#the way they can't seem to let each other go is what makes them so compelling
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dreamwreaver · 1 day ago
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For as much Alastor likes to say he's the feared sinner around, a lot of people just don't respect him. Like Carmilla straight up didn't care that he was gone for years, Lucifer has no idea who he was and when he was walking with Zestial, the sinners around them were running from the eldest overlord, not the Radio Demon. The main cast isn't that afraid of him either (aside from Husk but most of the time he's free to gripe and complain about him) and pretty much everyone doesn't let him get a word in.
Charlie, however, does listen to his remarks and give him actual respect for his works. Like the commercial he made for example. She appreciates the work he put into even if she's aware that he meant to mock the hotel, she doesn't dismiss him and even gives out ideas on how he can improve on his work. The same goes for his poster of the hotel, she adds a positive spin on it while keeping his craftsmanship. Alastor, for his part, doesn't mock her for her additions and adds his own input after hers and while it's certainly making jabs at how preposterous her project seems to be, he's still encouraging any possible sinners to try anyway, through playing Charlie's games or going through hills to the hotel. He's not putting her down for her ambition at any point in making the poster and she's not putting him down either.
That's the beauty of Charlie and Alastor's dynamic, despite how different their own perspectives and opinions are, they still work together in their own ways. Respect is evident between them and they work as each other's compass to guide the other to more favorable paths. Even for how long Alastor was gone and how dubious his intentions were, Charlie still considers him a trusted and valuable business partner. She was a princess with an embarrassing reputation and lofty, nonsensical goals but Alastor still saw potential in her. They are aware of each other's background but they don't let their past define how they see one another.
Both of them desire respect and from what they can't get from others, they find in each other instead.
—rambling nonnie
Hey Rambley!
I think he both is and isn't? Like, those who know of the radio demon definitely know to be wary. Angel in the pilot not knowing who he is was so that we the audience could get the info without it stopping the plot. Charlie, the all powerful princess of hell, is afraid when he shows up on her doorstep. So his reputation precedes him enough that he's still a genuine threat. Even Vaggie, who at the absolute shortest has only been in hell about as long as she's been Charlie's girlfriend, knows about him and knows he's a genuine threat when provoked.
That being said, we don't know the canon circumstances around his absence. The leaks imply one thing, and if it's true may explain why Carmilla doesn't care much for where he was or why he was gone. The other popular theory is that Velvette and Valentino stepping in against Alastor during the last major altercation with Vox may have left him weakened enough to strike the deal that keeps his smile in shape. Whatever the reason, the fact that Vox was threatened enough to antagonize him right as soon as he heard the news shows that while Alastor is not a household name as he once was he still holds a significant amount of fear and sway.
And I think to a certain extent Charlie needs that. She has the raw power but neither the finesse nor reputation that allows people to take her seriously. Sinners seem to show a bit more respect to her with the Radio Demon by her side. And in return she opens a place for him in her heart. I don't think she was lying when she said she loved everyone in her life.
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lovelaetter · 1 day ago
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yay, I'm glad you liked it >< also, the way I had 4 paragraphs on this and accidentally clicked away, oops.... this is kinda rewritten from memory so not very good—but ask and you shall receive ! and I don't have an active blog atm, but I will be looking into it. maybe. the internet is scary D: also, lots of context once again, my bad "( – ⌓ – )
ִֶָ 𓂃⊹ ִֶָ age gap & intox
⠀⸝⸝⸝⠀⠀( older!reader × nonidol!rosé ) you two met by bumping into each other (literally) at a coffee shop. so cliché: her cheeks reddening when she looks up at you, her freshly made iced americano poured all over your white shirt, and her doed-up eyes portraying the embarrassment. a bunch of quick apologies like "I'm so sorry, ma'am," and "I wasn't looking, oh my God, I'm so sorry–"
her best idea at the moment is to give you her number to "make it up to you later" and she saves herself as 'rosie ♡ (the clumsy one)', the heart not going unnoticed by you. you make your way out after reassuring it was okay, that you were only here to buy some pastries anyway, nowhere important to be. her eyes trail up your figure until you disappear around the corner, the door letting out a 'ding' as you exit.
⠀⸝⸝⸝⠀⠀a few weeks later and you get a text from 'rosie ♡' (you removed 'the clumsy one' part because it was a bit too dumb to label her with) which says "hello, I was wondering if I could repay you with some brunch??". a quick "sure" and you find yourself with a talkative rosé, she's sitting across from you and so social. it's obvious she has some sort of crush on you, you assumed it was the idea of an older woman—she seems like the type to be too 'babygirl' to have someone her age.
day drinking was never your strength, so you only sip your water as she downs a few sips of her whiskey. the smell is strong, not that you mind, and it showcases whenever she leans forward to refill your water—so well-mannered, with her speech as well—or hand you her fork because "this is so good, you need to try it!"
⠀⸝⸝⸝⠀⠀eventually taking her back to her own place. she's too tipsy to stand straight, let alone drive. only 1 pm and she's already wasted. you're thankful it's your day off today, wouldn't be able to take care of a needy rosé with some idiotic men who can't figure out how to sort paper blowing up your phone.
she's... so dumb. her tongue is loose, complimenting you left and right and growing bolder with her words. all you can do is let out amused responses because she's very clearly drunk, you shouldn't take advantage of that. but oh God, it's hard to keep yourself in check when she's whining and full on begging for just something, anything.
it's out of pity, at least that's what you tell yourself, when you shush her with two of your fingers in her mouth. she looks like she's gonna cum from just that because the thought of being babied is making her so hazy she just can't. and so, she does cum. untouched. but it's too small of an orgasm to satisfy either of you, so those same fingers keep pounded her skull in contrast to you gently taking off her clothes.
she's wearing some pink lace and you can't help but think—imagine—that she wore these just for you, that she wanted this to be the end goal. what a shameless girl. but you don't admire the cloth, it's down to her ankles in milliseconds, your index and middle finger are the only thing covering her, somewhat. the circles on her clit slow but still enough to have her thrashing.
when you let her speak again, taking your soaked fingers out her mouth and stuffing them one by one in her cunt until there's three, her manners show again. "thank you" and "right there, please," leave her mouth so constantly you doubt she can think of any other words right now.
when she cums again, it's so hard and pretty. her eyes rolling back and reaching forward towards you instead of arching her back. you can still see that she's drunk, but you don't feel bad, can't feel bad. not when she's mindlessly half-admitting to having wanted this: "so much better than I imagined." now you just have to wait for her to sober up for round 2, she's too comfy over your lap to reciprocate.
signed by ☃️
this !! i’m seeing stars, this is what rosé is about for me, this awful mess of a girl who crumbles under the attention of an older woman :( like you said, her drunk self, throwing her head back with a stupid smile and then batting her eyelashes at you, something about “you’re really pretty” and laughing that makes you just dismiss her with a “sure thing, rosie” and grip her waist harder and pull her harder to your side.
somehow remembering her manners while you have three fingers stretching her out is so on brand for her (and jennie), head empty, cunt achy, turns every girl to the most well behaved form :(
and i compared her to a little fawn on my other ask about her and i can’t help but do it again here because it’s exactly how i think she would act after, getting so sleepy and looking so fragile in your arms post-orgasm, body mushy, barely holding herself on her own legs and you take her to bed to proper rest and she smile and extend her hand, inviting you to lay with her and what are supposed to do? say no? and when you sit down she instantly curls up by your side… sigh, that one girl that’s too much of a cute wild animal for you.
you mentioning cute brunch unofficial dates and stuffing her mouth with your fingers here, me talking about having her on your lap and feeding her little bites on the sugar baby ask… oh, rosie girl, i know what you are. totally not thinking about million scenarios including oral fixation right now and the idea of her vibrating at the vague feeling of your fingers close to her lips, cleaning her smudged lipstick, shushing her, offering her something, all while her underwear grows damp and she has to resist the urge to open her mouth to bite or lick. or just being latched at any part of your body because that’s what it is about, your neck, your pussy, your strap, she just wants to feel some of you in her mouth.
and never apologize for writing lots of background, i do it too and i love it!!
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that-left-turn · 1 day ago
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I really feel quite problematic about watching this show. With the way norman has done all of these things that have stripped back and insulted melissa's work, I feel like I'm watching an abusive relationship. She loves him - and he treats her appallingly. And now we're even seeing that energy come through into the narrative they're playing on screen in their characters.
I'm getting increasingly certain that norman is a narcissist. And melissa is an extremely empathetic person. Those two types of people are often drawn to each other, and it always results in the narcissist mistreating the empathetic person.
I accept that I don't know them. But I don't know how else to respond to what I'm seeing. He treats her awfully, and everyone is just sitting back and letting it happen. It just makes me feel really uneasy.
It’s easy to see that there’s a problematic power dynamic at play even if you've never had any (professional or social) interaction with any of these people and it’s not something which is dismissible as “Melissa chose to be there,” because if she wants work, what’s she going to do? She's stuck in this situation with these toxic men.
Norman's actions are self-centered and inconsiderate of how any/all of this affects Melissa. It’s not a state secret that he could use some therapy, but unfortunately for the rest of us, his reps don't seem to be steering him towards good career decisions and that's their job. None of what he's doing in regard to the show is good for his future employment prospects: a difficult star who can't pull an audience and tanks a show with his 'creative input' doesn't get offers.
The showrunner should keep things balanced on set, that's part of Zabel's job, but it's a show called Daryl Dixon. Norman has top billing, is first on the callsheet and he got the showrunner his job, so fair treatment won't happen under Zabel. Even though Melissa is the person who gets universal praise by everyone who's ever worked with her and despite being the show's saving grace, she gets treated like she showed up to ruin the fun for these chipmunks who can't manage to make a show anybody wants to watch.
This resentment is why the audience is stuck watching a slo-mo car crash, feeling helpless.
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jackoshadows · 2 days ago
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I think you slightly overstate Sansa's looking down on Jon- it's pretty clear in the text they care about one another. (And let's not forget she is 12 when we see them interact)
I mean, prejudice is prejudice. There is no overstating or understating it.
For Jon, as he mentions missing all his siblings the only thing he can highlight for Sansa is that she treated him differently after finding out that he was a bastard. Does that make her evil or imply that Jon hates her? No. He certainly considers her part of his family - as he says he 'even missed Sansa' - but for the most part Jon seems indifferent to her troubles and vice versa and they don't have much of a relationship.
As for Sansa being 11 when the books starts, her younger siblings Arya and Bran are able to look beyond classist prejudice and their mother's dislike of Jon to build a relationship with him. Arya gained the devoted love and loyalty of a brother who ended up dying to save her.
And the fact remains, that Sansa is now 13 and she still holds onto those Westerosi classist ideals. Which was my point in the OP. That even now, she would be horrified if anyone told her that she had to marry a bastard.
Jon mentions her like 5 times in his 42 POV chapters - where she is included along with Arya - and Sansa mentions him like 3 times in AGoT and once in the most recent book. That's about it. Jon never shows up in Sansa's nostalgic memories of home and family and she admits to forgetting about him in AFfC until Myranda Royce brings up his name. And Jon's concern is mostly for Arya, Robb and Bran.
Jon Snow straightened himself and took a long deep breath. Forgive me, Father. Robb, Arya, Bran … forgive me, I cannot help you. He has the truth of it. This is my place. - AGoT
We can see this in the contrast of the heavy emotions that Jon experiences upon hearing about Arya's marriage and his total indifference towards Sansa being forcefully married off to the enemy.
I suppose what I COULD see in canon would be them sticking together because they're too traumatized to live with anyone who isn't a Stark.
This makes no sense. House Stark is nothing special for someone like Jon Snow who experienced isolation and being treated differently so much so that he wanted to leave and join the Night's Watch at 14. Why would Jon - who is traumatized by his bastardy and his childhood of stigma and ostracization want to be with someone who did treat him differently and is a reminder of the person who emotionally abused him?
Jon Snow has loved and lost Ygritte and envisioned a life with Val who is no Stark either. His friends like Sam, Satin, Grenn, Pyp, Toad, Mully, Halder etc are outliers of Westerosi society - again nothing to do with House Stark. Sansa would have nothing in common with Jon's friends (except for maybe Sam) and wouldn't even like them the same way she didn't like Arya's friends.
Again, the only special Stark relationship is Jon and Arya. These two are the only ones I can see as wanting to stick together at the end. Jon literally calls Arya his heart and thinks Arya's home is wherever he is.
But they do love one another, and I hope they get to reunite. And in a world where George's first draft had Ayra falling in love with Jon….. we can't discount any possibilities lol.
In a world where George's first draft had Arya falling in love with Jon, there is the possibility that Arya and Jon ARE STILL falling in love with each other considering that 90% of the story beats from the original outline is still around.
ALL of GRRM's incestual romance in the series happens between very close siblings and if GRRM was to go there then it would be with Jon and Arya - there is certainly the build up for it over 5 books with these two mentioning and missing each other and Jon ending up dead at the end of ADwD to go save her.
GRRM in fact changed the original AFfC/ADwD draft to include more Jon/Arya moments. And where Jon originally was supposed to die in Hardhome while ranging, GRRM changed that to have him break his NW oaths for Arya and then get assassinated by his men for oathbreaking.
The Stark sisters are not interchangeable. Arya and Sansa are totally different characters with different relationships with their siblings. Jon and Arya bonded over being different and kept secrets from Sansa. Arya went to Jon for consolation after getting bullied over her appearance by Jeyne and Sansa. One can't just randomly replace Arya with Sansa in the original outline because one wants Jon and Sansa to get together.
If GRRM was at all interested in Jon and Sansa then HE WOULD WRITE FOR IT. Like he has done for Jon/Arya and Jon/Dany.
If he was going to change Jon/Arya from the original outline for whatever reason - like the loss of the 5 year gap which means Arya, Bran and Sansa are still children - then he would go for Jon/Dany: the more age appropriate romance with parallel arcs and actual foreshadowing and logical plot building and which would make narrative sense.
They are two of my favorite character in the series and all signs point to them walking very different (Separate) paths. But they do love one another, and I hope they get to reunite
They maybe your favorite characters independently but in the series they don't have much to do with each other. Jon doesn't much like the traditional ladies who uphold Westerosi patriarchal ideals and is always looking for an Arya in the women/girls he loves and admires - Ygritte, Alys, random freefolk girls. Sansa in the meantime seems to be imagining kisses with someone like Sandor Clegane. Jon and Sandor couldn't be more different.
If anything it's very possible we will see a Stark civil war type situation in TWoW. GRRM loves to write about dysfunctional families and House Stark is no exception. With a darker, more wolfish resurrected Jon Snow being named KITN by Robb's will - which possibly disinherits Sansa - and Sansa being backed by LF and the Vale we may see some Stark in fighting over Winterfell.
Also this is not an attack on you or anything, but I am baffled that you like Jon Snow and he is your favorite character and you are then sleeping on the Jon/Arya relationship. That's literally Jon Snow's BEST canonical relationship in the books. One of the best platonic relationships in the whole series IMO. Just unconditional love for each other and they would go to the ends of the world for each other.
And then there's Jon/Robb - such a sweet, tragic relationship with Jon nearly abandoning the NW for Robb and Robb defying his mother to name Jon KITN.
And Jon/Bran - Jon's happiness over Bran being alive and twirling Tyrion around the table is such a sweet moment. Jon wanting Tyrion to help Bran in whatever way he can. Bran wanting to name Halys' bastard son Larence Snow the heir to his father because he was reminded of his bastard brother Jon Snow. Bran saving Jon at the Queenscrown.
As a Jon Snow fan, Sansa is way, way down my list of fun, emotionally heavy, important, canonical Jon Snow relationships in the series. GRRM has not written anything for them so they are not really a priority for him either. Fans liking them together and wanting them together does not make it a thing in the books.
Similarly Sansa's best sibling relationships are Bran Stark - who actually shows concern for his sister being a hostage and Sansa shows concern for Bran. And Robb who is so angry at Sansa's forced marriage that he wants to cut off Tyrion's head as compared to Jon's complete indifference and nonchalance about the same marriage.
Sansa has far better canonical relationships in the series than Jon Snow and I will be forever baffled by this need in fandom to see these two get together or unite in favor of their more emotionally heavy relationships in the books.
Like Jon is my favorite character and I have been waiting for him to reunite with Arya since they first parted ways - 'Different roads sometimes lead to the same castle'.
One reason for why I find shipping Jonsa as a canon ship hilarious is that book Sansa would be so horrified if anyone suggested she marry Jon Snow!
And I think it's because Jonsa shippers themselves think differently to book Sansa. They know that Jon is a central character in the series, that he is a decent guy, has some secret parentage issues going on with the possibility of legitimacy, is loyal and forward thinking etc.
However, these matters don't concern book Sansa. She is a Stark - one of the last remaining Starks in Westeros. She is the eldest daughter of house Stark. The eldest daughter of the former Warden of the North and one of the formerly strongest houses of Westeros which still has a lot of loyalty from other Northern houses. She grew up with high expectations for her marriage.
She was formerly destined to be Queen of Westeros by marriage to Joffrey. She was considered for marriage to the Tyrell heir and would have been Lady of Highgarden. She married Tyrion Lannister who is heir to Casterly Rock. She is currently plotting to marry Harry the Heir - future heir to the Vale upon SweetRobin's death.
So as is seen by her as her right, Sansa expects a marriage to a very high born noble. So far all her prospects have been heirs to big houses and kingdoms.
In AGoT she thinks that the Stark Steward's daughter Jeyne Poole - The Pooles possibly being minor lords with a holdfast near Winterfell - was far beneath Lord Beric Dondarrion.
"Lord Beric is as much a hero as Ser Loras. He's ever so brave and gallant." "I suppose," Sansa said doubtfully. Beric Dondarrion was handsome enough, but he was awfully old, almost twenty-two; the Knight of Flowers would have been much better. Of course, Jeyne had been in love with Lord Beric ever since she had first glimpsed him in the lists. Sansa thought she was being silly; Jeyne was only a steward's daughter, after all, and no matter how much she mooned after him, Lord Beric would never look at someone so far beneath him, even if she hadn't been half his age.
For the same reason, Sansa would think that the bastard Jon Snow was beneath someone like Jeyne Poole.
In fact in her most recent sample TWoW chapter we see she doesn't think much of bastards. Five books in, with the very last published chapter, we see her matchmaking for the 19 year old Mya Stone with the much older, very low born, not good looking Lothor Brune because according to her that would be a good match for a bastard...
Alayne wondered what Mya made of Ser Lothor. With his squashed nose, square jaw, and nap of woolly grey hair, Brune could not be called comely, but he was not ugly either. Though he had risen to knighthood, Ser Lothor's birth had been very low. Brune would be a good match for a bastard girl like Mya Stone, she thought. It might be different if her father had acknowledged her, but he never did. And Maddy says that she's no maid either.
Sansa would be utterly shocked if someone suggested she marry loyal, honest, good Lothor Brune. He would be very low born for her. And if Lothor Brune is not good enough for Sansa how would she feel about marrying a baseborn bastard?
As much as Sansa would be joyful to reunite with her last living relative Jon Snow, she would rather match-make Jon Snow with some low born girl, some hedge knight's or freerider's daughter than marry him. And she would still think that a baseborn like Jon Snow would be lucky to marry someone higher up the chain like lowborn girls - the same way she thinks of Mya Stone and Lothor Brune.
Remember, bastards don't have any lands and are stigmatized as less than, being treacherous and lustful by nature of birth. Ned Stark gave Jon Snow no lands, instead packed him off to the Night's Watch.
Remember Alys Karstark dancing with Robb Stark and not Jon Snow because her father took her there to meet with the heir and not the bastard?
Look at Jaime's thoughts about Sybell Spicer:
"Your lord father promised me worthy marriages for Jeyne and her younger sister. Lords or heirs, he swore to me, not younger sons nor household knights." Lords or heirs. To be sure. The Westerlings were an old House, and proud, but Lady Sybell herself had been born a Spicer, from a line of upjumped merchants.
Or Lady Sybell's reaction to betrothing her son to Joy Hill. And this is only house Westerling.
"I have two sons as well," Lady Westerling reminded him. "Rollam is with me, but Raynald was a knight and went with the rebels to the Twins. If I had known what was to happen there, I would never have allowed that." Even from the grave, Lord Tywin's dead hand moves us all. "Joy is my late uncle Gerion's natural daughter. A betrothal can be arranged, if that is your wish, but any marriage will need to wait. Joy was nine or ten when last I saw her." "His natural daughter?" Lady Sybell looked as if she had swallowed a lemon. "You want a Westerling to wed a bastard?"
Also recall that the original arrangement was for two bastards to marry - Joy Hill, Gerion Lannister's bastard, to marry a Frey bastard.
So imagine Sansa's reaction to a suggestion that she marry the bastard Jon Snow... She would think it's a joke and laugh. She would be aghast and horrified. She would be repulsed and see it as punishment.
That's just how the high born Westerosi society thinks. Bastards are seen as the lowest strata. This is how feudal classism works in Westeros.
So unless Sansa gets suddenly and magically enlightened on classist prejudice, then Jonsa is something that is never, ever, ever going to happen. This is not even getting into what Jon Snow thinks and feels about the high born traditional ladies upholding Westerosi patriarchal ideals of femininity.
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vaguely-concerned · 2 months ago
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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penguinhug · 1 year ago
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i don't really care if bostonnick are going to be endgame or not (i think it's kind of pointless to get attached to ships in that way in this show) but i NEED to see more of them after their break up and i need them to be utterly unable to move on from each other
i hope nick spends the rest of the series scheming to win boston back regardless of how many people he hooks up with in the process and i hope boston goes absolutely batshit insane over nick's betrayal
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rescnatd · 2 months ago
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Only the veteran survivors of the Battle Beneath the Crescent are aware of how much Geshu Lin's death affected Jiyan. Even fewer actually the truest extent of this and why.
#hc; jiyan#//he himself is rather frustrated at his own lingering attachment to the man. Bc really; he SHOULDN'T be#//It wasn't as though he and the man ever really saw eye-to-eye in life; their core ideals the furthest thing from each other#//It wasn't as though the man's stubbornness & ruthless strategies didn't make his blood BOIL more often than not; as solider & medic#//It wasn't as though the man would have EVER looked at him the same way Jiyan did to him#//Be it due to the power imbalance b/w General & combat medic or the near decade & a half yrs between them; or the fact that GL's eyes were#only ever on the battlefield ahead; fighting for a future he & everyone else around him damn well knew he would never live to see#//Jiyan knew it was hopeless the moment he'd realized how he felt; the foolish little bloom of first love amid resentment & frustration#//& yet even three years later; Jiyan can't help but CLING to those phantoms of him; those of the Retroact Rain & within his own memories#//He yet clings to the way the man had always seemed to shine; like the full moon on a cloudy night. Of the first sight he ever had of him#when he'd been assigned to the man's service; the cold determination glinting in his eyes; sharp as a blade and just as merciless#//He clings to the Respect he had for him; for his quick choices in battle; seemingly unwavering resolve; the power he possessed to protect#& destroy with chilling ease–things Jiyan himself wished he could have. He desperately strove to be exactly like him; sans the way he would#endanger his own men for the sake o victory. That; Jiyan would never forgive & never let the man forget it. & was most definitely annoyed#to hell & back when he'd get brushed or even laughed off times he dared step out of line & call it out; to the horror of other soldiers#//It felt as if GL acknowledged & willingly accepted his vitriol with open arms. Was it a challenge or self-punishment? Jiyan never knew#//All he knew is it always made even more upset; and prompted more clashes between the two on their ideals. A selfish part of him liked to#believe these arguments helped distract GL from the horrors of war; a twisted solace amid it all. It did.does help ease the sting a bit#//At first; he confided in folks like Ningwei or trusted older soldiers about those sightings; how shaken they left him; how guilty he felt#in wanting to see MORE of them; so tempted to try and talk to them; rather than fight or ignore them like he'd supposed to#//But w their increasing concern & gentle attempts to get him to step back or even suggest stepping down as General; he's clammed up tight#//Now no one but him & the phantoms know how frequent & intense the sighting get; as far as anyone knows; he hasn't seen any of GL in 2yrs#//Meanwhile; Jiyan is fightin for his life & sanity; feeling his heart break over & over again each time he bears the brunt of harsh words#over his intentions & strategies; his soft heart unwilling to sacrifice his men for victory. Of just SEEING him & that steely gaze again#//At times; Jiyans wonders what would happen if he gave into selfishness & tried to act on his longing upon these phantoms#//Would they disappear? Reject him? Accept him? Would he stop being so haunted by him with the closure it could bring?#//But he's terrified of any and every possibility. And most of all; he's disgusted in himself for daring to sully the memory of his General#with such thoughts and desires. It's a disservice & insult to him; wanting to use what's left of his presence in this world like that#//& yet Jiyan can't bring himself to let go of it. If this is all he has of him now; how can he bear to let him go? To let him be FORGOTTEN#//He really can't. No matter how much it hurts him to do so; in every sense of the word
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asleepinawell · 1 year ago
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Tumblr’s Core Product Strategy
Here at Tumblr, we’ve been working hard on reorganizing how we work in a bid to gain more users. A larger user base means a more sustainable company, and means we get to stick around and do this thing with you all a bit longer. What follows is the strategy we're using to accomplish the goal of user growth. The @labs group has published a bit already, but this is bigger. We’re publishing it publicly for the first time, in an effort to work more transparently with all of you in the Tumblr community. This strategy provides guidance amid limited resources, allowing our teams to focus on specific key areas to ensure Tumblr’s future.
The Diagnosis
In order for Tumblr to grow, we need to fix the core experience that makes Tumblr a useful place for users. The underlying problem is that Tumblr is not easy to use. Historically, we have expected users to curate their feeds and lean into curating their experience. But this expectation introduces friction to the user experience and only serves a small portion of our audience. 
Tumblr’s competitive advantage lies in its unique content and vibrant communities. As the forerunner of internet culture, Tumblr encompasses a wide range of interests, such as entertainment, art, gaming, fandom, fashion, and music. People come to Tumblr to immerse themselves in this culture, making it essential for us to ensure a seamless connection between people and content. 
To guarantee Tumblr’s continued success, we’ve got to prioritize fostering that seamless connection between people and content. This involves attracting and retaining new users and creators, nurturing their growth, and encouraging frequent engagement with the platform.
Our Guiding Principles
To enhance Tumblr’s usability, we must address these core guiding principles.
Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.
Provide high-quality content with every app launch.
Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.
Retain and grow our creator base.
Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.
Improve the platform’s performance, stability, and quality.
Below is a deep dive into each of these principles.
Principle 1: Expand the ways new users can discover and sign up for Tumblr.
Tumblr has a “top of the funnel” issue in converting non-users into engaged logged-in users. We also have not invested in industry standard SEO practices to ensure a robust top of the funnel. The referral traffic that we do get from external sources is dispersed across different pages with inconsistent user experiences, which results in a missed opportunity to convert these users into regular Tumblr users. For example, users from search engines often land on pages within the blog network and blog view—where there isn’t much of a reason to sign up. 
We need to experiment with logged-out tumblr.com to ensure we are capturing the highest potential conversion rate for visitors into sign-ups and log-ins. We might want to explore showing the potential future user the full breadth of content that Tumblr has to offer on our logged-out pages. We want people to be able to easily understand the potential behind Tumblr without having to navigate multiple tabs and pages to figure it out. Our current logged-out explore page does very little to help users understand “what is Tumblr.” which is a missed opportunity to get people excited about joining the site.
Actions & Next Steps
Improving Tumblr’s search engine optimization (SEO) practices to be in line with industry standards.
Experiment with logged out tumblr.com to achieve the highest conversion rate for sign-ups and log-ins, explore ways for visitors to “get” Tumblr and entice them to sign up.
Principle 2: Provide high-quality content with every app launch.
We need to ensure the highest quality user experience by presenting fresh and relevant content tailored to the user’s diverse interests during each session. If the user has a bad content experience, the fault lies with the product.
The default position should always be that the user does not know how to navigate the application. Additionally, we need to ensure that when people search for content related to their interests, it is easily accessible without any confusing limitations or unexpected roadblocks in their journey.
Being a 15-year-old brand is tough because the brand carries the baggage of a person’s preconceived impressions of Tumblr. On average, a user only sees 25 posts per session, so the first 25 posts have to convey the value of Tumblr: it is a vibrant community with lots of untapped potential. We never want to leave the user believing that Tumblr is a place that is stale and not relevant. 
Actions & Next Steps
Deliver great content each time the app is opened.
Make it easier for users to understand where the vibrant communities on Tumblr are. 
Improve our algorithmic ranking capabilities across all feeds. 
Principle 3: Facilitate easier user participation in conversations.
Part of Tumblr’s charm lies in its capacity to showcase the evolution of conversations and the clever remarks found within reblog chains and replies. Engaging in these discussions should be enjoyable and effortless.
