#theyre able to but they dont fucking care
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kahin Β· 8 months ago
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sort of thinking abt. how suicidal i've been since. the move here. i cant stand living here another day if i have to go outside and interact with people who clearly dont seem to give a shit about me n dont ACTUALLY care abt my culture or my people / brothers and sisters im going to fucking pop.
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passerinesoncaffeine Β· 2 days ago
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tonight on thinking about homura and madoka.
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#........................................dude#head in hands#ALMOST A HUNDRED FUCKING TIMES SHE WAS TRAPPED IN THE LOOP ALMOST A HUNDRED. FUCKING. TIMES#god#they give me so many emotions#theres something about doomed timeloops where over and over again you have to watch the one person you gave everything to save#die over and over and over. and you just have to get back up again knowing that you wont be able to save them#but you get up anyways and you try again even as you slowly lose yourself to the point they dont even recognize you anymore.#they barely know you at all. but thats okay because it was always for them anyways so who cares if they dont know you as long as theyre saf#it was always for them. because they were everything. and without them you are nothing at all. even if they dont know you.#at one point they did. at one point they loved you. and it was everything.#and holy FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKk#you guys I could talk about homura for hours#SHE SPENT 12 YEARS IN THAT LOOP. 12 YEARS.#GUYS. SHE WAS 14 YEARS OLD WHEN SHE MADE THE WISH. 14. SHE WAS 14 FUCKING. YEARS OLD.#i love homura. she is my daughter she is aksifhmkjhsngkjnhajfsjkgnskjgh#augh. doomed yuri. my doomed daughters. they just wanted to protect each other. and it cost them everything.#pmmm#raven rambles#theres a pattern here. you see. you see how my favorite characters are always the ones who only live for one other person#to the point it kills them. it leads them to kill. they felt unconditional love for the first time and it is their death.#they know it is. and they walked into hell willingly but they couldnt die. not if there was a chance they could have that again.#not if there was a chance the one who loved them could be safe from that pain. do you see. theres a fucking pattern here#they'll watch themselves become someone they hate but someone who might be able to save them this time. do you understand#augh. okay I'll shut up and go to bed#Im just having Emotions tonight ig
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triglycercule Β· 3 days ago
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How do you think the fandom somehow turned Horror into a really nice sweet guy who can practically do no wrong when his original counterpart is just such a fucking dickhead
ERUAGH this topic always intrigues me as a proud asshole horror truther BUT ALSO i love fanon horror too πŸ’”πŸ’” because for me i was "there" for the og years of horror's character getting turned into this total baby but i wasnt THERE THERE (aka here on tumblr because i didn't even know what tumblr was back in like 2016-17 πŸ’€)
so for me i can only guess. imo i think it was just a combination of flanderization & lack of canon knowledge PLUS the fact that the only info that was first known about horror himself was just from the flashgame (since all of chapter 1 of horrortale is about toriel and the ruins so by then horror's already got an established stereotype and image and people just dont read the comic enough to actually correct this). its just a bunch of layers of mischaracterization that quickly piled up and its packed TIGHTLY now in this current age
horror in the flash game is presented REALLY simply,,,, he's just this guy that taps on wood with a cleaver that kills you if you get too nosy or dont listen to papyrus and makes jokes about food. we dont know if he doesn't eat food at all yet since the panel establishing that horror hasnt eaten food in 7 years comes out in 2018 in pg44 πŸ’€ (and technically the hint that he hasn't eaten humans at all came out in pg33 but again making comic pages takes awhile and i know that horrortale's had its fair share of hiatuses thru the years,,,,) so this lack of knowledge about his hunger can ALREADY lead to the "foodie" trope that he has since he makes jokes about head dogs n stuff
the protective part can also be assumed by how he's always making sure that aliza plays along with papyrus's games and when we get later into chapter 2 and learn about snowdin that he also provides for everyone there by feeding them with humans. i always see people bringing up these arguments of how "OH WELL horror feeds everyone in horrortale and protects them from undyne so he'd do the same for others too!!!" well yeah sure but like,,,, he also feels incredibly guilty about the position that he's put them in and feels obligated to do that just because,,, MAYBE he'd provide for others like how he does in snowdin but REALLY? youre using the bare minimum of him providing BASIC FOOD AND PROTECTION as a way of justifying his protective tendencies??? i feel like that could work better (in a bad sanses context. because you always see this bullshit in nightmare's gang,,,,, (nightmare is a catalyst for bad characterization WHEN I CATCH YOU WHEN I CATCH YOU)) if his provider tendencies were given a more unique approach than just feeding them and stuff. horror wouldn't have the same attachment he had to snowdin with any of the gang so he wouldn't treat them the same or even similarly!!! AT ALL!!!!! oops i got sidetracked BUT ANYWAYS
