#there's a fair lot of games that I literally cannot play because my computer's way too weak for them

[girlyliondragon]

It's probably definitely a big risk to go sneaking tools to eventually fuck with the innards of my laptop instead of getting a new one but I'm tired of the measly 4gb ram I'm restricted to and I've seen non-techies do it with theirs so if all goes well I'll be fine.

If not, well I'll need to get yet another laptop to replace a broken one.

[livingouttheworsttimeline]

Why am I so tired all the time?

4:30 am: youngest child wakes up after wetting the bed. change child, change bedsheets, replace drinks, turn night time music back on, convince youngest child that it is in fact still night time. Climb back into bed a 4:55.

5:00 am: eldest child comes to tell me that youngest child wants to play. I am aware, because I have heard her loudly declaring such since I left their room. Tell oldest child to go back to bed. Pray that, somehow, for the very first time, they will put themselves back to sleep. 

5:05 am: give up on hopeless prayers. Get up and take both children to the living room. Change the youngest into underwear. Log into tablets and override the “do not turn on until 6 am” setting. Wait for coffee to finish brewing.

5:23 am: extract self from underneath 2 children and a dog to pour first cup of coffee. It’s half caff, because spouse has a heart condition. Remind self that I can have several cups with impunity.

5:45 am: Eldest child is unhappy with the pre-made breakfast provided for him the night before. When asked what he would like to eat, he responds, “bacon, chinese food, or pizza.” Explain, again, that we need a variety of foods for our bodies to grow strong. Spend 15 minutes convincing him to eat $5 worth of blackberries as a compromise.

6:12 am: Finish 2nd cup of coffee, realize that eldest child’s night time pull up is overflowing with poop. Usher him to the bathroom for a bath. Feel humbled when I realize that I spent 10 years in grad school, and yet I am still reduced to wiping shit off another person. Calmly remind eldest child that he is capable of using the potty, and that I have confidence in him. 

6:30 am: Spouse awakes, complains that he slept poorly. Roll eyes and go back to drinking 3rd cup of coffee, in between being elbowed in the stomach and explaining that no, I do not know how to work the video game you just downloaded 15 seconds ago. Remind self that I am their physical and mental safe place, which is worth the literal bruises and mental stress. 

6:45 am: extract self from pile of children and dog by physically lifting each dependent off my lap. Verify that spouse is up for supervision duties, collect running clothes, and start treadmill.

6:47 am: stop treadmill because youngest child has entered the room and decided that I will not run today because it’s not fair. Remind self that arguing fairness with a 3 year old is the definition of futility. Gently remind her that I love her, she is a big girl, and she can play independently while I run. 

6:49 am: start treadmill again. Nagging calf pain seems to be back. Scale back workout, remind self that value of the run is not the distance. Do extra core workout to compensate.

7:30 am: shower. Mediate 2 sibling fights from shower. Fortunately, children are camped out in the bathroom with me, so I don’t have to leave a trail of water through the house to interact.

7:35 am: Marvel at the thought that spouse takes a 45 min shower. EVERY DAY. Note gratitude that I am working from home, and no longer have to style hair and makeup. 

7:36 am: Refill kid drink cups for the 3rd time today. Spend 30 minutes convincing, cajoling, and bribing kids to put on clean underwear. We no longer try for clothes. 

8:06 am: turn on work computer. Respond to a weekend full of emails. Handle 5 pressing tasks for side hustle, reasoning that if I get them out of the way, I can push the rest of that to do list to after working hours.

8:45 am: Answer persistent pounding on locked office door. refill drinks and provide snack. Reassure youngest child that mommy is still here, but she needs to work. 

9:03 am: debate whether going to the bathroom is worth leaving the office and the begging that ensues. Make wrong choice either way. 

9:15 am: morning meetings get shuffled later, because childless coworkers “are running late this morning.” Marvel at the concept of 9:15 am being early.

9:30 am: solid wall of meetings until noon. Update team on status at end of last week, despite not remembering what you just ate for breakfast. Realize that you haven’t eaten breakfast. Run training and introduction for new team member. You are the only woman on the team,  so you get do the training because “you’re so good at explaining things.” 

12:00 pm: Call youngest child’s preschool, make sure you can bring by her supplies and still adhere to Covid protocols. Preschool is also side hustle, so cram a parent and employee meeting into a single hour. Explain that new registration system will, in fact, be more efficient than old paper system. Remind preschool staff that we committed to going paperless. Make small talk with preschool teachers until the hour is up. Hop in the car and speed home.

1:00 pm: children adhere to my side the second I walk in the door. Spouse is in the shower. Children have eaten approximately 3 bites of their pb&j sandwiches, and demand different lunch. Remember that you have not eaten lunch yet. Refill drinks for 4th time, provide reasonable lunch alternatives. 

1:25 pm: Remember that you scheduled a meeting for 1:30, and. you need to be present. Calculate that extraction from children is not possible in 5 minutes, and take meeting with youngest child on lap. Despite having weaned 1.5 years ago, youngest child decides that you’re still nursing, and pulls down top on video call. Spend most of call switching on and off mute. Catch every 3rd word. 

1:45 pm: apologize to team, promise to reschedule a follow up with more focus. Hang up, extract youngest child’s arm from shirt. Refill drinks for the 5th time. Bribe children to get in bed for a nap with the promise of a visit to nana and pop this afternoon. 

1:48 pm: children’s beds have been stripped, due to accidents last night, but spouse “doesn’t know where the clean sheets are”, and so hasn’t remade beds. Children petition to nap on the floor. Explain floor is not comfortable. Find clean sheets, make 2 beds, take everyone to the potty, tuck both children in. 

2:20 pm: Realize that you have 40 minutes of actual work time left today, outside of meetings. Try to prioritize, with the knowledge that whatever you get done will not be enough. Deny request for drink refill.

3:00 pm: kick off afternoon meeting block. Try frantically to make the 40 minutes that you did get to work sound like a whole lot more. Wake children up during bathroom break so that they’ll be able to sleep tonight. Refill drinks for 5th time. 

3:45 pm: Curse the fact that youngest child has inherited your distaste for waking up. Gently coax her awake in between meetings.

4:00 pm: Wrap up last task from meetings, make list of all new tasks. Realize that today you have checked off one task, and received 7 new ones. Promise self that you’ll get your work laptop back out after the kids are in bed. Ignore the sense of despair that threatens to overtake you.

4:20 pm: Bribe children into putting on clothes with promise of fruit snacks at grandparent’s house. Feel mildly guilty as you put on your second round of workout gear. Load children in double jogging stroller, jog to grandparent’s house. 

5:00 pm: collect children to head home for dinner. 

5:10 pm: threaten no more fruit snacks if children don’t put on their shoes. Grandparents go get them more fruit snacks. 

5:23 pm: explain that the sun is going down in 24 minutes, and that we have to leave now to get home before it gets dark. Remember that time is immaterial. Wish for that blissful sense of ignorance.

5:37 pm: push 100 lbs of toddler and stroller up giant, hilly driveway. Spouse greets us with “what’s for dinner?” Politely remind him that he promised to plan and make dinner while we were gone. Grit teeth at his “I didn’t know what to make” response. Quickly run through available, easy, acceptable options and make dinner.

6:15 pm: serve dinner. Eat own dinner in 2.5 minutes, then spend rest of meal refilling drinks and plates, heating up or cooling down, and cajoling children to eat anything at all.

6:45 pm: Announce that tonight we don’t need to take a bath. Youngest child immediately melts down, because she wanted to take a bath. Eldest child melts down because, even thought he didn’t want to take a bath, he wanted to taunt his sister while she was in the bath. 

6:53 pm: Loose temper for 1st time today, scream that children need to brush their teeth. Step away to calm down. Spouse gets upset because “You can’t handle the children without yelling.” Bite tongue all the way through to avoid snarky reply.

7:10 pm: read 2 story books. Read one more. Explain again, that mommy cannot read anymore, and daddy will come read for a little while. Extract self from pile of children, and tuck both in. Hugs, kisses, and fist bumps. Twice. Then once more, after you’ve left the room.

7:15 pm: contemplate second shower. Decide that you didn’t really get that sweaty on the walk, and it’s not like you’re going out. Collapse on sofa with phone and mindless tv.

7:25 pm: spouse comes into the living room after harrowing duty of reading for 10 minutes. Hand over the remote, pull out side hustle lap top and finalize tasks for the day.

8:30 pm: remember that you promised to do main job work. Bring out that laptop to run some code while you continue side hustle work.

9:15 pm: Finish side hustle work, give up on main job work for the evening. Mentally apologize to team for not making more progress, promise to self that you’ll be more focused tomorrow.

9:30 pm: tell spouse that you need to go to bed. Endure his eye roll and disappointed face. Apologize for needing to go to sleep so early, and reassure him that you’re doing the best you can.

10:15 pm: eldest child has night terror. Comfort eldest child until he’s calm. Comfort youngest child, who is upset at brother’s screams. Realize that spouse is still watching tv in the living room while you comfort children. 

11:00 pm: listen to youngest child cry for 10 minutes until spouse begrudgingly tends to her. Remind self that it is not solely my job to comfort our children. Try to go back to sleep. 

3 am: eldest child wakes up with question about mushrooms that is vitally important. Answer to best of middle-of-the-night ability, acknowledge that you appreciate his curiosity, but that there are times when questions are not appropriate. Get him back to sleep.

4:30 am: youngest child wakes up.

[mrtmdpro]

People create their own problems, then suffer because of it

And let us be honest, this is quite a common issue. I have known the taste of it, and so do you, I believe.

I have seen people of such qualities, you know. I have this roommate guy, name’s Ivan. He is the “that annoying guy” in almost every story that I can tell about my life in Russia. And to be clear, no, I do not hate him. He is quite a cute guy. In fact, you might even like him without the language barrier. But the thing about cute guys is that other than being a lazy couch potato, they don’t do much. Now this dude, he have been actively telling me that he HATES dirty. So, perfectionist, some mr.clean, just like me. That is good. Problem is, that is not what he is. He is literally the dirtiest guy in the room, with dirty clothes piling up to the top before he took them to the laundry. So why does he keeps telling me that he is a clean guy, and he loves cleanliness, so on so on? Because, that is the person he wants to be. That is his “mirror”, by the way of our saying.

So what point am I trying to make clear? Well, I am trying to make clear that I am done with you. Finished. Ended. No more “creepy” following, no more holding on to a dead relationship. Because that is exactly what I want, after the day that you were being rude to me. The day that you sort of tell me to fuck off.

So where is the line between being a creep and a one-sided lover?

Not very bright ans clear, to be fair. I myself can’t really draw a straight line, but I know one thing. That is, at that time, and even now, I still love you. To a degree, of course. But as long as I wish to see you being happy, as long as I wish to make your life better and happier, I will count that as love. But you don’t love me anymore, so why m I doing this? I have been writing this question over and over again too many times, that I myself lost count. Does not matter tho. One can only hope for a day of a return signal.

But anyway...remember our last convo? That you told me that i was such a creep, and that I better “go get a life”? Well you offended me hard with those words. You used to tell me that you do not understand me. I guess you still kinda aren’t. You used to tell me that nobody can’t live with anybody. Well yes I am living a happy, energetic, full of love and passion-ish life right here. You see the point? I failed miserably in almost everything I did after our breakup. What in the f... I totally lost that cocky attitude of the age 18, because I lost too much. I felt the pain. I have been there and I understand how you mattered to me, how largely you affected me. I longed so hard for your caring hands. I loved them. Your hands are beautiful. So that is my life. That is the life that I got, and kinda deserved. And I stopped being that creepy ex of yours. You happy now? You should be happy. I felt a lot of pain, thinking about your words.

...or so you thought. Well, I stopped actively seeking informations about you. I had to stop myself from doing so, so as not to become a concern to you anymore. I have to fabricate another me, that is, the me that you see today. Some independent, harsh, cold blooded Russo-Vietnamese dude on the street of the capital of depression itself. But things have changed a bit, and I must confess...

I did seek your informations. Yesterday.

And please don’t hate me for it. There was this feeling... this weird one, kept pushing me to do so. I discovered some infos, like your new address, your boyfriend’s name, address, his history, the time and activities you shared with him,... For a while I did felt like a creep. But...what am I supposed to do? What would you do, were you in my shoes? Just chilling in some corners, believing things will be fine, and not starting to look out for your loved one? Anyway, I was wrong about he being younger than you. Or at least you two are of 2001-era. Which is fine, I totally get it. For a second there I actually thought I will lose you forever, after your endevour with him. But...you know what am I thinking? Don’t hate me for this, I’m just being honest on what I think about your new boyfriend. He is cute. One big fatty boy, kinda lovely-ish quality. His family is not the top dog of the city, but lives a fairly easy life. I did not found any other of his older relationships, meaning you were the first one that he actually loves. In fact, you said yourself that you felt like he did not understand the love that you are giving him. That is a huge mark for a downfall, and I am speaking from experience... Anyway, he has a liberal-eccentric mindset, just like you. So I believe your first moments with him were easy. You two had some real good time, I guess. He is CH2, meaning he can help you with your major studies. And that is good. But your anniversary were on 21/11/2019, and that is...strange. Since the guy is the same age as yours, I thought that he is no longer a freshman. So why did you have to ask me about what I studied for a CS major? My guess is that he arrived a year later than you, and had to start off everything from the beginning. Also, he is study discrete mathematics, so that is another clue. Oh and his whole Facebook profile is publicly open. Which is... not a good thing, if not stupid, especially for a CS major, and I am talking very honestly. It was neat if there were a creep who wants to find his informations tho.

And, his physique. Gotta say, you really have a taste for big, chubby guys. But you said yourself that this guy could not even lift you up. And when I asked for your weight...well let’s say that was not a smart question. Anyway, a 19 years old guy is a guy in his prime. If he cannot lift a tiny, 60kg-ish girl like you up, then what can he do, physically speaking? I really wonder.

And please don’t hate me for this

Who in their right mind would want to become a creep? Nope, nobody. But some...biochems had driven me to this stage, I believe. And since this is your field, may be you can be of help. I am just suggesting.

Anyway, short story before I have to sleep. It is almost 2AM, and I have to leave quickly tomorrow.

I once knew a big bro, who lives in Perth, Australia. His Steam profile name is Neo Jim Meownor. Which is sort of cute. He is a tall, thin guy. But a good person, from what I observed. He is like a brother to me. And today he texted me, on Steam, of course. He asked me why did he not spot me on Facebook anymore? Well, I closed the account, so that is a fair question. I answered the fact, and wished him a happy new year. Now the thing about him is that... he is living the dream. Almost my dream. He lives far away from the “communities”, with his beautiful and caring wife, who he already had a lovely child with. And he can play games almost everyday. He even has a channel for sharing his gaming footages. Also, he is an artist, and a very good one at that. Now I know, I always tell you that I will be some sort of computer engineer. But I used to love being an artist too. Living a peaceful life like that...that is the dream, my dear.

And that dream will never be fulfilled without you. Because you know me. You understand me more than you think. I love you.

That’s it for today. I’ll see you again, soon.

[popwasabi]

“The Matrix Reloaded” deserves a re-watch in 2020

Here’s a burning hot take for, y’all; “The Matrix Reloaded” is not bad actually!

In fact, it’s more than not bad, it’s actually pretty good and perhaps a bit misunderstood by the fans.

Now, I’m not here to tell you it’s the best Matrix film. That honor will remain always and forever with the first movie, as it remains not just one of the best action films of all-time but one of the best science fiction films ever, period. It’s a classic and simply one of my all-time favorite films.

(Not to mention turned me into a Rage Against The Machine fan.)

But somehow, over the course of my lifetime, you know what movie I have watched exponentially more than “The Matrix?” The fucking “Matrix Reloaded!”

I used to think maybe it was an ironic infatuation. To a certain extent, I think it still is, as its overly indulgent action, bad lines at times, cringey new characters, and over the top moments can make it about as comical as many so bad it’s good movies. But growing up time can change perceptions, sometimes for the better, and can help you see things in new ways that you didn’t before and “The Matrix Reloaded,” especially this year, was one of them for me.

(My plans vs 2020)

I could defend the much controversial sequel by going in on its ambitious action film-making (the car chase is still my all-time favorite in any movie), pulse-pounding score, or its eye-popping cinematography that, honestly, holds up even to today’s standards but I think these are all things that even the film’s detractors generally agree on. 

No, I’m going to defend this film by talking about its most controversial scene: The Architect room.

I can hear the groans already and I don’t blame you. I found this scene preposterous and mightily confusing when I first saw it.

“The One is actually a part of the Machines’ system?? WTF!?”

(I remember having a similar feeling after playing Mass Effect 3...)

To be fair, its set up is a bit muddled, given the clunky script and pacing issues of the movie but when you start thinking about the message more deeply, given current events, and its relation to the real world it hits about as hard and fits as neatly as the first film’s more positive message.

The first Matrix film has a pretty dark setup, obviously. Neo finds out that he’s a part of gigantic computer program meant to create the illusion of free will for humanity while they are quite literally eaten for power by the Machines like cattle. Of course, Neo discovers he’s more than just another human connected to The Matrix but a prophesized messiah who has the ability to combat the system beyond its considerable control. By the end of the film he fulfills his destiny by becoming The One and beginning a new revolution against the Machines that control the human race.

(And looking fucking cool and totally 90s while doing it!)

It’s a pretty positive and uplifting story when you really break it down. It shows the viewer the lengths at which power tries to maintain its control and the Machines are a worthy avatar for this metaphor, but it also shows that power can be fought against when someone begins to empower themselves. When Neo says he will “show you a world where anything is possible” at the end its an earned moment of catharsis for not just him but the audience as well. We begin to start to believe in hope and beating the system too.

