#this has been long coming the game has been under production for a long ass time

[murdrdocs]

80s pornstar logan; age gap; pornstar reader x pornstar logan; doggy; brat!reader MDNI 18+ w/ LOGAN HOWLETT

logan doesn't trust you.

he doesn't know you well enough for you to have gained his trust, but he refuses to get to know you. there's no point. in logan's eyes, there's no reason for you to get comfortable.

you won't be here for long.

he doesn't care how much the studio believes in you, he doesn't believe in you. how could he? you're so fucking green that he can smell it on you. only starred in a couple movies before this one, both nothing compared to the expansive record that he has.

gum-smacking, lip gloss shining under the sun, flowy shirts, and tiny shorts. compared to his cigars, fitted jeans, and plaid, the two of you are polar opposites. even though logan sees something in you. that same arrogance he had at your age. it just looks different on you.

you confront him first. standing beside his car in the studio parking lot, resting your hip on the door like it’s your vehicle. you’re blocking the entrance, lazily smacking your gum as you squint at him.

logan doesn’t say anything. he stands there, hands on his hips, his restless fingers tapping against the worn leather of his belt. he shamelessly lets his eyes rake down your body, taking in the natural shape of your tits through your loose shirt, the expanse of your legs barely covered by your tiny shorts. briefly, logan wonders if you’re shaved like some of the other younger girls he’s filmed with.

he finds himself wanting to find out.

he’s wearing his shades, the thin wire-framed ones with brown lenses. he knows they aren’t opaque, he knows you can see the path his eyes take, but he doesn’t care. he holds off a smile when you adjust your stance and scoff.

“what’s your problem with me?”

logan shrugs dismissively.

apparently, his nonchalance upsets you even more. he expects you to give him some speech about how rude he is, how you deserve to be here just as much as he does, how you earned your spot in this production. whatever your little brain can come up with.

but you give him none of that. you push off of logan's truck, step out of his way, and saunter off with a final call of, "see you on wednesday!".

logan lets his eyes linger on the switch in your hips and the shape of your ass.

his eyes find that same spot on wednesday, his view unobstructed now as your bare skin is illuminated underneath the studio lights. he's just staring and he can't stop. his eyes watching the way your skin ripples as he fucks you from behind, following the curve of your back, all the way up to the crown of your head which reaches for him.

he knows at some point he's supposed to grab the ponytail you have. the director wants him to mess it up as much as possible, providing a good contrast from how dolled up you were before. most of that has been done naturally. for some reason, everything with you seems natural. logan's been in the game for a while, he's had to fake scenes before. it's part of the job description, to act according to how the audience would want the sex to go. but with you, logan doesn't think he's been acting at all.

the energy buzzes around his entire body the entire time. he doesn't ever forget that you're both being filmed, it would be hard to, but he loses himself in it. he loses himself in the way you know just what to do. the way you angle your body perfectly according to the camera position, the way you speak to him, the way you're so visibly remembering every single direction you were giving before filming began.

your competence is hot.

by the time filming is over and a production assistant is handing you a warm towel and your robe, logan's fucking spent.

you're just there grinning, watching logan down an entire bottle of water in one go. when he comes up for air, you stand before him, keeping your eyes on his.

"i see why you're known for your stamina," is all you say to him before you turn away and disappear, possibly unaware of the semi that was brewing beneath the towel covering logan's hips. 

the next time logan sees you, it's through a headshot. sitting on the casting director's desk, amongst three others, all labeled with names and facing him. he stands there for a second, hands crossed over his chest as he scans every picture.

"we just need to know who you think would be good for the next job," the casting director reiterates, his words smooth as they wrap around logan's mind.

logan doesn’t know why he’s pretending, why he's taking so long to answer a question that he knows the answer to.

he slides your picture up higher than the rest and leaves it at that.

[livingdeadmlm]

Slight Age Gap with Daisuke 7/31

Pronouns: The reader refers to themself as a man once, and the Daisuke treats the reader as male mentally. 

Physical Sex: not described

How far are things going? He is jerking off, and it implies he asks for a sexual favor after the fic ends

Warnings: MDNI, mentions of shitty porn tropes, Daisuke pictures while jerking off, slight age gap dramatize for the kink of the day. Reader is meant to be 24-26 and daisuke is meant to be 20-22 (yeah not that big comapred to the people doing 40+ dating 20 on this hellsite but whateva)

Outline: Daisuke has been lacking free time, especially with his slightly older coworker, so he takes whatever chance he gets for some relief

What inspired me to write how I did: Nothing!

Other: there is very little content fanfic wise for the fandom, so as I do, I join a month late with something half as good as what has been already posted, lol. But if you like this and want more my requests are always open!!!

You shouldn't fuck your coworkers; it's very frowned upon. Not only can it cause unnecessary work drama, it can negatively affect productivity. The two people could start fighting, or production slows down in favor of sneaking off. It was so looked down upon that Pony Express had a whole section in their training videos discouraging it. Even though Daisuke was an intern, he had to watch every video, granted very loosely. But what he did remember was the videos said nothing about jerking off to your coworkers. 

With the others walking in and out semi-frequently when they needed your assistance to fix something, it was hard to catch some alone time, especially with you.

As Daisuke lay comfortably on his bed, the soft glow from his small handheld game illuminated his face, twisted in focus. The rhythmic clicks and cheerful beeps signaled each successful move he made. As you entered the room, the air was filled with the faint scent of soap and shampoo, letting him know you had just finished a shower without looking. 

With droplets of water still clinging to your hair, you stepped over to your side of the room, your skin slightly dewy. As you kicked off your slippers and searched through your bags, you looked much more relaxed as Daisuke glanced over.

A cartoony sound of a crash echoed from the console as the intern was momentarily distracted and couldn't help but gaze at your bent-over figure. The colorful screen on the console flickered as the game over scene flashed. The intern's eyes widened as he tried to groan to cover up the fact that he lost because he was staring at your ass.

"Do you still want to borrow a blanket, Daisuke? I have an extra. These wool blankets make your skin feel awful in the long run." your voice gently broke the silence as you turned with the black blanket folded in your hands. Subconsciously, Daisuke rubbed his hands against the itchy wool before nodding. 

You smiled, walking over to his bed and letting the blanket unfold in your hands. "Here, I'll tuck you in!" yanking off the hospital-esque wool blanket and replacing it with the plush black one you had packed. The blanket covered Daisuke completely as your hands tucked him in snugly. He couldn't help but laugh as you made a big show, tucking him in so tight. Your hands slipped under his body to make sure he was fully tucked in. Having your hands touch him so much made him a bit shy.

Laughter filled the air as you shared a sweet moment, your fingers gently resting on Daisuke's chest after giving it a firm pat. Unbeknownst to you, his heart raced wildly at the unexpected warmth of your touch. Your giggles quickly stopped as the door swung open, revealing curly. 

"(Name), the light in my washroom went out. Would you be able to come and change the bulb? Jimmy keeps trying, but it's not turning on." Curlies's face was sheepish at the request, especially since it was so close to bedtime. 

"Of course, caption," You did a small salute; Daisuke internally cursed at Curly for interrupting one of the few moments of touch you two have had. "Just had to tuck in the intern; can't have him sneaking off and causing trouble!" your hand grazed his hair as you stepped away from the bed, following a chuckling Curly out of the room. As you stepped out of the room, he caught your words. 'No, I'm kidding, he's a very good boy.'

Daisuke cast his gaze downward, taking in your words as he stared at his body swathed in the soft, tightly wrapped blanket. A familiar scent wafted through the air, enveloping him in a comforting embrace. It was a delightful combination of your body wash intertwined with the freshness of what he presumed was your laundry soap, a subtle, clean aroma. Beneath it all, he caught the unmistakable, soothing essence of you—something uniquely personal that lingered in the fabric.

As he began to unwind himself from the cocoon of warmth, he carefully shifted his position, rolling onto his side with his back turned towards the door. The smooth texture of the blanket brushed against his skin, and he instinctively pressed his face into it, inhaling deeply. Each breath brought him closer to that unreachable sense of comfort and safety as he reveled in the intimate sensations of the fabric against his cheek. Daisukes hand traveled down. He wore a loose pair of sleep shorts, making slipping his hands into his boxers easy.

He always had the vague idea he was gay or desired men in some way, especially during and after high school. Even now, 3 years later, he didn't think about it. Didn't think about it as his hand took firm hold of his dick. Didn't think about it as he held the blanket closer to his nose. He didn't think about it as all he could imagine was you. He didn’t think about it, as your words echoed in Daisuke's mind. Imagining you on top of him, pulling off his clothes, and while you wouldn't be his first kiss, you would be his first brush with non-awkward sexual contact. Daisuke covered his mouth as a whine ripped through his throat at the quick pace he set for himself. The fleece blanket you had brought from home filled his senses with your smell.

He didn't have much time or could make much noise, as the door was still cracked open. He could hear the muffled talking and ignored it instead of focusing on crossing the finish line. Thinking of your bent-over figure and the times you'd press against him trying to squeeze by in electrical. Your head would be close to his when you'd help him with a level.

A light, muffled, wet noise started as his cock began to drool. His lack of experience led him to imagine whatever scenarios he had seen in shitty pornos. Being a couple of years younger, he couldn't help but think of ones with more of a… power dynamic.

You in a button-up shirt with the first three undone tight slacks on pressing him against a blackboard in an empty lecture hall, his own tiny, poor quality plaid skirt, that he didn't have time to make sense of if he was supposed to be a college student, leaving nothing to the imagination.

Bending him over a desk, pushing up his black a-line skirt, and tearing his black nylon stockings as his thin-framed glasses mushed against the desk. As papers were scattered all over the floor around the desk. With a huff, Daisuke changed his laying position to lay on his back. His hand didn’t falter, but he was so close he could feel the slight tingle in his stomach start.

Handcuffed as you slide a baton up his orange jumpsuit-covered thigh, calling him a naughty boy. He couldn't help the slight whine that slipped as his legs shook with each pass of his hand. Now, picturing you taking advantage of his often spread-out position on the oversized couch in the main lobby. Your uniform is in its usual half-undone state as you slot yourself between his legs, ‘you’ve been such a good boy, Daisuke; how about a reward, huh? What do you want me to do?’ Deep eyes gazed into his own as his breath stuck in his throat. Your hands caressing his thighs, your head resting against his boner made very clear from his jeans.

Reaching the edge, eyes squinting and half-dyed blond hair splayed across the pillow, he finally spilled over his hand. The hot liquid coated the back of his palm as he huffed, the reality of his desperation not hitting him yet. He panted as he heard your thumping footsteps making their way back to the room. Grabbing a tissue from the bedside table, each employee was provided with a tissue. Daisuke cleaned off his hand and shoved the tissue under his pillow.

“Well, it's time to turn in, don’t you think? “ Daisuke quickly uncovered his face from the blanket. “Hey- are you okay? You’re all red!” You rushed over, placing a hand against his forehead, which, as you thought, was burning up.

“No! I’m okay. I just passed out for a second and had a, um, nightmare.” You sighed in relief, your hand remaining on Daisuke's forehead.

“It’s your first time on the Tulpar, and I get it. I would always have nightmares my first year as well.” You coughed awkwardly, taking your hand off his forehead.

“Sorry if it feels like I ever baby you, Daisuke; you coming on at the very last minute, and having never done this before, I feel a bit protective over your first experience here.” Your voice was somber, and while work was work, it made you sad to witness someone just a couple of years your junior facing the possibility of being tethered to this job for a long time as you have been

Daisukes throat was dry. The major shift in mood was hard to grasp as he squeaked out a thank you. You smiled softly. “I have to remember you are just three years younger and are just as much of a man as I am, and if you need my help, you know you can ask!” Daisuke squirmed at how he twisted your words for his dirty mind.

“I could teach you some handyman work when Swansea gets off your back a bit. I've been doing it for years, and sharing my craft would be fun to hang out!” You mumbled about being grateful for someone your age here, as everyone else was almost 10+ years older. Daisuke said a resounding yes to your offer. With a big grin, you stood up and shut the door, and the light in the room was flicked off as you wished Daisuke a good night.

“I think there is something I need help with (Name).”

[s-u-g-a-r-rush1997]

Could you do turbo x reader where reader is a background racer from turbo-Time?

I kind of got a bit carried away with this one just a bit. I enjoyed writing it too much, maybe. It's not angsty, per say, but it's kind of a little sad. I tried to write it with a more romantic pairing, but it kind of came out as an unrequited crush.

Sorry, Turbo's too focused on Roadblasters and is fucking oblivious.

Pairing: Turbo x reader

Rating: safe for work

Warnings: None, though Turbo is kind of an ass in this one What else is new

Turbo-Time background racer reader and Turbo

If the Turbo twins were a pair, then you and Turbo were too, just with opposing dynamics. Or, well, you’d like to think so. You did share his colors, after all – though perhaps that was more a product of a limited color palette than anything.