and then for the big bear giant thing where people make him 3x the size he normally is (WHICH IS PEAK KEEP DOING IT,,,,,, epaugh small dust big horror would be the second only thing to put me to death if i was 95 and on my deathbed. right after any mtt fanart poly or not) i feel like just came from the simple idea of Big=Scary because idk megalophobia or smth. like people saw him and maybe horror was too much of a kicked puppy to be scary in their eyes so people were like lets size him up!! i do remember seeing a post where the reason why people hced horror was big was bc all his limited magic was put into sustaining his body and thats why his bones are thick but that just like,,,,, doesn't make sense to me. like even animals here on EARTH with normal diets have limited growth capacity simply because a larger body means more sustenance for it so why would he be bigger if that would just make him hungrier??? nevertheless I STILL LOVE DISPROPORTIONATELY BIG HORROR but unfortunately it does contribute to fanon horror πŸ’”πŸ’”πŸ’”
this fandom is notorious for not reading canon info too sooo,,,, LIKE I SAID it was a mix of lack of canon info + horrortale being underdeveloped + flanderization of his basic traits which were then amplified when people came up with hcs for this flanderized version of horror and not his canon one. i mean you gotta be honest that fanon versions of characters will almost ALWAYS be easier to make fun jokes and art and writing of just bc of the fact that they are simpler!! almost all of the utmv au characters have this trait where their fanon version is a really really REALLY simplified/flanderized version of themselves which like,,,, you go you! just make sure to read horrortale pls :3 its peak fiction pls :3 the comic is so fire :3 the gore isnt really that graphic (in my opinion) you might be able to stomach it :3
#i find it so funny that people just like outright forget that these guys. these guys are murderers bruh#like SURE ok hahaa horror put human into that meal. but remember that he had to kill a person for that#dust might be baby and bunny but his entire story is one about coping with grief about your terrible actions AKA MURDER. HES MURDER SANS#killer is totally girlypop and yes he deserves a happy ending but he killed a SHITTON of people. ermmmmm Cancelled!#its just so funny to me because only dust gets to be remembered as a murderer most of the time in fanon nm's gang#he's always the one with the LV CRAZES πŸ‘ΉπŸ‘ΉπŸ‘Ή and LV URGES πŸ‘ΉπŸ‘ΉπŸ‘Ή and PHANTOM PAPYRUS πŸ‘ΉπŸ‘ΉπŸ‘ΉπŸ‘Ή#probably bc like 60% of his character is about that compared to killer and horror but STILL#a LOT more emphasized is placed on dusts killings in his canon content than hrkl#and people mostly just focus on killer's dynamic w nightmare and then yk. just sending horror off to the kitchen for the 85th time#personally i dont really gaf and care. HONESTLY i love fanon i love seeing other people's ideas :3#but 4 me im a FIRM believer of 'if you wanna see ___ and there is none of it then YOU have to make it'#if the world does not have the change you wish it had then you must be the one to pioneer that change#i mean you have a right to be upset and fanon and how they fucked up pookie#but also you are not being forced to think of pookie in fanon context in your head#sure all the other content might be able fanon pookie WHICH YOU HATE#but if you just suck it up and persevere and pioneer then youll find people like you#and then all you fellas can create your content content about your preferred idea of pookie!!! BOOM!!! problem solved#but i do think that critisms of fanon content should honestly be more common and widespread but still#to me other people are still having fun with these simplified building block versions of the characters#if theyre having fun and not hurting anyone then its ok!!! state your opinions and be different but in the end its ok!!!!#canon and fanon can coexist peacefully in my head :3 they dance around like little balls of light#because in the end both canon and fanon have people's love and joy put into them. does it matter if one is more 'correct' than the other??#fanon is just a form of expression and there is no 'correct' way of expressing because its all just a concept in the end!!! ITS NOT REAL!!!#SURE canon might be the original branch but as long as its acknowledged and homage is paid then fanon can be just as amazing as canon#tricule asks#THANK YOU FOR THE ASK ANON :333 I LOVE YAPPING ABOUT MY FAVORITE TRIO πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜‡πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜#its always so fun to analyze small things like this...... canon to fanon pipeline is so fun to think about.........#i love gettings asks!!! i love explaining my ideas!!! i love sharing thoughts with someone who felt they wanted to hear it!!!!!! :333333
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saturnsfather Β· 1 month ago
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the thing about mouthwashing is things only could have turned out different if they were different people. and unfortunately they could only all be who they always were. and none of it was enough to stop it all from happening. the point is that nothing could have stopped the events of the game from happening. that is what makes it a tragedy. they were always going to end up here. he was always going to end up alone, scared, in pain, and fully equipped with the knowledge that even if there came a time he wasnt alone again, to the people who found him, he was Completely And Utterly Expendable.
