#this is like a few months after posting but this image is why y'all should vote raz in the autism swag summit. please

[emo-nordegraf]

help

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Promises

Summary: When you wake up to find your house quiet, your first reaction is panic. But after you find Javi and learn what he has planned for you this morning, your mood becomes a whole lot better.

Pairing: Dad!Javi x Wife!reader (Reader's nickname is Osita, no use of y/n)

Word Count: 4.1K (Y'all I wrote this in like a few hours I was feeling some typa way)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (don't do this pls but also they want another baby), vaginal fingering, oral (f receiving) creampie, cum play (ig??), praise kink, the biggest, fattest, nastiest breeding kink (... Don't look at me), ass slapping (but affectionately), mentions of body insecurity post pregnancy, Javi being the biggest menace of all time (this man has a MOUTH on him, lawd have mercy), Javi being the best husband and literally being so in love, it's honestly sickening, Chucho patiently waiting for his next grandchild 9 months from now LMAO

A/N: ... Hey... I'm gonna need all of you to not look at me for the next 7-10 business days after this one.... I'm not sure what's in the water over here, but uh... Yeah. I'll leave it at that. Thanks to @endlessthxxghts for letting me share my horny thots about our favorite dad, sorry for waking up on the feral side of the bed this morning 🥴

Part of the Forever and Always Series!

It was quiet. 

Way too quiet. 

You couldn’t remember a time in the past 5 years where you had woken up to the house being so silent. 

No TV, no commotion, no little squeals and giggles from your girls waiting impatiently for you to get up and out of bed, and if you weren’t already confused enough, you rolled over to be greeted by the empty space where your husband should have been, the usual warmth left radiating after he had gotten out of bed before you long gone. 

But the real kicker was that when you turned back over again to peek at the flashing numbers of your alarm clock, your eyes went wide at a number that you hadn’t seen since well before kids. 

10:39 A.M. 

“Jesus Christ…” You whispered to yourself, frantically rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and tossing the comforter off of your body before scrambling out of bed in distress, as your brain pieced together the worst sort of panicked puzzle as to why it was so late, so quiet, and Javi was nowhere to be found. 

You pushed open the bedroom door, peeking into the hallway, just as ghostly and empty as you had suspected, each of your daughter’s bedroom doors wide open with neither of them in sight.  Rushing back down the hall towards your stairs before stopping in front of Javi’s office, you paused your search at the sound of familiar, muffled humming coming from behind the door. 

Pushing it open, you were shocked to see the image of your husband sitting at his desk, leaning back in his seat with a book in his hand and feet propped up against the wooden surface, quietly humming to himself as he turned a page, seeming completely unbothered by his solitude. As the door creaked open further, it caught Javi’s attention, peeking up from over his book with a smile on his face as he dogeared his current page, pushing himself out of his chair to walk towards you. 

“Wow, look who’s up! I was gonna give you ‘til 11:00 before I really started to get worried. How’d you sleep, Hermosa?” He cooed, wrapping his arms around you to pull you in for a hug, pressing a soft kiss into the sleepy tangles of your hair, gently cupping your face and forcing your worried gaze up towards him. 

“Javi, what’s- what’s going on? Where are the girls? Is everything ok-” Before you could finish the rest of your thought, Javi’s lips were pressed against yours, the familiar bitterness of black coffee and minty gum still lingering in his mouth as he caught the rest of your sentence with his kiss, the hand cupping your cheek now letting his thumb swipe gently across your soft skin. 

“Relájete, mi amor (relax, my love)” Javi laughed, pressing another kiss onto your forehead, smiling down at you, “I know how tired you’ve been the past couple of weeks, and rightfully so. You take such good care of our girls- you are the most incredible mom to them, but it’s only fair that you deserve a break every once and a while, too. So,” he smirked, tightening his grip around your waist, letting his hand creep slowly towards your ass, “I asked my dad last night if I could drop Lucy and Elliot off with him this morning so we could have a day just the two of us. He’s more than happy to keep ‘em for as long as we want, so I figured I'd take him up on the offer and I can get some time alone with my beautiful wife to help her relax and show her how much I appreciate her.” 

You could the anxiety and worry instantly wash away from your body, the fear that had been consuming you since you had woken up now replaced by excited butterflies swirling in your stomach, heat creeping through your cheeks as you smiled back up at him, tears welling in your eyes in appreciation for how goddamn lucky you were to have someone who cared about you as much as Javi did. 

“Thank you.” You whispered, biting at the inside of your lip to try and keep yourself from crying, Javi immediately tilting your chin up towards him in response, softly swiping away the wetness pooling in your eyes. 

“Hermosa…” He cooed, looking you up and down with an empathetic smirk, brushing a stray piece of hair from your bed head out of your face, tucking it behind your ear, “It’s the least I could do. Now, why don’t you go get back into bed. I picked up a breakfast sandwich and coffee for you from Leo’s on the way back from Pop’s place, figured you might be hungry, considering you slept until almost lunch time. And after you finish eating,” He rasped, leaning his head down to nip at your neck, the hot words of his breath dancing against your skin, the shift in his tone instantly sparking a fire in your core, “I think I might be feeling hungry, too.” 

“You are a menace, I hope you know that.” You sighed, trying with every ounce in you to keep your composure, the tickle from Javi’s mustache at least providing some relief from the tension as you burst out into giggles, Javi playing along by digging his fingers into your hips, running his hands along your sides until you had exploded into a fit of laughter, flailing and squirming in his broad grasp. “Stop it, you meanie! You can’t just promise me food and sex and then hold me hostage like this!” 

Finally releasing you, Javi grabbed your face to pull you in for another kiss, this one slow and tender, an electric energy pulsing between the two of you as your lips brushed against one another, only pulling away after Javi’s hand planted a loving smack on your ass, making you squeal in surprise. 

“Go get your ass back in bed, Osita. I’ll be back in a second with breakfast.” 

“Okay.” You giggled, turning back on your heels out the door, but not before turning back around to peek your head through the doorway with a sneaky grin on your face. “And you’ll also be back with sex?” 

“Baby, you have no fucking idea.” 

As you jumped back into bed, tucking yourself back into your sheets, it wasn’t long before Javi was back in your room with the first part of his promised bargain- Your favorite breakfast sandwich and an extra large coffee, grinning in delight as he passed both over to you before settling next to you, wrapping your arm around your shoulder as you demolished the better part of your food. 

“Oh my god, I haven’t had one of these in so long. God, I love you so much.” You sighed, taking another bite of your breakfast as Javi laughed at the ferocity at which your sandwich had disappeared. “I bet the image of this is really doing a lot turn you on for the second half of your promise. If I would have known, I would have at least put on cuter pajamas.” You snickered, gesturing down to your nearly finished food and Javi’s worn, oversized shirt and boxers you still had draped over your body. 

“Shut up. You know I think you look sexy in anything. I love seeing you in my clothes. Drives me fucking crazy. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.” Javi smirked, rubbing his hand along your thigh, his thumb rubbing soft circles into your skin. 

“You just like it when I don’t wear a bra.” You snorted, rolling your eyes at Javi as you crumpled up the wrapper of your finished sandwich, setting it on your nightstand before rolling over to rest your head on Javi’s chest, draping one of your arms across his stomach. “You’re sweet, Jav. Sexy in anything seems like a bit of a stretch, there’s about half my closest I refuse to make eye contact with after having Elliot.”

You let out a quiet sigh, trying to hide the frown pursed between your lips, thinking about how much your body had changed since the first time you had ever worn Javi’s clothes all those years ago. Two kids and lots of time later, you couldn’t help feel a little self conscious about how different you looked from when the two of you had first met. And even though Javi said it to you all the time, it was much easier said than done to always believe it yourself. 

“Hey…” Javi replied softly, looking down at you with a frown on his own face, “Osita, you know I’m being serious, right?” 

“Well, you’re my husband, you kind of have to be.” You huffed, half forcing your laughter as you immediately began to feel yourself become more and more conscious of your weight laying on top of him, almost trying to shift yourself away before Javi’s hand was wrapped around your back, pulling you over to lay completely on top of him and forcing you to look at his serious expression. 

“Out of all the women in the world, you are the only one I ever want. You are just as beautiful, if not even more beautiful than the day I first met you, you know why? Because your beautiful body that I love every fucking inch of has grown and carried our daughters. You’ve made me a dad, you’ve given us a family, you are the most incredible wife and mom I could ever imagine. Baby, if that’s not the fucking sexiest thing, then I don’t know what to tell you.” You could feel the warmth blooming in your chest as Javi looked up at you with his sweet brown eyes, his hands roaming down the sides of your body until his fingers were digging into your hips and ass, kneading the soft flesh in his grasp. “Promise me.” 

“Promise you what?” You whispered, an ache beginning to grow between your legs as you could feel Javi’s bulge hardening beneath you, his hands roaming relentlessly around your body, making it hard for you to even think straight. 

“Promise me,” He paused, nipping at your neck, the bridge of his nose dragging along the side of your face until his mouth was ghosting over your ear, his words dancing against your skin, “Promise me that you believe me. That I think that you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. That I know you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. That I love your body so fucking much, that I wanna put another baby into it.”  

His last sentence had your heart literally skipping a beat, a quiet moan escaping from your lips as Javi carefully rolled your body off of his, flipping you onto your back and caging you under his broadness, planting hot, wet kisses down your neck as his fingers toyed with the hem of your shirt, his hands creeping below the fabric to palm at your breasts, rolling your pebbled nipples between his fingers as he waited for your response. Unfortunately, the best you could muster was a soft gasp of his name. 

“Fuck… Javi.” 

“That what you want, Hermosa? For me to fuck another baby into you, huh?” 

Javi knew it was exactly what you wanted, the two of you agreeing you were going to try for a third a few weeks ago, considering he was almost more ecstatic at the thought of growing your family than you were, and that the thought of knocking you up was something that made both of you absolutely insatiable. 

With the wet patch in your underwear growing damper and damper by the second, you barely had enough power in your brain to respond, especially now that Javi had pulled your shirt over your head, letting his kisses travel down your collarbone, chest, and now to your breasts, taking the nipples that he had been toying with between his fingers into his mouth, his tongue flicking and sucking at the harden buds as your moans began to grow like the fire in your belly. 

“Yes, oh fuck- yes. I want you to fuck another baby into me, Javi. Please.” You whimpered, your body squirming under his touch as he let his kisses drift down your stomach and hips, his fingers hooking over your shorts to pull them down off your legs, gently nudging them to fall open for him as he nestled himself between, admiring the wet, aching mess you had already become. 

“Then you have to promise me,” He smirked, draping each of your legs over his shoulders as he brought his face to your soaking heat, gently kissing your clit and letting the strong bridge of his nose ghost over your folds, “You have to promise me that you believe me. That you believe that you’re the most fucking beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Then, I’ll fuck another baby into you, okay? Can you do that for me, Momma?” 

“I- I- pr-promise.” Your voice trembled, ragged with want and desperation as Javi’s mouth hovered painstakingly still over your cunt, waiting for you to fulfill your promise so he could fill you with his. 

“There’s my good girl.” He cooed, feeling his smug smile bury itself into your pussy, letting a long, broad stroke of his tongue drag through your folds, the satisfying sensation making you shutter, your hips instinctively bucking towards Javi’s face as his grip around your legs tightened to hold you in place. His tongue languidly dragged across your cunt, slowly circling around your clit, soaking up the juices of your arousal that had been pooling between your legs, drinking up every single last drop. 

He let the presses of his tongue become firmer and more focused as he unhooked one of his arms, snaking his arm between your legs to gently press two fingers into your soaking entrance, easily sliding through your slick to curl against the soft spot inside you that had you relentlessly crying out his name. 

You couldn’t help but feel your bottom half squirm against your sheets, reaching down to tug at the dark curls of Javi’s hair, trying to find any sort of relief to keep from being a loud, moaning and whimpering mess as his tongue worked along your cunt, lapping you up like a man starved. His mouth latched along your clit, sucking at your sensitive bundle of nerves as his fingers pumped inside you, making the tingle at the base of your spine already begin to build in a needy desperation. 

“Javi, holy fuck- oh my god baby, don’t stop, please don’t stop.” You whimpered, somehow managing to keep your voice just above a whisper as Javi pulled away to respond, still holding a steady pace with his hand as he felt your pussy start to flutter around his fingers. 

“I’ve got you, Hermosa. Want you to soak my face before I feel you cum again around my cock. Give it to me, baby. Cum all over me before I fucking fill you up.”

With that, he was back between your legs, relentlessly working along your heat with his mouth as the coil in your belly wound so tightly, you were on the brink of snapping. 

“Javi, Javi, Javi, oh shit- Fuck, fuck, I’m gonnaahhhhhhhhh.” 

It was barely seconds before your orgasm flooded through your body, pleasure spreading through every inch of you as you clenched around Javi’s fingers, soaking his hand and face with your arousal as you came, screaming out his name as you reached your high. 

That’s it, Hermosa.” Javi smirked, squeezing his hand into the meat of your thigh as you rode out your orgasm, still slowly fucking you with his fingers as you came undone around them, your cunt clamping down on the delicious curve of his digits. Javi peeked his head back up as your breathing began to even out, your chest rising and falling in satisfaction as his kisses began to travel back up your body, stopping at your neck to take extra time to nip along your jawline, his teeth tugging at your earlobe as his voice rasped against your skin. 

“Such a good girl for me, Osita. So fucking wet. Fuck, I need to feel you, baby.” 

Before you even had time to catch your breath, Javi had his arms wrapped around your waist, flipping you over on to your stomach, dragging his hands down your back, stopping at your ass to grab a handful of the plump flesh and smack it, nudging your legs to spread open for him wider, pushing them out with his own. 

Javi worked behind you quickly and methodically, shedding himself of all of his clothes to free his painfully hard cock from his boxers, leaking with precum from the minute he had thought of the prospect of putting another baby in you. 

He stroked himself a few times, using his other hand to swipe through your folds, coating his fingers in your slick before wrapping them around his cock, now shiny with your arousal as he lined up with your entrance, filling you up inch by inch, almost painfully slowly, until he had bottomed out inside you, his hips flushed against your ass, letting you adjust to the sweet sting of his stretch. 

“Javi… Move, baby, please. I need to feel yo- Oh fuck!” You whimpered, your words drowned out by your moans as Javi had pulled himself out, only to thrust his whole length back into, gritting his teeth while a groan rumbled deep in his chest, draping his body over yours, burying one of his hands in your hair, gently tugging at the ends as he whispered into your ear, keeping his slow and meticulous pace. 

“You wanna feel me too, sweet girl? Wanna feel me fill you up when I fuck every last drop into you? Fuck myself so deep inside you it’ll fucking take? That what you want, baby?” 

“Yes, fuck, fuck, yes, please. Fuck, I want you fuck a baby into me, Javi. I wanna make you a Daddy again.” 

Another deep moan feel from Javi’s lips, scooping his hand under you to sit in his lap, your back flushed against his chest, one hand palming at your breast, the other wrapped around your waist, holding you in place as his pace began to increase, just enough to hear the wetness between the two of you with each thrust of his hips. 

You couldn’t help but let your bottom half grind deeper into each stroke, pushing yourself further and further down onto his cock, the sweet stretch of his fullness making your eyes nearly roll into the back of your head, the wanton moans and whimpers babbling from your mouth almost as lewd as the sounds your bodies made as they melded into one another as you let him take everything you had to give. 

“Fuck me- That’s what you want, Momma? Fuck, I can’t wait to get you pregnant. See how beautiful you look carrying our baby again. Let everyone know you’re fucking mine with our baby growning inside you.” Letting his hand shift from your breast, he began sliding it up your chest, wrapping it around your jaw to tilt your head over your shoulder towards him, staring into his deep brown eyes before engulfing your lips in a long, wet kiss, your mouths becoming a tangled mess of tongue and teeth without ever relenting his pace. 

His other hand dipped between your legs to circle your clit, still sensitive and swollen from your first orgasm, now throbbing even harder from his touch and feeling the heat beginning to bloom in  your belly as you felt your second high begin to approach. 

Javi knew just as well as you did that you were close to cumming again, feeling your pussy begin to flutter around his cock as his hips slapped against yours, breaking from your kiss to tug your earlobe between his teeth.

“Give me one more, Osita. Cum all over my cock and I’ll fill you up. Fill up this pretty little pussy ‘til she’s fucking stuffed and it’s got no choice but to fucking take and I knock you up.” 

“You promise?” You whispered, your breath shaky and legs trembling as Javi rubbed tighter, faster circles around your clit, still cradling your jaw to force your gaze on him. 

“I promise, baby. I fucking promise.” 

Almost instantly, you could feel the coil that had been winding tighter and tighter in your core suddenly began to snap, screaming out Javi’s name as you felt your second orgasm crash through you, consuming every inch of your body in euphoria, feeling like you had turned to Jello, the only thing keeping you up being Javi’s firm grasp around you. 

“That’s it, sweet girl. That’s it. Fuck, I’m close too, baby.” He mewled, his pace becoming frantic and sloppy as he held you up, fucking you through your high with reckless abandon, wanting to, no needing, to make sure he made good on his promise- that in 9 months from now, you’d have one more member in your family. 

Even though you were barely hanging on by a thread, you could feel Javi’s grip tightening around your jaw, tilting it back towards him, the firm pressure cupping your face enough to force your eyes open to meet the wrecked and ragged expression plastered across his face. 

“Eyes on me, Hermosa. Fuck, I need to- mierda- need to see that pretty face when I fuck you full of me. God, I love you so much, I love you so-ahhhhhhh, fuck.” It was then Javi’s turn to follow suit, only needing a few more pumps before he thrusted up once more, keeping himself buried deep inside your cunt as hot ropes of his spend covered your walls, making sure to milk himself of every last drop before even thinking of pulling out. 

Holding you in place still sitting on his cock, you could feel the mixture of the two of you beginning to drip down your thighs, prompting Javi to gently ease you off of him, letting your back hit the bed as carefully lifted your hips to slip one of the pillows underneath your bottom half, briefly admiring the wet mess between your legs before taking two fingers and collecting the arousal that had leaked from your cunt, attentively dragging it up your thighs and pushing it back into your heat, making you gasp at the sensation. 

“Gonna keep you full of me all day, sweet girl. Gotta make good on my promise.” He smirked, leaning down to pepper soft kisses to the inside of your thighs before slowly making his way back up your body, stopping at your lips for another tender kiss. 

“Given what just happened, I think you’re trying to kill me before you can make good on that promise, Jav. Jesus Christ.” You sighed, your voice riddled with breathy giggles as you playfully nudged your husband, now lying next to you, pulling you in to rest against the warmth of his bare chest. “You think Peña number 3 is gonna make an appearance soon?” 

“Like I said, mi amor, promise is a promise.” He smirked, boyish grin plastered across his face as he laid your hand across your stomach, gently rubbing it back and forth across your skin. “Plus, I think the girls will be thrilled to have another sister.” 

“Sister, huh? We don’t even know if there’s a baby in there yet you dork, let alone what it’s gonna be.” You snickered, rolling your eyes at Javi. 

“Been right about the other two. I’ll bet you all the breakfast sandwiches you want that it is.” 

“You’re absolutely ridiculous, I hope you know that. Thank you for this morning, Jav. The girls and I are so lucky to have you. I love you so much.” You sighed contently, smiling into Javi’s soft skin. 

“I love you too, Hermosa. All of you are the best things that have ever happened to me. All of my girls.” He winked, gently squeezing the curves of your belly, gesturing towards the daughter he proudly assumed he would be meeting in 9 months. 

“Well, all of us, or your new son and my unlimited amount of breakfast sandwiches.” you snickered, “When did your dad need us to go pick up the girls? We probably owe him a few breakfast sandwiches for watching the gremlins on such short notice.” 

“He said any time later today. Which means…” He smiled, caging his body over yours once again, as much time as we need to make sure that I win our bet.” 

“Game on, Peña.”

Taglist: @cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @messinadress @milly-louise @jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper @nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog @hopplessilse @mxtokko @its-nebuleuse @mandoisapunk @msmorningstaarr @amyispxnk @honeyedmiller @mountainsandmayhem @picketniffler @burningnerdchild @copperhalfcent @pedr0swh0r3

[wishful-soda]

Speak of the Devil : Chapter Sixteen

Daniel Ricciardo x Reader

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 10.2k

A/N: I once again extend my sincerest apologies for this being a month after the last update. I also apologize for the quality? Because I feel like y'all are witnessing my downfall with each chapter here and I'm so sorry 😂😂😂Much love to all of you, your support, comments, and just love in general means more to me that I could ever express and has really helped me find my way back to living this past month. 😘🥰 Can't wait to hear your thoughts. xoxo

Playlist

Masterlist

Chapter Sixteen - Friends

You laid Horner’s desk for a few more moments, unable to stop hearing his words in your head, over and over. He was right. He’d already broken down several of your walls, walls that you’d thought were thick concrete, covered in barbed wire. Your mind was determined to spiral, to make all of the things that had happened this evening come crashing down around you. However before it all hit, another thought smacked you in the face. 

“Aren’t there security cameras?!” You gasped wide eyed, sitting up suddenly, nearly knocking Daniel onto the ground. You spun your head to get a look at his face in hopes he was calmer than you were at this moment.

And of course, he was. 

“I may or may not have paid off a security guard…” Daniel sat up as well, propping up himself on his hands, giving you a proud grin. 

“What?!” You half gasped, half laughed. “Just how long have you been planning this?” 

“I mean, I didn’t actually pay him, like in cash or anything. So I guess it’d be more of a bribe?” His triumphant smile turned into a sheepish grin. 

“Because the fact that you didn’t cut him a check makes it much better?” You questioned with a giggle in your voice, scooting yourself off the desk and grabbing your jeans.

“I agreed to go to his kid’s birthday party.” Daniel laughed, keeping his gaze firmly on you the entire time you dressed. You paused, shirt in hand. 

“I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.” 

“I’m not! I asked him what I could do and he just said that I was his kid’s favorite driver and that if I came to his party, he’d help me out, no questions asked.” Daniel chuckled again, shrugging and then moving to redress as well. 

You shook your head in disbelief, a wry smile on your face.  “And here I thought you were being wild and impulsive. Daniel Ricciardo is planned and careful, I could bring down your entire image.” You teased. 

“Wild and impulsive would be fun until we both lose our jobs and security camera footage is posted everywhere.” Daniel huffed. 

“Well at least I had the illusion of it being impulsive, appreciate that.” You winked with a click of your tongue. 

Daniel huffed out a breath in amusement and then strode towards you, patting his pocket to ensure he still had the keys. 

“Should we…” You gestured to all of the items that were on Horner’s desk that were now strewn across the office and the smudge prints from various body parts on his glass desk. 

Daniel looked as if he was mulling it over and then sighed in annoyance. 

“I say we pick up the shit on the floor and leave the desk dirty.” He looked to you to see if you agreed. 

“Alright, but why?” You agreed, bending down to start gathering pens, paperclips and other items scattered. 

“Well I don’t want to get anyone fired, can you imagine how uncomfortable that birthday party would be then?” Daniel said, following suit to help you quickly tidy up. “But also I want him to wonder how the fuck he got his desk so dirty.” He smirked villainously. 

Once everything was picked up and organized back on the desk, okay kind of organized because neither you or Daniel could really remember exactly where everything was, Daniel ensured to lock the door behind you. 

As you walked through the dark, empty building for a second time, you turned your head to look up at him in stride next to you. 

“What?” He frowned. 

“You planned all of this. You got the keys, bribed the security guard, cleaned up so no one could get fired. But you didn’t tell me any of this initially. You wanted it to seem spur of the moment and reckless. Why?” You watched his face in the darkness, scanning it for any clue as to what was going on inside his head. You felt like you knew the answer, but you wanted to hear it from him. 

Daniel was silent for several steps, his eyes on his shoes as he walked. 

“You’re mad.” He finally breathed out a loud sigh, his head shaking slightly, his expression looking as though he was beating himself up? 

“What?” You stopped, placing a hand on his forearm to stop him. 

“You’re mad right?” Daniel, turned his body to face you fully, his big brown eyes meeting yours. “Because I let you believe it was something it wasn’t.” 

You blinked. That wasn’t what you were feeling at all. You were in awe that he would go to so much trouble to plan anything for you. It wasn’t a date or even anything romantic by any means, but he thought about it in advance and took steps to make sure none of it would affect you in a negative way. He let you have a fun thrilling experience all while he’d protected you. At the same time he managed to get you to realize just how much you really trusted him. 

You looked at his crestfallen face and something inside you cracked. You were so critical of him that his go to thought was ‘she’s pissed’. And why wouldn’t it be? That was your default. No matter what he did, that’s what you fell back on so of course that would be exactly what he expected. 

When you didn’t respond, Daniel glanced down at his watch. You thought it was to be a dick, but when his eyes widened slightly and he grabbed your wrist, you knew that wasn’t the case. 

“Shit. The other security guard is about to come on, I promised we’d be out by 4am.” He explained as he began walking quickly towards the same doors you’d come in. 

You hurried along with him, slipping out the doors and glancing around nervously to see if anyone was around. Thankfully, the coast was still clear. 

Daniel took the keys from his pocket and searched for the right one, his brow furrowed in concentration. He looked like he was really overthinking something and suffering inner turmoil. 

He fumbled the keys, letting out a harsh swear after the clank of them hitting the ground. 

You bent down and scooped them up swiftly.  Remembering which key he’d just been about to use, you locked the door quickly and then placed the keys back in his palm. You paused for a moment and clasped your fingers around his hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze. 

“Thanks.” He sighed as he pulled his hand from yours, looking from the door to the waiting car, not even pausing to look directly at you. Your stomach felt queasy. 

You slid into the car behind him, noting the driver was the same. He must have just sat here and waited the entire time you were gone? You were sure the cost of that never even crossed Daniel’s mind.  

The silence in the car was heavy and you knew it was your fault. 

“Hey.” You said softly, your voice so quiet in hopes the driver wouldn’t overhear your entire conversation. 

“Hmm?” Daniel grunted, busying himself with adjusting his hat. 

“Hey.” You said louder this time. “Danny.” When he still didn’t look at you, you huffed loudly and slid across the small middle space of the bench seat and practically into his, roughly bumping your leg against his.

“Geez, I said what!” He quipped back, now turning and looking out of the window since it was much harder not to look at you with you inches from his face. 

“Well you won’t look at me!” You matched his tone. “I seem to remember someone saying that they liked to look at people when they talk to them.” 

Daniel groaned and finally turned to look at you. His eyes looked tortured. Like he was absolutely tearing himself up inside. Like he had a million things to say to you that were about to burst out of him and it was taking absolutely everything in him to hold them inside. 

“I was going to say something back there but then we had to rush off all espionage-y.” You gave him a small tentative smile, hoping he’d come back to playing with you. 

“I know you’re mad at me, I don’t really want to hear it right now though. Can you yell at me tomorrow? ”

“Dan, would you please just stop assuming and let me talk?” You said firmly, though your words weren’t laced with the aggression that would normally come with a statement like that. 

He lifted his hand and gestured to say ‘be my guest’

You really wanted to say what you were about to say to his face, but as you began to speak, his eyes back you back down, your gaze glancing around from your hands to his hands to his face and anywhere else that wasn’t his eyes. 

“I’m not mad at you. I’m not even kind of upset or irritated with you at all.” You forced yourself to look at him, meeting a surprised expression from him. “That wasn’t what I meant at all when I asked you why you did all of this.” 

“Oh.” He replied quietly. “I just assum-”

“That I was because it’s my default setting, yeah I know.” You finished for him, slumping back against the seatback behind you. 

“When it involves me, yeah.” He turned to look out the window again. 

Why did it bother you so much? You had spent the past 27 and something months being mad at him. You had perfected it. That should be a compliment to you that he was assuming you were mad because that meant you were succeeding in making him realize just how much you couldn’t stand him. 

Only the idea of him thinking you were always mad at him felt different now. 

“I’m honestly impressed.” You continued. You needed to get out what you wanted to get out before you lost your nerve. Daniel’s head spun towards you so fast you had a brief worry of whiplash. 

“Really, I mean you planned all of this out and I know it wasn’t a date or anything gross like that, but I appreciated the thought that went into it. Well really I appreciated all of it actually.”  You gave him a closed lip smile. 