Where the twins were programmed to be identical, to have the exact same level of skill when it came to racing, you and Turbo had an opposing dynamic. That is to say, while Turbo’s skill in racing was excellent, yours left something to be desired. You were, quite literally, designed to fail. A third place prize isn’t a prize at all if there’s no one worse off – it’s just last place.

Perhaps that’s why he was so attached to you. It seemed counterintuitive at first glance; he was so full of himself, so confident in his popularity and skill, that associating with someone who was designed to have none seemed beneath him. But you weren’t a rival like the twins. Sure, Turbo was programmed to be the best, but during the opening hours of the arcade, his skill was dependent entirely on the player. While an awful player could mean a victory for one of the Twins, it meant nothing for you.

So you were his only companion; by his choice, of course. It clearly had nothing to do with how insufferable people thought he was. How loudly he talked. How he craved attention more than anything.

You hated to admit it – you didn’t want to think of him that way – but you were starting to see why people thought that.

“I don’t understand,” he’d shouted the moment the arcade closed for the night, “I’m the greatest racer this arcade has ever seen. Why would anyone want to play Roadblasters?” The name was spat from his tongue like it was something sour and unpleasant.

You sighed and leaned against the side of his car, tired. You’d heard this rant repeated over and over for the past three days now. Even still, you listened, draping an arm across his back and pulling him close.

You squeezed his shoulder reassuringly. “They just want to see the new game, that’s all.”

This jealousy would pass, just as it always did. He was more worked up than you’d ever seen him, but it would all be okay in the end. He’d go back to his normal self. Soon, you’d be back to hanging out at Tappers. Maybe he’d show you more of his drawings he so carefully hid from everyone else. Maybe he’d take you for a ride in his Kart – you hadn’t done that together for a long time now.

“They’ve already seen it!” Turbo argued, arms flailing wildly, shattering the illusion, “it’s been days now. More than long enough! Roadblasters isn’t new anymore. Players should be coming back here by now.”

You catch his wrist, and his attention, wrapping his hand in your own. “The players love you, Turbo.” He laces his fingers with yours. His palm is a little sweaty, but you don’t mind.

He grins wildly, his lips pulled back so far it almost looked more like a grimace. “Of course they do!”

“Of course they do,” you repeat, smiling warmly, “you’re the greatest racer in the whole arcade, you said so yourself.” He preens under the praise. “So, let’s just forget about them, at least for tonight.”

Turbo grits his teeth. His fingers dig into your hand just a bit too firmly to feel comfortable. He sucks his teeth with a hiss. Just when you think he’s going to start arguing again he, somehow, manages to bite his tongue.

“How about one last race?” he finally offers with that same wild, grimace of a smile.

“You’ll just lap me!” you argue. But there’s no bite in your words. You don’t actually mind losing.

Turbo looks at you with this stupid, arrogant smirk – but it’s a genuine smile. It meets his eyes, and they crinkle at the edges. “You’re just a sore loser.”

“Fine,” you scoff, “one last race."

You adjust the straps of your helmet. You rev your engine loudly as the countdown begins. And for good measure you turn to look at him.

“Eat my dust, Turbo!” you call out to him, just before you speed off together. You don’t get much time to look at him, but he was smiling. Brows furrowed, lips pulled back almost as if he was snarling. And he cackles when he passes you. It’s no surprise when he does lap you. Of course he boasts. But you don’t mind. He’s happy. He’s forgotten Roadblasters.

And maybe come morning, when the arcade opens and players come flooding in, his rivalry would stay forgotten.

[maxislvt]

https://www.tumblr.com/maxislvt/718963485407576064/pervy-student-wanda-thats-constantly-bothering

oh this! her accidentally blushing her hand against your bulge or sneaking into the teachers bathrooms just to corner professor!r

warnings: smut, unspecified age gap, amab!reader

she's such a freak and a pervert, I have Thoughts about her

She isn't the slightest but shy about her feelings for you and all her friends have to suffer the consequences. I just imagine her as one of those people that call their older crushes like "blorbo" and shit like that. All her friends think she's fucking delusional 😭

wanda: they're so babygirl with their little coffee order and pastry :(

natasha: are you aware that your "babygirl" pays taxes

sam: I hope they're married with at least 3 kids

wanda: I'll be a great stepmom!

You can tell Wanda has feelings for you, but don't really say anything. You've been teaching for so long that you just accept that at least one person you teach is going to want a relationship with that's not entirely appropriate, even if it's just them wanting to be friendlier than they should.

A lot of Wanda's Deranged is from a distance at first. Maybe you caught vulgarly offering you a blowjob but it was in the middle of class and there were 50 other people in the room so you assumed she was joking around into her friends. (it was entirely directed at you)

After a while, she gets really bold and decides to be more up front. However, she's completely insane so this manifests as her "accidentally" sending you a very detailed love letter in place of a writing assignment. You're flustered as all hell but find it actually impossible to stop reading. It's so horny that you end up rock hard by the end of it.

You just email Wanda telling her to resend the proper assignment and don't mention it. Wanda can tell you've read because you can't even look at her. She takes this as you just being shy so she just keeps pressing your buttons. Her clothes get tighter, more revealing, and a lot shorter. You're ashamed to admit it catches your attention every time. Wanda comes to your office hours and you're absolutely useless because you're just a stuttering mess

Wanda can only wait so long before her perverted tendencies get to the best of her. That's exactly how you end up fucking her over your desk the first time. It's literally the last time you have any control in that relationship. You were just so pent up and frustrated — it seemed like the best solution in a weird way

Obliviously giving her what she wants doesn't make her stop. Wanda just wiggles her freaky little way into your heart and boxers but you grow to love her despite how unhinged she can be at times. Wanda does have pretty serious feelings and once you start to accept her affection it just grows. She plans out little dates and trips for when breaks start. They're a bit out of the way for secrecy sake but they're all worth it

The only exception to that secrecy whatever unhinged and deranged information she sent to her friends

wanda: ttyl, gonna take professor ___ on a date later than eat their ass

carol: I asked if you wanted to go see the new mission impossible???

Wanda takes you to an arcade for your first date together. It's technically a little creepy because you've only talked about liking videogames and stuff like that once and it was during the first class you'd ever taught Wanda in. The two of you have fun, especially you because you absolutely smoke Wanda at all the games. (the subsequent ass eating was a little passive aggressive though)

You may be older but Wanda definitely takes the lead during sex. She'll hide under your desk when you don't have a class just to edge you while you're grading papers. Wanda won't let you cum unless you've graded a certain number of assignments before her next period. It does wonders for your productivity.

Wanda wants you to call her some title of authority in bed. She's shooting for you to call her mommy but she'd settle for something like a master/mistress. You refuse to call her mommy because she's younger than you but she makes you see the error of your ways eventually. (she edges you until you give in)

Wanda loves using toys on you, especially when she's pegging you because you get so overstimulated fast. You're normally so composed and professional all the time, and she wants to be the only one to see you an absolutely mess.

She tried putting you in a cock cage once but it lasted all of one day. Surprisingly, she's the hornier one between the two of you and it just kept getting in the way of what she wanted to do to you. Wanda does occasionally threaten you with when you're being too prudish

Unrelated but Wanda accidentally graduates with a minor in whatever you teach because she kept taking your class every year 😭

[nabwastaken]

Mr Beast is being "cancelled" because he's friends with a trans woman who commissioned art from someone who might be a predator. People are asserting this as "proof" that Mr Beast is a predator, himself.

Okay anon let's debunk this because after making the post I did some digging on this. Feel free to make your own conclusions.

Shadman is a pedophile. That's cut and dry. He was a very prolific nsfw artist who specialized in loli. He literally made porn of Keemstar's 8 year old daughter. This was normalized at the time Shadman was active and many other creators were seen friendly with him. If you see this behavior as 'normal' and not harmful, please block me.

Ava was seen messaging and being buddy buddy with Shadman when Shad was still active. On stream she pulled up Shad's website by accident. One time, Shad tweeted out a picture of an underaged character from an anime with the caption being "Why are people sending me this?" Ava's response was something along the lines of "please Shad". Later on even in a Mr Beast video in Ava's house one of Shad's pieces was seen on the wall. Jimmy himself even looked straight at the piece.

People are not attacking Ava just because she's a trans woman. Is the hate worse because she's a trans woman? Yes. The same people who couldn't care less about the Dr Disrespect thing are the same ones who were the most vocal about the Ava thing. But to simplify it as just transphobia is simply incorrect because at the end of the day, trans or not, Ava is a person and all people can be terrible people.

Also, it is very possible Jimmy knew all about Ava being a creep. He was in the discord server while Ava was apparently making very sexual jokes to minors in that same server. But anon, who is alleging that Jimmy's also a predator? He turned a blind eye to Ava's creepiness, sure, but nowhere I've seen has also said that Jimmy's guilty of the same actions.

And finally, the Ava stuff is not the only reason Jimmy's under hot water recently. Dogpack 404 made a video talking about all of Jimmy's faults as a creator. This video touched upon the following: his lotteries being illegal, him rigging his videos, him selling fake signatures, him advertising Feastables as a healthy brand when it literally has the same ingredients as Hershey's, and generally just scummy behavior. Dogpack recorded the video before the Ava stuff came out. Other stuff has also come out about his game show, beast games, where contestants talked about the poor treatment and how some people didn't have access to medication, health products, or even food. Eliminated contestants were offered 1000 dollars in hush money. And all of this probably would've come out regardless of Ava being exposed. It was coming eventually. Dogpack was also given a cease and desist and apparently the beast team are searching for ways to ruin his life. Dogpack goes more in depth about this in a Twitter thread

So yes. Mr Beast is a scummy piece of shit. You should not be supporting him or his content. And on another note, fuck all the commentary youtubers staying silent on this topic just because Jimmy's their friend (looking at you, Ludwig and your terrible ass stream). But in the long run, this will not impact Jimmy's channel because his fanbase is mostly children who either don't know or don't care. But his reputation in the greater internet landscape has been tainted, for better or for worse. To anyone reading this, I hope this correctly educated you on the situation, though I may have missed a few major points. Have a nice rest of your day : )

[selunesdreams]

Chapter 7: Accidents Will Happen

Withers stepped forward, assessing Florence. “The girl has been drained of blood, but her soul lingers just beyond death. The vampire has paid his dues. Stand aside.” With a grim expression, Gale released Florence’s body, returning it to the bedroll and sitting back on his heels helplessly, gaze fixed on her motionless form before he met Astarion's gaze, a dangerous glint appearing in his eyes. Withers, his ancient face betraying no emotion, uttered a few arcane words under his breath. A soft glow enveloped Florence’s body before she arched her back, her eyes snapping open as she gasped. Gale caught her as she pitched forward, hyperventilating. He held her trembling frame steady, one hand stroking the back of her hair, trying to comfort her as she leaned against his shoulder.  “It’s okay, you’re alright. Breathe, I’ve got you….” “Welcome back to the land of the living, darling.” Astarion purred as Withers exited the tent unceremoniously. Gale turned with slow precision as he narrowed his eyes as Florence pulled out of his arms, throwing her hands in the air. “You killed me?!”

Summary: Florence takes a brief trip to the Fugue Plane and Gale spirals about it. (Gale POV)

Pairing: Gale x Named Tav/OFC

Words: 2.4k

Warnings: blood, consensual blood drinking leading to non-consensual death, possessiveness/jealousy, hurt/comfort, mild sexuality (Gale fantasizes and gets an erection)

Read on AO3

Gale hesitated several steps away from Florence’s tent, brow furrowed as he scanned the ground beneath his feet, formulating his apology. He had practiced his words countless times, but the right ones still eluded him.

He regretted snapping at her. It was not unreasonable for her to question the legitimacy of his feelings, given the circumstances. And how could he expect her to return his affections? Surely this was all a reignited Academy crush, thrown into drastic circumstances. Anyone would get swept up in the briefest of touches, or a few exchanged glances across camp after a year of isolation. Gale could hardly fault her for being sensible, for guarding her heart against the unknown. Yet, despite her doubts, he couldn’t deny the hint of a spark of… something.

After all, they had history. Perhaps he’d come on too strong in his recent yearning, but it’s not as if these feelings weren’t there before - long before his romantic involvement with Mystra even.

Regardless of where they stood, Florence was his friend, and he owed her an apology. It was unbearable for him to leave things like this.

Summoning all his courage, Gale clenched and unclenched his fists, wriggling his fingers to clear the tension. As he drew closer, he strained his ears, catching the faint rustling of Florence’s bedroll, and the sound of Astarion whispering. He halted in mid-step, his heart sinking.

Was he too late? Were they together? He couldn’t decipher the words being exchanged, but the implication was enough to send a spasm of misery through his chest. His tattoo glowed in response and inhaled sharply to dismiss it.

