#this cultural habit is just one of those things I’ve actually spent a lot of time thinking about

[rebelsandtherest]

Granted, I’ve not seen the video, but I can imagine pretty clearly what it must’ve looked like. The fact that they were just openly staring seems mega creepy. I feel bad for the guys just trying to to about their day.

For what it’s worth, the whole culture of approaching and talking to strangers can be very regional here in the US. I grew up in the south, where it was not unusual for my mother to start a long, friendly conversation with the grocery store clerk, and having complete strangers compliment my shirt, or my hair or something like that. Now, I’ve lived on the east coast for the better part of a decade and whenever I go visit my parents, that particular thing is always jarring. East coast culture is very much “mind your own damn business”. That being said, even east coast Americans are more willing to go up and say hi than in many countries, but relative to other US regions, it’s far less accepted here. I know people are probably tired of Americans offering this opinion, but this really is one of those things where it’s helpful to just imagine each state as it’s own country with unique social norms and such. I could approach a stranger in Texas and become friends by the end of the evening with an invite to dinner the next week, while if I tried the same thing in, say, NYC or Boston, I’m most likely going to be told to fuck off. It’s all about location and context.

Also maybe this is just my experience cause I’ve never really attracted random male attention, but if someone came up to me or my friends asking for our number I would call that borderline harassment. Like what the hell, man, leave us alone. It’s bad enough if it’s at a bar, but just on the street???? What the hell! Girls don’t like being ogled by random dudes on the street, I can’t imagine guys enjoy it all that much either.

I saw a video of some american girls in denmark looking at danish men walking down the street and they seemed so surprised that none of them paid attention to them...they were sitting outside at a restaurant. The comment section was full of people saying that it's not that they are not pretty, it's just how scandinavians are, they don't approach people the same way americans do, but all I could think about was; do americans really just walk up to random people's table and ask for their number or what?? because that would give me so much anxiety😭

I saw that same video and thought it was strange that the girls were openly staring at them?? Idk it just seemed so creepy to me, and the idea that in the USA you could be minding your own business just for someone to walk up and put you on the spot like that?? 😮‍💨 No thank you, no thank you-

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hey Sex Witch!

I am a gay cis man, and while I don’t consider myself ace, I find it difficult to feel either romantic or sexual attraction to other men. Now, I’ve spent most of my time around straight men, and most of my queer friends are women. I also didn’t have any out queer friends at all until well into my adult life, largely through lack of access. Porn was basically the only source of sexual gratification for me.

I suspect that a fear of rejection/physical assault led me to overcorrect and just assume that all men around me were inexorably off limits during my formative years. Which, while not GREAT, did offer me some emotional and physical protection. I now live in San Francisco though, but while I’ve visited the Castro many times, I still can’t quite break out of the “everything is platonic by default” and feel the emotional sting of desire that I feel when I look at a male pornstar. (This is despite despite the fact that the men in these bars are at least as attractive as the men on the screen - I can say “This guy ticks all the boxes I find appealing” but still feel like any prospective spark is being smothered. I understand some of it is the fear of being “the creepy predatory gay” (thanks Popular Culture!) but I also just find my brain going into the platonic interaction zone before I’ve even considered making eye contact.

(For the record, I don’t blame the porn. “Porn addiction” is, ironically, quite the fresh load. I’m as sure as I can be that this is just late-stage pragmatic sexual repression refusing to die completely.)

Do you have any recommendations for normalizing (renormalizing?) sexual attraction and potential chemistry? If so, I’d love to hear!!

hi anon,

I have a question: you mention that you go to "platonic interaction zone" before you even make eye contact. what happens after that? do you ever actually talk to these men? based on your statements about growing to think of all men as off-limits and fears of coming across as predatory, I worry that maybe you don't.

it sounds like, more than anything, what you need is some practice initiating interactions with people who strike you as cool and attractive and interesting to get to know better, particularly in gay settings where the risk of hitting on someone who will respond with homophobia is very low.

I'm not talking about flirting or pickup lines or waltzing right up to someone and announcing sexual interest, I just mean approaching and striking up conversation. give them a compliment, ask a question, offer to buy a drink or an appetizer, whatever. just, you know, talk to them and give them an opening to talk to you back. deepen that conversation if it's going well, and politely bail if it turns out you don't click.

the worst thing that can happen is a bit of awkward conversation, which happens to everyone all the time anyway and is more or less the price of being human, so no real loss there. the best thing that can happen is that you meet a new best friend or a great romantic love. the middle ground between those two points is a thrilling mix of potential dynamics, none of which you'll ever discover if you never put yourself out there.

back to your idea of the platonic interaction zone: I get what you're saying, but I also think a lot of unintentional hurt can come from the idea that there's anything fundamentally different about approaching someone in a platonic manner vs a sexual/romantic one. either way, the goal is to make a good impression on another person and learn more about them to assess them as potential company.

making a habit of approaching people to chat can also help dispel that sense of being creepy or predatory. every time you have a perfectly pleasant interaction with someone, boom, there's another reminder that you're not a criminal of the heart who's skeezing everyone out. hell, if anything you'll actually get better at picking up cues by regularly talking to a wider variety of people - and, if you're ever in doubt, just ask and give them the option to continue the interaction on their terms. "hey, it seems like you wanted to get back to your friends. should I go?" "you can be honest: would you rather keep sitting alone? no hard feelings!" "I'm gonna pop outside for some air, do you want to keep talking when I come back?"

now at this point you're probably saying "hey Makenzie how does this apply to sex and romance" because you still have to talk to people that you want to do sex and romance with!!! and you'd be amazed how easily striking up a friendly conversation can turn into sex and/or romance. very often the thing that makes people most attractive is getting to know more about them and finding little things that excite you and draw you to them. sure, they're good-looking, but you're never going to find out about their very cute laugh or their passion for cooking or your mutual interests unless you actually go talk to them.

and hey, listen: knowing that someone was interested enough to take the plunge and start a conversation is a great feeling. someone confessing interest right up front, that's good shit. people like to feel seen and wanted. but very few people want to be the one to take the plunge, so being bold enough to do so automatically sets you apart.

you're smothering your own spark, babe. next time a guy is ticking all your boxes, get out of your own way, tell him you're digging the vibe, and see what happens next.

[tosin-talks]

Tosin Talks about the neverending game

It’s been a long time and a lot has happened within that time frame that’s taken a lot of my attention. There’ve been significant new developments in my personal life. There have also been fun things going on in my professional life. I began my practical experience as a student counselor in February. Being a counselor has surprisingly been the most comfortable role to shift into as well as one of the most meaningful roles. I’m immensely grateful to be entrusted with such an important job and thankful to those who have shared a piece of themselves or their story with me. 

I have just 5% of my master’s degree to complete! When I began the program two years ago, I wholeheartedly thought that it would take me forever to finish and there were days that I really wanted to drop out…and by that, I mean every single day! I received a passing score on the exit exam on my first try so that was a relief! I’ve been consistently receiving good grades these past few semesters.

Another super cool thing that I did since my last Tosin Talk was publish a children’s book! I wrote a children’s book called Tiny Tim that talks about navigating big feelings and creating positive narratives about your emotions and experiences. It’s being sold on the Barnes & Noble website and on Amazon. It’s still surreal to say that I have a children’s book published on websites and storefronts that I frequent…it feels even more of a dream to know that people are actually reading and enjoying it! It’s so rewarding as a creative when your work gets noticed. The book was initially a class project and with some encouragement from my professor and colleagues and collaboration with a brilliant illustrator, I published a book! 

Anyway…what’s next? 

That’s genuinely how quick I move on from my accomplishments sometimes. I don’t sit in my success for long enough, I even make myself feel bad for not having a seemingly bigger accomplishment. I remember sobbing when I won a silver medal at an international science fair because I diminished its importance and only focused on how I could’ve done better.

The week after I released Tiny Tim was spent self-loathing. I was so hypercritical of the work that I put out into the world. I was beating myself up for not making it “perfect” despite not really knowing what the perfect children’s book was. I imagined the faces of people I loved and admired, reading my book and saying all the mean things that my mind made up to make the thoughts seem more true. I was fearful of letting people down because it wasn’t as amazing as some of you made it out to be. I didn’t believe that I was deserving of the praise and excitement that I received. And as a result, I discredited my work and told myself to do better. 

Something I noticed and others pointed out is that I’m constantly moving the goal post. As soon as I score one phenomenal goal, I’m on to a new strategy to earn another goal. I didn’t take a second to do a dance, wave to the crowd, or anything. Doing this creates the belief that nothing I do is ever enough. It’s a bad habit that I think I picked up from my culture and the way I was raised. It’s almost endearing to keep playing this game with myself because it means that excellence is my standard and I know that I can achieve it. On the other hand, it’s so unnecessarily exhausting and honestly unproductive to live this way. What good is it truly doing for me to tell myself that I wrote a “bad” story and no achievement is ever “good enough”? Am I really motivating myself to work harder or am I just making myself more susceptible to burnout? 

I’m extremely grateful and lucky to have received validation and praise from many others these past few months, it makes my accomplishments feel more real. However, I’m trying to remember that this is a real milestone and achievement, whether or not others say so. I did a really cool thing and I’ve done really cool things in the past as well! 

I don’t need the validation to make that true and no amount of criticism will ever make that untrue. At the end of the game, the most meaningful goal is making my younger self proud of who I am today. Another goal that’s important to me is helping at least one person with my words and actions. I don’t need to move those goal posts dramatically because I think I score those goals everyday. 

Background music by creek

[kouhaiofcolor]

So I’ve had this in my drafts for a while bc I wanted to give a thorough response to this. I didn’t intend for it to be as loaded as it turned out (and I feel kinda bad for that), but my energy from the op is still strong on this & I wanted to follow up on it.

While i agree there was a lot of derailing around the point of the nhc behind algorithmic antiblackness, colorism, texturism and the like — what’s unfortunately beginning to chip at these “Natural hair is too expensive/time consuming to invest in” defenses, is legitimately how much more time, energy and money is spent & lost among Black Women on weaves, wigs, sew-ins, perms, etc. Esp throughout the course of our lives in prevalence. Because, the thing is…. it doesn’t have to be time consuming. It never had to be. It’s doesn’t have to be expensive, either. It doesn’t have to be an investment in consumerism — when it’s supposed to be an investment in yourself.

The knowledge members of the nhc imparted on us (those true to cultural relevance on textured hair and brown or dark skin), were supposed to be tools and a means for investing in the health of our hair. Part of us that the things we’re more attached to as Black Women (on the basis of Black hair care) actually harms. How is the ‘cost’ of that ample grounds for outright just not learning (as someone Black in an antiblack world literally sustained on tearing Black Women apart), how to do your own hair though? I always get lost there w the assortment of excuses for this — even in the face of direct influences from white supremacy & antiblackness in general.

Even if you feel totally adverse to doing it for yourself, why just opt for continuing to damage your hair (*part of your appearance) w maintenance that has proven to kill it over short & long periods of time? I really don’t get it. Even for what’s left of the nhc today that absolutely pales in comparison to its heyday, i still see and encounter a lot of Black Women actively walking back all the progress the movement tried and intended to make to soften and better understand the representation of Black hair. There’s nothing wrong w liking/wearing your hair short as a Black Woman; nothing at all (like I’ve had to backpedal and rephrase, length is not & was not the endgame for the nhc or what I was pressing in my op).

But why should we just hold onto the things that truthfully some of the most hateful stereotypes about us are based on? What logical sense does that make? What sense does it make to reinforce this resistant mentality among future generations of Black Girls & Black Women? Esp when they’re harmful to our actual livelihood??? (<—that one gets me the most). Black Women did plenty of tests & research w valid trials & error as to figuring out the key to maintaining optimal health for textured hair. I’d consider that sacrifice — bc who else would have or was going to do it for us? Even if you can’t go natural for you for xyz, whats stopping you from retaining what you can learn to esteem other Black People about their hair?

All the benefit doesn’t have to be for you personally. You could engage & still wear weave; could learn & still wear protective styles; could still wear your hair short & encourage other Black Women to practice good habits to enhance the health of their own hair. You can still wear weave & discourage little Black Girls being introduced to perms & protective styles that have proven to do harm. Educating yourself could be the difference between someone else Black being charged an arm & a leg to see stylists who have a laundry list of reservations about doing textured hair itfp — or damaging their own hair w the bad habits/norms that are already unique to how Black hair is & has been commonly maintained. Where do you lose in that?

This is what gets me about that audio/vid that keeps resurfacing where that Black Woman is beside herself on TikTok telling the world that Black Women are generally incapable of growing their hair at all — based on the same ignorance she’s obviously more comfortable (dare I say complacent) surmising about black women than unlearning about black hair in general. And in the face of it, all I’m seeing Black Women w natural hair (long & short) do is have to come forward (all over again, like we haven’t been more than diligent in disproving this kind of recycled nonsense already) to negate her w actuality. And even w the follow ups that prove otherwise, that vid is still doing rounds across platforms. Which do you think is more likely? That that video convinces ppl that she was just ignorant, or that the racist notions people already have about Black Women’s hair anyway are sound?

Something else particularly stank about the vid imo that I haven’t seen or heard attention brought to, is how she literally made it to specifically slander Black women. There were no stabs at Black men, or Black people’s hair at large. She gunned specifically for Black Women’s hair (and ofc excluding women mixed w Black for obv texturist reasons), w this blatant conviction to shame & discredit us alone — as if our hair is something separate not just from “the hair of non black women”, but separate from our men’s as well.

It’s all ‘it’s too expensive & time consuming to take care of our own hair’ up until a new wave of misogynoir specific to Black women’s hair revs on the internet. Then it routinely shifts to us having to follow up w educating the world about how the colonization of Black hair & widespread misogynoir (still) has Black women by the throat. But the world knows how they treat us tho. What does that have to do w your relationship w your hair? All I’m saying is it’s not always gonna be the informational rebuttal it’s been used as. Esp considering all the money we as Black Women openly pour into the cosmetic industry on hair as is.

Because the thing is, weave is expensive too; wigs and protective styles have their cost-cons too. I have definitely seen enough content & heard enough stances on this by & among Black Women to be aware that these avenues for hair care are far more expensive than what’s portrayed ab maintaining natural hair. There’s tons of buyer’s remorse spoken on among Black Women who put bad, demanding or inconsiderate stylists on blast & discourage paying for their services. But is there any prevalent encouragement to maybe look into more personal reasons to learn how to take care of your hair yourself? Of course not. Because it’s too “challenging and/or expensive”, right?

