#the way she holds onto him
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I'm talking about watching my lover die.
#bangel#bangeledit#buffy summers#angel btvs#btvsedit#btvs#dailybtvs#buffysource#filmtv#the way she holds onto him#how she's softly touching him and taking care of him#UGH
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i need someone to love me how sam loves josh omg
I got a new wallpaper 🥰
#the way she looks at him#the way she holds onto him#the way she hides behind him#the way she cares about him#the way she#i could go on#i love them#i love them so much#until dawn#sam giddings#josh washington#jossam#sam x josh#josh x sam
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Started a new book series, and has been a journey...an Odyssey, if you will.
#poorly drawn odyssey#the odyssey#Athena#telemachus#penelope#odysseus#calypso#I also drew Phemius the bard and Antinous the leader of the suitors but I'll hold onto those for a while longer.#The Odyssey has been on my reading list for ages and I finally decided to just dive into the Robert Fagles translation.#*nobody* ever talks about how damn funny the Odyssey is. Oh my god. I have been howling.#The poor bard doomed to keep playing for this unending feast. The most unwilling court jester.#Penelope being introduced by her crying about how much she 'hates this song'.#And Telemachus is the goodest lad. The OG protag to set about on his heroes journey.#He is kind! He is soft! He yearns for adventure and finding out the truth! He wants to get back at his bullies!#He even gets a companion named Mentor. THE original mentor! Who is *totally* not a god by the way. Just a guy.#Not to mention how much Odysseus gets hyped up only for his first appearance to be him sobbing non-stop.#Honestly I was mostly motivated by the need to do research for a personal project but I've been having the best time.#I sincerely doubt my current audience has any overlap with classic Greek literature but expect a few more PD-Odyssey posts.#(Yes - I am familiar with Epic the Musical; this is not fanart of that adaptation).
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They both needed that hug:(
#mine#avatar edits#avatar explore page#avatar for you#new avatar blog#avatar the way of water#avatar 2009#new avatar writer#new writer#my edits#Neytiri edits#Jake edits#jeytiri edits#jeytiri hugging#it’s the fact that hugging might not be this customary action in na’vi culture but Neytiri adopted so many mannerisms of jake#and to think that she was clinging onto him so afraid to lose someone else#both of them so desperate to just feel each other and holding extra tight#gonna go cry now#avatar fyp#avatar community#Neytiri atwow#Jake atwow#jeytiri
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SHEEN ROAD INCIDENT Lockwood and Co Appreciation Week 2024 - Day 2, Favourite Underrated Moment
#l&coaw2024#i could go on and on abt how amazing their whole pulling each other out of a burning house thing is#the way they hold onto each other???? im soft help#also the way lockwood practically catches lucy as she stumbles towards him and protectively shields her from the flames#me and WHO#anthony lockwood#lockwood and co#lockwood netflix#lockwood and co netflix#lockwood and lucy#save lockwood and co#lucy carlyle#locklyle#gifset#lockwood & co#also might upload another gifset a lil later cuz not the happiest w this one
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instead of nightmare approaching horror to recruit him for the gang i think it would be cooler if he talked to undyne about it. because she would not hesitate TWICE to ship horror off to fuck knows where in the multiverse
like booo booo boring horror would never cooperate and agree to join nightmare without him doing some extra work that he cant be bothered 2 do bc its doesn't benefit him enough 4 the effort put in. AND THAT METHOD DOESN'T EVEN GIVE HIM MORE NEGATIVITY!!!!! nonono the king deserves a show :3 so he goes to undyne who's the craziest of everyone in horrortale and yk yk does some stupid mind manipulation. maybe in exchange for horror he makes up some bullshit lie about how he could save alphys (is she even alive atp) or the rest of the underground and provide them food (like the same deal that nightmare WOULD offer horror) and undynes like 70x more fucked up than horror so of course she's accept in a heartbeat. shes the queen!!!! shes supposed to provide for her subjects (even tho shes kinda. erm. making them all suffer)!!!! and all it would take was a sacrifice of the guy she lowkey doesn't like??? undyne has more reason to accept a deal like that from nm than horror ever would. and it wouldnt be the first time she sacrificed horror anyways lol
idk she sends royal guards out to snatch up horror in the middle of the day (nightmare told her to make it dramatic and tense :3) (all of snowdin would probably follow in concern because OMG WHERE IS SANS GOING????) and then yeah. just like that horrors gone! nightmare probably didn't even give him a chance to say bye to paps. undyne never ends up getting the food nightmare promised because hes a bitchass like that (and papyrus probably ends up taking up the full leader role of food provider for snowdin (if undyne even lets snowdin stay out of her control) good luck for him!)
