#this is literally my first submission hate not even through a fucking ask box

[vilethot]

Now you see how sick this shit is?? I have LITERALLY NEVER received this before (u can check my blog for asks they’ve all been from mutuals) up until I called someone’s racism like 😐

[surfalldaybaby]

”A Very Long and Comprehensive Analysis of Feyre’s Experience w/ Trauma and Abuse

- This is not a kind analysis of Nesta but please still read it if you want. It’s not in the wrong tags tho so please don’t rant about how much you love Nesta. I love that for you. Personally, I hate her. :)

Also- I use many of the quotes that @feysandlover and @dont-rattle-aelin used to prove her point that Nesta is abusive because she pulled many of the really jarring ones. 

I was looking through the Rhysand tag and for some reason someone posted something comparing Nesta and Feyre in terms of their trauma, and they said that Nesta had experienced way more trauma than Feyre and I-

That’s disgusting.

First - don’t compare trauma

Second- they were wrong and lacked critical thinking skills that left out Feyre’s full experience with abuse

Nesta was sexually assaulted ( which nobody talks about enough) and her family’s fortune flipped making them poor overnight. Because of this she fostered anger towards her father. I get that. I sympathize with that. She is then taken away from her life and forcefully changed into fae. I cannot imagine what that felt like for her. It must have been devastating. Her whole identity was shifted in one day and she went from hating fae to being fae. Confusing and overwhelming. She then goes into war and develops PTSD and depression from her experiences. She sees her father die and is unable to reconcile her anger and his death. It’s horrible and I cannot even begin to understand the depth of her emotions here. I have zero issue saying that about Nesta because it’s true she has gone through extaordinary trauma and I cannot imagine how she fully feels. She deals with this trauma in unhealthy ways because they only exacerbate her feelings of worthlessness. Not her fault. However, she also treats Mor and Feyre and Rhys in disrespectful ways and Cassian and her have an unhealthy dynamic where they insult each other. Her and Amren have a shaky and partner like relationship but it is by no means a sturdy one. Az and Nesta don’t seem to have a relationship at all. She has no true healthy relationship with anyone but Elain, and you could argue even that is not truly healthy.

Much of Nesta’s trauma is due to extraneous factors and a multitude or variables. It’s valid and it matters just as much as Feyres. They are both real. However the amount of traumatic experiences she has gone through does not come close to rivaling that of Feyre’s and to even try and compare them is disgusting. Trauma should never be compared but I want to show Feyre’s experience in a broader light to show her development from a scared girl to high lady

Feyre was never an active abuser in any relationship she was always the one being abused. Nesta was abused and she was also the abuser. It is important to point that out because it heavily impacts Feyre’s story.

Also, I believe the reason Feyre became so accustomed and slipped so easily into being a victim to Tamlins abuse is because Feyre was already the victim of emotional abuse from her sisters. We see this everyday, research shows that victims of abuse go back to abusive relationship and form new relationships that center around abuse because they are used to it and find it comforting. This is an extraneous point that you can agree with or can argue against it’s just a personal connection I made. However, it is very evident how Nesta and Elains treatment of Feyre affects her. She has no self confidence, she remains illiterate and with no real knowledge of polite manners ( something important in the real world, something that holds her back from being able to assimilate into the real world), her spirit is broken down at home because she knows  that verbal attacks are going to come and Nesta is going to lash out and say horrible disgusting things to her if she asks her to do something or holds her accountable for her lack of work. She is constantly degraded for everything that she does and it has a pronoucned effect on her psyche throughout the trilogy and novella. 

Like Nesta, Feyre also had to go through her family losing their fortune, she also had to bear the weight of her promise to her mother, she had to support her sisters financially going into the forest alone to hunt animals just as big as herself at 14. She never had money for herself because her sisters took it from her. Like they literally took all her money to buy things they did not need, leaving Feyre with basically nothing.

“I’d love a new cloak,” Elain said at last with a sigh, at the same moment Nesta rose and declared: “I need a new pair of boots.””“I kept quiet, knowing better than to get in the middle of one of their arguments, but I glanced at Nesta’s still-shiny pair by the door. Beside hers, my too-small boots were falling apart at the seams, held together only by fraying laces... I drowned them out as they began quarreling over who would get the money the hide would fetch tomorrow…”

 And Nesta complains and whines and doesn’t stop gaslighting Feyre because of her lack of hard work. But, she doesn’t want to do work herself because she thinks it’s beneath her. 

“I thought you were going to chop wood today. Nesta picked at her long, neat nails. “I hate chopping wood. I always get splinters. She glanced up from beneath her dark lashes. Of all of us, Nesta looked the most like our mother—especially when she wanted something. “Besides, Feyre,” she said with a pout, “you’re so much better at it! It takes you half the time it takes me. Your hands are suited for it—they’re already so rough.” My jaw clenched. “Please,” I asked, calming my breathing, knowing an argument was the last thing I needed or wanted. “Please get up at dawn to chop that wood.” I unbuttoned the top of my tunic. “Or we’ll be eating a cold breakfast.” Her brows narrowed. “I will do no such thing!”

She doesn’t care about Feyre or the fact that starving is their new reality. Poverty is what they live in. We all know if Feyre didn’t go hunting Nesta would be furious at Feyre and belittle her and make her feel small and responsible for their hunger.

“Take those disgusting clothes off.” 

“Any bit of praise for anyone—me, Elain, other villagers—usually resulted in her dismissal.”

“Is there a problem, Feyre?” She flung my name like an insult, and my jaw ached from clenching it so hard.”

“You stink like a pig covered in its own filth. Can’t you at least try to pretend that you’re not an ignorant peasant?”c“Take those disgusting clothes off.” 

“What do you know?” Nesta breathed. “You’re just a half-wild beast with the nerve to bark orders at all hours of the day and night. Keep it up, and someday—someday, Feyre, you’ll have no one left to remember you, or to care that you ever existed.” She stormed off, Elain darting after her, cooing her sympathy. 

Then Tamlim comes and kidnaps her. More trauma. She falls in love with him, I think partly because of Stockholm Syndrome and also because he shows her a level of kindness that she was not given at home, and then he disappears so she has to go back to her life with her sisters. Her sisters have all the benefits of her being stolen away bcs Feyre was able to provide their old house and wealth back through Tamlin’s gift. Her sisters literally never did anything to provide for themselves or help their father or sister. If you really think about that situation as a whole it’s devastating. Then she goes to save Tamlin and finds that her home and her loved one was basically destroyed. She goes to save him.

While under the mountain Amarantha humiliates and tortures her for fun. She makes her run around trying to get away from a monster, her illiteracy is exploited for amusement while she is under pressure of death by fire, she is forced to kill fae in order to save her love, and she has to suffer with her injuries in a basement where everyone is rooting against her.

Then she fucking dies. And like Nesta she is forced to become fae in order to survive. Like she can’t catch a break. Her whole life has really just been horrible and so traumatic. A series of abuses.

That’s not even all! She goes home and is deeply depressed and struggling with PTSD and Tamlin, who she literally was tortured and died to save, takes advantage of her sexually because he is too scared to acknowledge that she is struggling. He uses her body for his pleasure while she throws up every night after he leaves her bedroom due to the nightmares she gets from saving hundreds of fae. She is also forced to fit into a box that she doesn’t want- wearing dresses, pretending to be happy, becoming a figurehead as Tamlins bride knowing that it means she will have to be submissive and have children. Lucien emotionally abused her and ignores her obvious depression because of his own fear of what Tamlin would say. He is a bystander. She is so broken that she stops caring about everything, even painting, the one thing she always loved. Then he traps her in his house which is traumatizing again because she was just trapped under the mountain! Even the people she loved, the people she trusted, continually can’t stop abusing her.

She finds happiness and stability later on after intensive work on herself, and months of building healthy relationships, but she is still troubled because of the guilt she feels from the townsfolks anger and their sense of righteousness for her actions even though she did the best she could in every circumstance. When she goes to try and save those townspeople it becomes clear that Nesta still hates her. She shows Feyre no kindness. The only reason she is allowed to use the house, the one that Feyre got for them, was because of Elain. Even after that Nesta insults her repeatedly for being fae. Those statments from the first book that I quoted higher up in this post are just a small part of how she speaks to Feyre in the following three books after she finds out that she is fae. Even after Feyre saves her and supports her she continues abusing and blaming Feyre. She continues to insult. degrade, shame, and humiliate her to uplift her own lack of self worth. Its a technique to stop her own insecurity and depression but it is in no way excusable. It’s no wonder Rhysand hates her. She abused his mate for years- something that he experienced under the mountain (shame, gaslighting, and humiliation). That is her life. She goes on to see her father murdered. She suffered so much in such a short amount of time is a wonder she wasn’t more broken.

Don’t come to me saying Nesta experienced more trauma to prove your point that Nesta is a good person and not responsible for her actions because she “feels to much” and is a woman that is cruel, and prideful, and unapologetic “bcs that’s who she is.” She has to be held accountable for her actions, her attitude, and her lack of words and apologies to everyone she wronged- especially her sister.

Feyre sacrifices her childhood, her body, her mental health, and her life in order to provide the stability that her sisters felt was their norm. They are inherently priviledged because of that sacrifice. They felt and still feel entitled to her money, and her loyalty, and that of her friends and mate. They survive because of Feyre. And Feyre never once called them out on their behavior, not even when they continually disrespected her after she provided them with a place to live and money to live off of. This was due to her feelings of guilt and the trauma that she had continually been victim to as a child and in Tamlins court.

Some of y’all use the excuse that they never asked Feyre to do any of that and I’m genuinely appalled that that is even a response to her genuine sacrifice. Her mother asked her to take care of them. Nobody was stepping up. Nesta was not going to go into the forest and neither was Elain, both for different but equally disappointing reasons. They both would have let the family starve. Also, Nesta and Elain were both older than her. Elain and Nesta as Feyre’s old sisters should have, and had a responsibility, to ensure that Feyre didn’t have to do what she did. Their apathy and ungrateful attitude is disgusting. Disgusting and unforgivable. Sure, Feyre may have been able to do it but she never should have had to. The three of them should have figured out a plan of equal work to give and take and survive. Y’all saying that Feyre never had to do that I- ... do you not have a family? Do you not have loved ones? You don’t have to do something to help your family, but you do it anyway because you love them and you hate to see them suffer. It’s just that usually you aren’t being exploited and taken advantage of at 14, for years on end, because the sentiment is usually reciprocated.

Perhaps if they had taken better care of their younger sister she would not have been in the woods and killed the fae. Perhaps all three of them would have bore the brunt of their fathers injury together and made a family. Perhaps if she hadn’t killed the fae in the forest when she was starving due to her sisters laziness, Elain and Nesta would never have been forced into being fae.

They neglected Feyre. They aren’t as responsible for her as their father ofc but they actively neglected her and Nesta even slut shamed her for her consensual sexual relationship with Isaac. The one thing she had that her sisters couldn’t take and Nesta called her filthy and disgusting for it.

“At least I don’t have to resort to rutting in the hay with Isaac Hale like an animal.” 

Nesta remains unapologetic and to me she is not a feminist character. Sarah J Mass tried to use her as that trope to fulfill her idea of a “powerful woman” icon but she’s just a cruel and traumatized woman who people let off the hook. She gets away with it because she gaslights other characters while taking no responsibility for herself. She was abused and traumatized herself but that’s never an excuse for her in turn abusing someone else.

Now I don’t mean to say that Nesta or Elain are irredeemable. Frankly I think they both have potential to be good characters if they just apologized to Feyre in the next book, and really put those sentiments into actions. I do think Nesta is a bad person right now, I think she’s an abuser. And I think it’s hard for abusers to change their pattern of abuse. Elain is less of an outright abuser and more complicit in the abuse. I don’t know if either of them can change, but they definitely won’t if people keep letting them off the hook for their disgusting behavior. I am not impressed or charmed by either of them. Until they show a hint of gratitude and remorse to their sister because as y’all can tell she went through hell to make sure they were taken care of. Not to say that they didn’t do anything for Feyre. They both  had important roles to play in the war, and they do have their moments of kindness and bravery and showed they cared for Feyre but abusers can be kind and considerate and brave one minute and then switch up just as fast. It’s about showing a consistent pattern of respect and love. 

Just because Feyre took care of Elain and Nesta their whole damn life does not mean she has to be responsible for them as high lady. Also she is not responsible for knowing how to deal with their trauma. Her own abuse, and lack of real world experience- because Nesta and Elain never taught her to read, and Nesta continually degraded and made cruel remarks to Feyre about her lack of manners “ disgusting pig, take off your clothes didn’t anyone teach you ...” (manners she didn’t develop because she was in the forest)- means she is not perfect at confronting Nestas PTSD or depression. Feyre’s intention was always good, whereas you can’t tell me that Nestas was good and pure. She is not exempt from being respectful and kind because she is hurt and has mental illnesses. She is not exempt from apologizing because she “feels to much.”

This applies to all of the IC as well. They are all healing. They all experienced trauma that rivals what Feyre went through. It’s no wonder they built a family from that shared bond. They are healing together- not healed. Nesta is not entitled to Feyre’s care or her friends kindness. She is not entitled to be added into the group painting or their secret jokes or parties because she continues to push them all away. Then she insults them and disrespects them. The inner circle has already suffered so much they are not exactly going to be open to accepting Nesta knowing her history and her current actions and remarks, and the history of the IC. Do y’all not remember Mors family nailing a stake into her body for losing her virginity? Or Cassian, Az, and Rhys being forced to bond together to survive, being called bastards, and being ganged up on by all their peers? Rhys being sexually abused for 50 years and seeing his parents murdered? Az being stuck in a basement so long he became the shadows and his hands being burned so badly they were hard to look at? Or Amren being in the wrong body for centuries and still she and all of the IC remain a family because they try to understand each other and their experiences. Nesta was not only rude to them she was cruel and spiteful, especially to their high lady, and they don’t need an excuse, but especially as victims of abuse, they are not perfect, and they sure as hell are not obligated to embrace Nesta into their family. The IC and Feyre deserve better.

A lot of people have posed the argument that if Nesta was male everyone would love her but I disagree. If an older brother let his sister go hunting alone in the woods for years while sitting on his ass, slut shamed her and called her dirty and disgusting, blamed her for her family’s poverty and spoke to her like she was trash for years and years, verbally and emotionally belittled her, felt entitled to her possessions and her kindness while they were both struggling to heal from abuse, predisposes his sister to accepting abuse as a form of relationship, and then rather than apologize “steels [her] back” and says nothing-not even an apology or a thank you for saving their life tenfold- he would never even have gotten a redemption story, or a mate, let alone a 700 page book. He would be the most hated character in the series but because it’s Nesta and she’s a woman and y’all pose her as this feminist it’s okay that shes abusive all throughout the series.

[illmaticreid]

We Fell in Love in October - Part 6

DESCRIPTION: Noah is in college studying film and has been a very boring freshman thus far. Her roommate demands that she goes to a party with her and this is where she meets an extremely bold Matthew.

Warnings: language, slight angst, unprotected sex, alcohol, daddy kink, butt stuff hehe, vomit

A/N: I am sorry it took me like two months to write this lol I know no one really cares but I feel bad that it took so long. Also, I am thinking of ending the story. I have no motivation to write and don’t see it going anywhere. Noah & Matthew are too happy to have conflicts lol. I am thinking of writing a sugar daddy story with Matthew/Spencer and then this story will just end :( 

Word Count: 3.1k

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE |

Today was my birthday. It was the first time I was actually excited for my birthday. Normally, I hated acknowledging that I was getting older. This was the first time I had someone to spend my birthday with, though. I am used to being with friends, but that really isn't the same as spending it with a significant other.

Ellie was planning on taking me to lunch today in between classes, and I just asked Matthew to spend the rest of the day with each other. I didn't want to have a party or be around a bunch of people I don't know very well.

Matthew and I are in a class together today, and we have to go through short scenes with dialogue. I am not sure what I want to do in life or in my career, so acting in front of others scared me. Especially Matthew. I know I am comfortable in front of him, but I am probably just gonna embarrass myself.

The scenes are supposed to be extremely intense, depending on how the actor wants to portray it. Matthew is not my partner, so we won't be doing any scenes together. I haven't decided if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

A couple pairs had already gone through the scene a couple times in front of the class. The scene was about a couple getting into a fight, and either making up or continuing on with the argument. Most of it was adlib and, the pairs had to figure out how they wanted it to go on their own.

I think my partner had a small crush on me, which made me slightly uncomfortable. I had no idea if he was going to pull something on me during our act. Matthew's partner was this extremely attractive girl who was very serious about acting. I felt a little self-conscious but either way, it was just an assignment.