I’m not shaming us, I’m just saying…. it can get tiring. It does get tiring. It’s getting old & becoming harder to defend when it’s something we opt for just bc we don’t “want to” take care or our actual hair (which is another justification I’ve seen rise to popularity as an “end of discussion” sort of gesture). It’s keeping us right where we are. It’s stunting our minds, awareness, & willingness to learn as well as unlearn. I just see where we make excuses — even at the risk of making some upset w this take. Black Women definitely have reasons, unlike any other women on the face of the earth, to have a strained relationship or compromised sense of self when it comes to how we identify w our hair. Because of white supremacy, misogynoir, colorism, texturism, featurism, yes, yes; undoubtedly. But I also definitely worry that we’ve been far too comfortable just putting our hair away under something else if not someone else’s texture.

I don’t think this is beneficial for little Black Girls; I don’t think it’s ever really been lucrative for Black Women. At the same time I also understand that, even as a Black Woman, it’s not my business what other Black Women choose to do w their hair. I just genuinely do not understand why we keep defending doing the same outdated things yet expecting different modern results. It gets so incredibly confusing sometimes.

I really miss the natural hair community & watching natural hair content generally. That was so good for Black Women; we were thriving at it, too. And as rapidly as it rose to popularity, it’s crazy how dead the whole concept is now. I think it had more to do w all the division created over routines around maintenance than anything else. Everybody was entirely too pushy w trying to make what worked for them personally a staple for taking care of textured hair in general — & that shit walked so that colorism, featurism, texturism & misogynoir could run. Now the same ppl who was riding the wave a few years ago & swearing by all these products, brands, sponsors, wash day & styling methods have put natural hair away as a concept entirely.

Also, why the hell did we waste all that energy prefacing everything w, “Stop doing this and do these things for your hair to grow to tailbone length overnight🤡” — just to go right back to weave and perms? All that researching for what? All the dedication to disproving antiblack/misogynoir notions about Black hair for what? All the redefining of protective styles for what? All the trying to unlearn the belief structures around the colonization of Black hair for what? What did we teach ourselves fr? How did we make things any easier for Black Women and little Black girls? It’s tragic af. The Natural Hair Community/Movement is dead, it seems like. I don’t think we fought hard enough to prevent what happened to it honestly :\

[thevalleyisjolly]

Ok, I’ve rewritten this post several times because I really want this to be a productive and respectful discussion, but this is a conversation that does need to be started.  I’ve been thinking about the whole cultural appropriation story line in this season of The Unsleeping City so far, and of course I think it’s great that Cody is starting to realize why that’s wrong and that Murph is making it explicitly clear that it is wrong, but I want to reorient the conversation away from Cody now and talk about Ricky as a Japanese-American character.

Because when Zac went “Just to paint a picture for you...” during the museum fight episode, there was quite a bit of surprise from non-Asian people in the fandom that this was really a serious issue, and one that Ricky would be bothered by or speak up about.  But why wouldn’t he?  I mean, the character is Japanese-American, and so is the player.  Doesn’t it make perfect sense that he would at least be a little bothered by a white person appropriating Japanese culture?  Asian fans certainly noticed and pointed it out before that episode aired.  Ricky/Zac certainly noticed - go back through the episodes and observe how every time Cody pulled out a kunai or threw a shuriken, Ricky was cringing or facepalming with an uncomfortable laugh.  Even with seven different camera perspectives to watch at the same time, it should have been pretty clear in the fandom that this was an ongoing issue that would bother and was bothering Ricky.

And I think there are several different facets to this, but the one I want to address is how there’s a tendency in fandom to ignore or erase Ricky’s Japanese heritage.  Not literally (although there is a particular sting every time I see another Ricky fancast where the actor is of another Asian heritage than Japanese - Asian people are not interchangeable).  But especially prior to Season 2, there was a general trend in the fandom that liked to simplify Ricky’s character and overlook him as a complex player character because of traits that are very common in East Asian immigrant cultures.

Perhaps it’s because my heritage is East Asian and I’ve had more exposure to general cultural customs and behaviours among East Asian immigrants, but Zac’s portrayal of Ricky has always read as a very obvious Asian-American child of immigrants to me (and, y’know, Zac and Ricky are actually Asian-American children of immigrants).  Not expressing negative emotions out loud, not verbally articulating thoughts and feelings but expressing them through actions, deferring to other peoples’ needs first instead of expressing his own wants because it’s not about him.  With the caveat that I’m Chinese and not Japanese, these are common practices that I’ve observed in my own family, among friends and acquaintances (of various Asian heritages including but not limited to Chinese), in broader experiences with other East Asian immigrants.

(Asia is not a monolith and I’m not familiar with the immigrant cultures and experiences of people from other Asian heritages.  I specify East Asian here because that is broadly what I can speak on and because Ricky is Japanese, but other Asian people please feel free to discuss your experiences as well)

And obviously, these are not monolith traits observed at all times, I’ve definitely met plenty of East Asian immigrants who did express their emotions loudly, who used their words, who were assertive about their own needs and wants (this is not the post to be getting into different generations of immigration and the culture differences between those generations).  And it also depends on the context - from my own experience, in private within families, both emotions and words can get extremely loud (if you dare to risk the wrath of your elders by arguing with them!)  But my point is that the habits I pointed out above are still relatively common in East Asian immigrant cultures, even if not all individuals follow them at all times.

Particularly prior to Season 2, there was a common perspective in the fandom, usually couched in “uwu, I love that Zac is playing a hot dummy!!” that would go along the lines of “Ricky doesn’t have a character arc, he doesn’t get into conflicts with other people, he doesn’t say anything and is just happy to be there, he’s a shallow character who’s just a himbo.”  All of which I’d dispute, (*insert post here about Ricky as a character reclaiming Asian masculinity*), but I want to focus on how the main traits -refraining from overt emotions, remaining reserved in speech, not bringing up his own needs and wants- that were brought up and used to simplify and dismiss Ricky’s character were traits which are commonly found in East Asian immigrant communities.  The whole “remaining reserved/trying to avoid conflict” is something a lot of East Asian-American kids pick up at home because what you say or don’t say isn’t as important as what you do or don’t do.

And I mean, so much of Ricky is about doing things for people, showing his feelings through his actions, not his words.  Just because he wasn’t getting into PC conflict in Season 1, or expressing his emotions in the same ways as other PCs, doesn’t mean he was just a silent, cheerful himbo.  Which there’s nothing wrong with being a himbo, and it can be particularly empowering in Ricky’s case as an Asian man (see above linked post about Asian masculinity), but that’s not all there is to Ricky’s character!  And don’t get me wrong, I personally love that part of his ongoing character arc in Season 2 is speaking up about his feelings and expressing to other people what he wants (because there’s the “American” part of the Asian-American experience that’s not just about having Asian heritage but is also about negotiating that relationship in a place with different norms and customs).  But it doesn’t negate the “Asian” part of “Asian-American” either, which does impact and shape the way Ricky interacts with people and the world.

In hindsight, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that interest and meta in Ricky skyrocketed once he did start being more vocal and assertive in Season 2, which are common traits in many Western cultures.  And it’s not the only reason that there’s a deeper interest in Ricky now (shout out to all the Asian fans and allies who’ve been really diving into Ricky’s character this season!) and I choose to believe in good faith that it isn’t intentional or malicious (audiences do tend to gravitate more towards tangible moments of conversation and conflict rather than background acting).  But I think we as fans need to start questioning why as a whole, we really didn’t start giving deeper thought to Ricky until he began displaying more typically Western traits, because I think it’s emblematic of how, very subtly and unconsciously, we are used to privileging white “American” behaviour and ignoring or glossing over Asian (immigrant) traits.

In many ways, Ricky prior to Season 2 (and very arguably up until the museum fight), has been perceived in the general fandom as a sort of post-racial American-melting-pot character.  Fans don’t wholly ignore that he’s Japanese-American, you can’t really do that when his family name is “Matsui” and when the Season 1 finale showed that his interactions with the American Dream pretty strongly involved his parents’ immigrant experience.  But knowing intellectually that Ricky is Asian doesn’t always translate to actually perceiving him as an Asian person with all the implications and racial dynamics that entails.

An example of how this manifests: Ricky and Esther become a canon couple.  Numerous posts begin to appear (and periodically still do) that express opinions along the lines of Ricky/Esther being the only tolerable “het” couple.  Ignoring the fact that we don’t know Esther’s sexuality and we only have an offhand Ztream comment for Ricky, Ricky/Esther is a canonical interracial relationship between two non-white people, a Japanese man and a black woman.  Interracial relationships are already extremely poorly represented in media, to say nothing of interracial relationships between non-white people.   Yet we overlook the racial dynamics and only focus on the perceived queerness (or not) of the ship.

Or, for another example, taking the discussion on cultural appropriation and making it all about Cody’s flaws and character development, rather than considering how it affects Ricky as a Japanese man to see a white man disrespecting a part of his cultural heritage.

Anyways, I really urge D20 fans, especially if you’re not Asian, to start questioning and challenging how you really perceive characters, what kind of characteristics you tend to privilege and be drawn to and why, and what kind of fandom environment you shape in your interactions with the show and with other fans.  This is not to say that Ricky should be everyone’s favourite character or that you can’t dislike him, but it is important to think about why we have the preferences that we do.  I especially urge you to remember that Ricky Matsui is a Japanese-American character, that this was a deliberate choice which has been repeatedly brought up by Zac (who is a Japanese-American actor), and that you cannot and should not ignore Ricky’s heritage when you think and talk about him. 

(And if you think Ricky is being an “asshole” to Cody just for being, frankly, mildly perturbed in his direction because Cody spent most of the season so far being very offensive to Ricky’s cultural heritage, I really encourage you to think critically about your opinions and why you hold them.  And if, after thinking critically, you still don’t see why they’re wrong, please don’t let the door hit you on the way out.  Your conscious racism is not something that is welcome in this fandom, and Asian fans are not here to teach you better)

((White and non-Asian people can and should reblog this, but don’t clown around.  Productive, respectful discussion is welcome.  Asian fans are more than welcome to add their perspectives/agree/disagree, especially people with Japanese heritage))

[terubakudan]

This may be an old article from 3 years ago, but these cultural aspects/observations still apply even today. And though this is strictly a Chinese perspective, a lot of these everyday life bits are observed in Overseas Chinese communities in countries such as The Philippines, Malaysia, Indonesia, etc. as well as countries heavily influenced by Chinese culture like Taiwan, Japan, and Korea.

I've always liked learning about other cultures and making comparisons between how things are done East vs West. Which probably stems from growing up with two cultures and Mom raising me on American movies xD

So the irony is if you asked me how many Chinese, Taiwanese, or Hong Kong actors I know, chances are I know as much as you do xD Like Jackie Chan, Andy Lau, and that's about it. But if you asked me about Western (specifically American and British) actors, then I have a useless brain dump of movie trivia and who was with who in what movie xD

Hmmm, both Taiwan and the Philippines are two distinct cultures but both look up to a certain country and are fascinated by that. In Taiwan's case, Japan and the US for the Philippines. In both cases, this is due to being under the rule of those countries in their history. Taiwan being under Japan for 50 years, and the Philippines being under Spain for 300+ years, followed by periods of American and Japanese rule. To put it simply though:

Taiwan is "mini-Japan with a very Chinese culture".

The Philippines is "former colony of Spain with lots of American influences".

But unlike the author, I've never set foot in any Western country, so my understandings are strictly what I've observed in media, which while it can be accurate, doesn't compare to actually experiencing the culture.

Some further elaboration on most points:

#1 We quite literally use chopsticks for everything. We use it to pick rice, viands, vegetables, fruit, smaller desserts, almost all the food you can think of.

But where do you put your chopsticks when you're not using them? Just put them on top of your bowl or flat on your plate. But do not ever stick them vertically. It's taboo, since it looks like incense sticks, which we use to pray for those who have passed, like our ancestors or during funerary services.

#3 The majority of Asia is obsessed with fair/white skin. In my time at the Philippines, I grew up watching all these Dove Whitening commercials and my classmates often commented on how fair my skin was, how they envied it etc. In Taiwan, girls often say they don't want to 變黑 (biàn hēi) 'become dark'. Japan and Korea too are not innocent of this either (if their beauty/skin products weren't a dead giveaway).

People here at Taiwan often mistake me for being from Hong Kong or Japan (as long as I don't speak Mandarin with my heavy accent xD). A Taiwanese classmate of mine joked that she often gets mistaken for being from Southeast Asia due to having a darker complexion. And while I laughed it off with her at that time, looking back, I now realize she was lowkey being racist. xD

And believe me Filipinas have mentioned literally being told 'your skin is so dark' here in Taiwan, or being given backhanded compliments like 'you're pretty despite having dark skin' and...*facepalms*

My point is, beauty is not exclusive to skin color. People who still think that are assholes.

#5 Not to say we don't have salt and pepper, but yes soy sauce and vinegar are the classic condiments you see on the table, be it at home or at a restaurant.

And if I may add, Taiwanese love their pepper. xD If you ever get to eat at a night market or a smaller "Mom n' Pop-style" restaurant here, some dishes/soups tend to add quite an excessive amount of pepper. Not like anthills, but quite liberally and way more than average. Enough that you see traces of pepper at the bottom of the food paper bag or swirling in your soup. xD

#6 I know this all too well from personal experience. In my years of studying at Taiwan, I always had roommates. 3 in my first school (I graduated high school in the Philippines pre K-12 so I had to make up 2 years of Senior High), followed by 2 in college, with the exception of 1 in freshman year.

My college did offer single person dorms but at around 9000 NTD ($324) per month compared to around 6000 NTD ($216) per semester. Because I wanted to save, the choice was obvious for me xD. But ah, this doesn't mean I don't value personal space, in fact I love having the room to myself, and since both my roomies would go home to their families every weekend, weekends were bliss for me xD

And you don't have to be friends with your roommates (that's an added bonus however), you just have to get along with them. I was quite lucky to have really great roommates all throughout my schooling years.

#9 In the Philippines, we do. Owing mostly to American influences and maybe being predominantly Catholic? xD

#10 *sigh* Chinese parents and parents from similar Asian cultures tend to put too much emphasis on grades, so much that kids could get sent to cram school as early as elementary. This is because what school you get into could literally affect your future job opportunities, and while that's not exclusive to any particular country/culture, I feel it's especially pronounced here in Asia. I'm really lucky my own parents weren't that strict about it. However, if your parents don't point the mistakes out to you, chances are you'll do it yourself, if you're an Asian kid like me anyway. xD It just becomes a habit.

#11 My family is an exception to this. xD We do say 'I love you' directly, but complete with the 'ah eat well ok?', 'don't scrimp on food', 'sleep well' and similar indirect words/actions of affection. We were doing 'Conceal, Don't Feel' before it became popular. xD

#13 I'm kind of confused about this but this has sort have changed over the years in which eye-contact is now more encouraged. But don't stare, especially at elders and authority figures. Sometimes it's just shyness though. xD And I've observed this with my own Taiwanese friend, especially when I'm complaining or ranting to her about something. xD I'm a person who likes to express my opinions strongly, which tends to scare/alienate some of the locals here, as doing so is kind of frowned upon. Thankfully, she does listen and offers her take on things.

