#they’re super friendly and I’ll probably die from this joy one day

[aerospectrum]

sometimes I think about the time I met Jensen Ackles and misha collins the day after herogasm dropped and I was hella nervous and misha greeted me by my nickname and “you came back!” and jensen said “hey man, bring it in buddy” and I got a free hug with a picture. I think I’ve just been living in a ghostly daze since that day. anyway im in my spn brain rot phase again and I can’t explain it. I think im in love lmao. I look like a total doof in the picture but I look at it every so often and feel that same excitement as when it first happened!

[marinetteplztakeabreak]

ML Lies Episode Predictions:

There’s Two?? (don’t trust my math) more days before lies completely destroys me, so I’m going to make some predictions, and by predictions I mean wishlist. My walls are already up, so if none of these happen I won’t be disappointed, but also a girl can dream: (this is somehow 1700 entire words long because I have a lot of feelings, so it’s under a cut, you’re welcome)

—Adrien and Kagami’s are secretly dating: please I want it so bad, I’ve talked about this so much and emotionally I need it!! At the very least I want them to sneak out together so so bad I’d cry. But also, if they’re hiding it from their other friends for whatever reason, thats SUCH good angst potential.

—If we get to see some kinda montage of them sneaking out??? Id ride that high for months. Even just one actual example of them working together to sneak out would obliterate me. Like, how it shows Kagami sneaking out to go to the game in Ikari Gozen?? I’d cry

—The breakup happens as a direct result of it being a secret relationship: this would be SUCH a good parallel to lukanette. Lukanette broke up because Luka wanted Marinette to be more open with him and he hated being in the dark, so just, the parallels if Adrien wants to be more open about adrimi and Kagami is like “you dont understand, if your dad finds out about us he will end this immediately” but Adrien wants to believe that its going to be okay and no one will react badly? I’m probably explaining this badly and I’ll try to explain it better later I just,,, want parallels and opposites and truth v lies and hhhhh

—Fencing??? Friendly/ affectionate competition??? Them being idiot jocks in love??? Please??? I want to see them compete!!

—I’d love to see Kagami character growth + Adrimi relationship development!!! I want her to love herself more and be more comfortable around him!!!

—Specifically, if there was a parallel to Riposte,, and Adrien beat Kagami in a fencing match and Kagami was like “Oh nice!! :D good game!” I’d be so happy I’d cry!! And it’s kinda implied by Chat Blanc that they’re already there in there relationship?? But not confirmed?? So if I saw it or saw confirmation of it I’d cry!!

—in one of the released photos it looked like they were holding hands??? And at this point my expectations are so low I don’t even trust it yet but blease,,, let them hold hands,, i’d cry of joy

—If Adrien is also constantly leaving and disappearing due to akuma responsibilities, I want it to read SUPER differently from the Lukanette because I love parallels/foils!! Marinette disappears on her dates with Luka and its just “oh marinette is really distracted and busy and frazzled” but I dont think Adrimi but be loke that at all!!! Because as far as Kagami knows, she has the same backstory/current story as Adrien. She’s risking a lot by sneaking out to go on dates with him?? So Adrien seeing an akuma and being like “oh sorry father is calling” isnt even suspicious or anything??? Its 100% believable!!! If her mother called she’d immediately be like “oh fricking heck i Need To Leave this instant immediately.” So its less “Adrien doesnt care about her” and more of just twisting the knife and reminding her that life doesnt want them to be together and Adrien is never going to be free!!! Big ouch to her heart!!!

—also I want!!!! Them!!! To talk about their feelings!!! Because parallels to truth!!! Adrien is like “sorry I have to go” and Kagami is like “oh I hate that so much” and Adrien is like “big same.” (Also idk how realistic this is but I’d love it if ‘Kagami talking about her feelings’ wasn’t the cause of strife in their relationship!! Like, she talks about how she feels and when she’s upset and Adrien is like “yeah me too” and they’re just,, good bros)

—I need them to stay friends after the breakup, i need it i need it i need it!!! And the whole issue is!! I feel like the main reason they’d date is to try and hang out more?!?? So if the breakup was actually them talking to each other and being like “hey so this isnt working with sneaking out, we’re going to need to go back to the way it was before,” rather than them saying they were bad for each other???? Hoo boy i’d lose my mind

—Also!!! My favorite prediction, I’d die of joy if this happened (and also of angst). I want there to be so much drama with “secret relatinship” stuff that they try to fix it by going public with their relationship!! Very low chance of this actually happening but its okay if it doesnt, thats what the fanfiction I’m inevitably going to write immediately after watching the episode is for!!! But anyway,, multiple ways this could happen.

Maybe they’ve been secretly dating since Miracle Queen and they decide to go public at the beginning of this episode and that’s the primary source of plot/conflcit!!! I’d be thrilled!!!

BUT!!! if the episode ends with then Not Breaking Up, but instead deciding to go from dating secretly to dating publicly???? Holy Freaking Heck,,, I’d go feral with emotion!!!! I also need to expand on this so much more but basic rundown of how I imagine it could happen (again: Is it likely?? Probably not! but this is my last chance to dream):

Kagami is like “listen we have the same backstory and I KNOW in my soul that this relationship wouldn’t work if it was public”

Adrien is like “okay yeah I feel you, thats fair”

Kagami goes on dates with Adrien and its fun and nice and lovely and the honeymoon phase is so good and exciting

Adrien starts disappearing a lot, partly because of akuma attacks, but partly because of nathalie and gabe calling him constantly

Adrien starts to be like “well actually i think that my dad does care about me probably? And if he knew why I wanted to go he’d let me! Or at least Nathalie would because clearly she cares about me!”

Kagami is like “hhhnngg have you met them?? You think they’d want you to be happy and free??” Except she can’t just SAY that because if she did then she’d be crushing Adrien’s entire heart and possibly also making him get really defensive and he has to come to the conclusion that his parents are good on his own

Kagami also starts to get frustrated with how much more often Adrien has to leave than she does?? And its because of akuma attacks but she doesnt know that and he cant tell her

Adrien starts to get frustrated because he can take the “having to leave for akuma attacks” part but when he finally finishes an akuma battle and Natalie immediately calls him it is just aaaaaAAAAAAAA and he just wants to believe so badly that he could at least take control of that part??? He could at least get Nathalie to help him out??? Probably maybe right???

Because we all know he HATES having to keep secrets from Ladybug, but he’ll do it for her, and he’ll keep his life as Chat a secret, but Kagami??? He should at least be able to talk about that, right?? He’s not doing anything bad/dangerous/etc

Also there could very well be some angst with Adrien being so so worried about Nathalie because she’s bedridden and his dad is being sketchy and he’s SEEN this before and he doesn’t want to be avoiding Natalie or lying to her because what if he loses her too??? He’d feel so guilty! And he needs the support of a parent figure so much,,, so he HAS to tell her the truth

But he respects Kagami’s wishes and he’s not going to betray her trust

But unlike Lukanette, they DO talk about their feelings and they disagree and stuff, and even if he’s trying not to be confrontational, Kagami is like “i can tell youre uncomfortable about something, please just tell me what it is” so he tells her that he disagrees

Kagami gets akumatized?? idk if it’s even been confirmed that she’s the akuma “Lies” but I’d assume she is because parallels to Lukanette

Maybe it happens as a direct result of some moment where Kagami and Adrien are arguing and in the heat of the moment he says something hurtful??

Maybe they’re arguing and then Adrien has to leave before it can resolve and Kagami is mad about it even though shes trying not to be and she gets akumatized???

Maybe she does say something like “bc your dad sucks and nathalie sucks!” and he yells or something (i want to see Adrien yell and be flawed let me live, and this is one of the most likely scenerios for it to happen bc it would HURT for him)

Maybe Kagami shoots back with anger, maybe Adrien’s been calm but Kagami gets mean for a moment, but regardless, Kagami says something about her true feelings of anger at nathalie/gabe/ etc and before Adrien can respond he’s like “oh shoot sorry I need to get home NOW”

Then for one brief second Kagami’s TERRIFIED that he’s going to tell nathalie about this in his anger and then nathalie’s going to be like “oh kagami is clearly bad for you because she made u this upset” and Adrien will LISTEN because hes stupid and he still listens to his horrible adult figures and Kagami is so mad about the entire situation so then in her moment of weakness she gets akumatized

Look at that its a direct opposite of Lukanette because Luka was afraid of Marinette keeping secrets about why she’s always vanishing because he doesnt know and Kagami is afraid of Adrien telling secrets about why HEs always vanishing bc she thinks she does know,,

But anyway, after she gets de-akumatized, she’s so ashamed of it and she can see how far she took it and how many people it hurt,, and Adrien is really sad and apologetic and trying to support her,, and she’s like “no clearly I was actually wrong, keeping this a secret is hurting you and its hurting me and now its hurting random civilians”

So she tells Adrien that they should tell people about it and stop dating in secret

And then multiple possible ending:

Does he say “actually no, youre right, they wouldnt let this happen, so if we cant date in public and dating in secret is hurting us then we shouldnt date at all” and thats how the breakup goes??? That would literally obliterate me

Does the episode end on a false positive where Adrien hasnt told them yet and he is like “yeah this is gonna be great” and there isnt an actual breakup yet?? Because that would also kill me (even though i doubt theyre going to let adrimi take up that much time in the show but, let me dream)

Also if Adrien is like “we shouldnt tell my parents but we should tell someone” and then they tell Marinette and now shes got ANOTHER secret to keep and aaaaaaaAAAAA?? Id die on the spot

I’m still holding out hope that the episode will give me enough crumbs to at least be able to write this better, but regardless of what happens in the episode,,, the chances of me eventually writing fanfiction exploring this are SO HIGH, I’ve been thinking about this for ages

In conclusion:

—no matter what happens in lies, its going to destroy me

—please let them be in a secret relationship it makes so much sense for their characters and for the drama and aaaaAAAAA

—also please give me the parallels to lukanette where their issues are exactly the opposite and it still falls apart

Thank you for your time, I’ll be excitedly vibrating at the speed of sound for the next two days until we get answers!! Depending on how the episode goes, I’ll either be writing so much adrimi fluff to recover,, so much adrimi angst to vent,, or I’ll be staring at the ceiling screaming for a few days as I post nothing but keysmashes and try to sort through my emotions :)

[fatesdeepdive]

Entry 8: Rinkah’s Burning Loins

My Castle

After fully dedicating ourselves to Hoshido, the game finally really begins. We’re given access to a customizable castle in the Astral Plane where our army waits between battles. We can talk to our units, giving them minor stat boosts or new weapons. Right off the bat, we have a farm and spring to give us resources, rooms for Corrin and Lilith, and a Hall of Records.

In Lilith’s spring, we can feed her to make her level up. Different foods affect her stats in different ways. Note that, although Lilith now has stats, she isn’t usable in battle. Other players can invade our Castle through spotpass, which I’ll discuss in a later entry, and Lilith is only usable in those battles.

Lilith

Lilith is a weird squirrel dragon thing that floats around clutching a random ball. She used to be our stable girl and is now our pet. I think she has a crush on Corrin. Her design is unique and cute, I like it. Gameplay wise, she can only use a modified Physic staff. I don’t dislike her personality, but she feels like a throwaway character added at the last minute. She raises a ton of questions that I doubt will ever be answered.

In the Hall of Records, we can see descriptions of all the units we’ll ever recruit, rewatch cutscenes, read unreadable poems, and play around with a relationship tester. The relationship tester is randomized, by the way, which kinda makes it pointless. That said, it told me that Corrin expects betrayal from Rinkah, while Rinkah’s loins are set afire by Corrin. This is now canon, I have decided.

In Corrin’s room, we can change their hairstyle and invite an ally over to chill. I chose Kaze. He complimented Corrin’s piano skills, which she apparently has, then stared at us, blushing, while thanking us for saving him from Garon.

So, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. In the Japanese version you get to rub units while in close up mode. Like Pokemon Amie except...with people. This was removed in the English version. A lot of Fire Emblem fans were pissed, crying about censorship because Nintendo of America had the gall to remove the minigame where you rub Camila’s tiddies while she moans. And I’m going to say a hot take right now: they made the right call. That stuff was weird and indulgent. It was the living embodiment of the fanservice focussed design that plagues modern Fire Emblem games. Good riddance.

Inviting allies to Corrin’s cool sex treehouse boosts our support levels. I suppose it's time I mentioned that. In Fire Emblem games, units form bonds from fighting next to each other, unlocking short conversations that flesh them out as characters. Units also fight together better when they have high supports. Now, here’s the fun thing about supports:

There are more than 600 supports in this game. Not support conversations, support lines, each of which is made up of three or four conversations. And, because God has cursed me for my hubris and my work is never finished, I’m going to read all of them.

Admittedly, I’m not going to unlock all of them. S-Rank conversations result in marriages and each unit only gets one. It’d take a few dozen playthroughs to get all of Corrin’s S-Rank conversations and I don’t hate myself that much, so I’m reading the transcripts from the wiki. I think I’m going to do four supports per Entry; that’ll leave me with a few extra by the time we reach the end, but I’ll just do a support grab bag entry or something.

Before we do supports, let’s finish up improving the castle. I built a weapon shop and a statue of Corrin that boosts her max speed. We are limited on the number of buildings we can build, but that isn’t a big deal yet because the only other option was to build a stave shop.

Support: Corrin/Rinkah

C: Corrin attempts to discuss battle tactics with Rinkah, but Rinkah blows her off and tells her to stop trying to be friends. Rinkah does acknowledge that Corrin’s authority and that Corrin saved her life, but tells the princess leave her alone.

B: Corrin pesters Rinkah until she explains why she’s so aloof. Rinkah explains that, the Flame Tribe keeps a great flame burning in the center of the village to honor the God of Fire. In the past, outsiders have extinguished the fire. One such instance was followed by a volcanic eruption that decimated the tribe. As a rule, the people of the Flame Tribe are wary of outsiders. Rinkah also explains that she’s working for Hoshido because her father commanded her to, much to her chagrin.

A: Rinkah explains that she would have preferred to die an honorable warrior’s death than be captured and resents Corrin for sparing her. Corrin says that she’s glad Rinkah is still alive, because it means Rinkah and her can be friends. Corrin also says that, despite the chaos of war, she believes in fate and its ability to bring people together. Corrin encourages Rinkah to use this opportunity to learn more about the outside world and bring that knowledge home with her. Rinkah begrudgingly agrees.

