#this entire week feels like a bit much | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rowenabean · 2 years ago

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#still full of emotions this morning #turns out that when you have a Big Emotion it does make it harder to sleep even if the Big Emotion is only that big because hungry tired #work today feels like a bit too much #this entire week feels like a bit much #but for some mysterious reason admin left my book shut/haven't been booking patients on Friday so maybe i will take the opportunity for #a random day of annual leave #please pray for today?#also for my big decision which has become tied up in these emotions and which i am hoping to come to something tomorrow

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benevolenterrancy · 1 month ago

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Scholarly peak is catching up on recent literature

#bingqiu #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #svsss #sqq #lbh #my art #which is honestly just to say that i've finished the other two print books i was reading #and am now prepared to leap feet first into svsss bk4 #i succeeded in holding off for an entire two weeks. i have the conviction of a wet paper towel.#lets see bk4 was described as - what? - an ''angst and smut pile''??#i am very much looking forward to this #i was promised a story with my snake boy #because i am very much not over zhuzhi-lang's fate so this had better be A REALLY NICE HAPPY ONE FOLKS #anyway have sqq and lbh cuddling and reading as i project on them #i like to assume that as time goes on sqq is able to relax his persona a bit more around lbh #i think he should get to cuddle and bitch about shitty novels #but man sqh is really the ONLY source of any books that have an even slightly modern cadence/style i have a feeling sqq would be very keen #though if i'm being honest i really wonder if sqh could ever bring himself to write fiction again #if you're A Writer it tends to be hard to RESIST you just get an itch to tell a story #but also like... the fear that all of this could happen again... or that the characters you're creating might be REAL and SUFFERING...#yeah... i honestly suspect he can't write anymore and that it honestly probably sucks a lot... but for the sake of this joke he is :P

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year ago

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There is a platonic explanation for all this. Right?

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #[accidental kiss] is a purposeful misspelling to reference an old meme. I will blast anyone who tries to correct me with the crunchiest png #The kiss looks like wwx is biting lwj's cheek....It *does* have the consistency of a soft marshmallow so he's not in the wrong.#Once again: wwx was never *ever* oblivious to the implications of the situation. On the contrary: this entire scene + the prior shows-#that he very much understands that this looks gay to the viewers.#He just doesn't think its possible to be loved like that. *Especially not by Lan Zhan.*#Do people forget that LWJ had 13 years to process his feelings VS WWX's (give or take) week?#This is the moment he realizes wwx has feelings and he HATES HIMSELF FOR IT. He feels like he's betraying lwj's trust!#The demi feeling of having spent so long in a comfortable platonic relationship and then getting struck by the 'oh shit' moment.#Its not a soft 'Oh' - Its a 'Oh god they are going to hate me and I can't bear that. I need to be so normal about this or else'.#Pour one out for all of us who've had to go through the trials of trying to conceal the painful realization of deeper affections.#Anyway. *both* lwj and wwx fall in love kicking and screaming and miserable and clawing at the walls about it.#Continuity acknowledgement: wwx's hands are unbound at this point but I had a hellish time with blocking and this was a bit easier.

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gophergal · 1 year ago

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Life on the farm

#gopher art #mortal kombat #subscorp #mk subzero #mk scorpion #kuai liang #hanzo hasashi #mortal kombat legends #been holding onto this one for a bit! finished it more than a month ago lol #i was originally going to save it for subscorp week but then i was like. nah. that wouldnt be entirely fair lol #and besides. ive been wanting to share it for long enough and my resolve has kinda worn down #anyway - snowblind but AU'd! heres my concept of this (which i may use later on for something idk): king kano got his shit wrecked #like way before the events of the movie. by the revenants in fact. i want him torn to shreds. you still have random roving assholes #making trouble across the wastes. but its much less dire. kuai still retires to his farm. kenshi still falls for shang tsung's bullshit #and kuai mentors him. hanzo becomes warlord of netherrealm. BUT. he and kuai keep in contact. its long distance and they make it work #sometimes scorpion vacays to Kuai's farm. as a treat. thats what this drawing is #i cant deny that i literally just want them to be happy ok. thats literally all i want for these gay old ninjas #bonus commentary: at the time of drawing this i was still figuring out how i wanted to draw hanzo. he's so fucking hard to draw #when i draw him without his mask or beard he looks so fucking off. but if i draw him with the beard it feels weird too.#babygirl why are you so hard to draw?? dont you want me to draw you?????

