#theexperientialexchange

[rabr2592]

Baller, Shot Caller.

I wish giving your 2 weeks could apply to relationships these days. Imagine if you could? Most of the time we're all blindsided by breakups but how great would it be if you could notify your SO ahead of time to prepare for the single life again. "Hey babe, I really like you and the sex is great but you're not financially stable and that's something I really need in my future. I'm putting in my 2 weeks notice." It would be such a nice transition instead of just dropping a bomb on someone and walking out. So many unanswered questions and what-if's left floating in the air. It's really tough to recover from that. A few months back one of my colleagues got so fed up she literally grabbed her shit and walked out the door. It took 6 weeks to find her replacement, the company was screwed for a while. So being the kind and respectful person I am, I found a new job and I put my 2 weeks last Tuesday. It's always so awkward and uncomfortable breaking up with someone, which is pretty much what I did with my job. We broke up after a year of good times, laughter, some tears and a lot of drunken memories. To management it's because I'm ready for a new challenge and environment that's more along my career path which is professional lingo for 'I'm broke and need to get paid more and you're not doing it so I'm leaving.' Granted I am really excited and looking for to my new company and position, but bottom line is employees stay when they're happy. Much like relationships. When you become unhappy, it's time to take a step back and re-evaluate things. If it can be talked over and worked out then by all means stick around and see if things change over time. Whether it's a higher salary or a promise of fidelity, there's a glimmer of hope for the future. But if it is FUBAR (fucked up beyond all repair), then get the fuck out as soon as possible and don't look back. A quote by Tony Robbins says, "By changing nothing, nothing changes." Most people are afraid of change because they get so comfortable in their routine whether it's a job or someone they're dating. I get it, change is very scary. Terrifying at times. But my friend Tony is right, you can't expect change when you don't take the initiative and do it yourself. I knew I was in a situation that I was unhappy and made a conscious effort to make a change. Professionally and in my personal life. I'm scared as hell for this new position because I hope I can live up to the expectations they have for me, but there's no way to know unless I dive head first into it. I'm even more afraid that I'll be single and alone for most of my 20s because I'm having the worst luck with men lately. But to hell with it, I admit that I make myself pretty damn happy. Until I find someone that can do the same then Netflix and chill all by myself is fine by me. The Great Wayne Gretzky said, "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." You're in control of your life. Put the ball in your hands, line up the shot, and go for it.

[rabr2592]

Back to Life, Back to Reality.

My coworkers and I have no boundaries. No filters. We spend way too much time together and annoy the hell out of our bosses. We tell each other pretty much everything.

More often than not it’s conversations about relationships, hook ups, crappy exes, frat parties in college and one night stands. But our conversation this morning made me take a step back to really think, how soon is too soon to bring up an ex?

My friend has only been on 2 dates with a guy she met on a dating app and they hit it off pretty well right off the bat. After their second date – which was awesome – the guy brought up how he was really interested and is having a great time getting to know her.

Unfortunately, his next words were that he just got out of a serious relationship a few months back, he isn’t ready for a relationship and doesn’t want to lead her on.

This is where the real debate started.

Half of us – including myself – believe that his honesty, even though it’s so early on in their dating, is admirable. Most guys (aka the douchebag I dated recently) wouldn’t have the balls to say this to me until 6 months later when I already had invested so much time and emotions into it.

I think honesty is key, especially in the dating culture we live in today. So many people have hidden agendas and ulterior motives that I would rather you be honest with me from the jump than string me along for months on end.

Now the other half, they think he’s rushing into it. There have only been 2 dates and they’re wondering why he’s already bringing up something so serious when the dating has only just begun. This can sometimes be seen as a sign of weakness and insecurity. Why can’t you just go with the flow and see how things develop over time?

I’m a firm believer that saying things out loud to someone else in a sense forces you to come to terms with it. We as humans learn to compartmentalize and hold in emotions which can be very self-destructive. The minute we admit it to someone else it becomes real.

Admission is healthy though, they say it’s the first step to recovery. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, gambling, or a broken heart, we have to admit and accept it to truly start to moving on with our lives.

