#this feeling ive got its a CRUEL SUMMER

[cowboytarotcard]

hate to say it but taylor swift was right. it is a cruel summer

[sunfyresrider]

𝑪𝒓𝒖𝒆𝒍 𝑺𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒓

Synopsis: In 1989 you're forced to go on another one of the Targaryen family vacations except this one is to a summer camp. Crystal Lake isn't renowned for its beauty and exciting activities. Instead, it's well known for murder and strange disappearances; this doesn't deter money hungry counselors from setting up here. The twins swear it's folklore, Aegon claims you're going crazy but ever since you stepped out of the car you knew, this summer was going to be one to remember.

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x You T/W: dead bird, bad omens, nightmares, bullying, anxiety & paranoia, new friends, 80's slang, and all the bad vibes. A/N This is only kind of a Friday the 13th AU, I stole some names and lore but otherwise this is coming from my brain. Ive been listening to cruel summer nonstop hence the name. I really hope the first chapter got you as excited for the rest as I am!

Summer of 1989, you, your best friend and ride or die Hel, plus her army of obnoxious brothers are making your way to summer camp. Hel’s mother, Ali, she’s a sweet lady but her choice of family activities is never the greatest. This has got to be one of the very worst so far. 

To be fair, you would roll over and bark if she asked. She deserved it considering she basically adopted you like a stray cat after your family disappeared… That’s another story for another day where you aren’t trapped in the back seat with the biggest tool known to mankind. “Play this!” You scrunched up your nose, “No! Keep the radio on!” You reached to snatch the cassette from his hand, but he shoved your face back, “Hell no! I don’t wanna listen to Bananarama.”  

You shoved him back, “Shut up, Aegon. No one likes your music.” His eyes rolled into the back of his skull, “Shut up, Aegon. no one likes your music.” You huffed, “Stop mocking me!” He copied, “Stop mocking me!” You became desperate, anything to make him shut up. “Hellll! Make him stop.” With his obnoxious voice he continued, “Helllll make him stop.”

“Will you both shut up!” He turned the dial on the radio and began blasting whatever was originally on. The mood killer of all mood killers, Aemond Targaryen. The perfect student, son, and total stick in the mud. Granted, he did get his eye snatched out by his nephew. You’ve never heard the full story and don’t dare to ask but they don’t speak any more to say the least. 

There’re some good things about him. He has a super soft spot for Hel which sorta extends to you. That is why you’re listening to cruel summer instead of whatever shit Aegon had planned. He also barely speaks to you, almost like he purposely avoids you. In the years you’ve known each other there’s only been a total of ten conversations you remember. 

That’s fine with you, not everyone has to like you. That’s what you tell yourself to make yourself feel better at night. Your eyes drifted to the rear-view mirror, a perfect view of the man himself inside. In some lights Aemond truly was handsome, as if he was carved from marble. It didn’t help that his face almost always remained in a stoic position, unmoving and unwavering no matter the circumstance. The faux eye or eyepatch he chose to wear didn’t ruin his looks at all. In fact, it made him all the more alluring to certain girls.  

You’ve known him for years, lived with his family, basically a constant in his life since you were young, and he still remains a mystery. You enjoyed mysteries a lot, one of your favorite genres of books. You got caught, His good eye flickered to meet yours. Eye contact with Aemond made your breath hitch in your throat. It was intense, everything he did was intense. 

“Aemond watch Out!” 

Helaena screeched, a large black object landing directly into the windshield, cracking it. His eyes flickered back at the road as the car spun out of control. None of the three in the back had any seat belts on. Aegon grabbed ahold of you and the door handle, both of you screeching like little girls. The car made a god-awful noise as Aemond slammed on the brakes, shrouding the car in dust. In the very back you heard Daeron fall to the floor, waking him up immediately. 

“Oh my god! Oh my god!” Hel opened her door, leaping out of the car. Aemond quickly followed behind as the rest of you scrambled to get up. The dust from the road was finally starting to settle as you managed to pry yourself from your seat. “Ew.” Aegon murmured under his breath as he stood over the dead body of a raven. She was silently crying to herself as she bent over the lifeless thing. Helaena had always held an intense love for animals.

You peered at Aemond who remained completely composed, eerily silent as usual. He peered back at you, was this your fault for distracting him? You weren’t even doing anything besides staring! “Ravens are bad omens ya know… Great start to summer guys!” Daeron chirped from behind. “I’m going to the car,” Aegon said with disgust, brushing aside his sister's mourning. Daeron followed quickly behind, excited to go back to napping.

It took Aemond a few tries to get Helaena to leave the bird and return to her seat… She’s too gentle for this world. For some reason you were stuck in place. The second you stepped out of the car you felt eyes on you. You didn’t know where they were coming from, but they were there or everywhere. Instant anxiety coursed through you; this place had bad vibes in the first place. It didn’t help that you were watching a bird slowly choking to death on its own blood.

Bad omen

Bad omen

Bad omen

Bad omen

“Hey! We’re going to be late, get in the car.” Aegon’s screeching pulled you out of your trance, “Oh piss off!” 

The walk through of camp was rather boring. Immediately the girls were separated from the boys and to be completely honest, the girls' cabins were shit. They were wooden and lined with poorly built bunk beds. No plumbing whatsoever besides the showers which only ran cold water. A bug infestation was definitely on the horizon. The camp tshirts weren’t terrible, just a little ugly in design. The counselors were only a few years older than you, which teed you off because they were barking orders left and right. 

Helaena didn’t seem to mind any of it, lost in her head as usual. The dead bird definitely ruined her mood for today… You on the other hand couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. It came just as quickly as it went, and it fucking followed you… You were actually going insane. Or one of the boys was playing a long prank on you.

The tour was painstakingly long as you walked the grounds looking at the lake, the yard, the forest trails and the other buildings of importance. The recreation room, the dining hall and kitchen, the banned counselor area and finally the “special building.” It was where all the electricity came from and probably plumbing too. 

The events for welcoming day were as follows: settling in, tour of the camp, dinner, and the huge bonfire in front of the lake. It seemed simple and easy to digest but you couldn’t shake your anxiety. You didn’t like being around strange people, you didn’t like being far away from home and you definitely didn’t like that they separated your bed from Hel’s. Also, Daeron’s comment from earlier was making you paranoid. Little shit always has a way of getting in your head. 

“Aegon is already flirting with the girls from the other cabin.” You peered from across the dining room to watch him shamelessly chat up randos. Your face twisted in minor disgust. “Oh, gag me with a spoon… I don’t know how you’re related.” You slid down the line grabbing the food the “chef” had made. Without a doubt there was a few mystery meats and a hair lurking in the applesauce. Maybe you were being pretentious, but shouldn’t a rich camp afford better food? 

You took your seat after meticulously avoiding all of the possible bowel killing food and settled on Mac n Cheese. Even at camp the tables were separated by categories, freaks aka rebels, geeks/brains depending on who you ask, the jocks, the heathers aka bitches and the outcasts. Obviously, you the Targaryen’s stray cat and the weird girl obsessed with bugs aka Hel say with the outcasts. 

Aegon had wormed his way into the jocks even though he didn’t play sports. Daeron fit in anywhere because he was just sooo charming. And well, Aemond, was staring at you from across the room at the brains table. Gracefully avoiding direct eye contact when you glanced over. He always did that, ever since you were kids. 

