#this is kinda trash writing for me so maybe i’ll edit it later

[killuaisaprincess]

😐,🤔,👨‍👧‍👧 and 🍰 for the ask game?

Thank uuuu 🥺🤲🙏 sometimes I wish I knew who anons were so I could aggressively give them love, but I know that’s the point, and people can be shy, etc. ask game 

😐 What embarrasses you most about your own writing?

Nothing, really! It wasn't always that way, butttt, when there really isn't anyone writing what you wanna read (minus Wifey blows kisses)... when I started rereading my stuff after I posted it, had an epiphany. This is a certified amazing, whattttt? I actually love this. Wow, I know, amazing me; I like what I write for me. Astonishing, me.

But 'till I remade and had to edit and repost everything, I was like... why didn't I reread this stuff sooner? Insecurity, really, but! That was the biggest confidence booster; I just kinda stopped caring that, yes, objectively speaking, my writing could be or maybe is ass, but I no longer saw it. Instead, I saw damm can't wait to read this later; ooooh, excited! I've always had fun writing, but until like a year and a half ago, I didn't really re-read my stuff? I was missing outtt. I mean I wrote them for me!

So I guess I used to get too anxious and embarrassed to re-read my stuff, so everything about my writing in a way. I was insecure, thought if I re-read this, what if it's trash writing, and I no longer love it cuz it's badly written, even if its my niches I love? But jokes on me; I love my stuff, esp. the newer stuff, even more now, haha.

🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic?

Not the writing, lol. But, really. The writing is fun; it’s everything that surrounds it. My ADD brain wanting to write at the worse times when I’m busy. My ADD brain giving me too many wips, which, I don’t mind, but I’m sure my one or two readers are sick of, like, boo, you whore xd. Editing. The best part of editing is being able to reread my stuff; then, the worse is everything else. And writer's block…. that brings my mood down so much, my mortal enemy. YEAH, I DON'T SEE WHY I CAN'T WRITE EVERYDAY, BRAIN?! What’s the issue, brain?!

👨‍👧‍👧 Do you tell people in real life that you write fic? 

Not explicitly! My sister knows, and she’ll even drop a comment on my stuff when I’m feeling down without even reading the fic 😂. But it’s okay, I appreciate you, Pink 🥺🤧🙏 I probably wouldn’t tell my coworkers, but yeah, I have no problems offhandedly mentioning fic. 

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

As much as I actually, really, really wish I could shell another writer that isn’t myself or Wifey <3 @primrosekisse, There aren’t many Gonkillu writers, and I’m super picky with my interpretations on top of it. I rarely risk reading fic (I will try every 5 months and cry) unless Wifey posts; we are connected same/similar headcanons! So my comfort fics are hers and my own. B-but if anyone ever finds a GK fic and then on top of it, it’s got similarities to my headcanons b-bwease. 🥺🙏😭😭😭😭

My comfort fic of hers is Beauty and the Beast AU! Although I read all of Prim’s things again (esp when I really just wanna cry about lack of GK) and need that good shit.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28904382 As for my ownnnn, kinda hard to pick since I got a personal connection with them all, I love love all my more recent works as I feel I finally have a style I love and I just stopped giving a fuck what anyone thinks, so I’m really even more so going in and writing what I want, but my old stuff will always hold a place in my heart. I’ll cheat lol. Here’s a new one that’s a comfort:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/37499644

And an old one: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31349027/chapters/78127517

WAS MY FIRST KI IS A PRINCESS, SO HOW COULD I NOT 🥺😭🙏🤧🤲

[cheesecakethots]

Hi, I came to expand that obey me barbarian au

The reason why the brothers came for MC is because they meet them during their childhood. Little MC was playing at the outskirts of their village when they heard a pained cry, they investigated and found little Mammon with injuries. Little Mammon was wary on the stranger but little MC managed to heal his wound, once he was healed he stood up and ran.

The next day MC came back to see if that strange boy was there, sure enough he was with two others, Little Lucifer and and Levi stared warily at them while Mammon gave them a small gift while blushing and looking away. MC happily accepted, Mammon and MC played for a bit followed by Levi then Lucifer.

The next day there was no Mammon but Little Satan and Asmo, they were collecting items when they saw MC, they must have knew who they were cause Asmo waved to them excitedly. They ended up making flower crowns and petting cats that came to them.

The next day MC brought with them food and found Little Beel and Belphie, they and Beel played while little Belphie just watched them, after that Mc and Beel ate while Belphie used their laps as a bed.

The next day MC came none of them was there, they waited until they heard their name calling, maybe they'll come the next day. But it was the same thing, they kept on waiting and waiting until they stopped coming. It made them sad, maybe their new friends got tired of them.

But it wasn't, their tribe had to move because of settlement disputes in MC's village, but the brothers promised one day, they'll burn that insufferable village to the ground and claimed their future lover back.

their love for you starts out as innocent - a puppy crush if anything. one that could cause no harm to anyone, especially not you.

watching you go about your day, whether you knew about it or not, was the more interesting activity for the young barbarian boys.

even lucifier, the one who seemed the most obsessed with the constant training and massacres taught to them all by their tribe leaders, had to admit that seeing you even for just a second felt more worthwhile of his time.

that was until diavolo, their current tribe leader and older brother, found out about their visits to you.

as time moves on, said visits become less lengthy and less frequent, until eventually they just stop showing up at all.

you, of course, mourn the loss of your new found friends, but as you grow older you forget the memories you formed with them.

unlike you, they don’t forget.

puppy crushes evolve… almost into sort of wolf-ish obsessions.

they don’t forget the gentle smiles you would share to them, in contrast to the crooked and evil grins they faced from those around them, or even the glares from the others in your village.

they don’t forget having to be dragged from their home; you.

they don’t forget the promises they all made, to find and love and cherish you as soon as they reach of age.

you would do wise to remember, as soon you’ll realise that no amount of distance, no army, and no begging can stop them from getting what they want;

you.

[niksfics]

↬ FATE

↬ PAIRINGS: kenma x f!reader (side aka rebound mention) miya atsumu x f!reader

↬ WARNINGS: a whole lotta angst, breakup, it’s an online relationship, kenma is cold and hurts ur feelings

↬ SUMMARY: your relationship with kenma really had felt like the last one. He was it, turns out he didn’t have similar feelings.

↬ A/N: alright loves!! This isn’t proofread at all it’s 2 in the morning I’ll edit when I wake up, butttt Thanks to my lovely ex girlfriend you are now being graced with this steaming pile of trash. (Lovely was not meant sarcastically at all she is in fact very lovely.) Ngl almost, if not all of this story is about my relationship with my ex gf. This is how I cope people. ￫ It’s taken me awhile to actually be able to right something that’s why things kinda stopped. Tbh after she broke up with me it’s been very hard for me to write so hopefully this helps! And I hope you enjoy!! I would also just like to say if it feels a lil weird it’s cause these are things I’ve actually written in my notes I tweaked it a little to fit the story but it’s straight from the source 😩

WC | 2.5K

You sighed as you opened your notes app. Your eyes scanning over all of the little facts and quirks he had told you about himself. All the stuff you’d wanted to remember. The stuff that had seemed so important to you before. Now it was meaningless, almost like facts about a stranger. Almost as if you hadn’t spent four months learning about and growing with eachother.

You scrolled down a little bit right under, how his favorite marvel character is Spider-Man and you chewed on your lip. Your fingers hovering above the keyboard on your phone. You looked over the facts again. The things he dislikes and the stuff he adores, the things he likes to collect to the way he feels passionately about a certain topic. You begin to type.

Friday June 25th 2022 12:22 Am

I cried again tonight, because I still love you. It’s been a month and six days since we broke up. It feels like there’s a hole in my chest. You seem to be doing fine though, so I’m happy for you! This is the second time since we’ve broken up that I’ve felt actual physical emotional pain in my chest. Remember when I told you how bad it hurt after we broke up? Remember how you didn’t even ask if I was ok? Didn’t even bother to answer. Do you remember that? I remember. I’ve thought about it every day since. I remember it being so bad I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack. Wasn’t until I’d called tetsu crying that he’d told me it was just emotional and I should probably try to relax.

I read through our old messages. I’ve never wanted something back so bad. Never wanted to beg anyone to stay till now. I wish you loved me like I love you. I wish I hadn’t grown so attached, wish I hadn’t fallen so deeply into love with you. I wish it wasn’t my fault that we broke up. I wish I wasn’t so fucking scared. I wish I was fearless. Wish I could rise into love bravely. I wish I was brave when it came to you. I keep telling myself it was me. It was me not you. You didn’t love me anymore. You don’t love me anymore and you’re just too nice to say that. So you told me in the only way I could handle. Except you hadn’t used the words you should have. You got bored. We both know it’s true. You were bored of it, and I don’t blame you. I know we’ll never talk again, and part of me is so glad. Another part of me forces myself to read through all our messages though. I wish I could just tell you one last time. I love you.

You sighed saving it before closing out of it. Tears you hadn’t known were falling finally became known to you as they streamed down your cheeks. Your eyes puffy as you wet your lips, the salt of them coating your tongue. You were bitter and so were your tears. I briefly wondered what he was doing right now. Probably playing a video game. You knew his schedule all to well by now. Probably testing out a new game for his stream.

A new set of fresh tears fell as you remembered how you used to call him right before he went on. Being lulled to sleep by his occasionally curses and the clicking oh his controller or his keyboard.

You never expected things to end this way. You really thought he was the last one. Yes it had only been four months, but the way he made you feel. The way that it had felt. It had felt final, and you’d been friends before you even started dating.

You sniffle moving yourself to the kitchen to poor yourself a glass of water as you remembered how nervous you were when you first texted him. You had acumulated quite the crush on him back in high school. As Inarazaki’s manager you were required to go to the games, and even after your team lost you had stuck around. Watched him play and cheered him on. Two weeks later you had begun to text, as friends of course. It wasn’t until four months ago that you’d gotten together.

Your anniversary was only two days prior to your break up. You both had never been one to even care about that stuff. You had agreed early on in the relationship that we wouldn’t do anything due to the distance, and the business of our schedules. You were never one for remembering things like anniversaries anyways.

He really did feel like the one. Sometimes you just know. Sometimes you can just feel it. Like, you know that feeling you get when you know something is off or you know for sure something is about to happen even without being told it’s going to. That’s what it felt like to be with kozume kenma.

You thought you knew, you thought this time, this time its for real. You thought it was finally safe to say, that he was the one. You both had even admitted to looking for each others initials in those stupid soulmate tik tok videos.

You were finally in a mature relationship with someone you could talk about anything to. You had gotten so caught up in it, that you didn’t even see the end creeping up on you.

↝

You’d finally gained the courage to text him again. Unfortunately it was in a drunken daze. Your hands shaking as you fumbled with your phone typing things you’d come to regret in the morning. You’d sent him a series of texts telling him how much you missed him, how you didn’t understand how he was so okay. You had been a wreck that night. One of your friends puking in her toilet as you cried. You were happy of course that he was doing so well, but you’d been a wreck for so long and he hadn’t even changed. You told him you wished you could be okay.

When you’d awoken the next morning hair knotted in a complete mess and wiping drool from your chin your heart had sunk even lower. His response was cold. You knew that kenma could be cold. You knew that it was just who he was, but this particular text had felt so unfeeling and unfamiliar, it was as if he hadn’t even sent it himself. He had only ever talked like this to you once and that was when you first became friends all those years ago.

Kozume ❤️

Hey, it’s okay. And yeah you see what I choose to put up. I could be better. But I choose to stay optimistic and busy. Sorry that things are this way.

You had never seen so many periods in a text before. He only used grammar like that when he was peeved, and maybe you were wrong, maybe he’d done that on purpose, but it had hurt so bad. It had caused an ache so deep in your chest that you weren’t sure if you’d ever even dated him at all.

Yeah.

It was the only thing you could bring yourself to respond back with. How were you supposed to respond to that? You’d stared at it for so long and after you’d sent it you wished you had said more. Wished you would’ve said something more insightful than a simple, heartbroken, “yeah.”

Not too long later there was another ping and you held your breath. His name briefly appearing across your screen.

Yeah. I could be better. But I hope you do well soon. I’m sorry that I can’t really do much to help out

And of course you did the only thing you could do. Deflect. Pretend like you hadn’t said what you’d said not even fourteen hours ago.

No it’s fine. I’m fine. You don’t have to apologize. I’m sorry that you could be doing better.

He left you on seen. You knew you sounded like an asshole. At least to you, you felt like an asshole. Why couldn’t you have come up with something else. Why couldn’t you tell him the truth. Tell him how you felt. Tell him that you didn’t think you should be broken up anymore. That the month long cruel joke was over and you were ready to spend your nights falling asleep to him playing video games again. You didn’t though, and you never would. You’re not brave enough, too prideful to even try.

You swallowed down the bile rising in your throat as you realized even if you did beg him. Begged him to take you back. Tell him that you still love him. You were too late, and you just couldn’t be selfish when it comes to him. He is over you and it was so plainly obvious. You know that deep down. Know that he’s moved on, and it kills you inside. So you did the only thing you could do. Try and put it into words.

So as you lay in bed the warm body you let occupy your space sound asleep beside you, his toned blonde hair tousled slightly and you sighed. Finally away from the shenanigans of your friends you took a deep breath before you closed your eyes.

You opened up your notes app again and scrolled past the last entry. You swallowed again as you blinked the tears out of your eyes. Your thumbs beginning to move before you even gave them permission.

Wednesday June 30th 2022 1:39 Am

Here I am again. Stuck. Stuck in the same place I’ve been for so long. You know, I write so beautifully when I’m broken. I’m most of my best work is written when I’m being torn apart. But I just, I can’t seem to find the words. I can’t seem to put it into a document and turn out little story into a different story to cope. Can’t seem to write it out. Can’t seem to move on.

I hovered over the unfollow button on your page today, to keep myself from scrolling through your things again. To keep myself from getting hurt. So I don’t have to be reminded. I want to delete it. Delete where we officially met. On a chat through my screen. I wanna wipe the messages clean. And I’ve tried. Oh how I’ve tried. But I can’t.

I want to delete our conversations. The hours long talks we had, but then, what happens afterwards? What keeps the memories alive. I’d never been so in love with someone before. I’ve never actually…. Been in love before. I thought I’d been in love, but it didn’t feel like that, and losing them never hurt like this. Losing someone has never hurt this bad before.

I’ve never felt the emptiness you left so deep in my very being with anyone I’ve ever met before. I can’t seem to pull myself together. And it’s pathetic I know. It’s pathetic that I’m still here. In the same place I was a month ago. It’s about to be two months we’ve haven’t been together. I’m hurting. Hurting so bad. It’s painful to look at you.

I haven’t deleted the photos even though I probably should. They’re still tucked away in an album in my camera roll labeled “us <3” the one one I made specially just for you. The way I’d been so excited when I was finally ready to tell my friends. I even have this stupid notes folder from when we were dating where I wrote all the little things about you that I never wanted to forget. I find you so endearing. Everything you do. I just couldn’t help but right it down to keep it safe so it never leaves my mind. So that I never forget. But now, forgetting is all I want to do.

I never thought there’d be a time in my life where I was more emotionally stunted that I normally. So stunted I can’t even put this, our split up, into words. Make it something entertaining for somebody else to read. Write a book about it. My publicist keeps asking when the sequel for my book will be done. I don’t know if it’ll ever be finished. I can’t do the one thing I’ve always been good at. I’m crying as I write this.