Unfortunately, the current way that conversations work on Tumblr across replies and reblogs is confusing for new users. The limitations around engaging with individual reblogs, replies only applying to the original post, and the inability to easily follow threaded conversations make it difficult for users to join the conversation.
Actions & Next Steps
Address the confusion within replies and reblogs.
Improve the conversational posting features around replies and reblogs. 
Allow engagements on individual replies and reblogs.
Make it easier for users to follow the various conversation paths within a reblog thread. 
Remove clutter in the conversation by collapsing reblog threads. 
Explore the feasibility of removing duplicate reblogs within a user’s Following feed. 
Principle 4: Retain and grow our creator base.
Creators are essential to the Tumblr community. However, we haven’t always had a consistent and coordinated effort around retaining, nurturing, and growing our creator base.  
Being a new creator on Tumblr can be intimidating, with a high likelihood of leaving or disappointment upon sharing creations without receiving engagement or feedback. We need to ensure that we have the expected creator tools and foster the rewarding feedback loops that keep creators around and enable them to thrive.
The lack of feedback stems from the outdated decision to only show content from followed blogs on the main dashboard feed (“Following”), perpetuating a cycle where popular blogs continue to gain more visibility at the expense of helping new creators. To address this, we need to prioritize supporting and nurturing the growth of new creators on the platform.
It is also imperative that creators, like everyone on Tumblr, feel safe and in control of their experience. Whether it be an ask from the community or engagement on a post, being successful on Tumblr should never feel like a punishing experience.
Actions & Next Steps
Get creators’ new content in front of people who are interested in it. 
Improve the feedback loop for creators, incentivizing them to continue posting.
Build mechanisms to protect creators from being spammed by notifications when they go viral.
Expand ways to co-create content, such as by adding the capability to embed Tumblr links in posts.
Principle 5: Create patterns that encourage users to keep returning to Tumblr.
Push notifications and emails are essential tools to increase user engagement, improve user retention, and facilitate content discovery. Our strategy of reaching out to you, the user, should be well-coordinated across product, commercial, and marketing teams.
Our messaging strategy needs to be personalized and adapt to a user’s shifting interests. Our messages should keep users in the know on the latest activity in their community, as well as keeping Tumblr top of mind as the place to go for witty takes and remixes of the latest shows and real-life events.  
Most importantly, our messages should be thoughtful and should never come across as spammy.  
Actions & Next Steps
Conduct an audit of our messaging strategy.
Address the issue of notifications getting too noisy; throttle, collapse or mute notifications where necessary.  
Identify opportunities for personalization within our email messages. 
Test what the right daily push notification limit is. 
Send emails when a user has push notifications switched off.
Principle 6: Performance, stability and quality.
The stability and performance of our mobile apps have declined. There is a large backlog of production issues, with more bugs created than resolved over the last 300 days. If this continues, roughly one new unresolved production issue will be created every two days. Apps and backend systems that work well and don't crash are the foundation of a great Tumblr experience. Improving performance, stability, and quality will help us achieve sustainable operations for Tumblr.
Improve performance and stability: deliver crash-free, responsive, and fast-loading apps on Android, iOS, and web.
Improve quality: deliver the highest quality Tumblr experience to our users. 
Move faster: provide APIs and services to unblock core product initiatives and launch new features coming out of Labs.
Conclusion
Our mission has always been to empower the world’s creators. We are wholly committed to ensuring Tumblr evolves in a way that supports our current users while improving areas that attract new creators, artists, and users. You deserve a digital home that works for you. You deserve the best tools and features to connect with your communities on a platform that prioritizes the easy discoverability of high-quality content. This is an invigorating time for Tumblr, and we couldn’t be more excited about our current strategy.
#joining the other people in the notes saying I'll leave if you force algorithmic suggestions into my following feed#I agree that there should be a way to promote new artists but this ain't it#one of the reasons I've had a harder time engaging with artists lately is the new way posts are displayed when you click on the header#because they no longer show you the post on the user's page#so clicking their art tag takes you to global search instead of that user's art#and that sucks!#means people are less likely to look at the rest of their stuff and less likely to follow#and instead get dumped in a global 'my art' tag FULL of stuff they don't care about and shut it immediately#engagement fail#the replies are a mess though please do improve that#reblogs seem fine?#if you add push notifications I can't opt out of I will simply block all notifications at the phone os level#and mark emails as spam#this should be optional#also please make collapsing reblog threads optional#and don't remove multiple reblogs from different users from our dashes!!!!!#the tag commentary is the lifeblood of the community here ffs#I want to see the tags from each person without having to dig through the notes and try and find if a mutual reblogged it 250 reblogs ago#on that note how about letting use filter the notes tab so we can see stuff from people we follow#you're not going to get the tiktok kids interested in this site and if you try you're going to lose what you have#try catering to the artists leaving twitter#but without trying to be twitter#because twitter SUCKS for finding art#and seeing older art from the same person#I only use it to follow artists who aren't on here#and I only look in the following tab and searches#maybe try asking the artist community how they'd like to see their stuff boosted?#because a lot of them are on here being unhappy about the non-chrono dash too#tumblr stuff#oh hey also this post just showed me it's really hard to go to the original post if the op has a ton of checkmarks
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calamitys-child · 1 year ago
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Listening to a podcast discussing conspiracy theories and deconstructing the ideas behind them and it's reminded me of the coolest practical lessons in critical thinking I ever got, both in high school, both from the same teacher. One was a month long project on who killed jfk in which we could basically present any theory as long as we cited all our reasons and it got us really excited about research and interpretation, but it was the follow up that I liked best.
Our next project she brought us into class and showed us a documentary claiming the moon landing was faked. Gave us worksheets to do that sided with that stance. And at the end of class a bunch of us were like miss wait this doesn't seem right?? and she said okay, we'll discuss that next week. The next lesson, she showed us a mythbusters episode countering all the claims of the original documentary and gave us worksheets for that, and another bunch of people went wait miss you can't teach us two opposing things, which one is right? What do we put on the exam??
So she split the class in two and told us each to present a case based on each side, and to explain why our source was or wasn't the more reliable of the two. Got us to debate each other directly and use additional sources to back us up and explain why those sources were reliable and should be believed. And because they were randomly assigned there was no guarantee you'd agree with the stance you were presenting, but you had to present it like you did. At the end of the project she asked us all which stance we found more convincing and why, and the majority of us basically said "we think that the moon landing is real because most of the arguments against it seem like someone reacted to a confusing thing without testing it, but when you test it and ask the person running the test to explain the science it makes sense once you have more information. Also, one documentary was made with the help of scientists with qualifications and experience and the other was made by people who don't have that but like to write mystery books, which looks like a less reliable way to get an answer. But we still dont understand why you showed us both if one is wrong."
And she was like excellent. You've done exactly what you should do. At high school level, we as teachers are expected to filter for the reliable sources for you, so you know to repeat that to pass an exam, but if you want to be historians on your own, I won't be your teacher any more once you graduate. Lots of people have opinions and theories and research about times in history, and it's your job to learn how to look at them and decide who you want to trust. This won't be on the exam, but I need you all to know it. You all did a great job following the school's instructions to repeat information you were given, but for some of you, that information wasn't on a reliable foundation. I know you all know how to pass an exam. You're smart and you've been trained to follow these instructions. What you deserve to be taught is how to use all this once you don't have to do exams any more.
And then as a reward for us doing a good job at figuring out the value of checking your sources' sources she let us watch Bush get hit in the face with a shoe before we had to go to maths. Shoutout to you Ms Hannah you were a good'un I hope you're doing well ten years on from that class
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eloquentlytired · 2 months ago
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Logan with a breeding kink fic? 😉
18+ mdni
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— raw.
pairing: logan howlett x fem reader
word count: less than 900
tags: unprotected sex — breeding — logan is feral — just filthy smut — risky sex — dom/sub undertones
author’s note: hi anon I hope this was a good read for you. logan having a breeding kink is so incredibly canon honestly
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“lo.” you moan as you lie facedown on the bed, legs straight, hips slightly raised. logan enters you from behind and the way he stretches you in this position has you whimpering. one of his large hands puts weight on your head and forces you to bury it against the bedsheets as you sob beneath him. his other hand stays on your middle to kind of support himself as he fucks you, driving his veiny cock into your deepest parts. the bed creaks beneath your moving bodies but you don't seem to care. logan grunts as he feels your pussy clenching around his cock, coating it too with your arousal. “still taking your pills like a good girl?” the shake of your head makes his hips slow down and gradually stop. you tilt your head at an awkward angle to stare at him and he stares back. “w—we ran out.” you whisper, voice still laced with arousal and need. logan weighs his options as his eyes drift downwards where his cock is completed soaked by your wetness and even his pubic hair drip with the doings of your pussy. his bare cock twitches inside you and you moan. “not safe,lo. let's just—”
there's not much you can do in this position when logan starts thrusting again. you take what he gives you and your eyes roll back when the fat head of his cock kisses your sweet spot, making your entire body shake all over. tears of pleasure slide down your cheeks and he leans down to kiss a tender spot on your shoulder before biting down. he grounds his hips in circles and you almost scream. “there— there,lo.” you beg him and he repeats the motion again and again. when your pussy tightens around him as you cum, logan growls into your shoulder and you can sense him growing more feral over you. your hands grip onto the bedsheets for dear life as you drool and cry against the mattress. logan drives his cock faster inside you and a few more thrusts later he fills you up, leaning the weight of his lower body on yours that his cock nudges impossible places within you. it makes you squirm and logan offers you a reassuring kiss as he pants against your shoulder, trying to process the raw feel of your walls around his bare girth.
“fuck.” you hear him curse minutes later and when you look back, your eyes widen. logan slips his softening cock out of your pussy and watches as his own come drips out and over your cunt. you exchange a silent and long stare and then logan is moving you again. you don't know what's happening or why but you're about to.
you've lost count and you've also lost any sanity left for the time being. you drag a hand over your belly as logan pumps his load inside you again, making your thighs shake from where they sit atop his own. you're laying on your back this time while he gets comfortable between your spread legs, breeding you until the late hours. “one last time. I swear,baby.” he lies through his teeth again and you allow it. logan slips his hands underneath your legs and shoves them back until your knees are nearly touching your chest. his cock is still hard and leaking — he'd really done it this time — and he wants to blame your bare cunt for wrapping around his cock so perfectly. you're tired and your pussy feels a little sore but you can't help but reach a wandering hand to your clit and rub it as logan fucks you mercilessly. his balls are heavy and drag against you with each shallow thrust. your entire body shakes and your other hand remains atop your stomach; you're full, so full, and your toes curl when you think about how much of logan’s seed you've stored in your womb.
“lo—” you're letting go again, your entire body spasming as your fingers shake against your swollen clit. logan’s eyes narrow when he watches you squirt beneath him and one of his hands is moving down to toy with your pussy, his fingers moving past yours and past your clit to tease the source of your squirt. it makes you cry and nearly scream. logan feels his balls tighten and before you know it he's already giving it to you again, spilling everything inside your pussy to make it full. to make his seed take place. “lo.” by the time you call for him he's already slipping a hand around your nape, clutching it, while his other hand joins your own on top of your stomach.
your lips meet and logan soothes you. “so pretty, so sweet. you took so much in ya, princess.” and his whispers make you tremble even more as you kiss him back slowly. his kisses are nothing like the way he fucks you; they're slow, patient and gentle. logan hums into your mouth as you wrap your arms around his neck. his fingers flex upon your stomach, even doing so much as squeeze it. he loves it. “how ‘bout we forget about those pills?” logan growls.
his cock doesn't stay soft for long and when his hand presses into your tummy possessively, you know exactly what awaits you.
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gixxie · 1 year ago
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Gosh this fic was EVERYTHING. It felt like reading / watching a shojo manga/anime. I love reader with all my heart. 😭💚 She's so good, I literally I want to protect her with from the world.
First we begin with reader's confession. And gosh I don't know what I expected. If anything I expect her to declare that she'd get him to fall in love with her by being friends first. But no, she just wanted him to know and reject her. That intrigued me a lot cause she's way stronger than I am. To hear rejection everytime you confess? Idk my heart too fragile sksk. But it's also intriguing in a different way because even though she knows her feelings won't be reciprocated, it's enough to be friends. It's enough to be in his presence. She doesn't come to Rin to declare what he can do for her but rather what she can do for him. I don't know if it makes sense what I'm trying to say. But all I know is, reading how it started filled me with such warmth and I see why it made Rin curious about her. She's quite unexpected. I love it.
I love their dynamic. How bubbly she is compared to his stoic grumpiness. It's my favorite thing ever!! Or How he's curious but indifferent at first. Finds her annoying but kinda intriguing. Just like reader stated, he is indeed like a cat: He want to be left alone for the most part but he enjoys company in his own way. Friendly in his own way. When they clean together in the classroom, the first moment Rin might notice that their friendship is developing into something else. 🥺🥺 It's so sweet the way he notices her, her humming, the necklace, the light reflection, and last but not least his heart bearing faster. So shojo but it never fails to make me squeal and kick my feet in delight.
Rin sticking up for reader in his own way. STOOOP IT. We always have a mean girl who loves to be a hater. CLEARLY YOU'RE JUST JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE MY READER CAN BE NEAR HIM AND YOU CAN'T. okay but 1. my heart aches for her because she probably hear comments like that all the time. 2. Her entrance and trying to deter the girls for talking to Rin makes me giggle and smile like a buffoon. She's too precious. But what a fucking mood at her declaration because RIN SO SWEET. I ADORE HIM SM.
Reader meeting Rin's mom has me squealing and all. I love we get to see what she's like out of school. Rin doesn't realize it but he 10000000000% thought she was BEAUTIFUL. I got you boo, I read your mind. Her confessing that he's nice to her!!!!!!! I know his mom called his dad to plan a wedding and everything. Crying that "she's the one." Not to mention Rin's jealousy HEHHEHEHHE. IDK SOMETHING ABOUT THIS WHOLE HOME THING HITS SOMETHING DEEP INSIDE OF ME. I was LOSING IT. So cute. But at the same time ACHES cause you see how alone reader really is. 🥺🥺 She's taking care of herself and gosh yeah again I want to protect her at all costs.
Okay but when our couple had their "date but not a date" outing?? AHHHHH I never loved Rin more than in that moment. When he called reader brother out??? Like YES. sure you may care but it comes off as fake and stifling especially when you haven't done it in the past. Plus like Rin said it's not for the person in question but rather themselves. And don't even get my started on the park scene when Rin allows himself to be vulnerable, allowed reader to hug him. Spoke about his feelings? You're going to kill me here. I love them both sm. 😭😭💚💚💚 When reader tells Rin she hopes he beats sae's ass. 😭😭😭 I was thinking it as I read that part. He better beat the brakes off of him and make that man cry snot bubbles.
THE BIRTHDAY SCENE CAPTURED MY HEART. I just KNEW reader was coming over. And the slight emotion in Rin's tone?? Like he can deny all he wants (he doesn't really so good for him) but nothing feels good than having someone else care enough to make your bday a big deal. Like someone happy you're alive? Wanting to spend time with you on your day? I know my man's was down bad after that. Like I would have choked him myself if he still wanted to be like "Nah fam I still don't like you." HE WOULD BE STUPID TO PASS UP READER. But that's neither here or there, we know he's in love. 🫡🫡
THE INSTAGRAM PIC, THE KISS, THE CONFESSION WHEN I SAY I SCREAMED LIKE AN SEAL/ PTERODACTYL. Slamming my face on a chalkboard, shaking like Chihuahu, I love Rin. The "Please kiss me." Can't fucking breathe man. I am just screeching and rooting for them. MY READER GOT HER KISS HELL YEAH. I love they both pretended to be asleep when his mom came in cause I WOULD HAVE TOO ksksks. The second hand embarrassment I am dying. And we saw Rin blush for the first time? The power reader HOLDS. I was giggling my butt off.
Then we get to Rin overhearing some guy wanting to confess to reader and omg. I love him for what he does. It's insane to me that no one asked her out before AND NOW we got crushes left and right wanting a piece of my reader... As they should. 🤭🤭 Not Rin low-key being hurt by them hiding their relationship. He went from "idc, your presence doesn't mean much to me." To being upset that the school doesn't know. Again I adore him. Oh have times evolved hehe. I was wondering why they would want to hide the relationship but reader caring about Rin image is so like her my heart. 🥺🥺
Stop reader worrying about seeing each other because of busy schedules got me all 😭😭😭. I love we see Rin is a bit more open. Even if he doesn't outright say it, WE KNOW AND I LOVE. The hug, the reassurance that he gives. THE LOVE CONFESSION. I am shot in the shot by cupid's arrow and I'm in love with this fic. They are perfect for each other I sob.
Finally we get to the epilogue and stop I love that guy that's like "settle down, quit while you're ahead. YOU HAVE NO CHANCE." Sir you're damn skippy right. 🤣🤣
Help I love the guy response is like "through the power of love, I'll win her heart." STOP IT HAHAH. You know he's hella into the romance media. Rin telling reader he misses her. It makes me so happy that he went from bottling his emotions, sometimes ignoring or not understanding them to now saying how he feels. I'm gonna CRYYY. I love Rin subtle claim. Cause he really do be claiming reader 🤭🤣🤣.
Anyway I am 100000% in love with this. You did amazing!!! Thank you for posting this magnificent fic!!
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WON'T YOU LEND ME YOUR FAITH? | R. ITOSHI
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❁ tags ; fem!reader (reader dresses femininely + is referred to as a girl / with she/her pronouns), reader is shorter than rin , strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, getting together, rin is soo teenage boy (and makes some annoying teen-boy comments), slow-burn, making out is as suggestive as this gets, stereotypical shoujo romance, usage of honorifics, coming of age
❁ wc ; 21.4k (insane. most insane thing ive ever seen)
❁ a/n ; i'm genuinely appalled by the length of this fic. how did that happen. what in the world. this fic is truly just. every single shoujou manga trope crammed into one okay. my silly little self indulgent romance !!!!
also this fic is sfw + takes place in their third of hs so im not gonna say mdni that's silly. however if you're a minor please do not follow me i post heinous dark content and this fic is a fluke in the timeline dskffjkfd
❁ synopsis ; the love story of a sensitive, stoic soccer player and an eccentric wannabe journalist
or that time you confess to itoshi rin, knowing he'll reject you, and asking to befriend him in spite of it.
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“I like you,” 
A breeze of wind passes.
“What?” 
You confess to Itoshi Rin at the start of the Spring semester. On the school rooftop with your head down. Bent at a near ninety degrees as you hold out what looks like a love letter.
For a minute, he can’t do anything more than stare. He’s received countless confessions in highschool. Half of which he rejected immediately, not even stopping to hear the full extent of their feelings. Why would he? The lukewarm ideas of first love had never been of interest. Even before his fight with Sae, Rin was always focused on his goals. 
After his second year of high school was spent in Bluelock, Rin has only returned for his third. He promised his parents he’d graduate properly, and Bluelock was off-season until Ego could fully prepare for the next stages. 
And a lot has changed since then. But some parts of him, namely his feelings towards the idea of conventional relationships, haven't changed at all. 
It’s only been a little less than three weeks since school had started, and by now he’s received more confessions than he can really remember. All of which he’s rejected coldly, and blankly, because Itoshi Rin has never been in the business of coddling anyone. Most of those girls he’s never even met. Knows nothing about them because they’re first or second years he’d never even spoken to. 
Rin, however, does know you. You’ve been in his class in all 3 years of his highschool, and he’s seen you around more than once. You’re in the newspaper club, which he remembers because you covered their winning match back when Rin was a first year. He wouldn’t call you friends, but you’ve spoken to each other enough that he can remember your name with a little effort. 
He also  remembers you being sort of annoying. You’re one of those loud and earnest types that he can’t stand. 
A year ago, Rin would’ve denied knowing you at all. But now that things with Sae have cleared up just a little - he’s not inclined to take his anger out on you. He knows you. Not well, but enough.
And if his reputation precedes him at all, then you know Rin too. You know that he’s never once gone out with a single girl in his 3 years of highschool and that most of the guys in all three grades consider him an arrogant jerk. You know that he mostly plays soccer alone during breaks and that he only really hangs out with one person. 
Which means you must know that he doesn’t harbor any feelings for you. And that he’s going to reject your confession without thinking twice about it. 
In the first place, he was just curious if you were stupid enough to do it. If you really called him up here for a roof-top confession. The fact that you were is what’s stifling him. Your words are familiar. He’s heard them so many times. But it’s baffling. It’s ridiculous. 
You lift your head to face him. You’re still smiling, though there’s something more there that he can’t understand. He doesn’t do well with people like you begin with. He finds himself backing away when you jog up closer towards him. 
He’s taller than you, he notices. You pick your head up to look at him and smile, toothy and at ease. You hold the letter up again and shove it towards him, though you don’t seem like you’re expecting him to take it. He stares at you. 
“I like you,” You repeat, smooth and bubbly. He frowns. 
“I don’t like you.” 
He has expectations for this part. Normally he receives a saddened look like a dog whose tail he stepped on or a fit of crying (sometimes genuine, sometimes with the intent of guilt.) Sometimes he gets an awkward smile trying to seem unbothered by the whole situation. 
You don’t falter though. You don’t even flinch at the words, cold as ice and steely. It throws him off. 
“I know,” You say back,  prying the letter away from him. You turn the other way, walking towards the metal grates and for a minute Rin wonders if you’re going to do something drastic. You don’t though, instead sticking your the paper in the air “That’s why I have a proposal,” 
He stares, absolutely dumbfounded. You turn again towards him. 
“I want to get to know you. And keep confessing to you,” You say first, and Rin immediately goes to reject you until you put your hands up “And I want you to keep rejecting me.” 
He’s baffled. Really. 
“What?” 
“So I can gradually lose my feelings for you. Nothing that different on your end, honestly..” 
It sounds annoying. It really does. If it were anyone else, under any other circumstance he would scoff and tell them to deal with their own shitty feelings alone just like everyone else. But there’s no hidden intention there. Rin’s always been good at sniffing that out. Your words are pure as can be.
Frustratingly simple and twice as sincere, no matter how confusing the whole thing is. 
“Why should I?” 
“We can be friends,” You reply like it’s the best deal he could ask for. “Isn’t that enough? Not like you really have any right now.” 
He scoffs bitterly albeit he can’t counter you. 
“Friendship is lukewarm. I don’t care about any of that stuff,” 
“Lukewarm? Really? Then..think of it like I’ll be your shield. You hate when people socialize with you right? I’ll help you deal with it.” 
That doesn’t sound too bad actually. On top of that, he’s kind of curious what your deal is. He rolls his eyes at you, turning to face the other way. 
“Do whatever you want. It’s not like it matters.” 
His response makes you beam. He hears you shout from the otherside of the yard, followed by the sound of your footsteps noisily thudding against the concrete as you try to catch up with him. He walks faster than you just to spite you for earlier, but he hears your last words through a huff of breath. 
“Jeez, you’re fast. I’ll see you at lunch, be prepared!” 
Somehow, he feels like he’s crossed paths with something he shouldn’t’ve. 
__
You keep up with your end of the deal with Rin to the best of your ability. 
The upsides of your arrangement is that the usual annoyances Rin has to deal with have decreased significantly in the time you’ve been hanging around him. You’re very good at using your speech to sway conversations one way or the other without upsetting the other party.
Normally, Rin’s rejections for different things leave a bitter taste in the air. He’s never been good at mincing his words for anyone and while it doesn’t affect him - the strange stares and whispers he gets are a little annoying to deal with. People always take his disinterest personally. Rin has always hated that. He was probably a little gentler about the denial before but still. 
While other people are too stupid to pay it any mind, you’re clever at turning the tides your way. You always manage to completely divert their questions without making them feel uncomfortable. Rin has tried, many times, to actually break down how you’re doing it. He doesn’t think he’d ever be able to replicate it, no matter how much he studies you. 
He’s reluctant to admit it, but really, your presence has significantly lowered the number of obstacles in his daily life and made him overall, less irritable. 
Instead of many annoying things, there’s only you. Which is tolerable in comparison. 
You also expect him to uphold his end of the deal. For the most part, this has just meant you inserting yourself into his usual activities. It started out small enough, mostly just you sitting with him during lunch. It draws too much attention to eat in the classroom so you both fuck off to the roof. 
(You often joke about how romantic it is, reminiscing on your rejected first love with as much melodrama as you can muster. 
Rin never laughs about it to your face, but he admits it’s funny. Your stupidity is mildly amusing, at least ) 
There, you eat lunch together. Rin learns you make yourself colorful bentos from time to time- though some days are much less elaborate than others. You like to unwind that way, your designated and nightly me-time. You work part-time, and you take care of your neighbors kids by helping them every morning and night. 
Rin doesn’t ask you for more, not willing to deliberately show interest. 
But you notice his curiosity for better or for worse and explain that she, the woman next door, used to make you dinner back when your parents were too busy. You have an older brother who's nearly twelve years your senior so you were alone for most of your childhood. She had children late, but they feel like your little siblings. So you help them in the mornings and in the evenings when you have time. 
Rin learns you, funnily enough, have a sense of obligation towards other people that he can’t fully comprehend. He forgot there were people like that. In an environment like Bluelock that is so dead set on fostering ego, it’s easy to forget something so simple. 
You haven’t confessed to him again since that time. Not like he’s expecting it, but given your personality he wonders why. He thought it’d be more of a daily occurence, something like a bit you did. But you never do. Even when at times, it’s so heavy in the atmosphere even he can tell you want too. 
Admittedly, Rin wonders a lot more about you than he cares to. He wonders why you spend so much time with him when you have plenty of other friends who seem to cherish you. He wonders why you care so much about the dying club you're in. He wonders if this, in some strange way, stems from some kind of obligation.
He wonders, sometimes, what about him you could even like. It’s probably something stupid. You’d probably think long and hard before going on to say that you like him because he’s handsome or cool. Something shallow and meaningless. 
He tells himself that when he starts thinking about it again. 
__
Rin gets roped into cleaning the classroom with you. 
He’s used to being paired with other people. But he’s never had to do with you before, even in the years prior. Or maybe he did. He doesn’t recall much of his first year. 
Still, now that it’s already mid-May, Rin has never been on cleaning duty with you. He’s conscious of the sound of your name these days. It’s not something he’s happy about. 
It’s a simple affair. Just 15 or 20 minutes. Nothing to talk about. Not really. 
But, today you’re alone with him. Alone in an empty classroom with light pouring through the windows and reflecting off of the wooden desks. You’re busying yourself with wiping down the chalkboard, humming quietly. Rin has the broom and dust pan, slowly working himself towards the front of the room. 
It’s mostly quiet. Just your humming. The soft thud of a dust pan, a gentle brush of the bristle. 
Rin feels a crick in his neck, half-way done with the task at hand. He stares at you, off in the front. In your own little world as you fix everything up diligently without turning your head to look up at him even once. 
The nape of your neck is visible from the way you’re standing. There’s a chain there. Do you wear a necklace under your uniform? He can see the slope of your shoulders. The light reflects on you. 
It stops him dead in his tracks. All he can hear is the quiet. The soft humming of your voice. The thud of the dust pan, the woosh of an eraser. The gentle bristle of a broom. The sound of his own heartbeat, a little louder than it was a minute ago. 
He shakes his head. He goes back to sweeping. 
__
“Why do you look like that?” 
You look depressed. For Rin, this expression on you is unusual. You do look sad sometimes.  Somber, occasionally but the look you have on your face right now is down right harrowing. You’re staring blankly out into the open, sitting in the usual spot the two of you have lunch at. But you’ve hardly touched your food and your favorite juicebox (a lunchtime staple) doesn’t have a straw in it yet. 
It’s freaking him out, quite frankly. He stares at you, waving a hand in front of your face until you click back into reality. You jump in your skin at the sight of him before taking a deep breath once you’ve realized who’s in front of you. 
“Oh. It’s just you. Sorry,” You say, immediately going for your juice. See? “What did you say?” 
He sighs, sitting down next to you with his own lunch. Nothing special, something his mom likes to pack when he’s at home - though he doesn’t often take it. He opens up his own tin, taking chopsticks out attached from the top. 
“I asked why you looked like that.” 
“Like what?” 
“Like someone just died.” 
You look at him morbidly, clasping your hands and leaning forward with your elbows on your knees. 
“My midterm grades,” You say solemnly, voice wavering ever so slightly “They’re detestable. A shame to my bloodline.” 
Rin looks at you plainly. 
“Aren’t you an idiot to begin with?” 
“Hey! I’ll have you know I’m average. Super average. But I scored even lower than usual and I’m concerned. I need to do well on the next one and on my entrance exams.” 
Oh, right. Rin forgot since he has no plans to take any. 
“Do you know what you want to do for college?” He asks, mostly out of obligation. 