#14 Ah this. xD In the Philippines, this is a common greeting known as beso-beso, and I freaked out too when an auntie did that to me. xD Needless to say, Mom lectured me later on what that was. ^^"

#16 Along with #3 another crazy beauty standard. In my view, people always look better with a little meat on them and when they're not horribly thin. Asia still has a loonng way to go with accepting different types of bodies if you ask me. This combined with modern beauty standards has made the pressure for women especially to 'look beautiful' higher than ever.

I know many people love them but please, starving yourself or glorifying eating disorders is never OK just to get this kind of 'ideal' body. I'm not part of the Kpop fandom, but even I think when idols get bullied just for gaining the least bit of weight among other insensitive comments, that's really going too far.

#17 'If you want to make friends, go eat.' <- I couldn't agree more. In the Philippines we have a greeting: 'Kumain ka na ba?' (Have you eaten?) . Similarly in Taiwan, we have 吃飯了沒? (chī fàn le méi), both of these can mean that in the literal sense but are often used as greetings instead. By then which invitation to having lunch/dinner together may or may not follow. Food really is a way for us to socialize and to catch up with what's going on in each other's lives. Not to say we don't have regular outings like going out to the mall, going shopping, etc. but eating together is a huge part of our culture, be it with family or friends.

And while I'm at it, some memes that are way too accurate good to pass up xD

Parents, uncles, aunties alike will fight over the bill xD

Alternatively:

You just space out until your name is called xD

My parents are guilty of the last one. Logic how? xD

#18 True. xD I like giving compliments out to people but I have a hard time accepting them myself, though I've learnt how to accept them much more now than before. We're kind of raised to constantly downplay ourselves so we often say things like 'ah no no' or 'I'm really not that good'. The downside of this of course is that it can come off as somewhat fake. xD

Again from personal experience, that same classmate who made the lowkey racist remark, she was good, she was on the debate team, was a honor student, knew how to mingle with people, but she downplayed herself way too much, while praising me but I honestly thought that she never really meant it from how she treated me. She wanted to keep me around her yet make backhanded compliments at me and she didn't want me socializing with my other classmate who is now my friend. *sigh* It was only after discussing this with one of my roomies did I realize how this 'excessive downplaying' might come off to people like me who more or less grew up with a more 'Westernized' mindset. I'm not saying brag about your achievements but don't be overly humble about them either, which can also be a turn off.

#20 We do tend to be a lot more realistic on how we view things, neither entirely optimistic nor pessimistic. We try to think of things practically and often analyze things on pure logic. A downside of this however, is that Chinese people can be overly practical. Taiwanese for instance don't like to 'find inconveniences' and generally keep to themselves, meaning, they won't help you in your hour of need even when they do have the capabilities. Sounds really harsh I know, but in my 6 years of living in Taiwan, while this doesn't apply to all the people, a lot of them really do only find/talk to you when they need something.

So for some people saying Taiwanese are 'friendly', that's BS xD If you ask me, Filipinos are infinitely more friendly, and again while not all, generally make more of an effort to help you when you need it. I really felt more of a real sense of community during my years growing up in the Philippines compared to Taiwan.

#21 Children do tend to stay with their parents well into college and adulthood, since Chinese families are indeed very family-oriented, in a lot of cases, grandparents often live under the same roof as us as well! And it really does save a lot of money. I see there's a real stigma in the US when it comes to "living with your parents", but that's starting to change especially because of Covid and having more and more people move back in with their parents.

Housing unfortunately is pretty much hella expensive no matter where you go, and Taiwan is no exception. Steep housing prices and the very high cost of raising a child (schooling + buxiban fees, etc.) contribute to a very low birth rate and thus an aging population like Japan. It's not uncommon to see both parents working in Taiwan.

#23 I'm an overthinker myself, but I totally agree with the author that the best is to strike a good balance between these two. Which I guess is why I love drawing or any other related creative attempts, it helps me be more spontaneous or well, creative! I like to remain intellectually or artistically inspired.

#24 Is French high school really like that? xD My friend did watch SKAM France and more or less got a culture shock from what was depicted on the show. I can confirm however that most high schools both in the Philippines and Taiwan require students to wear a uniform, only in college is everybody free to wear casual/civilian clothes.

#26 Ah this is part of our Asian gift-giving etiquette xD We always open gifts later after the event/meeting and in private. Never open them in front of the person who gave it to you or in front of others. This is to prevent any 'shame/embarrassment' that may result both to yourself and to the gift giver. I know this may come off as something weird since some people may want a more honest response or immediate feedback when it comes to gift-giving, but that's just how it is in our culture. You're always free to ask us though (in private) if we liked the gift or not ^^"

#28 I want to say the same goes to drinking, partying, and drugs however xD Those are things which are still frowned upon in our culture. And to be honest, whenever I see those in movies, it does kind of turn me off xD It doesn't mean that we're "uncool" or "boring", we just think that there are much better or healthier ways of "having fun".

#31 Is this true in France?! Man I would kind of prefer that instead of people being on their phones all the time xD This kind of goes with #20 in that Chinese are overly practical or logical, and don't read fiction as much as nonfiction. My Taiwanese friend is an exception though, she's a bibliophile who loves the feel of paper books compared to e-books, and it's a trait of her that I like a lot. Both the Philippines and Taiwan however have a huge fanbase when it comes to manga and anime though.

I'm all for reading outside of "designated reading" at schools especially. Reading fiction improves your vocabulary too, and can be quite fun! It helps you imagine and really invest in a world/story, and if you ask me something that I feel Westerners are better at, they're more in touch with their emotions and creativity, and are thus much more able to write compelling or original stories. Believe me, I've seen a fair amount of Chinese movies that rip off Western movie plotlines xD

#33 Nothing much to add on here..except that since I'm a "weird" person, Mom often jokes that she got the wrong baby from the hospital. xD

#35 True. While I agree with the care and concern that your fellow community can give you, the downside of this is we tend to only hang out with our own people, e.g Chinese with Chinese, Taiwanese with Taiwanese, etc. I've seen too that it's especially hard to make friends in Japan and Korea as a foreigner. Not only is there the language barrier, but the differences in culture too. In a way, Asians can be pretty close-minded on getting to know other cultures or actually making friends with people from other countries. I know this all too well being half-Taiwanese/half-Filipino, being neither "Filipino" enough nor "Taiwanese" enough. xD It's more of people here being too used to what they're comfortable with.

#36 Oh this is something I feel that Chinese students and other students from similar cultures should really improve on. xD How will people respect you if you don't speak your mind?

I felt bad especially for my Spanish teacher in college, granted it was an introductory course (Spanish I and II) but the amount of times that our teacher had to prompt a student to recite/speak even with clear hints already made her (and me too) extremely frustrated. The thing is, these are college students, I personally feel they don't have any reason to be so shy of speaking and technically by not doing so they're slowing the pace of the class too much and a lot of time is wasted.

Unfortunately you can't always be very vocal with your thoughts and opinions in most Asian cultures. I would say strive for that, but at the same time, play your cards well, especially if you're in a workplace setting.

If you made it to the end, thank you for reading and here's a cookie! 🍪 I'm not perfect and there's bound to be something I missed so please let me know if you spotted anything wrong. Feedback/questions are very much welcome and please feel free to share about your country/culture's differences or similarities!

[jade-lynxx]

I’ve come up with more

Leon has more makeup in his bathroom now than he ever did with Ada. Ji-Woon could basically open his own store with the amount of makeup he owns - all designer labels too. It can make a pretty big mess sometimes but Leon doesn’t mind it much because Ji-Woon usually keeps it all tidy. In fact, he kind of enjoys watching Ji-Woon apply it, it feels a lot like watching a sketch artist to him.

That said, he prefers Ji-Woon natural. The accoutrements Ji-Woon does himself up with are fun, and he is masterful in his personal style, but Leon likes the look of no dyed hair, no contacts, no makeup. Just pure Ji-Woon.

While Ji-Woon does have a naturally adaptive disposition that lets him learn quickly, his biggest strength is his diligence. Even if he isn't very good at something, if he thinks that thing will get him more adoration and attention, he'll work tirelessly on it until he is flawless. Even if that means staying up multiple sleepless nights. Hard work is his biggest talent.

Of all of Leon’s friends, Rebecca is the only one Ji-Woon could actually claim to like. Claire is fine because she’s a fan. Jill is kind and reserved so she isn’t annoying. Chris is grating, in Ji-Woon’s opinion, personality-wise but always good for going to the gym with because it pushes Ji-Woon to his limits in an effort to surpass Chris. Billy is an absolute “No” for him. Only hangs around the guy when he has to.

On the note of friends, Leon really wants to meet NO SPIN. Ji-Woon may act aloof from them but Leon can see through that act and knows those guys are actually pretty important to the detached idol. And since they’re important to Ji-Woon, Leon wants to get to know them.

Leon is a frugal man - he’s a cop after all, not much money to be made there - but Ji-Woon’s frivolous spending habits have rubbed off on him a bit since they started dating.

Ji-Woon's favorite artist - other than himself - is Aurora. He doesn't like to call other people talented per se, but he does like the uniqueness of her sound. He really approves of anyone that's willing to go against conventional norms.

As for Leon, he isn't much of a music person so he mostly just had his parents' taste in music, ie classic rock. He likes Queen, mostly because their music makes him nostalgic

For as endlessly kinky as Ji-Woon is, missionary is his favorite position. He just loves seeing the wrecked expressions Leon makes when they have sex. They usually start out in a different position but by time they're both getting close to climax, they've somehow ended up in missionary. Ji-Woon doesn't mind. The symphonic noises Leon makes, the way his brows knit together and he bites on his lip, Ji-Woon almost finds the show of it more pleasurable than the actual sex.

Ji-Woon has a habit of playing pranks, leaving his gags around for Leon to find. Leon sighs and accepts this. Even if it means he sometimes bites into a toothpaste filled Oreo.

Despite his happy demeanor, Leon is still a cop. And he has seen some shit. He doesn't talk about it. Other people don't need to know the horrors of the world. Sometimes it gets to him and he sobs miserably in his sleep as the images play in his dreams. Ji-Woon is a heavy sleeper but that always wakes him up. He'll wrap his arms around the still slumbering Leon, brush his hair back, and places light kisses over his cheek while whispering to him. It's all Ji-Woon can do. It makes him feel helpless. He hates feeling helpless.

Leon hates kimchi. Can barely stand the smell of it. Unfortunately, Ji-Woon loves it.

Their weekends together are usually spent in Raccoon City. Besides getting away from stuffy Korean culture where men can't even hold hands, it's a nice full disconnect from work for Ji-Woon. It also lessens the chance that the idol might get recognized. Leon feels bad that his boyfriend has to suffer through so many plane trips though.

Ji-Woon isn't open about his insecurities - or about how easy it is to bruise his ego - but Leon has a watchful eye and has figured out the gist of them. He's learned to sandwich criticism between compliments.

Neither has any fucking clue how they managed to bag the other. Ji-Woon, in a rare moment of self-awareness, realizes he is much too cruel to be with someone as kind as Leon and tries his best to overcome his nature and treat Leon well. Leon, despite being attractive, doesn't have much confidence and fully believes Ji-Woon to be miles out of his league. Someone who likes to switch partners as much as Ji-Woon has no reason to be with someone as plain and boring as Leon, right?!

Dates are nice and Ji-Woon loves to shower Leon in the luxuries of the world. But more than anything else, they just really like spending time with each other.

Time for my list of Loser=Lover headcanons that no one asked for (and that I can’t figure out a non-clumsy way to add to the story)

Ji-Woon knows just… Every song imaginable. Doesn’t matter how obscure, doesn’t matter what language, doesn’t matter what genre. He knows them all - although Korean and American music is the type he’s most familiar with.

On that note, Ji-Woon sings. All the time. In the shower, while waiting for food, getting dressed, scrolling through social media. If he isn’t singing, then he’s humming. Usually Leon enjoys the constant sound but, after a particularly long day at work, it can get on his nerves

The first weekend they spent together - in Korea at Ji-Woon’s place - was horrifyingly awkward. Cringe inducingly awkward. Nothing about it went well. There was fumbling, there was stuttering, neither quite knew what to do. But that was the only time. Ever since then, they’ve been right at home with each other.

Leon is a pleaser in the bedroom and he’s open to just about any kink Ji-Woon throws at him - with a line drawn at anything too hardcore. But he’s also a bit shy when it comes to that sort of stuff so it takes a lot of gentle coaxing on Ji-Woon’s part before Leon eventually agrees.

Ji-Woon is completely hairless, ahem, down there. Being that idols, men and women alike, get laser hair removal in certain spots anyway, he just sweet talked his way into a couple more sessions and got his pubic hair removed too. Now that he’s older, he regrets it a bit. Even if he did still have hair there, he’d keep it very neatly trimmed.

Every single time Ji-Woon gets into an argument with Yun-Jin, he thinks of coming out. She won’t let him do what he wants? He nearly outs himself every time just to prove she doesn’t have complete control over him.

Leon doesn’t like horror movies at all but he knows Ji-Woon does, so he gets over it every other week to watch whatever slasher flick Ji-Woon wants.

While they don’t live together, they have a pretty decent arrangement when it comes to housework: Leon takes care of the cooking, making sure the fridge is stocked, while Ji-Woon does the dishes and the majority of the cleaning. It plays to both of their strengths and neither minds it too much. They often argue over whose turn it is to do laundry though.

Ji-Woon isn’t always good at showing physical affection, besides the sexual kind, but sometimes when the mood strikes him, he’ll pin Leon down and kiss every last one of his moles. Leon melts every time it happens and all he can do is laugh and accept it.

They’re about 80/20 on their positions - Leon usually bottoming but he doesn’t mind topping, especially if he really wants to show Ji-Woon his appreciation. He’s still fairly submissive, even as a top.

Leon is a terrible blanket hog. Ji-Woon is used to waking up cold because Leon has taken every last blanket on the bed. Doesn’t help either that Ji-Woon sleeps naked.

Ji-Woon snores. Not just a little. A. Lot.

He talks in his sleep too, usually Korean but he’ll branch into other languages sometimes too

Speaking of, Ji-Woon has taught himself a handful of languages: Japanese, Mandarin, Russian, and French, on top of his English and Korean. He just gets bored and studies until he’s proficient.

Academically speaking, Ji-Woon is the smarter one (not to say that Leon is dumb by any means). You wouldn’t expect it but he’s actually very well read and picks up concepts quickly. But when it comes to practical smarts, that’s where Leon shines. Ji-Woon may be able to hold a conversation about Plato’s Symposium but Leon can make a full five course meal without burning the house down. It actually ends up being a good balance.

