#this fixation is becoming detrimental to me because i have things i need to do but i'm just drawing their gay asses!

[koddlet]

you're the one holding the knife (cover for my shauna playlist)

[fachefaucheux]

WriteFest! // Days 4-14 + Genre Musings and Inat

So, I’m behind.

As of this morning, I’m at 45k. Which is great! Awesome! That is objectively an asston of words. Probably half a novel, if I was a normal person who wrote normal word count stories. Unfortunately, I’m supposed to be closing in on 75k. So…not great. But seeing as how we’ve all been living through A Hell Of A Time, especially last week, I’m not going to beat myself up over it too much. I’ve only had one day where I skipped writing entirely. (At least in terms of drafting…I did edit a full chapter that day, which is probably why I wrote nothing, because editing is the absolute worst.) And one day off over 2 weeks is…uh, hopefully not our future vision of a leisurely and unproductive pace, lol.

One thing I’ve noticed about myself as a writer is that I’m pretty damn inconsistent. Or, well, not just as a writer, but just on the whole. I’ve never been the kind of person who can stick to a “do something every day at the same time for the same amount of time” scheme. Of course, I have some sort of routine — humans are creatures of habit, we all fall into some kind of pattern. Mine is just very “vibes based”, so to speak. Some days, I’ll fall into the writing zone and barf up 10k worth of nonsense. Other days, I’m feeling the research side of things, or just feel like reading someone else’s work to get a fresh perspective. (I am never vibing with editing. Editing is always torture. But that’s for another post.)

I’ve never been able to follow a rulebook. I am a hopeless contrarian, oftentimes to my own detriment. In Serbia, there’s a sort of…hmm, cultural mindset, maybe? It’s called inat. Sometimes it gets translated as spitefulness, other times as stubbornness or perseverance. 

Your friends, your family, everyone tells you that doing something is a bad idea. But now you want to do it even more than when you asked for their advice, because what do they know? That’s inat. Some judgmental person tells you you’ll never be good at something, so then you throw out everything else in your life and grind at that one thing until you’re objectively skilled, just because that asshole told you you’d never make it. That’s also inat. It’s that “fuck you, I’ll do what I want” spirit, sometimes taken to unhelpful ends.

My Serbian language teacher once asked me why I was keeping my watchband held together with a band-aid instead of going to the shop she’d recommended to get a replacement, and I shrugged and said, “well, you know, I’ve been busy lately.” She smiled and shook her finger at me and said, “I see, you’re becoming a real Serbian now. Soon you’ll be skipping your lessons and telling me “the only thing I have to do in life is die!”

To be frank, she called my bluff pretty well. And maybe that’s why I didn’t have too many problems adjusting during my year in Belgrade. Because I’d been following inat long before I acquired my weird fixation on the Balkans.

This leads me to the genre problem.

I’ve always come at genre from the perspective that it exists more for the reader than the writer — a way of lumping together vaguely similar story elements and types so that readers can find the kinds of books they want to read. And I’m well aware of its connection to marketing, as much as I despise marketing with every fiber of my being. You drill down to the exact core of readers who you want to enjoy your book, you write for them, then you sell it to them. Or something. Like I said, I hate marketing, so I haven’t invested much time into it. (Probably because someone once told me it was important, and I was like, fuck you! I’ll ignore it. Inat in action.)

I wandered into both Canticle and the Niv/Yule story arc (which I really need to find a proper title for, instead of just shamelessly stealing a bunch of song titles and lyrics…) not from the perspective of “I want to write x genre of story”, but more from the perspective of “these two idiots would make for a fun couple, I wonder how they get from point A to point B?”. Most of the other elements — magic, angels/demons, whatever my passing historical fixation was at the time — came along for the ride because I just thought they were neat and fun. Which makes for an interesting story (or so I’ve been told), but not one that fits into the best genre boxes.

Take Canticle, for example. It’s really in some sort of genre black hole. There’s not enough historical immersion for it to be a true historical story, but at the same time, historical circumstance (the aftermath of the English Civil War, Louis XIV’s court, modernizing Europe) plays a big role in the themes and attitudes in it. It’s got some of the elements of your usual epic fantasy — empires and kingdoms and armies and the world in peril — but, uh, it’s not very action-forward, seeing as how most of what the reader sees are not the battles themselves but the aftermath in the infirmary. 

Even when it comes to romance, it’s not quite there. I’ve always thought of it as a romance at its core, because my only driving force when I first started drafting it was answering the question of “how did Gen and Mirk get together?”, but it doesn’t really follow the standard romance plot beats. The uncomfortable position I usually find myself in when discussing the story with other writers or workshopping chapters is that it doesn’t have enough romance for the romantasy readers/writers, and not enough fantasy action/too much relationship nonsense for the general fantasy readers/writers.

So, what am I supposed to do with it when it does come time to do the dreaded marketing? Or the even more dreaded editing? I suppose I could cut and edit to make it fit neater into one or two specific genre boxes, but, well. I feel that would kill the spirit of the story that the small band of readers (for whom I am eternally grateful) seems to find appealing. At the end of the day, I’m probably going to bank more on trope-based tagging and advertising guiding the sort of readers who’d appreciate it to the story. (Also, inat. You want me to make this fit into your genre requirements? Fuck you! I do what I want! Even if it means no one reads the damn thing!)

It’s hard for me to identify the genre of the story, but the dynamics are clear. The slow burn, it is glacial. The grumpy x sunshine is on point. And hurt/comfort? You want that? Canticle has it for…uh…centuries, lol. And, to be honest, I tend to look for dynamics/tropes in the books I read more than I do genre. I’ll read a contemporary or a sci-fi or a western, anything to get another dose of that black cat x golden retriever dynamic that I find so appealing (and can’t seem to keep out of anything I write). 

Anyway, enough blathering! And back to chipping away at my word count deficit! Since, you know, speaking of black cat x golden retriever…I’ve got another chapter of Mushroom Picking Season to write. 

[sunset-bridge]

gorbo thoughts part .. 3?

goro thoughts update. id like to ramble again

ok i think he might not have ocd actually! i mean he could but like...i dont think theres too many signs. so yes id like to. recall that. i think that was just me projecting LMAO.. its ok! i love learning more about my favorite guy. you know what he does have

i stand by the ocpd. (obsessive compulsive personality disorder, its a completely different thing from OCD. its a personality disorder) also Definetely ctpsd (complex ptsd)...... ! i was talking with someone and they brought it up and i was like. WOAG.. after reading about it

disclaimer: i only talk about these because i have them LOL.. im sure gorbo has a cute soup of Other problems but like. i cant really talk about those well... i find these two really interesting though.

see. ocpd, is like the perfectionist control freak disorder. its what people Think ocd is lol. BUT as a personality disorder, its so much more than that. people with ocpd also:

-you tend to have a black and white moral code

-your way is the only right way.

-you like to do things alone because no one else could do them right; this may cause relationship problems and you may come across as a fucking cunt ( i know this..)

difficulty compromising and accepting any critisicim of your actions or opinions.

excessive devotion to work and productivity

sosososo afraid of failure even if its kinda small. you feel it will ruin your image forever and ever. if i make a mistake put me to death please.

