#they are still very much japanese and have ties to their roots is sexy as fuck

[eggbagelz]

Saw a post that pissed me off anyway shoutout to hiro and tadashi hamada for being canonically mixed race

[variousqueerthings]

Okay, well, what would you prefer then? The Dustmen?

Sleep No More! this season's dedicated spooky episode. I feel like I ought to have vibed more with this one than I did and I dunno why it didn't work with me that well. maybe I powered through s9 too quickly (EDIT: I have now analysed why it didn't work so well for me, ey!)

also: is this the first out trans actor we've had on this show? definitely some things to say about that

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 10/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 4/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 6/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 3/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 3/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 9/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 6/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 10/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 6/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 4/10

FULL RATING: 61/100 (if I can count….)

ok ok let's get into it!

OBJECTIFICATION: see, cured!

PLOT-POINT: I mean, it's a standalone episode that doesn't do much beyond the episode itself, so it doesn't really need to give Clara much development. still, I think in a season in which Clara doesn't have many emotional beats, considering what's coming up in the very next episode... I'd have liked something perhaps

COMPLEXITY: it's complexity lies in its structure and I am nooot convinced by it. there's nothing wrong as such with found footage, but it feels gimmicky very fast, and I think there should have been more done with the fact that the dust was "watching" them

the fact that it's basically the beats of a low-budget horror should have meant I vibed with it more, but I think because in the end a lot of it is just running from place to place while going "whaat is even happening here" makes it feel a bit thin

also the ending is probably an "either you like it or you don't" type ending, so I have nothing against it as such. I think the single-episode characters were thinner than a lot of the other ones we've seen throughout the years, which is kind of a shame, because there is some interesting Stuff to dig into with the wider world they inhabit (which we'll get to) but these are all -- with the exception of Nagata I think -- relatively threadbare. this might also be a feeling arising from the other episodes being two-parters, so we got more time with the "under the lake" gang idk. but maybe actually that's why I'm judging it a bit harsher -- this is a concept I've seen before a few times, done better

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: nothing much here either, although there is a delightful little exchange between Clara and the Doctor right at the beginning that goes like this --

CLARA: Looks like a Japanese restaurant. Oh! Have you brought me to a space restaurant? DOCTOR: People never do that, you know? CLARA: Do what? DOCTOR: They never put the word space in front of something just because everything's all sort of hi-tech and future-y. It's never space restaurant or space champagne or space, you know, hat. It's just restaurant, champagne or hat. Even if this was a restaurant. CLARA: What about spacesuit? DOCTOR: Pedant.

I just think that gives me more on them as characters than often exists in their episodes together, which often feel like they go so fast and are so specific to Plot things, that I've often struggled to engage with their dynamic as ostensibly good friends. this was actually something I highlighted in "the girl who died" which was the way everything with them was constantly framed around danger and high stakes and how that takes me out of understanding what draws Clara to travelling, and this is a little counterpoint to that

COMPANIONS MATTER: ehhhh not really from my memory. she's there.

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: the Doctor just fully runs around like a headless chicken in this one. no that's not fair, he solves most of the puzzle. crucially not the really important piece at the end though, but I'd assume that happened offscreen, as the implications of that ending have never been brought up again on this show to my knowledge

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: couple of tiny references. actually it's more of a big send-up to league of gentlemen, considering Gatiss wrote it and Shearsmith plays the main bad guy

“SEXINESS”: again, cured!

INTERNAL WORLD: I think if this had had more world-building and less attempts at being a PG horror movie it might have been more horrifying actually, because the implications are already horrifying enough. but yeah, this, because of the characters, is quite a thinly built world, made all the more noticeable because the ideas within it are kind of compelling as heck and I do want to know more!

POLITICS: there's a couple of things in this, the first and more intentional of which is it brings up some good horrific capitalist world-building, and I wiiish whatever the story was was actually more about that. I mean, actually there's a really good TV concept on its own in it, that this episode didn't have the time or focus or ability to tell, because it's Doctor Who, we're not spending a season dwelling on the implications of functionally removing sleep from people, but ooooh I'd be interested in a story that did!

the other thing is that this has the somewhat dubious honour of featuring the first ever out trans actor in a lead role, played by Bethany Black, and... hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I mean. I mean. she's a vat-grown grunt referred to with "it" pronouns (and not, I get the sense, because of personal choice, if personal choice came into this in the first place), who "cannot speak properly" because these "grunts" are frequently not... bred well enough? there's a loooot of episodes on Doctor Who that are about personhood and respecting that, and this... is not one of those episodes. 474 is never a focus of the Doctor in this episode, and in fact relatively early on both (she?) and this cis guy who frequently insults her the most (whom she is in love with???) are separated from the others. she then sacrifices herself for this guy, but it doesn't really matter because he's killed anyway shortly afterwards

it's just kinda messy and badly thought-out, but Bethany Black is great, and we know it's going to get better at some point. I want to make a point though as well that Bethany is fat and was in her 30s during this episode I think, and her character is presented in a relatively genderless way and smeared with camouflage paint or oil or smthin (and again, referred to with "it" pronouns), so I don't think a lot of people casually watching would have noticed that this character was a woman (if indeed, the episode understood that), in the sense that obviously trans people should get to play everyone and not "just" have to be prettified in order to be allowed onscreen, but it's a shame we couldn't see a fat trans woman being respected as a woman in this story, or youknow... get to assert her personhood, considering this is Doctor Who, and I hope that the wonderful onscreen transness we're getting will not be equated with thinness and youth exclusively in the future

but like, they could fully bring Bethany Black back as another character and I don't think people would recognise her as having been on the show before, so... do it cowards. you did it with fuckn Capaldi and Gillan and Cribbins and and and...

FULL RATING: 61/100 (if I can count….)

so I did actually check what the feedback to this episode was, and apparently at the time it was the lowest rated episode apart from Love & Monsters, which if anyone has been on this blog for a bit, you know I'm so into that episode. and I think that's worthy of a little comparison, because the thing about Love & Monsters is that while it is a bit gimmicky in format and to the left of a traditional episode, it does all of this in service to something. it's about specific people who exist in the sphere of the Doctor's influence, and that in turn explores a tertiary character (Jackie) who herself occupies a difficult space in this universe. it is, fundamentally, a very very human, softly tragic tale that builds up ideas that we'll return to many times over the course of the show

this episode does not have that. it's characters aren't very fleshed out, its world-building is shallow, and its purpose as the episode before a Very Important Episode seems to be to just. be there. and I think that's its fundamental weakness. if this were in another season, and given some tightening here and there to give it some kind of focus (my preference would be on giving some emotional insights on the Doctor and whoever the Companion is and/or making this very much about the single-episode characters For A Purpose, with the Doctor and Companion taking a backseat) I would have liked it better

as it is I don't dislike it, it's just oddly situated and relatively forgettable to me. Bethany Black should come back though

[mizukagami-takamagahara]

Sorry to bring up the topic but your tags on the Litchi('s boobs) versus Bullet('s ass) post are so true. What ass. If they didn't have her screwing up her entire back in her "battle pose" just to stick it up it'd look basically the same as anyone else's. (Also yeah her boobs are way more noticeable). I don't find that any Blazblue girl actually has much of an ass but I think that's both due to cultural difference on my part and to Mori only knowing the Japanese/anime body type.

So, can I ask for more of your thoughts regarding the Blazblue girls' body types? (And if you want to elaborate on those cultural beauty standards I'd love to read that too!)

Don’t apologize for asking the question, lol. We’re adults here, we can talk about ass an’ titty.

But really! We know that Mori’s mentioned that Litchi’s boobs are his cap for how big he’ll design a woman’s tits, though characters like Nine and Bullet look bigger in some art. I think Bullet’s boobs seem bigger in part because of her usual posture since she’s depicted bending over so much. I remember them being more prominent, but looking at her story sprite alongside Litchi’s, they really are the same. Hell, Litchi may actually still be bigger, given what looks like some serious gobbing out of her bra going on up top there.

As for the cultural beauty standards I mentioned in the earlier tags; the layman’s rundown of it all is that a society’s ideas about the ideal, most attractive body types change as time goes on. Currently, in the west (primarily the USA) we’re in an era of Big Ass, Big Thigh supremacy. I would theorize that this really kicked off with celebrities like the Kardashians, gaining more traction in the late 20-teens as women both within and outside of the celebrity spotlight pushed back against the bodyshaming tied to the “thigh gap” trend that was popular there for a while.

But in the era before that, it was flat asses that everyone was all about. And as I understand it, that’s still the case in Japan! At the very least, it was definitely still the case during BlazBlue’s lifetime.

To really be able to discuss this, I reached out to a good friend of mine who’s been studying the art, culture, and theory behind Japanese animation for a couple of years. I shared this ask with her, and it actually inspired her to start working on a whole essay on the women of BlazBlue and the JP pop culture beauty standards that apply to their designs! Which is, in part, why this reply has taken so long. We’re having fun with it!

For the meantime, here’s an exert from her post, discussing why Bullet qualifies as “the ass character” in a way that doesn’t quite click for a 2020s Western audience:

"Like you said, none of the Blazblue girls really have any (big) butt. In Japan (and in the early 2000s of America! trends…) they tend to prefer flatter butts.

In the opening of Cutie Honey, an anime created in 1970s by Go Nagai that was known for (and was actually at one point canceled for) sexy content, one of the lyrics is “Hey there girl, with the slender behind”. So it’s been in vogue for a hot minute too!

It’s interesting because I think Bullet is supposed to be the butt character, not because it’s particularly round or big, instead it’s her hot pants and the fact she is very fit. This butt is nice, toned but not “”too much”” , and available for viewing!!!

(...) I think it has a little to do with the fact that (typically) Japanese women don’t really have bubble butts, it’s more “normal” to have a flatter butt, but I’m not Japanese so. Grain of salt for this part!!"

Interesting, huh???

This post is already getting pretty long, so I think I'll wrap things up here! Though I do think we'll return to this ask in the future. As mentioned, my friend's working on a whole essay for the BlazBlue girls that we might end up posting on here.

As for myself, I still haven't answered the root question of your post; what I think about the BB girls' bodies. It's something I haven't really thought of a lot... I'm not even sure what angle I would want to take my answer in- do I focus on personal taste, attraction/sex appeal, do I focus on a more cultural or character design angle... how do I account for the way different art styles, even among the games, change the how the character looks...

I think, when I return to this topic, I'll break it apart into separate posts, grouping the girls by debut game. So, if you're interested in silly bloggers' takes on cartoon girls, stay tuned!

And thanks for asking!

[thoughtsofmyown30]

My father was very abusive to women, my mom was treated as a play thing to him out of fear she was his slave and had been broken in by him many times over.

My Father laughed at humiliating and physically pain fully whipping my mom. He had her clean the house nude his sadist nature reminded her to never hesitate or let him see her question his command. I had seen my mother crawling on her knees and hands a dog collar and leash attached my father leading her around all day treating her as a real dog she ate from bowls on the floor he forced her to use the yard as her bathroom, she wore a tail held by a large metal bulb that was in her bottom he locked her in a dog cage when she upset him or to show off his pet to his work friends. I hear her sobbing and crying out as father whipped her body and her private parts using enemas ginger root plugs icy hot hot sauce restraining cuffs nipple piercing attached to a chain that was hooked to her private parts. His blood daughter from a previous marriage was treated the same way. Sexual physical mental emotional broken and trained to be his slave. Disobedience was harshly punished he had other ppl just to come over and watch him beat his slaves and watch them suffer then fear driving them making them degrade humiliated displayed naked treated and dressed up as teen girls or dogs. Both forced to sexually play with each other and others as well as there master. He was the town judge so no one gave him any issue no matter what it may have been. My mom and sister had been forced to be knotted for his bday gift anal alway. He took pictures and video recording the event as later using as black mail to make them fear what ppl would say if they ever saw them. It always worked and both would be doing more perverted twisted kinky humiliation in stead.

I was told to watch or join in be a man and use his house slaves if I refused he would be insulted and they where treated worse for it.

So I sometimes would start whipping there ass already shredded by father but taking more as I made sure he felt I was doing it 100% the would be incoherently sobbing begging mercy.

I was using meth at 13 years old my mom and sister where kept coked up to make them feel more able to obey deal with pain easy and earn the drug that made them feel numb but was the very thing making them degrade themselves to make it easier to get abused..

My father was a souless pos. My first gf was 13 I was 16 she was a run away from many miles away her past was daily second by second a living hell.

She asked if I could get her high she was. Cute and very sexy submissive and obedient off the bat to me. I told her that I was looking for a gf if she wanted the job she would have a home with me. She agreed great ful for my offering she knelt down and orally sucked swallowed and kissed my cock as a that was all she could do to make me feel like she

Was great ful. I told her before I took her to my father's home what she would be seeing. She looked at me and said she was only going to serve me my pleasure my stress my boredom was to be taken out on her. She was raped by family friends and beat as well daily. If she was going to be treated that way she was at least going to say who could have her willing to be treated that way by me. She was new to meth and I still was but I was 3 years plus every day night I could be doing it. My body was used to the training grounds if meth. She was so horny and the meth made her body freely behaving as she tried to get me aroused ensuring her body was used. She saw my father walking in the kitchen mom was bent over and being fked anally hard and fast her body whipped freshly marked tears rolled down her face my sister tounge deeply in side her father's ass licking as he roughly as he could pounding her ass hole his fat long thick cock stretched out mom his tip was almost as fat making it hurt when he pulled out doing it often to add to the pain pushing it back in spit and her pussy juice only lube she was going to get. Enemas before anal always two if needed rinsed by a hose in the yard, I loud and proud told my father who never stopped fking his slave smiled and said he was proud of me finally his eyes saw a man now that I had said this was my first and new slave she was to be living with me 24/7 daisy watched my father drilling his wife father noticed and barked at her for staring she yelped scaring her and apologizing calling him Lord as his new title he loved it and allowed her to call him that. I sold a lot of dope and always had drugs money and nice shit older women and younger always trying to find out how they could be the one who could secure me and my money for them to ride easy in life. I did that shit cuzz I wished for death so I tested mortality every living second I could.

Yeah I'm fucked up morally and I admit I started to see why father enjoys his slaves. My new toy was waking me up by making my cock her priority, she stayed in my room if I left high good in my fridge and I had my own shower washing drying machine t.v computer internet. So she was not board.

I came home every time even after I was gone days in a row to see a naked girl laied out belts paddles straps tied her self up and had been ordering a list of adult toys to be used on her to better keep my interest. She loved being fked anally hard until she was crying it sore hurting badly my cum filled her ass her mouth cleaned my cock every time I finished cumming in her ass. She gave her enemas before I was home to stay clean shaved her ass pussy and body or waxed it. I bought my own apartment to sell my dope out if and when I took her to my money spring she saw women come hang out and flirt with me using sex there body pretty and they where perverted some more then me trying to sell sex or be a good trade they get high and stay and will do anything I could think of no matter what it was in return. Daisy mad yelled at one of my regular friends who I liked as a friend she was cool and we joked about that shit I told her to earn 5 grams all she had to do was strip that girl naked and paddle her bottom hard fast and long until she agreed to behave like you referred to my friend. Jenny grabbing that girl pulled her over her lap tearing her clothes off roughly holding her ass down pinning her with strength alone and infront of all the people I had in my place she thrashed that girl scolded her daisy blushed sobbing begging to be let go daisy was reduced to involuntarily calling jenny Mommy pleading with her as she regressed to a young child. I had an idea and paying in dope jenny was to teach my girl how to conduct her self. Daily once at my money tree farm daisy was training to be craving for a painful whipping it was my wish to have a girl crave pain and humiliation making it pleasure to her broken mind. Jenny had that cunt lesson fully learned in under 2 months I said I wanted a pet a fully functional trained puppy slut. 7 months daily training lessons daisy obeying her hit teacher who had broke her will by using a harsh whipping on her ass down her pussy lips and thighs inner her clit butt hole beat hard to break her of any hesitation or thought of not obeyed respected eagerly awaiting to serve the pain of a whipping was done to a point that she feared that lvl and would obey as to not earn that stage ever again. Jenny said for 13 ounces of premium ice she would be at my call anytime or place to deal with the naked bitch I had drooling over my boots licking my fingers and playing fetch with a small skinny rubber dildo.

I after thought agreed to a ounce every two months in trade for jenny to take a month off and training my bitch every way possible then I would pay her a fat ounce and she would return two months later to train daisy in something new. Even bringing a young girl her age to turn daisy bisexual. Other older and cruel men I felt with often brought there sluts with them showing off your slaves willing ness to obey any task given to it was bragging rights and showed how much control you maintain as well. Blacks mexicans whites and a Japanese guy I liked having with brought there slave new or one that was never failing to please her master would be brought on party nights and showed off for the party favor. We had drugs cash every where liqure and music the basement refurbished into a bar and striper club poles and kinky shit everywhere to treat a slave as a fking slave. 7 bitches drugged up until they hit the max lvl making them degrade themselves as we watched playing cards they crawling naked crying as there skin was bruised from a belt or other implements cages liking them in to gags so the animals where quite. The jap okatuk brought his sister her friend both whom looked young and feared okatuk as he threatening to beat them both and both fear overwhelmed them crying as they showed off playing with each other. Japs look so young and even if they where I loved training Young girls to be sluts at still a young age in that concern. We party hard two weeks straight was normal.

[kaibutsushidousha]

Artbook data - Korekiyo Shinguuji

Him of all people gets the best comment so far.

Seiyuu’s comment: Ken’ichi Suzumura

I could finally perform in DanganRonpa! I remember a member of the production telling me “Please voice a character in our series some day” years ago (laughs). Thank you very much for remembering me. As the Super High School Level Anthropologist, Korekiyo Shinguuji-kun is mysterious. The instruction I got from the production was “Emphasize on his cool points, while still making him creepy”. He was wonderfully fun to play.

Kodaka’s comment: In the interstice between creepiness and aesthetic

Shunguuji’s character setting is a combination of multiple sorts of imagery... underground culture, anthropology, archaic, visual kei. His name is also a vivid reminder of history and anthropology. His sprite poses were made thinking in various things, but above all, poses from visual kei bands. The mask was Komatsuzaki’s idea and I decided to make it relevant to the story. I had already decided to make chapter 3 feel like a Japanese horror movie, so I need a character who were familiar with nursery songs. As you presume, I decided to have a Super High School Level Anthropologist to fill that job.

One of the characteristics I added to make his character more unique was having their gobis be written in katakana, but I was second-guessing about this a lot. It was overblown, it was really overblown. However, it fit well with Suzumura-san’s amazing performance and it became a speaking style fun to imitate, so I think the result was a great success. By the way, I prepared a plenty of creepy character moments for him, but the staff kept telling me he was already creepy enough with only the main story stuff, so I toned it down some. Maybe it’s just me that loves this kind of underground story character too much. I thought he would be well-received among the fans of Suehiro Maruo’s mangas, but I still haven’t seen any comment saying that so far.

 Also, I wanted to make his character moments be about forbidden love, just like it usually was Shouwa underground movies and stage plays. I put some meaningful line in the first half of the script as foreshadowing. His loving sister throws salt at him during his execution, but... it’s ambiguous wether she is the real deal or controlled by Monokuma. Assuming she was real, that exorcism was her way of expressing her anger, saying “What the hell are you doing, murdering people and saying this about my feelings somehow?”. But regardless of whether she is real or not, we know for sure that summoning the person most dear to him is Monokuma’s pestering.

Design notes:

Regulation cap: A military-style school cap matching the design of his uniform. He is always wearing, so seeing him without is a rare sight to behold.

Armband: The armband in his right arm comes from his old school, the Yuuhigaoka Academy. It matches perfectly the uniform his beloved sister arranged for him.

Mysterious Mask: A mask that completely covers his important parts, from the the neck to the mouth. He has a variety of masks for a variety scenes of his daily life, like eating, sleeping, exercising and etc. Do you want to see his face he never exposes?

Underwear: Shinguuji’s favorite bikini bottom. It has a stoic color and sexy form. It represents the work of his life: the multifacetedness of humanity.

Long Black Hair: A jet black long hair is synonym with the archaic image of beauty, that still maintains a deep-seated popularity. It fits Shinguuji’s feminine feel so much that it puts his female colleagues to shame.

Bandages: Both of his arms are always wrapped in bandages, although it’s really unlikely that he is actually injured. As he is a cultural anthropologist, the implication is that this is related to sorcery. 

Boots: Long boots to go with his uniform. The rare design with the zipper in the center is has an effect of making the already tall and slender Shinguuji look even taller.

Favorite Presents:

Toko no Monogatari: An academic collection of ancient popular customs, tradition, legends and saying related to gender. It super exciting for its academic value.

Haniwa Dancing Excessively: Pottery made mainly during the Kofun Era, said to imitate the moves of dancing energetically. As it is a historical piece, hand it to Shinguuji as soon as possible.

Monkey’s Paw: A mummified disembodied monkey hand that grants you any 3 wishes. Maybe he has some wish he absolutely wants fullfilled regardless of the high price?

Hated Present:

Air Exorcising Spray: An air freshener spray. One of its ingredients is holy water, so it has an effect of repelling ghost and apparitions. On the day you use it carelessly, Shinguuji will be furious!

Key Phrases:

My Beloved Mythology: Anthropology, Shinguuji’s field of talent, is a subject that studies the history behind traditions and costums presents in daily life. In other words, to be well versed in this discipline, you must be in direct contact with people and their home lives. By the way, it’s well known that common points can be found in the legends and folklore passed down even to these days and one of the intertwining legends he seems to be focused on are the “Hainuwele archetype”. These are legends abouts gods who defecate food and the seed of food is obtaining by killing them. They are present in almost every land with few variations, with the Japanese versions being Ohogetsuhime and Ukemochi. Shinguuji laughing a creepy laugh filled with hidden meaning, but when he is talking about anthropology, his delivery truly shows why he’s got a Super High School Level talent!

Fascinated by Ropes: One of the influences Shinguuji’s constant fieldwork had in his life was ropes. He had the extreme experience of being “tied” in some land, based on a tradition of welcoming guests with ropes, and it was quite an unforgettable one. As a good anthropologist, he of course has a good understanding of the formal costums rooted in people’s souls, but for that very reason, we wish he would tone down his creepy excitement whenever he sees any kind of rope, be it a tsuna or just a wire...

He can tell the lenghty and sturdyness of any rope just by looking... That’s impressive, but what kinds of tradition involves tying people?

The Perfect Getup!: In other to maintain a peaceful life in the Saishuu Academy, everyone leaves their room at 8A.M. after the morning announcement to eat breakfast. Someone like Saihara, who stays up late, wakes up with the announcement. Shinguuji, however, wakes up 6(!) and spends an entire hour getting dressed. Quite the fashionista for a man. It takes a lot of time in the morning to get his glossy black hair and his impecably pleated special uniform all perfect. Doing it so composedly with no hurry or haste might be a daily cultural tradition.

The Nailbrush, the Hand Mirror and the Sewing Kit are among his liked items. We can assume that’s just the proper ettiquette of an intelectual boy?

A Mask’s Secret is a Man’s Secret: When you think Shinguuji, you think of his trademark pitch-black mask. He actually is always bringing a number of them on his person for multiple purposes (one for eating, one for bathing, one for sleeping, one for exercising, etc.). Furthermore, when he is eating, his mouth can never be seen, regardless of whether the zipper is open or closed... What’s the reason for all this work?!  And the secret to how he eats or drinks?! Saihara definitely is not the only one curious!

Main Quotes:

“Aah! Marvelous! I can’t believe ‘this’ really existed“: One of the costums Shinguuji has been longing for, the Kagonoko. 200 years ago, a small village called Ryuuken Village, apparently specialized in curses and incantations, was destroyed. He personally researched it and even managed to obtain a copy of one ancient spellbook. Maybe as reward to his zeal, his laboratory had more than just valuable anthropology documents, it had all sorts of tools related to the kagonoko legend, enshrined in mint condition! He is too overjoyed to ask Monokuma how did he managed to obtain all that. He is completely entranced by it with an uneraseable sarcastic smile on his face. He calls it a “trick of fate”.

“A precious person I love... so much, so much... from the bottom of my heart...“: Shinguuji is so interested in anthropology that it sometimes seems like he is not as interested in the currently living people. However, he does have someone he declares his earnest love to with the same intensity he talks about anthropology, She is “inside him“! Could this mean... here?!

Final comment: The most aesthetic boy in the cast: Shinguuji. He is remarkably beautiful, although you can’t see it through his creepy smile. If only he had a more approachable personality.

[orbemnews]

Janet Yellen Drops Hints What Janet Yellen thinks The Treasury secretary opened the DealBook DC Policy Project yesterday, one of the few media interviews she has given since taking the job last month. Although she was typically understated in her conversation with Andrew, she dropped hints about some of her biggest priorities. Here’s what we think she’s planning: On jobs: Ms. Yellen said that the goal was to “get unemployment down to the levels we enjoyed prior to the crisis.” But she’s looking beyond the headline unemployment rate at bigger, broader numbers, and believes that the government has capacity to take on even more debt — suggesting she’ll push for more stimulus and other policies to goose the economy. On taxes: Don’t expect Ms. Yellen to support an Elizabeth Warren-style wealth tax. But the Treasury secretary suggested that she might support closing some loopholes in the tax code, including carried interest and, intriguingly, the “stepped up” basis of estate transfers. On crypto: Ms. Yellen dismissed Bitcoin, calling it an “extremely inefficient way of conducting transactions.” But she said it “makes sense” to consider a so-called digital dollar run by the central bank, in the first comments she has appeared to make about the idea. This could lead to “faster, safer and cheaper payments,” she said, an important statement of intent for crypto regulation in the coming years. Highlights from the other sessions yesterday: “It’s not my objective to run Amazon out of town.” The attorney general of New York, Letitia James, talked about protecting people against powerful business interests, including her recent suit against Amazon over workplace safety during the pandemic. “These big tech companies stifle competition, innovation, creativity,” she said. “Our product is missed.” The C.E.O. of Delta, Ed Bastian, spoke about the future of travel and about when the airline would start selling middle seats again. “The pent-up need and urge and desire to travel is like never before,” he said, though he noted that virus fears would make international travel slower to recover than domestic flights. “It is troubling to me — very troubling — that people don’t believe government numbers.” Microsoft’s former chief, Steve Ballmer, founded the nonprofit USAFacts to make economic data more accessible and understandable. In a chart-filled chat, he ran down the numbers on economic growth, jobs and more in an attempt to identify priorities for stimulus spending, minimum-wage policies and the like. To watch video replays of all the sessions, visit our live briefing. HERE’S WHAT’S HAPPENING The U.S. reaches a grim pandemic milestone. More than 500,000 people have died from Covid-19, the worst absolute death toll in the world. President Biden marked the moment with a solemn ceremony at the White House. Donald Trump loses a final bid to shield his tax returns. The Supreme Court rejected the former president’s effort to prevent Manhattan’s district attorney, Cyrus Vance, from obtaining his financial records. Just as important, Mr. Vance could get access to additional records from Mr. Trump’s accountants. Facebook and Australia reach a compromise over sharing news stories. The social network agreed to restore users’ ability to post news links after Australia agreed to minor concessions on a law that would require tech platforms to pay for articles that appear on their sites. BlackRock clarifies its climate change goals. A spokesman for the money-management giant told The Times’s Peter Eavis and Cliff Krauss that its “ambition” was to have its entire investment portfolio reach net zero emissions by 2050. But many corporate giants either haven’t set emissions targets or are struggling to meet their stated goals. SoftBank nears a settlement with Adam Neumann of WeWork. The Japanese tech giant is close to an agreement to buy half as much of Mr. Neumann’s stake in WeWork than previously agreed. A deal could help pave the way for SoftBank to sell WeWork to a SPAC. Victoria’s Secret reaches out to private equity again Less than a year after the pandemic doomed an effort to sell Victoria’s Secret to the investment firm Sycamore Partners, the lingerie chain’s owner, L Brands, will again test private equity’s appetite for the business, DealBook has learned. L Brands’ bankers at Goldman Sachs will begin formally pitching buyout firms about a potential takeover as soon as this week, according to people with knowledge of the matter. L Brands said this month that it was weighing a sale or spinoff of Victoria’s Secret by August, as it focuses on its faster-growing Bath & Body Works division. In a statement, L Brands’s C.F.O., Stuart Burgdoerfer, said that Victoria’s Secret had “substantially increased its valuation” and that L Brands was still evaluating all options for the business. Victoria’s Secret has embarked on a turnaround since the Sycamore sale collapsed. A priority has been overhauling its brand, as younger customers shunned its overtly sexy products for alternatives focused on comfort and criticized its marketing as exclusionary. The lingerie market is in demand. A recent investment valued Rihanna’s Savage x Fenty brand at $1 billion, for example. For prospective buyers, Victoria’s Secret remains a well-known label with a sizable market share. But potential acquirers may have one lingering concern: the continuing investigations and shareholder lawsuits about the ties between L Brands’ chairman, Les Wexner, and Jeffrey Epstein. “It’s just embarrassingly bad.” — Jennifer Doleac, an economist at Texas A&M, who co-wrote a study that found women presenting research at economics seminars faced more questions than men and were more likely to receive questions that were patronizing or hostile. A record SPAC deal gets the cold shoulder Wall Street has wondered for months what Churchill Capital IV, a nearly $2 billion SPAC, would buy. But after it finally confirmed that it would merge with the electric carmaker Lucid, investors soured on the news — a potential turning point for the blank-check boom. The deal will take Lucid public at a $24 billion valuation, one of the biggest SPAC transactions to date. To finance the deal, Churchill Capital IV set a record for a so-called PIPE, raising money from Saudi Arabia’s sovereign wealth fund, BlackRock, Fidelity and others. But Churchill Capital IV’s shares tumbled 30 percent in after-hours trading following the announcement. That wasn’t down to surprise — news reports about a merger with Lucid have been around for weeks — but may instead be rooted in the financial terms of the deal: The PIPE investors paid the equivalent of $15 per share, a premium to the SPAC’s net asset value, but nearly 75 percent below where Churchill Capital IV’s stock was trading before the announcement. (That said, shares in Churchill Capital IV had soared in recent weeks, thanks in part to recommendations on Reddit forums.) Andrew’s take: “Hey CCIV investors: You realize the PIPE investors, who actually got to see the books of Lucid, paid $15 a share while they literally watched retail buy at $40 and $50 and $60 a share? I’ve mentioned before these structures can create misalignment. Not always. But sometimes.” The big question: Is the bloom coming off the SPAC boom? The Lucid deal may turn out to be a good investment in the long term. But any increase in skepticism about blank-check funds could endanger the stratospheric growth in the sector. In other SPAC news, DealBook’s Lauren Hirsch writes about today’s $8.5 billion deal between Ardagh, which makes cans used by drink brands like LaCroix and White Claw, and a blank-check fund run by the serial SPAC founder Alec Gores. Bitcoin’s bad energy Among the reasons Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen is skeptical of the promise of Bitcoin (see above) is its energy use. As she told Andrew yesterday, “It’s an extremely inefficient way to conduct transactions and the amount of energy consumed in those transactions is staggering.” The more Bitcoin is worth, the more energy is burned. “Bitcoin is energy inefficient by its very nature,” Charles Hoskinson, the C.E.O. of the blockchain engineering firm IOHK, told DealBook. “The more its price rises, the more competition there is for the currency, leading its energy requirements to rise exponentially.” So-called miners use computers to solve increasingly complex mathematical puzzles to verify transactions, earning Bitcoin for the work. This consumes huge amounts of energy, equivalent to a midsize country’s power use. One Bitcoin transaction has the carbon footprint of 700,000 Visa payments, said Alex de Vries, an economist who created the Bitcoin Energy Consumption Index. (Smaller estimates still reckon it’s in the tens of thousands of equivalent credit card transactions.) “The Bitcoin network already requires half the amount of electrical energy to operate as all global data centers combined,” Mr. de Vries asserted. Miners could migrate to renewable power sources, but he cautioned that such operations need cheap and consistent power. And there is an electronic waste issue: Bitcoin mining requires highly specialized equipment that has a short life span and can’t be repurposed. At the time of writing, the price of Bitcoin is down sharply, nearly 20 percent off the high it set this weekend. THE SPEED READ Deals Politics and policy Dominion Voting Systems sued Mike Lindell, the C.E.O. of MyPillow, for $1.3 billion over his public touting of baseless election fraud claims involving the voting machine maker. (NYT) Tech What “nonfungible tokens” are, and why people are paying thousands of dollars for them. (NYT) Remember Long Blockchain, the onetime iced-tea company that refocused on crypto technology? It was delisted by the S.E.C. for failing to report its financials. (Bloomberg) Best of the rest Just one U.S. company went public with an all-male board last year. (Bloomberg) There’s a glut of luxury New York City homes being put up for sale by hedge fund tycoons moving to Florida. (WSJ) “Is McKinsey losing its mystique?” (FT) We’d like your feedback! Please email thoughts and suggestions to dealbook@nytimes.com. Source link Orbem News #DROPS #Hints #Janet #Yellen

[avva-rm]

Jean Seberg Talks Breathless–Back in 1968

Harry Clein May 28, 2010 8:30 am

Back in 1968, veteran Hollywood publicist Harry Clein recalls, he visited the set of big-budget musical Paint Your Wagon to interview young actress Jean Seberg (star of Jean-Luc Godard’s Breathless, which is being reissued). A transcript follows, including a visit from her co-stars, Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood (with whom Seberg denied having an affair).

As the Summer of Protest rocked the Chicago Democratic Convention and feminists stormed the Miss America Pageant, I was in Baker, Oregon reporting on the big-budget musical Paint Your Wagon as a leg man for Los Angeles Times columnist Joyce Haber. Like Jane Fonda, Seberg was on J. Edgar Hoover’s subversives list, due to her involvement with the Black Panthers. After I left Haber in the spring of 1969, Haber ran a destructive blind item that ruined Seberg’s life: The blond and beautiful “Miss A,” she wrote, was pregnant by “a prominent Black Panther.” At the funeral for her stillborn daughter, Seberg displayed the white baby in a glass coffin; her husband Romain Gary claimed the baby as his. After that, the fragile actress repeatedly tried to commit suicide, often on the anniversary of the baby’s birth. In 1979, at age 40, she was found dead of a prescription overdose in the back seat of her car in Paris, holding a suicide note.

But that dusty August day back in 1968, I was just a callow young man infatuated with the beautiful, sexy and worldly star of Breathless, who although she was my age, had already played opposite Belmondo, Beatty and Connery. Munching two green apples for lunch, Jean, in blue jeans and a red shirt, sat on the stairs to her trailer and harmonized on “My Funny Valentine” with a couple of hippie extras strumming a guitar and rubbing a washboard.

Jean Seberg: They come over for an occasional shower.  I’d never deny that to any hippie.  I do see a healthy movement among the scruffy young in the sense it is the first generation whose values aren’t material. But the whole drug scene is a drag.  It’s a cop out.  I’d rather see a friend run down by a car than on drugs like heroin or speed.”

Harry Clein: Breathless put you at the center of the French New Wave.  Were you surprised?

JS: I was out of work and needed the money.  The producer asked Columbia, which then owned my old Preminger contract, if I was available.  He gave Columbia a choice of $12,000 or 50% of the world profits.  With great foresight, Columbia took the $12,000. It was shot for $76,000 in five weeks.  Most of the time we worked half days.  We’d break and sit around in cafes.  One day the producer saw us, it was his last card, and he got into a fistfight with Godard because we weren’t working.

HC: Why did the French fall in love with you?  

JS: I know they loved the short hair.  It was very daring then because of the concentration camp memories.  Maybe they were happy because I married a French man [Romain Gary]. I’m just happy people think of me at all.  I’m just happy to get jobs.

HC: What was it like making Saint Joan after winning the big talent contest?

JS: I didn’t do it.  Some pimply-faced kid from Iowa did it.

HC: Are you still in touch with Otto Preminger, who discovered you?

JS: We nod across crowded commissaries.

HC: You also made Bonjour Tristesse with him. Was that a better experience?

JS: I was in it, but I was all tied up with that dashing young playboy [Francois Moreuil] who dashed away. I would have broken your heart. I was a pathetic soul.  Everyone disapproved.  Which naturally pushed me on. He was a good friend when I didn’t have good friends.  He’s a very nice man, and when we were married, he was a very nice boy.  I was a crazy girl. It was really a baby marriage, not even a childhood marriage. He did a foolish thing.  He wanted to meet Romain Gary, the French Consul General in Los Angeles.  We made a call on him with the beautiful eyes, who became the father of my son (Diego).

Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood came over as junket reporters from Oakland and Charlotte trailed after them. Eastwood’s vocabulary to the press in those days consisted of pleasant hellos, yeahs and nos, and there was absolutely no indication he would become a two-time Oscar-winning director. Marvin and Eastwood had flown down the night before to Los Angeles for a party honoring Toshiro Mifune who had made Hell in the Pacific with Marvin.

Lee Marvin: You and Claudia Cardinale are Mifune’s favorite actresses!

JS: Toshiro Mifune likes me!  If he comes up, I’ll bake him a Japanese pie. What was I doing here in Baker?  I wish I had gone with you.

LM (playfully):  “No.  You couldn’t have.  I paid for the plane.

JS (haughtily):  That proves you’re not a star.

LM: I don’t have to take that from a runway starlet.

My Baker interview ended when the six actresses who played French whores made a sensational helicopter landing on the set.  The hormone-stoked male crew and cast cheered as the voluptuous women stepped out onto the Oregon dust in their high boots and their lavender, orange and yellow micro-dresses.  

JS: It looks like Raquel Welch hitting Viet Nam!

My interview continued on Election Day, November 5, 1968 at Jean’s rented pink California colonial house on Coldwater Canyon. By the backyard pool, Jean was barefoot, wearing a floppy gray hat, jeans and a red gingham shirt tied at the waist. But she was not as fancy-free as she had been on set.  A darker more reflective mood had set in.

JS: Bobby Kennedy is the guy I’ll be thinking about most today. I found him very candid and, surprisingly, he didn’t think he had a hope in hell of getting the nomination in Chicago because of the Johnson-Humphrey machine. Politically, as they say on television, there’s a breakdown in communications between the electorate and the candidates. But this is still the country where people live the best, despite the gaping flaws.  I’ve friends who live all over.  But after they leave America, they realize it.  They come back.

HC: Didn’t you go to a White House dinner when John Kennedy was president?

JS: Kennedy was a pragmatist.  We can only speculate, but I think he would have seen earlier that there would be no military conclusion to the war.  That would have saved the maimed and killed on both sides.  My God, on television each night the body counts are like racking up scores for either side.

HC: Despite the problems on Paint Your Wagon, how do you feel about it?

JS: I’ve finished all my work.  Lee and Clint took me out to lunch the other day. I was sobbing.  It was kind of like leaving summer camp. I was a basket case.  I had freedom by the end of the picture.  Lee is hard to work with.  He plays broad, but it doesn’t look that way on the screen.  Working with Lee is like being in the Army for four years.  He enriches your vocabulary so much. It’s turned into such a big picture.  When the weather was bad in Oregon, there was the rumor Paramount was negotiating to buy God.

HC: Any other films on the horizon?

JS: I’ve a second commitment to Paramount.  Jim Brown has asked me to do Lions Three, Christians Nothing (a love story about a black NFL quarterback and a white actress).   But I’ve got to have a big powwow with him about it.  It could say good things, but it’s a firecracker. There are strong truths in it that I’d hate to see sensationalized. I had a talk with Sammy Davis.  We agreed it would be ten years before the right story of an interracial romance could be told as it is.  The point being that when people are in love they are color-blind.  But we’re so hung up on the black-white sexual obsession.

HC: Is Romain coming to Los Angeles while you’re here?

JS: Romain’s film Birds in Peru opens soon in New York.  It’s breaking records in Paris.  I hope it does well here. It’s about non-compassionate love. It’s a ritualistic dance of fate of a frigid woman who seeks a man who will be the key to awakening her.  She has periodic crises of nymphomania.  She has a pact with her husband that if her nymphomania happens again, to kill her.  It may be shocking to some people. Romain’s work is very impressive. I was terrified working with him. I wanted him to do it with someone else. But he turned out to be more visual than I expected. He is a very sensitive director. I hope to work with him again.  

HC: What is the state of your marriage?

JS: We reached an ideal with what marriage should be.  But the pressures of our careers kept us from it.  We remain the closest of friends.  Loving friends. The three month period he was in Majorca and I was in Baker was a trial separation. He’s basically a loner. We can accept our relationship on every level but the marriage level. The marriage was over when I spoke to you in Baker…The French have a nice way of putting things.  Whenever a man presents his woman, he refers to her as ma femme.  It’s the same word for both mistress and wife. The French also say ‘never apologize, never explain.’ The French say an awful lot of dumb things…The superb thing about Romain was that he created this Frankenstein.  He pushed me to develop my own tastes. This inevitably created conflict. I have this character flaw.  I’m a ship without a rudder if there’s not a man there.  It’s my nature to mold myself around a man.  

HC: Have you ever thought of moving to Los Angeles?

JS: Only when I am very tired like right now, I say ‘why go, why not stay?’  This town… Los Angeles, Hollywood… I find beautiful.  I’m overawed by the variety of plants and flowers.  But I find the total preoccupation with the industry to be a drag. Since my son is raised as a European, I’ll spend time there.  I made a oath to Romain that Diego would be raised in Europe. I feel as if I’m a cork in the middle of the Atlantic.  When I come back here, I realize I’m so American.  To the French, I am a French actress.  But my roots are here in America.  Even if I wanted to think they aren’t, they are very much so. Do you know the old story about the chameleon?  Put the chameleon on green, he turns green; put him on black, he turns black; put him on red and he turns red.  Place the chameleon on plaid, and he explodes.

HC: What’s next?

JS: This is a paid advertisement.  Any man who sends me flowers every day can have me.  No diamonds, no jets, no Bentleys.  Also I am hooked on good manners.  I don’t mean opening car door good manners, I mean opening of hearts good manners. But I’ve learned a little on the way. I’m a lot less selfish, more giving. And if he’s someone who wants children, I’m now prepared to have piles of them. Maybe it’s a biological thing.  Maybe the career just means less at a time when it should mean more. That, too, is a paid advertisement.

The next time – and unfortunately last time – I saw Jean Seberg I took her a single white rose.

[tube-thoughts-blog]

tube thoughts vol. 1

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking,   2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

(note: I may have overrated some Hollywood blockbusters, like Marvel films, at a time when I was starved of the big budget spectacle coming off a time when I hadn't much time to watch movies. After nearly 30 volumes of new & old movies plus tv shows, I would not waste time or money or overhype my enjoyment of anything mainstream & popular just because all the bells & whistles woo'd me... I hope. Hey, I even avoided seeing the first new 20tens Star Wars reboot in theaters & on home video so far. That's saying  something. Maybe I restored some integrity even though I still have arguably cheesy taste.)

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

"The People vs. George Lucas" *Case dismissed*  3 stars

"Flash Gordon" 1980 *Holy Joe Namath*  3 stars

"One Million Ac/Dc" *Psssss, wanna see naked pictures of your sister?*  3 stars

Jan Svankmajer "Conspirators of Pleasure"  3 stars

Kolchak The NightStalker"Horror in the Heights" *Sasquatch in disguise*  3 stars

"The Exorcist 3" starring George C. Scott and Brad Dourif *Invitation to the dance*  3 stars

Lost and Found Video Night Vol. 6* Safety and cynicism*  2 1/2 stars

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 The Secret of the Ooze" *An xl double cheese with mutated fish paste delivered to Dr. Moreau of Long Island."*  2 1/2 stars

Mark Borchardt "Coven" *Stephen King's Clerks* 2 stars

"Raw Meat" featuring Donald Pleasance *A subway Sawney Bean*  3 stars

"The Curious Dr. Humpp" *Sci fi nudie horror Prequel to a boner infomercial* 2 1/2 stars

Dario Argento's "Opera" *Puts the eye in Italian*  3 stars

"Bronies: The Extremely Unexpected Adult Fans of MyLittle Pony" *Dignifies the derided, but do they deserve it?* 2 1/2 stars

"The Garbage Pail Kids" *"Did I do that?" Urkel. It's that level of annoying.* 1 1/2 stars

"Johnny Mnemonic" Japanese cut *Robo-dolfphin FTW! Dolph Lundgren MVP.*  3 stars

"Hellraiser: Bloodline" *Event Horizon: A New Hope* 2 stars

"Thundercrack" sexploitation* Scat on a hot tin roof*  2 stars

Kevin Smith's "Red State" *Superbad in Waco circa 1993*  3 stars

"Buckeroo Banzai" *"Leftfield entertainment"*  3 stars

Harmony Korine's "Mister Lonely" *"The Lord wants us to jump out of a plane without a parachute."*   3 stars

Star Wars 'Downfall of the Old Republic' fan edit *makes the prequels almost seem tolerable*  2 stars

Joe Bob's Summerschool with surprise guest Eugene Levy Kenneth Branagh and Frank Darabont present "Mary Shelley's Frankenstein" featuring Robert Deniro as the monster between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

rifftrax presents"The Grudge" starring Bill Pullman and Buffy *"This movie dishes out horror by the thimble full."* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 without

"The ABC'S of Death"'

'A Is For Apocalypse'- Nacho Vigalondo 3 stars

'B is for Bigfoot' Adrian Garcia Bogliano 2 1/2 stars

'C is for Cycle' Ernesto Diaz Espinoza 3 stars

'D is for Dogfight' Marcel Sarmiento 2 1/2 stars

'E is for Exterminate' Angela Bettis 2 stars

'F is for Fart' Noburu Iguchi 1 1/2 stars

'G is for Gravity' Andrew Traucki 1/2 a star

'H is for Hydro electric diffusion' Thom Malling 2 1/2'

'I is for Ingrown' Jorge Michel Grau 3 stars

'J is jidai geki aka samurai movie' Yudai Yamaguchi 2 stars

'K is for Klutz' Anders Morganthaler 2 stars

'L is for Libido' Timo Tjahjanto 3 stars

'M is for Miscarriage' Ti West zero stars

'N is for Nuptials' Bajong Pisanthankun 2 1/2 stars

'O is Orgasm' Bruno Forzani and Helene Cattet 2 1/2 stars

'P is for Pressure' Simon Rumley 2 stars

'Q is for Quack' Adam Wingard 1 star

'R is for Removed' Srdjan Spasojevic 3 stars

'S is for Speed' Jake West 2 stars

'T is for Toilet' Lee Hardcastle 3 stars

'U is for Unearthed' Ben Wheatley 2 1/2 stars

'V is for Vagitus' Kaare Andrews 3 stars best so far

'W is for WTF!' Jon Schnepp 2 stars'

'X is for XXL' Xavier Gens either zero or 2 1/2 stars

'Y is for Young Buck' Jason Eisner either zero or 3 stars

'Z is for Zetsumetsu aka extinction' Yoshi Nishimura 2 1/2

Masters of Horror Joe Dante's "The Screwfly Solution "*It's not nice to screw with Mother Nature*  3 stars

Kolchak: The Night Stalker "The Energy Eater" *Indian Giver*  2 1/2 stars

Cannon films "White of the Eye" starring David Keith *Twangy Giallo* 3 stars

Don Coscarelli's "Phantasm 2" *Yellow No. 5*   3 stars

rifftrax presents Ed Wood's "Plan 9: From Outer Space" *"Eck, shouldn't have microwaved that twinkie!"* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace "Scotch Mist" *"Sometimes you have to be a bigot to beat a bigger bigot."* 2 1/2 stars

John Carpenter's "Prince of Darkness" *Bill Nye the exorcism guy*  3 stars

Twin Peaks: "Slaves and Masters" *War of Northern Aggression*  3 stars

Don Mancini's "Curse of Chucky" *Charles Lee Ray returns to his roots. I was sort of hoping this was a direct sequel to part 3 with Bride and Seed not happening, but the reveal of the stitches and  some other story elements proved otherwise. Oh, well. Nice touch with the backstory and Brad Dourif running around looking like an even creepier Tommy Wiseau in the 80s. The cameos are either a nice homage to the series or needless fan service and not knowing when to quit.*   3 stars (minus maybe half a star for the after credits sequence)

"Waterpower" xxx  Jamie Gillis is The Enema Bandit *Freedom of the body... freedom of '76. This movie was brought to you by the mafia and Nathan's Hot Dogs*   either zero stars or three stars

Joe Bob's Drive In Theater with special guest horror host Zacherly "Jakarta" a Charles Kaufman film *A noir No Reservations with a hardboiled Anthony Bourdain*   3 stars

Kolchak: The Night Stalker "The Spanish Moss Murders" *Stiffling dreams brings the Swamp Thing*   3 stars

Lucio Fulci's "City of the Living Dead" *Schlitz on tap*  2 1/2 stars

"The Golden Voyage of Sinbad" featuring the special fx of Ray Harryhausen and starring Dr. Who's Tom Baker as an evil sorcerer   3 stars

Roger Corman presents "Battle Beyond the Stars" *Luke SkyWalton*  2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax presents "Buffalo Rider" *like a rhinestone pachyderme* 2 stars with riffing 1 without

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "Joe's Apartment" *Willard, the musical* 2 stars

Rob Zombie's "House of 1,000 Corpses" *Fulci's eyeball in a bag of circus peanuts lying on the floor next to Sherri Moon's Big Daddy Roth underoos*  2 stars

Lost and Found Video Night Vol. 2 *A very musical edition. But yet again with the Steve Vai stalker and her queefing... ugh.*  2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax presents "Future Force" starring David Carradine *In an age populated by retarded rent-a-cops...* 3 stars with riffing 2 without

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs Stephen King's "Maximum Overdrive" starring Emilio Estevez, Pat Hingle, Yeardley Smith and including the music of AC/DC *Clever premise silly execution. This crazy scenario is what we get for the trucker fad of the seventies*  2 1/2 stars

Lost and Found Video Night Vol 3 *Jackie Gleason with a screw loose,  japanese school girl mass suicide, Nazi Donald Duck, and much more*  2 1/2 stars

I'm Alan Partridge "Towering Alan" *the common touch*   2 1/2 stars

"Retard O Tron 2" *These moronic mix tapes are starting to wear thin on me*   2 stars

Joe Bob's Drive In Theater 25th Anniversary of "Night of the Living Dead" with special guest Tom Savini and his film "Night of the Living Dead" 1990 *You're beginning to become a badass Barb-ara*  3 stars

Masters of Horror Dario Argento's "Pelts" starring Meat Loaf and John Saxon *Slap dash and horrific*  3 stars

"Hot Dreams" 1983 xxx *has a thread of tension that elevates it*  3 stars

Joe Bob's Summer School UFO Studies 666 Tim Burton's "Mars Attacks" *Forget grandma, protect the t.v.!*   2 1/2 stars

"Vampires Suck" *Like a creep with pointy teeth, it leers unashamedly.* zero stars

Don Coscarelli's "John Dies at the End" *sawsome awes*  3 stars

"Lost and Found Video Night: Vol. 1" 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax presents "The Happening" *Differently dumb marky mark and doey zoey awkwardly reconnect their dead romance during pants shitting doom / cartoon revenge of the earth day* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 without

TV Funhouse: "Western Day"  3 stars

"Kids in the Hall: Brain Candy" *Feels more like another 90s Lorne Michaels' movie than it does everything that was great about the sketch show*   2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs Clive Barker's "Nightbreed" *It was a graveyard smash.*   3 stars

Rifftrax presents "Troll 2" *a double decker baloney sandwich* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

"Edward Penishands" *on the bucket list of films for fudging weirdos like me.* 2 stars

Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna present "From Beyond" *Third eye erogenous zone*  3 stars

"Birdemic: Shock and Terror" *"Heal the world." Michael Jackson* 1 1/2 stars with riffing without riffing 1/2 a star until the actual birdemic starts and then maybe 1 star

Masters of Horror John Carpenter's "Pro Life" starring Ron Perlman  3 stars

South Park double feature ----------

"Trapped in the Closet" *The Cruise, Travolta, and Scientology jabs will sting and be relevant for a long time, probably, but the R. Kelly  joke is really dated. I'd already forgotten about his whole  silly closet song from 2000 whenever.*  3 stars

"Go God Go" 3 stars

-------------------------------

"Tim & Eric's Billion Dollar Movie"   *Interestingly absurd commentary on mall culture that would make a strange double feature with Romero's Dawn.* 2 stars

The Hitchhiker: Dark Wishes *Kindness with kill'em*  2 stars

Twin Peaks "Double Play" *Riposte* 3 stars

Tales from the Crypt "Revenge is the Nuts" guest starring Isaac Hayes  2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "Highlander" *That sensation you're feeling is called The Quickening. Brought to you by Nestle's Quik*   3 stars

Kolchak The Night Stalker "Bad Medicine" *Chief Trance A Ho* 2 1/2 stars

Tobe Hooper's "Lifeforce" starring Steve Railsback, Peter Firth, and Patrick Stewart as a sexy bride of Dracula *Count Tesla* 3 stars

"The Last Shark" featuring Vic Morrow  2 1/2 stars

TV Carnage "Casual Fridays"   3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge "To Kill a Mocking Alan" *"I'm such a big head." -Alan*    3 stars

Roger Corman's "The Raven" starring Vincent Price, Boris Karloff, Peter Lorre, and Jack Nicholson   *Tongue in cheek and coughing up blood.* 2 1/2 stars

Masters of Horror "Sounds Like"   *Watch this and for once you will sympathize with a telemarketer, believe it or not.* 3 stars

Monstervision presents: A Very Joe Bob Christmas *Rusty the mail girl and some other bimbos sing ear slaughtering Christmas carols.* "Gremlins"  3 stars

Parasite aka Mutant featuring demi moore *People who need people are the worst... worse than slimey soul sucking slugs*  3 stars

Joe Bob's Summer School with special guest Clint Howard "Ice Cream Man" 3 stars for the interview 2 for the movie

Masters of Horror "The V Word" guest starring Michael Ironside *What happened to the piss and vinegar of youth?*   3 stars

"Q, The Winged Serpent" a Larry Cohen film featuring Richard Roundtree, David Carradine, and a manic, brilliant performance by Michael Moriarty     3 stars

rifftrax presents "Prisoners of the Lost Universe" featuring John Saxon *Tim 'The Tool Man' Taylor, an Imp, a Neanderthal, and a Navi....Looney Tunes meets sword and sorcery*   2 1/2 stars with riffing 2 without

"The Crazy Dave Tape 2" *maybe you were 12 or so and there was this older teen in the neighborhood who you thought was cool and he let you hang out with him some, but he was way too into horror movies, firecrackers, porno mags, shooting cats in the butt with b b guns,listening to metal records, popping wheelies on his dirtbike, and smoking pot?  that's the kind of person who'd make this vhs mix tape*   2 stars

"Found Footage Festival: Vol 2"   3 stars

Cannon Films presents "Exterminator 2" *The Dark Knight Returns and engulfs New Jack City*   3 stars

Kolchak: The Night Stalker "The Devil's Platform" *Stygian lobbyist*  3 stars

Fangoria presents "Mindwarp " starring Bruce Campbell and Angus Scrimm *The Dig Dug Have Eyes. A MMORPG, and at risk teen PSA, for the Sega CD generation.*  3 stars

Garth Marenghi's "Darkplace" 'The Apes of Wrath' *We were young, we were physically fit, and we were challenging logic.*   3 stars

"42nd Street Forever" *'Golden Age of Porn' film trailers.*  3 stars

TV Carnage "A Sore for Sighted Eyes"  3 stars

Roger Corman's NEW WORLD PICTURES "The Arena" starring Pam Grier  3 stars

Masters of Horror John Landis presents "Family" starring George Wendt *A "Master of Horror" shouldn't use sketchy cgi.*  2 1/2 stars

"The Crazy Dave Tape 1" *Italians have the best weddings, kay!?*  2 stars

"The Beast that Killed Women" *Actual nudists are more scary than a guy in a gorilla suit.*   1 1/2 stars

The Asylum presents "I Am Omega" *Asylum movies are never aesthetically pleasing, but at least this one doesn't have cheap CGI ghouls. Also,it doesn't hurt that this source material has already yielded three other good movies.*  2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "The Howling: 7 - New Moon Rising" *An Aussie Tommy Wiseau's honky tonk lycanthrope.*   1 star

Masters of Horror Richard Matheson and Tobe Hooper present their version of Ambrose Bierce's "The Damned Thing" *Black Gold*  2 1/2 stars

"American Ninja" starring Michael Dudikoff *Rebel without a set of pajamas*  3 stars

TV Carnage "A Rich Tradition of Magic" *Where's the Terrance and Phillip, buddy?*  2 1/2 stars

I'm Alan Partridge "Basic Alan" *That close to being infamous.* 3 stars

Rifftrax - "Viva Knievel!" *Bring me the head of Jerry Garcia!*   3 stars with riffing 2 without

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "Godzilla vs. Monster Zero" *The visitors from Planet X are buttnoids.  Crank up the Slim Whitman.*             2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs and special guests SCTV's Count Floyd and USA UP All NIGhT's Rhonda Shear John Carpenter's "In the Mouth of Madness" *We've only just begun to live*    3 stars

rifftrax presents Star Wars: Episode 1 "The Phantom Menace" *Pod Racing belongs on ESPN 8* 2 stars with riffing 1 star without

Kolchak, The Nightstalker "Firefall" *Grisley Candleabra*  3 stars

"Satanis, The Devil's Mass" *If you're going to San Fran Cisco... be sure to visit the Church of Satan. They seem pretty down to earth aside from their pretentiousness.*  2 1/2 stars

"Alligator" 1980  starring Robert Forster *Police seek to punish society for their own illicit desires. / Freud.                      See you later, alligator. / Jung*  3 stars

X Files "One Breath" 2 1/2 stars

"Creepshow 2" *'The Raft' felt like a Junji Ito manga.*  3 stars

rifftrax presents "Breaker Breaker" starring Chuck Norris *Shanghai'd? Roundhouse! Roundhouse! Keep on truckin!* 3 stars with riffing 2 1/2 without

retard o tron mixtape vol 3 *less mtv's ridiculousness more internet retardedness* either zero stars or 2 1/2 stars

"Mortal Kombat: Annihilation" *Toasty! Grilled cheese.*  2 stars

rifftrax with Mike Nelson and special guest Weird Al "Jurassic Park" 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

Hammer Films "The Blood Beast Terror" *Heavy handed with the Mary Shelley*  2 1/2 stars

2EVERYTHING2TERRIBLE2 Tokyo Drift  3 stars

"Beach Babes from Beyond" starring Sylvester and Frank Stallone's mom, Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez's uncle, Adam West's Robin, Burt Ward, John Travolta's brother Joey, plus Linnea Quigley *Daytona Beach, California. DUH!*  2 1/2 stars

rifftrax presents Patrick Swayze's "Roadhouse" a Mike Nelson solo *The pilot for John Taffer's Bar Rescue* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 stars without

Buster Keaton's "The Scarecrow" *We got married in a fever* 3 stars

"Grizzly" 1976 *Why didn't they just arm everyone with grenade launchers to begin with?*        3 stars

Joe Bob's Summer School with special guest Roddy Piper "Immortal Combat" *Meg Foster as an evil dragon lady, Sony Chiba as the old dog cop with a samurai sword, Tiny Lister as a gorilla with a heart of gold, and Hot Rod himself as the happy go lucky hero, plus some goofy looking bodybuilders turned into mindless karate warriors by Mayan voodoo.* 2 1/2 stars

"Next of Kin" ozploitation *Can you hear the thunder? - Men At Work* 3 stars

"Retard-o-tron mixtape vol 1" *can't tell if they're celebrating all the 'xtreme' sports crap as cool or not*        zero stars and or 2 1/2 stars

rifftrax presents "The Room" *Tommy Wiseau tossing around the football with Crow and Tom Servo.* 3 plus stars with riffing 3 without

monstervision with joe bob briggs Larry Cohen's "It's Alive" *This would make Nancy Grace's brain melt and pour out of her huge nostrils.*  3 stars

Garth Marenghi's "Dark Place" 'Skipper the Eyechild'  3 stars

The Simpsons - Trick or Treehouse - Heaven & Hell "Bart's Soul" plus "Lisa the Skeptic" *Classics*  3 stars

"Creature" featuring a pervy Klaus Kinski *This Alien ripoff even has its own Ripley rip off*  3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge "Watership Alan" *"Can you make pornography come on my tele, please?"*  3 stars

"Scream and Scream Again" Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, Peter CUshing, Judy Dench *Deep fried BladeRunner*  2 1/2 stars

Joe Bob's Summer School UFO Studies 666 with special guest Anne Francis of "Forbidden Planet" also starring Leslie Nielson *To thine ownself be cruel*  3 stars

Georgina Spelvin "The Devil in Miss Jones" *She sauntered through the mist unshackled by her veil.*  3 stars

The Hitchhiker "When Morning Comes" 3 stars

Twin Peaks "Checkmate" *Great monolouge at DEAD DOG by Michael Parks about Agent Cooper and the trippy bizarre ending saved the episode*  3 stars

Luis Bunuel's "The Young One" *Sorghum sweet*  3 stars

"Run! Bitch Run!" *Syfy presents Rube Zombie's "RapeNado: The Revenge"* 1 star

Roger Corman's "Swamp Women" *Dirty, desperate dames.*  3 stars

Commander USA's Groovie Movies "The Unseen" *Creepy incest brother sister upstairs, mongoloid manbaby killer in the cellar, Guess Jeans / Vagisil model houseguest victims* 2 1/2 stars

X Files "3" *Gen X blood fetishes are Xtremely pretentious.*   2 1/2 stars

Pee Wee's pick "Nurse Nancy" xxx *not worth going to jail over, but i support pee wee and his pee pee.* 2 stars

Ken Russell's film of "The Devils" 3 stars

Udo Kier in "Spermula" *nookie kryptonite* 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "Future Hunters" *The liquid metal terminator was in a Fillipino ripoff of MadMax / Raiders of the Lost Ark / Enter the Dragon / Rambo / Die Hard / Return of the Jedi / Treasure Island / Amazon Women / and Terminator  before he was even in James Cameron's T2.* 3 stars

"Hotel Paradise" *The loins of liberty.*  3 stars

John Holmes as Johnny Wadd in "Blonde Fire" 2 1/2 stars

Stanley Kubrick's "Barry Lyndon" *History is made by the scoundrels.* 3 stars

Joe Bob's Summerschool   with a special guest hollywood workout instructor and the feature film "Conan the Barbarian" *Fitness fads for yuppies from the Ally McBeal & Friends era adds nothing to the experience of trying to watch a sword and sorcery adventure movie. TNT stinks.*  3 stars for the movie  zero for the TNT stuff

"Meatballs 3: Rudy's Big Challenge" special appearance by a younger Shannon Tweed *every time a bell rings a nerd pops his cherry. ding a ling*   2 1/2 stars

Roger Corman presents "Suburbia" a film by Penelope spheeris *"Have you hugged your kid, today?" Flea*   3 stars

Monstervision with Joe BoB Briggs "The Road Warrior" *Wheeling in a wasteland wonderland*  3 stars

Jules Verne's "The Mysterious Island" special FX by Ray Haryhausen 3 stars

David Cronenberg's "The Fly" *Brilliant bug out*  3 stars

Russell Simmons presents Abel Ferrara's "The Addiction" *Hip half-dead histrionics* 1/2 a star

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs Children of the Corn 2 "The Final Sacrifice" *Corn nut children's cult, contaminated corn crop conspiracy, cantakerous old crows, corny cgi.*  2 stars

Mario Bava's "Planet of Vampires" *Feels like a similar universe to Prometheus and Alien.* 3 stars

"The Monkey Hu$tle" *Pot meat and greens* 2 1/2 stars

Amber Lynn in "Amber Aroused" *That weird period of time after Return of the Jedi when R2 palled around with Ron Jeremy.*  3 stars

"Maniac" 1934 *billy goat curse* 3 stars

John Carpenter presents "Bodybags" *The Gas Station 2 1/2 stars Hair 2 1/2 stars Eye 3 stars*

"Five Bloody Graves" *fatalist western* 2 1/2 stars

USA UP ALL NIGHT with Rhonda shear plus 90s commercials "Shocker" *Charles Lee Ray The Lawnmower Man on Elm Street walks The Green Mile* 1 1/2 stars

"Nightmare Beach" starring John Saxon and Michael Parks *Scorcher* 3 stars

Garth Marenghi's "Darkplace" 'Hell Hath Fury' *A punch and judy* 3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge "Alan Attraction" *You're sacked*  3 stars

MST3K presents "Quest of the Delta Knights" *Davinci Archimede gobbledy*   2 STARS with spoofing 1 1/2 without

John Waters' "Polyester" *Odorous*  3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "Ghoulies" *A big creepy house is not a home without a few demonic munchkins running about.*  2 1/2 stars

Twin Peaks "The Black Widow" 2 1/2 stars

"The Devonsville Terror" featuring Donald Pleasance *Pilgrims' Unrest*  3 stars

Shannon Tweed in "Nightfire" *Horses, hot-tubs, and handguns.* 2 1/2 stars

George Romero presents Tales from the Darkside "The Circus" *Jaundiced critique of bonafide mystique.* 3 stars

John Carpenter's "Vampires" featuring James Woods as your Peter Cushing Van Helsing type, a pudgy Danny Baldwin as his hung over looking assistant, and Laura Palmer as a Lucy Westerena  3 stars

"Shakes, The Clown" *There's a tear in my beer. It's called Pathos.* 3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "Embrace of the Vampire" *Coffee house Bram Stoker. Bit more sweet than bitter* starring Alyssa Milano and the guy from Spandau Ballet 2 stars

Troma's "Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy" *"The bored slowdance of those who've done everything"* 1 1/2 stars

The Hitchhiker "Best Shot" *Jackass yuppies*  3 stars

"The Blob" 80s remake *Gives Carpenter's "The Thing" a run for its money.* 3 stars

Dr. Who *fourth doctor* "The Sontaran Experiment" *Humpty Dumpty's Empire had a great fall.*  3 stars

"Hell High" 1989 *When green sliming someone goes horribly wrong.*  3 stars

rifftrax "reefer madness" *smoke pot just once and you'll wind up on trial for MURDER!* 2 stars with riffing 1 1/2 without

Fred Olen Ray's "Dinosaur Island" *topless cave chicks, hot springs hot tubs, & T-Rex terror* 3 stars

"Flash Fire" starring Tom Skerritt *Slow burner about watching your dream go up in smoke.*   3 stars

"Nude for Satan" *Hotel Californication* 1 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs Friday the 13th: Part 6 "Jason Lives" *A strawberry jelly donut with the filling sucked out by vampire censors.*   2 1/2 stars

Commander UsA's Groovie Movies "Blade Master" starring Miles O'Keeffe aka Tarzan as Ator *Stone Age Man say NO NUKES!*  1 1/2 stars

Troma's "War" *LOST meets Rambo meets SouthPark*   3 stars

"Kongo" 1932 *Fiendin' for bad juju*  3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs Tobe Hooper's "Funhouse" *Why buy the (2-headed) cow (a wedding ring)  when you can get the milk (and nookie) fer free?*  3 stars

Mermaid Man, Ernest Borgnine and The Crow, Brandon Lee team up for "Laser Mission" *Easy going espionage*  2 stars

Marilyn Chambers in "Behind The Green Door" 1 star up until the trippy money shot sequence and 3 stars for everything including it and after

Tales from the Crypt "Judy, You're Not Yourself Today." *Witchy Wife Swap*  3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs Gene Roddenberry's "Genesis 2" *Idiocracy of the Demolition Man in Futurama*   2 1/2 stars

X Files "Ascension" guest starring Steve Railsback   3 stars

Udo Kier in "Mark of the Devil" *Stupid Superstition*  3 stars

Rifftrax "Wickerman" remake *Un-Cage'd WOMYN of Silent Hill... erm Isle.* 2 1/2 stars with riffing 1 1/2 stars without

Stuart Gordon's "Fortress" starring Christopher Lambert & Kurtwood Smith *Andy Duframe is preggers with an Apple I-baby.*   3 stars

Something Weird Video presents "Getting into Heaven" 2 1/2 stars

"Equinox" 1970 *Classic monster movie FX hootenanny  and middle finger to SYFY.*   3 stars

Unsolved Mysteries with Robert stack *Fat, invalid husband's embezzling wife vanishes with kids, suspect son's mom murdered in car at carson city casino, custody dispute and walmart disappearance, crazy canadian's strange death in states,  shot on a desolate road by mysterious man in a black pickup truck, kroq confess your crime joke segment goes horribly wrong  with a grim call in that turns out to be a big hoax, reconstructing the image of a long dead jane doe murder victim*   2 stars

"Deranged" *Folksy necromancy*  3 stars

I'm Alan Partridge "A Room with an Alan" *The original Stephen Colbert character.*  3 stars

Fred Olen Ray's "Bikini Airways" *The Skanky Skies* 2 stars

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace Once Upon a Beginning *"The most significant televidual event since Quantum Leap."* 3 stars

Director's Cut of Highlander 2 "The Quickening" *A unicorn with a flying v guitar around its neck  and its ass hanging out the back of a Hummer stretch limo  teetering over the edge of a volcano and shitting half digested Ben Franklin(S).*  1 1/2 stars

Frank Henenlotter's "Bad Biology" *Imagine Georgia O'Keefe scissoring Slim Shady, Wu Tang's ODB, Biz Markie, and Eazy E.*  3 stars

Commander USA's Groovie Movies "The Psychotronic Man" *Floyd 'The Barber' gets all Criss Angel 'Mindfreak.'*   1/2 a star

Joe Bob's Summer School *Advanced Primate Studies* "Escape from the Planet of the Apes" *Joe Bob's theory on the proliferation of dumb people, by studying them at walmart, being an evolutionary necessity might have influenced Mike Judge a little in making his movie "Idiocracy."* 2 1/2 stars... needs more apes

"Gator Bait" *Red on the head, fire in the (w)hole.*  3 stars

"TUrkey Shoot" starring Steve Railsback *So-ciety, yer spiteful, indeed.*  3 stars

Roger Corman presents "Forbidden World" *Dingwhopper*  3 stars

Dario Argento presents "The Church" *Go now you've been set free. Like a real reptile.*  2 1/2 stars

"Night Eyes" starring Tanya Roberts and Andrew Stevens *bohunk bodyguard, voyeur, and lover.* 2 1/2 stars

Rifftrax Joel Schumacher's "Batman & Robin" *Smug George Clooney versus sardonic Mike Nelson.* 2 stars with riffing 1 star without

"Madhouse" starring Vincent Price *Queer regret.*  3 stars

Disney's "Secrets of Pirates Inn" 2 1/2 stars

William Friedkin's "To Live and Die in L.A." *Angels with dirty faces.* 3 stars

Linda Blair in "Hell Night" *Hazing. Heavy petting. Horror hijinx. Haunted Mansion. Hills Have Eyes type heavies.*  3 stars

Joe Bob's Hollywood Saturday Night "Nair WitcH" segments *Less bad 3's Company sitcom humor attempts by TNT. More hillbilly horror afficiando featuring just Joe Bob.* and the feature movie presentation "Child's Play 2" *I remember Siskel being really bothered by these movies, because the victim of all the horror was a child.*   3 stars

"Street Trash" *The rot gut and rough hewn.*  3 stars

George Romero presents Tales from the Darkside "Beetles" 2 1/2 stars

H. Gordon Lewis' "Scum of the Earth" *Sleazoids use blackmail to get unfortunate women to pose nekkid.* 2 1/2 stars

Mario Bava's "Hatchet for the Honeymoon" 2 1/2 stars

"Blood Beach" *Jaws wannabe with a tv movie amount of action and fx.*   2 1/2 stars

"Red Hill" *Aussie High Plains Drifter*  3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "The Fog" *John Carpenter's Sunken Starship 'We Built This City on Lepers' Gold'*   3 stars

"Caligula" *Grotesque gods of gore and genital glorification."  3 stars

Brian Depalma's "Dressed to Kill" *Hitchcock in high heels.*  3 stars

MST3K "Zombie Nightmare" starring Adam West, Thor, and Tia Carrere 3 stars with spoofing 2 without

Abel Ferrara's "China Girl" *ramen with marinara"  3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs  "The Kiss" *kill your kin and live again*   3 stars

Brian Yuzna's "Bride of Re-Animator" *Arkham affordable care extends into the afterlife.*   3 stars

X Files "Duane Barry" guest starring Steve Railsback 3 stars

Wonderful World of Disney "The Ghost of Cypress Swamp" starring Vic Morrow   3 stars

"Infested" aka "Ticks" *Clint Howard, Carlton, seth Green, and one of the Bosom Buddies. Great casting. Great creature fx.* 3 stars

Commander USA's Groovie Movies "The Abominable Snowman" starring Forest Tucker and Peter Cushing *Ra's al Ghul not believe in yeti and no should you. capiche?* 2 stars

"Elvira, Mistress of the Dark" *Wayne's World with two bigger boobs.*  3 stars

Herschell Gordon Lewis presents "Something Weird" hosted by Joe Bob Briggs *Be square and unaware. There's no truth out there.*   1 star

Twin Peaks "Masked Ball" *David Duchovny as Denise the DEA agent.*  3 stars

"The Rapture" starring Mimi Rogers *Filling the void or avoiding the fill.*   3 stars

"cut throats nine" *Manly spaghetti westerns were often dubbed with the same silly irreverence as sissy boy animes would end up with.*  3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "The Ultimate Warrior" starring Yul Brynner and Max Von Sydow *Stone Cold Mr. Clean against the tomato raiders.*  3 stars

Umberto Lenzi's "Eaten Alive" *Jonestown massacre and weenie roast.* either 3 stars or zero stars for tasteless cruelty.

"Nipples and Palm Trees" *It's Always Horny in California... and depressing"   2 1/2 stars

Hammer Films' "The Brides of Dracula" ��3 stars

Joe Bob's Hollywood Saturday Night Hollywood Halloween in search of the "Nair Witch" segments *TNT tried to ruin Monstervision by taking Joe Bob out of the trailer park.* and the feature movie Brian Depalma's "Carrie" *John Travolta at his manprettiest saying "Git'r done"as he slaughters a pig.*   3 stars

Tales from the Crypt "Came the Dawn" *Brooke Shields is bland and boring in everything she does.*   2 1/2 stars

David Cronenberg's "Rabid" starring Marilyn Chambers *I drink your maple syrup. I eat your Canadian bacon.*  3 stars

Stuart Gordon's "The Inquisitor" starring Lance Henriksen *Mercy Me. I can only imagine."  3 stars

Doctor Who (the fourth doctor) "The Ark in Space" starring Tom Baker *Animal crackers in my celestial soup.*   3 stars

"Talk Dirty To Me One More Time" featuring Harry Reems   2 stars

Monstervision with Joe BoB Briggs Wes Craven's "Swamp Thing" starring Adrienne Barbeau* "Run through the jungle." Creedence Clearwater Revival.*   3 stars

The Hitchiker "Secret Ingredient"  3 stars

Cannon films presents "River of Death" *Michael Dudikoff's Frank Miller style narration.*   3 stars

William Lustig's "Maniac Cop" *Introduce a little anarchy.*   3 stars

Ken Russell's "The Lair of the White Worm" *I kept expecting Dylan Moran, Simon Pegg, and The Cure to show up.*   2 1/2 stars

Todd Solondz "Happiness" *This Robert Altman shit depresses me.* either zero stars or three

Joe Bob's SummerSchool presents "Conan: The Destroyer" *Hannah Montana wants Arnold and his pecs to teach her sex, but Shaquille O'Neal has agreed to satisfy evil queen Nancy Grace's lust for virginal sacrifice. Also a big Amazon lady, an Oriental magician, the trusty imp, and this ancient horned dragon god.*   3 stars

Are you afraid of the dark? "Tale of Vampire Town" *Corey Feldman's cousin's parents try to be understanding about their son's need to cosplay and roleplay as Wesley Snipes' character Blade.*   2 1/2 stars

Lucio Fulci's "Zombi 2" *The only shelter on cursed islands is some rickety shack. Spanish explorers never fully decompose. Sharks don't like it, when a zombie is the one doing the biting.*  3 stars

Mario Bava's "Black Sunday" *Cedric the Entertainer, bo bo slayer? Tyler Perry's Black Sunday. TBS very unfunny.*     3 stars

"Humongous" *Quaint little slasher.*   3 stars

Roger Corman's "Creature from the Haunted Sea" *Clever and kooky.*   3 stars

Commander USA Groovy Movies presents (edited for tv yet still disturbing) David Cronenberg's "The Brood" featuring Oliver Reed *No more psycho trauma hatched monkeys jumping on the bed*   3 stars

George Romero presents Tales from the Darkside Harlan Ellison's "Djinn, No Chaser" guest genie Kareem Abdul Jabar   1 1/2 stars

Frank Henenlotter's "Frankenhooker" *Hetero Dahmer with a hooker's heart of gold.*  3 stars

"Bad Boy Bubby" *more disturbing than dogtooth and just as morbidly humorous. crocodile dundee in the 4th dimension* either zero stars or 3 stars

MST3K presents "Devil Fish"   *more boring than the already boring reality show Deadliest Catch.* 2 stars with spoofing 1 without

"Loose Screws: Screwballs 2" *Not as good as the original, but still a lot of fun.*   3 stars

Roger Corman presents "The Dunwich Horror" starring Dean Stockwell *The old ones and the young ones.*   3 stars

"The Song Remains the Same" *The concert is mesmerizing. The art film moments are interesting. The backstage footage / incidents are boring. The personal life stuff is curious and a little dull. Where are the groupies being fed to sharks and black magic rituals?*   2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with host Joe Bob Briggs and special guest Linnea Quigley "Return of the Living Dead" *These are the zombies that crave brains, not every zombie does that like some so called horror fans mistakenly think.*  3 stars

X Files "Sleepless" guest starring Tony Todd *Get out of my dreams. Get into my car, Agent Scully.*     3 stars

Something Weird Video presents "My Secret Life" *Like Downton Abbey with Game of Thrones amount of uncut penis.*  2 stars

"Elvira's Haunted Hills" *Crumbling castle, medieval torture, musical numbers, and cleavage comedy.* 2 1/2 stars

Unsolved Mysteries with Robert Stack *Gangbuster's sketchy suicide, aspiring chef's breakdowns and disappearance, topless bar waitress's jealous boyfriend and disappearance, unexplained death of astate trooper possibly by killer hippies, a strange soldier's secretive business and permanent awol,  a nice church lady  helps her prison penpal boyfriend escape and disappear,  middle aged mama's boys chizophrenic wrongly convicted and later proved innocent*   3 stars

Abel Ferrara's "Ms. 45 - Angel of Vengeance" *You say it best, when you say nothing at all.*   3 stars

Mario Bava's "Hercules in the Haunted World" with Christopher Lee as a Cthullu worshipping necromancer                       *Long expired eye candy.*  3 stars

"Humanoids from the Deep" featuring Vic Morrow *The horniest catch.*  3 stars

Are You Afraid of the Dark "The Tale of the Frozen Ghost" starring Melissa Joan Hart *I'm cold.*  3 stars

The Hitchhiker *Hit and RUn* 2 1/2 stars

George Romero presents Tales from the Darkside "The Family Reunion" starring Patricia Tallman and Stephen MacHattie 3 stars

"Death Spa" *Awe, fuck this computer shit*  3 stars

Richard Linklater's "Bernie" starring Jack Black *Little pink caskets for you and me.*   3 stars

Joe Bob's SummerSchool "Pee-wee's Big Adventure "written by Phil Hartman, scored by Danny Elfman, and Directed by Tim Burton *Tex Avery would like this movie.*   3 stars

James Gunn and Llody Kaufman present "Tromeo and Juliet" 2 1/2 stars

Tom Hanks presents Tales from the Crypt "None but the Lonely Heart" starring Treat Williams   3 stars

USA Up All Night with Rhonda Shear "Screwball Academy" *A director gets to heaven. He's told he'll be making a movie. Michaelangelo will be designing the sets  and Beethoven composing the score.  He asks who his leading lady will be. The angel Gabriel says,  "That's just thething. God has this girlfriend..."*  2 stars

Russ Meyer presents "The Immoral Mr. Teas" *Narrated by Trey Parker of South Park. You'd almost swear it.* 3 stars

"Nightmare in Badham County" *The Rifleman captures women for Mr. Brady's torture plantation. "When you die, they're going to have to beat your mouth to death with a stick."* 3 stars

Jess Franco's "Faceless" *He used to do surgery on girls in the 80s.* 2 1/2 stars

Twin Peaks 'Dispute Between Brothers' *A green butt skunk... ACES.*  3 stars

Jeff Lieberman's "Just Before Dawn" *So picturesque, you'll be seeing double.* 3 stars

Tennessee Williams' "Baby Doll" featuring Eli Wallach *She sho grow'd up*   3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "Beyond Thunderdome" *Elderly Beyonce exiles Bret Hitman Hart to Never Never Land.* 2 1/2 stars

"Black Roses" *Poetry loving cool teacher tries to save his students from a satanic Winger concert.*  2 stars

Ken Russell and The Who present "Tommy - A Rock Opera" *Reach out and touch faith.*  3 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "Damnation Alley" *The A Team travels across the Cursed Earth.*   2 1/2 stars

"The Sword and the Sorcerer" starring Richard Lynch *Atari Game of Thrones*  3 stars

"The Sentinel" Chris Sarandon is "legion" *Who lynches the Watchmen?*   3 stars

Dial 'N' for Nikki *Crank Yankers* 1 star

Abel Ferrara's "Driller Killer" *Depraved Demo tape. hipsters worse than homeless bums*   2 1/2 stars

"The Nest" *Eccentric seaside town. Blood thirsty pest.* 3 stars

H.P. Lovecraft's "The Unnameable" *Arkham Animal House by the Cemetery* 2 1/2 stars

Tales from the Crypt "The Third Pig" *Bobcat Goldthwait shrills some ryhming skills* 1 1/2 stars

Alex Cox's "Straight to Hell" *featuring some ugly actors and musicians.  A young Courtney Love included. Dirty Old Town*  2 1/2 stars

"Blood Diner" featuring Sheba Jackson *In the tradition of Blood Feast* 3 stars

MST3K presents Ed Wood's "Bride of the Monster" *''One time, I bit into a cold tator tot''*   3 stars with spoofing... maybe a 3 without maybe less

Dr. Who "Robot" starring 4th doctor Tom Baker *Prince Albert (Einstein) in a can.*  3 stars

"Trancers" *The time 1985. The place Los Angeles. My partner's Helen Hunt. I'm Jack Deth.*  3 stars

Are you Afraid of the Dark? "Tale of the Lunar Locusts" *Green Eyed Monster* 2 stars

Elvira presents "Killers from Space" *Hal Jordan (or was it Bruce Banner?) gets all bug eyed about  space invaders and not even the smooth satisfaction of smoking can swerve him.*   1 1/2 stars

X Files "Blood" *I"m afraid of America. I'm afraid of the world. I'm afraid I can't help it.*   3 stars

"Willard" starring Bruce Davison and Ernest Borgnine *"He's an extrovert. He just shows it inside."*     3 stars

The Hitchhiker "The Miracle of Alice Ames" guest starring Joe Pantoliano *Love the sinner, for her priest is her pimp.*   3 stars

"Helter Skelter" Jeremy Davies *Taking seriously hippies taking scripture literally*   2 stars

"Race with the Devil" starring Warren Oates and Peter Fonda *I'm getting too old for this shit... Warren Oates said it before Danny Glover*   3 stars

MST3k "The Final Sacrifice" *Raiders of the Lost Moose Lodge* 2 stars, eh... with spoofing 1 1/2 without

Tales from the Darkside "Ursa Minor"  2 1/2 stars

Brass Eye "Animals" *Grinning like a possum.* 3 stars

H.G. Wells' "Island of Lost Souls" *Are we not men? Or at least beasts in khakis?*  3 stars

Roger Corman and James Cameron present "Galaxy of Terror"   3 stars

Fred Dekker's "Night of the Creeps" starring Tom Atkins *Thrilled Me*  3 stars

"The Northville Cememtery Massacre" *'Rebels with a cause' angst. you'll hate your local community. I sure as hell hate mine.*  3 stars

"Five on the Blackhand Side" *Woe is them who can not swim, Jim... A few laughs but mostly preachy and dull.* 1/2 star

"the amazing mr. no legs" *He was a terrible person/torso.* 2 stars

Joe Bob's Drive In "Bedroom Eyes 2" featuring Wings Hauser and Linda Blair *convuluted covorting* 2 1/2 stars

Terry Zwigoff's "Crumb" *Awkward Vibrations. Voluptous fixations.* 3 stars

Russ Meyer's "Eve and the Handy Man"  2 1/2 stars

William Friedkin's "Killer Joe" *He told me I needed teachin on muh Kung Fu...question: Would you let matthew McConaughey fuck your sister if it meant he'd kill your mother?* 3 stars

brian yuzna's "society" *i wanna share this with all the sanctimonious stepford wives who were always trying to show me how SAW had something to say*  3 stars

''innocent taboo'' starring porche lynn and peter north *john oates' blood, sugar, sex, black magick. a tragedy in so many acts.* 2 stars

''curse of the queerwolf''  *mr. smallbutt never did anything like this before* 2 1/2 stars

tales from the crypt presents fred dekker's "lower berth" 3 stars

usa up all night with rhonda shear 'cemetery high' *softcore nudity. hardcore stupidity.* 1 1/2 stars

linda blair and linnea quigley in "savage streets" *'beat it' / 'love is a battlefield' era troubled youth* 3 stars

alex cox's "repo man" *love & rockets* 3 stars

alex cox's "walker" starring ed harris 3 stars

"ironmaster" 1983 *guns don't kill people (yet) as the Ice Age is just thawing.*  3 stars

mst3 kroger corman's "the undead" *smug man's folly* 2 1/2 stars with spoofing 2 without

the hitchhiker 'the legendary billy b.' starring kirstie alley, andy summers of the police, and brad dourif 2 1/2 stars

monstervision with joe bob briggs "beastmaster 2: through the portal of time" *"once, two fresh princes of tattooine stood before you" - so sayeth the spin doctors*  1 1/2 stars

''long john silver'' 1954 *sometimes them that quotes the bible have less bible in their hearts than those that don't*  2 1/2 stars

commander usa's groovie movies ''the alligator people'' featuring lon chaney jr 2 1/2 stars

"Miami COnnection" *Right there with Troll 2 and The Room*   3 stars

USA Up All Night "Return of the Killer Tomatoes" 2 stars

USA Up All Night with Rhonda Shear "Waitress" 3 stars

USA Up All Night "Virgin High" 2 1/2 stars

"American Babylon" xxx 2 1/2 stars

USA Up All Night "Slammer Girls" 2 1/2 stars

USA Up All Night "Beach Balls" 2 1/2 stars

"Killer Workout" 3 stars

sam peckinpah's "cross of iron" *"the bitch that bore him is back in heat"* 3 stars

Joe D'Amato's "Erotic Nights of the Living Dead" *What does it say when a film with this much wang and poontang is more eerie and unsettling than most current horror attempts?*  3 stars

USA Up All Night with Rhonda Shear "Wild Malibu Weekend" *In the 90s, before internet porn videos, there was a time when hot babes in bikinis on late night cable was all a horny teenage guy needed.* 2 stars

USA Up All Night "Sweet Sugar" 2 1/2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "My Boyfriend's Back" *ahead of its time horror romantic comedy* 2 1/2 stars

Joe Bob's Drive In "Montenegro" 2 stars

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "It! The Terror from Beyond Space" 3 stars

commander usa's groovie movies "Vampire's Coffin" 1 1/2 stars

MST3k "Escape 2000" not steve railsback movie 2 1/2 stars with spoofing 2 without

"Fast Food" *Jim Varney aka 'Ernest goest to' a lot of trouble to keep what should be a raunchy sex comedy pg 13.* 2 stars

Troma's "Class of Nukem High" 3 stars

"Howling 3: The Marsupials" *Takes a strange trip into Alex Haley's Roots territory.* 2 stars

Troma's "Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead" *They should show this in sex education class. It would stop kids from fornicating and eating fast food.* 3 stars

MST3k "Squirm" *Hicksploiting and skin-crawling.* 3 stars with spoofing 2 1/2 without

MST3k "Angels Revenge" *Cheap Charlie's Angels clone with exploitation movie violent action and an after school special theme of drugs are bad for the youth.* 2 1/2 stars with spoofing 2 without

"The Night Visitor" starring Max von Sydow *meticulously nail biting* 3 stars

MST3k "Time of the Apes" "Oriental Planet of the Apes wannabe with annoying child dubbing and shoestring budget fx and entertainment value.* 1 1/2 stars with spoofing 1/2 star without

"Devil Hunter" *Bug eyed cannibal god craves tender white flesh.* 2 1/2 stars

"Voodo Black Exorcist" *Brendan Fraser's 'The Mummy' set on 'The Love Boat'* 2 stars

"Rocktober Blood" *Ugly piggy faced metal lead singer who can hold a note til it pierces flesh and can hold his victims hostage, on stage, and force them to perform with the power of Satanic Rock.* 2 1/2 stars

"Scary Movie" 1991 starring Saul Star from Deadwood *If the title is read correctly as being in quotes, then the movie is pretty much summed up. The horror isn't the horror of the killer on the loose / haunted house setting, it's the  mind's breaking point producing such terrible results leading to horrific consequences.* 3 stars

"Vice Squad" featuring Wings Hauser *Out on the streets for a living.. black diamond...*  3 stars

"The Outing" *A mallrat 80s teen thinks she's alone now  for a night in the museum with her main squeeze, and her best pals, but her jealous and dangerous ex plus his buddy  along with an evil genie in a bottle tries to rub her the wrong way.*   2 1/2 stars

Ken Russell's "Gothic" *hysterical liberation in the romantic sense.* 3 stars

MSt3k "Werewolf" featuring the Tommy Wisseau trio of actors 2 1/2 stars with spoofing 1 1/2 without

MST3k "Kitten with a Whip" *Moral politicians and sinful youth. Laughable.* 3 stars with spoofing 2 1/2 without

"The Burning Hell" *Religious scare film. Unintentional exploitation classic. 2 1/2 stars

Troma "Redneck Zombies" *The one guy who had to take a swig of whiskey no matter the horror or urgency of the situation... it got me everytime.* 2 1/2 stars

"W.W. and the Dixie Dance Kings" *The great almost unheard of Smoky and the Bandit prequel* 3 stars

MST3k "Hobgoblins" *It's like some producer saw Gremlins and stole a  costume shop's puppets and filmed this over a weekend at a few bland Los Angeles / nothin' happenin' locations.* 2 with spoofing 1 1/2 without

MSt3k "Soultaker" starring Charlie Sheen's uncle *Southern Belle too dainty and flippish for afterlife.* 2 stars with spoofing 1 1/2 without

"Sorrority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl o Rama" featuring Linnea Quigley *Linnea is the likeable bad girl, as usual, and the evil genie puppet has a hilarious voice.* 2 1/2 stars

"Rollerblade The Movie" *Stephen King's 'The Dark Tower' if it were reimagined by the folks at Everything Is Terrible'* 1 1/2 stars

"Tourist Trap" starring Chuck Connors "Surreal Slasher"   3 stars

"Neon Maniacs" *The Village People are sent to hell for their sinful ways and return as Cenobites to stalk spunky and square teens in the land of the Rice a Roni treat.*  2 1/2 stars

"A Coming of Angels" xxx *Charlie's Angels stupid supblot, but it has an S & M sex slave dungeon and a nicely snowy, isolated setting.* 2 1/2 stars

"Pretty Peaches part 2" xxx *Studs with a troubled past who get hired to look after a stable of horses owned by a wealthy, foreign cripple always get to stroke the suffering from lack of a sex life wife.* 2 1/2 stars

"Neon Nights" xxx *Follow the yellow brick road or ride it in a van with swingers.* 3 stars

MST3k "It lives by Night" *It sucks by day or night.* 2 stars with spoofing 1 without

Are you Afraid of the Dark "The Tale of the Dead Man's Float" *There is an existential dread that comes with that coming of age trial of learning to swim.*  3 stars

Commander USA's Groovie Movies "Maiko" *A bitter beachbum loses his grip on humanity / empathy for land lubbers.* 2 1/2 stars

"Dance of the Damned" *If Stefanie Meyer penned an uninentionally funny skinemax flick in 1993* 2 stars

"The Blood on Satan's Claws" *Blaming the devil for a bad seed from an old harvest.* 3 stars

Lucio Fulci's "The Beyond" *Lousianna Fricasseed Corpses* 3 stars

"Randy the Electric Lady" *Ballsdeep Bride of Frankenstein.* 2 1/2 stars

"Stiff Competition" xxx *Dick sucking "comes" with its own reward. No blue ribbon needed, but maybe a blue bib.* 3 stars

"new wave hookers" xxx *Bitches in heat over Flock of Seagulls.* 2 stars

"Surrender in Paradise" xxx *Women are needy castaways.* 2 1/2 stars

Commander USA's Groovie Movies 'The Devil's Gift' 3 stars

"Kingdom of Spiders" starring William Shatner *When Shatner is accepted as the cowboy archetype, hell will spit up its plague upon us.* 3 stars

Oliver Stone's "Seizure" *I feel sorry for Stone if his nightmares include Tattoo from Fantasy Island.* 3 stars

"Mortuary" *Creepy, corpse abusin' Bill Paxton.*   3 stars

MST3k "Deathstalker" *Robin Hood types are always self absorbed asses.* 2 1/2 stars with spoofing. 2 without

Herschell Gordon Lewis' "Blood Feast" hosted by Joe Bob Briggs *This is what should have happened to the lady who brought Edward Scissorhands home.* 2 1/2 stars

MST3k "The Beginning of the End" *Crickets on post-cards photograhed to be earth shattering, mind blowing horror. Now, it would be million dollar CGI, and it would still be terrible.* 2 stars with spoofing. 1 1/2 without

Are you Afraid of the Dark "The Tale of the Badge" *Badge as in evil humanoid badger of some lore.* 2 1/2 stars

WitchFinder General starring Vincent Price *Makes you wonder who was filling Joe McCarthy's pockets with gold coins.* 3 stars

Tobe Hooper's "Spontaneous Combustion" starring Brad Dourif *A far less hokey Truman Show for the atomic era.* 3 stars

"Please Don't Eat My Mother" *Kinky Shop of Horrors"   3 stars

"Wheeler aka Psycho from Texas" *A feast of snakes.* 3 stars

MST3k "the Creeping Terror" *I wish GWAR would get sent back in time to the 50s,  folks would be getting eaten by giant worm costume monsters -left and right.* 2 1/2 stars with spoofing 1 1/2 without

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs "Ghoulies 2" *Pint-sized demonic ghouls just wanna have murderous fun at the carnival. What's so wrong with that?* 2 1/2 stars

Herschell Gordon Lewis' "Suburban Roulette" hosted by Joe Bob Briggs *The sex taboos of the 60s seem so routine today.* 2 stars

"Rock n Roll Nightmare" *Horrible hair metal croons. A plot twist M. Night would love.  And some demonic finger puppets.*  2 stars

"There's Nothing Out There" *Self aware horror movie done right. Usually, I hate when the 4th wall is broken, but when the hero swung from the boom mic, and no mention was made of why or he didn't look into the camera smugly to reference it afterward, I almost stood up and cheered for the clever absurdity.*   3 stars

Tell Them Johnny Wadd is here starring John Holmes 3 stars

"I Drink Your Blood." *Rabies pot pies. Yum.*   3 stars

"Midnight Ride" starring Mark Hammil and Michael Dudikoff *A live action Killing Joke with a Dark Knight in hot pursuit.* 3 stars

"Up the Creek" 1984   3 stars

The Twilight Zone "Dead Run" starring Steve Railsback *Truly frightening because it turns the afterlife into a cold system full of the red tape and soullessness of an earthly existence.*  3 stars

Wonderful World of Disney 'Mr. Boogedy' *I'm sure this pre-dates Beetlejuice, but it's similar, though blandly so and has that generic, hazy 80s suburbia Saturday afternoon tv feel about it.* 2 stars

"razorback" *the outback is hog heaven for any horrific scenario.*   3 stars

mst3k 'parts: the clonus horror' *Yuppie Bob Hope and Bob Dole types wanna make sure they can play 18 holes of golf for eternity at their country club of choice with a fresh new body every 80 years.* 2 1/2 stars with spoofing 1 1/2 without

"Dr. Giggles"  3 stars

"Fertilize the Blaspheming Bombshell" 3 stars

"Flesh Eating Mothers" *It's a Jersey thing. STDs included.*   2 stars

MST3k "Incredibly Strange Creatures..." 2 1/2 stars with spoofing 2 without

You Can't Do That On Television "Nature" 3 stars

mtv's Buzzkill "Sasquatch" 2 stars

black adder 'back and forth' 3 stars

are you afraid of the dark 'the tale of the dangerous soup' 2 1/2 stars

tales from the crypt 'people who live in brass hearses' starring bill paxton and brad dourif 3 stars

tales from the dark side 'a serpent's tooth' 2 stars

the hitchhiker 'part of me' 3 stars

commander usa's groovie movies 'the children' 2 1/2 stars

UsA Saturday Nightmares 'Living Dolls' 3 stars

'The Legend of Sleepy Hollow' Jeff Goldblum and Meg Foster *I can picture Goldblum being lynched if he had lurched around awkwardly in Colonial times, and Meg would have been burned at the stake for those fiery eyes.* 3 stars

Linda Blair and the Unknown Comic in "Night Patrol" *The Unknown Comic is an acquired taste, but the movie is more decent than Police Academy.* 2 1/2 stars

"Hard Rock ZOmbies" *Like Return of the Living Dead starring REO Speedwagon with a sprig of Springtime for Hitler and To Catch A Predator* 2 1/2 stars

monstervision with joe bob briggs "The Devil's Rain" *The heavy metal "sign of the Devil" works just as well on Shatner as the Vulcan death grip.* 2 1/2 stars

Rob Zombie's "The Lords of salem" starring Bruce Davidson, Meg Foster, and Sherri Moon Zombie's ass *Dario Argento with a mullet, a foul mouth,  and a dragon tattooed above his pubic hair.* 2 1/2 stars minus one whole star

mst3k "the legend of boggy creek 2" *Autumn in Arkansas equals SEC football with big, sweaty, hairy men or weekends in the woods with big, sweaty, hairy monsters and hillbillies.* 2 stars with spoofing 1 1/2 without

"the masque of red death" starring vincent price 3 stars

"midnight offerings" *feels like a haunted after school special* 3 stars

Elvira presents "Charlie Boy" 2 1/2 stars

"Carman's Witch Invitation" *Dr. Strange tries to seduce the spoken word evangelical white rapper who was born without any "soul"* 1 star

"Let Me Die A Woman" *Informative exploitation.*   1 star

Are you Afraid of the Dark? "The Tale of the Curious Camera"   2 1/2 stars

"Bloodfreak" *You ain't nothin' but a hounddog, you jive turkey.* 2 1/2 stars

Salute your Shorts "Zeke The Plumber"   3 stars

Are you Afraid of the Dark? "The Tale of the Whispering Walls" 3 stars

John Waters' "Desperate Living" *Tight assed towns or dirty communes?* 3 stars

Tobe Hooper's "Eaten Alive" *Don't cross graveyard shift weirdos. Is that so hard for people to comprehend?... Guard against the crocodiles out on America's lost highways.* 3 stars

Zack Snyder's "Man of Steel" *Superhero mass destruction sponsored by Sears.* 2 1/2 stars

Marvel's "Thor" *So glad that He-Man left ethereal Eternia, so that we could watch him fumble around Smallville staring awestruck at plain Jane Portman.* 2 1/2 stars

Marvel's "The Avengers" *I wish Hulk would smash Robert Downey Jr. like he did Loki.* 2 1/2 stars

monstervision with joe bob briggs don coscarelli's "The Beastmaster" *Dungeon crawlin' and creature callin'* 3 stars

"erotic city" starring amber lynn *Glam and bam* 2 1/2 stars

"Calvaire" aka "The Ordeal" *Tell me have you seen her?* 3 stars

"Night of the Bloody Apes" *Needed some more lucha libre* 2 1/2 stars

Unsolved Mysteries with Robert Stack *Paranoid brutha's harem, Redneck shipwreck, vegetable stand she devil* 3 stars

Russ Meyer's "Beneath the valley of the ultra vixens." *Horny comedy*  3 stars

"Deep Star Six" *The best of claustrophobic disaster movies and b monster movies taken seriously.* 3 stars

"Samurai Reincarnation" starring Sonny Chiba *For fans of Japanse ghosts/demons and grindhouse sword slashing socky.* 3 stars

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns part 1 and 2 3 stars

Dolph Lundgren is "The Punisher" *Pulses like an 80s vigilante action movie should because it's an 80s vigilante movie and not a modern comic book movie.* 3 stars

"The Wolverine" Hugh Jackman *Felt closer to the Frank Miller source material  than it did the typical Marvel stuff like the terrible Wolverine Origins.* 3 stars

"The Terror Within" starring Andrew Stevens *B sci fi ALIEN (Ridley Scott) monster rip off with an isolated, apocalyptic THE THING (Carpenter) setting that really works.*   3 stars

Jackass presents: "Bad Grandpa" *More endearing than Bruno or Borat, but not as biting, yet still tasteless fun.* 3 stars

monstervision with joe bob briggs 2020 texas gladiators *Italian post apocalyptic burnt toast (Texas sized.)* 2 1/2 stars

Zack Snyder's "The Watchmen" director's cut   *Director's cut but where is the S & M memory stuff?* 3 stars

Christopher Reeve is "Superman" a Richard Donner film *Two flaws: Gene Hackman seems like a vaudeville villain and the turning back time happy ending. not saying it should have been 'man of steel' bleak, but maybe the earthquake and Lois dying shouldn't have happened at all.* 2 1/2 stars

American Samurai *Highly enjoyable bloodsport ripoff  with mortal kombat style fatalities* 3 stars

usa up all night with gilbert gotfried "vampires on bikini beach" *garlic breath and icy nipples* 1 1/2 stars

Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm (complete series) *more awkward animation and dialogue than an old filmation cartoon, and this was made in the mid 90s.* 1 1/2 stars

Bruno Mattei's "Zombie Creeping Flesh" *schlock and gore that comments on pandemics effects on 3rd world people* 3 stars

[canttalktumbling]

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New Post has been published on http://www.cant-talk.com/2017/07/all-tied-up-792017/

All Tied Up 7/9/2017

Ness

  I was originally hestitant to read “Grace and the Fever” by Zan Romanoff because I had somehow gotten the impression that the author was a man, and I am not here for guys writing about teenage girls and fandom. But a recent episode of the Reading the End bookcast had the Jennys interviewing Zan Romanoff, who is not a dude, and they convinced me to read it. I’m enjoying it a lot so far! If you were into boybands as a teen (and if you still are), definitely pick this up.

I’m also in the midst of my bad decisions playthrough of “Mass Effect: Andromeda.” It’s going poorly (but not as poorly as my eventual darkest timeline PT will). So many people are going to be so mad at me. Sorry in advance Peebee, Drack, Avitus, Cora, Jaal—you know what, it’ll be faster to just say this: Sorry in advance, everyone in Andromeda.

Finally, the latest Cat Sebastian romance—“The Ruin of a Rake”—just came out, and it is delightful. It’s in the same universe as “The Lawrence Browne Affair,” which was phenomenol. Reading this when my summer class reading gets too heavy. (Yes, tell me more about metadata.)

  Amelia

  I have discovered a new interactive fiction game, thanks to a Twitter recommendation, called “Zarya 1.” In it, you support a group of astronauts as they track down the source of a mysterious signal on the moon. It’s fun—and yes, you can total party wipe, so be careful out there spacefarers. It’s available on Steam and Android.

I’ve also continued to enjoy “American Gods” quite a bit. Things that seemed overdone and tropey come back in truly fresh and surprising ways. Plus, Gillian Anderson appears as David Bowie and that’s pretty amazing.

I’ve also started my first ever watch of “Babylon 5” after learning that the show’s creator, J. Michael Straczynski, worked on “Sense8.” It’s delightfully 90s cheese, complete with weird-haired aliens and polyester costumes, and I’m enjoying it so far.

  Vianey

“Last Cinderella.” Picture courtesy of Crunchyroll.com

  I needed something light after Tokyo Ghoul ruined my life a few weeks ago, so I moved on to live-action Japanese dramas. I just finished “Last Cinderella,” which tells the story of Sakura Toyama, a 39-year-old unconventional (by Japanese standards) hair stylist who ends up in a relationship with a man 15 years her junior.

Full disclosure: I started watching this show because of Haruma Miura. I loved him in another Japanese drama (“You Taught Me All The Precious Things”), and while I’m not saying he’s the most gorgeous man I have ever seen, I’m also not NOT saying that… because:

  Haruma Miura in “Last Cinderella”

  You see what I mean?

In addition to being blessed with a perfect face, he is also a consistently good actor and a particularly convincing crier whose tears, I’ve found, have the power to destroy my soul. (Too much?) In short, I’m a mere mortal who came for the eye candy but stayed for the show’s fun tropes and surprisingly sexy scenes. I mean there’s a love triangle throughout the series and even a Let’s-Pretend-We’re-In-A-Relationship subplot. This is my bread and butter.

All-in-all, I was not disappointed! The show starts out fun and over-the-top, with delicious twists and turns that made me want to marathon it in one sitting (I did not), but there are plenty of heart-pounding, gut-wrenching moments as well. For a show with only eleven episodes, I was not expecting to get so attached to the characters, but the writing made me really sympathize and root for all of them. While I didn’t agree with the characters’ sometimes sexist and fat-shamey comments, the actors are very likable and really kept me engaged throughout the story, right up until the dramatic last episode.

It’s also peppered with adorable, super-relatable haikus about life.

    Click here to start watching on Crunchyroll!