The Redfield siblings are the nosiest about their relationship. Mostly they just want to make sure that Leon isn’t with someone like Ada again. He knows they mean well and tries to keep that in mind but it can be a bit difficult at times when they’re interrogating him.

Leon is kind of tone deaf. He knows good music when he hears it but he has no idea how to replicate it and never could learn to play any instrument.

Leon loves saying affectionate words to Ji-Woon, mostly to be as open as possible about his feelings. But also because Ji-Woon always gets so flustered when he does, turning into a blushing mess, and Leon finds it really cute. Bullying through love.

This is probably long enough but I’ll probably add onto it later lol

[allygodot]

Taking Accountability

My name is Adam, but people online call me Coffee. I’m a 27 years old graduate of Chicago Law School living in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I am a heterosexual Christian, but am an ally to the LGBT community. My main interests are Ace Attorney, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. These are all things my followers should know about me, so why am I telling you this? Well... what if I told you it was all a lie? I’m sure this is coming as a shock to a lot of you, and I sincerely apologize to everyone I’ve hurt with my deception. It is my hope that this post will clear up any misconceptions that have been spread about me, whether I spread them myself or otherwise, and that in the future there will be no animosity between us. I don’t expect to be forgiven nor do I deserve it, but if there is one thing I learned from my time in the church it is that all I can do is ask for mercy and hope for the best. But first... I think an explanation is in order. If all that isn’t the truth, then what is? It all starts in college, that nebulous period of my life that everyone keeps asking about and I keep bringing up. Before I went to university, I had always been completely unremarkable. I had always had the kind of fair weather friends who enjoyed my company, but never felt to invested in me. Combined with my status as a middle child, I always felt like I had something to prove to get people to like me. I would say and think whatever I needed to for them to stick around another day, and I’m sure you are familiar with what that means for teenage boys. I acted immaturely because it was what was expected... and anything outside of that was looked down upon it even forbidden. I never thought much of it at the time, but I realize now that I wasn’t allowed much self-expression when I was always trying to conform to their standards. Everything changed when I met him. My assigned college roommate, Anton, was everything my years of conditioning had taught me to distrust. Despite his tall stature, he was emotional and sensitive... even vulnerable. Even so, he wasn’t afraid to be unabashedly himself. The first thing that struck me as unusual about him was his clothing... he almost always wore pastel pink or yellow and I hardly ever saw him without his long, checkered scarf. His nails were always painted with a clear, glittery polish, and I don’t think he ever skipped a shower in his life. His hair was always soft and smelled like strawberry even at a distance... all this to say he immediately struck me as fruity so I wanted nothing to do with him, at least initially. Despite his kindness to me, I would always respond with either the cold shoulder or open scorn, which only amplified the more I learned about him. I discovered pretty quickly that he was a furry, since one day I came home from a day of classes to find a decapitated pink cat head on our couch. He patiently explained the whole culture to me while I glared at him skeptically, but he didn’t seem bothered at all. He even brought out his paws and tail and told me he was saving up for a full suit despite my open disgust. Looking back, I still have no clue why he put up with me during that time. Another curious aspect of Anton’s life was his addiction to a certain television series called “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.” His room was filled with merchandise from stuffed animals to figurines, and I had nothing but disdain for the tacky and embarrassing decoration. I was afraid that if I ever brought a girl over to our apartment she would notice and make all sorts of incorrect assumptions... I couldn’t handle the embarrassment. I tried on multiple occasions to convince him to hide them in a secret box or something, but he always just smiled and shook his head. I even tried to sneak into his room and collect all the ponies for donation once, but he had anticipated this and hid a playful trap for me... I reached forward to grab one of his overpriced statues and immediately got a face full of multi-colored snakes. I was livid of course, despite it being my own fault for trying to pawn of his collection in the first place, but he wasn’t even phased by my tirade. I suppose he was 6’5” and I was (and still am) only 5′7″... but still, I had at least expected him to be somewhat apologetic if not fearful. Instead, he just laughed and told me I should watch the show with him sometime. I obviously had no intentions of taking him up on his ludicrous offer... until he promised that if I didn’t enjoy the show, he would move all of his ponies into a case that he would throw a big curtain on whenever I said the word. I reluctantly agreed on those conditions, positive that this was a bet I couldn’t lose. I still remember that night like it was yesterday. He lead me into the pony chamber and sat down on his bed, taking out his laptop to pull up his favorite episode. It was “The Canterlot Wedding” two part season finale, and although I initially protested that I only agreed to watch one episode, I eventually relented once he reminded me what the prize was. I was hesitant to sit beside him on his bed and lean over his shoulder to look at the small screen, but he assured me that it didn’t bother him at all. I wasn’t particularly concerned with how he felt about it... it was more so my own pride I was worried about. Nevertheless, I sat through the whole episode with him despite myself. Although I was disturbed by the tendency for his long and curly hair to gravitate into my mouth while I rested my cheek against his shoulder, I found the episode to be surprisingly enjoyable. The song in particular surprised me with it’s musicality... by the end of it I didn’t want to leave, but I was far too embarrassed to admit that to him earnestly. I told him I was interested in the show purely for the songs and that it could benefit my studies as a music major, but that he still had to uphold his end of the bargain since I was by no means enjoying it. He just smiled and put on another episode, and before I knew it the sun was rising outside his window. I realized just how tired I was and turned to tell him I would be going to bed only to discover he had fallen asleep. I began to suspect that he must have been asleep for several hours, letting the auto-play functionality do his job for him while he rested up for his exams. Although I was scandalized, I was impressed by his tactical prowess... he had managed to trap me in his room, since I couldn’t move from my spot without disturbing his slumber, and he didn’t even have to be awake to do it. Begrudgingly, I spent the rest of his room, until eventually the faint aroma of strawberries lured me into the world of dreams... This arrangement continued for quite some time. When I got home from my classes, Anton would ask me if I wanted to watch some My Little Pony with him and I only agreed so long as he put the curtain over the cabinet next time I asked. He always obliged whenever I asked him to conceal his collection, but eventually I stopped asking for him to do so and only reminded him not to break our contract before every episode out of habit. It became a ritual for the two of us to do this every night, and even once we had finished all of the episodes we would just watch them again. I found that I was becoming endeared to this eccentric man... and as much as I tried to resist it, I couldn’t help but feel my heart swell a bit in my chest whenever he would run his fingers through his hair or tighten his scarf around his neck. I told myself it was nothing... but it wouldn’t remain that way for long. I don’t know what possessed me, but one night I thought I would get to know Anton a little better. I started by asking if he was single, which to me seemed like an innocuous question, but the very fact I was asking seemed to amuse him. He told me that he was having trouble finding a guy who wasn’t immediately turned off by all the ponies, and I made sure to snidely comment that he shouldn’t be going out with guys anyway even though it made my heart skip a beat when he said that, as well as mention that if he would just give up his collection there wouldn’t be an issue in the first place. I don’t know what I was expecting, but he asked me the same thing: how was my love life going, especially considering my new hobby? I couldn’t help but get flustered and start making excuses. I told him that there was no shortage of girls lined up to date me, but that I just wasn’t ready to make a commitment yet. I spun a whole story about how a girlfriend would only hold me back... I almost forgot that the standard that Anton accepted was completely different from my old teenage friends. He wasn’t impressed that girls were apparently lining up to get a piece of me... he just seemed amused that I thought such a thing was realistic, much less desirable. He didn’t understand that compulsive need to lie at all... he thought it would be better if more guys admitted that they were vulnerable. That was the first time I’d ever heard someone say something like that... I suddenly felt extremely exposed, and before I knew it my eyes were full of tears. My first instinct was to cover my face with my sleeve and hide my shame, but he was already firmly gripping my arm and holding it in place. He told me that I didn’t need to hide anything from him. He asked me if there was anything he could do to help me... and so for what felt like the first time in my life, I told the truth. It was supposed to be just to try it. I wasn’t expecting to actually enjoy it, I just thought that if I got it out of my system all of the unnecessary feelings would finally stop tormenting me... but all they did was grow stronger. I kept telling him that I was still looking for a girlfriend and that once I got one this whole arrangement would end, but eventually I realized that there was no point in lying to myself anymore. I wasn’t ever even sleeping in my own room anymore. I hadn’t so much as glanced at any dating websites in weeks. I was committed, whether I wanted to admit it or not... and I didn’t want to admit it. I only wish that I had told him how I really felt when I had the chance... One of the many things we started to share, which seemed the most inconsequential to me at the time, was a webpage. Anton was the owner of a small subreddit dedicated to My Little Pony fursuits, and he asked me if I would be willing to help him moderate. It wasn’t something I felt qualified to speak as an authority on, since even as I became more open about my love for ponies I still didn’t really feel connected to furry culture despite accompanying him to several conventions, but I was willing to do basically anything just to please him. My job was mostly to stop people from publicly “yiffing,” and although it was a grueling line of work it wasn’t thankless. Anton was a poet with words of affirmation. Many of the compliments he paid me were certainly undeserved, but they motivated me more than anything else ever had... but I got too zealous. There was a certain user on the server who for the sake of protecting privacy, we shall call XxLesbianRainbowDash69xX. As a member of the subreddit they were of course a brony and a furry, but what made them stand out was their dedication to the Flutterdash ship. They were constantly posting couple’s cosplays of themselves dressed as Rainbow Dash, but the Fluttershy in each picture was always different. They were also exceptionally sociable and aggressively tried to make friends with everyone on the tiny subreddit... Anton and I included. I wasn’t so keen on pursuing another friendship that could very well ruin my reputation, but of course Anton was immediately taken with the idea. The two of them exchanged contacts and hit it off instantly, and I started having trouble sleeping at night because he was awake in the early hours of the morning texting his friend in another timezone. He always paid me just as much attention as always during the daytime, but once he saw that his new friend was online he would crawl out of bed to go converse with them in another room. He was trying so hard to be considerate of me, and perhaps it was selfish for me to expect that I would always be able to sense his warmth and scent beside me while I slept... but at the time I was blinded by jealousy. One fateful morning, he excitedly woke me up to tell me that XxLesbianRainbowDash69xX had gifted him tickets to a major convention, and that the two of them were planning to cosplay Flutterdash together. He apologetically explained that he would be gone for a few days since the convention was halfway across the country, but sensing the disturbance within me he assured me that he could probably convince his friend to let me tag along as Applejack... she was always my least favorite. It didn’t matter what Anton said to encourage me, because I was never going to accept any consolation until this threat to our sacred relationship was eliminated. I had to find a way to get rid of XxLesbianRainbowDash69xX by any means necessary... In a fit of rage, I whipped out the ban hammer and beat my rival to death with it, metaphorically speaking. It was a blatant abuse of my privilege as a moderator and I am ashamed to admit it now... but at the time all that mattered was covering up the evidence. I knew I had to come up with an excuse for why I had banned them, so I added a new rule to the subreddit: Flutterdash was prohibited. The news was not met with acceptance from the other members of the community. To some more in the loop with the situation, it was obvious that I had only banned XxLesbianRainbowDash69xX because of a petty personal dispute, but others saw it as nothing but an unfair rule. I was accused of being biased towards other ships like Flutterchord or Appledash and that I needed to accept other people’s ship preferences, or even that I was homophobic and couldn’t handle the thought of lesbian characters in my favorite show. Chants of “mods are gay” could be heard across the subreddit from all sides of the debate, and everyone was rallying for Anton to remove me as a tyrannical moderator. Sound familiar? I can’t help but notice some similarities between my situation and Mo the one over at Kristahlia Week... maybe that is why the drama captivated me so.  Anton tried to reason with me, bless his heart, but at this point I had completely devolved back into my screaming teenager mentality to cope with all the rejection. He was obviously disappointed in me for what I had done but he had no reason to believe it would ruin us... he couldn’t have handled it better. It really was my fault that things happened the way they did, but I refused to take accountability. What I told him still haunts my conscience to this day, even six years later. I told him that I never loved him, and that I was only using his companionship to fulfill my carnal desires. I told him that I didn’t care about what he did with his life as long as he didn’t do anything that kept him away from me. I even told him that I still thought he was disgusting and embarrassing. And the worst thing is... in that moment I meant every word. I was so selfish... I genuinely forgot that I loved him and treated him like he only existed to serve me. My actions were truly despicable and I deserved to suffer for it... and I did. For the first time, I saw Anton cry. I should have been there to comfort him like he did for me on that fateful night, but instead I let him run out of the house to go suffer by himself. By the time I realized how horrible I was acting, it was too late. He had disappeared into the night, never to be seen again. I came home the next day to discover all the ponies in the apartment finally gone... isn’t that what I had wanted? My moderator status on the subreddit had been stripped away, and I had been banned by all of the members of the group on nearly every social media platform. Another classmate later informed me that Anton had transferred to a different college... and that was the end. I have no idea what happened to him after that, but I can only hope he is doing well. Instead of taking this as an omen that I should improve my behavior, I began to become even more bitter than I was before I met Anton. I acted like my relationship with him was just an experimental phase that was doomed to fail from the start, and soon I was denying that it ever even happened at all. I convinced myself that the problem in our relationship was that I wasn’t supposed to be with men, and so I began to insist that I was straight and aggressively seek out relationships with women just to prove it to myself. I also started searching for strict moral codes that could give direction to my life... which is when I found the Church. I was attracted to their beliefs because they gave a very clear outline for how someone’s life should go and promised ultimate happiness to anyone who could fulfill the requirements, so I began to obsess over meeting those requirements. I wanted a Christian wife that could bear me many children not because that is how I wanted to live my life, but because that is how other people wanted me to live my life... and all I wanted was for others to tell me I was doing something right. The congregation was distrusting if me at first, and although they never said it to my face I know it was because they were aware of my past. Hardly a woman would come near me, and looking back on it I can’t say I blame them. The ones who were desperate enough for a husband to give me a shot were quirky repulsed by my egotistical behavior, which certainly didn’t help my reputation. Throughout all this, I still somehow told myself I was the victim because I didn’t want to admit that I had become the villain again. For a long time, the only person in the parish who would willingly hold a conversation with me was Lana. She was a fellow member of the choir and a devout believer in God, but she was often judged by the rest of the congregation for being an open lesbian despite her faith. She tried to convince me on several occasions that I didn’t have to perform any sort of identity to impress anyone and that I should “just be myself,” but I insisted that I knew what I was talking about. Eventually, she decided my well-being wasn’t her responsibility and gave up on trying to reason with me, but nonetheless she still treated me more kindly then many of the other churchgoers. I believe that my “dark past” is what drew Gabriella to me in the first place. She likely hoped that we could act as covers for each other until she figured some way out of her situation, but unfortunately I was too far gone to be of any help. I convinced myself that she was really in love with me and that she would be walking down the aisle soon enough. Whether or not I was really interested in her or just interested in what she represented I’m still not sure... but she truly was a wonderful person who didn’t deserve to have to suffer through my baggage. When she left me I was truly devastated... so much so that I even began to go through another crisis of belief that I recorded on this very blog. All I have to add is that I no longer bear any resentment towards Lana or Gabriella, and only wish them the best of luck. My relationship with Krissy began almost immediately after my breakup with Gabriella. I was desperate to regain the status I supposed that I had lost along with my girlfriend, so I latched onto the first woman who showed me any sort of positive attention. Her death and my downward spiral are all well-documented on this blog. I didn’t want to blame myself for her passing as well, so I developed a conspiracy to rationalize the whole ordeal. I even tried to act like a completely different person to try to keep the blame as mentally distant from myself as possible, but that didn’t work either. In the end, this is my cross to bear alone. So that brings us to now. What will become of allygodot? The truth is, I don’t know and quite frankly I don’t think that is the most important thing right now. I realized last night when I was looking at that art of Diego and Godot as Happy Tree Friends characters that I desperately wanted to be anyone other than myself... it really opened my eyes to the level of repression that had been burdening me since the incident six years ago. I realized that if I wanted to change, sitting around and thinking about how things could hypothetically be different isn’t going to do anything. If I want to make progress and truly become a better person, I’m going to have to act better, not just tell myself that I am. From now on, I will be defining myself on my actions and not my beliefs, as wise man once said. I hope that soon, I will have become a good enough person to meet Anton face to face again... I still love him after all these years, and even though I expect that he justifiably won’t want anything to do with me anymore, I still think that it is a guilt that needs to be resolved. If I ever come back to this blog, it’ll be as a different Adam to the one you thought that you knew. It’ll be as the Adam I’m trying to become... the true Adam that I know exists deep within me... Not allygodot, but as proudgodot. My name is Adam, but people online call me Coffee or Godot. I’m a 27 years old former music student living in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I am bisexual. My main interests are Ace Attorney, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, and My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

