#the whole book is about him trying to prove that jews are behind everything

[yurious]

the prague cemetry is so crazy. this guy is like antisemitism is a doctrine just like illuminism ecc and I feel represented by it 🥰

[boyduroy]

What Friends Are For

"Bill! Did I tell you I lost another tooth?!" Richie asks excitedly as they sit on the swing set, idly digging the toes of their shoes into the playground sand. The two of them sway lazily on the swings as they watch the other children laugh and play.

Bill replies, "Only about s-s-six times today."

Despite this, Richie sticks his tongue at Bill through the now double wide gap in his front teeth. Thankfully this tooth fell out naturally instead of as a result of Henry Bowers.

"I got another dollar for it. I wanted to spend it on candy but my dad says I should save it."

Richie spins his swing in a circle, twisting the chain until it can't tighten, then lets go and spins quickly as the chain unwraps itself. He laughs as the swing snatches him sharply once fully straightened out, shaking his head dizzily. Bill watches him with amusement, a pleasant smile on his face. It still feels like yesterday when this messy-haired boy with his face full of freckles and glasses too big for his head planted himself into Bill's life. It was an uneasy start for Bill, admittedly, as he had spent the majority of that day just trying to get Richie to leave him alone. But Richie proved to be nothing if not determined, and he had decided that the two of them would be friends whether Bill liked it or not. And Bill decided he did like it.

"Did you still wuh-want to s-s-s-sleep over this weekend?" Bill asks as they watch a gangly boy with curly hair run past.

Richie nods enthusiastically. "Yes! I asked my mom and she said yes." He smiles, his tongue poking out again between the gaps in his teeth. "I got a new comic book, I could bring it if you want to read it. I've already read it twice, it's really good!"

"Yeah, I'd l-like that," Bill says. He draws a random shape in the sand. "Do you like p-p-pizza? My parents said w-we could order p-pizza if we b-both agree on a tuh-topping."

Richie thinks for a moment. "I really like pepperoni but--"

"Hey!"

The two look up as the curly-haired boy from before jogs up to them. He wrings his hands nervously, his face slightly red from running around.

"Hey," he says again, a bit winded. "Can you help me with something?"

Bill is already standing. "What's wrong?"

"I'm trying to find a teacher, but I don't see any out here," he says. "There's this kid being bullied over by the baseball field. I want to help him but..." The boy looks down, ashamed.

Richie jumps up as well. "The teachers are probably having a smoke break behind the gym. Come on!" He turns to run off, not towards the gym but to the baseball field.

"R-Richie, wait up," Bill calls, following him.

"Hang on, we need a teacher!" interjects the curly-haired boy, but he, too, is close behind.

The three of them hurry to the baseball field. There they find an older blonde boy holding something over a mousy kid who appeared to be crying.

"Give it back!" the boy cries, pawing at the object that was maddeningly just out of his reach.

"Why?" comes the mocking reply from the blonde kid. "Didn't anyone ever tell you you're not supposed to have drugs at school?"

"It's not drugs," he wails. "It's medicine for my asthma! I need it!"

"Medicine is drugs, dummy," the blonde boy laughs. He tosses the object back and forth between his hands, playing one man monkey in the middle with the mousy boy, who tries feebly to catch it.

"Hey!" Richie shouts, taking a step forward. "He said he needs his medicine, Connor, give it back!"

Connor sneers at the newcomers, Richie in particular. "Oh yeah, four-eyes? What are you gonna do about it?"

Richie doesn't appear to actually have a plan other than yelling at the bully, so Bill steps up next. "W-we've already told the teacher," he lies. "He's on his way over n-now."

"You lie," Connor spits back, but suddenly looks unsure of the situation. He looks at the crying boy at his feet, then to the three of them crowding around him, then decides not to chance it. "Whatever, I've got better things to do than hang out with babies." As a final insult, he offers the object - Bill can see now that it's an inhaler - to the mousy boy, then turns and quickly throws it over the chainlink fence. The boy screams as it sails in a wide arc through the air and lands in the outfield. "Later, nerds," he yells, laughing as he runs away.

"Yeah, you better run, you butthead!" Richie yells back, but Connor is already out of earshot.

The curly-haired boy is at the mousy boy's side once the coast is clear. "Are you okay?" he asks urgently, a hand on his small shoulder. "It's okay, he's gone, just calm down now."

The boy sinks to the ground and whimpers, glancing at the baseball field, then begins to cry harder. The curly-haired boy sinks with him, rubbing his back in a comforting manner.

"It's alright, just breathe," he murmurs, but frowns when the sobs turn into choked gasps. He looks back to Richie and Bill, his eyes wide. "I think he's having an asthma attack!"

Bill and Richie, momentarily frozen by the scene, instantly spring into action. Richie launches himself at the fence and climbs over, landing on the other side with a small "oof!" Bill, noticing the gate to the fence is right next to them and was unlocked the whole time, flings it open and races after Richie. They skid to a hault in the field, which had yet to be mowed for the ball season, and frantically searcg for the inhaler amid the grass. Nothing, nothing, then a glint in the sunlight. A small canister with the name Eddie K. written in marker on a piece of tape.

"Got it!" Bill announces, grabbing the small canister and running back to the other two boys, Richie hot on his heels. The latter attempts to go back to clambering over the fence until Bill drags him to the wide open gate.

"Here, Eddie," Bill says breathlessly, kneeling down and thrusting the inhaler into the curly-haired boy's hand. The boy shakes it quickly, flicks the cap off the mouthpiece and shoves it into Eddie's mouth.

"Here, breathe in."

Eddie inhales deeply, gratefully, and grabs the inhaler himself to administer a second dose. His erratic breathing slows as he catches himself, the other boy still patting him gently. Finally he sighs and looks up at the three of them.

"Thank you," he whispers, then at Bill, "How did you know my name?"

"I-i-it's written on your inhaler," Bill points out.

Eddie glances at his own medicine, forgetting momentarily that his mother labels almost everything of his. "Oh. Right."

Bill smiles. "I'm B-Bill, this is Richie," he says, gesturing to himself and Richie. The latter beams his front-tooth-less grin at Eddie.

"I'm Stanley," the curly-haired boy adds, pulling himself to his feet. Eddie, no longer crying, scrambles up as well. "Thank you guys for helping, I didn't think I could do anything about it by myself."

"Hey, what are friends for?" Richie says, giving Stanley a friendly slap on the arm. Stan blushes and finds a welcome distraction dusting off his khakis.

"Do you have a stutter like all the time?" Eddie asks Bill.

Richie frowns and throws a protective arm around Bill. "He was in a car accident, he can't help it. Don't you dare make fun of him--"

"No, I would never make fun of someone for something like that," Eddie replies, holding his hands up. "I was just asking!"

"It's okay, R-Richie," Bill says, defusing the tension. "H-he didn't mean anything buh-bad by it."

Richie glances at Bill but relaxes. "Sorry," he tells Eddie. "I don't like when people mock him."

Eddie nods. "Kids make fun of me for my asthma, so I get it." He puffs again on his inhaler - perhaps unnecessarily - and pockets it.

"They make fun of my glasses and the way I talk too much," Richie adds.

"I get made fun of sometimes for being Jewish," Stanley pipes up. The other three stare at him blankly.

"What's that?" Richie asks.

Stan frowns, as if he isn't exactly sure. "It's my... It's being Jewish. I'm a Jew." He gestures to himself as if that explains what the word means.

The others decide to let it go, but Richie makes a mental note to pester Stanley about a more definitive answer later.

Bill points to another part of the yard. "You g-guys wanna go play?"

Stanley and Eddie smile, and the four of them head off together.

[drdln3-blog]

Science, Religion, and Spirituality: In Search of God

Dr. Sukhraj S. Dhillon Mountain House, CA 95391, USA 

 Science and religion have traditionally been treated like oil and water--they don’t mix. They don’t mix because we have been led to believe that religion is a form of subjective fundamental belief whereas science is objective verifiable phenomenon. In this article, I have developed a formula to mix science and religion and to explain that the concept of God has practical value only if we accept it as part of us. A scientist may find difficult to believe that some wise old man or woman sitting up in heaven is keeping track of everything, but can’t deny the incredible awareness and intelligence that exists in life, in nature, and in us. It’s being a scientist that makes us spiritual. 

 The questions about God, hell, heaven, and rebirth, and their relationship to realization, enlightenment, and spirituality, have occupied our mind for centuries in one form or another: What is God? Does He/She really exist? Why do we search for God? Do religions really believe in the same God? Why are there religious wars? Is there really a place such as heaven or hell? What was our past life? What will be our future life? Is there really such a thing as past life or future life? 

 Religions and prophets have been preaching about God, hell, and heaven for centuries, and millions of people have cultivated belief in these phenomena. The revolution of science and technology in this century has forced many of us to reevaluate the doctrines and tenets of our faith. Should we believe in creation or should we believe in evolution? Should we believe in heaven and God's court of justice when we look up in the sky, or should we believe in the space, the planets, and the galaxies up there? I hope this article provides a fresh insight into the mysteries about God, hell, heaven, and rebirth--and leave us wiser, peaceful, and enlightened.  

What is God? 

 The philosophy of religion or the institute of God is the human's greatest discovery. God is not a physical object. It is a state of mind. God is the Electromagnetic pulse of energy that gives life and lives within all. What we call our conscious/soul is part of God within us. That is why great prophets and religious scriptures say God is everywhere (omnipresent). Whenever, wherever, our mind and soul is with us, God is there; and the saying goes “God resides in our hearts- -not in temples, mosques, or churches. Bernie Siegel (author of Love, Medicine & Miracles) says same thing, “God resides in each of us.” In other words, God is a spirit that exists in every person. The rich, the poor, the king, the subject, the religious, the atheist, the sinner, the sage, the Easterner, the Westerner, the Christian, the Jew, the Hindu, the Muslim, the Sikh, the Buddhist, and on and on.... This is consistent with what the Christians preach: “We are ideas of God!” And ideas come from--the divine mind. Only people (Homo sapiens) among the animal species are fortunate enough to have a powerful mind and experience the presence of spirit in their mind. The recognition of that spirit is what gives us spiritual living or realization of God. Completely illuminated human beings know that God is present in the deepest and most central part of their own soul. God is not outside the world. God is the world. So, philosophically, God is a State of Mind; OR It’s our mind, which is God! OR God is a spirit/conscious energy that exists in each one of us! (lf you're confused, don’t worry! Read on!!)  

“God is not outside the world. God is within us. Live a Holy, Healthy, Happy Life.” 

 Religion-spirituality and science can come together. God is scientific. God is light. God is darkness. God is intelligent, loving energy. God is nature. God is in us. God is psychoneuroimmunology when we witness miracles of healing. God is all. Some of us may distinguish between religion and spirituality; religion may be a possessive and destructive force that doesn’t allow expansion of mind, whereas spirituality is a healing force with no rules attached to God’s love or God’s ability to sustain us. We should remember the real purpose of a religion is spirituality; and we should try to stay away from names and definitions. God, for example, is one of the many names of the same divine force or universal energy. 

 For those who feel comfortable with the word God or Creator, it’s a divine word! It brings peace of mind. With prayer, we speak to God. With miracles, God responds. Science now explains miracles of healing through the mind-body relationship. With prayer we awaken the spirit in our mind, and the transformed-spiritual mind causes hormonal and other chemical changes that eventually may result in healing. As such, God or Creator is not a separate entity, it’s part of us- -present right in our mind all the time. God is within us every moment, in every circumstance. He/She is to our left and to our right, before us and behind us, above us and beneath us. God watches every act--criminal or noble--and every moment, whether we’re alone or in a crowd. We cannot deceive God (our own mind/conscious) by thinking nobody is watching us. 

