#then again I’m not a part of the vetting process so idk | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starrypawz · 3 years ago

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Under a cut as this is a bit morbid and relates to funerals, death etc and i’m basically just processing some feelings involves both pet death and parental death

But I saw this post earlier today (funnily enough via the discworld reddit as someone found it quite pratchettesque)

and yeah it got me thinking about what happened around my mum’s death last summer. (I think most people whove been following me for a while know about this? But short version my mum passed last summer from cancer)

And yeah how like it really did sort of feel I was pulled into a ritual that I didn’t really want to participate in but I still had to.

For me I found like her funeral felt more like it was for ‘other people’ and I didn’t really ‘need it’ and tbh I think it would’ve served me better if i hadn’t have gone. I think for me it was part my brain sort of hit a point somewhere in 2020 that kind of went ‘you know what fuck this im out im not emotionally processing anything more ciao’ so I’ve been probably more numb than is wise at times and also the fact I think due to the nature of her passing which was fairly sudden but like also not as although I wasn’t directly told it was terminal (Actually quite a lot about her prognosis was kept from me for better or worse)

I think I’d sort of connected dots and like especially in the last few weeks it was pretty obvious and she was to me sort of uh... gone before she was gone? (idk if that sounds insensitive but you know?) and made peace with the idea and so by the time she did pass I’d sort of processed a lot of it already. (also probably my own personal feelings on death and mortality etc) also i’d dealt with a lesser but also painful loss early 2020 when my dog Barney passed fairly suddenly (he’d been ill for a little while but was... holding in there then suddenly got worse, he had to be rushed to the vet one night and had to be overnight and he seemed somewhat ok, but then whilst sedated for an xray our vet found a large (probably not cancer) mass in his chest that was causing the problems so it was decided not to bring him around and put him to sleep whilst he was still under so in a way I didn’t really get to say goodbye to him properly. And it’s oddly similar to what happened to my childhood cat who was rushed to the vet one morning with a heart attack but she passed just before my parents could get her to the vet, as in they were at the last set of lights before the vets

And yeah it was like I was pulled into this weird ritual, I was despite the fact it was my mother who died still expected to act a certain way, do certain things and shoulder other people’s stuff. And like I had people around me and for me I actually found it very suffocating as like people were very much deciding for me what I needed when actually what I needed/wanted was space alone but I wasn’t allowed that I had to participate in this instead.

(I also had another lesser loss in this time, like about a week before my mum was brought home to be put into end of life home hospice care I was very suddenly informed that my volunteering role that I had at a local zoo (that yet again if you’ve been with me a while you’ll know about) was terminated and I wasn’t needed like I’d been there for about 8ish years? and then just boom nothing gone )

(weirdly i’ve just realised sort of sudden, closureless endings are quite a common theme in my life of varying degrees, the way i ‘lost’ a childhood friend of mine in primary school as she started hanging around with my bullies, the online friend I had when I was around 12 who one day I sent my usual greetings too and she just told me straight blank that the fact I always opened our conversations like ‘hi, how are you, what you doing?’ was boring and then... yeah friendship over boom in an instant, the way the volunteering role i’d had for a few years at an animal rescue ended pretty abruptly because higher ups decided to close the site, the time i was fired from a job the day after i graduated with my masters degree and a few other motments)

Like I really felt during that period and also the last month or so when things were nearing the end I sort of just... lost a lot of my autonomy I think and it was a weird experience. Because of course my mum’s needs were greater than mine and I had a role to play but it was sort of pushed on me at the expense of everything else where I had to shoulder and manage other people’s emotional expectations and have pressure put on me that I 1. didn’t ask for 2. couldn’t really cope with. And yeah it sort of felt like suddenly I wasn’t a person for a while as my needs straight up didn’t matter for a while.

And yeah just... idk how to conclude this but that’s just how it felt I was just pulled out of everything and pushed into a ritual i wasn’t prepared for and didn’t want to be in but it Had To Be Done and it was a weird time.

#something something being a social creature is a weird thing

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alotsgonnachange · 4 years ago

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Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

#Saeran Choi #Saeran AE #Saeran after ending #Saeran AE spoilers #Mystic messenger #Mysme #Saeran after ending spoilers #mystic messenger spoilers

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bellafarella · 4 years ago

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Hey there :) for the character list: Ted, Patrick, Alexis, David, Stevie, Mutt and that Animal, Lover vet guy (sorry I forgot his name) and Jake :)

LOL “and that Animal, Lover vet guy (sorry I forgot his name)” - that’s Ted and you said him first :p

Thanks for the ask, here we go:

Ted

Sexuality headcanon: straight (as in canon)

Gender headcanon: male

A ship I have with said character: Alexis

A BROTP I have with said character: David, I’d like to think that after their emotional talk at Singles Week that Ted tries to text him every so often with stupid puns that make David roll his eyes but can’t help but smile at his sisters dumb cute boyfriend.

A NOTP I have with said character: Heather - just nope.

A random headcanon: I like to think that maybe some day in the future, when his contract is up in the Galapagos (him not staying any longer even though they asked) that he keeps track of Alexis - not like in a stalker way but like in a “i love this girl with my entire being and i want to know that she’s doing well and what she’s up to” kind of way- they follow each other on instagram and he sees that she’s still living her best self in NYC so he goes there, hoping to maybe run into her, too nervous to ask her to hang out and anyway, he’s never been to NYC and wants to check out a play so he does and when he posts about it, Alexis dm’s him and they meet up for lunch the next day and he finds out she’s single - has been this entire time, working on herself, focusing on her career - so he asks her out again on a real date and now that he’s not working in the Galapagos and nothing is tying him to Schitt’s Creek, he eventually moves to NYC and the timing is finally right for him and Alexis and they live happily ever after. goodnight.

General opinion of said character: i LOVE ted. he’s so cute and sweet and just so adorably punny. i’m a fan of dustin so loving ted came really easy.

Patrick

Sexuality headcanon: gay (as in canon)

Gender headcanon: male

A ship I have with said character: David, duh

A BROTP I have with said character: Stevie. i think people talk a lot about how cute stevie and david’s friendship is and even how cute alexis and patrick’s friendship is but stevie and patrick is just so good. they both love to tease and banter and just be a complete and total troll, especially to david.

A NOTP I have with said character: Rachel, duh

A random headcanon: idk if it’s random, might be pretty common, but i like to think that patrick always knew deep down that he was gay - the way he didn’t really pay attention to the girl in porn (when he did watch it) or the way he liked to spend time with the guys on his sports team over hanging out with his gf, or how his room was plastered with posters of different sports players but also they had their shirts off. how he sort of knew but really had no way of knowing because there was no one he liked like that that was a boy. not until he met david rose.

General opinion of said character: my sweet button baby, precious boy deserves the world.

Alexis

Sexuality headcanon: bisexual but with a preference of dating men

Gender headcanon: female

A ship I have with said character: Ted

A BROTP I have with said character: like i said above, i think her and patrick’s friendship is so cute but i’m gonna go with her sibling. the bond that forms between david and alexis is just so pure - they actually become siblings and friends and i love them so much. omg and Twyla because their friendship is just so fucking cute and pure.

A NOTP I have with said character: Mutt, ugh. & sorry I can’t get on board with Alexis/Stevie either. they’ve constantly talked about how Stevie is part of the family - she’s treated like a Rose every episode so I just find it ehh to ship them but to each their own, ship who you want, idgaf lol

A random headcanon: *read Ted’s* but also, yeah that she’s living her best boss girl self in NYC, growing her business and making moves.

General opinion of said character: i love Alexis, she’s so hilarious in her facial expressions and mannerisms. i’ve never seen such hilarious physical comedy than i have on this show. Annie is a star and i can’t wait to see her in more things.

David

Sexuality headcanon: pansexual (as in canon)

Gender headcanon: male

A ship I have with said character: Patrick, duh

A BROTP I have with said character: Stevie, Alexis, even Ronnie (see previous ask). i love his friendship with Stevie so much because it’s his first real friend in probably ever, and he’s hers too. they’re both just so closed off and similar that they never were able to let anyone in to actually be their friend so when they became friends it was just magic, they’re soulmates in the friend sense. I also love his friendship that he gained with his sister (see above in Alexis).

A NOTP I have with said character: Stevie, Jake, Sebastien. Literally anyone who isn’t Patrick

A random headcanon: that he and Patrick are living their best lives in their cute little cottage house in schitt’s creek, expanding their business, and just loving their life. David knows he could live in this town forever if it meant being with Patrick - anywhere is home as long as they’re together.

General opinion of said character: MY BABY. he deserves the world and to be protected at all costs. there’s always been people connecting to characters in meaningful ways and I’ve never really seen that for myself - yes, I am a cisgendered heterosexual woman but i’ve never connected on a deep level to any cisgendered heterosexual women like not Alexis or Moira or any other female on other shows. however with David I can. David is sarcastic and has his walls up, he’s been taken advantage of time and time again. he’s been used and abused, he thought he’d never find love or happiness. I still find it hard sometimes to be optimistic and say I will find happiness and someone who will love me unconditionally but even though David isn’t a real person, just seeing him be so happy and loved so openly and wholly by Patrick gives me hope. I’ve been in emotionally abusive relationships, I’ve been used for just my body, I’ve been taken advantage of by exes and friends, I’m always there for people but yet I don’t get anything in return. So yeah this got away from me lmaooo but yeah i just love David Rose so fucking much.

Stevie

Sexuality headcanon: bisexual

Gender headcanon: female

A ship I have with said character: no one, my girl deserves the best and we haven’t seen that on the show

A BROTP I have with said character: David, Patrick, Alexis. I love all these friendships for different reasons. David because like I said, they’re soulmates but in a friend way. Patrick cause they’re both trolls. And Alexis, because Stevie’s never really had any girl friends before and having someone like Alexis look out for her and want her to be happy, I think it really helped Stevie gain confidence in herself and her abilities to run shit.

A NOTP I have with said character: Jake, Emir, any of the loser guys they set her up with. David, ugh they are not right romantically lol.

A random headcanon: that she spends as much time as she can bothering David by coming over to their house unannounced. Patrick just finds it hilarious because of course he does.

General opinion of said character: I love Stevie, I thought her ending was great, how she didn’t have a romantic interest and just was excited about their franchise of Rosebud Motel. I hope that if they ever do a special or a movie or something that they do give her a romantic partner because she deserves to be loved unconditionally.

Mutt

Sexuality headcanon: straight

Gender headcanon: male

A ship I have with said character: no one, i really dont care lmao

A BROTP I have with said character: does he even have friends???

A NOTP I have with said character: Alexis

A random headcanon: that he died

General opinion of said character: I don’t care lol

Jake

Sexuality headcanon: pansexual

Gender headcanon: male

A ship I have with said character: Jake doesn’t do monogamy so no one lol

A BROTP I have with said character: does he even have friends or does he just fuck everyone??

A NOTP I have with said character: Stevie, David.

A random headcanon: i don’t even know, i don’t think about Jake enough lol

General opinion of said character: he was a great character, I liked the drama he brought and how it also wasn’t really drama because Jake’s just Jake which is also something I loved. like you can’t hate him cause he’s just Jake. he does what he wants when he wants, he doesn’t do monogamy, he likes to have fun, but he doesn’t hurt anyone in the process because he’s upfront about it from the jump.

Send me a character & I’ll answer those questions

#anniemurphy #reply #ask meme #ask me #character meme #send me a character #alexis rose #david rose #ted mullens #patrick brewer #stevie budd #jake #mutt schitt #schitts creek #schitt's creek

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purplesurveys · 4 years ago

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1033

survey by tickticktmr

What's the best food to have at a sleepover? I’d have a blast at a sleepover if my friends and I were to get a square-cut cheese pizza with a box of wings. Cheesy nachos with beef would be great too.

How did you meet the last person you shared a bed with? We were introduced by our respective friends.

Do you like the yellow cheetos better or the orange ones? I don’t like Cheetos, period. Cheese puffs never did grow on me.

Where did you buy the shoes you wore today? My mom got it for me two Christmases ago.

Do you have any half siblings? Nope. But this year I found out I have a half-cousin (and possibly half-cousins) from a trash uncle who apparently fooled around behind my aunt’s back, but I have no desire to associate with her or that entire family altogether.

How many DVD players are in the house? We still have two lying around but we haven’t used either in 6–7 years.

Do you like the last song you heard on the radio? I cried, because I needed to hear the lyrics that were being sung.