if horror had a nickel for everytime he got forced to be a sacrifice he'd have 2 nickels. which is actually 2 too much in his eye HES PISSED!!!!!! rightfully so become man ☹️ taken away from his world without even a choice or a reason (to his knowledge) or anything to benefit him??? and now hes STUCK in this disney movie castle with two freaks who look like him (what the FUCK) and then the most annoying THING he's ever had the misfortune of getting kidnapped by. he is in misery. it sucks. he IS infact bitter. if he ever came back to horrortale (which he literally would never get to without dying or losing his stolen eye) he would 500% commit anarchy and finally get rid of undynes annoying ass ‼️‼️
#horror gets to join killer in the forcefully kidnapped into the gang group#would horror lose hope of ever getting back to horrortale???? yeah probably :3#unlike dust he doesn't have dt so he would NAUGHT be that persistent#dust would die trying getting back to dusttale. horror would just want to die after not being able to get back#unlike dust (debatable) or killer (he's done all he can do to help his world and wants to move on) horror still has attatchments in his au#i KNOW the constant thought that snowdin is starving without him HAUNTS him like a plaugue#im like 80% sure horrortale would not survive without horror. it would implode without horror to keep undyne somewhat in check#NOOOO because like what if it was after Aliza manages to help all of horrortale???? like undyne#like she manages to get through the undyne somehow and everything seems to be going up slowly#horror FOR ONCE has hope for everyone again and then nightmare comes in and undoes ALLLL of aliza's progress!!!!!!#THE HOPE GETTING RIPPED AWAY FROM HORROR AFTER SEEING THINGS RECOVERING WOULD DESTROY HIM (maybe idk)#can just imagine killer having to be on suicide watch for horror bc nm can tell he's in a bad mood bc of that hope#killer doesnt have to be on suicide watch for dust bc he wont let himself die if his human still exists but horror?????#horror would not have the same will that dust and killer do. he tries to jump off buildings every mission#horror leaning off a ledge and killer's just holding onto his hood like man stop it this is wasteful and pointless#why does he keep trying to kill himself and have to make killer deal with this. cant horror just like get the fuck over it and do his job#anyways dust and horror exchanging stories about their aus and reminiscing about things before it all went bad#horror gets pissy anytime dust makes an offhand comment tying his story about the genos#dust completely ignores him when horror mentions something about the famine and how it fucked everything up#they rather just take this moment to pretend everything is alright in their memories#in that moment its almost like looking into a mirror. ok triglycercule getting a bit TOO poetic there#horrordust seeing sans in eachother only when they talk about their pasts and making it a way to deal with all thats changed#tricule hc#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#nightmare sans#murder time trio#bad sanses#nightmare's gang
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Ladynoir being cuties
#HER HOLDING HIM AND THEM PANICKING SO CUTE AJDNEJDNDJ#reminds me of when alya was showing her pics to mari in the movie and maris like he’s not her bf >:(#and there’s a bunch of pics of them clinging to each other stressed ANSJS#wall between us is so#THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HERRRRR#she’s kind of withdrawn but his hands are fully open#SNDISNIDJD#WHY WASNT THE SONG IN THE MOVIE SIXNDJJD#and everyone knows I love the weredad scene#hes so much taller but he’s clinging onto her so cute ajdnejdndj#ladynoir#miraculous#ladybug#chat noir#mlb#miraculous ladybug
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I can see Will keeping Hannibal’s calcified heart as a keepsake if he outlived him.