Frequently become overly fixated on a single idea, task or belief. even to detriment of . everything else in your life...

yeah...

me and some friends definetely see some of these in goro! ofc im so happy to hear what you guys think, i dont mind changing my views at all (like with the ocd thing i changed opinion about!)

like.. hes super fixated on his revenge plan, its the Only thing he cares about and everything is fair game if it allows him to advance that. leave him alone, its no one elses problem. he knows what hes doing. he has to be right about his values and beliefs. he has to. or else whats the point. dont tell him hes wrong. what do you mean? you dont know anything about him. he cant fail, he cant make mistakes, he has to work hard so everyone sees him exactly as he wants to and as someone valuable.

and. cptsd. as the name suggests its. a form of ptsd but..it has the Special Added features of:

-sometimes cant control emotions well

-you feel angry distrustful and resentful at the world in general

you feel worthless, empty or forever damaged by an event. like if you were stained with dirt forever.

you feel isolated. like no one could ever even understand what you went through (not in like an. edgy kid way. like fr. you feel even if you explained to people. they wouldnt understand you and your feelings. or theyd judge you and further hurt you...)

avoiding friendships and relationships, or finding them very difficult (!!)

escapism or depersonalisation...dissociative behaviors .

yeah.. ! yeah. i think these ring quite some bells huh..! its really shitty! you feel like no one would get it, like no one would like you, like you are ruined forever and theres not much to do about it.

makes sense that goro would absorb himself in his plan. after all. he felt he was some sort of curse upon his mom; as if he was the one responsible for ruining her life.. but hed like to "redeem" himself with the revenge plan. he has to, even if its difficult to go on. i wonder if he planned to do anything if he achieved his plan? i dont think so. its a bit sad but.. he didnt really seem to plan doing. or living much more after. its like his whole life he convinced himself his only use would be as the vehicle to enact a revenge years in the making, and thats it.

as if he wasnt a person. just a tool to revenge. i think this is why its so difficult, frustrating and downright distressing to him to accept he too, has feelings and wants and needs like any Normal Person on planet earth. no way. those just interfere with the plan. and he has no right anyways.

i thought how id feel, in his shoes and with all my cute soup of wrong stuff, if some guy showed up, hes the guy i gotta kill. ok. then hes nice with me, as if mocking me. hes better at me in most things. he has friends and family and everyone likes him and he barely moves a finger. while i had to work so damn hard to even get acknowledged?? what does he have that i do not. hes nothing special. so why? then this guy acts like a fool even when hes so extraordinary in every aspect... does he think its funny? for someone so special to pretend to be ordinary. when id kill to be just half as special as him. honestly.. id become super frustrated with this bastard too. his presence would infuriate me. and the most frustrating thing, would be that this guy seems to be the only guy that seems to like hanging out with me. what the hell. guess he enjoys trying to humor me..

man...

[peppertaemint]

I have a big Ask about becoming drained by the kpop life (Anon added a lol, btw). I thought I would put excerpts here and respond. The Anon is aiming this at all fandoms.

there seems to be this constant wave of complaints, entitlement and overreacting to every damn thing. Either it's a conspiracy and the company their fave group works at is trying to sabotage their faves or complaining that the company is over working their faves not taking into consideration what that artist is capable of being able to handle or discussions they may have had with their agency, overreacting that their fave isn't being treated equally, counting how many lines their fave gets, how much camera time, if their fave is sick or hurts their ankle, back, finger, leg, hand, arm, it's catastrophic and they act like it's RIP city and people are crying and talking about how scared they are, if two members get along and like to spend a lot of time together then that automatically means they're crushing on each other or in s secret relationship.

And:

The misogynists, the homophobics, the akgaes, the sexists, the ageists, the constant mobbing at the airports, the having fits about their faves dating or getting married and still plotting shit against those who dare live their lives just like everybody else on the planet deserves to do. All of it, I just don't want to see it. And as much as I have muted and unfollowed and blocked, the shit still gets through. I want to stay up to date on what my favorites are doing but I don't want to see the stupid shit. Those of you who have managed to not be exposed, mad props, but it hasn't worked for me. I need some advice because I am worn out by fans, not the kpop groups themselves

First, I don't believe the people who I see commenting and Ask-ing etc who say "wow I don't get how you see all this stuff wow I never see it." These people are either liars who want to make you feel crazy (gaslighters, lol) or they're only going on Tumblr and just got here so they haven't seen it yet. YET.

All fandom experiences have pieces of what you describe Anon, but it's Kpop fandoms that are the most extreme. And this is because it's driven by teens and mostly young girls. As much as people want to be the exception to the rule, the majority of people in these fandoms are still kids (up to 25 yrs old). Beyond kids, you have a lot of people of different ages with unhealthy fixations. I mean, how many "army" have you met who say their only happiness is BTS? I don't at all judge those people, but we have to be honest in saying that's not in the realm of healthy mindsets. When you put your happiness in people you don't know, that's a huge gamble.

A lot of people are fixated with online fandom community because they're filling in a void in their life; it can be a hobby (probably reasonably healthy) or it can be the person's reason to keep going. That's why you see such extreme reactions. When you're 12, everything is the end of the world. When your entire life is Baekhyun, his sore throat is gonna be the height of anxiety to you. Again, I'm not judging this; different strokes for different folks.

So what advice can I give you? Perhaps just to understand why it's happening and take breaks from it when it's not adding to your life. I mute people a lot. Basically, I put them in time-out. Even on DM too (oops secret's out!). If someone is crying about something I find infantalizing and a detriment to my life, I close it off and move on; I come back when/if I have time for that. I tend to unmute people when I can't remember what they did that was annoying. It works well. I can always re-mute. And this saves the block drama.

The easiest fix tho? Close Twitter, Tumblr, IG, etc and do something different. Watch a movie. Go out with friends. Or, watch a concert to remind you why you're really here. My "fangirling" is mostly in private, where I get to watch Taemin and SHINee concerts whenever I feel like it, by myself or with family and friends, and the only person whose opinion matters in mine.

Recently I watched SHINee World IV with my mom. She adored Jonghyun. Just gotta say that. ;)

[atqh16]

Gonna preface this by saying I’m not autistic so if I’m wrong please feel free to correct me. With that said

I think there’s some legitimacy in the idea that Sai is possibly on the autism spectrum. He tends to take things very literally. Has trouble with interpreting human emotions to a point where he needs to actually study it. He also finds it difficult to emote himself. He can be very blunt with his words and comments and doesn’t seem to realize when he’s hurt other peoples feelings unless he’d done it with the aim to do so. But even then he consistently sticks to the same insults and teasings over and over (eg: him making fun of Naruto’s dick)

His jutsu style is very unique to his own compared to other Shinobis except for the ones born with a specific kekkei genkai. It could be interpreted as a fixation or special interest of his hence why he can implement it as part of his jutsu style so well

Of course you can say this was all caused by his time with root but compare him to someone like Yamato, who’d also been in root for far longer than sai, but doesn’t have issues with reading social cues or communicating himself the way Sai does.

I also like the idea because it adds some layers and complexities to his character. Especially since none of these things stop him from improving as a person and learning new things. Being who he is isn’t a detriment. It’s just a part of who he is. It doesn’t stop him from learning to become a good friend. To move away from the brainwashing he’d been subjected to under Danzo so he could develop his own identity and beliefs.

What I like about his friendship with Naruto is that Naruto never avoids him (except for their initial meeting which is fair since he saw Sai as trying to take Sasuke’s place). Naruto doesn’t shy away from him. When Sai admits to not understanding Narutos goals, he doesn’t brush the guy off. He takes time to explain. Like always, he allows himself to be vulnerable in a way Sai was taught not to be. In later chapters he’s also shown to trust Sai completely and is able to communicate with him in a fight without words (eg: in their fight against Karui and Omo). Naruto (similar to how he makes friends in general) does not shut Sai out and that’s significant. There’s a reason why Sai is protective and devoted to Naruto’s ideals the same way Gaara or Shikamaru is.