He’d been so certain that she saw Astarion as nothing more than a vexing travel companion, forced upon her by circumstance. Doubt gnawed at his soul, and the memory of their connection, their shared moment with the Weave, suddenly felt like a distant dream. How could he, a wizard who had spent a year in isolation, as a failure , compete with the rakish charms of a magistrate, seemingly built for seduction? Just days ago, he and Florence were at each other’s throats and now…

He was paralyzed with embarrassment. So he had been making an ass of himself. What he’d thought was a budding romance was simply the product of his own deluded desires and lonely imagination. Feeling more foolish than ever, he backed away, his retreat marked by the soft crunch of fallen leaves underfoot. There was no point in apologizing now, not when he was in such a state…

Just as he turned his back, he heard Astarion swear. Gale whirled to find him emerging from Florence’s tent alone, glancing around. When he noticed Gale, his expression faltered.

“Ah. Hello.” His confident mask slipped back into place as he offered a brief wave. “Just had a chat with Florence. She’s resting now, no need to disturb her, I’m off for a brief perimeter check…“

Gale squinted as he listened to Astarion’s rambling. Something wasn’t adding up.

“What did you do, bore her to sleep?”

Astarion’s body language betrayed his discomfort, but he forced a smile.

“That’s more your style than mine, darling.” His pleasant tone only thinly veiled the insult.

Gale studied him. “Look, this doesn’t have to be awkward. I apologize if this is too forward... but I wanted to ask about you and Florence. I couldn’t help but notice that the two of you seem...close lately.”

“ Ha! ” Astarion let out a bark of laughter that almost made Gale flinch. “It’s far more tame than whatever you’re imagining, my dear.” He took several steps before abruptly turning around, his hand resting on his chin.

“You don’t happen to have, perhaps, a few gold coins to spare, do you?” Astarion asked, a calculating look in his eyes.

Gale arched an eyebrow, his arms crossing skeptically. Still, he reached into his trouser pocket, pulling out a handful of coins.

“What use do you have for gold at this hour?” his suspicion grew as he handed them over.

Astarion snatched the coins, and they clinked together as he laid them flat in his palm, counting and added more from his own pockets.

“Just settling a debt with the old bag of bones,” he mumbled cryptically.

“Withers? He hardly seems the gambling type…”

Gale glanced from Astarion to Florence’s tent, then to the skeleton by the nearby lake. A sense of foreboding settled in his gut. Something was very, very wrong.

Ignoring Astarion’s sounds of protest, Gale shoved past him and into Florence’s tent, freezing immediately.

A flickering candle atop a stack of books cast a soft, eerie glow, illuminating her figure lying on the bedroll. Her eyes were closed, lips parted, and as his gaze fell to her neck, he glimpsed droplets of scarlet staining the collar of her shirt.

He crept closer and knelt down by her side. In the dim light, the typical warmth of her complexion had faded into a bone-shaded pallor. With a trembling hand, he reached forward and pressed two fingers to her neck, below a pair of fresh puncture wounds. Her skin felt lukewarm, lifeless…cold.

As his mind caught up to reality, a wave of grief and rage washed over him. Florence couldn’t be dead. It was impossible. And yet, there she was, void of the modest blush that typically painted her cheeks. 

“No. No, no, no, no, no,” He frantically searched for a pulse, his fingers leaving streaks of blood on her neck.

“How…what have you...” his voice cracked as he looked down at Florence’s body before meeting Astarion’s stare, gut twisting with anguish.

“We’re running out of time.” Astarion said and rushed outside before Gale had the chance to throttle him.

Kneeling on the ground, Gale remained there for what felt like an eternity, haunted by Florence’s corpse. There was no serenity in her features, but no fear, either. Was it confusion? Betrayal? What had transpired here? 

She was gone. Dead. Not from the tadpole in her skull or any foreseeable fate that could have befallen her outside the perimeters of this camp, but by Astarion’s hand. Had she sought comfort in him after their fight? Or had they been involved far longer than Gale had realized?

Unable to accept the reality, he pulled her into his lap, cradling her in his arms as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“We’ll bring you back, hold on…”

Footsteps fell outside just before Astarion clambered in, stumbling onto the rug Florence had laid out over the dirt.

“There. You can fix her, right?” He asked over his shoulder as Withers strode inside with a maddening lack of urgency. Gale’s head snapped up, his desperate expression turning to fury. 

“Fix her? Fix her? She’s not a broken toy, she’s dead , Astarion! You killed her!” Only the weight of grief, and the lifeless body in his lap, held the wizard in place.

“I know I bloody killed her!” Astarion snarled. “It was an accident. Now, if you’d be so kind, pull yourself together and let the skeleton bring her back.”

“An accident?” Gale scoffed. “Snuffing out her life was a silly gaffe for you, was it?” 

Withers stepped forward, assessing Florence. “The girl has been drained of blood, but her soul lingers just beyond death. The vampire has paid his dues. Stand aside.”

With a grim expression, Gale released Florence’s body, returning it to the bedroll and sitting back on his heels helplessly, gaze fixed on her motionless form before he met Astarion's gaze, a dangerous glint appearing in his eyes.

Withers, his ancient face betraying no emotion, uttered a few arcane words under his breath. A soft glow enveloped Florence’s body before she arched her back, her eyes snapping open as she gasped. Gale caught her as she pitched forward, hyperventilating. He held her trembling frame steady, one hand stroking the back of her hair, trying to comfort her as she leaned against his shoulder. 

“It’s okay, you’re alright. Breathe, I’ve got you….”

“Welcome back to the land of the living, darling.” Astarion purred as Withers exited the tent unceremoniously.

Gale turned with slow precision as he narrowed his eyes as Florence pulled out of his arms, throwing her hands in the air.

“You killed me?!” she shrieked at Astarion.

“Take it as a compliment. You were ever so delicious.” He examined his nails. “Besides, everything worked out.”

“The Hells it did! Do you know what the Fugue Plane is like?”

“Well, I’m a vampire, so-”

“Enough!” Gale stood and Florence and Astarion fell silent, taken aback by his unexpected rise in volume. He took a deep breath before continuing, his voice calm but maintaining an authoritative edge.

“Were you ever planning on informing camp that you’re a bloody vampire , Astarion? I have no quarrel with your nature. I’m sympathetic to it, even, but to drain someone of life without their consent-”

Florence lowered her gaze before interrupting him. “He had my consent, Gale.”

The wizard stared in disbelief before he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t…I don’t even know where to start with this. Explain it to me, from the beginning. Please.” He waved, closing his eyes. “Just…please.”

“I made a sacrifice for the better of the group. We need Astarion and we need him at full strength. Besides…he’s one of us,” Florence said begrudgingly, glancing in Astarion’s direction as she added, “I’m positive there won’t be a repeat occurrence.” 

Astarion drew a cross over his heart, a smirk playing on his lips. “Promise.”

“Perhaps you should keep your mouth shut, Astarion. For more reasons than one.” Gale snapped. He clenched his jaw, frustrated and helpless. As much as he loathed to admit it, Florence was right. But the thought - Astarion’s tongue and teeth against her skin, the unavoidable intimacy of being sustained by her blood, that she would care for him so much to put herself in harm’s way…

It made him sick.

“You allowed him to bite you?” he asked Florence, just above a whisper. “Do you honestly believe he would make the same sacrifice for you? Or for any of us?“

“I’m right here,” Astarion grumbled. “And technically, I’m a spawn.”

As Gale shot him a glare, he caught sight of the rest of the camp gathered outside, looking in on them with confused and concerned expressions.

“What’s it to you, Gale? I thought we weren’t speaking.” Florence asked bitterly. “Wouldn’t want you to get too riled up.”

He flinched. So consumed by her death, he’d forgotten about their recent argument. The words cut deep, and the audience wasn’t helping. Intuitively, Karlach cut in. 

“Hey fella, let’s go have a chat about keeping our fangs to ourselves.” She said to Astarion, breaking the silence and inclining her head towards the fire. The others echoed similar sentiments under their breath as they departed.

“Astarion.” Gale called out.

The vampire hesitated. “Mm?” 

“If you think I’m going to just let this go, you’re sorely mistaken.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Astarion sneered, allowing the tent flap to close behind him. 

Alone, a moment of tense silence hung between Florence and Gale. She hugged her knees to her chest as she sat on her bedroll, appearing rather pale and haggard as she spoke, staring off into space.

“Is now a better time for you to talk?” her weariness drowned out the hostility in her voice. “Never mind whether it’s inconvenient for me, having just risen from the dead and all.”

Defeated, Gale crouched down in front of her, becoming equally fatigued.

“I was coming to apologize when I…discovered you, Florence.” His expression was soft, tortured. “I was hurt, earlier. I spoke without thinking…” 

“I did too.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “You’re not the only one with regrets about the evening.”

With a heavy sigh, he rubbed at his face, stubble scratching against his palm. Delicately, he reached out and tilted her chin upward with two fingers, forcing her to meet his gaze. Disheveled and wet with blood, her loose curls brushed against his wrist.

“Please don’t put yourself at risk like that ever again, Floss...” he whispered, his thumb stroking her cheekbone.

The recollection of their intimacy came flooding back, a bittersweet reminder of the previous night. Curiously, she blinked at him, unmoving, and as he realized what he had done—the familiar, tender gesture coming to him so intuitively—he quickly withdrew his hand. 

“I...ah…” he swallowed hard, and pushed himself to his feet, dusting himself off. 

“You should rest. You must be exhausted after… everything. If you…” He stepped back, creating more distance between them. “...need anything…I’ll just send in Shadowheart to check on you…”

She nodded and then glanced away. For a moment, he thought he saw a glimmer of something there—pain, longing, remorse.

He cleared his throat, shoving his hands into his pockets, nodding. 

“Right. Well…goodnight, then,” he stammered as he backed out of the tent. “Sleep well, Florence.”

As he exited, he waved over Shadowheart and swiftly disappeared to his tent, evading his companion’s questions as he used a damp rag to scrub what remained of Florence's blood from his skin with a shudder. To think, if Astarion had simply disappeared from camp, leaving her to be discovered the next morning, when her soul might have ventured further into the afterlife. If it might have been too late by the time they found her…

Sleep eluded him, his thoughts incessantly returning to Florence. The way she looked in death. How her lifeless body felt in his hands.

To the vision she showed him in the Weave. Her tongue in his mouth, her hand on his…

Light flared from the tattoo on his collarbone as his arousal strained against the front of his trousers. Disgusted by his desires just hours after she’d died , he sought distraction by immersing himself in a tome by candlelight. He wouldn’t allow his imprudent fantasies to be the reason she died a second time.

At dawn, as the sun painted the inside of his tent a bright orange, he abandoned his futile pursuit of sleep and pushed the book aside, climbing out of bed and venturing to the campfire to start breakfast.

Last night was an obvious demonstration of the danger of keeping secrets from one another. Astarion’s vampirism may have proven fatal by accident, but Gale’s condition was far more volatile. Unpredictably so.

As his companions rose from their bedrolls and retreated from tents, stretching and yawning in the morning light, he steeled himself.

He had to tell them the truth before it was too late.

[philtstone]

han/leia : hold <3

missing scene from my silly modern road trip au of yore

A day after they cross the Missouri border, after Leia brains Han's old boss with the baseball bat, she manspreads against the hot concrete road and complains while Han tries to fix the car's AC for the tenth time.

"-- no real food, because we're in a goddamn food desert, and the back seat is starting to smell like armpit, and who even thought to leave the Cheetos in the glove compartment? They're melted in there, Han, it's a disgrace. This whole trip is a disgrace. Serves me right for getting caught up with you numbskulls."

"Honey, hold this for a second," Han says, poking his head out from inside the car and handing her, in order, one ancient screwdriver and a half-drank can of beer. The forty minutes they've been at this under the summer sun have made him sweaty in this mundane, noticeable way, and he's stripped down to the grimy wifebeater that rides up at the back when he bends back into the car. Leia stares unabashedly at his chest hair in between her complaints. "You eaten today?"

"I'm not a toddler, Han."

"Yeah, but you get all prickly when you're hungry. Like a cactus. Gimme the screwdriver again, would you?"

She scowls over to the other side of the road, where Luke, who has stripped his own shirt completely off, is playing catch barefoot with Chewie in the empty field on the side of the highway. Every so often a new car will whiz by. When Han holds out his hand this time, Leia pours the dribbling remains of the beer can over it and pokes him in the ass with the tool.

"Waste of a perfectly good drink," Han mutters, after he's flinched hard enough to knock his head against the car ceiling, hard enough that the sunglasses perched against his forehead fall to the ground with a clatter. "You worried about the cops?"

She did technically commit assault a couple nights ago. Leia fiddles with the hem of her own sweaty tank top.

"No."

"Fine. So?"

Leia looks away, feeling suddenly vulnerable. "Nothing. It's -- I'm sorry."

Her brother's laughter floats over and makes her guilty frown deepen. There's a crunch of shoes on roadside gravel and Han's extricated his long limbs from the van's innards to come and crouch down beside her. "Got caught up with us numbskulls, huh?"

"I guess you're the one who got caught up."

