#theres too many ways to say everything in every language

[pancakeke]

ella está echando un pequeño mirada

[strab3rr]

(long story and no short sorry) GUYSSS I DID ITT

I INDUCED IT!!!!! I WAS PURE AS A FUCKING BABY

IDK WHAT TO SAY (ok enough w capslock)

i have so much to say and not a thing at da same time idk how

anyway i want to begin with thanking you @b4ddprincess bc youre the reason i realized why i started this thing. thank you for making my life better and make me realized what i need to do: nothing. (its same for you guys, all u have to do is nothing)

two fuckn years ago i said to myself that i need a better life, quiter life, less fight with everthing bc everything was so loud and not clear i was feeling lost like a child in the market, and i wanted to make things better for myself in every way, but the main idea of my reasons to wanting to get in the void was: making anxiety go and having better people in my life. but the ''voidlist'' just never stopped bc im kinda greedy(having the idea of controling on your life, the idea of that power makes you greedy. yes thats a thing) anyway the more i add to the list the more i feel like im movin away from my desires then i feel depressed bc ive overcomplicating it bc theres so many things to do but i dont do anything so nothing happend bc i was waiting to be someth happen. and then i started doing awkwardly silly things such as: void routines and challenges and (im embarrassed of this one bc i was too desperate) drinking water

youve read it correct drinking water.

i was sooo desperate for having those things id do anything to get them.

i am simple. i want what everyone wants🎀🎀🎀: shifting realities bc i have so many crush and i need them to be crush me in bed(for 2020 girlies)

being an academic weapon is so easy for me🎀(bc of the urge to make my family proud) +dream collage

being the girl that everyone gets along w(basic needs)

being the girl who is pretty not cute(trauma response)

glowing aura(cats loves people w glowing aura yes thats a thing too)

dream body n hair(bc i deserve this🎀)

healthy (girlyfriend)friends(basic needs)

and of course him, my sp(i cant tell wich one at that time but i releived that its not him now, bc MY BELOVED CURRENT BF. guyss he is the one. dont u dare ask me how you know? i literally manifested him🎀)

then i realized i can have everything bc its my reality so why not add these:

new phone, +macbook air

dream apartment of my own

pinterest closet

lifa app for this reality

financially free-money(a lot. like really a lot)

knowing 4 languages like a native person(bc i want to be diplomat so bad) +sign language(its in general)

a little drama(its not gonna hurt anybody)

my parents being more lovable and away from me

every time i try to get in, either i was failing or falling

and im sick of it, sick of it so much i quit.(for a year)

then i go to the theraphy(ofc no im jk ilove being crazy)

one day i saw a post ss from tumblr about pure consciousness on pinterest and i was like whaat is thiiss. no mention of void so i thougt its a diffrent thing and i download the tumblr again and search everything abt it. and same excitement again after one year same thougts and same list popes up in my head. and i was like ok maybe this time itll happen.

still waiting to be someth happen so nothing happend, it was such a waste of time trying to get in while i was already be, i was already what i want to become. i was that girl that everyone gets along with but i couldnt even see bc i was too focused on wanting to be. but still tried every night and failed. and again tried-failed-quit circle bc.. have you ever met me🎀

4 month ago i saw the girl, iconic blogger and the goddess of my dreams, her @b4ddprincess thx again love u so much

a post pops in my fyp and i see the words ''pure consciousness'' i was like noo not again. and i was serious abt it i wasnt gonna read the whole thing but it attract me n i couldnt resist it so ive read it from the top to the bottom. and she got my interest so i stalked her page from the last and to the first post. it was quiet a beautiful journey for me. lasted like 3 days, the end of the 3rd day i was ''woaw it was this easy all along? u cant be serious.'' she was. i tried one last time, no breathing exercise, no ridiculous routines and no waiting something to be happen. it was just me being real me chilling out asf.

and it was this easy and it should be this easy bc being your 4d self is being nothing also being everything at the same time. if u wanna be everything you should be nothing first(as wizardliz saying: drop the old story, leave the victimhood, for being better stop being bitter etc.)u should make a space for everything first and then u can be everything.

for being 4d self of yours stop being your3dself.

sooo long story (no)short i am writing this from my mac in my new apartment(in middle of the night bc i couldnt sleep and then one tumblr notification reminded me i have a success story to share too) and my phone buzzing two minutes a time bc of my friends while im writing this, so if theres anything wrong ignore it pls.

oh u asking my bf how cute, hes sleepin in my bed now, exhausted from the work n school balance.

YWS SCHOOL!! im in my dream collage and im going to be in paris for a week. i deserve a vacation i guess(its for another conference), i kinda hate french men bc theyre so mansplaning(not like how i imagined, its hard to be friends w them)girls are cute but i feel like theyre aware im not permanent there so we just con buddies still cute and hepful for this foreigner.

and i canceled the lifa app thingy bc i can be my purest consciousness anytime i want, so i am my lifa app.

and thx to 4 languages i make a lot of money and that brings us to the pinterest closet, yesterday i realiased that. theyre not comes to me w an imaginary way like i imagined! i go outside for shopping casually and theyre there luckily i have enough money to buy them.

and my family theyre living in our hometown now so as i want it to be, we are away from eachother.

and the most magical thing: SHIFTING REALITIESSS

i did 5 world before i met w my bf. it was such a wonderful experience. if you have doubts abt shifting you can go fuck urself

because sir i did it and i am very sure that dean winchester being my husband is not a daydream, fantasy nor lucid dreaming. believe it or not he kissed me GOD HE KİSSED ME(someone should stop me i have a bf)

is there anything i missed let me see.. cats i have 2 cats now and theyre adorable. glowing aura-check

the girl who is pretty not cute- check +make anxietygo-checkcheckcheck

dream body and hair- check and check

i wanna give u a info i didnt have all my desires by being my4dself

not directly actually. but i have them all. and thats the point.

im not trying to be a blogger but if you have any question abt anything, id be happy to help

now i need to upgrade things in my farm byeess

loves, siena.

[ozzy-boy]

Cole love languages <3

(this is a long one, strap in. theres so much to write about considering hes literally obsessed)

((can you tell he's my fave?))

-When it comes to love languages, all of the above is pretty fitting for Cole... If you asked him directly what his favorite is, he'd struggle to find an answer. There are so many wonderful ways to love you...

-One he leans towards is words of affirmation.

-Cole lives and breathes to compliment you. It comes easy to him because he thinks that every single thing you do is cute. Every. Single. Thing.

-You could stand perfectly still, doing absolutely nothing and Cole would compliment the way you breathe. Everything about you is simply magnificent, and he's not afraid to speak his mind.

-In return, he feels like he's walking on air for days after you compliment him.

-Your words float around in his head and heart like butterflies, and he repeats it to himself constantly. You think he's handsome, you love him, you think he has a cute smile...

-No matter what it is, he holds your praise close to his heart.

-An extremely big fan of physical touch. But watch out. He gets crazy cuteness aggression sometimes.

-Gets sudden, overwhelming urges to squeeze or bite. Admittedly, he tries very hard not to act on these urges out of fear of hurting you. (Unless you're. Y'know. Into that kind of thing.) He kind of jokes around about it to gauge your reaction but it's very, very real.

-Often takes his aggression out on a pillow or something soft when the urge gets unbearable. Even just thinking about you too much can give him an overwhelming burst of energy. Needs to get it out of his system every once in a while so that he doesn't let it slip around you.

-At first, in your early relationship, Cole keeps his hands very notably to himself. He's always either holding himself or has his hands folded at the small of his back.

-Despite... well, everything, Cole is not delusional. He understands very well that his feelings and urges are not... normal. He worries quite a bit about scaring you away by revealing too much. So he keeps to himself for a long time, only occasionally dipping into your personal space for a few brief moments. Usually to whisper in your ear or tease you when he sees the opportunity.

-He allows you to set the pace of your relationship, only delving into his desires once it's been made clear that you feel the same way. Contact between you two will have to be initiated by you at the start.

-Once you've been together for a while though, this caution goes out the window. Now that you're his, get ready, because Cole. Is. Clingy. Wants to be touching you at all times. The only time he feels like he has true control over himself is when he's in your arms.

-Sorry but he is 100% guilty of lovebombing after he's done or said something suspicious lmao.

-Oh, you just caught him following you...? Er, well, has he told you recently how cute you are? And hasn't it been a dreadfully long time since he kissed you? Looks like he'll have to spend the next several minutes remedying that haha nothing suspicious about that haha....

-Always finds a way to weasel out of anything regarding his 'tendencies'. He's cute enough that he usually succeeds.

