#they r kinda fucked up so that also plays a not so good role in the relationship

[eyembby]

waiter, waiter, more toxic yaoi kustard please!!!

okay but in all seriousness... i love love LOVE ur drawings!! ur art style is sooo eye pleasing, and if i could eat it i would immediately :3

OMGEE HII!! THANK USM and right back at u!!?! waow i love ur art it makes my eyes water with JOY X3!! EVERYONE FOLLOW THEM RIGHT NEOWWW

(oh don’t worry…i will continue to cook up toxic ideas of those freaks🗣️🔥)

[trippinsorrows]

looking through your eyes + twenty four

authors note: this one gets pretty heavy. the next two chapters will also be heavy at points. please heed to cw/tw's.

cw/tw: fluff, angst, brief discussion of childhood sexual assault and child abuse, scene of violence against women

*this author does not condone nor support intimate partner/domestic violence.*

song inspo: ‘looking through your eyes’ by leann rimes

masterlist +story playlist + taglist request form

words: 12k

“Roman…” His name leaving her mouth is the perfect combination of breathy and whiny. “We–re gonna be late.”

For the first time in what feels like an hour, Roman lifts his head from her neck. She hates how noticeable the absence of his mouth is. “You really think I care about that?”

No. She knows he doesn’t care. But, she also dislikes being the reason for them being late. Because she's certain he has plans afterwards, and it doesn’t sit well with her knowing that she could play any type of role in any inconvenience he may encounter.

Her eyes shut as he brings his mouth back to her neck, sucking the spot that he’s clearly realized she has the most visceral response to. Toes curling, clawing at his shoulders and arms, it’s hard to tell who’s enjoying this more. Him or her.

Still, she manages to protest. “But, I—I care.”

Big hands traveling her body, she sighs quietly when he cups the swell of her breast giving her a gentle squeeze that has her thighs unintentionally gripping his waist. “You should have thought about that before you put this damn outfit on….”

Said outfit isn’t anything crazy, nothing fancy, just a cropped, sleeveless hoodie and dark yoga pants. However, it's the stretchy material that clings to clearly every part of her that he seemingly finds irresistible. Namely her ass and chest. Still, it's the typical type of outfit she would wear to train, which is exactly where they should be headed to right now. Though it seems her husband has another much more carnal destination in mind.

Blush growing, she tries again. “Roman, I—I’m serious.” His tongue circling across her inflamed skin as she groans against him. “You’re gonna l–leave another mark.”

“Good.” His response doesn’t entirely surprise her. Neither does the explanation. “You’re mine, and everyone needs to fucking know that shit.”

Mine

There’s something about that, something about his delivery, so strong and borderline aggressive that makes her insides melt a tad. Makes her smile grow. A good bit, she’s certain, stemming from the fact that it still blows her mind sometimes that a man like Roman Reigns could want her. Does want her. Even with all her….baggage.

He wants her.

Loves her.

For some reason, this makes it a bit easier to slide into that space of comfort and indifference he has regarding time and obligation. Makes her arch her chest into him as he stays true and firm to his determination in leaving her with his mark. 

Though she’s not sure just what about this current situation makes her decide to bring this up now, it’s something she knows she really shouldn't push off anymore.

“R–Ro?”

He makes a sound against her. “Yes?”

“I—I need a favor.”

He sighs against her, lifting his head from her neck to match her nervous gaze. “Solana, doing things for you is never a favor.” He brings his hand to her chin, thumb caressing her skin. “It’s my job as your husband.”

His response, thus far, chips away some of the anxiety. Some. “But, this—this is kinda big.”

Eyes narrowing slightly, he asks, “how big?”

It feels kind of silly, Solana briefly dropping her gaze to his black shirt that’s stretched against his broad chest. “I—I need money.”

Roman just looks at her for a second, a huge smile breaking out on his face. “You need money?” 

She nods. Slowly. “It’s—it’s a lot of money though.”

“I think we have different definitions of what a lot is, but go on.”

He’s probably not wrong, but that doesn’t negate the fact that the proposed amount of money probably needed is substantial compared to the average loan. Solana sits up fully, forcing Roman to also stand upright. He tugs her to the edge, her hands on his chest. “It’s…..it’s for Dr. Stratus.”

At that, she’s clearly lost him. “You need money for your psychiatrist?”

“Not—not like that.” Solana closes her eyes, taking a deep breath as she tries to gather her thoughts. “The girls were telling me they overheard that Dr. Stratus couldn’t secure an investor to keep the facility going and may have to shut down.”

He remains confused. “Okay…..”

“Roman, I don’t want that to happen.” She closes her eyes, thinking back to some of the information Gail has provided her as well as readings from her book. “Did you—did you know that 1 out of every 6 American women has either been raped or survived of an attempted rape?” Closing her eyes, she murmurs, “I was one of the ones.” Taking another breath, she notices his expression is darker. “But there are a lot more ones out there, Roman, and they need help just like I did. Dr. Stratus has a really great thing going, and I don’t—I don’t want to see it go away. I want—”

“Okay.”

She frowns. “Okay?”

“I’ll do it.”

Her stomach flutters. “Really?” She’s not sure what she was expecting, but for some reason, him so easily agreeing seems almost too good to be true.

Roman shrugs, pushing back some of her hair. “It’s important to you, and it clearly is, so I’ll do it.” That’s it. Nothing else. Just acquiescence.

“But, you don’t even know how much—”

“Doesn’t matter. You want it. I’ll make it happen.”

It’s overwhelming, really. Solana didn’t really think he would be upset with her request. She figured he’d want or need to think about it, which makes sense given it’s probably going to be in the six, maybe even seven figure range. But, that’s not the case. Instead, he’s just agreed without a second thought simply because she wants it.

Because it’s important to her.

Eyes watering, she throws her arms around him, hugging him. “Thank you.” It’s such a simple thing to say for such a big task. But, she also means it from the deepest part of her. For a man who doesn’t seem to think he’s a good person, she thinks the world of him. 

The same way she’s certain their child will. 

“While we’re on it, there’s something I need to talk to you about, too.”

And just like that, her smile is wiped, Solana pulling back and looking up. "Oh—okay.”

Something tells her she’s not going to like what she’s about to hear.

Roman’s intense eyes are focused on her, his index finger tracing along her jaw. “I have to go out of town next week.”

Yeah……definitely not something she wanted or expected to hear.

“Oh.” It’s all she knows how to say initially. Finally, more words arrive. A necessary question asked. “Where are you going?”

He hesitates. “Italy.”

Her eyes widen. That definitely isn’t what she expected him to say. Domestic travel was the guess, international never even being something that crossed her mind. “Italy?”

He nods, explaining on the edge of a heavy sigh. “I have some…..business to take care of with the Cosa Nostra.”

Solana is quiet, sitting on his words, partially hoping he’ll say more. Granted, it’s not a necessity as she’s able to piece the puzzle together herself. “That’s why your cousins were here that night…..isn’t it?” His silence is all the answer she needs. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

“No.” Though his answer is immediate, there’s something about it that was too instantaneous. Like he blurted it out without even thinking about it. “Just…..something I need to handle.”

It’s a bit manipulative. She knows this, but it’s hard for her to have something like this sprung on her and not ask any follow up questions. “Can….can I come with you?”

Again, his response is something she already guessed before even fixing her mouth to ask. Another heavy sigh as he gently cups her cheek. “Not this time.”

“Because it’s dangerous.” And there’s the manipulation component. Solana has realized that will always be the dealbreaker for Roman when it comes to her. Safety. So, him saying no makes her concerned not for her wellbeing. 

But for his.

Anxiety growing, she asks, “are the twins going with you? You can’t go alone.”

“I won’t be alone.” That helps her feel a little better. Just a little. “But, they’re not coming. I need them here. Handling shit.” It’s hard for Solana to wonder if any part of what went down between Roman and Jey has impacted this decision for them to remain here while he travels abroad. 

Still, that’s another thought for another day. She has a much bigger issue at hand.

“So who—”

“Solana.” Roman’s voice silences the next set of anxiety riddled questions scheduled to leave her mouth. He lowers his volume, his tone softer than anything anyone outside of her would ever hear. “I’ll be fine.”

For some reason, that only cranks her anxiety up from a 6 to a solid 8. And it’s without much thought, she finds herself asking, “do you have to go?”

He truly looks apologetic. A visible thing that also matches the verbal. “I’ve been pushing it off. I can’t push it off anymore.”

She swallows, emotion thick and bubbling. “Because of me?”

“Because of a lot of things, Sol.” And to her surprise, there’s some semblance of emotion present in his voice as well. “The—the story with that side of my family is…..complicated.” As it seems are most things when it comes to his family. Either side, apparently. “Trust me, going there is the last thing I want, but it needs to be done.”

Solana hates this. For a lot of reasons. The biggest one, however, is because she just knows there’s something he’s not telling her. A key part he’s omitting, probably for fear of worrying her. Never mind the fact that she’s already an anxious mess thinking about him being so far away without at least the twins there to have his back. She’d bet this Dwayne and Matteo person will be present, but she doesn’t know them. Doesn’t trust them. Doesn’t trust them to have her husband’s back. 

Not like Jimmy and Jey.

Even with the altercation between Roman and the latter, she still believes in her heart of hearts they’d look out for each other.

Like brothers.

“How long will you be gone?” Because trying to convince him to stay or even allow her to accompany him is the equivalent of beating a dead horse. 

More hesitation. “A week. Maybe two.”

The duration truly could be worse, and it makes sense such a long trip wouldn’t warrant a short turnover, but that doesn’t make the idea of him being gone for that period of time any easier to stomach. 

When she says nothing, he brings his other hand to her hair, pushing a section behind her ear. “Nia will stay with you until I return.”

And the surprises just keep coming. “Nia?” She knows the list of people Roman would ask to do such a thing is pretty limited, nonexistent maybe, but Nia is the last of the last she’d have considered. “She—why would she agree to that?”

Nia’s behavior around and toward Solana has shifted moderately since their first meeting so many months ago. She’s still not the nicest, per se, but Solana has learned a large part of that is nothing personal. It’s just Nia. So, while she’s not against it, she does, however, not understand it. 

“I told you before, people do what I want them to do because no one wants to deal with the alternative. Nia is no different.” Forced. He’s forced her to do this. That’s all Solana took from that, the frown on her face deepening it. “She’ll really just be here to administer your meds and make sure you get to therapy.” 

And she figured as such, figured that would be the basis as to why he would ensure another person is present in his absence. Still, Solana can’t stop herself from trying to broach an option she’s almost certain he won’t want to hear.

“Ro, I don’t—I can take care of that mys—”

“No.” It’s so firm and final. Even his gaze has shifted into something almost hardened. “That’s not an option.”

She figured it wasn’t. She also wonders, however, if it ever will. It has to, at some point. Solana wants to also ask why it can’t be Bayley again, or even Naomi, but it’s most likely to earn her the same type of shutdown. 

If not worse.

Roman steps back, guiding her off the bathroom counter. Standing back on her own two feet, Solana is taken back for a second by the almost instant lightheaded feeling that comes over her. Or less lightheaded and more…..exhaustion.

“You alright?”

She looks up, forcing a small smile. “Yeah. I’m—I’m good.” That’s debatable, because Solana is all of a sudden feeling exhausted from literally doing nothing but making out with her husband. 

Roman, as expected, looks unconvinced. “You sure?” He goes into his spiel that she’s heard at least three times now. “You know you don’t have to jump right back into things. I still think you should take more time off—”

“No.” Her hand shifts to her stomach, Solana grateful this doesn’t seem to trigger something for him. “I—I want to fall back into my routines.” Even more, and most important, if she truly is pregnant, Solana doesn’t want to waste any time left she has to do so before being too far along to train.

But, he can’t have that explanation. Not yet.

And now she has to figure out just when said explanation can occur, because how does she tell her husband they’re expecting days before he’s set to go out of town for possibly two weeks?

Damn.

————

“You’re late.” It’s the first thing to come out of a smirking Bayley’s mouth as Solana walks in with Roman into the training area. ‘But, the outfit is cute.”

Solana smiles at that, a bit of a laugh leaving her considering Roman nearly had a heart attack at her outfit when she stepped out the bathroom. Hence why they’re late. Among…..other reasons. 

“I’m sorry. We got caught up with something.”

“Mmmhmm,” Naomi sounds with that knowing look. “I’m sure you did.”

Solana looks away, wanting and needing to hide her blush as Roman asks in an annoyed voice, “where is he?”

“Here.” The four of them redirect their attention to the sound of Jimmy and the other two men he’s with: Jey and Carmelo.

Naturally, Solana goes to observe the indirect interaction between Jey and Roman, searching for any sigh of contempt. It’s definitely there. She can see it in the way Roman’s shoulders tense and how Jey looks away, Solana noticing the faded bruises on his face as well as the bandage over a still healing cut.

Swallowing, Solana moves over to them. “Hey.” 

Jimmy pulls her into a side hug without needing initiation, but it’s not missed upon her how Jey seems to hesitate to hug her, the tension in his body as well as the way he almost awkward way he clears his throat and looks away. 

She tries not to make too much of it, but it’s hard not to.

Carmelo steps forward, giving a nod. “Ma’am.”

That makes her smile return. “I told you before, you can just call me Solana.”

“Ma’am is fine,” Roman’s deep voice cuts through, Solana not needing to turn around, hearing his heavy footsteps behind her. “You’re late.”

Carmelo swallows. “I’m sorry—”

“I don’t care,” Roman is instantly dismissive, focusing his attention on his wife as he goes into an unnecessary introduction. “Solana, this is—”

“I know,” she cuts him off with a gentle smile, explaining, “I met him at the party.”

At that, Romans’ thick eyebrows cave inward. “What?”

“He was there, Big Dog.”

‘“I–I was there, sir.”

Roman scowls, completely ignoring his cousin and the other irrelevant man. “He was?” He looks over at his wife, asking, “you invited him too?”

Solana nods. “I asked the twins to invite whoever it was you found to help me train, because I wanted to meet him beforehand,” she explains, turning to Carmelo again, “thank you again for—agreeing to help me.”

Carmelo opens his mouth, unsure just how to express that he didn’t really have much of a choice in the matter. Or one at all. 

“He was there the whole time,” Naomi shares from where she stretches on one of the mats, Jimmy focused on her ass as she bends over. 

“You were too busy trying not to kill and cuss everybody out,” Bayley walks over, earning a hardened look from Roman that she pays no mind to. “Alright, so Solana is obviously a small human being, but she’s fast and hell and can maneuver quickly. That makes her hard to catch. Those are her strengths. She’s also pretty damn good with a knife.” Solana is a bit unsure how to feel about that part. “But, she’s only ever trained with women, hence why you’re here, Melo.”

“She also wants to learn how to do the spear.”

Roman’s statement earns a round of surprised expressions from everyone except Carmelo.

He looks terrified. “The—the spear?” He gestures with a crooked, slightly trembling index finger. “From—from you?”

“Who the fuck else?” Is Roman’s objectively rude reply, Solana having to stop herself from placing her hand on his forearm. He could try to be a little nicer. 

“You supposed to get a spear from him?” A new voice sounds, Solana not recognizing the man with a deep complexion, multiple piercings and an….interesting hairstyle. He shakes his head. “You gon die!”

Solana’s mouth drops as Bayley and Naomi laugh aloud. Jimmy is the one to ask, “R Truth, where did you even come from?”

He scowls, pointing downward. “Boss man said meet him here.”

“I said at the office, Truth. Not the Warehouse.” Jey finally speaks, Solana realizing it’s the first time he’s done so. He sounds annoyed, and she’s not sure if it’s just because of the scene unfolding before them. Or something that he’s clearly still not over.

“Yo? Forreal?” Jey runs his hand over his face. “That’s—that’s my bad.” He looks to Roman, nodding. “Tribal Chief.” He looks at Solana, again nodding, “Mrs. Tribal Chief.” He then gestures to the rest of the group. “Ya’ll be safe now.” Pointing to Carmelo, he adds, “‘cept’ for you, you already dead.”

Solana has so many questions, even as this strange man walks away, Jey muttering something incoherent before he seems to follow after this R-Truth person. 

Once those two men are gone, Carmelo nervously clears his throat. “Tribal Chief, if I can, who better to train her than y—”

“Shut up,” Roman says it so lazily. It’s as he crosses his massive arms over each other that Solana has to briefly look away, finding herself growing….distracted. He’s so damn muscular. “She’s comfortable with me. That won’t help her learn.”

Roman easily transitions into providing basic information about the spear, best ways to time it, stances, ways to land it and whatnot. She’s following, as best she can, at least. Because this exhaustion she’s experiencing is making it ten times harder to be present in the moment, and that’s made evident by the gap in her focus when one moment Roman is explaining, and the next he’s rushing towards Carmelo.

Solana gasps as Roman spears the other man with a ferocity and intensity that seems almost animal-like.

Eyes wide, hands over her mouth, Solana has to wince at a pain she didn’t even experience. But, one didn’t have to be on the receiving end of that to know it had to hurt like hell. 

Roman stands up so unbothered and nonchalant, readjusting his almost always perfect bun.

“Gotta give him his props. No one does a spear quite like Roman,” Bayley chuckles, arms crossed as Solana continues to stare in shock.

Jimmy casually walks by and peers over an unmoved Carmelo. “Ayo, Uce, I think he dead.” The faintest sound of pained whining fills the air, prompting Jimmy to correct himself. “Never mind. He alive.”

“Barely,” Naomi mumbles.

“He shouldn’t be so weak,” is Roman’s pompous defense as he redirects his attention to a still startled Solana. “Make sense?”

There’s a brief delay in between the time she nods slowly and speaks. “But, I—I don’t think I can do that.”

A small smile falls on Roman’s face as he explains, “it’s not going to be the exact same, Solana. I’m significantly bigger than you. Plus, spearing a man is different than spearing a woman.”

“What if I need to spear a man?”

His expression hardens as he affirms, “he’d have to get through me first to fucking touch you.”

Solana doesn’t say anything after that. Just waits for Carmelo to recover as they transition to the one-on-one portion. Solana is rolling her shoulders, trying to get in as much stretching as she can to hopefully loosen up her body more and shed away the almost fatigue she’s feeling.

It’s unfamiliar and inconvenient as hell considering what she’s about to do.

She’s in earshot range too when Roman grabs Melo’s arm and warns in the chilliest tone, “leave one fucking mark on her, and I’ll break every bone in your goddamn body.”

A heavy sigh leaves her body. She understands Roman’s protectiveness, but truthfully, Carmelo is doing them a favor. He doesn’t have to be here. 

Then again….maybe he does.

She doesn’t put it beyond her husband to threaten people on her behalf. 

Not in the slightest.

And on one hand, she’s partially grateful for the obvious care and mindfulness Carmelo is utilizing as he trains with her, it’s definitely helpful from her trauma standpoint. Helps for them to not be as physical as she typically is with Bayley and Naomi. 

However, it's painfully obvious that Carmelo is doing his damn hardest to minimize any and all physical contact between the two of them. A part of her appreciates it, but a larger part of her finds it a bit annoying. It’s sparring. Not interpretive dancing. 

Solana manages to swipe Carmelo off his feet, growing a bit frustrated when he intentionally takes longer to get up. “This doesn't help me,” she sighs, hands on her hips as she takes a second to steal a much needed breath. “Roman, can you please tell him—”

She’s cut off by being swiped by her ankles, tumbling forward to the floor. Carmelo is suddenly over her, flipping her onto her back, Solana not hesitating to move her knee between his stupidly open legs. He groans from the impact, and she takes that opportunity to bar her forearm across his neck, switching them so that he’s on his back with her hovering over him.

However, anything more is cut short by that small interaction alone knocking the wind out of her.

Climbing off him, she moves onto her hands and knees, eyes shut and head dropped. Neither from feeling triggered or even being in pain, just exhaustion.

She’s so damn drained. 

In what feels like seconds, Roman is at her side, hand on her back. “Solana, what’s wrong?”

She shakes her head, answering quickly, “I’m just—tired.” More than what’s normal for her. Training is usually draining, but considering they haven’t even been at it that long, she’s confused as to why she’s getting so winded. Lifting her head, she offers a small smile. “I’m fine.”

“No.” Roman dismisses it with the quickness, directing to the others. “We’re done for the day.”

