#this is like the a billionth damn time it has broken on me!!!!!!

[lynxalon]

GUYS 😭😭😭 I TURNED ON THE SHOWER. THE DAMN FAUCET *FLEW* OFF EUEUEUEEUEUEU WHY DOES THIS SHOWER HATE MEEEEEEEEEEE

[xlovelyyoongix]

wedding dress | myg

*I do not own this gif* 

summary: it didn't matter how much you loved yoongi, you were still obligated to take another man’s hand in marriage, and sadly, Yoongi had to watch. 

pairing: yoongi x f. reader. 18+

word count: 3674

genre: Vanilla smut, fluff, angst, (sad boy Yoongi) -gosh, why do I always put my mans through such a hard time-

warnings: penetrative sex (literally the whole first part of the fic is vanilla smut) , adultery (but not what you think), jealousy, and cursing. (if you notice anything else I should add as a warning, please let me know)

a/n: I literally got this idea after listening to Taeyang's song Wedding Dress for the billionth time. If you've never heard that song..... Wtf, how have you never heard of Wedding Dress? It's such a k-pop classic, and you should listen to it while reading this, or listen to it before reading this... or may listen to it after if you're anything like me and struggle with multitasking *laughs awkwardly*.😅 Ummm, I'v rambled long enough, enjoy.  😊 

"Fuck~" Yoongi's throaty moan hisses into the shell of your ear. "I l-love you." His fingers intertwining with your very own as his hips thrust in and out of your sopping core, fucking you into the hotel mattress. "I love you so much,__" Sweat building across his porcelain skin, dumpling cheeks, a misty pink along with onyx orbs mixed with the sensation of infatuation and sexual desire.  

"Y...Yoon..." You don't have the strength to finish his name as waves of pleasure ripple throughout your body. "I-I love y-you, too" Your exhausted voice speaks in a whimper, squeezing onto his hands as a euphoric buildup tightens within your abdomen. "C-close." Your lips quiver, legs tightening around Yoongi's waist, pulling him in closer.  

"I-I know..." Yoongi's muscles start to weaken as your soaking walls begin to clench around his throbbing dick, teasing your nearing release. "You feel so good~" His mouth finds a place on your neck, nibbling and kissing the sensitive spots of your soft flesh. "Will you be a good girl and cum for me?" He smirks into the curve of your neck.

With your brows creasing together, lashes fluttering like butterfly wings and thighs quivering around Yoongi's waist, you were absolutely positive the steady buildup within your core would explode at any moment. "Y-yes." was all you could manage to muster.

"Good." Using his last ounce of strength, Yoongi repositions his hips at an angle he knew would send you to heaven. His length reaches deeper, scraping across your spongy surface and slamming into the moist wall of your cervix.  

"Shhhhit!" Your head knocks, nails digging into the skin of Yoongi's back. "You. Feel. So. Good. Don't. Stop." You whimper between the beat of Yoongi slamming into you, causing the headboard to aggressively bang into the wall. "G-gonna c-cum- AH!" With tears in your eyes, colors burst into your vision as your body explodes into a flatline of bliss.  

Slamming into you with one final thrust, your walls immediately tighten around Yoongi's girth. "FUCK!" Clamping his eyes shut, the rubber band feeling snaps within his core, releasing his hot strips of cum into the tip of the condom. With his tired body collapsing into the spot beside you, Yoongi is quick to dispose of the condom into the trashbin beside the mattress.

The two of you searching for air as you gaze into each other's eyes, lost in the paradise of love. You loved him, you truly loved Min Yoongi, and no man could ever capture your heart the way he has.  

You part your lips to speak, but the loud buzzing of your alarm interrupts you, signaling that the final hour was close at hand. You bit into your lip anxiously as you put a regretful silence to the ringing.

Yoongi's nostrils release a sigh. "You don't have to do this." His tender hand reaching out, brushing a loose strand of hair behind your ear. "Please don't do this." His once husk voice, now dipping in anguish.

"Yoongi..." You whisper his name in sorrow, witnessing the sadness within his broken eyes. God, how you wish you could give in, to be able to stay in his arms forever. To run away from all your family ties and responsibilities to be with the love of your life. Sadly, you knew it was nothing more than a fantasy, and there was no turning back. "I love you so much... b-but."

"Tch!" Yoongi smacks his teeth with a grunt, dismissing your further statement. He pulls himself from the mattress, gathering his clothes that were scattered across the floor. "For once in your life,__, can't you make a decision for yourself and not give a damn what your family thinks?" Yoongi spits back, sliding his legs into his jeans.

Frustrated that Yoongi would choose now of all times to have this conversation with you, you roll your eyes with attitude. "For the thousandth time, Yoongi," You yank yourself up in bed, pulling your shirt over your head. "there isn't anything I can do!" Your hands slap into the comforter out of aggravation.

"Yes, there is." Yoongi shakes his head, tossing his shirt over his body. "You could not marry him. That's what you could do." He snaps back. "If you really love me, you would just leave with me."

Your swollen lips tighten into a line, nostrils flaring. "Don't do that... you know I love you, Yoongi." You're disappointed at the fact he would even throw that in your face at a time like this.

Yoongi's thick brows furrow together, provokingly. "And yet, you're marrying another man." He shrugs his shoulders a-matter-a-factly. "Do you think I'm just gonna sneak around and climb into your bedroom window at night, fucking you while your husband is in the other room, huh?"

Frustrated by your lover's choice of words, your fingers rub at your temples, hoping to relieve the stress. "You knew this would happen...you knew I was arranged to be married. This is what you signed up for-..."

"BULLSHIT!" Yoongi's harsh voice challenges back. He took a moment to catch himself, never being the type to raise his voice, especially at you. He inhales a breath before releasing it slowly. "You said you would find a way out of it, __. That you wouldn't marry him." His jet eyes cut to yours once again.

"I said, I would TRY to find a way out of this marriage. I never promised you that I would." You couldn't believe the two of you were fighting at a time like this. You'd rather spend your last moments as a free woman, wrapped in Yoongi’s embrace instead of arguing over something that can't be controlled. "And I did try! I tried everything I possibly could, but my parents need me to marry him. There isn't any other way..." Your voice starts to crack as the emotions ripple throughout your body. "T-this is hard on me, too, ya know." You break, a tear slipping down the round of your cheek as you remember in 3 hours, you'll be married to a man you barely knew.

Yoongi was silent, the hands at his sides balling into fists as he attempted to gather his thoughts and emotions.

Opening your mouth to console your lover, you're interrupted by a knock on the door. You flinch at the sound, afraid that someone would catch Yoongi in your bedroom, which would ruin the entire plan your family had in place for today.

"__, it's me, Alex." A female voice speaks from the other side.

You release a sigh of relief in hearing your best friend's voice. "Come in, Alex." You announce, straightening yourself in bed.

You hear the living room door creak open, soon the slender frame of your best friend steps into your bedroom. Her black hair styled in a neat top bun, natural makeup designed across her honey face, and carrying her maid of honor dress across her arms. "Jungkook is keeping guard of the hallways, making sure no one sees Yoongi leaving the room." She sends a nod towards the male, signaling it was his time to exit.  

"Fine." Was all Yoongi could manage to say as he gathered the rest of his belongings.

Your eyes follow his every move, somberly. "Y-Yoongi, I ..." Your heart aches, knowing this would be the last time you'll see Yoongi as a free woman. You want to hold him, kiss him, tell him that no matter what happens, he will be the only man that will ever reside in your heart.

Pretending not to hear you, Yoongi brushes past you as if you didn't exist, heading out the door. "I'll see you at the wedding," He says before leaving, never once looking back. He didn't have the strength to.  

The aching in your chest tightens, and your throat becomes rasp, warm tears streaming from your eyes. You hated this. Absolutely hated this, the fact you were getting married to a stranger, but mostly, the fact that you were the cause of your lover's pain. How could you possibly manage the stress of it all?  

"Oh no,__. Don't cry." Alex whimpers in a pout, witnessing her best friend's dismay.  

Taking a breath, you rub the tears from your eyes, gathering your thoughts. You didn't have time to think, or feel emotion. Today was about business, and no matter how much you desperately wanted to chase after your lover to aid his wounded heart, you had an obligation to your family that needed to be fulfilled. "I'll be alright." You wipe your nose with the back of your sleeve. "Let's get ready for the wedding."

  Stepping into the chapel, raven-hair freshly washed, bowtie neatly in place around his white collar and a sleek black suit fitting around his frame, Yoongi chewed the inside of his lip anxiously. Observing the sea of people that call themself your family, all dressed in the most elegant fashion money could buy as they sit in pews of the church, gossiping amongst each other.

It was no secret that Yoongi despised your family, not only because of their petty political ties but because they were the ones responsible for this mess. Marrying you off to a man twice your age for their own powerful gain. "Fuckin' rich people." He mutters to himself.  

"Mr.Min, please get into position. The ceremony will begin shortly." One of the ushers pats Yoongi on the shoulder.

"Sure," He responds dryly, immediately regretting ever agreeing to be a part of the damn wedding in the first place.

Making his way through the sea of people, Yoongi overhears a conversation that makes his ears burn.

"Oh, isn't __ just the sweetest girl!" The elderly woman brags to her circle of friends. "My son, Andrew, promised me, grandchildren, as soon as the honeymoon is over." She giggles cheerfully. "I can't believe I'll finally get to be a grandmother!" Her smile from ear to ear.

The very thought of a man touching you, loving you, and fucking a baby into you causes Yoongi's stomach to twist in disgust. Even though you were always promised to another, Yoongi thought that by the grace of God, you'd somehow end up with his last name. "I'll need a drink after this." He mumbles to himself, taking a seat on the white piano bench, cracking his knuckles to prepare for his performance.

 Time passes, and Andrew makes his way into the Chapple. His brown hair slick back, hazel eyes shimmering under the crystal lights, as his slender white suit fits around him handsomely. For being an older gentleman, Andrew was indeed a sight for sore eyes; however, Yoongi knew a man like that could never be your cup of tea.

The moment Andrew takes his place at the altar, the musical director signals Yoongi to start. His jet orbs roll callously, as his regretful fingers begin to dance across the keys of the grand piano. A part of Yoongi wondered, if he stopped playing and if the church didn't have any music, would that be enough to stop the wedding? Would that buy him enough time to find you, whisking you away in his broken-down car? "Tch.." Yoongi sucks in a breath. "As if that could happen." He mumbles, bringing himself back to reality.

Yoongi's eyes spot Alex in her maid of honor dress walking down the aisle with Jungkook at her side, the two split off as they make their way to the altar.

The moment that everyone is in place, the music director signals Yoongi to halt the piano. Yoongi's fingers come to a stop.

The wooden chapel doors creak open again. Your body steps out, sheer veil concealing your precious face, the sweetheart chest of the white wedding dress supports your breast elegantly, torso hugging into your shapely curves as the rest of your dress puffs out into a classic ball gown. Yoongi's lips hang ajar in disbelief, inhaling the essence of your beauty.

The music director signals him to play again.

His fingers dancing across the keys creating a happy tune despite the anguish pooling within his soul. Every step you took down the aisle, Yoongi felt a blow to his chest, as if his heart was being yanked from its strings. He immediately regrets getting upset with you in the last moments you had together, not giving you the proper goodbye you deserved. "I love you." He whispers into the air for no one but himself to hear.

Before taking your final step at the altar, your saddened eyes connect with Yoongi's onyx ones. You never thought you'd see the day Yoongi would ever wear a suit. You remember him expressing his hate for fancy clothing, explaining that they made him uncomfortable, how he'd rather be in a pair of sweats and a baggy T-shirt. Your lips curl with a giggle at the memory, the only thing bringing you happiness at that moment. "I love you, Yoongi." You whisper as the aching in your chest cried out for him.

Andrew interrupts your thoughts with a loud cough, signaling you to finally take your place at the altar.  

"O-Oh, right." You snap back to reality, lifting your dress to waltz up the step, taking your place in front of Andrew. Even though the man you would soon call your husband was now standing before you, you couldn't help but keep your eyes on the real love of your life, Yoongi.

"Let us begin in prayer." The music stops, and the priest standing between the two of you bows his head to speak the prayer. Of course, you aren't listening, his holy words slipping in one ear and out the other as you recall all the moments you've spent with Yoongi. Remembering the times he made you laugh, the times he dried your tears, how his beautiful hands would touch you as if you were the most delicate flower, how he'd make love to you. God, you wish Yoongi was the man standing in front of you, taking your hand in marriage.

"For once in your life,__, can't you make a decision for yourself and not give a damn what your family thinks?"

The words Yoongi fought back at you this morning, begin to replay in your mind. With regretful eyes, you glance over at your mother and father in the front row. Your mother with the biggest smile on her face and your father with broad shoulders, proud.

You can't falter now. You were doing this for your family. There was no turning back...right?

"I do." Andrew's vow interrupts your thoughts. His eyes shining, looking into you with admiration. Unlike yourself, Andrew wanted this wedding. He knew from the very moment he first laid eyes on you, he’d have you for a wife. So, using his power, he convinced your father for your hand in marriage, and in return, Andrew would fulfill his promise by tripling the profit of your father's company, leaving you without a say in the matter.  

"And do you,__, take Andrew Mathew, to be your lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold, threw sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?" The priest asks you, thick holy bible in hand.

Your heart drops, hands tightly gripping onto the fabric of your wedding dress. "I...I ah..." Your lips quiver and your throat grows dry. You don't want to marry Andrew. You don't want to start a life with someone you barely even knew. You wanted Yoongi. "Father, I..." You lift the veil from your face, your distressed eyes connecting with your father's confused ones. It was now or never. "Father, I'm so sorry, but I can't do this."

The entire congregation gasps in disbelief, gossip and whispers echo throughout the Chapple.

Yoongi's hooded eyes widened in shock at your words. Taking a stand from his seat, his vision is glued to you, curious to what your next move would be.

"W-wait, wait, wait..." Andrew chuckles, rubbing the stress away from his temples. "Your father promised I would be marrying you today." His lips curve arrogantly.

"I'm sorry, Andrew." Your tone drops apologetically. "But I can't marry you." Your brows crinkle together, lips forming into a frown, displaying your sincerest condolences to your now, ex-fiance.  

"No!" Andrew's robust voice shouts, aggressively grabbing onto your wrist to hold you in place "You will marry me,__ or the deal I have planned with your father is voided." He sneers through clenched teeth.  

With the thick vein forming in the corner of Andrew's head, face burning red, and nostrils flared, you now knew the kind of husband Andrew would be in a marriage, and you'd be damned if you ever let a man treat you that way. "I won't." You reply back with a confident attitude.

Andrew steps into your face with hostile force. "Tch. Why you..."

"Let her go."

Your heart thumps wildly as your ears pick up the familiar deep tone of voice. "Y-Yoongi?" you see him, his hand grabbing hold of Andrews's forearm, prompting your ex-fiance to release you from his tight grip.

Andrew chuckles wickedly. "Look what we have here. The help, telling me what to do." Andrew shoves a finger into Yoongi's chest, nudging him backward. "Do you even know who I am? How powerful my family name is?" He questions with a cocked brow.

Yoongi's expression remains stoic, unphased by the rich male’s threats. "I don't care who you are, but if you don't let my girlfriend go, we're going to have a problem." Yoongi's eyes cut dangerously, his jaw locking, as his hand balls into a fist at his side.

"Y-Yoongi..." You've never seen your lover with such a daring expression, but you knew he was serious.

For a moment, Andrew locks eyes with Yoongi, studying the flaming rage that danced behind his jet orbs. Despite the difference in weight and height between the two men, Andrew now knew it was best not to challenge the younger male. "Tch." The ex-fiance smacks his teeth, realizing his defeat. "She isn't even worth it. You can have her." He releases your wrist, brushing past the pastor. "The wedding is off, and the deal is canceled." He announces to your father before making his furious exit out of the Chapple.  

"__,!" Your father's loud voice yells out your name. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" He shouts, rushing to your side in a panic.

"Father, I'm so sorry," You begin with apologetic eyes. "But I won't marry someone that I don't love, just to make you happy." You finally find the courage to stand up to the man responsible for your birth. "The person that I love is Min Yoongi." You proudly say your boyfriend's name, taking hold of his hand.

Proud you were finally standing up for yourself, Yoongi's lips pulled into a smile, his fingers intertwining with your own.

"D-do you realize what you've done?!" Your father's spit flying through the air as he screamed.

Even with your father in such an enraged state, there was nothing you were afraid of so long as Yoongi stood by your side. "I do, actually." You give your lover's hand a firm squeeze. "This time, I'm choosing me." Despite the monstrous expression on your father's face, you smile.

You witness the muscles in your father's face move as he releases his clenched teeth, nostrils exhaling a heavy breath. "I..." Realizing what he has done, his eyes softened. "I'm sorry,__" The apology slipped from his lips remorsefully." I can't believe I was about to marry my daughter off to a man she barely knew." He shakes his head in disbelief of himself. "Can you ever forgive me?"  

"Oh father," Your brows creasing together, eyes softening at your father's digression. "Of course, I can forgive you." Overjoyed, your hands reach up, wrapping your arms around his neck as he pulls you into a tight embrace. "Thank you so much." You're nearly close to tears.  

Your father pats your back, savoring the moment the two of you were sharing together. "I'm sure this, Min Yoongi, is a bright, young man." He pulls away, now eyeing down the man you called your boyfriend. "You take care of my daughter now." His meaty index finger wags.

Yoongi chuckles because, of course, he would take care of you. "Yes, sir." He agrees.

Your father pats your shoulder. "Now the two of you get the hell outta here. From the way things turned out today, I have a mess that needs cleaning."  

You send your father one last smile before rushing off with Yoongi down the aisle. Members of your family shout, demanding an explanation, but the two of you laugh it all off, holding hands as you rush out of the church.

Finally, reaching the car, Yoongi opens the passenger side for you, providing you a hand as you step into his vehicle, gathering the tail of your wedding dress to fit into your lap. Once you're buckled in, Yoongi makes his way to the driver's side, slipping into the seat. "I may not be able to take you to Bora Bora, but I can still give you a honeymoon back at my place." He winks with a gummy smile.

You giggle at your boyfriend's words, somehow always able to bring a smile to your face. "It doesn't matter where in the world I am," You lean in, planting a kiss on his dumpling cheek. "My paradise is always with you."

Yoongi's onyx eyes find yours once again. "I don't know what I'd do without you." He gently cups your cheek into his hand, swiping his thumb across your delicate skin. "I love you, __." His heart flipping with joy that you were now free to love whoever you choose. Free to love him.

You nudge your cheek into Yoongi's palm, starry eyes gazing into your lover through the thicks of your lashes. There was no one else you'd rather give your heart to than the man in front of you. "I love you too, Min Yoongi."

[anthonyed]

Part 6: Nice Fingers

Relationship: Bucky / Tony, Bucky & Steve

It all comes to a full circle when Bucky ends up in the workshop with Tony cradling his hand in his.

Okay, stop.

Now, let's rewind.

What happened was, Bucky, ever confident in his safety inside the tower went about his own way one Friday morning.

You know, the usual:

He woke up with a scowl which blew into a sunny smile when he remembered there is Tony in this grey cloudy world.

Then he checked outside the window, asked Miss Fri what's new with the world, asked her what's new with Tony, how the bots are doing as he picked up a new set of clothes and walked into his bathroom.

Then he showered, brushed his teeth, did the do and stepped in front of the mirror. He admired his own hands which is weird but he's trying to like the things that Tony likes in him. So, there was that.

And that was when everything went bad.

Now, Tony glares at Steve and then at Bucky where he harrumphs and grumbles, "How old are you guys?"

"Clearly I'm older cause it's his stupid idea -,"

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know you were checking yourself out in the mirror."

"I JUST FINISHED SHOWER STEVIE. THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE DOES!"

"AND I OPENED THE DOOR JUST LIKE I DO EVERY -"

"NO. YOU DON'T. YOU WANTED TO PRANK ME!"

"WELL I'M SORRY I BROKE YOUR PINKY!"

Steve screams.

So loud that the bots scamper away and Tony is palming his face in shame.

"You're damn right you're sorry. You fucking broke my pinky." Bucky grumps.

"It's just a pinky. Tony'll fix it just fine." Steve says for the billionth time that day.

Bucky gives him the dirtiest look. "Fuck you." He spits.

"Alright kids," Tony puts a stop.

"Cap, you're gonna have to leave. I need our murder muffin to be as calm as possible for this and you're not helping."

Steve huffs, "It's not my fault that he's a child -"

"You say that again," Bucky dares, readying for another fight.

Tony pushes him back onto the chair and flicks a finger at Steve. "Out." He orders.

Bucky hears Steve grumble something too indecipherable under his breath to pick it up. "I'm gonna send that video to Sharon!" He yells after him anyway.

"I hate you!" Steve's bellow echoes in his leave.

"Children," Tony smacks his shoulder. "Both of you. And I thought Rhodey and I were worst."

"Whaddaya talking about? Jimmy and you are terrible." Bucky sniffs.

Tony gives him another glare before gathering his left hand and the tools for the job.

Bucky's familiar with this, so he relaxes in his seat and trusts Tony to fiddle with the plates and wires of his metal limb.

"He's lucky it's not my right hand," he says once Tony's slotting the plates back into their places.

Tony's curiosity is limited to a distracted hum and a mumbled, "Why?"

Bucky feels his cheeks warm up but he soldiers on. Three dates and counting, he tells himself. There's no shame in telling Tony about it.

"Because you like it," he says. Tries to play it cool and shrug it off.

But Tony looks up and the way he doesn't look away tells him that his attempt failed. His single quirked eyebrow is a non-verbal "Do I?" which makes Bucky's neck as red as Steve gets under the summer sun.

"You said 'nice fingers', remember?" Now that he's saying it aloud, he feels so ridiculous he wants dig a hole and bury himself 6ft under.

Tony tips his head right and waits. But Bucky has gotten nothing else to say.

The silence collects like winter flurries; a single layer and another and another when Tony inhales and asks;

"Do you really believe that any damage done to your being - fingers or whatever - is going to change the way I feel about you?"

His face is a vision of genuine curiosity. As if he couldn't believe what he had just heard from Bucky and would really like to understand him better.

Bucky, ashamed as he is, ducks his head but manages a gruff, "It won't look the same if it's broken."

Tony's soft snort is the only immediate response. Followed by more silence during which Tony slots the last of those metal plates in, wipes his hand clean and puts his tools away.

Then he taps Bucky's cheek twice until his grumpy boyfriend looks up and he tells him, "When I said 'nice fingers' I genuinely complimented the way they look."

His voice is steady and calm. Not like he's explaining but just having a mild conversation with Bucky.

At the same time, he picks up Bucky's right hand and starts tracing each finger with his index which is very distracting.

"They are. Very aesthetically pleasing," he smirks up at Bucky. Then his smirk flats out and he murmurs, "But they're also a part of you. So, I may have just micro-focused my liking of you onto your fingers."

"What?"

"Oh, you know," Tony bats off, "I may or may not have meant 'nice you'," he makes a vague circular motion in the air to encompass the entirety of Bucky's frame, "when I said 'nice fingers'."

"Micro-focusing," Tony continues, placing a distracted kiss on Bucky's hand before letting go. "You know how it gets after you've been obsessing over something or someone and you start zeroing in on tiny little things about them?"

Bucky runs those words a few times in his head. Just to make sure.

Tony gets half of his work desk clean in the meantime. And even manages to scold Dum-E for dropping the wrench.

"So you... don't like my fingers?" Bucky asks, face screwed up like he'd just tasted lemon.

Tony gives him a disappointed look, "I like your fingers just fine, sugarplum. I also like you."

Now, Bucky knows he's 100 years old. He also knows that he'd been a big ladies' man when he was younger and stupid-er. Now he's an ex-assassin and a recently appointed spider-terror.

But when he hears those words coming from Tony - and he's pretty sure Tony just admitted to obsessing over Bucky - no matter how he said it, it just splits his mouth so wide from one ear to another that it hurts.

"I like you too, Tony" he tells him. "The-microfocusing-level like."

He thinks he likes the shade of red Tony gets right then.

He also likes Tony's mouth; the way it splutters to form a reply but fails and the way his fingers fidget and oh!

Fingers.

Which reminds Bucky -

He takes Tony's hands and brings them up for a kiss.

"Nice fingers," he winks.

- end

[ripspaghet]

bff | 05

↳ series m.list | 00 | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 |

→ pairing: yoongi x reader

→ word count: 4,702

Prologue Summary; Your best friend's boyfriend takes an unhealthy interest in you and just as he shows up something from your past starts to creep up on you again. Could this strange and mysterious man have something to do with it? And should you trust him, or your instincts to run far, far away from him?

→ warnings: angst, swearing, alcohol, mentions of smut, cheating

The very next day the weather finally starts to lighten up. The sun is out with not a cloud in sight, although the air is still chilled. You've become eager to get back to your classes. After having Jimin take care of you a full day, you feel you might murder him. He's been teasing you constantly, trying to feed you like you a helpless baby, and let's just say you didn't really appreciate it. Still, you thank him several times over, promising to make it up to him, which he's sure to take full advantage of.

"Party? This weekend?"

You sigh, kicking a rock as you walk along the corridor, leading to your next class, "Why does it always have to be a party with you? You never even hang out with me when we go. You ditch me for those two idiots of yours."

"As I recall when you first met one of those idiots you called him hot and said you'd-"

"Okay!" Your panicked tone reaches an all-time high, not wishing to recall your first impression of a particular frat boy.

Jimin laughs at you and stops walking just before reaching the lecture hall, "So, you'll go with me?"

"As if I have a choice."

"Great! Tae said he-"

"____? I heard you were really sick." Mina approaches the two of you, her boyfriend not too far behind her, his eyes already fixed on you. Great.

You watch as he comes up closer to Mina, placing his arm around her waist and pulling her into him as his gaze bleeds into yours, "Glad to know you're feeling better, ____." 

His cold voice makes you shift your eyes away immediately, your face turning a shade of red that's starting to become all too familiar.

"Yes, I made her all better. Didn't I, honey?" Jimin leaned down and pressed a kiss to your cheek, which you respond to by pushing him away and slapping him on the chest.

"Don't put your lips anywhere near me."

He frowns and whines as you turn away from him, "Why? That's not what you told me to do yesterday."

"Are you drunk? Stop making stuff up and get to class." You don't bother turning around this time, heading into the lecture hall.

"Yah," You hear Mina slap Jimin, "what did you do to her?"

"Ah! S-stop hitting me! She's been like that since yesterday, it has nothing to do with me!"

The rest of the week carries on relatively fast, as you do nothing but study and go to your classes. Anytime Mina, Jimin, or anybody offers to hang out you decline. You haven't been in the mood and your reasoning was that same indecipherable feeling that still burned in your chest. Your nearest guess was that it had something to do with that damn piano Yoongi made you sit at, last Sunday. Bad memories resurfacing is enough to put anyone in this kind of mood, right? You can't even be bothered with the dozens of missed calls on your phone. You hadn't spoken to him in a year and you weren't about to break that record when simply seeing his name light up your phone filled you with dread.

"You're still coming?" Jimin raised an eyebrow at you, utterly surprised.

"I'm standing in front of you fully dressed and ready for a party and you're asking me if I'm bailing on you or not?"

"It's just, you haven't been in the brightest of moods this week. I thought, maybe you were having second thoughts."

You roll your eyes and push him out of the doorway so you can shut the door behind you and lock it. "Since when do you care if I have second thoughts about a party?"

"Since you don't seem okay," He whispers this time, a genuinely concerned expression dulling his features.

You put your arm around his and try to pull him along only to have him stop you, "I'm fine. Let's go have fun."

"Did someone break your heart, ____?"

You swivel your head back around, "What?"

"I don't know?" He scratched his head, "You seem so different lately. I mean you just said, 'Let's go have fun.' Normally, you hate being dragged to parties. You complain the whole time and ask me to take you home every five seconds."

You laugh and raise an eyebrow at the ridiculous assumption, "So, you think someone has broken my heart, simply because I'm taking your advice to have fun?"

"You-" He's cut off when your phone goes off. You pull it from your purse and quickly reject it.

"Telemarketers." You lie.

Looking at you seriously Jimin sighs, "I'm just worried. I don't want to take you to this party and you get super drunk and do something stupid cause you're sad." 

With a sigh and nod, you speak with an understanding ton, "I appreciate that you worry about me Minie, but I'm fine. I've just been stressed lately because of exams. I want to blow off some steam."

He looks at you hesitantly before nodding, not sure if he should believe you or not.

Jimin really is such a good friend. He genuinely cares so much, even for the smallest of things. But, despite what he thinks, this isn't your first time indulging in a party like this. Back when you were a freshman all you did was go to parties. Which is, for the most part, what made you hate them so much. You always did dumb things and alcohol didn't make your decision-making skills any better. You'd even started a pretty bad reputation for yourself, that you erased through the years of becoming a shut-in.

After arriving at the party Jimin led you to the drinks and the two of you had at least two full cups together before you decided you wanted to dance. The logical part of your brain was screaming to go home before doing something you'd regret, but that stinging feeling in your chest demanded it be fed and you didn't want to feel it anymore. You sure as hell didn't want to hear your anxiety ramping up because of it, so you drank just enough to null the noise.

You pull Jimin towards the dance floor, taking him by surprise, and making his drink sloshing in his cup, "Wait, I-"

"Since when does ____ dance?" A husky voice interrupts the two of you, making you turn your head, "Or know how to have fun for that matter?"

Tall, tanned, and handsome to the point of being downright beautiful, stood in the doorway of the kitchen watching you with an unreadable expression is Taehyung. You have to force your mouth shut to keep from gasping at the sight of him. Any other day, you'd duck your head and run at the sight of him - although, unfortunately for you - you've already consumed a hefty amount of alcohol.

"Whole new ____, right?" Jimin smiled, composing himself before patting your head and, to your surprise, making you jump.

"I'll say," Taehyung looks you up and down, "she's even dressed for the occasion."

"____, how about you go dancing with Taehyung? I promised Kookie I'd be his bodyguard tonight and I can't leave him hanging forever."

You glance up at Jimin then back at Taehyung. Again, under normal circumstances, you never in a million years would agree to dance with Taehyung, knowing damn well where it'd take you. You'd also be curious and confused as to why Jungkook would need a bodyguard, but - for like the billionth time - these weren't normal circumstances and all you did was nod.

"Just don't stay gone all night. You promised you wouldn't ditch me this time." 

Jimin laughs and pats your head endearingly again, "Sure thing, honey."

You reach up and pat Jimin on the cheek, returning the gesture by smiling brightly up at him. His eyes widen, not expecting you to return the teasing gesture, "Have fun, honey," 

"W-who are you?" Jimin's cheeks flush pink, but you only laugh before leaving him. You take Taehyung's arm in yours and he looks down at you with the same stunned expression, "Show me your best moves, Tae."

Excitement quickly replaces his awe and bubbling up in his eyes at this whole new side of you, "Yes, ma'am."

You pull him to the dance floor with you and once there you let your body do the talking as you move rhythmically to the best that vibrates through the house.

Taehyung just froze, his lips parting at the sight of you.

You're unable to contain a giggle at the sight of his dumbfounded expression, "What are you doing? Dance with me." You grab his hands and pull him to you, swaying your hips from side to side. 

Taehyung follows your instructions and begins moving with you, his hand moving to your hip as he leans in closer, "Since when are you not being a buzzkill?"

You pout your bottom lip at his use of words, "I'm not a buzzkill, I just haven't been in the mood up until now."

Taehyung laughs at your whiny response, his eyes falling on your lips, "You know? I never understood it before, but now it all makes sense."

"What does?"

"You and Jimin, I thought the two of you were complete opposites before and it didn't make any sense to me why he follows you around like a lost puppy." You move your hands up to his biceps and rest them on his shoulders. Your eyes urging him to continue, "The two of you are a lot more alike than I thought. You just bury it deep, while Jimin wears it on his sleeve."

You tilt your head, "And what exactly is it that I'm burying?"

"That thing that could get anyone into bed with you any time you want." He leans in, his deep voice sultry.

"Are you saying that only me and Jimin have that? You don't have it?"

"Well, obviously not. Otherwise, I would've had you in bed with me the day we met."

You shake your head and smirk at him. Might as well play along with him. "How do you know that it just doesn't work on me?"

"Tell me," He leaned in closer, "if Jimin were to seriously try fucking you - you wouldn't you be inclined to say yes?"

Your cheeks flush his use of words and the mere idea of them, but you laugh it off as the effects of alcohol starting to kick in, "Even if I were it would never be anything more than that, so I'd turn him down."

Taehyung pulls back, surprised, "Why?"

"Jimin is my best friend and like I said, sleeping with him would never be anything more than sleeping with him. I know that's the case for me, but I don't know if that's the case for Jimin. Whether he says it is or not, I couldn't trust what he says. If he felt differently, he would say whatever I wanted to hear, not the truth."

"Are you implying that he might fall for you? Because I think it's a bit too late for that." He chuckles and this time you roll your eyes.

"Me and Jimin find each other sexually attractive, but there's no romance. It's just friendship. People can easily mistake a great friendship for romance. I mean, even great sex can be misleading."

"So, what's the deal-breaker, huh? What is it that you and Jimin don't have?"

You stare at him for a moment, wondering to yourself why he's so interested in your relationship with Jimin before answering him, "There's no fire. No passion or pull between us."

His eyes flicker at your words, "You're not secretly in love with him and just pulling my leg, right?"

"What?" You burst into laughter, "Why is this so important to you?"

Taehyung's face stays serious as it flickers with something akin to lust, "____, when did you get so alluring? I thought you were an innocent virgin."

You try to bite back your laughter at his ridiculous statement and serious face. Surprisingly, he isn't all that good at flirting. His looks more than made up for what he's lacking though as his eyes have you leaning in closer. You put your lips next to his ear, your excuse being, so you wouldn't have to yell over the music, "I'm only alluring when I wanna allure someone, that doesn't make me a virgin."

"Really?" He put his other hand on the small of your back, "Does that mean you're trying to allure me right now?"

You frown, pulling away from him, "Trying?" 

