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boosterwithad · 1 year

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All the headcanons for my ships. I might update this sometimes.

Ships include: Soapghost, Alegraves, Pricegaz, and Körangi. BUT i might add Krüni (Krüger x Oni), we'll see.

SoapGhost

- Johnny can't cook. He tries, he tries so hard. He meticulously follows each instruction in the recipe, but it still comes out burnt or nasty. Simon, on the other hand, throws some shit in a pot, stirs it for a second and it tastes fucking amazing.

- Johnny can't cook, BUT he can clean. He's good at cleaning, like he kicks Simon out of the apartment, deep cleans it, and lets him back in to a fresh apartment clean as the day they first got it.

- Johnny can bake. And he loves baking. He used to bake on base whenever he was bored. It gave him something to do with his hands. Simon picked it up, but he mostly likes the decorating part. So, they opened up a small bakery near Johnny's hometown. Riley isn't allowed there, but it's alright because Johnny's sister and her kids love him.

- Sometimes they'll just sit together and do nothing. Johnny is drawing while Simon is flopped on his chest or playing with his hair. Just being in eachother's presence.

- They've got an old bomb dog. Riley. He's a good boy, can't see so well anymore, but he's happt to get loved on all day. He loves taking long walks through town with Simon.

- Simon runs cold, Johnny runs hot. Simon's favorite way to fuck with Johnny is to grab his pecs with his freezing cold hands and watch as Johnny squeals and smacks at him every time.

- Their petnames are weird. "L.t." for intance has become one. But Johnny will say more traditional ones just to make Simon flush. Simon isn't partial to cheesy nicknames, but occasionally a "honey" will slip out and Johnny will have to take a breather. Like, hand on counter fist over chest, sobbing and coughing type. He's a total simp.

- Most of the floors in their house are hardwood. Minus the kitchen and bathrooms. Simon hates carpet, he's seen how easily it get stained. John is indifferent, but he has to agree; Carpet never feels good on his feet.

- Johnny has absolutely NO filter. Whatever pops into his head is out his mouth before he knows it. Before they were dating, Johnny spat out a "Ye've got some bonnie chebs, Ghost" and had to use Simon's lack of scottish knowhow to bs his way out of that one.

- Simon is albino, he cannot go out into sunlight for too long. But Johnny really likes the beach. So obviously Johnny lugs a tent around for him.

- Simon hates needles, so Johnny helps him with his T shots.

- Simon struggles a lot with schizophrenic-like symptoms from his PTSD. Most of the time they're small auditory hallucinations, like someone calling his name, or the sound of gunfire. The more severe ones (which only really happen when he's off his meds) could be anything from fires to Joseph. He has a cocktail of drugs he takes just to keep them at bay.

- Johnny stims on everything. He cannot sit still, he'll either be bouncing from foot to foot or be antsy and restless. Simon has to kick him to make him stop every night because he just cannot relax.

It was such a bad issue that Johnny needed meds to feel normal. Sleeping pills and adhd meds. It made him feel really broken, until Simon started setting their pills out together. Simon is the strongest man Johnny knows, surely Johnny can't be broken if Simon takes meds, too.

- Johnny is 27, and Simon is 34.

- idk if I've ever explicitly said this but Simon has schizophrenia and complex-ptsd. The symptoms kinda mixed so he never really got diagnosed with schizophrenia until late in his career. It's rough, but he's pretty good at managing it. His best tactic is using his phone camera to determine wether or not he's hallucinating.

AleGraves

- Simon is lingeromantic caedsexual. It took him a very long time to trust Johnny completely. Johnny is pan, he wears his heart on his sleeve. His attractions are frequent but shallow, and Simon is the first he's found that he really got attached to.

- Johnny is obsessed with Simon's hair. Its fluffy and curly and he could run his hands through it all day.

- Alejandro is so gentle with Phillip. Normally, he's confident, and sure of himself. But he's never had a good thing in a while. Not since he and Rudy met. He's terrified he'll fuck it up.

- Phillip can't really cook in the way Alejandro is used to, but he does enjoy making Southern food for him. He also gets really upset when someone calls southern buscuits "Scones" because scones are made of sugar dammit.

- Alejandro loves to do Phillip's hair. He'll gently sit him in a tub and work soaps through his hair until Phillip is half asleep and his hair is clean.

- Their house is very cozy. It's got a stone fireplace and plenty of cushions and blankets. They even have a small library. The library may or may not be primarily made up of classified documents sandwiched with old history books.

- Both run cold. They cannot survive in weather below 65° F. They visited England once, to meet up with Price and Kyle, and regretted it.

- Once Alejandro got sent to Russia on a mission, Phillip never heard the end of it.

- Alejandro uses so many pet names. He only uses the cheesy Spanish ones. Like "Mi vida" and "Cariño" but his favorite is "Sombra". Phillip rarely uses any, but sometimes the southerner in him bares its ugly head and he lets a "honey" or "sugar" slip.

- Phillip is a big thrifter. It's a habit he never got over. He never hoards, but he might have a too-big collection of mugs

- Alejandro doesn't know Phillip speaks, or at least understands, Spanish. It's not that Phillip wants to keep the secret, but lazy nights when Alejandro is cooing spanish compliments at him in "secret" makes him keep it.

- Phillip religiously makes sweet tea. Every other day he refills a massive jug with it. Alejandro likes to pretend that he doesn't drink any, but he's shit at lying.

- Alejandro is the emotional one. He might not always be the best at handling them, but he's deffo not ashamed of them. Phil on the other hand was born in the conservative south to your typical toxically masculine family, he was ridiculed for showing emotions. Its embarrassing for him to show anything thats not anger, or to not be in control all the time.

- Alejandro has dermatillomania. He picks at his lips and whatever ingrown/double hairs he has on him, he rips the skin around his fingernails. It really frustrates him because he just can't stop. Phil has a knack for catching the behavior and redirecting his attention.

- Alejandro is obsessed with Phil's body. Not in a sexual way. But, he'll sit there with Phil in his lap just mapping him out with his hands with a massive grin on his face. His tummy, his muscles, his hips, Alejandro cannot get enough of him. He's just so damn pretty and Alejandro can't believe that Phil is his husband.