A normal person might ask why or go and talk to him. You weren’t normal and unbelievably awkward when alone with him. It was just because he was intimidating and obviously didn’t like you very much. Or maybe he was madly in love with you and just couldn’t find the strength to speak to you… Of course, it was the former.

 “Hey!” A short girl with pretty curls took her seat in front of you both. Hel and you glanced at each other, shocked someone were talking to you. She was beaming, sunshine literally radiating off of her skin. A total surfer chick from the west coast. You learned her name was Rhaena, her twin Baela had ditched her earlier for a boy and she was trying to make new friends. 

“So, this is your first time here? That’s totally tubular!” Helaena spoke up,“You’ve been here before?” Rhaena propped her knees up on the seat, so she was basically in Hel’s face. “Yeah! Baela and I have been coming since we were kids.” Helaena smiled, eyes twinkling with something you hadn’t seen before.“That’s rad.” You paused, when has seen used slang before? “What about you? Have you been here before?” Her voice sounded muted, as if asking you was a total pain. “Oh no. This is my first time.” 

“Oh my god I can totally show you guys around and tell you all the secrets.” Helaena cocked a brow, “What secrets?” Rhaena smiled mischievously, “Likeee there’s this abandoned shack not too far away that everyone goes and explores. Apparently, it’s haunted.” You were nodding your head along getting lost in thought. 

“Oh, and the boys get all the hot water, and we don’t… and they only use knock off versions of food to save money… Don’t eat the Mac n cheese, I’m pretty sure it’s spoiled.” You dropped your spoon, apparently nothing was edible here…. Wait?! The boys got hot showers and you didn’t?! And there’s a fucking haunted house… You knew this place was fucking creepy. 

“Baela! That’s the twin I was telling you about! Come on, I want y’all to meet her.” She grabbed Helaena’s hand and gently tugged her in the opposite direction. “Hey, you coming?” There it was again! The feeling of your hair standing up and someone watching you. You froze in place, eyes scanning the area. Aemond wasn’t looking at you anymore, too preoccupied with Daeron. 

“She’s zoned out again… Bestie we’re gonna be right back.” No one in your peripheral vision either… Which means they were behind you. You jumped around in your seat, prepared to surprise whoever was there. 

Except, there was no one but an empty building. You spun around looking for any sign of life and found none… How long have you been sitting here? When did Helaena leave you? The lights turned off and you felt your heart sink to your ass… 

A masked figure emerged from the darkness of the kitchen holding a kitchen knife. He was soaking wet, as if he had just come out of the lake. You stumbled back in place, bumping into the table behind you. Your breath hitched in your throat; your heart began thumping rapidly. 

Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck

You weren’t able to scream, your legs had turned into wet noodles that wouldn’t move. You were going to die; you were totally going to fucking die. It cocked its head to the side, “Run Rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run,” it sang in an eerily sweet voice. Not the fucking tune from the thirties! 

All of the sudden he charged; you squeezed your eyes shut preparing for the worse… You felt two hands shaking you, violently shaking you. 

“Mrs. y/l/n, please wake up.” The counselor shook you a few more times, “Hey! Rise and Shine sweetheart!” You jumped in place, gasping for air and startling the counselor. “We’re going to be late for the bonfire, please hurry up.” You looked around, the lights were still beaming, and the sun had only just started to set. There were still a few counselors around and your face was sticky…

You fell asleep in the fucking Mac n Cheese!  

“Hey.” You awkwardly took a seat in between Aemond and Aegon seeing as Helaena was being fussed over by the twins. “You only come to me when your girl gets stolen. Don’t worry babe, I can make you forget about her.” You shoved him into Daeron, nearly knocking him off the bench. “Can you be normal?! For like five seconds, please.” 

“Impossible, his brain is made of jello.” Aemond deadpanned, eyes burning holes into Aegon’s skull. You giggled to yourself, “The off brand Jell-O.” The camp counselor marched in front of the four of you, pointing fingers. “Hey! Don’t tell me you four are gonna be the troublemakers this year. I’ll have you know-“ 

“Ms. Dunn! I just saw a kid go into the electrical cabin!” Baela, you assumed, just caused a perfect distraction. The counselor went running in the opposite direction. She winked at you all and walked off to join her sister and your best friend. Aegon sat up, dead silent. He had that look in his eyes, the look of a boy who found a new boy. “He’s found a new conquest.” 

You peered at Aemond, unable to hide the smirk creeping onto your face. “Let’s hope this one has some standards.” The head counselor stepped up, clapping their hands together to announce their presence. Ghost stories, a nice welcome to a strange camp. It was tradition according to Rhaena, a weird fucking tradition. 

It took a minute for everyone to settle down, specifically Aegon who kept poking you in your side. He did this consistently throughout your life, teased you until you gave him attention. Aeg was like an older brother but worse and more pervy. Introductions, getting to know each other, and then finally the fucking story. The entire thing was unbearably boring. 

“Many years ago, a mad woman lived here with her son before her land was sold to us. It is said after years of listening to the campers next door she went insane. She butchered every single camper, except one who drowned her own son believing him to be the killer!” The crowd was silent, except the few gasps of some younger girls. You sat up in your seat, fixated on lore. 

“Not long after, a group of campers decided to explore the lake and the supposed haunted cabin. Of course, they were brave and didn’t believe in myths or legends. As they walked along the shore, they heard strange noises coming from the trees. Branches cracked, leaves rustled, and something seemed to be following them.” You weren’t easily frightened… but for some reason your nails were picking at the tips of your shorts. 

“They picked up their pace, escaping into the abandoned shack they originally thought to be safe. One brave boy ventured deeper inside, until he fell through the floor. An ear-piercing scream could be heard across the lake… He fell right on top of the mother’s remains!” Aemond wasn’t amused, he was far more entranced by the way the fire lit up your face. And the way your jaw hung with suspense at a silly ghost story. 

“They ran back to the main grounds, hoping to find safety! However, when they returned the camp was nearly empty. Not a single soul remained on this land. Ripples began forming in the lake below them, tree branches cracking the distance. They all began to panic, huddling in a circle… From the darkness of the lake emerged a looming figure, soaked head to toe with blood. He held out the machete in his hand and stormed towards them.” 

The outdoors became eerily silent, only the crackling fire provided comfort. You were on the edge of your seat, anticipating blood shed… “The next day the authorities arrived and found no trace of the bodies. No blood or weapons could be found anywhere in the vicinity. Twenty campers and counselors disappeared that night without a single trace…” You leaned back in your seat, that wasn’t an epic ending at all. It was like almost reaching an orgasm then being cut off. “it’s said every few years he comes back... He waits for the campers to get comfortable… to feel safe… Until-”

“Ahhhh!”

A dark figure in a black mask with a blood coated axe jumped out of the darkness. You screamed like a banshee, you jumped back in place, landing against Aemond’s chest. It felt like your eyes were going to pop out of your skull, or maybe your heart would explode. His arms wrapped around you lightly, you could barely feel them securing you into place. 

“Ahahaha! Ahahaha!  you’re so fucking jumpy! You’re like a little rabbit.” You stared at him blankly, then you stared at the people around you… No one else was screaming but you. Was the jump scare seriously not that terrifying to anyone but you. Aemond cleared his throat, “You good?” He didn’t mind you being close, he didn’t mind that you crushed his groin. In fact, he could stay like this for hours if there weren’t camp counselors staring him down. 