His eyes turn dark at the loss of contact and he reaches to bring you back to him, but you only move further out of his reach, a smirk pulling up your lips, "If you want me, come and get me, Tae." 

He moves instantly, a smirk playing on his own lips as he follows you through the crowd of sweaty bodies until you're out of it and heading up the stairs of the frat house. You know exactly where you're leading him, but you weren't one to proudly admit you'd done this before. And if you were in your right mind right now you wouldn't be caught dead doing this again, especially with someone like Taehyung. Although, the closer your body gets to him the further the burning in your chest gets. It's fading into the background, just like you want.

You let him catch you at the top of the stairs and he wraps his arms around your waist, "What are you up to? Don't you know where these stairs lead?"

"I'm not sure. You wanna show me around?" You play dumb, preferring Taehyung not have any clue of your past endeavors.

He pushes you against the wall, hands roaming on your sides, "How drunk are you?"

"I've only had two or three drinks." Your breath catches in your throat when he lowers his mouth to your neck. Your hand moves to his hair and you close your eyes, savoring the way his teeth feel as they softly nip at you.

"So, you won't be mad if you wake up naked next to me in the morning?" 

You gasp as his tongue runs up the length of your neck, "I won't."

He hums softly in your ear before picking you up by your thighs, making it so you have to wrap your legs around his waist. He carries you to a nearby room and shuts the door behind him with his foot with - what appears to be - practiced ease. It doesn't bother you all too much though, seeing as you were only doing this to distract yourself, to begin with. You want all emotional baggage to be left at the door, or thrown out a window at this moment. You don't wanna think.

Taehyung drops you down onto the bed in the center of the room and you can't help but giggle as the force of the fall makes you bounce.

"Fuck," He smiles at you infectiously before lunging forward, his hands and lips devouring you, "you could easily make any man fall in love, ____."

A sharp throb stabs through your chest at his words, your smile falling as a distinct pair of dark eyes cross your mind. His hands move down your thighs and squeeze, pulling them apart to settle between them. Too lost in the remembrance of lingering stares and innocent touches, you don't even realize where your imagination has taken you as he presses his thigh against your core, coaxing a desperate moan out of you. Your eyes flutter shut as you let your arousal take over, pale fingertips run along your sides, his dark hair tickling your skin as he marks your neck, and his usual calm and gravelly voice growls as you mewl with desire.

"You sound so pretty." Just then his lips press to yours, his tongue running along your lower lip. 

Yoongi.

"Stop!" You push Taehyung off of you, panicked and breathless.

"What? What's wrong?" Taehyung sits up at the end of the bed on his knees, confused by the sudden rejection.

"I-I'm really sorry about this, but I need to go." You scramble off of the bed, fixing your clothes and hair.

Taehyung's quick to get up and follow after you, "Did I do something?"

"No, I-" You squeeze your eye's shut and shake your head in disbelief. Sure, you've fantasized about people before but never against your own will, let alone about your best friend's fucking boyfriend. "I'm not in the right head-space right now. I-" You pause glancing back at Taehyung, "You didn't do anything wrong."

He places his hand on your waist, "____, don't go. We don't have to do anything. We can just cuddle?"

"I need to go."

"What happened to you last night?! Why are people telling me they saw you going upstairs with Taehyung?! I never saw you for the rest of the night!" You wince pulling your phone away from your ear.

"I know, I'm sorry, okay? Could you stop yelling at me and let me explain?"

"Since when do you wanna fuck Taehyung?! I thought you hated him!"

"Jimin,"

"Alright, fine, let me hear your excuse."

"Last night I just wanted to have fun. It was nothing serious and I don't hate Taehyung. I just don't particularly like him or how he normally treats the girls he messes around with."

"Wha- You just wanted to have fun? Nothing serious? Where is the real ____ and what have you done with her?!" 

You roll your eyes, "I didn't even sleep with him. I walked out before things got that far."

"You walked out?" Jimin pauses, "Wait, why? What did he do?"

"He didn't do anything. I just-" Your eyes shift around your room nervously, "I wasn't as up for it as I thought I was."

He clicks his tongue, "____, the player. Never thought I'd see the day."

"Are we done now? I need to go."

"Go? It's Saturday. Where are you going? Oh, don't tell me you're going to finish the job!?"

"Goodbye, Jimin."

"No! Wait-"

You stand up from your bed after ending the call than walk over to your closet to sift through your clothes. You spend about thirty minutes doing that before groaning in frustration. What are you even doing? Normally, you'd just throw on the first thing you saw and head out the door.

You know what?

That is what you're doing.

You close your eyes and reach into your closet, grabbing the first thing you touch. This is fine, you tell yourself before shrugging off your pajamas and putting on the baggy hoodie with a pair of sweats. You then make your way back to your bed and grab your phone, you're heading to your door when you stop. You pull your hoodie up to your nose, smell it, and sigh before turning back around. It doesn't stink, in fact, it smells good, like freshly done laundry - but something about it annoys you and you refuse to leave with the boring smell.

Once you're finally satisfied you hurry out of your dorm and start in the direction of Yoongi's penthouse. So many factors are yelling at you to turn around and go back home, but you refuse to listen. Your pace even picks up as the tall building comes into view. 

Message from Min Yoongi-8:59am: Why are you so late??

You-9:05am: I'm here

You step out of the elevator, your nerves getting the better of you as you hesitate to knock on the door. You really shouldn't be here. You should be anywhere but here. As you're contemplating just turning around and leaving, the door swings open to reveal a very irritated Yoongi.

His hair is neatly combed through and shorter than when you last saw him, although it still hangs just slightly above his eyes.

"Why the hell are you so late?" His words are blunt, as usual, but that's not what makes you avoid his gaze. It's the images that pop into your head from last night that make you stare at your own two feet in petrifying embarrassment, thinking, maybe he can read your mind if you look at him.

"Sorry, I don't really have an excuse." Your voice comes out small, making it so Yoongi has to lean in to understand you.

He furrows his brow and sniffs the air as he does, then raises an eyebrow at you, "Is that perfume?"

Your eyes dart up to his face and you blink at him several times, "What?"

A smirk pulls up his lips, "Are you wearing perfume?"

"No! Why would I be wearing perfume?" You panic, confused as to how to respond to this.

"I don't know, you tell me?" He leans against his door frame and crosses his arms over his chest smugly. You can't help but let your gaze linger, finding everything he does far too attractive for someone who's supposed to be his girlfriend's best friend. 

You shift your eyes away from him shamefully with a frown and push past him, feeling your cheeks warm-up, "Can we just work on the song now that I'm here?"

Yoongi hums and turns around to face you, shutting the door as he does, "It smells nice. What is it? Vanilla?"

"J-just shut up." You walk away from him towards his couch to sit down before pulling out your laptop. 

"You know?" Yoongi startles you as he leans onto the back of the couch behind you, "You still haven't listened to that part on the piano I've been slaving away on." He speaks in that same condescending tone he used over the phone when you were sick, only this time it doesn't make your blood boil, it makes your stomach turn.

"I never said I wanted you to do that."

"You also never said you didn't, so I did." You feel Yoongi tapping his finger against the couch impatiently, a clear sign he's starting to get annoyed with you.

"Well, go play it." You bark back in a whiny manner, wanting the subject to just go away, "I'll hear it from here."

No, you wouldn't, you planned on covering your ears.

"____," Yoongi says your name firmly and your whole body goes rigid. Your imagination is running off with you again. Of all times, seriously? "stop acting childish. I need you to sing the part while I play, to get a good feel of how it will sound."

You shake your head, actual panic setting in as you finally stand back up, turning to face him, "No, I don't want the piano in the song."

"Why are you just now saying this? I've been working on this all week."

"I-I-" You frantically scour your brain for an alibi, "I just don't wanna!" You cringe at the stupid excuse and watch nervously as Yoongi narrows his eyes at you.

"Are you six years old? Come on," He starts to walk towards the hallway.

"I don't like the piano! Okay?! Can't you just leave it be!" You scream, the sheer terror you felt finally emerging in your voice and shocking Yoongi to a halt. Tears began streaming down your face rapidly. You probably looked ridiculous, crying over a damn piano, an object that couldn't even physically harm you, but you're unable to control your tears.

"____,"

You drop your laptop onto the couch and without saying a word you rush back around the couch and past Yoongi, heading for the door. Hoping he won't follow, you slam the door behind you just to hear it open again a second later. 

"____, stop!" You push the elevator button several times, urgently praying that it gets there soon while you try your best to quell your inner trauma, "We don't have to include the piano. I can find something else."  You stare blankly at the elevator doors, "Hey," He reaches for you, his hand landing on your shoulder. 

You jerk your arm away and when you speak it's barely above a whisper, "Just leave me alone."

He watches you for a moment before hesitantly bringing his hand up to your face, turning you to look at him. You let him wipe your tears before pushing his hand away, "Fine, I'll take the stairs."

He stops you, grabbing your wrist, "Are you seriously angry over a fucking piano? What's next? A harmonica?"

You let out a dry laugh, "Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"Alright," You yank your wrist away from him, "I'm done with this. Don't expect me to show up here anymore." You head ticks to the side before you turn on your heels to take the stairs, "I'd rather fail."

"Yah, ____!" You ignore him, but you can hear him following you just before his hand grabs yours, stopping you in your tracks again, "You-"

Your phone cuts him off, ringing loudly, and filling the thick air around the two of you. You pull your hand out of his, ignoring the way it makes your skin tingle. You reach into your pocket for your phone and reject the call, knowing exactly who it is without looking at the caller ID.

"Who was that?" Yoongi leans toward you, trying to get a peek at your phone, but you push him away by his chest.

"It's none of your business." 

He doesn't respond, his hard eyes just glancing down at the hand that's now against his chest. When Yoongi gets close to you - you can't think properly, so the further the better, but when he lifts his eyes back to yours, you realize that the physical contact is much worse than the lack of space. 

Your face blossoms with color and you quickly try to yank your hand away, recalling where your mind took you last night. Yoongi is quicker though as his fingers wrap around your wrist. You hold your breath, praying that he can't hear how loudly your heart is beating as his eyes bore into yours. All you can do is stare back, unable to move, say, or do anything. It's like he's a magnet and you're metal.

He moves in closer until you can feel his minty breath against your lips and you inhale sharply when his long fingers gently graze against your forearm. Unconsciously, your hand fist his shirt, your eye's still refusing to leave his intense ones as he begins to close the space between you, "Do you want me to stop?"

Your other hand moves up to his shoulder, gripping tightly as if willing yourself to push him away, but it's as if all your strength has left your body and you can't. His hand moves up to your jaw, his thump caressing your flushed skin, and your eyes flutter shut at the feeling. It's nothing like you'd imagined, completely different. He's way more intoxicating.

"If you want me to stop, all you have to do it say so." When his lips move you can almost feel them brush against yours from the close proximity - the space between you disappearing as his lips meet yours and any ounce of logical thought leaves you. You helplessly lean into his warmth and he hums in response. Heat pools in your stomach at the sound and your fingers move through his hair, nails softly grazing against his scalp. It's like the part of you that knows how wrong this is has evaporated. It isn't until his tongue swipes against your bottom lip that you feel yourself fall back to reality.

You pull away from him like you've been burned, noticing the tears brimming in your eyes only after the fact. The longer you look up at Yoongi the more hysterical you become. 

"I-" He stops, his eyes falling on your neck, "Where did those come from?"

"I-I need to leave." You push past him just as the elevator doors open, ignoring the simmering rage you caught in his voice as it made you feel like someone had just tugged on your heart.

"____-"

"You have a girlfriend, Yoongi!" Your second outburst of the day causes him to flinch and pull his hand away from your arm, "I'm leaving."

You want to throw up, bang your head against a wall, and reprimand yourself on how utterly stupid you are all at once. All you really do wis click the button for the first floor though, while avoiding looking back up at Yoongi.

"I'm sorry."

That's the last thing you hear before the doors close and the elevator begins carrying you down.

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a/n: plz go easy on me this is my first time attempting any form of smut and i had to rewrite it several times cause it made me a lil nervous 😖👉👈

@team-work-made-the-dream-work @seokchella @crackhead1-800 @chogiyeol-utopia @thatchampagnebitch  @jeonchan26

[slxyangel]

Let The Tables Turn (Duff McKagan x Reader)

Summary: The narration of a story full of broken promises and strong hopes.

Wordcount: 4k.

Warnings: Alcohol abuse, probably the most angst I’ve ever written, insecurities, really dark and dramatic shit.

A/N: This was informally requested by @holyjunkie a while ago, and it has been stting in my drabbles for like a month now, but since today it’s Duff’s birthday I thought it was the perfect oportunity. I’m really proud of the result and I hope you all enjoy it so much, let me know your thoughts :)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN || ASK ME FOR TAGS

Masterlist: https://slxyangel.tumblr.com/post/189625800403/masterlist

Your leg bounced up and down from its place on the stall. Really, really fast; really, really angry. The anxiety being there provoked you wouldn't wear off in the slightest with such an insignificant action, but you couldn’t bring yourself to stop. What the fuck were you doing there anyway?

The air was thick, the lights were red and the music and voices didn’t even let you hear your own thoughts. Though maybe it was for the better, because what good could you draw from them in that very moment? The club was jam-packed with people, but you were alone, sitting right next to the bar and waiting for Duff to show up from somewhere in there, get his ass in your car and go back home with you. Because at least that was the plan. Going to the damn party for less than an hour, saying hi to everyone, going back home and, like he profusely promised, celebrating your birthday as the law commands.

Because yeah, your birthday had been four days before, but not only he hadn’t spent a single minute of the day with you, but he had been too busy doing God knows what to even call you and wish you, the girl he had been living with for five months and dating for a year and a half, a happy birthday. Nah, instead you had to spend the whole day with no news from him, pacing around and going to bed worried about something serious having happened to him, only to then, at four in the morning of a Tuesday, wake up to the noise of destroyed furniture and his little whines. When you went downstairs with a fucking baseball bat in your hand, just in case you had to smash a burglar’s skull, what you found made your heart sink down to underground levels. Duff was there, on the floor of the kitchen, lights off, eyes unfocused, and the broken table table at his feet.

He was drunk. But he was not just drunk, he was completely fucking wasted. He was so drunk he couldn’t even stand on his own and needed the help of the table. In fact, he was so drunk he wasn’t even able to hold on to the table properly, so he ended up throwing it down with him. You hadn’t seen him or heard from him since Sunday, and you had spent your whole 23rd birthday worried in case something awful had happened to him, only to end up kneeling in the floor of the bathroom, holding his hair and your tears back.

The problem was that, lately, Duff was not Duff. He wasn’t the sweet, caring boy that would show up one day with a box of gingerbread with raisins and your favourite movie from the videoclub just because, in one occasion, he had heard you say you used to have gingerbread with raisins for breakfast when you were little. Or the guy who called to your home for eight days in a row while you were on a roadtrip and dealt with your sister telling him you actually were on a roadtrip, until the ninth day it was finally you who picked up the phone. Not anymore. The past few months had turned him into this irritating, troubled man who only opened his mouth to complain about you being a fucking killjoy because you didn’t want to have sex with him after he drank seven shots of vodka. It was the alcohol what had made that out of him, and it awakened demons in you that you didn’t wanna have to face.

But you held on. You held on for him, you held on for the love of your life and for all the stories you had built with him, you held on because you still had faith. Even when he was the way he wasn’t supposed to be, you still saw in his eyes the flick of shine that had dragged you towards him in the first place. You loved him so much it physically hurted, and seeing him like that was ripping apart a side of you you didn’t know you could miss so badly.

And it’s not like you hadn’t had conversations about it, man, you fucking had them. When he was not drunk, he was still easy to talk to, and he reasoned. One of the few mornings he woke up in your bed and wasn’t recovering from a night out and its subsequent hangover, you took advantage and, almost scared of his reaction, addressed the issue. And he understood, and he told you you were right, and he apologized, and he cried, and he made love to you, and he promised to try. And he also promised to be there on your birthday for a fucking picnic or a movie night or having lunch together at McDonalds, you really could not care less about the choice, because what really made you happy was that he was going to try. So you trusted, and you held on. But what did you hold on for? A broken table, a broken promise and a broken heart.

He immediately knew he had fucked up. His eyes, even behind the mist of alcohol, unmistakably told you so. But you really didn’t have the strength to talk about it in that moment, that would have cracked you. So you bit your lip, you put him to bed, left a glass of water and a pill in case he woke up before you did, and curled up next to him to try and get some sleep before the conversation that was inevitably going to happen the next morning. But the next morning the glass was empty, the pill gone and his side of the bed cold. He had left. And you couldn’t fucking understand why he would do that, not after what happened the night before.

You didn’t hear from him for almost three days after that. Again. He didn’t call, he didn’t show up, nothing, and if it wasn’t for the fact that all his clothes were still in your wardrobe you would have thought that he had finally left for good. But on Thursday night he called you.

-Babe… -- In your side of the line he only found silence, but he dared and started talking -- I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I don’t deserve to even have the chance to tell you this, but I am so, so sorry.

You still didn’t answer. You couldn’t, you had lost your vocal chords. You wanted to yell, you wanted to rip off the phone cable, you wanted to smash his skull against a corner, you wanted to kick the pieces of the table that still were there because you hadn’t had the courage to throw them away, because you had the feeling that they meant something. But instead you could only bring yourself to ask him:

-Why didn’t you call?

The sound of your voice was little more than a fine thread, but you couldn’t risk it. You couldn’t speak louder because then your voice would break, and if your voice broke you would immediately follow. And that couldn’t happen, not with him at the other side of the phone.

-Because I was ashamed--the answer left you frozen--.I was ashamed and I am ashamed. I can’t look at myself in the mirror, because what I see makes me sick. And I don’t mean on the outside, it’s the inside what I am talking about. It’s what I’m becoming, it’s what I’ve become, and it’s what I have done to you and what I will still do to you if I keep on going down this path. I’m fucking scared, and I don’t know what to do, but I really, really want this to go away. And this thread of the conversation has to stop, I have to cut it here because this is not about me being a victim, that’s a narrative I won’t use. It’s about me owning up to what I did, because I made a terrible mistake, and presenting solutions, not diving in the problems. And that’s why I want to tell you that tomorrow there is a thing.--He made a pause, testing the fields, but he went on after your expected silence--It’s a small thing, for the band, in a bar. I really have to go, they require me to. But when the other day I said I wanted to make it better I meant it, and I mean it now, I want to make it better. So, if you want, if you trust me, which I wouldn’t expect you to but I would be extremely thankful for, you can come. We will be there for less than an hour, shake a few hands, sign a few autographs, and then get the hell out of the place. And you could also not come if you don’t want to, I can go directly home right after my strictly necessary time in there has passed, but I thought it could be a good idea to show you that I can do better. Like… at a party… not a single drop of booze, nothing. I really only want to be with you. And then we can go home and watch a movie or have an indoor picnic, or McDonalds or I can’t care less. And, if you want, we’re going to fix the table. Will… will you come?

The silence that followed his words filled the line with screams. Screams that asked for forgiveness. Screams that longed for redemption. Screams that fought against screams to see which one would become the loudest one. But the silence still pierced your ears.

-Okay.

Your mouth betrayed your brain before you even had the time to puzzle the consequences your answer would surely have. It was done, quiet and broken, but done. Then, you heard him say the word “Yeah?”, exactly like that, with a question mark, as if he wanted to make sure what he had heard was not him hallucinating, but an actual agreement of you giving him he billionth chance he knew he didn’t deserve but was willing to fight for. You could have backed off then, you could have unsaid your words, but you didn’t. Instead, you nodded, because the knot in your throat was so tight you couldn’t make a sound. But he sensed your nod, and the next thing you heard was a whispered “I love you” and a click he really didn’t want to make, but he knew he had to.

You slid down, with your back against the wall, until you reached the floor, and you cried the bitter tears that were flooding your eyes. You were tired, and if there was one thing you had no doubt about, it’s that you didn’t want more hopes, because your experience tended to always find new ways to tell you that hopes never end up well. But the heart has reasons that reason does not understand.

_______________________________

That was it. You had just about had it. Two hours fooling around alone in there were more than enough, and the wait for your hopes to crash down yet again was making you sick, so why make it longer. What had to happen was going to happen, whether you had come here or not, whether you wanted it or not. That night on the phone, on the floor, you hadn't been wrong, and your guts knew it all the time. You can't trust a drunk. Especially not one that has proven to always find a method for getting his way, because he is used to it and, if he has seen his ways work, why would he fucking change them? Even if those ways are lying, drinking, apologizing and repeating the circle, which is visibly wrong even to his eyes. He was not going to suppress one single step of the process if it always ended up in him not having to suppress one element of the resolution, those being you and booze cohabiting in his life. But he had to learn. And not for you, not only for you, but for himself. If his life revolved around getting away with his downfall by always finding the most particular excuses, what was going to happen in the future? When that practice was so intricately integrated  with his life that he no longer would be able to tell apart one thing from the other? That was definitely something you didn't want to experience with him and you weren't willing to put up with through the years, but that didn't mean the perspective of Duff ending up like that didn't break your heart. So if you had to be the first one who threw a bucket of ice-cold reality in his face, you would do it. 

You downed the only fucking shot you allowed yourself to have that night, because leaving a life behind took a courage you didn't think you had, and, for God's sake, he was the one who was not supposed to drink, not you. Then, you grabbed your purse, you stood up, put the sequins of Duff's favourite red dress in place and made your way out. You didn't even bother to look for him, you had tried to when you first arrived there, but it was unsuccessful. All that you got were condescendent looks from the staff as if you were a groupie and not a glimpse of his blond hair or any of his bandmates. And it's not like he didn't have it easy to find you, you had been sitting at the bar the whole evening. If he knew you were going to be there, which happened to be the case, he should have moved his ass and looked for you. But of course he was busy shaking hands and raising his elbow.

The fresh air of the night was relieving. It was November, but in downtown Los Angeles it was never really cold. You breathed in and breathed out just once, and started walking to your car. But a voice amongst them all made its way to your ears, clear as light and choking you as always. You stopped in your tracks.

Duff's hand held yours from behind, as if he wanted to stop you from taking a step you were not taking anymore. You were still, you didn't turn around, you were splitting in half. You were going to leave, you finally were, but he had to show up in the last fucking minute and ruin your power of will. Goddamn prick.

-Babe…--his voice was all but firm. He sounded scared but, if your ears didn’t deceive you... --I didn't know you were here. I… I haven't seen you.

He was sober. Now you turned around and faced the cause of your ruin. He looked good. His hair was all over the place, as usual, and he was wearing a leather jacket you’ swear you had seen on Slash before. But he looked small. His six feet four of frame looked incredibly small and frail. His eyes were all around like he didn't dare look at you but he didn't know where else to look at. His bottom lip almost imperceptibly trembling in spite of the careful smile he was trying to keep. His hand was still holding yours, but the grip was very light, as if he was scared of losing you, but willing to let you go if that was what you wanted.

-Were you leaving?--your silence, yet again, was an eloquent enough answer to his question --Why?

His voice was so low, so close to a whisper that you almost didn't notice the crack that came with it. Now his eyes were on you, and you knew he was waiting for an answer other than silence.

-Because, after three days of not knowing about you, it seems to me that two hours alone in a bar you wanted me to come to are more than enough.

-But I didn't see you. 

-Well you should have looked for me.

-I did! I looked for you, I swear to God, but I couldn't find you. I… I thought you had regretted.

“I have, Duff, I have regretted. That's why I'm leaving”. But you didn't tell him. He looked like he was stepping along the thin line that limits defeat. His shoulders were down, his eyes were glossy, his breaths were shallow and he was no longer trying to contain his shaking lip behind a smile. Instead, he just looked at you. And he kept trying.

-We can leave. We can go, now. As I promised. I don't have to go back in there for shit, I'm just done. We can go home and talk or sleep or eat or whatever you want to do. Anything. It's fine for me, I only want you to…

-I'm tired--your voice interrupted his with all the weight of the words he never let you speak - I'm really tired, Duff. I'm tired of you telling me that it's going to be okay, that you are going to make it better only to then show up crawling across the hall because you can't stand on your feet. I'm tired of not knowing about you for increasingly longer periods and when I do it's only via someone who wants me to pick you up from some bar or some fucking corner. I'm tired of having to cling to happier memories of happier times and fight the dread that comes with knowing that I won't be making any more of them, all of this while I clean the mess you made the night before. I'm tired of going on and on with the same circus, all over again. And I'm tired of waking up on my own, worried about you, but I'm scared shitless that some day I might wake up without you and not worry anymore because that's just "the way things are", "he'll come back" or "he won't". I can't do this, Duff, I can't lift the weight I have on my shoulders, I'm not strong enough.

You deflated like a balloon. That was all you had, every word you had to say left your body with an ease you would have never expected. And not even then you felt relieved in the slightest. But how could you feel relieved after telling the love of your life that he is hurting you beyond the point of repair? That's not nice, that's not even cathartic. It just brings emptiness. The only thing you could cling to and that had kept you company for so long, as nasty as it was, all the hate, all the sadness, all the soreness were gone now. Where there used to be an unspoken "No, things are not going to get better", now there remained the same sentence, but said, stated, now it was a fact, now it was a reality. Unspoken meant hope, because although there was no affirmation, there was no negation, and to that you would hold on for dear life even if it was red hot metal. But once spoken? Hopes are gone. And at that point your life was only fueled by hopes. That was the only reason you went to that party, that was the reason you waited for him on your birthday, that was what kept you holding on for months; hopes. All of them based on unspoken words that were now gone.

And he looked just as speechless as you. If before he had been balancing above defeat, you could almost swear that, by now, he was down the pit. His eyes were fixed on you, as if that was the place they only ever wanted to stay in, but he was unsuccessfully trying so hard to fight their will to be exposed to you. The eyes are the doors to the soul, and now he was the most vulnerable he had ever been. He didn’t want to be vulnerable. He wanted to be okay, and stand tall and be there for you when you needed him, he wanted to play that role. And if he ever let himself be vulnerable it could only be under the protection that the certainty of your love and your presence gave him. But lately he had done everything backwards. He had let the alcohol take over his insecurities and he had closed the door to you. And you had restlessly called and knocked and smashed it, but he had ignored the noise, and now the noise was over. You were leaving, you were done with it, you were done with him, and he miserably knew he couldn’t blame you. But he couldn’t blame himself either. Because, yes, it had been fully and entirely his fault, but, as he had told you the night before, guilt was a narrative he wouldn’t let himself drown in, because one thing he had learned was that drowning in a negative feeling only sends you further down, and he could not afford that under any circumstance, not if he really wanted to change.

You saw him pat the pockets in his jacket with a nearly desperate face, looking for something he most definitely couldn’t find. Then he looked in his jean pockets and grabbed from them the thing he was looking for, whatever it was. He handed it to you like a last strand, with the expression of one who is waiting for a death row pardon but is unsure it’s gonna come. It was a round metallic piece, not much bigger than a coin and not much smaller than a medal. It was golden and heavy, and on one side it had an inscription that read “24 hours”. You turned it around to see the opposite side of it, and the letters “A. A.” greeted you.

-I know it’s not much. I know. It’s… This is not an apology. I don’t have one, no apology on Earth is valid for all of this. I just wanted to show you I mean it, I want to change, and want to get help and I’m getting it. It’s just one day, I went on Wednesday and then on Thursday they gave me this. I was going to give it to you at home, but now I don’t know if…

Your body crashed against his with such force you two almost lost balance and fell to the floor, but you genuinely wouldn’t have cared, you probably wouldn’t even have noticed. Your arms held him the tightest they physically could, and when he overcame the shock, his arms responded the same way. With your face buried in his chest, you hadn’t realized you had started crying, and your tears and your muffled sobs freely lost themselves in his clothes. He was not going to try, he was actually trying. This was far beyond a promise, this was an actual move for the first time in forever, this was the materialization of your hopes. You had spent so many hours and days and months unconsciously preparing yourself for the crash you sensed was gonna come, that you had forgotten that the chance of flying existed too. And it was indescribably better than you could have ever imagined. His lips whispered against your scalp the words that had made that long nightmare a bit less unbearable: “I love you, I love you, I love you”. It was not an “I’m gonna try”, because he was already trying and he didn’t have to tell you, you could see it now; it was not a “Thank you for a chance you are freely giving me”, because, unlike all the other times, today he was earning it. It was an “I love you for staying despite all the things I have put you through, I love you for trusting me, I love you for being so strong and I love you for having such capacity for pain but an always bigger capacity for love”. He loved you, and you loved him no matter what, but now more than ever. And, for the first time in ages, loving him didn’t hurt.

_________________

Tags:  @whisperess33 @agroupiewhore @ethereally-distorted​ @holyjunkie

[hobidreams]

Bloom Minis: I

things that fall: petals to soil. rain to earth. namjoon for you.

pairing: florist!namjoon x assassin!reader genre: bit of angst-tinged fluff words: 1.4k a/n: this is a drabble for Bloom from Namjoon’s POV. it contains heavy spoilers for the main fic! this is set right after the third meeting between Joon & Reader. yes. that one.

At the sound of the now-familiar shop door’s open, Namjoon’s head snaps up.

Excitement douses every crease of his instinctual grin, betraying the hope that blooms unabashedly in his chest. He’d been in the midst of trimming an arrangement, but the shears are dropped in his haste, needing to be at the front of the store without any more delay.

He wipes his hands on his apron, trying to catch a glimpse of his visitor as his feet slap against the floor. It hasn’t even been a day, but could it be…?

“Hey, it’s me!”

Jungkook’s bright voice filters through the ferns and florals as he enters, casually trendy in his oversized t-shirt and ripped jeans.

Namjoon tries his best not to look too disappointed. “Hey, Kook.”

“Wow. You look so much like an actual florist,” Jungkook laughs, eying Namjoon’s dirt-smeared clothes, the general sweatiness.

Namjoon raises his left eyebrow. “That’s kind of the point.” He turns to pick up a stray towel. He runs it over his face, mopping up some the sticky perspiration. “Are you still on duty?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

Nodding, Namjoon starts to walk towards the door behind the counter. “Then you know what to do.”

Jungkook spins the sign behind him to BE BACK IN 15mins. He flicks the lock, securing it with a quiet click. Namjoon has already disappeared into the backroom. When Jungkook joins his partner, he finds Namjoon sitting amongst computer screens in lieu of trees, the expensive monitors flickering with information or CCTV footage from the hidden cameras around the shop and its vicinity.

“So, this is about the report, yeah?”

Jungkook presses his lips together. “HQ read it this morning,” he confirms. “They’re... not happy.”

“As always.” Namjoon sighs. “I should’ve gone to give the debrief in person. Then I could’ve at least explained it better.”

“Yeah...”

“Damn it.”

“Your report did end kind of... abruptly. And you didn’t get much that can be used against the Nightingales.” Jungkook flicks his eyes to the computers. “Look, bottom line, they think you’re wasting this opportunity we have. With her.” He gestures with his chin at the screenshot blown up on screen. It’s taken from that very first meeting – your face, caught in a fascinated smile as Namjoon shared his billionth plant fact. Thankfully, Jungkook doesn’t question why it’s there. Either way, Namjoon doesn’t think he can explain.

The monitor beside that one holds information Namjoon has now read several hundred times over. They are what sparse facts the NIS could collect on you, your family, your life before your worlds entwined. But he’s long filled those icy fragments with what is unquantifiable in formal documentation: the fatally deep warmth in your eyes, the breaking lilt of your voice when you speak of those you love yet cannot save. After last night, he commits the honey of your whimpered bliss to his memory too.

With a cough, he wills himself to look away from your smile before he loses himself in it again. “It hasn’t even been two months. Don’t they understand that these things take time?” He sticks his tongue in his cheek, jaw set. “It was pure chance that we even met in the first place. We should take every precaution not to rush things and scare her off.” He wants to suggest it requires months, weeks, days; hell, even an hour longer, he would take.

“It was lucky, but it’s not producing many results right now. I’m sure it’s not your fault, but HQ doesn’t want to waste resources by leaving you here.”

If only you knew. “Makes sense.”

Jungkook flashes a light grin, letting the tough NIS agent exterior crack. “Plus, I miss working with you, partner.” Lazily, he makes to lean against a nearby table for half a second before he jerks away. “Ah, god, ouch!” He just lightly stabbed himself on a spike of an aloe plant.

“Hey, careful!” Namjoon’s rolling chair clatters as he lunges towards the plant, nearly knocking a few other pots over in the process. “That one already has a broken leaf!”

Jungkook leaps away with a wince. He carefully situates himself in an open area before he stares with his nose wrinkled at Namjoon, who is practically petting the succulent, making sure Jungkook didn’t uproot it with his jostling. “It’s just a plant.”

That earns Jungkook a glare. “They’re living things, just like you or me.” It takes Namjoon a full minute before he’s satisfied that the aloe hasn’t sustained any lasting trauma. (Jungkook rolls his eyes behind Namjoon’s back.) “Anyway. I miss you too, but I can’t leave. In case she comes back.”

“But you gave her your number.”

“I did, but she might drop by.” And I don’t want to miss it. “Or she’ll want to come over immediately like last night.” Oh. Fuck. Namjoon thinks the curse as soon as the words come out of his mouth, having not been able to staunch them in his focus on covering his emotions. The emotions he hasn’t yet dared to untangle, for fear of what might come out. Bringing up last night will only exacerbate that, complicate it by involving clueless Jungkook in the situation. Namjoon had hoped Jungkook wouldn’t ask about the night at all, but now he watches the younger man’s eyes harden.

“Speaking of which. Can you tell me what really happened last night?” Jungkook flexes his arms, the veins rippling. “I don’t think you just ‘talked and she left.’ That’s just bullshit you wrote for HQ, right?”

“No,” Namjoon replies, perhaps a bit too quickly. “No. It’s true.”

Jungkook just looks at him.

“It is!” Namjoon insists, but he’s much too aware that he and Jungkook have been friends for much too long for such a tactic. Still, he owes it to their partnership to at least try. “She just needed comforting, that’s all. Nothing happened between us. Just talk—”

“Hyung,” Jungkook interrupts with a murmur, his tone holding all the fragility of glass. Yet it’s still delicate enough for Namjoon to understand he is not speaking in a wholly professional capacity. “She’s an assassin.”

