#theyre saved on my old phone somewhere

[colorisbyshe]

i did it. except for maybe some posts lingering in my likes or idk my reddit saved, i have listened to and transferred all of the music i have saved to “check later,” all of my favorite music i bookmarked on firefox but never put on my phone, and the 3 thousand songs i had saved on an old hard drive

all of the music i enjoyed is now on my phone. it’s all in my hand now.

like i’m sure i have missed some songs but every single song i saved somewhere or noted was recommended to me… i did it theyre mine now

[thatonesquintern13]

episode seven- somewhere only we know:

• kat in present day in white witch clothes! exciting!

• she’s gonna bring back MODERN MEDICINE!?

• that just. can’t lead to good things

• there’s a lot happening!!

• alice finally tell kat to please stay for dell, kat only focused on jacob, dell getting another mysterious phone call, everyone is leaving alice behind

• a dell racing somewhere on the horse and kat running through the woods parallel

• would be crazy if they were both going to the pond

• OH MY GOD THEYRE BOTH AT THE POND 😰

• ohp mama mad

• more importantly dell what are YOU doing

• omg the mayor called dell to complain about the founders day edition of the herald 😭😭😭

• ELLIOT TRIED HIS BEST OKAY

• alice you know you taking the blame is not better right 😭

• thank god kat is taking some responsibility

• i don’t want kat and dell to fight please 🤧

• saved by the bell - or knock rather

• sam 🙄

• ugh i hate that kat is right about keeping the jacob stuff from dell until they are for sure for sure

• sam no one wants to go to a gallery rn read a room

• “just so we’re clear, one moonlight swim doesn’t mean i want to be one of your girls” yes thank you for thinking clearly rn

• “noted. and just to be even clearer, i was asking as a friend.” no you weren’t 🤨

• back to the fighting ):

• ooh perhaps some insight to the lingermore incident?

• dell always covering for kat to keep up the reputation of the landry name is unfortunately very real.

• “you are hiding something. and i wanna know what it is.” […] “can you just trust that i know what i’m doing?” “given our history? no.” i MEAN she got you there kat

• “well maybe it’s just better for the both of us if i go” why is that always your first option! it didn’t work the first time!

• and dell is too proud to back down.

• elliot at the pond!

• “i have to go back and bring him home, alive.” i’m just not sure that’s gonna work!

• “i know. i just- i want you to be safe” he’s so worried he’s not even trying the ‘that worked so well the last time’ argument.

• elliot doesn’t think the pond will allow the modern medicine and i agree

• oh my god i thought we were gonna get a katelliot i love you. 😮‍💨

• i’ll take a good luck though

• oh look the medicine came back up

• NICK!? in the present day???? hello????

• nick taking interest in the landry’s boat. likely thing for him to do.

• “i guess that makes me sound kinda old, huh?” a little 😪

• “i have to.. get ready for school.” “on saturday?” “work!” alice please get it together

• - 1814 -

• not coyle waiting by the pond.

• he and suzanna were both kinda casual about this. not what i was expecting from 1814

• lol kat walking right past him offering help

• “i’ll take you to jacob” “how is he?” “you’ll see” okay don’t love that answer

• “goodwin has everyone in town looking for the witch who hexed him. you be safer as a man.” suzanna JUST stopped calling her clothes manly 😪

• - present day -

• LOL nick scaring elliot

• was going to say how did he get in, but port haven doesn’t give ‘lock your front door’ type of city

• oh nvm he found the spare key 🤪

• forgot nick was engaged

• nick was a genuine surprise bc they didn’t even give him a section of the previously on before the ep

• boys weekend 😀

• he’s just proud of his boy and wants to make up for missing his founders day speech 🥹

• [DAWG. i had. so much typed and i switched apps to check something and tumblr refreshed and i lost it allllll😭😭😭😭. and it’s too late tonight to go all the way back in the ep so i guess i’ll stop here and watch it all again tomorrow 🙃🙃]

• [okay it’s been a couple of days but i’m back 🤧]

• actually i think watching this section again will be fine bc i’ve probably forgotten most of what happened

• - 1814 -

• we’ve got jacob in the lighthouse

• coyle please ofc katherine knows about the trapdoor. the lighthouse is kinda her thing

• ohp. okay bye.

• oh suzanna’s there (yall. i was spelling her name right the first time, but now i’ve come too far i’m not changing it back sorry)

• i just think coyle could’ve said ‘hey i gotta stay out here but suzanna’s in there with a light dw’ or something before closing that trap door

• katzanna hug!!!

• (TWH twitter posted about kat and suzanna and all the interactions were about katzanna lmaooo)

• jacob is unwell

• yeah idk why katherine is so worried. suzanna is literally magic

• here we go again sending katherine back into the fields 😭

• - present day -

• nick and elliot at the point.

• how does seeing alice at the point not give nick even a sense of deja vu or something. like she literally looks the same !!

• “did she have a 12-year-old put this paper together?” LMAO ELLIOT TRIED OKAY ADOBE IS HARD 😭

• evelyn has been reclused since The Incident 17 years ago.

• (which means whatever happened there, alice was born a year later which is WILD)

• some more vague statements to add to the lore of lingermore.

• lingerlore, if you would.

• they keep blaming “the kids” but i have a feeling some 20somethings we know and love and their time traveling friend may have been there too 👀

• a classic rita and dell porch swing sit 😌

• “do the hinges on my barn look rusty?” is that a euphemism 🫣

• LOL WAIT rita just said the same thing

• sam horse boy CANCELLED his date with rita 😤

• “apparently he’s serious about someone and off the market” get a job!! stay away from her!!!

• he better not get between rita and dell. i need that “shut up byron!” energy back

• (where is he btw…)

• back at the coffee shop.

• ooh! asking monica about The Incident. she’s messy she’ll tell us

• oof even former nemesis monica isn’t ratting on what kat someone did that night

• cool guy!

• “did you know anything about that party? lingermore, 2007?” “well i was one in 2007, so no.” oh!

• don’t encourage breaking and entering, cool guy (although technically no breaking if you have the key…)

• - 1814 -

• (i mostly remember my thoughts during this scene but i’ll be pretending they are new 😁)

• “do you even know what you’re doing?” “i know every inch of these woods.” that’s not what she asked coyle that’s two different things

• water hemlock feels like a surprise tool that’s gonna help us later…

• “you think that i’m actually a witch?” girl yes you jumped into a pond and didn’t come back for two days 😭

• DON’T put you hand over her mouth to shush her 😤 only suzanna is allowed to do that

• the witch hunters are coming

• i don’t love this trope-y ‘we both fell and now our faces are really close’ thing that’s happening here 🤨

• “when we find the witch, we’ll have ourselves a little bonfire” i TOLD YOU they would burn you at the stake, katherine

• you better BACK those lips up actually

• “i’m not a witch. i’m a time traveler” you see how that’s not better right 😭

• coyle is right to laugh that’s a ridiculous thing to say

• “don’t you want to know what happens in the future?” “fine. go on then.” “i probably shouldn’t. just for your sake.” “are you always this confounding or is it something i bring out in you?”* no, believe it or not she’s always like this 😪

• *in any other circumstance, that line would eat but i can’t be on board with this sorry

• “if you’re from the future like you say, there’s only one thing i’d like to know. who wins this blasted war?” if it was me i’d have to be like ‘aha ha funny story…. i actually don’t know. i’ll have to google that 😁’

• i should google it anyways bc what do you mean it ends in a draw 😭

• - present day -

• nick elliot dell !!

• nick interested in buying the boat. likely thing for him to be

• “you’d like to have that old thing?” “she deserves to be restored and brought back to life.” okay symbolism and metaphor

• man elliot can’t fix an engine can’t design a newspaper 😭 he’s got a lot of other great attributes i swear

• hey nick. shouldn’t you be putting your focus, time, and money, into, i don’t know? a wedding? 🤨

• sam’s here. again.

• the double take and look to dell elliot does 😭

• the herald!

• “you really looked at this layout and thought, ‘yep, this is ready to go out into the world’?” CAN THEY LIVE

• alice at the microfiche. likely place for her to be

• listen if they don’t want alice snooping they should just. answer her questions directly instead of being weird about it!

• “if something so bad did happen then how did it not make the news?” she’s right bc they once ran a story about a big cucumber

• “where’s the fire, nancy drew?” is that a saying? 😭😂

• physical archives! ofc!

• the story was pulled (probably bc dell threatened some people 👀)

• ooh photo negatives

• do they even know what those are 😪

• they’re holding them up to the light like they do. so i guess they’re safe for now

• close face trope strikes again

• hey isn’t cool guy already 18 🤨📸

• (i’m so sorry cool guy i really can’t remember your name rn…)

• - 1814 -

• thomas coyle: lighthouse keeping age. 🤧

• “so smuggling doesn’t pay the bills? 😬” humbled real quick

• jacob is stirring

• i’m so worried 1814 jacob isn’t going to remember being 8 years old with a sister in 1999 and kat is going to have to face the fact that he isn’t her jacob anymore ):

• suzanna immediately reassuring katherine (and me) that jacob’s reaction is bc of his fever, not kat 🥺

• “i don’t know what to do!” chyler is so good at making those little lines hit 😮‍💨

• oof all the illegal rum… not the best time to remember why we’re here in the first place

• oh the beach scene…

• CHYLER LEIGH THE ACTRESS THAT YOU ARE!!!!!

• let’s get her an emmy fr fr

• anyways let’s go back to the top of this scene so i can give my thoughts

• okay the first time i watched this i was kinda agreeing with coyle bc yeah it’s a different time blah blah. but this would not be the first time a landry man’s name would be wrongfully sullied. and colton wasn’t a cheater, so maybe jacob isn’t a thief!

• and like do i trust the smuggler saying the smuggling wasn’t his idea??

• “he’s the reason that hidden room even exists” the room is there bc little jacob knew about it bc it was there in ‘99 bc it was built by grown jacob in 1814 who knew about it bc it was there in ‘99 i-

• “the jacob i know, he’s smart and he’s creative and he’s kind” he’s a LANDRY GODAMMIT

• “he can be all of those things and still lie and cheat and steal” men really think that huh

• “he has a responsibility to his family” “I AM HIS FAMILY” TELL EM

• “then why are you judging him so harshly.” and this is why i don’t know if i believe coyle. bc kat was so determined that colton was not cheating, but she never judged him? there’s gotta be something else going on for her not to believe there’s a reasonable explanation for whatever is happening

• idk

• “jacob is dying! and i might never get to know him and he’s not gonna know me after all this time. and i have to know him, do you understand me?” thisssss read!!!!!!! come ooon. 🥺🥺

• (also the first time i watched this ep, my little brother was home for spring break and was leaving the next day… oof it got me.)

• why is he LIFTING HER

• what is it with men thinking the ocean will fix the landry women (lowkey kind right but still)

• i thought he was gonna kiss her so i guess lifting is the better option here

• actually katherine probably really needs this big cry. and being in the arms of a hot guy with an old timey accent doesn’t hurt either.

• [this is where i lost my notes last time!]

• AH sam jumpscare ( - present day - )

• not dinner and a fire dell get UP

• oh sam has daughters

• am i being too bitter about sam? maybe. but it’s fun.

• did i compare him to miguel from this is us or was that byron…. either way.

• bc we’re humanizing him with all this “i met somebody really special, right here, and i don’t want her to think she’s just one of many”

• let’s not forget that he dated rita first. where are your girl code ethics delly

• that’s right let him down easy

• “i’m just enjoying getting to know my neighbor” shut up

• (this is so out of character for me bc i’m number one hags in love advocate but sorry i’m not over the death of colton landry yet! it’s only been 25 years!)

• boys weekend ending the same way sam and dell’s night did we love a platonic firepit chat

• (but really we do. need to be outside by a fire IMMEDIATELY)

• “sore-ry” canadian 🫵🏽

• rip claire and nick we hardly knew ye 😪 (ship name click how could he let that go!)

• elliot’s/evan’s little “no!” was so cute.

• hmm someone who lives on a boat is not ideal husband material????? 🤨 i’ll keep my thoughts to myself but iykyk

• “maybe sometimes love just isn’t enough” woah woah woah lets not get crazy here, guys. they needed this boys weekend for real 🤧

• - 1814 -

• *opens on katherine beach bonfire* ‘oh everybody is at a fi-’ *coyle walks up* ‘everybody is at a platonic fire tonight’

• “what if i never get the chance to really know him” you do know him, katherine. i promise

• “i’ve lost two brothers” okay well it’s not a contest

• “losing jacob would be like losing a third” we’re humanizing him now too!?

• “how could i be so close, yet so far?” “jacob once asked me that very same question” yep yep yep

• “about the stars” oh we are back on track baby!!

• “i told him the distance, whether it’s from stars or from people, is not the thing to worry about. worry when you can’t find them at all. […] don’t lose sight of those stars just yet.” okay he got me. beautiful line 😭

• - present day -

• oh cool guys name is noah! how could i forget

• [also just said, ‘noah? i hardly know ‘er!’ and made myself giggle so. that’s where i am.]

• wow going “old school” with a phone call how 2000s of her

• god alice this voicemail is going from bad to worse quit while you’re barely ahead

• yep ofc you sent the message instead of deleting it. (how does one delete a voicemail not that i’d ever leave one but)

• LOL NICK JUST STANDING THERE ON THE BOAT 🧍🏼

• again how does he not realize his alice is this alice. she’s exactly the same.

• - 1814 -

• suzanna watching over her landrys 🥹

• sleeping on the floor in 1814 is not going to be good for katherine’s back.

• h a n d s

• see coyle was working with suzanna’s father and then tried to BRIBE her after he died to keep the business going! how am i supposed to believe jacob did this on his own

• also suzanna is not safe here! these men just want to use her!

• jacob is coughing? choking? seizing? hard to say but something is happening!

• and not even suzanna knows how to help him 😰

• JACOB TO THE POND!?

• “it doesn’t matter what happens to me.” i mean i think it matters a little bit….

• also what a cop out ‘wHaT iF tHeY cAtCh uS?’o kay be better at sneaking???

• YEAH forgot about your DAUGHTER 🤨

• a lot of touchy feely going on here that i don’t love….

• pete’a there are horses he’a 😧

• i know he’s telling her to go back to the cellar so she’s not seen by goodwin’s men but i still don’t trust him

• “just promise me that you’ll be careful” “now what fun would that be?” i don’t trust him but damn he’s good

• - present day -

• the point!

• oh no. rita. please don’t break my besties up

• please!! leave the newspaper alone i can’t keep defending them 😭

• hey why didn’t they ask kacey to help they literally WORKED at the herald. 🙃

• sam is here

• wait rita is taking this surprisingly well.

• she even got me kicking my feet twirling my hair i love besties!!!!

• and dell is 🤏🏽 this big 🤭

• “well if nothing else, he’s got great taste in women” IKTR

• “i am more than okay with this” well i’m not! almost caught me monologuing 😤

• not the coffee shop hard launch please the herald will be badly printing you two on the front page by tomorrow morning!!!!

• actually yes string this man along and get free labor out of him

• omg the colton fakeout

• yeah girl that’s your GUILT 🤧

• ITS ONLY BEEN 25 YEARS DELLY

• back to present day nick and alice

• “i don’t know what’s wrong with me.” felt

• i don’t know where i thought the engine of a boat would be but i was wrong

• “you’ve got plenty of time to figure it all out” “it’s funny bc time never really seems to be on my side. ever.” okay no one told you to fall for someone in 1999 in fact, they told you specifically not to 😭

• “i always seem to fall for the ones i can’t actually be with.” “trust me, i know how what that feels like, especially at your age” wow they really were the greatest story that could never be told ):

• “if you think someone’s worth it, tell them how you feel. there’s no point in hiding it” AND COOL GUY PULLS UP??? okayyyyy

• the worth it look 🥺🥺🥺

• alice actually happy COMING 🔜

• well. until we figure out the lingermore thing…..

• - 1814 -

• i don’t believe goodwin is smart enough to think about the lighthouse. someone must’ve told him 🤨

• jacob is literally fighting for his life 🤧 this wouldn’t have been a problem if coyle had stopped yappin and helped them take jacob to the pond like katherine wanted

• katzanna crumbs 🤌🏽

• how big is the inside of a light house… there’s a lot of stomping up there. all the stairs probably?

• a GUN SHOT !? 😨

• forgot suzanna had a knife. all katherine has is like 30 bottles of rum

• i mean ofc it’s thomas. i wasn’t worried about that.

• but what was the gun shot about???? that’s kinda suspicious right???

• like let’s make them think we fought and i shot you 🤨

• mmm “cyrus giving the all clear” likely story

• “we’re all safe” well except for jacob. who is dying.

• - present day -

• noah said lemme run to bestbuy right quick and get a scanner

• “the program’s pretty simple” well that’s what we said about adobe and now no one will let them live that down

• wait a BOY in your ROOM, alice!? 😟

• doors open tho ✋🏽

• “music?” “sure! any requests?” “no, just hit play. let’s see what you’re listening to” OKAYYYY that would work on me 🫣

• also so mortifying.

• I WANT IT THAT WAY LMAO

• she’s not like other girls she’s quirky she loves late 90s early 2000s music bc she was there

• can’t lie that’s exactly the kind of song that would come up if i just hit play

• what are the chances cool guy knows all the words bc of that brooklyn 99 cold open

• “my mom’s a superfan” making alice feel like the crypt keeper here

• 🎶now number five🎶

• LMAO WAIT THE “PROGRAM” IS LITERALLY STILL ADOBE

• they’re really gonna have a ‘number five killed my brother. oh god i forgot about that’ moment with these pictures aren’t they

• oh no dell’s home she gonna be mad at alice

• ‘uh grandma we weren’t ALONE my former boyfriend nick was literally outside the whole time???’