 What about our belief in God's form of existence or court of justice? Nobody could describe the physical or descriptive existence of God in the past, nobody can describe it now in the present, and nobody is likely to describe it in the future. For an atheist there is no God because physical existence cannot be proven. And that is why discussion on existence or nonexistence of God never gets anywhere. God's existence cannot be proved or disproved. God is not a body like us sitting somewhere in the sky. We have launched rockets into the space, we have built space-station, we have analyzed moon rocks, we have taken close-up pictures of the planets--we don’t find even primitive life form, never mind finding God in the sky. Science may not find God in the sky who keeps track of everything, but the incredible awareness and intelligence that exists in life, in nature, and in us on this Earth is a form of God's scientific existence. 

 It’s impossible to see God, because He/She is an integral part of our mind. Since God is within us, we obviously can’t see God, just as, for instance, an eye cannot see itself and an ear cannot hear itself. And Zenrin puts in simply, “Like a sword that cuts, but cannot cut itself; like an eye that sees, but cannot see itself.” Our soul and God are one. The individual soul (atma) is part of universal or original or supreme or perfect soul called Parmatma (name of God in eastern scriptures). The attempt to bring the soul and God together merely perpetuates the illusion that the two are separate. It’s not so, and we’re already It. To know God is to be God; the two are not at all separate, points out the Hindu scripture Upanishad. If God and we were two separate entities, then we could see, hold, and go around Him/Her in a ceremonial worship! However, in various religions we find unique ways to worship God. Practitioners use symbols of godhead varying from images/statues to holy books and even imaginary pictures. 

 The great prophets, Christ, Mohammed, Nanak, Buddha, Krishna, and Mahavir, all provided avenues to the realization of God or to awaken the spirit that exists in our minds. These paths are different, but the destination or message is similar. More importantly, there is one common element; they all focus on something that exists in our minds and strive for a realization or spiritual awakening that forms the basis for a changed or spiritual state of mind. 

 If God is a state of mind with awakened spirit, what is that state of mind! 

 That state of mind is without fear, without enmity, immortal without the fear of death or birth, complete within itself--timeless, ageless, and form- less (Akaal Moorat). We know that only the physical body ages, spirit is not affected by time or age or birth or death. A few blessed ones realize that state of mind (Nirbhau, Nirvair, Akaal Moorat, Ajooni, Saebhang, Gur Parsad Mul-Mantra or Basic Principle, Japuji). Nanak, Mohammad, Christ, Buddha, Mahavir, and other great prophets attained such a state of mind. They were able to awaken the spirit that existed in their minds. They realized the presence of spirit (God). In other words, they found God. 

 It is that state of mind with awakened spirit which Rajnish called orgasmic, saints call peaceful, psychiatrists call tranquil, and drug addicts call getting high. 

 Many spiritual masters have called this enlightened state of mind by different names. Buddha called it “the enlightened one.” Christ and Messiah also meant the same. St. Paul called it “the peace of God that passeth understanding” and Richard Maurice Bucke named it "Cosmic Consciousness.” Guru Nanak described as “realization of ultimate truth.” In Zen it is satori, in yoga it is samadhi or moksha, in Sufism it is fana, in Taoism it is wu or the Ultimate Tao. Gurdjieff labeled it “objective consciousness”; Sri Aurobindo refers to it as “illumination,” “liberation,” and “self-realization.” Dante said, “trans-humanization into a God.” Likewise, enlightenment has been symbolized by many images; the thousand-petaled lotus of Hinduism, the Holy Grail of Christianity, the clear mirror of Buddhism, Judaism’s Star of David, the yin-yang circle of Taoism, the mountain top, the swan, the still lake, the mystic rose, and the eternal flame. 

 How an individual describes the enlightened state of mind may seem quite different and even opposed. As one and the same pain may be described either as a hot pang or a cold sting, so the descriptions of the enlightened experience may take forms that seem so different. One person may say that he/she has found the answer to the whole mystery of life, but somehow cannot put it into words. Others will feel that they have experienced, not a transcendent God, but their own inmost nature. Some will get the sense that their egos or selves have expanded to become the entire universe, whereas others will feel that they have lost themselves altogether and that what they called their egos were never anything but abstractions. Some will describe themselves as infinitely enriched, while others will say they haven't a care in the world. A theist may call it a glimpse of the presence of God. 

 Irrespective of that experience, we can call this state of mind with awakened spirit “the spiritual state of mind.” In everyday living, spiritualism is experienced as kindness, forgiving, mercy, compassion, peace, joy, acceptance, non-judgment, joining, intimacy, and an absence of need to dominate others. Spiritual beings focus on authentic personal empowerment, utilize multidimensional thinking, and believe loving guidance is available. They feel connected to all of humanity and practice a life without desire to control someone or to prove that they are right and the other person is wrong. They know a dimension beyond cause and effect. They are motivated by morality, serenity, and quality of life. They recognize a violent response to evil as participating in evil and focus on what they stand for. They feel a sense of responsibility and belonging to the universe. They have a tendency to extend love and help others rather than feel enmity and competition. Their minds are not controlled by anger, fear, lust, greed, attachment, false ego, or envy. Their existence is not affected by time and age. They are not afraid of getting old or of dying young. They see no sin in the world to escape from. 

 Nonspiritual people, on the other hand, are in a state of fear and experience anger, abuse, pain, greed, addiction, selfishness, obsession, corruption, and violence. They hold grudges and seek revenge for perceived wrongdoing. They are only motivated by achievement, performance and acquisitions. They feel separate from all others.  

Why is there a spiritual need to search for God?  

“Possession of material riches, without inner peace, is like dying of thirst while bathing in a lake.” --Paramhansa Yogananda 

 To satisfy the sense may be the major challenge for some of us, but it is actually the easiest part. The mind and spirit require continual attention and stimulation. It is not until we assume responsibility for the enhancement of the total self that we can live full lives. 

  For the sake of simplicity, let's divide human life into three levels of existence. All three levels, we may point out, are a normal part of the human life cycle. It’s how we handle these levels that create hell or heaven in our lives. 

 1. The first level of our existence as a highly evolved animal leads us to search for sensual pleasures such as lust, drinking, smoking, drugs and anything that satisfies or pleases the senses. Many people may spend their entire life right at this level. 

2. The second level of our existence as we advance leads us to think more like humans since we live as a civilized society. That is to have a well-paying and respectable job, a good house, an expensive car, and other materialistic desires. All this is a normal character of ego which requires strength, strategy, and effort to achieve material possessions. Most of us spend our life rising only to second level. 

3. The third or highest level of our existence demands something more than the first level of sensual pleasures and the second level of materialistic living. It provides an extra touch to the first and second levels! That third level is spiritual living or enlightenment, which we can call the ultimate achievement in human existence. It is because of this desire that we find well educated, highly intelligent, extremely successful, wealthy people looking for a spiritual leader or guru. These are the people who desperately follow those who can provide some insight into spiritual philosophy, whether it is Maharishi Mahesh Yogi or Bhagwan Rajnish or Swami Prabhupada--author of English version of Bhagvad Geeta and founder of International Society of Krishna Consciousness in the western world, which provided the seed of Hare Krishna movement. 

 Most often the spiritual gurus are from the east since the western society is very big on action and there is no guidance for spiritual advancement. Owing to this spiritual need or void, 2500 or more cults exist in the U.S. alone. Cult leaders come from both east and west. Cult leader Jim Jones poisoned hundreds of his followers in the 1980s and David Koresh lead 86 people to burn themselves to death at Waco, Texas in 1993. Luc Jouret led over 50 members to forced death in Canada and Switzerland in October 1994. In March 1997, 39 followers of Heaven's Gate died in a mass suicide in Rancho Santa Fe, California near San Diego. It’s the understanding of spirit in our own mind that can save us from cult incidences. 

  “To seek spiritual power, there is no need to seek it through any occult hierarchy, any guru, any doctrine,” says J. Krishnamurti. “The important thing is to free our mind of envy, hate, and violence; and for that we don’t need an organization.” He calls people to examine their own hearts and minds to see the egotism and self-ignorance at the root of all sufferings and troubles; that is precisely what prevents enlightenment and spiritual power. 

 The spiritual power doesn’t come from the same sources that feed our ego. Ego power is an important part of society in the worldly sense. It requires strength, strategy, and efforts to achieve things that have a social value. We like a well-paying respectable job regardless of whether we're good at it, and it’s because of ego power we often are attracted to other material possessions. 

 Our efforts to achieve ego power, however, don’t necessarily empower the spirit or soul. The spiritual power comes from living close to the heart. It comes from unexpected sources such as failure, sickness, and loss. For example, when we endure through loss of job or illness, we find inner strength that strengthens our spirit. Spiritual or soul power also comes from being ourselves doing what we’re good at. Inherent qualities such as intelligence, attractive appearance, and even powerful voice provide soul power. Spiritual power comes from doing something for community or country. Although we may not see a benefit in the worldly sense, it nurtures the spirit and feeds the soul. When we fail to nurture our soul, we fail to live in peace with ourselves in the face of illness, loss of job or loss of loved one. It was perhaps the spiritual power, more than her wealth or recognition that provided Mrs. Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis the strength to live through life-crises up to the last minute of her life-- May 19, 1994. It is for those successful, intelligent people who are looking for a spiritual power this article, I hope, will play a significant role. And please remember, a life lived in a spiritual state of mind or enlightenment is an everyday life with an extra dimension.  

How about hell, heaven, and rebirth? 

It’s our mind that creates hell.  It’s our mind that creates heaven. And it’s the liberation of our mind (or soul/conscious which is part of God in us) from the fear of death or other miseries of the world that is liberation from birth and death cycle. Buddhism calls it Nirvana. 

 Does hell or heaven exist as a particular place? No one has seen! But a person is in heaven if he/she is in spiritual state of mind; and is in hell if he/she loses control of mind. And our personality is the reflection of our state of mind. If our state of mind is saintly, we are a saint; if our state of mind is love, we are lovable; if our state of mind is complete, we are complete; if our state of mind is intelligent, we are intelligent; if our state of mind is unlimited, we are unlimited; if our state of mind is hope, we are hopeful; if our state of mind is honest, we are honest. On the other hand, if our state of mind is devilish, we’re devils; if our state of mind is evil, we become evil person. When, for example, we lose our control of mind to drugs--we’re opening the door to hell. 

 Satan or evil is nothing but a counterpart of goodness. We know heat exists, but its counterpart cold doesn’t exist. Cold is merely the deficiency or lack of heat. Similarly, light exists, but its counterpart darkness doesn’t exist. Darkness is merely the deficiency or absence of light. Same is true for evil. Evil doesn’t exist, but its counterpart goodness exists. It is simply the deficiency or absence of goodness that we have named evil. And evil is what leads us to the door of hell. Evil mind is the mind out of control. It’s like the fire, which is our servant for cooking and keeps us warm, but becomes evil when it gets out of control.  

Conclusion 

 All the thoughts here are part of a single concept. By improved state of mind or spiritual state of mind or sharpening our faith, we can add an extra dimension to everyday life. This concept ignores neither science nor religion, and removes the cloudiness of fear and confusion that interferes with achievement of ultimate happiness. Those who are in the business of saving souls after death should focus on the soul when they are still living on this planet. 

 This article is Yale-educated Dr. Dhillon’s personal conviction that has two pillars: an advanced degree in life sciences, molecular biology and evolution from the west and a fascination with spirituality from the east crafted out of studies at Yale University, U.S.A. in the west and Punjab University, India in the east. His views are expressed in over 12 books in self-help and spiritual series, several research articles, on television, in newspapers, and workshops. 

References: "Science, Religion & Spirituality," "In Search of God," and "Soul and Reincarnation" available at various Book Sellers including Amazon and Barnes & Noble. http://drdhillon.blogspot.com/

[fairlylocaldreamer]

~Nikolaj~ (one shot)

It all started with a look...

As a small girl, I was calm and quiet. My parents were bigot Jews and my father requiered obedience and respect. From my mother, from me, from my brothers. Yet, I can't remember a day, when he would humiliate us or made us feel unimportant, loveless or small. Even though, we made mistakes, he always treated us kindly, he was patient and righteous. I will never forget his long speeches, that he used to give me and my brothers, when we disobeyed his rules. We had to spent hours in silence and talk to God.