Matthew was up next, and I felt my palms start to sweat. Their dialogue started off like everyone else's. There was intense arguing that flowed seamlessly. Hopefully, Matthew and I never argued like that. I think I would burst out in tears.

As their argument became quieter, I realized they had decided to make up. Matthew's partner got close to his face, and their dialogue became almost too quiet for the class to hear.

She suddenly leaned up and kissed him softly. I almost got out of my seat and screamed. Kissing? No one said shit about kissing. No one else in our class had decided to kiss their partner on the mouth. What the fuck was he thinking? He pulled away from her rather quickly and went back to his seat.

My face heated up in anger as I gave him daggers from across the room. He refused to make eye contact with me. Okay, Matthew, two can play at that game.

When it was my turn to do the scene, my partner was being exceptionally weird. Maybe I was being weird because I was taking my real-life anger out on him. Our scene was supposed to end with a hug but, at the last minute, I told him to kiss me. It was actually me kissing him, but it didn't really matter.

I pulled him in by his shirt and placed my mouth on his in a heated kiss. The kiss was not heated at all, though. In fact, it was gross and slimy. Putting my lips on anybody's but Matthew's was enough to make me gag.   I walked off the front of the stage and left class altogether. I probably failed this ridiculous assignment but, I didn't care.

I heard footsteps behind me as I walked to my car. I was praying it wasn't my partner. I was also slightly praying that it wasn't Matthew.

"Noah, wait!"

I rolled my eyes when I heard the familiar sound of Matthew's voice.

"What was that?" He said once he finally caught up to me.

"What?"

"You kissed your partner, gagged, and then left the classroom," Matthew spoke. I couldn't tell if he wanted to laugh or be pissed off at me. Probably a little bit of both.

"Oh? You're allowed to kiss your partner, and I am not?" I asked without a hint of humor in my voice. I didn't know if it was ridiculous to be upset, but I just wasn't expecting my boyfriend to kiss another girl today.

"Noah, whoa, whoa, whoa," Matthew chuckled before continuing. What was so funny? "I didn't kiss another girl, it was an assignment that we had to do for an acting class. Also, she kissed me. Should I be mad at you for kissing your partner? Clearly, it was only to try and get back at me."

My shoulders slumped in defeat. He knew me all too well, and now I looked like an idiot.

"I don't think it was appropriate to kiss her, Matthew."

"I don't think it was appropriate to kiss him, and then gag about it," Matthew laughed again. It was hard to stay mad at him when all he kept doing was laughing at what just happened.

I had to admit, I am acting ridiculous. Why did they have to kiss, though? The thought alone made my blood boil.

"I didn't mean to gag, he was just a bad kisser. I am mad that you let her even get that close to you," I spoke angrily.

"Oh, Noah. You are adorable," Matthew chuckled again. I furrowed my eyebrows at him, trying my best to seem angrier than I actually was.

"Take me seriously!"

"I can't, the argument is laughable. I don't want to actually kiss that girl. I don't even know her name. You should know that you're the only girl I love," He said sweetly.

I tried to be more upset, but I couldn't. He made me swoon.

When I didn't say anything, Matthew continued. "Don't ever forget how much you mean to me. You're so special. Also, my dick is literally so hard right now. You are so hot when you are angry."

My face got very hot very quickly as I looked down at his pants and saw his jeans starting to bulge.

"Would you like me to fix that for you?" I asked, innocently.

Matthew moaned quietly as I palmed his pants. I had to remember that we were in the middle of a hallway and anyone could walk out of class and catch us.

"I have a little surprise for you if you want to come back to my place," Matthew said with a smirk.

"I said no presents!"

"I know, but this is a present for both of us."

I agreed so, we walked to his car and drove to Matthew's apartment. When we got inside, he handed me a long but thin box that felt light.

"If this is jewelry or anything expensive, I won't accept it," I spoke firmly. I really hated getting gifts. If it was something small, or something I really needed then, I would be okay with it.

"Just open it, Noah," Matthew laughed. I sighed before opening the box that revealed tissue paper. I pulled back the tissue paper and found fuzzy pink handcuffs.

"You kinky little bitch," I squealed at Matthew before taking them out of the box. He let out a loud laugh and wouldn't stop smiling at me. They were adorable. The pink fuzz was more of a feather-like material. I am assuming that he bought these ones in particular so that they would be a little more gentle on me.

"Would you like to use them?" Matthew said sinisterly. The smile was ripped off of my face within seconds. Yes, I thought they were cute and funny. I had forgotten that they would actually have to get used. Which meant that I would have to be completely submissive to Matthew.

"Now?" I asked, my mouth agape.

I received a nod from Matthew as he took the handcuffs out of my hands and threw me over his shoulder. We entered his bedroom and Matthew kicked the door shut with his foot before throwing me onto the bed. He started to take his clothes off, never breaking eye contact with me.

Matthew only had his underwear on as he walked over to me and placed his hand underneath my chin, tilting my face up to look at him.

"I can't wait to see how pretty you look with these little pink handcuffs on," Matthew spoke just above a whisper. God, he was so fucking hot. I started undressing, not being able to take the waiting anymore.

I laid on Matthew's bed, completely naked, waiting for him to make the first move. He flipped me over onto my back, grabbed both of my hands with one of his, and pinned me down. He grabbed the handcuffs and put them on me tightly. I winced at the pain but he knew how much I really liked it.

"Are you ready for the best birthday sex you've ever had, Noah?"

"Do your worst," I said as I lifted my hips up into the air.

No other words were spoken as he slipped his dick into me. I yelped loudly, and Matthew just chuckled at me. It hurt, but it also felt amazing at the same time.

Matthew continued to pound into mercilessly as I laid there, screaming and moaning. I started moving my hips back up against him, and Matthew stopped moving and let me do my thing.

"Fuck," I moaned, getting tired from all of the work I was putting in. My hips began to slow down and eventually, they came to a stop. Matthew apparently did not like that.

"Did I say that you could stop?"

"I'm sorry," I panted.

Matthew grabbed my hair and wrapped it around his hand in a fist. I moaned at the pain coming from my scalp. He rammed his hips into me quickly with as much force as he could.

"You feel so good, Matthew," I whispered into the bedsheets.

"Yeah? You like that? Tell me more."

I felt my face get red as I told him how much I liked it. How much I liked his dick absolutely obliterating me. I could feel the heat begin to grow in my stomach and I knew I was close. It felt like I was starting to see stars.

I felt Matthew's hand rest on my ass, and his thumb slowly started to drift somewhere that I wasn't quite sure I was comfortable with. I wasn't stopping him, though. I let his thumb travel dangerously close to my 'backdoor' before realizing what he was up to.

Matthew's thumb slipped inside of me and before I could scream at him to get out, I came. I was completely ashamed that he made me orgasm by sticking his finger in my ass, but also couldn't even focus because of how amazing it felt.

Seconds into my orgasm, Matthew pulled out of me and came onto my back. He was groaning and hissing, and it was music to my ears.

After he wiped me down, I figured now would be the best time to ask what the fuck just happened.

"First, uncuff me. Second, why did you put your thumb in my ass?" I all but screamed.

Matthew chuckled before saying, "I don't know. It was just there and I wanted to see what happened. You clearly liked it though." He had a stupid shit-eating grin on his face.

"Fuck you! You didn't even ask if that was okay with me."

"I know. I'm sorry, but now I know you are into butt stuff," He giggled.

"I am not into butt stuff. You are! It was your idea," I said while trying to hold back my own giggles and a little bit of embarrassment that I was indeed, into butt stuff.

"You came in less than half a second. I think it's safe to say that you liked it."

"Fine, maybe a little."

That was where we left off our conversation. Later in the day, I had lunch with Ellie and then I was going to spend the rest of the night with Matthew. I finished the rest of my classes and went home. I finished up some homework and got ready for the night.

Matthew picked me up right on time, and we drove back to his place. He opened the door to his apartment for me, and let me walk in first.

"Surprise!!" I heard from around the room. My face got red, but I smiled at everyone anyways. I was going to kill who's ever idea this was.

"Hi!" I waved at everyone, awkwardly. There were only around ten people here, which was okay. Thankfully it wasn't some huge party that would just make me feel awkward and uncomfortable all night long. I could handle a couple people but, any more than that, and I would have turned around and walked home.

"Whose idea was this? Hm? I want answers," I said as soon as I walked over to Ellie. I was trying to be fake angry but the smile on my face kinda blew my cover.

"Well, it was mine and Matthew's. He said no at first because he said you would hate it. But, I knew that you would secretly like it as long as you were able to get a little drunk," Ellie giggled.

"Okay fine. You caught me. I do like the attention just a little bit," I laughed with her. I was thankful that I had people in my life that cared about me this much.

As soon as Ellie mentioned getting drunk, I immediately started taking shots and making myself mixed drinks. I kept urging Matthew to drink but he was trying to stay at least a little bit sober to keep an eye on me.

"No, Noah, I don't want another shot. Thank you very much, though," Matthew said as he smiled at me. I giggled at him while taking a shot for him instead. I could feel the liquor coursing through my veins and I was probably acting a little silly. It's my birthday and I can be drunk if I want to!

I sipped on my Vodka Cranberry as some friends and I sat around Matthew's coffee table and played drunk Uno. I wasn't exactly sure how to play, I just liked regular Uno and I would just take a shot every time someone told me to.

"Baby, you have like twenty cards. You're gonna get alcohol poisoning at this rate," Matthew laughed at me. He wasn't playing, he just sat next to me and was trying to be my teammate because clearly, I was out of it.

"Don't worry, I have a trick up my sleeve," I said but I had no trick. I knew I was screwed. Eventually, someone called Uno, and on their next turn, they went out and won the game.

"Finally! That was the longest game of Uno I have ever played, and now I am completely shit faced," I sighed.

"Do you want to go lay down?" Matthew asked me.

"No, I'm fine. What are you, my dad?" I spoke back to him and giggled as soon as the words left my lips because I knew exactly how Matthew would take that.

"Keep giving me attitude and I will take you back to my room and punish you," Matthew spoke lowly. I thanked God that everyone left the couch as soon as the game was over, so we were out of earshot of everyone.

"Oh yeah? You're gonna punish me, daddy?" I said through more giggles. I was so turned on by what he said and I couldn't miss out on a chance to be a brat.

Matthew was just about to follow through on his promise when I felt a hiccup in my stomach.

"Uh Oh," Matthew said as soon as he saw the look on my face.

He rushed me to the bathroom quickly and I ran to the toilet. As soon as I started throwing up, Matthew grabbed my hair hurriedly. He kept it out of my face as I continued to blow chunks.

"You're lucky I love you, Noah because you are such a fucking lightweight," He said through laughs.

I started to laugh with him but instead, I just vomited again. For some reason, I was not embarrassed at all. I mean, Matthew had his finger in my ass earlier, I think he can handle seeing me throw up.

When my stomach was finally finished wreaking havoc on my birthday, Matthew helped me clean my self up. I brushed my teeth with him and cleaned my face, making sure I looked presentable.

"Let's get you to bed, sweet girl," Matthew said as he started to undress me in his bedroom. He grabbed me some clothes and was about to put them on me.

"No, I don't wanna wear clothes. I wanna be punished!" I whined, thinking about our conversation from earlier.

"You are too drunk. Don't worry, you have a lifetime to get punished by me."

"You want to spend a lifetime with me?" I asked, tears welling up in my eyes. I always got a little emotional when I was drunk.

"Well, duh. I wouldn't want to hold back anyone else's hair as they puke into a toilet anyways," Matthew said trying to make a joke out of the situation so I wouldn't cry.

"I wouldn't want anyone to hold back my hair either," I spoke as a tear streamed down my cheek.

"I know. Get into bed, I will tell everyone you aren't feeling well and to head out."

Matthew walked out of the door and I could hear him telling everyone that it was time to go.

"Oh no! Can I say goodbye to her?" I heard Ellie ask, and Matthew told her that she could. I heard the door open up and smiled when I saw Ellie's face.

"Hi," I said weakly.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I hope you had a good birthday party!" Ellie smiled at me.

"I did, you're such a sweet friend," I slurred.

"Good. Have a good night, Noah. No more throwing up," She laughed as she kissed me on the forehead and left.

Minutes later, Matthew came back in and took off his clothes and snuggled into bed with me.

"I got you some water," Matthew handed me a big glass of water that I gladly took. I chugged the whole thing, and I could hear Matthew saying, "slow down!" but that didn't stop me.

"Thank you," I whispered as I started to doze off in his arms.

"Happy birthday, Noah," I heard Matthew say as I drifted off to sleep.

[cadavercowboy]

I'm bored, so I'm going to confess something to you... the first time I watched Fresh, I only made it through the first 40 minutes. I don't watch horror movies, and Fresh freaked me out so much I had to turn it off. But then over the next day or two, the movie was all I could think about. Even though it scared me, I had to see more. So I bought a ticket for the second screening, and watched the whole thing. I was so proud of myself that I did a little dance while the end credits played, lol. And then I watched it again! Anyway, please enjoy this random story. Seeing everybody talking about how excited they are to see Fresh for the first time makes me feel like part of an exclusive club cuz I've already seen it. But of course I'm excited to welcome everybody else to the Fresh frenzy very soon. What was your experience like watching Fresh for the first time? (sending as a submission because it was too long for an ask)  - DW

First of all, I am so glad you ended up watching the whole thing because it is worth it! Okay so the thing about me is that I love all things horror-themed, spooky, fucked up etc...but I hate horror movies. They're always so boring and cheesy and over-done in my opinion. I find them unbearable to watch for the most part.

And I think that's what made me love Fresh so much more is that it wasn't gory or obnoxiously violent...it focused more on the psychological aspect and built fear/tension from more of a mental angle than a physical horror angle, if that makes sense? Like yeah the dude was a literal cannibal and cut people up, but they didn't make a point of showing that constantly, yanno. I've always been a way bigger fan of psychological thrillers because they have much more substance than gore does, so Fresh ticked all the boxes for me. I thought going into the movie knowing what it was about would ruin the impact of it, but it is maybe the only film I've ever seen where I gasped out loud at the revelation lmao. His fuckin' delivery was so dead and emotionless and it felt like I got punched in the face even though I was fully expecting it.

I'm stoked for everyone else to go insane over this movie too but I am kinda gonna miss our little Steve Kemp circle of unhinged bitches.

[daichis-kitty]

KAT’S CHAOS (sorry Daichi, bear with me)

First and foremost–because it doesn’t hurt to reiterate–this blog is a mixture of (n)sfw content. That being said, do not interact with me or any nsfw content I may produce or reblog if you are not 18+. I’m not going to “police” my blog or my followers list but if I do catch someone who is a minor (or if you don’t put your age in your bio), consider yourself  ✨blocked✨ .

NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY, if y’all are curious about me (1, 2):

My name’s Katherine, but I go by Kat. Literally two people call me “Kitty” (because I let them) but… Daichi can call me Kitty 😏

Pronouns are she/her/hers and I’m 21

I lowkey fucks with astrology, so I’m a Pisces sun, Capricorn moon and rising

I’m an INFP (lol I was an ENFP in high school but college made me realize how draining social interaction can be)

This is also my side-blog (if anyone cares, my main is @/harokat but she's a lil ded right now because head empty, only anime). This will most likely be Haikyuu content, but I may sprinkle in some Jujutsu Kaisen stuff or any other anime fandoms I enjoy. (link to my old content)

Navigation:

I try my best to tag things, especially the 18+ content (typically with nsfw and any trigger/content warnings if the original author mentions any or if I feel like I should mention any). I’m only human so if I miss any, feel free to let me know but I also try to go back through my posts/reblogs to double check my tags.

Other tags I use (lol please feel free to blacklist them):

soft.kat → soft stuff, fluff

kat.mewls → thirsts, smut content

kat.writes → lol my attempts, please be nice to me – my heart is like Asahi’s

kat.chat → answers/replies to the things in my ask box

kat.thots → random thoughts, might be just word vomit, may or may not be anime-related

kat.shitposts → lol I apologize in advance

kat.recommends → folks are so talented :’))) 

[name] 🌻 → fwends (◕‿◕✿) and nice anons

list of emoji anons: 🏵

[character].anon ♥️ → successful attempts at manifesting character anons

kat begs for interactions → please talk to me 

anime weekends with bramble 🌻 → weekend watch parties !!!

Events:

kats.100 → moodboard event for reaching 100 !!!

I tend to add commentary (it’s more like yelling into the void that is the Internet) in the tags so… read them! Sometimes I’m funny ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Rules:

My ask box is open for interactions and my submissions are open if you want to feed me! I’m genuinely a very nervous and anxious person so if/when I post my own writing, it will most likely be on impulse. 

I came back onto the platform because I needed more anime content because I can be a little insatiable at times. I have a really bad habit when it comes to social media and feeling as if I need the notes to validate myself, but this is truly just supposed to be fun for me!!!