This is how the conversation will end on my playthrough, but if Corrin has a penis, you can get an S-Rank proposal conversation. I’ll be listing all of these off along with the normal conversations.

S: Rinkah comes to Corrin, blushing, and tells him that he has been a constant reminder of her shame and regret over being captured. But, over time, these feelings were replaced with love. Love that she hated, because Corrin is an outsider. Corrin says that he’s loved Rinkah since the day they met and only told her to be friendly to other people as an excuse to spend time with her. Rinkah states that, from now on, she will remember her capture as the happiest day of her life and the two get married.

Review: I really like this support line. It expands Rinkah’s backstory and culture, ties it into Corrin’s own isolation and belief in fate, and deals with the tumultuous meeting they had in Chapter 2. The confession comes out of nowhere, admittedly, but I do like Rinkah grappling with her mixed feelings of hate and love. Solid support.

Support: Corrin/Jakob

C: Corrin comes to Jakob to ask for a favor. Jakob interrupts her by humorously listing off the things he would do for Corrin. Things like slay dragons for her, which is actually kinda offensive now that I think about it. Corrin begs Jakob to allow her to be independent and Jakob refuses. Corrin explains that she’s his boss and he tells her that servitude is his reason for living. Jakob explains that, when he started working for Corrin, he was incompetent, and her kindness towards him made him indebted to her. The two compromise on the agreement that Jakob will teach Corrin how to make tea. After Corrin leaves, Jakob mumbles to himself that things might get apocalyptic.

B: Corrin repeatedly tries and fails to make a decent cup of tea. Both of them get some funny lines in, with Corrin telling Jakob that she can’t hear him because she’s ignoring him and Jakob saying that, saying that they’ll run out of leaves before Corrin makes decent tea. They meaning the nation in this case. Corrin eventually makes a passable cup, after Jakob secretly adds in sugar.

A: Jakob admits to Corrin that he messed with her tea and she laughs it off, admitting that she knew all along. She apologizes for being stubborn and accepts that she still needs Jakob’s help sometimes. Jakob says that he falls apart without Corrin. Corrin says that the two of them are alike in that way and Jakob literally faints from joy.

S: Jakob is acting more distant than normal. When Corrin asks him about this, he admits that he’s fallen for her and resigns from his duties as butler, because it is improper for him to have feelings for his mistress. Corrin begs him to say because she needs him and admits that she loves him too. The two of them get embarrassed and Corrin fires Jakob, giving him the new job of husband.

Review: This was a hilarious support that really made me appreciate Jakob’s snarky yet loyal personality. He is the perfect butler. The conflict of Corrin wanting to be independent and Jakob wanting to take care of her is a good dynamic that made me appreciate the relationship between these two characters. I do like them more as a platonic couple than a romantic one, but Jakob quitting his job because falling in love with Corrin is improper is a nice character moment.

Support: Corrin/Kaze

C: A villager gives Kaze a bunch of radishes because he’s super hot. And I mean, he is. Kaze apparently doesn’t realize that he’s hot until Corrin explains it to him. Kaze mentions that he dislikes the attention because he isn’t a good person before running off.

B: Corrin asks Kaze to follow her around so she can figure out what’s bothering him. Kaze says no, so Corrin annoys him until he agrees to hang out with him. Then he runs away again.

A: Kaze admits to Corrin that it was his fault that Garon kidnapped her, because when he was a child, he noticed the Nohrian soldiers that killed Sumeragi were in the city but said nothing about it. I don’t know how that makes Corrin’s kidnapping his fault, you’d expect there to be soldiers guarding a king. And the fact that Kaze was there means that there were also Hoshido soldiers, which means there was no reason to be suspicious of the Nohrians. Also, Kaze was a teenager at the oldest, so he should probably get some leeway. Whatever. Kaze apologizes to Corrin and Corrin, in turn, apologizes for making him live with guilt for fifteen years. Corrin also points out that Kaze led her home, meaning that they’re even now. Kaze compares Corrin to Mikoto because of her kindness and pledges to serve Corrin as her loyal retainer.

S: Corrin and Kaze joke around about Corrin’s kidnapping. It’s cute. Corrin mentions that, now that she’s spent so much time offscreen with Kaze, she likes him even more. Kaze blurts out that he loves Corrin, despite being her bodyguard, and the two propose.

Review: I found this chain a bit lacking, to be honest. The first two conversations were filler and the origin for Kaze’s guilt complex is kinda dumb. Kaze’s relationship with Corrin defines him as a character. He is so guilt ridden over her kidnapping that he would betray his country and his family to protect her. Later parts of the game hinge on this relationship. But, three of their four conversations are dull. I do like Kaze’s guilt complex as a concept, and think becoming Corrin’s retainer alongside Jakob and/or Felicia and a way to repent, but it isn’t enough to save this support line.

Support: Kaze/Rinkah

C: Kaze gets a bunch of candy for being hot and shares it with Rinkah, who secretly loves candy.

B: Kaze continues to give Rinkah candy.

A: Kaze continues to give Rinkah candy.

S: Kaze reveals that he’s been giving Rinkah candy because he’s in love with her.

Review: This one was a big let down. The fact that Kaze and Rinkah are introduced together made me think it would be about their capture, but no. It’s just Kaze giving Rinkah candy for four conversations straight. And it’s cute fluff, but it’s nothing more than that. There is something interesting below the surface with Rinkah hiding her love of candy to protect her image, but it’s never really explored.

So, off to a mixed start with the support conversations.

Birthright Chapter 7: A Vow Upheld

Team Corrin heads to a Hoshidan fort where Sakura is tending to wounded soldiers. We are introduced to Sakura’s retainers, Subaki and Hana. Suddenly, the fort is attacked by Nohrian forces. Corrin and Azura point out the ridiculousness of them attacking immediately after they arrived. Sakura freaks out because the fort is being used as a hospital and has no military value. So apparently Nohr is now being evil just to be evil.

Subaki and Hana agree to help Corrin defend the fort and argue over who’s more important to Sakura, much to her annoyance. Subaki and Hana give me a good opportunity to discuss a few interesting things about classes in this game. First off, unlike in most Fire Emblem games, classes are NOT gender-specific, as demonstrated by Subaki being the first male Pegasus Knight in the series. Secondly, the classic Fire Emblem classes were divided between the two nations. Nohr got Mercenaries, Hoshido got Myrmidons. Nohr got Wyvern Riders, Hoshido got Pegasus Knights. Etc. I really like this, it gives the two countries different feels in combat both aesthetically and mechanically. Finally, a lot of Hoshidan classes were renamed to be more Eastern, shown by Hana being a Samurai instead of a Myrmidon, or by Sakura being a Shrine Maiden instead of a Cleric.

Subaki

Subaki is a Sky Knight, this game’s equivalent of a Pegasus Knight. He can fly over terrain and has good speed and resistance, but is decimated by arrows. His personal skill buffs his hit and avoid when he has full health. Design wise, I like how ridiculously smug he looks. Personality wise, he seems over-competitive yet fiercely loyal to Sakura.

Hana

Hana is a Samurai with high speed and skill. Her personal skill damaged nearby enemies when she scores a kill. Her design is fine, if a little bland. Personality wise, she seems over-competitive yet fiercely loyal to Sakura.

Starting with this chapter, we have a prep menu, where we can choose which units to use and rearrange them on the map. We can bring our whole team in with us, so it’s a little pointless, but it's nice. Worth noting that you can have units start in pair up via this menu, unlike in Awakening where you had to pair them up after the battle started.

At the start of the battle, the chapter’s boss, a Cavalier named Silas, shouts out to Corrin that he’s her childhood best friend. She does not remember him even slightly. Okie dokie.

This map is decent. It’s a bit short, but it features a lot of good bottlenecks. The Dragon Veins can be used to open heal tiles, which is a bit pointless because you have two healers. When Silas and Corrin fight, he reiterates that they used to be friends. Corrin says that she can’t remember her past. And that confuses me, because I was under the impression that she got amnesia when she was taken to Nohr, which would have been before she met Silas. Unless he’s lying.

After the battle, Corrin refuses to kill Silas. She interrogates him about why he was so hesitant to attack them and he explains that, when they were children, he helped Corrin sneak out of the walls to have a picnic. The guards tried to execute Silas for this, but Corrin stopped them, because apparently guards listen to small children. Because of this, Silas feels he owes a debt to Corrin.

Question. Why was this random child allowed to play with the super secret hostage princess? Whatever.

Corrin eventually recovers a vague memory of Silas and asks him to join the gang. She explains that Garon is crazy and evil and that’s enough to make him swap sides. Silas is now officially the most sane character in the game. I mean, he should have probably realized this stuff before being sent to destroy a hospital for shits and giggles, but still.

Also, Silas mentions that Corrin’s favorite food is surf and turf. Perhaps this symbolizes how Corrin is stuck between both kingdoms? Or maybe it’s a random throwaway line. You be the judge!

At the end of the chapter, Saizo and a new character named Orochi show up, wounded, and report that Takumi and Ryoma have gone missing. Uh oh.

Team Corrin decide to help search for the missing princes. Sakura decides to come along, despite Corrin and Kaze’s objections. Silas also decides to come along and Saizo points out that he totally could be a spy or traitor. He’s a dick, but he is infinitely smarter than Kaze.

[foxy--stoat]

music

for the last few days I’ve been listening to a lot of music while I write, and I came across some songs I think describe some Penumbra characters pretty well, or at least some situations they’re in or would be in at some point. also some of them are going to be super obvious but I’m going to write them anyway. here they are:

Moonage Daydream, by David Bowie (Peter Nureyev) 

I'm an alligator I'm a mama-papa comin' for you I'm the space invader I'll be a rock 'n' rollin' bitch for you

(Nureyev is good at using different disguises and he’s a different person before and after and before and with Juno)

Keep your mouth shut You're squawking like a pink monkey bird And I'm bustin' up my brains for the words

(In his episodes of season 3, he gets annoyed with Juno not being discreet, flirting, making a show of himself, and saying anything at all to Nova Zolatovna (apologies for any misspellings))

Keep your 'lectric eye on me, babe Put your ray gun to my head Press your space face close to mine, love Freak out in a moonage daydream, oh yeah!

(well Juno literally has an electric eye, always carries a ray gun, and I imagine they ‘put their faces close together’ quite often.)

and the whole song also has kind of a Peter Nureyev vibe. I imagine he would listen to a lot of David Bowie/stuff like that but be embarrassed to tell anyone that he even listens to music at all

Be Calm, by Fun. (Vespa Ilkay)

But I always knew you'd be the one to understand me I guess that's why it took so long To get things right

(they obviously understand each other to an extent, and also they didn’t see each other for years and years, and the first time they actually met Buddy stole from Vespa and they fought)

Oh, why haven't you been there for me? Can't you see? I'm losing my mind this time This time, I think it's for real, I can see

(she is literally losing her mind, and in her episodes of season 3, Buddy is gone)

I'm scared that everyone is out to get me.

(exactly what it sounds like. especially Juno)

But with every single buck I've made I'm saddled with bad luck that came

(also exactly what it sounds like)

Or when I found out one day I'm gonna die If only I could find my people or my place in life

(idk, it just sounds like something Vespa would think)

Oh be calm. Be calm. I know you feel like you are breaking down. I know that it gets so hard sometimes, Be calm. Take it from me, I've been there a thousand times. You hate your pulse because it thinks you're still alive And everything's wrong It just gets so hard sometimes Be calm.

(I just imagine she would feel this way sometimes)

I don't remember much that night, Just walking, thinking fondly of you Thinking how the worst is yet to come From that street corner came a song And I can't remember the man, The panhandler or his melody. The words exchanged had far exceeded any change I'd given thee.

(this reminds me of her first interaction with Buddy)

Don’t Ask Me, by Ok Go (First half Peter Nureyev to Juno, second half Juno Steel to Nureyev)

Peter Nureyev:

Quit acting so friendly. Don't nod don't laugh all nicely.

(when Juno flirts with Nova at the heist where they steal the map)

And don't flash that stupid smile.

(he stares at Juno’s smile for like 2 minutes and describes it for what seems like longer)

Don't show up so on-time And don't act like you're so kind Don't ask me how I've been.

(Juno changed a lot since the 1st and 3rd seasons, and he’s been I think more polite to Nureyev, and I think no matter what he does Nureyev will be annoyed, but this annoys him especially for some reason)

Juno Steel: 

Don't sit there and play just So frank, so straight, so candid, So thoughtful, so gracious, So sound, so even-handed.

(all of these words could describe Nureyev, cold and pretending to be an ideal thief, an ideal family member, always listening, but really just tucking things in his “save for later” file)

Don't be so damn benign And don't waste my fucking time.

(he’s also benign)

Also I have a couple of BTVS inspired songs bc why not? one isn’t really a song, just a singer who the voice sounds like someone else, but whatever.

Heavy Cross, by Gossip (Buffy Summers)

It's a cruel, cruel world to face on your own A heavy cross to carry along The lights are on but everyone's gone And it's cruel

(the slayer is a very isolating job. It’s a burden, and she literally has to carry a cross with her. Also vampires don’t come out when the ‘lights are on’, and of course it’s cruel. her job is fighting demons.)

It's a funny way to make ends meet When the lights are out on every street It feels alright but never complete Without joy

(it is a very unique way to ‘make ends meet’, or at least a weird job to have. the vampires come out when ‘the lights are out on every street’ and it feels alright but she can’t be fully happy knowing that she’ll probably die young and will never have the ability to choose her future)

I checked you, if it's already been done Undo it It takes two, it's up to me and you To prove it

(this makes me think of her and angel, of her checking that he’s good, then undoing his spell, and it took two people to do it, if you know what I mean.)

On the rainy nights even the coldest days You're moments ago but seconds away The principle of nature, it's true but It's a cruel world

(demons don’t stop being evil when it’s rainy and cold! Sometimes when she’s fighting she punches/kicks where they were moments ago, but she punches too early and they are just seconds away. the principle of nature is that the slayer kills demons)

We can play it safe or play it cool Follow the leader or make up all the rules Whatever you want, the choice is yours So choose (this is her deciding to go on her own, no council, no official watcher, just her and Giles and the “scooby gang”)

I checked you if it's already been done Undo it It takes two and it's up to me and you To prove it

(I’m repeating this line because Spike also got himself a soul. They thought that Angel was the only one, but Spike always had to do everything angel did (even if it wasn’t for that reason)

so that’s it! whoo, that was a lot. 

[acrobaticcatfeline]

Of Books, Brothers, and Broadway (Creativitwins College AU) Chapter Two!!!