Do you know anyone who has been on TV? Sure, mostly some of my friends’ parents.

When going shopping for junk food, what's the first thing you pick up? My eyes usually dart to the Pringles before anything else. And if there’s also any salted egg chips that looks appealing enough for me to pick up.

How would you react if you found out you had a long lost sister? I think my literal first reaction would be to be pissed at my parents for hiding such a secret from me for a long time. It would depend on how they explain the situation if I end up wanting to meet her or if I can do without.

At sleepovers, do you usually stay up all night or actually go to sleep? Hahaha I’m the grandma that passes out. I’ve never successfully stayed up at a sleepover and for some reason I’m always the first one to start getting sleepy. I guess all my friends’ bedrooms are really that comfy.

Is there anything in the room you're in that's really dusty? [continued from last night] For sure. There are some things in my room I barely use or move around so it definitely wouldn’t be a surprised if they’ve since gathered up a fine layer of dust.

Do you know anybody with different colored eyes? Yeah, someone from my high school has this condition.

Are any of your relatives vets? [continued AGAIN from the night before last, lmao send help] As far as I know, no. We’re not really the type of family that produces doctors, and I believe we lean more towards law.

Who cleans the most in your house? Oh my mom, for sure. She wants all chores done a certain way, and she’s always genuinely happy to do everything herself.

Do you own any shirts that cost over $100? No. I think my most expensive shirts are my wrestling ones, which never went above P3000, I think.

What about any shoes? Do you think that's a lot of money for clothes? Yeah, well shoes are generally more expensive so I’ve definitely spent more on sneakers than I’ve ever had on a shirt. I think a pair of shoes that go for P5000 is fine because for the most part it’s also already a testament to its quality. I draw the line at P5000 shirts, because you’re only paying for the label at that point.

What's the movie theatre in your town called? Ours don’t have names. Most of our cinemas are housed within malls, so whenever we make plans to watch a movie we just mention the mall.

How many minutes do you consider late? Idk man, I prize punctuality a lot. People to me are either early, on the dot, or late.

Is there any jam in the fridge right now? No, we don’t really consume jam. We’re not a very spread-y kind of family, come to think of it. We prefer meatier stuff in our sandwiches.

What did you get your best friend for their last birthday? I learned iMovie throughout my UTI-slash-fever horror experience so I can make a video for Gab that compiled her friends’ greetings in time for her birthday. I wasn’t able to get Angela anything because I was still looking for a job then and didn’t have any source of income; and because Gab broke up with me on that day so I was too distraught to be doing anything.

What about your mom's and dad's last birthdays? My dad was abroad for his last birthday. I didn’t get my mom anything because we don’t have that kind of relationship.

What kinds of food do you dunk into milk? Uhm mostly none, because I never really have milk unless I’m at a hotel or at a friend’s, lol. I’ve dipped chocolate chip cookies into milk several times though, and those didn’t turn out bad at all :) I’m a fan of the mushiness.

Do you have any current or past teachers on your facebook friends? A couple of my high school teachers are still my Facebook friends. I never added nor received requests from my college professors, which I prefer tbh because I’ve always viewed college profs as having a more professional vibe compared to my grade school and high school teachers, who were like parents to me.

Are there any baby pictures of you up? Like, the room I’m currently in? No but my school portrait from Prep is framed and hanging on my wall, which is the closest thing. I was already 7, though.

Do you have any friends who have bleached blonde hair? Nah. I have a lot of friends who’ve dyed their hair over the years, but none bleached all the way through. Gabie did, but just for her tips.

How much sugar do you like in your tea/coffee? Lots. I need every trace of it feeling like black coffee removed, haha.

What color is the cereal in your cupboard? We don’t eat cereals in this family; we’ve always enjoyed a classic Filipino breakfast. Sometimes we’ll get cereals I guess, but we never eat them the traditional way; my mom and sister usually just snack on them straight from the box on non-breakfast hours.

Are you wearing any jewlery that a boyfriend/girlfriend gave you? No.

Has a boyfriend/girlfriend ever given you jewlery? Yes.

Have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? Many times.

Would you rather work at a gas station or be a maid? I hate chores and touching other people’s stuff, so I’ll go with the gas station. I could meet different people from that job too, which sounds more interesting.

What's the closest store to your house called? Just Things. Basically sells hype merch, including the P5000 streetwear shirts I called out earlier, for all the hype heads in my area.

Do horror movies scare you more when they're 'based on a true story'? The biographical nerd in me obviously gets excited, but I don’t get scared. I get more invested when they include snippets or updates about the real-life counterparts and go beyond the vague ‘based on a true story’ banner.

Do you still talk to the last person who hurt you (emotionally)? Yeah but I really need some sort of coin bank thing for it for every time I do so because idk why I still hang around sometimes.

Is there an outdoor movie theatre where you live? Not where I live. But I do know that because of Covid, some malls outside of my city have started offering drive-in cinemas, which were never a thing here before.

What color was the last food you ate? Golden brown, yellow, black, red, green. It was a truffle and mushroom pizza that I treated my family to because I had gotten my first paycheck this week and I would’ve looked like an absolute ass if I spent it on anything else other than my family. I MEAN I wanted to treat them too, of course, but I won’t deny that there’s an underlying reason for me buying the food as well. Welcome to a firstborn’s life in the Philippines (and in Asia, tbh).

Have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? My mom has been tipsy, but not drunk. My dad never lets himself get swayed by alcohol. He’ll still get a single bottle of beer, but I’ve never seen his demeanor change.

How expensive is too expensive for a pair of jeans? Anything above P7,000 or P7,500, maybe.

After seeing a movie, do you go to a site to enter a review about it? Nah, I’m not the Letterboxd type of person. I’ll sometimes tweet about a movie, but only if I found it good or intriguing enough.

Have you ever done that? No. I’m not the best movie reviewer, so even though I’m aware of Letterboxd’s or IMDb’s appeal I’ve always been too shy to share my thoughts or ratings just in case someone ends up criticsplaining a movie to me.

Would you consider McDonald's a restaurant? I know what route this question is getting to but I’m too tired to defend my thought process, so suffice it to say I love McDonald’s, lol.

Do your parents vote? LOL my mom only started doing so again when I registered - before 2016, she cast her last vote back in 1992. Of course, her opinions were wrong for both the presidential (2016) and senatorial elections (2019) haha.

My dad does not vote and he stopped giving a shit about Philippine politics when he started working abroad 20 years ago and increasingly spent more time overseas than he does in his home country. Which, honestly, as sad and bad as it sounds, I totally understand. He’s completely detached from the goings-on in our country that to make him vote would be just as useful as letting him purely guess his choices.

Are there any creepy pictures up on the walls of your house? We’ve never gotten such a comment before, so no.

What's the last thing you were excited to eat? The pizzas I bought tonightttttt :> I got truffle and mushroom pizza and quattro formaggi pizzas and they were from Motorino, this fancy (and pricey) place I used to go on dates in that I haven’t visited so long.

It’s hilarious because I didn’t even plan on buying any food today as I’m stingy with money...but in my shift today I was tasked to order food bundles for certain media partners we regularly collaborate with. I kept ordering all these fucking pizzas for people I don’t even know and I got so jealous???? So I ended up buying for myself at the end of the day HAHAHAH

Do you ever hit electronics if they don't work? I smack them against a surface, but I rarely hit them with my own hand.

Who’s the most romantic person you ever went out with? I’ve only gone out with one person and, her toxic traits aside, I highly doubt any future prospect would ever come remotely close to her.

Is there anything hanging from the ceiling in your room? My bedroom light.

How would you react if your best friend was pregnant/got someone pregnant? She’s not planning on having a kid any time soon so I would assume it happened by accident, and I would assume she would be in distress. That said, my instinct would be to be there for her and support her in whatever she does moving forward.

Do you know who Lisa Simpson is? Sure thing, she’s my favorite.

Have you ever had a crush on the last person you spoke to online? No. I’ve never even met her.

Have you ever seen the last person you hugged dressed up fancy? Sure, my grandma dresses up for parties and other formal events.

(If your parents married), Do you know where they got engaged? No. My dad didn’t even pop the question; at some point they just sat each other down, had a long talk, and decided they’d get engaged. Idk where it happened though. Maybe while on a date somewhere?

What color was the last cup you drank out of? Copper.

What was the last picture you printed of? I honestly can’t tell you. I’ve printed a number of documents for various adulting tasks lately, but I don’t know the last time I specifically printed out a photo.

What restaurant has the best fries? I’d have to go with Army Navy. Or if we’re going with fast food, Jollibee.

What does your mailbox look like? We don’t have one. Messengers just insert envelopes through our screen door.

Have you ever gotten something stuck on the roof? We have a rooftop, so that’s never been a problem for us.

Have you ever had a surprise party thrown for you? No. I don’t think I’ve ever been that important for anyone.

Is the room you're in organized? It can do with some fixing, but it’s not terrible.

Would your mom make a good president? She’d be the most organized, neurotic, and punctual president in the history of presidents, but I doubt she’d be of help in conflict resolution or law-making, or any decision-making aspects that go with being president.

The 2nd class you had last time you went to school: ever skipped it? I don’t think I ever skipped that class in the short time I took it before Covid took over.

Do your aunts and uncles have kids? Yeah, nearly everyone does.

Is this survey interesting so far? I liked it.

Do you say fancy or formal? Or something else? Depends on the context. I use both as I think they have different connotations anyway.

Does your English teacher have kids? The last English professor I had doesn’t.

Does your computer make a lot of noise? The fan whirs when the laptop gets too busy. The noise is definitely noticeable considering how quiet my laptop is 98% of the time; but I wouldn’t call it bothersome.

Do you see movies at home or in the theatre more? Home. I watch at the cinema like, a maximum of 5 times a year.

What's your favorite thing to eat during a movie? Potato Corner fries. Non-negotiable.

#survey #surveys

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gettingvetted · 5 years ago

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Personal rant time!

The clinic owner of the practice who has offered me a job got royally pissed that I asked again for a higher salary. She basically “professionally” went off on me in an email, essentially telling me that I am implying that she won’t keep her word to pay me better if possible, just at a later date and not now? She insists that she offers a comparable salary and benefits to her competitors (false) and heavily implied that if we’d had an in-person interview and I’d negotiated like this, then she wouldn’t have found me to be a good fit for the practice and wouldn’t have offered me the job.

I went ahead and signed the contract as-is and sent an apology, but have been talking to a ton of people about it since then. They are all saying that I should run away, because a) she offered me a very low salary, poor benefits, and a restrictive non-compete clause to start with and refused to really give any concessions there, b) if she is getting upset with me for trying to negotiate then she is not a good business owner, and c) having to insist that she is an honorable person that doesn’t hide things means that she probably is not.

One of the other things that is grinding my gears is that she has not been fully honest with me about the reasons that she has had 4 associates leave in the past year. She insists that it is all about them not being “suited” to the rural area, or following their significant others elsewhere. Meanwhile my best friend from undergrad is from that town and used to work for that vet and knows the two associates that most recently left, and they actually left because they were massively overworked and massively underpaid, and the practice owner and longer-term veterinarian would not step up to take some of the work load off the shoulders of the newer associates. The practice owner does not know that I know these things about her associates.

This friend from undergrad today insisted that I’m not worth the salary that I think I am. She insists that the averages I’m finding are for seasoned vets and I can’t possibly expect to start at their average salary, and that even though this practice owner is offering me less than average it doesn’t mean anything because an average means that half of the numbers are below that. She said that all first jobs suck and don’t pay you what you’re worth and I just need to “man up and get over it.” She said that the practice owner’s email was not unprofessional, that she was merely reacting to having her feelings hurt. She said that the practice owner has no reason to offer me a higher salary because she doesn’t know whether I’m going to be a good vet or maker her any money. She also said that I need to back out of the contract now because I don’t trust the practice owner and I have already offended her before even meeting her so there is going to be bad blood before I even start, and my attitude toward the situation is inappropriate.

I explained to her that the averages I’m looking at are literally for new graduate veterinarians practicing mixed animal medicine in the state where the practice is, and that since the practice is offering me a lower salary than 1 standard deviation from the mean salary, that means they are offering me less than what 90% of new graduates practicing mixed animal medicine in that state are offered to start. I told her that the people telling me to run away are seasoned veterinarians who examine contracts for hundreds of students each year so they know what they’re doing and they know what to expect out of a new graduate contract. I also told her that while I haven’t given the practice owner a reason to trust me yet, she has also been hiding things from me too, as described above.