And I wish it would just end here in this little notes app. Wish the love would die in here. I always think I’m over you and then I see you again, and nowadays your everywhere. A very big hit and I’m happy for you and your success, but seeing you makes my heart squeeze in my chest.

I think I’m over you until I play that stupid fucking game that causes me to scream at my phone, or my laptop in frustration, but I just can’t seem to delete it because I know it’s something that you love. That show we used to talk about. I know you know which one, I can’t seem to watch it without thinking of what was. You’ve ruined it forever cause now it only reminds me of you. I know you’ll never see this, but I like to imagine you can. That my time for closure has somehow come.

When you told me you were sorry that things were this way, it was a real slap in the face. It stopped my false hope. My wishing. It all came to a halt. I’m glad. Glad that you’re happier. That you’re better without me. But god, now I’m so fucked up and I can’t even talk to you.

You were the only person I had left. The only one who understood me. And now you’re gone. You took a part of me with you that night. A part that I’ll never get back. I should’ve known that you would leave. I’ve never been able to get someone to stay for longer than three to four months.

I thought I could let my guard down though. I thought we were in the clear. I’d thought finally. Finally someone is gonna stay. I thought you were my person. I still think that to this day. I thought we were gonna make it. And now I’m with this guy I don’t even like. He’s not you, he doesn’t act like you. He doesn’t like video games like you do.

He doesn’t talk to me like you do. Like you did. But you know how it ended I don’t need to put it here. Unfortunately I’ll always love you even if you don’t love me. This is so scattered, I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy.

With that you closed the app and put down your phone. Plugging in it and as it dinged miya atsumu rolled over in his sleep. He reached for you his hands wrapping around your waist to tug you against his strong body.

His gravely voice whispering through sleep, “mmm finally decided to come to bed?” You hum moving an arm under on of his to wrap around his thin waist. “Mhm, thought you might need the company.” You began to draw little shapes and letters against his back as he chuckled, “oh yea? How thoughtful of you princess.”

Suddenly it was quiet and your closed eyes opened to his wide brown ones, his eyebrows furrowing .

“Did you just spell kozume on my back?”

[auramindedd]

Moving In - SMAU*

Part 16

CorpseHusband x Fem!Reader

Warnings: cussing

A/N: i’m so excited to write brooke, rae, and y/n together, and to see their reactions whenever y/n and corpse do something 😭 *was in a rush to get this posted; editing, adding to taglist, and fixing tags later. also, kinda gave up on the likes, retweets, and comments on the twitter 💀*

🤍 directory

🕊 previous

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•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“Sooo,” Brooke drawls. She sits cross-legged in front of you, Rae lays her head in your lap. “What’s going on between you and Corpse?” She wiggles her eyebrows, causing you and Rae to giggle.

“Nothing?” You can’t hide the smile that plays on your lips.

Rae turns her head so she’s facing you now. “Oh, I’m so sure.”

“Okay, okay, well, I was texting him while you guys were getting snacks, and we kind of talked about him moving in with me.” You admit. Their eyes widen, they’re getting ready to squeal, but before they can, you shush them.

“What do you mean ‘kind of?’” Brooke asks.

You’re not even sure yourself. You take almost everything you and Corpse talk about as a joke. The feeling might be mutual. You doubt that Corpse thinks anything you say isn’t in a joking manner.

That point made, you weren’t joking about him moving in with you. You feel like it’ll be fun living with him. You two get along in a nice, playful way. You both live in San Diego, and it’d be fairly easy for you two just to move in with each other.

You’ve also been wanting to meet Corpse for a while. There’s a lot that needs to be planned, especially when it’s you two meeting. Corpse, well, you don’t know how he looks and you want him to be one-hundred percent comfortable with meeting you. And you, well, of course, the mental breakdowns and panic attacks.

Corpse makes you feel comfortable though. You feel like you’re most yourself when talking to him, maybe even more than you are with Alex, Clay. Karl, and George. Not to say the friendship between you and Corpse is any better, but you two just get along so easily.

“I mean, I don’t know. We joke around a lot, maybe he was joking about moving in with me.” You explain.

“Do you want him to move in with you?” Rae asks, twirling the ends of your hair around her finger.

You shrug, “Yeah, I feel like it’d be fun.”

“Maybe you two should talk about it.” Brooke suggests. “I doubt he’s joking.”

“What do you mean?” You ask, furrowing your eyebrows.

Brooke shake her head, “Are you that oblivious to the things he says? He’s so flirty with you, there’s no way he doesn’t actually like you.”

“You’re fucking crazy.” You laugh.

“If she’s crazy, then so am I.” Rae says. “Go talk to him.”

“Right now?” Rae nods her head. “It’s our girl time...”

Brooke gets up, grabs your arm, and pulls you to your room, Rae following suit. “It’s fine, we have the rest of the night.”

After lots of arguing, and eventually you losing the argument, you call him. Corpse answers within the first few rings.

“Whaddup, baby.” Corpse greets.

“Hi,” You greet shyly. You’re rarely nervous about talking to him, but asking him about something pretty serious, you’re nerves get the best of you. “I have a question...”

“Is everything okay?” You can’t ignore the worry lacing his voice when he asks. A warm feeling builds in your stomach as you smile to yourself.

“Everything’s fine, but I just wanted to ask if you actually wanted to move in with me.” You feel your face getting hot, the heat rushing up to your ears.

Corpse chuckles, “I’m down, but only if I get to sleep in your bed.”

You shake your head, “And I said that’s fine, I’ll sleep ok the comfy bed in the guest bedroom.”

“No,” He laughs, the laugh you never want to stop listening to. “With you.”

“I’ll probably end up kicking you off the bed.” You warn, earning more laughs from Corpse.

He takes a deep breath, “On a serious note, yes, I’ll move in with you.”

Butterflies erupt in your stomach when he answers. You’re excited, but nervous as well? Either way, you think it’ll be fun.

You both say goodbye, and you go back to Rae and Brooke.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Taglist - comment or message me to be added!

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[thepointoftheneedle]

The Sports Coat

Look I'm obsessed with "that" jacket. Here's a ficlet about it.

When his bellowing of her name became physically painful she put down her book with a deep sigh and trudged upstairs. Her mom was spending some quality time with their son tonight and she’d been looking forward to lying motionless on the couch for at least four hours. Jug was standing in his boxer shorts, staring helplessly into his closet. It was a good look on him, she didn’t hate it, it almost made climbing the stairs worthwhile, despite the fact that it was the end of a very long week and she was as exhausted as any young mom had ever been.

“Where’s my sports coat?” Betty looked at him blankly. “You know the plaid one. Grey kinda.”

“Ugh, yeah, that terrible old thing. I was taking some of the little guy’s baby things that he’s outgrown to goodwill last week so I had a quick sweep of our closets while I was about it. I don’t imagine anyone’s going to buy something as ugly as that but they recycle textiles so…”

She trailed off because the colour had drained from his face as she was speaking.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“You took it to goodwill? Like, it’s totally gone? Gone-gone. You aren’t joking about?”

Betty began to feel a little nervous. The hideous jacket had been at the back of the closet since before they were married. She’d never seen him wear it, not even once. When she’d been surveying the hangers, rushing as always, it had seemed obvious that its space was more useful than its presence and she had stuffed it into the trash bag with the other donations. It hadn’t occurred to her that he’d even miss it.

“I’m sorry Jug. I didn’t realise it was important. You never wore it. I mean, thank God for that because it was so ugly, actually heinous. And you do have a lot of jackets. Almost too many.”

Jughead sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. For a moment she wondered if he was about to sob. She knelt on the floor in front of him and put her hands on his knees, looking up into his face. His brow was furrowed, eyes closed as if in pain. She was actually a little scared now. “Jug, Juggie. I’m so sorry. What did I do?”

“It was Stephen King’s,” he whispered. He wore it on Dick Cavett right after The Shining was released. The cameraman said he liked it and King just gave it to him. And the camera guy sold it to me for three hundred bucks. I lived off instant ramen for three weeks to pay for it. Well, ramen and scotch. It was when I was pretty low.”

Betty didn’t know what to say. Normally she was solution orientated but there was no rectifying this one. The jacket was almost certainly being shredded for insulation right at that moment. Secretly she wondered if that wasn’t maybe for the best, kinder to put the thing out of its misery. Ha, Misery!

She stroked his shoulder in what she hoped was a consoling manner. She could see why it was important to him but he had a first edition of The Shining and it had been an absolutely godawful coat. She was sorry… but not that sorry. Still, she stroked his hair back and kissed his ear, moving down to nibble gently at his ear lobe, he always liked that. His eyes flickered up to hers and she murmured against his neck, “Let me make it up to you.”

She woke late on Saturday morning, the quiet of the house a strange and slightly unsettling novelty. The great gift of an unbroken night of sleep was a treasure she hadn’t fully appreciated until she’d become a mom. She luxuriated for a moment, stretching across both sides of the bed, but then she began to miss both her boys. She had planned to get some chores done before going to pick up the little man but she felt like there was a fishing hook in her heart and it was being reeled in, pulling her towards Elm Street and his soft hair and sticky hands.

She guessed Jughead was writing so she padded downstairs only find the house empty and silent. There was a note on the coffee machine. “Love you sleeping beauty. Had an errand to run. I’ll pick up the boy on the way back. I miss him.” He’d scrawled a sad face followed by the crown he used as his signature.

Betty poured herself a coffee and sat down at the kitchen table to wait. She hoped the errand involved donuts.

Twenty minutes later she heard the truck pull up outside and went to the window to watch them come home. Her son was pretty evenly covered in powdered sugar, streaks of jelly in his hair and a doughy mess in one pudgy hand. The errand had been donut related. Her husband looked even more thrilled than his boy. He was wearing the monstrous coat.

“Betts! Look, I got it back! The guy said they were keeping it for Halloween. I guess he must have known about King somehow. I gave him a hundred bucks for it. How lucky is that? I’m going to wear the hell out of this thing. Aren’t you pleased?”

Betty managed a smile. “That’s great Jug. So great.”

[spookysweet-heart]

Don’t Board It Up

Commission: Yes!

Pairings: Natemare x Fem!Reader

Fandom: Youtuber Egos

Warnings: None

A/N: Thank you to @forbiddenstars​ for commissioning me to write this! I had a lot of fun writing this for you! Hope you all enjoy it! Collage was made by me! Edited by @semiproeagle​!

“C’mon, it’s my turn!”

“No way, it’s my turn! You’ve been hogging the controller for an hour already! Natemare said we get an hour each!” Natpai pouts at Bones, who just ignores him for a moment, continuing to play the game.

“I know, but I haven't died yet! That’s not fair!” Bones takes his arm back from Natpai who was gripping onto his sleeve.

“Quit being an asshole and let me play something for once!”

Phantom walks into the living room, ignoring the other two as he makes his way to the couch. Paying attention to his phone, he doesn’t notice Natpai sitting next to him right away.

“Ooh, texting your girlfriend again?”

“Dude, seriously, how many times have I told you not to do that!” Lightly shoving Natpai away from his side, Phantom goes back to texting.

Natpai rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest. “Yeah, well I wouldn’t have to if Bones would just LET ME PLAY!!”

“Hey, no yelling, that shit's annoying.” Looking over at Bones, Phantom sighs. “Can you let him play? You’ve been at it for a while now.”

“No way-” Bones is interrupted when the doorbell rings.

“I got it!” Natemare walks out of the kitchen, cleaning his hands on his apron.

“Mare! Bones won't let me use the Playstation!”

“Bones, what did I tell you! You guys get an hour each, I don't care if you haven't died yet, find a damn save and give the controller to Natpai!” Mare opens the door and looks over at Phantom. “You can help, you know?”

“I could, but they don’t listen to me. Besides, I have to study, exams are coming up.”

“Yeah, and I don’t see you with a textbook in your hands, now do I?” 

Phantom rolls his eyes, turning his attention back to his phone.

“Did I come at a bad time?” You smile at Mare while holding onto an empty tupperware in your hands.

“No, not at all. Oh here, let me take that back.” Reaching out to take the tupperware, he motions for you to come inside. “I just started dinner if you wanna stay for a while?”

“Oh um, some other time would be perfect, but I actually have plans with my parents for dinner.”

“I thought your parents weren’t living around here anymore? Did they come to visit?”

“Yeah, they got some time off of work to come down here today. They wanna catch up over dinner. You know how it is. My dad's probably gonna grill me on my grades, though. Kinda slipped up in math, but I mean it’s my last general course then I’m off to do my major.”

Mare puts the tupperware on the table that's by the door. “Yeah, right. Well, I hope your night is fun. I know mine will be with these guys.”

“Dude, you did not just turn off the PlayStation!” Both of them hear Natpai yell from the living room, making Mare visibly annoyed.

“I can tell. Thanks for lunch the other day, by the way. It was really good!” You smile up at him, feeling a little nervous.

“I’m glad it came out good. You and Bones both like the same thing, and since I had a lot of leftovers, I thought you’d appreciate it.”

“I did! Thanks again! Hey, maybe we can hang out tomorrow? I don’t have class all day.”

“That should be fine. I get off work around five, we can get something to eat near your place.”

“Yeah! That works for me! See ya tomorrow!” You give him a quick hug before waving goodbye.

Mare smiles, waving back as he watches you walk down the street. Closing the door, he takes the tupperware with him to the kitchen.

Bones walks in behind Mare, grabbing a cookie from the plate on the counter. Before he can take a bite though, Natemare takes the cookie back. “Hey! I was gonna eat that!”

“And now you’re not. Dinner is almost done, go set the table.” Mare checks the food in the oven and calls over his shoulder to Bones. “Oh yeah. You’re grounded tomorrow night.”

Stopping right as he enters the dining room, Bones turns back to Mare. “Seriously, again?”

Mare stands back up, grabbing the stack of plates that are on the counter. “Yes, again. Maybe if you listened for once and did what I told you instead of being a brat, then maybe you wouldn’t get in trouble.”

Bones rolls his eyes, taking the plates. “Whatever, since when did you get so parental?” 

“Since you started being an ass for no reason. You’re gonna apologize to Natpai later, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah. I am.”

“Good!” Mare ruffles Bones’ hair, turning back around to finish dinner.

After dinner, Phantom helps Mare clean up while the other two get ready for bed. He notices Mare being more quiet than usual. Picking up a napkin, Phantom balls it up in his hand and tosses it at Mare, catching him off guard when it hits him in the face.

“What the hell, Phantom?” Picking up the napkin, Mare places it with the rest of the trash.

Phantom shrugs as he puts another plate in his pile. “You’ve spaced out lately, especially after (Y/n) came by earlier. What’s up with you two?”

“Nothing's up. I’ve just had a lot on my mind with everything going on.” Making his way to the kitchen, Mare throws out the trash he collected from dinner. Passing Phantom on his way to finish clearing the table, Mare stops when he sees him giving him a look. “Seriously, it’s nothing.”

“I don’t think it’s nothing. I think you like her and don’t know how to confess.” Phantom takes the dishes to the sink to start washing them. “You can just tell her, I don’t think it’ll turn out bad.”

Bringing Phantom the last of the dishes, Mare carefully puts them in the sink. “Look, so what if I do? I can’t just confess to my best friend like that. (Y/n) and I have been friends since middle school. We’re practically like siblings.”

Phantom hands Mare a few dishes to dry and put away before he responds. “Is that how you really feel?”

“No, but it’s probably how she feels.” Mare dries each dish carefully, putting them away.