How did we do that, you may ask? We prayed, we spoke quiet prayers and asked for forgivness. Did he hear us? Did he see me, when I was, with my black and blue knees repeated words reading from that old thick book? I don't think so.

I think, that God was answering me and he spoke to me the day, I met Nikolaj. The day, when I was lying on the frozen ground, my numb body covered with snow and frost and I was praying, because... What a paradox, you might ask, but in CC camp, where I lost my whole family, I found God. I saw hope, when everybody saw misery, I saw light, when everybody saw darkness. And I can only thank my father, because he taught me to speak to God.

Like it was today, I remember deadly spooky lights coming from the street, as Nazis were back in 1938 destroying everything, that was connected to Jews. No matter if it was a shop or a lawyer office, they wanted everything to burn. I wad lying between my mother and father in bed and we were praying. My mother's voice, singing me a jidish lullaby after that will always be in my head. I will never forget it and it will be the one, that my kids will always hear before I put them into the bed, right after two big hands will carry them to their room.

Same hands, that lifted my fragile broken body, that already gave up.

I can hear your voice still, Nikolaj. You were talking to me and I wasn't able to speak back, because my body and spirit were broken. I was one of many, yet you picked me, you stopped beside me and you spoke to me. You spoke in Russian and I had no idea, what you were saying, from intonation of your voice, I could only understand, that you were asking questions, but all I was able to say was my name. "Chana."

It was my mother's name too, I whish you could meet her, my beloved. She would love you, she would adore your kindness mixed with wild temper. She would love you for the way you treat our children, for the way you treat me. She would love you, just because you are. Like me.

I fell in love with you during that cold day, when I was dying on the ground, speaking to God.

"Are you there, God?" I was whispering. "Can you hear me? I never lost hope, I never lost faith. I still believe, there is a good in people's hearts, I still believe, that you gave us a free will, so there could be a good side, when the evil one rises from time to time. You took everything away from me, now, you are taking me back home, back to you and I feel in peace. I no longer feel a pain, I am no longer afraid, because soon I will meet my mother and father, soon my soul will meet and rest in embrace of my brothers. I was never afraid of death, what I was afraid of, was dying. And look at me, God, here I am, dying, freezing to death, my body just blood, water, bones and skin. Numb and fragile, not even strong enough to bleed. If I survived, would I be able to be mother? Would my body be able to create and carry another human being, when I am no longer to carry myself on my legs?"

Then a shadow appeared, silhouette covered the sky and stopped falling snow. Like a shelter, like a roof.

You were the answer to all my questions, you were God's answer.

Frankly, my beloved, I don't even remember the moment, when you took me to your arms and brought me away from the hell. Auschwitz...

I can't tell, how long was I lying on a bed in that hospital and I can't tell, how many times did I dream about you. Just your voice and your deep dark blue eyes. One day, I woke up and your eyes were watching me, because you came back. You were sitting next to that ugly smelling bed, that I was lying on and you were holding my hand. Your strong big hand, holding mine. Just skin and bones. You loved me, Nikolaj, when I couldn't love myself. I hated my body, I found it repulsive, grey, ugly, hideous, marked by tattooed numbers. Like a cow, I was just a number, just an item on a list, just another one, who should be wiped from Earth. My body should be turned to dust and I should fly in the air, like an angel and fall on heads of people, who would swear with their lives, that they didn't know, what was happening in that place behind high walls and barbed wires.

"Chana. To me, you are beautiful," you said and kissed me for the first time. And I started to cry and you let me. You have never mocked me for my tears, you have never asked why, you always just came to me and held me, trying to soothe my pain and listen to my cries.

The end of war came and the questions started to appear in my head. Did it mean the end of us? How could I know, that it was just a beginning? How could I know, that the answer was a question: "Will you marry me?"

It wad just few months after we met, after you were sent to save me, after I saw you and heard you for the first time and I said yes. Because I loved you from the first moment our eyes met.

You gave me hope and you gave me strength. Your strong hands were supporting me, when I was walking to the altar and you were holding me whole time, because I was still weak to stand for so long. "You are my everything, Chana," you whispered, when I was falling asleep later that night in your embrace and I was crying. I was crying, because I wanted to give you all of me and I wanted to feel all of you, but my mind, my soul wasn't ready. I thought, that you would be mad, but you instead whispered a quiet prayer to my ear:

Blessed is he who loves and does not therefore desire to be loved;

Blessed is he who fears and does not therefore desire to be feared;

Blessed is he who serves and does not therefore desire to be served;

Blessed is he who behaves well toward others and does not desire that others behave well toward him;

And because these are great things, the foolish do not rise to them.

My body got stronger, because you were always sure, that I got at least three meals per day. Even when we had nothing and you, yourself, you were starving, because we were poor. I know, my beloved, I saw you refusing food, just so I wasn't hungry, working daily and nightly just to make some money for us. Because it seemed like a crime to have Jewish woman as wife, even after war, even after everything world did to us, almost nobody treated us kindly and we were still threat.

So, one day, when I came home from my walk across town, I found you and our stuff packed in two bags. "My darling, my Chana," you stood up and looked at me with all the love you had. "I want something better for us."

We moved to England and we became servants at a huge animal farm. We served to old married couple, took care of their house, took care of their cattle. Have I ever told you, that it was one of the most happiest era in our lives, Nikolaj? Because I was close to you, I was with you and I could watch your smile and shining eyes. Your impish smirk, when you were just passing me by and you ahve never missed a chance to kiss me or to tell me, how beautiful I look. It didn't matter, if I was wearing regular dress or working clothes and I looked like I just fell to the mud.

I remember the day, when I woke up beside you and I was ready to devote myself completely to you. My body and soul craved you in unspeakable way, Nikolaj. Still, I was for some reason shamed by myself. I felt, like I was thingking about something what was wrong and I didn't know why. We were husband and wife, we were man and woman, who gave promise to love each other eternally, so why did this physical yearning felt so weird to me? I can tell now, I was simply scared. I wanted you, but I didn't know, how to tell it, how to ask for it, how to express my desire for your touch. I had no idea, what to do and like a fool, I was trying my finest dresses. Don't get me wrong, I had only two, but I was able to stand in front of mirror and observe myself for whole hour. Hair up or down? Should I wear make up? Should I wear underwear or just my dress? Wait for him in night dress, in my underwear or naked? Then is it necessary to wear make up?

Do you find it ridiculous? It is fine, laugh as you want, but I have never ever had this conversation about physical connection between man and woman. I was 18, when I was dragged from my hometown and 20, when I was dying on the frozen ground in Auschwitz. And things like sex was the last in my mind.

I was standing in front of mirror, lost in my thoughts, when you came home and I noticed you, when you came and stopped in the doorway and your slightly parted lips let out sharp exhale. "What is it?" I asked and you smirked briefly.

"You took my breath away," you said and came to me. You looked me in the eyes and placed your hands on my hips and in that moment, I realized, that I was standing there in your arms just in my underwear. My hair, that were now slightly under my ears, all messy, as I was repeatedly taking off and putting on clothes.

"Nikolaj," I whispered and you knew. There was no need to speak anymore, because my eyes told you all and with yours, you gave me the answer, before you kissed me. Tenderly at first, carefully, because you felt my body shaking in your arms. You gave me time and you were patient.

You proved me, Nikolaj, that there is truly God, because what I experienced was heaven's miracle. I am sure, that I wasn't your first, but I was grateful, that you were and you still are my one and only. My husband and my lover, gentle, passionate, considerate, patient.

How many times I have listened to complaints of other women, who were cheating, unfaithful and complaining about their husbands. Of course, that me and you argued and fought too multiple times, but we never went sleep angry, we made promise to go to bed and kiss each other and tell each other 'I love you'. And we keep that promise, even though sometimes it means, we don't get sleep or we at first fall in bed and repeat I love you during angry, desperate, yearning physical act, while we tear each other clothes down. I've never understood how could problems between woman and man, husband and wife could be solved by seeing other person, by cheating, by complaining and vilification.

And it all started with look. With prayer, when I was stretching my arm toward Death and it was you, who took it and said: "Not today."

You gave me son and you gave me daughter. It is like yesterday, when you came once home and your eyes studied me curiously, as you stopped in the middle of the room and I ran to your arms. My hair was already long, ends touching my shoulders and you tucked few locks behind my ear and kissed me deeply. You sat behind the table and wherever I went, your eyes followed me. Then, after I put a plate with dinner in front of you, you casually asked: "So, how will we call it? How about Samuel, if it is boy?"

"What?" I almost spat out food from my mouth, because your words amused and surprised me at the same time.

"My darling, my Chana," you kissed me again and you were smiling into that kiss, I could tell.

And you were right.

Samuel was born and you held him in your arms proudly, you observed him  for hours and spent every minute of your free time with him. You never missed a chance to tell me, how proud you were about me for being strong to give birth, to breastfeed, to wake up billion times, when Samuel was crying and we didn't know why, when he was teething and I took him to wrap as my mother and grandmother used to do and after that, he finally fell asleep. There, where he belonged, there where he felt safe. From belly to belly, where he could listen to the sound of my or your heartbeat.

My body has changed once again and I felt like a queen, because once it healed after labour, you worshiped me in bed every day.

"Not again," I chuckled, when you woke me up once in the middle kf the night with kisses, placing on my core.

"Yes, again," you whispered. "I want another baby with you, I want to see you pregnant again, blooming, shining, Chana, tell me, that you want the same, darling."

"I do," I recklessly agreed, even though Samuel was just one year old. But I didn't mind, I wanted it, I wanted to carry your baby, yes, I did.

This is how our Rachel was made. Our beautiful daughter.

We had to move, because one room for four people was no longer enough. And we bought ruin and you made it into home. With your hands, you worked hard lomg days and nights, tirelessly and one day, we was standing in the middle of our house. You, me and our little ones. Samuel running around us and Rachel in your arms. You always were the one, who was carrying our children, proudly, so everybody knew, whose surname they carry.

Sidorov.

What started as a nightmare continues as the most beautiful dream.

I was always afraid of dying, but it is not true anymore. I don't fear death, dying no longer scares me too.

Because you will either be by my side or you'll be already waiting for me in heaven.

My beloved.

Nikolaj.

[julystorms]

will you please rant for hours about good vs evil? i would love to read that

I don’t have the physical strength to type for that long, but meet me for tea IRL and I’d be happy to discuss it with you. ;P

How about a short monologue instead? 

Good vs. evil is obviously not often best-used as a black and white concept within a narrative. It’s tired, it’s boring, and for years now we’ve moved further away from it and toward what most people would call Sympathetic Villains, because most narratives have a “bad guy” for the “good guys” to fight, but it’s unrealistic to portray your villains as puppy-kicking douchebags who sing about being evil and wow the world with their bad breath. Writers have been pulling from their own life experiences to create asshole villains who feel a little more solid and real. 

It might...have gotten longer...than I anticipated...

Hans from Frozen is a pretty decent example. Look, straight-up the guy’s an asshole, but some of the traits we see him display aren’t inherently evil: he’s subtly selfish in Love Is an Open Door, isn’t he? You have to actually think about the words to see that Anna is singing about finding fulfillment in another person/companionship/etc and he’s singing about, um, getting what he wants. He’s charismatic and charming. He’s ambitious as hell. And while all of these traits are used for evil purpose, by themselves they aren’t bad things. Better yet, we find out he’s like 13th in line for the throne and basically A Nobody who has to make his own way in the world. Which, to us plebians, gets a big “boo hoo you poor fucking baby” but in his private personal world is Shitty. So in Frozen we’re given a villain who does evil things to prove his evilness to us, the viewer, but whose actions extend beyond “because I can” or worse, “because being evil is Fun.”

Some people try and take it a step further by making super extra duper sure we don’t forget the old and frankly tired phrase: “there are two sides to every story.” Well no fucking shit there are! But that doesn’t mean the other side is telling the truth. 

