#they intentionally twist my words and also bring up past arguments against me

[yesimwriting]

playing vices

“A/n a blurb bc ive been working on my novel and ive missed writing for Kirigan :))

--

I am a fool that has played into her vices enough to make them addictions. That must have been Kirigan's plan. He knows that I don't agree with his methods. He is also much too aware of the fact that I am beyond attached to him. He plays into that fact often, lulling me to him whenever he feels that my conscious is in danger of driving a wedge between us.

Which is why I have become accustomed to falling asleep while running my fingers along his skin as he whispers things much sweeter than anything he would say while fully awake.

But now it's late and he's not here. I sit up, kicking the comforter off of me slightly. It seems Aleksander has been more and more absent these days. When he's not with me, the odds that he's doing something that hurts people are high. His absence is also starting to make me feel like he's losing interest in me. It would make sense considering the fact that he looked twice at me in any capacity has never seemed logical.

Maybe that's why we've never indicated commitment to each other. I don't know what commitment would be with him. He seems to grand to be considered a 'boyfriend', but there's something more than friendly about how he holds onto me. I've never cared for labels until I started feeling displaced.

"You're still awake."

I press my lips together, trying to seem a little calmer. "Couldn't sleep."

"Troubling thoughts?" The question is more weighted than it should be. Everything with him is. 

“Has anyone ever called you dramatic?” 

His lips quirk upwards, hinting at a smile. Warmth pools in my stomach, the way it always does when he lets me see the slight glimmer of light that’s still in him. Sometimes I think he only shows me this softness when he feels that I may pull away. It may be rooted in manipulative intent, but I know that it’s real. 

“Only you would have the gall,” he says, voice low yet not dark. 

Kirigan’s easiness coaxes a smile from my lips. A small one, but I can feel the way the crack in my tension feeds his confidence. He takes pride in slipping past the walls I only try to create when cautious or irritated. Today I’m both but I need to pretend like I’m neither. The more resistance he senses, the more forward and effective his advances become. 

I keep my expression neutral. I’m sure Alina could get away with calling him that. I wish she was more unlikable. It would be easier to hide my irritation if I could blame that displaced feeling in my chest on two people. But of course Alina is wonderful, beautiful, and his equal.

Whatever. It’s not like we’re really anything. Every time I see him I wait for his betrayal. There’s nothing worth using me for, and somehow that makes me feel worse. He should have never looked at me twice let alone encourage whatever strange relationship we’ve created. 

My silence seems to displease him because he approaches my bedside easily in quick yet patient strides. Now that he’s close enough to touch I feel some of the ice I managed to solidify melt. 

Kirigan lifts a hand and places it on my knee easily. I stiffen instinctually, he runs his thumb over my skin to fight my resistance. “Who’s upset you?” 

I breathe, forcing myself to ease. “No one has.” I don’t have to meet his gaze to know he doesn’t believe me. That’s the core source of our attachment, we can read each other with less than a look. “I’m just getting a headache,” not a full lie, “I’ll feel better after some sleep.” He squeezes my knee slightly, a soft way of asking me for more. “I don’t think I’ll be good company tonight.” 

His hand leaves my knee, fingertips barely grazing my thigh as he moves his hand to hold beneath my chin. I still as he turns my head so that I have no choice but to meet his gaze. “You don’t need to be good company when what I want is your presence.” 

I press my lips together to avoid melting into the promising pools of warmth that make up his irises. He spent all day with Alina, took Zoya’s side in an argument I had with her earlier this week, and now he comes to me late at night. He seems to only want to acknowledge me when we’re alone, and it’s not like I want more than that. I just don’t know how long my heart will be able to teeter the line between nothing and something. I’m a fool for having let it go on this long. 

The only problem is that his steady stare is chasing away all of my rationality. “I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone more in the mood to offer their presence.” 

My curtness leaves something behind his expression dull, the hint of a smile that was growing on him has now vanished. I am met with a stoic disposition I have never had directed at me. 

“They’re not you,” he counters, voice edged by something I don’t understand. 

That’s the point. They’re not me--I’m average. I can’t offer power and my relationship experience is basic at best. I don’t want to have this argument, not when I’m basically fighting for him to let me go when that’s not what I want. 

I’m making it easier. If it hurts this much when I was only on the cusp of something, imagine the pain I’l feel if I let it continue. I turn my head away so that he’s no longer holding my chin. “Not a bad thing.” 

“To me it is.” He doesn’t hesitate, my chest swells. His thumb brushes against my cheek, soft and comforting. “I’m tired,” he says this like it’s a confession. His admission hangs in the air for a long moment, as heavy and weighted as my heart. “If you’re angry, wait until morning.” 

Something in my heart cracks. “I’m not angry.” My gaze drops, my thoughts struggling to come together. “I’ll be nicer to deal with in the morning.” 

“Y/n,” his tone twists from distant to warning, “the last time you asked me to leave was when you discovered something you didn’t like.” 

I almost wince at the way he’s worded it. When I found out what his real plans were, I told myself I had to leave. He skirted past all of my reservations and walls, twisting my doubt away through coddling whispers and shy brushes of fingers.

“This isn’t like that.” Not a lie. 

He exhales slowly, the sound dangerously sharp. “Then what is it?” 