That being said, PLEASE DON’T BE SHY OR HESITANT TO SEND ME THINGS. I’m more than willing to share thoughts with you and reply to asks/post your submissions! I may even be bold enough to give you drabbles/headcanons/imagines/oneshots.

Overall, just please be very patient with and understanding of me! 

Last, but important note, I will not tolerate any hate of any kind whether that be racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. I want this space to be safe both for myself and whoever is willing and able to join me. 

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

Alright, so once again, this is the most recent post I could find vague blogging about me on her tumblr in regards to this specific issue so I don’t know where all the “Wow! heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon DID THAT?!” Anons are coming from here, or how those anons are aware that you even tried to submit me something, unless you’re just sending them to yourself to try and stir more trouble but just ....

Leanne, Leanne, Leanna Leanne.... I feel as though I must para-quote Gene Wilder’s character in Young Frankenstein here because just what is the matter with you? Like do you not understand the concept of hyperbole at all? Don’t you know a joke when you read one?

The entire reason I screenshot that ask this way was to show case the fact that color and formatting of the ‘t”,  on what I didn’t know happened to be goth day just happened to match both the obnoxious eye sore color palette and theme of your tacky little blog, Princess. 

The whole coincidence gave me the willies, so I was just making a funny, honey.

Although, apparently, you can’t comprehend my humor or my kindness because now isn’t that part of what got you into this mess in the first place?

“Luna” is for long time mutuals only. Don’t pretend like we’ve ever spoken more than twice, and don’t pretend like you ever gave a damn about my well being when you can’t even get my disability right. My correct name and minority status is written all over my blog.  And to think you’re the one who bitched and complained to me about being called “Honey”.

I only found this on your blog because I have no way of responding to your original Submission even if I wanted to now because Tumblr seems to have eaten it (which, to that I say good riddance) and the only reason I found your Twitter is because it’s exactly the same as your gmail address due to the fact that you’re that basic. There wasn’t anything “random” about it.

“I would never send hate for no fucking reason...” Ah, but by that logic you would dish back hate to someone if you had a reason. So why would you like, concern troll me and chastise me for hate trolling someone when they gave me a reason?!

“And then to say that you that I would hack into your account? WHY??????? Why would I do that? I dont even know HOW to do that! YOU ARE TEARING MY HEART EMOJI APART LUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Again, honey, please calm down and teach yourself how to form a coherent sentence, learn the concept of what a hyperbolic joke is, leave your fandom(s) and get a freaking life.

I thought you were my friend too until the night you pulled that shit with me, respect that I blocked you and frick off.

And for the love of God, stop “joking” about writing smutty fanfics between you and Al and getting “married” to him and delete all of Angel’s pictures from your blog why don’t you!

Your obsession with all of us is beyond unhealthy.

“I know that you have reason to listen or believe me...” Honey, I know that when you were typing this your little crocodile tears were hitting the keyboard so hard that you couldn’t even form a coherent sentence and you need to shut the fuck up. (Also SIDE NOTE of how Cletus and Striker are like, the worst Helluva Boss characters to have “taste” in: Some sleazy little man baby and an ever only slightly cooler and more tolerable Wild West Reincarnation of Toffee, I should have known you were like this. Oh and that Vampire Chick from RE7 everyone including yourself is into right now is like if Eclipsa was a freaking Fairly Odd Parents Pixie and Meteora would have her daughters for a snack, both figuratively and literally. Die Angry About it.)   

I had two whole interactions with you and I wanted to beat that bunny fursona of yours down with a tree branch Lilo and Stitch style the second you hopped into my ask box that night and 4 days later you gave me an excuse to. I only found out about the shit that you were putting my friends through when Orn started vague blogging to me about what you were doing to them after I exposed you as a snake in the grass arse little bitch and they had no reason to try and White Knight you.

In starlatte27’s case she was just tagged to help attack me by the same stalker that you were going out of your way to defend and latte blocked me before I could even so much as figure out who she was, meaning we didn’t even have an “altercation”, her existence to me personally at that point was merely a blip that served to cause me more disorientation and stress, but I knew she was just as much of a bitch as you were before my friends did and now you’re both causing them immeasurable harm in comparison to what I was put through and you both need to delete your blogs after you apologize. NOBODY WANTS YOU TWO IN THIS FANDOM!

I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in reading you reiterate your excuses for your racism and gross mistreatment towards my friends to me, nor do I care for your off putting arse attempting to have some sort of petty, infantilizing, paternalistic, para-social relationship with me!

Angel and Al, may I add, haven’t been online in weeks because of you and starlatte27, and now you’re only trying to get to me because I’ve still been available online and you’ve been bored. And if I had the capability and privilege of doing anything other than sitting, I can tell you that I certainly wouldn’t be in front of a computer right now if I actually even had the option not to be ether.

And for your information, being able to meet Angel and Al, at least out of all this mess in the first place, has been the only good experience that I’ve had within in this fandom thus far and their presence on my dashboard only makes my day brighter, I willingly shared my experiences with them to let know they’re not alone in all this shit.  

Stop being a sleaze to Angel just because he’s more attractive than you and clearly not white passing, and delete all his photos from your blog.

Stop being a skeeve to Al and stop making “jokes” about marrying him and your jokes about smut because that’s actually beyond the conception of “cringe”.

Stop infantalizing me and acting as though you have some weird parental para-social relationship over me or some shit when I’m freaking three years older than you are, apologize to all three of us before deleting your accounts and dropping off the internet why don’t you and then leave all three of us the fuck alone!!! 

I can tell how the little twit whom said this to me the other day has certainly never met you.

[spnfanficpond]

January Angel Fish Awards

Every month all of you fantastic writers work your asses off to post some truly incredible stories. Our Angel Fish Awards are the way for all of us, as a community of writers and readers, to lift each other up and give praise to those who have captured our attention and deserve a few kind words.

The monthly Angel Fish Awards are peer-nominated, meaning ANYONE IN THE POND CAN NOMINATE ANY POND MEMBER’S FIC. While the Pond was founded to support the Guppies, everyone in this community deserves to be showered with love and feedback, and we hope that by opening this up as a Pond wide system, we’ll be able to share the love as far as it can go.

NOTE: WE’VE BEEN HAVING OCCASIONAL PROBLEMS WITH ASKS GOING MISSING. Please use the Submit button when submitting your nominations and make sure you’re signed into Tumblr or your URL won’t show. (If the form asks for your name and email address, then you’re not signed in.) If you like, you can also send a message to Michelle or Mana to check and make sure we got your submission.

WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, HERE ARE THE FIRST ANGEL FISH AWARDS OF 2020!

Cabin Fever (a long oneshot) by @slytherkins​ was nominated three times!

I said all of this in my reblog, but this is FUCKING GOLD. It depicts life with chronic pain so beautifully, I read most of this with my heart in my throat. Have tissues, heed the warnings, but definitely read this! - @mrswhozeewhatsis​​

Tara is the Queen of Angst. She never fails to break my heart but this fic was something else entirely. I always feel like her stories could be canon and this is no exception!! Dean was exactly how I imagine he would be, Sam too. Without giving any spoilers: the scene setting - I was there, I could see them preparing dinner, sat around the table eating, I felt the coldness of the snow.

The raw emotions were sublime, I cried with Dean. I felt I could feel his pain, I was with him every step of the way, I felt his desperation. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.  - @princessmisery666​​

O. M. G. I don’t expect anything less than incredible when I read Tara’s stuff, but this is on another level. The angst is painful (literally, sometimes), the detail is exquisite. She put heart and soul into this, and it shows. And as always, her Dean is spot-tf-on. Tara’s a brilliant writer, and this fic is amazing. ❤❤❤ - @risingphoenix761​​ 

Nominated by @manawhaat​

Satin (oneshot) by @wingedcatninja​

This fic has some out of the box, vulnerable, sexy, surprising Dean feels! I went into it expecting one thing and what I got was so different from what I could have imagined, but it was so wonderful and refreshing to read! 

Next Year (series) by @wingedcatninja​

Holy crap, the intensity and control in this fic is astounding. It’s so palpable from start to end and this is only the first fucking part. Seriously stellar and surprisingly reverential. 

Nominated by @mrswhozeewhatsis​

For Better or Worst (ongoing series) by @stunudo​​ 

There’s so much mystery and intrigue in this series and I just can’t stop wondering how it’s all going to work out! Sam made some kind of deal to save the world and the deal involved marrying this woman and getting out of hunting. But what was the deal, exactly? And where’s Dean? And who is this woman? What about Cas and Jack? I’m so freaking hooked and I can’t wait to find out!!

Nominated by @princessmisery666​

Love You To Death (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr​

I’ll be the first to admit I’m not into AU’s but this had me hooked from the beginning. I hate Y/N, I hope she gets whats coming to her, but I also so desperately want to be her, which is a testament to the wonderful writing of both Lisa and Bee. I can’t wait to see how this one unfolds.

These two together are a force to be reckoned with.

Nominated by @deanwinchesterswitch​

One And One Make Three (series) by @supernatural-jackles​ 

 This series was absolutely stunning, beautifully written, and an amazing rollercoaster of emotion. Jen handled some very sensitive subject matters with grace and wit. It has ALL the feels; I cried, laughed, and loved right along with the characters.

Nominated by @flamencodiva 

Skeptics and True Believers (series) by @d-s-winchester​ 

I love this story! It had me on the edge of my seat when I read through the master list. the way she wove the story together made me happy for the ending to the story!

Good Things (series) by @crashdevlin​​

This is Part one to four parts of writing GOLD! Cassie knows how to completely put you in the story and envision what is happening. 

How Do You Spell Forever? (series) by @kittenofdoomage​​ 

This is part one of a four parter and OMG! Can I say that this is sweet and cute and full of A/B/O goodness? because this is! and it should be read and shared!

Nominated by @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish​

Heathens (series) by @pink1031​ 

Why: I have been 1000000% hooked on this story since the first chapter was published. It’s a little bit twisted, a little bit wrong, a whole lot dirty, and a whole lot of amazing writing! At the time of this submission, the last chapter is in progress (don’t get me started on the fact that it’s ending D:). It is without a doubt, one of the few stories I stop what I am doing (life permitting) and read the new chapter when I get notified. READ THE WARNINGS CAREFULLY THOUGH, this is not a story for the faint of heart or those that get squicked out (is that even a term?). But if you like dark and dirty, this fic will absolutely be your jam.

Nominated by @risingphoenix761​

My Home (oneshot) by @kittenofdoomage​

Short and sweet, but it got me all choked up. To repeat what I said in tags, bless this fic and the hands that typed it.

Feels Like The First Time (oneshot) by @stusbunker​ 

This gets better every time I reread it. Sweet and sexy and kinda touching. Any time I need a Samwitch fix, I come back to this one. ❤

Nominated by @lovetusk​ ( @fictionalabyss​​ )

Turning Into Butter (oneshot) by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

Lets be honest with this one, shall we? We’d ALL get that distracted by a half naked Dean. 

Please Don’t Go (oneshot) by @sorenmarie87​

Dawn tested out her Angsting abilities in this Adam x Reader fic, and I’m hoping we get to see more of it. Like why is Dean so angry? I NEED TO KNOW!

Someone You Loved (oneshot) by @ne-gans​

So glad ne-gans is now part of the pond because now I can nominate this beautiful thing that made me cry. 

Nominated by @impala-dreamer

Stupor (oneshot) by @dontshootmespence​

The hottest hot to ever hot in the hottest way possible - SOULLESS!DOM!SAM!! I ded. Very hot. Much smut. Very good.

Hurt So Good (oneshot) by @alleiradayne​

This was tasty. Pun intended. I have such a biting thing and Sam would be so amazing. Yes. Devour me, Winchester!! Loved it.

Nominated by @thegirlwhorunswithwinchesters​

Isn’t That My Line (oneshot) by @princessmisery666​

I went into this one intrigued by the concept and I got even more than I was hoping for. A little twist I didn’t expect here, a perfect ending there. Amazing.

Control And Release (series) by @thecleverdame​

I just needed to bring this one back. Started rereading the entire series and it’s still as amazing as the first time I read this masterpiece.

Photographs and Gasoline (oneshot) by @ne-gans​

Always gotta check the new pond member list when I’m making my rounds. Found this fic and fell in love. It’s absolutely heartbreaking but I loved every second of it. Guess if I have to torture myself, I prefer to do it with beautiful writing like this. 

Nominated by @thoughtslikeaminefield​​​

Smokes and Sex Toys (oneshot) by @wayward-and-worn​ 

This is delightfully fucking filthy. But that’s not all; Dean’s characterization is SO DEAN - flirty yet straightforward - it reminded me of the scene with the bartender in Defending Your Life, I love the simple yet creative premise, and I adore that it’s left open-ended. 

Sick Day - @fangirlxwritesx67​​ 

Viv wrote this for me - it’s true - but that isn’t the reason I’m nominating this; it’s because this is so warm and comfortable and just feels like Dean. Like I actually felt like I was in his lap while I feel asleep reading this. (Also, check out my girl’s other works. She’s fairly new but balls to the wall and bursting with ideas and words for just about anyone.) 

Nominated by @slytherkins​

Isn’t That My Line (oneshot) by @princessmisery666​

Short. Sinful. Sexy. It’s like a smutty snack that hits the spot. (And so does Dean.) 

Nominated by @kittenofdoomage​​

What Goes Bump In The Night (series) by @saxxxology​​

A phenomenal series, historic and dark, with all the fantastic detail you’d expect from Saxxy and more! Please heed the warnings though!

The World Doesn’t Know (oneshot) by @negans-lucille-tblr​​

A wonderful little smutty J2 fic, for those who enjoy that fantasy.

Marked (series) by @there-must-be-a-lock​

I’ve only read the first chapter so far, but hot damn! This is a spectacular start to a promisingly dark series. AND The Right Spot - a smutty smutty follow up to another oneshot that literally made me sweat.

Just Like A Pill  by @princessmisery666​​

The angsty sequel to In Spite Of What My Heart Says and you should totally read both parts, just keep tissues by you in case of heartbreak!

Nominated by @focusonspn​​

House Of The Rising Sun (series) by @kittenofdoomage​​

I’ve never liked BDSM themes too much but, OH MY GOOD!! This series is AMAZING!! It even has a sequel: The Ones You Love. Go and read it, you won’t regret it.

Yes, Sir (series) by @evansrogerskitten​​

Ash must be tired of me praising this fic but I can’t help myself, it’s one of my favorite series ever and deserves this recognition. This is a series that every John girl out there should be reading RIGHT NOW. It has everything! Smut, fluff and a tiny bit of angst and drama.

Good Vibrations (series) by @impala-dreamer​​

At first I wasn’t sure if I should bring this fic here because all the drama I heard it existed about it but, then I thought it twice, and I came to the conclusion that this fic definitely deserve to be part of these awards. This piece of writing was the first (after Dear John, I have to admit) that actually made me cry. It’s dark, it’s sad as fuck, it’s damn well written, and makes you easily get inside the characters and feel what they’re feeling. That being said, if you’re thinking of reading it, please HEED THE WARNINGS.

Take a Drunk Girl Home (oneshot) by @amanda-teaches​​

This fic is so beautiful and so well written that I promise you even can end up tearing up a little, but it’s so worth it that you won’t care a bit.

Nominated by @emilyshurley​​

His Property (series) by @negans-lucille-tblr​​

I freaking love this series to the point that i binged the series (and it’s sequel, Yours) in a single day.  

Just Me & My Baby (oneshot) by @deanwinchesterswitch​​

Can’t get over how adorable it is.

Guns and Ribbons (series) by @myinconnelly1​​

What can I say Dean Winchester deserves all the love in this world and so does this series.

I Can See Clearly Now (oneshot) by @katehuntington​​

I can’t. I don’t have words. This is perfection.

In the Heat of the Night (series) by @evansrogerskitten​​

Nominated by @impalaimagining​​

Goals (oneshot) by @atc74​​

Okay. It's been a long time since I've found Sam smut that really gets me into it. This though - it's a whole different level of wonderful. I love the way it explores a woman finding and embracing her own sexuality, and the frustration that can come along with it. It's obvious how much effort and research and actual planning went into this. My favorite kinds of fics are those that draw from real life experiences, which I think it what makes this one so special. And the end? Yes please!

Nominated by @fangirlxwritesx67​​ 

Everything (series) by @there-must-be-a-lock​ 

I can’t even talk about how great this J2 x reader series is without incoherent fangirl flailing. It’s wildly creative, sharply well written, and absolutely panty-melting filthy! And then just when you’re so hot and bothered that you can’t see straight, *boom*, it’s sweet and intimate and loving. I don’t think there’s a series out there I’ve read this many times!

