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nd-poite · 2 years ago

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The Non-Canon 9 Children of My Dr Who FanFic: (Wip)

(Spoilers)

When the time came for a few bundles of joy, The Dr and L.R. started laying down ground rules for their precious children. . . God only knew what someone would do with young impressionable TimeLords/Eternals

— one of the rules being unfortunately that until they were of age, when they could travel with their father and truly live within time & space — they’d remain at home beyond time and space

— they all have a random handful of abilities: Shapeshifting, glowing eyes that match their mothers, the ability to create strong illusions, telepathy, multi lingual, touch-enabled mental manipulation,

— around the sixteenth birthday, they’d begin traveling with their father and learning the fragility of life up close, otherwise they’d watch over from afar

— they age slowly like a numenorian, neither immortal nor able to regenerate

11’s Children:

1. Cygnus // “Oliver” the God of Balance

Cygnus is their first baby, no one knew what to expect // LR was always monitoring him, always close by. . . Cygnus could turn the world inside out with a tantrum, make his nightmares real, laugh too much and turn his friends into bubbles, but Mummy and Daddy were there to set it right. . . He lost his pets, he broke his toys, he’d get stuck between walls, he’d change appearance—but nothing was ever permanent as he wasn’t full Eternal. . .

He was definitely born before The Angels Take Manhattan but AFTER Eleven reunited with the Ponds post “fake-out death”

He’s been missing for a very long time. . . He went a wandering out one day and never did come back :/ and they never saw him again, neither across time nor across space

He grew up with Eleven as his father, nipping on daddy’s heels, always wanting to go where he went and be like him

Probably a Cat’s in the Cradle Situation

“I grew up without you,” “I grew up with the motion that you loved your job more, you held it to a higher degree — it was a greater responsibility, than me— that other children were a greater responsibility,” “I grew up with the concept that I, a child, was selfish for needing his own father,” “I grew up with stories and dreams of a man that I would never know, but everyone else would,”

My theory is that he probably ran away before it was his time to, before he’d hit that ripe special age. . . In order to experience it all for himself. He travels across time and space, adventuring and portraying himself as the hero from his parents stories. . .

He also idolized their love story, how the Timelord fell in love with the stars and the stars loved him back

According to his scarlet letters, he apparently eventually married a “woman” Ozma of Gallifrey, and had a daughter named Rose

Maybe he sends letters and postcards back to home, somehow, someway — maybe he studies ancient magic and science across the realms. . . Temples and priests etc forbidden knowledge that causes him to age rapidly — and one day he finally understands what his mother was trying to teach him, and the bitterness for his father waxes

Like he’s given the gift of sight, he’s gone backwards and forewords in time — span to span — lifetimes live in his mind, he neither feels like a god or man. . . He just feels burdened. . . He understands the weight of the responsibility placed on his shoulders to nit mishandle the gifts he’s been bestowed. . .

And then one day the letters stop. . .

In the end Cygnus didn’t sit well with being half Timelord and half Eternal, practically immortal — and gave up his godhood to be with his mortal family, aging and dying much to the grief of his parents (and younger siblings)

And as rumor would have it, he was stranded upon Gallifrey, unable to abandon his bride and child — unable to escape the wrath of the time lords. . .

2. Polaris // “Cecil” or “William” the God of Death

He was conceived before Trenzalore (or something like it) because the truth field causes her to blurt out that she’s pregnant “again”

He was a unique little boy, with mismatched eyes, close with his elder brother Cygnus and fascinated with his younger but somehow older brother Teddy. . .

But this one gets messy because Doc meets him out of order

In the end. . . He did not cope well with being a nigh immortal being at all, longing for companionship like his parents had found. . . Unable to accept his brother’s disappearance and eventual death, leading him down a dark path to become something akin to a vampire

His own wife had passed away, his mortal wife, and he began to ponder the matters of Life and Death, the circumstances and possibilities of the afterlife — where would someone like him go? Eternals cease to exist and TimeLords. . .

Her name was Briar and she lived on the moors, he immediately loved Briar with his whole being after meeting her in a tea shop wherein she accidentally mixed up their teas. . . And that was that

— and when she fell from her window and was rendered disabled he still loved her, even tho to Briar he was now practically a stranger as she lost her memory and grew feverish and mad . . .

It didn’t end very well

I like to imagine that’s when his obsession began, he studies magic and science and the occult, he experiments with his own essence — his time lord DNA and so on — he searches time and space for fountains of youth, for cures, for answers and. . . His answers don’t come in time

Unluckily for him, his unhealthy obsession (and her unborn child) caused the parents to believe in the occult too — when they denied the handsome strangers dowry (considering Briar’s state) and he didn’t leave. . . they burned his gifts, hung crucifixes, blessed the lot, cut down the trees and barred the windows

Polaris would never forget the feeling of grieving his unborn child alone, how the rage gripped him — and in his anger he began to burn. . .

Time passed, Briar aged, and Polaris was unwavering — the sicker she became — he could hardly keep himself away. . . In a moment of sheer desperation, Polaris broke into her bedroom, causing a great uproar, and filled the house with smoke, they believed he was the devil, come to make good on a bargain Briar made — he’d only done it because he felt her life waning and knew anyway would be her last

He was right — he felt her die in his arms. . . It rain and poured for days and nights, his grief was black and his wrath was hot — he blamed her family for keeping them apart

With all of his knowledge of the occult, of history, of science and magic. . . He settled in rural England and began his selfish crusade

But all of his experiments die horrible painful deaths that to the immature naked eye seemed like a vampiric disease — that Doc considered, yet thought had died out for lack of blood supply . . .

— which is so funny to me, because rural England and their fear of witches and the devil — you’ve got all of the young women popping up looking like they belong in a hammer horror film

— they’re all marked with bloody neck kisses, roses and complain of fatigue, fever, strange dreams of a man (no one wants to admit the truth) a lack of appetite, and severe body changes — before they go missing // Doc observes the transformation and mindless mutterings, the clammy pale skin, the way they writhe when the great beast emerges from the ruins and calls to them

And there’s this really handsome rich dude who weeps at all of the funerals, he’s been long established in town so no one suspects him but. . . He remains a happy bachelor, unusual for the age, his wife had passed from the disease and yadda yadda Polaris genuinely mourns every death, but he’s ruthless in his attempts

— eventually one girl does snitch because she’s terrified, and it turns out that handsome dude has monopolized half of the women and promised them a better life if only they’ll give him something in return — but she swears it’s love, and yet now realizes it probably isn’t. . .

And anyways, Doc doesn’t succeed in saving those poor women. . . He can’t figure out what thing the beast/handsome man is — vampires aren’t supposed to be real, he doesn’t understand how it works

— and also, beastie disappears before they can do much because, naturally, Polaris is mortified — it’s seeing a ghost — it’s seeing someone whom he’s aged past and almost forgotten at this point doesn’t have a father as he is dead, and therefore Polaris doesn’t want to have to harm him — nor does he want him seeing him this way

And then Doc discovered the disease in another land, in another time period, as if someone had broken the timeline or found a way to space-age travel (when they couldn’t have) . . And anyways, the disease broke out of its previous timeline and is now infesting downtown New York City and it wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t viscously indiscriminately killing everyone in sight. . . I imagine it to be VBTM sort of grunge goth 90s — like Blade or Queen if the Damned. I’m always after that latex gothic dystopian look.

The call him the vampire king. All Eternals take on the forms they’re most comfortable with, stabilizing with what helps them blend in the most — whether they resembles their parents or anything human is another story — and Polaris, the dramatic idiot, had chosen a vampire

He has his hot vampire wives: Belinda, Beatrice, and Bianca — a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead whom he cares for but loves is a different matter, he considers them companions, but not the ultimate companion. . . He still searches for the way to create another

Doc and the troupe pop up, again and find my man — straight up numb to the psychosexual bloody horror constantly happening around him, he just doesn’t want to be alone. . . He isn’t vindictive or forceful, it’s always him asking for permission but still. . . Him caring for the needing: children, the elderly, the mentally and physically unwell doesn’t mean much when you think of them becoming potential blood bags

— but it’s his appearance that catches Doc off guard, his mannerisms, the way he handles himself when they play their game of chess. . . There is something so familiar about him, about how glowing eyes and handsome looks

Polaris feels like a child standing in the face of his father, knowing fully that Doc doesn’t know who he is — and it’s kind of ironic, that he’d become something his father would so hate and have to defeat. . .

Apathetically he pleads his case, defending that he’s the last of his kind (although Doc is doomed to figure what he is) and that he looks after mankind as they’re flawed fragile creatures who cannot be trusted with their own fates — he lobbies that he’ll perfect vampirism, in such a way that the mortality rate will lower and all sides will win. . . And he won’t be alone ever again

— he cannot help with the double entendres, the things he mentions in passing, “my father told me/taught me/showed me”

What a strange impasse: Doc who doesn’t know it’s his child but has no idea on how to stop the creature + Polaris faced with his father and unable to kill him but tempted anyways

He eventually gives up his vampire ways and becomes the permanent companion of the ToyMaker, Doc deducing he’s some kind of immortal/eternal. . . and subsequently has no children. . .

And Doc reconciles that there are more and more Eternals than he thought: ToyMaker, LR, Fate, and Death

12’s Children:

- Castor // “Deo” or “Ulysses ” & Pollux // “Uma” or “Dido”

Castor and Pollux are a boy and girl, but I couldn’t find a gif I liked

Pollux is their only girl, and they worried at first that she couldn’t talk because she was a telepath and didn’t like to use her words

Castor and Pollux naturally complement each other in style and personality; and when they change their names they always wind up choosing names that complement the other like: Dido and Ulysses, Ursula and Deimos, Deo and Uma

Castor likes his hair pink, therefore Pollux wears hers blue or green — something to complement her brother

— Pollux looks a lot like her mother for the obvious fact + her mother also kept doting on her as her only girl, Pollux admires her mother and therefore emulates her but also struggles with not emulating her

Castor is a hot-headed empath which causes a lot of trouble. . . May it be accidental chaos or murder, I’m not sure // he’s highly sensitive, very soft hearted // and then he realizes how terrifying he is to mortals when he stomps around like that and he has a change of character

— him accidentally experiencing second hand death also helps

Pollux is a cool-headed telepath but her kindness is taken advantage of and at times she can be ��too dumb to live” — very flighty

Castor believes he is above mortality and doesn’t understand humbling himself to live among them, without interfering or ruling; his mother LR struggled in his education

The twins accidentally caused the Earth to Stand Still during one of their sneak off escapades from their father — Castor didn’t respect it as a privilege and Pollux really needs to grow a backbone against her brother

Castor and Pollux travel regularly as companions with their father, their “education” was the hardest for him to complete as referenced above

Twelve literally went white haired, totally

Pollux falls in love and chooses to be mortal which breaks Castor’s heart as they’ve almost never spent a day apart since birth. . . And of course, all of her remaining siblings depressed

Once their parents eventually pass, Castor chooses to live on Icarus’ colonies — guarding Pollux’s descendants

- Atlas // “Teddy” or “Arcturus”

He’s the one who technically happened first but wasn’t born first. . . He’s another one that was met out of order - Let me explain

His voice breaks the sound barrier, he can’t ever speak

So far my idea of Teddy is that either A. He slipped backwards in time and accidentally was Melody Pond’s neighbor, then therefore grew up beside her — assuming Doc & LR did it for safety reasons — ORRR B. He slipped backwards in time and became like the thing that lived under the bed & made her dolls come to life, y’a know, the little Angel on her shoulder that did magic and served as a guardian Angel

There’s so many different ways to do it, like he’s trapped in a mirror dimension, there are time worms, and his only connection becomes Melody whether she realizes it or not

And either way, normal human Melody Pond (because time lord DNA makes no sense—as opposed my trashy science lol) and her Teddy go on adventures like her uncle & aunt do

Maybe Melody keeps the time lord DNA idk? Or maybe she just garners different ways to time travel? And idk Teddy gives her a bit of his life, so that they may age and die together — but live a full life

Teddy is in love with her by the way, there was no avoiding that one, he’s imprinted and doesn’t understand anything else

12.5’s Children:

- Rigel // “John Coltrane”

The Galaxy has many wonders

I think he’s the closest we’d ever get to a second Doctor, as he’s completely in love with travelling all of time and space

And adjusted enough to being nigh immortal

I imagine him to be like Indiana Jones in space or like Treasure Planet — Johnny Cage.

- Phoebus // “Dr. Simon”

He is the egoic mad scientist of the age

To say he failed at coping with immortality is an understatement, what he unleashed upon the world was a complete nightmare

He is alienated from his family,

He created a utopia for the mortals: curing all disease, solving world hunger and population and housing, fixing the economy, creating world peace, creating a society of effective altruism, healing the earth

But there’s always a catch

He’s the Adrian Veidt: “Will I have to confiscate your little toy father? Or will you allow me to do my work?” “If I’m never born you’ll have my blood on your hands and perhaps the blood of my siblings; you couldn’t kill Hitler but you’ll kill me?”

Aside from Polaris being a vampire and heartlessly murdering, I think Phoebus truly horrified the Dr

He’s consumed with this false reality, “the greater good” he’s warped humanity and couldn’t care less

- Saros // “Arthur” or “Icarus”

Introverted not shy

He understands fully that he is nigh immortal but all life is precious, what does he do to cope? Alienate himself and watch after plants

His self-purpose is to watch after the sands of time, the fountains of youth; and all of the it’s flora and fauna

He’s close with his other two brothers

He writes to Cygnus

He was called Icarus for trying to interfere with the mortals and play god, meaning well but watching them die anyways

And that’s when he decided to stay inside for forever

I think if any iterations of the Dr were to come into contact with Saros, Saros would be like so very tight lipped and uncomfortable and awkward

They’re here to see the fountain of youth and they’ve run into the Gardner, who lives alone in the middle of nowhere as a hermit — never expects visitors

Perhaps Phoebus and Rigel, maybe even Atlas pop in to say hello — I imagine he and Rigel are quite close, probably companions to some degree. Rigel is always bringing back all of his stories and treasures — turning the garden into a treasure planet

We Aren’t Sure:

- Argus Vega // “Nemo” — The God of Love

He just is: L.R. Never told him “which one” was his father because it hardly mattered, the Dr wasn’t able to be there — wasn’t there when he was born and wasn’t there to help him become a man nor was he able to “educate him” via the Tardis

Another Cats in the Cradle situation except, when Argus became old enough he left home on his own — branching off as most Eternals do — given the fact that most aren’t naturally “nesting” type of fellows and Argus grew up without the other eight siblings // and when L.R. Sacrifices her immortality (spoiler) to age and die with her Dr, Argus is baffled

He cannot fathom why his mother truly loved his father, in such a way that she’d choose death rather than surviving by her children

It hardens him

Luckily for him, his life is derailed by Eleven accidentally meeting him out of order

Argus originally came to Andaraan a LONG time ago, the planet of who would become the Andar

He sees the future and all realities, utilizing it to poise himself as the Love God, and the Andar shaped their culture around him, as he parasitically merged himself with their society

Every year the Andara made pilgrimage to the temples of O, where they pledged themselves and their mates to the love God — and every year the love God blessed them and their land with fertility (supposedly) And he’d reveal their soulmates by visions & dreams and bless or curse their marriages

Meanwhile, Argus got to be a Ladykiller, playin as the sort of promiscuous love God that the Greeks and Roman’s spoke of — until he fell in love with Estella of Feld, the Queen of Love and Beauty, his soulmate

Her beautiful song, stilled and paused the Love god

She was in an arranged marriage, highly uncommon for the Andar — and it was kept a great secret, as the prince in question had “broken” his soulmate. . .