Which is why I hate it when I read fics where he’s depicted as just an apathetic, creep. Sai deserves so much better.

[tiodolma]

Do you think it'd be hilarious if season 3 Merlin and Morgana are cursed (you can imagine whatever)? And both are rude to the caster because they'll like to be back to normal like yesterday, so the caster lies and tells them they have to sleep together to break the curse? 🤣😂

That’s all I want. Trap those two powerful virgins in a situationship they can’t escape (and also resolve that S3 UST) lmaooo.

Also wasn’t S3 the season where they touched each other the most 😂😂

How abt this... like u know how kingdoms always arrange political marriages and stuff right to become stronger allies, right? What if the caster is also a magical radical who want the magic world "to be great again”? Smh somehow they have an idea of both mergana’s respective prophecies and also somehow they know each’s true identity. The caster’s agenda is to get those two bonded by whatever means necessary coz what better way to unite the magicfolk other than the two most powerful entities working together???

So they find a way to infilitrate castle camelot in s3. They befriend merlin (coz merlin is just that kinda guy) and also morgana (coz shes alone and needs allies). Then caster somehow actually really binds them together without both of them knowing 🤣. Basically the effect of the spell makes them drawn towards each other. S3 is a hella complicated time for both of them so their feelings are like amplified and their needs to get their hands on each other become more intense. Caster always scries on them from their water bowl and is like "yesss.... yesssss, just according to plan muahahahah soon the magic world will be great again!”

After a while Merlin suspects that love magic has been administered to him and he deduces it was done by morgana (see he’s obsessed with her and cant really be bothered to suspect anyone else lolol). So he asks Gaius for a solution. Gaius would be all scientific method about it. Kilgharrah gives even worse advice... the usual "that’s easy, just kill her and finish the job” which makes merlin roll his eyes.

Morgana and Morgause share a braincell so they dont consider Morgana’s increased fixation on Merlin as a detriment but a bonus. Her increased hyperawareness of Merlin makes her for a better spy. Morgause also wants her sister to start seductress training since yesterday and what better victim to practice on other than merlin?

Anyway caster is getting bored with their still UST so they send a mysterious message to Melrin that basically says "you have been cursed. you gotta have sex with the lady Morgana in order to fulfill your destiny.” Merlin interprets that as the solution to break the curse (and finally defeat the evil that is morgana lmao).

Merlin, honest powerful idiot that he is (and also hella embarrassed and dont wanna consult his bosses abt intimate matters) actually corners Morgana somewhere and is like "listen you and I have been cursed and the solution is to have sex with each other” and morgana is like "awe i didnt know u had the hots for me.” They’re gonna banter and be all sexy abt it because Morgana wont believe a word Merlin says and Merlin is serious and paranoid af and the spell just keeps getting stronger the nearer they are to each other lololol. (sparks fly, they cant stop touching each other, they smell really good wth?, isnt merlin's cheekbones prettier than usual?, morgana's so soff to touch dear lord... yknow things they already know and think abt each other but more.)

When everything gets too much (and morgana finally believes merlin’s statement that theyre cursed) they get one secret night together in the Isle of the Blessed asjjsgshsjskl (feelings, atrraction, desires of youth spring to life, morgs find out abt his magic coz the sex was magnificent/spiritual and hella magical) and when the deed is done the caster’s spell is complete and they’re basically married 😂

CASTER: FROM THIS POINT FORTH LORD EMRYS AND THE LADY MORGANA ARE JOINED TOGETHER AS ONE. MAGIC WILL BE GREAT AGAIN. THE BALANCE OF THE WORLD IS RESTORED.

Merlin and Morgana are like, "whut" (but tbf they seem to be more stronger together)

It all comes down to "we just both wanted the same thing gdi.”

Morgause still sees this as bonus bec ofc she does lmao

Cue kilgharrah sensing a disturbance in the force and be like "OH SHT. MY PLANS”

[juszar2]

Document you... But privately.

Reviewing my life, so strange that the thing that was most prevalent in my life is exactly what I saw blow up in my life. To be a woman that for life I avoided certain types of folks. Really I am very guarded in life so almost all. So polite and what do you need, as long as it isn't me, I can help ya. That is sorta my philosophy, I can help ya but I cannot give you... Me. So careful who I let get near my life just to avoid issues after seeing that I am received in a different way that makes folks get obsessive to the point where they go to extremes to invade or otherwise impede me. Scorn is huge because for some, indicative rot, you are not allowed to be guarded nor careful in life. They would attempt to disallow, and so I had to insist in severe ways sometimes. So strange that the yuck, that I fully avoided by not frequenting any clubs or really anywhere they might dwell.. Though wasn't my interest anyway, but those are the ones that would become fixated. I'd always have to survey the population and when I'd encounter one somewhat like me in spirit, dignity and love, with reserved private demeanor yet able to be so free, hysterical, and fun loving when in the presence of the same, it was so appreciated and so coveted that I would just thank God for that person. Clean treachery free gross free comradery and it is like heaven. Sadly, often this was found in those who didn't look like me. What is also true is that the rot, would be so severe about me. The ones who speak the latest lingo, and look and sound just liked carbon copy of the most common of low. Style, interests, all of it was not for me, ever and they knew it. I'd attempt to be as kind as possible but I knew and they'd get severe with obsession about my attributes, and yet, would always want to emulate just as they seek to diminish me. So shocking that this is what is still going on today and the same exact ones even. I had no intent to want to remain in this city or state, and many said I should not have. That my uniqueness needed a better outlet and geographical area to flourish. But a male coveted me, and I being the compassionate cancer, I reciprocate. I thought I was looking at what is me. I was wrong. The rot that did the constant critique, undignified discourse, desperately trying to compare and feigning positivity when their actions for life relay the exact opposite. Sowing division is the intent for life, desperately attempting to reduce- like vermin and the most insidious insects becoming immune to pesticides, that rot persists into adulthood and almost geriatric. I failed. Being a person constantly sought, I failed and let weakness near me unbeknownst to me. My normal find out that I've encountered a rot and usual steps to remove it from my life never to see it again is effortless normally. But finding that a person tied to what I made the purpose of my life is actually weak, detrimental and without standard is such a huge fail that it is unfathomable. That he belongs in the category of those I'd never want in my life is really shocking. You are one of those? The treacherous gross no dignity? Shocking. I am not that species and yuck to have it following my life. I detest the most and am not responsible for any response to such. For me, you and what you stand for is vile and it's what I've stood up to for my whole life. Shocking to see a male coward turn out to be such and be the way that they so desperately have been able to get info and into my life. He was never anything like me, could not be... It's an oxymoron.

[maxwellchi]

Academic Obsession: Advantages and Disadvantages

April 27, 2023 | by: Argel Yuna C. Diaz

Our future is somewhat dependent on our grades. Grades are typically what they'll consider when obtaining a scholarship from a desired school or being accepted into their dream jobs. It goes without saying that they are quite helpful as a way of obtaining a desired goal, therefore getting a higher grade is very beneficial. Some students focus too much on this idea in order to achieve the grades they desire because they perceive that in order to receive high grades, they must do well or extremely well in their academic performance. I am the kind of student who strives to get the best grades possible.