“A-are you…thanking me?” Daniel spoke as if he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth. 

“Jesus Dan, you say that like you’d expect hell to freeze over first.” You grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“Well…yeah.” He shrugged, his body language saying ‘can you blame me?’. “You’re always pissed at me.” 

You backhanded his chest, knowing it didn’t hurt much with the amount of muscle he had sculpted there. You were right, didn’t even phase him, he just laughed, that warm smile slowly creeping back onto his face. 

“Well stop doing things to piss me off, ever consider that?” You teased, a smile tugging on the corners of your mouth.

“I thought that you were upset that I gave you the impression it was spontaneous and risky” His tone was apologetic. “Then you find out it was a sham.” He huffed a laugh. 

“Which part should I be angry about? That you planned something and ensured our careers weren’t fucked afterwards? Or that you let me experience the fun, exciting part all while still being protected?” You spoke more frankly than you usually did with him and you could tell he was surprised as well.  “It doesn’t make me angry. It makes me feel…” You cut yourself off, suddenly hearing your words aloud and realizing what you’d just been about to say to him. 

“Makes you feel what?” Daniel breathed, his eyes not leaving yours. You swallowed thickly, the sound louder than usual in your ears. You shook your head, trying to dismiss it. 

“Nothing.” You broke eye contact and looked straight ahead. Daniel groaned in annoyance. You felt his leg knock against yours. 

“Tell me. Tell me and then I’ll tell you something you want to know. Deal?” He held his hand out for you to shake on it. 

You contemplated for a moment, thinking of all the different things you’d love to ask him, trying to narrow it down. Daniel wiggled his fingers impatiently, his eyebrows raised. 

You placed your hand in his and shook. You were briefly distracted by the feel of his larger hand, the way his fingers wrapped nearly all the way around your hand, how firm his shake was. 

When you looked back up at him, he was smirking, like he knew exactly where your thoughts had just gone and why you’d been staring at his hand like an idiot for way too long. 

“You go first.” You stated, trying to calm down the heat of embarrassment in your cheeks. 

“How is that fair?!” Daniel cried out. 

Before the two of you could properly get into it, the car came to a halt outside the hotel. You reached for the door handle, only to be stopped by Daniel’s hand grabbing your wrist firmly. 

“Hold up!” He craned his neck around, looking out of all of the windows to ensure no one was around to see the pair of you getting out of a car together at 4:00 in the morning. 

You hadn’t even thought to check. You were about to just waltz right out of the car, Daniel in tow, continuing your conversation.

I need to get my head back in the game…You told yourself.  

Daniel released your wrist, he must have determined it was all clear, and you opened the door and gave a gracious nod to the driver before hurrying to the doors of the hotel, hoping to put some distance between you and Daniel.

“I’m so fucking tired of hotels.” Daniel spoke once the elevator doors closed. He wasn’t necessarily planning on speaking out loud, but it was late and the entire night had been a rollercoaster. He had all but sprinted to keep up with you after you got out of the car and yet you stood intimately close to him in the large elevator. 

“You and I both. The next two weeks at home are going to be heaven.” You sighed longingly, gazing seemingly off into space. 

Daniel wanted to ask where you planned on being for those two weeks, but that would be just too desperate of him and he knew it. He’d already given away the lengths that he went to tonight, he couldn’t come off as that clingy. Uncool. 

“Are you going to be in Monaco?” You turned towards him slightly as you asked, but your eyes didn’t meet his. Daniel bit back the grin that threatened to break loose at the fact that you basically read his mind. 

“I haven’t decided.” Daniel responded. It was a little bit of a lie. He’d already decided that if you were going to be in Monaco, then so was he. If you weren’t then he’d act like he had previously decided to be at his home in LA. He did his best to not look into the way it seemed your shoulders sunk just a fraction at his answer.

The elevator halted and he waited for you to step off first before following suit, both of you glancing in all directions to ensure you were still alone. He followed you to your room and only when you were almost to your door did he think about what was supposed to come next. He didn’t know if he was supposed to come in or drop you off at the door. With all the time you’d already spent with him, he knew it was most likely a drop at the door situation. He was already on borrowed time. 

You stopped at the door to your room and spun to look at him, leaning back against the door frame, your foot placed flat against the wall behind you, your eyes now showing signs of exhaustion. He felt a little guilty that he’d kept you out so late. 

“It makes me feel safe.” You suddenly stated. It was probably also exhaustion that caused the delay in Daniel’s understanding of what you were talking about. 

When it clicked, Daniel completely froze.

“What?” He hated himself the moment he said it, he had heard you the first time and you knew he had but he needed to buy himself a couple more seconds to figure out what he was supposed to say next. Alright and he also wanted to hear you say it again…

You gave him a look that definitely said you knew he heard you. 

“You made me feel safe. Well. I guess ‘make me’ would be more accurate. Present tense.” You didn’t shy away from looking in his eyes and for the first time ever, he kind of wished you would. The feeling in his chest and stomach was too much and your eyes only made it more intense.

 His mouth fell open, partly in shock, partly in an attempt to form some words. He became very aware of the fact that his mouth was just opening and closing and he wasn’t getting anywhere. 

“You look like a fish.” You tittered, your foot behind you resting on the wall pushing you to stand up straight, smirking the entire time. 

Daniel couldn’t help but laugh, acknowledging you were right. His thoughts were so mixed up that he still didn’t know what to say to you. There was pride in the fact that he made you feel safe, then there was shock that you’d said something that nice to him, and then there was the heaviness of a statement like that, it felt so heavy for a conversation between you and him. By just telling him that you were proving it then weren’t you?

“Sorry, forgot to lace that first statement with some malice to keep the vibes between us normal.” You hummed when he again failed to speak. You shot him a  wink and then looked down to your bag, digging through it for your room key. 

Say something. Anything. 

Daniel knew his window was closing and yet he didn’t know how he was supposed to play this. 

The sound of your door unlocking and the click of you opening it was his buzzer, alerting him that time was up. 

You smiled genuinely at him and now he just couldn’t breathe at all. “I know you have lots of nights that are fun and end up getting into all sorts of things so it was just another night for you, but I had a lot of fun tonight.” 

Daniel didn’t know if he was a complete idiot or not, but he felt like you wanted him to tell you otherwise. Like you were digging to see what tonight had meant to him. 

“I don’t have-” 

“I had no idea where you were!” 

Daniel looked up over your shoulder to see your ‘boyfriend’ emerging from the dark room behind you. Charles looked disheveled, his hair a mess, clearly having been asleep. 

So you were sharing a room with him. 

Daniel knew it most likely had to happen. It would be weird if you were dating and didn’t share a room. But he still hated it. He tried to peer over Charles’ shoulder into the room to see how many beds there were, but he couldn’t tell. 

“And you look like you were torn up over it, mate.” Daniel deadpanned, the sarcasm hitting straight to the point.

“Max was.” Charles said flatly and Daniel saw the effect those words had on you, your eyes widening. 

“What did you tell him?” You spun towards Charles, Daniel effectively losing all of your attention. He wondered if Charles did that on purpose…

“That you drank too much and went back to the hotel to sleep.” Charles might as well have said ‘Duh’ the way his tone came off so sharp. “What did you do?” He hissed, throwing a look to Daniel and then putting his attention back on you. 

“Nothing!” You shoved Charles back into the room, rolling your eyes and that was enough to put the slightest whisper of a smile on Daniel’s face.

“Well c’mon before someone sees you.” He shot another look at Daniel. 

“Alright thanks mate, but she has a mum.” Daniel cut in, desperate to get the moment back so he could redeem himself instead of you remembering that time you said something nice to him and he stood there looking like a fish. 

Charles' eyes widened in what Daniel could only call… horror? He looked to you, placing a hand on your shoulder gently, as if he was checking to see if you were alright. 

“Really?” You hissed through grit teeth, eyes narrowed at Charles. You shook his hand from your shoulder before shoving him back into the room again, only this time harder. 

Daniel shook his head in confusion, trying to figure out what had just transpired there between you and Charles that had so clearly flown over his head. Once Charles held up his hands in surrender and walked back into the darkness of the room, you spun back around to face him. 

“See you around?” You asked, only one corner of your mouth pulling upwards in a half smile. “And I’m not forgetting that you owe me, you better hold up your end of our deal.” 

“I’m a man of my word.” Daniel nodded, returning the smile in an attempt to hide his disappointment in the way the night ended, that he didn’t get to say what he should have, and at the nagging feeling in his gut that he’d just done something wrong. 

He took a step back from the door, turning to make a start down the hall to his own when he suddenly felt your body flush against his, hands on the sides of his face, pulling his mouth down to yours, kissing him firmly but quickly. 

Daniel didn’t even have time to kiss you properly before you slipped out of his grasp again, retreating back to the door. 

Which had locked again upon shutting. 

Daniel couldn’t control the grin that burst onto his face, so big his cheeks hurt when he realized you’d now locked yourself out. 

“That’s not quite how you saw it happening in your head is it?” He asked, daringly. 

You spun around to look at him and your cheeks were pinked, a sheepish smile on your face and Daniel couldn’t have held in his laughter if he tried. 

“It’s not funny!” You whined, yet a giggle broke into your voice and you jiggled the handle rapidly. 

“That’s not gonna do it, babe.” He cackled, putting his hands in his pockets, watching you search through your purse for the key you’d had moments ago, your cheeks getting redder by the moment. 

“Shush!” 

Daniel always saw you put together, confident, cunning, except on a rare occasion where maybe you drank too much. But this wasn’t alcohol, this was just a silly mistake that had ruined the smoothness of your move. 

You were flustered and Daniel fucking loved it.

He normally thought it was cheesy when someone said ‘oh they’re so adorable when they’re…etc etc’ about their partner, it was so mushy it made him roll his eyes. And yet, in his head, all he could think was how fucking adorable you looked. 

The door to your room flung open suddenly, causing you to jump in surprise and let out a cute little squeal, in turn only making him laugh more. 

“Oh my God, the entire hall can hear you idiots giggling out here!” Charles scolded in a hushed whisper-yell. You were rolling your eyes again before he even finished his sentence. 

“Night Danny.” You smiled, the traces of color still on your cheeks. Hearing you call him ‘Danny’ never seemed to fail to make him melt inside. You knew it, he knew it, but still he got a rush of thrill, like he couldn’t believe it was happening, everytime you said it. 

“G’night ma’am.” He winked, grinning widely at the rush of pink that flooded back to your face. He’d bet just about any sum that you were kicking yourself for showing him that picture now. 

“Always with a different name…” you grumbled, giving him one last smirk before closing the door behind you. 

Being home for a break was always rejuvenating. The plane, hotel, paddock, hotel, repeat schedule got old and it was always welcomed to have some break in the monotony and be back in your own space. 

You’d spent your time shopping, sleeping in, seeing friends and just decompressing from the stress and drama that was F1 and was your life in general lately. You and Charles had been seen together several times, on purpose of course. The fact that you both lived in Monaco meant that you needed to keep up the illusion while on break, especially for Max’s sake. 

However you weren’t sure the ruse would last much longer as Max was either on to you or something because he was back to asking questions about Daniel. And if there was one thing about Max that was always true,  it was that he never beat around the bush. He wanted if you felt like you could spend time with him without wanting to punch him in the face, if you thought he was a good teammate. 

The questions were pointed and honestly a little unnerving, but you held your composure. 

That was until the night that you, Charles, Max and Daniel were all together. 

It had happened by coincidence, you were at Max’s apartment hanging out and Charles had come over to play video games with Max. You spent most of the time scrolling through your phone or reading on the couch while the two boys shouted at each other. 

It was a quiet but pleasant evening, just what you wanted while on break. Until the knock at the door. 

Max and Charles didn’t even move a muscle, enthralled in their game. 

“Really.” You sighed, rolling your eyes and then resigning yourself to answer it yourself. 

And of course, on the other side, was Daniel. He wore jeans and a simple black t-shirt with an unbuttoned flannel over it. And as if he knew you’d be here, his snapback hat sat on his head. Backwards. 

You absolutely hated the excitement that coursed through you when you saw his face. It had only been a few days, but you weren’t sure if he was in Monaco or not and didn’t want to be the one to reach out first. You didn’t know what the rules were when you were home. 

So when you saw him standing in front of you, wide smile on his face, you had to restrain yourself from throwing your arms around him and hugging him tightly. You tried to school your face into a neutral expression, to hide how excited you were to see him. 

“Sorry, I must have the wrong apartment, I was looking for Max Verstappen, is he home?” Daniel feigned confusion. 

You bit back a smirk and held in a giggle. 

“Who? Yeah, sorry, you have the wrong apartment for sure.” You played back, frowning at him. 

“Shoot.” Daniel sighed, a huff of frustration. “I’m Daniel by the way.” He pivoted, holding his hand out to you, that wide mischievous smile returning to his face like he couldn’t even help it. 

You stated your name with a giggle and then took his hand and shook. “Nice to meet you.” 

Daniel’s eyes lit up at the statement. 

“The pleasure’s all mine.” He squeezed your hand in his, his eyes locked on yours intently, the secret the two of you held simmering behind them. 

He finally broke the gaze and let his eyes wander down your body and back up again, very slowly. You felt a flicker of heat, deep in your core at the intensity held in his eyes. You couldn’t help but wonder if he missed you like you missed him the past few days. 

You stepped aside to let him in. 

“Do you often invite strangers in?” He teased, stepping way too close to you. The way he smelled…god you could wrap yourself up in that scent and be so content. 

“Only good looking ones.” You responded, because you knew he expected you to be snarky. When he blinked in surprise, you knew it worked. 

“Who is it?” Max bellowed from the living room, pulling you back down to Earth firmly. 

“It’s Daaaaaa….” You caught yourself in the middle of calling him Dan and tried to recover, only to end up trailing off and making the situation even worse somehow. 

“Daddy?” Daniel asked, quiet enough that only you heard him, pure amusement in his eyes. 

You shot him a glare and raised your hand to smack him but he moved faster than you could predict, grabbing your wrist and then yanking you into his chest. He grabbed the back of your neck and kissed you firmly, his tongue diving into your mouth, rough and passionate. It was hot and messy and you knew it would be over quickly, but once his lips touched yours, you knew, you could tell, he missed you too. 

When he broke the kiss and let you go, he stepped back, leaving a space from you to him. You were about to question why he’d kiss you and then leap away, but you had your answer when Max came strolling into the foyer. 

“Who the fuck is ‘Daaaaaah’?” Max laughed and then spotted Daniel, his expression falling. “Oh it’s just Daniel.” 

You cackled. 

“Ouch.” Daniel clapped his hand to his chest, wounded.

“You can come in but only if you and Charles can get along.” Max said pointedly to Daniel, his expression holding something else unsaid beneath it. Whatever it was, Daniel understood and nodded, holding his hands up in surrender. 

“I’m just here to have a good time.” He smirked, very well knowing he had been the instigator the past few times he and Charles got into it. 

Max paused and looked at you and then Daniel and then back to you again. 

“Remember when I used to have to make you promise to be nice before you two could be in a room together?” He laughed, starting back towards the living room, you and Daniel a few steps behind him. “I would have put money on this never happening.” 

Your stomach dropped. 

“This?” You stammered, trying and failing, to play it cool. 

Max flopped onto the couch where he’d sat before, his ever present blase expression on his face. 

“Yeah, this.” He gestured between you and Daniel. You didn’t dare look at Daniel. You stayed frozen to where you stood. 

Fuck. This is it. He knows. Beg for forgiveness now before he even says anything else, just start apologizing. 

“You and Daniel being friends.” 

The relief you felt could have brought you to your knees. However before you could revel in that feeling, you really heard Max’s words. Friends. Friends. 

In any other situation the word isn’t a huge deal. It’s not something to fuss over or even argue. You had lots of friends. But for you and Daniel, it was a big fucking deal. And both of you knew it. 

Daniel looked as surprised as you did, looking to you as if he was waiting to follow your lead on how to respond. 

Denying would only seem weird and make a casual remark into something more. 

“Only took 3 years.” Charles remarked from the kitchen. 

“It was TWO.” You clarified. 

“I’m an acquired taste.” Daniel interjected. 

Max made a grossed out face at the exact same time you did, making Daniel tilt his head back and cackle. 

As the three men started chatting, you zoned out, beginning to do what you did best. Overthink. 

Friends. 

It wasn’t like it was an official title or anything. You didn’t have to announce it to the world. As far as you were concerned, everyone else would remain under the impression that you couldn’t stand Daniel and wanted nothing to do with him. Besides, seeing the two of you fight in public did enough for that image. 

But then…you couldn’t remember the last time you fought in public. When was the last time you had a proper knock down drag out like the good ‘ol days? His birthday? No. You fought in his room, no one even knew there was an issue. If you weren’t fighting any more then….

You felt like you were going to puke. This wasn’t optics or someone’s opinion. You couldn’t convince yourself it wasn’t true. 

You were friends with Daniel Ricciardo. With the devil himself. The one person you swore to hate until the day you died. You could remember actually swearing a vow on some book (because no one you were friends with would have a bible on hand) that you’d always hate his guts one drunken night when the subject of him was brought up. 

What the fuck happened?

“Hellooo? You in?” 

Max’s voice snapped you out of it, bringing you back into the moment where he stood waving a hand in front of your face. 

“In?” You questioned. 

“Poker. Did you miss the entire conversation?” 

“Sorry, I…zoned out.” You gave him an innocent smile. “I’m paying attention now, scouts honor” You held up your hand, two fingers up in a V.

“Which scouts?” Daniel chortled. “That’s a peace sign.” 

“Yeah? And now what’s it mean?” You spun your hand so the back of it was facing Daniel, fingers facing you turning it into a vulgar gesture. 

Daniel playfully smacked your hand and you responded by shoving him. 

“Do you want to play poker or not?!” Charles blurted, causing you and Daniel to both freeze like reprimanded children. 

“Yes, sounds lovely.” You smiled sweetly at him.

“Yes, sounds lovely.” Daniel responded, mimicking your voice. He grunted and then broke into bellowing laughter again at the impact of your elbow to his side.

“Jesus Christ, I forgot how annoying it is when the two of you are in the same room…” Max groaned, shaking his head as he strode off to set up for the game. Charles followed, his annoyance all over his face. 

Once they were out of earshot, Daniel turned to you, an impossibly large grin on his face. 

“We’re friends.” 

It didn’t make you want to puke when he said it…

A few hours and a few drinks later, you’d cleaned up pretty well, much to the annoyance of all three of the drivers at the table with you.

Max had been saying he was about to quit if the next hand didn’t turn around for the past 10 hands, Charles kept mumbling in French, and Daniel was convinced you were cheating. 

“It should be against the rules to smile when you have a SHIT hand!” Daniel griped, tossing his cards on the table in defeat yet again. 

“That’s literally a key factor of the game. It’s called bluffing.” You scooped up your winnings, a cocky smirk gracing your lips. “And who says I’m smiling about my cards?” 

“I’m letting you win.” Charles said matter of factly. “Because I’m a good boyfriend.” 

Max and Daniel groaned in unison.

“What! I am!” Charles cried. 

“You guys are sore losers.” You laughed, handing the cards to Daniel to shuffle and deal. 

Once the cards were dealt and you’d raised the bet an obscene amount, Max bowed out. The following time around, Charles did the same. 

When it came time for Daniel to call or fold, he pulled out his wallet and then frowned. 

“Alright you have all my cash so I’ll bet something else.” He declared, tossing his wallet onto the table. 

“What? Like what?!” You laughed.

“A tattoo.” He smirked villainously, his eyes challenging you, daring you. 

“Excuse me, a what?” 

“If I win the hand, I pick a tattoo and you have to get it. If you win, you pick a tattoo that I have to get.” 

“That is the most stupid idea! Don’t do it, he could pick anything.” Charles waved Daniel off dismissively. 

Maybe it was the smile you wanted to wipe off his face, maybe it was the way he looked like he thought there was no way you’d do it. No one at the table thought you’d do it. 

“Deal.” You blurted. 

“What?!” “Good lord.” Max and Charles protested, but the only reaction you cared about was Daniel’s. 

He looked surprised, his eyebrows raising. You reached out to shake on it and he pulled his hand away quickly. 

“There’s no getting out of this.” He explained, his tone serious. “If you shake my hand, there’s no going back, you gotta follow through.” 

You leaned in closer to him, narrowing your eyes. 

“I’m not scared Ricciardo.” You whispered before smacking your palm to his, shaking his hand firmly. 

“Does she at least get to pick where it goes?” Charles sighed. 

“Hey! Why are you so sure I’m going to lose?!” You gasped in offense. 

“Sure, it can go anywhere she wants.” Daniel grinned widely at Charles. 

“I can’t decide who I want to win.” Max looked incredibly amused, ever excited to laugh at your expense like the younger brother figure he’d always been. 

“Please win so that I don’t have to look at a tattoo chosen by another man.” Charles added one last plea, ever living up to the boyfriend role. 

You saw something flicker in Daniel’s eyes at the comment and when he faced you fully again, he looked extremely serious. 

“On 3?” You asked, holding your cards anxiously. Daniel nodded. 

“1…” Everyone at the table counted in unison. 

“2….” Max and Charles stood to get a better view.

“3!” 

You slapped your cards to the table, your eyes immediately going to the ones Daniel had laid out in front of him. It was silent for a few seconds as everyone compared the two hands. 

A silence that was broken by Charles of all people, bursting into laughter.

“FUCK YES!” Daniel leapt from his chair, pumping a fist in the air. 

You stared at the cards, your mouth open in shock. 

You lost.

How had you lost? You smacked your hands to your face, covering it in shame and despair, trying to drown out the whoops and hollers coming from the Australian. 

“Out of all the hands I won, this had to be the one I lost?” You grumbled, your voice muffled by your hands. 

“No one forced your hand, you got too cocky.” Max said flatly, not an ounce of empathy in his voice. 

“Shut up.” You snapped, to which Max only laughed in response. 

The game disbursed after that hand, Max and Charles retreating to play more video games, leaving you to wallow at the table. 

When you pulled your hands from your face, you were met with Daniel sitting in the chair next to you, waiting patiently for you to come out from hiding. His grin made you want to hide again. 

“How bad is it going to be?” You groaned. 

“I haven’t decided yet. There’s just too many options, I can’t narrow any of them down!” He chuckled, leaning back in his chair, hands behind his head confidently. 

“I hope you know it’s going somewhere that no one will ever see it.” You said petulantly. 

“Mm, I think no matter where you put it I’ll still get to see it.” Daniel smiled wickedly. 

“That’s what you think! The chances of you ever seeing anything will depend on what you chose.” 

“Alright, alright. What about a lifelike depiction of a Honey Badger?” He couldn’t even keep a straight face while suggesting it. 

“That would have to be huge!” 

“We never put any size restrictions on this.” 

“I would have been nice to you if I won.” You could hear the lie in your voice as soon as you said. Daniel could too, he cackled in response. 

“No way! I reckon you’d have picked something awful. Don’t pretend like you’re not still a little mean.” 

“I Hate Texas” You waved your hand in front of you like you could see the writing there. 

“You’re a lot mean!” Daniel gasped in horror. You laughed triumphantly when he had the exact response you’d expected and hoped for. 

Your conversation came to a screeching halt when Max strode back into the dining room. You could see the suspicion on his face. 

“I’d thought you’d be a lot more upset.” His tone held suspicions of it’s own. 

“Who says I’m not?” You crossed your arms, leaning back and away from Daniel. 

“The way you are chatting says you’re not. You’re not allowed to bribe Daniel to pick something you want.” 

“Aren’t you supposed to be on MY side?” You raised a brow at him. 

“Rules are rules.” He shrugged. Daniel snickered. 

“What rules?! Can I please get a copy of the rules?” You cried out, only to be met with laughter, yet again. 

Even with losing a bet to Daniel and your best friend on his side, you still realized you felt…happy. 

You should have been sleeping when your phone started ringing at 2:00am, but instead you’d spent your time contemplating what the hell had happened that allowed you to become friends with Daniel. And not…mad about it? 

“Hello?” 

“How’re ya goin’?” Daniel’s voice made your stomach flutter and you hated yourself for it. He was calling you at 2:00am. You weren’t an idiot, you knew what it meant. A booty call. 

“Fine. And yourself?” 

“Oh, very well, thanks. Still reeling after such a successful poker night.” 

You could practically hear the smirk on his face. 

“You lost a ton of money but won one bet and that’s a wildly successful poker night?”

“Come outside.” The playfulness was gone, replaced by something else. Something that made you shiver. 

You began to contemplate your next move and then stopped yourself short. 

No. No more overthinking. 

“Be right down.” You promised, hopping up to grab some shoes. You grabbed only your keys and phone, tossing them into the pocket of your hoodie and hurried down the stairs of your apartment building. 

When you got down to the street, you realized you had no idea what kind of car Daniel was driving. However, before you could reach for your phone, a car pulled up directly in front of you, the window of the passenger side rolled down. 

Daniel smiled affectionately at you and the world stopped for just a second. 

You quickly got in and shut the door, your eyes going to the snapback hat on Daniel’s head. 

“Backwards hat again?” You asked, buckling your seatbelt as he pulled away from the curb. “Pandering.” 

“Says the girl wearing my hoodie.” Daniel quipped back. 

Shit. This was his hoodie and you’d put it on because it still smelled like him but you were never supposed to leave the house in it! Much less let him know you wore it. 

“That’s different.” You scrambled. 

“Oh? And how?” Daniel sounded eager to hear how you were going to talk your way out of it. 

“Because you put it on on purpose so I’d see it and you were never supposed to know that I wore this or see me in it.” 

Daniel looked more pleased with that answer than if you would have told him you wore it for him. 

“Right, gotcha.” He laughed, his eyes lingering on you a little too long. 

“Watch the road.” 

“I am a world class driver, I don’t need a backseat driver alright?” 

“I’m in the passenger seat.” 

“Keep it up and you’re getting the worst tattoo I can think of.”  Daniel tried to sound threatening, but it was lost completely with the smile and laugh in his voice. 

“So a Daniel Ricciardo tattoo?” You couldn’t help it. It was too easy and too much fun. 

Daniel laughed loudly, the sound warming you from the inside out as you wore a proud smile. 

As he pulled into his parking garage you realized just how close he lived to you. And also reminded of just how much more money he had than you. 

You whistled lowly at the cars you passed. 

“What?” Daniel asked, pulling into a spot and shutting off the car. 

“It’s like a museum of expensive cars.” You laughed. 

“You do remember you’re in Monaco right?” 

“Duh. I just…nevermind, it’s not important.” You unbuckle your seatbelt and get out of the car, waiting for Daniel as you didn’t know which way to go. You’d never been to his apartment. 

Daniel strode up next to you, taking your hand in his. You looked down at your hands, blinking in surprise. Your cheeks were going to actually hurt from smiling by the time this day was over. 

The door to Daniel’s apartment was barely even closed and his lips were already on yours. He kisses you passionately, the kiss feels…different…than before. Like he’s missed you. His kiss makes your head spin, even though you’d ought to be used to it by now. 

His hands are on your waist as he pulls you to him firmly. His hands then slide down, the pads of his fingers press firmly into your ass and you whimper in response, fingers threading through his hair and gripping tightly. 

His mouth devours yours, his teeth biting your lips and then his tongue smoothing over the bites soothingly. The sounds you make are desperate and needy and should be absolutely embarrassing, but you don’t care. You can’t care. You hadn’t seen him at all for a few days before today and you craved him more than you’d ever admit. 

You pull his flannel off of him, tossing it somewhere as he walks you somewhere, navigating slowly without breaking the contact between your lips. You feel the edge of his bed hit the back of your legs and you fall back, taking him with you. 

Daniel pulls your leggings off in seconds, his movements hurried and desperate. You raise an eyebrow in question. 

“Can’t drag it out, m’sorry babe.” He shakes his head. “Need to be inside you, I’ve missed it so much.” 

Your stomach flips in the most delicious way at his words, unsure of which part of his confession you like the most. 

You nod, sitting up to help rid him of his shirt, your lips finding their way back to his desperately. 