“I know.”

“A criminal.”

“Yes.”

“She’s killed people.”

“Well, so have we.”

And there it is. A fact neither of them can refute, nor do they want to acknowledge. It ushers in a silence that neither of them know how to break and so they let it seep through the space until it is suffocating.

“Look, Kook, I’ll stall with HQ somehow. I-I’ll figure it out. I need some time, that’s all. I know what we have to do.” Maybe if he says it enough times, his rebellious brain will finally behave. “We… We’ll get the Nightingales in the end.”

“Right.” Jungkook cards his fingers through his dark hair. “Okay. You’re right. We can do this.” He manages a smile, his prominent teeth peeking out just a bit. “I’m going to go then. Gotta report back.”

“Okay.”

Jungkook walks to the door, unlocks it. He can’t help but turn back one last time. “Hyung. Just... Be careful. Please?”

Namjoon nods even though his heart throbs in contradiction.

And when he is finally left alone with naught but the quiet hum of a distant bee, he turns his stare down at his hands.

He wants to be careful.

He wants so fiercely to stay focused on the task given to him and uphold the tenements of his vocation but all he can remember is the softness of your skin, the heat of your tears drawing rivulets down your cheeks that he could taste on your lips. Damn it all.

Namjoon breathes an extended exhale, collapsing back into his chair. His eyes search the computers, finding your picture on the screen with a misplaced urgency that does nothing to calm his poor heart. Here and now, Namjoon thinks he understands why succulents etiolate. Why they ruin themselves in such desperate reaching for the suffocating heat, the very light that burns scars into their petals, leaves them forever altered. And as he traces the beguiling curves of your smile with his gaze, a truth mires itself in his thoughts so easily it is as if it has always belonged there, as if it finds its home there.

It’s a truth that frightens him with how it overrides logic with instinct, reality with sordid fantasy. Mingling, building, finally culminating into an urge teeming with danger, yet he hurtles himself towards it anyway because he cannot seem to survive otherwise. The damning truth of it all: that he will do anything to hold you in his arms again.

[crystalwillow]

What The Future Holds – Oliver x F!MC

A/N: Another Oliver and female mc imagine. I do have ones with other characters planned, I just am in love with this man right now and refuse to shut up about him. He is in someway my poorly treated Tyril. He has potential for major character development and a great redemption arc but is being paid D-U-S-T!!

Anyway, I’m tagging @jaxsmutsuo & @greedy-choices in this because this idea was encouraged in my brain by the two lovelies  😊

 I hope you enjoy this my loves, as I will be taking a break from writing as frequently whilst I work a couple of other projects I have going on 😊

tyrilsnightbloom xo

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It was a little while after dinner and a few days since Charlie, Edward, Oliver, and you had witnessed Oliver’s Father murder Charlie’s father in cold blood and fled from the mansion where a ball was taking place. Thankfully this time round, Oliver was treating you all way nicer, and had given your crew their own cabins to sleep in, some of you had to bunk in with someone else, but you made do with what you had and thanked Oliver every chance you got. You were sitting with him in his cabin as he sat on the chair at his desk, face screwed up as his pen moved angrily across the paper in front of him. “Oliver. Could you at least try to relax your shoulders?” you asked him but like with your previous questions he ignored it and carried on writing furiously. “ARGH!” he shouted loudly as he screwed up what felt like the billionth piece of paper and threw it onto the floor with the others, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes and rubbing. You got up off his bed and walked over to him, massaging his shoulders, slowly feeling him relax into your touch as you worked out the knots in his neck and shoulders. “Damn. You’re really worked up huh?” you commented trying to start a conversation. “I witnessed my father murder a friend of my lover’s father. How could I not be worked up?” he snapped but immediately stood up turning to you and looking guilty. “Sorry.. I didn’t mean to snap at you like that. It was unca-“ he was apologizing when you cut him off with a kiss. “It’s okay Oliver. I understand.” You smiled softly and pulled him to his bed, ordering he lay down and rest. He discards half his clothes and gets comfortable on his bed, you covering him over. “What? You’re not joining me?” he asked with a smirk. “We both know if I did, you wouldn’t rest.” You smirked back, walking out of the room back out onto the deck. “Where’s the Lieutenant?” Officer Doyle asked as you stopped halfway across the deck, “I recommended he rest then clean up the paper he’s been throwing on his floor. The man’s... broken” you frowned. Doyle sharing your emotion comes over and places a gentle hand on your shoulder. “Are.. you okay?” he asked, and you shook your head. “Tis not me we need to be worried about. It’s Oliver and... and Charlie... she- she...” you stammered with a sniffle as a tear ran down your cheek. “We’ll make things right, Miss Bellamy. The admiral is a power-hungry fool and soon he will get his comeuppance.” He reassures with his face crumpled up in determination. You thank him for his kind words and reassurance then headed off to find Charlie. You were searching every room when you came across Edward, “Ah, Captain! Have you seen Charlie?” you called to him, but he shook his head sadly as he returned to rolling up ropes and storing them safely. You continued your search but returned to your own room to rest for a bit, but startled a little as you walked in. “Charlie.” You sighed thankfully and shut the door before taking a seat next to her on your bed. “I was looking everywhere for you. What brought you here?” you asked but she just shrugged. Her eyes bright red from tears and you could tell she was in an awfully fragile state. Without saying another word you scooped her into a warm hug, rubbing her back as she sobbed into your shoulder. She cried for hours, well into the night before finally hiccupping and coming to a stop as she fell asleep on your shoulder. Gently you removed her weapons, placing them on the side and tucked her into your bed before sneaking out to go up on the main deck and get some air.

You stood at the edge of the ship as you looked out over the waters, calming at the sound of the gentle waves mixed with the smell of salt on the air.  “Couldn’t sleep?” a voice sounded, scaring you a little. You turned your head to find Edward staring at the ocean, red rings circling his eyes. “No offence but you look scary in this light, from my angle.” You joked with a small chuckle. Edward chuckling too. “I keep having nightmares of my past, except... ‘tis not my past. Miss. Bellamy... I’m dreaming of what my life would be like had I stayed true to the admiral. I- I dream that I kill Charlie’s father..” He confesses as his voice breaks. Heart aching for his pain you walk over to him and give him a warm sibling like embrace, “But you aren’t that version of yourself Eddy. You’re not a monster. You’re a caring, kind and empathetic man who cares. You’re a beautiful person inside and out. Annoying at times but that’s why I call you brother. It’s how I think of you. I always will” you smile and kiss his cheek as a sister would to their brother. “You should go back to your bed and try to sleep though. Because seriously... red eyes are not a good look on you.” You chuckle and head towards Oliver’s chambers and knock politely. When there’s no answer you get worried given the state you left Oliver in earlier, so you try the door, finding it unlocked and quietly walk inside and close the door. When you turn around you gasp, covering your eyes and trying not to laugh. “UMMMM Oliver?” you ask, and he stands to attention by his bed looking equally as mortified with what you just walked in on, quickly pulling his clothes back on and clearing his throat to let you know he’s now decent. “I.... guess you like my music...” you grin as you swipe your phone up from his desk. “It’s um.... different.” He blushes. “You know from my time, what you were just doing is called twerking, though humans tend to do it ummm... clothed.” You commented causing him to blush even harder. “it did seem to hurt... a certain body part” Oliver humored. The two of you bursting out in laughter. “Well... I guess you’re feeling a little better?” you asked as you regained your composure. “Yeah.” Oliver smiled at you pulling you close by your belt loop. “Do you have any... slow songs?” he asked, voice low and raspy, eyes full of love as he stares deeply into your soul. “Um... let’s see...” you said as you scrolled through your brought music. “here. I like this one.” You smile as you put on a song called ‘Lights Down Low’ by an artist called MAX, Oliver taking your hands in his and slowly swaying in the middle of his room. Both of you smiling, feeling each other’s heartbeats, and feeling every tickling breath as you swayed in the dim light of his chambers, Oliver adding a few surprise spins in before pinning yo up against the wall and crashing his lips onto yours. The kiss filled with passion and love, the two of you kissing until you had no oxygen left in your lungs, pulling away from each other gasping for breath with matching small smiles as you look at each other. “I don’t know what the future holds for us Miss. Bellamy, but I sure hope you choose to stay here. I haven’t a clue what I’d do without you here now. I would be lying if I said it would be easy to find another love after you.” He rasps quietly. You looked into his eyes “I’d try to take you with me. If I absolutely had to go back to the future you know. I couldn’t leave you either. I’d rather die a cat lady.” You chuckled barely above a whisper. That night you blew out the last candle and got into bed with Oliver. It was a tight squeeze, but the closeness was welcomed mutually between the two of you, the moonlight falling over Oliver’s now sleepy resting form perfectly, as you closed your eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep, “Goodnight my travelling angel” Oliver whispered, kissing the crown of your head lightly before also falling asleep peacefully beside you.

[crystalelemental]

Alright folks, there’s a lot of leaks, and a lot to get through.  Bear with me, this is not going to be coherent.

Let’s start with my favorites, and the Pokemon I’ve considered using.  Hatterene!  Healer and Anticipation are garbage-ass abilities, in every way, shape, and form.  Thank god for Magic Bounce as a hidden ability, eh?  Not clear how we’ll even get Hidden Abilities, or if they’re available at all in this game, but that’s at least something for the poor creature.  Stats are...honestly really good.  57/90/95/136/103/29 (BST: 510).  I’m sure by now, everyone knows what I’m going to say.  Why is HP so low?  That’s almost certainly going to be a damning feature.  Gardevoir has better special bulk all-around than Hatterene.  All Hatterene has is better physical bulk, and for some reason a base 90 in Attack.  The hell is it going to do with that?  Should’ve shaved off 20-30 points from Attack and put it literally anywhere else.  The only thing it truly has over Gardevoir is higher special attack, and obscenely low speed for Trick Room abuse.  Which...Gardevoir runs a fantastic Scarf set with Trick, so it really depends what kind of speed control game you want to play.  They’ll both have unique roles to play, though, which is all I can ask for.  That said, I’m anticipating UU.  No Moonblast.  It really doesn’t learn anything useful for Singles.  It has Psychic naturally, thank god, and also packs Healing Wish, can learn Nuzzle through egg moves, and gets both Giga Drain and Mystical Fire through TMs, which...I kinda love that Mystical Fire is a TM, not gonna lie.  TRs give about nothing.  Psyshock, which it somehow doesn’t learn naturally because this game sucks at movepools, and Dark Pulse, which isn’t going to be too useful as it is.  All in all, it’s not bad, but lack of Moonblast or seriously good coverage options barring maybe Mystical Fire will be a hindrance.  Gigantamax may force it into OU.  God, I hope they consider Gigantamax forms separate from base forms...

Alcremie!  65/60/75/110/121/64 (BST: 495).  It’s about as stock standard a Fairy as any.  Oh, except it doesn’t learn Moonblast.  Yeah.  Apparently GameFreak’s solution to Fairy types being too strong, was to just not give the new Fairies any access to Moonblast, but still let it exist on everything else that already learned it.  So that’s...you know, that’s a choice.  A shitty, shitty choice for idiots.  But a choice.  Sweet Veil kinda sucks, only preventing sleep, while Aroma Veil continues to be better and shuts down things like Taunt.  It also learns Mystical Fire and Giga Drain, hysterically, as well as Psychic/Psyshock through TMs.  But still, no Moonblast.  Kind of damning.  Unless Moonblast received a nerf, this is honestly a slap in the face for these two.

Frosmoth!  70/65/60/125/90/65 (BST: 475).  Why?  Why is it so slow?  Yes, I know it gets Quiver Dance, but come on!  Shield Dust isn’t a great ability, but it’s not terrible.  Ice Scales, though?  Halves all damage taken from special attacks.  It’s like reverse Fur Coat.  Which...honestly, it’s going to be nuts.  That’s not just a halving of its obscene weakness to Fire, but a halving of all special moves.  Physical attacks will drop it like a real life moth being hit with a rock, but still.  It gets access to Defog, Quiver Dance, Bug Buzz, and Aurora Veil, but somehow only gets Blizzard and not Ice Beam.  It can learn Giga Drain and Air Slash through TM, and Ice Beam and Dazzling Gleam through TR.  All in all...frankly the best of the Pokemon I’d consider.  Yeah, weak physical bulk hurts, as does its slowness, but it comes with a solid base kit.  It does really need that hidden ability to work at all, though.  Without it, it’s...going to suck.  Royally.

Thievul!  70/58/58/87/92/90 (BST: 455).  To the shock of absolutely no one, it fucking sucks!  Go figure.  Run Away is useless, Unburden is only helpful if you actually have an attacking stat to work with, but Stakeout?  That’s...actually not too bad.  Pure Dark isn’t that good defensively though, so it’s not exactly scaring much out, but doubling the base power of moves against things that switch in is really nice.  That said, it didn’t save Gumshoos, and it won’t save Thievul.  All of its learned moveset is physical.  Because of course it is.  It learns Nasty Plot, but have fun using it with all nothing you learn.  TRs are the only options to teach it anything, and all it gets is Dark Pulse, Psychic, and Shadow Ball.  Considering Dark and Ghost hit the exact same types super-effectively, this is essentially a wash.  Not even Mystical Fire?  It’s a fox for fuck’s sake!  I guess it also has Grass Knot.  Oh, and Round!  Those will save the meta.  Fuck off.

Honestly, I’m done here.  There are others I’m interested in, but you get the picture: movesets this generation are absolute ass.  Which is extra shitty, considering many hyper-critical TMs are now relegated to TRs, which are Gen 1-4 TMs, where they’re single use and gone forever.  No confirmation on whether you can get more than one in a playthrough.  At best, it requires BP.  Which, if there’s no Mantine Surf equivalent, sucks ass.  At worst, they’re single-acquisition.  Which means if you have a team of Pokemon, and you want more than one to learn Earthquake?  Fuck you, play the other game in its entirety, teach nothing Earthquake, and trade over the TR.  God, this sucks.  But to really hammer home the point?  Coalossal.  It’s the final form of Rolycoly, a Rock/Fire type.  It’s a big behemoth thing, so you know, kind of a big deal since those are a fairly popular type, like Aggron and the like.  As a Rock type, it gets two Rock moves of potential value: Rock Slide, and Stone Edge.  Guess which one it learns naturally.  Trick question: neither.  It learns Rock Blast.  At level 54.  As the only Rock move it learns other than Smack Down.  And no, Skill Link is not a move it can learn.  It’s completely useless.  This is Gen 3 Aggron all over again.  Such a cool looking Pokemon that should kick all kinds of ass, and it learns exactly nothing of value.

The whole system of learning moves is entirely fucked if BP isn’t easily farmable.  All the most important moves are TRs now, and are therefore one-turn use.  TMs are mostly nonsense, with a few outrageous picks like Giga Drain and Air Slash allowed in for infinite reuse.  With movepools not making sense either, even Pokemon who should learn the moves naturally may not have access.  Moonblast seems like it takes a serious hit overall, especially with poor Hatterene and Alcremie.  I just...I hate it.

But hey, the meta must be fixed, right?  They said they’d be fixing it, so they must have succeeded just like the last two generations!  Yeah, it’s...it’s a shitshow.  Aside from the disaster that is movepool accessibility, which doesn’t simplify or impact the meta, just makes the acquisition of needed moves that much harder to access for no fucking reason, we also have disasters in the ability field as well!  Ice Scales is busted as hell, Ice Face seems to replenish each turn when Hail is active and takes physical hits as if there were a substitute, among others.  Then there’s Perish Body, which sounds like a great way to finally put a halt to physical sweepers using Dragon Dance and Swords Dance sets, is only on Cursola, who has...wow, 60 base HP and 50 base defense!  So knocked over by a light breeze.  Spectacular, so much for that working out.

Oh, but then there’s the other horrors.  Terrains are still in the game, folks.  That’s right, Surge abilities are here!  The Grass starter?  Yeah, Grassy Surge is its hidden ability.  The other terrains are just as available.  Psychic Surge is on both forms of Indeedee, which, while we’re here, which is which?  My guess is the female form is the one that loses power and speed for more bulk, making it objectively worse than its male counterpart, again, for like the billionth time they’ve made a male/female split on the same Pokemon.

But the worst, by far...is Libero.  The Scorbunny line’s hidden ability.  “Changes Pokemon’s type to the type of move it’s about to use.  Depending on when this goes into effect, this is a buffed Protean.  If it changes start of the turn, this is a straight upgrade.  Because now, even if you catch it off-guard with a Scarf or something, it’s just going to change type and you have no idea what to.  We’ve got Fire, Flying, Fighting, Psychic, Poison, Steel, and Normal as the best options with physical moves learned.  I’m sure someone can piece together the best possible combination of four moves to just never take super-effective damage ever.

This is what pisses me off.  The meta isn’t balanced.  At all.  It hasn’t even started and I can tell you that much.  You left all the broken tools in the game, under different forms.  Yes, the Tapu are gone, but the Terrains still exist and are just as devastating as always.  You got rid of Greninja, fantastic, but now Cinderace exists with the same broken ability, but possibly buffed, and with higher offensive stats.  You still gave a ton of new Pokemon the “Average across the board” treatment, or weaknesses in critical areas like Frosmoth’s low speed or Cursola’s low physical defense or Hatterene’s low HP, and they’re not going to perform well because of it.  Meanwhile others get to be obscene, like Cinderace or Dragapult with its 142 base speed.  And then there’s Thievul over here whose highest base stat is 92, so good fucking luck making that work.  You told me the dex removal was for balancing purposes, and this is what you deliver to me?  This literal shit?  I’m so irritated by this.  They’ll have to pull something really substantial off to make these Technical Records not feel like a severe step backwards in accessibility.

[stellalux-universe]

Without You

Summary: It was just a stupid fight, that's all it was. But when your passion runs as high as theirs does, sometimes that's all it takes to rip you apart. The real question is, are you brave enough to try again?

Hello!

This is my first Crüe fic and I was so excited to write it because I adore Tommy and Nikki together but then I started writing and what was supposed to be like 8,000 words max grew out of my control because it seems I'm incapable of writing anything short.

So what was the end result? Nearly 50 damn pages of angst and sadness and emotion. A little happy, fun stuff here and there too, but still!

In any case, a couple of things to know, this story is set in an au where hair metal is seeing it's heyday in the current year, so modern timeline and it is A/B/O because I have been dying to explore writing with omega!Tommy and alpha!Nikki. Hopefully I did it some justice. Also, the timeline skips back and forth between 2018 and 2019, all of the past is in italics just in case you miss the date change!

This is also posted on my AO3 under StellaLux if you would prefer to read it there! I just thought, “maybe some people are on tumblr but not AO3? What the hell, I’ll post it tumblr to get like 2 notes just for kicks!”

Enjoy!

~May 15th, 2019~

In retrospect, Tommy supposes that this entire situation was his own damn fault.

Not that he would ever say that out loud. Introspective contemplation of his past choices and mistakes have never really been his style. In his experience, such things only led to a tortured mind and put you into a depressive mood and that was definitely not his vibe. He couldn’t go back in time to change anything, so he may as well not worry about it anymore.

Even still, he has to admit that if he hadn’t been so bone dead tired a day ago after not only a photo shoot but also a reshoot on top of that because the fucking photographer hadn’t liked the fucking lighting, he probably wouldn’t be in this mess.

Because then, when Tom had called to beg him to attend this party for the band he had just signed, he would have had the wit to ask the most basic but important question, “Which band is it?”

But Zutaut had called him right after he had changed into his street clothes. Right after shooting from 5 in the fucking morning to 6 in the evening, when he was ready to go home, crawl into bed and not wake up for a full 24 hours. Tom was lucky he had even answered honestly. When his phone rang, Tommy had looked at it with nothing short of absolute disgust and had wanted so badly to just ignore him.

Tom Zutaut wasn’t a person that people had hard line opinions about. Despite having a cool job that usually got people’s attention, the newest producer at Elektra records was, to put it as nicely as possible, an absolute fucking bore. He was the epitome of a brown paper bag, plain and bland, the kind of person who was just… there. Tommy didn’t particularly like him, but he didn’t dislike him either.

Had Tom been anyone else, Tommy would have declined the call and continued unencumbered with his plan to get home as soon as possible to pass out. But it was Tom, and despite thinking the producer was probably the most yawn-inducing individual he had ever met, Tommy couldn’t ignore him and the reason was simple. Tommy owed Tom. He owed him a lot.

Tom had come into his life when Tommy was at his lowest; he had just broken up with the man that he was pretty sure was meant to be his mate, was forced to leave his new, fledgling band that he was in love with, and was living on a friend’s couch. Tom had seen him at a party one night and after talking for just a few minutes had gotten him a role as an extra in a music video. That cameo had caught the eye of an up and coming photographer and landed him his first photoshoot and that photoshoot had landed him a 5 year contract with a pretty big modeling company. It wasn’t necessarily what Tommy had envisioned for his life, but it paid the bills for a nice apartment, a nice car, and a fairly glamorous lifestyle so he couldn’t really complain.

And he couldn’t ignore Tom, who had put everything in motion for him.

~May 14th, 2019~

Tommy feels like crying when his phone rings. He’s so damn tired and he barely has enough in him to drive himself home, let alone entertain a conversation but the caller id says it’s Tom and despite not typically caring to follow the rules of social niceties, Tommy would feel bad about ignoring the other man who has helped him so much. So he picked up reluctantly and threw himself down into a chair in his stylist’s dressing room so he could at least sit through whatever banality that Zutaut had to throw at him.

“Hey Tom.”

“Tommy! You are exactly who I wanted to talk to!” Tom’s voice is higher than normal and overly happy. The tone is familiar to Tommy, it’s the tone the other man takes when he’s about to ask for a favor that he’s going to wheedle him into doing by throwing the fact that Tommy owes him in his face.

Tommy sighs, eyes drooping as he tapped the fingers of his right hand against his jean clad legs to a beat of a song in his head, “Yeah, I figured, you know, since it was me you called.”

Tom gives a nervous chuckle and when he speaks again, his words are stilted and hesitant like they always are when he tries to cash in his IOUs, “Yeah, I guess that’s true. Well, uhh, I kind of need a favor.”

“Uh huh.” Tommy responded, eyes falling shut against his will as he waited for Tom to continue.

“You see, I just signed this band, and it’s my first major signing and they’re going to be fucking awesome Tommy, like seriously, they’re going to be huge and they’re right up your alley. Like, for real Tommy, you would love them, they’re so cool-“

“Tom, please, for the love of god. I’m literally like a minute from fucking passing out here, please just tell me what you want.” Tommy interrupts as he gets up to start walking to his car. He’s not paying much attention anyway so he may as well multitask.

“Oh shit, yeah, you had a job today. Hope that went well, I saw that stuff you did for Gucci last season. I don’t know much about that stuff but you looked great-”

“TOM!” Tommy growls into the phone, startling some of the people in the hallway. Tommy waves an apologetic hand and flashes a smile and they laugh and shake their heads at him.

“Yeah, okay, so here’s the thing, we’re throwing them this signing party to celebrate and introduce them to other people at the company and I really need some cred with these guys Tommy, so they’ll respect me-”

“You got them a record deal Tom, that’s not enough for them to respect you?” He rolls his eyes as he pushes his way out of the back door, waving to the security guard and walking over to where he parked his car.

“These guys are crazy Tommy, the first time I sat down to talk to them, they had a woman underneath the table who tried to surprise blow me!”

Despite his exhaustion and the fact that he’s barely listening, Tommy snorts out a laugh at that because that’s fucking hilarious. Thinking about a straight laced guy like Zutaut in a situation like that… his reaction had probably been priceless. He gets exactly what Tom is getting at now. The type of wildness that comes with that kind of activity, those guys probably see Tom as a fucking doormat.

Which he is, but still.

“And what do you think I can do about this Tom?”

“Well, you see, I was thinking that if I show up at the party with a gorgeous omega model, maybe it will earn me a little bit of credibility.”

Tommy groans as he opens his car door and slides in. He could honestly probably afford a driver and right about now that sounded like heaven but there was something he absolutely adored about driving around LA and he didn’t want to give that up just to be boujee and lazy.

“So you want to use my looks and profession to make a good impression on some wild rock stars? I really don’t know how much of an impact I’ll have Tom.”

“Tommy. Seriously. Have you seen you? You’re literally one of the most attractive people I’ve ever seen and I work with a ton of attractive people. You literally just did a campaign with Gucci last season. You’re the perfect blend of ridiculously sexy and cool that these guys will appreciate! If I walked into the party with you on my arm, it’d be a good start to getting them to listen to me a little bit more.”

Tom’s voice is plaintive, almost whiny and the flattery would be nice if the beta didn’t say it in such a matter of fact way. That was part of the problem with Zutaut, Tommy thought. There wasn’t an ounce of passion in the man. Everything was a calculation, everything had a purpose, and Tommy’s attractiveness was just something to be used. It made him a fairly shrewd businessman and definitely contributed to why he was able to make producer at such a young age, but it was also the reason for the current predicament he was in. With his wild rock star clients not giving two shits about what he said because he was such a damn square.

Tommy starts the engine and there’s a brief pause in their conversation as his phone pairs with his car’s system and then Tom’s voice comes back, “Please Tommy. Last favor, I swear. We’re even-steven after this.”

That was familiar, Tommy’s pretty sure Zutaut has said that the last four times he has asked for favors. Still, it was just a party and Tommy was still a sucker for parties. And honestly, if it ended this conversation so Tommy could focus on driving himself home to sleep, he’d agree to anything.

“Fine.”

“Awesome! Thanks Tommy, this is going to help me so much, you have no idea. Try to look your best okay? Like total knockout. The party is on-”

Tommy sighs in frustration for what has to be the billionth time that day and cuts the beta off as he continues to prattle on, “I’m hanging up on you now Zutaut. I need to focus on driving so I don’t fall asleep at the wheel and crash. Just text me the damn details.”

And with that, Tommy presses end.

Tom texts him as soon as he hangs up to tell him that he would pick him up at 7pm the next night and to remind him in a completely blatant way to “dress up”. Tommy guesses that’s Zutaut’s way of asking him to dress slutty to appeal to a bunch of rock stars and he immediately regrets agreeing to go at all. Tom is generally annoying to be around for any extended length of time and it grates on his nerves when people treat him like he’s only worth having around to ‘look good’. It comes with the territory when your job is built around your physical appearance, but that doesn’t mean that the people in Tommy’s life should treat him as such and he certainly didn’t tolerate it when they did.

He feels better after he wakes up the next day a little after 1pm. He hadn’t even bothered to change when he had gotten home, had just shed his pants and collapsed into his bed, so he feels a little gross while he walks out of his bedroom in yesterday’s shirt and underwear to head to the kitchen to make coffee and get some food.

He pauses in the living room when his eyes catch the drum kit shining in the afternoon sun. It’s tucked away in the corner between two large windows, unassuming and gleaming in a way that pulls at his heart and makes his fingers twitch.

He hasn’t played in a year.

It’s tortuous sometimes. Drums are ingrained into his very being, as much a part of him as the blood that rushes through his veins when he’s hitting out a beat. He misses it with a severity that’s intense and all-encompassing but the pain he feels when he looks at the kit now dampens his desire until he can’t summon the will to pick up his sticks again.

He can barely remember back to the time when all he felt when he looked at his drum kit was joy and pride. It’s there, back behind the pain and the heartache and the sadness. A memory of a room and three other guys, hard hitting vocals, a shredding guitar, his own limbs heavy with exhaustion but adrenaline lighting him up as he pounds a beat out hard. A memory of a bassist with pale green eyes who gives him a heart stopping smile when they come to a break.

It’s only been a year, but Tommy has shoved those memories down so far into his heart that the men in them feel like ghosts to him. He sometimes feels like a ghost himself. The Tommy Lee who so loved his drums, who was wild, and excitable and so, so in love with life was dead.

Now all that’s left is this stereotype of a tall, pretty omega model in Hollywood who can’t even think about pursuing his passions because of how much it hurts him to remember.

Tommy scoffs at himself and tears his eyes away from his drum set, walking into the kitchen and letting muscle memory guide him into making coffee and reheating leftovers from the day before as he thinks that this is exactly why he doesn’t focus on the past. It’s just too damn depressing.

~January 18th, 2018~

Tommy is nearly bouncing in his seat at the diner in excitement. He keeps throwing little glances at the man a few booths away to make sure it’s who he thinks it is, but Tommy’s pretty fucking confident that it is.

He looks at his friend’s amused face across from him and the girl laughs softly at what has to be the goofiest of hopeful expressions that is morphing his features.

They had just gotten out of the concert they had met up for, and Tommy was already a ball of energy because London was one of his favorite up and coming bands and the show had been sick but as soon as they had been seated after deciding to get some food, he had caught sight of a familiar face and then proceeded to steadily lose his shit.

“Seriously, that’s him right? That’s Nikki fucking Sixx sitting just a few booths away from me?” Tommy harshly whispers, as if the other man was paying any attention to anything other than the paper spread out in front of him and the tissue he kept pressing to his bloody nose.

His friend just grins at him, “Looks like it, yeah.”

Tommy fidgets and bites his lip, “Should I go over and talk to him?”

The girl across from him nods, small little wicked smirk on her face. She’s a good friend but she loves watching him make a fool of himself, which is no doubt exactly what she thinks he’s about to do now.

“Yeah, you should. I’m just gonna get a milkshake and get gone.”

Tommy is already sliding out of his seat as she speaks, giving her a thumbs up and a ‘see you later.’

He walks over as confidently as he can with his nerves flaring up. Tommy isn’t one to be shy or embarrassed by much, but he’s eighteen and the older bassist is probably one of the coolest musicians on the scene right now and that’s enough to make him jittery. It also doesn’t help that the man is probably the most gorgeous alpha that Tommy has ever actually seen in public. Dark hair, killer jaw line, intense pale green eyes and just as intense alpha aura, Tommy practically shivers the closer he gets. Tommy could hardly be called inexperienced, he’s been with a couple of alpha’s before but it’s always been with people his own age, fumbling around, figuring out how their biology even worked. But the vibe that Nikki gives off is nothing like the alpha’s Tommy has been with, and the omega in him is intensely attracted to that.

He stops right in front of the table the other man is sitting at, bounces on his heels a few times and decides to just go for it, “Hey, that was badass dude. The show, not the nose… but the nose was pretty badass too.”

Tommy almost blushes as Nikki looks up at him while he rambles. The other man doesn’t say anything for a second, just drags his eyes over Tommy a few times before he finally replies in a drawling voice, accent something that Tommy can’t really identify, “The singer’s an asshole.”

Tommy releases a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding when he hears Nikki’s reply and feels a little more confident, “I know. I saw. Hey, fuck him though, he deserved it.”

Nikki gives him a nod and goes back to scanning the paper in front of him, he seems to have lost interest or something and Tommy bites his lip before blurting out, “I got your poster on my bedroom wall.”

The alpha looks up at him incredulously then, raising an eyebrow and letting a small, delicious smirk stretch across his lips when Tommy closes his eyes and groans at how that sounded. “I can’t believe I just said that. I mean, fuck, I didn’t mean it, you know, like that, I just meant-“

Nikki chuckles as he stumbles over his words and shakes his head, “Take the fucking poster down man, London’s dead.”

Tommy opens his mouth to reply when the waitress comes over and stops on the other side of Nikki’s table, “What can I get you boys?”

Tommy blinks and slides into the booth across from Nikki, giving the man a smile when he gets a confused look from the bassist. The alpha just gives a small smirk again before looking up at the older beta waitress with a charming smile, “Can I please get a Jack and coke Dottie?”

The waitress rolls her eyes but writes it down regardless and Tommy gets the feeling that maybe Nikki is a regular here and she’s used to the request. The woman looks at him then, “And for you honey?”

Tommy smiles brightly at the woman and is satisfied when her lips tug upwards in response, always happy to make others a little happier, “Blueberry pancakes, please.”

“Of course hun.” She says lightly as she walks away and when Tommy looks back at Nikki, the bassist is staring at him with this intense gleam in his eyes that wasn’t there before. Sitting across from him now, Tommy can make out his scent prominently, and it’s something that goes straight to his head. Nikki smells like the aftermath of a storm, when the trees and the soil are wet with rain water and everything is saturated in bold, rich color. Tommy wonders if Nikki can smell him too, he’s been told before that has a particularly pleasant scent, he wonders if that’s why the bassist is looking at him with more interest than he had before.

Tommy watches in rapt attention as Nikki leans forward and starts talking with more passion than previously, “My next band is going to be something no one’s ever fucking seen before.”

The alpha’s eyes drop back down to the paper in front of him. Tommy studies it more closely then and sees ads for musicians looking for bands. One in particular catches his eye, Mick Mars: loud, aggressive guitarist and without thinking he whips one of his drumsticks out from his belt and uses it to point at the ad, “That dude looks pretty cool.”

Nikki uses the pen he has to circle it and Tommy feels joy flood him when the older man takes his suggestion before Nikki leans back against the booth and regards him with a curious look, head tilted slightly to the side, “Do you carry those around with you everywhere?”

“Yep.” Tommy smiles, popping the p at the end of the word playfully and thrilling when Nikki chuckles at him.

The waitress is coming back then and she sits a coke and a small bottle of Jack in front of Nikki, “Here you go kid. Your pancakes will be out soon honey.”

Nikki thanks the older woman gratefully and proceeds to twist the top of the liquor bottle and instead of pouring it into the coke like Tommy had expected him to, proceeds to down the contents in one go, his eyes never leaving Tommy’s as the omega bites his lip and starts twirling his drumstick in his fingers. It’s a habit he had developed ever since he had taught himself how to do it, especially when he was nervous or stressed and the way Nikki was looking at him was making him both in the most electric way possible.

He sees Nikki eye the movement with a slightly impressed look on his face and it makes Tommy giddy to have caused it, “Where did you learn to do that?”

Tommy does blush at that but he’s honest when says, “High school marching band.”

Nikki full out laughs at that, not meanly, but in surprise, like he hadn’t expected Tommy to be that honest and it makes the omega grin when he adds, “But hey, I rock too.”