I wasn't a student who often focused on schoolwork, but I want to do everything in my capacity to get a high mark for my beloved mother. Thomas (2011) noted that financial worry, the need for academic recognition, parental attention, and internal pressure were the predictor variables within the research on student grade obsession. When my mother is happy with my grades, I am thrilled, which motivated me to work hard to raise better. Growing up, I also realized how important getting extremely high grades was, so I kept working extra hard to get them. I became so preoccupied with wanting to get outstanding and better results that I was oblivious to my fixation with it.

Obsessing over your studies may have benefits. You can receive good grades, which means you can pursue your chosen dream and spend your time and attention on it. However, these benefits may also be unhealthy. There have been times when I've gotten disappointed if I received a passing mark with a few minor errors because I want everything to be perfect. When I have nothing to do, there are times when I check my marks and feel dissatisfied. I additionally contemplate how poorly I performed in my previous academic endeavors. Being excessively focused on your studies has a lot of disadvantages as well.

It can be harmful to rely solely on students' grades as a measurement of success. I concentrated on this as a value rather than utilizing the advantages of getting good grades as motivation. I developed a strong fixation on my accomplishments and my comparisons to others, which made me feel less confident. If you focused solely on your grades, there are many more difficulties, but it largely harms your emotional and physical health. I became anxious and lost sight of why I was attending school, but thankfully I had my mother to talk to.

It took me some time to quit stressing over my academics; even now, I still struggle with it, but I just have to keep reminding myself that it's detrimental to my health. Stop and take a break if you feel anxious because you're excessively worrying about your grades. Be happy with your accomplishments of obtaining what you can and want. We should always keep in mind that we are more than simply our marks. If you ever feel stressed out over your grades, get in the habit of looking away from them and just unwind. Find an approach to improve it without spending too much time or jeopardizing your well-being rather than dwelling and hating what you've got instead.

An academic obsession develops when a student seeks attention, feels under pressure, or has any other personal motivations. It might be beneficial in certain ways, but it's really bad for one's health. It alters how pupils learn; they now more often memorize material than comprehend it. If you become aware of how critical of yourself is when it comes to your grades, try to communicate and be open with others. It might take some time since it's difficult to discuss this with other people and it's difficult to try to form a new habit, but the most crucial thing to you is the little steps and progress you make constantly.

References:

Thomas, J. (2011). Factors Relating to Student Grade Obsession: A Quantitative Correlational Study. Retrieved April 27, 2023, from https://eric.ed.gov/?id=ED534698

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

Okay, next part:

I befuckened my entire Pokémon universe when I made Scarlett be Zoe’s daughter because it was funny but many people on this website say that cringe culture is dead and I think I need to simply accept that no Pokémon game will ever imprint itself on my psyche the way that Black/White did, and if I want to keep tying Zoe into my canon with the new games going forward, that is my right.

The entire thought that caused this was “hey, could Zoe have met Sada way before the events of Scarlet? Like, during Sada's initial Area Zero exploration?”

The answer is yes. If I go with “20 years before Scarlet” as the Area Zero exploration, then that puts me two years after Black 2, one year before Sun. Zoe is nineteen and has been neck-deep in studying history and legends since That Shit with Team Plasma happened. She spends a year or two in Kalos, helping Professor Sycamore; both Professors Juniper know her; whenever word gets out through the Regional Professors Group Chat about a new team heading into Area Zero to do research, they recommend Zoe as a team member - really just in a guard role, since Area Zero's wild Pokemon (even before Sada starts bringing in the Paradoxes) are worrying.

Anyway Zoe spends a couple months with the team, does not get attacked by anything interesting, and then moves on when it's determined that Area Zero is ""safe enough"" for Sada to do some more long-term research. Zoe probably does not get to know either Sada or Clavell very well, but she does know them; twenty years later, she and Clavell recognize each other when he brings over a starter Pokemon for Scarlett.

The entire reason why I want Zoe to have met Sada at any point is because sometime last week I was being So Normal with the amount of thoughts I have about Zoe, tying to Scarlett and Arven and Sada’s obsession with the past. Sada’s interest is prehistory, ancient Pokémon from millions of years ago; Zoe’s interest is the age of legends and the legendary Pokémon from a few thousand years ago. But Zoe is permanently anchored to the past by her bond with Reshiram and its significance to Unova’s history. Zoe’s own interest in the past and in ancient things is because she’s trying to use that knowledge of the past to help herself figure out her place in the present; Sada’s obsession with the past ends up with her trying to create a sanctuary in it. Sada's fixation on the past becomes a detriment to her living in the present; Zoe eventually figures out how to carry the past with her here in the present.

And they don't need to meet, because the parallel is more about their kids, Arven and Scarlett, but I just want them to meet. It's fun. And also, Zoe having spent some time in Paldea at some point gives another reason for her to eventually move back there, besides Scarlett wanting to attend Naranja Academy.

The only problem with this timeline of things is that Zoe and Sada meet before Arven is ever born, and early on when I was thinking through this I pictured, when asked by her friends about the people she's working with, Zoe describing Sada as "idk kind of a milf", but that joke is the least important part of any of this, so I can live with losing it.

Trying to determine some stuff for my Pokemon universe timeline, in order to draft some character thoughts. Scarlet/Violet game spoilers here.

First: Scarlet timeline stuff from the game. The Tera Orbs are said to have come into use in the Paldean League a decade before the game, as far as I remember. The implied timeline in Sada's Area Zero journals would suggest she's been working on it for much longer than that.

She secures corporate funding with her prototype of the Tera Orb, builds her lighthouse laboratory, and spends some amount of time away from her Area Zero lab. Eventually, she returns with a small team and they manage to create the time machine: Koraidon is implied to have arrived around the time that Arven was born. Arven, I figure, is probably about seventeen or eighteen.

So then the Tera Orb is probably in progress as a prototype for a decade before it sees wide release? That seems fair, especially since Sada's real passion is her research in Area Zero. The Tera Orb got her funding, but if she's dicking around with the time machine every chance she gets and is just working on the Tera Orb to appease the corporate sponsors, then that would slow the process. (The woman built an AI clone of herself, I think she could've figured out the Tera Orb in less than a decade if she wanted to. I'm giving her that.)

I believe Clavell was part of the initial Area Zero exploratory team with Sada, so he's probably known her for at least twenty years - it was probably very, very hard for him to watch as she spiraled deeper into obsession and isolation! Isn't that fun!

Actually I'll append my OC stuff later and dump this post here as it is for our reference.

[selkiewife]

When Your Home Means Death

Show Theon Week || Prompt: Home

Home is such a loaded word for Theon, being a hostage of House Stark. Theon’s craving for home and belonging is an incredibly important aspect of his character. In Season 8 however, the narrative seems to equate his home with death. 

When Bran tells Theon he is “home,” it is before he gives his life to protect that home. When Sansa places the Stark pin on his destroyed Greyjoy armor, it is only after he has died. It is almost like he cannot truly be part of the family unless he is dead. He cannot be home unless he dies for it. 

(This gets personal under the cut. There is still meta but it’s mostly a personal post.) 

Theon’s death on the show is one that I have truly grappled with. It felt so incredibly wrong and yet, that very wrongness reflected a lot of my own fears and caused me to attach to him even more profoundly than before. Which... is hard to reconcile honestly.  I even ended up writing a 10,000 word “unfix it” fic where I leaned into the bleakness of his death to try to purge all my thoughts about it. Perhaps what bothered me the most was the idea that the show itself didn’t seem to mean for his death to be bleak. The show seemed to present it as something that was a good ending for Theon. One that “tied up his arc nicely.” And considering what they did with some of the other characters, I suppose I should feel “grateful” that he died the way he did. As Theon himself says in Season 5, “It can always be worse.”