“Roman, I’m fine. I’m just—probably out of shape.” Maybe, but this feels beyond that. She’s just so fatigued. He helps her to her feet, Solana trying to bargain, “at least let me finish with Bayley?”

He’s not hearing it. “No. You clearly need to ease back into things.” She frowns. I thought I was. “Head to the showers.”

“Roman—”

“He’s right, Solana,” Naomi suddenly sounds, walking over with Bayley. “You’re clearly tired and just need to ease back into and relearn some things. That’s okay. We can do this another day. When you’re at 100.”

“Or maybe she can just continue to train with ya’ll—”

And in perfect synchronized dismissiveness, Roman, Bayley, and Naomi all shut Carmelo down with a simple, “shut up.”

It cracks a smile on Solana’s face. The fact that the majority of them are in agreement is enough to make her realize that they’re probably right in that she should try another day. Maybe even easing back into it. Not necessarily the part about relearning. She remembers everything. Recall is not the problem. This fatigue is, but a part of her is starting to think she knows what it might be.

Just why she’s so fatigued.

And in true Jimmy fashion, he blurts out with the ill timed question, “aye, Soso, what’s for dinner today?”

————

“So why exactly are you fighting again?”

It’s not the first time she’s asked this question. No, it’s been posed at least three different times prior to this occurrence. Just different wording. A different question that’s garnered the same kind of answer every single time. 

A part of her recognizes this, but a part of her also doesn’t care.

Solana has always been under the impression, and has essentially been told by several people, Roman included, that he doesn’t really fight in the ring anymore. That he doesn’t need to. That he doesn’t have anything to prove to anyone, and those words came from him directly.

So, she was and still is, confused when he told her of a match he was competing in. The theme of the fight night being Bad Blood not helping much. At all.

Still, there was no way in hell she would miss attending. Even if her presence wasn’t something that’s technically mandatory. She wants to support him. She’s just nervous about the notion of him being in the ring again, recalling the last time she witnessed such a thing. It was brutal and bloody, and while he came out with the win, relatively unscathed, it still makes her nervous. Because there’s always a chance something can go wrong.

Because she always worries about him, and she’s pretty sure she always will. So long as he is who he is.

Roman, however, couldn’t give two shits about this fight with Drew. Tonight is more of a political move than anything, Roman needing a very public and brutal display of his prowess to remind everyone why he sits at the Head of the Table. It’s truly just an added bonus that he gets to kick the shit out of Drew in the process.

Or worse.

Roman is more focused, borderline distracted, by Solana. The sexy red dress she has on leaves little to the imagination with the low neckline, tight fit, and short length that stops about mid-thigh, rolling even higher as she’s propped on the bathroom counter. Her hair is pinned up, and her makeup is on the lighter, almost undetectable, side. His preference. She’s stunning with and without it, but there’s something he enjoys most seeing her in her natural state.

She just looks good as hell, and if not for the importance of this evening, he’d say fuck this damn match and Drew and spend the rest of the evening with her. A much more desirable and preferable option, truly. But, duty and obligation before anything. 

Even his fine ass wife.

Roman waits until he’s slid the black hoodie over his head, smirking a bit at the slight disappointment that appears on Solana’s face at him no longer being shirtless. He decides to slide through that crevice of brief deflection.

“You know the same way you look at me is the same way I look at and think about you.” He’s walking toward her, big hands carefully spreading her thighs so he can step in between her legs. This close, he’s granted a perfect view of her equally perfect breast. “All the damn time.”

He’s unsurprised when her cheeks redden nor when she says anything. “A challenge was issued, and I need to send a message.” That’s a much simpler way of explaining the full scope of just what tonight is, but he also doesn’t want to bombard her with information she doesn’t necessarily need to know.

She licks her lips, and he hates how sexual such an innocent act looks, especially when he knows that’s not her intent. “What—what kind of message?”

A potentially brutal, bloody message, but painting that picture for her beforehand might create some unnecessary anxiety. “A message that won’t need to be repeated.”

That seems to register for her as she asks, “Are—are you nervous?”

That actually makes Roman laugh. He can’t remember the last time he’s felt that emotion. It’s been years. Many decades. Moving his hands to her waist, he tugs her closer to him. “I don’t get nervous, Solana.”

“Ever?”

“Naw.”

She’s still looking at him with that same level of trepidation, maybe even a bit more heightened actually. “But….but you’re still careful, right?” It seems like an otherwise silly question with an obvious answer, but Roman can see where she’s coming from. The fear that fuels it. “Like….like you pay attention and stuff?”

“Of course,” his answer is gentle and patient. Two things reserved strictly and solely for her. “Solana, I’ve been fighting my whole life. I know what I’m doing.”

Her eyes widen, and he just knows he’s in for an unnecessary apology. “Oh, no, I didn’t mean—”

“Baby.” Yup. Just as he predicted. Bringing his hand to the back of her neck, Roman extends that tenderness, explaining, “I know what you meant. You’re worried, and you shouldn’t be. I’ve got this. Alright?”

She nods a little, and he’s relieved to see some of her apprehension has melted away. With the hand still on her hip, he gives her a light squeeze. “Come on.” Roman stays close as she carefully slides off the counter, her heels giving her a bit of a height boost, but not enough to make a substantial difference. He still towers over her.

And it’s in looking down at her from this angle, and the quick glance of her ass in this dress through the bathroom mirror, he makes a face. “Then again….” Roman slides his hand from the back of her neck, down until he’s palming and squeezing her ass. “Maybe this will be a bit of a distraction.”

“Roman!” She yelps, and he groans at the feel of her. She’s so damn fine and thick in all the right areas that it doesn’t even make sense.

He moves to take her hand, kissing it before guiding her out of the bathroom. “Come on. Before your fine ass makes us late.”

She giggles, holding onto his arm while he hits the light switch. “I didn’t even do anything.”

Roman says nothing, because if only she fucking knew.

If only.

————

Solana was half expecting to be separated from Roman once they reached the warehouse, him needing time to prepare for the fight and whatnot. And while the latter part was true, the first wasn’t. She’s thoroughly surprised when he instead guides her to the back with him to his sizable, impressive locker room.

Roman directs Solana to make herself comfortable, which is almost impossible to do.

It’s hard because she can’t stop thinking about the fact that her husband is going to be in the ring with that man who looked like he would have killed Roman right there on the spot, if he could. The same expression she’s certain he’ll have tonight when it’s just the two of them. 

A part of her is starting to wish she would have sat this one out. Stayed home tonight. Her hand falls to her stomach. That irksome, borderline nauseous feeling has been with her all day. On and off the past week, really. Since trying to return to training earlier in the week. She’s certain a chunk of it has been nerves, but the rest of it, maybe most of it, she’s almost certain, is early onset pregnancy symptoms. 

Just thinking about the fact that a baby, her baby, their baby is growing inside of her belly warms her entire soul. Temporarily distracts her from worrying about Roman. To wondering. Wondering which of his features their child will inherit. Will he or she have his dark, raven, wavy hair? His smoldering brown, almost hazel like eyes? Will the baby take after her brunette locks? Her nose?

In all honesty, she only wants a healthy child. That’s the most important thing, but it’s also hard for her to not lean more on the side of wanting the baby to be a boy. She knows how important producing an heir is. For the Bloodline. For Roman. Especially with how he’s gone above and beyond to keep pressure off them, off her regarding their lack of an heir.

It’s the least she can do for him. He deserves it. 

And she’d love more than anything to give it to him.

Roman stepping back into the vicinity briefly pulls her from her thoughts.

“You alright?”

Naturally, her hand falls from her stomach as she manages a small smile and nod. “Yeah.” She takes in his appearance, noticing his hair is wet and drenched, water droplets rolling down that nearly perfect body she’s grown to love pressed against hers. Not even just for sex. Just in general. Roman’s touch is calming to her. 

Climbing down off the table where she sits, she moves over to him. “Are you?”

He chuckles, hand to her hip. “Always.”

She has to believe that. 

Solana goes to kiss him when the Wise Man walks back in, forcing her to settle for a hand to his cheek. “Be careful.”

He clearly hears the presence of someone else and only nods, his eyes conveying the unspoken ‘I love you.’ She just offers him a warm smile before she retracts her hand and moves to leave the room, only providing her husband’s chief advisor a quiet ‘hello.’

Security escorts her up to the same VIP seating area as the last couple of times she’s attended events like this at the Warehouse. And as usual, Bayley and Naomi are already sitting and waiting for her. 

“Had to give your man that good luck quickie right before, huh?”

Bayley’s comment makes Solana blush and aware of the hickey on her neck she didn't even bother trying to hide. Or the one near her breast. 

“She didn’t deny it either,” Naomi snickers, playfully shoving Solana. 

Instead of acknowledging their innuendos, she utilizes an actual productive use of time. “I was thinking.”

“Listening,” Bayley responds, the two ladies keenly focused on the new topic. 

“Roman has to go out of town next week for……business.” She tries to not think too much about that. It’ll only spike her worry. 

“Who’s going to stay with you?” Naomi asks, gesturing to the two of them. “He didn’t ask us.” 

Solana swallows. That's definitely something she wants to work on with him. The fact that he still blames them for what happened. “Nia.”

“Nia?” 

To be fair, Solana had a bit of the same reaction when Roman first told her his cousin would be staying with her. She’s certain it was…..an interesting discussion, to say the least.

Solana shrugs. “She’s not that bad.” And it’s true. Solana has received much worse from people, in terms of treatment. “And it’s really just….to give me my medicine and stuff.” Because Roman seemed vehemently against and shut it down so fast when she even approached the idea of being able to handle it on her own. Not that….not that she can blame him, per se. “But, I was thinking. What if we went to Isla Mujeres for the weekend? Like that girls trip we were talking about.”

“You talk to Roman about it?”

Solana shakes her head, explaining. “Nia would be with us, so I’m sure he’d be fine.” Because she is. Now, if Nia doesn’t come along, then that’s another story. Though something tells her that once she tells Roman she wants to do this, he’ll find a way to make Nia go along with the plan. 

“I think it could be fun,” Naomi shares, rubbing her hands together. “From the pictures you showed us, the beach looks beautiful.”

“It is,” Solana smiles. “I want to invite Cam, Mickie, and Melina too.”

“So do it,” Bayley encourages. “It’s your girls trip. You decide on the guest list. Melina has always been cool. I didn’t know she…..struggled the way she does, but I’ve always liked her.” Solana is appreciative of Bayley’s handling of Melina’s mental health struggles. “And Cam and Mickie seem cool too.”

“They are,” Solana agrees. They really helped her time spent in the hospital and the treatment facility go a lot easier than it could have been. 

As per usual, conversation flows naturally between the ladies only to minimize once the night begins, all three paying attention to the various matches, mostly the ones that pertain to the Bloodline. 

So, really, Jimmy and Jey’s tag team match against two men that Solana doesn’t recognize, which, of course, the twins come out with the win for. And Roman’s match, the last of the night, because no one comes after the Tribal Chief.

The complete shift in energy when Roman enters the space is truly something to behold. His power and dominance is felt in every square inch of the building. Undeniable excellence and power penetrating almost. She can’t take her eyes off him, his face stoic, determined, focused.

She can see why he doesn’t get nervous. He seems so in his element in this space. Even as Drew comes out with that same level of determination, an almost hatred splayed across his face as he looks over at Roman with ardent vitriol.

Her husband, however, is unbothered.

As he is with most things in life.

Still, the fact that Drew is about what and what with Roman in regards to build and size has her anxiety festering. She knows and has seen for herself how flawless Roman is in the ring. That doesn’t mean she can’t worry though. Can’t wait for this to all just be over with so they can go home.

So she can start figuring out just how she wants to tell him about the pregnancy.

But, that’s a then thing, and this is very much here and now.

The sound of the bell fills the Warehouse as the boisterous crowd continues to erupt, excited to see their Tribal Chief in action.

If only she could relate. 

For the most part, the match starts off as expected, Roman being in the lead, staying one or several steps ahead of Drew, expertly dodging or countering hits. Solana is practically on the edge of her seat, chewing on her bottom lip, watching every single piece of the fight. From Roman’s steps to Drew’s lunges to the way both men who seem too large for life go at it like two titans.

Of course, despite looking like one, Roman is no God. He’s still a man, a man who takes several hits from Drew, one making Solana wince. However, she learned from the night of WarGames, Roman hates being hit. It only pisses him off more than he naturally is at any given point. 

And that’s proven in the increased brutality of Roman’s hits, Drew being the first to have blood spilled as Roman smashes his head in the steel staircase. 

It’s a quick shift though that she somehow misses, because Drew suddenly has Roman in a painful looking headlock. One he seems to take too long to get out of, for her comfort. 

Solana moves to the absolute edge of her seat, panic starting to set in the longer Roman’s airway is restricted. And then she sees the way Drew’s mouth moves, the snarl and subsequent smirk as he says something to Roman. Roman’s briefly stunned eyes flickering to hers, but it’s so short, too short to process. Because just as quickly as he was looking at her, he’s managed his way out of the headlock, sending the other man to the ground. Roman wastes no time jumping on top of him, gaining and taking full advantage of the upper hand, raining blow on top of blow on Drew with a pace and aggression that seems almost inhuman.

The light blue of the mat is suddenly splashed and splayed with blood. Drew’s. Roman’s chest and fist also stained, Solana wincing a bit as even from a distance she sees the way Drew's face has become almost disfigured by blood, bruising, and swelling. 

He’s clearly lost consciousness, but that doesn’t stop Roman.

No, instead a deep frown falls on her face as she watches Roman move outside of the ring and lift up the metal staircase that he brings back into the ring with him. She turns her head right before the impact between the steps and the unconscious man.

Unalive man, because there’s no way Drew is still breathing. Not with the severity of the beating. 

Bayley and Naomi are clearly also taken back by witnessing a live murder but clearly do their best not to make it a thing for her sake. She’s appreciative, but it still doesn’t delete her confusion towards Roman’s behavior.

Overkill. Barbaric. Sadistic, almost. 

And with all of that, the confliction she’s experiencing, Solana can only think of one thing, what the hell happened in that ring to bring about that kind of rage in her husband?

————

Roman doesn’t say much to her.

It’s not surprising. She’s not quite sure what there is to say. Him viciously beating a man to death isn’t, at the core of it, something that needs explaining.

That doesn’t stop her from trying to almost dance around the subject. Asks him if he’s feeling alright, if he wants her to fix him anything, and things of the sort. It doesn’t do much. His responses are minimal, a few words to each statement, at best.

It bothers her to know something is bothering him, that he won’t talk to her, but also, Solana can admit she’s not sure how to talk with him about this.

She’d certainly do her best though, if he was actually willing to open up to her. 

She doesn’t force it though, just welcomes his arms around her as they lay in bed, eventually falling asleep together. 

However, Dulce does what Dulce does best and wakes up in the middle of the night, politely reminding her parents of her small bladder. Regardless of her sleep intrusion, Solana is grateful to be able to escort their puppy out of the room without disturbing her husband’s much needed and deserved sleep. 

But, it’s as Dulce seems to take her sweet time finding the perfect spot to relieve herself that Solana frowns. Lifting her hand to her breast, she’s taken back by the tenderness of the touch. New and out of the norm. 

Another……symptom?

Even with the night’s unexpected events, as much as she’s trying to not allow herself to get too excited at the possibility of being pregnant, it’s hard not to. Especially with the strange onset of symptoms she’s been experiencing all week. Some seen before or during her cycle, but some new and unfamiliar. And a quick google search confirmed they in fact could be early pregnancy symptoms.

But still, Solana has gained enough self-introspection to know that a negative test would be…..difficult for her to process. Something she doesn’t really even want to think about, hence why she’s not allowing herself to fully acknowledge that she’s probably pregnant.

Because the alternative would be…..not the desired outcome.

It’s as she observes the backyard, seeing the reflection of the lights above the pool that a random thought crosses her mind. A question, rather. Would they have to cover up the pool when the baby starts crawling? What other changes around the house would have to be implemented for safety reasons? Most definitely, they’d have to stock up on those baby proof outlet covers. And maybe even block off the staircase.

Something tells her any child of her husband would be mobile. On the run. A small smile settles on her face, her hand falling to her belly as she once again mentally puts together what their child will look like. Him. Her. Both of them.

Both would be her preference. Roman would be a close second.

Dulce’s short legs carry her back into the house, her wagging tale eliciting a smile and small laugh. “Good job—”

“Where the hell were you?”

Solana jumps and gasps. Outside of his sudden presence in the living room startling her, Roman's tone and volume indicate a level of irritation that doesn’t quite compute. Doesn’t make sense. Where else would she have been? 

Confused, she answers, “Dulce had to use the bathroom...”

This didn’t seem to be the answer he neither wanted nor needed. His expression is sharp. “So you went out there alone?”

This brings a frown to her face, a contrast to her almost jovial disposition not even minutes prior. Solana points out in a calm voice, “Roman, I–I always go alone.”

“Not anymore.” She can’t protest, because he adds. “Wake me up, and if I’m not here, let her use the damn crate.”

“But—”

“You heard what I said!”

His voice bounces off the walls and echoes through the hall, but it’s Solana’s jump away from him that seems to trigger something for Roman. His expression immediately softens. “Shit, I’m sorry, I–I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

She says nothing for a good minute before quickly deciding that beating around the bush isn’t the way to go in this situation.

She needs to be direct.

“Ro….what happened tonight?” 

She’d briefly played around with the idea of bringing it up to him or letting it lie. Obviously, the latter is not the best route to go. “You….you were off. You lost control, and that’s….that’s not like you.”

In the ring is when she’s noticed he’s most controlled, never allowing his emotions to cloud his judgment and actions because he recognizes the detriment it would cause. Yes, he’s violent and brutal, but it’s still controlled. Not tonight. …tonight she saw that impulsive, emotion driven man she’d heard whispers about over the years. Tonight, she saw him take a man’s life, and not in a controlled methodical way, but in a moment of pure rage and spontaneity. 

She’d never tell him this, never allow it to leave her mouth, but for a split second, it scared her. Solana wasn’t naive enough to truly think that his kindness or love toward her made him any less of a cold-blooded killer. And she knows, without a shadow of a doubt that he would never hurt her or direct his anger towards her.

But.

 But, the look in his eyes tonight…it was as if he had no soul. 

And that….that is what scared her. 

His gaze darts to the corner of the room, an intentional act to avoid her own, she’s sure. “He pissed me off.”

“Ro….people piss you off all the time, and you don’t beat them to death like you did him.” It’s such a strange experience, speaking with him so casually. Solana can still recall the tightness in her chest every time she was in the vicinity of this man, the fear she struggled to manage when even looking at him, often keeping her gaze downward. And now, she’s pushing him on what is obviously a lie. Or a deep state of denial. “He—he said something to you.” That’s when he finally sets his eyes on her. “I–I saw it.”

“Does it matter now?” 

“Yes—yes, it does, because you just snapped at me for taking our dog out to use the bathroom, something I’ve done for months now.” It’s not until saying that aloud that a thought crosses her mind. “Was—was it about me? Did—did he say something about me?” And when he says nothing, doesn’t deny it or push back or even snap at her again that she realizes that’s exactly what it was.

And it confuses the mess out of her. 

What could have been said to cause him to react so violently? Even more, how could it have been any different from the shit talking they all do in the ring?

“I don’t—I don’t understand.” Her eyes follow him as he moves toward the living room, sitting on the edge of the sofa. Tentatively and without much thought, her legs carry her toward him, but she stops just shy of being at arms length. Noticing this, Roman motions her closer with his index finger. And as soon as she’s close enough, he tugs her onto his lap. Seeing the conflict in his eyes, she moves her hand to his bicep. “Baby, please talk to me…..”

Like many, if not any, interaction with her comforting urge, Roman finds it difficult to deny her. He struggles to push back those words that have secretly haunted him even hours after he put a permanent end to McIntyre. 

“You really think you can keep her safe?” His cruel taunt, wicked smile revealing the blood building in his mouth, coating his teeth. “She’ll die just like rest of your fucking fam—”

“Ro…”

And it's her soft voice that pulls him from the memory as he shares with her what was said. “He said I couldn’t keep you safe, that you’d die like the rest of my family.” She gasps. Whatever was said had to have been bad and most likely somehow about her. She just didn’t know it would be that.

Shaking her head, she pushes his hair back. “He was just…he was just trying to get in your head.” And I think it worked. Solana would never verbalize as such to Roman, but it’s a thought she can’t dismiss. She’s never seen him this bothered. “Nothing—nothing’s going to happen to me, Ro.”