- Phil has the highest blood pressure man has ever seen. He is so stressed all the time, he looks about twice his age. Every night when he gets home, he'll shove his face into Alejandro's magical stress relieving titties and just cry.

- Phil is 38, Alejandro is 37

PriceGaz

- they've got a small, lithe cat. A grey-based calico named Magazine, they call her Maggie for short.

- Alejandro sends Phil pics of everything. Like if he was stationed in Germany, Phil would get pics of anything from a silly looking car to a mountain or sunset.

- They have a cat. He's old, and geriatric, and his name is Greg. They love him very much, but he only loves Simon.

- Kyle is a family man, and was so excited to show John his family. John's parents weren't in the picture. He grew up taking care of his three younger siblings. He was nervous to meet them, to tell them he didn't have a family like theirs. But Kyle's mother took one look at him, sat him down for tea, and they talked for a real long time.

- They probably live in a cabin on the seaside. It's small, probably only three rooms including the bathroom, but it's enough for them. They take turns cooking, or they do it together. Then, they take long walks down the beach to find shells.

- John is a space heater, and constantly wakes up with Kyle spread over his chest. Hell, even Greg has taken to suffocating him in his sleep.

- Neither of them regularly use petnames, but John certainly turns into a 50 year old southern woman whenever they're cooking. "Oh, sugar, don't burn yourself" and "Babe, be careful with that knife." Kyle thinks its charming.

- Kyle only wears clothes two sizes up. He hates tight fitting clothing, and he absolutely hates anything that shows any of his torso. It's his biggest insecurity. John knows, maybe Kyle's never told him, but he knows.

- Kyle loves smoker candles. Not because John smokes, but because it reminds him of his home. I'll let y'all unpack that one.

- They have two blankets on their bed because they steal from eachother. Kyle will take it, then John will take it back. Frustrates Kyle to no end.

- Kyle has a designated chair in John's office. It has his name on it (literally) and Kyle is always huffy when someone steals it.

- Kyle hates coffee. John hates tea. They complete eachother. Kyle does tease John about being a "shit brit"

- John's family is either dead, or too far away for him to know. IIt really doesn't bother him, since it all happened a long time ago, but he cant help but feeling a little miffed that he never knew his mom very well.

- Kyle's background is of them. None of his social media mentions their relationship, which makes him upset, but fraternization with your commanding officer is a big oopsie. His lockscreen is Greg, but his background is a collage of all of his favorite moments together. It rips him apart that he can't gush about his husband, you know, because its highly illegal.

Körangi

- John is 40, Kyle is 30.

- Kyle collects stupid instruments. Harmonica, spoons, singing bowl, kazoos. If they're small enough to fit in his pack, he grabs it.

- Kim's English is way better than König's. It was a suprise to them, since German is very close to English. Either way, Kim still makes fun of König (in jest, of course) for it.

- A lot of people expect Kim to be horrible with his money, but he's actually been clean from his addiction for a few years. He has a hefty sum in his accounts, and likes to let it sit and accumulate. König's is mostly empty, since he sends most of his money to his mother back in Austria. Kim is more than happy to pay for him too.

- König has to duck everywhere, and he never quite fits into bets right. When they got their first house, Kim said he'd take care of it. König didn't think much about it, until he got to the house for the first time. Every doorframe and ceiling was slightly taller. Tall enough that he didn't have to duck or crunch for space. Their bed was extra long and spacious, so he didn't have to crunch up or take up all the space.

- Kim is König's little hand warmer. He is small but he can heat a room in 5 minutes. König runs cold, like his hands will always be freezing. Its a real problem during the winter, but it's a perfect excuse for Kim to melt on König's chest when it too cold.

- Both use petnames. Never in English, König because he doesn't understand them, and Kim because he thinks they sound silly. König is a hopeless romantic, and probably would use something like "schatz", "suße" and "bienchen" while Kim would say "aein" only rarely.

- They've definitely learned enough of eachother's language to know what simple requests are. Kim will call across the house for König to do the dishes, and König will do them, then realize that not only was his request in Korean, but that he doesn't speak Korean.

- König has struggled with eating disorders his whole life. He was a twig in elementary school, and his mom fattened him up. But when he looked into the mirror after a few weeks, and saw a stomach, he nearly fainted. Kim didn't notice at first, König hides it really well. But after a while it's hard not to notice him refusing meals. He'll slip him something small, nothing scary.

- König can absolutely manhandle Kim and he uses it to his advantage. Kim can't reach something? Lift him up. Kim is angry? Pick him up. Kim is standing there all cute n' shit? Pick him up. Kim responds just like a cat, pout and all.

- Kim HATES fizzy drinks. They taste like static, and make his tummy hurt :( He'll wait for his sodas to go flat, ice them, then drink them. Like a psycho. König pretty much only drinks sparkling water and is mortified at Kim's soda habits.

- Kim's love language is touch. He likes to say he's not clingy, but König knows hes full of shit because he cannot sleep without him.

- König's is definitely gifts. He likes to give Kim rocks. He knows a lot about them, and they're really easy to come by. Other times he'll just give him random shit he picked up. A small peice of tarmac from Ukraine, a pebble from Nepal, a small bottle cap from Nicaragua. Kim has a whole collection of stuff from him and he refuses to give any of it up.

- Kim hates clothes. He'll just lounge around König's room in just his boxers or a pair of sweats. He likes being warm, not uncomfortably warm, but warm. König has an entire stash of Korean snacks for him since Kim hates western snacks (except for Blue Takis for some reason).

- Kim is 32, König is 33. Kim jokingly refers to him as a grandpa, to which König gently reminds him that, that would make him a grandma.

- König has THE thickest hair you will ever see in your life. It's curly but its super long so it's like a goddamn waterfall. Meanwhile Kim has really thin, and delicate hair. It's soft and silky.

- Kim does NOT do good in the dark. This man is terrified of being trapped in dark rooms. He clung to König like a baby every night until König realized what was wrong.

- they have a pikachu nightlight.