• “good news i got the engine running” and there’s the wrap up of that metaphor

• whatever let’s move on

• dell’s not selling the boat !! take THAT

• tell me why is still playing in the background and i can’t decide if it’s funnier if it’s non-diegetic and they just wanted us to have a nice bop for this, or if it’s diegetic and alice is just playing her music that loud

• LOL she’s just playing her music that loud 😭😭😭

• ‘uh grandma we weren’t ALONE my former boyfriend nick was literally outside the whole time and my window was open???’

• “is that alice singing?” oh my god is he gonna recognize her

• i’ve been saying it this whole time but the moment it’s actually a possibility i literally gasped out loud

• “isn’t she something?” “unforgettable” NICK

• omg omg.

• KISSING

• IN THE BED ROOM

• YOU’RE GONNA GIVE YOUR GRANDMOTHER A HEART ATTACK oh okay she didn’t come in

• oh cool guy is sorry…. but he has a reason. a reason we will not know bc the pictures are ready 😁

• “wait is that blood” the lingerlore plot THICKENS

• number five killed my brother fr

• blood! and a mask! a different one from earlier!

• GLASSES!? ELLIOT!?

• what happened to baby elliot 😭 what did kat dooooo

• there goes present day elliot and his time jump journal of LIES again

• “how can i face alice again, if she ever comes back?!?!” baby elliot what did YOU do

• “i broke-” I BROKE WHAT WHAT DID YOU BREAK a promise? a heart? a name? 😨

• - 1814 -

• “jacob, please don’t go. we’re supposed to be a team, remember?” THIS SHOW IS NOT FOR OLDER SISTERS WITH YOUNGER BROTHERS 😭😭

• chyler singing!!!!

• IS SHE SINGING DELL AND COLTONS SONG ARE YOU KIDDING ME

• HE’S REMEMBERING

• HE’S GONNA BE SO UPSET THAT COLTON IS DEAD OH MY GOD

• “kat?” AHHHHHH

• fin.

📺: the way home - season two

season one recap 🩵

episode one - the space between:

• watching the ‘previously on’ like i didn’t just spend the week recapping it

• thought this was jacob and dell but it’s just another little boy and older lady

• “it will always take you where you need to go.” 👀

• picking up where season one left off. kat and dell were literally JUST healing and now where back to murder boarding

• oh we’re just immediately jumping into the FROZEN pond

• it didn’t work!

• kat you know that’s not how it works !! just get out before you freeze!!!

• oh god now alice is in the pond

• and YEAH we’re BENEATH THE ICE

• ALICE

• KAT DONT YOU KNOW CPR

• CHEST COMPRESSIONS

• oh god alice is back okay

• so much just happened oh my god

• a note for kat on elliot’s door ):

• me and elliot squabbin the next time i see him 😤

• (did anyone else’s school use the word squab around like 2015?? 2016??)

• “if i’ve learned anything these last few months it’s the worst thing to waste is time.” i gUESS!

• now how can a dog time travel 😭 the pond is SICK for that

• “the pond is done with us, allie. we have to be done with it.” we’ll see

• they’re making a pact to stay in the present

• time jump! seven months laterrrr

• hello?? DECODE PARAMORE?!?!

• and kat is jogging through the woods like is this twilight???

• passed elliot’s (still empty) house. hayley williams is right, how did we get here 😭

• ofc kat is listening to decode she’s an emo millennial

• if you think about it this kinda is like twilight. she’s gonna jump off a cliff next probably

• dell landry: bee keeping age!!!

• where’d the horse come from? 🤨

• “hey, boy. who are you?” oh so neither of us know okay

• oh! it’s the last day of school!

• not spencer from school pulling up

• and maybe zoe from school? hard to say

• alice is leaving!? oh going to the states with brady

• “that’s the thing about shared custody, eventually you have to share.” rip /:

• ugh r*chel mention

• “i am screening your next guy! these last two, they’ve been so very disappointing.” LAST TWO!?

• oh she meant brady and elliot 😂

• “brady only disappointed in the later years. we don’t.. we don’t talk about elliot.” yeah still too soon formerly nemesis monica

• lol so new guy leaves (suspiciously 🤨) and kat is like “okay fiiine i’ll take over the herald and hire myself back!! if i must!!!”

• and good for her!

• oh someone’s died 😰

• evelyn goodwin??

• oldest member of the most prestigious (and wealthiest) family in port haven. an institution, dell says!

• linger?more?

• oh elliot has the AUDACITY to send post cards 😤

• yeah, alice you’re right to roll your eyes at him!!

• we’re getting so much landry lore!

• but also more evidence for my jacob is his own ancestor theory

• the landrys were a founding family of port haven with the aforementioned goodwins

• dell talking about HAPPY MEMORIES OF COLTON!!!! 🥹

• we’re throwing a summer partyyyy

• landry ladies kitchen dancing 🥹

• ruined! by brady calling 😤

• oh so kat and alice are on the same wavelength as me. no wonder kat knows so much about her great great whoevers

• they stuck to their word, no pond!

• “yeah, well. elliot’s not around anymore to give us those pearls of wisdom.” “when are you gonna let that go?” no, no. hold that grudge, alice.

• “elliot promised that he would always be there to help, and when we needed him the most […], he bails.” just like the avatar 😪

• can’t help but notice the herald is brighter now that new guy is gone.

• now i know brady isn’t trying to blame KAT for the shared custody thing

• are we ever gonna be introduced to rachel bc now it’s getting suspicious

• “alice is no distraction, she’s the glue” she really is huh 😭

• ooooh evelyn goodwin put the herald in her will???

• kat is going to ✨lingermore✨

• (i’m guess that’s the goodwin estate?)

• “no wonder you turned the herald into a weekly, you’re always here” okay dell kinda ate with that one 😭

• “i’m going up the hill” me: kate bush?

•but also: *eerie music change* “i’m going with you.”

• okay now i’m scared of lingermore

• oh something has Happened here…

• sorry, evelyn saved everything to open a museum and her son was just like “eh oh well. gonna sell.” ??? hate men.

• oooh but now the herald gets it all!!

• now kat has the entire history of port haven at her fingertips! finding jacob has literally never been easier.

• oh something Sinister has Happened here… 😰

• alice! step away from that pond! you promised your mother!!

• oh she’s just coming to say goodbye ):

• girl back up that’s literally how you fell in the first time!!

• oh it’s LITERALLY how she fell in the first time? the bracelet hello???

• i do enjoy that when i gasp now it’s actually stuff i am surprised about

• is dell gonna have flashbacks of her own of this place now?

• she’s just sad about evelyn ):

• you know. this was kinda how dell’s future was looking before kat and alice showed up…

• yeah how is kat supposed to get all these boxes back to the herald

• UM

• why’s this portrait look just like kat 😀

• “MY KATHERINE, 1814” HELLO

• what did evelyn know 👀

• aww the jewelry dish

• we are immediately back to kat and alice keeping secrets from each other 🫠

• she’s a runna she’s a track star 🏃🏻‍♀️

• oh! note’s gone from the door! is elliot back???

• omg he’s back

• “well kat landry!” “oh… elliot augustine…” okayyyy

•god, kat might as well have just said “you look hot” that would’ve been less embarrassing 😭

• (and he does, she was right.)

• why is elliot being weird

• wait. just realized this man LEFT in the MIDDLE OF THE SCHOOL YEAR??? elliot there’s a TEACHER SHORT- wait they’re canadian…. is there a canadian teacher shortage??

• um but still. in the middle of the year, dawg??

• okay elliot when have you ever “imposed” on the landrys be so for real

• omg kat get up girl you are not playing it cool rn

• “i will never understand why she took elliot’s travels so hard” bc they’re besties??? (also bc that’s her stepdad but we apparently are keeping that a secret)

• dell didn’t notice that kat and alice were literally time traveling but she DID clock kat and elliot and that is, once again, so southern of her.

• “i haven’t seen you wear the bracelet in forever! i was beginning to think you lost it.” hehe about that…

• no actually WHY is elliot so… off i’m starting to not trust this… like go back to the caribbean if you’re gonna be like this

• “somebody had a glow up.” lmao rita!!

• “looks like elliot had what the kids call a hot boy summer” RITA!!!

• oh so alice didn’t know about katelliot and is really just mad bc elliot is her bestie!!!

• “and besides, there is no us, really. right?” ELLIOT YOU’RE THE BIGGEST DUMB DUMB THERE IS

• fumbled the bag

• he didn’t even say GOODBYE!? god what is with these men

• “great party, dell.” 😭😂

• “you better get out there and get a lobster before rita pilfers them all” lol okay great callback

• “[the farm] will always be here waiting for you.” 🥹

• fireworks for colton 😭😭😭😭

• flashbacks for everyone 🥺

• i miss colton landry

• ugh how long are kat and elliot going to pretend they don’t love each other

• alice is connecting dots

• colton and baby elliot 🥺 the club house is always there for him to have a space 😭

• “don’t waste any time, kid. because it’s never guaranteed.” and elliot thought that was a joke?? i-

• *branch snaps* “did you hear that?” WHO CAME BACK 🫵🏽

• “i saw that look between you and elliot. are you two together?” alice you’re far too late

• alice you didn’t ruin anything, sweetie 😭

• kinda rude that i grew up an hour from the beach and never went to a summer bonfire beach party in high school. (i didn’t go to parties in hs who am i kidding)

• oh! we’re being haunted by our past! cool.

• an elliot mixtape!!! IN THE CLUBHOUSE

• aww elliot’s here.

• with a STRONG candian ‘sorry’

• oh they met alice after the last summer cookout… interesting

• i thought “traveling” was a euphemism. but he actually meant time traveling lol

• “i’m sorry i didn’t say goodbye. i just knew if i saw you, i wouldn’t go.” OKAY AND WOULD THAT HAVE BEEN SO BAD

• just sitting on the bed nothing crazy

• SCREAMING !!!!!

• grey’s anatomy training 😏

•making out with all for you playing in the background. gonna cry actually.

• elliot apologizing right away 😭 okay there’s the awkward guy i missed

• “i’m not your problem anymore” WHY WOULD SHE SAY THATTTTT

• ALEXA, PLAY EXHILE BY TAYLOR SWIFT

• the sad part is, they could just go right back to how they were. like elliot is so willing to be that sounding board for kat.

• but. he blew it. super hard. complete buffoonery.

• “welcome home.” damn she’s cold

• baby nick!!!

• ugh elliot was gonna make his move RIGHT before kat met brady 😭

• so i guess spencer from school and zoe from school are??? no more???

• alice is still hung up on nick 😭 girl he’s old let it gooo

• why are they making her sing rn

• now look you’ve made her get stage fright again. (it’s definitely not the ghosts of her mother’s past coming to haunt her…)

• kat and dell finally getting the mother daughter relationship they deserve??

• is the house called lingmore or lingermore… i need to look this up

• the subtitles are telling me lingermore. dell’s accent is just thick lmao

• oh! see, dell thought evelyn reminded her of herself too.

• “i wanna build back our relationship. i wanna get to know you again.” yup yup yup 🥹

• kat has also noticed that dell is talking about colton and jacob in a positive light now

• “no more regrets, only resets” dell would kill on facebook

• ugh, i know Something is going to happen and it’s gonna ruin everything we accomplished in this scene

• um why are we back at the “did you hear that” scene 😰

• WHO IS THAT!?!?? 🫵🏽

• colton???? new guy?????? JACOB!?!?!?

• oh my god

• the blurry polaroid!!

• alice and kat sharing their secrets! season of healing!

• kat don’t let her manipulate you like this!

• okay or do. whatever.

• wait elliot send that text 😭 you gotta be the one to fix this, dude.

• neighbor!? who is this man???

• they better not be trying to give dell another love interest 😤

• could be elliot’s dad tho? but i doubt it

• suspicious buyer of the neighboring farm????

• the new buyer isn’t going to lease the fields sooo what does that mean 😅

• dell is going to be losing money?

• AND WHOSE HORSE IS THIS

• don’t tell me that horse jumped in the pond 🤧

• mother daughter pond jump 🤪

• “it’ll take us where we need to go” what could go wrong! 😀

• BABY ELLIOT!?

• has present elliot been LYING to present kat this whole time??????

• if i got sent to 1814- hold up who is that

• not the gun

• HELLO

• grey’s anatomy training (dying in a horrific way)

• um. okay 😀

fin.

[sonicunleash]

Amy :)

@werehog

Amy

Sexuality Headcanon: She's like 12 but I thinks shes starting to figure it out a little that she's a lesbian. I really like the headcanon that amy's big crush on sonic is a comphet thing because it just would make so much sense

Gender Headcanon: SHES GOT TRANS GIRL SWAG 9000 FRRRR I imagine shes just got 1 billion different outfits somewhere (actually where does she live shes 12.... with vanilla maybe? or maybe its just a tails situation where shes a child but shes still just chillin on her own somehow) anyways she always sees one she really likes and gets excited and shes having so much fun with it!!!

A ship I have with said character: she's 12 i don't really care about that

A BROTP I have with said character: oooooo thats tough. Amy and Knuckles is a big one theyre both big fans of smashing things and all of raf's amy and knuckles headcanons now live in my head rent free-- she visits his island and makes sure he's not just totally alone and she always brings new things for him to do like he's got board games up there now :) (not that sonic and tails dont do similar things, I definitely imagine sonic gets souvenirs for him time to time and tails trys to give him something like a simple phone that can work on angel island and more-- its just amy gets up there more often. somehow. she finds her way) Anyways amy and sonic are also really good too-- she really is like his little sister to him I feel, and honestly i love when in the comics sometimes she messes with sonic by playing up her crush and but like its all in good fun. I just really like seeing sometimes how they really do care for each other and have known each other for a longer time than most now, and now just kinda mess around with amd tease each other-- s/namy fans dont fucking touch this theyre siblings

A NOTP I have with said character: s/namy and really any amy ship. people try to break their back trying to find someone to pair this 12 year old with even relatively otherwise normal sonicbloggers but she's 12 i promise you don't need to bring back maria from the dead just to give her a girlfriend. also im pretty sure only sonic x made maria 12 i always thought maria was 15 in the games? or am i crazy.

A random headcanon: well this is kind of embarrassing I don't know if I have any like. solid headcanons for her in my head... well i got one I think she's actually really big on cartoons and shounen anime like she just loves anything with big cheesy heroics. also I think amy does like to bake but I don't think she's incredible at it yet. Like she's learning she's got an easy bake oven and all that but well she's twelve and also busy saving the world with her friends a lot

General Opinion over said character: she's my best friend my bestie shes adorable she's just a little hedgehog and every time sonic x played Silly music when she was kicking ass i personally am going to the execs and grabbing and shaking them STFU SHES COOL!!!!!!

[plounce]

what if gay CATS........... were gay PERSONS

(info on this au under the cut)

theyre all shitty young adults just kind of. getting through their early 20s as best they can. or as much as they can. maybe things will get better someday, but right now they’re kind of spinning their wheels

magic exists but like eh it’s not a big thing don’t worry about it. it’s around but like whatever. not many people have it and it’s mostly just like. a curiosity or a party trick

demeter and bombularina are together, tugger and mistoffelees are together, bombularina and tugger occasionally fwb, it’s cool and aboveboard and it’s all fine

demeter:

bisexual with a preference for women. 24 years old

semi-psychic (not as powerful as tantomile or coricopat). tends to have vague and confusing prophetic dreams

dropped out of grad school for sociology due to trauma and ensuing intensified mental illness. kind of bitter about it, but tries to get through every day. general anxiety disorder even before all that

very nervous around most men she doesn’t know & trust

currently working at a barnes & noble starbucks, which sucks. she recently became the assistant manager, which turbo sucks because now she has more work for only like a buck raise, but at least she’s getting reliable shifts

her go-to therapy is cutting her hair with scissors. her hair is fried to all hell from regular bleaching

she’s learning how to crochet because she’s decided she needs to do something physically productively creative with her hands to distract herself from Stuff

bombalurina:

bisexual. 24 years old

got her bachelor’s in english two years ago and hasn’t found a job in her field and has kind of given up on it for now

she’s been bartending for like four years, does freelance editing work on the side. will occasionally write listicles for clickbait sites if she needs extra cash

literally any extra money she can save goes to tattoos. her right sleeve’s almost done

has natural red hair but dyes it cherry red

a hedonist to cope but is also just a natural hedonist. likes a good bath

i know that like the typical thing fandoms say about female characters is “doesn’t take shit” for the girlboss points but she truly does not take shit anymore. she used to take people’s shit sometimes but at this point in her life she’s tired and she has a girlfriend to be protective of. she has a couple people whose shit she will take (mostly just tugger) but besides them (and having to practice basic customer service to keep her job) she’s tired of other people’s shit! enough!

my personal take on bombalurina is a mix between the riot grrrls of the 90s and 80s punk girls, and then a dash of the greaser chicks from grease. i saw that spiked collar and my brain went OH okay i can run with this somewhere fun. same for demeter, but less so - she just has the piercings.

demelurina:

bombalurina met demeter in college at a women’s activism club, noticed her because of her dimple piercings and was like “oh someone else with a lot of metal in her face, i’ll sit next to her”

they were each other’s first off-campus roommates and were close friends. made out a couple times, but it was mostly a lot of sexual tension. there was a lot of bombalurina staring at demeter while she or demeter made out with someone else

demeter was on and off with her high school boyfriend munkustrap and bombalurina was like “oh he’s so much more stable/calm than me and she needs that, i party a bit too much for her, i shouldn’t try anything” so she just sort of. lets their almost-there peter off

(this is all bombalurina’s internal thoughts - demeter always was interested in her, but thought she was too boring for bombalurina. so neither of them thought they could pursue it)

bombalurina graduated and moved somewhere cheaper further away from campus. they kind of drift apart

munkustrap and demeter peter off and he moves away for a job (they’re still good friends, it was a very amicable breakup) and then demeter gets with macavity, which is a deeply toxic situation for her and sucks hugely and throws her whole life really off track. won’t go into further details

she finally manages to break up with him and calls bombalurina at like 2 am asking if she can pick her up, and also if she can sleep on her couch, it’s okay if that’s not okay, she just. really needs a place she feels safe, and her gut is telling her to. and of course bombalurina says yes

bombalurina also knew macavity and had also made out a couple times with him at like parties and stuff (see: staring at demeter as she makes out with people). something about transference of feelings - bombalurina was into him for a couple moments because he and demeter had a thing.