-Side note, he's a biter. Cole will occasionally stride over to you, bite your neck or shoulder (sometimes leaving a hickey if you'll let him), and then walk away like nothing happened. He'll also nip at your lips or fingers to tease. If you ask him about it, he'll say that it's a lingering effect from the curse, but how true that is is debatable.

-Your quality time is very dear to him. Always annoyed when something (or someone) cuts into your time together.

-Quality time is often intrinsically linked to physical touch for him. Would spend every waking moment in your arms if he could. It's not realistic of course, but a man can dream...

-Although, he'll enjoy doing anything with you. Loves to join in on your hobbies and the activities you enjoy, and appreciates it if you return the favor. Admittedly, Cole doesn't indulge in many hobbies (at least not many that he can actually tell you about) but he loves it if you get involved with his interests.

-Will often spend his time lackadaisically following you to and fro, if only to have a few more minutes with you. This is especially apparent in the mornings when you're getting ready for your day. He'll trail after you while you make breakfast, shower, get dressed... Everything, just for the few extra seconds of attention it gains him. And if he gets a few kisses along the way, then he certainly won't complain.

-If you're going somewhere, Cole will always offer to tag along. Going to the grocery store? He'll come with you to carry your bags. Going to work? He'll walk you there. Can't be too careful, now can we? Going to see a friend? Well... why would you do that when you could be here with him?

-tldr this man doesnt understand the concept of personal space nor time

-He's not super into gift giving, but he's hardly against it.

-Cole likes to get you presents more than he likes to receive them. All he desires is your time and attention (all of it).

-Shockingly good at getting you gifts. Almost suspiciously so...

-You know that weird phenomenon when you start wanting something and then suddenly you start seeing ads everywhere for that thing? Yeah, that's kind of what receiving gifts from Cole is like.

-You'll get something from him before you even know you wanted it.

-It's not like he stalks you when you aren't together and watches your every move and notices when your eyes linger on things when you're shopping or snooping through your phone when you leave the room to see if you've searched for anything recently haha totally not.....

-He loves the look of surprise that passes over your face when you open gifts lovingly wrapped by him.

-While it's not his preference, he loves receiving gifts from you, especially if there's no particular reason for it. Makes his heart squeeze painfully to know that you think of him when he's not around enough to buy him things. Perhaps you think about him as much as he thinks about you...? (impossible)

-Couldn't care less what the actual gift is. For Cole, it really is the thought that counts.

-Goes nuts over acts of service. You'll never have to lift a finger around him.

-Cole could wait on you hand and foot for the rest of his life and be content. Treats you like royalty. A prince/ss and their lowly servant... Born to fulfill your every whim.

-Loves to dote on you. Please let him dote on you. Even the most minor of things will be done in a flash if you want... Or the most major of things.

-Will do absolutely anything for you. No questions asked.

-He rather enjoys household chores, actually. Cleaning sort of comes naturally to him. If you live together, expect Cole to keep the house spotless. Just don't think too hard about how many surfaces/materials he knows how to clean blood out of...

-Additionally, he loves to cook for you. Cole would hardly describe himself as a health nut, but he is very mindful. He likes to be in charge of your meals to ensure you're eating properly and being healthy. King of making you eat all your vegetables.

-He's lowkey a pushover when it comes to you though so he'll do or make whatever you want anyways <3

[strawberry-spectre]

okay i need to hear your FULL thoughts on the spelltine comic!!!!!!

ALRIGHT LETS GOOOOOO (ill be commenting on every page of the comic so its gonna be long)

P1. I absolutely LOVE Whisp here, she's so supportive and so fun and I love how they drew her platonically kissing Valentine when he fell (also the pose she makes is the same as the one Val makes in P6 lol). Idk if the ' after some of the words Valentine says is suppose to be showing his southern accent but I love it. I also love the reference to the Eternal Body Odor pit it's so silly :,) BUT NOTHING BEATS VALENTINE DEAD ON THE FLOOR LMAO- and our queen Drac here looks GOREGOUS and I love how they gave her the pink bat necklace Clawd got her in one of the earlier webisodes its soo cute!!

P2. One of my favourite things on this page is how Valentine went from 'WOULDYOULIKETOBEFRIENDS' to 'I mean-' like its so funny how hes tryna act cool even though Draculaura alr saw how nervous he was lmao, the sparkles and sigh puff thing rly made it so much better. My other favourite on this page is Valentine stressing over that interaction with wide eyes staring into nothing with his hands covering his mouth and stray hairs everywhere, its peak fr. I love how espressive Valentine is LIKE OADFVHNAEGIRJ3GVBAGEIRBVAEIUF

P3. SPELLDON DEBUT LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! he genuinely looks so cool and cute at the same time I LOVE his purple undereye eyeshadow it looks like hes got some heavy eye bags lmao- the way Spelldons just calm and collected meanwhile Valentine is reacting to everything like its the biggest shock in his life ever is so funny and I absolutely love that dynamic. I also love how many necklaces Spelldons got on its so him. My favourite line from this page is 'it's gonna be dead in a few days, like my soul' like ok emo- ITS SO FUNNYDIJVBIEAVGAERU I LOVE HIM SM- I love complaining Valentine hes so silly :,) the way he exaggerates everything is so ugh <3333

P4. ngl when I read 'magician' I immediately thought of the ones in circuses with the pulling bunnies out of a top hat kind and I was so confused- and that look on Spelldons face?? bro knew that he's gonna get dragged into some craaaazy shenanigans. I love how Spelldon expresses his emotions through his eyes but Valentine expresses it through body language. Spelldon trying to talk Valentine out of the potion with him defending the idea is so cute like lover's quarrel before the lover's <33

P5. Bro Valentine talks so much his speech bubbles take up half the page lmao- butttttt I am slightly concerned about the bat wings in the back of the store... but thats nothing compared to the skulls and bones?? ig it makes sense since its MH but I'm still cry-laughing about it :,)) idk what the word is (sarcastic or sassy or smth) BUT SPELLDON'S REPLIES R MY FAVOURITE THINGS EVERRRR 'are you doubting my potion-crafting ability?' 'not in biteology' 'you're really good at that' LIKE UGHHHIFUVHBSIETRBI HES SO FIVBEIRUBNVARIE. Not them planning a date while shopping- also wtf is that Elissabat cutout?? what did they do to her :,0000 (the Murktail sign next to it is giving foreshadowing)

P6. AHHHHHH I LOVE THEM ICE SKATING SMMM AND AS ALWAYS SPELLDON IS ROCKING IT WHILE VALS JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE FJVAEIFVBIEUR HAHAHAHA but you know what's better??? VALENTINE FALLS AND THEY FALL TOGETHERRRRR AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THEY MAKE ME SO SICK I LOVE THEM SM- FIVJBARI first time we see Spelldon lose his cool like damn- WITH THE FIREWORKS TOO AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH (Spelldon I see your hand hovering over Valentine, its okay ;))!!!!! I love the layout for this page and P7 sm its so fun to look at and theres so much colours!! and the implication that Val and Spell went 'borrowing' the guy's 'authentic himalayan ice malt' is so SCDFVGBNHJMK AND THAT LOOK THEY GAVE EACH OTHER ORIHVNSIERBNG

P7. NOT THEM FLIRTING AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THEY MAKE ME WANNA KMS THEYRE SO SWEET- AND VALENTINES PULLING OUT THE FULL NAME- 'you take me to the nicest places, Spelldon Cauldronello' with that U-U face and that clasped hands okay I see you Val, I see you. Favourite thing from this page? def the expectation vs reality chibi, ITS SO CUTEEEEE SPELLDON WANTING TO PROTECT VALENTINE MAKES ME ASCEND TO HEAVEN AND VALENTINE WORRYING OVER SPELLDON IRL TAKES ME THERE- Spelldon confirming that Valentine's accent is bad is so real bro when I watched the movie for the first time I was like '...he's southern??' BUT, THAT LINE 'you don;t do it with me' IS SO SXCDVFGBNHJM like Mr Cauldronello are you jealous?? its okay you can tell me <33 Valentine thinking a fake southern accent made him cooler and added to his ~mystique~ is so SDCFVGB hes so silly :,)) (I thought they forgot to draw Valentine's irises in the scene after bc I didn't realise he was looking up lmao)