#pricegaz #gazprice #alegraves #ghostsoap #soapghost #phillip graves #alejandro vargas #john price #kyle gaz garrick #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #körangi #kim horangi hong jin #könig cod

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sadistpet · 10 months

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headcanon. clinical mental health talk below the cut, it's LONG.

raikov has a number of mental health issues. due to the nature of mental health awareness - not to mention mental health awareness for men - in the 1960s, especially in the soviet union, he never actually gets any of these diagnosed. obviously, he still suffers from them regardless, and his symptoms are both distressing and impairing for him. the disorders in question are:

⍟ unspecified trauma- and stressor-related disorder (due to his childhood and abuse during his time in the military) ⍟ borderline personality disorder (bpd) ⍟ histrionic personality disorder (hpd) ⍟ and dependent personality disorder (dpd).

since i really like talking about mental health, i thought i'd make a little post explaining them in a bit of detail ! please bear in mind i am not a professional, just a mentally ill person who knows what i'm talking about. all criteria is taken from the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fifth edition. not using the international classification of diseases 11th edition (icd-11), nor the one from the 1960s (icd-7), or the dsm-i because they all suck ass ❤ also dont be ableist ill be hoo boy ill be cranky

UNSPECIFIED TRAUMA- AND STRESSOR-RELATED DISORDER

most people know about post traumatic stress disorder, and / or complex post traumatic stress disorder, but people often don't realise there's more disorders under the "trauma- and stressor-related disorders" category. there's acute stress disorder, reactive attachment disorder, disinhibited social engagement disorder, and adjustment disorders.

however, there are also two other disorders under the category ; otherwise specified trauma- and stressor-related disorder, for diagnoses that don't exactly fit the criteria for any of the others, and unspecified trauma- and stressor-related disorder, which is a diagnosis for a) people who don't have enough symptoms to meet the criteria for another disorder, or b) when there isn't enough information to make a diagnosis of another disorder. in these circumstances, a diagnosis of "unspecified trauma- and stressor-related disorder" is given.

in raikov's case, he has many symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (nightmares, flashbacks, hyperarousal / hypervigilance, and dissociation) due to the abuse he suffered during his early years in the military, but his symptoms are not frequent enough to qualify for a diagnosis of ptsd. they're more intermittent than a repeated and constant presence in his life, only occasionally cropping up when he's reminded of them. hence, his experience falls under unspecified trauma- and stressor-related disorder.

from here on, i'll include the criteria for each disorder and will bold the symptoms i feel raikov meets, at least in my interpretation !

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER

borderline personality disorder is characterised by instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity. patients need to meet five (or more) of the criteria to be diagnosed.

frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealisation and devaluation

identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour

affective instability due to marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

chronic feelings of emptiness

inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

raikov is an incredibly impulsive and angry person, and we can see that ingame. he goes where he wants, when he wants, and his planning is exceptionally short-term. he'll get angry at you for the crime of standing in front of him and physically assault you for it. he's constantly snapping and whining at people. both the soldiers and scientists react to his presence with fear, again hinting at how often he takes his anger out on them.

away from the game, however, and more on my personal interpretation : raikov deals with mood swings HEAVILY. he's incredibly attached to volgin, would quite literally rather die than be without him and fully gives up on life after he "dies", and as such, his opinion of him can turn on a dime under the wrong circumstances. whether that's misinterpreting the colonel's words as personal attacks, or even assuming any negative emotions are because of himself. it doesn't stop at volgin, either ; anyone who misspeaks around him risks incurring his wrath or his devastating sadness, and god knows the consequences aren't pretty.

he also binge eats, something fairly obvious, and he's always having incredibly risky sex, as well as generally having no concept of money or budgeting ( though, does he really have to when his beloved has the philosopher's legacy ? ) he often feels empty, like he's hollow and doesn't mean anything or doesn't hold anything substantial inside him. he often feels torn in regards to his identity, and struggles to comprehend that he doesn't need to be a specific "role", but can be many at once. his excessive dramatics do result in him threatening suicide to his subordinates, or even to his lover if he's feeling exceedingly bad, but they often don't go anywhere, but in the moment, the emotions are completely real and honest for him.

of course, paranoia is somewhat justified in their environment and particularly during the events of mgs3, but raikov finds ways to be paranoid even when he's as secure as a princess in a tower.

HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDER

histrionic personality disorder is characterised by excessive emotionality and attention seeking, with patients needing to have at least five of the eight criteria to be diagnosed.

is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention

interaction with others is often characterised by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behaviour

displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions

consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self

has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail

shows self-dramatisation, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion

is suggestible (i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances)

considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are

raikov ticks basically all of these boxes. he hates not being the centre of attention, be it from his partner or anybody else, but typically tries to mask it behind a mild-mannered persona that doesn't have much of substance to say. he's consistently dramatic and over-the-top, be that in affect or in action, shown by his displays of excessive emotionality whenever he feels personally slighted or angered. these emotions switch in a blink, and he's somewhat mastered the art of snapping between them. oftentimes he doesn't feel these emotions extremely deeply, or even at all ; they're all theatrical and false, used to pull eyes his way.

being an exceptionally beautiful man, he's no stranger to bringing attention to himself by using his appearance. it's something he does very often, whether that's in the bedroom, out of the bedroom, in public, in private... he's constantly on the lookout for the most flattering outfits to show himself off, even if it's at a detriment to his own comfort and identity. he constantly craves to be something, to be novel and interesting. he deeply fears being ordinary, or being forgotten, or like his novelty has worn off, so he's constantly seeking out more ways of drawing attention to himself.

when his interactions with people aren't solely sadistic and rude, or utterly flippant and dismissive, he's very sexually charged, constantly getting up close with others and being flirtatious. if he's not being seductive, he's deliberately trying to provoke and annoy people. his speech often features broad and sweeping statements, and he tends to be unable to pinpoint exacts when he's talking about things. he masks this with the idea that other people just couldn't understand what he's talking about, but it's actually because he focuses more on his own emotionality than the objective truths about a situation. for example, harping on about how rude someone was to him without actually saying anything that they did wrong.