Word Count: 3814

TW: Remus, Janus, ocean creatures, I.E. octopus, swearing, I think thats it?

Pairings: pining logince and dukeceit right now, mentioned established moxiety.

Notes: This is pages 4-11 of a current 24. I can like, literally not stop writing this it is a stream of consciousness and I haven’t felt this productive or creative in such a long time. We meet the other 5 in this finally! At this point with 24 pages I think the title should be Of Books, Brothers, Broadway, and Boys. So there’s a little hint. Listen I’m just desperate for soft.

Summary: Roman and Remus are trying to write a musical all while juggling their college courses and jobs. Remus and Roman both inadvertently end up introducing their friend group to their brother and two are pining hard for their brothers best friend. Meanwhile, Remus talks to his boss and gets some news that makes his day.

“Hiya Roman!!! Hey wait up a sec!”

Roman was walking through campus when he heard Patton trying to grab his attention over his headphones. He pulled the headset off his head and turned towards the energetic friend who was racing to catch him.

“Howdy Popstar! I missed you last period, where were you?”

Patton panted softly as he tried to catch his breath. He finally smiled up at Roman.

“Oh yeah, my boyfriend is at home sick and I lost track of time. I didn’t even think about it until his phone alarm went off for his online class, what did I miss?”

“Oh nothing much, another duet skit, lucky for you, you got paired with me!”

“Oh boy, what skit?”

“I’ll give you the packet when we get to class, but it's from midsummer nights”

“Ohhhh I love that play!!!”

Roman was just about to bring up the musical he and Remus had started, being called the magicians notebook, when JJ walked up. He gave a casual peace sign and Patton waved.

“What's up with our favorite preps today?”

“Well actually I was just about to tell Patton about this musical-”

Jay decided to jump in front of them, now walking backwards as he stared at Roman with barely restrained joy.

“Musical you say? What’s it called? Who made it? Do I know about it?”

Roman chuckled.

“It's actually one me and my brother are making”

“YOU'RE MAKING A MUSICAL!?”

Roman couldn't hold back the loud laughter at JJ’s response, he doubled over laughing, still smiling widely as JJ was bouncing on his heels and Patton stared at him in awe.

“Wow, you and your brother are making a musical?”

“Roman I don't think I have to explain to you just how mother fucking rad that is, I think you know that already, but whats it about? Do you have any songs yet? Do you have a name yet? Who's your brother? I have so many questions Roman I can't believe I wasn't the first person you told!!!”

“You were you dork! You and Patton are currently the only ones who know about it!”

“I need answers Roman!”

“Salutations Remus. I presume you got your portion of the assignment done… 2 minutes ago?”

Remus rushed to his seat as their professor started class. He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed nervously.

“Am I that obvious Shakespeare?”

Logan stared at him emotionlessly. He looked him over then leaned his head on his hand.

“You are barely on time, cluing me in that you were preoccupied with something and lost track of time, your bag is still open, likely due to you shoving your laptop in it hurriedly without double checking the zipper, and of course, you looked sheepish as you sped in, hinting that you were doing something you weren't supposed to be doing slash doing something you were supposed to have done earlier last minute, instead of proud like you do when you were wasting your time on something you felt justified in taking your time on”

Remus shrunk. Logan could always read him like an open book, though it was his fault for befriending the psychology major he supposes. He felt ready to be completely humiliated as Logan smirked and pulled up his phone.

“And of course, the text I got from you an hour ago warning me that you might run late because of the assignment was a nice bonus”

Remus felt his cheeks redden as he remembered messaging him. He probably shouldn't be so surprised and attacked and yet he turned his face towards their professor with a huff as he pulled out his notebook and textbook. He was startled out of his thoughts as he heard the hall door open suddenly. He turned towards the noise and snickered as he saw Virgil clambering towards them as quietly as possible.

“Mr. Storm I would appreciate that if you are late to class you attempt to cause less of a distraction to the rest of your peers”

“Y-yes sir, I’ll keep that in mind”

Remus had to cover his mouth as Virgil squeezed past them and took the spot on the other side of him. He gave him a quick look and went back to the text. A small piece of paper slipped in front of him as Virgil unpacked that asked if he had missed anything. Remus shook his head idly. The three kept quiet until the teacher released them. As they packed up, Logan started a conversation.

“What made you late Virge?”

“Huh? Oh, I'm not feeling great, I woke up feeling like shit. I was originally going to just stay home sick, but I remembered our project so here I am I guess”

“Oh, Vee, you could've texted us, you didn't have to come if you were dying”

“Meh, I spent too much on this class to miss it. Especially since it's one of my prereqs. I’ll survive”

“Well I guess if you're gonna be here we might as well take advantage of it. I don't have any more classes today, you guys want to get some writing done?”

“I suppose that would be amenable”

“Sure, but I need some caffeine first, haven't had any at all today”

“Good god how were you able to drive here?”

“I can function without coffee if I get enough sleep. I also am simply not addicted”

“Well that is ridiculous, you must not be human. But I could go for a soda right now. Want me to take orders and meet you guys at the library?”

“Lit. you know what I want”

“Oh my god, somebody needs to take your flashcards”

“If you like having 5 fingers on each hand I would recommend you not do that”

Remus was getting annoyed with his brother. He was quietly ranting on the phone at him in the study room he had booked with Logan and Virgil.

“Roman, I literally could not give a shit if you told your friends about the musical idea, I was gonna tell mine as well. … so fucking what if its my final? None of your friends are in any of my courses, I'm not scared they're gonna plagiarize me, you trust them, I'm sure that you have half a decent taste in friends. … Listen, I can't deal with all of you right now, I have a collaborative story I'm supposed to be working on, we can deal with this when I get home. Just like, have a glass of your shitty wine and maybe you'll calm down. I gotta go, i’ll see you later”

Logan smirked at him as he hung up. He did the lean again and god Remus could throw him into the wall.

“What's this about a musical I hear? I didn't take you for a song and dance guy”

Remus sighed, brushing his hand through his hair as he sat down in front of his computer.

“I'm not, but my brother is. When we were younger he said that we should make a musical together. And as a man of my word, I've been working on a book for a musical for him. He's already got a couple of songs written up for it and we’re working with it. It's actually not half bad. He may drive me insane, but he's talented at what he does”

Remus had just started typing when his phone alarm went off. His eyes widened and he scrambled to pack up again.

“SHIT!!! I have a meeting with my boss, they're giving me an octopus to care for I can't believe I forgot I'm such an idiot oh shit I'm gonna be late and they won't-”

Logan stopped his hands. He looked him calmly in the eyes with a small smile.

“Hey, we’ll pack for you and drop your stuff off for you, just go and get that octopus Remus”

Remus smiled gratefully and after checking he had his phone and keys, he ran to get home.

“Hello Dr. sanders! Please come in!”

The doctor smiled at him as he stepped inside. He glanced around the area idly with a smile.

“With how energetic and, well, chaotic you are at work I didn't expect your home to be so immaculate!”

“Heheh, yeah I prefer a clean canvas. Sorry not everything is in place, I kinda forgot about this until just a bit ago and had to rush out of a study group. It's usually cleaner than this, well, at least most of it is, my brother is a mess, but he has a completely separate space. Oh boy I’m talking a lot”

“It's fine kid. Mind showing me where you'd be keeping her?”

Remus nodded and led the doctor into his room, and suddenly he felt a little self conscious over all the terrariums in his room. Dr. Sanders paid his full attention to the fish tank.

“This is impressive, it's a nice little ecosystem for all of them, are you sure Cephy won't disrupt them all?”

“Oh! Yes, I did a little research on her breed and none of the fish in there are food for her, nor is she food for. I know she's super friendly and all these guys have been very receptive to new members in the past, my newest one is the angel fish but she doesn't seem to be bothered by bigger creatures. I also have a back up tank for worst case scenarios, and the fish don't bother my brother!”

“Only thing I'd say is, maybe add some driftwood or floating objects for her to lay on”

He then turned to look at the other tanks. He smiled as he saw the lizards scatter a bit. Remus felt like he was about to die.

“These are pretty nice! You have a nice assortment of reptiles here, where'd you get them?”

“Oh, um, just uh, just outside. A good amount of lizard friends come to our patio, and every once in a while they'll like, crawl up to me. My family says I’m the reptile whisperer heh”

“That's intriguing. Most of these species are loner types, were they hurt?”

“Um, some of them were, got beat up by a local cat or something I think”

“Huh. that's even more fascinating. Anyways, back to the point. You know the rules with Cephy right? You aren't in charge of buying her food or medication until we decide whether or not she can be released. If she doesn't cut it, we will likely have you keep her rather than attempt to remove her from familiarity and then she will become your responsibility alone. She may have an attitude the first few days from moving around, but for the most part she will integrate well I think. If any complications arise, you have my personal number, and I think that's it! We will send her home with you tomorrow with a week's supplies. Any questions?”

“No sir! Thank you so much, you won't regret this, I swear!”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you last week! We were asked to lower our number of interns!”

“What? Wait why are you telling me this?”

“Well, due to that we had to make some changes, and i'd like to formally offer you a full time job! And of course, by full time, I don't plan on changing your hours unless it works with your school schedule. We would love to keep you as one of our marine biologists once you graduate!”

“I- sir, thank you so much, I, I am so grateful! Wait, does that mean I can get even more hands on experience with the critters? Oh thank you so much!”

“Heh, you're one of our best workers, I figure it might be helpful to have a proper wage. But on that note, I really should be going, I have an appointment in an hour and it's a 45 minute drive from here”

“Oh, yeah! Yes, of course, here, I’ll show you out!”

When Roman got home he didn't expect to have Remus tackle him.

“Whats up Remus?”

“I PASSED!!! SHE'S COMING TOMORROW!!! AND I GOT A PROMOTION!!! ROMAN I GOT A RAISE, I'M GETTING AN EXTRA 5 DOLLARS AN HOUR I CAN'T BELIEVE MY LUCK!!!”

“Holy shit man, maybe you should be paying all the bills now, you make way fuckin more than I do at the cafe!”

“Oh, wait, fuck, Logan and Virgil are coming by fuck I gotta clean”

Roman just about died laughing as Remus ran around trying to tidy the place. It was only a few minutes before there was a knock on the door. Roman got it as Remus made a pot of coffee.

“Hello!”

“Hello Remus! We came to return your bag and your soda that you left at the library”

“Logan open your eyes, that's not Remus. Remus has a mustache you fool”

Logan opened his eyes to see Remus. But not Remus, Remus was more scruffy, and he was shorter, Remus was only a little taller than him, but the not Remus in front of him towered a good several inches over him. And the biggest difference to Logan, was Remus had auburn eyes, almost red, the not Remus in front of him had bright green eyes. Logan felt his cheeks redden. He looked down sheepishly after having stared.

“My apologies, you must be Remus’ brother. My name is Logan and this is Virgil”

“Well hello there Logan and Virgil, my name is Roman. Please, come in”

“Roman STOP FLIRTING!!!”

The two stepped in and laughed as Roman shouted back.

“I LITERALLY JUST SAID HELLO AND MY NAME OH MY GOD”

Logan and Virgil wandered in, meeting Remus in the living room, greeting them with a smile and cups of coffee. The two took them graciously and sat down at Remus’ request. While Remus stayed in the kitchen as he searched for snacks in the cabinet, Roman leaned against the wall, giving the guests a quick look over. He smiled faintly as he saw the glasses clad one, Logan he reminded himself, turn red at the attention.

“Roman did you ever go to the store and get what I asked you for?”

“Of course not, you didn't give me a list and I prefer to keep our phone calls to twice a month and I was out of calls”

“You're an idiot”

“Yeah I sorta went into the least brainy major I could find. You're supposed to be the brainy one”

Remus sighed as he brought out a plate of fruits and chips and dip. He shot a glare at Roman's smirk.

“What are you smirking about now?”

“Oh nothing, just a little offended that you hid your cute friends from me”

Roman nearly sputtered after the words left his mouth as Logan turned bright red. Virgil just rolled his eyes at him and Remus looked just about ready to smash his glass of coffee over Roman's head, but he stayed resolute.

“Roman, can't you just go flirt with a random tree? Or one of my lizards! Keith would love a boyfriend!”

“I would rather make out with an octopus”

“Well duh! Octopi are great kissers!”

“God you and Jay would get along so well I really need to introduce you two”

“Yeah sure I would, with one of your theatre nerd friends”

Virgil then sat up a bit. He looked between the twins with a grin.

“Oh wait, theatre nerds? You wouldn't happen to be the Roman my boyfriend keeps telling me about?”

“Depends, who is he?”

“Patton Corwyn”

“Oh fuck yeah! He's one of my best friends!”

“Then I agree with him, you would love Jay”

Remus grumbled something into his coffee. He sent another glare towards Roman as he set down his cup.

“Roman I know you don't know anything about courtesy, but you are making my friends uncomfortable, could you go do your messy things in your room or something?”

“Wait we aren't-”

“Lucky for you I've got a shift at the cafe in a bit, I just gotta change. Nice meeting you Logan, Virgil, see you later rem”

Roman gave a finger salute before diving into his room. Logan almost felt sad at his departure. He tried to focus back on his coffee and his computer screen but Virgil nudged him and sent him a knowing smirk. He glared at his screen instead.

“Does our bookworm have a crush?”

“Oh please do not have a crush on him he’ll be so cocky and dumb!”

“I, I don't have a crush, shut up, your apartment is just really warm. Shut up!”

He angrily typed away as the other two giggled at his bright cheeks. A door opened and Logan turned to see, and he really shouldn't have turned to see. Roman was wearing black slacks, a red button up shirt and a black half apron. And who said he was allowed to be so attractive? Roman gave him a quick wink before looking over at Remus.

“Is it my night for dinner?”

“Yes”

“K, I’ll text you when my shift is done and get your order. See you later”

“Cool, k, leave! I'm trying to study!”

“Ok ok!”

Logan wasn’t free of the teasing until he finally left.

“Good afternoon! Welcome to Dream Bean! What can I get for you today?”

“Hiya Roman! Strawberry acai with extra whipped cream large please?”

“Ah, Patton, I see your taste remains a slave to the pink drink, it'll be right up!”

“Don't shame me! It's sweet and healthy!”

“And has no caffeine, but I’ll leave it be, promise”

“Oh, and a blueberry muffin!”

“Alrighty! That'll be 7 dollars!”