Daniel fumbles with his pants and boxers and then before you even realize what’s happening, he’s pinned you to his bed, your arms above your head, held with one of his large hands at your wrists. His other hand discards your underwear and his knee knocks your legs open wider. 

You glance down at the hoodie you’re still wearing and Daniel tracks your eye movement. 

“I want you to leave it on. I want to fuck you in my clothes.” He states as he pauses to take you in, his eyes scanning you from head to toe. 

His words make you squirm under him, your hips lifting up and pressing to his desperately searching for some friction. 

“Please” You whisper and whine. “Please Danny, need you.” 

Daniel obliges, pushing himself into you in one solid thrust. You cry out loudly, your arms fighting against the restraint he held you in. He releases you and your arms immediately wrap around him, one hand twisting into his hair. 

He always fills you so incredibly full, you’re not sure if you’ll ever get used to it. You hope you don’t, the stretch burns too perfectly. 

“Fuck…” Daniel breathes, his mouth right next to your ear. He’s still for a moment and you wiggle under him, urging him to move. 

“Hold on, I just…” He laughs breathlessly “...need a moment.” 

You laugh softly and he shudders in response, the muscles of his back rippling tight, a low groan coming from the back of his throat. 

“Don’t do that!” He whines.

“Don’t laugh?” You question, the question itself making you want to laugh. 

“I dunno what the fuck you’ve done, but you’ve turned me into a teenage boy.” He pulls back, looking down at you in astonishment. “The second I’m inside you it’s too good.” 

The way he makes eye contact with you while he says those words makes you writhe under him, you can’t help it. He smirks and slowly drags himself out of you and then thrusts back in roughly. Your eyes squeeze shut and all thoughts erase from your mind besides how fucking good he feels. 

Daniel’s hand slides between you, his fingers beginning to circle the aching bundle of nerves between your legs. You throw your head back against his bed, crying his name out loudly. 

“Missed this.” Daniel gasps, his hands holding your hips so firmly as he drives into you that you’re expecting bruises. 

You nod frantically in agreement, pulling him down to you so you can kiss him sloppily. 

“I promise I’ll take my time with you after this.” He whispers against your lips. “I’ll make you come over and over again until you pass out.” 

You moan at his words, nodding again involuntarily and begging for it before you even realize you’re speaking, not even recognizing the sound of your own voice. 

“Such a good girl” Daniel purrs, his fingers perfectly complementing his thrusts. “Always willing to do whatever it is I decide we’re doing.” 

His praise shoves you closer to the edge violently, and as you open your mouth to tell him you’re close, he speaks before you can. 

“You look so fucking good in my clothes. How was I supposed to go slowly with you when you show up in my hoodie and the sight drives me fucking mad.” Daniel leans down and nips the spot where your jaw meets your neck, just under your ear. 

“Makes you look like mine.” 

Mine.

The word pushes you over the edge. 

“Danny!” You come hard, your orgasm flooding every inch of your body with hot waves of pleasure, your vision almost blacking out for a moment.

Daniel coaxes you through each wave, and then holds you to him tightly as he comes inside you, your name and infinite praises cried into your ear. 

You’re both still for a moment and all you can hear over and over are the confusing words and titles uttered today. 

Friends. Mine. Missed you. 

For the first time, you let yourself think about what it would look like to actually be his. To spend every night in a bed next to him. To be able to hold his hand and kiss him in public. To finally get rid of the weight of such a huge secret. 

Before you can get much further, you stop yourself. Friends are a long cry from together. And the all those reasons you just simply ‘can’t’ are still there and still real. 

Daniel propped himself up on his arms and pulls out of you slowly and then flops onto his back, grabbing you and bringing you with him so you’re laying with your head on his chest, his arms wrapped around you tightly. You tense slightly. With all of your thoughts bringing you back to the very real reasons that you and Daniel would never seriously be together, the gesture now feels extremely intimate. 

So you quickly hop up and make an escape to the bathroom, which you assume can’t seem too weird as it’s something you’d need to do no matter what.

When you come back, Daniel smiles from where he’s now sitting in bed and wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you to him to hug you tightly, his face on your stomach buried in the fabric of his hoodie.

You tense entirely this time. 

“What?” Daniel notices and pulls back to look up at you. 

“What what?” You don’t look down, in fact you close your eyes. 

“You got all stiff and weird.” He hugs you again, like trying again will remedy it. “See?!” 

“I’m not, I just wasn’t expecting you to hug me.” You shrug. 

“You aren’t much of a hugger, are you?” He says it casually, but it lands like kind of an insult. 

“I dunno…” You frown and pull out of his grasp, crossing the room to grab your discarded underwear and leggings, relieved that you have something to do to avoid his gaze. He’s kind of right, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy hugs.

“What, was someone not hugged enough as a child?” He laughs and you can hear the grin in his voice. 

He’s joking. You know he’s joking. Teasing like the two of you always do. And yet, you freeze with your hands pulling your pants up halfway up your legs, the words catching you completely off guard, making your stomach flip and this time it’s not in a good way. 

There’s a tense silence, like he’s waiting for you to laugh or tease him back or just…respond at all. You finish pulling your clothes on and then swallow, the lump forming in your throat making it challenging. 

It’s not his fault. He doesn’t know. You try and reassure yourself but when he speaks again, your rational brain leaves the building. 

“Mommy or Daddy issues could actually explain a lot. Why you aren’t a hugger…” He kept talking, still joking and all you wanted was for him to shut up. “..why you aren’t affectionate. Might even explain that praise kink you’ve got going on.” He winks and cackles, obviously trying to get a rise out of you. 

You feel like you’re going to throw up or cry or both. 

“Not affectionate?” You snap, whipping your head towards him. “How would you know if I’m affectionate or not?” 

Daniel’s smile falls from his face and his eyes widen in shock when he realizes you’re absolutely not joking. He just blinks a few times, stuttering for an answer. 

“Maybe I’m not a hugger or not affectionate towards you because you’re a giant shitass. Did you get that from your mommy and daddy?” You can’t help it. If you don’t scream at him you’ll break down in tears and that would be much, much worse. 

When your eyes start to burn with hot tears anyway, you know you have to get out of here. Sure you got a ride, but it’s Monaco and everything is close. You just need out of this apartment, where you can breathe, where you can sit down and ease the tightening growing in your chest. 

Before he can say anything else, you bolt, slamming his bedroom door behind you. You make it to the front door and grab your shoes, not bothering to even put them on. Your hand grabs the handle and you hear the bedroom door open, your name being called out frantically. 

“No, stop, just wait! I was just joking!” Daniel hurries after you, now clad in only boxer briefs. 

“Some joke.” You scoff, opening the door and then letting it slam shut behind you without even a glance back at him. Once you exit, you glance to the left and then the right, trying to remember which way you came from. 

The door opens again and you set off, needing to go any direction that takes you away from him. 

“Will you please just wait a fucking second?!” Daniel calls from the door. You’re relieved that he isn’t wearing any clothes because it means he can’t follow you any further. “I didn’t mean any of it like that!” 

You don’t give him any indication that you even heard him, you just keep speed walking intently. When it’s silent after that, you take a quick glance back behind you, exhaling in relief when you see his door shut again and no sign of him. 

You wrap your arms around yourself as you walk in the dark, inhaling slowly to try and ground yourself, but it doesn’t work, hot tears spill down your face, a soft sob wracking your body. 

“How could I be such a fucking stupid….” Daniel grumbled under his breath as he dressed as quickly as possible, nearly falling his face as he clumsily tried to get a shoe on.

He had to apologize. No way he was just going to let you leave like this. No way was he going to let everything go back to the way it was before, when you hated him so much you couldn’t stand to even be in the same room as him. 

The fact that dawned on him was one that should have been realized a long time ago. He didn’t know anything about your family at all. Not a single detail. You never spoke about them. 

Maybe that should have been my hint… He scolded himself again, shaking his head, furious at himself. He finally ran out the door, jeans and a random shirt thrown on, a hat grabbed on the way out. 

He jogged along the route you would have taken home, but saw no sign of you. Maybe you called a ride? Or sprinted all the way home so he wouldn’t have a chance of catching up to you? 

When he made it to your flat, he pounded on your door for what felt like 30 minutes. His hand was starting to get sore. But he wasn’t giving up, he couldn’t just leave, he needed to explain, to apologize for being such an oblivious asshole. 

He had to. He had to fix it because it was finally, finally starting to go right. 

Friends. Max had said you were friends today and you didn’t correct him or sound appalled at the idea.

And I had to go and blow it because I thought I was funny…

Daniel gave his hand a much needed rest and moved to your window, trying to peer in without looking like a creeper. The lights were off. He didn’t see your shoes by the door, any other signs that you'd recently got in. You didn’t come home. 

His mind quickly tried to decide what would make more sense, going to Charles or Max’s. If you went to Max’s he’d ask questions, he’d assume Charles upset you and knowing Max, he wouldn’t let it go easily with the other. 

But were you close enough with Charles to go to him for comfort?

How is it that I don’t even fucking know a goddamn important thing about her?! 

“Fuck!” He blurted in exasperation. He’d been angry at himself plenty of times before. Baku after the incident with Max. After many qualifying sessions this year. Even after the first time he met you. But this? This took the cake. 

“Alright. Charles’ first and then Max’s.” He spoke out loud to himself, like it would help him get a grip. It didn’t.

He wasn’t going to call first. He didn’t want to be told that you didn’t want to see him or to go home. No, he needed to see you tonight.

Thankfully on the 5th or 6th knock, the door to Charles’ apartment opened. 

Daniel knew just by how unimpressed Charles looked, that you had to be here. 

“You are a fucking idiot.” Charles stated. 

Yep that confirms it.

“I know.” Daniel nodded in agreement. “I know, I just need to talk to her for a second, she didn’t let me explain.” He tried to look over Charles shoulder to see if he could spot you, wave you down, something, anything. 

“I’m not sure there is much to explain, what you said was straight forward.” Charles didn’t so much as budge from where he stood blocking the door. 

“I know, but I didn’t know about….her situation…when  I said it. I still don’t even really know, I’m guessing she doesn’t have a good relationship with her parents? It doesn’t matter, I know that I fucked up.” 

“Does not have a good relationship with her parents?” Charles sounded disgusted. He looked over his shoulder as if to make sure you weren’t around and then stepped outside with Daniel, closing the door behind him.

“This is not my place but it doesn’t seem you quite understand what you said.” Charles started.

Daniel had a feeling he was about to feel a lot worse. 

“Her mother raced, that’s where she got the love of it. There was an accident. After her mother passed away, her father gave up. He didn’t take care of himself or her. Unsupportive would be saying it lightly. She went to live with her uncle, who raised her. “ Charles huffed out a breath. “That’s the very short version, she can tell you the detailed story.” 

As Daniel let Charles’ words sink in, he was sure that he’d never ever fucked up so badly before in his life. 

“And I thought the comment you made last week was bad” Charles grumbled, his words trailing off into a sigh. 

Daniel paused, trying to remember what it was he’d said. Then it clicked. 

Thanks mate, but she has a mum.

Fuck. 

Somehow, it got worse. 

He wasn’t just angry at himself or annoyed at himself like he was in the past when he thought he’d gone too far with you. 

He loathed himself. 

Taglist:

@its-astrotea-love

@thatchickwiththecamera

@stelena-klayley

@fkrause

@bekindbecoolbeyou

@theduchessinme

@sugardontbesweet

@breadsquash

@danielricciardhoes

@i-love-thetragicallybeautifuliful

@reallydeadpoet

@hotmenfastcars

@picturethosesmiles

@happyselves

@itsmycorneroftheinternet

@frenchyjuju

@alphalib22

@formulathot

@fandomwallflowers-blog

@justaddicted

@spngi

@207am

@holy-macncheese-balls

@mlhunt703

@the-lazy-leprechaun

@mk15x

@j-onathan-carnahan

@japanesekel

@take-me-around-town

@shay161192

@intotheabyss-posts

@mishaandthebrits

@taecallsmenoona

@quotessharry

@hayleyy-l

@pancakesonacow

@danielsmonzawin

@filmbysainz

@vinvantae

@c-tangerine

@springpoppies

@dr3lover

@scotlynaurora

@d0ntjudgemy50shades

@theplobnrgone

@starlightoctavia

@bigdiccricc

@cosmic-w0lf

@alexiaricciardo

@kristine-elvira

[rickmandowneyjr]

Cuts to Cope

Angst, fluff Pairing: Severus Snape and Student!Reader (platonic) Warning: talk of self-harm, mentions of character's death Word Count: 2348 A/N: This is a little piece I wrote a while ago but didn't know if I should post or not. After re-doing certain bits, I decided to upload it. Hope it's not too difficult to read. As always, the ending is a little abrupt and not too detailed, leaving it sort of up to y'all as well :) Sorry if there are any typos (I only ever get the time to write when it's quite late nowadays)

Yet another day at Hogwarts - waking up at 6:30 am, showering, getting dressed in your robes, and heading to breakfast. Wishing everyone you passed a good morning, wearing your signature smile as you did.

You were a 7th year, one of the few returning ones after last year's incident with Cedric Diggory. He'd been your best friend, or at least that's what people thought. Cedric Diggory and you had been dating for the last 7 months before his death. You didn't want anyone knowing because being star students meant eyes prying into every aspect of your relationship.

People praised you, a model student and now, prefect, who set an example. An example of how to be strong and cope no matter what life threw at you. Little did they know, you harboured a little secret. A dark, horrifying, and disturbing secret that would never let anyone look at you the same way if they ever found out.

Your first class for the day was Potions. You were a brilliant student, especially at Potions, yet Snape still had something against you. You didn't take it personally, though; he wasn't really fond of anyone. You walked into class, taking your regular seat at the front. Snape walked into class a little while later, slamming the door behind him, commanding everyone's attention.

"Turn to page 420," he drawled. You opened the book to find the recipe for Amortentia. Your heart felt a tug at the name of the love potion, never having been able to find out the answers with Cedric.

Snape's deep voice brought your focus back to class as he said, "Since it takes a week to brew, I've already completed most of the process. All you need to do is the last day's work," making the class sigh with relief. "However," he continued, "The last day of brewing is crucial and not easy. So, I expect your attention to be fully on the task at hand."

You began brewing the potion, following the steps perfectly. Snape sat down to grade papers as the class worked. He looked at you and said, "Ms. [L/N], roll up your sleeves while you work. I'd hate for there to be mishaps in my class because of one student's carelessness."

You hesitated, but then did as asked. You weren't the best at wandless magic but had made sure to perfect this spell solely for such instances. As you rolled your sleeves, you subtly waved your hand over your forearms, mumbling, "Illusiont," and casting the disillusionment charm.

You saw Snape narrow his eyes at you and panicked for a second before you saw him shake his head and return to grading. Breathing a sigh of relief, you returned to the task at hand and continued brewing.

After a while, you'd finished, and were the first one to have done so. Snape walked over to your desk and took a whiff of the potion, raising an eyebrow before giving you a single nod of approval, letting you know that it was perfect. Once everyone was done, he walked around, starting at the back, and asked everyone to announce what they smelled. You hadn't smelled your Amortentia yet and hadn't planned on doing so either, feeling quite relieved when Snape hadn't asked that question earlier.

Your heart rate quickened as you began to worry about how your body and mind would react to smelling it. You couldn't do it last year, since the Triwizard tournament had led to a bunch of classes being cancelled. As you thought about how excited you had been at the prospect of sharing the experience with Cedric, Snape's voice pulled you back to your potions class.

"Ms. [L/N]."

"Yes, sir?"

He rolled his eyes in annoyance. "What. Do. You. Smell," he spoke, irritation evident in every word.

You swallowed hard as you leaned forward to inhale the scent. Your pupils dilated, your heartbeat quickened and your knees threatened to give out at the all-too-familiar fragrance. Your throat went dry as you stopped the tears from forming.

"Well? We haven't got all day, class is to be dismissed soon." He raised an eyebrow at you, asking you to hurry up since you were the last one.

With every ounce of energy, you calmed yourself and stopped your voice from wavering. "Old books, butterscotch and... vanilla," you sighed. Your breathing was erratic and you knew you needed to get out of class and get to the abandoned girls' washroom.

As if on cue, the bell rang, dismissing the class. Snape gave you an odd look and was about to ask you what was wrong but you had already gathered your belongings and were marching out the door. He decided to follow you since he'd never seen you act like that before and was wondering what had happened to you all of a sudden.

You made your way up the stairs, hurrying before you had a breakdown in the middle of the hallway. As you reached the washroom, you started rummaging through your bag since the hallway was empty. You took the small blade that you carried around out, pushing the door to the bathroom open.

Snape's POV

I followed her out of the classroom. Though not my favourite, [Y/N] was an incredible witch and this wasn't normal behaviour for her. She'd marched out before I had even dismissed class which concerned me even more, given her usually 'perfect' behaviour. She paced through the hallways and up the stairs so fast that I could've sworn she was moving around faster than I did on a normal basis. There was an urgency in her stride and I don't know why, but it concerned me.

She finally turned into the hallway leading to the girls' washroom on the third floor, which was odd. No one used this, as far as I was aware. I was a little embarrassed, considering I'd just followed a young girl to a washroom. In an isolated area, at that. I swear I never would've imagined myself going even further and following her in, but what I'd seen had shocked and concerned me enough to do just that.

End of Snape's POV

As you entered the bathroom, you had missed Snape, whose eyes were wide with shock. He couldn't believe what he'd seen. [Y/N] [L/N], the golden girl of Hogwarts, had just walked into an abandoned washroom after pulling out a blade from her bag. Not wanting to jump to any conclusions, he rushed in, wanting to confirm what his eyes had just seen.

As you were about to enter a stall, the door to the bathroom, swung open, making you jump. You hid the blade by making a fist, unintentionally cutting into your palm. You winced at the unexpected pain but didn't let it show.

You turned to face Professor Snape, and he was eyeing your hand. 'There's no way he saw it, is there?' you thought.

"Ms. [L/N], care to show me your hands?"

You panicked. He knew. You tried to divert his attention. "Sir, this is the girls' washroom."

"I'm aware," he stated. "Now... Hands," he said as he glared at you, letting you know that he wouldn't fall for any attempts to change the subject.

You sighed and opened your hands, and saw his gaze soften. He walked to you taking your hand in his as he gently pulled the razor out. You winced as it came out, knowing this would impair you for the rest of your classes.

"What were you thinking?!" He scolded, startling you. He reached for your arm, rolling up your sleeves once again and muttered, "Finite."

The scars on your arms started showing up and you couldn't do anything but look away, your eyes resting anywhere but his gaze.

"So that was the Disillusionment Charm I heard you use, earlier."

You stayed silent, still refusing to meet his eyes. Of all the professors, it had to be him. Sure, he wasn't fond of you, but you had immense respect for the man, and to let him see you in this light... it took every bit of you to not lose your composure.

"Look at me," he said.

You turned to face him. His usually cold eyes showed too much concern and the uncharacteristic response from the potions master was proving to be a lot to handle. Tears stung your eyes as he stared at you.

"Why?" He asked, his voice so genuine that you couldn't help but let your emotions spill, creating a mess that you couldn't be bothered to care about anymore.

"I can't do this anymore," you sniffled. "I don't want to. He was everything to me and it just hurts so much."

"Who?"

"Cedric."

"Ah, yes. I'm aware you and Mr. Diggory were best friends. I'm sorry, [Y/N]."

"No," you said, finally being able to talk to someone about it. "He was my boyfriend. And... I never got to tell him I loved him... because I wasn't sure. Today just made it worse when I smelled him in my Amortentia. It confirmed that I did and I never got to say it." You were sobbing now, not caring what you looked like, what a mess you probably were, or what Snape was thinking of you and your confession.

You felt him awkwardly wrap his arms around you as he pulled your head to his chest. Your cries got louder and your wails of agony echoed in the empty washroom as your hands clutched the fabric of his robes. The feeling of someone comforting you was overwhelming. You'd always had to keep up this image of a perfect student, reliable friend, someone who could never have such horrifying tendencies.

Even then, as you cried out loud, your instinct made you bury your face in his chest, muffling the 'ugly' sobs. Snape's heart broke as your thoughts flooded his mind. As you struggled to breathe, he turned your head slightly, making you audible again. He didn't hush you; just stroked your hair as your tears soaked his robes.

It took a while, but you finally calmed down, your sobs reducing to soft whimpers before they died out entirely. Your throat was sore, and lips, chapped from all the crying. Your eyes were red and puffy, and the reality of the situation finally came crashing down on you.

Your secret was out. More than one, at that. One of the professors knew, and the strictest one too. You had just spent Merlin knows how long crying into his chest, which was now soaked with your tears.

"I'm sorry," you mumbled, your voice, hoarse. "Your robes are all wet now," you said, trying to move away.

"That's the least of my worries right now," he said, keeping your head in place as he continued, "I understand what you're going through. Better than you'd know." It sounded like it was painful for him to talk about it, the tone of his voice giving the vulnerability away. "But this is not the way to deal with it," he said as rubbed your back.

"Does it go away?"

"I'll be honest," he sighed. "It does get lesser with time if you allow yourself to heal. However, it never goes away entirely. A part of you will always love and miss him. I'm sorry," he said.

"No, I'm glad. I don't want to forget him. Or my love for him. Cedric Diggory was and will always be - my first love."

You finally pulled away from his chest and looked him in the eyes as he gave you a gentle smile. You managed to muster a somber one and sighed.

"Do any of your friends know?"

"Merlin, no!"

"Why not? They're your friends. They could-"

"I can't have this getting out. Everyone will-"

"Who cares what people think?" He raised his voice. It was silent for a while before he sighed and spoke again.

"[Y/N], I want you to promise me something."

You knew what was coming. You gulped and nodded softly.

"I want you to promise me that you'll stop this. Cedric wouldn't want this for you."

"I know, and I've tried before. It's not that simple-"

"I know," he said, cutting you off. "Which is why, the next time you get the urge to do this, you'll come to me. No matter what the situation might be."

You were surprised at his words. It was incredibly nice of him to offer this to you, and you nodded, accepting his generosity.

"Also," he continued, "Please stop going to such great lengths to please others and worrying about what others think. It's not healthy."

"But-"

"But nothing. Your health is suffering and you can't even bring yourself to tell anyone because you're so busy keeping up this little charade of 'everything is fine'."

You stayed silent. There was truth in his words and you couldn't refute his accusations. You just looked up at him, once again, finding the uncharacteristic concerned look meeting your gaze. Nodding softly, you agreed. How could you not when someone had shown you such consideration and compassion?

A small smile graced his usually stoic face as he helped you up, and you both made your way out of the bathroom. He escorted you back to your dormitories, ensuring you were alright before the two of you parted ways.

The rest of the school year passed and Snape stayed true to his word, and you to yours. Every time you felt the urge to hurt yourself to relieve the pain, you'd find Snape. He was patient and helped you every step of the way. Slowly, but surely, you were able to overcome your urges and also found yourself living for yourself, rather than up to others' expectations.

By the time you graduated, you had overcome the habit and thanked Snape in your graduation speech, never giving away the details as to why. A lot of people had assumed there was something between the two of you, especially since you went to meet him all through the school year, but you didn't let it bother you, because... Who cares what people think, right?

-

P.S. - Sorry I've been a little slow with the writing. My college assignments have started rolling in and I'm currently swamped. Also, I'm working on a little something (announcing it in 2-3 days so make sure to check in lol). Rest assured, I'm slowly and steadily making my way through requests. Thank you for understanding <3

[bonnymori]

𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐲

Word count: 2760+ (i'll try to keep bigger lengths such as this one!)

Synopsis: You meet a new classmate who's working along Nanami, you think he's fun to be around, it stands the same to him about you. Later, feelings unravel.

Contents/Warnings: (1) Itadori Yuuji x gn!reader (2) FLUFF, TONS OF FLUFF - and some comfort (3) With the small participation of... Ino Takuma!! I really like him too, that's why <33333 (4) This is pretty platonic, but also not? (5) Ending turned sorta cliché... but I liked it u.u

A/N: This boy made me run rampant... to fhe point it's not single attraction anymore I just wish him happiness (smh if only my parents knew...) also next post will be Toji's fic pt. 2! Y'all see the first part is almost reaching 100 kudos????? I'M SO HAPPY EHSODJWKDKSJD- thanks for all the new followers and the support!! <33

Ever since his fake death, Itadori has been training alone with the help of Gojo - and now, he works along a freshly new face, who belongs to a senior, founds out ex-salaryman named Nanami Kento. He's far a thousand times more strict than Gojo. Itadori doesn't really likes the change, because Nanami is a person he can't get along. This whole guy's appearance scream "work 4 life"; he has proved different, now he screams "work is shit - but I gotta do it because others won't".

They've just finished cleansing the outside of a movie theater off a few curses, when Itadori hears shouting from far behind them. Two figures approach, waving excessively. He quickly picks on Nanami's tired sigh beside him.

"Nanami! We figured out you'd be here! Our mission has been finished and we wanted to catch up to have lunch together!" A male clad in a full black outfit shouts, he has brown hair and a beanie on top of his head, looking quite content.

The other person simply trots next to him in silence, approaching with a friendly smile. They notice Itadori faster than the male, smile widening and quickly waving hello, suddenly eager to reach up to them. The gesture makes the pink haired boy perk up, curious to why the other person looked so joyful. His question is easily answered, when they tug on the man's sleeve and motion to him.

"Ino, we have a third buddy!" The dude looks at him with widened eyes. "So nice to meet you, I'm Y/N L/N! It's great to see new faces around!"

Itadori smiles at your energy, knowing already he would click with you very well.

"I'm Ino Takuma, sorry for not noticing you before! Your uniform looks cool." Itadori exchanges a few compliments with Ino, before the man turns to talk with Nanami, leaving him and you together.

"Yes! I'm Sukuna's vessel, Itadori Yuuji-desu! My type of woman is Jenn-"

You turn to him. "So, are you a first year?"

"Geh? Weren't you dead though?!"

"I was!- I am!- Please keep secret."

"Okay!"

"Ahem." Nanami coughs, drawing attention. "I requested you two to not come after me today. Itadori here is the reason why."

"That's no problem, we're very capable of keeping secrets." You threw your arm over Itadori's shoulder, him nodding along with you.

"Oh really, then remember to keep quiet about it. I'll let this slide." The group of students nervously at Nanami's intimidating tone. "But, I'll get to have my break alone."

"Gah!" Ino exclaimed, watching Nanami walk away; he also left the responsability of taking care of Itadori for you two, leaving without a word. "It really had to be today, when Nanami would take us to his favorite bakery..."

"Crybaby." You teased. "Itadori here can't go outside where anyone can see him, he's dead. So, we were to order food either way because he shouldn't be left out."

"Augh okay, it would be unfair."

"So, where are you staying Itadori?"

"At Gojo's state!"

"Whoa, I've never been there before." Ino commented, waiting as you sent a message to Ijichi to pick them up.

"He's my teacher, a very cool one!"

"I imagine! Ooookay, once we get there I'll get the food."

Itadori felt as his chest would burst of excitement, finally there was people around him again, he couldn't be less happy about it.

"Sharing is caring!"

Itadori laughed as you wrestled with Takuma for some fries, netflix long forgotten in the background, as watching the banter was way more entertaining. Most of the time, Ino rambled a lot about Nanami, while he rambled a lot about Gojo. The guy even showed him the cool scar under his beanie. He felt kinda upset after explaining the exchange was just temporary, his stay under Nanami's wing wasn't decisive, and therefore, he was more like a classmate than a partner.

Itadori also learned a lot about you. He was surprised to find out that you, although energetic, was the one to speak the lesser in conversations. His surprisement grew even bigger when you told him you're a exchange student from Kyoto, arriving Tokyo about the same month as him - thankfully, you were to say for good.

Conversations flowed easily in the air, until a voice from the doorway barged in.

"Yuuji-kun! Don't forget about your lessons! Hi kids! Bye kids!" Gojo said playfully, throwing the familiar punching bear to Itadori before leaving.

"What's this thing?" Ino asked.

"It's to help me control my cursed energy. So while I watch the movies, if I don't charge it with cursed energy it punches me square in the face. I thought I had mastered this thing already, but he insist I keep training with it." Itadori grumbles.

"At least it's cute." You commented, taking a sip of your drink.

"Until it punches you in your face without warning!" The pink haired boy barks.