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hella1975 · 5 months ago

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so there's a reason my new job got back to me so quickly about my application and that's bc it's an absolute fucking shambles like actually perfect timing for me to decide to rewatch the bear bc i have never more felt like ive been thrown into a broke on-its-knees establishment trying to crawl its way up the ladder where i am somehow a godsend to them. my old job was crazy and shambolic in the sense that the industry is just Like That but this one?????? insanity. every 5 mins i am questioning what im doing with my life. ive already had a walk-in fridge moment

#so i explained before that there's 3 venues and on my very first shift they had me doing the restaurant venue for 2 hours #which was FINE like i was a bit cautious bc my manager is VERY stressed all the time and the place generally feels like it's falling apart #not the building itself just. the way it's run like it's just got new owners and the previous manager apparently #EMPTIED THE TILLS AND TRASHED THE PLACE like cost them THOUSANDS of pounds and on top of that #there was beef with the head chef and the new owners that meant he left and took the ENTIRE BACK OF HOUSE WITH HIM #THERE ARE NO KITCHEN STAFF ATM. I HAVE TO LIE AND TELL CUSTOMERS WE DONT HAVE FOOD ATM BC OF 'REFURBISHMENT'#WHEN IN ACTUALITY THE /RESTAURANT/ DOESNT HAVE CHEFS. DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT IS #and then the front of house staff are very lacking aside maybe 2 people we're ALL NEW and all of them EXCEPT ME #LIKE LITERALLY JUST ME IM THE ONLY EXCEPTION. ALL OF THEM ARE UNTRAINED #so when i applied with bar training coffee training and very solid waitressing skills they genuinely treated me like a saviour #like i am FENDING off shifts tbh im in a v good position bc they need me too much to get shitty w me if i refuse hours but i can literally #have as many as i want bc they will just give me them. like they're obsessed w me im rota'd for over 60 hours this week #but anyway that very first shift after 2 hours in the restaurant i then walked to the mini golf venue on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN #and my manager stayed for 30 MINUTES. IF THAT. and showed me around the place + how to close THEN LEFT ME THERE #FIRST DAY HE GAVE ME THE KEYS AND LEFT ME TO RUN AN ENTIRE VENUE. IT'S NOT SMALL EITHER IT'S A WHOLE BAR #AND I HAD TO CLOSE ON MY OWN TOO and ironically the shift itself went rlly well like it was so chill #it was kinda boring but honestly i kinda rated it it's v easy money and the close went perfectly nothing cropped up that i was unsure about #and then. AND THEN. i havent even ranted to my mutuals about this yet bc i was acc so horrified by it but i locked the front doors #and went to lock the gate AND THE KEY GOT STUCK IN THE LOCK. WOULD NOT COME OUT. HELLA VS KEYS ROUND 3927593 #my mum even showed up and tried to help me wrestle this thing out i called my manager and he literally told me to just snap it #bc he'd rather a snapped key that NO ONE could get out than just leave it there overnight but bc of my recent house key moment #i was like AM I FUCK SNAPPING THIS KEY. WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. so i had to just leave it and at the time #i was realllyyyyyyyyyy beating myself up but my manager is actually rlly nice he's just stretched v thin #and ive also had time to be like uhh actually they shouldnt have left a random 21 y/o girl alone with the keys on her first day #omg i havent even talked about what happened on saturday. ACTUAL SHAMBLES #LIKE THIS /\/\ ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO EVERYTHING! IM RUNNING OUT OF TAG ROOM! IM GONNA REBLOG THIS TONIGHT W MORE PROBABLY!#BC GUESS WHO IS WORKING A CLOSE LATER AT THE NIGHTCLUB THEN OPENING THE RESTAURANT AT 8AM. GUESS #hella slaves to capitalism

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phagodyke · 1 month ago

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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man #thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking #mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they #dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done #listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life #i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this #once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i #dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this #ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be #i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about #how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being #given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out #entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please #its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have #to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once #and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general #feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this #but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is #i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired #i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if #i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore #i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr #and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning #my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better #it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood #my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it #cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen #.vent #ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.