P8. Valentine trying to diverge the convosation is so real bro like dw Spelldon knows you don't actually want to make all your emotions go poof, BUT ITS STILL SUCH A CUTE SCENE LIKE HES FINALLY COME TO THE REALISATION THAT LOVE ISNT ALL THAT BAD- crying :,) and when he started to explain how he likes hanging out w Spelldon, how he's glad that what happened happened, and the 'maybe I don't want to give that up yet' UGHHHHHHH MY HEART LEGIT FLUTTERED DCFVGBHNJM AND IT WAS SUCH A HEARTFELT SCENE AND I SCREAMED SO LOUD INTERNALLY and then Spelldon drinks it lmao- like yes! have your future bf worry for a few seconds before going haha jk! love it Spelldon's so CDVFGBNH i love him sm :,))

P9. 'you really think I was going to let you excise your emotions like that?' SPELLDON I LOVE YOU- THATS SUCH A COOL LINE BRO IXJNIJFVNSIUFVBNJDFC and then he hits Val with the 'someone you cared about' line LIKE THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO SINGLE IM HURT- SPELLDON BASICALLY ADMITTED THAT HE CARES ABT VALENTINE AND YES IT WAS OBVIOUS BUT THERES JUST SOMETHING ABT SAYING IT THAT JUST HITS DIFFERENT YKNOW?? ugh I need Spelltine to be my new heart I dont want my human heart anymore :,0. AND THE WAY VALENTINE GRABBED SPELLDON'S SHIRT AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH the way they looked at each other and the confession of feelings and everything and OH MY GODS THE 'maybe we can make sure it's not working...?' GODS, GODS, GODS- WE?? THE SLIGHT HESITATION?? THE FACES ONLY 10 CM AWAY FROM EACH OTHER??? your honor, they kissed. FUCK- CAN YOU TELL THAT I LOVE THIS PAGE?? THEYRE SO SWEET- KMS-

P10. THE. HAND. GRAB. gosh I can't deal with them- VALENTINE TAKING SPELLDON'S HAND WITH BOTH HIS HANDS IM SICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK THEYRE SO SWEET- AND SPELLDON STILL HAS THE ROSE FROM VALENTINESERXDTFCYGUH oh lords they're everything- AND SPELLDON LOOKS AT VALENTINE WITH SUCH SOFT EYES WHEN WILL I HAVE WHAT THEY HAVE?? 'hmm somethings different about you, kieran valentine', Draculaura, he's come to terms with his emotions, he's made peace with the past and present, hes got an amazing bf, hes finally got that happiness, yep, very different :,DDDD

I love this so much it's the perfect ending, PERFECT. I literally can't even describe how much I love it with the 'and stop holding your hand?', the entire 'well i uh think it'll be cool if you met her- if you wanna thay is' text and EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING IS PERFECTION. ABSOLUTE P E R F E C T I O N. AND THE WAY VALENTINE LEANS AGAINST SPELLDON AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHO NEEDS THERAPY WHEN YOU'VE GOT THIS???? AND SPELLDON BLUSHING IS SO CUTEEEEEE THEYRE SO CUTEE gods I need help-

summary: they are so damn sweet, the comic layout is so good, the emotions was perfect, everything is perfect, I'm gonna die from happiness overload, I feel like a proud mother seeing them finally be together its WSERDTFGYUH if i die and im not holding this under my crossed arms then im not dying fr

thank u for the ask!!

[fruit-salad-ship]

She's returned from Hisui, some mons find her out in the field in the same spot where she was taken, unconcious and hurt badly, but alive, Val in her arms even in her state. Theyre rushed to the labs, and despite brutal injury, should be fine. Val's put in the ICU, the staff do not leave her alone, if anything were to happen to that pokemon Peach would lose it.

The professor herself is taken home, dosed to the hilt with pain meds, and put in bed after being cleaned up a little, checked out. Some broken ribs, fractures in the hands, a knuckle completly shattered, the healing mons come to her, repair what they can, but theres not a lot to be done about broken bones, those just take time.

Grey cannot explain the clothes, the scars that she never had, healed and seemingly old now, nor the changes in her physical apperance, hairs longer than it was that morning, she's somehow bigger? the notable white streak in the hair??? Only thing she's got on her is a half filled notebook tucked away in a pocket, small but hers, full of scribbles, sketches, mons long extinct in some cases, unusual variants, some kid he's never seen, Val, scenery. Plum in particular thumbs through it for a long while, unaware that this woman had any artistic skill, but it had to be her right? Thats her hand writing... some of it in Ancient Hisuian????? A pretty dead language these days. She said she was from Sinnoh but didnt expect this level of knowedge from her.

Takes 13 hours for her to wake up, the longest 13 hours theyve sat through, neither able to sleep, pacing around the house. When she's finally awake, totally buzzed from painkillers, nothing feels real, its out of body, touching stuff is abstract, the feeling is all wrong, heads fuzzy, she hit the deck pretty hard during the battle with Arcaeus, body went through a lot, she recalls falling for a long time, the impact should have broken her back, cracked her head, but here she is. She must be dead, this is a dream, being back home again like this is not new, she's had this dream so many times since leaving.

It is Val, waking in the ICU and demanding Booker comes to see her immediatly that is the turning point. Since peach left, she'd used taste to ground herself, when dreams felt too real, when reality felt off, taste stays the same. There when youre awake, gone if youre in a dream, or even an illusion. Val tells the Teddiursa to get some potent tasting berry and force feed Peach, only then will she realise this is the real timeline she was suppost to be in. Bob ambles in and sits with Val for the rest of her rest, old friends.

Once Peach realises she's home, truly, her thoughts immediatly go to her partner, and despite dizzy head and a body full of breaks and bruises, she gets on her feet, staggers her way to the labs, finds her partner, in just a bad a way as she is. The two sit together and say nothing, they dont need to. She waits until Val wakes up again, in and out of rest, petting bob as he dozes close. They've gone through hell and back, and now, with her partner, she makes the joke, the one she's sat on the whole time, recalling their original weekend holiday plans.

"Maybe we'll get to go camping now." knowing neither want to be anywhere but curled up at home right now. They fought god and came out alive, fuck camping.

Days pass recovering, neither well, but alive, repairing, it takes time. And in that time, Peach tells her loved ones everything, every lie, every hidden secret, all out on the table, Val even shares some memories with Grey and Plum, who have both a million questions, and new found deep understanding for her personlaity and behaviours now. She is sorry, painfully so, and sees she's made a lifetime of mistakes, too afraid to lose what she'd gained, the good in her life something she was not willing to risk, but in being secretive, she was putting them in danger. If they left now, she would understand, theyre free to do whatever they need to. Grey looks at Plum, a moment passing, before the pair get up. Peach thinks to leave, accepting it, but they wrap her up in their arms and squeeze as much as her damaged body can take.

They're sad for her, she has not had it easy by any means, but after being handed that shitshow of a childhood, Peach made something good of her life, and that takes real strength.

[lilysaus]

okay. this fucking picture made me so mad i went on a 15 minute rant to my sister while she was trying to read her book.

so ive been looking at a lot of pictures of posts on pinterest because thats just where i spend most of my time. most of these posts are on the topic of adhd. ive never been properly diagnosed, but reading through these posts has made me feel so welcomed and understood (more than my parents have made me feel, pretending that this is "all just a phase that ill get over soon because pretending to have adhd is just the thing right now") that i realized ON MY OWN that "hey maybe i do have adhd." well.

i found this post while scrolling through pinterest, and it really sparked my anger.

i have a friend who was diagnosed with add before it was considered an "outdated" term and scrapped because apparently ALL FUCKING FORMS OF NEURODIVERGENCY THAT ARENT AUTISM ARE JUST "ADHD".

i read this post and it was what sparked my anger and my 15 minute rant to my sister. people who get degrees in this stuff, or counselors at schools, never really know what youre going through. all they know is that youre having some problems and they need to be solved.

which brings me back to this picture. if you look up "is add still a thing" on google, this is the first picture to pop up. and just seeing the visual aids they put with it makes me furious enough to throw something or someone out a fifth story window. the little girl is fucking SMILING while thinking about the most common shit people think us neurodivergent folks think when distracted. first off, no. false. we dont just think of video games and candy. we think of the randomest shit possible, like how long can i sit here without blinking or what kind of funny shit can i draw on this one sheet of paper.

and ALSO.

you cant just categorize adhd as TWO SEPARATE THINGS and call it good. we dont fit under two umbrellas. theres too many of us. we each have our own figurative umbrellas that only we ourselves can fit under, no one else. thats the problem with neurotypicals. they fit the typical stereotype for humans: we try to understand everything by putting it in a box. those lists of "symptoms"? i match every single one. on both sides. so ha. take that SCIENTISTS. what am i? some kind of freak of nature because i dont fit under just ONE of your precious categories?