He hums in the back of his throat and shrugs. "I guess. My last job kinda didn't work out, though."

"What about your engineering degree?"

"Jesus, Leia, it's summer vacation."

Not for Leia, usually, but everything about this year has been new and strange and uncomfortable. Maybe that's why she's having mood swings reminiscent of a heavily pregnant wildcat. She grimaces; that was a very Han-like sentence, which means they've been spending far too much time together. In close quarters, no less. She doesn't really yearn for their taco stand days, but things were definitely simpler then.

"That's not how you get lucrative civic jobs in a sector that contributes productively to societal infrastructure."

"You keep talking like that and I'll wanna screw you against the hood of the car," Han mutters. She cracks a grin.

"Luke would complain."

"Luke can spend that time fixing his damn idiot GPS."

She lets him help her to her feet; they go join Luke in the game of catch. She takes her shoes off, like her brother has, and doesn't think about DC for the rest of the afternoon.

[r0zzk1ll]

Hello bendy fandom Really fucking long rant/analysis abt me defending wally franks batim in a nutshell (and kind of basically making an au??.?. idk probably). enjoy if u want or don't idc 🎷🐇

i know this is a really stupid thing to be mad about, but the fact that wally isnt buddy boris has stuck with me ever since dctl was released. i found out through a fucking superhorrorbro video of all things all the way back in like 2018 i'm pretty sure 😭😭 i was so disappointed when i found out bc like WHAT DO U MEAN THE JANITOR/HANDYMAN OF JOEY DREW STUDIOS, EHO WAS GENERALLY A TRICKSTER AND A CLUTZ AND LIKED TO PISS PEOPLE OFF, ISN'T THE PERFECT BORIS CLONE. BUDDY BORIS FITS/HAD POTENTIAL TO FIT MOST TO ALL OF THAT CRITERIA.

and don't grt me wrong, i (kind of) like buddy as a character, BUT i really just don't think he fits the role (from what i've seen/read). like he could've been a different boris clone as a little easter egg/nod to what happened to him and how he died but as like. an important role in the game?? even though the books aren't even fucking canon apparently now so his subplot doesn't even make sense anymore?????.????... ooh bitchh

ALSO the "he (wally) got outta there that's why/he has a wife and kids" IS A WEAK ASS FUCKING ARGUMENT. THIS IS NOT A SHITS AND GIGGLES PLOTLINE U CAN JUST THROW AWAY. how come thomas grts to be tom (which makes somewhat sense with him also being a handyman type of guy), but wally can't also partake in the Main Character-ified Borisification to help henry traverse the studio. why can't that just be so easy to do. there could've been so many cool extra plotpoints and nods to what could've happened to him but Noooo Noooooooooo they just HAD to make a whole new character JUST for wally to NOT BE BORIS. ESPECIALLY WHEN THE BOOKS ARE NON CANON NOW BECAUSE THAT MAKES TOTAL SENSE. (/sarc)

and don't FUCKING quote me on batds bc i know SOMEBODU will be like "b-b-b-bbut b-b-buddy's whole s-s-side plot with collecting the scraps in batds makes him c-c-c-canon!!! 🥺🥺🥺💖😭😭💔💔💔🎀🎀✨✨ ur just mad bc it's not what was assumed by the fandom!! ;-; úwù heh..." FIRST OF ALL, BUDDY ISNT EVEN MENTIONED IN ANY OF THE CANON GAMES (besides the secret message in the safehouse but i don't think that rlly counts imo), NOR DOES HE HAVE ANY RELEVANCE IN THE STORY WHATSOEVER, WHICH MEANS HE IS STRICTLY BOOK-CANON. SECOND OF ALL, BATDS WAS KNOWN AS A SIDE/EXTRA GAME AT THE TIME OF IT'S RELEASE AND WASN'T EVEN CONFIRMED TO BE APART OF BATIM OR ANY OTHER PART OF THE FRANCHISE (ASIDE FROM A SIDE GAME TO PLAY WHILE BATDR WAS IN PRODUCTION) UNTIL BATDR WAS RELEASED AND CONFIRMED BATDS IS HAPPENING DURING IT (WHICH DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE EITHER)!!!

I DON'T CARE WHAT KIND OF OPINION COULD CHANGE MY MIND. WE GOT A PERFECTLY GOOD AND WELL-DEVELOPED CHARACTER (AND A [PERSONAL] FAN FAVORITE) AT THAT POINT FOR WHO BORIS COULD'VE BEEN, AND IT GOT TAKEN FOR SOME STUPID SEEMINGLY HALF-ASSED SUBPLOT THAT'S ONLY HALF-CANON NOW BECAUSE MIKE FUCKING D IS A GOD DAMN MORON IDIOT BASTARD ASS BITCH OHHH MY GOD IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY I'M GONNA PULL OUT ALL MY HAUR

sorry. almost lost my cool there guys.. ☝️😎 (/J)

soo with all that said, PERSONALLY this is what i think they should've done with buddy instead (under the cut so this post isn't 600 pages long)

first of all; scrap buddy's origin story completely and just make dtcl about the fact that he was simply another victim of the machine instead of making him such a major character (ex. a boris clone that was almost perfect but didn't quite make it like i said earlier)

on top of that, dctl could've just been insight on a single worker's process through working at the studio to being one of many victims of the machine, instead of turning him into such a titular important gary stu ass character with an in-depth backstory and Joey Drew Favoritism™ apparently that CLEARLY didn't need it + shouldn't be an mc if he's only in the books + the books aren't canon and the games are. so then it doesn't make it make any sense if he has such an important role and he isn't even fucking canon anyway and etc.

if he would've just stayed a minor inconvenient mc in a non-canon book it wouldn't have been detrimental to the lore as Mr. D Likes To Exaggerate (to me) + the books just seem like a fun one-off exclusive to the game series anyway, so it starts to kind of make sense why they aren't canon and leaves a lot of mysteries up to interpretation which is something i DO appreciate (to a CERTAIN extent)

here's what i think could've been done if wally was actually buddy boris and faced The Horrors™ like a normal main character should. an au, if you will (AND bc im VERY bias abt wally since He was my first ever og blorbo the first time i heard his audio log i literally owe him my Life💜💜💜💜)

wally could've started dropping hints in his audio logs that something funny was happening in the studio (specifically to him)/he could've been the last major victim to be sacrificed to the machine and therefore being one of the reasons of having the role of "the perfect boris" as malice said

-he also seems like the type of person to give into manipulation fairly easily, not knowing how truly bad something is before he gets involved yk

-a bit of a stretch BUT could also be a nod to susie's initial likeness towards wally pre-canon and vice versa (sourced from the special audio log wally has on the jds yt channel)

-him being the perfect boris also could allude to his personality/attributes and the way he talked abt the studio

and you can't forget the audio log of him and thomas bickering like COME ONNNN THERE COULD'VE BEEN A WHOOOLE SUB-SUBPLOT WHERE TOM AND BUDDY BORIS RECOGNIZE EACH OTHER SOMEHOW AT SOME POINT BUT THEY DON'T KNOW HOW

-TOM COULD'VE RECOGNIZED HIM EVEN AS BRUTE BORIS AFTER HENRY KILLS HIM and allison too but TOMMMMMMM😭😭😭😭😭CAN ANYONE HEAR MEEEEE

extra hints in the game like certain phrases and mannerisms of his (ink/glowing ink writings like his "i'm outta here!" written in certain locations or like. boris being clumsier as he walks/carrying around keys/scavenging for food [kind of like in the start of chapter 3], etc.)

-i also think that the connection that buddy boris (and just boris in general) has with food can connect with wally as well bc of the audio log where he's like "Omg 💖 Cake 💖just for me! Don't Tell Anyone Though. Our little secret. 😝" or the bit in the handbook where he finds some "churros" i Guess

there's also a LOT of potential for there to be a whole OTHER subplot where sammy could have found him one day and hadn't recognized him bc All The Boris Clones Look The Same, but buddy boris recognized sammy and there could be a whole conversation with henry and sammy abt him and dropping hints at it and blahblahblah etc etc.

-sammy probably could've mentioned him* at some point too even if he hadn't seen buddy boris as like a "hey.. i knew that fuckass guy.. wtf" (*and i know he mentions wally in the hot topic takeover thing on twitter from a while ago but i mean like in the actual game)

i think that the fact of boris being a Non-Verbal King™ would also be a funny contrast to how many god damn audio logs wally has. like Shut yuor mouth fucker /REF

the bit in chapter 3 where boris knows every nook and cranny of the studio and how to navigate the vent system could also lead to wally's nature of having a lot of knowledge of the layout to the building (due to being a janitor/running errands for people, similar to buddy) + he mentions staying in late to freshen up some offices so he might've explored more using that time as well because his personality shows he's a bit of a nosy guy

ALSO a stretch, but wally's first audio log in chapter one being fairly close to the first boris corpse displayed could've been a good foreshadow to his revival as buddy boris (and where the theory originated i'm pretty sure once ch2 came out)

the saferoom at the start of chapter 3 could've also been a great place to reference him (they could've put his hat from bendy royale in the shelf next to/on the hammock Can anyone hear me)

i also think that wally is supposed to be painted as an older guy?? so he probably already would've moved on from the studio due to leaving and starting his own business and having a family I Guess?????? idk but to me i think he'd be more of the college drop-out that thinks he's hot shit type of guy when in reality he doesn't know what a 2 + 2 is (ex. the audio log in batds where he's like "i was the best Student! Brickmore High! [tiktok bold emoji] These college bozos don't be knowin' shit!!"

-younger people are easier to manipulate like i talked abt earlier (especially someone like him that doesn't think before he Does Anything . boy has no thoughts)

wally also most likely would've known who henry was/was friendly with him while working there too at some point while henry was still at the studio pre-canon, so he probably recognized him throughout the cycle

i could ramble forever abt this bc it's such a strangely frustrating topic for me BUT in conclusion; i personally tbink that it would've been perfectly logical for wally to have been buddy boris (probably called somethig else), and buddy should've been a completely seperate character that would've done just as well on his own in the book instead of having a whole ass overarching plot for no reason?? and the "canonicity" of it is weirdly up for debate??? idk Watever thank you for coming to my tedtalk 😇😇Bye

⭐ !! bonus wally doodle dump since u made it this far !! seriously why r u Here ⭐

[tokyopewpew]

Part whatever of Veilguard Breakdown!

Themes, gameplay, Overall Plot, and ruminations on the Production behind the game aka wild speculation.

Spoilers abound as well as some disclaimers under the cut. Buckle up this is going to be a LONG ONE.

Ok I am going to try and organize this so it isn’t just a ramble. I also don’t meant this to come across as a defense or shilling for Bioware or EA, if it sounds defensive or you think I’m giving a lot of grace, please know it is for the actual real, physical people who had to make this game. The writers, the game designers and directors, who I think had an incredibly difficult job to pull off with this game. ( and if you couldn’t tell already, i really liked it so I think they did a great job!)

My credentials to talk out of my ass are: I work in *vague general gesture* entertainment. I studied anthropology, writing, film and tv (specifically animation) both seriously in college and in my free time. I write and draw comics, I animate, and do general writing/editing for novels and scripts. I am not saying i am right in any way shape or form, but I have some extra insight maybe, which I think puts me more sympathetic towards to rough spots in this game.

I’m also a Solavellan Truther so be warned.

That being said here we go:

Gameplay:

Overall I really enjoyed the game! Like most action games it took my a bit to get a grasp of all the buttons (oh my god so many buttons). I played the new God of War games and enjoyed that gameplay quite a bit, ergo I liked this gameplay. GoW was much more of a power fantasy than this though, where you felt monstrously strong from the jump. Playing as a mage, and only starting with Mage and Rogue companions did have me feel a little squishy, but by the end I was ripping enemies apart left and right. I think I beat Elgar’nan in like 6 minutes? It did not feel like I was fighting a god lmao.

I’m kind of weak on the critique for the gameplay. I’m glad there’s no crouch or stealth option thank christ. Like most action-y rpg’s there’s a light and heavy attack, a dodge, a jump, a sprint. The lines kind of blur for me on “how dare you copy these controls wholesale” and “these controls are generally linked to these actions, for ease of use for the player we’re staying consistent with other games for an easier onboarding.”

Also I have never played a dragon age game for the combat. I’m happy to have encounters and do fights but I could/did pretty much play Origins and 2 with a cocktail in one hand because it wasn’t that involved. Inquisition too just being kind of like eh, don’t keep tension in your finger, you’ll keep attacking don’t worry about it. I’m playing for the story and the plot, not the buttons I have to press to get to that. That being said, because of the total difference in game play, from past DA games, i do think this one is the most fun to play/fight in.

One of my very few combat gripes was that, given what a difference damage type makes in a fight, I wish I could change my weapon in the middle of combat. I don't want to have to leave a combat area, cool off, and then swap out my orb. Just let me change it mid combat please.

THAT ALL BEING SAID LETS TALK ABOUT THE PLOT AND PACING!