DEPENDENT PERSONALITY DISORDER

dependent personality disorder is characterised by a pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of that leads to submissive and clinging behaviour and fears of separation. patients need to meet five or more of the criteria to be diagnosed.

has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others

needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life

has difficulty expressing disagreement with orders because of fear of loss of support or approval

has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgement or abilities rather than a lack of motivation and energy)

goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant

feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself

urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends

is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself

somewhat of a surprise, this one. raikov is heavily dependent, though he doesn't show it much. he relies heavily on volgin for just about everything, and following his "death", raikov essentially gives up entirely on life. he doesn't fight back, he doesn't do anything, he resigns himself to his fate of rotting away in a cell. when found by big boss' renegade team, he requires an excessive amount of convincing in order to actually join the group, only agreeing when the topic of getting revenge is brought up. even then, he seems almost content to just stay there, perhaps a subtle nod to him finding it difficult to step out of the promise of security.

especially during his late teens, raikov was horribly self-sacrificial, allowing himself to take the brunt of any bullying and never fighting back due to his own cowardice. he prefers to just go along with anything that gives him security, because he doesn't like being left to his own devices. he spent so long under instruction from others - his family, his coaches and teachers, the military - that he truly doesn't know how to govern his own life without someone telling him what to do. it's one of the reasons why he leans so heavily into the benefits he receives from being volgin's lover -- he has everything provided for him, he doesn't need to take care of himself. he deeply appreciates - and in some ways, intentionally invokes - volgin's overprotectiveness and dominance over him for this exact reason. as funny as his little panties with a lightning bolt are for most, he finds them a constant reminder of security.

as a major for GRU, a lot of these traits fly under the radar to most given how domineering and self-assured he often appears to be, but he's often second-guessing his decisions. it just so happens these manifest internally rather than externally.

WHY NOT ASPD?

this is a question i'd imagine some people might be asking. antisocial personality disorder is a personality disorder characterised by a disregard for and violation of the rights of others, including symptoms such as ; deceitfulness, impulsivity, irritability and aggressiveness, reckless disregard for the safety of self and others, lack of remorse, and consistent irresponsibility. on the surface, this sounds a lot like raikov, but i personally don't think it fits.

people often forget that for disorders to be considered disorders, they need to cause at least one of two things : functional impairment and clinical distress. what this means is that if you have symptoms of a disorder but they aren't causing you any distress, or they don't disrupt your life in any way, those symptoms cannot clinically be labelled a disorder. though that doesn't stop people from wrongly diagnosing it, of course.

ivan is one such case of this. he is irritable and aggressive, disregards the feelings and rights of others, lacks remorse, and is consistently irresponsible -- but these aren't things he struggles with. he isn't impaired by them, nor does he find them distressing ; henceforth, he wouldn't meet the criteria for aspd. the disorder also requires evidence of conduct disorder before the age of fifteen, so in my personal backstory for him, he wouldn't meet this criteria either.

one of the differential diagnoses for aspd is this exact thing :

Criminal behaviour not associated with a personality disorder. Antisocial personality disorder must be distinguished from criminal behaviour undertaken for gain that is not accompanied by the personality features characteristic of this disorder. Only when antisocial personality traits are inflexible, maladaptive, and persistent and cause significant functional impairment or subjective distress do they constitute antisocial personality disorder.

which, in my opinion, fits raikov a lot better. he's an asshole who happens to be mentally ill ; his mental illnesses aren't what makes him an asshole. in a similar vein, i believe he would fit histrionic personality disorder over narcissistic personality disorder for a lot of other reasons i could go into (such as hpd requiring attention and npd requiring admiration), but this post is long enough already.

that's all ! thank you for reading this far, if you did :3 !

#THIS WAS SUCH A BIG WRITE but i wanted to do it #pls bear in mind i am a person who deals with these personally and a lot of them are based on my own experiences #so be NICE. or ill cry really hard #g: ¦ ❝ ooc. ❞#g: ¦ ❝ headcanons. ❞

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antigxnee · 2 years

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I posted 13,430 times in 2022

That's 7,329 more posts than 2021!

57 posts created (0%)

13,373 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sundancefemme

@pheygele

@hotvampireadjacent

@ice-block

@antisisyphus

I tagged 3,943 of my posts in 2022

#art - 715 posts

#a - 503 posts

#words - 476 posts

#fashion - 301 posts

#cats - 243 posts

#fav - 229 posts

#save - 157 posts

#people - 141 posts

#queer - 110 posts

#interiors - 99 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i've known people who know i use they/them correct people when they use the wrong pronouns for me without my consent and it's horribly uncom

My Top Posts in 2022:

some chronic illness thoughts

i feel like there's a very specific disillusionment when you're someone who has been very ill for a very long time, and also someone who has frequently been gaslighted by the people who are supposed to help you and thrown back out to the wolves (the wolves being your symptoms).

it makes me think of how ptsd can sometimes cause people to have the belief that they won't have a future, or will have a very short future, but instead of the future as a whole it's your health. it doesn't matter what the doctors say because they're wrong and it doesn't matter that you're healthy now because it'll get worse and no matter what you're always prepared for the worst case scenario. you can't see a future with better health or even see a period of good health stay around for a while because you're always primed for the worst case scenario. people have been wrong before and the only one right is you, and you need to be ready all the time all the time all the time. there's no point in even hoping because it will get ripped away again.

5 notes - Posted July 28, 2022

being able to write just means you get say anything syndrome

5 notes - Posted January 10, 2022

got a work op interview tomorrow besties wish me luck!!!

6 notes - Posted September 12, 2022

my new babygirl. sorry

8 notes - Posted November 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

it's pride month so please consider the following:

commissioning my boyfriend for crochet commissions! as a receiver of his own handiwork (pictured below) i can say it is exceptionally well-made, not to mention cuddly and just the right size for hugs. the link to his insta is below!

11 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #makes you all look at this

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systematic-advice · 3 years

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I'm not a system, but I'm not sure how else to explain this weird experience from my childhood. I'm not asking for a diagnosis, but I would greatly appreciate it if you pointed me in the right direction so I could do my own research.

Back when I was 10-12ish I had this other voice in my head with a personality completely different from my own. He commented on things I was doing throughout the day and we had frequent back and forth conversation. It didn't feel like I was talking to myself, it felt like talking to someone else with a mind of their own. (He was kinda rude to me, honestly...)

Based on my research, this sounds A LOT like an alter. But I don't have alters anymore. One possible explanation is that I managed to reach final fusion before ever learning what OSDD-1/DID were, but that wouldn't explain why my memory still feels like it was put through a paper shredder, and then a bunch of tiny, very vivid 1-second clips (of the weirdest, most random moments) were picked out of the shavings. The rest is a black void. If I'd reached final fusion, I probably wouldn't still have that amnesia.