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irrelevant-iguanadon Β· 5 months ago
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Not to restate things that have already been stated time and time again but Jesus vote and don't fucking vote 3rd party. I want to live, I want to see my friends live and it's going to be so much harder if trump wins. People will die. People I love and you love will die. Please fucking vote if you can and please fucking vote for Biden because if you don't then it's clear you really don't care about queer and trans kids, queer and trans people in general, SA victims, people of color, fucking teachers and educators, single moms, and anyone and everyone in between. People you and I both love will be in so so much danger. Please vote.
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skelevision Β· 6 months ago
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english jinriki utau is coming along!! hes based on a tts so he sounds kinda harsh and choppy (so im tuning him more robotically than i usually do). im actually enjoying working on his design. which is rare! so theres a wip of that too. his name is J, hes a decommissioned aquarium tour android. and hes just a little guy. he likes going to the beach and pointing out all the animal species he can find. hes not supposed to be able to sing And his vocal system is damaged, but he hangs out with androids who can sing and hes enamored with music so he tries his best
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phagodyke Β· 1 year ago
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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....
#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🀭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space#like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else#other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh#to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn#i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding#and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt#unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow#and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation#abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol#and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever#and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress#i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes#like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up#a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl#ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs#im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> πŸ›Œ#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo#.diaries#zzzzz
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justewil Β· 5 months ago
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ok i love the mv viewer actually
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martyrbat Β· 26 days ago
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blocking so many people tonight because how the hell do you post this without an ounce of self shame? 'there are people out there who are just as scared as you are' are you including the people your candidate has funded a genocide against? are you including the people Israel targets and opresses with the US regularly funding its crimes against humanity? the people who cant just go have a snack and talk to their friends because they watch their friends be murdered and theyre facing starvation? are you including the people you called the genocide of as a necessary sacrifice and something thats a 'lesser evil'? do you take into account their fear and trauma for a year of nonstop bombings, drones, missiles, shootings, invasions, etc?
'the world is going to be tense' its already fucking tense, you people just dont give a shit about anyone that isnt white or cant play into your ultimate victim complex to excuse your eager participation in genocide. you cant call for people to just 'survive' when you helped put a heavy asterisk next to who exactly expected to stay living if your war criminal wins.