Hark and Hush by @thoughtslikeaminefield​​

This is a luscious, dark and twisted fairy tale about Dean and the spirit of the Big Bad Wolf. It’s written so vividly that you can see and smell and taste the whole story. Sexy af, of course, and so intense- take the warnings seriously!

The Kind of Girl You Like (series) by @thoughtslikeaminefield​​ 

To me, MJ will always be the Queen of the Winchester threesome and this series shows exactly why. Smoking hot story about the brothers sharing a sub that quickly unfolds into something complex and beautiful. The last chapter especially is written with so much emotional depth- the first time I read it, I was swearing and crying and smiling all at once because it was so well done! Just the best!

Nominated by @supersassyprobablysad​​ 

How You & I Will Be (series) by @katehuntington​​ 

Hey so I wanted to do an angel fish award nom for Kate for her How You & I Will Be fic. In 5 parts she not only developed believable characters but by the end I was ugly crying (and I don’t cry a lot so that’s saying something). The ending feels totally necessary too, not like it was just done for shock value. Anyway I love it, it’s the best I’ve read in a long time.

Thank you all for the awesome work and great feedback!

As with the BFAs, these are not actual awards! This system is set up so everyone in the pond has a chance to share the love and promote a fic/author that has grabbed your attention. The more people that participate, and the more everyone remembers to submit their own fics after posting, the better this will be :D

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN, KEEP UP THE AMAZING WORK, AND AS ALWAYS, HAPPY WRITING!

[sharkfish]

ps i loved this one

(rereading bookmarks edition part 2)

(part 1)

i’ve been rereading stories from my bookmarks as a comfort thing. i’m getting real deep in there to stuff i haven’t (re)read for years, and damn do i have good taste. the ones i’ve read recently that you should, too:

(under the cut so i’m not that asshole that makes you scroll past an endless post)

Best Laid Plans by Persephoneshadow

Things are going well for Dean: he's landed the biggest design job of his architectural career and is about to get final approval on the project despite how difficult the development company, personified by Castiel Novak, has made it. It's not bad for a moody omega...except things are also going terribly for Dean because he has to get in a plane and fly to a meeting, and course ends up in heat a few hours before. Luckily, Castiel is there to help and both men discover the good that can come when nothing goes quite as intended.

i don’t know why i’m such a ho for stories where dean thinks cas hates him, but cas secretly adores him and is just a little “rusty” on his “people skills.” i’m also a ho for stories where dean is a gd skilled genius but his dumb ass still thinks his work sucks and/or anything good is due to other people instead of himself. and also, heat boning. 

Confessions of a Cam Boy by MsCaptainWinchester (rons_pigwidgeon)

Dean runs a cam show to pay his way through marketing school, but he's about to start an internship that he doesn't know will change his life. Watching Dean's show is Castiel's favorite way to wind down after a stressful day at Sandover Bridge & Iron. When Cas comes to work one day and finds his favorite cam boy setting coffee on his desk, he is completely thrown. Will Dean finish his internship without knowing his favorite viewer is his new boss, or will he be able to see through Cas' non-existent poker face and figure it out?

omg poor cas is soooo awkward and dean is weirded out about how much his new boss seems to dislike him and then it’s super sexy >:) 

For Science by shiphitsthefan

“Think of it like an experiment," says Dean. "You’re testing a hypothesis as to whether or not a desirable response can be achieved through the stimulation of the anus via the application of a willing volunteer’s muscular hydrostat.”

Cas raises an eyebrow. “Are you actually trying to use the scientific method to talk me into letting you lick my asshole?”

everyone is such adorable nerds in this one. it’s a fic about rimming, but it’s also about love and discovering yourself and acceptance. it explores cas’s realization through his connection with dean that he’s not straight up ace but more grey/demi - and that doesn’t mean he was “faking” being ace up until he met dean. 

Friends with Benefits with Tentacles by andimeantittosting (Saylee)

Dean's never been embarrassed about his porn collection before, but that was before he found Cas holding his prized copy of Sweet Princess Asuka and the Tentacles of Pleasure. Dean finds himself sweating bullets—because this is Cas, sweet, nerdy Cas. Cas, his friend. Cas, his roommate. Cas, his—only slightly out-of-control—crush.

Cas, with his big, blue eyes and muscular arms and perpetual sex hair.

Cas, with his tentacles.

The last thing he expects is for Cas to suggest they experiment together.

there are not enough tentacle fics out there and i 100000% approve of this addition to the tag. i love that dean is out there legitimately studying porn, and the tentacles are obviously super fun, and there were parts where my heart hurt so bad, all around a damn fine fic. 

Grown-Ups Making Grown-Up Choices by Carrieosity

Dean is a grown-ass man - he can take perfectly good care of himself, thank you very much. Except that sometimes the easier or more fun choices aren't always the right or best ones, and, all right, maybe thinking ahead and working the long game isn't his strongest suit. It's fine! He's fine.

When he meets Castiel, he realizes that flying by the seat of his pants may not be the best way to attract the super-serious (gorgeous, funny, genius) Alpha. Dean's shrink has been telling him he needs to start making "grown-up choices," and if that's what he has to think about in order to make Cas fall for him, then he'll give it a whirl.

i LOVE this fic (series). i feel so hard for dean feeling like he’s too old for his life to still be a mess, but i also felt sad for him that he thought he had to make all these hardcore changes - basically turn himself into a different person - to be worthy of cas’s attentions. i fucking adore cas in this, and i nearly cried just thinking about all the damn peppers they eat, and i want to read it again right now. 

If I Run by Anonymous

"Dean Winchester is a red-blooded American male. He lifts all the things. He aims for functional strength. He counts his macros and makes fun of curlbros. He is not a member of the Tarahumara tribe and he will not read Born to Run, no matter how many times Sam tells him to, because Starting Strength is the only book Dean will ever fucking need."

***

Wherein a friendly competition with the mysterious ThursdaysAngel turns into a sexy selfie-trading spree that motivates Dean Winchester to train for his first marathon.

i really really love this fic and reread it pretty often tbh. it only became “anonymous” pretty recently and i’m so curious about why!! regardless, this fic is a really great time!!! 

It's Always More Than Once (Before It Takes) by squeemonster

The first time it happens, it's because of boredom. Or, at least that's what Dean tells himself to justify it. Boredom and Dean Winchester are a dangerous combination, especially when you factor in beer, a raging libido, and laziness.

dean: my dudes, is it gay to do sexy stuff with your male bff? cuz i’m totally straight. but also, having sex with my male bff. 

I Wanna Get Outside (Of Me) by emwebb17

Dean is a novice in the dom/sub world asked by his employer as a desperate last resort to be a sub for his recluse of a brother, Castiel. Castiel is a diagnosed OCD suffering from PTSD and agoraphobia, mysophobia, and dystychiphobia. Needless to say—he’s a mess who hasn’t stepped out of his home in literally seven years. The only times Gabriel can see traces of the way his brother used to be is when he feels in control—specifically when he has control over a sub. However, due to his idiosyncrasies and paranoia, keeping a sub around has been impossible. Enter Dean, who’s not a very traditional submissive, to try his hand at subbing for the hermit.

you know how sometimes you read a fic, and it takes ages to get yourself out of that world? even though you’re finished, you’re still right there with him? this is one of those fics. i reread it a couple weeks ago and fell asleep thinking about it last night. i cry a lot reading this one. 

Living in Agony by ChasingRabbits

Dean Winchester's life is... well, it's not great. He's a gym teacher, he's in his thirties, and he can't seem to keep any part of his life straight. When the aftermath of a one-night stand goes awry, Dean is dragged kicking and screaming out of his cozy little closet and into the harsh light of reality.

Enter: Castiel Novak, the new history teacher, who knows full well that life gets crappy when you don't allow yourself to live it in the way it needs to be lived.

there aren’t a lot of stories that deal with themes of mental illness, and a lot of them read like an episode of degrassi where everything wraps up in 30min to never be discussed again. this story is honest in that there’s no easy out. there’s medication and therapy and supportive people, but that’s not always enough. it’s a story about how you don’t have to be mentally ill to be fucked up, and while people can’t fix each other, they can help each other. content note: references to a pre-story suicide attempt. 

Oddly Shaped Empty by jemariel

Dean grew up thinking -- knowing -- he'd be an alpha.

Until he failed to present. As a beta, he has no mating cycle, no noticeable pheromones, none of the physical markers that are so important in a world of alphas and omegas. He's out of place. How is he supposed to navigate his relationships and find love when he doesn't fit into the neatly-defined boxes he's used to?

By the time he meets his new roommate, Castiel, he's more or less given up on finding a mate. He wears his secondary gender like a chip on his shoulder. But you never know what the future holds, who will come into your life, and how they might change it forever.....

Queer themes, finding identity, reconciling the past, and a whole lot of smut.

y’all know @jemariel is a gd genius, but i’m particularly obsessed with their fics that use abo to explore queer identify & experiences. i hold my breath reading most of this fic and also cry. 

Steal my Breath by Sincestiel

“Tighter, Dean, please,” Cas urges throwing his head back to rest on Dean’s shoulder. Dean squeezes. He doesn’t know why Cas wants this or even what the appeal is, but he always comes harder when he’s struggling to breathe.

what’s on the tin. a quick lil breathplay fic that is thoroughly enjoyable. 

Unsolicited by Dangerousnotbroken

In which Dean Winchester gets an unsolicited dick pic from an unknown sender which is both totally not disappointing in that it's a really nice dick pic, and incredibly disappointing in that it's clearly a downloaded picture of his favorite porn star.

There's absolutely no way it's actually this porn star sending it to him, right?

Right?

this is a destiel classic and i feel like anyone who isn’t new here has probably read it. but here’s your reminder that this is a great fic and you should (re)read it. 

Wordplay by Dangerousnotbroken @dangerousnotbroken​

“I don’t understand why talking dirty is such a big deal for you humans,” Cas complains, apropos of nothing.

it’s a “cas learning about sex” and also dirty talk, which are both things i’m really into!! and DNB is a genius so that’s even better. 

if you enjoy these fics (and you should), please give the writer some love via kudos and/or comments. <3

ps - as always, if i didn’t tag the writer and you know their tumblr, please tag in the comments. i don’t think there’s a writer alive who wouldn’t be happy to be on a rec list. :)

[fuck-customers]

Some stuff from when submissions were closed

-Lady made me do a whole ass return over 5 cents on discounted (near best by date) milk because I didn't realize one was 60 cents instead of 65

-Couple came through my line with a box of 10 sticks of butter. I lifted the first layer to see what was underneath because there was both salted and unsalted ones and I needed to know how many of each they had. Woman says "don't worry, I'm not hiding a bra under those or anything." (Okay? I didn't think you were. What a random thing to say.) Then her husband chimes in "Yeah, she doesn't wear a bra." OKAY? And why did you feel the need to inform me of that? It was so weird and made me kinda uncomfortable. I don't need or want to know what your wife is or isn't wearing underneath her clothing.

-We always have to put down our name and what register we are going on in a list when we begin our shift. Two coworkers were in the office beginning their shift at the same time as me. One said she was going to go to number six and I put myself down for number five. The other girl went to the front and was going to go to number two or three, but the person who was logged in there wasn't at the register, so she just went on number 5 where I said I'd go. When I walk up she's like sOrRy I had to open up quickly :/ like girl I was literally about to come out too and I specifically said I didn't want to be at the front today because I usually have to be because there is one coworker usually there that I relieve because if I don't she gets upset with me because the closer to the front you are the lower your chances of being relieved and I'm the only one who ever does. Nobody likes being up front because you get the least breathers between customers (which sucks because I buy my water from a different store so I can't have it out in front of customers. I literally have to wait for no customers to be there so I can have some water; you really get little to no breathers at the front so I've had days where I literally didn't even get to drink at all) So whenever said coworker isn't there, obviously I avoid it. I should also mention this girl is one of the cashiers that is not exclusively a cashier, she also stocks so unlike me she doesn't have to spend her entire shift at the register. She can pretty much get up whenever she wants to unless there's a rush and we need all registers manned. I can't.

- I also wanna complain about a certain kind of coupon we have. Sometimes, in the weekly ad sent out, there will be a sticker sheet with stick-on coupons. Those have a barcode on them and you stick them on your item, the cashier scans the coupon and then the item and you will get a percentage off that item. Lemme tell you, these stickers are so annoying. They aren't very visible usually, they're black/grey or dark blue or something similar and it tends to blend in with the packaging of a lot of products, so especially if I'm rushing because there's a long line, they often go unnoticed and then I have to void a bunch of things or even do returns if neither me nor the customer notices before the end of the transaction. It's fucking annoying. Also a lot of people very obviously apply the stickers in a way that would allow them to pull it off and reuse it. You ain't slick. They're supposed to be single use, so whenever I see a coupon applied to hang off an edge, I discreetly smush it down so they can't reuse it. It may seem petty but these coupons suck and I hate it when people try to cheat the system. (The people who do try to pull this are usually the rich soccer mom types so please don't think I'm trying to be a dick to people who aren't well off.)

- I also wanna complain about the managers who recently have been leaving me hanging a lot more than usual. I will call for assistance to do a return or worse, void something (when waiting for a return I can at least continue cashing people out. When I wanna void something, I can't proceed.) And either all the managers will reject the ping, or one will accept but then never show up. And I will have customers getting impatient with ME because I can't continue! Like, if you're not gonna come help me, couldn't you change the system to at least allow cashiers to void things themselves?

- We recently had a big overhaul in our system. A lot of stuff has been added that used to give us trouble by not being scannable... but not everything. We have these nets of potatoes that are kind of a pain because the barcode isn't in our system. But at least the price is on the tag on it so we could punch it in manually. With the new system, we aren't supposed to do that anymore. They have a PLU number now. Another one to learn. WHY DIDN'T THEY JUST ADD THE BARCODE TO THE SYSTEM FFS. Also apparently some people have just been asking customers how much items are and taking their word for it. You'd think it'd be common sense not to do that. Because of those people, everyone got a talking to and had to sign a set if rules. Now if someone is caught not following those rules perfectly, they'll be reported to head office. There were also cameras installed right above the registers. I'm not doing anything wrong (that I know of anyway) but I hate the feeling that my every move is possibly being watched. The only good thing about the system overhaul is that I got to ask some questions I had been wondering about for a while that I was worried I'd get in trouble for having to ask.

[laketaj24]

Mended II: Erik Killmonger

A/N: Happy Thirst 💦👅 Day. I had plans to write more and start my queue but I didn’t get a chance to lol. Major shout out to @slimmiyagi​ for the inspiration!!  I hope you enjoy and stay hydrated this Thirst Day lol. Let me know what you think!! BP taglist is open btw!  

Mended I

Warnings: Jealously Kink, Daddy kink, NSFW

“Aight boys! Be good. Don’t call these people colonizers.” Erik playfully pushes their heads and they walk into the auditorium greeting their friends. Erik touches your hand rubbing his thumb over your palm. “Man, they are fucking kindergarten.”

You pinch his arm noticing the little white girl staring at him with a gaped mouth. ‘This is a school.” You nearly laugh. “and yes, they are so grown.” You two walk down the hall holding hands talking about the plans for the day since you were both off.

“Y/N!” Maurice Hopson, your former trainer and the boys new PE coach walks up to you with a beaming smile. He had helped you get it together after you split and for a minute you two had started to talk. He always fed you and the conversations were dope, but there was nothing there for him physically. It meant Erik had you whipped indefinitely because there was an attraction to his physique, but you couldn’t even fuck him.

Erik stills giving you a side eye as you walk over to Maurice giving him a hug. “I see you decided to stay.”

“Yeah, I can’t leave Cali. Plus, I love the kids.” He smiles. “How are the boys? They have a good summer?”

“Yes, they got on my nerves half of it but they enjoyed it.” You chuckle. Your face teems with the slight memory of his lips and how soft they had been for the moment you two had tried. “What about your summer?”

“It’s gone well.” He pauses noticing Erik cutting daggers into him. “Hey! How are you!” he extends his hand and Erik doesn’t shake it staring at him. “Nice to meet you too.” Maurice laughs awkwardly.

I clear my throat. “This is Erik, he’s the twins’ father.” I pause and try to think of what he is to me, ex-husband maybe new boyfriend. “And my boyfriend.” I say instantly regretting the word.

“Pleasure to meet you, I can definitely see the resemblance. Your kids are wonderful man, the intelligence on them is amazing.”

“Yeah.” Erik clears his throat, his arms flexing from the tension. “How you know them if they just started this school, today?” The question was directed to Maurice, but you could feel Erik seething as he asked.

“Oh my god.” You say shaking your head. “We have some people to meet up with Maurice, I hate to keep them waiting. But it was good to see you.” You push through the hallway heading to the car and Erik is walking slow. There is no telling what is going through that overdramatic ass mind of his.