“I want to study journalism.” There’s a wispiness to your way of speaking. It gives the air a sentimental feel. “There’s a private university with a good program I want to get into but they’re kind of tough. So I have to focus and do well,” 
“What subject are you struggling with?” 
You deflate all over again. 
“Chemistry and Classical Japanese,” 
Rin does well in both subjects. He thinks it over, and decides he can consider this payback. That’s all it is. He’s never liked owing people for favors and while you say this much is enough - Rin can rest assured about your little deal if he’s actually been of use to you in return. He remains impassive as he takes a sip of water. 
“Do you want me to help you study?” 
You turn to him immediately, suddenly full of life. He doesn’t like the gleam in your eyes, an immediate regret settling in as he stares at you, eyes full of disdain. You don’t hesitate grabbing his hand, putting it to your forehead and bowing deeply as you face him. You’re like a fly that keeps buzzing around him. 
“Are you serious? Really? Forreal? Do you mean it?” 
“If you keep being  a dipshit I’m going to take it back,” 
You pull away, hands folded in your lap, going stone faced.
“I would be very grateful,” You say, hands clasped in front of your face. He rolls his eyes. 
“Don’t get the wrong idea,” He says bluntly, staring out into space “I just don’t want to owe you any favors.” 
This you laugh at, leaning back on the wall behind you - with your legs stretched out. 
“Don’t worry,” You reply, self-assured. “Somehow, you asking me to study with you so innocently really cements it in that you don’t have a shred of affection for me.” 
Something in him stirs. He ignores it. 
“Never in a million years.” 
You laugh light-heartedly. 
“You’re so cold to me, Itoshi-kun.” 
“You still call me that.” He grimaces. You stare at him confused. 
“How else would I call you?” 
“When you use my last name it reminds me of my brother,” 
“...Are you implying I should use your first name?” 
Oh. Shit. That is what he sort of said, isn’t it? 
“No,” He denies, somehow unable to come up with anything worthwhile “Don’t address me at all.” 
“Eh? But that’s impossible? I can try but,” 
Only an idiot like you would think to actually try. He shakes his head. It’s no good after all. 
“Shut up,” He decides, because there’s not anything else he can think to say “We can study at the library.” 
You’re quick to reject the proposal. 
“We have to pick somewhere else. Like a cafe or something,” You say, not looking at him. You have your phone pulled up now, looking for places nearby. He’s lost again. 
“What? Why? Isn’t it easier if it’s at school?” 
You glance over at him wide-eyed, before suddenly smiling. It’s a knowing smile, almost like you feel sorry for him. He wants to ask why you look like that. It’s weirdly guarded and he hates that from you. He stares at you, trying to will you to explain yourself. You’re good at reading his thoughts, frustratingly enough, so he’s not accustomed to asking. 
Which means your lack of answer is deliberate, and even with the pressure he’s putting on you, you don’t budge.
“Trust me on this one,” You voice light and airy. “It’s better if we find somewhere away from school, too. There’s still some time to look, so no rush.” 
He lets it go because he doesn’t have any other choice. Lunch passes and you talk like everything's normal.
The question lingers in the back of his mind. 
__ 
Rin spends most of his time between classes watching soccer. If he has some free time on his day off, he’ll look for a new movie to watch. There’s a new foreign film coming out from a director who he really likes and he’s just finished watching the trailer.
Thirsty, with nothing to do - he stands to his feet and briefly surveys the classroom. He wants a drink and there’s a vending machine down the hallway with a sports drink that tastes like..something. 
His airpods are close to being dead so there’s no music as he makes his way. He’s not a fan of being forced to listen to the chatter of the general populace so it’s not that hard to ignore.  
It catches his attention when he hears your name in passing before turning the corner of the hall. It stops him dead in his tracks, something tense left in the syllables after . He doesn’t know why he stopped, not exactly. He figured it’d be annoying if his presence caused a ruckus. 
He’s used to people talking about you, though they usually describe you as a busybody. The Senpai who’s everywhere. A hand in every jar, or something like that. But there’s a tone to that, mild amusement - never malice, that Rin is more than accustomed to. 
This is not that, he notices. He leans on the wall and listens. A group of girls. Some of the voices he recognizes. They’re from the third year classroom down the hall. 
“It’s like, I don’t know,”  Eto-san, he thinks. She’s come up to him before, more times than he can really count on one hand. Rin knows the type. Kind but not really. To the point it’s hard for anyone to call her out on it. “It’s weird how much she hangs around him. She’s not a bad girl or anything,” 
The addition makes Rin’s eye twitch. Yeah. He’s very familiar with this type. He keeps listening. Another voice, but he has no idea who this one is. 
“Really? But Senpai is pretty kind to me,” 
“Mm, I guess so. I just wonder if it makes Itoshi-kun uncomfortable, you know? With pushy people like that, it doesn’t matter how blunt you are. I just worry about him a bit.” 
If it wasn’t so annoying to listen in, Rin would laugh. He’s never understood girls. Especially not highschool ones. He doesn’t pay attention to that kind of social hierarchical shit to begin with, only forced to acknowledge it because other people do. None of it matters to him.
He does think back to what you said a week ago, about finding a place away from school to study. It clicks. You probably know they talk about you like this. Or you could surmise this outcome. Rin should expect that level of awareness from you. Sincere. Always attuned to everyone. Of course this is something you know but he doesn’t. 
Why didn’t you tell him? That’s annoying. It’s nothing he couldn’t deal with knowing. He would’ve got it if you explained it earlier. 
“Oh wow, you really care about him Eto-san,” 
There’s a soft chuckle that makes Rin annoyed. Is he supposed to feel grateful? They’ve barely spoken to each other.
“It’s not like that. It must be hard since he missed second year, that’s all.” 
With that, Rin decides to turn the corner. 
He’s a little pleased at the reaction. How everyone goes into complete silence when he arrives. He spares her a glance as he moves towards the vending machines, clicking in the buttons. A generic sports drink comes tumbling out of the bottom, and Rin grabs it with deliberate slowness - drawing out the unease. 
Eto-san gives him a blank stare before suddenly looking cheerful. She seems a little panicked, quickly trying to make conversation with him. The words don’t reach his ears as he stares down at her expressionlessly.
“Are you done?”  He says, ice-cold. She stutters at that. Rin suppresses a smile. 
“Oh, uhm, yeah. Sorry, were you busy?” 
“Yeah,” He says back, completely apathetic. 
He doesn’t plan on saying anymore in the first place. The little victories count. 
It does feel like some kind of magic when he hears your voice from the other end of the hallway. You’re practically shouting it, and following is the sound of the hall monitors telling you off for running as you barrel toward him full speed. He can hear the thud of your sneakers all the way till they skid to a stop. 
You’re out of breath, bent over your knees and messy as you put a hand up. Most times, he would be embarrassed. He’d even tell you off for being such an idiot. Right now, he finds the corners of his lips upturned as he stares at you from where you stand. 
“Oh, hey guys. Sorry, I had some business with this guy. Oh, Fujita-chan, your hair is cute today! I like how it looks up on you,”  You say, to the girl who was calling you kind just a minute ago “I hope he wasn’t too cruel to you. He’s actually afraid of women, it’s a generational curse. Every night he turns into a frog and—” 
You shuffle in front him, arms stretched out like a shield. He sticks his leg out and kicks your shin. You yelp in pain. 
“What the hell are you talking about? Shut up.” 
“Ow, you strong bastard. You’re a soccer player, please be more conscious of your kicks. What if you shattered my shin? I know you’re loaded but it’s the principle of the thing, you know—” 
“Stop talking or I’ll kick you a second time.” 
You go silent immediately. 
“Forgive me, Itoshi-sama. I’ve strayed from the path of righteousness. Alas, the people need you.” You say, turning around. 
“Speak clearly.” 
“Homeroom teacher wanted to double check with you about after graduation plans and told me to go get you.” 
“Why you?”
“I was already walking around for the newspaper club.” 
He nods, not needing any more explanation. 
“H-hey, aren’t you acting too friendly with him?” 
So she decided to speak. This makes you falter, just a little, and Rin detests the look of self-satisfaction on her face. He speaks this time. It’s not like he can’t fight any of his own battles. 
“It’s fine,” He says, not bothering to think about it. He looks at you, as you stare back at him where he stands, wide-eyed. Idiot. “I don’t mind.”
You grin at him. Big and rounded and stupid, with all of your teeth like you’re giddy. If the hallway monitor wasn’t up your ass, he figures you’d be skipping about now. You usher him into the hall, back where he came from, waving them off.
“Be seeing you guys, then! Bye!” 
And you’re off. It’s quiet until you’re both completely out of ear-shot. Before he can go any further you stand in front of him, hands behind your back with a dumb look on your face. He already knows what you’re going to say. 
“Hey. I really like you a lot. Just now… my heart was fluttering. I thought I was hallucinating,” 
“You’re a moron,” 
“Ahhh, what should I do? I’m all hot under the collar. Is this what it’s like being a maiden in love? It’s great.” 
“How can you say that knowing I’ve already rejected you?” 
“It’s because you’ve rejected me, I can say that.” 
And Rin doesn't really get it. He’s not sure he ever will. 
But you seem happy enough. He decides against prying. 
__
Somehow, you’ve ended up at Rin’s house. 
He doesn’t know how it happened. Really. 
He mentioned to his mother off-handedly that he needed to help someone study. He should’ve lied about it then, but coming off of running drills makes him pretty stupid. He uses most of his brain power when he trains. So in an altered state of mind due to dehydration, hunger and general exhaustion - he answered  honestly instead of lying. 
You’re helping someone study? Yes, they’re from my class. 
Is it a boy or a girl? A girl. We’re friends. 
You can’t study at the library? She doesn’t want to, so we’re trying to find somewhere else. 
Why not invite her here, if her parents are okay with it? Her parent’s don’t really pay enough attention to be bothered. 
Wait, what is he saying? 
Rin doesn’t know how it happened. Really. Really. He tried pretty hard to reject his mothers advances about the situation but he’s never been one to upset her. The whole thing with Sae really tore her up so they both had a silent agreement to try and get along at home. And since Rin is still living at home for now, he tries harder to listen to her. Even so, he wasn’t planning on yielding for this one. 
Rin is not immune to his mothers guilt. A long lecture about how her only sons never cared about anything but soccer and how she’s worried she’s never going to have grandchildren later, he finally gave in and gave you a call at his dinner table. 
He was hoping you would come through and reject the offer. Say something stupid about how that’s dangerous territory for a young girl in love and let his mom down gently. He forgot about your whole thing about responsibility and being a nice girl who gets along well with adults. 
And now, the door is ringing and Rin knows he’s going to open it to you. He mostly blames himself for not thinking ahead.
Rin opens the door on a Saturday afternoon and the first thing he thinks is that you’re not wearing your uniform. 
You look…different. It’s weird. Your hair is styled in an unusual way, tied with something like ribbon. You’re wearing something flowy and loose but the neck is a little rounder than usual. There’s a necklace there, a heart-pendant with a chain. You have in...earrings. 
Rin thinks vaguely that you look…something. He doesn’t know. But in his vision you’re like a troublesome and amorphous blob that yammers on about nothing. And right now you look…not like that. 
“You’re dressed up.” Are the first words to come out of his mouth. You blink at him owlishly.
“Oh. Yeah. I wanted to make a good impression on your mom so I tried not to look sloppy.” You say sheepishly. He leans against the doorframe. 
“She doesn’t care about stuff like that.” 
“Well I do, okay? Now, can I come in?” 
“The white slippers are for you.”
He steps aside and lets you in. You have perfect manners. He probably should’ve expected that. You take your shoes off neatly and place them on the rack the same way, slipping your feet into the slippers provided. Rin just watches, eyes tracing the curve of your neck. 
“Where’s your mom?” You ask.
“In the kitchen making dinner. You’re staying for dinner right?” 
You blink at him, surprised. 
“I mean it’s not like I can’t.” 
“She’d be upset if you didn’t.” He says noncommittally before walking you down to the kitchen. 
His mother is right where he expects. He stands in the corner as you shuffle in watching on. She turns around to look at you, wiping her hands on her apron. 
“Oh, my, you must be Rin’s friend? Such a lovely girl. Welcome! Welcome.” 
To this, you bow your head as deep as it can go. The air around you feels serious. Rin scoffs internally. There’s a strange feeling in his chest that he can’t describe, seeing you bowing in front of his mom. An itch he can’t reach, locked tight around his ribs. 
You give his mother your name first and she smiles like she’s absolutely delighted just hearing it. 
“Thank you for having me. I brought some fruit with me as a gift, I hope that’s alright.” 
His mom shoots him a look that Rin deflects by turning away, opening the plastic bag you’ve handed to her. 
“Oh my! Aren’t these expensive fruits? Please thank your parents for me!” 
“Oh no, don’t worry about that. I work part-time, so I paid for them myself. It was the least I could do. I’m grateful for the tutoring.” 
You tense up, realizing that might’ve been an awkward thing to say. It isn’t. Even if it was, Rin’s mother has always been soft-hearted. His dad tells him they’re a lot alike but Rin doesn’t see it. Whatever it may be, Rin’s mom is too doting and too sociable to let you feel bad. Right now she seems emotional, an expression between empathy and pride. She reaches for you like it’s the most natural thing in the world, patting your head gently.
“How diligent. Thank you, then, for the fruit.” 
Rin can’t see your face but it’s easy to picture. 
“Of course. And pardon the intrusion! And uhm, thank you for having me for dinner.” 
Clumsy. Rin thinks you’re clumsy. A flickering light. His mom laughs brightly and tells you not to worry. She leans in closer like she’s whispering but Rin can hear her loud and clear. 
“Rin can be very brash but he’s a good boy, so thank you for being kind to him.” 
He feels embarrassed. Even readies himself to intervene. 
“He is very kind to me.” 
Wait. What?
His mom smiles even brighter, and mouths something like ‘take care of her’ when you’re not looking. He wants to stop it before it starts. You’re not dating. You’re hardly even friends, you’re just here to study. Rin almost wants to shout it, but he’s stuck. Before he can do any of that, you’re turning around and smiling like you haven’t said anything strange. 
What do you mean he’s kind to you? When his whole thing is rejecting you mercilessly? Being cruel?
What kind of person would ever describe him as kind? 
He can’t find the words he wants to say, so he takes you to his room in silence. 
__
You both make it to Rin’s room in one piece.
You’ve been studying now for about an hour. Given your personality, Rin was expecting more of a fuss. He thought you’d make some comment about being in a boys room and then fight off the actual studying like the plague. 
Much to his surprise, you started studying with him right away. Rin tries his best to tutor you, though he does make fun of you in the process. But you’re a try-hard all the same, stopping only to ask questions and get clarification occasionally.
You’ve been focused that whole time, miraculously enough. Rin studies too, but only a bit, after deciding to study some recent matches instead. 
( Every now and again, he’ll glance at you. Just to see if you’re stuck or still working. Each time, he gets caught up on the fact you’re not in your uniform and has to tear his eyes away. ) 
After a bout of silence, you yawn out loud, quietly shutting your workbook. 
“I’ve finished all my practice problems for today,” You announce, before deciding to lay down on his floor “I’m beat.” 
“I thought you were gonna give up before you started.”  Rin admits. You frown at him. 
“I was serious about needing tutoring. Thanks for all your help.” 
“I already told you it’s fine. Is there anything else? Finals are next week.” 
You shake your head. 
“Mm, I don’t think so. One of the guys from the newspaper club helped me with math so I’ll be okay.” 
…Huh? 
“From the newspaper club?” 
“Huh? Yeah. Murata-senpai. We’re in the same year. He’s a few months older so he insists on making me call him Senpai.” 
“And he helped you with math?” 
“Yeah. He was a delinquent like, all of first year but he really cleaned up his act. He’s actually really gentle.”
Rin frowns at that. 
“Do people usually describe delinquents as gentle?”  
You make a noise of indignance from where you’re laid on his floor. 
“Hey. Murata-senpai is really nice, okay? And he is gentle, so I won’t tolerate your usual judginess.” 
Rin rolls his eyes. 
“How’d you even meet him?” 
“Uh…I wanted to write a column about him, basically. He was helping in the garden last year and I kinda…stalked him. It sounds worse than it is. I just wanted to know what made him change.” 
“So stalking people is pretty typical for you.” 
You sit up and gape at him. Rin suppresses a laugh. 
“Anyways. I eventually flagged him down for an interview. Apparently, he had a real scare with his granny getting sick and decided he needed to cut the shit. He’s a good guy. He joined the newspaper club after the interview,” 
“After the interview…?” 
You nod, leaning forward with your elbows on the table in front of you. 
“Uh-huh. Said he was interested because of my passion or something. He’s been really nice to me ever since and helps me with all of the ideas I have.” You soften as you talk about it. Rin feels an ugly emotion in his chest “I’m worried about what will happen to the club after graduation, but Senpai is always encouraging me to make the most out of the time we still have. So I’m really thankful for him. That’s why you have to be nice.” 
Rin is super annoyed. He doesn’t know why he’s so annoyed but he is. How do you not realize this guy likes you? He doesn’t know why he’s opening his mouth to tell you what’s so obvious. It’s not like it really matters. Rin doesn’t like you in the first place, so if he informs you that your beloved Murata-senpai has feelings for you - it’s no big deal. 
In fact it might be better for everyone if you realize. He’s just frustrated by how clueless you can be sometimes. 
“He’s interested in you,” Rin says, against his better judgment. It feels like the words are welling up in his throat “Your senpai or whatever.” 
You blink at him stupidly. He wonders if you’re wearing mascara. 
“Huh? I doubt that somehow. Senpai is kind to me but I think he sees me like a little sister.” 
He scoffs at you. 
“You would think that. Most guys aren’t just nice to girls they don’t like.” 
“Not everyone is like you, yanno.” You say back without thinking twice. That’s not the point this time, he wants to say. And he’s right for this one. Anyone else with half of a brain would realize. You’re just… you. Which means you’re absolutely unaware of things pertaining to you. It’s the only reason he can think you’d deny something so obvious. 
The only reason you could come to the house of a boy you liked just to study. 
“Shut up. I’m saying this because you’re too much of a dumbass to put it together on your own. The guy definitely likes you.” 
“I didn’t know you were a love guru,” You say sarcastically, sticking your tongue out at him. Childish. Annoying “It doesn’t matter if he does.” 
“Why wouldn’t it matter?” 
You give him an incredulous look. 
“Unfortunately my heart is captured by an aloof sportsman.” 
He doesn’t know why he feels relieved when you say that. He feels his heart all the way in his throat like he’s going to throw it up, even though his expression remains impassive. 
“You already know I don’t like you, though. It’s a good opportunity, isn’t it? Don’t a lot of people move on that way.”
You shake your head. 
“I’m not that sort of wishy-washy woman.” You reply, huffing your chest up and trying to ease the tension. You stop to shake your head, a small smile on your face. “You wouldn’t get it even if I explained.” 
“It’s annoying when you do that,” Rin voices, not bothering to cut it any other way “You did that with the girls at school too. I’m never gonna get it if you don’t bother explaining it to me.” 
You soften at this, then whisper. 
“...Why do you care?” But it’s not said with any malice. It’s not said sadly either. Just curious. He freezes, but doesn’t let it show. He wants to ask himself the same question. 
“I don’t. It’s just,” And he scoffs, not looking at your face “It’s a pain.” 
You hum, not expecting more of an answer. 
“I want to treasure my own feelings towards you,” You say, and something in Rin feels like it’s being set on fire. “It’s not just about having a boyfriend. If it was, then I’d consider Senpai's feelings.” 
“...So it’s about me, specifically?” 
“Yeah,” You say without offering any more explanation than that “It is. I like you.”
The words but why, linger in the air. You seem to be feeling merciful, as you lean back on your palms and stare up at his ceiling. You wear your heart outside of your body, more often than not. And he thinks that part of you is so hard to get used to. 
“You’re really awkward. And aloof. And you don’t have any friends.” 
“Is this some kind of revenge or…?” 
“But. You’re also sensitive. The more I know you, the more I think you’re kind and well-meaning. You uh, remind me of a cat.” 
He blinks. 
“A cat?” 
“A cat. Sometimes they want their own space. And sometimes they knock your water off your desk for fun. Plus they only really care about people in their own circle,”
“Again, is this—” 
“Let me finish, jeez. They’re solitary creatures. But like when they accept you, they get comfortable. An’ nice . And they look out for you in their own way. To me you’re a lot like that.” 
You give him a smile so warm it makes his back hot. So loud and so vibrant like it burst out of him at any minute. 
“I’ve uh, always been interested in you. I watched you play in Bluelock too. I kept thinking to myself, there’s something about you. I want to know more, even if it’s just a little. Stuff like that.” You talk so quietly yet it’s all Rin can hear. All Rin can see in his vision is you. All Rin can think about is you. “I’ve always been interested in other peoples stories.  So I thought, what a waste it would be, to throw away that feeling because of something like love or like. I thought, ‘What's your story, Itoshi Rin?’” 
Rin doesn’t know what to say so he chooses to say nothing. 
“When I confessed, I knew you would never like me. Because that’s just the sort of person everyone says you are. Still, what a waste, right? You miss all the shots you don’t take or whatever. So, I wanted to get to know you. I guess.”  
“I don’t get it. I get what you’re like but it still doesn’t make any sense. There’s nothing special to know, is there?” 
“Feeling that is special, don’t you think? That’s a special reason to me.” 
He doesn’t follow. You laugh lightly. 
“If I never became interested in Murata-senpai’s story, I would’ve never been his friend. If I gave up on trying to know you, just because you didn’t return to my one-sided feelings, then I would’ve never gotten to know you either. Don’t you think that’s a waste?” 
Rin doesn’t know. He’s never really cared about it. He’s rejected so many confessions and never once thought enough about any of them in any depth. That part of you is foreign. He can chalk it up to a difference in character. He can’t understand wanting to know someone just because. 
(Or maybe he can. He just hasn’t until now. Until this very moment, suspended in time. Where he wants to know what things make you the way you are.) 
Some small, dark part of him wants to ask why. Over and over until his throat feels raw - long enough to understand it. Even as he grips onto that desire so tight, with such bruising force, the words sit in his mouth. They taste like iron. They taste like a bitten tongue. If you’ve watched him all this time, then you know. Being chosen. He’s never been confident in that. Rin wants to ask, why him? 
What’s so special? Enough to keep talking to him? Enough to do any of this? Is getting to know people is always this difficult, he wonders. Does it always feel uncomfortable to be in proximity with someone? 
In the end, he can’t bring himself to ask. He can’t even bear to examine it in himself, the sense of dread washing over him like sickness. He’s nauseous. And this time, there’s a residue of tension he’s finding increasingly difficult to ignore. 
You come through again. He wonders if you can read his mind just like you do with all the nobodies at school. 
“Rin-kun,” You say, your voice like the summer heat. “Getting to know you makes me feel like my feelings aren’t a waste. I’m happy getting to know you. I want to treasure that.” 
What happens when you run out of things to know? The question is too heavy. He settles on a different one. He wants to understand it more. Just to put himself at ease. 
“Isn’t being in the same room with someone who rejected you uncomfortable?” 
“Maybe. But there’s a clear line for me and you, so it’s cool. In like, ten years, maybe someone will interview me about you. As your classmate and stuff. And I’ll go - ‘He’s actually a really nice guy. I actually had a crush on him.’ If I can say that, without being regretful, then that’ll be enough for me.” 
“That’ll be enough for you? Really?” 
“Really.” 
“You’re so weird.” He says, unsure of what else he could possibly say. You giggle, and lay back down on his floor. 
“I knew you’d say that.” 
__ 
Summer comes. 
It doesn’t occur to Rin how often he sees you in school until it all comes to  a halt. He has your number, and you text him often - about unimportant and trivial shit that you think of. In that way, it doesn’t even really feel like you’ve separated. 
But the sudden absence of your chattering in his life makes everything feel especially quiet. Summer is a boring time for Rin. It’s mostly the same. Practicing and playing and studying. On the few occasions he’s been out, it’s because some of the other Bluelock members are gathering and refuse to let him know even a breath of peace.
He’s seen Sae now, though they never really talk about anything. Sort of just look at each other and exchange enough words that their mom doesn’t cry before going back to their room. Sae will be gone before school starts back up again, so Rin isn’t all that worried about it. 
It occurs to Rin for the first time that this summer will be the last of his highschool days. He’s never been sentimental about stuff like that - so he figures you’re to blame for these sudden thoughts. 
Your summer has been a lot busier than his. He should probably expect this from you by now, but your surprisingly youthful social life always shocks him. You’ve been working part-time as usual. In that time though, you’ve also been to the beach and been on an overnight trip to Osaka with your newspaper club. 
(Rin wasn’t happy to hear about this. He was relieved to know it was with a teacher and that you roomed with a girl. But still, not exactly his favorite of anecdotes for the summer.) 
You’ve invited Rin more than once to come hang out with you, but he’s basically always declined. The group setting is troublesome, but being alone with you feels even worse somehow. It wouldn’t be a date, obviously, but it would be something. Something deliberate. 
Rin doesn’t know if he can come see you in good faith for such a reason. 
It’s another day spent doing his usual. Being technical, it’s a rest day, which means he’s only allowed to stretch. He has done his basics. Studied, messed around with his ball, responded to a barrage of texts from Bachira and Isagi. He played games for a while, checking out a new horror game before deciding it’d be best not to get too sucked in so he has something to play next time. 
After all that, during a mid-August day while Rin sits on his couch and watches T.V., he receives a facetime call from you for the very first time. At first, he just lets it ring. But when it keeps ringing - he figures your persistence is going to continue unless he replies. 
He looks around. No one's home, so he doesn’t need to go to his room. He swipes, and the call connects. The screen shows him, propped up against something with a full shot of your room. You’re turned away from the camera. Rin just stares. 
“Oh, shit - did you actually pick up?” 
“Should I hang up.” 
“No! No, I just wasn’t expecting you. Don’t hang up. I need a guy's opinion.” 
“What? What for?” 
“I got in a fight with my brother about a dress I bought,” You say, exasperated, and Rin is surprised because you hardly see him. “I know he’s probably looking out for me but I don’t think we talk enough for him to be telling me how to dress.” 
“He’s older than you, right? Maybe you should listen to him.” 
“You’re the last person I want to hear that from. Either way, I’m not a kid. I’m already 18 and I’m going to college. It’s a cute dress! I feel like it’s fine.”
“So..why’d you call me again?” 
“I’m gonna try it on and show you. Murata-senpai is busy.” 
“You shouldn’t do that to a guy who likes you.” Rin deadpans. You laugh.
“Shut up. I really need an opinion. I wanted to wear it to go out today so if it’s actually too provocative then I have to change my outfit.” 
“Where are you even going?” 
“My friend needs to get a concealer, so probably the mall or something. After that I’ll go buy some stationary.” 
“Alone? What about your friend?” 
“She’s gonna go see her boyfriend.” 
“Why can’t you just go with them? Or ask them to go with you” 
“And third wheel? I’m good. I just need some stationary and then I’ll be home. Easy peasy. Anyway, what’s with the interrogation?” 
“It’s not interrogation.” He insists. You’re offscreen so Rin can’t see you, but he can hear the sound of a zipper echo in the speakers. He’s also sure you’re rolling your eyes. 
When you come on camera, the dress of the hour is on display. Rin’s first thought is to tell you to take it off. It is too provocative to him. The front is fine as is, but it’s nearly backless and it’s cut too high on your thighs. He’s never seen so much of your skin. Maybe that’s a given, since he didn’t go to the beach with you either. 
You give him a quick spin, before patting the front down. You say something, but the words don’t register. It feels like his brain is full of cotton or something. 
“So? Too much? I mean it’s backless but like. I don’t know, it’s kind of loose? And the sleeves are long. Neckline isn’t that bad, either.” 
Rin just says what he thinks “You shouldn’t go out alone wearing it.” 
You frown at him. 
“That’s not helpful, Rin-kun.” 
“It’s…fine. What time does your friend have to go?” 
“Probably right after we’re done.” 
He sighs. 
“Tell her to go with her boyfriend early. I’ll come with you to get your stationary.” 
“Wait, what? Did I hear that right? You’re coming to get me? After I’ve been hounding you to hang out? What’s with the change of heart?” 
“I don’t have anything to do since it’s a rest day. You need stuff and I don’t think you should be out alone. Don’t read into it.” 
“Kinda hard not too but I’m not gonna complain. Are you coming right now?” 
“Yeah. Send me your address.” 
__ 
Rin has no idea what impulse has brought him here. 
That’s not entirely true. What brought him to your apartment towards the end of summer is impulse. He acted on nothing but impulse.
Rin, for better or for worse, finds that you’re clueless about yourself. The fact you were going to call Murata-senpai is already bothering him enough. That, along with the fact you wore the dress and didn’t think it was too short is troubling. It’s not that Rin wants to tell you what not to wear. He doesn’t have the right but you did ask. 