i also looked up what "inattentive" means and it made me angrier. according to oxford languages, "inattentive" means "not paying attention to something", which doesnt seem too bad, right? it fits some people perfectly with their symptoms, right? but its not the definition that bugs me. its the example sentence thats used. "a particularly dull and inattentive student". basically saying that if you dont pay attention well to something, youre dull and boring.

im sorry, what? sometimes i have trouble paying attention, sure, but you ask any of my friends and they can agree i am NOT boring in any way, shape, or form. non of them would describe me as "dull". inattentive? sure, but not dull. so to call it "inattentive" adhd, instead of just add, is stupid! my friend with ADD (not fucking adhd, stupid scientists) is one of the funniest, most entertaining people ive ever met. shes an incredible artist, super smart, and knows how to make anyone laugh. does that sound dull to you? does she have problems focusing sometimes? yes. does she struggle with doing something sometimes? yes. but dont the rest of us?

my point is, when i see things like this, it pisses me off. like, unless all of the scientists who agreed "add" is an outdated term have it themselves, i refuse to believe its outdated and i will continue to say that my friend has it. she was literally diagnosed by the doctor telling her "you have attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder without the hyperactivity." THATS JUST FUCKING ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER YOU DUMBASS!!!

anyway, i hope im not the only one who feels this way. i just felt it necessary to get this out there. maybe someday, people wont be so dumb and single minded. in my opinion, neurodivergent people are superior in intellect and creativity, but i guess until someone like that takes over the world and dropkicks neurotypicals into the stratosphere, we'll never know.

[m-y--p-a-s-s-i-o-n-s]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Thanks for the tag, @lizzy0305 <333

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

162

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

622,263 - surprisingly low for how many fics I have, but a bunch are drabbles so I guess that checks.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

What fandoms don't I write for? XD

Supernatural. Sherlock. Star Trek. Teen Wolf. Marvel. Harry Potter. Merlin. James Bond. Lucifer. House MD. Primeval. Doctor Who. Venom. The Witcher. The Old Guard. Ted Lasso. Detroit Become Human. Good Omens. Our Flag Means Death. Hannibal.

Plus a few others.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Meant To Be - AOS Star Trek

5 Times Jim Forgot About Vulcan Hand Sensitivity & 1 Time He Didn't - AOS Star Trek

Making Love - Venom

Lunch Break - House MD

Truth Or Dare - Supernatural

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to every comment provided its not hate, I ignore hate. I want people to know that their comment is truly appreciated from the bottom of my heart. Comments are food for the writer's soul.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably either The Void (TOS Star Trek) or Forever (SPN) or most of my SPN Endverse fics.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my fics have happy endings, I live for them! Hmmm trying to think of particularly fluffy ones though... The Prince and The Princess - (AOS Star Trek) What No Man Has Done Before - (AOS Star Trek X HP) Good News - (DBH) Afterlife - (TOS Star Trek)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not too much, but it happens every so often. Why people can't just exit a fic or not interact with it if they don't like it is beyond me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sure do. Um, explicit and M/M but the specifics vary depending on pairing and fic. Been getting more detailed and more adventurous with it over the years though.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Ohhhh boi have I ever written a crazy crossover XD

Convergence - where I brought many many fandoms (and even more ships) together in a story with an actual plot.

Its not my only crossover, but it's by far the craziest.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of, but I have been asked if some can be translated before, just never heard from them again.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

In a way with @lizzy0305 who started Fragments ages ago and then I finished it because we both knew she wasn't going to finish it.

and also Double Date with weegie8 a long long time ago.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

My OTP of OTPs is Spirk <3

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Theres a johnlock fic that could be the first wip i never go back to.

and an SPN and a Stanner fic that both could stay wips forever, but honestly it just takes one spark in my brain and the right mood and I could finish any of these, so never say never.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Not sure really. My fluff is extra tooth rotting? XD Also once I get used to a character their voice is easy to channel I suppose.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Feels like everything when you're trying to write a damn fic XD um, maybe not putting in enough details into a scene.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I often use Vulcan language in Star Trek fics, I think it adds to it. However I get that it can be annoying to not understand a piece of likely important dialogue cause its in another language. It doesn't bother me though.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Technically HP when I was teen, before I knew what fandom and fanfiction were. But when I was in the know it was Supernatural.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

How can I just pick one? I'll pick a multichapter and a one shot that I love.

The One That Got Away - TOS Star Trek

The Update - DBH

Tagging: @dayspring-askanison @heartshapedvows @doonarose

[klayfruit]

ouh.... i had never heard of goblet grotto but i googled it, & the artstyle looks so charming. would love to hear u talk abt it sometime, when u get the chance or feel like it ^_^

THANK U OH MY GOD nows my chance …. idk if u wanted me to explain it in ur dms or anything so im just gonna infodump here!!!

goblet grotto is a game made by thecatamites (who still actively posts games, just mostly under the name garmentdistrict) in 2012. the main Thing abt the game is that you play as a little swamp toad knight (probably) named swampy, who ventures into the grotto for their search for goblets. the game itself though is absolutely giant, branching paths at nearly every corner and the “story” becoming more bizarre as time goes on. goblets become less of a collectable, and more of an item of worship

the moment youre thrown into the game and it begins, there are already several noises screaming into your ears. first thing you notice is the glyphs popping up at the top of the screen, each one appearing accompanied with a Horribly Loud “BWAH”. you take in the side menu, looking at swampy’s little avatar and noticing how one of the options is just “pray”, and seeing how theres a Whole Ass Paragraph describing your surroundings right now. halfway through reading the paragraph, you are killed by wolves. you have eaten 0 meats and collected 0 goblets. the game is absolutely ruthless to the player, sometimes it will just throw an unkillable enemy at you, force you to crawl around slowly without an explanation, completely destroy your save file, etc. theres also just moments where the games like Oop You Fucked Up! like if you pray too many times it completely destroys the side-text into becoming incomprehensible screaming nonsense, along with just randomly spawning pyramids that make a horrible buzzing noise that you cant turn off. also theres an npc where if you interact with them it makes all your side-text start saying weird shit.

how ruthless the game is is what makes it so enjoyable to me, its so just unabashedly itself. youre thrown into this world screaming and bleeding, and you have to figure out how everything works to even manage to survive. the glyphs mentioned earlier are a whole ass language, the translation of each and every single glyph being in the guide book that comes with the game. you need to manage to memorize a good amount of them to realize that they have An Actual Meaning and Mechanic in the game. whenever swampy collapses and starts crawling, its not for no reason, its because theyre hungry/havent collected goblets recently and theyre screaming this at you through the glyphs. also would like to mention that praying too much also leads the glyphs to become more panicked and almost trivial, eventually them turning into symbols that Arent even seen in the guide book and i had to ask thecatamites directly what the glyphs meant.

theres so So much damn story in this game, and at the same time theres little to none. the moment you see something that seems like it could be a reoccurring theme, its instantly thrown out the window. its extremely rare for something to be consistent through a small section of the game, nevertheless the whole ass game. the only example i can think of is the game’s depiction of god, who speaks in funny little typing quirks and says shit like “UP AND ATEMCOWBOY!!!!!! WORLD IS HYOU OYSTER ;^)”. its heavily implied that, once you pray too much and the side text becomes all fucked up, its god speaking to you in their fucked up little way of speaking, screaming at you to keep on moving and collect goblets and have horrible dreams and Replace all files in your computer with a list of Swears (direct quote from god). there are also altars in several areas through the game, purple hooded people surrounding each altar. if you pray at it, god just straight up appears and gives you goblets. what’s special though about the inconsistency is that, at the very “end” of the game, seemingly all the vaguely important characters that you only see once in the whole game appear once again. it just like makes it special and really sends it home. god, along with the purple hooded people appear in this area, i just thought that was fun.

also want to mention the sound design and music is so unique and honestly fantastic. i am specifically talking about the glyph’s “BWAH”s, and also how everytime you collect meat, swing your axe, and collect goblets, you hear a man say in your ear “MEAT.” “KILL.” “GOBLETS.” aside from the sfx though the music is genuinely so fucking good im not even joking. its got such an amazing vibe to it, my personal favorite is world end because of how melancholic it feels compared to every other song in the ost

theres honestly so much i could say about this game, but i have autism and cant properly put my thoughts into words, so all i can say is just Pleaaaaase check out goblet grotto, even just for a moment. the gameplay sucks complete ass if youre not familiar with it, but the newest vers of the game DOES have an immortal mode (press L at the start screen and it brings you to Secrets Menu). if you dont wanna play it i recommend vinny’s small vid of him playing it, it gets the main thing abt it across pretty well! ALSO i made a whole ass website of me just talking about everything i know about goblet grotto, its like a sort of guide for the game as theres no other good guides of it online due to how obscure the game is.

anyway thank you so much for listening to me. autism be damned i can write essays about mediocre game

[dateamonster]

what’s your opinion on monstrous transformations (both fast and slow), and also more controversially what do you think about having monsters/nonhuman characters serve as minority allegory (as opposed to society’s hate for them being being an allegory)

ohhh hold on this is a rly good question i think abt a Lot actually.

ok getting the first bit out of the way, love a good monstrous transformation. fast, slow, its all good. i personally like gradual slow shifts the most but its a situational thing. transformation is one of those things that like just always has to be symbolic. even more than the degree to which Everything is symbolic ya know. so like context rly matters when it comes to how to invoke it most effectively.