this is due to me interpreting the song “macavity” as actually about bombalurina wanting to fuck demeter and her singing as a half-repressed expression of that. i use my really good wlw brain to reach that conclusion. it’s kind of a non-competitive version of eve sedgwick’s take on the love triangle. (<-- normal thing to say)

but anyway demeter stays on bombalurina’s couch and she tries so hard to stay on track but eventually she just has to drop out. bombalurina helps her with that too. she’s just really supportive even as demeter’s life is at its lowest point. when she gets home from bartending she gets demeter to go to sleep

she just Stays with her and makes her smile and reminds her that her life isn’t over, there’s still things in her day to enjoy, to keep her trudging forward

bombalurina is roommates with tugger at this point - he also recently dropped out and demeter knows him because he’s munkustrap’s brother, so he’s Trusted and also is like “hey it’s okay that you dropped out, im here and im chilling and you like me and respect me at least a little, and you have a bachelor’s degree at least!” (more on him later)

demeter is like “oh god ive been crashing at their place for so long not paying rent, theyre gonna ask me to leave, im such a freeloader, they wont take my attempts at paying rent” but then bombalurina and tugger are like “hey! the lease is almost up! we found a pretty good 3 bedroom, do you wanna have your own room for real?” and she nearly cries because 1. the RELIEF 2. oh my god you want me around???

cut to bombalurina helping demeter put together an ikea dresser (tugger got banished to the kitchen to make crystal light lemonade for them because he’s useless with a screwdriver) and demeter has two epiphanies:

1. i thought i was ready to d*e four months ago and here i am making a dresser to put clothes into in my new apartment where i live and feel safe and loved. im still not happy but im still alive and im making a dresser

2. holy fuck im back in love with my best friend, and ten times more than i was back then.

so she like kind of freaks out because she’s already imposed so much on bombalurina, how could she impose her FEELINGS on her like this, oh no oh no oh no

meanwhile bombalurina’s back in love with her even MORE and she’s also like no... she’s already dealing with so much... i don’t want to make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe in her own home especially after her recent relationship trauma... i just want her to feel safe around me...

you might think tugger as their roommate would be like “JUST KISS” but he is in fact pretty oblivious because he is self-absorbed. mistoffelees on the other hand..

eventually they do have a big confession of feelings after demeter has a bad day and it’s very dramatic and they make out in the rain. and it’s like. well this is a movie scene. but also im cold and damp. let’s head inside our home and get warm and dry :)

and then they go inside and and talk through everything, all their feelings (not just their romantic feelings but like ALL their feelings) and their shared histories and bombalurina is like “do you think you’re... ready for a relationship right now? like that would be a good thing for you?”

and demeter considers it. she does stop and think. and then she says, “with anyone else... probably not. but it’s you. and i feel so safe around you, and we’re already so close. you make the future feel more worth it. you make more days alive feel not just tolerable, but something to look forward to. and knowing you’ve loved me all this time... it’s nice. it’s good. i’m - i’m understating it so much, it’s more than nice, it’s just - it’s a lot. i wish i had noticed back then.” “hey, hey, don’t blame yourself. i’m the one who never said anything.”

anyway. everything works out, and they start dating for real :)

tugger:

bisexual. 22 years old

dishwasher at the same bar bombalurina works at. she got him the job. he keeps bugging her to teach him bartending tricks and on slow nights she will agree to

he dropped out of their four year, but he managed to secure an associate’s in communications before he dipped

trying to be an ig influencer hotboy and hopefully get modeling jobs from that but his phone’s camera sucks shit so his account isn’t really going anywhere. but he continues to post his low resolution shirtless selfies

trying to cope with being the failure son who does not have a fancy nonprofit job with a salary and healthcare by being self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing

it works about 60% of the time and 60% of the times that it doesn’t he’s able to hide it

he dropped out right around when bombalurina graduated and he was like HEY! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE WHO DOESN’T CARE IF WE LIVE TEN MILES AWAY FROM CAMPUS? WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU: ME!

to which bombalurina (who has fooled around with him here and there and thinks he is funny little man and genuinely goodhearted, and also he has rockin abs as a plus) says munkustrap already asked me if i need a roommate and if i do to consider you, because you don’t want to move back home. in other words: yes, you little idiot

they do fool around with each other but they are both very understanding that it is strictly platonic and for fun, especially once they become roommates. they both do not desire each other for anything serious

he did have a bit of a crush on each other when they met (hot punk older girl who’s friends with his brother) but 1. it dissipated pretty quick after they fooled around for the first time because it was not a very serious crush 2. she was in the middle of being in love with demeter so she was focused on that, emotionally

he got his ears pierced a couple times in high school but bombalurina inspired him to get a couple more. she went with him when he got his nose pierced

demeter has always understood that him and bombalurina are strictly fwb, has never been an issue.

she and him like to bleach their hair together when their hair schedules line up (he bleaches his way less often then she does), but she refuses to use his fancy conditioner that keeps his hair unfried because it’s expensive, even though he tells her to go ahead and use it, please, the health of her hair is giving HIM anxiety, demeter please. please demeter

mistoffelees:

gay. 20 years old

has magic. it’s pretty good magic but again: magic is not a big deal in this concept

a bit spooky. skulks around. a bit of a bitch but also very very nice. chooses when to speak

he has postings on craigslist and fiverr about finding lost objects and people with magic. like a gig economy private detective

side job is a waiter at a fancy restaurant

sometimes he gets paid VERY well from the private detecting, depending on the client. he does ask his psychic friends (tantomile & coricopat) to give a quick glance over on some of the more suspicious clients just to make sure he isn’t finding someone who should not be found by that person.

doesn’t go to college. is roommates with his sister victoria, who’s a freshman and studying dance. moved into town with her so she wouldn’t have to live in the dorms by having a guaranteed roommate.

tuggoffelees:

the general vibe i want for these two is mistoffelees walking around town or driving around in his shitty toyota camry while tugger tags along because he’s bored and thinks this is cool as shit

the general tone of the au is “magic isn’t a big deal” except for tugger, who thinks mistoffelees’ magic and his magic freelancing is the coolest shit ever. this is mostly because he just likes mistoffelees. “there are people who can do cooler shit than me, tug” “yeah but i don’t KNOW them also theyre not as COOL as you” “you had to explain to me how instagram reels work”

idk how they met i just think tugger shows up at his and bombalurina’s apartment one day (this is when demeter has moved in but they havent moved to the 3br yet) with this dude to dash in and pick something up and bombalurina is like “uh. who’s this” “oh this is mistoffelees he’s SO GOOD AT MAGIC” [mistoffelees nods hello] “okay bye bombalurina see you at work!!!” “uh. later”

after that he just shows up a lot. sort of ambiguous if theyre dating or what for a while before bombalurina straight up asks like “hey does the dude you’re dating know we fool around” “the dude im - what?” “... the little magic guy who keeps using our hot cocoa mix. misty.” “oh. uh. we aren’t dating.” “... do you want to? because you’re kind of all over him constantly” “um. well! haha, if i wanted to, i could! haha!” “yeah get back to me on that”

tugger trying to use his ig clout to get mistoffelees more work even though 1. he has no clout 2. mistoffelees has a very stable client base. but mistoffelees appreciates the effort. the self-promo guy promoing someone other than himself... the highest expression of love...

mistoffelees is A Nonthreatening Man plus he’s pretty obviously gay so demeter is chill around him pretty quickly. when mistoffelees is over they’ll sit on the couch where demeter sleeps and watch documentaries quietly while she crochets

they both occasionally say spooky shit at the same time because magic stuff. bombalurina and tugger are both torn between “that was cool as fuck” and “god that’s unnerving”

just a lot of tugger following mistoffelees around on his jobs and mistoffelees letting him because he’s fond of him and them occasionally getting into minor peril and interesting shenanigans, but it is 90% fetch quests

i think the first time they met tugger was taking selfies in front of a hydrangea in a public park and he saw mistoffelees walk up with a shovel and start digging in one of the flower beds and he thought he was hot so he went over and offered to take over on the shoveling to look strong and masculine and he ended up digging up a skull, which mistoffelees picked up and said “thanks” and then walked away

mildly terrifying but also very interesting and tugger’s days are kind of boring and dishwashing kind of sucks as a job to do like every night and he is a person who thrives on novelty so. moth to a porchlight

i think they do start making out for fun here and there and then a while later theyre out on one of mistoffelees’ jobs and someone asks “who’s the guy with you” and mistoffelees replies “oh that’s my boyfriend, don’t worry about him” and then it’s like. “HUH? I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND?” “uh. yeah? i assumed. is that okay?” “i mean yeah of course i think you’re great! how long have we–” “oh like a while.” “oh. uh. cool!!”

they just hang out a lot. mistoffelees enjoys teasing him and enjoys his warmth and bombasticity and tugger likes watching and helping him solve little mysteries around the county because it’s always something new. they’re kind of a comedy duo. they just enjoy spending their time together and following mistoffelee’s internal magic gps to find lost dogs and lost necklaces

yeah right now this au is just vibes and just sort of. continuing forward with your days and your weeks and your months. just young adults hanging out

[maya-net]

Documentation on a Silver Exorcist, a Small Medium, a Smiling Siren, et al. - Chapter 1

Chapter 1 - Stars Align: Emma Xing Qixin, Tech Support and Professional Administrator of the Unofficial Zheng Ge’s Fanclub

The rustling of the seven large plastic packages of heavily discounted ramen complements the unforgivably nasty squeak of the styrofoam that protects the equally heavily discounted century eggs that Emma had spent the last of her weekly budget on. Squashed together in a trusty, faded blue shopping bag, they are placed very carefully on the chair. Her backpack is dropped just slightly less carefully onto another chair, and she rolls her shoulders, breathing in the various blends of caffeine and sugar wafting around the SunDollarsTM store that she had desperately scouted for.  

Xiqiang glides into the chair opposite, and with an elegant slide of an arm, slips Emma’s other equally faded blue shopping bag on to the seat beside her. Emma doesn’t understand how a human being can be that graceful, and sends a silent apology to her mom for being a failure of a daughter.

“I will order some refreshments,” Xiqiang’s voice washes over the background noise of the other patrons in the café. “What would you like? It will be my treat.”

“Oh no no no, no need! I have -” Emma grunts as she bends over her backpack and pulls down the zipper ornamented with the keychain of a blond cyborg, “a gazillion SundollarsTM gift cards! My college orientation and faculty events have the occasional lucky draws or mini contests, and I’d always get something out of them. It’s great, really. I regift them to my friends for birthdays. Saves me time and money from having to buy actual birthday presents. I keep my money, they get their coffee. But. Um. You didn’t hear that.” With some difficulty, she wrestles out a bright red gift card from the stack that is threatening to burst out of the seams of the pouch sewn into her backpack. “Ah, I’ll save this table. Could you help me order a large caramel frappe? And maybe one of their giant cookies. Any flavour is fine. Please and thank you!”

A pause. “Very well,” Xiqiang graciously replies as she accepts the gift card.

Seven minutes later, Emma is happily slurping down her frappe as a countdown timer to the livestream event pops up on her laptop screen. 47 minutes to go. Her ears are now plugged with a pair of earphones. Opposite her, Xiqiang is steadily typing away on her laptop with unnaturally impeccable posture.

It is at this very moment. That the universe decides to be an utter demon and opens the gates of chaos on what was supposed to have been a peaceful night with Emma Xing and the livestream of her Zheng ge, actor-singer and golden-hearted, multi-talented John Zheng.

Incoming Video Call: Estelle Xing

Emma accepts the call on her phone, and props it up on the table with the camera angled at her. She connects her second pair of earphones (won from a secondary school Poetry-in-Motion Competition with her epic poem Blood is a Vein Work of Art-eries) and stuffs the side with the microphone into her right ear. “Mom.”

“Emma. The house has no WiFi. My phone has not enough data to stream Gege’s event.”

“What. Why? Is it the router again? Did you turn it off for thirty seconds and turn it back on again?”

"Yes. Actually, I called Cellularity and they said that they were having a city-wide network issue.”

“Tch. D*mn company. I keep telling you to switch service providers!” Emma pinches the bridge of her nose. “Wait, where’s Gramma? We all know she's the tech-savvy one, shame on you.”

“... She’s with her tai chi group today.”

“What?! I thought that was next week! And how could she miss Gege’s stream?!”

“... They rescheduled because one of their grandsons is getting married next week...”

“... Just... Go to a café or somewhere with WiFi and stream it there. Do you have leftover SundollarsTM gift cards from my last visit?”

Emma’s mom grimaces. “Yes. See, I actually thought of that. I’m at the nearest one.” The camera angle wobbles, and the queue of chattering teenagers at the cashier behind Emma’s mom blips into view for a hot second.  

Emma feels a strange sense of pride well up in her chest. “Mommy! So smart!”

Mommy laughs weakly. “Haha. Ah. Yah. I bought a strawberry shake. And then they told me that SunDollarsTM’s WiFi is actually with Cellularity. All the branches. In the whole city.”

… “Mom. Why is your luck so bad. Also. Why! Are! You! Drinking a strawberry shake! You are diabetic!”

“Almost diabetic! And this is low sugar! And! All my good luck was used up to give birth to you. Emmiee~”

“Don’t Emmie me! Aiyah, hang up hang up, don’t waste your data. I’ll message Danny. He’s with DiGiTellTM, not that bloodsucking Cellularity. You can go leech off his Wifi.”

“Aiyoh, your Danny, how can you do this to him - “

“ByeMomloveyou.” Emma ends the call, and snatches her phone off the table to begin typing at the lightspeed typical of her generation. The baby blue smiley starfish phone charm attached to it smacks her knuckles.

“Um. Pardon me,” Xiqiang coughs politely. Emma’s eyes dart up. “Your earphones weren’t connected properly.”

Oh.  

“Oh. Aaaaaaahahahahahahaha! Ha! Sorry about that! I’ll just...” Emma mumbles and screws in the earphone jack infinitesimally. “... tighten... this. I don’t use this pair very much. I forgot it does that. Sorry.”  

“It is fine.” Xiqiang blinks at her curiously. “Your mother is in WalaysiaTM?”

Emma’s fingers pause in their assault on her phone’s keyboard, brown eyes wide. “How did you know? Oh. Oh of course.” She slaps her forehead. “Our SundollarsTM WiFi here is obviously fine. We obviously don’t have Cellularity here in CanataTM. And yeah, I kind of revert to my accent when I’m with my family. You can tell?”

Xiqiang nods politely. “I see. Well, I do hope that this works out for you and your mother. You seem to be... close?”

Emma beams. “Thanks!” She returns to her phone.

LuckyStar: Danny.

LuckyStar: Danny.

LuckyStar: Danny.

No reply. She frowns.

LuckyStar: Danny DanyDanny. Dannyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Seen by BetterDanU 7.08PM

Emma’s nostrils flare.

LuckyStar: DANNY YOU DIPSTICK WAKE UP WAKEUP I KNOW UR AWAKE EMERGENCY

LuckyStar: DANIEL NG! U WAKE UP OR ILL POST THAT NEW YEARS VIDEO OF U. U KNOW WHICH ONE

BetterDanU: …

BetterDanU: I actually WAS SLEeping because some ppl actually have to WORK friday nite and want to zzz sat morning. 

BetterDanU: Have u not headr of timezones. WHAT DO U WANT  

LuckyStar: Liar, i know ur schedule, u were def not sleeping.

LuckyStar: Gege’s livestream is today!

BetterDanU: … I know. U wouldnt shut up abt it. wat do u want

LuckyStar: Cellularity’s wifi is down all city and mom cant stream it  

BetterDanU: tell her to go to sundollars

LuckyStar: sundollars is w cellularity! 😡

BetterDanU: … bloodsuckers.

LuckyStar: I KNOW. Anyway, mom is at the sundollars near our house. U know which one. Go pick her up n let her use ur wifi pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaz  

BetterDanU: …......… fine.  

LuckyStar: tnx ur the best!

BetterDanU: go away

With that situation handled, Emma neatly bites off one point of her star-shaped cookie, and turns her eyes back to her laptop screen. 36 minutes to go.  

Score: Emma – 1; Universe – 0.

The Universe decides to try again.

Incoming Video Call: Emily Xing

Emma slowly swipes across her phone screen after triple-checking that her earphones are 100% plugged in.  

“... Hi Gramma.”

“Emma!” Several ladies’ heads of various artificial shades of red, brown and black bob into view behind Emma’s grandmother’s face on Emma’s phone. “Why can’t we log in to your VooDooTM account on Mimi’s computer?”  

“... Gramma, did you all reschedule your tai chi group to watch Gege’s stream together using my VIP account which you definitely bragged about to them?”

“Emily, we kowtow! Your Emma is the best!” hollers one of the ladies. Emma’s grandmother preens.

Gramma, Emma despairs, why are you so Asian?

“Emmie~”

Emma closes her eyes and mutters, “Don’t Emmie me...”

“We have VooDooTM open on my laptop, but there is seven of us and one laptop is not enough! Mimi’s computer cannot access the page! It says – it says – what does it say?!” Emma’s grandmother yells.  

“This content is not available in your country!” Aunty Mimi yells back from somewhere behind.

Emma sighs in exasperation, “Gramma, they’ll need to install a VPN. Do you remember how we did it on your computer?”

Emma’s grandmother is stunningly silent for a solid three seconds, and shakes her head. Emma sighs again. “What’s the address?”

One minute later:

LuckyStar: Danny danny danny

LuckyStar: is everytng ok w mom?

