#they’re just letting Clement do crimes at this point

[zinabug]

Huevember day four, and part one of a matched set! Juno from @grubbbby ‘s dnd campaign. Sorry for doing crime when your one job was to stop Clement from doing that.

John, their best friend, is here!

[ID: a digital line drawing in white and golden yellow. It is of a middle aged half-elf in plate armour with their hair in a bun and round glasses. Their bun is braided across her forehead. They are holding a sword in one hand and shield in the other and are frowning, looking towards the viewer but facing left. Both her shield and breastplate are decorated with a simplistic sun. They are surrounded by an outline with rays leading off of it.]

[thecomedybureau]

The 100 Best Things in Comedy We Were Witness to In No Particular Order of 2019

OK, 2019′s officially over and we’ve wrangled our 100 truly favorite things in and around comedy (and it really spans all of comedy) that are not ranked whatsoever. It’s just like the title says and, it’s, as it is every year, quite long, so we won’t waste any more time with this intro. 

Oh, in case you forgot and/or curious and/or need a quick refresher, here’s our 2018 list. 

1. Rory Scovel Live Without Fear-This documentary follows Rory Scovel and his journey through six nights of completely improvised hour sets. In a single word, it’s inspiring. You see the way Scovel truly connects the audience and keeps it that way through his indelible charm and endless curiosity. The near unbelievable story of the Relapse Theater in Atlanta is also beautifully threaded in the doc as well. The clips of the improvised performances capture the magic that stand-up comedy can be that’s absent from the majority of comedy specials. You should be required to see this whenever and wherever it comes if you have any level of interest in comedy at all. 

2. Naomi Ekperigin-From her own stand-up, to her podcast with husband Andy Beckerman, Couples Therapy, and her writing across TV, and everything else she does, Naomi is such an thoroughly commanding, yet delightful presence that we love seeing every time anywhere (and she should already be way bigger of a star already).

3. Cait Raft’s Presentation on “Bradley Cooper’s a Star Is Born Takes Place in an Alternate Reality Where 9/11 Never Happened”-Witnessing the imagination of Cait Raft up close was a privilege for us. This amazing dissection of the zeitgeist left us in stitches and with our mouth agape for how thoroughly it proved its point.

4. Corporate Season 2-The second season of the ultra dark workplace comedy delivered once again on its hysterical nihilistic satire that’s so prescient, yet still so unbelievably funny.

5. Mom-Prov Presents Family Therapy-Improviser Izzy Roland was daring enough to have her mom and her grandmother, both of whom are also in showbiz, to join her on stage for one of the most madcap, fourth wall-breaking, entertaining improv shows we’ve seen all throughout 2019.

6. Jena Friedman-So, this year, Jena delivered yet again with her subtle delivery and calm demeanor that hides her absolutely killer jokes. The follow-up to her Adult Swim special, Soft Focus, upped the ante with an interview of a gun-toting John McAffee and her brilliant Conan set about everyone’s true crime obsession.

7. Brendon Walsh’s Afternoon Delight-This last year, Brendon Walsh let everyone know that he was and still is one of the best at pulling prank calls, which is so much harder now than it was even ten years ago. This live show actually has Brendon place live prank calls in between stand-ups and the ride you go on is absolutely thrilling.

8. Jacqueline Novak’s Get on Your Knees-Novak’s solo show has more than earned its spot as an Off-Broadway show with bringing such an exquisite, almost never before seen comedic sensibility to the topic of blow jobs.

9. #F*ckF*ckJerry-Props to Vulture Senior Editor Megh Wright for sparking the fire to take out the egregious social media accounts of F*ck Jerry that just lifted jokes from comedians all across the Internet without pay or attribution.

10. Lorelei Ramirez-We’ve known distantly about Lorelei Ramirez for so many years, but seeing them up close was a breathtaking experience that had us laughing so hard. Their artistry in comedy that gracefully borders on performance art and even horror is absolutely inspiring.

11. Aaron Urist-Denver’s Aaron Urist is such a killer joke writer and joke teller and has been for years. We just were reminded about that with his burning bush joke during his latest LA trip.

12. Booksmart-Olivia Wilde’s directorial debut was not only a reinvigorated take on movies that specifically hone in on the end of high school, but also had a sincerely hopeful vision of the future generation. We hope that Booksmart finds its way to the top of the coming-of-age comedy films pantheon.

13. Rachel Mac on Lights Out-One of the highlights of Lights Out with David Spade is how unfiltered and raunchy they let comics get during their sets on the show. Rachel Mac took that amount of comedic license and thrived in getting into the nitty gritty about her last teaching job.

14. What We Do In The Shadows-The FX TV adaptation of the seminal Taika Waititi and Jemaine Clement film in 2014 exceedingly succeeds in nailing the comedy of minutia in the world of the undead that also happens to be in a (somewhat) grounded reality.

15. PEN15-Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle’s vision of 2000 and their performances as teens were so spot on that PEN15 would deserve acclaim just for that. However, the heart of this show made its humor stand out in an ever crowded field of coming-of-age comedy.

16. Tiffany Haddish’s Black Mitzvah-A lot has happened for Tiffany Haddish since her last special (she’s a legit A-list celebrity now), but it’s clear that she is still her unapologetically positively, life loving self. This special is evidence of that, especially with her bit about her New Year’s show that she got undeserved flack for.

17. Straw Men-Lindsay Adams, Danny Palumbo, and Sam Wiles (and producer Kimmie Lucas) put on what is our favorite imagining of a comedic debate that we’ve seen thus far. The encouragement to make the most ridiculous, baseless arguments and being transparent about the whole thing is a golden goose of comedy.

18. The ending of Gloria Bell-Well, we can’t very well give away the ending to this English language dramedy remake from Sebastián Lelio that has Julianne Moore shine as bright as she has ever shone before, but just know that we stood out of our seats, applauding what she did to John Turturro right at the end.

19. I Think You Should Leave-Tim Robinson’s unflinchingly absurd sketch series unequivocally has many of the best sketches of 2019. The hot dog costume and Mexican restaurant sketches will have us busting up through, very likely, the next decade.

20. Les Miz and Friends-Bonkers (and we mean that in the best way possible) doesn’t begin to describe how wild this meta and great this puppet and human hybrid take on the theater institution of Les Miserables. The sheer cleverness on every level is awe-inspiring. 

21. Dave Ross’ The Only Man Who Has Ever Had Sex-Ross has been a longtime favorite of ours for the contrasting bounciness and darkness of his comedy. His debut album captures this dichotomy perfectly.

22. Nikki Glaser: Bangin’-Nikki Glaser’s first Netflix hour special started off with a bang, pun intended. Her frank, but heartfelt exploration of all facets of sex is so damn funny that Glaser gets away with being as blue as she wants.  

23. Super Dating Simulator-This live, interactive version of various Japanese video game dating simulators is one of the more innovative and surprisingly charming things we saw this year. Creator Sam Weller did a bang-up job not only making a video game work as a stage show, but doing so with a very off-beat sub-genre of video games

24. Emmy Blotnick’s Party Nights-Blotnick’s latest album shows Emmy at the peak of her delightful observational powers. The concept of a “Self-Potato” is just priceless.

25. Tammercise!-Folks in comedy are getting all sorts of clever these days to redefine traditional formats and disciplines and push the art form forward. Madeline Wager does this exquisitely with a solo show of a woman unraveling that doubles as legit aerobics class.

26. The Cherry Orchard w/Chad Damiani and Jet Eveleth-Damiani and Eveleth explore a new angle on postmodern clowning by supposedly doing a Chekov play going through dress rehearsal without any of the players knowing what they’re supposed to do. The back and forth between the live direction and the tomfoolery on stage is truly hysterical.

27. Bake Stuff with Lindsay LIVE-It’s about time for a comedic cooking show that actually does teach you a wonderful recipe and also explores and resolves(?) childhood trauma. Lindsay Adams’ Bake Stuff with Lindsay, which we indeed saw live, accomplishes all of that and inspires all those watching to cook through their feelings.

28. Shalewa Sharpe’s So, You Just Out Here?-Shalewa imbues homespun wisdom with marvelously colorful descriptions all throughout this very satisfying album.

29. The Amazing Johnathan Documentary from Ben Berman-The Amazing Johnathan’s life story is pretty captivating as is. The story about Ben Berman trying to tell his story amidst several other people trying to tell his story is absolutely engrossing and is somehow all true.

30. Julio Torres’ HBO special “My Favorite Shapes”-Torres’ special is simultaneously one of the most daring and silly hour specials in recent memory and his elevation of prop comedy to a whole new level is to be commended.

31. The Underculture with James Adomian-James Adomian has been one of comedy podcasts’ most in-demand and bright shining stars. It comes as no surprise that his own podcast that revs up all his characters has some of the best, most dynamic, absurdist interviews in political and pop culture satire. 

32. Daniel Van Kirk’s Thanks Diane/Together Tour-Van Kirk’s first, complete hour that he both toured with and released as an album is so impressive with how deftly Dan manages a balance of sincerity and mischief from wire-to-wire.

33. Conan in Greenland-Conan marvelously turns his travel specials series Conan Without Borders on its head by attempting to buy Greenland based off of Trump’s stupid tweets.

34. Mary Beth Barone’s Drag His Ass: A F*ckboy Treatment Program-Mary Beth Barone’s live show exploration into her dating life is illuminating and hilarious throughout, but the actual interview that she does live with a “f*ckboy” is transcendent.

35. Obvious Plant’s Carnival of Toys-Jeff Wysaski AKA Obvious Plant really outdid himself this year in his quest to permeate everyday reality with a satirical twist. He not only made a whole line of custom toy figures that satirize pop culture on so many levels, but opened up a whole pop-up museum for several days to exhibit them in all of their bizarre glory.

36. Sports Without Equipment with Coach Keith Alejo-This Dress Up Gang sketch is one of those ideas that are simple, yet so out-of-left-field. Literally, they take sports without equipment to its funniest conclusion.

37. #Squatmelt-Howard Kremer’s desire to keep the spirit of The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail alive has evolved into its own very special thing in the form of a DIY stand-up comedy show/walking tour that periodically migrates around LA.

38. Catch-22-Trying to adapt such a monumental literary work like Catch-22 is almost a fool’s errand, but writers Luke Davies and David Michôd do a smash-up job for not only bringing Heller’s immortal words to life, but also sticking the landing for all the darkly absurdly comical moments that run rampant throughout the story.

39. Get Rich Nick-Even if they didn’t have the fantastic banter, riffs, and asides from the very funny duo of Nick Turner and Nick Vatterott, this podcast that explores how to make money real quick is one of the best new podcasts of the whole year. Fortunately, Nick and Nick’s humor runs rampant through every episode and makes Get Rich Nick engrossing and makes you actually laugh out loud.

40. MK Paulsen-The comedy of MK Paulsen can be faster than a bullet, but as satisfyingly silly as a gun that shoots a flag with the word ‘bang’ on it. Every time we see him do stand-up, it’s a fun, rollicking ride that’s equal parts offbeat whimsy, clever wordplay, and an agile sense of timing and play.

41. Father Figurine by Matt Kazman-The dour faces of the family in this dark comedy short play to the highest comedic effect perfectly. A dead patriarch and an apathetic family make for some of the best dry humor in 2019.

42. Funk Shuffle-Danny Cymbal, Dennis Curlett, and Michael Gardner comprise Funk Shuffle, an improv group that manages fly freer and more untethered than almost any other improv group that we’ve ever seen. They make their defiance and experimentation with improv forms really work due to the trio’s unflinchingly playful spirit.

43. Gary Gulman’s The Great Depresh-Gulman, as one of comedy’s premier craftsman, of course, delivers an hour of stellar comedy with this special. He also manages, this time around, to destigmatize depression and, in general, be hopeful. That particular comedy trifecta is such an impressive feat that very few can accomplish.

44. Greener Grass-The scope and ambition of Jocelyn DeBoer and Dawn Luebbe’s directorial debut hints at some really special things to come from them in the future. Their absolutely demented, pastel drenched absurdist vision was a shocking delight through and through.

45. Jenny Slate’s Stage Fright-Slate’s best comedic strength is her unshakeable vulnerability. This hour special lets Jenny present that trait as intimately as she has ever presented it and gives an in-depth look as to where that hilarious vulnerability comes from. 

46. Heather Anne Campbell swatting a baby out of someone’s hands in an improv scene-At this point, it should come as no surprise that Heather Anne Campbell is one of our absolute all-time favorite people in comedy and thus, she kind of just ends up making it on this list annually on her own someway, somehow. This year, during a performance of her improv group, Heather and Company, we laughed as hard as we’ve ever laughed at Drew DiFonzo Marks initiating a scene by rocking a baby back and forth and then, Heather insanely swatted it out of his hands and stomped on it. It sounds ludicrous, but trust that Heather made that so unbelievably funny. 

47. Adam Cayton-Holland’s Happy Place-Cayton-Holland’s live solo show based on his critically acclaimed book of the same name pulls off oscillating between cleverly wrought and self-aware comedy and some of the most heartbreaking stories you’ll ever hear about his late sister. Holland’s focus and calm make it all miraculously blend together.

48. The Authorized Unauthorized My Favorite Murder Musical-In the world of unauthorized musicals about things that you wouldn’t really think about being adapted into unauthorized musicals (it’s a bigger ever-burgeoning world every month it seems), the staged reading of this My Favorite Murder-inspired musical that we saw was phenomenal. The full stage production to come in 2020 will undoubtedly be something really great. 

49. Pedro Gonzalez-Pedro’s jokes are so expertly written and crafted that you forget that he immigrated to America as a teenager from Colombia and learned English as a second language.

50. Garry Starr Performs Everything-UK comedian Garry Starr’s solo show is a genius send-up and celebration of theater as a whole. The physicality and the sheer madness of the whole show are so thoroughly hysterical.

51. Kira Soltanovich-We just want to take a moment to appreciate the agility of the comedy of Kira Soltanovich. Not only does Kira play any room or any show as far as we’ve seen, but her drive is just unstoppable (see ep. of The Honey Dew).

52. Mike Birbiglia’s The New One-Though it seems almost too routine that Birbiglia comes out with a new hour special that garners tons of acclaim for its ornate and complex and, ultimately, very satisfying tapestry of stories, Birbiglia delivers exactly once again with one such solo show/special on fatherhood.

53. Michelle Buteau-We saw Michelle headline just a few months ago at Dynasty Typewriter and were reminded of just how good Buteau is. She combines being heartfelt, having a fun bit of attitude, and an absolute command of the stage in such a beautiful way.

54. Gareth Reynolds’ Riddled with Disease-Many folks know how great Gareth is from his madcap riffing on The Dollop, but Reynolds shows he is fantastic with a sharp, hilarious, yet still fast-and-loose-feeling hour.

