#things I've learned

[hermajestyimher]

You need to shed that defeatist attitude and mindset. Do you know why others find it so easy to mistreat you or gang up on you? It's because they believe they can sense insecurities and, therefore, weakness in you. But when you fully own and embrace those parts of yourself that others might label as "weird" or "shameful," you immediately reclaim your power. At that point, others can no longer use those things against you, and they end up looking ridiculous in the process.

Many people are desperate to join a mob and gang up on someone—this stems from their own deep insecurities and their need to belong. When you stand out from the crowd, you naturally become a target. But you must learn to remain calm and collected when others attempt to attack you, and be strategic in your responses to ensure you come out on top. In the end, strategy, character, and intelligence always triumph over mindless numbers. They might think they're safe by punching down, but in reality, it's you who can end up holding the upper hand.

[rineedagger]

Some things I've learned this pasts twenty six years

Do NOT alter your form and size to fit into somebody's ribcage. Authenticity is the ground for a healthy environment.

Authenticity can't exist without self-criticism and sticking to your core values.

A peaceful solitude is just as important as a nutritious companionship.

We aren't born knowing, not even of our own self. Wisdom is the fruit of life-long learning, therefore, making mistakes is the key to be and do better (this reminds me of the famously quote "Do not be sorry, be better" from Kratos lol).

Doubting, asking questions, is the concrete to build a fulfilling life.

Remaining the same does not imply to be more stable nor having a healthier life.

Easy and good are not synonyms.

Enough with the label bullshit and the blaming. It isn't about been or not been normal/right, your life/truth is yours only. Do not try to make sense of it using somebody else's eyes.

Medical checking is important. Nobody likes going to the doctor nor feeling sick (and yes, I am talking about going to the therapist and psychiatrist as well). It is part of been human and you will never be alone in the process.

Cooking life actively and over a low heat, is vital to have an appetizing full of flavour meal.

I'm never going to feel ready nor good enough.

Life isn't right nor makes sense. Do not try looking for the missing leg, you'll lose yourself in the process.

Communication is important, but not all communication matters. It has to be direct, understandable and, overall, precised. Overcommunication is as bad as the total absence of it, if not more painful.

Accepting and respecting are not the same thing. One is mandatory while the other, even important, isn't indispensable.

In order to live and not survive, you have to accept your own vulnerability and fragility.

Drinking water is always the good choice.

There will never be enough strawberries to satisfy the craving.

Whoever loves you today may not love you tomorrow, and that's okay.

There isn't such thing as good and bad emotions, rather comfortable and uncomfortable ones. And we must feel them all.

Setting boundaries with yourself and your surrounding is vital to be certain that, whoever remains by your side, is because they actively want you and love you, since there are parts of your self that are not negotiable. If not, you will always be the coach, the therapist, the mother, the sister, the helper, the clown, the mad one, the weirdo, the mysterious one, the thug, the whore, etc., but never you. Consequently, these means an assured expiry date plus food poisoning (I don't know why I'm comparing so much with food...maybe it's because I didn't eat strawberries for a while).

Social media has become a demanding, violent and sick place, filled with expectations, constant stimulation, manipulated or sensational information, rule-following, triggers, distortions and the possibility of been reachable to people that you don't need in your life. It is okay if you can't live in it. Also, if you're the reactive kind, set boundaries immediately with how you manage your social media and your exposure and be firm with it (believe me, I couldn't stand seen someone hating my friend on social media and saying lie after lie after lie...it was REALLY consuming and it leaded to impulsive and shameful acts).

If you are the one that overthinks or re-read texts after a fight, delete them.

Having life-long or very long friendships does not mean that you should cope with every mistreatment.

Do not remain by somebody else's side only because you pity them. Pityness and no compassion is vile.

The same with egotistical interests. The other person is a whole living being aside of yourself, if you put your own interests and greeds as the motivation of that relationship or over it, is vile.

The world is not trying to punish you for any mistake you've done nor for any joy you've experienced. That is, indeed, the process of living.

Boredom is a freaking gift, and a pleasure indeed.

[soie-lux]

"Garbage in, garbage out" is a phrase that not only applies to your diet. It applies to literally everything!! What you listen to, what you watch, who you hang around. These are things that will keep you from flourishing.

It's so important to consume content that promotes positive growth. Do you really think consuming content that revolve round toxic relationships, hookup culture, drugs, abuse, violence, etc. is helping you be a better person? A wise Tumblrina once said "Make a conscious effort to consume content that edifies your spirit, that uplifts your mood and allows you to see life through a lens on positivity, optimism and growth."

