#there might be one more fic but it'll be tumblr only and it truly will be my last post

[eoinmcgonigal]

A list of my published SAS:RH fics

just sort of tidying up i guess idk

Paddy Mayne/Eoin McGonigal

Melody - T, 1.4k pre-canon falling in love

Refrain - M, 10k [UNFINISHED] post-canon, resurrection, Eoin & Jock are alive again

Beat - T, 1k post-canon, chronic pain Paddy, hurt/comfort

Diminished - T, 4k canon era, memory loss, reunions

Fermata - T, 1k afterlife, death, reunion

Jig - G, 0.6k modern au, halloween decorating

Transposition - E, 1.7k canon setting, weird physiology/creatures au, knotting .

Johnny Cooper/Bill Fraser

A Shortcut vs. the Long Way Round - T, 0.5k modern au, a shortcut through a graveyard

Alien Readings - T, 0.4k modern au, Bill's book reading isn't what it's supposed to be

Death's Embrace - M, 0.4k canon era, he is dead, but still with him

The Perfect Pumpkin - T, 1.4k modern au, Bill surrenders the perfect pumpkin to a stranger

One Day - T, 0.4k modern au, a cosy weekend away in a cabin

What If? - T, 2.1k modern au, they meet a few years after high school, while Bill is having a bad day

Horrifying Choice - T, 0.4 modern au, they try to pick a movie for a date night

Naebody Wauks - T, 1.8k modern au, no one's warned the newcomer to the community not to walk the brae at night

Vampires Don't Exist - T, 0.3k modern au, Johnny tries to tell Bill what he is

Not Scared of Spiders - T, 0.3k modern au, there's a spider in the bathroom

This Tender, Perfect Place - M, 0.7k modern au, vampire!Johnny bites Bill in bed (same au as Vampires Don't Exist)

Shattered and Frozen - T, 1.3k modern au, Johnny is having a bad day, a stranger is kind

To Hear Things Unspoken - T, 5k canon au, Bill ends up able to hear everyone's thoughts

We Were Here - T, 1.5k modern au, as they explore an abandoned building, Bill remembers something from another life

Unnatural Sounds - T, 0.5k modern au, Johnny thinks the kitchen is haunted .

Johnny Cooper/Reg Seekings

Warm Relief - E, 0.9k modern au, watersports

Getting Lucky - E, 1.9k any au/postwar au, glory holes, first meetings

Fistful of Heaven - E, 1.7k modern au, fisting, aftercare

Choking on You - E, 0.6k canon au, undernegotiated kink, asphyxiation, no aftercare

The Shallow Deep Sea - E, 2.6k canon au, sentient creatures, tentacle sex, pre-relationship

I'll Give Anything but I Won't Give Up - E, 1.4k canon au, aftercare, sequel to Choking on You

Me, Inside You; You, Inside Me - E, 1.2k modern au, developing relationship, object insertion

Toe to Toe - E, 2.8k canon era, foot fetish, foot jobs, pre-relationship

In a Heartbeat - E, 1.8k canon era, crushes, bad flirting, oblivious Reg, frottage

Girly Show - E, 2.3k modern au, camboy!johnny, feminisation, masturbation

Taste You - M, 0.3k canon era, smoking, shotgunning .

I only wrote one fic for these pairings

Gen/No Pairing - SAS: Rogue Ghosts - T, 1.3k [UNFINISHED] BBC ghosts crossover, post-canon, everybody lives

Johnny Cooper/Eoin McGonigal - Shelter in the Shade - T, 2k canon era, flirting, first kiss

Eve Mansour/Eoin McGonigal - Welcome Command - E, 1.9k canon era, fuck buddies, riding crops

Eve Mansour/Paddy Mayne - A Place of Worship - E, 1.6k canon era, sequel to Welcome Command/same AU, oral sex

Johnny Cooper/himself - Sound Performance - E, 0.9k modern au, camboy!johnny, sounding

Pat Riley/anonymous - A Satisfying Place to Be - E, 0.9k any au, glory holes, blow jobs

Bill Fraser/Mike Sadler - "Can you feel it?" - E, 1.1k any au, fisting, aftercare

Mike Sadler/David Stirling - A Better Use - E, 0.9k canon era, face-sitting

Jim Almonds/Johnny Cooper - A Loser's Victory - E, 1.9k modern au, gym au, secret crush, spanking

Paddy Mayne/Mike Sadler - Sharp Change - M, 1.3k canon au, piercing .

My AO3 i haven't included the kiss/touch/fuck ficlets, but you can find them here: #ktf prompts

[mayasaurusss]

hi hi, its the anon from earlier <3

I wanted to clarify that I don't want to pressure you to keep writing for YJ when you don't want to, I just meant in terms of deleting your account!

I often re-read blurbs and fics for characters I like because they help me calm down during my paranoia and anxiety episodes (which suck)

That said, I think your writing is amazing!! Its also important to remember that if you think a certain piece of writing is bad, your mind is probably over exaggerating because we're often more critical of our own work than others <3 (just a healthy reminder to help you stay confident and not be too harsh on yourself :))

Sorry if I sounded kind of demanding before, I had just seen that one of my (more recently created) favorite tumblr accounts, stagnat, had deactivated their/his account which caused me to panic a little bit (a lot)

I don't know why the YJ fandom has gotten so toxic recently, it feels like in the past month or so everything has just been going wrong 😭

Again, I really really enjoy your writing, but I am 100% fine if you feel like you need to step back or take a break from tumblr for your health :)

You are so kind and nice that it's actually making my heart hurt😭❤️I'll definelty read this whenever I'll feel down about my writing😊😊.

So if that's the concer, know that every account I've ever had is or has been up to read for others. I had a wattpad account which I abbandoned but I've never deleted it because I know that people might want to reread my fics or oneshots, so don't worry about that!

You might be right. I recently was writing a tmasc Shaun headcanons about dating him during another historic period, but even if it's cute and a pretty long set of headcanons, they came out flat. Like it wasn't Shauna's original character anymore so I kinda scrapped it. It's still in my drafts but until I can actually make something out of it, it'll stay there. Also, every friking time I publish any long oneshot I always fear "Have I wrote well?/Could I offend someone?/Have I made enough research?/Is it ready to be published yet?" and so on. Curse my overstressed mind. But thanks, this helped, I'll try to go easy on myself in the future!!!

Oh don't worry about that, and yeah I saw they deactivated as well and I had just followed them mere days ago. Kinda sad many people are you know, but we don't know why they did it. Dont be sad, they probably are making a new account or are already here!

And yeah, I did saw the toxicity as well. I am not sure why, but sometimes I think that might be 'cause the in real world is crumbling apart and so people are constantly on the edge. You have no idea how many times the past year I've encountered people who were angry and stressed that used others as means to get stress out of their system. I could go on and on about this, but I can only store so much words in one post.

Awwww, damn this is too much for my cold heart. I really thank you for your kind words, truly. And don't worry, I have just been back from a really long pause because of exam season, so I am actually quite happy to be back as well! Who knows, maybe in the month of October (Halloween! Yay!!) you will get a itty bitty more oneshots as usual! Who knows, only time will tell...😊

[averytiredfanfictionwriter]

Where have I been?

Not entirely sure who'll care what I have to say, but I'm gonna say it anyways just like with the Skydoesminecraft situation. I will not be writing for Minecraft youtubers anymore, save for the Hermitcraft community. They seem to be the only ones that I watch that are consistently good creators. Unfortunately, I will not be writing for anything dsmp related, even though I'd stopped a while ago. Trying to write any of the remaining ideas I had concerning Techno is just too painful still, and I don't know if it'll ever stop being painful. And with the allegations that came out against Wilbur and most recently George, I don't feel comfortable engaging with their content/the streamers who are still friends with them. This extends to all of the "dream team" and the band Lovejoy, seeing as they have yet to make a public statement, at least that I'd seen.

All that said, what will my content look like seeing as I haven't posted in at least a year? Well, there's going to be some changes. I've grown out of fandoms, and into new ones in the last year. I got really into the Modern Warfare series and Call of Duty: Ghosts throughout last year, so some of those guys and girls might make an appearance on my page occasionally. Hermitcraft might also make an appearance, with the fics being in the same style as the other hermit fic I'd posted. Outside of that, I can't give an exact list anymore because I haven't felt truly interested in anything. I'd lost the ability to enjoy all the things I used to enjoy as I got further into my depression, and it all culminated in my making a few drastic changes in May of last year. I left my job and got a better paying one working overnights because I would cry going home at just how awful my days were and how poorly treated I'd been for the 4 years I worked there. I made a bunch of new friends online and got into some niche internet drama outside of Tumblr that I might share my side of in the next few months- not to drag up old fights, but to warn people who might be thinking of or currently watch a certain TikTok creator. I'm about to DM my first D&D campaign with some of my new friends and I'm very excited about it because I've spent more than 7 months planning and creating it.