55. Sara Schaefer’s LIVE LAUGH LOVE-Sara, above most folks working in comedy today, goes to great lengths to be considerate, inclusive, and vulnerable in her comedy and it’s so, so wonderful because of that. This album is yet another great example of that mix.

56. Sean Patton’s Scuttlebutt-Sean Patton’s latest album is a fantastic note to any and all that Sean is, hands down, one of the best comedians ever to spin a yarn (and also share some damn fine true stories) and deserves way more accolade and attention for that now and going forward. 

57. Matt Rogers’ Have You Heard of Christmas?-Rogers had quite a 2019 in putting culture on notice, but his queer and subversive holiday musical extravaganza might be one of the best pieces of holiday themed comedy of all time.

58. The Chris Gethard Show with Robby Hoffman-Not only does Robby Hoffman keep the punk rock, conventions-be-damned spirit of TCGS alive, but she makes it so much her own and lets her hilarious, domineering persona transform the show into another very special, unique round of controlled chaos.

59. The taping of Eddie Pepitone’s latest special-Eddie’s sound and fury and his irreverent stream-of-consciousness-seeming comedy were flawless in this latest hour. Everyone in attendance, including ourselves, were in stitches for the whole taping. Props to director Steven Feinartz for one of our favorite looks of a special that we saw last year (which you’ll all get to see soon in 2020).

60. Eric Dadourian’s closer on Nebraska 2-Dadourian is always all in for the sake of a real bold, imaginative bit and, as such, pulled off one of our favorite closers of the year on his very first full length album.

61. Jessica Kirson: Talking to Myself-Kirson’s hour special on Comedy Central really let Jessica cut loose and let her showcase her stand-up expertise. From the way that Kirson contorts her face to her deep well of voices/characters to razor-sharp quick wit to, of course, her signature asides to herself, Jessica really kills it in this hour. 

62. Brody Stevens-Long live the “jock doing performance art” comedy (one of our favorite descriptions of Brody’s comedy by his dear friend Zach Galifianakis) and may he rest in peace. Yeeeees! Enjoy It!

63. Byron Bowers on Colbert-Byron Bowers and his clever, yet sincere, dark, vulnerable comedy put up one of our favorite late night sets this year. From the opening to his frank jokes about his dad make us think that it’s just a little crazy that this is his network TV debut.

64. Desus and Mero on Showtime-With the upgrade of being on Showtime, Desus Nice and The Kid Mero are having the most fun in late night with the freshest voices and format (and they’re able to pull that off with only being twice a week).

65. Fleabag Season 2-creator and star Phoebe Waller-Bridge assuredly has more masterpieces ahead of her, but managing to top herself from one masterpiece season of dark romantic dramedy with another one is something that deserves all the accolades and awards that it has gotten.

66. Kenny DeForest on Corden-Kenny dismantles toxic masculinity so incisively through the whole set that he most certainly earns all the applause breaks he gets the whole way through.

67. Josh Gondelman’s Dancing on a Weeknight-Gondelman is often thought of as one of the best, sweetest people in comedy. This latest album, for all of its being clever and genuine, is proof that he indeed really is that sweet and funny.

68. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 3-The perennial prestige comedy from Amy Sherman-Palladino earns its keep by having some of the best writing (it’s almost impossible to write jokes that are contextualized for the 50s/60s and make them actually funny for 2019 audiences) and also being one of the most gorgeous looking shows in all of television.

69. Nick Ciarelli and Brad Evans-Whether it be pulling pranks on Twitter, their plethora of hysterical sketches doing an impression of Jack FM on shows around town, or their monthly live sketch character showcase Atlantic City, Nick and Brad are a damn fine comedy duo and have been for quite some time. 

70. Caitlin Gill’s Major-It’s quite the magic trick to make an hour of comedy that’s entirely clean and have it being clean not be a thought that you’re thinking about at all when listening or watching it. Caitlin Gill spectacularly does just that with this album as Gill can make all of her earnest rants, imagery, and observations work in any way that she needs to.  

71. 97.9 The Rat Race-Ben Roy’s satirical reimagining of a morning radio “zoo crew” is so spot on, then gets real twisted to make this one of the most surprising and rewarding podcasts of 2019.

72. Mike Lane’s Picture Frames-This short film from Lane heightens the idea of remembering those you love after they’ve left this mortal coil to such a ridiculous level every step of the way (and is more and more enjoyably unpredictable the further it goes).

73. Paige Weldon on Corden-Paige’s upbeat self-deprecation is just hard to resist and it makes the best impression in this late night set on The Late Late Show with James Corden.

74. The Righteous Gemstones-Danny McBride’s latest HBO series that darkly and comically dissects the South might be his most ambitious yet, but, of course, he nails it. The constant suspense perpetuated by hysterically tragic characters in the world of televangelists is profound.

75. My Friend Chuck-Comedic erotica author Chuck Tingle (one of the absolutely most unique voices and cadences we’ve heard in awhile) and friend McKenzie Goodwin celebrate their friendship every week for a podcast that’s preposterously funny and, also, more heartwarming than almost anything we’ve heard or seen. 

76. Joey Clift’s Telling People You’re Native American When You’re Not Native Is a Lot Like Telling a Bear You’re a Bear When You’re Not a Bear-Clift makes such biting, pun intended, commentary with this short film/PSA that is also so playful that the message about Native identity will undoubtedly stick with you.

77. Megan Gailey’s My Dad Paid For This-Gailey strikes a wonderful balance of charm and attitude and fervent desire to burn down the patriarchy. Such a mix accents her very delightful observations about herself and the world around her in this marvelous debut album. 

78. Robin Higgins as Baby Yoda at Tournament of Nerds-Higgins might have made one of the best, first attempts at Baby Yoda cosplay. She also, for what’s supposed to be a roast-style competition between fictional/pop culture characters, perfectly imagined how Baby Yoda would roast someone while maintaining Baby Yoda’s sweetness that has captured the hearts and minds of the Internet.

79. The Man Who Killed Don Quixote-Terry Gilliam went through hell, did a few laps, and came back over several years to get this meta-quixotic tale about reimagining the legendary novel Don Quixote made. The finished film, for us, was worth the wait. 

80. Jo Firestone on The Tonight Show-Jo’s sense of play is so pure and present that it’s kind of irresistible. Combined with a perfect amount of self-deprecation, Jo really delivered a terrific set we’ll probably never get tired of.

81. Paul Rudd continues his time honored tradition of playing that one clip of Mac & Me on Conan-Rudd evolves the arc of this long running bit on Conan where, instead of playing a clip of what he’s on Conan to promote, he plays the same exact clip of the universally panned alien comedy Mac & Me. We all know what’s coming and yet, without the benefit of surprise, Rudd’s annoyance of Conan still keeps on being so damn funny.

82. Billy on the Street featuring Reese and Mariah-This year, we were lucky enough to get two instantly classic episodes of Billy on the Street with Reese Witherspoon and Mariah Carey that gave us our fix for our obsession with Billy Eichner yelling at strangers on the streets of NYC.

83. The Dollop England & UK-As Dave Anthony and Gareth Reynolds embarked on an entire England & UK tour of The Dollop, they thought it prudent to do a mini-series specific to Great Britain and did a smashing job making fun of British history. The Cyril the Swan episode is particularly brilliant.

84. Lost Moon Radio-The live musical sketch comedy theater troupe (Lost Moon Radio truly lives up to such a description) marked their 10th anniversary and put on an absolutely fantastic “Summer Block Party” this year that both showed that they still got their ingenious musical sketch comedy chops. 

85. Nate Bargatze’s The Tennessee Kid-The calm with which Bargatze pervades all of his comedy is part of what makes it beloved by nearly any and all that see or hear Bargatze’s stand-up. That’s such the case now that Nate gives updates to stories from previous specials on this latest hour. 

86. Beth Stelling on Kimmel-Every detail of this set on Jimmy Kimmel Live is pretty stellar. That includes Beth, in general, for her warm demeanor, smile, and cleverness, the Chippendale’s story, Beth’s mom being there in the crowd, and, of course, the surprise guest at the end. 

87. Liz Climo’s Please Don’t Eat Me-This illustrated book is just the latest in a long line of uber-adorable and genuinely-funny-for-all-ages books from Climo. Liz seems to have quite the knack for making unlikely animal friendship jokes. 

88. John Hodgman’s Medallion Status-Hodgman’s journey through the various statuses of airline privilege/celebrity is a superb serving of existential humor, done up with Hodgman’s painstaking attention to the exactly right details. 

89. Jane Curtin’s 2019 New Year’s Resolution “My New Year’s Resolution Is To Make Sure The Republican Party Dies”-Said during a CNN interview with the SNL alum, this was the first thing to make us heartily laugh in 2019.

90. Alex Kavutskiy’s Squirrel-Kavutskiy’s short film dives into the concept of forgiveness unlike we’ve really seen and, as is Kavutskiy’s style, is so darkly spellbinding and so pointedly funny at the same time.

91. Astronomy Club: The Sketch Show-The long running comedy troupe known as Astronomy Club really ran with their chance to do a full-fledged sketch series on Netflix. They’re so endlessly clever on in their sketches, especially when it comes to the subjects of identity and oppression, and pack in so many jokes and sight gags that you’ll definitely want to watch it more than once so you don’t miss anything.

92. Dolemite Is My Name-Eddie Murphy seems poised to make a real return to comedy (and stand-up comedy in particular) and this marvelous biopic of comedian and blaxploitation star Rudy Ray Moore AKA Dolemite is the perfect way to start.

93. Anna Drezen on Corden-Drezen has such a perfect sense of farce and misdirection and puts on a beautiful display of those two things from start to finish in this set on The Late Late Show with James Corden. 

94. BUTT’s Yoda themed dating app sketch-This sketch is so prescient of the resurgence of the world’s current (baby) Yoda obsession. Also, while this is so absurd with its deep dive into various Yoda fan art and cosplay, Joe McAdam and Chris Stephens’ take on dating apps is so sharply and deeply funny. 

95. Mel Brooks Unwrapped-The never ending bit of attempting a documentary between Mel Brooks and the BBC’s Alan Yentob is yet another display of the true, unquestionable genius of Mel Brooks.

96. 50 First Stephs-The amazing, hysterical Steph Tolev kicked off 2019 with a show where 50 or so of her compatriots and contemporaries did various impressions and characterizations of her. Part roast, part loving tribute, part amazing showcase of the depth of creativity in LA comedy, Tolev’s night for herself was something really special.

97. The Bongo Hour with Sandy Honig and Peter Smith-Honig and Smith brought their wild variety show that featured such wonderful bits, characters, drag, and burlesque to LA and showed, truly, how much better life is when you’re fluid about nearly everything.

98. How Did This Get Played?-Hosts Nick Wiger and Heather Anne Campbell and their take on the “worst and weirdest” video games do their namesake, the beloved How Did This Get Made?, proud. Even if you’re not a gamer, the way they dissect the most bizarre video games ever made along with Heather and Nick’s chemistry is very, very enjoyable.

99. Joe Pera Talks With You Season 2-This second season of Joe Pera’s unique talk-to-the-viewer series is so calming that the comedic twists sneak up in the most delightful way possible. There is a certain beauty to Pera’s show that makes us want to have Joe Pera Talks With You playing on a loop in a contemporary art museum.

100. John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch-John Mulaney does “it”, yet again. “It” being releasing another hour of comedic brilliance that’s so markedly different than whatever he did before, yet, somehow still stamped with an indelible mark of Mulaney’s comedy of obtuse hyper-specificity. 

[thisunofyork]

If All Do Their Duty

This is the first chapter for my current manuscript. I hope you like it! 

That England that was wont to conquer others,

Hath made a shameful conquest of itself

Chapter 1

The radio paused for a second, letting out just the slightest hint of static before a voice brought it to life.

“This is the BBC,” the radio announcer’s voice said in a stiff, English accent. “Today, terrorist leader and traitor Clement Attlee was hung in London for crimes against Britain and our allies.” Arthur frowned and looked up from the book, Idylls of the King, he’d been resting next to the register. This was a surprise, they hadn’t broadcasted a hanging in weeks. He didn’t know who this Clement Attlee man was—or had been, as the case may be, but he must have been important enough if Joyce and the BBC were broadcasting it. The radio droned on and Arthur’s eyes returned to the book he was leaning over. “On the continent, His Royal Highness and regent, the Duke of Windsor, arrived in Hungary to attend the coronation of their new king, His Apostolic Majesty Franz Joseph II. In the east, our allies continue to see gains. Marshal Von Brauchitsch assures us that—“  

“Arthur, Arthur turn that off and come help me,” his father’s voice called out from the back. Arthur let out a disappointed sigh and closed the book. Before he made his way back he flipped the placard in the door from Open to Closed and turned the nob on the little radio. It would just be for a moment. “Come on Arthur, where are you?”

His father was starting to sound angry. Arthur hurried past meticulously organized shelves and through the back door. Once, the storeroom had been cramped with boxes of goods ready for the store. But now, with rationing even more intense then it was before, the backroom was almost empty. Only a few boxes were stacked in the corner despite the abundance of room. His father kept the backroom clean, ready for the day when it would be full again. Whenever that would be.

He found his father at the back door, his arms occupied by a carton of milk jugs.

“Take this, there’s more,” his father grunted. Frank Moore was a big man with a wide set face, dark eyes and a head that seemed to lose hair everyday. A far cry from the picture of him from 1918 that sat on their mantle piece. Even in that aging photograph, Arthur could always see the proud look on his father’s younger face and the Military Cross pinned to the breast of his uniform. His older brother Edmund had gotten his father’s size and muscle, while Arthur looked the image of his mother and sister; lean and sinewy, with grey eyes and an uncontrollable mop of dark hair.

His mother complained about how often she had to cut his hair and often threatened to shave his head and sell the hair to a wig maker. His father on the other hand, insisted that the Army would fix what he called Arthur’s unruly mopamong other things.

But with the way things were going, there was no chance of that happening anytime soon.

He grabbed the carton from his father’s arms and let out a groan as he felt the full weight. His father turned and grabbed another carton from the flatbed trolley.

“Who are these from?” Arthur asked, inspecting the bottles. They used to get milk from a farm up in Yorkshire until it had been turned into an airfield. His father handed him another carton.

“Mr. Keyes stopped by with these to repay us for your mother helping with their clothes,” his father explained, hefting a third and final carton onto the table. His mother was a talented seamstress and used to sell clothes to old Mr. Meyer for his store. But Mr. Meyer’s clothing store had been shut down and he’d disappeared over a year ago.

“Mum didn’t want them?” Arthur asked. It was a fair question, times were tight in Britain these days and they didn’t have the business they used to. His father scrunched his nose.

“The Keyes make awful milk,” his father revealed. “The army took most of their good cattle and they’re left with the shoddy ones.”