“So, how the fuck you know this nigga huh?”

“Are we going to meet T’Challa for breakfast or are we going home to fight? I really want some damn eggs.”

“I just asked you a simple question ma. How?”

“We dated for a few months. Nothing really happened between us but the boys enjoyed him, he had a little girl and they played a lot. There is your story Erik. I already told you that I didn’t fuck nobody else. Why is this a big deal?”

“It’s not. My bad. Fuck I said something.” He says giving in.

For the first time Erik had finally done something right no fights with you, though he wanted to argue sometimes. He hadn’t moved back in, no you weren’t there yet at all with him, but he had started trying and that meant maybe this whole thing might work. Erik lifts the weights like it’s nothing flexing his muscles doing that sexy ass grunt that made you clench your thighs together. You try not to watch jogging on the treadmill. The last thing you needed was a fall.

Erik knew what the deal was though, eyeing you slickly and biting those full lips. You turn on your workout playlist hoping to drown out his sexiness and charge full speed ahead. You just needed to get one more mile out the workout.

“Damn.” The deep voice says loud enough to catch your attention. Maurice, steps onto the treadmill next to you.

Maurice playfully takes the earbud from your ear. “Y/N! What are you doing here? You stopped training months ago.” He touches your shoulder lightly.

“I decided to head back, just cardio for now and then maybe some weights eventually. How have you been Maurice?” He smiles, and you can literally feel the heat radiating from your face as you look at him. Your eyes wonder to his large defined muscles and the way he flexes even on small actions. His skin was dark, like mahogany and his thick beard only accentuated how fucking sexy smile.

“I’ve been well. I started a new weight loss program with the gym and they hired me as the head cardio trainer officially a month ago. So no after school I’m working here. I wanted to text you and fill you in about it, but you hadn’t responded lately.” He pauses his hand grazes your cheek and reflexes kick in and he steps back.

One month ago, Erik had reentered your life. Your heart sinks as you look up to the weight center and he has left, and you knew he was coming, somewhere. You look around and he’s gone. Great. “Yeah, things have changed a little Maurice. Kids are back to school and I just have been super busy trying to be mommy and work.”

“And your new old boyfriend.” He laughs. “I won’t keep you long, I have that spin class and boxing in a few. Stop by and sign up for one.”

“I will. Thank you, Maurice.” He leaves, and you check your phone hoping for a message from Erik but nothing. You finish out the half mile that you had left. He hadn’t answered your texts, but you see his car is still parked so you were fine. No worries.

 Erik pulls you into the men’s locker room placing your back against the cold blue lockers. You whimper looking up at him. “Erik, this is the men’s locker room. I know you see that sign.” You point to the sign above your heads.

“Does it look like I care about them damn rules? What you and your boyfriend out there talking about?” He shakes is head leaning in over you. His lips ghost your jaw and then his nose grazes your cheek. “Hmm? Look like the conversation was fucking interesting. He touched your cheek and all that shit knowing that I was in here. He didn’t really give a fuck.” His moves are intentional, his legs spreads your thighs. “So, I mean you want him?”

“No, Erik you know damn w…”

“I’m just asking ma, you think he can give you something that I can’t?”

“I didn’t say that. Erik. You give me enough.” You smirk at him. Don’t you think?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He smirks back at you. “You come in here to change didn’t you? Go ahead.” He waves stepping away from you.

You roll your eyes wanting to leave his ass at the gym with his funky jealous ass attitude. Everything couldn’t just go right between you. You slip out of your shirt, kick your shoes off and lose the workout shorts. And Erik pulls you onto his lap. You can feel him straining against your ass.

“I like the way these walls echo.” He whispers. “I wanna have your ass screaming in here. Can you do that for me? Make my name ring off the walls around me?” His hand lands on your ass, the slap echoes around you as the soft burn humming through you. “You ain’t answering me today?” He gives you another strike and pulls your back flush against his chest. His arm snakes around your body, the other is on your neck. His thumb and middle finger gripping your neck.

“Yes.”

“Good. I was starting to think I was gonna have to fuck you into submission or some shit like that.” You can feel the cocky grin on his lips as he breathes along your neck, his beard tickling you. You inhale deeply for a moment feeling his fingertips explore your body dipping into you lips. You were already drenched just from the argument. He rubs your clit momentarily making his way down to your entrance. He pushes into you twice. “Fuck you been thinking about this all day, haven’t you?” You moan, and your legs quake and you can’t stop thinking about what that submission fuck would be like, nearly wishing you’d said no. Erik turns you around. His head dips down taking your nipple in his mouth. His teeth graze and then he begins to suck causing your back to arch towards him. His teeth clamp around it and it’s tantalizing how the pain and pleasure combine pulling you towards the edge until you whimper. He stops hearing your cries and moves on to the other one tugging and twisting until they ached with arousal. Erik lifts you up from the ground. Instinctively your legs wrap around his body and walks you towards the lockers once again. Your back is against them, the rigid lines of locker are an odd sensation.  

Erik adjusts himself and then you, he lifts you up and sinks you down on him. Your stilled momentarily as you allow yourself a few moments to adjust around his girth. You clamp around him just to keep him from moving. Your mouth is open taking in some air and all you can smell is him. How can someone workout for as hard and long as he did and still smell like heaven.

“You can take it.” He says as he starts to thrust into you. His thrusts are methodical, he drags out of you then snaps back into you at a quick pace rattling the lockers. Your nails rake into his back relishing in the way he pushes to there is no where else to go. “Good girl.” He thrusts a few more times allowing you down and turning you around. He pulls you from the lockers a foot and spread your legs dipping his fingers back into you. You can hear him suck his fingers and groan before you feel him below you. His tongue dips into you slurping at your arousal. He swirls around your clit, flicking at a rapid pace. The quick strokes aid you to an orgasm. You can feel it burning within you as his beard grazes the side you thigh when he take a deep breath for second. He blows against you and then goes back to work. Your knees buckle as the euphoria starts to overtake you. “Fuck, give it to me ma.” He sucks at your clit once more and then you explode over his lips. A stream of cum coats his lips and he stands up, flips you over and his lips cover yours. The taste of what he made happen enthralls you as you ravishingly kiss him more. This fucking was a workout within itself. Your near exhausted and light headed but you know him well enough to know it was not anywhere near done. He wastes no time pushing back into you taking a seat with you in his lap. You wind your hips on him meeting him with each thrust.

“Tell me whose pussy this is?” He growls. His hands are in your hair pulling your head back so that your eyes meet him. “Huh? You gone let another nigga take what’s mine huh?”

“No,” you sob growing weaker as his strokes consume you. Your legs hum with pain as his hands meet your thighs again and you can feel him laying back on the bench.

Your thighs are shaking. “Nah I don’t fucking believe that shit you didn’t even answer me right.” He slams back into you gripping your waist to keep you from moving. “You gone let another nigga take what’s mine. Fucking simple question. Answer that shit right.”

“No daddy,” you moan. And it starts again. The surge of pleasure. “Oh, fuck daddy.” You moan dragging out the e. You hear the door open, but your mind doesn’t register to stop being so wrapped up in his fucking.

“Whose are you?” Erik smiles. You bite your lip bucking your hips on his to get that extra friction to his lip. “You can’t speak huh?” He pauses. “Tell that nigga whose you are?”

Your eyes snap open and Maurice is in front of you, his mouth gaped open at the site before him. Then Erik starts to wreck your walls.

He drills into you and you’re shaking for him as you can’t control the mewls and screams that escape your mouth. He grips your breast for a moment and then move to your nipple. “Tell him he says.” Clenching his teeth. You can tell by how he’d become swollen inside of you that he was there and so were you.

“Yours daddy,” You pant and he thrusts into your one more and you explode, your legs shaking uncontrollably as your toes curl and your strangled cries echo around you. Maurice can’t take his eyes off you and Erik. You gush on him coating him with your cum and Erik loses his control pulling you down to his chest, finishing his last few strokes.

You both pant. “Shows over, you can get the fuck out.” Erik says with a smile to Maurice.

  Tagging:  @challaxkillmonger @wakanda-inspired@misspooh@valynsia@vanitykocaine@harleycativy@jecourt@virgosapphire79@sparklemichele@theunsweetenedtruth@ahhhhkeya@iamrheaspeaks @thiccdaddy-mbaku@muse-of-mbaku@myboyfriendgiriboy@someareblindtoitsbeauty@brittyevans@almostpurelysmut@readsalot73@ivarsshieldmadien@slimmiyagi@cinnabearice@royallyprincesslilly @hutchj @igetcarriedawaywithyou @madamslayyy

[nintxndos]

an nsfw ask meme (hide ur eyes kiddos)

I was looking through my blog and saw I answered this ask meme back in 2016 and the answers are preeetttyyyy different so I thought i would give it a go again

1. Are you a virgin? nope havent been for a hot minute now

2. Does anyone besides you know your bra/penis size? Yes ive mentioned it to my bff a few times lmfao

3. Do you know anyone who has any STDs? Yeah my fucking dad (actually it may have been an sti but still)

4. Were you married when you first lost your virginity? nope lmfao

5. Do you swear under celibacy? nah man

6. When did you first lose your virginity? If you haven't, when would you like to? ugh back in 2016 not a good time tbh

7. Have you ever gotten tricked into aphrodisiacs or alcohol for sex? nope

8. Have you walked in on someone masturbating/having sex? Yeah my parents when I was 5 amd I still remember it vividly

9. Have you ever seen someone masturbate or have sex with their permission? yes I quite enjoy it tbh

10. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex? the couch in my boyfriends parents house when everyone was home

11. If you had to chose one, would you have outdoor sex or car sex? car sex bc I dont want grass in my asshole

12. When was the age you first masturbated? Whether you knew it or not? probably 14 or 15

13. Have you ever helped someone "finish"? yes I really love it too

14. Have you ever had an erection in the past month? (clitorial counts, too) I dont know?

15. When was the last time you have had an erection? (clitorial counts, too) didnt know this was a thing tbh lmfao

16. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed? gonna take a guess and say no

17. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate) clitoral

18. What is your bra/penis size? 38DD

19. Has anyone seen your private parts other than yourself or a family member? yes

20. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus? a boys dick ayyy

21. Do you like rough sex or intimate sex better? rough sex gets me fucked UP (though intimate is nice too)

22. When was the last time you masturbated? uhhh 2 days ago maybe?

23. When was the last time you had sex? god two weeks ago and im dying i swear

24. When was the last time you watched porn? a few days ago maybe

25. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do? yes i have y first was a little blue bullet and the most recent is a vibrating dildo

26. Guys: Circumsized? not male

27. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched? thighs and neck fuckkk

28. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched? the clit baby!!

29. Girls: Are you able to achieve orgasm just through breast stimulation? nope though wow good for the ladies who can

30. What color/type of underwear are you wearing? blue panties and a floral bra

31. Have you ever sent someone a picture or video of you in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? absolutely

32. Have you ever posted a picture of image of you in the nude on a website? Did it include sexual actions? nope

33. Have you ever anonymously sent/posted a picture or video of yourself in the nude? Did it include sexual actions? nope

34. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone on tumblr? nope

35. When was the last time you have had a wet dream? maybe a week or so ago?

36. Which wet dream was your favorite? not sharing lmfao

37. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with? well im currently dating my best friend of 7/8 years

38. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with? yes

39. Have you ever masturbated with someone? yeah

40. Have you ever took a shower with someone that is not a family member? no :'----( I dont even wanna fuck in the shower I just want my back washed

41. Favorite sexual position? If you are a virgin, which position interests you? honestly i love missionary

42. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed? Fuck yes

43. Are you into any BDSM? god yeah

44. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why? yes because we live 3 hours away 😪😪

45. Turn on's? choking, spanking, being called names, ropes

46. Turn off's? age play is a no go

47. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about someone? Was it about anyone other than your lover? yes i have and since we started dating absolutely not

48. Have you ever had phone sex? Video sex? Chat box sex? yes like all the time the (since he lives 3 hours away)

49. What was the weirdest thing that has ever turned you on? uhhh I cant think of anything right now tbh

50. Do you like dirty talk? oh fuck yeah

51. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation? usually quiet bc i have to but I love being loud for my boyfriend

52. Have you ever been inturrepted during sex or masturbation? Who/what? yeah someone came downstairs and started yelling abt something, also my bf and I were fucking on the couch and the remote fell over

53. Most embarressing sex/masturbation story? god my exs mom walked in right after I gave him a blow job and she was like "what are you kids doing?"

54. Most hilarious sex/masturbation story? bruh my bf and i were trying to fuck and we had to watch his sisters dog (like in the room) and she started trying to sniff his ass it was so fucking funny he jumped off me

55. What kind of porn do you like to watch? I dont really watch porn anymore tbh

56. First type of porn you have ever watched? (ie. lesbian, hentai, threesome) leabian for sure

57. What was the most recent type of porn you have ever watched? What category was it under? uhhh threesome I think

58. Most hilarious/stupidest porn you have ever watched? dude this man had a pizza around his dick and the chicks grandpa deadass had a heartattack and she still rode him

59. Have you ever fantasized over someone older than you? How much older? Younger? How much younger? chris evans tbh (older by a hot second)

60. Favorite sex toy (if any)? I quite like my purple dildo

61. Have you ever had to break up with/divorce someone because you weren't satisfied with their sex? nah

62. Have you ever used anything/gotten any surgeries to improve sexual performance/feel? nope and probably never will

63. If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower? yes for my boyfriend anytime but not for any of yall sorry

64. Have you ever told someone any wet dreams/fantasies you've had about them? yes my bf is a fan of them

65. Do you like to have sex like they do in pornos? no bc I have real orgasms (finally!!!)

66. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them? yes I tell my bf and we have phone sex at least once a week

67. Are you able to be secretive when you masturbate? (like able to be quiet so no one can hear?) yeah I kinda have to

68. When was the first time you achieved orgasm? when i was 15 I was literally sitting on a closed toilet in my house bc I shared a room at the time w my sister so i had no choice

69. Is there only one way so far that you have been able to achieve orgasm? (ie. only by using toys, only from 1 positon,only from masturbating a certain way) nah I can do clitoral, clitoral/penatrative, and just penetration

70. Favorite type of oral? the kind w his tongue on my pussy?

71. Strangest sexual positon you've tried? havent really done any strange positions

72. Have you ever made up a sexual postion? not that I'm aware of

73. Girls: During sex, vaginal or anal? vaginal i fucking hate anal

74. Girls: During masturbation, clitorial, vaginal, or anal? clitoral

75. Do you like to be dominant or submissive? I love being a whiny sub

76. Have you ever masturbated to someone? yes

77. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn't there when you needed them? god yes that is why I usually masturbate

78. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them? yes and absolutely not

79. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial? yes and no

80. Have you ever had sex with someone who wasnt your partner? not while we were dating no, but ive had sex w people who arent him

81. Has any of your partners had sex with someone else? yes

82. Have you ever gotten pregnant? Were they your lover's or someone else's? nope though ive had a scare or two

83. Birth control or condoms? birth control

84. Do you ever masturbate to porn? not really anymore

85. Does anyone know you masturbate? Did you have to tell them? yes and not really?

86. Did your parents ever find out you were sexually active? yup

87. Do you have any STDs? nope

88. Have you ever masturbated to a fictonal character or celebrity? yeah when i was like 15/16

89. Have you ever had sex during "7 minutes in heaven"? nope never even played bc its lame

90. Spit or swallow? Or do you not like oral? I swallow if he cums in my mouth but i love getting it on my faceeee

91. Have you ever been rejected for sex? Have you ever rejected someone else? nope and yes

92. Do you have someone who said they are willing to take away your virginity if you havent lost it by a set age or if you just want to have a good time? no

93. Have you ever experimented with the opposite sex? yes

94. When you first lost your virginity, was it intended or spontanious? intended bc thats the only way we ever had sex unfortunately

95. Has anyone ever walked in when you were taking a shower with someone? nah

96. Did you ever tell someone once you lost your virginity? yeah I literally called my best friend (current boyfriend)

97. Does your lover know if you have masturbated? yes

98. Does your lover know that you want to have sex with them but cant? yes!! we dont live together and we are constantly horny it sucks!!!!

99. Do you like masturbation? eh

100. (Asker's ask) If i were to ask you if we could have sex, would you say yes? nope sorry

[michael-and-bots]

FNAF character headcanons for my AU!

This is for my personal AU for what I think happens in the FNAF timeline+more! Click under the cut to see everyone!

Humans

Michael Afton: Mostly just Done and Tired. He’s easy to anger and upset(who wouldn’t be in his state?), but he really is a good dude. It’s just kinda hard being a walking corpse man with trauma so intense that no therapist would believe you. He also has no one except for Jeremy and Scott(phone guy), who both have their own shit to deal with. He COULD consider the animatronics his friends, but that’s kinda hard when they try to kill him every night. Has the life goal of ending what his father began.