“Why did you come here so late?” The question leaves me too sharply. I’m exposing too much but I can’t help it. “If you don’t want to answer, that’s fine.” My voice is flat. “I’m sure Alina will be happy to fill me in.” I can’t bring myself to take in his reaction. “And if she can’t, I’m sure Zoya will be able to.” 

He’s silent for a long second. “Unwarranted jealousy doesn’t suit you.” 

His confidence sparks something angry within me.  “I am not jealous.” The most blatant lie of the night, but I don’t care. I turn my head to glare at him, “and don’t just tact on ‘unwarranted’ before something that’s true just because it’s easier for it not to be.” 

I watch his expression cautiously until the slightest tilt of his lips adds to my anger. He’s enjoying this or he did this intentionally or both. “Darling,” he hums, voice soft, “you are the only person that makes me feel peace.” 

My stomach flutters, the sensation threatening to break my weak resolve. “I am not particularly powerful,” I breathe, voice stiff, “or particularly...” How do I explain this all to him? “Anything.” He’s everything, and I am nothing but average. “I’m average at best, there’s no reason for you to want anything to do with me, and that’s fine--but don’t lie and pretend that that’s not true.” 

The sentence is barely out fo my mouth before I feel myself pulled towards him by the collar of my nightgown. His lips are on mine before I can question where this is going. I kiss him back too quickly, but any effort I expend is returned fervently.

He pushes me back slightly as quickly as he yanked me forward. He doesn’t explain. I don’t ask him to. I should demand an answer and shove him away from me or pull him back towards me. But I do nothing. I just stare at him as he stares at me. 

When the weight of the silence threatens to break something in me, I force myself to speak, “Kirigan--”

“Aleksander.” The name is soft and so fragile I worry it will shatter in the air before it can fully reach me. “You know there’s much I’m not ready to say, but that,” he exhales, the sound so sad I want to reach for him, “that is the one name I have not given to myself and I want you to have it.” Something conflicted crosses his features. “I would never give that to someone average.” 

Emotion swells in my chest, heavy yet not painful. “Aleksander.” I’m not sure if I’m trying to call to him or if I’m just trying to feel his name--his true name--on my lips. 

His eyes widen, something unbearable behind them. He moves the hand holding the collar of my nightgown to my cheek. I lean into the contact like a fool as his eyes flutter shut. “Say it again.” 

I don’t hesitate, “Aleksander.” I lift my hand, fingers hesitant to find their place on his cheek. “Aleksander.”

He sighs into both the contact and the name. “You’re the first thing I’ve allowed myself to want,” his eyes open, but I cannot bring myself to meet his gaze, “I should make you feel like it.”

Something about the way he says that is sad. “I think that if it’s fair to say you were a little distant, it’s just as fair to say that I was a little jealous.” 

Aleksander smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I’m tired,” he admits, “I’ll enjoy my victory in the morning.” 

I roll my eyes, but scoot over to give him a place by my side regardless. “I’m not sure you won, I think it was more of a draw.” 

He takes the space I offer quickly, never letting the contact between us disappear as he settles himself against my pillow. I let him pull me towards him. “This feels like a victory.” 

I try to ignore the warmth in my chest. “You’re lucky I’m tired enough to find that endearing.” 

I relax as his fingers trace shapes I’ll never know about onto my back. “I agree.” 

[mrswhozeewhatsis]

To stop the accusation that I’m dragging this out to please the drama llamas, I’ve studied everything I got (and spent a fair amount of time searching for things on blogs), and managed to whittle things down to their bare essentials. I’ve also tried to talk to everyone about everything, which took time. I won’t address everything that everyone has said on both sides, just a few points that are either concrete, or I can’t address them privately for whatever reason.

The timeline as I’ve been able to piece it together is like this:

Vanessa made a post about more popular writers complaining about lack of feedback. 

Beka messaged Vanessa wanting to know why Vanessa had a problem with her.

Vanessa responded in a way that upset Beka.

Beka blocked Vanessa.

Vanessa got around the block and sent anonymous asks to Beka.

Beka outed Vanessa by responding to the asks publicly.

Vanessa deactivated her blog.

Friends of both proceeded to attack each other.

Claims about Beka (this is not a complete list):

Only supports her friends on her blogs and in Pond Angel Fish Awards

Although it’s been a couple of months since Beka has reblogged fics from other writers at all, by going back through her #read with me tag, I see reblogs of fics from at least a dozen different writers just in May and June. I’ve only been tracking Angel Fish Awards since February, but since then, Beka has nominated 8 stories by 8 different writers.

Ignored asks for Big Fish advice sent to her blog

If there were a way for me to prove this, then I wouldn’t be listing it here. As it is, it’s impossible to prove. As a Pond admin, I’ve experienced the weirdest stuff with asks. I spent one evening chatting with a member while they repeatedly tried to send in asks, and we didn’t get a single one. I do know that asks sent via the app seem to be more likely to be eaten than asks sent via desktop, but asks sent both ways have disappeared. 

There are other claims, this is not a complete list, but I will be addressing them with Beka personally (I have already started doing this, actually). I’m only including these two because they can be proved or disproved with facts. Some of the other claims have been leveled against Big Fish in the Pond other than Beka, as well. The Pond will deal with those privately, but we hope you will see an improvement in these areas when the Pond returns from hiatus.