MOVING ON

i think from the phrasing of the ask ur looking for something more along the lines of like. for example shapeshifters as representation of nonbinary people or aliens as representation of different cultures rather than like monsters vs humans as allegory for racism. but im also not sure you can meaningfully separate the two! the latter i think is more overused so it like registers more as an immediate red flag, but its like. if the aliens from avatar werent being violently invaded by humans it wouldnt make like their reskinned stereotypical indigeneity anymore tolerable i dont think.

which isnt to say i think every story that draws connections between fantastical fictional species and real world people are inherently bad. i dont really think theres any trope that i believe cant be handled well by anyone under any circumstance. the super easy fix to bad rep via monster or fantasy creature characters is basically just have actual humans who also represent those same identities and communities and experiences so that the audience isnt drawn to connect the traits of any one group with your fictional species.

the harder fix is to like seriously analyze why you want this character to be a monster and what that says about them and what that says about you and your own experiences and biases and what you actually want to communicate with the inclusion of this character. and when applicable hire a sensitivity reader. its kinda crazy how many pieces of media seem to prefer half-assing the hard way over just doing the easy thing and not assigning the status of token minority to a literal monster.

of course once again all of this is ya know circumstantial. im speaking to like my own experiences and the things ive observed. and its weird too! bc im also speaking as someone who like is trans and nonbinary and thinks of myself and my gender expression as inherently intertwined with monstrosity. and as someone who is autistic and thinks of myself as a changeling. and as someone who is a fat person who represents themself with a pig themed sona. if i talk abt cringeass hollywood blockbusters engaging in High Fantasy Racism i feel like to be fair i kinda have to talk about independent own-voices creators who write stories and make art about their own identities in the lovely language of monstrosity. theres not rly a way to draw a hard line around the former without the risk of catching some of the latter.

so umm as usual i dont rly have a snappy all encompassing answer for how i feel abt this kind of characterization. im simply too much of a Nuance Enjoyer. i do i guess think this is something that generally turns out better when it is someone making art about their own experiences, but also unless i believe minority artists are a monolith, which i dont, i need to accept that artists will inevitably make stuff that is beautiful and resonant to some people and totally repugnant and offensive to others, and that both of those responses can be like totally justified and correct. thats art babey!

anyway slight digression but i think any case where a character feels more like an allegory than a fully fleshed u know Character is gonna flop for me no matter how relatable it is. tbqh, id rather more ppl try and fail to make beautiful grotesque frightening sensually moving monsters out of their lived experiences and their empathetic connections with others than succeed at creating bland toothless universally approachable Good Rep tm. if u know u know. if u feel me u feel me. that is all.

[dausy]

I have officially lived in El Paso for a year but if anybody asks I've only been here for a few months ok. I gotta still use that "I'm new here" excuse. But here's my thoughts on this city from an outsiders point of view looking in. This is in no way to shame any persons or cultures, it is just me pointing out differences compared to other places I've lived.

So first things first, I have lived in many places in my life and every time I move, the locals ALL say the same things "Nothing ever happens here/its boring here/theres nothing to do here/we have the worst drivers". Everybody self depreciates and never has anything nice to say about where they live.

El Paso has what I consider some major positives to me. Because it does have things to do here. Theres an outdoors community. There are hikers and there are outdoor rock climbers. I suppose somebody out there goes hunting but I don't know anything about that. I'm sure theres somewhere to go kayaking too. But we are in the desert and theres a lot of brown, so its different than outdoors on the east coast.

There is shopping. I really care about "living in suburbia" I want, what I consider, my "luxury" stores. Before I move I google the stores a town/city has because if they can afford to have certain stores then they probably have a level of comfort that I enjoy in my every day life. El Paso does have a huge, living mall. Malls are dead and dying elsewhere, you're lucky to see a bath and body works in some places. El Paso, does have one thats alive. Which is an oddity these days. It doesn't have a food court but it does have the new Abercrombie adult line and an athleta and a lululemon and your boxlunch stores. It has some cool anime and gaming stores. It has a lot of those japanese gotchupon machine things. Like its very nice. On the other side of the mall they have a kpop store. They can afford things like those sushi restaurants with the conveyor belts. They have an outdoor outlet mall with a disney store!!!! (!?!??!), a whole foods (!!!1) and ofcourse other things like top golf and one of those touristy skydiving places. The few things this city is missing is theres no IKEA, no REI, no bass pro shop. But I was honestly just happy to have a homegoods and a super target. The one walmart and super target they have down here are REALLY nice. Thats probably setting the bar low but when you're used to driving an hour+ away to get to these things, its amazing to have them.

Also, I've been a spanish student for many years now and I really wanted to obtain some form of immersion. I could literally walk to Juarez. I can look out my window and see Juarez. There is spanish here. I have learned a TON since moving here.

now some of the odd things that I've noticed: again this is not to attack anybody. Just because I'm not a fan doesn't necessarily mean anything is in the wrong, its just different and culture shock. I think this is the weirdest place I've ever lived in and we lived in Japan and Albuquerque, ok.

Again, the spanish language. Not a jab, I wanted to learn and I'm learning but it takes a special type of person to learn a new language, especially as an adult. America is so huge that in many places you are lucky to hear something other than english every blue moon. People here in El Paso have told me "you don't need spanish to live here" but they do NOT understand that the amount of spanish spoken here is so foreign that it feels like you're in a different country. The last time my brain felt this overwhelmed with another language was when we were traveling through Italy. The return plane trip back, when I heard an American accent for the first time, I literally felt like my brain melted in a sigh of relief. Thats how I feel here. You step outside and everything is in spanish. At walmart the signs are in spanish and the overhead announcements are in spanish (in english too, but in Powell Tennessee you are not going to see or hear anything in spanish) it is so blatantly in a different language. I can go an entire day at work and every single one of my patients speak spanish only. Even though I really wanted to learn and I want to say I'm conversationally fluent, it is so far outside my comfort zone, my brain wants to run back to east coast, so it can relax in english.

The other thing is, I have heard that El Pasoans are extremely friendly and they will welcome you into their houses and treat you like family and feed you food. Which is probably true and I have had coworkers feed me but the general population, outdoors, in public settings do not show friendliness the same. Again, I don't mean this negative, I don't mean that the population is a mean population, its just different.

When I first moved to Tennessee, we were looking for a house and we would get creeped out so bad by people. We would be driving through neighborhoods and everybody outside, whether they were walking their dogs or playing with their kids, they will stop to wave at you and smile like robots. If you are standing in line at the grocery store, the person behind you will start up a conversation with you about anything. They'll ask you how your day was and what you plan on doing later. Its a very overly creepy nice and it took a long time to get used to. They do similar in Georgia and Alabama. I could be an axe murderer and everybody smiles and waves at you. Its creepy.

somehow, I kinda miss it. Here in El Paso, you could be walking through a store, nobody is going to look you in the face, nobody is going to apologize for being in the way/moving out of the way/if they need to squeeze by. They wont shoulder check you, but they're not going to make room for you and they are not moving out of the way. Its the same thing when crossing the street in a parking lot. They're not going to look both ways before crossing the street. They're not going to apologize for walking out in front of a car. If I'm the pedestrian, a car is not going to stop for me. I have never heard one "I'm sorry/excuse me" since being here. Again in the southern east coast you tended to get caught in "no you first" arguments. Whether you're at a 4way stop or trying to cross the street. I could be walking my dog and I may try and wave a car on because it would be faster for the car to go first buts its a guarantee "sign language" fight of "no you go first" before I have to awkwardly sprint across the street because they insisted I go first. They don't do that in El Paso. It is very much everybody is in a personal bubble, they don't want to talk to you or acknowledge you and theres no self depreciating "Im sorry for existing, pardon me as I squeeze through here" like there is where I came from.