“I told you before that I don’t—I don’t feel things like you. That I don’t—feel anything.” She remembers it vividly. That conversation between them that was during the early days of their love story. Something that feels so long ago now. “I was wrong. I’ve—I’ve always felt anger, but now I’m feeling other things too, and I don’t know how—” He stops himself, clearly changing directions. “I’m sorry I did that in front of you—”

“It’s fine, Ro. I—” Because despite that brief second of ear, her first and foremost concern is him. It’s always him. “I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

He’s quiet for a moment, sharing in an almost unsure voice. “I count your pills every day before I go to bed.” She’s still, unmoving, unsure how to process such a thing. Because she knows why, exactly why he does that. And it nearly breaks her heart in fucking half. “Losing you is the only thing in this fucking world that scares me.” Voice shifting into something desperate and almost vulnerable, he says with all the conviction. “Because, I can’t lose you, Sol.” His gaze is on her, burning with determination. And need. “I won’t.”

“And you won’t.” Her hands move to his face, beard bristling against the skin on her palms. “I’m not going anywhere, okay?” She places an almost tentative, chaste kiss to his temple, noticing how his eyes close after. As if he’s more at peace. “Roman, I am with you until my dying breath, and that won’t be happening anytime soon. Not for you. Not for me.”

And not for their child growing inside of her.

“Why don’t—why don’t we go see Fetu this weekend?” It’s technically early Saturday morning already, and Solana returns to work Monday, but even just a day or two spent with his aunt could probably make a difference for her husband who she sees needs to get away. “Or even if you just go—I can stay—”

“No.” His voice is still low, but it’s not as weighed down. She’s grateful for at least that. “She’d be pissed if I showed up without you.” The hint of humor in his voice makes her heart swell. 

“We’ll go.” It’s not necessarily a suggestion anymore. It’s a plan. “You’ll clear your head, and everything will be better, okay?” He looks at her, nodding quietly. Solana makes a mental note to make sure to pack one or two pregnancy tests, because what better way to break the news to him than being able to tell Fetu right after? Together.

It seems like a perfect plan to her. 

Noticing Dulce has already left and went back upstairs, Solana suggests the same to her husband. “Let’s go back to bed, okay?”

It’s then that Solana realizes his hand on her hip is moving in slow, soothing circles. She can’t tell if it’s for his comfort or hers. Placing her hand over his, she gives a gentle tug, moving off his lap but never allowing her hand to leave his. 

His movements are slow initially, but he stands up and allows her to guide them up the stairs and back into their bedroom. Solana easily resumes their earlier sleeping position, grateful and thankful when he kisses her temple and murmurs, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” 

The exact moment when she falls asleep, or even when he does, is unknown. But what is known is when she’s woken up to the sound of grunts and muttered protests.

“I’ve gotta….save…them.”

Solana blinks and rubs at her eyes. “Ro?”

Sitting up, she sees him twisting and turning, an almost distressed look on his handsome face. Her heart drops. A nightmare. He’s having a nightmare.

Naturally, Solana moves her hand to his shoulder, shaking him a bit. “Roman, wake up.” She might as well have done nothing, because he’s continuing to stir, mumbling in Samoan. Voice so low that even if she did speak the language, she wouldn’t hear him. 

Without thinking twice about it, Solana climbs on top of him, straddling him as she continues her efforts to awaken him. “Roman, baby, please wake up.” It’s both familiar and unfamiliar. She knows this struggle very well. Has lived through it almost her entire life, but she’s never been on this end. Been on the side of watching someone go through it.

Least of all, Roman. 

And she hates it. Hates it with everything in her because she knows how heavy and devastating it is to be sucked into reliving trauma. That’s why she ups the ante, raising her voice and essentially hitting him on his shoulders.

“Roman! Wake u—”

“No!” 

It all happens so fast. Almost too fast for Solana to truly process what’s occurring in the moment. It’s only afterwards that she can recount it, can recall what just happened, can process that at the same time she went to try to save him from himself, Roman shot awake with an instinctive swing, a natural, almost protective thing that results in Solana shoved to the edge of the bed, mouth open, holding onto her face. 

It’s an instant stinging sensation, a dull, throbbing pain that she hasn’t felt in some time and never anticipated feeling as a result of her own husband. 

A husband who is now awake and also aware of what just happened. His widened eyes and open mouth are on her as Solana winces a bit and flexes her jaw, trying to gather herself. He’s up. That’s the only thing that matters. 

“Oh my God.” She’s not sure she’s ever heard Roman sound so horrified. “Solana—”

Her name is enough to pull her back to him, Solana climbing on his lap, shaking her head as she cups his face. “It’s okay. I’m—I’m okay—”

“I hit you….”

Even him saying it aloud seems and feels wrong to Solana. “No, baby—you were having a nightmare. It wasn’t like that—”

“I hit you, Solana.” He’s not even looking at her, looking down, perplexed, disturbed with himself, clearly trying to sit on this unfathomable thing. 

“Roman, I’m fine. Really.” Her face is throbbing, and she’s certain she’ll have a bruise come morning, but it’s nothing compared to what she’s received in the past. From the actual hitting she used to be on the receiving end of. From her dad and brother. “Ro, I did the same thing to you, remember? I—I ripped out your stitches.” It’s something she felt horrified at herself for in the moment. Probably close to what he’s feeling even though she’d rather he not because he’s done nothing wrong. “Baby—”

Shaking his head, Roman lowers her hands from his face. “I’m sorry.” She goes to reassure him that he’s fine, that she’s fine, but Roman is fast, easily moving the blankets off him, forcing her to the side, off him. 

“Roman, no—” She scrambles off the bed as he goes for the door of their bedroom, effectively planting herself in front of it. “No, you’re not leaving.”

He closes his eyes, his voice almost desperate. “Solana, please.”

“No!” Raising her voice wasn’t an intentional thing, just a result of her own emotions brewing in this moment. She’s not even thinking about herself, about the pain in her face. She’s just thinking about the man in front of her who looks disgusted with himself. “Roman, I am fine.”

Because she is.

Because even with all of her trauma, having been hurt so deeply and badly by men, Roman unintentionally striking her didn’t fill her with an ounce of fear. Didn’t make her want to put as much distance between them as possible. Didn’t have any effect on how she sees and feels about him.

She could only focus on him and how distressing his nightmare must have been to result in such a response. 

“I hurt you….” It’s the way his voice almost wavers with the word ‘hurt’ along with his fraught countenance that has her chest tightening. She’s never seen him look so upset, and the fact that it’s solely directed toward himself is gut-wrenching. 

“No,” her voice catches in the back of throat, eyes watering. She reaches up and cups his face. “Baby, listen to me. You could never hurt me.”

Something flashes in his eyes, something akin to anger as he asks in a tight voice, “But, I did." She shakes her head, ready to stand here all night trying to convince him that he’s not in the wrong when he takes it a step further. “How is it any different from your dad and brother?”

It’s an active effort to not back away from him, to not drop her hands and for no reason other than putrid disgust. Disgust that he could even fix his mouth to say such a thing. To put himself into that category. 

Solana swallows, specifically choosing each and every word that leaves her mouth. “Roman…I was raped. Violently. For—for hours. I couldn’t—I couldn’t walk afterwards.” She hates talking about this, hates reliving the horrors just from recounting, but she’ll do just about anything to wipe away that gutted, guilty look on her husband’s face. “Wes—Wes was the reason I first started cutting myself, because—” She closes her eyes, having never said these words aloud to anyone. “Because he made me do it. He said it was my—my punishment for getting our mother killed. And eventually….eventually I started to believe him, so I just started doing it to myself, because I thought it was what I deserved.” Another deep, shaky exhale. “My own father tried to kill me.” Roman’s expression slips into something in the vein of surprised. Confused even. Horrified, mostly. “I tried to run away once, and he put me in the hospital for two weeks and told me that if I ever tried to leave again that he’d— he’d make sure to finish the job.”

Roman doesn’t say anything, and truth be told, she’s not sure she wants him to. She just wants him to listen, really listen and allow her words to penetrate his thick layer of undeserved guilt. “You are the first man in my life to never hurt me the way I’ve been hurt, so don’t you ever fucking say again that you hurt me or put yourself in the same category as those bastards. You are nothing like them.” Because she’d rather walk barefoot on burning coal for the rest of her life than for him to ever even think he’s in the same group as them. “So, please, please just—” 

Solana feels it rising, traveling up her body at the most impromptu time. “Shit,” she curses, slapping her hand over her mouth as she dashes to the bathroom, hitting the light, barely making it to the toilet that, thankfully, is already open and ready for her to deposit what feels like everything she ate that day into the commode.

It’s such a miserable, uncomfortable experience, more or less dry heaving over the toilet in the middle of the night. 

Just added to the list of unfortunate things that have happened. A heavy wave of exhaustion washes over her as she lays her head down on her arm that’s stretched across the toilet seat. She feels like shit, and it has nothing to do with what just happened.

If only she could tell her husband that.

Because Roman is suddenly behind her, hand on the small of her back, asking if she’s alright. Glancing over at him, she shakes her head, mustering up a quiet excuse of it probably being something she ate.

He doesn’t look convinced, and Solana knows it’s because he’s somehow connecting this to what just happened. She’d give anything to be able to wipe that belief from his mind, to tell him it’s just morning sickness, a common pregnancy symptom.

Because with all of the dots connecting, there’s no doubt in Solana’s mind. Any test would just be a formality. She knows her body. 

She knows that she’s pregnant.

But, something tells her that telling Roman this will only make things worse. Make him feel even more guiltier than what he’s already experiencing. Would kill him to know he ‘hit’ her while she’s carrying his child. 

This isn’t the way she wants to tell him, either. Not like this. No, it needs to be…..special. After all he’s done and probably had to put up with in order to explain them not producing a child after almost eight months of marriage. She can’t announce it like this. 

He deserves better.

The wave passes as Solana stands up and flushes the toilet, moving over to the sink to brush her teeth, praying that’s the extent of it. For now, at least. Roman is watching and observing her closely the whole time. 

Mouth clean and stripped, somewhat, of that bitter aftertaste, she takes his hand and guides him back to their bedroom. Gratitude fills her when he doesn’t protest the way she practically climbs on top of him, her body resting on his, an intentional position to prevent him from trying to leave out without her noticing. 

“Stay with me….” It’s the only thing that leaves her mouth, a soft but firm delivery. It’s the only thing she wants and needs in this moment, for his arms to remain around her, holding her, the same way she’s holding him. 

The way she'll always hold onto him.

————

It’s purely a stroke of luck that allows Roman to wake up at the call of his biological clock and find that Solana is no longer atop him but sleeping on her side, back toward him, deeply immersed in much deserved slumber. 

But, it's not even a minute later that a heaviness overtakes him as he’s quickly reminded of what happened. Of what he did. What he did to her.

Roman doesn’t hesitate to carefully climb out of bed and move to Solana’s side, hitting the switch on the lamp for a clear presentation. Something he wasn’t ready for. Not in the slightest.

“Jesus Christ….”

Dread fills him all over again with the illumination of the lamp on Solana’s nightstand. Gives him a full, unobstructed view of the left side of her face. A not even fully formed, nasty looking bruise marring her features.

Roman knew that he had to hit her hard, that she had to be downplaying the impact, but the big ass, dark bruise can’t hide the hideous truth. The extent is ugly and evident. It’s a fucking miracle he didn’t fracture or break something. Because he absolutely could have. Not that that makes a huge difference, because regardless of the severity, he hit her. 

He fucking hit her. 

It feels undeserving, the way he reaches his hand to gently caress her marred face. His stomach clenches as he mutters the three words that could never change, lessen or take back what he’s done.

“I’m so sorry….” Because he is. Because Roman’s list of regrets in life is minimal. Less than the average person, of this, he’s sure. But this, what happened last night is easily at the top of that list. He doesn’t hesitate to turn the switch off, not wanting to have to see the consequences of his horrific actions, even if he should.

Even if he should have to face it. Should have to be faced with the one thing he swore he would never do.

Because that’s exactly what he’s done.

He doesn’t bother waking her up for her medication. Just leaves it in a small, ramekin-like bowl for her to take whenever she wakes up. With the night she had, he hopes she sleeps for a couple more hours.

And he’s grateful for the time he has to himself, to workout, to shower, to think, to act. Even if it’s all a bit of a blur.

Years. It’s been years since he’s experienced that type of rage. Since he’s blacked out like that. Because that’s exactly what happened. Roman remembers Drew’s ominous threat, recalls the beginning of the beating, but most after that is blotchy. Blurred. And the last time he felt that way….was the night he killed Rhodes' family.

Not that he regretted it then or now. Even Drew. No, what he regrets and doesn’t know how to process is that he lost that control in front of his wife. That he lost it with his wife, resulting in her battered face. 

Despite the horrors of trauma she’s experienced at the hands of men in her life and the fact that what happened was unintentional, it doesn’t negate what he did. It was wrong, and she didn’t deserve it. 

She doesn’t deserve to put up with any of the shit he’s dealing with right now.

What happened with Jey was something he hated having to do in front of her, but this….this is entirely different.

A line was completely crossed.

And it can’t happen again.

Much later that morning, closer to noon than anything is when Roman finds her in the kitchen changed out of her pajamas and into short shorts and a shirt. Normally, he’d be focused on how good she looks and how much he appreciates seeing her confidence grow to where she doesn’t try to hide her body. But, it’s hard with the dark bruising on her face.

She’s clearly in the middle of fixing something but walks over to him, warm smile on her face as she places her hand on his chest. “There you are.” She leans up and kisses him, sharing, “I was wondering when you’d come out. I’m fixing us lunch right quick before we get on the road.”

She turns back towards the counter right as he says her name. “Solana—”

“Do you want anything in particular?”

“Solana.”

“I can make—”

“Solana.” He says it a third and final time, seeing the way she pauses. Deflection. It’s intentional. She can clearly tell something is wrong. With a slow turn to look at him again, it takes everything in him to not look away. The fucking bruise. “I’m leaving tonight.”

Her small smile immediately drops into a deep scowl. “Wh—what?” He briefly redirects his gaze, focusing on the laces of his sneakers instead of the disappointment he knows he’s about to lay on her. “You want—you want to get on the road tonight?”

He takes a deep breath and forces himself to bite the bullet. There’s no need in stretching this out. “No, Solana, I’m—I’m flying out to Italy tonight.”

Nothing could have prepared him for the gutted look on her face. She’s clearly confused, smartly pointing out, “but—but you said you weren’t leaving until next week.”

His jaw clenches as he answers so calmly. “Plans changed.”

Her gaze is intense, her eyes never leaving his. “The plans changed or you changed them?” He doesn’t say anything, and he doesn’t have to. She already knows the answer. Solana swallows, eyes watering as she walks over to him. “Please don’t do this. Roman, what happened wasn’t your fault. I’m fine.”

“Solana, you are not fine. Have you seen your face?” It’s not intended to be harsh, and the coarseness in his tone is truly directed to no one but himself. “I know my strength. You know my strength. It’s a fucking miracle it’s not worse than what it already is. If I had hit you hard enough and at the right angle—”

“But, you didn’t.” She knows exactly what he’s getting at, and she refuses to allow him to travel down that dark 'what if' road. “Ro, I know you’re upset with yourself, but please don’t do this. You don’t need to leave. I don’t want you to leave.”

And deep down, he doesn’t want to leave. Would love to stay here and just go see his aunt with his wife, but that won’t solve anything. It’s putting an old band-aid on an open, deep wound. He needs to separate himself so that he can turn his feelings completely off. Disconnect and detach. 

Or sort through in a way that is violent and unacceptable here. Especially around Solana.

And that’s exactly what being in Italy, being around those people, could do for him. 

Roman tries to explain as such to his wife without going into too much detail.

“You’re right. I do need to get away. But, going by Fetu isn’t going to help this.” It’s not going to help, because he doesn’t have an abundance of confusion he needs to sort through. He has anger, aggression, rage. All unlocked by fucking McIntyre that he needs to do away with, and being around his aunt, cousin, and even wife won’t do it. “We can go when I get back—”

She closes her eyes. “Roman—”

“Solana.” He’ll be honest, he expected her to not be happy with his decision, but her level of emotionality seems on the higher end of normal. She seems more emotional than usual. “I love you.” And he always will. “But, what happened last night can’t happen again.”

He won’t let it happen again.

“What if—what if I leave?” She suggests, Roman frowning at the almost desperation in her tone. “I can go stay with Naomi or Bayley for a couple days. Give—give you space.”

“Solana—”

“Hell, even Nia, if that would make you feel better.”

“Sol—”

“Just please.” Her voice cracks as she grabs onto his shirt, begging almost, “please don’t leave me.” She buries herself into his chest, Roman holding her, wanting to assure her that he’s not leaving her. He’s leaving the situation to get a clear mind, to figure out what he needs to do. 

Because he wasn’t lying when he said there’s nothing in this world that scares him more than losing her. Than something happening to her. 

He just could have never anticipated that he could ever be a direct reason for something happening to her.

That something bad—or worse—could happen to her at his hands.

Because he swore he’d always protect her. 

And he always will.

Even if that danger is himself.

Even if it means doing what neither of them may want but is ultimately what’s best for her. 

Even if it breaks the heart that will always belong to her. 

Whether they’re together or not.

[ginger-berrie]

SO I JUST SAW FALSETTOS LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME

HOLY SHIT OKAY. HEY GUYS I JUST GOT BACK FROM SEEING FALSETTOS. LIVE. MY FAVOROITE MUSICAL EVER. I HAVE WORDS TO SAY.

So firstly I of course have to say this musical is fucking phenomenal and if u havent seen it even on youtube you HAVE to. onne of the best musicals ever wrutten. ignore any typos in this my hands r still shaking and im not editing htis. OKAY.

The actors. It was a college level production but the actors were so so talented. My favorite performances were from Mendel and Jason, who both pulled off their roles INCREDIBLY. Mendel was like a carbon copy of Brandon Uranowitz he had his mannerisms DOWN. All the nervous ticks, touching his face, being generally so awkward all the time, even his face was just perfec t for the role. And Jason was played by an adult femme-presenting person but they were so good as him!!!!! their voice fit him perfectly and she also perfectly encompassed Jason;s awkward childlike nature. The entire cast was incredible but those two really stood out to me!!!! Everyone's singing voices as well were fantastic, especially Trina's—she KILLED the high notes and even sung up the octave on a few lines !!!! including the "but still the bastard divorced me" and she still belted the "you must exorcise a devil" even AFTER Im Breaking Down. In fucking sane.

THAT BEING SAID THOUGH. Even though i enjouyed every second of it I do wanna make some more analysis-related directing critiques because im fucked up and evil about this show . im so sorry just let me speak here meaout. Stating right now though I've only seen the 2016 revival (about 2 dozen times) and not the original 90's version (been meaning to watch it just havent gotten the chance) so i reserve all TRUE judgement until after I see it!!! maybe some of these choices were in the original but tbh if they were i still like how the revival did it better. okay i swear im not just one of those ppl who is like "tHaTS noT hOw ThEY dId iT On BroADwAy" calm down. thanks <3

First of all. Some of the scenes lacked energy !!!!! Thrill of first love had no homoerotic choreography!!!!! they just kinda sat there on the couch looking morose and barely looking at each other as if they truly just hate each other and feel ANYthing towards each other anymore at all. But thats not the point!!!!!! They dont fully hate each other theyre just lacking the excitement that they once had and it's been replaced with nothing but disagreements and sex. When Whizzer and Marvin do their gay little dance theyre not just dancing and being gross and sexual theyre also FIGHTING!!!! they still care about each other they just dont know how to act!!!! and marvin's a bitch of course. Marvin was still very much a bitch. But because of the lack of energy in this song there was a bit of a lack of chemistry between the two as well, which carried through the whole show. I feel like it's important to see just how gross fucked up n nasty these two are about each other to see how its truly affecting the other people in Marvin's life. Even their chemistry during the chess game was lacking. They just kinda felt like they really hated each other. Which isnt the pointtttttt. Guh

Trina (or the directors idk) also made some choices I wasn't 100% on board with but they were more subtle. Mostly in her tone about Mendel. Up through Please Come To Our House she seemed to really really like Mendel. Like it was clear she was attempting to woo him. But then when he was proposing, and when they were maknig their home together, she just seemed. Unenthused. I know Trina truly doesn't really love her life, and just needs the stability of a nuclear family, but it was odd to see her not even attempt to keep up the facade on her own. Her and Mendel were similarly lacking in a lot of chemistry because of this, which, maybe to some of you makes sense but to me i do want to see them be close even if Mendel isn't absolutely the best.