I know I'm not a system for a variety of reasons. Despite not remembering my childhood, there's nothing that could have logically happened in it that would have been traumatic enough to cause DID/OSDD-1. I don't have PTSD symptoms that I've noticed and I've never had a flashback. Even though I find myself talking to reoccurring characters in my head sometimes, it doesn't feel "real" like it did when I was 10-12ish; they're just daydreams, they respond to fake scenarios I make up instead of my real life. Now that I know what DID/OSDD-1 are, if I tried to make contact with a supposed "alter" I'd just make up a fully-developed character in a split second because I'm so good at creating characters/character dialogue after years of writing. I zone out a lot, but that's just ADHD. I never find evidence that I've actually DONE something during the time I was zoned out. And finally, it makes absolutely no sense that I'd somehow lose contact with my alters and inner world when I had such good communication with them before.

So, it's pretty clear-cut; I don't have OSDD-1 or DID, and I'm not a system.

But still... I'm not sure what else this voice could have been. Are there disorders similar to OSDD-1/DID which could explain what this was? It wasn't an auditory hallucination; I didn't hear it out loud, just in my head. My doctor thinks I might have BPD, but I looked up the symptoms and they didn't fit, so I've already ruled that out. Another therapist thought I had bipolar, but that didn't fit either (She also thought I might have psychosis but I haven't researched that yet)

Maybe I just had an overactive imagination, and all of my current symptoms are caused by a mix of ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder?

Hi there Anon! There's a lot to unpack here.

First let me say that going through this sort of questioning is very normal when you're learning about yourself. I'm glad you're taking the steps to learn about yourself. That said though, I do feel like you have a bit of bad information, so let me see if I can clear some things up. The first thing I'd like to touch on is the reasons you've given for knowing that you're not a System. While I'm not here to tell you that you are, I do need to point out a few things about those reasons.

If you don't remember your childhood, there is nothing to say that you don't have trauma. 'Bad enough' is completely relative to the person experiencing the trauma, so it doesn't have to be something people often describe as 'Big T' trauma. It's also not something you can rule out though. For instance, we didn't know where our System came from until about five years ago. We were just aware that it was here and that we must have experienced some bad things beyond what we remembered. We thought of our family as being a safe space for years before we remembered. I'm not saying for certain that you have a System or very bad trauma, I'm just saying that's a possibility.

We have said many times before that teenagers seem to experience Systemhood and Maladaptive Daydreaming (MADD) much more intensely that adults. This is based off of our own experiences as well as the experiences of our S/O who is also a System. There is also emerging research that suggests a strong tie between these two conditions, so that's something to keep in mind. I certainly think some of the things you're describing could be MADD.

And finally concerning your reasons, it does actually make sense to lose contact with your System. As I have come to understand it, being frontstuck to the point of limited communication can go on for a number of years. I'm given to understand this comes as a result of intense stress, but there can be other reasons. (Followers, I'd love corrections if I have bad information here!)

Now with that out of the way, there are a number of disorders that can cause things like Alters to form and if this singular voice is the only experience you've had with a fully formed Alter there is every possibility that what you were experiencing was some kind of delusion. People on the schizophrenia-spectrum can often experience intense hallucinations or delusions of voices or people around them. We were first diagnosed with Schizo-effective, which we now understand to be comorbid with our System. What I'm saying is they are often mistaken for each other, so it is absolutely a possibility that you're experiencing something else. If you truly believe you're not a System then it's worth noting that disorders on the schizophrenia-spectrum do not HAVE to come from trauma. Researchers are still learning what factors go into this sort of thing.

It's also possible that a lot of the zoning out you're dealing with comes from the ADHD, that's true. Anxiety can also shut people down, but these things are usually tracible. I'd suggest starting a journal both for your daily mood and your daily thoughts. This can help a LOT in figuring out of the zoning out relates to specific moods to tone changes, or if it's happening all the time. It will also help you better understand how you were feeling around those episodes. If it is the ADHD, speaking to a professional and trying ADHD Coping mechanisms is a good place to start.

It sounds like you have done a lot of soul searching on this one, but I do think it would be worth you diving a little farther into some DID literature as well as information on schizophrenia-spectrum disorders. Psychosis is typically described as a symptom, not a diagnosis. So I would look into that with that fact in mind.

I wish you all the best in trying to learn about yourself and what's going on Anon. I hope this is helpful to you and your journey. Thanks for dropping in.

[ID: A banner depicting the Greek letter psi, the symbol commonly associated with therapists, crossed out with a large red circle. The text reads “The Auncles are NOT Psychologists/ Psychiatrists/ Medical Professionals. Our posts are not diagnostic or medical advice!”]

#🦇 :: on leather wings #an agony uncle speaks #they asked #did #osdd #did system #osdd system #actually did #actually plural #anti endo #anti tulpa #system #systems #dissociative identity disorder #otherwise specified dissociative disorder

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the-ghost-king · 4 years

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Schizophrenic Nico, here's why I think it's possible:

I want to start off by saying these are just my thoughts, there is no one way to be schizophrenic or to have schizophrenia. It's also important to note that many of the schizophrenic symptoms overlap with other mental illnesses/nuerodivergences like ADHD, Autism, Depression, and OCD which I know many people who head canon Nico as having. I'm not arguing schizophrenic Nico is more correct, more canon, or more right, but to explain some thoughts on why I think it's possible/very likely he does so I can use this for future reference in various thing.

I am using the term schizophrenia as a catchall for all "types" of schizophrenia, but not for schizoaffective disorder which I would say Nico probably doesn't have.

Children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia. It may also be possible if your mother was sick while pregnant with you, or having a father who was significantly older when he had you.

A stressful life, especially trauma, are more likely to develop schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder. It likely has something to do with excessive dopamine production, but it may also have something to do with the same genes that control the sleep-wake cycle. Schizophrenia is more common with other mental illnesses or with other nuerodivergences or developmental delays.

Common symptoms include:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions

less interest in social activities

Now what does this mean for Nico, and why do I think it's likely he has Schizophrenia?