and the drivers too. So I would actually argue people drive vaguely slow here. I don't see many people driving faster than 65 other than the odd sports car. Everybody drives pretty slow but they are a literal almost 1million person population so there are A LOT of cars on the road in certain areas. The people here do not want ANYBODY in their lane. They do not want you to go any direction but straight. I may put my blinker on a couple exits in advance to let people behind me know I plan on getting over and that is the ONE time they will decide to speed up to prevent me doing so. I don't understand why. People will speed up to keep you from getting over and they may not even need in that lane. They'll keep you from getting over only for them to then need to keep left. Like, why? I hate driving just because of this. I got rearended twice when living in Savannah and I almost prefer their method of just speeding while playing on the cellphone more. I guess because obviously these people are paying attention while driving and their thought it obviously "OMG NO, YOU CANT GET HERE, SPEED UP" its such a jerk thing to do. I don't understand it.

which reminds me of other bizarre car behavior. It hailed here some odd weeks ago. And on the east coast, people will just leroy jenkins it and keep driving. Some people (like motorcycles) will get off the road, but if its a tornado or hurricane you just drive through it blind. For fun. Here, this is the first time I've ever seen this. Everybody squeezed their car to try and fit under the overpasses on the interstate. It was a 3 lane road and it wasn't just like a couple cars off the side of the road under the overpass, it was a good 20 cars smooshing at awkard angles to fit under this overpass and blocking all interstate traffic until the rain stopped. I kinda like zigzagged and squeezed my car through to get past the stopped cars. NEVER seen that EVER. So WEIRD.

but otherwise, the other thing El Paso has going for it is I've actually managed to find a coffee shop I like more than Starbucks. I've been to many a home-town coffee shop that just tastes like dirtwater. I feel like surpassing starbucks taste shouldn't be that hard. But I found one here. Best iced coffee and el-paso-mex cafe food.

but I'm ready to leave here for sure. Do not want to be here for another 6 months.

[arsen1cs4ng0]

shout out to the chip fandom for being legit TRAUMATIZING. not even saying that as a joke or exaggeration!!! i know/know of so many good people who got their mental health totally RUINED by the awful people there. im one of them!!! its SOO much more horrible than a lot of people realize or even want to talk/think about. so many are literally scared to speak of the effect it had on them because theyre scared itll happen all over again + because it was literally just That Fucking Bad. even im not coming off anon for this. fuck that!!!

from my perspective… theres genuinely like no good people left because they all got chased off + traumatized in the process. i honestly think even the writers themselves got chased off by the toxicity. the hiatuses + *the ending in particular* just line up WAY TOO WELL with awful shit happening for that to not be the case… :/

and it sucks too because it was such a good and diverse story! it was really finally getting interesting!!! some of the plot lines before it all just stopped were legit gut wrenching (/pos!!!) + incredible to watch! the way it humanized the characters was so!!!!!! GOOD!!!!! but it’s all gone now because some people are just total fucking toxic freaks and heckled + harassed literally everyone out of the community no matter how hard it tried to keep stable…. its so depressing. it was fun while it lasted but i never want to go back + it will literally never be the same as it was a couple years ago. and at this point i think that’s a good thing

sorry for the random suuuuper long anon. i know youre a smaller account and probably dont want to talk about this kind of thing. its just been on my mind and youre one of the few people ive seen be openly critical of it all. hope u have a nice day + this finds you well at least!! :)

[ this turns into a rant in the end but its gotta be said lol ]

hi anon, thanks for the ask !! i pretty much have no choice to be open about this all because no-one else ( apart from like. 2 people ) will, i would say much more if it wasnt for my awfully limited vocabulary LOL ( and unless you wanna see a 16 year old cursing and throwing every insult in the english language at the people who hurt / manipulated my friends, well um !!! )

it just hurts seeing the fandom get worse and worse, one of my friends was literally almost driven to suicide because of the toxicity and abuse from the modern fandom, my confidence was snatched away after shit that happened in june - everything has just been SHIT !!!!

ive been actively trying to disassociate from the fandom entirely but its been extremely hard ( especially with my hyperfix on who i call ''little guy the 2st'' - the most i can do is wait for the hyperfix to pass at this point ), everytime i check in i know its just gonna be the same now: people who pretend nothing happened and attempt to cover up everything that happened before they ''''apologized'''' ( and i thought they were gonna keep the bad shit they did up for accountability !! what happened to that ????? ), people who will desparately manipulate unsuspecting people just so their wittle friend can look like the ''uwu sweet bean x3 owo angel who was definitely never ever ever transphobic in their life !!'' - you get the fucking picture at this point LOL

everything has fucking demotivated me and i wish i could fucking scream at Those people, but whats the point of doing so if they're just not gonna pull their heads out of their asses and just admit what they did instead of being like ''WAAAAAH YOURE SUCH A MEAN MEAN PERSON I DIDNT DO THAT AT ALL STOP SPREADING LIES, N-NO !!!!! ;_____;'' ?? i dont care if i get attacked by those people anymore because its only gonna prove my point on how fucking toxic they are i feel so bad for unsuspecting people who dont know how bad the fandom really is and what they'll end up diving into like i did, like my ex-friend did too

again, thanks for the ask anon and im so so so sorry you had to witness this all :[

[himbos-hotline]

Top 5 albums that you think changed your life forever (my favorite question to ask everyone)

I can tell that these are gonna be very sappy and very sentimental and I am gonna feel so many emotions about it.

1 The sound of music.

It was the first musical my nan took me too when I was four years old. I cried so hard that I nearly threw up and some random stranger brought me an ice cream. I remember skipping home singing do rai me. Its what got me into musicals, which then lead to me getting into singing and acting and that now is what I wanna do in life. I met wonderful friends because of musicals and I don't think I would be the person I am today if my nan didnt take to see it. The theatre she took me too is still around and I really should go to get tickets to see something.

2 Handwritten [delux version]

My big sibling sent me one of the songs [handwritten] when I think I was sixteen and honestly at the worse point in my life. I adored the song and the band and now its in every playlist I make. I refuse to skip the song whenever it plays. My big sibling has supported me through fandoms, gender crisis, nights where everything feels wrong, panic attacks. They were on the phone after my first doctors appointment coming out as trans, were on the phone when I tried on my binder for the first time. Every important moment in my life they've been there. I honestly wouldnt be here if they didnt exist. I would not be writing, I would not be making characters or drawing or doing anything I find love in. I wouldnt feel so comfident in myself.

@itsnoosetome I know we don't do emotions because ew gross, bad icky. But I honestly just wanna say thank you for being so supportive to me. I love you so much, you've helped shape me into the boy I am and im not scared of things to come because I know that you will always be there. I am so thankful that we met and I am so fucking happy that we're friends, im happy that were still writing together and you listen to my writing. I am so happy to call you my big sibling and I love you so much. You're such a good person and I just love you a lot.

*poke* there no more emotions heh.

3. The black parade

I was once an angry 14 year old who used loud music to block out the voices in my head [Look, DiD is a weird fucking thing] It would block out the shitty thoughts and sometimes I still lsiten through the songs and theyre nice to yell in the park or when im home alone and need to scream my emotions away. I think a lot of MCR's like lyrics and the way they write them leads itself to my flowery language I gues. I dont know I just feel like if I didnt fuck my ears forever I wouldnt be here writing stupid flowery sentences and using abstract concepts that I hope make sense.

4. Anything julie andrews

My great grandma had dementia and used to listen to her songs over and over again. I remember sitting with her about a week or two before she died singing along ot somewhere over the rainbow. The memory still hurts because I don't think she knew who I was. Sometimes I wish that I spent more time with her or at least remembered their voices. I miss her and my great grandpa and my uncle. Theres a lot of good painful memorys when I listen to her voice. My great grandma taught me to love the little parts of music and in this, is what also spurred me on to sing.

5. Anything from the simpsons and/or queen

My great uncle and I used to watch the simpsons together whenever my nan and I would visit. I remeber sitting surrounded by cats watching who shot mister burns. I still sit and listen to homers barbershop quartet and remember singing along at aged nine.

Queen is my grandpas favourite band. I grew up listening to their music and it shaped my music taste today. I remember being a little kid and telling my nan I wanted to be Freddy Mercury. I grew up listening to music and its such an important part of who I am both as a person and as a system.