Roman loved his job. The dream bean coffee shop had higher prices than the local Starbucks, but they had better drinks and food in his humble opinion. The college students in the town were spoiled, they got discounts at the place and most alumni swore by the little shop. It was a staple of the town, and Roman had been coming to it for as long as he can remember. He paid no attention to the fact that both his friends had decided to nestle in a corner of the little shop far longer than they were technically supposed to. That is, until he clocked out, making himself a cafe mocha before popping over to the booth the two had stolen away to. He raised his eyebrow at them as he took a sip of his drink.

“What brings you two here?”

“Can't we just want some of the best coffee in the world?”

“Considering Patton didn't get coffee, and from the looks of it you got a hot chocolate with a shot of espresso, no, no you can't”

“Ok so we wanted to know more about your musical! Sue us!”

“Hmm, how about I tell you about it on a walk, if Patton tells me why he didn't mention that his boyfriend is friends with my brother. And why you didn't introduce me to Logan”

“Deal!”

Patton giggled as he brought his new cup of coffee to his lips. He and Virgil stood and followed Roman out the door.

“I didn't know your brother and Vee were friends! He must be Remus then right?”

“Mhmm. whole family of mythology names, my uncle's name is Romulus”

“Hmm! I haven't actually met him, Virgil doesn't bring his friends over a lot. But why are you more upset about not knowing about Logan?”

“I mean, hes hot as fuck, would’ve liked to talk t him more but I had to leave for work before I could say much more than hello or goodbye. He looks smart. Wouldn't take him for a creative writing guy”

“Oh he's a psych major, he wants to write scientific journals and studies and stuff. There wasn't a minor choice for journalism, so he figured creative writing would fulfill the same things. He's actually really talented, he writes lots of sci-fi and fantasy things, he's a huge nerd, but he's really sweet”

“He blushed at like anything I said, it was adorable. Remus almost killed me”

“Ok as much as I love hearing your tea on guys, I do not care about this near as much as I care about this musical”

Patton and Roman both devolved into a mess of laughter at JJ’s insistence about the musical. Roman pulled out his phone with a grin and gave Jay a sympathetic look.

“Ok, let me text Remus for his dinner order and then I’ll tell you all about it”

Remus just about groaned when he heard keys jingle in the door. He was sprawled across the couch, legs over the top of it and his head and arms draped on the floor. He was even more tempted as he heard more voices mix with his brothers. He shouted across the apartment when the door opened.

“YOU NEED TO STOP EXISTING, LOGAN WOULDN'T STOP THIRSTING OVER YOU THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS HERE!”

“Too bad, he's kinda cute!”

Remus fell off the couch as Roman and his friends walked in. mostly because one of them was hot as balls. He hoped beyond hope that he was the Jay Roman had mentioned from earlier. Jay had a face full of scars on one side of his face, and wore a pastel yellow shirt with a jean vest covered in pins. He also wore a deep yellow beanie. Remus couldn't look away as he stood up again.

“Oh! Uh hello! Roman’s friends!”

The other one smiled brightly, just about as bright as his pastel blue jumper and white suspenders. He held out one hand, the other filled with bags of food. Remus shook his hand.

“Hiya! I'm Patton! And you're the Remus my boyfriend keeps talking about!”

“Hello! That must mean that you are Jay?”

Jay stuttered after actually getting a good look at him. He nodded and smiled back at him.

“You can um, you can call me Janus! If, if you want that is! Um, Roman told us about the musical you two are writing and it's really cool! I uh, I know it's gonna be great!”

Remus grinned, and let out a giggle as Roman leaned on him. Janus hissed at him and swatted at Roman’s arm.

“Be careful not to corrupt this one, he's a baby”

“I AM 19 YEARS OLD YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!”

“And a freshman. This makes you babey. Regardless, I know you are also a weirdo who loves reptiles, and my brother has a collection that i'm sure he would be delighted to show you”

“repTILES?!”

At that, Janus started bouncing and god, Roman was right, he is babey. Remus grins and nods excitedly as well.

“I can do that! I'd love to show off my babies! But dinner first, I've been begging Roman to let us have Thai food for weeks!”

Taglist: @fivebyfive-finebyfive @tacohippy56900 @analogical-mess @crookedlyoptimisticdestiny @angels-and-dreams @fandomloverangel @booklover223

Let me know if you want to be tagged in my writing!!!

Thank you for reading I will see you later ladies lords and nonbinary royalty!!!

[universal-kitty]

.: Drama Involving AJ :.

   Stylized ‘til I die, I guess. Anyways.

   This is talking about phasefuck/huckerbee/teafrogs/whatever their URL is this week. AJ/Lee. The compilation of what’s happened involving them.

   So... Starting at the beginning.

   D was the reason I got into Borderlands. I watched her play TFTBL and gush about Rhys and get more involved and understand the ship she had! Also got my first crush on Zer0, but... Y’know.

   So I did some art, started plotting ideas for who’d eventually be Gremlin- aka Rena Marlow, my SI for BLands- and that led...to us meeting AJ. They wanted me or D to join their server. D preferred because of her self-ship with Rhys, but I could join, too. D was nervous about new, strange people and I wanted to learn more about Borderlands and try new things, so... I hopped in, D stayed behind.

   The time with them was pretty fun! Ended up making some friends, plotted fun ideas for AJ’s idea of the time, Borderlands Infinite. A continuation of Tales as AJ saw it. The server was made PRIMARILY for this endeavor and everyone in it was allowed an OC or self-insert to be paired with whoever they wanted to be with....long as they were open, that is. AJ had HJack, and everyone else... Well, most of the spares had been paired off by the time I joined.

   Rhys was potentially still open, cause someone AJ had previously been talking with...either wasn’t responding, or had dropped out entirely. I forget by this point. Zer0 wasn’t an option and I didn’t know much of the others, so.... I accepted Gremlin to be paired with Rhys.

   Thus the origins of my verse with Rhys. (As well as the OT3 with him and Vaughn... They started here.)

   Tension was pretty high in the group and- though I didn’t acknowledge it at the time- it was primarily from AJ. Nobody else could like Handsome Jack “too much”... You could be playful about him, a little joke-flirty...but if you were suspected to like HJack, then you were “stealing” him from them. Because of this- while the group was friendly enough- it was hard to get into the “share faves” vibe that a lot of us seemed to have; gushing about a character that wasn’t your own just......felt weird.

   Not sure if anyone else noticed, but that was my experience.

   Anyways, I helped AJ with their story a lot due to being online a ton, with no work to do. We talked on the daily about what Rena could do, what Helios was like, how the story would go... The long-term slowburn we were putting Rena and Rhys through. I praised their art and ideas, they cheered for Rena/Rhys. It was pretty mutually supportive....

   ...Until AJ kicked fits. I was always online, so what about everyone else?? When I wasn’t online- sometimes if I was- I’d get put on a pedestal for helping out while others said nothing. (Essentially saying something like “Aki helps out all the time, but nobody else does” or, the popular one, “maybe I should just delete this since nobody cares.” I don’t have screenshots of this for reasons that’ll be explained in a moment.)

   We typically talked them out of these, but eventually... It did happen. AJ messaged me that the old group had been deleted and there was now a new group of only the ACTIVE people. This left me and a few others, thought some other people would eventually cycle in. (One of which still being someone I look up to even today!! Even if we don’t talk much, lol.)

   I got more creative freedom during this time, since other people “lost out” in their spots and... Somehow, this led to me taking on Nisha, too. I paired her with my OCs, Pyrotech and Meowzer. (Ex-Creepypasta OCs revamped for BLands. Is this my origins for my Nisha ship? Kinda!!!)

   But by this point... I had grown to *really* like HJack. I’d made a slip before (more on that later), but learned his character very well and even played him for roleplays AJ and I were doing. AJ played themself and Rhys; I controlled Jack and Rena. All that research led to feelings....and ones I knew AJ wouldn’t approve of. So I did two things, right off the bat: kept my head down and immediately worked on justifying why I liked him. See, it’s because...it’s not the “canon” Handsome Jack!! The one I ship with has golden clasps! So they’re not the same!! And uhhhh....more bad things happened to him? He dresses more lavishly...?

   I kept trying to come up with ways AJ might approve of my AU Jack without invoking their wrath. Not that...it would end up doing much, in the long run.

   I invited one of my friends to join during this. One who also liked HJack...and proved my worries right. (Checked my Discord; I still have some of the messages!!! Whoop, here we go...)

   Don’t have screencaps of the drama that proceeded to unfold- especially due to AJ blocking me on Discord and so losing all of our conversation- but.... That’s just how THAT is, I guess.

   They did get super cold after and I had to explain things to my friend, while also assuring AJ that I would handle things and it’d be alright. It was an uncomfortable hiccup, but one that went by easily enough...

   Though as I said, it was a significant event to show me how careful I needed to be when it came to HJack and AJ.

   Also during this time... Another friend I’ll just refer to as P. We’d also been roleplaying in this time and having a blast. Absolute joy and- we don’t talk much anymore- but I do still consider them a dear friend. I played as CEO Rhys for them and they were Handsome Jack for me; we played our characters (my SI, their OC) and just... Had so much fun with it all.

   So then... Amidst all the fun, it eventually happened.

   What I described in this callout post.

   AJ and I...we ended up dating at some point. I thought they were cool, we got along well, talked a LOT and all this... So I didn’t see a problem with it. Why not? I’ll get to have an awesome artist S/O with their cool ship and all their ideas... We’re gonna be unstoppable!

   ...But I also had abandonment issues. Too many times did I pour my all into someone, only to be left empty. I’ve always been the most supportive person in a room, trying to uplift EVERYONE to feel good! Cause yeah, everyone deserves that! AJ knew this. We’d talked about our issues and vented.....

   And they still did that.    They left my server as I slept. Blocked me on Discord, though I didn’t notice it at first.

   ...It was the one day I checked Tumblr first. They left their blog for a new one. Okay!! I’ll follow them on there, then! I did, and checked Discord. That was in the vent channel, and this was sent to me by a mutual friend.

   So that’s how I woke up that day. Suddenly alone and single. And very, very depressed. I would end up posting these as my friends had to help me down:

“ ……now I wish I would’ve gotten lost after all or kept sleeping ….nothing is work being awake right now”

“ I just don’t want to exist I hate myself all over again I can’t get past that”

“ AJ just…..dropped me. Just like that. I didn’t know and tried to follow her new blog….. Either they just soft-blocked me or outright blocked me

“I feel so fuckin’ horrible”

   At the time, I was horribly depressed due to outside causes. I was suicidal at the time and getting into some light, risky behavior in hopes it could be a factor in the end of my life. (I would walk around at night, hoping that the growing heat would either cause heat exhaustion or someone would attack me. Abduct me. Whatever meant that I would be gone and in pain.)

   I later learned that this is actually learned behavior; my dad would react in extremist ways to things (something broke? “I want to kill myself.”) and so I probably learned it from him. This has actually made managing my suicidal thoughts easier, but at the time, I did not know this and put me more at risk.

   Though this then kept continuing.... Because of course these things do.

   It starts all over with me trying to move on. Someone was advertising their self-ship server, I wanted to try again and make friends... So I gave it a shot and joined!

   ....AJ was in there.

   I quickly left as soon as I had entered, telling the owner I couldn’t stay due to troubles with someone else in there. They were understanding and, thankfully, that was that.

   ...But it STILL wasn’t. These are older messages, so I can’t get them together as much as I’d like to (in one screenshot, is what I’m saying) so I’ll also quote these, but if anyone needs screenshot proof, I can get that on request.

   Anyways, our mutual friend (I’ll nickname her MF for “mutual friend” lol) later piped up with this:

05/19/2018 “So, aj invited me to a group chat and I'm a pushover who hasn't been able to cut them off yet so I said yes and boi I'm big uncomfortable now Like I thought I could maybe juggle being friends with both aj and Rachel even after what aj did but I was wrong.

“But idk what do now. I don't know what to say to them because I don't want to just drop them without saying anything. No doubt that'll get them talking about me behind my back”

.:.

“I might try that. I might mute the server so that I don't have to deal with that because i can't stay in it but I don't want to start shit by leaving I mean they are acting like Rachel is in the wrong”

.:.

“That they "stole their f/o" and that they are going to take the dragon idea that Rachel had for blands and "make it better" out of spite And I'm not happy”

.:.

“Well I just typed up a long message and while I'm glad I'll finally cut out a toxic person I'm also super nervous

“I sent it and left the server

“Wow okay all I got was a "Bye then" I sent a long ass message. Explaining my side and why. Hoping they'd understand and they just said bye then??????”

   As you can see.... Everyone who’d been in that server (me, P, and MF) were on-edge about the “talking behind our back” issue that MF confirmed above. I figured it would happen, but it did...and that was a league all it’s own. (Especially when the callout post went around, and it got confirmed AGAIN that slander in my name was still going around.)

   But one more thing happened that triggered this onslaught... Remember my RP w/ P? Well, this happened.... [TW for daddy kink mention? Calling themself Daddy?? That thing.]

   Link to Ask.

   Was never reblogged. Sent to me by a friend. To my knowledge, nobody spread this around AT ALL. But this was brought up in the same vent/time period as the above conversation.....

MF: Aj said that Rachel stole hj from them.

Me: Me, apparently. It's somewhere between that post and the ask (I think?) P sent me..... Which I loved and was hella surprised over, but. Oh boy.

Fren (aka owner of Karma): My god wtf can she like calm tf down

MF: They actually were mad that people were reblogging a post of yours, probably the kitten thing, that was about hj because it's "gross"

Fren: geeze Aj grow up

Me: ??????? Nobody reblogged it, tho

MF: Hmmmmm they vagued about someone shipping with him, someone they had blocked, that liked the daddy kink and stuff

   I mean. I get it’s a gross thing for people, but.... HJack has also called himself “daddy/papa” on more than one occasion. It’s up for debate if he does it because he is Literal Dad or because he’s that nasty, but... Considering everything else he does, the latter seems the most obvious. That’s just how he is.

   Anyways. The point being that we had each other mutually blocked by this point. I had people either block me, soft-block me, OR just outright unfollow + soft-block me because they were more trusting of AJ than of me. So to hear that they somehow knew P was sending me that ask...... Either someone TOLD them or they were stalking my blog to see what I was doing while they were gone.

   Either way, not great. (What was pretty funny is I later made a joke about “stealing the rights to Handsome Jack from 2k so nobody else can do anything with him” and that “I’m a wanted man”... That’s nice.)

   And so... We get to more recently.

