#this is free choice i guess lskdfjlsdfkj

[holdmecloser-gandydancer]

A How-To Guide to Ask Your Girlfriend to Marry You: Advice from Carey Fangbattle

The first step to this is to get a girlfriend. This may sound daunting, but it is doable! You might look back on your past attempts in this arena and cringe; it’s easy enough to say do not cringe, kill the thing that cringes. It’s another story when confronting yourself with the veritable trauma-trove of stinkers you shackled yourself with in the past. Breathe. Ask the cool girl at work to come spar with you. At best, it’s the perfect kindling for some nice sexual tension. At worst, you’re still sparring (and when you’re good at being hard to hit, it’s nice to have a challenge). 

Taking it slow is cool! You can keep sparring and hitting the gym and become increasingly obvious that you want to maybe go for coffee sometime. And then, while out for coffee, if you suddenly remember you don't drink coffee, DO NOT PANIC. Tea is cool. You ever tried a Faerun Fog? It's like a latte but with tea. It's fine.

You can also try inviting her back to your place to watch a movie. Be sure to place the bowl of popcorn in such a way that would make accidental hand brushes inevitable. 

Keep dropping hints that you're gay. Maybe she didn't notice. 

Repeat substeps 1-3.

Get assigned to go on a work trip with her now that the flirtation has really ensued. Find the shittiest, draftiest tavern you can (there's not a lot of money in the job). Now, you might be asking: how many beds were there? And the answer is two, but don't despair! Because if you're cold-blooded, eventually she's going to get tired of your teeth chattering and will invite you to share her bed anyway! 

Wake up in her arms. Super platonic like. 

Oh, that actually worked? You now have a girlfriend? Great job! Never doubted you for a moment! 

Now, you can go on some more dates! Have you tried the new wine and pottery place? It seems pretty cool.

Avoid your coworker at said wine and pottery place

Let her know that the whole being a reptile thing does make certain things different but! it's cool and fine and doesn’t take very much getting used to.

She's very enthusiastic and a quick learner. Lucky you.

This next step is also vital, sorry. You have to befriend this absolute himbo of a man. Neither of you consciously make an effort, you're just drawn together.

Hmm, politely turn him down after he hits on you.

Shit, that's not at all what was happening, cool cool cool. 

He's cool about it though. And he has skills! And he wants to learn your skills!!

Have a heart to heart conversation with your girlfriend. This will happen organically after a long day at work. You're both going to be exhausted in every sense of the word. After all, you just had to attend the funeral of a friend. 

She'll tell you she had wanted to use a powerful magic item while on a mission a while back.

Recall that the terms of your employment require that you apprehend or kill members of your organization tempted to do just that. 

Be so brave and not cry about what this could mean for you both one day.

…cry a little

Decide you want to marry this woman.

Drop the hint to your best friend that you want to marry this woman.

Your best friend will carve a beautiful ring for your (hopefully) future fiancé.

Keep the ring in your pocket. 

Try to figure out when to pop the question.

Watch the color fade from the world.

Lose your best friend.

Mourn him.

Discover your best friend was an alien from another plane of existence.

Discover that he didn't actually die.

Asshole, who keeps that kind of thing from a best friend!

Nearly lose the love of your life in the fray of battle.

Lose your shit.

Survive the apocalypse.

Mourn your friends.

And finally, when the dust has settled and you're finally back together in your bed, wince when you realize the ring box is digging into your hip. 

Shift your weight and be weird for a minute 

She's going to laugh a little. This is good. She loves you, after all. 

Forget every single romantic notion you've ever come up with and tell her instead that you'd like to spend every near-apocalypse with her for as long as you both shall live.

She'll say yes, yes, ten thousand times yes.

She'll cry. 

You'll cry. 

And now you're engaged!

Start planning the wedding. 

…Good luck