But most importantly, in my time away I realized a lot. I've been dealing with major writers block for more than a year because every time I tried to write I compared myself to the other writers I follow on here. Specifically in the modern warfare community. I had so many ideas for fics, but every time I sat down to write them they wouldn't come out as good as I wanted them, or it wasn't up to the standard that I was trying to meet because I thought that no one would read it if I didn't meet that. Even now, just venting, I'm worried about how many likes and how much engagement this post will get and that's such an awful mentality to have. I used to love writing, and I still do. But I've learned to accept that it's okay to be at a different level of writing than the others on here, and that I shouldn't stop just because my characterization sucks or sometimes the plot is a little rocky. I shouldn't be worried about all of that, because writing fanfiction started as me writing for myself. It all started, way back when I was a young teenager, making a Wattpad account and writing my first fic, which I believe was a purge fanfiction with Skydoesminecraft and the rest of Sky Media. I'm 21 now, and I can definitely say I've improved, but I'm tired of trying to base my improvement on how good everyone else is. I'm tired of being depressed about how other writers make it look so easy to just have these great, cinematic moments in their fics with wonderful lines that stick with you after you finish reading them.

So, back to the question. What will my content look like? It'll look like whatever I want it to look like. I'm going to write for who I want, when I want. If that means posting 20 batman fanfics in a row, and then making a complete 180 to Hermitcraft or Criminal Minds or even House, then so be it. But I'm going to be doing it for me, and not for how many likes and followers a particular character or fandom will get me.

If you read all this, thank you. I really do appreciate everyone who's ever engaged with my stuff on this site, it truly does mean the world to me.

(Also, quick aside. If you're from the HermitCraft fandom and you write weird nsfw with them, for the love of god block me now. I saw a fic where Grian rapes Docm, and I'm never going to be able to unsee it thanks to it not being tagged right. They are all real, grown people with families. What the fuck.)

[momotonescreaming]

20 questions for fic writers

I have been tagged by both @eriquin and @rejectscanon so thank you to you both! I try not to look at my stats much, so it'll be interesting to see

How many works do you have on AO3?

Currently, 20. I just uploaded 3 of my old tumblr ficlets though, so that helped.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

162,556. Which was honestly more than I was expecting.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

The only fandom I actively write for at the moment is Stranger Things. In the past I have written for BNHA, Newsies, Dragon Age, Downton Abbey, and L.A Noire. Quite the random assortment.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Tragically, none are from my current fandom, but what can you do.

put your loving hands on me (BNHA)

ain't got nothing on you (BNHA)

Wandering in the Shade  (BNHA)

The End Was Soon (BNHA)

And There Reigns Love (Newsies)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try my best!! It is easy sometimes, to get overwhelmed when comments come through. How to convey my thanks to everyone for reading and commenting without just sounding like a broken record. In a way that truly conveys my gratitude.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I've written some angsty things before, but I always try to end on something happy or comforting. Nothing super angsty. The closest might be i couldn't utter my love when it counted, my L.A Noire fic, because its a character study of a man who comes home from war and doesn't know how to connect with his family. But even then the ending isn't all that angsty haha.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

A lot of them, to be honest. But I'd have to say where the heart is (Steddie, Stranger Things) because it ends with them admitting they're both in it for the long haul, they're in love, and there's no where else they'd rather be.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not yes!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I've only written smut twice in my life, and both times was kind of an ordeal, but I'm glad I did it. Both were on the soft, sweet, and loving side of things. I do not think I could write anything hardcore. My asexual ass would combust.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't written any! Read a few in my time, because I think they're interesting though.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Once again, not to my knowledge!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope! I've co-written some original work with a friend back when I was a uni, but not fanfic.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Oh god, this is a tough question. Fenris/Hawke from Dragon Age will always hold a very special place in my heart; though Steve/Eddie from Stranger Things has gotten me into fandom and fic writing like nothing else.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

There are two WIP's on my Ao3 right now, both from BNHA and I have accepted the fact that I am never going to finish them. I'm not in that fandom anymore, and I doubt I'll go back.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I've had people mention my characterisation before, which was incredibly flattering. So I'm saying that haha because I can't come up with anything on my own.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Oh, there's a lot of them. Dialogue, being an easy cop out answer. Motivation, writing speed, getting far too in my head about what I'm writing and psyching myself out.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've never done it! So I don't know how much weight my comment is going to hold but I will say this - be careful your translations are as correct as they can be and don't overload a fic with it if the phrases said aren't easily understood by context or have an easy translation in the notes. Constant flicking between fic and google translate is no fun.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

The first fandom I wrote for was on Fanfiction.Net, and it was Glee. Unfortunately. I wrote something, posted it, got embarrassed, and then eventually deleted it. So I have no idea where what I was writing has ended up.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

My favourite would have to be where the heart is (Steddie, Stranger Things), because it was a total labour of love. I wrote it slowly over a period of months, and it means a lot to me.

my no pressure tags: @unclewaynemunson @findafight @farahsamboolents @shares-a-vest @augustjustice

[hierarchyproblem]

1, 2, 19 for book asks

1. book you’ve reread the most times?

I don't really tend to reread books tbh. There's so many other books I wanna read that I'd get more out of than a second go at something I already remember, y'know? That said, I have read the bible cover-to-cover four times. Normal behaviour.

2. top 5 books of all time?

Aw fuck. I dunno. I'll assume "books" here means "novels" and I'll list five of my top books of all time:

The Dispossessed, by Ursula K Le Guin. I need not labour the piont here 'cause I know you've read it, so I'll simply say that Le Guin is possibly my favourite writer of all time, and this is her at her best.

Ubik, by Philip K Dick. This book gets weirder by the page. PKD loves poking at the nature of reality, and this is the exemplar. A lot of his output reads as surprisingly adventurous work to come from a 60s sci-fi guy, and this is among his most interesting. Several carefully-crafted "wait - oh, shit" moments in a deliberately-contradictory narrative. Head-spinning stuff.

The Fifth Season, by N K Jemisin. A lot of SFF is, like, fun, and that's cool; I like to read that stuff too. This is art, no two ways about it, and of a kind I'm not sure you could easily translate into a different genre or medium. Bold and nuanced exploration both of the apocalypse and of parenthood. Also rocks are magic, and magic is rocks. When people ask me to recommend a book, this is my go-to.

Version Control, by Dexter Palmer. This is pretty lit-ficcy compared with my usual intake (ie. genre fiction that wears it's genre-ness like a tiara). If an act 1 full of normies having brunch doesn't put you off - and it shouldn't, because the characters are extremely well-drawn - then it'll be very satisfying when all the little bits of wrong-ness come together. Also far more prescient as near-future spec-fic than any cyberpunk.

The Traitor Baru Cormorant, by Seth Dickinson. Unlike most in the tumblr-popular "SFF imperialism but with lesbians" genre, this one sketches out an imperialism that's mostly plausible and worth exploring. The worldbuilding is really very good. This is mostly a pretty light read, for all it deals in heavy themes. I basically don't believe that spoilers diminish one's enjoyment of a story, though that might just be me, so I still think it's worth reading despite your having looked up the ending on wikipedia. The rapid series of increasingly-punishing gut punches in the final few chapters is worth experiencing first-hand.

19. most disliked popular books?

I'm sure I've bitched about this to you before, but I thought Harrow the Ninth mostly sucked. I respect the ambition of the book's structure, but I felt that it fucked the pacing unbearably. Gideon is way more interesting to read about than anyone else in these books, and I might have felt better about being dragged through 400 pages of Harrow moping by having "you're gonna find out what happened with Gideon soon, I swear!" dangled in front of me like a carrot for a donkey, if the payoff was worth it. Unfortunately the denouement largely consisted of everybody standing there and stating out loud what their master plans were, I guess because the stupid B-plot where I'm somehow expected to care about Ortis at all(??) took up too much space so there was none left for a proper ending. There were some fantastic scenes, but in my opinion they couldn't save the book. I thought Gideon was truly excellent, so this was a bit of a let-down.

Also - if you'll allow me a brief tangential rant - I can only assume the publisher (correctly) decided that the meme references were highly marketable, because otherwise an editor that let that shit through should surely have been let go. It's baffling, because these books are frequently hilarious, but never when referencing Bone Hurting Juice or whatever the fuck. "Oh it's a worldbuilding thing, it shows that John-" no. It's stupid. Piss off.

Thanks for the questions!