[angeldormante]

Hi!! Im the Leo-withdrawal anon! I didnt ask anything prior to the one you just answered, but I'm so happy you responded! I'd honestly listen to anything you write--I think you have a wonderful way of expressing yourself, and the way you write is just... *chef's kiss* I guess, a question I'd have for you is this: What sort of hobbies do you headcanon our fearless leader to have? Quirks? Both endearing and... less so? I think that'd be a fun start!

hokay.... finally getting around to this!! sorry for the wait and thank you for bearing with me, anon! (ty for the compliment, too -- i'm very flattered jfjflk i just like talking about turtles ok (•̥ ̫ •̥) )

now... lemme talk blue to ya.

if we're talking about hobbies, well. stop me if you think you've heard this before -- leo loves training. for all of the guys, ninjutsu is a way of life; it's how they survive the world, how they connect with themselves and one another; it's their entire culture that the foundations of their family is built upon. and that's super neat. but watch 2k3 for like, one episode, and you'll very quickly see that the only one that fully leans into it is leo. mikey and don have their own interests that they often can't get to quickly enough once the day's training session ends. i think raph actually enjoys training recreationally as well -- but he's more interested in the physical aspect, spending his energy, bulking up, not necessarily focusing on skill or technique. i like to imagine that growing up, leo and raph spent a lot of time in the dojo together doing their own thing, kind of "separate but together"; before casey came along and raph got into hanging out topside with him.

leo, though, he throws himself fully into training. he's incredibly dedicated to it not only because of his sense of responsibility, but because he genuinely enjoys it -- he enjoys improving his technique, his skill. he enjoys the repetition of learning, which helps to calm and center him. he enjoys meditation, which helps him focus and clear his mind. as an introvert, and precisely because his family doesn't hang around the dojo as often as he does, leo's solo training time is his time -- it's his chance to relax and decompress. i think it's exactly why he spiraled harder and harder in season 4 no matter how much training he did: at that point, it was no longer a hobby, but an obsession. leonardo normally uses training as a healthy outlet, but when he channeled his exodus trauma into it, he removed his main method of decompression and replaced it with the intent to fuel that exact trauma. (sidebar, though i've talked about it before: i also feel like this is why fast forward is so excellent at showing leo's character growth. he is extremely zen and such a huge advocate of healthy self-reflection in the way he coaches cody and his clone. my sweet boy, so proud of him in that season.)

now i know what you may be thinking. and you're right. there's more to leo than his life in the dojo... so let's talk about some other hobbies i like to think he has!

so here's the thing, and i think it's something else i've touched on before... but i think leo actually has a very strong bond with donnie. their temperaments are very similar, they feel similar burdens when it comes to protecting the family, etc... and to be honest, i think they bond a lot over the same nerdy hobbies too! i think leo is a huge freaking nerd.

i legit think that donatello has probably absorbed his brother into more than one of his hobbies, both unwillingly and not. some things click for leo, and some things don't. some things he has a hard time getting into until he discovers a certain aspect of it or views it from a different perspective. but he is very often willing to try anything.

for example, i imagine that growing up, leo and don played a lot of chess together. don used to overwhelmingly win, until they got older and older leo got deeper and deeper into the tactical aspect, and soon he was beating don quite soundly more often than he wasn't. don started getting into engineering manuals and physics books, while leo started getting into history texts and military treatises, but both shared a love for novels and would swap their favorites regularly. and they still play chess, of course.

don got into nerdy sci-fi shows. like, really into them. and leo couldn't quite pick up the thread on that one, but he was content to endure every fourth movie night when it was don's turn to pick. and slowly he began getting drawn into it, the same way anyone does -- he enjoyed the campiness of the plot, how absolutely ludicrous the fight choreography was, how sometimes there were actually deep and thoughtful moments. it was both a welcome respite from the intensity of his reality and something he could put to practical use if he had to, like, steal a spaceship one day, though the odds of that happening seemed pretty low⁽ˡᵒˡ⁾. he was never able to quote any of the episodes verbatim like donnie, but it was something they could discuss and lightly bicker about during the times when leo is mindlessly helping out around don's lab. (more on that in a sec.)

also? i can absolutely. totally. easily see leo as a tabletop game enthusiast. i think i'll refrain from getting lost in the weeds on that once, since this is already starting to run long, but i just want to put that in your mind. tmnt dnd gaming nights. let that sit for a second.

okay moving on.

i genuinely think that leo just likes existing in the general vicinity of his family and extended family. not necessarily doing anything; just being there, doing something with his hands. if don is working on a project, leo may drift in, and don will ask him to hand him certain tools or read aloud certain notes on the screen, because he knows the deal. if raph is lifting weights and leo wanders over from his own training session, raph may ask him to spot, or set up the next pair of weights, because he knows how it is. if mikey is sitting in the living room playing video games and leo appears on the couch next to him, he might toss him a controller, or he may just start blabbering about what game he's playing and what level he's on, because he's got it. if april and casey are tidying up her shop for a new shipment of merchandise and leo just randomly appears in the window, feathered duster in hand, april smiles and puts on water for tea and casey teases him and throws him a broom instead without blinking. because that's just how leo is.

the thing is, leo is one of those people who have such a strong presence that -- as long as he's not trying to hide it, of course -- you know he's there because he carries such an atmosphere with him. on the other hand, leonardo is the type of person who is genuinely content to just be in the background. which may sound totally at odds with the whole leader schtick, but i think it's just kind of this duality he has: he can be both at the forefront and in the background, depending on the situation and what is needed from him. does this mean he doesn't have his own hobbies or interests? of course not! but even canonically, throughout the series leo is shown to be just as happy with his hands off the reins so long as there's not a mission in front of him. and i think it's precisely this lack of that constant need for control that shows just how whole and rich leo's inner life is, how he feels full and complete without his leadership/big brother role completely defining him, and how season 4 rips that carpet from under his feet to show the unhealthy side of that particular coin.

so as much as a cop-out answer it may sound like -- i think that leo just enjoys doing things with his brothers. he likes rooftop runs with them. he likes pizza and cards with them. he likes movies, sports, and games with them. but he's also his own person, and he enjoys being in his head, and he has hobbies that help him make his head a healthy place to be; his family absolutely respects that quality, and leonardo is a much more well adjusted person for it.

er.... i didn't really get into quirks or bad habits, but this has run really long already and it's getting late, lmao. so i think i will stop here for now. =w= thank you for letting me ramble again about my blue boy, anon; i know i'm slow, but hopefully i rambled enough to make up for it!

[umbralstars]

Basically an "All you need to know" about how I personally write Byleth/All of my Byleth headcanons. This is probably not everything but it's still long enough I have to put it under the cut.

* His birthday is 26 day of Blue Sea Star Moon 1159

- I know that 20 of Horsebow is probably the canon date but I've always used this one since my first playthrough and keep it cause I find it funny

* Byleth has all kinds of memory issues

* Demi-panromantic & demisexual

*Trans masc (He/Him & They/Them)

- He remembers and has dreams of things that are from when Sothis was alive

- He sometimes has trouble recalling facts about the world he lives in (such as who is currently ruling, his teaching plans or things that he has taught before, sometimes can't recall where he is). He keeps a journal of important things that he saw, learned, needs to know etc

+ Caused by being misaligned with Sothis' soul and her consciousness trying to overtake his own

+ He doesn't lose memories outright and can recall things if given the right direction. Once a memory is solidified as more long term it's much harder for him to forget it

- Sothis' memories can cause bad flashbacks that can take him minutes to get out of

+ Jeralt and the other mercenaries look out for him when episodes happen. They often have him talk about them afterwards if he wants too (ie like Jeralt and Byleth's conversation at the beginning of the game after the dream about Seiros/meeting with Sothis)

+ He can't speak during them and gets very spacey

- Fighting and strategy is instinctual for him so memory issues in those areas are non-existent

- When his soul fuses with Sothis' his memory problems mostly cease. All the memories about his own life are permanently solidified and he can somewhat tell the difference between his memories and Sothis'. He still can be paralyzed by her memories but has a much easier time getting out of dazes

* Has a love for learning about the history and culture of Fodlan and everywhere else

- When he was little Jeralt would often tell him stories and folktales about Fodlan while they were riding across the country side. The pre-month cutscenes during White Clouds are Byleth recalling those stories

- Loves learning about the places outside of Fodlan just as much as learning about Fodlan itself

- His favorite books are about history or folklore

* At a crossroad between trusting people implicitly and keeping others at arm's length

- His life as a mercenary certainly wasn't easy, even though he doesn't resent it, so he tends towards giving others the benefit of the doubt even when he may doubt their intentions. Cautiously trusting if you will. Some people may view him as naive because he's willing to trust off the bat and he's fine with that.

- Does fall in line with mercs not really trusting nobles but he points that more towards the parents currently in power and not the kids he knows

- Goddess help you if you break his trust. Once you break his trust it's very hard to actually get it back unless you give him cause for why it was broken in the first place

* Very protective of the people he cares about

- Death or injury of people he care for has always been his biggest fear. His family has always tried to tell him it's just a fact of life, their life especially, but he would rather fight tooth and nail to keep someone alive then to just let them die

* Really good with children actually

* Takes his job as a teacher very seriously. He knows how rough Fodlan and fighting can be, so wants to impart good lessons in the hopes of making his students' lives easier. He knows that some of them have already seen horrors or have been on battlefields, so he treats each person accordingly

* Has a really bad resting bitch face so people think he's really intense/scary when first meeting him

- He has complicated feelings towards being perceived as "intense" or "terrifying" since on one hand it's very useful when he needs to be perceived that way, but on the other hand he feels like that first impression makes it hard to connect with people afterward

- He doesn't ever go out of his way to make people perceive him differently mostly because it would be a hassle and he's thinks people who really know him would understand he's not like that

* Byleth is actually very introverted and somewhat has social anxiety

- He spent almost his entire life around the same people moving from place to place so introversion aside he's not the most experienced about talking to new people

- He never stops people when they want to talk and doesn't really hate talking to people it's just that he doesn't go out of his way to do it unless he likes talking to someone or it's important

* Jeralt's mercenary company is his family and the people he's closest to until Garreg Mach. The Mercenaries are an elite group of about 13 people of various backgrounds

- All of them are basically his aunts and uncles cause they practically raised him alongside Jeralt. He does call a lot of them Aunt and Uncle as well

- One or two are also like siblings to him cause they joined with their parent or when they were younger (like 15)

- They were the only people able to get close to Byleth or get him to talk for the first week or so after Jeralt's death

- I need to expand on them more cause they're very important to me and him

* Byleth has trouble outwardly expressing emotions and understanding his own. He actually feels very deeply but just has trouble really expressing it. Very monotone and straight to the point when he speaks and only slight shifts in tone tells how he's really feeling. Actually has hyper empathy

- Grew up like this despite Jeralt and the Mercenaries' best efforts. Jeralt was always best as reading him because he acted so much like Sitri

- Caused once again by a misalignment with Sothis' soul

- After his awakening, Byleth has a better ability to express himself, and even took on some of Sothis' characteristics, but he still has trouble explaining or talking about what he's feeling

* Generally very calming to be around for most people. Won't ever force anyone to talk but will talk if you start conversation

* Has done some very questionable work as a mercenary

- He has taken on a few assassinations in the past despite Jeralt's insistence he never get his hands dirty like that. The Remire Medicine Incident is one not spoken of much within the company

- He's dealt with brigands, putting down rebellions, guarding caravans, guarding nobles, helping train the standing armies, etc everything under the sun. Will practically do anything if the pay is right

- He does have standards and expects a full rundown of the job beforehand like his father and the rest of the company though

* Loves cats and dogs

* Actually pretty religious and devout by the time of his awakening

- He wasn't completely raised without knowledge of the Church as some of the mercenaries are religious, but he was agnostic for a good portion of his life

- As he lived at Garreg Mach and learned more about the Church's teachings he grew to appreciate it more and more

- Rhea taught him a lot during his many conversations with her

- As Archbishop he does his best to learn every aspect of the Church and exemplify them best he can. Really emphasizes giving aid to those in need, leans heavily into the "Goddess" aspect of his soul, reforms many aspects whilst keeping the core of the faith

- Personally speaks to Sothis on more of an equal and friend level then true God and devotee

- Does become known as the Holy Saint and Avatar of the Goddess within the Church years after he steps down as Archbishop. Doesn't really know how to feel about it but can't say his inclusion is wrong

* Byleth doesn't have the highest opinion of Edelgard

- As I write AM/VW Byleth he was never close to Edelgard at all during his time at Garreg Mach

- He really only sees her as the person who started the whole continental war (which he despises as he very much dislikes war in its entirety) and the person he believes to at least be complicit in his father's death (do not debate with me how much Edelgard knew Kronya's plan. This is entirely how Byleth views what happened)

- He never wished for her death, but does view her as someone very misguided and only wishes she never went as far as she did

* Very terrified of sleep after waking up post-Time Skip

- Fears falling asleep and loose more parts of his life an leaving everyone behind again

- Prefers to have someone close by who can wake him or being woken up in the morning

- Got into the unhealthy habit of just working himself into exhaustion and having a very irregular sleep schedule until his friends had an intervention to talk about what was going on

[defdaily]

‪[TRANSLATION] Nylon Korea Magazine June 2020 issue: JB's defined taste.