“And we’re going to sell it?” Arthur continued. His father that annoyed look he got whenever he and Arthur spoke more than a few words to each other.  

“Times are tough and people want milk, even if it tastes a little off,” he replied with a shrug. Arthur stood there awkwardly while his father counted up the bottles and added them to the store’s inventory. The closest his father came to academics was maths, he was always careful with his inventory, especially with the war on. Arthur started to hear voices coming from the front of the store. I turned the radio off he thought. Right? But then the voices grew louder and he realized that he had forgotten to lock the front door. His father’s head shot up instantly and he wheeled on Arthur.

“You locked the door, right?” he asked with a serious look. Arthur felt the color drain from his face and he slowly shook his head. His father grimaced and strode past him, just barely knocking into his youngest son and into the storefront. Arthur turned and did his best to follow his father’s long strides. “Bugger me Arthur, how many times do I tell you to--“

But his father stopped dead in his tracks and Arthur had to lean around his father to see what had made him stop. Four German soldiers in grey uniforms stood in the front. All four of them wore dark helmets with Swastikas imprinted on the sides and rifles hung on their backs. One soldier stepped forward with a little smile.

“Pardon us, Herr shopkeeper, but my men and I are thirsty and your shop is the only one around,” the soldier explained with barely covered contempt. His father took in a deep breath. The German soldier turned and eyed the sign whose back read Open. “Ve know you are closed but…your door vas unlocked.” One of the other soldiers suppressed a snicker and the lead soldier’s smile grew larger.

“Thank Gott ve are here to protect your country. It might not be safe to leave your door unlocked like that,” the soldier suggested.

“Arthur, fetch four colas for these men,” his father said in a raspy voice. The lead soldier looked at him.

“Ah, your son?” the soldier asked. His father didn’t respond. “He’s quite a strapping boy, no? Perhaps one day he will be able to help our efforts on the continent. Ve all must do our duty to fight Bolshevism.” Arthur’s father didn’t say anything but waited while he went to the icebox and pulled out four Coca-Cola bottles. One by one, he cracked the little metal lids off of them and held them out for the Germans.

“Ah, Coke,” the soldier exclaimed. “One of my favorites, even if it is from such a decadent country like the United States.”

“We get ours bottled and shipped from London,” his father assured them. The soldier only nodded and handed Arthur’s father a small stack of Reichsmarks. They were about to leave entirely when the soldier that had led them turned towards Arthur and his father. “Ve thank you for the refreshment. And a word of caution, please be careful, there’s a dangerous criminal loose in the area.”

“We’ll report anything suspicious,” his father replied, his voice flat and unemotional. He was parroting what was written on all the posters that the occupation troops had put up. The soldier smiled and cocked his head in silent mockery.

“Danke.” And then the door closed behind them with a soft thud. The air felt electric and Arthur just stared at the door as if they’d turn right around and…well, he didn’t know what he was afraid they’d do. But what was anyone afraid of the Germans for? They’d been here for two years and as long as you kept in line they’d leave you alone.

His father maintained his stony silence for a moment, counting out the Reichsmarks that the soldiers had paid in. They could have just as easily demanded the drinks for free and left. Instead they’d made a point of buying it with Nazi-printed Reichsmarks. There must have easily been at least fifteen bills there for how little the drinks cost. But what could they do about it? The Reichsmarks had been artificially set to be more valuable than pound sterling.

After a second counting his father swore and shook his head.

“Pa…” Arthur said meekly. Franklyn Moore let out a long and low sigh and wheeled on Arthur.

“How many times have I told you Arthur, lock the bloody door!” he roared in his deep and booming voice. “I need your help keeping the store going while your brother’s still in France.”

“I…I’m sorry pa,” Arthur started. “I…I’m trying to do better. Edmund, he taught me how the shop works.”

“But I’m not seeing it from you Arthur--bloody hell, boy you’re 17,” his father growled. “Sooner or later they’ll come for you and send you off to a work camp or to a factory. And then where will we be? Without your brother we’re barely getting by as it is.” Arthur was not unused to his father’s quick temper or his high expectations. He’d raised both his sons that way. But whereas Arthur struggled, Edmund had flourished. Edmund had been first in his marks and beloved by everyone in the neighborhood. When Edmund volunteered for the army a few years back, his father had never been prouder. Sometimes Arthur wished he’d signed up then too, just for some recognition. But then the invasion came and they, along with most Britons lost contact with the military units left on the continent. A year had passed until they received a typed letter with Edmund’s signature on the bottom. It confirmed what the radio was saying and what had been written on German leaflets dropped over the UK. That under the terms of the armistice, Edmund and his unit was to remain prisoners of war in Germany for a year, protected and held to the standards outlined by the Geneva Convention. The letter said that soon he and his men would be demobilized and given the chance to return home.

Arthur still remembered the way that they’d read and reread that letter. He, his parents and his sister, all huddled around one piece of paper in the parlor. That was one of the few times he’d seen his father soften—even just a little bit. He’d placed his hand on Arthur’s shoulder and squeezed. In just one motion he’d said what they’d all thought in relief. He’s alive. It didn’t matter if every serviceman’s family had received the same letter; it gave them hope. Edmund Moore was alive, alive in some camp in Germany or Northern France and not dead in some field outside Dunkirk. Not every British family was that lucky. It was for that reason that the Moores tried their best to stay on the good side of the occupying Germans. His father, despite his patriotism, never once showed any sign of resistance. They all simply kept calm and carried on.

Arthur tried find the words to defend his actions, but he couldn’t find them. What was there to defend? The better question was how could he defend himself to a man who had already chosen his favorite son. Arthur just stayed silent and his father sighed and shook his head as he turned away.

“Right, how about you clean the store,” his father said. The store had been cleaned just the other day, but it wasn’t a suggestion. So Arthur silently agreed and grabbed the dustpan and broom. After a long and methodical sweep of the front room his father next ordered him to the storeroom. He was sweeping the back stoop by the time the sun was setting, his head hung low. I could just volunteer for the work battalions he thought. There were posters for them everywhere, big colorful posters depicting smiling British boys working the soil while equally smiling German soldiers marched behind them with grateful salutes. Written in bold English writing was WORK FOR GERMANY. WORK FOR A BRIGHTER TOMORROW.

Sure, it wasn’t the army—there was no British Army, but it was some kind responsibility. And it might even make his father see him as a man, and then he might notice Arthur or care about him. Notice you’re gone he thought. And how much work he has to do himself. That certainly wouldn’t make his father any happier. Between the shop and his mother’s sewing, the Moores were already working hard to stay afloat. And what would happen without him?

Arthur didn’t want to think about what would happen to his parents if they were lost to the streets. It wasn’t like the early days, there was no way to escape to Canada or America. The German fleet patrolled the North Sea, they talked about every sinking and every victory on the BBC. Arthur looked up when he heard footsteps on the cobblestones approaching. The alley ran behind a few homes and shops, with high fences to keep loiterers—or a German patrol away. A tall figure was running towards him, panting. Arthur squinted and then his eyes widened when the figure got closer.

“Edmund?” he exclaimed. His brother came to a stop right in front of him and Arthur saw that his normally tall, handsome and put-together brother was disheveled and out of breath. His clothes were dirty and his eyes darted about wildly as he clutched a long object wrapped in brown cloth. “We thought you were still in France, the letter they sent…”

“I was in France, but I’ve been back for a little while,” he exclaimed breathlessly. Arthur shook his head.

“Then why didn’t you come find us?” he pleaded. Edmund just stood there, struggling to breath. “You know dad’s inside, you should come in.” Edmund surprised his brother by shaking his head.

“Sorry Artie, but I don’t have much time,” he said through labored breaths. He shoved the bulky brown clothed object into Arthur’s hands, knocking his broom to the ground. Arthur was frozen in place, confused and Edmund grabbed his shoulders and looked his younger brother right in the face. “Don’t let them get this. Please little brother.” Arthur just nodded.

“I’ll come back for it and explain everything. I promise,” Edmund hissed. Arthur just nodded again and Edmund pulled him into a hug. “Stay safe little brother.”

With that his older brother ran off towards the end of the alley, peered around the corners and then disappeared. Arthur was left in stunned silence, with nothing but the sound of a few birds, a weathervane blowing in the wind and the distant hum of a truck.

“Come inside,” his father’s curt voice called from the open storeroom door. Arthur shook his head, trying to make sense of what just happened. He wasn’t in France so where was he? Edmund had said he’d been back for a little while, so why hadn’t he come back home? Arthur’s mind raced as he wondered what sort of trouble his brother could be in. Had Edmund broken out of a POW camp? Or perhaps he was part of the resistance, which might explain why he didn’t contact them after he returned home. The Moores hadn’t gotten involved in the anti-German resistance but there were plenty who had. It’d been the worst right after the invasion and since then had died down. Still, there were rumors of sporadic gunshots or the odd ambush. The Moores always feared the German’s retaliation for acts of resistance. In one town, they indiscriminately rounded up and executed upwards of 30 people. The BBC bragged about it later that night.

But the sun had set and his father was already angry enough with him. So he went inside, balancing the bulky odd package his brother had entrusted to him. Do I really want to know what it is?If his brother was in trouble—which it seemed like he might be, unfurling the mottled brown sheet would only cause Arthur trouble. Or worse, bring the Germans down on him and his family. Arthur decided to hide it and stowed the odd package in the corner of the storeroom behind some empty boxes.

“Coming.”

His father did one final count of all their items; double checked the numbers and then turned off the store’s lights. They didn’t have the business to justify staying open past five and on top of that there was a half six general curfew in place for the entire country. Arthur couldn’t stop thinking about seeing Edmund—standing there, disheveled and panting. He wanted so desperately to tell his father that Edmund was home. He’s here, he’s in Britain and he’s alive. The two might actually bond over the fact that Edmund was home. But he didn’t tell his father, mainly because then he’d have to explain that his older brother seemed to be in trouble, handed him a strange package and then ran off. And then they’d be wrapped up in trouble too.

His father flipped off the shop lights, leaving them at the mercy of the dim oil lamps lit along the high street. Arthur wondered if this is what his town had looked like in the last century. He had grown up in the modern age, so oil lamps lighting his hometown was an all-together foreign concept to him. Arthur’s hand hovered by the doorknob while his father straightened his coat. He didn’t know what but something seemed to be holding him back.

“Come on then Arthur,” his father groaned. He turned the knob and both men stepped outside into the darkened street. It was quiet, with only a few muffled sounds from houses nearby and the distant bark of someone’s dog. He used to hear Luftwaffe engines for the night patrols that flew out of nearby RAF Redhampton. But tonight it was quiet.

His father fished the keys out of his coat pocket and turned to lock the front door when the barking multiplied and grew louder, soon being joined by German voices yelling. His father’s head shot up.

“Pa.” But his father hushed him and looked around. Then they heard low thuds. Grenades? Arthur thought. But the way they were coming it was clear that they weren’t bombs, but footsteps. His father seemed to realize it too and his eyes grew wide. He wrenched back open the front door and all but shoved Arthur in first, following him and locking the door behind him. Both Moores crouched by the door as they saw a bulky German truck come to a stop along the high street. Soldiers were barking orders and they held their guns at the ready.

“Haven’t seen them like this since the invasion,” his father breathed. “Fucking hell, I wonder what they’re after?” Arthur felt his whole body go cold and his chest felt like it was in a vice grip. I know what they’re after. Then the thuds grew louder and closer. Arthur saw one German look down the street and then quickly move to the side when two thick, armored legs came into view. He couldn’t see where the long legs ended but the new arrival obviously sported some spotlights because then searchlights lit the street. The spotlights then parted and roamed beyond the high street.

“I didn’t know they had any of those bleeding things outside London,” his father whispered.

“What is it pa?” Arthur asked worried. But his father hushed him again. A German soldier was leaning back and shouting up the heavily armored legs at someone—or something, up there. Then the ground vibrated as a loud groan sounded as the legs thundered down the high street. More soldiers ran off but two remained behind, lighting cigarettes and taking positions around the street.

“Should we leave pa?” Arthur whispered. His father squinted at his wristwatch and shook his head.

“We’re past curfew,” his father stated. “And those Jerries don’t look to be in a forgiving mood.” Arthur turned back to stare out the window. Both of the soldiers that stood watch on the high street held their rifles at the ready. Arthur’s felt like his heart would beat out of his chest. Edmund must have gotten far away by now, right?

One of the soldiers seemed to respond to something down the street, turned to say something to his fellow guard and then ran off in the direction that the armored legs had gone. The remaining sentry looked around for a moment then ducked into the cab of the truck for a few minutes.

“Now?” Arthur asked. But his father shook his head. Arthur was going to say more until the soldier exited the cab and looked about nervously. Suddenly, gunshots sounded in the distance. The loud, metallic barking of rifle fire made Arthur flinch and he instinctively ducked. His mind went to Edmund immediately. They must be after him he thought. Even the German soldier earlier had mentioned that they were looking for someone. Arthur suppressed a little groan.

He should have told his father, his father could have found Edmund and then…then all three of them would be have been shot. Arthur and his father for harboring a fugitive and Edmund for whatever it was he was running from. Arthur tried to assure himself that Edmund was fine. He has to be he told himself. Edmund always overcame whatever life threw at him; it was why Arthur had looked up to him.

He heard more rifle shots and then his father ducked as they heard new gunshots, these like a sail ripping in half. Arthur’s heart was beating fast, not because he was scared of the gunshots, but because he was scared that Edmund was on the other side of them. Both Moores looked up when they heard the approach of a car. Most civilians didn’t drive anymore; those that still had cars either couldn’t afford the gas rations or didn’t want to attract attention from more desperate Britons. Others had lost their car during the invasion by German or British soldiers. Those left driving had the privilege of petrol and protection.

When it came into view, Arthur saw it was one of the boxy little cars the German officers preferred. It reminded him of a crude copy of the American jeeps that some of the Brits used to drive around before the invasion. Two men were in the car but only one exited. Arthur could just barely make out a tall, lean figure in a dark outfit. Lamplight reflected off of medals and buttons and Arthur could barely make out a Nazi armband against a dark uniform, the kind worn by senior officials. He’d only ever seen Germans in black uniforms when something was very wrong.

The tall Nazi shared a few words with the remaining sentry and then both men looked down the street.

“What’s happening now?” Arthur glanced at his father but he didn’t answer him. German soldiers trickled down the street back towards the truck. Then the ground began to shake again as those terribly long, armored legs approached. The floodlights switched on and created a pool of light in front of the tall and darkly clad figure. Two soldiers tossed a slumped over body into the light. He put a hand over his mouth to stifle a cry. EdmundArthur realized. Oh my god they’ve found him. Arthur was afraid his heart would climb out of his mouth. Could he and his father rescue Edmund? Not likely, not when he was surrounded by a platoon of German soldiers around him. Arthur also wasn’t keen on finding out what was at the top of those thick armored legs.