[bysaber]

ummmm HIYAAAAA, is this SABER??? im jkkk , im so loving the new theme, im like vibing with it so hard you have no idea. the colours really compliment each other. im like so so so so sorry I haven't been in touch, I had so many ASSignments to do that my screen time became a mere hour and that was like catching up with my family. but lemme just say I just read/reread every single ficmas post today and mmmmh with a little cup of tea ( I kept going back for more bc your fics are so comfy to me) by my side it totally soothed me. and I just wanna say if anyones disappointed in you for dropping something that made you feel stressed and anxious , TRUST!!! , they can come fight me anytime of the day bc im DOWNNN. im so happy and honestly proud of the 15 days you accomplished because when I say that they were all beautifully written like , im NOT LYING and I could never, I have so many ideas in my head but honestly scared to even write a single paragraph and publish it bc I am my own biggest hater and critic. anyways I don't mean to put the spotlight on me but rather show you that im not just saying this for the sake of saying but I truly do mean it. Also Im not really accustomed to work without holiday since I haven't begun working yet but isn't Christmas like a worldwide holiday, and they still didn't give you a holiday???

also I just realised I never really introduced myself, i have like this thing where I never interact with my blog because it doesn't have much reblogs or works bc im like one of those kids who got introduced to the concept of the internet at like their late teen years so it took me a while to figure out how this app works or any app for that matter (yeah so like opposite of an iPad baby, we exist! ) so I think ppl might find me suspicious.. idk there's something wrong with the way I think haha.

but I totally would LOVVEEE to be mutuals with you, if you'd like the same.

this must be so much to read, sorry I went a lil overboard but yeah all in all, cant wait for all of your future upcoming pics which I know will blow my mind again and again and again. ( also I don't want this to seem like im putting pressure on you to release fics faster GOD NO, I just mean like I could wait an eternity if it means I could read your work!)

so wish you the ultimate best, saber, I hope everything is well in your life both personal and work and if not, I hope it all turns out to be fine and all in your favour. >>>>>3333

HIYAAA BOO <3

First of all, you don't need to apologize for disappearing! Life is a pain in the ass sometimes and we can't dive into our fantasy world (tumblr), I TOTALLY GET IT!!! But I hope everything worked out for you and that now you have time to enjoy some free time!!!

(more under the cut)

My old theme was getting on my NERVES, I wasn't satisfied (hehe) with it but I'm really happy with this one. And I brought the true Saber to life. I'm glad you liked it <3 it'll probably stick around.

IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY THAT MY FICS MAKE YOU FEEL THIS WAY!!!!!! It's enough to make me want to keep writing because knowing one person appreciates what I write already makes everything worth it. I would LOVE to know who you are and become mutuals, and it's fine if your blog isn't filled with things.

At some point, I also was a "ghost" tumblr user.

Like, for years.

I guess I've been here since the SuperWhoLock era but only started interacting in the past three years -- then decided to create a new account and start again. I've been reading/writing fanfic as far as I can remember, but that was in my mother language and I had to gather so much courage to try it in english. But I'm happy I did. And I would love to hear your ideas and maybe see what you can write <3 it's never too late.

I'm with a few fics ideas including a series and I'm really looking forward to write them all, I hope you like them when the time comes!! And don't worry, I don't feel pressured at all <3

About my work!!! Yes, the holidays are worldwide as far as I'm concerned but since my job has a flexible working hours and it's remote, it sounds good but I actually never stop working. I work with advertising and we spend money to upload ads and even for every time someone clicks in our ads, so I have to check the data from time to time to make sure the incoming compensates the money we're spending. If not, I have to take it down and change the campaign 100% it's maddening

Ok now I feel like I TALKED TOO MUCH!!! I'm sorry. But thank you for your message and all the love you always give me, I have no words for you but I really really appreciate it every time you pop in my inbox <3 and please if you feel comfortable let's be moots.

[inkstainsonwood]

Here to say, Anon, you're so incredibly valid. Senpai notice(d) me is such a mood. I've been where you are. Once and a half. These are my stories (and kind of advice) because, well, I know when I was where you were, you coulda told me advice, and I still would have gone through the whole feelings roller coaster I did anyway. ^^

---

The first time this happened, I was convinced it was a parasocial relationship. There was no way they actually cared about me. They must have actually cared about how much I was cheering for their fic, the long comments I left, how I drew multiple fanarts for them. Nevermind the fact that we were talking every single day. I developed a crush (and I knew there was no chance on it). I told myself there was no way I'm equal, I'm just reader. Eventually, I did write a fic, and they read it! And liked it! Joy upon joy! I had their respect! (They had, I will note, all this time, said that if something wasn't for me, don't read it, and so I was already very much of the expectation [but not hope] that they might not read it.)

But despite that, hah, did you know external validation doesn't fix all the internal shit? I hate that. So, I still wasn't in a very good spot cause oh my god this crush/squish/fawning whatever it was I was doing. I wanted to hold on so much that I brought it up in therapy. What do I do? I have so much fear around this friendship. Please fix me therapist. I just need to be internally stable. Therapist helped me look at what I had with this person, and then my therapist told me -- it might be a beautiful long friendship, but ... it also might end. You might in fact fall out of fandom, or they might fall out of the fandom, and, yeah, you might not keep the friendship. And WOW that sounded terrible to me (but, spoilers, it turned out to be a helpful thought).

Eventually there was some day I shared with them my feelings of inadequacy toward them, and they reassured me that I was in fact their friend. That I was their first friend in this fandom, and they weren't going to forget me. And, wow, yeah, that felt real great (but external validation still doesn't fix the internal shit). And as they built more of a friend group, I got to see how they interacted with other people. Which … was both great, and …. A Lot. Some night, I was having So Many Feels about it, and, well, I cried. I realized … I'm heartbroken. I'm not special. Not the way I wanted to be. And that I had fawned, and did they even actually know me at all despite claiming that I was their friend? (I think they did consider me a friend, truly and well, even though I hadn't really let them become my friend. Even though I had opened up about being feelings toward them, I hadn't really opened up that much about me in general. I kept things fairly tied to fandom to make sure they were interested in whatever I had to say.) And I could feel that I was starting to drift from that fandom, and also from them… Maybe my therapist was right. Which would suck so much. And, over time, I did sort of … fade away from that author and group. We talk occasionally, but definitely not every day anymore.

---

The second time -- well, it's still on going, and there's a part of me that's thinking, it can't last forever. I've had this experience before. But, we talk every day, we aren't really talking about the fandom that originally brought us together, and we're planning to meet up! In person!!

It helped that this time, it was a smaller fandom. Even an author who wrote an AMAZING fic will only have a handful of readers. It helped that they were the one to tell me to reach out to them on tumblr. It helped that I had this previous experience and so I was like, okay, I know, I know people in fandom are just searching out friends and connections, and, maybe it'll only be a fandom friend, and even if I fawn, and have So Many Feelings, I will come out okay. I'll find other fandoms. I'll find other fic. I'll find other people. (It sounds so fake when you're in That Mode, though.) And, right now, I'm of the mindset, the first time with the first author had to have failed in order for the second one to have succeeded.

I had hopes, sure, but I had no expectations that it would go well. And I knew what hadn't worked, so, this time, I was more, well, me. They offered to beta my fic. I gave them the longest list of tag warnings and was like, truly, seriously, if you don't like, don't read. I have no idea if this is your cup of tea at all we've barely just met. They liked it. That gave them brainworms, and they started a fic, and I offered to beta that. All the while, life was happening, and we chitchatted about whatever till whatever hour of the night.

And! We're going to meet! In a month! We've wanted to meet since like half a year ago, but the timing has always been terrible. Early on, I tried to offer meeting at a con 'cause it's low stakes, low risk. If you don't like each other or it's awkward in person, there's lots to do elsewise. But hahahahahaha, yeah, now it's a 3-day trip. No con. You can say there's a whole city to explore, but, it's very much, you know, more about each other and not about what fandom brought us together.

---

So, what can I say? Reach out to them! If they've already followed you, chances are they want to find people to chitchat about fandom, too! And! They already like your analyses and rants or whatever it is you're posting! You have their respect! The second fic-author-turned-friend keeps telling me those are well written, and therefore I am a writer and they already know I am a good writer (which isn't to say I am a good fic writer -- but it turns out that writing is a pretty transferable skill).

Both people told me, I don't have to read their fic. They know not everything is going to be for everyone. And so the converse should be true, they don't have to read my fic. And yet! Also! They were both eager to read what I had written!! (Though it's still very unfortunate you have to put your own writing out there without knowing how it'll be received …. sigh but sometimes you just gotta.) I feel like, what I can say, is, if you write analyses (I write long comments about people's fics), you're probably already thinking about how stories work, and that sort of thought will shine through in your own fic. (But that still won't make posting less terrifying, and nor does it promise your author-senpai will read it and like it…. unfortunate, I know.)

Sometimes … it doesn't work out in the long run even though you have so much hope. And the fear that it won't is so, incredibly real. I know how all-consuming it can be. You're not alone in that. I've been there. But I also promise, you'll make it out the other end.

Good luck out there! Go make some fandom friends. :D (Do it scared!) I hope you find your fandom people!

Hello! First of all, thank you for this blog. I’ve read some of the asks you’ve answered so far and they’ve been incredibly fun and to go through and very useful <3

The problem I have is very… specific. But I figured why not share it here, you know?