Nikki is leaning forward and smirks then and Tommy feels the warmth of arousal spread through him when the bassist lowers his voice and says, “I bet you do babe.”

A plate is sat in front of him and it makes Tommy blink in confusion as the moment between him and Nikki is interrupted, Dottie smiling at him gently for startling him. He looks back up and Nikki has gone back to looking through ads, but Tommy sees the little smile pulling at his lips and it makes him grin again, pushing the pancakes more toward the center of the table to get Nikki’s attention.

“Help me eat these pancakes and tell me more about this band.”

Nikki full out smiles at him then, and Tommy knows that he’s going to be gone for this man in no time flat.

It only takes six full days in fact.

Nikki had pretty much demanded he be his band’s drummer as soon as he found out that Tommy had drummed for Suite 19 before the band had dissolved.

“I saw you guys once. Shitty band but you have some real fucking talent babe.”

Tommy’s pretty sure he had fucking beamed with hearts in his eyes when he heard Nikki say that.

They spent the next couple days meeting up and talking about their vision for what was going to be their band. Nikki always said that, always called it “our band” and not “my band” and Tommy always felt pride move through him when he did. They spent their mornings and nights planning in Nikki’s shitty little efficiency that Tommy adored just like he adored when Nikki would pull him in close with an arm around his shoulders on the couch to look through lyrics. Tommy could see the way Nikki’s eyes would follow him as he walked through Nikki’s home, following his body when he would get up to grab them beer from the small refrigerator that was against the far wall from the couch. There was a hazy atmosphere that settled over them when they were together, it was palpable and charged and Tommy knew they could both feel it.

Their sixth day hanging out together they were sitting outside on the fire escape, taking a break between seeing guitarists and sharing Nikki’s last cigarette when a breeze blew past them. Tommy tilted his head back, enjoying the brisk air blowing his curls around his face but when he opened his eyes, he was immediately met with Nikki’s eyes squeezed closed and body tense.

Tommy put a hand on the bassist’s shoulder and squeezed at the muscle gently, “Hey, you okay Nik?”

Nikki breathed in a deep lungful of air and he smiled in what had to be the softest way Tommy had seen so far, “I’m good babe, you just…”

The alpha trailed off for a minute, the look on his face contemplating as Tommy prompted, “I just?”

Nikki shook his head with that smile, fingers coming up to brush Tommy’s hair out of his face, “You just smell really fucking good T.”

“Oh.” Tommy breaths out, heart jolting and beating fast at the admission. Before he could think to reply to that though, an absolutely shitty little hatchback was screeching to a halt in front of Nikki’s complex and a short beta with jet black hair was grumbling as he tried to get an amp out of the trunk.

Tommy and Nikki both snorted out a laugh but Tommy, being Tommy, was already running down the stairs to help the shorter man out, “Whoa, dude. You got it? Here for the audition?”

The older man levels a deadpan look at him that Tommy took to meant, ‘well no shit genius’, but he sticks with a simple, “Yep.”

Tommy helps him get the damn amp out of the trunk and the man looks at him with a scrutinizing glance, “You the singer?”

The omega laughs at that, “Absolutely not. That’s funny though, drummer.”

The beta gives him an odd look, “Pretty scrawny for a drummer.”

Tommy narrows his eyes in response. He feels Nikki moving in behind him but that doesn’t stop the annoyance from filling him. He doesn’t know this beta, he doesn’t know if he’s the type who means ‘It’s unusual for an omega to be a drummer’ when he said what he said but just for good measure he asks, “Do you have a fucking problem with that?”

Nikki is looking at him, Tommy sees him from the corner of his eyes but he doesn’t move his narrowed gaze away from the beta’s who looks satisfied at the challenge, “I meant scrawny, drummer, I didn’t mean omega. And I don’t have a fucking problem with either as long as you can fucking play good fucking music.”

Tommy’s whole demeanor changes at that, bright smile back on his face and he grabs one side of the amp and motions for the beta to do the same so they can carry it up the stairs, “Good, would have hated to give you a no before even seeing you play, old man.”

The beta growls at him at that, “Fucking teenager.”

Tommy just laughs, “I’m Tommy, the lazy fuck behind you carrying wires is Nikki.”

The short man gives the barest hint of a smile, like he doesn’t want to but just can’t help it. “Mick.”

Mick is in from the first riff of his guitar and as they play Tommy sneaks glances at Nikki just to see the nearly manic grin on the bassist’s face. Every so often their eyes will meet, and the passion Tommy finds in their locked gaze overwhelms him so much he has to look back down at his kit so he won’t blush. He’s pretty sure he still does. And he’s pretty sure that Nikki sees.

He thinks about Nikki that night while he’s at home. He’s probably going to have to move out soon. His parents don’t approve of him wanting to skip college to be in a band and as loving as they are, they aren’t going to let him live in their house unless they feel like he’s working towards something worthwhile.

But that’s not important right now. What’s important is that he’s pretty sure he’s in love with his bandmate. Tommy has a bad habit of falling too hard and too fast for people. He thinks maybe it’s a combination of his general enthusiasm for everything and his general love for people that makes him the way he is but this doesn’t feel like his usual falling in, falling out routine.

The thing between him and Nikki is magnetic. Tommy feels like he’s stuck in the bassist’s orbit, completely unable and unwilling to move too far away from him. There is just something inside of him that slots perfectly into place when he’s around Nikki and by the look in the alpha’s eyes when Tommy catches him staring, he’s pretty sure Nikki feels the same.

A few weeks of pining later he’s letting himself into Nikki’s efficiency, it’s about 11am so he knows that the bassist is probably still asleep but he hasn’t let that stop him the previous mornings and it’s not going to stop him today so he opens and shuts the door and takes off his shoes before flinging himself at the alpha who is spread across the mattress on the floor.

Nikki groans loudly and starts swatting at Tommy, because he knows it’s the younger boy, this routine becoming way too familiar but instead of laughing and rolling off of him like usual, Tommy just laughs and straddles his hips.

“Nikki, Nik, listen! I was up all night thinking about this,” Tommy starts, not even phased when Nikki tiredly tries to hit him for waking him up, “Listen Nikki! We’ve been looking for a singer and I thought about it and I think I know a guy. I actually went to high school with him, he’s absolutely perfect-”

Tommy yelps when Nikki tries to roll over and dislodge him from his perch so he can go back to sleep but Tommy is stubborn and he tightens his legs around the older man’s hips and whines out, “Nikki!”

The drummer feels Nikki go stiff as a board underneath him and when he meets his gaze, Tommy feels frozen, absolutely pinned by the intensity in the bassist’s green eyes.

“Nikki…” Tommy practically breaths, kind of scared by how silent and still the man underneath him is and that fear has him rambling pretty quickly, “Shit, I’m sorry Nik, I shouldn’t have woken you up, sorry if I annoyed you, I know you’re always telling me that you would rather I wake you up later in the afternoon and I never listen which must be irritating but I just- mmph!”

Tommy doesn’t even have time to process what is happening when Nikki suddenly surges to sit up, one hand firm on his hip to keep him stable on his lap and the other twisting in his hair to hold him still as the bassist presses their lips together in a sudden kiss.

It lasts seconds but when they part Tommy is panting like it had been hours and there’s a flush on Nikki’s cheeks when he sees the surprise in Tommy’s big brown eyes, “You, uh, you have this habit of licking your bottom lip when you nervous ramble you know? It’s really, really fucking cute.”

It’s Nikki’s turn to squirm a bit as Tommy sits there in his lap in shock and the alpha swallows before he starts talking again, “I know I probably shouldn’t have, you know, just fucking went for it without asking you for your permission or some shit like that first but fuck Tommy, I just feel, I feel so right around you. You’re so fucking beautiful, and passionate and talented and you’re not fucking annoying so don’t say that again and I just-”

It’s Tommy’s turn to interrupt him now, hands burying themselves in Nikki’s hair and pulling him forward to connect their lips again and Tommy moans when he feels Nikki’s arms wrap around his waist to pull him as close as possible, chest to chest as the bassist licks at his lower lip and dips it inside when Tommy opens his mouth. Tommy feels delirious and so fucking high that he whines in protest when Nikki breaks their kiss to breath.

Tommy laughs happily after he catches his breath, wrapping his arms around Nikki’s neck and throwing them down to lay back against the mattress, “What the fuck took you so long?!”

Nikki is laughing then too, rolling them over to hover on top of him and press kisses into every inch of Tommy’s face and neck and the omega giggles at the action but releases a sharp gasp when Nikki suddenly bites down underneath the scent gland just behind his ear.

“Sorry for making you wait babe,” Nikki’s speaks into his ear, lips brushing against the lobe and voice so low and gritty that Tommy feels a wave of heat spreading from his lower body, flush blooming along his cheeks, “Let me make it up to you.”

And he certainly proceeds to do that.

Life becomes a whirlwind for Tommy, they get his old high school friend Vince Neil to join their band and soon they’re Mötley Crüe. They spend their days writing music and preparing to take Sunset Strip by storm and they spend their nights partying and meeting people and raising hell. Tommy gets a job as a waiter at a strip bar just down the street which the rest of the boys love because it means they can drink for free during Tommy’s shifts and he, Nikki, and Vince pull their resources to get a small two bedroom apartment right on the Strip.

Tommy and Nikki are inseparable. They are so caught up in each other most of the time that they often can’t keep their hands to themselves and more than a few times Vince has to yell at them to take it to their bedroom so he doesn’t have to watch them fucking.

Nikki surprises Tommy every day with how thoughtful he can be, taking him on dates to the beach even though he hates it because he knows Tommy loves it, always picking a movie that he thinks Tommy will like even if it’s something Nikki probably wouldn’t otherwise be interested in, murmuring praises against Tommy’s skin in the early morning sun until he sits up to grab the book he keeps by the bed, arms wrapped around Tommy’s waist as the drummer sits in his lap as he writes out lyrics all about Tommy. Nikki will hum out a melody and Tommy will listen intently and fill in the spaces with a beat that he hits out on Nikki’s arms or legs, whatever is closest and the bassist will beam at him and nine times out of ten, tackle him against the bed. Nikki looks at him like he’s the most precious fucking thing in the world and when he’s with Nikki, he feels like he is.

They go into summer with a plan and a full list of songs to take over the world with. Tommy has his alpha, his lover, his absolute best friend by his side. He has his band, his chosen family, and his whole future ahead of him.

Of course, life can never be that fucking easy, can it?

~May 15th, 2019~

It’s a little after 6pm and Tommy has just gotten out of the shower, sipping from a bottle of Rosé as he stands in front of his open closet, music blasting from his speakers. Wine isn’t typically his drink of choice, but he hadn’t restocked his liquor cabinet and a few bottles had been left in his fridge from the last time he had friends over, so wine will have to do for now. If he was going to spend the rest of the night letting people assume that Tom fucking Zutaut was his date, he was at least going to get hammered. May as well start early.

Tom had asked him to dress nice, which Tommy translated in his head as “please dress slutty so my new rock star clients are envious of me for landing you as a date”.

Tommy grabs out his favorite black jeans. They’re torn to hell all up and down the legs and honestly show more of his skin than they cover up but they’re also super comfortable. He had thought about the soft leather pants right next to them but everyone was probably going to be in leather if this was a party to celebrate signing a new rock band and his stylist’s voice was sounding in his ear saying ‘dare to be different Tommy!’

With that catch phrase in mind, he pulls out some fishnet stockings too. He slides them on before pulling his jeans up carefully, mindful of the rips and tears and looks back at the mirror in the corner of his room. He lets a small smirk pulls at his lips as he takes in the band of his fishnets settling at the smallest dip of his waist and remaining visible for about three inches before disappearing below his jeans, making reappearances through the rips and tears along his legs. Yeah, that will do nicely. For the top he picks out a black worn tee. It’s cropped, so it shows the fishnet off and it’s just oversized enough that the neckline is constantly dipping down his left shoulder and it would be almost plain if it weren’t for the beautiful embroidered red roses that stretched along the entire right shoulder. He doesn’t even remember what brand it is but he loves it and it’s simple and chic enough when paired with the lower half of his outfit.

He thinks he’s dressed well enough to turn a few heads so he works on taming his hair into soft waves, briefly toying with the idea of teasing it before deciding that it was too much work for the likes of Zutaut and he prefers it loose and natural anyway. He does just enough make up to even out his complexion, give him those smoky, bedroom eyes that his photographers love so much and darkens his lips with a long lasting burgundy red.

As he finishes his makeup, he finds himself thinking that this is first time in a year that he’s done anything related to music or musicians in general. Tom is the only one even remotely tied to the music industry that he still speaks to and that’s only because of everything the other man has done for him. He ghosted everyone tied to his previous life when he walked out on him a year ago and he avoided the music scene like the plague ever since.

Nikki. Tommy does his best to not think about the green eyed bassist but no matter what Tommy does, the alpha inevitably pops back into his thoughts. It must be a combination of his earlier nostalgia with his drums, the fact that he’s about to go to a party for some up and coming rock stars and the wine, Tommy thinks as he takes a shaky breath. There was no other reason to think about his ex. Nikki was his past. Sure, he still loved the man like he doubts he would love anyone again, still longed for him during his one night stands with piss poor alphas who couldn’t hold a damn candle to the bassist, still hurt every time he wondered what he was doing at that very instant.

But he wouldn’t ever see him again, and he just needed to deal with it and push past it and continue living his damn life. Half alive was better than nothing he supposed.

Tommy downs the last of his wine and touches up his lips one last time. He’s putting on a black choker and some long dangling earrings when he sees his phone go off in the corner of his eye.

He picks it up as he walks out of his bedroom, boots in hand, “Hello?”

“Hey Tommy, I’m outside.” Tom’s voice is nervous and it makes Tommy roll his eyes as he pulls on his black boots. The heels are pretty conservative, just two inches but they’re just tall enough to give a little swing to his hips as he walks.

“I’ll be right down.”

Tommy flips the switch on his stereo system and turns out his lights, he really doesn’t need anything else, so he slips his key into his pocket after he locks his door and spins his phone in his hand like he used to spin his sticks and walks down the hall to the elevator.

Zutaut has a nice car but like everything else even remotely cool that Tom owns, he only has it because he thinks it makes him look cool. Which to Tommy is just so fucking sad. Still, he slides into the passenger seat and laughs when Tom nods at him approvingly.

“You look good Tommy.” The beta says happily as he pulls away from the curb and proceeds with what has to be the slowest drive to the Hollywood Hills that Tommy has ever experienced.

“Thanks, you told me to, but thank you I guess. You look…” Tommy trails off as he takes in Tom’s outfit of choice, “Like you’re going to church.”

Tom frowns instantly and points to the seatbelt that Tommy had neglected when he got into the car. “I like to dress professionally when I’m around my clients.”

Tommy scoffs and flicks at Zutaut’s arm lightly, “It’s a party Tom. Who the fuck wears a cardigan to a rock n’ roll signing party?”

“California is chilly at night! You’ll be begging for this cardigan later on!” Tom protests and Tommy laughs.

“Hos don’t get cold Zutaut. All you had to wear was jeans and a t-shirt and it would have been better than this. At least take off the cardigan and roll up your sleeves. You look like a goddamn missionary.”

“I’m regretting this already. They think I’m a loser Tommy!” Tom whines and even though it’s annoying, Tommy feels a little bad for the guy. So he resolves to do his best as Tom’s fake date for the night to get him noticed a little.

“Well, they won’t think that for long. That’s why you invited me, right?” Tom looks at the omega briefly before looking back quickly at the road, pulling into a long circular driveway and joining the line of cars waiting to be valeted. Tommy can hear the music already, something heavy and loud and it moves through him and makes him grin already.

Tom for his part looks sick and Tommy wants to bash his head in. What a night he’s in for. Okay, he thinks, time to at least set some ground rules.

“Listen Tom. I’m okay with letting people assume what they want to, alright? But if anyone blatantly asks what we are, you will tell them that we are friends. Okay?” Tommy speaks slowly so the other man doesn’t misunderstand through his nerves.

Tom’s face screws up unhappily, “But I thought-”

“I’ll walk in there with you. I’ll let you get me a drink, and I’ll let you put your arm around my waist while you introduce me to these guys that you signed but letting people think what they want to think and letting you blatantly say that you’re fucking me are two totally different things. I’m not playing that game. That’s where I draw the line, okay?” Tommy thinks that he’s being fair. Besides, being friends with a model is almost as good as scoring with one right? Maybe not, but that’s all Tom’s getting so, he should probably make his peace with it now.

Tom nods sulkily as he pulls his car up to the front, “Okay.”

Tommy sighs before putting a smile on his face when his door is opened for him. The house is monstrous, beautiful in that very in your face kind of way that Tommy doesn’t really care for. He’s been here once before, it’s Tom’s boss’ house, but the party that’s going on now is way rowdier than the last one he had attended here and Tommy feels his smile becoming more real. At least he’ll probably have fun tonight. All he has to do is meet Tom’s new clients and then hopefully he can go off and get drunk and act his normal foolish self when they lose interest and move on.

Tommy nearly startles when he feels an arm wrapping around his waist before he realizes that it’s just Tom and going by the look on the man’s face, Tommy is going to need to be the one to lead here. So he walks confidently up the sidewalk, dragging Tom along with the grip the other man has on his waist, and doesn’t even bother knocking on the door, pushing them open and walking inside like he owns the damn place.

“This is ridiculous.” Tom mutters under his breath so only Tommy can hear.

“This is awesome, Tom. Come on, at least try to have a little fun.” Tommy laughs happily, taking in the chaos that’s going on inside. The music is loud and aggressive and the lights are blued out in places and faintly strobing, enough to be special but not enough to be annoying, and twinkling white in others. There’s a sea of people dancing and Tommy spots a pool table in the room to the far right, a swimming pool visible through the glass walls with people fully dressed in it and surrounding it, and plush suede couches along the back wall.

Tommy has spotted at least a handful of musicians that he knows about, a half a dozen models he’s worked with, a couple of photographer’s and designers, and everyone else he has no idea.

“I need to find the guys!” Tom yells out to him, eyes darting around nervously. There’s a table to their left, one end empty while a bunch of guys play cards at the other end and Tommy sighs before hoisting himself up to sit on the edge.

“I’ll stay right here. You go ahead and get me a drink and bring whoever back that you want.” Tommy yells back. He crosses one long leg over the other and leans back just a little, weight resting on one arm that he props against the table a little behind him, taking note as one of the guys playing cards follows the movement with his eyes. Tommy gives him a coy smile and a wink just because he can as Tom nods and walks away.

The guy watching him from his card game looks at him curiously before grinning and getting up to walk over. He looks vaguely familiar to Tommy, with his long blonde hair, cute grin, and tall stature. It’s hard to tell people’s sub-gender’s in an environment like this, too many people in too close a proximity to really make anything out, but the man holds himself like an alpha.

He’s standing in front of Tommy before the omega has time to figure out where he knows the other man from and his grin is absolutely giddy as he looks at him.

“You’re Tommy Lee.”

Tommy blinks in surprise. It’s not like he doesn’t get recognized. He does occasionally, but people more often remember his face, they don’t really know his name.

“Umm, yeah, I am… How do you kno-”

“My lead singer is an absolute Gucci freak and your spread is literally one of his favorites. He has the photos posted up on his bunk wall on our tour bus.” The guy is laughing happily, sharing a conspiratorial look as he confides his friend’s secret and Tommy has to laugh along with him.

The omega shakes his head as he grins, “I really don’t know what to do with that information.”  

“Oh, tease the hell out of Axl when I bring him over to meet you, I hope. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather have you all to myself, but he would literally, and I mean literally, kill me if he were to find out that I met you and didn’t go get him.” A lightbulb goes off in his head at the name Axl and suddenly Tommy knows exactly who he’s talking to.

The omega smiles at him, “Well, we can’t have that now can we?”

The blond beams again, holding his hand out for Tommy to take and shake, “Duff Mckagen.”

Tommy leans back again when he releases the man’s hand, “I know, I watched your music video on MTV the other day. Guns N’ Roses, right?”

Duff nods, scratching at the back of his head somewhat sheepishly, “Yeah? What did you think?”

Tommy just can’t resist the opportunity to tease, “Eh.”

Duff throws his head back and laughs and Tommy smiles at him when he leans in a little closer, “You don’t pull your punches do you sweetheart?”

Tommy’s grin turns sharp as he lowers his gaze and looks at the bassist through his eyelashes, “You have no idea.”

The blond haired alpha leans his hip against the side of the table, nearly pressed right against Tommy’s side and he brings a hand up to lightly grip at his chin, tilting it to meet his gaze as he gives a little smirk that’s definitely attractive on him, “Maybe I should risk death and forget about introducing you to Axl, don’t need him to whisk your attention away from me.”

“Tommy!”

The omega sighs and rolls his eyes at the questioning look Duff gives him. Tom is making his way back over but Tommy doesn’t see anyone with him so he figures that he’s free to keep flirting with the blond bassist as Tom presses a drink into his hand.

“Did you find them?” Tommy asks politely. Zutaut looks anxious as all hell, so Tommy feels the need to be nice to the man.

“Uh, yeah, they were right behind me? I guess they got side tracked, they’ll be here.” Tom says, eyes flitting over the crowd before finally realizing that he had company.

“Duff? Hey man.” Tom says, voice at a higher pitch than usual, and Tommy raises an eyebrow at the producer. God, no wonder his clients didn’t respect him. The man couldn’t even talk to a musician without losing his shit.

“Hey Zutaut. Are you here with…” Duff asks but trails off like the question is so ridiculous he can’t even finish it.

Tom is about to answer but Tommy is cutting him off with a glare, “Yes and no. He’s a friend that I’m doing a favor for.”

Tom looks a bit put out but Duff smiles again, arm draping around Tommy’s shoulders, “Good, I was about to be really bummed out.”

“Look out Zutaut! Duffie’s gonna steal your model if you aren’t careful!” An obnoxious voice calls out boisterously followed nearly immediately by a loud and startlingly familiar, “HOLY FUCK.”

Tommy freezes. His whole body feels like a block of lead and he all of a sudden can’t breathe because there’s no fucking way.  

There’s no fucking way that after a year, Vince Neil is at the same party as him. But then a softer and achingly recognizable, “Shit,” has him wanting to cry because that was definitely Mick’s voice. He feels cold all over and despite not wanting to look up, he just has to because he knows, if Vince and Mick are there together, someone else is probably there too.  

So he shifts his gaze to look directly in front of him and sure enough, he’s there. Vince is staring at him with the most shocked expression on his face, Mick is looking at him with something that looks apologetic but he’s barely aware of any of that because Nikki is standing behind them both with the most intensely indiscernible expression on his face, eyes locked onto Tommy’s face.

He looks so good. So damn good in black jeans that are cut up at the knees and a tank top that shows off his muscled arms that are littered with more tattoos than he remembers, hair still jet black but pushed off of his forehead so his gorgeous face is visible and Tommy wants to whine and reach out for him, the longing he feels in his heart wanting a physical expression.

“Hi Nikki.” Tommy manages to force out even though the words had felt stuck in his throat before dragging his eyes away from the dark haired bassist, “Vince, Mick.”

Tommy narrows his eyes at the fourth person, “I don’t know you.”

“Sammy doll face, drummer.” The man reaches a hand out to shake but Tommy ignores it. And yeah, that may be petty but considering the situation, the omega feels like his actions are pretty justified.

Instead he tips his head back and downs the full glass of whiskey that Tom had brought him while the producer asks, “Tommy, you know the guys?”

“Apparently.” Tommy glares at the man. Why the hell didn’t he say earlier that the band he had signed was Mötley Crüe? Why the fuck hadn’t Tommy asked who this fucking party was for.

“Tommy was actually our original drummer.” Mick sighs, probably trying to ease the awkward atmosphere that’s settled around the group.

Sammy laughs, “No shit?! What happened? Couldn’t take the heat doll face?”

Tommy growls and is about lay into the asshole when Nikki all of a sudden finds his voice, “No, I fucked it all up. It was my fault he left.”

The omega feels a sharp spike of pain shoot through him and it’s enough to make his eyes water and he tries to take a breath without being too obvious about the fact that he suddenly can’t seem to get enough air.

He unexpectedly feels Duff’s arm moves from his shoulder to around his waist, hand squeezing his hip gently and Tommy can see the way Nikki’s jaw clenches and his eyes narrow, “Hey, you alright?”

Tommy shakes his head, “I’m not drunk enough for this shit, come get me another drink.”

And with that Tommy is dragging Duff with him and away from the people, the person, who was supposed to stay in his past.

Tommy feels panic bubbling up in his chest as he walks away from the alpha, and he can’t help but think about the last time he did this, a little less than a year ago.

~May 22nd, 2018~

Tommy didn’t necessarily like his job. It was alright, most of the time, and the owner never minded if he sent free drinks to his boys whenever they would come in to wait until the end of his shift so they could go out.

But the patrons were fucking annoying. They constantly groped or made comments to him after they had too much to drink, and while Tommy could usually handle this with a smile that typically got him extra tips, sometimes it went a little too far and it just flat out made him uncomfortable.

The most annoying part of his job though, is the goddamn strippers who don’t seem to understand- even though Tommy has very clearly and explicitly spelled it out for them- that Nikki is fucking off limits. Several girls would often caress the bassist’s shoulders as they walked by or lean down to peck him on the cheek but that was usually just to tease Tommy and while it annoyed the hell out of him, it was all in good fun and at the end of the day he knew that they respected him enough to never actually cross the line.

All of them, except Mindy.

Fucking Mindy, with her stupid fucking ‘only appropriate for a stripper’ name, was constantly flying past the goddamn line. Tommy hated the nights that he worked with her because that meant that she would usually plant herself right in Nikki’s lap for a free dance. Tommy confronted her about it a couple of times and she always said the same damn thing.

“You’re not mated Tommy. Until you are, Nikki is fair game so fuck off.” Fucking blonde haired bimbo.

Mindy and her shitty behavior made him seethe, but what really troubled him about the whole thing was how Nikki would just sit there and let it happen. Tommy had told him before that it bothered him, but the handful of times they talked about it Nikki would just dismiss his concerns with a ‘she’s just doing her job babe, doesn’t mean anything’ or a ‘you know her type doesn’t do anything for me babe, I prefer tall, leggy brunettes’ before he would proceed to make Tommy forget whatever they had just been talking about.

Despite Nikki’s nonchalance at the whole situation, it continues to upset Tommy every time it happens. Besides just the instinctual surge of possession that it stirs up in him when he sees the skank grinding on his alpha, there’s also the hurt that Nikki doesn’t seem to care that it bothers him. He could get maybe that Nikki doesn’t understand that seeing him under another omega, in a place of business or not, makes him feel terribly insecure which is so far from the norm for Tommy it actually turns his stomach when it happens. But to Tommy, it should have just taken him telling Nikki that it upset him for the alpha to put a stop to the activity.

But he doesn’t, and tonight it’s worse than usual because Mindy stays in Nikki’s lap even after Tommy clocks out. This is unusual because she typically times it to steer clear of Tommy after the omega had growled at her when they bumped into each other backstage last month but tonight when he walks out of the back, she’s still there and Nikki is calmly taking a sip from a bottle of Jack as he talks to Vince who has a girl in his own lap.

Tommy feels an unbridled rage fill him when he sees it and he has half a mind to stomp over there, push the bitch off of Nikki’s lap and maybe even punch that handsome face that belonged to his boyfriend, but he figures physical violence would probably get him fired and wouldn’t exactly be healthy for his relationship

So he decides to get drunk instead and wait for Mindy to leave so he can go over there, drag Nikki home and scream at him until Nikki just gets it because this is ending, tonight.

He huffs angrily when he harshly sits himself down on a stool at the bar and glowers, even when the bartender gives him a sympathetic smile and a drink without him having to ask.

“Mindy at it again?” She asks.

Tommy looks at her with a storm brewing behind his eyes, “Do you have to ask?”

“I don’t get why he doesn’t just knock her on her ass. He can do that if she’s giving him a dance he’s not paying for.”

“That’s what I fucking said.” Tommy grumbles before knocking back his drink. He sighs as he spins the empty glass and is about to motion for another one when the red haired beta behind the counter is passing another drink into his hands.

He gives her a grateful look but she shakes her head at him, “That one’s not from me honey.”

She points a little ways down the bar and a man that Tommy recognizes from his rotation is waving at him with a little half smile. He’s attractive, objectively. He’s a little shorter than Tommy which isn’t surprising, most people are, but he’s built well and he must be some sort of Hispanic because his skin is tanned cinnamon and his short hair is thick and a deep dark brown just like his eyes. Tommy is a little surprised and he’s waving back as he takes a sip from the drink. Apparently the guy takes that as an invitation because he’s walking over immediately.

He’s sliding to stand against the bar right next to where Tommy is sitting and the drummer’s eyes widen at how close the other man is so suddenly.

“So, I’m guessing since you’re drinking that means that your off?” The guy has a nice smile, Tommy will give him that. And he smells pretty good, obviously an alpha and like strong coffee. But this is really not anything that Tommy is interested in.

“What an intelligent observation. Give the guy a prize.” Tommy rolls his eyes. Yeah, that was a little bitchy but he’s mad, and upset, so sue him.

The guy’s smile stays firmly stretched across his face though, brown eyes lit up in amusement, “Ouch.”

Tommy snorts a laugh at the guy’s determination not to be deterred by his obviously pissy mood, “Sorry, you just really caught me at a bad time. I’m taken anyway.”

The omega looks back to check on Nikki and practically growls in frustration when he see Mindy still seated on his alpha’s lap. When the fuck does she get off work anyway?

The alpha at his side leans around him to follow his gaze and raises an eyebrow when Tommy meets his eyes again, “Is that who you’re taken by?”

Tommy bristles at the judgment he hears in the man’s voice and finishes his drink quickly, not minding in the least when the alpha motions for another round from the bartender.

“Didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just, how much of a moron is he if he has someone like you waiting for him and he’s wasting his time with that dime a dozen slut?” The guy snorts and presses the glass of another drink into Tommy’s hands.

And well, wasn’t that just the most dangerously right thing for him to have said.

Tommy watches as the guy smiles again, obviously amused that Tommy is so shocked by what he just said, “I’m Gabe.”

“Tommy.” The drummer answers almost unthinking, “And he may be a moron but I’m, unfortunately at the moment, in love with him so if you could not insult him, I’d appreciate it.”

Gabe shakes his head incredulously, “You’re really something else. Really irritates me that you’re not available. Well Tommy, I have a proposition for you if you’re interested.”

“This ought to be good. Go ahead.” Tommy smiles in amusement. He wasn’t doing anything else at the moment. Just waiting for a slut to get off of his boyfriend. No big deal. He had time to waste.

The smile across Gabe’s face morphs into a smirk and he takes a step further into Tommy’s space so that he’s very nearly knocking knees with him, “I’m just going to throw it out there that I am totally okay with you using me to give your guy over there a taste of his own medicine. Like, completely okay with it, down right on board to flirt with you for a while until he learns his lesson.”

Tommy’s laughing even though he doesn’t want to. From the corner of his eye he sees Mindy finally get off of Nikki’s lap and even though Nikki looks completely unbothered by her absence, head turning this way and that, obviously looking for Tommy, the omega is still incredibly angry and upset and maybe a little tipsy. Liquor doesn’t typically hit him this hard but three drinks so fast on an empty stomach while he’s tired from a shift obviously have had more of an effect than usual.

And Gabe is nice and funny, and Tommy really wants to just make Nikki understand how he’s been feeling. His head is screaming ‘bad idea, bad idea, bad idea’ but the pain in his heart just says ‘fuck off, we’re doing this’ and he’s spreading his legs just enough for the alpha to push just a little bit closer. It’s nothing explicit really, the man is just standing in the space between his knees, nowhere nears his thighs or his hips, but the suggestion is there and Tommy looks up at the other man, “And what lesson would that be?”

Gabe is still smiling but his eyes are serious when he lifts a hand to sweep his fingers through the curls that frame Tommy’s face, “That you’re a fucking knock out, and if he isn’t careful, someone will definitely sweep in to take you away.”

Tommy laughs softly, no fucking way was anyone taking him away from Nikki, but he’s flattered all the same, “You really are pretty fucking smooth, if I wasn’t-”

“Tommy.”

The sound of Nikki’s voice, pitched low and warning, has Tommy jerking away from Gabe so fast he nearly gets whiplash. He also teeters precariously on the stool at the movement and he feels Gabe place his hands on his waist to steady him so he doesn’t fall but the deep, loud growl that Nikki lets out has Gabe’s hands flying away in a flash.

Tommy faces Nikki fully then and the alpha looks like a force of nature standing there, body tense and eyes dark, jaw and fists clenched, looking for all intents and purposes that he’s seconds away from lunging at the alpha that’s standing so close to Tommy.

“We’re going home now Tommy.”

Nikki’s tone leaves no room for argument but Tommy still rolls his eyes and out of spite, because how dare Nikki sit there for like an hour with a stripper in his lap and then get this angry over a few minutes of harmless flirting, he turns back to Gabe as he stands up and says, “Thanks for the drinks, and the company.”

Tommy can practically hear Nikki’s teeth grinding when Gabe beams at him, “Anytime sweetheart.”

Nikki is gripping his hand then and pulling them rapidly toward the door but Gabe catches up with them, apparently unable to resist fucking with Nikki’s head one more time, and presses a napkin into Tommy’s hand, “Just in case you ever find yourself unattached.”

They’re out the door in a flash after that and Tommy throws the napkin with what he expects is Gabe’s phone number scribbled on it away. He knows Nikki sees him do it but it does little to calm the older man down as he pulls Tommy quickly down the street, dropping his hand when they approach their apartment and taking the stairs two at a time, leaving the door open for Tommy to shut.

As soon as the lock clicks into place, Nikki is speaking, and his tone is so raw and angry that Tommy is actually startled.

“What the fuck was that Tommy?” Nikki’s eyes are stone cold as he looks at him from across the living room.