“The back door—that’s our only way out,” his father hissed. “They’re distracted.” But Arthur found himself rooted to the spot as he watched the tall, shadowed figure speak to Edmund. He could barely hear them but he saw Edmund hold his head up wearily and only say a few words before keeling over. The shadowed figure turned away from Edmund. Then a soldier pulled a pistol from his belt and a gunshot sounded. Arthur watched his brother’s body convulsed for second and then grow deathly still.

Arthur let out a yelp of surprise that would have been louder had his father not wrapped a hand around his son’s mouth. A few soldiers started looking around.

“We have to go,” his fathered said as he helped Arthur to his feet. “Out the back—now.” Arthur felt tears welling in his eyes as they ran through the storeroom; his mind not even going to the strange object his brother had left him. His father locked the back door of the storeroom and they hurried down the alleyway, the floodlights illuminating the high street in the distance.

They found Arthur’s mother and sister waiting up with tea when they arrived home.  

“What happened?” his mother called to them once they’d gotten inside and locked the door behind them. “I was worried about you two, it’s after curfew.” He saw a deep frown on his mother Elizabeth’s small round face. Dark eyes set back in her round face glistened with worry.

“We heard gunshots,” his sister Viola said concerned. Viola Moore shared a lot of traits with her mother, save for the broad head and fine jawline of her father.

Arthur’s father explained what happened, he noticed that his father left out the Germans who came into the store this morning. He talked about the Nazi official that they barely glimpsed and mentioned the thick, armored legs.

“They brought one out here,” she gasped, her voice drifting briefly back into her native Welsh accent.

His father only nodded and continued. He spoke about the boy they saw killed. None of them had any idea it was Edmund. I have to tell them now he thought. They have to know, Arthur had to tell them. If not, they’ll spend the rest of their lives waiting for a son who’ll never come home.

When his father was finished his mother was silent for a moment. Then she turned to Arthur and his sister.

“Right, it’s already late. Scrub up as best you can and get some rest,” she ordered. Viola protested but Arthur just slinked off to his bedroom upstairs. It was a cramped bedroom, made even more cramped by the fact that Arthur had shared it with Edmund. He’d only

His bedroom was small but it had been his since Edmund joined the army. Now it’ll stay mine he thought glumly as his eye went to the twin-sized bed that laid parallel to his. Arthur’s mind replayed his brother’s last moments, him accosting Arthur in the alley and then…then being executed on the high street. He’s gone Arthur kept thinking as tears fell silently from his eyes and onto his blanket.

He didn’t know how late it was when he finally fell asleep, his mind drifting to that bulky package that Edmund had thrust into his arms.

[shirlleycoyle]

Internal Documents Show Why the NYPD Tries to Be ‘Funny’ Online

On July 17, 2014, the New York Police Department put Staten Island resident Eric Garner into a chokehold while apprehending him for allegedly selling cigarettes illegally. Garner told police “I can’t breathe” 11 times before losing consciousness. Officers did not perform CPR on Garner, and neither did EMT when they arrived at the scene. Garner was pronounced dead in the hospital about an hour after the incident.

This week, exactly five years after Garner’s death, Mayor Bill de Blasio doubled down on his decision to not fire Officer Daniel Pantaleo, who placed Garner in a chokehold. Pantaleo will also not be held criminally liable. The decision ignores repeated demands for justice from local residents and activists who have organized both in-person and en masse on social media.

That same day, the NYPD Twitter account tweeted about World Emoji Day.

Motherboard has obtained and is publishing an internal guide that may help explain the strategy behind that tweet, and the NYPD’s social media presence across platforms. Police are explicitly told to “be funny” by cracking jokes and using emojis, and to take “victory laps” by sharing evidence of arrests and confiscations. The documents note that the goal of NYPD social media accounts is to “build, and maintain trust between the Department and the communities it serves.”

The U.S. military, and police departments around the country, are known to follow a similar social media strategy. Law enforcement often uses social media to speak in a way that’s cheery and cutesy, belittling and heartless, or some combination of these things. The NYPD is no exception. In 2014, the NYPD tweeted a quote from A Few Good Men which, in the movie, was used to justify a murder. (They later deleted the tweet.) Earlier this year, it triumphantly tweeted about a “clean up” of a homeless encampment in the East Village.

Motherboard obtained seven slide presentations, which include examples of “funny” police tweets, Twitter dos and don’ts, and at one point, a slide is completely dedicated to displaying an image of YouTuber PewDiePie. Motherboard also obtained two “Operations Order” documents that spell out the department’s official social media goals and policies.

Non-commissioned officers (NCOs) put in charge of the NYPD’s social media accounts are explicitly instructed to be both friendly and feared. However, the NYPD has a poor record on civil liberties. A New York Department of Investigation (DOI) report shows that the NYPD has received almost 2,500 complaints of biased policing since 2014. The NYPD closed 1,918 of those complaints. Zero investigations have been issued. A Buzzfeed investigation released last year shows that between 2011 and 2015, hundreds of officers have committed severe acts of misconduct and violence and have been allowed to keep their jobs. This record complicates the way the NYPD presents itself on social media.

NYPD social media policies makes the department’s 119 Twitter feeds into a jarring mix of images: police posing with children, confiscated guns, missing or wanted people, and police dogs. Police want to tell people that they’re charming and approachable, but also powerful and sometimes frightening.

A document titled “Operations_Order_28,” dated June 2017, tells police that the goal of NYPD social media is to “build, and maintain trust” with city residents. Several documents instruct social media NCOs to post pictures of NYPD officers.

A slide presentation titled “Best_practices_prezi” instructs police to be “authentic and funny.” The slide notes that “(expectations are low…)” for humor.

“Funny tweets are more likely to be shared,” the slide presentation says. “Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say in any other public forum.”

“Funny” tweets are recommended because maximizing shares and engagement is recommended per NYPD policy. Operations Order 28 instructs officers to prioritize engagement.

“Develop innovative and informative social media messaging with the goal of cultivating public engagement,” the document reads.

Examples of funny tweets, according to “Best_practices_prezi,” include using a lot of emojis, making jokes about recent raids and arrests, and making joke-infused warnings about possible crimes.

Image: Screen grab from “best_practices_prezi.”

The presentation has a section in which officers are prompted to select a good tweet an a bad tweet. An example of a good tweet, according to the presentation is, “Officers just arrested a naked man in the bison paddock in GG Park. The bison seemed unimpressed.” Meanwhile, an example of a bad tweet is, “Between 11/30/13, 9pm and 12/01/13, 9:45 am on the 1900 block of Clement St, a suspect hopped the fence to the… [link]”

Police are also instructed to avoid making blunders on social media. A slide presentation titled “Twitter_mistakes_prezi” tells police, “Don’t make light of harsh situations,” and to sometimes seek second opinions. It also lists five rules of thumb for police.

Image: Screen grab from “twitter_mistakes_prezi.”

“What may seem inoffensive to you could be offensive to others in your community,” the slide presentation later warns. The examples of content that could be offensive to “others” in your community are outrightly racist.

Image: Screen grab from “twitter_mistakes_prezi.”

A slide presentation titled “Promotional_training_prezi” warns officers, “You are always in the public eye,” and displays the logos of WorldStar Hip Hop and Copwatch, platforms that are known to sometimes share images and videos of police violence and misconduct.

Other documents show that there is no basis of social media literacy required for NCOs that are interested in operating social media accounts.

“It’s not about computers,” the slide presentation says. “Previous knowledge is not required. Yes, it’s risky. But the good outweighs the bad.”

“Promotional_training_prezi” also notes that all “commanding officers and staff are trained” before getting access to social media accounts. Once trained, social media access is heavily delegated.

“How do we approve everything? WE DON’T!” one slide says.

“Promotional_training_prezi” also shows a side-by-side comparison of the social media landscape in 2012 and 2017. An entire slide in the presentation is dedicated to displaying an image of PewDiePie. In 2017, seemingly the same year the presentation was given, PewDiePie used a racial slur on his channel and directed users to an antisemitic channel (which he claims was accidental).

Image: Screen grab from “Promotional_training_prezi”.

The slide presentation also tells police, “AND DON’T FORGET YOUR VICTORY LAP!” This means that police are told to share results of certain investigations. In practice, this often means sharing images of confiscated guns or counterfeit items.

It’s reasonable for any public-facing entity to humanize their workforce. But the NYPD’s attempts to improve its public image with social media don’t address the public’s biggest concern: years of allegations of misconduct.

When reached by Motherboard for comment, an NYPD spokesperson said in an email that the goal of its social media presence is to let police “communicate directly with their residents, hear their concerns, and update them about Neighborhood Policing and public safety issues in real time.”

“Since 2014, the accounts have amassed over 1 million followers, have helped launch hundreds of community events, forged relationships, introduced residents to their own local officers, allowed us to gauge issues of concern from the public, as well as notify them in real time regarding emergencies,” an NYPD spokesperson said. “Use of social media accounts has also helped solve and prevent crimes through tips, awareness and community interaction.”

When asked about the DOI report, the NYPD referred Motherboard to a press release and added the following.

“I want to reaffirm that there is zero tolerance for bias in the NYPD,” an NYPD spokesperson said. “Bias is often tough to prove because you need to show intent. The OIG itself couldn’t conclusively prove bias in 888 cases that it reviewed. But that doesn’t mean the NYPD isn’t taking action.”

One slide presentation argues that social media use can help supplement traditional policing. A slide displays NYPD officers testifying about the impact of social media.

“People I never met before were able to share community concerns and comments,” NYPD Inspector Fausto Pichardo said, according to the presentation. “People would come up to me on the street and say ‘Hey! I follow you on Twitter!’ Before, I would have probably walked by them and they wouldn’t know I was the CO.”

“With social media I can engage my community at any time of the day from anywhere,” Detective Inspector Chris Morello said, according to the presentation. “I get messages from people in real time about what’s happening — they can now be my eyes and ears.”

But of course, NYPD officers also use more covert methods to supplement their policing. The NYPD has used Palantir, a powerful, secretive data aggregation tool that enables law enforcement to learn nearly everything about a person from a simple search query. The NYPD has also tested controversial predictive policing technology, which claims to be able to “forecast” crime by sending police to places where crime has already occurred. It has abused facial recognition technology by submitting celebrity look-alikes of subjects on camera in order to search for positive matches. It has fleets of drones, which have been deployed at events like the NYC Pride Parade, despite the fact that LGBTQ activists have resisted heavy police presence at Pride events.

According to the NYPD, social media is a way to “connect and engage with local businesses, residents, and other members of the community.” However, social media has never been a tool for the NYPD to be transparent about the activity that actively concerns and frightens New York residents. Trust can’t be extracted through tweets.

All of the documents that were used to inform this article are now public and viewable on Document Cloud.

Internal Documents Show Why the NYPD Tries to Be ‘Funny’ Online syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

[overhere-series]

Over Here: Chapter Seven

Revised this bad boy. Stay tuned to the very end of it, most of the edits are for some planting plot things so important.

Come morning, Cass’s alarm blares into the silence. At least she doesn’t have any questions about where she is this time round, though she does have one or two about the white jacket thrown over her and the pressure on the crown of her head. She thumbs off her alarm.

Her hands find the bird and scoop him out of her hair so she can sit up. For a second she sits against the trunk of the tree, breathing in the cold morning air, reacclimating to the fact that she hasn’t been spirited back home in her sleep. If she’s going to down the same cocktail of fear and relief every time she wakes up, she’d rather stay up or stay sleeping. One or the other.

The silence cracks her and she taps the bird’s back with a finger. “Up and at ‘em, nerd,” she says. “Wanna explain why you’re so touchy?”

The bird nestles deeper into his wings, feathers poofed like they can shield him from her poking. After enough of her prodding he taps off to a safe distance to change back to a sleepy, stretching human. The shimmer of magic shaping him glows almost gold, rather than that clearish haze she’s almost used to.

Cass hurls his jacket at him. “Don’t let it happen again,” she tells him, mouth twisted at the chuckle worming its way in. Much as she wants to be peeved, her fuzzy morning mind can’t endure the thought of the bird perched on her head without finding it at least microscopically funny.

She gathers her stuff while he shrugs into his jacket. Her flannel tied at her waist, Cass stretches the soreness and the dirt from her back, shuts her phone off and sticks it in her back pocket. Only a sliver of battery left, and she’s not down for the ensuing conversation if she has to use someone else’s phone to call a ride when she’s on Earth again.

Already Winston’s on his knees with the map splayed open, eyes bleary as he scans the lines and shimmer of letters. Whatever’s been added wakes him right up. “Stars above, they’ll have my head for this.”

“Boss finally got wise to your vacation, huh?” Cass asks. A crime lord in a smoky office springs to mind, reading all the bird’s messages with the growing urge to put a hit on his head. Boy, that’d put a damper on their trip.

“It won’t be long before then, no,” he says. “Arth and Finch can only help so much until they come calling again.” His fingers tap at his lips, a loop of oh dear oh dear oh dear probably spinning his brain. He’s reaching for his ink again before Cass nudges him and heads toward the road nearby.

“Buck up, birdbrain. Now you’ve got more reason to hit the bricks.” Like her own situation’s not reason enough.

He just hums and folds the map away. After a few of her warm up stretches they continue from the dirt path to rows of boards over the next while. Sleeping under the tree leaves Cass sore even with all her limbering up, so the level ground is welcome along with the silence.

Still, her stomach’s growling with all the time to dwell on the breakfast stocked in her kitchen back home. Cereal, bagels, apples and oranges- she’d take pop-tarts and granola bars at this point if they’re in for nothing but the cabins and shacks lining the road for now.

“Aren’t we supposed to be finding a train station? Doesn’t look like the kind of town to have one,” she remarks.

The comment gets a grin out of the bird. “We’re nearing it now. Patience.”

She raises a brow. Another fifteen minutes before Winston announces they’ve arrived, but she’s still seeing nothing but dense forest and even more ramshackle, vine-covered houses around them. If it’s Christmas rush, there’s not even evidence of all the people that should be on the move and traveling.

“You’re kidding,” she says.

“Look above us,” he tells her with a wave to the canopy.

She does. All she can muster is a low ‘jeezus’.

The spindly trees rise and rise, stories above them until they jolt out at angles so precise it can’t be natural, branches so sturdy they can support the floors of treehouses like none she’s ever seen up close. Even the smallest houses take up three trees each, some spanning half a dozen firs in long platforms to compose apartments or shopping strips with leaves covering the outsides in a rainbow of Over Here foliage. On and on and on until there’s no gaps in the branches for what could be miles ahead.

Winston just watches her hungry stare with a fond grin. “Quite the achievement, yes? I hear dryad tribes can make better use of the land as well as the trees.”