I do think this game has some recency bias against it. The other games have 10+ years of us rolling them around in the Fandom Rock Tumbler to shine them into perfect glowing beloved, well understood in totality creations. It’s been two fucking weeks with this game, of course it feels shallow in comparison. Give it some time and we’re gonna chew on it more.

That being said: I do agree that it feels softer than other games, but I can identify why that might be.

I think this game is a lot tighter on its narrative than any other DA game. By which I mean the main narrative is always very focused on defeating the gods. The companion quests feel very brief, sometimes just being conversations, and even though their personal quests are meant to in some way link back to the Evanuris, they feel like such small fish in comparison. Taking down any or all of the personal villains for each of the companions does not feel like I’ve made a tangible blow against the Evanuris the way destroying Corypheus’ lyrium mines and Samson’s armor did in Inquisition or the way recruiting the different factions did for Origins.

But here’s where I append my little caveats. (I'm gonna harp that DIFFERENT doesn't mean bad to me). I do like the breakneck pace of this plot. They did start off as cartoon-ish new villains being thrown in, like they do in every Marvel movie. But I think they did a good job of ramping up how terrifying they were pretty quickly and actually making them feel threatening. The odds felt forever stacked against us, and it matched the streamlined, focused main quest line. And hey, let’s be honest, the fetch quests and padded content was a big complaint against Inquisition (or many open world games).

Which is what makes me see a lot of the complaints against VG are ones where I don’t think people connect that Bioware is damned if they do, damned if they don’t. Do you want a streamlined, focused game without a lot of cruft, a complaint lobbed at many open world games? Ok you won’t get as many little side quests that feel like they add weeks to the plot.

I do think the companion quests are the things that actually make the plot slow down. But we love and want as much companion content as possible? Again, I think this could have helped if the companion personal villain quests felt more essential/woven into the Evanuris that would have helped. I think some more friction between the companions could have helped, in like banter where we saw that they're personal issues are bleeding into making problems with the team. HOWEVER: that's an easy criticism to make if it weren't a game where you can do many things in many different orders. Maybe there was more Davrin and Lucanis bickering, I just missed it because I didn't take them out in the field together, or I resolved more of their quests before I had them both in my party again.

Some Ranting about the SETTING

Seeing a lot of people throwing out that this game is a Soft-Retcon/Tonally Light compared to other DA games. Yes and no. I think it’s through some narrative necessity. I do wish Bioware would trust the audience more with some heavy shit but lets be fr media literacy is on the decline. I don't like that they're dumbing stuff down but has the public at large not proven they can't fucking comprehend a lot of what is thrown at them?

A major comment circulating is about the Crows being turned into Good Guys and Tevinter not going into the class system and slavery enough. I also experienced ZERO racism against my elf character or suspicion of me as a mage. Which, yes, is tonally different from the other games. And I would have liked the depth, I'm not gonna lie.

But given The Real World: I'm ok with not having slurs thrown at me in a game right now.

I also see that as a narrative choice. These are supposed to be your allies that are integral to making it through the game if you want everyone alive. I think they wanted all the antagonism and focus set on the Evanuris and Solas and didn't want to distract or give players the option to kind of question the factions they're petitioning support from.

It's in line with this game having far fewer consequences to your choices. They are more railroading with the plot/important decisions you make which I get isn't going to be to everyone's taste (again, more God of War feeling than DA Origins).

But I also think previous games had a really easy time talking shit and building up off-screen monsters. And now, narratively, they need to bring those off-screen monsters in and humanize them so you won't refuse to work with them outright.

Par example: Playing Origins and loving Zevran. Oh my god his horror stories about the Crows?? How can you support the Crows at ALL hearing what he’s said about them or how many times they try to kill him?!

Psst it's because Origin's goal was to humanize and make him likable as an individual and the narrative tool they used to do that was giving him a tragic backstory of poverty and abuse. Which is not unique to many assassin guild characters. But that kind of shoots them in the foot if they want to have any other Crow companion or involvement because they poisoned the well themselves. So what do they do? Just never include the Crows in a main story on the side of the hero ever? Do they introduce another assassin's guild and say no don't worry, they train their professional killers totally ethically and cool, you've just never heard of them? Or do they kind of work around what they've already got?

Meanwhile, the ones I haven't seen nearly as much critique on is the Lords of Fortune!! Oh my GOD were they sanitized to be Unproblematic! I was cringing so hard when they talked about being treasure hunters but they had Taash EXPLICITLY SPECIFICALLY clarify they don’t steal and they are careful with culturally sensitive materials, sending them to the appropriate people.

This is some Indiana Jones "it belongs in a museum" RetCon. But that's FINE because it matches our real world sensibilities.

Like I don't want to complain that the Crows can't have grown and evolved as a group (forcibly or of their own volition) and not also joke that Isabela really learns her lesson after DA2 to not fuck with culturally significant artifacts and turned the Lords of Fortune into the "pirates never steal another person's property" meme.

Complaining that the ASSASSIN'S GUILD isn't operating ethically is an oxymoron. We need some fantasy elements, some suspension of disbelief. Otherwise we're filing a million OSHA violations against Treviso too for the lack of railings in the Casino and Rook should go to jail for murder.

Like I said, it's not bad, it's just Different.

It's the change in landscape of 10-15 years of game/narrative. development. Of them listening. Sorry it can't go both ways. Gotta read up on the Ludonarrative dissonance again which I think is a huge struggle in making more realistic worlds and still having it be a fighting/action game.

For those that don't know: Ludonarrative dissonance is when the narrative and gameplay are at odds with each other. Kind of noted in games like Uncharted, where Nathan Drake is supposed to be a kind of every man, but the gameplay has you be a fucking action hero.

Or, since everyone loves to compare this to BG3 here is my own experience of it when playing that: I listened to the narrative the first time I played which said ANY SECOND NOW: YOU WILL BECOME A MINDFLAYER. DO NOT SLEEP DO NOT REST HOLY SHIT YOU’LL DIE.

So I only long rested like twice for all of act 1 and was confused when I didn’t get any cut scenes, plot, or dialogue people were talking about. And looking it up, I was not the only one who made that mistake. I listened to the narrative so damn good, that I was going to die any second, I didn't get the cut scene that told me it was ok to take a break, this artifact is going to protect you. So i reloaded an earlier save and re-played a good chunk of act 1 and rested often. Lo and behold: I got all the cut scenes that had previously eluded me! That to me was a big annoyance that the GAMEPLAY and the NARRATIVE were at odds like that.

Veilguard and Dragon Age suffer a bit from this in how they are trying to present a fleshed out, intricate, geo-political world, but you still need enemies to fight in the game. But not demonize entire cultures.

It doesn't help that Origins started off with kind a weak fantasy basis that doesn't hold up as well today. Europe but upside down, cultures are real world stand ins etc etc. And then add 15 years of not just games culture changing but culture culture changing and things that passed in the first game can't and shouldn't be carried over to the newest iteration. Or even mentioned above, where earlier games build up groups or areas as evil, which shoots themselves in the foot when they want to re-examine that later.

Like they have gotten a lot of flack for some of the elven and qunari depictions because they made the direct parallels to native americans and Muslim cultures. They have clearly learned their lesson to not demonize and ENTIRE culture and every person from that culture.

But then how do you have diverse enemies in games but also make it clear you aren't fighting an entire country/culture? We get the kind of weak so uh uh we have a separate faction now! the antaam are the BAD qunari like the venatori are the BAD Tevinters! We need enemies for you to kill and NOT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT but you have to know THESE are the cult ones which makes it ok! Which is something most video games do nowadays.

So when the comment is that previous games were darker, I believe the previous games were more grim because you were up against the world. It was a more brutal land of prejudice and strife and every faction you could join abused and indoctrinated kids in some way. Like that was of the time period to say "Look how Real and Serious our game is? Look how terrible everyone is, everyone is greedy and out for themselves and shitty, but you'll bend them to your will with your awesome might."

But that is not the tone of Veilguard. Which I would almost guess IS a real world reaction to purposefully NOT HAVE a lot of built in bigoted content for the sake of "realism." Both for it to be a fun, escapist game, and a power fantasy.

With the narrative of this game you need to be involved in all the factions which, I would guess, they decided to go more friction-less and have them all be groups you felt like deserved to be saved and that you care about rather than make you begrudgingly help someone you hate.

ANOTHER FOR EXAMPLE: The discourse ALREADY HAPPENING about the choice between Minrathous and Treviso. Like both options are TERRIBLE but saying that because Tevinter has slavery, it deserves the dragon attack? Wild!

Can ya maybe see why they chose to omit some stuff or not pack in anything that would make you doubt your allies? Or be ok with dooming them in the end game as some sort of catholic retribution for their Sins?

Another way to put it is that while I'm disappointed by maybe the lack of exploration on some of the deeper Geo-poltical topics, 1. I don't think that was the goal of the game. And 2. I would rather they recognize that they wouldn't be able to do it justice or go to the depth they would need to so it's better to cut it rather than deliver something they aren't proud of. Like the game shouldn't have to tell you that slavery is bad to know it's bad, even in the fantasy world. The goal of the game is also not to dismantle slavery in Tevinter.

So I ask the room: do we want to see slavery in our fun after work game? Do we want to be called knife ear and not be able to shop at merchant's if we're an elf? I'm kind of cool with not having that.

Disclaimer though: I am white as hell! I've seen black creators express frustration with the lack of conversation on these subjects and how that feels like Bioware pulling punches and it is totally fair to want more meaningful discussion of the topic in the game.

Seeing the bones through it's skin: thoughts on the production of the game:

It's a weird line to walk when Bioware is clearly wanting to make an inclusive, fun, first person game, but have depth and realism in a world that does include that from its shaky foundation. Has Thedas improved in the 10-20 in game years to be more inclusive?

The narrative design for a game is also super different from books or comics and why we generally want happier endings in games. One of the major criticisms against The Last of Us 2 was how fucking bleak it was. How do you get people to keep holding the controller when it's a tragedy? When it's a slog to get through? So I can see the decision to water down or sanitize areas to avoid turning off or downright triggering players.

Which also, same problem mentioned again. I don't think this is anyone here who's gotten this far into my rambling lol, but game design and writing having to be for BOTH new and old players makes it a much different writing experience. I think people have been trying to apply Book Continuity Rules to Dragon Age rather than Movie continuity. What do I mean by that?

Did you know that for comics, you should prepare for your second issue sales to drop by half? Because presumably, a lot of people will try your first issue but won't necessarily want to stick with it, and who in their right mind is going to pick up the second issue and not the first? And every subsequent issue sees a similar decline in order numbers BECAUSE it's a linear story where if you pick up the fourth one you won't know what the hell is happening and the payoff won't work. Video Games can't work like that, the same way movies try REALLY HARD to make sequels as easy as possible for someone to come in completely unfamiliar.

This has been the fault of Dragon Age and Mass Effect Andromeda overall. Trying to be a high fantasy series, but also anthology so you don't have to start from the beginning, with writers coming and going makes it a weird collaborative continuity that is BOUND to change OVER THE COURSE OF 15 YEARS.

Storylines and plots have been picked up and dropped and told they'll matter and quickly wrapped up across the course of every game. Because they have to make way for this to be someone's FIRST Dragon Age game. Inquisition was my first one and I think I made it 15 minutes before I had to stop and google Chantry, Templars, why the fuck do they hate elves? IT WAS A STEEP INTRO is what I'm saying. I've now since played all of the games and adore them all for their own reasons. And I'm sorry but I don't get why its so hard to grasp that the games are not being made to entirely be fanservice to existing players.

I get the frustration over only 3 choices carrying over but like... There cannot be a google survey at the beginning of the game.

"But what about the keep?" You may very well ask. I already commented on this in the tags of another post but I need y'all to really think and remember that the things brought over from the Keep are pretty much just as light, and most often only result in mild flavor text.

Given the development hell this game has gone through and what feels to me like a desperate attempt to limit scope and streamline the game, I can be disappointed but recognize it is realistic that those cameos are nice icing but not essential to a good story. Use your imagination. I think Mary Kirby said she gets the desire to see characters again, but you should not want them back for the Plot. If they're In The Plot, that usually isn't good for them. Varric. That is what fanfiction is for, so they don't invalidate people's headcanons or how they imagine the world to be.

Which I think they handled what they could well enough. Referring to Divine Victoria is a clean crisp way to let you yourself fill in the blanks. They just have to say Orlais, they don't have to specify whether it's one of 5 potential ruling situations. The more branching possibilities, the more chances for a game to break and I'm sorry it is a fucking MIRACLE this game ran smoothly and perfectly for me from day 1. I'd rather have that than a bug report that if you have a timeline with Old God Keiran, and Gaspard as ruler of Orlais and Divine Vivienne the game crashes and is unplayable.

I'm ok with Utada Hikaru, Simple and Clean writing that covers a lot of bases and lets YOU fill in the gaps yourself so that your world is not invalidated!