My friend told me that I’m being selfish and unrealistic and that she was getting annoyed just listening to me, and says that the practice owner is going to know that I don’t like her from the start and that I’m not going to like the town or the job or the boss so I should just back out now. She said that we shouldn’t talk about it anymore because she was getting offended on the part of the practice owner because she likes her “even though she does shady things sometimes.” Okay???

This person is my best friend, but she just clearly doesn’t understand the standards and negotiation process of a veterinary contract. Just because she is used to this practice owner’s way of doing things doesn’t mean it’s the standard or even remotely acceptable. Idk. I’m just so pissed off about this entire thing. I am actively looking for other jobs and have found a likely candidate elsewhere, as well as given my information to several recruiters. If I haven’t found something else by this time next month, I will probably give up and go to work at the original place, but not be ashamed about looking for something else if I’m not happy. It just sucks because I want to stay in one place for a few years and this is not looking like that place.

#personal log #rant #employment

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lesbianfreyja · 5 years ago

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hey so im abt to graduate ha and i trust ur opinion i think so like no pressure but if u could just give me any input whatsoever that comes to mind thatd be Great. im taking a Gap Year next year bc even though my act and sat rank 95th percentile and i have an unweighhed 3.7 gpa w almost all ap classes i was rejected and/or waitlisted from every college i applied to. granted my safety was a 66% acceptance rate and its the best school in my state but Still (1/2)

(2/2) Anyways. im taking a gap year and i need to be Productive and Build My Resume more. im looking to pursue public policy math and music bc i play cello. i also want to read more (books articles Everything). i just want to know if unhave Thoughts on what would be good to do during my gap year. book recommendations, habits to adapt, types of things get involved in, whatever. i have a general plan of what im doing next yr but i just want lile Smaller things that will kind of keep me Going ig

omg wow well-- congrats on graduating first of all!!!

i personally didnt take a gap year/couldnt because idk how i’d ever get back in the flow of things, but you do whats best for u!! im not really sure what to recommend for you, but i’d definitely build the resume. personally, i don’t really believe in volunteering or internships, but maybe get a part-time/temporary job in the field you think you ultimately wanna pursue & do that a couple times a week. it’ll look good later that you have Experience In The Field -- even if you dont actually do anything relevant (for example if you wanted to be a vet & you just were the receptionist for one) future employers will think it’s great that you were in that environment, and it’s always good to have some extra pocket money anyways

books i’d recommend: things that interest you! if youre gonna be keeping busy during your year, then books/articles could potentially be reserved for Just Having Fun & Relaxing. it really depends on what you wanna learn about, ive read tons of interesting things so just lmk, there’s always ways to find books that teach you things while still being fiction or interesting (for example i read a book once that taught me a bit about getting published, because the main character published a book and it talked me through that process she went thru). also, i occasionally like to calm down and read smthng a bit mind-sparking while i play music and light incense/candles (for example, poetry or sylvia plath makes me feel Like An Intellectual). go to ur local library and browse around OR to a book sale and just pick up stuff that sounds interesting.

habits to adapt!! where i’m at right now, id suggest learning some basic life skills. what i mean is that i just moved out a couple days ago, and it’s occurring to me that i never learned how to cook rlly basic meals with a few core ingredients and stuff like that. pick something you think you should know before youre on your own and do it: make a few core meals from just ground meat/sauce/onions/whatever (my sister has like 5 ingredients that she just uses to make everything, it’s fast and tasty and a good idea). i grew up with siblings & already worked on some social skills in college, but if you havent, get used to breaking out of ur shell a little (i spent my first year friendless bc i Do Not know how to make friends). pick some things you wanna learn how to do and just begin the process of doing them--if you ever wanted to be somebody else, now’s the time to start making the change. learn how to do ur own laundry, learn how to use a dishwasher, start to clean your own room or communal living spaces. even the smallest things u pick up will be good to know later.

also, and idk if this is applicable to you, but you could always take some community college classes & transfer the credits later so you have a head start. i also generally recommend that if ur not getting in anywhere u want, go somewhere cheap & close and then transfer a year into the game, it’s MUCH easier. i’d also figure out where ur gonna go next year and start to get to know some people from the area so youre not just suddenly on ur own....even if you just talk to them online for the next year or so and dont get to meet up til you go (if its far).

keep up with ur cello so you dont lose the skill in a year, it’s hard to pick things back up once u let it slip! take some online classes about public policy math so youve got a head start & can maybe even skip some intro classes! overall i’d just say to take the time to work on yourself and DONT let it get too stressful. relax and have fun, you dont know when ur gonna get unlimited time off like this ever again and with few obligations like rent, so enjoy it!!! and congrats again!!!

#anon #ask

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thelightofthingshopedfor · 6 years ago

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have 8 million things to do very soon and I can tell that I'm riiiiiight on the edge of a depression spiral (which is itself at least partly caused by being overwhelmed, dealing with it poorly and becoming more overwhelmed, and hating myself for dealing with it poorly) which is SUPER GREAT TIMING. so obviously I'm making a list, because sometimes that helps.

things I absolutely must do this weekend:

finish the hair repaint on my current Etsy order so I can mail it Monday or earlier

do anything I might need to do for the other outstanding order that the customer also wants in time for Christmas somehow, so that when the parts arrive on MONDAY I can put the thing together and mail it almost immediately (damn well better show up on Monday, which is itself irritating because the site said free 2-day shipping but nobody really means that when they ship to Alaska)

wrap and prepare any gifts I want to mail out because I should also send those no later than Monday, and in fact earlier would have been better, but for some reason every year I'm like "eh, it's fine, there's time" right up until there suddenly isn't

do...whatever I still need to do with Tumblr. import to Wordpress, back up the whole thing to my computer with one of several methods I've reblogged, try to find specific posts I want to save (original posts and anything tagged "fic ideas" will be tedious but at least easy to find; no idea about other stuff)

semi-related: add something to my Dreamwidth profile so it's not...blank

haul some more stuff to Value Village and other donation sites, because I’m about to pick up a bunch of shit that will take up too much space in my car (somewhat related: books, music, movies, and toys are 40% off today and tomorrow, which is unusual for them)

set up the damn tree, like even if we don't put ornaments on it I'd at least like to have the tree up (requires digging it out of the garage, which is a disaster and very much not my disaster)

do something with my dad and sister for my birthday (but first, figure out what and when, and like...I don’t have the mental energy for that)

try to get more birthday donations for SPLC (I went with Trevor Project last year and got several donations without doing much to promote it, so I don't know if this one's getting a lot less because it seems more political, or algorithms are hiding this and a lot of my other posts, or a lot of people have deliberately snoozed me because of my political posts, or...something else, idk)

transfer stuff into my new planner, because my current one is close enough to the end that it's not very useful anymore

other things that don't necessarily have to happen this weekend but should happen in the really near future, both because they need to get done and because they're contributing to my overall mental load that means everything is overwhelming:

figure out how to send in the claim for my car accident last year to my life-insurance-and-a-few-other-things company, because it's worth $50 (should probably also see if I can get something similar for the earthquake, because I think it did fuck up my neck a little more, and $50 is $50 when I'm paying them that much each month)

list other things on Etsy...now that it's too late to take advantage of holiday sales 😖

also, bug the rescue group again about recent vet info to figure out whether she has any pre-existing conditions and when she needs a checkup (maybe soon, because she seems to scratch herself a LOT and sometimes she gets kind of wheezy)

also also, try to figure out ways to work on her separation anxiety and general hyperness, which I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO because it's all a gradual process that I don't really have time for, and I have yet to find a smart/puzzle toy or a good chew toy that really seems to occupy her attention so I guess I still need to try more, and apparently mental stimulation through training can be good for anxiety and hyperactivity both so I should really be working on extremely basic commands on my own probably??

shit that's right I also need to figure out if I want to get her on VCA Care Club and do research for pet insurance that might be better than the one we had for Scully

get myself back into a better Planet Fitness habit, because I didn't go at all this week and I've definitely dropped off in the last few weeks, which is partly because I've been busy with other things INCLUDING THE GIANT EARTHQUAKE but partly because the main reason I was good about it before was that I literally tricked myself into wanting to work out so I could listen to The Adventure Zone, and once I caught up on that, nothing else I've tried (MBMBAM, occasional TAZ updates, Night Vale) has quite filled the gap of "hilarious goofs + suspenseful long-form narrative" that makes me actually want to work out, so...either I need to figure out how make myself go without that motivation (mixed success so far or I wouldn't be talking about it or feeling guilty about it) or find another podcast I want to binge. and try to figure out if there's any point to asking them to stop playing so many news channels (especially Fox two or three times and fucking OAN once) at the TV bank for the cardio machines, because that is...honestly another thing that makes me not want to go

related: somehow find a way to make myself do my core exercises regularly, because slacking on those and slacking on Planet Fitness is probably part of the reason my headaches and neck and general constant exhaustion have maybe been worse lately, AND ALSO start regularly doing the exercises that are supposed to help with my newish hand/wrist pain, all of which sucks because a big ol' theme here is me having a hard time forming un-fun new long-term habits (exercise, going to bed earlier) that are crucial for improving basically every part of my life and not worsening the health problems i already have

TYPE UP MY DAMN NOTEBOOKS and organize everything so I actually know how much I have in my current WIPs; now that my computer is back there's no excuse for not doing this

also like...write. in general. now that I have a Christmas-related idea I'd kinda like to do and I also want to do a Yuletide treat, and maybe Avengers: Endgame isn't really a deadline for lots of other fics but also it kind of is

actually organize my backups so they're not a disaster and it's not a crisis next time I have computer problems (plus like, I'm going to need everything backed up when I upgrade)

research and buy a CPU, motherboard, SSD, and maybe new PSU, ideally without spending a horrendous amount of money

make more progress in SWTOR because there's no guarantee how long it's going to be around and tbh it's ridiculous I haven't finished all the class storylines despite having been a subscriber for like. SEVEN YEARS

unfuck my iTunes library YET AGAIN

find a therapist, because I've probably been needing one for a while but a huge theme in all of this is being overwhelmed because I have too much to do and don't know how to deal with it, and then getting into guilt and self-loathing because I dealt with it badly and it got worse, and I'm increasingly sure it's my not-really-diagnosed-or-treated ADHD starting this old, old cycle to begin with and that means it's even more important to find a therapist who will actually. do stuff. with the ADHD. instead of just kinda...dropping it.

slight problem though, adding yet another regular appointment means less time for...everything else and that doesn't exactly help with being overwhelmed, so it's like...a disincentive to pursue it

the only thing I really want to do:

sleep for about a year

#bad adult #brains behaving badly #for future reference

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blackbackedjackal · 6 years ago

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Hey BBJ, I'm a bit of a young vulture but I've been having a lot of trouble dealing with criticisms espec. from my parents. My older sister is really supportive of me (She's a vulture as well) but my mom doesn't like it because she thinks it's 1) gross, 2) Anything that tries to show death/corpses in a positive light is Unchristian, 3) Only psychopaths would want to collect the remains of dead things. Other people I know are also grossed out, and it's really disheartening but my sister (1/2)

(2/2) really wants me to continue with my interest in this stuff. What can I or should I say to people who think it’s gross and awful? I’m too young to move out yet, and I can understand things like “don’t keep a lot of bones because we don’t want the house getting cluttered”, but that’s not what my fam/friends are remarking on. I love your blog by the way :)

I’m sorry to hear that! Although I can understand your parents being like ‘don’t do processing in the house’ or something, I’ll never understand parents who won’t at least talk to their children and take some form of interest in what hobbies their child wants to participate in.

I will say that I waited till I was a bit older, 19, when I started getting into the VC. I had always been interested in like skulls and such, and had a few tails and a fur rug, but I waited until I was out of the house in my own apartment before I really started collecting. From my experience, the easiest thing is to keep your interest in the VC and participate in other ways like buying vulture art or other commodities before investing in real parts, or just get small things that are already cleaned like tiny skulls or pelts that are easy to store. Build up a tiny collection to show your parents that doing it isn’t that gross or scary, then when you get older jump full throttle into getting more stuff! You can also always take this time to educate yourself, like buying VC related books and reading up tutorials and such on how to do animal processing, so that when you can finally do it on your own you know how to get started! But to argue the points your parents are making to try and discourage you:1. Cleaned specimens go though many chemical processes, including acid baths, household cleaners, bactericides, and disinfectants. A properly cleaned specimen is cleaner then a household toilet or sink or toothbrush, so it’s not any more ‘gross’ then things you use everyday.2. Christians preserve and bury their dead for the belief that Jesus will one day raise them again and so seeing dead things in a positive life is Christian (I should know because my family has owned a funeral home for 100 years). And Christians literally glorify a man who died and came back to life sooooo (please don’t actually say that to your mom but my point is that it’s REALLY hypocritical to say that LMAO). It’s also in the Bible to like love and respect all God’s creatures (or something idk I haven’t stepped into a church in like 10 years) and preserving their remains is just another form of respect.