Tommy is quiet for a minute because this is a little more intense than he had thought it would be. He figured Nikki would be pissed and they would scream at each other before falling together into angry passionate sex to relieve the frustration and then kiss and whisper apologies into each other’s skin afterwards. That was what was typical for them, both running a little too hot and energy just too high between them to argue quietly or passive aggressively.

Though, Tommy thinks a little guiltily, flirting with Gabe was some pretty passive aggressive shit on his part but no! Fuck this, this whole thing started because of Nikki’s shitty behavior and lack of regard for his feelings so he doesn’t get to stand there on the offensive and make Tommy feel bad. Fuck that.

“Oh fuck off Nikki, you’re not seriously going to stand there and question me over a little fucking flirting are you?” Tommy crosses his arms over his chest and glares at the alpha, not backing down and rearing to tear into him over this finally.

“A little fucking flirting? The guy was between your fucking legs and looked to be about one fucking drink from getting you into bed with him.” Nikki snarks at him cruelly.

Tommy narrows his eyes further and snarls back, “I would never have done that Nikki, thanks for the fucking vote of confidence though. It’s absolutely fucking mind blowing that you can stand there and call me a whore for letting another man barely touch me when you literally just spent an hour my with coworker’s ass grinding on your dick.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, is this coming up fucking again?! She’s a fucking stripper Tommy, that’s what she fucking does for a living.” Nikki has the audacity to look annoyed now and Tommy growls at the alpha for still being so stupid.

“No, this is ending fucking tonight because I am so sick of you just not fucking comprehending this. She’s not fucking accepting payment from you for those fucking dances Nikki. That means she’s doing it because she fucking wants you and you fucking entertain her, while I’m literally feet away working, you selfish, cold fucking dick! What fucking part of this confuses you? It would have been no different if I had pushed that fucking guy into a seat and rode him in the middle of the fucking room. And you do this every fucking week! Fuck! Maybe I should have kept his fucking number, as least he had the damn sense to see that I was more worth his time than a fucking stripper!” Tommy fumes, and yeah, that was a little harder than he typically goes but he needs to get this through Nikki’s skull right fucking now.

Nikki’s pale green eyes are ice right now, hardening the more Tommy lays into him, but Tommy can see the wild panic that shoots through them when he mentions keeping Gabe’s number. Tommy knows that this isn’t good, he knows that Nikki has abandonment issues from how he grew up and fear makes Nikki do irrational, terrible things and he immediately wants to de-escalate the situation but then Nikki is speaking again and his tone is nothing short of disgusted when he says, “Are you really that fucking insecure?”

It’s like a sharp slap to the face and Tommy feels his control of the situation slipping through his fingers, knows that Nikki has none to speak of either and this is spiraling much further than it needed to.

He tries to soften his approach and weakly says, “Nikki…”

But it’s too late for that now, fear and pain and panic have a hold on Nikki now and the older man is backing away from him then and shaking his head, not even screaming but voice still cutting into Tommy’s heart when he continues his assault, “I should have fucking knew that you were too immature to handle this Tommy. What kind of a juvenile fucking slut tries to fuck with another guy just to make their boyfriend jealous over a few fucking lap dances?”

Tommy bites his lip to try to stifle the whimper the wants to come out because Nikki doesn’t usually speak to him like this. They scream and curse and they’ll insult each other but it’s always general, this, this is personal and he feels like he’s going to cry, eyes watering but doing his best to clear his expression and stop this before it goes too far to fix, “Nikki, baby, please…”

Nikki shakes his head, “Who fucking fucks up their relationship because of some stupid insecurity? A fucking kid does that Tommy, it’s fucking pathetic.”

Tommy takes in a shuddering breath, “Nikki stop, just stop!”

“This is the fucking life Tommy. This is being a goddamn rock star. This is what we fucking wanted. If you can’t handle a few fucking strippers without thinking that I want them more than I want you then we should just fucking end this now before you bring us all down with your goddamn pathetic insecurities. I don’t want anything to do with someone like that.”

Tommy feels a shattering pain in his chest and distantly hears a small broken whimper that he’s startled to realize has come from him. He can feel the warmth and wetness of his tears finally falling down his cheeks and Nikki is looking at him with what looks like immediate regret mixed up with the anger and the fear but Tommy can’t analyze that look, he can’t stay there for one more fucking minute and he’s running out of the apartment as fast as his long legs can take him, heart breaking all the more when he realizes that Nikki isn’t coming after him.

He ends up on a friend’s couch that night, and after several nights with no word from Nikki, he supposes that the set-up is permanent. He feels broken, unable to get himself to do the simplest of things, and as the days go by it doesn’t get any easier. He spends his nights curled up on the couch in physical pain from missing the older man so damn much. Everything in him wants to call Nikki. If he wants to fix this, he needs to be the one to do it because he knows that Nikki is probably buried too deep in a hole of self-loathing to even think that this is repairable. But every time he goes to press the alpha’s number into his phone he hears those terrible things he had said to him and he physically recoils from the slim possibility that Nikki actually meant them.

His friends go get his stuff from the apartment. Vince and Mick try calling him and texting but he can’t read them after the first few glances revealed Nikki’s name so he blocks all of their numbers, the last of Tommy Lee, drummer of Mötley Crüe, dying as he presses the delete button on Nikki’s contact information.

~May 15th, 2019~

Tommy all but collapses again the counter top when they reach the kitchen and Duff has the common sense to move them a little further into a more secluded corner, away from most of the people who are milling in and out of the room.

The omega is grateful to him because he feels like he’s about to have a panic attack, and wow, he’s never had one of those before. But Duff presses into his space, cupping his face to push his hair back so that Tommy focuses on his face.

“Hey, hey, Tommy, look at me okay? Focus on me, I need you to try to breathe a little more deeply okay? Just slow down a little bit okay?”

Tommy feels his breathing even out a little bit, still a little shaky but not nearly as gasping as he had been. He pulls back from the other man and leans against the glass door that leads to the balcony, the cold seeping through his shirt at his shoulder blades and grounding him.

Duff gives him a minute to calm down, but when Tommy is lucid enough to clearly meet his eyes, he’s raising an eyebrow, “So….”

Tommy groans and covers his eyes with his hands before resolutely dragging them through his hair.

“I’m guessing you and Sixx have history then.” Duff says gently, settling against the door next to Tommy.

Tommy closes his eyes and feels the words sink into his brain. History. Images of Nikki grabbing him around the waist, the both of them giggling loudly as they dance crazy and wild in the living room, of Nikki wrapping his arms around his waist from behind randomly and pressing his lips to his shoulder softly to inhale his scent, flash before his eyes and he walks to the table where the liquor is. He grabs the first thing he sees, a bottle of vodka in an ice bucket and unscrews it to take a gulp as he stands there.

Duff nods, “Yeah, definitely history. Shit, I knew Sixx was fucked up over someone, never imagined it would be over Tommy fucking Lee.”

Tommy whips his head around to stare at the blond haired alpha, “What do you mean?”

“Dude, Nikki has been a damn mess ever since I met him. We didn’t know what his deal was, you know? Because he doesn’t do the typical rock star shit, like yeah, he drinks like no one I have ever seen and he’ll take a bump every now and again and he smokes weed whenever you offer but the whole one night stand, fucking groupies, going to strip clubs, all that other shit, he wants nothing to do with. We couldn’t believe it because Nikki Sixx is one crazy mother fucker, we thought for sure that he would have a constant rotation of omega’s and beta’s but he was never with anyone. So we asked Sammy because he’s the only one who will talk about it and he said that Sixx fucked up his shot with his true mate and he hasn’t been interested in anyone since. Guessing that was you.”

Tommy bites his lip, taking in the information and feeling his heart hurt at the thought of his alpha in pain over him. “We were always, we were always so intense you know?”

Duff doesn’t say anything, just nods and listens like he knows that Tommy needs to just talk it out.

“It was immediate, like a gasoline fire, coming to life so fucking fast but it just never, it never burned out. I think we almost half expected it to, that’s why we took a couple weeks to acknowledge it but it just never went away. Not after we confessed, not after we got together, not even after months of being a couple. It was incredible because it meant that everything was so passionate, everything was electric and so fulfilling but it was a double edged sword because when we fought, Christ, we fought hard. That’s what did it, a stupid fucking fight we should never have gotten into. He said some things, I said some terrible shit back, and then he said some really terrible shit and it just spiraled out of control until we broke and neither of us could bring ourselves out of our heart break to try to repair it.”

Duff watches Tommy as he takes another pull from the vodka bottle, his eyes are closed, brown waves still falling softly around his face and every inch of him screams longing. Sixx is a fucking lucky guy.

“You still love him.”

Tommy lowers the vodka bottle and opens his eyes and the look he gives Duff, the sad little smile, is heartbreaking, “Of course I still love him. He’s my true mate. I knew it from that very first night we met in that dingy little fucking diner.”

Duff is nodding suddenly, and it confuses Tommy because the blond alpha looks resolute as he says, “Why don’t we get some air? You go wait out there on the balcony and I’ll be right back, I’m just going tell Zutaut that you’re okay and you’re calming down so he doesn’t come bothering you.”

Tommy finds himself nodding along gently, some air would be nice and there weren’t any people out there on the balcony. So he slides the glass door open as Duff walks out of the kitchen and closes it behind him.

Zutaut had been right, California does get chilly at night but Tommy has lived here all his life and he embraces it happily. It feels nice against his stress heated skin and he walks over to lean his elbows on the wide stone railing and look out over the garden.

He’s taking another long sip from his vodka bottle when he hears the door behind him slide open and shut again and he turns around as he says, “Well that didn’t take too long.”

But it isn’t Duff standing there just a few feet away from him. Of course it isn’t. Because life isn’t fair like that and it doesn’t care what Tommy thinks he wants, it only cares about what he needs.

Which is why Nikki stands there like one of Tommy’s damn dreams. Tommy is quiet as he drinks in the sight of the alpha in front of him, eyes tracking over the familiarities of his features and noting the changes, how his body seems broader, muscles thicker than just a year ago but his face and his eyes are looking at Tommy like they always used to, with that damn expression that made Tommy feel like the most important thing in the whole damn world to Nikki.

It makes him angry.

“What do you want Sixx, I’m trying to drink myself into a stupor here.” Tommy says as he turns his back to the man so he wouldn’t have to see his eyes anymore.

“Tommy.”

The omega fucking flinches at the sound of his name like that. Nikki didn’t speak it so much as breathed it reverently, and he needed to shut that shit down right now.

“Don’t say my name like that.” Tommy snaps at him, whirling back around to face his past head on. Nikki is looking at with a determined expression that literally scares the hell out of Tommy, the omega’s eyes widening when Nikki starts walking towards him.

“Stay the fuck away from me Sixx.” Tommy warns him, but his voice is nowhere near as strong as he wants it to be, cracking underneath the weight of his emotions as Nikki gets closer to him.

Nikki just shakes his head and simply says, “No baby.”  

There are tears in Tommy’s eyes again at the pet name and he’s weakly demanding, “Don’t fucking call me that.”

But Nikki is right on top of him then and his arms are wrapping around Tommy like they belong there, one going around his waist to pull him close and the other coming up to bury his fingers in Tommy’s hair and cradle the back of his head as the omega melts into him with a sob, face buried in Nikki’s neck.

Nikki is pressing gentle kisses into his hair but he’s breathing harshly and Tommy can feel tears dropping to land on his shoulder but he’s sobbing too, shoulders shaking with his hands against Nikki’s chest, the alpha’s heart beating so fucking fast as he talks, “I know, fucking hell, baby, I know, should have done this that night, I was so stupid, Jesus Christ Tommy, baby.”

Tommy cries soften at that, just enough for him to stammer out, “What the fuck happened? What the hell happened to us?”

Nikki is pulling back just enough to look into Tommy’s face and his cheeks are wet with tears when he shakes his head again, “It was me baby. It was all fucking me. I got, I was so caught up in portraying this image of what I thought I should be and I let it get way too fucking out of hand. Fuck Tommy, I was so fucking disrespectful towards you, I should never have even let that slut come near me, let alone… fuck and even then I should have stopped it the minute you said it upset you.”

Tommy looks away to the side, his own guilt eating him up until he says, “I shouldn’t have flirted with that guy in the bar that night. It was fucking petty and I knew it was a bad idea, I was just so mad and upset and I-”

Nikki cups the side of Tommy’s face gently with one hand to turn it back to meet his gaze, calloused thumb swiping over his cheekbone to brush the tears away as they continue to fall, “You had every fucking right to do whatever you could to try to get me to see how much I was hurting you Tommy. When I saw you with him, fuck I had already been drinking and that just sent me into a rage and when I got closer and heard him fucking say that shit about taking you away from me, I just lost control for the rest of the night. I was so scared Tommy, I was so fucking scared of that happening, you have no damn idea because I knew, I knew I wasn’t good enough for you. I let that fear and my own damn fucking ego influence me and I didn’t mean a goddamn thing I said to you that night baby. If nothing else, I need you to know that. I didn’t mean a single word.”

Tommy lets the words fall over him and feels his heart break all over again at how they had let something like this ruin them, keeping his eyes locked with Nikki’s when he asks something that has kept him awake for many nights over the past year, “Why didn’t you come after me? Why didn’t you call? I was waiting for you Nikki. Do you know how much I fucking tortured myself with wanting to call but refusing to because I thought that maybe you didn’t want me around anymore? Part of me knew you still loved me, part of me knew that it was just a stupid fucking fight that got out of hand but as soon as that part of me would convince me to call, I would think about what you said and I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand the thought, the possibility that maybe that was really how you felt.”

Nikki makes a pained sound in the back of his throat, more tears tracking softly down his face as he presses his forehead into Tommy’s and the omega can’t help how his hands curl over the sides of his neck, Nikki’s pain a reflection of his own.

“I’m sorry Tommy. I’m so absolutely and completely fucking sorry. I was the moment I finished talking but the look on your face...”

Nikki suddenly releases the grip he has on Tommy and the omega feels the loss of contact in the form of a physical pain as the other man take a few steps away and looks out over the railing, “I didn’t fucking deserve you Tommy. I don’t deserve you. The expression on your face that night before you ran out the door, I did that. That was my fault, I made you feel like that and that fucking haunted me. I couldn’t call you, I was afraid that if I did, if you came back, I would do something to put that expression back on your face again eventually. You were better off without me.”

Tommy bites his lip softly. There were a million ways that he could respond to that and initially he wants to yell at Nikki that he’s a fucking idiot because not only was that completely untrue, that also wasn’t Nikki’s choice to make. But he knows Nikki, he knows him so well and being back in his arms, even as stressful and brief as it had been, has brought back in stark relief just how desperately Tommy had missed him.

“You never got it Sixx. You could never quite understand that you’re not the bad guy.”

Nikki shifts his gaze back to Tommy quickly, eyes wide and mouth open like he wants to protest but Tommy doesn’t give him the opportunity, “You’ve never been the bad guy Nikki. No matter what you think about yourself, it’s just not the truth. You try to be sometimes, but you can’t quite manage to be what you seem to think you are. Better off without you? I was fucking miserable every damn day. You hurt me that night Nik, but I hurt you too. You don’t carry the responsibility for where we are now alone.”

The alpha shakes his head, about to respond when the doors to the balcony are suddenly thrown open, a drunken couple practically falling through the doors before crowding themselves against the railing to make out without even a glance to see who was around them.

Tommy has to let out a breathy laugh as he wipes at the tear tracks on his cheeks. He remembers when he and Nikki used to be like that, their passion consuming any sense of shame or modesty. Nikki must be thinking the same thing because he’s looking at Tommy with a wistful little smile.

“Not exactly the best setting to have this conversation I guess.” Nikki sighs gently, moving a little closer to Tommy now to keep their words private.

Tommy shakes his head, wrapping his arms around himself, unsure of what to say or do now that the emotionally charged moment has been broken.

Nikki reaches a hand up to sweep through his hair, pushing it back off his face before he grimaces, obviously at war with what he’s about to say but forcing the words out anyway, “Do you want to go back to the party? It looked like you were having fun before, with… with Duff.”

Tommy can see how the statement hurts him to say, can see how hard Nikki is trying to respect that Tommy isn’t his anymore and not get possessive but Tommy doesn’t want to go back to the party. He doesn’t want to go back to flirting with Duff and pretending like Nikki is just another person in the room, like they weren’t still desperate for each other.

Tommy didn’t know a lot right now, he was confused and overwhelmed but if there was one thing he knew with certainty it was that he had never stopped loving Nikki. Even just standing here next to the alpha after everything that had happened over the last year has Tommy feeling like something in him is finally settling back into place, a warmth reawakening that piece of him that had been dormant without his bassist.

If they were going to fix this, if they had a second chance, it wasn’t going to happen with them parting ways here and acting like nothing had happened for the rest of the night.

So Tommy shakes his head, “I don’t want to go back to the party Nikki…”

The bassist lets out a long exhale, relief clear on his face before hesitating. It’s new to Tommy, to see Nikki acting so cautious, so careful and unsure.

“I could drive you home? We could talk a little more in the car, if you want?”

“It’s your party Nikki. Fuck, you guys got signed! You should stay and enjoy it.” Tommy is earnest when he says it, despite wanting nothing more than to continue talking. He doesn’t know what’s going to come of this, if it’s closure that he’s after or maybe something more, the idea of a second chance settling dangerously in his mind and in his heart the more Nikki looks at him. But just because he isn’t exactly in a party mood anymore doesn’t mean that Nikki shouldn’t stay and celebrate.

But Nikki’s lips pull into that smile that always leaves Tommy a little breathless, the alpha reaching towards him to sweep some of the curls around Tommy’s face back behind his ear, “Like I give a fuck about anything else in the world when I have the chance to stay with you just a little bit longer.”

“Nikki…” Tommy whispers his name so softly, like he couldn’t help himself, it makes Nikki shudder to hear it from the omega’s lips.

“Let me drive you home Tommy, please?” Nikki is almost begging at this point and he looks completely unbothered by this fact. So okay with pleading for just a few more minutes of his time that Tommy is nodding without even thinking about it.

“Yeah, okay. Okay Nik.”

The dark haired bassist nods in acceptance, hand coming down to rest against the small of his back and lead him through the doors. Tommy sets the bottle of vodka he had swiped back on the counter top as they move through the kitchen, not needing it as much as he had when he walked away from Nikki earlier that night.

Nikki’s hand is warm against his lower back and it lights him up in a way he hasn’t felt in the past year. Such simple contact, such a simple touch but even so, it’s eliciting more passion from him than the entire experience of the four one night stands he has had over the past year. It’s deliciously distracting, so much so that Tommy barely notices his surroundings as they move through the house, not even acknowledging anyone who calls out to him and Nikki is much the same, moving at a steady pace with single minded determination.

The valet brings Nikki’s car so fast that they barely get the opportunity to even look at each other, eyes meeting shyly and cautiously. Tommy grins when the car pulls up. He knows nearly nothing about cars, but he recognizes the sleek black vehicle as one that Nikki used to go on and on about when they were together.

Nikki notices his eyes light up in recognition and laughs softly, “My signing bonus was well spent, yeah?”

Tommy laughs along with him, suddenly so happy for the other man. He knows that Nikki’s upbringing was tumultuous, between his neglectful mother and living poor with his grandparents. Being able to buy something that he had dreamed about for years, owning something that, was absolutely incredible.

“That’s a fucking understatement.” Tommy teases as Nikki insists on opening his door instead of the valet attendant.

Nikki slides into the driver’s seat and as soon as he starts the car, the engine roaring to life, heat shoots through Tommy so abruptly he nearly gasps. Nikki just looks so good like this, just as fucking gorgeous as he always was and the whole scenario is suddenly crashing into Tommy’s head like a wave. If they hadn’t been so stupid that night, if either of them had just been brave enough to reach out sooner, Tommy would have seen this on the regular. He’d have probably been there when Nikki went to purchase the damn car in the first place.

If the past year hadn’t happened, Tommy would be able to do something about the lust rushing through him at the sight of Nikki right now. Tommy blushes when he realizes that he probably wouldn’t have hesitated to do exactly what he wanted, how he would have undone his seatbelt so he could lean over far enough to bury his face in Nikki’s lap, how he would have pressed kisses to Nikki’s length through the material of his jeans until Nikki would growl at him like he used to when he would tease. How he would have continued to go much further than that.

Nikki is inhaling sharply suddenly and the sound has Tommy blinking away the daze that he had been in just in time to hear what Nikki says, “Tommy, baby, whatever you’re thinking about, please stop.”

Tommy’s blush deepens when he realizes that sometime during his heated daze he had gotten wet. Jesus Christ, has anyone ever been able to wind him up like that just by sitting in the damn driver’s seat of a fucking car?

“Sorry…” Tommy says quietly in embarrassment and Nikki turns to him sharply, eyes dark and serious.

“Don’t ever be sorry for that Tommy. Fuck, I’m so deliriously happy that you even still… fuck, that you even want me like that. I just, you smell so fucking good babe and it’s making it really difficult to control myself and I don’t think it’s going to help us talk about everything we need to talk about if I jump you right here in my car.”

Tommy shivers, a small part of him wanting to encourage Nikki to do just that, but he was right. They had a lot to work out before coming close to that point.

So he takes a deep breath, trying to cool down a little bit and decides to tease the older man to break the tension, “You’re right Nikki, it’s just, it’s a really fucking nice car.”

The alpha laughs at that, the sound just as boisterous as Tommy remembered and it has him laughing too. Nikki quiets down to a chuckle and brings up the navigation screen.

“What’s your address babe?” Nikki asks and Tommy leans forward to put the address in, looking at the estimated time of 25 minutes and then Nikki is grinning.

“Want to see how much we can beat that time by?” Nikki challenges, voice mischievous as the engine revs and Tommy feels a tingle of excitement creep into his chest.

“Trying to impress me Nik?” Tommy asks, brown eyes bright as he looks into Nikki’s pale green ones.

Nikki grins, “Fucking always babe.”

Tommy doesn’t even have time to respond after that because he’s letting out a small surprised yelp as Nikki floors it and takes the fuck off. He hears the alpha chuckling again and he reaches out to slap his arm for scaring him but he’s laughing anyway too.

It’s so easy. So ridiculously easy falling back into the fun, playful flirting. This was how it was supposed to be, the two of them laughing as Nikki sped down the streets of Los Angeles with Tommy encouraging him to go faster, music blasting out of open windows and by the time they pull into an open space on the street outside of Tommy’s apartment, a full ten minutes faster than their navigation had said, both of their cheeks hurt from smiling.

Tommy knows his hair is an absolute wreck from the wind but Nikki’s eyes are moving over him after they park and sit there for a minute, and Tommy feels more stunning with the bassist staring at him with that look in his eyes than he does glammed out in front of the camera for work.

“I always loved when you looked at me like that.”

The words are escaping his lips before Tommy has a chance to pull them back but Nikki smiles at him softly, “Like what?”

Tommy looks down briefly, biting his lip as he thinks about it before deciding to just say it, “Like you think I’m the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen.”

Nikki’s smile grows, his eyes still warm and intense as he stares at him, “I always look at you like that.”

Tommy nods and exhales a shaky breath, “I know.”

Nikki reaches out slowly, giving Tommy time to stop him if he wants to as he cups his cheek in his hand, thumb rubbing softly over his cheekbones, “We didn’t really talk like we were supposed to.”

Tommy leans into the caress, eyes closing as he thinks over what he wants to do. He knows most people in his position would do the logical thing, the safe thing. They would tell Nikki that they can meet up tomorrow or whenever they both had free time. They would take this slow, take the time to heal together before moving on to maybe try a relationship again.

Tommy opens his eyes, knowing exactly what he wants to say.

“You could come up? To talk now, if you want.” Tommy has never been most people.

Nikki is looking at him searchingly, silent for a minute as he takes his hand away before nodding.

“Yeah, yeah, let’s talk.”

They’re quiet as Tommy scans his key card to let them into the lobby and they wait for an elevator. Nikki is looking around curiously, trying to acquaint himself with this new aspect of Tommy’s life that he missed out on.

Tommy likes his apartment. He could afford something bigger if he really wanted, but he never really felt the need for more when it was just him. A part of him reasons that maybe he just didn’t have the enthusiasm over the past year that he once did and that was why he didn’t necessarily care about having fun with his money. But still, he lived in a nice area and the building had been an old 1940’s hotel that had been renovated into apartments. His own unit is nice, with tall ceilings and massive windows that give a stunning view of the city but with that interesting old world charm that makes it unique. When they make it to the peak floor nine stories up and Tommy opens his front door, Nikki grins wide and nods to himself in some sort of approval.

“I love it T, not something I’d expect from a Gucci model but I absolutely fucking love it.”

Tommy blushes as he throws his keys and phone onto the small table by the door and takes his shoes off to get more comfortable, “Oh, you saw that huh?”

Nikki surprises him by blushing too, the older man toeing his own shoes off to match Tommy, “Uh, yeah, well... I don’t want to say that I stalked you on social media for the last six months but that’s kind of exactly what I was doing I guess.”

“Oh.” Tommy says quietly, and Nikki would be worried but the omega has a small little smile on his face.

“Yeah.” Nikki exhales, looking around as they stand in the front entrance of Tommy’s apartment.

Tommy feels nerves flood him suddenly. It was easier in the car when they had something fun to distract them but there’s something much more intimate about having Nikki in his apartment. He had tried to completely erase any sign of Nikki from his life when he had left and now the man was here, standing barefoot in his home.

He takes a shaky breath and moves to the open kitchen, needing an outlet for his nervous energy, already opening up cabinets and getting glasses down as he asks, “Do you want anything? I mean, I haven’t restocked my liquor but I have wine that someone left here if you want some.”

Tommy nearly screams when he feels hands touch his waist softly to settle and turn him around.

“Wine is good T, why don’t you sit down and I’ll get it?” Nikki asks him slowly, obviously trying to calm him down a little bit.

Tommy nods and follows Nikki’s suggestion, sitting himself down on the couch and taking a few deep breaths until Nikki hands him a glass of some sort of white wine, sitting the bottle on the coffee table and sitting down himself a respectful distance away. Tommy doesn’t know if he wishes he would move closer or further. Not sure what would settle his nerves better.

They drink quietly for a few minutes, trying to figure out where to start. There’s so much Tommy wants to say and yet everything escapes him at the moment but he has to say something and a sudden thought lights up in his head.

“Duff said that you haven’t been with anyone in the past year.”

Tommy blushes when Nikki starts coughing on the sip of wine he was taking. And he can’t really blame him, of all the places to start, Tommy chooses that.

“He fucking told you that?” Nikki groans, hand coming up to cover his eyes in what seems to be mortification.

“Don’t be mad at him, he was trying to get me to calm down and I think he could sense that we, you know that we had history and was probably just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear.” Tommy tried to sooth.

Nikki shakes his head and moves his hand but he keeps his eyes on the glass of wine in his hands, “He wasn’t.”

Tommy looks at the other man in confusion, body twisting to settle so that he’s angled towards the alpha, “He wasn’t what?”

Nikki sighs and moves so that he mirrors Tommy, looking him in the eyes again, “He wasn’t just telling you what you wanted to hear. I haven’t been with anyone in the past year.”

Tommy widens his eyes as he stares at the bassist incredulously, “Why?”

Nikki downs the rest of his wine and then sighs, “Tommy, you... you really have no idea how much it hurt me to lose you do you? I fucking, I hated myself. When you ran out, I wanted to follow you, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t get myself to move because I was so fucking angry at myself and then you didn’t come back. You didn’t call, you didn’t text. You were always so much better than me with talking things out and expressing yourself and I was being selfish again by waiting for you to reach out but when you didn’t, I fucking lost it. I didn’t want to hurt you anymore, and I thought the only way I could do that was by staying away.”

“That was stupid.” Tommy replies heatedly, “We were both so fucking stupid.”

Nikki nods solemnly, “I know. I know that now. Seeing you sitting on that table, I swear, I think my breathing just stopped. My whole body stopped. Vince literally had to drag me forward. You were just there and so damn stunning, fuck Tommy, how could I have wanted anyone after you?”

Tommy feels his eyes watering but he can’t cry anymore tonight. He thinks back to the one night stands he had while trying to forget Nikki and he feels so guilty that he’s covering his face with his free hand to hide.

“Babe, Tommy, it’s okay baby.” Nikki is scooting closer to him and gently pulling his hand away. “It’s okay if you were with someone else. You didn’t owe me shit, and besides, I wouldn’t have wanted you to go through a heat by yourself.”

Tommy’s eyes widen again and frantically catch Nikki’s gaze because no, he absolutely can’t think that.

“I didn’t spend my heat with anyone Nikki. How in the absolute hell, that was never an option. I couldn’t, you… you’re the only alpha I ever want for my heat Nik.”

Nikki growls at that and the sounds sends shivers down Tommy’s spine and heat through his lower stomach. That sound was always one of Tommy’s favorites, it was just so primal, so deep and possessive that it never failed to get him hot and now is no exception.

Nikki swallows hard and lets go of Tommy’s hand, “I think I need to go baby.”

Tommy flat out whines at that, still caught up in the headspace that Nikki’s growl had sent him into but he comes out of it quickly enough, “Wait, what, but what are we…”

“Babe, I don’t want to leave. Trust me. But between what you just said and your earlier stunt in the car… I may not be a bad guy but I’m not a saint either baby and I’m really running out of self-control here and I’m trying to respect your space.”

Tommy frowns, heat still spreading through him at the blatant desire in Nikki’s eyes. He doesn’t want Nikki to leave. It’s such a sudden but desperate thought that Tommy is reaching forward and grabbing at Nikki’s hand, “Don’t leave.”

Nikki’s eyes soften and his fingers of his free hand rake through Tommy’s hair until it rests under his jaw, “Let me take you to dinner tomorrow.”

Tommy blinks in confusion, dizzy from how all the different directions this night has gone, “Huh?”

Nikki nods and smiles nervously at him, “Dinner T. You know, like a date. Or a pre-date, or just a get together between friends who may or may not pursue each romantically after a period of healing. Whatever you want it to be, this is totally up to you-”

Tommy laughs softly and nods just to put Nikki out of his misery, “It’s a date.”

Nikki laughs, “Okay. So it’s a date.”

Tommy smiles but then Nikki is pressing a sweet kiss to the fingers of the hand Tommy had used to grab his and getting up to walk to the door.

This is good, Tommy thinks. This is beyond anything he could have ever hoped for and really, to go one day without Nikki in his life to having a date with him the next day was far faster than most people would have moved were they in his situation so he should be satisfied. He should be okay with letting Nikki leave and then going to bed by himself. That’s healthy.

Tommy is moving before he even thinks about it, “Nikki.”

The alpha turns around just in time for Tommy to wrap his arms around his neck and press their lips together and the absolute sigh of relief that Nikki lets out makes Tommy melt, releasing his own desperate little noise when Nikki’s hands find their way to his hips automatically.

They part gently, arms still around each other tightly as they stare with half lidded eyes.

“Tommy…” Nikki groans, obviously still fighting with himself about giving Tommy more time.

The omega just nudges his nose against Nikki’s cheek softly, breathing in his scent, “Stay Nikki. I want you to stay.”

Nikki nudges Tommy’s cheek back before reconnecting their lips in a brief, sweet kiss. They part again and Nikki exhales loudly, “God, Tommy.”

Tommy feels delirious when Nikki surges forward to press him against the door, lips pressing harshly against his in desperation and Tommy feels more alive than he has all year.

Nikki groans at the absolute plushness of the omega’s lips, the feeling better than he could have ever imagined after an entire year apart. He pushes harder against Tommy’s lips, dragging his hands down his sides to grip at his waist and hold him as close as possible. When Tommy gasps he can feel it and Nikki can’t help himself from running his tongue over the omega’s full bottom lip, angling his head so he can lick into the drummer’s mouth.

Nikki feels his body burning, igniting all the more at the way Tommy whines into the kiss, the way his hands reach up again to tangle in his hair, until he feels drunk off the feeling, no whiskey needed, breaking the contact of their lips to trail kisses and nips along the omega’s jaw and down his neck, firmly licking at the scent gland just underneath his ear. The moan Tommy lets out is so loud and unexpectedly high pitched, but he couldn’t have held it in for anything. Nikki is here with him, he’s touching him just the way he loves and Tommy wants this, wants it so badly and that only becomes more true when Nikki growls his approval as a wave of arousal crashes through him.

He smells so sweet, so fresh, Nikki can’t get enough as he keeps licking and nipping at the gland until he starts to smell the heat of arousal thick around Tommy’s usual honey orange scent and that, that just sets him off even more.

His hands run firmly over Tommy’s hips until they come to a stop on his ass, squeezing both cheeks and the omega keens and pushes his hips up into Nikki’s, the alpha answering with an automatic roll of his own before he grips the backs of Tommy’s perfect fucking thighs, thankful for the natural strength that comes from being an alpha as he lifts him easily to wrap those sinfully long legs around his waist, hips pinning the drummer’s to the door.

The move surprises Tommy, body heating up even more at how effortlessly Nikki lifted him, thighs trembling around the bassist’s hips as he feels himself slicking up, getting wet because of the man he loves in between his legs. It’s straight out of a dream but so much better because it’s real and Tommy uses the grip he has on Nikki’s hair to tilt his face back up and kisses him desperately.

Nikki is sharply inhaling through his nose suddenly and he pulls back from the kiss to stare sharply into Tommy’s eyes, his own pale greens dark and wild and it makes Tommy whine to see him that way again. But the alpha shakes his head, rests his forehead against the drummer’s again.

“Is this too fast babe? Do I need to slow down because shit, I can fucking smell how wet you are and if we don’t stop now, I don’t know if I’ll be able to. Tell me, tell me what you want baby.” His voice is pitched so low and his cock throbs when he smells the slick Tommy is producing, struggling to keep his hips still as he flexes his hands around the omega’s thighs.

Tommy is shaking his head, hands carding through Nikki’s long black hair and pulling him back a little to look him in the face, “Don’t stop, Nikki, alpha, don’t stop please.”

Nikki groans, hips rocking forward against Tommy’s, grinding against him deliciously as his hands move back to grip the omega’s ass to hold him up more firmly.