Anyway, it’s a lot less agitating if you’re being accompanied while wearing it. Going alone in something like that, even if it’s the middle of summer, would be stupid.  
Rin doesn’t make it a habit of worrying about the outfits of girls he doesn’t know. He does know you though. He thinks you’d be really annoying if something happened and you got upset about it. So, all he’s doing is preventing that outcome. It’s nothing more than that. 
He knocks on your door as he shakes the thoughts out of his head, and he’s greeted by a man in his late twenties. It dawns on Rin that this is your brother. He really didn’t think this through. 
Your brother is an imposing person. He’s a head taller than Rin with a gruff voice and a scar on his cheek. Rin stares at him blankly. 
“Who are you?” 
“Itoshi Rin. I’m here for—” 
“Nii-san, tell Rin-kun to come inside and sit! I’m not done getting ready.” 
Your brother glares at him. 
“Who’s he? Your boyfriend? Is that why—” 
You come stumbling out of your room, half-dressed and Rin immediately averts his eyes. This is the most uncomfortable experience of his life.
“He’s not my boyfriend. He already rejected me, so we’re just friends. Stop fussing and let him in, it’s hot out.” 
“He rejected you?” 
Rin should just leave. 
“I already knew he was going to. Now move,” 
Rin doesn’t enjoy being involved in your sibling quarrel. Suddenly, he feels a twinge of regret about some old Bluelock memories. He understands it now more than ever, gaining a little empathy. 
Your brother moves out of the way. You’re standing in the hall, with a single stocking on and powder on your face he’s pretty sure is meant to be brushed. You grin at him. 
“Sorry! I won’t be long, promise. You got here faster than I thought you would.” 
Rin can feel a pair of eyes in the back of his skull. 
“Uh. Yeah. I took the bus so it was quick.” 
“It might be uncomfortable here. Do you wanna sit in my room instead? It’s colder but it’s kind of a mess—” 
“He can sit here.”  Your brother insists. Rin is never leaving his house again. You frown. 
“Didn’t I already tell you we’re not dating? He’s not even interested in me, it’s not like anything is gonna happen.” 
“It’s the principle of it.”  Yeah. Definitely siblings. 
“Whatever. If you make him uncomfortable, I’m gonna yell at you. Rin-kun, sorry. Do you need anything? Juice? Water?” 
Your hospitality throws him off. You’re different at home. 
“Uh. No. I’m okay.” 
“Okay, then I’ll hurry and get dressed. Nii-san, please be civil.” 
With that, you flounce back up to your room. Your brother is staring hard in Rin’s direction. He’s not intimidated. It’s just… so awkward it’s kind of unbearable for him. What do people usually do in this situation? Rin’s not exactly the sociable type.
“She confessed to you?” 
Rin is startled. 
“Uh. Yeah. In April.” 
“And you’re friends?” 
“She asked to be friends.” 
Your brother looks distressed. 
“I don’t understand that girl at all.” 
Rin doesn't either. 
“What’s she like in school?” 
Rin stares. Oh. He’s that kind of older brother. 
“Uh. Busy. She’s in the newspaper club so she’s always doing something. She has a lot of friends and gets along with our class.” 
“I see…that’s good. I’m always worried about her. Our family has  always been busy and I moved out when I was 18 so… we don’t see much of each other. She doesn’t talk about herself that much either.” 
Rin nods absently. What circle of hell is this? 
“She probably thinks I’m just being overprotective,” Bullseye “But I just worry she grew up too fast.” 
Rin thinks if he were a different kind of guy, now would be the time he gives your older brother an encouraging heart to heart. The script is there. It’s just not how he honestly feels. Rin doesn’t take pleasure in defending you. But it’s hypocritical and a little ridiculous to hear it from him.
Some of it is leftover resentment from Sae. The rest is knowing you.
You did grow up too fast. From what he knows about teenage girls, they’re supposed to be…meaner. More hysterical. More inconsiderate. Less responsible and more in the moment. Messy. All teenagers are, really. 
For all the ways you are clumsy and ridiculous, sometimes Rin thinks you’re too off-puttingly mature. It wouldn’t kill you to be more selfish. To be just a little less self-reliant. It’s not normal is it? To be so grateful for things you’re owed. It bothers him. Always has. 
Rin knows what the script is. But it bothers him. 
“If you know that then you don’t really have any right to intervene,” Rin says bluntly. “Suddenly acting protective and considerate when she grew up on her own  is just going to feel stifling. Aren’t you just trying to make yourself feel better?” 
He looks surprised by his answer. Hurt too. 
“I guess that’s right,” 
He frowns. 
“If you actually care, just be honest. She’s not the type of person to turn someone away on a grudge.” 
Before Rin can feel embarrassed about what he’s said, you come stumbling down the steps all dressed up. Your brother gives you a look. 
“Do you need any money?” 
You look at him confused then shake your head no. 
“Okay. Stay safe and have fun.” 
He turns to leave. You watch him go. Rin puts his hands in his pockets like he’s trying to wipe himself of it. 
“Weird… anyways. Ready to go?” 
“Yeah.” 
__ 
Your outing goes well. 
Outing. Not a date. No matter how many times people mistake you two for being on a date today - it was nothing more than an outing. 
You start with stationary for the upcoming term, then you drag Rin to the mall because you need some more clothes. After that, you go into a bookstore to pick up some manga. Rin has fun there because he gets to pick out some new releases and you bond mutually over your tastes. Rin learns both like thrillers. You spend a lot of time together, reading over his shoulder. 
It’s not a date. But it wasn’t bad. He’s so used to talking to you that the entire situation doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. You’re funnier than he’s usually willing to give you credit for. Doing all that, plus train rides, makes it so you’re not home until sundown. You, however, refuse to end the night without having some kind of treat. After a lot of begging Rin to cheat on his meal plan, the two of you get ice-cream and you drag Rin to a local playground. Apparently you bring your neighbors' kids here sometimes. 
Now he’s here.  Sitting on swings with ice-cream and it is still not a date. Rin has no opinions on the day but you’re practically bursting at the seams with happiness. The dress you’re wearing is hiking up on your thigh from how you’re sitting. He was right to accompany you, by the way. The amount of creeps he’s had to stare down today alone is outright disgusting. 
Rin takes a spoonful of ice-cream and lets it melt in his mouth. You let your feet hit the mulch beneath you as you lick the ice-cream carefully - trying desperately not to let it spill on your hand. He watches on in amusement. After you finally get a handle on it, you give him a small look. 
“I had fun today,” You say sentimentally. Rin feels his stomach tie in knots “Thank you.”
He frowns. 
“Gross. Stop that.” 
“Aw, c’mon. You’re so edgy. Just admit you had fun! You had a fantastic and whimsical time.” 
He gives you an unimpressed stare. 
“Really? Nothing? You’re not feeling the flames of youthful joy in your loins at all?” 
“Describing it like that is disgusting.” 
“So you admit you know what it is.” 
Rin wants to smile. Fuck, he hates you. 
“...It wasn’t bad.” 
You grin. You’re so annoying.
“Ladies and gents, we got an ‘it wasn’t bad’ from the ever soulless Itoshi Rin!” 
Stupid. So stupid.
“It was more tolerable than hanging out with some of my other dipshit friends.” 
You clasp a hand over your mouth dramatically. 
“Oh…Oh wow… Do you want to try proposing next? The set-up is there. Perfect ambience.” 
His face cracks into a begrudging smile. 
“You’re insufferable.” 
You suddenly go quiet. When Rin looks at you, you’re stunned
“Why’re you being weird?” 
“No, sorry, I was just thinking I really like you,” You say, like it’s the easiest and most natural thing in the world “I’ve never seen you smile before. It’s nice.” 
“...Your ability to say cringy shit like that so easily is astounding to me.” 
“I don’t want to hear this from the guy who unironically uses lukewarm,” You say, biting into your ice-cream cone. Rin blushes. “Besides, nothing wrong with being cringe when you’re in love.” 
“Freak.” 
You give him a thumbs up. 
“One of a kind.” 
There’s a beat of silence. It’s comfortable. Rin eats his too, probably a little slower than he has to. Summer feels heavy in the air. 
“You weren’t always like..an edgelord, right?” 
Rin stares at you, perplexed by how sudden the question is. 
“Where’d you hear that from?” 
“Your mom after dinner. You already went upstairs. Said you had a nasty fight with your brother.” 
He doesn’t say anything, posture stiffening at the mention of Sae. 
“It’s not your business.” 
“Hey. No need for the attitude. I’m curious as your number one fan.” You say, trying to back off as much as possible. Like he’s some kind of feral cat you’re trying to calm. “Don’t be mad, okay? You don’t have to talk about it.” 
You try your best to be soothing and Rin softens 
He is angry. Not at you. Not really.  The mention of Sae just does that to him. And if anyone else even thought to bring it up - he’d probably tell them to go fuck themselves with nothing but bitter hatred. 
With you, there’s not any of that. There’s a lingering sense of hesitance - an internal conflict, but not anger. Rin’s never enjoyed opening his heart to anyone. 
Even so, he feels compelled to tell you, so he does.
“My brothers a dick,” Resentment seeps into his words “He came back from overseas and then basically insulted me for a minute straight. We were always meant to play soccer together but he went through something. He changed. We never talked about it,” 
“What? He insulted you for no reason? That’s so weird. Did you always have a bad relationship?” 
Rin sits with himself quietly. 
“I don’t know if we have one now. We were close as kids. At least.” 
“And he just… came back and started being an asshole to you? Seriously?” 
Rin nods. There’s not much else to the story. Rin’s tried hard not to think about the situation itself. He only uses the feelings that stayed behind to make him better. To give him a reason to play - it’s motivation and nothing more. If he starts to view it too much like what it is, betrayal, he’s afraid everything inside of him will collapse. 
“There’s probably more to it than that,” You conclude thoughtfully. Rin thinks the same “But still. You’re his baby brother. Even if he’s going through something…” 
Rin scoffs “You sound like you’re worried about him.” It comes out more petulantly than he expects 
“Not really. Not as much as I’m worried about you,” You counter, giving him a small smile. Rin feels his heart leap into his throat “I just figure, you know, maybe thinking about it like that would help. You were close right? Your mom said he used to dote on you,” 
Rin nods. He feels his chest swell and tighten. 
“Then…I bet it sucked. I bet it was hard. Or at least, it must’ve been lonely to go through that,” You say, frown deepening “Such a sudden change would be hard for anyone to deal with, I think. It’s okay if you feel like it’s unfair. His reasons aside.” 
You sigh, suddenly, covering your hands with your face. 
“What?” Rin asks. You shake your head. 
“You poor thing. I wanna hug you to death you know. A good squeeze. I’m trying to refrain.” You say, stomping your feet just slightly. He feels a flush crawl up his neck, turning his head to look away. 
“...It’s not like I’m stopping you.” 
He doesn’t have the courage to look at you. Not as he says it, or after to steal a glance of what face you're making. Instead, he hears the metal of the chain and feels the warmth of your body. It’s a tight hug. You’re standing and he’s sitting, your arms around his neck, his face directly against your chest. He widens his eyes. He wants to yell at you for being a defenseless idiot, but the feeling of being hugged so tightly washes the words away. You’re soft…and warm. He’s never been hugged by someone who isn’t his mom or brother before, and he can’t remember the last time either thing happened to him. You pat his head. 
Do you touch people like this often? So casually? Or is he special because you like him, he wants to ask. He wants to ask but doesn’t want to know the answer, pushing the feeling down as deep as he can make it go. He wraps his arms around you loosely, above your waist trying to be respectful.  
But he leans into the warmth. Like it’s something that happens once in a lifetime. 
“Hey, Rin.”  You say, soft. He can feel the warmth of your breath against his hair. 
“Hn.” 
“I hope you kick your brother's ass in soccer.” 
You sound teary. Weirdly, it makes Rin feel better. 
“Yeah.”
__ 
School starts up again during September. 
The autumn season welcomes warm colors, fallen leaves and the sort of cool weather that puts the summer uniforms back up on the hangers. Rin is listening to music when he spots you waiting for him at the gate, waving your hand at him. He has half a mind to ignore you, you’re so embarrassing. 
But before he can pretend not to see, you’re jogging over to him. He has to stand so you don’t end up bumping into him. You walk like you were born backwards, two left feet with such little awareness of your surroundings it stresses Rin out. 
He gives you a blank stare as you smile, securing your bag to your shoulder. 
“Look what the cat dragged in,” You say warmly. Rin pauses to look at you. You look different somehow. Lately you always do, Rin wonders if you’ve picked up some weird shape-shifting in your time apart “Are you excited for the new semester, hm? Hmm?” 
He keeps walking and you fall in step with him. You try but he’s too fast, so he slows just a little. He clicks his teeth, shaking his head, eyes taking in the view of the building in front him.
“Why would I be excited?” 
You shrug. 
“Because winter break  is close? Because there’s fun leaves outside? Because it’s your birthday in 6 days?”
He stops dead in his tracks. 
“What the hell? Why do you know that?” 
“Your mom told me.” You say, skipping along happily to school like you didn’t just say something insane. His frown deepens. 
“You have my moms number? You talk to my mom?” 
“She loves me,” You say casually, turning only to look at him and stick your tongue out “And she’s nice. Get over it.” 
With this, you rush into the building faster, giggling as you leave. Rin, frustrated, stomps after you. 
__
Your time together at lunch continues into fall. It’s the third day of the term, September 6th and you’re sitting by his side. The two of you eat in casual silence now, falling into a regular routine. There’s something about the whole ordeal that makes Rin feel a little funny. 
Friendship, as it stands, is still a lukewarm idea to him. But sprawled out next to you in a comfortable quiet isn’t the worst thing. The weather is cool enough to be nice and the daylight lasts for just the right amount of time to see sunset when he treks back home from practicing shooting into the net. 
That kind of sentimental viewing of his surroundings is a bad habit he’s picked up from you. He can’t seem to shake it off. He’s tried at least, but Rin has been stopping to look at everything nowadays. The sun, the trees, the cars passing. Everything passes right by his life, slowly. 
Eventually, eventually this whole thing will cease. You’ll never see Rin again and he’ll never see you - and you’ll part your separate ways. Thinking about that feels so stifling. But he figures since that’s the case, there’s probably not any harm in letting the time pass like this. As long as he’s still improving. 
Your voice doesn’t catch him off-guard anymore, no matter how loud it is after a long bout of silence. You stuff something into your mouth, a tomato he thinks. 
“Rin-kun,” You start, tilting your head to one-side “Are you doing anything for your birthday?” 
“No.” He answers immediately because he never does. He hasn’t done much since Sae left home and now that he’s a third year and about to be 18, there’s even less of a desire to pull together a party and celebrate. 
“What? Boo. That’s so lame.” 
“Don’t be so childish.” 
“I’m older than you, you dummy,” You say with such automation that Rin doesn’t even get the chance to process “You’re not even gonna have cake? Nothing?” 
“My mom might but I don’t have any plans.” 
“Your mom is so nice.” 
“Stop.” 
You frown at him but don’t say any more.  You look like you have something on your mind. Probably something stupid, but Rin can’t help but wonder what’s making your brow crease so intensely. 
“What?” He snips. You flick your eyes to him and shake your head. 
“I just think it’s a waste,” You say simply, that tone of fondness seeping into it that Rin can’t get used to. “It’s such a big number, you know? A little cake and some show tunes or something would suffice.” 
Rin scoffs. 
“I don’t care about it. It’s pointless to me. Lukewarm” He says, before noticing your genuine sadness. He sighs a little to himself “Stop looking like a depressed mutt.” 
“I’m not a dog.” 
“I guess dogs are more well-trained.’ 
“Hey. Hey, what the hell do you mean by that?” 
He ignores you. 
“Anyway, stop worrying about it.”
You pout. 
“Easier said than done.”. 
__ 
Rin’s morning routine has been the exact same for two years. 
He starts by opening the window, to let fresh air and sunlight come in through the glass. He feels like his room gets stale overnight and it wakes him up to taste the sun in the back of his mouth. He takes a deep breath of it, clearing out his lungs and blinking his eyes open. 
After that he stretches. He unfurls a Bluelock brand yoga mat onto his carpeted floor and gets to his usual cycle. It’s integral for an athlete to keep their muscles stretched, functioning like a well-oiled machine. He has it down pat. He starts from the bottom up, stretching his legs and working up to his arms and shoulders. His legs always come first since he’s a striker, always focusing on the mobility of his calves and foot before he stretches out his thigh.
His core, then his chest and arms. When he’s done with all that - he practices yoga for fifteen minutes. Again with mobility but this time full body, like making sure each of his limbs work with each other without any stops. He’ll sit back down after those minutes are up to meditate for another fifteen - clear his mind of absolutely anything stuck in it. It’s the most peace he gets on any given day. 
At the end, he sits with his feelings. Carefully, he undoes the wrapped clothed box around his heart and stares at it as it sits in his lap. Beating and raw and melancholy blue  - so full of sadness and anger like it could burst at any minute. Revisiting his sadness and rage is a necessity. Sometimes it feels like only sadness. Only monochrome. 
(He wonders if a day will come where that part of his routine is changed. If ever, he’ll unwrap his own heart only to see it pink or golden yellow or even a softer shade of red. He wonders if the colors ever change, or if time will fade them.) 
All of this happens before he even brushes his teeth. The rest of his morning routine is keeping his room neat. He folds the comforter on his bed, puts any dirty clothes away, and gets dressed. He doesn’t really style his hair - it’s so pin straight after washing he normally just has to brush it to keep it nice. 
After that he has breakfast, and checks through his bag. On days he has school he goes to school and comes back to practice. If he’s home alone - he picks one of many other things to do. He tends to practice closer to evening, taking a shower before he goes to sleep. 
On the morning of Rin’s 18th birthday, he’s only really acutely aware of the date. His morning starts the exact same as it has everyday for nearly two years. Nothing to make him feel particularly different. When he looks in the mirror, he still sees his brother's face and when he looks at his heart it’s still a steely, melancholy blue. 
When he comes down stairs, though - there’s a pair of shoes he doesn’t recognize. And there’s a humming traveling down the hall and always the way up towards him that he knows quite well. 
He thinks, for a minute, he might still be dreaming. Why you would be in his house on a Saturday morning makes absolutely no sense otherwise. 
He slips his feet into his gray slippers and treks into the living room, only to find you in view of the open kitchen. There’s a balloon attached to flowers and a spread of fruits on the table. Orange juice in a cold glass. You with his moms borrowed apron, humming contentedly as you bend over the stove. 
Rin doesn’t know what the feeling is. He doesn’t know if he’s irritated or not. Just that it’s so overwhelming to see you in his kitchen, marching to the beat of your own drum like you always do. 
“What the hell are you doing in my house?” 
You startle when you hear his voice, whipping around to face him. Dramatically putting a hand on your chest - you shoot him an unfriendly glare. 
“Well hello to you too.” 
“Answer my question.” He demands. You click your teeth. 
“Well, obviously I’m making breakfast. We’re celebrating your birthday.” 
“Without telling me.” 
You snap your fingers before giving him finger guns “Precisely. Genius deduction, Itoshi-sama.” 
“What the fuck. Where are my parents.” 
“They’re out on a day-trip! It’s a Saturday. They’ll be back here on Sunday afternoon. Read the note.” 
“What were you gonna do if I had last minute plans?” 
“You don’t though?” You say like knowing that is so obvious. He knows you asked but still “I guess I’d turn around and make my own breakfast. Give you your gift at school or something.” 
“Why are you here?” He asks a little softer this time. With a little more emotion, just a touch. He never expects anyone to make a fuss about his birthday. 
Rin doesn’t really ask for much. Certainly wouldn’t ask for this on his own accord. That’s a vain thing to do, right? 
It occurs to Rin that this is the kind of birthday you do for someone you like. Someone you love. You’re always confessing your feelings to him. You only say it when you’re sure. It wasn’t like Rin didn’t know you had feelings for him, because the point of it all had been for you to try and get rid of them. Or honor them, or deal with them in whatever way you saw fit. Rin had agreed on a whim to help you with that. Your friendship had started with the very notion that you liked Itoshi Rin and he didn’t like you back. It’s not some secret. 
When the light pours in through the windows and hits your back and for the first time - Rin understands what the fuss is about being in love is. He’s sure that this strange, grotesque warmth is the aftermath of being liked. He always thought it’d feel more simple. That he’d remain unmoved in the face of it because he was different.
It’s not like he’s unloved. He’s sure his parents love him. His brother did too. Still does, Rin thinks. 
But it’s the first time someone has made their feelings so clear to him. Someone who isn’t supposed to love or like him. And even Rin, chronically apathetic, can’t bring himself to ignore the weight of knowing that. He stares at you, dumbstruck. 
You’re still turned to him. There’s a cool tumbler of iced-coffee sitting on the counter that you sip, head tilted to one side. 
“Well, I don’t know,” You start, a hand on your hip “It just felt like too much of a waste to do nothing on your birthday. But you’re not the kind of guy who likes big celebrations. So I thought maybe just hanging out would be more your speed.”
Rin swallows. “Seriously?” 
“Seriously.”
“Bold thing to assume.” 
You frown back. 
“Well, I was gonna invite Isagi-kun—“
“Isagi? How do you know Isagi?”
“He saw me leaving your house ‘cause he was gonna visit.  After we talked he followed me on Instagram. Anyway, I was gonna invite him and Bachira and all four of us could go to a movie,” You explain as you sigh and go back to the stove “But he said you’d probably just want to hang out with me.” 
“…And he didn’t say anything else?”
“Well he asked if we were dating so I just told him the truth. Really nice guy, by the way.” 
Rin’s going to hound Isagi next time they practice together. 
“So. Now you’re here… doing what exactly?”
“Making you breakfast. I’ll make you ochazuke for lunch later. Haven’t decided on dinner, I thought I’d ask when you woke up. Your mom said you liked traditional breakfast but I didn’t think I’d be done by the time you woke up so there’s fruit.” 
Sure enough, when Rin walks over to the other side of the table - there’s a half done spread of breakfast on the table. All the dining ware is set up neatly, the table arranged so well he feels guilty for not helping. 
“You didn’t have to do all this for me.” Rin tsks, a frown on his expression as he stands next to you. He watches you pour egg into a square pan, slowly evening out the layers. 
“I wanted to,” You reply, not thinking twice about it. “I enjoy cooking for people. It’s fun. I normally just do it to feed myself, so it’s nice to share.” 
He closes his eyes. 
“Thanks.” 
He’s afraid to look over at you, the excitement radiating off of you. It makes him uncomfortable that something so simple could make you so happy. 
“Can you repeat that?” 
“Don’t start.” 
“Rin-chan,” You coo, immediately making him so embarrassed he wants to hit you “You’re so docile today.” 
“I’m gonna kill you.” He says, hitting your shoulder as light as he can. 
“Woah…how romantic. Dying on the day you were born? Jeez. I’m swooning.” 
He looks at you blankly. 
“Stop being gross. Where did you even get that from?” 
“Too many things to count,” You say with a snap. He shakes his head. 
“Is there anything I can help with?” 
“How diligent. It’s fine! It’s your birthday, right? Sit. Eat some fruit. Pick out what you wanna do. I rented some games and there’s some movies I had in mind too. Make your agenda. “
Rin laughs to himself, lightly. 
“Isn’t that supposed to be your job?” 
“Don’t be stingy! I’m already making breakfast.”
Rin rolls his eyes.
“Yeah. Whatever.” 
__
You end up back in Rin’s room. 
After a healthy discussion about what he would like to do - Rin landed on wanting to do both. He picked out a copy of Resident Evil  to play until after lunch and then decided to binge a bunch of movies after. 
You even agree to accompany him while he practices. There’s 24 hours in a day and the plans are nothing more than vague suggestions - but deep down, it makes Rin kind of…well whatever. It’s not a bad plan. 
Currently, you’re sitting at the foot of Rin’s bed with your hands tight around the controller of his PS4. Rin feels a little bad for you. While you do okay with horror movies, the immersion of horror games seems to frighten you enough that your eyes are glued onto the screen. As such, Rin is trying his best not to startle you as you lean forward every so slightly. The leg of your pants is pushed up just barely. You’re dressed cozy, so it’s funny seeing your head shrink into your hoodie. 
“Why the fuck would you set it hardcore if this BOTH of our first times playing,” You whine, turning yourself into the next room carefully on screen “I’m scared.” 
“You’re such a wuss,” He scoffs, leaning back from where he’s sitting next to you on his bed. “We’re never gonna make any progress like this.” 
You stomp your feet and Rin resists the urge to laugh. 
“Shut up, it’s scary.” 
He nudges your shoulder with his knee. 
“Stop complaining. You got to pick the character and I got to pick the difficulty.” 
“I deserve to lust after Leon after the shit I’m getting put through,”
Rin scoffs at your declaration. The irritation is softened when you walk into the backroom faced with a zombie - a short scream leaving your lips as you mash buttons and use your gun to kill it quickly. You manage to dodge as much damage as you can, obviously trying not to waste limited resources. Even so it takes damn near 7 bullets. Despite your cowardice, you’re pretty good at the game. 
You loot the room for any possible supplies then leave. You turn the corner of the isle, a zombie filled gas station awaiting you. You manage to save bullets and stun the one closest to you before getting your shit completely rocked - quick to duck out. The first cut scene of the game comes next where you meet the other main character Claire. You gasp like you’ve been running, shoving the controller towards Rin. 
“Your turn. Move, I wanna sit on your bed.” 
“Why?” 
“Cause it’s a weekend and I have a right to be lazy. Shoo. On the floor.” 
“You’re getting way too comfortable in my house on my birthday.” 
Rin, does, go sit on the floor where you were. Mostly because it’s a better position to play the game in. At least it has minimal back support. The cut scene plays in the background, nothing difficult as the main characters go to the next area - the police station and the technical start of the game. Rin hasn’t played the remake, but he did longingly watch some playthroughs while he was in Bluelock during its release. 
He had never mentioned it to you, so he was shocked you knew enough about it to bring it over. He likes survival horror and he was always wanting to play it. 
“Me and your mom are best friends so I practically live here anyways. Also shut-up and look.” 
He does shut up, too invested in the story to be annoyed.  The main characters get separated and Leon ends up in the streets. 
For whatever reason, he’s conscious about proximity. Your knee next to his shoulder. You’re close enough to touch him casually and he’s wondering…hoping to know if you’re naive enough to do it without thinking. It feels like a stroke of luck, or maybe a form of mind-reading when you reach for his hair with your fingers. He wonders if you’re doing it on purpose. He thinks he should tell you to stop. 
But when you ask “Is this okay?” 
He can’t find the strength in himself to do it. He focuses on the scene in front of him, weaving through the cars to shake off a horde of zombies. Rin grabs the controls, immediately turning around to try and stun a group of zombies before turning into the gate so he can head to the station.
His heart is racing and his eyes almost feel cross from how much he’s focusing but it’s not exactly the game. The game isn’t even that scary, as much as it’s gory he thinks. 
“I don’t care but,” He says through a breath, trying to sound like he means it and that he’s not so conscious of the way your pinky lingers on his nape “when’d you get so touchy?” 
“I like touching you.” You reply, twirling a strand of hair around your fingers “Your hair is so silky and nice. I felt when I gave you a hug that one time and I kept thinking about it.” 
Rin wants to say “Do you think about me that much?” but the words don’t come out how he wants. 
“Do you touch everyone like this?” 
You’re silent for a minute. It takes patience, effort - not to turn his head to see the look on your face. Though he probably knows it. He thinks he just wants affirmation from you. 
“...No. Not really. I just like you.” 
There’s a beat of silence - a pause designated for his rejection, the promise he made to you so many months ago. He knows what the script is. And he’s said it many times before. Not in a million years, right? 
But he can’t bring himself to say it this time, so he doesn’t.
“Yeah. I know.” 
___
Before Rin knows it, the day is coming to a close. 
The entirety of it you spend together, with you faithfully stuck to him and without Rin feeling entirely suffocated. He isn’t sure why it’s so easy with you. Normally this much socialization would render him exhausted. Irritable at best and angry at worst. But he’s not. In fact even after his entire workout routine, he felt fine listening to you ramble. He didn’t need complete silence, but even when there were lulls and dips - it didn’t feel uncomfortable. 
You didn’t get far in Resident Evil 2. Rin decides to cut it short since it’d definitely take a lot longer than all the time you had and there were movies he wanted to watch. When you whine about not being able to finish - he quietly told  you to just come over next time and play it with him then. 
He waited a year, so he can wait a little longer. Your face lit up idiotically, giddy with delight at the promise of next time. As promised, ochazuke was for lunch and after 30 minutes of digestion - he put it out of his mind as he did his daily drills. You joined him, insisting that you’d be fine doing nothing. Sat on the field with a book the entire time even though it was cold, tossing him his things whenever he took a break - smiling each time he talked to you. 