3. Then I guess any biologist, vet, natural history curator, zoologist, taxidermist and literally anyone who works on animals for research, study, conservation, and preservation is also a ‘psychopath’. There are many professions that require you to work with dead animals from time to time, and they’re all legitimate jobs and fields of study and deserve as much respect as anyone else who works with animals. But listen, don’t be discouraged by what other people are telling you. You gotta learn to love yourself by being true to yourself and if VC is what you’ve chosen to be interested in then fuck what other people have to say about it. Don’t let any negativity get you down and keep you from doing what you love. Be respectful of your home situation, like don’t do anything that will actively get you in trouble but there’s more then one way to skin a cat and there’s more then one way to be a vulture. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone and if people don’t like it then fuck ‘em. Don’t let other people control your interests and passions, because the community will always be supportive of you.

#vulture culture #ask

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engagedtobefree · 7 years ago

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A Change of Heart

Monday - In the morning I am at the coffee machine when Scott comes in. He must have thought I wasn’t waiting for him since I wasn’t at the printer. When he rounds the corner and sees me, he exclaims, “Dana!!”. I never knew how to take this the few other times he’s said my name like this, since he says it in a way that friends would, but now it makes me feel all warm inside as I understand now that he’s excited to see me. One day last week I was making tea while Scott happened to be in the bathroom (I did hear someone walk by but I didn’t know who it was). When he had come out of the bathroom and saw me standing there, he couldn’t help but break into a smile. I truly wonder how exactly seeing me makes him happy like that. I know why seeing him makes me happy, and I wonder if it’s for the same reasons on his end.

It’s trainee week and I nicked us each a cookie upstairs before they’re all gone. When I go into Scott’s office to give it to him, he looks down at the cookie than up at me and says, “You’re so thoughtful.” I feel I ruin it by saying, “I guess” and then add on “You’re the only person I get stuff for.” “Well I appreciate it.” I can feel my heart pulsing with happiness. He gave me a compliment, but not on my appearance, and I appreciate that he appreciates me. I realize later in the week that probably all of my compliments/flirting have been geared toward appearance, and I make a mental note to tell Scott something I like about him non-appearance related first chance I get. When my lunch is over and I get up out of the seat, I go to adjust my pants and my shirt pops up a little above my right hip, showing some skin. I see Scott look there for half a second, and then he looks away with a look of guilt on his face. I know it’s just a small patch of skin and that it’s not even a sexual part of my body, but I know how there have been times where I’ve new parts of Scott (ie. chest hair, arms not covered by long sleeves) and it’s been enough for me to swoon over. Idk why the guilty face though. I wonder if it’s that conflicted part of him since he’s married, or maybe he was just embarrassed that I caught him looking.

At the end of the day, I talk to Scott in his doorway. We somehow get on the topic of my asthma and he asks me what it’s like. I don’t really know what to tell him except that it’s just not being able to breathe, and that the more you try to breathe the worse it seems to get. I haven’t had an attack in years, and I think I have most likely outgrown it, which can happen. He mentions how he remembers going to school with a kid who had asthma and he was always taking his inhaler. I tell him that that was me. I was the nerdy kid who had an inhaler, braces, glasses, and big frizzy hair. He laughs and then continues to smile at me. But for real, my transformations over my elementary school days are incredible. In some photos, mainly middle school, you can’t even tell it’s me. Well, at least that’s what I think, or maybe I’m just hoping that’s the case lol.

Something I didn’t write in last week’s post that I wanted to was how I always somehow know when Scott is around. So Friday I was sitting and working at my desk when I heard someone shuffling through papers next to the printer. This happens about 100 times a day, so it’s something I pay no attention to, but without even thinking I turn around and look. It’s Scott. I turn back to my computer, but then a few seconds later he is in my doorway saying “Hey, Dane.” I spin around. He asks me about an order and I joke with him and then he goes back to his office. A few minutes later I hear someone shuffling papers again, and again, for no reason, I turn and look. Scott is looking down at a paper, but this time he’s facing my cubicle. He looks up at me, gives me a little smile while he nods his head up and says, “Got it”. I give him a little smile back. He must have been waiting for a fax, but I hadn’t heard anything go through in those few minutes, but I either tuned the beeping out or he didn’t see it in the pile the first time.

Tuesday - While I’m talking to Scott during my lunch, somehow the mention of birthdays comes up, so I take this opportune moment to ask him when his birthday is. He hesitates before answering, and when he does answer, I can hear the apprehension in his voice. I find this odd, but don’t show any signs that I noticed anything. His birthday is January 15th. I tell him my birthday is October 15th and how it’s funny they’re on the same day (not exact same day, but he knew what I meant). The bit of anxiety that I picked up on disappears after I say this. I think he was afraid of something, but in the moment I can’t imagine what it could possibly be. I wonder later in the day what interactions we had on his birthday since it was on a Monday, so I go on my tumblr to see. As soon as I see it, I don’t even have to read to know what happened that day. I have not forgotten that day, and had I not been on Cloud 9 of finally knowing his birthday, I would have immediately realized the significance of that day. It was Martin Luther King Jr Day and also the day my guinea pig, Max, passed away. I spent the whole morning at my desk, worrying about leaving Max at home. Then I went home during my lunch, saw him bleeding, and took him to the vet. I had gone back to work after the vet told me he would most likely be okay. I vaguely remember waving to Scott as he sat in his car during his lunch as I practically ran inside, trying to hide the fact I had spent the past hour crying. I was at work another hour before getting the phone call that Max had passed away, and then I left work for the rest of the day. I spent a majority of Scott’s birthday in tears. I am crying even as I write this. I have not fully dealt with Max’s death yet, hence why I have not written the 2nd post about him that I wanted to write. I still want to and am going to write it, but it’s so hard. I still miss the little guy so much. I went back to work the next day and I remember telling Scott about how Max died the day before. I don’t know if Scott remembers that, as I feel he would have been more inclined to since Max’s death happened on his birthday, but I think that Scott didn’t really take in too much about me during our early stages, so I can;t be sure if he remembers this. I think that that is one possibility though as to why he was apprehensive about telling me his birthday, because he thought I might realize the significance of the date. Another reason I came up with was that maybe he was nervous I was going to ask him the year he was born, but I already know how old he is thanks to White Pages, and I mean, even before that I already knew he was much older than me. These are the only 2 reasons I could come up with, but it could still be something else I haven’t thought of. (Fun Fact: If you add up the single digits of our ages, you get the same number. So he’s 44 and 4 + 4 = 8. I’m 26 and 2 + 6 = 8. I have way too much time on my hands). At one point during our conversation during this lunch, I say something, though I can’t remember what, but Scott gives me such a tender look after that melts my heart.

Wednesday - Joyce and I go to talk to our big boss Angelo in the morning about our concerns about moving to the second floor. He hears us out and then says he’s meeting with his boss later, so he will bring everything to his attention then. I stay behind to ask Angelo how my hiring process is going. He says the HR woman is on vacation this week but that he talked to her last week and she’s almost done all of my paperwork, so we should hear something by the end of next week. I am so excited that any day now I will be a permanent employee.

When I turn to look at Scott as I wait by the printer, I am in awe. He’s been wearing company shirts lately since they’re all short-sleeve, and he has on the one that I like best on him. It’s a medium gray with some light blue accents in it, and it fits him really well. I immediately think of how nice he looks but because our greeting always happens so fast and he walks in his office, I don’t get get to tell him this.

After I finish my lunch, I go into Scott’s doorway and ask him if he wants a cannoli or fruit or anything. He says “no thanks” and I linger for a few seconds longer in the doorway, beaming at him. He breaks into a smile and I think about how handsome he is before walking away. When I come back downstairs I go into his doorway again. “You look nice today.” He responds with a modest “Thank you.” “You always look nice though.” He thanks me again. I go in and sit in the chair next to his desk like I always do now and talk to him for the rest of my lunch. I also tell him “Oh, I saw something yesterday and thought of you.” I word it specifically in this way for obvious reasons. It was only something I saw about apple cider vinegar helping with acid reflux, which he has, but I thought if he wanted to try it to see if it helped he had this information now to do so. I also tell him how I met with Angelo this morning with Joyce and also how I will be hired any day now. He’s always genuinely happy for me. He has become the first person I always want to tell anything to, whether good or bad. I’ve somehow been building trust with Scott without even realizing it.

I had wanted to grab some fruit upstairs, but some of the trainee guys were still in there. I don’t mind grabbing the cookies and whatnot cuz it takes me and extra 3 seconds, but piling fruit on a plate takes longer, and I don’t want to stay in there longer than necessary because I get uncomfortable (more about this on Thursday). So I decide to go up and grab some about 10 minutes after my lunch, and when I go up, Scott is in there heating his food. He’s looking at me and he asks if I ate yet. He already knows I finished my lunch, but I think maybe he was just being hopeful about it and that he could talk to me a bit more. I tell him I ate already and that I was just grabbing some fruit since I didn’t earlier. I wish I could talk to him more than we do, but it’s hard to at work. If I could switch my lunch without it being obvious that I was doing it so that I could spend it with Scott, I would. I remember back toward the beginning of all this with Scott I said he seems like someone I could just talk with for hours over coffee, and I was right. I feel like I could talk to him all day and never be bored.

While Scott is still on lunch, at one point I look at a sticky trap on the ground at one end of my cubicle, which required me rolling over to where my cubicle entrance is. We have these traps for bugs, and there have been those little red spider mites infesting our windows and I see at least one daily on my desk. I’m doubtful as to whether any mites have actually gotten trapped (none have), and as I’m investigating inside the trap, Scott walks by. He tells me how our back door isn’t working and won’t let anyone inside, so he was told to put a sign there. I roll over to the other end of my doorway and get as close to him as I can. I look up at his smiling face and I want nothing more than to be as close as possible to this man.

I take an order out to the warehouse while Scott is out there. I pass by him and we lock eyes and greet each other, smirking. As I’m heading back, Scott is not too far ahead of me. I already walk faster than him, but I quicken my pace to catch up. As he crosses over the one walkway, I am just about to say, “Scott, wait up!” when he stops and waits for me on the other side, so I don’t have to say anything. We walk back in to the offices together. I do most of the talking, but it’s fine. I’m just happy he stopped on his own to wait for me.

Angelo comes over in the late afternoon and tells Joyce and I that we will be staying where we are, and that if we did have to move, things would just have to rearranged on the first floor in order for us to stay down there. We are ecstatic. I had a really good feeling things were going to pull off for us in some way, and I was not disappointed. I thought at the least Angelo would tell us we’d still be moving but would just stay on the first floor somewhere; I never imagined we would be told we could stay where we are though. I don’t immediately go tell Scott, but I don’t wait too long, half an hour maybe. I go to heat up my tea so I can walk by his office and possibly tell him. I am glowing inside and I decide that I really want him to look at me this time, since he doesn’t always turn to look at me when I walk by. I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence, or if he sensed me coming (my light/good vibes), or if me deciding he was going to turn to look at me had anything to do with it, but Scott does actually turn to look at me. He’s glowing just as much as I imagine I am. He turns back to his computer after a few seconds, but instead of walking by, I stop in the doorway. “We’re not moving, we get to stay where we are.” Me, him, and Steve chat for a few minutes, and Scott is still beaming at me. I say, “I got 2 out of 2 today.” “So you’re having a good day, huh?” “Yeah, I am.” Again, he is so genuinely happy for me. It fills me up with even more joy.

Thursday - Scott comes in in the morning while I’m at the coffee machine. A guy, Tom, is at the printer, so when Scott rounds the corner, he doesn’t have his face set into a small smile like he normally does when I’m there. However, when he rounds the corner, he breaks into a grin when he sees me there waiting to greet him. I think I actually like this better than the printer sometimes because 1. He’s always pleasantly surprised to see me there and 2. It’s easier for us to make eye contact since I don’t have to turn around and can already be facing his direction.