“Why not at least try? Instead of going to a restaurant why not just go to a park before the sunsets? You guys can just bring the food there, and it wouldn’t be noisy. You’d be able to talk and bring it up. It’ll be fine.” Handing him the last of the dishes, Phantom turns off the water and washes away any soap that was leftover in the sink. He glances at Mare who stares down at the cup he’s drying. “You have every right to be nervous, but c’mon, you've got this. When has being nervous stopped you from doing anything?”

Mare sighs, putting the cup away. “You’re right, I just don’t want to risk losing another friend.”

“Last time wasn’t your fault. Fallouts happen between friends, it's normal.”

Mare smiles at Phantom, tossing the rag over his shoulder. “Go to bed, it’s getting late.”

“You better take my advice.” Phantom smiles back at Mare before heading up to his room.

~

The next day after work, Natemare rushes home from work almost tripping over his own feet as he stumbles inside.

Bones looks up from his laptop where he’s sitting on the couch. “You okay?”

“Fine, where’s Phantom?” Regaining his balance, Mare walks into the living room looking around.

“He’s at Lexi’s, he said they were gonna study for exams.”

Mare sighs. Feeling exhausted, he runs a hand through his hair, calming himself down. “Right. I forgot he asked me if he could go over this morning.” Reaching into his wallet, Mare hands Bones a couple of bills. “Order pizza for you and Natpai for dinner tonight. I won’t be home late, but still.”

Taking the money, Bones shoves it in his jacket pocket, nodding at Mare. Relaxing back into the couch, he goes back to finish up his homework for the day while Mare makes his way upstairs to change.

After putting on his shoes, Mare picks up his phone and texts you that he’ll be there in a couple of minutes. Grabbing his jacket, he passes Natpai’s room on his way downstairs. “No fighting while I’m gone, you two!” Taking his keys from one of the hooks, Mare double checks that he has everything he needs before heading out the door. “I’ll be back later!”

“'Kay! Have fun!” Bones shouts at Mare as he walks out the front door. “Natpai! What kind of pizza do you want?”

“Anything but no pineapple or mushrooms!”

“Got it!” Bones takes out his phone to start the order when he gets a text from Mare.

“Don’t be a dick and order what Natpai doesn’t like. You did last time and he didn’t eat all night.”

Bones giggles to himself before he orders the food and makes sure he doesn’t do what he did last time since he doesn’t want Mare to scold him again.

Turning up the radio in his car, Mare drives off towards your place. His grip on the steering wheel tightens the closer he gets to your apartment. “There’s nothing to be nervous about, it’s just dinner with a friend.” Parking in front of your building, Mare turns off the car and sinks in his seat. “Yeah, a friend you have feelings for.” 

Sighing, he sits upright again, taking out his phone to let you know he’s there.

Leaning his head against the window, he lets his mind drift off for a moment. Thoughts start to race as he starts to forget his surroundings. Tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, thoughts of everything that could go wrong keep popping up, making him feel more anxious by the second.

Hearing tapping on the passenger window, Mare jumps, getting startled till he sees you waving and smiling at him when you get his attention. Unlocking the door, he smiles back when you climb into the passenger side. “Hey! Ready to go?”

Closing the car door, you put on your seatbelt, still smiling at him. “Yup! I’m honestly starving, I wasn’t able to eat a full lunch since I forgot I had a meeting with my professor today.”

Starting the car, Mare carefully pulls out of the parking spot. “Everything okay?”

“Oh yeah, everything is fine! Just going through the lessons again since finals are coming up and I just didn’t understand a few things.”

Mare nods in response, keeping his eyes on the road ahead. “You can listen to whatever you want. Also, I was thinking we could just pick up the food and take it to the park nearby. What do you think?”

“Sounds good to me! I’m glad it’s still kind of warm out around this time.” Scrolling through your phone, you decide to put your playlist on shuffle for the rest of the drive.

After picking up the food, you two arrive at the nearby park. Mare takes the bags of food with him when he gets out of the car. Walking over to your side, he waits for you to get out. 

Double-checking you have everything in your bag, you step out of the car, looking around and closing the door behind you. Mare puts the alarm on his car and hands you the bag with your food. “Hilltop, or by the water?”

“Hilltop, I think it’d be nice to see the sunset today.” You both smile at each other as you make your way up the hill. 

Feeling the breeze pass by makes Mare feel a bit calmer about the situation. He was starting to feel like things would be okay, even if it doesn’t go the way he hopes it will.

Reaching the top of the hill, you set the food down on one of the picnic tables. Taking a seat, you two immediately dig into your dinner. If Mare was honest, he’d also confess that he was starving from not eating all day since he was feeling anxious up until this moment.

Finishing up your meals, Mare asks how it went when you met up with your parents the night before. You tell him everything, making him laugh over a joke your dad told your mom. Things were just like how they always are between you two, full of laughs and great stories to tell. 

Mare offers to throw away the trash while you go sit on the grass facing the sunset. He smiles softly as he makes himself comfortable sitting next to you.

Feeling the sun hitting his face as he closes his eyes, Mare takes a deep breath in. The nervous feeling slowly starts to build up again, but he pushes it aside as he looks over at you. “Hey, (Y/n)?”

Humming in response, you smile when you turn to look at him. “Yeah? What’s up?”

Mare glances down at the grass, realizing he’s been picking at it. Quickly brushing off the few blades of grass from his palm, he looks back up at you. “Uh, well, I wanna tell you something, and you don’t really have to reply to it or anything, but I’ve just been thinking about us. How we’ve been friends for most of our lives.” Mare’s cheeks start to turn a light pink and he’s too busy rambling to see yours are too.

“I treasure our friendship. You know I love hanging out with you and everything, but I can’t stop thinking about being something more.” Nervously, Mare bites the inside of his cheek as he lets out everything he wants to say. “You have no idea how much I’d love to take you out on dates, to cuddle up with you on cold nights, to be the person you’re always happy and feel safe to be around. (Y/n), I love you. So much.”

Gently, you raise your hand to his face and wipe away a few tears falling down his cheeks. “You’re always so sweet, Mare. I always liked that about you. Well, there’s a lot of other things I like about you too.” Giggling, you lean in and kiss his cheek, seeing him start to smile again. “To be honest, I’ve also been feeling the same way, but was afraid of ruining the friendship we have. I was fine with the idea of us just staying friends because that was enough for me.”

Mare holds one of your hands in his while rubbing his eyes with his free hand. Laughing to himself, he grins, gently squeezing your hand. “So, does that mean you’ll say yes to a date this weekend?”

“Of course! I‘d love that!”

Tag List:

@smolwash​

@huffle-princess​

@missrose-writes-stuff​

@wildspeciallavender​

@stuff-from-the-void-matron​

@justwritingscibbles​

@nekosounds​

@stretch-time​

@lady-bee-fechin​

[hatake-no-sharingan]

A Well Loved Copy (PART 1: Magical Places) 

Kakashi x Reader

Story Summary: Your cozy life as a bookseller is disturbed when a box of the worst books you could ever imagine arrives at your store, and with them a certain silver haired ninja to whom you are definitely not attracted.  

Relationship: Kakashi x Reader

Warnings: None

A/N: I wrote this first part a few days ago, but it still had a few things missing and I finally finished it today. I’m thinking it’s going to be at least 3 parts long (depending on how much my brain allows me to write) and that it’s going to be mostly fluff and romance, but I also want to add some angst. Hopefully you’ll all like it <3 Be kind and enjoy.

Magical Places

“God who even reads this crap” you tell yourself as you arrange the 20th copy of the latest Icha Icha Special Holiday Edition on the hot new arrivals shelf in the bookstore. “It’s unbelievable how they keep making new editions of the same trash and people actually buy them”

Last night, your boss had explicitly told you that he wanted the books in the most visible part of the store, because they were always a massive hit, unlike the beautiful short story books you had been forced to stash in a less noticeable shelf almost at the back of the store.

You spent hours admiring the graceful prose and the magical places they took you to, wishing your own writing was half as good. You knew most of those books by heart, and every time one of your favorite authors published one, you read it so many times until you could almost recite it word by word. That’s why your personal collection of books was small, but very well loved. Whenever you got the chance, you recommended them to customers, though almost none listened to you. However, those who did, always came back to thank you for it.

“It’s better to know one book intimately, than a thousand superficially” your mother told you when you were little, and to this day, the phrase stuck with you.

When your boss, the shop owner, told you to remove your favorite stories, the ones you knew intimately, from the best shelves to make space for what was basically porn disguised as a romantic thriller, it felt personal.

“I’m sorry, I know they’re good, but we need to give up the space for the best selling authors” your boss had told you yesterday night when he saw your frown as you removed them from sight. You ignored him for the rest of the time you were there while going through the new inventory together, and left the new arrivals unopened

“I’ll arrange them in the morning. If you don’t need anything else I’m leaving” you slipped your very worn book in your pocket, grabbed your keys and left.

That’s why people don’t read real literature, because it keeps getting hidden from sight and replaced with trash, you sigh.

Now you look towards the remaining boxes, the publisher sent way too many for your judgement, and decide to put them away in storage until more copies are needed, so you can still keep a few other not so crappy books on the star shelf.

When you’re returning from the storage room, you hear the door chime, signaling that a new customer is here. You check the time, barely 8:00am.

God, who’s here this early?

“IT’S HERE!” A silver haired man acting like a 6 year old in a candy store rushes in, and grabs 3, no, 4 copies of Icha Icha Special Holiday Edition without noticing he’s messing up your perfectly arranged shelf. “I literally waited a month for it! I need to read it now, it’s gonna be so good”

Is he talking to himself? Or to me?

The guy is bubbling with excitement, running his long fingers across the cover of the book on top. You don’t know why, but seeing the motion sends shivers down your very tired spine. You shrug, and start the computer to enter the day log into the system.

He walks to the counter, feeling giddy with the books and you get tense at the realization of who the guy you’ve been gaping at is.

The signature mask, the covered left eye and the nonchalant but confident walk give it all away.

He’s kinda hot in person, but his awful taste in books ruins it, you think.

“Would you like me to wrap those for you?” you manage to ask, pointing to the four copies he dropped on the counter. “Or would you rather do it yourself at home?” If I were his friend I’d kill him if he gave me that as a gift.

“Huh?”

“We offer a gift wrapping service.”

“Oh no, thank you, they’re not gifts. All four of them are mine”

“All four?” You ask, confused.

“Yeah, one’s my mission copy, another is my house copy, then the back up one, and the last goes on my shelves untouched”

“You must really like the series.” You say sarcastically, emphasizing on the word really.

“They are really good, contrary to popular belief. I know a lot of people judge them, but I swear if they actually read the series, they’d know it’s not just porn” he says with a chuckle, clearly aware you’re judging him.

“Ummm I don’t know” you say scratching the back of your head “I’d rather stick to real literature”

“Wait, you’ve never read them?”

“Nope”

“Not even one?”

“No no, wouldn’t want to waste my time”

“No wonder you’re staring at me like that” he says under his breath, and you pretend not to hear him. “What do you read, then? If you’re only into real literature”

You nod towards the last shelves in the room and then gesture to your own battered copy of The Cursed Beauties and Other Stories.

“They made me hide them away so I could make space for your special edition.”

“I’m sorry about that, maybe they can share a shelf next time.” Did he just smirk? Is he hitting on me? No, it must be me reading too much into things. “I’m Kakashi, anyway”

“I know, you’re kinda notorious amongst us booksellers, as the guy who buys too many copies of Icha Icha”

“Really?”

“No”

“Oh”

“You’re an important ninja okay?” He’s barely aware of it apparently “I have a few modern leaf history books here that mention you. And I think there might be a biography on you too, you’re definitely in the Yondaime’s. I had to read it for school, though I’m not very sure of how much truth is in it. Non ninja writers tend to exaggerate things huh? Not because I’m a ninja myself, becau-well, ummm I’m not, but I have read a lot, on ninjas I mean.” You get flustered when you catch yourself speaking a lot. He makes you nervous, alright? Even though he has bad taste in books and is a bit of an asshole, you can’t help but feel attracted overwhelmed by him.

You get an embarrassed smile from him too.

“I can’t imagine what in my life would be interesting enough to write about” he says, gently tapping his fingers to his temple “but I’ll tell you something, Icha Icha is interesting, way more fun to read than my life. I’d leave one of these copies here for you, but this isn’t the first book in the series, so you really wouldn’t understand it. But you should give the first one a shot, if you don’t like it, you’re allowed to hate me forever and judge my poor taste in books.” He heads for the door and makes his departure, but not before turning around and flashing you a big smile that you swore his whole face was glowing beneath all those coverings.

Something about him lingers with you for the rest of the day, as if he’d never really left the store.

The next morning when you come in, you notice there’s something inside the mailbox which catches your attention, only for the simple fact that you never get mailed anything small enough to fit in the mailbox. It’s always boxes upon boxes of books and gadgets related to literature.

You open it and take out a well worn copy that has definitely seen better days, of Icha Icha Paradise. There’s a small post it note stuck on the back cover scribbled with messy handwriting

Give it a shot, I promise you’ll like it. 

-K

P.S. Take care of it, it’s my favorite copy. Hopefully by entrusting you with it, you’ll decide to entrust me later with your own book ;)

Despite all your judgements and aversions to the series and the author, you make yourself a strong cup of coffee, sit back on your familiar spot, and open the book to the first page.

[queenlua]

hey, i started following you recently and ur bio says ur a hacker? any tips on where to start? hacking seems like a v cool/fun way to learn more abt coding and cybersecurity/infrastructure and i'd like to explore it but there's so much on the internet and like, i'm not trying to get into anything illegal. thanks!

huh, an interesting question, ty!

i can give more tailored advice if you hit me up on chat with more specifics on your background/interests.

given what you've written here, though, i'll just assume you don't have any immediate professional aspirations (e.g. you just want to learn some things, and you aren't necessarily trying to get A Cyber Security Job TM within the next three months or w/e), and that you don't know much about any specific programming/computering domain yet.

(stuff under cut because long)

first i'd probably just try to pick some interesting problem that you think you can solve with tech. this doesn't need to be a "hacking" project at first; i was just messing around with computers for ages before i did anything involving security/exploitation.

if you don't already know how to program, you should ideally pick a problem you can solve via programming. for instance: i learned a lot back in the 2000s, when play-by-post forum RPGs were in vogue.  see, i'd already been messing around, building my own personal sites, first just with HTML & CSS, and later on with Javascript and PHP.   and i knew the forum software everyone used (InvisionPowerBoard) was written in PHP.  so when one of the admins at my RPG complained that they'd like the ability to set multiple profile pictures, i was like, "hey i'm good at programming, want me to create a mod to do that," and then i just... did. so then they asked me to program more features, and i got all the sexy nerd cred for being Forum Mod Queen, and it was a good time, i learned a lot.