It was like an alarm going off in your head, you turned to look at Aemond for a second. Embarrassment quickly drowning all of your sensations. You slid off of his lap and back on the bench. No words were coming out, no thoughts being processed. Your cheeks were beaming red, this summer was going to be fucking hell. 

After the bonfire, aka your personal torment, your family and the new add ons Baela and Rhaena huddled into a lopsided circle by the lake. “I have an idea,” Aegon announced to the group. “Baela told me about the broken-down shack, and I think we should totally go check it out!” You looked around at everyone’s faces and they all seemed to be in agreement… “Haven’t you seen the movies? This is how everyone dies dumby.” 

Aegon scoffed, “Ok freakazoid, did you and Aemond switch bodies? ” He just killed two birds with one stone, or one sentence. Aemond was used to the slander, you however had a short fuse when it came to Egg boy. “Eat my shorts, Aegon!” He cocked an eyebrow, “Only if you ask nicely.” You faked a vomiting noise. Helaena made a sour face, “That’s grody.” You paused; Helaena never used slang before. Aegon chimed in, “Are you done being pussy?” 

You began bickering instantly, the sounds of your petty argument and Aegon’s obnoxious laughter obviously killing the vibe. Daeron pushed into the center of the circle. “Everyone take a chill pill! How about we go to the cabin, and you stay here as a lookout.” Aegon clapped his hands together, “Awesome! We gotta go now before the counselors wake up.” You took a step back watching the group disperse towards the forest. Rhaena took Helaena’s hand and started bouncing off, leaking excitement. “Hel? Are you not gonna stay behind?” 

She paused, glanced between you both. “I- I just want to check it out! I’ll be back in a sec.” Rhaena raised a hand to wave, “Don’t stress! We won’t die!” You watched silently as your best friend got whisked off into the darkness. She’s never left you behind before, she’s never done adventurous things. She’s calm, quiet, quirky and, and you don’t like this. You don’t like this one bit. 

“You look jealous.” You whipped your body around, nearly stumbling on the leaves behind you. “Aemond? I thought you were going with them.” He smiled, just barely, “Exploring abandoned shacks isn’t my forte.” He definitely wasn’t staying behind because you were. He especially wasn’t staying behind to be alone with you. “Oh…” you stared at him, not a single thought in your brain. Why were you so nervous? Have you always been so nervous around him? 

It might be because you had to crane your neck up to look at him. “I’m not jealous!” He stalked behind you with his hands behind his back. “Is that so? You’ve looked pissed the past few hours.” Your brows furrowed, “Pissed? What no. It’s just… ever since we got here, I’ve had anxiety out the butt.” Aemond paused his steps, “I’m sorry about the bird. I should have been looking but I-”

“It’s not the bird. I mean it is kinda the bird, but this place gives me the creeps!” You held your arms out wide and twirled in a circle. You were trying to make a point. Aemond smiled to himself, “I get it. It’s too calm, the perfect place for a monster to hide out.” Your mouth gaped in faux shock; your hand went to swat at his arm. “Don’t joke! I’m being serious, it has bad vibes.”

“Hm,” he nodded his head as if agreeing or thinking, you couldn’t tell. “You just need to distract yourself from the bad vibes.” You cocked your head to the side, “How?” Aemond sat down on the little beach, motioning for you to follow. “We could play a game.” You followed suit, sitting with your legs crossed. “Which game?”

He picked up a pebble and threw it into the water. “I was hoping you would know.” Who would offer to play a game then not even know what game! “Uhhh all I know is twenty questions.” He tossed another pebble,“Great.” 

He was always straight forward and maybe a little too quiet. You couldn’t tell if he was doing this out of pity or he really wanted to play with you… Aemond Targaryen was a confusing man. “You’re agreeing that easily?” He finally turned to look at you, sincerity gracing his features. “I mean, all we know about each other is from what Helaena says so I don’t see why not.” You tapped your fingers on your chin, “Okay… Why’d you choose Vhagar as a pet name.” 

He hummed to himself, “I was twelve and thought it was a cool name for a big lizard. What’s your favorite song?” The same song that almost caused a car accident earlier, you thought to yourself. “Easy. Cruel Summer by Bananarama.” Aemond smiled, a smile that could genuinely light up the world. “Ah, that’s why you almost fist fought Aegon for radio rights.” You clapped your hands together, “It’s a great song! And it totally fits the vibes. Next question… What’s your favorite song?”

“For Whom the Bells Toll. I can play pretty much every Metallica song on guitar.” Your eyes lit up with excitement, “You’re a metalhead and you play?! Aemond I never knew that!” You sat up and grabbed his shoulders, tugging at them gently. “It’s not that impressive.” He made eye contact for a split second before his lips curled into a tiny smirk. “Oh please! don’t be coy. You need to play for me sometime… If you-” 

“Of course.” A sudden sting of embarrassment rose through him as quickly as he said it. He didn’t mean to cut you off, or seem so excited… “What’s something you regret?” You stopped invading his personal space and sat back, criss cross applesauce. What was something you regretted? You could be completely honest and go for it or make up a lie. You regretted many things in your life, too many to count. The only one you could think of now, “I regret not getting to know you sooner. You're super cool, Aemond.” 

Aemond felt his heart rate pick up its pace and his palms were getting all sweaty. He always knew you were pretty but seeing you excited over him took it to a new level. The way your eyes sparkled and the moonlight reflecting off of the water perfectly illuminating your features. For a second, he swore he saw your lip's part. Did you want to kiss him? No, he avoided you for years, no way you’d be into him now. Unless… 

 “What’s your favorite memory?” Aemond paused, obviously he couldn’t say the day you moved in. The day you nearly bit Aegon’s finger off for shoving it in his face. The day you awkwardly danced with him at prom because no one else would… “I think I’m gonna create my favorite this summer…” He leaned in, slowly but purposefully. Your cheeks lit up bright red, eyes bursting out of your skull. Was he going to kiss you? Is Aemond trying to kiss you?

Why aren’t you pulling back? Why are you leaning into him! Aemond murmured under his breath, “…with you.” For a second, and only a second you thought you would kiss. You never moved this fast, was he always this alluring? Ever since you got here everyone had been acting strange. Helaena is using slang and ditching you. All of the sudden Aegon is a natural born leader. Daeron is going on dangerous adventures with Aegon of all people… And you are about to kiss your best friend’s brother whom you barely know! 

“Ahhhhhhh”

An ear-piercing scream immediately caught both of your attention. “Helaena,” you said in unison. Aemond shot to his feet first, you quickly followed suit. He sprinted towards the forest, fastest you’ve ever seen him run. This wasn’t the time for I told you so but, you fucking told them so! 

All you could hear was yourself panting, twigs breaking, and leaves being crushed beneath your feet. Why did everything go quiet?! It felt like you were in the twilight zone. It felt as if you had been running for hours when you approached the cabin. Though it didn’t bring you any relief.  

Your heart sank as you realized that the door was left open, which could only mean that they were inside. You picked up the pace, thinking that you were running out of time. Believing they might be getting chopped up by an axe wielding maniac. 

When you finally reached the cabin, you saw your friends huddled inside. Helaena, Daeron and Rhaena stood there pointing flashlights towards the floor, unbothered. They looked more spooked by you two crashing their party than anything else. “Are you guys okay?” Aemond asked.

“We’re fine,” Daeron replied. “Aegon fell through the floor, though. He landed on a pile of bones.” You walked towards the hole, searching for any signs of life. “Is he hurt?” you asked, in a voice that sounded too sincere.