A few months ago, I started leaving rants and analyses in one of my favorite AO3 writer’s tumblr ask box, regarding their fics. That kind of evolved and long story short, they’ve been following my tumblr blog for a while.

Now this obviously makes me incredibly happy. They’re not exactly popular in the whole wide fandom, per se, but they’ve kind of created a smaller fandom within the original fandom through their fics and art (which are mostly AU longfics, and art for said AUs), so this basically feels like being tumblr mutuals with someone like Neil Gaiman to me.

The problem arises in the fact that I feel like I’m being watched now. This person I look up to follows my tumblr, and knows my AO3 handle, and I have only posted a single fic so far, but I have so many other fics I want to write, and I’m always so anxious to write because I keep thinking “When I post this, are they going to see it? Read it, maybe? Are they gonna hate it? Are they gonna unfollow me because they don’t like my characterization or writing?” and I keep trying to reason with myself that part of the reason I look up to them so much is that they promote a “No judgement” policy, and part of the reason they followed me is because they liked my analysis of their work, but now I’m realizing that… I want them to read my fics. And I want them to like them and maybe I want us to be friends and not just mutuals, and I want us to freak out about each other’s fics, you know?

That is worsened by the fact that… My tumblr account is fairly new. And I have a total of 3 followers including said fanfic writer, so I feel the pressure to post fics in order to grow my tumblr circle and build a community, but that directly clashes with my desire to write something absolutely perfect so they’ll like it, which then both clash with what makes writing fic enjoyable, AKA doing it for myself and writing what I want to and how I want to.

I’m aware that I can’t control what another person likes, dislikes, or does. And that I have all the time in the world to write the fics I want and those that will make me happy without regarding what other people might think. But also… fandom are communities. And I want my tumblr and AO3 to be places where I can talk about my fics with people who like them, so that desire to grow my account as soon as I can is very strong simply because I have no one else to talk to. I don’t want to talk to the void and post rants that no one will see (except… y’know, maybe my favorite fanfic writer, which is a whole other level of pressure) about fics that don’t exist yet. Another part of this is the fact that, unless I get fics out, I’m relying on the fanfic writer liking my ideas and interacting to build a community.

As much as I try to convince myself to just write without care and to stop trying to control what this person does because that is completely out of my control and kind of dehumanizing on their behalf, the anxiety doesn’t subside. I don’t know what to do.

This ask was a bit of a journey for me, anon, and it took a little bit of untangling to see where you were going with it. I think this might be the central issue you're facing though:

I want my tumblr and AO3 to be places where I can talk about my fics with people who like them ... because I have no one else to talk to. I don’t want to talk to the void and post rants that no one will see ... about fics that don’t exist yet.

You're looking for fandom friends, and you're at the start of that journey - and I think you're doing well already by reaching out to an author you like and sending them asks about their work. Being willing to reach out and talk to people is an amazing quality, anon, and I encourage you to keep doing that. Follow more people who post things that you're interested in. Drop asks in their inbox and start a conversation.

The other half of that is giving other people and opportunity to reach out to you. You can do this by posting your thoughts about the canon your fandom is tied to. You can see a ton of examples here on tumblr where folks discuss a particular moment or scene that meant something to them.

You can also reblog asks memes, like the AO3 wrapped ones I reblogged the other day. Sometimes I see people just answer all of the questions in their own reblog, but if you want people to have an opening, just leave your ask box open and see what comes through.

If you want to talk about your own work, you can post something for WIP Wednesday or Six Sentence Sunday - or just post a scene that you've been working on and ask what people think.

Everyone starts off with a handful of followers, anon. You won't dive into a lively community overnight. You also don't have to create tons of popular fics in order to make one. Join a community that already exists. Find the people you vibe with within it. This author friend of yours might be the perfect place to start.

Even our favourite people, the ones we look up to most, are still just people when it comes down to it. If this author is as chill as you say they are, I think friendship is totally possible.

I'll open it up to the blog now. Did I read this one wrong? Do you have advice for anon? Have you been in a situation like theirs?

[punemy-spotted]

In This Life and the Next — Chapter 1

It was Asleep in the Veins

Summary: They remember, but you forget. You can run from the ties that bind, but it'll be right into their arms.

Pairings: Immortal!Zemo x Reader; Immortal!Steve Rogers x Reader; Immortal!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Reader is Desi and Muslim Coded

Warnings: DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT; Rape/Non-Con Elements; Deeply, Deeply Dark; Character Death Involved; Dubious Consent; Dark!Steve; Dark!Bucky; Dark!Zemo; Political/Mafia Elements; Obsessive/Manipulative Lovers; Workplace Sexual Harassment/Assault; Political Corruption; Slight Cosmic Horror

Notes: Sometimes my writing has a playlist and this time it just has a song, please enjoy Lahu Munh Lag Gaya while reading this. This is a fic that is going to be dark and as it develops, more warnings may be added. Please read at your own discretion and let me know if more things need to be tagged.

All of my work is 18+ Only, Minors DO NOT INTERACT. I do not consent to my work being posted anywhere besides Tumblr or Ao3 and I post my work there myself. Do not copy, translate, or repost any of my content.

What is pride, but the precedent before the fall?

How far will you fall, sweetling, before time brings you back to me?

It is in your blood.

It is the red earth under your racing feet, the heavy humidity of promised rain, the dhol-beat of your thudding heart. You can try to run from it — you do, sometimes — but it draws you back, draws you in, draws you home.

(The further you run, the tighter we will hold you.)

The open terrace is an invitation, the waiting archway is a portal — it only takes one step.

You always do this, don’t you? Your own little game, the running. When you love wolves, you might as well make yourself prey, racing down these sun-bright halls and daring them, sweetness, daring them to reach out of the shadows and take hold.

(Run, rabbit, run, but we are patient and we are watching…)

He lives there, in the corner of your memory, a promise and a threat. I will always find you.

So let him, little treasure, and paint your skin with the memory of his fingertips. Remind him, as he reminds you.

Let him come to you, let him chase you down the ramparts and catch you in the courtyard. Let him wrap his arms around your waist and twirl you in the air, let him hear the song of your laugh I have memorized you like a prayer, whispered into the crook of your neck.

He is sweetness. He is warmth, he is a memory you treasure in the dark.

He is dead.

Pay no attention to the dark clouds on the horizon.

Pay no attention to the shadows on his face.

He will love you — don’t you see, don’t you understand how you are mine — but he will use you, little lamb, until you are spent. You are a lifetime, a fire, and he will take all the light you have to offer and you will place your tombstone in the graveyard that is his heart.

You will forget.

He will not.

The red threads can be a noose too, if you aren’t careful, and sweetling you can never be too careful around him.

So run.

Run until your legs crumple, until you are too tired to crawl. Run because once you do he will not stop.

(Lips touched lips and through them touched blood…)

He has tasted the blood of your love, sweetling, do you truly think he’ll ever set you free?

The scream comes from your own throat.

You’re awake now, bathed in the light of the morning, panting from the last vestiges of the nightmare you have woken up from every morning for the past three weeks. Frantic, you reach for your neck like you’ve done every morning for the past three weeks, searching for blood.

And like every morning for the past three weeks, your hand comes away clean.

But you remember it don’t you, the jaws around your throat, biting down until you go limp in their grip? Run, rabbit, run…

You’re so tired of being afraid.

Your alarm is set to go off in thirty minutes, but you know you won’t be able to fall asleep in that time. Groaning softly, you roll out of bed and set it to snooze for the day lest it interrupts your shower. The lies you tell yourself about clearing your head this way will guide you through the rest of your routine.

You ache. A soreness in your bones, familiar and strange all at once. Running, constantly, from something you cannot explain or articulate, dreams you mull over and fail to understand. And then waking, frantic and screaming, begging for your life to thin air before the reality sinks in and you come to terms with this false safety.

The water of the shower does little to ease it, but it’s enough. Enough to push you through the rest of getting ready, reluctantly.

This life could have, should have, perhaps even would have been a fairytale. The culmination of your strife, years of clawing your way six feet out of that grave of constant study, exhaustion embedded in your bones, all to become this. All to stand at the right hand of the Man-Who-Could-Be-President, all to bring him coffee and papers and write the talking points of his speeches and make yourself Invaluable to the Movement you are so sureyou believe in.

Were.

Were so sure you believed in.

It’s a slow siege.

One piece of armor, then the next.

(Bet that lipstick leaves a mark.)

You stopped wearing red to work, settling for neutral lip balm and pretending it didn’t leave you vulnerable.

(It’s nice of you to dress the part.)

Those tailored suits you once loved wearing so much now sit as moth food in the back of your closet as you drape yourself in the ill-fitting and ill-designed.

(You have such lovely hair.)

Lovely, sitting messily in a clip so his fingers can never run through raven tresses again.