Writers like to capitalize on that, on unreliable narratives, because it’s, um, fun. But also because people in general aren’t completely reliable narrators of their own lives and experiences, so to an extent it feels good to tell things from the perspective of a character who skews the truth in their favor--or in the favor of a loved one.

Anyway Isayama, in writing SnK, obviously wanted us to see that there are always two sides to every story. This isn’t a new concept by any stretch of the imagination; it’s been done a million times already. But he tried to take it a step further but getting us into the heads of the “enemy” to see if they are the enemy or not, to see how the “enemy” thinks and how they become an enemy instead of something else to the main characters.

The problem is that if Isayama is going to claim that everything is relative, that has to extend through his entire narrative, not just through the Walled Eldians and the Eldians in Marley. Marley itself needs to be shown as more than evil firebreathing dragons abusing the poor Eldian people. Because everything is relative right?! Why are they being shitty? How can we believe the whole “Eldian people used to abuse their power and hurt Marley people” thing? And if that’s the case, why would you put that slap-bang right in the middle of a narrative chunk of stuff that reeks of WWII? The connotations are legitimately disgusting. What’s he trying to do, make it sound like the Eldians deserved it? Or what about the reverse, that the Jews deserved what happened to them because somehow they’d provoked it years and years earlier? 

I mean for fuck’s sake, if Isayama wants us to see that the good vs. evil debate is tired and old and “hey assholes have reasons for being assholes” then okay cool show us. But he really, REALLY should have thought through the connotations his story was going to bring with it when he punted it into the 1940s and gave his characters armbands with special stars on them I MEAN JESUS CHRIST WHAT THE HELL WAS HE THINKING? Like if it DOESN’T scream THE HOLOCAUST at you have you ever cracked a history book? Do you even know what goes on around you that doesn’t involve you?

And look. LOOK. I hate the tired evil vs. good bullshit because I want to know what makes the “bad guy” into the bad guy. Psychology is fucking amazing. Criminal psych is incredible. 

And I was fine with the narrative showing us that because hey, I don’t mind seeing what the other people are dealing with. But then they’re only evil because someone else is MAKING them evil and haha sURPRISE THAT person happens to be an entire country of Asshats!! Who have no overtly redeeming quality or current reason for oppressing the Eldian people! Yes, they’re afraid of them, we can infer that. But it’s never really shown; their actions are barely explained; the world isn’t built up to ANYTHING. 

And then here Isayama toddles in to tell us that he really isn’t asking if war is good or bad. Okay???????? Nobody asked you to answer that question because WE ALREADY KNOW that in general war is Bad. People die, the goals of war tend to be selfish, etc etc. If people break free of rule that’s called revolution not war. It’s the French Revolution for a reason, not the Stop Being Shitty War.

Anyway, I could discuss good vs. evil in literature/media forever, but nobody wants the dichotomy storytelling anymore. Nobody. And Isayama rolls in in the middle of a story that screams its themes until you’ve gone deaf and tells us, “it’s all relative man, like dude...relative. it’s all...relative...” Like something straight out of Jack Kerouac's On the Road. And it is, but only to a point. Like, sure, Marley is afraid of Eldia. But that relativity only lasted until, idk, they enslaved everyone who didn’t run away. And sure, the Eldians left behind are fighting for their own group of people but that’s only relative to a point, too--probably the point where they’re talking about slaughtering the entire island of Paradis just for their own gain.

And look, this isn’t knocking on the plot itself, though it kind of makes me feel Tired and Bitter. My issue is with Isayama stomping all over his own plot making sure to tell people in an interview that everything is relative when IT’S NOT when you’re talking about these big fucking things. What’s this relativism shit doing in here?? This isn’t Philosophy 101. Go home and think about what you just dumped on your story like a steaming hot shit. My god. 

[godssea7-blog]

When you look at the Old Testament, you find many prophetic books. But in the New Testament there is really only one book devoted, in its entirety, to prophecy—the book of Revelation. And the Old Testament book it parallels most is Daniel.

The Anchor Bible calls the four major visions of Daniel “the four apocalypses.” That’s because they are similar to the apocalypse—the book of Revelation. We already covered in brief the great image of Daniel 2, which represents four world-ruling empires to reign successively right up to the return of Jesus Christ. The book of Revelation’s main focus is on the fourth of those four empires—the Roman Empire.

Concerning similarities between the two books, Sir Isaac Newton once said, “The apocalypse of John is written in the same style and language with the prophecies of Daniel and has the same relation to them which they have to one another so that all of them together make but one complete prophecy.” I believe that is a pretty good observation.

Doing the Continual

Mr. Armstrong often spoke about how Satan is always battling to get false doctrines into God’s Church. We battle to keep them out. The battle continues.

We have already seen in Daniel 8 how there was to be a man in this end time who would work against the continual. Daniel 8:11 says that by this man “the daily was taken away, and the place of his sanctuary was cast down.” For 1,150 days, this man (actually Satan, the power behind this man) was able to stop the daily. But God responded to that betrayal by raising up a new work.

Daniel 12 shows what happens to those who betray the daily and who work against it. “And I heard the man clothed in linen, which was upon the waters of the river, when he held up his right hand and his left hand unto heaven, and sware by him that liveth for ever that it shall be for a time, times, and an half [that is Revelation-type language]; and when he shall have accomplished to scatter [or shatter] the power of the holy people, all these things shall be finished” (verse 7). This is the 31/2-year Tribulation. At that time, God says He will shatter and destroy anything that is not built on His truth. That is an absolute.

“And from the time that the daily sacrifice shall be taken away, and the abomination that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand two hundred and ninety days” (verse 11). Again, this is language very similar to what we read in the book of Revelation. “Blessed is he that waiteth, and cometh to the thousand three hundred and five and thirty days” (verse 12). Only a little remnant in this end time will continue what God started. Only a small group of people continues to fight against those who would try to destroy God’s truth.

Church Eras

Now let’s go to the book of Revelation. God has a lot to say about the continual in the vision He gave to John. Notice Revelation 2:25-26: “But that which ye have already hold fast till I come. And he that overcometh, and keepeth my works unto the end, to him will I give power over the nations.” Why do we have to keep holding on? That’s how we qualify!

Those who qualify receive great power from God. “And he shall rule them with a rod of iron; as the vessels of a potter shall they be broken to shivers: even as I received of my Father. And I will give him the morning star” (verses 27-28). The morning star is Jesus Christ! We are His Bride. God says He will give us this reward if we hold fast. God will surely see that we are amply rewarded.

“He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches” (verse 29). But how many of them do not hear? Just look at what happened to the next Church era.

“And unto the angel of the church in Sardis write; These things saith he that hath the seven Spirits of God, and the seven stars; I know thy works, that thou hast a name that thou livest, and art dead” (Revelation 3:1). That Church was raised up during the Middle Ages. But by the time Mr. Armstrong came on the scene in the 1930s, it was dead. The Sardis people would not accept truth! They thought they were righteous, but God says they were dead.

So God raised up another era through that one man—Herbert W. Armstrong. And that end-time Elijah was loyal from beginning to end. He never faltered. He restored all things. What a servant of God! He would not compromise. Look at what one man can do.

God wants more effort from each one of us. He wants more from you. God is about to give us power over the nations. We have a big job to do. One person can do some tremendous things if he just relies on the power of God.

Notice what God prophesied about the Philadelphia era of His Church—the era in which Mr. Armstrong restored all things. “And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write; These things saith he that is holy, he that is true, he that hath the key of David, he that openeth, and no man shutteth; and shutteth, and no man openeth; I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name”—or authority (verses 7-8). Mr. Armstrong didn’t deny God’s government. He restored all things!

The word Philadelphia means brotherly love. God was able to build so much through that Work because of how unified its supporters were. God wants His Church to be close, because we are family and because of what He needs that family to do. God’s Family is the solution to the world’s problems. This world needs to see a loving family—people who will die for each other, not kill each other! We cannot just talk about love—we have to show it—live by it. We have to set the example for the people of this world—show them how to love each other, how to pray together, how to rear their children.

If we love each other the way God says we should, it will get us through anything. Are we too sophisticated to get as close as God wants His Family to be?

Notice in verse 8 that God says He has set before us an “open door.” That is the daily. God keeps opening doors today, but most do not walk through them. Our battle is to make sure we do not separate ourselves from the open door, the daily. How do we do that? This is where this godly love comes in. First we must love God and His Work above everything else. Why does God love this Work so much? Because He really loves this world. If we love it as much as He does, we will deliver the daily. That is what this world needs to solve its problems.

Why does Satan attack this Work with such wrathful rage? Because he knows what people will do if they really listen to this message: They will believe it.

“Behold, I will make them of the synagogue of Satan, which say they are Jews, and are not, but do lie; behold, I will make them to come and worship before thy feet, and to know that I have loved thee” (verse 9). There is a group of people on this Earth that God really loves. They have God’s government. God says He will force all of these dissenting groups that have rejected Mr. Armstrong’s teachings to come back and know that He has loved His very elect. In fact, God will make the whole world know that He loved us. Then we will show them how to love each other.

Isn’t it easy to act like we have love? That’s phony love. God wants us to prove our love to Him and to each other by accepting His government. That’s what the subject is about right here in verse 9—God’s government. Satan knows that, so what do you suppose he destroys first of all? Satan had a synagogue inside the Church of God dedicated to destroying God’s government! That’s how Satan gets people to transgress. He destroys God’s government.

Where is God’s government on this Earth? There is only one place. The government in God’s true Church is the same government that will rule the Earth and the universe for all eternity! I’m talking about something big! It will keep right on growing forever and ever. Where is this daily? Where is this government?

This is what the battle is all about in Daniel 8 and 11. Government is everything. If we lose that, we lose it all. Without God’s government, we will not go through the open door.

“Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me” (verse 20). Christ is on the outside knocking on the Laodiceans’ door. But who is He using to knock? Where is His government on this Earth? We need to know.

The Value of Revelation

Let’s move ahead to Revelation 10. Notice verse 6: “And sware by him that liveth for ever and ever, who created heaven, and the things that therein are, and the earth, and the things that therein are, and the sea, and the things which are therein, that there should be time no longer”—or “no more delay,” as it is translated in the Revised Standard Version. But when were events ever delayed? Mr. Armstrong wrote in 1984: “So Revelation 10 shows that when our work appeared to be close to finished more than a decade ago, God held up world events,and I was commissioned now to go with the Kingdom message to many kings or many nations and speaking different languages. That is what, as I now look back, I have been doing especially since 1972.” Mr. Armstrong knew that God had delayed world events.

But now we are in the time of the little book, and there is no more delay. Events are moving along at lightning-quick speed. The United States is still a strong military power in the world, but it is about to collapse. And Revelation 10 shows that it is all tied to a little book with a thunderous message! We must get the daily out to the world. We are reaching a lot of people because God, in His love, is warning people of what is about to happen.

If we are doing our job, we don’t have to worry about physical events. We need to worry about our spiritual understanding. God has given us so much revelation. He is telling us what will happen. There is no time to worry about physical things. There is no more delay.

“And I went unto the angel, and said unto him, Give me the little book. And he said unto me, Take it, and eat it up; and it shall make thy belly bitter, but it shall be in thy mouth sweet as honey. And I took the little book out of the angel’s hand, and ate it up; and it was in my mouth sweet as honey: and as soon as I had eaten it, my belly was bitter” (verses 9-10). When God gives revelation, eat it up and let it direct your life. We have to really digest all of this. God has given us so much revelation that it is hard to keep up with it. Yet, still, there are some few who find time to study poisonous literature and neglect what God has revealed to us. If you do not understand the importance of what God has given us, something is not right!

We must realize the value of revelation. It comes from the mind of God. He wants His revelation drilled into our minds. He wants us to eat it up and digest it. How else could we deliver this message? Digesting this message dramatically changes the way we act.

“And he said unto me, Thou must prophesy again before many peoples, and nations, and tongues, and kings” (verse 11). Here we see a new work. We have to do it again!