[GO DONATE TO DOCTOR MOATH]
#also already seen so many people fucking sprouting out their manifest destiny bullshit without second thought over red states#without acknowledgement of the largely Black population in the deep south and the queer people that live in these areas#because it was never about protecting POC or queer people. it was about protecting their comfort in being able to ignore the people in thes#states that they say tarnish and impose dangers against the 'greater populace'#(because the rest of this country is soooo great and admirable and safe for marginalized communities of course.)#like i always think of how white and democratic populations support for BLM was LOWER than before george floyd's murder only a year later#liberals rely on POC (especially Black people) to vote blue and if a state is red theyre the first to be blamed#and then told they deserve the ongoing oppression and targeted abuse they face for not 'showing up'#you use their life and the fact theyre opressed to advocate for a 'lesser evil' and that their lives are at risk#and when Black or Palestinian or Asian or Indigenous or Hispanic or any other POC group tells you theyre still being fucking opressed#you call them psyops or that they'll be to blame if ppl dont vote blue because they 'complained' or wasnt compliant in you using their live#as a political tool. you scream protect trans bodies for a candidate that made no promises to provide protection#and you blame queer people in red states for staying there and that theyre willing victims#you call a genocide a lesser evil. you looked at it and DEFENDED the funding of it saying at least its not 'cheeto man' paying billions#for the murder and terrorism against Arab communities and countries.#there was mass surveillance against Palestinians here. theres border walls and sieges and torture here.#youre a colonizer and supporter of imperialism while using progressive language and softening the role you participated in in advocating fo#an administration thats currently commiting genocide and ongoing colonization#youre fucking tense while sitting in bed with a thumb up your ass because the opressor you supported might lose.#you havent even waited for results to blame and harass the communities and people in areas that mostly have targets on their back#regardless of who's the president or not#you dont care about anyone but saving your own damn back and youre willing to turn it against other opressed people#the second youre given a chance.
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princessmyriad Β· 1 month ago
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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toytulini Β· 2 months ago
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"why are people mad about AI being pushed on them when they SHOULD be mad about all the privacy erosion??"
1) plenty of us bitches are mad and annoyed about both, actually.
2) the privacy erosion has become the normalized state of existence for the average person for the last 10 fucking years at least, its snuck in, they disguise it as Convenient Features to Help You Shop Better, and thats IF they bother telling you theyre doing it, instead of just opting all your shit in without asking, its so fucking normalized that yeah, a lot of people do not bother to question it, they just sigh in resignation and go, yeah, i guess, do i even have other options? and they do, but theyre an investment of learning and time you dont have capacity for at the moment, or maybe you do but you feel like you dont bc it feels like a bigger hurdle than it is, and computer stuff is already kind of intimidating, cos man, what if you hit the wrong thing and brick your expensive ass machine? easier to just let it data harvest, you guess, it cant be THAT bad, can it? plenty of people live like this, put up with this, seek this out, its easier not to resist the privacy erosion. fucking whatever, i guess. yeah, i guess twitter i mean X, or walmart, or facebook, can just have all of my contact info and my phone number and my birthday and phone contacts and bank information and fuck it, give them my ssn while im at it. less effort later. this is just how tech has been for the last 10 yrs. no one can effectively get rage clicks on this topic anymore bc we all fucking know. it sucks and we know. what do you want me to fucking do about it? i have other shit to deal with more urgently. etc
3)
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you cant turn anything on or log onto anything or go anywhere without hearing about whatever new shit theyre throwing AI at for no real reason, no one will fucking Shut Up about AI, and its Annoying, man
#toy txt post#toy pic post#image id in alt text#im so fucking Tired of hearing about it and in applications that make no sense cos they made the thing and are now trying to justify its#existence and cost instead of like. creating it to actually meet a need.#im annoyed at both of these things everytime i turn on the god damn computer#i keep getting texts about upgrading my phone to get one of the new AI models. man. i dont want that#i dont want it bc theyre as invasive as ever and the ai shit is stupid and i dont want it#AND YES. THERE ARE GOOD AND USEFUL AND DECENT APPLICATIONS AND USES FOR AI. I KNOW. ITS NOT ALL BAD#BUT MOST OF THE FUCKING CHATTER ABOUT IT IS ANNOYING AND THE INTERNET IS AS FILLED AS EVER WITH MEANINGLESS BULLSHIT#WHETHER IT BE AI GENERATED OR JUST TALKING ABOUT THEIR NEW BULLSHIT GENERATOR 3000. PLEASE DOWNLOAD#TO JUSTIFY THE VENTURE CAPITAL#man ppl are tired of it all. we want to opt out of it all#and some dont even want to bother.