LAST CRITIQUE OKAY. This one is BIG SPOILERS if u havent seen it yet but probably if ur reading this far youve already seen it okay. The fuckign bar mitzvah!!!!! There was no acknowledgement from Whizzer to Jason as he was reading his Torah !!!!!!! He just layed there in the hospital bed, facing AWAY from the audience so we could only see the very top of his head (which was on purpose for a quick change but) and he didnt get up at all to thank Jason or even acknowledge him :( for all the audience knows maybe he didnt even see Jason get bar mitzvahd. screaming crying throwing up.

OKAY IM DONE W BEING MEAN HERES A BIG CHANGE I REALLY LOVED !!!!!! as well as some smaller changes that i also really liked or were jsut neutral things i noticed

For most of act 2, up until Days Like This, They had this really cool circus imagery? Now once again idk if this is in the OG, but they had a picture of each cluster of characters set up on either side of the stage, and each of them was doing some sort of circus act both in the pictures and on stage, especially during A Day in Falsettoland. When a character was having their point in the song, they'd sometimes cut the lights briefly and suddenly the characters would be struggling to perform their little circus act, and each of them had a differnt one respectively and they all represented their immaturities/flaws/struggles:

Jason was on stilts, representing his need to grow up and perhaps his perceived mental maturity compared to the other characters

Trina was balancing/spinning plates on sticks, representing her need to keep balance and order in her life

Marvin + Whizzer were fencers because of their lingering animosity, yet newfound respect, for one another. Fencing isnt a dangerous sport, like you dont actually hurt your opponent in it, but it;s still a fight and youre still pointoing a weapon at them. guh. (AND BTW they did this during the racquetball scene and HOLY SHIT. I just gotta describe this one. Racquetball number 1 They had their little racquets as they were singing to each other but then when they got really into the game the lights would cut and then theyd be FENCING each other instead!!!!! and then the lights would cut again and itd go back to racquetball!!!! BUT THEN in the racquetball number 2 when it cut to them fencing ONLY MARVIN HAD A SWORD. WHIZZER STILL HAD HIS RACQUET. GIUUHUHGGHGHGHGHGH.;..,.,/;;'.';.;'[[[.)

Then the lesbians from next door were like a duo balancing/acrobatics act where they were always leaning on each other and picking each other up which was cute but also like. Charlotte would start falling in one direction and Cordelia would have to scrambke to catch her. I always hail them as the healthiest couple in the show but sometimes i forget they have problems too, like Cordelia;s insecurity and Charlotte's stress over the virus of course.

And finally Mendel!!!! was the fucking ringmaster!!!!! He had a hoop and a top hat and every time he was trying to calm down Jason (Everyone Hates His Parents), or Caroline, or Trina (A Day in Falsettoland), he would appear with his hoop and top hat, to show that HE is the one who needs to "control" other people's lives, or at least he feels the need to direct them. Mendel of course needs to feel like he's smarter than everyone else and like he's the only one who can help people. It really drove that home and it was an insane realization to come to. Phenomenal directing choice idk who came up with that but. bravissimo to you

Now miscellaneous stuff i liked or noticed!!!

They didn't have the big ol foam block. just some couch ends that they moved around to be diff pieces of furniture. If you've ever seen Waiting In The Wings' analysis on falsettos you might have seen a comment in the youtube section discussing how in the set design for the revival, the lack of real furniture through most of the show represents the lack of maturity of the characters, and as things get serious for them, more real props and set pieces get added. Like the chess board, the decor for Mendel + Trina's home, Whizzer's suitcase, the whole hospital room, etc. They didn't lean into that with this but i think that's fine! its not a necessary detail in my opinion and they did their best with what they had!!

Marvin didn't hand whizzer the suitcase after the chess game. He just grabbed it, and packed it himself. I was waiting for him to slam it into whizzer's chest or something. but no. Whizzer just picked it up and walked off. okay. Neutral bad change imo

Marvin's performances of What would I do and What more can i Say were. Breathtaking. Marvin actor if you're out there reading this your voice is lovely and carries so much emotion in your solo numbers. I Did Cry. a little bit

god their group number harmonies were AMAZING. All of the cast members' voices blended together so well and it was absolutely beautiful. the whole show was beautiful and i adored it i swear. I jsut need somwhere to put my feelings

THE ORCHESTRA FUCKED. IT FUCKED

Okay its getting late now and im fading quickly BUT IF U READ THIS FAR UR INSANE. This is for me and nobody else i just eneded to feelings dump. tl;dr: i fucking lvoe falsettos this was one of the best nights of my life i love you actors i love you pit i love you lighting i love you run crew i love you sound crew i love you musical theatre

[uboatheflesh]

Here's me recording/performing of empathy shield live on Behind The Mirror, RTR 92.1 FM on the 24th of August 2023. photos by alt.live.perth (Jess).

Set was a little shorter due to the radio time constraints. Also gave a brief interview (the interview on the site was done beforehand over email, theres also a pre-mastered version of empathy on there, I only spoke briefly after the set on radio). Again, empathy shield was completely improvised based on carefully pre-selected sound design elements. Done in the middle of autistic burnout, where I could barely speak on radio due to slowly going into verbal shutdown . Luckily my tour hosts Jess and Amir were absolutely supportive and got me through it.

I went on to play this show a few days in later, also in borloo/perth at the Badlands Bar. It used a lot of the same elements of empathy shield. I have a few feelings about it.

After the end of my set, I had a total verbal shutdown as soon as I got off stage and snuck back into the green room.

Worse, I managed to break the zip on my dress (got caught in the mesh I was wearing) and was stuck in it for 20 minutes before I had to ask a band for a shirt to cover the broken top half. Then several old perth friends I had not talked to in ages came in to talk to me only to find me simply unable to say hi back. I felt terrible about it. Indeed, I was in a terrible state. However - everybody around me there understood. A fellow autistic woman even gave me a fidget spinner. Even if I didn't use it (weirdly too overwhelmed to stim?), I kinda happy cry every time I think about that somebody even offered one to me non-judgementally. Only a few years ago would I have seen as a ridiculous r*tard baby for being a 'professional musician' who does this, but now it's ...its treated kinda like normal. Wish I had this kind of understanding growing up before I was diagnosed. Now, I am never the only ND at the gigs I play. Indeed, the NT's are usually the minority at them. Then theres the fact that so many other (and more well-known) musicians are being open about their autism (like Ethel Cain or Justin Broadrick) which would also be unthinkable years beforehand. It genuinely warms my heart. This is why I am loud, proud and cringe about my neurodivergence now. I don't want to be repeatedly traumatised by it anymore based on misunderstandings that we autists inevitably get, or failing to meet allistic standards. Every time I see a fellow autist get horridly traumatised because somebody (usually NT) got the ick it fucking hurts. Or when they blame themselves for failing to meet arbitrary allistic standards and fall into a horrible depression for not being 'normal'. It hurts even more if its a fellow autistic transfeminine person. I wish I could do more about it, like psychology or social work - but music is what I am stuck doing for the time being, so I'll try to do what I can here. Hence several upcoming songs /records (including the two Roadburn commissioned original compositions) neurodivergence takes a central role. It's lame, but sometimes its good to be lame. Sometimes it's necessary. We have a long way to go, but its also important to remember we have also come a long way too.

/gen

[just-some-guy-joust]

im stubborn and i like talking here's the reasons i put every character i did in side a into the tourney. I'll do side b later cause i gotta go to bed soon

important first note, quite a few of my decisions were because i was trying to get women in here and it was getting desperate because i had to cut out a lot of women for only being "just some guy" because they were written by a misogynist that made her sit on the sidelines and cheer for the male leads. The Woman Situation Is Always So Fucking Dire.

anyways on to the actual contestants im gonna start with the characters that have been causing the most people to start up shit about them not being just some guy

barry bluejeans (taz balance): 2 submissions, personal bias. i think a lot of people are misunderstanding what this tournament is tbh. this isnt about the "normal" characters, tho normalcy does play a factor in it. this is about dudes who are just some guy. there is a difference. barry is a dnd npc who wears blue jeans in a fantasy world and he loves his wife. yes he is a lich. yes he is involved in the main plot. he's also just chillin. like if the plot didn't happen the way it did barry would be playing sudoku or crosswords. he'd be an average man in a very fantasy world. he is so average and human its funny. he is just some guy

tommy (hlvrai): 1 submission, personal bias. his just some guy energy is so there. he gets a propeller hat that does nothing when all of his crew is getting cool guns and upgrades. his life goal is to go home and take his dog for a walk. he gets a chuck e cheese birthday party. he sounds like he's going to burst into tears at any moment. compared to the rest of the crew, tommy is comedically just some guy

ulala (persona 2): 1 submission, description swayed me. it described the list of characters in persona 2 and ulala was just "your roommate that wanted to go to a party". that's hilarious. also i was getting fucking desperate for women that didn't suck ass as i stated above

apollo (ace attorney): 2 submissions, personal bias, descriptions swayed me. yall the submissions for him were so fucking funny. he's just a lawyer. he just wants to do his job but he lives in the ace attorney universe so everything is fucked all the time. he would've been a normal lawyer if he hadn't met phoenix wright. he's just chillin.

ok now here's every other character

sasha james (tma): 1 submission, friend bias, good description. i asked r if i should put her in because they know tma and they said yes. submission described her as loving to organize and avoided many monsters by being just some guy.

reigen arataka (mp100): 2 submissions. i thought it'd be funny and i was right. he is also just a normal man pretending he's not and he refuses to give up the bit he 100% deserves to be here

joy (underworld office): 1 submission, friend bias. the mc is going through wild ghost related problems and she's just going . hey man. you good??? r's sister submitted her and im not letting her down dude she's awesome

junpei (zero escape): 3 submissions, personal bias. he is literally the only character who has no connection to the larger mystery he's just there because he loves 1 girl. he's PAINFULLY and VITALLY just a dude. i need him

horse (centaurworld): 1 submission. i thought it'd be really funny to include just a horse. her name is horse. thats fucking awesome dude

phone guy (fnaf): 2 submissions. he was the only character from fnaf that got more than 1 submission and there were like 9 fnaf submissions i kinda felt bad tbh. he was also the best example of just some guy out of all the fnaf submissions

gordon freeman (hlvrai): 1 submission. he is a guy playing a video game. he is the straight man to the rest of the crews antics and by god he plays his role well

joshua gillespie (tma): 4 submissions, friend bias, hilarious descriptions. he avoids getting killed because he's so good at following instructions despite him clearly supposed to be dying here. they said don't open the coffin so he didn't. simply don't tuesday

namari (dungeon meshi): 1 submission, personal bias. i like her c: she's pretty level headed compared to like. everyone else in laios's crew. she seems like somebody i could just be friends with and hang out with

shez (fire emblem): 3 submissions, hilarious descriptions. i might try getting into fire emblem because of this. ok so they got murdered in a previous game off screen and now they're the playable character of a new game in a new timeline and they're fucking everything up because they're just supposed to be some guy? thats so fucking funny holy shit i want to know more

henry stickmin (henry stickmin): 1 submission. henry stickmin. like idk i dont feel like i gotta explain this one he's a stickman

stanley (tsp): guaranteed entry

whole (chonny jash): 1 submission, friend bias. tbh i saw him and went oh fuck yeah thats the thing my friends like and then i put him in there. i dont actually know enough about chonny jash to say anything on this but i fully trust the submitter knew what they were doing

larry (pokemon): guaranteed entry

luke carder (inscryption): 1 submission, friend bias, good description. he is just a normal youtuber in the lore of the game. he fucking love card game. good for him man good for him

leorio (hxh): 3 submissions, friend bias, good descriptions. idk a lot about hxh but the descriptions of him compared to the other main characters was pretty convincing

barry the quokka (sonic): guaranteed entry

april o'neil (tmnt): 1 submission, friend bias. absolutely normal girl that just happens to be the one that found the turtles and become their friend

tsuzuru (a3!): 3 submissions, friend bias. descriptions definitely made him feel like a good fit. he's so good at being just some guy i actually thought he was a different character and was shocked when i went to grab images for the tourney and he wasnt the guy i thought he was. which is really funny. like who the fuck is he then. this didn't change my opinion or anything it was just so good

matt (woe.begone): 1 submission. woe.begone fans have ALWAYS been kind to me so they got some mod bias sprinkled in. i dont know what this guys deal is but in the dbtn tourney the guy who got in there had a giant fucking list of things that are happening to him all the time and apparently thats just what woe.begone is like so i believe it when told matt is normal in comparison. everything else is so batshit wild I Just Believe You

gilear (fantasy high): 2 submissions. he seems to be just a dad. wasn't going to get in at first tbh just for personal reasons but i was running out of characters that i felt actually fit the tournament well so ultimately he got in

emmet (lego movie): 4 submissions. honestly with the number of submissions we got, 4 submissions was basically a guaranteed entry. and emmet's whole story is about being just some guy

stahl (fire emblem): 1 submission, hilarious description. fire emblem fans are so funny. what do you mean he can only be perfectly average because everyone else improves/gets worse with him to keep him perfectly average. what the fuck. thats so good

doug (wolf359): 2 entries. i dont know jack shit about wolf359 and honestly the submissions didn't tell me a lot but it was enough to figure he qualifies and i was running out of characters that felt good for the tourney. i trust you wolf359 fans

jack townsend (tales from the gas station): 1 submission, good description. he works at an evil gas station and the description gave me no follow up on what an evil gas station is which is awesome. apparently the horrors are constantly happening and he's just kinda staring at them. he's not paid enough for this

frisk (undertale): guaranteed entry

brian pasternack (yuppie psycho): 1 submission. im gonna be super honest with you here. i dont remember. i know he qualifies but i have 0 thoughts about him. maybe thats a good thing in this tourney. he's an average office worker who has now been tasked with killing The Witch.

trevor (american arcadia): 4 submissions, personal bias, good descriptions. dude i fucking love american arcadia it's so fucking good what a nightmare. he's so normal they were going to kill him for not being entertaining enough

[sol-consort]

I've been watching those modded gameplays (the ones that let femshep date the male only romancable character), and I was watching the Miranda one, and they're so sweet together 😭. Like Miranda doesn't see herself as a person and only as an instrument, but Shepard makes her realize she's so much more than that!! And low-key they're kinda enemies to lovers too now that I think about it because Miranda didn't like Shepard and Shepard didn't trust Miranda because she was cerberus. But in the end, they worked it out on the remix (The normandys engine room). The illusive man hates to see it.

(Side note: the sex scene in the boiler room was crazy I was not expecting her to take off her suit. I'm kinda jealous because when I played me2, Garrus touched Shepard's shoulder, and then the scene faded to black. Which, like ofc the dialog, tension, and chemistry were good, but I was trying to see some turian badussy)

It's the whole assumption that maleshep players must be guys, and "guys def just want hot intense makeout scenes and to see the other person naked asap"

That to the devs, femshep players must be "women who only care about sensual sex, who are satisfied with a simple fade to black as long as the scene is emotional and romantic"

Kinda of ass

Men deserve soft sex, women deserve to get down nasty. How do these reinforced gender roles even work when someone is NB? Each character's sex scene should be based around their own personality and what would fit them the most.

For example Thane sex scene, it made sense to focus more on the feelings, for him to get very emotional about sleeping with someone after so long, the guilt and sudden moral awareness he has endured, for the whole scene to feel heavy and stuffed, making your heart wrench just for the need to comfort him. For the camera to focus on the way you held his hand, this simple act was anything but casual at that moment.

But Garrus? GARRUS??? he would've slammed you against the wall. Let's be fr. Yes, he is an awkward nerd for guns, but he is also f e r a l when the heat is on. He can be both, especially after all the build-up in that stupid calibration room, about him watching videos and waiting for the right opportunity for the two of you to sneak off. Doesn't he compare it to two turians wrestling to blow off steam for fucks sake? How does that translate into a hand on the shoulder, then fade to black??

[blair-the-juggalho]

Hi, hope you're okay! Could you possibly do TWDG s1 group reacting to a reader who is maybe s4 clementines age taking care of a kid? Like in the form of headcanons. If not, then could it possibly be s2? Thanks a lot and you're great at writing, don't worry if you can't do this.

Of course I’ll give it a go tysm for all that btw it truly means a lot to me <<<333 sorry if these are a bit rubbish/ out of character I’ve never written for S1 before but I’m exited to do so! :D low key forgot who was a part of the S1 group lmao!

Twdg Season 1 group with an reader who’s looking after a kid

Lee

He empathises with you a lot since he kinda sees himself in you

And he will always be there helping you out and giving you advice if you needed it

He will also look out for you kid! Yk that part when he has to choose who to give rations to? Yeah well you and yer kid r defo getting some food <3!

He’d relate to you a lot and you’d both talk about how stressful it can be but it’s totally rewarding as you both love yer little guys!

This man is always on your side no matter what he has full trust in you and he’s glad to know that your child is in safe hands!

Kenny

This man really loves you and your kid!

He’s always nice to you (and as long as your loyal and treat him with equal amount of respect) he’s always on your side backing you up

If anyone questions wether or not you old enough to take care of a kid he will be right by your side biting their head off!

He’d encourage duck to spend time with your kid and warn him not to be too energetic especially at first lmao

Your most definitely ok to come with him and his family in the caravan if things go to shit :D

Katjaa

This gorgeous soul truly empathised with you

She would always be there if you needed advice or just someone to talk too!

She’d also encourage duck to hang out with your kid and she’d have to remind him to try and chill out about around them lmao

She had a lot of respect for you and thinks your an amazing person for taking care of a child in a world like this

There’s not many good, caring people left so it really does warm her heart

She will also try and help you relax more when your not doing whatever job you’re doing!

She knows you need a brake, lovely! No matter how strong and capable you are <3

Duck

Duck was super exited when you and your kid showed up!

It was two new ppl to hang out with!

He can be a bit much at times, always asking you two questions and trying to get your kid to play with him but he means well!

He thinks your a totally awesome role model so he has a lot of respect for you! Especially if you where cool or was willing to play with him and yer kid :D

Sometimes he would get a bit nosy because he was confused, you where very young and you where looking after a kid??? What happened to their parents???He’d ask you about it and if it made you uncomfortable you’d get katjaa or Kenny pulling him away and apologising to you

He doesn’t really understand what’s not ok to ask <:p but I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again he does mean well lmao

Clementine

Clem really liked you and your kid!

You where like a younger version of lee in her eyes, therefore she’s trusts you a lot more!

If your kid is more like duck then she’ll be nice but won’t talk to them as much :p

However if they’re more like her in the sense that they’re more relaxed or quite then she loves hanging out with them!

She’ll always draw you two pictures!

And if you ever needed a brake to just relax she’d drag your kid of to go and draw with her!

Larry

(This man is so fucking scray oml 😭😭😭😭)

He’s a pretty serious, grumpy guy and he’s super intimidating so your kid (and you) probably tried to avoid him at first

However even if he didn’t show it he would look out for you kid!

Sometimes he was a bit suspicious and doubted wether such a young person could look after a child in a world like this:(

But he lets you be (unless he gets really mad and he’ll bring it up :p)

But deep, deep down in that stone cold heart he does want you and your kid to be safe and he feels low key sorry that all this shit happened

Lilly

She always looked out for you and your kid

She’d make sure your child (and if they had enough you) had some food when it came time to ration food

Also if yer child has longer hair you can bet she’d give them some hair bobbles! :D

She also always made small talk to your child she wanted to make sure that they where as happy as they could be in an apocalypse

She would also be there if you needed advice or to vent, her advice can be a bit honest and sometimes hard to hear but it’s pretty helpful tbh!

Doug

His man, like Carley, was never really good with kids

He would always back you up tho and he would always be there if you wanted someone to talk too

He would do anything in his power to make you and your kid feel safe!

I’m sorry but all that’s running through my brain is

“Hey, (kids name)! You want some batteries? :D”

He will try his best to keep you two happy!

Carley

(confession time, I’ve never played her route so I know f all about her)

She’s never really been good with kids tbh

She’s always been nice to them but she never really knows what to do with them

That being said she will always be nice to your kid!