#this is brought to you by a Mary Shelley tidbit#she supposedly kept her husband's heart#but it likely wasn't#some even think it was his liver#either way Mary thought she had his heart and held onto it.#and Will has enough forensic knowledge I'm sure he could figure something out#yes if possible he would honor him as Hannibal would want#but Will is selfish and wants a piece of him to physically hold#maybe he would even talk to it#musings#headcanon#will graham#hannibal lecter#nbc hannibal#hannigram
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↠ Tim & Lucy scenes ↳ 5x10 - The List
#chenford#chenfordedit#the rookie#tim x lucy#tim and lucy#therookieedit#lucy x tim#jesuis assez edits: Chenford#jesuis assez edits: Chenford scenes#Tim was so nervous#When they reached their second date.. They were in their element. It was more them as opposed to the fancy setting.#He could breathe with ease. Just be there in the moment with her. They could just be them. Just Tim and Lucy.#He could melt into her the way he always does.#Whether that be in the form of a kiss / hug or a touch of any means.#or even gaze at her intently the way he did here in this scene [ok the whole episode. ] [ok just about every time he looks at her]#Even touching her with his fingertips brushing over her skin \ hearing her voice \ a single look that#communicates what words cannot say is enough to quieten the anxiety.#or the emotional storm raging within Tim. Even for a fleeting moment as they have done so before.#Tim has this way of giving Lucy his full and undivided attention. Listening to her attentively. He takes in every word she says to him#Hanging onto every word and holding a space for those words in the doorways of his mind. and allowing her influence to wash over him.#Because he values her opinion just as much as she values his. So when she expressed a [need] for him to reset his expectations#he switched on instantly to meet that need. He too wants for them to take their time and explore this slowly.#They're on mutual ground with this and maybe it's something Tim didn't realise he wanted until Lucy voiced it.#The way he begins to process what she is wanting from the relationship right now and needing from him#and how it sinks in that he wants that too#I think Tim could've been content to sit in silence with her all night despite the nerves bubbling up inside of him.#Just completely content with beaming at her all night. Content to admire her through tender eyes.
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one thing that stands out to me about the IVF arc is the way that, for as much as i make fun of her for asking her coworker if she can have his babies, scully asking mulder to be involved in the biggest process of her life (and the most important thing in the rest of her life) is such a healing and reverent experience. like he says “i’m absolutely flattered,” but it’s so much more than that. it’s like…spending your whole life feeling like you should’ve died at age twelve and then being told someone just wants more of you, more and more and more, in everything.
#it reminds me of 'sixth extinction' / 'amor fati'#when he quite literally was tied down and couldn't speak#and the way we hear him try to SCREAM when his mother just leaves him there#but his mind is Silent from the moment he hears scully in the hall begging to see him#and he couldn't crack a joke or run out the door#he literally just had to lie there and feel it#feel it on his Skin#her hand holding onto him#her tears falling onto his face#listening to the overwhelming depth of her fear that she is failing him and her devotion and her dedication to finding a way to help him#her Pleas for him to just 'hold on'#'i think that...if you know...if you could just find a way to hold on...i need you to hold on...please...'#everybody go listen to the civil wars' cover of 'talking in your sleep'#i don't think it can be overestimated how much of an impact that had on them and the lightness and healing in s7. that he Had to hear it#and then with the baby thing it's like...he CAN'T deny her that. he HAS to say 'yes'#there's no part of him that's capable of denying her something that she desires this badly. enough to ask for outright#and so he HAS to let himself be wanted and be invited into this unimaginably important and personal thing#let himself be a part of something bigger. be SEEN as someone who is valuable in a way that's bigger#and again he can't run from it and he can't deflect it and he can't hide from it. he has to just accept it#txf.txt#per manum
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fun question, fun answer, with a lot of neat points!
