, relieving me of some of my packages, carrying them to the bedroom for me when I started heading in that direction.

“It was fine, we stopped off for food.”

“Food?”

“I got you a grilled chicken sub, extra lettuce and pickles,” I lifted the brown paper bag I carried as proof.

“This is why I married you,” he grinned, dropping our post on the bed and reaching for the bag.

“Well, I must say I had hoped it would be for something a little more meaningful and important than food, but I’ll take what I can get.”

“There are other reasons,” he assured me, sitting down on the edge of the end to unwrap his sandwich. “Did you find out why Virgil was grumpy?”

“Yep,” I flopped down in the squishy reading chair that lived under the window. “Caffeine withdrawal.”

John paused in his chewing, obviously trying to work out how that could be possible since Virgil seemed to have a mug surgically attached to his hand most hours of the day, then the expression cleared, comprehension dawning.

“His post rescue speciality coffees,” he nodded, taking another bite.

“Wait, you know about them? Why did you never tell me?”

“Of course I know. I monitor all the crafts whenever they are off island, for whatever reason that is, it wouldn’t do for something to happen to one of them and for us to not have an accurate and up to date last location. I know when they stop off and I see where they go. Plus EOS found the tag over a year ago.”

“Yet you’ve never said anything?”

He shrugged. “Why would I? He’s always had a fondness for them. It started in university, he said there was something comforting about having a warm drink to sip while he was studying or in class. He didn’t drink them for the caffeine hit, it was just to keep him warm and give him something familiar. I’m not surprised he still does it.”

I shook my head, utterly lost for words. It never ceased to amaze me, the hidden depths that these boys possessed. I loved the way that they all either consciously chose not to mention things like this or just didn’t think to, but it was there all the same, a silent support and respect for each other.

“OH MY GOD, THIS IS AMAZING!”

We both jumped, hearing Virgil’s excited bellow floating up from the lounge. We exchanged a look, then both took off to see what all the fuss was about.

We found him sitting in front of the open crate, straw and packing materials surrounding him on the floor. He had a bottle of syrup in each hand and a large jar of coffee beans on his lap. I glanced in the crate, seeing it full to bursting with more syrups, probably six other types of beans, bags of chocolate drops, tiny marshmallows, stirring sticks, sprinkles and right on top a recipe book.

“We have the best fans in the world! I’m gonna have so much fun with this.”

#virgil tracy #john tracy #gordon tracy #jeff tracy #thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds 2015 #thunderbirds #thunderbirds in isolation #isolation island

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