The talks died down, the three of you eating quietly when another movie is played on the screen. Itadori didn't bother reading the title, it was a plain one about a zombie apocalypse that got him extremely bored, yet he kept watching still so the plushie didn't punch him in the face again; he's been keeping a record since all his last cursed energy training lessons were a sucess to this day. When his head started nodding and eyelids dropping Itadori can't remember well, about fourty five minutes of movie perhaps? Make it fifty, the second slumber took over his body completely.

When he awoke once again, it was near midnight, the clock on the wall told him so. He also noticed a soft and warm surface supporting his head, figures, it's your shoulder he's resting into, he feels an arm around his own shoulders and your cheek placed upon his hair.

"Hey, it's late." You immediately notices he's awake, calling out softly. "You should sleep on your room, or something, better to your spine."

He chuckles when you poke his side. "But I'm comfortable here."

"I'm surprised, you just met me today, and now is sleeping on my shoulder."

"I'm not, that happens often to me."

"Sleeping on people's shoulders?"

"No! Making friends quickly." Itadori likes your gentle warmth, your hug, everything makes him feel at home. "I met two more people before you for two weeks, but they can't see me, because I'm dead."

"So I'll keep you company, that's my new mission."

His eyes widen at that, a oh so little blush covering the tip of his ears.

"For how many time I slept anyway?" He asks.

"About two- no, three hours. You missed two movies, and this one is about to end."

"And you stayed here the whole time?" He motions to your shoulder.

"Yep. That reminds me I gotta pee."

Itadori grumbles, but quickly lifts himself off you, respecting your needs. That gives him some time to look around, he notices Ino is gone, and the plushie sits quietly at the other side of the couch, unmoving.

"Y/N! How did you manage to make it quiet down?" He's beyond bafflet.

"...que."

"What!"

"I said!" You arrive quickly at the doorframe, hands still wet from when you washed them. "I used my innate technique."

"Oh! How is it like?"

"It's kinda funny, gimme a moment." You left to wipe off your hands, coming back in a second. "So, just like Shoko, I produce reverse curse energy, but it's quite different than hers, I can't heal people. That's why we often call it positive energy instead. I can use it to soothe off negative energy, so the bear has no cursed energy right now."

"How does it works on people?" He felt very curious about everything, asking away like a kid.

"Since everyone has negative energy, it just makes you sleepy really. But when it comes to curses it's really practical, I can either weaken it or, if the curse is like grade three or four, I can slap them off existence completely by wiping all their energy." You were naturally proud of having a such versatile power, your own energy swirling with pride around you.

"That sounds amazing! Is it why I fell asleep though?"

"Nah, only if I did it on purpose. I guess you were just tired, hope you don't mind I decided to let you rest today."

"No way, it was a good nap."

You nodded. "By the way, Ino left to attend to a drinking party, he paid for our food."

"Drinking? Is he old?"

"Yeah, he's twenty." You chuckled, already expecting that kind of reaction.

"No way! He looks young just like us!"

"That's totally my reaction after I learned he's twenty!"

After that day, you started visiting Itadori weekly to daily, after exchanging numbers he made a little group with you and Ino, naming it the "Nanami trio". But really, he exchanges more texts with you in private, be them memes, cool images he wish to share, etcetera. Although, Ino wasn't left excluded, he ofter brough his xbox to connect to Itadori's tv room and you all would spend hours playing together; he just didn't spend much time with both of you as much. And that was okay.

For a few days, your connection with Itadori died down when he didn't reply to your texts. They would remain unread for some time, the longest being half a day, until he would spam apologies then move on with the topic. That became a routine until one day when you came over to check on Itadori unnanounced, needin to ease off your worries about the boy, only to find him sobbing in the middle of a hallway, staring ahead and beyond, his back to you.

"Ita-?"

"Egh!" Startled, he scrambled to wipe his eyes, turning to you. "H-hey, um, hi."

"What happened?"

"I- he-" His eyes didn't met yours, knuckles white in a death grip. You notice he has a few bandages thrown over his face and arms. The way his shoulders are drawn, as if he wants to shrink into himself is something you've experienced before.

"Something hard to talk about?"

He nods almost immediately, head still facing down.

"It's alright, come with me." You reach for his hands, grimacing slightly when his forceful grip is now on your hand, yet you don't comment on it. He follows you through the state wordlessly.

You two stop on the same tv room, sitting down on the couch. You then guide his head to your shoulder, gently massaging his scalp with the free hand.

"It's alright."

Those two words are chanted like a prayer for the next half hour, at some point, Itadori twisted his body towards yours and unknowingly caged you between him and the sofa arm. He embraced you with a force you didn't have in you, like he didn't want to lose one another. Painful or not, not a muscle moved on your body. He needed a shoulder to cry on.

Thirty minutes passed like seconds, you peered down only to find the boy confortably napping against your bosom; at some point you just became the cold side of the pillow to him. That's alright. It brings you joy to be the mom friend anyways. So you decided to join the sleepland aswell, arms still secured around his shoulders and the back of his head.

It feels like the nap hasn't been long, though, because you can feel Itadori's grip loosening and therefore, you're awake.

"Sorry if I broke any bones, in advance."

"Wow, and you only warn me now."

He laughs at your comeback, hands still secured around your waist.

"I'm surprised you let me uh, cuddle you for comfort - and sleep. I don't understand it? You just make me sleepy." He rambled, keeping eye contact with you while his head still rests on your chest.

"That's a piece of cake when you have younger siblings who seek for you every night they get a nightmare."

"Does that mean I can come to you again if I have a nightmare?" There it is, his togepi-kirby cutesy face.

"Are you four?"

"That's mean!" Itadori blushed, squeezing you on his arms. "I like the contact. It puts me at ease."

"Mm, do you want to talk about it?"

He gulped. "No, not really."

Your peach haired friend remained silent, and so did you. It seems he doesn't intend in letting you go soon, or he just really forgot to mention it. It gives them time to think, your younger sisted used to do that sometimes, back in Kyoto.

"Y/N, wanna watch anything?"

"Sure, have you watched Parasyte before?"

"No, let's give it a try then!" Itadori glances at the remote, then back at you - making you confused over his hesitation to move. He notices you noticed it, chuckling nervously. "To be honest, I don't wanna let go."

"It's hurting my back."

"SORRY I'M SORRY!" He jumped away from you like a cat would jolt away from a cucumber, making you snicker.

"It's okay, I just wanted to change positions."

And to tease you, but he didn't need to know that part.

He glared at you with a small pout, typing the initials of Parasyte on the search bar. Outside his line of vision, you were grinning like a idiot, his sweeteness took a tow on you. All the people of Tokyo you met really held a way different spirit from your classmates in Kyoto, Itadori being the nicest of all. It's surprising him being Sukuna's vessel to begin with; being honest, you felt drawn by it.

"Y/N, it's startiiiiing." He cut your daydreaming short, slumping on your side and propping his head on your shoulder.

"This again?" You throw an arm around his shoulders, very much like the first time he cuddled himself on you.

"Don't blame me, you're the one who wanted to change positions. Guess I'll just make some alterations since I'm awake this time!" One of his arms went behind your back and circled your waist, hand resting at your hip.

"It's definely different, since the other time you drooled on me."

"Hhgh, okay okay! Let me enjoy this." For perhaps the actual first time, you're able to watch without exchanging words with one another.

And this time, it's you who's head loll to the side, nose buried on his soft rose perfumed hair. Itadori doesn't comment on it yet, his free hand moves under your legs to lift your whole body up efortlessly when he senses you have fallen asleep.

"I remember you said it's bad for my spine, I wouldn't mind it... yours however."

The boy makes a beeline to the guest room, he sighs when there is no choice but open the door with his foot. Inside, he places you carefully in the soft bed.

Before he could leave, a hand reaches up for his sleeve.

"Itadori," He turned, looking at you. "Make me company?"

He giggles softly - you think it sounds like a highschool girl. "You should start calling me by my first name!" Itadori rambles as he climbs on the bed, arms wrapping around your waist in a motion you're familiar with.

"Yuuji, I'm tired, let me sleep."

"But I wanna talk more..." He pouts. "Also, are we, um, dating?"

You wriggle around, bringing his head down to peck on his forehead, teasing. "Correction, I want to date you."

"Uh, oh." A blush coats his face so quickly, you'd say someone dumped a bucket of red paint on his face.

"Is that a no?"

"No!"

"So it is a no."

"Christ, will you stop teasing for a second, I'm trying to talk here." He makes an angry version of his togepi-kirby face, you can't help but grin.

"You amuse me, but okay. I'll do it for you."

"Thanks." He blinks, the blush slowly fading away. "You know, I lied, not about the contact, I like the contact nonetheless-"

His hand moves to play with yours, such as tapping his tips against yours, or meassuring the palms.

"-it's you who brings me comfort."

It's also your turn to blush, that line was seriously charming.

"Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Yes, we're dating now." You respond, a little eagerly. "Can I kiss you?"

"Please."

This is the best person I could ask for, Itadori thinks, keeping his eyes open as yours shut during the kiss, whom I won't change for anything else in this world.

When you both separate, Itadori feels drowsy and sleepy. His face fits perfectly on your shoulder as always.

"Goodnight, my favorite person."

[grimoireofwritings]

Hi! Could i get a nsfw scenario where William masturbates for one night thinking about his fem s/o?

.......

So here's me, casually appearing randomly from the void to finally post this months later 0_0

I'm so sorry y'all, mental health has been in the gutter lately and suffering from major heart and brain damage at age 21 is just not a fun gig. Nonetheless, I hope this was worth the wait, you thirsty hoes >.<

Warnings: smut, light femdom ( I headcanon William with a lean towards sub )

Scenario: William's female s/o walks in on him jerking off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Guilt.

It was all William could really feel in that moment. Well, aside from a general, looming sensation that had been plaguing the poor gentleman for a while now. It made his stomach all fluttery and nauseous with two completely contradicting urges... Which didn't result in a good state to rest in, as he lay propped up on his simple bedroom mattress. It had even prevented him from getting proper sleep lately. One such part of the equation was his complete and utter shame, which replayed punishing thoughts in his mind on repeat... Mentally battling with himself on how wrong it was to think such filthy things about a woman so pure and angelic. A body like that, he could easily imagine it sculpted from marble like the most honored and beautiful of Goddesses in ancient times. Every curve, and the warmth of that soft skin that he could dream of... How could he ever imagine desecrating it? Dirtying it, and perhaps staining it with his intent?

Apparently he could, and he did... Quite frequently. Such horrendously ungentlemanly thoughts popping into his mind had him mortified with himself.

For this reason, he kept his uncontrollably growing desires a secret from his partner. It seemed to him that she was comfortable with their current level of intimacy in their relationship, therefore.. he would remain quiet and allow her to call the shots. It had always been this way, with him considering himself lucky to have her in his life at all, what with a face like his... As well as his history. So he kept quiet, allowing her to make all the first moves so as to not make her uncomfortable. Despite the longing and craving he had for her, and the shame it brought him, he would suppress every last desire, and would never utter a word or clue about it.

It was getting harder however, every passing day. More and more challenging not to notice the lump in his throat when he had to refrain from staring at certain parts of her in particular outfits, and keep his hands from wandering over the perfectly smooth plains of her thighs, or even passionately gripping on to those breasts that took his breath away.

He gave a slight audible whine, there in his bed, tortured by these thoughts popping up once again.. because once they started, they couldn't stop. This time around for some reason it was particularly agonizing to ignore the growing need in his pajama pants, which was legitimately painful to disregard at this point. He'd end up sweating, palms gripping on to the sheets, as he refused to touch himself to the thought of her. Absolutely not... Never.. he could never be so degrading and perverted towards someone who deserved only the highest respect.

Even as he told himself this for the millionth time, the words had been losing their influence that week, and it was at that moment that he caved, giving a strangled whimper of regret whilst his right hand crept under his waistband. From that point on his vision went blurred and brimmed with red, framing pictures in his mind that could only consist of her.

And goodness was that woman breathtaking. He somehow felt starved for a touch he'd never quite experienced before with her... A deep craving as he could practically feel those lips of hers, divine and smooth like rose petals, grazing over his sensitive neck. Would she perhaps moan his name out softly into his ear, as his hands wrapped around her rear to slip a finger between her wetted and ready slit? Yes... Not only could William picture it, but he could almost feel it, too.

Hands, on her velvet skin, squeezing and caressing here and there.. her labored breaths brushing past his cheeks. By this point William had thoughtlessly worked up the courage to start stroking himself, his movements terrified and shaky, slow but gradual. The tortured man could not help himself.. he really couldn't. Despite the fact that he felt like an atrocious person, that previously sick feeling in his stomach was being replaced by mind splitting pleasure.

Warmth.. so much warmth he was feeling down there, in fact it was warm enough now that it was exactly what he imagined her hot, inviting mouth would feel like. This time he let out a soft but much more discernable moan, a couple of lost syllables and stutters rolling off of his lips as he imagined her tongue massaging in place of where his fingers currently were. He vaguely had a couple of thoughts warning him he should stop soon... She'd be back in their shared room any moment now, after finishing up her nightly chores around the headquarters. But he was way too far gone, and foggy in the brain, to give a damn and have the self control to even do so.

Not to mention, the slightest surfacing of precum wasn't helping, given that it added a slight lubricant to the situation and really solidified the illusion in his mind he'd created for himself. His greatest fantasy would be to have her ride him, perhaps..

Absolutely. Just her, in all of her glory, above him and in her rightful place where he could worship and adore from below. The image alone of her hair framing an expression of ecstacy like a curtain, eyes hazy with pleasure all because of him, whilst he allowed his hands to boundlessly wander over every surface of her divinity.. maybe his lips would latch on to her skin and travel down to a breast, all the while drowning in her sounds.. it was enough to drive him mad in the most beautiful way possible.

By that point, poor William Vangeance was too far gone to even notice the barely audible creaking of the door whilst his girlfriend stepped inside their now shared room. A slur of pathetic, whiney mumblings and moans were leaking out into the air for her to hear in utter shock, as well as her name whispered breathlessly to confirm that he was, in fact, masturbating while thinking of her.

"William? What are you doing?"

It was about as sudden as flipping off a light switch. Light to dark in an instant.. except this time it was his voice and his movements. In the dim room, the only light source being a small candle which cast an orange glow on his face, she could make out a look of complete panic, his entire frame completely paralyzed in his position. Had he gone catatonic?

While she had found the display amusing, she was now distracted, more worried about him than anything else. "Love? Are you alright? This isn't very expected of you.." she trailed off, but before she could finish, William snapped out of his trance, causing her to gasp and glance up at the unexpected tone of his voice.

The poor man could hardly form any coherent words in his next jumbled sentences, sometimes the only noticable parts being things like "I'm so sorry for-" and "I will get my things and go out to the front room couch for the night-" to which his partner was dumbfounded by his amount of panic. In fact, William looked to be on the verge of tears, utterly destraught, much to his partner's worry and dismay. However.. she figured she could easily fix this.

Sauntering over to him, she sat beside him on the bed, placing a finger to his lips in an instant to hush him. Leaning forward to speak directly to him, she could tell he thought he was in for a scolding, but what came next had his jaw practically hanging from its hinges in a gape.

"Touching yourself without me here to take care of your needs? You've got some nerve doing my job for me, Captain William Vangeance. I was surprised you hadn't asked me sooner for favors quite like the ones you were probably just imagining.. but now that I know you've been naughty and doing this in your own time, don't expect any mercy from me tonight. I'll prove to you why I'm far more efficient than your right hand. And I'd better not see this again."

She gave a cheeky smirk, completely digging that expression he was wearing. He 100% never would have guessed such lewd words could ever come out of her, and honestly, it already had his entire body lighting up with heat. That confidence from her.. the domineering and sexy edge to her lips, curled into a dark sneer.. it was all blindingly amplified the moment she straddled over him, looming over his body to speak in a low tone towards his ear. "Are you prepared for me to devour you?" She asked.

This was really doing it for him, and he caved, his pent up desire mixing with his excitement and impatience of the moment... Unable to handle the anticipation. As a result, he resumed, feeling already quite close to an orgasm as he frantically jacked himself off with her weight and presence above him. He just... Couldn't wait anymore. And she was too dazzling, too seductive, much too hypnotizing with those devilish words.

"You have the audacity to continue right after what I just said? Bold move, Captain. Either I underestimated you or you're fucking desperate for me. Which one is it? Care to share with me? If you do, perhaps I will let you off the hook... A bit."

"Y-y/n... P-please! L-let me-"

His begs and pleas were interrupted by a deafening, breathless, gasping cry as he came on the spot, a few whimpers following in a perfect sequence as the white hot pleasure seized violent hold of his body, almost aggressive in nature after having been repressed for so long. Panting, he watched his partner witness his helpless and needy state, almost amplifying the experience to a degree.

She was dead quiet, watching with sharp eyes and an intensity in her stare as he slowly came down from the high, body naturally going limp with exhaustion and his breathing evening out. He chuckled sheepishly then, eyeing her with a noticable hint of anticipation and excitement in his gaze, slightly curious if she'd follow through with her previous promise. "B-better to ask forgiveness than p-permission, right?" He tried meekly, biting his lip at that irresistible smirk returning to her face.

"Incorrect" she stated, which set his nerves aflame yet again.

"See... You're the one who wanted me so bad, aren't you? I honestly had no idea... Especially with how shy you are, I was waiting, but it seems you've made me wait longer than necessary. Not to mention, after directly disobeying me, you owe me a couple rounds. Understood? You'll bear with it like a good boy... And I'll be sure you enjoy it too."

There.. that softer look in her eyes at that last statement, despite how perfectly and wonderfully dominant she was - it made his heart melt. William found it very comforting that he didn't have to take charge right away and that she was naturally the one in charge in such an environment - he spent so much time worrying, being afraid, stressing, overthinking, and telling people what to do... That giving up control to someone he trusted was just a complete relief.

"Yes ma'am," he stated, having gained back some composure. "I'll do my best to endure whatever my goddess intends to give me.. please allow me to touch and praise you."

"Good boy," she cooed, encouraging his words of loyalty, as she slowly lowered herself to gently and sensually take him into her mouth to start off. Almost immediately, a tortured cry of overstimulation escaped him, but at the same time it felt completely euphoric.

It occured to William that one of the best nights of his life was about to take place, so he closed his eyes, and placed a hand down on the head bobbing over him.

~end~

[aswallowssong]

Second Child, Restless Child

Chapter 9 - The Devil Whispered Lies

@valkyrie-5583

Read on AO3

If I told y'all I got engaged and that's why this chapter is literally a billion years late, would that make it better??

Jokes aside (not really a joke, I did get engaged, I just hid it in the notes a few weeks ago) spring break is one week away for this teacher, and my goal is to write a whole bunch so I can not have to post chapters like... 2 months apart.

Let me know what you think of this one!! Have a lovely day!!

Continuation of chapter 8 - Heaven Knows How Hard I Tried. The Keystone Killer has given Kit a lot to think about; including some things she wasn't quite counting on.

Kit wasn’t quite listening when they walked back into the precinct. Her conversation with JJ earlier in the day had helped. If JJ had met pushback, but now she was allowed to be a full part of the BAU team, she should stand up for herself. The director himself saw all of her reports, she could tell Ramos she disagreed with him. Especially if, for the time being, her work was good enough for the literal director of the whole FBI.

But her talk with Hotch outside of Harbin’s house hadn’t done her a lot of good. Her mind was still reeling from the events of the last hour, she still hadn’t slept since Friday night, and it was actively Sunday. 

What brought her back to reality was Morgan’s voice, deep and steady at the front of their group. It caught her up to the present so quickly she almost stopped short, which would have sent Hotch right into her.

“Well, that's got to be a first. A killer actually leading us to another killer.”

“Come on,” Gideon said from further back, “we all know they make the best profilers. They admire each other's work.”

“Ya, but usually from afar,” Elle said as they spilled into the conference room.

Kit didn’t even let herself imagine sitting down. There was no way she would be able to stay awake when she had nothing of value to add. At this point, she was waiting to get back on the jet and back to her apartment. The image of Claudia was twisting in her mind, and she couldn’t help the desperate need she had to see Monty face to face.

Hotch didn’t let her stay in her head for very long. “At least we got Harbin off the street. All right, let's review. What do we know about the Keystone Killer?”

He’s killing women at an alarming rate.

“Well, we know that he's not dead or in jail,” Elle offered.

Gideon continued. “Enjoys taunting the game.”

“Ya,” Morgan agreed easily. “He's in complete control.”

Reid was quick to add on, statistics rattling from him easier than Kit was even keeping her eyes open. “He strangled seven women in the 1980's, stopped for eighteen years, and then began again suffocating them. Ten percent of all violent crimes are caused by strangulation, it only takes eleven pounds of pressure to fully incapacitate your victim and if you hang on for at least fifty seconds, they will never recover.”

“Yeah,” Kit said, stopping short once she’d realized the words had come from her mouth, not someone else’s. Everyone’s eyes were on her, and she took a moment before she voiced the fact her brain had produced for her, however reluctantly. “It’s one of the most lethal forms of violence. Victims can be unconscious in a matter of ten seconds.”

Hotch shook his head, confusion pushing from his before he said, “When you suffocate someone you actually have less control over their death. It's actually more passive because the killer doesn't feel the life leaving the body.”

“He's changed almost everything that he does,” Elle said. She was lost, mild annoyance and confusions coming off her in waves. Elle had joined the team just as JJ did, and Kit wondered if she ever felt as completely baffled as she herself felt.

In that moment, it felt like the answer could be yes, and that was comforting.

Gideon took over then, speaking to them as a whole in a series of questions. “Why why why why? What? I mean, what's he getting out of this new M. O.? Where's his payoff? You got Carla Bromwell, she sustains a significant head injury. Blitz attacks suggest disorganization, no self-confidence. This is a guy who walks into seven victims' homes prior to this. There was no forced entry at any of the scenes. Where's the loss of confidence?”

There was a beat of silence, and she really hoped anyone had any idea. It was moments like these that made Kit feel the most out of her element. She had no idea why the Keystone Killer would want to kill anyone anyway, how could she know why he would change his methods?

“He would never change the way he kills by choice,” Ryan said, breaking the silence.

“What?” 

Ryan spoke again, confident in a way the rest of the team lacked. “We've been operating under the assumption that he purposely changed his M. O.”

It was like something physically snapped into place. Kit looked around as everyone was suddenly much more engaged. 

“You're saying he changed because he had to change?” Gideon asked.

“He knocked her unconscious. And it wasn't to scare.”

Elle seemed to be catching on, and Kit wished selfishly she wasn’t. “Because he couldn't control her physically while she was awake.”

Ryan nodded. “He could be incapacitated.”

Gideon latched back on. “At least partially.”

“Maybe an injury.” 

“Or a stroke,” Hotch added, and Gideon started nodding. “Either way you're gonna have to have medical records. Agreed?”

It took her more than a few seconds to notice that no one had said anything else, and she looked over at Gideon, who was looking directly at her.

Why is he looking at me? He never looks at me? We have a spoken rule to not look at one another during cases so why is he looking right at me?

“Colghain?” he said, and she shook her head. He most certainly was looking at her for an answer, and everyone else had gone quiet so she could answer.

“Yeah.” She said, and she saw Ryan raise an eyebrow in annoyance before she stumbled over herself to continue her answer. “Yeah, yes, sorry. Yes. There would be injury reports, charts, notes, scripts. It’s a lot of records, depending on who your doctor is and what hospital you’re at.”

There was another pause before they were all nodding, taking in what she’d said and running with it.

Morgan was first to speak. “Okay, so what are we talking about? This had to have happened after the middle of 1988 in Philadelphia?”

Gideon nodded, first at Kit, and then to Morgan. “Somebody who fits the rest of the profile.”

“It's a lot of hospital records,” Reid said, also looking towards Kit, who nodded her affirmation. “There’s hoards of people going into ERs every day for exactly those sorts of things. It’ll be a huge pool.”

He smiled at her, and she found herself taken a bit aback, but returned his grin with a shy one of her own.

“Call our girl Friday,” Gideon said, directed to Morgan, and as the flurry of movement and new hope danced through the room, she found herself feeling much less tired than she did before.

She’d been helpful. Gideon had known she was an expert about something and asked for her agreement and input before simply inserting a thought. 

Her feelings were incredibly jumbled as she stood there, waiting for directions. Gideon’s affirmation made her feel better than she thought it would, considering they didn’t usually talk if not to argue. JJ’s conversation still lingered in the back of her mind, and she wanted to talk to Ramos. If JJ could stand up to the coms department and get what she wanted, why couldn’t she stand up to Ramos?

But Claudia filled the leftover space in her consciousness, and she didn’t know if she could fight for more time with the BAU, or to try to be more fully integrated, or whatever it was that she actually wanted if the cases were going to stay with her.

To scare her. To make her feel like she needed to know that her sisters were alright, even though there was no way to do that while knees deep in a case. 

What do you even want, Kody? What do you want?

She didn’t have an answer for herself.

-----

Kit stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom of the precinct and splashed another cupful of water onto her face, holding her cheeks in her hands a moment before looking up at her reflection. 

You look exhausted.

Monty’s voice, as always, chided her. Sometimes she wished the voice of her overinvolved consciousness was her brother Al instead. Alaska couldn’t be bothered over things like that. His biggest qualm in life was the fact that his name was Alaska, and it had been quickly remedied by Ari telling him he could just go by Alex at school. 

You’ve got bigger problems than that. You’re having a moment in a police precinct in Philly while the rest of your team waits on a comprehensive file to be faxed. 

A feeling of dread shot through her chest at the realization that Monty didn’t even know she was gone. She’d been so tired and so incredibly thrown by Garcia’s text, and then Hotch’s insistence that she was on the jet that she hadn’t thought to walk down and tell Ari she was leaving. He’d been on the clinic floor; out of sight, out of mind. Then she was on the jet, and then at the crime scene. 

She hadn’t even sent a text. 

Hell, she hadn’t even really slept since then. Her time in the jet and her few minutes in the car were nowhere near what she needed, and with all the feelings and thoughts she had flying around her head, she was surprised she hadn’t crashed. She was definitely feeling “Big Feelings,” and she didn’t have time for it.

Ari and Monty always helped the big feelings. They had to be wondering where she was. Why hadn’t they called her? Or texted? They had to be worried. Girls didn’t just go missing in the middle of the day.

But they do. And worse, they’re murdered too. Right out of nowhere for no reason at all. People are sick, Kody. They kill for pleasure. They kidnap for pleasure. They’ll take anyone at any time. 

She had her phone out and dialed in record time.

“Penelope’s hotline for all things truth. Speak and know.”

“Garcia.” She swiped at her eyes. When had she started crying? “I need a favor.”

“Oh, Kit, hey.” Her voice was as sunny as always. “I’ve got that file almost through, the medical was-”

“It’s not about the case.”

There was silence on the other line for a moment. “Oh?”

“If I gave you the first and last name, could you trace a cell phone?”

“A cell phone? As long as it’s registered to the same name, yeah, I can. Why?”

“Virginia.” She said. “Virginia Colghain.”

She didn’t know why she picked Ginny. Something inside her said that Seese, George, and Lina would be at home with their mam. Ginny lived in the city, and Kit couldn’t call her. 

Ginny didn’t know she was in the field. Ginny didn’t even know she’d been paired with the BAU.

“Where should it be? Just so I know what I’m looking for.”

“Probably the US Attorney's office.”

“Which branch?”

“The one in the district. On fourth street.”

Garcia hummed as she typed, the clicking of her keystrokes halting as she said, “Wait. Wait, Colghain?”

Kit bit her lip. She was sort of hoping Garcia wouldn’t notice. 

Which is stupid, because of course she’d notice.

“Yes.”

“Virginia Colghain?”

“Yes, Garcia, can you track it or not?” Kit glanced at herself in the mirror, letting her reflection ground her. She tugged at one braid, and then the other with her free hand before wiping at her eyes again.

The clicking started again before Garcia said, “Virginia Colghain’s phone is, in fact, inside the US Attorney’s office on fourth street.”

Kit breathed a sigh of relief. While it wasn’t proof that Ginny was okay, it certainly helped Kit’s nerves. “Thanks, Penelope. Sorry about that.”