Translated by defdaily.

just JB

From GOT7’s leader to main vocal and even lead dancer… in other words, he is a multiplayer, and an all-rounder. We were in the midst of preparing the interview, and the editor who was researching JB could already come to know that all that was true even before meeting him. JB, who we meet on stage and on his own personal Soundcloud channel, really does well in everything. We were getting more and more curious about him before having met him. On the day of the cover shooting, we proceeded with the photoshoot first then had the interview after. Watching JB who was in the middle of his shoot, I could see that there are even more things that he is good at. While we talked about the concept and mood for the day, he faintly smiled and answered that he understood. And when he entered the shoot, we heard his answer even more clearly. He wiped the smile that he just had off his face and immediately showed through his actions that he understood what we talked about. In life, opportunities and good fortune are like a random game play but after seeing him we realised that it all came to find him. JB seemed as if he already knew that yet he was never impatient. I hope JB’s intelligent and sexy energy is relayed to Nylonias too.

“I’m doing music now, but be it vocals or dance, I’m not drawn to a particular side. They’re both similarly balanced, but the way I think about them is a little different. Singing is something I definitely want to do well, as for dancing, I want to have fun doing it. It’s good to be a good dancer. It would be really nice to be good at dancing, but since my aim for dancing is to enjoy it, rather than thinking ‘How can I dance better?’ ‘How can I dance more coolly?’, it’s more important that I enjoy myself and receive good energy while dancing.”

http://nylonmedia.co.kr/jb/#

Due to COVID-19, everyone’s daily lives have changed. How has JB’s life changed?

My time at home has expectedly increased. I play with the cats and sometimes go out for a walk. When I go out, I either go to my studio or even when meeting with friends, we try to choose places that are not crowded. It’s a period of time when we should all be careful so I think that we should do whatever we can.

Were you originally someone who spent a lot of time at home. There is a term “homebody” that reflects those tendencies.

There was a time when I stayed home and didn’t do anything for a few months, but I really felt stressed then. I realised then that being home alone too much isn’t good for you. But of course going out everyday is also tiring physically (laughs). That balance is important and when you’re at home, rather than lying down, collapsing and watching TV, it’s better to watch a film that you can relate to or read a book. I do those kinds of things at home.

When you were younger, you said all you did was dance. It could be a cliche question but what is dance to you? Isn’t the one thing that has been with JB or a long time.

The answer could be obvious but to me dance is something that feels like life and livelihood. Since young, rather than practising choreography that has already been set, it became a habit that I could dance freestyle to music that is being played. I don’t know, to me choreography is choreography and dance is dance, to me there is this distinction.

What standards do you think stand at the forefront of dance?

To me, I also consider nodding your head to music that is playing as dance. I think that’s my reply because I feel that  dance is an expression of your current feelings. In the past, something like that happened. When I was walking the streets and suddenly heard a song that I know despite it not being me who played it. Then I would suddenly start dancing. It happened when I was young, but now that I’m thinking about it, it’s a bit embarrassing (laughs)

It seemed like you were enjoying the rhythms of the songs that were being played on set today too.

Music that is my taste played so I was having fun while listening.

To many people, music is a hobby. But for JB that has turned into a career, has there not been times when it has been stressful?

While making music, the times when I can’t seem to create anything are the times (when it is most stressful) or when I had a certain thought or intention while making the song but it is interpreted differently. At those times I think, “Ah that’s not really it?”. Rather than stress, it’s a bit closer to regret.  When songs are not coming to mind, I often think, “Why can’t I think of anything?”, “Do I really not have any talent?” too. But you’re making something out of nothing so it can’t be helped that you collapse at times during the process. I also look back at myself. The stress I had at that time couldn’t be helped. I should put up with it.  

What do you think about while working on your music these days?

Being unlike myself? That’s the part I pay attention to the most. If a song turns out to be unlike me but not over-exaggeratedly, I think ‘oh that’s pretty good’ and can accept it. I try to avoid songs that are too like myself since it can be predictable.

I thought you would be the opposite and make music like yourself instead.

Because it feels like I’m locked up, so I don’t like that.

Do you think you have shown enough of songs that are like yourself?

That is not the case either. As JB, I’m the type to make songs like myself when making music for GOT7. Rather than myself, it has to be more like GOT7’s colour, so I think about that a lot. It’s not that I don’t like music that is like myself.

You seem to be the type that makes plans to clear things out and get them done.

I also have a spontaneous side. But I generally am the type to make plans. If I set my mind and think, “Let’s do this” then in the end I will end up getting it done.

Many people like JB as a singer. You may not have started with singing from the beginning, but you are now the main vocalist of GOT7 and worthy (of the position). What comes to mind when you look back at yourself as a vocalist.

I like my tone but I also don’t like it. Actually, I do think my tone matches well with bright moods or intense music but personally I think it has lacking points. I think it‘s too strong and bright, so I work hard to balance that out.

Is there another artist's tone that you think is good these days?

I often listen to Crush’s music, and I envy his soft tone.

When I see JB's collaborations with various artists, it‘s interesting how a new tone comes out each time.

That’s because I tailor it to whatever is needed each time. Sometimes it's fascinating to me too, that I express things differently depending on who I work with and how I came to meet them. I think vocal tone can be seen as an instrument that makes the music.

Fair skin and cold eyes, sharp nose and jawline, large build, twin moles. As they say, the image of a simple country boy and a cold city man seem to coexist. What is something people around you tell you is really cool about you?

People around me would never say that. Honestly, friends don't really talk about what's cool about each other right? We just curse and get cursed. (Laughs) Well, I know what I think (is cool) about myself.

We’re curious about that too.

Sexiness. Actually it’s more so the thought that I should certainly move forward possessing sexiness.

Is this something you’ve decided that represents you?

If we have to say that, then let's go with cute sexy.

Aren't you being too ambitious?

It’s just my own thoughts. (Laughs) In the past, I would have replied with ‘being free’. I thought that being myself without hesitation was a strength. But these days, it's more of a point that I have to fix rather than a strength. In reality I'm a very free-spirited person, but I don't think that is the right personality for celebrities or public figures.

Did something happen that might have made you feel that way?

I like being honest. But even I think I have a personality that can be misunderstood easily. Like peers my age, I sometimes talk without a filter when I'm excited. But I've been thinking, "Don't we need to manage our image?" Not a lot though. (Laugh)

You seem to be free-spirited, but with rules and such, you seem to be disciplined and have firm standards.

I always upkeep my own line/standard.  I’m not always on the clouds. It's the same for myself and also my friends around me, even for the members, if they cross the line, I am the type to calmly tell them “don’t you think maybe you shouldn’t say/do that?”.

You seem to be the type to say “that’s not it” right away when something is wrong.

Well, I think if I wait to say something, they might feel worse about it. So I’m the type to just say it right there and then that we should be more careful.

I’ve seen an interview in the part where the GOT7 members did not hesitate to say “JB is our leader. There is no other candidate.” But to be honest, being a leader, you can’t not have many burdens and responsibilities.

(Laugh) In the past that was the case so I used to get a lot of stress, but nowadays it’s not the case. Now everyone takes care of themselves and they’re all reliable. At some point, I started thinking that continuously saying "Let's do this" and "Let's do that" is starting to sound nagging. I don’t want that so unless it’s something that needs to be stopped, I don’t say much. Once I was really out of it so I asked Jinyoung to take care of team matters, he did really well so I’ve been leaning on Jinyoung a lot since then.

It feels like a president and vice president.

Nowadays I’m the vice president. (Laugh). I reinforce what Jinyoung says, I don’t interrupt and pretend to act like the head of the group.

Since GOT7 is a team of multi-national members, it would not have been easy to agree on things because of language and cultural differences.

The members are all very good at Korean, so there have never been any times when problems arose due to language issues. When we talk about our opinions, we ask, 'Okay so how do you want to go about this?' And then we go with the majority. This method is the most simple and fair.

Outside of your role as JB in GOT7, is Jaebeom the type to lead in friendships?

Not at all. In a friendship group, there’s always that one person who’s so quiet you don’t know if he’s there or not, right? That’s me. (Laughs) If you call for me, I’ll go out and have fun. But I’m not the type to go “ya~~~” to lead and start up the mood. (My character) is a character that disappears quietly after having fun together.

The latest mini album received a great response. It ranked No. 1 on iTunes music charts in more than 50 countries around the world. Domestic music charts and record sales were also overwhelming..

Out of ambition, I did hope it would be better. It is important for my name and the team’s name to be more known, however I hoped our music would reach more people.  

Looking at GOT7 onstage, everyone thinks you are a group that stands out with your performance.

We can be proud of that. It’s the thing we pay most attention to since we’re in GOT7. Now we also have some years of experience, so I think our skills should live up to that too. I thought that it’s a time when the team shouldn’t simply be releasing albums. I think we have to work hard so people go “ah great” when watching our performances.

Previously when we were doing the shoot, there was a cut that was a little revealing. Do you work out? There was a time when you were chosen as GOT7’s rep for having a “good body”.

These days I’m intending to start exercising again. And I usually don’t take things such as nutritional supplements, but I’ve come to think they’re important so recently, I stopped by a pharmacy to buy a variety of vitamins and probiotics etc and I eat them every morning.

Was there something that prompted that or did it just come to mind?

I’ve had a lot of interest in fashion, but I don’t really pay a lot of attention to my looks. I’ve come to realise recently that how you look is also part of fashion so I ��want to take better care of myself. (Laughs) My body is the type to get big easily when I exercise so instead I tried to just lose weight by not eating. But I felt that my condition was starting to get out of control too so I told myself, “Ok, let’s combine (what we’ve done previously) with exercise as well and create a healthy body!”

How long have you been taking nutritional supplements for?

It’s barely been a week. (Laughs) I’m not sure if it’s because of my mood, but I already feel like I'm getting healthier. I woke up at 9 this morning. But I didn’t feel tired or anything, I felt so refreshed so I’m starting to believe more and more in the magic of nutritional supplements.

When we were talking about charms; you mentioned the term sexiness. What does JB think sexiness is?

How do I say this. Rather than forcibly thinking ‘I’m fatal’, true sexiness comes out in a natural situation or moment. Also when someone is working hard on what they do. I am also working hard on my job, and I especially pay attention to the atmosphere created by lyrics or songs. I think that sexiness comes to be when you naturally get caught in that kind of place.

Then what do you think being cool is?

When someone acknowledges their own weakness (problem) and knows how to take that in. Even if they can't fix it straightaway, they think about it once more, and are able to say 'I'm sorry’ or even discuss the issue more. That's what I think 'being cool' is.

Honestly when someone hears words that aren’t very kind, even though in your head you know what you should do, sometimes it’s hard to control facial expressions.

On the contrary, when hearing such things, if it was me I’d say ‘I fully understand what you mean. But to be honest, it doesn’t feel good.”  After acknowledging what I did wrong, I am the type to honestly express how I feel at that moment. Then I ask for some time if I need it or find the cause (of why I feel this way).

You seem to be someone that hates ambiguity.

But there are times when I act ambiguous too. Despite hating things like that. (Laughs) Sometimes I think ‘Am I this hypocritical?’ And have a hard time because of it, but again I guess everyone is like that in a way.

Translated by defdaily.

[kyidyl]

Kyidyl Does Archaeology - Part 5

(as per usual, all these posts are collected under the KyidylCL tag)

Pottery and shErds

So, what are we talking about today? Well, I think the next thing is gonna be pottery.  This is where we’re gonna talk about time, space, and dating a site.  Because most people think that the only way to date an archaeological site is via C14.  That’s not true, and actually we don’t always do it.  C14 dating can have some problems, including that the wood used in the fire is likely older than the time in which it was cut down and burned.  It also only goes back 50,000 years, so anything older than that won’t have any carbon isotopes (it’ll have all decayed), and we have to use other things that are more expensive.  And c14 testing itself is expensive - we sent in 2 samples and it was around $500/sample so we spent about $1000 on testing.  Instead, there are other ways to date a site and one of the most accurate is pottery.  

See, like all other kinds of material culture (AKA, stuff people leave behind.  Non-material culture is like...song and story and stuff like that.), pottery follows stylistic trends and trends in how it was made.  And it does this both regionally and chronologically.  Which is great, because if we find bits of one type of pottery we know is made in one place in a settlement in another place, then we know the two people traded with each other.  But I have to explain something else so that determining a date from pottery makes sense.  

Every area of the country has what’s called a “type site” for a given period of time.  In undergrad I was lucky enough to actually get to work on the type site for the Safety Harbour period, which is Weedon Island....ironically enough there’s a Weedon Island period and Weedon Island isn’t the type site for that period so uuuhhh...yeah it’s weird lol.  Anyway, a type site is a site that is considered stereotypical for a given time and place in history.  Usually they’re large and well-preserved, and they’re often the first sites found in that time period/area (but not always, which is how the above weirdness happened.). And so what happens is we dig ‘em and analyze the finds and do testing on those finds.  So now we know “hey, this kind of pottery comes from here and it is X years old”. Now you know when you find it in other places where and when it comes from.  This is all a very generalized explanation, but I think any more is like extraneous detail you don’t need.  Just know that things like type sites help us determine where and when stuff like pottery was made.  Lots of literature usually exists for type sites, but I actually can’t remember the type site for this area for this time period.  

We also use a term called “diagnostic”, which is used much as it is in medicine.  If we find a certain thing that was only made during a specific time period or in a certain place, then it’s diagnostic.  IE, a certain kind of pottery is diagnostic of the late, middle, or early Woodland.  The pottery we have at our site is diagnostic of the late Woodland.  Some of the lithics we thought might be a bit earlier, but honestly I think that was just misidentification by the site director bc we were in the field at the time.  Lastly, identifying pottery has a few components.  Color and decoration I think are easy to understand (they didn’t have glazes, but you can make different colored pottery by varying the composition of the clay and the temperature at which it is fired.). Paste and temper are the other two.  IDK how modern pottery is made, but old ass pottery is made with paste - the main body of the clay, the matrix that contains the temper - and temper. Temper is stuff they’d crush up and mix in to help it not break during firing and heating during normal use.  So we combine these factors to ID the pottery and thus the age of the site and trading habits of the people in question.  One last thing you need to understand about pottery - ancient people used pottery the way that we use disposable things.  They didn’t think it was like an important thing that had to keep safe.  They’d use it until it broke and then toss it in the garbage pit and make a new one.  So it’s really common and we find it all over the place, but TBH in the future pottery *won’t* be diagnostic anymore because our ceramics come in such a wide variety that we couldn’t possibly hope to narrow down time or place.  