To be honest, I have always been drawn to characters who die. I think it is because I have always had this obsessive fear of death (like the moment of death- not existing anymore.) So as a kid this fear made me become fixated on characters who died in books and media- like Beth in Little Women for example. And it was almost comforting in a way even though I found it really painful to read about. Like I would think “well, they went through this, so I can do it too.” 

Now as an adult, Theon's death taps into that need as well. The way he died- alone and feeling like he failed to protect Bran- feeling like the world was literally going to end because he failed... like that moves me tremendously. Because I'm so afraid of that (like- not that the world will end because I failed lol) but that feeling of dying so alone and desperate and feeling like a failure... This fear has only grown over the years and is very tied to my struggle with mental health. So the fact that Theon went through that- it moves me in the same way that watching him going through abuse moved me and made me feel less alone. Or the idea of him feeling such emotional anguish and guilt and still continuing to go on... that makes me feel less alone too. 

BUT AT THE SAME TIME when I see people saying it was a fitting end or an appropriate end I just.... RECOIL... because I do hate the way the show seemed to frame it. They seemed to framed it as this good thing. Like, “He’s dead but he’s home!” but then they perhaps inadvertently showed us that his home always meant his death. Yet that accidental theme still GETS to me and I'm obsessed with it.... 

And then I also feel sensitive about character deaths in general and the discourse surrounding them. It’s this idea that death is always seen as some sort of moral condemnation. I mean part of it is the fact that it IS framed that way often in media- like a narrative punishment. Either that or a “kindness” to those characters who are considered too emotionally broken, too physically disabled, too insane, too whatever- to the point that death is considered the better alternative. And that is so patronizing, ableist and detrimental really. It reminds me of Jaime and Tyrion’s exchange about Bran: 

"Even if the boy does live, he will be a cripple. Worse than a cripple. A grotesque. Give me a good clean death."

Tyrion replied with a shrug that accentuated the twist of his shoulders. "Speaking for the grotesques," he said, "I beg to differ. Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities."

~A Game of Thrones, Tyrion I

And I hate that these framings of death have carried into our fandom discourse as well. You often see statements like, “My fave will survive until the end of the story and that’s why they are better than your fave.” But there was this truly excellent quote from The Sandman: The trouble with stories is, if you keep them going long enough they all end in death, don't they? And like yes. Yes. Death happens to all of us. It is intrinsically part of the human condition. So it’s kind of wild that something so universal and inescapable as death is often viewed as a character flaw. And most deaths on Game of Thrones actually weren’t framed like that in the beginning. Ned Stark or Catelyn definitely didn’t die because they were “the bad guy” or “too broken” or because they “needed redemption.”

Perhaps accidentally, Theon’s death is incredibly tragic in the way it illuminates the tragedy of his life. Home has always meant death or the threat of death from the beginning of his arc. His original home- the Iron Islands- was out of reach to him, unless he wanted to risk death to escape back there. And his “home” in Winterfell, where he grew up and grew attached, was technically a prison where he could be put to death if his father decided to rebel. In that sense, his ending on the show is a call back to the quote in the books: It was my home, though. Not a true home, but the best I ever knew. But in the show it becomes  “Death is the only home I can expect.” 

I want to just simply hate it. But... it brings up such powerful feelings and thoughts and questions that I can’t. Alas, nothing can ever be simple with Theon Greyjoy. And that is why I love him so much.

[dangerouscommiesubversive]

Hello Commie, I’m wondering what you think about Hibiki (the show)? My friends can’t get through it and we’re curious

Hoo, boy. What do I think about Hibiki. That’s a big question, you got a few minutes?

On a basic level, my answer is, I think Hibiki’s kind of a bad show, and I can’t blame your friends for not being able to get through it.

On a more detailed level, I think it’s a show with some serious problems, a few of which are technical but most of which have to do with the writing and tone.

The technical issues are mainly the insistence in the first 29 episodes of the show on filming the majority of the fight scenes out in the woods in natural light. Personally I thought it made the action kind of hard to follow, and it often flattened out the gorgeous saturated metallic colors on the suits. There’s also the heavy overuse of giant CGI monsters. Like, I dig that they wanted Hibiki to fight a huge crab or whatever, but it looks very bad, just let him fight a guy in a suit.

My issues with the writing are a lot more extensive and serious. I think it’s a show with horrendous pacing issues, for example--on more than one occasion while watching I found myself actively bored. Sometimes it was because I wanted more action, sure, but just as frequently it was because the character arcs were moving at a crawl. Things pick up tempo when the show switches writers at episode 30, but with the sacrifice of the story becoming less coherent. Whatever the fuck is going on with the villains is never made clear by either Tsuyoshi (the first main writer) or Inoue (the second main writer), and I think that hampers a Kamen Rider show in particular kind of a lot, since the main Rider’s relationship to the villains is one of the core concepts in the whole franchise.

Kamen Rider Hibiki is also a show obsessed with masculinity in a way that I frankly found alienating and off-putting. It’s all about Men, and Boys Becoming Men, and Relationships Between Men. Like, Asumu’s immediate fixation on Hibiki, especially in the early show, is I feel often contrasted with his relationship with his mother, to his mother’s detriment--she’s super cool and working her ass off at a thankless job, but it’s still totally reasonable for Asumu to obsess over this man he’s just met because A Boy Needs A Father Male Role Models. Ibuki has a fatherly, or at least big-brotherly, relationship to Akira, Todoroki idolizes Zanki--it’s all about these Very Masculine Men as role models.

(Yes, Kamen Rider as a whole franchise is obsessed with men to the detriment of everyone else. But it’s not always obsessed with Manliness.)

(I have never forgiven the show for its treatment of Asumu’s mother. Whenever I start feeling kindly towards it, I just get a flash of her sitting sadly at a dinner table full of her son’s favorite foods while he runs off and gets lost in the woods looking for a man he just met.)

Anyway, switching to Inoue as head writer doesn’t fix this, it just makes the show a little bouncier.

I--look, I could go on, but this answer is already really long. Hibiki is not a well-written show and I do not like it. It is filled with wonderful characters, though--pretty much every individual character in the show is someone I love and cherish. (Yes, this includes Kyosuke, he’s precious to me.) The suits are also very very good, and the music theming is super cool.

However. Regardless of my feelings about the show, Kamen Rider Hibiki and the Seven War Oni is an incredibly good movie and you really don’t have to watch the show to enjoy it. Please watch the movie. It’s excellent. And it includes Kabuki, the best movie-exclusive Rider ever created.

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

(v)

We both know you regret what you did, and you are not likely to do it again very soon. You admit that you messed up and want to make things right, but tell me this. Do you honestly believe the impulse to protect and save others is essentially evil?

Of course it's not!

Everybody, including you, has a side to themselves that they wouldn't want others to see or accept. Simply said, the constant pressure you subjected yourself to caused your sense of right and wrong to be taken away, which is what caused all of this in the first place.

I'm willing to assert that, should I visit this Future Foundation and inquire of everyone who has heard of you, not a single person would ever think Makoto Naegi would hurt his friends in order to establish his worth.

And they are right. You are aware that it is wrong to impose your will on your friends and disregard their autonomy. You only did so because Organization Zetsubou pushed you to your breaking point.

It's admirable that you're critically analyzing the problematic components of these wants, such as how your ambition, need to prove yourself, bravery, and fixation with other people's well-being are detrimental to your own mental health and the relationships you have with other people.

However, you should also keep in mind that you are more than just your desires. You are also your conscience, your empathy, and your ideals; the things that everybody knows you for, and what makes you a "hero" in the first place. Your identity is made up of many different facets that combine to become Makoto Naegi, the Ultimate Hope.