#and then theres ppl like my mom who no. i cant convince her the privacy erosion is a problem bc on an individual level she doesnt care#but i could convince her hopefully to be wary of 'answers' from ai and that they generate slop and if anyone asks you for money for ai shit#lmao Dont. okay#and at this point ill take that as a wij#win#and honestly the privacy erosion at this point. needs. legislative shit. legislative shit that isnt just 'oh the companies were data#harvesting teens? well if the companies stop giving that info to advertisers and instead give it to Their Parents. and also give them full#control of their accounts and everything the kids see. well that fixes it. no. god#its a big stupid messy problem that is gonna suck to fix and so far anyone who talks about fixing it on a mass scale is a fucking hack#who is fear mongering to exert more control over kids man it all sucks so bad. and it sucks more cos it doesnt Have To#it Could be good! computers could be good again. the answer is not necessarily everyone download linux bc thats not going to happen#maybe more ppl should and that would be good for us. yes. like idk teach it in school or some shit. but that cant be the only thing you do#windows and Microsoft and apple should not be retroactively fucking up the products they have monopolized into everyones homes & businesses#they should not be ABLE to do this. idkeverything sucks and is stupid and that sucks and is stupid and you all are complaining about dumb#rubes getting mad at the wrong thing and falling for ai fear mongering instead of being like. why are the bitches who are turning every god#damn computer into inherent spyware also shotgunning money into ai amd articles hyping up about ai
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triglycercule Β· 3 months ago
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give me more horrorkiller content i say as i proceed to post solely about full mtt/mttpoly. i cant I CANT i cant just SOLELY post about one of the duos...... i cant JUST post about 2/3 of them it upsets me. everything MUST be in a trio of else i merge into my bed and rip my skin off when i try to get up
#it physically upsets me when i make 2/3 mtt content#i literally feel EMPTY like.... THIS IS NOT COMPLETE!!!! THEYRE NOT COMPLETE!!!! I NEED THE THIRD OF THE SET OF THREE DOLLS!!!!!!#maybe its just because i have a tendency to want completed things. royale high back in the day was terrible for me the collector#me at miniso opening blindboxes until i get the very specific 3 that represent the mtt idc how much it costs#i just choked on spit while typing this thats how i know that mtt content without the third is a curse#even if i did make just solely a horrorkiller post id just bring dust up in tags 😭😭😭 it would just end up being mtt poly in the end anyways#horrordust but i physically cant resist the urge to type out killer in tags#the dynamic just doesnt feel complete and im being so fucking serious about this#there is something MISSING from horrordust. horrorkiller. kist. something very wrong missing#the ship hits because its mtt but it doesnt feel SATISFYING without all three#i just cant explain it but there is an inexplicable whole in my soul that cannot be filled unless its with full trio#like just..... theres an aspect to the perfect group that each of the trio satisfies#this is absolutely an old thought but one that will never leave my mind#when youve become so inlove with the mtt that you simply like the concept of three now on its own and cant fathom one or god forbid TWO#3 is my favorite number now..... bc of mtt....... ermmmm...........#orange is my favorite BUT like.... red blue and purple as a group are tied for it in my heart#a lot of my favorite things have shifted because of the mtt#so when you (me) ask me to do anything BUT in threes i ask you......................... do you want me to kill mysel#i pat my dog 3 times on the head to signal im done petting her#ive trained my hands to be able to shuffle between βœŒοΈπŸ€˜πŸ€™ on instinct now. its routine#god i make everything about the mtt its not even funny. only true mtt fans have made a song cover singing as them#i demoted myself to number 3 fan in my bio during my little mental break i had a couple days ago#but 3 is still high for the sheer amount of mtt fans that they are so i really dont care..... someone else can have spot 1 and 2 but 3#tricule rant
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nomairuins Β· 3 months ago
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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cautionszz Β· 3 months ago
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earnestly i do not understand why they dont just do repeat splatfests forever. why would you remove features from your game 2 YEARS after it started EXISTING. aggravating
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arundolyn Β· 3 months ago
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not to be a complete ungrateful terrible horrible brat for a minute but like having a terminally ill parent who is also terminally fucking shitty really sucks because not only do you personally have to cope with your parent actively dying but also said parent will get mad at you for wanting time to yourself and not wanting to be their live in nurse 24/7 and also like completely forget about who you are and what you're like as a person especially in terms of like . energy level. because it's not convenient to them right now so anytime you try to think of yourself it always feels like you're Choosing Wrong
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rockandrolldisgrace Β· 1 year ago
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a little vent
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