(i also got to be the person who was frantically IMed at 2am because wtf the forum is down and there's an inscrutable error, what do??? basically sysadmining! also, much less sexy! still, i learned a lot!)

the key thing is that it's gotta be a problem that's interesting to you: as much as i love making dorky sites in PHP, half the fun was seeing other people using my stuff, and i think the era of forum-based RPGs has passed. but maybe you can apply some programming talents to something that you are interested in—maybe you want to make a silly Chrome extension to make people laugh, a la Cloud to Butt, or maybe you'd like to make a program that converts pixel art into cross-stitching patterns, maybe you want to just make a cool adventure game on those annoying graphing calculators they make you use in class, or make a script for some online game you play, or make something silly with Arduino (i once made a trash can that rolled toward me when i clapped my hands; it was fun, and way easier than you'd think!), whatever.

i know a lot of hacker-types who got their start doing ROM hacking for video games—replacing the character art or animations or whatever in old NES games. that's probably more relevant than the PHP websites, at least, and is probably a solid place to get started; in my experience those communities tend to be reasonably friendly to questions. pick a small thing you want to do & ask how to do it.

also, a somewhat unconventional path, but—once i knew how to program a bit of Python, i started doing goofy junk, like, "hey can i implemented NamedTuple from scratch,” which tends to lead to Python metaprogramming, which leads to surprising shit like "oh, stack frames are literally just Python objects and you can manually edit them in the interpreter to do deliberately horrendous/silly things, my god this language allows too much reflection and i'm having too much fun"... since Python is a lot of folks' first language these days, i thought i'd point that out, since i think this is a pretty accessible start to thinking about How Programs Actually Work under the hood. allison kaptur has some specific recommendations on how to poke around, if you wanna go that route.

it's reasonably likely you'll end up doing something "hackery" in the natural course of just working on stuff. for instance, while i was working on the IPB forum software mods, i became distressed to learn that everyone was using an INSECURE version of the software! no one was patching their shit!! i yelled at the admins about it, and they were like "well we haven't been hacked yet so it's not a problem," so i uh, decided to demonstrate a proof of concept? i downloaded some sketchy perl script, kicked it until it worked, logged in as the admins, and shitposted a bit before i logged out, y'know, to prove my point.

(they responded by banning me for two weeks, and did not patch their software. which, y'know, rip to them; they got hacked by an unrelated Turkish group two months later, and those dudes just straight-up deleted the whole website. i was a merciful god by comparison!)

anyway, even though downloading a perl script and just pointing it at a website isn't really "hacking" (it's the literal definition of script kiddie, heh)—the point is i was just experimenting a lot and trying a lot of stuff, which meant i was getting comfortable with thinking of software as not just some immutable relic, but something you can touch and prod in unexpected ways.

this dovetails into the next thing, which is like, just learn a lot of stuff. a boring conventional computer science degree will teach you a lot (provided you take it seriously and actually try to learn shit); alternatively, just taking the same classes as a boring conventional computer science degree, via edX or whatever free online thingy, will also teach you a lot. ("contributing to open source" also teaches you a lot but... hngh... is a whole can of worms; send a follow-up ask if you want that rant.)

here's where i should note that "hacking" is an impossibly broad category: the kind of person who knows how to fuck with website authentication tokens is very different than someone who writes a fuzzer, who is often quite different than someone who looks at the bug a fuzzer produces and actually writes a program that can exploit that bug... so what you focus on depends on what you're interested in. i imagine classes with names like "compilers," "operating systems," and "networking" will teach you a lot. but, like, idk, all knowledge is god-breathed and good for teaching. hell, i hear some universities these days have actual computer security classes? that's probably a good thing to look at, just to get a sense of what's out there, if you already know how to program.

also be comfortable with not knowing everything, but also, learn as you go. the bulk of my security knowledge came when i got kinda airdropped into a work team that basically hired me entirely on "potential" (lmao), and uh, prior to joining i only had the faintest idea what a hypervisor was? or the whole protection ring concept? or ioctls or sandboxing or threat models or, fuck, anything? i mostly just pestered people with like 800 questions and slowly built up a knowledge base, and remember being surprised & delighted when i went to a security conference a year later and could follow most of the talks, and when i wound up at a bar with a guy on the xbox security team and we compared our security models a bunch, and so on.  there wasn't a magic moment when i "got it", i was just like, "okay huh this dude says he found a ring-0 exploit... what does that mean... okay i think i got that... why is that a big deal though... better ask somebody.." (also: reading an occasional dead tree book is a good idea. i owe my firstborn to Robert Love's Linux Kernel Development, as outdated as it is, and also O'Reilly's kookaburra book gave me a great overview of web programming back in the day, etc.  you can learn a lot by just clicking around random blogs, but you’ll often end up with a lot of random little facts and no good mental scaffolding for holding it together; often, a decent book will give you that scaffolding.)

(also, it's pretty useful if you can find a knowledgable someone to pepper with random questions as you go. finding someone who will actively mentor you is tricky, but most working computery folks are happy to tell you things like "what you're doing is actually impossible, here's why," or "here's a tutorial someone told me was good for learning how to write a linux kernel module," or "here's my vague understanding of this concept you know nothing about," or "here's how you automate something to click on a link on a webpage," which tends to be handier than just google on its own.)

if you're reading this and you're like "ok cool but where's the part where i'm handed a computer and i gotta break in while going all hacker typer”—that's not the bulk of the work, alas! like, for sure, we do have fun pranking each other by trying dumb ways of stealing each other's passwords or whatever (once i stuck a keylogger in a dude's keyboard, fun times). but a lot of my security jobs have involved stuff like, "stare at this disassembly a long fuckin' time to figure out how the program pointer got all fucked up," or, "write a fuzzer that feeds a lot of randomized input to some C++ program, watch the program crash because C++ is a horrible language for writing software, go fix all the bugs," or "think Really Hard TM about all the settings and doohickeys this OS/GPU/whatever has, think about all the awful things someone could do with it, threat model and sandbox accordingly." occasionally i have done cool proof-of-concept hacks but honestly writing exploits can kinda be tedious, lol, so like, i'm only doing that if it's the only way i can get people to believe that Yes This Is Actually A Problem, Fix Your Code

"lua that's cool and all but i wanted, like, actual links and recommendations and stuff" okay, fair. here's some ideas:

microcorruption: very fun embedded security CTF; teaches you everything you need to know as you're doing it.

cryptopals crypto challenges: very fun little programming exercises that teach you a lot of fundamental cryptography concepts as you're going along! you can do these even as a bit of a n00b; i did them in Python for the lulz

the binary bomb lab is hilariously copied by, like, so many CS programs, lol, but for good reason. it's accessible and fun and is the first time most people get to feel like a real hacker! (requires you know a bit of C beforehand)

ctftime is a good way to see when new CTFs ("capture the flag"s; security-focused competitions) are coming up. or, sometimes CTFs post their source code, so you can continue trying them after the CTF is over. i liked Stripe's CTFs when they were going, because they focused on "web stuff", and "web stuff" was all i really knew at the time. if you're more interested in staring at disassembly, there's CTFs focused on that sort of thing too.

azeria has good ARM assembly & exploitation tutorials

also, like, lots of good talks out there; just watching defcon/cansecwest/etc talks until something piques your interest is very fun. i'd die on a battlefield for any of Christopher Domas's talks, but he assumes a lot of specific x86/OS knowledge, lol, so maybe don’t start with that. oh, Julia Evans's blog is honestly probably pretty good for just learning a lot of stuff and really beginner-friendly?

oh and wrt legality... idk, i haven't addressed it here since it hasn't come up in my own work much, tbh. if you're just getting started you're kind of unlikely to Break The Law without, y'know, realizing maybe you're doing something a bit gray-area? and you can cross that bridge when you come to it? Real Hacking TM is way more of a pain-in-the-ass than doing CTFs and such, and you'll learn way more with the latter, so who cares lol just do the fun thing

[willowbird]

prompt: aaron had a slight ED that he developed as a kid and is now being noticeable to the rest of the foxes even andrew and nicky kinda knew he forgot to eat but the stress from school and exy makes it worse....

I could easily expand on this and maybe one day I will. It hits kinda close to home tho so I’m going to err on the side of brevity just for my own mental space. Thank you so much for the ask! I hope this is what you’re looking for ❤️ ❤️ Take care of yourselves!

Warnings for depression, eating disorder. 

Edit: this has been expanded and can also be found on my ao3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Ao3

-----

Wednesday | 6:04am

The alarm was screaming. 

Its cries crashed against his senses like sea-storm waves and Aaron was without shelter. The sound had been crowding him for four minutes now, and he still couldn't lift a hand to make it stop -- even though he was perfectly aware and wide awake. He wanted to stop the sound, he needed the quiet back, but for whatever reason his hand just wouldn't listen to his brain no matter how many times he willed it to move. 

Aaron hated days like this.

Wednesday | 8:43am

Nicky slung his arm around Aaron’s shoulders, a grin plastered on his face. His hair was slicked back like a low-budget greaser, halfway between wet and just damp. They’d just finished morning practice and he, Nicky, and Kevin were waiting out in the player’s lobby for Neil and Andrew to finish showering and changing so they could leave.

“Aw man, I am hungry. Please tell me that Andrew and Neil are gonna finish up soon so that we can go get a real breakfast.” Nicky's whining was easy enough to ignore most of the time, but today Aaron was tired and his patience was thin. He had three tests to study for, two essays to write, they had a game coming up on Friday, and Aaron didn't have the bandwidth for Nicky, too.

He shruged his cousin off with a snort. "I'm just gonna hitch a ride to the library." There were still a few hours before his first class of the day, and he needed to use that time for something productive.

"Aww, c'mon Aaron come to breakfast with us! We'll drop you at the library when we're done. It won't take too long!"

"What won't take too long?" When Aaron looked over, he saw Neil and Andrew coming out of the locker room, clean and changed.

"Breakfast!" Nicky announced. "Neil, tell Aaron to join us! It's a family breakfast -- he should be there!"

"You can't just label things "family" events as a way to require people to be there," Kevin said with a long-suffering sigh. Even so, Aaron noticed he already had the menu of their usual breakfast joint pulled up on his phone. The pictures of pancakes topped with glistening syrup and fluffy omelets made his stomach clench in an unpleasant way.

Aaron looked away.

"I've got a shit to do," he said. That would be his final word on it, and to demonstrate, Aaron turned to head toward the doors.

Except Andrew had moved to block him, though Aaron hadn't registered when his twin had circled them. Aaron frowned, lifting his chin in challenge.

Andrew just studied him for a long moment before looking just past Aaron, gaze darting over his shoulder to the others behind him. He lifted a hand and a second later a slim object snapped into it. When Andrew then held it out to him, Aaron saw it was a granola bar.

A quick glance over his shoulder exposed the granola bar thrower as Kevin, who was zipping his backpack shut. They matched gazes briefly and Kevin nodded toward the granola bar in Andrew's hand.

"If you aren't going to come to breakfast with us make sure you get something on your way to the library."

Aaron glared at him, then rolled his eyes and turned back to his brother. Andrew just looked at him, expression blank, and continued to hold out the damn granola bar like he could stand there all day without a care in the world.

A flash of resentment boiled through him. Of course Andrew could stand there so fucking unbothered. Barely anything affected him at all.

With an annoyed huff, Aaron snatched the bar out of Andrew's hand and shoved it into his pocket before stalking out of the building.

Wednesday | 1:15pm

Katelyn ❤️ (13:15): Hey baby! Prof Dixon bailed again ~ you free?

Aa. Min. (13:15): McCallister's?

Katelyn ❤️ (13:16): See u in 5! 😘

Wednesday | 1:23pm

Aaron stood inside the confused cacophony that was McCallister's, an on-campus restaurant that was the love child of a deli and a pub but four times too big, regretting his choices.

It wasn't even the noise that was bothering him the most. It was the smell.

Aaron took two steps into the restaurant and his stomach roiled. It twisted and tightened, curling in on itself in disgust at the sharp, slimy stench of cold cut deli meat cushioned on a waft of double-baked potatoes that filled the restaurant like wildfire's haze. He and Katelyn met here for lunch two or three times a week when their schedules lined up. They both liked the food and they had several corner booths where they could hide in and study together after eating. It was one of their favorite places. But right now, Aaron was fighting not to gag. 

“Aaron!” Relief warred with dread at the sound of Katelyn’s voice and he hastily plastered on an imitation of the smile he usually didn’t even have to think about, that always rose to his lips whenever she was around all on its own. It didn’t today, but for Katelyn he could make the effort. For Katelyn, Aaron could do anything. 

He turned around once that smile was fixed in place and wrapped his arms around her when she joined him, indulging in a quick kiss that soothed some of the nausea churning in his gut. When they broke apart, Aaron turned to lead them toward their usual booth but Katelyn stopped him with a hand on his arm.

“Babe is everything alright?” Worry painted a crease between her eyebrows, her mouth drawn down as she studied him. 

Most days, Katelyn’s concern warmed him. It made him feel seen and loved and cherished. Today it put a slash of anxiety through his lungs, breath seeping out through the cut and concaving his chest under the weight of her scrutiny. 

Aaron arranged his smile into something tired and unalarmed. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a long week, y’know?”

Katelyn hummed like she wasn’t sure she believed him but was deciding to trust him anyway, then she smiled and she released his arm only to take his hand, giving it a small squeeze. “Alright, then let’s get some lunch and shut out the rest of the world for at least a little bit, yeah?”

The smell of the restaurant was still choking him and even his skin felt tight. The absolute last thing he wanted to do right now was stay there another second, let alone the hour he had until he needed to think about heading to his next class.

“I’m so sorry Kate, I’ve got to meet with the TA for my history class. I remembered right after I texted you but I still wanted to see you so I figured I’d just tell you when you got here.” He offered an apologetic smile and did his best to ignore the way guilt was now mixing uncomfortably well with the sick already sloshing around in his stomach. Aaron did not like lying to Katelyn, it felt wrong. But he also couldn’t... he couldn’t explain what was wrong with him right now -- not because he didn’t know, but because he was sure explaining it was going to make him sound crazy and that was just the last thing he needed right now. It was better to slip away, go somewhere he could focus on homework or something and just... wait for it to pass.

Katelyn’s expression fell, flashing disappointment, then a sad understanding as she nodded. “Of course. It’s okay babe, really. I’m just glad I got to see you at all.” She smiled then -- that bright, warm, just-for-him smile that always had Aaron’s heart skipping. A small knot of tension loosened in his lower chest, just enough that he was able to take a small breath and offer a more genuine smile of his own in return. 

“I love you,” he told her. 

“I love you too, Aaron. Take care of yourself and I’ll see you later, okay?”

He made no promises before he made his escape, just a smile and a wave.

Wednesday | 3:37pm

The granola bar tasted like ash in his mouth. It felt like there were iron weights attached to his jaw, making it impossible for him to chew. A fist of repulsion locked around his throat, and it was a physical struggle to swallow. 

This was the worst part about days like this.

Aaron knew he had to eat something, because he knew what could happen if he didn’t and the only thing worse than having to put up with feeling this way, dragging himself through the mud of his own psychosis one step, one mile, at a time -- was doing it with everyone watching him struggle. 

So he forced himself through half the granola bar. He knew better than to push for more than that, or all his efforts would be wasted into the nearest trash can.

Wednesday | 7:51pm

Practice had been brutal. It had been so bad that even Nicky hadn’t been able to cheer himself through it and was just as bitter and on edge as the rest of them by the time they hit the showers. 

Aaron sat in the lobby and waited for the others, feeling old. He felt tired. He just wanted these stupid pissing contests to stop and everyone to shut up. He wanted the world to be completely silent, completely empty. Emptiness sounded nice. Sounded peaceful. Sounded right.

The sharp scuff of shoe-rubber against tile had him cringing so hard his shoulders ached and he peeled his eyes open to glare at the source. Andrew stood there, hands in his pockets, blank-faced and too knowing.

Aaron snorted and looked away. 

The couch shifted slightly as Andrew took the spot next to him. There was the soft shk of a blade cutting into something crisp and when Aaron looked over, Andrew was holding out a small sliver of apple. His brother wasn’t looking at him. Instead, the other Minyard was dispassionately staring at the tv, which was playing some sports channel that Aaron knew very well Andrew didn’t give a single shit about. 