“Sure, my sweet clover. But, why don’t you just call her and ask where she is? I’m going to assume that’s one of your many many siblings.”

Because I haven’t quite told her I’m working with the BAU now, or going in the field again, and I’m not ready to have that conversation with her just yet, considering no one knows but Ari and Monty.

“I don’t want to interrupt her at work, I just needed to know she was okay.”

Garcia was quiet again before saying, “You know, we’ll get him. My system has faxed almost all the papers now, and then you can go bring him in.”

Kit took a breath, glancing again at the reflection in the mirror. She almost didn’t recognize the face staring back at her. Had she always looked so sad?

“Thanks, Pen,” she said quietly. “I, um. I’ve gotta go.”

“Go fight crime, clover. But, hey,” Penelope’s voice took on a different quality. A serious one. “You and I should talk when you get back.”

She sighed, but nodded. “Okay… bye, Penelope.”

Kit hung up the phone.

Ginny was fine. She knew that it was a given, and she probably just looked like a crazy, paranoid moron, but she also knew deep down that Penelope didn’t care. Maybe she understood.

Before she could convince herself otherwise she hit the first position speed dial, pacing a bit in front of the sinks as it rang.

“Dia dhuit?” Came Monty’s groggy, listless voice over the line, and Kit nearly burst into tears at the combination of her sister’s voice, her real voice, and their mother tongue.

“Monty.”

“Yeah, it’s me. Where are you? Thought you were in the living room, but I only hear you on the phone.”

Kit wiped at a stray tear trailing down her cheek. There was no way she was keeping it together when she finally got home.

Monty’s accented Irish was thicker than it normally was. Her voice was lower too, telling of the fact that she quite possibly woke her twin up. She bit back a bit of guilt, her own voice launching into a language just for them.

“I’m sorry, I woke you, didn't I?”

“It’s alright, I’ll go back when we’re done. Where are you?”

“Are you feeling any better?” She was stalling. “When was the last time you took-”

“Dakota.” Kit stopped in her tracks. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Everything is fine.”

“But why are you crying?”

Damn it.

She tried to keep any tremor out of her voice, but she knew Monty would always be able to tell. “I’m not.”

“Why are you calling me, crying-”

Kit sighed, her pacing stopping dead in its tracks as she tried to keep herself together. “Everything is okay. I’m not hurt. I’m fine. Everyone is fine. I needed to hear your voice.”

The coughing across the line was grating, and then, “Kody, where are you? What are you talking about? What’s going on?”

“I…” Kit started, steadying herself with a hand on the counter. “We’re in Pennsylvania.” 

“You’re what?” 

“It’s fine, I had to leave overnight. We’re on a case.”

“You didn’t call,” Monty said, obviously upset. “You didn’t even send a text. Ari was at the bureau last night, too, why-” She cut herself off to cough, the line being muffled as Monty pulled away from the speaker.

Kit ran her hand down her face. This wasn’t the conversation she needed to be having. She should have called Ari. He tended to be a little more level headed when he was upset. 

“Why wouldn’t you say anything?” Monty finally asked, voice much rougher than before. “What if something happened?”

“Nothing is going to happen,” Kit said, her voice more steady than she felt it should be. “I’m sorry, Mont. I’m so sorry. I know I should have told you.”

“Why…” Monty trailed for a moment before she said quietly, “Why did you call now?”

Claudia’s face flashed to the front of her mind, and then Monty’s; the reflection of her own staring back at her in the mirror. 

“I needed to hear your voice. I had to know you were alright.”

Another moment of silence passed before Monty asked, “Something happened, didn’t it?”

Kit sighed, sniffling quietly before letting out another, deeper sigh. “I don’t know if I can do this, Mont.”

The door to the bathroom swung open, JJ standing on the other side.

“Hey, the whole file finally came through, we’re meeting in the- are you crying?” 

Kit’s head whipped around to look at JJ square, and she hastily wiped under her eyes. “No, I, um. I’ll be right there.”

JJ tilted her head, but nodded and shut the door again. The air between the twins crackled quietly before Kit cleared her throat.

“I have to go. I… hopefully I’ll be home tonight. I’m sorry, Montana. I am.”

“Kody, wait-”

“I love you, Mont, I’m so sorry.”

“You can’t just say those things and then go put yourself in danger! You can’t do that to me! I-”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I-” The door to the bathroom was pounded on. “Lep! Let’s go!”

Derek.

“Dakota!”

“I’m sorry. I love you.”

Before Monty could say anything else, Kit snapped her phone shut. 

------

Her leg bounced as she sat in the SUV in between Reid and Elle. She was twisting at the hem of her shirt, and some of the threads had ripped and stretched. It was keeping her from pulling on her hair though, so she didn’t care about that. Ginny could sew it for her when they got back to DC.

If Ginny’s still there. Anyone could grab her at any time. Anyone could-

“Are you okay?” Reid asked quietly, his eyes locked on her fingers as they tugged at the material.

She stilled her hands immediately, feeling the concern dripping from his tone.

“Yeah,” she said. “Just… tired.”

“You could probably sit out if you need to,” he said, not noticing the way her face had started to heat up. Everyone in the SUV was actively pretending they couldn’t hear their conversation, but Kit knew better.

“I don’t need to,” she said quickly. “I just want to get home, so the faster we cuff this creep, the better."

"Because of your sister?"

"What?"

How could he have possibly known what you were thinking about Ginny? Did you say something? Did-

"Your sister's sick, right?"

She stared at him for a moment before it clicked. He wasn't talking about Ginny. Of course he wasn't, the only one that knew about her minor meltdown was Garcia. Monty being sick was common knowledge. 

"Oh," she said. "Yeah. And because he's, you know." She gestured vaguely. "Murdering women."

Elle laughed quietly next to her, nodding as she said, “Right, there’s that. We’ll get him. Right, Gideon?”

“Oh, we’ll get him,” Gideon said, sending more anticipatory energy into the world than usual. Kit didn’t have to think about the implications of that, though, as the SUV came to a halt outside a two story home.

They got out of the van quickly, all thoughts of Monty and going home gone as they strapped into Kevlar vests and double checked their weapons.

“I believe Walter Kern is in Sylvia Gooden's home now,” Gideon said, addressing the five of them and the SWAT captain. “Hotch confirmed he left the community center hours ago, and Kern's car's parked on the next block.”

“I want Walter Kern alive,” Ryan said quickly, and the SWAT captain nodded at his request. “I'll stand by for the word.”

“Reid, Greenaway, I'll call you when we've secured Kern. Morgan, Colghain, you’re with me and Ryan. Okay, let's move out.”

“Yeah,” Elle said, watching them as they walked away, Kit trailing just behind. 

It didn’t feel right to her that she was going and Elle was staying back, but that was one of the reasons she was even on the team.

Or, working with them, at least. There’d been too many conversations surrounding that topic for her to understand her feelings about it.

They crept towards the house, pausing as the SWAT team pried the door open. Gideon led and Kit held the rear, covering and watching to make sure that nothing happened to them. Team or not, they were her responsibility.

They weren’t in the house for very long before they could hear Gooden crying for help on the second floor. Every movement they made was succinct, and within seconds they were in the room.

“Don't move! Don't move!” Gideon yelled, all weapons drawn at Kern as he tried to hold a plastic bag over Gooden’s face.

They scuffled for a moment, Morgan able to knock Kern’s gun out of the way before holding his arms behind his back. “Down on your knees! Down! Don't move!”

Kit held her gun steady, shifting into a position that allowed her to still have a sightline on Kern; at least until he was cuffed. Not that she believed he could get out of Morgan’s hold.

Gideon spoke quickly into the com, letting Reid and Elle know that Gooden was alive, and Kern was secure.

Morgan struggled a bit to keep Kern’s hands together, and Kit didn’t change her aim. “Cuff him, Morgan.”

“Gideon, I need your cuffs, man,” he said over his shoulder.

Gideon didn’t move right away, but Kit didn’t take her eyes off Kern. She couldn’t until she knew he didn’t have any chance of getting away.

“Why don't you do this? I'll take care of her.” Gideon had spoken to Ryan, who had clearly been soothing Gooden until that moment. 

"That's enough. Now get up,” Morgan said, passing him off so Ryan could cuff him. “You got him?”

“Ya, I got him,” Ryan said, and Kit lowered her weapon as she heard the click of the cuffs secure around Kern’s wrists.

“Colghain,” Gideon said, “Some help, please.”

Kit turned quickly, realizing that Sylvia Gooden, who had just been nearly suffocated, was still crying and panicking with flex cuffs around her wrists. 

She wasn’t done yet.

The two steps to the bed were swift, and Gideon stepped aside as she spoke to the traumatized woman. “Hi, my name is Kit. I’m a nurse, and I’m going to check and make sure you’re okay. Is it alright if I touch you?”

Gooden looked up at her for a moment before she nodded stiffly, taking a deep breath before dissolving into hysterics. 

Kit grabbed her hands and squeezed gently, giving the older woman a small smile despite all the crazy going on around them.

“You’re going to be okay,” she said. “I promise. It’s all going to be okay.”

-----

Kit sat next to Reid on the jet, which was odd, because she normally tried to keep herself as far away from everyone as possible. She’d gotten a very strange read off of Hotch, though, who had secluded himself in the corner she usually would have taken, so she figured the conversation would keep her awake if anything else.

It didn’t stop her from propping a blue notebook open in her lap and tapping at it quietly with her pen. They were laughing at a story Ryan was telling about Gideon that made him seem almost human, and the laughter she shared was genuine. Gideon had stepped aside for her to take the lead with Gooden, which meant he was going to be true to his word when they were in the field. Stay out of each other’s way, and things will be fine. 

She just hoped it would last.

“What goes in that notebook?”

She looked up at Reid’s voice, noticing that while she’d allowed herself to be in her own head for fifteen seconds, everyone had splintered into their own conversations. Elle had even walked away from them, and was now engaged in a quiet conversation with Hotch.

“Hm?”

He nodded down at the blue notebook in her lap. “What goes in there? I’ve only ever seen the red one, and that’s where you write all of our medical information, and things that happen to us medically during cases. Like when I was sick in New Jersey. But that didn’t happen this time, nothing did, and that notebook is blue, and it’s much more worn, and -” He stopped short, frowning. “I’m rambling.”

She shook her head quickly. “No, it’s alright. I don’t mind. I was waiting for you to be done before I answered your question.”

Reid’s eyes widened a bit, his jaw dropping for just a moment before he seemed to right himself. “Most people don’t wait until I’m done.”

“It’s a skill I picked up in college. It’s hard to help someone if you won’t listen to their entire story.”

“Huh,” he said. He seemed to think on that for a moment before he said, “So, what’s it for?”

She blinked up at him. “Oh.”

She hadn’t thought she’d actually have to answer. She was sort of hoping that he would talk himself in circles until he was on another topic completely. He’d done it a few times over the short time she’d known him.

“Oh?”

“Well, it’s sort of personal,” she settled on.

“Like a journal? A diary?”

If he noticed she was blushing, he didn’t let on. “A little bit, it’s like-” She stopped short as she saw JJ move from her seat towards the coffee machine, and her brain flipped a completely different switch. “Sorry, I need to talk to JJ,” she said, and before he could protest, she’d dropped the notebook on her seat and was across the short length of the plane.

“Hey, JJ,” she said, causing the blonde to turn around and smile. 

“Hey, coffee?”

“No, actually I-” She hadn’t quite thought the rest out. “I um.”

She found her hands grabbing for the ends of her hair, but she stopped herself before she could start tugging. She was far too late on her meds, which were officially out of whack, considering the fact that she hadn’t slept in two days. She wasn’t even sure what day it was.

“Is today Sunday?” She said, which was not at all how she’d intended to start the conversation she wanted to have. 

JJ laughed. “I have no idea. Maybe? When we left it was the middle of the night, so I would need to check my phone.”

“Right,” Kit said, easing a bit and giving a quiet laugh of her own. “I um. Well, I wanted to tell you that I thought about what you said.”

JJ tilted her head, eyebrows pulling together. “What I said?”

“What you said about pushing back.”

“Ah,” JJ said, eyes flashing with recognition. “And?”

“I… Claudia really threw me.”

Her head tilted before she said, “The woman they found under the bed?”

Kit shivered. “Yeah.” She didn’t regard the moment with fondness. 

JJ didn’t seem to notice. She thought for a moment before shrugging. “I heard Morgan telling Gideon that you were incredible with her. That you didn’t leave when EMS got there because she didn’t want you to.”

Kit shook her head quickly, deflecting the praise. “I didn’t really do anything. She just… I don’t think she wanted all those men around her without another woman around.”

“And you were that woman for her.”

Kit stopped for a moment, watching JJ’s eyes soften. She was going to deflect again - insist that she’d done exactly what anyone else would have done, but something stopped her. 

“I want to be here,” she heard herself saying. She hadn’t had time to process it herself, but it seemed she was going to do it outloud, in real time. “I want to be a part of this, but I’m scared. Because there will be more Claudias. And more Sylvias… And more Kerns.” She moved a hand to play with the seam at the hip of her slacks. “And we won’t always get there in time. I won’t always get there in time.”

The two women stood in silence for a moment before JJ reached out and took Kit’s right hand off her braid, squeezing it gently between her own fingers.

“But we’ll always try. And sometimes?” She shrugged. “We win.”

Kit took a deep breath, allowing that thought to fill her senses. Sylvia Gooden was alive. Claudia was alive. Kern lost. 

“I think you should talk to Hotch when we get back. Not now. You look exhausted.”

They both laughed, Kit’s a little lackluster. “It’s that obvious?”

“You’ve got two black eyes.”

“Damn.” Kit shook her head, averting her eyes from JJ’s before saying, “Thank you. For listening and telling me what you knew and for making me feel like I deserve to be here.”

JJ nodded, saying simply, “You do.” She gestured to the coffee machine again. “You sure you don’t want some?”

Kit laughed, shaking her head again. “No, really, I shouldn’t. My body doesn’t know what time it is already, I think that would put me in dangerous territory.”

She stood on the Red Line platform, struggling to keep her eyes open. She pinched the skin between her thumb and forefinger, trying anything subtle to get her from point A to point B as quickly as possible. It was already dark, and she didn’t need to fall asleep on the train, or worse, while standing and waiting for the train. 

That would really cap this weekend. Falling asleep on the train, missing your stop, getting abducted…

“Do you have a headache?”

“Ah!” She jumped, turning over her shoulder and swearing loudly. “Reid, what the hell?”

“Sorry!” He said, ducking just a bit, as if he was worried she was going to strike him. “That pressure point is effective in relieving headaches, grounding panic attacks, and quelling nausea. Are you sick?”

She groaned and rolled her eyes. “No, that’s not- I know exactly what this pressure point is used for Spencer, what the hell are you doing here? At my train stop? Again? I told you that I don’t-”

“I wanted to make sure you got home safely,” he said quickly, cutting her off before she could really get going. The anxious sincerity flooding off of him stopped her long enough for him to continue. “The odds of being accosted on the Red Line are significantly lower than the Blue, but you’re exhausted, and this case made you nervous, so I just wanted to be sure you…” He slowed, a dark flush rising in his cheeks. “Got home safe. Which I’m sure you can on your own, because your field scores dwarf mine. I, um…”

He had stuttered to a halt.

He’s embarrassed. And he wanted to help you.

She didn’t have time or energy to process the fact that he’d most definitely profiled her. The sentiment was sort of touching.

Sort of, as far as Spencer Reid was concerned. 

��This… isn’t a Gideon thing?”

Reid chuckled quietly, shoving his hands into his pockets. “No. It’s, ah, a me thing. Gideon offered me a ride home, but I said no.”

She tilted her head at him, frowning as the train squealed into the station. “No shit?”

He laughed again, shaking his head and offering a small smile, his cheeks still flushed, but relief in his eyes. “No shit.”

“...Fine. But only because I’m really tired… You know, you could have said all this, or offered, in the bullpen, right? You didn’t have to follow me to the train like a stalker.”

The blush flooded his cheeks again, and he shrugged, unable to meet her eyes. “I didn’t want you to yell at me or something in front of everyone else.”

Her heart sank. 

Look what you’ve done, Kody. You made him anxious to be alone with you because he thinks you’re some crazy person that’s going to fly off the handle.

Well, aren’t you?

“I wouldn’t do that, Spencer,” She said, starting towards the train door. “I appreciate the concern… thanks.”

He looked up, eyes flashing a combination of relief and hesitance. “Oh. Yeah. Ah, yeah, sure.”

They sat down inside the train, Kit immediately leaning her head against the window. She sighed, closing her eyes.

Maybe Reid isn’t so bad. Maybe he’ll stay quiet, or read the whole way and you can actually get a short-

“You know, there’s a staggering amount of germs on the window on a DC train. Approximately 45% of people…”

-----

Spencer stalked away from her door, his long legs making him look somewhat like a baby giraffe as he turned to descend the stairs. He gave a last, incredibly awkward wave.

“See you tomorrow, Dakota,” he said.

She fought back the instinct to groan. “Bye Reid, thanks.”

He grinned as his head slipped below her sight line and she let out a sigh, her entire body seeming to settle into exhaustion. It was late, and dark, and hopefully she would be able to slip into the apartment and deal with her siblings in the morning before she left for work. She’d talk to Monty then, and Ari at the clinic, and everything would be fine.

She’d need to call Ginny, but she could do that in the morning as well. She needed to sleep first. Sleep, and then deal with whatever came.

Her hand fumbled a bit with the key as she tried to fit it correctly into the door, eyes dry and tired and brain scrambled. The residual jittery, anxious feeling of both the case and messing the the time on her medication wasn’t helping her fine motor skills, and she’d nearly resigned to search through her backpack for the flashlight she kept when the doorknob was ripped away from her hand, the door flying open. 

Something hard slammed into her body, arms wrapping around her in a vice grip and knocking the wind out of her.

Instead of words, there were hitching sobs from her attacker. Congested sounding, sad, and overly frustrated, matched with hot tears that were falling onto her shoulder. She took a breath, wrapping her arms around Monty and holding her as close as she could.

“Shh, it’s okay, dair, I’m okay,” she mumbled quietly, feeling her twin’s arms tighten around her. 

“Don't… ever do that,” Monty managed, voice gravely and tearful. “Never, ever.”

“Oi, Mont, what-” Ari turned the corner, making eye contact with Kit over their sister’s shoulder. She watched physical tension release in his shoulders. “Ah. Okay. Mont, deirfiúr, come in and close the door. She’s okay. We’re fine.”

The mixing of languages wrapped around Kit, filling her like a breath she hadn’t taken in days. Monty let go, rubbing furiously at her streaming eyes as she walked back through the door, settling down on their couch and curling herself into a ball.

Ari pulled Kit through the door, looking at Monty and shaking his head. There was no need for the mix now, they could speak as they did among themselves. “Ah, no, get up. Come on. She’s tired, you’re sick. Bed. Now.”

Kit didn’t know how it happened, but they all ended up in Ari’s bed. Granted, it was the biggest. He didn’t share a room, and he was significantly taller than both she and Monty had ever hoped to be. They’d slept all together as children often, and when they were first living in the district on the floor at Ginny’s, they ended up in some sort of pile of limbs the nights they all worked the same shifts. 

Now they rarely did. Six months before when they were back at home after Al needed to get his appendix out. A year before that when their Grandad had died. Before that? She wasn’t sure she remembered. 

Monty’s head rested on her chest, quiet congested snoring coming from her in even breaths. Her face was flushed; from fever or crying, Kit wasn’t sure.

She’d been nearly pulled into Ari’s lap, and now her head rested on his stomach, rising and falling just slightly as he slept. 

Regardless of how incredibly exhausted she was, she forced herself to stay awake and listen. To feel them breathing. To be sure they were there, and alive.

JJ’s words played in her head. 

You do.

She deserved to be with the BAU. She deserved to be there.

Her senses focused back in on her cúpla, and the stress she’d caused them. The fear. The anxiety.

But do you really want to be?

-----

It's me again!

The plan right now is to make each season (year?) a different story, with a different song as the title and lyrics for the chapters. I'm a music person, this is the only way I operate.

If you've heard a song that made you feel feelings, hit me with it!

[ephemeralgalaxies]

Loki Ep4 Spoilers below (once more bc I just can't help myself, can I?)

It's been a while since I've had a character as interesting as Mobius to analyze and I have no chill. Spoilers start below:

Also some spoilers for WandaVision but it's been months so hopefully y'all have seen it

TL;DR Mobius really trying to connect back with Loki in order to try and bring the TVA down (and also bc "oops, Loki was right, guess I gotta own up to that bitterness") and it works but it hurts so much. Also see: I can't stop watching this scene over and over trying to understand Mobius' subtle actions bc his reaction here is so different than in all other scenes where he's usually calm or trying to delve deep into Loki's mind for information. Now he's just desperate.

Ok so I know I made a post talking about Mobius' jealousy in that interrogation scene but I also want to touch on when he comes back again after seeing the footage from C-20's interrogation scene bc man is so desperate here and I'm crying

(I'm sorry, I can't get gifs to work for me today so we just using images. But I got these from this post)

Mobius was so hurt last time we saw him, Loki being thrown back into the time cell with Lady Sif, hitting our dear agent with "out of all the liars in this place... you are the biggest... for the [lies] you tell yourself." Mobius has been pushing down all these doubts, hiding all his questions and curiosities of the TVA for a while. He's teased Ravonna, but could never really get anywhere. Then after speaking with Loki about Sylvie, about "you're all variants", Hunter B-15's suspicions, the oddness of C-20's "death" (M:"she was just fine before." R:"well, then she suddenly wasn't fine."). Mobius is finally allowing himself to realize things, to question truly what is going on. (R: "Is that what you wanted to hear?" M: "Yeah, if that's the truth." R: "You've been around Lokis too long.")

In this scene, when he comes back to the time cell for Loki, he's frustrated, he's angry, he's desperate. Everything is a lie. He can't pretend anymore. Loki has bonded with Sylvie (actually caring for another human being without the trauma of Thor: The Dark World and Thor: Ragnarok) ((I'm begging you, pls let him see a variant of Thor in this series and get to bond again, I miss them)). C-20 is likely pruned and gone forever with no answers. B-15 is getting anxious and unfocused. Ravonna is snapping at him and manipulating him with those long speeches (please, Mobius has heard enough from Loki's videos to know when he's being manipulated by fake sentimental words). He's tired, no longer patient enough for all the little quips-- he just need answers. For once in his "life" at the TVA, he just wants the truth. Something to safely hold to.

He's just put Loki through this timeloop of Lady Sif, of someone from home someone that could've been close to him under different circumstances, someone his brother cared about, kicking him/slapping him/ berating him with "you deserve to be alone, and you always will be." Loki's whole "Sacred Timeline Life" marks him to "always be alone", to finally get close to people before being torn away (whether in his own volition or by someone/something else). But with Loki caring for Sylvie, maybe even loving her, this changes everything for this Loki. He could finally care enough to save someone, to go out of his way in order to help others at his own cost. And Mobius knows this.

He asks again, desperate, pleading, hoping. Loki has to believe in himself, has to love himself enough to think to believe that he deserves a family, love, security from his greatest fear. He has to have changed because if not, then he'll either get pruned or wind up just like Mobius. Either way, gone from existence-- life erased, precious memories of "what if", "what once was", obliterated. He has to believe, or it'll happen again and again and again. To everyone, to the whole universe, unless something someone could do the impossible and shatter all reality.

With Wanda (specifically in WandaVision, final episode end credits), with her searching for her children and Vision, attempting the impossible and blending her realities in order to give them life because she needs them, she loves them. (M: "If you really care about [Sylvie]..."). This threat to the Sacred Timeline, pushing closer and closer to the MCU Multiverse, because they have to, because they want to.

(sorry again for bland picture, I love his expression in this gif but it wont load)

Mobius knows Loki is hurting-- from Lady Sif, from his past, from failing to protect Sylvie on his own, from Mobius not believing him and calling him "just a bad friend". He knows Loki could learn to believe, but he doesn't yet. Only Frigga ever told him she believed in him, he needs to hear it again. He needs to know he deserves love because he is loved. Mobius does, "believe, stupidly" (ep2) that Loki has this potential.

When I first saw this scene in the trailers, I was nervous it would be in the context of Mobius trying to get Loki on the TVA's side, "someone good". But here, this is so much better-- he knows the TVA is lying, is manipulating, is destroying lives. (L: "No one bad is every truly bad, and no one good is ever truly good" ep2 again lol). Loki knows he's not "truly good", that he's hurt people-- whether he planned to or not. But he can still be good. He can still choose to love, to care, to believe.

He can be what he's always wanted, what Frigga promised him, what he's always feared. He can be known, be loved, be safe-- Loki doesn't just fear being alone, he fears people choosing to leave him. That's why the memory of Lady Sif instead of Thor reaching for him on the Rainbow Bridge or Thanos threatening the Asgardian refugees or even Odin trying to explain why he "saved" Loki when he fought Loki's homeland. This memory was casual, simple, unnecessary. But it's always the smallest moments that truly impact us the most-- the slight changes.

When Mobius says this to Loki, he freezes-- he's confused, hesitant, scared. No one tells him this, why is someone telling him this, how can I believe this?

And then:

.And the little shrug Mobius gives here

It's so casual, so simple, so nonchalant. He just wants to reassure Loki that he still cares. He just spent a whole interrogation hounding on Loki for finding love with Sylvie, for changing with her (jealous boi be jealous), for lying to him and betraying him (M: "You don't do partners... unless ofc it benefits you and you intend to betray them at some point"). But now, now he's stopped lying to himself. He knows he cares, that Loki has a chance, that they have to burn this place down. Mobius wants stop this from ever happening again, from someone ever having to go through what Loki's gone through, being told they can never be loved because that's just how the Timeline goes. That a kid would be taken away from their family (probably because Sylvie presents feminine?? Idk, feel like MCU Odin wouldn't be so good with that). He has to reassure Loki, he wants to, because no one should ever feel that way again.

(and frick I really hate this, please look at the gifs from the linked post above, u gotta see his precious smile grow)

LOOK AT THIS SMILE, LOOK AT HIM HE'S HAPPY. And it was such a small, subtle apology from Mobius but it made all the difference bc he told Loki that he believes in him. And then they walk back out of the time cell, side-by-side, looking at each other. Content, safe, prepared to face the world together. He's no longer alone.

... And then ofc this happens...

*cue my heart shattering* (bless Hiddleston's acting).

The fact that you can even hear the hitch in Mobius' breath as he realizes this is the end of the line for him, that Ravonna knows and there's no going back--he's not making it out of this.

"One last desperate trick from the desperate trickster."

He talks about the jetski, about what his life might have been, he knows this hits Loki, being ripped from your timeline, losing all that potential. More importantly, it gives Loki a reason to fight. A silent, "Don't let this happen again. Don't let them get away with this. Please, remember me, don't let me disappear." But it doesn't work, because the one thing Mobius didn't account for, is that Loki cares about him. That now, the fight drains out of him. They pruned Mobius, ofc they'll get to Loki and Sylvie. They didn't even hesitate. Loki just lost, once again, the only other person who ever told him they believed in him. "You can be whoever, whatever..." "She told me I could do anything..."

Loki is less of a narcissist and more of a person desperate to fill that hole inside-- he's been neglected, cast aside, told he should want this and then never getting it. A "Glorious Purpose" to always hide in the shadows, to cause suffering, to give others a reason to unite against him. But for once, just once he hoped that he didn't have to do it alone-- that he could unite. And then they crushed those beautiful few seconds of hope like it was just another tedious, burdening purpose of the TVA.

(credits of images/gifs to the original posts linked, none were mine as I can't figure this out at all lol)

[anonil88]

A Green Night on the Town.

Is this a modern au? No. Ruby and Christina end up meeting the neighbors as William and Hillary. But Ruby wants to go to the bar and live a little, 👀.

Ruby Baptiste X Christina Braithwhite

Inspired by comments and posts by @dreaduquesne and @taylor144. I did do some research for this, the one song is from the 1960s but we are gonna pretend it's not. If you are going to be negative just for negativity sake please don’t. Wanted to post this before tonight’s episode where this ship may go down in flames. One more ep left after tonight *insert sad emojis*

Songs in order of appearance in story: Put on my Shoes by Mary Anne Fisher, I don't know by Ruth Brown, One Man's Poison by Liz Lands, It's Your Voodoo Working by Charles Sheffield.