I've noticed such a change in myself ever since I've stopped listening to secular music + being super intentional about the shows I watch. Music is one of my true loves, as I'm listening to always listening to music of many genres on a daily basis. There are so many amazing Christian alternatives of all genres: r&b, alternative, indie, hip-hop, afrobeats, etc that I don't miss mainstream music at all.

[scleroticstatue]

I don't know who needs to know this, but you have a spot on your body that as long as it stays warm, you will be warm. Now, I'm not saying "as long as you keep your core warm" or "as long as your head is warm" everything will be dandy. That spot is not the same on everyone. For some people, it's their chest, and for some people it's their head, and for some people it's their toes. For me, it's the top of my thighs. But the key to being warm and staying warm is to find that spot and keep someone warm on it.

[soapdispensersalesman]

Been rehearsing for this new theatre project and we've been talking about how art should make you think rather than it having answered your questions and I've been observing a lot of works differently knowing that art is just there to be present.

I immediately notice it during theatre performances I watch at work as well as this Dutch documentary series called Sexotisch (Sexotic) where Kelly-Qian van Binsbergen explores the race-oriented categories in adult films, getting personal with the first episode as she explores the Asian genre, fetishism, stereotypes, etc. but rather than giving her opinions how she feels about these things, she expresses curiosity as she tries to discover why the "genre" is like that. idk if the show has English subtitles but it's definitely a must watch.

But yeah as I was watching that I loved that although there were some answers and conclusion, the documentary mostly focuses on making you think about all this rather than giving you their opinion or telling you what's wrong or right.

Bit of an unusual example, but it does give me a new way to make works that don't need to have the answers but maybe the questions.

[alciefromwonderland]

Honestly

Having cooking equipment that you're comfortable with makes such a difference

I just made a meal in an instant pot that I initially found instructions for involving the stove and like

Sure, I could have made it on the stove

But the instant pot doesn't stress me out nearly as bad

[kensatou]

i'll let phie-san say it:

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

feel free to put location/area in the tags

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[hermajestyimher]

Individuality Series Part II: Cut Off The Noise:

One thing about me, I will disappear.

Have you ever considered how much other people's ways affect you when you give yourself over to them for prolonged periods of time? Those of us who have a clear-cut vision of what our highest selves look like cannot afford to allow others to steer us away from that vision by influencing us toward the wrong path.

Our subconscious mind will reflect itself in the actions we choose to engage in depending on the stimuli we provide to it, and that is why it is crucial to cut off all distractions and all noise so we can feed it the correct information. That's why being an individual is so powerful, because the more robust sense of self you are able to develop, the harder it will be for others to steer you away from it.

What we set our eyesight on can have tremendous power over our lives. Choose to read, view, and listen to stimuli that remind you of this world's possibilities and how you can develop yourself in your unique identity. The sky is the limit. Don't hinder this growth by continuously engaging in low-value activities. Things like drama-filled hyperbolic reality shows, social media arguments, and events where people are trying hard to impress each other with no substance to themselves, are not things anybody who wishes to truly craft a unique, high-value persona should pursue. The more you spend time doing those things, the more you will resemble the mundane, poor, neurotic, crass, superficial, unoriginal ways of the crowd.

The excellent keep itself separated from the crowd. They view themselves as elite and their actions reflect this.

[pages-and-potatoes]

Things 20-year-old me wouldn’t believe me if I told her but it would be super good of she could hear me yell them at her through time

Sex can be fun and pain-free

Yes, at 30 you still have the same stuffed animal you got when you were four

You like hiking (weird, right?)

You are still writing and getting better at it

You're still friends with the girls you met in your first class at uni

You're in a healthy relationship

You still have no plans of ever having children

You like living in a city and have no plans of moving back north

This therapy thing you just started is not gonna be done in a year or so

You're actually quite cool

You still wear fun and quirky clothes sometimes

You finally let your body hair grow and (almost) nobody gives a shit

Have I told you about sex being a fun thing to do?

You write poetry now and it’s not awful

You’re doing fine

[a-most-beloved-fool]

makes me a little sad when star trek ignores IDIC. like. vulcans are logical. that is true. But 'logical', for vulcans, does not amount to 'without compassion,' and it definitely doesn't amount to 'racial superiority.' Belief in 'infinite diversity in infinite combinations' should NOT result in the weird racist/speciest stuff we're getting in some of the newer treks. It does make sense that some vulcans are discriminatory. They're still flawed. But that should not be common or expected, like it seems to be in SNW. If it is, then it's a race of hypocrites, which. doesn't seem very true to Star Trek's message.