Argus came to Estella every year, during the festival, while all were in drunken stupors — fat and sated with wine and food, tired from dancing and singing — he would cause the night to rage and dawn as if to hide his excellence whilst climbing her tower

They’d meet and lay together; he bore her many strange sons and daughters whom he dutifully looked after, knowing they’d be as he was — and the foolish King was none the wiser thinking his bloodline had been blessed by the gods

When Estella finally passed, in his heartache and grief, he turns all if the Andar into statues, holding his Estella’s corpse close and cool — never wishing to be alone

But anyways, dad interferes

He brought his companions to the planet of love: Hermitheo — to enjoy the festivities, the traditions of gold masks until midnight, the virgins and lovers wearing strange robes as they dance beneath eye eyes of a golden god, the flowers, the food, the wine and singing

But he knows there is something awful brewing in the air, surely it’s superstition

And then he realizes the statue is alive and somehow telepathically giving visions to people

And then the festival is over, and a great storm begins to grew — the Andar fear it’s because of the ignorance of the Dr but the next day they awake to their crops being blessed

When Doc goes back in time a little further he runs into a swaggering gentleman whom the women can’t help but love, they call him Adonis - an earth name

Adonis is a lady killer and he takes a liking to the Doc, always trying to get him into trouble — and when I say lady killer I mean Casanova and Don Juan WISH they could

Everywhere he goes, they can’t help it, they just swoon and smile at him — and he eats it up; life I easy when people can’t help but want to please you

Doc has trouble keeping his attention, gettin him to focus on much other than drinking or whoring — although he claims to love everyone of them

Adonis admits he doesn’t have many friends

In Conclusion:

None of these kids were prepared to live forever let alone live forever alone

#Spotify #dr who #eleventh doctor x y/n #doctor who #occ #rewrite #twelfth doctor #tenth doctor #doctor who x oc #doctor who x reader #don’t kink shame me #don’t hate me #fanfic #fan fiction

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thebadtimewolf · 1 year ago

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The Duchess watched him carefully and listened. Choosing her words. "Time was always irrelative, irrelative enough to even have travelers of time at all. You should've known that long enough by your travels alone." She was just a smidge closer, enough to adjust or tug at his bow tie if she wanted.

And then she decided on the truth. There was a flicker of old warmth in her eyes and then it snuffed out in a blink.

"Earth was destroyed in the year five billion, a new star eventually formed, and now we're on a new earth though - a tad different. Called New Gallifrey. Right in the same spot as Earth used to be. Bit bigger than Gallifrey, heavily protected in case of another sun expansion. Ruled over. You're currently in my sector - my territory out of the three. I picked the one that looked the most like home. Mountains, great fields, open space. And with how much I have to begin a full Gallifrey-based species reborn in my ship, it wasn't hard."

A pause to let it sink in. It was a lot of information, after all. "You're dead. Trenzalore is gone. So I kept your crypt. Well, not just your crypt." She found the back of her fingers stroking under her chin. "A - for better digestability for your sake - 'alternate' Donna Noble took over initially. She has her sector, and I have mine." Then a grin began to grow, her voice lower. "I'm a lord burner now which is rather fun. When I'm not busy, they call me the Duchess."

Open starter that ANYONE is welcome to respond to!

“Is there a reason you are handcuffing me?” the Doctor asked as his wrists were pulled behind his back and handcuffs were put on him.

#ch: the duchess #thedoctornumber11 #v: tbd #bw: caress the queue #{had to cut because it was getting long}

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melancholydreadfuldream · 5 years ago

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dream of the sky’s still blue

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 11th Doctor x Reader, 12th Doctor x Reader, 13th Doctor x Reader

Summary: Companion chosen by the Doctor are always special in their own way but you, you are just a tag-along, courtesy of Clara. Maybe that’s why it was easy for him to hurt and abandon you.

Warning: ooc, angst, insecurity, self-harm, depression, madness, suicidal, DW AU mess-up, etc

A/N: The timeline of adventures on this fic will be switch around hence the warning of AU. I also bullshitting my way with this fanfiction so this will contain plot hole. I hope you enjoy reading it nonetheless. Please like/comment if you like this fic?

What is it about love that make people do irrational thing? I had to go and fall in love with an alien and one who is so out of my league too. He's a silly man most of the times but also, he's the smartest man alive. He's kind and amazing. His name is the Doctor. It wasn't his real name but he said it's the only name that matter. Until Clara and I met River Song, the Doctor's wife, at least her ghost data...? Whatever that means...

River saved us when an enemy of the Doctor attacked us, demanding the Doctor to tell them his true name in order to open the Doctor's grave. She knew his true name. Why am I surprised? If anyone know, it would be his wife.

Clara and I were best friend since childhood. She was the only friend I have actually. I was invisible as a child and Clara saw me and made me her friend. Over the years, of course, she has got better friends, but to her, I will always be her best friend. She never left me behind.

I met the Doctor when he attempted to break into the house where Clara worked. After hearing Clara's distress voice from inside the house, I panicked too. After that, I witnessed this strange man rescued her. I was very grateful.

When the Doctor invited Clara to come along on board the Tardis, Clara agreed on the condition I can go with them too. To my surprise, he agreed immediately. I thought for sure he would not want me around. I was grateful to Clara because of her, I was able to see the wonder of the universe.

Of course, then I had to go and fell for the Doctor. He was kind and affectionate enough toward the both of us. I can't help blushing every time he put his hands on me. Much to my embarrassment, of course, Clara noticed and teased me about it. Clara, being the good friend, she encouraged me to confess my feeling for him but I didn't want to ruin whatever fragile friendship I have with the Doctor.

I can't help but be jealous of Clara. She has got the Doctor's attention almost immediately even though he met us roughly at the same time. I didn’t know it at the times that he had met her twice before. His impossible girl. Now I know why. Clara, the girl who was born to save the Doctor, splintered herself into many pieces inside the Doctor's timeline in order to rescue him.

It was then I noticed that Clara is slowly falling for the Doctor too. And who can blame her? The Doctor was such a charmer in his own way. Clara was special to the Doctor, I can tell. After all, the Doctor owed her a life debt for all those times her echoes died for his every incarnation.

I knew then I never stood a chance to gain his interest. I was just nobody, just a tag-along. And It's hurt, so much. I probably should have left, stop traveling with them and let whatever attraction between them become mutual. If anyone deserve to have the best in life, it would be her, Clara, my best friend.

But my heart couldn't let go just yet. So, I stick around. But I told Clara that I know that she has feeling for the Doctor too and I told her to go for it.

"It's not like I have a chance. He never sees me."

Clara was upset with me whenever I said that. "Then we will make him see you." she said as she gave me a hug. "You are my best friend. I want you to be happy."

"I want you to be happy too, Clara." I said. "You love him. You deserve to have a go with him. Don't hold back because of me."

7777

I watched as my Doctor, the Eleventh one, argued with his past self whom he introduced me as Tenth Doctor. I ended up with three Doctors during an adventure. At Clara's urging, I jumped into the portal, following the Doctor. It was Clara's idea for me to catch his attention. I have to stop being timid, she said. It was really hard to do but for the Doctor, I was willing to try and be reckless.

"You have feeling for my future incarnation." The War Doctor said suddenly.

I almost jumped in my seat. I didn't think he would talk to me. I gulped as I glanced at him much like a guilty child. "I...what? No, I..."

He chuckled. "Oh, your face..."

I glared at him this time.

After he was done with his amusement in my expense, he turned to me with wistful smile. "You should tell him."

"He doesn't feel the same." I blurted out.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "How do you know?"

"Because I saw how he look at Clara and I know..."

"Clara?"

"My best friend. His impossible girl."

The War Doctor nodded. "You should tell him anyway. He might surprise you."

I glanced at him and I opened my mouth to ask what he meant but he seemed distracted like he was seeing someone who was not there.

7777

Clara always said the right words. Thanks to her, the three Doctors ended up saving their home planet, instead of destroying it.

I smiled as the three Doctors and Clara are busy congratulating each other. To my surprise, the War Doctor came to me and gave me a hug. I hugged him back.

After the War Doctor and Tenth Doctor are gone, I finally realized something horrible. The War Doctor knew of my feeling for the Doctor, doesn't that mean my Doctor know? I was terrified at the realization. I wanted to find a hole and crawl under it. But, Clara assured me that the timeline was out of sync at the times, chances are the Doctor might not remember his time as the War Doctor anyway.

7777

Then Trenzalore happened.

We were in the town of Christmas with a truth field surrounding the town. Of course, Clara and I ended up embarrassing ourselves by accidentally revealing our feeling for the Doctor. Thankfully, the crisis at hand didn't give any of us time to address the issue. I was fine pretending I didn't say anything.

Then, the Doctor realized he has found Gallifrey on the other side of the crack of time in the wall inside the tower. The planet itself was surrounded by various enemies of Gallifrey, ready to reign hell upon Trenzalore.

The Doctor ordered Clara and I to go back to the Tardis and to charge his sonic screwdriver. Clara obeyed him immediately. I followed her but stopped short suddenly. Why did he send both of us just to charge his sonic? I had a sneaky suspicious that the Doctor was up to something. I didn't step into the Tardis and to my surprise, the Tardis suddenly vanished before my eyes.

I knew it. He was trying to spare us by sending us away. Didn't work though because I didn't get inside the Tardis. I turned to glance at the Tower. Now what? He will be angry when he realized I was still here. I know I'm being stupid; I did not have anything to offer the Doctor to help defending the planet, but I want to stay here with him. He will think I was a burden, a nuisance so maybe I should stay out of his sight for now.

"(name)?"

So much for staying out of sight. I turned around to face his wrath.

"What are you still doing here? You should be in the Tardis with Clara!"

"You send her away."

"You should not be here! This place is about to be a war zone! Do you understand?" He yelled at me angrily. "You could die if you stay here!"

"I know! I just, Doctor, but...I...I can't just leave you here alone." I said softly.

The Doctor stared at me, speechless. Then he growled. "You stupid...ugh!!"

I flinched. The words hurt but I braced myself.

He turned around and left me. He went back to the tower. "Get yourself into safety with the other!" He yelled without looking at me.

So, I did as I was told. I helped the others to evacuate to a safer place.

Thankfully, the Doctor was able to control the crisis in town.

7777

For the next few days, I avoided the Doctor and he didn't bother seek me out either. I caught a glimpse of him sometimes but I made sure I was out of his sight.

I made a friend here; her name is Laura. She was kind. She was, like me, a timid girl so I was drawn to her immediately. I was grateful for her presence. Most days, I missed Clara and wonder how she was doing back at home. I wonder if I would ever see her again. Laura made me feel less lonely. I would like to think that I did the same for her.

Laura made me feel welcomed here with some of the people in town. Most of them were very nice. She got me some routine job to spend my days so I did not get sad or bored. I was useless to the Doctor anyway.

I sat near one of the fireplaces at the yard in front of the town school. The town people are having a small celebration for days where they are not under attack. I smiled as I watched them being lively and happy despite the bad situation surrounding us. Even the Doctor seemed to have a good time, dancing silly dance with the children. The Doctor did always have soft spot for children.

Laura took a seat by my side and we got to talk about some stuff. She asked me about the Doctor. She noticed there are tension between the Doctor and me, she asked about it. She also noticed the longing look I apparently keep throwing at the Doctor.

Because of the damn truth field, I told her everything that is my truth. I told her I was in love with the Doctor and about how he didn't care about me like that. I told her about Clara and the Doctor. I told her that the Doctor never see me for me, that I was just Clara's friend and nothing else. And that I was somewhat okay with it. I have always known I was invisible among people. But I do wonder if he would be nicer if it was Clara instead who is trapped in the town with him. Clara would never take his harsh attitude and would probably be snarky right back at him. I couldn't.

I didn't realize I was crying until Laura gave me a hug.

A boy, Gilbert, approached us and asked Laura to dance with him. Laura accepted with my urging.

I watched them with a smile. Ah, to be young and in love. I sighed. I sounded like I was already old. I chuckled. And then the bitterness filled me. I was jealous. I hated myself for feeling like that.

I shuddered in cold even with the blanket around me. Suddenly, someone covered their jacket over my blanket. I glanced up and saw the Doctor. My heart skipped a beat as he took a seat beside me.

For a few seconds, he didn't say anything. Then he suddenly nudged me and then he said that he missed me.

I smiled softly at him. "I miss you too, Doctor."

"I'm sorry for how I acted before." He said softly.

I shook my head. "You were right. I was useless. There is nothing I can offer you to help. I was just being a nuisance to you."

The Doctor suddenly grabbed one of my arms while his other hand raised my chin to face him properly. "You are not a nuisance to me, (name). You are my friend. Despite the circumstance, I'm glad that you are here."

"There is no place I would rather be..." I said as I gazed at him and I realized it was the truth. This truth field made me being truth full and brave for some reason. Usually I would never say stuff like that out loud.

The Doctor stared at me. His eyes looked sad. He released me from his hold.

"Don't make that kind of face, Doctor. I choose this. I choose you." I said as I grabbed one of his hands.

"Even when you think I didn't care for you; you would still choose me?" He asked.

I frowned. Then I felt embarrassed when I realized he heard my talk with Laura earlier.

"You are wrong, you know. I do care about you. And you are not just Clara's friend. You are mine too." He said. "I'm sorry to make you feel like you are unseen to me."

I didn't know what to say to him now.

The Doctor stood suddenly and raised one hand toward me.

I glanced at him in confusion.

"Come with me. Back into the tower."

The Tower is where he stayed. I smiled at the invitation as I took his hand.

7777

Ever since that night, our relationship improved slightly. He was no longer ignoring me which I was very grateful.

I loved watching him work on whatever he is doing. I couldn't help him at all but I'm glad to be a witness to his awesomeness every time he solves something or have a grand plan. He even made a new sonic screwdriver from random stuff he found around.

I didn't stay with him all the time though. He always sends me away whenever the town is under attack. He was fiercely protective of me. I tried to watch over him too. It was a good thing I did. Once when the town is under fierce attack, he nearly got shot by a sneaky dalek but I pushed him down onto the road.

The Doctor is surprised to see me but he also quick to disable the dalek.

I pushed myself off him and glanced up at him as he quickly towers over me in anger.

"(name), what are you doing here?! I told you to hide!" He shouted at me.

"Watch your own back then, Doctor!!" I yelled angrily.

"You're hurt." The Doctor suddenly said as he bent his knees and grabbed one of my arms.

I just realized I got a graze from the shot just now. "It was fine."

The Doctor glared at me and then he barked orders on one of the town people to nurse my injury as he left me behind to deal with another attack somewhere else.

7777

I waited for the Doctor inside the tower. When he returned, he was giving me silent treatment much to my annoyance. So, I pushed him to talk to me.

"You could have died."

"So could you. I saved you." I said.

"I didn't ask you to."

"You didn't have to."

The Doctor glanced at me with that look of sorrow again. He suddenly put one hand over my cheeks. "Don't be reckless, (name), you've only one life. You are only human, so fragile."

"You told me this is your last generation and that you don't have anymore. Of course, I have to save you, Doctor. How can I let you die? You are the hope of this town, of the people. But also, because I love you. To see you die before me is not an option!" I said firmly.

The Doctor is giving me this look I can't decipher. "But it was okay to let me see you die first?"

"I am always going to die first. You know that. I'm sorry that I made you care for me, that maybe losing me will cause you some pain but I will not let you die before me. Because if you do, I don't want to live anymore." I probably shouldn't say that but damn truth field is outing all my pain. "But you, Doctor, you will live even if you lose me. And when the Tardis returned and all of this is over, you will go on your next adventure with Clara or some new companion whose life you changed for the better as you did mine. And I am okay with it. To die for you would be an honour."

"Oh, (name)...that's not something I want for you."

"Well, tough...this is my life, Doctor, my choice."

"You keep saying that but do you even understand?"

"Don't treat me like a child, Doctor."

"Then stop acting like it."

The words hurt. I knew if we kept talking, we will hurt each other more so I left the tower.

7777

Despite the warning not to go to the lake alone at night, I did it anyway. I just need to get away and so I did. And it was lucky that I did because I heard a child's cries for help. I perked up and tried to locate the source.

There was a little boy. He seemed to get stuck in the middle of the frozen lake. What is he doing over there in the first place? I wanted to run to get help from other people but the boy, upon seeing me, begged me not to left him behind. He was crying. I promised him I would return. I ran back and screamed for help, hoping someone would hear and come immediately. I returned back and quickly tried to get to the kid.