MATURE RATING

LINK TO STORY ON ARCHIVE OF OUR OWN 

Ruby sat in the Bentley checking her image in the side mirror. The red lipstick she reapplied was new and came in a gold bullet with roses carved into it. It was the shade Ruby and she got it on one of her shopping adventures. As Hillary of course. The matte color clashed with Hillary's choice of clothing but perfectly matched her pink dress with red and blue flowers stitched onto it. She wasn't only checking her face but looking out for unfriendly neighbors.

In the weeks she's been with Christina in the house, the looks she's gotten are usually not friendly. Kids and parents alike staring her up and down like she is trash. In her most unholy form of self they smiled "Fake ass white folks ," she thinks. They were lucky most white people did not want trouble knowing William lived with her openly. As openly as they could be, the city of Chicago has always cared less about couples like them but the people sure do care enough. Ruby glances at the door that sits far behind iron gates. 

After her day out, William introduced her to some of the neighbors on another street who had kids. Kids who looked innocent playing in the streets. A group of men talking on the street flagged the Pontiac down making Ruby tense but William's hand rested atop hers in the middle of the seat.  They spoke across her wondering where they could get themselves a car and a woman that. William chuckled and made small talk which Ruby side eyed her partner for. 

That led to them both getting out of the car introducing themselves to these men and their wives as Hillary and William Davenport. An invitation for dinner came from one wife who kept commenting on the bump in Hillary's hair too nicely. Ruby heard a little bit of Christina's snark in Williams no and tampened that response with, "Sorry we have plans tonight." Which thankfully was accepted and before then they had no plans but now Ruby wanted to spend the night dancing to music, maybe singing just a little. As herself, after an exhausting day of keeping up with the Joneses or Smiths or whatever white slave master name they probably shared with a poorer distant cousin on the Southside. Damn she kinda missed the Southside. Christina had been before but not like this.

She sees a teenage boy dragging a trash can down the driveway next door but listens to the sound of feet making their way down the walkway. Slowly she puts the lipstick in her purse that will get left in the back seat because tonight she wants nothing to hold her back. Ruby watches Christina open and lock the gate with her back turned. Hair perfectly swooped to the side even in moonlight.

The tall blonde was in a green dress fitted at the waist that was far too fancy for whatever jazz joint they were bound to end up in. It looked new but Ruby swore Christina had too big of a closet, almost big enough for two people. William had a vest in a similar color, he wore a few days ago...well she wore Ruby guesses. Christina looks nice as she saunters towards the silver drivers side and Ruby bit the inside of her lip. There was something about the way the woman was so sure and confident in her walk, how she sat, or how she inserted the silver key into the ignition. Even when she was out dressing her for a simple night on the town. Those long hands just so handling the key before slipping...

Ruby swallows her jealous admiration and rolls her eyes, "Seriously?"

"What, is this too much ?" Christina asks, smoothing her fingertips over the leather of the steering wheel. She leans over Ruby likely too close and slips a vial of William's blood in the glove box. Giving Ruby an amused stare that makes Ruby roll her eyes even harder. Christina thinks of this as a game, one they both play. There are days she has already taken her potion and is dressed in slacks eating breakfast. Ruby will saunter into the kitchen dressed in a number that makes Christina wonder if keeping Ruby hostage would be so bad. Probably, if Leticia found out there would be a makeshift army outside her front door.

"Ha," Ruby laughs out loud and Christina smiles, "You fucking think, it's a jazz joint not the Ritz. Who in the Sam Hill are you trying to impress tonight?"

Christina lowers her eyes to Ruby's lips. She thinks of just exactly who she was continually trying to impress as covertly as possible. Ruby looks away and back realizing Christina is still staring at her like....that. She does it in William's skin too, those eyes sizing her up. Two piercing blue eyes always staring at her so deeply Ruby thinks she could burst into flames. No matter the face she does find it hard to look away. 

"Don't look at me like that. I warned you about that, now drive." Ruby says crossing her arms in her lap listening to the engine come alive. Christina grins to herself but keeps her words to herself as she shifts the car into drive.

The night leads them to Vesey's where Ruby is plenty filled with free drinks. She already sang at the last spot with a band but her presence rouses the crowd that is already not slow at all tonight. The bar is more packed than normal and Ruby forgets to ask why. She did hear Sammy whisper across the bar to a man next to her something about a discreet open door to friends of Dorothy for once. As soon as her and her unlikely plus one arrived, Christina said she'd be fine on her own. 

Ruby took that for truth but tried to read her half truth anyway. Christina held her own well but not like this...this would be a first. That was something Christina would say often "a first" with practically anything it made Ruby wonder if her secret-sometimes lover had any childhood or life at all before her sister came barreling into that mansion.

The whiskey is neat on her tongue as she tosses it back quickly before blearily grinning at Sammy. Tonight felt good and light and fun. No white eyes staring at her making her feel undone in front of them. Ruby in her skin surrounded by her kin and music that was sewn into her spirit. No matter how sad the lyrics could get the beat was full of life.

"And we have our resident songstress in the crowd tonight," someone on the small stage called out. Whistles came from the bar and the crowd mid dance at the stage. Andre, the young barkeep, winking at her taking her lipstick stained glass back behind the bar.

"I guess that's my cue Dre," Ruby raised her brows at him. He nods back, touching her hand sitting on the bar lightly. He sure was cute, she thought before slowly getting up from the stool. She makes her way past the packed house and in front of the band playing. Shouts and hollers come from the crowd as she holds out her hands. 

"Ladies and Gentlemen, the Ruby Baptiste." The man pushes the mic in her hand and whispers good luck to her. She isn't a stranger to singing while drunk or singing well while drunk. Not even with a big audience but there is a feeling of nerves in her fingers as she grips the mic and slips it back in the stand.

"Hello Southside," Ruby says into the mic. Whistles get louder and someone bangs on the bar. This crowd definitely had some new faces in it but they were smiling or leaning against someone else like lustful animals. "Alrighty i guess y'all are entitled to a few songs."

Someone yells from a booth, "Yea, where you been Ruby left us on the south side for the north side."

Ruby laughs into the mic, " Y'all think I would leave this behind never!" She looks at the guitarist, "maybe you." Folks gossiping was always a trend her name sour on so many people's mouths.

Everyone laughs in response and she laughs quietly to herself. She whispers to the band "Put on my shoes".

Ruby sways with the band as they start before leaning into the mic.

"Should I feel a little hot, you almost drive me insane, All your good intentions. Seem to wash right down the drain, put yourself in my place. You'll see what I mean and you'll know how I feel. And you'll feel, you'll feel a pain in your heart."

Ruby scans the crowd with her eyes, landing on random spots of the crowd that look more enthused then others. Her voice still gravels out...

"Baby I've been let down more times than I can remember how you cheated on poor lil me from January to December. Put yourself in my place. You'll see what I mean and you'll know how I feel."

Her hand cradles the mic as she throws her words into it. She knows that pain even if it is not her current romance. Her heart had been split open once or twice before. Maybe that's why she held her heart back in  this thing with William, Christina, or as Montrose called them Chrilliam.

"And you'll feel you'll feel a pain in your heart. I've always been faithful and I've always been true but there's gotta be the death gotta be a change in you."

Fuck him, she thought throwing her anguish in het voice before leaning back up to scan the crowd.

"Put on my shoes for a day.

Put on my shoes for a week.

Put on my shoes for a month or two, know what I've been through."

If only she could make a spell or potion, so that Christina could understand. Understand why she gets so angry and frustrated with the woman in and outside of her own blackness. She finally finds the blonde blending in surprisingly well. Christina has a drink in hand leaning against the wall, watching her. Blue eyes sweeping across the stage as Ruby moves about the space. Instead of looking away Ruby croons out....

"Go on and have fun after all is said and done."

Someone bemoans out yes sing Ruby sing. Ruby watches Christina stare at her not breaking the tension between the two of them. If this was an empty house it would be much more obvious that Ruby had been stuck. Stuck on the way Christina clutched the glass in her hand to her lips. The way her eyes didn't waver or move from Ruby eyeing her up and down.

"Put on my shoes you'll get the blues the blues the blues if you put on my shoes."

The song starts to end and Ruby finally looks away. Her heart is beating so loudly it could probably take over for Gordy the drummer if they need be. If only Christina could know authentically how it felt to be in skin like hers. Not some misplaced gesture that could have gotten her dumb ass killed...if only. 

Christina half listens to the short woman sharing the table with her. She did not care at all what the woman was saying but she fully understood she had no power in this establishment. Magically yes, but physically she was the outsider here. If someone wanted to sit at the same table in this bar they could. This bar was thick with smoke, heat, and loud. Christina observed it all, everyone seemed at home in this small establishment. A home full of strangers that couldn't cross into Lincoln Park with that same joy and comfort. She didn't understand that feeling but she also never really had a "home" to connect to. A comfort as distant as her ability to empathize with these people.

A taller full figured woman stands next to the shorter darker one before sitting down eyeing Christina up and down. Which Christina doesn't change her one note expression for. The shorter woman is still yapping on about something and Christina flits her eyes between the two. At some point the taller one leans in and introduces herself as Celia. Christina leans in a bit to hear her and nods. Celia has a cool confidence she immediately picks up on instead of the jittery energy in between them.

"Isn't this wild Cil I've never seen a white woman walk in this place alone," the short one finally says in between winds of her story.

Celia smiles at Christina and says lowly, "Alone is right." Christina sees something in the taller woman's eye and grits her teeth a bit. She isn't alone, not really, with Ruby in the same building. But neither of them is kept and Ruby doesn't often kiss her without the pieces of William stuck to her skin. 

"What's he coming over here all fancy like for, she's just white. Not royalty." a man in the booth next to the table huffs out loud enough for Christina to hear. One purpose most likely she knows.

Christina turns and sees the owner of the bar walking over to the table with a tray holding a wine glass filled with red. A few bystanders jump out of his way or side eye him. This didn't seem like the place where people went to for a glass of wine. Sammy was his name, she remembers that from her own bits of research on her extended family. She has also heard whispers that he was or is linked to her cousin's father, in that way. He stops in front of her and places the glass on the table. 

"On the house Braithwhite." Sammy purses his lips a little at her and she crosses her eyes at him. "A request from..." the stage he mouths. She softens her look when he walks away and pulls the glass to her. Sipping it she almost laughs, it's an awful merlot that tastes like pennies. The copper taste sits on her tongue and her eyes go wide. Slipping her hand into the pockets on her dress she feels for the glass vial that should be there. After a moment of panic she feels the cold glass pulling it out a bit to ensure it's still full. It is. She sighs relief into the glass and sips it again.

The music from the band is still blaring as the crowd in front of the seating area sways and moves back and forth. No singing comes through the air and Christina leans her neck slightly to find Ruby on the stage or in the crowd. It takes a bit before a wheezy laugh proceeds and sees a man on stage with Ruby. He is swaying behind her as she holds the mic singing into the mic, 

"Could a heart so right be led so wrong if his love is weak would it last this long. I don't know but I hope and pray that he comes my way oh oh." 

Christina grips at her own thigh with the hand still sitting in her pocket.

The horn player toots out loudly and Ruby turns around lightly pushing away the tall built man behind her. It was all in good fun as the band kept playing and he sidled back up to her slipping his hands back to her waist teasingly. She hears the band transition into another song while she dances on stage. Left, right, left, right. She feels her hips sway away from the fingers resting above her dress. She recognizes this song and shakes her shoulders along to the music that's all around her. Looking back at the crowd she can see the stares that she is receiving from the men in the crowd. It is all temptation and fire from many directions but Ruby shrugs to herself. She did not come for a man, she had one of those already, which was obvious others heard about. Her core tightens thinking of that man, so adept with the way he took care of her. Where is he? She wonders looking back to the table she sent that bottom shelf wine to earlier. She sees Christina but Christina is holding a conversation with a glass half full. A conversation that Ruby blinks at, a woman, a very pretty light skinned girl is undressing Christina with her eyes. Ruby knows she can't hide the look on her face and bites her tongue. It earns her an, “Ooo gurl what's on your mind,” from the guitarist who she sees her face flare with jealousy. He’s following her gaze to the table and whistles loudly. He never thought Ruby went that way, but he didn’t know a lot about Ruby outside of rumors.

Braithwhite never looked out of place even in a place like this. She just fit in well without trying like a chameleon making herself comfortable in someone else's home. If Ruby did not know some of Christina’s truths this would concern her, but not so much now. At least even at her most sordid she was honest. The green of the dress did stand out but it felt see through to Ruby. She was pretty sure the woman on the other end could only wish for the type of knowledge she had. The alcohol and revitalized confidence in her gives her half the mind to throw her shoe from the stage. Maybe knocking Christina's eyes, that were probably not bulging as much as Ruby's liquored brain saw, back into her head. Ruby thinks better than that and sits the mic back in the stand and clears her throat into the mic.

Eyes including those blue ones find their way back to the stage. Ruby glares a bit in Christina's direction then directs her words back to the crowd. "Aight y'all this is my last song for tonight, it's something me and the boys have been cooking up."

Ruby hears the band whistle and mumble about someone having her in a mood tonight. The four count from the symbol goes off and Ruby clenches the mic letting her voice seep out,

"One man's poison is another man's meat, what's good for Johnny will kill poor Pete."

People in the cloud clap at the new sound. Folks lean up off the wall to move towards the dance area or to move with the crooning in their spot. Ruby smiles with her words as they continue. 

"I'm good at loving so make no mistake I was his gravy but I'm your steak. Kiss me baby hold me tight everything's gonna be alright."

Ruby sways her hips back and forth a bit. Christina feels her eyes getting heavy dragging up and down Ruby's frame. She catches Ruby glancing her way and licks her lips quickly before the woman turns away from her. 

"One man's evil is another man's pure, kiss me baby I want your sweet loving tonight." 

Ruby extends her leg on stage twisting it with the music as she dances with the fill of the band. Moving back to the mic she slides her hands around the tall skinny pole.

Christina empties the contents of her glass not moving her vision from Ruby. She's leaning out of her chair slightly, but tries to pull herself together. If the times allowed her to, she'd have Ruby right there on the stage and she guesses if the crowd wasn’t soaking in the way Ruby reeled them in. Ruby was full of magic and had an effect on people that Christina was sensitive to. Even the first time she heard her sing.

Ruby grins as the band keeps playing and nods to them. Which they respond with air kisses. The crowd jeers as Ruby makes her way off the stage. A man's arm outstretched guides her off the stage even though she didn't need any help. Ruby can feel fire on her skin likely from Christina at the attention from a few gentlemen as Ruby passes them on her way to the bar for a glass of water. When she makes her way towards the seating area she teasingly saunters past the table she knows the blonde is sitting at. Ruby feels the eyes outlining her from behind and hears someone excuse themselves from a table behind her. She keeps walking to the bathroom she knew was at the end of the hall. 

The sound of heels matching her stride as she opens and lets herself in the single person toilet.

Ruby swallows her moans while slowly tugging the long blonde hairs in between her fingers. Light tugs feeling soft rouged cheeks against her inner thighs. Lips kissing up against her thigh garters and stockings. Ruby exhales pulling Christina's head back up to hers.

"Is that what you wanted, sitting there pissed off because someone had your new toy."

Christina exhales feeling Ruby's nails scratch her scalp ever so. Her face is flushed, she can feel it, but she shakes out no lightly. "You aren't a toy," Christina pushes Ruby's hand away from her and leans over her. Less than inches away, "I guess I'm just a little jealous and it seems you are too." 

Ruby scoffs but doesn't deny it, instead she drinks in the way Christina looks at her. With a vigor and a hunger that makes her thighs clench against the hand there. Fingers that sting in her memories from the car stroke up and down and Ruby does something she rarely does. She leans in and pulls Christina's lips to hers.

Christina revels in the slow tongue inching along hers. Ruby's hand on the back of her head, pulls her closer, and she slaps a hand against the tile wall surrounding the mirror. She likes this Ruby whoever this Ruby is. Unattached. Christina whimpers, feeling her head shoulders pushed downward. This Ruby who kisses her even without her being William. She also feels good in Ruby who is bound and only kisses William.

"You said you'd kiss whatever I wanted Braithwhite," Ruby gathers the blonde’s hair in her hands. Sinking her red fingernails into the blonde scalp, she opens her legs wider putting more weight on the metal sink. Ruby feels her breath hitch watching Christina sink to her knees while biting her lip at Ruby's words. Christina is undoing the snap of her garter while pushing Ruby's dress further up her thighs. It's almost around her waist, but this was not the place to just strip of it completely. Ruby leans her head back in relief feeling Christina inch the lacey cotton fabric around her hips down until they are off completely. She hopes Christina tucks them in her pocket at least.

Christina sighs pushing the lacey fabric into the same pocket holding William. She lightly bites into Ruby's thigh before moving to taste her fully. There is a low shudder and the grip on her hair tightens as she dips her head forward closing her eyes to fully immerse herself in Ruby. Ruby feels the hot coils in her stomach snapping and crackling. Her free hand moves from clenching her mouth to gripping the sink. She doesn't want to ruin Christina's dress but the heel of her shoe is pressing into the blondes back. A gasp like moan escapes her mouth as a shiver runs across her collar bone.

"Oh shit," the door next to them squeaks open and shut quickly, making both Ruby and  Christina open their eyes. Christina turns her head upward to stare at Ruby. She can't say she feels any shame in her current position, but Ruby might. Ruby can only see the blue eyes peeking at her with concern and heat from the bottom of her dress. But, she feels like wetness on Christina's chin on her warm thighs. Ruby leans over to the lock on the door and twists it shut before leaning her head back on the wall. She regrips Christina's hair, "Kiss what I want."

Ruby moans out loud while music and a jazzy tune slips under the door.

“Your love is voodoo and I just can’t last. It's your voodoo working, voodoo working, voodoo working and I can't get a lick…..”

[yourpreciouslilbub]

park woo jin ft lee dae hwi pt. 1 (random imagines)

member: park woo jin ft. lee dae hwi

genre: fluff, au

warnings: wrong grammar, cringiness (read at ur own risk)

summary: daydreaming about changing lives by imagining having swapping bodies with a celebrity

• y/n is so done with her life.

• online classes just make her behavior worst and tired than having face to face.

• tends to isolate herself from her main accounts not minding chats and notifications.

• it's not that you don't care or mind about other people, you just don't feel communicating lmao

• prefer spending time by spazzing, watching k-dramas, or playing.

• on a night with a full moon, hearing those unstoppable sounds of dogs in your neighborhood.

• y/n suddenly thinks of having a different kind of life she has.

• kinda corny but wishes to experience those (be careful what you wish for)

• being weird and an overthinker she just let it pass, finally decides to sleep.

• next morning came, y/n wakes up with a bright vivid light that comes from the window.

• slowly progressing what happened on the verge of 'your mind is still asleep'

• a loud 'bugsh' was heard when you fall from your bed

• white long curtains, teddy bears and other cute stuff, a mini piano with lots of music sheets scattered on it,

• colorful post-it that you also read, "you can do it" "well done." "fans are waiting for you" "love myself too" "music is hard but it's all worth it".

• and a sweet smell of vaporized candles lingers around the room.

• y/n is amused yet nervous especially when he heard the door opens.

• "daehwi-yah we will eat now, what are you doing there on the floor? still asleep?"

• woong said, questioning y/n then laugh before closing the door.

• ofc you know him. it's woong the main vocalist and fake maknae of the k-pop group that you've been stanning since their debut ab6ix.

• confused still half-awake y/n decided to check her face by looking at the mirror (more like a routine or habit daehwi does lol every morning)

• "oh my god" y/n said in Korean that made her more shocked.

• purple pajamas with messy hair but still looking handsome on it is the image that you saw in front of the mirror.

• "how did this happen?" eyes are both wide open checking if this is freaking real.

• still not syncing into reality you decided to pounder thoughts

• when you heard the other members yell daehwi's name

• so your feet take you to the familiar and at the same time unfamiliar kitchen of ab6ix.

• "why are you so weird today, daehwi-yah?" woojin asked sending his signature sparrow gaze into you.

• you suddenly feel the urge to curse bcs first you are star-struck, second, it's bared face ab6ix your idols, third park woo jin is freaking asking you why daehwi is weird, lastly, daehwi is your bias and you are in his body?

• can't process the whole information, so you just shrugged at woojin's question then sit on the empty chair beside donghyun.

• everyone is busy chit-chatting while you just eat your food silently.

• the next hours went by smoothly except those kakao messages that came from other celebrities that you know too (daehwi being a social butterfly)

• and when your manager calls you for dance and vocal practice today along with the other members

• ofc you are nervous you don't sing and dance, and daehwi's prob professional especially when writing songs how are you supposed to do that?

• with cold hands you and the other members enter the practice room.

• woojin leads it and play a warm-up song first.

• y/n is very nervous but amused at how daehwi's body moves along the beat.

• you enjoyed vocal lessons too as you kept making vibrations on the songs.

• little you did know that woojin is observing you since this morning (y'all know that park woojin is the member whose daehwi are most close with so)

• you let out a big sigh when the classes are finally over but immediately taken aback when manly arms wrapped around your shoulders.

• "we should talk," woojin murmured then drag you until you two reach his room.

• woojin's room is a combination of black and white a typical minimalist person would love this adding his collection of action figurines.

• he's so manly, you thought to yourself.

• "daehwi-yah, spill it," he said breaking the silence between the two of you.

• "i-uh is there something that i s-should spill?" you want to slap yourself for stammering in front of him.

• while he gave you his 'oh pls btch stop acting like you don't know anything at all'

• when he realized that you don't have any plans to answer his question

• "YAHHHH PARK WOO JIN"

• "see? daehwi is not like that," he said while crossing his arms in front of you.

• did park woo jin literally brought his face closer to the point that you two could kiss and thinking of it happened a few moments ago made your face red like a tomato.

• "daehwi's not minding it but you— who are you?"

• y/n's heart suddenly beats faster than normal, she wants to defend herself but no words would escape from her lips.

• "sweetie, don't be afraid it's just me park woo jin" he said smiling showing his snaggletooth.

• intimidated. that's what you're feeling right now. seeing him this close makes your heartbeat wild adding that he's interrogating you.

• you didn't have a choice it's now or never so you told woojin everything.

• at first he didn't believe it but when he challenged you to make simple sentences for lyrics he started to believe you.

• months past like that, woojin is there guiding you every time he sees that you prob gonna ruin smth

• y/n and woojin always spend time a lot together after rehearsals, practices, classes, gym, or even if you don't have anything scheduled for the day.

• you know him for being clingy with daehwi as you always watch their behind clips but damn having skinship with woojin really hits different

• it made your heart flutter every time he does it (but u only keep it to yourself)

• he kisses you sometimes on your cheek when you two are alone

• that's how park woo jin and y/n became close.

• today y/n is super hype bcs she saw the first snow

• woojin messaged you on kakao stating that he has a surprise so you two agreed to meet

• knowing him, maybe it's another prank or somehow something nice happen for him to celebrate it

• so you decided to wear daehwi's purple balenciaga sweater partnered with burberry coat and ofc his favorite dior bag that you can't forget to bring with

• you really like to dress up that's why you don't find it hard to style daehwi bcs daehwi already have a lot of designer clothes that made it easier for you

• before heading out, you sprayed daehwi's saint laurent perfume enjoying your personal favorite scent among his collection

• "y/n, you're late" woojin called as he waves at you.

• "i am not, you're just early" you rolled your eyes at him realizing that he wears his balenciaga pack again.

• others would find it weird but you call it 'pack' bcs his overall fashion is all balenciaga and it makes you roll your eyes more at him bcs you already know that he's freaking rich

• does he want to slap on my face that he could buy this entire house just for me to say that he's freaking rich? you thought.

• woojin pulled your wrist making you sit beside him

• it's not that you feel awkward with him, what's with the pulling and the intense gaze that he gives you right now

• y/n can't look straight at woojin bcs of her wildly beating heart.

• woojin held your chin so that you could have an eye to eye contact and when you two have—

• "woojin i—"

• "y/n i—"

• you both said at the same time.

• when you broke eye contact and decided to stand up woojin stop you but this time he held your hand.

• he stands up filling the gap between the two of you

• y/n stand there froze don't know what to do

• again woojin approach you, slowly, pulling you closer to him (tho there's not that much diff abt hwi and woojin's height)

• "i like you, y/n" he said while seriously looking into your eyes

• and like instructions that you follow to do, next thing you knew you found yourself closing your eyes waiting for his lips to touch with yours

• but you suddenly feel dizzy,

• then started to feel hot, mixed emotions.

• "y/n?" "y/n?"

• you open your eyes finding yourself in front of your monitor having online classes

• "y/n, show us your talent now"

• you don't know what to feel, felt crying bcs finally you are now back with your original body, happy bcs woojin confessed to you a while ago, sad bcs you can't see and bond with them now, and there's a big question mark on why and how you returned in the time of your online classes.

[keen2meecha]

Novel Prep Tag!!

Shout out to @magic-is-something-we-create for tagging me in this!!! :D I’m doing it for Happy Endings, my NaNo project last year that I’m hoping to finish this July Camp NaNo! Enjoy!!

First Look

1. Describe your novel in 1-2 sentences

On the verge of graduating high school, a teen girl with a four-month gap in her memory moves in with the most mysterious boy in school and his uncle; but when she discovers that they and the rest of their foster family are hiding a dangerous secret, she must confront her fear of commitment or risk losing her newfound family forever.

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be?

It should be just over 100k, since I got exactly halfway done during NaNo last year

3. What’s your novel’s aesthetic?

Oh geez I'm not good at these y'all. But like. That uncomfortable feeling when it's too quiet and so you try and talk or sing to fill that silence but it just makes it worse because all you can hear is your own voice and as soon as you stop there's even more silence and all you've done is remind yourself that you're alone; that stinging, warm feeling when someone says something about you and you realize just how well they know you; when you’re camping and you wake up and the sun has just risen and everything is warm and awash with golden light and the world is peaceful; making someone laugh for the first time; having a headache but being too busy to really notice or do anything about it

4. What other stories have inspired your novel?

Teen Wolf, the Bloodlines series by Richelle Mead (if you haven't read it, you should consider it, it's very good!), Fruits Basket

5. Three images that get the feel of your novel

How about three hints at important events in the form of emojis? ❄️🦂🍼

Main Characters

6. Who is your protagonist?

Melissa Adams! She's a bicon who's extremely good with her hands and even better at reading people. She is also, and I say this with all the love I have in my heart, a complete and utter dumbass. Oh, and she got kidnapped shortly after her parents died and turned up at the edge of the city limits without any memories of those four months she was missing. She's not too worried about it, though.

7. Who is their closest ally?

She's got quite a few of them! Her best friends, Fern Beaumont and Holly Song. The people she starts living with - Ace Argyris the uncle, Virgil Argyris the popular quiet boy, and Eden not-Argyris the girl who doesn't really seem to fit anywhere - certainly grow closer to her over the course of the story. But I'd say probably her cousin Jared, once he shows up in the story, becomes her closest ally because he wants to help her, not just protect her.

8. Who is their enemy?

Marceline, the shadow-y matriarch of the Argyris family. Oh, and also these people who seem to have an intense grudge against the Argyris family and seem to know Melissa, even though she could swear she's never seen any of them before...

9. What do they want more than anything?

Unrealistically? To see her parents again. Realistically? To graduate high school already so that she can build her own house in the woods, live off the land as much as possible, and not have to be around people anymore.

10. Why can’t they have it?

For the former, because they're very very dead. For the latter, she's only a junior and also everyone in her life seems determined to sabotage her dream to be on her own

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

That she doesn't need people - or, more accurately, that she's just fine on her own.

12. Draw your character

I don't have a drawing, unfortunately, but I do have a rough picrew that is entirely subject to change:

13. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?

Probably losing another family! It's why she has such trouble getting close to people after everything that happened - it was so horrible the first time around, she doesn't know how she would survive if it happened again. Better to be on your own than to get hurt again.