“Ah sweetheart! I knew you cared about me,” Aegon shouted beneath the floorboards. You deadpanned, “I change my mind, die.” You reached into the darkness anyways, trying to help pull Aegon out of the floor. “Jesus have you always been so heavy.” He snickered, “You’re just a weakling.” You slapped the top of his head, “I’ll drop you and you can spend the rest of your night in the hole.” As you bickered with Aegon, who was taking his sweet time crawling out of the floor. 

Aemond looked around the cabin, something was off. “What types of bones were they?” Helaena sighed, “More animal bones but I think it was from a deer this time.” He tapped his foot on the ground, “hm.” His eyes narrowed as he scanned the cabin, “which one of you screamed?” The girls looked at each other, confused. “None of us screamed, Aemond.” The group fell into a heavy silence before Daeron spoke up. “Let’s get the hell out of here. I don’t want the counselors to find us.”

You all quickly exited the cabin, making sure to leave it the way you found it, and made your way back to camp. The closer you got to your temporary home the worse you felt. Were you slowly having a psychotic break why are you so anxious? No, it wasn’t paranoia, something was wrong. 

Something was missing, someone was missing. You counted, one for Aegon, two for Helaena, three for Aemond, four for Daeron, five for Rhaena, six for… You stopped walking, causing everyone to turn their heads towards you. “Where’s Baela?”

[pumpkinsy0]

papercut brokeback mountain au hcs. perhaps. Maybe. 🙂🧍

ive never watched brokeback mountain,,,,but ik ENOUGH to know that if i ever find out who u r,,,u will b dealt w,,,swiftly,,,,,

•BEFORE WE GET ALL ANGSTY, can i say that before i rlly knew of the plot,,,i thought brokeback mountain was like,,,,a sex joke,,,im not even trying to b funny, i rlly, truly thought it was, but it doesnt matter bc i can say that curly would b making jokes about it anyways and ponys sick of it

•i think its fitting to say curlys jack and ponys ennis, and i say that bc like i said, curly doesnt care who hes doin and to a degree pony doesnt????but he cares more so about what ppl think, and curlys not rlly like that

•idk exactly how it happens in the movie, but maybe instead of them just like being adults all throughout most of it, its more so like a “u see them grow up and get closer” thing, it started out as a summer job and every summer they were excited to see each other every summer and kept in touch over the course of the year till they saw each other again, but it is mostly about them in their 30s or 40s, middle aged papercut gets a rare appearance

•this also means that curlys teasing pony for his name, a cowboy w the name pony???, curly def had a few things to say bout that one, in return pony teased curly about his last name being shepard considering they were dealing w sheep

•when it comes to pony and him being afraid to show himself, i think that would piss curly off a lot more, bc pony would reciprocate and then other times literally push him away, and curly hated how “complicated ur making this”, its even worse bc pony does in fact have a way w words and curly wont 100% admit it but it makes him feel special so for pony to like him one minute then push him away the next???yea hes goin through it

•w the postcards theyd send each other, this is gay as hell, but im a sucker for indirect kissing w papercut, so maybe they kiss their postcard before they send it off

•pony would even draw curly and let curly keep em and he’d have a lil note at the bottom w it, this is a cruel world we live in just let them kiss in a deli store💔💔

•they swap hats and coats a lot, the coats dont fit, but thats ok, it still smells like em so they keep it

•honestly for this au, id say its a mix of curlys parents being homophobic and pony being scared to b out w it, everyone else knows just, doesnt say anything, kind of like a dirty secret?????

•instead of saying i love u, they just say “i swear”

•what if nothing bad happened and we were all SUPER just say that pony and curly accidentally got into lavender marriages and their wives r rlly just gfs and pony and curly r bfs hahahah, but nobody says anything (im gonna lose my marbles)

•if we wanna go the “one of them dies” route (i hate u deeply) instead of what happened w the ashes, lets say that years ago, they had one of those “when i die, i wanna b a _____” OR the other always just say em as a certain animal, and when they die, everytime they see that animal, they thing if them!!! think of like,,,red dead redemption w that buck and coyote when it comes to arthur morgan

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

real! I used to love her (ts) but she feels very different than she used to. I’ve listened to phoebe bridgers a bit, she was good just not the type of music I usually listen to. Boy genius and Lucy Dacus are both amazing tho. They for sure deserved to win Aoty, or sia

sorry for how long this got??? i just started writing and oh whoops....

anyway- THATS what ive been saying about her unfortunately. its like after folklore/evermore things genuinely changed because of all the fame and popularity. people werent criticizing her anymore and instead overly praising her.

which isnt bad! i do think she deserves praise over folklore. the marketing of it being a suprise album was very clever too. but i think before those folklore there was a sense of criticism that people had with her music that kept her wanting to innovate it.

i have a strong believe that social media's algorithms are failing artists to innovate pop music in the same way than 00's pop music did just because of how much less artists have to lose now with their brandings. i once again bring up artpop by lady gaga and how much she lost for her idea???? and now??? gaga was really fucking killing it. her music had such creativity and passion put into it that you can SEE her drive in that. (also to know i didnt understand artpop as an album until MUCH later in my life)

but taylors lack of needing to innovate her sound due to her popularity and lack of criticism really has just shown how much her music has come to decline in quality. if you see the transition between fearless and speak now. those two albums. she TOOK the criticism that she "couldnt write her own songs" and literally flipped that narrative to write that entire album herself. and to me? arguably speak now is MY favorite taylor album.

and the transition between speak now to red to 1989 to reputation. theres SO much that happened in that sense of time. theres different sounds that make those albums what they are. 1989 was such a creative endeavor for her because it was her first step into pop music. i think was also her first time working with jack? now people say her decline on music is his fault as a producer but i dont believe his role had gotten bad until midnights. (i saw people discussing clairo's sling album because he produced it. but THEYRE WRONG. SLING IS GOOD AND HIS ERA OF BAD PRODUCING HAPPENED IN 2023(?) i forget when midnights came out ugh thats how many taylor albums we have gotten ffs)

but the breakaway and challenge 1989 gave really set up for reputation. she disappeared because of all the hate. and i think while I DONT SUPPORT that type of treatment because no one should go through that type of mental low... that really set her into a space to create more fluidly and with more passion?

lover- people will say was a flop.. and ill admit too... cruel summer?? shouldve never ever became a single. it was better as a hidden gem. but lover was good for the majority of songs!! there's still passion in it.

it was just that after folklore/evermore it felt very.... underwhelming and not like her at all. the quality slipped so so off the page. it just feels very recycled and unnecessary. especially like i said the fandom doesnt help with overconsumtion and she really truly should use her platform for more. the economy being in shambles and yet she wants to charge $700 for a concert ticket. (nothing bad if like someone WANTS to go but its genuinely ridiculous because inflation shouldnt BE like that).

not to even cover merch??? why is it so high?? shouldnt you want it to be accessible to your fans since you have so many?? vinyl prices are ridiculous but WHY is a hoodie almost $100. im sorry but like why 😭. cant we just charge $60 again?????

anyway all that to say that after the evermore era her music genuinely slipped off. im just thankful that the speak now rerecord didnt get BOTCHED as high hell. i have opinions about the vault tracks because the entire reason was to include tracks from that era and yet its like your smearing shit onto a perfectly wonderful painting and saying "look yall!! i added to this!!" wrong. wrong wrong wrong. idk. 1989's vault tracks just made me mad. it felt so unlike the vibe of what 1989 was???? and slut was NOT written at the time of 1989. come on.