Look at you.

Look at you, standing in the mirror. Is this what you are? Is this what you want to be? Is this what your promise and ambition have led you to become, shadowed and cowering in your clothes? Where is your violence, where is your passion, where is the fire?

Who are you now, lamb-to-the-slaughter, lost sheep, girl in the woods?

You wake, you dress, you stare at yourself in the mirror again and in your heart, weep.

Baron, welcome, thank you for coming by. The brush of a hand against the nape of your neck has you turning from your desk and the papers strewn across it, facing yet more wolves in this den of your prison. The Senator gestures for you to stand and you do, keeping your gaze from his hungry eyes as yours scan over the guests he’s brought by.

Familiar faces.

And not, all at once. You know those shapes, the sly curve of that smile, the effortless tousle of brown hair and yet you don’t. Like seeing them in pieces, placed on the same canvas but sparking no proper recognition.

May I introduce you to the newest member of our staff, Miss… he pulls you in as he speaks, the smile on his face too wide and too warm to be anything but hiding fangs and you can feel the want pulsing through each word as he introduces you.

Ignore him.

Ignore the pressure of his hands on your shoulders, giving you a squeeze as he stands you in front of him like a trophy. Focus on the man in front of you, and the icy curiosity in his eyes.

Good morning, Baron Zemo there, that’s the name, and yet it sits wrong on your tongue, like there’s more to him that you know and don’t all at once, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea? Practice it. Steady it. Measure the words like you don’t feel the pressure on your shoulder, like you aren’t looking for any excuse to escape that roaming grip.

Does he see? Does he see the way you writhe in your own mind, crawling and raw and desperate? Is that way his gaze hardens when he glances idly to the senator and then back to you? It is my pleasure. And coffee, if you please — three, no need for cream or sugar.

Of course.

A man like him would hardly come alone and there they are, stepping in from the periphery of your vision, towering behind their employer. One dark-haired and the other blond, wearing armor and scowls and so very familiar. You know those eyes, ice and steel, and yet you don’t and — memories burst like bubbles to the pin of the very present reality of the Senator’s hand sliding down your upper arm, fingers brushing your chest you are not safe.

Choose. Now. Fight, flight, or freeze? Let them see the glittering fear behind your glasses and hope they’ll save you?

Stupid girl, don’t you know?

No one can save you but yourself.

Wrench yourself from the grip on your shoulder, stalk over to the coffeepot. Just past the Baron-who-isn’t My apologies, I must be in your way.

No, no, of course not, please make yourself comfortable.

Keep it bright.

Keep it chipper.

Don’t look back at the hungry eyes following you, don’t think about it, don’t let them see your spine be anything but titanium, don’t let the—the hand on your wrist is black-gloved and unyielding, spinning you around to face steel eyes and harsh finality We’ll take care of it.

Right.

Of course.

Sergeant Barnes, please. We need not frighten our friends. Baron Zemo’s voice is silk and warmth and you should not feel so safe in the honeysweetness.

The glove leaves your wrist. Sergeant Barnes? Stands still as a statue and you step back. They’ll take care of it, and they do. The other of the two, technically, pouring coffee and trading mugs until all five of you are warming your hands with fresh-brewed caffeine.

Senator. Shall we?

You’re alone. Baron Zemo slips into the Senator’s office and the door closes with a snap, leaving you in the presence of solemn and silent.

You should get back to work.

You should say something.

You should do a good many things.

So do it.

Work it is. You can feel the eyes on you, somewhere between curious and suspicious, while you shuffle papers and try to focus on the email you were drafting. Focus.

Focus.

Don’t look back.

Don’t look at the office door.

Don’t do anything but stare at those papers, write those emails.

Focus.

You should run, rabbit.

The silence comes with whispers, winding around your ear like curls of smoke, bidding you turn around and look at the statues behind you, search their faces, ask them questions. You have so many, sweet and polite, where is your chatter?

It’s an hour before the office door opens and Helmut Zemo’s honeysweet voice filters to your ears, I’m sure your Sokovian-American constituents will be quite pleased by the bill, Senator. We shall have to honor you for your dedication to our shared people at the embassy.

You stand without thinking, usually so used to only moving when the Senator bids you — mostly to keep yourself out of his grip — but the draw of his voice is undeniable. Like a moth to a flame, you burn your wings to please and meet the watchers’ icy eyes as you wait for the beacon to step into view.

He sees you. So thorough and careful, a feigned warmth around his countenance as eyes flicker over you. Searching. Hungry. You know to avoid the gaze of men like him and so you do, looking just past his face enough to hide your discomfort. Thank you for coming, Baron Zemo. We’re thrilled to have your support. Please let us know how we can be of assistance while you’re in the city.

You will regret those words, in time.

But for now? For now the Baron takes your hand and offers you a thin smile, bowing to press gentle lips to your knuckles, ignoring the way you flinch. It has been my pleasure, my dear.

It’s when he turns that you feel it. The pain in your left hand, drawing your eyes down to the threaded ring around your finger, now tight and burning. The drumbeat from your nightmares starts up again, thudding hard in your ears as your eyes follow the red thread stemming from them.

To the three men now walking out of the room.

Run, rabbit, run.

[lowkeyorloki]

hi it's cass here and i just came on to say that i am 100% on board with everything BC anon is saying (also holy shit their ask was hilarious; nothing on tumblr will ever make me laugh harder than the first bit of that ask did). i'm torn between whether i think y/n is gonna be the one to break it up or if it's actually gonna be loki cuz based on chapter 34 it all points to y/n doing it but loki is so angry (i feel like he would stop holding back his hurt and fury once he finds out y/n isn't actually pregnant) that he might actually be the one to instigate it.

Also this "And u know the loveliest thing about papers is that is doesn't matter if you're right or not, just that you can appropriately defend your position" took me straight back to my ninth grade english class lol. My teacher spent the whole second day of the semester drilling into us that 'the right answer is the one you can back up with textual evidence'. Ya know i never thought all the character analysis essays i did in high school would come to use later on... but look at me going now through asis to find proof for my and other people's theories lmao. except this time there actually is a right answer and only 6 more days 'til we find out what that is i can't wait :)

BC ANON LOOK AT YOU GETTING THE ATTENTION YOU DESERVE you are famous BC anon. You're truly the guy at the board with the red string and now you've got an audience as well hehe :)) And Cass u r right BC anon is hilarious and I hope they remember all of us when they get their own Netflix special

So, I totally hear what you're saying about thinking it'll be y/n, but also recognizing how mad you think Loki is going to be. My questions for YOU would be: Do you think Loki is going to explode because of his fury, or shut down? Similarly, do you think the reader is going to resigned with the breakup or mourn it, even though she's the one who everyone agrees will be the one to actually put her foot down? Of course, this is all operating on the assumption that they are going to break up, which of course, I have not confirmed and shall not confirm until the 3rd 😌Just some food for thought as we approach the LESS THAN A WEEK TO THE UPDATE mark ;)

And oh to be able to return to 9th grade English... such a simple time (not any other aspect of high school just high school English lol). But omg you're so right it's honestly so funny to think about how that all impacted us in terms of... a professor! Loki AU fic??? Like I just know that's not what our teachers had in mind and as perplexed/disappointed they might be I feel like most would react with "I mean... I guess I'm glad you're interested in the subject/using the tools I taught you somehow" LMAOOO.

[veterveter]

YO MANU THIS FINALLY CAME THROUGH I'LL LIKE READ AND DO COMMENTARY AND EDIT THIS LATER BUT I WANTED TO POST IT WHILE I HAD IT!!!!

Bless, tumblr finally working for you.

Anyway, here's the post from @delirious-and-slightly-murderous

So seeing as Tumblr hates me, I'm trying this darling, hope it reaches you.

So just read rat king.

[You should all totally read rat king if you haven't yet, it's fun I promise :) But also read Manu's commentary on it!!]

Tuuli I hope you know I love you and completely adore you and I am in awe of you but right now I HATE YOU. 

You broke me AGAIN. And I was just mending myself.

This was great and beautiful and fantastic and completely awful and the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. 

I'm crying.

So now I'm going to make a habit of coming to scream at you on tumblr every time you post something. 

You already know how I feel about your characterization and Andrés' POV and the angst. So there, it applies here too.

Here we go you awful and magnificent goddess.

“Martín,” Sergio clarified, moving up his glasses, the prescription of which was much too weak for his continuously worsening eyesight, “I think you should stop sleeping with him: Yes, Segio and his judgement. That couldn't not be there. But Andrés and Martín are sleeping together? I know this is going to hurt.

Martín was a constant in his life, something carried over from before. Martín? Martín wasn’t a problem; Martín was the only one thing that was good: at least here he appreciates him. Thank god.