During lunch he tells me I look nice. I can feel myself glowing. We have the trainees here this week, and I mention how I hate going upstairs when they’re here because someone always has to make a comment at me. I have never divulged this information to anyone, and my only guess as to why I said this to Scott was because I feel so safe with him. “Like what?”, he responds. “Oh, idk, they just say weird things to me for no reason.” “What do they say to you?”. He seems very put-off by this information, not in a jealous way, but in a protective sort of way. He’s concerned for sure. “Well, they just say stupid and weird things. I don’t really remember any because I ignore them. Today when I went up to put my lunch bag back in the fridge, a guy said to me ‘What did you bring us to eat?’. I just walked away.” I did just walk away, but I forgot I also said, “Nothing, you have food.” There’s no need to comment to me. “They always have to say something, but it’s always something dumb. I guess they’re just trying to be...” “Funny?” “Yeah.” One side of Scott’s mouth lifts up into an unconvincing half-smile. I think he can probably tell this makes me uncomfortable. For the most part, the trainees are okay. Most of them give me a friendly “hello”, which is totally okay and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, while they are waiting in line for their food, I will sense and/or see one or two watching me, but that is also fine. It’s when I walk in and I can very much feel a man’s eyes penetrating me, and then he just has to say something to me, like he needs my attention, I get this weird uncomfortable feeling. I don’t know how to explain it. I don’t know if most men have ever felt this way at all, but I’m sure any woman would understand what I mean. It was Tuesday or Wednesday I was coming down the stairs, and though I am small-chested, my breasts still very much bounce. When I lifted my head, there was a guy in the entrance hall and he was very noticeably looking at my breasts. While I didn’t like it, he at least didn’t say anything to me. I know men look. However, I thought back to the day Scott had his glasses on, when he was talking to the receptionist and how when I came down the stairs and looked up, he was looking at my face. Whether he looked at my boobs, I don’t know, but even if he did, he didn’t keep looking. I’m not just viewed sexually by him.

Some time during or after Scott’s lunch, he makes some tea. I had just made some coffee a few minutes prior. I go right up next to him and he turns to face his whole body toward me, and I tell him I need a coffee stirrer. I am standing literally an inch away from him, and I feel such a strong pull to just step forward and press myself against him. Scott is smiling and his face is so close to mine. He didn’t move over as I came walking up next to him. I go over to the printer to retrieve a random email I printed merely for the sake of having a reason to get up to talk to Scott before I decided on the idea to grab a coffee stirrer. I didn’t need the coffee stirrer just like I didn’t need to print anything. I see Scott is holding an apple and we get on the topic of organic fruit.

At the end of the day, I walk past Scott’s office to the recycling bin and he is getting ready to leave, a.k.a. actually leaving on time. He asks me if I heard that the people who were supposed to be coming to our company may not even be coming now. So pretty much my whole worry about having to move may have been for nothing. Cool. I go to log off my computer and grab my stuff, taking my time. I wonder if I should go back to Scott’s office or walk out, but since he seemed to be further along in the getting-ready-lo-leave process, I figure I’ll just slowly walk out. Then I slowly put my things in my car. It’s been roughly 3 minutes. Okay... I start to hope he wasn’t waiting for me, because now I feel like a dick. I am still over on the passenger side of my car, so lean over and act like I’m doing something in my bag, and when I see the door start to open, I stand up and act like I’m on my phone. I look up at Scott and he stops for a split second and then slowly continues to his car. He’s got that mischievous, sly smile on his face, which I return right back to him.

Friday - Scott is leaving early today for a follow-up on his eyes. Normally I wait until like 12:25ish to go see him, but today I go about 10 minutes earlier since I haven’t talked to him all day yet. As I’m making my way down the hall toward his door, I can see he’s eating and that he might not see me coming, but I also don’t want to disturb his lunch unless he invites me in, so I shuffle my feet a bit as I walk so he hears me. He looks up at me and smiles and says his usual, “Hey, what’s up, Dana?”, so I go in.

We talk about quite a bit in the half hour I’m in there. I ask him how he’s doing with Steve in there, since I heard him coughing to death this morning. Scott says he’s been spraying Lysol disinfectant at the end of every day, which I did hear him do on Monday. I say, “Yeah, I heard him earlier and thought ‘Scott is probably pressed up against the wall right now.’” I ask him if he is paranoid about getting sick, because I remember the end of January when I was super sick and got out the hospital, he asked me literally 3 times in one conversation if I was sure he was better. He gives me a funny look I can’t read, but I think maybe he is surprised that I actually remembered something so far back.

We talk about shoes and shopping, and I mention how I’m going shopping Monday with my friend who is going to Jamaica, and he says he loves it there and that he’s been there 3 times. I wonder for about the 50th time if that’s where he got married, but I don’t feel that uncomfortable, jealous pang like I used to; I think I’ve been slowly working through it. Scott offers me some of his yogurt, which is sweet. I decline, but the sentiment means a lot to me that he would share his food with me. To me, it’s a symbol of trust.

We also get on the topic of his eye-doctor appointment and Scott mentions how he honestly doesn’t remember what my glasses look like. He can’t seem to make up his mind on this topic, but I think 2 weeks ago when he said I looked good in my glasses that he was trying to make up for his blunder of calling my type of glasses “nerd glasses”. Before I realize what I’m saying, I blurt out, “Oh! I have a pic of me in my glasses on my phone.” Then internally I go, “Shit, now we have to show Scott a selfie, and not even that great of one.” I could always say, “Nevermind, I must have taken it off my phone” or something, but I don’t. I show Scott one of the few pics I have of me in my glasses. I showed him a picture yesterday of an absolutely beautiful sunset I took of the lake out back back in the fall, and he had stared at that a good bit before handing my phone back to me. He stares at my selfie considerably longer, and I don’t know how to take that. He starts saying how most people think they look stupid in glasses but that others don’t think that about them, and how he thinks he looks stupid in glasses. Again, without thinking, I genuinely blurt out, “I think you look great in glasses!”. He truly does. He responds with, “See, I could say the same thing about you.” I want to move past only physically complimenting Scott, but as of yet I haven’t seen the opportune moment to do so. A part of me wishes I didn’t show him the selfie, because it’s just not a flattering photo of me (see below), but at the same time I know Scott won’t judge me or think badly of me, so I feel okay.

Something that I have been thinking about all week is how far we’ve come. I cannot predict the future and therefore do not know whether this will go beyond a friendship or how long Scott will be in my life, but I am honestly amazed at the progression here, and the change of heart. In the beginning, I was a hopeful, naive little thing, constantly showering Scott with attention while he basked in it. I would pelt him with question after question about him, his life, his weekends, while he clearly enjoyed being the center of attention while barely having to reciprocate anything in order to stay in this limelight I put him in. He didn’t seem to have much of a true interest in me as a person and he enjoyed talking himself up and stringing me along. And I look at us now, and I can see how he has genuine interest when he asks me things, how he now remembers things I tell him, how he always tries to reciprocate whether it’s with food or compliments, and how there have been times where I could see he was happy because I was happy, and I am amazed. I don’t know what has changed for him. He seems to have grown to care about me like I’ve grown to care about him, and I often wonder what exactly it is about me that has brought about this change in his heart. I guess he genuinely likes me as a person, and I wonder just what that entails. Before, it seemed like he only had intentions of hooking up with me, but the fact that he hasn’t mentioned it again after I told him to let me know also makes me wonder. I’m sure other reasons include his wife and his schedule, among other things, but I truly believe, as I’ve said in my last post, that there have been growing feelings on his end that have complicated this even further in the past month and a half. If we have come this far in only 5 months, what will the next 5 months bring? No matter what, I believe it will only be good things.

#scott #personal #i wanted to write about this past week in detail for a change

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strawberry-jules · 4 years ago

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the fourth

hi again. it’s 10:41pm.

today was a fucking shit show. like appallingly so. my schedule was supposed to roughly look like this:

6-7am: get up, get ready, go get coffee

8-9: vet appt

9-10: breakfast, clean the kitchen for mom

10-11: post office, quick target run

11.30-4pm: read 2 chapters from textbook

4-5.30: run, shower, etc

5.30-7.30: read half a chapter, take some me time, idk

9pm-11pm: vibe time baybee

here’s how it turned out, roughly.

got coffee, it was very fun. barista is making it very hard to not have a crush on them by simply existing. how rude! took belle to the vet, everything was fine and dandy, as i figured. came home, had a bagel with spinach and eggs, cleaned the kitchen, it was fantastic. my brother ended up needing to ship out his christmas gift to his friend in croatia, but his classes weren’t over until 1:30, so i was like no worries! i’ll just go study for my final till your classes are over, just let me know. i ended up reading absolutely nothing and getting sucked into whatever fucking dumb shit exists on the internet. i also picked 3 therapists from our network and emailed them, introducing myself, and asking for quick interviews next week to see if we’re good fits, because i want to start going to therapy.

i was very excited by this development. it’s taken me over a year of saying i would go to therapy for me to finally get the courage to reach out. at about 12, i went into my parents’ room and said “guess what? i’m finally starting therapy!” and my mother, without missing a beat, says “oh, sorry we did such a bad job raising you. why do you need therapy? i thought we did a great job.” i was fucking stunned. i was like, “woah, no! this isn’t a reflection of you. this is me finally taking care of myself, i have personal things i need to work through. however, i do think that therapy is useful to anyone, and i think everyone should try therapy, at least once,” to which she had the brilliant insight, “there’s nothing wrong with me. should i just make something up about my family and go talk to a stranger about it? is that what you’re doing?” and my dad was like, “hey, that’s not what she’s saying” and my mom basically went off saying that i was weird for thinking that everyone should try therapy, and that i didn’t actually need it, and that it’s weird that i’ve been to therapy twice now, wasn’t complaining to that high school counselor that my parents were so strict enough for me?

those quotes are as close to word for word as i can get, i’m pretty sure it’s exactly what was said. the conversation lasted less than a minute, before i said “i think i need to excuse myself,” and walked away. i came and sat at my desk for i don’t even know how long. i looked at myself in my phone camera, and my face had become so translucent, it was almost green from my blood veins. i walked up to my window and contemplated trying to take the screen out to climb out, but i realized that if i did jump, it would be in my neighbor’s driveway, and that felt really insensitive, so i walked away. i sat back down at my desk and contemplated all the reasons my mom was right, before i realized that she wasn’t right. i have finally realized that i’m not fine.

i’m a depressed, suicidal 20 year old with undiagnosed adhd and ocd, a diagnosed eating disorder, and i’ve been a closeted lesbian for 13 years. i have every right to feel not okay. i didn’t need my mother’s permission to go to therapy, i have my own health insurance and i’m an adult who feels the need to ask for help, and that’s okay.

so i did what i do best, and spewed verbal diarrhea onto my private snap story about what happened and how i’ve been feeling these last few days. my brother’s classes ended early, so i took the opportunity to leave the house as soon as possible, and we took as long as possible to get to the fedex drop box, before i dropped him back at home and kept driving around, trying to process how i felt. i didn’t return either of my textbooks. i think i’m just going to send the one i bought in october after christmas, idk when it’s due but i can’t deal with the fucking lines at the post office anymore. i walked up to the post office, looked at the winding line into a building where the lovely hicks in my hometown refuse to wear masks, decided i wasn’t ready to get covid yet, and went to deposit cash so i could buy weed. i’ll just bite the $40 and buy the one that was due today, maybe i’ll give it to someone next semester.

i got home and responded to my friends’ responses to my story. i got an overwhelmingly positive and loving response from my friends. every single one stuck up for me, supported me, and shared that they’ve been feeling similarly. which is heartbreaking, i can’t believe that all of us have been dealing with this so privately! but anyway, that’s a tomorrow issue.

after i did that, i was ordering my weed when barista texted me, saying they had a question for me, which, when you have a major crush on a coworker with a girlfriend, is a very concerning text to receive. turns out, they just made me earrings! they walked their dog to my house and delivered the insanely cool polymer clay snake earrings. when i greeted them with a hug, they pulled me in so close, literally every part of their body was pressed against mine and my cheek rested on their head so perfectly. they’re on the shorter side, probably 3-4 inches shorter than me, but so strong. the way their arms felt around my back was wild, it was so tight but so gentle but so firm but so, so warm and soft. their hair was soft but frizzy and smelled like them and a little bit like an argan oil shampoo and a little like coffee. their eyes are so much more intensely ice blue in the sun. they hugged me the same way goodbye, and we chatted for a good portion of the evening, about our coworkers and being homeschooled and being nerdy high schoolers and the earrings.