“Don’t fucking stop,” Tommy is saying again, dragging his lips down Nikki’s neck, whimpering at the friction between his legs and the heavy forest rain scent that blossoms on his tongue when he licks over the alpha’s scent gland, giddy at the choked moan he gets as a reward. “It’s not, ah, it’s not too fast, it’s perfect. It’s right, it’s, fucking finally Sixx.”

Nikki feels his lips pull into a smile, “Fucking finally.”

Then he pulls Tommy against him roughly with the grip he has on his ass, making sure he has him secure in his arms before he pulls them away from the door.

Tommy’s legs tighten around his hips, arms around his shoulders, and the needy noise he makes in his throat is intoxicating.

“Don’t worry baby, I won’t drop you.” Nikki teases, thinking Tommy’s gasp and tight grip are from the fear of falling. He keeps them upright as Tommy hides his face in his neck, the omega’s hands moving from his shoulders to feel where the muscles are tight and flexed in his arms.

“I know you won’t, you’re so strong, my alpha.” Tommy calls him so breathlessly, it has Nikki walking back to press him up against the wall next to the door, surging forward to devour the youngers lips in a rough kiss, running his tongue over every surface in Tommy’s mouth. His hands drag along the omega’s legs wrapped around him, up and down his waist, everywhere.

“Tommy, Tommy, fuck, I know baby. I know exactly how you like it.” Nikki thrills, biting at the base of Tommy’s neck in an instinctive bout of possession. “You like that I can carry you around, like that I can move you, shape you however I want. I could hold you up and fuck you right here baby, and you’d fucking love it, wouldn’t you.”

Tommy keens, body burning, absolutely on fire. God, he loved this, always loved how Nikki would talk, Tommy can’t believe that he had forgotten this, but he can’t say those things and expect Tommy to be able to actually answer coherently.

“Come on baby, I want to hear you say it, need to hear what you want,” Nikki whispers lowly in his ear, one hand coming up to grip Tommy’s chin to force him to look at him. Nikki’s breath rushes out of him when he sees the omega’s face, the blush staining his cheeks, curly hair messy, big brown eyes dilated and lips kiss swollen. “Need you to tell me everything you like babe, want to hear everything, want to make it so good for you.”

Tommy moans when Nikki’s hips start moving again, the alpha staring into his eyes expectantly, and really, Nikki did such a wonderful job communicating tonight, so good at starting to bring them back together like they should be, he could do this now for the other man if it means that much.

So he nods, hands clenching on Nikki’s shoulders and nosing at his neck, “I like it Nikki, it’s so good, makes me feel so good, want more baby.”

“Fuck. I’ll give it to you babe, give you anything you want, always.” Nikki pulls him away from the wall and walks him through the kitchen and into the hallway before he stops, “Where do you want me babe? You’re bed, the wall, the floor, god wherever you want, I’m there.”

Tommy laughs at the question, Nikki grinning at the sound. But Tommy quiets after a few seconds and bites his lip, eyes hooded, small smirk growing along with some of his confidence. Nikki isn’t the only one who can tease.

The omega pulls lightly on the long black strands at the base of Nikki’s hairline, reveling in the groan the alpha lets out, the way his hands tighten on his ass, “My bed baby, want you to take me in my bed, want you to get your scent all over it and me, please, alpha.”

Nikki breaths in sharply, heat punching through his gut and he starts down the hall, kicking the door open that Tommy points to, “Don’t fucking push me Tommy. I’m struggling to control myself as it is.”

“Don’t,” Tommy gasps as Nikki drops him down onto the bed before kneeling between the omega’s spread legs. Nikki stops at the word, hands kneading into the younger boy’s thighs, but not moving down and Tommy realizes that he didn’t finish his sentence. He had gotten overwhelmed by the alpha’s scent surrounding him and the notion of having Nikki in his bed like this.

“Don’t control yourself Nik, I want it, I want you so bad, can fucking handle anything you give me.” Tommy reaches up and uses a hand on Nikki’s neck to pull himself up, arching his back to peck the alpha on the lips, “I can handle you, baby.”

Nikki’s growl comes from deep in his chest as he reaches out and pulls the black tee shirt off of Tommy swiftly before pushing him back down. Tommy’s a fucking perfect omega, so fucking beautiful just like Nikki remember, long slender limbs, flat stomach, small waist. Nikki eyes the small swell of his hips through the fishnet with hunger, hands yanking his own tank top over his head and throwing it off to the side before sinking down into the omega’s arms and attaching his mouth to Tommy’s collarbones, biting harshly to hear him yelp and then soothing the mark with soft licks, moving on to suck bruises into the line of his throat. His hands smooth up the soft skin of his sides until he gets to his chest, both thumbs rubbing at his nipples.

Tommy whines, long and needy as Nikki continues the assault on his chest, fingers pinching and pulling as he sits back to watch the omega squirm, “Fuck, yeah, you can handle me. I know you can babe, I remember, you’re going to be so good for me, already making me so fucking hard sweetheart.”

Nikki abandons one of his nipples to grab a hand that Tommy has thrown over his head, bringing it down and putting it on the bulge of his cock and even through the material of his jeans, the touch is heavenly.

“Feel that babe? That’s for you, you’re making your alpha so fucking hard because you’re so goddamn hot. Want you more than anything baby.”

Tommy can’t do much at this point but moan helplessly at the words, his hand rubs at Nikki’s cock through his jeans and the omega’s mouth waters because it’s so hard and feels so big in his hand, just like it always did.

“Shit, T.” Nikki groans, ducking back down to kiss him roughly, fast, before moving down to take a nipple into his mouth, sucking gently and flicking his tongue against it, loving the way Tommy arches it further into his mouth, hands attaching to Nikki’s hair, pulling lightly and whimpering so pretty for him.

Nikki continues to kiss his way down, sucks a bruise or two into his ribs and then busies himself with making hickies across his hips as he unbuttons and unzips the tight black jean still keeping him from seeing all of the drummer.

“Nikki, mmm, feels so good, come here, please, fuckin’ want to kiss you.” And really, Nikki doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to deny his drummer anything ever again, so he moves back up Tommy’s body and kisses him deep.

The alpha feels Tommy’s hands caressing down his chest and abs, fingers tracing the indents of the lean muscle, making him groan until the omega finally reaches his jeans, undoing his own button and opening the zipper, both struggling to push each other’s pants down while still staying connected in their kiss.

Eventually they break apart in giggles when it of course doesn’t work, then Nikki kisses Tommy quickly once more before moving off him and the bed and hurriedly removing his jeans and underwear in one smooth movement. He groans at the relief of his cock being free from the tightness of his pants and when he looks up Tommy is staring at him with so much desire in his eyes, tongue coming out to wet his lips, and Nikki knows that look. He remembers that look so fucking well, it has him letting out a heated moan.

He gets back on the bed quickly and pushes Tommy down where the boy was attempting to get up with a firm hand on his chest.

“Now, now babe,” Nikki says as Tommy whines at being pushed back down, “As much as I am dying to see those pretty lips around my cock, I really don’t think I’ll last as long as I want inside of you if you do that first.”

Tommy pouts and it makes Nikki huff out a laugh in surprise, “You can blow me after baby, promise. Right now I just need to get inside of you before I go crazy.”

The omega moans and nods in acceptance, “Okay, okay Nik, just please, hurry.”

Nikki’s hands drop back down to Tommy’s hips, pushing down below the material of his pants and peeling them off slowly, eyes never leaving the omega’s until they’re completely off. Nikki’s heart pounds as his eyes run over every inch of the younger boy below him, moving to settle on his haunches so he can look at all of him. He’s so pretty, so goddamn pretty. His cock is long and thin, curving up along his pelvis, long legs smooth and slender and covered in those goddamn fishnets that drive him crazy to look at. Nikki pushes the stockings down his legs mournfully, sad to see them go but his mouth waters when he sees Tommy’s thighs glistening with slick. With his pants removed, the sweet smell of it is even stronger and Nikki feels desperation move him to grab Tommy’s ankles and drag him further down the bed so Nikki can run his hands down his legs, wrap them around the underside of his thighs and push them back towards the omega’s chest.

Tommy moans loudly at the rough action, feeling another wave of slick gush out of him at the manhandling and shivering at Nikki’s answering growl when the alpha sees it where he’s staring at him with those intense green eyes.

Tommy is fucking gorgeous ivory skin everywhere and Nikki could come just from looking at him for too long.

He has plans for now though, and as much as he wants to dive at the omega’s entrance immediately, Tommy’s thighs are driving him wild. Bending down from where he’s holding him up and open, Nikki groans when he sinks his teeth into the flesh of the inside of Tommy’s right thigh, making the boy underneath him cry out in surprise.

Tommy’s hands attach themselves to his hair again and when Nikki looks up, the omega is looking down at him, lips open and panting, expression absolutely wrecked as he whimpers when Nikki grinds his teeth into the flesh of his thigh. Nikki feels a little crazy, but he can’t stop licking and sucking at the soft skin, the taste of his slick sweet on his tongue and tempting him to move closer to the source but it’s not until Tommy begs him, strings of ‘Nik, please’ and ‘more, Nikki, god I need more’, does he move his hands to his ass, spreading him apart and giving a firm lick right over his hole.

“You’re so fucking pretty down here Tommy, so smooth and gorgeous for me babe, gonna eat you out so good.”

The broken whimper he gets is addicting and Nikki wants to hear it again, so he moves up a bit, lets Tommy’s legs fall onto his shoulders, hands groping at the firm cheeks in his palms, and presses his face in deep, tongue licking over his hole gently, gliding through his slick over and over until he firms his tongue up and feels Tommy opening up for it and drives it inside as deep as he can.

Tommy is floating, distantly he can hear himself making these embarrassing high pitched gasps with every thrust of Nikki’s tongue, arching his back and using the grip he has on the alpha’s hair to keep him in place as if the other boy had any notion of moving, but he can’t think about anything other than the pleasure he’s in. Tommy feels the pressure building in his lower stomach, heat getting too intense and his cock twitching as pre-come drips from the tip.

“Nn-Nikki, please, unnn, you have to stop, I’m gonna, ah, gonna come if you don’t s-stop.” Tommy moans and his toes curl when Nikki’s tongue rubs against the walls of his entrance.

Nikki pulls back just a little, enough for Tommy to see his lips, his nose and chin wet with his slick, his eyes are impossibly dark, jaw sharp and Tommy’s thighs tremble at the arousal that moves through him at the sight.

The alpha grins darkly when he feels it, turning to place a small kiss on the biggest bite mark he left on his thigh, “Then come babe, fucking want you to come from my mouth, I’ll make you come again when I’m inside you, don’t you worry about that.”

And then he’s diving back down, lips closing around Tommy’s rim and sucking hard while one of his hands squeezes around the omega’s cock and Tommy feels his orgasm ripped from him, body shaking and belatedly realizing that he had screamed Nikki’s name.

The alpha licks him through it, not stopping even when Tommy whines as he starts getting hard again too fast and it’s sensitive and so good it hurts a little.

Nikki pulls off with one last kiss to the omega’s thigh and moves back so that Tommy’s hips fall back down to the bed, hitching his legs up to wrap around his waist again and resting his weight on his forearms on either side of Tommy’s head so he can kiss him, groaning when Tommy starts sucking at his tongue. He rubs his hips against Tommy’s ass where it’s still tilted up a bit, cock getting wet from the slick the younger boy is still producing, the head catching on Tommy’s rim a few times.

“Nik, Nikki, need you inside me now, please, no more teasing, I’m so wet for you, ready for you, need you to fuck me, been waiting so long for it, please alpha, please.” Tommy babbles, desperate for the older boy to just slide into him already, tilting his hips up to try to get him inside.

Nikki lets out a harsh breath, “Baby, fuck, babe wait, need to get a condom.”

Tommy makes a plaintive whine in his throat before pushing at Nikki’s shoulders, the unexpected movement catching Nikki off guard so he’s easy for Tommy to push down onto his back and straddle him.

The alpha grunts when he feels Tommy reach a hand back and grab his cock, his hands flying up to hold the omega’s hips when the drummer rubs him against his entrance andTommy whimpers at the awestruck look on Nikki’s face.

“I’m clean, I’m clean Nik and I know you are too and I’m on birth control. We don’t need a condom, want to feel you in me, please baby.” Tommy bites his lip, wanting to sink down onto Nikki’s cock, has been wanting it in him since Nikki took off his pants and he saw it, big and hard and as perfect as Tommy remembered.

Nikki groans, shooting to sit up straight, mouth meeting Tommy’s in an open kiss, arms wrapping around his waist and hips and pulling him down so he sinks onto the alpha’s cock below him. Tommy feels his heart swelling as they finally start connecting in the most intimate way.

Nikki grits his teeth as inch by inch his cock disappears into Tommy’s warmth, he feels heady, light headed and Tommy is panting by the time he’s fully seated. Tommy can see the tears clinging to Nikki’s lash line as they sit still for a minute, body’s getting used to the sensation of being connected again. Nikki needs to distract himself from the surge of emotions flooding through him so he grips Tommy’s ass roughly, and talks.

“Fuck babe, fucking hell baby, you feel so good around me. Took my cock so well babe, so tight and wet, beyond my dreams, can’t wait to fuck you, can you move now sweetheart? Wanna see you fuck yourself on my cock.” Tommy’s body is a live wire listening to his alpha whispering filth in his ears and his hips start rocking without him even thinking about it when Nikki asks him to move.

He’s gentle at first, just a soft rocking motion but before he knows it he’s bouncing himself onto Nikki’s cock, hips grinding when he sinks all the way down, his alpha gripping his hips, fingers sinking into the flesh and groaning into his ear.

It feels so good, so good beyond anything Tommy has ever felt in the past year and his mind jumps back to earlier when Nikki had asked him to let him know what he liked and so he starts to tell him.

“Nngh, Nikki, oh, so good, your cock is so good, baby, I want it, want it more, want more, don’t hold back.”

Nikki snarls in his ear, throwing Tommy down against the mattress, arms over his head, before hitching his legs around his waist and sinking his cock back into his entrance. The wet sound makes Tommy squirm because he’s dripping, he doesn’t think his body has ever produced so much slick outside of a heat before. Nikki sets a brutal pace, thrusting into Tommy with smooth thrusts that end with a snap that have him moaning every time his cock punches into him.

The alpha gives his own deep, long moan when he feels Tommy purposely tightening around him, teasing him and Nikki smacks his ass once in warning.

“Be good babe, be good for me. I don’t want to have to punish you.” Nikki smirks when Tommy flushes further, gasping when Nikki sits up and grips his hips hard enough to bruise, tilting them up to change the angle and nailing his prostrate on every other thrust. Tommy’s hands latch onto his shoulders, dragging him back down so they can slip to claw at his back, rolling his hips up to meet Nikki’s in a nasty grind that makes his legs shake.

Nikki is fucking hot above him, sleek with sweat, green eyes dark and narrowed in concentration, breathing harshly through open lips. Tommy can see his abs flexing every time he thrusts into him and he is winded by the thought that this beautiful man is in his arms again. The idea has him clawing into his back more harshly, giving his own dark grin through his panting when Nikki hisses at the sensation and looks at him heatedly.

Tommy arches his back so he can bite at Nikki’s neck, sinking his own teeth into the base where it meets his shoulder and then licking at the mark, moaning into the alpha’s ear, “Mine, my alpha, mine.”

Hearing the possession in the declaration snaps something in Nikki and Tommy licks his lips at the wild look in the alpha’s eyes before the older boy is pulling out, flipping him over, pulling up on his hips and growling out a “chest down” that has Tommy automatically complying, screaming when Nikki pounds back into him from behind.

Nikki has a bruising grip on his hips and he’s forcibly moving his ass to bounce back on his cock with every thrust forward and Tommy has never been fucked this good before. He feels dumb with pleasure, crying out because Nikki is hitting him just right every single time and he’s in total control of how Tommy moves and it’s so good, he’s crying.

“You’re so fucking hot babe, and all mine. Missed you so fucking much baby. I’m yours, your alpha, but you’re my fucking omega, my baby, mine.” Nikki’s voice is all base now, gritty and he growls at how fucking good Tommy looks below him. The drummer’s long slender back is bowed, chest to the bed just like he asked, skin glistening with sweat and face contorted in pleasure. He keeps making these ‘ah, ah, ah’s’ that are driving Nikki out of his mind, moans making Nikki’s cock twitch where he’s buried inside of him.

“You look so damn hot on my cock sweetheart, never seen anything so fucking beautiful, sound so good, do you feel good baby? Tell me how good you feel taking my cock.” Nikki lifts his hips up further and Tommy screams again.

“I- ahhh, nnngh Nn-nikki, ff-fuck, ahh I can’t, mmm…” Nikki smirks at the other boy, slowing his thrusts down until he’s just grinding his cock lightly into Tommy’s prostrate, making him shiver and whimper.

“Sorry baby, I was making it hard for you to answer me, go ahead now babe, tell me how good I’m making you feel, please, need to hear it baby.” Nikki whispers in his ear, leaning over to drape across his back, pushing his cock impossibly deeper into the omega beneath him.

Tommy whines, trying to push his ass back and fuck himself on Nikki’s cock, squeezing around him unconsciously to try to entice him into thrusting again, but all he gets for his effort is a smack to his ass that has him jolting.

“Please Nikki, please don’t stop, keep fucking me, it’s so good, the best, fucking me better than anyone else could alpha, I’m so close, gonna come again for you, plea- ahhhh!”

Tommy screams again when Nikki abruptly starts fucking him even harder than before, snapping his hips so hard Tommy is pushed up the mattress until he puts his hands against the headboard, making it bang against the wall harshly with every thrust.

Nikki leans forward and licks at the back of Tommy’s neck, feels the omega squeeze tightly around him, feels his body shake.

“I love you Tommy, fucking love you so much baby, come on, come for me again. Want to feel you come on my dick.”

And then Nikki bites down, right underneath Tommy’s scent gland and Tommy moans his name so loudly as he comes, hole contracting around his cock, Nikki couldn’t hold off his own orgasm if he tried, groaning lowly as his come flows into the omega and the brief instinctual flash of an idea bursts into his mind, of breeding Tommy, of seeing him swollen with his pups growing inside of him and his heart jolts and he’s dropping kisses along every inch of skin he can reach, pulling out of the younger boy slowly.

Tommy turns around onto his back and Nikki’s hands come up to cradle his jaw, peppering his face and neck with kisses, whispering under his breath, “Love you baby, I love you so much Tommy, can’t even fucking believe this is real, you did so good, so good babe, absolutely unreal. You’re fucking amazing.”

Tommy’s tired arms come up around his back, meeting Nikki’s mouth suddenly to kiss him, once, twice, again and again.

“I love you Nikki,” Tommy says, rubbing his nose against Nikki’s cheek, eyes a bit teary from the intense pleasure of their fucking and from how loved he feels with Nikki whispering endless praise and confessions of love. “Love you so fucking much, my alpha, missed you so much.”

Nikki settles onto his back and pulls Tommy to him with an arm around his waist. Tommy nuzzles his faces into Nikki’s chest, yawning but smiling right after when he feels Nikki burying his nose in his hair and inhaling.

Tommy’s eyes are falling shut against his will, still fighting against the pull of sleep until Nikki presses a kiss against his forehead, “Sleep baby.”

~April 12th, 2018~

Tommy slowly comes into consciousness with the feeling of arms wrapped around his waist and kisses being pressed into his neck from behind. He smiles, can’t help himself when his lover is touching him like this.

“You need to be careful there Sixx, I might start expecting this kind of treatment all the time.”

Nikki pauses his kisses for a short moment and Tommy feels his lips pull into a smile of his own against his skin.

“I’ll do this every day for the rest of our lives as long as you want me Tommy.”

~May 16th, 2019~

When he wakes up, Nikki is still asleep next to him. Tommy hadn’t pulled the blinds shut the night before and the sun is filtering into the windows and making Nikki’s tan skin glow. He’s so busy looking at the man that he doesn’t even notice that Nikki is awake and staring right back at him.

“Good morning baby.”

Tommy startles a little before blushing at the soft, loving look in Nikki’s eyes. He shifts onto his side so that he’s facing the alpha, “Hi.”

Nikki smiles and moves onto his own side to mirror Tommy, hand coming up to tangle gently into his curls, “Hi.”

“So that was, beyond fucking incredible.” Tommy says it quietly, enjoying the stillness of the moment.

Nikki nods emphatically but he’s sobering up quickly, “Are you okay though, I didn’t come here with that as my intention Tommy, I really want to do this right, I need to get this right.”

Tommy arches his back to press a soft kiss to Nikki’s lips, staying close when he pulls away, “I’m perfect Nikki. Screw how anyone else would handle this, that was us baby.”

Nikki’s smile spreads back onto his face and he presses their foreheads together with a happy little sigh,  “Yeah.”

He’s about to say more but Tommy’s stomach gives a loud growl and they laugh at the interruption.

Nikki grins, “You want to add a breakfast date to today’s agenda too?”

“Only if you take me to that diner where we met.”

Tommy knows they still have a lot to talk about. They have healing to do, both individually and together. He needs to apologize, he had been the one to run off after all and even if he had a good reason, he was serious when he told Nikki that he was responsible for their split as well. He needs to apologize to Mick and Vince for having left them like that and not even being strong enough to talk to them about it.

They need to catch up on everything that had happened over the past year, but Nikki gives him an excited laugh in response to his request, practically pulling him off the bed with him to get ready to go and says, “Anything for you baby.”

And Tommy knows that they’ll get to all of that. For now though, for now, he’s fully alive with Nikki. Just like they were always meant to be.

[danddymaro]

Bucky Barnes x Reader | PT.1

It’s a Bucky Barnes x Reader thing |  Word Count: 4604 | Part 1: For what do I fight for?

Warning: There won’t be immediate romance, it won't show up till alil later. In fact, this entire series thingie won’t have too many parts to it for that matter. But it’s an idea I want to get off my chest.

Summary: They've finally found him, but the problem is getting him back.

- The story begins after the reader is separated from her two teammates (Sam and Steve). Until then it’s been narrow escapes and evasion, and to put it simply: she’s out of her league when dealing with the Assassin. How can she pull through?

Also: Italics in single quotations are thoughts -  'Example’ whereas Italics alone are flashbacks. I don’t own Marvel, or it’s characters. But this Bangin’ story? YEE.

For What Do I Fight For?

(f/n) whipped around to see the masked man’s metal arm shoot towards her neck, his seize of her missing as she briskly ducked beneath the wicked hand. Narrowly escaping his clutches, she managed to perform a countering uppercut, wasting no time or opportunity to strike him back. With her executed move, she thought she had been quick enough, that at the very least she would have knicked him, but she had no such luck. 

His head inclined back, effortlessly swerving himself from the jab, receiving nothing but a would-be brush up at best. Her balled fist tightened up in utter frustration, a low hiss escaping her with yet another failed attempt at slowing him down. 

She retracted her hand back, instead opting to drop down low, sweeping her right leg beneath him. And he tumbled down as she had hoped, but as he descended, both his hands shot towards the ground,  effortlessly pushing himself up in one quick, swift motion. 

He regained his stance far quicker than she would have ever anticipated, coming back to face her with a menacing glare, daring her to try again. Her own (e/c) colored eyes widened with alarm, a sharp gasp coming out from her in a wheezed fashion as she witnessed his easy comeback.

‘You can’t be serious...’ She thought with aggravation.

The deadly assassin had a ready counter for everything she did, finding ease with comebacks aimed towards her, almost all with the sure intention to kill and she was certain she was scraping by on luck alone...luck that had stretched far too thin by that point. 

As she inched back farther from him, her left leg stepped into an empty space, causing her to stumble forward as her impulses kicked in, moving away from the empty flooring. Behind her was a steep rock face, a seemingly endless drop awaiting her at the edge, and as she briskly glanced back down into the dark drop she felt her blood run cold, stomach dropping down hard.

She could feel it in her bones: an upcoming doom... she forebode tragedy.

‘I can't keep running anymore,’ She thought to herself, having encountered the dead end, knowing she was trapped with no other way out. ‘ But I can’t keep going like this either,’  she thought to herself, gritting her teeth and moving forward by just a few inches, antsy to have as much space in between her and  The Winter Soldier as she could, but having no choice but to move up.  

And yes... she was afraid of him....terrified. She had good reason to be:

In regards to his athleticism,  he was superior in every aspect. Superhuman strength and speed…Incredible reflexes topped with enhanced stamina. He could literally go on for hours.

Under the hot sun, an almost blinding gleam caught her attention, making her attention lay on the artificial limb at his side.

‘ And of course, there's that freaking arm…’

“ That damn arm…” she grumbled.

The gleaming prosthetic was a powerful cybernetic capable of crushing her head like a bite-sized cherry tomato. All he needed was the chance to grab her and it was all over, she was well aware of that.

She was as far away from him as she could be, which would be close to four yardsticks, and to her dismay, it was the best she could do. 

“Fuck… “ she gritted, holding her side tightly, glaring at him through stinging eyes as a mixture of filthy sweat and blood fell into them.  

He began to stalk towards her and with each step, her heart rummaging within her chest louder, sounding like A passionate Taiko performance with the nearer he drew. Her breath hitched, as her heavily palpitating muscle gave a particularly hysterical jump as a snapping twig fell beneath his stomp, her bones rattling as a result of it.

‘ I’m trying to push through, but  I can’t keep going...’ She thought to herself, feeding off of the scarce bit of resistance and fight she had in her. Hopelessly, she lolled her head back tiredly,‘ no...’ she urged, letting a shallow sigh escape her bruised, trembling lips as she knew the winter soldier practically had her at his hand’s reach and It was only a matter of time.

‘ There has to be some way...’ She assured with herself, her eyes squeezed shut together. ‘coming so far....just to fail now?’ She argued.

Just beneath the material concealing the lower portion of his face, he formed a malicious grin, watching her wavering in her stance, staggered breaths escaping through her gaping mouth. He took his time in approaching her, stalking her like a hungry wolf, knowing she couldn’t go anywhere but towards him and into her demise. And she too had been certain that the chances of her getting passed him were odds all stacked against her. At her best, she had been able to land a few strikes back, as well as evade him long enough to survive. 

But what more could she do? The plan had gone to shit...it was never supposed to be a 1 on 1...

Much more, she didn’t want to hurt him...it had never been her intention to harm him at all.  She wondered if perhaps she wouldn’t have been in the situation if she had her gun. What if she had brought some of her other weapons to aid her? 

‘  But then again, ‘ She started, who was to say he wouldn't just snatch them from her and just use it to his own advantage? ‘ Would it have fallen in his hands instead?’

‘ I don’t want to hurt him...but I can’t just let him kill me...’ She contemplated, her hand inching to take hold of the dagger strapped at her thigh, which had been the only lethal she brought with her. ‘I’m sorry,’ she thought to herself. ‘ It was never my intention,’  

However, as she opened her eyes to gaze at the blue sky, over her head she saw a dark shadow fly, cutting through the air at an incredible speed, making her heart almost burst with hope, nearly popping with the intense illation she felt fall upon her.  

There was no mistake…

‘ sam…It’s sam….’ She heaved a rapturous sigh of relief, finding new ambition and assurance pumping in her veins. It infected the rest of her, rummaging through her and waking up her lagging limbs. Her entire body felt red hot as she pulled through newfound strength that she had thought had been drained out to the last drop. She took an inhale through her nostrils and readily snapped her eyes towards the deadly menace in her presence, (e/c) eyes sharply trained onto the stalking man. Her mind blanked, only one goal in mind.... just one thing to strum her along...

‘Not today,’ She thought with assurance.

‘ Now, I’ve just gotta hold on until Sammy gets the right momentum.’  she thought with exuberance. ‘ Then we can catch Bucky and we’re done,’ she compromised with herself, knowing it was a lot harder than that. ‘ I CAN pull through...I WILL pull through,’ she thought, wiping the excess stickiness from her face with her sleeved arm. And though It was an easier task said than done, she could only hope for the best, convincing herself she could pull it off. She was right there, so close to her objective and they had all come too far along to go home empty-handed.

She owed it to him...

‘ otherwise… this would have been for nothing...We’ve come so far...And I can’t just fail now...I just have to create the perfect moment,’ she thought joyously, until she saw the assassin's eyes begin to trail up, the cold, hard gems seconds from spotting the other Avenger overhead.

Her own eyes skimmed down, and with a quick swoop, she scooped hold of a decent-sized rock, the first thing her eyes landed on. It fit perfectly in her hand, rough edges pressing against her soft palms as she crushed it in her hold. she masked her pain and worries with false bravado, mustering up a toothy smirk shot right at the winter soldier when she came back up, all of which stung as her split lip stretched.

‘Here goes,’

“Hey, asshole!” She said loudly, chucking the small jagged rock to the center of his chest, her entire arm having swung back to gain more momentum. And it seemed that for a moment time slowed down, as the action momentarily stopped the assassin, his attention falling back to her with a quick flicker, finding home with her rather than straying anywhere else. And for the billionth time, she felt a cold finger run down her spine, fear of those cold, dead stones as they shot dead at her.

The sudden action made him pause, seeming to be actually stunned by the act. However, he quickly came to, and in his eyes, she saw red, a burning fire of fury ignited within him. He began to charge at her, a fisted hand trailing behind him to connect.

He seemed to care little for the edge there, and she wasn’t sure if it was because he was truly so warped, brainwashed to believe he was nothing more than a weapon... 

A weapon, which had been broken so many times before, it’s certain it would be put back together and used again. And in a sense, there was no fear of death. No fear of the end. 

Only sleep, rest until the next time he could see light... see another day.

Or perhaps it was the contrary... Perhaps he knew his only release was death itself.  A death that would only come with recklessness feigned to be undine loyalty. Because who in their right mind would willingly let such a powerful asset simply be thrown away? Much less taken?

If that was the case, then it was certain that he would still be in there, hidden somewhere,  conscious enough to understand he wanted to be free. But Hydra would never let him go, and maybe he knew that he’d be useful for as long as they could preserve him...For as long as he lived. 

And while both ideas were heartwrenching, she was more affected at imagining the only conscious part of him being one that wanted to put himself out.

Had he tried to kill himself before? How much had be endured? All those years, how would they ever pull him back from such wretched darkness?

How much of Bucky still exited within the Winter Soldier?

Heading straight for him, she too charged, aiming herself to dive beneath the space between his legs as he dove towards her. She landed ungracefully, scraping across the ground like a hockey puck on ice, collecting more dirt to wedge itself within her gashes as she fell, and she made it known she felt pain, crying out as she slid. However, despite her nasty land,  with a pained, low moan, she lifted her body from the ground.  

She forced herself on all fours, shakily rising with heavy huffs, barely managing to stand on her wobbly legs. She then turned to see Sam’s back facing her, his mechanical wings out wide, stretching to their full length, and through her slightly blurred vision, he looked angelic, like a sort of mechanical angel fallen from the sky.

With two palms striking The Winter Soldier at the center of his chest, Sam had managed to get him off his feet and onto the ground. Executing a swift, rolling land, the dark-skinned man then stopped to stand at his two feet, immediately falling into a defensive stance right before the stoney eyed man, all while shielding his injured comrade. 

Sam relied on his own eyesight as the goggles he usually wore had broken earlier on upon being thrown headfirst into an old, thick tree trunk by the assassin. His lenses had shattered, making him throw them aside as they were rendered useless and a hindrance by that point.

He could still feel the icy touch of his metal hand, gripping the back of his head like a small cantaloupe and practically chucking it towards the wooden bark, all without so much as a hint of hesitation. And it hadn’t ended there, the ruthless man wanted to get rid of him once and for all, bloodied intentions in mind. Shivers went up his spine as he felt a throbbing begin to rack his brain again In remembrance.

If she hadn’t intervened he would have ended up with worse damage…If she hadn’t taken the assassin's focus all on her, he would have been pushed into the rough bark a third time, left with a shattered skull.

The two outstretched wings then slid back into their placement in a quick motion, all in the time she took a hard, slow blink.

“You ok?” He said worriedly, his eyes still forward with caution.  He was aware she was in a way worse condition than he was because she had endured more than he had at that point. She had been the one to keep the closest and longest fight against the Assasin, and so of course, he was naturally worried for her. 

He didn’t hear a clear response from her, only a soft puff, small and shaky draw from her two parted lips as she struggled to find a good breath. But even so, she was smiling, happy to have him there, happy to know there was hope at completing the objective.

‘We’re almost there...’ She thought with hope.

setting his eyes on the now standing woman, an ugly, twisted expression formed over his face as he realized just how much the other man had brutalized his friend.

 ‘She doesn't look good,’ he thought grimacing, before turning back to the direction of their target. He had a second to register before being hit square in the jaw by a tightened, brute fist, making him skidded back, falling right into (f/n)’s own body. Luckily, she caught him with steady hands as an immediate response, letting him compose himself easily and bounce back from the strike.

“Son of a bitch,”  Sam said sneering, extending his jaw out, moving it left and right. He had to make sure the thing hadn’t broken with such an impact, because he could have sworn he heard a crack. 

‘I’m sure I saw her take more than a handful of those,’  he thought to himself, and that was only the bit of their battle he had caught, so to say the least, he was impressed with her resistance. Proud. 

He then landed a punch to the long-haired assassin’s lower jaw,  followed with the opposite fist to his temple. 

Sam Wilson might not have had the enhanced strength the other two soldiers had possessed, but it wasn't going to stop him. He knew that there was nothing more than himself that stopped him from progressing, from getting through anything and everything.  

Dried blood, similar to a rustic color peeked through her fringe, strands of (h/c) sticking to it and her forhead, and while she couldn’t see it, she could definitely feel the crusty ruggedness of the dried gore as well as warm ooziness over her head. Slowly,  she slid her hand up her forehead to grip her pulsing temple, running the digits through the back of her head to feel nothing but warm crimson fluid cover her palm. 

Horror washed over her as she noticed just how much had covered the extremity after she brought it up to her vision. 

Fresh scarlet, still warm and oozing thickly made her breath hitch, her face twitching with both terror and alarm. The sight of the reeking, metallic pungency making her stomach churn, and it was like she felt the pain come forth full force. The overwhelming scent of death she only then had taken notice of made her feel a rise of bile, the contents within her stomach whirling around in a wild spin.  “I think… I think I need to lie down…” she groaned, loling her head back, starting to see black spots scattered over her vision. 