BetterDanU: yeah, shes taken over my living room and tv I hooked up to the comp.  

BetterDanU: Shes drinkin a poisonous lppking pink drink and eating those giant star cookies they hv. Theyre not going to last until the end of the dtream.

LuckyStar: … wait.

LuckyStar: wHAT COOKIES. Get them away frm her, shes almost diabetic!

BetterDanU: how can someone be slmost diabetic???

BetterDanU: … she says its low sugar. theyre actually rpetty good.

BetterDanU: *pretty  

LuckyStar: u traitor! and of all the typos to correct!

BetterDanU: ….......

LuckyStar: anyway, DANNY I NEED UR HELP ITS ANOTHER EMERGENCY

BetterDanU: what now

LuckyStar: dont tell mom this,  

BetterDanU: oh? gossip?

LuckyStar: but gramma is with her taichi grp now and theyre trying to stream Gege’s event on two computers but the second one wont work becz they need vpn on that one  

BetterDanU: Wow. brutal gramma.

LuckyStar: danny pleeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaase can u go help them install the vpn  

LuckyStar: pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase 🥺🥺🥺

BetterDanU: ….............  

BetterDanU: where r they

Twenty-ish minutes and one VPN install and seven impressed old ladies and one harrassed Daniel Ng later, Emma daintily bites off the second point of her star cookie.  

Emma – 2; Universe – 0.

Xiqiang sips her tea quietly as Emma narrates this second victory to her, and then digresses into hero-worshipping multi-talented, golden-hearted John Zheng.  

Emma swoons. “We all stan him so much across multiple generations! Sure, he’s eye candy, but you know what, even I can admit that, objectively, he’s not the best looking. No but!” She sucks in some of her frappe to quickly rehydrate, “Even though his eyes are not 100% symmetrical, you know they’re 100% real! Can’t say the same about everyone else! Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And! Even though his teeth aren’t 100% perfect... You should see his smile! Oh! My! Heart!” She clutches said heart. “So genuine! Like a bunny! And most of all, that VOICE! That BRAIN! And that HEART!”

Xiqiang tilts her head slightly in what is definitely interest.

“You should watch his songs and dramas and his interviews! He’s really mature, has a charming sort of wisdom, and he really understands his characters. He works so, so hard, and he’s super nice to everyone, even his janitors! And even his haters! Like, what the heck!” A deep sigh. “He is. The Best Guy. In the Universe.”

And thus, the Universe’s third Attempt at utter buffoonery manifests itself in the yet another round of buzzing of Emma’s Very Tired phone. Emma slowly slumps in her seat. Xiqiang’s almond eyes flick to the poor phone, and she excuses herself as she returns to her own laptop for business-y exorcist stuff.

Emma breathes in. Very Deeply. And returns to her Very Tired phone.

Alicia: Hi Emma!

Alicia: Its been a while. I hope you are well!

Emma scrolls up to check the last conversation she had with Alicia. Eight months ago, when they had exchanged the obligatory birthday wishes, and then slinked back to their respective lives until the next birthday.

It’s a bit sad, actually. Emma and a handful of secondary school friends had once been pretty tight, having gone through the horrors of academia and adolescence together. But ever since graduation, everyone had sort of just... drifted apart. With the exception of Danny, practically everyone she knew and was close to had gone on to different cities and even countries to pursue tertiary education in fields so varied you would wonder how everyone had even managed to grow up together in the same academic cohort forced to take up certain courses due to the way their country’s totally not flawed educational system had been structured because of course everyone absolutely agrees on the complete relevance to real life that is inherent in subjects such as Physics and Geography and Moral Studies (which, in all fairness, would be considered a fairly necessary subject especially in today’s society, had it not been based on pure rote memorisation of the regimented definitions of pre-determined moral values instead of critically applying said moral values in the written scenarios thrown to them every exam) and flippin’ dipsticky CALCULUS and and and -  

And we digress.

Emma: Alicia! It’s been a while!  

Emma: How may I help u?  

Alicia: Heehee. 😇

Alicia: iirc, I think u mentioned that u got a VIP VooDooTM account?

Emma: … Alicia you leech! Go buy ur own account!  

Alicia: im poor and u know it!

Emma: We’re millennials! We're all poor!

Emma: go upgrade with a 30 day free trial. Then just unsubscribe after.

Alicia: I can’t. 😭 I did it before and ti remembers my email add and wont let me do it again.  

Alicia: *it  *won’t

Emma: Then use another email add! We’re millennials! Who doesn’t have a back up email account?  

Alicia: I did! I used up my JmailTM, insightTM, innet, etc etc accounts last year  

Emma: Use ur parents’!  

Alicia: I did! They were  

Alicia: Confused when they got the notifs but thank goodness they thought it was Junk 😊  

Emma: … Girl, how much drama do you watch on there.

Alicia: Too much. Im in too many fandoms.  

Alicia: EMMA PLEASE! It's just to watch John Zhengs promo livestream for The Fox today! I swear I will not misuse ur account!  

Alicia: One day when I have money, I swear I will buy my own account.  

Emma: That is a lie and we both know it.

Alicia: 🤐

Emma remembers their shared afternoons of literal tears after every Calculus test they barely passed, and curses her soft heart as she gives Alicia her user name and password in an act of benevolence which she somehow has a feeling she will come to regret.

Alicia: Thank you sm. U rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Emma: Its so u don’t get desperate enough to do anytng illegal.

Alicia: We both know im not that smart lol  

Emma: We are legal! And scrupulous!

Emma: For Zheng ge!

Alicia: For Zheng ge!  

“John Zheng seems to have an unusually loyal fanbase,” Xiqiang comments from behind her laptop. Emma nods absent-mindedly. She has barely bitten off the third point of her star cookie when her Very Very Tired phone begins buzzing again.  

Incoming Video Call: BetterDanU 

No longer keeping track of her score with the Universe, Emma sinks lower into her chair under Xiqiang’s intrigued gaze, and weakly answers her phone, “Hello?”

She does not expect her grandmother’s distraught face under the profile name of BetterDanU: “Emmie! Why can’t we log into your account with another computer? It says that – that – Danny ah, what does it say?”

Emma nearly spits out blood. “How many devices are you trying to log into?!” Her hard-earned, greatly coveted VIP account that no one else seemed to want to buy for themselves allowed simultaneous sign-ins to a maximum of ten different devices, a feature that was absolutely necessary for the three generations of the Xing family.  

“Mimi’s daughters and granddaughters came downstairs and heard about Zheng ge’s livestream. Two laptops are not enough for all of us, so of course we had to get more!”

Emma sends a silent thank you to Danny who by now must be an expert on VPN installations. Speaking of which. 

“Danny, you there? Just sign up for a free 30-day trial account. And don’t forget to unsubscribe later.”

“I did.” Danny’s muffled voice sounds admirably calm, but there is definitely the subtlest note of misery in it. “Aunty Mimi’s granddaughter invited her neighbourhood friends to watch the stream, and we are out of accounts.”

“How! Many! Computers?!”  

Emma thinks she hears a suspicious clearing of the throat from Xiqiang that may or may not have been a laugh. Emma locks eyes with her in despair.

There is a tiny, tiny curl of Xiqiang’s lips as she casually remarks, “I am done with my e-mails for the day, and would like to relax with some form of entertainment. VooDooTM seems to have quite the selection of highly rated dramas like you advertised so eagerly to me earlier, and I have been told that there will be a promotional livestream this evening for the much-anticipated... The Fox?” There is definitely a sparkle in those almond eyes. “I thought it might interest you to know that I have decided to watch this livestream, and will do so on my newly purchased VIP account, the user details of which -” she slides over a SundollarsTM napkin covered in the prettiest handwriting Emma has ever had the good fortune to lay her bloodshot eyes on, “ - are written here.”

Emma stares at her with now goo-goo eyes. “Xiqiang! You are a literal angel!”  

“Xi-what? Who are you with?” Danny’s head pops into view next to Gramma’s gleeful face.  

“Danny! I’m hanging up! I’ll send you a new user account info you guys can use!” 

“What -” his calm façade is definitely slipping.

Emma does not hear the curious titters of “Xiqiang? Wah! What an intimidating name!” “Who would dare to name their son Xiqiang?”  “Must be very strong!” “Must be very shuai!” as she chirps in reply, “A professional exorcist, your saviour, and my new bf!”

A delicate clink of a white plate ladened with fresh chocolate chip muffins jerks Emma’s eyes up from her phone. “Oh, a snack for the stream? Xiqiang, did you order this? You shouldn’t have!”

Xiqiang leans forward to divide the muffins evenly. “It is fine.”

Danny chokes on the other line, “What what what -”

“Now don’t bother me anymore, Zheng ge’s livestream is going to start. Check your message! I’ll send you the info! See you later! Bye, Gramma! Bye, Aunties! Enjoy the stream! Zheng ge fighting!”

LuckyStar: [photo attached]

LuckyStar: Isn’t that THE prettiest handwriting you have ever seen?

LuckyStar: Oh, but if you can’t read it, the login name is YXQ_Gege  

LuckyStar: and password is LuckyStar123

LuckyStar: wow. what a sense of humour.

LuckyStar: Anyway! U seriously rock! Thanks Danny! I owe u my life!

LuckyStar: Aunty mimi makes seriously good cakes, so u might as well stay.  

LuckyStar: And remember, don’t tell mom!!!

BetterDanU: WHO IS XIQIANG AND WHY IS HIS PASSWORD UR USERNAME

The star cookie is decimated as Emma congratulates herself on a job well done against the schemes of the Universe. Her laptop screen is flooded with comments when John Zheng’s shy smile fades into view as the livestream finally, finally begins.  

“Gege!” Emma whisper-squeals. “You can’t hear me and you don’t know I exist! But! You will not believe the night I’ve just had! Your face heals my eyes and your heart heals my soul!” She silences her desperately buzzing phone.

Xiqiang breathes in deeply, and lets herself smile for the first time in a very long time. After an unusual evening of using the Skytrain for the first time, encountering a low-levelled spirit which the Council had not thought to Cleanse, meeting the most interesting Class Three medium who was currently hugging her backpack as she immersed herself in a long-awaited livestream of a clearly beloved celebrity who she had taken great pains to introduce Xiqiang to, and putting the tiniest dent in her bank account to sign up for a VooDooTM account for various reasons, Xiqiang relaxes in her chair, and does not let herself think about tomorrow.

Character Profiles

1. Emma Xing Qixin

Emma is derived from the Germanic word ermen meaning "whole" or "universal". Emma is also used as a diminutive of Emmeline, Amelia or any other name beginning with "em".

  星 (Xīng): star

运气 (Yùnqì): luck

欣 (Xīn): happy

Height: 154 cm; 5.05 ft | 159 cm (error; there is a story behind this)

Tools: Several reuseable shopping bags, backpack, blond cyborg keychain, laptop, secondhand phone, baby blue smiley starfish charm bought by her mom Estelle and customised further by her grandmother Emily

2. Xiqiang

希望 (Xīwàng): hope

强度 (Qiángdù): strength

For the sake of this story, “Xiqiang” is considered a very masculine name.

Height: 179 cm; 5.87 ft

Tools: Laptop, traditional calligraphy brush set, angled-tip pen set, normal ballpoint pen set

3. Estelle Xing  

Estelle is a female given name of Latin origin, and means star.

星 (Xīng): star

Yes, her name literally means Star Star.

Emma Xing’s mother. Has rather bad luck. She admits that, although her daughter can drive her up the wall, she is her greatest blessing and happiness.

4. Daniel Ng

Daniel is a masculine given name and a surname of Hebrew origin. It means "God is my judge".

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Ng (pronounced [ŋ̍]; English approximation often /ɪŋ/ or /ɛŋ/) is a Cantonese transliteration of the Chinese surnames 吳/吴 (Mandarin Wú) and 伍 (Mandarin Wǔ). Alternately, it is a common Hokkien transcription of the name 黃/黄 (Pe̍h-ōe-jī: N̂ɡ, Mandarin Huáng).

Emma Xing’s errand boy. And former classmate. The real MVP.

5. Emily Xing

Emily: "rival" or industrious and hardworking, comes from the Latin name Aemilia.

星 (Xīng): star

Emma Xing’s grandmother. Is more techno-savvy than her daughter/Emma’s mother Estelle Xing. Story behind that TBA.

6. Alicia  

Alicia means “of noble kind/sort/type” (from Germanic “adal” = noble + “heit” = kind/sort/type).

Emma Xing’s friend from secondary school. They have both narrowly passed Calculus exams together, which cannot be said for all their classmates.

7. John Zheng

The name John is a theophoric name originating from the Hebrew name יוֹחָנָן‎ (Yôḥānān), or in its longer form יְהוֹחָנָן‎ (Yəhôḥānān), meaning "YHWH has been gracious".

战争 (Zhànzhēng): war

Author is now too lazy to come up with a Chinese name, thank you very much.

Author’s Notes

Character profiles will not be written for every single character because ain’t nobody got time for that. They will be updated as the story progresses. If I have the discipline to actually write this dang story. \o/

This is just a test run. I have not truly touched creative writing in a very, very long time, and have sadly lost many different characters and plot bunnies over the years as I never had the will to just put pen to paper, or finger to keyboard. And neither have I ever tried tackling anything this ambitious, if you can call this ambitious. (Well, actually, I did make a pathetic attempt at a novel ten or so years ago, and reading THAT draft just made me cringe and shrivel up and die on the inside. Which will probably happen to this fic in ten years’ time? \o/ )  

Oh my gosh, I’m so tired of formatting this now. Please excuse any typos because I just. Cannot. 

If you somehow stumbled across this fic and read until the end, bless your heart, bless your eyes, and thank you for reading!

[skiasurveys]

439

What’s the second word on the last text message you received? “hold”

Can you count to 20 in another language? Nope lol

Do you know anyone with a missing toe or finger? Nopeee

Where’s the last place you took a bus to? i think the mall? but that was a long tim ago before i had my car

What was the main character called in the last film you watched? anakin lol

Do you prefer rap or punk music? Punk

If you had to colour the world in one colour which one would you pick? Uhhhh Im not sure lol mayve Pink

What would you name your pet snake if you had one? Im not sure...Thats a good question.

What’s the tastiest thing you’ve ever tasted? -

Do you have more dreams or nightmares? Dreams but theyre weird.

Who was the last person you hugged? Connor 

Is there anyone you’re desperate to meet? - Oh yes.

Would you like to scratch somewhere on your body? just did lol

Do you have a favourite piece of jewelry. If so, what? - My rings 

Which store would you go to, to buy a pair of jeans? American eagle i love their jeans

Pick three colours: pine violet pink

What’s the nearest item you can see the same colour as your 1st choice? -uhhh idk

Name a clothing item you have of your second colour choice: -none tbh i don’t wear purple

Have you ever had any of your walls painted in the third colour? - not rly

You turn your iPod/MP3/phone on. What is the first song you listen to? Time Pink Floyd

If you could only have one TV channel which one would you choose? I dont watch tv

Your internet dies for a month, you can only access three websites… which ones do you choose? Twitter, Youtube and FB.

Do you/have you taken photos of your pets? - Of course.

Do you have any fancy dress costumes? If so which ones? - Nope.

Heels or flats? Depends on my mood i like heels but flats are way more practical

Pop bottles or pop cans? - Bottles.

Do you use bags for life? - ??

Have you ever gambled? What was your biggest loss/win? - nope

Have you broken the law in the last 3 days? - I don’t think soooo

How often do you see your ex? - Never

Where were you on July 4th, 2019? - i don’t remember lmao i think my place

What are you excited about? - summer

Do you know anyone who has messed up your life? - Yeppp

Can you recall the last time you sincerely liked someone a lot? - Right nowwwww

Have you ever been given roses? - yeah but i don’t like roses

Can you honestly say that at this point in time you’re happy with the way things are? - not at all but i am happy that i have some coin rn

Have your friends ever randomly stopped by your house? - yeah which is fine but sometimes i’m not in the mood to hang out like if i’m too depressed or anxious

Name something you would NOT tolerate in a relationship? - Hard drug use or cheating

Are you saving up money for anything in particular? - just in general tbh. i want to start saving

Do you have a secret that you’ve never told ANYONE? - i don’t think so tbh i usually tell my closest friends like i night not tell them right away but i will eventually

How much money do you have on you now? - like cash ? i think 30$

Do you have a condom in your room? - nah don’t use condoms

What’s more important to you: good grades or having fun? - good grades. i’m in college and i want to succeed

If your ex calls you up saying he/she still likes you, you say? - I would be confused how he still had my number and also be confused since it’s been 4 years

Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth? - no lol

Think of the last person who hurt you do you forgive them? - Yeah

Do you have a best friend that knows you inside and out? - yeah

What’s something you really want right now? - i really good job

Honestly, are things going the way you planned? - no

Is there someone you wish you were still close with? - ehhhh maybe a few friends that i’m not as close to anymore

Do you have any tattoos? - No

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? - yeah but i usually just talk to my boyfriend

If you were in the hospital would your best friend come see you? - yes i would imagine .

Are you old fashioned? - nah

If you could do anything or wish anything, what would it be? - have a job i love and where i make decent money

You’re a week late for your period, there’s a chance you could be pregnant? - there could be but doubt it If someone called you a bitch would be offended? - depends who said it and what was happening hahaha Would you rather go to California or leave the country? - california is nice Would you rather get pregnant at too young an age or never be able to? - never be able to

What is the last non alcoholic beverage you had? - sprite

Would you ever donate blood? - yeah i would

What’s your favorite place to go in your city and why? - maybe the ponds

What are the best stores in your mall, in your opinion? - i like american eagle but i don’t have the best stores here Is is harder for you to save money or spend money? hmmm save

Do a lot of people bike in your area? - not a whole lot but i see people doing it frequently

Have you ever had sushi? - Yep. i love itttt

[heads-in-the-clouds-spacecadet]

When asked to write a daily diary for anxiety management.