Claims about Vanessa:

I’ve talked to Vanessa about these, without anything constructive coming from it. I tried. I tried to explain to her that she could have gotten further by using less provocative language and offering constructive suggestions. We ended up having the same old arguments about unrelated issues and going around in circles. The only thing Vanessa ceded was that she should not have continued to reach out to Beka after Beka blocked her. She has apologized for this. I don’t need to list the rest here, just know the conversation happened and nothing came of it.

Claims about Beka’s opposition:

Made unsubstantiated claims about Beka sending herself anon hate

I’ll be the first to tell you that I don’t have a single clue how to figure out who has sent an anonymous ask on Tumblr. However, what I do know is that it requires access to the inbox the ask was sent to. In order for someone who is not Beka to say that Beka sent herself an anonymous ask, they would have had to have hacked into her account, somehow. I don’t know much about this, but it sounds illegal. Since there was proof of this offered, it’s a useless claim.

Picked apart posts on her personal blog and said they were intended for her writing audience when they were not

Beka’s personal blog was, she thought, relatively private. It was not meant for her readers to see. (There is an argument to be made about how it’s still a public blog that the world can see, but the charge is that she intended for her readers to see it and respond, and that is not the case.) Yet, someone took it upon themselves to stalk it, and then match posts between the two blogs, making it look like it all came from one blog. They then took their argument to the absurd and claimed she was using her mental health issues to drum up patrons on her Patreon. If that were the case, then it all would have been on her writing blog. But it wasn’t.

Belittled Beka’s cries for help, and then attacked her further

I don’t care if you didn’t believe her when she said she was on the edge, you just don’t do that, folks. That right there is the point where you either walk away or report her to Tumblr as a threat to herself. The last thing you do is double down on your attacks. Take a break, walk away, find a kinder, gentler way to make your point. I don’t care who they are or what they believe or have done, when someone puts the gun to their head, you do not tell them they are an awful human being.

Dissected every post, word by word, including auto tags, using intentionally provocative language

Not every post made was like this, but a lot were. This is high school stuff, guys. To rip apart words used by someone obviously in pain instead of reaching through and looking for the meaning behind it is petty and cruel. Not to mention it takes so much more energy to dig into things like that than to just respond to the meat of things. To take someone’s blog name and twist it into a degrading moniker is sickening. To attack words used in an effort to distract from the topic at hand, or to just add on to the already heaping pile of anger you’re throwing around is unconscionable and pointless. This is not what people who are coming from a place of love or kindness do. This is what you do when you hate someone, and that’s just not cool, guys.

Brought up old issues thought to have been settled a long time ago

My husband calls this “stamp collecting.” There’s a statute of limitations on things, and it depends on the thing, but my personal limit on Tumblr is about two weeks. If nothing has been said about something for two weeks, I assume it’s in the past and I try to move on. I say this because, if it weren’t settled, then we’d all still be working on it, right? If something is bothering me, and I work on it with someone, but I’m not happy, then I’m gonna keep working on it with that person. If they seem to forget (which happens because we’re all human), then I’m gonna send them a quick message. “Hey there! I’m still working on this thing. Can we talk about it again?” I do this with contractors who work on my house. I did this with clients when I worked in an office. To bring up something that happened a long time ago like it’s still an active issue is pointless, and goes against one of the main tenets of effective arguing.

Taking obvious glee in tearing down another person

Do I really have to talk about this? If you had any care for the other person, even enough to just care that they are a person, you would not gloat about how you’re going to tear them apart.

Really, all of this stuff comes down to if you are approaching the world and everything you do from a place of love or from a place of anger and pain. Even if you are angry and in pain, treat other people like you love and respect them, and you will find that everything is just better. 

If you feel like I’m coming down on one side or the other of this situation, just know that I’m not. Pretty much, I don’t like things that were done by both sides. These are just the things I feel more comfortable talking about in a public post like this.

Other stuff that’s come up in the course of all of this:

Complaining about notes/followers

So many writers, lately, are frustrated. Tumblr sucks balls on a good day when it comes to notifications and the whole algorithm mess, and that’s still being generous. In an effort to keep the porn blogs at bay, they’ve stifled all creators. Add to that how tags seem to never work when you’re searching for something, and disseminating your work is nearly impossible.

I could tell you all the different ways you can change your focus on the readers you do have, give you lists of things you can do to expand your audience, and offer advice about not comparing yourself to other writers. But you’ve already heard all of that. So, I’m just gonna say it.

If you complain publicly about a lack of notes or followers, you’re gonna look like a dick.

That doesn’t mean you are a dick. You’re just gonna look like one. You’re going to look like you’re ungrateful for the readers that you do have, which is going to turn off those readers, and you’ll end up with even fewer notes and followers. If you manage to disparage other writers while you’re complaining, you’re gonna look like an even bigger dick. So, just don’t do it, unless you don’t mind looking like a dick. 

Need to vent about it? Find a close friend and send it to them in a private message. Have a funny thought about it that you want to share? This is exactly what private messages are for. Create a group DM in discord. Heck, I think even Tumblr has a group chat option, now. Just, don’t put it on your blog, unless you want to lose followers. 

