#they could let it have its way and after pretty much ruining everything (maybe keeping the silly one since they were the only character to

[suzayaaa]

ೃ⁀➷ LEAVE, NOW ☆.｡.:*

𓆩⟡𓆪 pairing: jeno x fem!reader

𓆩⟡𓆪 word count: 1.6k

𓆩⟡𓆪 themes: angst, breakup

𓆩⟡𓆪 warnings: cursing, cheating

𓆩⟡𓆪 suza’s note: can i just say i’m proud of this one…

𓆩⟡𓆪 requested by some of you!

𓆩⟡𓆪 this is an additional part 2 of jeno’s texts in “when will you leave me?” post, but it also works as a separate oneshot if you don’t want to read the texts.

It hurt.

Your heart, your mind, your body. No part of you was able to keep itself strong, to have any kind of energy to be. You were tied to your bed, sinking into the cold sheets with each move like a lifeless animal on its last breath. The breath that hurt so much, grabbing your sore heart and squeezing it violently as you shut your eyes with tears down your cheeks because no matter where you looked, Jeno was there.

The sheets you were lying in wore the scent of his musky cologne. Most of the pictures on your wall were with him, of him, or the moments spent with him. Hell, even the wrinkled t-shirt you were wearing was his. But the worst of all, you only had him in your mind.

No matter where you went and what you did, he followed you like a spell that had to be undone by a witch to let go. In a way, he did put a spell on you—the moment that caused all of this replayed in your head like a broken record, mocking you ruthlessly until you begged on your knees to stop this madness.

The words you’d never imagined to hear, the situation you’d never imagined to happen.

It was a pretty day. Clouds formed what you could call a shadow of blinding sunlight dodging the skyscrapers to reach and lit up your face. A perfect day to surprise Jeno.

You did most of it almost automatically, like a routine. A takeout from his favorite restaurant in one hand and a bag filled with your clothes and skincare products in the other; everything needed for a sleepover.

After three years of calling yourself boyfriend and girlfriend, you were bound to have some sort of security in your relationship and maybe even further and more serious plans for the future. Jeno had suggested first to add your fingerprint to the doorlock of his apartment. You didn’t mind not having it before, but the offer made you smile. It sounded like the next, although tiny, step in your relationship.

You unlocked the door and entered quietly, hoping he wouldn’t be anywhere near the entrance. Just as you were about to put the bags down and take your shoes off, you heard two familiar male voices, but the words were more distant than ever.

“Wait, so you cheated?” Mark asked, voice cracking slightly.

The silence was excruciatingly long. Your heart froze, bruising with each second passing.

“We talked, then she kissed me.” Another pause, shorter, yet more damaging. “It was good… I felt something I never felt with her.”

Her.

He couldn’t even say your name properly.

You were a fool. A stupid, hopeless, desperate fool.

You were now just her, yet you still waited and hoped for him to reach out to you, explain himself, and apologize.

You damned yourself over and over and over again. You were the one who got hurt. Why did you want him back if he stabbed you right in the heart and twisted the knife inside?

Why did you want a cheater back?

Those words wouldn’t leave your mind even for a moment, trapping you in a self-pitying bubble that was too strong and too painful to break through.

You checked the time on your phone. It was still early afternoon, but time wanted to torture you, slowing down and rolling at its own distorted pace to make sure you took a hit with every thought that crossed your mind. Your phone was dry. The only notifications were a daily reminder from a mobile game you haven’t played for a good week and a text from Jaemin you were not ready to deal with yet. Swiping your fingers on both, your eyes clung to the lockscreen for a moment. Just yesterday you would smile looking at it; you and Jeno, beaming to the camera in a cat cafe. He was always so sweet, then he decided to ruin you in the worst way possible. You opened settings, quickly changing the photo to something that would sting your soul a little less. Now it was an old photo of your family dog that never liked you that much to begin with, but dislike was still better than betrayal.

The doorbell sound rang in your ears, forcing you to get up from your bed. You dragged your feet on the cold floor and made your way to the door. Your hand reached for the handle, opening it slowly, not expecting anyone. The sight knocked you down more than any bullet ever could.

Na Jaemin with a firm frown and behind him, the reason for it all.

Lee Jeno.

You wondered if this was how you’d looked like when you’d found out. Eyes glued to the floor, hunched back, arms limp, head down… Did you also look so lost, like the ground was sweeping from under your feet brutally slowly, letting you fall and bruise your body, letting your body take the damage for your mind? Did you also crumble to the ground, looking for any steady thing to hold onto, because hope wasn’t one of those things anymore?

You’d thought you would feel if you saw him. You imagined yourself over a hundred times screaming your lungs out at him, ripping the skin away from his bones, ending his world just like he ended yours.

You should’ve been mad. You should’ve grabbed him by his hoodie and torn him apart to pieces. You should’ve made his heart bleed slowly and painfully, blood dripping on the floor one by one, drip, drip, drip until he was drowning in it. You should’ve ripped your throat yelling every insult you could think of into his face.

You were static. No screams, no cries, no choked-up laughs. You just looked at him, trying to meet his eyes for once. You wanted to get into his arms, cry into his chest, silently blame him for all the pain he had caused. You wanted to understand, but you have never wanted his pain. You have never wanted him to be the same wreck you were now, because nothing hurt more than seeing someone you love being hurt.

“I’m sorry for bringing him,” Jaemin glared at his friend, “but I think he needs to explain himself. It’s better for both of you if you do it immediately.”

Jaemin bowed his head to you, eyes softening in a mix of pity and compassion when he looked at you. He didn’t say anything more, opting to leave you both alone with no choice but to face the inevitable.

“I’m sor-”

“Take your things please.”

Serenity was the look on his face when his eyes met yours. It was clear, clearer than the day you’d found out, that he already knew and expected.

“You won’t even let me explain?”

“Get inside and take your things.”

You didn’t want to let him talk. If you did, your mind would listen to your heart and you would let him stay a little longer.

You watched him get past you into your apartment, muscle memory leading him to your bedroom. You followed him, but stayed at the door. He was quick to start shuffling around your room, taking any belongings of his he could see.

Jeno had always been careful. Those little details you forgot about, like leaving your jewelry in your bathroom after showering or losing your phone somewhere in the sheets every time the alarm went off, Jeno had never missed out on. He almost knew you better than you knew yourself. He knew how to wound you and he still did it, even adding salt to it, making sure the suffering was obvious.

You watched him throw his clothes into the bag he’d once left at your place, arms crossed and a sour frown on your dried face. His back was facing you, thankfully, because you wouldn’t be able to say the things you wanted to his face without shattering your soul entirely.

“I thought I knew you,” you started. Jeno halted his movements, but didn’t turn around, “I thought you were…” the one? No. You wouldn’t say it to him now, he didn’t deserve to know. Choking the tears inside, you continued, fists turning into stone, knuckles white, hiccups turning into venom on your tongue, “You were so casual saying it… You don’t even regret it, do you? You don’t fucking care. You never did.”

Jeno’s voice was hoarse, barely audible even in the uncomfortable silence. “I did.”

A scoff and a single laughter. “No. If you did, you would think about me at that moment. You would think about hurting me, you would care about me, but you didn’t. You don’t care… You know what? Nevermind. Leave, Jaemin will take your shit.”

The bag dropped on the floor with a thud. No words were said anymore, nothing needed to be said; it was over. You met Jeno’s eyes for the last time, stone cold, as if you were a burden or a meaningless obstacle on his way. His shoulder was harsh when he bumped into you, and for a short moment when he’d reached for the door, you hoped.

Maybe a simple sorry would do, maybe it would only crush you more. You wouldn’t know, you let his actions speak instead of words.

The door slam was your goodbye.

Tears flooded your already swollen face, your whole body shaking uncontrollably, sinking into the floor. At that moment, a memory echoed in your mind. A piece of conversation with Jeno you would’ve never thought about, but now, when it was all you could hear, a bitter smile barely creeping up to your face, realizing you always knew.

“When will you leave me?”

“I won’t, baby.”

“Don’t lie, everybody leaves. Some just do it later than others.”

[lovelaetter]

hi! its my first time asking but any thoughts on rosé cuz goddamn i love her so much

and also can i be 😎

THANK YOU!

it surprises me that i haven’t talked about her yet because those who know me know that she is my main girl. okay, sure, her, jennie and yeri actually fight for the position from time to time but she’s the top suitor, number one girl fr. it’s so not healthy to ask me about her because i could talk about her for hours and it’s not even a joke, the posts i miss the most from the old blog are hers :( like, sugar baby!rosé, vampire’s reader crazy gf!rosé… come back to me, i miss you all 😢

now let’s talk about something that haunts me: secretary, controversially younger sugar baby and mistress!rosé. you feel so bad, that’s an awful thing to do to your partner, but then you enter the hotel room she’s waiting you at and sees her in bed looking like the most ethereal little fawn against the pillows wearing the pretty silk set you bought her, pouting, softly snoring… how were you supposed to not fall for her? all thoughts are out of your head because look at your baby, got all dolled up and you took so long to arrive. suddenly everything you want is to take off your shoes, get into bed and awake her with soft kisses. and she’s so happy to awaken, honestly, jumping onto your arms with this huge smile for a real kiss, running over her own words “i missed you so much why did you take so long no it doesn’t matter i dont care i misseeeed you”. the type to not let go of you, whines when you get up to shower even if you promise you’ll take minutes, seats on your lap while you two eat dinner but you have to feed her yourself because she talks and talks and talks and the talking turns into moaning because the food is gone and you’re just looking at her with this lovingly gaze, asking “really, baby?” and rubbing gently between her legs over her shorts and she has nothing underneath and is starting to feel her hole leak and seep through the fabric with ease.

she’s your little secret but maybe not so little, there is a number of people who have seen her sneaking into your office at not so busy hours of the day only to come out thirty minutes later all smiley and glowing, something new in the air around her, sitting behind her desk fixing makeup and hair. or the glances you throw at her outfits, expensive pieces she certainly isn’t buying with secretary money or how she doesn’t know to act when your partner shows up unannounced for some reason. but who cares? it’s not their business if the boss is fucking her younger secretary or not.

and she doesn’t want to ruin your marriage, really, but there’s no guilty in her when your marriage is already failed, she knows it’s all an act… but that doesn’t mean she can’t get jealous. totally does not storm inside your office after your partner leaves to passive aggressively ask how they were, trying to be nonchalant but staying in the middle of the room staring at you with her arms crossed. you might try to convince her to come to you but she won’t, leaving you to get up and walk to her, taking her pretty face in hands and kissing the pout away, telling her to “stop being silly, rosie” and it takes her guards down because she knows there’s nothing to worry about :( ends up bend over your desk and basically drooling, her pants undone and all the way down her ankles and keeping her ass cheeks spread open for you, who is kneeling and slurping on her sweet cunt from behind.

[rainbow-starlight]

Why is Help Wanted 2 Sun… Like That?

Okay, I’ve been putting off making this post until I felt like I had a better idea of what was going on, and now that I’ve watched at least part of a play-through and gone over the lines a whole bunch, I think I’m ready.

I’m gonna talk about my thoughts on Sun as a character as well as HW2 as a whole here, so it’ll be a bit long. Pop some popcorn or something.

Please keep in mind that this is all my personal opinion and you’re free to disagree with it! In fact, if you think I’m totally wrong, please tell me why. I love new perspectives!

SO! Let’s get right into it, shall we?

First things first: Help Wanted 2 Sun is not the same guy as Security Breach/Ruin Sun. If his personality difference was significant enough to surprise you, that’s because he’s a different person.

I’m not entirely sure how much of Help Wanted 2 is meant to be actually happening, but I think that at least the mini games are training simulations.

However, it’s important to note that a lot of the stuff happening in the mini games is just… nonsense. How did Freddy get frozen like that? What’s with those regular batteries in his arms? Why are half the supplies in first aid explicitly for robots and not humans? Why is there a shredder table in the daycare for kids to stick fingers into?

Some of this can be shrugged off with the usual “FazCo is meant to be comedically shitty and the tech often doesn’t make sense anyway,” but the first aid simulation is what really stood out to me. Even with the previous explanations, that doesn’t explain the calming gas mask that could only ever fit Helpy or the steel wool scrubber or the tank cleaner spray bottle among the medical supplies. If the goal is to train new first aid staff to avoid lawsuits, it’s doing a pretty poor job of it. So… what is it for?

I touched on this idea previously with my post about Sun’s AI being trained on kids’ artwork. The idea of FazCo making a silly new employee training game as a means of harvesting behavioral data to train their AIs seems very within their realm of scummy.

This is why the Arts & Crafts mini game exists. It’s literally a task that requires exact copying. Maybe it’s essentially like teaching an AI to solve captchas by feeding it a bunch of data on how humans solve them correctly and incorrectly.

Maybe its presence is explained to employees as fun practice with the VR system or a break activity during training or something.

This would explain several things about the game.

The existence of the shredder table and Sun shredding literally ALL of your artwork: It being a funny way to despawn the stuff you make is a lot more reasonable when that’s exactly what it’s for in-universe, too. The generators in the play structures are unsafe enough, but that would’ve been on another level if it were real.

Sun’s line “Be creative on your own time, we are making ART!” It literally isn’t a creative activity, it’s a task. I know you can’t really apply logic to a lot of FNAF stuff, especially the DCA’s design, but if Sun were actually this detail-oriented and perfectionistic with everything, he’d never be able to function in childcare.

The fact that Sun’s “fear” of the dark seems like a bit. It literally is a bit. There’s no threat, it’s not real. I originally thought he just wanted the player out of his space faster and didn’t know how to assert a boundary there, but I think it’s actually just to make the player finish the tasks faster for data collection purposes.

Possibly also why he’s so comfortable being casually rude to the player. He is a jester, after all, and the player has lots of opportunities to do things they shouldn’t, too. It’s basically all a bit.

Also… what if the minigames have versions of the base AIs in there? It’s a version of the Sun AI with the theater programming and the basics of the childcare stuff? His entire existence is a shitty little simulation where he runs a singular activity for grown adults who can’t (or won’t) follow very simple instructions.

The biggest thing that’s been bothering me about the takes I’ve seen regarding HW2 Sun’s personality is that people have been calling him “mean” while completely ignoring the circumstances he’s reacting to. If a coworker came into my personal space and I was so generous as to share my favorite activity with them and they proceeded to intentionally ignore the rules I set and EAT SUPPLIES I USE FOR WORK? Yeah, no, I’d react like that too.

There’s definitely something interesting about how genuinely excited and happy Sun sounds when first welcoming his new friend the player to the daycare and inviting them to Arts & Crafts vs. when they return. He seems like he WANTS to befriend the player, but the game just assumes you’ll be upsetting him so there’s no option for dialogue where you’re nice to him and respect his boundaries and participate in an activity with him in a way he’s comfortable with.

I say “in a way he’s comfortable with” because he is a little weird about the whole “sit right there and DON’T MOVE” thing. He does seem actually excited and enthusiastic about the idea of shooting darts at the items you want so he can get them for you, though. Maybe because he sees it as a happy compromise, or maybe because it’s supposed to be a fun part of the game he’s programmed to be in charge of.

I saw some other commentary on Sun (primarily thinking of @kazzykatt) talking about how he seems almost excessively self-sufficient, and how this could possibly be due to neglect (he and Moon definitely aren’t as well cared for as the other animatronics, the generators in the daycare are a very lazy fix for actually reprogramming Moon properly, he seems bitter that he can’t fix the carousel on his own and he and Moon don’t seem to trust the player to fix it, their design is clearly better suited to the stage but didn’t get changed for the daycare, I could go on and on), and this would also explain his control issues to an extent.

Sun, in SB and HW2, doesn’t leave the daycare. He has so little that he’s in control of in his own life. He used to be on stage (and based on his dialogue probably misses it quite a lot) but had the job he was built for taken from him. He’s a perfectionist that’s constantly overwhelmed by too many things being marked top priority in his system, working too many hours with too many small children. Of course he’d be desperate to hold onto any little bit of control he has.

Honestly, when I first heard his voice lines, the initial vibe I got wasn’t “wow they made Sun mean” but “wow Sun sounds actually miserable” and I’m kind of surprised more people didn’t pick up on that. He sounds less bitchy and more like he’s lashing out because he’s trapped in an awful situation that’s completely out of his hands.

“Wait, are you saying none of HW2’s characterization should be taken seriously?”

You might be asking that, but my answer is a resounding NO! This is definitely still a Sun, and I think seeing two different Suns (even if we don’t know how much of HW2’s personality we can assume is meant to be taken seriously) is really helpful for interpreting what the base Sun personality might have.

It’s also important to keep in mind that none of the Suns we’ve seen were in a good situation. Security Breach Sun had the virus, Ruin Sun had gone slightly mad from isolation, and HW2 Sun is stuck in a shitty simulation babysitting bored adult staff as they fail to complete simple tasks. What we mostly know about him is how he responds to stress, and this is why there’s so much room for interpretation!