Let's start with Nico's childhood, "children born in the winter/those who were "sickly" as babies are more likely to develop schizophrenia". Although Rick proposed two birthdays for Nico, the fandom generally accepted the January date more fully. We also know that Nico is described as small when he was younger, smallness is common in children who grow up sickly, but it is also common in children who's mother was ill while pregnant with them. We obviously don't know if Nico was sick as a kid, or if Maria was sick while pregnant with him, but again being born in the winter makes these things more likely, as well as consideration for the time period Nico grew up in and the larger variety of illnesses going around at the time. (He is vaccinated against some things though).

Trauma and Nico... do I really have to go into super detail on this one? He spent his childhood growing up in a fascist country that was extremely racist/anti-Semitic/homophobic/etc, his mom died when he was a child- in front of him, his father intentionally gave him amnesia, his sister died when he was a child, he then proceeded to become homeless living/spending lots of time with Minos who verbally (and possibly physically) abused him, becoming aware of his past memories, becoming aware of the fact that many people hated him because of his father and because they thought he was joining the other side (therefore, he was "bad"), he fought in many battles as a child, fought monsters alone, was often faced with life or death situations, went to Tartarus alone (where the goddess of misery told him he was "perfect"), was trapped in a hostage situation with little/no air for a long time while people debated whether or not to save him, was outed against his will, was freed only to travel again fighting monsters and then win a battle, was eventually made to quest with Apollo despite still having lots of healing to do in ToN. So stressful life? Fuck yeah, that doesn't being to cover it.

Genetic factors, obviously nothing here is confirmed so I'm speculating a little bit again, but the common idea in regards to Hades children through the series is that they are "bad". Mental illnesses have been stigmatized for hundreds, if not thousands of years, and often mentally ill people were made out to be weird/bad/etc. It's more than possible there is some sort of genetic factor taking place, also "having a father who was significantly older when he had you". Although I doubt godly genes work the same as mortal ones (trust me I have lots of thoughts on how god genetics/DNA work, but that's not the point right now), I think Hades being the oldest out of all his brothers and having a reputation for having "questionable" children says something... We have no information on Maria's family history at all.

As for schizophrenia often occurring with other mental illnesses and/or neurodivergences: Nico canonically is implied to have either ADHD and/or Autism, and is canonically stated to have PTSD. I think most people would agree that saying Nico has or has had depression isn't a stretch in the slightest.

So canonically we can all agree Nico has severe trauma and coinciding mental health issues/neurodivergences, so out of 4 possible issues I’ve first presented we guaranteeably have two. If I wanted to stretch this a little I would give myself a half point for him being born in the winter and a half point for the aspect of Hades genetics but I won’t do that.

On top of that schizophrenia usually appears during teenage and young adult years in people who receive diagnosis; most people live with mental illness for a few months or a few years in some cases before they're able to receive a diagnosis. Nico being 15 (16 by the end of ToN/shortly following the end of ToN) is about the age that schizophrenia would start to make an appearance. It's also more likely to be found in men, with men also noticing the appearance of schizophrenia appearing early in their lives, and experiencing more negative symptoms in comparison to the higher commonality of affective symptoms in women. That's a really complicated explanation to basically say there's 3 more things that would make Nico having schizophrenia make more sense.

Alright, let’s go back to the list of symptoms I provided:

Hallucinations

Delusions

Disorganized thinking

lack of motivation

slow movement

change in sleep patterns

poor grooming or hygiene

changes in body language and emotions/behavior

less interest in social activities

Once again, some of these are not solely related to schizophrenia and can be the result of other mental health issues, I’m just going to go down the list and add in some moments from the books in which Nico shows some of these traits/behaviors.

Delusions/Hallucinations (more later)

Our best chances for understanding Nico's thought process is in Blood of Olympus where he has a P.O.V... Sometimes Nico's thoughts do derail, or sometimes they get a little confusing, but not always, and when talking to others he is consistent and aware of what he's saying, as well as blunt. Anything "off" about his thought patterns to me just seems like ADHD..

Dietary changes (whether or not you think he has an eating disorder) are behavioral changes (I personally think Nico has AFRID)

Within House of Hades Nico's poor sleep patterns are constantly referenced, and I'll give him a pass on poor hygiene because he's in the middle of a quest but still..

I have extremely complicated feelings on what Will says here, it's possible Nico is an extremely unreliable narrator (unlikely, it seems many people are bothered by him and only maybe a handful aren't), I've also thought at many points this was Rick trying to backtrack some stuff with Nico because he realized he'd made his story a little too harsh for a kids book, it could also be Will's trauma kicking in and that happening... I'm not counting it as full proof about Nico disliking social interactions, but Nico does try to leave even after this conversation and isn't convinced to stay until the last chapter, so maybe there's something to be said about people's dislike of him for being a Hades kid- but I think it's fair to say Nico also dislikes people at least some because he doesn't have interest in trying to befriend anyone either, and is quick to assume all people dislike him (paranoia/low self esteem/and some other possible stuff). There's lots of discussions to be had about this quote and other similar ones, and I don't think a broad brush approach of "Nico good everyone else bad" is accurate it's more, "Nico is good but he fails to try and you have to work on your own mental health everyone won just go to you, and also people dislike Nico for silly reasons and need to get over themselves and make an effort too". (I'm extremely oversimplifying my thoughts and feelings to keep it brief.)

More on delusions and hallucinations:

Now I want to state that lots of schizophrenia symptoms share a lot of commonalities with ADHD and with depression, so although I might include some moments you think are just ADHD/depression I wouldn’t necessarily disagree with you but they could also be schizophrenia or coexisting mental health issues/divergences. I also went through the DSM-5 for schizophrenia (the DSM-5 is just this big book with lists and it’s how doctors diagnose any mental health issue/divergence), I also looked through the DSM-IV (an older book from before DSM-5 which is no longer really used) and the differences between the diagnosis was fairly minimal but they quit categorizing types of schizophrenia and instead rely more on a couple of word descriptions that seem more in line with a spectrum rather than a checkable box.

In order to receive a schizophrenia diagnosis, two (or more) of the following, each present for a significant portion of time during a 1-month period (or less if successfully treated), and at least one of these symptoms must be (1), (2), or (3):

Delusions

Hallucinations

Disorganized speech (frequent derailment or incoherence)

Grossly disorganized or catatonic behavior

Negative symptoms (i.e., diminished emotional expression or avolition).