(“You know you don’t actually need to stay with me the entire day.” He reminds you of this as he brings a bottle of water to lips, sweat dripping down the side of his head even in the cool weather. You turn your head up at him. 
“When else am I gonna get to stick by your side all day? This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.” 
“You’re so good at being annoying it’s impressive,” He says, dropping his water bottle back down “Aren’t you bored?” 
“Huh? No way. I have my fun book to keep me company and on top of that I get to see you play in the flesh.” 
Oh, yeah. You mentioned watching him when he was in Bluelock. “Well, it’s not like a match. But I’m not gonna keep asking, so whatever.” 
“Yes, yes - I understand. Now go, shoo.”)
Even though Rin practiced for his usually long amount of hours, you sat with him diligently - even stopping to cheer him on when you needed a break from reading or studying or whatever else you were doing. 
Upon returning, he went to shower and you went to warm up in  the kitchen. After he was redressed and clean, he joined you downstairs to order take-out and have dinner. 
Finally, it’s after dinner and you’ve banished Rin to his room while you set something up downstairs. He’s mostly scrolling twitter, watching soccer highlights from the accounts he follows. He’s just about comfortable when you finally call him back down, which irritates him enough to click his teeth but not enough to bring it up to you. 
After a long day, when Rin finally comes back down stairs, walking down into the hall and back into the living room - he can’t help but be surprised at the change in scenery. All the lights have been turned low, and everything looks different. You’ve taken to decorating a wall of his living room after some rearranging. A white sheet hanging up with something, and a plethora of fairy lights in stripes going down it in a nice pattern. 
There’s a banner and it looks hand-made. It spells out happy birthday, rin in neat, thick blue letters on cut-out white shapes, attached along the back wall. On the table in front, there’s some decoration along with nice paper plates and plastic cutlery and a cake in the middle that’s nicer than he’s expecting. 
You beam at him as he walks in. And you’re stupid enough to be wearing a birthday hat, giving him jazz hands as he enters. 
“Happy birthday!” 
On paper, Rin thinks it’s been something of a boring birthday. He did what he normally would do on a day off but you cooked for him twice. He spent most of it with you, even though it was a lot of nothing. A lot of being together like you were roommates or something. Maybe that's why he’s so reluctant to admit that this is making him feel something. 
That the silly theatrics feel meaningful. It is thoughtful, isn’t it? Rin doesn’t think anyone in his entire life has done anything this thoughtful for him. Birthdays are birthdays, and they’ve never really been especially meaningful. He didn’t see the point in just celebrating the day of someone's birth. Certainly, he doesn’t think he’d have it in himself to do something like this for another person. 
Rin stares at you. Wearing a stupid birthday hat and the most gleeful, idiotic smile he’s ever seen. All of this for a guy who’s rejected you, but you seem to cherish so much anyways. Apathetic and ungraceful as he is and always will be - he’s so overwhelmed he doesn’t know what to do. What a strange, unrecognizable feeling welling up inside of him. And not even one feeling, but so many so tangled with each other - he can’t see anything straight. His eyes aren’t drawn to the candlelight, or the moon, or the cake. 
It’s like a sense of tunnel vision. Where all Rin can really look at is you. It’s happened before. How can anyone be like this, he wonders. Are there people born into the world so unselfishly? And if they are, why would he ever cross paths with them? How could someone so easy to love have any business loving him, in the first place? 
Rin won’t ever understand you. He accepts that. He’ll never be able to understand this kind of person. Someone who shines even brighter than the sun. 
But he’s not so stupid to not understand himself. He’s unable to say the words he’d promised to you all the way in April. Rin doesn’t like to lie. 
He would be lying, that is, if you told him just one more time that you liked him.  He’d be lying if it told you it’ll never happen. He’d be lying if he said he doesn’t like you. And it’s not just because you like him, because that never mattered to him in the first place. 
Some people are made to be adored. Born special and bright like everything should revolve around them. Perhaps that kind of thing is only afforded to people without ego. With heart and character and charisma. 
It doesn’t matter. What a stupid thing to realize on his birthday of all days.
“Rin-kun?” 
He blinks. 
“Where’d you hide all of this?” 
You laugh at him, bubbly and delighted.
“I brought it in a tote and kept it in the kitchen. Mostly stuff from my house, and your mom helped with the cake and stuff. It’s nice right? I did a good job, no?” 
Ah. He’s fucked. 
“It looks okay.” 
You frown, huffing and puffing “Just okay? C’mon, don’t be stingy.” 
“Doesn’t begging for compliments defeat the purpose of them.” 
“Not to me,” 
Your frown deepens and Rin is starting to feel the rose colored glasses set in. 
“It’s nice. It’s good.” 
“So you like it? You’re happy? Delighted, even? Absolutely overjoyed by-” 
“Cut it out or I’m going to send you home.” 
“No,” You whine, tugging on his sleeves like you’re worried he really will “I want cake.” 
“Then let’s cut the cake?”
“We can’t,” You put your arms up in a cross and Rin gives you a look of confusion. “I promised I’d get a good picture of you.” 
“What? Promised who?” 
“Your parents, mostly. But also, you should post on your Instagram a little more, no? You’re basically a famous player already, you should have the courtesy to feed your fans.” 
Before he can do anything to protest, you usher Rin to sit on the other side of the table before you back with his phone. He stares at you but you only look at him expectantly. Still, he unlocks it and hands it to you. He gives you an irritated sigh (though he isn’t really irritated). 
“This is stupid.” 
“It’s a good thing to capture memories, you dummy. Now smile,” You say, holding up the camera after some angling “Or don’t. The people do love a good scowl.” 
That makes him want to smile. He’s awkward in the photos but he does stay still for them, trying his best not to look ridiculous. You take a few, then pause to come up to the table and light the candles in front of him. He hears the camera shutter one more time before you look up at him over the edge. 
“Ready to blow out your candles?” 
“I guess.” 
Before Rin can do anything about it, he listens to you sing happy birthday - poorly with too much enthusiasm. You’re tone deaf and passionate all at the same time - singing each word with a dramatic flair until you’re on the final word. You can’t clap because you’re recording but you do cheer as he burns the candles out. Once it’s over you stop recording, looking down and swiping through the pictures. 
“They turned out good. You should post them.” 
“...You’re done taking them?” 
You tilt your head to one side. 
“Yeah?” 
“We didn’t get any together.” 
Your eyes widen like he said something shocking. 
“...You wanna take them together?” 
He scoffs. 
“We spent the whole day together.” 
You flush, suddenly embarrassed and god. 
“I just wasn’t expecting you to want that. I mean we’re friends but-” 
“Shut up. And come here.” 
So you do, phone still in hand as you mess with your appearance.
“Do you want to take it or do you want me to?” 
“Oh, uh lemme just-” You go through a bunch of filters and find one before handing it to him, a nervous expression “You take it cause your arm is longer and you’re taller.” 
Rin just nods. Takes the phone from you,  and lets you pose a little before he takes the photo. He hands it back to you so you can see, and watches your eyes light up as you stare at it. Stupid. 
“It came out nice.” You say. You save it onto his phone before handing it back to him. “Send it to me later?” 
“Yeah.” 
You give him another grin and Rin takes his phone from you, going through the pictures as he opens up Instagram. He guess it wouldn’t hurt to post. You leave his side, saying something about cutting the cake. But he isn’t looking, really. 
He drafts a post as he waits for you. He likes the picture you took together best and decides to put it second. He never has any idea on how to caption these which is why he doesn’t want to post it in the first place. He glances at you, then sighs internally. 
itoshirin._ posted for the first time in a while.  posted 7 mins ago. liked by isagi_yoichi, bachiraaaaa, and others.  itoshirin._ ; 09.09.2002. thanks for everything, stupid.  isagi_yoichi commented: no way you’re getting a girlfriend before me. life is so unfair and cruel.  isagi_yoichi commented: oh happy birthday btw bachiraaaaa commented: RIN-CHAN !!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ٩(◕‿◕。)۶ official_itoshisae: happy birthday.  itoshirinsnumberonefan: WHO IS THAT??  yo_hiori: happy birthday! 
“Rin, I cut the cake!” 
He puts his phone on DND before taking a plate of cake from your hand. 
__
The clock strikes two, and you’re still at Rin’s place. 
After a long binge of horror movies, you’re both comfortably in each other's space - only inches away, talking about nothing. The movie ended a little over half an hour ago.
He’s still doing just that, listening to you chatter away next to his ear. The room is completely dark minus the soft glow of the T.V. which gives just enough light for Rin to gaze at your face. Your eyes are wide and sparkly, still, even though it seems like the tiredness is getting to you too. 
Neither of you wants to stop talking. You’ve started discussing manga - particularly Rin's favorite manga. 
“Ciguatera was interesting,” You say, hugging one of his pillows close to your chest.  “I wasn’t sure what to expect.” 
“I’m shocked you read it. Seriously. I thought you would’ve  forgotten the minute after I told you.” 
“Well, yeah. You recommended it, so obviously I wanted to at least try,” You say with a breathless laugh, turning over to face him. You’re facing each other, he realizes a second too late “You’re such a boy, by the way. Weekly young magazine? Really.” 
“Shut up.” He says, with no real bite to his words “What were you expecting?” 
“Dunno. Didn’t think you were interested in romance of all things. Especially cause Ogino’s kind of a loser.” 
“There was other stuff in it.” He points out. You chuckle. 
“Yeah. Way raunchier and darker than I thought. But it was mostly about romance. So, I was surprised to say the last.” 
“What,” Rin starts, partially offended by the implication “Do you think I'm a soulless machine or something?” 
“Well no,” You frown, shaking your head as you stare at him “But you’ve rejected every confession you’ve ever gotten, even from some of the prettiest girls in our entire grade. So I didn’t think you had any interest in that kinda thing.”
He scoffs.”You’re stupid.” 
“You tell me all the time,” You point your fingers and place them under your chin. “Why did you reject them, by the way? Just trying to focus on soccer?” 
He feels flush, explaining. Turning his gaze to the ceiling, he sighs. 
“None of those people actually had feelings for me. It wasn’t meaningful in any way.” 
“And you want it to be meaningful?” 
“There’s no point being in a relationship with someone I don’t like and barely know. And who doesn’t really care to get to know me. I’m busy enough with soccer, and I don’t have time to entertain lukewarm relationships like that.” 
“What an unexpectedly sentimental reason. How soft of you Rin-kun.” 
“Shut up.” 
There’s a pause of thoughtful silence where you hum and lay flat on your back, reaching your hand up towards the ceilings. Rin can’t do much more than look. 
“You know. How I said I’ve been watching you since you were in Bluelock?” 
“Yeah.” 
“Y’know. I always thought you looked really sad back then. I might’ve been reading too much into it but,” You smile, corners of your lips upturned while you giggle “It’s like…weirdly relieving to see you like this.” 
“Like what?” 
“You’re like…just a boy,” You say wispy and delighted “A normal boy who reads shitty raunchy magazines and thinks about love. It’s comforting somehow. Makes me feel special. I really like you. A little more every day, it feels like.” 
Another beat of silence. He thinks you can sense the hesitance of his rejection. There’s such a tangible shift in the atmosphere. If Rin stretches his hand out to touch it, he thinks he’d push through an impossible barrier and keep falling in it forever. He thinks it would swallow him. 
He isn’t sure what it is. If it’s an act of bravery, or a sudden uptick in adrenaline, or if the exhaustion of a long day is finally starting to hit. Maybe it’s just these feelings that keep overwhelming him that make his body move. Something outside of his mind, nestled in his ribs, that has him inching closer to you. 
He flips until he’s hovering over you. Your eyes widen and you stare at him. He stares back, like he almost can’t believe himself. 
“Rin-kun?” 
And he freezes. The confidence dissipates as soon as he finds it but now he’s above you, on top of you. You’re messy and flush from the day. Your mascara is smudged and your lipgloss is gone - leaving a faint sheen on your mouth that matches your skin. Your hoodie is rumpled around the shoulders - one of the sleeves pulled to your elbows. Rin really gets a look at you. Cognizant of the fact he spent all day with you. That’s why you look worn and sleepy and so unbelievably cute. So cute it annoys him. Irritates him half to death. 
You open your mouth again, only to close it. It almost feels like he can hear your heart. Or maybe it’s his. It’s hard to know the difference. 
“Is this a n-new kind of bullying?” You joke, trying to ease the tension. He frowns at you. 
“Does it seem like I’m joking?” 
Your eyes widen and you turn away. Rin wants to make you look. 
“Well no but…” And you squirm a little “what are you doing?”
He doesn’t know, either. 
“I don’t know.” He admits, and you laugh a little breathless and the tension is so thick Rin can’t swallow around it “I want to kiss you.” He blurts out. Awkward and uncharismatic and clumsy. 
A bout of silence.
“...Am I going insane? Did you just say you want to kiss me?”
“I did.” 
More silence. 
“Why? Wouldn’t that make me your first kiss?” 
“It would.” 
“And isn’t that like… reserved for your special someone?” 
“It is.” 
“Rin-kun,” You breathe out, blinking in disbelief  “Do you even know what you’re saying?” 
“I do.”
You’re a little more serious this time. You put your hand on his shoulder. He feels like the Earth is gonna fall from under his feet. 
“Stop messing with me.” 
“I’m not.” 
You frown. 
“Do you really want to kiss me?” 
“Yeah,” He can’t think “I do.” 
You reach up for him. You’re more experienced with this kind of thing and it shows as you cup the nape of his neck. He doesn’t finch. He doesn’t look away from you either, as your thumb brushes under his eyes - the both of you so wrapped up in each other nothing matters. Rin would stay in this forever, if someone gave him the option.
“W-we have to talk about this afterwards, okay?”
“Okay.” 
“I’m serious, Itoshi Rin. Because you can’t just—” 
Your palm cups his cheek and he rubs against it instinctively. He sees your eyes widen and you swallow - a frown still etched into your features. 
“I know. I’m sorry.” 
Your voice goes as soft as a whisper. 
“You’re so unfair.” 
He almost laughs. 
“Please kiss me.” He asks, so silently it almost goes unheard but he knows you hear it because your lips press into a thin line before you’re pulling Rin down towards you. Your lips are soft. And warm. And they taste faintly like whip-cream and the slight sour of strawberries and your hands are so gentle. Somehow he feels at ease even though he feels like he’s going to implode on himself from nerves. 
Just a little deeper before you pull away and stare at him. Rin looks back, eyes jumping from your lips up to your eyes and back down to your lips. You open your mouth to say something. Mumbling his given name only for him to cut you off with another kiss, a little deeper this time. The way it shuts you up is so cute it almost makes him angry. How it muffles your words, tapers off into a noise of surprise and ends up just back at a kiss. 
He’s never felt like this kind of thing was a viable option. Itoshi Rin is an antisocial, angry, and apathetic soccer protege and he has no time in the world for anything lukewarm. He’s rejected every confession he’s ever received in his life and always thought of relationships as something far off and disconnected to him in his entirety.
Perpetually unloveable but maybe not in such an angsty, vulnerable way. Like a law of the universe. A truth, like thinking of him, means to postulate that he is that way. A prerequisite to understanding him. 
Rin doesn’t like things that are half-ass. Perhaps, part of the reason he likes you so much is because you’ve proved him wrong in such an utterly defeating way. The fact your very existence is by and large, the antithesis of this truth. 
Itoshi Rin is not only loveable, but he is capable of loving. There is evidence of it, right underneath him now - with soft lashes and wet eyes and the brightest smile that could ever exist. 
And it’s haunting for more reasons than one. But he likes how unyielding the revelation is. You’re worried he’ll want to avoid it, and he does. But he doesn’t think he could forever, even if he tried. 
He’s confident if he made the attempt, you’d come barreling towards him once more. With all the confidence in the world. It makes him want to at least try to face it.
Which is why he’s kissing you a second, third, and fourth time. Which is why he’s looking at you in between, wide blue eyes transfixed on every part of your face. He’s trying to face what daunts him most, not like but love and the difference is more important as the days pass. 
You pull away, finally - put a hand on his chest and stare. 
“Rin-kun,” You whisper, uncertain of yourself which he hates. “I like you. I really like you.” And again, a little softer “And I want you to like me too,” Like that had been the biggest secret of all. Something you’d never told anyone, even once. 
Rin can’t imagine it. Have you been holding in something like this all this time? He only realized a couple hours ago and it already feels like he’s going to rip apart at the seams. 
“I do. I do like you.”
“Really? Forreal? Seriously? You’re not pulling my leg? Yanking my chain?” 
He knocks his forehead against yours. 
“Be quiet. How can you be this stupid in the middle of getting confessed to?” 
You pout. Pout at him, all whiny. God. 
“It doesn’t feel real to me.” 
He laughs humorlessly. “It’s all a dream. You’ll forget it all in the morning.” 
“Stop being mean to me.” 
He has to be. If he’s not you’re going to see right through him. 
“No,” He says instead “Stop being so ridiculous first.” 
“An impossible ask to the world's most ridiculous girl.” 
He smiles a little. 
“That’s a good name for you. I’ll change your contact.” 
“Nooo,” You say again, this time pulling him down for a hug. His eyes widened. And he’s unfair? “Be nice to your girlfriend.” 
He doesn’t have anything to say to that. It flusters him too, admittedly. Before he can think of a counter, you yawn big and wide. Rin is still on top of you and neither of you have brushed your teeth. He was planning on putting you up in the guest room, but currently you’re clinging to him half-away. And he has no such plans of telling you to move. 
“I’m so tired.” 
Rin feels like he’s going to pass out, He mumbles. 
“You can sleep.” 
“Want you to sleep too.” 
Rin closes his eyes. He couldn’t refuse even if he wanted to. You’ll have to talk about it in the morning. 
“Okay.” 
__ 
“Rin? Where’s your frie—oh!” 
Rin stirs the minute his mom enters the room. It only takes him a minute to regain consciousness and by the time he’s awake - he’s already regretting not locking his door. 
He continues to pretend to be asleep. He thinks you still are because you’re comfortably slotted in his arms. Rin is so embarrassed he wants to die. He hears his mom gasp, and then quietly shouts for his father to come to his room. 
“What are you—oh.” 
Rin is going to have the worst morning of his life whenever they leave. He remains still. He hears the shutter of a camera and grits his teeth all the way in the back of his jaw. 
“Oh this will make a great wedding photo.” 
His dad laughs a little to himself, ushering his mother out of the room “Don’t get carried away,” 
When the door finally clicks, Rin opens his eyes and lets out a breath of relief. Much to his shock, he also feels you stir. His eyes widen when you turn to him, your face painted in utter mortification before you bury it in your hands. He stares at you as you groan, kicking your feet. 
“Oh god I’m going to cry. How am I going to face her? Oh my god” 
Rin scoffs a little at your dramatics. It calms him down in a strange way “She’s not gonna say anything to you. She’s probably only going to bully me about it.” 
“I’ve forsaken you, mother-in-law” 
Rin nudges your ribs, blush crawling up his face. 
“Shut up.” 
__ 
Up until three weeks ago, Rin didn’t take issue with the way you interacted at school. 
You two have a pretty strict policy about it. Though you’re in the same class and you chat occasionally in the halls - you tend to avoid Rin where you can. Originally, this made sense. For the sake of his comfort and yours, the best choice was sneaking to the roof together to eat where you could remain mostly undisturbed. 
As such, Rin has never been particularly consciousness of your presence in the classroom. For starters, you’re always somewhere. A busybody of the highest pedigree and always running errands - even if Rin were to try to talk to you he can only really find you 20 percent of the time. Secondly, unlike Rin, you have a handful of friends surrounding you. Rin has interacted with them very briefly but you (seemingly for his sake) try not to force him out of his comfort zone too much by making you all sit together. The most Rin has gotten from them is a single knowing smirk or glance. 
And lastly, before three weeks ago, it would’ve been a big problem if people started getting onto either of you about a relationship that didn’t exist. That would've been all around awkward and uncomfortable and maybe would’ve deterred your future endeavors with other guys. 
That was when you and Itoshi Rin were in fact not dating. 
Three weeks into your relationship and nothing much has changed, though nowadays you come over to his house on weekends where you can. You’ve even been on one date after his dad (of all people) hounded him about never taking you on a proper one. 
You text the same as you did before, and you call Rin a little more often. Usually for the purposes of rambling so much you tucker yourself out and fall asleep. 
But at school, Rin only really sees you for the spare minutes of lunch and not much more than that. He’s never really thought about it before. It was never enough of an issue to warrant his intervention. 
It’s not like he cares, okay? 
But he’s more aware of it, now - frustratingly enough. You really don’t see each other often enough in school and you have many more guy friends than he had ever considered before. Every time he catches you and Murata-senpai trekking down the hall he feels his blood pressure rise. 
You and Rin have both decided, though. Despite his posting of you, neither of you have confirmed the relationship. Rin is immune to the prying and you’re good at dodging it altogether. This is the agreement. 
It is therefore very irrational of him to be thinking of speaking up at this current moment in time. 
Despite your mutual decision to keep things as private as possible, Rin has heard nothing but gossip about the situation for weeks. Outside of the usual, direct kind of prying - there’s whispers and stares and all sorts of other things. Rin doesn’t care about it. He’s used to it, it’s part of the gig and the neo-egoist league made him near immune. 
It’s all the things directed at you that make him seethe. Misplaced jealousy and the disappointed remarks of guys in class that make him feel like his blood pressure is rising. The latter is what’s making him most irritated now. How fucking long are these idiots going to talk about this? 
“Dude, you had like three years to confess,” Some idiot, who’s name Rin doesn’t know is still yapping “If she’s actually dating Mr.Popular then it’s on you for fucking yourself over.” 
The other idiot in question groans, and Rin forces his face to remain impassive as he listens. He tries to stop listening. More than once, actually. But they just keep going. 
“I didn’t think he’d actually do it dude. Like there’s no way, right? He rejected every single girl who ever confessed to him. I thought she was safe. And now my highschool love is forever ruined.” 
Like he ever stood a chance. How ridiculous. 
Another one of the goons speaks up “Dunno. Neither of them have said anything right? You miss all of the shots you don’t take.” 
“Are you saying I should just confess to her anyway? She got posted on his Instagram dude.” 
A smirk appears on Extra Three’s face “No confirmation means fair game. Stop being pussy and do it.” 
“You think I stand a chance against that dude?” 
Rin can feel all three pairs' eyes hit him at once. 
“Nah. Not a chance. But you could always wait till she’s all heartbroken and comfort her, right? Hook, line, and sinker.” 
“I hear when girls are heartbroken they’re like way more likely to let you—” 
With that, Rin stands to his feet. He’s seething. It’s ridiculous. It’s stupid. He should definitely just leave to go cool his head but he’s so fucking angry it’s hard to sit still and he has no other way of dealing with his feelings. So he walks towards the table slowly, eyes darkened and just barely holding it in
He knows this is a bad idea. He can feel the whole classroom look at him as he slams his hand down on the desk. But he doesn’t care. He’ll deal with it later. 
“You’d be fucking lucky if my girlfriend ever looked your way.” 
As soon as Rin says it, there's a thud at the door-way of the classroom. When he looks up you’re there with your eyes widened. Rin just looks back, impassive and immune to the sudden uproar of whispers. 
He only clicks his teeth when you grab him by the sleeve of his uniform - cracking a small smile as he hears the faint words “Just give up dude.” as he leaves. 
__ 
Up on the roof top, you’re shaking Rin by the shoulders - visibly distressed. 
“Hey! What the hell was that?” 
“What.” He offers, not willing to budge on the situation. In the first place he’s a little irritated by all of it. And he’s a little irritated by how much you’ve been enforcing the no-talking rule. Right now, it really feels like he can’t take it anymore. 
You frown deeply, distress only growing as the time passes in uncomfortable silence. Rin doesn’t want to be civil about it. About it and about you and about those idiots. 
“We had an agreement!” You say, grabbing him by the front of his shirt, though it’s weak. He stares down at you. 
“So what?” 
“Rin, we talked about this. Don’t be like this.” 
“Like what.” 
“Pissy and weird. You’re being weird and I don’t like it. It’s making me sad.” 
“How am I being—” 
Before Rin can proceed with his sentence, he catches a glimpse of your face in the midst of his tantrum. Sad like a puppy who got its tail stepped on and about ready to cry, he immediately seals his mouth in fear of making it worse. 
“Why are you doing that?” He spits. 
“Doing what?”
“Being all sad and pathetic. Does it really bother you that much if people know we’re dating?” 
“It’s not like that.” You assure. 
“Then what is it?” Rin prods, frustrated but not wanting to make things worse “Why is it such a big deal?” 
There’s a bout of silence before you sigh. 
“Rin, you’re a huge soccer player. The people you’re dating and stuff - it’s a big deal,” 
Rin cuts you off. 
“That’s what you were worried about? My career?” 
“Well, yeah.” 
“You’re stupid.” 
“Hey! I’m seriously worried about it and then you go and—” 
He gives you a frown. He forgets all too often you’re like this. He’s used to your silly and unserious way of talking, so it slips his mind that you’re actually a massively responsible person. You probably have a point about it, thinking of the consequences of your relationship through hell and back. With a detached sense of rationality - Rin can recognize that you’re probably thinking about more things than this. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so touchy of a subject. 
Nothing’s changed on paper, but everything will eventually. It’s something to think about, admittedly. 
Honestly Rin doesn’t care what strangers think. He’s blunt and unfriendly. Always has been, and will continue to be through the majority of his career he’s absolutely sure. Even outside of Bluelock, he has almost no regard for the opinions of other people and what concerns them. Maybe it’s irresponsible, but Rin isn’t playing soccer for the approval of the populace and nothing will ever change that. 
“If I thought that was something I should worry about, we wouldn’t be dating.” 
You look up at him. 
“You should be worried about it.” You emphasize. 
“I’m not. I don’t care what any of those people think.” 
“Then why’d you go and say something?” 
Rin seethes.
“They deserved it.” 
Your hand reaches for his cheek. He pauses and takes a deep breath, staring at you. He leans into your touch instinctively, frustration eased by the sensation. You stare back. 
“Okay. We’ll announce it officially later, then.” 
“Do we even need to do that? If you tell three people, half of our grade’ll find out anyway.” 
“Are you saying my friends  gossip?” 
He doesn’t reply to that. You pout at him and Rin fights the urge to kiss you. There’s a beat of silence as you give him a hug - the two of you on the same roof you always are. Rin doesn’t mind it, wrapping his arms loosely around your waist. 
“You know, it’s gonna get busy for me soon.” You mumble. So this is what else you were worrying about. “And for you. I have my entrance exam and the school is in Tokyo. And you’re gonna go back to Bluelock and—” 
“It’ll be fine.”
“I’m worried about it anyways.” 
“About what?” 
“I’ll see you less. What if you stop liking me randomly and I can’t even hunt you down about it?” 
Rin huffs “You’re insane enough to find me,” He drops his chin on your shoulder “Plus you talk to my mom.” 
“You’re gonna be so busy.” 
“I’ll come see you when I’m not.” 
“And you’re going to be surrounded by the human equivalent of siren women someday soon.” 
“I don’t care about that.” 
“But you might.” 
“I haven’t in eighteen years, you moron.” 
“I’m gonna miss you all the time.” You say, sniffly and Rin is so struck with a feeling of affection he almost falls “I already miss you all the time.” 
He squeezes you a little tighter “It’ll be fine.”
“For you.” 
Rin furrows his brow, pulling back to stare at you. 
“Not for me,” Because Rin can begrudgingly admit he will miss you worse than this “Just in general. It’ll be fine. You almost made it a year without me.” 
“But now I’m with you,” You reply easily, and softly and oh-so in love Rin wants to turn away “And I’m so happy and I want it be like this for a long time,”
“Just a long time? Not something stupid like a blossoming eternity?” 
“I thought I’d scare you.” 
“You did that in April.” He points out flatly. You hit him lightly but smile anyway. 
“It’s a problem how much I like you.” 
Rin likes you just as much. You’re probably too much of an idiot to realize and won’t for a long while. He takes a little comfort in, strangely.
“It’ll be fine. I’ll come see you.” He says again, because it’s the only thing he can think to say. He believes in it thoroughly. If Rin were a better, more candidly vulnerable person he thinks now he’d give the loving boyfriend speech. He almost wants to half-assedly try but can’t bring himself to get past the awkwardness. He hugs you tighter because it’s all he’s capable of, and hopes he can will it into you. The sincerity of his words, he wants so badly for them to reach you “Stop worrying so much.” 
“Rin-kun,” You start, then pause to look up at him. His breath hitches “Rin. I love you. Really.” 
He feels like he’s gonna be sick as he stares at you, eyes widened. You look the same as you always do. Unexpectant, terribly sincere, with your heart on your sleeve. The more Rin knows you, the more he thinks it can’t be easy to be so vulnerable all the time. 