especially loved:
- the elaboration of its not that the personas we see are fake, or inauthentic, as much as it is that they are not an all encompassing or holistic representation of who they are as whole people
- Amanda apparently being equal parts "on" both on and off camera- cool :)
- Courtney highlighting that Arasha is really good at slipping into specific roles/personas depending on what the video needs
- Courtney + Amanda emphasizing how sweet Arasha is + how the video personas aren't fake but also don't showcase all of her as a peraon
- Explicit acknowledgement that there are definitely elements that are intentionally played into because they are on camera, especially little brain farts or dumb moments. Highlighting how those can become running jokes/a Big Thing but if it hadn't been a video it probably would have been glossed over.
- just the general discussion about how the personas/perceptions are intentional in a number of ways- they prep, drink energy drinks, choose to play into certain things for comedy. Not lies, but definitely not accidents.
- People being weird about Shayne/misconceptions due to perception of his video-persona.... :/
- Smosh Mouth helping break those perceptions/Shayne getting to be more himself on Smosh Mouth/it getting to reveal more of Shayne's depths and self. (as a smosh mouth lover i <3 this bit)
#smosh#amanda lehan canto#shayne topp#courtney miller#tommy bowe#gonna try not to write an essay on this but yeah i love the way this is discussed here and also . its all good info to keep in mind#i really think understanding/holding onto that element of 'its not a lie but its not a holistic view' is really important in not verging#into unhealthy parasocial thinking w/ online personas like this#and shayne talking about people being weird about him doing stuff + people thinking angela's goofs are Her As A Person is a really good#callout of like. the kinds of assumptions/thinking that are genuinely kind of. rude. if you indulge them along with bring inaccurate#anyway i also loved highlighting arasha here bc shes SO good at reading the room and playing a role accordingly and i think sometimes#i see comments like 'oh arasha didnt get the joke???' 'arasha didnt want to join in the fun' and im here like. NO SHES HEIGHTENING EXPERTLY#and i feel very vindicated by that discussion lol
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people are saying he « led her on » because he did. the fact that he kissed her in the first episode set the tone for the rest of the season and if you can’t perceive the flirting I’m sorry but how?? he didn’t make anything clear he sent the craziest mixed signals in the world. there’s nothing revolutionary about claiming that Martha was being pushy toward someone who was clearly not interested it’s 1) weird to claim in what it suggests about her 2) factually not true.
I wasn’t gonna respond to this at first because the top half of this ask is pretty much just individual interpretation and I don’t really care about it. Like, no, to me, the Doctor doesn’t seem especially flirty towards Martha. He’s just sort of Like That. That’s his damage, you know, Mr. I need to traumadump on anyone who tolerates being around me for more than five minutes. Mr. If I don’t develop an intensely codependent emotional bond with the companion I have currently I’ll die. It doesn’t read to me as him trying to lead her on because that bit’s honest, and he does it with damn near every companion he’s ever had.
And if nothing else, because we do see Ten when he tries to flirt intentionally and he’s a fuckin dork about it. Kind of guy who looked up romance in the dictionary and took notes. Kinda guy who draws diagrams to maximize kissing potential. It would have been obvious even to me (<- romance-blind as all fuck) if he was flirting with Martha on purpose because he’s not smooth at all; he flirts like he’s gotten lines in a play and he’s super excited to be the main star.
But anyway, as I was saying, that’s just how I see it. And if you see it different, no skin off my back, I just disagree.
But I take umbrage with you putting words in my mouth. I never said Martha was pushy towards him. Because yeah, she’s not. If I implied that she was, then it was a result of poor phrasing on my part. Martha’s not at fault for what she feels, for wanting there to come something of it. No more at fault than the Doctor is for not returning those feelings. It’s a bit weird that you’re assuming that I think one of them has to be the bad guy here when that was the opposite of what I was saying. My point was: When it comes to their romantic subtext of their relationship, it’s weird to pretend like either of them are to blame for them not being in a relationship at the end of s3, and even weirder to assert that as part of why Martha supposedly wouldn’t like the Doctor afterwards when they’re. friends. they continue to be friends into s4.