William Afton: GROSS BOY!! He’s not a stereotypical maniac killer, he’s a genius, and isn’t afraid to to flaunt that, but his utter lack of empathy is what makes him not feel any remorse for what he does, and his lack of care for anything but himself and genuine curiosity of what happens when you die is what drove him to murder. He’s awful. (See more: Springtrap)

Elizabeth Afton: Cheerful, curious, and adventurous. She’s much like her father in these ways, however she has more empathy and wishes to help people, however she’s not afraid to place herself before others. Around eight years old before death. (See more: Baby)

Cassidy Afton: Shy, hesitant, and introverted. He very quiet when around strangers, and still quiet when around family. He has a lot going on in his head- a giant imagination, something he gets from his father. He often gets dragged along by his twin sister on adventures. Around eight years old before death. (See more: Golden Freddy)

Mrs. Afton: Quiet and kinda a doormat. She loves singing and often sings to her children or to herself. She is kinda scared of William, but genuinely cares about him and tries everything she can to make him happy. Committed suicide after her first child died and her husband refused to give her comfort. (See more: Ballora)

Jeremy: This Boy Has No Fear And Someone Must Stop Him. He obviously can’t get a job in his condition of, Yknow, lacking a frontal lobe? Luckily, Scott took him in and they’ve been living together for the most part!! Jeremy would get into a lot of trouble while Scott was at work until Michael eventually moved in as well. Making sure Jeremy didn’t follow any dumb fucking impulse was like a day shift, but he didn’t mind it too much. Jeremy does care about people and things and does have a will to live, he just completely forgets that stuff when he gets distracted and interested by something that would usually make someone take off running.

Scott(Phone Guy): Nervous twink. Has been working in the establishment for a LONG ASS TIME! He’s pretty sketchy and kinda a compulsive liar, mostly out of fear of William, even after the guys dead. He is literally constantly trying to get Michael and Jeremy to Not Do The Thing.

Henry: Big ol happy bear guy! For awhile, at least. After Charlie died and all the things happened with William, he lost his will to live. Design and engineering was no longer fun to him after someone he grew up with and cared about shattered everything about them in his face with a trail of bloody child murders. Rather sketchy and vague. Deeply cares about his mission to end this as much as Michael does. Charlie: A kind-hearted little girl adopted by Henry. She’s the mom friend- someone who tries to make sure everyone’s happy and tries her best to make sure everything’s okay. She was best friends with Elizabeth before she was killed. Around eight years old before death. (See more: Marionette)

Animatronics

Freddy: Stoic, leader-like, quiet, very reclusive and tries to hide just about anything emotional.

Bonnie: nervous and twitchy, but kinda clever in a way? He'll like drop his guitar or something while muttering "shit. Fuck. Fuck. Dammit. This shits slipping like my guts did through That Bitch Williams hands.." and then get whacked in the back of the head by the others. Hates his body and doesn’t like to be stared at.

Chica: Very soft gal! She doesn’t really take many things seriously? She screams a lot and cusses like a sailor even when being nice. She's very motherly though and adores the kids.

Foxy: little shit garbage boy. Very unstable and emotional and emo. He hides in his cove and when he's not hiding he's being a little shit by making fun of everyone. Twitches a lot. Bonds with Bonnie well cause they joke about their trauma. "This here pizzas worse than that fuckin' kids skull, Chica. Did ya even cook the shit? I'll go Gordon Ramsay on yar ass, I swear it." (Even tho he didn’t cause the bite- though tbh I feel like he pretends to have some psychic twin connection with Mangle for some dumb reason)

Toy Freddy: "listen, man. I'm not possessed by any fucking kids. I'm just here to do my job. And eat pizza."

Toy Bonnie: "> : 3 c"

Toy Chica: Very flirty and chipper, far sweeter than normal chica. While og chica will fight someone if they insult her, Toy Chica will just cry or smth imo.

Mangle: "!!!!!!!!!BARK!!!!!!!!!!!!!BALL????????????????H????????!!!!$!$&&;&;!:7374:${£}£|\+!!!!!!!!!!!!"(literally haunted by a dog. no one can really understand them except for Chica or sometimes Foxy. However, they use sign language to communicate to everyone else.)

Golden Freddy/Fredbear: Goes by Goldie. Far more childish than someone would expect. Hates his reflection. Very rarely shows up because of his fear of the other animatronics, even though he's aware they're also kids possessing them. Don’t ask how he functions in an empty suit, he doesn’t know either. (See more: Cassidy Afton).

Marionette: Goes by “Em”. An Absolute Mom. She takes care of everyone in the restaurant and looks after them. She was overprotective at first, but when the re-opened building closed after The Bite she lost that bloodlust and was fine with hiding away with Goldie, especially since he’s very lonely and doesn’t panic looking at her. She also feels rather bad for Michael, and would never kill anyone EXCEPT for William. Very close with Baby. (See more: Charlie)

Springtrap: Absolute sweetheart!!!! Baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wouldn't harm a fly!!!!!!! Most the time. His connection with Williams soul is different than everyone else? While they kinda fused(??) with their animatronics cause the puppet gave em life, Springtrap is still his own bot but very often possessed by William, who is of course fucking awful. mostly a mute due to his broken down voice box and his fear of talking in general due to so many years alone with just Williams soul(see more: William Afton).

Baby: She’s kinda a little shit? She seems quiet and polite but her very soft-spoken voice says some alarming things or just straight up insults. She’s rather clever and can easily outsmart practically everyone. She doesn’t seem to be very bothered by her death unlike everyone else. After getting kicked out by Ennard, her endoskeleton literally hangs out in the back alley way- or even the kitchen of Freddy’s. Often talks to Em. (see more: Elizabeth Afton).

Ballora: Mom friend, or more like literal mom, in a sense. Ballora is possessed by Mrs. Afton, and is rather aggressive in a way that is vague if you catch my drift. She has a love/hate relationship with William, which is a very common symptom of abuse(see more: Mrs. Afton).

Funtime Freddy: ABSOLUTE CHAOTIC DUMBASS. (used to be shocked the most out of everyone else- eventually it damaged his hard drive and made him more chaotic. They had to hook him off of the controlled shock treatment to prevent him from over frying.)

Funtime Foxy: attention whore. Enjoys being a dumb shithead just like Ft Freddy, but takes the fact that he used to be a child and was killed by the person enslaving them more seriously.

Ennard: An amalgamation of Baby, Ballora, and FT Freddy and Foxy. It’s a little chaotic shit, and has this fake crush on Michael, and enjoys making fun of his pain.

Molten Freddy: Ennard, but without Baby. After Baby was kicked out, both Ballora and Ft Foxy were too submissive to take her place as the one in charge, so Ft Freddy took control, which wasn’t a very good idea. Molten Freddy is very chaotic and loud, as well as twitchy and dangerous. Ennard's slight attachment towards Michael was replaced by pure love for seeing him suffer- but more just disinterest in general.

[katjacksonbooks]

For @thearcherballet

Times Square [Mike gets a new pair of shoes. Precious and Cali have thoughts.]

 Mike didn’t put much stock in all of the swag floating around photo shoots. Brand managers handed out watches, shoes, jewelry, scooters, bags and whatever luxury item on hand to their favorite models like candy, pretending that these expensive gifts were trifles, nothing to think twice about. But all models understood that these gifts came with strings.

In the best case scenario, the brand manager might encourage a model to pick out a high end bag and the social media manager might blithely compliment the color choice, offer to take a picture and then next thing anyone knew, the picture was plastered over the brand’s social media. A free advertisement. The worst case scenario was far too common and destructive and made this kind of underhanded maneuver feel innocent by comparison. That’s why Mike’s policy on free swag at photoshoots was not to take anything that cost more than he was hypothetically willing to pay. He had a reputation for turning down gifts from agents and photographers that he didn’t know well or knew too well to trust.

But Kendall Wallace was his favorite photographer and he trusted her completely. Her shoots were always easy, relaxed. She usually created a music playlist to invoke the mood of the photoshoot. And since her specialty was athletics the music allowed Mie to step onto her sets with relaxed muscles and blood pumping. He didn’t have to fake any smiles for Kendall’s cameras. So when she suggested that he keep the pair of multicolored Balenciaga Triple S sneakers he’d been shocked.

“Seriously?”

She rolled her eyes and laughed. “Don’t give me that cute Midwestern golly gosh shit.”

He moved to swipe the piece of hair from his forehead that always fell across his forehead into his eyes – which Precious liked to braid and Cali threatened to cut while he was asleep – and then aimed a broad, toothy grin at Kendall. “You sure about that?”

Kendall burst into laughter and doubled over. “Oh my god, you’re the worst. I don’t know how your girlfriends can stand you when you get like this.”

Mike shrugged and then laughed, “What can I say, I’m charming.”

Kendall wiped her eyes and shook her head. “Keep the shoes and get out of my studio before you set something on fire with all of that charm.”

Mike sobered. “Are you sure? They’re expensive.”

This wasn’t his Midwestern innocence, it was practicality. Mike had been admiring the shoes for months, hunting down reviews on his favorite fashion blogs and checking out styling options on Instagram obsessively. But he’d done so mostly as a fantasy endeavor. He would never be able to justify spending $900 on a pair of shoes. He and Cali had great careers for the moment, but fashion was a fickle industry and health insurance was expensive. And Precious’s stipend was enough for her to survive, especially on one third of the rent and bills, but she lived frugally otherwise. They all did. They preferred instead to stash their money away for a rainy day or, in the far far future, a down payment on their own house wherever Precious got an academic job after she graduated.

That’s why he’d been so excited to model for Kendall today. The chance to wear the shoes he’d been obsessing over was an experience he couldn’t pass up. And that would have been enough for him. But to wear them out of Kendall’s studio, to own them, felt like a fever dream.

But Kendall, only a couple of years older than Mike, had been in the fashion business her entire life. The daughter of one of Gianni Versace’s favorite avant garde artists and an original supermodel, Kendall’s first photoshoot at six months old was featured in Elle. She was literally fashion royalty.

She looked at Mike, her hands stilling over the case of camera lenses she was organizing.

“They’re not that expensive. And the company said I could do whatever I wanted with them after the shoot. They’re not my style, but they look good on you. Besides, I saw the way your eyes lit up when you put them on.” She smirked at him. “Only someone as beautiful as you can make those godawful things look good.”

Mike’s cheeks warmed in a gentle blush.

“Oh god, now you’re blushing. Go,” Kendall laughed.

“Okay, let me just get a picture first,” he said. He toed off his old sneakers and stuffed them into the Balenciaga box and stuffed that into his backpack. He carefully slipped the Balenciaga’s on and then turned to the mirrored wall at the back of Kendall’s studio. He crouched down in a squat on one knee, held his phone in one hand and draped the other over his bent knee and then relaxed his face. He didn’t point at the shoes like he wanted to as if to say “holy shit, look what I got.” He looked casual, relaxed, handsome. When he found a picture he liked, he posted it to his Instagram, stood, grabbed his bag and ran to Kendall, kissing her on the cheek quickly 

“Blech,” she said, and wiped at her face. “Go, farm boy.”

“Thanks, Ken,” he yelled over his shoulder.

Her laughter followed him out into the hallway.

***

Mike hated Times Square. Normally he stayed as far away from the tourist trap as he could. But tonight he had no choice.

He was standing just outside the turnstile at the 42nd Street subway station waiting. He was early, which was a rarity, but he’d come prepared. He’d pulled his Nintendo Switch from his backpack and then leaned his back against the wall. He lost himself in his video game, the distant sounds of people – so many people – around him fading away.

He wasn’t sure exactly how long he’d been there, but a voice cut through his focus. He paused his game automatically, not wanting to lose his life or progress because some tourist wanted to know which way to the Hard Rock Café.

“Excuse me sir, are you lost?”

Mike’s brow furrowed and he swiveled his head to the right to find Cali staring at him with concern.

“Are you lost? Did you misplace your family? Your wife, probably named Nancy, and your two kids, Sally and Justin?”

“What?” Mike asked, wondering in the back of his head if he needed to call Dr. Toussaint. 

Cali came closer and reached tentatively to put her hand on his shoulder. “Is your name Tom? Are you some recently divorced dad from Iowa on vacation? Because that is the only way to explain those ugly ass shoes.” Cali burst out laughing.

Mike rolled his eyes.

Cali’s laughs grew louder, her body heaving as she leaned into his side, laughing directly into his ear.

“Are you done?” He asked after a while. 

She laughed harder in response. In fact, she was still laughing when he spotted Precious.

He raised his hand to catch her attention just as she walked through the turnstile.

She smiled and waved back and practically ran toward them.

But a few feet away she started yelling. “Steve. Steve. Oh my god, Steve.”

Mike looked from side to side and then yelled back. “Who the fuck is Steve?”

She bounced into his arms, jostling him and a still hysterical Cali, who didn’t seem to notice.

She gave him a kiss on the lips and smiled up at him. 

He smiled back, “Who the fuck is Steve?” 

“Well you, duh. Only a suburban dad from Wyoming named Steve would wear these horrible shoes,” she said, dropping her gaze to stare at his feet.

Cali’s giggles were louder in his ear.

“You two planned this didn’t you?” He asked, frowning.

Cali rested her head on his shoulder and looked up at him. She opened her mouth to answer but then laughed some more. 

Precious looked up at him through her long, inky eyelashes and said in her most serious voice, “Of course we did. If we don’t tease you, who will?”

He rolled his eyes again, “These shoes are designer.”

Precious leaned up to kiss him again, “These shoes are hideous.”

“You just don’t understand fashion,” he said in a weak reply.

“Oh babe, if this is fashion, I agree. I do not understand,” Precious said. “But don’t worry. I still think you’re cute.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Just cute?”

“Well,” Precious said with a shrug. “If you take off the ugly shoes and maybe your shirt, I’d be willing to reconsider.” She pressed her body more fully into his side, molding to him the way they liked.

If they hadn’t had anything to do tonight, anywhere to be, he would have let Precious flirt him into submission. She could do that and they all knew it. Even Cali’s laughter had simmered to a chuckle. If Mike let her, Precious could lead them back through the turnstile, onto the train home, slowly ratcheting up the temperature of their lust with softly whispered words and surreptitious touches that no one could see and only he and Cali could feel. If he let her, they’d be kissing sloppily in their building’s elevator, already stripping off their clothes in the hallway outside of their door, fingers fumbling to insert the key into the lock. 

If he let her.

But he couldn’t let her. They had a date.

“Later,” he whispered to Precious and flexed hand at Cali’s waist.

“Later,” Precious whispered back.

Cali’s response was a small brush of her lips at Mike’s throat.

***

They maneuvered through the crush of people in the early evening pedestrian trap, he and Precious each holding one of Cali’s hands.

When they reached the right intersection, they crossed to the pedestrian plaza.

“Here?” Precious asked.

Cali let go of their hands and opened her purse, pulling out her cell phone. “I think so,” she mumbled as she scrolled on her phone.

Mike pulled his backpack off of one shoulder. He unzipped it and fished around inside for the small, individual glasses of wine he’d bought for the occasion. He handed one to Precious and held onto his and Cali’s. He slipped his backpack back on as he turned around in a circle.

“There it is,” he said.

Cali and Precious turned to look. Precious squealed and jumped up and down.

The large, backlit advertisement was for a new jewelry company started by an actress looking to diversify her profile from waifish ingénue to eclectic artist. The company had contacted Cali to be the face of their brand before they even had a launch date for the first collection. They’d been attempting to cast a man for their engagement campaign but hadn’t liked any of the male models they saw. Cali had suggested Mike and they’d loved the idea of having a real life couple for the shoot. Mike and Cali had smiled and shot each other knowing looks every time someone called them a couple.

“Ah, it’s so beautiful,” Precious said.

The picture was black and white, mimicking an engagement photoshoot. Cali’s head was on Mike’s chest, his strong, angular jaw was resting on the top of her curls. Her hand was in the center of the frame, perfectly displaying the enormous solitaire diamond ring on her left ring finger.

“Do you like it?” Cali asked, reaching for one of the glasses of wine in his hand.

He handed it over and nodded. “My jaw looks great.”

She pushed his arm and smiled. “You’re terrible.”

Mike grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him. Their mouths pressed together and Cali smiled through their kiss, her tongue teasing his lips, but never fully pushing into his mouth.

Mike could still hear Precious squealing in delight, but he stopped kissing Cali only when he heard her speaking.

“Hello, sir. Hi,” Precious said.

Mike looked up to see her waving down a short Arab man trying to cross the street in peace. She pointed at their ad.