Before, he would have found some entirely healthier way of loving his soulmate. Maybe they would have even had an old-world relationship, eventually. Andrés felt like he might have liked that, once. He knew Martín would have loved it: 😭 I want this for them and it hurts that it's simply not going to happen. I'm afraid of the MCD tag, Tuuliiiiiiiiiiii! Who did you kill, you murderous genius?

Andrés needed Martín, desperately. Too desperately to love him the way he should have: I'm going to die. He could at least try but nooooo, god forbid the day Andrés de Fonollosa makes things simple for anyone.

Andrés could see the way orgasms had loosened some of the tensions that so often gripped his body, and he hoped Sergio could too.😏

 If Andrés had to choose only one, he would have certainly chosen— : repressed asshole. I hope that was going to end with the word Martín. Why are you even getting married? What's even the point. But I see Andrés will continue to be emotionally stunted even when the world is ending.

Martín and Sergio had gotten along well, before. Andrés could remember so many pleasant evenings, just the three of them and a bottle of wine. But ever since they had to move to this base, the tensions had been palpable. They were both desperately trying to keep them alive, but were constantly disagreeing on the how: I'm starting to like Sergio more than Andrés here, how is that possible? How? See what you do Tuuli?

He turned around at the doorway and left the room, because he had no doubts about it: they would listen to him: Andresito, you are being too egocentric, this is not going to end well, for anyone.

Andrés understood just enough to know he was proud.: I don't know how to feel about this Andrés. I can't.

Andrés always tried not to take the slights of this brave new world personally – it was cruel, but they all had to endure loss of unspeakable magnitude – but this? Having to choose between his Martín and his brother?: Oh no, Oh no, NO. This isn't fair. Why do I get the terrible feeling we already know who he's going to choose? Please DON'T do this.

Andrés knew with unwavering certainty that either one of them would be willing to do it, and that they would consider it a great big favour to Andrés, and not the horrifying curse it truly was. He was the one who would have to pay the ultimate price, and live, knowing how much it had cost: Everything always has to be about you, doesn't it Andrés. You fucking deserve it.

Andrés could appreciate such a malleable room, because it reminded him of Martín, who always became what Andrés needed him to be.😡😭💔

Martín had never cared about plants, before. Actually, he seemed to have held a certain disdain for them. He had always said they were stupid and lifeless. Now he was looking at these ones, their lifeline, and he was filled with reverence and sorrow. If Andrés could have given him one thing, he would have liked to return to him his complete disregard for flora, and all the things it had since then come to imply: This hurts, and not only for obvious reasons. But nature? Fuck right in the feels.

Martín was entirely too pretty to look like this. They hadn’t even been having sex, because suddenly Martín looked like his eternally calcium-deficient bones might now break from the strain. Pretty Martín yeah! And you are a genius. Now this is my official headcanon as to why Martín drinks milk, he has fragile bones, the poor baby.

The weird walking corpse at the table smiled, and it almost made him resemble Martín.: He's already halfway dead. The MCD tag is him isn't it? I hate you Tuuli.

Andrés had to remind himself that he was lucky to have this. He may have had so many better things, before, but now he had this, and that was good. They had it better than most, him and Martín, for they had each other. Andrés still had his brother, and now he would have his wife, too. He was lucky: Not for long, buddy. And you deserve it. Poor Sergio I normally hate him but gosh.

“No,” Andrés said without waiting for a single beat, because he couldn’t let Sergio think he considered it. Even though he almost— “No, I don’t. I want you two, both of you, to figure out a way. A different way.”: He loves them both and he accepts it? Why does the world have to be ending.

Andrés tried not to think too much about Martín from before, but sometimes he did anyway. That night, as he wrapped his arms around Martín’s pathetic, weak and shivering frame, he thought about his true soulmate, the one this body had once belonged to.: Now I understand Martín sacrificing himself is the only way. He's already dead. And because of Andrés no less. How tragic.

Andrés had never said it back.

That night, he didn’t say it back.: Now Martín is going to die and it'll be horrible isn't it? Tuuli I want to murder you.

I’m so sorry, Andrés,” Sergio said quietly, slowly reaching out a hand to touch his shoulder.

Andrés recoiled from it, sharply. “No,” he snapped, “No. We are all going to die. Say those words, Sergio. We are all going to die.” He had made his peace with death long ago. There were worse things, many things so much more horrifying—

“We are not all going to die,” Sergio said, “The generator—” His words were cut off by Andrés’s hand on his throat, squeezing.: You are the king of denial, bad decision, being stupid, emotionaly stunned and not appreciating your soulmate enough Andrés. You deserve all the pain.

“He doesn’t deserve that,” Andrés said, his voice breaking again as he thought of it, Martín’s body, his corpse, frozen and preserved like that for as long as they would live. Martín, out there, while Andrés was in here, unable to ever go and give him even a proper burial. He had always been able to give Martín so little, and in death he would fail him yet again: I really have no words for this. But Martín being forever preserved out there and Andrés knowing that and not being able to mourn him. That is genius and it hurts and it's the perfect ending for them.

Andrés had never told him. Not once. How could he be certain that Martín had known? How could he insist that Martín, the brightest of them all, had known, when Andrés had never told him? Martín operated in words – how could Andrés have forced him to read his love in a language he didn’t even speak?: Now you confront your feelings too late, like always you repressed asshole. You deserve all the pain.

God, he wished Martín hadn’t been so bright. That he had been an idiot, dim-witted and slow like the rest of them.

Then the two of them would have let all of humanity perish.: You already murdered me with 'stay a while' and now this. Tuuli I'm coming back as a vengeful ghost and haunting your perfect ass.

So yeah, I don't have words but that's what I could spit out.

And Tuuli, you know the thing I showed you about the spider? Well when I finished reading this I was crying and wailing. My professor came running because he thought it was another spider or something even worse like a serpent.

When he asked what was going on I was in such a state I could only say 'rat' like a dumbass. 

RAT.

Like seriously? And when he asked again I said Rat king fic and pointed vaguely to my phone. 

He thought I was talking about an actual rat.

So imagine this. We are there, at night (in Costa Rica nightfall is around 6:00pm all year round, so now it's 9:00pm and here in the tropical rainforest it gets Dark), camping in the middle of nowhere in the wild with a tropical storm falling over our heads and I start crying about Rats. 

Congratulations Tuuli, you put me in such a state that I managed to send the whole of 9 biologists into a frenzy, frantically checking out the tents over an imaginary giant rat. 

It was literally terror in the jungle. 

I wanted the earth to shallow me. I didn't know how to explain that all that circus was because of a fucking fic.

I think now I no longer have satelital internet rights.

I hate you.

(P.S: But don't worry I still absolutely adore you, even if now I am the laughing stock of my fellows 🥰😘♥️)

Here have my friend the spider to show how I'm feeling.

[kirishwima]

Thank you for the tag sweetness!🩷🩷

STARTED WRITING: Since really young? I had a script I wrote used for a school play at age ~9, then a few creative writing competitions from 12-15, then started working more with creative writing in english round 13-14yo...but the first time I posted anything online I was 20 lol

STARTED BLOGGING: My friend made a tumblr blog for me since we were 12 lol, but I only ever posted my own content when I was 18-19, before I just lurked and reblogged

FOLLOWERS: Y'all have been multiplying like bunnies lately 🤣 last I checked there were like ~3.2K?! I'm grateful yall find me worth following 🥹

COMMUNICATION: I'm really bad at it 🫠 real life gets busy so I rarely answer anything straight away. That being said I love getting asks from y'all, be it requests memes or just to chat! It's a low-stress form of communication for me which I prefer 🩷

LIKES: There's so many lately, I had to turn off notifications but just know I love and appreciate them all (and I do read tags and replies, even if I don't answer all of them, they make my day!)

REQUESTS: I mention this on my pinned post & about section, but I usually explicitly post when/if my requests are open or not, same for commissions! Currently I accept requests for SMAUs and short drabbles, but not for anything lengthier. Commissions for full length fics are currently closed. That being said, you have a higher chance of me working on your prompt first if it involves my fave characters/a topic I like (full disclosure lol)

WRITING: idk what to say on this part lol like, what I'm working on now, or why I write? Mmm, currently I'm working on two new SMAUs, and I'm writing the final part of my Kenma Twitch Streamer AU! (it'll all be in actual written format so it'll take a bit longer though). I'm also slowly writing a more self-indulgent Tsukishima x OC childhood friends-to-neighbors AU 🤭

WORKS I'M PROUD OF: It's honestly hard to say, I never feel truly proud of anything I write. Like, I'll post it and immediately find fault with it no matter how much attention it might get (it's why it took me a proper decade almost to post any of my works online lol). I guess I'm proud of the first fic I ever posted that got the ball rolling, a Haikyuu fic that combined all my fave tropes at the time lol. It's cringey and pretty bad, but I guess I'm proud I'd posted it. More niche, but I think I also like my Patrochilles fix-it fics, a lot of my IRL friends seemed to like that one!