“And there was given me a reed like unto a rod: and the angel stood, saying, Rise, and measure the temple of God, and the altar, and them that worship therein” (Revelation 11:1). There was no physical temple when John wrote this. He’s talking spiritually. God wants to know if we will be measured by Christ. If we are to measure the Laodiceans, we must first measure ourselves.

“But the court which is without the temple leave out, and measure it not; for it is given unto the Gentiles: and the holy city shall they tread under foot forty and two months” (verse 2). Those who will not be measured will be punished in the Great Tribulation.

The Church and the Dragon

“And there appeared a great wonder in heaven; a woman clothed with the sun, and the moon under her feet, and upon her head a crown of twelve stars” (Revelation 12:1). Here is a woman, the Church of God, clothed with the sun.

“And she being with child cried, travailing in birth, and pained to be delivered. And there appeared another wonder in heaven; and behold a great red dragon, having seven heads and ten horns, and seven crowns upon his heads” (verses 2-3). Revelation 12 mentions 1) the Church of God and 2) the great red dragon that has seven heads and 10 horns. Is there any doubt about where our opposition comes from?

Satan the devil is this great red dragon. Historically he has used a political-religious union in Europe—the Holy Roman Empire—to wreak havoc on the whole world. But don’t forget who is the archenemy of this dragon. It is God’s Church. In the very near future, you will see the blood of God’s people, and a lot of other people, spilled all over this Earth because of a great false church.

That’s what the abomination of desolation is all about. This is what it is all leading up to. It’s a confrontation between God’s people and the devil. And the fight is over the daily. Any place you find the daily, you will find Satan there trying to destroy it. God lets Satan war against the Church to help us qualify for positions of rule.

“And to the woman were given two wings of a great eagle, that she might fly into the wilderness, into her place, where she is nourished for a time, and times, and half a time, from the face of the serpent” (verse 14). Daniel and John are the only two biblical writers who wrote about the Tribulation in this way. At the same time that the Laodiceans have their power completely shattered, God says He will deliver His faithful remnant to its place. This is the same message as we read in Daniel 12:11.

Words or Blood

“And the sixth angel poured out his vial upon the great river Euphrates; and the water thereof was dried up, that the way of the kings of the east might be prepared” (Revelation 16:12). The Russians and Chinese will destroy most of the beast power. Request our free booklet Russia and China in Prophecy, which explains this in greater detail.

“And I saw three unclean spirits like frogs come out of the mouth of the dragon, and out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet” (verse 13). This is an ugly picture. We are up against perverted demons. Do you see why people who turn against the daily become so bitter?

“Behold, I come as a thief. Blessed is he that watcheth, and keepeth his garments, lest he walk naked, and they see his shame” (verse 15). God has clothed us with the sun. There is no excuse for us to be naked. But we will end that way if we stop watching and fail to keep what God has given us.

“And he gathered them together into a place called in the Hebrew tongue Armageddon” (verse 16). Here we see this European army rising on the scene—a political force that will soon be guided by the great false church. God says He will gather these armies, along with the Asiatic hordes, in Armageddon and then bring them down to Jerusalem where they will fight against Christ. And it will get so bad that the Valley of Jehoshaphat will fill up with blood to the horses’ bridles—a river of blood!

Then man will begin to get the message. It’s either words or blood. God is preparing to rule this Earth, and this is the only way He can save mankind.

There are those in God’s own Church who have rejected these prophecies just as they are about to come to pass. Satan has done a masterful job at deceiving most of God’s people.

The Fifth Kingdom

Let’s conclude this study back in the book of Daniel. How will all of this end? “And in the days of these kings shall the God of heaven set up a kingdom, which shall never be destroyed: and the kingdom shall not be left to other people, but it shall break in pieces and consume all these kingdoms, and it shall stand for ever” (Daniel 2:44). This is something that will last forever. God will have His own kings and priests there. He won’t leave it to anyone else. He has selected His troops—His officers. And He will use them to rule the world.

Daniel 7 likens the four world-ruling empires of man’s history to four dreadful beasts, the fourth beast the most terrible of all (Daniel 7:7). But notice where it leads. “I beheld till the thrones were cast down, and the Ancient of days did sit, whose garment was white as snow, and the hair of his head like the pure wool: his throne was like the fiery flame, and his wheels as burning fire” (verse 9). This is our future!

“I Daniel was grieved in my spirit in the midst of my body, and the visions of my head troubled me. I came near unto one of them that stood by, and asked him the truth of all this. So he told me, and made me know the interpretation of the things. These great beasts, which are four, are four kings, which shall arise out of the Earth. But the saints of the most High shall take the kingdom, and possess the kingdom for ever, even for ever and ever” (verses 15-18). We have often referred to the four world-ruling kingdoms that Satan has ruled over throughout history. But it is the fifth Kingdom that will never die!

God is trying and testing us now as never before so that we can qualify for that fifth Kingdom. It’s about a world-ruling empire. Today, as men fight and struggle to gain control of the Earth, God says to those who remain faithful to the end, All that these men fight for, I will give to you.

“And the kingdom and dominion, and the greatness of the kingdom under the whole heaven, shall be given to the people of the saints of the most High, whose kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and all dominions shall serve and obey him” (verse 27). We will be right there ruling with the Most High.

“Hitherto is the end of the matter. As for me Daniel, my cogitations much troubled me, and my countenance changed in me: but I kept the matter in my heart” (verse 28). This is the end of the matter! There will never be another opportunity like this for the people of God. We are doing the daily in the end time, just before Christ returns to this Earth. What a time to be alive!

When the Roman Empire swept through Jerusalem in a.d. 70, it had never experienced such fanatical resistance from a small band of people. That’s because the Jews believed the prophecies of Daniel—they thought the Messiah was coming then. And that filled them with hope and courage. It filled Rome with rage! The Romans were determined to destroy every Jew in Jerusalem because they knew they had to stamp out the idea that the Messiah is coming!

If you really believe that the Messiah is coming, you will be one fierce warrior! If you really believe this—if you have eaten it up and digested it—you will be one tough Christian. You will fight like no warrior has ever fought. People will marvel, What is it that makes him fight like that? And if that doesn’t motivate others now—if that doesn’t turn many to righteousness now—it will in the World Tomorrow. Then they will know what it was that motivated us. They will see how it changed us and made us a different kind of people.

The Messiah is coming. Now is the time for us to seize the moment and fight for God’s truth! We will never have another opportunity like this for all eternity!

[thepinkseat-askthemoonbunny]

My responses to some Dumbledore hating douche on another forum. His comments and the comments of the Dumbledore fan he was replying to are in bold, mine are in italics. I added on some things to my responses as I was typing from here, but it’s mostly copied from my reply on that other forum. Y’all, this guy’s quotes about Dumbledore literally pissed me off so much I couldn’t let it slide bro, I just couldn’t. Now this isn’t all of that person’s post but it is everything I responded to. WARNING, SUPER LONG POST!

Dumbledore made it quite clear that Harry was to grow up without magic.

He had no legal or moral authority to make that decision. Magic was part of Harry's heritage and DD had no right to keep it from him (or any other magical).

He didn’t keep it from him though, he found out when he was eleven like any other Muggle-born. Anyway it’s GOOD Harry didn’t know or we’d have an Obscurial on our hands. And here we go, talking about morals again

.He stressed how important it was to keep Harry away from magic and shield him from the fame that he would have received.

Didn't do much good now did it. He still received a ton of fame (even is Surrey, as evidenced by the wizard to bowed to him in a shop) and was ill prepared to deal with it because he spent his formative years in Durzkaban. Placing him with a good wizarding family would have helped him deal with his fame.

Yeah, and placing him with a “good wizarding family” would’ve helped Harry’s ass DIE a lot quicker too. Durzkaban? Who came up with that.

There were good intentions behind dropping him off at the Dursley's doorstep.

If you believe that, you'll believe any line of bull. DD was conditioning his child soldier cum martyr by keeping him isolated, unloved, and actively abused. That way he wouldn't form deep attachments that would prevent him from eating an AK on command.

Congratulations DD, you're an ISIS/cult leader.

NO THE FUCK HE ISN’T! AND THIS THEORY NEEDS TO DIE!  We have literally no evidence to support this, none at all. We have no evidence to prove that Dumbledore wanted Harry to be abused. However, we DO have ample evidence that the blood protection exists, Quirrellmort, Voldemort taking his blood, the protection shielding everyone during the Battle, and not to mention Harry coming back to life. And no deep attachments, honestly? Sirius, Remus, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, the Weasley family. Need I go on? Anyway that would be dumb because Harry knows who put him at the Dursleys. He could've hated Dumbledore just as easily.

And I think you misread my post, I never said there were no negative effects on Harry, because of course there are. I was merely making a point that the Dursley's treatment really helped prepare him for the next five years of isolation and cruelty. You can't deny that.

I can and do deny that. Aside from it being morally wrong and criminal to knowingly place a child in an abusive environment, it was abysmally stuipid. Voldemort grew up in almost the same sort of environment (thanks to DD at that) and look how he turned out. Dumb-as-a-door risked creating another Dark Lord rather than a Savior/martyr

Now I do deny that abuse=preparation. But everything else, hell no!  Voldemort wasn't abused though! He wasn't, and I don't know where people are getting this from because nothing in the books suggests that he was. Also it wouldn't be Dumbledore's fault anyway even if he was, because he wasn't headmaster at the time so he wasn't the one sending him back.

Wait a minute, are you comparing these people (terrorists) to Dumbledore?

Absolutely.

Adolf Hitler wiped out millions of Jews. He was a racist.

So was DD. He came from a racist family (per his history) and was the lover of the magical Hitler (Grindlewald). DD's favorite phrase was in fact coined by Grindlewald. The only difference between them is that Grindlewald advocated direct violence and brute force while DD favors manipulation as a weapon. BOTH wanted dictatorial rule.

He hated the Jews and blamed everything on them. Saddam Hussein executed loads of people because he believed he had to rule with an iron fist. Al Qaeda is an extremist group who has extremist ideas in the name of religion.

Again, manipulation vs direct violence. Same end result: a world under the rule of HIS idea of how things should be.

Dumbledore did NOT come from a racist family! His mother was a Muggle-born, and his father only attacked those Muggles because they permanently traumatized his daughter. Completely justified in my opinion. And Dumbledore WAS in love with Grindelwald but they weren't LOVERS, JKR says this. Just because you love somebody doesn't mean you're like them. And just because your family was racist doesn’t mean you are! Sirius, anybody?! It wasn't Dumbledore's favorite phrase, Dumbledore didn't use that phrase once in the series, not once. Only in a letter written a hundred years ago. And yeah, Dumbledore wanted to rule the world as a young man but he didn't try to take over the world since then, he had a hundred years and could've done it but he didn't so I think that speaks for him. He didn't even really manipulate people, it's not like he took away their free will. Yeah he was manipulative but in the end the choices were theirs.

I don't even have to say why comparing Dumbledore to the terrorists is totally and completely wrong. They did it because they wanted to remake the world in their own image or gain power, Dumbledore did what he did to, I dunno...STOP PEOPLE FROM BEING MASS MURDERED! So whatever manipulation he supposedly used as a weapon, I really don't care about. It worked didn't it? 

Yes, sometimes he did things and made decisions there weren't morally right.

"Sometimes" as in all the time.

No bitch, he did ONE really morally questionable thing and that was leaving Harry with the Dursleys.

Yes, he lied to Harry.

And abused him by sending him to Durzkaban. And kept him isolated and alone to psychologically break him to he would martyr himself. And a host of other things. And that's just Harry. He betrayed the entire Order by posting them as guards at the Ministry over a prophecy which could only be removed by either Harry or Voldemort and which therefore did not need guarding.

And lets not forget not doing anything to help Sirius, either before he escaped prison or afterwards. Or never actually doing anything to help the wizarding underclass (muggleborn, werewolves, house elves, et). Refusing to act for the genuine good where action is needed is just as bad as doing bad acts.