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across-stars · 5 months ago

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(he's autistic to me)

#master sol #my gifs #only tagging this as sol for reasons #but fine to rb #he's probs just flustered but his mannerisms during this entire scene were so recognisable for me #during the whole talk when i first saw this scene and of course looking back it makes more sense why he avoided eye contact that much #but still let me hc my favs #this gif is bad quality but i'm too tired to get my laptop with my gif editing software aka capcut rn #but it's not really abt the gif itself anyway but more about my association #feeling kinda weird abt posting this since i'm still waiting for my assesment and actually i don't think it's autism after all so maybe #i should hold off on posts like this since if i'm indeed not autistic then i have just been making assumptions based on limited online info #and some stuff my tutor told me - at least he knows actual autistic ppl as opposed to me and has more nuanced knowledge #but it was literally the thought that immediatly came to me bc the way he avoided eyecontact is very familiar to me #so me thinking of him as autistic is based on similarlty to myself except if i'm not autistic then it's just cherry picked stuff about myse #that fits a cliche so yeah kinda meh #anyway a bit of a rant #should be assessed in a few weeks time now hopefully

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monards · 5 months ago

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everytime i find out someone has assumed i had a crush on them because i treat them with (normal) platonic affection i die a little inside. i fear people have unnormalized just being decent and kind a little *too* much

#it is a tiny bit worse when they take things i did to be nice or make them feel better in that way. please!!#i just want!! to make you feel a bit better about yourself !!!! not that !!!! stop !!!! no!!!!!!!!!!! shoo !!! away !!!!!!!!!!!#-> in people's defense. i dont really have those same shames when it comes to assuring your friends or family you love them.#so that probably makes things feel different.#which i still think is odd!!! love is universal!!!!#-> also. most romantic songs ive listened to dont end up interpreted romantically in my little head LMFAHFSHOO #so that could also be it #(crepe chronic addiction to telling people songs remind her of them backfires on her)#;; sorry guys! i have a joyfriend that i love more than the world! please have those thoughts go away! pretty please! ew !#LMADSGHDOASO #-> ALSO !!!!!!!! this was not meant negatively!!!!!!!!!!!! it just makes me uncomfortable when people assume. its not their fault entirely #just feels abit icky. and odd. for people to have assumptions like that without any basis #i have been in love a total of two times in my life. ido not think im the slightest bit in *LOVE* you when i speak to you twice a week #-> slightly offtopic im glad i dont have to worrya bout confessions anymore with the fact i make my sexuality & status fairly clear #id kill myself if another man talked to me like that #i have an extreme curse.#and making sure i have the lesbian flag on any of my belongings has largely saved me #(for the most part)#crepe rambles #((none of this applies to mylovely joyfriend. i loveyou very much and your interpretations are always perfect. hi #you can assume all you want because you know me and are not weird in any capacity about me. 💜 muchappprecation

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topicaltropic · 5 months ago