Batting her eyes repeatedly, she attempted to shoo them away, but they only expanded, her sight also beginning to grow blurry with daze.

“(F/n)!? (f/n)!! What are you doing! We’re not done yet!  he looks pissed,” Sam said backing up in front of the waving woman, putting a protective hand in front of himself, and another extended out towards her. He took a quick look back at her, watching her swaying, cursing beneath his breath as she wobbled, her legs beginning to buckle.

“Come on (f/n)! Damn it,  stay awake!” he exclaimed, ducking beneath a swung fist, his palm jutting back, shoving her away with harsh force, saving both of them from the merciless, metal fist being swung.

She felt his hand placed at the center of her chest, pushing her back roughly, making her stumble and fall right on her ass before her upper body fell to the ground’s surface. And unlike before where she stood up, this time around she was frozen, chilled to the bone from within with fear, and so much more she couldn't identify.

As an agent, she never had truly faced death. She’s never even knocked on her doorway, because everything had always gone so smoothly, so easily to her. But here she was, freezing… right in the middle of a fight. When it really mattered, all she could do was lay back and wallow into the cold darkness.

‘I can’t move...’ she thought to herself, feeling her body run cold and motionless, the pain from all her wounds crying out. Every blink she pulled through made her sink further into sluggishness, slipping from wake.

‘Why can’t I move?’ she wondered, sinking further into a soundless void. the outside world, as well as the battle just a few feet away became meaningless to her, almost slipping out from her mindset.

‘ Why can’t I just get up?’ She thought to herself, her eyelids coming down over her glazed over (e/c) colored drops. And just like that, she was sent into quiet darkness.

“Every time I think you’re about to give in, You get right back up,” She said with amazement, her (e/c) eyes falling upon the lovely moonlight, it’s illuminated face smiling down on the earth. 

“How do you do that captain?” She asked the blonde-haired man, her eyes still set up on the night sky, because it was just too much of a prepossessing beauty to stray from in her eyes. 

The lovely moon had come out, taking the stage up high alone and stealing the show, the fullness of it making up for the absence of stars.

He gave a huff of amusement, his thumb lightly grazing over the closed locket in his hand as her infectious smile rose a gentle one from him.

She was over the moon at being accepted by the rest of the team, the joy still present even after her 6-month mark of being an official Avenger. And he thought it was just adorable, seeing her still so enthusiastic and eager.

“ How do I do it…” he repeated her question with thought, not taking long to answer, “It’s easy, actually,” he started. Leaning in closer, her (e/c) eyes looked directly at him with attentiveness while she nodded, urging him to continue. “There’s not much to it (f/n), you simply find that reason. Because there will always be a reason to fight. There will always be a why… “ He explained to her. “I know you probably expected something more inspiring, but that's all I really have to advise you on,” he said watching her as she pursed her lips.

“When your right there, when it feels like you can't go on any longer. You’ll close your eyes, if only for a second... And there will be one thing that comes to mind. It could be a person... a place...or a thing you want to see again. No matter how impossible it can be.” He said stuffing the locket in his beige pant’s pockets.

Understanding she nodded, “So what do you think of ?” she asked him, curious. What did The Captain America believe to be precious? What exactly moved him?

Sure, of course, she was his friend. She came to be well associated with him before she had been initiated into the team, but even then she still saw him as somewhat of an icon, someone above normal...extraordinary. He was someone to admire and follow footsteps from, and she wanted to learn everything she could. She wanted to one day be like him if she could.

And who knows, maybe then she’d have others who admire her, and then she’d become their icon. Then she could be the one to show them the way...

“I think of you,” He told her immediately, without so much as an eyebat, looking directly her with a smile. “ I think of Tony...of Nat… Bruce…Clint... I think of Thor…of Sam…” he told her, “ ...I think of Buck who's still somewhere out there,” he admitted, “I think about us sitting down together, eating take out, fighting over what we want to watch. You know, those boring days... And I think about having him there with us… “ he trailed off, a shaky sigh leaving him, “I can’t go back to my past… but I can always help shape the future. I’ll always keep getting up for you all,”

He always managed to give out a nice little speech, something to just make you want to follow him even through the chaos. Even Tony begrudgingly agreed on that matter, and his response near winded her as she felt it’s effect. “ You know, I don’t think we’d be able to function without you,” she admitted. Flattered, he huffed in amusement, “ Everyone does their part, I don't think we’d be able to function without even one of us missing. In fact, I think together we bring out the best in each other and pick up where we have our flaws.”

“It’s just like a family, right?” she asked him, somewhat hesitant at making the comparison until of course, his eyes sparkled at the idea. It showed her he was peaked by her thought, and it made her unafraid to admit what they all truly meant to her.

 “ To be very honest Steve, That's the way I usually see this... A family who has each other's back,” she added, and wordlessly, he nodded. He was happy she felt at home. He was happy she felt the same.

“ I’m sure the others feel the same,” he assured her, knowing that more than one of the members had little to nothing besides their formed group, finding joy and acceptance despite their pasts.

Silence fell between them and hugging her knees, (f/n) lolled her head to the side to land on Steve’s shoulder, her mind on one particular person he mentioned, because she just couldn’t shake him off.

“You’ll get him back,” she said softly.

“...You think?” he asked her somewhat shakily. He wanted to believe it was possible, he wanted to think that somehow the Bucky he knew was there. “ The last time I had seen him was so long ago... in time to far out of my grasp now. I hadn’t even had time to mourn him, or even go back to look for him,” he told her, “ And when I realized where I had woken up, I thought I lost everything.”

‘But now I know he’s out there somewhere. I know he exists in there,’ he thought to himself, knowing that had he not been in there, he wouldn’t have pulled him out of the water. 

“ I’ don’t plan to lose him ever again,” He told her.

“ Well, I think you can do anything,” she told him, “ I think you're stubborn enough to manage getting him back,” she admitted giggling at the small jab she gave him, “And then he can see you throw fits when you lose at monopoly,” she added, chuckling as she tried to lighten the mood.

“Corrupt monopoly isn't a thing,” he said hanging his head. “And besides, you and Tony are the first to attack each other,”  he corrected her. “ But you know what, I am sure he’d get a kick out of seeing you throw a fit at Uno,”  he told her, snickering. “That’s always a treat,” he mused.

“You can’t tell me you don't think Clint’s holding cards right?!” she asked him with wonder. “ He always ends up with the good ones!” She said sitting up straight, her arms crossed over her chest. 

No one was that lucky... 

“ Besides, he always manages to put in that wacky draw 20 he made...And say...now that I think about it...I’m pretty sure we’ve been playing the game wrong.” She said with realization.

“We have,”  Steve told her, having actually taken the time to read the instructions, and he probably was the only one to bother. “ But it’s more fun that way,” he told her. After he had read them, he had shaken his head, tucking it back, deciding their version was much better by a long shot, no matter how crooked and off it was.

Snorting she threw her head back with laughter, thinking back to their game nights, “Yeah, your right,” she agreed happily.

Joy, she felt absolute joy... happiness. She felt acceptance and love...all the lovely things that made the small moments of ache worthwhile. 

(f/n)’s finger twitched, a small groan coming out from her.

‘The thing I want to see again,’ She thought to herself.  ‘ What I want to protect...What makes me happy...’ 

‘ It hasn’t happened yet, we're not there... not yet.’ She reminded herself. It wasn’t just because it was her mission that she had been so driven. It was the significance of it, the gain. 

At first, she did it all for the first avenger, wanting nothing more than to see him happy, to help her friend get back the last missing piece of his life. Because he deserved that joy.

But then, the more she chased after Barnes, the more she learned about him, the more she began to think of him as a person. She then invested more of herself, finding herself feeling more than just sympathy for her friend, almost like she had been someone who had known Bucky herself... like she owed it to the man to make the effort for him.  

 He had become someone important and not simply just an objective.

She had begun to care for him, feeling pain at knowing the things he’d been subjugated to, making her grow desperate to make him remember who he was...

‘I can’t give in yet,’ She reminded herself, her (e/c) eyes hardening as they gazed forward, ‘This is for you... To help you... to save you, friend.’

She thought of all the beautiful moments they could live together, the smiling blonde as he held the man that was practically his brother near him, for once truly happy...

And that’s what she envisioned, what made her push forward. That was what she fought for, what made her get up, rising to her feet, and before she could register it, she was already moving forward. She chucked away her fear, the fear she had of failing... the fear she had of lady death...the fear she had of the winter soldier.

And she focused on Bucky, the person who it all had become about.

Next Part: Shooting down hope

(Link Fixed)

\ (｡･｀ω´･｡) /  So many tags!

[gamzee-the-capricious-fanfic]

Chapter 7

You don’t know how long you lay there, getting soaked by the rain. You just don’t feel like getting up, or you can’t. You are unsure which is the case.You check your phone again, you’ve been there for an hour since you last checked. And yet, still no Karkat. You don’t even have the energy to laugh now. But, you have to get up. Maybe.. Maybe Karkat is in trouble or something? You take a couple deep breaths, trying not to choke on your blood and such, and steel yourself. You struggle to get up, your body screaming at you to just be still. You are so sore everywhere but you know you have to leave. You hiss in pain and manage to get to your feet, leaning heavily on the brick wall. You breathe shakily for a moment before you start moving, walking slowly in the direction of the dorm building. You just have to keep walking. 

You don’t know how long it took you to reach the dorm building but it felt like forever. It’s dark now so no one appears to be around. You enter the building and the person at the desks seems to be asleep, great job bro. The elevator appears to be out of order so you struggle with the stairs. Once you get to the second floor you have to lean against the wall for a minute panting before you can continue on towards your room. At least now you can use the wall as your crutch huh. It takes a minute to realize that you’ve been leaving a bloody trail but honestly you don’t care that much. Purple you can deal with. If you were trailing blue then… you don’t want to think about anything blue for a long time. 

Finally you reach your door. You test to see if the door is locked, it isn’t so you enter. Immediately you see what had Karkat distracted all this time. He’s on the couch making out with Dave, you see Dave’s hands up Karkat’s sweater running along his sides before he notices you and makes a surprised sound. His face goes pale immediately, you’re not sure what you look like right now but you imagine it isn’t good. Especially with your tongue still kind of bleeding and the blood getting all down your face. Karkat yelps noticing you, but, he’s not looking at you, his face is all red but his eyes stay on the ground. “O-oh uh, It’s totally uh not- well i mean, It kind of is uh-” He goes on but you don’t care. It’s hard to care about anything right now, you're just angry, but even that feels dull. You turn and head toward the kitchen, it’s not as though you can reply to Karkat anyway. 

You grab a metal spoon and study it for a second, it should work you think. You then turn on one of the burners of the stove. Karkat is still rambling and Dave just watches you looking unsure if he should say anything or not. You place the spoon over the flame and watch as it gets hot. Karkat finally stops rambling and looks up at you. “Look Gamzee I’m sor-- Oh god what happened!” He looks horrified looking at you, you just give him an empty bloody smile and shrug nonchalantly. Then you take the hot spoon and bring it to your mouth pressing it against the bloody part of your tongue hopefully cauterizing it. You hiss softly at the pain but don’t react otherwise. Karkat looks like he is going to be sick. Once the spoon has done its job you think about throwing it the sink but decide to throw it away instead. 

You proceed to ignore Karkat as he approaches you and you head towards the bedroom. When you open the door though Tavros is there rubbing his eyes sleepily. “Uh,, what's going on?” 

You freeze for a second, you can’t face Tavros right now. Not after what happened. You abruptly turn and rush out of the dorm room heading immediately towards the bathroom. Karkat, unfortunately, follows you. As you fumble with the door he finally seems to check his phone. He gasps but again you don’t give him time to say anything, you enter the bathroom and slam the door in his face. That won’t stop him probably but maybe he will reconsider following you. You head towards the shower block and you hear the door open behind you. You growl in annoyance. “Gamzee, stop, just stop and come here please.” 

If you could say no you would, but even then it sure doesn’t seem like anyone is going to respect that regardless. You just keep walking to the shower block, you enter one of the showers and close the curtain in Karkat’s face. “Goddamit Gamzee!” 

He just rips aside the curtain and stares you down. You lean back against that wall with a sigh. You don’t look at him, focusing on the wall instead. “Gamzee, look at me, what happened.” 

You say nothing, you can’t, and you don’t want to. The two of you stand in silence for a minute, him staring at you and you staring intently at the wall. “Look… I’m sorry Gamzee. I wasn’t there for you.” You scoff. “Hush I’m not done. I wasn’t there but I am here now, and I want to help you.” Another long moment passes. “D-...Do you not want to be moirails anymore?” 

He says that last bit quietly. You sigh softly, you are beyond angry, and you are hurt but… still, you don’t think you want to break up with Karkat. You look at him and shake your head no. Karkat looks slightly relieved but then he looks concerned again. “Gamzee… Can you not talk?” 

You look away again. His voice is a little shaky. “That’s a shit way of saying yes fuckass.”

You shrug. “Well… let's get you cleaned up then. Give me a second and I’ll get you a towel and some clothes ok? Don’t go running off ok?”

You nod, all the energy you had a minute ago disappears and it’s all you can do to just stand right now. Again you are feeling the pain all over your body more acutely. He runs off to get the stuff and you slump to the floor with a soft whimper of pain. You start trembling a bit. You try desperately not to think about what happened but it flashes in your mind. You bring your knees up to your chest. You know you should feel safe where you are but you still feel scared in a way. You realize you don’t want to be alone and you hope Karkat hurries up. You knaw on your lip anxiously until you hear the bathroom door open. A mix of fear and relief goes through you until you see it is Karkat again and then it is just relief. “Are you ok?” 

You nod shakily. He doesn’t look as though he believes you but he sets down your clothes and a towel. “Uh, so, do you need any help getting cleaned up?” 

You shake your head vehemently. “Ok ok jeez, just trying to help.” 

You struggle to your feet wheezing a bit, your ribs really hurt, and your core, and, well, everything you guess. Karkat gives you another concerned look, probably guessing that you are more hurt than you may appear. He starts towards you to help but you wave him away. “I’m fi…” That’s all you can manage, you are unable to make an ‘n’ sound. And even then your voice is very hoarse as it is so you are not sure he understood at all. He gives you a pitying look. You just close the curtain on him again, gentler this time. You then just turn the water on, all the way hot, and with your clothes still on. You were wet from the rain anyway and well, you can’t bare to take them off just yet. You flinch slightly at the scalding water and turn it down just slightly. “Hey dipshit, usually when you take a shower you remove your clothes first, or at the very least your shoes maybe???” 

You kick your shoes and socks off and kick them under the shower curtain. “Great Gamzee, A+ job there.” You chuckle just a bit at his sarcasm. You realize then that your phone is still in your pocket, fuck. You hastily grab it and open the shower curtain slightly to toss it to Karkat. He yelps but manages to grab it. You close the curtain again and sigh. You know you have to take your clothes off eventually but… It’s hard. You just stand under the water for a few minutes until Karkat taps on the wall. “Hey, are you ok? You aren’t dead or anything are you?” You huff loudly. “Ok, I was just checking, sounds like you haven’t removed your clothes or anything so, just wanted to know if you need help.”

You sigh for what feels like the billionth time and then you slowly manage to get your shirt off and you proceed to just unceremoniously toss it on the ground. But you stop there. That was the easy part. You bite your lip again. You know you have to do it. You shudder and close your eyes, as if that will make it better, but you reach down and start pulling your pants off. You manage to get them off but you still don’t open your eyes. You are afraid to see yourself. You take a deep breath, which hurts like hell, and you open your eyes. You look downwards, your sides are bruised badly, you are still pretty sure some ribs are broken. Looking a bit further makes you freeze, blue. It’s too much and you just collapse to your knees taking shuddery panicked breaths. Tears sting your eyes and you can’t hold it back anymore. You sob brokenly curling more into yourself. Your whole body shakes with your sobs and it hurts but you can’t stop. 

You are vaguely aware of the shower curtain opening and Karkat kneeling beside you. He pulls you close to him and you cling to him desperately still sobbing. He sits there and holds you getting his clothing all wet while he’s at it until you stop crying. He purrs soothingly and rubs your back. He’s murmuring softly. “You’re ok, I’m here.” 

You sniffle and whimper and he gently shooshpaps you. "Just let me help you Gam, ok?" 

You just nod slightly. He hesitates for a second. "Then… I'm going to help you get cleaned up ok?" 

You just nod again burying your face into his shoulder,  the wet fabric of his shirt is warm. You feel bad about that, but at the same time you are glad he is here with you. He shifts slightly as if unsure what to do. “Gamzee, you are probably going to have to sit up for me, can’t really see what i’m working with with you all curled up as it is. Uh, not that I’m trying to like look at you because you're naked but well kinda uh need to to help so uh.” He continues on for a while. You reach up and pap his face softly. “Damn I’m sounding like Tavros huh?” You huff. “Ok c’mon, I know you guys are dating but you can’t lie and say he doesn’t stutter and say ‘uh’ a lot.” 

You just slowly sit up a bit and give him a look, it’s not as though he is wrong per se but he probably shouldn’t make comments like that to you especially when you and Tavros are togeth… You look away from him, staring at the wall again. You are not really sure anymore whether Tavros would really want to be with you now if he knew. He pats your shoulder then lightly pushes you to sit up straighter. You just obey. You hear him gasp softly and it takes all of your self control to not curl back up into a ball. “Oh Gamzee…” 

You shake your head, you don’t want to hear it, you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t want to think about it. He heeds your warning luckily, you are not sure you could handle it if he decided to push the issue. You hear him move and you glance over to see him grabbing your discarded shirt. “I don’t really have a towel so I’m going to use this.” 

You nod, you probably weren’t going to keep that shirt anyway. He moves back over to you and you look away again. He gently touches your back and you feel the sodden fabric of your shirt touch your thigh, you flinch slightly. He purrs soothingly rubbing your back. You tremble a bit as he gently scrubs your thighs. He spends a few minutes cleaning you up before he is done and you breathe in a shaky breath of relief. He helps you up to your feet and you lean against the wall. He turns the water off then reaches for your towel. He hands it to you and you wrap it around your waist. “You still doing ok?” 

You nod and he smiles slightly. “Now don’t dry yourself off just yet ok? You were out in the rain for a while, right?” You nod again. “I think maybe you ought to sit in the bath for a bit then. Pretty sure I heard that was a good idea somewhere.” 

You shrug, you don’t particularly want to be naked for any longer than necessary but you also don’t have the energy to argue with Karkat over it. He grabs your dry clothes and your hand and guides you over to the bathing area. You watch him as he fills up the tub with warm water. You shiver from the cold slightly, you think you would have been fine had he just let you dry off and get dressed but whatever you guess. At least this way you get to avoid Tavros longer. Hopefully he will have fallen asleep again  by the time Karkat is done with you. “Hey, stop zoning out fuckass, the tub is ready, get in while I go toss your other clothes ok?”

You nod and he walks off. With a sigh you take the towel off again and slip into the tub. You sit with your knees drawn up to your chest, making yourself as small as possible. You sit like that for the few minutes it takes Karkat to come back. When you glance at him you realize what took him a bit, he’s got clothes and a towel for himself and a bottle of shampoo. You cock your head curiously. “Look, we both know that you didn’t clean up super properly like you know, your hair soooo I figured we may as well take care of that too.” 

Oh god does Karkat have some weird thing about wanting to clean you or something. Regardless it makes you laugh slightly. At least it's cute and harmless. “Har de har I fucking know, just accept it, I’m cleaning your hair.” 

His face is a bit red. You smile a bit, lil fucker is cute. When he starts tugging his shirt off however you raise an eyebrow at him. “Oh hush, I’m just getting in there with you.” 

“Wha?” You manage to choke out. 

“I don’t mean that in a weird way, I’m not getting all the way naked or anything, I’m just fucking cold.” 

He glares at you till you look away from him. You roll your eyes and huff softly before looking away so he can undress. The sounds of him undressing however makes you a little uncomfortable. After all, just a couple hours ago that sound meant pain. You gnaw on your lip anxiously. Obviously you know it is Karkat and he would never hurt you like that but still. You hear him slip into the tub behind you and he places a warm hand on your back reassuringly. He then dumps some cold ass shampoo onto your head but when he lathers it into your hair it feels amazing. You let out a little rough sounding purr, it hurts your sides but fuck it you don’t really care. It is 100 times more soothing having Karkat wash your hair than when he had to help you earlier.

Once your hair is cleaned up Karkat hops out of the tub, dries off, then gets dressed. He orders you to stay put for a bit longer till he comes back. You watch him leave then proceed to ignore that. You are tired of chilling out naked right now and you would love nothing more than to put your clothes on and then maybe never ever take them off again. You get out of the tub and dry yourself off with record speed before tugging your clothes on. You just manage to get fully dressed by the time Karkat comes back. “Gamzee. I told you to stay put! We still need to take care of your injuries!” 

You groan then shake your head vehemently. Karkat sighs. “Fine. We won’t do it now, but you are going to get thoroughly checked out in the morning.” 

You grumble about that. Hopefully if you get your way that won’t happen at all. He extends his hand out towards you and you take it. You both head back towards the dorm room. “I told the others to leave you alone for now Gam so don’t worry, they aren’t going to bombard you with questions or anything.” 

You wish you could tell Karkat how thankful you are to hear that but he seems to understand anyway as he smiles back towards you. You guys enter the dorm room, the living area is empty so presumably everyone is in the bedroom area. You falter a bit as Karkat tries to guide you towards the bedroom. He frowns back towards you. “Gamzee I promise it is going to be fine, they aren’t going to ask you anything and I’m pretty sure Tavros is asleep anyway if that is what you are worried about.” 

You hesitate a moment longer. “Would you rather sleep on the couch then Gam? I don’t really think that is going to make anything better in the morning.” 

You sigh defeated and let Karkat pull you into the bedroom. When you start to turn towards your bunk Karkat tugs your arm. When you look at him confused he gestures to his bed then whispers softly. “You can barely walk Gam, I don’t think attempting to climb into your bunk is such a good idea.” 

You suppose he is right.You follow him to his bed and he makes you get in first. You lay with your back against the wall as he curls up beside you. His body is warm beside you and he starts to purr as you wrap your arms around him holding him close. You feel comforted, you aren’t sure how you would have gotten through this without him. Even though he wasn’t there for you earlier you know he wished he had been. You sniffle a bit and he softly shooshes you. You cry silently and he comforts you until you both fall asleep.

[robinrunsfiction]

Late Dawns and Early Sunsets Part 4

Part 3

Author’s Note: I wanna give a huge shout out to @pest-ill-ence whose idea this was initially, and has been working with me along the way with it! Enjoy!

Ray had the most first aid knowledge in the house and came up to bandage your ankle to the best of his ability later that night. He told you that you were lucky to be wearing your combat boots, or else the ankle would have broken, and you were given strict orders to stay off it. You noticed Frank hovering by the door with the same concerned expression on his face that you saw in the dentist office, but he left as Ray finished.

Over the next couple days, you waited impatiently for someone to find crutches for you, but it was proving to be difficult. Everyone insisted that they were looking while they could, and it was not just a scheme to keep you around. In the meantime, you stayed in your room, as you refused to let anyone carry you around.

“Hey (YN),” Frank said from the doorway to your room one afternoon. “I got you something.”

“Crutches?” You asked excitedly.

“No, better.”

Your face fell. “There is literally nothing that would be better than crutches for me right now. And why did you get me something?”

“Because you saved me.”

You groaned. “Fuck, does that mean I owe you something for saving me? Because you went against my demands not to, so...”

“Nah, you’ll need this anyway,” he said pulling an aluminum bat from behind his back. “Meet Lou 2,” he said as he presented it to you.

“Oh, I like,” you murmured as you took the bat in your hands and felt the weight of it.

“Now I can call you Harley Quinn without Gee correcting me.”

“Well thanks, I’ll need it when I go.”

Frank’s face fell. “You’re still gonna go?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you have friends here. We all think you’re rad and you’re safer here. We're safer having you here.”

You stared straight ahead as the words ran through you mind. Friends. Safety. It went against your nature to want these things, and yet you were wondering if you wouldn’t be better off here after all.

“Besides, I’ll just follow you,” Frank said.

“It would surprise me if you didn’t,” you replied. You couldn’t help but smile again.

~

As you recovered, Gee, Mikey, and Ray would stop in to kill time with you. Patrick, Dallon, Ryan and Nicole came by a few times as well, but your most frequent visitor by far was Frank. A few days after your injury, you were sitting up in your room, deep in thought for what felt like the billionth hour when Frank appeared at the door again.

“How you doing?” he asked. You snapped out of your trance and looked up at him.

“I’m ok,” you paused, considering what you had on your mind. “I never said thanks for getting me back here, so thank you. And for the new bat. To be honest, I dunno if I would have done the same if I was in your place,” you admitted while not actually making eye contact with Frank.

“You aren’t that heartless.”                                                  

You looked up at him skeptically. “You saw what I did to that guy from The Silencers.”

“Yea, to save me. Admit it, you like me,” he said with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood.

“I like…” you paused again. “Your style.”

“My style?” he asked walking into the room and sitting backward in the chair across from you.

“Yea, that,” you said gesturing to how he was sitting. “The punk thing. The lip ring, the tattoos, the tore up jeans. That black eye is working for you too.”

“(YN), are you flirting with me?” he said with a shit eating grin.

“Shut up,” you snapped. You felt a slight blush on your cheeks and hoped he didn’t notice.

“Ray says we're a lot alike.”

You wrinkled your nose at the idea.

“Yea, I mean our style isn’t that different. And we kinda have the same attitude.”

“Bullshit! I’m so much more sensible than you.”

Frank looked at you like you were nuts. “I’d say we're about even. You did charge into a fight when we were out numbered and jumped out of a window.”

“Any reasonable person would have jumped out of that window in that situation.”

“If you say so,” he said with a laugh.

~

By that night you were sick of being stuck in your room, so you decided to escape out the window for some fresh air. You had so much on your mind still, you thought it might help.

“(YN)? Where ar- How the hell did you get out there?” You heard Frank ask from inside.

“Magic.”

Frank climbed out the window and sat down beside you. “Sure you should be out here?”

“As long as I don’t have to jump, I think I’ll be fine.” You said laying back to stare up at the night sky. “It just isn’t the same, is it?”

“What?”

“The sky. I’ve been waiting for it to fall down for years since the walkers came.”

Frank looked over at you and nodded.

“You know, all the stars I wished on as a kid were probably fucking satellites, that’s why none of my wishes came true,” you continued. You had been sitting alone with your thoughts for so long, it felt cathartic to be getting them out. “What good is any of it anyway? The only person you can rely on is yourself damnit. No one else.”

“You know that isn’t true,” Frank said quietly.

You felt the sting of tears burn against your eyes. He was right, you didn’t believe what you were saying about being alone. This group had taken you in, no questions asked, and you were better off for it.

“The only reason I even keep going is out of spite toward this whole damn world.” You squeezed your eyes shut and hoped Frank would be gone when you opened them. He wasn’t.

“Me too.”

You sat up and looked at him. You didn’t know how you expected him to respond, but you were still surprised.

“The world doesn’t want us to survive and that’s exactly why we have to,” he said looking over at you. “We have to live as a big fuck you to whoever and whatever wants us dead.”

"Yea,” you murmured quietly, nodding. He scooted closer to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulder. You didn’t flinch, you didn’t pull back, you didn’t fight. You rested your head against his shoulder. You let a few tears roll down your cheeks. He rested his head against yours and rubbed your arm.

“You’re the fucking coolest, (YN),” Frank said quietly after a few minutes of silence. “I really don’t want you to go. I was serious, I’ll just follow you.”

“I’m gonna stay.”

Part 5

[evilwriter37]

Shitty But Accurate Chapter Titles (The Complete Version)

Prologue - Hehehe

Chapter 1 - Stop Now, Kids

Chapter 2 - Waiting for Everything to Go to Shit

Chapter 3 - Fun. Nightmares.

Chapter 4 - Hiccup Gets Kidnapped for the Billionth Time in His Life

Chapter 5 - I Received Death Threats

Chapter 6 - People Be Upset

Chapter 7 - That Was a Perfectly Good Tail Fin

Chapter 8 - Screw Snakes on a Plane. We’ve Got Gays on a Boat.

Chapter 9 - Damn! Emotions!

Chapter 10 - Tuffnut's Drinking the Weird Tea Again

Chapter 11 - Viggo Doesn’t Buy It ‘Cause He’s Smart

Chapter 12 - Fuck Gender Roles: She’s the Chief.

Chapter 13 - I Don’t Think That’s How Kissing Works

Chapter 14 - Tying People to Poles is So Romantic

Chapter 15 - Torture. Wow, What a Turn On.

Chapter 16 - Please Stop Cuddling With Him

Chapter 17 - Stoick Has Killed a Table. RIP Table.

Chapter 18 - Aren’t You Two a Little Old to be Jumping on a Bed?

Chapter 19 - Both of You Need to STOP.

Chapter 20 - BRANDING! Dagur, What the Fuck Are You Doing?

Chapter 21 - Dagur, You’re Too Drunk to Screw Your Comatose “Brother”

Chapter 22 - When You Throw a Guy Off a Cliff

Chapter 23 - “Dream Me Sounds Like a Real Bitch” - Astrid

Chapter 24 - Fucking Bath Time

Chapter 25 - Who’s This Nice Girl? I Hope She Lives.

Chapter 26 - Fucking and Feelings. Sue Me.

Chapter 27 - No One’s Safe From Me

Chapter 28 - Beheading is Nice. I Think I Broke Stoick.

Chapter 29 - Your Mom

Chapter 30 - Chains Instead of Love Letters

Chapter 31 - Not Even the Devil’s Into That

Chapter 32 - “Then Quit Your Crying and Put My Dick In Your Mouth” - Dagur

Chapter 33 - Heather’s Fucking Knocked Up

Chapter 34 - NUTMEG

Chapter 35 - Hiccup: The Unintentional Stoner Friend

Chapter 36 - Drinking Water. Angst.

Chapter 37 - Dagur Screws Shit Up… Again.

Chapter 38 - Hiccup’s a Slut for a Day

Chapter 39 - Viggo’s Pissed. Venom is Fun.

Chapter 40 - For Me, Just as a Clarification

Chapter 41 - Dagur, What the Actual Fuck

Chapter 42 - You Had One Job, Bryn. One.

Chapter 43 - Who Fucking Ordered This Assassination?

Chapter 44 - Hiccup Gets a Tattoo, Except It’s Not a Tattoo and Dagur Carves His Name Into His Fucking Leg

Chapter 45 - Tell-Me-That-You-Love-Me.mp3

Chapter 46 - Whoops, He’s Gonna Lose His Thumb

Chapter 47 - Hiccup.exe Has Stopped Working

Chapter 48 - Program Still Not Functioning After Restart

Chapter 49 - Viggo Didn’t Come Here to Discuss the Prose Edda

Chapter 50 - Hiccup is Worth 143 People

Chapter 51 - Your Regularly Scheduled Slavery Will be Interrupted for Hunting Season

Chapter 52 - Nutmeg 2.0

Chapter 53 - He Broke Harder Than Expected

Chapter 54 - Whoops, Game of Thrones

Chapter 55 - Just Astral Project the Fuck Outta There

Chapter 56 - I Too, Throw Clothes in My Fireplace

Chapter 57 - Dagur, Thank You for Not Killing the Nice Lady

Chapter 58 - Are You All Nervous Yet?

Chapter 59 - How to Make Your Fans Want to Kill You in Five Easy Steps

Chapter 60 - Just Send the Fucking Message, Dagur

Chapter 61 - How Dagur Stole Snoggletog (And Other Holiday Stories)

Chapter 62 - Happy Snoggletog! Here’s One Fully Broken Hiccup!

Chapter 63 - “So What Does the Kid Call Him? Uncle Dad?” - Tuffnut

Chapter 64 - Graphic Depictions of Feelings

Chapter 65 - Then Dagur Ruined It

Chapter 66 - A Wild Toothless Appears

Chapter 67 - Dagur’s Into Vore?

Chapter 68 - Ryker, Shut Up

Chapter 69 - This Has Been a Gobber Appreciation Chapter

Chapter 70 - For Once In My Life the Hope I’m Giving You is Real

Chapter 71 - Quick Reminder that Dagur SUCKS

Chapter 72 - Hiccup, Meet Hiccup

Chapter 73 - Dagur Gets a Well-Deserved Knee to the Balls

Chapter 74 - A Rescue in My Story? It’s More Likely Than You Think! Free PC Check!

Chapter 75 - Love Stinks… Yeah, Yeah

Chapter 76 - Tears. Enough Tears to Fill a Cup and Drink.

Chapter 77 - The Gallant Return of Nightmares

Chapter 78 - That Awkward Moment When You Have to Drug Your Son

Chapter 79 - I’m Not Crying. You’re Crying.

Chapter 80 - Dragon Saliva Does Not Wash Away Scars

Chapter 81 - Lol, What’s Freedom?

Chapter 82 - Okay, Sure. Go Ahead. Purposefully Trigger Yourself, Hiccup. I’m Sure That’s Safe.

Chapter 83 - It’s Not a Diary. I Swear.

Chapter 84 - How to Make Freud’s Ghost Cower in a Corner

Chapter 85 - Astrid, That’s Gaaaay

Chapter 86 - I’m Sorry. Your Son Will Not Be Accepting Hugs at This Time. Please Try Again Later.

Chapter 87 - How to Train Your Id

Chapter 88 - Fucking Bath Time sans Fucking

Chapter 89 - A Wild Loneliness Motif Appears

Chapter 90 - Toothless Needs to be Hiccup’s Babysitter

Chapter 91 - “Go the Fuck to Sleep” - Read by Samuel L. Jackson

Chapter 92 - An Order of Pain Covered in Pain Sauce with Extra Pain on the Side. Would You Like Fries With That?