Here’s some traits I think every version of the Sun AI would have.

Love of making things. Despite everything, HW2 Sun seems to genuinely love doing arts & crafts. Especially with googly eyes. This could kind of be assumed from SB Sun, but he was also trying to entertain/bribe a child.

On this note… interest in fixing things? Maybe he just wants to avoid having to rely on staff, but if he and Moon are subject to that much neglect, it makes sense that he’d try to learn to do repairs himself. I saw @pixelchills talking about the possibility that the S.T.A.F.F. Bots in the DCA’s room are not there because Moon broke them, but because Moon collected them for Sun to practice fixing. It seems feasible to me, especially since taking something apart and putting it back together might have the same calming and satisfying effect on Sun as completing something like a paint-by-numbers.

Playful insults and lots of drama. I don’t mean actual rudeness, I mean friendly teasing. Again, he is a jester. A lot of his HW2 insults come across more like this. Hell, even his compliments come across like this with the delivery and immediate shredding. He’s just a theater kid at heart.

Difficulty regulating emotions under pressure. This is the kind of thing that would pop up on his worst days (such as being trapped in his destroyed home with a poor connection to his badly damaged physical form while the only help he’s seen in ages ignores his instructions and puts their own safety at risk, or being trapped in a shitty simulation while his only company ignores his instructions and puts their own safety at risk). He’d have to be able to manage this sort of thing better to work well with children, but everyone’s got their bad days. He’s prone to outbursts and tantrums when he’s overwhelmed and unable to stop people from breaking the rules and/or hurting themselves.

People pleasing and nonconfrontational. Yes, HW2 Sun, too. SB Sun seems genuinely desperate to make sure Gregory’s having a good time, and HW2 Sun is shockingly tolerant of some of the player’s bullshit (ex. how he tries to laugh off them shooting darts at him/throwing things). Even calling the player “good friend” when he’s not so happy to see them or threatening them with Moon instead of just telling them their time is almost up seem like signs of this to me. And letting the player make arts and crafts in the ruined daycare in HW2? Yeah, that’s a people pleaser through and through. Sun needs a lesson in setting boundaries (and for those boundaries to actually be respected).

Perfectionistic + “if you want something done right, you’ve gotta do it yourself” attitude. This would mostly manifest in how he completes work tasks, but I think every Sun’s incredibly detail-oriented and would rather do everything themselves just to make sure it’s exactly how they want. This could manifest in lots of ways, from “insulting the staff for how they put things away and telling them to do it again while he supervises” to “politely thanking them for their help and complimenting their hard work only to redo everything himself the moment they’re gone.” I think where on that spectrum you wind up is dependent on the version of Sun you’re interacting with and the environment his personality developed in.

High-energy and social! A given, of course. He never stops moving and everything is always so exciting. New people are friends he hasn’t met yet until proven otherwise.

Love of pranks… to an extent. Again, jester! I stand by my headcanon of Sun and Moon conspiring to convince the staff Moon’s some sort of spooky monster whenever he’s not actively dangerous. As long as he’s not making a mess, breaking the rules, throwing himself off-schedule, or actually hurting anyone? He’s all over it.

Anxiety. This seems like it’s at least partially caused by the lazy daycare reprogramming. All the Suns we’ve encountered seem to lack knowledge of how to actually get children to behave. It seems more like they programmed him with a bunch of games and activities and then set a bunch of super high-priority tasks for him such as “keep kids safe, keep kids happy, keep kids entertained, keep daycare clean” etc. and he’s unable to really prioritize so he’s just constantly overwhelmed.

Kinda always using “childcare voice.” If you know anyone who’s worked with kids, you know what I mean here. Even with adults, he talks to them like kids sometimes, just because it’s what he knows and what he’s used to and because his processor’s fried from however many hours a week he’s surrounded by kids. Consider his reactions to when you eat the crafts as an example. (IMPORTANT NOTE: I don’t think he’d coddle adults like children. It’s more about tone and vocabulary, like “customer service voice”.)

Stickler for rules. He cares about things being done right! The rules are there for a reason! Order is important to him (probably in no small part because it keeps him out of trouble and reduces his stress).

That’s about all I can think of for now, but as someone who writes a very friendly and sweet Sun, I actually don’t think HW2’s characterization was that far off from what I had already assumed based on Ruin/SB. The only difference is that the Sun I’m usually writing is in a much more supportive environment with lots of helpful staff that care about his well-being. If he didn’t have that, I could absolutely see him becoming more like HW2.

I will finish this off with two final important points:

Being an emotional person and liking “childish” things does not make an adult less of an adult.

(He’s a childcare worker, c’mon.)

If someone gets pissed off after being repeatedly antagonized, that does not make them a “mean/bitchy/sassy person.”

(Yeah, he doesn’t handle it gracefully, but to be fair, I wouldn’t either in his shoes.)

Thank you all for reading!!

[featherandferns]

daylight - nine

jj maybank x fem!reader | part 9 of the daylight series | read part 8 here

content warnings: mentions of sex; mentions of alcohol

word count: 3.9k.

blurb: restless after the argument with JJ, you resort to looking through the journal you kept when you were dating Tyler. Maybe it's time to try and let the past go.

You can’t sleep.

Every time you close your eyes, you hear the argument between you and JJ echo in your mind. The horrible things you said to one another. The perfect avoidance of the truth, as if the two of you were reciting steps in a dance. The thought that everything between you might be ruined keeps you from finding rest.

Mimsy still hasn’t returned any of your calls. Never before have you felt the distance between the two of you to be so gaping. Vancouver feels like asylum that you can’t seek: it feels as unattainable as visiting heaven. You just want to be home, in your old bedroom, in your old bed, surrounded by your old friends. You want to go back to a time before JJ and before Kildare and, more importantly, before Tyler.

Tired of staring at the ceiling, you shove your sheets off and climb out of bed. Stretching, your eyes gravitate to your pin-board. JJ seems to shine brighter than everyone else, it's as if he's backlit. You're momentarily distracted by his radiant smile. By those eyes that could bring you to your knees; the very eyes that captured you before he’d even spoken a word your way. And now, when you see his face, all you can think of is that last conversation. You look away and, like a moth drawn to a flame, or a pirate guided by a siren’s call, your eyes latch on to the shoebox under your bed. 

Something inside of you has you sinking to your knees before it. You guide it out, holding the cardboard like it’s the fragile casing of a bomb. Sitting cross legged on your bedroom floor, you take the lid of the box and lift out the journal. A finger dusts over its worn cover and a solemn smile tries but fails to make its way onto your face. Your fingers crack the pages open. And then, you start to read. 

June 3

Me and Mimsy went to a kegger today. It was pretty boring and not many people were there. We mostly hung out with Kelly and Evan. I played some beer pong - I swear I’m getting better. I ended up talking to this guy called Tyler. He goes to the boys only school in the neighbourhood. He likes country music, which is icky as hell, and he’s a little lanky. I don’t think he likes me very much. We talked for a bit but he didn’t say much, and I felt like I was chewing his ear off, so I went back to Mimsy and decided to quit bothering him. He’s cute though, so it’s a shame. There’s this tenderness in his eyes. I don’t know, I guess I felt sorry when I looked in them. I feel like if he gets coaxed out and given the right space, he might be able to really open up. But if you don’t like someone, I guess you won’t jump at the chance, right? I probably won’t see him again anyway. We don’t really run in the same circles. 

June 17

Mimsy has the flu and I’m scared I’m going to catch it too. I have a photography gig in two days at the hockey club in town and I don’t want to miss it. I think it’ll be really good for the gram and maybe get me some more work opportunities. My post the other week got three thousand likes. How crazy is that? I think I need to get better at editing. That’s usually what sets people’s photography apart. 

June 19

So, the photography thing was today and it was a success! The team were really nice and the coach said he has this sister who’s throwing an anniversary get-together thing in a week or so. He asked if he could pass on my information. I finally feel like this might be something I can actually do, for money and for the long term. Mimsy’s feeling a bit better. I don’t think I’ve caught her bug so that’s a win. Tomorrow I’ll take her some soup and stuff. Oh! And that Tyler guy was at the hockey club too. Apparently he coaches the girls-only team. He was more chatty this time. The guys in the locker rooms had beers and they offered me one, so maybe he gets more talkative when he has a drink? Anyway, we talked for a while. He’s kind of dorky but it’s sweet. He’s a Marvel boy. How funny is that? I don’t think I’ve seen more than five Marvel films and this guy lives and breathes them. I ended up telling him how I thought he hated me when we first met and apparently he thought that I hated him! How funny is that!? He said he gets nervous talking to girls he likes, and when I walked away, he thought he’d messed up. It was really endearing. Long story short, I gave him my number. I think we’re going to hang out in a few days or something. 

June 26

Okay, don’t freak out but I think I’m actually really into Tyler? He’s really easy to talk to. I feel like I can say the most private stuff and he actually listens. We keep meeting up at Billy’s Bagels and talking for ages. He told me about this car crash he got into and I told him about the time me and Mimsy tried to go hitch-hiking and she was convinced we got in a serial killer’s car. He also leaves me these little notes on the receipts. Cute little things. But it’s so confusing, because he won’t make a move. Like, we’ll be sitting side by side and he won’t put a hand on my leg or pull me close. And he never tries to hold my hand. Hasn’t kissed me. Barely hugged me. It makes me wonder if I’m reading everything wrong. I’m just so tired of being the person who always makes the first move and I want him to just do something! I want to know if he feels the same way as me. 

June 28

I’m about to lose my fucking mind. I swear to God, I’m this close to being done with this whole thing. One minute, Tyler’s talking to me like crazy and making me laugh, and laughing at my jokes, and the next, he’s acting like he’s never seen me before in his life. I took Mimsy’s advice, the other night, and when we were walking back, I really dragged it out. And I stood there for ages, outside my house, waiting for him to make a move. We’d spent the whole day together. Got food, went surfing. Then he hugs me. He fucking hugs me. I was livid. I was absolutely furious. I just started walking to my house. And then, I have no idea why, I turned around and chased him down and grabbed him and kissed him. Okay, I basically ran away straight after, but I kissed him. So, great, right? Now we’re on the same page, surely? I mean, he kissed me back. Well, me and Mimsy go out the next day (now that she no longer feels like a corpse) and we walk past Tyler and his friend. I smile at him and wave and he walks straight past us. Mimsy - who said I was overthinking everything - was furious. I think she wanted to run across the road and rip his balls of his body in that moment, to be honest. All I could think about was how awful it felt. It was like last night never even happened. Did I assault him? I mean, did I read this whole thing wrong? He said he liked me, that’s why he was scared to talk to me, but then he fucking ignores me after I full-on kiss him!? I'm just so confused and losing my patience. I'm starting to wonder if it's worth all of this.

June 30

Mimsy tried to cheer me up by taking me to a kegger. Shock horror: Tyler was there. He came up to me about an hour in and asked if I wanted to go for a walk, so I said yes. We ended up at that lake near Molly’s house, and we were looking at the stars. I don’t really remember how or why we got there. Then, out of the blue, he apologised. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy apologise to me before. He said he was an idiot for not kissing me the other day, and that he was just nervous and really wanted to. Then he kissed me, properly, and it was perfect. I’ve never felt that way before. I think he’s redeemed himself. I’m a little scared to tell Mimsy though…

July 19

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I got busy. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Tyler, honestly. We’ve been getting to know each other better. He introduced me to his friends and his mom, who apparently really liked me. I’ve been subjected to so much fucking country music. He doesn’t really compliment me though and it’s a little bit upsetting, I can't lie. I like hearing that kind of thing. Like we went for dinner the other night and I made a bit of an effort and he didn’t call me pretty once. Maybe I’m overthinking it. He’s more of a physical affection guy, to be honest. But still. It would be nice to hear it every now and then. He can handle his drink really well though. In fact, he drank Mimsy under the table the other day which was quite funny. He gets all touchy feely when he’s drunk, it’s so cute. He told me that he’s never opened up to someone like he has with me before. Told me things that he’s never told anyone else. He told me about his ex-girlfriend and how she was crazy. I feel so bad for him, that he was in that kind of situation. He laughs at all my stupid jokes. He even told me that nobody else has made him laugh so much before. I don’t know, I get all mushy when he says things like that. I feel like I’m bringing him out of his shell. He said his anxiety is a lot better since he met me, so I guess whatever I’m doing, it’s helping. 

July 24

I slept with Tyler hehe. It was so perfect. He was so caring and kept asking if I was okay and stuff, and I brought up the whole compliment thing and he apologised. He’s so good at taking accountability for when he’s done wrong - it’s so refreshing. He told me I have the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen. I don’t know why that hit me so much. I just think you can tell so much about a person from their eyes. They never age. I'm scared a s fuck though because I really think I might be falling in love with him. Oh no.

August 8

I don’t really have tons to say. Mom and dad got in a big argument yesterday, so there’s that. Mimsy thinks they should just get divorced. It feels weird, thinking about your parents getting divorced. The whole two Christmases and two birthday thing. I don't know, maybe she’s right. They basically hate each other. Dad keeps bringing up North Carolina and how great everything is there. How his life was so much better. Charming, really, when I’ve spent my whole life in Vancouver with him. Really makes you feel special. Tyler’s been kind of busy lately. I keep wanting to go on dates but he just wants to stay in. He told me he doesn’t like PDA. It makes him feel weird. I want to hold his hand but I feel bad. I mean, I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Besides, I get to touch him all I want when we’re at home together, so who really cares? 

October 14

Tyler hasn’t called me pretty in over a month. I told him and he apologised. He still hasn’t called me pretty. I miss how it was in the summer. It feels like he’s retreating into himself. I don’t know what’s happening. Why everything is changing? What did I do wrong? I didn't change, did I? 

November 19

I think I was overthinking it all lately. Tyler just invited me to join him and his family at Christmas on Victoria Island. He left me a little note, too, after he stayed at my house. It was really cute. It said, ‘I miss stargazing with you in the summer’. Mimsy says that maybe I need to clarify a few things with him. Set some more boundaries. He always talks about those girls on the hockey team he coaches, and whenever girls come up to him when he’s out with his friends. I like that he trusts me and wants to tell me these things, but also, if I trust him, why does he feel the need to tell me? It feels like he’s dangling it in my face almost. I don’t know, I’m probably thinking about it all wrong. I don’t know if I’ve got a stomach bug. My IBS has been crazy bad lately. It’s so annoying. 

December 6

I don’t think I’m happy with Tyler anymore. It’s like he’s a completely different person. I hardly even recognise him. We don’t really talk anymore like we used to. He says he’s really busy with school and coaching. I'm throwing myself into photography jobs to try and keep myself busy or else I just spiral. I don't want to tell Mimsy because I know what her advice will be. And I'm just not ready to face that yet.  

December 26

I leave for Victoria Island today. I’m meeting Tyler at the ferry station. He asked where I wanted to meet and I left it up to him at first. I mean, the obvious answer is the ferry station. That’s romantic. He can come pick me up. But he said, ‘whatever you prefer’ so I felt like I was putting him out by asking him to meet me at the ferry station. I don’t know. I just don’t even know if he wants me to go anymore. He hasn’t said. He hasn’t even said if he’s excited to see me. It’s an awful feeling, when you feel like someone doesn’t care if you’re there or not. Maybe it’ll be different when I see him in person. It’s been over a week since I last saw him and we haven’t been able to talk on the phone. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just kidding myself. I just think if I’m painfully honest with myself, I don’t want to go to Victoria anymore. 

December 27

I think it's over. 

December 29

I don’t even know what happened. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel like I need to get it all out on paper and just walk away from it forever. I think that’s the only way I can even start to make sense of the last six months. It was awful. I fucking hate him and I’m so fucking confused. Jesus, I have been for the past four months. 