I already explained why the whole psychological thing is complete and utter bullshit.  Never mind that JK Rowling herself says that he used his power to try to better conditions for the marginalized, Hermione has said it and so have several people. He helped Hagrid, Remus, Dobby and others when he didn't even have to. He tried to keep Sirius safe in his old house, I think that's helping him. And no it's not! Just because somebody can't stop a bad situation doesn't make them the same as the one causing it. I already explained why the abuse theory is wrong, again we have no proof of this.

But he did struggle with those things.

So he claims, if you believe him. As many lies as he told I wouldn't believe him if he told me the time without checking a clock fir

Where are all these lies he supposedly told? Hm? Where? Assuming that every word somebody says is a lie is called paranoia.

I find that sometimes in order to be a good leader, you have to be shrewd.

That's a synonym for "abusive manipulation" I've never seen before.

No, it’s not. Being shrewd is not the same as abuse. Again, paranoia.

But it says NOTHING of who you are. Neither does it define you.

On the contrary, it says a great deal about who you are.

And whatever wrong he did do, he regretted them.

Well bully for him. Doesn't bring back the dead or undo all the evil things he did.

He wanted to keep the wizarding world safe and the people alive.

The ends do not justify the means

"The ends do not justify the means." They totally do. In my opinion, if the whole entire freaking world is in danger and everyone is going to be wiped out, you do what you have to do to stop it. Morals be damned. Dumbledore was the perfect commander, the only really morally questionable he did was the Dursleys and that's already been explained. Because morality doesn't mean shit if you're not alive to act on those morals. What's the most immoral thing, letting millions of people die, or getting your hands a little dirty? I know which one I'm thinking. When stopping mass genocide, morals don't matter. You don't have time to think about what's the most moral thing to do, it's a matter of life or death. "Doesn't bring back the dead?" The dead aren't Dumbledore's responsibility and there weren't even that many of them. Also what are all these evil acts he supposedly committed? Dumbledore isn't some evil monster, far from it. JKR didn't even write him that way. People just tend to exaggerate what he supposedly did to make him worse looking, but I don't buy it. You claim that he lies constantly, what's the proof? Dumbledore doesn't lie that much. We have no reason to believe he's lying and just assuming that every word somebody utters is a lie is paranoia. Now we all have our different opinions, but almost all of this has no evidence to back it up.

[weekendwarriorblog]

30 Minute Experiment: Evil #30ME

Okay, let’s do this. DiBlasio is not saying anything that I need to hear. Muting him and putting on some music while I do today’s #30ME.  Part of this challenge was to prove to myself that I could write about any topic, and very early on, I put it out there that I would write about whatever was thrown my way.

Today’s topic of “Evil” was suggested to me by my good friend, David Spaltro, although I have a long list of possible topics and all of the 7 deadly sins were listed on there. I thought it would be interesting if I could sit down for 30 minutes and just write about “Sloth” or “Envy” or “Greed” and see what comes out of that.

Because “Evil” was already on the list, I knew I would have to get to it eventually, but it also seemed like one of those loaded topics that would lead brilliantly into one of my non-sensical rants (like the one I produced yesterday.)  Again, the idea is to take a topic, start a 30 minute timer and then start writing with no outline, no preconceived idea of what I’m going to write, etc. 

One of the reasons “Evil” could be a loaded topic is because it obviously could lead to a full blown rant about, say, President Donald Trump, who many of my friends consider “evil,” and yet, he certainly doesn’t line up with my own notions about what is “evil.” 

To even start discussing this topic, I feel like the term “evil” needs to be defined very clearly and to the most minute detail, since there really should be binary decide on whether someone or something is “evil” or “just very bad.”  Mind you, I’ve read a lot of comics in my day, and anyone who knows me even slightly knows that I tend to gravitate towards the bad guys. It’s not that I see them as role models or inspirations or anything like that, but I feel that they make for far more interesting characters in any sort of fiction.

It’s true in comics, it’s true in books and it’s true in movies. It’s why Christoph Waltz and Javier Bardem won their Oscars, because they were so good at playing bad guys and at being “evil” that they ended up being the most memorable parts of the movies in which they appeared and were honors.  Granted, if you dared to ask Waltz about playing a “good” or “bad guy,” you’re likely to receive one of his many rants, since he hates being lumped into one category even when it’s obvious his characters in certain movies (like Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds) is obviously evil.

Part of the problem with the idea of someone being “evil” is that few truly evil people would ever think of themselves as evil by any definition. The people who do things solely because they want to be thought of as “evil” are more likely sociopaths or flat-out psychopaths and maybe somewhere in their mind, they feel they have to do the actions which are deemed “evil.”

I could certainly take a few examples of people who have been painted as evil. Is OJ Simpson evil? Sure, despite getting off from the original trial, to most people, he killed his ex-wife and a waiter at a restaurant, so does that make him evil? It would make him a murderer and probably some level of sociopath but if he did do it, he has somehow in his mind made the decision that a.) He didn’t do it and b.) at a much deeper level, he must have thought that his reasoning for murdering two people was sound that he might get away with it.

Is Bill Cosby evil cause he drugged and raped many women? Sure. Doing something like that certainly could be seen as evil and there’s absolutely no way to forgive him for such actions, although he also did a lot of good things in his career and inspired so many people. Same can be said about Michael Jackson and others who have done unmistakably unforgivable actions. But are they truly “Evil”? 

And yes, can we even consider Donald Trump “Evil” because he regularly lies and does absolutely awful things that right now are leading to thousands of deaths? There’s a lot of things Trump is... a xenophobe, an idiot, a liar, an arrogant blowhard, and lots more... but do all these things lead up to someone being evil? In this case, it feels more like he’s just been blinded by his own delusions of self-grandeur that he feels like he can say or get away with anything and not have to deal with any repercussions. I mean, the stuff Trump has done is on the level of some of Lex Luthor’s biggest evil plots in the comic books. (Does anyone remember when Lex became President?) But it’s hard to think that Trump is outright “evil” because he’s not waking up every morning and thinking, “How can I kill every single American?” which would definitely be evil. No, he thinks he’s doing what’s best for America by using his xenophobe to keep out anyone who might steal jobs or commit acts of terrorism. So there is an inherent and hugely flawed idea of his actions having some good behind them. 

But yeah, to those who have lost their lives and family or been deported to places where they surely will be killed, Trump’s actions and those that follow his orders are evil. Trump has been compared to Hitler, who actually was outright evil if there ever was evil in human form in the real world. He literally probably woke up every day thinking of how to kill every Jew on the planet and he managed to get others to think the same way. THAT IS EVIL.

Yes, a lot of evil acts have been committed thinking that it’s what Trump has wanted all along, and he’s done nothing to dissuade such actions, but this may be more because there are a lot of actual evil people out there who see the new President as a role model pushing them to commit their heinous crimes.

Listen, I said very early on that I didn’t want to solely focus on Trump and “is he or isn’t he evil?” so maybe I’ll use the last 11 minutes of today’s experiment to try to determine, “What is Evil?” (Sadly, this hasn’t been covered in the Disney+ series “Forky Asks a Question”?)

I think if your first thought when you wake up to when you go to be is, “I want to kill people today” or “How can I get everything I want today without worrying about others?” (that’s a big one) or even that Joker classic from The Dark Knight about “wanting to see the world burn” -- another good example of an actor displaying true evil on screen -- then yes, you may be evil. 

I think the big problem with the minds of people who are truly evil is that there’s probably a switch in all of our brains that we work so hard to keep on the right side of what we consider good or evil, and the strain for some to do good sometimes impedes the awareness that the switch has been on the other side for so long that they missed it. Or even the idea that the whole thought of good and evil is so skewed in their brain compared to other “normal people” that they are not even aware that what they’re doing, whether it’s lying or stealing or outright murder is indeed bad and yes, evil.

Because of this I’m not really sure there’s a way to stop evil outright putting someone in solitary confinement away from other people for the rest of their lives. It’s where most evil people in fiction end up (if not outright dead) but I think that even the greatest psychologist on the planet would have a tough time actually reforming someone who is evil. This may be why so many people on the planet have no problems with the death penalty or the executions done in other countries. Although there are so many third world despots who are actively killing people for other reasons than punishment and that surely can be deemed evil.

Again, I didn’t want to make this all about Trump, but there has to be an invisible line where once he crosses that line, he is officially evil on the level of some of those despots such as Hitler, Idi Amin, North Korea’s despotic Kim family, etc. I don’t think cutting off immigration is that act/line although it really pissed a lot of Americans off, and for very good reason. 

Since I only have about 3 minutes left, i probably can’t go off on another rant about that (as I have on Twitter) but I do feel that when someone thinks of others as “evil,” they really need to look into their own minds and hearts of what they consider evil before declaring such as fact. (It’s one of the biggest problems of “cancel culture”... someone does or says something that doesn’t connect with other’s mind sets and they’re immediately deemed “evil,” which if you think about it, is kind of insane.) I said early on that this was gonna be a loaded topic, and I’m sure it’s one that i can write more about even if I don’t think I fully encapsulated my thoughts on the topic in this relatively short period of time. It’s one of those topics that really requires a lot more thought and planning, for sure, but time is up, so that’s all for today... thanks for reading!

[benajahccjoseph]

from gods slit wrist

  Halogen Incense

  Daddy stopped when he left her car seat on the roof.

She was born into it. Early she saw everyone was born similarly  She lived in horror at the world’s endless supply of heretics.

  Consuming confusion was brilliant in her entrance. A blinding that you tried to look through. The star, the yesteryear, the livid hopes; all under her banner. She entered stage center, dazzled and smiled the smile of small deaths and caught breath. Mississippi. A single precious tear from Gods face, a single drop of blood from Gods slit wrist, dropped in th mud. Seemed the whole state was confused, she never understood that. How was all a God’s country so turned around? Sometimes she thought maybe it was in her eyes.

  They were catching a bus Daddy said, but she didn’t figure as much. She held his hand, comforting him. Our Lady of Perpetual Grace was passed without so much as a spit. Daddy wouldn’t look at it. Catholics. Mostly we called em the harlot. She knew what a harlot was. She’d been one.

  Grady was supposed to be around Carthage. Hard boys up there, Momma said. Last time he was around he gave Momma some of his teeth. They were always doing that type of thing. They hugs was long uns.

  Katherine Robertine Elizabeth Toter-Cobb. We was all flummoxed by such a regal name. Mama has some history attached to it but she only showed us the peeking corners and dirty obscurities.

Momma stole books and burned them after ‘eating’ them. She’d whisper that it felt like eating anyway.  She’d say this every time. Perhaps these were only time she wasn’t listing. Momma believed in divine winds. She wouldn’t ever fight em. She wanted a hero, so bad. Her favorites were the ones who died at the end. Nothing confusing about that.

  Katy-Rob they called her. Daddy called Momma pretentious. Or pretty contentious. It was one of the only times she looked at him with love. I magine she thought it witty. I know I did. After that look she went on to the pharmacy and Daddy went to buy tickets.   I caught up to her looking real intent on some new tennis shoes on this dude with a Cat hat n’ those damn sequined jeans.

Know when you gaze up and on a thing…cher, you change it?

I know that mama.

Oh youre so erudite, you.

What?

Momma was Acadian and though she was supposed to be so smart she talked just like everyone else, cept kinda dumber for that couy’on shit. In every picture I every saw of her she was showing her long white teeth, like she was trying to sell something. Later I came to see she was trying to prove to the world she wasn’t poor.

Id seen Mama do some sketchy shit, some wicked shit…one time she rented Grady out for 3 months. Stabbed a girl in Germantown outside a Memphis because she was too high. In the heat of demon attack mama looked sinistral, eyes seemed almost all black and shadows moved about her profile like they was alive. Face would be all fucked up. I hated looking at her like that. You just wanted to put yourself inbetween her and that.

I wote a poem for her. She loved to dance. Long lines a sweat in every right place. Everyone looked at her when she was dancing… like they everyone wanted to hump ’er…momma had dat juju.

We leak through the clicks you clock and mourn for the rocks we see carried about Demure with reverence but cannot rationalize just feel within as we all watch our loved ones spin to try and place an eye on the thing That produces the suffering and in this spinning habitual it metastasized into ritual and the dance in its ignorance is beautiful lenocinant sinistral

and i wish we could all be still

    “Feet pue tan, mi amor”

Mama don’t cuss. Never would.