Therefore, even if last night demonstrated your capacity for cruelty, I believe it would be inaccurate to characterize you as a cruel person. Much less a "villain."

I...That's...

You're right about one thing. The desires you felt to prove your worth are the same as Tsumugi Shirogane's. But the difference is that Tsumugi Shirogane lacks any sense of self-control, takes those feelings, and willingly runs with them. Meanwhile, here you are, reflecting on the things that you've done, and talking to me about them. so you can come to terms with them before its too late.

...!

You're exactly right...

In short, it's other people who decide whether you count as a "hero" or not, Makoto Naegi. Not yourself. You don't need to prove yourself to anybody, much less your own mind. And if you ask me...I think you more than make the cut. Always have done.

...Thank you...!

It's...amazing...I feel a hell of a lot better after that...Your talents are no joke...

Recently, I've stopped looking at the world through Hope's Peak Academy's dirty lense. I thought that my whole purpose was to be perfect, but knowing now how much vision I lack, I realize I'm the furthest thing but.

I may be talented, but I barely count as a human, and I'm starting to reconsider the ideas that were planted in my head, all in order to better myself. And it seems you are willing to do the same.

Well, I'm confident you of all people can do it. I think what you've said is beginning to click. We can do it, even though I know we both have a lot to work on. We can move on.

I might be leaving soon, but I'll do my best to make an appearance if you ever need to chat to me again.

Izuru. Thank you. For everything.

Ultimate Hope Therapy.

...

*Shortly after his conversation with Kuripa and Mukuro, Makoto strides down the hallway of the Future Foundation to the Branch 7 department. Towards Miaya's office for some consultation.

...

*There's some chairs outside the office door, which Makoto finds locked, so instead, he sits down on one of them, patiently waiting.

...

You're going to be waiting for a while...

BAH!?

*He falls off his chair as Izuru Kamukura suddenly almost teleports next to him.

Ugh!? K-Kamukura!? Wh-What a surprise, I...thought you went home.

No. Akane and Mahiru want to spend a little more time with the others. In fact, we're debating whether I should be brought back to that house or not. It is quite homely there though, so I believe I will.

That's good to hear.

Are you here to visit Gekkogahara? I must warn you. You may be the only person here, but her waiting list is at least a mile long. It might be a while before she gets to you.

Oh...Right, that makes sense actually. A lot of people were traumatized after the things they had to see today. I guess it makes sense that she'd be busy.

She's doing a group session right now. I'm sure she wouldn't mind you joining in.

No, no...This is a lot of personal stuff. I can wait.

...

Naegi...

Yeah?

Would you mind terribly if I was the one you consulted?

Huh? You!?

It may be easy to forget, given my disposition, but I also have Miaya's talents of therapy, consultation, and psychology. Besides, I heard that you'd already sought help from her once before, and clearly, it did not work out.

That was because I was a bad patient, not because she was a bad doctor.

Not saying I'm against the idea...but why ask me that?

I don't know...It just feels like something that a friend would do. If Hajime was here, I'm sure he'd jump at the chance to help you.

...I'm sure he would...Alright, I'll take you up on that then...

——————————————————————

*Izuru escorts Makoto to a private room. He randomly pulls up two chairs and sits them facing one another. They then both sit down, and Makoto stares shiftily at his new therapist.

...

...

...Ok, this feels a little awkward....Where am I even supposed to begin?

You don't need to feel threatened by me. If it comes to it, just imagine me as a life-sized doll that you can vent your frustrations to.

But if you're having trouble getting started, let me suggest we begin with something simple. How are you feeling right now?

Exhausted, and in a lot of pain. I got light treatment for the injuries I suffered in my fights against Koime and Celeste, but I need a follow up appointment to get properly treated. It's just there's a long list of high-priority patients ahead of me.

In fact I'm fairly sure I shouldn't be walking around like this...I'm worried that if I sit or lie down, I'm not gonna be able to get up for the next two days.

I'm sure you'll manage. You're stronger than you think. But if exhaustion is all that's weighing on your mind right now, then I believe that's a good thing.

[mc-critical]

I love to boring you but what do you think of Murad IV in MC:Kosem ? I really like him but he seriously need of a therapy with a psy *a great one !* and i don't think he treated Ayse (or Farya !) correctly ! He is trash (more trash than any others characters i think) but i also like her complexity. How do you find him ? Do you think he deserve more recognization like Selim or not at all ?

I don't like him one bit as a person. He's problematic, hypocritical and abusive and his actions go beyond every sort of justification, no matter how much he tries to justify them himself. However, he is interesting and complex as a character and you can still see where he comes from and how do his beliefs unfold. He clearly has a detailed arc; and that arc causes him to be way more paranoid, way more selfish, way more overindulgent, which was to his detriment.

Let's face it: the show portrayed him as a very bad ruler (I spoke about why here) and from what I've read, historically, he isn't any better, either. I don't know what does he deserve to be recognized for, aside from the conquering of Baghdad, which did nothing to absolve his crimes in the show, aside from how well-written he is. Any possible redeeming quality of his is destroyed by all his problematic actions piling in and all we've left is a nuanced exploration of his problematic traits. With MC Selim we have a much more understandable circumstance, the child neglect which explained his drinking and lay low tendencies and why it looked like he didn't care for what the other brothers did. Thing is, Selim arguably wasn't all that problematic at first (the provocations between him and Bayezid were more mutual than anything else) and what really pushed him to "villainy" was the death of Mustafa and Cihangir, the complete destruction of the concept of brotherly love in his head. His redeeming qualities were as balanced as his "villainy" and you see within how human he is and how everyone around him who wasn't Nurbanu did somewhat screw him over from the start. The nuance is on his entire persona, not on his problematic deeds. I do believe that MC Selim's writing should be way more respected, because of all the nuance. I don't think he's fit for a padişah in the show, but he isn't some cardboard cutout who only drinks and schemes. He has actual issues, desires, sensitivity, vulnerability and compassion. Murat is a different kind of a character. He's both a bad ruler and a horrible person, he doesn't really have a transitional point to begin his problematic deeds, since he's like this in the beggining. He has his reasons in his backstory, but they recontextualize his paranoia, not what comes out of this paranoia. His transitional point was more him getting even surer of his beliefs than beggining a path of ruthlessness. Worse, it strips him from any possible scruple he had deep inside and what we would see from this point on is his further moral descent and nothing else. He has two areas of justification: a fragment of his past and the "Shadow of God" mentality that only ring more shallow the further we go. (it's fascinating writing-wise, but that's about it.) With Selim at least we have his motives becoming stronger the more we go and watch him succeed. They're different thematic explorations altogether and one of them isn't much on the sympathetic or deserving of recognition spectrum by design.

What I like the most about Murat's writing is that no matter how strong and dangerous it is, his paranoia comes from a real place. While with Süleiman we only had hints of said paranoia in a few flashbacks, with Murat we had an actually devastating, shown on-screen event that had the harder job of making such sudden by the show change more believable. Murat, for whatever he is, is shown a tiny bit of understanding by the script when there actually are people actively working behind his back. Süleiman assumes he's been betrayed, but since the events that open his paranoia are mostly events molded or completely taken out of context and no one actively works behind his back until much after said paranoia was allowed to occur (even Mustafa's organization worked primarily against Hürrem, not SS, one attempt to kill SS aside, which the object of his paranoia saved him from!!!!) - we, as audience, have no reason to buy it whatsoever, which brought the understanding for SS soo down for me. But Murat's paranoia made him go way out of proportion to the point he went even further than SS by willing to end the whole state so he could be there and rule. And just like SS, his paranoia quickly became all selfish in nature to the point of alienating everyone around him who wants to give him decent advice and thinking himself as right all the time. He wanted to be a lone wolf, driven by toxic masculinity from the start. And him feeling overshadowed by Kösem... no matter how understandable it has the chance to be because of the time period, made him blind and instead of gaining experience in order to rule unscathed and firm, he decided to fixate himself on the past and on his role and possible deep-seated resentment of his mother, he made all the wrong decisions in every aspect of his life.