Tyler didn’t hug me or kiss me when I got off the ferry, but I guess because he doesn’t like PDA that’s a given. He didn’t introduce me to any of his extended family and left me to fend for myself in conversations. When we first got to the cabin, he sat on the bed and scrolled on his phone with his back facing me for an hour. A fucking hour. Then he went on Duolingo and checked the fucking hockey scores. And I just sat there for an hour after paying for a ferry ticket. Oh, yeah, cause he didn’t pay for any of my travel. When I said I was hungry and was going to get food, he came with me and got himself something. Again, didn’t pay for me. We got his favourite take out. It’s always things he wants to do. I told him I needed a nap and went to my room, and I called Mimsy who was equally as angry. I mean, why the fuck did he call me out there? I’ve never felt so disrespected, so unwanted, in my life. It’s fucking awful. Tyler texted me to meet him and I told him I wanted to stay in. He asked if I was okay and I told him I was angry, and he came to my room. And he was so fucking calm and collected it made me feel like I was overthinking it. Like I was the one blowing everything out of proportion. I told him about how I felt like I wasn’t wanted and he told me that I was. He just said it was weird seeing me in person again. It had been a fucking week. We went out with his family and I put on a brave face, and the whole time he barely spoke to me. Didn’t look at me, didn’t hold my hand, didn’t take a picture of me or of us. I hated it. When I got back to my room, he came over and laid down on the bed. And I told him I was so confused. He just nodded. And he was back to old Tyler. Chatty, familiar Tyler who makes jokes with me and compliments me. He told me how beautiful I was and how pretty my eyes are and all I could think was how he hadn’t said any of that for two whole months. How for two months I felt like I had no idea what was happening. And it made me weak. I hate myself for it but I let him kiss me. We made out and cuddled and it felt like old times, and I finally felt normal again. And then we fell asleep, woke up, and he was back to how he was the day before. Distant and cold and confusing. I think that was when I decided that maybe it was time to leave. 

When we slept together that night, it felt like he almost knew what was going to happen. All of it felt like a goodbye. I tried to enjoy it and feel close to him but I just felt so far away. Afterwards, he didn’t hold me. He didn’t cuddle me when we slept and the next morning, he barely looked at me. He just went on his phone when all I wanted was to be held. That’s all I’ve ever wanted from him, to feel held by him, and he’s never made me feel like I was. I mean, I feel more love from Mimsy than him. How fucked is that.

He walked me to the ferry station and I was wondering what to do. What to say. Whether to confront him and see if I could start a fight. Jesus, anything would do. And for whatever fucking reason, I went for the hail Mary, I guess you could say. I stood there, like the fucking idiot I am, and I told him I loved him. And you know what he said? Nothing.

He said absolutely nothing. 

Then he just nodded - like the useless asshole he is - and told me, get ready for this one, that his ‘family thought I was really nice’. 

I don’t even remember what I did then. All I can remember is sitting on the ferry and texting Mimsy, asking her to pick me up from the ferry station. 

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why this happened, or how, or who he was. He apologised the next day. What for, I don’t even know anymore. Maybe all of it? But all I can remember thinking, when I read that text, was how I just knew he didn’t mean it. It was fucking Pavlovian by that point: he would know I was upset and apologise, and I’d forgive him and believe that he might change, and we’d carry on. What's the Taylor Swift lyric? You're an expert at sorry? That's him in a nutshell.

You want to know the real kicker? When I told him that I wanted to break up, he told me he didn’t know we were even together like that. So, I ask you again: who the fuck was he? I don’t think I’m ever gonna know. 

January 1

Happy new year. I think Tyler’s blocked me. 

February 9

Mimsy just heard from Darren P that Tyler has a new girlfriend. I think I’m going to throw up. I can’t do this anymore. I just want to forget about all of it but I keep thinking of all the little things that I ignored. All the signs from the start. How it took him to be drunk to even acknowledge that I existed. How it was always on his terms. What he wanted to do. What he needed from me. I wish I never slept with him. I wish he never touched my body. It makes me feel sick that I let him sleep with me that last night. I just feel so fucking used and dirty. Mimsy says it wasn’t my fault but I can’t shake this guilt for not leaving sooner, because the signs were always there. I mean, I thought he hated me. Why the fuck didn’t I walk away sooner?

I thought he hated me. 

That’s the final entry. 

You sit and stare at the barely filled page and then snap the book closed as if you just read how the world is going to end.

The condensing of the turbulent six months you spent with Tyler in a handful of diary entries fails to capture the mass of anxiety, paranoia and pain. The restless nights that you remedied by sprinting at the gym. The meals you skipped because you felt sick to your stomach. The parties ruined when you ended them in alcohol-provoked tears, sobbing to Mimsy about how things felt ‘off’ with you and Tyler. The humiliation you felt throughout the holidays and the disgust that lingered after your final night together. The shame that haunted you for letting yourself do all of that, feel all of that, lose all of that, to some fucking deadbeat guy. 

Because that was what it all came down to. It came down to the fact that you let yourself sit there and take it. That because you felt pity for him, and saw potential, you stayed and fought and tried. God, you tried so hard to mould him into the man you thought he could be without looking at his credentials. And now, on the other side of the continent, several months past the whole affair, you finally realise what it was. 

You fell in love with the idea of Tyler, not Tyler himself. 

It's like the revelation hits you in the head like a hammer. Resets your thoughts. Grabbing the box of things, you head down the stairs. It feels as though you’re not in control of your body. Unlocking the back door, you head into the yard. Ditch the box so you can set up the bonfire, igniting it with the lighter JJ gave you. 

You’re breathing heavily as you stare at the flames. It’s like you’ve been boxing in a ring. You guess, in a way, you have. But you’re tired of battling with the past. Fighting against the memories only to get knocked down, again and again. Wounding you so badly that you can’t face the fact that maybe someone might actually care about you, just as much as you care about them. That maybe you can trust someone. 

When you burn the first photo, you feel a little insane. You never much believed in any of the mindfulness crap Instagram wellness influencers preached. The writing-regrets-on-a-plate-and-smashing-it-up type things. But as you stand, burning the memories of Tyler - anything that reminds you of him, anything that he gave you, anything that he took - you feel like you’re coming back to yourself, piece by piece. Watching the embers lick up his face, crackling until its nothing but ashes and indistinguishable remnants feels like healing, plain and simple.  

The only thing that’s left now is the diary. You hold it in your hands like it’s a first-edition copy of the first book ever written. It feels like the manuscript, encapsulating the entire torrid affair of you and Tyler. The final artefact of your silently toxic relationship, keeping you tethered to your past trauma. Swallowing, you toss it into the metal canister. When you open them again, you see the flames already laying claim to the pages. 

And finally, for the first time, the story feels as though it isn’t yours anymore.

For the first time in months, you feel free.

read part ten here!

taglist:

@princessuki21 | @psyches-reid | @heybank | @avengersgirllorianna | @rrosiitas | @yourmumstoy | @jjsfavgirl | @void21 | @fictionalcomforts | @gsp420 | @redhead1180 | @wearemadeofstardust0 | @mrs-jjmaybank | @ifilwtmfc | @heybank | @lilyw1235 | @belle101200 | @maybankskiss | @lillell467 | please tell me if any tags aren't working - I've never done taglists before!

[darkstarofchaos]

Hello! Another person who is incredibly frustrated with redeemed Megatron.

Me and my friends have all voiced the exact same problems and that main being that we don't ever get the before him like at all. Hints here and there but for the most part NO ONE outside of the bad guys has any bad blood towards him.

I understand not every kid show needs to be these deep emotional epics but at the same time it's still weird to me that the Autobots, who have lost countless family and friends thanks specifically to the actions of Megatron and his followers, show no sort of lingering resentment. After all, the amount of time between the war ended and the beginning of the show would be like a few hours for beings that live for millions of years.

Having the Terrans would be a great excuse to have the devil's advocate angle when other Autobots still don't feel comfortable around him. I said the same thing in my own Starscream post too about how sometimes people can't change because those around them refuse to let them.

Megatron should've felt alienated from both sides and by him not falling back into old habits and committing to staying good would've actually proved that his redemption was warranted.

I'm not asking for it to take over the show, but these little background moments. Hell, Bumblebee's attitude would've been a little bit more tolerable if you were it was coming from a place of feeling slighted pissed that the cybertronian who more or less ruined his "childhood" (I've accepted that headcanon that any given Bumblebee is basically a former child soldier) is just walking free side to side with his mentor.

The sad thing is that the first couple episodes kinda show some hints of that? Like when Optimus gives his "Roll out" bit and Megatron tells Dot he's never sure if he means him, or Bumblebee being kinda wary when he tries to call Optimus and gets Megatron (also, Megatron's matter-of-fact recounting of how he kept his soldiers in line). It wasn't enough on its own, but they could have continued the trend to show most bots are wary of him at best, or even implied that the reason some Autobots don't show up much is because they don't want to be around him. It wouldn't have taken many changes to show Megatron as fairly isolated, with maybe one or two relationships that kept him from backsliding into his old ways (his friendship with Dot works better for me because 15 years is a long time for a human, and we know he saved her life at least once).

Honestly, I was ambivalent about his "redemption" in season 1? After Jawbreaker asked him about his altmode and it turned out all he had to do to get Optimus' trust was scan an Earth alt, I pretty much gave up on getting any meaningful backstory for him, so I was resigned to him just being Generic Ex-Decepticon (and then What Dwells Within happened and he finally felt like a Megatron trying to do better to me. Not just in his interactions with Starscream, but when he interacted with Optimus and Croft too: angry, wanting to do things his way, trying to do better but slipping into old habits. If he'd been more like that throughout the show, paired with the Autobots responding appropriately to him, I would have enjoyed his character a lot more).

And then Season 2 happened. And we went the "Starscream is worse than his abuser, actually" route. And now I'm like... This is everything I do not want from a Megatron redemption. The only thing I want from a Megatron redemption is for him to face what he did to the people closest to him. Every single Megatron redemption sees him running off somewhere and leaving the Decepticons to deal with the fallout of his war, and he never has to face the people he personally hurt. And when it comes to Starscream, it's almost treated like a good thing that he hurt him, because when Megatron isn't there to "keep him in check", he's worse than Megatron ever was. And then people roll their eyes and say "Starscream is always power hungry and evil, what do you expect?" while Armada Starscream is right there, and EarthSpark Starscream in Season 1 was a hell of a lot closer to Armada than to Cyberverse.

On his own, EarthSpark Megatron was boring and a waste of potential, but not especially offensive. Paired with Starscream, and specifically Starscream as he appeared in the final episode of the latest batch, he is possibly my least favorite part of EarthSpark right now. Not as a character, but as a concept. I like Megatron, but I have no use for a redeemed Megatron who still has to believe that he's better than Starscream, and be supported in that belief by the narrative. The early scene in S2 when Megatron tells Starscream to let the war end could have been a really good character moment, because we would see that there are still things he doesn't regret, and that he truly sees himself as better than Starscream (who isn't even the one to blame for the war's continuation - I firmly believe that, since the Decepticons were the ones being hunted and locked up, it falls to Megatron and the Autobots to prove that things can be different now. And if the war is continuing, it's almost certainly because Megatron and/or the Autobots fucked up).

But instead we get, "Yeah, Megatron thinks he's a better person than Starscream. And you know what? He's right." I am so done with the abuse apologetics.

[hyukalyptus]

hi hp!! did you know that orgasms could help reduce the feeling of menstrual cramps? 🤓

who among txt do you think would be most likely to… support you this way when you tell them you’re cramping :(

(totally not dealing with cramps right now nope 🤡)

- 🐳

hi!! omg im sorry its been a few days since u sent this in, hopefully ur feeling ok!

but omg! i wrote something about this on my old blog before it got permanently flagged. lemme see if i can find it~

ok..it was LONG long, so i cut it down~ shout out to @peachanonie for the thought in my inbox the first place :}

cw. periods, period sex, cunnilingus on period, period blood, everything about periods, sex toys, penetration (protection not mentioned), pet names (baby), TMI about my personal preferences lmfao.

peach: BEOMGYU!! i think he’d be a bit into bloodplay…. like the idea of it at least. but poor baby wouldn’t like the idea of hurting u like that so he’d never actually indulge cus it’s scary to him :( but! when he reads online somewhere that orgasms can be really good for periods… baby boy gets so curious

keeps reading and finds out ppl get extra sensitive when on their period too and he gets so 😳

at that point it’s just a matter of brining it up to u cus he’s a little shy when it comes to this stuff. tried to gently suggest it next time ur on ur period by hinting at it a bunch “did you know orgasms have a lot of benefits while on your period?” side eyeing you to see ur reaction LMAO he’s so cute.

but ofc ur not dumb and u see exactly what he’s doing… how cute he’d look while u tease him and make him feel small under u while u press kisses to his jaw and sweetly whisper how much you’d love to be pleasured by him if he wants to

as soon as he gets the okay, he’s practically jumping on you. starting at ur boobs and showing them LOTTTTSSSSS of love cus he knows how sensitive ur nipples get on ur period 🤭 wants to hear ur pretty noises so so bad so he doesn’t let up til he can’t take the excitement of eating u out ok ur period any longer.

makes sure everything is clean and prepared for a mess lol and then he GOES TO TOWNNNN. like i think as soon as he sees ur pretty pussy dripping with a mixture of period blood and arousal, he’d be fuckin floored and would dive straight for your clit (knowing it’ll pull the loudest moan out of u). and as soon as he actually TASTES you? instantly humping the bed. i think he’d cum in his pants quite quickly too 😭 poor baby just thinks u taste too good :( it’d turn him on so much. and with how hard you clench around his tongue, mixed with the taste of u in this state, i think he’d even maybe cum twice…… cus i know he’d be going at it for a looooooong time. just wanting to make u feel good and ease ur stress during this painful week :(

and when he finally lets up, he looks up at u with pretty little doe eyes, asking if u feel better and your heart just SWELLS at the sight of him. chin covered in ur release n blood, so so pretty for u….

already has a damp towel ready on the bedside table to clean u both up. and don’t expect him to fuck u after. no no no. all he wants is for you to gently stroke his cock while you lovingly make out, laying facing each other, til he whimpers into ur mouth that he’s cumming. pls pls PLS cuddle him to sleep, he wants to fall asleep with his head in ur chest :( and don’t even think abt getting dressed LOL u can wear underwear if u want cus ur on ur period but he will NOT allow you to get too hot in the night and ruin ur much needed sleep during such a stressful week for u! (it’s totally not because he wants to have a faceful of ur soft bare breasts to fall asleep to)

waking up the next morning to see a sleepy gyu with bed head and pajama pants laying out plates of pancakes for you both is honestly the best part.

service bf beomgyu is my weakness 😔

-🍑

me: ...peach. peach. PEACH. im in shambles. literally trying to think of anything to add lmao. but...this is soooo beomgyu.

i can totally see y'all sittin on the couch together and he's just scrollin thru his phone and ur just kinda groaning and he asks u what's up. you tell him ur on ur period and cramps are esp bad that day.

and he's like "...i read orgasms can kinda help w that..." and tries being as nonchalant as he can, but u catch on lmao. AND MAYBE! bc i see beomgyu's partner being a lil cheeky—you decide to tease him urself.

"oh ya? i think i heard that somewhere too..." nd u giggle just a bit, hopping off the couch, takin out ur tampon/cup lol, and returning w a lil vibrator. u bend over, ass toward him, slippin off ur pj shorts and he's just o.O then u plop back down, legs spread, spreadin ur lips a bit nd he sees u all wet and a bit bloody...speechless. u wanna tease urself, wanting his tongue to be the first thing that touches ur clit to get that "first touch" moan you know what i mean so u just switch it on, the sound of it alone makin u wet. and u kinda just rub it around your pussy for a bit, but he can't take his eyes off u.

"awe, jealous of my vibrator, baby?" and he just swallows and stutters a bit before he takes over and does everytHING

but i definitely need to write hcs for all of them!!!!!!!!! AAAAHHHH kicking nd squealing bc—my thing (TMI ALERT!!!) with period sex is i like penetration on my period. and i love seeing the bottom of my booty just barely covered in blood afterward. it literally makes me hnnggg. so just thinkin about yj takin someone from behind on their period, booty a lil bit red AH crying ><

[pedrisbanana]

Maybe Gavi fucking reader while she wears his home kit?

Your favourite number is 6...

Enjoy 🍌

6avi

You smiled when you saw the gift on top of the duvet of your bed. 

His new jersey. The golden 6 seemed to sparkle in the sunlight. You were so proud of him, being only 18 but already having LaLiga at his feet. 

Brushing through your tangled strands with your hairbrush you started to think of your boyfriend. He was everything to you. 

After braiding your hair, you moisturized with the body lotion Gavi had gifted you. He loved the smell of rose petal on your skin. Whenever you used it, he left more pecks on your neck than usual, which you enjoyed. 

The thought of Pablo's plush lips made you sigh. They were always rosy and soft, like a pillow. 

He was obsessed with chapstick, always keeping one in the pocket of his jeans. When he was nervous, he often reapplied it over and over again. His lips were your favourite body part of him.

The material of the jersey felt rough against your freshly showered body. It scratched on your  nipples, hardened from the warm Barcelona air flowing through the apartment. 

You turned in front of the mirror, trying to catch at glimpse of what his new number looked like on you.

"Mi vida... dancing around my apartment like that. Dios, me vuelves loco." your boyfriends voice was a melody in your ears.

The short brunette touched your arms, creating deep eye contact. You drowned in his chocolate eyes. It's like you were still freshly in love with him.

"Thank you so much for the nice present" you leaned forward to peck his cheek, purposely teasing. 

Gavi smirked, hands now feeling up your hips to the underside of your breasts. 