“The Matrix Reloaded” however goes several steps further showing that power can maintain its control in far more nefarious ways. Throughout the film Neo is told about the illusion of control and choice by characters like The Oracle and the, admittedly cringey, Merovingian. It feels strange at first because Neo is supposedly someone who is above the system but you can tell there is sense of jadedness, with some optimism of course, when The Oracle explains his role in saving Zion, like someone who has seen someone try to do this before, and The Merovingian simply mocks him for being another in a long line of “predecessors” who is completely “out of control.”

But then Neo finally does get to the Architect after being led there by The Key Maker and it’s here he learns his true nature; that he is the sixth in a long line of previous “Ones” in the Matrix and a part of The Machine’s control. He is less a prophet and more just another cog in the machine meant to lead humanity in one direction over and over again in order to create an illusion of free will for the resistance, the same way The Matrix does its human cattle.

Neo was a part of their plan and had been from the start.

(In case y’all need a refresher...)

There were tons of fans, including myself at one point, who couldn’t square with this strange narrative turn. Like Morpheus at the end of the film, there was refusal to believe it. It seemingly rewrote how one could view the first film and Neo’s role in it.

It changed the way a lot of people could see the positivity of the first film and understandably that could, and did, make a lot of people upset. Neo wasn’t sent to save humanity; he was there to keep them in line. It was like saying “actually Emperor Palpatine always wanted Luke Skywalker to blow up the Death Star.”

(I mean he does say this a lot though...)

But “The Matrix” was always about the lengths at which power works to maintain its control over the masses and “Reloaded” asks how can a corrupt and evil system be a part of the solution? How can it be reformed?

It can’t.

Way back in 2008, I cast my first vote as an eligible American for Barack Obama for president. Like many millennials at the time I found his mantra of “hope and change” sincere and uplifting and I truly felt the country was going to take a turn for the better the night he was inaugurated. For a moment it really did feel like things would be different after eight years of Bush.

Fast forward to 2011 however, and things changed dramatically for myself when I found out about the drones.

I’m aware of the fact that in leadership positions hard choices are made but after spending the previous decade vociferously calling out the Bush Administration for what they did in the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars this was a truly rude awakening for me. Combine this with finding out about him continuing Bush era tax cuts, re-upping the Patriot Act, the mass deportations, the major corporate donors, his mishandling of Flint, and The Standing Rock Crisis it became clear Obama was just as much a part of the machine as Bush was.

(Also, no matter how much you hate Trump, DO NOT participate in the the gas-lighting of this man’s record...) 

Now, I can already hear the pitchforks picking up and I’m not here to tell you that the Obama presidency didn’t have its moments or that it was worse than what we have now BUT this does not excuse what would be considered awful behavior by liberals under any conservative president.

Each Democratic presidency or nomination I’ve seen in my lifetime, from Clinton to Obama, has always touted themselves as a chance to “fix America” and bring “hope and change” to a largely corrupt system. But neither of these presidencies really changed much of what the previous conservative administrations did, in fact in some ways they got worse. Minimum wage hasn’t risen in over a decade, we still have the world’s largest prison population by far, the wealth gap has only INCREASED regardless of who held the White House, and need I remind some of you Black Lives Matter started under the Obama administration.

At some point the problem goes beyond just conservative stonewalling and political impasse. You can’t blame everything on Mitch McConnell (though a lot of it can too, admittedly). The system is behaving exactly as its supposed to because corrupt people hold power.

(They’re not laughing with you, they are laughing AT you...)

The extremely cynical Biden-Harris ticket we got going right now is being pitched, more or less, the same way as a "fight to fix everything terrible” that Trump has done. Look, I’m not going to tell you Trump hasn’t been terrible because that should be obvious to EVERYONE at this point, but when you have Wall Street goons actively cheering the announcement of the Democratic party nomination, a DNC that is running more conservative speakers in its first day than Latinx across the entire event, you have to wonder to yourself if they are really “The One.”

(A reminder that “Never Trump” Republicans are not your friends either...)

Again, I’m not saying things can’t be “better” right now under a Democratic White House or that some communities would benefit greatly from a change in leadership BUT the bar is FUCKING LOW and the truth of the matter is people WILL be hurt under the next administration regardless of who it is and framing it as “privileged” to think otherwise is actually quite privileged itself.

There are people who can’t wait for medicare for all. There are people who can’t wait for sentencing and prison reform. There are people who cannot survive another wave of US imperialism overseas.

We are being guided to the same predetermined destination that The Architect gives Neo and its what makes all this so aggravating for many.

“The Matrix Reloaded” shows Neo that he is simply another system of control for the afflicted masses but what makes the final moments of the film important is that he chooses to stop playing its game. When The Architect gives him the choice of the door that guarantees the “salvation” of the human race but in bonded servitude to the Machines and the door to make the supposed “selfish” decision to save Trinity from death but doom humanity to extinction, he does this fully expecting Neo to make the same choice every other One did before him did.

But Neo doesn’t, he goes through the door to save Trinity and for a chance to destroy the system in another way. Neo decides to break the cycle even if it might have catastrophic consequences. He challenges The Architect on whether he would be willing to allow Neo any chance at any other outcome and calls his bluff. It’s what makes him a hero and in a strange way gives “Reloaded” a positive ending as well.

(And again, just looking cool as hell while doing it.)

Now, with the way the next movie ends you could make the argument that the cycle continues and this theme gets contradicted but I would argue it’s a bit more ambiguous than that and with the fourth film supposedly on its way in the coming years there is a chance for a more conclusive and satisfying ending. This write-up is strictly arguing the message of the second film anyways.

What a viewer should get on further review of “The Matrix Reloaded” is that corrupt systems have more insidious ways of maintaining control than we may be able to accept. Wall Street goons wouldn’t allow a consistent formidable opposition party to run against them every year, it’s why they are deep in both red AND blue pockets. It’s why campaign financing is out of control. It’s why ultimately both wings of our government are pro-surveillance, pro-big money donors, pro-US exceptionalism/imperialism and the only real difference comes down to mostly minor minutia between the two to maintain their illusion of choice.

In the end to a certain extent, I still believe in the system, given that I donate money and support various leftist causes, progressive primary challenges, and reelections around the country in hopes they run a real left wing someday. However, each year, and frankly each month at the rate we’re going, I’ve grown more cynical about it. At best it is incremental change and at worst its ultimately empty power against the larger juggernaut of corrupt politics throughout our government.

(Me desperately trying to avoid the relentless bullshit of this year.)

“Reloaded” deposits that in order to break the cycle you have to make a choice not accounted for by the system. That in order to truly change anything, as silly and as obvious as it sounds, you have to do something different. Voting for people who better represent your beliefs much more fully and refusing to vote for ones who don’t is one way but as I stated in my “Black Sails” write-up the more active third option should never be off the table.

Changing the world shouldn’t come down to a false binary choice like the ones the Machines gave Neo at the end of “Reloaded.” And while, for the record, I’m not necessarily against people making the lesser of two evils choice again, people need to stop ignoring the ways in which corruption keeps its power and start having honest looks at those who call themselves “The One” who will make things right.

If this entire year hasn’t convinced you of that yet, I don’t know what will and the sooner we understand this the sooner we can start a real “revolution” in this country’s cynical politics.

Until then The Machines will continue to win...

*Me getting away from the liberal bullshit that will likely be tossed at me over this*

[atamascolily]

Okay, I have calmed down enough after reading Aftermath: Empire’s End that I can address the bit that really got to me.

TL;DR: the entire “Contigency” business is based on an extended chess metaphor and... I have questions.

Previously, we have learned that a Jakku orphan named Galli Rax stowed away on Palpatine’s Space Yacht so he could get away, only to be caught by Palpatine. Palps told the kid that he had two choices: die, or go back to Jakku and make sure no one stumbled across the Mysterious Thing (”the Observatory”) Palps was constructing out in the desert. Galli chooses the latter, and Palps sends him back to Jakku and Galli does his thing. Ten years later, Palps shows back up with the space yacht to compliment Galli on a job well done and take him away.

O.... kay. I’m not sure how Palps was able to ensure Rax would keep his end of the bargain. Sure, he has a supervisor Yupe Tashu and a bunch of droids, and I suppose they could have killed Galli, but... there didn’t seem to be anything stopping Galli from running away? I doubt even Palps would have bothered to stalk one kid just to prove a point, but it just seems really weird from Palpatine’s perspective to be so hands-off.

Anyway, so the first thing they do in their Big Reunion is Palps teaches him how to play chess. And I don’t just mean Thinly-Disguised Space Chess as a stand-in for the real thing, I mean actual chess.

Here’s the passage that made me start to howl and gibber from a world-building perspective:

“It’s a very old game. Shah-tezh, in this interation, thought over the eons I have seen it spawn many variants. Dejarik. Moebius. Chess. In most of the iterations the core mechanism remains.”

To be clear: this is Palpatine talking. What the hell does he mean by “over the eons I have seen”? That’s not the sort of thing you say if it’s something you know from a book or a story, that’s what you say if you’ve personally experienced it. Is Palpatine really that old?? If so, this is HUGE, absolutely earth-shattering bombshell from a world-building perspective. Is it ever followed up on? Not that I can tell.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

(To be fair, I’m not against this, per se, but I just... feel like if it was important.... it should be relevant.... and not name-dropped once and never mentioned again? Like, it matters? AAHHHHHHHHHHH.)

The other thing that made me scream, is, of course, the fact he comes right out and says it’s Chess In Space, which.... While I have used “holo-chess” as a synonym for “dejarik” in my fics, and Wookiepeedia says “holochess” is an accepted synonym for dejarik in nu!canon, this particular passage reads weirdly to me because it implies that chess as we know it on Earth is a separate but related game to dejarik, not just another name for the same game. And I... have questions about that, just like I would if “poker” suddenly appeared in the GFFA lingo along with “sabacc”.

{Also, I just want to note that the Persian word for chess is shatranj. Per the “History of Chess” article on Wikipedia:

Players started calling "Shāh!" (Persian for "King!") when attacking the opponent's king, and "Shāh Māt!" (Persian for "the king is helpless" – see checkmate) when the king was attacked and could not escape from attack. These exclamations persisted in chess as it traveled to other lands.

This isn’t the first time real-life details have migrated into Star Wars - “Tatooine” is named after a location in Tunisia, and the Lars’ farm is located in the “Great Chott” which actually exists on Earth.... but still. I’m just saying.}

And again, this is probably me being stupid and petty about Details That Don’t Matter, except that the one is actually huge from a plot and thematic perspective, so it’s hard not to get tripped up on it.

Anyway, so Palps instructs Galli in the intricacies of shah-tezh, and it all boils down to one thing: “without the Imperator, the demesne cannot survive”.

And That’s the reason why Palpatine has to personally make sure the world burns after his death, because it means that his Empire has completely failed if he dies and deserves to be punished. O.... kay then.

(Granted, Palpatine is a crazed narcissist, but... there’s like no way this makes logical sense, right? And Rax doesn’t even think “oh, that’s insane, but I have to agree to stay alive”. Even at this juncture, when he barely knows Palpatine at all, he’s completely swallowed the Kool-Aid. Which is odd because he’s very skeptical about other things.)

Anyway, Palps repeats it because it’s his guiding principle: “If an Empire cannot protect its Emperor then that Empire must be deemed a failure. It collapses not only because its central figure is gone, but because it must not be allowed to remain.”

He’s so incensed he nearly strangles Galli, but then he relents, and says Galli is “the Contigency” and if he fails, he’ll be replaced, because literally, “destiny”. Then they go watch opera, because Palps hasn’t found anyone to watch opera with him since that one time with Anakin and... Vader isn’t into that, lol.

(The problem with making opera Galli’s thing is that ALL OF THOSE SCENES ARE FLASHBACKS or referred to in passing in the narrative rather than viewed directly. So we don’t see him poised at the opera, plotting, the way Palps did in ROTS, or contemplating art like Thrawn does. So it’s easy to forget that he has this quirk. Also, it makes him feel like a Thrawn knock-off. But I do like that it’s canon that he’s just the Biggest Drama Queen ever, though.)

I’ve said this before in earlier rants, but to repeat: I do not see Palpatine as having the relative humility needed to even consider his own death seriously. in ROTJ, he acts 100% confident that he’s gonna come out the winner. So to come up with an entire elaborate plot, on the off chance that someone might off him seems just... kinda OOC?

Sure, he’s the type to have wheels within wheels and all kinds of schemes going on simultaneously, but... this one involves placing a lot of trust in Galli Rax going along with the script, and I just... don’t get why he would assume Rax would automatically go along with it, or be able to. There are just so many variables that the novel doesn’t seem to address and it’s just hard for me to imagine Palpatine doing this without making other/additional Contigencies, not just one.

Anyway, so it turns out “the Contingency” is to lure both the Imperial remnant and the New Republic fleets to Jakku and then literally blow the entire planet up to take everyone out at once, while a handful of specially chosen loyalist ride off in Palpatine’s Space Yacht for the Unknown Regions to form a new Empire. Which... okay, sure, why not. In theory, this sounds pretty cool and it involves all of Palpatine’s favor tricks, including a planet-destroying superweapon.

Where it actually breaks down is in the details, of course. And Palpatine is still dead, of course, so it does shit-all for him, except for some vindictive satisfaction while still alive, I guess. 

(And if he is planning on coming back, it seems weird to burn down the house you plan on re-occupying later? I guess? *shrugs*)

Anyway, it turns out that Palpatine has a whole network of Observatories, where he does all kinds of secret, evil things:

Palpatine began establishing the Observatories before the start of the Galactic Empire, infusing each with purpose: Some were meant to house ancient Sith artificats, others designed to host powerful weapons designs (or the weapons themselves), others still meant as prisons harnessing the lifeforces of those captured within for a variety of strange purposes.

(which, given that the Ashmead’s Lock prison on Kashyyyk is powered by its inhabitants’ life force a la The Matrix, strongly suggests that it, too, is an Observatory, although the book does not say that directly and canon will probably never mention the energy-harvesting thing again despite ALL OF THE QUESTIONS THE EXISTENCE OF SUCH TECH RAISES.)

I’m okay with this passage, because it means that the Maw Installation, the Eye of Palpatine, and Wayland are all part of this system. It feels very much in-character. However, only Jakku is part of the Contigency, at least according to Galli, but--tbh, I kinda doubt it, because when have we ever known Palpatine to tell the truth? Or have Only One Plan?

Anyway, for decades, the Observatory computers have been plotting a route through hyperspace into the Unknown Regions. (I thought this was something only Jedi could do, since they were supposedly hard-core Space Navigators? Otherwise, what was even the point? *shrugs* Why do you even need a “Sith Wayfinder” anyway? *cough cough*) Then there’s an obligatory Thrawn reference, since Thrawn is canon, but Rax is pretty dismissive and says that the only reason Palps tolerated Thrawn was for his secret navigational insights into the Unknown Regions.

So if Palps loses his original demesne, he’s just gonna go conquer the Chiss or something? Except he can’t, because he’s dead, so what ever. I don’t even know, okay? Does anyone know what happened to Thrawn or the Chiss post-OT in the Disney ‘verse??

Anyway, Palps is convinced there’s something in the dark side waiting for him out there, which Galli is dismissive of. You’d think a guy who had literally been Force-choked would be more accepting of this instead of assuming it was just wishful thinking, but okay then. This is pretty clearly meant to be an obvious Snoke reference, which gets wonky with the TROS retcon that Snoke was a clone-puppet of Palpatine the entire time!

Anyway, Rax gets Yupe Tashu all geared up with Secret Evil Sith Gear and a Magic Kyber Crystal and tosses him into the planet’s core, and it starts the self-destruct process. Except it doesn’t because Rae Sloane kills Rax at the last moment, puts a stop to it, and steals the yacht full of feral children and flies off into the sunset to carry on Rax’s master plan because the New Republic destroyed the Imperial fleet while she was distracted and she apparently is tired of all this shit? Okay.

Anyway, she makes a deal with Armitage Hux that she’ll keep Brendol from abusing him if he keeps the feral kids from attacking her, and apparently it works out. This is supposed to be the origin of the First Order, and I guess they find Snoke or something, but none of the details are ever explained in any material I can find, so.... *shrugs*

I just really don’t understand how the First Order can be functional under the conditions herein described and how it logically evolves from This One Ship to a massive, disciplined force capable of wiping out the New Republic.

So I finished the book and... was kind of mad, because it just felt like a complete waste of my time. Overally, this whole thing just seems like a lot of build-up that doesn’t go anywhere, and provides weird backstory that only raises more unaddressed questions for things that really didn’t need it. 

also, it’s darkly amusing to me that this book comes out saying, “yup, the ST is a literal game-board reset of the OT, and Palps fully intended for it to be that way, even though we at Disney had no plans to bring him back as a villain at first” and I just... well, props for honesty, I guess?

anyway, the whole thing is a mess from a world-building perspective, and even though Star Wars is Fake and In Space, I just get grumpy when things don’t line up, especially since that was supposed to be one of the major selling points of this new canon in the first place.

[magnoliawhetstone]

h e a d c a n o n s, pt. 1

( tw: mentions of eating disorder )

When Lia is drunk/ tipsy she likes to act our favorite movie scenes—even if she’s alone.  Most recently was the titanic scene (where she also got her knee suck in the balcony). She can quote all of the legally blonde courtroom scene and definitely knows the mean girls Christmas dance as well.

When Lia bakes, she has this small habit of humming or singing when she does so. Interestingly enough, for how involved baking is, she’d done it for so long she’s relatively good at shutting her brain down for a while when she does it. Or, at least, it takes all her energy to bake instead of overthink. It’s why she stress bakes so frequently and it’s also why she hums/sings when she does it. It’s mindless and she’d be embarrassed if anyone heard it–but she doesn’t always realize she’s doing it.