timeless though off of the rerecord for speak now.... i will defend that one with my honor. i genuinely am glad speak now's vault tracks didnt get horrible treatment. i like that she kept the solo writing with the entire album. adding on fob and hayley's collabs as a callback because i really remember seeing videos of her singing sugar were going down and thats what you get during the speak now tour. it just felt like a full circle moment for that. fob's collab couldve been better but im glad it wasnt like... bad.

stilllll think matty's collab couldve been iconic on slut. even if i hate 1989's vault tracks as a whole... the 1975 does have good music. I KNOW. controversial yeah. anyway. hes got talent tho.

i found phoebe during 2020 when i was listening to a bunchhh of different artists (the 1975 too yeah). but punisher found me and i used to not be able to sleep due to anxiety/insomnia back then and i would listen to that album for months to just SLEEP.

i have a closeee bond with it. its like my favorite if not a close second of my favorite album of all time. its just really interesting?? also really valid that its not your type of music either. i just hold her stuff close. also did a english assignment on smoke signals' lyrics. i remember that. i got to say "fuck the cops" in the assignment and felt very proud of myself LMAO.

in terms of lucy- i for some reason never have gotten around to listening to her stuff?? even though i know i need to and should?? i just always somehow forget. many people have told me to but oh man i forget.

glad we can agree that they deserved album of the year btw.

sorry for the LENGTHY reply but yeah!! i might be forgetting to talk about something but askinf about my special interests (music) will always give you a lengthy answer.

[eureka-its-zico]

BABY IVE GOT A LIST OF TAYLOR SONGS HOLD ON

• I am actually the anon who said Afterglow before 💪😮‍💨

• You’re Losing Me (its only on youtube)

• CRUEL SUMMER???????

• The Great War

• Daylight

• okay hear me out Midnight Rain but roles reversed (she was sunshine he was midnight rain)

Well hello my Afterglow darling!

Let me go listen to the YouTube one first since it’s only there 😩.

I feel like I’m going on a trip lol

Ok wait you’re losing me is on Spotify!!!

[hopeurokays]

WENT AND SAW THE ERAS TOUR MOVIE LIKE AN HOUR AGO AND AHHHHHHHHHH. IT WAS SO GOOD (spoilers under the cut)

so my movie theater didn't have popcorn buckets bc their shipment is currently lost

but i got a cup and a poster

i planned on making like 50 bracelets but ended up only making like 20

which is good though cause pretty much nobody had bracelets to trade

i traded 1 and gave out all but 2

i don't know how people don't cry the entire concert

bc i almost cried several times during the movie so the actual concert i think would have me dead

so now im gonna go by era and discuss it

lover:

the opening made me cry

i whisper sung the beginning bc it was still kinda awkward and nobody else was singing loud

until the cruel summer bridge

then we all sung it loud

i LOVE the man and loved getting to see the things i hadn't noticed from tiktok (like the specific dance moves, etc)

the man and lover also made me cry a bit

im so upset she cut the archer

its not even my favorite song or anything but still

fearless:

iconic guitar spins 🫶🏻

everyone did the heart hands, it was so sweet

it was so cute seeing her band sing with her, they're adorable

fearless spins made me cry

love story almost made me bawl, but i held it together

i can remember being in kindergarten and saying my favorite song was love story so thinking about that made me want to sob

evermore:

THEY CUT NO BODY NO CRIME

i was so excited when i realized it was filmed

and then SHE CUT IT

anyways

marjorie made me cry

tolerate it was a materpiece (as expected)

so was champagne problems

reputation:

honestly no words

look what you made me do honestly almost made me cry

when all the other taylors were in the boxes

but still it was all soooooo good

speak now:

enchanted made me tear up

im so glad she wore the purple dress for filming

SHE CUT LONG LIVE 😭😭😭

ik it's the perfect end credit song but still

we wouldn't mind to hear it again

will forever be upset

red:

ngl 22 got me

it was the only one that made me cry

and like i cried like a baby when she gave the 22 hat

i expected it to be kobe bryant's daughter, but it still got it

i was bawling in my seat

but then the rest was really nice

i loved screaming atw

folklore:

ive never seen video of her performing the 1 all the way through and loved it

also betty made me cry

but betty was the first song off folklore id ever heard and was made me listen to her new music so it holds a special place in my heart

also there was a little girl who got up during betty and started dancing, like throwing arms above her head and everything

and she did that for most of folklore

she was a mood tbh

I CANT BELIEVE SHE CUT CARDIGAN

WHYYYYYY

1989:

none of these made me cry, i was too busy dancing lol

they were all really fun

i loved the clubs smashing the car

also i love that she wore the pink one

i just like that outfit best

surprise songs:

i can't say im surprised it was our song and yoyok

and i absolutely loved them

but i was really hoping she would find a way to put all of the songs she sung in la on there

especially you are in love

i wouldve cried and died and just stayed there forever

but yoyok made me cry during the bridge

midnights:

i LOVE the purple jacket/dress combo

kinda freaked out when i realized id have to sit beside my mom during vigilante shit...

but she didn't say anything

i loved the vibes of this era too

other/end credits:

the bracelet part was so cute and clever

and i love the fan moments/bloopers

i do kinda wish the credits would've been styled more like rep tour's was

i also loved the transitions to each era and the text for the album name

it was all really cute

and i loved how taylor was still being goofy

i was worried it wouldn't be as silly as the shows usually are

but im glad it was, it made it feel more authentic

also the quality of everything was SO good

overall i loved it and if you're debating on going just do it (im thinking about going with my friends to watch it a 2nd time...). I'd give it like 1000/10 tbh

[glitterdustcyclops]

oooh fun tag game @swirlingflight did and i want to do too

Rules: name your favourite movie, character, animal, drink, song, season, book, colour and hobby.

Movie: Pacific Rim first and foremost because that shit rewired my brain on a fundamental level. still holds up years later. too bad they never made a sequel, it would have been cool to see how they could have further developed the incredible world-building the first movie teases at (AHEM) the second answer is sofia coppola's marie antoinette cuz it fully lives in my brain rent free even now, 17 years later. that movie is my EVERYTHING.

Character: right at this moment it's a tie between izzy and astarion and no we're not going to be discussing any parallels moving on

Animal: jellyfish!! but really all sea creatures, especially the tentacled ones. they're all absolute freaks in the best ways.

Drink: generally tea (i think my blood is more tea than water by volume at this point) but especially boba tea but only if it's good, i'm outrageously picky about my boba tea

Song: ooof this is impossible. groove is in the heart is the one that feels most like "me" like if i were a wrestler that would be my walk on music, but there's SO many songs that i love it feels cruel to pick favorites. anything by queen, rhiannon by fleetwood mac, flamingo by kero kero bonito, blinding by florence but also every other song by florence, and lately francesca & first time by hozier and like a million more besides.

Season: summer because that's my birthday, but close second is fall cuz halloween and pumpkin spice and the best seasonal treats

Book: sooooo many but the arden st. ives series by alexis hall was the one where it did so many things i've wanted to read in stories for forever and it got its hooks in me so deep i immediately re-read the whole thing after i had finished. i think i've re-read it like four? or five times? at this point?? i want to print those books out and eat them page by page.