His anger issues are especially illuminating, since he tends to lash out on the slightest thing gone wrong, to the point of exercising physical violence. His anger probably stemmed from how he could only watch during Osman's death and the subconscious blaming of Kösem because of it, along with Musa's death and them not giving him time to shine, something he thought belonged to him and was his right, but by ruminating on all this, he, once again, focuses on his own feelings and own world, he, once again, reaches devastating extremes. Anyone who ever tries to defy him suffers from this. Anyone who tries to defy him is evaluated by how much he's fitting for his mold, for his world, something far beyond a wish for loyalty.

He didn't love any of his women, IMO. His physical violence and abuse was highlighted by his dynamics with them the most and he always decided on the harshest punishments when it came to them. One might argue that his relationship with Farya played its part in somewhat humanizing Murat and disguising this overally questionable at its impossibly best love story for ratings and stuff, but the more we went, the more abusive it got and Farya could never get over his unpredictable and turbulent nature that strived to strictly control every single thing that was close to him to toxic levels. I won't even begin with how he treated Ayşe, because that was such a trainwreck and she deserved much better than to constantly fear for her life, because this guy could go immediately crazy and kill her and her kids. With Sanavber it was only slight infatuation and that's all for me, because in that point, I doubt this guy was capable of love. One Murat went and there came the other before Sanavber arrived and Murat was on the path to become his cruelest self.

All in all, I don't mind anyone going out there and trying to explore him ( in fact, I would actually love such discussions!), but he's hot trash, he should die in fire along with Süleiman and I'm struggling everyday to declare which one is worse in my book, because they suck the same for me, but in different ways. I appreciate their narrative roles, but otherwise... screw them both.

[saijspellhart]

Do you have any headcannons for Radicalshipping?

Oh gosh, you put me on the spot. Uhhh. Kinda? I spose headcanons differ depending on the AU really. But for the sake of simplicity I speak in reference to Radicalshipping if it occurred somehow in the canon Yugioh timeline.

First off, YBakura is stingy with the praise and kind words. He’s like a grumpy cat that doesn’t want to be touched unless it’s on his terms. But when he does say something nice he really means it.

YMarik, is the opposite. He lathes on the flattering words and praise, but it’s always laced with ulterior motives and oozes danger.

They both call Yugi “Babysitter,” an endearment that is equal parts affectionate and derogatory.

They are actually incredibly grateful to Yugi, and regard him with a lot of respect, in both his skills at gaming, as well as his depths of compassion and forgiveness. But they will die before admitting this to him.

They like to pick Yugi up from University, and take pleasure in intimidating the heck out of everyone while they do it.

YMarik struggles with his own identity. Being given a separate body he knows he was Malik Ishtar, but now he is a separate entity and strives to be his own person. To the point that he attempts to eat meat, and consume dairy out of spite, to the detriment of his own body. And gets sick afterward. Yugi is always there with a wet towel, and patience when YMarik inevitably gets sick and throws it all up.

YBakura knows YMarik wants to eat meat, and at first YBakura eats big ass steaks in front of him just to be an ass. But the more they become friends, the more Bakura excuses himself to the bedroom to eat meat. He refuses to eat the vegetarian meals, and Yugi always cooks something for both of them if Yugi cooks.

YMarik actually likes cooking, but will make faces at the food the entire time. And taste everything.

YBakura will not cook. He will buy takeout before he cooks.

Yugi likes them both, and sees the potential for good in the both of them. He tries very hard to help both of them turn over a new leaf. But unbeknownst to him, but knownst to us, their darkness is actually rubbing off on Yugi.

Yugi will become a feisty little protector if anyone messes with, or badmouths the yamis. He’s fiercely protective of them, despite them not needing his protection.

They are extremely flattered by this. And will sometimes put themselves into positions where people speak badly of them, just to watch Yugi go off on people.

YBakura struggles with unresolved complicated feelings for Malik. And deals with them by being incredibly hostile and antagonizing whenever Malik is concerned.

YMarik is still angry about being banished by Malik, and because of this he struggles with a temper, so he avoids Malik and conversations about Malik on principle.

YMarik became less interested in Duel Monsters, and found his calling with online gaming, and computer games. (He still has a deck though and will play with the others.)

YBakura still likes Duel Monsters well enough and frequently challenges Yugi, they keep each other on their toes.

YBakura wants to play Monster World, but no one will play with him except Yugi. Because of his past penchant for trapping everyone’s souls. Not even Ryou will play with him.

Ryou still comes over to hang out, but he rooms with Malik, and neither of them want YBakura or YMarik to stay with them. For various reasons.

Yugi was the first one to start crushing on the yamis, but kept his mouth shut about his feels because he felt it was inappropriate since he was responsible for them.

YMarik and YBakura are both jealous and possessive of Yugi, and constantly compete with each other. Despite their possessiveness, they are fine with Yugi spending time with his friends and family. YBakura has a soft spot for family.

YMarik has an oral fixation. Needs to put his mouth on things. Bites pens, nails, erasers, hair, Yugi’s fingers, etc etc.

Both yamis are incredibly smug about the fact that they “got” Yugi, and would jump at the chance to rub this in Atem’s nose if Atem were not already in the afterlife. They are just that petty. But they did sincerely develop feelings for Yugi.

That’s all I got right now. I hope those are headcanon-y enough for you. Thanks for the ask.

[juszar2]

You might find yourself in an unwanted situation of obsession much like a movie. They document because the stalker cannot hold it's fixation inside. Granted, I have been shocked at the effort I've had to take over the years to ward off a person who took a little too much interest. But to see record of obsession documented over time and the stalker homosexual childhood enemy from your youth be stuck in it's maturation at the age of 14 years old and be still carrying out the same efforts, that is disturbing. Still, and so fixated that it documented its efforts in great detail of it's feelings about a woman not thinking about or wanting the attention of this hybrid of a person. Aged but only chronologically. That it offers sex services and announcing that it can provide some sort of supersex is a type of vile I'd never want following my life. I would not imagine a stalker at this age still ruminating over me to such a degree that it is desperate asking and propositioning the weakest male I might have ever met to please have it. I am it's "motivation" and goals. I'd never imagine making public statements that I've been named a "goddess" for life by my spouse, even if it is true, or that men are eager to sleep with me, and I have to dissuade them or avoid them. That is just life, but I just keep those things private like any woman who is worth anything and not uncouth or what the low life spouse calls a "black gay whore." I could not imagine asking and propositioning to become a shadow to my enemy's intimacy. That might be the lowest, but when it is used to a history where life got so much lower than that even, it can and will do anything to hear someone, anyone say that it compares to it's obsession. It knows of my effortless invitations. I don't have to proposition or get nude or tell everyone about services and swear that I can compare. It knows I don't have to even give effort. Likely that it has never had a woman with class in it's presence for friendship because it sees all as a very normal pursuit. And it will create a record that demonstrates just how obsessed it has been with it's target. Targets are not responsible for this and do not invite it. It is disturbingly vile to be connected to it at all...and all that it needs is a low life and or weak individuals to carry out the fixation. It is unfortunate for the target who covets dignity and privacy and an upright life. To be informed of your own stalking and view a record of it is disturbing but I am grateful for that record because you want the full impact to be understood and seen to be imagined. What a demonstration quite unquestionable. Imagine for a beautiful woman much the opposite of what that looks and sounds like to have a tailgater homosexual. One making it clear of it's obsession. What that life must have been like, and here it is back to me as an adult in age desperately slithering around my life to come into it. Like a little girl speaking of me showing it's fixation. What would be a woman's reaction? The persistence and how this confused has followed my life quite literally, it is really disturbing how badly it is trying to provoke an incident. That cannot be denied. It is all quite disturbing to live with a sick homosexual documenting what it has and equally to have a low life detriment usable it's terrible. To provide information as he is asked about me and my family since last it saw me. It is revealing to find out just how intense the fixation goes.