Surprisingly, while Lia’s favorite book is Pride and Prejudice, her favorite movie is Love Actually. She can quote most of the movie–as she can with most things she loves–and her favorite scene is when Hugh Grant dances to “Jump (For My Love)” by the Pointed Sisters. This is another scene she sometimes recreates when drunk.

Lia is not the biggest fan of Harry Potter. She doesn’t even know what house she’s in (its Ravenclaw but she can’t remember that). She never got into the series, never found it to be that interesting–magic didn’t quench her thirst the way some other books did…

Yes, that’s right. Magnolia Barnes was absolutely a Twi-Hard. You could not pull her away from these books–it was even worse since, at age 18, you’d think she would have had better taste. But no, she was #TeamJacob all the way. And yes, she did go see the movies when they came out. And yes, she did cry at the end. Don’t judge her.

Lia loves watching home renovation shows, though she literally has no reason to watch the show. She’s never had to do a home reno in her life. But she likes to imagine a day when she would–she thinks she’d be quite good at it. Sometimes about being able to use her hands in a meaningful way strikes her as soothing–its why she likes baking so much. She doesn’t have proof she’d be good at it, but she has a feeling she’d be pretty good with her hands if she can make delicate pastries so well.

Lia loves college football. Like absolutely adores it. Big Clemson gal, Tiger Rag is her jam. She remembered spending fall weekends at their Lake Keowee home so they could easily drive over to Clemson and go to a home game. Hates the Gamecocks with a passion. Rivalry weekend was her favorite time of year growing up–it was so full of excitement and energy. In fact, the most heated you might ever see Lia out of an argument is walking a Clemson football game. And yes she knows exactly what’s going on down on the field and if you ask her one more time if she’s sure–she will throw a piece of pie in your face.

Speaking of Clemson, Lia wanted to go there for college–get her degree in English. But she also had high dreams to be the baton twirler on the field–the one who dots the i with whatever family they’re celebrating that day in the pregame ceremony? Yeah, she wanted that. She thought that maybe she could mix the two worlds of hers, her two areas of interest–but no, that was never to be the case.

Lia grew up going to State fairs every summer–but never an amusement or theme park. She has never been to a planetarium, and her first trip to an Aquarium was with Beckett. Her first trip to a Zoo was with Ryder. So sure she’s ridden some rides, but it’s never been like most people have. It’s her dream to go to DisneyWorld one day and somehow, someway, stay in the Cinderella Suite. she’s watched enough youtube videos to know that not one gets to stay there but contest winners and celebrities, but still���a girl can dream.

While her peers took their vacations in Paris, Nice, Monaco and Italy, Lia’s father preferred north–like Amsterdam. Which, to be fair, was really very nice and Lia liked going. She even had a friend, Tess, who she’d hang out with when they would go on holiday as they called it. Tess was cool–she was into collecting model trains and really liked to read also. But then Tess’s parents sent her to boarding school after they had found out that she had been chatting with people online that she shouldn’t have been. Lia thought that sounded awfully harsh and hoped her parents would never do something like that to her. (Oh, irony)

When she’s sick, she doesn’t want chicken noodle soup, she wants wonton soup. Why? She doesn’t know, but she’s never liked chicken noodle soup. She thinks its the mushy carrots and celery. But wonton soup is essentially the same thing, but with a wonton and better flavor. She likes hers with spinach.

If toast is cut diagonal, she can’t eat it. Vertical squad for the win.

Big Bon Appetit fan. The quickest way to make her smile is to make her watch an episode of “one of everything” or “gourmet makes”. she might have a small crush on alex delany but we don’t talk about that.

Lia believe in aliens but not ghosts. She’s not big on conspiracy theories either–but she might be tempted by the stories at Denver Intentional Airport. She just can’t accept that humans are the only living things in the universe. That’s a lot for her–but she doesn’t go actively searching for them. Ghosts, on the other hand–she just never believed in them. Why would anyone want to haunt someone? Seemed like a weird power play to her. And no, despite what some people at the Malnati think, the moon is not made of cheese.

Lia is obsessed with spreadsheets. If you asked her what the dorkiest thing about her was–she’d tell you it was her planner and spreadsheets. She has a spreadsheet for probably every aspect of her life. her planner–which is really a bullet journal–is how she keeps track of things when she can’t get on her computer, but she has one for chores, her books, work, her bucket list, hell–even a bachelorette watch party she had a few years ago. She loves being organized.

Office supplies are her kryptonite. She absolutely loves blank notebooks and pens. She has a favorite pen for different things. Pentel RSVP RT Retractable Ball Point in black for everyday items, Staedleter fine tips felt pens for her bullet journal, sharpie pens for when she wants her notes to stand out, Zebra Mildliner for headers in her bullet journal or giving the pages shape. She is incredible persnickety on who can borrow what pen, and even keeps less important pens in her pencil bag just to lend out. And under very few circumstances will you ever see Magnolia Barnes using a pencil unless she has been required too. She hates the darn things.

Lia doesn’t swear–her mother taught her ladies don’t swear and while she doesn’t believe language as a gatekeeper for femininity anymore, the expectation still holds. So if you do hear her use a curse word, something is very very wrong.

Go to coffee order, you ask? Easy. Grande White Chocolate Peppermint Mocha with Blonde Espresso and Almondmilk and yes whipped cream. Sometimes she’ll get it with Raspberry instead. If its iced, it’s a tall and no whipped cream. However, she can also be bought over with a Venti Iced Guava Tea Lemonade with 8 pumps sweetener.

Lia has seen the Chatworth House–the house used as Pemberly in the Kiera Knightly version of Pride and Prejudice. While its not her all time favorite movie, she sure loves it still and begged her parents to take her one summer. They relented and it was everything she had dreamed of seeing.

It’s well known that Lia cannot dance–she often tells people she can only line dance and Viennese Walz, and the former only happens when she’s tipsy on PBRs.

Lia loves sleeping with windows open because she can’t sleep in silence. The white noise of the city helps relax her and and makes her sleep easier.

However, she must read in silence–any noise will distract her and she gets relatively grumpy if anyone interrupts her reading. She also adores reading by a window. She likes the way the natural lights illuminates the pages.

Words are some of Lia’s favorite things–she thinks they’re magic. So loves the way they sound and likes to think about the way they feel in her mouth and how they roll off the tongue. She does her best to take her time when speaking too–because if words are so important, its better to get them right the first time. (Although perhaps she would learn that getting it right may not always be nearly as important as saying something at all).

(tw: eating disorder) Not many people know this, but after the book incident, Lia has begun to go to therapy. Her counselor, Tonya, has been helping her try to work through what things are Lia and what things are Lia’s mother. They haven’t gotten to the eating disorder conversation yet–and Lia dreads it. because Lia has never used the term out loud–in fact, the only time it was ever spoken was by the doctor the night of the incident. She has never named it and technically never claimed it out loud–though she knows its true in her heart.

Lia hates pickles. Don’t know why, but she thinks they are gross. Also parmesan cheese.

Magnolia loves horses–perhaps not the extend of others, but she had grown up riding them and when she rode them, she always sensed a freedom that was just out of reach at home. Perhaps that was because who was always riding wit her, but she doesn’t like to dive deep into that. It complicates things (that maybe needed to be complicated, just sayin’). Leaving her childhood horse Butternut was like leaving a pet (something the Barnes did not have as Lia grew up). Butternut and her went on a lot of adventures together, usually along side Buttersquash and Jack. It was good squad.

Lia’ favorite dessert is Mrs. Whetstone’s peach cobbler–and she has pour her life’s work into recreating it since she never asked for the recipe before she left. Every time she tries, she feels like she gets a little closer, but its never quite right. But it does remind her of home and its one of those memories she loves dearly. Anyone who asks her, though, what her favorite dessert is, she’ll say cheesecake because nothing even compares in her mind to that cobbler and she doesn’t want something to try to do something that will never reach what she expects. And she does love cheesecake.

Favorite flavor of yogurt? Chobani Raspberry Lemonade. Its only available in the summertime, but boy is it worth the wait.

[doctorsgirl262]

Ranking (Almost all) of the Nancy Drew Games

Literally no one asked for this, but I thought it’d be really fun to rank and give my opinion on each of the games. I’m biased towards a fair share of the games since they were the ones that I played growing up. **I have yet to complete 5 of the games (I know, blasphemy) but I’m not going to rank them since I don’t have any opinion on them. This includes: Stay Tuned For Danger, Ransom of the Seven Ships, and Labyrinth of Lies. I am also not including the dossier games. I also want to stress that I don’t dislike any of the games.

*EDIT: I am updating this last to add the Captive Curse and the Final Scene which I just finished within the last 2 days, so this is a re-post of my other post. (6/3/2020). I can’t run Stay Tuned for Danger on my computer, so it probably won’t ever make it on my list unless I watch someone’s play-through of it. I’ve heard bad things about Ransom of the Seven Ships, so I’m hesitant to buy the game and play it, but maybe I’ll get to it at some point this summer. I would like to buy the Labyrinth of Lies sometime soon, but I have to wait to get paid to be able to play. So, for the time being, they will continue to stay off of my list. I hope you enjoy my list!

31. Secrets Can Kill (Remastered): This game is okay, it’s not my favorite. I like the fact that Nancy is trying to solve a murder. But I feel like all the characters are kinda bland and really aren’t all that memorable, and neither are the games. I also found the hidden clues in the posters to be a bit challenging, so overall, I’m not a huge fan of the game.

30. Tomb of the Lost Queen: I loved the idea, but it wasn’t really memorable to me. I enjoyed it enough when I played it, but have absolutely no desire to play again. But I do like the Egyptian history that we see in this game.

29. Midnight in Salem: Honestly, not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. But by no means is it good. I didn’t hate it while playing, but it was missing a lot of what the games normally have. It felt dull and kinda boring, and the plot just didn’t feel totally cohesive. But, I look forward to playing more games in the future, even if it means waiting another 4 years. I will admit though that the mechanics were seriously lacking. I hated having to drag the screen up and down to search for clues, and the way moving worked kinda was abrupt and sudden. But, I’m realllllly digging the updated looks for the Hardy Boys.

28. Trail of the Twister: Kinda boring, kinda not. I don’t really care about tornadoes at all, so it was boring to learn about them and having to be part of the team. But I did enjoy the underlying mystery about selling secrets and such, and I liked most of the characters.

27. The Shattered Medallion: It’s an interesting game, but I’m not a huge fan of it. Nancy and George (and Bess) being on a reality tv show is an interesting concept, but I like the concepts where there is true mystery and danger to be found as Nancy delves deeper. The puzzles were fun, but not super memorable. I think it’s a fun game to play once, but I have absolutely no desire to play it again.

26. Message in a Haunted Mansion: I haven’t played this one in years, but I remember being terrified of it when I did. Finding the creepy note and then almost having the house burn down always scared me, and the fact that there was a “ghost” haunting the place didn’t help. I think it’s an enjoyable game, but it doesn’t have the same replay-ability as some of the other games do.

25. Secret of the Scarlet Hand: I love history, I really do. However, I found that this game was just a tad bit too boring with how much history it had in it. I enjoyed getting to learn about Mayan culture, but the fact that the mystery doesn’t really occur until half way through the game was just kinda a killer for me. The puzzle weren’t my favorite either.

24. The Haunted Carousel: I had a really hard time playing this one, but that has nothing to do with the game itself. I have a fear of oceans and sharks, so sometimes I had a hard time getting through puzzles. The puzzles weren’t my favorite, but I think the plot was interesting, with Joy remembering her past and the amusement park.

23. The Creature of Kapu Cave: I think it was really cool that we had the opportunity to play as the Hardy Boys in this game. I think it was an interesting plot overall, but I got bored sometimes. I also hated Quiggly, she was rude and annoying towards Nancy and it just frustrated me to no end.

22. The Final Scene (New) :  I’m not gonna lie, this game really made me realize how helpful the task list is. I was so confused for the first like 25 minutes because 1) I somehow managed to not meet Nicholas for ages 2) It took me looking for a hint on the internet to realize there was a whole other area where Joseph was. There were a few things that I honestly just didn’t pick up on, and the characters definitely weren’t my favorite, but the whole plot really had me on the edge of my seat. I got really nervous at the end and it was a nice change of pace. I liked the danger that came with this mystery a lot. I liked the idea of Houdini being involved in the theater and that whole magic plot, but I never got the package that seemed really important?? Either way, I think it was an enjoyable game, but the characters were lacking.

21. Curse of Blackmoor Manor: The game had a creepy feel to it, but I feel like the end of the game was a real let down. There was so much plot throughout the game, and there was the “curse” that Nancy learned about, and it just seemed to come to an abrupt ending.

20. Ghost Dogs of Moon Lake: I think this game is interesting. The speakeasy was a really cool aspect of the game, and I enjoyed that it was a bit of a darker game. But I think the puzzles were fun and interesting and it was an enjoyable game.

19. Ghost of Thornton Hall: I love the atmosphere of this game, with it taking place in the South with ghosts. I love the history that was involved in the game, and the whole plot revolving around Charlotte and her death/murder. I like the dark route the game took, compared to some of the other games. It’s one of the few games that give me the chills.

18. Sea of Darkness: I hate it when there is Ned and Nancy drama in the games, it always makes me so uncomfortable. In a previous post I talked about how I felt about their relationship, so I won’t really get into it, but that’s besides the point. The fact that it’s last game with Lani Minella is sad, but it was still an interesting game. I think the puzzles were fun, and I enjoyed the Icelandic activities in the game.

17. The Silent Spy: I love the fact that we get a backstory on Nancy’s mom’s death. Also, going to Scotland and meeting Samantha FREAKING Quick. The fact that we finally got to put a face to her name after waiting for so long (11 games btw). I think it was a seriously fun game that had some interesting puzzles and had a unique plot.

16. The Haunting of Castle Malloy: Another really creepy game to me, but really well done. I enjoyed most of the puzzles in the game, and the idea of searching for the missing groom and trying to understand the history of Castle Malloy was super interesting. The characters were overall rememberable, and so was the plot, and I feel like it was a nice, challenging game

15. Alibi In Ashes: I really enjoyed this one too, and I love that you get to play as Bess, George, and Ned on top of playing Nancy. I find it crazy that her town would think that she would burn down the old town hall, but it’s whatever. I liked getting to build a case for Nancy, I think that was a fun aspect of the game. I also liked that it was our first chance to really meet Deirdre Shannon. I just liked the whole mystery aspect of this game, with dusting for finger prints and picking locks to trying to determine a suspect.

14. Legend of the Crystal Skull: I liked the dark vibe of this game, and that we got to play as Bess. I really enjoyed Henry Bolet and his character, and I think that the overall plot of the game was really interesting. The crystal skull was a really cool idea to have in a game, and I feel like overall the game had a good balance of creepiness. I also loveddd the little trap on the poor shop keeper with the sneezing powder.

13. The Captive Curse (New): I honestly really liked this one! I liked the history of the castle, and I loved the characters. I loved playing the games with Lukas and Karl, and play them a lot. I think there was a really nice balance of creepiness to not over power the game, and I overall really enjoyed it. I think the idea of the game was fun, and the puzzles were also super fun. I like how developed the characters are here, and it was a game that I honestly didn’t want to end when I found it reaching the final scene. However, the Ned and Nancy drama in the beginning wasn’t helpful at all. I understood the drama in the Sea of Darkness, but the drama in the game was minuscule and just unnecessary. But other than that, I enjoyed getting to have Frank on the phone, he was fun to talk to. 

12. Danger on Deception Island: This was another one of my favorites from when I was a kid. I always enjoyed the puzzle, especially the one with building Nessie for some weird reason. I thought the plot was really interesting, and that it was a creative idea. The puzzle in the game were also really creative, and I thought that overall, it was a cool game. The characters were interesting, and so was the plot.

10. The Deadly Device: The danger. The mystery. I spent so freaking long trying to beat aggregation, I cannot express the pleasure of completing all the levels. I like that this one had a murder, which reminded me of some of her older cases. I really enjoyed the characters in this one too, and I like how much a true mystery the case was. There were a few moments that really had me a little anxious and on the edge of my seat as I played.

9. Shadow at the Water’s Edge: One of the scarier games of the series, but I enjoy it. I feel like there are certain scenes that are actually terrifying, and I love how well done everything is. All the characters are interesting and finding out the backstory of the hotel and all the ghost business of the game. I think that it as a whole was just an amazing game, and there was so much detail that went into this game that I loved.

8.  The White Wolf of Icicle Creek: Weirdly enough, I love the chores aspect of this game. I normally hate doing chores, but they’re kinda fun here. I think the puzzles in this game are fun, and so is the mystery. I love it when Nancy goes undercover. I love that they brought back Tino Balducci for it, and like Nancy, I feel like all of us were groaning at the realization that we had to work with him (but we were all also kinda excited to do it too). However, there was so much history to the game, that I feel like the ending was kinda abrupt, but that could totally just be me.

7.  Secret of the Old Clock: I absolutely love the fact that this game takes place in the 1930s and that it’s based loosely on Carolyn Keene’s books The Secret of the Old Clock and The Mystery at Lilac Inn. The mini games are some of my favorites, and I just enjoyed all the characters and the plot. I always had a lot of fun when I played this one when I was younger, and it was always a game I looked forward to playing

6.  Treasure in a Royal Tower: I love the history that the game is based on, Marie Antoinette. I found that the puzzles in this game were fairly fun too, but I especially liked having to do a bit of sneaking around. I feel like the older games had a lot more danger to them, and I found myself on the edge of my seat sometime while playing.

5.  Danger by Design: Ooooh, this is a fun one. I loved getting to work for Minette, even though she was kinda crazy. All the puzzles were so much fun, but my favorites have to be the cooking challenge and the designs for Prudence Rutherford. The characters are super fun in this game, and I love the plot about the stained glass too. Getting to go into the catacombs is also super fun, and overall, I think they went in a really good direction for this game.