“Look at that. That’s my boyfriend and girlfriend on an ad in Times Square,” she exclaimed. And then she pointed behind her at them, Cali still in Mike’s arms. “That’s them.” 

Mike and Cali turned to one another and smiled. When Mike looked back, the man was walking quickly away, shaking his head as he looked over his shoulder at them. 

“Wait sir, it really is them. Don’t mind his ugly shoes. He really is a model,” she yelled.

Mike frowned at the back of Precious’s head. Cali burst into another fit of laughter.

Undeterred, Precious called out to another random passerby. “Excuse me, ma’am. Look.” She was pointing again at their ad. “You probably won’t believe this because of his shoes but-” 

“Alright enough,” Mike said, releasing a laughing Cali to grab Precious around her waist from behind. He lifted her easily and moved her away from the woman. He gave the woman a smile that he hoped reassured her, but she only clutched her purse tighter to her side and hurried away.

Cali was laughing hysterically while Mike held Precious against his side.

“The shoes aren’t that ugly,” he said to Precious.

She relaxed against him as he lowered her feet back on the ground. She tilted her head back to his shoulder and looked up at him. “I love how optimistic you are,” she said and then joined Cali as she erupted in a fit of giggles.

Eventually he stood there, his hands on his hips, waiting for Precious and Cali’s laughter to subside.

But as he was waiting, a man around their age passed them by, did a double take, and then yelled out to Mike, “Yo are those the new Balenciaga’s?” 

“Yea,” Mike yelled back.

“Aight! Those are fresh as hell,” the stranger responded with a smile and then disappeared into the crowd.

“Thank you,” Mike yelled triumphantly, but not at the man. He turned his bright eyes at Precious and Cali who had stopped laughing and were looking at him with pursed lips and rolling eyes. “Fashion!”

[crimsonquiescence]

A part of me

is restored when he told me that I was the probably the most significant relationship he had. If I had to pinpoint my last romance, it would be the one with him. He probably thought I was kinky and liked pain, probably still does. I guess he’s not wrong.

But I don’t. I never did.

I wouldn’t ask for just anyone to hurt me like that, and leave marks that turned dark purple and swelled. It isn’t pretty, and I’m not sick. But I thought it meant something. I thought it was an understanding no one could come close to. No one would understand the ways I loved and wanted to share myself with him and felt alive upon the marks he left all over me, upon the way he squeezed my neck and took complete control over my destiny. I thought we were in another realm, beyond words. I wondered what my life felt like in his hands, and whether it was beautiful--each breath, each quiver... I wondered if it made him feel as powerful as I wanted to make him feel.

I thought, we were somewhere just for the two of us.

When he left so carelessly, I wasn’t heartbroken. I wanted to be gone. I was tired of having to move on, because I wanted to have given him my all. Because if I moved on, all that would’ve meant nothing, all that nasty clump of swelling pain and pleasure, all for nothing--can you imagine? The thought hurts me still. I try not to think about it. I wanted there to be validation of our love through my existence--one that was no more in his absence. (In retrospect, I think it was a pretty pathetic and ridiculous thought).

He told me he was sorry, and that he didn’t know. I shrug my shoulders and smile at the screen now, because it means something to be sorry 6 years later. But the 20 year old me is crying, asking him, how could you not? You held me in your hands. You thought I was going to die, and all I wanted was to wake up and have you be the first thing I saw.

I was honest when I told him I loved him and all that blah blah blah. I didn’t question his honesty then. I can’t question one of my favourite summers ever.

He tells me now that it was too brief to be love. He tells me he was stupid for letting it go so easily. I guess he’s right--about the love part. I don’t know. Maybe I was just an experiment for his sexuality. But all I’d ever believed in and hoped for was love. He asks me “Why me” again now, as if we just had the most disgustingly vanilla sex ever, as if I hadn’t hurt someone else I was with for 1.5 years and watched him cry an entire night and cried with him too. I told him that was what it meant to be together, because I agreed to be together, and that’s what a relationship should be like, in my mind. What I didn’t tell him was that probably, there was no reason--probably, he knew the reason when he indulged in my pain. It would be strange to take something with such intent, and then turn your head and ask, why me? I just always assumed he’d done it out of love. I see no point in being kinky just for the sake of kinkiness, just like how I don’t usually see any connection between love and sex, but I did, that time. Because, or else, why bother?

Last night, I thought to that summer, to his abandonment, to all the shit afterwards, and realized that this is a sad story. The outcome can stay, but if he had told me any of what he told me now, between 2015-2016... I can’t continue the thought. I want to scream. There are just some things I can’t begin to put into words. I’d already let a part of me die, because I thought it all meant nothing. Now that I stand corrected, it feels as if the worst has already happened, except one thing.

He asked me if I believed in love. I thought about you and told him I did. He said that love meant too many things, like compassion and care and other stuff. I said, that’s not my definition of love. He said that he stays away from saying words like “I love you” to his partners and instead describes how he feels. I said I used it regardless, because it’s nice in the moment. But really just because, I want you to know it. I hated how all my thoughts circled back to you when I was just talking to him to get my mind off of you. By then, you were no longer a person. I’d broken you down to ideas, to words, to your social media accounts, to the eyes behind the camera, to pictures, to your profile pictures, to stupid chat boxes, to your hair, to your touch, to your smell, to your lips, to the streets we pass by, to the views we look at, to dialogue and to thoughts so many times over that you were no longer you but just a meta-presence in my mind and a tugging in my chest. Your sparse responses don’t help. They just broke it down more, as I thought about the meaning behind each pause and added it to the thought of you--you as a pause, as an absence, or as the deliberate attempt to ignore me and make me feel puny and small and negligible. Yes, all you--when you are no longer you but yet all of you combined.

I’m telling you this because no one else will understand, and I don’t want them to know. I have no one else to tell, so here’s the bit of hope that you will get me, even if just a little, since I think we’ve both questioned life. The point is, I’ve been through all this and I’m so tired of this cycle of nothingness.

When you asked me today, what was on my mind, I didn’t tell you that the words I wanted to say to you kept me up: I’ll die if you leave me, I mean it. I’m so tired of it all. I want you to be my last. You’ll kill me if you walk out on me. Hell, you might as well just kill me, literally, with your own bare hands--I don’t care.

I’m not saying this to be cute. I mean it. After all this meaningful meaninglessness and philosophizing and pain and submission and domination and intellectualizing and tears and hurt that I once thought meant something, I just want it to all stop.

I want to live and die for a heart-wrenching romance.

I fucking love you.

And I’m tired of having to move on.

--June 23, 2020

[ohhkkaebsonggg]

Playtime » BamBam

→ Pairing: BamBam X Reader

→ Summary: BamBam and you had always done things to spice up your sex life. You found out some interesting things when you both started experimenting. Like that he hates teasing and likes being called daddy. 

❝You’ve always been a slut haven’t you?❞

❝ Did you just squirt?❞

❝ You wanted me to catch you didn’t you? Playing with yourself to turn me on?❞

→ Genre: Smut, Angst, Fluff

→ Warnings: Dom!BamBam, Sub!Reader, Daddy kink, masturbation, oral (receiving), overstimulation

→ Word Count: 3.7k 

"How long will you be gone?" You asked, sitting on the bed still dressed in your sleep attire. BamBam was packing his things to go to the dorm for a 'week' he said but usually a week to him is three.

"Don't worry princess, I'll be back before you know it." He said, still placing t-shirts into the suitcase while you sat there watching. You weren't good with distance and BamBam knew that.

You looked away knowing you’re probably going to cry and could already feel the tears starting to well up in your eyes. You would have to wake up and go to sleep without him next to you. BamBam took notice of how quiet you went and looked at you.

He saw how your hair covered your face and your head was turned away from his direction, knowing that you were going to cry which is what made his heart drop.

"Princess..." He trailed off, crouching in front of you and grabbing hold of your hands. You clenched your jaw, something you did when you were upset to try and stop your tears from flowing down your red cheeks.

"Hey, look at me." He said softly, you turned your head and looked down to meet his gaze. His soft eyes looking right into your watering ones. A tight feeling in your chest that made your stomach twist and turn.

"You're going to be okay, you can always come visit. Don't worry I'll be back in no time." He said stroking your cheeks softly and you nodded and your eyes began to return back to normal.

"Do you remember the rules?" He asked and you nodded your head, the list of rules for whenever he left stuck in your brain.

"Yes Daddy." You said softly, thinking back to last time you broke the rules.

"Tell Daddy what the rules are and what will happen if you break them." He ordered and you nodded, biting your lip before going to speak.

"Rule number one; I am not allowed to visit for sex. 

Rule number two; I am not allowed to touch myself, only Daddy can touch me. 

Rule number three; I am not allowed to drink, club or go out to parties without Daddy's permission. 

Rule number four; I must not lie to Daddy and answer honestly to all questions. 

And rule number five; I am not allowed to go into the playroom until Daddy comes home." 

The rules were simple. Don't do anything basically.

He leaned forward and kissed your lips, of course you tried to deepen it only for him to pull away and tusk at you, knowing he wouldn't leave on time if you both got into it right now. 

 "I promise we'll play when I come back. Until then wait princess and you'll be rewarded okay?" He said and you nodded, hands gripping your own thighs and digging your nails into them. Sex was constant with BamBam, especially playtime which is what you enjoyed the most. 

You had a playroom where there was a bed and many toys and things to try on you and even on him. But BamBam preferred to be dominant and have you be submissive to him. You weren't sure how you were going to go a day without an orgasm let alone a week. 

You watched your boyfriend finish packing before zipping up the black bag and pulling it off the bed and dragging it downstairs to sit by the door while waiting for the other members. You followed him and stood there, you hated goodbyes and you could tell he hated them too. 

 "Come here baby." He cooed, arms wrapping around you and pulling you into his warm embrace. His lips pressing against your temple while his fingers ran through your hair. 

 "I know it's hard not seeing me everyday. But I promise I'll be back soon. And you can come by for a few hours don't forget. I won't be gone for longer than two weeks this time. I promise." He said pulling back and looking at you. Seeing your eyes red and teary again made it all so much harder for him to grab his bag and walk out the door. 

The sound of his phone ringing brought his eyes away from yours and to his hand where he read the caller ID and picked up. 

 "Hey, are you guys here already?" He asked hearing Mark's voice on the other end telling him he was outside. He put his phone back in his pocket after hanging up, looking down at you again. You knew that it seemed ridiculous, he was only going to be gone for two weeks tops.

It shouldn't be a big deal. But that's 14 days without him laying next to you and cuddling you, 14 days eating alone, 14 days showering or bathing alone. 14 days without one orgasm. 

It sounds stupid but it was serious to you. BamBam leaned down and kissed you once more, this time it more passionate as if it were the last time you would ever kiss him. 

Your hands wrapped around his neck and his on your waist pulling you into him. The sound of the van outside waiting brought him away from your lips and back into reality that he was leaving. 

"Remember the rules baby. I love you." He said pecking your lips once more.

"I love you too Daddy." You said pouting slightly as he grabbed his bag and walked out the door, you waved and stood outside and watched him wave back before climbing in and driving off. 

Watching the van disappear around the corner and off to the dorms. You sighed, turning around and going back inside. The house now quiet and boring. You glanced at the clock and looked at the time. It was five to two. 

If BamBam were still here playtime would be in ten minutes but he would shorten it to five if you were a good girl. 

"What to do. What to do. What to do. What to do." You continued to repeat this phrase to yourself over and over again while swinging your arms around like a child. You looked over into the living room and decided to watch some TV for a few hours before making dinner. 

Well actually instead of making dinner you were most likely just going to order pizza because BamBam used to make dinner. You weren't exactly the best when it came to cooking. You have had countless times where you've almost burnt down the house. 

You dropped yourself down on the couch and grabbed the controller, pressing the red button to turn it on before switching between channels. Some of them with the news, some with cartoons and some just regular TV shows. 

You just put it on some random channel and propped your elbow up so you could lean your head in your hand. Watching the screen as some comedy show played, you laughing at a few jokes here and there. 

Time flew by fast for you, maybe because you fell asleep. A habit you had when watching TV, even with BamBam when he wanted to watch a movie or show with you. You woke up and saw that it was pitch black out the window, knowing that it was probably around six and glanced over at the time. 

7:16pm it read, you sighed and got up. Reaching for your phone and dialing the pizza number. 

"Hi this is Han Im's pizza, you're speaking with Mikki. Would you like to try our special deal 2 for 15,000 won?" She asked and you sighed and said no to the offer. 

"Can I please order a f/p with a 1.25 liter cola please?" You asked as the girl on the other end wrote down your order on her little note pad. 

"Okay, is that pick-up or delivery?" She asked and you bit your lip. Not exactly good with personal contact but decided it was better for them to come here. 

"Uh delivery please." You said and heard her mumble the word as she wrote it down. 

"Okay, and your address?" She asked, you felt your cheeks heat up for some reason. Scared like you were giving your address to some random stranger and in a way you were. 

"Uh y/a." You answered and she wrote it down before handing the piece of paper to the people who would be taking care of making an delivering your pizza. 

"Okay your order will take 25 minutes tops to arrive. Thank you for calling--" and you hung up. You didn't care if it made you seem like a rude customer but you couldn't stay on the phone much longer otherwise you would burst. 

 You went and sat back down on the couch. BamBam only left about 5 hours ago and you already missed him so much. You continued to watch whatever was on TV while going through social media and liking a bunch of posts. 

You came across a post from BamBam on Instagram of him and the guys all smiling and taking a group selca. The caption: 

'Back with the weirdos, hope you all are ready for our comeback!' 

You couldn't help but read the comments of many girls using heart eyes and love heart emojis. 

Some saying 'I love you Youngjae' some saying 'I want to fuck Jackson' and some even saying 'BamBam my daddy.' The comments that they made about BamBam never really bothered you, you knew he loved you and only knew and what they were saying wasn't ever false. 

BamBam is Daddy, but not theirs. He was your Daddy. When you first started dating him you didn't like the way his fans would comment such things about him but over time you got used to it all and just accepted that some people were like that. 

You jumped when you heard a knock on your door, the sound bringing you out of your thoughts and towards the door to be greeted with the girl and a name tag 'Sooi' on it. 

"That comes to 10,000 won." She said as you grabbed your wallet sitting on the table by the door and handed her the money in exchange for the f/p pizza and bottle of cola. After saying bye and closing the door you turned around and headed back for the couch. 

Opening the box up and seeing seem roll off it before grabbing a slice and bringing it to your lips. It had been a while since you had pizza, a year and a half to be exact. God how you missed the taste. 

 The pizza box was empty, the bottle of cola half full still and you were once again in a deep sleep. 

This time your dream more intense and involving BamBam between your legs. You woke up just before the good part and found yourself hot and flustered. No this wasn't the first time you've had a wet dream about your lover but usually BamBam took care of your needs. 

God you wanted to reach down there and just play with yourself but you weren't allowed to do that. It was against the rules. If you did you'll be punished and punished usually meant spanking and no orgasms for a week when he comes back. Just a lot of teasing. 

You had been such a good girl lately for your Daddy and the last thing you wanted to do was put him in a bad mood with you. 

It has been a week, a week without him. Every day you grew hornier but always slept it off. For reason you would always just wake up even more horny. 

You couldn't take it anymore, getting up from the couch and opening the door to the play room. A rule broken, you walked towards the toy box and pulled out a vibrator. Another rule broken. 

And you knew you could never tell Daddy this. Another rule broken. If he found out that would be thirty spanks. Ten for each rule. You walked out of the play room and into the bed room, kicking off your leggings and underwear. 

Laying down on the soft mattress with your legs spread and slightly bent. You ran a finger through your folds, feeling how wet you were before grabbing the vibrator and turning it on to medium. 

 You placed it to your clit, the sudden feeling causing your hips to buck and your back to arch slightly and a small yelp to leave your lips. 

"Oh fuck." You hummed, moving it in circular motions around your clit. It hitting all the right places where you liked it. You didn't even hear the front door open and close nor even hear BamBam come into the room at all. 

You were so caught up in chasing your high. You were close to, switching it to the highest setting and letting our loud cries now as your hips began bucking into nothing and your legs began to shake slightly. 

"You just couldn't wait could you princess?" The voice was dark and cold, you swear you felt your heart stop as heat ran to your cheeks. Your eyes open and the vibrator now away from your dripping pussy as you laid there. 

Praying you heard his voice in your head but when you looked over at the door and locked eyes with him you knew this was real. His eyes were dark and his hands were stuffed away into the pockets of his very tight jeans. 

"Daddy I'm--" You tried to speak as he began slowly walking over to the bed and he cut off your sentence with his own cold one. 

"You wanted me to catch you didn't you? Playing with yourself to turn me on?" His voice was very husky and you could feel yourself getting wetter at every word that left his lips. 