Of course, I should have left the rescue to professional. But I wasn't thinking, okay? The kid is making me panic too because he was crying really loud. I grabbed the kid just as some of people come upon us only to have the ice beneath us cracked and we both fell back into a cold dark water. And that's when I saw the body of the little girl inside. She was long dead it seemed.

7777

I woke up inside the tower with the Doctor looking so gloomy. It has been three days apparently since I was rescued from inside the lake.

"Doc...tor...?"

He looks relieved when he saw me woke up. He gave me water immediately. "You could have died, (name)..."

I wanted to roll my eyes. Not this argument again. "Doctor, please..."

"I could have lost you today." He didn't listen. "How can I ever face Clara if anything happened to you? You are her best friend, (name), she would kill me."

I chuckled.

The Doctor glared at me. "It's not funny. This is life or death, (name)."

I couldn't help but burst into a giggle.

The Doctor look affronted at not being taken seriously. "Shut up." he said with a pout.

I smiled softly. "Make me."

To my surprise, he kissed me softly.

I blinked in shock, definitely speechless.

He pulled back from the kiss and sighed against my forehead. "Don't ever do that again to me, (name). I can't bear to lose you too soon."

I didn't reply. My mind still busy on the fact that the Doctor just kissed me. He actually kissed me in the mouth and not for CPR. I can't think very clearly. My brain is no longer working.

"(name)?" He called out when I didn't respond.

"You kissed me."

"I...did?"

"You kissed me."

The Doctor suddenly feeling embarrassed now.

"Why?"

"I... don’t know, it just feels right at the moment?"

"Doctor!"

He sighed. "You choose me. So, this is me, choosing you right back."

I frowned at his wording. "I didn't ask you to."

"You didn't have to."

I don't know what this meant. Did he love me or did he just feel the obligation to love me back because I said it first and we are trapped here together for the time being? Did he pity me for my feeling for him? "I don't need your pity or your charity, Doctor." I spat with venom.

The Doctor look confused. "(name)..."

I turned my back from him and ignored him. Tears fell into my cheeks. I sniffed.

The Doctor sighed and for a few seconds, there are only awkward silence. "It wasn't pity or charity, (name)..." he finally said.

"I don't believe you..." I whispered but I know he can hear me.

7777

After I got better, I found out about the boy on the lake. His name is Adam. He was playing with a little girl named Greta on the lake and had an accident. Greta didn't survive, she hit her head hard when she fell into the lake.

Adam's parents are very grateful for me even though I didn't actually save him. Adam glanced at me timidly and give me flower as a gesture of gratitude. His mother told me that Adam might be crushing on me. I thought that was kind of adorable of him.

Laura fussed over me. She was glad that I survived. She filled me in about the three days I missed. Thankfully there are no attack during the time I was out of it.

Laura stayed with me and she talked and I listened. She got distracted by Gilbert and I teased her about him. She blushed cutely.

She asked me for advice regarding how to approach or have a talk with a boy.

I shook my head. "You're talking the wrong person if you are seeking love advice." I said. "I never have a boyfriend."

"Well, how do you usually talk with that Doctor of yours?"

This time I was the one who is blushing. "He's not my boyfriend!" I blurted out. I looked around worried that someone or the Doctor could hear us.

Laura grinned. "I never said he is. But...you want him to be, don't you?" She teased. "You love him."

I sighed. "The Doctor is not someone who just fall in love just like that. You would have to be very impressive person like Clara or River. And I'm not..." I said with a touch of sadness. "As for how I usually talk with him, well, mostly he does all the talking."

"If being with him pains you so much, why would you stay with him?" Laura asked. "Out of sight out of mind would be better, no?"

"I guess I'm not ready to let go..."

7777

The Doctor left for some meeting with the people he put in charge of security of the town. I was on my own in the tower. I pulled my ipod from my bag, the one I always carried everywhere we go. Thank God, I had the bag with me when I got stuck here. I love listening to music, they made my days more bearable. Clara used to tease me that I would put my earbuds just to put people off from talking to me. In a way, she was right.

Ever since I become the Doctor’s companion, I had to go out of my comfort zone more. Many times, I wondered whether I deserve to be his companion. I was too timid. Clara always had my back so it wasn’t so bad. But, she was not here right now. I had to force myself to interact with other people. I was very grateful to have meet and befriended Laura.

I took a seat on the stairs in the tower. I hummed along my current favorite song, a bittersweet song. Clara used to tease me for liking sad song but then she would also sing along with me whenever we were in a mood to sing. My heart ached at the memories. I missed her so much. I wish she was here with me.

I was so focused on my thought I didn’t realize when the Doctor returned and took a seat on the stairs where I was.

“What song are you listening too?”

I jumped in surprise. “Doctor! When did you get here?”

The Doctor shrugged and glanced at me, expecting me to answer his question.

Why was he that curious about the song I was listening to? I pulled off one of my earbuds and gave it to him.

The Doctor put on the earbud. He actually stayed still to listen to the song. He was usually so bouncy, unable to stay in one place for too long.

“It was my current favorite song.” I said.

He hummed. “Clara did mention you have thing for sad song.”

My eyes widened. “When did she say that to you?”

He didn’t answer.

“Do you and Clara talk about me a lot?” I asked, suddenly feeling insecure.

“Only good things, don’t worry.” He finally answered with a small smile.

My ipod suddenly made a bleep sound. I sighed in disappointment when I realized the battery is about to run out. I left my charger on board the Tardis and the Tardis was nowhere in sight.

The Doctor pulled his sonic screwdriver. He made a new one. He pointed the sonic to my ipod. “There now, it’s fully charged.” He said.

I smiled at him gratefully. “Thank you, Doctor.”

We sat still as we share music together on that stairs.

7777

I watched as the Doctor was asked by the children to tell them a story and being the kind man he is, he can hardly refused them. I watched in amusement as the Doctor dramatically tell a story that made the children giggling. There was a lot of whirling on the Doctor’s part. It was funny.

I noticed Adam didn’t enjoy the story as much as the other children. I sat with him and asked him how he was doing.

“He is deliberately being silly.” Adam said.

“He is a silly man.” I said.

“I don’t like it.”

“Because he was supposed to be cool?” I asked.

“Well, yeah, he is a hero that defends the town but look at him, playing with kids.”

“What’s wrong with playing with kids?”

“He’s an adult. It’s weird.”

“I don’t think it’s weird.”

“Well, yeah, that’s because you like ‘like’ him.”

I was surprised that he noticed my feeling for the Doctor and I felt so embarrassed that even a kid noticed it. Was I that transparent? “It wasn’t like that. We are just friend.” I quickly said.

Adam gave me a look that said I was a terrible liar.

I decided to change the subject. “Well then, do you have anything you would rather do? I could join you, if you like.”

Adam’s face brightened at that. He grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the Doctor and the other children.

7777

I met a man called John. He was a soldier. He was assigned to help the Doctor to keep the peace. Lately, he has been coming to see me a lot. Laura said that he was courting me. I didn’t believe it but I was begining to believe that it was true. I have no idea what to do. I tried to let him down gently.

To my annoyance, even John noticed that that I have feeling for the Doctor. “He can’t ever love you as I do. I can give you a life that you deserve.” He said.

Even if he was right, I couldn’t love him back. John told me he talked to the Doctor and asked his permission to court me and he gave him the go ahead. I felt like I was being slapped.

The Doctor actually gave him permission to court me? He wasn’t even my guardian. But, in a way, he was, wasn’t he? But, what about his confession earlier, about choosing me back? Was that a lie? Did he retract that because I said I didn’t believe him?

My heart ached so badly. I wanted to cry. I begged John to give me some space. I left him and went into the lake.

“Are you okay, miss (name)?” Adam asked.

I was surprised to see him there. I quickly wiped my tears and put on a small smile. “I’m fine. My eyes are just hurting a bit.”

“Do adult believe in that sort of rubbish excuse?” He asked.

I chuckled at that and I messed his hair up.

“Don’t treat me like a kid.” Adam pushed my hand away in annoyance.

7777

I was mad at the Doctor. I foolishly accepted John who asked me to have a dance with him during a festive in town. I wanted the Doctor to be jealous. But, of course, he didn’t blink an eye as I danced and talked with John.

It was unfair of me to stringing John along. I confessed to him that I was still in love with the Doctor. He said he knew and he was fine with it. He begged me to get to know him too. He hope to open my eyes and let me see his genuine love for me.

Life would be so much easier if you liked the right people. For me, John could have been that person. The Doctor, as amazing as he is, was out of my league. On top of that, he was immortal and he aged very slowly. I was only human, after all, can’t help feeling about my own vanity. We could never be together, could we? Ugh, I was horrible.

I tried to give John a chance. I tried. But my heart still beats for the Doctor. After a month of courting, I told John that he should no longer waste his time courting me and that if he like, I would like to remain friend with him.

John was upset. He left without saying anything. I regretted that it was our last meeting. John died during one of the attack in town that same night. I felt guilty and I grieved for him.

7777

I was with the Doctor in the tower. We sat together in the balcony, watching the moon.

“Why did you give John permission to court me?” I asked suddenly, surprising him.

“I thought it was obvious. You deserve a normal life with a man who can grow old with you.”

I guess, the Doctor worried about vanity too. I nodded. “He would be perfect. He was a good man.”

The Doctor nodded and muttered something along the line “...despite being a soldier...”

I sighed as I pulled my blanket closer around me. “But I wish you didn’t do that.” I said. “It made me think about how little you must think about my feeling for you.”

“It wasn’t like that.” The Doctor quickly said. “I just want you to be happy.”

“You told me before that you were choosing me back, was that a lie?”

“It wasn’t a lie. But I’m an old man, (name), I don’t deserve you. You deserve better than me.” The Doctor said. “I was very jealous seeing you dance with John. I knew you did that on purpose to try to get me to react.”

“You noticed that, huh?”

“Oh believe me, I have to restrain myself from pulling you from him and kiss you right then and there...” He said. “But I can’t be selfish with you.”

“What if I want you to be selfish?” I asked. “What if I want to spend the rest of my life loving you and be loved back in return by you?”

“It certainly will be a challenge.” The Doctor said. “But, you have to be sure that this is what you really want, (name). I am a Time Lord. When we loved someone, we loved so completely to the point almost obsession. You need to be absolutely sure you want this because...I don’t think I could let you go should we go through with this.”

I moved closer to the Doctor and put one hand over his cheek. “I choose you, my Doctor.”

The Doctor smiled solemnly as he put his hand over mine. “As you wish, my dearest (name).”

7777

True to his words, he started showing his affection for me. He started with romantic gestures like a candlelight dinner, a dance with my favorite song played on speaker (yes, that’s right, he made a speaker so that I could connect it to my ipod) and just overall being amazing boyfriend.

He taught me how to use his sonic screwdriver. “Just point and think.” He said standing real close behind me. His arms enveloped me as he helped me point the sonic to the correct target.

“What? Just like that? When you put it like that, it sounded like the sonic is a magic wand.” I said teasingly.

He pouted adorably.

7777

I was happy being with the Doctor. I tried not to think about the future, to just live in the moment. Then something bad happened. Something that I didn’t even see coming. I didn’t even think the Doctor suspect it. The town was under attack and I was looking for Adam. He was nowhere to be found. His parents were worried. I went to the lake with the sonic the Doctor gave me for protection. I thought he would be there. I was hoping not to stumble with any of the Doctor’s enemies here.

But what I saw...is horrible. I saw something I shouldn’t. I can’t comprehend what it is I was seeing. I had to go back and tell the Doctor about it. But, I made a sound unintentionally and he found me.

He was fast and strong for a kid.

I fell to the ground and he descend upon me with a hammer. “Adam, don’t!”

Adam smiled coldly at me. “You saw it, didn’t you? That’s too bad. I really really like you, miss (name). But now you have to go.”

I yelped as he pulled his hammer over my head. Sharp pain filled my head as blood trailing down the side of my face. I felt dizzy. The sonic fell to the ground, covered in my blood.

Adam picked it up. “I will tell him that you were killed. This thing will be the evidence.”

I was horrified. This kid was actually planning to kill me for real?

“It was easy, you see. Everyone trust a kid, even the Doctor. Even John... Others children are easy to manipulated too...”

My eyes widened at the mention of John. “You killed John? Why?”

“You like him too much.” He said. “I know you like the Doctor too. But I can’t kill the Doctor. We need him. But, I suppose this way is better. No one gets to have you now. I’m sorry that it has come to this. I really like you ever since you saved me from the lake.”

Of course, only me would have a psycho kid as an admirer. Any other companion of the Doctor would probably die by another alien hand while I got a psycho kid instead.

I tried to move away but I was too weak. The headache is getting worse. I can barely think.

“I’m sorry, miss (name).” Adam said, sounding genuinely upset even with that chilling smile on his face.

“That’s enough.”

I heard someone said. I didn’t recognize who it was. I think it was a man dressed in black?

The man walked toward Adam and grabbed the kid before he could do so much as screaming. He put his hands over the kids’ temples. Adam stopped struggling. The man then shushed the kid away. He walked toward me.

“900 years of wondering what exactly happened to you. Which of my enemies got to you. And it was just some crazy kid?” He lamented in disbelief.

I tried to focus to stay awake but it was getting hard. “Who…?”

The man bends his knees right beside me. He pulled a sonic screwdriver. Was it mine? I can’t tell. “Don’t move.”

I succumbed to the darkness gratefully.

7777

I woke up in a med bay. I recognized it as the med bay on board of the Tardis.

“Ah, you are finally awake.”

I saw the man from before. I didn’t know who he is. “Who are you? Where is the Doctor?”

The man raised an eyebrow at me. “I’m the Doctor.”

My jaw dropped in disbelief. “No, you are not the Doctor.”

“I regenerated.”

“See, that was a lie. My Doctor told me he was in his last regeneration. You can’t be him. What game are you trying to play here?”

“No game. I got a new set of regeneration. You can thank your best friend for that.”

I blinked. “Clara? Clara is here too? Where?”

“I kind of left her with Vastra and Jenny. No worry, we can come back for her later.”

“Are you really the Doctor?” I asked tentatively.

“Yes.”

“How? You said… How did Clara…?”

“Near the end of my times, I was dying; Clara returned with the Tardis and she convinced the other Time Lords to help me. And here we are.”

“You said on the lake that it has been 900 years…” I whispered. “Did I die?”

“Obviously not, you are here, aren’t you?”

“But you said you have been wondering what happened to me. Did you…crossing your own time stream to save me?”

“Don’t talk about thing that you don’t understand.”

“Well then, explain to me.”

“I don’t think your pudding brain could comprehend it.”

I was very offended. “You are rude.”

The Doctor shrugged as if he didn’t care.

“What did you do to Adam?” I asked.

“Does it matter?”

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t care. Now answer the question.”

“I told him to go be useful somewhere else.”

“What is that supposed to mean? Did you harm him?”

“Why do you care? He tried to kill you.”

“He’s just a kid.”

“One who has a taste for murder? Greta? John? Ring a bell?”

“He needs help.”

“Oh, don’t worry; I give him exactly what he need.” The Doctor said with a dark tone.

I shivered under his gaze. I started wondering if this man really is the Doctor.

7777

I was so excited to see Clara again. I was about to approach her but she was talking with the Doctor on the console room. She looked sad. I heard the end of what the Doctor said to her.

“I’m not your boyfriend.”

“I never thought you were.”

“I didn’t say it was your mistake.”

My heart ached suddenly. Did that mean the Doctor used to consider Clara his girlfriend? I wanted to hit myself. Why am I still surprise with it? I knew that he has feeling for Clara despite his claim back then of choosing me. Maybe he meant he settle for me. I sighed as I wiped my glassy eyes.

They were still unaware of my presence. They talked about things that I seemed to miss. Something about an ad in a newspaper and a phone number.

I finally made my presence known.

Clara actually look a bit alarmed to see me. I saw her exchanged a look with the Doctor.

The Doctor only shrugged.

Clara went to hug me and I hugged her back tightly.

“I miss you so much, Clara.” I said.

“I miss you more.” Clara said.

The Doctor watched the two of us with a smile. “So, where to next?”

I was surprised when Clara said she want to go home. I sensed something was up between the Doctor and Clara, something that I missed.

Clara asked me if I want to go home with her and I was just speechless.