The number of admins at the Pond

Some folks seem to think that the Pond needs to add more admins in order to react more quickly when something goes down. Honestly, I have talked to Mana and Kale about stepping down as admin because I believe the opposite is true. We have a policy that we all must agree on the big things. However, we are separated by 8 time zones. There is a rare hour every few days (sometimes it’s weeks) when all three of us are awake and not occupied with caring for family members. We have a private group chat thing where we each toss ideas and questions and such into the pot when we’re doing things. When the others get to it, they add their two cents. Usually, there are two of us active at a time, and then we wait for the third to stop by for approval. Often, the third has a question or argument that then needs to be addressed, but the first or second one isn’t available. More admins would only be a good thing if we were all in the same time zone. But we’re not. We are an international group, which I believe is a good thing, but the downside is that it slows us down. Sometimes, being slow is a good thing, too. Generally, at least one of is calm and level-headed at any given time. It shifts on who that one is, but they keep us from doing anything rash.

The whole problem is that no one feels like they can tell you when there’s a problem

I’ve heard this so many times, now, but I haven’t responded to it publicly, so here goes. 

Most of you don’t know what I’m like in person, but I’m built like a linebacker. I’m tall, I’m heavy, and I have wide shoulders. I have literally scared small children. Take Jared Padalecki, add another Jared Padalecki on the side, and then take away all the pretty, and you come close to what I’m like when you see me walking down the street. 

I don’t want to be a scary person that anyone is afraid to approach. My goal in life is to be kind and fair. I will give you second and third chances, because I know how awful it feels to be written off. 

My ask box is always open. My chat windows are always open. My email address is mrswhozeewhatsis@gmail.com. I’m the same on discord and skype. I don’t care if you think your thing is stupid, if it’s something that’s bothering you, and I can help, then I want to help. I can’t always help, but I always want the opportunity to try.

If I have ever done anything that made you feel like I didn’t care, then I give you permission to tell me. I’ll hate hearing it, but I need to hear it. 

If I have forgotten to follow up on something for you, PLEASE REMIND ME. Holy, cow, I have a TERRIBLE memory. It’s really bad. I have tricks and stuff that I do to try to make sure I don’t lose track of things, but it still happens. Please, come back to me and remind me that I promised you something. I guarantee that I will not be mad or upset. I will be glad, because you’re helping me to be the person I want to be.

I think that’s about it. The Pond is still on hiatus, indefinitely. We have a lot of things we’re talking about for if/when we come back, and some of them are really exciting to me. I hope we come back. I hope we can make the Pond what we always meant it to be. We’ll need help, and constant feedback from our fishy family, but I still have hope.

[haiky-u-lously]

Birthday Gift

Happy birthday @bbparker sorry I am a bit late. Hopefully it is okay. And, I hope even more that you enjoy this little thing. I’ve been wanting to get back into writing cause I feel like I have been failing that part of myself lately, so if there is anything you don’t like about this please let me know and I can try again with someone/something new. But anyways! Happy belated birthday! Questions/comments/likes/ideas always welcome!

–Admin red

You woke up feeling no better but no worse than you ever did, despite it being your birthday it felt like every other day of the year.

But this day was different, and this year was different. Because for this birthday, you were finally old enough for fate to give you the present you most desired.

Unmistakable proof that you were destined with someone.

A clear mark, currently hiding somewhere on your body, of where your soulmate will intentionally touch you for the first time. Once you remembered this little tidbit, you found yourself springing from your bed and sprinting towards the bathroom to find your new mark.

Finding it left you confused. How in the world could your soulmate intend for their first contact with you to be a ripe ole spanking…you found yourself wondering. As you looked over your entire body again, double checking what you had already seen.

You were still wondering what could the mark possibly mean for you and your relationship with your soulmate when you heard the ringing of your doorbell.

You through some clothes on and went to answer it quickly.

“Happy Birthday (Y/N)!” Was screamed at you before the door was full opened, and you welcomed in your friend through laughter at the sudden tone they used. “Now, I know you said you didn’t want a party or anything because…well everything new that’s been happening, but I sort of spilled the news to Tony, and now he is absolutely furious you didn’t let him plan a big blow out so he is making you a…and please know I am quoting him on this…a unescapable old fashioned high school bash. Where he will invite only those he trusts and anyone you want to add to the list. Also,” She added giving you a smirk and a nice once over, “Did you already find your soulmate mark?”

Rolling your eyes, you finally moved to close the door behind your pair, ushering Pepper further into your new apartment. “Look Pepper,” You started, leading her towards the table so you could talk through everything explicitly. “I said I didn’t want a party because I had to leave everyone I knew and loved behind when these stupid new powers started to manifest. And, I only agreed to hang out with you because at least when I have someone around, I don’t feel like I am losing myself.”

She let her lips forma tight line as she listened to you seriously, at your final statement she quirked a smile and shook her head out, bangs running over her forehead as she looked back at you and declared, “I understand, and I told Tony that, well the first half anyway. But you know how he gets. I’m really sorry (Y/N). If it is any consolation, you let him do this without any complaints, just play along for his sake even though we all know it’s your birthday and should be all about what you want and how you want to celebrate, I will help you enact revenge on Tony for his next birthday.”

An inspired idea came to mind almost immediately, and your smirked at her, questioning, “Serious?”