Alright, so who wants pictures? You, of course.  Who *doesn’t* want pictures? Here’s some of the pottery we found: 

This is the larger shard that I found in the features I’ve talked about in previous installments.  You can see where I accidentally broke it. >.> Anyway it’s kind of unique bc of the light color outside and the black inside.  It’s like...idk, 4 or so inches long.  

This is a rim piece that I happened to find two matching sherds of.  I always check the rim pieces because the patterns on them usually make them easier to fit together.  Honestly I’ve got hundreds of pot sherds from this site and I don’t have the sanity to try and make pots from them.  

This is the outside and inside respectively of the largest piece we have.  TBH taking this thing out of its box and handling it makes me nervous because of how large it is - about the size of my hand, but I did include my earbuds for scale.  The black is charring from both firing and subsequent use, and it came out of the pit feature I’ve been talking about.  And do you wanna know the cool thing about the inner surface of pottery? Because they didn’t use glazes, the surface was porous and retains the unique chemical traces of what was made in them.  However, the vast majority of the time those kinds of tests aren’t done because archaeology as a whole is extremely underfunded and trace chemical analysis of pot residue is an expensive test requiring expensive equipment and expensive scientists.  Funnily enough I probably could do some of this testing bc I used to be premed and so I’ve taken a lot of chemistry and know how to read a mass spec thing, but I don’t have access to the chemicals or tools to do these kinds of tests.  Plus, they’re often destructive...which....I mean...there’s so much pottery that it doesn’t really matter if one piece gets destroyed but like you do still have to be careful *which* piece you destroy.  

Anyway, you also can see the striations on the outside piece, and that’s decoration on the pot.  It probably also helped with gripping it.  This is a piece of Shepardware, which is diagnostic of the late Woodland period in the Shenandoah valley. Here’s some more cool pottery: 

This is a random assortment of the kind of stuff we regularly pull out of the ground when it comes to pottery.  The most common kind we have is the orange on one side black on the other (3 upper rt pieces), whiteish (upper left 2), orange on both sides (lower left 3) and totally black (lower right 3).  All of ‘em are some variety of shepard or pageware.  You can see the texture on a lot of them, too.  We have a good mix of textured and untextured, and that’s why the composition of the pottery is more diagnostic than the decoration.  Frankly, people can and will put whatever design they think looks cool.  But they made that particular design by wrapping twine around the end of a flat stick and pressing it into the surface of the wet clay.  I also chose those two upper right pieces because they have really visible temper.  Here’s a side shot of one of them: 

You can see how big the bits are compared to my fingers (yeah, there’s dirt under my nails....I haven’t taken some tweezers to them yet after working on the car.). And...wait, I WAS going to try to describe this to you but then I was like “no, they deserve better” and I broke out my DSLR and my macro lens and took some pics.  Here are some macros of the temper: 

The white balance is a little off on the top one...the bottom one is more true to color (they aren’t the same piece of pottery, but they are a similar color).  So you can see that it’s crushed up limestone.  Pardon the depth of field on those...I had to open the aperture pretty wide to get one that wasn’t blurry bc I don’t exactly have bright lights in my room.  

Anyway....so that’s the pottery we’ve gotten at the site and what we can learn from it.  It’s going to take some time before we can start determining patterns and whatnot in regards to style, but we do have some evidence of trading here because some of the pottery we have is from the piedmont culture....

...wait, let me explain what that means.  When archaeologists need to describe a group of people who existed in a given place in a given time based on similarities in material culture regardless of ethnic and social grouping we call it a culture.  This is different than the standard meaning of the world culture, or even the way a cultural anthropologist would use the word.  So when I say the piedmont culture, I mean people that lived in the general area of the Piedmont plateau during the late woodland.  They were of varying tribes, languages, etc.  And we do this to describe the extant boundaries of cultural influence of particular trends in physical objects and not the social groupings of the humans in question.  So, for example, lots of people are familiar with the Clovis culture.  When archaeologists use this term we mean “these are the boundaries of the places we are finding physical objects in the group we’ve named Clovis” not “everyone in this area was a Clovis person”. Like no, obviously, they weren’t.  There were tons of social groups, tribes, etc. that were all distinct and different.  It’s a way of mapping cultural influence via physical objects to see how far they spread and who was using them.  

So, we have some piedmont stuff despite not being in the piedmont area, so we know that they were trading with those natives.  If you’re interested in more detail here, this is the VDHR resource I use for IDing pottery.  It looks like it came to visit you from the late 1990s, but the info is good and it’s easy to use. 

Anyway, that’s it for tonight.  Tomorrow is gonna be rocks and weird stuff, depending on how much I end up saying about rocks.  Probably not much bc we know how I feel about rocks.   ;) 

[randomstarmuffin]

My @runefactorysecretsanta​ gift for ya_boi_nye is finally done!! Hope I did your favorite characters justice!! :)

Happy holidays!!!! I don’t want to take up too much room so I’m going to throw some rambling and extras under the cut lol

So I don’t think nye has a tumblr, but on their twitter i saw that they were into VTube and youtaite and i wanted to incorporate that in their gift somehow. Unfortunately.... the characters are kind of all already anime??? So drawing-wise, i figured it would be more fun to go with a more general YouTuber AU so I could put in some variety rather than just stills of singing or badly rendered 3D models (by which i am throwing shade on myself alone, VTube rigs are sick but i regrettably have no 3D skills lol)

I’ve actually,,, never played Frontier at all, so I apologize if anyone is wildly out of character!! The wiki is extremely sparse and I didn’t have time to watch too too much of the let’s play i found, so if they’re not right just chalk it up to the YouTuber ~performance~ aspect of this AU lmao.

Even though I’ve never played before and don’t know the characters Super well though, I still had a lot of fun thinking about this AU! If you want to know the specifics of everyone’s content:

Anette does parkour (fun facts, this particular move i drew is called a speed vault!) and a little bit of vlogging, and she’s friends with Erik (as in canon, if I did my research correctly lmao). She sometimes appears on his channel and vice versa, and he helps her film and edit and stuff sometimes. She lives and works with Mist and Rosetta and helps out with their online boutique. Mist is the idea woman who comes up with crazy stuff, Rosetta is the realist and bookkeeper who pulls those ideas together into something feasible and profitable, and Anette handles all the packaging and shipments and stuff! There’s always something weird going on in their apartment and everyone ends up there a lot, so some of Anette’s vlogs get really popular just because of how out there they are lmao. Oh, almost forgot, but her channel is “DeliveryIsFreestyle” bc... get it... free delivery... freestyle parkour / freerunning... Lol actually it was almost going to be “RunTheMail” because i couldn’t think of anything at first so i think this was the right move in the end :P

Erik has a gaming channel where he mostly plays farming and dating sims / otome, and we don’t read too far into whether or not RF exists in this universe for him to play even though I put the posters for frontier on his wall xD. The reason I picked Stardew for this thumbnail specifically is because A) I have it and could easily take screenshots and B) i read that he has a crush on Lara? And she’s like, kind of a nurse? And Maru is kind of a nurse? It’s a silly joke but I thought it would be funny to cockblock him from dating a nurse he has his eyes on even in video gaming with his friends lol. His channel is pretty self-explanatory (I was really hoping his farm would have a fun name when i was looking it up but it’s really just “Erik’s Farm” huh? ...but I probably shouldn’t judge, my dnd character’s wolf is named Wolf xD)

Lute paints!! I think he does a lot of speedpaints and mostly does traditional art, but I think he would have some digital skills hidden up his sleeve as well. And also I don’t know why at all bc I know the least about him out of all 4 of them, but I feel like he has done / does some of those like “how to draw anime” videos because I just think that’s funny. He has a bunch of really popular ones about overly complicated fantasy outfits. No this is not a callout for any series in particular why do you ask? Anyway, I’m not sure exactly how the line goes because I couldn’t find it, but the wiki mentions that he’ll say he’s not doing anything suspicious when he’s painting at the lake, so i thought it would be funny if there’s some kind of running gag with his subscribers where they point out suspicious things he does and he responds in the next video or whatever. The thumbnail I made definitely does just have a screenshot of rff that’s color-corrected and blurred, because I ran out of time but also wanted to differentiate the bg from the canvas ^^;�� His channel was originally just “lute” in all lowercase but then i got to the part of the let’s play where he was introduced and he calls himself a “fledgling painter” so i thought this was more fun.

And Eunice has a cooking channel!! She specializes in baking, but she also has a whole playlist along the lines of “Nutritious Food Can Still Taste Good!” where she talks about healthy eating habits but doesn’t buy into diet culture bc I personally HATE diet culture lmao. I think when that gets popular, she also maybe does a side thing about easily accessible workouts for all sorts of people who want to get into shape? But with a focus on getting stronger / being active and Not a focus on Losing Weight necessarily. Promoter of healthy and happy living! I know how her events / dialogue can go in the game, i just happen to have Opinions About Things, so, that’s how she is in my version. Also, unrelated, but she’s very cute. Even though her braids were a bitch to draw hahaha. And i did end up drawing her just in her actual outfit even though i gave everyone else different clothes bc idk it just felt like it fit the aesthetic of a cooking vlog well?? And it’s not a super complicated one unlike others i could mention. Her channel is “Charming Sweets” and her cooking series is “My Cooking” because those are the titles of the books she has on her bookshelf at the start of the game :)

But that’s just all of *my* headcanons for the AU! If anyone else who knows them all better has their own ideas, please be my guest and imagine it however you like!!

Oh, also, fun facts, this is partially a screenshot of my actual web browser, lol, so if y’all want to know what all I have saved on my bookmarks bar and what my google profile pic is, now you know. However, i would like to not downplay how long i spent editing this in what was possibly the least efficient way to put it together how i wanted, rip, which is entirely the reason i am posting this so late LOL. Apologies for the delay, but technically it’s still the 27th here, so! Victory!

(speaking of the layout, did anyone catch the url? I’m disproportionately proud of the url. though i won’t lie part of me really wanted to put the rick roll url there just for my own amusement hahaha)

And, yeah! That’s the end of my spiel. Happy end-of-2020 to all, and an extra helping of that sentiment to nye!!!

[shining-red-diamond]

Ch. 23: Eye of Horus

Cast of Characters//Ch. 1//Ch. 2//Ch. 3//Ch. 4//Ch. 5//Ch. 6//Ch. 7//Ch. 8//Ch. 9//Ch. 10//Ch. 11//Ch. 12//Ch. 13//Ch. 14//Ch. 15//Ch. 16//Ch. 17//Ch. 18//Ch. 19//Ch. 20//Ch. 21//Ch. 22//Ch. 23//Ch. 24//Ch. 25//Ch. 26//Ch. 27//Ch. 28 (coming soon)

Words: 1.2k

Genre: Fluff, some angst

Pairing: ATEEZ OT8 x OCs

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: brief sensuality, mentions of illness

Soft kisses on her cheek pulled Grace-Anne from her sleep. It was part of Seonghwa’s morning ritual to wake up his fiancée, and he did so by kissing her in various places on her face. Him being so touchy-feely was only saved for Grace-Anne when it was just them alone, and it contrasted with his “no nonsense, serious man” persona. He was still a kind soul, he just wasn’t a fan of PDA except for hand holding. Behind closed doors, he was all over her.

“Good morning,” his deep voice sang softly.

“Hi, you,” Grace-Anne’s morning voice croaked, causing Seonghwa to chuckle. “What time is it?”

“Same time I always wake you: seven in the morning.”

“I figured as much. Are we in Egypt?”

“Come look,” Seonghwa smiled as he motioned for her to come to the window.

Still a little disoriented, Grace-Anne slowly stood from her side of the best and trudged over to see what was happening. Once she glanced outside, she felt fully awake. The sky was a beautiful blue as the sun was still rising, the desert sand a golden hue, and the breathtaking ruins of the pyramids added to the eternal sunny desert. A few men on camels could be seen riding as they led a few more, and a city could be spotted in the distance; but it was on the other side of the pyramids.

“Won’t people notice the ship?” Grace-Anne asked.

“The camouflage is up,” Seonghwa reassured. “So we’ll be okay.”

He kisses her cheek just before she turns to get dressed.

“No good morning kiss?” teased her fiance.

“You already gave me one,” giggled Grace-Anne as she grabbed her clothes from the armoire.

Seonghwa snakes her arms around her, capturing her in an embrace. He kissed right below her earlobe and whispered, “I want a proper kiss.”

Grace-Anne scoffed playfully. “Someone’s needy.”

Turning around in his arms, Grace-Anne pulled him towards her until their lips touched in a warm kiss. Seonghwa had a habit of being sneaky in stealing kisses from the woman he loved, and she always played along with his antics. Sometimes, he’s so sneaky to a point it ends up with the two having laugh attacks. But this morning was just him being romantic and wanting her touch.

“Can I get dressed and make breakfast now?” she requested after breaking the kiss.

Seonghwa sulked but let her go attend to her ship duties. He then busied himself making the bed and packing his bag before meeting with the captain for the daily agenda. Today was one of the days where he packed Grace-Anne’s bag for her as she spent longer in the kitchen this morning, which was not uncommon as she would make Celestia’s specialized meal depending on what everyone else was eating for breakfast.

Once all of the essentials were packed in both bags, Seonghwa made his way to the board room and was surprised to find the captain standing at the corkboard pinning some new information.

“Are you feeling better, captain?” he asked.

“A little,” Hongjoong answered honestly, dark circles under his tired eyes. “My stomach still feels weird, so I’m not sure if I’ll go exploring the pyramids. What I can do right now is give everyone the brief.”

If Hongjoong wasn’t going to lead this exploration, who was going to be in charge? He was typically the one who kept everyone together, so Seonghwa wasn’t sure what he or Yeosang or even Dahae would do if the position was handed over to any of them.

He put the thoughts aside as the rest of the crew piled into the board room, Celestia immediately sitting in one of the chairs.

Hongjoong took a breath before addressing his crewmates. “Good morning,” he smiled weakly. “I hope everyone slept well and has what they need for exploring today. However, I won’t be joining you on this one.”

A few shocked murmurs erupted from the crew, and Dahae was quick to calm them. None of them could wrap their heads around the idea of exploring without their leader. Hongjoong was the one who knew how to keep everyone together, knew his maps, and made the big decisions. The fear of falling apart dangled in the back of their minds.

“I’m still having side effects,” Hongjoong explained, “so I’ll be putting Seonghwa in charge for now.”