   Last I personally heard, I had to do some personal checking that led up to this... Saw leeships in self insert tag. New self-ship blog, so I blocked, as well as checking their blocked main to make sure everything lined up....and was greeted with this.

   They’ve since changed their URL- again- but the fact they’re STILL being petty towards D is just....something else.

   Speaking of, I’m not actually...sure where that started. There was a whole conversation we had over how AJ treated D out of sight of others (they talked over IMs, I guess because we were budding friends at the time, and what else do I do but hype up all my friends?) There was a lot of attention-seeking behavior from AJ (showing their art and then getting mad when D or Fren tried to compliment them for “lying” about the compliment...?), but far as I knew/remember, there wasn’t any bigger issue.

   ...After we broke up, however, an issue began as D and I became better friends. Friends stick with friends, D knew AJ, so when the blocking-bug was going around, D blocked them, too.

   Which eventually snowballed into the bullshit you can still see today. With AJ trying to claim that D is the one dealing out harassment when- at worst- maybe D did talk too much and AJ didn’t deal with it in a healthy way. (Because that is an issue I’ve heard of; except AJ freaked out over it, instead of talking it out like a healthy adult and figuring out how they could balance out the conversation. Seriously. I’ve had this talk with D. We don’t dominate our conversations at all; nobody over the other. If there ever was a problem, then literally just saying “Hey, I don’t feel heard/listened to when I talk about my ship” was all AJ ever needed to say, but....... Y’KNOW.)

   I’m not D, so I can’t say the full scenario of that, but this is the best way I can show there was a middle ground AJ could’ve used to work things out, but they didn’t.

   Oh, and just so I’m not saying things if you haven’t already seen this... Here’s a screenshot someone (for privacy’s sake) got of AJ trying to pin the blame on D for being the “real harasser” in their BYF:

   We all just wanted to get over this. However, D and I especially don’t want to get involved with or be AROUND AJ/Lee in any way. So we keep an eye on what they do so we can feel safe. We DON’T want to forgive AJ/Lee (for obvious reasons), so we keep blocking their accounts and/or make sure they’re still on our blocklist.

   I know I’ve resorted to putting their URLs on BLACKLIST to make sure I don’t see them at ALL because of how much stress they put me under just seeing them around.

   What the hell do THEY have to be stressed about? Dealing with people they hurt for BEING hurt and not wanting them around us anymore?? Fuck....

.:.

    Anyways. I guess that about concludes all I wanted to write about. Friendly reminder that their old callout post is here and while I doubt a new one will crop up any time soon (as I sure don’t want to write one that’ll get around, after the last time I had a friend try to help me do a callout post on someone like this), you can at least look up that one more time after reading this.

   So...... That’s the end. Thanks for reading this and I’m sorry if anything was upsetting.

   ...If you want, you can come to the ask box and ask for a gif of your F/O? Or a cute puppy or kitten? Maybe I can find some nice fanart for you as comfort...? IDK, options.

[heeydolan]

Scheming {G.D.} – Part 1

Summary: Being best friends with the Dolans only naturally means Y/N will do anything for them. Even if that means possibly sabotaging any chances she has with Grayson, she just can’t seem to say no to the people who have been there for her the most.

A/N: Hey guys! This is my first ever fanfic I’m posting! Sorry if it sucks lol. Enjoy! Also, this is inspired by the movie John Tucker Must Die.

Warnings: N/A

WC: 1.9k

masterlist

Senior year.

The year every high schooler anticipates but never expects to come so quickly. On your first last day, you feel this weird excitement that you can't really explain but at the same time you're dreading another year at the place that you've dragged yourself to every morning for the past three years. You're ready to be done with this hell hole but you can't imagine leaving.

All the perks that come with the title of being a senior also keeps you pushing regardless if you're ready to leave or not. Being the Kings and Queens of the school, half-assing every class, and the parties all make it pretty bearable, too.

All the anxiety and stress Junior year caused me makes the work load that Senior year is going to hold look wimpy.

Of course that was my choice last year but overall, my GPA and I are very thankful for all my effort.

Aside from school work, high school has been very good to me.

I've discovered my true friends, Camilla Vargas, Ethan Dolan, Matt Jensen, and Grayson Dolan.

Cheerleading has brought me a lot of joy. Thank you Camilla for forcing me to try out our freshman year.

And it's taught me to live and appreciate life.

I'm sure there's a lot more to learn from high school, as I still have this next year to get through but my priority is walking across the stage, getting my diploma, and graduating.

Pulling into the student parking lot, I make my way to my assigned parking spot next to my best friends. The three of them had already arrived and I'm not surprised that they beat me here.

Gathered around Ethan's truck, they turn their attention to me as I get my things out of my back seat.

"Of course Y/N is the last one to get here." Camilla says as she pops her lollypop back in her mouth. I roll my eyes at her as I swing my book bag over my shoulder and shut the car door.

"At least she made it on time." Grayson chuckles as he swings his left arm around my shoulders.

"You guys are rude." I wrap my right arm around Grayson's waist and we all begin walking into the large school building.

I honestly love all of my friends so much. They're like my family. But Grayson has always been extra special to me.

He's the first person out of our group that I met.

He and Ethan were moving into the same neighborhood as me the summer before we started third grade. Grayson was in my back yard hiding from his parents so he didn't have to help unpack and I got scared so I told my mom. When she came out to look, he was gone. Later that afternoon, as I was playing alone in my treehouse, he popped back up and apologized for scaring me.

I didn't have many friends due to the fact I was so introverted but thanks to Grayson and Ethan, they really pulled me out of my shell.

Now Lisa and Sean are like my second set of parents and Cameron is like the older sister I never had.

Grayson and Ethan, are easily known as Long Valley High's it boys. Both are stars of the football team– Grayson being the quarter back and Ethan as the wide receiver makes for the perfect duo. Not only that, but their success in academics are pretty impressive, too.

When we all arrive at our lockers, we compare our schedules. Being seniors, we only have a total of four classes.

First period: Economics with Camilla, Grayson, and Ethan.

Second period: AP Lit with Grayson.

Third period: Statistics with Camilla.

Fourth period: Physics with Grayson, Camilla, and Matt.

Economics flys by. Our teacher, Mrs. Frost, gave us our syllabus then talked about her kids the rest of the time.

Grayson and I say bye to Camilla and Ethan and head to our second period together.

"Sucks that we couldn't have just gotten that one other class together." Grayson says as we pass the other students in the hall. Some faces are familiar and some aren't.

"Yeah, sucks but probably a good thing. I need a break from you at some point, Gray." I joke.

He laughs then gives me a little nudge, "don't lie, you can never have enough of me."

"Right–"

"–Hey Grayson! How was your summer?" Some girl interrupts, stopping us in our tracks.

He looks over at me giving me a questioning look. I shrug my shoulders and he turns back to her, "Oh uh, it was great. Football practice kind of took it over though."

"Oh yeah! Can't wait to see what you and Ethan do this fall!" She rubs her hand down his bicep and I feel myself flench.

"Thanks!" He says, trying to be as friendly as possible to the girl neither of us know. "But hey, I gotta get to class. Nice talking to you!"

"Of course!" She begins to walk away but turns back towards us, "I'm Maya by the way. I'll see you around if like, you want to see me."

She winks and then she's gone. Grayson and I look at each other and laugh.

"What the hell does that even mean?" He questions as we walk into the classroom.

We both take a seat in the back beside each other. Every english class I've ever had since I met Grayson, we've had together. It's always been a thing and I've always helped him due to the fact it's a little more difficult to him.

"Good morning Seniors!" Our teacher, Miss Wilson, walks in as the bell rings. Miss Wilson also happens to be the cheerleading coach so I can already tell this class is going to be a breeze.

She introduces herself, goes over the syllabus with the class, then gives us the rest of class to mingle.

"Cameron just asked for You, Me, and Ethan to meet her at Perk's when we get done with school." Grayson says while looking down at his phone.

"Sounds good." I say while scrolling through instagram.

Although our group is close, Ethan, Grayson, and I are way closer. We hang out without Camilla and Matt a lot of the times but they don't seem to mind.  

Statistics goes by super slow as our teacher, Mrs. Abney, gives us actual work to complete. It's the first day of school and we're already being graded.

"Alright, ladies and boys, how's it going?" Mr. Bass, the Physics teacher, begins class. "This year is going to be easy, if you apply yourself. Now to begin, I want you to choose your lab partner. This is the partner you will have for the rest of the year. You will turn in assignments together, work together everyday, and be graded off of your teamwork."

I look around the room for Grayson. He didn't get a seat by me because he came in a little later than I did.

"Y/N, be my partner?" Camilla asks.

I feel a little caught off guard. Camilla knows Grayson is my go to. I finally find Grayson and he's already giving me a look. "Sorry C, I already told Gray I'd be his partner." I lie.

She rolls her eyes, grabs her bag, and walks over to Matt.

"She good?" Grayson asks as he sits at the table with me where Camilla was previously sitting.

"I think she's mad." I reply, resting my chin on the palm of my hand.

"I mean, I'd be mad at you too if I was stuck with Matt. He's great at football but he's as dumb as a bag of rocks."

I laugh and we both focus our attention to the front of the classroom.

The hour in Physics ends. Once the bell dismisses us, I gather my things and we all head to the student parking lot. I throw my book bag into the back seat of my Toyota 4Runner and hop in the drivers seat.

Camilla and Matt ask where we're going but once we tell her Cameron asked us to meet her, they don't say anything else.

I follow Ethan and Grayson to Perk's Diner. It's only about 3 miles away from the school so it doesn't take us long to reach the familiar building.

Cameron is already here. The three of us walk in and take a seat at the booth with her.

"Ok Y/N," Ethan starts before I can even say hello to Cameron, "if you don't want to do this, we will completely understand. But we really need your help–"

"–really, really need your help." Cameron cuts in.

"Ok, go on."

"So you know our friend Charlie, right?" Ethan questions. I slowly nod my head. Charlie is in the same class as Grayson, Ethan, and me. He was held back a year so he's technically a year older than us and a year younger than Cameron. He plays football with the twins and somehow managed to convince Cameron to date him for two years.

"Well, he cheated on me. Guess that's what I get dating a younger guy."

I give her a sympathetic look, but before I can give her the 'you-deserve-better-than-that' speech, I'm cut off by Ethan. "I could kill the guy. And that's exactly what we're gonna do." I look at Grayson, to Ethan, then to Cameron with wide eyes.

"Not literally!" Cameron reassures me, "Just, emotionally."

"Ok, so how exactly do I fit into that?"

They all give each other looks. Cameron and Ethan both nod to Grayson, as if they're giving him permission to speak, so he takes the floor. "After Cam found out he cheated on her, she immediately ended things between the two of them. Well, us being the great siblings we are, we knew we needed to give him a taste of his own medicine. Ethan and I decided to pretend to still be friends with him, because that opens a door of numerous opportunities."

"So basically keep your friends close but your enemies closer?" I question.

"Exactly," Grayson continues, "so he came up to me this morning during third period and asked me to give him details about one of my friends. That friend being none other than you, Y/F/N." He looks down at me with his beautiful, hazel eyes and the butterflies in my stomach begin to flutter. "That's when it hit me, instead of giving him a taste of his own medicine, why don't we take it even further?"

"You have to make him fall in love with you, Y/N!" Cameron exclaims. "Then break his puny heart... assuming he has one." I feel hesitant at first, looking down at my chipped nail polish. As much as I want nothing to do with the drama, I couldn't bring myself to say no.

I couldn't say no to the girl who was basically like another big sister to me.

"Fine," I finally sigh, "I'm in."

They all let out a breath simultaneously and I receive thank you smiles from them all. Grayson drapes his arm around me and pulls me into a side hug.

"The other two girls who he cheated on me with are in on the plan, too." Cameron begins, "They're meeting at our house after school so can you be there around three?"

"Yeah! I'll be there."

[minero-tan]

11 please!! For the artist number ask!

OH, SOMEONE ACTUALLY SEND AN ASK!! THAT’S RARE, THANK YOU! 

 11. How many OCs do you have? Introduce them 

 OOF, I have 44 if I haven’t forgotten anyone lmaooo but here goes (introducing them in no particular order)

1. Booty = my first oc ever made. She came to life in 2015 when I was showing my friends the butt of an anime girl as a joke. It was all fun and jokes but for some reason despite me joking around she became the most serious and strickt oc. She’s pretty much the mom friend 

2. Up = my second oc ever made. She’s really carefree and loud. I made her in class when I listened to the song “Up” by olly murs and demi lovato. She’s the complete opposite of booty and she gets stressed out by up the most out of all 44 oc's 

3. Delta = my third oc ever made. He died as a normal dude and then got turned into an android. He’s really quiet and usually in a bad mood. Would kill people a lot more if it weren’t so bothersome 

4. Vision = He’s blind. That’s right, i’m a cruel mother who names her blind child Vision. Anyway, he’s a really kind dude who gets along with a bunch of people. The cool uncle in the group 

5. Mokka = A half cat half human boyo. In the story people who’re pure animals have both animal ears and tails while mokka only has a tail. Had cat headphones in his old design because he hated his human part thanks to his mom who neglected and hated him for not being a pure breed (she cheated on her husb. And he left her because of her cheating so she now gives mokka the fault for that), but in his newer design he grew older and accepted his human part. Grumpy guy who flirts a lot but who’s really bad at it. Also he’s real good with computers. oh AND he’s a Prince

6. Tiptoes = alright, don’t judge me for the weird names, I made her when I listened to the song “Tiptoes” by Jayme dee. She was originally a dancer, but in her new design I made a cheerleader out of her. Still, she loves all kinds of dances and she’s really fit. She’s quite cheeky and will nag on grumpy people like mokka

7. Neta = ah yes, the oc who I probably draw the most. She’s a dog who’s really into fashion lmao. She’s really quiet and collected and really popular with the guys, but at some point I made up the fact that she’s a meme dealer and I decided that I have to keep that personality trait at all costs 

8. Enno = Netas twin brother, but they’re the complete opposite. Enno doesn’t care if he gets dirty or not and he will definitely fight anyone who just looks at him weird. Tough guy, but a complete dumbass who probably can’t even count to 10. Very clingy though if he likes someone 

9. Latty = Neta’s and Enno’s wolf cousin. She’s really loud and really stupid. Wants to be like neta. Gets bullied a lot because out of all the wolfes in her pack she’s the only one who has a white streak in her black hair. But she’s quite the optimist and is practically amazed by everything she encounters 