Chapter 93 - Try to Guess Which Part I Laughed Evilly At

Chapter 94 - *Cries in Hiccstrid*

Chapter 95 - Come On, Viggo. Does Dagur Really Need His Dick?

Chapter 96 - Musical Thrones

Chapter 97 - “Why Talk About It When We Can Walk About It?”

Chapter 98 - Sorry. Hiccup Can’t Come to the Phone Right Now. Please Leave a Message After the Moan.

Chapter 99 - “Hiccup, Don’t Yell At Her! She’s Never Had Fingers in Someone’s Ass Before!” - My Partner

Chapter 100 - Daddy’s Home

Chapter 101 - Fishlegs the Babysitter

Chapter 102 - How to Train Your Babysitter

Chapter 103 - You Were Told Not to Untie Him. Untie Him and He Will Fuck You.

Chapter 104 - Hiccup, You Can’t Predict the Future. Go to Bed.

Chapter 105 - Fake Dick is Better Than No Dick

Chapter 106 - Death Not Intended, But Acceptable

Chapter 107 - Give This Man Some Bodily Autonomy

Chapter 108 - Welcome to the Royal Orgy. Would You Like Some Dick?

Chapter 109 - Accidental Kink With Hiccstrid

Chapter 110 - Hiccup Attends His Own Funeral

Chapter 111 - No Keeping the Brand. We Skin Ourselves Like Men.

Chapter 112 - Hiccup, You Can Have It Both Ways

Chapter 113 - Spitelout Can Meet Me in the Pit

Chapter 114 - Hey, Babe

Chapter 115 - Battle is a Good Time to Have a Baby

Chapter 116 - Hello, Bastards. Time For Death.

Chapter 117 - Baby in One Hand, Decapitated Head in the Other

Epilogue - I’m Sorry This Isn’t Out Yet (For When It’s Out: I’m Sorry This Took So Long)

[kpoper2002]

Always Find You- Kim Taehyung

A/N SInce no one asked for it, here’s another BTS imagine specifically with the one and only Kim Taehyung! Fluff mainly, mentions of past relationships that didn’t end in the best way (nothing too serious, no big violence or anything. No warnings for this fanfiction) Love Y'all and enjoy!

“Jungkook, stay still,” I say trying to get the boy to stop flinching as I was putting in his contacts.

“Noona, it hurts!” he yells and I frown.

“Jeon Jungkook, you listen to me right now. First of all, it hurts only because you keep flinching and moving. Second of all, do not call me Noona please, for the billionth time. I am only a year older, no need to make me feel any older” He only nods and I proceed to put in his contacts again. I put in both of them and smile.

“See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?” I ask and he shrugs. His eyes go to my left hand and I frown. I cover up my hand because his staring was making me slightly uncomfortable. I go to the table and start arranging the makeup.

“Noona?”

“Hmmm?” I say absent-mindedly.

“Are you...getting married?” he asks and I stop what I’m doing. I look at Jungkook confusion on my face.

“What makes you say that, sweetheart?” I ask, one eyebrow raised.

“You have a ring...on your ring finger...” he says slowly. I laugh and hold up my left hand, showing the simple golden ring on my ring finger.

“This? Oh, this was a present from my older sister when she got married as a thank you for being her maid of honour” Jungkook raises his eyebrows in surprise.

“You do know that it’s bad luck to wear a ring on your ring finger when it’s not your wedding ring.” a voice says behind me, sending shivers down my spine.

I knew that voice

I turn around and see Min Yoongi leaning against the door frame. I give him a sarcastic smile

“It doesn’t matter anyway. All I ever had was bad luck in terms of love” I say, looking away and going back to the makeup.

“Noona, what are you talking about?” Jungkook asks and I can sense a worry in his voice. I look at him and smile softly.

“It means, sweetheart, that I can’t love people. At least not romantically”

“And why is that?” another voice asks. I turn and see Namjoon, Jimin, and Taehyung next to Yoongi. I look away.

“Because...something bad always happens to them”

“What about...James?” Namjoon asks.

“Surprised you still remember him. Car accident. He has amnesia. He can’t remember me and his family have blocked off from me because they believe it was my fault”

“I’m sorry...I didn’t know” Namjoon says but I shake my head.

“I’m fine now. That was-” I look at my phone for the date. July 7th. “-exactly 6 months ago actually” I laugh softly at the irony of the fact that when the subject of James is brought up, the accident has happened half a year ago.

“What about...Liam?” Jimin asks and I look at Jimin but notice Yoongi’s jaw clench and I remember how much he hated Liam.

“Gone. Not with us anymore” I say no emotions at all. I know Liam’s story didn’t end well but he’s free and his spirit is at rest.

“I’m sorry MIna...”

“Nothing to worry about Jimin. I have made peace with both boys a long time ago”

“And there hasn’t been anyone special ever since?” J-Hope asks out of nowhere, making me jump a bit.

“Perhaps there is Hobi but I am too afraid to fall in love again” I look at Hoseok and then my eyes trail over to the one boy who has been quiet this whole time: Kim Taehyung. He seemed to be very interested in his hands because he was looking down, twidling his thumbs. He looks up at me and smiles softly but I could see the sadness in his eyes. Possibly from my love stories, but possibly from something else. I look at him then look away quickly. My phone buzzes and I check it and see a message from Jin.

Seokjin: Showtime Mina. Tell the boys, please.

Me: Alright, they’ll be out in a bit

Seokjin: Hurry

I turn my phone off and look at the boys.

“Showtime gentlemen. Seokjin’s waiting for us at the centre.” I say and they nod. I grab my bag and keys, slipping my phone into my bag. The boys already left to go to the car and only Taehyung was left in the room with me.

I frown and say “Taehyung, go to the car. I’ll meet you there.”

“Mina...about those guys and their situations...” he starts saying with sad eyes

“Yes?”

“I am sorry that you have to live through it”

“Tae I appreciate the concern but I have made peace with it. I am living a good life right now” I answer with a smile but my heart felt heavy

He nods.

“Go join the boys and I’ll be there in a bit. Don’t let Namjoon touch anything. I don’t want to come to the lot to find a broken car, courtesy of Kim Namjoon” He laughs and nods, leaving me in the room.

I stand in the room and feel tears coming down my face. Why did anyone mention my unlucky love life?

“Mina...you absolute idiot. No chance now to find someone. Guess it’s my curse” I mutter to myself, wiping my tears. I shake my head and turn off the lights in the room, closing the door behind me.

I walk out to the parking lot and open the driver’s door and see Yoongi in the passenger sear. I climb in, start the car and when the music comes on, I change the music to the speakers in the back.

“Mina...” Yoongi says softly

“Hmmm?” I say, focusing on the road. I look in the rearview mirror and notice Taehyung looking out the window and not singing with the others like he usually does.

“Your eyes...” Yoongi continues. I focus my eyes back to the road.

“What about them, Yoongi?” I answer, my jaw clenching. I wanted to avoid the subject but Yoongi and I were too close and he knew me too well.

“Mina, don’t try to avoid this. Your eyes are red. You were crying” My hands tighten around the steering wheel. Damn that boy. He knows me a little too well.

“What’s your point, Yoongi?”

“You’re not over them. And you’re afraid that if you tell him, you’ll lose him too” I sigh and don’t answer. I pull up into the parking lot and turn off the engine. I look at Yoongi and whisper

“I have no choice but not to tell him, Min Yoongi. If I do, not only will I lose him but you will too” I shake my head and get out of the car and Yoongi does the same. The rest of the boys were out of the car so thankfully they didn’t hear our conversation.

Yoongi and I started walking towards the centre in silence. We go to the front and a guard escorts us to the dressing rooms. We go into the main dressing room and I see Seokjin.

“Jin!” I yell and he looks at me and smiles.

“Hey Mina!” he says and comes to give me a hug and kisses me on the forehead. He looks at me and frowns.

“Your eyes...”

“It’s six months today and a year after Liam...” I answer and he hugs me which I gladly return, burying my face in my adopted brother’s chest. His family took me in when I was a little baby who was left on their doorstep. Jin has taken care of me since that day. I let go and he kisses my forehead again.

“BTS, you’re up in five,” A female voice says from the door. We all nod. The boys sit down in chairs and I take a hairbrush so that I can fix everyone’s hair walk over to Jin and fix his hair. Namjoon was next and I part his hair. He gives me a soft smile but I could see the sadness in his eyes. I go on to fix Jimin, Jungkook and Hoseok’s hair. I move on to do Yoongi’s hair.

“Mina...” he says, gritting his teeth.

“Min Yoongi, don’t you start this now. I can’t tell him and I won’t That’s final” I whisper giving him a death glare. I move onto Taehyung and take out a bandana to put on his head (at the fan’s requests of course). I avoid his eyes the whole time.

“Mina?”

“Yes, Tae?”

“Your eyes” I sigh as he says that.

“I got something in my eyes so they started tearing up. That’s all.” I say, trying to keep my face neutral. I finish his hair and lead them to the backstage. The lady from earlier sees us and gives me a soft smile. The boys get in line and I stand at the end behind Seokjin. He looks at me and smiles.

“Good luck, big bro” I whisper, giving Jin a kiss on the cheek. Yoongi sees me takes my hand and pulls me closer to him.

“Are you sure you’re alright Mina?” he whispers. I face him and nod. He gives me a hug and I wrap my hands around his neck, burying my head into his shoulder. I let go after a bit and he smiles softly at me.

“Please welcome...BTS” the announcer says.

“Good luck boys!” I yall and they all give me smiles and thumbs up and I laugh. They run onto the stage and start their show. The lady from earlier brings me a chair and I thanked her. I sit in it and watch the boys perform Blood, Sweat and Tears, Fire, Save me, Need U and their newest song, DNA. I smile as I watch them perform. After they performed DNA, Seokjin takes the microphone. My eyes widen at the actions of my brother. He wasn’t one to speak in front of crowds. That was usually Namjoon’s job, as their leader.

“Hello Army’s!” He says and the crowd cheers.

“I would like to introduce someone to you, my dear fans. She has been with us since day one. Even before that. She makes sure we eat, sleep enough, get to places on time and most importantly, she takes care of us when we need it most. Dear Army’s I would like to introduce to you my sister, Kim Mina!” I get up as he says my name. Jungkook runs over, smiling, and leads me to Jin who takes my hand and I look at the crowd. I smile and give a small wave and the crowd cheers louder.

“My sister has been with me since the beginning of my career” I smile and hide behind Jin since he was taller than me.

“She also has many talents. One of them includes singing and rapping. Also dancing.” I bury my head into Jin’s shirt and shake my head laughing. A hand touches mine and I look up to see a smiling Taehyung. He takes my hand leading me to the two microphones set up.

“Tae-”

“Sing with me. Please” I loved singing with all my heart and I couldn’t say not to Taehyung’s smile. I sigh.

“Alright. What song?” He smirks.

“Your favourite.” He looks back and gives one of the boys a nod.

‘“Tae I-”

“Scared? Nervous?” I simply nod my head. He smiles softly and takes a hold of my hand in his and holds it. I relax a bit. The melody of “Butterfly” starts to play. Tae starts singing and I instantly felt myself relax. I start singing with him, covering mainly the rap parts and the backup vocals while holding tightly on to Tae’s hand. Who knew performing in front of thousands of fans had such a calm feeling to it? We finish the song and the auditorium is filled with a moment of silence and then the fans erupt into cheers and I smile, putting a hand on my chest. I look at Tae and he’s looking at me, smiling. I instantly hug him, burying my face into his neck and he picks me up and twirls me around. The fans erupt into more cheers.

*****

“Go shower, all of you. you guys stink” I say laughing. I go to my room and change into pjs. I walk out to the kitchen and turn on the kettle. I go to my room to grab my phone and earbuds, my mood suddenly changing from happy to sad. The kettle turns off and i go and make myself some of my herbal tea. I walk to the table and sit down, putting the tea on the table. I plug in my earbuds and put them in my ears. Pick the song “For You” by BTS and I bring my knees up to my chest and bury my head so no one could see the sudden stream of tears running down my face.

Why me? Why can’t I get a happy ending for once? And why do I have to fall head over heels in love with him of all people? I shake my head.

This is ridiculous, Kim Mina. You really thought you could love him? You really thought you’d have a happily ever after? a voice says in my head.

“Shut up” I whisper to no one in particular.

“Mina?” A voice says and I look up to see Seokjin. I give him a weak smile and sit up, wiping my eyes.

“Hey Jin I was just having some tea to, ya know, calm myself down,” I say but he looks at me with soft eyes.

“You like one of the boys, don’t you?” I laugh.

“Did you guess that just now?” I ask.

“You’re my sister. You’re an open book for me. So no Mina, I didn’t figure that out now. I figured for a while but Yoongi confirmed my suspicions.” He answers, raising an eyebrow.

“Yoongi, you little piece of-”

“Hey, I forced him”

“What did you threaten him with? Not cooking for a week? Cause not only he will be affected without your cooking.” I say and Jin laughs lightly.

“Mina...James and Liam weren’t the only reasons that your eyes were red, were they?” I sigh. He was right, I am an open book to him. I shake my head.

“Fine, I do like one of the boys. What does it matter?”

“Tell him. Don't keep it to yourself sis”

“First Yoongi, now you. Who else is going to persecute me about this? Namjoon? Jiminie? Jungkook? I CAN”T tell him, Seokjin. If I do, not only will I lose him but so will you and it’s going o be because I just happened to tell him that I love him from the bottom of my heart!” I almost yell the last part and get up and start pacing.

“Mina, calm down. Who is it?” I stop pacing and just stare at him.

“Jimin?” I shake my head.

“Namjoon?”

“Namjoon is my ‘philosophical talk about life’ buddy. Not Namjoon”

“Hobi?”

“Hobi’s personality is too much like mine. Plus, he’s more like a best friend”

Only to people left, I realize. Crap.

“Yoongi?” he says and I hear the disbelief in his voice.

“Jin, besides you, Yoongi is my best friend. He’s someone I go to when I need some advice, someone I can tell my secrets to when-” I glare “-I don’t want my older brother to know”

“So it’s him?” He says, putting emphasis on “him”. I nod slowly, knowing we’re thinking about the same person.

“You like Yoongi?” An all too familiar voice behind me says. I freeze for a moment and I can’t breathe. I turn around and see the sad face of Kim Taehyung.

“Tae-”

“You like Yoongi-hyung?” he asks again and I feel my throat go dry.

No, I wanted to say, I’m in love with you not Yoongi but I can’t tell you because I can’t lose you too...

He sighs and I can see the tears in his eyes.

“You know what, Mina? Forget it.” HE says and walks to the front door and I hear it open and close.

“Tae!” I yell and grab my coat and slip on a pair of shoes. I run out looking right and left and then see the very tall figure of Kim Taehyung going towards the crosswalk.

“Tae!” I yell as I start running after him.

Cars, all of them, cars I think to myself

“Not this time” I whisper and run after Taehyung using all my strength. He starts crossing the road and I see a car coming but it’s not stopping.

“Taehyung!” I yell and he stops in the middle of the road and looks back, not noticing the car. I run to him and push him out of the way. He falls backwards and I fall on him. We both quickly sit up and I bury my head in my hands, muttering to myself quietly and shaking my head.

“Mina?” I don’t answer.

“Mina?” he says again and I look up. He hugs me and I hug him back, burying my face into his neck.

“I’m sorry Taehyung. It’s you who I have feelings for. I just couldn’t tell you-” I pull away to look at him.

“ I couldn’t tell you because-” I start again but am cut off by a pair of soft lips against mine and I realize it’s Taehyung and I kiss back.

“Mina? Taehyung?” A familiar voice yells and I pull back and see Seokjin with the rest of the guys. Tae and I get up and quickly cross to the other side and I give Jin a hug.

“Mina, I was so worried...” He says. I pull away and Yoongi pulls me in for a hug.

“Come on guys, let’s go back,” Jin says and I pull away and walk to Taehyung. The guys start walking and I take Tae’s hand and open my mouth to say something but he cuts me off

“Mina, listen. I know that there was the whole bad luck going on with you and your past relationships” I chuckle a bit.

“But I am in love with you Mina. And whatever happens to me, I will always find you, no matter what. I’ll always find you, even if the universe tries to rip us apart”

A/N OOOOF THAT WAS LONG. SURPRISE! Hope you guys liked it and it wasn’t tooooo cheesy (unlike the Yoongi one). This one was really long in my notebook, took up 14 pages. Hope you guys liked it and please like, comment and reblog! Requests are open! Please send me in more requests! Also, this is like an early birthday present from me to you cause my bday is in two days T-T. Also, I decided to put up this imagine cause my name and Tae’s start with the same letter and we are both tall (name is Tamila, Mila is a nickname) Also I want to dedicate this imagine to my fave Tae-Tae stan @danayar2002

[sly-punk1712]

AN: This is kind of a side fic to this but it’s not necessary to have read before hand. This does deal with emotions and some self hate. There are brief descriptions of violence. This took me time to write because I would fall into the feelings trap. It felt pretty heavy for me so I felt it only polite to give heads up. Feelings are hard but we all have them. 

Tony really doesn’t smoke anymore but it’s fucking freezing on the roof and drunk him had hidden a stash of cubans here once after a party for Rhodey’s billionth promotion. Drunk him was smart to squirrel things away for later. He supposed he could climb town and grab a jacket but he was still hiding from everyone, but particularly Darcy. As soon as she’d intruded to his living room penthouse she’d known he wasn’t feeling great. 

“Hey Tones!!!” Her voice sing-songed his name from out of the elevator before the doors even opened. “Can we build Clint some acrobat....” She floated across the room and stopped at the sight of him in a day’s old tee shirt nursing a mostly empty glass.

Her knowing blue eyes took him in head to toe before her pouty lips curved into a frown. Tony gives her his award winning smile and sit’s up a little straighter, going for sleepy scientist over morose hero. She decidedly does not buy it judging by the way she slips down on the sofa and reaches for his glass. 

“Weren’t you wearing that Wednesday?” She asks softly. He pulls the glass out of her reach sharply jumping to his feet and swaying slightly. 

“And?”

“Tony it’s Tuesday.” She sits back and he’s glad she doesn’t move closer. He’s not sure he could handle that right now. “Have you been up here drinking this entire time? I thought you had a company thing on Friday?”

“Canceled it.” He made his way to the bar pouring a drink and putting it safely between him and her. “Benefits of being boss. I do what I want when I want” Her frown became more pronounced and worst of all she looked understanding. What did this girl know about him? She’d been in his life 8 months now? How dare she read him like an open book. He just wished she’d go away. Her mouth opened he saw the words forming. 

“Are you Oka...?” 

“Don’t you have anywhere to be?” He snaps. It’s mean, unfair and fueled partly by this bad mood and the strong liquor. “Like anywhere I don’t have to hear you?” He turns his back to her refusing to look at her. He hears her moving behind him and think it doesn’t sound angry enough. Pepper would storm out. It’s too Rhodey calm to be good. 

The elevator dings open and shut and he bolts from the room in case she changes her mind. 

So he’s up on the roof where he used to go to smoke and hock loogies off of when he and Rhodes where lost 20-somethings trying to find their way in life. He knows Darcy’s afraid of heights so even if she forgave him being an ass she wouldn’t come up and see him. He let a few tears free when he first sat down content to blame it on the wind, and he’s sure no one could hear him but he’s afraid to make a sound, everything he’s been drinking away the last few days feels too close to the top. Too big for him to break the silence. 

“Anthony?” Of course she’d send Thor. He’s her go to hero after all, the thought is bitter and makes him feel worse for having thought it. Thor is a good friend. 

“Is it always this windy?” Thor asks plopping down closer to the edge than Tony his legs dangling over the side of the tower. Tony snorts and blows a fortifying stream of smoke out of his mouth. 

“Small talk? That’s what we’re going with.” He knows he sounds like a dick but he can’t seem to stop the words that make him seem harder, stronger. Thor chuckles lightly massive shoulders shaking slightly as the wind sweeps away the actual sounds.

“Fair. Would you prefer the silence?” Yes! but no now Thor has broken it. His ears remember the silence and they scream at him to not go back. Everything seems to scream at him these days and he’s like a helpless passenger in his own body. 

“No. Go ahead and tell me whatever great Asgardian parable you have to try and cheer me up.” He shrugs and flicks ash from the end of the cigarette and can’t seem to tear his eyes away from bright orange against the dark night.

“Would that I could Anthony. Sadly divining is not one of my many gifts. Why tell tales of Ymir or the All father when they will mean nothing to you? I see you are distressed and I have no wish to mince words.” Thor turns to face him pulling one leg back onto the tower and near to him. He looks so young and sweet yet simultaneously massive that Tony smiles despite himself. 

“I just can’t seem to shake this one. I mean normally I just need a few days to myself and good as new. I just feel..” Tony stopped and took another calming drag. This was so hard for him. To feel things, to share things. “I just need a few more days to bitch by myself.” He shook his head. Thor tiled his head hair spilling to one side making him look more like a massive puppy. 

“Always alone?” Thor’s words are soft and impossibly kind and they make Tony’s eyes burn. He shuts them hating himself, hating being so weak he needs this, hating Darcy for making Thor come here. 

“How can I complain when the others...” His eyes close make it easier to confess this thought, half a thought really, but Thor knows.

“I have selected the parable” Thor announced climbing to his feet to lean against the railing. Tony sighed in relief, the intensity of that wave of feeling was over him. This talk was almost over, if he was lucky and he could go back to himself. 

“There was a young warrior who had only served a few years with his assigned company. The others having had decades in the service of the all father,” His voice was excellent for storytelling and Tony felt himself relaxing a little. Even if this turned into a weird ass Frost Giant cooking match, like Thor’s tales normally did, the cadence of his voice made it worth hearing one more how the Asgardian cooks made feasts to die for. 

“Many political reasons called them to a small village on a province near to the castle. The town fell under siege due to the presence of the company and many lives were lost for foolish reasons. Men, women and children all cut down in the name of men who lived far away in lofty towers.”  This was nothing like Thor’s normal tales, on the one hand Tony felt his heart hang on every word the other man spoke. On the other hand every syllable seemed to add pressure on his fragile heart. A thin line indeed.

“Many were wounded in the battle. The young warrior himself suffered two wounds. One of the upper arm dealt by a glancing blow from a friendly claymore.” Thor gestured to his own arm drawing a long line down his muscles.

 “The second a much worse ailment. His mind retained the panic. The sounds of steel clanging against steel. The chilling cries of children cradling their dead parents. The surprised sounds of seasoned soldiers falling on blades.” 

“The fight would not leave him and he refused to be treated for either injury. Unable to bear the touch of another the fear was so strong. That day past and the next he was silent. The company worried and nagged him to seek some attention but their pleas fell to deaf ears. Many weeks passed and they returned to the castle to await their next station. While there the warrior calmed enough to have his arm bound. The battle faded not haunting him but not passing from his thoughts.” Thor paused seeming unsure how to continue. 

“What did you do?” Tony prompted finally. Thor gave a wry smile, clearly his tale had not fooled the genius. 

“I did what all young men do, when in pain. Cried myself to sleep in my mother’s arms.” Thor seemed so fucking strong even just saying those words made that image seem impossible. “and she very wisely told me, as I will tell you now. Your suffering is not lesser because you are young.” 

Tony snorted at the young part and let the cigarette fall from his fingers to the ground. He crushed the end under his heel and looked up to Thor who had turned to look at him. 

“Pain is like armour in some ways. If I wear it, the pain may seem small and easily managed but the same set of armour would weigh you down, hindering your movements until you were too tired to continue. And in the same way you would not go into battle with ill fitting suit, you should not dwell in an ill fitting mood.” Thor seemed to struggle toward the end of his analogy. Tony let out a shaky breath with a curt nod.

“It’s just hard to handle that pain next to people who were abused, kidnapped, brainwashed, fought in World War 2. I just.. Fuck man I sound like such an asshole” Tony pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes to prevent the honest to god breakdown that was threatening to let loose. 

“You are just as important Anthony. No suffering is unimportant if it’s hurting you.” Thor’s hand rested on Tony’s shoulder and when the midgardian opened his eyes Thor had knelt in front of him. Tony couldn’t name if it was the honest conversation, the days of alcohol in his system or Thor’s kind smile that did it but the damn burst and he lunged forward into Thor’s arms sobs racking his body softly. The asgardian merely shifted their weight and pulled Tony to him properly letting the billionaire cling to his shirt and soak his shoulder in hot tears. Everything was going to be okay and Thor relaxed knowing the other man would feel better in the morning. 

*********************

Wednesday night found Darcy sprawled across the sofa feet resting on the arm and head resting on Bucky’s thigh as they watched Master Chef. She was trying to pay attention but her mind kept straying back to Tony all alone in his tower. Thor had come down last night to reassure her the Man on Iron was doing much better and had retired to sleep it off but it was in her nature to worry until she saw him herself. The elevator doors dinged and as if summoned by magic the man himself appeared. 

Darcy tensed slightly and Bucky tensed even more under her. He’d been subject to her worrying while Thor handled Tony, and was likely worried the other man was going to say more upsetting things. Instead Tony beamed at her and swept grandly to wear she was lying and swooped down to press a kiss to her forehead. 

“I’m sorry I’m an asshole” He said sheepishly standing back upright. “But I’m an asshole who is going to install trapeze equipment in the gym and buy my best girl dinner this week just us.” He winks headed toward the kitchen. 

“Trapeze swings!!!”

“MY best girl thank you very much!”

Clint drops from the ceiling shouting the same time Bucky does and the tension Darcy’s been feeling lifts. Tony will be okay and everything's back to normal. The super soldier and world famous inventor begin to bicker. Well as normal as can be. 

[firesoulstuff]

Cuddly prompts: No. 5 CaptainCanary, romantic. (Could be pre-relationship, though!)

Thank you for letting me play with this list! (Also the cuddling ended up coming at the end of this, but I think it still counts.)

Read on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12378978/chapters/30495015

Enough is Enough

This was not how Leonard wanted tospend tonight.

Ok, he didn’t exactly have any setplans on how he had wanted to spend tonight. Maybe play cards, maybe read abook, maybe even take apart and reassemble his cold gun for the millionth time.Just an average night spent aboard a time traveling spaceship. But no, the teamhas been stretched thin these past few months since Savage’s, and the TimeMasters’, defeat and occasionally that means they split up. Today was one ofthose days, where they have too many aberrations that need addressing and notenough Legends. So they split into three groups; Hunter took Jax and Stein withhim to deal with some sort of World Conference trouble in 2121, Mick andRaymond took the jump ship to chase after a caveman who had somehow shown up in2004 and was causing problems (obviously they’re going to find a rogue timetraveler as well), and he and Sara were dropped off in 1968 Kansas to make suresome guy is in the right place at the right time.

Only the two of them never made itto the right place.

Instead they’re here, on the sideof the road in the middle of godforsaken nowhere, with stolen car that doesn’trun and still nothing but radio silence on the comms because their teammatesare still all in different times.

“Any luck?” Sara asks him, heshould mention that he is currently underneath the car with the toolkit theyfound in the trunk (“Gotta love the 60’s.” Sara had said,) trying to fix thedamn thing while she keeps a lookout for anyone driving by.

He scans over the network of pipesand tubing one more time, but he knows it’s hopeless. They’ve tried everything,but the car simply isn’t going to run.

“I think you’re right,” he finallygives in and starts crawling out from his position. She’s leaning against thedriver’s side door with a rather unamused look on her face, she’s been tellinghim ever since the sun went down that they aren’t going to get anywhere. “Thisthing’s toast.”

She hums in agreement, and thenlooks up at the night sky as if she’s searching the stars for something.

“How long you think it’ll be untilthey come get us?”

He shrugs, “Maybe the morning?” Heisn’t worried, and he can tell that she isn’t either. Of the three missionsthey had the easiest, the one with the least amount of risk, so they hadsuspected they might be on their own for a night or two while everyone elsefinishes their assignments.

Rip isn’t going to be happy when hediscovers they failed.

Leonard can live with that.

“It’s getting cold.”

He nods, she’s not wrong. It’sspring but not yet close enough to summer that the breeze in the night airdoesn’t make the hairs on the back of his neck stand when it blows. But thereisn’t exactly a motel or anything around for them to stop at. All they have isthe car, the broken car that won’t start and therefor won’t heat, but it’llhave to do.

“Looks like we’re sleeping in thecar.” He huffs and moves for the driver’s door, Sara vacating her spot againstit and he assumes she’s going for the passenger’s seat, but instead she stopsjust behind him and opens the backseat.

“Hey,” she says, getting him tomeet her eyes. She bends over and snatches something from the back, and hetries not to let her catch him noticing the way the material of her blue dress clingstighter to her ass when she does.

She doesn’t let on that he’sfailed, but he knows he has; he always does.

She emerges with a big wad of greyfabric in her hands, “There’s a blanket back here.”

He nods, “Good to know.” And withthat he gets into the drivers seat, Sara making a frustrated sounding noise butfollowing his lead into the car.

They’re quiet at first, the onlysound being that of Sara squirming around in the backseat as she gets herselfsituated, and Len taps his finger to his comm for the billionth time but, justas has been the case for the past five hours, he gets nothing but silence.

Eventually Sara stops movingaround, and they are left in a total, deafening, silence. There was a timewhere silence between them wasn’t always heavy; in fact it was comfortable. Butthen he had to go and screw it up. He approached her before they went in toblow up The Oculus and outright asked her what she thought about the idea of afuture together, which might have gone over better had he not pulled gun on herjust an hour before. Then there was a too close for comfort call with him atThe Oculus, but he made it out alive, and ever since things have been weirdbetween them.

They haven’t been avoiding eachother, they’re still great friends and teammates, but suddenly of the flirtingand card games have the potential to mean something, and now that he knows themission isn’t going to end any time soon, that he isn’t going to lose her anytime soon, it scares the hell out of him.

“Are we ever going to talk aboutit?”

Well, at least he isn’t the onlyone thinking about it.

He looks at her over his shoulder,she’s lying on her side with the grey blanket draped over her and fixing himwith a very exhausted look.

She’s not physically tired, butshe’s like him, tired of things not being easy between them anymore.

“You want to talk about it?”

She shrugs, like it makes nodifference to her. He supposes he would do the same thing if she had asked himif he wants to talk about it. He does, but not if she doesn’t. However shedidn’t ask him if he wants to, she asked if they are going to.

Without allowing himself to think twicehe gets out of the car and opens the door to the back, only to find her alreadysitting up to make room for him, the blanket falling to her side.

After he gets in and closes thedoor behind him he just looks at her for a moment, having absolutely no ideawhat to say. But she’s watching him expectantly, as she should be consideringhe’s the one who came back here.

“I’m not good with feelings.” Hefinally drawls out, eyes flicking up to meet hers.

She scoffs at him, but doesn’tsmile.

“And I am?” She asks, “We both havebaggage Leonard, I’m not worried about that. I just want to know if… if youmeant what you said before The Oculus.” He doesn’t mean to just stare at her,but he can’t believe that she’s said it, that either of them has said it. “Orif,” she starts again when he’s obviously been quiet too long. “It was just wewere in a shitty situation, might not make it back alive, and-”

“No,” he doesn’t like to interrupther, but he likes the idea of her finishing that sentence even less. “Itwasn’t…” He sighs in defeat, because it kind of was the situation, but itwasn’t just that. “The mission wasgoing to be over soon, and I didn’t think there was going to be another one. Ithought Hunter was going to drop us all back in Star City and Mick would wantto go back to stealing around Central and Keystone, and I wouldn’t have a goodenough reason to say no.”

He lets her take that in, and whenhe does he realizes that at some point they’ve inched closer to each other. Herknee is touching lightly against his, yet the door is that much farther behindhim, meaning he’s the one who moved.

“I meant what I said,” he startsagain when it’s clear she isn’t going to say anything, that he’s the one whothrew them into this three months ago therefor he is going to be the one totalk them out of it. “Every single time I try to sleep on that ship, all I canthink about is things that day I could’ve done differently.”

He gauges her for a reaction afterthat, and aside from avoiding his eyes and fiddling with the fraying edge ofthe blanket still on her legs she doesn’t give much of one.

“Me too,” she finally mumbles, solow that he isn’t sure he’s heard right, but when her eyes suddenly meet histhere is no question that he has. “I think about all the missions we’repartnered up on, all the card games during down time. But mostly I think aboutThe Oculus, how I came so close to losing you and how I should’ve reached overand kissed you the second we were back on the ship, and how by now we should beso much more than we are.” She finishes, by now their shoulders are brushingtogether and the next thing that Leonard knows he’s leaning in, and she is too,and then his lips are on hers.

It’s a soft, short kiss. When hepulls away he can feel his lips tingling, and subconsciously he runs the tip ofhis tongue over them as thought to commit the taste of her to memory. Shesmiles at him and he smiles back, then her arms wind around his shoulders andhe finds his hands drawn to her hips, pulling her closer as their lips meetagain in a much more heated kiss that lasts until they start falling backwardsand his head bangs against the window.

“Ow,” he says through a laugh asSara pulls away, smiling bright with both happiness and amusement; it’s a sighthe never wants to forget.

“Sorry,” She says and she starts topush herself off him, and while he is normally the last person to actually wantphysical contact of any kind he finds that he likes having her warmth againsthim, so he puts a gentle hand on her back to stop her from getting up and aftera brief conversation between her eyes and his she eases back down, him scootinga bit lower to pillow his head against the door.

Sara still has the blanket coveringher feet, so she bends one leg up to bring it closer and reaches back to grabit, spreading it out over them both whilst barely moving. Once she’s satisfiedwith her work she lays her head down on his chest and his hand relaxes on herback. It’s not the most comfortable position in the world, not by a long shot.They’re both too tall for the length of the seat, him more than her, so theirlegs are crunched in a tangle of limbs at the end and they’re in position ofhalf sitting, half lying. It would probably be easier, in fact, for them tojust sleep in their respective seats up front. But, Leonard thinks, as Sarareaches up to remove some bobby pins from her hair and he decides to help her,he’d rather stay back here.

Mick smirks the next morning aftertracking Boss and Blondie’s comms to find them, hating that he has to knock onthat back window and wake them up. But it needs to be done, he can’t give themshit for taking so damn long if he they’re asleep after all.