______

WC: 2,128 words FIC: unnamed fic This ask motivated me to write 685 new words

[thepowerisyouth]

EDIT-AS-I-GO-ALONG-JUSTIFY-ALL-MY-ACTIONS-POst

First started February 10th, 2024 in the middle of the night of course. Although I am 22 years old so I should really be saying-- "it all began 22 years ago when I was born"

Sometimes I write rants that are way too long, and I dont feel like editing or deleting it in full, I'm just going to call this what it is:

A very long diary entry I can come back to later. Its got some good stuff I wont lie to myself. But its also probably incomprehensible at times so ignore it as anything but a very rough rant for now

I also plan to invite new-to-the-site people to read my blog (no doubt being exposed to the horrors within my own blog and past). I'm talking bout people who have probably never typed in the letter T, U, M, B, L, R in a row ever once, and boy howdy are they in for the time of their fucking life

For anyone who is reading this right now, and is worried that they might find something truly scarring to their good christian sensibilities on this site, then I heavily recommend using tags, and content filters before delving further down in the dnd dungeon of my blog, or especially the higher level dungeons on the rest of the site for the first time, where the algorithm will absolutely assume you are ready for the same things the rest of the demographic here wants to see.

(Its a lotta porn. Okay? I'm talking about different unique genres of drawn, or whatever medium of porn mainly. Thats scary to a new person)

So grandma-- buckle up. Jesus take the wheel. Have faith in me & humanity. Its going to be a ride to get there but I truly believe you are capable of it

The whole philosophy I'm preaching is about expanding horizons in a respectful way, so please do so.

With that in mind, in order to prepare any newbies to this site in an engaging and fun way, I had to poke fun in what might be taken in a bad way at the site. I dont mean that. I love this site. I liken my words of preparation to what you might say before bringing your transphobic family into your home full of very queer friends

If you really wanna get mad at me, please do, I love hearing dissenting opinions.-- "Life is full of contractions" as they say.-- But please do so in truly, humanizing, empathically good faith. On every. Single. Post you see. Not just mine of course. Theres a lot more to be said on methodology of public discourse that is a huge part of my philosophy so this post really delves into this

Last thing for now before this post gets even more nitty-gritty:

This is really important, but only for any person who at any point doesn't understand something I'm talking about, and is discouraged by that fact to continue reading up on this philosophy. Don't let that discourage you. I made a perfect science ACT score way back when, and it was all thanks to (and literally nothing else) the simple, but persistent learning skill which is: ignore everything you dont know for now. If you start to notice it happens more than once on something you don't deem irrelevant, than ask questions, but often times people get bogged down by big words, but really do get the gist of an argument. And thats more than enough understanding for a first read. Learning takes many attempts. People learn different materials at different rates and thats a fact

Disclaimer 1: I think the other things counted as number ones but I'm starting here with the numbering

Disclaimer 2: I'm wrong. A lot. I talk with varying degrees of confidence because all language capable humans in existence do that, but literally quantum mechanics--the core principles of our universe as we understand them today-- teaches us that everything acts with a bit of a standard error. Theres no coincidence in the universe why statistics is a field of study.

My standard error is +/-50% on being 50% correct. My point is dont @ me for using an incorrect degree of confidence, because as a trained financial analyst I can attest they are all fucking wrong all the time just like me. However, none of them are wrong about most of the things they say, they simply draw the wrong conclusions most of the time

However, if you believe that the ideals which I, and others like me, are preaching are true than you should in good-faith contribute to making this philosophy more refined, not just be a toxic asshole on the internet. I think most sensible people are past that by now, come on.

I think the last thing I can think to say on this specific point about being wrong (there will always be more to say later), is that a lot of us are inclined, in this world, to only trust things when we've really tested & read into every possible source. And that's for every right reason in the world. But there is no denying that there is gate keeping to science. Huge barriers to entry. Exponentially balooning costs to scientific study. Not to mention just like.. paywalls on every site nowadays. Everyone.

I believe that in this year-of-our-lord-mr-krabs 2024 we need to turn back to philosophy to understand all of our problems, more specifically all of our greviences with capitalism. With the important caveat that we do, in fact, have probably thousands or millions or billions more questions answered than our favorite old philosophers. Fuck yes thats exciting! Because that only makes philosophy today work even better. I think it will help us answer trillions more

Disclaimer 3: I also justify myself. A lot. I'm doing it right now. And now. Every word.

This is an edit at the top after reading over disclaimer 3 once: I think I'm defining justification the same way a scientist thinks of evidence. Also context. It really is just all the same thing. I just needed to add that because I wasnt clear about my definition below

I think as time goes on, people will probably justify themselves more, and more, and more, but while also finding ways to better communicate those justifications in a quicker, more efficient way. Like how encryption and decryption science is a super cool and fast growing study. Kinda cool and star trek if you really think about it far enough

The reason I justify justifying myself is that we have, in fact, learned to encrypt and decrypt many things through our own brains and language. If I say a word that someone else knows, than I save time by not having to jump into every possible nook-and-cranny of explaination. This bit of framing about language being an efficiency/encryption/decryption thing will come back a lot in my writings

I read that over, and told myself: "okay bennet I think you lost the point there" so I need to circle back and say that when we speak we are trying--- desperately -- to find a way to decrypt the crazy encryption that is our thoughts. And because trial and error is effective, we often just jump to saying a bunch of things that have worked in the past, in the hope that the listener will respond with the rewarding joy of 2 people in understanding. A puzzle solved, if you will.

For example, if you engage with my post and I perceive that engagement to be positive, than I will probably, uncontrollabley get a rush of dopamine that cocaine only wishes it could give. You know this is true, because you've felt it too

Disclaimer 3a - mistakes are really cool. I finally know why the Japanese have that thing where they highlight mistakes in a piece. Its about making. It. Memorable. I have a great story example on a post here, but I think most people can agree with my position that its easier to remember when you are wrong-- than right.

What that means-- this is super duper uber wuper sluper important. Things that are memorable are part of the decryption key to language. There is a way that we are all figuring out how to communicate where we utilize what some percieve as mistakes to draw in attention, then listener either remembers the key or has to find it, then both move forward, happy having solved the issue of decrypting a bunch of literally just electricity and sound waves coming from a very real human in front of you. How cool is it that we can apply the framework of humans as puzzle solvers to better communicate our crazy thoughts?

To wrap that up-- this doesnt include all forms of language, of course. But I think its a humanist framework for understanding how we can be more effective communicators.

I read over that whole 3a thing and I already had plenty of questions and dissents for myself. Going to just add for now that if we extend our definition of the word mistake, to include ANYTHING that catches the attention more than expected, than yes, this framework makes more sense.

The next time I read that over I thought I could add that people are drawn by knowledge. Something which isnt new to us just isnt interesting. We know this already, but I'm connecting it to this point.

3b - the fact that I bring up humanist arguments for encouraging memory promoting activities brings to mind that it IS HEALTHY FOR US AND HELPS US AVOID NEURODEGENERATIVE DISORDERS

Disclaimer 4: Like most people on this site, most people who arent depressed (I call tired depressed I was told I'm bipolar its what I do), and honestly all leaders, influencers, artists, actors, scientists, innovators, most entrepreneurs---- yatta yatta yatta everyone okay. Bascially, arguments sake, I mean every human being on the planet. I am capable of great, sometimes too great, emotion. If I wasnt Id be dead. If that emotion seems overwhelming, or too much, then please just take a break, or take a step back and try and reframe everything I'm saying as a deperate plea for help from a very young (I was born in 2001), very hungry, person. More on this later

Disclaimer 5: I'm ex mormon. I come from Texas. I use a LOT of religious sounding talk. There is good reason for that and there's good reason I'm giving this it's own disclaimer. Theology & philosophy go hand-in-hand and theres a quadrillion combinations of words I could barf up from the deepest pits of my mind to discuss.