I loved lines like that. The whole lot of us lived on that line.

    There wasn’t ever gonna be any bus, and she was startlingly not shamed by his lie. Heretics. Small feet kicked at a Fanta Orange. Katy-Rob couldn’t be sure if they was black or dirty so she looked up a bit. Confusing who was proper and who wasn’t. She’d heard some ministers ministerin’ on keeping birds with birds and cows with cows.

  She wanted to scratch when she itched but she never did.

  Holed up at the non-denominational she took a moment to do her 4th dailies while she watched the transactions. Time and money for peace of mind, she knew there was no equanimity in that purchase for how can you sell somin inside the body. Only time she felt that was in the rock and roll church’s, that precious theater inside her heart singing out the most amazing dance numbers. Gold and purple feelings. Like Mamma’s Tigers.

  Bus trip in the none-to-crisp suit pocket, they stayed for the Wed. prayer meetin. “Lord, clarity!?” is all she heard.

She let em. In her mind she wouldn’t say any of them words, though she knew em all. Not anymore. School want ever much of an option. She imagined she’d gone some 86 days counting Sunday school. Down in Delta Daddy drove the pickers and Momma would help her people at the gin. She guessed they also make juniper liquor, but she had never seen anybody so much as talking too much.

  Usually she let em. Long as Grady wasn’t in the county or parish.

      Carthage

  Inside of the pain management clinic Momma wagged a smidgen more than usual.

  The Cave. Yeah she felt like she understood what that peasant man had been on about. Inside of her the beasts walked behind her eyes projecting outward before the flame. Spirit. It was in there, everyone cept the great harlot believed that, maybe the Jews too.

The connection with the nebulous. A shadow moving over the death waters. Spirit. All of us believed in it, we just didn’t know what it did exactly. People loved to say ‘god-bless’ or ‘Lord have mercy’ without any effect registerin’. To my mind that just made it a cuss word.

  She loved the swamp. Would try and draw it out on some papers she kept in a plastic sack. She would rub the expensive paper between her fingers and something stirred.  The cicadas song was richer there, the air tugged back, weightier somehow. She felt like her house would one day be in the swamp, clapboard painted green with mesh to keep out the critters but not else.

    It sounded like a side of deboned meat being hit with a Louisville slugger, he’d been there and few people went around with bats. Guns mainly. Breaking his hand had been a salvation. He thought he’d found religion but he’d found instead a boy from Colombia. Alerts rang. Grady felt drugs were a last option. Open but last on line. Everyone he grew up with said “in line” but Grady was careful with his mastery of what he considered the only separation betwixt man and dog.

Manfreid Israel Romele was Russian. Perhaps German. Older. Beautiful. Cement blonde. How is a fighter so beautiful? Grady knew.

Smoldering halogen incense prayed for them. Pissing on the carhood altar.

The boy was a fucking nightmare. Glowed. Darkness. He’d seen it before. Everything was loose when he prayed, like the boy standing feet away, steam roiling off of his neck, with “Molon Labe” tatted across the front of his windpipe, where he got hit 45 seconds later.

  The Chevelle was purple and Grady wouldn’t lean on it. Surrounding the Big Red Barn choking the purity of the moment were the ‘chickens’.   Grady had said, ”clucking foul” but his folk just spit out the gumbo. Grady did not respect a man who watched blood-sports.

  Ancient and comfortable. It was more than he could bear, of at time he would sit in the pot till he’d eatin it. A marvel of his power, kneeling on the commode in communion. Particles of hay and heat, cicada’s his private herald. Easy 220.   Easy. Against his knees fabric calmed his fingers, he thought of his sister; the smile closed. He thought of Teddy on his horse, the pompous, articulate fool.

  “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood…”

  So fucking obvious, like ham-in-hand. Natchitoches. Ham-in-Hand Festival 94. You could walk across the Sabine on boats, smells of the Cajun Microwave’s buried in the soft loam some 100 paces from the water. Whole hogs stuffed with chickens and doves. Grady wondered if dogs trusted smell the way humans subscribed to sight. It was over tween them and he should have seen it. Grady looked coldly at his need. Only the slightest of scowls. Chemicals he thought, chemicals and blips.

    He didn’t think it much, to go to war. He was plied with Mozi, Xenophon and 1st Chronicles 4:10 early. Daddy leaning over him and pointing to sketches momma had drawn to go with the Gideon Bible which was in constant circumlocution with others of its ilk. He always walked hunkered down, tied firmly to many things that were not tied to him.

She scuttled over the grooved Cyprus, kaleidoscope of man reduced, he saw her; languidly absorbing the violence to come. Beneath her impressive multi-spectacled visage was her load, atwitter. Looked of fine hairs in a sharp breeze, her brood beneath her belly. She leaned back as if to sit or box or pray, front legs circling in the direction of the bigger man’s dead face.

  Lawd have a way, boy you ready?

The man was a fat, suspender framing a whet shirt with nowhere to go came up on Grady’s boy Ara too fast.

Ok we ready?

Ill kill you ifin you don’t step back.

Things was tight, Grady knew all bout this here.

Aight then.

  Theys a bit a nonsense bout that bet?

No. Straight up.

Mine’ll be in money orda?

Ara’d get it after the fight now, cause I’ll be on my way, Briar Rabbit style, gros cul.

    Fat man took on a greasy bugger as backward he moved, “that man fittin to fuck you.”

Tingle. Mmmmmmm. Grady felt like Ehud preparing to assassinate the fat king Eglon of Moab.

Hear that Schvartze, eer dat fat man.

God give me a verse. He chewed a small hangnail.

Ha. He knew it. 2 Kings 9:20, 20 The watchman [a]reported, “He came even to them, and he did not return; and the driving is like the driving of Jehu the son of Nimshi, for he drives furiously.”

The Lord gave this verse a lot.

  Ehud and Jehu. Lawd have mercy son.

    This boy was car black, and it really aint right, that type a black. That sheen of purple that made Grady think of dinosaurs and that painter Turner. Give em almost like invisibility at night. And nobody wants that shit. It’s like that shine you can see you’re reflection in… but it gives pause cause it’s a black you staring back. How fucking mad you’d be.  Grady wouldn’t look at those shiny black cars, he even avoided dark purple.

Fat man giggled into his cerchief and sat down on a bale; he thought, looking toward the unimpressive white boy, that this’d be soon over.

  Grady prayed a bit, squatted and thought of something like a dwarf star painted on a canvas the side of the barn.

He knew the boy’d come over the top and heavy, he knew hed move left and the boy’d come in with a quick step and a lunge at his knees.   All the cat in that man was now cutting its way to the top. the breath was bull-like in intensity but shallow. The red rims mean he’s a drinker probably and he favored his left knee a bit. Grady felt sorry then. Sorry for his life and his momma, sorry for the man who was gonna try a kill him, sorry for the fat man who bet against his own kind, sorry that Mississippi water that he smelled on everything was growing less pungent.   Sorry God was real and poetry was to hang him. Sometimes things seeded afor birth ripen when they aint wanted. He always felt tears was fine where laughter was.

They drummed him out of the military for being too young. Sure at that time it would be the catalyst for a life riding the dark horse, he considered killing himself but didn’t. Grady’d look in the mirror most days to check and see if it was time.

    I read somewhere that poor people typically name their kids names like Unique, Kandy, Sherry and Amber. Later, I read somewhere that girls with some particular names wind up being hookers and dancers and in the porno’s. It bothered me it took two studies to not say that poor girls went to stripping a shade faster than rich ones. Academicians are so fucking stupid. Not only this but everyone knew that strippers changed their names. I thought then and think now I should be in charge of a hair more.

I guess I followed her around some.  I remember the taste of bubble-gum scented shampoo and her face.  We were protective of each other as should be expected.  Daddy woednt too much of a provider, nor a daddy.  I guess she burned out that wild streak cause she came back directly. “I wish I was in Dixie, hurrah hurrah In Dixie land Ill take my stand to live and die in Dixie. Oh way Oh way Oh way down south….. in Dixie.” She loved the word Dixie, long as I knew her though I believe she thought it more of a state of being, like glory or honor.  She may ah never known it was holding all our heads under water.  Grady knew all about it and loved it anyway.  Some things just don’t figure.  Soon as I could I got out. Not sure anyone else ever did, not really.

I remember him takin pictures of her holding onto a lit lighter and a squeeze bottle a lighter fluid. I remember when the men came in and he couldn’t protect us.  He tried.  Grady says, “tryin dyin.”

I read an article somewhere bad things happen to poorer people more often, it was more nuanced than that but that’s what I got. “Katy-Rob, bring us that phone.” “your cellular phone?” “We aint go no…little smart-alec.” She was always doin stuff like that.  I couldn’t ever figure who she was making fun of, Daddy or this Democratic Republic. Maybe Jonny Locke. Momma was a Rhodes Scholar, I do not know how.

    The slovenly way she met my laughter got her a lick. She called herself red velvet, not a nickname, her color. Said mamma was white as the driven snow cept a little Cocoa and a dash’a red food colorin. At a certain age I started realizing that I was gonna be mostly for myself, like my cousin Fay. I took to strippin like anybody’s business. First night in, this little Indian girl told me we do private parties, all naked. I couldn’t see much difference anyhow. It was illegitimate and the girls were indifferent to the men sucking on their titties and stuff. It just suited me fine.

  I told Grady that he was to keep my little sister outta my world. There was only room in Carthage for one Cobb stripper.

      The striker clicked down and something happened but it sure did not fire a round. White slipstream stepped quickly and quietly inside and hit the man with the gun in the throat. That noise is a thing. Everyone knew he’d done killed him. Grady remembered Niccki Bercham getting punched just so and dying. He guessed he coulda just knocked the gun away. Somewhere, someone was probably holding a little nigglet, waiting on daddy to call. It’d be a wait.

  There were eight Cobbs all said but they slithered off, most of em anyway, to Bama and Nam and Peru. Doesn’t matter too much because once they left sight of the Mississippi River, they was good as dead.

        Why’d they decide to try and kill him? Grady had a small warrant out on him that left the Boss little choice. That’s what I heard.

  Theys four of us around and we all came. Amber, Bo, Katy, and me. Grady stood up from a Shaker stool he loved.

Grady said they’d maybe come for one of us.

They got Katy Rob two nights later, sent in her fron tooth wit they diamond set in it. Fucked up but shed done talked about rippin it out her own self.

  Similies was supposed to be a real swanky joint but it was not. Owner by strategery has built a damn motel in the back. Lord have mercy, sulphur factory. I went to pills in the first month. Once you have gonna church and believe, shit gets real hard to do…after the first couple times anyway.

  Grady wasn’t blood related to all the girls and he knew to divide his attentions. You cant just go around fighting the whole wrestling team. Amber was neck-tatted and out from around at 14. Our older cousins had done some strippin down on the redneck riveria and I reckon it called her harder’n dope.

Katy took to the hard life too but came back to me and Daddy, Momma and her never cared to talk to one another. She came back quieter and only wore beige and grey. She wrote long letters to Amber and cried some but I would have had her cry all the time if’n she’d just stay.

  You’se too young buddy.

I knew you’d say that shit.,

Amber drove up in a fucking Infinity with something clanking under the jappy hood. I knew Grady wouldn’t even look at her, not even one time.

Amber and me gonna go talk to Joe-Block. See if we can figure something out.

  There wasn’t any reason to hate Grady for being what he was but I had me a weapon too.

I never knew a way to complete the things that others completed. I reckon I’m slow or I ain’t totally grown up yet.   Somin’. When I saw those men take Katy and beat Daddy, there was some sort of wet click and I seemed of a sudden to be able to see it all. The vast expanse and the precipitous nature of the wealthy and the bright. left us all killing each other over a double wide and an abortion.