Colour: minty green!! the color of baja blast and pacific oceans and everything good and bright and happy and lovely in the world.

Hobby: i'm gonna take swirl's answer for this and say creating too :P most often writing but just as much painting or drawing (badly) or caligraphy-ing and a billion other various crafts and such

as always no specific tags but do it if you want to and tag me so i can see your answers!!!!

[vampiremilfs]

hiiii <3 big ask big answer is what i'm expecting would LOVE to know your top 5/faves across various media that are new(in release or just new to you) this year! so: shows, movies, games, books, songs/albums, new artists you've discovered etc

OMG AAAAA I LOVE THIS ASK

brief comment i wanted to make, but this was the year i finally took control of my mental health and went to go see someone about it so congratulations to me for finally breaking down the wall of "im fine" and allowing myself to admit that i could use some help. that aside, lets get into it! beware, possible spoilers

MOVIES

1. Nope (dir. Jordan Peele) - this movie surprised me so much and reflects a LOT of my views on performative/spectacle-like behavior in front of the Camera and the effects things like hollywood or social media could potentially have on people...not going to get into that but i just liked the movie alot okay

2. X (dir. Ti West) - love me some camp. love mia goth. i also really liked Pearl and cannot WAIT for MaXXXine, i am so ready

3. Cruel Intentions (dir. Roger Kumble) - i dont think 2022 was the first year i watched Cruel Intentions but everytime i watch it, it feels like something brand new...i am so compelled to read the book that its based on like seriously

4. Turning Red (dir. Domee Shi) - this is the only Disney movie that exists to me...the mother-daughter relationship portrayed here is just so personal

5. Kiki’s Delivery Service (dir. Hayao Miyazaki) - yeah im extremely late to watching this lol. i watched literally every other ghibli film growing up but somehow, in some way, skipped over Kiki. so i watched it over the summer as an adult and needless to say...yeah i missed out as a kid asjashd

6. American Psycho (dir. Mary Harron) - this is the funniest film ive seen this whole year. im not even kidding

TV SHOWS

1. Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul - never thought id enjoy a show about a middle-aged white male turning to meth production to make ends meet and becoming the most annoying character ever created, but here we are. loved it, and literally EVERYONE around walt deserved so much better (jesse, gus, johnny/saul, mike, skylar, marie, hank)

2. Ranma 1/2 - ive taken a break from watching new anime this year and started diving into older ones. i love ranma simply bc its a bit ahead of its time and is just so easy to digest. just a fun little show!!! a great way to take my mind off of shit

3. The Sandman - just found out recently that this was a DC comic so congrats to DC for successfully infiltrating my anti-superhero visual barrier LOL. anyways i am in dire NEED of the next season

4. You - PENN BADGLEY. thats all im going to say. im a huge fan of Gossip Girl (2007) and as soon as i saw him playing the lead character i RAN to watch the first season when it dropped. was not disappointed

5. The Witcher - ive never played the game lol but the show is so good...im not a fan of GoT (and therefore will never watch HotD) so this show p much fills the dark fantasy void for me

6. Bridgerton - im so glad i got over my weird distaste and finally gave this show a try...i see the hype, i see it!! and the show itself is so beautiful to look at, despite being historically innacurate or whatever

7. Gossip Girl (2007) - ive watched and rewatched this show a grand total of maybe like....20 times in my life total. rewatched it again this year. all six seasons. it never gets old despite being the most ridiculous insipid shit ever. im also currently watching the new version, and while i love the cast and maybe the soundtrack, it doesnt match up to the campy and fun vibe that the first one had. it takes itself way too seriously and the plot is almost nonexistent lol

but anyway, lets move on to music!! im skipping over books bc i have currently finished NONE from the book haul i had back in october.

MUSIC

just gonna list out a bunch of songs that have carried me thru the last half of this year :]

ass like that victoria monet / bang (my body) chase icon / meta angel fka twigs / wish i never kehlani / king for a day pierce the veil, kellin quinn / pass the nirvana pierce the veil / antagonist nova twins / gibson girl ethel cain / like a tattoo sade / the perfect pair beabadoobee / so it goes tamino / daybreak’s bell l’arc-en-ciel / colors flow / distant tevomxntana, cayo / grapefruit tove lo

sorry if this is extremely long. thanks for asking!!!!!! ❤️

[electrificata]

having music critic thots abt the weeknd im so so sorry

i saw the weeknd in concert last summer, it was amazing. i really dont like stadium shows usually, but his was killer, he had a cool stage concept (gently mad max-ish cult leader and his dancer-disciples, giant inflatable moon) and he's got the presence to fill up all that space. and ive been listening to him for almost a decade, obviously the music's there. actually the show i was at was where he debuted the trailer for the idol. its out now and i havent watched yet. i thought it looked cool then, but after everything ive heard.....im just really ambivalent.

in the early days, when he was keeping mysterious, no press, no photos, you didnt even know if the weeknd was a band or a guy. just this chilly, atmospheric, sleazy/sexy horror-movie r&b. nothing supernatural. but cruel. the lyrics were all about the worst kind of fuckboy shit, and obviously drugs, and the music really seemed to give proper weight to it. the speaker in the songs was awful, the music was telling you that his actions were violent and terrifying for the women he's hurting and for toxic for himself. if youre a person attracted to men, you know what its like to see how awful a guy can be and still be into him, maybe even BECAUSE of how awful he is. thats a fucking horror movie. those first xo eps are crazy, i still listen to them.

then he goes pop star. i remember the collab w/ ariana grande in 2014 was surprising but it found a perfect, plausible midpoint between their two universes. then he goes full max martin in 2015 with "can't feel my face" and again, bizarre to see this plausible way for the prince of darkness to get to the top 40 via a neo-michael jackson jam with a veiled drug reference as opposed to multiple explicit ones. but it made sense! he danced onstage now! i remember hearing it on the radio when i was picking my cousins up from middle school, that felt surreal.

and he just kept on doing the popstar thing. i dont think the sleaze ever really left, it just receded into the background. killer atmosphere, more pop hooks, a general darkness that felt credible coming from him because of the early stuff, its just lit with neon now. he gets increasingly more conceptual, which i love. i love a concept album. its still about fucked up relationships and now death more generally instead of drugs specifically. cool, great. i've been with him the entire time. that brings us up more-or-less to the present.

im not gonna recap all the shit around the idol, if you want it im sure theres an article or youtube video thatll do a better job than i can. ill just summarize my own thoughts: it feels like the sleaze is back, maybe some of the horror, but also Glamour. johnny depp's supermodel daughter has cum on her face. we're seeing headlines about how gross the sex scenes are. look how Glamorous this is. classic showbiz trick of using a cautionary tale about gross men preying on women to just....create images and narratives about gross men preying on women. this might be the place i cant follow him. i cant rule out watching it, i am a habitual hater and i might be in the mood to hate soon. but its making me think about the way we use glamour and beauty in entertainment. it cant be a default, it has an effect on the story.

[lesbianraskolnikov]

1, 3, 5, 13, 14, 26, 27, 28, 30 :) so many questions because i love you and music and knowing your music thoughts kiss kiss

GOOD HEAVENS kiss kiss :)

There is probably so many I could go to butummm lets see. Red and Gold MF DOOM... and Mint Car The Cure...