Cass clenches her jaw, recovers from the initial shock of the sight. Her mouth’s in a neutral line before she speaks, even if she can’t meet the bird’s eyes. “You left out how the hell we’re getting up there.”

He nods toward a line of people in the distance, all centered around a trunk with a giant dumbwaiter grafted to the side. Well, elevator, but it’s wood and uncovered. Just looking at it wigs her out, but so does the staircase wound around the tree. Either the rails are too long, irregular branches or a line of branches fused at the ends to look like it. Logs form the steps.

Winston heads for the stairs, something she’s sort of grateful for with the line to the elevator. Better not to make a scene if she can’t keep it together, the stairs the road less traveled since it’s more than a few stories up. She balls her fists. Just look up and it’ll all be fine.

She takes a deep breath and bolts up ahead of the bird. Keep him behind her and she can’t fall, whether she trips from nerves or a log crumbles. They’re living wood so nowhere near rotting and splintering apart, but better for her to think she has a backup if something goes down.

The rails feel smooth under her hands as they climb higher and higher. A few snags of splinters here and there, but no nails or seams in the wood. Her hands warm along with a thick, stifling part of her chest.

At the top there’s a curved platform filled with magicians in various states of distress. Many of them bearing suitcases or Mary Poppins-style carpet bags, kids who try to escape or cling to their parents’ legs, animals running around that could be shapeshifter people or pets. Does this world have pets?

They manage to get through the rows of people waiting to get into the city, edge through a crowd to a less dense outdoor mini-mall. On a clement summer day like this one, the business owners take advantage of the foot traffic via an overflow of products from their doors. Under awnings lay spreads of clothes, tools, samples of food… it’s like the Saturday market up in Portland, minus the scent of fried food and legalized green wafting on the breeze.

Cass drags Winston toward a place littered with signs and flags. Another magical diner like the Fausts’, by the look of it, just spiffier. Going from a small town Starbucks to an airport Starbucks, almost. An inhuman titter escapes Winston when he sees the place has coffee. Cass plows through a plate of hashbrowns and fresh fruit at the counter, the bird downing his coffee straight black with a contented grin.

Among the calm of it Cass can more or less forget they’re above the forest floor, held up by nothing but platforms and boards. A radio drones on the counter beside them, news about Haven and some place called simply the Bay and a few others. Tiny red flowers grow through its grate like they did others she’s seen.

Winston’s worry over the map seems to have mellowed, too, though he stiffens at a note by the announcer. Something about a Tribunal making some broadcast on the festival night.

“Who’re they?”

“Who are who?”

“This tribunal,” she points out. “You just jumped out of your seat for a sec. What are they, your court or something?”

“I believe they’ve been compared to presidents in your world. Three presiding leaders elected by the public. We’re… not particularly friendly with them at the moment.”

“Jeez, how many people did you piss off before leaving?” she mutters.

Winston makes no reply. He scribes a message before they make for the train station. Honestly Cass can spend the whole day here just gawking at the intricate vinework ceilings, the focals being sold by vendors like wood rings and what might be wands or staffs, ink like the bird carries but radios and Earth stuff, too. Winston notes her shifting expressions with that same fond smile, but he’s quick to get them to a pavilion getting clogged with people.

Where he stops, right at the edge of the crowd. His eye twitches like he’d rather take a path of broken glass to Haven than push to the main counter. Cass grabs his hand and tugs him toward an exhausted man overseeing the ticket sales. The bird murmurs a flurry of apologies to anyone unlucky enough to be in her way.

The man at the counter slouches over the counter on his forearms, lips pursed at Cass along with the cloud of customers around the pair. Each crane around to read something behind the guy. Meanwhile, Cass is taking the direct route.

“When’s the next train to Haven?” Cass yells up to him.

“Can’t you read?” he moans. A chalkboard schedule hangs on the wall, what the people around are squinting for. Dusty letters hover off the black. “There ain’t anymore this morning for sale.”

“What about later?”

“Morning, noon, night- it’s festival, there ain’t any trains that aren’t crammed,” the man insists.

“Cass, he’s right,” Winston says, shaken but putting a hand on her shoulder.

“Everything’s sold out.” The man props his chin on his hand, examines his nails as travelers roll their eyes and begin to disperse. “Only thing to make it worse would be-”

Cass grips the counter. “Do not say it,” she hisses.

The bird takes her by both shoulders, mostly to keep her from jumping the ticket seller. There’s gasps among the crowd. Shouts about the lights flickering. A fuzzy sputter and the ticket salesman groans.

His slack arms flail left and right, like eventually he’ll land a gesture at the cause of his problems if he keeps it up. “Last thing we need! If it’s not a vine down or a rail needs reinforced it’s a gwyll or some whacked up kid wrecking power to the whole slice of treelines.”

Cass looks to the bird. “You think it’s a you-know-what?” she asks.

Winston blinks. Looks up into the vines woven into the ceiling, eyes narrowed. “The current is cut off but not non-existent. The magic’s been drained more than a human could cope with.”

“Meaning we can fix it.” Cass slaps her hand on the counter. The ticket salesman pouts at her. “It’s your lucky day, bud. You got some wardens.” And they’ve got a way onto a train.

The salesman looks between the pair. A quick ‘come here’ gesture of his fingers. Cass drags Winston into the room behind the sales counter.

The office back behind the ticket counter is stuffy once the front window closes. Their ticket seller has his shoulders hunched in, hand spidering at his side like he’s got a gun in his holster. His face flickers through a series of hums and mouth twists as he considers them. Finally he grunts. “You got an hour and some difference. Think you can fix it by then?” he asks.

“Definitely, but we’re going to need tickets.”

“Cass,” Winston chides, but doesn’t go further. Like he knows it’s a clever ploy, even if he doesn’t want to admit it.

“Am I wrong?” she prompts.

“We could indeed remove the gwyll in that time or less, yes,” he reasons. “But… I agree that compensation would be rather appreciated. Even if it isn’t a seat, we do need to get to Haven to complete some other duties to prevent more incidents like this.”

The ticketmaster shrugs. “Fine. Get things up and running and it’s all yours.”

It’s all Cass can do not to pump her fist. Victorious, and all they’ve got to do is do what they did yesterday. Which is, granted, facing a horrific monster and possibly being mindtricked again. She knows what she’s getting into now, though.  She folds her arms. “Got it.”

After giving them a quick rundown for where to go, the ticketmaster taps his temple and shoos them out. Cass offers her fist to the bird once they’re out of the station. “Ready?” she asks.

“For?” Staring at the fist. Of course.

“You put your fist on it.”

He puts his fist on the top of hers, beaming if a bit more anxious than last time’s adventure. The gesture’s almost like a little yin-yang, actually, with the curl of their fingers as the dots. They’ll work on it.

“Cool,” she approves. “You’ve learned the great Earth custom of the fistbump. Sort of.”

[knqw]

The Big Take Down

This is the most accurate gathering of info I have found thus far Q WWG1WGA 🇺🇸

Via: John Brown

TAKE DOWN OF THE CABAL AGAINST ALL ODDS BY TRUMP, NSA, Q & JFK JR

Donald J. Trump did not want to be POTUS. Trump was enlisted by Q and the Earth Alliance (EA). They needed a man who was not part of the deep state and who could pay for his own campaign.

Trump didn’t want to run. When Trump was first approached by the EA, he refused. But over a 2-week period, he was shown everything the NSA had on the deep state/cabal/illuminati.

At the end of those 2 harrowing weeks, for the love of his country, Humanity, and for the love of all God given rights and freedoms that should automatically be granted to all God-created Souls—Donald J. Trump ran for POTUS and won in a landslide.

Since Trump has been in office he has donated his $400k POTUS salary and his businesses have lost money. He became POTUS with the hallowed understanding of these words: God. Country. Service. Love.

A year before Trump announced his candidacy on June 16, 2015, Kim Clement in a sermon on February 22, 2014, Clement said, "Trump was God's Choice! He is a genius. He will throttle the enemies of the West, or true Israel.

"They will shout 'impeach, impeach, but this won't happen. This nation will come very subtly. He is a man of prayer, choice words, not verbose and may even say he is not speaking enough.

"The people were asking how to kill the giant socialist deep state. God said, "I have placed that man amongst you. And those that reject him will be shocked at how quickly he takes the giant down. They will laugh at him, but the Divine Plan that came from Me is so brilliant!"

The 2nd key point is that one needs to have a clear understanding of what adrenochrome is because the evil empire that Trump, Q, The Alliance and NSA have defeated, the deep state / illuminati / cabal and their minions, are the most horrific vile disgusting evil of the deepest darkest evil that has ever existed in all Creation — they harvest adrenochrome from angelic terrified children who they torture and then murder in their sick revolting grisly satanic rituals.

A gifted-healer-friend, who has worked with survivors for many years, gave me a definition of adrenochrome. It is too vile and she didn’t think the general public was ready for it. So instead, here is the eloquent Sacha Stone who on April 24, 2020 said, "Adrenochrome is a psycho-active molecule that is activated in Human blood when the Human subject or victim is tortured. In the same way that a cat toys with the mouse before eviscerating it and pulling out its kidneys and slowly killing it. It is known to the Feline species that the more you adrenalize the blood of the victim the more prana or life force you can induce through the in-taking of that blood.

"So in simple terms, these sociopathic sub-human entities that proliferate in Hollywood and on the big screen, and pop idols,  nd Rock Gods, and Sports idols, amongst Political leadership, elements within Royalty as well as boxes of the Corporatocracy, the Oligarchies and the powerful Technocrats that exist in Government, in the Banking sector, in the commercial arena, in the Military Industrial Complex, in the Mainstream media and the press as well.

"These folks are variously conjoined in blood covenant through long standing blood ritualism. It sounds absurd, like a bad BATMAN script, but it’s all too real. The fact of the matter is that this goes on. The adrenochrome molecule is arguably the most prized element on Earth, with a higher value one imagines than even platinum or Helium-3 which you can only scoop off the Moon.

"So the fact is that to get a pranic rush similar to a hyper-dimensional cocaine rush, in harvesting blood, you first terrorize the victim and  conduct the most aberrant satanic ritual becomes of paramount importance to this diabolical echelon.

"What they are requiring is to be anchored to the Temporal [Earthly] plane, because they’ve already abnegated their consciousness and their conscience. Their Spiritual sacrament has been so violated through their own choice in surrendering or abnegating their true conscience that they have already been walked into and are now under the remote influence of the Egregore, or the lower astral intelligence, or the demon, if you wish to look at it that way.

"The bottom line is they’re sub-human, not Homo Sapiens Universalis, or Homo sapiens sapiens, or Homo sapiens freighter like we are. They are absent in their capacity for empathy, compassion, to love or be loved and my heart goes out to them for that fact.

"But that again was a chronology and a pathology of choice that was made and taken by each of them. So they’ve got to the point where the only way that energy can anchor through them in the Temporal/Earthly realm is to continue imbibing the adrenochrome or the traumatized blood. So in simple terms that’s why.

"Why the toddlers are sodomized and raped is because it’s an inversion of kundalini. It’s a technique to inverse the life force, the prana, the kundalini, the chi of that victim, in order to induce or transduce that very hyper-dimensionally active life force into the perpetrator.

"It’s very ugly stuff. But when you get into advanced satanism that’s the game you play or you perish, because by the time you learn about blood drinking and the fact that you are required to go into the blood covenant, it’s normally too late for you to extricate yourself."

That, my friends, is what Pres. Trump, Q, NSA and EA have soundly defeated—an army of demons that had run rampant on this blessed Earth, infecting every aspect of our lives with fiendish imprisonment.

After all their crimes have been publicly pronounced and the punishments handed down according to Earthly tribunals as well as Divine tribunals—the New World of Light, Freedom, Love, Kindness, Abundance, Health and Peace will begin in earnest for Gaia, her Kingdoms, Humanity and our children.

And we won't have to wait much longer for miracles and wonders because the RV, GCR, NESARA and GESARA are well on their way.

Charlie Freak said, "CNN is now is control by POTUS, Donald J. Trump. Boris Johnson and the British government is under control of POTUS, NSA and the Q-plan and Q group. This is ALL being run by this group. Every single government on Earth, all of them, have capitulated over to Trump from 2017 to early 2019. He hit the ground running.

"He took 6-months to clean house, clean the swamp in Washington DC and then he went to Saudi Arabia first. There’s a reason. He needed to go to Saudi Arabia first in the Summer of 2017.

"It's really up to us. If we weren't so sound asleep none of this would have been allowed to happen in the first place.

"We should have woken up to the milk cartons of MISSING children 30-40 years ago, with all of these children going missing. What the heck are so many going missing for and why are so many kids on Milk Cartons?

MISSING CHILDREN PER YEAR

America 800k UK 230k Germany 100k Canada 50.5k Mexico 45k Brazil 40k France 39k

TOTAL: 1 million 264 thousand children missing per year that we know about.

"All of us are responsible for this. But see this as an opportunity. The next 6-months are an opportunity for all of you to become the kind of hero that you’ve always wanted to be in your eyes. Trust in YOU! Trust in the Plan that there are good people fighting against the sickest most evil people in the creation so get up and be part of this! Let’s support them, we’re the Digital Warriors. Be strong for your kids like you already are, don’t just sit back and think, 'Trump’s going to do everything. No it’s YOUR country, not theirs.

"Everything is about Donald Trump and the abbreviation you get with Q called DECLAS. It’s short for De-Classified, the main people behind all of this have been the NSA, because once the Military was given access to cameras everywhere, spying technology everywhere, access to your cell phone, to everything about you, as soon as that information became available, a group of people within the Military said, 'This is our chance to get the cabal, this is our moment in time and we must act upon this.

"Because they don’t seem to know that the cabal minions, or foot soldiers, whomever is hidden in the background are just as vulnerable as we are. And so what has been going on, my friends, since 9-11 (how evil, of God killing God on Sept. 11, 2001). That was the symbology of it. They were laying out for us in plain sight what they were about to do and finish.

"And the Coronavirus through the 5G Towers. The 5G wireless signal was their coup de grâce, their killshot for us and everything went wrong when Hilary didn’t win that election and what you all need to wrap your minds around is that they, still to this day, don’t understand how they lost that election in 2016 to Donald Trump because it was so rigged in their favor. The machines were rigged in all the key states. Trump actually won in a landslide. It was a runaway for Trump across the entire land. If Hilary winning had happened we’d already be in these FEMA camps, locked in our homes. Those of us who didn’t comply to them would be in FEMA camps or body bags.

"So it all starts with the symbol DECLAS, declassified, that comes from the NSA. They’ve been spying on them and they HAVE IT all and NOTHING CAN STOP THIS PLAN that’s coming.