4.  The Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon: I adored this game when I was a kid since it was the first Nancy Drew game I ever played. The idea of a hidden gold mine on top while also having Lori’s disappearance on a moving train was just so fascinating to me. I always enjoyed the puzzles and loved the characters, especially the Hardy Brothers.

AND FINALLY… MY TOP 3 FAVORITE GAMES

3.  The Secret of Shadow Ranch: This is one of the more recent one I played, and I loved it so much. I love the history and culture of New Mexico, so I really enjoyed getting to see the petroglyphs and the cliff dwellings. I’m also a sucker for baking puzzles in games, so I really enjoyed that. The characters were also really interesting, and I loved the Dirk Valentine plot line. Overall, it was a really really fun game that I would love to play again.

2.  Phantom of Venice: This game is near and dear to my heart. The characters are really interesting, and I love getting a glimpse at Ned and Nancy’s relationship, with him giving her the necklace (especially since the more recent games have been giving them a rocky relationship). I think the adventure itself is an interesting one, and I love it when Nancy travels abroad for a mystery. The puzzle in this game were really interesting, and overall, I really enjoy it. I also loved getting to be Punchy LaRue!

1. Warnings at Waverly Academy: This has been my favorite Nancy Drew game for years. I love all the characters and how different yet similar they are to one another. The puzzle throughout the game, from making a DNA strand to playing scram and air hockey, I didn’t dislike any of them.  And the Edgar Allen Poe story plot is also super cool, I think that was an amazing plot that Her Interactive came up with. Also, the snack shop mini-game is just so much fun. “As of now, the snack shop is open!”

[sammysdewysensitiveeyes]

Personal stuff

I’m just drunk enough to be in a maudlin mood, and I think I maybe need to write about this, so here we go:

Cancer fucking sucks.  I have lost two friends to cancer, both at a far too young age.  To be clear, I do not personally have cancer.  I just hate it.  Because it took my friends.  Give me back my friends, you shit disease.

The first friend died in high school, and honestly, no one should die in high school.  That’s just not fair, right?  Our relationship was basically like something out of a Lifetime movie or Very Special Episode of a Sitcom.  He had cancer the entire time that I knew him.  I had just moved to a new city (my dad got transferred at his job) and his family had moved to the neighborhood for his treatment, so he didn’t know anyone.  My mother heard about this, and wanted me to go hang out with him.  I, being a self-centered fifteen year-old, was reluctant.  I didn’t want to be friends with a kid just because he had cancer.  But I went over to meet him anyway, and he turned out to be The. Coolest. Kid. I have ever met.  He was always so upbeat and brave in the face of the incredible shit hand that life had dealt him.  He was a fun, clever, funny, nerd whose interests coincided with mine, and we hit it off immediately.  I loved hanging out with him.  We would play through point-and-click video games together (like the Sam and Max games).  Cancer messed with his vision sometimes, so I’d man the computer and he’d direct me.  My favorite memory is the time that we played a fighting game together, and I chose basically the strongest character (who could fly), and he chose the weakest character (who could only walk back and forth and punch).  He lured me onto the ground, and proceeded to beat my ass.  It was amazing.  I always knew that his death was possibility, but I didn’t want to really think about it.  But it happened.  Cancer took him.  He deserved so much better.  I think about him when new video game systems come out, because he loved games.  He’d probably be working in the industry if he’d lived, and probably designing cool, clever LucasArts type stuff.  It wasn’t fair, and he should have had more time for a beautiful life.  Thank you for introducing me to Sam and Max, and Bone, and so many other things.  Thank you for leaving me your Playstation, and your copy of FF7, I played the shit out of that game.  Thank you for our time together.

The second one hurts more, because I knew her longer, and it was more recent and unexpected.  She was my best friend from high school on.  She was the friend that I expected to keep for life.  I moved around for school and different jobs, but I always stayed in touch with her.  We would talk on the phone at least once a month (usually for hours at a time).  We were “fandom friends,” and would rant or gush about whatever series we were into at the time, and the other person would always patiently listen.  She’s the person who got me into Supernatural. I started watching and e-mailing my very biased episode reviews to her, but I realize I have not watched a single episode since she died, because it was our thing.  We were actually on opposite sides of a few fandom “conflicts” but were always respectful of each other’s opinions and favorites.  Obviously, we also talked about serious stuff as well - we talked about politics and religion and whatever was going on in our respective lives, but the fandom stuff was our way of relaxing and blowing off steam.  Whenever I went home to visit my family, I would see her as well (she lived in the same town), and I could enjoy just hanging out with her for hours.  Talking or watching videos or just chatting and doing nothing.  Her home felt like my home, and one of her cats would just curl up in my lap whenever I sat down.  She was intelligent and warm and kind and clever, and I’m convinced that she would have been a professional writer if she’d just had a little more time.  She wrote amazing (and popular) fanfic, and was working on original works.  I know she would have gotten published eventually, if life had given her more time.  She worked as the librarian at a local jail, and was doing things like setting up book clubs for juvenile offenders to help get them back on the right track.  She had a lot of compassion for people.  She had terrible pains in one of her legs for months....literally months on end.  Like she would stop in the middle of our phone conversations to cry out in pain because her leg hurt so badly.  It wasn’t until she had to take a leave of absence from her job because she was in so much pain that doctors finally diagnosed her with an aggressive form of cancer.  It honestly angers me when I think about how long she went without treatment.  She was fat, and the doctors basically just diagnosed her with “fat” until they finally got around to noticing the cancer that fucking killed her.  They amputated her leg, but it was too late.  The cancer spread throughout her body, and she died about a year later, after suffering far more pain that she didn’t deserve.  I don’t think I’ve really accepted her death.  Whenever I think about it, my brain just goes “NO!”  I know, rationally, that she is gone.  But still my brain says “NO!”  There are all sorts of  things I want to tell her, and souvenirs from Japan that I want to send her, and silly fandom things that I want to talk about with her.  I wish I could call her and hear her voice again, very familiar, on the phone. 

I think that losing people in this way is kind of like losing a tooth.  Because the hole will always be there.  I have other people in my life, I have friends and family that I love very much.  But those two people are gone, and there is a hole my life that cannot be filled, because people are irreplaceable. 

I’m not writing this for pity or attention, I just really need to get it off my chest.  And I don’t want to post on Facebook, because I’m FB friends with the sister of Friend #2, and I don’t want to dredge up more grief for her, she’s already been through enough.  So I’m shouting into the void on Tumblr.  To my two friends, I love you both so much.  You will always be in my heart, and I will never forget you.  Thank you for everything.  I hope more than anything that there is some kind of afterlife in this existence, so that we can see each other again.  I hope that you are happy and at peace.  Also, I hope you are not looking over my shoulder as I drunkenly type all this up, because holy shit, how embarrassing.  You’re both probably face-palming right now.  And rightfully so.        

[icequeen-shiva]

alright, you know what

about two weeks ago maybe by now, i made a post about how i’ve recently hit 200 followers and i’d like to do a q&a again, and even with a reblog from someone more ~*popular*~ than me, and multiple reblogs once a day for a few days by myself, i didn’t get a single fucking question. not one. earlier today i posted two pictures of myself where i felt pretty (i’ve since deleted them) and nobody i actually know of liked it and i got asked by a stranger who doesn’t even follow me if i had any nsfw pictures. i don’t get asks anymore, i don’t get shit. and that tells me that, you may be following me, but you aren’t connecting with me. and i feel that. i get on tumblr and i don’t feel like i’m friends with fucking anybody. and i did that. i know i did that. 9/10 times i let my fear of rejection and embarrassing myself overcome my desire to talk to people, so i don’t do it, or i let it fizzle out and we go our own ways and we don’t become friends. 1/10 times i actually function as a human being and make a connection or at least something that sticks a little.

so here, below the cut, is a comprehensive (loosely) list of things that i like, in no particular order at all, besides tickling, because apparently both sides of this need a little help connecting on any front.

scooby-doo

beetlejuice

the addams family

the sims

the mcu

classic disney animations; my favorites are dumbo, the great mouse detective, the rescuers, sleeping beauty, and oliver and company (it’s old enough that i consider it in the classic category)

~modern disney animations too; my favorites are treasure fucking planet, coco, and... i’m a sap, beauty and the beast. rise of the guardians too even though it isn’t disney.

musicals; i can’t pick a favorite just fucking ask me, but i don’t know a lot of newer ones honestly

empire records

the greatest showman still

cats (i mean the animals but i also like the show even though it is Weird As Hell)

my cat in particular

alice in wonderland

stranger things

space jam

tsum tsums

elvira, mistress of the dark

dice

kiki’s delivery service and specifically jiji things

winnie the pooh i don’t even fucking care i LOVE HIM AND ALL OF HIS FRIENDS

silly hats

playdoh

interesting earrings

exploring libraries or big bookstores

true crime mysteries; my favorite youtuber for this is georgia marie, bless her. i also watch bella fiori and kendall rae

fictional mysteries too

i have a kind of fascination with jack the ripper and with the lizzie borden case

shipwrecks! i don’t know why but shipwrecks fascinate me! why did they go down? all the stories that went with them!

i once read a novel that was told as a series of letters, or journal entries, by people on the titanic, including the iceberg and it was THE absolute saddest book i have ever read in my life. like, obviously i knew what was coming, but i got attached to the characters, the letters made them alive and it was just like... NO. NO I DON’T WANT THEM TO DIE. I KNOW THEY’RE GOING TO BUT THEY CAN’T. and it was awful. i had to put it down and cry.

cryptozoology

the bermuda triangle theories (i’m not saying i believe sOmEtHiNg’S gOiNg On but i think some of the theories are interesting)

ghosts

the nancy drew computer games

monopoly

i still play a lot of my snes games; my go-to time killer and head-clearer honestly is kirby’s avalanche. i also play a lot of super mario rpg legend of the seven stars, super mario world, kirby’s dreamland 3, and donkey kong 2 and 3

final fantasy x in which i’m guaranteed to call almost (i can’t stress that enough) every character at some point “my child”

hyrule warriors, i know it’s not a tRuE zelda game but it’s fucking fun

same with fire emblem warriors

red dead redemption

kingdom hearts

the uncharted series

splatoon but i don’t have it wahhhhh

mind you i am not very Good at videogames, i just like to play them anyway

game grumps

ninja sex party

jacksepticeye

markiplier

monty python

crocheting

tea

harry potter

classic rock. pretty big on queen lately. i like tom petty and the heartbreakers. i like joan jett and the blackhearts.

i just... like rock. across the board. i like the offspring. i like some rage against the machine songs. acdc on the radio makes me happy. def leppard on the radio makes me happy. beartooth, starset, powerman 5000, as long as it’s got a good beat and good stuff going on behind the vocals then i’m gonna be happy. i’m way more into the guitars and the bass and everything going on instrumentally than i am vocally, honestly. the whole big guitar solo to van halen’s “you really got me” and then that bassline that comes in, that bassline is sexy. it’s so simple but i LIKE it.

anyway music as a whole gets me right in the heart and can lift me up when i am at my literal worst point

it’s hard for me to name a favorite or specific bands that i like because there’s so many and i’m not really picky about it. 

pop vinyls

good ol’ vines

buffalo wings

mac and cheese

grilled cheese

dr. pepper

i drink a l o t of dr. pepper

pretending i know how to do makeup well

history; i watch a lot of expedition unknown and mysteries at the museum, and sometimes i’ll watch a free documentary on youtube if it catches my attention. last weekend i explained the donner party to my boyfriend. just.. on a whim. because i’d just watched a thing on it and he said he didn’t really know what it was. i’m that person.

OH I SHOULD HAVE MENTIONED THIS BACK AROUND TRUE CRIME BUT I READ A BOOK ABOUT H.H. HOLMES AND HIS MURDER CASTLE AND THE CHICAGO WORLD’S FAIR. it was by erik larson, i believe. larsen? i could google this. devil in the white city. there’s been talks to make it a movie. it’s a good read though i will admit i skipped a lot of the fair parts because i was there for the murder.

i also read a book about the lusitania by the same author and i was like ohhh my goooood what. it got a little boring sometimes, i had to push myself to keep going, but i would read dead wake again.

csi: miami reruns are the greatest thing don’t @ me

dark purple and black aesthetics

just like... witchy aesthetics. those colors and black cats

if you haven’t noticed by any selfies i’ve posted, i do have my lip pierced and i love finding new lip jewelry. i have a new opal stud in and i love its look

leather jackets

combat boots; i have a galaxy print pair and a pair with classic marvel comics stuff printed on the inside and you can fold down the sides to show it. they’re my faves.

owls

drunk history

the first 5 seasons of supernatural and i still have a soft spot for the winchesters and castiel

i’m slowly making my way through watching the librarians

i’m also making my way slowly through watching the magicians

(american) football

nature walks

going to the zoo

going to the aquarium

like really take me to either of the above and i will lose my shit

road trips

savannah, georgia

the smokey mountains

last august i drove by myself from ohio to boone, north carolina for a friend’s wedding and that wedding was smack on a mountain top and it was the coolest thing i think i’ve ever done

roller coasters BUT NOT EXTREME ONES baby steps ok

log rides tho, i don’t know why, i always love the water rides

ren faires!

cosplay, even though i’m not exactly active in it myself (but i want to be; one of my offline friends is an actually-getting-kind-of-internet-famous mei from overwatch cosplayer)

cards against humanity

foosball

pool but i suck at it

speaking of pools i love swimming ... but i suck at it, i just like boppin’ along in a pool

cookouts

summer

there is nothing like being out in the middle of nowhere in summer when the evening starts to fall and the sky is dark, dark blue and there’s a sea of shimmering lightning bugs out over a field. it’s beautiful. it’s peaceful.

there’s nothing like sitting outside on a calm spring night and listening to the spring peepers (they’re frogs) either.

if you couldn’t tell, i live in the middle of nowhere. i have to find enjoyment in the little things.

campfires

dancing around said campfire, you cannot have a campfire without good music. this is when a lot of my classic rock education came to pass.

elephants

my favorite books are the abhorsen trilogy by garth nix, tied with the serpent’s shadow by mercedes lackey

i am trying to get into comic books by way of the youtube channel comicstorian. they break comic books down for you and read them aloud with the images, altered slightly to avoid copyright strikes (and that’s all made very clear, it’s not done sketchily), and it’s been really easy for someone like me who doesn’t just have a comics store close (and i would otherwise continue on as i have been, forgetting to ever look for them on the internet). i listened to injustice 1 and 2, and they covered the game. i’m actively following scooby apocalypse, and there was some teen titans stuff i went all the way through up until now. i don’t think it’s finished yet from what i remember.

i love museums

candles

i actually kind of collect tea sets

i also have a collection of sand art bottles AND IF I’M EVER AT A FESTIVAL OR A FAIR WHERE THERE IS A SAND ART STAND YOU CAN BET I AM GOING TO MAKE ONE

yugioh duels; i’m definitely just a novice and it’s just a fun pastime my friends got me into when they found their giant binders of cards again

i’m not actually that big on pokemon, i don’t know a lot of them but it’s still fun and i know some. but i did love pokemon go when my friends still played it (don’t really have time anymore, and it kept crashing way too badly on one of their phones anymore anytime they tried to join a raid and it just wasn’t fun as a group then)

i don’t have any but i like the ~look of crystals and would like to have some, not for my own aesthetic but i just... like having pretty things!

listening to the rain

how the air smells (at least where i live) after a long rain and everything is just cleansed

depression has stopped me from writing for a long time but, in my heart, writing has always been something that has touched me ever since i knew how to do it and could put my stories down on paper instead of having to just talk about them... so i’m going to include that here

root beer floats

hotdogs

hard dip ice cream (if you don’t know what hard dip means... as my boyfriend didn’t... it means ice cream that you have to use a scoop with, not soft serve)

soft serve’s good too tho don’t get me wrong

strawberry milkshakes

this isn’t even stuff that anyone would need to know on this site to befriend me at this point, nobody’s gonna message me like HEY I READ YOU LIKE STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKES ME FUCKING TOO

you’re cool if you do that lmao

so bad they’re good creature features from the 50s and 60s

the old godzilla movies

i like the moon more than the stars, but i like them too

flower crowns

bouncy balls

original skittles

this has gone on way too long, nobody is reading this, your mom’s a hoe, goodnight

no she’s not, i’m sorry, if you got this far then i hope your mom is a nice person

[clubdolan]

Wishes Come True | N.C.

I watched a Make-A-Wish video and was ~inspired~.

“Her name is Riley, she's eleven, she has been diagnosed with astrocytoma, a brain tumor, has had three surgeries and currently is going through chemo.” The guide from Make-A-Wish handed Noah a picture, “Her wish was to meet Peter K, aka: Noah. So you have an hour with her, more time if you want but an hour is necessary.”

She untangled a few lanyards and handed one to Noah with his name on it, “Her mom’s name is Carol, she should be coming down any time to take us upstairs, it’s all a surprise, she doesn’t know her wish was granted—

“Oh my goodness, it’s Peter K.” A voice behind them said, “I cannot believe I am seeing you in person after seeing you on a screen. Thank you so much for coming.”

Noah stood up and hugged her, “I am so happy I could be here and very excited to surprise her.” He kept hold the mom’s shaking hands, “I brought her a gift too, if that’s okay?” He gestured to a basket sat on his friend’s lap. “It has Peter’s lacrosse hoodie in it, a book signed by some of the cast and some other fun things.”

“That is very okay, super okay!” The mom smiled, tilting to look at the basket. “Are you Elsa.. on Once Upon a Time?” 

The girl that sat with the basket on her lap looked up, “Um, yeah, I’m Lilly.” She stood up and stuck out her hand.