i finally got one chapter done before dinner was ready at 8:30pm, which is late, even by our standards. after dinner, as i was decorating a sugar cookie named gerard, my parents kept making snarky comments about me being a stoner, and i was like yes, bold statements coming from the parents that just used my account to buy a tincture and edibles. anyway, i came upstairs and tried to read more but i’m too emotionally exhausted. eve ended up giving me a call, finally, and filled me in on her life, which is always crazy but i love to hear her voice, so it’s okay. then i learned a tiktok dance, which left me concerningly out of breath, considering it’s only been like 4 days since i ran and i can’t be that out of shape? but i showered and did my skincare routine and made sure my laundry was in the dryer before i sat down to start this.

it’s now 11:20pm, and i’m very proud to report that i am no longer angry with my mother for what she said to me. i’m sad that it’s how she feels, but i recognize that what i’m going through is something she will never understand, as a straight woman who, while prudish, has a healthy relationship with drugs and sex. i love her, and i forgive her, but i’m going to talk to her tomorrow and hold her accountable for gaslighting her already unstable daughter. what she did wasn’t fair, and it hurt. i know she probably feels insecure because she definitely does have things she knows she should go to therapy for, i know for a fact that she faced a lot of childhood and adolescent trauma and i would personally love to make sure she’s in a healthy place with it. but i can’t force her to, obviously, so i have to just hope that she doesn’t project on to me too much in the coming weeks.

i’m exhausted, and i think i’ll go to bed. i feel good about how i handled today, i caught myself in time to think through my actions before i did something completely unwarranted and unhinged. i know that at the time, my brain was in flight mode and i couldn’t cope immediately so i just followed the “i want to die” instinct because it was the strongest, but i still had enough of my logical brain in gear to have forethought. look at you go, prefrontal cortex! knowing that the part of me that is still healthy and wants to live is strong enough to put the kibosh on that maneuver is enough to give me hope that i will be okay someday. i never thought that i would be someone to be experiencing things like this. i really thought that people were being dramatic, if i’m being totally honest. now that i’m experiencing it, i understand. i’m sorry that i didn’t have more empathy.

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alstroemeria-fox-archive · 7 years ago

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Drama thing I took off of DR (any reblogs are being moved onto my personal dw):

@harbormail

Here is the post I was talking about. The first part is a long ass list of anecdotal evidence of discrimination, and further down you will find some more (largely non-anecdotal) evidence.

“Highlights” include:

Medicalisation of asexuality until the last DSM update. You can self-identify out of being medicalised now, but that requires that a) the person knows what asexuality is and b) the doctor/therapist believes it to be a valid orientation.

This exerpt from the first link “Intergroup bias toward “Group X”: Evidence of prejudice, dehumanization, avoidance, and discrimination against asexuals“:

In a recent investigation (MacInnis & Hodson, in press) we uncovered strikingly strong bias against asexuals in both university and community samples. Relative to heterosexuals, and even relative to homosexuals and bisexuals, heterosexuals: (a) expressed more negative attitudes toward asexuals (i.e., prejudice); (b) desired less contact with asexuals; and (c) were less willing to rent an apartment to (or hire) an asexual applicant (i.e., discrimination). Moreover, of all the sexual minority groups studied, asexuals were the most dehumanized (i.e., represented as “less human”). Intriguingly, heterosexuals dehumanized asexuals in two ways. Given their lack of sexual interest, widely considered a universal interest, it might not surprise you to learn that asexuals were characterized as “machine-like” (i.e., mechanistically dehumanized). But, oddly enough, asexuals were also seen as “animal-like” (i.e., animalistically dehumanized). Yes, asexuals were seen as relatively cold and emotionless and unrestrained, impulsive, and less sophisticated.

So as I said, straight people don’t see asexuals (and tbh aromantics either) as being straight and actively discriminate against us. Me being heteromantic won’t save that because guess what:

Corrective rape also happens against asexuals. So I either have to closet myself or run the risk of my partner deciding they want to “fix” me. I personally have had that particular threat used against me as a flirtatious gesture.

Plus much more! Bonus links about the fact that ace people have been in the LGBT+ community for years.

“I just think hetero aces don’t really have enough in common w/ LGBT community to include it in the movement“ - does the above change your mind at all? But regardless I fail to see how a community dedicated to aiding and creating safe spaces for sexual minorities is somehow not able to include another sexual minority? It’s an argument I've seen before but it never made sense to me. Presumably because people use the “lack of sexual orientation” definition to mean “not a sexual orientation, so not a sexual minority”. Or that it’s “easily hidden”...?

Which might not actually be marginalisation specifically, so you’re half right - but it is straight up erasure because it pushes asexuals out of any type of focus around minority orientations and their issues. Although specifically defining it as such so you can push asexuals out of any focus is marginalisation, so... as I said, half right.

All that said you have, in my opinion, a very odd idea of what constitutes being LGBT+ in the first place honestly? “From my experience trans people who arent attracted to other trans people at the very least are often transphobic so I’m not including them!” seems to imply being trans doesn’t mean you’re inherently LGBT+ despite T being in the acronym, which isn’t... I mean there’s an argument that bigots shouldn’t be active in the community or local groups, but not being LGBT+ at all is a big thing to propose. Especially when you consider internalised prejudice is a big issue and trans people not wanting to date other trans people is a sign of that.

However I’m gonna go ahead and focus on this as part of the asexual argument, since that’s why we’re here.

Anyway your justification that to be considered as LGBT(+ or not) you need to be gay doesn’t even make sense. Again, being bi means you aren’t gay, so there’s that immediately. Telling bi people they can only be part of the LGBT+ community if they’re actively seeking or are in a relationship with someone of the same gender, and therefore “presenting as gay”, is classic biphobia, so I hope that’s not what you’re implying with this either.

Additionally your orientation has nothing to do with whether you would date trans people, regardless of whether you’re trans yourself or not. You would exclude straight trans people who will date other trans people, on the basis that some straight trans people won’t, but allow in gay trans people who wouldn’t date other trans people because they’re gay...? That makes no sense. You’re trying to create a LGBT+ vetting process based on a correlation that doesn’t exist.

Dating other trans people doesn’t make a trans person gay, and being gay doesn’t mean you’d date other trans people. A bi person dating someone of the same gender doesn’t make them gay. Why is such a thing a prerequisite for aro/ace people when can’t reasonably be one for anyone else?

Look I dunno if you’re aphobic, it’s possible you’re someone who has radically different ideas about what being LGBT+ is than anyone I have ever seen or spoken to in my life (bar radicals tbh, not to imply you are one though since they tend to also try and drop the T completely and you aren’t).

Unless I’m completely misinterpreting you, or your argument isn’t getting though properly, idk

But yeah. Also any replies to this will be funneled to my personal @solar-wave to keep the drama on my follwer’s dash to a minimum. Also also I know you keep saying LGBT and don’t include the +, but the + is important to many people, largely considered the desired standard, and is how the community includes ace people in the acronym in the first place so *shrug*

#drama #discourse #acecourse

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whitehousefilmreviews · 7 years ago

Text

Taxi Driver (1976)

In this cinematic classic, a Vietnam vet - now Taxi Driver is struggling to reconcile his nature with his conscience after he meets a young prostitute.

The Good: There are many “classics” I need to see. Of course when this one popped across Starz (or some other channel - idk) I HAD to record it. This one takes its time. Scorsese uses that time to air out the characters, really let the situation and the mood seep through the audience. That famous jazzy sax theme soars over the plot.

The acting carries the film. DeNiro’s performance is famous and rightfully so. He rides the razor thin line between goodness and insanity. I would find it surprising if Jake Gyllenhaal didn’t take inspiration from this part for Nightcrawler. Also, this film features an incredibly young Jodie Foster playing a prostitute which is....well....uncomfortable. She’s quite good....but uncomfortable.

In many ways this feels like a modern (modern in the “past decade” sense) Oscar-bait movie. The pacing and plotting don’t have a particular direction for over half the film and even towards the end there are still some possibilities that I believed could’ve been taken. Scorsese guides us through with a reassuring hand. At the end it the subplot is now the main plot and the main plot had become the subplot and it’s all confusing...until I realized that the point is to show a life. Without any exposition, without any flashbacks, without any of those typical film techniques. The characterization performed in this manner is authentic in a way that is difficult to describe. Well done.

The Bad: With all of that said, here are my gripes. Everything sort of just....happens. I didn’t really feel connected to the characters on a personal level besides maybe Jodie Foster’s parents (In the movie....or IRL, however you choose to read that is fine). At first glance it seems like we should feel sorry for DeNiro’s character because he can’t sleep and seems dull and yada yada, but really the veteran angle is so downplayed I couldn’t blame someone for missing it. Figuring out what to type for my opening synopsis was REALLY challenging and I’m still not satisfied with it. IMDB’s synopsis reads: “ A mentally unstable Vietnam War veteran works as a night-time taxi driver in New York City where the perceived decadence and sleaze feeds his urge for violent action, while attempting to save a preadolescent prostitute in the process.”....I can’t say that it is 100% wrong, but I also have a difficult time going against it. So I basically said the same thing...

Portraying volunteer campaign workers as not-preachy?? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Rating: B+ Who else thinks bringing a woman on a first date to a smut film is a good idea? Anyone?

Spoilers: I know this probably won’t be a popular opinion, but the mohawk hair cut DeNiro gives himself prior to the final altercation to rescue Jodie Foster, again, just sort of happens. Does he think it’ll make him cool? It certainly doesn’t help him blend in. I’m having trouble justifying it. I know, I know...it doesn’t matter.

#taxi driver #Scorsese #robert deniro

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not-poignant · 7 years ago

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You won't disclose personal stuff but it's okay if we ask like, for advice and stuff right? Do you have any resource materials on trauma? The generic material I find just...miss the mark. Same but for overstimulation (from like gentleness, painless experiences make me uncomfortable af) and being touch starved. Is it, like a thing I can learn about? It is very distressing in my everyday life and before reading your stuff it was just plain awkward. I thought I was just being stupid. Thanks, Love.

Always fine with people asking for advice with the standard caveats that I’m just one noodle floating around in a world of a lot of other noodles and I definitely don’t have my personal life or anything sorted out and I’m no substitute for therapy / counsellors etc. :D And I am not a therapist whee.

As for resources, tbh, I haven’t found a great deal. I’ve read a lot of books on trauma over the years (and I own a lot) and there’s two I’d tentatively recommend to folks with trauma. They are:

The Body Remembers by Babette Rothschild, which is fantastic. Looks at a cross-section of trauma (i.e. war vets / rape victims / but also people who have been bitten by dogs and can’t handle dogs, so it’s not like idk... discriminating between types of trauma - because some books do this).

The reason I like this book is because it looks at body-trapped and body-centred trauma, and also looks at the ways in which bodies can process trauma and how we can even release it potentially through the body, and bypass cognitive thought. Potential downsides are that it’s not really written for clients, it’s written for practicioners, so you’ll be looking at a lot of therapist-centred advice, but there are also really helpful case studies and so on. Additionally, while it suggests exercises a client can try, most of those exercises are intended to be used in conjunction with a therapist in a trusted safe space. It’s pretty possible to extract some of those exercises into your personal life though, but I’d suggest being cautious with it, because a lot of trauma healing tends to come from developing a trusting relationship with someone else and knowing you won’t get hurt in the process.

The other is The Trauma Spectrum by Robert Scaer. This is an academic book by a neurologist turned psychologist, who became fascinated with untreatable or resistant pain disorders that seemed to develop after trauma, especially heart-related and joint-related disorders after car accidents, where - as a neurologist - he could find no tangible reason for the pain even though the pain was real. Through study, he became fascinated with body-based trauma. This book is essentially a long academic exploration of the physiological nature of trauma.

I love this personally, because I find nothing more validating than very long academic articles saying exactly why trauma fucks you up, and what chemicals are behind that, and what that does to the body etc. Downsides include that this is more aimed at therapists again, and not clients, and is pretty dense in its language. But upsides include exploration into new ways of looking at trauma (not just cognitive behavioural therapy) and is particularly useful for people who have body-based expressions of anxiety or trauma that resist treatment (like ongoing pain that can’t be diagnosed, fibromyalgia when it’s linked to trauma, digestion issues, vertigo etc.)