The Doctor glanced at me without a word.

“I think I will stay for a while. I need to talk with the Doctor.” I said finally as I glanced back at him.

Clara stared at the two of us before nodded. “I will give you some space.” She went out of the Tardis just as her phone rangs.

I turned to the Doctor. I seated myself on the stairs. “So, are you going to give me the same speech, more or less, about how you are not my boyfriend?”

He raised an eyebrow at that. “Do you want me too?”

“I’m giving you an out, Doctor. I knew you only settle for me because Clara was not with us back in Trenzalore.”

“Maybe you are the one in need of an out. Didn’t like my new face, eh? Too old for you?”

I glared at him. “That’s not fair. Do you really think me so little?”

“You can’t even look at me and see me as the Doctor.”

“Well, forgive me for being a human! I’m not used yet to the new grumpy face. Also this you are rude.”

“I saved you and I was rude?”

“You called me pudding brain!”

“I called everyone pudding brain. Don’t take it personally.”

I glared at him.

“I meant every words back in Trenzalore. You wanted this. I did warn you I won’t be easily letting you go and what was that you said to me back then?”

I was silent for a few seconds. “I choose you, my Doctor.” I repeated my words to him back then.

“And, do you still meant every words?”

“I...Of course. Yes.”

“You don’t sound sure.”

I couldn’t say anything.

“I see. You prefer the other face more.”

“That’s not it! I just need time to get used to this new you. Is that too much to ask?”

“Fine. I will give you time.” He said with a huff as he moved to get out of the Tardis and I could hear him talking to Clara outside.

Seemed like Clara is having a hard time accepting the new doctor like me. But, it seemed like he managed to convince her. When I got out of the Tardis, Clara waved me over to join them for chips.

7777

I have to sort out my life outside of the Tardis. I lost my job at the diner just yesterday. The Doctor showed up at my work place, basically insulting me and everyone who worked there. I was angry at the Doctor for calling my job as a dead end job, no matter whether he was right or not.

Clara was lucky she got a position as a teacher at a high school. Clara has always the brave out of the two of us. I was content hiding away and be invicible. Clara would never be satisfied with that. She loves being in the spotlight, much like the Doctor. It was a miracle that the two of them actually put up with me.

Clara did get me a job at administration department at the high school she teaches eventually. It wasn’t that bad, thanfully. She introduced me to Danny Pink, a teacher. She told me that she was seeing him. I was very happy for her. Danny looked like a good man.

The Doctor and Clara often went on adventures non-stop. I didn’t know how she can cope balancing Tardis life and real life. I, myself, has turned down the Doctor a few times whenever he asked me to go with him and Clara.

“I’m so tired, Doctor. Tomorrow I have work. I need to sleep.”

“You can sleep when you die.”

I ignored him after he said that.

7777

One day, the Doctor showed up on my doorsteps with a suit and asked me out on a date.

“You are absolutely sure I am going to say yes...” I said as I gestured on his suit.

Of course, his answer kind of ruined the mood. He was too blunt sometimes. But, you have got to admit, he grew on you, especially his angry eyebrows as Clara dubbed it.

Surprisingly, the Doctor set up a good date night. He took me out on a restaurant in some planet. The song that played in the background to my surprise was my favorite song, the one we danced to back in the tower on Trenzalore.

“You remember.” I whispered with a smile.

He only shrugged. He raised a hand toward me and asked me to dance with him.

I smiled widely and accepted. He didn’t smile the whole time but I could see his eyes softened considerably as he glanced at me fondly.

At the end of the night, he gave me a present, sort of, my old ipod.

“I had to give it a bit of upgrade and I took the liberty to add more music for your collection.” He said. “But you can’t let others borrow it since it contain song from the future.”

I held the ipod on my chest and smiled gratefully at him. “Thank you, Doctor.” I kissed his cheek.

7777

Clara said she wanted to meet Robin Hood. Oh, I know that Robin Hood was one of her favorite stories.

The Doctor reluctantly took us to go see Robin Hood. He kept insisting that Robin Hood is not real though.

Clara and I was excited to dress ourselves in a period-appropriate dress. We complimented each other much to the Doctor’s annoyance.

“Stop admiring yourself. Do you want to see Robin Hood or not?” He asked grumpily.

Clara grinned as she made me do a twirl before pushing me right into the Doctor’s arms.

The Doctor caught me in his embrace. He gazed at me but didn’t say anything.

Clara smirked. “Now, who is admiring who?”

The Doctor glared at Clara as I blushed.

7777

Clara and I were surprised to see the Doctor undercover at the school where we worked as the caretaker.

The Doctor found out about Danny Pink and was livid because Clara is dating a former soldier.

“John is a soldier and you let him court me.” I reminded him.

“That’s different.”

I rolled my eyes. I tried not to think too much about what he meant. I didn’t want to allow insecurity take a bite on me again. Not today, at least.

Clara introduced Danny to the Doctor and they both have instant dislike of each other.

7777

During on our girl night out, I finally get to ask Clara about Trenzalore and about the last moment of our first Doctor. Well, my first. Clara has seen and interacted in some way with all of the Doctor’s incarnation through her echoes.

She told me that she was once even a Time Lady and that she was the one who introduced the Doctor with the Tardis.

I smiled at that. The Tardis actually owed Clara for directing the Doctor to steal the right ‘sexy’ Tardis. It was kind of funny considering how the Tardis has been treating Clara before. The Tardis was very mean to Clara but now it seemed they get on well.

Clara told me about the Doctor sending her away twice. She told me about the Doctor being very old and weak and alone. She told me about how the Doctor apologized to her for not protecting me, her best friend.

I wanted to cry at the thought that I caused him so much pain by staying in the Trenzalore back then. He thought I was dead and he never stopped wondering about what happened to me. He cared so much that 900 years later, after he regenerated, he risked everything to rescue me.

I know everything worked out well. The Doctor is here. Clara is here. We are all together. I supposed it was better this way. If Adam had not attacked me, I would have stay with the Doctor until my time is running out and he would have to bury me. I knew it was inevitable. I would die sooner or later but later is definitely better.

I suddenly have the urge to see the Doctor so I apologized to Clara for cutting our girl night short. She only grinned at me in understanding.

I called the Doctor, hoping he would accept my call and came to me immediately. Thankfully, he did. As the Tardis materialized in front of me, I ran and pulled the door open. I stared at the Doctor for a short a while and immediately went to hug him, despite his protest that he is not a hugging person anymore.

“I love you, my Doctor.” I whispered to him.

The Doctor’s eyes widened and softened considerably. He didn’t say it back but at the times, it didn’t matter to me.

7777

A Time Lord, basically an alien immortal and a human; our relationship are basically very fragile. I could die any times, be it by the hands of another alien or another human, be it accidentaly or intentionally. Though, I never thought it will happen so soon. But then again, it shouldn’t surprise me so much. Life with the Doctor could be wonderful but also dangerous. The Doctor did always find himself in a life or death situation most of the times.

We got involved in an adventure with the Vikings where we met Ashildr. The villagers are under attack by unknown entity but the Doctor eventually recognize them as the Mire. Ashildr declared wars on the Mire and the Doctor was forced to act accordingly to defend the villagers.

I didn’t actually remember what happened to me. It was very hazy. According to Clara, I was injured gravely in a line of fire during the Mire’s unexpected attack. The Doctor used Mire technology to save my life and Ashildr, sentencing the both of us to a life of immortality, not that I was aware of it at the time.

Originally, the Doctor planned to gave both chips to Ashildr but I was dying and he decided to save me...again. Partly, it was because Clara begged him to save her best friend.

I was in and out of conciousness for a few days on board of the Tardis and when I finally regained my bearing, it was to the worried face of Clara.

Clara exhaled a sigh of relief when she saw me awaken. “Don’t ever do that again.” She said as she hugged me tight.

I was still very weak but I smiled regardless. “You are one to talk. Between the two of us, you are the one who is more reckless.”

“Yet, I’m not the one in the med bay.” She pointed.

I noticed the Doctor leaned against the doorway, staring at the both of us with a look I can’t decipher. I smiled at him. “Thank you for saving my life again, Doctor.”

“Don’t thank me. You might end up cursing me instead.” The Doctor bluntly said.

I frowned.

Clara glared at the Doctor. “He has been grumpy this few days. Don’t mind him.”

I stared at those two in confusion but honestly I was still too tired to deal with whatever issue the Doctor have with me. I imagined the Doctor was upset with me for not being careful.

7777

The Doctor dropped me back on Earth to rest. It was then the world was shaken by a broadcast from the moon. I recognized Clara’s voice. Something about deciding the fate of the moon? I wonder where the Doctor is and why he is letting the people of earth to make the decision.

I called Clara but she didn’t pick up. It was the next day she asked to meet me and she told me she intend to leave the Tardis for good. She told me she was angry at the Doctor. I was confused with the Doctor’s action toward Clara and I can only pray they both could work out their issue. I would hate for our relationship to break over this.

Clara asked me if I think the Doctor is too cold-hearted ever since he regenerated. I ponder over Adam and what he said about giving him exactly what he deserved, not that I know exactly what it was. That moment made me doubted the Doctor but I convinced myself he was just being protective of me so I never mention it again. I didn’t agree with Clara but I didn’t exactly defend the Doctor either.

Clara and the Doctor had a plan for a one last hurray trip. I figured I should not come and give them their space to work their issue with each other. It seemed to work because after that trip, Clara said she will stick around to travel in the Tardis. But she told me she promised Danny she will stop travelling with the Doctor. She had to lie and she made me swore not to tell Danny either.

7777

Clara and I couldn’t help but laugh at the Doctor’s predicament, having being trapped inside the Tardis that had shrunk down to a handheld size.

I couldn’t help giggling at Clara’s antic of acting as ‘Doctor Clara’ taking charge to deal with the current alien invasion. Clara, loving to be in charge, flirted with me as a joke at the Doctor’s expense. The Doctor rolled his eyes at the both of us and shouted to focus.

7777

The forest has grown all over the world. The Doctor believed that this is the end of the world. A giant solar headed toward the earth.

The Doctor offered an escape via the Tardis. Clara refused because she didn’t want to be the last human. I didn’t want to leave the Doctor but I also didn’t want to be the last human either or to leave Clara to her death alone.

It was then I noticed the Doctor and Clara exchanged a look again.

“You were right, Doctor. We shouldn’t keep the truth from her.” Clara said. “(name), you should stay with the Doctor.”

“What? Why?”

That’s when they told me about my immortality, thanks to the Mire technology. I was stunned and I was upset that they didn’t tell me the truth immediately. Now, I understand what the Doctor said before about me cursing him instead of thanking him.

But, there is no time for breakdown. The Doctor was able to figure out that the trees are defending the earth from the solar attack.

I left the Doctor and Clara to be on my own, contemplating the meaning of my new existence.

“So, they finally tell you the truth then?” Someone said.

I glanced up and my eyes widened in surprise when I saw the woman. “Ashildr?”

“Call me ‘Me’.” She said.

We left Ashildr back in the distant past. The fact that she was here confirmed that she was immortal and I shared her fate. I didn’t know how to feel about that.

Me took me to a nearby cafe and ordered tea for the both of us. I sensed that she has resentment toward the Doctor and me.

“Well, you are the only immortal the Doctor seemed to care enough to take with him, unlike myself...or Jack Harkness.” She replied when I asked her about it.

I have no idea who Jack Harkness is but Me explained that Jack is the Doctor’s former companion.

Me told me about her life. She told me about her immortal life so far. She had lost many memories over the long years. She collected journal after journal to write down about her life because she found difficulty holding on her many memories.

I shuddered at the thought that my life is extended indefinetely.

Me gave her phone number and told me to contact her if I want to and then she left me behind.

I didn’t know what to say to the Doctor and Clara so I decided I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t tell them about meeting Me.

Clara apologized for holding the truth from me. The Doctor, as usual, didn’t say anything.

I didn’t know what this meant for my relationship with the Doctor though. Being immortal meant I could stay with the Doctor forever but will our relationship even last forever? What if someday he fall out of love with me? Where would that left me? The thought depressed me so badly.

7777

The Doctor took us to an adventure again and it was just my bad luck that things gone wrong for me...again. I began to feel like the universe is against me or something?

We got stranded on base and naturally a mutating virus was on the loose, infecting people left and right. Of course, I had to be the one who got infected despite being immortal.

Being immortal sucks. The virus got stuck in me. I was in continous state of dying. The Doctor put me on a stasis chamber that will paralyze and put me to sleep while he and Clara worked out the cure by travelling to the distant future.

I was trapped inside the statis chamber for God know how many years. At some point, the stasis chamber got faulty resulting in me getting awaken but paralyzed. I was screaming and begging for help inside my mind, begging the Doctor to come and rescue me but he never did.

It was hard to hold on my sanity. It was a good thing I didn’t feel hunger or thirsty inside the chamber otherwise I feared I would become cannibal and eat myself if that even possible. I can’t even find relief by sleeping. Eventually I was able to move my hand enough to scratch my own face until it bleed, ripped strands of my hairs in a fit of rage. I screamed and cried. Honestly, it was a bliss when miraculously the stasis chamber worked again and put me into sleep.

The next time I was awake, I was no longer on the stasis chamber. I heard familiar voices on the distant. It was the Doctor and Clara arguing about (name) and the stasis chamber. How do I know it was them? It has been so long. My mind might playing a trick on me. I heard them mentioning (name) again.

Oh, (name) is me, right? I opened my eyes and for a while, I couldn’t recognize the surrounding area.

The Doctor and Clara were still unaware that I have awaken. I tried to move my toes and relieved when I realized I could move. I forced myself into a seating position. I took notice of my surrounding. The Tardis, my mind slowly supplied. I got down from the bed and immediately fell into the floor with a loud thud.

They both came into the room and rushed to my aid.

“Are you two...really here? Am I safe now?” I asked in hoarse voice.

Clara looked like she wanted to cry and she hugged me immediately. “I’m so sorry, (name).”

The Doctor glanced at me, for once, I could see that the genuine concern in his expression.

7777

I thought I would get better but I kept having nightmare about being back in the stasis chamber. I would scream so loud and started ripping my hairs off or clawing my skins. The Doctor had to give me sedative and restrained me to bed to stop me from hurting myself and Clara.

The Doctor dropped Clara back on Earth so he can focused on fixing my mind. He asked for my consent to get inside my mind when I was in a better mood. I agreed. I wanted to be able to function again. I didn’t want to hurt myself or Clara or even the Doctor.

He put his hands over my temple and told me to take a deep calm breathe. He put some block over the troublesome memory and hope it would do the trick for my sanity.

Once he deemed me safe, he let me out of the Tardis. I decided to quit my job at the school where Clara teaches. I didn’t want to see the worry or pity in her eyes. I tried to sort my life back together. I got myself a job as a waitress again. Thankfully, the Doctor didn’t make the mistake of calling it a dead end job again otherwise I might slap him silly.

At Clara’s urge, I took an art class as part of therapy.

Despite the block the Doctor put inside my mind, I still have nightmare about the stasis chamber, at least I didn’t go bat crazy about it afterward.

I called Me’s phone number but then I decided to hang up. But the next day, Me showed up on the diner where I worked much to my surprise. She said she recognized my number. I apologized for bothering her.

She insisted I talk to her though so I did.

7777

Lately, the Doctor insisted to have adventure with just the two of us. He made sure it was safe though. I could tell he was worried for me.

I found out that Danny died. I went to Clara’s house to comfort her. She was numb and unresponsive. I called the Doctor to inform him about Clara.

Clara said she need to talk alone with the Doctor and asked me to step back for a bit. Albeit confused, I did as she asked.

Next thing I knew, the world is suddenly overun by cybermen. Kate, from UNIT, picked me up and I was able to reunite with the Doctor. Kate said the Doctor has been chosen as the President of Earth. She also informed me that the Doctor’s enemy, Mistress or Missy, was on board the plane too. But Clara was nowhere to be found. I was very worried.