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oops! all wips

#dndads #1st img is morgan . tried to solidify the type of person that would marry glenn & jodie and its like #manic pixie dream girl meets wife under bedsheets. fun loving carefree extremely irresponsible i imagine shes as much a bad mom as glenn is #a bad dad #close family dinner for each day of the week #i imagine its very depressing cool for kids sad for adult/college life meals #i had like a pmv/animatic of tmbg erase to nicks everything but ill never finish it sadge!#comic in the middle i was gonna do like a immediately after the final where willys defeated and schools out for summer norm and scary run #into eachother while theyre walking home #and scary would ask whats wrong and normal would be like #well knowing that the entire world ended because of me has been sort of weighing #on me yeah“ and then scary would go ”normal...do you wish that *was* the reason?“ which would lead normal getting dumbstuck cuz she hits #the nail on the hammer. and then hes incredibly defensive and hes like uh b buh NO !!! MAYBE !!! and scary would share her experience #but itd make normal more resentful cuz hed be like well it all worked out for you in the end with you and your dad and you mom who all love #you. and then scary would get irked and start to call him out but then now that the bottles been uncorked his resentment would start #spilling out.#“you burned my house down! i thought it was *my* family that had the connection with the doodler ! but why- when- ”#and normal would be so frustrated and he couldnt get his words out and hed refuse to look at scary while she looks at him w/ the hardest #look of conflicted sympathy and pain #and all she could say would be stop comparing yourself to me and shed mean that in the most compassionate way possible and norm would just #be like i know #and then the bus would come and scary would have to go but shed look back and then be like “am i still coming over saturday to play #and him busy crying would just give a thumbs up #god now that i write this out maybe i will draw it i have a little bit of time left why not #to me i think scarys someone normal would have the easiest time being mean to #one because of his latent misogyny and this like unconscious superciliousness he holds towards her yet shes the one receiving the #validation he sorely craves and knowing if theres anyone he could talk to and whos understand what hes going through its her so though he #isnt able to be emotionally vulnerable or engage in a deeper level but he does feel comfortable enough to lash out at her #last pic is if nick woke up post doodlerized and found himself on cassandras couch (where the teens placed him) and shes there to greet him

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eggmeralda · 6 months ago

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do you ever feel casually suicidal? like you're not depressed or anything you're doing fine but also it feels like a convenient option

#if you can't make connections with people or be seen by anyone then like. at least you can feel like you're helping a better cause #to like charities and gfms and anyone else #but you have to tone that down bc you're slowly losing money bc you still can't get a job #and bc you don't have a job it means you're just stuck in the house all day. which gives Way Too Much opportunity to Think about everything #and also so like. i still share a room with my sister but it was fine bc she'd stay at her bf's a few nights a week #but he's got a job that's a bit further away and basically she can't go round his as much. so now it's maybe like once a week #the room is getting messier so it gives me less energy to do anything #you can get really into an unhealthy weight loss obsession bc at least it feels like you're getting towards something #but idek is set weight theory real? bc once i get down to a certain point it suddenly resets #like honestly counting calories and donating money to every gfm i saw and writing a film script was what kept me going #but first one isn't working and second i need some sort of income and third is finished and i have no way of actually creating it #and then there's the whole lack of stable hyperfixation and ability to find new music i enjoy #and realistically what would fix me is having a good job that i enjoy and somewhere to live on my own #but until i get a job that's currently impossible. and even then it probably won't feel like enough #my entire life is lived on my phone i need more physical objects but i don't have enough space #bc i share a room with my sister. it's like all my problems are connected #and i have enough optimism that i still think it'll get better in the next few weeks. maybe i'll be able to get a job and that'll #get everything going again #but at the same time i could easily just die #I've graduated from uni. I've seen the who live 3 times. I've crashed my car twice. I've watched 30 years of corrie. I've met various dogs #what else is there to do with my life honestly #(<- joking)#but yeah like. in summer 2021 i almost got suicidal (it was just letting the occasional thought linger in my mind etc)#but that was bc i was so depressed #but now it feels like i could just kill myself. but more just out of convenience #idek. i'm not gonna kill myself. bc i have a job interview on tuesday. and just in general i won't #but there is this casual feeling of like. well i might as well. i can't describe it #ramble #suicide tw #weight loss mention

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doedipus · 7 months ago

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a large amount of time I've been spending on -untitled undefined scope original fiction project- since the last time I posted about it has been trying to develop the protagonist concept I came up with last summer or whatever into like, a character that would feel real and era appropriate.

it's fun research to do. naturally a lot of the details I assigned to her are things that I already think are cool, so it's been a lot of fun trying to trace her traits back through the relatively recent past, getting reminded of how much things have changed, or where the gaps in my intuition are, and then doing a flurry of reading to get a sense for exactly how someone like her and the people around her could have happened and what her life was probably like leading up to her present day. hopefully this results in some good good verisimilitude.