"Julian Assange has been a big player. Eventually when the truth comes out about Julian Assange you’ll go, oh, I should have noticed that. There's a remarkable physical resemblance to Dr. John G. Trump, POTUS’ uncle and Julian Assange.

"John George Trump (August 21, 1907 – February 21, 1985) was an American electrical engineer, inventor, and physicist. A professor at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology from 1936 to 1973, he was a recipient of the National Medal of Science and a member of the National Academy of Engineering. John Trump was noted for developing rotational radiation therapy. Together with Robert J. Van de Graaff, he developed one of the first million-volt X-ray generators. He was the paternal uncle of Pres. Donald Trump. ~ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_G._Trump.

"Assange isn't really under arrest. It was all part of a ruse for the Mainstream Media to buy into it, to brand him a certain way. He’s played a very dangerous role. None of this has been safe and easy for Julian Assange. He’s put himself at risk, but then that whole Trump family has.

"And there’s much more to this Trump family that we’re talking about that is yet to come. You don’t know all of it yet, what's coming out next. There will be another person in this family that’s going to be able to shine in the coming months because this is all about Technology at the end of the day and making electricity free again via Tesla.

"AG Barr was placed well in advance to be a fly on the wall for the CIA. They realized a long time ago, from the Kennedys, that the CIA was too far gone and too dangerous to try and take down, too many [CIA] tentacles out there, so they haven’t even tried to take down the CIA, they just cut them off. The CIA is now what it has always been it’s just in plain sight now, a rogue agency, they exist for the 13-families and that’s all they answer to. JFK said, “I will splinter the CIA into a thousand pieces and scatter it into the winds.”

THE13 BLOODLINE FAMILIES

1 House of Borja 2 House of Breakspeare 3 House of Somaglia 4 House of Orsini 5 House of Conti 6 House of Chigi 7 House of Colonna 8 House of Farnese 9 House of Medici 10 House of Gaetani 11 House of Pamphili 12 House of Este 13 House of Aldobrandini

"AG Barr has gleaned a lot of information that’s been valuable in helping them understand the CIA’s role in all of this and what they were likely to do when this all came down, so, DECLAS is everything because the NSA and Trump have Everything.

"By June of 2017, only 6-months in office, Trump had, for the most part, cleaned most of the swamp, restructured the DOJ and the FBI, which is most important and some other key offices closer to home, closer to the Pres., were all cleaned out and the proper people that they had waiting in the wings were put in place.

"In the Summer of 2017 Trump first went to Saudi Arabia. He paid a visit to the Crown Prince Alwaleed bin Talal at that time. Alwaleed got right into the adrenochrome thing and the harvesting of children and Saudi Arabia began to put in massive tunnel networks underneath the ground because Alwaleed got sucked in by the cabal/the 13-Families as a HUGE player, one of the 3-main arms of their cabal weaponry.

"He was exalted with enormous power among the minions. Alwaleed became one of the key minions by going really evil and there were a lot of Saudis that didn’t like this. You can say what you want about their beliefs but a lot of people draw the lines with children. This is why Alwaleed needed to be taken down first.

"There are articles everywhere in the Mainstream media, CBS news, do your own research, after Trump left Saudi Arabia in July 2017. He was arrested, taken down, and in his place was Mohammed bin Salman (Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia) who was not okay with what Alwaleed was doing.

"Alwaleed hand-picked Obama as somebody they could work with, exalt into power, and he’s the guy that funded Obama and that’s why Obama has this real kind of Muslim background, because Alwaleed of Saudi Arabia was the one who decided they’d make Obama this lynchpin of US Presidents.

"If you’re not aware of this as a kid, Obama was passed around as a sex toy in these big gatherings of powerful men. He was sodomized so it explains a lot about B. Obama but it doesn’t excuse him for anything, just suffice to know he had a rough upbringing, so he was ripe for the picking and Alwaleed funded him. Alwaleed got Saudi Arabia heavily invested in adrenochrome and child sex trafficking and the set up and the murder of all of these children for adrenochrome.

"So when Trump arrived in the Summer of 2017, he laid out all the documents. That’s what they did to everyone. They had huge folders and the folders had all the documents, photographs, disks, CDs and DVDs and the CDs and DVDs had fantastic production value and it had all of their footage doing the most horrific things.

"The NSA has it all on all of these people. The BIG things that scared them the most were these DVD compilations of their greatest hits of evil/horrific acts. So Trump was there the first day and handed all this stuff out. The 2nd day both the Crown Prince and the King both submitted publicly control over Saudi Arabia to Donald J. Trump.

"We know this, because they publicly held the Sword Dance ritual, which is a very big deal in the Muslim culture, only the King holds the sword, but we have the images here, and who’s holding the sword? Who is at the very center at the top of the podium, who everyone else is in support of? Donald J. Trump is holding the sword. He is at the center of the state. This is Saudi Arabia publicly capitulating and in one of the photos we have it shows the Saudi King looking like he’s about to die, he’s in so much pain at what’s going on here.

"They just handed over the keys to Saudi Arabia to Donald J. Trump in the Summer of 2017. That was Step #1.

"After the declassification of the documents by the NSA… this was Step #1. Saudi Arabia was the big player, so they had to get on site. What is important to know is where Trump went next, he went with Saudi Arabia as part of his Team. Trump didn’t just go there and take them down, they’re now working for him, earning credits towards their own safe salvation and their own not being as harshly punished as they could have been. We’ll see how that all plays out.

"Saudi Arabia is part of the Q-Team now and the new Crown Prince that replaced Alwaleed was bin Salman and he really stepped up and became a key player and did a lot of things to help Donald Trump.

"Step #2 Trump went immediately to Israel. Remember how angry everyone got at those pictures of Donald J. Trump at the wailing wall confirming all of our worst fears that he was a Zionist tool? Let me burst your bubbles here a little bit. This whole thing of Israel being the lynchpin, none of its even real, It’s all fakery, subterfuge, there’s no such thing as a genetic Jew. There’s Hungarians, Poles, Germans and Czechs, Jews are just like us, there’s no genetic race called the Jew. Israel is the ultimate Trojan Horse designed to take you down a rabbit hole and there’s no getting out of this rabbit hole because none of this really exists. Just like they’re playing the black card now [BLM] they love to play the Jew card.

"So they invented all of this with the Jews and then bad Jews, the Zions. I feel so terrible for all the people who were dragged into this, beautiful people. Remember folk, there’s just the Venetians, just those 13-families. They created this ultimate Trojan Horse.

"Trump went to Israel and he sat down with everybody in front of the camera and behind the camera with people who are really in power and he laid it all out on these minions. I'm talking to you, he said, not who you try to present yourself to be. I’m talking to YOU, minion, Netanyahu and everybody else, who is a child eater. This is for you and you have a choice to make here. They were balking at Trump, even though the Saudi’s had signed over. The Israeli’s were balking at Trump and were not prepared to sign over and that’s why Trump stayed an extra day. Trump was not going to leave Israel until they capitulated to him.

"The 'how do you know moment' is after visiting the wailing wall Israel publicly submitted by allowing the US to move their embassy to Jerusalem with our US Military protection. This is a symbolic act to show who has the power even in the Holy Land with the Jews and the Zionists. It was only done for one reason, to show those who had eyes to see it that Trump had now taken down Israel. So Step #2 was completed. Saudi Arabia and Israel are on board as part of the Q Team.

"Then Trump went to the Vatican and presented to Pope Francis a massive folder and said, 'Take your time, have a look. You may want to put your red shoes.' Trump is saying, I’m not leaving here until you sign some documents for me. It took the Vatican only that night and the next day they capitulated to Donald Trump.

And there’s a very famous photo in that Summer of 2017 of POTUS in Vatican City, next to Francis where Francis looks like he’s been run over by about 60 semi-trucks and Trump has a look on his face that is a mixture of victory, joy and mischievousness, like he knows he’s committed a big act here, a massive grin on his face.

"Now what did the Vatican have to do to sign off? The Fed is controlled by a certain group within the Catholic Church who went forth and spread the teachings of Christianity they twisted. They're the Jesuits, the real MAFIA, not holy men.

"Every little group of Mafia in every single town across this vast Earth, every little MAFIA pays homage to this particular group in the Catholic Church. They are in charge. They are the true Mafia and they were in control of the Fed. The MAFIA acronym stands for 'Morte Alla Francia Italia Anelia' or ‘Death To The French Is Italy’s Cry.’

"So Trump did not leave until Pope Francis issued a Papal Bull (a public decree, charter issued by a pope) announcing that by a certain date that the Vatican Bank, which was in charge of, the exchequer of all of the Earth-wide Federal Reserve banking systems in each country, will be handed over to one Donald J. Trump. Donald J. Trump is not marked just the executor, the exchequer of the US Treasury and therefore the Fed within the US.

TRUMP IS THE EXCHEQUER FOR EARTH

"He is the exchequer for the Treasuries for every single country on Earth. No human being in history has ever been more powerful, owned more things, or richer than Donald J. Trump.

"Where does this leaves the Rothschilds? At this meeting that cut the legs off at the knees of the Rothschilds in London. London was the financial arm of the cabal, Washington DC was the Military, Rome was the Central Brain, they call it Spirit, but it’s not, it was the Central Brain of this unholy trinity of power and what they did by doing this? Trump’s thinking is like the CIA and the Rothschilds and the Financial City of London is too evil, too far gone, don’t even want to work with them and he’s not, he circumvented them.

"Like the crucifixion in human physiology you can’t get through atlas, the 33rd vertebrae, so you have to go up and around. Trump went up and around the Rothschilds who are really a nasty evil piece of work.

"The atlas is the first cervical vertebra, commonly called C1. It is an atypical cervical vertebra with unique features. It articulates with the dens of the axis and the occiput, respectively allowing rotation of the head, and flexion, extension and lateral flexion of the head.

"The City of London, in the Summer of 2017, and I'm talking about the real City of London owned by, ultimately, the Venetians, but run by the Rothschilds, had their legs cut off at the knees and they have not been a real player ever since. All of their power was cut off. They have been forced to do some really humbling things over the last 18 months in particular by POTUS. So the Rothschilds are still looking for their legs from the knees down. That was Step #3. The 3 main arms of this evil unholy pyramid have now been controlled, Saudi Arabia, Israel, and the Vatican, his first 3 stops.

"When Trump left Rome he flew directly to Brussels and you all know the 2 big players that are in Brussels the European Parliamentary for the EU and NATO. Trump called a meeting. They were all there, the political heads along with their finance ministers and then all of the behind-the-scenes individual players were all there for this meeting and Trump very famously came late, he made them sweat this out, they didn’t know what to think and what was coming, so Trump makes them wait. He walks in late and throws this big folder on the table and said, 'We have it all.' What’s your answer? He played incredible hardball with the EU and NATO and in short order those little cowards all capitulated in very short order.

"There was a whole bunch of things that occurred in the following days from there including the EU backing down on BREXIT and NATO having to step up and basically pay for the bulk and all of these different Nations instead of the US having to fund all of them. It’s not like that’s a big deal in terms of saving money or anything, it’s symbolic.

Donald Trump said to Them, 'YOU’RE GOING TO PAY FOR NATO FROM NOW ON, WE’RE NOT, BECAUSE I’M IN CHARGE and you do what I tell you to do.' When the photo op came for this famous meeting in Brussels, Trump again came late. All the film crews are there and all these heads of the EU and NATO are there all under bright lights in their fancy suits and they’re all sweating like crazy. He walks in late, acknowledging none of them and he’s whistling when he comes in and he just showed everyone who was there that he was in charge of the meeting, He disseminated the information to the press and then he left. He owns the EU and NATO and that’s why they’ve done everything they’ve done ever since.

"In October of 2017 there was an attempt on the life of the new Saudi Crown Prince, bin Salman, who replaced Alwaleed as he was helping Trump in this little operation that was set for him in Las Vegas (Hotel Mandalay Bay) was taken down at the last second and he was protected. There’s conflicting reports whether Alwaleed is still in custody or if he’s been exterminated now for this indiscretion from behind-the-scenes.

"What happened at this Las Vegas battle when bin Salman was saved by the US Military through the INTEL received by the NSA and then given to bin Salman by Trump is that he was asked to take on an even bigger role and he agreed to do it. He basically said to Trump, 'Anything my brother.'

"So what happened next is that staying in the US on Trump’s behalf, bin Salman went to all of the major corporations, in particular the Media Companies like Google, Apple, Facebook, Twitter, Microsoft, all these main companies were all targeted by bin Salman on Trump’s behalf and he visited all of them. This is all verifiable. I’ve got all the documentation, all of the imagery showing all of these meetings taking place in late October, early November of 2017.

"This is bin Salman essentially helping Trump to do all of this work for him. He visited all of these puppet heads for all of these puppet companies and he basically read them the riot act, showed them the documentation that the NSA had on all of them, and basically said, 'You play for Team Trump. Trump is now in control of these corporations or DECLAS. All of this information will be declassified one by one and each one of you will be offered up to the masses as a child murderer.' So they all capitulated and there’s the money shots of all of these heads of all of these various companies including Jack Dorsey for Twitter.

"So all this stuff that’s been going on lately of the censorship of Trump by Twitter is all part of the game being played-out for people to get angry and to wake-up to what the heck is the evil that’s going on and to say something about it.

"From there, in late Nov. 2017 Trump took his Asian tour and again it’s the same thing. He went to Japan first and did the same thing and the Japanese capitulated without much fight at all.

"The symbolic gesture was at this Sumo Wrestling Championship Event that was taking place. They had Trump come on stage, and this is only supposed to be the highest figure in the land, to present this enormous trophy to the champion Sumo wrestler. It is the symbolization of Japanese submission to Trump, the NSA and the Q-Plan.

"From there, and Q-Anons did great stuff working this out, all of this stuff with North Korea that started when Trump left Japan and flew directly to South Korea and this first meeting was ostensibly to see if they could talk peace with North Korea. But no, what it was to get all these Asian governments to capitulate their control over to Trump via all the documents / DVDs / CDs they (NSA) had. Remember, one of the biggest arms of procuring children for adrenochrome has always been Asia and Southeast Asia and the Southeast Asian countries have been in cahoots with Hollywood and Washington DC politicians.

"So a lot of these people who NEED children have leaned heavily upon these Southeast Asian governments to procure for them children they demanded from them and they’ve done it for years. So Trump showed up showing all the documentation that they (NSA) had showing that they were all complicit and that these were all capital punishment criminal acts, so they all capitulated.

"And in secret, when Trump had that first meeting, he went to the North Korean border and met with Kim jong un and began the process of peace talks with the North Koreans. Trump in subterfuge, in silence, completed those things on his own and then as a HUGE surprise to the Mainstream Media announced his treaty with Kim and the North Koreans.

"All of this was done because all Trump had to do was to show him the power that he had, and that was now all of these countries and all of these countries are not just stepping down from doing evil, they are also being forced into helping the Q-Plan. All of these countries are now part of this process to help.