[eijispumpkin]

some musings about yut-lung, inspired by a post i saw on the dash earlier today:

if the story of banana fish were to be reframed with yut-lung as the protagonist, ash would not actually be the primary antagonist of the final arc. eiji would.

why? because yut-lung’s issue was never really with ash. it was with his own lack of happiness after he got his revenge on his brothers. we can see this in episode 24 when he tells sing that his entire life’s purpose was to hate his brothers, and now that they’re gone, he’s empty.

now, obviously, during the beginning of this retelling, none of the characters we really care about from canon would matter. the primary antagonists would be the lee siblings, particularly wang-lung as head of the family. most of yut-lung’s actions in canon are behind the scenes, but in this retelling they would be front-and-center. i’m not gonna linger on that point because i think it’s fairly self-explanatory, but ash and eiji would not really be relevant to yut-lung’s story until after yut-lung’s plans are well underway (i.e. until hua-lung is drugged and has already become his puppet).

so, what is yut-lung’s relationship to ash?

i would posit that he latched onto ash as someone he saw himself in. someone that had been through similar trauma, someone who should have been as broken, unlovable, and unable to heal as himself. (or at least, as he saw himself.) that was the root of his fixation on ash: the belief that if yut-lung himself couldn’t heal and be happy, even after getting his revenge, why should someone else?

and, when we analyze why ash was more capable of healing in the timeframe he did than yut-lung, obviously there’s eiji, but eiji is not the only person to care for ash. there’s shorter, nadia, max, ibe, alex and the other gang members, etc; while ash has had an undeniably hard time, he has also found a support network.

yut-lung has not.

in fact, the whole thing is so foreign to him that he completely discounts the entire network, and decides that ash’s sole support is eiji. now, ash and eiji are definitely important to each other, but it would be remiss to say that eiji is the only person important to ash or the only person to care for him. this is a misinterpretation of ash, caused by yut-lung placing him on a pedestal as “the only one who understands”, so to speak, and it’s why yut-lung fixated so hard on eiji as the obstacle to remove in order to bring ash to his level.

ash’s actions towards yut-lung are not actually antagonistic. ash tells him he’ll kill him one day, but he never tries to actually act on it, or do anything else to hinder yut-lung’s plans in general. frankly, ash doesn’t really give two shits what yut-lung is doing, until ep 20 when yut-lung has eiji, alex, bones, and kong. that is (iirc) the second time ash and yut-lung even see each other after shorter’s death.

now let’s contrast that with eiji.

in episode 9, yut-lung says that eiji really annoys him, because he’s too innocent. he echoes that in episode 14, when he says that people either want to protect eiji, like ash, or they want to “tear him up and destroy him”, and that yut-lung himself is one of the latter. putting his idealization of ash aside for a moment, it’s pretty evident that this hatred is motivated by jealousy (a common theme in yut-lung’s story): why should eiji have had a happy childhood, when yut-lung didn’t? 

in fact, that whole conversation in episode 14 is pretty telling. yut-lung tells eiji that he’s stupid for thinking he’s ash’s friend, because “ash has no need for friends [...] all he needs are those who idolize him, and those, like arthur, who defy him. he doesn’t need anyone else. especially not you, who is only a burden to him.”

yut-lung isn’t talking about ash. he thinks he is, but really? he’s talking about himself. or, rather, what he wants himself to be.

in ep24, we see him breaking down because he doesn’t know what his life purpose is without having an enemy. that combined with how he thinks that someone like ash (i.e., someone like himself) “doesn’t need friends”, the fact that the heart of his quest for vengeance is his mother, and his jealousy regarding eiji’s happier childhood, all comes together to suggest to me, at least, that at his core, yut-lung craves companionship, and at the same time desperately wants to deny that he wants it.

this conflict is the crux of his character. yut-lung’s story is ultimately a man-vs-self battle; he has an image of himself that he wants to be (cold, calculating, alone, satisfied), and he’s trying desperately to force himself to fit into that box, but he can’t actually do it. he’s hurting, he’s lonely, and he’s scared, and he lashes out and gets petty, bitter, and vicious.

so how does eiji come in?

eiji is the antithesis of everything yut-lung wants. he’s evidence that ash (i.e. yut-lung’s mirror) can heal and be loved, and yut-lung doesn’t want to see that, because it shatters his worldview that he’s on a path no one else except ash and those like him can walk. he doesn’t want to accept that people like ash (i.e. himself) can need love and support and friendship. eiji threatens to undermine his entire outlook on life.

and how does eiji respond to that? 

eiji responds by loving ash harder. by insisting that yut-lung won’t ever understand, but that he will stay by ash’s side. that they understand that they both care for each other. yut-lung kidnaps him after ash is stabbed and reported dead, and eiji refuses to stay put. tries to escape many times, until he finally does. 

and when he does, yut-lung says that he’s just decided that he will be ash’s enemy, for as long as eiji is his only weak point. this is just a thinly-veiled attempt to make eiji leave ash, because eiji’s presence threatens yut-lung’s entire delicately-balanced view of himself. 

so yut-lung’s plan to get blanca to blackmail ash via eiji? meant to prove that eiji is nothing more than a weakness. really, he has no need to force ash back to golzine--he’s gotten his revenge, he could have done it without golzine’s involvement, he didn’t have to do this--but to him, it’s necessary to prove that he was right all along, that eiji is ash’s weakness and not an asset, that having eiji around was a detriment and he was right.

because if he’s wrong, it means he could have been healing, could have been loved, could have been less alone... and he wasn’t.

so yut-lung decides that ash has to fall back into hell in order to make himself feel secure in his own previously-established patterns of thought. unfortunately for him, eiji brings people together--as eiji is wont to do, like yut-lung said in ep14--to rescue ash, and turns everything on its head again.

this is why he goes to the museum to attempt to dupe golzine. it’s not really about ash. it’s about his view of himself, and the threat to that that eiji poses.

eiji is the real antagonist to yut-lung’s protagonist. ash is someone he puts on a pedestal and sees as a mirror of himself, and while ash is important to his story, eiji is the one who primarily acts in contention to yut-lung. he’s the one who thwarts so many of yut-lung’s plans, who tells him he’s wrong, who tries to stand in his way. 

overall, the main villain in yut-lung’s story is his own trauma. he developed many irrational thought patterns as ways to cope with what happened to him while he dealt with it alone, and wound up projecting them onto ash and eiji’s relationship (honestly, in a way blanca did as well, but that’s an essay for another day). however, within the bounds of that projection, eiji shows much more active opposition to him than ash.