I met Missy and she curiously observed me. Then, she proceed to mock me as the Doctor’s eternal pet. The Doctor told me to ignore her. But, she knew things and she knew my insecurity regarding the Doctor and Clara. She told me that the first face an incarnation first took sight to was dear to a Time Lord and she knew that I was not his first face, that Clara is. She knew I was not the Doctor’s first choice on anything. The words hurt but I knew it was true.

The Doctor heard every words she said to me but he didn’t even bother to reassure me otherwise. I can’t blame him though. He was busy thinking about how to save the world again. He has no time to coddle me.

The Doctor saved the world again. Clara stopped travelling with the Doctor. I wanted to hit the both of them in the head for being stupid. They lied to each other and they turned to me and made swore up and down not to reveal anything. Stupid Doctor. Stupid Clara.

I continued to travel with the Doctor. I was working on the courage to talk to him about my immortality and what it meant for our relationship. But, I was a coward and it didn’t help that the Doctor might actually avoiding the subject too.

I was glad when Clara returned to travel with the Doctor again. Apparently, they had finally told each other truth, thanks to the dream crabs and...Santa Claus? Whatever. I was just grateful team Tardis is back.

7777

Clara has become reckless and I reprimanded her about it.

“What’s the point of being immortal if you won’t live a little?” Clara blurted out.

I frowned at that, feeling a bit offended. I was beginning to feel like I wasn’t quite as welcomed aboard the Tardis as before. The Doctor has not even taking me to another date since forever and I still haven’t got around to talk to him about our practically non-existent relationship.

I sighed. Maybe I was a bit too sensitive about everything? Missy’s words did bother me a lot. But Clara is my best friend. The Doctor, regardless whether he is my boyfriend or not, is actually a good friend. I should be grateful that they still want me around right?

But, Clara is right though. I was now an immortal. Shouldn’t I change the way I have been living my life? I should stop being timid and like she said to try to take more risks.

Just when I was considering to change myself to fit the Doctor and Clara better, if that even possible, something bad happened. We met Me again in a Trap Street and Clara accidentally sealed her own fate with the Raven. She died.

She was brave right up till the end. She said goodbye to the Doctor and myself. I couldn’t accept that my best friend is about to die. I begged the Doctor to fix it. But, when I saw the sorrow and resignation on his face, I knew there is no saving Clara.

I cried over Clara’s dead body. The Doctor was gone, transported to who know where, by whoever made Me to set a trap for him.

The Doctor didn’t come back for me. Of course, he wouldn’t. I was bitter. He finally got an out from me.

7777

I was depressed, sad and alone. I couldn’t go to Me because I still have mixed feeling for her part in killing Clara. I was afraid of facing my immortality alone. Me did warned me that the Doctor, despite being immortal himself, expressed strong dislike of immortals and he tend to avoid them. He told her other immortals felt wrong to him. I was angry at him for sentencing me to a life of immortality and then abandoned me.

Kate contacted me and invited me to join UNIT. I accepted. She had her best soldier to train me to fight. I was in so much pain and I welcomed the physical pain of the training. Though, I suck at training but I was determined to change myself. If I have to going through my immortality alone, I might as well started training myself to fight to protect myself.

I was surprised when Clara returned with her own Tardis. She said she was worried for me. She was with Me, a future Me, apparently. She warned Clara about myself and the path I had chosen for myself. Clara told me about the Doctor being trapped in confession dial for billion billion years, about how he risked all time and space to bring Clara back and about how he loses his memory of her.

Clara begged me to travel with the Doctor again. “He need you more than ever...”

I wanted to cry. I didn’t want to go back to the Doctor and facing the truth that he never loves me. I wanted to be with my best friend, travelling back to the Gallifrey the long way but she refused me. I wanted to tell her all of my insecuries but I was afraid she already grew tired of it and will mock me for it.

Clara firmly made me sit. “Tell me everything you feel inside that mind of yours.” She said.

And, I told her everything. I told her about what Missy said to me and about the Doctor not caring about it. I knew I sounded pathetic but I tell her anyway.

After I was done pouring my heart out, I asked her if I was a right fit to be his companion. “Wouldn’t it better to let him move on and find a better companion that can keep him in line? Because I certainly couldn’t.”

Clara said the right words to make me feel special but I knew deep down I didn’t believe her every word. She made me promise to travel with the Doctor again and I promised. She left afterward.

I lied to her. I didn’t seek the Doctor. Why would I when he didn’t even care enough to seek me out? He might not remember Clara but he should remember me. If he care for me, he would at least try to find me to console me, wouldn’t he?

I had hope though days after days hoping he would come and get me. He didn’t. I cried, feeling sorry for myself, hating him, wishing for him to let me die instead of turning me into immortal. And then, I tried to contact him to get him to see me when I was drunk out of my mind. But he didn’t come. He abandoned me.

I went insane for a while. I picked up a knife and slit my wrist only to watch it self-healing over and over again. Kate found me eventually and took me to UNIT for treatment. She got me a therapy to help deal with my depression.

7777

After years of hard training, Kate finally allowed me on field mission. I had the advantage since I was immortal so I asked to be given dangerous mission. Kate, at first, reluctant because she recognized me of being suicidal but I insisted on it.

Kate’s science division genius person, O, developed a chip implant that could help with my depression. She agreed to give mission if I agreed to wear it. I accepted immediately.

“Will this help to mend a broken heart and broken mind? Because that would be super great.” I said softly.

After the implant, I felt less sad, less suicidal and more focused on my work at UNIT. It was like my own humanity switch.

7777

I met the Doctor again, accidentaly, during a mission in Sheffield. I was ordered to investigate a possible alien activity over there.

I enlisted a PC, Yazmin Khan, to inform me should she see something strange. She called me later that day about weird alien thing that her friend, Ryan, found earlier. The lead from them led me to the train where Ryan’s grandmother, Grace and her husband, Graham, currently trapped on board a train with an orb of electric tentacles.

That’s when a woman fell from the sky onto the train right in front of me. My eyes widened as I saw the weird stranger. The way she acted though made me suspicious and when she exclaimed having being a scotman before, I immediately knew. I was hit suddenly with grief and anger. But I didn’t say anything because she didn’t even recognize me. She didn’t even know her own name. I was afraid that I would lose control and bitch-slap the Doctor in a fit of my rage.

The Doctor involved all of us in her investigation. I stepped back while she rambled non-stop about the alien. I contacted UNIT and asked Kate to send another agent to deal with the alien and the Doctor. I didn’t give her time to refuse me. I walked away from the warehouse where we currently are when Yaz stopped me. She said the Doctor told her that everyone has been implanted by an explosive chip implant.

I laughed harshly at that. “Well, that’s fine. Maybe I will die for real this time.” I said angrily. “UNIT is sending their best officer to help in dealing with the alien. I have to go.”

Yaz look confused but didn’t stop me.

7777

Back at UNIT, the science division managed to remove the explosive from me. My whole body is shaking with anger and grief. I raised my trembling hands in annoyance. I hated that the Doctor had this effect on me. I hated her already.

Kate, being the nice boss she is, asked me of how I was doing. I was doing so badly that’s for sure.

“I need an upgrade for my chip.” I said.

Kate stared at me with disapproval.

“I’m afraid if I see her again, I might want to kill the Doctor, Kate.” I said. “Please help me.”

7777

The Tardis materialized inside UNIT’s headquarter without warning much to Kate’s dismay.

The Doctor came out, demanding to see me. It was almost like she think UNIT will get in the way of meeting me.

I stared at her, not impressed.

Kate glanced at the two of us and told us to use her office to have a long due talk.

The Doctor looked timid now that we are alone. “I’m sorry for not recognizing you before. Mind still rebooting you know. Regeneration...” She rambled on. “I remember myself eventually...and of you...”

I didn’t reply to her statement, instead I asked, “Why are you here, Doctor?”

“So, you do know who I am that day? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why should I?”

The Doctor’s jaw dropped. Now she looked like a kicked puppy. “I’m sorry for what I did to you. I didn’t mean to left you behind.”

I sighed. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It matter to me! I know I wronged you, (name).”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Doctor, because I have made a life, a life without you.” I spat. I wanted to be calm but she brought out the most ugly emotion in me.

She flinched at my tone. She scoffed at what I said. “With UNIT? I hacked your file and you have been reckless, risking your life...”

“YOU HAVE BEEN HACKING MY FILES?!”

The Doctor took a step back in face of my anger.

“You have no right to do that! You don’t even get a say over what I am doing with my life!” I yelled.

“You are my responsibility, (name).”

I scoffed. “Is that all I am to you?”

“I know I let you down.”

“You abandoned me.” I said. “Now, that I have manage to take whatever control I have over my life, you think you can just come in here and what? What do you expect from me this time, Doctor?”

“I want you to come back. I would like to travel again with you.”

“Why? Didn’t you already find new companion? I knew about Yaz, Ryan and Graham, Doctor.”

“Of course you know. UNIT always have to collect data about me.” The Doctor muttered. “But this isn’t about them. It’s about you.”

I shook my head. “It was never about me, Doctor.”

“I know I hurt you, please let me fix my mistake.”

“So now I am a mistake?”

The Doctor groaned. “That’s not what I meant. Stop twisting my words.”

“I don’t want to be with you anymore. You already had an out. Why do you bother with me again?”

“I never wanted an out. I didn’t mean to abandon you. After Trap Street, I...”

“I knew what happened, Doctor. Clara told me about your confession dial and about how you lost your memory of her.”

“I got it back. My memory of Clara.”

“Of course you do.”

The Doctor sighed. “You have always so insecure, (name).”

I glared at her. “Just leave, Doctor. I don’t need you anymore.”

“But I do.” The Doctor replied. “I need you, (name).”

“No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. And stop dictating my feeling for you. You always like this. What was it you said before? I settled for you instead of Clara?”

I felt like I got slapped. I remembered saying those words to her previous incarnation. “How dare you? You come here like you own the place and then decided on a whim to hurt me?”

“That’s not my intention at all.” The Doctor said. “I know I am not reliable with my feeling but what I said back in Trenzalore still true, every words. I choose you, (name).”

“Why are you doing this to me? Do you just enjoy ripping my heart out?” I asked with glassy eyes.

The Doctor walked fast toward me. She raised my chin and kissed me hard.

I was stunned.

She broke the kiss and look at me shyly. “Will you give me another chance? I promise I will do right by you.”

I broke down. “Doctor...” And I suddenly clutched my chest.

“(name)?” The Doctor called out in worry.

I fell to the ground immediately but she caught me halfway. She yelled for help. She pulled her sonic and started scanning me.

Kate and a few agents rushed into the office.

7777

There was a glitch inside my chip implant. The overwhelming emotion I felt was too much and it caused it to glitch and rebooted.

I woke up in the medical room at UNIT. I could hear the Doctor yelling at Kate about the chip implant she put on me and how dangerous it was.

I pulled myself into a seating position and observed their argument absentmindedly.

The Doctor stopped yelling when she saw me awake. She look into my eyes and saw the indifferent that reflected back in my eyes. She slumped her shoulder.

The chip had rid me of my feeling...for the Doctor.

A/N: I don’t know if there will be part 2 of this. Maybe if inspiration hit, I will. But maybe it ended exactly like that. Not everyone get a happy ending is a theme on most of my fanfiction. Would anyone be interested instead to make the part 2 of their own? Honestly, I write this story with a dark!doctor in mind but the story suddenly got away from me and make a turn to this instead.

#11th doctor x reader #12th doctor x reader #13th doctor x reader #eleventh doctor x reader #twelfth doctor x reader #thirteenth doctor x reader #doctor who fanfiction #doctor who imagine #shiefenwrites

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thelittlesttimelord · 4 years ago

Text

The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 45

TITLE: The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 45 PAIRING: No Pairing RATING: T CHAPTER: 45/? SUMMARY: Elise Smith is now a teenaged Timelord. In addition to losing the Ponds, the fields of Trenzalore are calling. But first they have to figure out exactly who Clara Oswald is.

[A/N -This one is a bit longer because I couldn’t find a good enough place to split it. I got a few more surprises planned for the last chapter is next and then we move into the Christmas special! I can’t believe we (and Elise) have come this far.]

“I now pronounce you man and wife,” the priest said.

Clara cheered.

“You may kiss the bride.”

Elizabeth grabbed Ten’s face and kissed him.

“Is there a lot of this in the future?” the older Doctor asked.

“It does start to happen, yeah,” the Doctor told him.

“God speed, my love,” Elizabeth told Ten.

“I will be right back.”

They all ran into the TARDIS and Ten started her up.

“Right then, back to the future,” the Doctor said.

Elise looked around the control room and smiled.

“You've let this place go a bit,” the older Doctor said.

“Ah, it's his grunge phase. He grows out of it,” the Doctor said.

Elise hit him on the arm. “I happen to like it.”

“Yeah, you always did.”

“Don't you listen to them,” Ten told the console.

An alarm started going off and the console shocked him as the console room changed again. This time to a room with white walls.

“The desktop is glitching,” Ten said.

“Three of us from different time zones. It's trying to compensate,” the older Doctor told him.

“Hey, look. The round things,” the Doctor said to his younger incarnation.

“I love the round things.”

“What are the round things?”

“No idea.”

“Oh dear, the friction contrafibulator.” The Doctor ran to the console and flipped a switch. “Ha! There, stabilized.”

They were standing in the console room that Elise and Clara were used to.

“Oh, you've redecorated. I don't like it,” Ten told the Doctor.

“Oh. Oh yeah? Oh, you never do.”

Ten frowned.

“Listen, we're going to the National Gallery. The Zygons are underneath it.”

“No, UNIT HQ. They followed us there in the Black Archive,” Clara told them.

All three Doctors looked at her.

“Okay, so you've heard of that, then.”

“Lucky for us, I have a way to contact the Black Archive.” He pressed a few buttons and they heard Kate’s voice. “You really think so? Somewhere in your memory is a man called Brigadier Alistair Gordon Lethbridge Stewart. I am his daughter.”

“Science leads, Kate. Is that what you meant? Is that what your father meant?” the Doctor asked her.

“Doctor?”

“Space-Time Telegraph, Kate. A gift from me to your father, hotline straight to the TARDIS. I know about the Black Archive and I know about the security protocol. Kate, please. Please tell me you are not about to do something unbelievably stupid.”

“I'm sorry, Doctor. Switch it off.”

“Not as sorry as you will be. This is not a decision you will ever be able to live with,” Ten told her.

“Please listen to them, Kate!” Elise begged. She’d seen the damage the decision had done to her father.

The TARDIS lurched.

“Kate, we're trying to bring the TARDIS in. Why can't we land?” the Doctor asked.

“I said, switch it off,” Kate said.

“No, Kate, please. Just listen to me!”

The telegraph cut off.

“The Tower of London, totally TARDIS-proof,” Ten said.

“How can they do that?” Clara asked.

“Alien technology plus human stupidity. Trust me, it's unbeatable,” the Doctor told her.

The older Doctor looked at the stasis cube sitting on the console. “We don't need to land.”

“Yeah, we do. A tiny bit. Try and keep up,” Ten said.

“No, we don't. We don't. There is another way.” He picked up the stasis cube. “Cup-a-soup. What is cup-a-soup?”

The Doctor smiled and ran for the front door as Ten and Elise flew the TARDIS.

“Next time,” she muttered, “Next time you redesign the desktop, there better be a phone connected to the console!”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Ten said.

Elise blushed.

The Doctor came back to the console. “It’s all taken care of.”

They placed their hands on the stasis cube. When Elise opened her eyes, they were in Gallifrey Falls.

Her hearts started beating quickly as memories bombarded her. Memories she thought she had forgotten. Of the screaming and the smell of death.

She fell to her knees with her hands on her head. Ten helped her up and she wrapped her arms around him, his scent calming her. She remembered clinging to him as the Timelords were sucked back into the Time War just leaving him and her and Wilf in the mansion. She remembered how scared she was and how gently he tucked her into bed that night.

He’d been dying, but he cared for her as best he could.

“Exterminate!”

The three Doctors turned to the Dalek with their sonic screwdrivers. It went crashing out of the painting into the Black Archive.

The Timelords stepped out and Elise fell to her knees again.

Clara wrapped her arm around the girl.

“Hello,” the older Doctor said.

“I'm the Doctor,” Ten told them.

“Sorry about the Dalek,” the Doctor said.