So you do it for him, and only him. And Rin is always going to be intolerable. Frustrating and impatient. But he wants to do it for you too, where he can. Rin wants you to know it’ll be fine because the fact that you’re standing here now is nothing short of a miracle. Nothing comes out right. 
“Yeah.” He says, but he can’t get the rest of words out. And you laugh, and peek up at him through your lashes. 
“And you love me too, don’t you?” 
Rin grits his teeth. He wants to say no. 
“I guess.” 
“And we’re going to be just fine.” You repeat, hugging him tight. Rin hugs you back. He wants to say thank you. He wants to kiss you stupid and make fun of you at the same time. He wants you so much and so often he’s sure he’s lost his fucking mind. 
But he agrees with you, at least. He nods. He holds you. He doesn’t like to lie, so he looks at you instead. 
“Yeah. It’s gonna be fine.” 
__
EPILOGUE ; 
In Rin’s defense, he’s not trying to listen in on the conversions of your underclassmen. 
For starters, the club door is cracked up and Rin only has one airpod fully charged. Secondly, it’s not like they’re being quiet. Rin’s pretty sure anyone with decent enough hearing could hear them from down the hall. Given that it’s the newspaper club, he’s sure that the conversation isn’t usually this interesting. 
It’s just when he catches wind of your name while you’re nowhere to be found, he finds himself eavesdropping just a little. He leans back into the chair he’s sitting in, face tucked into his black mask and hat pulled neatly over his head. 
“Guys, I’ve decided I’m going to confess to Boss  no matter what.” 
He must mean you. Rin often hears how some of the people in the club affectionately add danchou to the end of your name. Rin scoffs a little at the kids' confidence. It reminds him a little of highschool. Rin really think you’re at more of a risk than he is. Being a celebrity makes him naturally unattainable - more of a fixture than a person. 
Everytime someone confesses to you though it’s sincere. From knowing you. And he gets it but it doesn’t keep him from scoffing and turning his nose up. 
“It’d be a good idea to give up while you’re ahead.” Says another unnamed voice. 
“Yeah Nakao-san. Do you even know who Senpai's boyfriend is?” 
“N-no. But it doesn’t matter. Through the powerful of love I’ll—”
Before Rin gets a chance to listen anymore, he hears your voice call out for him. He snaps his head up to look at you. You’re dressed so professionally it’s hard to recognize you like that. Your hair is cut neat and styled professionally and you’re dressed in business casual. He’s relieved he brought shoes for you to change into. 
You run up to him anyway, and Rin stands up to make sure you don’t stumble as you throw your arms around his neck. You’re closer in height with your heels on so he doesn’t have to bend down much at all to kiss you. He pulls down his mask quickly.
“Rin-tan, you’re here.” You say with a soft, breathless giggle “I missed youuu.” 
“Missed you too,” He says, an arm squeezed around your waist “I have shoes for you in the car,”
You gasp, rubbing your cheek against his affectionately. 
“You’re the best in the world. My feet are so sore.” 
“Did the interview go well?” Rin asks. You pull away, moving your hair away from your eyes before nodding. 
“Uh-huh. The women's rugby team captain is super chill and she interviews great so it went smoothly. I just need to drop the transcript off and then we can leave,” You say holding his hand. He squeezes your palms “Do you want to meet them? You don’t have to but a lot of them ask about you.” 
Normally Rin would say no. But he’s feeling a little petty today, after all. 
“Sure.” 
You beam, your hand in his as you nudge the door open. The room goes silent, a bout of excited cheering following at your return. He’s relieved to see you’re still so well loved, a little reluctant to let go of your hand. 
“Senpai, you’re back.” 
“Yup, yup. I have the transcript and recording on this USB. Watch it and draft the article up tonight. When I come in tomorrow, we’ll go through editing and get it out by Monday.” You say, hand on hip before remembering his presence. You grab him and Rin follows “Oh, and guys - this is my boyfriend! Rin Itoshi.” 
Most of them seem to know. Rin can sense the admiration but it’s respectful. He can tell that everyone is professionals in the field. Rin likes that. He bows politely. 
“Nice to meet everyone,” 
“Nice to meet you too, Itoshi-san.” 
“Danchou…you’re dating Rin Itoshi…the famous soccer player Rin Itoshi?” 
You giggle, looping your arm in Rin’s. He laughs internally. It’s the same kid who wanted to confess to you. 
“Uh-huh. We’re highschool sweethearts! And today is our very special date night so don’t contact me for any reason until tomorrow morning at least. I’ll see you guys later.” 
“Bye, senpai.” 
“Have fun on your date.” 
With that, you turn the corner and leave the room - immediately beginning to ramble about your day. Rin half-listens. He only pays complete attention when he hears your kouhais talking from down the hall. 
“Told you to give up, dude.” 
“Rin. Are you paying attention?” 
He chuckles to himself. 
“Yeah. Sorry.” 
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❁ a/n ; hello!! me again. first of alll, if you read through this whole fic, thank you so much. second of all i want to discuss a few things about this fic.
im usually pretty keen on localization for my fics where possible because i think it makes for a smoother reader experience - however the usage of honorifics was important to the atmosphere for this one so i'll hope it wasn't too awkward to read.
secondly, im nervous about rins characterization for this one so i hope it was alright. apologies for any errors its 5am and im soo tired.
this fic was mostly meant as an exploration of how i think rin would really benefit from being with someone eccentric and bubbly. the core of their relationship is that reader is an overall emotionally intelligent and honest person and how that has a huge influence on rin so i hope that growth came thru. once again thanks for reading and i hope u enjoyed. rbs and tags always appreciated!
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nanamea · 11 months ago
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~ 。☆ FAVOURITE JJK FICS ON AO3
ft. jjk men (toji, nanami, geto, gojo, and choso)
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ヾ˙❥ all of these fics are nsfw (smut, sexual content! please read the tags and the warnings inside of the story before you read!)
ヾ˙❥ click here for jjk men fic recs on tumblr!
1. heat waves (ft. choso kamo) by nagumoan
~ 。☆ it's too hot to even move a single muscle of yours, so the only logical way to deal with it is... working up a sweat with your boyfriend. at least it's logical in his mind.
2. tease me (ft. gojo satoru & geto suguru) by meowandyouui
𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ "𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔, 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐒."
↳ in which - y/n falls in love with her bullies. geto and gojo. though she can't have both, and is torn between having to choose. ︶꒷꒦︶ ๋࣭ ⭑
3. seduce and destroy (ft. toji fushiguro) by skyredvenus
~ 。☆ moving in with a wealthy family in their mansion for your new job, but nothing is as it seems. the house is haunted by a family curse and a mysterious blood-lusted creature.
4. fruit (ft. choso kamo) by thelovelyruin
~ 。☆ he’s your ex, and he’s having a hard time moving on from you.
5. i know (ft. choso kamo) by thelovelyruin
~ 。☆ choso wasn’t taking the break up well, and honestly, neither were you.
6. midnight (ft. gojo satoru) by tsunderetsukki
~ 。☆ ❝ You look tired boss, let me help you out a little. Consider it an apology for making you work late ❞
╰---➤ 𝐈𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡, 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐞-𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤.
7. slow bloom (ft. nanami kento) by princesspetty
8. shirt (ft. toji fushiguro) by skyredvenus
~ 。☆ the arrival of a mysterious package leads to a hot, sticky situation.
9. wet dreams (ft. toji fushiguro) by meowandyouui
𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ "𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀 𝐒𝐋𝐔𝐓𝐓𝐘 𝐖𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔."
↳ in which - y/n is wedded off to the biggest enigma floating around. though... she can't stop having peculiar dreams about this very man. toji zenin.
10. bloodlust (ft. geto suguru) by teatimewithlevi
~ 。☆ you move to the suburbs and a freakishly sexy man is your neighbour. he has a taste for blood—especially yours.
11. secret slut (ft. choso kamo) by meowandyouui
12. dark eyes (ft. choso kamo) by moonc0re
13. first time (ft. choso kamo) by chososdisordkitten
14. late mornings (ft. nanami kento) by l043
~ 。☆ the weekend was for rest, relaxation, and sex.
15. feverish (ft. toji fushiguro) by angry_geese
16. cabin (ft. geto suguru) by slvttyplum
~ 。☆ You and Suguru go on a group cabin trip, with a couple of drinks and your love for each other… what happens?
17. cadillac : a pimp's anthem (ft. geto suguru) by redskyvenus
~ 。☆ an unexpected meeting at Suguru's nightclub ignites an interesting connection.
18. so, you got a boyfriend? (ft. geto suguru) by slttygeto
~ 。☆ when watching a certain scary movie gives your husband, suguru, the perfect idea on how to ruin you.
19. hell is empty & love is wicked (ft. geto suguru) by soleilnomoon
~ 。☆ geto suguru is the perfect boyfriend, until he grows bored with y/n & casts her aside; he doesn't account for y/n standing up for herself & getting revenge.
20. 00.00 (ft. nanami kento) by kamisathoes
~ 。☆ In which you need some late night loving from your ex-lover, Nanami Kento. But things were not what you expected them to be, they were more than what you anticipated it to be.
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reyalvr · 5 months ago
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SHE'S MINE | 01
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I'M ALL IN, I CAN'T REVERSE IT-
synopsis ┊ thrust into the spotlight, ken sato had easily become the next big thing tokyo had seen in decades. alongside his fame came the inevitable string of rumors, of which sprung forth scandals and discrediting information against his image. of course the obvious and most rational solution would be to address them like every other celebrity, but this was ken sato; nothing would ever be rational with him, which is how you wound up with a ring on your finger and the sato name in your papers. 
genre ┊ fake dating, fake marriage, idiots-to-lovers, friends-to-lovers, slight angst, chaotic fluff, mild smut
pairing ┊ ken sato x fem-PA!reader, ken sato x fake-wife!reader
warnings ┊ mild cursing, eventual smut, mentions of alcohol, all events in ultraman: rising take place a year after kenji moves back to japan
word count ┊  3.2k
author’s note ┊ WOOHOO part one finally out! thank you so much for all the love on the prologue, it made me so motivated to make this as good as possible hehe >.< each chapter title is based off of a lyric in my writing playlist for this series, lmk if you guys would like me to drop it  ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶. happy reading!
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KEN KNEW HE WAS IN DEEP SHIT. Knee deep, even. If you asked him what was going through his head thirty seconds ago, he wouldn’t be able to tell you even if he wanted to. Everything that happened next was a blur- from shaking hands with the host to walking back to his dressing room, it felt like he was operating on autopilot. Who wouldn’t be, though? He had just announced to the world that he was officially taken; that he was off the market- hooked. Of course, it wouldn’t have been a problem if it were true…
But it wasn’t. 
He had just lied to an audience of a hundred people- not to mention the millions throughout the various streaming platforms the show was being aired on. His nails dug into his palm as he neared his dressing room, the bold, black letters of his name growing larger and larger each step he took. His heart was pounding, and he swore he felt chill down his spine the moment he opened the door. No one could blame him though, not if they knew the inevitable wrath they were about to face. 
You were stood there, eyes narrowed and resting all your weight on your hip. Your arms were crossed, your lips were pursed. The two of you stayed like that for a few moments, staring at each other as you waited for the other to speak up. Ken swallowed nervously, tapping his foot as he tried formulating an explanation. He wasn’t entirely sure as to why he was so overstrung, it was just you. Why should he be terrified of your scolding on his recent screw up? 
“Special someone, huh?” You said through your teeth, finally breaking the tense silence in the room. “So special that nobody on your team knew of her prior to your public love confession?” 
Ah. That was why. The way you were able to see right through him scared him sometimes. He never outwardly showed his reactions, though- at least he tried not to. He cleared his throat before finally moving to plop down on the couch, doing his damndest not to show his jitters. 
“Yeah, yeah whatever. I lied, so what?” He replied, his cocky tone masking the unsureness in his words. “It’s not the first time I’ve done it.” 
Strike one. As if you couldn’t have been any more pissed off, that seemed to be the tipping point. You paused before letting out a deep breath, circling around him. He closed his eyes when he knew you were behind him, and he waited for you to berate him; to remind him of the consequences of his actions. He waited, but it never came. He opened one eye, and he relaxed when you moved to sit on the opposite couch. He was spared… for now.
“What, no scolding?” He decided to test, tilting his head to the side as he watched you. 
You only let out a small laugh, and somehow that was worse than any scolding he’d ever received from you. You were oddly calm, like all your anger had just melted away. Leaning forward, you slid an enclosed piece of paper across the table towards him. 
“Can you guess what this is, Ken?” You ask, your eyes finally looking back up to meet his. 
Ken knew not to answer. He was ready to spit out some witty reply, but the look in your eyes told him that this was going to go down another route; one that he definitely didn’t want to aggravate. 
“It’s my resignation letter.” You say nonchalantly, causing him to straighten up once more. “I keep it handy.”
Resignation letter? Was this real? Were you actually going to quit over this? He opened his mouth to speak up but quickly shut it when you maintained your soul-searching gaze. He tried to relax, yet the furrow in his eyebrows seemed to stay as you continued on. 
“I’m going to be very clear on what’s going to happen next, Ken.” You say, resting your arms on your knees. “This will be the last time I help you clear up a mishap. After everything is settled, I’m gone.” 
Gone. His eyes widened slightly, the palms of his hands starting to get clammy. He let out a light, nervous laugh, looking at you as if you had just said something absurd. Which, in his defense, you sort of did. Again, he had no idea why this news was so shocking to him, seeing as you’d only worked under him for a year and a half. Surely he couldn’t have been that terrible, right? He stared at the folded paper in front of him before speaking up.
“What, uh, what do you mean gone?” He asked through a breathy laugh. “Gone like a break or something? I’m happy to give you one-”
“Gone as in I quit.” You cut him off, standing up as you adjusted the sleeves of your shirt. “Like I said, this is the last time I clean up your mess, Ken Sato.” 
You moved to walk away, but he quickly caught your arm. “Woah, hold on a sec,” He stood up, looking down at you with stunned eyes. “Quit? C’mon, [Y/N] I know I screwed up but you can’t just leave me hanging like this-” 
You scoffed at him then, yanking your arm out of his grasp. “Oh I can’t leave you hanging, huh? Tell me, Ken, how many times have I saved your ass in the last eighteen months I’ve been working for you, hm?”
He swallowed dryly as he tried to recall. He was used to having his name on headlines, most especially after his move last year. He couldn’t go five seconds without seeing his ads pop up on his platforms, hell he couldn’t even go five blocks without seeing a billboard with his face on it. Which all brought him back to one thing: not one negative scandal under his name. With you, he was perfect; jack of all trades in the MLB and the internet’s favorite spokesperson. 
Shit. Strike two. 
You only hummed in response once you read over his expression. “Exactly. So the next time you even think about downplaying my job, remember how I was the reason for your recent success.”
Ken was at a loss for words. Rarely was he ever left speechless, he always seemed to have a response ready for anything. But now was definitely not one of those times. He watched as you bent down to retrieve that dreaded letter, and you shoved it into his chest before moving to finally walk past him. 
“Our flight leaves tomorrow at five a.m, I'll see you in the lobby at three.” You say, not so much as sparing him a glance as you fixed your bag. 
He managed to let out a quiet ‘okay’, gripping onto your letter tightly as he watched you pack up. Damn Ken, you really did it this time, didn’t you? He thought to himself, wondering how- or rather, if he would be able to make things right with you. For the first time in his career, he was thinking about someone else other than himself. 
“Oh and Ken,” You say, breaking him out of his dazed stance. 
“Hm?” He hummed out, averting his gaze to be level with yours. 
“You had better pray that the next assistant you get is half as good as I am.” You said before closing the door, leaving him alone in his dressing room. All of a sudden it felt… quiet. Too quiet. He sighed, dropping down on the couch once more before closing his eyes and masking his face with his hands.
Strike three. 
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THE TENSION IN THE CAR WAS PAINSTAKINGLY PALPABLE. Ken’s leg bounced as the two of you were stuck in airport traffic, the car unmoving for nearly half an hour now. Your occasional sighs and the hum of the car’s engine were the only sounds filling the air. He felt like he was going crazy. He hadn’t been able to sleep properly the night before thanks to your bombshell of an announcement. In comparison, though, he probably shouldn’t be complaining about bombshells when he himself dropped one twice the size of yours. 
Still, he was restless. You hadn’t uttered a single word to him since landing back in Tokyo, and the unwanted solitude was driving him nuts. He glanced over at you through his shades, noting the way you were impatiently tapping your fingers against the wheel. Obviously you were still pissed at his little stunt, and the articles following the incident didn’t aid in calming your anger. 
He knew it wasn’t smart, but he needed to talk to you. The sea of red lights in front of him remained stagnant, and he didn’t want to spend another minute in this deafening quietude. He gnawed at his bottom lip before finally breaking the silence. 
“Can we talk?” He said, looking over at you. 
“No.” You replied bluntly.
“[Y/N]-” He started, but one glance from you was enough to shut him up. 
“I am doing you a huge favor by helping you solve the mess you created.” You said as you looked back at the road ahead of you, lifting your fingers and circling your thumbs around the wheel. “I could’ve left right then and there, leaving you to deal with this on your own. But I didn’t, I don’t know why, but I didn’t.”
You looked back up at him, and only now did he notice the circles under your eyes and the paleness of your complexion. Something inside him twisted; he couldn’t tell if it was guilt or regret. Guilt, probably, for having to rely on you to correct his mistakes, and regret for even causing this whole debacle in the first place. 
“The least I’m asking from you is your compliance.” You say tiredly, the glint in your eyes doing most of the talking. 
“Yeah, okay. Sorry.” He managed to get out, leaning back into the passenger seat. 
And just like that, the dreaded silence was back. By some miracle the traffic started to gain some speed, the taillights of the cars ahead of him dispersing onto the road. His head hit the back of the headrest, and he sat through the entire ride back to the Tokyo Dome contemplating his recent choices. 
It was only when you knocked on the window of the passenger side when he realized he had finally reached his destination. He got out, stretching his limbs after being cramped inside the car for so long. He threw on his jacket lazily, not even bothering to zip it up. He went to put on his cap, but then he noticed something odd. 
It was quiet outside the building, the bristle of the trees and the nearby roads the only sound filling his ears. There was something lacking; the neverending shuttering sounds of cameras and eager voices yelling at him to look or to say something. He realized then the lack of paparazzi and reporters outside to greet him, just like they usually did whenever he came back from a trip. His head turned, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked around. Not a single one in sight.
“‘Something wrong?” You asked as you walked past him to swipe your ID into the security system. 
“It’s just,” He said, still looking around in confusion. He let out an airy laugh as he followed you inside, the expression on his face remaining the same. “There’s no paps or anything.”
At that you laugh, albeit sarcastically, waiting for him to get into the elevator. “You know that might be the first time I’ve ever heard a famous person complain about not being bombarded by ill-intent people.” 
“I’m not complaining, trust me.” He says, putting his hands up halfway in defense. “It’s weird. That’s all.” 
“Well that’s what happens when people think you’re spending time with your special someone after being away for so long.” You say, pulling up a press announcement on your phone. 
For a split second, Kenji had completely forgotten that he had to keep up the fact that he supposedly had a significant other waiting for him at home. He let out an ‘ah’, sliding his hands into his pockets as the elevator went up. Again his heart panged, finally realizing why your eyebags were deeper than they usually were. While he may have had discomfort in his slumber, it didn’t compare to the hours you were up trying to get everything settled here.
You held the door open to your office, letting him in first. Once the lights were on, he was greeted with your infamous whiteboard, different scribbles of colorful ink filling up the space corner to corner. He cringed at the bolded date of the talk show he was on. 
“Your bags will be sent here in the next hour, and valet has your bike ready.” You say, doing the usual routine you did whenever the both of you came back from work trips. He sat down on the sofa, nodding each time you reminded him of something. 
“Now, about the issue,” You walk over to the whiteboard, erasing its contents. “We need to find you a fake girlfriend.” 
He choked on nothing, not surprised by the news but surprised by the continued bluntness of your tone. “I beg your pardon?”
“We need to find you a fake girlfriend.” You repeated, emphasizing the words obnoxiously. 
“Yeah I get that,” He finally replied, a look of uncertainty splashing his features. “But you’re making it sound like all we need to do is shop around.”
“Well unless you can give me a face, let alone a name to your special someone, this is the plan we have.” You retort, resting a hand at your hip as the other points at the board. 
“Why can’t I just be one of those celebrities who keep their relationship private?” He questions genuinely. 
“Oh I’m sorry, who was the one who announced that they were in love on live television?” You remind him, annoyance laced in your words. 
He bites back any sort of sarcastic remark that conjures up in the back of his head. You were right, obviously you were right. But some part of him felt it was… unfair to not have a say in this. Stupid, yes, but it’s how he felt.
“Can I continue or is there anything else you want to unnecessarily add?” You ask, looking at him with an eyebrow raised. 
He only lifted a hand, signaling for you to carry on. You go on to explain that whoever ends up “dating” him will need to have to go through a contract signing, NDA included. You draw up charts on your board, showing him the possible stats of his ratings if he’ll be able to pull this off. 
“Your next playoff season is about to start, I suggest we get all this settled by then.” You scroll on your smartwatch, looking at the calendar. “It gives me two weeks to plan everything out. I need you here tomorrow bright and early so that we can go through a list of potential candidates.”
“Candidates? What is this, speed-dating?” He says, making a face at all the analytical parts of your plan. 
“No, it’s a game called ‘save-my-reputation.’” You answer snarkily, narrowing your eyes slightly at him. 
He takes in a deep breath, starting to get annoyed with your remarks. He knew he had no right to, but to think that you were just dictating away at his choices made him feel like some sort of plaything. 
“I just don’t understand why we even need to find a ‘girlfriend’ in the first place.” He massages the back of his head before crossing his arms. “I mean everyone thinks I’ve successfully hidden my love life up until now, what’s the point of going all out?”
He could see you clench your fingers around the marker, and he knew he was close to reaching your tipping once more. All in the span of twenty-four hours. You pinched the bridge of your nose before you spoke up.
“Ken. You told the world that you were in love.” You say in an eerily calm tone. “You got yourself into this mess, now you have to get yourself out of it. And unless you want to say goodbye to your stardom, this is what you need to do.” 
He opened his mouth to speak up but was cut off by your phone’s ringing. You answered, spewing out a quick and formal ‘thank you’ to whoever was on the other line. You sighed, placing your marker back down on your desk before you walked past him towards the glass door. 
“Your bags are here.” You say, opening the door. “Your bike’s parked outside and everything should be good to go.” 
Your demeanor had changed in a split second, going from PR manager to assistant in the blink of an eye. At times Ken wondered how you were able to juggle everything. It wasn’t the main thing that was on his mind, he had… other, more serious things to worry about. Like the other secret he had kept from you all this time; Ultraman. He shook his head, trying not to focus on his double life on top of the situation he was in. 
Ken knew that your words were a sign to get up and get out, and he did just that. You followed him all the way back down to the lobby of the stadium, handing him his duffel bag and walking him to his bike. Despite your earlier mood, you did your checks on his motorbike that he had grown accustomed to after a while. 
“Tomorrow, bright and early.” You remind him, crossing your arms as he got on his bike. “Please.”
“Tomorrow, bright and early.” He repeats through a huff, slinging his bag into the compartment attached to the back of his motorbike. “Got it.” 
You only hummed in response, turning away to walk back into the stadium. He didn’t know what it was that came over him, but before he knew it he was grabbing your arm softly once more. Your head spun around to look at him, more of your stray hairs spilling out of your updo. At this angle the sunset brought out the shininess of your eyes, the early evening shadows accentuating your features. 
He swallowed before he continued. “You know for what it’s worth, I really am sorry.” 
Instead of another curt response, though, you sighed as you pressed your lips together. He lets go of your arm then, not wanting to invade anymore of your personal space than he already has. He can see you poke your tongue into your cheek, a habit you did when you were in contemplation. 
“Well,” You finally breathe out, your expression relaxing. “If you’re actually as sorry as you say you are, you’ll do as I say.” 
“‘Course.” He says before his face gets obscured by his helmet. He nods towards your direction once more before finally revving the engine. 
Only time will tell what the outcome is, but whatever it is, he hopes he ends up in the one where you don’t loathe his very being. 
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reyalvr © 2024 … do not repost, alter, or steal my work.
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tags┊@mochminnie, @rreasonablydumbb, @sincerest-one, @fruticake, @lunaryasha, @lovingyeet, @sugacor3, @arrozyfrijoles23, @fennecspage, @mmeerraa, @azryaa, @akiradailylifes, @montybooks, @mmv-ymvm, @hore4ken, @greeniegreengreen, @meikoo, @random-3455, @todaywasafairytale07, @mythicalmoa, @imafangirlofeverything, @astylos, @vynwan-cbq, @rosegiyanabing, @icedberrytea, @ken-zah, @letharue, @chi222, @flooftoof, @c4ttheart, @ymrai, @stxrrielle, @alpha-mommy69, @ewitscat, @lightsinmycity, @furblrwurblr, @ayamago, @sugururawr, @secretlyapartofthisfandom @shellspider, @oh-kurva, @noraimp
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nkogneatho · 6 months ago
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𝐻𝐴𝑈𝑁𝑇𝐼𝑁𝐺 𝐿𝑂𝑉𝐸
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—a/n: hii i am pasi and i like to make people cry and suffer.
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He didn't mean it. right?
"You are so fucking insufferable. My wife was so much better than you. You can never be like her."
It stung you. your heart raced faster as fear, panic and pain seeped in your blood. You and toji had gotten into a petty arguement earlier. It was only a matter of time before it turned into a full fledged fight the way none of you were backing down. usually, you both would've just been mad for a few hours before apologizing to each other—although your apologies were in the form of long hugs and favorite food—but this one took the worst turn.
The room was silent for thirty seconds after the words left his mouth. Tears threatened your eyes. To be honest, you did not even have the energy to put a fight with them. So you just let them fall.
"I know." You finally spoke but it was a broken whimper. "I know, dammit." You bit your lips, holding in your loud cries. You wanted to sob till the neighbors knew something was wrong, but you suppressed them. "I can never be like her. She was perfect. She was beautiful. She—she would never get on your nerves like me." You stammered between sentences. "I get it. I respect her." Toji looked at you with raging eyes, his adrenaline still hadn't calmed down but you could spot regret when his brow softened a little.
"But, honestly toji...I don't give a fuck about being like her. I never tried to be. All I tried was to— to love you more that her so you could know your worth after you lost her." Every cell in your body tried to gather as much courage as it could to just stand there and being able to say this.
All the anger in his suddenly had vanished, replaced with regret and hatred for himself. He never wanted to make you feel like this. He never wnated to fuck this up, and make you cry. But now he had. He let his hand reached you, only to notice your leg stepping backward.
"I am never going to be enough, right? Fuck. I can't do this."
"No. Don't say it—"
"I think it's time I leave." Feet rushing towards you, his steps heavier.
"Don't say that. Fuck I am so sorry. I didn't mean it, baby. I..." Broken sobs left your lips. He wanted to kiss them away, but he didn't know if he could right now. Big thumb brushed away your thick tears, palm resting against your cheek. He picked you up and carried you to the bedroom. Placing your body on the grey mattress, he climbed on the bed, laying next to you with your head on his arms. There were no words exchanged for the rest of the night. When your sobs stopped, he kissed your forehead as you passed out from exhaustion. The sight bought him both peace and pain. He promised himself that he will make it up to you tomorrow.
The sun was brighter the next morning, or at least that is what Toji felt when the sun rays coming from the window fell directly on his body. Usually, he'd wake up to the shade of your body. His eyes widened as he hastily sat up, finding you nowhere on the bed.
"No. No. No. Please."
He rushed to the bathroom, but it was empty. Kitchen? Empty. Hall? Empty. Wait. He moved closer to the coffee table when he caught a glimpse of what seemed like a note.
"Thank you for everything and I am sorry I wasn't enough. Goodbye Toji."
A loud thud emerged as Toji's kness met the floor, clueless eyes scanning the room. It qas more silent than usual. The kind of silence that was killing him. Has it always been this quiet?
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smutoperator · 3 months ago
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Dirty-Talking Leaders
Hwang Yeji, Yu Jimin (Karina) x Male Reader
Tags: A2M, (lots of) anal, anal fingering, ass eating, carry-fucking, creampie, cum swapping, (lots of) dirty talk, facefucking, facial, full nelson, gape, girlfriend, multiple cumshots, pussy eating, squatting, squirting, threesome, titfucking
Word Count: 6869
Your girlfriend Yeji has been largely absent from your life this year, very busy touring with her group; she's got barely any time for you. At this point, you wonder if she still loves you at all.
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"We have talked very little since you began touring," you say to her. "Do you still love me?" you ask her. "Of course I do," Yeji replies. But you remain unconvinced, since it's been a long while since you two had shared any moments.