Albert Einstein once said, “Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.”

Standing still or being stationery is the absolute worst thing to me. It actually freaks me the fuck out. People who are so comfortable being in one spot or one state of mind their whole lives are psychopaths to me.

We are meant to explore, travel, and embrace all of the wonderful things we can experience in one life time, it’s a waste to not take advantage of that.

In my last post, I talked about how it’s important to pump the brakes once in a while, especially when it comes to dating but after a while you have to get back on that bike and keep riding no matter how bruised or battered you may be.

Perseverance. Strength. Resilience. Tenacity. Those are qualities you build after years of getting knocked down and learning how to get right back up. Most importantly: Confidence. You know what you want and you go after it. You become an unstoppable force.

All in all, I think this guy is confident and ballsy as hell for telling exactly how he felt after a second date. Shout out to him, he’s the real MVP.

More guys in our generation should be more honest. And sure girls might be turned off by it or think it’s weird and creepy or too forward, but after the entire BS I’ve been through I would truly appreciate a man who knows exactly what he wants and isn’t afraid to admit it.

If she won’t date him, then I damn sure will.

[rabr2592]

Hiatus in the Name of Love

Press Play.

Usually before bed I watch some TV because I can’t fall asleep without noise in the background so naturally I watched Friends.

It was The One with George Stephanopoulos. The one where Ross has a guy’s night out but is repeatedly reminiscing the entire episode about every little detail from the first time he and his now lesbian ex-wife had sex for the first time. Later in the episode we find out, he’s so hung up on that night because he also lost his virginity and she was his first love.

Kind of a big deal, right?

Even after 7 years, Ross couldn’t forget his first love. Most people are that way though, remembering the memories their first love – and I believe it’s definitely the hardest to forget the first one.

But if you are lucky enough to fall in love (or fall in like, really hard) more than once, the first one seems like a distant memory compared to the one that’s the freshest in your mind. And those memories can sometimes hold you back from moving forward.

Of course, I remember the countless nights laying on the hood of my high school boyfriend’s car and gazing up at the stars or sneaking out at 2 am just to go make out in his parent’s basement while everyone was asleep.

But all they are now are memories – stories to tell my grandchildren about the guy who stole my heart in 10th grade. They no longer keep me from pursuing a new relationship and a new love.

Recently, I fell very hard into like with a guy (as you all have read about in previous posts) and had my heart broken because we didn’t want the same things in the end.

I didn’t love him, I can promise you that. I’ve been in love and I know what it feels like. But it didn’t matter whether it was love or like, this is what’s currently holding me back. And the metaphorical resistance band is stronger than ever.

I’ve met a few guys in the last few weeks, really great guys, and for some reason I can’t stop thinking about just one. The one that got away.

And I’ve realized that there is nothing wrong with that – giving yourself time to recover.

In our generation with technology and social media and everything being so on-demand and fast-paced, we’re looked down upon if we just take a minute to pull back the reins.

Most people go from one relationship to the next without even blinking because they feel like if they don’t they’ll miss out on something or won’t be keeping up with the Jones’ (or the Kardashians). Dating should not be a revolving door -- and even those have to slow down eventually in the busiest places.

Just because things ended badly doesn’t mean I’m going to deny the fact that the connection we had was real and time we spent together was absolutely incredible. Trying to quickly move on to dating another guy is only a distraction from what my heart and my mind are really telling me.

Pause. Slow down. Take a breather. One day at a time.

The next guy I seriously date I want to go into it with a clear head. Fully aware of my own feelings and where they stand and assess if I want to invest in a new relationship based on his qualities and how he makes me feel – not because I’m looking to fill a void another guy left me with.

It’s okay to pump the brakes. We don’t have to always be on the go and throwing ourselves into relationships we aren’t truly ready for. It only adds more confusion for both parties involved. Avoid the clusterfuck.

Those metaphorical resistance bands will loosen up over time. Remember, your heart is still a muscle that needs time to recover after it’s broken or even just bruised.

Press pause.