In the interest of keeping the top of this disclaimer an actual one I'm going to stop for now by saying I think I'm correct in using this language so liberally, for now, because it really does work as a way to connect with people who are used to hearing that language. Most #religiouslytraumatized people I know do the same, and Ive yet to find a good reason to stop. But if someone does get triggered from my religious verbiage at all, please let me know. I'm sure theres a way we can work it out that will make both of us feel better. Probably would just be me watching my damn satanist mouth or something

[tears-of-boredom]

played badminton for an hour.

and I was gonna say that i did it with only 6 hours of sleep, but thats actually not that bad. i have this thing where everything from 6am to like 10.30am is just "morning", and I forget that theres like. there's hours in there. theres time. nd because of that I thought that waking up at 10am when i went to sleep at like 4am was bad. but it genuinely is not. like holy shit. i just need to set an alarm for earlier in the day, and ill have so many more hours in the day and get enough sleep.

anyways yeah so i really need to take a shower cuz I always go way too hard for badminton honestly. but im tireddd im just an uwu baby and so so tired:(.

also "badminton" is such an awkward word. sounds way more fancy than what the sport actually is. we just call it sulkapallo or "featherball". Or actually i just shorten it to sulkkis. what would be the translation of that. just feather? tbh not many sports in english have shorter names. like do you seriously need to say "baseball" every time?

honestly i love the way finnish sports have such similar slang names. jäkis, futis, koris, pesis, sulkkis. something about ending a word in "is". and then theres tennis, which doesnt need to be shorter, and floorball or salibandy/ "säbä". God I love finnish. you can just make up a shorter name for something on the spot and still be understood.

ostoskeskus on ostari. nuorisotalo on nuokkari. kouluterveydenhoitaja is just terkkari. rehtori on reksi. opettaja ope. kahdeksikko on kasi. viisitoista and viistoist. if I want to be kind of over casual and blunt, instead of "en" i just say "e". though i never do that with "ei". I shorten kyllä to kyl, but only when i say "en kyllä". and its kinda silly that the informal word for kyllä is joo. svärje really just categorically casual. hold on how do you actually write it. was it sverige? yeah i think so. also its silly how different country names can be across languages. like I can still understand ranska and france, maybe, and sure usa and yhdysvallat, but like where does ruotsi ja venäjä come from? or viro for that matter.

and i used to say "mä" all the time, but recently ive been saying "mie" just because its more fun to say.

also funny thing, Brazil and Brasilia are already kind of confusing, but then finnish goes and calls them Brasilia and Brasilia. and its quite intriguing how some names, while written similarly to others, are pronounced completely differently. like georgia. amd then there's ones that are written differently but pronounced the same.

language is beautiful and weird. i love how stupid written finnish is because it was completely made up just to have some way to write it. yeah sure, sijamuodot work like this, who cares

[cosmosisfold]

my favourite things ab hermits speaking voices (just the ones i watch regularly):

doc: "duuuude" sometimes the random evil laughs he does. the rly surprised "whaaaat!" when something unexpected happens. this dudes genuine laughs are always so fun too, love them. good shit. very nice chill talking voice, soft but not gentle, yknow?

keralis: high pitched "mhmhm!!" giggle. sometimes starts a sentence and takes 3 different turns and then does a 360 before parallel parking his meaning. when other people talks he starts speaking before interrupting himself a few times. most recently stuck out to be in the kings finale at the end when all the diamonds were stolen and he was like "ren? ren? re- r. r- ren?" cause everyone was talking.

xb: heyyy guys welcom baek to hurmitcraf seasun nain! i may just be canadian but this guys accent is fascinating to me. "shoo [so]". and the GIGGLES MANNN. hes so calming to lsiten to but every word he says is so engaging? its like im on a call with him and im muted.

bdubs: every word this man says comes from a deep well inside his brain in which there is a sentient rat calculating every word he says. theres comedic mastery in everything he does. also "yes wonderful job."

scar: hellooooo my fello miners and crafters. when hes doing something whimsical and makes his words all airy and floaty. when he says his outro at 6x speed so you can't understand a word he says. "what in the world!" [a lot of people say that but Him specifically].

ren: he has so many voices. what does he need all this linguistics for. also his intro makes me want to get up and scream it from the rooftops. "now we're cooking with gas baby!". he has such a bouncy way of speaking paired with fun in-game body language, you can tell he loves what he does.

grian: hes so british

honorable mentions of ones i watch only sometimes:

xisuma: if his face was leaked i dont think i would be able to put his face to it. sorry hes just pixels. i expect this guy to tell me about his candle making business that he made after his wife and him slowly grew apart, and then he'd confess to having a secret gay lover and cry while eating plain crackers.

cub: he is so casual and chill in his words its amazing. literally unshakable. you could show him nuclear bomb codes and he'd go "woaa that's pretty intense haha." i do like when he goes "lets gooo"

[ganondoodle]

okay, more thoughts- not really about the first point but the latter-

im pretty sure she lands somwhere on the great plateau, given that you see little but normal standard trees and the scene after that is her standing on the edge of botws opening (lets ignore that i hate how 1 to 1 the same the past is despite it being over 10 THOUSAND years, like at least idk make the model of the tres bigger so it looks actually different- i know this is fantasy mc fantasyland but do you know how different our world was that long ago?? ), i dont think it would make sense to get her all the way up there unless she already was in roughly in the same place-

anyway, my point is also that if you look at it twice its yet another plot convenience for the sake of convenience (again why not have a construct or another hylian find her and lead her to the others .. wouldnt that make more sense? and neither have to talk either- wouldnt that make the past at least a tiny bit more like theres other people but the royal pair and ganondorf + background no name no face sages bc rly do they count at all) AND ... huge missed opportunity to at least make it funny/more interesting by having her land in the middle of their tea table or something so its literally like she was dropped in their lap, funny, and also serve as a better connection bc rauru always has his enigma stone on him so why wouldnt his stone from the future bring her to it in the past huh?

also something in mentioned before but had more thought tm, i dont like how there isnt even a slight hint of a language barrier, like you are telling me that the hylian language stayed perfectly the same over a time period of over TEN THOUSAND YEARS?? MUCH longer even since 10k was just the og calamity and totks past is way before that (if we keep wanting to lie to ourselves that they are connected bc it really isnt) and especially the sonau too, they came from the sky not too long before so how come they just speak that perfectly- but i can accept that, it would be hard to do with voice acting (which is still think they shouldnt do ... i like it without so much more and its quality is laughably bad in some cases), i get that ok BUT THEN you got the sonau research people that have to translate everything on ruins so ... its NOT the same? or is the spoken just somehow the same as modern hyrule but the written stuff isnt? (i can excuse it in botw with the monks more bc they got future vision and also beam their words into your head so they get a pass in my book lol--- also not having voice acting would have instantly solved that bc ... they dont have to say it)

-it feels like a similar disconnect to how every botw relevant shiekah stuff got snapped out of existence and no one gives a shit but then other stuff is just still there .. somehow and i dont think the words shiekah tech are used a single time in the game-

having something like communication problems or some part of hyrule that is just wildly different (again, like giant trees, we got those big stumps all over modern hyrule .. so why not use that to make it seem ancient ;O; a different SEASON?? no?? or make the color of the grass different, ANYTHING, the tiktok-esque glow filter is the lamest way to attempt that) even if it requires little change in itself (scale up model, change hue BAM done) would have done so much to actually make it feel like theres literally any time that passed between zeldas memories and the present bc it doesnt, and it doesnt help that sonia and rauru (AFTER HE ALREADY DID EPIC SAD UWU TURN TO DUST SCENE NO I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THAT) just .. come back to undo zeldas only action in the game, like at least let them stay dead/in the past so theres ANY disconnect

this game would make me so much less mad if it wasnt constnatly contradicting itself, if there wasnt anything good at all ok then i can forget it happend alot better but no theres stuff to work with and so many, hugely, missed opportunities and sometiems the dumbest choice taken out of a hundred and it wont let me rest so when i have thoughts tm i gotta spill them out before it starts to mold my brain

(been rewatching some of those totk critique vids i liked in the past and now seeing the cutscenes again, espeically when compared to botws, ......... the way the characters move and everything is so stiff?? like i didnt rly notice it when i played the game bc i watched each scene once and never looked back bc i was so bored but now i see just ... like sometimes it feels like all thats missing is the mouse someones using to slightly move the model on its rig in real time- or the way the characters talk feeling alot more like the classical mouth open mouth closed bwabwabwa- especially on rauru and mineru

i dont wanna sound like im literally trying to find something wrong with everything of that game but ... it looks so static- like the way the champions in botw moved while talking already gave you a bit of extra character but in totk they all just kinda .. do the basic movement and move their jaw enough to imply talking?? am i crazy?? like its not that extreme in every single moment but for most of them ... right?)

-not really the point in itself but also bc i just saw the first cutscene you get after zelda gets to da paaaast again ... how the hell do sonia and rauru even find zelda.. like, its possible she was lying on the ground for a while but even then, hyrule is so BIG what are the chances that the king and queen just where there exactly, its not like she was carried by a giant bird and dropped into a tree (ww), she just kind materializes and gently plops into long grass. like its not even a cosntruct that finds her, or some hylian, no its them specifically (couldnt you have used the lil heehoo look how rich in personality da king is actually bc he sneaks out to hunt sometime info for that? .. he was out on a hunt and found her or sth? no? another case of plot shortcuts or whatever you want to call it?)-