I think a lot of people are looking at it saying Bioware has endless EA money and this game had 10 years why couldn't it do Everything AND MORE. When that is not an accurate timeline. This game had 3-4 years of development built on two corpses that also had 2-4 years of development. And you can absolutely feel it sometimes. In that sense, the plot of being a core group of weirdos, trying their best, beset by development hell, met with huge expectations and criticized for it's divergence or lack of inclusion of past game decisions WELCOME DRAGON AGE 2: 2 THE VEILGUARD.

Ok whew I think that's going to be it. I love you goodbye.

[cavalierious-whim]

Good news everyone! I've added Romanistique, Vol 1 to the shop for preorders!

I just lost my job, so any reblogs and shares are appreciated.

Shop link can be found here! Book specs as follows:

If you'd rather a digital copy of the PDF ONLY, you still can snag those here on my gumroad!

Don't forget to follow me on Twitter if you haven't!

As a reminder, these listings are for PRE-ORDERS of printed copies of some of my most popular works. Included with the purchase is a PDF. Turnaround time is estimated at 2-3 months after Pre-orders close. Subject to change depending on production.

"What is a romance but learning to compromise? Kaveh and Alhaitham have a lot to unpack in regard to their feelings for each other, but there is one simple fact: Love has no rules, and so, getting there is entirely on their own terms."

Alhaitham/Kaveh, Explicit. 35 Fics.

INCLUDES 5 BRAND-NEW FICS: 'Boiling Point' "They fuck for the first time after a heated argument." 'What An Asset' "Kaveh likes to traipse around the house wearing one of Haitham's shirts, totally ass out. " 'On-The-Clock Shenanigans' "Alhaitham is super stressed as the Acting Grand Sage, so Kaveh warms his dick under the desk." 'Touchy-Feely' "Drunk Alhaitham doting on Kaveh after a night out, cuddling close and being oddly sweet." 'Ready, Set, Recharge' "Clingy Alhaitham who just needs to recharge with a hug."

A5 Paperback, Uncoated Pages, Matte Cover NSFW 300 + pages

Find the listing here.

"A trip through the ages as Zhongli and Childe learn what it means to love each other."

Zhongli/Childe, Explicit. 34 Fics. Featuring the art of: Jieverysus, Enesefwee, and Hatogaia.

INCLUDES 4 BRAND-NEW FICS:

'Nibble' "After a flirting snafu, Zhongli is dying to kiss the pout off of Childe's face." 'Cringeworthy Kiss' "Childe comes home and gives Zhongli a big smooch, forgetting that he just ate seafood." 'Special: Xiangling' "Xiangling would like personal recognition for being the reason Zhongli and Childe are together (says she)." 'These Marks Spell Love' "Zhongli has very few scars, collecting and keeping the ones that have meaning-- like the scratches Childe leaves on his back from their lovemaking."

A5 Paperback, Uncoated Pages, Matte Cover NSFW 300 + pages

Find the listing here!

"Childe once saw a glimpse of his nerdy Uni roommate Zhongli, and it was over for him. Cue the pining, the moping, the fucking around to forget the sight of those rock-hard abs hidden underneath those sweater vests. Just one problem: Zhongli thinks exactly the same." Zhongli/Childe, Explicit. 7 Chapters + Epilogue, and extras. INCLUDES 3 BRAND-NEW FICS: 'Zhongli, the Bed is Just Too Fucking Big' "Childe and Zhongli are used to snuggling in cramped quarters, so their new bed is awkward at first." 'No, Childe, It's Not Appropriate to Fuck Near the Priceless Antiques' "After getting his PhD, Zhongli accepts a teaching position. Childe, having since graduated, pays visit at Zhongli's office for some fun." 'Let It Be Known: Zhongli is Childe's #1 Fan' "Childe has gone pro. Zhongli surprises him by appearing at an away game in Sumeru and they fuck like rabbits in their hotel room because he's been traveling too long." A5 Paperback, Uncoated Pages, Matte Cover NSFW 150+ pages

Find the listing here!

"Childe has held a candle for the fancy CEO he's delivered to for several years. The man couldn't possibly like him back... right?" Zhongli/Childe, Explicit. 6 Chapters + Epilogue. Features Art. INCLUDES 6 NEW FICS! 'Blessed Be Our Space' "Childe moves in." 'Punchline' "Zhongli proposes eloping, which Childe thinks is a joke." 'Only You' "Zhongli and Childe do as one does on the honeymoon." '20% Tip' "It's the anniversary of Childe's first delivery to Zhongli." 'Dastardly' "Zhongli is asked to consult during a business dinner as a favor, which leaves Childe to tease him relentlessly when brought as his plus-one." 'Gilded' "Zhongli and Childe cuddle on a cold morning." A5 Paperback, Uncoated Pages, Matte Cover NSFW 150+ pages

Find the listing here!

'Liyue has fallen cold with the turn of Winter, snow flurries filling the air. Join Zhongli and Childe as they celebrate the Yuletide season, their love, and everything in between. A Yuletide Treasury is a series of interconnected oneshots based on a holiday themed prompt list.' Warning: The NSFW content is SWITCH. These fics feature both T/B dynamics as Childe and Zhongli are versatile in this collection. YOUR CHOICE OF:

NSFW, 150+ pages, 31 Fics, 4 NSFW Fics SFW, 130+ Pages, 30 Fics

A5, Matte Cover, Full-Color

SFW listing can be found here.

NSFW listing can be found here!

Likes, shares, reblogs here and sharing on twitter is appreciated!

[alexilulu]

GAMES I PLAYED OF THE YEAR 2023, #1

(Next: #2)

OR: How I Was Let Down By AAA Dogshit

Razzies Award for Most Baffling Game of 2023 Winner: Final Fantasy XVI (Square Enix, Creative Business Unit III)

Or: The Aristocrats, by Way of D & D (the Game of Thrones TV writers, not the tabletop roleplaying game)

Playing Final Fantasy 16 was an exercise that began as farce, then kind of morphed into tragedy, for me. This might be because of how I played it (my girlfriend played until the first Kupka fight, stopped playing when she saw the volume of sidequests that spawned after that, and I played the rest), or how thoroughly I felt that the game was doing something that was making me thoroughly depressed to see go where it did.

I think mostly I was hoping that the AAA, ultimate budget and engine that they gave CBU3 to run and play with, the indulgence from corporate masters to let them experiment and make something new that still rings with the Final Fantasy name, gave me Final Fantasy 14 with better skin shaders and shit.

I didn’t go into it expecting much on the politics; the magical underclass is ruinously powerful (they literally control the means of production with their bodies, villages are reliant on them for water because they don’t dig wells anymore) and simultaneously reviled, beaten and ultimately killed by their own power via crystallization. The world is divided by kingdoms…that all have agreed to a central banking standard that a merchant’s guild set and not a single one of them is doing wild debasement to? The planet’s dying, Cloud, but everyone’s way more focused on watching gay Bahamut cross cocks with Odin twice and then leave in the skies over another pointless battle? 

All of which is out the window by the time Titan’s dead in the ground, btw. The plight of the Branded is wholly forgotten the moment the plot really wants to be about the world-ending god who wants Clive’s body, and doing things about free will and predestination without even a look back at how those themes play into the abject chattel slavery that a significant portion of the world lives under. 

But somehow, it’s bizarre, disappointing and ultimately confused middle to final third aren’t really my biggest problem with the game, even if the finale was quarter-baked and vaguely infuriating. I can accept a fully vibes-based plot, even when it has pretensions towards a grand scale of movement and war (they really brought in a historian into the plot after the timeskip so they can pretend they have any cohesive idea of geopolitics going on outside of when you show up and the world starts ending somewhere immediately). I can even except the ‘fuck yeah humanity’ ass boring ending that’s supposed to make you feel like you read a fairy tale about the hero who saved everyone.

The combat brutally, terminally killed any semblance of care I could ever show for this game by the time I had all the eikons unlocked.

See, this is a thing that’s been a long time coming for final fantasy, ever since the first 13 game, when they introduced the idea of stagger and magic/physical damage, the idea of a high-damage state you put the enemy in and extend the duration of by applying elemental weaknesses that allows you to hammer them with physical damage. This was how FF13 worked and was designed around the 13-style turn-based ATB system, stacking up multiple moves on a bar, and it’s a little bit of how FF15 worked by way of Kingdom Hearts with a teleport button, but by FF16 the plot is lost completely.

You put enemies into stagger…by hitting them with anything. You get elemental-themed bursts you can intersperse between your sword strikes by learning a very basic one-two rhythm that speeds it up (because magic abilities do more stagger than physical damage, natch), and you have big flashy super abilities that are on a cooldown and are based on your eikons equipped. So you’ve got a pretty easy one-two of hitting them with basic combos and using your specials to tip them over the edge…

But wait. Your specials are also your biggest routes to high damage in the game. That’s where the big bad Phoenix wing swing is, one of the most simply effective damage moves in the game that isn’t Literally Gigaflare Beaming Their Ass. Do you want to use that for stagger…Or do you want to clear the fight in less than 20 minutes?

The stagger mechanic in 16 perfectly recreates the feeling of being in a DPS window in Final Fantasy 14 (for the luckily uninitiated, this is when you would all pop your party buffs at the same time, so that you all benefit maximally from damage amps and do your highest potency skills during to maximize your damage for the 20 or so seconds it happens during), to the point where it feels like they did it on purpose. 

So, you get them in stagger, and the dance of holding R2 and cycling through your special abilities begins. You can have 6 of them at a time, so there’s a real flair to chaining them together, and it can feel great to just go through your rotation perfectly and end the stagger window with some light chain comboing for good measure. It even pops your damage up at the end so you can be like yeah! I did that much damage! I’ll only need to do that 3 more times to finish fighting this interminably slow dragon!

It’s fucking boring. It has the feeling of feeling good. It’s a little dopamine hit for you to just optimally nail things down, but there’s literally nothing to it. It doesn’t feel like anything. The rhythm to hit so that you get a full 8 hit combo of sword and burst attacks numbs the senses. The extraordinarily forgiving dodge that rewards precision with bonus stagger damage on your next hit feels like a single Skittle thrown into my mouth for doing a trick right. 

I think that might be where I’ve landed on the game. Final Fantasy 16 doesn’t feel like anything. A moodboard of a video game, designed to death by a team that didn’t know any other way to make a game than to make more of what they made before (CBU3 are the primary minds behind Final Fantasy 14 before they split to work on 16 around 2020, with various parts of the team cycling in and out of Final Fantasy 14 in the ensuing years). Final Fantasy 16 is Final Fantasy 14 wearing Game of Thrones’ skin. 

I do mean that somewhat literally; Non-primary cutscenes are shot and directed in the precise manner that Final Fantasy 14 non-voiced cutscenes are produced, down to the angle of the camera above the player model and the semi-canned animations that you will see a hundred times throughout the story. It feels uncanny, especially after they stated directly that during development that they specifically abandoned plans for a PS4 version that would ‘not limit the team’s ambitions’. It feels like the scope was crushed down to something they could complete in the 3-4 years they had afforded themselves for development. 

Ultimately, it feels like a game that was built inside a box. I keep seeing all the ways they wanted to produce something grand, but I can feel how shoddy the set the actors are standing on really is. Final Fantasy 16: the off-Broadway production, coming soon to your Playstation Five Home Entertainment Console.

[narrators-journal]

I'm a bad, bad magician

This! Request! Has been in what can be called the writer's equivilent of 'production hell'. I spent so long writing this in chunks due to a mix of family drama, multiple friend dramas going on, and art projects. So if this is janky, I'm very sorry, and I'm so sorry it took so fuckin' long to get out. My life ha been chaos, and on top of that I've been dealing with some mental health shit. But! I tried my best with this, and I hope that it's at least coherent lol. Bc I cannot bring myself to look this thing over a literal fifth time within three days...

Also! There is one last request for this book! But I'm not gonna lie, with the turbulence of my schedule, mental health, and family, I don't know when that will finally come out! So I just hope you enjoy this part, and if you come back to check for that last one, I appreciate it too. Or check out my fanfiction passion project that is gonna be back in the works soon!

Kinktober masterlist: Here

CW: Bondage, master/slave or servant, orgasm denial, I kept it pretty simple for obvious reasons.

With a sigh, Gen Asagiri tossed down his book and looked around at his home. Shockingly modern for a building built after an alien race turned humanity into immortal statues and left their societies to rot and be reclaimed by overgrowth. Yet, despite the fact he’d gone from living in an apartment with little more than a plant and an agent to keep him company, the mentalist still sat alone in his living room. Reading a smut novella since Senku had revoked the television set for parts.

Letting off another sigh, the mentalist tossed his novella aside to stand up. And, without a real plan on what else to do beyond the books, he meandered around his and Senku’s home for a bit. First, to the kitchen to look through the ingredients and experiments kept in their chest freezer, then down the hall towards the bedroom. Yet, he paused when his ear caught the tell-tale sound of his beloved scientist lost in his technical terminology and complex plans. Not an unfamiliar sound at all, as Senku was almost stubbornly prone to rambling about his sciences, but it still planted a mischevious voice in Gen’s head.