#I wrote a short story from her perspective over the holidays and then didn't know how to continue it #and then I got distracted by real life stuff for a few months #I forget if I posted about that #and then I've been picking through archive dot org for the last few weeks looking at this stuff #the last big rabbit hole was trying to get a better feel for era appropriate ts/tv subculture #the current one I'm looking at is how she would've gotten into language learning and how that would've worked #nettle has been prodding me about the setting thing lately so I've been thinking about that more too #probably the biggest hurdle by far is figuring out how I want to play that #and how I want the thing to be divided up #since the original coc scenario I'm developing this out of is centered on a flight from LA to honolulu #and the airport dungeon was definitely meant to be a hook for a larger campaign #some amount of it is going to cover protag lady's failed life in LA and some of it is going to be worse things happening in hawaii #but it's like. how much do I want to balance it one way or the other #and realistically how much does the aesthetics of 20th century air travel add to the story #besides me personally thinking it's compelling ofc #a lot of what I find compelling about hawaii is that it's an east/west cultural crossroads and realistically that's also true of socal #and I can wax poetic about socal as much as I want without worrying all that much about mishandling something #and there's also a lot of socal specific history along similar parallels to pull from that I'm more familiar with #I guess it comes down to whether curiosity re: 'doing it right' is enough of a motivator to do the increased amount of research #which I guess it has so far with the above character details. so hopefully that will continue #but it also feels like using machine translation a bit yknow. it's hard to know how effectively I'll be able to sanity check #although depending on where this goes I might be able to get other people involved to sensitivity read down the line #with most of the creative things I do I just have a tendency to always rely really heavily on figuring things out myself #I also want protag lady to have a Cool Car and idk how to get that from point a to point b narratively #this is like an entire second or third post's worth of tags but I don't feel like unfucking this so whatever. suffer. I guess.

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sluttyten · 7 months ago

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yall I want TDS3 tickets so badly 😭 but I don't know who to even go with and I'm not going by myself.... but I'm also seriously thinking I'm just gonna go ahead and try to get tickets on friday anyway

#last year i went with my mom and she enjoyed it #but im not entirely sure she wants to go again #and then my best friend doesn't like kpop at all lmao #but I don't know i might be able to get her to go w me but #i dont know how she'll feel about the traveling in chicago by ourselves thing #bc when we last went there together for a concert we were with her ex and he did the driving #so my last option is my brother lol because i asked the other day if he wants to go to chicago #and he did say yes so i told him attendance at the concert is mandatory #kpop is also absolutely not his genre of music #even though he listens to a little bit of a lot of stuff like country and pop and broadway musicals #like dude you'd love the theatrics of kpop and the gaybaiting they do? thats something he might like #and then one of my choices was my moms best friend bc she said after she saw my moms videos of tds2 #that she wanted to go see a kpop concert because she loves showmanship so she saw the eras tour and #fell in love so i think she would like kpop. she loved the wrist light things TS did so lightsticks are definitely #something she'd enjoy and the choreography #i really think it's just the language barrier that's preventing my brother and best friend from wanting to go #and the language barrier that keeps my mom and her best friend from probably enjoying the music as much #because my mom loved one direction so a kpop boyband isn't too far off from that #oh also i think my friend will tell me no because i've already turned her down for plans like a week or two before that #because i won't have PTO to use at work because i'll have just gotten back from a vacay that uses i all #and then i'm gonna turn around and take 2 days off for a concert (travel time sucks)

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kingdomoftyto · 1 month ago

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Reading GF fic is such a trip because one minute it'll be like "the brothers have a heart-to-heart about how they've wronged each other" and the next it's like "everyone is saved from a chupacabra attack by the princess of the manatees" and then sometimes it's like "here's some weird nightmare alien porn" before eventually the looming mystery gets solved like: