“Lena, you’re coming with us.”
She looked up sharply as Alex stormed into her office, followed by a dozen DEO goons and a flustered, apologetic Jess as she flipped rapidly between apologizing to Lena for permitting the intrusion and shouting at Alex to get out, only to be ignored.
“Jess, it’s fine,” Lena said, calmly, though her heart was racing. “I’ll hear what they have to say.”
“Cover the entrances,” Alex told her men.
Even when balaclavas over their faces and goggles, Lena could sense their unease. The one who was unmasked -Lena vaguely remembered she was named Vazquez- gave Alex a plaintive, pained look before stepping out. The doors hissed shut behind them, and Alex was alone with her.
“We don’t have time for you to be argumentative.”
“What horrific crime did I commit this time?
“I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m taking you into protective custody.”
Lena put down her phone.
“What?”
Alex produced a tablet from the bag on her thigh and stormed over, hitting play on a video.
It was Lex. Lena’s stomach dropped.
“Hello, Director Danvers,” said Lex. “I hope this message finds you well, because none of you are going to be well much longer.”
A thought hit Lena like a freight train: If I’m in danger, where’s Kara? Even now Kara would drop everything, risk everything, to keep her from harm.
Lex opened a velvet box and drew out a small device. Lena recognized it and felt her gorge rising. It was another disperser, but something was wrong. The crystal within glowed a deep, scintillating red, like a hot coal drawn from a fire.
“Remember this?” said Lex. “You and the rest of this world are about to learn what happens when you trust an alien.”
“What the fuck?” Lena blurted. “He can’t be alive.”
Alex shook her head.
Lex slammed his fist down, and Alex turned it off.
“Well worry about your brother later. He spread red kryptonite into the atmosphere. We can’t find Kara and she’s not responding to our hails. We have to take anyone she might come after into secure custody where she can’t sense you and we have to go now.”
“But…”
“This shit drives her insane,” Alex snapped, seizing Lena’s shoulders. “The last time she was exposed she threw Cat Grant off a building. She almost killed me. ME, Lena.”
A cold flush ran down her limbs, as if she’d been thrown into the cold sea, and panic surged from deep down inside. The last time Lena had seen Kara it had been through Kryptonite-frosted crystal before she abandoned her in the fortress of solitude.
“Part of me wants to leave you here and let you get what you deserve,” Alex said, coldly, “but we are going to fix her and when we do she’d never forgive me for letting you get hurt. Even now she won’t let go of her feelings for you. She keeps talking about saving you.”
Lena swallowed hard. “Her what?”
“Lena, get up. For once in your life just cooperate and do what you’re fucking told before…”
Boot heels thudded on the balcony and dread could tight in Lena’s gut. It was a futile gesture but she stood anyway as Alex stepped between them.
The door was locked, but Kara didn’t care. She threw the door open, sending the lock mechanism flying across the room and cracking the bomb-proof glass on the process. Alex pulled her alien pistol and aimed it at Kara’s head.
“Don’t make me hurt you, Kara. I won’t let you do something you regret.”
Kara stared at her with bloodshot eyes, the ocean blue irises turned a bruise purple as red flashes danced across the whites, like the setting sun chasing across frosted snow. She moved with a languid, inhuman grace, at once casual and as menacing as a predator stalking prey that had no means of escape.
“Hello, Lena.”
“Kara,” Alex warned. “I know you’re in there. Come back with me.”
Kara ignored her, sweeping her aside with an outstretched arm. Alex went flying, crashing into the doors with a grunt, rolling to the ground unmoving.
“Kara,” Lena said calmly, backing away. “You hurt Alex.”
“I know.”
“Why are you doing this?”
Kara smiled at her, but there was none of her usual joy, her usual mirth, only a cold, vicious baring of teeth. Lena thumped against her bookcase and a model of the HMS victory that Lex gave her after he finished it toppled from the self.
Kara caught it and returned it to its place. She thrust her hands out, bracketing Lena as she leaned in, trapping her. Lena’s heart was pounding.
“You’re scared,” Kara said, “I can taste it in your pheromones. Did you know I can do that? I can sense your skin’s electrical impedance and see the heat bloom in your flesh and hear your heartbeat. If I focus very very hard I can hear brainwaves.”
“I didn’t know that,” Lena said, shocked at the smooth calm in her own voice.
“I knew it was a lie the whole time. I knew it was a lie from the night at the Pullitzer gala, when you really started loathing me.”
“Then why did you-“
“I didn’t want it to be a lie!” Kara snapped, jolting Lena as she pressed into the bookcase. “I wanted it to be real. I wanted finally be free of the pain of hiding myself from you.”
Behind them, Alex groaned as she sat up, staring at them with a thin trickle of blood running from her nose.
“Kara,” Lena said, very softly. “I can see that you’re sick . Let me help you. I can purge the red Kryptonite from your system in my lab.”
“Why would I want to purge it?”
“You hurt Alex. You love Alex.”
“Do I?”
“Yes,” said Lena. “You’re good, Kara. You’re so good. You’re the kindest, most merciful-“
“I’m tired of being kind!” Kara shouted, stinging her ears. “I’m tired of being nice. I’m tired of taking bullets for people! Just because they don’t inure me doesn’t mean they don’t hurt!”
“I didn’t know that either,” Lena whispered. “I thought…”
“You thought nothing hurts me,” Kara said, leaning in close, so close her breath tickled Lena’s lips. “But you hurt me. You hurt more than anything. More than your brother, more than Reign, more than the clone. Dying don’t hurt as much as you hurt me.”
Lena spared Alex a glance. She was lying against the doors, holding her belly. She met Lena’s gaze levelly and Lena knew in an instant the danger she was in and the terrible truth.
She was the only one who could stop Kara.
“I know,” said Lena. “I know I did and it felt good when I was doing it.”
“Lena!” Alex gasped, “are you fucking crazy?”
“It felt good,” Lena said, trying to force the trembling out of her voice and failing. “It felt so good to lash out. I wanted to hurt someone. I want to hurt everyone. I wanted everyone to feel what I’m feeling. Especially you. I bet it felt a lot like what you’re feeling now.”
Kara’s eyes were wild with fury, moments from kindling the red-sun fire that would wipe Lena from existence.
“I never stopped believing in you,” said Kara. “I’m the only reason you’re not in a cell beneath a secret desert compound. All this time I’ve defended you and believed in you and protected you.”
“All this time?” Lena snapped back, fury kindling behind the terror, chasing it back as a fire’s light chases the dark.
She was Lena Luthor. She wasn’t going to die afraid.
“You mean all this time when you accused me of conspiring against you? When you suddenly turned cold to me after telling me how you believed in me? When you made my boyfriend spy on me and destroyed my relationship?”
Lena’s hands released the shelves she’d been strangling in twin death grips.
“I… I…”
“How was I supposed to react to learning that you were both people? After what you did? You should punish me, Kara. I’m a murderer.”
Alex gasped, eyes darting from Kara to Lena.
“I killed my brother for you,” Lena said, very softly. “I killed him because I had to. Because you never would. I’m not a hero like you. I’d do it again. I’d do it all again for you. Now I find out he’s still alive. I may have to. I will. I’ll make sure he’s dead this time!”
Kara blinked, her eyes steaming from the heat inside her as tears ran down her cheeks.
“It hurts,” Kara whispered. “It hurts seeing the truth. It hurts to know what I did.”
“I know how much it hurts,” Lean said, bringing her hands to cup Kara’s face lightly. She was shaking, feverish, her skin almost uncomfortably hot. Lena felt a touch of rising panic and forced it down.
“It hurts knowing that I broke up you and James on purpose. It hurts knowing why. It hurts that even now I can’t say it, I’m too scared.”
“I’m supposed to want you and not him,” Lena said.
Kara jerked back slightly, her eyes going wide. It was an admission without words, a confession to a crime she’d already admitted. She pressed her eyes shut and the tears flowed anyway.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know,” said Lena. “It hurts, doesn’t it? The anger.”
“Yes,” said Kara. “It burns. It’s burning me up. I can feel it in my chest, like it’s turning my ribs to cinders.”
Lena nodded. “I came back for you.”
“What?”
“I came back for you. I went back to the Fortress. I was as going to let you out, accept the consequences of what I’d done, but Alex must have already found you.”
“She did.”
“She always takes care of you, doesn’t she?”
Kara blinked. “Yes.”
“It hurt the most then,” said Lena, “knowing that I’d made my choice and I couldn’t take it back. I planned it all for months. I lost myself in how good it would feel to make you suffer like I’m suffering. Then when I did it there was nothing. No joy. No catharsis. I just felt hollow.”
Lena sighed. “I fucked up. I ruined my life.”
She flinched as Kara’s too-warm hand brushed her cheek, her thumb grazing lightly over her chin.
“I would forgive you any trespass. I would never hurt you,” she said, even as she trembled with rage.
“I know,” said Lena.
“Part of me wants to.”
“I know. Kara, let me help you. Please. You’re sick.”
Kara looked at her and Lena wondered what was going through her head. Did she think it was all a manipulation, a ploy? Would she lose it and snap Lena’s neck, or whip her head with a burst of heat vision and burn them all?
“Okay,” Kara breathed.
Lena reached over and pulled the book on her shelf that opened with direct elevator to her private lab. It was a touch melodramatic, but hell, it was he office.
She gave Alex a glance, waiting for the nod before she stepped inside with Lena.
They rode down in silence. Kara fell back on Lena’s exam table and closed her eyes as Lena placed the device on Kara’s chest. The House of El rune on the machine glowed as it recalibrated itself and began purging the radiation from her system.
Lena knew it was working when Kara began to weep, her face twisting in a grimace of towering grief. When it was done, Lena carefully removed the device and brushed loose strands of hair from Kara’s eyes and gently wrapped her arms around her. Kara buried her face in Lena’s neck and sobbed, shaking the table with the fury of her sorrow.
“I didn’t mean it,” she whimpered.
“I know,” Lena whispered, smoothing a hand over her head. “I know.”
“Is Alex…”
“She’ll be fine, her people have already taken her to the L-Corp infirmary. She’s fine.”
Kara’s voice was almost childlike. “Did I hurt you?”
Lena closed her eyes. “Yeah. You hurt me. It’s okay, darling. It’s going to be okay.”
Kara’s arms looped around her, tentatively. When Lena didn’t push her back, Kara relaxed into the hug.
“I’m sorry, Lena. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Shhh, I know. I know. I’m sorry too. I forgive you.”
“You can’t,” Kara whimpered. “You can’t just do that.”
“Yes I can. I’m so rich I can do whatever I want. Here.”
Without letting Kara go, she reached over and took Myriad, placing it in Kara’s hands.
“It’s going to be okay,” Lena whispered, as Kara hugged her tighter.
294 notes
·
View notes
Kara knew something was wrong from Lena’s heartbeat. That alone, the barely detectable change in rhythm and tempo, was enough, but her breathing was erratic and as Kara drew nearer, drifting through the afternoon air, she could hear the soft sobs.
A bad feeling had come over Kara. Things had been quiet between the two of them ever since the wedding; there had been a strange tension between them on that happy day and Kara couldn’t say why
(she knew what she wanted it to be but didn’t dare hope)
and with Alex and Kelly away on their honeymoon, Kara had mostly been on her own. Nia was spending most of her free time with Brainy and Kara sensed a proposal coming, and she was busy preparing for her public interview with Cat Grant. She was going to rip the bandages off and reveal her identity. There was a great deal of work involved, and Kara had spent a lot of time fretting over the details, and in the back of her head she was worried about the ramifications of years spent reporting on Supergirl and using “her” as a source. It was a massive ethical dilemma, and thought it always made sense at the time…
Right now all that mattered was the heartbeat. Kara had been giving Lena the space she sensed she needed, but Jess had called Kara from the Foundation and told her that Lena hadn’t come to work in three days, and no one had heard from her. It was uncharacteristic of someone who ran her life with almost military precision. Kara had even asked Alex to text Lena, but they’d gotten the same single word replies.
Kara pulled in a big breath, feeling her stomach churn as she lighted on the balcony and slid open the door, knowing it would be unlocked. She wished Lena would stop doing that, but also felt a little tilt in her chest from knowing Lena hadn’t locked her out.
She was on the sofa, curled up on her side and asleep. She’d probably had the same pajamas on for two days and there were empty bottles of wine in a neat row on the table in front of her. Her eyes were puffy from crying and her cheeks a little raw. Kara felt an instant pang and reached for her, before stopping to deactivate her suit.
Kneeling next to the sofa, Kara touched her fingers to Lena’s shoulders. Lena woke instantly with a start, head jolting up as she sucked in a reedy breath and her heart raced explosively, sending a shock of terror up Kara’s spine.
“Oh fuck,” Lena blurted, kicking out her legs as she bolted upright. “Oh God, Kara what…”
“Hey,” Kara said softly. “I was… I’m sorry. Are you okay? I came in through the balcony. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Lena’s chest heaved as she gasped for breath, staring at Kara with watery eyes. “Are you real?”
“What? Yes, of course I’m real.”
“I must have been dreaming. It was a dream. Just a dream. I was dreaming,” Lena muttered.
Kara rose from her knees and sat down on the couch.
“Come here.”
Lena almost crashed into her, wrapping her arms tightly around Kara and squeezing hard. She smoothed her fingers over the soft dark waves of Lena’s hair and pulled her in as she began to sob into Kara’s shoulder.
“I dreamed he killed you,” Lena choked out. “He came back again and he killed you and I couldn’t stop it. It felt so real.”
“I’m fine. I’m right here.”
Lena continued to sob, her entire body shaking with the force of it. Kara wrapped her in a fierce hug, trembling as she did.
“Every time I close my eyes he’s there, and when I’m awake all I can think about is that I killed my brother.”
“That didn’t happen in this timeline.”
Lena choked out an angry, frustrated sob. “It happened for me. I aimed a gun at my own brother’s chest and I pulled the trigger. And he came back! He came back and he almost killed you two or three fucking times, I can’t count.”
“He’s gone. He’s not coming back.”
“You can’t just say that!” Lena screamed into Kara’s throat.
Stunned, Kara softened her grip on Lena, only for Lena to pull her in harder, like she was trying to climb inside her.
“Why can’t I stop mourning him? He ruined my life. He was the person I trusted most and he turned out to be a monster. He used me my whole life and my emotions were just a game to him. He tried to to kill the woman I… tortured you, took you away for months and I thought I’d never see you again. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was and how much…”
Lena cut herself off with a sob.
“I know it’s not the same,” Kara murmured, “but when I was a little girl I worshipped my father. I wanted to grow up like him and do what he did. I was going to be a scientist too.”
“You’d have been a good one.”
Kara shook her head. “My father was responsible for the Medusa virus. A bioweapon designed to eradicate non-Kryptonian life. A weapon of genocide.”
Lena shuddered.
Kara swallowed, hard.
“My world wasn’t a paradise. It felt that way because it was simple for me. There wasn’t all the pain of learning alien ways and an alien language and controlling superpowers and everything else. My father taught and protected me and my mom maintained order. But it was wasn’t a paradise. My people were… Krypton was… I think in a lot of worlds out there, we were the bad guys. Okay, the Daxamites were slavers, but on Krypton people were born into the labor guild and did menial jobs their whole lives, while people like me were born into privilege. Is that much better?”
“I don’t understand.”
“I don’t judge you for mourning Lex, Lena. He was your protector and your friend, and it was real to you. If there’s anything I hate him for, it’s hurting you.” Kara swallowed. “The one thing I can’t abide is anyone hurting you. I’ll break all my rules to keep you safe.”