Plot Points

14. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

Well, you see, Melissa's got this four-month gap in her memory. And she's not too bothered by it, but there are these people threatening her friends who seem to somehow be involved, so it's probably best to get that figured out. The headaches are getting annoying too.

15. Do you know how it ends?

I know how both the book and the series ends! The endings of both are actually one of the first things I wrote haha

16. What is the theme?

"If we want the rewards of being loved, we must submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known." No, seriously. This is one of the few stories I decided on the theme of early on, and it was exactly this.

17. What is a recurring symbol?

Not a symbol - I’m not completely sure what they’ll be yet - but headaches are subtle but important. Clothes are also vaguely used to symbolize Melissa's state of mind.

18. Where is the story set?

A fictional forest in Colorado! I ranted talked in this post if you wanna know more!

19. Do you have images and scenes in mind already?

I have half the book written already, plus a few random future scenes. It's also fully outlined, so I at least generally know what happens

20. What excited you about this story?

The amnesia plot, which is a pretty new thing for me and is really fun to write and foreshadow and whatnot, and the setting! Silverwood, both the city and the forest, have absolutely captured my imagination, and it's really hard to keep it from becoming some kind of weird utopia haha, and the plot! It just feels really interesting and fun to think about, at risk of sounding full of myself, and I can't wait to share more with people!

21. What is your usual writing method? Unrealistically? To see her parents again. Realistically? To graduate high school already so that she can build her own house in the woods, live off the land as much as possible, and not have to be around people anymore.

So, usually it's what I said in this post - although with this particular project, since it was my first NaNo project that I actually waited until November to start, I skipped from step two straight to step eight, more or less. This is actually the wip that got me into outlining, which was an immense but helpful change to my usual process!

And there you go! My project once I finish gifted or July comes, whichever happens first!! I’m very excited!

I’m tagging all of the people who were interested, so! @summersromance, @literary-lavender, @magic-is-something-we-create, @magicalwriting, @linariouswrites, @ahowlinwolf, @rhiannonleewriting, @cilly-the-writer, @aelenko, @paula-writes, @quenvicky, @me-between-the-lines, @writingonesdreams, @acaptainandhisrunaway, @megnrdyfreakx3​, and @kai-is-writing​ - have fun y’all, I can’t wait to see what y’all got!!

[a-cai-jpg]

I feel like this is to assure myself and no one else.

It has recently come to my attention that real people actually read this blog. 

That sounds a little stupid, given that I religiously advertise it on both Snapchat and Instagram, but there was a part of me that assumed it would fly over the heads of most (see: all) people. And it's inherently contradictory, but I did not think a Real Person would take time out of their lives to read my utterly irrelevant musings.

I am terribly grateful to my friends and then some for deeming me important enough to click into this site. I am thankful for their validation when they don't just do it silently, lurking amidst the sans serif. One quoted my own words back at me in ALL CAPS, another sent me a video zooming in on my disgruntled face on the sidebar, and more mention it casually in passing conversation, jolting me into the reality that yes, this is A Thing.

But as I laid in bed and typed up the post two days ago, I'm suddenly reminded of why I rarely made my writing public.

I sound like an ungrateful little shit, and I'm truly happy whenever someone mentions The Thing (i just don't like the word blog), and I want to share The Thing with the world because it's a little scary thinking about how all your time and effort and words and emotion could be lost somewhere in the void, like an unread letter that's wandered off the post-trail, but.

Writing digs into the most vulnerable flesh of your heart and mind. I recently saw a quote, "We are writers, my love. We don't cry, We bleed on paper." And there are variations of this quote from others: "I don't think all writers are sad. I think it's the other way around: all sad people write;" "I didn't write it down to build a poem. I wrote it down because that is what I do with the things that unravel me. I drag them across a page."

I don't mean for this to take a maudlin turn, but writing is a salve for aches in the soul. I'm by no means a writer, but I like to think I write (s/o to my soulmate, jackson wang, who said, "i'm not a rapper...i just rap). And sometimes, sharing what I've "dragged across the page" is turning my skin inside out.

I'm definitely more comfortable with sharing my vulnerability through words on a sheet of paper (or words on a WordPad document) than through words spoken to another Real Person. 

In my junior year of high school, I sat in a hotel room in Sacramento with words stuck behind my clenched teeth. It was the most peculiar feeling, like if I loosened my jaw, I would vomit the words from my chest and they would tumble off the bedsheets and onto the floor, staining the hotel carpet. But the tension never snapped, and I scrawled them onto a torn sheet of paper instead.

Even now, I express the deepest parts of my emotions through letters. I think a large part of it is because I don't want to see the emotions unfold on someone's face. It's not that I don't want to see them, but I don't think I--this emotionally constipated individual--am capable of responding to them in a way that's not, "Uh. Yeah. Okay. Lol bye." And I feel like that's just not appropriate or sufficient in some circumstances. Better to just avoid the potentially awkward situation.

(yes this is not the most mature way to deal with emotions but spare me the lecture.)

And so, when I am writing, and not saying words at someone's face, I pull out the most intimate intricacies of my heart and twist them into phrases and sentences. And I like to do it without a filter.

But when I was writing these past few days, I was conscious of an audience. I began crafting sentences through the lens of what would this specific person think of this and oh my god what if this person reads this and fuck it ok just kidding we can't just fuck it sos. It was a dangerous balance between editing and re-editing and declaring, "Fuck the world, I write for me, and I'm going to write recklessly and with abandon."

This the main crux of the problem: there is me, the person that you know and talk to and maybe have grown up with, and then there is me, the person who spits words out onto The Thing. And sometimes the two me's mesh perfectly like a pattern overlaid on another to produce an image, and sometimes they don't. 

It's kind of like when you go clubbing with a childhood friend for the first time, and you've only known them as the youth group-going, favorite child of all Asian parents, and then y'all are in the club and damn okay they just took seven shots in a row. 

(I'm not speaking from personal experience.)

There is a moment of reckoning when you try to reconcile two facets of a person.

(Or maybe this is a me problem, but bear with me here.)

A few months ago, I took a trip with two of my closest friends to San Diego, to visit the college town where one of them spent four incredibly formative years. It was fun and beautiful and very, very disorienting, because in my egocentric point of view, I had forgotten that we lived these four years separately. Suddenly, he was introducing to me a different life, a different history that I wasn't part of, and I couldn't help but feel like I was sitting in the passenger seat of a stranger's car, listening to a crude imitation of a familiar playlist.

The feeling began somewhere on the 5 freeway, when he navigated the unfamiliar lanes with a practiced ease, and swelled as the sun set and he told stories about Mount Soledad and him and his friends.

And it was weird, because I felt like an intruder, even though I had been invited into his memories, and the unease took shape as silence and stilted words until he asked, "Are you okay? You seem weird." And the feeling was spilling onto the back of my hands as I gripped the skirt of my dress, but I couldn't beat it into words, so I unclenched my fists and fastened my seatbelt and choked out a, "Nah, I'm just tired."

I think I'm still in the process of working through this reckoning. It doesn't happen for all of my friends, and it's not always so discomforting. Sometimes, I scroll through Instagram pages with a sort of curious hunger to fill the years I’ve missed, and other times, I take the new information, file it as: Yeah okay, I could've predicted that. But then, there are the times where I can only search someone's face in silence, lump in my throat as I rewind our histories and try to find where one of them snagged and became out of sync.

The different facets of the self should, all in all, unveil the most authentic self. The more you get to know a person, the more you really know a person. I imagine it like you're building a three-dimensional sculpture, and with each new piece of information, you add another bit of plaster to it. Yet, I sometimes lose sight of what I'm trying to build, and when I see the blueprint again, I realize I've veered wildly off course. It's scary, every time I run into a moment like this, because it's like the person I knew, the friend I've had for a decade, was actually just someone I created in my mind, a person who overlapped at the edges with the Real Person, but ultimately, were not the same. And when the illusion disappears, I'm left with a stranger.

I'm exaggerating, but.

I'm a little scared this is what you will feel as you read this. I'm scared there will be no separation between the writer and the writing, and although writing reveals the deepest, most intimate parts of a person, is it really the authentic self? It's only a slice, a slice I had cut with carefully chosen words.

So I want to assure you, if you are someone like me who thinks they view the world on a wide-angle lens but really, only through a slit, and you are someone like me who reels when the cover is yanked away and you're left staggering through the new vista, that every sentence is a part of me, but who you know and who you talk to and who you message is a larger piece of me. And maybe we will never get to know each other fully, because that kind of privilege is saved for but a few, that doesn't make either of us any less authentic.

I sometimes wonder what character development looks like in the real world. When I was a sophomore in high school, I cringed so hard when my favorite English teacher tried to use my essay as an example in class that he almost immediately pulled it out from underneath the Elmo projector and used someone else's. In freshman year of college, I wanted to join a creative writing club, but after realizing that I wouldn't be able to submit my work for peer-editing anonymously, I banished that notion. Yet, for some reason, in my senior year, I decided I wanted to take a fiction writing course. On the day of my first workshop, my hands shook so much that I had to sit on them to stop trembling.

In the beginning of the class, I, myself, had a very difficult time separating the writing from the writer. I think especially in an intro class, students use facets of their own life to create fiction. I think even advanced writers do the same, because ultimately everything you write is you. And I did my fair share of speculation--why did she write about a sibling rivalry does she have a sister, hey did this guy study abroad in hong kong with you because he wrote about that, and huh i wonder if she grew up in florida this is beautiful.

It's the kind of speculation we do with the Greats. Did Shakespeare write Hamlet for his son, Hamnet? Who was Sonnet 18 written for? Was Shakespeare gay? Because see, in this one bit, he wrote.....

(i was a very bored AP lit student ok)

It's the same kind of speculation my friend did when she finished listening to a new song by Crush and said, "Oh, he must be dating." Or the speculation all the YouTube comments had when Jon Cozart and Dodie Clark released duo songs titled "Tourist: A Love Song from Paris" and "a non love song from nashville." It's the kind of speculation you do when you are given a slice of someone's soul, and suddenly, you want to understand the whole thing.

But that kind of scrutiny is uncomfortable. We're okay with doing it to Shakespeare, because the dude's dead. We're okay with doing it to big name artists because hello, Crush is not going to hear my friend talking about him. We're less okay with doing it in the public realm of YouTube comments because they are read by the content creators who explicitly said, "pls don't speculate." We are even less okay with doing it to our peers, and we are not okay with other people doing it to us. Okay, maybe I should just speak for myself.

My trajectory in that fiction writing class was backward. My first story was about a white male living in New Jersey. My last story was about a Chinese American woman who used to live in the suburbs of Los Angeles.

It wasn't planned.

It's as if my subconsciousness drew up barriers the minute I stepped into that classroom, and wrote a story as far removed from who I am as possible. 

Because really, who is going to think that the gas jockey with a hunger for divine power is me?

(sike.)

But I guess character development is becoming okay with vulnerability and with potential speculation, and as I wrote, I began writing closer and closer to the heart, pulling the words from the east coast to the west.

When the last workshop rolled around, I was calm, sitting at one of those awful, plasticky chairs with tiny, useless desks attached to one arm. I was neither defensive nor uncomfortable, like I thought I would be, just at peace and humbled as I listened to my classmates discuss the craft of my writing.

And I think that's the ultimate lesson: once you write something, or create something, and release out into the wild, it no longer belongs to you. It's an argument I used to make in my art history class, but it's an argument that John Green often makes when his readers ask him about the meaning behind his books.

I don't quite mean it like he does, when he says, "Books belong to their readers." I think that before the writing is consumed by the reader, it is its own entity, existing independently of both writers and readers. And when it is eventually taken up by the reader, the writer shouldn't feel a sense of possessiveness or vulnerability or fear about the content.

And shit, that really fucks up my other thing about trees falling in forests but anyways.

There are a load of other things I have to consider when suddenly, the dumb spools of thoughts in my brain become free content for the Internet. Like, privacy rights? Am I allowed to talk about this one thing my unnamed friend said, but wait, you can definitely tell who it is, oh fuuuuuu-. At what point is it oversharing? Do I get to decide the line between okay and TMI, or does me declaring that I am writing this for myself mean there is no line?

But, in the end, I just want to say thank you.

I’m really used to, as I’m sure many people are, presenting just one facet of my whole self to people. Every individual has a number of different roles, and each role comes with its own set of rules and norms. The sociological part of me says that this discomfort I’m feeling has a lot to do with the breaking down of norms. There is a certain playbook people go by when they lower their barriers, but this circumvents that.

And honestly, maybe I’m just thinking too much into it and all of this is for naught, but it was cathartic writing this all out, even if I had to take two very lengthy breaks to get my thoughts in order.

(just kidding, one of them was to watch Kingdom season 1).

There are so many things I am grateful for, and I fear that in the past week, I have been battling bad vibes and have forgotten how incredibly privileged I am.

So, here is List 16 of The 52 List Project (that my friend made me start legit in 2016 and I'm still on list 17)

List 16: List your Essentials 1. Family & Friends ✔ 2. Affirmation & Love ✔ 3. Achievement ✔ 4. Happiness ✔ 5. Hope & Dreams ✔ 6. Phone ✔ 7. ID/Card holder ✔ 8. Plush blankets ✔ 9. Stuffed animals ✔ (so many!) 10. Inspiration from a boy on skates ✔ (see: hope & legacy) 11. Good music ✔ (i gotchu fam, here's ur r&b fix) 12. Good books ✔ (go check out a book)  13. Good conversations ✔ 14. Thoughts ✔ 15. Creativity ✔ 16. Music ✔ 17. Possibilities ✔

[artificialqueens]

“Fuck it” – my final thought before making most decisions. (Branjie) - Dexx-ss

A/N: Hi, hello, how are ya? I’m back from the dead :P Here is my little baby!! I LOVED writing this SO MUCH! Feel free to leave some feedback and also some ship/song recs for some future fics ;) Hope y'all enjoy! -xx 

Come to me In the night hours I will wait for you

They are broken up. Have been for almost a year. But it would be a lie if either of them would say they haven’t thought about getting back together. And to be honest, after those late-night gigs with too much tequila and other unknown alcohol in Vanessas and Brookes blood makes them end up in each other’s rooms. But only in the morning to be woken up to an empty bed.

When the hookups first happened. They ended up fighting the next morning.

-x-

“Brock, you can’t do this?”

“What am I doing?”

“Flirt with me and then in the next moment flirt whatever living thing comes your way.”

“Well, fuck, Jose. Maybe you should stop fucking controlling my life.”

“Maybe you should stop fucking everything so you don’t catch anything and MAYBE then I will.”

“Oh, fuck you!”

“Fuck you!”, door slams.

-x-

The fights were usually nonsense and often even about the smallest of things. For example the color red.

-x-

“Red is my color”

“So does that mean I can’t wear it?”

“No I didn- stop being so fucking defensive”

“I’m. me defensive? Have you met yourself?”

“What’s that supposed to mean??”

-x-

So now, they are both smarter. And in the morning after their hookups, they wake up to an empty bed. They have made three unspoken rules. The first rule is that you have to be gone the next morning. And so far they have both been smart enough to follow it.

The second one is that they never leave the gig together(unless it’s with a really big group) so fans wouldn’t really suspect anything. After yet another gig. Brooke makes it to his hotel room. And starts dedraging. Although he knows tonight Vanessa won’t show up at his room, cause he went out with Silky and A’keria, he still waits. He hopes that maybe he will come knocking on his door. He waits and thinks back to all the moments when they were happy.

He misses waking up to morning kisses from Jose.

He misses even their dumb little fights.

He misses the sight of Vanjie sitting with Henry and Apollo smiling at him.

He misses him.

But he is too afraid to admit it.

And I can’t sleep ‘Cause thoughts devour Thoughts of you consume

The room is dark. Brooke is just laying on his bed eyes wide open staring at the ceiling.  There are some sirens in the distance. Brock closes his eyes but all he sees is Vanessa. So he opens them. Closes them to only again be met with a mental image of Vanessa. He keeps his eyes closed and smiles into nothingness thinking about Jose. “Fuck,” he says into the darkness when he realizes that now all he can think about is Jose. He can’t imagine his future without him. No matter how hard he tries. Jose is always there. Always.

He imagines a cute house in the suburbs. He imagines pets lurking around the house. Imagines a kid or two. Imagines his husband. It’s not just any husband- it’s Jose.

It doesn’t matter how many different scenarios he comes up with he is always by Brocks side.

Brooke turns himself around and grabs his phone looking at the time. It’s 4 AM. Luckily they have a day off tomorrow so he can sleep in. Well, right now he can’t sleep at all because one tiny Puerto Rican man has stamped himself in his thoughts. Brooke puts his phone down and decides he’s gonna break the third unspoken rule.

-x-

“Have you told Silky? A’keria?”

“No. Have you told Nina?”

“No. And Courtney doesn’t know either”

“I think it’s for the better right now,”

“Yeah.”

-x-

They decided not to tell their friends. It’s not like they are lying but no one has really asked. Silky and A’keria haven’t asked because they know how it makes Vanessa feel like someone pushed a knife into his stomach and is now slowly turning it. And Nina doesn’t ask because he knows Brock doesn’t want to talk about it.

Brooke gets up from the bed and walks out of his room. He walks to Nina’s door and knocks. The realization that it’s fuckin 4 AM and Nina is most likely sleeping comes to Brook after he has been standing behind that door for 10 minutes. He knocks one last time and because he can hear a familiar voice, Jose’s voice, he quickly starts walking back to his room. He makes his way to the bedroom door and he can’t fucking open it. Jose getting closer and closer. He panics but finally, the keycard decides to work again but it’s too late. “Brock?” Jose says. Brooke just looks on the ground and slowly looks back up. He’s not alone. There is someone next to him. So Brooke decides not to say anything and when his door finally opens he just slips in there. He hears Jose call for him before the door closes.

He can’t feel jealous.

V is a grown man.

He shouldn’t feel jealous.

And he can fuck whoever he wants.

It’s not fair.

He feels tears in his eyes.

He feels angry. Jealous. Sad.

There’s a knock on the door. Brock looks at the door and he knows that there is Jose behind it but he doesn’t wanna open it. But he still opens it. He doesn’t make eye contact with Vanessa who’s standing before him. They just stand there. Brock not looking at Jose and Jose not saying anything. Another tear falls. “Look at me,” Vanessa says. His voice sounds soft but angry. Brooke looks at him. Also angry. They both look angry. Vanessa grabs Brookes face. And Brock can’t help but kiss him.

Stay with me A little longer I will wait for you

Jose pulls back from that kiss. “Brock,” he takes a few steps back “I can- You can’t do that and I can’t deal with all this. I- Fuck- Forget it!” Jose brushes his hand through his hair and turns around. “I’ll see you in the morning,” Vanjie says as he walks away. Brooke just stands there. In the doorway. Watching him leave. “Wait,” he finally says something “Come inside let’s just talk, okay.”. Vanessa just nods.  

Talking isn’t something neither of them is good at. Mostly because Brooke has difficulty expressing himself and often seems bitchy. And Vanessa starts to boil easily which makes having a calm conversation with him mildly difficult.

At first, they just sit there in silence. Vanessa on Brookes bed and Brooke in an armchair next to the window. They haven’t talked like this in such a long time. It’s mostly just fucking and gossiping about people or sometimes they watch a movie or two. But just talking about THEM. No. Nope. Mkm. Mostly because they are scared that they will say something that they can’t take back.

Brooke stands up and sits next to Vanjie. Taking his hand and lacing their fingers. “I just-” Brock starts but is cut off. “Don’t say anything for a minute now,” Jose says sitting so he can look at the Canadian but still keeping their hands together. “See we want different things from this. Have wanted since day one,” he lets out a sigh

-x-

“We can’t go on like this,” Brock says calmly after yelling at each other for few minutes.

“What?”

“You can’t get jealous every time I flirt with someone in the crowd,”

Vaness huffs “Yes I can!”

“Don’t you see how fucking toxic that is, Jose?”

“No, what is toxic is the fact that you say you love me and then go out and act like I don’t fucking exist!”

“You can’t put me in a box”

Vanessa is beaming with anger while Brooke is relatively calm.

“Hoe, you are in a RELATIONSHIP!”

Fair point. “Well, if that’s how it’s like I don’t think I should be,”

-x-

“What you want is someone you know you can go to when you have needs. Someone who would hug you, kiss you, fuck you without a second thought. And I am easily that person. Fuck. Mostly because I have no self-control. But secondly, because I love you. And I can’t help myself.”. Now Jose let go of Brookes’ hand and stood up. Brock started to say something but Vanessa raised his hand to shush him. “I am so easily that person that I will send home any trade that I could fuck. Why? Well, cause I’m a fucking mess-”, “What do you want then?” Brock finally cut him off. Jose looked at him and then at the ceiling so his tears wouldn’t fall. “How do you not fucking get it? I want you, you fucking asshole.”,

“But you have me,”,

“No, what I have is a fucking sex toy,”

Brooke didn’t really know what to say to that. He just looked out of the window. “This stops now!” Jose says once more before leaving Brocks room. But he wishes he wouldn’t leave. He wants him to stay. Just a little longer. So he could say what’s in his heart. But maybe that’s for the better.

Shadows creep And want grows stronger Deeper than the truth

It has been a few months now. Luckily. Or sadly. They haven’t seen each other for quite some time. Brooke has truly been trying to not think about it. About them. About him. But he can’t help it. The thoughts of the tiny Puerto Rican creep up every day. Most nights Brock can’t sleep so he sits in his hotel balcony or wherever and listens to the sound of the city and wonders what Jose is doing. He scrolls through his Instagram tags and often sees V there. He looks happy. He sees few older posts of them on drag race and touring together. He misses him. And fucking random people hasn’t really helped him either but only made him miss Jose more. He doesn’t want anyone but him. He decides he will drink his sorrows away. As he is getting ready to leave the room he gets a phone call from Nina.

“Hey, Brooke Lynn!”

“Hi Andrew, what’s up?”

“So I heard that we be in the same town and wanted to know if you want to go out for a drink?”

He’s a fucking angel.

“Yes! Yes please!”

They meet up at a bar quite close to Brookes’ hotel. They drink and chat about their gigs and upcoming tours. Nina knows Brooke for quite some time so he immediately notices that Brooke is acting a little different.

For example, every time they go out for drinks they jokingly search for trades that later they gonna “take home” but not this time. Secondly, Brock is always flirty with the barmen and with cute fans who notice them. But not tonight. Tonight he is just being friendly.

“Are you seeing someone,” Nina finally asks. “Me?”, “No, not you, that one dude who just passed us, figured I only live once so I’d make a move. Yeah, you!” Nina said sarcastically. “No,” Brock said with a surprised look “why?”. “Well you acting different, does it maybe has something to do with Vanjie?”, “Wha- Nin- What do you mean?”. Nina let out a laugh “I might be a little childish but I’m definitely not a child.”. B just shot a puzzled look his way. “I know you two been fucking,”, “What the h- how?”. Nina raised his brows “You seriously asking me that?” Brooke just nodded “Well firstly it’s funny how he was sick and then you got sick quickly afterward”, “But that’s a huge ass assumption”, “Also our hotel rooms were often on the same floor and sometimes you were quite loud,” Nina said with a laugh. Brooke turned into a full tomato but the redness with a slight smile was as quick to fade as it was to come. “Not to burst your little bubble but we haven’t, for a few months now.”. Nina took Brookes hand and gave him the wanna talk about it look. Brooke just nodded.

-x-

“We have been fighting a little,”

Brooke gave Nina a look.

“What’s with your face?”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“I don-”

“Yes you do, we gonna go to 7/11 pick up some ice-cream eat it and you are gonna pour your fucking heart out”

“Okay,” Nina said with a smile cause he knew there was no arguing with Brooke.

Since that night every time they gave each other that look. They get up. Get some ice cream. And just talk.

-x-

So they got up went to first 7/11 got themselves some ice cream and headed to Brookes’ hotel. All this way they talked about anything than that. But as soon as they got to the hotel room Nina sat on the bed with the ice cream “Spill it,” he said excitedly. But before Brooke could say anything he burst into tears. “I miss him so fucking much, Nina,” he said taking a seat on the bed while wiping his tears away. “Like I can’t stop thinking about him,” he continued.

Brock gave a quick overview of everything since they officially broke up. “You know I love you Brock, but you need to make up your mind,” Nina finally said, “Do you want him or do you just need to move on.”.

Silence.

Brooke just looked into nothingness.

Minute went by.

Two minutes.

Five.

Ten.

“I want him!”

I can’t help but love you Even though I try not to I can’t help but want you I know that I’d die without you

To get Jose back, Brock knew he had to do something crazy romantic. Something out of a movie or a book. Something insane. But something she wouldn’t suspect. So when the idea popped into his head he decided to call Nina. “It’s like 3 am, is everything okay?” Nina’s sleepy voice answered the phone. “I’m gonna propose,” Brooke said excitedly.

“Okay, you have completely lost your mind now,”

“No, I haven’t. I-”

“You can’t ask a person to marry you if ya even aren’t together, that’s CRAZY!”

“Well obviously I’m gonna get back together with him and then ask, but do you even wanna hear my idea or you gonna keep telling me how crazy I am?”

Brock talked, Andrew listened. He told him how it’s going to be everything that Jose would want in a proposal. It’s going to involve everything that he loves in life, from his favorite flower to his favorite people. How it’s gonna be intimate. It was crazy but romantic, crazy but sweet, CRAZY  but if it wasn’t mentioned before it was completely crazy.

“I have to give it to you, that’s quite clever BUT it’s still completely insane Brock”

“I know, but,”

“Honey, baby steps. Do I think you and Jose will get back together? Yeah, sure, cause I ship y’all to the moon and back, but marriage is something else. Maybe he eve-’

”Nina! Love you but now if you’ll excuse me I have a man to win over.”

He knew Andrew was right but right now he was too high on excitement to care.

He had a perfect date for them planned to win Jose back. Although Jose didn’t really know it was gonna be a date. They will have some ice creams and walk around the park-like they are fifteen. Then they were gonna go on a boat ride because of “Notebook”.  And then Brooke will pour her heart out.

Everything was perfect.

Except for the fact

that

Vanessa

did

not

know

it

was

a

date.

Brooke was waiting for Vanjie and at the same time was nervously texting Nina. “Brooke Lynn” someone suddenly said. It was no other than the most gorgeous Purto Rican man Brock has ever seen. They hugged and said hi and then it all started to fall apart. “So I hope ya ain’t mad cause I asked Monét to tag along,” Jose said. Brooke took his eyes off Vanjie now and saw Monét walking towards them smiling. “Hi,” Kevin waved at them “Vanjie you ran away so fast I was scared you gonna ditch me.”. Vanjie just laughed. Brooke tried her best to not act cold because her plans were now a little messed up. For a second he thought about texting Nina and asking him to deal with Monét but he felt wrong doing that. Instead, they decided collectively to go drinking at a bar. Which clearly was a mistake. Because drunk Branjie will end up fucking each other. And Brooke knew that yet he kept buying those god damn tequila shots.

Most of the night Brooke just stared at Vanessa. Like he was the only person in that bar. Monét was quick to notice that. Not that it was hard to miss because most of the time when Monét tried to have a conversation with B, he was too distracted looking at V. At some point, Jose went to the bathroom and Monét didn’t wait a second. “Oh my god you are so in love with him,” he said placing his drink on the table with a loud bang. Brock just looked at him confused “I- Wha- well,” he didn’t know what to say really. “That’s why you were so disappointed seeing me because you wanted some alone time, why didn’t you just say so?” Mont went on and Brock just shrugged. “I did not- but like, what if he doesn’t want me back, ”, “If you don’t ask you’ll never find out tho,” Brooke just smiled and nodded. Monét asked a few more questions about what was Brookes plan and so. “Aww you aren’t just a stonecold bitch,” Kevin said “You kinda romantic too.”, “Who romantic?” Vanjies voice echoed. He had made his way back to the table. “Nobody,” Monét said with quickly “so umm turns out I have a thing and hate to leave y’all but gotta go.” he continued. Vanessa looked confused while hugging him goodbye. Monét gave Brock a wink and waved them goodbye.

I can’t help but be wrong in the dark 'Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts I can’t help but want oceans to part 'Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts

Now it was just the two of them. And now Brock felt hella nervous. “Shots?” he asked not waiting for Jose to answer and already making his way to the bar. He knew this was a bad idea. Yet still.