Her smile in return was all the answer you needed and you stuck your hand out to shake on the agreement.

“Now!” She happily moved on, with a clap of her hands before slamming them down on her thighs and leaning closer to you, “Tell me, (Y/N). Where’s your new soul mark?”

You rolled your eyes and left the table, moving into the kitchen to get some form of breakfast started, “If I tell you, you will either a.) laugh your ass off, or b.) be exactly like me and wonder what the hell is wrong with my soulmate.”

“Oh, now I have to know.” She countered, following you into the kitchen.

Pointing to your ass, your face contorted into an annoyed expression, explaining exactly what the mark looked to be.

True to your expectations, Pepper laughed. Hard. Almost lost her balance as she leaned forward over her arms as they crossed her stomach in an attempt to hold some of the expression inside. By the time she had calmed down you were digging into your bowl of cereal. “Wait wait wait,” she commented as she finally straightened up. “So, you mean to tell me, that the first time…hahaha your soulmate…hahahaha your soulmate intentionally touches you…hahhahaha he is spanking your ass?!” Saying it herself sent her into another fit of laughter.  You just rolled your eyes and continued eating your cereal.

“Told you,” You threw out at her as you finished your breakfast and put the bowl into the sink. “Anyway, when is this whole shit with Tony happening?”

“Oh right!” She said, sobering up faster than should have been possible with how hysterical her laughing fit had seemed to you. “Tony said since he was asking you to go against your wishes for the day, he would pay for everything we wanted to do until we arrived at 8 tonight. I already called ahead to the spa. Got us 2-hour full body massages booked, manis and pedis whether you want color or not is up to you (Y/N), but if you think you are going another day with those caveman-like nails you are sorely mistaken. Figured haircut and style wouldn’t hurt either. Dinner at your favorite place and then we’ll head over there. Sound good?”

The surprised expression on your features was only a small indicator of how amazed you were by your friend’s spiel. Words coming to you after you realized she asked a question, you answered, “Yea, sure. Wow you really thought this out huh?”

“Well, I know you’ve been stressed lately.” She kind of threw over her shoulder as she pushed around you to wash your bowel and spoon, telling you to go get dressed and to bring clothes to change into for the party. Screaming at you after you had started to walk back to your room, “Remember! It is a high school bash themed party. So, just dress in something that both looks nice but is also either practical or comfy.”

Hearing her, you understand what she meant, but you made no move to respond. Just went about getting ready for the day and packing for the inevitable sleepover at the Stark Tower.

______________________________________________________

It was just past eight as Pepper and you were walking out of the elevator at Stark Tower. A screaming match hitting both pairs of ears, you gave each other a worried look.

“You cannot just decide what someone is doing for their birthday for them Tony! Do you know how rude and condescending that is?!”

The statements hit you clearly, and you found yourself smiling at the consideration of the speaker. On your side, Pepper shook her head before saying, “Gracious, those two can’t go a day with arguing about something, can they?” You questioned her with your eyebrows and she answered with a smile on her face, “Tony and Steve. I feel like they are always arguing. Guess that shows just how close they really are though, anyway. Let’s introduce you to everyone, yea?”

Next thing you knew you were in the expansive room holding the so-called birthday party. There were what looked to be thirteen people and two other creatures. Once Tony Stark saw you though, his halted his argument with who you presumed to be Steve and engulfed you into a hug.

“(Y/N)! So glad you could make it!” He all but shouted.

You scoffed in response, before adding, “Not like you really gave me much of a choice, huh Stark? Good thing I like Pepper here and she’s got your back.”

He pulled away from you just to replace the person between his arms with the woman in question. Exclaiming about how Pepper was the best thing to happen in his life and he is more than willing to recognize it.

After a show of fake disgust at his being too cutesy, he finally made to introduce you to everyone that had gather around.

“Now, (Y/N), knowing how new you are to everything and the fact that you probably only know Pepper and I…Being the gracious and honorable host that I am, I will introduce you to everyone.” While Tony spoke, you locked eyes with Pepper and rolled them towards his comments. She just laughed and motioned for you to pay attention as the billionaire continued, “So visiting from far off in space we of course have Point Break, and—”

The long haired blonde corrected Tony quickly, “He means Thor. Odinson. Of Asgard.”

“Sure, whatever you say Rapunzel.” Tony chided, getting attention back to himself. “Also, from far off lands there is Groot, he is a tree. Rocket,” After saying this name Tony leaned in closer to your face to whisper in your ear, “He is the raccoon but he hates being called a raccoon even though he doesn’t even know what a raccoon is apparently.” Clapping his hands and standing straight up, he speech continued at a normal level. “Then there is green Gamora, and her psycho blue sister Nebula. Drax is the brick with no shirt, and boy does that one NOT understand sarcasm, so be careful your Highness—”

Drax took a step forward and interrupted Tony, causing you to laugh that the man had been interrupted twice in a matter of moments in his own place. “I understand everything Stark, do not lie to a member of your Planet’s royalty. It is highly disrespectful.”

You lost it at his statement but then decided to play along with it, since it would allow you to tease Tony some, “Exactly Tony. You shouldn’t be rude to those that run the planet.” You heard others laughing and sent a closed eyed smile to the group.