Martha’s not pushy. She has a crush on her friend. It happens. He doesn’t return it. This also happens. Both of these facts are pushed to the extreme because he’s a time-traveling alien with poor emotional skills and she’s put herself in the position of needing to help him from minute one of meeting each other. That’s why it’s fun to watch, because the Doctor is both so open and so unavailable in turns, because Martha’s feelings for him grow and change as she knows more about her Doctor until she decides to step back.
I don’t know, man. You seem to be coming at this as if one of them has to be The Problem™️. I don’t think either of them is, not so definitively. I think boiling their relationship down to that is reductive and an insult to the way they both grow over s3, to Martha’s choice to continue to be his friend while also establishing her own boundaries, to the fact that the Doctor is able to let her go without immediately trying to kill himself afterwards when she’s not there to catch him.
#the thing about the doctor is that if you want to tell me that he’s Extra Special Flirty With This Companion.#i dunno. feels like something that requires a lot of proof lmao. because the doctor is a freak who latches onto people like a barnacle and#gets way too invested way too quick and holds on like he’ll die if he even thinks of letting go. he’s just like that. he’s just like that.#he’s like that with rose he’s like that with martha he’s like that with donna amy clara bill!!!! these relationships are all different but#the common core is that the doctor is a freak! the doctor clings on too tight!!! the doctor will fuck you up he loves you so much!!!#idk! is it more leading on for the doctor to kiss martha to pull off a plan than it is for him to reshape amy’s life around him on accident#and then show up when she’s an adult to finally whisk her away. or to let clara do emotional infidelity with him for months while#insisting that he’s not her boyfriend. i don’t think ever he is. i think he’s just like gravity. mavity. you’re gonna orbit him because he’s#something cosmic and unknowable. and he’s also your best friend. he’s always too much and too tangible all at once.#am i making any sense here.#ask#martha jones#the doctor#tenth doctor#doctor who#idk man its like 7 in the morning where i am im not awake enough to talk martha/ten semantics. personally i think they should have made out#on screen even more without ever clarifying the nature of their relationship so that they had even weirder and more complicated feelings#about each other.
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Chu~🩵
They love each other (even if he gets on her nerves sometimes… only sometimes)
#ace attorney#phoenix wright#maya fey#narumayo#phoenixmaya#aa fanart#she’s wearing steel samurai merch while he’s wearing Trucy merch~#Maya’s clingy in the sense that she’s always holding onto him#Phoenix is clingy with kisses lmao#and cheek pokes/grabs/smooshes#it’s the way he shows affection~#attorney at art#sabrina draws things
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taissa is so so tragic in that she literally can’t trust herself to keep her loved ones safe even though she desperately wants to… like, whenever she realizes things she’s done while sleepwalking, all she wants to do is fix it or keep it from happening again (assuring steve she won’t hurt him like biscuit while knowing she can’t actually do anything about it)… and she tries to fight off the other part of herself to keep them safe but only ever manages to make things worse (simone ending up in the icu)…
#when people act like tai doesn’t care about anyone my eye starts twitching#she cares so so much!!#it’s part of why she tries so hard to hold onto control!!#she’s terrified of the version of herself that can and does hurt the people she loves!!#the scene w/steve and biscuits head is so fucking sad when you think about it#tai is so desperate to keep him safe but has no way to make sure he is…#she didn’t mean to hurt biscuit either#and the way her first thought when she realizes he’s missing isn’t that other tai hurt him#all she can consider is that she might have let him out while sleepwalking#which i think is one of those ‘does tai actually believe that or just want to’ moments#like her saying she didn’t mean to hurt allie#yellowjackets#taissa turner#character of all time
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The best thing about BSD Lucy Montgomery is that she is trying so hard to live her fairy tale dream, like asking Atsushi to save her from the Guild and all that nonsense.