It’s important to note that only one of these need to be checked off/true if the patient has voices which narrate their actions/behaviors/thoughts or if the person has more than one voice conversing with each other.

Nico deals with auditory hallucinations (2), he believes the voice belongs to Bob, his titan friend he left in Tartarus:

However this isn’t and immediate diagnosis because Bob’s voice doesn’t talk to another voice(s) in Nico’s head, and we don’t know if Nico has voices running commentary on his behaviors/thoughts.

The reason I state we are unaware if Nico has commentary isn’t because Nico hasn’t said anything, but because many people with schizophrenia before their diagnosis believe the narrative voices are just their thoughts and are a normal internal monologue- usually patients don’t realize anything is wrong until the voices start providing commentary on their actions so instead of “washing the dishes now” the voice(s) might say “wash the dishes now, you’re so lazy you can’t do anything, idiot” during a period of psychosis which may help them acknowledge that the voice(s) isn’t the way most people experience internal voice(s). It is very possible Nico is unaware he is experiencing narrative thoughts and simply assumes that his experience is something most people have, but I won’t use this to argue my point because it’s not confirmation of anything.

Returning now to Bob, Nico knows he is hearing Bob’s voice but he believes Bob is calling to him from Tartarus. Now, Nico says the voices are calling to him from Tartarus but there’s no confirmation of this anywhere… What I think is happening is Nico has a guilty conscience. He feels bad for “using” Bob to get out of Tartarus and various other things, so he feels bad that he is still down there. However, we don’t really know if Bob is calling to him or if Bob is able to do that- what I personally think is happening here is Nico’s brain is convincing Nico that Bob needs him because Nico is upset with himself for not helping Bob more, but also because Nico has never “sat still” before without a quest. Nico has also always felt the want to be needed/important...

It very well could be a delusion.

Schizophrenic patients often experience delusions which make them think they are destined for greatness, or that they have some divine/high force calling out to them for help that only they can provide. It’s an extremely common thing in individuals who experience delusions, and is in fact one of the most common delusions experienced. So although Bob could really be calling out to Nico, I don’t think he is, it doesn’t entirely make sense and there’s lots of little things which point to it being not entirely real- like the fact that nobody else knows about it? Or how absolutely sure Nico is that he need to return to Tartarus? It seems like a mixture of PTSD, delusions, and trauma response (returning to the trauma), working against him. I’ll say delusion is very likely (1).

Using these two factors alone there’s sufficient evidence for diagnosis, but let’s keep going just to see.

For disorganized speech (3) this isn’t something Nico seems to struggle with, and even if he did “derailing” could be ADHD or Autism, so I don’t think this symptom pertains to him.

Changes in behavior (4), seem to all be explainable via depression and/or PTSD- he has begun to express emotion again in Tower of Nero upon learning of Jason’s death he is said to be upset by Will and he walks off to be alone, seems like depression to me. Emotional/Behavior changes from schizophrenia tend to relate more to bipolar disorder rather than a depressive disorder, so I would say if Nico has schizophrenia he probably doesn’t have emotional or behavioral changes from it. If he did he might have some catatonic behavior, but this seems to be clearing up some in Tower of Nero so I’m not super sure on that, maybe during bad periods of psychosis behavioral changes occur, but I would lean more towards this isn’t a symptom Nico personally deals with. Negative symptoms (5) tie into this same idea, it’s possible it’s schizophrenia, but it’s more likely PTSD or depression at work.

So why do I care so much about the possibility of Nico being schizophrenic?

I feel like canonically/fanonically making Nico schizophrenic does a few things, firstly schizophrenic rep in media is extremely extremely awful- can you think off the top of your head of a schizophrenic character who isn't from a horror film/a murder/a villain in their own story? Maybe, but personally I can only think of one which is Charlie from Perks of Being a Wallflower- and even then? That's not canon, it's only implied- and it might not even be true

Schizophrenic media representation always paints schizophrenic people as bad, scary, and evil, and although the horror genre is extremely well known for being super ableist, transphobic, racist, homophobic, and misogynistic (just the final cherry on top) having one of the first- if not the first openly confirmed schizophrenic characters in children's media not only be someone who has lots of character development, and isn't a stereotype, but also be someone people have grown up with, cared for, and sympathized with- would be extremely monumental.

People with schizophrenia and other related disorders aren't something to be scared of or to think of as bad, and often times they're more bothered by whatever they're experiencing than you are.

I don't have schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorder or anything like that, but I have various undiagnosed mental health issues which often lead to me questioning reality, or having to set aside time to convince myself that no there isn't a man living in my wall... Having a character have to question those things, work through those feelings, and learn to trust themselves and care for themselves even with those difficulties would be really great to see in media, not just for people with schizophrenia but also for people with similar/related disorders who might share symptoms see parts of their own struggles in a good, educative way.

I have to finish this in two parts because tumblr keeps breaking because there's too many words in my post lmao (2nd part here)

#nico di angelo #pjo #hoo #toa #percy jackson #will solace #solangelo

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tsundere-selfship · 3 years

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Do you have any fun Blade (or Planes Fire and Rescue) facts to share this fine day? :D I haven't finished going through his tag yet but I dig how passionate you are!!!

Yes!! Finally I can share some fun Piston Peak Gang facts! I know I rambled a bit about the Agusta Westland AW139 in a past post, but here's some other tidbits I've noticed about everybody:

Cabbie seems to have faded Air Force markings painted on him. At one point Dipper mentioned that he had been in the military, so this makes sense, but I never see it talked about.

In the scene where they're in the hangar showing Dusty various episodes of CHoPs (which Dipper mentions there are 139 episodes of, making it the same six seasons as it's this-world counterpart), everyone takes long, synchronized sips every time Blade (in the show) pulls out his hoist. This implies that they were playing a drinking game, making this a regular occurrence.

While they were doing this, we see Blade outside watching the storm. This means he was having trouble falling asleep, and that's probably very frequent for him. :(

On this similar note, I have a pretty strong theory that Maru is the only other person on the Air Attack team who actually understands Blade. It makes sense for the team to not invite Blade to the drinking games (even though it is a dick move on their part because they know he would feel super betrayed should he find out about it), they exclude him from everything else as well. Even when they attend the lodge party, everyone ends up going except him, because Blade wasn't invited.