  I watched myself, knowin somehow I had made a decision that was about being a man, about being a Cobb n’ a Toten but there wasn’t anything movie about it.  I stole a ladies cruiser out front a the Winn Dixie and played with myself all the way to Biloxi.  I felt greasy and popped a pimple on my back.  Somehow the Ruger felt lighter the further south we went, like it was becoming less offended by its own.

    I was in love with the purity of my little brother. He would never talk to me in front of other people but in private he asked after my girlfriends and me. Once I got a bit too graphic and he white’nd up so I was sure he was gonna kill me. I think he’s still a virgin at 24.

    I had made 1200. I have no damn clue where that fucking money is now. Jessie and I were working on a routine, she had this idea for a ‘concept piece’ with Moors and an allusion to the Hearst family but we just wound up kissing and smoking cigarettes till it was our turn.

They could see her now. More whispers to Letty, “This place gone turn out.”

“mmm”

“Im gone go bump th doe man and see if he got a piece.”

Letty smiled a ray of rancid rainbow.

5’1 or 5’3 he guessed. Wadnt no 5’2. Tatted up like her momma didn’t give a fuck. A little bump in his chest somewhere reminded him of another girl, another stripper, another piece of meat in the wily trades of men.

She caught his eye and may have winked, which sent Letty whom everyone called Lessy to the potty to laugh in the stall.

Men with huge dicks walk a bit different she whispered to a man sticking a 10 in her g. Lets the whole world who cares to know. The roxi’s in her were turning everything a little less than, like life was amped up but she was at regular speed.  She kept seeing > signs. In the glass of the bowl, in her reflective panties, in her eyes in the cracke john mirra. Pulling his head she thought momentarily of licking his ear but these was Halliburton boys, fresh oft the rig and in Hub City to be jackass’s but not to take a good shower.

When she threw up the front row moved toward anywhere that wasn’t there. Same time a rukus in the commode and a gunshot out the back.

  A week later a tall boy walks in and politely asks after Robert-Earl. No one really wanted to tell him.

Everything I did the hardest I ever done. I worked all my life with Daddy at whatever we was doing then so I always knowed I could throw a bale a bit harder than most. I was always taught to be polite even if they weren’t, so I thought Id just ask after Katys old boss. Figured with his lip Id go on ahead. His eye popped out with that first one, his ocular cavity crushed, and I walked toward the back looking at the mirrors for boys coming up on me. I know I punched some girls and I hope to high hell they aint no videotape a me but when it started in earnest it couldn’t be helped. I know one of em kissed me on the back of my neck while I was stomping on this colored boys. Heard later he got paralyzed some. Gottim a check anyway.

I learned that night why mama said them Carthage boys is hard. Robert-Earl. I had a drown his brother in front a him and it wernt no easy thing.

  Amocitea

Your Daddy aint gonna recognize you.

Still that little girl. When under all of it, peach flame tripped along at the word. She wanted so much for him to swoop, it was pure. A clean thing, her vision of Daddy just doing what all real animals did. Maybe he was too human.

That golden blanket that she just expected to keep on being, didn’t; and she stepped out really believing that they was gentlemen in this South, in this here state. One night looking deep in her own eyes while everyone elses in the room were on her crotch she realized that this southern thang was a crock. She spected Margaret Mitchell probably just cold wishin like every other Dixie brat split-tail. It was a precious pity that she thought in that manner, she thought…probably affecting her self-image or the like.

    She’s hurt I felt. Hurt people, hurt people but with such a swirlin tide, a man just got to decide when to jump in, not if.

  Once I heard that Grady involved everybody in his business, I knew I hadda get us outta town. I didn’t really think Momm’d come wit her doctors here and whatever else she was into. Since Id come back from the Wilderness I had taken to wearing full length skirts and not shaving. I know my flesh well and I knew that just like this skirt, I could put it back on rrrrrreeeeeaaaalllllly quick. And that’s the plan, back to the hotel to make us some money.

Half-way from the bus-stop to the club I thought just maybe I was being a bit drastic, but I cant remember what my next thought was after that.

  Bo adjusted the mirror on the 91 Olds to see if he’d indeed gotten dip on his collar. A birth canal in the back seat caused him to blink for a second longer than average. The strip-club owners Daddy used to be a Marine and it showed. Punching and biting his way out of the trunk into the car was a feat, Bo’d be the first to tell ya. He’d blindfolded, zip tied and hit the man with 75000 Watts but this Minotaur was now in the backseat. Fucking Carthaginians.

  They realized quick they’d done fucked up with this one. She prayed aloud all day long, was unfailingly polite and every chance she got she tried to kill em. Lessy had knocked her tooth out purely on accident but after he reckoned the diamond to be fake, he sent it on to the boss.  Almost all his spare time went to kittens. More had received some care from a witch the Dixie Mafia used for dogs. Little bitch had fought harder than any man ever would. In the end she’d ripped off a testicle and with that they put her in box.   She calmly told em she couldn’t breath.

  I hada shoot him through the seat and we wrecked. He was hurt even worse, so I lit a floor mat afire and ran off in the other directin than Angola, Fuck that, Daddy’d worked there as a guard for 3 days till they done found out he’d been in Parchman for vehicular homicide. Mamma said that great clouds a nephalim hung over those places. I couldn’t see them but I smelled em. Mamma and Katy-Rob always had eyes for that type of thing. Maybe they both lyin though.

I figured theyd run they dogs from around the car so I needed to get gone.

Did not like taken anything from white folks, I did not know how I was gonna pay for that ladies car I done wrecked but it’d get done. The little Kawasaki three wheeler cranked up nice and I left them my hunting license to show good faith.

  You aint gonna believe this shit.

Francis-Jean Prichideaux III really could have done without hearing another person say that. It seemed to preface every comment. As a boy he’d felt something akin to the feeling he had now when other nut-brown Acadian boy’s ud say, “Wanna see something…hold my beer.”

Nothing good eva come outta dem type a commentary’s.

What?

Claudius came over with a note. Says here that Similies had another big da-doo.

Whan?

Last night.

  Itd been 2 weeks since they colored boys come up in that terrible place and Blanc Bebbette got taken, now what dis shit?

Dixie Mafia used for dogs. Little bitch had fought harder than any man ever would. In the end she’d ripped off a testicle and with that they put her in box.   She calmly told em she couldn’t breath. More heard, “I feel free.” thought long and hard about that medicine Melodina gave him, the plan was he was, of a time, to go back. ER out the wustion. She told him he could still sire a brood, if he chose.

  Right now the chose was in nose. That moment, eternal, universal, when you know for certain that thing are bout to get lit.

  I hada shoot him through the seat and we wrecked. He was hurt even worse, so I lit a floor mat afire and ran off in the other directin than Angola, Fuck that, Daddy’d worked there as a guard for 3 days till they done found out he’d been in Parchman for vehicular homicide. Mamma said that great clouds a nephalim hung over those places. I couldn’t see them but I smelled em. Mamma and Katy-Rob always had eyes for that type of thing. Maybe they both lyin though.

I figured theyd run they dogs from around the car so I needed to get gone.

Did not like taken anything from white folks I did not know how I was gonna pay for that ladies car I done wrecked but it’d get done. The little Kawasaki three wheeler cranked up nice and I left them my hunting license to show good faith.

      You aint gonna believe this shit.

Francis-Jean Prichideaux III really could have done without hearing another person say that. It seemed to preface every comment. As a boy he’d felt something akin to the feeling he had now when other nut-brown Acadian boy’s ud say, “Wanna see something…hold my beer.”

Nothing good eva come outta dem type a commentary’s.

What?

Claudius came over with a note. Says here that Similies had another big da-doo.

Whan?

Last night.

  Itd been 2 weeks since them colored boys come up in that terrible place and Blanc Bebbette got taken, now what dis shit? Least he didn’t have any crackers around to be yapping about…”oh what now you gonna do colored ssherrff”

  The problem we have with God honey is related to expectations and not based in the hard VERITAS of life. See here, what happens when youo to church?

I listen to the preacher

Right, sure but when you’re singing a good Hallelujah song. Or something real once make you cry every time. That jut Him leeting us know that we are cared for.s like that one goes, “Lord You are more precious than silver…

Lord You are more costly than gold.

Together, “Lord You are more beautiful than diamonds.

And nothing I desire compares to You.”

Lord, honey you have a voice like angel blast-furnace. When you get that deep purple swell….

Purple and Gold.

Yesssa, and that is the real thing and it is a thing that belongs in this world yet has a hand fully in the next. But what you looking for there is that feeling to keep on keepin on.

Yessir.

But it don’t.

No.

Is that Gods problem or yours?

I feel like sometimes it is Him.

Cause you just go home and go straight to sinning.

And I wonder why in all His Greatness, I just can’t get a little help in that department.

But you care don’t ya?

I care a great deal.   I expect it’s my conscience.

Yes. But a conscience ain’t a stopper, it’s just a fuse light indicator.

So then where’s the stopper?

That’s the catch.

Meaning its all up to me.

Honey, you ever look at a real life hero?

Maybe Rooster Carley?

Hmm. Ain’t none. He died 2000 years ago, therebouts. Now we just hunker down. Oh you gone sin.   I’m gone sin. Yo Mamma, Lawd have a way. Its not about ‘not doin’ its about accepting your place in grace.

My place in grace.

  From behind him mamma stepped, lightly, elegant specter. White on white on white, yet the air hovered lightly around it as if mistrusting. Mama’s essence was rebellion. Born with a dead twin boy, she lay never crying once in granny’s arms. Said she wouldn’t look nobody in the eye. They was alarmed from the get go. Mamma was said to have spent some of her teen years in Walnut Gove. She supposed to have found God in there, in the gladiator school. Once when she came home to the Shady Acres #3 after being out for a minute, she took me and we sat behind the dumpster; she told me about the first love of her life while she smoked up a cool bill a rock. Some people get all crazy scared of people on hard drugs, like they got special powers or summin. I ain’t but but a buck and change and I’m telling you I have cold knocked fuckers out who go too close. It’s best just to warn white folks up front, but when mamma slumming or Im at school and we dealing wit regular street niggas, I just stay loose, if mamma grab and go…then well, Im just down wit mine.

Oh Daddy.

I love my Daddy…

  What are ya’ll ssscheming on. Lemme see your billfold.

Daddy’s trying to tell me all the war we got with sin is just an illusion.

Woman, that’s not what I said.

That we have to learn to accept our weakness as part of life. And personally for me, cause I listen to all them preachers and I read all them books and I pray on the Bible…I do it all with a knife in my belt and Im down for the clan but I do not wanna keep on living this way.

Ooh its one of them talks, you…what your daddy is remise in sharing is that there are other forces at work in this world.

NO.

Well talk later honey.

We never did.

I believe Mamma occupies some special place in this world, like a gold key that is made for just one lock, the most magnificent things await behind it; but you put that fucker in your back pocket with a handkerchief and they key is lost in the Misty Mountains.   Myrrh and aloe and decay and female sex and the heat after summer rain and moss and Cyprus and dawn and linen white. Mamma mind was fine. Mammas body was the problem. She worshipped it to hurt her.

She saw a movie once at the Motel 6 in Latham Springs Texas called Jennifer’s Body, she said that though the metaphor was sloppy and the genre “totally LA” a poor excuse, yet she understood that somehow this connected us, because I was watching her becoming self aware.

Of an aspect only I believe, but a crack in the wall blinked a purple light in my eye and I realized that indeed “the affections of the heart are Divine”. If God dropped the veil once in a while, it somehow ran through my mother.

  But even though I am slower than other folks, I can tell you that if Daddy believes that things are moving behind the scenes and mamma sees em too. Man, these things are making them worse…not better.

                Man out of trunk

Boy wrecks.

Runs into St Francisville swamp

The kidnapping event

Tearing the tooth

Too much “arm”   dead girl

Grady gets pickeup

Amber breaks him out

Bo meets someone unexpected

Daddys lie

Gradys brother is Robert Earl.

Daddys bet

    Layerdown. from gods slit wrist   Halogen Incense   Daddy stopped when he left her car seat on the roof.