I think TOS Spock does a pretty good job of embodying this. Not always, it was the 60s, after all, but mostly. He was often trying to find non-violent routes, and get by without killing - even if they were in danger or had already been attacked. (See: the mugato, and the horta (until Kirk was the one in danger, lmao. t'hy'la > IDIC), the Gorn ship). Kirk, in his eulogy, calls him the most human soul he's ever known, and I've always read that as Kirk calling out Spock's overwhelming compassion.

It's just so much more interesting when Vulcans get to be radically compassionate. I want them to believe that everything and everyone has value. I want them to respect all ways of being. I want them to find ways for even very non-humanoid aliens to exist unfettered in society. I want them to see hybrids and think that it's amazing. Also, like, disability rep. I want Vulcans to have The Most Accessible Planet and available resources because they want everyone to feel accepted and valued. It makes for better characters and more interesting stories.

[teaboot]

Wait you had autism and still got along with the other kids and knew what was going on with them?? I was never able to do that! I still chose to do my own thing but would have been unable to answer those questions.

I mean I didn't really WANNA make friends for a super long time so it didn't really matter? And if anyone was outright mean I don't think I noticed till like 6th grade.

After 6th a few other kids liked to throw or kick things at my face or steal my art supplies or give me mean nicknames- I remember almost all the boys in my class one year started a thing where if I got within 4 feet of them they'd yell "[tea] GERMS!" and make a dramatic mad-dash escape, and that was kinda hurtful, but IDK how long that was a thing??

Anyhow I started asking them if they had a crush on me or if they were just stupid, and when they asked what I meant I'd just be like "well there's two reasons boys act stupid around girls. Either you have a crush on me, or you're just always this stupid"

And that invariably led to them yelling "I'm stupid, I'm stupid!" or telling me, "I'd rather say I'm stupid than say I like you!"

Which might have been hurtful if I wasn't growing into a mild superiority complex that assured me I was smarter than them, and nicer than them, and there was really no need to desire the approval of stupid, mean people.

(This was, of course, backed up by the fact that my father was one of those mean, stupid sorts of people, and I fully beleived if I could handle him, I could handle anyone my size, and so what if you dont like me? My own dad doesnt like me, am i supposed to value your opinion?)

Then by highschool I got hot, and if one of them started chatting me up I'd just be like "You wrote in my yearbook in 2002 that I was a huge loser. Why would I want to hang out with you"

And by THEN I'd met enough genuinely fun, interesting people who actually liked me that I was never around anyone who openly disliked me anyways.

Not until I started to realize I wasn't 100% a girl and cut my hair off- Then I started hearing other girls whispering to each other that I looked like a lesbian- gasp- which, again, was actually pretty funny, 'cause then I'd just tell them not to get their hopes up 'cause I wasn't available.

Then I graduated, and moved, and it turns out I'm actually kind of hot funny smart and successful, and whenever I fall into the deep deep pit of dumb ugly stupid imposter-syndrome, I remember that as mean as other kids were sometimes, their parents thought I was the best.

So anyways get fucked Gabe from ninth grade, your mom used to give me candy and bail me out of detention. I had the biggest fucking crush on your mom dude

[soapdispensersalesman]

Been thinking about what the genre of my main music project (and my work in general) could be. I think it might be existentialism.

I've only learned about it very recently though but it does resonate with me and how I've been feeling so who knowz

[andsewingishalfthebattle]

Novice sewing pattern: Cut out shapes. Line up the little triangles on the edges. Stitch edges together. We've also included step-by-step assembly instructions with illustrations.

Novice knitting pattern: yOU MUSt uNDerstANd thE SECret cOdE CO67 (73, 87, 93) BO44 (63, 76, 90) 28 (32, 34) slip first pw repeat 7x K to end *kl (pl) 42 * until 13" (13, 13, 15) join new at 30 pl for 17 rows ssk 27 k2tog mattress lengthwise BO and sacrifice a goat to the knitting gods. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT "INSTRUCTIONS," I JUST GAVE THEM TO YOU

[alciefromwonderland]

Having three cats is nonsense

Moose needs hairball specific food because he insists on bathing the other two because they clearly can't do it themselves

Gizmo almost exclusively eats chicken and tuna flavors - god forbid you try to get him anything fancier

And Asriel needs a new food every week because he gets so bored with the food in his dish, he would rather avoid eating entirely instead of having the same dinner twice in a row

I am not a parent, but I am here dealing with the "my kids all need separate dinners" conundrum