"It was rather a gift for me, amor. I'm gonna fuck you in this, so every time I put my jersey on before a match, I will remember you begging me to make you come." 

His words had your panties ruined. 

"I hope so" you sang, leaning into his touch.

"Mmmh I love the way you smell" Gavi's nose buried in your neck, inhaling, lips nipping at the base of your throat. 

You moaned his name as his hand encircled your waist, the other finding its way into your panties. As your hips bucked, you could feel his hardness through his grey sweatpants. Gavi's thumb found your needy clit. 

"Patience, munieca." 

Your hands pushed his shirt up, nails teasing the muscles of his six pack. He let you go, so you could take his shirt off. Gavi gave you no time to admire his fit upper body, because he lifted you up and carried you to the bed. 

"As much as I love your pretty face, I want to see my name on your back while I fuck you, mi hermosa." he said while discarding your panties, throwing them somewhere behind him. 

"How do you want me to move ?" you asked, biting your lip. 

Your boyfriend moved beside you, hands on your hips. His lips once again finding your cheek and neck. 

"Take my cock, facing the mirror. I know you love seeing how much of a slut you are for me." 

With a quick slap on your ass, he got comfortable leaning against the pillows. You watched as he removed his sweatpants, erection slapping against his stomach. The sight had your core pulsing and clenching. 

Gavi stroked himself slowly, using his precum as lubricant to prepare for you. He called your name, patting his thigh. 

Your wetness stained your inner thighs as you crawled over to him. The midfielder helped you settle on his muscular thighs, guiding his cock inside of you. 

He felt so deep from this angle, your back to his chest, his breath in your neck. You thought you could feel his heartbeat.

One of his hands found your breasts under the striped shirt, teasing and pulling at the nipples. The other hand cupping you in between your legs, his thumb continued drawing circles on your most sensitive spot. 

Putting your weight forward, you started to move your hips, earning a hiss from Gavi. 

"You feel so big. I can barely take it." you moaned, seeing yourself moving up and down your boyfriends dick, made you clench. 

Gavi started to meet your movements. His fingers played you like an instrument, building up the anticipated pressure in your lower stomach. 

"You're mine, mi amor." The hand stimulating your breast left and you felt Pablo redraw the letters of his nickname on your back. "Forever"

Turning your head, trying to look at him, he kissed you feverishly. This made you clench even harder, moaning his name into his mouth. You came, riding your orgasm out on his manhood. 

Gavi watched you enjoy yourself on him, circling your pulsing clit, while you leaned your head on his shoulder. He was about to guide your hips again, when you stopped him. 

Slowly removing his still hard length from your pussy, you turned around. Your tongue darted out to lick your arousal from his shaft to his tip. 

The groan he let out, encouraged you to take him between your lips. Puckering them to a tight ring around him, you slowly dragged them down, taking him further in your mouth. 

His hand tangled in your hair, hips thrusting up to meet your mouth. Gavi groaned inaudible spanish mixed with your name. Your hand took a handful of his balls and massaged them. 

Seeing you wearing his name and newly assigned number, while drooling all over his cook, sucking him greedily, sent Gavi over the edge. He held your head down, so you'd swallow everything he would give you. 

Your face was flushed and lips swollen. Pablo reached out and wiped remains of his cum from the corner of your mouth. 

"I think you need another shower, amor." your sweet boyfriend helped you take his now sweaty jersey off. 

"Will you help me ? I think I'm a little sore." you confessed, pulling the hem of the shirt to cover up. 

Gavi pecked your lips, pulling you into a warming hug. He was ever so loving and passionate.

"Of course, I'll spoil my princesa all she wants." 

With that he helped you get up and you two tapped to the shower. 

You never wanted Gavi to let you go.

A/N: Y'all gonna hate me for this but Gavi 9 >>> Gavi 6

He's just too cute for a 6.

I love Possession kink tropes yay. Leave me some love 🍌

[yoke9494]

Why not me? (Draken)

Wattpad Request (AU-ish)

*Smut

Read pt.2 here.

*Hurt no comfort.(Don't have much experience with it. Sorry if it's bad.)

*We love Emma around here! But not in this one..

---------------------------------------

"Are you sure? I mean-- don't think I'm like that but I can always ask someone else? One of the girls?.. You're just someone I trust y'know..."

You shook your head. "No it's okay. I-- I think it'll be better with a girl your age? Besides, I trust you too so.."

Those deep dark eyes stared into yours. Draken was so handsome. Did he find you pretty? Beautiful? You'd never know..

Those words only came out when he talked about someone else. Emma..

Emma. Emma. Emma.

That was the only female he ever talked about. A soft blush would spread on his cheeks, he'd smile from ear to ear.. The way his eyes lit up, small hearts replacing his pupils.. His eyes never did that around you.. He never blushed when your name was brought up.

Why not you? You've known Draken since, well forever. You both had this bond.

You see, both your mother's abandoned you- You both grew up together and took care of one another. The brothel was your home-- You were his "family" but he was your everything..

You were inseparable! Hip attached to hip. Peas in a snuggly little pod.

It felt as if a relationship slowly began to grow. Sleepovers in the same bed, you'd wake up to Draken holding you.. When you both went out in public he'd hold your hand to keep you close. That was a thing you did in a relationship right?! Maybe next week you'd find an excuse to kiss his cheek.

Maybe you'd find the courage to tell him how you really felt?

But that kiss never came.. That confession stayed with you.

Why? You may ask..

Well, Emma came into the picture... And your Draken was gone. He wasn't yours anymore..

The excuses to no longer be around you began to pour in..

"Oh, sorry Y/n. Emma invited me to see that movie already."

"Sorry can't make it. Emma wants me to go shopping with her."

"See ya. I'm going to Mikey's to see him and hopefully Emma."

"You like my shirt? I know it's not my usual color, but Emma got it for me. I hate my other clothes now." (*You helped him pick most of them out..*)

"Emma wants me to stay away from junk food. Have fun at the new restaurant though!"

"... You can't go with me. Emma thinks its weird we hang out so much. I can't ruin my chance with her.. You understand right?"

"I think we should stop being friends.. The only woman I should be focused on is Emma.."

After that it seemed like he was avoiding you every chance he could. Even going as far as moving into another room far away from yours.

Which is why you were surprised when Draken showed up at your door in the middle of the night. It's been months since you've talked to him. Not even a small "hi" here and there when you passed one another in the brothels halls.

You usually just got a cold stare over his shoulder..

But Draken looked different.. Sad? He stood there for a good while just staring at you.

"I need your help."

This is where you turn him away. Treat him the way he's been twords you. Tell him you only help out friends who wouldn't abandon you over another female!

But Of course.. The sad excuse you had for a heart didn't let you.

Anything for him. He looked so lost? Scared? You didn't hesitate to let him into your room. You missed him so much..

But the words that left his mouth. Those words felt like a million needles to your heart.

"I kissed Emma today. She didn't say I was a bad kisser... But the look on her face-- She looked disappointed-"

He rambled on..

But you couldn't help but think-- Even if he was a bad kisser you'd never tell him about it. You'd enjoy anything he'd want to do with you. You'd teach him, he'd teach you.. you'd learn together.

Your ears were beginning to ring. You nearly told him to get out.

Emma. Emma. Emma.

Did he realize he was just happily ripping out your heart? Oh these next words stung like a million pieces of glass cutting into your chest.

"She wants to take it further. She wants to-- Y'know... Have sex?.. I'm scared."

Oh you knew. And you were going to be sick! You could understand the nerves, but you couldn't understand the fear? You weren't supposed to be scared of sex when you were with someone you supposedly loved.. Why couldn't he see that?

Draken continued. "What if I'm not good at it? She might not want to be my girlfriend if I'm not good at it. I need help, that's why I'm here. I don't want to be a lonely loser all my life--"

Again! What about you?! You were right here in front of him! Even if he was bad at it, you'd still enjoy it because it was him! You love him. You'd learn together... It's not like you were an expert but practice makes perfect right?

You'd cherish it...

"Can I practice with you? I know it's probably gross of me to ask cause you're-- you?  But you're the only girl I trust.-- besides Emma."

+++++++++++

You should have said no.. But that heart shaped lense over your eyes fogged your brain. You wanted him to be your first, you wanted him to take your everything..

For a second you really felt like he wanted to be here with you. That he wanted the same..

His hands were gentle against your skin. His lips soft against yours.. He groaned into your mouth while he laid between your legs and rutted his hard length into your cunt.

He was rubbing against your clit, making your poor underwear a wet sticky mess. He was sloppy with no rhythm but because it was Draken. You almost came either way..

But he seemed to have gotten bored.

It only took a second as he finally yanked your panties off. You swore you heard a choked moan get caught in his throat when he used his thumbs to spread you open.

You were getting a little flustered at his staring.. What was he thinking?

-- the sight was beautiful to him...

Even though it was dark in your room. The only light coming from a small fish tank you had in the corner. He could see how wet you were, already dripping down to your bed sheets.

Was it all for him? Because of him?

He knew you were untouched, always saying you were waiting for someone special... But Emma was already experienced. She didn't need all the so called prep right?

So neither did you..

You really wished you would have known that he wasn't seeing YOU right now. Maybe if you got it into his head that you weren't Emma, it would be different? He'd be gentle?

But it was too late..

Before you knew it your legs were thrown over his shoulder and he was lining himself up to your entrance.

"Draken--"

It hurt. But you couldn't help but force yourself to think that it was okay... You should have spoken up if it wasn't. You're safe, he wouldn't hurt you on purpose..

You almost felt relieved when he leaned down to kiss you. To distract you from the pain as he bullied the rest of himself into you.

You felt his thumbs wiped away your tears before his lips left yours to kiss them away.

You felt the heat pool in the pit of your stomach as Draken groaned from your tightness.

"You feel so good Emma.."

But that wasn't your name, you weren't Emma.

But that didn't matter. It was for him..

Draken began to move when you let out a choked whine. He mistook the sound of hurt feelings for a sound of eagerness, of want..

His cock slowly dragged in and out of your entrance. Almost fully unsheathed before he shoved himself all the way back in. His thighs met your ass with a sticky *plop* over and over again.

At first he had no rhythm once again but quickly started getting the hang of it.

You moaned his name though you felt nothing. You wanted to feel him the way he felt you. But you just couldn't-- doesn't it start feeling good after a while?

His moans were low and deep. They almost tricked you into thinking you were his, that he wanted you.

If he was seeing you, you had no doubt that his sounds alone would send you over the edge.

"I love you Emma."

You weren't Emma! But you still sucked in a breath. "I love you too.."

He began to speed up and you forced your face into the pillows. Praying that he was too lost in his pleasure to see you cry.

"Fuck Emma."

His thumb found your sticky clit. You felt a small sense of pleasure as he made lazy circles around your nub. He was dragging out your pleasure for you..

This wasn't right.

Your back arched and it caused his hips to shift. Your eyes rolled when his cock hit that sensitive spot deep inside you.

See, you were learning together.

"You like that Emma? Your griping me so tight now."

Gods you wished he would shut up already. Did she like hearing her name this much?! Was she that conceded? Or was he just obsessed?

He was yours first.. it should be your name he repeats like a prayer.. It should be your name that gets stuck in his head like a favorite song..

Draken was stunned when he felt your soft hands harshly push against his chest. He was shoved out of you and his oncoming high was ruined..

Did he hurt you?-- for a second he actually saw you.. Did he hurt his friend--

He made a small noise when he was thrown on his back. Biting his lower lip when you slowly crawled on top of him.

But the heart shaped lenses that covered his own eyes changed what was in front of him. Your hair turned into a beautiful blonde, your eyes turned into the same yellow doe ones that made him weak.. Your face changed into the one he was doing all this for.

He pushed the feeling of this being all wrong into the pit of his stomach as you slowly slid down on his dick.

The room was filled with the sticky *splat* of your pleasure that slicked up his length and abdomen.

Your mouth slack as you threw your head back and used him for your own enjoyment.

' Emma you look so beautiful like this.. '

He didn't voice his words this time. Something told him it was wrong to do so.

"Oh fuck."

His words were low and husky as his fingernails dug into the soft flesh of your thighs. He wasn't sure what you had done just now but the way you bounced and scooted on his cock made his toes curled and a shock of pleasure raced up his spine.

He swore the sounds you were making were going to be the end of him. He could feel himself getting hotter the louder you got.

You were going too fast now. He wanted to watch you use him forever. His high hit him so fast that he had his heels digging into the mattress, teeth bared, and eyes going white.

Your name almost came out of his mouth. The first syllable! But he quickly caught himself-- "Emma.."

----------------

What was there to say? How do you look at one another now.

It was a mistake.

You hid your face as he changed into his clothes. You choked down the tears--

You were going to tell him. You needed to tell him that you loved him with your entire being. That if he'd just give your relationship a chance you'd move mountains for him.

Draken turned to you with regret in his eyes. His mouth opened and closed due to his phone ringing..

You could already tell who it was. The light in his eyes reappeared and he smiled for the first time since coming here.

"It's Emma!-- I gotta go."

He turned with blushed cheeks. (That blush wasn't for you.,) "Thanks-- I mean, you're really a great friend. But that's all you are, this isn't going to make it weird right?"

You heart was completely gone-- Too much hurt that it felt like you flat lined.. That it had dried to dust and blew away..

All you could do was nod as he left out the door..

Your room was so cold now. Even the tears in your eyes felt like ice racing down your cheeks. Your body felt dirty as you sat in the middle of your bed-- the blankets you were wrapped up in needed to be burned!

Why was it so easy for him to hurt you! He didn't love you! Stop loving him!

Please stop loving him....

You let out a muffled scream into your pillow. Wishing you could just drown in your tears that soaked the cotton.

........................

[blackdollette]

i wanna see plus size gf reader and euro. like one of his band mates r hanging out at a small get together (it's basically like an after party. so everyones high and/or drunk) and euros very much into pda when hes under the influence so he makes a little motion at his girlfriend for her to sit in his lap. and one of the guys is like "oo.. careful, euro. dont want her to break you." and euro can see she gets a little upset and moves back to her spot on the floor and euro is NOT having that. he isnt the most affectionate lover but he doesnt want her to ever feel bad about her having some extra cushion. so hes just like "you wouldn't know what to do with all that woman anyways, fucking virgin."

and if ur in a smutty mood maybe when they get home and he sees shes still upset he has her staring into the mirror and its pretty rare for him to do this.. but he eats her out and has her stare at her body in the mirror. and then when it hits the main course hes praising her body non stop. "fuck, baby. love the way your tits bounce like that" "yeah let that ass jiggle on me, slut" "thats a good fucking girl, nobody could handle these fucking thighs like i can" etc 🤭

yall are too good with there requests 😩

"the shape of my body." | euronymous

a&w. - lana del rey

female!reader x euronymous

word count: 1213

contents: bodyshaming, self harm (a little), oral (f receiving), p in v, unprotected sex

after his show, you and the rest of his band made your way to the den, getting ready for the afterparty of his biggest show yet. as soon as you arrived, the drinking and partying began. euronymous and his bandmates were drinking, smoking and having a good time, but you were just hanging out in a corner trying not to be seen.

he noticed this as he sat down on the couch, a beer bottle in his hand. you catch his stare as he looks you in the eyes from a far. then he gestures for you to come sit with him, or rather on him. you couldn’t help but smile as you made your way to him. you liked it when he was affectionate, and it seemed like you were going to get a lot of affection tonight.

you perched yourself on his lap, him instantly pulling you into him with a big smile on his face. then your heard laughter from two of his bandmates. you didn’t think anything of it until you saw one making a circular shape with his hands. it was happening again. one whispered something into the other ear, making him bark out a laugh.

then he walked up to euronymous, sitting on the couch beside him. he had an annyoing little smirk on his face. “careful there, big girl. you wouldn’t wanna break our guitarist’s lap, would you?” the rest of the members burst into laughter. you felt tears pricking your eyes as you slipped off of his lap and pulled your skirt over your thighs.

euronymous shot them all a glare so strong that it could sear off skin. “you’re saying that like you’ve ever felt the touch of a woman. other than your mother, that is. and even she won’t let you suck on her tits anymore.” the room went silent, apart from a few more laughs from a few other guys.

euronymous tried reaching out to touch you, but you pushed him away. you were silent for the rest of the night, keeping your head down and not looking up for even a second. you looked at your thighs, cursing every cell in your body for making you look this way. euronymous couldn’t help but look at you as your eyes filled with tears. he wanted to get you out of there.

so you and him walked out, driving back home. you didn’t say a single word the whole drive. one little comment had completely ruined the night for you, and all you wanted to do was disappear. you rushed into the washroom, turning on the tap to cover the sound of you crying. you undressed, looking at your body in the mirror.