Here are a few days example....

Sunday 24th 

Mood/anxiety = numb. 

Additional meds =8mg of diazipam.

My whole body aches yet it shouldn't. My stomach is growling yet i feel physically sick. 

Things i ask myself....

Q.1 Will i leave my safe space, weighted blanket & mountain of pillows?

A.1 NO. 

Q.2 Will i manage my yoga routine

A.2 NO

Reasons....Why

I feel exhausted even though ive not been outside since Thursday. I just want the aching to subside the pain to leave. My jaw is clenched closed making eating an ordeal. I know this needs to be done. 

The dread of what passive aggressive message/s ill receive today either in person or written either way im struggling to motivate myself to move.

The Internet has been blocked for nearly a wk now. But i just let it slide as the saying goes choose your arguements "wifi is not the hill i want to die on" quote from TBBT. I hear Luke (my brother) is now in his bedroom and his door is closed. He has been banging around the house sending passive aggressive messages (sms) since 4am. My belongings that i left downstairs were thrown into my room. I'm nervous to leave my room till i know he is asleep. 

Flashback/negative thoughts....

1. How can my baby brother be an emotional manipulator. 

2. Last time i had to justify my everymove i was in Portugal in a very bad relationship. 

*****Ways im looking to excuse his behaviour. Find the cause to my sudden crash of low mood aka depression with a nice battle of anxiety.

---Logically i know its not the same. 

---Emotionally it hurts the same. 

The way he looks at me with disgust, resentment & impatience is the trigger. I realise this. How someone you love can make you feel this way. 

Solution: i decide to find a solution to the sudden conflict of money and i know there is a receipt in the car. I go to the normal place the keys are kept and theyre no where to be found. I look in all the obvious logical places they  could be and realise theyre hidden by my loving brother. His Reasons, 1-to stop me  buying shit (his words). 2. He has decided its his house, his car so therefore his rules. (Its all my mums btw)

As im downstairs i notice the kitchen is a mess. Pots all over from a feast Luke cooked up the night before. Or should i say 2am. 

So i feel defeated. Ive basically been cleaning non stop everytime i use a room as per gov guidelines and he just doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of the situation. 

I decide i need to eat. So i opt for Shreddies with Oat Milk (Luke has a serious milk allergy to the milk proteins in cows milk so im not fussed about milk and am happy to use alternatives) topped with vanilla soya yogurt, bannana, a few cranberries, 3 strawberries, sultanas and crushed Almonds. My logical brain is telling me eat well as we are not leaving the bedroom again unless desperate. 

I send a few messages to the family whats app (Luke refuses to be a part of this) and receive encouraging and support in return. Everyone is struggling in their own way so i appreciate having a small outlet between us all.

After food i sleep finally. 

Trying now to Ready myself for round 2 which i know is coming.

My mum calls i dont want to answer but i do. I explain the situation. She knows, she has dealt with his angry behaviour since he was 11yrs old. She stated she is coming to visit Tuesday as per new gov guidelines and we will meet in the park. She then asks me to pass the phone to Luke which i pointblank refuse. Im not ready for round 2 yet. Especially since he has his own phone he is just not answering making everyone worry about him but he just resents it. Its safe to say im proud i refused to do something. Gold star award ⭐

Monday 25th

Mood/Anxiety -  still no change from yesterday but i decide i have to force myself to move. Wash, clean and pack the additional things my mum has requested. 

Additional meds - i decided against taking anything today as i need to be clear headed for my appointment Tues and obvs my mums visit.

I check the weather see its a nice day decide washing is task 1. I set a bath running (multi tasking saving time from all the free time) and head downstairs to pop the washing machine on. Before i left my room i checked my phone for messages i have one from my mum telling me she has had words with Luke and that he needs to basically deal with the resentment in a more positive way. 

This explains all the banging and loud music yesterday early eve. He decided to actually clean. 

Anyhow I head downstairs. Kitchen is clean, messages all wiped from the black board. 

I decide i must try and communicate with Luke as we cant take the conflict with us to the park it isnt fair to our mum. 

I can hear him moving so send a sms message asking if he wants anything in the oven. No response. ***He did finally get out of bed at 3pm so a peaceful day so far. 

I decide food is required. I opt for protein soya burgers x2 with Spinach, tomatos, avacado, sultanas, almond pieces and some crumpets. I sit in the garden to eat.

All washing is out and drying but im to anxiety ridden and unmotivated to enjoy the sunshine. 

I head back to my room to sort bits for my mum and throw away my origami collection. It was over taking my room and again causing conflict. 

Lukes awake!!!. I decide to say hello. So far so good. He decides to make himself lunch and throws a fit because i ate a £0.45 avocado. I walk away as i know he is just venting and i need to not start the circle of negative thoughts or interactions. This is rewarded with resentment. Luke suddenly decides to do his own washing and cut the grass. Which means my washing is in his way. Before he even starts i am pulling in whats dry mainly because i want to go back to bed and need my bedsheets but also because he wont care if my washing turns green or is damaged. To my delight my sheets are dry but my pjs etc need another 30mins so i leave them whilst i go and make my bed. 

Im bellowed at about washing as Luke needs the line. So i head down stairs to reteive the rest of my belongings. 

Self soothing thoughts...

Im walking on eggshells trying not to provoke the beast and i need to keep going. Focus on my achievements. I left my room. I cleaned myself, my clothing and my pillow fort which has been my safe zone for the past 4days. 

Deep down thought i am disappointed as i know isolation and distancing is not a long turn solution as the yrs pass im becoming more and more isolated and lonely. 

Im downstairs again and i ask Luke if he wants anything popping in the oven as i was having toast. He requested 2 burgers and chips but on seperate trays as he was hungry. Easy to do popped into the oven. 40mins later chips are cooked he is plating up and all he says is "why have you cooked so many chips, clearly we now live in a household of wastefulness". 

This was the turning point for me id had enough for 1day and just told him to give it a rest and went to my room. 

Im dozing with Big Bang on in the backround and Luke is banging on my door. Mums on the phone. Confirming arrangements for tomorrow. I say a few oks with the occasional nod. 

I start packing the bits n bobs my mum has asked for and carry then downstairs so theyre ready for the car tomorrow am. 

Its PJs and bed time. Luke has other ideas. He is awake and up and about at 4.30am. Having a bath at 5am, doing weights after his bath at 6am then leaves in the car at 7am. He is back around 8am banging has a shower then decides to leave again in the car. He is meant to be house-bound until July 1st. This in itself causes me anxiety as i cant handle watching another member of my family die in front of my eyes. 

Thoughts...

Yes this is VERY dramatic. STOP IT BRAIN!

Take precautions all will be ok. 

Tuesday 26th

Mood/Anxiety = No change 

Additional meds = 4mg diazipam but late afternoon as i couldnt stop shaking and fidgeting.

My mum is coming to visit. Im trying not to think about the fact Luke is out of the house. 

We are having a picnic social distancing style. 

We head to the coop as Luke has decided even after knowing our mum all his life never be on time, we have to be early. I buy Costa coffee, fresh bread, hummus, bananas, diet coke and some biscuits the nature valley ones theyre really good. Luke doesnt go into the shop I think at least he is listening to some rules. He rolls his eyes as i spray the shopping with dettol spray and use the alcohol hand sanitizer for my hands and door handle etc. I just tell him its how it needs to be done.

We find a perfect parking spot under a bunch of trees. I notice that all the trees are trimmed in a very even shelf across the bottom. It looked like it was designed perfectly for people to walk straight onto the park from the car park without having to fight with tree branches or go around.  But in actual fact its the deer. They eat the lower leaves this made me smile and relax for a moment. WIN.

My mum is late so im nervous that she is 

1. Stuck somewhere (over reaction)

2. Lost (over reaction)

3. Just running late (normal reaction) 

Im a tad fidgety as im aware i have an appointment in 2hrs. Hurry up MOTHER...

I ponder about work and whether or not ill still have a job to return too. Had an email this am stating theyre cutting 200jobs from the team i work in. So not sure if thats a good thing or not. But its also increasing my anxiety as ive read the email and now have a burning desire to do the research to see what my probability of keeping my job will be. Before my brain can go on a major tangent my mum arrives. 

Shes brought Oscar (her poodle) he is so excited to see me. And the big hairy fluff ball  gave me the biggest snuggles. He has a major Covid hairdoo. My mum doesnt hug me which hurts but i know she cant. 

Picnic time. We sit in the middle.of a field away from everyone. Social distancing 10/10. My mum has made me my favourite cakes, rock buns. (Apparently these are a northern thing) but im feeling the love. Its fairly chilled only 1 disagreement with Luke over blinkin avocados.

Im clock checking and aware of impending appointment, im a little (understated) nervous because ive not had positive relationships with therapists or doctors in the past. 

[kay-is-krazy]

Literally No Title

Please help

Idk what I’m doing

This is a fanfic

Deanxreader kinda

It needs work sorry

I will hashtag

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Damp. Everything that surrounds you is damp. As you start to come to, you smell the stench. Sulfar. Confused, you try to open your eyes, brows furred as the light tries to chase away your sight. Your adrenaline pushes you to figure out where you are. Looking around weerily, you notice the familiar iron door. Your parents old farmhouse storm cellar. Opening and closing your eyes making sure this is what you're actually seeing. It's been years. Decades even since you've seen these walls. Theyre different now. Moldy, but with cobwebs. You start to realize you're strapped down on the old iron table you used to eat spaghettios on when the tornados hit. No use in trying to squirm your way to topple over. Your father bolted it down in the cement. How did you get here. As you push and strain yourself to remember, the door opens. A tall red flannel emerges, and you go cold...

Life wasn't always fighting monsters, and saving people. You had a family of your own, until the vampire mafia ripped in to town destroying everything in their path, including your home and everyone in it. You still remember their screams as you fled into the woods. Revenge is a choice you have to make, and it sure was a hell of a ride. In this life, you run into auhtorities, but very little hunters like yourself. After bumping into the Winchesters working a werewolf case, they sort of took you under their wing. Noticing you needed guidance, before you ever could. You were in constant rage, before meeting the boys. Searching for answers, and never being satisfied with the kill. It all blurred into a blood bath of vengence. A lot of trust, losses, and whiskey, but you found a new family. You need them as much as they need you. And just recently, it was Dean needing saving.

The mark had completely consumed him. Being the hero, the guinea pig, has led him to be desperate in saving the world. You knew he was always staying strong, putting on a good face for Sam, but deep down, he is slightly broken like the rest of you. His hope depleted as the mark's strength took over his judgement. He was like you were before they saved you, scared and fuming with anger. You're just trying to return the favor before he hurts anyone else, especially his brother Sam.

After months of research, you found something. Slight chance of hope in fixing Dean. Confiding in Sam, he decides to look for it himself. The word of God. Once touched by a demon, it is said to purify them. No one has seen it in over 100 years, but you got a lead. The only thing that's near impossible is finding Dean. So time to draw him out... He wants a fight, you'll bring him a fight.

Scrounging up as many demons as possible, making sure they're alive but bleeding, you make a devils trap and wait. You heard through demon grapevine, that Dean can sniff them out. He's the big bad now. Being a demon himself, he hates them even more, if that makes sense.

But your plan didn't work. There have been plenty of close calls while working on the job, but this wasn't just a regular monster case. It was so much more, and there's a lot at stake. You realize why you're scared. You're in a situation even you can't get out of alive. Fear sets in as Dean walks closer. Each step like a predator closing in on it's prey. That red shirt, being even more red than usual.

He smirks, “Welcome back sunshine. Thought I killed you too soon”.

Your head is pounding as you try to look at your body. Realizing its broken, bruised, and bloodied, you must have put up a fight.

“Oh that, sorry, I couldn't help myself. After I knocked you out, I had some fun.” Your heart is beating so fast as if it is going to jump out of your body. The last thing you want is for him to see you afraid. You try to muffle out his name, but your voice is hoarse. “Please don't speak, I don't want my ears to bleed as you plead with me.... or on the other hand, I'd love to hear you beg for your life”, he whispers the last part in your face.

Wincing at his words, you turn your head, and say “You're not you right now. We'll fix this, Dean.”

He puts his hands on your chin, for a second you think it's him. His oversized, warm strong hands that wouldn't hurt a fly unless it was unnatural.The ones who taught you martial arts, and the ever so famous air guitar. But looking into his eyes, noticing they are lacking the softness, they flicker, and those green eyes are no longer. Black eyes, and his hands smell of sulfar. “There's nothing to fix sweetheart, I'm better than ever.” he jerks his hand away making your head turn to face him. As he walks to the door to open it, you yell out, “Just get it over with and kill me already!” He stops, turns his head just so you can see his profile, and scoffs. Walking out, and leaving you alone once again.

Wondering where Sam is, you try to squirm free from being tied up.Your fastens on your wrist have some wiggle room. Using the pointiness of your sister's ruby class ring on your left hand, you try to cut the leather bands. It's going to take hours, but you're not giving up yet. You know there are only two ways out of this, and you'll be damed if you don't fight.

'Pour some sugar on me' plays from your cell phone. Sam's calling you, the signature ringtone for drunk, fun Sam. Reminding you of the nights at the roadhouse, playing the same G43 on the old jukebox driving Dean insane. While Sammy and you sang until your voices were unrecognizable.

The door opens, and you straighten up, not making a move to let Dean know you've been trying to break free. There's a cart that he's pushing inside, full of old kitchen utensils, some tools from a shed, and a few of Dean's things from the trunk of his Impala that have been missing since the mark took him over.

“I know you and Sam have been looking for me, trying to save me. I'm going to show you how much I don't want or need you two around. Lets send Sammy a message, hm?” He walks over to your jacket with your cellphone in it. Dean throws it in the air and catches it. Holding it like a gun, making fake noises pretending to shoot you. “Glad to see you havent lost your adolescent behavior”, you say, “I know you're still in there Dean”.

He puts your phone down on the cart, picking up a rusty knife used for cutting fish. “But I'm not, and I'm going to prove to you just how wrong you are about me.” He cuts your cheek, and you feel the skin break open, stinging.

“You can hurt me all you want, you'll just be hurting yourself.” You say and spit in his face. The dark smirk scurries from his face, and you know what's coming next is worst.

The torture that he tortured you with only stems from Hell. Picture after picture taken and sent to Sam. The laughing, the darkness, and the insults coming from him, you start to lose hope that Dean is even in there. You keep reminding yourself that demons lie. Not believing anything DemonDean says, even though you desperately want it to be true. The remarks about how he used to think about you like a little sister until a couple years ago when you got stood up on a date with some guy named Brett. Thinking back from a different perspective now, you realize Dean was the one there who saved you from getting kicked out of the restaurant for using up a table. Waiting for some loser you met online, but seeing Dean sitting down across from you, feeling a sense of clarity and sureness. But now ever since he's turned into something evil, he doesn't feel a thing at all for you or Sam.

In and out of consiousness, you decide you wouldn't give up on him. Even though your body is mangled, you keep pushing.

“Dean, this isn't the path your mother would have wanted. You have to know that. You don't want to let her down or she'd died for nothing.” You plead and try, but he slaps you hard in the face. The hit seemed personal, as if you were getting somewhere with him. You reason, “Isn't family what brings people together, it's what brought us together. Aren't we family, you could let me go, and Sam and I can help you see the light again. Just like your mom used to say right? The light will guide you home. Come home Dean!” Another blow to your head. He knocks you out again.

As you come to, Dean is reaching for the blade. He's actually going to use it on you, kill you. Coming to terms with your fate, you start to hum and mumble 'simple man by lynryd skynrd'. It was always your favorite. It was everyones favorite. You figured it was a good enough song to go out to. You peek open your eyes as much as you can. Throbbing and seeping blood, you're finally able to see Dean stop and stare at you. He drops the blade, looking down at the mark and then back at you. His face twisted, unsure of what is reality. You don't stop singing. Second verse, he's closer now. A single tear rolling down your face; knowing if he ever came back, got the mark off, he wouldn't forgive himself. Even when he's unable to save someone on a job, he's hard on himself. You can't imagine what he'll feel like, so you pity him.

He's closer now, hands around your throat. He's trying to fight you and himself. The pain and anger in his eyes turns black, then normal again. You look him straight in those familiar faint green eyes, and say your final words, “I forgive you.” The world goes dark.

Heaven was always described as 'your own personal paradise'. You're wondering why yours is in a hospital. White walls and curtains. The coldness in your nose suprises you. Who knew paradise would be so cold, gray, and foggy. Nothing was easy to make out, but you could definitely tell it was a hospital. You hate hospitals, confused as to why you're heaven isn't what you expected, you look around to see if there is a recognizable face. Hoping for maybe your Dad, Mom, or sister.

No one. There's a loud beeping noise and you look up to see a monitor. Looks like the vitals of a dead man. You start to wonder maybe God put you in the wrong paradise. So you pray. But words don't come out, and you drift back into the dark.

Blinking once, then twice, then several times. The light is bright. You can tell it's daytime. Still the same Heaven as before, but this time you feel everything. The pain, the tenderness. You remember, and know that you're not dead. Relieved, but still uncertain, you try to move. Expecting straps to hold you back, your right arm goes flying in the air. Not used to being free. You look down at your body. It's bandaged and braced. A mountain of a man peeks through the curtains. You have instant relief when you recognize Sam. He has the 'poor puppy eyes' look, and you put your hand on his. He grips it tight, but gentle enough. The gentle giant. Trying to let out a smile, a shadow lurks behind Sam. Instant fear as you realize it's Dean. Panic sets in, and your body cannot handle it. The monitors go off, you see Sam try to calm you down, and Dean sneaking away, head down, disgraced with himself. Nurses rush in with the Doctor to make sure you're okay. Tears well up in your eyes. You somehow cannot forget what Dean has done to you.