Feeling an equally mischevious grin spread across his face as he crept along to the room Senku had made into his partial office and lab. Following the sound of the leek-haired man’s chattering until he pushed the office door open. And, sure enough, Senku sat at the heavy, intricately carved wooden desk with a phone to his ear, and a mat of paperwork and notes in front of him, barely glancing up when Gen slipped into the room.

Lingering by the door, the magician watched him work for a lengthy moment before meandering over to the desk as casually as he could to lean on it and tilt his head. Batting his dark lashes cutely at his partner and giving him a pleading look that Senku, expectedly, missed in favor of scrawling doodles onto his paper and listening to his call partner.

So, huffing at the leek’s cold airs, Gen moved around the desk to lean against the desk, this time a mere step away from his partner, who continued to almost play ignorant to his presence. You’re such an ass.

With that, Gen gave up on his subtle game and simply dropped to his knees to crawl under the desk. Situating himself between Senku’s legs and running the tips of his fingers up along the seam of the scientist’s crotch to finally get a noticeable reaction from the man. But, the magician didn’t stop there, he pressed on. Sliding his fingers back up Senku’s crotch to tug down his zipper.

When he felt those intellegent rubies on him, Gen looked up to meet Senku’s dirty look. His phone partner left hanging as he hissed, “What the hell are you doing, Asagiri?” But his only response was the way the dual-tone-haired man pressed his lips to the shallow tent in in his boxers. Running the palms of his hands over Senku’s thighs and the tips of his fingers along the waistband of the scientist’s underwear. Ignoring his low growl of frustration as he freed his lover’s slowly stiffening member, glancing back up at him with a devious twinkle in his blue eyes. Both aware of Gen’s smugness, and how unsavory Senku’s options were. Abruptly end his work call to punish the bratty mentalist, or try to power through regardless of his antics.

He chose the latter.

So, Gen happily continued his game. Leaving a warm trail of kisses up the scientist’s shaft, lapping at the head of his cock, and relishing each twitch or choked word the leek-haired man let slip as he talked. Especially when the man slipped his length into his mouth. Letting more and more of Senku slip past his lips bit by bit until Gen was about halfway down. Once there, the mentalist began bobbing his head slowly. Taking his time to swirl his tongue around his lover’s cock, and give specific attention to the head until he twitched against his tongue.

And, while most partners would be dissapointed in their lovers reaching their orgasm so soon, Gen found a bit of pride in seeing how, even though Senku was doing everything in his power to ignore him and stay on track with his science talk, the mentalist could still rile the man up in record time. It was thrilling, and empowering, and so many other things that Gen couldn’t quite place as he kept his focus on his lewd movements.

So, he put the thinking aside and simply continued his movements. Taking his time to lavish Senku with attention, but he also took some time to pick up his pace to draw out more twitches, jolts, or rogue noises from the scientist before a warm burst of thick, salty liquid down his throat. Not that Gen minded, happily drinking down the scientist’s cum before pulling away and smiling. Going ahead and standing up to lean back against the desk to watch Senku rush to babble out a farewell and hang up his call.

And, as soon as the odd-haired man hung up his call, he was quick to stand up and slam his hands on either side of the desk behind the man. All the while those ruby eyes pinned Gen in place like a preserved butterfly to be studied with a chilly calculation. “Asagiri.” He said again, his words matching the icy calculation the dual-tone-haired man saw in his expression. And while a small part of him didfeel bad for possibly being a thorn to his lover, a far bigger part of him was ready to melt against that intricately-carved, sturdy desk. “Yes, senku?~” He hummed, his voice dipped in his best sickly innocence, but after all of their time together, Senku saw right through it. “Is there maybe a reason you interrupted such an important call like that?” He asked, the dark, villainous edge in his low voice sending a pleased shiver down Gen’s back.

And, despite Senku seeing through his ploys, the magician threw his arms around the scientist’s neck with a dramatic, “I’m boooooooreeed, Senku! Entertain me, somehow! Since you took my damned television.” His words whiney and playfully pouty as he draped himself against the scientist’s chest and gave him his best puppy-dog eyes. His own blue eyes watching the steps of thought his boyfriend went through before a glint of his own evil ignited in those depths.

”You want me to entertain you?” He asked, as if he didn’t trust the mentalist, even when he nodded eagerly. That glint having grown into an ember that Gen felt in his own belly as Senku continued with a smirk. “Fine. But if you want to be entertained, I need you to fetch some rope.”

Rope. Such a simple request, but it was still enough to make the man gasp with quiet excitement.

Rope was always a good sign, in Gen Asagiri’s books. A promise, of sorts, that he’d be victim to some delicious, torturous game. Prey to the whims of whatever his dear ‘Master’ deemed good enough that night. Or, in simple words, it was never a boring time when Senku brought up rope. “Well? What are you waiting for?” The leek-looking man sniffed, giving a sharp gesture and a firmer order, “Go get me rope.” Stepping into his usual role so easily that Gen coudn’t help but do the same. “Yes, Master.”

With that, the magician was swift to fetch the length of rope they sometimes used for their little games. The simple feeling of the scratchy, gently frayed material in his hand making Gen’s dick twitch in his pants. Yet, he simply took a deep breath and swallowed down the lewd urges bubbling back up in his mind. Breathe, Asagiri. If you’re caught touching yourself over the rope, Senku might get EXTRA creative with his plots. You’ve pushed the boundary enough tonight.He reminded himself, letting out the breath he’d been holding slowly. Then, he took the rope back to Senku.

Finding the leek sitting back at his desk, casually looking over some complex equations with barely a disinterested glance to the magician when he walked back in. “Put the rope down, take your clothes off, and put your hands behind your back.” He said simply. And, while he strictly kept his crimson eyes glued to his papers, Gen still felt his heart race as he dropped the rope to shed his shirt in a calculated, slow movement. Not taking long enough to get scolded, but just sensually enough to channel a seductive strip tease into the way he let his clothing fall to the office floor before obediently putting his hands behind his back.

All the while, his winter-y blue eyes watched Senku take his sweet time in putting his papers down and getting up from his chair to approach. Letting nothing show in his movements as he picked up the rope and began decorating Gen’s skin with a network of bondage.

Only once the mentalist’s wrists had been securely restrained in scratchy rope was he pulled over to Senku’s desk. Watching in silent anticipation as his science-obsessed lover discarded his own pants and sat down. His already-slightly-stiffened cock on display while he dug around in the messy, paper-filled drawers for a small jar of lube he kept in his office. Gen watching with desire warming his blood for the excruciatingly long heartbeats Senku took to lube himself up with slow strokes.

Once he was fully erect, and Gen was fidgeting in his restraints, the scientist finally pulled him over and spun him around. Dragging the magician down on his erection by his tied up wrists. The slow sensation of being full flooding Gen’s head with a thrilling rush of excitement that drew out a low moan as soon as Senku’s entire length was buried in him.

Only for that bliss to be fed when his lover slid a hand around him and wrapped his fingers around the magician’s member. Running his thumb over the head, then sliding down his length entirely. But, again, at a painfully slow pace that stirred up fresh fireworks in the dual-tone-haired man’s belly. Only for that simmering warmth to be interrupted before Gen could build up anything close to his orgasm. Senku’s hand retreating once again in favor of him growling in his ear, “Now, I’m going to return to my calls. Youwill sit there. And If you move, or make a fucking sound, I will keep you blueballed for literal fucking days.” unmistakably feeling the mentalist shudder around his cock as he spoke. Especially when he added, “Am I clear?”

And, without hesitation, the bound man nodded eagerly. His only words an obedient breath of, “Yes, Master.” That seemed to please his lover. Yet, that was the end of the chit-chat between the two. Senku simply returned to making his calls and discussing his precious time machine. So, Gen was left to sit there mutely.

All the while, Senku babbled on about some scientific stuff that, of course, slid in one of Gen’s ears and right out of the other, but just the sound of his voice, and the way his inhales pressed his chest to the magician’s back sent shivers down the dual-haired man’s spine. Even if he wasn’t allowed to move, the subtle twitches of the scientist’s cock in his ass and movements of his body fanned the flames well enough.

Yet, he bit back the urge to whine for a crumb of attention, or squirm in the constricting embrace of the tight ropes the lover had used to so meticulously bind his skillful hands behind his back. Even if some more severe punishment would be all the more fun, he was told to simply sit still on the scientist’s cock until his work call was finally finished.

I really did not time this well. The man thought, his mouth twisted into more creative shapes as he half listened to Senku talk about molecules and chemical reactions for his time machine. If I’d sucked his dick further in the call, I wouldn’t be waiting this long. Yet, he had, so fittingly, this was his punishment.

Though, before the magician’s mind could wander into the recesses of fantasies and maybe a bit of sleep, Senku’s hand slid around to wrap around to his neglected erection. The simple warmth of skin-to-skin contact enough to send a shiver back through Gen’s body and bring him back to the moment entirely. So when the scientist began to slowly stroke his length, a moan nearly bubbled out of the tied man’s mouth. But, he swallowed it back down and settled for simply arching his back while his head lolled back to lay against Senku’s shoulder. The movement a firm reminder of the scientist’s member still buried in Gen’s ass like a forbidden apple, begging to be eaten. Or, in this case, ridden.

Yet, Senku’s earlier words rattled through his head still. “If you move, or make a fucking sound, I will keep you blueballed for literal fucking days.” A dangerous promise that grew more and more likely with each slow stroke of Senku’s hand along his length without missing a beat on his call. His earlier lack of composure seemingly forgotten and corrected. Or, maybe the fact Senku was the one in control this time gave him more composure. Just move. Just wiggle your hips a little bit. A dark voice in the magician’s mind encouraged, but another reminded, If I do that, I won’t get off at all. Senku’s mean enough to follow through on that cruel warning.

Gen let out a small, quiet breath as he laid back against Senku and let the crimson-eyed scientist continue to stoke the flames in his twitching belly. Slowly building that licentious fire bit by bit, log by bitterly slow log. Stewing the magician in a broiling pot of impatience, excitement, and desperate lust as if to tempt Gen to fight the bite of the ropes against his skin.

All the while that Gen Asagiri was fighting the encroaching urges slithering around beneath his skin, the scientist who’s lap he sat in simply kept rambling about his stupid time machine. Working Gen’s cock like it was little more than a lazy doodle in his chemistry textbook while he listened to his college professor. It was torture. Stomach-twisting, breath-stealing, pleasurable torture. Yet, the only acknowledgment of his dick being buried in the magician’s guts, twitching and throbbing, was a husky whisper of, “Remember what I warned you about.” in the split-haired man’s ear when a small whine slipped through the cracks of his lover’s defenses. Offered when Gen’s hands began to fidget against the coarse texture of the rope and his breathing got uneven. Each hissed word earning another addictive shiver around his cock. But, it wasn’t until Gen heard a deliciously thrilling, “Alright, I should get to bed before dawn breaks. Good night, Xeno, thanks for the lecture.”

Maybe the magician hadn’t timed himself too badly.

[mydemonsdrivealimo]

being the other's blanket

telling each other about their days in soft voices while cuddling

cuddles without doing anything else even though they have a bunch of things to do

THANK YOU

being the others blanket

no bc they do this all the time. bryce is a weighted blanket FREAK so if he doesn't have it jensen is his next best replacement

first time was during book 3. jensen was over to hang and get a little escape from the roomies. it was a couple months before boards so bryce helped him study a little but studying quickly became video games

bryce was sprawled across the couch w his legs on jensens lap and jensen got up to clean up the dishes and bryce just. didn't move

jensen came back and was like uh. im gonna squish you

bryces response was "not like you haven't been on top of me before." so.

jensen just rolls his eyes and crawls over top of him (w kisses to the neck bc if it's there he's going to do it)

jensen snuggles into him and bryce rubs his back (it's the law i swear) while jensen sits and plays w his hair and his hoodie and anything else there is

they end up talking ab nothing for a while before jensen falls asleep on top of him and then bryce just keeps them there for a while

telling each other ab their days in soft voices while cuddling

as domestic as this could be im more thinking in a crowded kinda space

like donahues during some celebration. they barely know who they're celebrating they just wanted an excuse to drink lol

jensens getting hot and overstimulated so he takes a much needed break outside. goes and sits at one of the far tables that nobodys at and plays on his phone for a little bit to recharge

it doesnt take long for bryce to come find him. he sits down but doesnt say anything but jensen turns his phone off which is enough of a sign that he's up to chat

but bryces throat hurts bc he's been talking all night and maybe sitting quietly for once wouldn't hurt him

he leans over and presses a little kiss to jensens cheek before wrapping his arms around jensens, letting his chin rest on his shoulder w a kiss here and there

jensen runs his hand over bryces arm a few times, leaving goosebumps while he starts talking ab his day at work. it was busy, as always, but he had some fun cases

when he's done talking he gives bryce the smallest forehead kiss which signals it's his turn. they go back and forth until they're ready to go back inside, just sitting on the picnic table bench w bryces arms wrapped around jensen and jensen touching his arms and thigh occasionally

cuddles without doing anything else even though they have a bunch of things to do

immediately reminded me of them moving bryce out of his apartment and into jensens

bryce HATES packing. bane of his existence. so the whole time jensen is like okay it's go time, clearing 3 boxes and hour. bryce has maybe 4 things in one box

bryce strips the bed and ends up flopping down on it for 30 min while jensen is working his ass off in the bathroom clearing out bryces hundreds of products carefully so they don't break

he comes back to bryce doing fuck all and kinda wants to strangle him

he tries to pull bryce out of bed but, as strong as jensen is, bryce catches him off guard and yanks him down

he's all "oh well now that you're here" and jensen is NOT having it

he keeps trying to get up but bryce keeps distracting him w kisses and just. refusing to let him go. so jensen ends up there for like 20 min

after the first 10 he relents and figures that giving in will maybe motivate bryce enough. bryce ends up w jensens arm tucked under his head w his face pressed into his chest. jensens playing w his hair a little while bryce keeps talking and talking ab literally nothing. like as if he can keep jensen from thinking ab the fact that they're getting absolutely nothing done

but yeah they just end up cuddling on the bare mattress for a good half hour while bryce procrastinates and jensen takes a much deserved break

[daisyishedwig]

Hi, since Seblaine week has been delayed and I'm impatient, I'm gonna share a few of my favorite snippets from what I'm writing for it. Under the cut because I don't know how long it will be.