The First Mate wasn’t expecting to be the one chosen to lead temporarily, and he didn’t have the map skills Hongjoong had; but he knew San could help him decipher it if he was healed.

“First,” continued the captain as he went over the agenda, “we need to establish the rotation for Celestia’s caregiver during explorations. Who’s going to take the first shift?”

“I’ll stay,” volunteered Phoebe, raising her hand.

“Excellent. Now, I’ve asked Celestia to look over the notes for Egypt, so she’ll be handing those to Seonghwa.”

“I made my own notes as well,” Celestia replied as she handed a sheet of paper to Seonghwa. “It’s just a little cheat sheet of symbols and artifacts mentioned in maps for this location.”

Upon him reading over her notes, Celestia had made bullet points and labeled what each key point meant:

-Ankh: classic hieroglyph used in a lot of fictional storytelling; symbol used for “life” and actually holds a lot of power in Egyptian beliefs -Treasures can vary between different artifacts like vases/pots, jewelry, heirlooms, and blue gold in some cases -Pets were considered sacred treasure to the culture and some royal figures had their pets buried in the tombs with them

Much more had been jotted down, but the thing that stood out to him was three underlined words: Eye of Horus.

“So, are we looking for a tomb or something?” Taeran interrupted, pulling Seonghwa from his thoughts.

“No,” Celestia shook her head. “It’s a secret room that holds all kinds of treasures the great pharaohs of Egypt valued: gold, precious stones, even sacred items. There are symbols of the ankh and Eye of Horus in there somewhere, but it doesn’t say where exactly. Those are where you’ll find the next diamond piece.”

Everyone, including the captain, looked at Seonghwa now to make the next move. It was all new to him now that he was temporarily in charge, but he straightened himself and cleared his throat.

“Thank you, Celestia,” he spoke. “Let’s get everything ready before meeting at the door.”

-

“And you’re sure you’ll be okay without me?” San asked as he strapped on his backpack.

“San, for the last time,” his wife giggled, “I’ll be okay. Phoebe will be my guardian angel, and Byeol will snuggle with me. Hongjoong will be here, too, but he’ll probably be resting mostly.”

San sighed in defeat. He couldn’t help that he worried about her so much, especially if she were to go into labor when he wasn’t on the ship to attend to her quickly. However, he knew she was in good hands.

“Alright,” he smiled slightly. “I love you, angel. I know I worry to death about you, but I just want you and the baby to be okay and healthy.”

Celestia cups his face and promises, “We’re okay. If something was wrong, you’ll be the first to know.”

His gloved hands went to her swollen waist and pulled her in for a long and deep kiss. He then knelt down to her belly and kissed it before whispering, “You be good for mommy, now. Okay, Princess?”

-

Tags: @treasure-hwa​ @ateezlovenet​ (Let me know if you’d like to be added or removed)

[romancandlemagazine]

An Interview with Alexander Wolfe, the man behind Pedestrian Magazine

Pedestrian is a magazine about the humble art of walking. In this interview, I talked with the man with the plan, Alexander Wolfe, about his love for this much maligned form of transport, his recent expedition from New York to Philadelphia, and the art of conversation.

First off, you recently walked from New York City to Philadelphia over nine days. What made you want to do that?

The initial desire to walk to Philadelphia came out living in New York City during the pandemic. I was bound to my apartment for a few months with little to do but walk around my neighborhood. I've always had a habit of walking around the city, but the pandemic only made these walks longer and longer, which eventually led to a 23 mile journey from my apartment in Brooklyn, to the Bronx, and back.

Around that time I was reading The Roads to Sata by Alan Booth and started contemplating longer, multi-day walks. I needed a change of scenery and found the idea of traveling by foot and living out of a bag very appealing. I felt like I'd developed a process here in the city (go on a walk, take photos, write a newsletter about the walk, repeat) and needed to give myself a challenge.  I wanted to lean further into this practice that I've been developing for the last three years.

I'd never considered my walks to be hikes, so it made sense that I'd keep it in an urban setting. Walking to Philadelphia seemed like a no-brainer. What most people don't initially realize is that most of my time was spent walking through New Jersey. I liked the idea of walking in a place that is commonly misrepresented as the "armpit of America" and typically deemed unwalkable. New Jersey is actually a very underrated state. It might be the densest state population-wise, but it's called the Garden State for a reason. Oh yeah, I'd never been to Philadelphia and just really wanted to visit.

How did the walk go? Quite often trips or excursions can be a fair bit different to how you first imagine them… how did the reality of the walk differ from how you thought it was going to be?

I was presented with a new challenge every day. Don't get me wrong, the walk turned out better than I could have ever imagined, but you can never anticipate everything in advance. This was the first time I'd ever walked with a 25 pound bag on my back, let alone the first time I'd walked 9 days in a row. Originally I set out to average 17.75 miles per day, but thanks to my own curiosity, ended up waking 20 miles a day on average. I mapped the entire route a month or two before leaving, but would always deviate from the path in favor of exploring some neighborhood, road, or park that looked appealing. The first day alone ballooned into 27 miles because I got cocky and thought I didn't need to use my map while walking in Manhattan. I learned my lesson and kept my eyes on the map for the rest of the trip.

Another thing I didn't expect was the sensitivity one develops after walking 6-8 hours for days in a row. The smell of exhaust and gasoline becomes more potent. You realize how violently we've shaped the land to build huge highways and abysmal business parks. So much of our infrastructure is built in favor of the car, which makes being a pedestrian incredibly difficult at times. If the built environment didn't present a challenge, it was always the weather, the gnarly blisters on my feet, or my gear malfunctioning. I quickly learned to accept these challenges. It was just another component of the walk.

A lot of times people go for ‘a walk’, they’re seeking out beauty spots or nice scenery—maybe in nature reserves or the countryside, but your walk was cutting through some fairly overlooked places… industrial estates and small towns. Do people miss out by not seeing the whole picture of somewhere? Is just driving through these places to get to the destination sort of cheating?

I wouldn't consider driving to be cheating – it's just another way we alienate ourselves from the world around us. When we drive, we experience the world at a speed that makes it nearly impossible to pay attention to the fine details. Our relationship to place is abstracted, especially thanks to the rise of GPS. We no longer have to have a physical relationship to these towns. We don't even have to remember how to get to them. Driving around in a car reduces these places to nothing more than a label on a map or a convenient place to stop for gas.

It's important to have relationships with the places surrounding you. The walk has given me an intimate experience with the space between New York City and Philadelphia. I know what it looks like, I know how it feels to be there. I can tell you where residents stop hanging New York Yankees flags in favor of Philadelphia Phillies flags. If I'm watching the Soprano's and Tony references Metuchen, NJ then I know exactly what he's talking about. I think to understand a place, such as New York City, it's just as important to understand the places around it. There are generations of people who once called the Big Apple home, but decided to plant their roots in Jersey for one reason or another.

I suppose you could have read about some of these places on Wikipedia, but being there is a completely different thing. Is experiencing stuff first hand important?

It's very important if you actually want to understand a place. It's too easy to create our own narratives without ever visiting a place. I still tried to do my share of research before heading out. I have friends from North Jersey or the Philadelphia Metro and tried to take their opinions with a grain of salt. I spent some time reading about certain towns along the way on Wikipedia or scanned Reddit to get a vibe. I even previewed chunks of the walk on Google Street View to mentally prepare and know if it was actually safe to walk near some of these roads. I could have spent months preparing, but it never would actually replace walking in these small towns and cities. It's so much different when you're on the ground.

I suppose the main reason we’re talking is that you make a magazine based around the idea of walking. How long have you been making Pedestrian? What started it off?

I released the first issue of Pedestrian back in March of 2018. I was living in Ridgewood, Queens at the time and made friends with a guy named Curtis Merkel (I actually met him while out on a walk). He ran a moving business for a few decades and retired. At 84 years old he opened up a tiny little bookshop to keep himself busy. I'd visit him every weekend to check out his books and eventually we'd just get to talking. He'd lived in Ridgewood his entire life and loved to talk about the neighborhood's history. Moving to NYC also introduced me to a thriving community of zine makers. I wanted to share these conversations I'd had with Curtis in print form, so I decided to start a magazine. I invited a few friends to contribute and the rest was history.

Since then, the identity of Pedestrian has become quite fluid. While it started as a magazine, I would now describe Pedestrian as my own practice. It's a platform that allows me to collaborate with others, produce magazines, write newsletters, go on these long multi-day walks, and produce t-shirts. I have found this configuration gives me the most creative freedom.

A lot of your magazine is about meeting people and striking up conversations. Is this a lost art these days?

I don't know if it's a lost art per se, but there's less incentive to reach out and talk with strangers these days. Thanks to the rise of social media it's just getting easier and easier to stay within our own "bubbles." Starting Pedestrian, in a way, was an excuse for me to speak with those I typically wouldn't reach. It's amazing how having a publication kind of takes the fear out of speaking with strangers. You can do anything when you have intention.

Although walking is something most people do, is it overlooked as an activity? It seems it’s mostly seen as an inconvenience, rather than a hobby in itself.

It depends where you live. In New York City, for example, walking is a part of the culture. The city is built in such a way that makes walking a viable means of transportation. And if you can't walk to your destination, you're likely walking to a subway or a bus. Where I'm from in Iowa, walking is very inconvenient. Everything is spaced out, which makes walking anywhere very difficult. It’s not that people don’t want to walk, it’s just the way we’ve built certain communities has made it very hard to enjoy. It makes people think walking is very inconvenient.

I’m here in Iowa until August and it’s been interesting to walk a place that is so reliant on cars. The other day I did a 13.5 walk around the city. There’s nothing here stopping you from walking (unless the heat gets you. Technically we’re in the middle of a drought. It’s been incredibly hot as of late), and there’s plenty of sidewalk. I think it’s mostly just a mindset people have to develop. It doesn’t matter how many miles you walk, it’s just about getting out there. Your mental health will thank you and you might even learn something new about your surroundings along the way.

Walking is maybe the antithesis to the internet, but Pedestrian also has a decent presence on the World Wide Web, and you regularly send newsletters and... er... partake in the digital world. How do you balance the real world with the matrix?

It’s a relationship I’m constantly reevaluating. I’m not a master of balancing the two yet, but I’m slowly building habits that will protect my time. I often daydream of abandoning social media altogether and picking up a flip phone. I obviously haven’t done that yet, so in the meantime, I’m investing a lot of time in my newsletter. Sending out a newsletter is a much more thoughtful, intimate, and slow experience...kind of like the way I approach my walks out in the world. I understand that the web is a tool and I’m not sure the Philly walk would have gotten the same amount of attention had I not had an Instagram account. It’s cliche, but everything in moderation, right? I try not to take it so seriously.

What next for Pedestrian?

The Philly walk was such a great success and I’d like to keep that momentum going. Later in September I have another big, big walk planned, but I have yet to announce the route. Look for an announcement sometime next month. This one will be a bit longer and involve 3 different cities. I can’t wait.

Once winter hits I’m going to buckle down and produce a proper book for the Philly walk that will include all my writing and photos I took along the journey. I’m already excited to share the finished product with the world. Stay tuned.

Final question, what are your walking shoes of choice? And what's your soundtrack? Are earphones advised for long walks, or do you prefer the ambient sounds of the streets?

I’m a big fan of Hoka Clifton’s. I wore them throughout the entire Philly walk and have two pairs in my closet. At this point, Hoka should probably pay me for how much business I send their way. I’m always recommending them.

I prefer not to wear headphones and just listen to the ambient sounds of the street. More often than not, I find wearing headphones to be a bit distracting and it takes me out of the present moment. Although, I’ll admit I have been trying to introduce music into my walking once again, but few tracks make the cut. Lately Andrew Wasylyk’s Last Sunbeams of Childhood has been on repeat. There’s something about that track...

Find out more about Pedestrian here. Pedestrian is available in the UK courtesy of Central Library.

[liskantope]

I don’t mean this to be a full-blown thesis I’m defending or a fully-endorsed culture war take or anything, but today I got to thinking about the whole (very predictable) backlash to that very obnoxious “Is there a doctor in the White House?” article and the feminist issue of not treating men like the default gender.

Traditional sexism has historically been manifested in treating the default human as male while women show up as “human + gender characteristic” or “human + sexuality” (thus the only-recently-rejected norm of using male pronouns by default). I’ve become a lot more conscious of this issue in the past several years. Recently I was struck by Douglas Hofstadter’s apologetic discussion of why he used only male characters and pronouns in Gödel, Escher, Bach where he apparently thought that introducing female characters would inherently make them sexualized and so distract from the point he was trying to make. This is still kind of baked into our culture today to the extent that I consciously noticed only the last few years how many if not most people (including myself at the time) have a tendency to refer to an unknown particular person as “he” before knowing their gender. (To be fair, I noticed this in the context of discussing things happening in the math community, which is heavily male-skewed, but if anything that only means that more harm can come from this bad habit.) I would argue that phenomenon is one of those things that comes nowhere close to being neatly classified under “male privilege” but is insidious because anything that treats the genders very differently without justification is harmful.

Anyway, with the Dr. Jill Biden thing we have a writer who is completely dismissive of her credentials on the grounds that nobody should call themself doctor unless they practice medicine. He “supports” this by basically attempting to delegitimize the entire doctoral dissertation process at universities (in the good old days it was actually hard to get a doctorate, you see) but for some reason half the time he spends railing against non-medical people with the Dr. title is to sneer at honorary doctorates that universities give out to celebrities and wealthy donors (fun fact: the writer himself has one of those honorary doctorates! I had to look this up to believe it). He mostly names white men among the celebrities not deserving honorary PhDs but does slip in a few snide remarks about them being given to black women for political purposes -- he’s clearly very anti-PC but I have a feeling not many of the people outraged at his article know that about him or read that far into this particular piece.

Instead, all the outrage I’ve seen about this article is that its author, Epstein, has revealed himself to be a misogynist who wants to dismiss the credentials of a woman holder of an advanced degree. A lot of this outrage is coming from PhD-holders who don’t seem to mind that Epstein, you know, spent a bunch of paragraphs on his main thesis making out that advanced degrees nowadays are just a joke and shouldn’t be respected at all (mostly using men as examples). Not that titlism (looking down on non-PhD-holders) should be the alternative, of course, which ironically is what a couple of people seem to be emulating in their criticisms of him (actually referring to Epstein as just some loser who only has a BA). No, all that matters is that Jill Biden is a female doctorate-holder and so the whole article is an attack on women who use the title.

No, I don’t mean this as yet another “SJ is bad because it reinvents treating certain identities as relevant when we were trying to get past seeing them as relevant” because that whole take has pretty much been beaten to death as far as I’m concerned and I’m not sure this example can be entirely reduced to that, but it did get me thinking today about possible further instances of our subconscious tendency to categorize people as generic Xers and woman Xers.