And for tags, I have some amazing wonderful talented writer mutuals...but I'm way too shy to tag them 😭 any of my mutuals are welcome to answer this though!!

Behind the scenes of a Tumblr Writer - Tag Game

Hey there, I love behind the scenes and since this is something that's rarely talked about, let me start the chain... if you feel uncomfortable with a question, just skip it. You can add some if you want as well.

Started writing: I wrote my first Harry Potter fanfic at age 10. Started posting around 15,16 years old. I'm now 31, so...

Started blogging: I started on a German fanfiction site around 2010/11 I think. Might have been earlier too, but back then I was mostly reading, no posting. I really started when I got into One Direction (very late, tbh)

Followers: Currently at 961, which is wild to me. I don't even know that many people IRL. I convince myself that half of them are bots tbh, so I don't freak out all the time.

Communication: The people I talk to regularly are: a few writers who answered after I constantly reblogged and commented on their works and a few people who commented and reblogged my work. Writing and blogging on here can be pretty lonely, depending on your personality and the time you're active (I'm from Europe and a lot of my followers seem to be living in Northern America, so there's the Timezone thing) ... And I found that the best way to strike a conversation is to reblog, comment, and to not be shy. I do wish I got more asks, though....

Likes: I actually filter them out. I have 793 original posts up at the moment. It doesn't give me anything to know how many likes a fic has other than to tell me which characters are liked more than others or maybe that one fic does especially well. My activity only shows me comments, asks, reblogs with tags, and answers to my own asks. I live for the tags and the comments.

Requests: I love talking to people about ideas. That's how I started the plotbunny game because I have so many ideas and so little time. And sometimes an idea just doesn't want to be written out fully. Requests are fun because YAY, I get some mail... but then I freak out because I don't really know how to write this NOW and then I freak out because it's been a week already, two weeks, wait, two months? I'd rather have suggestions where people tell me vague things like "I'd love to read something about this side character" or "Have you ever considered this character with a soulmate trope"? because then I don't have the feeling of failing the request when I write it a little bit differently.

Writing: I am a fast writer. I know that's one of my talents. I can churn out a oneshot of 1k words in less than an hour. People read slower than I write. That can suck sometimes because you've just posted this and you want to know what people are thinking but they're not as fast as you are. I do have a lot of ideas. I want to write constantly but my brain doesn't always want to. I am trying to respect that.

There are also certain things that I just feel wrong writing. I cannot write anything suggestive (I also don't like reading it) and everything past that gives me panic attacks. I can hardly write mean characters and jealousy feels so wrong to me that I cannot write it. I've also overdone it with the soulmark trope and now I feel like everything I write about it feels lifeless.

I write best in the mornings before going to work, but I don't have much time there. I don't need special music (but it helps), but I need to have at least some energy left and at best, no distractions. But I have been writing for over 20 years, so I will say experience helps a lot.

Tagging: @revasserium @shoulmate @lemurzsquad @screamin-abt-haikyuu @toomanygoldfish @satorisoup @emmyrosee @reverie-starlight @alienaiver and @writingsofanomnivore and everyone else who wants to join

[camelliacats]

what are your thoughts on padma x blaise or romilda x cormac?? i always thought they could have interesting chemistry and i was wondering what your thoughts on them would be?

Ooh! :D Tysm for asking~ I LOVE headcanon questions, esp ship thoughts/imagines! I've not written either pairing, tho these are charries I enjoy (and ones I know I truly love in three instances—I need to write Cormac more before I upgrade my "like" to "love"! XD). I've written Romilda and Padma the most of these four and therefore have some solid characterizations for them (Romilda in fic that's mainly posted now, Padma in some forthcoming fic to be posted this spring—so please look forward to new eagle content in addition to old eagle content soon to be crossposted to tumblr and to AO3!), but I DO HAVE SOME IDEAS FOR THESE SHIPS~ (So sorry for the looong reply—I had fun writing about both pairs! :D and tumblr’s read-more function on asks is...wonky at best these days...let’s hope this works...)

PadmaBlaise:

firstly, may I just say—this is a good-looking couple~ (I mean, big love for the Patil twins in general, but also ngl Louis Cordice cast as Blaise in the movies was A+ imo, *lol* is my artist bias showing yet i kinda wanna draw them now)

that aside, eagle–snake ships intrigue me?? esp with someone quiet and shrewd like Blaise outside of Pansy, I find I enjoy him with Ravenclaws...

Padma always struck me as the twin who was too nice and reluctant to say "no"—after all, she did let Parvati rope her into going to the Yule Ball with Ron, which did not turn out to be very fun at all; but she did end up giving up on Ron and dancing with a Durmstrang student that evening in order to save her night, so I see that as the start of her developing her own determinedness (not to mention joining the D.A. in bk5 afterwards)

And then we have Blaise it's the quiet ones you gotta watch *LOL*

He's such an observer rather than an active participant, but he comes across as someone who would make worthwhile conversation, a personality type that got on Draco's nerves...hmm, I wonder if the Sorting Hat ever considered Blaise for Ravenclaw House for a second...? :O

also an idea: Pansy knows/knew the Patils outside of school, so it's possible that Blaise might've, too, or might later on the closer Blaise finds himself pulled into Draco & Pansy's orbit

I think I could see PadmaBlaise as a will-they-won't-they deal, a classmates-turned-mates trope where they're in each other's orbit at school mainly during study halls and Padma can appreciate his more studious interests (my main hc is that he has interests in more advanced and difficult subjects and eventually becomes Professor of Ancient Runes, tbqh) and Blaise can enjoy some company without a need for conversation altho if they do converse it'll hold his interest without being Dark (Draco & his cronies) or needlessly invasive or suggestive (Pansy & the girls...mainly Pansy, but sometimes Daph pries, too); this also works bc I hc the eagles as being close but not exactly realizing/appreciating their closeness during their school days, so Padma has her friends, certainly, in her House, but Blaise would be a nice change of pace for her—likewise with Blaise, bc he sort of considers Pansy and perhaps Daphne his friends, and Draco's entertaining and Theodore's kind of a git sometimes, but Blaise in general struggles with the concept of friendship or relationships altogether possibly a side-effect of his mum's reputation for having all those late husbands

outside of school, living not super far from each other and having families running in some of the same social circles (bc now that I've thought about this, I RLY LIKE THAT IDEA <3), I still think they'd carry on their friendship; Pansy might tease Blaise a bit about it, but the snakes don't rly bother him too much about it bc the Patils aren't a bad family (the only issue in recent yrs is when the twins join the D.A.); I think their friendship is more of a concern for Padma's family, esp bc Parvati would detach herself from her best mate's hip long enough at least to alert their parents of the company Blaise keeps, & that coupled with the well-known rumors about Mrs. Zabini just make everyone wary about how close Padma gets to Blaise

but honestly it's such a lark bc there's not an evil bone in Blaise's body—Padma's had enough deep, meaningful conversations with him on walks around their respective neighborhoods and even a few times around the castle grounds to know that, even if he doesn't say it, the way Draco talks scares him (and scares Pansy, too, Blaise lets slip, and a pang of nostalgia for a childhood friend she & her twin once had makes her heart ache), & Blaise lowers his guard enough times on their walks that eventually Padma's fingers find their way to his & sometimes they halfheartedly hold hands

Padma's determination to keep their bond alive & well struggles during 6th & 7th yrs, esp with how crazy things get and the danger the reconstituted D.A. put themselves in—they don't talk about it, but it's a silent argument they have, that he doesn't want her to join again & fight back, that she can't sit idly by while her sister and friends get hurt & tortured & nearly killed on a daily basis—any of them could be next, and change must start somewhere, so it can start with her (and the D.A., but Blaise isn't arguing with them, he's arguing with Padma and why won't she bloody listen!)

it turns into a cold war between them, & when the final battle occurs, they're in completely different parts of the castle, Padma actively fighting and thinking Blaise remains twiddling his thumbs in the dungeons with the rest of the Slytherins...