Tony grumbled under his breath a bit before deciding to move on. “Anyway!” He started again, “The last member of team space is Quill. And Quill before you get your panties in a twist. We can’t have two Peters at this party and you know the kid takes priority.” The man Tony had indicated just rolled his eyes before shrugging for Tony to move on. Obviously not wanting to interrupt him so that the introduction phase of the evening could get over quicker. This made Tony smile and he excitedly continued his spiel, “That being said, the kid here is Peter, he is from New York. Next to him is Legolas, and before Natasha gets her panties in a twist, his real name is Clint, I just call him Legolas because he uses a bow and arrow like the elf. Natasha is the short but deadly red head that is looking at me like she wants to stick her gun in my mouth and see what color the wall behind me gets painted! Pepper!!!”

Pepper laughed as she held her hands up between the scared male and approaching female, “Come on Natasha you can get him back in training tomorrow, lets just get this over with, all right?”

Natasha smiled innocently at Pepper and nodded before saying, “You really are lucky you have a girl like that to protect you Tony. Maybe if you didn’t act so stupid, she could actually relax for a night.” Everyone laughed at this, except Tony who stuck his tongue out like a four-year-old would.

“Moving on, that’s Steven, he’s a doctor, but he is also an asshole. Every good high school party needs the school asshole though, doesn’t it?” No one remarked and thankfully Tony moved on of his own accord. “Then there is the guy who killed my parents when he was brainwashed by a secret organization, and the man my father thought the world of, they just happen to be best friends so I am trying my best to keep things civil you know.” This made both the blond and brunette males contort their facial features, but before either could say anything Tony added, “Well at least that’s how I would have introduced them before. Now, this dude is Bucky. He wants to be a science geek but he has a lot to learn before he is anywhere near even Peter’s skill level. But interest is what counts my friend. Interest is where it all starts. The blondie is the good ole solider, Steve Rodgers. But you will probably only hear us call him Cap. Because well its easier. So you know.” Pepper elbowed him in the gut and Tony sent a short glare her way before bowing out of the silent argument. “Steve is basically my brother with how much we know about each other and how Pepper says we act towards one another. However! I like to think of Banner as my brother.” As he said this Tony ran from Pepper and leaned over a guy with glasses. But before he could continue whatever he was saying, you interrupted.

“Oh!” You exclaimed, before as calmly as possible saying, “You are Bruce Banner! One of the world’s most renowned scientists! You are great! I learned all about you and your work back in school! It’s such an honor to make your acquaintance sir!”

The scientist blushed at your gushing, and said his thanks for your kind words.

After that the party ‘got started’. Which basically meant everyone got into smaller groups and were having side conversations. It was actually really nice and you were really happy that it had not turned out like one of Tony’s more…elaborate parties that he had tricked you into attending.

That is, until Tony decided the easy portion of the night was over. As soon as he had sent Peter home for the evening, he had declared we could either play a card game he made up or truth or dare. Knowing Tony and his whims everyone voted for truth or dare.

You were sat in a circle one all the furniture had been moved, finding yourself sitting between Bucky and Pepper. Your friend was busy yelling at Tony and you decided to strike up a conversation with Bucky while you waited for the couple to hash out all the details of the game.

“So, Bucky…that is a very interesting nickname. How’d you come up with it?” You asked, knowing there was no way a person would actual name their son that.

This caused him to crack a small smile and he explained, very quietly, how Steve had given the nickname to him back when they were kids after learning his full name. He asked you how you knew Pepper and Tony and the conversation took off from there. Soon your pair were play fighting over what color was the best in the world.

Only halting once Tony took attention back to himself to explain his and Pepper’s decisions. “So basically, we are all adults here. If you are actually against something obviously don’t do it. Your dare will just be turned to two truths. Cool? Great, lets get started. (Y/N), since its your birthday, I will be kind enough to let you go first. Now, who do you choose??” The giddiness in his voice told you, he more than expected you to choose him.

With a wide grin to him you slowly looked around the room, “Well now who should I pick…let’s see…” You let your eyes linger on Tony before suddenly facing and pointing to Bucky sitting next to you. “Bucky! Truth or dare?” After saying your intended’s name, you glanced at Tony to watch his face fall with the failure that became of his expectations.

Bucky thought for a moment before stating he chose dare.

You smiled at him, and decided to start off easy, “I dare you to…suck on your thumb like an infant for 10 seconds.”

The man rolled his eyes but stuck his thumb in his mouth, you laughed at the ridiculousness that stood before you and very slowly counted to ten as all his friends took photos to tease him with later.

As soon as the countdown ended, Bucky cleaned his thumb off on your t-shirt, telling you, “That’s what you get for making me do that! Now, let’s see. Natasha. Truth or dare?”

It was actually a good idea. The game that was. Everyone was having fun, and it was hilarious how hard everyone was going out of their way to not name Tony for a turn. You’d heard some deep dark secrets, some lies that were told as if they were deep dark secrets, some random facts, saw some crazy ass shit, saw these grown adults act like 15-year olds in their teasing, and saw some exceptional super hero bods as dares were made for strip tease shows. But of course, with all good things, there is a limit to how much fun could be had from one game.

The game had been going on for a while with everyone having had multiple turns and Tony having none, he was sulking around yet another glass of liquor, when Bruce finally caved to the man. “Okay okay okay, Tony. Truth or dare?”