You could say that they only exclude him because he's the chief and that might be similar to, say, hanging out with your boss, but we know for a fact that Blade isn't the person who manages or even pays them. Cad is. Blade just commands them mission-wise.

My idea started when I noticed this: When Cad comes up to complain about Dusty dropping retardant on those campers, he refers to Blade as his TV persona's name before leaving. This visibly annoys Blade, but he just leaves without saying anything. Dusty, however, is unfamiliar with this, and asks Dipper about it. Dipper tells Dusty to stop talking and not to mention it, but Dipper is known to joke around, so Dusty asks again. This is when we see Windlifter, one who's known as a very serious person, appear startled and shout at Dusty in his native language. I'm unsure exactly what he says, but it's something with great urgency that likely has the same meaning as "stop".

This implies that not only has this name that obviously bothers him been brought up to Blade before, but he's had a bad enough reaction to it that not only has it taught the rest of the team not to do it again, but it scared them. Now we already know from the hangar scene that they don't exactly know why this would bother him so much, as when Dusty asks why Blade is at Piston Peak instead of keeping up his TV career, everyone just brings up their own wild theories, including one of the smokejumpers saying they heard he "went cuckoo on the set". what the hell. Now obviously if he had just researched it enough he probably could've found out about the set's actual incident, so where did he hear this from? Or did he just make it up? Most importantly, why is he believing and/or spreading this rumor?

This implies that the team has seen this kind of "going cuckoo" behavior from Blade before. This was, when you look at the evidence, him giving an actual fucking trauma response from them teasing him. This is why they're so scared to tease him again, he got really upset and likely snapped at them. But when you put into perspective that they don't understand why it's a touchy subject, you realize that they just see Blade as a weirdo. Most PTSD or trauma-related symptoms are seen as negative traits. He shows many many signs of trauma (isolating himself, quick to anger, never does let his guard down, has trouble sleeping, quickly shows aggressive behavior when event is brought up, does everything to avoiding talking or otherwise thinking about the event *even the photo of Nick was covered up*, feeling guilty about the event, the reason he became a firefighter, everything), but Maru is the only one who actually recognizes this. Everyone else just seems to see Blade as an asshole and unstable, hence why they avoid being around him outside of work and think it's okay to talk about him behind his back.

And honestly? Blade sees them as family. If he knew they were saying these things about him, he would. Be devastated, really. Blade's mentioned close friends are Mayday and Maru, two very empathetic and friendly people, so there's no way Blade is unfriendly or just a bad guy. He's really sweet, we see this in the clips of him when he was still acting. If he found out that the people he trusts are meeting up and joking about him he'd be sad. He wouldn't blame them, but he'd be sad.

Like- they obviously teased him about something and he reacted in a way they didn't understand, he probably thought they just understood it was sensitive and left it alone. But in actuality, they didn't respect his privacy at all and just started teasing him when he wasn't there. Blade genuinely does care about his team, they're the only people we see him smile and joke around.

Either they exclude Blade because they see him as too much of an authority figure or they exclude him because they see him as too "distant" or "weird" but either way they care about him more in a work sense then in an actual well-being sense, even when Blade was almost fatally injured the most they really said was "Oh, Windlifter's in charge now!"

And after all he does for them. They're kinda jerks :/

#WOW I typed a lot I'm so sorry #I would put a read more but I'm on mobile #But anyway I hope you like this!!#or even understand it #👑 | does he ever stop talking?#🧯 | when others fly out #asks #true-blue-selfship

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helianthus-hellion · 6 years

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look i'm super fucking pumped that Shiro is a gay, disabled character of color. that's fucking amazing and i'm over the goddamn moon about it. but i feel like a lot of people are skimming over the fact that he was previously terminally/chronically ill because it's magically cured now thanks to the galra! and i have....several issues with that.

first of all, even if he isn't ill anymore, he still was, and being chronically ill is frequently a huge part of someone's identity since it affects everything you do. losing that, regardless of how he felt about it, would have been a massive change that you can't just skip over because "everything's fine now," like...what kinds of coping mechanisms did he have, and how do those affect him now? how many things does he still go out of his way to avoid because they're unnecessary spoons, until someone asks him why and he realizes he hadn't even thought about it? what about medications he was on to manage symptoms, and if any of them have withdrawal issues?

second of all, yes, Shiro is still disabled - he's an amputee. and that's great, amputees totally deserve representation! but he was originally disabled in multiple ways, which isn't uncommon, but is super rare to see in media. and seeing a chronically ill character still succeeding and making the most of the time he has and finding accommodations to still do the things he wants to do in life? that would be incredible for a chronically ill kid to see! hell, that would be incredible for chronically ill adults to see - so often we're only shown chronically ill characters as the ones who stay in bed or in a hospital all day, or who have given up on their dreams to inspire the protagonist - and that's if we see chronically ill characters at all.

third, and the reason i decided to make this post - i have seen multiple discussions of how the Galra "saved" Shiro or how curing his illness was "the one good thing to come from the Galra kidnapping him" (which was actually a stance taken by the cast and creators at SDCC). listen, i'm chronically ill, and i would honestly do a lot of things for a cure. i'm proud of who i am, disability and all, but if there was a way to be able to run and dance again? i would love that! but no, i would not be willing to be imprisoned and tortured by Ridiculously Evil Space Imperialists for it. nuh-uh, no way, no how. and even if Shiro had been willing to make that decision, it wasn't a decision he got to make! he wasn't "saved," he was KIDNAPPED. they only cured him because they wanted to make him fight for them! honestly, hearing anyone tout Shiro's cure as a "good thing the Galra did" or "something good to come from his imprisonment" makes me sick to my stomach. he canonically has PTSD from being imprisoned by the Galra, and he had to live with thinking that Sam and Matt died because of him.

look, i'm not saying i want Shiro to die, but it's not like this was a plot point that absolutely had to occur. they could have kept his illness as a part of his character, or just not written a chronically ill character in the first place if they were only going to use it as a plot device to justify his kidnapping. chronically ill people do exist, and for most of us there is no magic space cure - we live our lives to the best of our ability, and one day we die, just like everybody else. and there was no reason they couldn't have shown Shiro doing the same.

#voltron #vld #shiro #takashi shirogane #vld shiro #catch me out here writing whole essays on chronically ill representation

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