And she really respects how capable you are for taking care of a child!

She truly does admire you for that

She will also go easy on you but will remind you to be strong and to put yourself and your kid first!

Ben

This man does understand you

I mean he’s your age and he did have a younger sibling!

But this man is no help I’m so sorry 😭

Like he wants to help you in anyway he can!

But bro can’t give you advice or anything!

I mean he can tell you stories about his sibling that kinda relates to any issue your having?

But he’s way more of a listener lmao <:)

So talk to him all you want! He’s all ears <3

[securityholograms]

I confess I am very curious. What would your ideal casting be for a DJKT production of Cabaret?

oh my god, first of all, I could yap about this for hours so thanks so much for the question! (edit after typing out a bit of it: it’s already very long i’m so so sorry)

For the casting itself, I’m mostly gonna ignore the vocal ranges because I don’t really know how deep or high the djkt people can go so take that with a grain of salt😭 and i’m going off of the characters that are currently in the production in Prague (so only one KitKat boy, but they could easily add “Victor” like some other productions have etc.)

Now the characters:

Emcee: You really need someone who’d be comfortable with the whole exhibitionist shtick and can carry the show on their back. I feel like Lukáš Ondruš could pull it off (it= being a creepy little guy) but my secret wish is Pavel R.😭the reasoning is just that I know he’d lowkey love the attention and he’s been getting all the /sexy leading man/ dudes lately, which is so valid for him, but I also kinda need more from him at this point and this would be it🙏🏻( # PavelForAFreak )

Sally: Naty Dvořáková would be great, after hearing her Mary Magdalene, I think her voice would suit sally really well and she’d drive the emotional ending home. If I wanted to give a leading role to someone who hasn’t gotten one in a while- Karolína Krausová, I really loved her in Píseň pro Ninu and this is in the same category (kind of).

bonus: If she hasn’t aged out of the role.. Soňa👉👈 she’s mother to me and this would fix me (or make me worse)

Cliff: Oh boy. this is a big one for me (clearly lmao) This might be an unpopular opinion but even though Cliff is kind of in the shadow of Sally and the MC, especially in the newest West End revival (soon a broadway revival) I really believe he’s the heart of the show, he’s the audience’s link to the characters, It’s who we relate to and who is, ultimately, the good guy. And so I think he’s kind of quietly what makes or breaks the show in the end (the emotional aspects of it at the very least)….

Ok, that was a long ass way of saying I’d obviously need Pavel Klimenda as Cliff ✨ He’s showed times and times again he’s really good at the “Am I gonna finish this or is it gonna finish me” sad boy agenda, so I think he’d easily pull it off and break all of our hearts along the way. BUT HERE’S where the real conundrum appears⬇️

Bobby: So if I assume we only get one kitkat boy, it’ll be Bobby. He’s the one who’s hooked up with Cliff in London and that affair kind of re-ignites when Cliff comes to Berlin. In the Prague production, Bobby’s wearing fishnets and heels (they’re HIGH heels) and I can’t really see who from djkt could slay in the same way Pavel Klimenda could. We’ve already seen him do the slightly more fem roles in Otřást vesmírem and Fun Home + he’s a great dancer, which works super well for Bobby.. Buuut he’s already my Cliff here so that’s kind of fucked and idrk what to do with this one😭😂

… ok, going back to Cliff, I think Dušan could do Cliff really well too (he has that sincerity about him when he wants to) so maybe i’ll change my answer to that so that it could actually work. And if I go even more crazy, Adam Rezner’s take on Cliff could be interesting🧐

Ernst: if I’m going off of the typecasting that djkt usually does(sorry ok), it’s Hruškoci and it’s not even close😭 My slightly more adventurous pick would be Pavel R., he needs to play a hatable character (that people don’t want to fuck) just once tbh and I think he’d appreciate the challenge.

Fräulein Schneider: (keeping this short) Stanislava Topinková Fořtová

Herr Schultz: hmmm i don’t know the older guys that well so i don’t have anything smart to say on this one 🥲

—

Alright so.. this is a fucking mess, if you’ve made it through to here, I applaud you. I do really hope that we’ll get to see it at some point, though🥲

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

If Leigh hadn't given Zoya Alina's storyline what role do you think she would've played in the next books? Right now she kinda fills in the gap that Alina left as the chosen one 2.0 but if it wasn't that what do you think would've been her story?

I mean that’s really hard to say because then what is the story going to be about? So much of KoS and RoW hinge on that rehashing. Removing it results in a completely different story— which is something I’d be fine with lol but it’s definitely not a case of like what would have happened instead.

Anyway, I personally love Zoya as more of a foil to the Darkling and filling that role of institutional power vs being placed as an Alina type who’s suddenly come into abilities she does not understand. With how much the original trilogy was about the threat of corruption inherent to power, the KoS duology did not engage with it… at all. I think partially because LB wanted to put the conflict to rest as something Alina like… fixed… to uphold the R&R ending. But it’s too neat, and just uninteresting? And Zoya and Nikolai were Team Morally Dubious from the literal beginning! Bizarre to have them refitted to Lawful Good with zero quandaries whatsoever. And it’s just more meaningful imo to see them working to uphold any sort of greater good, that the choices are taxing and dubious and sometimes very morally compromising.

I think Zoya and Nikolai are really interesting and can be super complimentary in how they operate on different sides of a gray morality spectrum. Zoya is ruthless and selfish, she has limits but she’s somewhat just out for herself and the people she cares about. Nikolai is greater good focused but he operates on a means to an end style of morality that’s literally presented as the starting point to where the Darkling ended up. That is bound to result in many ethical clashes! They have very different values!

Anyway I basically just wanted to see Zoya as the new scary power behind the throne. I wanted her as the new Darkling essentially in terms of being the shadowy figure who is doing the dirty work, and willing to get her hands way dirtier because her limits are different from Nikolai’s and she’s willing to go some fucked up places for her convictions. (The Alina to her Darkling lmao)

Like it’s not expanded on in KoS at all, but I see Zoya as something of a zealot tbh? She starts out as the Darkling’s devout follower, then somewhat grudgingly switches her allegiance to Alina. With both of them out of the way, I think Nikolai would fill that role for her. But not necessarily Nikolai the person, vs Nikolai the king and all of the hopes she’s placed on his rule making a difference. Which is to say, I think her devotion would mean she’s perfectly happy to go behind his back or hurt him in some way to protect him or help his rule. Like she is absolutely the person who would order fucked up assassinations that he might have qualms about without telling him because it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Arc-wise I also just wanted to see her struggle way more with the Darkling’s ghost and the values he instilled in her. Navigating the aftermath of that kind of disillusionment, and just trying to figure out what she believes in at all.

Anyway in the version of KoS that exists in my head, there is no new magic or world ending stuff. They’ve fully exited the fairy tale. It’s just politics and the miserable business of piecing a country back together after a civil war, and also recovering from the trauma of everything that happened. But while Nikolai’s come out of it determined to Fix Ravka and Deserve being king and to be nothing like his father, Zoya has come out the other side determined to be efficient. And I’d just love to see them hurt each other a lot on the path to understanding each other and trying to grapple with the above questions of morality, and where to draw the line re: selfishness or destroying oneself for a cause. And most importantly shfhff I do not want an answer!

They’re team Morally Dubious! They live on a precipice! There’s no easy answer beyond just trying to do their best at any given moment and make some ethical trade offs and just hope really hard that overall they’re going in the right direction.

[where-are-the-spooky-gays-2]

I have 3 story ideas I really wanna do so Imma just talk about them here (and if I end up doing one and somehow someone recognizes it on ao3 no you don't <3) (JK I'll probably be elated)

Alien AU — I have this one started already. It is posted. This is also a possible "has this been read here" worry . It's not as romantic and more found family but does include plenty of platonic Virgil/Remus moments (though I do know this blog is otherwise, I felt it was important to mention). Virgil was kidnapped because "human scary lets make it fight other aliens to the death" and he's keeping himself alive because fight or flight. The others are aliens. They're there too. Kidnapped too. Yippee!! They'll eventually all get out and there's going to be a plot twist (not a super big one, just a little funny thing that makes the perspective of Virgil change). Anywho. Aliens <3.

Royalty AU — this is the one with spymaster Virgil and Prince/Knight Remus. This is .. honestly the one that's lacking a plot the most. I'm kinda dying over the fact I can't come up with a plot. Everyone will have their roles and I know for a fact there will be a scene where everyone is like "well shit this is really important. Hey Your Majesty (Thomas, the king), where are you getting all of this information?" and in waltzes dressed-in-rags Virgil with like a wet washcloth over his shoulder fresh outta doing dishes like "me and I got more" and everyone's like ⁉���⁉️⁉️ but thomas is just "yes Virgil what is it". Anyway Virgil starts banging the prince— /j I LOVE ROYALTY SO MUCH RAHHHH

Fae AU — HEY REMEMBER WHAT I SENT AN INFODUMP ABOUT THE FAE AU HEHEHEH I DECIDED!!! So this one will have a beginning of like— Virgil is a human child first. He's like 3 and he finds himself in a fae circle. Janus' fae circle. The fae pops in like "I'm gonna make a deal— oh. A child. Mine now" (plot twist virgils moms bad so it was a good decision). Then Janus raises this human child alongside the fae. It's a little difficult and they have their moments but Virgil is still under the protection of Fuck With Me And Die Janus so he's a little smug bitch. Kinda like a cat. Ever seen a smug cat? That's Virgil. And uh there's this one fae who's about equal his age at the time and that fae is a little unsettling and just reeeaaaaaally likes this human, okay? Nothing weird! Just. Just wants to smooch the human. Just a little crush. Anyway Virgil starts dating Remus and it's like "woah hold on wait I didn't teach you dating customs wait—" :D

Input? I genuinely cannot pick. Also ty for letting me infodump Dukexiety nation love y'all <3

— 👑

D E V O U R I N G this all 3 are S O fucking good!!! First things first

Alien AU: Found Family? D E L I C I O U S. Aliens, A N G S T, Plot twist, and badass Vee doing whatever it takes to survive? *chef's kiss*

Royalty AU: Cool and D E L I C I O U S has underrated roles the Spooky Beloveds and Character!Thomas have L O V E it (Remember to take your time with this one I know exactly what it's like to really wanna work on an AU/Fic but not figuring out a lot of plot to write it'll come to you trust me maybe planning and playing around with different scenarios can help or some thinking about some of the character's backstories)

Fae AU: L O V E L O V E L O V E it it's got smug Cat coded Vee, Jan being a healthier parental figure Vee always needed, Fae!Ree & Jan, Dukexiety of course, and Jan having his son grow up a liiittle too fast for him XD

[eurydicees]

My sister's doing a musical (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musical) and she's playing the main character (even though it's a guy)! She's singing all the time and I love it. I can't wait to see it. I'm visiting the theater more lately and I saw a horrible local production of Robin Hood last week which was absolutely hilarious. The cast consisted of 55 people??? What the fuck? Meanwhile I'm trying to take up a new hobby to do outside of work. And not just drawing or writing, I need to go somewhere where I actually meet other people. Not sure what to do yet. Tomorrow I'm baking a marshmallow cake for my grandparents so I have an excuse to visit them. My mother is depressed lately since her brother committed suicide but I finally managed to talk to her about it and last week she's FINALLY gone to the doctor and gotten meds. Not sure if they're working yet but at least we're talking about it now. My brother isn't pissed at me all the time anymore since he's found a way to cope with his anger issues. And he even seems quite happy lately, so that's good. At my job things are kind of shitty but at least many of my colleagues are also against the ridiculous things the management is trying to make us do. And there's always something to talk about. One of my colleagues has the prettiest fucking eyes I've ever seen so I like to see him every time. Next year the musical Hadestown is coming to our country so I can't wait to see that. That's all I can think of right now. I hope you can find things to enjoy and look forward to as well, even though we're living through some very strange times.

thank u for the life update!!! it seems like you're doing well overall and exciting things r happening, so i'm very happy for you<3

i love horrible local theatre, and a 55 person cast is genuinely a deranged choice. like im sorry but what. you're putting FIFTY FIVE people on one stage? how did you possibly make that work?????? and congrats to your sister for the lead role!!! i hope it goes well, and i'm rooting for her!

i'm also trying to find hobbies outside of work and of making art alone in my room.....lmk if you come up with anything lol i'm taking advice on that. i bought an embroidery kit and that's kinda fun, but it's not any better for my wrists than typing so much is tbh so idk if it's really a net win. really i need to socialize somehow. but where do you even start with that. how do you make friends as an adult.

marshmallow cake sounds so tasty...drop the recipe👀👀 ?

i'm so sorry to hear about your mother's brother, sending love to your family. i'm glad she's getting help though; and it's really good that your brother seems to be doing better as well. little big steps forward!

ough things at work being shitty suck but also there's nothing that will bond a group of people better than the common enemy of Upper Management(tm) lol so at least you've got that going for you. a pretty eyes colleague is very nice too :D

i hope you get to see hadestown!!!!! it's such a good show and it's 10000000% worth getting tickets for.

thanks so much for the ask, this did end up making me feel a little better :) sending u all the best!

[beecreeper]

Do you mind if I ask K, N, R and U for Briar and Ferox In the NSFW ask BG3 edition? I know you didn't reblog the ask so you can of course totally ignore this if you're not comfortable with it!

I did reblog it, actually! So we're all good xD

Kinky rambling under the cut:

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Briar's sexuality is like "Oops! All kinks!". She's ace in the sense that she's not physically attracted to bodies but hypersexual in the sense that orgasms and bdsm are very very fun. The biggest thing for her is the power dynamics and playing mind games. Loves domming and being in control but also subbing and making the other person *think" they're in control. Though she's a HUGE brat when she subs. Loves to incite Gortash into punishing her. >:3 She's also big big big into both sadism and masochism. Literally no one is making it out of an encounter with her unscathed.

Ferox is less wild but still got some kinks in there. Likes bondage (receiving) an amount that surprises himself. Also likes getting bossed around. 😌

(Also his dark urge gets all excited about causing pain but he personally feels really bad and guilty about it. It's complicated lol)

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

For Briar, anything "romantic" is a huuuuuge ick for her. Candles??? Rose petals on the bed??? Get the fuck OUT of here. Also, like I said before she's "oops all kinks" and no sexual attraction, so anything that focuses more on the bodies than on the power dynamics is an active turn off for her. That's also why places like Sharess' Caress hold zero interest for her. Like, yeah she could pay them to do exactly what she wants but it's not the same. It's not a challenge. Since she's not technically interested in the sex part, the game is all there really is for her and she doesn't want to pay to win.

It's not necessarily a turn off but Ferox is kinda touchy about receiving pain because it triggers his urge and that scares him (Gortash of course uses that to his advantage because he loves to live dangerously). He doesn't like to go much further than love bites or pressing nails or hair pulling. He's CERTAINLY not signing up for full impact play. He also isn't a fan of taking a leading role. He's not *passive* and in fact he's often the one doing things rather than receiving them, but only because his partner is the one calling the shots. He's subbing from the top, you know? He never has a dom attitude and would feel really uncomfortable if he ever tried.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Briar is all ABOUT risk. She needs SOMETHING to make it exciting or she's not interested.

Ferox is more tentative. If you asked him he'd probably say no, but in the moment... well that's a different story, isn't it? In the moment he responds very intuitively and enthusiastically and will likely do just about anything if his partner wants it.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

IT'S BRIAR'S LITERAL FAVORITE THING (surpassed only slightly by murder. And even then...) Seriously I cannot overstate how much Briar loves to tease. She is a certified BRAT.

Ferox muuuuuuch less so. He's a very direct kinda person. Also, he's often responding to what his partner is telling him to do and my boy follows instructions very well. 😊 I also think he just does not have the self control to tease.

[justmenoworries]

My unorganized thoughts about Hazbin finale because I am feeling all the feelings.

Positives

The songs? Absolute bangers. Both of them. The Chaggie "More Than Anything" reprise got spoiled for me but I still loved it. We stan a supportive couple ready to go to war together. The reprise for "Happy Day in Hell" at the end was a nice touch. Loved that it was Lucifer who picked up the slack to cheer up Charlie. Mans finally becoming the dad who stepped up.

The battle as a whole was awesome. Hot take, but if Adam didn't have the spawn infinite enemies cheat all bad guy armies seem to have in these situations, the Hotel definitely would've won.

I'll admit, I wasn't too jazzed about Sir Pentious replacing Mimzy in the main cast but he kind of redeemed (lol) himself for me this episode. Bro was both one of the funniest and most heartwarming characters in the finale get yourself a man who can do both. The unholy (lol) noises I made when he showed up as a redeemed soul in Heaven. Good for him! He deserves the best. Also I find Sera's and Emily's reactions to the reveal kind of interesting. Emily is overjoyed seeing that Charlie's idea works, but Sera looks... mortified? Disgusted? Kinda tells us which one of these two really deserves the title of Big Good. Side note, but it's kind of funny how the only physical change a redeemed sinner goes through is that their color scheme is now pastel instead of goth.

ADAM FUCKING DIED YESSIRRRRR! GOOD RIDDANCE BITCH NO ONE WILL MISS YOUUUU (Except for Lute, but no one gives a fuck about what Lute thinks, cry harder hoe)

Charlie's and Lucifer's true formssss! Razzle and Dazzle getting to be badassss! (R.I.P. Dazzle, hope you somehow end up in Heaven too)

Alastor Vs Adam. Cool fight, surprisingly not as one-sided as one might've thought. I mean, Alastor still lost but he lasted a lot longer than most of the others who fought against Adam (Poor Sir Pen)

Vaggie and Lute rematch, I fucking called ittttt!

Seeing everyone gear up and fight for the Hotel was cool, seeing so many Exorcists get axed off was cathartic as fuck.

Lute losing a part of her body because of Vaggie, just like she took a part of Vaggie's body was *chef's kiss*.

Lucifer Vs Adam and Lucifer just... not taking the fight seriously at all until Charlie almost gets hurt. He was really just toying with Adam for the entire first half and when he started getting serious Adam got trashed so fucking quick, I love it.

Charlie fucking shanking Adam and stopping his punch Just Like That. I lover her, she's such a badass. Sure wish we could've seen more of that (foreshadowinggg)

Vox acting as the greek chorus for the events of the episode works surprisingly well. Ngl I thought his constant commentary would get annoying really fast if they kept cutting away from the action just so he can say a funny. But no, they actually managed to time it pretty well. Props to Adam Stein (writer for this episode).

The Negatives (Yes, They Exist)

The other Vees did not need to be here. Seriously, we're starting off with Vox alone in his control room and we could've stayed there. Velvette and Valentino didn't even talk for the majority of the episode. And I'm not a fan of how Val continues to be played for comedy. Unfriendly reminder that this man is a r*pist and an abuser. If you needed a V for the funnies, Velvette and Vox are quite literally right there. (Can you believe Velvette had no lines this episode but fucking Val had both a speaking role and a not insignificant part of the ending song? Weak.) You can still have the ending scene of the Vees hanging out and planning after the aborted Extermination, literally nothing changes if you cut Val and Velvette from the cutaway gags.