"The next stop was China, and this was huge, and I know you have been very pleasantly surprised to see what the Chinese Free Peoples have announced publicly through Steve Bannon the 'New Federal State of China.’ Another story the Mainstream Media forgot to tell us about. China has kicked out the Communists-devil-worshiping-satanists. It’s huge and the Mainstream Media ignored all of it.

"In the Spring, not long after Trump had become President, President Xi Jinping visited Trump at Mar-a-Lago in Florida, Trump’s big resort house in Florida. Trump hasn’t been president for that long and people were absolutely shocked. Mainstream Media didn’t do much of a job reporting on this. He came all the way from China and met Trump at Trump’s leisure at Mar-a-Lago. That’s huge!

"So after Trump cleaned  all the houses in Southeast Asia he then went to China and He meets Xi in the Forbidden City. This is HUGE! It’s called the Forbidden City for a reason because it’s a very private, Spiritual, secretive place to Chinese heritage and culture,

"And that’s where they met and that was at Trump’s request with every one of these things there’s always a marker showing how each of these Nations has capitulated powerfully to Trump as their overlord. Meeting with Trump in the Forbidden City is probably the biggest one! You can’t imagine how big this was. And of course the Mainstream Media was silent about all that.

"And at that meeting, apparently, the Americans were very surprised to find out how desperately these Chinese officials wanted these evil Communists within their midst to be kicked out. They wanted to get away from all of this evil.

"Remember, some of the worst possible things have taken place in China and it is horrifying to people who have a conscience. Not everyone is an evil person.

"So they met Trump with open arms and capitulated to Trump’s authority willingly because they wanted this end to the cabal-rule over them through the subterfuge of a Communist State.

"I know it’s felt that the general public is not ready to handle this explosive information yet, and yet I'm able to reveal all this stuff on the podcast today, maybe tens of thousands of people will hear this. Very limited far from the Mainstream general populous getting to hear about this. I was the first one to say that no, EVERYTHING IS A LIE. And I mean EVERY-THING IS A LIE. And then going into the Religious aspect of things that Jesus is this figure of this Swiss looking dude by the name of Jesus Christ isn’t real. He’s got some good stuff, granted, and he and Colleen and good people for what they do, working so hard with all of the Animals.

"So there’s a reason why we have 4,000 subscribers and not 40,000 or 400,000 when all we teach is the Holistic Truth so we’re kind of insulated by TELLING THE TRUTH.

"We’re very safe to have this knowledge to come out no matter what happens moving forward our services are going to be desperately needed and some of these others, not so much. It’ll all come out in the end, I promise you.

"So after China Trump went to Vietnam in Nov. 2017 and at this very public ceremony Trump was placed slightly ahead and to the right of the Vietnam President and showed himself to be in charge so what the Vietnamese promised was to stop their participation in procuring children, human sex trafficking.

"They capitulated quickly. Most of these did not put up a fight, folks. Israel put up the biggest fight.

"Now this is a big one for me, you talk about going into the Lion’s den, the big one after Vietnam and the end of the Asian tour for Trump. In Jan. 2018, Trump attended a very famous meeting because of everyone who was purported to be there at Davos, Switzerland.

"This was quite a big deal. Soros was there as well at this meeting. You’re talking about the biggest international corporations in the world, these are the key players, the most evil met at Davos, Switzerland, it was called by Trump. That’s not what they said publicly, of course. Trump came in late again, sat at the very middle of the table, and basically everyone was wrapped around Trump because he was the boss of this meeting.

"Trump laid out documents and folders. He started with envelopes, very similar to what occurred at the George H.W. Bush funeral when he first arrived and you had a lot of very worried people for the meeting the next day because of what was said in these envelopes the day before.

"And then the next day at this meeting he provided a whole bunch more information about each one of these evil ___ and the meeting went very quickly. This is a very scary place to go to Davos, Switzerland with the caves and tunnels underneath those mountains and they could have abducted him and said that this was some kind of kidnapping and they don’t know where he is. This is BIG!I’m sure he didn’t go there alone. This was Trump at his most vulnerable was this Jan. 2018 meeting in the Lion’s Den at Davos, Switzerland. Must have had crazy security for that trip.

"And like scared little rodents they capitulated quite quickly. Trump played it quite well with those envelopes the first night and then made them sweat it overnight and then the folders the next day and they capitulated and Trump did not leave without them.

"And remember, this is not just saying to Nestle that you’re not going to poison the water anymore, but you’re also working for us. And, 'What we ask you to do, you do and if you don’t we go public one by one, we don’t make this look like one big conspiracy, you’re a lone nut, a sick child abuser and we’re going to pick on you individually. We're going to single you out and eat you alive,' That’s what Trump said to each of them.

"So they all capitulated at this meeting and this is a huge one because these are the biggest companies. HSBC was there, this is evil, the faces of evil were at this meeting and George Soros was at this meeting.

"There has been a notable absence of ISIS terror attacks. I don’t think we’ve heard from ISIS for a good couple of years or more. Let’s do the John McCain map here. When John McCain was alive, when was John McCain spending a lot of time in the Middle East and when did John McCain get taken out with dishonorable discharge and dishonorable funeral? He was dishonorably discharged from the Military before he was shot in the back of the head. Then ISIS seemed to go away. John McCain had to nurse those idiots into doing the things they did. ISIS was his charge and that’s why you have so many shots of McCain in the Middle East hanging out with all of ISIS evil heads.

"Then Trump went to India. He took India and made India work for him.

"Then the Central Americas, starting with Mexico, Amlo (Andres Manual Lopez Obrador, President of Mexico since Dec. 2018) he was quite resistant. He didn’t want to give up eating children or give up his power to Trump, but he did.

"From Mexico City he went to all of the Central American countries, they all signed over and in all of these meetings, all of these various leaders, AMLO included, all were clasping their hands together, their wrists together like they were being bound.

"We get to Brazil and the new Brazilian Pres. of Brazil thinks he’s got the best job in the world because he’s far away from the bright lights of the Mainstream news and he can just rape and go to the bank in Brazil. Trump pays him a visit and tells him he’s working for Trump and so they have this public meeting where once again, Pres. Bolsonaro submits to Trump as well.

"And then after Trump leaves, one of the first acts that Bolsonaro did as the Pres., and this is very key, all of these key arrests after Trump leaves these countries of key pedophilia cover companies and individuals and Bolsonaro arrests Oprah’s best friend, that beautiful man of God Faria, who is running one of the largest child trafficking and adrenochrome production facilities in the world, an absolute monster, Oprah’s best pal, He was arrested shortly after Trump left Brazil.

"Then he went to Argentina, which has long been a safe haven because it’s as far as people can get away. Obama was planning his safe escape, his retreat there, if certain things should come out. He spent a lot of time in Argentina as did a lot of people.

And the Argentinian Pres., who is such a corrupt person, Mauricio Macri (2015-2019). He’s just brutal. Trump was so disrespectful to this guy. They had the G7 in Argentina so they had the global banksters there. Trump’s behavior to this Argentine was just brutal, treating him like the scum of the Earth that he is. Of course he capitulated.

"The press always presents this as Trump not observing protocol. This big thing with this Argentinian Pres. is that Trump just up and walked off the stage. Trump had felt he’d spent long enough on stage, for like 5 minutes, for a photo-op. it’s a power move, basically saying you’re scum of the Earth, we know who you re, just obey what we tell you to do or else.

"And then at the G7 Summit in Canada. He had horrific pedophile and adrenochromer Justin Trudeau was hosting the meeting. He was there. Angela Merkel was there as well and she was one of the big ones Trump wanted to have be there as well because she didn’t play a major role back in Brussels, so at this meeting he got everyone there but in particular, it was the capitulation of Justin Trudeau of Canada and Angela Merkel of Germany. Both of them did the same thing, spent most of the G7 meeting with hands clasped like they were in handcuffs. Trump did a lot of very suggestive gestures to Trudeau as well, kind of pointing out some stuff.

"One of the ones Trump treated the absolute worst was the French Pres. Macron, who is so known for being a Rothschild stooge and a horrible adrenochromer. And the stuff that Trump did with this clown in public, in front of the press and the media to make him look bad was actually incredible, so he got Macron to capitulate also.

"Now, Teresa May in the UK resigned to allow Boris Johnson to take over as a Trump supporter. Remember May crying and crying and she couldn’t control herself? The real reason she was actually crying is not just all the stuff they had on her, but Trump showed her INTEL from the NSA that the Venetians were actually planning on taking her out. She was actually set for an assassination. Trump showed her all the INTEL all the detail on where and when she was going to be hit and how, so he basically saved her life. The objective of taking her out was perhaps to get Boris Johnson in. They must have had somebody else they wanted in. Boris Johnson is a strong character. he does appear to be strongly evil, but if he is playing this role.

"At the speech at the UN. and the first half of that speech,  Boris Johnson showed you that an evil mechanism is in place, the cabal is running things. But then he ended with covid and the vaccine. Remove this fake evil gov't from power. Don’t wait till 2020 to do it. Johnson should be taken down. He’s been a horrific Prime Minister surrounded by horrific people.

"And then of course, his famous trip to Buckingham Palace and there’s a lot of conjecture if that was even the real Queen that was there that day, because she famously has the most body doubles in place, but his behavior was just incredible. He just walked all over her everywhere he went and that Camilla Parker, she really hated it. She was incensed by Trump’s apparent lack of protocol. Trump walked right up to Prince Charles, that’s a good indicator that Charles wasn’t even there. Trump stepped ahead of Charles and started to walk away at a pace that Charles couldn’t keep up. He walked over to Charles’ private guard and began shooting the breeze with him.

"The coup de grâce shot was Trump managed to have a photo-op in Winston Churchill’s leather-bound-chair, looking like the Boss.

"And then from there he went to Norway and met Putin there. At this meeting between the 2 of them, they’re both at the podium. Putin has a soccer ball. It’s symbolic about the adrenochrome molecule that looks like a soccer ball. It’s horrific, horrific, but you couldn’t put it more in plain sight in front of all the press taking their pictures and video. Putin hands over to Donald Trump and he famously says, 'The ball is in your court now, Mr. Pres.' so does everyone get that Putin hands Trump at this public conference. Putin is saying 'We’re on your Team, please don’t have us killed, the ball is in your court and we just want you to know we work for you now.' I’m sure that’ll all come out eventually who in the Political realm is working with Trump.

"Not a bad first 3-1/2 years of work. A pretty good track record. Even away from all the Trump stuff, the adrenochrome stuff sticks out like a sore thumb. The mechanism for eventually communicating all of this to the masses is presumably going to require an emergency takeover of the Broadcast Networks and what’s going to happen is that the only thing that will be available via multiple sources of signals will be the one channel and it will be from GITMO, Guantanamo Bay, the Military Tribunals where all of these people who are left are going to be accused and sentenced.

"That’s the big thing how this all plays out because there’s no real defense. They all tried to make their defense by capitulating. Again, Kevin Spacey, Geoffrey Epstein, the Bush family, when everyone was at the funeral service for GHW Bush when they were all served those letters, they requested meetings with Trump after that.

"Trump arrives at good old Timberwolf’s funeral. He arrived late, interrupted the service. He was in the front row and he interrupted all of these past sitting presidents and the entire service. He made a mockery of this service to the monster known as George HW Buch, code name 'Timberwolf.'

"And they all had an ashen face after they got their envelopes. And let me throw you the punch line. Trump had them and he’s had famous people deliver pizzas in public. Do you see the significance in doing this?

Image: Hillary served, Pence served, Biden served, GW Bush served.

"Why would he have Kevin Spacey deliver pizzas in public? Why would Donald Trump have George W. Bush serve pizza to the Secret Service during the shutdown? And make sure this was a photo-op and have photos taken of it? It’s submission and it’s also symbolism will be their downfall and also what these Secret Service guys had to witness as security for these evil folks.

"There were millions of victims in WW3. It’s just different, these Secret Service agents, all of those Royal guards where Trump famously outpaces Prince Charles. What do you think he’s saying to the Royal guard, 'I love you guys, I can’t imagine what you guys have had to witness, just know that help is coming.'

"So there are a ton of victims, the #1 victims are the kids, when the numbers come forward you’re going to be sick to your stomach. This is WW3. This is the worst war ever. It doesn’t seem that way, but it is. We are saving the children and it’s certainly worth pausing the world to do so.

"He took Nancy Pelosi down very famously, Gavin Newsom, Gov. Jerry Brown. He took them down very publicly. In fact, it’s after those Paradise fires in California… there was a video of Trump with boots on the ground checking out the source of the fires and for 3 straight minutes both Newsom and Jerry brown had their hands wrapped together behind their backs, they were told to have their hands behind their backs for the whole 3-minutes as their walking in the wreckage, the insanity of those Paradise fires.

"Trump forced New York Gov. Cuomo with his nipple piercings in showing under his shirt, and not a single person in the press said anything, and in one shot Cuomo was forced to pull back his jacket and unveil the whole front of his chest. Hey Gov. why are you wearing nipple piercing? The back story to this is the footage that Trump had on Cuomo is there was a ‘party’ where there was child murder, torture going on, and Cuomo was all beaded up in ceremonial paint with these big nipple rings.

"You can see how Trump can be pretty tough here. You’re pretty proud of those nipple rings when you’re killing kids. How about you wear those nipple rings at your next press conference? And he did what he was told.

"If the cabal knows its days are numbered, there’s every chance they might try to roll out every weapon they have in their arsenal at this point you would think. So they pulled the George Floyd, Black Lives Matter stunt out of their toolkit. Have they been so muted by now and rendered so impotent as so many of the ringmasters have been put out of action, so they don’t really have that many tricks up their sleeve. just the Mainstream media and all the propaganda and fear that they can spread through that.

"We do you expect more false flag stunts between now and Nov., but not to the same extent. Soros has been removed. I’m not saying that I know that Soros has been murdered or not, because a Soros trial publicly would be exactly what they want. Just like Oprah, people are calling. 'If they killed Tom Hanks, please kill Oprah.' No they don’t want to do these things. They want people to have their first of 2-judgement days, the only one that really matters and they want one for Soros. Soros has been removed, but I think he’s still alive. They want these key people for these trials.

"The ones that they have killed, they have had to do so. When one child’s life is at risk they made the decision to execute. So the ones they have executed are the ones that posed the greatest threats to children, and that’s why Tom Hanks has been taken out. We were told Rita Wilson as well, I have no idea whether that’s true or not, but she might as well be. Did you see those pictures of Rita Wilson in her last days? Or last photos that exist of her? She was missing her adrenochrome so much.