Carol let go of Noah’s hands and shook Lilly’s, “Riley and I used to wait every week for new episodes of Once to come out, we loved when Anna and Elsa showed up. It was right when she started her first round of chemo and it was such a magical show for us.”

“Awww, that’s so sweet to hear.” Lilly smiled, “Did my hair give it away?” She gestured at the long blonde hair that set on her shoulder, “It’s usually the giveaway.”

“That and your beautiful eyes.” Carol grinned, “Can you come upstairs too? Riley will just be… so excited!”

“If they say it’s okay, I can.”

Everyone looked at the Make-A-Wish lady as she hand-wrote Lilly’s name on a pass. “I can’t say no.” She laughed, handing the lanyard over.

As they made their way to the elevator, Carol continued conversation. The Make A Wish lady grabbed the basket of gifts and Noah’s publicist followed.

“So Elsa and Peter K walk into a hospital….” Noah joked as they waited on the elevator to get to the top floor. His hand sat gently on Lilly’s back and she leaned into him until the bell dinged.

“Her older sister Rachel who is fourteen is here too, she doesn’t know about the surprise either.” Carol mentioned, “I don’t even know how to do this. Do I just have you walk in? Do I announce it?”

“Can I just go ask if I can watch the movie?” Carol nodded, filming right behind him as he opened the door. Without saying a word he sat down in the chair next to the girls on the bed, “Oh I love this movie, can I watch it too?”

Both Riley and Rachel slowly looked over at him, his curls hung right at the top of his eyes as he grinned back.

“Peter……Noah… Noah??” Riley asked, pulling on her sister’s arm. 

“Riley… Riley???? and Rachel???” He joked back, acting like he was freaking out.

“Mommy, it’s… mommy you knew?” Riley yelled, “Rachel did you—

“I didn’t know!”

“Can I at least get a hug?” He asked, sticking his arms out. Riley’s little body covered in purple butterflies pajamas seemed to hop off the bed and onto Noah’s lap as her arms wrapped around his neck. 

The Make-A-Wish lady stepped in the room, “My wish was granted? My wish was granted!” She stood up and pointed at Noah, “It’s here! He’s here!”

Everyone in the room was laughing at her reaction, Carol filmed the whole thing and Noah’s publicists snapped pictures on her phone.

“Sit down, you all can chat for a bit.” The Make A Wish lady said, pulling Riley’s table to the side. “But we might need another chair?”

“Another chair? Don’t tell me Lara Jean is here!” Riley dramatically said, “If it’s not Lara Jean is it Margot? Or Kitty?”

“It’s no one from my movies.” Noah gave a hint, “Your mom is the one that recognized her.” 

Every eye in the room went to Carol, “It’s was our favorite show to watch when you first had chemo—

“Once Upon a Time!” Rachel and Riley yelled at the same time, “There’s so many possibilities.”

“Think….” Noah tried to give a few hints, “Cold…. Queen…. Ice—

“ELSA?!” They both guessed again, giving Lilly the cue to step in the room. 

“Hi” She waved, walking towards them. “I’m Lilly.”

Riley and Rachel sat in shock as she stood in front of them. Riley stood up on her bed and gave her a hug, “Hi Elsa Lilly!”

She took a seat next to Noah and they recorded a few bits for Make A Wish before most people left the room and let Rachel and Riley have their own time with Noah and Lilly.

Questions about being on set, future movies, tv shows, signing her iPhone case, etc. Riley had them all.

“I actually just filmed something where I play a robot-girl, I think it comes out next year, it’s got a lot of editing to do because half of it is all made up.” Lilly scrolled on her pictures to find one of her in her outfit with wires coming out of her neck in special effects makeup. 

Riley opened her gift, laying it all out on the bed. They had all become so comfortable in each others presence that neither Noah or Lilly had noticed that Lilly’s hand was on his leg, listening to Rachel tell a story about something that happened at school.

“I have school here, on my computer.” Riley pointed.

“That’s how I finished school.” Noah said, “You too, right?” 

Lilly nodded, “On set most of the time.”

“Do you two wanna be in a movie together?” Rachel asked.

“I’d be fine with that.” Lilly laughed, “Can it be a tropical movie? I just filmed in England and it was freezing the entire time.”

“It can be a tropical movie about a pirate.” Riley explained, “And a mermaid, you can be the mermaid.” She pointed to Lilly.

“What if I want to be a mermaid?” Noah frowned, “A merman?”

“Okay, you both can be mermaids and you can run from a bad pirate who is trying to get you. But you get eaten by an octopus!” She laughed, pointing at Noah.

“Oh noooo!” He dramatically said, falling back into his seat, “Death by octopus?”

“It’ll slurp you up! And Lilly the mermaid will escape and become a princess and ban the pirate from ever being in the ocean again!”

“I’m down with that.”

“You get to survive and be a princess and I die by octopus slurps? Not fair.” He pushed her shoulder.

Lilly pushed back, “Super fair. I’ve died three times in movies and you’ve never died once.” 

“But an octopus?” He asked Riley, “Why not a shark or a…. whale?”

“Because an octopus has eight legs.”

“That’s the best reason I have ever heard.” He smiled, “You should write a movie for us and send us the script to give a director.” 

“That’s a lot of writing.” Riley sighed, “I’ll just give you ideas, okay?”

“What other ideas do you have?” Lilly asked.

Riley explained for over twenty minutes her ideas for movies and super heroes and everything in between. She stood on the bed exaggerating how tall a monster was. She ran around the room describing a cape for a super hero. 

She stood in front of Lilly and looked at her hair, “You could be Rapunzel too, you just need a braid.”

“Do you know how to braid?” Riley nodded, pointing at the little braid in Rachel’s hair, “Then give it a go.” Lilly lifted her up to her lap and Riley’s fingers went to town separating hair and winding it together. 

Noah took a few pictures of them, watching them giggle and tell secrets. He looked back through the pictures, admiring the smiles on both of their faces.

“You like her, huh?”

He was shook out of his zone as Rachel spoke to him. “Huh?”

“You like Lilly.”

“I mean.. I—

“It wasn’t a question.” She shrugged, “It’s obvious.”

“What’s so obvious about it?”

“I’m fourteen, I know when people have crushes on each other.” She moved closer to him and they both watched Riley continue braiding Lilly’s hair. “You keep taking pictures of her and you were smiling really big when you looked at them. She keeps touching your leg and you hold onto her hand. But mostly, because your phone background is the both of you and people only do that when they have crushes. Mine is Harvey.” 

Noah looked next to him, “You’re smart.” He nodded, “Do you think she likes me back?”

Rachel took a second to look at Lilly before explaining, “Yes, for sure. Like I said she keeps touching you. She keeps smiling at you too. And the way she looks at you is… she has that look… you know the look?”

“The look?”

“The heart eyes, like the emoji.”

“You’re saying literal hearts come out of her eye—

“No..” She rolled her eyes, “The look you get when you really use the heart eye emoji. Did she come to New York with you?”

“She might have?”

“So she did?”

“Yes, we’ve been here for a few days.” He admitted. 

“So you’re on vacation together?” Rachel kept interrogating. “The rumors are true, you’re dating.”

“What rumors?”

“I sit in this hospital a lot with my sister and I read a lot of news on twitter. Yesterday you were a trending topic. Leaving the basketball game…..” She tried to remind him, “You held the door open for her?”

“As any gentleman would do.”

“You carried her shopping bags?”

“Some of it was mine.” He defended.

“And you’re staying at The Plaza, paparazzi caught you leaving there too. That’s a fancy hotel.” She grinned, “Do you even try to keep up on the gossip about you?”

“No, I try to ignore all the gossip. But I—

“Have you kissed her?” Noah whipped his head around to look at her, “Well that’s an obvious yes!” Rachel laughed loudly, getting both of the girl’s attention.

“What do you think?” Lilly asked, turning her head so you could see the one braid go down the side.

“I think it’s beautiful.”

“It needs to be longer to be Rapunzel’s but you can get extensions.” Rachel said, “So you two are dating? Like the internet says?”

“Huh?” Both Riley and Lilly asked.

“Apparently we’re a dead give-a-way once you see us together on the trending topics of twitter.” Noah sighed, “She’s a little detective.”

“Nilly is real?” Riley looked up at Lilly with inquisitive eyes.

“Why else would they randomly be in New York together staying at the same hotel? You’re wish was Noah, not the both of them. She just so happened to show up with him.”

“She’s good.” Noah shook his head and grinned.

Riley’s face lit up, looking at Lilly, “Please say you’re dating him.”

“You think I should?” She whispered down to her.

“Yeah, he’s cute.” Riley giggled, looking over at Noah. 

“Hey! What are you whispering about me for?” He pulled her off Lilly’s lap, “What are you telling her?”

Riley moved around and put her hands to his ear, “That she should date you because you’re cute.”

“You?? Think I’m??” He pointed at himself before cupping his hands around Riley’s ear, “Well I think she’s pretty.”

“You better tell me what he’s telling you.” Lilly threatened, “Or I’ll tell—

“He said you’re pretty!” Riley yelled, hiding her face in Noah’s chest. 

“Told youuuu….” Rachel smiled at herself for being right. “Life’s too short to keep secrets that make you happy.”

“And she’s funny” He kept whispering in Riley’s ear, “And she makes good brownies.”

“So Nilly is real..” Riley looked up at him, “Really real?”

“Yes.” He laughed, “Because you two started asking questions.”

Carol came in as Noah was ticking Riley, Rachel was laughing and cheering him on as Lilly smiled sitting next to them all.

“So meeting Peter K was all you imagined and more?” She asked, lifting Riley off of Noah and onto the bed.

“Yes!!” She jumped up and down on the bed.

“It’s time for your check-up so it’s time to say goodbye.”

Riley and Rachel pouted, looking over at Noah. “We’ll keep in touch with you guys, I’ll get your mom’s phone number if that’s okay? We can FaceTime.”

“Perfect!”

They took more pictures and Lilly hugged both girls, “You’ve been so sweet to meet, I’m so glad I tagged along today.”

“Me too.” Riley smiled, touching the braid that was still in Lilly’s hair. 

Noah hugged the both of them, “Is there anything else you need?”

Riley quickly shook her head no but Rachel stopped him, “Riley wants a kiss on the cheek!”

“No I don—

“You said if you ever met him you wanted a kiss—

“No—

“Yes—

“No I d—

She froze as Noah grabbed her hands, “You want a kiss on the cheek?” Riley nodded on time, squeezing her eyes shut. He puckered his lips out and quickly smooched her cheek, she blushed as he hugged her again. “Bye, Miss Riley.”

The walk out of the hospital seemed longer than the walk in before they hopped in a car alone and were off to dinner.

“That was the cutest. All of it. The cutest thing.” Lilly said, “I about cried three or four times.”

“Ugh, me too. When she was talking about her therapy and how she was so excited for a wig I was a mix of happy and sad cry.” He laughed, “You were so sweet with her.”

“Me? You were so cute with the both of them.” She shook his arm, “She is in love with you. You just made that little girl’s life. She will be thinking of that and talking about it for so long. Especially the kiss.”

“I wanted to just pack her up and bring her with us.” He smiled, “Her sister was hilarious, so observant.”

“I heard you think I’m pretty.” Lilly winked at him.

“Well yeah, I guess I did say that.” He fake stretched and put his arm on her shoulder, making her laugh, “I didn’t think it would be appropriate to tell a little girl how hot you were.” Lilly looked up at him, “Didn’t want to mention how good you looked last night in—

She smacked his arm and pointed to their driver, “…nothing.” He whispered in her ear, so close she could feel his lips move.

“You just did a Make A Wish, you can't act like that!”

“Is that in the paper I signed?” He laughed, “Was that a secret thing?”

They sat in silence on the way to lunch, both checking social media and posting about Riley and her Make-A-Wish. Lilly found Rachel’s instagram where she had typed out a long post about how nice they were and how excited her sister still is that it had happened. She commented on the post how nice it was to meet them and she couldn’t wait to FaceTime them soon! Noah commented soon after with a lot of hearts and my favorite girls!!!! 

“So.. since people know now.. or.. kind of know now..” Noah started, “Do you think we should.... like... I don’t know....”

“Like?”

Noah’s face squished together and he held in a laugh, “Can I post a picture of you and talk about how cute you are?”

Lilly grabbed his face and laughed, “You can do whatever you want.”

“So I can?”

“Yes, I don’t care.” She kissed him, “Just don’t like.. not a weird picture.. like not one from a shoot.”

“No it’s one I took.” He smiled, scrolling through his photos. She could tell he was typing as his fingers tapped the screen. He kept erasing and typing more and looking at her then smiling and typing again.

“Whaaaaat?” She kept asking, trying to look at his post.

“Nooooo, stop.” He pulled his phone back, continuing to type.

Lilly sat with her arms crossed, watching the New York streets pass by. Her phone buzzed and she looked down, ‘@ncentineo has posted a new picture’ ‘@ncentineo has tagged you in a picture’.

@ncentineo: So there’s this girl & she makes me ridiculously happy. 😍 

“Awww, No” She hugged onto his arm, “You’re too cute.” He kissed the top of her head.

@lillygriffin: It’s untrue......... He is not local, nor organic. But he’s cute. 🤗 So I guess it’s okay. 

Lilly posted a picture of him and watched her instagram notifications go non-stop. She watched the orange bubble pop up with new followers, likes and comments every few seconds. 

Noah slid the phone from her hand and put it in his pocket, “How about... we go eat and ignore our phones? Then go take a nap before we go out tonight?”

Lilly agreed, looking out the window as they pulled up to their lunch spot. Sullivan Street Bakery was barely busy. They were arriving just before the lunch rush which was the plan. “You know this is--

“Your favorite lunch in New York.” Noah finished her sentence. “Let’s go, I’m starving.”

Lilly hopped out of the SUV and pulled her purse on her shoulder, “What?” She looked back at Noah who stood on the sidewalk, his hand sticking out towards her. His lips pouted at her and he wiggled his fingers, “Hold my hand, baaaabe.”

Lilly took two steps back and grabbed his hand. His smile grew and he squeezed her fingers, leading her inside. Lilly grabbed onto his arm with her opposite hand, it was their first intentional public display of dating and her nerves quickly hit her.

“What’s wrong?” He looked down at her as they waited for a table.

Lilly looked up at him, biting on her lip. He gently grabbed her chin and lead her mouth to his, kissing her quickly, “Nothing.” She smiled, “Nothing’s wrong. Everything is... perfect.”

[angel-with-a-pipette]

"KINGDOM HEARTS III”

I’m going by the chapter titles in the theater, so... here you have the entirety of “Kingdom Hearts III” :’)

The Disney humor is strong with this one again, but I don’t feel completely comfortable with the way it plays against Sora. I wouldn’t mind if we still had our 24/7 sunshine sitting in front of us, but this Sora has insecurities and to see Yen Sid and Donald nag and tease him makes me slighty uncomfortable, not gonna lie :/

But I am really intrigued that Sora does NOT end up becoming a Master after his trip to Olympus. Will he even become a Master by the end of the game? I mean he has to wake Ventus and Aqua so he will somehow gain the power of waking, by that point Yen Sid will make him a Master, right?

DONALD AND GOOFY STOP MANHANDLING MY SON >:(

But dang, Riku, what a handsome entrance. I swear, he looks good in every single screen shot. But then again, they all do... *sigh* Oh dear, we’re surrounded by beautiful people 😭

So... Aqua fell into a great abyss beneath the Realm of Darkness? And that’s where Sora was and where Riku pulled him out from? Did... I miss something? Is this meant to be symbolic for their hearts being so lost that you have to dive in to wake them or is it meant to be a literal place because in that case you’ve kinda lost me? But bless, Aqua’s theme is playing while they’re talking about her! And Ven’s heart... it seems to be hurting inside of Sora’s D:

How amazing is it that Riku and Mickey are going to travel the worlds Aqua had visited? Now THAT I certainly haven’t expected and that excites me so much, you have no idea!

But wait a second.. Sora knows about Lea and Kairi? Yen Sid told him stuff? I am shocked, to be honest. And kind of upset that there’s no reaction whatsoever :/ I don’t expect much, but something would have been nice... instead Sora is only concerned about his own clothes. Dude, really? At least Donald reprimands him for it. He’s still too cute when he gets his own set though, look at him checking out the suitcase! AND OH GOD CAN I PLEASE PRAISE HALEY AGAIN? His delivery of the “Cool. Okay!” is just PERFECT. Sora sounds so much like a teenager there and AAAAH. YES. TWO WORDS. YOU NAIL THEM AND YOU MAKE ME GO WILDER THAN BY READING A LONG SCRIPT. He just knows what he does and I feel so blessed that he’s still voicing Sora for us.

ALSO NOMURA GOOD LOOPHOLE YOU FOUND WITH “May your heart be your guiding Key” THERE LOL. Just pretend Yen Sid always mutters it under his breath and super Goofy with his super hearing picked up on ot (for real though - Goofy has super hearing in this one and imagining Nomura did it only for this scene would be totally possible and crack me up LOL).

Wow... WOW. Sora. STOP LOUNGING AROUND LIKE A HOT TOP MODEL JESUS CHRIST

(screenshot taken by @phoenix-downer ♥ thank you for letting me use it!)

Is this the moment I realize that I will die during playing KH3 because Sora is too handsome, beautiful and hot for me to handle? Nope, I knew already. It still keeps blowing me away every time how amazing this leap in quality and graphics is. I mean to be fair, up until 2016, we’ve been basically running on graphics from 2002! Back then, the series looked amazing and even today, you can tell the series aged really well. Sure, fish faces are a thing, but still. But this? HOLY MOTHER OF GOD HOLD ME.