Not a fan of how Lucifer stole the spotlight. "But you said you liked the Adam Vs Lucifer fight-" Yeah, I did. Doesn't change that this shouldn't have been Luci's fight, it should have been Charlie's. We've had hints this whole season that Charlie is actually way stronger and wrathful than anyone thinks and that she's actively working to keep up her cheerful and friendly persona. Her stabbing Adam with her trident was a nice start, but after Lute killed Dazzle and seriously endangered Vaggie, this should've been the moment Charlie decided "Alright that's it, no more Miss Nice Girl, I didn't want this to end in bloodshed but these assholes are going down." This should've been the moment where the gloves come off. How much more impactful would it be if Charlie was the one beating down Adam but stopping before killing him? If the show made it clear Charlie could murder this asshole, but she doesn't, because she's still better than he ever will be. What a way to show that Charlie truly does believe in the good in everyone or at least still believes in non-lethal solutions to the conflict between Heaven and Hell! But nope, Charlie gets two badass moments, then is banished to the side-lines and to the role of damsel Lucifer has to save and who has to be the metaphorical angel on Lucifer's shoulder who stops him from offing Adam (for some reason). If we needed to get Lucifer involved, maybe have him show up earlier to help the Hotel but get hurt somehow, forcing and motivating Charlie to step up as the future ruler of Hell. Speaking of-

Why the fuck was Lucifer so late to the fight??? Yeah yeah, I know, depressed shut-in, but in "More Than Anything" he literally calls Charlie "the only thing worth fighting for" in Hell. He knew the Extermination was coming. Yeah, maybe Charlie didn't tell him that the trial in Heaven went south and that Adam's Exorcists were going to target the Hazbin Hotel, but you'd think he'd have noticed something was up??? More importantly, if he really wanted to support Charlie's dream of saving the sinners in Hell, why didn't he take part in the battle from the start??? Why didn't Charlie ask him to fight alongside her??? Yeah, Charlie is reluctant to ask Lucifer for anything because they don't have the best relationship, but we've had an entire fucking episode of them growing closer and Lucifer assuring Charlie he'd help her. And this wasn't just a matter of pride, Charlie's friends and her girlfriend were in danger of getting killed, you're telling me she'd choose her own hang-up over all of them??? "But if Lucifer was there, the fight would've been over too quick-" refer to the previous point. Angels can be hurt and killed by angelic weaponry, there were like over a hundred Exorcists on that battlefield and don't tell me Adam would be above fighting dirty by attacking while Lucifer is distracted. There. Easy way to take Lucifer out of the fight and make way for Charlie.

Not a fan of how Cherri Bomb x Sir Pentious was bullrushed in this last episode. Yeah, we established Pentious likes her, but Cherri had like no interest in him until Angel commented he might have two dicks. Which, I guess her being after a purely physical relationship could work, but we all know that's not what Pentious wants. Their "romance" gives "He Was a Boy She Was a Girl" vibes. Like Velvette and Valentino, nothing in the episode would've been lost if that particular plot-line was dropped.

"The future of Hell belongs to the Vees" Yeah but does it though? Does it? Sorry, but I'm having a hard time taking these three seriously as a threat. Vox got effortlessly trounced by Alastor (and contrary to what the Vees believe he isn't missing, he came back), Velvette talked a big game about fighting the Exorcists but then did absolutely nothing and Val would eat dirt so fast against anyone who can actually fight back. Plus "Overlords hanging by a thread"? Which Overlords, exactly? Alastor? He's not dead and like previously stated, he's not 'missing'. Rosie, Carmilla, Zestial and the rest of the Overlords are just fine, the Extermination was centered around the Hazbin Hotel this time, no other turf even got scratched. "Nature abhors a power vacuum" What power vacuum? Again, no Overlords even died! No territory outside the hotel was destroyed! Are they just on a high from Alastor's supposed disappearance? I hope that's it, because otherwise damn, you three fucking suck at being Overlords.

[lovelandfrogman]

just saw that you saw the neptune theater production of ragad???? how was it!?!

YESSSSS it was so good!!!! sorry for the late reply, i just wanted to write out something detailed for this but didn't have the time!

id been planning to go for a while and i'm so glad it worked out! it definitely lived up to my hype, it was amazing!! ill give some very un-expert and very rambly impressions i had, but PLS let me know if you have specific questions about any details or scenes or choices :D

also i apologize im not a True fan of these 2 actors and i dont remember their names so ill just call them by their characters DHSJD

first off heres the set and playbill!!

i was kinda surprised because all the promo pictures seemed to show them wearing modern suits so i thought it was gonna be a modern setting, but it was just colorful old timey clothes! (sorry im not very knowledgeable on costumes, my main impression was just "oooo fun clothes")

oh one costume note is that one of them was wearing a green suit with a blue waistcoat, and the other was wearing a blue suit with a green waistcoat!

another unique thing about the production is it was split into 3 acts, like the script does, but most productions just do 2 acts!

i really enjoyed watching this, both ros+guil were super funny and the audience was laughing the whole time, even near the end like when guildenstern's breaking down, which i honestly enjoyed-- even when it's horribly tragic, it's STILL kiiinda funny. also i liked guildenstern's accent

in my opinion the acting was great all around, i kinda enjoyed the hamlet scenes and how they were acted seriously, since i'm always conflicted on if r&gad should make the hamlet parts serious or not! also guildenstern and rosencrantz's serious and emotional bits hit me so harddd (as in both of their monologues about death i guess)

there was a lot more use of obvious lighting and sound design than i feel like is typical for r&gad? but i enjoyed it!! i'll talk a bit more about that laterrrr

they also had some singing from the tragedians, once in their first entrance, and once replacing the ship noises at the beginning of act 3, which was very fun

one big difference was after the final scene w horatio, they blackout and go back to the initial positions and do a single "heads!" which was GREAT, i don't think i've seen anything else make the time loop that explicit??

ok and now just some rambling about interpretations

so part of me before the play started was like "i've watched/read/listened to this play SO many times, i hope it's not just boring and same-y and i don't realize anything new."

AND THEN. near the end of the first scene where ros+guil come across the tragedians. i was like HOLY SHIT and realized an interpretation that i've never thought of before.

(this might be a Super obvious interpretation and i'm just slow but whatever.) it occured to me that the moment that the tragedians are about to put on a play for ros+guil and the scene suddenly shifts to hamlet, it could be interpreted that the rest of the play is just the tragedians putting on one of the classics for ros+guil, and them getting "caught up in the action".

of course this doesn't make sense with Everything in the play, but it's SO fascinating to me and it recontextualizes a lot of stuff, like making it so that ros+guil are just fucking around backstage and onstage trying to figure out their roles the whole time in this play that's suddenly started around them.

also there's a couple choices that i think support this interpretation, like tending to switch to a warm stage-y lighting whenever scenes from hamlet are going on, and switching back to a cool neutral whenever ros+guil are "offstage".

plus, i think this happened a couple times but notably when hamlet is doing his "to be or not to be" speech and rosencrantz is trying to figure out how to interrupt him, there's this super interesting lighting effect where they have a spotlight on the BACK of the stage where hamlet is, and these lights near the bottom of the stage that give the impression of stage lights, making it look like the stage is reversed and hamlet's on the side facing the audience while ros+guil are upstage. IDK if that makes sense but i was like HOLY SHIT when i realized.

PLUS, im fairly sure all the actors playing roles in hamlet are all also tragedians, AND between each act, they had the tragedians doing stuff like moving the set, sweeping, etc, on stage, which was very fun..

ANYYYWAYY those are my thoughts :D not gonna tag this bc im embarrassedddd but feel free to rb and feel free to ask questions

[rexregistries]

im quitting smut & everything nsfw!!

like straight up, cold-turkey, quitting. so far, we're 20 hours in.

heres why

this is gonna get REALLLL personal, buckle in.

i know not many ppl will see this, but its nice to just get it out.

tw: online sexual grooming and me being a minor thru it all

basically, im gonna talk abt how this all started (i should REALLY be doing homework right now, but i need to get it off my chest, and i only have 1 assignment left)

please bear with me! i only recently remembered all of this, and most of it is still terribly foggy, and hopefully shall stay that way.

when i was 8, i entered into a friendship with a 26-year-old man on roblox. we met thru our mutual like for percy jackson & the olympians, and i met him on a pjo role-playing game on roblox. mind you, roblox filter about 8 years ago was almost nonexistent.

the man, sam (found this out years into my "relationship" w him, to me he was cookie [cookieflame546]), asked my age when i first met him. i knew about stranger danger, obviously i did, i was born a girl. but i gave him my age anyway. so he knew.

this relationship lasted 5 years. 8 years old to 13 years old.

it started okay! we'd roleplay together, nothing too bad! the real trouble began when one of my ocs went into a romantic relationship with one of his ocs. he asked me if i knew anything about sex (the deed, the dirty, the devils tango, he called it something else that i dont remember) and i said no. obviously i didnt, i was 8.

he offered to teach me stuff, and i said ok. i trusted him for some reason. (NO GIRL STOPPP)

and boy. BOY, did he teach me stuff.

he bought a private server JUST to have sex w me. i'd go online, roleplay a little with my other online friends (who were my age, maybe 1 or 2 years older), and then once sam got on, i'd go to the private server. it happened maybe three times a week, i think? we'd roleplay w other people normally most of the time. i got discord at 10, because he asked me to.

when it started getting really, really, actually terrible (more than it already was) was when i got into the hamilton fandom in 2020. (also, since covid was happening, i was on everyday, so we interacted a lot more)

"kal, y is hamilton important?" well, when i got into hamilton, i got into wattpad. when i got into wattpad, i got into smut. when i got into smut, i got into actual fucking porn. at the ripe age of 12 years old.

i was so proud of my newfound knowledge. i wanted to show him all i knew. the sex got worse. he'd find ways to bypass the increasingly strong filter, and so would i.

the only thing im glad for is that he never sent nsfw pics, and neither did i.

it started tapering off once i got into 8th grade. i had more homework, i couldnt be on as much. we still had those little sessions, but they were more infrequent.

(BUT, in his place, came another friend. his name is alex. hes a year older than me, and we roleplayed almost exclusively sexually together. outside of roleplay, we would also message sexually on discord. some of got disturbing when i look back on it [he said he would find my address, climb into my window, and fuck me. bro i am 12 years old]

me and alex fell out of contact for a long time [something something i used to be really homophobic and our entire friendgroup, excluding him and i, was queer]. we say hi hello when hes online on discord, but we dont talk anymore)

slowly, me and sam went back into a regular friendship. we didn't talk for months, other than the occasional hi, hello, hru, im good. i stopped roleplaying, he didnt.

and then my brain decided "yooooo wait this was kinda bad.......im gonna make them forget it >:]"

and i did! i forgot about it. and then in freshmen year, at a winter camp for school, it all came rushing back. i cried about it to one of my closest friends (they moved, but we still talk. if ur seeing this joey [ur prob not], the second im 18 we r gonna see each other istg!!!!), and they told me to block him. i did.

i havent spoken to him since.

and then my brain did another little silly and said "im gonna make them forget it again!! >:]"

and guess what! i forgot about it again.

until i sat by myself, just having finished a brutal smut fic, crying, because, man, why the fuck was i like this? why cant i stop reading and watching and looking at this horrible shit? because it was ruining me! it really was! (it still is, but we're working on it)

andddddddd it came rushing back again.

finally, an answer! thats why im like this!

my most formative years were filled with sex! thats why im obsessed with it!

i know im partly to blame. i enabled myself by actively looking for nsfw. but im trying to fix that.

thank u for ur time :]

[i-amtransexual]

HELLO HI FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO.

It's finished I am done I am so tired and so so happy about this fic. Happy new year's @finalcontrolroom you were my gift recipient, i hope you like it! This is my gift fic as a part of the @mcytblrholidayexchange ! Tumblr version below :D

"Oh trust me," they snarled, finally standing up from where she had been sitting, xer cheeks slowly starting to return back to their normal temperature, "If I had wings I would be significantly more proficient in using them than you ever could be."

"If an incompetent as shit twat like you ever gets wings, I'll do whatever you want for a day." Tubbo said, glaring.

Ranboo scoffed. "Oh bee boy, don't go promising me something so tempting so easily," she snarked, leaning in real close and failing to notice Tubbo's shortening of breath. "I'd find far too many ways to ruin your life for good."

----------

Ranboo is so whipped for Tubbo, except she isn't, she really isn't, xe definitely hates him. Tubbo is head over heels in love but has to play along, because at least that way he gets to talk to her. Also, it’s new years and Ranboo has no idea what that is! Shenanigans shall ensue.

Author Note.

Heyyyyy sooooo *looks at that romance tag* gotta be honest not at all where I was heading with this. Was just gonna have o!Ranboo going on some silly little adventures with the theme of new years, do a bit of worldbuilding and maybe have a little bit of o!beeduo/r in the background, as a treat. However, as always, they have taken over my brain and o!Ranboo the glorious light of my life that she is, is now gonna be going on a  little trip down romance lane. Did I manage enemies to lovers? Probably not, never written it before! Hope it kinda applies though? This is getting very long, down to the point.

Hello my giftee here is the fic i have written for you. Mainly o!beeduo, i too adore o!sneeg but i could not do him justice as the main character so he had to have a smaller role i’m afraid. To make it clear, Ranboo is transfem, uses she/xer/they,  and i love xer.  Tommy uses she/him, Tubbo uses he/him, him and Tommy are both transmasc, because wahoo why not.

Hope you enjoy!

It was Sunday, and Ranboo was having a nice catnap in the sun, her tail lazily swinging back and forth as she leant against the entrance of xer cave. She heard the glow berry vines rustle above them as the wind breezed lightly into her home, and a berry fell into their claw. Surprised, xe examined it. It was a perfect specimen, skin firm, yet not tough, glowing a soft gold as all glowberries do, and with the scent of the sparkling alcoholic drink Phil was so fond of. She popped it into her mouth and let the flavour of sweet and sour wash over xer, as a popping feeling enveloped her tongue.  Their eyes were closed, and they let out a contented sigh as she savoured the smell and the taste of a glowberry perfectly in season. It is a truly wonderful moment in a lovely day, and nothing could possibly ruin it. 

Ranboo's lovely day was immediately put to a halt as she heard the frantic buzzing of wings quickly grow louder, and she opened her eyes just in time to see a panicked bee hybrid crash into her, xer crown toppling off and his goggles clattering to the ground. The both of them groaned from the collision, Ranboo attempting to raise a claw to rub her sore head, before finding to their annoyance it was tangled up in the arms of the incredibly beloathed Tubbo.

"You absolute imbecile!" she said to him angrily, arm stuck wiggling as Tubbo tried and failed to stand, before he fell onto xer again. "What good are those wings if you cannot even use them?!"

Tubbo frowned angrily back at her, his face a furious red as he tried to untangle himself from the glow berry vines he had crashed into, causing fruit to rain onto the two of them. 

"Don't fucking blame me, 'princess' " he said in a mocking tone, causing Ranboo's own face to heat angrily. "The wind changed and it being a bitch is hardly my fault. Not like you could use wings better than I could, dickhead."

Ranboo chose not to take offence to that last insult, instead preferring to fixate on Tubbo’s challenge, not that he meant to frame it as one. 

"Oh trust me," they snarled, finally standing up from where she had been sitting, xer cheeks slowly starting to return back to their normal temperature, "If I had wings I would be significantly more proficient in using them than you ever could be."

Tubbo, kneeling on the ground, still goggleless as Ranboo fixed her crown with a huff, ignored the redness of his cheeks and the pain his knees were in and simply shot back with,

"If an incompetent as shit twat like you ever gets wings, I'll do whatever you want for a day."

Ranboo scoffed. "Oh bee boy, don't go promising me something so tempting so easily," she snarked, leaning in real close and failing to notice Tubbo's shortening of breath. "I'd find far too many ways to ruin your life for good."

At a standstill, Ranboo finally noticed the now rather crushed flower garlands Tubbo had been carrying.

"What are those and why did you decide to come break them in my cave?" xe said, trying to keep her tone annoyed but accidentally letting a bit of curiosity seep through.

Tubbo looked down and cursed the strangest string of words Ranboo had ever heard, leaving her to decide it must have been a word in Apiarian, rather than Universal or Ender.

"Pissine n shettning n böllez," Tubbo muttered under his breath, gathering the broken garlands in his arms. As he used his left arm to fix his goggles back on his head, he searched with his other three to find a specific garland.

Hesitantly, almost shyly, Ranboo thought, he held out one of the garlands to xer, one that was mostly intact ,with alliums, white roses and pink tulips being held together by twine.

"Phil suggested I give you one, it wasn't my idea" Tubbo made sure to blurt out first, and Ranboo rolled her eyes as she reached and plucked it out of his arms. They spun it around, viewing it from every angle, yet for the life of her xe couldn't figure out what it was. 

"It's to celebrate for new years," Tubbo said, one hand rapidly fidgeting with his belt, the others straightening the garlands out. "Since you're new, Phil knew that you wouldn't know about our tradition in the valley, so he told me to make one for you."

Strangely touched, Ranboo tried to say thank you. However, it got over-thought about a billion times before it reached their mouth so instead the question of "What’s new years?" came out instead.

Tubbo stared at xer for a while, thoroughly puzzled before she snapped at him, embarrassed,

"Look, if you're too unknowledgeable to tell me I'll just go ask Tommy instead, since clearly she's smarter than you."

Whether Tubbo was offended by the insult of Tommy being smarter than him, or if it was the (unlikely) fact that he knew Tommy would tease her much more for it than he would, he answered her. 

"Well, we celebrate the end of this year, and the start of the new one. We all kinda have our own personal traditions around it, and Tommy at least is very serious about his week of worshipping prime, but it's mostly just about reminiscing and looking forward to things."

Before Ranboo could ask more about why the year was ending so quickly, or what Tommy's week of prime worship was about, Tubbo flew off and she was left with more questions unanswered.

Just out of listening distance, Tubbo collapsed to his knees out of breath, and cursed Wilbur to the top of the mountains and back for pushing him into the north wind and in the direction of one very pretty, and very scary, Ender princess. 

----------

"Tooommmyyyy" Ranboo called, her voice echoing off of the marble walls, as they carefully avoided the water rushing down from the ceiling. Xe was met with Wilbur, who silently and violently shushed her, before he turned back to his place in his seat and folded his wings out, keeping his eyes closed and hands held out in front of him. 

"What scam is this weirdo trying to trick me into today?" she thought, before his tail pulled her into the seat next to him. About to shout at him, Ranboo was stopped by Wilbur whispering "Just copy my posture and I'll explain once we get outside."

Very, very, hesitant, Ranboo followed suit nonetheless, and slowly xe became attuned to every noise in the building. The rushing of the waterfall was now less deafening, as each breath she and Wilbur took whispered through the room. The sound of feathers took them by surprise, and she quickly squinted one eye open to see Tommy emerging from the door at the side of the very front of the room. Feeling Wilbur's presence next to her, they shut xer eyes tightly and waited. 

Tommy, with much pomp and ceremony, looked around the room and was absolutely delighted to see a whole second person in her church to prime. Barely containing a squeal, he rushed back into the sideroom, and picking up two more of his grandchildren, she returned to her slow walk down the aisle to the only two people attending his ceremony. 

Ranboo was told she could "Open your eyes under the blessing of prime, hi Ranboo you lanky bitch hurry up hurry up hurry up look at this," and was greeted with a chicken wiggling in one claw, and a warm egg in the other.

Wilbur nudged her, with a chicken and an egg also struggling to balance themselves in his hands, and confused, she nodded at Tommy and said her thanks in time with a smirking Wilbur. Beaming, Tommy bent to kiss both the eggs, before grabbing the two chickens and stuffing both of them under each arm. She waddled up to the front of the room, and holding on to the prime symbol around her neck, he began his speech.

"Today, on the first day of the last week of a year graced by the presence of me, and blessed by many subscriptions with prime, every person is granted An Egg." Tommy's grin was stretched wide, and would have been contagious had Ranboo not been wondering why he had capitalized those last two words in speech.

"I thank you for your promise to subscribe with prime, as you all have, by volunteering yourself to care for this egg until it's last moments. Your newfound parenthood is a symbol of the birth of the new year that is to come, and I hope you are as excited to look after this child as you are for the new year. Gertude and her many grandchildren thank you for this service, and I thank you for your forever promise to care for my great grandchildren. I hope you all make me a very proud grandfather, little ones!" Tommy called, face filled with joyous rapture, before she turned heel and strode out the side door. Ranboo sat with the egg in her claw dumbfounded, before Wilbur rolled her eyes and pulled xer outside.

"That," Wilbur said to answer her as yet unasked question, "Was the first day of twitch prime week. It's Tommy's thing she does during our new years celebrations, and i'm normally the only one that goes along with it." Wilbur smiled at her, and Ranboo was struck by how genuine it seemed to be. 

"I think he was really pleased there was a second person actually there today, even if I did force you to be there." Ranboo nodded, looking closely at the egg in xer hand. 

"What is this for, exactly?" they said, gesturing to it. Wilbur laughed. "Weren't you listening?"

She bristled, ready to insult him into the next week, (or rather next year, at this point in time) but he saw the look in xer eyes and hurried along.