Weeks in the hospital, the only visitor you had was Sam. Trying to keep your spirits up, he shows you all of his research following up on possible cases. Between playing cards, reading books, and making fun of the new Taylor Swift song, you ask Sam, “How is he?”, and each answer is the same. “No better, no worse,” Sam replies. After the panic attack, Dean thought it best if he didn't show his face anymore to you. Once healed, you were allowed to go home as long as you didn't saw off the leg brace, and practice using the crutches. Knowing how stubborn you are, Sam rolled his eyes, and promised to watch over you.

Happy to finally break out, you laugh as you fumble with the crutches. Sam lets out a worrisome smile. “I'm fine Sam. Really.” You look up to him and give him a carefree toothy grin. Throwing all of your things into the impala, because Sam refused to drive “that stupid pink truck”, you beg Sam to let you pick the music.

Pulling up to the bunker, your stomach sinks a little. You know you'll have to face Dean eventually. Fogiving is easy for you, but forgetting is a whole other learning curve. Never being the one to admit you're wrong first, or facing real problems, you know it's somehting that needs to be worked on. Staring off into the distance a bit, Sam pulls you out of it as he opens the door. “We're stocked up on all your favorite foods, drinks, and even have Netflix!” He says, nudging you arm and attempting a playful laugh.

Weeks of healing, you finally are able to get up into your truck. You need some air, and desperately needed to get away. The outside world was calling your name, so were the pink wheels on that old ford. First hours, days, then weeks went by, and not a single glance from Dean. No words, no contact. Ignored you completely. Anytime you tried to reach him, asking to grab a drink at the dirty bird bar, to researching a simple ghost job, he pushed you away. You spent so much time in your room with your thoughts. Trying not to think about the event that almost ended you, and most importantly the relationship with Dean. Even Sammy has started treating you differently like you're broken. After Sam telling you to stay home again, while they hunt monsters, you'd had enough. Weekend getaway to a cabin in the woods. You leave your phone on your nighstand and decide you need some peace to clear your mind.

“Fill her up,” you say shutting off your truck to get gas. Getting out to grab snacks from inside, a long lost friend appears. Not able to look away from the light, he shields your eyes for you. You forgot how enchanthing the bright white was. “Cas what are you doing here?” You ask as you looks at you stearnly.

“I was told to keep a tab on you, and you left the bunker. So I'm here to bring you back.” He says reaching for your arm.

“Under who's orders?!” You demand. Not letting him answer you back away and say, “The boys? Really can't even get some fresh air!” Clearly angry, you hit your tailgate. Cas immediatley lays his hands on you to heal you. Being an angel has it's perks. But you wanted to feel something, Cas didn't exactly understand what being human was really like.

Brushing his hand away, you try to reason with him. “Go back to the bunker, grab my phone, and bring it to me. That way I have it on me in case I need anything. I'm still going on my very needed trip. What I don't need is a babysitter” Before you could blink twice, Cas had your phone in hand. “Do not turn this off and always keep this on you.” Rolling your eyes you respond sarcastically, “Thanks Dad. Can I leave now?” Clearly unsure of his decision, Cas side eyes you, but finally nods, and leaves you to your road trip snacking.

The cabin is the same as you left it two summers ago. A couple empty beers scattered, but the rest of the place in neat tidy order. Your mom always liked everything in a specific spot, and you try your best to remember that while staying there. Picking up the bottles to recycle them, you smile and remember the good times spent here with your family, both families. Thinking about the boys, you let out a sigh of relief. Thanking the angels that Sam showed up when he did in the storm cellar that day. The word of God being forcefully put in Dean's hands, purifying him instantly. A bright gold light shining through the brick like object, blasting Dean into Sam. His brother holding onto Dean as he comes to and realizes, he's saved. Sam's words will stay with you forever, that story will stay with you forever. You smile as you remember, you were the one who stalled Dean as Sam had come to the rescue.

“Oh shit!” You say as your line tugs and gets stronger. You were too busy admiring the cotton candy sunset to see your fishing line got a bite. It was a warm afternoon, but turning brisk fast. Fall was settling in, you could tell as the wing picked up every now and then. The trees leaves turning the auburn colors. Setting your beer down, you reel it in, but your bait is completely gone.

“You never were good at fishing.” You quickly stand from a lousy folded plastic chair, and turn around to find Dean, smiling at your loss. Clearly shocked, you ask “What are you doing here? Cas told you didn't he. Lousy friend.”

You put your pole down, and open the cooler to offer Dean a beer. He takes it and slowly sits down on the edge of the dock, feet dangling. You sit down next to him, opening your own beer. “Where's Sam?” you ask.

“Working the case still.” He notices your cocked eyebrow from a side glance. As if he would ever leave Sammy alone, he continues, “It's easy, just some pyscho vengeful ghost.” He sips his beer, straring at the now setting sun.

Getting straight to it, you ask, “Why are you here Dean?” Staring at him, you notice the weariness.

He lowers his head, gripping his beer tight. You see his shoulders move up and down slowly. Sighing heavily, he looks at you, completely looks at you for the first time. It catches your breath, because you have never seen a man so broken, Dean so vulnerable. You can tell he's been fighting with himself, beating himself up over the events that took place. Defeated, face full of hatred for himself, he doesn't say a word. You see his jaw tighten, his temples twitching. Reaching for his shoulder to show trust, but he pulls away shaking his head. “I don't trust myself with you” He musters, as he stands up to walk toward the cabin. Thinking about chasing after him, forcing him to talk, but you can't move. Like cement, you stay planted in your spot. The sun finally sets, but you still sit there, listening to the sound of the frogs.

Grabbing your things from the dock, you head inside. What could you say to make him believe you. Would you believe yourself if you said, “Everything is okay.”? Is it? Inside, you notice Dean is cleaning up what seems to be like the bathroom mirror. Understanding what just happened, you bend down to help and he stops you. Gripping your hands tight, he says “No. You don't need to clean up my mess. Any of my messes.” With a dustpan, he walks to the trash to dump the shards of glass.

“What's that suppose to mean? Am I not allowed to care? To try to save you from yourself?” He winces at the last part.

Turning around to face you, but leaning against the kitchen counter, he looks at you cold and promises, “You will never have to save me again. I will never hurt you or anyone else again.” He looks down and then back up into your eyes, moving towards the door, “You wanna know why I'm here? I came here to say goodbye.”

Stopping him dead in his tracks, you look up at him wondering how you and Sam could even survive without Dean. You start to cry. It's not like you to let anything out, but you stand there, tears pouring out of your face. “No.” was all you could muster up. Very stearn, you said it again, “No.” He grabs you and pulls you in close. Hanging on to eachother, as if it's the last time.

You both stay like this awhile, not realizing it's way over due. “You're not leaving us. We won't let you.” you say confidently, and at this he lets go. He tenses again, trying to be strong, and insists “You and Sammy have to let me go. I've been nothing but trouble. I'm bad. I'm not worth your lives.” Clearly needing reassurance, but not knowing how, you yell, “I went through all of that for nothing?!” Talking with your hands like usual, brows furious now, you continue, “After everything, you still think you're not worth it? Sam and I have done everything for you, for us, for this family.”

He turns his back on you holding back tears, but instead letting out his frustration, “You don't what it's like to need constant saving. I need control of myself, I don't have control.” He yells as he punches the wall. It startles you.

“Oh, I don't know what it's like?” you start, “You don't think that I was ever at a low in my life. What losing my family did to me, the things I did in return. It wasn't until you and your brother, that I finally found solace!” you scoff, “Please you're not the only broken one around here.” Realizing that anger isn't the route to go down, you quietly move toward him. Pushing back the fear that has been dormant, you hold his hand. “We are family.” you say softly. “Family doesnt end in blood.” You wipe away the blood trickling from his knuckle with your shirt.

His hands are shaking now, as he holds them up inching closer to your neck. You flinch, and he tries to pull away. You immediatley grab his hands, and put them to your cheeks, making his squish them together a little. Tears welling up in your eyes, you let out a low, “i'm a little guppy...” It was something you two always did to cheer eachother up. Getting the other to laugh when you're both at a low point has been almost like a game. So far, he's beeing in the lead. Before you can finish, his lips are on yours. Waves of heat roll from your head to your toes, your wet cheeks brushing his scruff, and you give in, even being scared and uncertain. Dean pulls away, looks at you stearn, and says “I'm going to miss you.”

You're still standing not sure of what just happened, and you hear the door slam shut. It seemed as though your feet wouldn't move, but then you finally took a deep breath, turned around and bolted out the door. He was getting in the impala, but before he could jet off, you opened that door and ripped him out. Standing toe to toe, you slap him. That bottled rage unleashes. Then you connect your fist to his face. Unprepared, Dean fell against the car. Shocked at how hard you hit, he starts to realize you're not going to stop, so he holds your hands down. Red in the face from anger, and him red because well there's now blood pouring from his nose, you finally relax so he loosens his rains on you.

“What was that?!” You ask. “Who do you think you are? That is not okay. I am not okay.” Turning around, hands on your hips, shaking your head. Instantly defensive, you gasp, turn to face him, and make sure he knows, “I am not like every other girl. I don't deserve to be treated like any other girl.” He opens his mouth to say something, but you immediatley talk over him, “You're going to have to kill me.” Dean looks at you clearly confused. “Why do I have to kill you?”

Walking back and forth now, you respond, “Over my dead body...You're not walking out on us. Not Sammy, not me. Not our future. People need us, they need you.” Stopping, and turning to face Dean, you say, “I need you. And if you get in that impala, you better have shot me first because I won't stop looking for you.” Walking toward him now, pointing your finger in his chest, you end with “I refuse to give up on you.” At that, he looks down at you, smirks, and responds, “You're stubborn, you know that?” You break a smile, and say “I learned from the best.” Throwing you over his shoulder, he walks into the cabin.

Completely surprised as to what took place last night, you turn around and look at Dean's green eyes. Understanding now, the feelings that were dormant for so long. Realizing now that DemonDean only told the truth to hurt you.You put your hand to his face, brushing his cheek with the back of your finger, and he closes his eyes to just feel your touch. “You're not allowed to leave.” He nods, reaches for your hand with his, and lightly kisses your fingers. “I will never forgive myself...” He says, and you respond instantly, with your pointer finger shooshing his lips, “I forgive you, and will continue to remind you that you're the good guy.” Closing your eyes, thinking about the first time meeting these boys, not knowing how they would change your life for the better, you smile. He rolls you over with ease, and tucks you in close to his warm naked chest. Deep, and grunting, he says your name into your hair. You lift your head a little to let him know you're listening, “hm?” “I don't deserve this” he says, “I don't deserve you.” You respond while picking his hand up moving it closer to your chest, “Neither do I.”

[cockbiteproductions]

primed to scream PRIMES! PRIMES! PRIMES!!

f i just typed the answer to most of these questions and chrome crashed so christ i have to fucking retype all these but much condensed because i am lazy.

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

chocolate bars. but only milk. my mom buys exclusively Very Dark Chocolate though so i usually just stare at those and Wish.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

well bubblegum or cotton candy flavored stuff neither they both taste nauseating. if we’re talking about the actual stuff then bubblegum because i can pop it. this actually reminded me i have gum in the pantry from the beginning of the semester i havent even opened yet so now my roommates have you to thank for popping noises the next hr or so

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

soda bottles because i dont like to drink soda quickly and so i want to close it and not let the carbon dioxide escape. soda cans a close second because it’s satisfying to open the tab.

7. earbuds or headphones?

wired earbuds because headphones are too big and clunky and you cant easily lay on your side with headphones on. but if my next pair of earbuds break within a month i might consider Switching because ive had 3 break on me in the past month and half and im at my wits end with earbuds.

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

i dont eat much for breakfast cause i want to sleep in until the last possible moment and i get stomachaches when i eat a lot in the morning but ill eat a piece of bread and yogurt maybe.

13. lanyard or key ring?

key ring but that’s just because i havent used a lanyard before. i think i would like a lanyard. im constantly looking for my keys in bags.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

this pair of black sandals that i have tan lines on my feet from how much ive worn them

19. sleeping position?

ill sleep however... i like sleeping on my left side. on my stomach with my head to the right. on my back with my arms crossover my chest to keep warm. at the end of the bed with my head where my feet should be. i dont move at all when i sleep so freshman year when i had a lofted bed i think my roommate was a bit concerned in the beginning when i refused a bedrail because she thought i might fall. i never fell which was nice.

23. strange habits?

oh man idk i probably have a lot of those but nothing i can think about right now when im being put on the spot.

in elementary school i used to refuse to step on the yellow tiles at school.

29. best way to bond with you?

talk to me about the stuff i love!!!! and watch the stuff i love with me!!!! i am always down to [whatever the rabb.it replacement is these days] stuff with people and just generally both yell at each other and be passionate about stuff. currently what im passionate about is the stuff im screaming over at @winstonbillions​ so talk to me about that stuff!! please. i am always 3 seconds from screaming about ANY of that stuff.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

idk about outfits to kick ass and take names but i have outfits where i get my ass kicked and name taken aka what i wear to exams. which is my tower of pimps shirt which ive deemed lucky. is it lucky in any way? no, but i’m hoping if i wear it enough to exams it might.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag. suitcases are so large and unwieldily. that reminds me i have a suitcase of winter clothes in my trunk i need to take out.

41. last person you texted?

as in actual texts on my phone? that would be my dad. asking him if i should drop my class im failing. 

as for the last person i instant messaged, that would be one of my mutuals through my musical theater sideblog im currently yelling at about [musical theater related interest]. im not kidding guys talk to me about the stuff i post about on @winstonbillions​ PLEASE

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

2 months ago i would have said hoodie but im kinda becoming a cardigan kind of person now. theyre just Soft and and Long and Casual and i love them. hoodies are too hard to take off.

47. favorite type of cheese?

mild cheddar, american, and mozzarella. i actually only Recently started cataloging cheeses in my brain to their actual names so for my entire life i was like i just like cheese even though there are certain ones i hate like swiss and blue cheese.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

a bit cold and a bit tired from typing all the answers to all these asks tbh. but other than that good. i just cut my nails because they were atrociously long. 

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“worm” or “fuck” or “no!” according to my roommate

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

oh my ogdokh oym ogdos sd fdospohm to mo edf ucmign fugod mfyo uacant just ask me this im going to absolutely die

in absolutely no order, all from completely from memory, and favorite for a variety of different reasons

“fuck you, math man. if you’re such a genius why can’t you count to loyalty” - mafee in 4x11 lamster billions

“captain, he think, and feels that much more powerful” - luminousbeings in you don’t have to (say yes) the star trek fic

“more than you know, i understand wanting to walk away from the jedi”“i know.” - anakin skywalker and ahsoka tano in 5x12 the wrong jedi star wars the clone wars

“i won’t leave you, not this time.” “then you will die” - ahsoka tano and darth vader in 2x12 twilight of the apprentice star wars rebels

“there is nothing so pure as a man on a mission. when faced with the fire, never quivers or runs. there is nothing so noble as sticking together, for lonely is the life lead when sticking to its guns." - narrator in bloodsong of love by joe iconis

“now i’ve got myself a name and i’m ready to risk it with a battle cry disguised as a sing-along” - never heard nothing by joe iconis

“i’m frickin done with being the loser, the wuss, the underdog. being the misfit, the old school analog. being the oddball, the weakling freak. the failure, the sucker, the please-don’t-speak. oh i can’t hardly wait for the moment when i’m not the loser the geek or whatever, ever again” - jeremy heere in be more chill by joe iconis

“i’m tired of being the person that everyone thinks that i am” - various in be more chill by joe iconis

“q is for quantitative, baby!” - winston in 4x12 extreme sandbox billions

“the cheering is just as important as the song” - lisa and ms. werring in the black suits by joe iconis

“first, best destiny” - spock in star trek ii wrath of khan

“be proud of your place in the cosmos. it is small, and yet it is. how unlikely. how fantastic, and stupid. and excellent.” - cecil in welcome to night vale old oak doors part b

“are we living a life that is safe from harm? of course not. we never are. the questions is are we living a life that is worth the harm?” - cecil in welcome to night vale parade day

“as I turned and my eyes beheld you, i displayed emotion. i beg forgiveness.” - spock somewhere in star trek tos

“the sky collapsed without a sound. these broken pieces hit the ground.  the rain fell down around me and i drowned, but i will save you.” - part of me from dear evan hansen

“this is, after all, the story of how i died” - epsilon in the rvb13 trailer

“and while the law has many punishments for the atrocities we inflict on others, there are no punishments for the terrors we inflict on ourselves.” - the director in the s6 finale of red vs blue

that was in no way an exhaustive list but all i could think of at the moment

67. good luck charms?

not really any tbh. i try to wear my tower of pimps shirt whenever i take an exam but that’s about it.

71. least favorite pattern?

what does this even fucking mean?????? i will say the observer design pattern in programming because i don’t understand it well despite having used it twice now.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

oh god idk why are all these questions getting harder. nothing i can think of at the moment.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

i say school id tentatively, but neither of them looks great. my school id photo was a selfie.

83. writing or drawing?

writing. i wish to GOD i could draw and i probably could if i put in the amount of time i need to to learn how to draw but im a lazy bastard. but i’m not that great at writing either as i’ve found out. everything is way too short and out of character and too venty and i am weird about letting people i know read what i write (sorry @ all the people who keep asking me to let them read my writing.  it’s not that great you’re not missing out at all and i hate the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known) and i abandon ideas literal minutes after getting them.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

what the fuck kind of question is this?????? i GUESS the answer should be me but uh i am not even putting myself before myself as i am procrastinating on a shitload of homework with this. i guess my “close” friends. they’re pretty chill. but generally ill do anything for anyone all you have to do is ask.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

4, my own, my home landline, my dad’s cell, and my dad’s work.

[tumblunni]

More daily acconplishment diaryness!

Finished unpacking and sorted my clothes into clean and need of washing. Dug out the old webcams i was too scared to use for years and maybe i will try em once i set up the computer again?