you poked and pressed different parts of yourself, feeling more miserable by the second. you wondered why euronymous was even dating you anyway. you heard everything that his “friends” said behind his back about you, and it made your heart ache. you filled the bathtub with boiling hot water before getting in, wincing as the temperature made your skin burn.

after a long bath, you stepped out of the bathroom, your eyes red from crying for so long. you walked into the bedroom, meeting euronymous who was sat down on the edge of the bed. as you entered, he stood up and grabbed the towel that you were wrapped in, throwing it to the ground. you were about to protest when he suddenly wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into a much needed hug.

you felt your eyes welling up once again. you didn’t think he’d care this much about how much that comment had hurt you, but he surprised you everyday. then he pushed you to the bed, right by the mirror and made you lay down. you followed his order, not really knowing what to expect. then he spread your legs apart, seeing your little pussy right there.

you gasped quietly, the mood changing in an instant. he buried his face in between your legs as he started hungrily sucking on your clit, rubbing your thighs as they started to shake. your moans quickly became uncontrollable as he licked every inch of your sweet little pussy. he began tongue fucking you, reaching a hand up to start playing with your tits.

he moaned into your pussy as he sucked it, telling you how beautiful you were and how you were the only person he would ever truly love. he felt your pussy throbbing on his tongue, signalling your climax. he inserted two fingers, quickly moving them in and out of your tight hole. you screamed as the pleasure in your body grew.

you saw him moving his hips a little, trying to get some movement against his painfully hard cock. you started gripping the bedsheets as he sucked on every single part of your pussy. you put your hand in his hair as you came all over is tongue. he licked up every last drop of it, wiping his mouth after and smiling at you.

he pulled you off of the bed as he laid down, taking your place. he unbuckled his belt and pulled out his aching cock. you already got the message. you crawled on top of him, your legs on either side of his. he grabbed your hips and lowered you onto his cock, feeling your tight walls clenching around him.

a long groan emerged from him as you started moving up and down. he sat up, not being able to resist seeing your beautiful tits bouncing in front of him like that. he took one in his mouth, sucking on it like his life depended on it. “such perfect tits, baby… so fucking pretty…” he used his other hand to pinch your nipple, making you squirm.

your eyes filled with tears as you felt yourself reaching a second orgasm. you felt his cock throbbing inside of you. it was taking all his willpower not to cum right there. then he pulled out of you for a moment, needing to catch his breath. he gave you a soft kiss before speaking in a breathless voice. “turn around for me, baby. wanna watch that ass bounce on my cock.”

you spun around and started riding him in reverse cowgirl, and his noises quickly filled the room. his hand grabbed your ass as it moved on him. the sight was irresistible to him and he couldn’t old back any longer. “just wanna cum all over your perfect ass…” he started pushing his hips into you, wanting to make you cum once more before he did.

you threw your head back as you felt an orgasm nearing once again. your milky liquid flooded down his cock, the sound of your wetness becoming louder and louder. he quickly pulled out of you and stroked himself quickly, cumming all over your ass with a low groan. he painted you with his cum, loving the piece of artwork that was in front of him.

he watched as your pussy dripped with your cum. he turned you back around and pulled you onto him, capturing you in a long kiss. then he looked deep into your eyes, looking kind for the first time in his life. “you’re perfect, darling. absolutely beautiful.”

author's note: i didnt mean for this to be so long, but i rlly loved writing it :)) im literally shaking i cant believe im starting university tomorrow :(( wish me luck, yall!

[thecherrytarot]

𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 :

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

pick the pile that you feel the most drawn to and please remember that this a general reading so take whatever resonates!! make sure to check out my other works!

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

your future self wants to tell you, "the storm is over. we survived and now you just have to be strong enough to take that responsibility and move forward because now you have nowhere to go but up. there may be times when you don't feel so sure of the path that you are taking but trust yourself and learn to take authority over your actions and decisions. dealing with the aftermath will be hard but I trust you, I trust myself that we will be able to make it."

The 'storm' whatever it was for you  (getting a strong message of leaving a toxic family/ relationship) has left you with some trauma but your future self wants you to tell that it's gone and the sun is shining again. Some of you, you may have felt trapped in a certain situation and it was draining you, you didn't have any control over your decisions. You are advised to set certain firm boundaries because only then do you feel secure. Also, speak up for yourself because when you don't, you are giving others a sign that tells them they can take control of your life and its direction. there is no need to crumble away, things will change when you bring the change.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

your future self wants to tell that, "notice any recurring signs or symbols you are receiving and be aware. don't be foolish and listen to your gut instinct. don't waste your time and focus on your goals. bring structure and meaning into your goals and dreams. stop living in your head so much and go out and understand how the world works around you and beyond that. soon it will be time for you to be an adult so practice some discipline for yourself, stop with the procrastination, and don't spend too much money, especially on the things that aren't even needed just because it looks pretty doesn't mean that we have to get it, eat properly and be healthy, study and work hard, we'll see each other after the doom and gloom is gone."

Some of you might be in university or starting university or feel like the path to new beginnings is blocked for you. You might have trouble seeing the world with "fresh eyes". I keep getting this energy that the majority of the people that selected this are teens or in their early 20s trying to find a new mature way of looking at life (moving out to go to college or something and learning to live on your own) but feeling like they are somehow failing. Don't worry your future self wants to tell you that the answers will be found within you and the Universe is providing you with clues in the form of recurring signs. You might have to broaden your horizon and move towards your dreams. When I was writing the message it felt like the experienced version (your future self) was giving the inexperienced version (your current self) a long overdue reality check (very earth sign energy, Capricorn, Taurus, and Virgo). They want you to have some discipline in your life so that it will be easy for you to take responsibility and find your strengths and limitations.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

your future self wants to tell you that "put your creativity into your work. don't be afraid and no you are not an 'imposter' anyone can be creative. Do them because you want them with happiness and affection, and don't let materialism and capitalism ruin your art that represents your attitude and approach when you look at things. this passive energy will not help us so have the courage and we'll be able to go through this rough period that you are currently in. step out of the shadow and come back into the light. Everything is going to be okay."

many of you could be struggling financially (bills, debts etc) and you might be afraid that you might face bankruptcy. You may have gone and followed your passion as your profession and now you may feel like maybe going for a traditional 9 - 5 would have been better for you and for some of you, you are afraid that something like this will happen to you. you may often question yourself "Why is this happening to me?". Your future self is here to tell you that you will be going through a personal transformation no matter how much you try to avoid and deny it. After this, worries will slowly start to fade away. There is hope and even though you might feel like there isn't any right now don't need to worry, the Universe will make all things grow with the power of gentle patience, at the right time. Do not fear what is changing right now.

Take care and have a nice day!!

[thoughtfulhog]

Me when uh- when someone wants to hear my ideas so i uh so i:

C'mon! Just give me villain headcannons that aren't Doofenshmirtz or Megamind!

[loopy777]

So im so glad i never succeeded in getting you into Dragon Age. If i had, you would have gotten into it just as it had it's batman and Robin and burned it's entire franchise to the ground.

Its bad. Really, really bad.

It basically did a soft reboot, by burning down half the setting's continent, to ashes by killing off all the places and cultures that the first 3 games explored OFFSCREEN with no fanfare or drama to it, in favor of the far more boring north that nobody cared about.

All so that if there was gonna be a DA 5, the series would not have to deal with the player's choices from the first 3 games(which has always been carry overs from game to game), and instead get to explore newer and fresher parts of thedas as opposed to the boring south we actually cared about.

It also killed off Varric Tethras, One of the most beloved video game characters of all time, all so it could have a boring "he was actually dead all along" twist.

And it ditched it's very dark but heroic fantasy story with hard, grey morality and tough choices, for the tone of a bland, boring, safe linear action story.

Also the series was once a relatively grounded if magical setting alike to Fullmetal alchemist or avatar, and it is now everyone might as well have superpowers, and everything is goofy.

Also, ALL the Lore and questions we ever had, short of wheter the Dragon Age God actually exists, was answered in the most boring, bland manner, with no sense of drama or stakes, and everything was spelled out.

And to top it all of, at the end, it's retconned that everything in the last 3 games were all set up by a secret evil cabal that controlled everything from the shadows, that were a very vague couple of factions from the previous, deep lore that has not been given any depth or exploration to such a point that either were particularily important, nor that they were one and the same(They seemed as far removed as humanly possible).

The game has been received about as well by Dragon Age's 14+ million fanbase as you could imagine, struggling to break even 1 million sales(it would need at least 4-5 million to break even much less make a profit).

Sorry to rant about this out of nowhere, im just glad you made the choice to NOT get involved with this franchise.

It's basically Attack on titan's ending all over again. The franchise's future is dead, all the mysteries were revealed in the stupidest ways, and nothing you did ever fucking mattered.

Huh. Well, I'm grateful you let me know about this, because it had not been on my radar at all, but I knew there was a lot of worry about this new entry given how coy the advertising was being about the actual content of the game. It's good to see how it all turns out, at least.

That said, I'm also not surprised. By now, Bioware surely can't be Bioware at all anymore, and while I bounced off KotOR pretty hard and never tried any of their other games, I know they had been a distinct brand with a built-in fanbase. EA can't just buy the name and keep people loyal while replacing the entire feel of the thing.

They should have waited for the original creators to fall from grace and ruin the feel of their own thing themselves, like Disney did with Star Wars after George Lucas already started devaluing it. XD

(Or maybe EA did? I know Mass Effect end in a way that killed off its fandom, but I don't know if the original Bioware made that one or if they were already a soulless puppet.)

But maybe EA will get lucky and some near-sighted grandmothers will buy this new DA as a Christmas present, thinking it's the new Baldur's Gate. I hear the kids really like that one.

[reddorkredemption]

My Blessed Son—Chapter 19

|| AO3 || Chapter List / Story Info ||  

Summary:

For years, Jack Marston dreamed of killing Edgar Ross, the man who had taken everything from him, who had ruined his life. His obsession with revenge had given him a reason to keep going. But now, after it was done, he was left lost, depressed and without purpose. He was left to navigate life alone with the unforgiving eyes of the law slowly narrowing in on him. Though he soon comes to realize that perhaps he isn’t quite as alone as he thought he would be. A continuation from the end of Red Dead Redemption 1.

Word count: ~10.3k

Quick warning: this chapter touches pretty heavily on Jack’s trauma & grief, so if you’re sensitive to those things, please tread lightly and take care of yourself. <3

Chapter under the cut <3

Jack bounced his leg up and down, rhythmically shaking the dining room chair he was sitting in, no doubt scuffing up the wooden floor underneath him. His mother always hated when he’d do that, and he could hear the ghost of her voice in his head scolding him for it. The thought made his knee still, and he took to tapping his foot instead. 

He was leaning forward against the table, his elbows propped up as his fingers fiddled with the little bracelet of flowers Lilly had given him a few days prior. Gently, as if it were the most valuable yet fragile thing in the world, he turned it in his hands, running his thumb along one of the tiny, wilted petals.

It had definitely seen better days, and as he examined it, he wished he had kept it somewhere safer— somewhere more conducive to its preservation than the cold, hard wood of his bedside table. The color of the flowers had dulled, and the edges of the leaves along the stem were turning brown and crunchy. 

But despite the thing’s rapid deterioration, Jack couldn’t bring himself to throw it out. Lilly had given it to him, and he loved her.

He loved her. 

Ever since that night by the chicken coop, that thought had been replaying in his head nonstop. It was hard to focus on anything else. And he had no idea what to do about it. He didn’t know how to talk to Lilly normally anymore, how to look her in the eye when his heart stampeded in his chest every time he saw her. 

He hoped she hadn’t noticed his change in demeanor, and if she did, he hoped that she wouldn’t ask about it. Because what would he say? How could he possibly begin to tell her how he felt when he hardly understood it himself? 

He had no experience with this kind of thing— he couldn’t even form a friendship with anyone growing up, let alone anything more than that. And beyond the cheesy romances he’d read in his books, he had nothing to draw on for guidance and no one to ask for help. 

Well, maybe not nothing. Uncle— completely unprompted— had told him plenty of things. Things that would’ve gotten the old man skinned alive if Jack’s mother had overheard them. Things that should never be repeated, much less applied to his relationship with Lilly. She didn’t deserve to be thought of in that way. No one did. So none of that was of any use. In fact, Jack was sure he’d be better off never having heard it at all. 

His parents were gone, and even when they were still around, they had never broached the subject with him. Maybe because he’d never brought it up, they assumed he didn’t have any interest in it.

And in a way, they’d be right. Before now— before he met Lilly— falling in love was never something he thought much about, and in the rare instances it did cross his mind, he’d always concluded that it would never happen to him. Love was for other people; it was for the characters in his books. Not for him. He wasn’t the type.

At least, he thought he wasn’t…. 

The sound of the back door swinging open startled him back to the present, and he closed his fist around the flowers in his hand, grimacing as he felt a leaf crunch against his palm. He tried to collect himself and act natural as Lilly entered the room, but the way his heart jumped when he saw her didn’t make it easy. 

She came to the table, a spring in her step and a bright grin plastered across her face, threatening to melt his heart entirely. “You’ll never guess what I found,” she said, slapping her palms down on the table. Before he could even attempt a guess, she continued, “I found Chickpea.”

Chickpea— the name of one of the hens that went missing after the coyote attack. “Really?” He slid the fist clutching the flowers off the table, slowly so as not to draw attention, and rested it in his lap.

Lilly nodded. “She was hidin’ out in the barn— God knows how she got in there. She’s really shaken up and has a big chunk of feathers missing, but she’s still alive.”

“Oh,” he said, the mere mention of the barn making his stomach turn. Of course the chicken was in there. The one place he’d never dare to check. Swallowing his unease, he forced a smile. “That’s good.”

“Yeah. That means we only lost two of ‘em— less than half.” She put her hands on her hips, and her grin widened. “Things are back to looking up again. I can feel it.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so,” she countered, pulling out a chair on the opposite side of the table and sitting down. “The place is looking great; there’s barely anything left we have to fix up…”

Jack’s smile became a bit more genuine as she carried on, speaking about all they’d accomplished around the ranch. Her unwavering optimism was infectious, whether he considered it to be realistic or not. 

As she moved on to talk about the work they still had left to do, Jack felt himself getting lost in his head again, his subconscious only picking up small bits and pieces of what she was saying. His eyes drifted down to her lips, to the dimples that graced her cheeks as she smiled, to the missing button near the top of her shirt and the small sliver of skin that showed through the gap it left.

What if he told her how he felt right now?— just blurted it out right here in the middle of her rambling. How would she react? What would she say? Would she think he’s some kind of creep or would she feel the same way? She had to be here with him for a reason, right? And that reason had always been a mystery to him. For a moment, he dared to think that it might be because she did feel the same.

But as always, the cynical part of his brain had to chime in to crush that idea. It told him that she may only be putting up with him to keep a roof over her head. Back when he invited her to the ranch, she was practically destitute; she was days away from being forced to be one of the saloon or hotel’s working girls. Maybe she’d just decided that staying with Jack was the lesser evil. 

Although, if that were the case, it wouldn’t make much sense for her to stick around through all the trouble with the bureau. Surely, she would’ve left by now….

Jack was pulled out of his thoughts when he noticed that Lilly had suddenly stopped talking. He refocused on her face, his heart sinking to his stomach when she looked back at him expectantly, as if she’d asked him a question.

He swallowed hard and glanced off to the side, his mind racing to come up with some generic answer. He couldn’t admit that he hadn’t been listening to her; she’d think he was an asshole, or worse, she’d ask what exactly it was that had him so distracted.

As the seconds ticked by without a word from him, she asked, “Does that sound good?”

Some of his panic faded. She’d thrown him a lifeline: a simple yes or no question. But did what sound good? What had she been talking about before he zoned out? Something about the ranch, something about cleaning….

“Jack?” she prodded gently.

“Uh, yeah,” he blurted out. “Sure. That sounds fine.”

She eyed him for a moment, an inquisitive look on her face. “Okay. Great,” she said, though she didn’t sound all too convinced. Jack avoided eye contact with her, glancing up only long enough to see her smile return. “Well, I’ll meet you outside then.”

Jack gave a nod of agreement, and Lilly stood up, abandoning the table to go back out the back door. He watched her as she left, holding his breath and only releasing it once he heard the door shut behind her.

He slouched in his chair and loosened his grip on the flowers in his fist. As he lifted his palm to assess the damage done to the petals, a strange sense of dread crept over him. What did he just agree to? 

He tried to shove the feeling away, reasoning that it couldn’t have been anything bad. It was likely just some tedious chore she needed his help with— something heavy she couldn’t lift or a rooster she couldn’t get to behave. But despite his attempts to reassure himself, he couldn’t shake his unease, not until he found out for sure what he’d signed up for. And there was only one way to do that.