10. Live = The goddess of Life. She’s really calm and gentle. She can revive dead beings, heal beings and it’s said that she’s the reason babies of both animals and humans are born. Really friendly, laughs a lot 

11. Chi = Live’s evil cousin. Her parents were salty that they didn’t become gods as well and that they were left off with the Knight job where they have to protect the gods and gave their hatred onto their daughter. Chi basically murdered a bunch of gods and wanted to kill her cousin as well but the other gods stopped her and locked her away. Will act like a trust worthy person to get what she wants. Mind games are her thing

12. Mocchi = A bubbly normal girl who just sees the best in everyone. Real optimist, can befriend everyone. Is there for you if you’re having a hard day 

13. Zadora = I was really inspired by a horse I knew lmao. Small shy girl who’s scared of a lot of things, especially strangers and big crowds. Kinda awkward but makes a good friend who’s always happy to spend some time with you. Loves her friends and family a lot 

14. Lium = Quiet demon dude who is really awkward. He could put people on fire with his supernatural abilities, but chooses to be nice since he just wants some friends. Gets terrorized by his look alike twin a lot, but he got used to it 

15. Laru = Lium’s evil twin. Will melt the ice cream of a little girl just for the laughs. Picks on his brother a whole lot but if someone else picks on Lium then Laru will snap their neck in half. Basically wants his brother to become evil and do bad things but he’s not quite succeeding. Good friends with Chi 

16. Frei = A fox spirit lady who actually lived in a shrine but then decided to travel. Real carefree and somewhat of a hippy. Really chill person, great to hang out with 

17. G = another android who got build for the military but then got replaced by newer models (I made him before dbh was a thing). Is a killer machine on the battlefield but will pick a rose and just give it to the nearest person when not on the battlefield. Really protective, he basically has it programmed into his brain to fight the enemy and to protect the innocent. Would be an A+ dad 

18. Majo = A small witch girl who’s pretty much an asshole. Will scream if she won’t get what she wants and will laugh at you if you’re dumb enough to give it to her. Fucks with people, not in a horrible cruel way but putting a dollar on the ground and then pulling it away whenever someone tries to pick it up is basically her go to thing 

19. Shepper = A Sheep boy who’s the biggest pushover, only because he’s so awkward and kind. Will listen to your worries but it’s easy to make him get and do stuff for you only because he can’t say No. Will cuddle you and sing you a lullaby if you’re having trouble sleeping. Gets pushed around by Majo 24/7 but he sees it more as baby sitting since Majo is younger than him 

20. Twen = my 20th oc! Get it? Twenty? Hhhhhhhhh,,,,, anyways, he’s a boy with a lot of energy and a passion for football/soccer. Like, he REALLY loves that sport, he will fight anyone who says that It’s bad. Basically your typical white boy. Still a nice dude, he’s a good sport 

21. Rhett = tall dragon boyo. Really shy but also really gentle. Works as a servant and enjoys it. Will breathe fire if he’s getting really flustered. Scared that he will hurt someone with his tail or just with his big size in general. “You want to shake my hand? Let me bow instead since I don’t want to hurt you"    

22. Morgen = a girl who I’ll have to redesign soon because OOF. I made her after listening to "Morgen Stern” by Rammstein. Basically, she’s really ugly and wishes to the stars that she becomes beautiful like all the other girls. Has her face covered up by bandages which I’ll probably change into a mask lmao. Really sad girl, scared to look people into their eyes. She also gets bullied a lot, and she cuts herself. Morgen hates herself and wishes she would be someone else

23. Rema = there are a few similarities between him and Morgen. Rema’s whole body is covered in scars thanks to his mom who hurt him a lot when he was little. She pretty much destroyed his whole face and then called him ugly. After being called ugly for a bunch of years he grew up to believe that he’s ugly. He came into an orphanage after his mom left him on the streets in the middle of nowhere, so in the orphanage he found a mask which he wears since then. Calls himself ugly and believes that other people think that he’s ugly as well but pretty much no one really cares. Real scared to take off his mask. He’s kinda awkward but makes a good buddy. Will tell you that you’re beautiful 24/7 

24. Kairi = a now zombie girl. She worked in a circus but got killed there by some of her co workers, killed everyone in the circus and basically took over the role as the circus director. Now the circus is closed but the few stupid people who visit the long abandoned circus die there by the ghosts of the people who Kairi killed. She’s Chaotic evil, has a lot of fun when killing. Also mourns over her life when she was still alive 

25. Cchia = ayyy, remember Mokka? This is his half sister. The beloved daughter who can do everything better. Mokka can’t really stand her that much even though Cchia is super supportive and nice towards him. She always got all the praise by their mom because she’s a full cat and was made by both the king and the queen and not by the queen and some normal human dude who the queen had a nice night with, so mokka kinda dislikes her, but she was the only one who stood up for him when he needed it, so he also feels kinda bad for disliking her. She was the one who gave him his cat headphones to make him feel more part of the family. She’s basically amazing at everything but she knows jack shit about technology

26. Melior = Pretty much Aph Poland but as a bunny. 

27. Kureiji = He’s a lot like Up but with a shot temper. One second he laughs and the next second he will destroy a whole house if something happened that made him angry. He’s one of the older oc’s but he’s basically a child. Also, really strong like oof, where does he get all his strength from when he’s just a mortal dude 

28. Joycake = I was listening to a song and it sounded like the girl who was singing said “joycake” and I went “wow, that’s a nice name!!!” So yeah. A really energetic and popular girl. Does dumb jokes and is kinda paranoid. Is a model actually. Does not know what personal space is until she needs it herself. Will fight people for 2 cents, also gets breakdowns quite easily 

29. Mirai = Joy’s twin sister (so many twins in this family). Again the complete opposite of her sister as with every twin what I literally just now noticed. Really serious and doesn’t understand a lot of fun. Hates her sister, like, if someone would throw a rock at joy then mirai would probably just keep walking. A hipster, listens to jazz on a rainy day while sitting on her laptop at starbucks. Wears oversized jackets and has messy braided hair like literally always 

30. Blini = ANOTHER android. She’s like 10 cm tall. Has to get charged with her tail like charger which comes out of her back/butt. Turns red if empty, yellow if half full and green if completely full. Gets angry at everyone, except for little kids. Has to get carried 24/7. Will put a virus on your computer if she hates you 

31. Destiny = the goddess of,,, Destiny. She decides what happens to people and how things turn out. Has a deep history with live. She’s really quiet and can be really serious if she has to be, but deep down she’s just a awkward lady who doesn’t know how to make friends. Takes her job real seriously 

32. Faith = Trans woman! Loves life and is just a really gentle person. Another mom friend but in a kind way, unlike booty who will yell at everyone because she’s worried. Will crochet you a blanket if you’re cold 

33. Mattis = awkward dad friend who’s in love with Faith. Has never fought anyone but will act intimidating if he has to. Has good advice to give. Real quiet, doesn’t talk much but he’s a great listener 

 34. Péja = so many androids! I swear that I made them all before dbh was out! A android specifically made for taking care of the household and little kids. Quite a cheeky android who jokes around a lot. Can easily beat the asses of 5 guys at once and will do so. Gives horrible advice, she really doesn’t know what she’s talking about 

35. Bennett = another fox spirit. He doesn’t work at a shrine like Frei does, but works for a specific royal family. Basically, the queen was about to get hanged so she ran into the woods with her baby because she knew that a spirit lived there and asked him to take care of her child. He’s pretty much a nanny now. A real gentle man who respects nature and every creature on it. Bad at fighting but good at hiding. Great with kids 

36. Temmie = A ghost lady who died as a kid but still aged as a ghost??? Idk what I was thinking there. She lived in a house with her parents who were alcoholics and who beat her more than once a day. She chose to not speak anymore since whenever she opened her mouth her parents already told her to shut up. At some point she tried to run away from home but got hit by a truck and died. Now she’s a friendly ghost who’s just kinda hanging around

37: Totengräber = Their name basically means “dead digger”, which is a grave digger. They are some kind of supernatural being who usually lives on graveyards. They dig out the coffins in order to take the souls out of the deceased bodies and to feast on them which gives them their supernatural powers. They’re quite the trickster but all in all very friendly and usually they befriend the local grave keeper. Can become both genders or neither if they wish so. They can also turn into a beast 

38: Błysk = a old ass dragon man, who acts like a snob and a ladies man. Has tattoos all over his body and is not scared to show em off by walking around completely naked. A real dumbass who doesn’t know much. A “collector” dragon, if he sees something pretty then he will keep it. He’s not awkward or shy but he’s been living alone for so long that he kinda forgot how to have a proper conversation with other people 

39. Damien = A dude who kills all of his girlfriend’s. He falls in love, after a while he gets the feeling that she doesn’t love him anymore and kills her. Usually he scrapes off the meat from the bones and eats it but sometimes he also just buries the corpses in the woods to which he lives close to. He’s been searching for his one true love since forever and once he finds her he is not going to ever let her go again. Will probably tie her down in his basement. Real horny. Really good at making friends and great at acting like he’s just a normal dude but pretty much has two sides which got used to working with each other. Cannot be trusted, he’s real good at lying and making things up to his favour 

40. Ghost man who I don’t have a name for yet = he lives in the snowy mountains together with a bunch of little creatures which contain the souls of little kids who ended up dying on that mountain. Real dad, loves all his children. Really chill and sleepy 24/7 but he doesn’t sleep since he’s already dead. Means no harm, he’s just there to take care of the little one's 

41. Zombie girl #2 who I don’t have a name for yet = Do you know the movie “Warm bodies”? I didn’t take inspiration from that movie, but it’s pretty much this girl who’s the only zombie who can even remotely think and act like a normal person. She was on a trip with her camping school club since she loves nature and all, so when they arrived she decided it was the perfect time to hang herself since she had bad depression and tried to kill herself a few times before. But while she was on her way to find a good hanging spot the other campers got eaten by a few of the first zombies. She hang herself and died but like two minutes later she opened her eyes and just went “Why does god hate me”, since the zombies ate a part of her and so “revived” her lmao. She’s smiling 24/7 even while she’s trying to find a new way of killing herself. Numb inside but still friendly. Has no intention of eating people 

42. Yvette = a ghost boy who’s soul wandered off onto an island where it then possessed the life size puppet which was made by “the doctor”. Originally the doctor was hoping that a female soul enters the body since he wanted to have sex with it but once he noticed that a child soul entered the body he threw it out. Yvette sees the doctor as his dad now. He’s a friendly little fella who cannot remember his past, so now he lives on an island with either crazy or dead people. Seeing a half dead person who got sewed onto the body of a cow is something completely normal for him. Thinks that if humans loose all of their limbs that they’re not going to die since everyone on the island is already not a living human being anymore. Sees the right hand (who’s called Espen) of the doctor as his brother. Gets pushed around by Espen a lot. He’s a child,he just needs some love

43. Voks = one of Yvettes friends. She’s made out of bones, rotten flesh and wax. “The professor” who also lives on that island made her. She’s really supportive, curious and happy, but she has to keep the power of her soul quite high so that the wax that is all around her body stays soft and flexible. If it gets too hot then all the wax will melt off, only leaving the rotten corpse from some kid behind. If it gets too cold then she won’t be able to move. Could kill a bunch of people on one spot 

44. Rakel = a deer slasher lady who lives in the norwegian woods. She leaves the woods only to get some sheep which she will take with her and devour. She’s real scared of adults, so if one goes into her forest then she will feel threatened and impale them with her pointy legs and also eat them afterwards. If a human child goes into the forest then she will either take it back to the border of the woods or take it with her to her barn where she will try to take care of the child herself which sadly usually ends up in the child’s death. Rakel always tries her best to keep them alive, but sometimes a little baby just can’t live off of a sheep cadaver. If someone goes deep into the forest then they will never find out again. Even if they put out a trail of some sort, it will just circle them right back to the middle of the forest. Rakel is the only one who knows how to leave the forest without getting lost. She really just wants to be left alone 

[cnisms]

bye ... i’m truly done taking up muses ... these are short n poorly written but i did them ! i’ll eventually add more information on everyone when i finally get around to finishing muse pages but honestly ? this is all u need to know for now. again, if u wanna plot, just hmu :P a few mentions of drugs n alcoholism but nothing descriptive. here’s percy, zach, ajay, luke, bunny, paris & luma ! (i’ve added gwen, helena n gia too just so they’re all in one place bc i’m lazy)

FINN COLE, CIS MALE, HE/HIM — have you met perseus sage nichols yet ? the twenty-two year old is known for being both astute and jocular, but also very obstreperous and arrogant. born in melbourne, percy now lives in kensington, working as a junior management consultant.  comes from a nice family that he will always be pissed off at for very little reason. has beef w his dad for not providing even tho he really did, it was just never enough for percy. is exactly the type of dude that got mad when leo didn’t win the oscar for wolf. just wanted to be dumb rich n coked out. v smart and got an international scholarship at a good university, by the time he got kicked out for being a rowdy asshole, he’d helped his friends develop some legit apps (the most successful one being a dating app which two yrs later is really just a meme) and they suddenly had a lot of money, he just bought his way back in. bc he was in charge of the business side of things, it was easy enough for him to screw over his friends n walk away w most of what was left when their success went down the drain. got a job as a management consultant at a big, scary firm in london mostly thanks 2 his reputation. is a known ugly n ruthless n desperate to be at the top n live in disgusting luxury. can’t talk to his family or old pals without Wanting To Die bc he’s so committed to this new life he’s created for himself. is literally awful if he doesn’t like u, still awful just in a less hurtful n more annoying way if he does. doesn’t know when to stop. always forgetting n probably trying to hide the fact that he’s not a trust fund baby like all the people he hangs with now. literally just clyde oberholt ?

JAMIE BLACKLEY, CIS MALE, HE/HIM — have you met zachary vaughn baltazar yet ? the twenty-five year old is known for being both unostentatious and sincere, but also very self-deprecating and uncouth. born in berlin, zach now lives in southwark, working as a telemarketer. the nice guy who is always getting rekt (he wrecking himself lbr) is Um .. a v talented writer but is happy just shitting on his work n never exploring his potential bc why bother when he has the ideal amount of friends n weed atm right ? given up and is convinced he is satisfied, will accept any invitation. still won’t let you live tho. has opinions on ur choices and will probably share them behind ur back. somehow feels underappreciated by everyone even tho he truly believes there is nothing to appreciate. omg have a cry and grow up. king of impressive first dates n writes rlly romantic poetry but is either ghosting or getting ghosted the following week bc he is dry and confused. doesn’t know if this is really what he wants/doesn’t feel like he deserves what he wants. close with his family but tries to force more n more distance bc he can’t stand their #drama... or any drama that doesn’t give him an edge Actual Of Ly. the ders of the squad probably.