Cleaned all the mold out of the refridgerator even though it was GROSS AND SCARY. Woo!

Also finished about 1/3rd of washing every dish i own, which is good cos they were stacked so high i couldnt even see the sink before! I actually found a bunch of dishes i'd lost while i was cleaning up before i left last month. SO MANY FALLEN SPOONS! But i didnt have time to wash any of them so i'm sure they're glad to finally be disinfected and ready to use again. Some had gone rusty or broken and had to be thrown out tho.

Made a big A3 calendar for the next 3 months so i can try and be more structured in my life. Maybe it will work? I dunno about any sort of weekly schedule yet, gonna wait until i get more clarification on what days classes are available at the library and when i'm gonna be seeing support worker richard again and Mystery New Support Worker Who Is Replacing The Hospital Basically. Like they said i can indeed have the support without the mega supervised shared housing thing, so i'm gonna be meeting a new group of mental health recovery specialist tutors who can visit me at my own home instead of me going to the hospital full time. I'm actually kinda glad of all the horrifying lack of privacy in the hospital in one way, like i've always been terrified to invite people inside my house because of the same reasons. But now in the aftermath of EVEN MORE people up in my personal space and EVEN LESS privacy and AN EVER REVOLVING LINE OF STRANGERS who DO MEDICAL TESTS ON MY PEE, it seems a little less scary to just let the same support worker sit on my sofa every month. Im still flying on the fear of all that stuff and this seems positively pleasant in comparison! And i'm sure that feeling will wear off as i become less jittery again, but by then i'll have had some practise talking to this new support worker on my sofa and hopefully i'll be less scared in general.

Oh! And i did decide one thing about a weekly schedule! I have to go out to town at least once every weekend. Or somewhere else fun on the bus. Now im not scared of regular buses i need to train myself to be less scared of the big long one in this neighbourhood. And getting to go out and experience ACTUAL SHOPS and COOL THINGS has cheered me up so much, i cant lose that just because the bus is longer now! The first planned outing is to go to town either on my birthday or the day after, cos i get my disability benefit on my birthday and i can afford to go do some mildly small fun stuff. Shame i spent all my savings and monthly bonus on preparing for stupid hospital, like man i must have wasted 500 quid on all that? The laptop and the new suitcase and new clothes and stocking up on toiletries and soooo much preparing aaa. I still dont know whether to be mad at myself for "only" lasting three weeks or proud of myself for enduring the worst three weeks ive had since i lived in a homeless shelter. Well i got free food at the hospital so it was better in that sense, but it was somehow even more invasive and nervewracking than the homeless shelter! I'd honestly prefer the days of nothing but bread and butter. And hell we had internet there and i was allowed to bring my tv even tho it was a huuuuuuge crt thing bigger than my entire body. I still have it even tho its outdated and broken cos i simply cannot carry it back down the stairs XD

ANYWAY that has been the random progress of today! Next order of business is that tomorrow i go return all the library books from the other library, and just continue going out for walks more often even if im broke and have nothing much to do. Well at least the library has a gym in pokemon go! Also hopefully the internet repair guy will call back tomorrow. And then on friday is the B day and the having money again, so lol anyone have any suggestions on what i should do to celebrate? I dont even really know what people DO when they go out for walks, aside from.. Walk. Like whats an activity i could even do on my own, aside from cinema? And i dont think theyre still showing the incredibles 2 so there might not be anything else good to see. Sigh! And then all i've got to watch out for is the Integrated Autism Service meeting on october 17th which i know NOTHING about not even where it is or what time. Hopefully i can get more details now im back home and able to meet up with dj richard the funky support worker again. Also on november 5th i have to remember to go get my eye test. I hope maybe i can get a new colour of frames this time! And then i dunno sometime nebulous in between all that i'm gonna get a phone call from the hospital guys again to settle the last of the paperwork and introduce me to the new hospital classes support person worker mystery thingieness. Which is a little anxious, so i kinda hope it happens sooner rather than later so i can continue riding the wave of relief from being home and accomplish loads of scary things before it wears off.

...man that wave is kinda annoying tho cos now i cant sleep! Im so hyped up!!i already did so many accomplishments today and they just make me hyped up to do more!!! THE LONGEST GREATEST TUESDAY OF THE YEAR

[marv3l-drag0ns]

op i dont have enough room in the tags for all my blorbos. enjoy.

Gamzee

his phone is really high end but also super cracked and crusty. he puts a ton of stickers on it and painted his own phonecase. his background changes a lot, but is usually either something picturesque that he should not have been able to get with his cracked camera or a picture of his friends in a shitty position but amazing photography. Contacts are usually nicknames, and has photos of him and them as buddies as their icon. except for people who hate him (which is a lot T-T) who are usually flipping him the bird.

His computer is also pretty stained and worn, but the screen is in tiptop condition so he can see what he's drawing. TONS of stickers too, but no paint. A ton of original doodles stuck to the back as well. Background is something rainbow-y

their car (if they own one) is the shittiest little car you can imagine, except he managed to do SOMEHTING to it that makes it Better Than Its Clanking. Has to hit the dashboard and lid a couple times to actually make it start. Stick shift. PERMANENTLY filthy. Lots of stains that you have no idea where they're from. and you dont WANT to know. Lots of paint spatters, old food boxes + soda cans/bottles. A layer of fur (do they own pets?????) that you can't identify. theres a bunch of dents in the outside too from where he accidently punched it. Can usually find one or two sets of their clothes, belts, shoelaces, clubs, etc.

backpack is super paint stained, has a bunch of hand made patches (both for decoration and from where it wore through. he doesnt want to get a new one because it is Wrong and Not Good). tons of pencils, paintbrushes, markers, erasers, etc lost in its depths.

Locus RvB

Locus is so incredibly military and self loathing that he has very little personalization. its actually really sad :(

Phone: has one of those battery packs bcuz he isnt always in reach of a charger. color matches his armor, but more black than green. background is some dark minimalist thing. organizes his apps very meticulously (rainbow order). No games on his phone (felix mocks him for all of it). His contacts dont have icons, and are suually like "LastName Organization Name"

Laptop: something easily pick-up-abble but also very good battery life. managed to make a franken-laptop with help, and he's had it forever. has some peeled off stickers from before his merc days.

Car: uh. space guy. doesnt need a car? his ship has very little furnishings, but alwasys has some bottle of High Quality Alchohol and Heart Attack Incoming espresso. spare parts on any and all workbenches there, but theyre all in order (like wasabi from big hero six). Has one (1) cat blanket that grif gave him as a joke, and a small cat plushie that a kid he saved gave him. ((If he did have a car, it would be silver, and would be pretty high quality seats. he keeps it pretty clean, but weapons stashed everywhere. has one of those little hanging tree things that make it smell good))

Backpack: Swissgear Wengar model ((which is what my dad uses lol). or something with TONS of pockets. Again, lots of weapons (bullets, knives, etc). its more of a grab bag than antyhing personalized. once he starts doing Redemption Quests he starts keeping more chocolatey snacks in it for people he's helping.

Medic Tf2

Phone: a couple of... "ketchup"... stains. background is of archimedes and him posing over a vivisection. he does have some games on his phone! but its like. sudoku. and flappy bird. doesnt use it very much, and never answers texts. sometimes answers calls. more often than not its forgotten in a pocket somewhere, and therefore has way less cracks than it should, still has some from where he dropped it accidentally. His contacts for all of his team are really fleshed out and have a lot of medical info/theories on them that really shouldnt be there.

Laptop: doesn't use one- thinks its weird and that he cant write in it whenever is annoying.

Car: TINY TINY CAR. something a grandmother would drive. has a pidgeon statue in the back, and a pigeon-shaped car-smelly-goody thing.

Backpack: its a messenger bag, and its dark brown, and filled with pencils and notebooks and organs and a small set of oil pastels. Also bird food. And bullets.

i think we as a society need to use cell phones/laptops/cars/backpacks to flesh out characters

[fafnir-the-golden-dragon-blog]

Black Paper Moon

She missed them. There wasn't a time when she didn't. She was sitting at the kitchen table, looking through an old photo album. "Hey Maka, what're you doin' up?" Maka turned around to look at the albino standing in the kitchen doorway. She quickly shut the photo album. "Nothing!" She lied. He wasn't convinced. "You're thinking about them again huh?" Maka sighed, nodding slightly. Soul approached her calmly, and took a seat beside her, quickly enveloping her in a gentle hug. "I know you miss them Maka, but it's been almost six years now. You should stop hoping to recover them," Soul said softly. Maka huffed and pulled away. "Well how would you feel if Black⭐️Star was taken from you? You wouldn't be over it in five-and-three-quarters of a year would you?" She spat back angrily. Soul sighed. "No, I guess not," he said, realizing he was defeated. Her success was short-lived however, as her sadness quickly returned. She re-opened the photo album to a picture of her standing next to a tall person with choppy pink hair wearing a white suit. She had her arm around them, and the two were smiling, a black blush painting their cheeks a deep ebony. She gently touched the picture, a sad smile making its way onto her face. She remembered that night. Only a few nights before they ran away, never to be seen again, and to eventually sacrifice themself in order to save her. She remembered that day, six years ago, when she'd said goodbye to them on a moon encased in black blood. She remembered holding their bony hand for the last time, feeling that same cold hand gently touch her cheek. She remembered hugging their overly thin body before they ripped themself away, the kishin Asura overtaking them. She remembered the way they smiled at her, tears falling from their silver eyes as they said goodbye. "Don't be sad Maka, my final memory will be of you. I'll be able to keep you in mind for the rest of eternity." She felt hot tears fall from her eyes as she remembered that day. Six years ago. Six years ago and the memory still tore her heart open as if it were butter. Soul sighed softly, noticing immediately that she was remembering again. But before he could speak, she grabbed the photo album and pulled on her coat, quickly running outside and towards the DWMA. She knew that going there wouldn't solve anything, but the school roof had a beautiful view of the moon. It was late at night, but she knew Sid would let her in. She was greeted at the main entrance by Sid, who's blue face looked mildly concerned by the girl's distressed state.

"Maka, I don't think going up there is a good idea, it'll just upset ya' more. I never liked seeing kids upset. That's just the kinda man I was," the zombie said softly to her. She sighed, wiping away her tears before speaking once more. "I'm going." The zombie sighed, before moving out of the way and letting her into the empty school. She found her way to the roof quickly, and sat by the railing, looking up at the black blood moon. She opened the album once more, this time to a different picture. This one was that same person with choppy pink hair, only this time, they were asleep under a pile of blankets in their corner. She had given them the blankets after noticing that they were shivering on the piece of floor that they'd named "Mr. Corner." She smiled fondly at the image for a moment, before looking back up at the moon. "Remember that? You were so tired that first night. You were too scared to leave Mr. Corner." She laughed softly as more tears fell from her eyes. She turned the page. This picture was of that same person, their head resting on Maka's lap as she combed her fingers through their messy pink hair. More tears fell. She looked up at the black moon. It almost didn't even look real. It almost looked like paper. A Black Paper Moon. More tears fell. "I remember you liked me singing to you. For a while you couldn't sleep unless I did." At that point her vision was completely obscured from the tears rapidly falling. "You-you liked this one song in particular-" she sobbed softly as she remembered the lyrics. "Fairy blue, it is only for you, that I would crush the stars, and put up on display, a black Paper Moon-" her singing was cut off by a harsh sob as she clutched the album close to her chest. She forced herself to continue. "-If you really put your faith in me, when you're lost here I am, forever with your soul-" another harsh sob. "Waiting here above you patiently, just like the shining moon," she finished the verse, hugging the photo album tightly as she sobbed uncontrollably. She couldn't help but think of how fitting it was, considering their tragic fate.

She placed the album back onto the rooftop, wiping away her tears to look at more photos. And yet, Maka found herself going back to that one. The one of her and that person together at the party. She gently took it out of the page's protective cover, flipping it over to the back.

I'm sorry Maka

-Crona

Seeing what they had written brought on a fresh wave of pain in her chest. They had left that in Mr. Corner for her. She clutched the photo and cried out loudly to the sky, pained sobs ripping themselves from her throat as tears rained down her cheeks and onto the roof. It hurt. Her chest, her throat, her heart. It all hurt so badly. Her heart hurt. It hurt and nothing could make it stop. Nothing except them. Crona. She sobbed and cried out to the black blood moon as if they'd hear her. She oh so desperately wished they would. She screamed at the sky, screamed and cried and tried to tell them that she loved them. That she loved them and wished she'd been able to tell them. Eventually, her body became too tired to carry on its painful heaving, and so she fell onto the roof, her face beside the photo and album. And still, the tears continued to fall. She whispered softly. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you, I'm sorry that you did that for me I-" she sobbed softly, "-I love you Crona." She curled up on the rooftop as fresh tears started to flow. After a few minutes, Maka heard someone speak. "Maka, let me take you home, okay?" It was Tsubaki. Maka sat up and wiped away her tears, nodding. Tsubaki helped her up, tenderly holding her shoulders as if to ensure that she didn't fall. She left the album behind.

A few days later, her prayers were answered. She had no idea what had happened, all she knew was that Soul had received an urgent call from Kid, and they were needed immediately. Maka now knew why. Before her on the barren landscape of the moon, was Crona. Their body was sprawled out as if they'd just been tossed there, and they were covered in their own black blood. Maka's eyes went wide, and her hands went slack as she fell to her knees. She faintly heard Soul clattering to the ground, and the other DWMA students rushing to her and Crona's side. Soul ran to her side, seemingly as shocked as she was. “That’s Crona.....Maka, that’s Crona!” He said, breathless from the sheer shock of it. “Are they-are the alive?” Maka quickly fumbled around, feeling desperately for a pulse somewhere on Crona’s limp and bony body. She sobbed in relief at feeling a steady pulse in their throat. Soul put a hand on her shoulder. “We should-we should contact Naigus and see if she can help them,” he said, voice gentle but still trembling. Maka nodded and stood as Soul helped her hoist Crona’s lifeless body between them.

They returned as quickly as possible to DWMA, Kid greeting them at the door. “I knew it....” he said upon seeing Crona. “There’s no other reason for the blood casing to be destroyed......is Asura dead?” Maka nodded. “Please Kid, get Naigus. We have to save Crona,” Maka croaked out softly, her legs shaking from holding Crona’s body up.

Naigus has been shocked at seeing Maka and Soul there with Crona, but quickly brought them into the infirmary.

Maka waited and waited for some sort of news. Soul has forced her to go home to eat and sleep, but she was restless. She couldn’t focus on anything until she knew if Crona was okay.

It was about a week before anybody got any news from Naigus. Maka has passed out at the kitchen table, and Soul had put her into her bed. Of course, not too long after that, Maka’s cell phone rang. She sprung up and answered immediately. “Maka, come here. I’ve got news,” said Naigus. She sounded tired, as if she hadn’t slept all week. Maka replied quickly, before sprinting out of her apartment and directly to DWMA.

She’d managed to get to the infirmary doors before being stopped by Naigus. She looked up at Naigus, who gave her a gentle smile. “Maka, theyre alive-“ Maka grabbed her arm, causing Naigus to gently remove her hand. “-but they aren’t in good condition. Please remain calm, okay?” Maka nodded hurriedly, and Naigus opened the door to Crona’s room.

Maka’s jaw dropped. “H-hi Maka...” Crona was in a wheelchair by one of the windows next to the bed in the center of the room. Their face, arms and body appeared to be covered in bandages. The third eye of the kishin was still present on their forehead. The most obvious things that had changed however, were much more extreme. There were only bandages where their legs should have been, their legs ending in stubs just below the thigh. A few of their fingers seemed to be missing to, as the bandages on their left hand were oddly shaped.

Crona fidgeted slightly in their seat, seemingly thinking that Maka was bothered by their new state. Maka felt tears come to her eyes as she slowly stepped forward. “Crona......Crona you’re-you’re alive,” she said, hot tears rolling down her cheeks as she looked at Crona. Crona, who had been gone for six years. Crona, who was thought dead, who’d sacrificed themself for her. Crona-whom Maka loved with all of her heart. Crona’s dark eyes went wide as they saw her tears. “N-no! P-please don’t-don’t cry! It’s ok, I’m ok!” They said, waving their bandaged hands around as if to prove their point.

Maka quickly took the few steps forward to gently embrace Crona where they sat. “Crona....I’m-I’m so happy-“ she sobbed. Crona’s breath hitched, and Maka felt one of their hands gently push her away by the shoulder. Maka swiped away her tears with her sleeve, and forced a smile for Crona. Crona’s eyes shifted to the floor. “Do you-do you still want-still want me......as a friend?” They asked, tears forming at the corners of their own dark eyes. Maka was taken aback. “Crona, why would you ever think that I wouldn’t?” She asked, legitimately wondering why on earth they’d think that. Crona swallowed audibly. “Because I-I did all of those bad things and-“ they paused, averting their gaze. “And I’m like this now. I’m disabled Maka, won’t I just be a burden to you?” Their eyes met hers, and she saw that they were on the brink of tears.

She was shocked. Where had they gotten the idea that they’d be a burden due to their disability? To her they were still just Crona. She placed a hand on their shoulder. “Hey-“ Crona looked up at her, their eyes shiny with tears. “-this is of no consequence to me okay? To me you’re still just Crona. You’re still my friend, and even if you need more help with things, I don’t mind at all,” Maka said with a smile. Crona’s eyes went wide. “You-you don’t mind having to wheel me around?” Maka laughed softly. “Nope! Not at all!” Crona smiled and laughed softly, as if realizing how strange their worries were.

“You’re right I just-“ They paused for a moment. “-guess I don’t know how to deal with this yet.” Maka smiled. “Then I guess I’ll help you learn then! After all, I am your best friend, remember?” Maka said, removing a glove and holding her hand out in front of them, just as she had after restoring the water to their soul. Tears fell from Crona’s eyes as a shaky, bony hand gently clasped around Maka’s. “That’s right,” they said, smiling as they looked up at Maka. Maka-their first friend, their best friend, the person they loved.