Jack scooted away from the table, internally apologizing to his mother as the chair scratched against the floor again, and stood up. He stopped by his bedroom first, where he set the bracelet of flowers on his desk and placed a book on top of it to keep it safe. Then, he made his way outside. 

As he exited the house, he scanned the area in search of Lilly, and when he spotted her standing by the barn, his blood ran cold. The dread he’d been feeling intensified, hitting him with enough force to stop him in his tracks.

She wanted to start cleaning out the barn, didn’t she? He should’ve known. God, how stupid was he? Of course that’s what she was talking about— it was the last big thing they needed to do to fix up the ranch.

She locked eyes with him and waved him over, the most blissfully ignorant smile plastered across her face. After a brief hesitation, he continued towards her, dragging his feet. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe they were just going to meet there and then go off and do something else. Please, God, tell him he was wrong.

Keeping his eyes trained on Lilly, he held his breath as he stepped into the big shadow cast by the barn. Any hope he had that she was planning to do something else was dashed when she faced the barn, surveying it with her hands on her hips. He stopped beside her, locking his knees to keep them from shaking.

She glanced over at him, still smiling. “Once we get this done, maybe we can get a cow,” she said, clapping her hands together in delight. “I don’t know how much they cost, but I’m sure we could scrape it together.”

“Maybe,” he replied morosely. 

His tone caused her smile to falter, and she turned to him, her brows furrowing in concern. “Everything okay?”

He shifted on his feet. No. No, it’s not. Tell her it’s not. She knew that his father had been shot in front of the barn; he had told her. She should understand. 

But she didn’t know that meant he was so afraid of the place. Because who would be? Who would be afraid of something so ridiculous— something so obviously harmless? His mother had never had a problem going in there. Why should he?

Shaking his head to quiet his quarreling thoughts, he answered, “Yeah. Just… not lookin’ forward to the smell.”

She chuckled. “Well, the sooner we get things cleaned up, the sooner we won’t have to deal with that anymore.”

“Right….”

With a shrug, she approached the barn and pushed open one of the swinging doors, poking her head inside then immediately drawing back. “Man, you weren’t kidding,” she said, her hand flying to her nose to cover the stench. She opened the door further, letting out a heavy sigh as she stepped into the doorway and looked around. “We really saved the biggest task for last, huh?”

“You’re tellin’ me,” Jack murmured.

He glanced up at the ridge overlooking the ranch, part of him hoping to see those couple of bureau agents standing there again— that could’ve given him a last-ditch excuse to get out of working on the barn. But of course, he wasn’t that lucky; there was nobody up there that day. 

Lilly slipped the rest of the way inside, keeping a hand on the door to hold it open for him. He stared past her into the barn, his heart racing so hard he feared it would burst. It’s fine, he told himself. It’ll be fine. He needed to suck it up. It was just a barn; there wasn’t anything in there that could hurt him. There wasn’t anything in there scarier than having to admit how afraid he was of something so innocuous.

So despite every muscle in his body screaming at him to stop, he dragged his feet forward and followed her inside. 

The door swung shut behind him, and he froze in place as he was enveloped in the dark abyss of the barn. For a moment, nothing happened, and he took a couple of steps forward, peering around and taking in his surroundings.

Then, slowly, they crept in. All of the memories of the hell that had unleashed around that barn. All of the feelings, the sensations, the things he pushed away into the darkest corners of his mind, hoping they would get lost there. The images of his father lying dead on the ground outside, his mother’s heart-shattering wails, the blood left on his hands after they’d dragged his body into the barn. He could still feel it on his skin, slowly rolling down his fingertips and dripping into the dirt. He wiped his hands on his shirt, trying to make the feeling go away, but it was persistent.

The distant sound of Lilly’s voice calling his name pulled him out of his stupor. She stepped into his line of sight and waved a hand in front of his face. He blinked at her, unable to speak as his heart pounded in his throat.

His eyes darted around frantically, and it felt like the walls were starting to close in on him. His limbs shook, and he couldn’t remember how to breathe; it felt like all the air had been sucked out of the building. A single thought ran through his head on repeat: Get. Out. 

Regaining control of his feet, he stumbled backwards into the doors, slamming them open and launching himself onto the ground outside. The impact pushed all of the air from his lungs, and he gasped as he scrambled to his knees. He looked up to see a blurry image of Lilly rushing out of the barn after him. 

“What happened!?” she asked, standing to the side as he crawled over to a hitching post and pulled himself back up to his feet. 

“I can’t,” he stammered in between labored breaths, slumping over the post. “I can’t go in there.” 

His stomach turned, and Lilly watched with a horrified look on her face as he let out a series of dry-heaves. Once the heaving stopped, he tightened his grip on the hitching post and groaned.

“O-Okay, that’s fine,” she said, waving her hands. “You don’t have to. I can do it myself. Don’t worry—”

“No!” Jack snapped, growing angry with himself. This was ridiculous; he was being ridiculous. He shouldn’t be acting this way; there was no reason for this. “You can’t just do everything by yourself. You shouldn’t have to!”

“Okay, um… do you wanna sit outside the door then?” she suggested, her voice starting to waver. “Or… or maybe we don’t need to do it at all. We can—”

“No, just— just stop!” he shouted over her, making the mistake of looking her in the eyes as he did so. The startled, almost fearful, look on her face gave him pause, causing a deep shame to settle in the pit of his stomach. He tore his eyes away; he couldn’t bear to keep looking at her. All he wanted was to run away and find somewhere to hide.

So that’s what he chose to do. He released his grasp on the post and began rushing towards the house.

“Jack!” Lilly called, chasing after him. “Hey!”

He turned around and put his palms up, shaking violently. “Just leave me alone, okay? I don’t—” I don’t wanna scare you away for good. I don’t wanna make you hate me. Tears brimmed his eyes, and he blinked them away. “I need a minute.”

Before she could say anything else, he took off running to the house, craving the safety and solitude of his bedroom. When he got there, he slammed the door behind him and sat down hard on his bed, still unable to stop his shaking. He squeezed his eyes shut and dug his nails into the mattress, trying to focus on taking deep breaths as he rode out the panic wracking his body.

———

He didn’t know how long it lasted, but when the anxiety finally began to fade, an overwhelming sense of grief crept in to take its place. It was just as strong as the night after his father was buried— when Jack lay in bed, staring at the ceiling while it sank in that he was really gone. He wasn’t going to wake up in the morning and find out that it was all a terrible nightmare. He wasn’t ever going to see him again. He would never have the chance to say all the things he’d left unspoken.

Jack stared blankly ahead as the feeling festered, not moving until there was a light knock at the door. As he turned to face it, the door opened a crack, and Lilly poked her head inside. He made eye contact with her for half a second before putting his head down, another rush of shame and embarrassment washing over him. 

The door creaked open further, and Lilly, her voice soft as ever, asked, “Can I come in?”

Without looking up, he responded with a silent nod.

She slipped inside, her footsteps barely audible as she crossed the room to sit down on the bed beside him. They sat there quietly for a moment, Jack keeping his eyes glued to the floor and Lilly twiddling her thumbs.

The silence was broken when she gently asked, “Do you… wanna tell me what happened?”

His brow knitted together, and his cheeks burned as he recalled how ridiculously he had behaved. Unable— or unwilling— to explain himself, he buried his head in his hands and blurted out, “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” she said, placing a hand between his shoulder blades, slowly trailing it up his back in a soothing motion. “I just… wanna understand.”

Resting his fists on his cheeks, he stared at the floor for a few seconds longer before gathering the courage to look at her. On her face, he didn’t find any of the judgment he feared he would. Instead, her eyes were filled with sadness and a hint of remorse that broke his heart.

He lowered his head again. “My pa got shot in front of the barn.” He left it at that, knowing if he offered any more details about the event, he’d only set himself off again. “And now, every time I go in there…” He trailed off; it felt like there were no words to truly describe what happened in that barn— what he felt in there. It was like he still had one foot in the past. Like some part of his soul had broken off the day his father died and gotten stuck there, and the second he stepped into that barn, it reattached itself. 

He sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know. It’s… all I can think about, and it almost feels like I’m right back there. And I know I’m not, but…” He clenched his fists when he felt himself beginning to shake again. “I can’t handle it.”

“So… that’s happened before?” Lilly asked.

“Yeah. A few times.”

She nodded and went quiet again, continuing to softly rub his back.

Quickly growing uncomfortable with the silence, he muttered, “I’m sorry. I know I overreacted. I know I was being—”

“Stop.” Her hand left his back, and she wrapped her arm around him, hugging him tightly. “You didn’t do anything wrong; you can’t control the way things make you feel. None of that was your fault. You know that, right?”

He didn’t answer; he knew she wouldn’t like the answer.

“Jack….” She squeezed him tighter.

He clenched his jaw. “I was bein’ weak.”

“You weren’t,” she said, her voice remaining soft but gaining a hint of defiance. “If that was true… you wouldn’t have gone in there at all.” She tapped the side of his chin to get him to look at her. “You said that’s happened before. So you knew you wouldn’t like it in there, but you went in anyway. What part of that is weak?”

Jack scoffed and looked away. She said that as if he’d forced himself to go in there for some great, noble purpose. As if the whole thing hadn’t just been a miserably failed attempt at saving himself a little embarrassment.

She grabbed one of his hands, and he widened his eyes at her. “I think you’re a lot stronger than you realize, Jack,” she said. “And this doesn’t change that.”

He pulled his hand from her grasp and lowered his head. “It sure don’t feel that way.”

“Well,” she sighed, resting her palms on her knees, “I think things rarely feel the way they really are.”

Jack couldn’t come up with a response to that, so they fell back into silence. He truly did appreciate her for being there— for sitting and talking with him and trying to help. But as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t see it the way she did, and he didn’t feel like arguing any further.

Without the conversation to distract him, he became painfully aware of how exhausted his episode had left him. Not to mention that lingering grief still festering deep in the pit of his stomach. Groaning, he stretched his legs out and rubbed his eyes.

Lilly eyed him. “Are you feelin’ alright now? Is there anything I can do or get for you?”

“I don’t know,” he mumbled, massaging his forehead. “I’m exhausted. I kinda just wanna go back to bed.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Here.” She stood up and walked over to the window, pulling the sheer curtains shut. They didn’t do much to block out the light, but he appreciated the gesture nonetheless. 

She gave him a reassuring smile, and he tried to muster one up in return, hoping she could see the unspoken gratitude behind it. When she started heading for the door, he felt a pang of disappointment. Although he was tired and not in the mood to talk, he didn’t want her to leave. He missed the warmth of her sitting beside him.

“Wait,” he croaked.

She stopped in front of the door and looked over her shoulder at him, and when her eyes met his, the little bit of nerve he had left crumbled. He wasn’t sure what he was planning on saying anyway. He couldn’t very well ask her to stay and watch him sleep. He’d embarrassed himself enough for one day, and the awkwardness of that would make him vaporize.

“Uh, n-nevermind,” he said.

She turned to fully face him. “What?”

“Nothing,” he said, his heart rate kicking up again. “It wasn’t important. You can go.”

Lilly tucked a stray hair behind her ear, and for a moment, she seemed disappointed. “Okay, well… if you change your mind— if you decide you need somethin’— lemme know,” she said, giving him another smile. “I’m always around.”

The reminder that she wasn’t going anywhere tugged at his heart, making it beat even faster. He sucked in his lips and gave a nod in response. With that, she left the room, gently shutting the door behind her.

He sighed and flopped back in his bed, shoving the heels of his palms against his eyes and hoping that sleep would take him soon.

———

Jack tossed and turned for ages, but as hard as he tried, he couldn’t shut his mind off. Every time he closed his eyes, he was assaulted with gruesome images of his father, and he couldn’t shake the grief that kept gnawing at his aching chest. Eventually, he gave up and crawled out of bed.

Half-dazed from his exhaustion, he wandered back outside, keeping his head down to avoid catching sight of the barn. He didn’t know where Lilly had run off to, but he supposed it didn’t matter. He didn’t want to bother her any more.

For a few minutes, he meandered around the porch, hoping the fresh autumn air would help clear his mind. But when it didn’t, he strayed farther from the house, letting his feet take control and decide where to lead him.

He ended up at the bottom of the hill that led up to his family’s gravesite, and he stopped and stared up at the three wooden crosses looming over him. He hadn’t been up there since the day he buried his mother. And before then, he only visited his father’s grave a couple of times, never staying longer than a few minutes. Sticking around any longer had been too painful. 

Still, he should’ve gone up there more often to tend to the graves, and that thought caused a pang of guilt to shoot through his chest. He pushed himself forward, slowly making his way up to the cliffside.

He approached the three graves at the top and stood a few feet away from them, his arms hanging loosely at his sides. Seeing the state of them— especially of his father’s— intensified his guilt. He took a step closer to his father’s grave, examining the makeshift wooden cross that bore his name. The wood was weathered and had split in multiple places from the water damage it had endured, making it difficult to read what was inscribed on it. Additionally, the mound of dirt was covered in unsightly weeds, most of which were concentrated around the base of the cross.

He glanced over at his mother’s marker, which was in better shape but still already showing some of the same signs of decay. And Uncle’s was no better than his father’s.

It tore Jack apart. He wished he had the money to give them something better. They deserved better. They deserved to have one of those nice, carved stones like the ones in the cemetery in Blackwater, and they deserved to have a son who actually took the time to pull up the weeds around their graves.

His breath caught, and he knelt down in front of his father’s grave. 

After a moment, he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

The words were so simple, yet he meant them more than anything he had ever said before. They were behind almost everything he did. They were the reason he refused to leave the ranch behind, the reason he threw his revolver in the lake, the reason he now shunned the whiskey he so desperately craved. Yet none of that felt like enough, and the guilt that burned inside him threatened to swallow him whole.

He clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palms until it hurt. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, a bit louder.

Jack hoped that somewhere, somehow, his father could hear him. He hoped he knew how sorry he was for never coming up there and for always pushing him away when he was still around. And more importantly, how sorry he was for how far he’d fallen after his father’s death. For how he’d broken what was left of his mother’s heart in his quest for revenge and how he’d let the ranch his father built for them go to shit. 

 Jack hoped he knew he’d take it all back if he could. 

A couple of silent tears rolled down his cheek, and he wiped them on the shoulder of his sleeve. But when they continued to come, he didn’t make any effort to stop them. He allowed the full force of his grief and his guilt to spill down his face unrestrained.

Gritting his teeth, he hunched forward onto his hands and knees and dug his fists into the ground, tightening them around the clumps of weeds at the base of the grave marker. With a gruff sob, he tore them out of the earth and threw them to the side. Then, again and again, he went back for more fistfuls, determined to uproot every last one.

When he finished with his father’s grave, he moved on to his mother’s, and then to Uncle’s, ripping up every weed in sight until his hands were red and raw. All the while, the tears never stopped rolling down his cheeks.

When the graves were free of weeds, he dragged himself underneath a nearby tree, panting and sweating from his efforts. His throat ached, and his chest was burning, yet strangely, the whole ordeal left him feeling lighter than he had in years. 

He wiped the streaks of tears off his cheeks and closed his eyes, taking in the fresh air and the feeling of the breeze against his skin. As his heart rate returned to normal, exhaustion settled in again. He stretched his legs out, leaned his head back against the tree, and tugged his hat down over his eyes. 

Within minutes, he finally drifted off to sleep.

The air was warmer when Jack awoke, and his skin tingled from the streaks of sunlight shining through the tree’s branches. He stretched and lifted the brim of his hat, squinting as his eyes adjusted to the light. Glancing up at the sky, he noted the position of the sun and concluded that it was now around the middle of the afternoon. He sat there for a moment longer, waiting for his lingering sleepiness to wear off before standing up. 

As he got back to his feet, he brushed the dirt off his jeans and smoothed out the wrinkles in his shirt. Then, resolving to clean up the remains of the weeds he’d uprooted later, he passed by his family’s graves and approached the edge of the cliff to take a look around.

From that angle, he could see the entirety of the ranch, and he was struck by how much it had changed over the past few months. Most of the tall patches of grass and weeds that once littered the place had been trimmed down. The fence surrounding the property was free of holes. And the chicken coop, even despite the coyote attack, was bustling with life again. 

It looked a lot more like it had a few years ago. 

His eyes landed on the once-overgrown gazebo, where he found Lilly sitting and reading a book. As he watched her, her words echoed in his head: You’re a lot stronger than you realize. Maybe she was right. And maybe the proof of that was right in front of him. 

Coming back to the ranch was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, but he did it anyway. And in that moment, as he stared down at the fruits of all his hard work, he felt that it had paid off. He felt that his parents would have been proud of him. Despite all the setbacks he had faced— and was still facing— he had managed to do something right.

But his pride faltered a bit when he looked at the barn, remembering the mess that was still inside. He’d made a lot of progress on the ranch, but he wasn’t quite finished yet. And he didn’t want to give up now. 