"Do you not respect Daddy enough to follow the rules?" He asked and you shook your head quickly. 

"I do Daddy it's just--" He placed a finger to your lips to cut you off once again. Your back-chatting was going to be added to your punishment list now. There were rules for when it was play time and back-chatting was one of them. 

He was suddenly pushing your legs apart and looking up at you with dark eyes. You looked down at him with flushed cheeks and your chest falling and rising quickly. 

"Do you want Daddy to taste you princess?" He asked and you nodded, bucking your hips towards his mouth to get him to hurry up and make you cum already. He chuckled before moving away, an annoyed look on your face and before you knew it he was pulling you over his lap and delivering your first hard spank. 

You yelped, almost forgetting the feeling of his hand colliding with your ass. 

"One. Thank you Daddy." You said, knowing if you broke any more rules he would be spanking you all night. 

"You've always been a dirty slut haven't you?" He asked, slapping his hand against the flesh on your behind again. 

"Yes. Two. Thank you Daddy." He continued to deliver spanks to your cheeks. Making sure to give both his attention and making sure both were left red and sore. That was your punishment. In total he gave you thirty-five. 

"Now lay back." He demanded, you crawled off him and laid back down in the position you were before. He grabbed your ankles and pulled you towards the edge of the bed, his breath fanning over your pussy causing you to lace your fingers through his hair. 

"Beg for it kitten." He said looking up at you, his face only centimeters away. 

"Please Daddy, I want your lips. I want your tongue fucking my little hole. I want to cum all over your tongue then ride you cock nice and hard." You whined and that was what he needed to hear. He didn't even bother with teasing, pushing his face right into you and licking up the arousal that dropped from you. 

He placed his hand so his palm rested just below your pubic bone so he could use his fingers to spread your lips and flick your clit at a fast pace. Moans and whimpers falling from your lips and you pushed him into you more, trying to get him to do what you love best, tongue fuck you.

Something you found to do good, mainly because it made you cum fast and that's what you needed right now. He got the hint and slipped his tongue into your entrance, still holding your lips open as he rubbed at your clit slowly while pushing his tongue in and out of you. 

Your legs were shaking once again, you knew he would pull back any second though just to be a tease. But he didn't? Instead he continued, your breath caught in your throat, a choked whine leaving your lips and your fingers gripping his locks and pulling hard as you came all over his tongue. 

He continued even after your first orgasm, knowing you secretly loved the feeling of overstimulation. 

"Oh god." You let out a shaky breath as you continued to tug at his roots and began kicking your legs to tried and get away. He pulled back, a smirk on his face as he kicked off his jeans and boxers quickly and turned you over. 

"On your hands and knees now kitten." He ordered, and you quickly complied. Knowing he was going to fuck you hard and good, cum inside you like you wanted. There you were, on your hands and knees, as shaking for him to fuck you and your pussy red and on display for him. 

He placed his tip at your entrance, feeling your arousal fall quickly onto him. He didn't even give any warning before slamming himself inside you. The feeling causing you to wince slightly but moan at the same time. He began to thrust his hips hard and fast, making sure he was hitting the right spot for you both. 

His hips snapping and hitting your ass as he gripped the flesh on your sides tight. Not only thrusting into you but pushing your hips into him, the two meeting each other with each thrust. 

"Fuck! Oh my god Daddy." You said as his tip pressed against your g-spot, he made sure to try and hit that spot as much as he could, and he was doing a good job at it. His fingers dig into your skin more harshly now and he was thrusting as fast as he could. 

Your walls clenching and your new arousal causing him to be able to slip in and out quicker now. 

"Fuck I'm going to--" You tried to speak but were cut off when you came, BamBam still thrusting into you and finding his own orgasm. His hips snapping once more into you before stopping completely and sighing. 

The choked groan he let out was so beautiful in your ears and oh lived hearing the noise fall from his lips. 

"What a good little girl you've been so far. But that still doesn't mean you're off the hook kitten." He pulled out and you were confused. You took your punishment, he gave you thirty-five spanks isn't that enough? 

"You missed me that much you went into the playroom without permission, grabbed and vibrator and played with yourself with out permission." He said and you didn't move or say anything. Knowing he might give you more spankings if you did. 

"You want to cum so badly?" He asked and then you heard it. The same buzzing noise of the pink vibrator you used before being turned on to the medium setting.  

"So be it." And that's when you yelped, he placed it directly to your clit causing you to jump slightly at the contact. Your eyes squeezed shut as you tried moving back and forth to find the spot you wanted for it to sit at. But he held you still. 

"You're so beautiful baby, but a naughty girl too." He said turning it up to the highest setting. You let out a loud moan, head thrown back and your legs once again shaking with another orgasm coming along. 

"You're going to cum again? So soon?" You didn't even bite back or anything, instead you cried out and came. Your juices slipping out of your holes and coating your lips so easily. He didn't stop, turn it off or pull the toy away. 

"Stop, please stop I can't." You pleaded, this time the overstimulation painful and you could feel that same feeling you have with each organs except this time ten times stronger. You were almost screaming, hands gripping the sheets as tight as they can. 

Your knuckles white as your new juices coated the toy and his hand. You had made a mess, this wasn't the first time and you knew this wouldn't be the last. 

"Did you just squirt?" He asked, you bit down on your lip and let out a sigh of relief when he pulled the toy away from you and you fell onto the mattress. Your legs still slightly shaking and your body relieved from the sexual frustration. 

"Kitten I let you cum three time but I never gave you permission to squirt." He said darkly, you clamped your legs shut, knowing you can't take anymore now. You were too sore and worn out that you couldn't do anything else. 

"But...you have been such a good girl and managed to hold out for a week. Which was better than last time. So, I'll let it slide just this once baby girl." He said, his face softening as he laid down next to you and pulled you into him more. 

"You did so well for Daddy tonight baby. I missed you so much." He whispered, kissing your temple. 

"I missed you too. I don't like it when you go away. It's so quiet and I feel so alone." You said, your tone sounding sadder than you intended. 

"I know baby, but don't worry. I won't be going anywhere too soon." He said before he began to pepper your face with kisses causing you to giggle.

Smut Game - OPEN

Smut Game NOTICE

[shrugman]

all of them ily facetime me

I’m half a bottle of wine in so this is the perfect time to answer this

1. Name: Michelle Bair

2. Birthplace: some airforce base in virginia 

3. Ancestry: general European, Scottish, and Native American

4. Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

5. Biggest fear: Abandonment 

6. Strength/Weakness: For the most part I’m pretty honest / I can’t make decisions if they impact other people

7. Worst habit: braiding and unbraiding my hair / shaking my leg

8. Favorite holiday: Halloween  

9. Ever been in a car crash: thankfully, no

10. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher: Paul omg

11. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house: drop whatever bag I’m holding

12. Age at first kiss: 14? Idk whatever the second half of 8th grade was

13. When did you fall in love for the first time: when I was 15

14. Who Is Your Longest Friend & How Long: Stephanie is my ride or die for like 11 years. Like literally I’d die without her I love her so much 

15. Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: pump that GPA up a bit

16. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying (failing) to sleep

17. When was the last time you laughed hard: earlier when I was telling Stephanie a story about my dad

18. Who was the last person that told you they love you: My dad 

19. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up yesterday morning: idk man probably a generic sound of unhappy

20. Where did you go for your first date and who was it with: I don’t even know because like what actually counts as a date?

21. Who’s wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen: never happened

22. Who did you see in concert first: Jimmy Buffet I shit you not

23. Who was your favorite teacher: Paul

24. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day: I text Stephanie 

25. Who do you think about most: probably Stephanie 

26. Is your ideal occupation? Optometrist 

27. Beer, wine, or liquor? liquor 

28. Favourite restaurant?  Saizeriya (it’s in Japan)

29. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? Vanilla with cherry 

30. McDonlads or Burger King? McDonalds 

31. Fantasy dinner guest(s)? Kate McKinnon 

32. Have you ever been drunk? When was the last time? I’m like tipsy rn so? now? idk

33. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done drunk? honestly I don’t even known

34. Wonder Woman or Cat Woman? Wonder? idk

35. How many pets do you have? a single dog

36. What would be the first thing you bought if you won the lottery? idk something stupid like some cheese 

37. When was the first time you smoked? Like a cigarette? Never. Weed? Sometime last fall when I went camping 

38. Who last sent you a text? Stephanie 

39. Who did you last send a text to? Stephanie lmao 

40. What 4 things would you take to a desert island? i’d just die

41. Name the 3 most important people in your life? Shit this is hard because like obviously Stephanie but also my family and there are 4 people in that and I can’t pick whos the most important out of them so 

42. Favorite song? I honestly don’t know

43. Favorite movie? Heathers 

44. When did you last cuddle someone? fuck idk like late march early april?

45. When did you last have sex? see above

46. If you woke up tomorrow with no fear, what would you do first? probably either jump off a roof or tell my dad I’m into girls

47. What was your biggest worry five years ago, do you still feel the same about it at this minute? Abandonment, yes. Constantly 

48. If you could change one law of your country, what would it be? There are way to many fucked up things to even choose 

49. What relationships have ended? But you can’t let go? Idk there was one that at first I couldn’t let go but now I can so?

50. Where would you take a road trip? Albuquerque 

51. How do Mondays feel for you? during the summer, whatever. During the year, like i put a vacuum on my face 

52. If you could spend ten minutes with your ‘hero’ alive or dead what would you ask them? Omg Stephanie how did you get to Germany 

53. Do your practice ‘self love’ or ‘self loathing’? a weird combo of both tbh

54. What’s your greatest achievement to date? Idk I guess getting into JMU is p good 

55. What scares you about your future? That I won’t’ do well enough to get into Optometry school 

56. Why does pizza come in a square box? easier to transport 

57. What would happen if you knew you could not fail? so many things 

58. How does it feel to be photographed? sometimes I hate it but i like being able to look back on the moments 

59. If you could erase an event from your mind, which one would you choose? oh god... maybe seeing my dad cry while I went through security out of Japan for the last time 

60. Do you want your children (if you have any) to be ‘just like you’? No. I want my children to be better than me in every way so that once I’ve taught them all I know they can then teach me what they’ve learned 

61. Do you stand for what you believe in or are you pleasing others? I try to stand for it 

62. If money were no concern, what would you do for the rest of your life? If I had the talent, be a stage actor 

63. What are you thankful for, this moment? That surgery went well yesterday 

64. Do you have same sex fantasies? Well I mean, yeah 

65. If you have had sex in a public place, where? a pool locker room 

66. Have you ever cried during/after sex? nope

67. Who is the oldest person you’ve had sex with? Dylan

68. Who is the youngest person you’ve had sex with? Tori

69. Would you rather be in a relationship with a totally submissive partner or a totally dominant partner? Dom

70. How tall are you? 5′10

71. How much do you weigh? 144 which I was hype about because the last time I’d checked I was 150

72. What color is your hair naturally?  like dirty blondeish?

73. What size jeans do you wear? 8 I think but idk

74. What is your favorite color to wear?   black

75. Do you have any piercings?    just ears

76. Do you have any tattoos?    no

77. Do you care how other people see you?    I mean yeah

78. Do you like sports?  I love ballet but other than that no 

79. How do you feel about age differences in relationships?  It depends. Like below 25 if you have more than a few years I’m iffy, but the older you are the more lenient I am 

80. How do you feel about race differences in relationships?    idgaf

81. Do you believe in karma or fate?    yeah

82. Do you keep a journal? no   

83. Describe the last dream you remember: I can’t remember a recent one 

84. Describe your favorite dream: Don’t really have one

85. Where are some places you would like to visit? Canada, South America, Paris, etc   

86. Any upcoming concerts you want to attend? Paramore and Halsey but I’m too stressed about money to buy tickets 

87. What music do you listen to when you are happy? BTR and early 2000s songs rn

88. What music do you listen to when you are mad?  Breakup songs. I have a playlist

89. Do you like to burn candles or incense? Candles, yes

90. What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Wine

91. What are your favorite alcoholic beverages? I like sex on the beaches and vodka mixed with cranberry juice 

92. Do you smoke cigarettes or cigars? What about marijuana? no cigarettes or cigars. Tried weed twice but it didn’t work 

93. Who is your number 1 friend and why is he or she there? Stephanie becuase she’s always there for me and when everything in my life is falling apart she’s always my rock and I just love her so much 

94. Has anyone ever mistaken you for a family member? I don’t know what this means

95. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with? Of my current friends? Nah I don’t think so

96. Would you ever have sex in the shower or the bath? I DON’T WANT TO DIE

97. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex? yeah

98. Do you think your last ex still wants to be with you? //actual// ex? idk maybe 

99. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? been there, done that

100. What are your outlooks on gay/bisexual people? dude

101. How often do you brush your teeth? twice a day

102. How often do you shower?  When was the last time you had a shower? I try to shower every day. I just took a bath and then washed my hair with the shower head

103. How often do you shave your legs?  rarely lmao

104. Political affiliation? dude

105. Opinion on abortion? duDE

106. Opinion on immigrants/ immigration reform? dUDE

107. Should prostitution be legalized? honestly I don’t know enough to say

108. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? wtf kind of meta

109. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do? it’s easier that way

110. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world? just like... make everyone stop hating everyone else so much

111. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich? acting

112. Would you break the law to save a loved one? 100%

113. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why? well technically I live in both Germany and America so this question is too complex

114. Why are you the person you are? what

115. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend? I try but I’ve had slipups

116. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars? bc ppl suc

117. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you? I’‘d probably be a lot more outgoing 

118. Were you happy when you woke up today? no

119. What’s a fact about the last person who text messaged you? Well my mom just texted me and she really liked turtles 

120. Want someone back in your life? At times, but then I remember they’re gone for a reason 

121. What are you excited for? PRAGUE

122. Are you scared to fall in love? sometimes 

123. When is your next road trip?idk

124. What was the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? told stephanie I love her

125. Do you like to cuddle? yeh

126. Have you ever kissed more than one person in 24 hours? maybe? idk

127. Plans for tomorrow? we’re going to see castles 

128. Do you care too much/not at all/just enough? too much

129. How is life going for you right now? :/

130. If you were offered a shot of whiskey right this second, would you accept? yep

131. This time last year, can you remember who you liked? tori

132. Could you stay in the same relationship for over a year? I mean I never have, but I think I could if the military would butt out 

133. If you could have one super power what would it be? transformation 

134. Background on your cell phone? the lockscreen is a gradient from purple to pink and the background is Tyler on a piano 

135. What are you thinking about right this second? these questions 

136. Last book you read? How was it? I Wrote This For You. made me cry. I loved it 

137. What is the last thing you bought? coffee at the airport 

138. Do you live with your parents? during holidays 

139. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? no

140. Have you ever met a celebrity? not like A-list

141. What are you like when you’re drunk?  super giggly 

142. What are you like when you’re high? idk

143. Do you want children? yeah

144. Do you want a church wedding? no

145. How many pillows do you sleep with? as many as I can 

146. Have you ever been scuba diving? nope 

147. Who was your first real crush? this guy Matt in 4th grade lmao

148. What are you allergic to? grass and pollen 

149. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? rn I like the name Vita but ask again in like 3 months 

150. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? Girl just because I feel like I’d be able to raise her better 

151. How did you get your name? My sister pointed at my mom’s baby bump and was like “Michelle!” and they were like ok

152. Name one thing about your body you love? my cheek bones 

153. What is your biggest goal in life? be happy. Like fully

154. Do you still have feelings for your ex? nah

155. Do you think aliens are real? YES

156. What age did you start drinking? my first drink was at 14 but I started like regulatory drinking at 17 

157. What do you think of President Obama? YES

158. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? nah

159. Describe your dream girl/guy? idk

160. Story of your first kiss? we were at a park 

161. Story of the first time you made out with someone? same as ^

162. Story of the first time you had sex? I went over to her house while her parents were at work 

163. When did you first have sex? when I was 18

164. First time you gave/ received oral sex? ^

165. Do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? nope

167. Favorite fictional character (movie, book, tv show)? Holtzman

168. How many followers do you have on tumblr? What about twitter/ instagram? 44/87/19

169. Are you friend with your parents on Facebook? yeah

170. First time you thought you were in love? When did you realize that you weren’t actually in love with that person? 14, when we broke up and I realized I was confusing a crush for love 

171. Do you talk to yourself? wayyyy too much 

172. How old will you be on your next birthday? 20

173. How did you meet the last person you kissed? tinder 

174. Do you have any hickies? not rn

175. Turn ons? being confident without being cocky 

176. Turn offs? acting like you’re entitled to me

177. What qualities did you get from your mom? petty, creative 

178. What qualities did you get from your dad? idiot, hard working 

179. How many siblings do you have? 1

180. Have you ever taken anyone’s virginity? yeah

that took so long omg. ily