For a long moment Aaron just stared at the side of his twin’s face, but it was impossible to know what, if anything, he was thinking about. Finally, he looked at the sliver of apple. It was pale, small, unobtrusive. Aaron’s stomach clenched, a mix between hunger and repulsion. All he’d had today was that half a granola bar -- which had been both too much and not enough. His throat tightened as he stared at that innocuous slice of fruit, but he was almost focused more on the hand holding it. His eyes burned and he looked away, but not before taking the slice. 

[minyoonmeme]

Normalcy of the Pretty Posse

Chapter 1 

Word Count: 2494

Pairing: reader x ?????

Genre: like 90% fluff, 10% stupid jokes and bad humor

Description: Stupid Jeongguk and his cute sweaters and pretty posse of hyungs. 

(Disclaimer: This will probably have some typos. I started writing this instead of doing some Statistics homework and spent so long on it that I have zero time to edit. Sorry~)

next

masterlist

There was no game plan. There never really had been, at least not for me. Making it past 16 was something I had never foreseen, never imagined I could do. And now, here I am, alone in a country in a university far from home with no idea how life is supposed to go. Okay, maybe I’m being pessimistic because I’m not completely alone. I have friends if you count the two idiots who don’t let me drown in takeout boxes on weekends. They’re wonderful, they really are, I promise. 

Yoonjin is the sweetest person I’ve ever met no matter how much I want to strangle her into putting herself first. She’s the one who calls me about anything and everything. Don’t tell her that I secretly love that she calls me first when something happens. Chaebin is my right hand gal. My broski. My homegirl. My uh… well she’s great honestly. She’s all bark and no bite with the strongest affiliation for cute things, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. These two are pretty much my whole life other than the impending doom of my failing future that I have chosen to personally personify. Makes it less scary if it's punchable, honestly. 

“Are you gonna actually do your work or are you gonna stare at your coffee all day?

Rolling my head to the side, I eye Chaebin with the blankest face I can muster. 

“I didn’t ask to be criticized when I asked you to come to the library with me.” 

“No, but you did ask me to make sure you finish your paper in time for practice tonight. Yoonjin will cry if you let her go by herself again.” I groan, throwing my head against the cushion of the booth’s chair. She’s right, I know she is. I’ve missed two weeks of dance workshops and Yoonjin, without missing a beat, after every workshop comes knocking on my door teary eyed and sputtering about how she was all alone and lost without me there. Food usually helps soften her up. 

“You think she’ll forgive me if I miss just one more week?” Chaebin twitches her eyebrow up as she side eyes me from her computer. I slump even further and push my laptop farther away in favor of laying my head down. “You’re right. She’ll probably accuse me of abandoning her and our friendship if I skip one more time.” 

“I’ve literally seen you pump out a 12 page research paper in 3 hours, just go dance or whatever tonight and stress yourself later.” 

“Anxiety and Red Bull are a toxic combo, but I’ll have you know that I got a 94 on that paper.” Smiling smugly, I turn my head to look at her. She’s not wearing her glasses today, so it’s hard to tell if she’s glaring at me or blind today. “If I bail, are you gonna be okay by yourself? I can swing by afterwards with Yoonjin, so you don’t have to walk home alone tonight.” 

Her glare softens as she shakes her head no before grabbing some eyedrops. Oh. So she is wearing her contacts. “No, I’ll be okay. I came packing.” Her right hand pats her bag before she smirks and continues searching through her syllabus. 

I eye her bag warily and half jokingly say, “Please, tell me you don’t have a gun.” 

Her face scrunches as she stares at me. “Are you stupid? Why would I have a gun? I meant I have my phone and a taser. Do I look like I know how to shoot a gun?” 

I shrug and start packing up my bag. My joints scream and pop from being stationary so long. “I am, do I look like I know how to shoot a gun? You never know Chae, I could be a highly skilled marksman just waiting to take someone out. I might not even be a real college student, just a really good undercover assassin.” 

Her nose twitches as she clicks open a few browsers. “You almost cried last night when you saw a stray cat ignore you. I highly doubt you’re killing anyone these days.” 

“Animals love me and that one hurt, don’t use my feelings against me. Don’t you remember when you cried because you thought I was ignoring you last year?” Her face dropped as she coughed into her shirt, trying to hide the red splotches. “I was literally sick for three days and you came to my apartment with food because you thought I hated you. What was it you said? Something about not being allowed to hate you if you fed me.” 

“We don’t talk about junior year, I was going through it.” Her voice was tight, but I could tell she was amused. “It’s almost 6 o’clock, you should text Yoonjin and tell her that you’re not abandoning her tonight.” She slides my bag towards me and lets me scoot past her out of the booth. 

“Yoonjin and I will be by later to walk you back to your apartment around 9:30. Sound good?” My legs wiggle as I try and get a feeling back into them from sitting so long. When I stand there longer than normal, her eyes flash up as she nods and waves her hand at me to leave. 

To: Yoonjin the Trash Bin

You wanna meet outside the commons tonight or walk over together?

From: Yoonjin the Trash Bin

WAHH 

YOU”RE COMMING? No more awkwardly standing in the back by myself!?!?!? :)))))))

[crying egg dog.pdf]

let’s meet in the the commons

To: Yoonjin the Trash Bin

7? By the double doors upstairs?

From: Yoonjin the Trash Bin

No, no, no my friend come ASAP. We have much to discuss.

To: Yoonjin the Trash Bin

Uh okay???? See you in like 10 minutes I guess??? 

From: Yoonjin the Trash Bin

See you! <3

_______________________________________________________________________

“You actually did come.” Yoonjin’s hand reaches out and pinches my arm before she settles back against the wall. “I thought for sure your text was all some weird daydream I had conjured up.”

“Chaebin convinced me that our friendship was on the line if I left you alone at another workshop for the third week in a row.” My bag landed on the ground as I slide down next to Yoonjin. Her hair, newly cut and dyed to a short choppy greyish purple bob, was still something I needed to get used to. Yoonjin had failed her midterm last week and as a result decided that her hair would rejuvenate her life and, thus, her will to study. I still don’t think she’s bought her textbooks for this semester yet, but that’s not my business. 

“As she should! It was your idea to start coming to these dance things, and you left me!” Despite her anger, she still turned her smoothie toward me as an offering. “I look like a loose limbed monkey in there. At least with you there, you explain the steps to me.” I choke on the smoothie a little bit, as she crosses her arms.

“Loose limbed monkey? Yoon, you look fine! These workshops are meant for people who don’t have dance experience. It was your idea to try dancing, I just found a place to do it” Her face contorts as she sips on her smoothie again, shaking it to mix it up and get some frustration out. 

“It wouldn’t be so bad if people like you or Jeong-fucking-guk didn’t kept coming. It’s not fair to suck and then have to watch you two just like magically do it.” Her head gets thrown back with a thud as she grunts. Immediately I laugh and rub the back of her head in oder to soothe the soon to be ache. 

“I can go if you want since you seem to not want me or Jeongguk here apparently.” Her eyes dart over to me in the most non threatening but threatening way possible for someone like her. “Okay, so I’ll stay. Make your mind up Yoonjin, I can’t keep playing these games with you.” I click my tongue against my teeth as she smacks my thigh closest to her. “You said something about Jeongguk coming right? Since when does he come out to these things? I thought he was a dance and choreography minor? Shouldn’t he be with the big dogs or something in like a real class dancing?” 

Yoonjin hums, offering me the rest of her smoothie. It’s a green looking health smoothie from a self proclaimed health bar down the street. It’s for sure my favorite, and definitely not her’s, so I take it and nudge her as a thanks. “That’s the thing, I didn’t even know he went to these things. Usually I just hang out with you and everyone else who hides in the back with me, but last week he came up to me and asked if you were still coming.” I raise my eyebrows in surprise and nod for her to continue. “I told him you’ve been busy and he kinda just nodded and shuffled away. He did tell me to tell you to take it easy though.” “Were you ever planning on telling me that a boy approached you about me?” 

“I'm telling you now and that’s all that matters. Besides, I thought you swore off men after the mishap freshman year with that one Tinder date.” 

Immediately my face heats up, and I grimace at the memory. “We don’t talk about that for a good reason, you brat.” If she’s mad I called her a brat, her smug smile doesn’t show it. I go to open my mouth and further yell at her for bringing up the traumatizing story when a pair of black heavy boots skids to a stop by my stretched out legs. 

Okay, so here's the thing about Jeon Jeongguk . He is terrifyingly good looking. So much so that looking at him hurts, like physically hurts. Jeon Jeongguk could punch me in the face and I would say thank you for the attention and bow before passing out. Okay, that’s perhaps way too far but he is attractive and built. God, is he built. And he’s not even an asshole about it! Most guys who exercise thrive on showing off their bodies and flaunting their muscles. Not Jeon Jeongguk , though., Nope! Jeongguk wears sweaters and button ups that make him resemble a Korean version of Mr. Rogers. All smiles and kind eyes with a heart of gold. Men like Jeongguk are the reason I have heart issues and top notch acting skills. 

“You’re back!” My eyes blink a few times at Jeongguk before I register that he's looking at and me actually speaking. When I don’t say anything Jeongguk fiddles with the sleeve of his shirt and looks at Yoonjin before letting out a cough. He speaks a little calmer now, more airy and rushed. “Yoonjin said you’ve been busy and I was worried you weren’t gonna come back ‘til next semester. Not that I worried about you or like not not worried about you, but uh…” He sputtered a little and lets out a small huff of air before ruffling his hair back. My lips pressed together as I swing from internally swooning over his cuteness to the attractiveness of him pushing his hair back. “It’s good so see you back. Hobi hyung, says it's good to have some experienced people in the class to encourage and help beginners.”

“Is that why you keep coming too?” 

Maybe he doesn’t expect my question or for me answer him at all, but he blinks a little too hard and shyly looks over my shoulder rather than my face. It’s cute and maybe it makes a smile break out on my face. Just maybe though. “Yes! Hobi-hyung asked me to help him since he can’t uh ya know help everyone at once.” He doesn’t sound too sure of himself, but I let it go seeing as this is our first comprehensible conversation. 

“That’s sweet of you to help your hyung for free. Does Hoseok-shi think I’m there to do the same? I feel a little bad missing the past two weeks if you’ve been doing it all by yourself.” I frown and pinch my eyebrows a little tighter, looking the direction of the doors. Should I apologize? Yoonjin beside me, I can tell, has grown more and more interested in our conversation as she undoubtedly is texting our group-chat with Chaebin about what's happening. She nudges me to focus when the conversation stalls a little. The nerve of her, I swear.

Jeongguk , getting redder and slightly more panicky, shakes his head no a little too roughly. His hair looks a little messed up, and I nearly squeal with the need to fix the adorable mess that he is right now. Outside, however, I just smile softly and encourage him to explain. “Hobi-hyung and I are okay, you’re just like an added bonus to class cause you know you obvious have some experience with your technic and seem to pick up the dances quickly.” It’s a little rushed, but I think I make out everything he’s saying.

“Are you trying to say I’m a good dancer Jeongguk ?” It’s meant to be lighthearted and playful, but Jeongguk physically widens his eyes and looks everywhere, but in my direction for a few seconds before he stops trying to voice anything out just nods. My hands clasp in my lap as a I suppress a smile and will the flush to disappear from my cheeks. “Thanks, you dance really well too. I can see why you’re studying dance.” 

Jeongguk whispers the faintest, “Thank you,” before shoving his thumb in the direction of the door indicating that he’s gonna help them set up for the workshop. I wave goodbye and watch as he does the same and dashes behind the door. Now that he’s gone, I can breathe a little easier. That was probably the weirdest experience I’ve had today, or this week for that matter. Pretty people don’t just go up to me and talk, let alone me of all people. And when I say pretty people, I mean pretty people like Jeongguk and his pretty posse of friends.  Jeongguk and his hyungs are just uncommonly so pretty and somehow together all the time. Even now Jeongguk is inside with Jung Hoseok, a graduate student who hosts the beginner dance workshops on Thursday. The fact that  Jeongguk even talked to me, or asked about me last is enough to twist my insides a little. Normal people talk to people all of the time, but  Jeongguk was not normal and his hyungs are not normal. I mean they are, but they project this ethereal aura that just intimidates everyone. So, why for the love of God was Jeon Jeongguk just talking to me?

“Are we gonna talk about what just happened or are you gonna keep staring at the door?”

“Shut up, I'm trying to process everything.”

[delirious-and-slightly-murderous]

For the WIP ask game: please tell us something about Procrastinating Painter and exasperated but horny manager?

Hi Anon!😊 So glad you asked about this one.

So this is, at its core, a character study. 

A little tidbit of information about me: I am a master procrastinator. And not only when it comes to writing but in all aspects of my life too. I am lazy. If I can do it later, I will do it later. And I'll keep pushing it back as much as I can until I can't anymore. Thanks to this I've become a master at finishing projects with very little time and a deadline hanging like a sword of Damocles over my head. I work best under pressure. That's why I sometimes lose interest in my fics so easily. If I don't have a deadline it's very hard for me to get stuff done.

Soooooo, all this to say that one day, while I was despairing over my WIPs I started thinking about the different ways an artist or creator can deal with procrastination. And then, because every idea I get now mostly concerns or can be applied to Berlermo, I said to myself: But what if Andrés was a master procrastinator like me?

And BAM!

This thing was born. (Also I find it kinda ironic and hilarious that a character study in procrastination ended up as a WIP, don't you agree?).

So the basic idea is that Andrés is a moderately known and successful painter. He's not as successful as he could be because he's very particular and picky with his work and who he works for. So he only paints when he wants to and what he wants to. Which would be fine except that he is a procrastinator so his work is scarce.

Enter Martín, who is Andrés' best friend/agent and kinda friend with benefits. He is the one in charge of making sure Andrés gets stuff done even if the man in question does not want to. This means that Martín lives in a constant state of awe at Andrés' genius and talent, and also exasperation because of his laziness and inability to do what he's told. Also he is very much in love with Andrés and hates himself because of it.

So the fic in itself would cover the span of a month while Martín tries to get Andrés to work on an important commision for a famous gallery. From him we would see his struggle with perceived unrequited feelings for a man he feels he cannot fully come to understand. Andrés would procrastinate and we would see all his process and struggle with it. Until a couple days before the exhibition when Martín is about to kill Andrés, his genius strikes and he goes and produces a masterpiece (a masterpiece that may or may not be inspired by Martín).

So mostly it would focus on the art, the feels, the procrastination, and then the mad rush to get things done in time. (And I'd like to think I'd write it with a very oniric feel to it. Oh and also smut, so very like soulful and poetic smut. But well I don't think that's gonna happen.)

(Oh and also a happy ending where they end up confessing their feelings because I'm weak like that😁.)

So here have a snippet:

Martín started pacing and swore as he narrowly avoided walking into a bucket of bright red paint. 

The room was positively tiny and he still couldn't understand why Andrés insisted on spending all his time in it like some kind of recluse. The monastery was big enough to accommodate docens of people at one time but Andrés was happy to cram himself in the tiniest, most uncomfortable room he could find.  

He wondered how Andrés could live like that. The room was cramped, cluttered with books, canvases, sculptures and various bits of artistic trash. It looked like a museum's warehouse, if museums threw invaluable works in a warehouse without thought or care to what became of them. As he walked he deftly avoided discarded pieces of paper, empty paint tubes and old brushes. It was dirty, paint and dust covered every surface. The space not taken up by art supplies was used by a mattress on the ground shoved unceremoniously into a corner, a small coffee table and an enormous oak work table that seemed to be the centerpiece of the place.

Amongst all this chaos there stood Andrés, serene and unperturbed, unaware of his surroundings. With a brush on each hand and one clenched between his teeth. Before him a half painted canvas stretched like a vision of doom. The colors bleak and depressing. A mirage of untold horrors that sucked the life out of the area around it. The air seeming to grow heavier, dense and charged, stilted and dead. 