Tony perked up immediately, and yelled dare.

Bruce smiled sweetly before stating, “I dare you to let everyone in the room punch you without putting your suit on.”

Everyone in the group immediately agreed and Tony smiled proudly as he stood up and took a superhero pose. As if he was saying ‘try it’ to us. Everyone took their chance, a couple individuals making him flinch in just their swing, and a couple of those causing an immediate bruise which made those that were left to move to hit a different spot. Yourself and Pepper going last. Catching each other’s eyes, you smiled and she nodded. You both swung at the same time and hit him in his freshly made bruises on either arm.

Tony was grumbling about how mean we were but he gave Pepper a kiss about how proud he was of her strength. It was quite touching and you laughed at how cute the couple was as you went to sit down again.

“Alright!” Tony exclaimed, rubbing his hands together as it was finally, finally his turn. “Cap, truth or dare?”

Steve stood up, “I am honestly more afraid of whatever truth you would ask of me, so let’s go with dare.” The captain’s comment made you nod as you realized you would be too if you were on the receiving end of this question from the billionaire.

“Very well,” Tony smiled mischievously, “I dare you to give the birthday girl her spankings for the day.”

Everyone in the group went up in arms over his comment, Steve just stood there with an astonished look on his face. Pepper walked over and punched him a few times again on his bruises to say how stupid she thought his dare was.

You just rolled your eyes, “Seriously, Tony? Why?”

He just gave you a grin for stepping in, “Well, I am not going to give you your birthday spankings and how else do you expect to get that extra inch of growth.”

“Oh my god, you actually want him to pinch my ass too?” You exclaimed, laughing as you did so.

Tony’s face just fueled your laughter further. “Come on, (Y/N). It’s your birthday after all, and you have to remember this being a thing.”

You waved off the slight concern in his voice, the approaching thoughts he was having about this actually pissing you off rather than being the funny joke he thought of it as. “Fine fine fine. Steve, if you want to go through with it, my ass is yours to spank.”

The others ooed and awed at your sudden bluntness, causing you to laugh as you leaned over a chair that had been pushed off to the side.

“I am so sorry on behalf on Tony. But I was serious when I said I am more afraid of answering any of his truths.” The blond informed you as he came up behind your leaning form.

You weren’t sure how many times he was going to spank you, if it was one for each year like expected, or if he was just going to do a couple to get Tony off his back, but the first slap made you see colors as something in you twisted and turned and you realized that Steve, the captain, the man currently spanking you in front of a group of people, was indeed your soulmate.

His hand retreated and before he could do anything else, or spank you again, you turned and placed your hands against his hips. Using them as a station to pick yourself up enough to kiss him directly on the lips. You could tell when his connection had ended ad he kissed you back.

You heard the whooping and hollering behind you but paid it no mind, until you felt like you’d exhausted all your breath.

Pulling away you looked into crystal blue eyes, and saw the smile playing on the lips below them. “Hello soulmate. Glad you aren’t some creep who goes around spanking people.”

He laughed, “I’m glad you didn’t have to live to long with that being the only thing connecting you to me, my dear soulmate. And hey, I’m just glad you weren’t actually trying to tear my pants off!”

You pulled further away and giggled out a, “what?!”

Steve showed you his marks by lifting his shirt a bit and pulling down the rim of one side of his jeans. You saw just the mark of your fingers that ended at his pant line. “Let’s just say Buck and I thought it always looked like my soulmate went to rip my pants off.”

Laughing too much, it took you a hot minute to notice everyone was clapping at your new-found partners.

“Guess now is as good as a time as any. Who’s ready for cake?” Tony called out, making everyone agree with the sentiment.

A few moments later, the room was back in functional order and there was a cake with lit candles in front of you. All your new acquaintances, your friends, and your soulmate singing happy birthday around you. They finished and you blew the candles out.

Pepper took the cake to go cut slices for everyone, and the group split into smaller ones again, making small talk as they waited for the cake to be ready.

Steve sat in the spot next to you and gave you a shy smile as he placed his arm across your shoulders, “So…um what’d you wish for?”

You cupped his face with one hand and turned it to face you, looking him dead in the eye as you whispered, “You.” And kissed him for the second time that night.

As he kissed you back, and you felt the heat and passion in his return, you realized that from now one you may not be the one initiating the kisses. And… you were pretty sure that you would be just fine with that.

[sol1056]

repetition creates weight

The EPs seem pretty adamant they had no idea of the Keith-Lotor parallels until after the seasons aired and someone else pointed it out. That’s huge sign of their inexperience as storytellers -- that, and the places where they do use repetition intentionally.

Repetition is a writer’s neon sign. What gets screen (or page) time is relevant; ergo, something that gets repeated screen or page time must be not only relevant but important. The more a story reminds the audience of some detail, the more the audience is going to think, “aha! that’s the eighth time the story’s mentioned the character’s blue eyes. It must be a clue. It must mean something.”

There are different ways to repeat. You can use the same phrase, stage a visual with the same composition, or highlight an object or theme or motif via constant reference (ie S1/S2 hand-on-something motif). You can create parallels so strong they become almost mirrors. There’s also using repetition in planting clues, adding the Important Message in the middle of seemingly irrelevant details, each list different but for that one element. 