RAHUL KOHLI, CIS MALE, HE/HIM — have you met ajay charles johal yet ? the thirty year old is known for being both urbane and jovial, but also very restless and quixotic. born in chennai, ajay now lives in newham, as an airline pilot. moved to london w his parents when he was v young, spent all of his teenage yrs feeling guilty for no reason just like watching all his parents did for him to be happy n healthy ? never got over the guilt. is just a v feeling person ig ! anyways he was so committed to helping his parents out, which was rlly truly the only thing he’s ever committed to in his life. needed enough money to support all three of them but rlly had no idea how to go about it. pilot was just one of the ideas handed to him back in high school n he went with it bc he knew he’s never actually settle on anything. turned out ok bc he likes being able 2 actually get the entire hell away from his problems. a v flighty person (aha... classic) and doesn’t have many close relationships bc of it. v respected ... v respectful ... quality lad but can be a lil immature under it all. wish he’d stop feeling bad just bc he has GOOD parents.

TOBY REGBO, CIS MALE, HE/HIM — have you met luciano andrius falley yet ? the twenty-five year old is known for being both genial and cultivated, but also very irksome and delphic. born in naples, luke now lives in camden, as a struggling actor and annoying historian. tragic backstory ? never heard of that. comes from a supportive ($$$ n <333) family who probably only pay for the many flights for all his long ass self discovery backpacking trips bc deep down they can’t put up with him anymore. is a super friendly n outgoing person, the type that is literally always reading a book he only half understands but will bring up what he has learned from it at one of his MANY dinner parties where ur only option is CHICKEN and lots of wine while he refuses to SHUT THE FRICK UP. cute ! kinda very judgemental but will just sigh n let u fuck up. “not to get political but...” is always like Hm Yes ! I Love Hearing Other People’s Stories ! but when ? when does he hear anything other than his own voice ? he probably gives himself lectures on intersectional feminism when he’s home alone he just doesn’t stop. honestly he only ever means well n ig he’s interesting enough but Really... fake struggling yet still pretentious aesthetics.

MARGOT ROBBIE, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER — have you met elizabeth celine leblanc ? the twenty-seven year old is known for being both coruscating and ardent, but also very egocentric and bourgeois. born in seattle, bunny now lives in southwark, as an influential homemaker. boozy housewife. spent her childhood living below the poverty line before her father began helping ppl smuggle drugs into america. he built his own big operation off of that (with a hygiene product company as a cover) and was successful enough to squash the few people it pissed off. business spread to europe n then when he was ready to retire and the south gang was interested, he had elizabeth marry into it before he sold the operation just to make sure he would always be taken care of. it got handed down to her husband bc she wasn’t interested in any legit roles (her asshole fathers fault honestly ? he wouldn’t have given her control even if she wanted it) and she just went along with whatever would keep her from returning to her Humble Beginnings. is very “i do whatever i have to in order to survive” n by survive she means never actually work n just waltz around a mansion in designer gowns all day. materialistic n v selfish. fake charitable for her socialite image. doesn’t cook, but is always sharing recipes. has no real interest in the soap she pretends to make. is consistently fake. literally gets zero joy from anything that isn’t spending money. could probably be happy if she could escape her family’s ugly beliefs n misogynistic practices n she’s getting there but just . slowly. hates the nickname bunny, but i’m forcing the meme.

MIMI ELASHIRY, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER — have you met paris nefret bayoumi yet ? the twenty year old is known for being both beneficent and equable, but also very disengaging and inelegant. born in alexandria, paris now lives in greenwich, practicing herbalism. also works at the rosado but whom cares ? not her ! all she cares abt are the HERBS. was raised by her grandmother who was a Kitchen Witch (as in .. u know ... this isnt a supernatural rp But that woman was a witch !) so she’s always practiced similar hobbies but now she’s all about making her friends custom teas ! n yea paris likes to claim that she’s also a witch. is extra but in a calm n collected way. serene at all times but unintentionally sardonic. not super bright but has plenty of advice for every problem. seems to enjoy oversharing and yet no one knows exactly whats the deal w her parents (criminals that have always been n remain in hiding, some people think they’re straight up pirates now) or anything serious in her life rlly . but u wanna know what russells burp smelt like last week ? she’s about to tell u.

SOFIA BLACK-D'ELIA, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER — have you met luma camille pontecorvo yet ? the twenty-three year old is known for being both optimistic and dexterous, but also very prevaricating and overindulged. born in quebec city, luma now lives in waltham forest, working in retail.  ah , another brat . she was left w her much older half brother n his wife when he mom dipped when she was fourteen n honestly they felt so bad n also had no idea how to handle her so they just . gave her everything she wanted without question. she had her mothers bad attitude n reckless habits tho n when she started getting her nieces n nephews in trouble once they were all in college together, her brother Politely kicked her out of their lives by offering to set her up anywhere she wanted “for the Experience”. she picked london n quickly got a job at a kingsley store n has been working there for a few yrs now. now also deals party drugs at clubs for the north family n she rlly lets that be the focus of her life, so she’s always showing up to her day job late n overtired. doesn’t ever really lie but rarely tells the whole truth. ig she would be fun to hang out with but she’s probably a fair bit cunty. doesn’t care about ur feelings, has very few of her own, just here for a meme. truthfully she’s angry abt everyone ditching her but it gets ugly whenever the topic comes up n dark!luma is an actual thing that makes an appearance.

MADCHEN AMICK, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER — have you met gwendolyn griet hathaway yet ? the forty-three year old is known for being both reverent and winsome, but also very acquisitive and ambivalent. born in las vegas, gwen now lives in richmond upon thames, managing a record label. also known as gwen nash. mother to gertrude bc we meme too hard. born in nevada, her own momther bailed early n then her father disappeared when she was fourteen (she’s always been sure he was murdered by a biker gang but no one believed her n kept saying he just ran off on her but ! the story comes up whenever she drinks still) n she ended up just getting a cleaning job in a motel n taking care of herself. eventually she met a nice older couple who sort of took her in. they were responsible for a lot of jazz artists n she stanned them hard ? sang for them for a short while n eventually married their son mostly bc she wanted to actually be part of the family yikes… anyway they had a Beautiful Daughter together obviously n eventually got control of the label n thats all they rlly share now post separation. tragic n twenty years later than everyone expected . anyway she’s lurkin about london, lookin for talent n trying to fix her relationship with gertrude (i’d hate my mom if she named me that too … no a fence) n just drinkin wine ig ! she’s very … impulsive and only ever thinks about herself in the moment but otherwise ? she can be kind n caring but Ya . her habit of just jumping into things for her own pleasure generally hurts other people so she’s a lot of strained relationships. still seems v standoffish mostly bc she’s Um . Scared Of Everything. literally does not matter how much shit she sees ? permanently spooked. lowkey cruel sense of humor but she just seems so gentle 95% of the time that when she makes a sick joke ur like Oh she doesn’t realize how bad that sounds ! hates memes.

LILY JAMES, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER — have you met helena therese o’shea yet ? the twenty-six year old is known for being both cultivated and strong-willed, but also very callous and tenacious. born in chicago, helena now lives in wandsworth, working at erstead’s and planning birthday parties. a tragedy. always had it in her head that she was better than everyone else (especially her brother ) but never fully committed to the brat act, like she never threw tantrums or asked for too much, v well mannered n proper but it’s always been obvious that she’s permanently disgusted by everyone except for herself. sometimes also disgusted by herself tho. will say something cringeworthy n just about put a hit on herself for it. was a v successful wedding planner for a while, her business took off rlly quick thanks to a few helpful connections. got engaged herself 3 years ago and cut off most of her family n all her old friends to start this new amazing life she always thought she deserved ? sike. after three years of putting off the wedding, she got dumped n came home to work @ erstead’s bc she’s like well if i’m gonna crash this hard i might as well hit rock bottom ! plans birthday parties for children occasionally. hates children. hates everything. fun ? never experienced that emotion. barely tries to make up with the people she wronged bc despite setting herself back 6 yrs, she still thinks she’s above everyone else. loves to complain. doesn’t really have much going for her honestly other than ? total commitment to whatever it is that’s happening in her life. obviously that’s not workin out for her rn ?

CHARLI XCX, CIS FEMALE, SHE/HER — have you met georgiana lalaine visariya yet ? the twenty-three year old is known for being both jocund and unfeigned, but also very vexatious and lowbrow. born in kiev, gia now lives in soho, being extra on youtube.  gia is honestly .. a headache. she was always a v creative person, ‘expressing herself’ n doin’ the most when literally no one asked ever. she started vlogging two years ago n got bored quickly so instead she decided to start her own (fake) reality series on youtube ? she handled everything by herself at first n reached out to hot local people who were popular on instagram n youtube to star in it WITH HER and only got a few people in on it but ? it took off. now she has a whole crew n writers n what not working on it with her (even tho most of the time she will take over every part of the production n handle it herself again) n it gets her good money (especially bc she’s shameless n stays making sure she’s a main in every single episode so she gets those instagram sponsors too) calls herself “““punk lauren conrad””” n is clearly too extra. a very very confident n loud person, super friendly, loves everyone n honestly u can try to drag her but that’s not gonna stop her running up to u in the street next time she sees u n telling you to drop whatever it is ur doing to go get cocktails with her. she’s so … genuine irl that you literally would not belieb how much of the show is scripted n thought up by her w that … interesting … imagination. will annoy u for content.

[softshouyous-archive]

ALL FOR THE BOTANICAL ASKS they aren't called flower asks get it right jeez falen

iS THIS HOW YOU SPEAK TO YOUR ELDERS (ง •̀_•́)ง

baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself withhmmm uhhhh i don’t know what counts buT1. pink but also black2. haikyuu3. the internet??? idk4. uhhhhhhh5. uHHHHbasically things i liKE????

bleeding heart: what makes you heart go mushy?my friends (including friends on here okay), block b (esp b bomb that cute ho), haikyuu, hxh, milk tea LOL, and people being kindbell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?walking in the rain and her, which are both by block b!!

evening primrose: what’s your sleeping playlist (give me 5 songs)?i don’t have one!!!forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog who isn’t following you?hmmm i think all of my favorite blogs follow me?? surprisingly LOL oH NO LOL oohh a hxh artist /banakiri! their art is so beautiful and cute i crydaffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?not a plant but more like a flower!! okay call me trash but cherry blossoMScalla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?sunny!!!foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?pINK!!! specifically pastel pink!!!lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?uhhh i don’t know???love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember?yo i haven’t beeen able to remember my dreams for days but i had a dream last night where i was at some library??? that i’ve never been to and i saw two guys that i used to go to school with and we were talking but i don’t remem what we were talking about but it was just weird idk daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?-cotton candy: i don’t really have cotton candy (i can’t even remmeber the last time i had it LOL) but probably the pink one???-ice cream: haagen daz coffee!!!-juice: i don’t really have juice!!painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?none?? LOL tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?ooohhh i lOVE eyeliner soosoososo much!!! i’m probably more of a natural makeup kind of person!!waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?butterfly, the white ones specifically!! and dude please i love dogs okay i would die for all of themsugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?hmmm not really??? i think i kinDA used to be, but not anymore?? but my favorite sweets are probably macarons and mochi ice cream!!!sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?a fairy??sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other?you know what i’ve thought about this before, but i don’t know??? i feel like we’d probably come up with one, but i feel weird using the names ‘babe, baby, honey’ etc like you think i’d be weak for that but i am actually not o:sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?nope nope nope i’d die windflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why i like themhnnGGHHHH TIME FOR EMBARRASSMENT:1. chicken fetus ( ((((((: ): they are a loser and vvv funny and their content is 10/10/10/10 and they probably think i am a stalker but i just really like their blog like good anime shit and vvv funny i love them and care about them so much and will fight anyone who doesn’t appreciate them okay shhh don’t tell them pls2. sh izuos: listen. LISTEN. i hope they don’t read this bc they follow me but i found their writing through another author on fanfiction. net when i was like. 12 and i read allll their naruto fics and i loved them they were soososo funny and i followed their works closely ever since and then like. 3 years later i saw that they had a tumblr and they were starting up a writing blog and i immEDIATELY followed them and along with fics they posted personal posts and i was able to learn more about them and they’re so funny and nice and friendly and i love and admire them so much (((((’’’’:3. wo cjiho: they’re a newish bloc k b blog and they make really nice gifs super often and they use hearts or other emojis as captions and it’s really cute and they’re really mysterious to me but they’re super sweet i cry 4. i’m litearally blanking wow oohh minim insu: we just recently became mutuals like i think i’d seen them around before bc they’re a gif maker and i’d admired them a bit but there was thise one post that someone reblogged saying to vote for an under rated group and i feel so bad when i see that groups have to depend of voting to make it so i was like okay i’ll try to remem to vote until the last day but i also saw that the op was willing to make gifs for whoever who voted so basically we became mutuals bc i ended up softly begging for a moodboard of my fave it was so embarrassing they’re too sweet and really funny and pure but they make fun of my typos (ง •̀_•́)ง5. bee b e e cee: a bloc k b blog who often replies to my dumb posts i really admire them from afar they’re so so sweet and also really funny and idk i just really like them they’re super cool and sweetgolden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?i don’t do either (rip) but i think i’d be more of a baker!!bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children?pls don’t be mean to other people, and try not to care about people’s opinions if they’re not trying to help you, but are just trying to bring you downpeony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?uuhhhhh two things that i can think of right now: i wish my parents put my brother and i in more extracirricular programs/activities and encouraged us more academically, and i wish they didn’t talk so much trash about each other to us when we were younger??? bc i don’t know if it ended up affecting us somehow, but i think it’s really uncool when parents talking about each other to their children bc like... children are so young and small and sometimes easily believe the things they hear. so when you feed negative info about their parents to them, they might believe it and it’s just like??? and like conflicting thoughts??? idk it’s Dumb prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?nope nope september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person?sunshine!!! i like the morning because the sun feels really light bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early?hnnGGHHH I TRY TO SLEEP EARLY but i usually end up sleeping at around 11-1 lATEST!! and if it’s a school day, i wake up around 7:30-8, but if it’s not, probably around 9-11!!marigold: what’s your favorite tea?jasmine milk green tea/jasmine green tea!!peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets?i don’t have any))): and i actually don’t know what i would name them LOL  you know what probably after haikyuu and hxh characters oOPShyacinth: do you name your plants?yes!!! i have an orchid named hinata LOLlilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends?hang out with my friends!!!poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is?i usually eat them as they are!! but if i dip them it’s in sweet chili sauce!!dandelion: any special talent that you have?????????????????????