They drank those shots.

Went dancing.

Took more shots.

Danced.

Shots.

Dancing.

And then V tapped out. “Okay, I’m not gonna have any more,” he said softly. “PUSSY,” Brock said to Jose. It clearly took him by surprise. “And I think you shouldn’t too,” he said with a laugh. “I’m so, so sorrry,” Brooke slurred out. Taking Jose’s face on his hands. “You beautiful,” he said looking into Vanessas eyes. “Okay,” Vanessa said shaking his head and removing Brookes’ hands “We gonna go now,”. They walked out of the club. Well, you really couldn’t call it that because Brooke was bearly standing up.

Brock woke up to a killer headache. And a warm body next to him. The last thing he remembers is Monét leaving him and Jose alone. And that’s it. Shit. He didn’t want to open his eyes because he was afraid of who is next to him. “You still snore like a fucking moose,” a raspy voice said. A familiar voice. Jose’s voice. Brooke immediately opened his eyes now and quickly sat up. Ignoring the killer pain in his head. Jose also sat up. “You alright?” he asked looking around confused. Brooke looked at Vanessa “I can’t remember shit,” B said with horror in his eyes. “Well, Mary, that’s why you need to stop drinking at some point,” Vanjie said with a laugh. But Brock didn’t find it funny at all. Vanessa grabbed his chin and made Brooke look at him. “Basically, you asked me to marry you,” Brookes’ eyes widened and his mouth fell open “and I said no-”, ”I did what! I’m sorry,”, ”-t yet. Bitch, you gotta lemme finish!” Vanjie said and B just gave him even more confused look. “And then you started all apologizing and crying and we agreed to finish the conversation in the morning,” V said smiling. Brooke hid his face in his hands. “Sorry,” he said “but I’m still insanely in love with you. I miss you. And I don’t wanna be with anyone else but you.” Brock said. “Okay, but how can I be sure that this time I don’t put you in a box?” V said mockingly.

“I don’t know,”

“How can I be sure that you don’t start flirting with everyone while you haven’t seen me in a while?”

“Well you ca- Jesus, Jose, I literally asked you to marry me yesterday,” Brooke said softly.

“Yeah but-”

“I know how hard the breakup was and I didn’t mean to hurt you, that’s why we ended it so early.”

“Oh, you didn’t mean to hurt me? Cool. Cool. But ya know what, Mary? It still fucking hurts.” Jose said surprisingly softly.

“I’m so sorry,” Brooke said because that’s all he could really say. Silence fell. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes.

“I want to be with you, hell even marry you,” Jose said, “But not now.”.

Those were his last words because then he got up and took his things and walked out. Leaving Brooke on the bed. Not now? NOT NOW? Bitch! When then. Brooke also got up from the bed and quickly threw on some sweats and ran after Vanessa.

-x-

“So, what is a romantic act then?”

“Well, for example, the simplest one- going after the one you love”

Brock raised his eyebrows “For me, that sounds like just being needy,”

-x-

When Brooke got down the stairs he could spot Vanessa immediately. He was outside waiting for his ride probably. “HEY,” Brooke said kinda angrily making Jose jump “don’t you dare leave me!”. Brock got to him and pulled him into a kiss. It didn’t feel like just a kiss. It felt more than that. It felt like a promise. When they broke that kiss up Jose just smiled “Look who’s being needy,”, “It’s called being romantic, bitch”.

[kxronin]

Week 13 a short story

Here is part 1 to a short story I am writing

        “TOBY,JOHN lets go! And why do you walk so slow Sarah?” I  said

 “Maybe you should slow down” Toby grumbled.

 “We dont all walk as fast as you do!” Sara remarked. 

          Toby is a big grumbler in other words he grumbles a lot but he can be a very hard worker.. when he puts his mind to it. He is a few months younger than me but he's 15 years old. We've known each other since we were born we grew up the same neighborhood and he has even lived with me for a couple of years.. and we also have been going to the same school. John the oldest one in our family / friend but more like family group is the oldest of all of us he 17 and next month he'll be 18. He's strong and dependable and not scared to do anything. He's also very kind and the reason I know him is because I like his sister Sarah. Well I've known her since we were 5 years old ,we're the same age, and we went to the same elementary School and then moved to the same middle and now we're currently going to the same high School. She is super smart and she's not afraid to stand up for what is right. If there is a kid being bullied at school she's the first one to step in to defend… NO MATTER who it's up against!  By that point usually her older brother sees it and then that's when it all calms down. However there have been a few instances where she had to get down and dirty and fight the person. She can definitely hold her own against most of the guys,even some of the older guys won't mess with kids while she's around. And I guess I should probably introduce myself my name is ATou and I'm 16. I personally don't like talking about myself because I think it's kind of a showboat, so I just repeat what other people think about me: " I'm extremely kind,I'm smart, I'm likable, I play well with others , not afraid to say what the right thing is, I like protecting others, I'm extremely energetic and ready to go the next thing." And that is just about it.

    

       "How far away are we" Toby grumbled again. While Sarah is asking John to carry her on his back. "It's not that far!" I exclaimed."it's just over this hill." As we came down the hill there was this weird Stone gate just sitting in the woods. 

"I found it yesterday while tracking a deer that I shot." I said "We're about 3 miles in the northwestern woods… WHY were you all the way out here! " John asked 

" Well I was running after it the whole time until it came up the hill we just came up.After I got to the top and look down I couldn't see it ,I was right behind it the whole time but all I could see was this weird gate." I replied 

"You drag us all the way out here just to show us a weird-looking stone gate that  doesn't even have a fence connected to it with some crazy writing on it!" Tobe exasperatedly exclaimed.

"There's writing on it?"Sarah asked curiously. 

" How about we just get closer and look at it!" John and I exclaimed simultaneously. 

With two big smiles ,a curious face ,and a begrudging one the four of us got inches away from the big Stone gate. After we looked at the writing ,all over it, for a long time we decided we pull out our phones and go to Google translate. After Google translate didn't work we went to Google images and took a few pictures to see if it would identify what it is or if someone else has seen it before… and it showed nothing.  

   " Well after walking all around it only one more thing to do... We Need To Walk Through It!" I said excitedly.

"What if it falls." Sarah said scarcely.

"we've been walking around and touching it this whole time if it would have fallen it would have done so by now." John said 

"OK, IM GOING FIRST!" I said. So I ran through and as soon as I passed through, I jumped and turned around and said "TADAAA". 

John said " I'll go next then" after he walk through he said "see nothing to worry about."after that Sarah said "okay fine my turn " and came bulldozing through and almost knocked me over. After explaining the benefits to walking through the gate to Toby he finally said "okay I will." See.. that wasn't so har..  !!!!CRACK!!!!!! WHAT WAS THAT!!Sarah Exclaimed 

me ,jumping back turning around and looking from the direction the noise came, there was a big crack in The stonegate that we just walk through . Just as I was about to say "look at the crack  ITS HUGE!"The stonegate crumbled to the floor.

"SEE I TOLD YOU IT WOULD FALL !!!! WHAT IF THAT HAPPENED WHILE WE WERE UNDER IT!!!!" SARAH SAID ANGRILY .

As John was saying that we should leave now I noticed something that is never true for the northwestern woods.

"Hey guys" I said "everybody be quiet what do you hear"

"Nothing" Toby said exasperatedly 

"Exactly "John piped up "northwestern woods are never quiet there is always birds chirping and rustling of the leaves."

"Yeah but do you think the big crack scared all the birds and animals quiet?" Sarah asked. 

"Yeah maybe but there's always a cool breeze that blows all the way through these woods year round." I said. "And it is just stagnant."

As soon as Toby was about to say something all of our phones started vibrating extremely aggressively. VVVVVVVVVVVT. VVVVVVVVT VVVVVVVVVVVT VVVVVVVVT VVVVVVVVVVVT "what is going on"  ask Sarah. As soon as she ask that Toby said "I don't feel so good" and collapsed to the floor after that John sat down and then fell to his side unconscious ,Sarah was falling and I caught her but before I had a chance to ask her what's wrong she was already out cold. When I laid her down on the floor I started to feel it , it was more like a headache painful and Sharp ,everything started to get fuzzy struggling to keep my eyes open I went down on to all fours. Our phones kept vibrating viciously then the wind started to blow and howell creating a vortex of leaves all around us. Struggling to see my phone's screen all I could make out was the word error error. That word and read on a black screen kept glitching to different parts of the screen and then finally it all went black.

…..wake up…. wake up!! … As I'm opening my eyes I get five fingers and a Palm worth of a punch to the gut. OOOOOOFFFF !!! "IM UP " I said gasping for breath. "I told you that would work " Sarah said. 

"Where are we" I said"why aren't we still in the forest and when did we get on this dirt road?" 

" I don't know" said John" I was the first one to wake up and this is where I woke up... we are all laying here"

"Where is here" Toby said in a still complaining voice. 

After discussing amongst ourselves for about 10 minutes we decided we'd start walking down the dirt road until we met someone. Where we were at was nowhere like the Northwest woods there are very few trees and it was rolling hills of flourishing green grass. After walking for what seemed like hours , there was finally a man in  a cart being pulled buy a WOLF the size of a horse! After seeing this we were all speechless. The man stopped because we waved him down but we didn't realize what was pulling the cart till I got close. That's when in my mind I realized we weren't on Earth anymore. The man asked us if we were okay but we didn't say anything until I spoke up asking where the nearest city was. 

"Your not from around here are you?" the man said.

"Not quite" John facetiously said 

"Well the closest town is about 10 hours away from here by foot. But I can take you on the cart if you would like it should only take around 5 hours. I'm headed that way anyways." the man said

So we all got on the cart and started riding. It was silent for the first few minutes and then we went to the back of the carriage and start talking amongst ourselves. We came to a conclusion that we weren't on Earth anymore but we had to find out more information about this new place that we are at. As were riding along we started a conversation with the man asking him about the place where at and where is the biggest city located. He told us that we obviously didn't know much but he was very kind and gave us all the information we needed to know. He told us about the two kingdoms the kingdom that we are in now it's called the zodiac kingdom and have States for each one of the zodiac signs. At the center of all the zodiac States there is what they call the zodiac King which is the capital of the whole nation. The other kingdom is the kaido's kingdom. The kaido's kingdom and the zodiac kingdom are currently at war with each other, and all the outer zodiac States are a complete war zone.he told us that the state that were in are one of the inner four zodiac States closest to the Capitol. And the town that we are going to is the closest town to the capital. It's starting to get dark now and the man turns to Sarah and asks if she can pass him a lamp. She hands him a lamp and then something crazy happened. He opens the lamp door ,snaps his finger and a flame appears on his finger tip and precedes to light the lamp. With all of our mouths to the bottom of the carriage gazing at what just happened he turned and looked at us with a confused look on his face and said: " what are y'all looking at you guys act like you've never seen magic before!" 

                                 TO BE CONTINUED

I'm not going to be able to post the next part of the short story every week but I am going to try to get it all done quickly.

Thank you

[keyorsomething]

►єυ∂ιєgσ яαит

✿Hello everyone!✿

Today, I'm going to simply be ranting about my thoughts on Eudora's character, and the ship between her and Diego.

✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿

Warning! This will contain spoilers for any episodes past number three, and will discuss some serious and rather touchy topics. Reader discretion is advised.

✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿

►1. єυ∂σяα'ѕ ¢нιℓ∂нσσ∂ (domestic violence trigger warning.)

!!!THIS IS JUST HEADCANON. DON'T ATTACK ME FOR MY WEIRD ASS HEADCANONS!!!

Eudora spent a lot of her younger years in a violent situation. She grew up in the ghetto of the city, and took up martial arts when she was young to learn to better defend herself. Her father abused her mother often, and her grandfather was the main reason she grew up to be as functional as she's shown to be.

Most children who grow up around intimate partner violence (IPV) have a lot of issues. She was lucky enough to have a grandfather who kept the violence as far away from her as possible. When she was eight years old, her mother was nearly murdered by her father, causing her grandfather to call the police. They were helped out of the situation, and Eudora's father was sentenced to 38 years in prison. She dreads the day that might come- where he lives long enough to get out of where he belongs.

Often times, children are distrustful of their female caretakers who were victims of IPV. They don't believe that the victim will care for them, causing independence to be forced at a young age, even after escaping the abuse. I believe that Eudora likely loved her mother a lot- but never fully trusted her, even into adulthood. Ever since she was nine years old, she'd decided that she never wanted to be like her mother. She saved thousands of dollars through all of her years in middle school and high school, so that when she was 18, she could move out immediately.

Seeing the violence in her home caused Eudora to want to stop it. She wanted to be someone who could prevent people getting hurt as her mother was, and was determined to become a cop. She saved up as much money as she could, and once she graduated highschool, she enrolled in the police academy, and bought a small apartment near it.

Update as of May 20th, 2019:

So, I saw a comment that I absolutely agree with, and slightly adjusted my headcanon.

Perhaps, instead of actually experiencing abuse in her own home, she experienced it second hand. A childhood friend, or someone like that. A less violent headcanon that I've also had for a while is that maybe her father just left, around the same time that Eudora's mother and her would have left in the other headcanon.

This version of my headcanon could still leave Eudora's mother wary of men, raising her to be careful around them. If her mother had a close friend, or sister, who escaped from a domestic abuse situation, it could also work better. Leaving Eudora wary of men, but not a direct victim of the abuse. Idk- tell me what y'all think?

✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿

►2. тнє єαяℓу уєαяѕ σf ∂ιєgσ αи∂ єυ∂σяα'ѕ яєℓαтισиѕнιρ.

Both Eudora and Diego had little experience with relationships. Eudora, from a young age, was raised to be scared of men. She didn't think she'd ever want to have an intimate relationship with a man- mostly because she was terrified of becoming like her mother.

Diego grew up as a Hargreeves. Romance was strictly forbidden. He followed the rules as strictly as he could- he wanted nothing more than to be better than Luther at the Academy. In high school, though, he had many girlfriends. Never a long term relationship, though- everything was touch and go for him.

Things changed when they met in the police academy.

Eudora helped Diego through a lot. She tried her best to understand him, and listen to him when all he needed was to know that he's not worthless. He did the same for her, building an incredibly strong bond between the two. Eudora struggled a lot when she fell in love with him.

Diego wasn't dangerous, and she knew he'd never hurt her. But her whole world fell apart when she fell for him. She found reason after reason not to tell him, but she eventually confessed, after months of agonizing over the possibilities. He confessed the same, and their relationship extended to be romantic.

They both had no clue what they were doing, but they figured it out together. They were more alike than they thought, and just grew closer.

They explored a lot together. What their boundaries were romance wise. Their desires sexually (more on this later.)

✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿

►3. ∂ιєgσ тнє ∂яσρσυт.

Diego was kicked from the academy when they weren't far from graduating. He couldn't seem to agree to the laws, so despite being undeniably good at what could've been his job, defiance clearly isn't a trait suitable for a police officer. Eudora was advised to stay away from him after that, due to suspicions that he'd interfere with her career, but she loved him, and he loved her.

Eudora allowed him to help her with assignments. They made an unstoppable team.

Or, what seemed to be an unstoppable team.

✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿

►4. тнє ∂σωиfαℓℓ σf єυ∂ιєgσ.

Diego was bored with bureaucracy. He felt as though he wasn't helping the way that he should. He managed to get access to the police radio, and listened for hours, trying to find any crime to go after. He had moved into Eudora's apartment at this point in time- so it wasn't like she had to do much digging to figure out what he was doing.

Three nights in a row, he disappeared, without her knowing. He'd stopped minor crimes- convienent store robberies, small burglaries, etc. Though one night was different- Diego snuck out as usual, to the scene of some hostage situation at a Circle K just down the street. He didn't like to have to kill the bad guys- but he did.

That night, a lot of gunfire rang out. Eudora got a call at 1:00 AM, telling her she needed to get to the scene. Diego wasn't home, obviously- so she put two and two together. She'd waited just a few minutes, when he got home.

They fought. For the first time in their whole relationship, they fought. She kicked him out of her apartment- she felt hurt, betrayed, and angry at him. They broke up, and despite both parties trying numerous times, they couldn't seem to make it work.

✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿

►5. тнє мσяє... ѕєχυαℓ вιтѕ.

SEXUAL TOPIC WARNING- I'M GONNA BE TALKING ABOUT BDSM AND SHIT LIKE THAT SO-

TUA doesn't exactly hide the kinkiness of Diego and Eudora's relationship. I mean- seriously.

Diego: "It's not spandex, it's leather. And you used to like it. A lot, if I recall."

Eudora: "God, please unremember that."

Diego: "Etched into the data bank, Eudora."

It's actually fucking hilarious to me- I'd probably break up someone too, if they were running around fighting crime in a BDSM suit. It's kinda great.

This subject is probably my favorite to talk about with Eudiego, cause it's really entertaining. A lot of people say that Klaus is the kinky Hargreeves sibling but uh?? No?? It's Diego?? Clearly.

Anyway, so about who would top- Eudora. I'm sorry, but her BDE is WAYYYYY too much for me to handle. Diego is, y'know, a switch- like, with Klaus, Diego would probably top (don't attack me for my opinions I swear-), but Eudora definitely topped in their relationship.

I mean, hell, she tased Diego instantly upon seeing him- like?? Hello?? Also, she shushed him just by putting her hand up. Idk, maybe I'm crazy, but I'm just obsessed with thinking about this part of their relationship. Especially when people try to argue with me about it, cause I fight anyone who dares to act like they think more about Diego and Eudora than I do lolol.

✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿

►6. ωну ι ℓσνє тнιѕ ραιяιиg.

M'kay, so this is gonna be kinda sad. And serious- but ya. Just be warned I guess.

So, a lot of my friends ask me why I'm so obsessed with Diego and Eudora getting together again. A lot of them write it off as because it's just a ship of mine, but, actually? It's because of the ultimate feelings it gives me.

I constantly listen to "This Year's Love" (If you're somehow unaware, that's the song that played when Diego found Eudora's body.) Every time I listen to it, I can just feel the relationship they once had (and have the potential to have again). It speaks volumes for the way that they once felt about each other- and I love it.

I have been in multiple horrific relationships. Abusive, toxic, unrequited, etc. But, that song so clearly reminds me of the love that I adore. The love that I crave feeling.

One line that I constantly hear in my mind is "When ya kiss me, on that midnight street, sweep me off my feet, singin, 'ain't this life so sweet.'" The image it puts in my mind? Stunning.

As to why I think in the show that it's actually a really good pairing- they clearly care for each other. When Diego was in front of the station, waiting for Eudora, she seemed really annoyed. But the moment he mentioned his mom dying, everything about her softened. Her expression, her demeanor, and her voice changed.

Diego said "I just don't know how to-" and clearly began struggling to speak. Before he tried to continue, she just placed her hand on his arm- she didn't need him to continue. From this, I can assume that she's helped him before- or at least, she understands his emotions and struggles to some degree.

Another thing: their whole dynamic works really well. Almost a good girl likes the bad boy kinda thing, but different in a good way. Y'know? Because in most stories like that, the girl is really submissive and such- but Eudiego absolutely defies that. And I love it.

Finally, who was the first person Eudora called? Diego. The MOMENT he found out that she called- he left Five with Luther, and went after her. He was so clearly in anguish when he found her body. Luther had to hold him back from trying to attack Five when he got back to his place.

✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿

►7. ωну ι ℓσνє єυ∂σяα.

So, I adore that we don't get a "soft" Eudora moment. We get plenty from Diego- and sure, she softened up when talking to him about Grace, but uh- we never really see a point where she's showing too much emotion. And I really like the insight that gives into her personality.

Also- I saw this article that was rating TUA characters, and it said that Eudora was the worst character in TUA. I, obviously, disagree- while I despise what they did with her, the character herself was really good. Her personality was honestly great- she was entertaining, kind, beautiful, amazing, and god dammit, I love Eudora.

She was also clearly passionate about her job. She cared about Diego- but her job came first. She did the right thing- the moment she found out where Diego's brother was, it didn't matter that she didn't have backup. She knew something needed to be done, and she did it. And even though Hazel had a gun pointed straight at her, she made sure that she clearly didn't shoot him.

Eudora is an undeniably good person. She loves helping people- otherwise, why would she be a cop?

There was a lot of potential lost, when they killed her off. Luckily, though- season two. The Hargreeves are going back in time. I understand that we got some good Diego development through her death- but what about the development we could have gotten if she lived? She knows Diego better than anyone. I think there was an entire background there that TUA really missed out on by killing her.

✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿

My conclusion? Eudora is way underrated. I wish there was such an endless supply of fanart for her as there is for Klaus. That's why I myself draw her so frickin much- because she doesn't get as much love and appreciation.

Also- I actually once got told by this person that they don't ship Eudiego cause it's straight.

And I just-

Huh?? Like, it's still a good ship. Why once a ship is straight is it not shippable?

I don't care if you don't like Eudiego. What I care about is the reasons- and because it's not gay? That is a bullshit reason, man-

Anyway, I digress. I conclude my rant.

Oh, and, yes, I'll likely update this rant in the future :/

✿.｡.:* *.:｡✿

If you saw this on TUA Amino, that's because I posted this there first- so ya uwu.

[cannolicas]

Secret relationship with Jungkook

♡ The Love started when you were young

♡ like realy young

♡ highschool young

♡ you were 15 and so was he when you 'met'-and by met I mean he just stared at you shyly for months bc he was angstious

♡he was a new trainee, and girls were flocking to him and he, being shy, hated this new popularity. He just wanted to be a quiet nerd, with a beautiful geeky girlfriend in fact he fantasized about the quiet life he wished the two of you had.

♡you were a new student in his highschool. Aperently you dad was some businessman who moved your family to Seoul for work, after you grew up in England, Rome, France and Singapore.

♡you were v shy.

♡ just like him- the him he liked and felt like home.

♡you had a cute lil stutter and blushed a lot, and he was obsessed (in a non creepy way)

♡he would just daze off lovingly and smile at every little thing you did.

♡so he was just so drawn to you

♡ you, little ole you, sitting with your head in a book drinking little sips of your aloe, taping your clean nails against the table, trying to keep to yourself so the queenkas wouldn't pick on you again.

♡he thinks your super pretty.

♡and of corse you think he’s handsome I mean he’s beautiful

♡He was so angstious he asked makeup noonas for help, like how do I talk to a girl anbunch of 19 year old boys raised me ahhhim scared.

♡he would just come up to you on a rainy day when a lot of kids didn't come in- less fear that day.

♡maybe 10 other people in the normally 100 person cafeteria. Rich kids don't come on in the rain.

♡"Hey" "o-oh H-Hey"

♡ "can I sit here?"

♡ "O-oh Sorry I'll move"

♡"no I ment with you"

♡"o-oh"

♡and boom, he fell hard in love, and you hated were scared to admit that you did to.

♡his first love and is last.

♡ after a few months of sitting, staring, and asking the time/date/your ringsize and how you like ya eggs in the morning after the good good he confessed.

♡but see, he was about to debut as an idol at that time.

♡you all ready knew how hard it was for him to do this, he called you his only escape a million times

♡ you decided to date in secret, or Just keep doing what you were doing. You grounded him, kept him sane.

♡it was hard, but here you were, blood sweat and 2 years later and he was admiting to his members.

♡ "hyungs theres a girl. I-I love her"

♡they were sceptical ofcorse.

♡ like who the fuck is this gold diggin hoe after out Kookie. They thought any girl the makane would be home would be a bitchy mrs popular, and only after fame.

♡’there just after your fame, jeonguk’ hoseok said softly, not to upset the baby.

♡”no hyung she’s different-she's Y/N, you don't get her"

♡but then they met you and they got it.

♡you were v sweet and v shy and v cute

♡Kookie met the only person ever shyer then him. To the boys they were like ¿?¿wow?¿? clone much?¿?

♡ you literally used him as a human shield, and bowed while formally addressing the members. Always using honorifics and it was so funny to them bc you were like when they first met kookie.

♡"oh my fucking god these dorks"- yoongi

♡like Namjoon was shook after watching you two talk in Jungkooks room, which you thought was private. After he was like this girl realy loves Jungkook

♡ you had a heavy stutter and hugged Jungkook in a clingy koala way when you talked to him, looking up at him, deep in his eyes, as he played with your hair.

♡and it made Kookie gush like ahhh my baby's so cute.

♡you were the only person ever who saw him as big and strong, and he ate that sit up. Ｌｏｖｅｄ it

♡ "I-I don think they like me, jeo-kookie" you said, with a few tears.

♡a-and I know how much you love them like brothers and I don’t want to devide you all”

♡"why? What's not to like? It's you Jagi"

♡ "I-i don't think they think I'm good enough. Their right your so handsome Jungkook you could get a queenka if you wanted but your wit-"

♡he kisses you and shuts you up.

♡ "I love you. And I'm with you because I want you, only you. They don't love me for me, but you do, baby. I'll be by your side forever" "promise?" "I'll die on that promise. Your my life"

♡ you hugged him and he smiled. "They'll come around to you. Your the best. I know that will"

♡'ok boys she's good enough'-Namjoon

♡ you almost broke up once, tho

♡you did it to protct him, his image, his brand and his fandom. Gf= bad

♡he didn’t like the idea and neither did you, but you insisted even though it hurt like a knife to the heart. It was so fucking hard on you. You didn't leaves your bed, just crying for 2 days.

♡ but two days later he want having it. He herd about your state from your sister and he wa steady to kill the jerk who hurt you so... himself?

♡never gonna give u up

♡it was like a movie, crying in the rain and hungrily kissing. "I love you your never leaving me again"

♡ that night you got back together you shared your first time in a hotel room

♡yes it was very romantic and sweet and emotional and the aftercare was on point and you just cuddled him as he whispered in your ear about your future for hours and it was so wpsweet hou criend and it was just beautiful.

♡ next day Jungkook had they glowy 'I just got fucked' look

♡they were on set for a mv, And as grown ass men they know that look.- the 'I just got fucked look'

♡’yall finaly fucked?’-Hoseok

♡’no hyung we made love’

♡ and your were a little bit more confident after that

♡meaning that now you too, believed in your love and would fight for it! This was it!!!

♡ so you did.

♡ flash forward to age 20

♡blood sweet, and 5 years later (lol).

♡ management just found out about you

♡in a realyyyyyy bad way

♡ you got stabbed by a saesang in a grocery store when you kissed Jungkook as he petted your tummy affectionately.

♡ but it's even worse-don't tell anyone it's a secret- Shh your 9 weeks along

♡yEs I mEaN pReGgErS

♡ Jungkook called management crying

♡he spilled all about y'all (except the baby thing)

♡like ‘I might loose everything hyung' (exact words to Namjoon later)

♡ and of corse they handled international police on the crazy bitch for him while making arrangements for the best suite in the hospital.

♡ considering how Namjoon flies into bangs office yelling about how great you are you were now family to big hit.

♡all 6 boys vouged for you as family

♡ VVVIP epward secured for ya post op- aka after surgery

♡3 longggg (6 hours plus, like 20 hours of surgery) surgeries.

♡ Jungkook was a mess.

♡first two were the riskiest. And he cried for hours.

♡ spent that time explaining the relationship to management, from high school to now(minus the secret baby)

♡ they rolled you back into the room and Jungkook went crazy.

♡ hugged you, petted your tummy, said how much he loved you, and you two just talked, and cried, and snuggled and cried and called his mom and he told stupid jokes and you just giggled until you saw management

♡then y'all panicked- it was jumping but the. A nurse came in.

♡ "don't worry, Mr.Jeon, as we just told mrs. Y/L/N, your baby is perfectly fine, and they affected. Perfect as new"

♡as blessed as the new father felt he was a little worked abput something else.

♡’Well hyung Y/Ns tired you should leave’

♡ haha to late- you've herd of anger management, but what about 'angry management ™️''?

♡ JeOn JuNgKoOk whAt Do YoU mEaN pReGnAnT?!? NoT iN mY lObBy

♡"we will discuss this later, Jungkook. Just take care of your familly for now, they've been through a lot today' (*breaks door handle from squeezing anger ly and has,little baby stress stroke*)

♡ calm now, but rip Jungkook l8r tho

♡happily ever after