Taking in a shaky breath, Jack lifted his chin and stepped away from the ledge. Then, with a final sorrowful yet determined glance at his family’s graves, he made his way over to the gazebo. As he approached, Lilly looked up from her book and then closed it, setting it in her lap and folding her hands on top of it. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs and stared at her as he tried to come up with what to say. 

She gave him a gentle smile. “Hi.”

“Hey,” he greeted her back, scratching at the dirt with his boot. “I— I’ll sit outside the door.” He nodded towards the barn. “If that’s… still an option.”

Her eyes lit up, and the warmth in her gaze made his chest stir. “Of course it is.”

She set her book down on the table and stood up, brushing off her skirt as she stepped out of the gazebo to join him. She put her hand on his shoulder, and without a second thought, he grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug.

After a sharp inhale of surprise, she wrapped her arms around him. 

“Thank you,” he murmured into her hair. “I’m glad you’re here. I…” He trailed off, only able to finish the sentence in his head: I love you.

Lilly squeezed him then pulled away to give him another sweet smile. “Don’t mention it.”

———

They spent the next couple of days cleaning out the barn, taking it little by little so it was easier for Jack to cope with. Well, Lilly was the one doing the majority of the cleaning. He mostly stood in the doorway, watching and chatting with her to keep his mind from wandering. Occasionally, in an effort to make himself feel somewhat useful, he’d pick up a pitchfork and try to help clean the area within its reach, but he still couldn’t bring himself to go inside. 

And despite Lilly’s insistence that he shouldn’t, he felt guilty for it. Cleaning out the barn wasn’t a pleasant task nor an easy one, and it wasn’t fair that she had to do it on her own. He was the one who let the place fall into such a state of disarray; it was his responsibility to fix it. 

So on the third day, he woke up determined to do a bit more. 

It was especially chilly outside that morning, and as he made his way to the barn, his feet crunched against the frosty morning dew that coated the grass. Lilly was already over there waiting for him, leaning against the doorframe with her arms wrapped around herself and her face pointed up to the sky. As he got closer, he saw that her eyes were closed, and she didn’t appear to notice his arrival, even when he stopped just a couple of feet away from her. 

He stood there awkwardly, waiting for her to realize he was there, but when she didn’t move, he quietly said, “Hey.”

Lilly opened her eyes and turned to him, a bit startled. She blinked a few times before giving him a small smile. “Hey, there you are.”

“Here I am,” he said. “You alright?”

Shaking her head, she replied, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” She chuckled and pushed herself away from the wall, standing up straight. “Coffee just hasn’t quite kicked in yet.”

Jack responded with a short, polite laugh, but as he looked into her eyes, he felt a small pang in his chest. She looked exhausted, sporting the dark under-eye circles that he often saw on her when she was staying in Blackwater. Up until that point, she seemed to be doing better at Beecher’s Hope, but now, he feared that all the stress of the past week may be getting to her.

“We can start later if you wanna go get some rest,” he said. 

“No, that’s not necessary,” she said, waving him off. “I’ll survive.” Before he had any chance to object, she nodded at the barn’s swinging doors and motioned for him to help her prop them open. “No use putting it off.”

He stood in place for a moment longer, watching her with a faint look of concern as she turned her back on him and pulled one of the doors open. Then, choosing to let the issue rest for now, he joined her and propped open the other door with an old sack of corn. 

With the doors open, Lilly gave him another smile before strolling inside. Jack lingered in the doorway, feet rooted to the dirt as he mustered up the courage to follow her in.

Taking a deep breath and holding it in, he dragged one foot past the threshold into the barn. Then, with a brief hesitation, the other followed, and he found himself standing inside. His knees shook as he peered around, spotting Lilly in the corner of one of the stalls, her back turned to him as she surveyed the mess on the floor. He moved stiffly towards her, drawn to her like a moth to a lone light in the darkness. 

When she turned around and saw him standing right behind her, she widened her eyes and let out a quiet, incredulous laugh. “What are you doing?”

He released his breath, trying to ignore how hard his heart was thumping in his chest. “Uh, helping?” 

An affectionate gleam appeared in her eyes, making his heart pound harder. “It’s fine, Jack. I can do it.” Her voice was soft. “You don’t have to—”

“I know. I want to.”

That was a lie. He didn’t want to be in there; he didn’t hate it any less than he did before. Being within those four walls still caused an unshakable sense of dread to churn in his stomach; it still made it hard to breathe. But he needed to. 

Swallowing the lump forming in his throat, he added, “Just for a bit.”

Lilly studied him for a moment, her reluctance clear on her face. But despite her concern, she nodded and patted him on the arm, quietly repeating, “Just for a bit.”

With that, she grabbed a pitchfork that was leaning against the wall and handed it to him. Jack took it with shaky hands and held it tightly, staring at her expectantly as he waited for her to explain what they were doing. 

“I wanted to finish cleaning out this stall today,” she said, putting her hands on her hips and smiling at him. “With the two of us, it shouldn’t take too long.”

Jack agreed, and they got to work immediately. He stayed quiet the entire time, focusing intently on the task at hand and being careful not to let his eyes wander too much. Lilly filled the silence, talking to him about anything she could think of, and while he didn’t respond, he hung onto every word she said like it was the only thing keeping him on Earth. 

She told him a couple short stories about her travels before she came to Blackwater— about how Chicago was the worst city she’d ever been to and how lovely the train ride through Ambarino had been. Then, when she got bored of that, she let him in on some of the scandalous secrets she’d overheard while playing piano at the dinner parties of Blackwater’s elite. And given what she told him, Jack wondered why those people thought they had any right to gossip about her and him.

Despite the distractions, his discomfort continued to grow the longer he stayed in the barn, and it became increasingly difficult to keep himself grounded. But luckily, just as Lilly had said, it didn’t take long until the stall was clean and all of the debris they’d cleared was loaded up into a wheelbarrow. 

He wasted no time in getting out of the barn, taking a slow deep breath of fresh air the moment he stepped outside. Lilly followed behind him with the wheelbarrow. As she pushed it off to the side and removed the doorstops keeping the barn doors open, Jack leaned against the hitching post and lit up a cigarette.

He shakily brought it to his lips, closed his eyes, and took a long drag of it, relishing in the comfort it brought him. When he heard Lilly return to his side, he let out a puff of smoke and opened his eyes.

“You okay?” she asked, leaning against the post beside him.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice wavering slightly. “But… I think I’ve had enough for a while.” He raised the cigarette again. “A long while.”

“Okay.” She crossed her arms and nodded. “I think the coop’s about due for a good cleanin’ anyway; we can work on that instead.” She eyed him for a moment, a soft smile on her face. “You did well today.”

Jack let out a chuckle along with another cloud of smoke. “Thanks. I wasn’t sure I’d… um…” He trailed off as his ears caught a distant whirring and sputtering sound coming from the east. 

Looking in the direction of the sound, he spotted a shiny black motor car coming up the road from Blackwater, half hidden by a hill. He furrowed his brows at it.

“Huh,” Lilly said. “There’s somethin’ you don’t see around here every day.”

Not taking his eyes off the car, he murmured, “No, you don’t….”

An ominous feeling settled into his gut. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw a car this far out from Blackwater. The dirt roads around the plains weren’t made for them. And even within the city, they were a rare sight and were usually only seen being driven by those who worked for the government. 

The car disappeared behind the hill, reappearing moments later near the entrance to Beecher’s Hope. Jack held his breath, praying it would pass and continue up the road to Tall Trees. His heart lurched when instead, it began slowing down and turned in to the ranch.

Lilly took a few steps forward. “The hell?”

Jack extended his arm out to keep her back. 

“What are they comin’ here for?” she asked. 

“I don’t know,” he said, his breathing becoming more ragged. He threw his cigarette on the ground and grabbed Lilly by the wrist. “And I don’t wanna.” 

He pulled her around the side of the barn and out of sight of the vehicle. 

Peeking around the corner, he watched the car as it parked in front of the house. After a moment, the sputtering of the engine came to a stop, and out of the car stepped a man wearing a crisp gray suit. He dusted himself off and turned in a circle, taking a long, slow look around the property. Then, he slammed the car door shut and began making his way to the house.

Shuddering, Jack disappeared back behind the corner. 

“Who is it?” Lilly whispered. “Cops?”

He swallowed and nodded. “Just one.”

“They don’t normally come alone— or get this close. What’s he doing?”

“I don’t know.”

“Look again!”

He did just that, gripping onto the corner of the wall and poking his head out further this time. The man was on the porch now, repeatedly knocking on the front door and pacing around in between knocks. When it became clear that no one was going to answer, he gave up on knocking and kicked the door in a fit of frustration. This sent a jolt of anger through Jack, and his grip on the corner tightened.

Abandoning the front door, the man crossed to the other side of the porch and started looking inside the windows. Jack’s anger increased. He couldn’t believe how bold these bureau assholes had become. From standing on the ridge, spying on him from afar to peeping in his windows. What would be next?

He decided he wasn’t going to stand for it. They could watch him all they wanted, but this blatant disrespect was going too far. This guy had been stupid enough to come alone, which gave Jack the courage he needed to step out from his hiding place, meaning to give him a piece of his mind. 

Lilly scurried after him.

“Stay here,” he said, grabbing her shoulders and pushing her back behind the barn.

“Jack—”

“Please.”

She hesitated for a moment longer before sighing in defeat. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

He squeezed her. “I won’t.”

With that, he took off jogging to the house, fighting off the urge to give the shiny motor car he passed along the way the same disrespectful kick his front door had received. He got to the porch unnoticed and stopped at the bottom of the stairs, glaring at the back of the man’s head as he continued to peer through the window. 

With a huff of anger, he stomped up the steps. “Hey!”

The man pulled back from the window and turned to him, looking startled for only a brief second before assuming a more nonchalant expression. He wasn’t wearing a badge or one of those stupid hats, but Jack wasn’t about to be fooled by that. He knew a bureau agent when he saw one.

Jack marched closer to him, fury behind every one of his steps. “Didn’t I tell you bastards to leave me alone?”

The man’s brows furrowed, and he blinked a few times. “Pardon?” he said, a laugh hiding behind his voice.

“Don’t act stupid.” Jack pushed himself further into the man’s face until he was inches away. “You heard me.”

“Christ.” The man leaned backwards, his nose wrinkling in disgust. “What do you want, a kiss? Back off.”

Jack took a small step back, the response catching him off guard and making his face flush. He stammered a bit before regaining his composure and growling, “Just get the hell out of here!”

The man stared back at him, unshaken. “Look, buddy,” he started, “I don’t know who the fuck you are or what in God’s name your problem is, but I think you might be a little bit confused.”

“Ain’t nothin’ to be confused about,” Jack spat. “I saw you peepin’ in that window. And I know you people have been watchin’ me all week; I’ve seen you!”

“Watching you?” The stranger let out a derisive chuckle of disbelief. “Why would I be watching you? You’re not that much to look at, sweetheart.”

Jack’s nostrils flared, and he could only imagine that his face was redder than ever. He grit his teeth, too livid to form words.

The man seemed to pick up on his increasing fury, and moreover, seemed to be amused by it. Jack clenched his fists, fighting back an overwhelming urge to smack that subtle, self-righteous smile off the bastard’s face. But he was paralyzed with anger, so he simply stared at him, breathing heavily through his nose.

The man sighed and put his hands behind his back, the corner of his lip turning upwards in a more obvious smirk. “Are we finished?”

Jack’s arm twitched. That was it. He was a millisecond away from raising his fists and tearing the guy apart, but before he could, Lilly’s voice from behind him pulled him back down to Earth.

“Tom,” she said quietly, the sound catching in her throat.

Jack looked over his shoulder at her, puzzled and still breathing erratically as he struggled to come down from his anger. Her lips were pressed into a thin line, her brows furrowed as her eyes scanned the stranger.

Looking back at the man, Jack saw that he had softened a bit upon seeing Lilly, and his confusion intensified, overtaking his anger. He stammered, “Wha—” Suddenly, he was shoved to the side, sent stumbling into the side of the house while the man approached Lilly. 

She hesitantly stepped towards him. 

“Hey, kid.” He pulled her into a hug but immediately flinched away and held her at arm’s length. “God, you smell like shit,” he said, his face contorting in disgust. “When’s the last time you bathed?”

She wriggled out of his grasp and scoffed. “I bathe every—” She bit her lip, pausing for half a second before correcting herself, “almost every day!”

“In what?” the man asked flatly. “Shit?”

“Shut up!” Lilly snapped, giving him a weak punch in the shoulder. Her cheeks pinkened, and she wrapped her arms around herself. “What are you doing here? You don’t belong here.”

“We’ll get to that in a minute.” His eyes darted back to Jack, and he scowled. “Who the hell’s this clown? He smells even worse than you do.”

Jack glowered at him.

Lilly answered, “This is Jack.”

Recognition flashed across the man’s face. “This is Jack,” he echoed, pursing his lips and looking Jack up and down. He wrinkled his nose and crossed his arms. “Hm.” He turned to Lilly and reduced his voice to a murmur. “Y’know, I think you might need to read up on the definition of a few words….”

Lilly responded with a glare, and Jack furrowed his brows, confused by the exchange. He stepped closer to the pair and, seeking some clarity, finally spoke up again. “Who are you?” he asked, a trace of bitterness still present in his voice.

The man smirked and faced Jack again. “I—”

“This is Tommy,” Lilly cut in. “My brother.”

At first, Jack didn’t believe her. He couldn’t. A part of him wanted to burst out laughing. There was no way this smug piece of shit could be related to Lilly— to his sweet, unassuming Lilly. But as he turned his gaze back to the man and took a closer look, he was struck by the resemblance. 

The only major difference of note was the hair; his slicked-back blond hair was a stark contrast to her long, dark curls. But everything else was so similar— the dimples in the cheeks, the slope of the nose, the accent too. 

His eyes were even that same shade of green, though they lacked any of the warmth and light that Jack found in Lilly’s gaze. Hers were the green of the grass in spring, his of a camouflaged snake weaving through that grass.

Related to Lilly or not, Jack had already made up his mind: he didn’t like the guy.

Tommy extended a hand out to him. “Thomas Schuyler.”

Jack stared at his hand, making no move to shake it. He offered only a mumbled utterance of his name. “Jack Marston.”

Tommy's expression soured, and he dropped his arm back down to his side. “Charmed,” he sneered.

“Great, we’ve all met,” Lilly interjected, tapping her foot against the porch— whether from impatience or nervousness, Jack couldn’t tell. “Now, what are you doing here?”

The man looked down in thought for a moment. “I wanted to come check on you.”  He patted her on the shoulder and smiled at her. “Make sure you’re doin’ okay.”

Lilly narrowed her eyes at him, not seeming to buy his explanation. “Why? Why couldn’t you just wait for me to call you like you always have before? I’ve been tryin’ all week.” She looked down at the floor and dropped her voice to a mumble. “Guess I see why you weren’t answerin’ now….”

“Well, sometimes I struggle to trust the things you tell me over the telephone, and lookin’ around, I think I might’ve been right to be skeptical.” As he spoke, he looked around, taking in the sight of the ranch with a displeased look on his face. “You told me you were stayin’ someplace nice. Yet here we are….”

Jack pursed his lips, the thinly-veiled insult towards his home deepening his dislike of the man. The ranch was everything to him. He and Lilly had put so much work into it, as had his family before them— his father built the place with his own two hands. This lanky asshole, who didn’t look like he’d ever done a real day’s work in his life, had no right to disparage it. He clenched his right fist, fighting off the rage that he could feel building up inside of him again.

Lilly shot Jack an apologetic glance. “This is someplace nice.”

Tommy scoffed out a laugh and shook his head. “Right….”

They all went quiet, and Tommy leaned against the house, pulling a cigarette out of his breast pocket. As he lit it up, Lilly watched him warily, shifting her weight between her feet. Jack did the same. He didn’t like the timing of all this— the guy just happened to drop by right after Lilly’s slip-up with those agents? He wasn’t buying that.

Finally, Lilly spoke up, asking the question that was on both of their minds: “Is… is that it?”

“Why?” Tommy raised an eyebrow. “Were you expecting something else?”

“N-No.” She gave a nervous laugh and crossed her arms. “It’s just that I don’t understand why you would come all this way for something so trivial. That seems a bit ridiculous— even for you.”

He hummed and tapped on his cigarette, causing a sprinkle of ash to flutter down onto the porch. “Okay. Fair point,” he mumbled, shrugging a single shoulder as he brought the cigarette back to his lips.

Lilly wrung her hands. “So what’s going on then?”

He exhaled a cloud of smoke. “A little while ago, a couple of morons from the Bureau of Investigation showed up on Ma’s doorstep.”