"There's a picture that Tom Hanks had taken in Australia of some Vegemite spread on some toast, and there appears to be an image carved into the Vegemite on the toast, Again more symbolism. Most people didn’t get the symbolism of the glass of water tilted up on the side of the plate but the water is level. People are saying see it’s a mistake. No, this is Australia and he’s been taken into custody by the US Marines and the Marines are the ones that have been going ship-to-shore all around the world. Marines have been doing all of the International arrests, so he was on a US Naval Ship. I take all of that that he was going to be executed that day. That was his last message. The image was of a hanged man.

"It's a disgusting good-bye, talking about little boys, little kids) and I make no apologies. That’s Tom Hanks being a devil to the absolute end. So if you’re wondering why Hanks was taken out? It’s because they could not guarantee the safety of children with that man alive. So how sick and evil was Tom Hanks?

"And it’s all going to come out, what he was really doing and what he was really behind. Tom Hanks was behind a massive, massive organization. How does that psychologically affect you? It affects me because I liked Tom Hanks as an actor and I used to think he was a fairly decent person. And just knowing that I even liked someone like that, and the thought of the things that he’s done. It just makes me want to take a shower I feel so dirty.

"The takedown of the deep state criminals and all these pedophiles, etc., is something that will be welcomed by anyone in their right mind. Everyone would want that! What lies beyond all this? What will the world look like once this system has been dismantled under Donald Trump? So when he enters his 2nd Term how can we be sure it wouldn’t just be another expression of a kind of New World Order One World Government just under Donald Trump in his vision? And also, what will happen at the end of Trump’s 2nd term? Presumably he’s going to get re-elected in Nov. That will take him to 2024 then by which point he’ll be 78 years of age. What happens then?

"Trump is going to walk away from all of this. He’s not going to continue on with this much longer. This has taken an incredible toll on him. He’s done it at his age because Trump is a very remarkable Soul. He has a strong will of life. There's a lot of things about Donald Trump that people don’t know. His maturity and wisdom, about the Spiritual side of Donald Trump as well.

"If you really understood your numerology and symbology you’d absolutely know, and so the biggest reason we know and are absolutely sure about so many things is for all the numerology and symbology that has always been used by the Q-team, by Q, by John F. Kennedy Jr., by Donald J. Trump. There’s never been a mistake in a situation where they used the wrong symbology. It’s always beautiful.

"Trump and the Q movement are trying to really create leaders. We are to all become leaders. And that’s why they will give it back to the people but before that, we need to find out who we really Are. And what’s really been going on. And that’s what the Great Awakening is and that’s what all this is about and that’s why we’re doing what we do, and why you all do all you’re do. We’re trying to create Leaders, not followers, or creating money for ourselves. It’s about creating a mindset for people to go and discover their own truth. There’s a truth out there we need to discover. It’s been hidden from us. When we realize all of that we will be the people that we need to be.

"We can then run our own Shambhala Communities completely free of the techno-matrix and eventually money. We don’t need politicians and so-called authorities. We will not let ourselves get into this predicament again where we give our power away.

"What do we have to prove that Trump is going to do this? I think we’ve laid out a lot of who Trump is and what he’s about and we have to have faith at some point. And we have to grow up. We have to become responsible for our own lives, for our families and our own actions. When that happens we will be the regenerated Ascended Master that can do all of those wonderful things and share in this incredible world that they say, 'We’ve taken the evil, now what am I going to do?'

"And if this does turn out to be just another Social Engineering psyop it would be just about the cruelest psyop ever played on the public psyche. One of false hope. It would be but I know it’s not. And again, that’s not just a hope statement, if you know your symbology, if you know your numerology, you know all of this is relatively real in the Dream. This Awareness is ancient Spiritual Godly, as is the symbology and numerology. It's beautiful and what they use all the time.

"Trump is constantly making references out of the Bible to the highest, most beautiful thing and when Trump talks about Religion or his Spiritual nature or when Q—John F. Kennedy Jr., it’s always God! The ultimate power is God and why would we not go straight to God? The ruse of Religion is they’ve become the intermediaries between you and God. It’s all going to come out.

"Big things have always been the Plan. They’ll continue the resurrection of GEORGE from the pages of GEORGE magazine 'Platform 2020' on GEORGE mag with the Full Moon over Mount Rushmore. Donald Trump has announced he’ll be there. It happens to be on a magazine cover of Feb. 1998 owned by his best friend in the world, John F. Kennedy Jr. who said, 'If my dear friend Donald Trump ever decided to sacrifice his fabulous billionaire lifestyle to become President--he would be an unstoppable force for ultimate justice that Democrats and Republicans alike would celebrate.' ~ John F. Kennedy Jr., GEORGE magazine, June 1999

"When you hear these stories from behind the scenes that Donald Trump is doing this to aid in the completion of his favorite President, which is JFK, to help the dream of the President’s son, JFK Jr. who went to such an extent that he faked his own death and went underground for 21-years to put together the master Plan that will take down this fake techno-matrix world. 'I will expose my father’s killers no matter who they are, even if I have to bring down the whole government.' ~ John F. Kennedy, Jr.

"And then he disappeared and there’s a beauty to this and people who don’t get this have anger in their lives. The people that get this have Love in their hearts. Those that are not getting this and are worried that suddenly this Angelic Creation in Donald Trump who’s doing this like he needs this like he needs a hole in his head is somehow evil? These people lack Love and balance inside.

"That’s why we teach meditation, Qi Gong, Tai Chi, diet—all of these things are going to be so important as we move forward in the year 2021. HEALING is what is going to happen.

"Society is going to be very slow to get back to work and pretty soon it’s going to be the election, after that election, after the Winter Solstice when the Sun is the lowest that it can possibly be there’s going to be a time for Soul reflection and that’s when these tribunals are going to start and that’s when all of this is going to come out in 2021. Then all of us will be needed to help everyone fully Awaken and lead the way of all exiting the cities of the dying techno-matrix system into the Shambhala Communities that will eventually replace all cities worldwide.

"I know these things and I know that Donald Trump is aiding John F. Kennedy Jr. in avenging his father’s death and completing the Plan. It was his Father and his Uncle’s Plan of giving back Liberty to those that have the strength to grasp it and freeing Humanity completely from the techno-matrix.

[junker-town]

Aqib Talib snatched Michael Crabtree’s chain again, plus 6 more things we loved about Week 12 in the NFL

Julio Jones took ankles, internet browser requests to fire John Fox, and the Eagles have too much sauce.

We all slept on it, and we shouldn’t have.

The first matchup between Michael Crabtree and Aqib Talib since Talib snatched his chain off his neck, like T.I. did to Lauren London in ATL, has been on the NFL schedules for months, and none of us made note of it. Shame on us, as “NFL fans” for not acknowledging this predictably momentous day ahead of time.

In the first quarter of the game, Crabtree was blocking Talib, who saw the perfect opportunity to once again steal his neck piece. It let to both of the players spilling over into the Broncos’ sideline, locked with more strength than the links on Crab’s chain:

Here’s the entire exchange for your viewing pleasure, with punches thrown by both Talib and Crabtree at the end:

Crabtree, Talib, and Raiders guard Gabe Jackson were all ejected in the brawl. After Talib’s ejection, he was escorted through the Raiders’ sideline by Marshawn Lynch.

But there was a twist that emerged after the game. Chris Harris Jr. pointed out that Crabtree had given him an uppercut to the stomach the play before:

“I have never seen that in the NFL,” Harris said. “Today, he just came out wanting to fight. He didn’t want to play football. It was the second play of the game. It was a run play, I was playing man, and I wasn’t even doing anything. He just came in there, was like BAM, hit me right in the middle of the stomach and I just lost my breath.”

Broncos safety Justin Simmons backed that up, saying, “He said that Crabtree had hit him, uppercut him on the stomach on his way out. So Aqib took that personal.”

But let’s take a step back here a second. The first time Talib took Crabtree’s chain off his neck took some guts. You don’t do that unless you 1. know that person isn’t retaliating, or 2. you are really about it, and know you can back up such a disrespectful thing.

And there wasn’t bad blood there previously. Talib just didn’t vibe with Crabtree’s look.

“He’s just been wearing that chain all year and it just been growing on me,” Talib said last season. “I said if he wears that chain in front of me I’m going to snatch it off. So he wore it in front of me so I had to snatch it off.”

My personal equivalent to that would be taking these Wahl clippers straight through Mark Davis’ hair so he can start over, but that’s neither here nor there.

Even in a second matchup, you have to be an entirely different savage to do it again. Crabtree knew that — while he played it cool last time — he had to swing on Talib. You can’t let another man do that to you twice with no retaliation. At that point, his teammates are going to lose respect for him if he doesn’t, and maybe some family members too.

Clearly Crabtree was feeling some type of way going into the game — but he directed his anger at the wrong person, and Talib still took his chain.

Honestly, if the NFL put this one on Pay-Per-View, I’m shelling out the dough and having a party at my place. The NFL is lacking any kind of a rivalry that we can look forward to. Even if this one was bound to end in the first round, I’m never going to say no to watching one make snatch the chain off of another and enjoying whatever comes next.

Also while we’re here, I photoshopped this, but some people on the internet thought my skills were so sharp that it was real:

wow that stat http://pic.twitter.com/C6lZQIwgN5

— Harry Lyles Jr. (@harrylylesjr) November 26, 2017

Anyway, there were other revenge games this week like Blaine Gabbert vs. the Jaguars, and Alshon Jeffery vs. the Bears, but this is the only one that actually mattered.

If Talib does this again next year, we’re going to have to start calling him Debo.

Here’s what else was great about Week 12.

Quintorris Lopez Jones of the House Atlanta, The First of His Name, Receiver of Footballs, Father of Defensive Backs, and Taker of Ankles

JULIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHMYGOD!

Julio Jones had himself A Game on Sunday afternoon against the Buccaneers. And before you can be a troll and tell me it came against the Bucs, let me tell you from my most sincere spot in my heart — I don’t care.

To go along with his 12 receptions, 253 yards and two touchdowns, he also had a pair of ankles:

That is Ryan Smith, who basically left one of those tape outlines you see at a crime scene at the eight-yard line.

Julio absolutely cooked him like the Thanksgiving turkey he had on Thursday. He then finished it with a delicious dive to the end zone, like some sweet potato casserole (shout out to my mom, who cooks better than yours, though I hope you had a good Thanksgiving anyway).

There isn’t a catch Antonio Brown can’t complete

The Steelers had 17 seconds to get into field goal range from their own 30 while tied at 28 after forcing the Packers into a three-and-out. It was all they needed.

Antonio Brown came down with one of the best fundamental catches of the season. He was full extension, eyes on the ball, left foot planted flat in bounds, while narrowly dragging his right to secure this catch:

It led to Chris Boswell tying the longest field goal in Heinz Field history with a 53-yarder to win the game.

My takeaway from this: I am convinced the only person in human history with better footwork than Antonio Brown might be Michael Jackson.

THAT’S NOW HOW THAT WORKS, CHRIS

Delanie Walker scored a touchdown to bring the Titans within two points of the Colts in Indianapolis. He celebrated his touchdown by giving the ball CPR.

Somehow, that’s not how FOX broadcaster Chris Myers interpreted it:

How does Chris Myers think burping a baby works? http://pic.twitter.com/lwYCec5jxg

— Mike Tunison (@xmasape) November 26, 2017

I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt — somehow — and say that he just had a brain fart. Otherwise, I’d be very concerned about his children’s upbringing.

Clearly Chris Myers isn’t a fan of The Office and one of its greatest scenes.

We don’t deserve the Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles are the best team in the NFL right now, and it’s really hard for me to hate them.

Week in and week out, they’re bringing great celebrations. It can be a baseball game, a group spike, or an impression of Backpack Kid.

This week, they gave us two gems. The first, was a perfectly-executed bowling celebration:

It wasn’t quite the phenomenal 7-10 split from Alley Cats Strike, but I suppose it’s better to just get a strike and have everybody involved.

The better of the two celebrations was the group of Eagles on the field just doing the Electric Slide. My goodness, what a sight:

I am aggressively rooting for this to start a wave of team dancing on the field in the NFL. The Titans did their best impression of the Temptations earlier this month. Let the Jets hit a collective Milly Rock, and the Falcons can do Shawty Lo’s dance in the “Dey Know” video. Give this game some flavor.

“Internet browser hates Bears coach”

You have to admire the determination and creativity by this Bears fan. Assuming they traveled to Philadelphia (who knows), they advocated for John Fox’s firing with a subtle message:

Rofl this Bears fan has a creative way of saying he was wants coach Jon Fox fired http://pic.twitter.com/lm5BSJ3WLZ

— Eric Fawcett (@Efawcett7) November 26, 2017

For the uninitiated, that’s the logo of the internet browser Firefox. Imagine all of the confused fans in Philly looking at this Bears fan with a picture of a fox. They probably imagined that was some kind of cub.

But we here at SB Nation appreciate your efforts, Bears Fan.

Back to the Eagles real quick

Yeah, I’m double dipping on the Eagles.

Here is Corey Clement, Jay Ajayi, and LeGarrette Blount getting pumped before the game to Cardi B’s “Bodak Yellow”:

#Eagles RBs hyped @LG_Blount @JayAjayi @CoreyClement_6 @KBDeuce4 http://pic.twitter.com/ctnFwx07Qv

— John Clark (@JClarkNBCS) November 26, 2017

The game was over before it even started.

OTHER THINGS FROM WEEK 12

Bears and Eagles practice re-gifting by turning the ball over to each other on the same play.

Bill Belichick waited 13 years to run another fake punt.

2 Chiefs players tried to catch the same screen pass.

Don’t interrupt Superman!

Browns turned to emergency punter Zane Gonzalez, who shanked his first try.

Alshon Jeffery made $250,000 with a touchdown against his old team.

You can’t throw punches, you’ll get ejected for them.

Delanie Walker performed CPR on a football, and the announcer thought he was burping a baby.

Alex Smith’s game-sealing interception bailed out referees after a bad call.

The Jets were very Jets-y on Sunday.

Marshawn Lynch escorted Aqib Talib through the Raiders sideline after his ejection.

The Raiders finally got an interception!

Not sure if Rams WR Josh Reynolds, or Rafiki from The Lion King.

Alvin Kamara hurdled a man.

JIMMY G DEBUT (short but good!).

Blaine Gabbert got “revenge” on the Jaguars.

The Saints’ terrible decision to kick a field goal in the 4th quarter cost them dearly.

STUCK FACEMASKS!

Sunday scores

Patriots 35, Dolphins 17

Titans 20, Colts 16

Seahawks 24, 49ers 13

Falcons 34, Buccaneers 20

Bengals 30, Browns 16

Bills 16, Chiefs 10

Panthers 35, Jets 27

Eagles 31, Bears 3

Raiders 21, Broncos 14

Rams 26, Saints 20

Cardinals 27, Jaguars 24

Packers 28, Steelers 31