3. ERM... this is hard... even listened to a song earlier that made me think of summer but its usually really band adjacent... hmmm. Actually just got mind-bombarded by two. Three. Zamagi is a summer band for me but that might be cheating. Today by Dr Dog and Diablo Wednesday Campanella

5. All of them ever. Actually I can't settle on a song so all of them. Bass Heavy songs at the very least. Metal as a whole is pretty fun to blast though. My mind keeps wanting to say Hacker Death Grip for a singular song though.

13. This one is kind of cruel. I gotta choose from a whole decade? Sob. Ummm dance dance dance earth wind and fire can come in 🔥 i want to rewatch rock and rule that soundtrack was primarily pretty good. I want to cheat again because I do know the Parallelisme album had a hold on me for a bit.

14. 🥺i think we gotta play the 13th the cure but i could list so many. Really.

26.😏why koi ga shitai of course. I don't know if ive ever had a song that makes me feel that Specifically but i will have im falling in love so i attach to these songs. Just My Imagination The Tempations is really cute and encapsulates that feeling pretty well but also Lets Get Married mariya takeuchi makes me kick my feet a bit.

27. Complicated... I don't wanna go for Song that makes me sad because of the content matter. But I can CHEAT!!! Because songs can have crazy emotional impacts on me and no other question encompasses it better. Krazy World King Geedorah, Pirate Ships Robert Smith Demo whatever, Hail Piano Peter Cat Recording Co, Udom Sneha Sinn Sisamouth, Lazybones Soul Coughing, NAI!!! yura yura teikoku... I should move on now thank you.. NO WAIT PERFUMED GARDEN OF GULLIVER SMITH MARC BOLAN!!!

Wait I lied going in a rabbithole of songs that made me feel this way I think Heaven by Dr Dog is the perfect contender. It's fucking instrumental but I genuinely had to bar off that song all last year or else i WOULD cry. Dr Dog can do this to me I know Living a Dream did that for a long time still does.

28. THIS IS SO FUCKED UP. I feel like Singers are just such an important part of every band this is impossible. I genuinely could not give one single song because what just happened above would happen again HOWEVER I have to say there is such a charm to really early and rough recordings from any band ever, or at least any that we have demos and early work of. Their style and voice just haven't quite found where it wants to be yet, but it still sounds wonderful. Marc Bolan's voice in his early works make me smile a bit because you can hear his bob dylan impression and i think thats cute.

30. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i hate to be boring but i dont have any of those i really cant think of any. But by god could i associate Song with Story im writing dont even worry about it. At most some songs have resonated with me but I can't think of a literally me song </3

[side-account-writing]

Forget me

its been 3 years since ive seen my childhood friend lestat, 3 years since he left to paris ,sending me only a letter and leaving me with memories of sunny afternoons in the french country side with my dear friend with the beautiful blue eyes.

the seasons changed again, winter,spring,summer,autumn and winter again. i couldn't sleep that night, almost as if i felt in my heart something, something terrible has happened. the thunder outside made this no better, the stone walls of the castle shaked ,the candles brough no warmth. i walked carefully to the window ,trying to close it against the harsh winds but then they almost stopped themselves and i felt a ghostly presence behind me ''lestat?'' i say silently almost as if i knew, ''don't turn around, please'' he says silently his voice almost breaking, ''is this a dream?'' i whisper, ''no'' he answers coldly, ''lestat you said you wont come back here'' i answer, ''yes...i did'', ''why are you back?'', ''things didn't go as planned'' he says, his heavy boots make a sound as he walks, i turn around to the source of his voice but he disappears in to the shadows, ''come out of the shadows my love, please'' i say in concern, ''i cant'', ''you can!'' , ''no...not anymore'', but before lestat could notice i walked even closer to the curtains he hid behind ''don't'' he warns, ''les please don't be like this let me see you'' i move the curtain to find my old friend standing there, expensive clothes adorned his lean body, his eyes still blue yet somehow even more blue than ever, i reach out a trembling hand to his ''you are so cold'' i gasp, i didn't mean to, but his ice cold skin almost startled me ,''i am'' he says shortly and coldly but his cold skin doesn't stop me from entangling my hand in his, he lets out a shaky breath, ''has Paris been kind to you, my lovely lestat?'' i say softly as i try to pull him by the hand towards my room, ''for a while it was everything i dreamt of, and then..'' ,''and then?'' , ''and then i woke up'' his voice cracks slightly, bitterness in every sentence, ''maybe i am just damned'' he says silently. ''no one is truly damned, lestat don't say that'' his face still obscure to me in the shadows of my darkened room , ''no one but me'' his voice echoes.

''how can you say such a thing'' i say in shock, ''i am leaving the country, i am leaving France, i cant stay here anymore, i am boarding the ship and...i came to say goodbye'' he says quickly, as if it was something to check off the list, ''with Nicholas?''' i ask in a slight hopeful voice, maybe he and Nicki have plans to start a new life, ''no..no Nicki he..he is dead'' lestat says coldly, ''what?'' i feel a sharp pang in my heart ''poor Nicholas, what happened?'' tears well up in my eyes, ''uh..he..he got sick'' lestat answers, the pain in his voice evident, ''oh god lestat i am so sorry'' my heart breaks for the couple as i outstretch my arms inviting lestat for a hug, he swallows a deep breath as he reaches out as well, wrapping his cold hands around my waist, his head rests on my shoulder as he leads down, and small sobs fill the room, his sobs stain my nightgown crimson red and echo through the stone walls ,after minutes of inconsolable sobs he lifts his head from my shoulder, my hands still tangled in his long golden hair

''you must forget me for eternity'' he says, not even looking in to my eyes'', ''how can you say such a cruel thing?'' my own tears fall in to my cheeks , ''i must be cruel to you so you wont look for me, don't ever, do you hear me, ever look for me, forget me ,go live your life, i am dead to you, to everyone you understand?'' he grabs my shoulders ,his voice firm and full of urgency, ''no no i wont, i refuse lestat!'' , lestat sighs in annoyance ''foolish girl'' he spits out, ''foolish? foolish? i refuse to forget you! how can anyone even try!'' i cry out, lestat wipes his crimson tears from his eyes, the first time i notice ,he cries blood ''is this ..blood'' i say concerned, ''there are many thing you wont understand, and don't try to, i told you i am damned'' he turns around, i come closer putting a hand on his shoulder ''what happened in Paris, tell me, you are cold to the touch, you cry blood, Nicholas is dead and you beg me to bury you'' i say in slight frustration, lestat lets out a sigh ''there was a creature, like from a nightmare, he stole me from my room in paris as i slept. for days he kept me, tortured me, drained me, and then...'' he paused ''and then he turned me in to one like him...a creature of darkness and craving of blood'' ,''what?'' ''a vampire,i am a vampire that's why you must forget me before you get hurt, i will outlive you for this burden is eternal and you must move on'' ,''cursed in to the darkness forever?'' i whisper, ''yes'' he says plainly now more calmly.