"It's from one of Tommy's chicken in the fucking army she seems to have bred them into. We're supposed to look after the chicken until the end of the first week of next year, then we give it back to Tommy so he can continue to have a ridiculous amount of chickens. It’s not at all a traditional prime thing, but seeing as Tommy is the only person who believes in prime that i know it’s not like i’m the expert"

Ranboo was absolutely terrified at suddenly having to care for a new life, but Wilbur was completely fine. "You don't really have to worry about it though, most of the eggs Tommy's chickens lay end up as the eggs for cooking. See?" Wilbur held his out into the sun, his hand still in the shade,  and Ranboo could see the faintest shine of yellow on the edge of the shell. "Yellow means it has a yolk, not a chicken, inside. Almost all the eggs are yellow."

Ranboo seemed torn between asking what colour her egg was, and waiting to see what Wilbur would do with his egg. She didn't have to wait long, as Jack Manifold was seen cresting over the hill and Wilbur took the chance to fade into the ground.

"Ayup Ranboo!" Jack called, and Ranboo raised a claw in greeting.

"Good noon, Jack," they said, deciding to stow the egg in her inventory for the moment. Jack nodded at her. 

"How's your new years coming along?" he asked good naturedly, planting his feet firmly in the ground, a well enough distance away that his blaze rods wouldn't accidentally catch xer hair on fire, again.

Once more, here was this unknown and terrifying "new years" that Ranboo did not at all understand. Tommy had prime, Tubbo had his weird flower things and yet neither of those explained to her what this one cohesive new years thing was at all. And, well, when xe didn't understand something, she had to fake it till she made it.

"My new year's is coming along perfectly, and far better than yours ever will," they sniffed haughtily, and internally breathed a sigh of relief when Jack seemed to take no outward offence.

"Perfect, ay? Already? You better look out for when it goes wrong, because perfect is a hard place to fall from," he said good naturedly.

"I'm gonna go drop by Niki's for a bit in the afternoon, but otherwise let me know if you need help recovering from your "perfect" new years," he laughed, giving them a wave and walking off.

Ranboo stayed just long enough to watch Wilbur pop out of a tree and crack his egg over Jack's head, where it began to sizzle and burn ferociously, before they teleported back to their cave to find a warm, safe place for their egg.

----------

"Ranboo!!! What's up!" A new day, a new morning had passed, and now at 12pm Ranboo was greeted with a very loud, and a very tipsy, Sneegsnag right in her ear. Wincing, she plucked him off her shoulder and unceremoniously dropped him to the floor, after she had properly ascended the ladder and crouched through the doorway.

"Good to see you Sneeg," she replied, sitting on the ground next to the tiny table that he had set up.

"Raaaaaaanboo!! Helo!" Fundy also greeted xer, a jug of mead in hand and his cheeks somehow redder than usual.

Ranboo, though still unsure why any being with a brain would choose to intoxicate themselves in such a way that their body and brain were poisoned, for fun,  was glad that they had chosen mead to drink, as it had the least unpleasant smell of all the alcohols she had thus far encountered.

"So since everyone here seems to be carried away with this “new years” thing" xe said, shaking a few leaves out of her hair and barely avoiding hitting her head on a lower hanging branch, "Will the two of you care to explain what tradition this is?"

"Well," Sneeg and Fundy began, before they both glanced at each other and burst into drunken laughter. As Sneeg’s fork accidently got flung against the room and planted itself into the trunk near her head, Ranboo wondered why she had bothered to come over.

"There was a realm i came from" Sneeg started, before snorting and having to start again. "Called RLcraft, and Fundyyyyyy, joined me once or twice."

"You were bigger then," Fundy shouted, for some reason, even though he was but a few feet away, "Old age has made him shrink already, itty little bug boy."

"Dude, shut the fuck up."

Ranboo sniffed, pretending to turn up her nose at the unsightly behavior of the two, but secretly they found it very entertaining, and were planning to take notes. For completely innocent purposes of course.

"Hey RANboo, did sneeg ever tell you, about the time we fought a… a what was, a tower guardian?" Fundy was thoroughly drunk, making his words slurry and blurred together but this question intrigued Ranboo.

"We were drunkasshit, then too," Sneeg remarked, the middle of his sentence an incoherent mess of sounds.

Ranboo decided to simply watch the two as they bantered back and forth, listening with great interest as they reminisced. Sneeg, for all she knew was a capable and devious little guy, apparently also had a lot of experience surviving in one the most dangerous servers known, or "realm" as he incorrectly labled it.

"Youknow," sneeg yawned, "I used to do this every year with my buddy Union, before i fucked off to here."

"The blue guy?" Fundy asked, barely awke.

"Bitch, I'm the blue guy. But yeahhhh," a large yawn, "it'sa pretty good newyeard tradition. Always fun tryig to fight a sea serpent when you’re not so-” a giant yawn,”sober."

"Raaahn… boo. what're you do for new year's?" Fundy's question shook Ranboo out of the quiet contentment she had been sitting in, and she pondered the query for a while.

"I guess the closest ender holiday that's equivalent to the "new years" celebration, is The Great Sleep," Ranboo said, eyes taking on a far away look. "A year in the end seemed to last about 7 or so of the years here, so I guess that's why I was so surprised when it was drawing so close so early."

Tubbo, who had been heading to Sneeg's to ask if he had any wax he could use, slowed down as he heard her voice and quietened his footsteps, before he paused just outside the entrance.

"It sounds kind of ominous, but it wasn't, really." She said, with intense longing in her voice. "After 7 years guarding us, well, the current dragon always got very tired, you know, and they deserved a break. So, a long time ago, we established The Great Sleep. The ruler would announce that The End was to go into a period of rest, and that they would begin the Change Over, and once they awoke, the year would begin once more."

"So, the dragon would go to sleep, in a special area where time was frozen for them, and the ruler, in my case my mother, would take their place for at least 7 days, but normally no longer than a month.  We would always hope against hope that, of course, no overworlders would try to come and challenge us during that time, but the void always seemed on our side during The Great Sleep."

"Since coming up here, I have heard tales, at least from Phil, of the luck for an end raid always being especially bad every 7 years or so, of ender eyes breaking at an alarming rate, the stronghold being deep underwater, or surrounded by lava, of having no eyes at all left in the portal, of the room being nigh impossible to find. During The Great Sleep, I could never stay at rest for longer than a day or two, so I would spend every night watching through the portal in the temple, my mother circling the portal to the overworld, looping through the towers and I watched in fascination. For there are no other endariens or endermen on that island during The Great Sleep, and she would always seem so very alone."

Ranboo sighed, and Tubbo wished that he could give her a hug, but fear of being found out held him back.

"Normally by day 6 or 7 or so, the rest of my family had joined me, and at least by the 10th day most of the rest of the empire would have woken. But we weren't allowed to leave our homes to see others, or to party or celebrate or worship even. We could do all that in our own homes, with family and friends that lived with us, but it was truly a period of, just resting."

Xe leant her head back against the tree trunk, deep in thought. 

"I suppose it has something to do with the fact that endermen and endariens don't sleep." And, far quieter than before, they admitted, "And, I suppose, I'm not really a proper one of either of them, so that's why I am so weak and have to sleep every few days, rather than months."

"But there's still a part of me that deeply misses it," she said, "We would have Chorus fruit juice on the first day of the ruler's return, and then there would be a party during however long the ruler's rest period was." Xe grew quiet, and Tubbo could hear her fiddling with her bracelets, the gold and iron clinking in the relative silence. "It's funny to think it's stuck with me for so long but," they gave out a little laugh, "I still know how to make the banners, and the recipe to make the chorus juice fizz. That was my favourite trick that mother taught me."

Xe was interrupted by a colossal snore from Sneeg, followed by a quieter "snork… mimimimimi…." from Fundy, who had curled up on his chair, hat having fallen to the ground. 

"So neither of you two were even listening. Wonderful." She got up, brushed a few leaves from xer dress and teleported outside, not irritated to bother with the ladder. They then immediately fell onto Tubbo, for the second time in two days.

“URGH!” she cried, incredibly irritated as she stood up and smoothed out her dress, ears hot from embarrassment, (nothing else) “What is with you always being in my way, you idiot!’

“H-hey!” Tubbo replied angrily, face flushed and fists balled up, “You're the one who teleported into me this time, so that’s not fair.”

“W-well,” they stuttered, cheeks growing as warm as their ears, “It’s not my fault you’re so easy to miss! You should just get taller.”

Instead of continuing to argue, Tubbo froze for a moment before he burst into laughter. “Y-you” he laughed so much his hand swerve holding his stomach, “you sound j-just like Tommy, ha!”

“Well,” xe sniffed, ‘perhaps Tommy is right for once. If you were taller, t-then it would be much more difficult o run into you.”

Suddenly, Tubbo was hovering in front of her face grinning, his wing s a blur this close to them. “Awww,” he cooed as her face finally started to turn a dark shade of purple, “You almost sound like you’d miss running into me.”

They both stayed there for a moment, Tubbo grinning triumphantly at her and Ranboo completely and utterly flustered, before they squeaked out a “shut up!” and pushed his face away with her claw.

Before Tubbo could reply. she teleported away, pulse racing, but only because he had now seen her in an unseemly situation twice, not because his face was so very close to xer’s, o-or because he smelt like the beginning of spring and new flowers, or because his laugh sounded like the bells that rung out with a sweet tune every hour. C-certainly not that at all.

---------

Very pleased with the outcome of their conversation, Tubbo made his way into Sneeg’s tree, to find both him and Fundy passed out. Shrugging, tubbo rumaged through the chests, found what he needed and left Sneeg a sign with 

“took some wax and strinf, thabk’s bossman!” 

before he flew up and off to the Pub(e).

He dumped the resources in the nearest chest before he quickly went on the hunt for Phil, an idea in his head and a nervous feeling in his heart.

‘Phil? You here?” he called, and received an

“In here, mate!” from Phil’s office in the Pub(e). 

Taking a deep breath, he whispered to himself “This isn’t for her, because I don't care about her, i-it’s just cause she seemed sad, and it’d be kind to do this. “ Knocking on the door, he opened it wide and strode in.

----------

It was the third day of prime week, and Ranboo had managed to avoid Tommy’s latest service with a warning from Wilbur on xer communicator.

Wilbur whispered to you: I know I said Tommy would appreciate you coming to all of his service but do not fucking come today. She’s planning to make us make hats out of all the feathers his chickens shed, and we have to wear them all. Fucking. Day. Or he’ll cry and then Phil will get involved so just don’t. Plus he wants a diamond for entry so save your money and go see Niki or smth.

You whispered to Wilbur: Noted.

You whispered to Wilbur: …. Thanks

Ranboo had finished doing her hair, and she decided agasint wearing any of her horn jewllrey for the day. Xe was going to see Niki, and if she had to take a water resistant potion every 8 minutes that she was there, she wasn’t going to bother with a lot of fancy clothes. Just about to teleport down the mountain, her eye caught on the garland Tubbo had given her, now lying on top of her chest. They didn’t know why, but they decided to take it with xer when she went to see Niki.

“Hello Ranboo!” Niki called cheerfully, her hand waving above the water. Ranboo raised and a claw in greeting back and replied 

“Good afternoon Niki. How has your day been?”

‘How nice of you to ask!” Niki said brightly, swimming a little closer to the dock. “I saw the sunrise this morning, and it was very lovely. Jack also stopped by to hand me the wreath Tubbo had made me.”

Ranboo was very thankful xe had brought her own “wreath” as Niki had called it, with her. 

‘I received one of those from Tubbo as well,” she said, sitting cross legged at the end of the wooden dock. “A-and, I was wondering if perhaps you knew why he gives these out?’

Before Niki could reply Ranboo added “He told me it was Phil’s idea, but i have a feeling that it’s not.”

Niki laughed at that. 

“What a weird thing to say. No, Tubbo has done that every year we’ve been here. It’s an Apian thing, something about flowers symbolising their love to carry you through to the next year. Apian culture is very romantic.”

“L-love?” Ranboo squeaked, thoroughly surprised, her ears flushing. “B-ut why would T-Tubbo give me-”

“Oh no no, don’t worry” Niki laughed, “Tubbo told us when he first gave them out that everyone gives them to eveyrone, romantic or family or friends. Besides, there’s only certain kinds of flowers that are romantic, you know? They all have different meanings. I’ll go get mine to show you.”

Niki dove underwater, a large splash making the dock rock slightly and spattered Ranboo with water. She gave a small yelp at the coldness of it, but was very glad she had had a water resistant potion before she had come down to see Niki.

There was a disruption in the water and Niki’s head popped back up above the surface, grinning widely with all her pointed teeth on display.

“Sorry,” she grinned cheekily as Ranboo glared at her, trying their best to intimidate Niki, for all that xe looked like a bedraggled cat. “I knew you had taken a potion, and I just couldn't resist the opportunity.”

“So did you find your wreath or was that just an excuse to get me soggy?” Ranboo snapped, very displeased.

Niki giggled. “It’s right here.”

She held up a wreath that shone with an enchantment, most certainly a water resistant charm, made up of orange and white tulips, also held together with twine, with glow berries dispersed throughout.  

“You know, it’s quite funny,” she said laying it down on the edge of the dock as Ranboo marvelled at craftmenship of the wreath. 

“Phil got me a book of flower meanings for my birthday last year becuase i had started to get into gardening,” she said, her tail lazily swishing from side to side and creating ripples. 

“And I remembered it this year when Tubbo gave me my wreath, but it was so strange. “

“What was?” Ranboo asked, starting to get a little impatient with how long Niki was taking to get to her point.

“Well, flowers are a huge part of Apian culture, and when I asked him once Tubbo told me that flower meanings were a very prominent too. So I’m sure he used that when making the wreaths, but I don’t really understand what he’s trying to say.”

“Well, what’s so confusing about your wreath?” Ranboo asked, “It certainly looks very nice.”

“Yes,” Niki nodded in agreement, as she pulled a small book out from seemingly thin air, “But the white tulips mean forgiveness and purity,” she said as she flipped ot a page, “And for one i don’t know whether he’s asking me to forgive him for something, or saying i’m very pure? One is confusing and the other just feels quite insulting.”

Ranboo agreed.

“As for the orange tulips, it says here that they mean “a sense of understanding between two people”, which makes me think the white are for forgiveness. But i have just no clue what I’m supposed to be forgiving him for!”

Her tail thwacked the surface of the lake with that and sprayed over Ranboo’s hair, leaving xer soggier than before. Ranboo’s sputters going unnoticed, Niki went on.

“And with glowberries meaning excitement, but not celebration, which would make sense for new years, i’m stumped on what he trying to tell me.”

Attempting to shake some of her hair dry, Ranboo asked, “I did come to ask if you might know what my wreath meant, but it seems i will end up with just as puzzling an outcome as you did.”

“Well,” Niki said brightly, “If it’s not insulting, hopefully it will end up being rather funny instead. Bring it out here.”

A little shyly, Ranboo retrieved her wreath from xer inventory, and held it gently in her claws.

“Oooh, that one’s really nice!” Niki said, reaching out for it, until Ranboo held it back, her cheeks flushing with heat. “It’s, ah, just a little broken is all. It fell a few times.”

Niki nodded, and had a good look from a distance away. '`I'm very surprised though, II’ve never seen him use any of those flowers in his wreaths before!’

Ranboo’s heart skipped a beat at that, but their brain turned to reason and xe scoffed. 

“He’s probably insulted me in a million different ways then,” She snapped, with a toss of her hair, attempting to show indifference. But Niki watched how tightly xe held on to the flowers, and with a knowing smile decided to keep her comments to herself.

“Pink tulips are a symbol of good luck, and white roses signify loyalty.”

The two sat in silence for a moment as they stewed it over. 

‘That’s not quite insulting or a complement” Niki said, re reading over the page.

“I suppose good luck could be an insult, but what is he saying I’m bad at?” Ranboo furrowed her brow, “ And as for loyalty, it sounds like a compliment, but even if I were to take it as an insult it just doesn’t make sense at all! I feel like he has to be insulting me, somehow.”

Niki interjected “Well,  if i can find the page with alliums, perhaps we can figure this out.”

Ranboo sat in tense silence as Niki flipped through the pages. Why did this matter so much to xer? It was only Tubbo, after all, a-and she hated him anyway, so why should it matter what he thought of her? Why should it matter that he had spent the time to create something that looked so beautiful and must have taken a lot of effort, especially for them? Why did the thought of him, carefully growing and picking flowers with her in mind bring such a flush to her face, the image of his eyes, bright and concentrated and blue as the sky on her favourite days of winter, make her ears go hot and her heart race?  I-if he hated xer as much as she really, really definitely hated him, then why would he-

“Ah, here it says alliums mean patience and humility.”

Ranboo bristled, gripping the wreath a lot more angrily than before. “That self absorbed, donkey brained, smart aleck little twit!” She shouted, jumping to her feet, casting the wreath to the dock.  

“How, how dare he tell me, that I need patience? That I need humility?” Xe was breathing heavily, feeling her ears heat with anger now, fists balled up tight. 

“What kind of a pathetic snivelling coward is he that he can’t even look me in the eyes and say it to my face! The utter arrogance he has, to think he is so above me that he, h-he’s probably laughing at me now,  th-thinking he’s won!” She paced back and forth, incensed. 

“Ohhhhh, I should have crushed that stupid wreath the moment he gave it to me, that prick. I’m going to put that complete asshole in his place, ahole in the ground like the peasant he is. FLACS LEN!,  he just makes me want to scream, that- that utter dickhead!”

“Ayup Niki! Hiya Ranboo!” Jack Manifold’s voice made it’s way to the two of them, and Ranboo, now having to try her best to calm down, turned to him trying to keep a “glower off of her face, shoving her wreath into her inventory and sitting down grumpily.

“Hi Jack!” Niki replied brightly. Jack made his way over to them and sat down a little ways away from them both.

“What’ve you two been up to this fine summer's day?” He said good naturedly.

“Oh, we were just discussing the wreaths Tubbo made us.” Niki said, holding hers up, the scent of the tulips carrying on the breeze.

Jack gave a low whistle as he saw Niki’s wreath. “Gee, that’s a much nicer one than what he gave me!” he said, admiring the blooms.

“Oh, was yours made with wither roses?” Niki joked.

Jack laughed. “Oh no, I mean he made it well! It’s just that it’s meaning was essentially “you have forgotten how to be humble. Get better.” I have a feeling Tommy was part of that. I was reading between the lines a bit but when I asked he told me as such to my face.”

Niki laughed whilst Ranboo fumed inside. If Tubbo could be bothered to insult Jack Manifold and tell him upfront, why couldn’t he show the same base level of respect to xer? 

“But really Niki, he’s given yours such a nice meaning, I didn’t think he had it in him. “ Jack remarked.

As Niki and Ranboo looked very confused at this statement, Jack continued hurriedly, “ The orange tulips mean good fortune, right? And the white ones mean wisdom, and the glow berries are for cheerfulness. Stop looking at me like that!” He laughed.

“What, are you confused that he gave you a compliment? I mean, I am a bit surprised too-”

‘Oh no no, Jack,” Niki said, shaking her head, passing her book along to Jack. “I’m just really confused as to how you got those meanings! See, i got this book of flower meanings from Phil last year and mine says something quite different.”

“Oh that’s cause your’s isn’t the Apian flower meaning!” Jack said, turning it over carefully. “I got curious about what my wreath meant last year, so i looked up a book in the library about it.”

“How do you still remember all the meanings though?” Ranboo asked, tail swishing in fascination.

“Well, the book was really interesting and had some other stuff about Apian culture and a few other societies from the Northernmost Area, and well, since everyone here is so different, it'd be helpful to know stuff wouldn’t it? I though i should at least memorise the flower stuff as that would be easy and might come in handy, as it has. ” Jack said,handing Niki her book back.

“And since James is still building the library, I thought I’d just keep the book until he noticed it was gone. And he’s a thoroughly shit librarian cause I’ve had it far past it’s return date. I can lend it to you if you want.”

“Awesome!” Niki said, grinning. “Do you think you could tell us what Ranboo’s wreath means?” she continued, angling her head in Ranboo’s direction.

Ranboo snorted. “It’s probably something thoroughly insulting, no doubt,” xe snipped, still very irritated with the whole affair, but she handed her wreath over to Jack anyway.

They turned away, almost scared of what the wreath would mean. After almost a minute of excruciating silence and hushed whispers, they had to look back at the other two, who were both trying very hard to hold back a laugh.

“What!” she snapped, and Niki started giggling. Feeling xer ears heat, she began to think of the worst insults they could use before Jack interrupted.

“No,  really Ranboo, honest, he’s given you a very nice meaning. We were just, um, not quite expecting it.”