On the following day, you arrive at your apartment. Yeji told you she was gonna be there, but as you enter it, you are unable to find her. Maybe she's finally gone and no longer wants to pretend to like you at all.
You search the house, trying to find if Yeji is in there. Some stuff that belongs to her is still around the apartment, but she's nowhere to be found. You keep digging but still can't find her. Is she hiding for you? Are you just clueless? Who knows.
You decide to go back to your bedroom, losing hope of ever fiding her, until you get surprised by a striking view just as you open the door.
Your girlfriend is there, completely naked, getting kissed by another girl, also without any clothes on. And what a body she's got: a beautiful face, perfect thighs, but above all else, an amazing pair of big tits.
"What do you think of my new girlfriend, honey? Isn't she pretty?" Yeji pokes fun at you as Karina keeps kissing her. "She's really stunning," she continues as you approach both of them. Yeji doesn't even look at your face, focusing on the massive erection building under your shorts and loving how quickly you got turned on by their naked bodies.
"Yeji told me you have been waiting for a long time for such a moment since she's started touring. I can guarantee we're gonna blow your mind," Karina says very confidently. "What do you think of him, Rina?" Yeji asks. "Seems like he's already ready for us," she continues as you kiss Karina and she touches your still clothed erection.
"That's so hot, baby," Yeji says. "Come on, let this beautiful naughty girl drive you crazy," she continues, pulling your shorts down to unveil your huge cock, as Karina now jerks it off while Yeji watches both of you enjoying each other with your naked bodies.
"I want you to suck his cock," Yeji tells Karina as she gives her big-booed friend a heavy smile. "Oh, dear, I can tell I'm going to suck the life out of his cock," Karina says, slowly getting on her knees as she keeps her hands touching it at all moments.
"Isn't she perfect?" Yeji asks you as you two kiss each other. Karina starts by licking your balls, then moving all the way up your shaft as she stares at you with her sexy eyes. Both of you and Yeji smile looking at this pretty girl with big tits on her knees for your cock.
"I love this big fucking cock," Karina whispers to you. Yeji also gets on her knees but just watches Karina take it in her mouth and stroke it. "I love the way she wants it," Yeji continues. "What a good girl, taking it slow and nice," she continues.
You slowly toy with Karina's mouth as Yeji dunks her head into your crotch. "Take that whole cock, good girl," she says. "Give me more; I want you to feed me that big cock," Karina says as soon as it pops out of her mouth. Yeji obliges. "That's so hot," you and her say almost at the same time as your shaft slowly disappears down Karina's throat.
"I'm going to get this cock so fucking wet for you; every time you push it in my throat, I'm gonna spit all over it like a good slut, getting it wetter and wetter," Karina says to you. That's the spirit; you love the way she talks dirty to you, making you groan as she licks the tip of it. 
"Look at her body, baby; doesn't it deserve more of your attention?" Yeji asks. "Get behind her and worship this beautiful ass," she orders, telling Karina to stand up and getting in front of her to kiss her best friend. Karina lets out a sexy moan as you slide your tongue between her buttcheeks, while Yeji gets on her knees and kisses Rina's tits and tummy before going all the way down to her pussy.
Karina becomes the center of attention as she pushes both of your heads into her sexy fuckholes. Yeji eats her cunt out while you tongue her tiny asshole. "Ahhhhh, ahhhhh," she lets out more sexy moans, her right feet planted on top of Yeji's ass, as the itzy girl slides under her body.
"Holy shit, you two are so hot working your tongues in both my holes," Karina says. "Love how you lick my dirty asshole like that," she continues, taking a deep breath afterwards as you too stay determined to get her folds wetter. "Share me like a good fucktoy, AHHHHHHHHH FUCK," Karins keeps saying as you two worship every inch of her pussy.
"You're such a naughty little girl, Yeji, licking my little fucking cunt in front of your boyfriend," Karina tells her. "Tell me, does it taste better than his big fucking cock?" she continues. Yeji doesn't answer; just like in the past few months, she's too busy touring, but this time the your is on Rina's folds.
You get back on your feet and kiss Karina, taking advantage that Yeji is too busy playing with her pussy, as you two share lots of affection with your lips and you grab Rina's big tits, which are in very close range. "Hmm, baby, you like those big tiddies? Then let's go into bed, and I'll show you how good they are," Karina says.
You lay on the bed jerking your cock off, while both girls get on their knees. "I love watching you suck my boyfriend's cock," Yeji says as Karina sticks her tongue out and licks your shaft from top to bottom. "Wow!" you exclaim as Karina puts it in her warm mouth and stares at you. Yeji is there at the side, smiling at your reactions to her friend's hotness.
"Oh my God," you groan as Karina gives you a perfect deepthroat. "Look like you're enjoying it," Yeji says. And Karina hasn't even started, tonguing your tip and already putting you on the edge. "Look in my eyes and feel my hands crushing that fucking cock," Karina says as she uses it to massage your shaft, making the muscles of it crack and forcing you to use all your forces just to not cum.
"You like my grip on that cock?" Karina says. You can't answer anything, just letting out a groan to survive. You can tell who taught her those edging moves—none other than Yeji herself. And damn what a good teacher she is, because even the simplest moves can already drive you insane.
Karina keeps teasing your cock. "This is just the beginning; I'm gonna use all my orifices to jerk off that beautiful big cock," she says. And she hasn't even used her secret weapon yet, bobbing her head on your cock without using her hands. "I like to go very deep on that big fucking cock," Karina says, getting very sloppy and spitting all over it.
"I love it so much, ohhhhh, this is the best day ever," you say. "Well, we're gonna make it even better, Karina says, unleashing her (not so) secret weapon as she wraps your shaft around her big tits. "Oh, those tits are so perfect, especially sandwiching my baby's big cock," Yeji says, praising her best friend's assets.
"AHHHH, AHHHH, AHHHH," you scream as Karina bounces her tits on your cock. "Oh my God, she's so good," Yeji says as Karina licks the tip of your cock while squeezing it between her tits. "See, baby, I only bring home the best for you," Yeji brags.
"I love the way you work that cock," Yeji tells Karina. "Then come lick the tip too," she replies. "Suck that tip while I stroke that big cock with my massive fucking tits," Rina continues. And that's the moment where you finally can't take it anymore. The long drought had made you completely unprepared for Yeji's magical throat, meaning the moment that she stuck it in your cock for the first time, you caved and burst ropes of cum all over her mouth, with her spitting it so your sperm landed right on Karina's tits.
"Poor baby, he couldn't handle both of us squeezing that cock together," Yeji laughs. Karina pushes her boobs up, tasting your cum mixed with her and Yeji's saliva. "Tell me how it tastes," Yeji asks her. "Salty and sweet," Karina answers.
"That's your fault, you fucking bitch," you say, angry at Yeji for embarrassing you and making you cum so early in front of her best friend. "Yes, baby, that's my fault; I'm really to blame, not you, for missing my sexy mouth in your cock that much," Yeji punches back. "Come here, slut, I'm gonna show how much I missed it," you say.
You grab Yeji's long hair and push her face against your crotch, pounding it with full force. You truly can't deny Yeji's throat is indeed magical, as your cock quickly sprung back up and harder than ever. Karina takes advantage of her friend getting her face plowed, getting on her knees as well behind you to lick your asshole just like you did to hers earlier.
"Take my balls, bitch," you tell Yeji as you keep fucking her face. "Your girlfriend is really a sloppy bitch," Karina says as Yeji bobs her head hard on your cock. "Fuck that face like a pussy," she demands. Yeji pulls up a great show, taking your cock balls deep in her throat, getting Karina jealous as she watches her best friend pull out an amazing work with her throat. "Wanna stuff both our mouths like fleshlights?" Karina asks, getting into your bed with her ass up, with Yeji soon following up.
You then take turns stuffing Yeji and Karina's beautiful, sexy, naughty mouths, getting your cock wetter for their tight holes. "Don't close your eyes," you tell Karina, pounding Yeji's face hard afterwards while she stays with them wide open. "That's how it's done," you tell Karina shortly after. Yeji once again takes the roughest pounding, putting her head on the edge of the bed as your cock destroys her slutty face. When you're finally done, both their chins now drip in saliva as they do a great job spitting all over your big cock as you fuck their faces harder at each turn. After you're finished, you share a triple kiss with both girls, trading further fluids with their naughty mouths.
The two girls push you into the bed as Karina puts her huge tits in your face while Yeji makes the final adjustments to sit on your cock. "That's better than what I expected," Karina says. "I told you he had a big cock," Yeji replies.
Yeji deepthroats you a couple more times, enjoying all the blood of your body rushing into that big shaft. You grab her by the neck, and you two kiss each other like a pair of horny wild wolves. She crawls on top of your body. "Give me that fucking pussy," you whisper in her ear as you suck her perky little tits.
"Come here, Rina, help me and put this big fat cock in my tight meaty pussy," Yeji says as she detaches from you and positions herself on a classic girl on top position. Karina guides your cock into her entrance with a bright smile in her eyes, while Yeji pleases herself further by fingering her asshole.
"Fucking stretch my pussy open, baby boy," Yeji says as your cock gets inside her. "Sit on that big dick," Karina tells her as she positions herself on top of your face. "Such a big fucking cock, it barely fits in this little pussy," Yeji says.
"Oh my God, that feels so good," Yeji says, leaning forward to suck Karina's tits as she slowly bounces on your cock. Karina is having a blast, with your tongue licking her folds down low and Yeji playing with her boobs up top. Yeji detaches from her, bouncing on your cock already in a fast pace and showing her amazing cock-riding skills. But no worries for Karina, as Yeji's mouth is quickly replaced by your stretching arms, with your hands groping her tits hard.
Yeji shows why she's one of the biggest jigglers in the business. Her boobs may not have Karina's massive size, but she compensates that by being an elite bouncer. Karina watches as her best friend teases her. "I know you want to ride this big fucking cock too, having it stretch that little pink pussy and making those big tits bounce like pinballs," Yeji says to her.
"Feed that big cock to this little pussy, fuck baby," Yeji says as Karina gets close to her and kisses her best friend. "Hmmm, naughty girl," Karina says. "OH FUCK," Yeji moans as she puts her fingers up Rina's mouth. "Taste that ass," she says to Rina, putting her fingers back in her butthole while still bouncing on your cock.
"Fuck baby, your cock is so deep in me I can feel it through my asshole," Yeji says, leaning her body down as both of you team up to eat Karina's pussy. "Ahhhhh, ahhhhh," Yeji moans as Karina now motorboats her big tits in your face and you grab her girlfriend by her slim waist, trying not to lose sight with so much action going on around you.
Yeji rides your cock very slowly now, taking every inch of that big cock and teasing you about the wonders of Karina. "If your cock is already throbbing for my little pussy like that, you'll be blown away by my friend's little pink hole," she says. Her dirty talk drives you mad, as you start thrusting upwards while sucking Karina's boobs and grab Yeji's ass, shoving your big fingers up her tiny butthole.
"Hmmm, baby, I see you can't hide your anal obsession for long. But you'll have to wait today, AHHHHH," Yeji says, moaning as your hands. "But first, I want to see this big cock sliding deep in my friend's pussy," she continues.
Karina spreads her legs and sits on your cock. Much to your disappointment, she sits in a reverse position, so you're unable to see her massive tits bouncing. But that's exactly how she intended, teasing you to build up your desire for those massive melons.
"Oh baby, just like that, I love this big fucking cock in my pussy," Karina says as Yeji kisses her. "Be a naughty girl; bounce up and down, my boyfriend," Yeji says, moving in front of her and getting on her knees as she's ready to heat up your balls, lick your shaft, and taste Karina's stretched-out pussy.
"I want to feel every inch sliding in and out of my pussy," Karina says as she increases her pace. Yeji stretches her hands to grab her best friend's big boobs. "Baby, isn't she the best and the tightest?" she asks you. "Oh my God, I love the way your boyfriend fucks my pussy," Karina tells her, as Yeji now places her hands in Rina's pussy and her mouth in your asshole.
"Jerk of that cock while I bounce on it," Karina tells Yeji, who does just as she demands. That makes you lose your cool again, thrusting upwards against Karina's wonderful pussy. "YES, YES, YES," you groan and scream, impressed by the tightness of her hole.
"Taste your pussy," Yeji says, stretching Karina's cunt further, inserting a couple fingers in it, then moving up to shove it in her mouth while sucking her best friend's tits. You seize the opportunity to pound Rina's pussy at full speed, hitting her cervix no stop. "YES, BABY, FUCK THAT LITTLE PUSSY HARD," Yeji commands, raising her voice. "UHHHHH FUCK, FUCK FUCK, FUCK, AHHHHH," Karina moans as she is surprised by sudden blasts inside her tight hole and her tits bounce hard, which Yeji loves to watch, masturbating herself to the scene.
"Slam those balls against her dirty little cunt," Yeji demands of you. "I'm gonna do it even better," you reply to her. Karina's perfect ass at your sight activates your biggest kinks. And if her pussy is already this tight, you know her asshole will be even better, grabbing your shaft and switching holes.
"Oh baby, you want my ass? You gotta go slow on it though; I'm barely warmed up," Karina says. Yeji adds a little spit to your shaft. "You're gonna get really warmed up with that big cock up your tiny little ass, Rina," she says. 
Karina bounces her perfect ass on your cock as Yeji adds a little heat to her pussy. "Rub my cunt like that," she tells her best friend, who also sucks her tits. "It fucking feels like heaven," Karina says. "I'm so proud of you taking that big dick," Yeji tells her. "I'm so happy that this cock is deep in my ass," Karina replies.
You pull out of Karina's butthole, leaving out a gape that Yeji is quickly to fill with her tongue. "You're gonna have a lot more time to fuck her ass baby, but now I need you to fuck mine," she says.
Yeji gets on all fours as Karina tongues her asshole while she sucks your cock. "Your ass tastes so good," Karina tells her. Yeji gets your cock wet as Karina feasts in her ass. You mount on top of your girlfriend, ready to end a months-long drought and punish your slutty girlfriend for giving up that butthole to countless guys while she was on tour.
"Oh fuck, that dick feels so good in my ass," Yeji says. Perhaps just as good is Karina's tongue licking her pussy, as she slides under your girlfriend's body. "Fill my asshole up with that cock," she says. You spread her cheeks, enjoying the gape that starts to emerge in her butthole. "That's quite a big gape, you dirty slut; I bet many guys fucked that hole in that endless tour, but I'm still the best one," you say.
"Yes, baby, you're the best cock to take my ass; that's why I want you to take it hard and deep," Yeji answers. You do just that, fucking her ass hard and deep, better yet with you having such a great cheerleader to motivate you. "Deeper, deeper, stretch that ass balls deep," Karina tells you.
"That cock is so hot going up and down that naughty butt," Karina says to you, making you pound your girlfriend even harder. "I love the way you shove that cock balls deep in my ass," Yeji then says as you give her a massive gape. 
"Pound it, pound it," Karina keeps pushing you. "Isn't that gape beautiful?" Yeji asks afterwards as she chenches it down with your cock deep in her anus, making you groan hard. You pin Yeji's head into the bedsheet, which only makes her want you to push harder. "FUCK THAT ASSHOLE," she rises her voice.
"Like that?" you ask her, meeting her demands with hard thrusts that make the bed shake. Her moans get faster and louder. "KEEP POUNDING, KEEP POUNDING," she says. You destroy Yeji's asshole. "YES, POUND ME, FUCK ME," she begs as her asshole turns into your fleshlight and you spank it hard. "GIVE IT TO ME, GIVE IT TO ME," she keeps begging. "That's the best fucking hole you're ever gonna get; take it hard," she brags as you pin her into the bedsheets and give her a rough prone-bone assfucking while she reaches for Karina's pink pussy and eats her best friend out trying to cope with the violence of your thrusts.
Yeji winks her gape to you as you finish fucking her ass, feeding your cock for Karina to taste. "Suck it, baby, I'm gonna fuck your ass next, but first I need you to clean my cock from my girlfriend's dirty butthole," you tell her.
"Taste her ass," you say to Karina as she feasts on your big cock, taking it deep in her throat and enjoying Yeji's asshole flavor.
"Spread it, baby," you say as Karina gets on all fours. "I want you to use that asshole," she says, in a very soft manner. Despite you fucking it just a few minutes ago, it barely feels like it, as her hole remains extremely tight and you have to carefully insert your cock in her tiny butthole, which refuses to give up.
"Ahhhh, oh my God," Karina moans as she bites the bedsheets while her asshole is slowly stretched out. "Your boyfriend's cock feels so good in my ass; it stretches me out so well," she says to Yeji.
"Fuck her hard, make her remember that cock," Yeji tells you as she pops out on top of Karina's ass, placing her hands on her best friend's cheeks to stretch it out. "Keep spreading it," you tell Yeji, who obliges.
"I love feeling that big cock stretching out my tiny pink asshole," Karina says to you in an aegyo-esque manner, telling you how numb she feels for that cock. Her tight hole squeezes your cock to the maximum, forcing you to put your best effort into fucking it, even with Yeji helping spread it out. It won't be long until you cum again, especially when you look at your girlfriend's slutty face and the way she sticks her tongue out in glee, loving watching your cock disappear inside her best friend's asshole.
"Oh my God, fuck, that cock is so fucking good, ahhhhh," Karina moans. "Looks like that slut can't get enough of that big cock, baby," Yeji says. You look at your girlfriend in the eye while Rina keeps moaning like a kitty in heat. Just like with Yeji, you want to see Karina's gaping hole after your big cock pounds it. But unlike your girlfriend, her hole clenches as soon as your cock pops out of it.
Karina teases you as she also winks her butthole. Even though the size of her asshole is inversely proportional to the size of her tits, you and Yeji bring up a perfect team effort to spread it out and slowly gape it. "That's my girl." You praise Yeji's efforts and feed your cock to her tongue as a reward for her to taste Karina's anus.
"You're such a nasty little whore tasting that asshole; that's what you like, your friend's tiny little butthole," you tell Yeji. "Yes, baby, we are two nasty little whores," she replies to you while Karina is still biting the bedsheets and moaning. "What else do you want for spreading that tiny hole for me?" you ask Yeji. "I know your cock from top to bottom; I can tell you're really close to cumming again. I want you to glaze my face full of your cum when that tiny little ass milks you dry," she demands.
"Spread it wider if you want to get it," you tell Yeji as you get balls deep in Karina's ass. The big tit girl closes her eyes as her asshole gets obliterated and her massive milkers bounce like crazy, and your cock claps against her cheeks. "OH MY GOD, FUCKKKKK," she moans softly as you and Yeji keep playing with her asshole. "Fuck my tiny little asshole just like that," Karina says as you give her butt a huge spank, making her scream. "You fuck me so hard," she moans. Yeji, like the nasty whore she is, licks her best friend's butthole as your cock fills it up. You take turns between both girls holes until you finally can't resist and blast a massive load into Yeji's naughty face, just as she asked for.
"There it is, you fucking slut, my fucking cum all over that fucking face," you say to Yeji, who scoops the drops that fall into Karina's asshole and licks your cock. She then brings her best friend to lick her face and taste her boyfriend's cum. "Taste at this salty and sweet sperm; I know you love it," Yeji says to Karina, who sweeps her tongue all over Yeji's face, adding to her already massive amounts of milk in her body.
The two girls get some time to kiss each other and savor your cum. "You're such a good little slut, Rina, milking my boyfriend dry," Yeji praises her best friend. "But we aren't done yet," she continues, laying her back on the bed. You already know what to do, sliding your cock back in your girlfriend's asshole. "I know you want more, baby; there is nothing you like better than fucking girls in their little assholes. I still remember that time you fucked all my groupmates and came in every single one of them," Yeji says.
The heat picks up as you kiss Yeji and start fucking her in a spooning position. Even though she's a massive slut, Yeji can also be a perfect, passionate girlfriend. "Put it nice and slow in me; that cock is so fucking big," she says, shifting her tone. Karina just watches as you too make out. "Oh my God," Yeji moans as you finger her cunt and pinch her nipples, slowly building her up for a big climax.
"Fuck, you're stretching my fucking asshole so fucking much," Yeji ramps up the f-bombs. "I love the way it stretches me out so fucking hard," she continues. "Did you tell your best friend that?" you ask, as Karina is out of view and turns into merely a bystander, still recovering from the pounding you gave to her asshole.
"That's so good; I like the way you go deep inside me," Yeji says as her anal spooning session continues. "Deep and slow in my little asshole, please, baby," Yeji begs. Karina just enjoys the two lovebirds having sex, masturbating herself to both of you getting fucked. "Keep going; I want to feel every inch inside that tiny little ass," Yeji continues.
"You mean every inch deep in that gaped ass, you whore," you say to Yeji, increasing the pace as your balls hit her clit with full force now, making her moan like crazy. "AHHHHHH, AHHHHHH, AHHHHH, AHHHHH," she screams. "That's what you asked for, you dirty little slut," you say to her as you go back to play with her cunt and enjoy her tits jiggle like they usually do during Itzy concerts.
"Yes, baby, that's the fucking spot," Yeji says as you massage her clit. Her orgasm is building up as you pound her hard. "Fucking give it to that little asshole," she says. Karina returns to the scene, kissing you as you destroy her best friend's fuckhole. "Hmm, she looks so good with so much cock in her ass," Karina says. "Even better with my fingers also in her needy cunt," you reply, stuffing them in Yeji's pussy and searching for that squirting fountain.
"Ohhhhh yeahhh, I like when you fill both my fucking holes, baby; make me squirt; do it like the last time I brought Ryujin here; make me squirt all over my friend's slutty face; ruin her smile," Yeji says, noting that Karina is enjoying watching her getting pounded.
Karina comes close to both of you as you try to make Yeji cum. "Oh yeah, baby, keep pounding that ass," your girlfriend says. Karina licks her best friend's pussy as you choke Yeji, making her walls clench even further. She's really close. You stimulate her nipples. "Fuck me just like that," she whispers to you. "Do you like fucking your slutty girlfriend in the ass?" Karina asks, kissing you. "Oh, I love it," you say to her.
"OH MY GOD, THAT'S SO GOOD, PUT IT ALL THE WAY INSIDE ME, OH, FUCK BABY, I'M CUMMING," Yeji screams as she squirts a fountain that lands in perfect sync with Karina's opening mouth. Better yet, Rina gets to taste it just as you place your mouth in her big tits and search for that hot milk. But you keep fucking Yeji after her orgasm, letting her turn the whole bedsheet wet. "OH FUCK, THAT'S HOW I WANT IT," she moans.
"Look how much this slut wants to get fucked in her asshole," you say to Karina, kissing Yeji while keeping your cock buried deep in her butt. "Now come here and taste it," you tell her as Karina dives her head into your big shaft. "I love watching my slutty friend taste my dirty little asshole," Yeji brags as she fists her own butthole and tastes it herself.
Karina wastes no time and tries to sit on your cock again, but this time you have different plans, grabbing her legs and putting her under a full nelson. "Oh fuck, baby, your cock feels so good to slide in and out of me," Karina says as her legs go fully up in the air. Yeji massages her best friend's lower body, paying special attention to her pink pussy.
"Look how this dirty little slut loves this cock, right? You like that, Rina?" Yeji asks as she massages Karina's pussy. "Yes, make me cum on that cock," Karina demands. "I FUCKING LOVE THAT DICK," Karina screams as you play with her hole and make it gape. "Stretch my asshole out, fuck, keep pumping that asshole deep; jerk that cock off inside me," Karina begs.
"That's so fucking hot, watching you take my boyfriend's cock," Yeji says to Karina. "I'm gonna cum all over it," the big tit girl answers as you fully lock her legs and turn Karina into an anal fleshlight. "Pound that ass, fuck it deep," Yeji says, cheering you up as you destroy Karina's tight butthole. "I'm gonna fucking cum," Karina moans. "Cum on his fucking cock," Yeji demands.
Karina reaches her orgams as Yeji enjoys seeing her friend's gaping butthole. "That's some good work, baby, gape that tight little ass," she says. "Spread my cheeks out; show your girlfriend how much you stretched my ass out," Karina tells you.
"Stuck your tongue inside of it," Karina says to Yeji, who follows. "Hmmm, such a delicious asshole," she says, taking your cock a couple times deep in her throat before putting it back in. "Yes, taste my stretched-out asshole," Karina approves.
"That's exactly what I want to see," Yeji brags, playing with her pussy as she watches you dominate Karina. "Rub your pussy, rub your fucking pussy, as you watch your boyfriend fuck me in my little ass," Karina orders to Yeji. "You wanna cum with me?" she then asks. "Let's cum together," Yeji says.
"Show me how hard you can fuck that ass; I wanna cum in that cock," Karina orders to you, who increases the pace. "Keep going, keep going; I wanna fucking cum," Karina continues to say. Yeji just sits and watches to get a privileged view of her best friend turning into her boyfriend's cocksleeve.
"FUCK THAT ASSHOLE AS HARD AS YOU FUCKING CAN, FUCK, AHHHHHHHH," Karina can't finish the sentence as her legs shake and she cums all over your cock. "Looks like that big cock was too much for that little slut to handle," Yeji says, her hands still in her pussy as she dives into your balls to lick Karina's dripping juices before diving into Karina's pussy to make it squirt further. "Eat that pussy, eat that fucking pussy, ahhhhhh," Karina moans as Yeji gets a juicy drink to taste and loves every second of it.
Yeji misses no opportunity, taking Karina's ass next in her mouth. "Taste that asshole, taste it; your girlfriend is really a dirty little slut; she loves having her tongue deep in my asshole," Karina says to her.
Karina smiles as you give her asshole a second round of pounding. "Fuck as hard as you want; that's your little jerkoff hole; that asshole loves your big fucking cock; shove that whole cock deep in my ass," she says as you reach to jerk her cunt off. "Fuck it harder; make my pussy feel those balls slapping all over my clit," she continues.
"Shit, that's your asshole, that your asshole, give it to me," Karina begs as you increase the pace and hammer your cock deep in her butt, her big tits losing control as they bounce hard. "FUCKKKKK YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, DON'T STOP," she screams as she cums again.
"Show your girlfriend what you did to that ass; pull it open," Karina orders to you as she pulls out a massive gape. "Look at that gape; it's so beautiful, so fucking hot," Yeji says as Karina winks it to her. "Looks like your boyfriend's big cock had a blast in my asshole; I hope he isn't tired yet," Karina replies as Yeji dives to taste her hole from your cock.
Both girls team up on your cock as you try to fuck their faces. But you are exhausted. However, the girls want more. Yeji puts her ass up and legs in the air as she lays down in your bed. "My turn," she says as you dive to eat her pussy out. Soon, both of you and Karina are teaming up on her holes, kissing each other as Rina eats Yeji's pussy and you eat her ass.
You quickly put your cock back in Yeji's ass, thrusting it slowly as you recover your energies. "How does it feel in this tight little asshole?" Karina whispers at her best friend's year. "So fucking amazing," Yeji says. "I love the slow and deep pumps, feeling it as you jerk your cock off in my butthole. So hot, baby, I love watching you fuck my ass—better, watching you fuck her ass and then get this big cock back in mine," she continues.
You play with Yeji's gaping hole. "That feels good, right? You like feeling her tight walls clenching on your big cock? Fucking gripping it," Karina asks you. "Please, baby, stick your whole cock deep in my asshole," Yeji begs. "You wanna empty your balls in your girlfriend right now?" Karina asks.
"He wants to empty his balls, but it's going to be in your asshole," Yeji whispers to Karina, spoiling her and making her smile. "Baby, you're so fucking perfect; just make me fucking gape like you do; you know what I like," Yeji keeps saying as Karina kisses her. 
Yeji spreads her ass and increases the size of her gape for Karina to see. "Your cock is so fucking good doing that to my asshole," Yeji says. "It's good and so fucking big too," Karina replies. "And it's getting that slutty asshole very loose, stretching it out perfectly," she continues.
"Ah, fuck, he's definitely loosening it up," Yeji moans as Karina whispers dirty words into her ears. Karina kisses her and fingers Yeji's pussy as you finally get the energy back to increase the pace and play with her gaps. "Oh baby, you and her are gonna make me cum soon; I'm gonna cum," Yeji says. "Then cum on his fucking dick," Karina repies.
"Yes, yes, make me cum baby, keep me fucking like that," Yeji says as Karina's nails pinch her clit, getting her even closer. "That's exactly what I need," Yeji keeps saying. "Oh shit, you hit my spot," Yeji tells Karina. "Your fingers are sending me to heaven," she continues.
"Cum for us, cum for us," Karina demands. "Use that asshole, fuck your girlfriend until she cums," she continues. "I'm gonna cum; I'm gonna cum; just keep doing that baby, FUCKKKKKK," Yeji cums and moans. "Perfect baby, I brought you such a sexy lady; I'm so glad you answered back by making me cum; you gave me such a good dick massage in my ass," Yeji says as you kiss her pussycat and eat her gaped butthole.