Maka smiled at them, and gently wiped away the tears from their cheeks. “We can learn how to deal with the world together, as we promised to then,” she said with a smile, referring to that same day all those years ago, when Crona and Maka has just been teenagers. Crona sobbed and nodded. “Y-yes we-we’ll do it together-we’ll-“ they paused, wiping tears from their face with a shaky hand. “-we’ll learn to deal with things together.”

Maka gently wiped the tears from Crona’s cheeks as they sobbed softly, as they cried from sheer happiness. Happiness that they got a second chance. A second chance at life. A second chance with Maka. But most importantly, a second chance to learn to deal with life-but they weren’t alone. They’d been freed from that Black Paper Moon, they’d killed the Kishin because of Maka. Because of her they’d be able to deal with life. With existing. With their painful past. They would not only be okay, but they’d also be happy.

I love you Maka. I love you more than anything. I’m so glad I got to be with you. I’m so happy that we can do this together.

P.S: I heard your song. Thank you so much

-with love, Crona Albarn

END

A/N: wow I started this forever ago but I FINALLY finished!!!! Also I apologize if anything is inaccurate, it’s been forever since I read the manga haaaa

@alliope (is it okay if I tag you?? If not I’ll remove it :’) )

[beautyindisguise00]

How old will you be in 3 birthdays? Do you think you’ll be married by then?

Thursday night October 15, 2020 @8:23pm

How many hours has it been since you woke up? about 14. 

Who was the last female you hung out with? my coworker nici. my room didnt have that many kids and didnt need two teachers so i was able to work with her today which was nice for a change

How many keys are on your key chain? What do they go to? house key, apartment building key, apartment door, mailbox, car keys so 5

What were you doing the last time 7pm rolled around? cooking dinner which was fried noodles with poached eggs

Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? nope. my idiot self thought i had to one time. haha

Does your ex still think about you? i dont think so

What is something that always makes you feel pretty? when my hair is done, make up is done well, and a good outfit

What���s your favorite instrument? i guess i dont have one haha

Do you want to get married? very much. one day!

Is Catcher in the Rye in your library by any chance? no, it is not

Does the thought of moving out from home scare you? it depends on how far from here. i dont mind if it’s not more than 6 hours away 

Do you find smoking unattractive? not for me, no thanks

How old will you be in 3 birthdays? Do you think you’ll be married by then? i’ll be 27. according to my younger self’s plans, i thought i’d be married by 26 and kids at 28. at this point, i just hope i’d be engaged by 27. just waiting for the boyfriend to finish school and for the both of us to save up. haha

When is the next time you’re going on vacation? not for a loooong time cause of this crazy pandemic 

If you were offered to smoke some weed right now, would you accept? nah, i’ll pass

If you have siblings, which one of you is going to be married first? hopefully my older brother 

Do you smoke weed? i do not

Honestly, who is the last person to tell you that they love you? my boyfriend well technically my work kids. haha. i think Colton told me today. haha

How old will you be on your next birthday? What are you doing for it? 25. no big plans. maybe a spa day with the girls

Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? hahaha yes and it usually escalates to other fun things. hahahah

Are you currently renting out your own apartment? no but i am renting an apartment

Do you currently have a job? yes. daycare teacheer

Are you pregnant? nooooo

Have you taken anyone’s virginity? not yet

Have you had sex in the past three weeks? ^^

What would you consider to be the worst television channel out there? eh, there’s a few bad tv shows but i dont know. 

Are you currently sitting on your bed or some other place and where? im on the couch in the living room

Did anything tend to make you extremely happy today and, if so, what was it? just having a decent human conversation with my coworker nici. haha because sometimes my other coworkers dont talk to me or else they rant or complain

Have you ever had anyone drop off animals at your house and what kind? a friend dropped of a big fat brown bunny at my house one time. and we’ve dog sat for a family friend a few times 

Are you planning on going to the movies with anyone at all this weekend? no, covid

What month is it and would you consider this to be your favorite month? october and no. 2 more months til my favorite month

Have you ever made your boy/girlfriend choose between you and someone else? not like anything serious

Do you remember when some of the Walmarts had a McDonald’s in them? what?

When was the last time you took a shower and was that too long ago? like 2 nights ago? i have to take one tonight

When was the last time you were somewhere that offered free Wi-Fi? walmart? i think

Do you ever have to write down a phone number to remember it? no, i just put it in my phone. 

What color are your curtains and are you satisfied with this color? i have white blinds. the apartment came with them like that. i dont mind it

When was the last time you were stung by a bee and what kind was it? i think i was like 13? just a regular bee. i remember it fly between my foot and my sandal while i was walking and i stepped my foot down and it stung me!

Do you know anyone personally who had their house burn down before? my boyfriend’s brother and their family’s house caught on fire from an electrical fire

Do you think the media can further manipulate our teenagers anymore? oh goodness yes. especially in todays time where its normal for every singe teenager to have a phone

Have you ever had someone sympathetically lie to make you feel better? i’m sure

When was the last time you had a piece of cake and what was the occasion? i buy mini cheesecake bites for a small after dinner dessert

Has anyone ever complimented you on your singing and did you believe them? yes and no. haha while the rest of my family was blessed with musical talents, i was not

What’s your favorite kind of potato chip and are they cheap to buy? i like sunchips, funyuns, and any sour cream and onion flavored chips

Are you afraid to save your surveys because you think people will read them? nah, but this is the only place i post them  How satisfied with life are you at this exact moment in time and why is this? i’m trying to understand my life circumstance right now and trying to be content with where i’m at. i’d say i’m like a 7 on a 1-10 scale

Are you thinking about anything that’s upsetting right now? not really, just wondering why my boyfriend hasnt called me yet when its 9pm right now and my bedtime is in an hour cause of work

Who was the last male you hung out with? my boyfriend via facetime but otherwise my brothers at the pumpkin farm

Are you self conscious? sometimes

What are you not looking forward to? getting my period. i think it’s coming up soon

What did you realize yesterday? uhmm, not sure

Who was the last person to drive you somewhere? my sister when she and my mom came to visit me this past weekend

Do you want someone you can’t have? a career, a lot of money, hahaha

When was the last time you cried? a few days ago watching “while you were sleeping” with my boyfriend as we finished the last episode.

When was the last time you totally broke down? last 2 weeks ago when my boyfriend and i got into a small dispute 

If you could have one thing right now what would it be? a job as a wedding planner or even the assistant

Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? not recent, but a few people i’ve grown apart or lost connection with 

Recently kissed anyone with the name starting with a L? my boyfriend’s name starts with an L and the last time i kissed him was like three weeks ago when we were saying goodbye when i was in town for his grandpa’s funeral

What will you be doing in the next 2 hours? going to bed

This time last year were you happier then or now? now. haha. this time last year, i was stressing over what to do with my living situation and work situation 

Are you angry with someone right now? nope

Do you get stressed easily? sometimes

Do you have any problems? not any big ones

Do you have any plans for the weekend? nothing big. just get some work done and then a virtual meeting with my siblings

Be honest; name of the last person to text you? my coworker/coteacher Abby

Have you told anybody you loved them today? yes. i text my boyfriend a good morning text almost every day. i think i also told my work kid Colton i loved him too. haha he’s so sweet

Is your current hair color mostly your natural hair color? no, i colored it 2 months ago

Do you want to see somebody right now? yes

Have you been under the influence in the past 24 hours? no

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? my couch

What color hair did you have when you entered high school the first time? my natural hair

Did the last person you kiss have piercings? nope

Is there a certain eye color you are drawn to on the opposite sex? not really

Will you be seeing your ex any time soon? nope

Have you talked about marriage with another person? my boyfriend, my sister and when i went to my boyfriend’s grandpa’s funeral, i saw a lot of his family so they asked

Do you remember who you liked this time 3 years ago? yeah and its still the same

Do you know anyone who has been to rehab? nope

Do you think you’ll make a good parent? i sure hope so. i think i’d do a decent job with discipling and teaching when theyre young but teenage years kinda scare me. 

Do you think you’ll make a good husband/wife? i think so. im sure the first few years will be tough but i’ll get the hang of it! haha

[death-is-my-dishonor]

My mom's boyfriend is an abusive a-hole to us both and I'm not only hiding stuff for myself that helps me cope and/or just avoid being around him but I'm also hiding stuff for my mom. He doesn't go through my room now as far as I know, but he used to and even though he doesn't do it overtly anymore, he still tales any chance to look around when he's in here. Some things I've picked over the years:

Hiding stuff under pillows/mattresses is a good way to get it found in my experience, so I only did it with things I absolutely didn't mind being found/things that wouldn't get me in trouble.

Old stuffed animals/cloth based toys/layered blankets/pillows are bound to have holes, so cutting a small hole in them won't be suspicious especially if it has ruffles/fur type stuff on it to help hide it. I've personally stashed money, vape pens, phone chargers, and some other small things in the stuffing of stuffed animals and pillows. Blankets are a bit more risky because if they get washed and you forget to/can't take the stuff out, it can either be found or destroyed. I had this happen with a pair of headphones I wasn't supposed to have. Just make sure whatever you hide won't make noise when the item its hidden in is moved.

Phone cases are great places to hide money, just make sure it cant be seen. Most of the time in my experience people checking hour phone don't take the case off, just make sure the same goes for your situation. Obviously this won't work if you have a clear phone case tho so be careful. You can also hide notes/etc there that you need for a short amount of time.

When hiding things in bras, hide it inside the bra, not between the bra and your chest. I'm ftm and when I used to wear bras I would either cut a hole between the cloth and bra pad or purposely get bras with removable pads so I could use the precut holes to stash things. This goes both for while wearing them and while theyre in a drawer. Just make sure it cant be seen if someone looks through the drawer. Personally I used to save the pads from these kinds of bras when I threw them out and double them up in the ones i kept so hiding money was easier. It helps that I stopped wearing them so they just sit in my drawer and go unnoticed.

I have like four wallets and only two of them are known by the rest of the house. The others sit in the back of my closet under old stuff nobody looks at. They're both full of stuff I don't want found because getting to them is absolutely tedious hell.

If you're allowed picture frames, take the picture out and stash cash between the picture and the backing of the frame.

Places I hide food: pockets of old jackets, wrapped in bags under the main bag of my trash can (I have a small plastic trash can that nobody really goes through. He asks what's in it when I take it out to make sure I dont have soda cans or food wrappers but I'll get to how I deal with those later), inside a sealed plastic bowl behind a bunch of seemingly precarious but actually strategically stacked stuff in my closet.

Disposal of food/drink trash: most of the time I shove it to the bottom of my backpack and toss it out at school. Since that hasnt been an option recently, I crumble wrappers inside balls of paper when I throw paper trash away. I've gotten good at making convincing paper wads that hide a couple wrappers at a time. Cans are harder and I usually end up keeping them a bit longer because of this. I usually sneak them out to the outside trash can whenever I get the chance, or throw them away in the kitchen trash under other stuff when I'm home alone. I have also crushed them down while home alone and hidden them inside other trash to toss out.

If you're hiding coins, they make noise in pockets. Wrap them in something to keep them quiet when you get them into the house then put them somewhere safe. I do not like storing then with cash and instead keep them in various containers I know are inconspicuous and/or easily hidden.

This has been said before but I'll say it again, delete everything on your phone. If you can get a vault/hider app, get one. They look inconspicuous and are super useful for hiding apps and stuff you don't want found. I used to use a calculator one I can't remember the name of (its been about a year since I deleted it after no longer needing it) that was perfectly functional calculator until you input a specific code equation. I never used regular texting with anyone but my family (and the school Remind thing) because of this. I used discord and other social media to talk to friends because I could hide all of those apps. I also hid a lot of pictures here.

Stay safe and be careful!! Just because something works for some people foes not mean it works for everyone. Be vigilant and keep track of patterns and habits. Your biggest advantage is observation. Only you know what the specifics of your situation are and only can use that to judge what is and is not going to work. If you aren't sure, only try on a small scale first. When I take things on scared night be missed, I move them to a strange but plausible place first. Somewhere they wont likely be found but cant be claimed as "stolen" because its still in the main part of the apartment. Then I take the things when they've gone unnoticed there for what I consider long enough. My point is being careful and as safe as possible is the most important thing.

To those of you who had to hide stuff from your abusive parents in order to have anything… How did you do that?

Please reblog so other people can see.

Or maybe it’s not even in the past for you yet. I don’t have a lot of experience with this, so I don’t really have any tips. I know a lot of you deal with this, so if you could share any helpful ways to cope with this, I’m sure it would be really helpful!

[ubestudies]

10 years, 10 goals

10 years, 10 goals

tagged by @lighthearted-note  and @cjm-otstudies ; thank you!

your rules: list 10 goals you have for the next 10 years, write it down or save it somewhere you can find it again, then tag 10 people

in ten years from now, I will be 25.

1. i will have already been enrolled in a college and/or university (im sorry i dnt really know who school works lol)

2. i will have found a place for myself  

3. is it reasonable to be married at this age? if not, then i hope to have a significant othER AND I HOPE THEYRE AS COOL AS ME.

4. I WILL HAVE GONE TO A MUJI STORE.

5. cut my hair s h o r t (also bangs again if i ever feel like it again)

6. have a job :D

7. make lots of friends

8. gotten a new phone case (bc mine is super old lolololol)

9. buy a camerA!

10.  I WANT TO STUDY IN A CAFE AT LEAST ONCE

sorrysorry I did this so late my laptop kept on overheating so i couldnt keep it on long enough to answer asks haha

edit: I forgot to tag ten people oml im a mess:

@theunderagelawyer @gloomstudy @studycutea @studyofrussian @educaticns @studytune @histroical @notebooksandukuleles @beanstudyin and @jiyeonstudies if you havent already done it <3

[levieenrose]

plots

This is just a couple drabble i thought of at four in the morning instead of sleeping, these were all based on some of my favorite songs and the great way they were shuffled i guess? But I would love to write any of these, or at least see them written out or expanded. I really just wanted to get these all down because I knew I would forget.   sidebar: i’m not really supposed to be looking for anymore 1x1s but I mean....

We Don’t Talk Anymore

Both muses dated for a while and things ended for one thing or another but things were never resolved or felt like they didn't  get the closure they needed. Fast forward to a year later, muse a is engaged to someone that is the complete opposite of their ex and doesn’t have the heart to leave them. muse b has moved on with their life and is starting their business / getting a break in their career / good thing are coming towards them then muse a shows up at their place knocking not sure why they ended up there but they did and it’s day’s before the wedding and all they want is some sort of explanation on why they didn’t work out . Could be a slow burn or sneaking around angst

Gotta Get There

Muse a and b met during a summer vacation, beach town somewhere and then at the end of the summer muse a has to move back and they decide to stay together even though there’s a million miles between them. Muse A is either finishing up school or starting an internship and muse b is working a dead end up job or struggling at is bit both are trying to save up as much as they can so they can see each other again, long Skype dates are the only way they can see each other. They plan movies around each other’s schedules and have to factor is time differences

You and I

Muse a comes back to their hometown and runs I to their ex, complete opposites muse a is a city lover who lives sushi and is attached to their phone at all times hasn’t really slowed down since they left the small town. Muse b is a bartender who never wanted to leave the county much less the state, they live for trucks and taking it ease. But what they had with each other was a balance. Bonus points if muse b is rough with muse a.

Crazy/ U Drive me Crazy

Muse A and Muse B are still pretty young and very much in love, they both are musically inclined. Muse A plays the guitar and muse B sings, they've written a couple songs but haven’t gotten any exposure and they sing on the bleachers of their old school planning on what they want to do when they become famous and make it. Then one day muse b puts a small cover by themselves on Instagram and it blows up and executives call them up offering a record contract and theyre like uh were a duo.

Despacito

Muse A goes to a club every week just for the fun of it and meet muse B one night and they spend the entire time dancing and hooking up in the bathroom. What they thought was just a small hook up turns out to get muse b knocked up and she’s at his house place, how she found out his name idk but, she’s ready to be like I can do this on my own and he’s like this wasn’t part of the plan OK. And they try to either make it work or co-parent and get everything all lined up before the baby comes. And one night the song they danced to comes on and they both look at each other and get up to dance and they feel the baby kick for the first time.

Let me Love You

Muse a broke up with their ex and feels shitty about it and tries to hook up with the first person willing and in comes muse b. And turns out muse a was just having horrible sex for years and they keep hooking up but won’t say they’re dating bc #toosoon and then a couple weeks later muses a’s ex shows up begging for them to come back and due to the family ties they have muse a feels guilty and is super confused about everything

Say You Won’t Let Go

Married muses, have a couple young kids and have a set routine and still love each other but they’re both tired. One night after the kids are asleep they open a bottle of wine and talk about everything they did before settling down. Every adventure every date would be a Para from the first date to the first I love you to the proposals and wedding days. Each take turns saying bits and parts but they both tell the story a little differently or at least from their point  of view. Some stories are happy some stories are sad and bring up bad memories but they keep going with the stories

Green Light

Pure exs who hate each other and are now with people that they said they hated when they were together. Ones with the bottle blonde and the other one is with the fuck boy and they kept running into each other and doing things to pissed the other off. Since they know each other to their very core they know what to do or say to get under each other’s skin. Never hook up or cheating on their partners but just tension and fighting constantly. Bonus if muse a is small and is ready to fight muse b at any point, they have to hold muse a back

Better than Revenge

This is more platonic ish. Muse a got cheated on by their partner and muse b was that person they cheated with not knowing they were taken. Muse a is livid and hurt and hates muse b for wreaking their home and leaves somewhere. Fast forward years later and muse b dated the ex for a bit and asshole cheated on them too, so they run into each other and get to talking and muse a while still hurt no longer hate muse b and they go over war stories about how shitty their partner was and how they both could do better and become friends and become close.