There’s no websites I’ve ever used for support that have actually been supportive, and there is almost nothing out there for touch-starved people. I have never seen a single thing about people who’ve had problems with gentleness (which I can too, btw, so I feel you there, it’s shitty as fuck). That’s partly because ‘touch-starved’ - while a physiological, real thing, is something where fandom tends to be ahead of the curve re: psychology. In that sense, you’re more likely to find transformative ideas for how to potentially heal from touch-starvation / touch-phobias etc. via fanfiction that deals specifically with those subjects.

I spent a while with a pretty severe touch phobia (while still needing and wanting touch), so I spent a long time craving and trying to track down resources to help me with this. Maybe some things have come out in the past four years, but I am sorry to tell you that there’s pretty much nothing out there specifically on this subject (or at least, there wasn’t). There’s probably individual case studies around, but there’s no like...there’s nothing really very satisfactory. I’ve done way more to heal my issues with this stuff via writing fanfiction than through resources (and that’s the same for trauma, tbh).

I mean you can find plenty of articles on why being touch-starved is bad for you, and you’ll hear those like...repeated stories of monkeys who die of starvation and malnutrition without touch and so on. Or babies who languish without touch. But in terms of ‘when you’re a touch-starved adult and what you can do about it’ resources, things are thin on the ground. You may wish to look into cuddle parties, which are generally non-sexual cuddle parties with a heavy emphasis on consent, designed to allow people access to hugs etc. in a safe environment.

I do think there’s more news articles about touch-starvation and its pervasiveness in contemporary culture, and how this links to sex practices and so on but they’re written as feature article pieces and not as useful things that can be done to help with the subject.

Basically there was no book or website that specifically helped me with touch-starvation, or even trauma. Most trauma writing tends to be aimed at war vets because that’s where the funding is. A lot of trauma writing is still pretty ‘oldschool’ in that it is cognitive behavioural therapy focused (talk focused) or alternatively is a psychologist trying to ‘brand’ a new type of therapy and so is super ‘use this amazing new!thing to Fix Your Trauma (TM)’ and then isn’t realistic about the fact that most people tend to need a multi-modality approach to helping themselves with trauma.

I’d suggest perhaps going to a local library or something and looking through their resources on trauma books, and getting yourself - if you don’t already have it - a good grounding in the different types of therapies used for helping with trauma, and also then a good idea of how diverse different case studies and techniques can be. From there, it’s sometimes necessary to develop different methods that work for you. But it’s a pretty intense process, not to mention the fact that a lot of these books will conveniently never mention issues to do with touch, except for perhaps: ‘X patient had problems with having sex but then after applying X amount of therapy sessions started having sex again satisfactorily.’ Or whatever.

It’s not really helpful for us, right?

I wish I had better news and better recommendations. There are probably trauma tumblrs which are more up-to-date with resources coming out, but I stopped actively looking a few years ago because I just got really exhausted with that sense of ‘oh yes I know about trauma and the parasympathetic and sympathetic nervous systems but what can I do about it’ and tbh writing what I’ve written (and reading similar things) has been way more useful for me personally.

I guess as a final thing, I’d say it’s worth sitting down and asking yourself what you want to resolve, and what you want that to look like. I.e. whether it looks like friendships with non-sexual physical intimacy like hugging, and so on. You probably have some images in your head of things you crave but can’t have right now. Things you miss that you could have, or things you’ve never had that you come back to over and over again.

Breaking that down into ‘if I could get this thing, what form would it come in, and what is my ideal and what would be acceptable on the way to that ideal (knowing that ideals are generally not realistic etc. but a good thing to aim for)’ might help you narrow down what sort of research, books and communities you need to look into. It also might help you see what sort of steps you could take to achieve those things. Sometimes with touch and sensory issues, it starts with visualising getting the thing, imagining it being satisfying instead of triggery (and making notes of what that looks like so you know your boundaries and limits for real life), and just starting to role-model to yourself that it can be safe in your mind.

It may also be worth looking into books that explore touch issues with people who are on the autism spectrum and/or have sensory processing disorders, because more research has been done there with more techniques suggested, and sometimes trauma symptoms can parallel and therefore like, where trauma psychology hasn’t caught up yet, there can be places elsewhere that might help (for example, it was realising I had Asperger’s and learning that people with Asperger’s often prefer firm touch over very soft gentle touch, that I actually made a pretty big leap forward with my own touch phobia in terms of what I needed to ask from people - this might not be the same for you, obviously, but you might be more likely to find resources written by people with sensory processing disorders or issues, than within the trauma community itself. Trauma psychology is sometimes really like...hyperfocused on one thing (minimising flashbacks) over like...other things that are super necessary).

I apologise that this wasn’t more useful! A lack of resources is in part why I’ve had PTSD since 1997, and why I’m not on top of this stuff yet (also stubbornness, I’m very stubborn lol). So I know it can be distressing, and how much it can like...erode resources and just eat away at a capacity for personal contentment and so on. There’s a real disconnect between ‘usefulness of resources’ and ‘applications to actual people living actual lives’ and I think in part it is because trauma is Hard and Complicated and also that a lot of resources are super post-war focused again, because funding issues. :/

#asks and answers #personal #pia on trauma #pia on ptsd #it's really difficult like #i have like 20 books #and some of them i think are great for just #generically explaining trauma #but they don't reach me or mean anything personally #i liked the trauma spectrum because it was so exploratory and kind of liberating #and i really like the body remembers because it's so compassionate #and i also really feel like this author is...#good at breaking through to really sort of 'getting' what happens for a lot of us #touch-starvation is a thing we'll probably get more resources on as time goes by #but it'll be late in proportion to when fandom noticed and started writing about it #in really intense ways #also it's worth looking at the fics that look at this stuff that you *like* re: touch-starvation #and writing down a list of what you like about it #like is it giving you ideas for what you want?#are there certain feelings or things happening in the scene #that mimic what you'd like in reality?#defining it for yourself is an important part of the process #because you can't ask for what you don't know in really clear terms #and even if you change your mind as you go (and you will)#it's really sort of sitting down and exploring what it needs to be for you specifically #that may help more than any one book #but who knows!#i'm no expert #i'm still super fucked up *thumbs up*#Anonymous

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yournewapartment · 8 years ago

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I'm intending to move out of my mom's by fall, but I have two cats, and idk much about how to care for them on my own. I want to do it right, but I'm not very good with figuring out vet info or other care stuff for them.

Okay, so I’ve just spent the last two hours writing this post for you, in the hopes that you will change your mind. It’s way longer than I intended, but I tried to be thorough and comprehensive. Know that I have strong opinions about how to raise cats because they’re a huge part of my life. You might not agree with what I have to say, but this is what’s worked for me. I urge you to try different things and find out what works best for you! Before I get into it, let me talk about my cats…

I have a four year old orange tabby (Mason) and a sixteen year old tortoiseshell cat (Gretel) pictured in Appendix D. They have completely opposite personalities (Mason is super confident and talkative, Gretel is more standoffish) and they did NOT get along for the longest time. I’ve been with Gretel since she was three years old, so we’re very close and she’s very protective of me. After we moved into our current apartment, my boyfriend and I bought Mason to keep Gretel company. He was a rescue cat that had been previously returned after being adopted once, because he was “fresh”. He gave me the runaround when he first moved in, so I understand what it’s like to have a difficult cat.

It’s taken two years for them to both be comfortable with each other, but last week they fell asleep on the bed together (see Appendix D) and it was so beautiful. These cats have brought so much joy into my life, and I don’t know where I’d be without them. All these experiences, good and bad, have taught me that I never want to live without cats in my life.

Please feel free to direct message me if you want to talk about what taking care of cats on your own will mean for you. I am here for all your cat needs!

The Complete Guide to Living on Your Own (With Cats)

Phase 1: Your New Apartment

Before moving into your new home, follow these steps to make the process as comfortable as possible for your cats. You need to understand that they will be upset and act strange for the first few days, and this is absolutely normal and expected. Give them time- they’ll adjust.

1. Move the cats last. Move everything else you own into your new apartment, and get it set up as much as you can before moving your cats. Make sure there are plenty of places for them to hide that are easily accessible, like under your bed or in the back of a closet. Initially your cats will be very shell-shocked, and it will be easier for them to adjust if they smell familiar furniture and are able to find a secure place to hide.

2. Feliway. Buy yourself Feliway and spray it on walls and around doorways at your kitty’s eye level. I can’t tell you what it is or why it works (Science Side of Tumblr please explain), but your cats smell it and will feel much calmer. Feliway also helps when your cat starts peeing on everything, see Phase 2: Tantrums.

3. Moving your cats. If you have two cats, make sure that you move both cats at the same time. Even if they’re not the best of pals, a familiar face in a time of stress will soothe them. In the car ride they will cry, drool, pee, and sound like they’re dying. This is horrible to hear, but no that it’s only temporary. If you were in their situation you would act the same way!

Hyperventilating. If you hear your cat start to hyperventilate, move them out of the carrier and comfort them immediately. I was transporting a cat with a high fever to the vet once and he started to do this, so I literally pulled over and drove with the cat in my lap the rest of the way. Once in my lap, he relaxed and started to breathe normally. The vet told me that I was lucky I did this, because the cat could’ve had a heart-attack.

4. In the new apartment. Open your cat carrier and allow your cats to explore their new home at their own pace. Depending on your cat’s confidence, they might make a beeline for your bed and hide under it for the next two days. This is absolutely fine. Your cats may not want to eat or use the bathroom during these first few days, and this is normal. You often won’t eat if you’re stressed out, so understand that when they’re hungry, they’ll eat. If one of your cats is very upset, place their food and water bowl in the room they’re hiding in, so that they won’t feel threatened while they eat.

5. Give it time. This could be less than a day or over a week, but your cat will come out from their hiding space of their own accord. They will walk around their new home and take everything in, and they’ll make themselves comfortable. Be there for your cat during this time, offering encouragement and love as they need it. It’s okay if they come out and retreat back to their safe hiding space, tell yourself that they will come out again.

Phase 2: Tantrums

Cats are mostly independent animals, but they do require lots of love and attention. Expect at least one or all of these tantrums to be thrown when you move them into your new home. Your cats are in a new environment that they are not wholly comfortable with, so it’s important to be patient and help them through this difficult time.

1. Pooping. Your cat has an excellent sense of smell- they know where their litter box is. If they’re choosing to poop outside of the box, they are most likely looking for attention. Make sure that the poop has no blood in it (see Phase 4: Veterinarians + Common Diseases) and spend time making your cat feel special. This includes treats, playtime, combing, whatever they like best.

2. Peeing A. Peeing is a form of scenting, which is essentially your cat being like “this is mine”. Your cats will probably do this a lot when you first move in, so make sure you have the proper cleaners ready (see Appendix A). Clean the spot thoroughly, and spray Feliway all over it. Your cat will smell the Feliway and think “Okay, I peed there already” and walk on. I’m not kidding.

3. Peeing B. Peeing can also be an cry for attention, slightly different from scenting. Here’s how to tell the difference- does your cat only pee when you’re around? Typically this will only be done in areas that you frequent, like your bed or your couch. If so, then this is a cry for attention- see “Pooping”.

4. Peeing C. Is your cat declawed? I sure hope not, because that’s inhumane. But anyways, if it is… declawed cats require a different type of litter than the normal Tidy Cats brand. Call your local vet and consult with them about the best types of litter to use.

5. Attacking. Is your cat attacking people/places/things? Get toys and play with them. Cats are evolved from fearsome predators, they need to be stimulated or they’ll get bored and start hunting whatever they can find. Here are some great toys to buy your cats so that they can “hunt” on their own, there’s something in there for every cat type.

Phase 3: A Place For Everyone

Jackson Galaxy is the Cat Guru, and you can find episodes of his show “My Cat From Hell” on Netflix. Whenever Jackson enters a home of a troublesome cat, he always looks at the environment in terms of how “cat-proof” it is. Your cat needs to have their own stuff, and whether this is a cardboard box or a $150 piece of cat furniture, it needs to be there.

1. Bush vs. Tree dweller. I have a bush dweller and a tree dweller! Bush dwellers are the cats that like to hang out under tables and under beds, and they’re thought to be cats with less self-confidence. Tree dwellers like to climb and look down on their surroundings, reconnecting with their ancestors in the jungle. Cater your apartment based off of your cat’s needs. See Phase 6: Miscellaneous to learn more about different cat personalities.