Lena’s breathing eased and Kara could feel her relax.
“I’ve been avoiding you.”
“I figured you needed space. I wasn’t sure why but I trusted you to tell me if you need to.”
There was a long, heavy pause, and then Lena said.
“Kara, I can’t do this. I can’t share you.”
“Share me?”
“When you reveal your identity,” Lena pulled back, “you’re going to be the most famous person in the word. Everyone is going to be all over you. The press, politicians, everybody, and everyone who has a grudge against you or your cousin is going to know exactly where to find you, all the time.”
“I’ll keep you safe, no one will…”
“I didn’t say anything about me. You, Kara. What about you?”
“I’m Supergirl. I’ll be fine.”
“And what about me?” said Lena.
“I told you…”
“No. What about me when I have to watch you getting beaten to a pulp by another alien? What about me when you’re in a coma on the sun bed? What about me when I see on the news that a bomb went off in your apartment and I have to wonder if it was laced with Kryptonite shrapnel? I’m not worried about people coming after me. I’m a billionaire with magic powers. I could put on a goofy costume and join the club if I wanted. I’ve already lost you so many times and I can’t do it again.”
Stunned, Kara sat with her eyes wide, not sure when exactly she’d lifted Lena into her lap.
“It’s so selfish of me,” Lena went on. “You don’t belong to me. I don’t get to make demands of you. But don’t want you to out yourself. I don’t want to lose you again. As soon as you do this you’re going to be hounded by the whole world and they’ll claw you away from me again.”
Kara’s own heart raced now, hammering in her chest. Lena sounded so desperate and so sure, clinging to a Kara like she might disappear.
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s your choice and I have to respect it. It’s okay,” she was clearly telling herself.
“No,” Kara choked out, “no it’s not. I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been.”
“Kara,” said Lena.
“No. I have been. I can’t believe I said what I said to you at the wedding, about not being my authentic self. To you, of all people.”
Lena swallowed hard. Kara drew back and looked at her, really looked at her, drinking in the soft beauty of her eyes as she swept back a tear with a brush of her thumb. Lena’s eyes were huge, her lips trembling, and Kara felt an almost painful pang of sorrow and regret and a powerful stirring, long thrust down and buried and now clawing its way forth as Lena stared back, the deep sadness and loss in her own eyes tinged by a hint of forlorn hope.
“I can’t believe that I can see through walls and I’m so blind.”
“Kara?” Lena whispered.
“I’m calling it off. I’ll keep my secret.”
“You don’t have to do that just to please me.”
“I don’t need them. I need you. I’m yours, if you’ll have me.”
Lena’s heart raced so fast that Kara briefly thought she might have to fly her to the hospital. Instinctively, she slipped one arm under her knees and the other around her shoulders and stood, lifting Lena as if she weighed nothing.
Eyes wide, Lena bit her lip.
“What do you mean?”
“What do you mean when you say you’re mine? I need you to say it, Kara. I was too scared at the wedding. I can’t do this. I need you to.”
Oh.
Kara shifted her Lena’s weight in her arms, bring them closer together. She’d danced this dance before; she thought of the day she came back from the Phantom Zone, when she held Lena in her arms and felt the sun again and she almost did it, she almost just fucking did it…
And she did it.
She kissed Lena, already ready to sputter an apology and find a way out of this, but her words were lost when Lena’s soft lips met hers and Lena was ready to devour her, happily rocketing past chaste first kiss as she grabbed Kara with both hands and pulled her in.
Kara’s stomach flipped. She didn’t know what to do. She’d been kissed, she thought she’d been intimate, but she could see now that those things had been mere stimulation and nothing more. Something soared inside her as she had soared in the sky the very first time she flew. Joy unbridled swelled in her chest and she could feel Lena laughing exultantly into her mouth and even as tears mingled on her cheeks.
She wanted this. She wanted this. It was right here all along.
“Kara,” Lena whispered. “I…”
“Should I put you down?”
“On the bed.”
314 notes
·
View notes