THANK YOU MOONSHINE I LOVE YOU KISS KISS

[wishingfornever]

1/20/2018 – No Contact:  The Final Anniversary

I met Esther in person.  One year ago today.  Knew her for longer but today was when we met in person.

I saw someone at work who looked like her.  She had a smaller nose and stronger chin, of course, but I couldn’t look her in the eye.  I controlled myself quite well.

Apart from that… today wasn’t that bad.  I didn’t shower today.  I should have, but I didn’t.  I got wrapped up in a stream.  Edberg. He was doing Domina or something?  Gladiator game reliant on streamers.  I just wanted to be a dick but I ended up getting randomly selected as a gladiator.  The gladiator was randomly selected by the game which had a bot in the stream.  I was “Screen Name of Armorica.”  That’s basically the old Gallic land in modern day Brittany, a region in France.  I won’t reveal my screen name, of course.  Tough luck, you had to have been there.

That said, I stopped trolling.  I got into it.  Not that I got into watching the game with bated breath but I got into my character.  I roleplayed as a Gaul.  I did really well.  I don’t know much about Gallic culture, I’ll admit, so I talked about forests and druids a lot.  I used my own experiences of changing environments but altered them slightly.  Referred to being conquered and how I wanted to return to my village to my tribe and to my people.  I connected with other Gauls and I constantly insulted the “civilized” folk of Rome.

I thought I’d die doing something stupid so I came up with this dream on the spot of this eagle with wings so long that they are beyond the hills and mountains.  The eagle had a human head with no eyes yet cried blood.  I told people that in the dream it swooped down and plucked me from the earth, it’s talons piercing my flesh.  I knew I would die so I would bring honor to my ancestors who watched me in chains.

I was super poetic.  Everything I said was done on the spot.  Good stuff.

Best part, OTHER people started to get into it.  I loved it.  I love seeing people start writing.  I can be a voyeur when it comes to writing, so long as they’re encouraged.  I was in awe.

However, I think the highlight of my gladiatorial career was when Edberg selected me to race his chariot.  Of course, he never spoke to me directly.  SovietWomble has.  A lot, really, considering he consistently gets at least 5k people per stream.  Other members of their group acknowledge me a lot as well.  Not Edberg, but he didn’t have to.  I’m not trying to get noticed by the streamer.  I find my joy interacting with the chat box.  A lot of friendly people in Edberg’s stream, too.

Anyways, I’m a shitty charioteer.  I crashed my chariot directly into a wall and other chariots crashed into my chariot.  I got out of the chariot and killed the surviving charioteers with a two-handed sword I happened to have had.  Told chat, “This chariot thing is easy!” and cracked some jokes.  Not the intent of my character to be funny, but christ.  It was really neat.

When I crashed, the game broke and my character flew around the arena like a DBZ character.  I could almost hear the PICHOO sound affect where they vanish and reappear.  My guy was an awesome fighter.  Maybe not the best, but still really good.  Never got his freedom, though.

Honestly, that set the entire mood for my day.  From my awesome gladiator, I almost forgot about Esther and me.  Except for that girl.  She was tall, white, and nerdy.  Just like Esther.  Except taller than Esther, really.  But Esther has nice long legs.  She’s cute. Dennis is lucky to have her.

It’s actually tomorrow.  I’m sad about Esther, don’t get me wrong, but I have no one to tell it to right now.  Ariel will tell me to let it go, which I will inevitably do.  Eleanor isn’t ready to help others because she’s going through her own problems.  I can’t tell Dennis because Dennis.  Jeremiah is offline and I’m not that desperate to speak to Shane.  So, yeah.  It’s my burden.  Why I’m not posting this as 1/21 for whatever reason.

Eleanor deleted her photo.  I think I said that already.  She is getting pestered by a bunch of guys because she’s “single” now.  I told her to tell Cammy that they’re on break because she said she still cares for him but she also hates him?  She’s over emotional right now.

I discovered what happened.  Apparently she has this thing that makes her more irritable when she’s on her period.  Like, cries and cries.  Super PMS.  Not nice.  She and I both suspect it makes her depression, which is somewhat manageable and something she’s not really confessed to having, more powerful.  I told her to reflect a bit.  See what may have caused it in the past.

I’m trying to be there for her.  Trying to be what I needed for myself for so long.  I think it’s easier knowing what I wanted to hear.  I just worry if it’s what she wanted to hear.  Or, rather, what she needs to hear.  Life isn’t easy.  Esther said she thinks everyone needs a therapist.  She’s right.

On the way to work (I was late and took my cousin’s car because reasons) I saw my female manager (who I’d pursue if she didn’t already have a significant other).  She seemed… really depressed. Never got to text her.  I hope she’s alright.  I’ll text her before I go to bed.

Oof.  I’m talking to all these women.  Most of them, yes, I would sleep with but I’m not trying to sleep with… most of them?  Yeah, most of them are off the table right now.  Eleanor made it clear I’m friendzoned which is fine and if I message my manager it’d just to check on her well-being.  I do legitimately care.

If I don’t message her now, I won’t message her ever.  D’oh… brb

Sent. I’m going to watch a video and head to bed.  Before I do, I downloaded a game.  Counter-Strike.  I promised she’d play with me in it so I’m making an exception.  I don’t have headphones though…  Drat.

Anyways, talk to you more tomorrow.  Good night.

Whoa. Ended up googling Domina and I was lead to a Dominatrix in houston. She looked a lot like Esther, actually.  More, her body does.  Well, sort of.  It reminded me of Esther.  The way this woman spoke… it was impressive.  I reached out to contact her.  Surely, she’ll be angry at me but I wanted to flatter her.  She charges a lot for a session.  I saw the prices.  I’m not sure if I’ll ever afford her but I’m confused.  I don’t think sex happens with her.  If it does, I’m not paying for the sex.  Just to be beaten, I guess?  Not sure.  If I paid her for sex, she’d be a prostitute which is illegal.  So, I’m very curious.

She’s a sex worker, of course.  Sort of like Esther but more organized. Probably makes more, as well.  Again, I’m fascinated by how she spoke.  It was somewhat… poetic.  That appealed to me.  <3

[todokori-kun]

(remember how I kept mentioning that my computer has been weird?

 It finally just broke down and I feel like I’ll have to wait a couple of days for it to be ok again…currently using dad’s computer that he never uses, but since the keyboard on this one is a bit wonky there may be more typos than I usually make. Sorry OTL)

It’s quite the heartwarming moment. Look at how happy Draco looks

She was PUNCHING her stomach??? Idk how I missed that when I was reading the chapter, gotta go reread it now…but why, Touka. Why would you do that.

I’d much prefer an Uta/Touka child tho. Kaneki's kid might not be able to escape being involved in a tragedy, but any child of Uta’s is destined to be the one writing that tragedy. At least they’d be safe(ish).

Ugh I’m imagining Eto passing on the title of OEK to the Touken kid as she’s dying like

“If I say goodbye, this world will learn to move on. Our legacy outlives me when I’m gone…”

Ok, but wait. What if. Uncle Hide meets Eto and the child at the airport and drives them to their new home, where a tall man with a serious face, white hair and a pink flower-patterned shirt is waiting for them…

“Who’s that, Auntie Eto?”

“That’s your grandfather, sweetheart.”

(No idea whether I should smile or sob over those Hide gifs)

My sister is the girl who claims that she’s the queen of Korea.

“Sweetheart, Korea already has a president.”

“Then I’m the queen of England.”

“You’re not from England though…”

“I can speak English!”

(five year old logic. This is an actual conversation we had once. She’s also read a bit of Black Butler’s more kid-friendly arcs with me (I’ve altered canon to make her believe that Sebastian is like Ciel’s fairy godfather or something lol)…and is convinced that whenever those pictures of Sebastian pulling off his glove with his teeth pop up he’s actually eating his glove.)

Well, as you can probably tell I’m still a masochist/sadist when it comes to characters and stories XD

And since I sent Naomi and Louisa, I hope you liked them! :) Louisa’s still in development so there might have been too little info, sorry about that ^^;;

Yeah, you’re right, it’s pretty op. However, I was actually trying to make her a bit op, if that makes sense? I thought it might be good to make her naturally a super powerful ghoul so that it would really show how much she’s holding herself back.

(You might have noticed that I ended up scrapping the kakuja anyway though ^^;; Naomi and Tatsuo are both old OCs I decided to remake and I couldn’t remember the backstory behind how she got her it. I didn’t really want to make a new explanation so yeah, no kakuja XD)

Honestly, my personal opinion on OCs is that being super powerful is fine as long as you can have it make sense (example: if you have an AoT OC making them a really strong soldier is fine, especially if they’re a new member of the MP or a Survey Corps veteran. However, you cannot make them as strong as/stronger than Levi and Mikasa unless they are a dead member of the Ackerman clan, and having them on the same level as the Titan trio is also pushing it unless they were also trained to be warriors/potential titan shifters). Angst is fine too as long as it fits (dead parents and a violent childhood spent alone on the streets is the average backstory for a ghoul in the TG universe, but not for a skater from YoI) and you know how to pull it off. I mean, Kaneki’s story is basically 99.9% tragedy but Ishida nailed it. I think it depends on the writer’s skill level and understanding of the character.

And I definitely did not have the required skill level/understanding when I created that Catwoman OC lol

It seems we’ve both improved a lot since those dark times though, so that’s great! :D (still, sometimes I’m not quite sure if I’m doing it right haha…but from what you’ve shown me you’re being a queen again. How do you do it. Please teach me your ways).

I can relate to that…I make OCs just because I like developing them. The only ones who ever actually get used are the characters for my original stories (like Louisa) ^^;;

Well, I did imagine some of his role in TG canon and I planned for him to die in Re…probably because of Naomi, because he has a very strong sense of self-preservation until his baby sister gets involved.

It is a perfect gif. And yes, that’s usually what happens when I try to explain my fandoms to my parents/acquaintances. (Aot is especially awkward because in the Korean version titans are just called ‘giants’, and whenever I talk about it with other people not in the fandom I can just FEEL that they’re imagining fully-dressed fairytale giants like the one in Jack and the Beanstalk lol)

You’ll probably have to use it again soon because I’m working on that Kaneki/reader Heathers AU ;)

Btw, Shuu/Kaneki song list that I just thought of (you probably know a lot of the songs on here too, but I just felt this weird need to show it to you. It’s mostly from Shuu’s POV):

Part 1

Blank Space- Taylor Swift

Irresistible- Fall Out Boy

Kiss with a Fist- Florence + The Machine

Fire meet Gasoline- Sia

Love the way you lie- Skylar Grey

I don’t wanna live forever- ZAYN & Taylor Swift

Part 2:

Dark Paradise- Lana Del Rey

Ultraviolence- Lana Del Rey

Jet pack blues- Fall Out Boy

Breath of Life- Florence + The Machine

Colors- Halsey

Before I say anything. THE NEW BLACK BUTLER CHAPTER IS OUT I AM DECEASED. IT HAPPENED HOLY SHIT IT HAPPENED I WANNA SCREAM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Okay enough yelling. But damn, I am McFricking emotional right now, because damn, it was expected but unexpected and holy shit I can not calm myself down because  w h a t  t h e  h e l l  Idk if you’ve read it (sorry if you didn’t, this probably doesn’t make any sense ^^;;) I just. Wow. woow. I wanna put the panels here, but if I do, it’s a spoiler and I don’t wanna spoil it for you. When you do read it, please come scream with me.

Aw, that’s a shame :/ Hopefully it gets fixed soon!

The joy on his face is unmistakeable. Just look at it

No, no, I’m not sure if she was punching it, I just said that it’d be bad if she did punch it, since she had punched her stomach in the anime when her friend delivered that food. Also, in the school’s bathroom stall.

Uta/Touka child would be the ultimate troll. Damn, now I’m wishing it’s their child as well :P

That would be sad, but completely honestly, Eto’s death wouldn’t phase me all that much.

And now you’ve melted my heart to the end. Congrats on not breaking it for once :)))

I like your sis hahah Give her the newest chapter of BB and we’ll see how she reacts *sadistic grinning* Bassy eating his gloves certainly is an interesting thought, though.

I like both of them ^^ I definitely want to hear more about Louisa, though

It seems we have different views on OCs here ^^;; Honestly, op characters haven’t been my favourite after I finished my phase of making them hahaha How I see it, having an all powerful characters erases a lot of great opportunities for character development and sometimes even makes the plot pointless, since they could solve it at any time, by themselves. Not to mention it can make them very unoriginal. This is especially present in my views of AoT OCs. Most of them are either Titan Shifters (which is also canonically impossible considering the recent chapters, unless you add a new titan type (also pushing it)) or as strong as/stronger than Levi, which makes them all bland and hard to distinguish between. Why not make a character strong in their own way? Instead of being an expert with blades (just like Levi), why not have them be someone extremely skilled with 3DMG, so they can serve as distraction for titans until others finish it off? Sure, that doesn’t mean the character will have a ton of solo kills (which is something OC creators seem to value a lot), but it still makes them important to the team. Also, one of my biggest problems with those OCs: they all join the Survey Corps (despite being in top 10 (also pretty much a requirement for OCs)) and are extremely brave and yadayadayada Let’s be honest, if we were in that world and managed to get top 10, chances are we’d join the MP. Or at least the Garrison. 

As for angst, I’m fine with an angsty backstory, as long as it doesn’t go too far. Sure, kill the parents and have them wander on the streets, but for fucks sake, if you do that, there’s no reason for the character to be molested, experimented on by a cult, have a best friend who dies purely for the plot and then make the see the undead or something, so they are more Edgy™

Whoops, that turned out quite long ^^;;; This is just my personal opinion, though.

Well, when making my newer OCs, I try to focus on character flaws. What makes them human? What would break them? Why do they have powers, yet aren’t able to defeat everything with a single kick (ONE PUUUUNCH)? I guess making 'flawless’ characters in the past made me take the opposite approach today :p

Well, Titans do look ridiculous. I mean,

Not fairy tale material, but enough for the whole fandom to make fun of them.

Oh my, am I going to get my feelings destroyed again?

Actually, I don’t know a few of the songs ^^;;; I’ll go listen to them now ^^