Doesn’t help that he acts like a moody teenager as well. Geez, 16 year old me is probably crying right now thinking “Roxas who???” (yes I liked depressed edge lord Roxas more in my misguided teenage ways)

THE GUMMIPHONE HAS SORA’S THEME AS A RING TONE WEEEEEE!!!! And I feel blessed by this screenshot as well:

He is beautiful. There is no other word to describe him than that. Bless. And bless, Jiminy’s back, too!

And here he is. IENZO MA BOI!

I cannot tell you how excited I am about his involvement in everything. Ever since I heard about all Nobodies returning, it was my desperate wish to see him and Ansem the Wise and Even work based on the Replica program from CoM/Days to make bodies for the Nobodies. AND IT SEEMS LIKE THIS IS GOING TO BE REALITY, WOHOOO!! Okay, this is speaking from having played further already, but for a while, I feared they would use the Datascape alone to bring back Nobodies and magically create bodies, but knowing their former research is involved? I FEEL SO BLESSED. I feel so blessed by Ienzo being a scientist again, I live through him okay? ♥♥♥

However... I hate how quiet Sora is through all of this. He is still withdrawn, keeps thinking a lot. Now he has Roxas (and Naminé) to worry and think about, too. And that is just the beginning...

But while I’m at it, might I ask how well these cutscenes are done? A lot of scenes frame Sora in a peculiar way, they show only his eyes, they avoid showing his eyes or face... it makes me anxious. But not only that, they show us Ienzo tapping his fingers on the desk. Is it important? Not at all, but it adds to the feel of the scene. You feel like you’re watching a movie. Gone are the days of (mostly) cutscenes where the villain just grandly gestures at nothing and the hero stands close and listens unmoving. Characters interact with their environment and gosh, does this feel GOOD.

And bless Jiminy for teaching Sora how to use the Gummiphone XD I love that they didn’t drop this plot point from KH2 where Sora doesn’t know how to use the Computer in Ansem’s study! It’s a nice reminder that Sora lived a rather simple life on his island with barely any technology - he doesn’t even know how to take a call on a smartphone. Continuity!

And now Sora wants to follow Roxas’s heart...GEE I WONDER WHERE IT COULD LEAD US ;D

Have a status update!

[therewillbesparkles]

mangas

Want to purchase X-Males t-shirts on-line? Whether or not you could have a love for The Avengers, Incredible 4, Thor, or X-Males there are a lot or t-shirts and different merchandise to own. My childhood included a love for 60s and 70s Marvel and DC comics, and my capability to draw originates in part from finding out the tales I read in these days. We worked for a year together on the piece to plan and draw it. Toy companies like Hasbro and Kenner used to produce hundreds of Batman action figure than is launched every year with some variation in it. Transformers 2, the science-fiction film is the most recent sensation, and is the most awaited film of the 12 months. Let's take the film Avatar as an example. Once in a while I went again to the game to take a number of extra screenshots to increase a plot. Within a few minutes, I started making comic strips. Unlike his other comic strips, in Battling Boy, the hero is a kid, who is on a mission to avoid wasting town.

In reality, the opposite series of battling boy grew to become widespread. To conclude on this topic, I believe it's an incredible concept to give our kids the funny comics created means-back-when, comics from your and my childhood. To read a narrative in adventurous manner is sort of exciting for all the kids. You've to beat the constraints of speech bubbles and the difficulty of telling a narrative body by frame. Admit it you may have! I’m positive you've heard this popular on-line store. Since Children's Graphic Novels are really simply an outdated idea with a fancy new name, why should not you explore taking outdated successful comicbook concepts and reinventing them for a brand new era? The concept was to convey the identical meaning with phrases that I suggested via colors, textures and pictures. Popular Online Comics solidify a that means of a word because pictures help that means to words. The nomination was a significant achievement for an artist who had - quite literally -started out small, drawing Submit-it note sized comics and hiding them in different people’s work in bookshops. The primary comic strips appeared in Germany in 1865. It was about two boys who're getting punished for always stepping into mischief.

Moreover, if we're sincere with ourselves, we all know that plenty of mischief is downright humorous. Why are previous coins price more than at the moment's coins? Full collections will fetch lots greater than random particular person comics. Our purpose is to give our readers a very good piece of entertaining and educational comics on which will develop up not one in all the long run generations. These blockbuster movies performs a vital function in the comeback of comics. People who need to cherish their childhood recollections with the comics; they can easily find low cost comics to start out their comedian collection. In today of "I need the latest and latest," we actually discover that some of the real treasures are issues of old. Comedian books are detailed stories. Apart from conventions, yard sales and used guide shops can be extraordinarily price efficient sources for collectible comic books. A comic e-book adaption in addition to a novel publication is being carried out for the movie's promotion. That assumption is mistaken and is an insult to your complete comedian ebook community.

These comic guides give you the type of knowledge you want like the place to get the uncommon and useful comics and where you can get first problem comics as nicely as the back concern ones as well. By selling and buying and selling comics you may be there were the art work is most loved and valued. Moreover, that's where you get the meet fellow fans and catch up on the most recent in the comic books world; information that can show invaluable. Some comedian books editions are collector's objects and if preserved in mint quality condition. Books are restricted because the reader cannot physically see what the writer envisions. Are these behaviors to be condoned? Eyes grow to be circles or dots, mouths are diminished to curved traces, and noses or toes are triangles. Get the newest news. Those that already evaluate huge talents of our website, confess that it is actually essentially the most handy and easy way to be in contact with the most recent innovations of the world of comics.

Properly aware of the advantages that come from studying comics. Which Marvel comics do you have to read earlier than (or after) Captain Marvel? Repetition. Return to your each day newspaper and look on the comics’ page. The cartoonist is using repetition to determine the character. Therefore, we could say that it has nothing to do with a changing developments, no matter is new and trendy, photograph to pop art print stays within the midst of its identified usability in area of art. I regarded, and there before me was a pale horse! There really is one thing for everybody. Cosplay also means costume play and the fans usually come to the comic conventions dressed in costumes. Eight delectable Expansions that adopted added to the joy of the sport play. Then by all means, use it. By way of the use of these exaggerations, it doesn’t matter what other details I include. The possessed doll first hit the screens within the 1988 horror classic 'Kid's Play'. Corey Haim, the lead of the unique horror movie, and Corey Feldman, the 2 Coreys, reprise their authentic roles. Nevertheless, in 2003 Hasbro would relinquish management to Batman's rights to Mattel. You also get preferential treatment in some circumstances and entry to particular events and performances. Did You Know About Fish Smarty? Educational Portal With Many Interactive Games

Brian Michael Bendis is often a critically-acclaimed writer that's popular for his self-published Image and Marvel comic series. He is responsible for many Marvel Crossovers inside the mainstream superhero genre including Secret Invasion, Secret War, House of M, and the popular Ultimate Spider-Man, where he could be still working on today. He has been in keeping with his writing and that he has the maids touch because on the decade now his works have sold considerably well. Batman Unmasked:

Before we proceed into the main topic, let's reintroduce first who's Batman with regard to those who find themselves different about him. Batman is probably the many superheroes that is certainly located in comic strip stories. His alter ego is Bruce Wayne, a billionaire playboy who while very young witnessed the unfortunate murder of his parents Flash by common thugs. It was this event that gave Bruce the motivation to seek revenge not just to those that killed his parents, but to all criminals situating in Gotham City. He then wore a mask had become the hero known as Batman. But that might be evolving as increasing numbers of comics are increasingly being sold for computers and tablets. On the web, independent writers and artists don't have to face the drawback to paying higher per-book print prices on smaller print runs. And there are numerous storefronts and purchasers tools sellers can utilize to trade their original work on favorable prices. Needless to say, the better known platforms will continue to serve the important publishers, but the digital store is not as limited as the space inside a physical store. Using a live model have their benefits in that you can earn from doing live portraits at art fairs along with other public events. A more convenient method specifically for beginners is by using photos. When drawing a portrait you should focus firstly on the face. Here are some tips to achieve accuracy inside your drawing. There are many strategies which come into play when dealing with collectable investment potential and I have only shared two. I believe these are the two main strategies which will help provide some potential now, as well as some protection against weak economic times. They can also help you utilize strong economic times later on. The bottom line is that will have possessions, and memories to go along with those possessions. Some of the key ingredients to collectable buying a weak economy are identical key ingredients in your life. If you balance yourself, you can find enjoyment and happiness. If you extend too much, you risk your balance and happiness. Think ahead. Live today. Cherish your love ones. Enjoy your hobby.

[minhyyuu-blog]

50 questions tag

i was tagged by @mochi-bambam :-) thank you~

1. what takes up too much of your time? computer games; I should find another way of de-stressing or something

2. what makes your day better? recent albums by Exo, Monsta X and NCT and my friends

3. what’s the best thing that happened to you today? nothing in particular :-(

4. what fictional place would you like to go? Hogwarts

5. are you good at giving advice? maybe, I hope so

6. do you have any mental illness? nothing that I’m aware of, and I hope that it’ll stay this way. I used to be depressed in the past though but now I’m fine.

7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? YES, once. And it was really weird. Exactly as people describe it.

8. what musician inspired you the most?  Richard Bona when it comes to playing the bass; ViViD, a J-rock band that doesn’t exist anymore :-(, A9/ Alice Nine, also a J-rock band; a certain solo artist from my country and also a hip-hop group from my country, EXO

9. have you ever fallen in love? yes, but I’m not in love right now

10. what’s your dream date? going on a street fair, playing board games, going to a concert, things like that

11. what do others notice about you? recently I’ve been hearing that I’m very skinny (what’s weird considering that I gained 5kg this summer so I used to be way skinnier) and recently people have been praising my makeup :-)

12. what is the annoying habit you have? whining a lot

13. do you still talk to your first love? no, I haven’t even seen him since we graduated from primary school. I’m still friends with my ex-girlfriend though, idk why.

14. how many ex’s do you have? 1

15. how many songs are on your playlist? unfortunately, my phone doesn’t give me any information on how many songs I have ._.

16. what instruments can you play? I tried to learn the guitar and bass guitar in the past but I play none of them rn

17. who do you have the most pictures of? books about linguistic semantics, God, why My brothers and their families; Jooheon and Minhyuk

18. where would you like to go before you die? I’d like to visit a few countries

19. what is your zodiac? Scorpio

20. do you relate to it? yes, my zodiac sign really suits me even though I don’t believe in horoscopes at all ._.

21. what is happiness to you? accomplishing my goals, not being lonely and being safe

22. are you going through anything right now? yes, doing basically 1,5 year of studying in one year and I really need to graduate uni this year so there is a lot of pressure on me because I literally cannot fail

23. what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? telling something my dad when he was dying

24. what’s your favourite store? this is not a paid promotion :-P

25. what’s your opinion on abortion? I can’t imagine doing something like this ever because losing a child is my worst nightmare but it should be allowed in cases such as rape or when the pregnancy is a danger to the mother and when there is no chance for the mother or child to live or when the foetus has a very serious genetic condition. And it really pisses me off that in my country they want to ban abortion in all cases and it is just purely inhumane. And also not everyone has some moral or religious constraints to do so, so we shouldn’t impose our beliefs on them. They have their own conscience.

26. do you keep a bucket list? I started to keep one last month

27. do you have a favourite album at the moment? Exo’s Don’t Mess Up MY Tempo!!!!

28. what do you want for your birthday? I don’t really know and my birthday is in two days ._. (I have a particular cake in mind though hmm. If I won’t get it I’ll buy it myself)

29. what are most peoples first impression of you? they usually think that I’m a know-it-all

30. what age do you seem according to most people? about 19-20 I guess; people ALWAYS say that I look younger but fortunately they finally no longer think that I’m underage, thank God (at least the majority of them)

31. where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? on my windowsill a metre away from me

32. what word do you say the most? I’m not sure but I know that unfortunately, I whine a lot lately :-/

33. what’s the oldest age you would date? 28 I guess, and maybe 30 in certain cases

34. what’s the youngest age you would date? 19

35. what job/career do most people say would suit you? something connected to languages or a musician

36. what’s your favourite music genre? k-pop, hip-hop, lo-fi and recently I started to like classical music again. I guess I’m coming back to my roots.

37. if you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? every country has its pros and cons and the only thing I know is that after I finish my studies I rather won’t stay in my country even though I really love my city ;-;

38. what is your current favourite song? Bad Dream by Exo (I know that I mentioned Exo at least 10 times today but I heard the new album yesterday and I’m dead and I won’t shut up about it :-P)

39. how long have you had this blog for? since summer 2015 but I used to have a different one between 2012 -14 but I deleted it

40. what are you excited for? for the experiment that I’m supposed to run for my bachelor’s thesis

41. are you a better talker or listener? I prefer to listen to what other people are saying but when I have to say something important or present something then I think I’m doing fine

42. what is the last productive thing you did? completing two units in an online course for one subject for my uni

43. what do you want for Christmas? to spend time with a lot of people (and this is coming true this year!!! omg)

44. what class do you get the best grades in? I just started my academic year a month ago so idk yet but last year I had best grades in Liaison and Popular Science Translation

45. on a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 3; I feel so sick and meh :-/ I don’t want to do anything

46. what can you see yourself doing in 10 years? hopefully, I’ll have a decent job, friends and family and I’ll do at least one thing that I love

47. when did you get your first heartbreak? I have never been heartbroken, or at least I don’t recall, so if I did then it couldn’t be bad

48. at what age do you want to get married? I rather don’t want to get married

49. what career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be an astronomer, a musican or a translator

50. what do you crave right now? hmm... nothing in particular

[partyinthemysterymachine]

i respectfully disagree.

watching a long play of a game instead of playing it does not detract from the experience of the piece. it changes the consumption of course but it does not remove the impact. there are oftentimes hundreds of different play styles on youtube for the same game.

games are expensive and don’t work across all available platforms for the player, or their computer can’t handle an emulator, etc. i own a mac and a lot of games sure don’t like it, and i don’t like playing “on pc” as it is. i have a smart tv and no mod cables to play my ps2 on it, and the ps3 can hook up fine ofc but gaming is something i want to do for fun. and sometimes it’s not fun.

sometimes horror gaming is too much. sometimes i get too stressed or fed up with a section and enjoyment dies and sure, qq moar l2play. but that’s just how it works for me these days. after trying to play many games and getting fed up with mechanics and it detracting my enjoyment or desire to even finish a game i wanted to see through, long plays are what helped me get interested in a game and pursue its fandom or lore or whatever.

the beauty of a long play is that it allows me to stop and pick up when i want to and it makes the trip into the game smoother. i go at my own pace. there are hundreds of videos with play styles and chosen avenues. you can get no commentary or someone in a box in the corner. you can get 12 hour long play deep lore dive streams. the whole experience is incredible.

diving into a horror game can straight up be too much for someone (me). i did sh2 and barely finished 3, and shit even if i could get past the cafe (because i canNOT figure out how to shoot the fucking gun) in sh1, i think i’d never make it much further. i can’t. handle it. i love horror. i have seen many horror movies and they are not the same, i cannot pin a movie that has an effect like a long play.

i will also note rq (as an edit) that yes: absolutely, impacts can and probably have been lessened, such as plot reveals or how much i would have felt dazzled or excited to stumble upon something, because the player already knows where the thing is and is intentionally showing it to me. it's true! longplays CAN and sometimes DO remove the magic. it's very different watching Journey, and being able to go into Journey and chill and marvel at the scenery. i can't stop someone doing a longplay so i can fuck around trying to study an environment, or play hide and seek with enemies, or put on a certain outfit. 100%, longplays CAN and DO remove some of the magic of playing a game and that's just fact, and unfortunate fate.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ you win some you lose some. the way i look at is that it's not quite a fair trade, but at least i'm not getting fed up with a game and quitting it altogether, or having it leave a sour taste in my mouth, and i'm getting to see it through as it is. and while some impacts are lessened, it doesn't mean that all of them are. i have marveled and been wowed and taken aback just as i figure i may have playing the game, who knows; but seeing someone else do it does not always change how i interpreted or felt.

sure. it can be seen as acting the same as a movie. there’s a vid out there that literally calls itself “The Last of Us Movie” that’s 6 hours long (or 8?? been awhile) and it’s all the cutscenes all the dialogue all the flavor dialogue all the item collection and achieves, all story mode essentially and it’s immersive as fuck. it’s a game i started myself, but couldn’t stand to finish because shooting the guns was hard as hell for me and it just. got too stressful. without a long play i wouldn’t have finished it. and sometimes people just don’t have the ability to devote the game time for whatever reason in their life, and so watching a long play can be a suitable replacement.

long plays let me dip my toes into a game without buying it and thus supporting sometimes shitty creators (Bendy and the Ink Machine, Poppy Playtime, FNAF, etc) or a game on a platform i never intend to buy. i’m not gonna let that stop me from enjoying a game. i’m still getting a hell of an experience. it’s not the same experience obviously. but to me consuming a long play does not have the same feeling as a movie.

movies have one way to go. long plays take different avenues depending on the player (one just does the main story with no side quests, someone else does all that and the achieves, one shows easter eggs during the play, one does a “role playing” play through - it’s almost endless!!). the engagement is so far different. it’s still experiencing a game and it’s still understanding and deep diving into it. it’s not a movie. i don’t want to watch a movie, and i don’t view these on the same level as a movie.

while i think that’s an elitist and disappointing viewpoint to disregard long plays, i understand your reasoning and i understand how different it is to actually play a game. it’s pretty different. i respect your opinion.

i do not think it’s fair to disregard or shame others for watching long plays instead of playing and i wont ever feel shame for it myself. experiences vary and interpretations vary and enjoyment and personal caps vary, but being able to connect to, and with other people because of the game is what i think is the whole point of consuming a game, in the end.

not to be that guy but i do actually gatekeep video games from people who just watch longplays on youtube. you are misunderstanding the point of the medium. what you want is a movie

[lyralumina]

For the ask thing you reblogged, Kaiba or Mai!