''you can't just leave like this lestat'' i turn him gently to face him ''give me something that will make this easier, and ill bury you my sweet lestat'' ,and just before i could finish talking he kissed me ,his lips surprisingly warm and gently ,his breath cold, he kisses me like a lover, with longing. when he breaks away i pull him closer to my bed ,he leans in to me as he kisses me again and again, ''my sweet lestat'' i say in a whispery tone, he breaths heavily as i move my neck, suddenly his eyes darken at the sight, his lip twitches ,his parted lips reveal two sharp white fangs, i let out a shaky breath, he almost looked lion like as he traced his gaze to my neck, ''les'' i let out another shaky breath but before i could finish my words he lowered his face to my pulse point, it all happened too quickly, his fangs tore to my skin, i let out a gasp and then a moan as he sank the sharp teeth in to my neck. the pain was sudden and i couldn't speak , my body was paralyzed under his weight, i gasp more as he pins me down to the bed.

the blood staining the sheets red, his body becoming warmer and warmed as mine becomes colder and the sharp pain in my neck makes me almost pass out. the blood loss makin me dizzy ''stop'' i beg with my last breath, those words seem to awaken lestat from his trance as he lifts his blood covered mouth ,he breaths heavily, suddenly he snaps out of it . he sees me laying on the bed losing breath, losing blood, bleeding out in to the sheets, in the morning the maids will find me without a drop.

''shhh don't don't struggle, you'll feel better soon'' lestat whispers in my ear, ''I'm going to do something which will make you hate me for ever, and i mean it, forever'' he continues to whisper, ''i could never hate you sweet lestat'' i say weakly, ''if i leave now, you'll die and go to heaven as you deserve and we will never meet again, but if i stay and save you then you will forever be cursed and you'll hate me as the fate of all fledglings to hate their makers'' he says ,a hint of sadness in his voice. ''i don't ...i don't want to go to heaven if i never get to see you again, heaven without you would not be heaven at all'' i cry, ''fine'' he sinks his fangs again as i gasp again, now slowly my life force leaves me, like the breath in my lungs, my body no longer belongs to me. i look at the stone ceiling ,is that it, dying by the hands of lestat feels way too lovely, and then comes another sensation, his wrist makes contact with my mouth, a warm liquid ,slightly metallic in taste, slightly sweet, like a fine wine on my lips, like honey, lestats blood rushes through my system. and i begin to hear his heart like a drum , i am so lost in the sensation until he pulled away from my mouth. i lay on the bed gasping ,opening my eyes to the new world i was now apart of. and the first thing i saw as a newborn vampire, my maker lestat, his golden hair almost shines now, his skin glows, he was mesmerizing and i belonged to him now for eternity.

i sat up on my bed, my white nightgown had no resemblance to white as it was soaked in red blood, i come closer to my maker, climbing in to his lap, i never felt such strong hunger , i want to devour him ,to tear him apart, my fangs tingle in my mouth, more more more i want more of lestat, i never craved anyone more, he made me and now as it was the fate of a fledgling i was ready to tear him apart, i sank my fangs in to his soft flesh ,with moans and gasps now from him, i drank ''easy now my sweet'' he pulls me gently from his neck ''more'' i say ,i never felt such hunger ,''you will have more, but you must be patient'' he brushes the hair off my face and kisses me again, the taste off my blood on his lips and the taste of his blood on mine.

[soundscapesystem]

alex:

recently we have found 2 new alters. i think new isnt quite right here tho because both have been around for quite a while but we didnt know about them. it has only been very recently they started fronting. i think they are both introjects of other children who were hurt alongside us. they are both still very difficult to communicate with. they dont seem to have any current amnesia walls as we can typically recall most of what they did while theyre were out. its of course fuzzy feeling but at least legible. however only one of us has shared any trauma memories and it is only one although i am certain they have many more. i think they were both split around the same time to hold similiar memories as that tends to be how our system forms. im still really nervous to say outloud what i think the source of their split is. its something that has been in the back of our head for a long time as a potential factor in the abuse but only recently have we been overcome by thoughts of it and now these two showing up seems to confirm this fear. i may talk abt it in depth another time but i still dont think im ready to say it for sure to more than my absolute closest friends. fall is always so hard for us. it sucks. i love the fall. i love halloween and the weather is so much nicer, but i can feel the shift to fall in my gut and ive never understood exactly why. i have my suspicion that the abuse didnt take place as often during the summer. during the summer my house was so much more lively with all of my siblings there, and when they were there my mom laid off the drugs and so my dad didnt drink quite as much either. everything was always happier in the summer. when fall rolled in and my siblings went back to their mom it all got so dark again. i think thats why. its so cruel, honestly, that my favorite season is also incredibly triggering.

anyway. i dont know if i have any active followers anymore, so i dont know if anyone will read this, but to those that do thank you for sticking with us.

[mondo-grosso]

oh lord i couldn't care less about taylor swifts songs but every now and then my mind goes IT'S NEW THE SHAPE OF YOUR BODY IT'S BLUE THE FEELING IVE GOT AND ITS OOHH WHOOAAAA ITS A CRUEL SUMMER

[horriblenightmare]

evil ravine

for this dream there was like a prequel that i could remember dreaming/having had happen before but i dont think it actually did that was just part of the dream. anyway the basic premise was that at this summer camp / school (combination of both, i used to attend both of these places) there was this weird ravine/crevasse out in the woods (like a usual hillside ravine but with more cravasse-like features) and kids from the place would explore it but it was supernaturally easy to get lost in and people would go missing for days and come back basically possessed. so I know this has been going on because of thtat prequel situation. I go out there, and im like following around this (totally made up) girl whos trying to go exploring (vibes of amigawa fault, like knowing its your doom kinda shit) and sipping this mason jar of salad dressing that my girlfriend made (its in the fridge rn) but in the dream ive laced it with shrooms, somehow. and im like viciously mocking this girl whos trying to descend deeper down these leaf-covered (its fall) steep slopes into the ravine. and I know that I cant talk her out of it or appeal to reason but what I can do is keep her attention on me, so im like saying evil cruel things and taunting her and its like she cant really see me, even though I’m right in front of her and its sunny-ish out. anyway she keeps descending even though im distracting her and eventually I give up and walk back up this slippery leaf covered slope. and theres this fucking chipmunk following me around and kind of talking to me but not like vocally, and its taunting Me the same way I was taunting her but I’m leaving and I’m walking back to camp/campus and I’m on this old logging/utility access road (still sipping my salad dressing (did that last night irl its good salad dressing)) and i walk past these power line guys who are standing around a white work truck with a lifter on it and theyre drinking and eating lunch and I dont talk to them but they notice me and they know where I’ve been. and the chipmunk is still following me. but I go a little further and get to this place where the guys have been working to build like metal grille walkways over this area of crevasses and boulders (different place than the other one but kinda the same too, maybe just a different section of it) and theres a bunch of kids there from school/camp all climbing over these mazelike walkways that go up and down and all over the place. and im just trying to cross it and the chipmunk isnt following me anymore thank god. and then i get back to this one field thats like almost the same as one at my old school. and a bunch of kids from the camp/school are gathered there and its a panicky mood, same feeling as like a fire drill when you dont know if its real. because some kids apparently are lost (probably in the ravine) and i see my sibling and their ex-gf walking through the crowd looking for someone named sarah and they think they found her but it turns out its her twin and then they find her and (shes transgender (clocky)) and then they like try to talk to her but shes not responding normally shes like muted and far off and. she got lost in the ravine and got possessed. Then its like flash back to the prequel dream and im following my sibling and their ex-gf in the cravasse but i cant see its like minecraft blindness and i know that im walking in the leaves and i can hear them and their footsteps and theyre reaching for my hand and im reaching for theirs and they should be well within reach but i reach out and i cant reach them and its just dark and i cant feel anything but the leaves and the slope underfoot.

[tears-that-ricochet]

💙 it’s blue, the feeling i’ve got 💙