“Also the showing off,” Clara added.

The Doctor stalked up to Kate. “Kate Lethbridge Stewart, what in the name of sanity are you doing?”

“The countdown can only be halted at my personal command. There's nothing you can do,” Kate told them.

“Except make you both agree to halt it,” Ten said.

“Not even for three of you.”

“You're about to murder millions of people,” the older Doctor said.

“To save billions. How many times have you made that calculation?”

1:36 remained on the clock.

“Once. Turned me into the man I am now. I'm not even sure who that is any more,” the Doctor told her.

“You tell yourself it's justified, but it's a lie. Because what I did that day was wrong. Just wrong,” Ten said.

“And, because I got it wrong, I'm going to make you get it right.”

The two Doctors pulled up a set of chairs and sat down, putting their feet up on the table.

“How?” Kate asked.

“Any second now, you're going to stop that countdown. Both of you, together,” Ten said.

“Then you're going to negotiate the most perfect treaty of all time,” the Doctor added.

“Safeguards all round, completely fair on both sides.”

“And the key to perfect negotiation?”

“Not knowing what side you're on.”

They both stood up and took out their sonic screwdrivers.

“So, for the next few hours, until we decide to let you out…”

“No one in this room will be able to remember if they're human…”

“Or Zygon.”

“Whoops a daisy.”

Ten jumped onto the table, the Doctor following. They all soniced the memory filter in the ceiling.

The countdown now said 7.

“Cancel the detonation!” both Kate’s yelled.

“Peace in our time,” the Doctor said.

They jumped down and the two Kate’s discussed the treaty while Elise looked around the Black Archive.

“I’ve missed you.”

Elise jumped and saw her father’s previous incarnation standing beside her. “How can you miss me? You don’t even know who I am!”

“I know your favorite flowers are sunflowers. You’re constantly reading books, but you also love to paint and draw. You rarely sleep anymore because of nightmares and I know that underneath all your attitude is a scared little girl. You just don’t want him to know.”

Elise looked over at her father, standing with the Kate’s.

“I know so much about you. You’re my best friend and I miss you.”

Elise felt her hearts break. His brown eyes were so sad when he looked at her. Just like in the Naismith Mansion. Before he regenerated.

Clara ran over to the Doctor. “He’s gone. I think he’s going to do it. We have to stop him.”

Elise started to walk to her TARDIS, but Ten grabbed her wrist.

“Please. One more time.”

Elise had never met this Doctor before today, but he clearly needed this so she went with him into his TARDIS.

He put her in flight and she swayed and lurched.

“You are a worse driver than my father!” Elise yelled.

“You love it!”

The TARDIS landed and the two were thrown to the floor.

Elise started laughing and Ten helped her up.

“Thank you,” he told her.

Elise smiled at him. “No, thank you.” She’d never really gotten the chance to get to know him and as much as this day had been taxing on her, she was glad she got to meet him. And it was obvious that she met him some time in her future.

They stepped out of the TARDIS and saw the older Doctor standing there in front of a big red button.

“I told you. He hasn’t done it yet,” Clara said.

Elise looked around. “It’s the barn. The barn you told me about as a child.”

“Go away now, all of you. This is for me,” the older Doctor said.

“These events should be time-locked. We shouldn't even be here,” Ten said.

“Well by that logic, I shouldn’t be here and yet here I am,” Elise told him.

“So something let us through,” the Doctor said.

“Go back. Go back to your lives. Go and be the Doctor that I could never be. Make it worthwhile,” the older Doctor said. He placed his hand on the button.

“All those years, burying you in my memory,” Ten said.

“Pretending you didn't exist. Keeping you a secret, even from myself,” the Doctor added.

“Pretending you weren't the Doctor, when you were the Doctor more than anybody else.”

“You were the Doctor on the day it wasn't possible to get it right.”

They approached him.

“But this time…”

“You don't have to do it alone.”

They put their hands on the button.

“Thank you,” the older Doctor said.

“What we do today is not out of fear or hatred. It is done because there is no other way,” Ten said.

“And it is done in the name of the many live we are failing to save,” the Doctor said. He looked at Clara, who was shaking her head.

Elise stood there with tears in her eyes but like when they lost the Ponds, she wasn’t crying.

“Clara? What? What is it? What?” the Doctor asked her.

“Nothing.”

“No, it's something. Tell me.”

“You told me you wiped out your own people. I just. I never pictured you doing it, that's all.”

The barn around them went dark and they were standing in the Time War. The buildings were burning and families were screaming.

Elise felt like she was a child again and the dam burst. Tears flowed down her cheeks and she let out a scream.

The Doctor rushed to her side and he wrapped his arms around her. He pressed his forehead to her temple and he saw the Elise he’d rescued. The one with the big fearful blue eyes. This Elise clung to him like she had in the Naismith Mansion.

Her fingernails dug into his coat as she rocked back and forth. It’d been a while since she’d had a meltdown and today was just much for her to handle.

“What's happening?” Clara asked.

“Nothing. It's a projection,” the older Doctor said.

“These are the people you're going to burn?”

“There isn't anything we can do,” Ten said, looking at Elise crying uncontrollably in her father’s arms. He walked over to them and took Elise from the Doctor as he stood up.

The Doctor turned to Clara. “He’s right. There isn't another way. There never was. Either I destroy my own people or let the universe burn.”

“Look at you. The three of you. The warrior, the hero, and you.”

“And what am I?”

“Have you really forgotten?”

“Yes. Maybe, yes.”

“We've got enough warriors. Any old idiot can be a hero.”

“Then what do I do?”

“Be a Doctor.” He turned around and saw Elise standing. She wiped at her eyes, while Ten rubbed her back. “When I was younger, she said the name you choose is a promise. What was it?”

“Never cruel or cowardly,” Ten said.

“Never give up, never give in,” the older Doctor added.

The images around them faded and they were standing back in the barn.

“You're not actually suggesting that we change our own personal history?” Ten asked.

“We change history all the time. I'm suggesting far worse,” the Doctor said.

“What, exactly?” the older Doctor asked.

“Gentlemen, I have had four hundred years to think about this. I've changed my mind.” The Doctor soniced the red button back into the box.

“There's still a billion billion Daleks up there, attacking,” the older Doctor said.

“Yeah, there is. There is.”

“But there's something those billion billion Daleks don't know,” Ten told him.

“Because if they did, they'd probably send for reinforcements,” the Doctor added.

“What? What don't they know?” Clara asked.

“This time, there's three of us.”

“Oh! Oh, yes, that is good. That is brilliant!” the older Doctor said.

“Oh, oh, oh, I'm getting that too! That is brilliant!” Ten said, catching onto the plan.

“Ha, ha, ha! I've been thinking about it for centuries,” the Doctor told them.

“She didn't just show me any old future, she showed me exactly the future I needed to see,” the older Doctor cried.

“Eh? Who did?” the Doctor asked.

“Oh, Bad Wolf girl, I could kiss you!”

“Sorry, did you just say Bad Wolf?” Ten asked.

“So what are we doing? What's the plan?” Clara asked.

“The Dalek fleets are surrounding Gallifrey, firing on it constantly,” the older Doctor said.

“The Sky Trench is holding, but what if the whole planet just disappeared?” Ten asked.

“Tiny bit of an ask,” Clara said.

“I’m sorry. Wait. Back up. What do you mean disappear?” Elise asked.

“The Daleks would be firing on each other. They'd destroy themselves in their own crossfire,” Ten explained.

“Gallifrey would be gone, the Daleks would be destroyed, and it would look to the rest of the universe as if they'd annihilated each other,” the older Doctor said.

“But where would Gallifrey be?” Clara asked.

“Frozen. Frozen in an instant of time, safe and hidden away,” Ten said.

“Exactly,” the Doctor said.

It finally hit Elise. “Like a painting.”

#eleventh doctor #eleventh doctor imagines #eleventh doctor fanfiction #Tenth Doctor #tenth doctor imagine #war doctor #war doctor imagine #doctor who #Doctor Who fanfiction #doctor who imagine #Kate Lethbridge-Stewart #clara oswald #clara oswald imagine #the littlest timelord #the littlest timelord: the fall of the eleventh #day of the doctor

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doctorwhogeneration · 4 years ago

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«on the fields of Trenzalore...»

#doctor who

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lizzy-bennet · 5 years ago

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Of Star-Touched Skin

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: Whouffle

Length: 2,300 words

Rating: G

Also on Ao3

Summary: He’s a fairy tale. In fact, he’s even older than a fairy tale. He’s seen stars burn out and die and entire galaxies fade away to nothing. But there’s stardust in his eyes, and Clara swears that he always carries part of the universe inside him, that there are nebulas in his veins, that there are stories and starlight older than half the world written into his bones.

Or: Three moments Clara spends with the Doctor, during Trenzalore and in its aftermath.

01.

He’s a fairy tale. He’s older than a fairy tale. He’s seen stars burn out and die and entire galaxies fade away to nothing. But there’s stardust in his eyes, and Clara swears - swears - that the Doctor always carries part of the universe inside him, that there are nebulas in his veins, that there are stories and starlight older than half the world written into his bones.

And here’s the thing: she cannot let him die.

She will not let him die.

They are on Trenzalore, in a dying TARDIS overtaken with vines. The stars are going out and the Doctor is dying, which, perhaps, Clara thinks, is the same thing. He and the universe are one and the same, after all, which is why she has to save him.

If she jumps into the time stream, it will scatter her like confetti. She'll be ripped apart and remade again and again and again, and she’ll feel herself falling like rain just to be where he is. But despite the fear she feels blooming in the pit of her stomach, she steps toward the burning red glow of his time stream anyway.

This is something she has to do.

Even if it scares her.

She hears him telling her no, to stop, but when has she ever let anyone tell her what to do, anyway? It’s not like her to give in to others once she’s made up her mind, not even to the Doctor.

“Run, you clever boy,” she says, and she can already imagine him running, fast and safe and ready to save another world, “and remember me.”

Just before she jumps, she spares herself one last look at him, and she focuses on his big, sad eyes that have the magnitude of a hundred burning stars.

And then she smiles.

(When she leaps, she wonders if there’ll be stars where she’s going.

She hopes there will be.)

02.

She has searched for him all throughout history, died for him all throughout history, and wherever and whenever she is, somewhere in the back of her mind is the thought I have to save the Doctor, ever constant, like the cadence of her heartbeat. There are ghosts of hundreds of thousands of different lifetimes in her mind and too many questions to count, and when she dreams, she dreams of dying.

She’s dreaming she’s dying now, and it’s familiar, too familiar, in a way that twists her heart and makes her scream.

“Clara, wake up,” a voice says, interrupting her dream. The voice is one that is soft and kind, and one she’ll always trust, and she feels herself being pulled out of her sleep and back into reality. “You’re okay, Clara, I’m here. You’re safe, I swear it.”

When Clara opens her eyes, she finds that she’s lying on the divan in the TARDIS library, and sees the Doctor sitting by her feet, staring at her with his ancient, worried eyes, and she wonders when the last time he slept was.

It’s been three days since Trenzalore, and the Doctor hasn’t strayed very far from her side. He’s stood guard over her, while she’s awake and while she’s asleep, just an arm’s length away in case she reaches out for him. She feels perplexed, honestly, and maybe a little bit awed that he does. Not that the Doctor isn’t kind, not that she doubts he cares, but it’s just that he’s forever in motion, forever running (always, always, always running, she thinks as she remembers chasing after him decade after decade). So it says something, she feels, that this man who’s always been in perpetual motion stops for her.

“You were reading and fell asleep in here,” the Doctor says, and Clara isn’t sure if he’s talking to her or making a mental note of where to look for her if she should wander off from him again.

Still, she answers him anyway. “Must’ve. Haven’t been sleeping much at night.”

Not since the nightmares started.

(“What do you dream about?” The Doctor had asked her, after the third time she woke up screaming, and he looked like he desperately wanted to know, but also desperately didn’t.

“Death,” she had answered him. “Like I’m dying everywhere, all at once. But also, you. Always you.”)

Clara sits up now, so sharply and suddenly that it makes her head spin, but she can’t lie down any longer, it feels too much like another memory she has, a distant, hazy one where she’s lying down, taking her last breaths in a blue Victorian dress while snow fills the sky. The Doctor says nothing, simply reaches out to take her hand in his, and they sit there, in the warm golden glow of the library, not moving or talking, just breathing, just being.

“I’m fine now,” Clara says after several minutes have passed, and it isn’t quite the truth but it isn’t exactly a lie either. This is probably as fine as she can be right now.

“Sorry I wasn’t here,” the Doctor says, and Clara can hear the remorse woven into his words. “I thought you were reading. I thought you would be okay.”

“Who’s the nanny here exactly?” Clara says, amused, and she means to scold him for worrying but her tone comes out too fondly. “You don’t have to keep an eye on me all the time, Doctor.”

”You’ve kept watch over me for centuries,” he reminds her gently. “You can rest now, Clara, please, let me watch over you for once.”

He moves his hand to her face, thumb ghosting across her cheekbone again and again, as if he can leave a trail of constellations across her skin with his touch. And he’s staring at her with that look again, the look that says he’s entirely in her debt, but is still unsure of exactly why she did it, why she’d spend generations dying for one stupid old man.

“I think you carry the story of the universe inside you,” she says in answer to his unasked question.

Normally, she wouldn’t say things like this to him - or to anyone, really - but now she does. Because now the TARDIS is floating somewhere up in the sky, and she feels like she’s somewhere outside of time and space. Today doesn’t count, she reasons, today she can say things she normally never would.

He raises his eyebrows at her in disbelief, as if he’s wondering if she’s caught time wind delirium and she frowns at him because he still doesn’t get it.

Clara can only see tiny glimpses of her other lives, like brief flashes of light in the fog. But she remembers moments with him. She always remembers him. And the thing is, his faces changed all the time, but his eyes never did, his eyes were always filled with magic and mischief and moonlight, just like the rest of him. And he doesn’t understand, thinks he’s just a madman who stole a magic box and ran away (and he is, she knows that, she was there, she helped), but he’s more than that. He is built of the universe, she thinks idly, with supernovas in his two hearts and binary stars in his bones.

He’s giving her a look now, one that’s lovely and sad and drives her half-mad, because he looks like he knows something she doesn’t.

“What?” she demands, raising an eyebrow. She knows when he’s not telling her things. “What are you thinking?”

“You’ve lived over and over again, scattered throughout time and space like stardust, from one end of the universe to the other, Clara Oswald,” he tells her. “You say you think I carry the story of the universe within me, but if that’s true, then now you do too. You’ve seen more sunsets and solstices and shooting stars than any other human alive. You, my impossible girl, have lived thousands upon thousands of lifetimes, even more than me,” he smiles at that, and his hand is still on her cheek, the tips of his long, clever fingers touching her hair, and she finds herself leaning into his touch. “There are universes coursing through your veins and moonlight glittering in your soul, and every star that’s ever shone lives within you, you have to know that, Clara.”

And when Clara’s eyes feel like they start to sting after that, she blames it on weakness from the time stream, and lets him pull her into a hug, smiling as his hands softly stroke her hair.

03.

It’s been seven days since Trenzalore and three days since Clara’s been able to sleep through the night, which means that today she finally feels well enough to go on a trip.

(“Take me somewhere peaceful,” she’d commanded the Doctor earlier. “No revolutions, no people-eating monster or alien things of any size or sort, and absolutely no running.”

“Alright, you’re the boss.”

“I am, aren’t I?”)

Currently, the Doctor’s beaming at a star-map, trying to find someplace nice to go. It’s a holographic star-map, one that spreads the universe throughout the TARDIS and surrounds them with stars. There’s a tiny three-dimensional vortex thrumming by Clara’s shoulder, rumbling asteroid fields floating about the console, and above her head, tiny little clusters of stars. Unable to help herself, Clara reaches out toward a golden ringed-planet in front of her, and the glowing holograph sifts through her fingers like sand.

The Doctor walks through the map as he studies it, holographs blurring across his silhouette, and Clara is struck by how much he looks at home amongst the holographic universe. He’s glowing, the energy radiating off of him like he’s a star that’ll never burn out. She thinks of every wonder he must’ve seen: Watercolor nebulas that burned brightly in the black expanse. Patches of sky where stars were just forming. Green suns that glowed and diamond snow that spun and rain made of glass.