I will do both because I cannot pick just one! Character(s): Seto Kaiba and Mai Kujaku First Impressions:Seto- “Oh! He’s really pretty…” Young me said as I looked away from the television, blushing bright red as Kaiba was actually my first anime/childhood crush and he made me spill my cereal that day because I gushed too hard. Such wild times. Mai- “Oh gosh she’s really pretty too! I like her hair its so curly and big!” Young me said as I pointed at her enthusiastically. Impressions Now: Seto- He may have problems that he needs to resolve and I sure hope they resolve but I still love him flaws and all. He has a special place in my heart and I want everyone to know that he is the reason I kept watching the show and his deck master is my favorite monster of all time. I owe my childhood to him. Thanks Kaiba. Mai- She deserved so much better than what the writers and show gave her. She is a woman who can kick ass and I love that about her. I wish she was in Dark Side Of Dimensions as a cameo of sorts but sadly she wasn’t there. Favorite Moment: Seto- There are a lot that I can list off but to save you from me droning on and on I will list just two: 1. This is from the Duelist of the Roses game but when Seto Rosenkruez gives the Rose Duelist the pendant/seal of the Yorkists as a parting gift is such a sentimental moment to me. I played the game as a child and I remember actually crying in front of my television because oh man did I enjoy that game so much. Rosenkruez is my favorite character from that game and I would die for him. (Also he states that if the Rose Duelist was ever in trouble, they could show that to the Seto in their era and Seto will help them out in any way he can because Rosenkruez is him from the past so imagine a younger version of you The Rose Duelist going up to Seto Kaiba in need of whatever and showing the pendant/seal. That’s what I always imagined as a kid and even today.)2. Seto during Season One as he is trying to rescue Mokuba from Pegasus and has that whole scene where he is talking to his self-programmed computer who has the voice and attitude of a hair salon stylist woman who just loves to talk gossip all day. Just him and that song ‘Now I’m Back’ playing is such a great moment because… Oh them… him and that computer AI? They’re friends. Mai-  Again I will list two because its only fair since I did it with Kaiba: 1. During Battle City where she was having her duel with Yami Marik literally scared me as a kid because oh man did she not deserve that trip to the shadow realm and to top it all off I remember I lost a friend around the time I saw that episode so it really hit me emotionally so thanks Season 2 and Yami Marik. 2. Season 4 came around and all the times she acted like a boss was always something great to see, she is the Dueling Queen of Duel Monsters within her Era after all. From her flipping her hair dramatically to her just riding on a motorcycle was just great. Ideas For A Story: Seto- I did state in a previous ask about a story idea I had for Anzu Mazaki but Seto does come into play with that idea.Mai- I do have an inside AU of mine which is an Idol AU. Mai in that Idol AU is the top designer to the costume/coord/clothing brand that Ryou Bakura and Marik use. She acts pretty much the same way as she does in canon but there are a few things I added into the fray for her: 1. She actually dropped out of High School due to receiving job offers to launch her brand she actually came up with and semi-launched within that time. She chose to quit her education and go forth with officially launching her brand and Ryou is the first to use her brand and then Marik came as the second one to use her brand. Mai will do anything to protect her brand and her users because she sacrificed so much to even start her brand. Do not dare use the fact that she sacrificed her education against her she will shatter because she wanted to graduate on stage and get her diploma so badly. 2. Mai is a world famous fashion designer who has had harsh criticism for her brand being too skimpy seeing as its a ‘sexy type’ brand and she is having high school boys adorn her clothing does not make it any better but if you dare talk shit to Mai then get ready to hear shit be thrown back by Jounouchi, Ryou, Marik, and Yugi. 3. Once Ryou and Marik graduate out of high school with their diploma’s, Mai actually does hire Marik as an apprentice for her brand. Unpopular Opinions: Seto-  I am going to be flat out honest but Seto graduated earlier than the rest of the cast. He did not bother to walk on stage, he just grabbed his diploma from Domino High and went back to work over at Kaiba Corporation as if nothing had happened but Isono did congratulate him on his ‘graduation’. You all have to pry that out of my dead cold hands.Mai-  Mai should have been with everyone else when Atem passed on into the afterlife. This was such a missed opportunity like come on guys. Favorite Relationships: Seto- 1. Azureshipping (Seto Kaiba and Anzu Mazaki) 2. Blueshipping (Seto Kaiba and Kisara) 3. Puppyshipping/Violetshipping (Seto Kaiba and Jounouchi Katsuya) 4. Rivalshipping (Seto Kaiba and Yugi Muto) 5. Trustshipping (Seto Kaiba and Ishizu Ishtar) Mai- 1. Polarshipping (Jounouchi Katsuya and Mai Kujaku) (Okay do not give me hate, they start dating when Jounouchi turns eighteen because yes I am aware that Mai is in her twenties and that Jounouchi is still in his teens so there you go.)2. Visionshipping (Mai Kujaku and Ishizu Ishtar) 3. Danceshipping (Mai Kujaku and Anzu Mazaki) Favorite Headcanons: Okay I am only doing one per character because this is getting long: Seto- Seto loves musicals and will do anything to see the ones that catch his attention. These are the following musicals that he does love with a burning passion: 1. Hamilton (Seto was there on opening night and sat front row and actually cried during such numbers like Burn, and Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story. Eliza is his favorite and you bet your ass he stood up to clap for the cast during their bows in which prompted everyone to stand up and do the same and he got to meet the cast backstage because he is freaking Seto Kaiba and he can do that. He got their autographs. If you wish for me to elaborate more on this please hit me up and I will do so.) 2. La La Land 3. Anastasia The Musical 4. Phantom Of The Opera 5. Spring Awakening Mai- After the dueling career, Mai becomes the a world famous fashion and makeup model. She actually is a huge social icon for women as she is not skinny and looks like the wind can just whisk her away. She looks like an average woman and that is something that many can look and see themselves as. Mai let the world know that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. 

[aquarianlights]

1-50, bitch. 💕

Oh. . . . .oh no. . . I asked for this, didn’t I? WELP. HERE WE GO!

[I had a LOT of fun with everything that I got to put pictures and gifs into. Especially the aesthetic one. Holy wow. I’d love to see if anyone else has similar aesthetics to me???]

Putting this under a read more because the length of this is gonna be ridiculous.

1. Have you met your soul mate?

Yes. I’m responding to her right now in this ask. (: I’ve also met my two platonic soul mates, as well.

2. Favorite color when you were younger, and now?

I would like to say clear and cerulean were tied, but no one ever thinks of clear as a colour so. . .doin’ a frustrate. Now, it would be clear and electric ocean blue. Like the one colour in my hair that I will never be able to replicate.

That one. Electric ocean blue.

3. Do you wear eye-shadow? What color?

I do. VERY rarely, but I do. Normally, it’s blue or some form of cool colour. Sometimes I do a blue and purple ombre fade. But, uh, recently I’ve been doing warm colours and it looks very, uh. . .strange. I’ve been going for a more subtle look so that it’s not as noticeable when I *do* wear makeup. I’ve been trying to get as close to skin tone as possible while still making it a little darker to distinctly be eye shadow. I’ve been wearing this, uh. . .kind of burnt orange, sort of red eye shadow, I guess you could say? It doesn’t look *bad* on me, but I’m not a huge fan of it, either. I’m just trying to look more professional lately and that means toning it down on the make-up on the rare occasion I do wear any. I am enjoying getting in touch with my professional side and developing him since he doesn’t really exist, but it’s been difficult. Thankfully, there’s quite a few seminars in my vet tech school about professionalism. I’m sure there will be more in pre-med.

4. Are you in love right now?

I am, indeed. I’m answering this ask from her. :) I’ve been in love with her for quite some time, I’d say.

5. In your opinion, is love at first sight real?

I would have to say probably not. Lust at first sight is real. Love? Nahhhhh, I’m not sure I’m a believer. Haha. I feel like I fell in love with Tiffy at first sight. . .but I didn���t even actually “see” her, since we met online. I have never fell in love at first sight. I have thought I have, but I was wrong. I did fall in love with Tiffy not but shortly after meeting her. But she was really the only one, tbh.

6. Are you an optimist, realist, opportunist, or pessimist?

I am a pragmatist. I’d have to say, out of these, a realist. I would like to be an opportunist, though. I do not think I am, but it’s possible that I am. Not entirely sure, though. I need to be to get through med school and I need to be until I get well established in my career path. Hmm, how does one condition oneself to be an opportunist? I guess it helps that I am not a pessimist or an optimist already. I am a scientist through and through so I only listen to the facts. I only relay the facts. I only see the facts. I only believe in the facts. Looking at it positively or negatively doesn’t do anyone any good. Things are just as they are and that’s that. No use being positive or negative about it. So I suppose it helps to be a pragmatist when you want to condition yourself to be an opportunist, yeah?

7. First kiss details? (If you haven’t been kissed, reply how and if you would like to be.)

I feel like I have told this one before! I’m gonna get the details differently this time, though, because specifics are always missing from my mind as the memory ages and this was a LONG fucking time ago.

I don’t know which one counts as my first real one. The one in, like, kindergarten where a boy and I kissed because of a grass eating tournament and a playground thing? [Don’t ask. Lol.]

Or the one in 5th grade. I’m pretty sure everyone would say the one in 5th grade. It involved me, my friend, a boy and his friend. We all excused ourselves to go to the bathroom one by one which was no easy feat in a private catholic school. We met up at the designated spot in one of the back side hallways out of the ways of the camera. We had our two friends with us because we wanted to have them as witnesses that we would be the first ones in our class to kiss. But we were super nervous for some reason. And they ended up pushing us together. And we basically just pecked lips and that was that. . .LMAO. We were all super giddy after that. We then had to all sneak back to the classroom one by one at weird intervals to make it look normal. I’m sure the teacher knew something was up, but back then, we felt like the sneakiest kids alive and we thought we hadn’t gotten caught with anything. Pffft.

8. Do you own stickers, an stationary?

Oh my god, DO I?! HAHAHA. THESE ARE ONE OF THE MAIN THINGS I COLLECT! My door was COVERED from top to bottom in stickers growing up and it was my prized possession because it was my sticker collection. I put every sticker I had on that door. So when we moved. . .I had my parents take the fucking door with us. . .It’s literally outside of my old room in the basement at my parents house. The entire fucking door with all those stickers on it. HAHA. Know what I miss? Bowling alley stickers. UGH. The ONE AND ONLY THING my father used to do with me as a kid was bring me to the bowling alley and I would ALWAYS get stickers. And those bowling alley french fries were my favourite things on the entire planet and I haven’t had them since I was a kid and I would literally fucking kill a man to taste those again. . .but the bowling alley that I was in when I was a little kid back in the 90′s where I got all those stickers and got the most amazing french fries in the entire world burned down before we moved. :/ And yes I also collect stationary. I have a ridiculous amount of stationary. Hah.

9. What’s your aesthetic?

I have way too many aesthetics. Yeesh. . .Uhhhhhh. . .lessee.

Okay, I’m gonna stop, but DEAR GOD THAT WAS THE MOST FUN I HAVE EVER HAD ANSWERING A QUESTION AND I HONEST-TO-GOD THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE ANNOYING!

Also, that last picture. . .I saved it to my computer from someone. I don’t know the credit to the photographer. If someone can find the credit, tell me and I will add it in. It’s from one of the autumn blogs I follow. But that photograph evoked so much emotion in me and I have *never* had to stop and stare at a photograph for so long. That photograph would be something I would like to buy and hang as an original print in my house. That is something I could not help but save because it is my *EXACT*.... Idk how to explain. Every single thing about that picture evokes pure happiness in me. That time of day when the sun is going down and lighting is bathing you in that little bit of warm orange Halloween themed glow as it starts to get freezing at night. . .you can literally see how nice and cool and crisp the air is and how absolutely perfect the weather is. . .how the leaves are falling and crunchy. . .It’s perfect because it’s not in a forest so you’re not trapped in nature, but there are trees everywhere and there is that nice brick layout. . .what looks like shops or a campus of some sort. . .benches, a place to sit with your love [Tiffy, oh my GOD]...those street lamps are very literally perfect. . .the shade is wonderful. . .I cannot even begin to explain the emotion of happiness this evokes. I cannot explain it in any other word. Joy does not fit. Euphoria does not fit. It’s literally “Happiness”. That is what this picture is. “Happiness”. Bring me into that picture and I would feel full and gleeful and warm and filled to the brim with energy and contentedness and I would be able to forget all of my worries and all of my stress would melt away and all of my responsibilities would either fall to the wayside or just not seem so daunting or urgent anymore. . .time would slow down. . .my body would feel lighter and healthier. . .my mind would be clearer. . .That is basically what I need to be happy.

10. Do you wear dresses, and skirts?

No, I do not. I used to enjoy wearing them and I still like the idea of wearing them, but now every time I put one on, it feels horribly dysphoric and hurts me. I’m sure when I fully transition, I will feel a lot more comfortable wearing both.

11. What is your hair like?

Uhhh. . .blonde with white streaks in it now (just bleached it today and put white toner in the bleach). It’s incredibly soft and fluffy. Obviously more brittle than someone who has never used product on their hair ever, but for someone who has been bleaching their hair every few months and dyeing their hair practically every month since they were 13 (and are now 26)? My hair is stupid soft and fluffy. Imagine a soft, fluffy cat. . .just. . .a giant furry ball of cat. . .Pet that. . .you have my hair. And, also yes, that is an invitation to pet me. I absolutely love being pet.

12. Does time go by fast or slow to you?

Usually slow.

13. What time do you go to bed? What time do you wake up?

On the rare occasion that I go to sleep at all, I end up sleeping around 2-4am. And honestly anywhere from 6am-10am is a fair time for me to wake up, but that’s gonna have to stop coz classes are starting in 2 DAYS GAH!!!! And my first class starts at 11am, which means I gotta be up and ready by 10, at least, on my first few weeks! GAH.

14. Favorite sweet food?

Is this even a question??? Chocolate, of course! Every kind of chocolate! I’m not too fond of white chocolate, which is ironic, because white chocolate used to be my favourite kind growing up. Now dark chocolate is my favourite and I used to absolutely hate dark chocolate growing up.

15. Tea, coffee, or hot cocoa?

Tea! Specifically, green tea! I love citrus infused green tea, but I’ll take any sort of green tea. :)

16. Space, Ocean, City, or Forest?

[Answered.]

17. Favorite game as a child?

I, uh. . .well, Pokemon Stadium was one. Then there was, uh. . .Trivial Pursuit was my favourite board game. And then my friends and I played a really fucking weird game when we were really young. We had a bunch of McDonald’s plastic toys (like. . the food and drinks) and we had a pool at my house with a jacuzzi that had a waterfall. One of us would stay up in the jacuzzi and hold ourselves up with our arms over the waterfall (which was hard to do because we were so young and so short) and then the others of us would get on one of those floaty mat things and we would go through the “drive thru” and “order” and it would be like.... adulting and we’d pay with plastic money. LMAO. And then there was uh. . .being dogs. There is that mush stuff from Oliver & Company, yeah? This stuff?

Well, it just looked SO GODDAMN DELICIOUS when he ate it all the fucking time that we decided to make our own. We made ours out of yogurt and put chocolate chips in it. It was SO fucking good!!! And we would put yourselves in a cage and put our yogurt with chocolate chips in a bowl and eat it like that.

And then there was the game when I had two trampolines but one trampoline was falling apart and had half of it undone because the springs were broken. We asked my parents to keep it up. We were still little here, too. We pulled the trampolines together with a small gap between them and we would pretend to be lions from The Lion King and The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride and we would have to jump back and forth on all fours while chasing each other. SURPRISINGLY. . .no one ever got hurt. Idk how the fuck we managed that. I guess we were all pretty adept at trampolines since we were on them literally every single day.

There was also the bike riding game where we pretended we were secret agents chasing down a bad guy. One of us would play the bad guy and the others would play the FBI agents.

There were a LOT. . .lmao. I wish I could remember the one that my next door neighbour and I used to play where we would go through all the really jungle-esque parts of the yard and explore and act like we were tour guides or something. I don’t remember what that one was about, but it involved climbing trees and I cannot tell you how many times I have had the wind knocked out of me from falling out of the super tall tree in the front yard of the house I grew up in. Getting the wind knocked out of you is the worst fucking feeling in the entire world. I wonder if that’s what bronchospasms feel like. I wonder if getting the wind knocked out of you *IS* a bronchospasm. Yikes.

18. Comfort book?

1984 by George OrwellDivergent by Veronica RothThe Monument 14 series by Emmy LaybourneCarve The Mark by Veronica RothThe Quarantine series by Lex Thomasand finally, my all-time favourite and my #1 go-to:Blind Evil by Eric Praschan 😍😍😍😍😍😻😻😻😻😻

19. Princess, Fairy, Mermaid, or Unicorn?

[Answered.]

20. Do you fall in love easily?

Not particularly, no. I fall in lust easily. Not in a sexual way. . .but in a romantic lust way. Like a “Damn, I wish I could just date that girl for fun for a very short while or bring her home with me and cuddle and watch movies all night and talk until the sun comes up and kiss each other a few times and get to know each other and trace each other’s collar bones and gaze into each other’s eyes and talk about super deep stuff and then kiss deeply and passionately in the morning and watch the sunrise together and go out for a romantic breakfast together . .and then just never see each other again after it’s over.” A romantic one-night stand basically. That’s what I’m in the market for. Lol. Except. . .everyone wants sexual one-night stands. Ugh. Lol.

21. Favorite word?

Echo.

22. Describe your life in 3 words.

Chaotic, Impulsive, Passionate.