Martín could feel it in his bones, the emotions Andrés put into his work always expanding and resonating within him, turning him into a vessel for what Andrés couldn't say.

He was choking on an invisible weight and fought against it to unfurl his tongue from the dry cavern of his mouth and produce a sound. He knew the other man wasn't happy and that his intervention would only make things worse. But he had to shatter the looming tension before it swallowed him whole.

"Why don't you find another place. Maybe an apartment closer to the city."

Andrés didn't stop in his work but his shoulders tensed imperceptibly and the fingers of his left hand started drumming against the brush he wasn't currently using. He shook his head softly, his motions fluid and liquid. A delicate movement of silk floating in water.

"I'm not moving in with you Martín."

Martín closed his eyes, the bright hot pang in his heart a familiar caress at this point. He was like an addict, his feelings for Andrés a raging force that ravages his body and leaves him empty and aching. And still he willingly comes back for more, each time climbing higher with the knowledge that when he hits the ground it'll be more violent than before, the pieces impossible to pick up.

"That's not what I'm asking, you know it's not."

Andrés dipped his brush in a mug near his hand, washing out the dark paint, flicking the brush and creating a splatter of black bottomless dots, giving birth to a galaxy in the space that separates them.

"Don't ask things for which you know you won't like the answer."

Andrés' strokes become forceful then, the brush colliding against the canvas in an uncontrolled manner. The anger and frustration behind the movement captures Martín. He feels like a chick standing at the precipice. He can jump and take flight, taste the freedom and exhilaration of the wind rushing through his wings. Closing his eyes and diving not knowing if he's ready to fly the possibility of the deadly agonising crash a dark shadow at his back.

He was saved from having to make the choice by Andrés humming lowly in his throat.

"I love you Martín, but I'm not going to give up my life for you."

That familiar caress is back and the little chick is safely back in it's nest. The precipice dissolving and the unforgivable ground surging up to meet him, ripping him away in a manner more painful than any death. He shrugs, hunching in on himself, knowing the matter is closed and forgotten.

"Pass me my coffee." He demands, plastering a fake plastic smile on his face. While Andrés chooses to ignore the burning heat of things left unsaid that slowly melt the plastic away. Leaving behind a partially uncovered picture of a grotesque truth.

"I'm painting." Came the absent minded reply, the willful ignorance of man with a staggering lucidity of all the consequences of his actions.

Martín got up stretching legs that felt numb, forced to carry the weight of an unfathomable burden. He slowly walked towards Andrés, his steps the slow and lifeless cadence of the condemned, prolonging the inevitable in their approach to the gallows. 

He took his mug and took a long and deep sip of the liquid inside. He became aware of his mistake when Andrés turned to him with a steaming mug in his hand and a confused frown wrinkling his brow. 

Martín immediately opened his mouth, the dark paint water running down his chin like vomit, maring his shirt and staining skin and teeth. In the sickly pale light of the naked bulb, with the shadows under his eyes and the lingering hurt in his being, it made him look like a corpse throwing up thick and rotten blood.

Andrés laughed, the sound had a hysterically joyful quality to it, a discordant note in the gloominess of the room. It immediately invaded them, running through every crevice, every nook and cranny, injecting light and giving back the life that had been sucked out by the oppressing darkness.

The room changed completely, becoming bright and warm without suffering any real physical changes. It was infectious, contaging Martín and changing him from the inside out without his notice.

The rest of the afternoon was spent in a comfortable silence. And the next time Martín stopped for a visit the room felt warm and homely, cosy and welcoming. He also found that the mugs had marker scribbles on them. One read 'Martín' the other 'Paint Water'.

It put a small smile on his face.

Well Anon, it's really shitty right now and needs a lot of polishing and editing, but I hope you enjoy this and that it doesn't disappoint.☺

[dannydouni]

I got tagged by @faceless-dude for smth. And like. All I want to say is that you so much. Cuz I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for months and I didn’t know when would be a good time to post it. Or like update it or like just when I should do anything with it. So yeah. Thank you so much for helping me get the chance to post this :)))

“I’ve had this in my drafts for some time now probably since the Canadian thanksgiving and like only touched on it a few times, and well I never got to post it cuz I got well uuuhhh... shy I guess and at that time a lot of things were going down and stuff. And because of that I just felt like it had no meaning whatsoever anymore. So I thought I’d edit it a bit so it fits better and so I can finally post it and stuff.... sometimes it’s nice to get something out there after having it written down for so long. And well what better time to post it than now XD on New Years!. Anyways here it goes”

Hey guys, friends especially, ITS A NEW YEAR!!!!!! I just wanted to pop in and say that...well...thank you. And while I don’t really mean this directly to anyone so far (details for ppl that I know on this app will be written later on in this post). I know it’s usually super cheesy and just cringe and stuff but I honestly couldn’t care less about that stuff when it comes to the people close to me and to the people I love and care about. So I would like to take this opportunity to thank y’all. First and foremost. What the actual fuck guys. Why lmao. Out of everyone in this world you bunch picked the weirdest, ugliest and just straight up stupidest dude out there to be friends with XD, y’all do know there was much better than this out there right XD. I legit have no competition since I’m just so bad LOL. But still, for some reason, with all the shit I just listed y’all still decided it was a good idea to be friends with me. Y’all still decided it would be a great idea to stick with me up until now. Y’all still decided that I could belong with other people that I could fit it with you guys. That I could.... have genuine, real and just straight up amazing friends. I have absolutely no fucking clue how this turn of events happened. But I can say this with full certainty. You guys have changed my life. You guys are probably the main reason I’m still kicking around to this day lol. You guys are the reason I keep going and keep living and just keep enjoying the tiny gifts that life has to offer sometimes instead of pain XD. I still don’t and probably will never understand why or how god or life decided to be nice to me the few times I met one of you but I’m honestly so eternally grateful that I just... I have no words almost.... I just don’t know what to say sometimes. It’s honestly so out of this world how amazing and nice some of you are even tho I’m like the complete trash of this world XD. In all honesty.... without you guys I’d probably not even be here lmao... I’d probably would’ve just went on with my life with nothing to wish or hope for other than for the next day to pass even quicker than the last.... or just for days to just over as soon as they start... I won’t say more cuz that’s shit is personal and I’m not about to write that in public 😎. But like I know for sure that without you guys. I would not be here right now. So thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for all the memories you’ve given me, the countless nights you’ve made me die of laughter, The countless times you’ve made me choke and almost die from how funny something would be, the countless times you’ve made me think “damn I don’t ever want to wake up from this dream if this is not real”. Just thank you, for talking to me, for letting me vent, for letting me be there for you when you were there for me, for being my rock to lean on, for helping me go through the toughest of times like if it was a normal day. Thank you guys so much for treating me like an equal, for being friends with me, for playing with me, for inspiring me, for teaching me new things and helping me with anything I could ever ask for. Thank you guys so much, and while words will never be able to fully explain what I fully mean or what I fully feel. But I hope that this at least will give you an idea of how greatfull I am for you guys... i hope this will show you how thankful I am for you guys. I love you guys so much that the word love just can’t even express how much you guys truly mean to me. You guys have changed my life for the better and even tho I will probably never be able to repay that I’m hoping that I can do something to at least return how much y’all have done for me. And even tho a lot of the people I mean by this message are not on Tumblr I have a few that are and it is for that reason that I will thank you and write something for you guys here too. So here is the part for the specific people.

@frogb, Genny :)

Genny :D

GENNYYYYY >:D

Good God..... how are you even real XD well to start off, a quick intro :).... probably my only irl friend that is actually active on this app and of course MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER IN THE WORLD AND THE #1 PERSON IN MY LIFE >:), I want to take this opportunity to just thank you again (I know I’ve said a a bunch of times and you probably hate me for saying it a lot XD, that along with sorry :(((( I can’t really control that Lmao but I’m getting better at it right :D). You....you’re my best friend :)... you have changed my life for the better way too many times cuz. I’ve honestly lost count dude. I’ve lost count. I just want you to know that even tho I said that the first thing I wrote on this post was meant for a bunch of people. I was really mainly thinking about you when I wrote it. Ever since you’ve been part of my life. You have made sure to change it completely. And only for the good and for the better. I don’t think you have a genuine idea of how much you’ve changed my life and how much you’ve made me happy :)... thank you Genny thank you so much for being the best thing to ever happen to me. Genny you truly are the best most amazing, kindest, nicest, loveliest, most wonderful, most talented person I’ve ever met. Look I won’t write my full thing here since...well I’ll say the rest to you directly. But well .. Genny... I love you... I love you so fucking much alright :D thank you for being the highlight of my life. Thank you for being you Genny and thank you for being here for me and just being my best friend in the world :)

@ritsu-in-a-maid-dress , heyyy duuuudee buddy chum buddy pal XD (don’t ask lmao), I know we like met only a few weeks ago actually idk maybe at the point when I actually decide to post this it’ll be months or like a year 😳 (and if it is HOLY SHIT WTF I HOPE I ACTUALLY TOLD YOU SOMETHING IN THAT TIME CUZ DAMN) and well so far, you have been nothing but an amazing, way too nice, handsome friend that has somehow probably one of the sweetest hearts out there. You’re actually so fucking funny and have made my day much better sometimes just from the very few talked we’ve had lmao (correction now it’s actually been quite a few 😳and honestly they’re getting to much better and funnier so thank you so much for making me laugh :D (oh and I will never forget that one call we had for 3 FUCKING HOURS DUDE!!!! THAT WAS AWSOME!!!) ) and while at first I was very shy to even talk to you. I’m happy that I can comfortably say hi without any regrets or anything lmao. I will tell you something I’m very thankful for in dm too cuz it’s kinda private :) so yeah.... thank you so much for being you and being my friend :D

@quellfy yoooooo duuuudde I don’t think we’ve ever really interacted on here but I’ve talked to you on the server and well I can know from there that. You’re just such an amazing and kind person. And that every time we talk I have a great time :)) I don’t know a lot about you but I do know that you’re an amazing artist who has amazing art (yes even when it’s not sad “pointing at alluka in snow drawing” amazing) and that you’re such a kind and I nice human being who’s been just super nice and good to me :)) so thank you. For being my friend and for being such an amazing human being :D

@faceless-dude yooooo I don’t think we’ve properly talked before but like :))) I really think you’re an amazing person and just super talented. Your art is something I’ve never seen before and I really really think it’s unique and just amazing. Thank you for your wonderful wishes. And yeah dw. I plan on keeping that promise >:) Gen will get her booties kicked just like you asked XD

@kur-upira we probably only interacted a few times. But in those few times. I could tell what kind of person you are and how much of an amazing person you are :D. I can tell you that just from those few times. I was able to see how much of a beautiful, talented (yes holy shit. I cannot stress this enough. I love your artstyle and good god it’s so good everything from the actual drawings to the shading to the colouring. It’s amazing dude. I really mean that. It’s one of the most unique and most beautiful artstyles I’ve ever seen), friendly and just amazing human being you are :))) thank you for those few interaction (which probably took me whole days to respond to because of anxiety and bs XD sorry about that lmao) and yeah. I would absolutely love to get to know you better and to interact more with each other :D

@starrynarwhale, I know we like pretty much only interacted like twice with each other but from those few times. I knew that you were a wonderful person :) not just an amazing person. But a very talented one too :D (your art is amazing dude. It’s really great. Not only that but like. Can I just say that. Your frog gon fridays are godly dude. They’re always so fucking cool and wholesome 🥺🥺I love them so much. Amazing) you seem like a very kind and amazing person so yeah :)) I’d love to get to know you better :D

@catboyyouko yooooo. I know we probably have only interacted once but let me tell you dude. You’re a wonderful, amazing, nice, kind and extremely talented human being. (Dude you don’t understand. Your art is fucking amazing. Not only that but your comics are so goddamn great too. Not just in an art way but in a story way too. It’s just always so amazing) oh and also like... I see that you vent a lot and stuff and just wanted to let you know that if you ever needed someone to talk to or vent to. I’m here for you. I feel like you’re such an amazing person and I would love to get to know you better :) so yeah. If you ever need anyone to talk to. I’m here alright :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. I LOVE YOU ALL SO FUCKING MUCH

And if I didn’t @ you I promise It’s just cuz I’m too scared to bother you and @ Ing this many ppl has already made my anxiety skyrocket.

[davidobitch]

All I Want | Ilya Feddy

(A/N: I have to repost this cuz idk what happened but literally the entire writing just disappeared after I posted. good thing i write everything on google before i transfer it all to tumblr. i love being smart sometimes. anywaysss this is kinda based off the song All I Want by Olivia Rodrigo. its a a cute song and kinda hits home so why not use it as inspo!)

It’s been about a year and a half since you moved to L.A. to be with Natalie and David. You were truly living your best life. Kind of.

Working for David was insane. Every day was different, you had some of the best friends you could ask for, your boyfriend was perfect...on paper.

He did nice things for you. Like open doors, send you bouquets of flowers to your place, he even drops everything when you’re going through one of your days.

But he was lying to your face almost every weekend.

It was hard keeping a big secret when more than half the time it eats you alive and you can’t tell anyone about it. You knew if you did everything would turn to shit and you would be alone again.

You started thinking back to Chicago. Everything there was perfect, too. But all good things had to end.

Like your relationship with Ilya. He was perfect on paper and on screen. You knew nobody would compare to him but your love didn’t last. It was hard fighting for love that wasn’t being met halfway.

Your thoughts were interrupted with David telling you the news.

“I bought Ilya and Alex plane tickets to stay for the weekend,” He said causing Natalie to squeal from happiness as she missed her best friends.

You faked a smile, trying to convince everyone around you that you were happy with this. You were more excited to see Alex than Ilya. Sure Ilya’s been to L.A. countless times to visit, but you found yourself “busy” whenever he was he, clearly avoiding him.

“I’m gonna go pick them up in like an hour. If you could get the house cleaned a little that would be great,” David said as he retreated back to his room, probably to finish editing.

You could feel Natalie’s eyes burning holes into you. “What, Natalie?” You said, letting out a sigh as you dropped down on the couch.

Mimicking your actions, Natalie sat next to you, nudging your side. “So. Ilya. You gonna be okay with this?”

You shrugged your shoulders, not knowing yourself if you were going to be okay. “Yeah, we’re on good terms. I’ll probably be out with Nick anyways,” Your fingers tugged at the hem of your shirt, trying not to let your lies consume you.

“Oh come on. You and I both know that’s a lie. David’s too dumb to realize it but I see right through you,” Natalie replied, giving you a look.

Your mind was racing. She knows. How does she know? Fuck.

“What’s a lie?” You asked, playing dumb and hoping she wouldn’t say what you worked so well on covering up.

“That you and Ilya are on good terms. And you’re definitely not going to be okay.”

You let out a breath that you didn’t realize you were holding in. “I’ll be fine, I swear,” you said before getting up to clean the house.

Natalie let out a groan not happy that you weren’t opening up to her.

The hour came and went as you watched David rush around his place, trying to find his keys and wallet before finally leaving to pick up his friends. 

Quickly cleaning the rest of the rooms, you took a quick shower, not wanting to look so gross in front of your friends. Even though they’ve seen you in worse conditions. You were hoping that once you were done getting ready, you would still have time to sneak out before David got back. But with your luck, as soon as you stepped out of the bathroom the front door opens and loud voices boom through the house.

“I’m so happy you’re here!” You hear Natalie yell as you round the corner to see her hugging Ilya.