And then, of course, there’s the kind of repetition noted in this ask: 

So I heard a theory that suggested season 8 may mirror seasons 3-6 since season 7 mirrored seasons 1-2. What are your thoughts on that?

Behind the cut. 

At the end of S2,  each character answers the question of ‘what do we do after this,’ which becomes four repetitions of the same theme. Obviously they’re not going home yet ‘cause we’ve got four more seasons to go.  

On some intuitive level, a lot of viewers perked up: aha, there must a reason for Keith to respond in that particular way. After all, Keith could’ve said, “I could train with the Blades,” see more of the universe, etc. (And remember, what comes last is what gets the emphasis; if Pidge had answered last, we probably would’ve assumed she’d find Matt or Sam in early S3.)

When S3 begins and we meet Lotor, Keith is immediately on that. His focus on Lotor, to the exclusion of all else was probably meant to be single-mindedness. Overdone, it became another neon sign. There must be something here, some other reason Keith is so obsessed.

There’s a repetition, too, in the wording: “I could look for my family” to “I have to find/catch this guy.” Unintentionally or not, that look-for/find/catch established another link. Even once Shiro/Kuron arrives, Keith doesn’t lose that focus, and it becomes the source of a few arguments between Keith and Shiro.

We’re now at the level of about sixteen neons signs, each one the size of a billboard. That much pushes everything to the level of implying something intensely personal. It practically screams, pay attention.  

Add in a few repetitions of the quintessence motif -- Lotor’s search for it, Keith’s sensitivity to it (and apparent shapeshifting abilities related to it) -- and the parallels were all right there. Had we started S5 with Keith discovering he’s Lotor’s long-lost brother, we might’ve considered that twist obvious in hindsight. (The only detail required for a snap reveal would be explaining the presence of the knife and/or a Blade being on Earth.)

What the EPs seem to like to do (and this makes sense, as storyboarders) is visually echoing previous compositions. Most often, echoing a previous composition is done not as strict repetition but as a motif. It’s only repetition in the loosest sense, because each use must modify or expand the tone of the original resonance.

Frex, the Black Paladins music. Say the first time had been a minor key with eerie strings, evoking the tragedy of the fight. The second use -- where now, instead of wanting Shiro to lose, we want him to win -- it’s same melody but with trumpets instead, faster-paced, a major key. Still recognizable, but its entire mood has changed. that’s a motif’s layering: the melody has become tied to high-stakes, high-emotion one-on-one fights. But it contains elements of tragic and heroic, layering them so that one reflects the other.

Without that variation, it’s not a motif, it’s a signature. And signatures, like a pose or a phrase or a fighting move, gain their strength from repetition.

At the end of S2, Allura stands against Haggar’s blast.

At the end of S7, Atlas stands in exactly the same way.

It’s not just the exact same defensive position. It’s also a similar situation; defending Voltron from a powerful opponent mostly on instinct, untrained and mostly untried. That visual repetition is why some people see Atlas as meant for Allura, not Shiro. The only variation is in scale.

I’ve lost track of all the places in S7 where the storyboarders re-used imagery or composition from an earlier scene. It can be a powerful maneuver, but like a motif, it must change, in one degree. And more importantly: the new scene must have an emotional resonance in its own right. 

What you cannot do is duplicate a previous scene with the purpose of tapping its weight, as if this will get around the lack of emotional resonance in a later use. All that does is frustrate viewers (or readers). It’s too obviously an attempt to shortcut providing genuine meaning, by manipulating a pre-existing connotation. It’s a cheap repetition. 

That brings me around to the repetition in the overall story, where the EPs are hitting the notes in S1/S2 throughout S7. Which... I guess for some people, that’s a cool trick they don’t see very often. Thing is, there’s a reason you don’t see it very often: because it generally doesn’t work unless you have a really deft touch, enough that most people will miss it. 

The more the season hit the same notes as S1/S2, the more bored I got. It’s a failure of imagination; we’ve gone beyond repetition a literary or filmic device and into something like mimicry. When the pinnacle of your story amounts to a redux of your own story, it’s verging on self-parody. I’ve seen S1/S2, after all. I came to watch S7 for a new stage in the story, not a bunch of visuals practically traced right over those earlier two seasons. 

It may be cynical, but by that point, I couldn’t help feeling disgusted, too. Could the EPs/writers not think up anything new? Was the only thing they could think to do, was to cut and paste the emotional beats from the first season? Especially when they couldn’t even manage that much -- from Shiro’s showdown in S1 to the letdown in S7. Or Allura’s startling but asskicking fight against Haggar, including the surprise power-up... to the Atlas over-powering and doing not much of anything against Haggar’s proxy. 

In the end, I was stuck with two possible reasons for the repetition. One, the EPs/writers couldn’t figure out how to structure a successful seasonal arc, so they looked back and just copied a previous season, beat for beat. Or, worse, they took exec permission and re-litigated S1/S2, which frankly is much worse. Yes, their interviews make clear they chafed at exec oversight. But is that any reason to destroy your own story by driving the same ruts for the nth time?

All I can say is: at the very least, S1/S2 had a solid structure, so while copying it felt lazy and amateurish, it didn’t make things worse. If S8 is another redux of S3-S6? Not good, because those 26 episodes, in terms of story structure, are a meandering hot mess.