...in actuality, her words reached him, sank in; that night, Blaise calms Pansy down after her "hand Harry over!" hysterics and then is one of the few Slytherins to do smthg that night (Astoria actively fights, her sister later learns, but Daphne & Blaise actively protect their fellow snakes, esp the defenseless underclassmen)

Padma & Blaise don't exactly "make up" following the war, until they discover they've both signed up for an 8th yr, and that yr gives them the time to share and mend; when Blaise tells Padma how the war went on his end, she isn't surprised but is pleased—he's surprised she's so calm about his actions, but they've gotten to know each other so well & she knew how badly the other side's deeds bothered him...she honestly believed it was only a matter of time until he fought back ("After all, when talking, you're so quick with your commentative snickers and so good with the comebacks—so fighting back makes sense to me")

other random hcs: the Patils are well-known for their matching plaits, but Blaise's favorite activity at the end of the day is gently combing his fingers thru Padma's hair, unraveling the plait and just winding tendrils around his fingers; I will forever keep Padma working at the Ministry, and they arrive at Ministry events looking like a certified Power Couple™ decked out in the finest fashions (likewise at faculty events at Hogwarts bc Professor Zabini is A Thing <3); Blaise learned from his mother how not to do romance, so he's actually quite the romantic—one of his favorite pastimes is owling Padma out of the blue with a random love letter (better yet, she gets to decode it bc it's in some old runic alphabet, but she never worries about not recalling things off the top of her head, bc Blaise has heaps of references at home that she can ransack at the end of her workday); since they spend so much time in the U.K. apart (him in Scotland teaching, her in London at the Ministry), they take a prolonged vacation every summer, a getaway usually just the two of them (sometimes the other Patils like to crash...but Blaise finds he doesn't mind it too much, the large family's growing on him, *LOL*)

does Mrs. Zabini ever approve of Padma? well, after practicing a good "fuck if I care" stare with Parvati's and Lavender's help, Padma's able to convey calmly to her that she knows she doesn't need Mrs. Zabini's approval bc Blaise's opinion is what matters and that actually amuses Blaise's mum immensely so Padma unknowingly wins her over in the end wut

as for the Patils, with Padma knowing Blaise is a decent man, it doesn't take long for Parvati to discover that he's rather a softie, so the family comes around to him and the idea of him being Padma's better half; as for actually dealing with Parvati, once the secret's out, it doesn't take long for it to get out that he was smthg of a quiet hero in the war, too (confirmed thru the grapevine by Daphne), and once Parvati knows, Lavender knows, and once Lav knows, the world knows; so all this time, Professor Zabini's students were intimidated by this tall, dark, handsome teacher of Ancient Runes who could silence the room with a heavy stare—now his students know he's a kind Slytherin and it gives them the warm&fuzzies and it makes him more approachable?? some of the older students even try to pal around with him *LOL*

^honestly Blaise's problem is the opposite of Neville's: students initially think Neville looks like a kind man who might be a pushover and then they learn HOLY SHIT HE SLAYED NAGINI WITH GRYFFINDOR'S SWORD??? and then poor Blaise had students who almost feared him and now they just wanna hug him XDDD i'm also here for Blaise&Neville friendship btw

so yeah, PadmaBlaise life could be rly fun and interesting and I think they could bring out some rly great qualities in each other! :DDD <3

RomildaCormac:

WELL, as with any Cormac ship, they're gonna hafta tackle his seeming narcissism XD

but if someone can do it, that person is Romilda "Why, yes, I did once try to slip the Boy-Who-Lived a well-made Love Potion and almost succeeded" Vane

Romilda strikes me as the type of witch who knows what she wants and when she wants it—was she definitely after Harry only for his name and fame? *shrugs* But the potential for an older Romilda to have matured a little, to remember being scared in the final battle and take her skills more seriously couples well with her determined decision-making, imo

as with Cormac, the poor bloke is forever going to be a looks-nab-him-first type, i.e., he'd probably spy Romy at some Quidditch match with her mates & just be gobsmacked the bushy hair makes him falter for a second & think he has a type, given Hermione...but Romilda's freckles are cute, too <3

Cormac's also stubborn & hasn't lost his touch in dogging a pretty witch's heels, but Romilda takes time to develop any attraction to him—sure, he's a Quidditch player, but old habits die hard, & Cormac hasn't quite made a name for himself, so she's not yet sure about giving him the time of day (meanwhile, her friends are half entertained & half torn that they're not lucky enough to be in her shoes bc they all agree he's handsome)

and it's prolly thru her mates that he manages to snag a date with her, the simplest of things, just a cuppa, no commitment, bc her friends are all curious as hell

turns out that Cormac's thoughts towards romance have never rly changed since he was a teenager, but he was misread by the Golden Trio et al back in the day: of course he wants to be a hero in the Quidditch world, if not the top one...but he's not looking for a trophy wife to dangle off his arm, he just wants to find a charming woman like his firecracker mother momma's boy <3 and have the large family his parents had planned on having but couldn't (Cormac's large ego developed bc he was an only child who was terribly spoiled)

for Romilda, it's not a bad match—Cormac's a gentleman, but her desire for a man with a title or fame to his name comes from being raised by a single mother, just the two of them sort of scraping by hi okay i have a lot more on romilda's fam in general anYWHO, so Cormac essentially telling her he's ready to give her any kind of life she wants is like a dream come true—almost unheard of, post-war, unless you're a part of the Potter–Weasley clan

knowing there's a distinct possibility they could work in that sense, Romy gives him a worthwhile shot & they date properly, her coming to learn far more about Quidditch than she ever thought possible, him coming to appreciate magic that her mother passed down to her (potions dissolved in teas soothe his tired muscles after practice better than anything~! ...altho Romilda's fingers digging into his arms is nice, too)

for two sort of flamboyant personalities who might have the potential to be hotheads, I think, there's a kind of ease between them, where they sort of click into place, Romilda who wants a comfortable life and Cormac who wants to give her that life

now for some silliness: at Quidditch matches & press events, Cormac is OVER THE TOP in using his magic to point out where his better half is in the crowd, & Romy preens at this (not to mention it's always a beautiful bit of magic); wherever Romy works (my main hc is her as Auror), she every now and then occasionally gets a double-take by someone who remembers exactly why her name was known back in their school days, but she always puts the rumors to rest at the next work event but dragging Cormac in front of that person so she can say smthg along the lines of "Oh, Harry? Yeah, no, I upgraded!" XD <3; Romy finds calm in patching up Cormac's Quidditch things by hand when on break at work (he's so embarrassed when he finds out—turns out, yes, there are things that embarrass even Cormac McLaggen, *lol*, and having his guards repaired or, Merlin forbid, his socks darned in public is a hair too far, Miss Vane!); as their relationship grows more serious (and Cormac becomes a more seasoned player to the point where he's a first-stringer), Cormac does come to believe in good-luck charms: his one and only is a lock of Romy's curly hair knotted around the handle of his broom (and it must work, bc the one day it frays and flies off is the day Cormac breaks a damn leg)

they're surprisingly not as volatile as I thought when I first read this ask, and I'm so here for this cuteness???? >:D

Thanks for asking, anon! Feel free to ask about other ships or charries~ <3

[gingertodgers]

I tried replying to you before but my Tumblr had a melt down. Thank you for all your brilliant advice! I reckon I'll start with short stuff using prompts for now. I'd like to write because it'll be therapeutic and a nice break from all the sciencey writing I have to do normally. I really need a creative outlet -.- What does a beta do, exactly?

You’re welcome, I’m so glad it was useful! (here’s the post, if anyone wants to see my advice on starting to write fic) If you fancy sending me a link to any of your short prompt fills I’d love that!Betas are truly wondrous beings who bless us writers with many gifts, including SPAG checks (spelling and grammar), pointing out plot holes, developing characterisation, cheerreading (for when you think you might have written something decent but you’re not totally sure), and whatever else you might ask of them. I have a few areas in which I’m trying to develop as a writer so usually ask my betas to keep an eye out for those as well.The drarry discord is a great place to find a beta and they also have alpha readers on there. Alphas (lol, sorry, fandom has forever ruined this word for me) don’t check SPAG but they can help you decide which direction to take a fic and how to work around writers block.I know you didn’t ask for it but here’s my quick guide for anyone who wants to start working with a beta!Be clear about what you need. Saying what exactly you need will save everyone a lot of time. Some fics I’m sending over to betas and alphas like “this is a hideous mess, please help me rewrite the ending and the beginning and also maybe the middle?” Other times it’s more “hey! I think I’m done with this, can you please just do a quick scan for rogue commas?” This also gives them a chance to say “no” if it looks like it’s going to be too much work.Give a deadline. If a fic is for a fest, let your beta know when you need to upload it by. If it’s just something you’re having fun with but you want to upload before going on holiday/the weekend also let them know that. That way the beta can decide if they’re going to have time to work on your fic and you won’t end up rushing them.Let them know if you have more than one beta. Some fics need a lot of work. Some betas only want to look at SPAG or characterisation or whatever. That’s totally fine and they are still wonderful gifts to fandom, just let them know if there are going to be a few people working in a doc. The way I try to work it is to give an alpha reader the first run of the doc, make the edits they suggest and then throw it out to a sensitivity reader (I don’t use multiple betas for each fic), then the beta gets the final overview.Be appreciative. Thank your beta, take their advice on board, don’t argue the toss of every misplaced comma. It can feel very personal to have someone go through your writing and critique it but you asked them to do this and they just want to make your fic better. I’m not saying that every thing a beta says is The Law, but it’s usually coming from a good place and should be treated that way. e.g. don’t reply to comments with 1-word answers when previously you’ve been gushing (it looks like you’re pissed off), or with a 2000+ word essay on why they are Wrong and have Misunderstood Your Genius.