He has it all within him, she thinks, every wondrous, wander-lust moment.

She remembers that she has that now too, and she wonders if she looks like he does: like she’s got a slice of the universe inside her.

Across the holographic galaxy, over the console, she feels the Doctor’s eyes on her, and when she looks up, she sees that he’s smiling softly at her like she is something magnificent, something exquisite.

He makes her feel like maybe she is.

The Doctor’s eyes flicker back to the star-map and he mutters an exclamation under his breath as his eyes land on the planet he’s looking for. The exclamation he makes is one made in happiness, and is almost uttered unconsciously, as if he doesn’t realize he’s thinking out loud, and it’s in a language so, so old, that Clara shouldn’t be able to understand it, but she does.

“The width and breadth of the sky,” she repeats in perfect Gallifreyan, and the action is unbidden and effortless, like the words are muscle memory on her tongue.

And then she gasps, breathless and shocked and like she’s been struck by lightning, and when her eyes meet the Doctor’s, she sees he looks the same way.

They stand there, staring at each other, and it’s like the moment is frozen, suspended somewhere in the space between heartbeats and spans of breath, and then Clara finally speaks again, this time in English.

“I -“ she starts then stops, shakes her head and blinks. She’s remembering a white-haired Doctor and a dark-haired girl, a TARDIS repair shop and a sky that looked like it was burning. They are her memories, and yet they are not.

“What I just said, it’s part of a phrase, isn’t it?” Clara asks. “There’s a second part to it, though,” she says, and then she frowns, her eyebrows furrowing. “I don’t know how I remember that.”

But she does, and the rest of the words dance through her mind, just out of her grasp.

“Can you remember anything else?” the Doctor asks her gently, quietly, like he’s almost too afraid to ask aloud, too afraid to hope.

She searches, casting about in her mind for words she might know, but it’s like wandering about in the dark, and she can’t find what she’s looking for. She remembers running, remembers the words I have to save him turning over and over again in her mind, like an unending symphony of her subconscious, but for the moment, that is all. There are no more lost words from Gallifrey.

“No,” Clara says, shaking her head. “That’s all I remember right now. I wish I knew the rest though, I think - ” her voice goes quiet, “I think those words were important to me - to whatever girl I was - in another life.”

In three long strides, the Doctor cuts through the holographic stars and across the console to her, folding her into his arms and lacing his fingers through her hair. She shuts her eyes, listening to the comforting melody of his twin heartbeats, constant and steady and calm.

Gently, he presses a kiss to the tender skin of her temple, and then she feels his lips moving against her hair as he whispers softly in Gallifreyan, finishing the phrase she started.

Clara doesn't know the words, but they sound soft and sweet, like a song, and she feels a twinge of happiness when she hears them, and a glow in her chest, like somewhere in her subconscious she recognizes them even if she doesn’t understand them.

“What’s that mean?” she asks.

“The width and breadth of the sky cannot compare to the infinite cosmos within us,” he says.

And she knows it’s true.

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puddlejumper72-blog-blog · 4 years ago

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Been thinkin...

Ok, I have been thinking. I was just watching today, The Time of The Doctor, when Eleven regenerates into Twelve. Clara calls Eleven, and tells him, that told her family that she has a boyfriend. That he was her boyfriend. He was all happy and smiles. Then she told him, well, not really my boyfriend, but a pretend boyfriend. So it was Clara that actually said he wasn’t her boyfriend. It was just pretend.

Now, we fast forward to Trenzalore, where they were in a Truth Field. Clara stated she fancied him. We knew that. Clara got sent away. Clara came back, clinging to The Tardis, for 300 years. When the Mother Superious comes and gets her again, we see The Doctor has aged again. I don’t know how many years. However, that’s not the point.

My point is this...when he finally regenerates into Twelve, he has a great deal of pent up emotions. Hence his ‘angryish’ appearance. I think that part of him had remembered what Clara said to him, about him being her boyfriend; then he remembered her saying, well it was a pretend thing. I think, in the new regen, with his emotions all over the place, he felt hurt. I think that is why Twelve made the statement, “Clara. I’m not your boyfriend.”

She responded, “I never said you were.” Uh...Clara, yeah you did. He remembered that. Then you took it back. Just my ideas on Twelve’s thoughts and feelings.

#Peter Capaldi Doctor Who Jena Coleman Twelve Whoufauldi universe's greatest romance I'm not your boyfriend Just See Me

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mothdogs · 5 years ago

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Let me get this straight

- Rose: Absorbs the Time Vortex in her head. She cannot live this way. Nine has to absorb it for her and let it kill them instead.

- Donna: Becomes the DoctorDonna. Has part (?) of the Time Vortex in her head. She cannot live this way. Ten has to erase her memories to save her life.

- Clara: Hangs onto the side of the TARDIS as it travels back to Eleven on Trenzalore. Experiences the Time Vortex, but is protected by the TARDIS’ force field. Has no ill effects ????? Also apparently this has nothing to do with her “impossible girl” thing, she can freely travel through the Doctor’s entire timeline via their “grave” AND experience the Time Vortex and still be totes okay????

If the TARDIS could shield companions from the harm the Time Vortex does to their frail human minds all along, why didn’t Nine just deposit the Vortex back into the TARDIS without having to absorb it themself? Why didn’t Ten just put Donna’s hands on the console or some shit and let the TARDIS suck it out, or create some sort of magical telepathically dampening, I dunno, necklace or bracelet that she could wear to save herself? Why does Moffat have to just completely fuck with established rules of the universe for the sake of his “special” characters?

#bleh #dw #dwposting #the time of the doctor

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wykart · 5 years ago

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The Prodigal Daughter

Summary: The Doctor has some unfinished business on Gallifrey. She has a purpose, and the Time Lords intend for her to fulfil it. (read on ao3)

a.k.a. local girl has a crush on the 13th Doctor, a love of cosmic/psychological horror, and a fascination with the whole Doctor = The Other thing from the wilderness years novels.

Chapter 1: The Promise

Pity, and things were just starting to get good. In retrospect, a little too good.

She’d been thrown out of her TARDIS and crashed right into the next band of wide-eyed, brilliant humans who’d been all too enthusiastic to go along with it all. Humans. They gravitate towards the weird like ions to a gravity belt, buzzing around like flies. Anything to pull them away from the collectively self-enforced misery of the day-to-day. You get the odd few – like Karl – who are more than content to meander through time, always a little lost, always holding the truth back a fraction so as to keep the fear at bay. Not her new best friends. In a way, she had them trapped, even if she hadn’t meant to do it. But, maybe she always means to do it, a little bit, deep down. (All of time and space, what d’you say?) reluctance, because they all have little lives to be getting on with, and little people that rely upon the unceasing perpetuation of those little lives. A web, intricate, all of them trapped in it. (By the way, did I mention, it also travels in time?) splendour, because it’s just a bit too close to magic. They hardly ever say no.

To be fair, she had wholly intended to die, all noble and peaceful-like. All staring out over the brief armistice on the battlefield and lamenting the guttural woes of immortality. Eyebrows had always quite enjoyed his lamenting. All her lamenting went on behind a smile and a brightened glare – fidgeting hands and bouncing feet. She liked the way she moved now, all limber and sporadic. The youth of it. It felt like old times.

She’d taken off the veil after Trenzalore, but it got boring after a while; the sadness, the age, the self-imposed exile. He made a promise to the next one along, a few rules to hold close to her hearts. Laugh hard. Run fast. Be kind. She plays the part rather well. It’s a different sort of relationship. She didn’t up and snatch some young woman away from her life to see the stars with an intimacy that only comes with that one-on-one, that face to face. It’s different, too, because they all joined her at the same time, none knowing more than the other, all of them from the same time, same place – down to the block. They’re predictable.

Things were light-hearted. Controlled little escapades, low stakes, relatively speaking – but more than enough for a few humans. This is who she had wanted herself to be, wasn’t it? This was the promise.

She’s in control, creating a narrative, sticking to the corners of the universe where nobody knew her title. She’s got rules now, too. Better rules than before. The Doctor lies, of course, but she doesn’t advertise the fact these days. Non-interference is a buzzkill, always will be, but she can appreciate the sentiment. Walking away; she isn’t used to that feeling. Maybe it’s a sign of maturity, or maybe she’s just growing cold. Like this – with her rules and her power – she can almost pretend that she really is just a traveller, can act the benefactor while she watches their wide eyes take in the sights. She can almost pretend that there’s no past reaching out from the end of the universe, gripping her neck, ready to twist her back towards home. Ready to snap.

Their influence is spreading beyond their secluded corner at the end of the universe. Maybe in the beginning they were humble about it, promising to patch over their tyranny and lead a civilisation of malevolent indifference at the end of time. Memories of the war still haunting the global subconscious, weapons locked away, gathering dust. Indifference never lasts forever. Curiosity and hunger prevail, scars whiten to a faded groove – even hers. As her species reaches out, tugging at time, twisting it around her like bonds, it is accompanied with an implacable longing for red fields under an orange sky. For a barn in the desert. She wonders if the grass has grown back yet – if it’s struggled up through the arid, fallow soil. She wonders how many survived the war, how many hate her, and how many idolise her? Which faction holds power now, after Rassilon’s usurpation? Do they call her a monster, a renegade, a prodigal daughter, or do they hold her up as some sort of cosmic hero, some sort of god? She isn’t sure which is worse.

And still, the message hangs in the back of her mind, a psychic backdrop, a drone. (Lord President, your presence is required on homeworld. Comply, or we will be forced to take action. Your weakness is known. It will be exploited. Kind regards). Always polite at least, the aristocracy.

Of course, she’s not going to do what they tell her. She’s been disobeying the wishes of the high council for over two thousand years. She isn’t about to stop now. Running is what she’s good at, and running was part of the promise. Still, she can feel them rifling through her head, sifting through her time like a pool of sand. Searching for something old, something powerful. Something she hasn’t thought about since before the war, when she was starting to get a little too cocky and the universe thought it best to bring her down a peg, or two, or all of them. Whether her negligence is a question of hasn’t or can’t is another matter altogether. There’s something older in her bones, deeper. Something that’s been running for even longer than she has. She doesn’t want them to find it.

The TARDIS lands, rougher than usual. She hopes she hasn’t broken any more chairs. The Doctor takes a moment to catch up with herself, pushing that spiralling message down as deep as it will go (it still hums, always singing). She feels displaced, and their grip is only growing tighter, pulling time up over her eyes like a murky veil. It tastes metallic red in her mouth.

A knock at the door scatters the symbols, impact throbbing in her ears. “Hey Doc!” it’s Graham. She quite likes that nickname, it suits her. Hip and – what was it that Eyebrows had said? – down with the kids. “Gave me a bit of a turn there, I almost dropped m’tea!”

She tries to shake the grogginess from her head and plasters on a smile, hair balled around her face like fuzz. “Tea!” she exclaims, shrill, hurtling out through the TARDIS doors in front of a startled and exasperated looking Graham. “I’d love me some tea, thanks very much Graham.”

“Well alright then, I’ll put the kettle on shall I?” he says with a chuckle. He sets his own half-full mug down on the dining table and calls up the narrow staircase. “Oi Ryan! The Doc’s here, get down or you’ll miss out til next Sat’day.” Picture frames line the walkway. Pictures of Graham and Grace as the Doctor knew her, and older ones. A young, rosy woman with braided hair smiling that same, motherly smile. Portraits of a young boy that must be Ryan, stifled in too-high school shirt collars and gazing off-centre into his own thoughts. “He’s havin’ an afternoon nap,” Graham informs the Doctor with a fond, knowing smirk. “Went out with his mates down the pub last night and came back in a right state. I don’t know how he does it.”

“Oh, to be young,” the Doctor muses, only half in jest. Graham barks a short laugh, because he doesn’t see her, none of them do. She’s just fine with that. Oh, to be young. It makes the running so much easier.

“Yaz should be round in a bit, she had some family lunch, extended and all. Makes me jealous just thinkin’ about that food. Do they’ave Pakistani food in space?”

The Doctor is grateful for the invitation for anecdote. “Oh yeah, plenty of em’! Especially in the 31st century when you lot really start branchin’ out. There’s one in the Taureen System just off the Braken Nebula – excellent Karahi. I’ll take you sometime, shall I?” Fast words, wide grin, teeth bared against that incessant noise thrumming against her skull. She tries not to betray her disquiet. She feels sorry for The Master.

“That sounds great Doc,” a flash of concern. That isn’t good. He must have noticed her expression. “I’ll get that tea on. Make yourself at home.” He bustles out as Ryan traipses down the stairs, one careful foot in front of the other. Climbing down a British suburban staircase with a hangover and dyspraxia is a feat of unimaginable skill, and he almost makes it look easy.

“Mornin’ Ryan,” she calls, plastering on her grin again.

He winces. “Hey, Doctor.”

“Big night?”

“Yeah.” He sighs, blinking rapidly as if the action might jerk him awake. “Long shift at work too. I’m down for an adventure, just no more space warehouses, yeah?”

“Well, guess I’ll have to cancel my plans for our space warehouse extravaganza then.” She rolls her eyes in mock-frustration. “Honestly Ryan, you keep me on my toes.”

The doorbell rings, causing Ryan to wince and hold his head again. “Shall I answer the intruder alert?” she chimes, trying for a joke. It’s an old one, overused maybe, but her head hurts far more than Ryan’s does and the joke-making centre of her brain is seeped in Time Lord threats, viscous as tar.

“That’ll be Yaz,” Ryan mumbles. “I’ll get it.” He wanders along the landing, the Doctor following absently, not really sure what to do with herself. When Ryan opens the door, Yaz’s face is almost covered by the tower of Tupperware balanced precariously in her arms.

“Hey Ryan, Doctor,” she beams. “Could you grab a couple of these, otherwise I’m gonna collapse under a pile of Nani’s cooking.” Ryan obediently scoops the top-most lot of containers from Yaz’s tower. The smell is overpowering, and steam fogs up against the plastic, softening it. The Doctor takes the next lot with a hurried grin at Yaz and carries them to the kitchen. Best not to look at her too long, Yaz is good at noticing faces and what’s going on behind them.

“Oh Yaz, you’re a gem, you are,” Graham exclaims as he waves through the parade of leftovers.

“Well I wasn’t about to leave you out was I?” she says, shunting the sparse contents of the O’Brien/Sinclair fridge to make room for her contribution. “How about we have second lunch when we get back. Just make it a long one, okay Doctor, because I am full to bursting.”

“Ooh, lunch with the fam,” The Doctor cries, a little too loudly to be passed off as mere enthusiasm. The truth is she’s having trouble hearing her own thoughts, let alone her voice. It’s like her head is being pushed underwater, deeper, deeper, to where the light doesn’t shine and the creatures are strange.

There’s a shared sheepish smile from the rest of them. Sometimes all of their faces knit together into one. Predictable. All humans look a little bit the same. She can see their time stretching out in front of them, see where it snaps off abruptly, no confetti. A straight line. A grey line. Their youth hangs about them like something tangible, and there’s so little substance to them that they’re often nothing more than pinpricks in the dark. You have to squint. The other Time Lords don’t see them at all. That simple fact is what scares her the most.

“You all good Doctor? You’re sorta just… starin’,” Ryan says, brows knotted together in concern. The other two wear the same expression. Identical. Pinpricks in the dark.

“Hmm?” she inquires, using the sound to give her more time, processing his words. They take a while to filter through. His voice is like tin; thin, rattling. “Me? Very all good, thanks Ryan. Always good, that’s me.” (Am I a good man?) She buries the question. It has a habit of cropping up at inopportune moments.

“Okay then,” Yaz claps her hands together, dispelling the tension. She’s good at that, but it’s double-edged. Yaz notices everything, and the Doctor knows that later she’ll be taken aside and bombarded with questions from PC Khan. Astute, assertive, hopelessly curious. She prides herself on attracting that sort. “What have you got planned for us today, Doctor?”