“(Y/n)! What’s up!” Alex yells as he makes his way to you, pulling you into a hug. You haven’t seen him since you moved and his arms made you feel like you were back home.

He let you go just in time for your eyes to fall onto Ilya, who was already looking at you.

You didn’t know what to do, so you smiled softly at him before he made the move to hug you.

You relaxed under his touch as you nuzzled your face into his neck.

Now this is home.

“How are you?” He asks as he pulled away.

“Good...great, actually,” You said, barely believing your own words, “How are you? How’s Chicago?”

Ilya ran his hand through his hair before going back to where everyone else was standing. “I’m good, Chicago’s okay. It’s kinda boring without you guys though.”

You all make your way to the living room to finish talking.

“Well it’s a good thing everyone’s coming over later. It will definitely be everything but boring,” David laughed and shook his head. He knew by the end of the night, this place would be trashed again.

You got up from the couch getting ready to leave when you were stopped.

“Where are you going?” Ilya asked, his eyes not leaving yours, “We just got here,”

You tried breaking eye contact but his stare was holding yours hostage, “I, uh. I forgot I had plans with Nick later. We’ll be back later if we have time.” You said, finally breaking free from his stare.

You quickly said your goodbyes and left before anyone else could say anything. As you sat in your car, trying to control your feelings, you heard a knock on your window. Almost jumping out of your seat, you roll it down to be face to face with David.

“Everything okay?” He asked, “I know it’s probably weird with Ilya and everything but I figured you would be over it by now.”

You were taken aback by his choice of words. He of all people should know what it’s like to deal with a breakup but still having to be around them.

“Shit, no. Sorry. I meant that I thought you would be over him. Y’know with like Nick being in your life and everything.” David tried to explain himself.

You shook your head, letting it go, “It’s fine. I’m fine, really. I actually have to go though,” You say before putting your car in reverse.

David backs away, letting you leave, “Fine but promise you’ll stop by later. I know Alex and Ilya miss being around you.”

You open your mouth but close it, repeating this a couple times before finding your words. “I don’t know, Dave. I’ll try.”

You waved goodbye before pulling away from his house. On the drive home you couldn’t help but think of Ilya. You missed him. As your best friend. As your boyfriend. Life was better with him in it and you wished things worked out between you guys. 

When you got to your house, you saw that your boyfriend’s car was in the driveway, immediately feeling guilty about thinking of another guy that wasn’t him.

Just as you were getting out of your car, you see him coming out the door with a suitcase in hand.

“Hi baby, I’m sorry. I have a work thing this weekend. It’s last minute and I have to leave now or I’ll miss my flight,” your boyfriend says, only stopping for a second to kiss you.

“I thought we had plans?” You said, trying to hold back tears. 

Not even turning around, Nick shouts over his shoulder, “I know I’ll make it up to you when I come back. I promise.” He puts his luggage in his trunk and gets in his car. Just as you think he’s about to leave, he gets out and runs up to you. He grabs your cheeks and pulls your face to his, kissing you more passionately than he ever has.

“I love you, I wish I could stay for the weekend,” He says as he pulls away, pecking your lips once more before officially leaving.

You let out a quiet groan as you walked inside your home, letting the tears fall the second the door closed behind you.

You fell to the ground as the emotions you’ve been feeling for the past forever came out at once and you couldn’t hold anything back. Tear after tear, sob after sob, you let it all out. Not caring if your neighbors could hear your frustrated screams coming from your home.

When you finally decided you’ve had enough crying for the day, you picked yourself up and changed into more comfortable clothing. You spent the rest of your day on your couch, catching up on all the shows and movies you haven’t seen in a while.

You didn’t realize you fell asleep until you were awakened by your phone going off, almost for a minute straight. Coming out of your sleepy haze and looked around for your phone soon to realize it was in your purse across the room. You let out a sigh of relief when it stopped ringing, concluding you didn’t have to get up anymore.

Another 10 or so minutes before you heard your phone ringing again. You grabbed it out of your purse and retreated back to your spot on the couch. Looking at the home screen, you saw you had 3 missed calls from David, 1 from Ilya and countless messages from a group chat you were put in with everyone from Vernon Hills. Most of the messages were about going to David’s for a party. Something you certainly didn’t want to do tonight.

You opened Ilya’s message last, wondering why he was texting you.

When are you coming over? Wanted to catch up

You left him on read along with everyone else. The last thing you wanted to do was be around people, let alone drunk people and your ex...who you still had strong feelings for.

Another hour went by with your phone being silent for once. Just as you were finding yourself drifting back to sleep, you heard a couple knocks at your door. Putting your TV on mute so whoever was there didn’t hear you were home, you quietly sat and waited for them to leave.

They knocked again, this time a little louder. “(Y/n). Open the door, I know you’re home,” you heard David’s voice behind the barrier, “I’m alone. Please let me in.”

You let out a huff and let him in, quickly closing the door behind him. Instead of greeting him, you went back to where you spent the last 4 hours.

“So what’s up?” David asks, sitting across from you on the couch.

You kept your gaze forward while you shrugged your shoulders. “Shouldn’t you be at your house to maybe supervise your party?” you ask, genuinely curious as to why he left his very expensive house in the hands of drunk people.

“First of all, Natalie is keeping an eye on it. Second of all, don’t change the subject,” David said sharply, making you flinch slightly from the anger that laced his words. “We’ve been friends for how many years? And you’re seriously going to sit there and not talk to me? Cmon (y/n).”

You could feel the tears building up again as you started to think about everything that was going wrong. Quickly covering your face, you let the tears fall. David pulled you into his side to comfort you, not caring if his shirt gets drenched.

“All I want is love that lasts, Dave. But apparently that’s too much to ask for,” You say in between sobs. “Is there something wrong with me?”

“Hey, what? No no no, (y/n) you’re incredible. Did something happen with Nick?” David asks, moving the stray hairs that stuck to your face.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. Everything happened with Nick. Running your hands through your hair, you tried to think of words to fit your sentences. But every time you opened your mouth, you were on the verge of crying even harder.

“I know he goes out and cheats almost every weekend,” You finally say, barely audible. Fiddling with the blanket on your lap, you didn’t dare look at David. You could already feel his judgemental stare burning holes into your head.

“Is that a joke? (Y/n) why the fuck do you stay with him if he’s going out and doing shit like that?” David hisses, more mad at the situation than he is at you. 

“I don’t know, David, okay! I don’t fucking know why I stay. Maybe because he’s the only guy that’s ever met my expectations and didn’t leave when things got rough!” Your voice boomed through the room. As you glanced at David, you could see his entire body soften, knowing who you were talking about.

He let out a sigh as he played with his hair, for once not knowing what to say. You two sat in silence for a couple minutes before he finally said something, “He didn’t leave because things got rough, (y/n). He left because he was scared. And he didn’t want to make things worse for you,” David says, playing with the ends of his hair.

When you were with Ilya, almost a year into the relationship you started to figure out he had an alcohol addiction. But when you confronted him about it, he froze up and wouldn’t talk to you for weeks. If he did, it was short answers and always bailed on plans. 

“I don’t get why he couldn’t just tell me what was going on. We were best friends and now we’re just...nothing.” You said, looking at David for answers.

“I don’t know why he does anything but I promise you he never had any intentions on hurting you and I know that doesn’t help anything. But I know Ilya, he never wanted to end things with you. He loves you, (y/n), he just didn’t know what to do.” David ruffled his hair, slightly messing it up.

Sitting in silence once again, you moved over to David’s side, cuddling into him. “I miss the good old days. When we were all together every day. We were so young and naive, yknow?” You said, reminiscing on your childhood. “I always thought the perfect guy would come and find me. But I guess happily ever after doesn’t really come so easily,” You let out a little chuckle, realizing how different everything is now compared to how you thought it would turn out.

“It definitely doesn’t, but that’s the good thing about life. You find someone new who shows you what you want and what you don’t want. What you need and what you don’t need. And I can tell you right now, what you don’t need is Nick. You don’t need someone who can easily go out and cheat on you every weekend, not caring that you’re home by yourself most of the time.” David traced circles on your arms, keeping you calm through this whole situation.

“I think I want to talk to Ilya. Like tonight. I need to do something before he leaves and I know if I don’t do it soon, I probably never will.” You said, moving away from David’s grasp and standing up. You could see the confusion in his face but he still had a small smile playing on his lips.

The drive to David’s was nerve racking. You tried to think of words that made sense but all you could come up with was nonsense. You felt your palms become clammy as his house came into view. The music could be heard miles away. As David pulls into his driveway, he looks over to you and asks, “You ready?”

You nod your head once before getting out. You felt a sudden wave of confidence crash over you as you stepped through the door, your eyes immediately landing on Ilya. Heat ran through your body as you saw how happy he looked, something you haven’t seen in what felt like an eternity. You heard everyone yell your name, happy to see you, but all you were focused on was him.

Slowly losing your confidence with every step, you made your way to Ilya who started to meet you halfway. “Hey,” you said when you were finally face to face.

“Hey,” Ilya replied, shoving his hands in his pockets. “You came in here pretty fierce,” he said, laughing at his words.

You couldn’t help but smile, “Can we talk, please?” You asked, motioning your head towards David’s room. You watched Ilya nod his head and followed him into the room, locking the door behind you.

Keeping your eyes straight, you sat next to Ilya on the bed. The two of you sat in silence for a bit as you didn’t know what to say.

“So…” Ilya says, breaking the silence. You could hear him smiling.

“Nick’s been cheating on me almost every weekend. Probably since we’ve started dating.” You blurted out, not really sure why you were telling him this. “He thinks I don’t know because he keeps telling me it’s for work. But I’ve seen proof. And nobody goes on that many business trips.” You were expecting tears to prick your eyes but you only got more annoyed.

“(Y/n), I’m sorry. You don’t deserve that. Have you talked to him about it?”

You shake your head. You weren’t sure why you never confronted him about it. Maybe because you didn’t want to lose the sense of security you were so used to. “I guess I knew that if I asked him about it I would’ve lost someone again. And I don’t think I could have handled that.” You admitted. 

You looked over at Ilya, seeing his eyes soften with guilt. He opened his mouth to talk, but you quickly cut him off. “That’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. This entire day I kept thinking about you and us and everything that happened. I wish you would have stayed. I wish we could have worked out. I don’t think you realize you were the best thing that happened to me.” You paused for a second, letting Ilya take in what you just said.

“You need to understand that I never meant to hurt you like that,” Ilya responded, grabbing your hand, “I just got defensive and I didn’t know what else to do, (Y/n).”

You turned your body to face Ilya. He looked broke and hurt but also happy. “I guess what I wanted to tell you is that I still love you and I know I shouldn’t because of Nick but fuck him. You are what I need. You were always what I needed. I want to make this work. I miss you, all the time.”

You waited for Ilya to say something. After a few seconds you were worried that maybe he didn’t feel the same anymore and you crossed the line. But everything happened so quick, next thing you know Ilya’s hands are cupping your cheeks and pulling you into him for a kiss.

Your body relaxed into his as you smiled into the kiss. Ilya pulled away too soon for your liking, “I guess maybe you should end things with Nick.” You couldn’t help but groan at the thought of him. Pulling out your phone, you texted your now ex-boyfriend telling him everything. That the relationship was over and you knew he was cheating. You told him there would be a box of his things at his door tomorrow.

You tossed your phone behind you and tackled Ilya down to the bed, immediately kissing him again. 

[pixelatedrose]

A Rose For A Valentine

Part 1/Part 2/Part 3/???

Word Count: 1504

Cast:

Lochesis Lodgick (logic). Lo, Lochy, Sisi for nicknames

Pandora Morralitie (morality) Panda, Pan, Dora, Pancake for nicknames

Rose Kreativve (creativity) Ro, Princess for nicknames

Valentine Anxxiatie (anxiety) Val, Valen for nicknames

Dahlia Desceat (deceit) Dahl, Di, Dahli for nicknames

Ruby Kreativve (Remus/intrusive thoughts) Ru, Ruru for nicknames

Riley Sleapp (Sleep) Riy, Lili for nicknames

Emily Picani (Emile) Em, Emmy for nicknames

Trigger warnings: Verbally fighting, Breakdowns, mentions of sex, uncensored swearing, fake friends

Chapter 3

  Rose walked out of the classroom, knowing Pandora would be calling her later to ask why she'd lied.

  Rose didn't ride the bus home.

  She never had.

  She just didn't want that stupid emo nightmare trying to talk to her, no matter what the reason.

  "Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid…!" Rose muttered to herself as she stormed out of the building. So much for a good first day of school…

  What had happened at lunch was a nightmare that wouldn't be easily forgiven, regardless of the fact that Valentine wouldn't have had any way of knowing.

~~•~~

  "It's none of your business who Pandora is friends with!" Valentine shouted. "And who's to say that maybe she'd rather be friends with someone who's deeper than a puddle on the sidewalk!"

  Rose's mind jumped into action. This emo was starting to cross over the line of things Rose was willing to put up with.

  "Are you calling me shallow?!" Rose yelled, holding a hand up to her chest dramatically on instinct, having her friend's joke and tease with her about the subject in the past. This was different.

  "If by shallow you mean that I wouldn't get my feet wet if I stepped in you with no shoes on then yes."

  Rose was furious now. "Bitch!! Who the hell are you to tell me who I am?!"

  "I don't have to; it's written all over your everything!"

  "At least I try and be friendly instead of hiding in the back of the classroom and sulking like someone just killed my dog!!"

  "Well at least I know my friends want to be my friends!!!"

  Rose stopped and fell back on her fears.

  They're just sticking around out of pity.

  They're not real friends.

  They'll all leave eventually.

  They don't really want to be around you.

  Rose didn't hear the emo try and keep the fight going, she just turned and walked off, unable to get a grip on her emotions. She clenched her fists and held her breath, fighting down her bitter thoughts.

  Lochesis finally caught Rose's shoulder, snapping the redhead back to reality.

  "Rose, hold on-" Lochesis started but was cut off when she saw Rose fighting back her tears.

  "What if she's right though…!" Rose finally choked out, her voice just barely a squeak.

  Lochesis didn't hesitate in embracing the golden eyed girl, letting her friend take a few shaky and choked sobs into her shirt. The tall girl lead Rose over to the stairwell a few steps away and say her friend down on the bottom steps, soothing her long-time childhood friend with coos and quiet shushs.

  Pandora jogged up to the pair and struck Rose with a soft and tight hug, comforting the girl back into reality.

  "I'm okay now…" Rose said, swallowing down her tears.

  As her distress fell away, anger quickly rose to replace it.

  Rose clenched her fists again. "That stupid bitch is gonna get what's coming to her, just you wait. I'll-"

  Pandora quickly jumped up. "NO!!" She shouted. Seeing Rose and Lochesis startle, she calmed her voice. "No. Listen I know Val hurt your feelings, but she didn't know that, A, you have self esteem issues, and, B, that it would hurt you that much." Pandora's big blue eyes pleaded from behind her glasses. "Please give her at least a chance? She's been my best friend since I was like two years old and she's got no other friends. And if you two ended up fighting, well…" Pandora paused, thinking about the situation and shook her head as if clearing it of unkind thoughts. "It'd be sad!!" She stated plainly.

  Rose slouched her shoulders. "Did you even hear what she said?" Her eyes glared down at the tiled floor. "And I don't think she'd be one to actually even want to make up with me." Rose gestured down the hallway back to the cafeteria. "I mean look at her!! She looks like Tim Burton hand crafted her and through some satanic experiment brought her to life!!"

  Lochesis looked at Rose curiously. "Didn't you mention this morning how much you love Nightmare Before Christmas?"