"It seems like Rina wants some more cock; are you gonna give it to her?" Yeji asks. "I'm a bit tired," you answer. "Come on, baby, just let her sit on that cock one more time and bounce those big tits all over it," Yeji says, pushing you into the bed as Karina jerks your cock off and prepares herself.
Karina impales herself in your big cock, starting an anal squatting session. "Let me see you sitting on this dick," Yeji says, getting behind her. "That's so fucking hot," Yeji continues, sucking your balls as Karina twerks her sexy ass on your cock, quickly ramping up the intensity and making her big tits bounce hard.
"It's so hot watching your ass bouncing on my boyfriend's dick," Yeji tells Karina. "That juicy ass is so sexy," Yeji tells her as Karins swings her butt back and forth. 
Yeji tastes your cock deep in her throat to make it even wetter for Karina's tight hole. "Taste my ass; lick every inch of that big fucking cock," Karina tells her. "Shove it back in my asshole; I need it so bad," she continues, to which Yeji obliges.
Yeji now gets even nastier, licking your shaft trying to follow Karina's bounce. "Give it to me," Karina whispers as Yeji puts you on the edge with her insane cock-licking and ball sucking. "You've got such a nice ass; I want to see you smash that booty on his big fucking dick," she tells Karina.
"Oh shit yes, that cock is so big in my asshole; I love how deep it gets inside me," Karina says as she keeps twerking and squatting on it. Yeji now gropes her best friend's boobs as she bounces on her boyfriend's cock. "I love riding that fucking dick with my asshole, yes, yes, yes," Karina tells her, moaning harder. "And I love watching you ride it; you've got such a hot ass, Rina," Yeji replies.
"Stretch me out, baby; I won't stop until you cum in my ass," Karina says. "Such a fucking dirty girl, the perfect cum slut," Yeji says, enjoying Karina's insane squatting on her boyfriend's dick. "Look how hard this dirty slut rides; she really wants your cum, baby," Yeji talks.
"Your boyfriend is living his best life now, Yeji, jerking off his big cock in my tiny little asshole, fulfilling the dream of every guy in this country," Karina says, flaunting about her assets as her asscheeks clap loudly against your hips. "Bounce on that fucking dick until he cums," Yeji says. 
Although you are quite tired, you finally decide to take matters into your own hands, getting up the bed and lifting Karina up to carryfuck her in the ass. Yeji slides under your body, sucking your balls as you pound Rina's butthole. "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, POUND THAT ASSHOLE, GIVE IT TO ME. SHITTT!" Karina screams, her big tits bouncing really hard as you take every opportunity to suck them as soon as they get within reach.
"CUM INSIDE ME BABY, CUM IN THAT TINY LITTLE ASSHOLE, SHOW YOUR GIRLFRIEND HOW MUCH YOUR BIG COCK LOVES IT," Karina begs. "DON'T STOP, USE THAT ASSHOLE UNTIL YOU FILL IT UP WITH YOUR SPERM," she continues to shout. Yeji uses her hands to stroke your cock as you pound her friend. "JERK THAT FUCKING COCK INSIDE ME, MAKE IT BUST," Karina orders.
Yeji's stimulation is too much for you to resist as you explode hard inside Karina's tight butthole, lifting her body completely and flaunting about the gape you left in her asshole like it's your personal trophy. Your cum starts dripping down it and lands straight on Yeji's mouth for her to taste. "Wow, that asshole got such a nice flavor with my boyfriend's salty and sweet cum," Yeji says.
"Bring her down; I want her to taste it," Yeji orders as you put Karina back on her feet and the two start kissing each other and swapping your semen in their mouths. "Such a nice, hot, and sticky load, isn't it?" Yeji asks Karina. "Yes, it's perfect; I can't wait to do this again," Karina replies.
Karina gets her clothes back on and leaves your apartment. What a fool you were for thinking Yeji no longer loved you. After today, you had no doubts; she was the best girlfriend ever. And more than that, the nastiest, dirtiest, and sluttiest of them all.
"So, baby, who do you want me to bring to you next time to fuck her ass?" Yeji asks. "But you can't say Karina," she continues.
"Honestly, any girl, you're such a good girlfriend to me," you tell her.
"Wait and see, I already have someone in mind," Yeji says, kissing your cock for one final time and licking the remnants of cum out of it.
"I can't wait," you say, kissing her as you collapse into your bed.
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zyafics · 9 months ago
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STAY THE NIGHT | Rafe Cameron
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MASTERLIST (oneshot) | x FWB!Female Reader
Summary — When Rafe sees you as just a fuck buddy, you embody the role and remind him what that truly means.
Word Count — 5.5K
Content — 18+, Smut, Jealousy (From Rafe), Dominance Play, Oral Receiving (F + M), Fingering, P in V Sex, Unprotected Sex, Cockwarming, Praise Kink, Fluff At The End
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Rafe Cameron doesn't get jealous.
You two aren't a couple. You are nothing more than casual fuck buddies that are conveniently located within proximity of one another when one of you need to blow off some steam or get off. The feeling is completely mutual.
However, you've been exclusive.
It's unspoken, of course. No one is willing to admit that they don't want the other to be sleeping with other people and you settled on that ambiguity.
You thought it could mean something more.
You thought wrong.
The other day, after fooling around, you laid in his bed, wearing nothing, and asked if you could stay the night. As part of your undefined relationship, you don't do sleepovers. Rafe doesn't do sleepovers. However, he was the one who was calling you after midnight. He was the one who wanted you to sneak out of your house, where your parents placed a curfew. If you go home now, you would be caught dead in the act and get into trouble. It would be easier to save yourself and stay over.
"No." Rafe declared, not letting the suggestion linger for more than a second. You lifted yourself from the bed by propping your elbows against his mattress, staring at the man who's searching for his throwaway clothes on the floor and redressed himself. "We don't do sleepovers. I don't want to be caught with a Pogue."
"Rafe." You said with a hint of annoyance. He saw you naked, but he was afraid of being seen with you in public? "It's fucking four in the morning. My parents are going to see me."
He scoffed. "Not my problem."
"So what? You don't care if I get in trouble?"
He shrugged, pulling his shirt over his chest. "You're just a fuck."
You said nothing. You just stared at him. He quickly gets dressed and finds your clothes around his floor, throwing them on the bed for you to take. With a huff, you pull yourself from the comforts and put them on.
"I'll call you." He said as you walked out of his bedroom, but you didn't answer him. All you did was flip him off and make your way out.
The next morning, you got in trouble with your parents regarding your absence. But, you said nothing, taking the lecture they gave you and headed to your room.
And you thought, if he sees me as a quick fuck, fine. I'll be just that.
The next Kook party, you were there. You always attended Kook parties, despite being a Pogue, simply because the alcohol is all free and it tasted better. No more cheap beer on The Boneyard, but you had to admit—the music was better.
Kooks can't play for shit.
This party happened to be on Tanneyhill, the mansion where Rafe lived. You haven't seen him since the last time you hooked up, and it's been the longest you've gone without seeing each other. Sure, he called you but you let it go to voicemails and all his texts were left on read. You know, without a doubt, Rafe would be looking for you and attempting to pull you to the nearest bathroom to fuck your brains out.
But you didn't care.
(Maybe just a little).
After dancing for a while, grinding against random strangers and making conversations with some friends of yours, you settled into a seat next to a Kook. He introduced himself as Ethan, and you chat with him as you drink from your cup, making small talk about what you're doing this summer.
He seemed interested enough. His eyes shamelessly glance down at your top, which practically shows off your tits, and floats back to your lips a couple of times. You knew if you wanted to, he would've follow you to a bedroom and fuck you.
But you didn't.
You laughed at his jokes. You told some of your own.
All while having an nagging feeling of a pair of eyes on the back of your head.
You didn't need to turn around to know who it was. You know exactly who.
And Rafe Cameron is fuming.
He noticed you when you first walked in, in a top that shows off too much and a skirt that covers practically nothing. You walked into Tanneyhill as if you owned the place, despite being a Pogue, and that's one of the things that irritates him about you.
But it also made him attracted to you.
Your confidence. Your demeanor. You never backed down when Rafe tries to put you in your place and you never let him gain control without a fight. He likes that you make him work for it; there's a thrill in the chase. Because he knows, at the end of the day, it's his bed that you ended up in. It's his cock that you're sucking.
But, at this moment, he isn't so sure. Instead of being in his arms, talking to him, you were talking to some random fucking guy who attended Kook Academy and is making you laugh.
You didn't even bother to tell him you were coming.
Rafe thought he could hold it in until he got you alone.
But that was before the guy put his hand on your upper thigh and you let him.
It takes mere seconds for Rafe to cross the yard, and when he comes behind you, it surprises you at how silent he was. "Get your hands off my fucking girl," he snapped at Ethan and before Ethan got the chance to back off, Rafe grabs your arm and pulls you off the chair, taking you inside of Tanneyhill.
You let him drag you for a few moments. The booze in your system is making your reaction sluggish, but when the realization dawns on you, you finally pull away when you reach in front of his bedroom, hidden in a dark hallway.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
He scoffs at your words. "What am I doing?" He repeats. You nod. He jabs an accusing finger in your direction. "What the fuck are you doing?"
You lift the cup to your lips. "I'm drinking."
His eyes are livid. "With that guy?" He gestures outside where Ethan is, jealousy pouring from his words and he sounds like he's using every inch of restraint he has to hold everything together. You shouldn't be enjoying it so much, but you are. When you don't answer him, feigning a bored expression, Rafe gets more frustrated. He doesn't like that you aren't reacting. He doesn't like it at all. "What's your fucking problem?"
You lift your shoulders in a casual shrug, pressing the red solo cup against your lips and says, "thought I was just another fuck."
He knows you were throwing his words back at him. He knows that this is some fucking test that you're doing to drive him bad. He also knows it's working, so much so that he knocks the cup out of your hands, causing the content to spill all over his marble floor. "Fuck you."
You scoff, unfazed by his aggression. "You already did." You say, and while Rafe is silently raging underneath, you decide to take it a step further. Closing in the distance until you're right in front of his face, you smirk, "and you fucking loved it."
Rafe is breathing hard, his blue eyes searching your face, his chest raising and falling in rapid beats as frustration rolls off of him, all while you tip your head to the side, raising your brow, challenging him to respond.
He does.
By slamming his lips against yours.
One of his hands catches the back of your neck as he presses a bruising and punishing kiss against your lips, eliciting a moan from the back of your throat. Instinctively, you throw your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer.
"You're mine." He breathes against your lips when you break apart, trailing kisses down the column of your neck as you tip your head back to give him more access, feeling his mouth working against your skin. "And no fucking asshole from the Academy is going to take you away from me."
Wanting to tease him further, you say. "What if I leave?"
He answers you by sucking on a sensitive spot on your neck, causing you to arch into him and let out an involuntary moan as his free hand descends down to your short skirt and roughly palms your ass. Rafe chuckles against your skin, satisfied by your body's reaction to him. "Then no one is going to make you feel like I do."
His hands move to pull down your top, causing your tits to spill out of the fabric. The cold air pricks at your exposed skin and Rafe takes a beat of a second to admire you before lifting his gaze to meet you in an easy, cocky grin.
"So ready for me," he teases, moving his hand up to play with your hardened nipples between his fingers. You let out a small sigh. "God, you're fucking gorgeous."
"Shut up," you say, not liking how his words are making your cheeks flush with heat and a flutter of butterflies to swarm your stomach. This is just a fuck, you remind yourself. He lifts his blue eyes to meet you for a brief second before descending his mouth down to cover one of your nipples.
You always like playing with yourself there. As his tongue swirls around the sensitive tip, his teeth lightly graze against the bud, causing your moan to echo across the hallway and his hand immediately slaps over your mouth, silencing them.
Rafe's eyes lock with yours. "You don't want anyone to hear what a needy girl you are, do you?"
You clench your jaw underneath his hand, at his dominance, but when you don't answer fast enough, he asks again. "Do you?"
You shake your head and he pulls himself off of you, the cold invades the absence of his heat. But, Rafe doesn't leave you for long. He grabs your hand and pulls you into his bedroom. The moment the door slams close, his lips return on yours and his hands explore over your exposed body.
Your core clenches as Rafe slams you against the back of the door, kissing you hungrily as he lowers his hand to the cutoff of your skirt and pushes the flimsy material up to your hips before cupping your pussy.
"God, you're dripping," he says with a small laugh, looking up to you. "Are you this wet for me, baby?"
You are. Rafe Cameron has a way to make your entire body responsive to him, his touch, his kisses, his everything. But, you don't want to let him know that. You don't know how much you want it, how much you need it.
Instead of answering him, you say with a roughness to your voice, "if you don't fuck me, Cameron, I'll find someone else who will."
Humor leaves his face and his expression hardens. He cups your cunt hard, causing you to involuntary jolt forward into his hand and a small whimper to escape you. "This is mine. No other fucking man is going to touch this but me."
"Big words for someone who hasn't made me come."
His eyes darken and, with your taunting and teasing getting to him, he finally pushes your panties to the side and inserts a rough finger inside of your pussy, causing you to wince at the abrupt motion. "Can you handle it?"
You nod with closed eyes, feeling as he adds a second finger, thrusting in a steady but rough pace, his other hand fondling with your tits.
You lean back against the door with heavy breaths, moaning and clenching as your orgasm builds from his rhythm. Rafe knows your body, he knows you're about to come, and as your moans get more erratic and you grind harder into his hand, he quickens his thrusts. Leaning into you, he says to your ear, "let it out, baby."
You do.
Your walls clench around his fingers tightly as you ride on your high, so much so that you hear his muttered fuck under his breath. When you're slowly coming down from your climax, Rafe removes his hand. The loss of his touch causes you to frown but before you get the chance to open your eyes and complain, he pushes the wet digits against the entrance of your lips. "Suck."
You want to argue back, about him telling you what to do, but you can't seem to help but listen. Your eyes open and find his face, watching you as you suck his fingers clean of your arousal. "Good girl."
When he withdraws his fingers, clarity dawns on you. He's wearing too much while you're practically exposed. You didn't like how uneven the playing field is, and with a gesture to his shirt and pants, you demand. "Take it off."
His smirk is smug. "Eager, aren't we?"
"If I have to be naked, so do you."
"You aren't naked." He gestures back to you and you look down at yourself. While your tits are showing and your panties are soak, he's right, you technically aren't naked. Not afraid of backing down from a challenge, you easily pull your tiny top over your shoulders and push your skirt and panties down to your ankles.
Stepping out of them, you look back to see Rafe admiring your naked body. You can see the outline of his erection straining against his pants, and for a moment, a self-consciousness creeps up on you and you blush. With a hard swallow, you point to him. "Your turn."
The corner of his lips quirks up at how demanding you are and he pulls his shirt over his body, revealing the defined and taunt muscles of his chest underneath. Your mouth waters. You watch as he goes for his belt—knowing you’re watching—that he teases it out slowly. He messes with the buckle, taking his sweet time, that you grow impatient. 
"Goddammit," you mutter under your breath, approaching him and pushing his hands out of the way, sinking to your knees as you unbuckle the belt with ease—practices from all the other times. When you pull it out of his pants, you stop, looking up to Rafe.
"Go on, princess." He gestures, a cocky grin at the sight of you on your knees for him. "Finish what you started."
You hate how much power he has over you this time, how he is telling you what to do, but because of how needy you are, how much you want him between your legs and his cock to be in you, you listen. You unzip and pull down his pants, revealing an impressed bulge underneath his briefs. With one easy tug, you freed his cock and it stood in front of you, hard and leaking with pre-cum.
On your knees, you look up to see Rafe watching you, waiting to see what you do. His eyes are hungry and his arousal is obvious. Tentatively, you wrap your hand around the thick cock, your fingers barely connecting together because of his girth.
And slowly, you rub up and down his shaft.
A hiss leaves the back of Rafe's throat and satisfaction pools in your core at the realization that you are making him feel this way, that you have this much control. "Faster." He commands, his voice thick with desire.
Instead of listening to his orders, you open your mouth and take his cock in your mouth, swallowing the salty taste as you swirl your tongue at his head. Added with the motion of your hand playing with his balls, and rubbing him up and down, Rafe can’t help but rock his hips against your face. 
“Fuck,” he swears, his hand finds your hair and pulls your closer to him, as your grip around him gets firmer and you hollow your cheeks, creating a stronger suction. Rafe groans under your touch, tugging the root of your strands, wanting you to do anything and everything to build him closer to his climax. “Fuck, baby, I’m close.” 
With that pride of information, you slow down, your fingers loosen their pace and you pop the cock out of your mouth. Rafe feels the instant loss of touch and he looks down at you, his expression hard and angry.
"What the fuck?"
"Say please."
He says your name in a command, but you don't budge.
Rafe's blue eyes are hard. He knows you do this. He knows you like to mess with him, take back control whenever you find yourself in a small position of power and remind him of his place. Irritation builds in his chest, this time worse than the others, but so does his delayed climax. He needs it more.
With a reluctant sigh, he says, "please."
You return your motion, moving in slow, torturous strokes as your hand moves up and down his slick length, creating enough pleasure for him to feel but not enough friction to ease into his climax. Your mouth has yet to return on his cock and without the added assistance, his jaw tense and his frustration and horniness builds. 
In a desperate plea, Rafe begs, "baby, please."
His voice didn't sound like his own and his words are so rough, so willing, that you can't help but alleviate him from his misery. You reconnect your lips on his tip and begin to rub his faster, firmer, sucking him harder. With the edge of delay, Rafe comes fast with a guttural groan, spilling in your mouth as you lap over the taste, swallowing all of it.
Rafe lowers himself and guides you back to your feet, pulling you towards the bed and pushing you flat against the mattress, laying on your back.
He lowers himself off the edge of the bed, sinking to his knees as he steps in front of your exposed pussy, and looks up to see the self-satisfied smirk on your face at the little stunt you pulled back there. In a low voice, he says, "you're going to regret that."
A finger drags up your slit, in a slow motion, gathering your wetness on the digit but producing enough pressure that it makes you whine. You try to grind yourself against his hand but he lays his palm on the flat of your stomach, holding you in place. 
When his eyes connect with your needy gaze, he says, “my turn.” 
Dipping his head between your legs, he kisses your inner thighs in slow, agonizing touches. It produces an aching feel to your core as he gives careful attention to both of your thighs, slowly creeping up to your throbbing cunt, but not quite giving you a release. 
Rafe lingers on a particular sensitive spot near your pussy, sucking and kissing the placement until you're writhing in pleasure and frustration, desperate to feel his tongue in you.
"Rafe," you say with a throaty beg and he grins against your skin.
"I said you're going to regret it."
"Yeah, and if you take any longer, I'm going to go downstairs to find Ethan."
Rafe hates it when you mention other men, or even think of other men, especially when he’s fucking you, but it does the trick as he moves between you and his fingers spread your folds. “You are this wet for me, baby, not Ethan,” he reminds you, before lowering himself to your pussy, flattening his tongue against your center before moving up and down in slow strokes. 
“Fuck,” you moan as he finds your sensitive clit and sucks on the nub, the sound of wetness fills the bedroom as the low volume of the music thumps from downstairs. He lets one finger enter your cunt, beginning at a slow pace. “Rafe, ohmygod.”
He moves faster, rougher, lapping out your taste as if he was dying of thirst. With his finger quickening and his tongue working a miracle on you, another orgasm builds. 
“I’m close,” you whisper and he nods. He moves with precision and god, Rafe Cameron is good at eating pussy. When his tongue enters into you and the pad of his thumb rubs circular motions around your clit, you can’t help but arch into his pleasure and come on his face. 
You fall against the mattress with a heavy breath, but Rafe doesn’t stop. He continues to suck and lap and rub, causing you to wrap your thighs tightly around his head. You’re already so exhausted, so sensitive, coming down from your high, but that does nothing to satiate the man between your legs—fingers and tongue buried inside of you, still hungry. 
Your thighs violently shake and your fingers rack through his hair, pulling, “ohmygod, ohmygod,” you moan as he works another orgasm from you, your stomach tightening and the pressure being so unbearable you feel as if you’re going to cave and explode. 
“Come for me, baby, I want another one.” He mumbles against your cunt, the low hum of his voice vibrates through your body in a pleasurable sensation. With a rougher pace and a harder suction around your clit, you come for a second time in a row. 
You’re an absolute wreck when he pulls away and, assessing the damage he caused, Rafe chuckles at the sight before him. You splay out on the mattress, breathing heavily with low lids and the prettiest pussy. He lowers himself, placing both hands on either side of your head to carry his weight, he plants a soft kiss on your lips. 
His eyes set on you, a gentle gaze, and whispers. “Can you take another, baby?” 
Though you are weak from all the orgasms you endured, you still nod, looping your arms around his neck as he descends closer to you, planting kisses against your lips, the corner of your mouth, to the edge of your jawline. You can feel his erection grazing at your entrance, waiting to enter, and the thought itself ignites another round of passion and need within you. 
Rafe pulls back just enough to line his cock against your wet folds. Before he enters, he looks up to you, waiting for a confirmation sign. When you nod, he slowly pushes the length into your aching core and you jerk forward. 
He goes in slow at first, allowing your walls to adjust to his size because, no matter how many times he’s been inside of you, it still takes a moment for your pussy to register that this is him. That this is his pussy. A hiss escapes the back of his throat. “Fuck, you’re so tight.” 
You, with what little strength you have left, push yourself up as he rocks against your hips, beginning his thrusts. You get closer to him, grabbing his shoulders, while he takes the opportunity to play with your tits. 
This new position allows him to enter deeper inside of you, hitting a new angle, causing you to let out a cry from the explosion of pleasure. In addition to the remnants of the orgasms you had a few moments prior, as Rafe pounds into your very sensitive core, you begin to feel as if you’re seeing stars. 
Rafe leans down, closer to your ear as he asks, "who's fucking you?"
You feel your stomach knot and tighten, knowing he’s getting you close. But, you also can feel his cock twitching inside your walls, alerting you that he’s also getting close. With this dynamic power, you turn your head to face Rafe, connecting your heavy-lid eyes with his. 
“Ethan.” 
Rafe stills. His eyes darken at your words, watching the way your lips curl with an innocent look and he decided he hates it. He hates this little power play you're doing to him, he hates how it's working. He knows that you two are nothing more than fuck buddies, but without the reassurance that you are his—fully, devotedly his—he doesn't know if you haven't fucked another guy before. If you haven't had Ethan's name on your lips.
His hand lowers between the two of you, lightly grazing against your sensitive clit. You jolt into his touch. "Did you fuck him?"
His voice is low, dangerously low, as you watch how serious he turned with the tease of another man's name. You tilt your head to the side, challenging him. "And if I did?"
He pinches your clit and your hips arch forward, but he uses his other hand to grab it still. Your core throbbing while he remains inside of you and does nothing. You realize, in this moment, that you might've gone too far. You feel full and have everything in your possession to make you reach your highest peak but you chose to delay it with a joke that wasn't even that funny.
Especially not now.
Rafe slowly rubs your clit with his fingers, painfully light, teasing and punishing you all in one. You gasp into his touch, but he doesn't let you move. His grip remains firm on your hips, holding you in place as you ache around his cock, as he can feel your walls clench around him, begging to be fucked.
But he needs to hear you say it.
"Rafe," you choke, and his eyes connect with yours. Your eyes are teary, your breathing is erratic, and you are trying desperately to produce some friction between your legs and give you some semblance of pleasure. "Rafe, move."
"No, princess," he says with a deadly calm, shaking his head. "You want to play mind games with me all night, fine. But tonight, I'm going to fucking hear you say my name." He repeats himself with aggression, his fingers skims across your sensitive nub. "Who. Is. Fucking. You?"
You grip his shoulders, your eyes meeting his, and your core aches painfully. You try to grind yourself against him, trying to produce some friction of your own, but he uses both hands to grab your hips, stilling you in place with a deadly grip you are sure is going to leave a mark.
He shakes his head, firm on getting the answer out of you.
With teary eyes, you beg. "Please, Rafe. Please."
He grins with that self-satisfying charm. He loves it when you finally break your dominance. He loves it more when he can break you.
His thrust begins at a slow rate, still on the edge of punishment, but at least you can feel some friction producing between your legs. You look down at his cock entering and leaving your cunt, the image gratifying, but Rafe roughly grabs your chin and forces you to look back up.
"Look at me." He commands, his voice shallow as the slow thrust is killing him, but he needed to teach you a lesson. "I want you to remember this when you're looking at anyone else. Talking to any other fucking guy. Remember how I make you feel."
You nod frantically. Desperate at this point to say anything to get Rafe to move faster, harder, providing you with your climax. He sees it in your eyes, how he finally got you, that it makes him smile. 
"God, look at you," he chuckles. "You want me to fuck you so bad."
"Yes," you beg, "yes, please. I'll do anything."
"Anything?" He asks again, the proposition is too nice to tease out.
You nod, blinking through the tears. "Anything."
He grins at this exchange of power, when he holds all of it, that he finally relents and quickens his pace. You grip harder on his shoulders as Rafe thrusts into you, rocking his hips against yours.
You claw and moan against his skin, using it as an anchor for all the pain and pleasure ripping through you, and he takes it as a mark of honor. When he lowers one hand between the two of you, using the pad of his thumb to rub small circles around your clit, you see stars float in your vision. 
"I'm coming," you pant against his skin. "God, please, I'm coming."
Rafe's hand finds the back of your neck, pulling you closer to him, and nods. "Come for me, baby."
When you feel your orgasm hit its all-time high, you slump in exhaustion against his shoulders, while he continues to move in and out of you. It takes a few seconds later before Rafe comes, feeling his hot cum leaking out of you.
He doesn’t remove his cock from your pussy and honestly, you don’t want him to. You want to stay like this for a moment, to catch your breath and come to the dawning realization that this is the best sex of your life. You didn’t want it to end. 
Rafe lays his chin on your small shoulder, pushing your wet hair to the side as he recovers. 
“Be my girl.” He whispers, so quiet, that you thought you imagined it. You weakly pull back, connecting your widened eyes with his. 
"What?"
"Be my girl," he repeats once more, his blue eyes vulnerable and tracing your features to see if there's any hint of rejection on the bay. "I can't fucking stand you with other guys. I don't even want you to say their names. I want you. All of you."
You hesitate. "Rafe..."
"You said you'll do anything." He reminds you.
"You said you don't want to be seen with a Pogue."
He growls. "Fuck what I said," he snaps with a shake of his head, raising his hand to wipe the leftover tears from your face. "I want you. I don’t care about anything else. Just say yes."
You look at him and soften your gaze. You have wanted this, you admit, you wanted him to confess to you that he wants you as much as you want him. But, for a moment, in this brief second, you’re afraid that if you agree you would submit to everything you’ve fought against. The control you tried so hard to retain. 
He sees it. He knows you’re having an internal battle. Using his hand, he cups the side of your face, the heat and comfort of his palm makes you instinctively lean into him. “Please.” He begs softly, giving you one last shred of power. 
With a small chuckle of your own, you finally nod. "Okay."
He grins, and without hesitation, presses another kiss against your lips. This time, it lacks the power and control you two have been fighting for all night but rather is sweet, sensitive and patient. He pushes you back against the mattress, using his arms to hold up his weight. 
When he pulls apart, both of you are out of breath and breathing heavily. He offers you a genuine smile, at how proud he is that you’re his, and uses the pad of his thumb to rub across your flushed cheeks. “God, you’re gorgeous.” 
You blush, waiting to pull away from his touch but Rafe knows you. He grabs a hold of your face, holding you in place so you can’t tear your gaze from him. “I’m serious. Since you’re my girlfriend now, you have to get used to that or else people are going to assume I don’t compliment you enough.” 
You scoff. “You don’t. The only times you say nice things to me is when you’re in me.” 
“Yeah?” He challenges, cocking one of his brows. You nod. “That’s going to change. Prepare for me to shower you with compliments every time I see you,” he says, as he lowers himself and plants a soft kiss on your shoulder blade. “Especially when I’m in you.” 
You roll your eyes, pushing him off as your eyes find the clock in the back of the wall. You didn’t realize how late it was. 
“Fuck,” you mutter under your breath. Rafe turns to you, his brows knit together in confusion. 
"What?"
"It's almost one am. I promised my parents I was going to go home at eleven."
He glances at the clock, before returning his gaze back to you. "Stay the night."
"What?"
"You said it would save you trouble, right?" You hesitantly nod. "Just stay the night."
You can’t believe what you’re hearing. You can’t believe how much he’s willing to give in now that you’re finally his. Maybe you should’ve made him jealous a long time ago. Your first instinct is to tease him about it, but you decide that you had enough power play. The both of you deserve some rest and plus, sleeping with Rafe would be a comforting feel after the sex you just had. 
When he comes to approach you, settling between your legs as he waits for an answer, you run your hands through his messy blond locks. “Okay.” 
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