A word on bush dwellers. I was initially very upset to learn that Gretel is considered a low self-esteem cat. I kept trying to think of ways to make her more comfortable her surroundings, in the hopes that she would one day want to climb things and perch up high. Since getting Mason, she has slowly become a bush/tree dweller. She now climbs to the top rung of her cat furniture, and asks me to help her up on the kitchen table (it’s tall so she can’t jump). What I’m trying to say is that cats will gain confidence as they get more comfortable with their surroundings, and having a second and way more confident cat has helped her come into herself, even in her old age. So proud of my baby.

2. Cat furniture. I’m not going to lie to you, cat furniture is hella expensive. But it’s life-changing. Your cats recognize that its a piece of furniture for them, and they will run right over to it and begin exploring. If your cat is wary about climbing to the higher platforms or levels of the furniture, entice them with treats or a toy. The general rule is one piece of furniture per cat, because they will fight over them. If you have a very active cat, I’d recommend getting a multi-leveled piece.

3. Cardboard boxes. The rumors are true- cats love cardboard boxes. Just open it up and leave it in the middle of the floor, and allow your cats to explore. If you’re not ready to drop $$$, place a warm blanket in the box and allow your cats to curl up.

4. Windows. If you leave for work, leave your blinds open for your cats to peer out. If you don’t, they’ll peer out anyway and wreck your blinds. In the summer time it might seem like a nice idea to leave your windows partially open, but always make sure that your window screens are secure. If they’re not, add masking tape around the sides of the window until you can press on the screen and it doesn’t collapse.

5. Food and water. I like to keep a bowl of water in each room for the cats, and I refresh this daily. I like to add ice cubes in the summer so that the water isn’t that awful room temperature. If you feed your cats dry food, make sure that they’re drinking lots of water after eating.

6. Litter box. Yeah, I know- it’s the worst part of being a cat owner. I keep mine in my hallway closet, and I leave the door partially open so that the cats can get in and out as they please. I’ve seen people with litter boxes in their bathrooms, their hallways, behind chairs in their living room, etc. The general rule is to have one more litter box than there is cat. I’m sorry, that’s crazy talk. I have a one bedroom apartment and I’m not having three litter boxes. One has worked fine for my babies, I just have to be vigilant about cleaning it.

As far as choosing a cat litter brand, most cats are not picky. Some, however, are. Tidy Cats is expensive so I use whatever is on sale at CVS. I prefer scented because I have the litter box right by my front door. Find what works for you, but listen to your cat’s needs.

Be wary of any brand of “lightweight” cat litter other than Tidy Cats. One time I bought Stop & Shop’s “Companion” lightweight litter and it hardened and stuck to the bottom of my litter box and I literally had to rehydrate it to remove it. DISGUSTING.

7. Wall furniture. If you don’t have a lot of room on the floor of your apartment, consider putting up wall furniture for your cat. This can be anything from an expensive piece like this, or a simple wooden board for your cats to walk on.

8. The floor is lava. Confident cats like to be up high on tables, window sills, cat furniture, etc. This is because back in their ancestral days, they had to peer down from the treetops to hunt their prey. Allow your cat this luxury, and try not to freak out if they walk on your kitchen counters or sit on your dining room table. Your cat is programmed to do this, the fact that your cat wants to be up high is a sign of confidence, a sign that your cat is comfortable with their surroundings.

Phase 4: Veterinarians + Common Diseases

Your cat’s health is so important! There are lots of things you can do to maintain your cat’s health on your own (see Appendix B), but know that you will need to take one or both of your cats to the vet sometime this year. Remember to consult medical professionals if your cat is visibly ill. I am not a medical professional, but here are some of the things I’ve dealt with as a cat owner.

1. Hospitals vs. Doctors. My biggest expense as a cat owner is taking my babies to the vet. I have a Veterinary Hospital literally two minutes from my home, and Gretel hates the car so much that I always just take her there to get her to calm down. In general, hospitals are WAY more expensive than regular vet’s offices. Like, I’m talking over $100 difference. The expense is worth it for me, but it might not be for you. Find your closest vet office and put their number into your phone ASAP.

2. Making an appointment. If your cat is having a crisis, you can call during normal business hours and bring your cat in right then and there, but it’s going to cost you extra money. If your cat is not in imminent danger, call and make an appointment for the next day.

Theoretically, you’re supposed to bring your cat(s) or yearly check-ups and make sure they get all their vet shots. I’m gonna level with you- I don’t do this. I wish I could afford to do it, but I live paycheck to paycheck and can’t. You need to be able to take care of yourself, so if you’re poor like me, I’d advise saving vet visits for emergencies only.

3. Vet insurance. Obviously- I do not have vet insurance. This means that I pay for all my vet visits out of pocket, and vet offices do not allow you to pay in installments, you have to pay all at once. My downstairs neighbor once had her cat held by a vet’s office because she didn’t have the money to pay for the vet bills. She had to get an emergency loan from her bank to be able to pay and get her cat released. Yikes. The one person I do know with pet insurance says that it saves her about 75% of her vet bill, but she’s a grown ass woman with a house. It’s okay if you don’t have vet insurance, there are still things you can do to improve your cat’s quality of life for reasonably cheap (See Appendix B).

3. Flea medication. Flea medication can be expensive, especially if you have two cats. Unfortunately, Advantage is the only medication that I have found effective. I’ve tried several different knock off brands, and while they worked, they didn’t last nearly as long as Advantage. I don’t worry about fleas that much in the winter, but I put it on my cats during the summer because there are lots of stray cats where I live.

4. Vomit. An occasional puke pile is nothing to be concerned about. There are lots of reasons why cats throw up, but 99% of them are digestion related. The worst part of puke is having to clean it up. As disgusting as it may be, the best way to clean up puke is to allow it to dry and to then clean it (see Appendix A). Lots of cats have food allergies (Mason, for example), so if your cat is throwing up multiple times in a week, change their diet (see Phase 5: Cat food). If your cat throws up blood, take them to the vet immediately.

5. Feline Respiratory Virus. Cats do not get colds like humans do, so be very wary if your cat has a runny nose, watery eye discharge, is sneezing or acting lethargic. These infections can kill cats if left untreated. If your cat is showing these symptoms, take them to the vet immediately. The vet will prescribe antibiotics that you will have to give your cat, and your cat should be feeling better within 24 hours. Once a cat gets an FRV, they are more susceptible to it. Cats can infect other cats, so keep your cats separated and give them separate food and water until your infected cat is visibly better.

6. Bloody poop. Bloody poop (while disgusting) does not always signify illness. Sometimes it means that your cat is having trouble digesting, but other times it means that your cat has worms. Keep an eye on your cat’s poop, and if it’s still bloody after two additional days, take them to the vet and bring a sample of the poop with you. This stool sample will be tested by your vet, and if you don’t have one they will send you home and wait for you acquire one before testing anything.

7. Lumps. My cat Gretel currently has a lump on her face. I noticed it a couple months ago and took her to the vet. If your cat gets a lump suddenly, see if you can move the lump around with your fingers. If the lump feels solid and causes your cat pain, make an appointment ASAP. Gretel’s lump moves around freely and doesn’t cause her pain at all, so my vet told me not to worry about it. Cats grow non-cancerous tumors on their faces and bodies, as well as excesses of fatty tissue that cause bumps. Feeling a bump does not guarantee that your cat’s life is in danger.

8. Bottom line. Wondering if something is wrong with your cat? Ask yourself this simple question- Is your cat eating and drinking water? If your cat is not eating or drinking water, then something is wrong. Make an appointment and take them to the vet.

Phase 5: Cat Food

Spend some time researching different brands before deciding what to feed your cat. Here are some guidelines to help you.

1. Wet food vs. Dry food. It’s a scientifically acknowledged fact that wet food is much better for your cats than dry food. Unfortunately canned food can be up to three times as expensive per pound as dry food, and I can’t afford that on my budget. If you feed dry food, make sure that your cat is properly hydrated and drinking lots of water after they eat.

2. Junk food vs. Health food. Some cats are finicky eaters, mine are not. They do not care what type of food it is, they’re just happy to eat it. Meow Mix is super inexpensive and filling for cats, but it’s not healthy. It’s essentially like eating McDonalds every day. As a young adult, you probably can’t afford to spend large quantities of money on cat food. So compromise. Buy a bag of high quality “healthy” cat food, and a bag of cheap cat food, and give your cats a mixture of this.

3. Grain intolerance. Allergies are a real thing with cats. If your cat is having a hard time keeping food down, switch them to a grain free diet. I buy Rachel Ray cat food off of Amazon because Mason has a delicate stomach.

4. Proteins. Switch up the proteins in the food you’re feeding your cats. Spend a few months with salmon, then switch to chicken, then back to salmon, etc. I don’t remember why, but studies were done and this proved to be more healthy for cats.

5. How much food? Current studies say that cats should be feed about a half a cup of cat food per day. PER DAY. Cats also should have definitive feeding times, and should not be allowed to “graze” or eat all day. I feed my cats a cup of food in the morning (2 cats, half a cup each) and that’s all they get. One of the most common problems that cat owners have is over-feeding.

6. Fast eaters. Mason has this problem where he gobbles down food super fast (he doesn’t even chew it half the time) and then throws up a few minutes later. You can buy special plates online that force cats to eat slowly like this one.

7. What not to feed them. Check out this link. Also if your cat accidentally drinks antifreeze give them alcohol.

8. Changing food. Remember that you can’t just feed your cat one food one day and a different food the next day. If you do, they’ll throw up. If you need to switch your cat’s food, do it gradually. Here’s how:

First day of switch: 95% old food, 5% new food

Second day: 75% old food, 25% new food

Third day: 75% old food, 25% new food

Fourth day: 50% of both foods

Fifth day: 50% of both foods

Sixth day: 25% old food, 75% new food

Seventh day: 25% old food, 75% new food

Eighth day: 5% old food, 95% new food

Ninth day: 5% old food, 95% new food

10th day: 100% new food!

Phase 6: Miscellaneous

1. Cat types. I’m a big believer in the ASPCA feline-alities. ASPCA employees essentially give cats a personality test to see how they perform under stress. They have something wonderful to say about even the shyest of cats, it really puts everything in perspective. Check it out here. Points if you can guess my cat’s personality types based off what I’ve written here.

2. Bathing. Generally speaking, cats and water do not mix. I don’t bathe my cats because they don’t really get gross enough to require bathing. The one time I did try to bathe Gretel was an absolute disaster, so barring her overcoming her fear of water, I’m never going to do it again. She’s old and sleeps next to my head every night, so sometimes I have to help her clean up a bit. If your cat steps in poop or dirt or whatever, use baby wipes.

3. “My Cat Doesn’t Like to Play”. Bullshit. All cats like to play, you just haven’t found the right toy. Mason responds to strings that are waved in circles above his head, squeaky toys, and things that are thrown so that he can run and “catch” his prey. Gretel likes crinkly things like candy wrappers, and will only chase a string if it’s dragged on the ground. Mess around and figure out what makes your cat tick. After playing your cat will:

Have a snack

Clean themselves

Take a nap

4. Reprimanding cats. I found a great post on Tumblr a year ago explaining this phenomenon, but I currently can’t find it, so I’m going to paraphrase. Essentially, cats don’t have great short-term memory, so you have to be careful when yelling at them. If your cat pees on your couch, and you don’t discover it until three hours later, yelling at your cat will accomplish absolutely nothing. They won’t understand why you’re upset, and they won’t understand what they did was wrong. You have to reprimand your cat’s either while they’re in the act of being naughty (i.e, peeing on the couch) or directly afterwards.

Appendices

Appendix A. Cleaners

Carpet cleaner (I recommend Resolve)

Hardwood floor cleaner (I recommend Bona)

Plastic gloves (I recommend whatever is cheapest)

Bleach (or a tile cleaner you feel more comfortable with)

Appendix B. Caring for your cat.

Feliway

Cat lax (for those with hairballs)

Flea medication (you can buy Advantage in bulk on Amazon)

Brush (brushing decreases the risk of hairballs, fleas, and your clothes looking like shit. It can also be a way to bond with your cat)

Toys (get an assortment like this one)

Supplements (if you have an old cat, check out elder cat supplements on Amazon)

Ear cleansers like Epiklean (Did you know that you’re supposed to clean your cat’s ears every month? I didn’t! Gretel had an ear infection because her ears hadn’t been cleaned in 15 years)

Baby wipes (Gretel is very old, and sometimes she has a poopy butt. I recommend baby wipes for elder cats)

Multi-purpose treats (buy treats that are beneficial for your cat’s health, like treats with calcium or treats that help with hairballs)

Appendix C. Cat behavior.

Appendix D. Mason and Gretel

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