“Well, now that you mention it, I think I have some idea.” As far away from the Time Lords as possible. What sort of leisure activities could one take one’s humans to at the beginning of the universe? “It’s a surprise, though,” she blurts, when she realises that she’s been silent for too long. The sound of it is sharp, and it stabs up through the din pressing down on her (Lord President). Involuntarily, her hand rushes to her head, a wince, her feet slide and stumble beneath her as if she’s standing on ice.

“You sure you’re alright Doctor? You sure it weren’t you that drank too much last night?” Ryan smiles, half concern, half content. They have no idea what they’re dealing with. She aims to keep it that way.

“Phew, yeah I am, thanks Ryan,” she wipes her brow with the back of her hand. Mock exhaustion. The sort of exhaustion they understand. The tiredness she’s feeling now doesn’t culminate with a sheen of murky sweat on the brow – it’s deeper. It grips every nerve-end and twists. A knife in the gut, slowly spinning in. “Had a bit of a rough landing. I’ll be right with a cuppa tea in me.” She puts her hands on her hips, steadying herself. “Speakin’ of, wonder how Graham’s getting on.” It’s a forced sort of exit. Obvious. Her head hurts too much for subtlety. She wanders off towards the kitchen, past two humans with mouths open in exclamations of concern and protest held at bay. Pinpricks.

…

“Do you think she’s alright?” Ryan asks, when the Doctor is out of earshot. Alien ears though, maybe she can always hear them. He doesn’t linger on the thought.

“Probably, she did look a bit wobbly. Nothing she can’t handle though, right?” she grins. It’s transparent; for herself as much as for him. “She’s an alien, could have an alien cold or something.”

“Do you reckon humans can catch alien colds?”

“Dunno.”

Small talk is difficult. She had quite enough of it that morning surrounded by her extended family all crammed into their little apartment. It’s always the same questions delivered at varying levels of disdain coated in sweetness. Questions like; have you thought about going to university?, do you have a boyfriend yet?, and then; you’re so beautiful Yasmin, you would have no trouble finding a good man. Her mother had cast the odd look her way, a knowing smile, encouragement in her eyes. Her mother had always been supportive of her, but Yaz wondered whether that was only because she still had a chance of ending up with a man, if the right one came along. She didn’t want to believe that – her mum was great, really – but love could be conditional like that. Needless to say, she was looking forwards to a bit of escapism. She even found herself craving a bit of danger. A chase, a monster, a plot to foil.

Talking to Ryan is different. She’d been surprised at the relative ease with which they slotted back together. Primary school was a minefield, especially for a kid with dyspraxia and a tendency to wander off into his own head. The teachers didn’t understand, they thought he was just careless, and every bump and bruise was met with an exasperated cry of ‘Ryan!’ She helped him out, because even then she was a bit of a teacher’s pet. Even then she was a bit of an outcast. High school came with a promise to keep in touch, but all of a sudden there was a new place in which to be an outcast. New eyes to feel pressing upon her back, gleeful. All of a sudden, Ryan Sinclair was a far-off thing, who probably had better things to do, better friends to see. Now, once again, he’s the only real friend her age she’s got. Life is circular like that.

“So, you were down the pub last night?” Yaz asks. Small talk.

“Yeah, me and a few mates. Nothing big though, had work today.”

“Your ‘nothing big’ and my ‘nothing big’ are totally different things,” she smiles. “Tell me you didn’t end up in the park again.” That was part of the night shift, clearing out drunks from the local park when the residents complained about the noise. It wasn’t the picture of justice she’d been imagining when she’d gone for the job – just people being stupid. They did that a lot, she was coming to realise.

“What were you doin’ last night, then?”

“Sleepin’ like a responsible adult,” she grins.

“You should come out with us sometime Yaz. The gang wouldn’t mind, it’d be a good time. You don’t have to drink or nothin’ if you don’t want,” he adds, at the sight of her reproach. Although she’s sure Ryan wouldn’t press her, she figures his friends might be a little more forceful. One does not simply walk into a bar in Yorkshire and not have a pint or two.

“Thanks for the offer Ryan, I might take you up on that,” she probably won’t. She’s just trying to be polite. “Just don’t expect me to go staggerin’ through the park after and listen to your god-awful rap music.”

“That stuff’s mint, Yaz. You’ll come round to my way of thinkin’ someday.”

She scoffs, “will not.”

“How’s the family then?”

“Oh they’re alright. Didn’t have my phone though, so I couldn’t even escape with that. Sonya did though, for the whole meal.” Another eye roll, a gesture her sister often inspired in her. Even if Sonya does have a boyfriend, Yaz is definitely the family favourite. She quite likes being the favourite. It’s an easy thing to do; she can say the right things, smile the right smiles. It works on teachers, family members, even superior officers to a point. It also works on the Doctor. “I had my phone all charged up, but I got this weird call last night that drained all the battery. Probably some foreign scam or something.” But it wasn’t, she knows it wasn’t. She can still hear the bruised voices in her ears. “But still, it was okay. They’re pushy, but you know how families are.” She presses her lips together, and looks at him apologetically, because she remembers that, of course, Ryan doesn’t know how families are, not really. Not big families, anyway, and not since his mum died.

He must know what she’s thinking because he says “don’t worry ‘bout it. Besides, I think I’m about to. Graham’s tryna get me to go to a Christmas do with his family. I’ve managed to avoid it for the past few years since he married me Nan, but now he really isn’t lettin’ it go.”

“That could be nice, couldn’t it?”

“And have a bunch of stuck-up old white folks I don’t know say how sorry they are about me Nan? Don’t think so.” Silence again. Yaz doesn’t know grief the way Ryan does. She hopes she never has to. Ryan winces, bowing his head against the headache Yaz knows is still plaguing him. “I swear to you, I didn’t even drink that much last night. It hit me proper good though, I totally spaced out in the pub, look,” he points to a spot in the middle of his forehead. It’s hard to see against the darkness of his skin, but definitely there. “I fainted or something and banged my head right into the table. Felt like I got concussed ‘cause I got all spacey for a bit.”

“And you just went on with the night?” she asks, in exasperated incredulity.

“What? Nothing’s wrong with me. I did see some proper weird stuff though. Colours on the TV and this weird grating noise – you ever heard anything like that?”

“You sure no one slipped anything in your drink?” She’s heard horror stories about that sort of thing. Mostly from Sonya and her mates. They’re all underage, but that never stops them. Yaz is convinced her sister continuously breaks the law just to spite her, not even trying to hide it.

“Dunno. Nan would’ve been able to explain it, I’m sure. Plenty of people coming through A&E on a Friday night.” He pauses, just a moment, a memory, a flood of grief. “It was real weird though, not to sound like a total nutter, but I heard a voice and all this static. Somethin’ about –“

“A president.” Yaz finishes, gazing at Ryan, mind kicking into gear, whirring.

“Err… yeah, actually. How’d you know that.”

“That’s what they said on the call.” The more she thinks about it, the more she can feel the presence of it; the memory. There’s a hole where her mind has plastered over the event. It’s thin and, with trembling fingers, she starts to peel the plaster back. “It was this horrible noise, like static, you know?”

“Are you sayin’ we had the same hallucination.”

“Startin’ to think it wasn’t a hallucination, actually.” She pauses for a moment, so does he, both of them trying to pull back the plaster, see what’s behind the wall. No substance, just absence – but the scars left behind paint the picture well enough. An inverted image.

“Coincidence?” he offers, clearly not believing it himself.

“I don’t really believe in those.” After everything she’s seen, she doesn’t think she’ll ever believe in coincidences again.

“You reckon it’s alien?”

She almost wishes it is. She could use a bit of a thrill about now. “Should we ask the Doctor?”

“Wait, you don’t reckon her weirdness has got to do with this weirdness?”

“Like I said, don’t believe in coincidences.” And just as she says it, cementing it, the universe goes and proves her right. The phone rings.

…

The Doctor doesn’t hear the tone. She doesn’t hear much of anything, actually, because her ears are pounding with the sound of time twisting, space warping, cries scraping across it like – what was that human saying? – nails on a chalkboard. It was only going to get worse, she knew that. Even if she rushed to the other end of the universe, it would follow her. Maybe slowly at first, but it would come. It would never, ever stop.

She grasps the edge of the kitchen counter for balance. Good old furniture – nice and sturdy.

“Doc?” (Doc, doc, doc) it echoes out and mixes in with the noise. Someone used to call her that. The sound is something to hold onto.

“Yep, yep I’m here,” she groans, speaking underwater again. He’s not even a pinprick now, just an absence. She claws herself back.

“You sure you’re okay Doc?” he’s holding a tray laden with teacups, and those little things she likes – biscuits.

“Oh good, thanks Graham,” she murmurs, reaching a trembling hand out to the tray. She grabs a handful of biscuits and shoves them into her mouth.

“Woah there, watch the tea!” he cries, “you hungry or something? I’ll fix you something proper.” When she doesn’t answer his face folds into an inquisitive line. His face is all full of lines, it reminds her of Eyebrows. She misses those lines, sometimes. Drawn together, they formed a mask to hide behind, the grooves pressed with vitriol and imposing anger. Sharp, icy eyes. This new face is all smooth, wide dark eyes, nothing to pull back and hide behind. She thinks it’s hard for people to take it seriously; the wonder, the youth, the gold. She’d found that out in Bilehurst Cragg, and in a thousand other little ways. Pity, that change was the largest. Nobody pities angry old men. “Your phone’s ringin’, that’s all. Want to go and get it?” Graham again. She can almost see him now – a speck on the horizon.

“Phone,” she mumbles through the mass of cakey biscuits, “p h o n e,” she tries the sound out in her mouth. The sugar isn’t helping much – her tongue still tastes like blood.

“Err, yeah,” he mutters. “Listen Doc, if you ain’t well we can give it a miss this week. Or, you could rest for a bit and pop back – wonders of time travel and all that,” he laughs, forced, drawn out. He’s expecting an answering chuckle and quip. Something bubbling and bumbling to put his mind at ease. (Your weakness is known. It will be exploited).

“They’re tryin’ to undo me,” she whispers.

“What? Doc please, give me somethin’ to work with here.”

“We should get out of here. We should really, really get out of here.” Urgency keeps her sharp, all gasping words, repeating. Fear is a superpower.

“Oi, what about the tea?” Graham cries after her as she darts from the kitchen, coat flying.

“Forget the tea, Graham!” There are worse things to worry about than tea getting cold.

She leaves him standing in the kitchen, tray still clasped steadily in his arms. He’s poured himself another mug, ever the addict, and four clouds of steam waft up into his face, lines pulled up into an expression of surprise.

…

Yaz can’t help it. She’s always been a little too curious for her own good. (Hello? Hello is anyone there?). The TARDIS phone continues to chime, muffled against the wooden panel. She prises it open before Ryan can utter a noise of reprimand. The sleek black phone rattles, and the ringing is replaced with something else. It grows, warping around the tone. Static. Her stomach drops as a memory stirs. The hole behind the wall is flooded all at once. Sweet bruises, bones grinding, and a song that could almost be beautiful, the frequency just a bit too far from what a human throat could produce. (Lord President).

The lights begin to flicker. A dark shape rushes out from the hallway – the Doctor, bright to shadow by the millisecond as the lights crackle overhead. “What happened?” she asks. Snappy, and – but she couldn’t be – scared.

“I – I didn’t do anything,” Yaz defends, casting a pleading look at Ryan. “I didn’t even answer it, it just –“

“Never mind that,” she interrupts, “we need to go, right now.”

“Doctor,” Ryan says, “what’s goin’ on?”

“I’d like to know that too, actually,” Graham says, tray abandoned, out of breath.

The TV blares on suddenly, curdled colour reaching out in tendrils. The noise follows it, and the patterns on the screen swirl into something that could be mistaken for a face. It hurts to look at.

The Doctor cries out, doubling over and clutching her side. “We need,” she gasps, face contorted with pain, “into the TARDIS, now –“ she groans as Ryan’s phone buzzes in his back pocket. He pulls it out with apprehension. It burns hot, phone case melting at the corners. He drops it in alarm.

Yaz is the first one to act, though it’s difficult to think anything at all, let alone move. Each flash of the lights illuminates the scene, the next frame in a stop motion film. Her feet feel rooted, connected to something deep in the ground. She pulls them out and dashes to the Doctor’s side.

“Hey Doc, what’s that –“ Graham’s voice trails off as he blinks, pressing his eyelids together, furrowing those handy lines of his. “Lord President,” his voice sounds like his own, almost. There are more voices towing it along, some racing ahead, some lagging behind. Layered. “Your presence is required –“ he’s shaking, like his skin can’t keep up with whatever’s raging inside it. Blood trails from his nostril in a clear dark line.

“Graham!” Ryan shouts, rushing over to him and grabbing his shoulders.

“Comply, or we will be forced to take desperate measures –“ It’s coming from everywhere, without, within, propagating from each one of them like a beacon.

“Doctor!” Yaz cries, still supporting her friend as she crumples towards the floor. “We need to get everyone inside!”

“Yaz!” Ryan shouts, “I can feel it, I can –“ his eyes glaze, his arms hang limp. There’s a hint of a smile. “Kind regards.”

The Doctor’s face screws up into a darkened grimace, head pushing up against the tide raining down, veins in her neck bulging. Yaz can see a hint of that old anger, the thing she doesn’t know is there, the lines. She seems to growl it. “Leave them alone!” Again, she doubles over, head hanging. A whimper. “I’ll come, I’ll come, I will,” she pleads. Yaz doesn’t think she’s ever heard so much fear. The Doctor’s voice is dripping with it. “Let them go, I’ll come… I’ll come.”

(Lord President).

“Just SHUT UP!” she screams, protest tearing through her throat.

“Doctor, please, we need to go,” Yaz can’t keep the tremor from her voice. She’s been trained to deal with stressful situations – but this is beyond stress, it feels like she’s decomposing. “We need to go, something’s coming,” because the beat is getting louder and her heart throbs in her throat. The song is rising up like bile into her mouth, filling it with words. The world becomes a haze, and she feels nothing at all.

…

The voice at her shoulder starts up the tune, just another voice, amplifying it. Yaz’s voice. The Doctor’s knees give way to carpet. She grasps the stuff in tufts between her fingers, clawing at it like she claws at reality, at texture. They’re still searching, rifling through her mind for the thing that’s stirring there. The thing she saw in the untempered schism.

“Your weakness is known. It will be exploited,” they chorus, dissonant. They know, of course they know, her pleading promises are empty. She won’t go willingly. She’s always been terrible at being psychic, and truths held so close are hard to disguise. She wonders how long her new friends will last before the signal burns them up.

Trembling fingers grasp at her sonic, feeling the familiar sheen of Sheffield steel, reminding herself of who she is now. Just a traveller. No past, just her and some mates, larkin’ about. Calculations rattle through her head, fighting against the tide of the message, the spirals, the bloodied taste. She’s good in a tight spot.

The Doctor raises her sonic as high as the spasming muscles in her arms will allow and fires it off. A beacon of golden light, a familiar buzz, like honey against the bitterness. It flares out, a brief respite. The lights fizzle out and leave them in darkness, the faint glow of a dying bulb overhead. There’s no time to wonder how many seconds she’s got. The weight pressing down on her, stones in a river, lift so suddenly that she feels as if she could float. Mind clear as a summer sky, no tar. She smiles, something a little wicked. Outsmarted again.

Her friends stagger and she shouts. “Let’s go team, into the TARDIS, right now!” They sway, fraught with confusion. Predictable – but the pinpricks grow to sprawling tapestries behind her eyes. “Now!” she emphasises, grabbing Yaz by the arm and frantically beckoning the other two. Thankfully, they don’t ask questions. She has a feeling they’re about to, and she’s not at all looking forward to it. Just as she half pushes Graham inside the TARDIS doors, she feels the beginnings of the hum again. A nibble at the back of her mind. She doesn’t wait for it to start gnawing. She pushes past her dazed friends and half dives onto the lever, not even bothering to set a destination. Run circles around them, she thinks, you’re good at that. It will follow her, though, a parasite. Burrowing under the skin, something she can’t shake. If she stops, even for a second… Well, one thing at a time. This version likes to live in the moment. That was part of the promise.

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