“W-well, what is it?” She said, growing impatient.

“Seems Tubbo has given you a love letter with flowers” Niki giggled, and Ranboo’s heart stopped.

“... What?” she said faintly, ears flushing furiously.

“Well,” Jack said, trying not to grin. “He’s given you white roses to mean “new love”,”

Ranboo’s face was ferociously hot, as she tried to not let either of them read her face and failed miserably.

“Alliums mean adoration, gosh he’s such a sap isn’t he?” Jack continued, sending Niki into a fit of giggles.

Ranboo wrapped their tail around her arm as she tried to not let it wave in excitement, and her face felt like it was on fire.

“And finally, pink tulips mean true love and promises.” Jack was fully grinning now, and Niki was beside herself.

Ranboo was blushing a deep purple, and all thoughts of “putting him in his place” had flown far, far away from her mind.

They sat in silence, attempting to come to terms with this new information she had been given.

“W-well,” she stuttered, “th-thats, certainly s-something i suppose..” Xe couldn't even look at the other two because she knew what their expressions would be.

“So, you gonna ask him about it?” Niki teased and Ranboo decided xe had had enough. 

“Well! Th-thank you both very much for helping me, i-i’ve got to be going now. Bye!” 

With that, she stuffed her wreath into their inventory and used what remaining energy they had left to teleport all the way back home.

Jack and Niki took one look at each other before they both burst into a fit of laughter.

“Remember the time Tommy told you to give me a bouquet of roses for Valentines?” Niki giggled. Jack’s face screwed up, before he started laughing.

“Oh yes, because apparently I have the romantic charm of a dead bug, and that I really needed help, as he so kindly put it” Jack said.

Niki burst into peals of laughter. “Oh Jack, “ she sung, “You’re a lovely guy but I'd rather go for a nice long swim in lava than date you.”

Jack held a hand to his heart. “Oh Niki, “ he simpered, “ You flatter me so. I must say, if I ever had to date you I would rather help Charlie clean all the slime out of his tank.”

They both shuddered at that.

“Let’s hope Tommy never forces us to go on a date then,” Niki said.

“That, would probably be best,” Jack agreed.

----------

It was now the last day of the year, the imminent “New years” only a few hours away, and Ranboo had not left their cave since the incident with Jack and Niki at the dock 4 days prior.  A slightly worried Philza had come past, and asked if xe was feeling unwell, but she threw an empty book at him and shouted at him to go away. He had gotten the message.

Ranboo had spent 4 days in her cave, ignoring Wilbur’s messages about Tommy’s week of prime, thankfully not having to dodge any messages or visits from Sneeg or Fundy as the two had decided to go spend a few days back at Sneeg’s old “realm” after getting thoroughly drunk and reminiscing, and Jack and Niki, seeing as they knew what they knew, had thought it best to leave xer alone for a while.

And now it was 8pm on the last day of the year, and Ranboo really couldn't avoid it any longer. “It” being the problem of Tubbo, whom she had found that maybe, awfully, hopefully, she didn’t entirely hate. Oh who was she kidding, he had confessed that he was in love with her and apparently xe had only just realised she felt the same. Now, she held the power in this situation, and yet she was far more afraid. Xe had to go to the celebration tonight, more out of fear of what Tommy and Wilbur would do to her tomorrow if she didn’t, by=ut she desperately didn’t want to face Tubbo.

“Maybe” they thought to themself as they anxiously put the finishing touches on her outfit, “ I can just show up, exchange whatever gifts I need to and leave before he notices me.”

During their 4 days of alone time, they had written up a formidable list of “new years” gifts they had to get, and had decided to get everyone the same thing, with variations for each person’s own style.

As she looked in the mirror, xe froze and her cheeks flushed. When had they decided to wear that dress? Definitely not because Tubbo had complimented it once. She pushed that thought to the back of xer mind and checked their invitation again.

'`PARTY AT THE PUB(E)!’ it said, scrawled in Tommy’s handwriting. “BE THERE OR BE A BITCH!” Underneath, in a much neater font, Wilbur had written. “The celebrations will go on for god knows how long, but please try to arrive from 7 - 8:30 so everyone can exchange gifts, and those who need to sleep can join in on time for their sleep schedules.”

Checking the clock, which read 8:25 now, Ranboo took a deep breath to still xer racing heart, and teleported to the top of the Pub(e). However, instead of being greeted with noise and music and partying and laughter, as she had expected, there was silence.

As xe cautiosuly open her eyes, she was then greeted with a giant shout of “HAPPY END OF THE YEAR!” and was then barrelled over by a very excited Tommy.

‘RANBOO MY FAVOURITE STUCK UP DICKHEAD! Look at the decorations we did, I helped the most, do you really like that juice stuff that much? I tried some and it sucked balls-” 

Tommy was rambling very excitedly, her feathers all puffed up and her eyes bright with what Ranboo guessed was sugar.

“Yes yes Tommy, good to see you too-” She began, not having listened to his previous rambling, when she stood up and was shocked by what she saw.  

Garlands of various shades and patterns in purple were strung across the beams that were built into the roof of the Pub(e), and small lanterns with Ender symbols on them were hanging about the room. There was a large bowl of punch that had the soft, sour scent of chorus fruit, and the fruit itself garnished cupcakes that sat on the table. At the very centre of the roof, there hung a paper ender dragon, with glitter on it’s wings and two small amethyst shards for it’s eyes. In the centre of the room, the tree of prime had an enderman sitting atop it, and it was adorned with all things purple. 

“Sooo…,” Phil said, his eyes wrinkling in that way they did when he was trying not to smile because he was very pleased with himself.

“A little bee told me about some celebrations you have in The End, and although I know it’s not quite the right time for you, I thought you might appreciate something more familiar this year, seeing as it’s your first time celebrating  new years with us.”

Everyone else had already started the celebrations, conversations being loud and rambunctious, with a few people drifting over to the food table, and a couple more adding their presents under the prime tree.

“What do you think?” Phil said, smiling at her.

In a strangled voice she replied “I-it’s… nice.”

Phil grinned delightedly. “Do you really think so? We put in so much effort, but I can’t take all the credit. It was Tubbo’s idea after all.”

“...Pardon?” Ranboo croaked, her heart racing at the mention of his name. “What did T-Tubbo do?”

“Oh he told me he heard you talking about this and that about The End and he got a few ideas.. But why don’t you talk to him yourself! Tubbo, mate!” Phil waved Tubbo over, who looked a little nervous but nowhere near close to how Ranboo felt. Xe cursed Phil a million times over in her head, casting as many threats of eternal suffering on him as possible as they glared at his retreating back.

“Uhm, so, hi?” Tubbo said, and Ranboo snapped back to look at him, before she promptly flushed and looked away.

In the continuing silence, Tubbo attempted to fill the awkwardness.

“I hope you don’t mind that I uh, kinda overheard you talking to Sneeg the other day,” Tubbo stumbled over his words. “I really hope you don’t think I’m weird, I just  thought, well, i-it’s your first new years with us, and we’ve done heaps of celebrations from everyone else’s homes, s-so I thought it would be fair?”

Ranboo had yet to reply to him, but xe hadn’t started shouting at him either, so he took it as a good sign.

“But yeah! Tommy and Wilbur especially got really excited when Phil asked them to help out. Techno made the dragon! A-and Phil and Tommy and I made the banners. Beau offered to help make food, and Wilbur made the chorus fruit punch, so if it’s really bad that’s why sorry. I uh, didn’t know much about End customs and the book I got, wasn’t that helpful, but I hope it’s alright? And that I haven’t accidentally offended you?-’ Tubbo’s anxious rambling was cut off as he heard a sizzling sound, and he turned in alarm to see that Ranboo was crying.

“Shi! Fuck, Ranboo I’m so sorry, fuck fuck fuck where are the bandages,” Tubbo grabbed her by the claw and dragged them into the kitchen, and he started rummaging around in the drawers. 

“Here!’ he said as he flung a tea towel at their head, and grabbed the first aid box. “Uh, just hold that to your face, and try to st-stop crying? Sorry.” Seeing as they had grabbed a bit of attention from the other people at the party, Niki and Phil in particular looking on worriedly, Tubbo suggested, “H-how about we head outside?”

Ranboo nodded, and thankful to finally have a response from xer, he once again grabbed their hands and pulled them outside, to sit on a bench overlooking the crater, the music from inside muffled.

Tubbo took his time applying the burn cream to their face and carefully placing the healing enchantments on her skin.

“There, that should be all good,” he said, relieved, and then he noticed how close he was to her face. Ranboo looked him in the eyes, and flushing, they both turned away from each other awkwardly.

Neither of them said a word for a while, listening to the chatter and laughter from inside, the awkward silence slowly being filled in by the music drifting outside on the breeze.

“Thank you,” Ranboo whispered. Surprised Tubbo turned to see them looking right at him, ears a dark purple and clawss fidgeting.

‘God she’s really pretty,” he thought, his own face a bright red.

“It was n-nothing, don’t worry-” he began before they interrupted him.

“It wasn’t nothing,” xe said, her claw finding his hand, and Tubbo’s heart skipped a beat as he zeroed in on every single moment of this conversation. “Obviously, thank you for the bandages,” she said, laughing a little, and oh how his heart fluttered when xe laughed. Her voice was like starlight. And he knew he was down bad when he preferred to hear xer cursing him than to hear nothing at all.

“I, I wanted to say thank you, f-for all this, though” they said quietly.

“It wasn’t anything really-” Tubbo said, laughing awkwardly.

“Shut up.” Ranboo said quietly. “It, it was something, to me. I, just,” And now she was crying again, and fucking hell did it hurt. 

“Here!” Tubbo said, grabbing a towel soaked in healing potion. 

He held it under her eyes as xe tried their best to compose xerself.

“Thank you, Tubbo” she said, as he blushed, still holding her face. 

“I guess I hadn’t quite realised, j-just how much I missed home. And, and the fact th-that you’d put so much effort into th-” a hiccup, “ i-into this, for me, I don’t know what to say, except… thank you.”

The two stared at each other, the music now picking up full swing inside, and they heard a shout and a crash, probably Tommy.

“I found out what the flowers meant,” Ranboo whispered, taking the bandage from xer face and smiling at him.

Tubbo’s heart dropped. ‘Y-you did?” he squeaked, palms sweating,  fingers tightly clutching his shirt, his lower hands now desperately trying not to fidget.

“Yes.” Ranboo smiled and Tubbo hoped, that maybe, maybe maybe maybe, it meant something good.

“It was a very nice wreath. I really liked it.” she remarked.

“I really like you,” Tubbo thought as she leaned in a little closer. “Please, please, don’t let this be her making fun of me. I don’t want to cry in front of xer today.”

“W-well, I did spend a lot of time on it,” Tubbo admitted. Quietly, he added, “And I made sure your’s was the prettiest.”

“I think you’re the prettiest,” Ranboo said, both of xer claws now holding his, and his heart stopped. Ranboo’s face was dark purple, and Tubbo was sure that his was redder than Tommy’s plumage.

“Can I kiss you?” he blurted out.

“Yes” Ranboo whispered, xer clawcradling his cheek.

They both leaned, Tubbo’s hand holding her claw, their eyes slowly closing-

“TUBBO IT’S GIFTING TIME, COME ON HURRY UP” Tommy screeched from inside, and two broke apart.

“U-uh, yeah, we’re coming Tommy!” Tubbo shouted back.

They sat for a moment, until the absolute awful horrible awkwardness of th situation was too much to bear.

Avoiding Ranboo’s gaze Tubbo jerked his thumb in the direction of the doorway as he stood up.  ‘W-well, you heard her, we should probably go-”

Ranboo walked over to him, bent down and kissed him on the cheek, his sentence stopping as his brain short circuited. 

“Come on Tubbo, you wouldn’t want to keep Tommy waiting,” xe grinned at him, before sweeping past him and walking inside.

Tubbo, completely flustered, took a moment to bury his face in his hands, before composing himself and going to join Ranboo in the Pub(e).

----------

“Ranboo! Tubso!” Tommy crowed in delight, running up to the two of them, her wings puffed up in excitement. “You guys were out there for ages, it’s gift giving time! C’mon c’mon!” He then grabbed both of their hands and dragged them towards the prime tree, where they were both roughly shoved to a sitting position on the ground whilst Tommy sat in between them and demanded as much attention as possible.

Phil surveyed the room from the rafters, watching people take their sweet time getting to the gifting circle and decided the hour was near. 

“Techno, ring the bell!” He called, and Techno promptly did as he was ordered,  a clanging ringing out across the room.

“Crowfather is askin’ for attention, an’ I wanna go to sleep, so everyone hurry up!” Techno called, his ears twitching, and anyone who had yet to be seated hurried to the circle. Techno took his place in between Niki and Wilbur, and all was hushed.

Philza swooped down from the rafters to laughter and applause, along with Tommy squeezing both Tubbo and Ranboo’s claws until they went numb.

“Hey mates,” Phil said, having donned a fancier hat for the occasion of New Years, and his homemade “Crow Father” tie made by Tommy when she was young. He held a bright purple shulker box, which he placed on the ground.

“Now, as you all know this is our little tradition, where I give out gifts that are better than all of yours and i do it in a fancier way,” that got  a few laughs, “and this year I just wanted to acknowledge that the celebration we decided to theme this new years after was The Great Sleep, which as one of the major End holidays, I’m sure Ranboo can tell you all about.”

Ranboo, a little embarrassed at now having so many eyes on them, stilled her face and tried to look bored, but Tubbo saw xer tail waving surreptitiously.

“And now with that acknowledged, we go on to my portion of the gift giving!” Phil said with a smile, and he started to hand out a bundle of presents.

Tommy received a specially knitted scarf for his eggs, with warming and protection enchantments sewn in, and he chirped with joy, wigs flapping up and down and banging into Tubbo and Ranboo, feathers going everywhere. Tubbo was handed a new toolset, with a few extra hard to find pieces to build that one specific contraption he’d been rambling to Tommy about for weeks, and the look on his face when he saw it was enough to make Ranboo’s heart explode. 

And finally, Ranboo received a book. The outside was a beautifully dyed leather like material, the colour swirling shades of silver and purple. It had a metal clasp, and the pages were made of the finest, most wonderful paper Ranboo had ever seen. Inside was a quill, the feather one of Tommy’s most beautiful, a bright red with flecks of gold and white edges.

“Even though Will has apologised for the incident with the other book earlier this year,” Phil said, “I thought it was a shame you had to get rid of such a nice book, and I thought you might appreciate a nice replacement.”

Ranboo couldn’t cry again, not after the amount of enchantments that had already been used to heal xer face.

“It is a very suitable replacement” xe said, barely containing their smile. “I would think it of high enough calibre to be better than the old one.”

Phil grinned, and she knew he had understood.

The gifting went on, Ranboo giving each person her gift and receiving a lot in turn. Xe had made everyone a piece of jewellery, some people a bracelet, others a necklace if it suited them, and more specialised pieces for her closer friends. For Wilbur, she had made a hanging charm to attach to his sunhat, and then she had to deal with his blubbering as she patted him on the back and avoided getting burnt. 

For Tommy, there was a specific anklet, that was very, very resistant, and waterproof, and fireproof, and wouldn’t get worn by time as quickly as anything else Tommy wore normally would. For xer efforts she was gifted a faceful of feathers and screeching, but at least they knew that to be signs of their friend’s excitement.

Jack had received some earring studs, which he immediately wore with pride, and began boasting to Niki about how handsome they made him. Niki ignored him in favour of profusely thanking Ranboo for her nose piercing  that had the tiniest, shiniest amethyst shard glimmering in it. Techno received a silver crown with amethysts, to add to his ever growing collection, to which he responded with a tight hug and a “This is nice. Thanks.”

Ranboo had yet to give Tubbo his present, but she had no time to worry on that when she was receiving a hat for her egg from Tommy, a collection of glass bottles with fancy detailing and gems as cork stoppers from Wilbur, a truly glorious collection of (dry) pieces of gold and interesting antiquities Niki had found in an abandoned ship,  soft, knitted socks from Techno, a small lute from Freddy, a basket made of reeds and full of (possibly either burnt or undercooked) muffins from Beau, and a wink and a nudge from Jack as he handed her “The Complete and Utter guide to Apia: all about the customs, language and culture of the Apian Society.”

“You should read chapter 14 first,” He said, grinning. “I think you’ll find it the most interesting.”

(And, if later that night, Ranboo did turn to “Chapter 14: How to win (and be won over) by a member of the most romantic culture in the world” and read that first, well who was to know?)

----------

Somehow, Ranboo and Tubbo found themselves outside again, all alone, yet to have given each other a present.

“Well,” thought Tubbo, “It’s now or never, or tomorrow when it might be really awkward and  I have ruined things, so best to get it over and done with.”

“Here,” he said, giving her a velvet box. “I, uh hope it’s up to standard.”

Curiously, Ranboo inspected the box. A smooth black velvet on the outside, no clasp and no signs at all of a maker’s signature. Shrugging to themself, xe opened it. Inside was a necklace, made of silver and as thin and fine as cobwebs.  It  looped endlessly, looking like a layer of lace, with small ovals of obsidian in between, polished beyond perfection to make it shine and glimmer in the low light. At it’s centre, there was an oval circled in silver, inside an emerald and a ruby, cut into perfect shape, and both matching the exact shading of her eyes.

“I know you already have a lot of jewellery, but i haven’t seen you wear much silver stuff so...” Tubbo trailed off, his boot scuffing on the ground. 

“I love it,” Ranboo breathed, xer eyes as wide as moonstones. They traced their fingers over each individual loop of silver, each piece of obsidian, the pendant in the centre, the whole thing shimmering with the faintest light of enchantment.

“This is, this isi gorgeous,” she said, absolutely enthralled. “Where did you get it? I have to talk to whoever made this, it-it’s perfect!” xe said, turning to him and leaning in close. Tubbo gulped, leaning back a little as his wings started to flutter. 

“Ah,” he said shyly, hiding behind his fringe. “Uh, I made it.”

“Oh.” Ranboo said, and they blushed, internally cursing herself for xer earnestness.

“W-well, Tubbo, it’s, really lovely.” Xe smiled, and Tubbo couldn’t help himself from grinning, his wings fluttering as he began to float. 

“I’m so glad you like it,” he whispered.

Ranboo smiled, xer pulse racing. He really was so beautiful.

“Oh, uh, your present, I should probably” Ranboo muttered as xe remembered, carefully tucking the box into her inventory, “Uh, where is it,” xe searched through her pockets until they found it.

“This is for you,” Ranboo said, pulling out a bouquet of blooming pink tulips. They were in a wonderfully crafted vase, made of all shades of stained glass, and tied around it was a matching pink bow.

As Tubbo accepted it, his face unreadable, Ranboo nervously added “I put an anti-aging charm on them, s-so they shouldn’t die for quite a while hopefully.”

Tubbo placed the vase on the bench, and hovering a little higher, he held Ranboo’s face in both his hands, his lower pair grabbing her claws. 

Gently, he placed a kiss on her forehead. “I think you figured it out, but in case you couldn’t tell, I really like you,” he whispered, and Ranboo flushed, laughing at the surprise. 

Xe pressed a light kiss to his lips, and he went from pink to red. ‘In case you couldn’t tell,” she teased as he stuttered, “I really like you as well.”

Light exploded in the distance, and they both watched as the fireworks started, a cascade of gold and silver light pouring down the sky.

“How do those work?” Ranboo wondered aloud, as red and purple light flashed up above.

“OH!” Tubbo said excited, “You, see, it’s actually quite interesting, Phil told me about it-” He stopped as xe stared at them

“Wh-why are you looking at me like that?” he laughed.

Ranboo grinned and shook her head. “I love when you get all excited about explaining things.” She said, and xe leaned forwards to kiss him again.

“Thank you for making new years so fun.” Ranboo laughed. 

Tubbo grinned. “I look forward to celebrating it again with you next year.”

The sky was filled with colour, and Ranboo decided that, even if she still didn’t fully get what new years was, xe was so glad she was celebrating it with the people they loved.

End Note.

oogity boogity my computer has been broken since before the last gift exchange bejeezus. Anywho, wrote the last 7k words of this on a keyboard atachted to someone else's computer, so glad i don't have to write on my phone anymore. First fic i've written that has reached over 10k words, wahoo!

if there are any typos don't be rude about it thanking you. I am tired, i hope you enjoy! goodbye