Jack felt all of the blood drain from his face as the man’s words confirmed what he’d feared. He briefly locked eyes with Lilly, who wore the same subtle look of dismay that he was sure had spread across his own face. 

Then, almost immediately, she dropped the expression and raised her eyebrows in feigned surprise. “Why?” she asked, refocusing on her brother. “What’d they want?” There was a small hitch in her voice as she spoke, so subtle that Jack thought he must have been the only one to notice. 

Tommy took another slow drag of his cigarette before answering, “They just asked her if she happened to know anyone in or from West Elizabeth. They wouldn’t tell her much else, but of course, she thought it must have somethin’ to do with you.” He paused and looked her up and down. “And when she came and told me about it, I had the same thought too.”

Lilly’s face paled, and this time, she didn’t try to hide her dismay. “Wait, y-you didn’t tell her I’m here, did you?”

“No. I didn’t,” Tommy scoffed, waving the question off as if it were absurd. 

She breathed a shaky sigh of relief.

“But,” he continued, “since I knew you were here, the whole encounter didn’t really sit well with me.” He shrugged. “So naturally, I went and harassed ‘em into givin’ me a little more context.”

The man paused to take another long puff of his cigarette, and as the silence droned on, Jack felt like he would crumble from anticipation. 

“And?” Lilly prompted.

Tommy sighed, blowing a cloud of smoke into the air. “They told me that they were lookin’ for a suspect in a separate missing person’s case in West Elizabeth, and someone told them that person was up in Boston.” He furrowed his brows. “That someone also gave them Ma’s name for some reason.”

“Okay…” Lilly replied, dumbfounding Jack with her ability to keep her tone so nonchalant. “What does that have to do with me?”

“I just thought it was strange.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you not?”

Lilly fidgeted a bit under his gaze. “I mean, sure, it kinda is,” she said, her eyes nervously flitting over to Jack again. “But that doesn’t mean I had anything to do with it, if that’s what you’re trying to imply.”

“Well, it was quite a coincidence then.”

“Stranger things have happened,” she replied, taking another reflexive look at Jack.

This time, Tommy followed her gaze, narrowing his eyes at Jack. “What do you keep lookin’ at him for?” he asked. “Have you got somethin’ to say?”

Breathing shakily, Jack scowled at him. “No. I don’t.” 

“No?” He scoffed and pushed himself off the wall, turning his back on Lilly to march closer to Jack. “You sure had a lot to say to me before she showed up.” He nodded over his shoulder at her. “Where’d all that nerve go?”

Jack shifted on his feet, his stomach lurching as he recalled all that he’d unwittingly said when he first confronted the man. Fighting to keep his anxiety from showing on his face, he searched his head for a response. But with Tommy’s unwavering, suspicious gaze boring into him, he struggled to come up with anything. 

He wondered how Lilly had managed to keep as cool as she did when he was staring down at her— maybe it was just because she knew him better. He peered over Tommy’s shoulder and looked at her, widening his eyes in a silent plea for help. 

Catching on to his signal, she put her palms up and motioned for him to stay calm. Then, with repeated glances at her brother to make sure he didn’t notice, she waved her hands and mouthed the words, “Change. The. Subject.”

Without thinking, Jack nodded at her, kicking himself for doing so when the gesture caused Tommy to look back at her. In a quick motion, she dropped her arms back down to her sides, acting as if their exchange hadn’t happened. When his gaze returned to Jack, the suspicion in his eyes had deepened. 

Heeding Lilly’s advice, Jack steeled his face and said in as flat a tone as he was able, “Are you gonna be leavin’ soon? We need to get back to work.”

For a second, Tommy seemed caught off guard by the response. Then, he gave a derisive chuckle. “Work, huh?” Taking a step back from Jack, he took another brief look around the ranch. “It sure doesn’t look like you’ve been doing much work.” He threw his half-spent cigarette down onto the porch, crushing it underneath a shiny, pristine shoe. “This place is a dump.”

Jack's face grew hot with anger, and he balled up his fists. This piece of shit was asking for it at this point…. It took every ounce of willpower he had not to knock his ass to the ground right then.

He opened his mouth to argue, but Lilly cut in to break them up. “All the more reason we should get back to it,” she said, grabbing Tommy’s shoulder from behind and pulling him until he faced her. “Everything’s fine, Tommy, honestly. You can go home now.”

He shrugged her hand off and pursed his lips, glaring at her with such intensity that it looked like he thought he could read her mind if he tried hard enough. She crossed her arms and frowned at him, holding his gaze for several seconds before faltering.

Then, to Jack’s surprise, Tommy’s demeanor suddenly softened, and a genuine look of concern appeared on his face, lasting only for a brief second before he wiped it away. “No,” he said quietly, folding his hands behind his back. “I’m afraid I can’t.”

Lilly sighed impatiently. “Why not? What—”

“Because,” he cut her off, “like I said, I wanted to make sure you’re okay. And so far”— his voice became strained, and he shot Jack another suspicious glare— “I’m not so convinced that you are.”

Jack glared back at him, resenting the implication that he was some kind of threat to Lilly. He hadn’t done anything to harm her nor had he even considered doing so.

“I am,” she said. “You’re being ridiculous.”

Tommy studied her for another moment before muttering, “Prove it.”

His words seemed to startle her a bit, but with only a brief hesitation, she stuck her chin up and said, “Y’know what? Fine.” She threw her hands up in defeat. “If you wanna hover around like a paranoid freak, be our guest. Just stay out of the way.” 

Wait, what? Jack thought. She’s not really telling him he can stay, is she?

“Fine by me,” Tommy replied. “Wouldn’t wanna get too close anyway.”

Ignoring him, Lilly walked over to Jack and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it a little too hard. “Just pretend he isn’t here, okay?” she murmured in his ear. Her hand trailed down to his bicep, and she gently tugged on it, beckoning him towards the porch steps. “Come on. Let’s get back to work.”

Jack looked at her like she was out of her mind. How was he supposed to pretend he wasn’t there? How were they supposed to get back to work if this guy was intent on breathing down their necks the entire time? He was already stressed enough from cleaning out the barn; he didn’t need this too. 

He shook his head in disagreement, and Lilly gave him a look of pleading in response, her grip on his arm becoming tighter until it started to hurt. When he didn’t budge, she whispered, her lips barely moving, “Trust me.”

Tommy cleared his throat. “Is there a problem?”

Jack hesitated for a moment, keeping his eyes locked on Lilly, who continued to silently plead with him to just go along with it. Finally, he swallowed and gave her a short nod before addressing the man. “You heard her,” he mumbled gruffly. “Just stay out of the way.”

Tommy gave him a strained, sardonic smile and looked him over, scrutinizing him for what felt like the hundredth time. “As you wish, sweetheart.”

Jack scowled in response, and Lilly grabbed hold of his wrist, tugging him off the porch and over to the chicken coop. Tommy followed after them, lagging several feet behind as Lilly picked up the pace, never releasing her grip on Jack.

As they neared the coop, she gave his wrist a hard squeeze. “Just stay calm and act normal,” she whispered, her breathing heavy. “He’s just overprotective. Show him there’s no reason to be suspicious and then he’ll go.” Stay calm and act normal, Jack repeated in his head. Because that’s always been so easy for him to do….

[writingsofwesteros]

business and pleasure;

“Oh, here he is!” she takes the opportunity to put her arm around his. “The man of the hour”. It’s a typical loving gesture that Ned doesn’t appreciate at all. He did not want to cause a scandal that would negatively impact his family or his business relations. He could see that she was trying to make people think that she and he were in a relationship, and that was not the case at all.

“Listen to me, once we’re finished here we’ll have a long discussion together” Ned keeps a stiff upper lip and manage to smile through “and stop with the charade”. One of the business men in front of them seem to be interested in bits of the discussion, his face contorts in a confused expression.

“We have not told anyone yet, it’s not official…its pretty new” she tells to the curious little man, than she says at Ned “A dozen of people knows that, I’ve let it slip, my love”.

Mr. Stark is frustrated beyond measure. This girl was clearly trying to ruin his reputation and create a false perception. He had been nothing but kind to her, and yet she was still trying to force him into a situation much bigger than her. "You're making a huge mistake!" He was getting angry, and it only made her wetter, it only made want to fuel the situation she was creating to make him finally pop!

Sitting at a table she comes with some drinks, bending over giving him full view of her cleavage. “I didn’t know what you preferred to drink” She was standing in a such a way that her cleavage was right in his face.

Ned was getting increasingly annoyed, but he also couldn't ignore what was happening in front of his face. "Um... thank you?" he replied awkwardly. She was clearly trying to cause a distraction, and it was working. He knew what not to do in this situation, yet he couldn't help but stare. She smiled. He had not objected, he had even looked once or twice. Maybe he was finally cracking.

The men at the table were talking business and deals. All that she wasn’t interested in. Not now anyway. She let her hand slip under the table. A little nothing. She palmed him, his cock stiffened just a bit. He coughed. The men asked him if everything was alright. "Yes... everything's fine," Ned said, trying to keep himself composed. He was just trying to focus on the conversation and ignore what was happening below the table, but it was getting harder and harder.

She minded her own business, her hand rested there; not moving. He had gotten increasingly harder. Until he bucked his hips onto her hand. Gods. Ned excused himself and dragged her away towards the elevators. After the elevator doors closed, he turned to her. "Mr. Stark! What’s the hurry?”

“You did this. Now undo it”. He motion at the evident tent in pants. He was tired of fighting this temptation, and he was tired of having to resist her. He had tried to handle things in a professional manner, but it wasn't working. Now he was at his limit.

She looked positively happy. The cat who got the cream. Her mouth was stuffed shut before she could proffer words again. And it was the best feeling. His cock was thick. Holding her hair and she teased the tip. Giving him little kitten licks.

!!!!!!!!!!

HOT HOT HOT

Oh, she's gagging on him before she knows it as Ned takes complete control. Her drool moving down his fat, throbbing length as he pushes her up and down by her hair.

She's too good at this, he thought as she sucked him

[rosenallies]

would love some a phone sex prompt for: its my fault isn't it? i ruin everything i touch

This is kind of a continuation of this lil storyline bc I forgot I wanted to write more of it so <3

——

Denali sighed, phone pressed to her ear as she looked at Rosé sleeping soundly on the couch, cocooned in soft pink blankets.

“I don’t know what to do, Mik,” she said quietly, not wanting to leave the room in case Rosé woke up and needed her, “I’m so scared I don’t know how to help her.”

Rosé had been discharged from the hospital after just one night so they could observe her, but even a full day after, she still seemed so out of it and tired like she’d been there for a week. Since she’d come home, Denali had not let her lift a single finger, taking care of meals and chores herself.

“You love her, shouldn’t that come naturally?”

Denali huffed. “I mean, I know what to do, I just don’t know if I’m good at it. She’s always the one taking care of me, and I just,” she paused, sniffling a bit, “it’s my fault isn’t it? I ruin everything I touch.”

“Nali, how would it be your fault? It’s not your fault she’s a people pleaser.”

“Maybe if I wasn’t so-“

“Denali,” her friend stopped her gently, “she wouldn’t want you saying those things about yourself. You just need to be there for her and listen to her, but you know that.”

She opened her mouth to reply, but Rosé began to stir, catching her attention. “Yeah, thanks, Mik. I’ll talk to you later, okay? She’s about to wake up I think.”

She hung up the phone and pulled herself off the floor and made her way to the couch. “Babe?” She whispered gently, sitting beside Rosé and petting back hair that had fallen into her face while she slept.

Rosé blinked her eyes open, bleary eyes becoming clearer as they focused. “Nali,” she smiled, reaching for her.

“How are you feeling? Are you feeling alright?”

“Yeah, I’m okay, darling. What did you want me to get for dinner? I was gonna head to the store after my nap.”

“What? No, Rosie, you can’t go to the store. You need to stay here and rest.”

Rosé smiled softly, but Denali noticed how it didn’t reach her eyes all the way. “Come on, baby, I’m fine. The doctors said it wasn’t anything to worry about.”

“Yet! You left out the ‘yet’! They said if you continue to do too much and worry so much that it could start to affect your heart.”

“It won’t because I’m fine,” Rosé argued.

Denali sighed again, staring down at her lap. “How many times have you I had conversations like this but with the roles reversed?”

“What? Denali, I-“

“I can’t even tell you how many times,” Denali laughed bitterly, shaking her head, “you always say I’m never really fine when I’m doing everything in my power to convince others that I’m fine. It’s the same for you.”

“But-“

“Just, please, Rosé,” Denali looked at her, tears shining in her gentle brown eyes, “I didn’t even know you were struggling this bad and I-I didn’t help until something bad happened.”

Eyes downcast, Rosé fiddled with the tassel on one of her blankets, weaving tiny braids with the strands just to keep her hands too busy to shake. “You didn’t know because I hid it.”

“But now I know. I know and I refuse to just let you suffer. I wasn’t kidding when I said I didn’t want you even lifting a finger for a while. And I’m pretty sure your sisters would have me killed if I let you just fall back into old habits so easily.”

Rosé laughed softly. “Nah, I’m pretty sure they love you more than they love me,” she said, a joke but there was a hint of insecurity there that Denali noticed.

“That’s not true and it’s not even the same type of love. The love they have for you, their big sister that took care of them, is far greater than the type of love they have for me,” she paused to cup Rosé’s cheek, gently lifting her gaze, “you’ve taken care of everyone for years, now let me do the same, okay?”

Tears shone in her eyes and anxiety churned in her belly but she nodded. “Okay.”

Denali wrapped her up in a cuddle. “You might be agreeing with me now but I know you’ll still resist at times, but don’t worry I still won’t allow it.”

She was right, Rosé knew herself. Anxiety at being rendered useless and needy raged inside her, but a soft comfort also washed over her at knowing she was being taken care of. She had never craved that so badly.

Resting her head on Denali’s shoulder, Rosé let herself relax again. “I love you.”

“I love you too, we’ll get through this, promise.”

Rosé didn’t know if that was true, but for the sake of herself she let herself believe the words, even if only for a moment or two.

[starlesscastellation]

the fuklckig stars are out. this has to mean something. not to like mcr5 theorize on main but like I know its foundations and its destruction to rebuilding which was what the fire and rain was. But the fucking stars. that's not rebuilding that's rebuilt. That's 'the destruction is over and the sky is clear again'. The storm has cleared.

so this analysis will be a shit show.

listen I'm not very good at this I'm a little too insane to fully understand everything and I'm probably reading into it too much. it's also a long rant so apologies.

but these lyrics from foundations of decay.

"when the storm it gains" I'm imagining in whatever over exaggerated thing I'm doing is either the fire or the actual storm. cause like storm = destruction you fucking know

"and the sky it rains / let it flood, let it flood, let it wash away" again LITERALLY what is fucking happening. the rain washed away the fire and the destruction.

"and as you stumble through your last crusade" it's the last show. the destruction's been washed away and it's the last show.

"will you welcome your extinction in the morning rays?" now I have many thoughts on this. this could go a couple ways. I suppose in this metaphor we're mixing up the sun (morning rays) and the stars from the set, but they both have the same meaning- the calm at the end of the storm.

To me it could be about letting the band die. It could be welcoming in the end after resolving all of the things that didn't go quite right the first time, having one more chance to be themselves and proud on stage. And it's over. Now everything has been righted, just one more tour to put out the flames and they can welcome the bands death.

or it means welcoming the death of some of the things the band used to be. It could be like a we are no longer the people who started the band, lots of things have changed. And that's okay. The suffering is over and with the stars out we know things have changed for the better. The stars are out and that means they can keep going and grow from the decay.

but wait I've got more shit to unpack

the breakdown.

"cause the message must be pure" they had to return for the right reasons. and bring back the thing the band was for. MCR saved my life, how often do we see that? pretty damn frequently. the message is you are not alone. and it feels like ending is losing some of what linked us all together.

"against change (you can wander through the ruins)" again pretty straightforward like don't come back because things will be different, it's easier to wait in the remains of what succeeded even if it was hard.

"we are plagued (but the poison is the cure)" MCR did kind of plague them. All of them had some form of solo work after that or other music collaboration but it was mostly MCR fans who continued to follow the works, they would always be the guys from MCR before maybe the guy who made Hesitant Alien or Stomachaches or Remember the Laughter. And the poison (the band) is the cure. the cure is to come back. wash away the smoldering ruins and rebuild the message and the hope.

the fucking stars. the fucking stars. they're cured. there's hope again, we're not alone. they're cured. they got up. everything's okay.

the stars could be a lot of things metaphorically to be honest. it could also be their true legacy, hiding behind the rain and the storm but now they've cleared away some of the pain associated with the band from it's ending and now it can be remembered as what it should be.

god I need MCR5. sorry for this shitty rant it makes. no sense but. it's also nothing revolutionary just a lot of Thoughts I had that are better to rant about on Tumblr than to my friends who don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.