  Rose waved a hand at her friend. "Shut up, just...shuuu."

  Pandora pouted. "You're not even gonna try?" She asked dejectedly.

  Rose looked down and picked at the holes in her jeans. She finally stood up, throwing her hands over her head. "Fine!" She huffed. Pandora started clapping her hands before Rose pointed at her. "But I'm still not talking to her today! It'll have to wait till tomorrow or something."

  Pandora still bounced a little. "Yay~!! I'm glad you're not giving up on my strange dark daughter!!"

  "What even-" Lochesis started to question before Rose's huffing interrupted her.

  "God what a shitty day this is turning out to be…" Rose groaned.

  Pandora gasped and stood on her tiptoes to cover her girlfriend's ears. "GASP!! Watch your language, Rose! We don't want the human computer learning it, you don't know WHO she'll start repeating it to!"

  Lochesis pulled the honey haired girl's hands off the side of her head, settling for them draping over her shoulders. "I'm not a child, Pandora, I know swear words," she leaned her head back to smile at the short girl. "But thank you for worrying, darling." She winked and Pandora nearly fell over herself.

  Rose rolled her eyes, smiling widely. "You two are sickeningly adorable." They laughed together as the bell rung and they parted ways.

  As soon as her friend's were out of sight, the bright smile faded from Rose's face entirely.

  "Well at least I know my friends want to be my friends!!!"

  Was Valentine right?

  Rose couldn't help but feel that maybe she was.

~~•~~

  Rose waited outside the school thinking about the day. Rose had only grown more upset when she'd found out that the emo was in her chemistry class as well.

  Rose shook herself and stood straighter. C'mon, I bet she's not that bad. She's just a little prickly, that’s all. We can make up tomorrow and then everything will be fine! She told herself.

  "Ro-ro!!" A girl that looked strikingly similar to Rose ran up to her. "Guess What?!"

  Rose have an exasperated sigh and rolled her eyes. "Please don't tell me you damaged my reputation again, Ruby…"

  Ruby giggled and shook her head. "Oh no, I do that on the daily, I don't have to try to do that!" Rose made an offended noise before Ruby had to dodge a playful battering from her sister. "I got a GIRLFRIEND!!" She shouted gleefully.

  Rose stood shocked in the middle of the walkway as she watched her sister. "You What?!" She nearly shrieked.

  Ruby nodded up and down. "Yep!! You heard me right! Duchess Trash-Bitch landed herself a date with only the most suave girl in school!!"

  Rose snorted. "Pah-lease, Ruby, I don't think that's possible seeing as we're sisters, so go check your facts."

  Ruby pushed Rose so hard she fell into a bush. "You think you're so high and mighty but whatever. Besides, Dahlia is way cuter than you'd ever hope to be, loser."

  Rose stopped. "Dahlia? As in stage director Dahlia?" Rose thought to their student director for last year's winter play. She had known that Ruby and her had become good friends after that year, but she didn't know they'd become that close.

  Ruby nodded happily. "Yep!! That's my girl!!" Ruby sighed happily. "Heheh...Imma fuck her so-"

  "GROSS, RUBY!!!" Rose shouted, shoving her sister. "I don't wanna hear about your gross fantasies!! Keep them to yourself, will ya?!"

  Ruby cackled maniacally. "I was kidding!! Mostly…" She added the last part a bit quieter.

  "In any case I still don't want to hear about your gross sex fantasies! Keep those and whatever other disgusting thoughts you have to your self!" Rose said.

  Rose and Ruby were twin sisters, the only thing telling them apart being a small mole under Ruby's left eye and Ruby's slight height difference, Rose being just a tad shorter. They were best friends- partners in crime! Ruby was always the one to mature up and console Rose after failed auditions and fights, and Rose would always sit there listening to Ruby’s bad days and grievances. They were as close as two sisters could be. A team.

  As Ruby went on and on about how wonderful Dahlia was, Rose was finding it harder and harder to keep up her smile.

  First Lochy and Panda, now Ruby and Dahlia… Rose thought. Everyone seems to have someone in their lives but me...I wonder who else will beat me to the stage of romance…

  The two girls finally got home where Ruby very excitedly and loudly announced her new girlfriend to their parents, who delightfully listened to her rant about her day till dinner was done.

  Rose picked at her food and got up before it was finished. "I'm gonna go take a shower."

  "Don't drown!!" Ruby called after her sister.

  Rose turned on the water and stepped inside before curling up and hugging her knees to her chest.

  She thought of the entire day and what Valentine had said.

  And Rose began to cry, letting the sound of the water mask her sobs as she let the day wash over her and down the drain.

  Hey y’all, sorry this is so late! It’s a short chapter I know, but I hope you liked it! I don’t really have much of an excuse for having this out so late, I just kinda had life catch up to me and lost a ton of motivation. despite that, I had fun writing this in the last hour-ish or so! Hope you liked it!!

  Okay so I just edited this and wow there were a lot of things I messed up. In my defense, I wrote and posted this at like midnight. In any case I fixed it, so I hope you find this version a bit better!

  And one last thing before I go; I drew all of the main cast for A Rose For A Valentine (Valentine, Rose, Pandora, Lochesis) Would all of you like to see them all?

  Okay that’s it, love you all byyee~!!

[dyde21]

Percabeth prompt- maybe a picnic/park date with Mrs O’Leary? I love dogs and so does Annabeth :)

Thank you for the prompt! :D I changed it slightly cause of inspiration, but boy did this turn out sickeningly sweet! I hope it’s okay and you enjoy it! :D Fair warning, by eyesight has been trash lately so it was hard to write it and harder to edit it so there are probably some mistakes.

XxXxXxXxX

Annabeth hummed happily as she walked through the park, one hand entwined with Percy’s, the other holding a grocery bag full of food. They were both visiting Sally on break from classes in New Rome. The weather was perfect, and Annabeth had suggested they go on a picnic. While at first Percy may have thought it a little cheesy, there was no world in which he’d say no to a chance for food and to hang out with her.

Percy was currently ranting about how utterly unfair one of his teachers was, and that since he saved the world he should have a break from essays, but judging by the bright smile that never left his face, Annabeth figured he wasn’t too upset. 

Secretly, Annabeth was glad to be able to listen to her boyfriend complain about school. It was a very welcome change from complaining about the Titan staring them down, or how the prophecy was going to kill one, if not more of them. This was nice, and if she didn’t overthink it, she could even pretend she was a normal teenager for once, out on a date with her wonderful boyfriend. 

“I’ll show you the tricks I use to power through an essay.” She offered, laughing at the way his eyes lit up like she was an angel. She bumped her hips into his gently, snickering when he bumped back. 

Eventually she lead them to a bench that looked like it would serve them fine, and she set the bag down. Barely moments after her hand was out of the loops, Percy had already opened and was digging out their sandwiches, splitting up the bags of chips and opening his soda. 

Taking a seat, Annabeth just sat across from him, resting her chin on her palm as she watched him excitedly dig into the food, relishing how good it was. 

Annabeth was in heaven. This was the something permanent she had been needing. There was something about near death experiences that could really put life into perspective sometimes. 

Before long, the pair of powerful demigods were just like all the other teens out on a date in the park. Sickeningly sweet and cute as they shared their food, playing footsies under the table, laughing a little too loud at jokes that others probably wouldn’t understand.

Checking her watch, Annabeth noted they still had plenty of time till their movie started. Which was good, this day could last forever for all she cared. She may or may not have planned their date today, determined to make it the best it could be. Not that she really expected any plans she made to stay on track when her boyfriend was involved. He was her favorite kind of chaos. 

While she was explaining her new design to Percy, who was being surprisingly attentive today to her explanation, felt her instincts kick into overdrive as something was approaching her quickly. Looking over her shoulder, her hand moved towards the knife in her purse until she saw the approaching attacker. 

An adorable border collie was running at her, tongue wagging as it apparently decided that she would be her new best friend. Or it had smelled the food, but Annabeth was hoping for the prior personally. 

It ran up, and after a brief moment of hesitation to decide whether the dog was friendly or not, it seemed like a ball of friendliness and sunshine and immediately started petting which only seemed to excite the dog more. It barked happily, rubbing all against her and licking here when his snout passed near her. Percy was leaning over the table to get a better look, smiling as he didn’t stop eating his sandwich. Pausing, Annabeth looked between the smiling, panting dog and her boyfriend who was grinning at her, in the middle of taking another bite of food and Annabeth realized there really wasn’t much difference between the two creatures. 

Only a few moments later a pair of dark haired teens came sprinting up, kind of out of breath.”Steam! Get back here!” 

The girl called out, running and stopping a few feet away and looking at her. “I’m so sorry. He was fine, but I think he smelled the food and I swear he’s as bad as my boyfriend with food around and….” 

Annabeth just laughed and cut her off, still petting the dog. “It’s fine, I love dogs. He’s adorable. His name is steam?” She asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

THe girl nodded, smiling slightly. “Inside joke.” 

The boy showed up a few moments later, looking at the dog. “I told you we should have kept him on the leash.” He said, casually throwing an arm around the shoulder of the girl. “We’re lucky he’s a teddy bear, Ashe.” 

Annabeth noticed the girl nestle into the guy’s side slightly. “Please, it’s fine. It’s only like the second time today, Tyler.” She said, scoffing. 

A smile played at Annabeth’s lips, kind of sad Piper wasn’t here to see them. 

Remarkably, Percy had put down his sandwich and was now kneeling next to the dog, petting it as well. “Who’s a good dog.” The dog turned and was suddenly attacking Percy with kisses while Annabeth smile, standing up and brushing some dog hair off her. 

The girl, Ashe, just laughed sheepishly. “Sorry… He sheds. A lot.” 

Annabeth shook her head. “It’s fine. He’s cute, so I’ll forgive him.”

“That’s usually what I say. About both of them.” Ashe offered, before nudging Tyler in the side gently who proceeded to gently tickle her side and make her squirm. 

“Steam! Come on. Stop interrupting their date. We’ll feed you at home.” Tyler said with a whistle, and the dog gave Percy one last lick, turned to nudge Annabeth’s hand one last time and lick her leg, before he trotted back over to his owners. 

They waved goodbye, and Annabeth noticed the pair still didn’t put the dog on a leash. Shaking her head at them, she turned back to see Percy stealing one of her chips. She swatted his hand away, trying to hide her grin at his devilish smirk. 

They chatted for a few more moments, until she noticed Percy had stopped talking. “Wise girl? You’re a little spacey right now. That’s my job…” He teased, a slight hint of worry under his tone.

“We should get a dog.” 

Percy’s eyes widened. “What?”

Annabeth shrugged, rubbing her arm nervously. “Steam was adorable. And kids aren’t… anytime soon. So a pet would be perfect. I’m sure they won’t mind if we take care of it. They owe us after all. I can talk with Reyna…”

Percy shook his head. “They’re a lot of work I hear. Plus we’re both kinda busy… and we have a dog!”

Annabeth rolled her eyes. “O’Leary doesn’t count. He’s a hell hound, and has been sticking to Nico more recently too. I can’t cuddle up with a massive hellhound when I’m watching a movie.”

“I thought that’s why you kept me around.” Percy said with a raised eyebrow. 

Annabeth would never admit if any blush had crossed her cheeks. She just shoved his shoulder lightly. “You are still taking classes or training half the time, plus they’re good for your heart rate so when I’m stressed about Olympus I could…”

Percy just sighed. “You’re serious about this…”

Annabeth looked at him, nodding. If she pouted just a little to help make her point, no one could really blame her after dealing with Percy’s “Baby seal eyes” whenever he wanted something. 

When Annabeth saw Percy reach up and scratch the back of his neck, she knew she had won.

“I guess we can look into it. But no small dogs, it has to be a big one. If it can’t knock me over we’re not getting it.” 

Annabeth rolled her eyes, but nodded. “Deal.” As they cleaned up their mess and started to make their way towards the movies, their conversation may or may not have drifted to what breed they were going to get and idle daydreams of seeing Percy asleep on the couch with a dog across his chest may or may not have kept a smile on her face.

XxXxXxXxX

I really like how this one turned out, I hope you all did too! I liked writing for them so I will be continuing my college AU shortly hopefully!

[6ad6ro]

how do u make friends and become a "personality" on tumblr? i dont mean being tumblr famous, im just pretty lonely. asking u since u seem to have a few

oh gosh i’m surprised you think of me as havin friends n bein a tumblr personality! that’s kinda a compliment so ty! tho lol i might not be as popular as u think tbh? tho i guess i have an okay number of followers and the ppl i’m close to on here are SO AWESOME n i love them? BUT OKAY! i’ll tell u how i went about makin friends on tumblr! btw don’t be afraid to dm me like i’ll be your friend! i’m super shy but like rly friendly so?? ANYWAYS here’s what i did:1. be yourself even if you think ppl won’t like you. you rly shouldn’t care about the ppl who don’t like u bc they’d prob never like you? and being urself helps you feel good about yourself and is REALLY attractive to ppl who might end up following you. be real. it’s your blog, so don’t, for example, let some mean anon tell u how to run your blog.2. that doesn’t mean being insensitive tho! i’m constantly tryin to be as fuckin nice as i can within reason. and oh yeah tag stuff like “flashing” or “nsfw” or “gore” etc even if you use custom tags (i use “h” for nsfw bc i don’t wanna get flagged lol). and don’t repost stuff on here without direct permission. it’s like stealing. and don’t delete captions off of original art (but u can remove a rebloggers captions all day).3. post your own “content” whether it be text posts or pictures u took or art u make or edits or finds off other sites! even if u think it’s too dumb, i promise u there’ll be a buncha ppl who will like it. i thought my gifs were trash and then one day one wound up on tumblr’s “radar’ (or whatev it used to be called). MAKE SURE U TAG YOUR POSTS. it’s fine to not tag reblogs unless they’re something ppl are sensitive about (flashing,gore). it’s fine to just reblog other’s stuff btw like ppl still love blogs like that (that’s most of tumblr tbh).4. your follower count doesn’t matter. the number of notes on posts you make don’t matter. it’s so easy to fall into viewing those numbers as a sign of “how cool u are/how much ppl like you”. don’t start posting things u don’t care about just bc u notice ppl like it. just be yourself. ppl will come anyways.5. talk to people. write little comments on ppls posts. respond to ppl. take the risk and direct message someone (be considerate tho. like if u have a crush on someone don’t open with “i wanna fuck u” lol). if you want friends, be friendly.6. THIS IS IMPORTANT THO. tumblr is easily the shyest community i’ve ever encountered. and this is coming from someone who has agoraphobia (or rather a fear of people). even if someone follows you back and likes all your posts… they might not respond to you. THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEY HATE U OR DON’T CARE. a lot of them just… can’t? ur msg very easily made them really happy. sometimes ppl like that just need time. i won’t lie, of the hundreds of ppl i’ve tried to start conv with? maybe only 10% of them even replied. if you’re like me the voice in ur head will tell you “oh they hate you you weirded them out ur awful”. ignore that dumbass voice. that 10% who responded? or responded later? are some of my best friends on here. IT’S ABSOLUTELY WORTH IT.take the risk. talk to people. rejection can hurt, but it’s just like a little scratch compared to the gushing wound we cause ourselves by not trying. see, look at this stupid long unintelligible post i just wrote. and i somehow still have a bunch of friends and followers? i’m a huge idiot, but turns out that everybody else is too thank god. so just be yourself and have fun!oh and it takes time btw. like i’ve been active on here since 2012 lol. give people time to find u and respond to you. hope it helped even if it was just a little!