Snippet 1

Kurt and Blaine came to a silent understanding. Blaine wasn't going to stop seeing Sebastian. No matter how hard Kurt tried to convince him, it just wasn't going to happen. 

So they agreed that Kurt would stop trying to intervene and in exchange, he didn't have to pretend to be polite to Sebastian.

Though that wasn't all that much of a change. It had been difficult to tell if Kurt and Sebastian were actually friends or just bitter rivals who put up with each other for Blaine. But their verbal sparring matches certainly took on a new level of viciousness. 

He tried not to make a habit of Sebastian spending the night at his place. But he also didn’t have the courage to step through the entryway of his and Sebastian’s old apartment. He usually only allowed Sebastian to kiss him silly with his back pressed against the front door before he left him for the night. So when they wanted privacy, Blaine’s place it was. 

And on the rare night that Sebastian didn’t leave shortly after the deed was done, he was guaranteed to wake up to him and Kurt bickering in the kitchen the next morning. But Sebastian was sweet in the morning. He was usually in the kitchen cooking Blaine breakfast when Kurt found him, and even as they started fighting, Sebastian would pour Kurt a cup of coffee and hand it to him. Blaine knew Sebastian thought of his fights with Kurt as a game. Blaine was never quite sure if Kurt thought the same. 

Snippet 2

Nick paused and then Sebastian heard the muffled sound of Nick informing his assistant to cancel his lunch meeting. “Okay,” he said, “tell me everything.”

And Sebastian did. He pulled out a bottle of wine from the fridge, uncorked it, sat on his floor, and told Nick all about Blaine.

“Bro definitely thought you were dating,” Nick said when he was done.

“No he didn’t,” Sebastian assured.

“Bassy, Bassy, Bassy, your head is so far up your ass, do you even know what an actual relationship looks like?”

“Of course I do!” he exclaimed.

“Obviously not, because an actual relationship looks like cooking dinner, watching movies, reading in bed, and not having sex every time you see each other. As far as Blaine saw it, you two were in a relationship, and you cheated on him.”

Sebastian took another large swig. He was on his second bottle. “But… what do I have to offer him?”

He could hear Nick laughing on the other end. “Fuck if I know,” he said, “but clearly a lot if he was that invested in you.”

Snippet 3

“Or maybe I just despise you,” Blaine said.

“Oh, Killer, if that were true you wouldn’t have let me stop you from leaving. And you certainly wouldn’t still be here now.”

Blaine swallowed loudly. 

“So, you have two options, Anderson.” Sebastian wrapped an arm around Blaine’s stomach and pulled his back into his chest. “When Beiste comes back for us, we can go our separate ways, and you can continue to pretend you don’t want to fuck me. Or you can follow me, and I’ll make it worth your while.” 

Blaine’s pulse raced and he shuddered in Sebastian’s grasp. It was a bad idea. It was a terrible idea. He’d fuck this all up and ruin his last chance. But Blaine Anderson was never very smart when it came to his own self-preservation.

Snippet 4

But then Sebastian showed up on his doorstep with two tickets to the traveling production of Hadestown and a bouquet of Sunflowers, Blaine’s favorite. Blaine was going to put Nair in Cooper’s shampoo for aiding in these atrocious attempts at flirting.

“No,” Blaine said and started to shut the door, but Sebastian stopped it with a firm hand and shouldered his way in. 

“I mean, if you just want to stay in, I certainly won’t say no,” Sebastian said, wandering over to Blaine’s small kitchen. He started rifling through Blaine’s cupboards, presumably looking for something to put the flowers in.

“I know what you’re doing, Sebastian,” Blaine said, his arms folded over his chest.

“I would sure hope so,” he said, finally locating a vase. He took it to the sink to fill it. “I’ve spent a good amount of money on wooing you, Anderson.”

Blaine huffed. “I don’t care how much money you’ve spent, it’s not going to work.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Oh don’t pretend this isn’t slowly breaking down that wall, Blaine. I know your type, you need to be romanced, so romance you I will.” He gave Blaine a sly grin and a not-so-subtle once-over. “And as much as I love seeing you dressed down in sweats from that prep school you went to, you should really get dressed. We have a reservation at six and then the show at eight.”

“In what world do you think I’m going anywhere with you?” 

“Um, this one, obviously.” Sebastian was arranging the flowers in the vase so they looked just right from where they sat on the counter.

[thisworldisablackhole]

Underneath From the Gut of Gaia

🌕🌕🌕🌕🌑

FFO: DEATH METAL, HARDCORE, BLACKENED GRIND / LISTEN

Underneath are a perplexing band. Starting out as a bedroom deathcore project with multi-instrumentalist and kid genius Joey Philips at the helm, they released a debut EP that could have easily fooled me into thinking they have been around the block for decades. Somehow, despite being super hyped on their EP and subsequent singles, their debut LP From the Gut of Gaia slid completely under my radar for almost three months. I wouldn't usually blame a band for my inability to be hip and in-the-know, but Underneath didn't exactly do themselves any publicity favours with this album either. It was released through an obscure independent tape label based in Canada, and then the band completely wiped their Instagram account only to come back about a month later with a post claiming that the band has undergone some changes, all prior music is "dead in the water" and to be regarded as demos, and that their first official release is yet to come. Strange, but okay.

If From the Gut of Gaia is a demo, then everybody else needs to step up their fucking game immediately. Not only does this album feature some masterful punchy songwriting and a thoughtful, engaging track flow, but it has some seriously pro sounding production to back it all up. Guitars and bass are loud and coated in a layer of filth, while the drums are nice and crisp to offer a sense of precision and clarity to the rhythm section that keeps the dirt from bleeding over the edge of the chalice. Joey's vocals sound straight up demented in their anger, and I really appreciate the tasteful variations in range and delivery on display here. Joey treats us to everything from low, to lower, to even lower, some highs for balance, and then those hilariously disgusting slam gutturals on the aptly titled "Disguster" are just icing on the cake. There are also these quick little back and forth pick scrapes all over this album that sound like the crack of a metallic whip (or a burst fire from a laser gun?) and I absolutely love them, even if they are abused in certain songs. There is a laborious attention to detail here that is honestly impressive for such a young band. They have implemented an easter egg hunt of ear candy so that you always hear something new when you smash the replay button.

Catchy isn't usually the first word that comes to mind when I think of blistering deathcore bands, but the way Underneath jumps from these grinding double kick tremolo assaults into insanely groovy mid tempo death metal riffage just activates the neurons in my dopamine deficient brain in a way that keeps me coming back over and over again to engage in the spiraling pursuit of madness. Nasty riffs and quick left hook transitions are a recipe for instantly memorable and addictive moments. The length of these tracks definitely lend themselves to the replay value of this album as well, with an average length of one to three minutes long. There is no fat on these tracks. They are concise, and nothing gets lost in excess, but that doesn't mean the band doesn't indulge in a little ambiance as a treat when they want to. Mid album interlude "-epoch-", for instance, features some somber reverberated plucking and distorted voice samples that transition nicely into the atmospheric black metal intro of "The Second Great Dying", but it doesn't last long before Underneath comes back to remind you that they are here to beat ass first and foremost.

The mammoth fifteen minute title track closer is the only song where the band fully gives in to the experimental blackened death fantasy and strings the listener along with a series of blast beats and slow atmospheric doom passages. The track is technically only 10 minutes long if you discount the spooky 5 minutes of tape decay and an acapella performance of the Christian hymn "Amazing Grace" that sounds like it was damaged by nuclear waste. This part of the track honestly gives me Fallout Radio vibes and I never feel like skipping it. It's quite a fitting way to go out, as a lot of the lyrics on this album center around the theme of religion and the man made destruction of earth.

Again, if this was just a demo, then this band has a very bright future ahead of them. I have absolutely no doubt that they will continue to top themselves as they evolve and grow into their newly fleshed out lineup. I just hope that future Underneath fans will give From the Gut of Gaia the credit it deserves, as I am inclined to believe this album is more than just a shot in the dark, nor is it dead in the water.

[cloutchaserkineme]

transiting venus in my 3rd house of short-distance travel, communication, and things I am familiar with

Feb. 22, 2024 8:26 PM, at one of my homes in an island somewhere.

Today, I learned the value of connection with others. One of my classmates (who is my happy crush and one out of three roosters that me and my friends are shipping me with in this crush-cockfight competition we have— I'll refer to him as Leghorn from now on) has a girlfriend. This I knew.

What I didn't know was that his girlfriend is also our new Obligations and Contracts professor, after our previous one was suspended for human reasons.

I'm not bitter about it, truly. They're sweet, and I am pre-diabetic. She seems like a professional, competent teacher and lawyer from what little I've seen of her. I don't even know if I like Leghorn beyond a crush - I wouldn't know what to do with him if he was my boyfriend. But they certainly seem to know what to do with each other. I was just surprised that he could get away with the audacity of it all.

The reason is obvious at first glance— he's a guy who is handsome, smart, well-spoken, and charismatic, therefore he is excused with literally having an advantage in our bar subject class because his social value is higher than the social discomfort (faux pas?) that his relationship to our professor would cost him.

But still. I can't help but be incensed.

Maybe I shouldn't? I just got home from a wonderful short trip from work, with just the right amount of socialization and productivity that it made me feel warm and gooey in my chest, and at home with my place in the world.

Though I wouldn't call myself close with my coworkers (our line of work is transitory and ephemeral by nature, we are always coming and going from somewhere) I am getting familiar with them, and putting them a step up from my acquaintances. I might not shake ass in front of them or call them when I have a problem at 3am in the morning, but I will gladly have breakfast and share temporary sleeping quarters with them. Nice folks.

And I got home, and I talked to my fellow teachers (am I still one? Does feeling like an eternal learner count) and measured time by the distances in between our last meetings.

Small world. It's nice and sweet.

I can't fault Leghorn and our professor for holding onto each other when they found themselves, despite the fact that if we weren't in grad school and the roles were reversed it'd be an apple-red flag. Connection is nice and we should hold onto the people we have as long as we have the same values and enjoy each other's company.

I just wish I also had someone else like that. I joke about seducing one of our judge professors, but really, I don't want to get arrested for stealing someone's spouse even if I could (and let's be real, I couldn't).

I rewatched a video of myself today, taken during a 5 minute stop on the somewhat famous beach, sun high on the noon sky. The water looked as though awash with jewels under the surface, turquoise, jade, and emerald underneath a foam lace mantilla.

In the video, my eyes are closed behind my dark transition lenses as I spin in a circle. Children free from the confines of a hot classroom for the duration of the harvest festival, playing games on the warm sand and the icy water. The sun, kissing my face, now behind me, the lines of coconut trees borne from nuts that have been swimming the shores of this earth before my ancestors ever decided to fuck, twisting their trunks to peek curiously at me and my phone, as I spin again on that beach.

I felt so free and loved at that time. Now, mere hours earlier, rewatching it, I see my side profile and undefined jawline, my chin meat flapping like extra lines on a swimming jacket, my glasses floating on a pool of fat and sweaty flesh.

This is not the way to honor things, I know. This is also not the way to end this entry. But I can't help but feel this is connected somehow.

Or maybe I just want to connect disparate points so that these solitary pieces of fact wouldn't be as lonely as I am.

(30) 8:52 PM the same day, the same place.