23. Do you dance? Slow dance?

Slow dance? God, no. Do I dance? I have taken so many dance lessons, it’s ridiculous. Tap dance, Irish step dance, jazz, ballet. . .I want to take modern precision dance classes, but I can’t overwork myself until a PT clears me. And I’m also at that inbetween stage where I’m not fat enough to join an overweight dance class so I get rejected from those and I’m not skinny enough to join a normal dance class, so I get rejected from those, too. So I don’t have any classes I can go to. :|

24. Do you wear fake nails, or paint your nails?

Both, actually! My nails are painted right now, but it’s coming off. Took me absolutely forever to paint them. Gosh. I love wearing fakes, too, but they never fucking stay on unless I get them done at a salon, which I have only done twice in my life. And, frankly, I fucking LOVE getting manicures!! I LOVE getting acrylics! I LOVE getting long, sparkly, glittery, rounded claws! I mean, for fucks sake, did you see my last mani??? Fuck, lemme find it. It was GORGEOUS.

UH YESSSS! Not to mention, whenever I get a mani and have gel acrylics on, I don’t rip my fucking nails down past where my finger tip is so that it starts gushing blood like I normally do. And I don’t start ripping off hang nails left and right or picking at the skin between the nail and the finger on the side and intentionally ripping bits of flesh off and making myself bleed and ripping my finger raw. It’s awful and it hurts SOOOOO much and it’s terribly embarrassing to start randomly gushing blood in public and have to find something to try to make it stop as quickly as you can. Lol.

25. Has anyone ever confessed to you?

If you haven’t had at least ONE (1) PERSON CONFESS TO YOU BY NOW, I’m gonna assume you’re a fucking 5 year old. Like jesus christ. How is this even a question. Haha. Everyone has people that confess to them. Easily. Every. One. There is not a soul on tumblr that can honestly say “no” to this question. Not a single person. My number? I stopped counting years ago because it was getting ridiculously high both online and irl. Couldn’t do it anymore. I have no idea how many people have confessed by now, tbh.

26. Do you lie?

The second a cop puts his lights on behind me, I go right into acting mode. I will lie to *ANY* authority figure, but cops are the one special party that get singled out for me to lie to no matter what situation we are in. Fucking pricks. If you know me, then you know I have a problem with being too honest, though. Like, *wayyyyy* too honest. Honest to a horrible fault. So for me to lie to people is *extremely hard*. But I do it to authority figures because they deserve it. Especially cops. If I am genuinely at fault and the thing I did was bad and another person or animal would suffer at my expense if I were to not be honest, then I will just be my normal self. But if it’s ANY other situation with an authority figure, the fake, lying Killian will come out to play.

27. What makes you smile?

A lot of things. Tiffy makes me smile, Echo makes me smile nonstop, dogs make me smile, very specific comedy shoes make me smile, friends make me smile, people who show they care about me genuinely make me smile, getting hit on makes me smile, being invited places makes me smile, getting to go out and do things makes me smile, getting an A on a test makes me smile, getting good achievements that I’m proud of make me smile, being in the middle of the ocean makes me smile, WINTER makes me smile, cold weather makes me smile, Christmas makes me smile, the atmosphere of Fall around Halloween makes me smile, having BIG get togethers with a ton of mutual friends makes me smile, going on road trips with people makes me smile, movie dates with friends makes me smile, having people treat me as if I were legitimately their sibling by blood makes me smile, foxes make me smile, animals in general make me smile. . .I could go on for quite a while.

28. Have you ever cried in a book or movie?

[Answered.]

29. When and who was your first crush?

I honestly have absolutely no idea and no point of reference to even attempt to think back on it to really try to figure it out. I have no idea what period of my life my first crush came about. . .I have no idea how old I was. . .I have no idea if I recognized them as a crush or not. . .So many questions that I can’t answer, honestly. I haven’t a clue. Don’t get me wrong, I’d really like to know because now I’m curious, but I have absolutely no recollection of most of my crushes, nevertheless my very first one. I’m 26. I’m old. You can’t expect me to remember that far back, yeah? Lolololol.

30. Marriage or kids?

OH DEAR GOD PLEASE NOOOOOOOO. I WOULD RATHER BE EATEN ALIVE BY ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.

I mean, marriage. . .the only person I’d ever consider marriage to would be you, Tiffy. That’s it. I see marriage as a trap and a lifelong ball and chain that I don’t EVER want to be caught in. I want to be married to my career in medicine. Any kind of marriage (or relationship) I would have in life would hold me back from my studies. I don’t think I’m really going to be getting romantically involved with anyone else because of how much that will interfere with my career, which is my priority in life. Hell, I’m not even going to be having any more pets after Echo is gone because it would be animal abuse for me, as a trauma surgeon or any kind of surgeon or even as an ER doctor, to live with friends/roommates and own a dog and never be there to take care of it. That’s cruelty to animals. Neglect that is bad enough to be abuse. And since I would only be in the market for adopting spitz dogs, they all need to be hyper-active and need constant affection and constant love or they will end up so stressed that they will chew through your fucking wall. They say pomeranians are good apartment dogs, well, uh. . .yeah, they’re great, but only if you’re there to give them enough attention and take them on walks and let the out to roam all the time and keep them entertained. Like any spitz dog.

As for kids? BRUHHHHHHHH. GOD NO I WOULD RATHER BE FUCKING IMPALED IN BOTH EYES THAN BE FORCED TO HAVE KIDS (which is the *ONLY* way I would ever own any). I would be the absolute worst father imaginable and as a boy who grew up in a neglectful and emotionally/mentally/verbally/physically abusive household, I would NEVER want to put that on any kid. I wouldn’t be purposefully abusive, but I sure as hell would be purposefully neglectful. I can *GUESS* that I would probably end up being accidentally verbally and mentally/emotionally abusive, as well, since I am an Aquarius and because I was raised with the values of not showing any sort of emotion ever. I speak in a monotone and I rarely show any emotion in my expressions and I try not to put any emotion in my verbal inflections. That’s not exactly great for a kid. And since I would absolutely hate and despise the thing every time I saw it, I probably WOULD have some negative inflection in my voice and they would probably pick up on the fact I only put emotion into my voice when talking to them. And that it’s all negative when I talk to them. I would brush off their problems as minor and act like their existence didn’t matter to me and I would treat them like the burden they would be.

Because kids would legitimately put my life on hold. And, I’m not sorry at all when I say FUCK THAT. I love my life and I love living for me and my friends and my dog. I love getting to live my life MOSTLY for me and I love being able to put myself first whenever I want (other than the fact that my dog comes first no matter what, but that is something I quite love doing because he is my fluffy baby and he is my #1 bae and he is my priority of all priorities) and I quite enjoy being able to take “me” days and being able to travel and move whenever I want. I enjoy having my finances be MY OWN and not having to waste them on some fucking moocher. And, frankly, to have the responsibility of having to financially support a human being for 18 years and probably more than that nowadays is VERY unappealing and makes me panic because, hell, if I struggle to provide for myself and usually only have a year or so inbetween those years of struggling where it’s okay for me financially. . .how the FUCK am I expected to buy MORE things??? All these bitches in my age group are having kids and they make either as much or LESS than me. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?! The answer to “When is the right time to have a baby?” is “When you KNOW with absolute certainty that you can fucking afford it, you morons.” It’s one thing if a mother accidentally gets knocked up and is blocked from aborting it for some reason (not by religion or whatever, coz that’s just irresponsible and immature, but like. . .by the law, by health reasons, by personal safety reasons, by financial reasons, etc. . .), then alright, I see why you’re having a kid at my age when you most definitely cannot afford the thing. But as for the rest of them? Fuck these irresponsible bitches. Good god.

Not to mention, I am 200% against breeders and spawning in general, because it’s just not environmentally friendly at all. And I hate breeders with a passion because there’s absolutely no reason to bring children into a world that is riddled by an overpopulation issue when there’s PLENTY of children in literal NEED of homes EVERYWHERE. It fucking kills me to see people breeding and spawning. Absolutely fucking kills me with how selfish people can be.

I also just wish the entirety of the human race would die out, so it’d also be nice if everyone could just uh. . .go infertile or something, but y’know. . .that’s wishful thinking that will probably never happen. Lol.

But dear god if I ever am forced into having kids, I seriously feel very sorry for the kid and it would be in the kids best interest for me to give it up the second it’s alive. I’mma pass that thing off to the nearest orphanage and make sure that someone who WANTS it and who can actually provide for it and actually love it gets it instead of me who would make its life hell and be a horrible father. I would want the thing to have a good life. I want all kids to have good lives. We need them to grow up into good people. They’re our future. Not to mention, human beings in general just deserve to have good lives, kids included. But uh. . .I know my own personal limits, I know my own personal faults, I know my own personal prejudices and biases. I would never knowingly harm another with them by forcing someone to live at the expense of my faults and my limits and my prejudices and biases. Never. I’m a very self-aware person and I’ll be damned if I don’t use that to everyone’s advantage. People who are not self-aware really piss me off because it’s like my god you’re HOW old and you still haven’t learned how to, y’know, read yourself? Grow the fuck up. Jesus christ. But. . .I mean. . .anyways. . .

Dear GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. KILL ME BEFORE YOU MAKE ME DO EITHER OF THESE THINGS. JUST PUT ME DOWN, GODDAMNIT.

31. Are you superstitious?

[Answered.]

32. Who’s your 3 am thought?

Usually it is Tiffy. If it is someone else, then Tiffy is always included. Also, Echo is always included, too. And sometimes my mom. I know this is supposed to be sexual or romantic or something and have some sort of implied “wink wink” meaning, but it doesn’t for me. Nothing ever does. It’s all straight, pragmatic, scientific fact for me. This is, too. It’s just the way it is. Usually always Tiffy and Echo, sometimes exes, sometimes people I’m missing, sometimes my mom. . .recently my grandparents a lot because, y’know, they are dying. Idk.

33. Do you like candy? What’s your favorite candy?

[Answered.]

34. Favorite holiday?

Christmas!!! Hands down! If anyone is reading this and is surprised by this answer or just didn’t know this, then WOW you have never actually met me and you JUST followed me and came upon my blog for the very first time, didn’t’cha? HAHA. YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA HOW PASSIONATE I AM ABOUT CHRISTMAS. DO YOU ALL KNOW HOW MANY YEAR ROUND CHRISTMAS BLOGS I FOLLOW JUST SO I CAN KEEP MY SEASONAL DEPRESSION AT BAY DURING THE SUMMER AND FORCE MYSELF TO THINK OF MY HAPPIEST SEASON WHERE I JUST LITERALLY CANNOT BE UNHAPPY: WINTER AND THE HOLIDAY OF CHRISTMAS! You watch, now. You’ll start to notice that I post Christmas things and winter things year round.

35. Favorite season?

Just kinda answered that, uh. . .if you didn’t catch that, it’s hands down WINTER!

36. Cat or dog person?

Dog. I enjoy cats and a lot of people who meet me for the first time see my tattoos which are ALL cat based except for my wrist tattoo and think I’m a cat person and would never be a dog person, but uh. . . HAHA. SURPRISE! DO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW DOG-OBSESSED I HAVE BEEN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE!? PFFFT. I really don’t know why all of my tattoos have been cat-based so far. I know why my half sleeve is rainbow leopard print. . .but everything else could have been done with foxes, which are my favourite animals, or pomeranians or dogs in general or anything else. But, no, they all ended up being cats. Fucking weird lmao. Especially since I am SO hyper-obsessed with dogs.

37. Are you quiet or loud?

Both, it just depends on what I’m talking about and/or what I’m doing, honestly. I guess I would say I’m generally more quiet than loud, but I definitely do have my loud moments. When I’m talking about things I’m passionate about or when I’m laughing, I’m generally being very loud. I don’t seem to know how to laugh quietly anymore which is odd because in the past, my entire life, I have done nothing but be quiet as a mouse in order to avoid being yelled at and hit and beat and locked up by my parents. NOW. . .I am loud as fuck when I laugh and I can’t seem to tone it down. It’s awful. Lol. And uh. . .when someone tries to talk over me or when someone tries to cut me off or when people are ignoring me. . .I tend to talk REALLY LOUDLY. Like, I will not stand for being ignored and not listened to. I just won’t. I will FORCE myself to be the center of attention, even if I am in a large group. Does not fucking matter how loud and rambunctious I need to get. It’s harder now that I have physical issues now. . .with fibro and ehlers danlos. I don’t have the relentless, stubborn energy I used to have. . .but,. . .I try. I try very hard to act like my normal self and force myself into being the center of attention when people are ignoring me to make sure everyone knows they cannot ignore me even though I just don’t have enough energy anymore. But overall? I’d say I’m quiet. I’m someone who I can be walking and you won’t even hear me come up behind you or enter a room. When I’m at home, I tend to be quiet and monotone. That’s generally where I am most comfortable. Raising my voice for no reason is just. . .uh. . .??? I don’t see a logical point in straining my vocal cords for no reason. Haha.

38. Favorite time period? (80′s, 60′s, etc.)

[Answered.]

39. Favorite fashion fad that went away?

[Answered.]

40. The best dream/ worst nightmare you’ve ever had?

Honestly, I cannot remember either one.

My worst nightmares always involve Echo dying. I know that much. Because that’s literally the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I don’t know what my best dreams involve. Uh. . .no clue.

41. Worst fear as a kid? 

Getting an F, being fearful of what is *in* the dark (not being scared of the dark itself like most people, but being scared of what lurks in the dark), spiders, my mom dying, being disowned, and the paranormal are the things I remember being the most prominent.

44. Do you flirt?

Absolutely! But only to people I find attractive and mentally stimulating.

45. What’s your style?

I love being more casual professional than anything, but I don’t really have the money to get the style I want. Nor do I live in the climate where I can layer. Fuck the LA heat. My winter fashion game is so on point, but literally FUCK everything about summer, but the fashion is the absolute worst. Like, you may as well just not wear anything since wearing even a loose piece of fabric over your body will result in you dying of heat stroke. Oh, you may as well rip all of your skin off, too. Coz that will give you heat stroke, too. But, er, casual professional is my preferred style. I also like professional, too. Can I afford either? Absolutely not. What do I normally wear? Just generally fashionable things that lean a little more towards punk, unfortunately. I definitely hate it and my style is holding me back. Well. . .my finances are holding me back more than anything. I don’t have the finances to get the style that will help me succeed in life, so I’m stuck looking like a little fucking KID. It’s awful. I hate being poor so goddamn much. Sigh. Always have, always will.

46. Do you blush?

[Answered.]

47. Do you feel everything, nothing, or you don’t know what to feel?

I have borderline personality disorder. People with borderline personality disorder almost never experience the latter two because they’re always busy experiencing everything. . .but never at once. We experience one solid thing with such extreme passion that it’s just. . . Idk how to explain. People with BPD are at 100% all the time. There is never a 0% down time or a 50/50 time, like people with bipolar get. It is always 100% this or 100% that, so on and so forth. Our mood swings don’t consist of hot and cold. They consist of boiling and boiling. . .just boiling two different liquids, basically. Nothing we experience is without passion. And nothing we experience is at less than 100% or coinciding with any other emotion. If we are happy, then we are euphoric. If we are sad, then we are suicidal. If we are angry, we get borderline homicidal. But none of those are ever experienced at the same time, ya feel? So the answer to this question is a tough one for people with borderline because we actually don’t fall under any of those three categories. We experience a passionate one single thing and then have severe mood swings to a passionate form of something else that could be similar or totally opposite. You just never know. WE never know. Having borderline is a fucking curse and that’s only the bare basics of it. Borderline is basically having the most extreme form of passion you could ever have. And, like they say, too much of anything isn’t good for you. Our passion is so intensely felt that it basically destroys our lives because having BPD also means that you are insatiably impulsive and that any impulsive and intrusive thought you get, you usually act on. And those impulses always coincide with the current passion thing we are feeling. And, no, there’s *never* a time where we are *not* feeling a passionate thing. It’s always 100 to 100. Never 50/50 or 0. That passion and impulsivity is the most destructive thing ever. And it gets seen as a great thing by the naked eye. I can’t tell you how many people who get to know me first say “Oh my god, I wish I were like you...You’re so spontaneous and carefree and you are just overflowing with passion for life. I would do anything to have those traits!” They don’t have any idea that, in normal people, those are great things. In borderline people, those are destructive traits that you can never turn off and are more exaggerated than most people’s traits and those traits tend to be the two main things that very literally destroy our lives and the lives of those involved in our lives. . .ripping our lives to shreds piece by piece.

48. Are you a crier? Do you smile?

Both, yes. To a horribly passionate extent. I’m either bawling and pulling my hair out and on the verge of dying. . .or I’m laughing so loudly that I will end up seal laughing.

49. First love?

I wish I remembered, but I do not. If we are talking people. If not, then I fell in love with animals, veterinary medicine, and writing/drawing before I fell in love with anything else in life. Those were my first passions in life and what I wanted to do with my life when I became an adult.

50. Last love?

I guess that award would have to go to Tiffy since I love her right now and she is the *only* one that I am in love with right now. If we aren’t talking about people, then it would be Echo and human medicine. My passions lie there and think they will end there for the rest of my life until I die, too.

Oh my god. I think I did it. . .Did I do it?? It’s literally been over 2 days that I’ve had this tab open working on this off and on between other things. 

I DID IT!! FUCKING RIGHT! I ANSWERED ALL 50 QUESTIONS! GO, KILLIAN, GO! :D GOOD JOB, SELF!

Yeesh, that took a while. I really enjoyed doing this, though. That was fun!

...never begging for more questions on a questionnaire as long as that when Tiffy is around. I guess you could say Killian learned his lesson. . .

I love you, though. Thank you for this!! This made me smile. And was a lot of fun to fill out. I’m SO DONE NOW THOUGH YEET