Instead, she just gets beaten by him once when they're enemies, gets out of the Guild on her own, and has to save that sorry boy's life over and over again.
Like, sorry, Lucy girl...you're not the damsel in distress in this fairy tale. You're the prince charming who had a bit of a villain arc and now is doing good out of sheer spite and stubborness. Better luck next arc?
#like the more i think about it the more i think lucy is just trying so hard to live an idealistic story#but life is just so mean to her that her romanticist idealism has turned into her holding onto those ideals out of sheer spite#even though she more often than not acts the most sensible out of all the bsd characters#like the girl was like 'oh yeah actually joining a criminal organisation is a bad way to cope' after one (1 or 2) conversation with atsushi#and then she went and proceeded to get herself a job#and then she talked to fukuzawa and gave him pretty solid advice without stopping him#not to mention the minute things went topsy turvy during doa she actually manged to storm the government and demand reason#my girl is desperately trying to be part of this fantasy world but she's too worldwise to truly fall for it#maybe im just reading too much into it but still...its amazing#bsd#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bsd musings#humor#bsd lucy#character analysis#spitting nonsense
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what do you make of ozma’s motivations given that he initially rejects the god of light’s offer and only takes it once he knows it’s the only way he can see salem again, but then once they’re actually reunited he places the mission from the god of light above being with her? did he aways have that much faith? is it just that salem’s faith was broken so completely that she’s the only one who can see the gods clearly?
ozma's like. fundamental dilemma in TLF is whether or not to trust salem. as much as he dearly wants to be with her… "salem lives, but the woman you hold dear in your memories is gone. heed this warning: where you seek comfort, you will only find pain."
think about what must have run through his mind when he heard the god of light say that to him. he's just learnt that the god of darkness did something so bad that all of humankind was wiped out, and that the brothers have chosen to depart. but light also tells him that humanity will return, diminished, and that he wants to send ozma back into the world to prepare for a day of judgment. "if your kind is unchanged, if you demand our blessings while still fighting among yourselves, then man will be found irredeemable and your world will be wiped from existence."
light doesn't say it in so many words, but the implication that Humans Fucked Up is crystal clear. if your kind is unchanged, you will be found irredeemable and destroyed.
then he tells ozma that salem is still alive, but unrecognizable as the woman he once loved, and that she will hurt him if he seeks her out.
what light's implying here in essence is that salem provoked the god of darkness, causing the "tragedy" that led to the brothers' departure. (and that is what happened, as far as he's concerned.) ozma picks up on that implication, but what he hears is "the woman you love is damned, but there is still a chance for redemption."
after all, why else would the god of light ask him to do this? at this point ozma has no reason to doubt what light tells him, and light presents himself as a benevolent authority hopeful that humanity can redeem itself.
"i'll do it!"—he wants to save her.
notably, ozma does in fact heed the warning for quite some time; he travels for years, hearing whispers of a dangerous witch wherever he goes, before deciding he "need[s] to see what she had become."
but then he sees her again, and… she's herself. physically she has changed, sure, but he recognizes her; she recognizes him. she still loves him. she's overjoyed to see him again—she even still remembers what he said to her on the day they met, and echoes it back to him with tears in her eyes.
so like ???
is it over? has whatever curse or madness befell her broken now they’re together again? or… was the god of light wrong…?
she tells him her story, but there are pieces missing. the gods are to blame for ending the world, she says. it is impossible to miss how much she hates the brothers.
what did she do?
"though time passed and all seemed well, ozma's conversation with the god of light still lingered in his mind. he had found happiness, but humanity seemed more divided than ever before." <- he begins to worry that maybe it's not that salem will hurt him; maybe by choosing to stay with her now, he's jeopardizing the chance for redemption.
but he isn't willing to leave her because, of course, he wants to save her. so he cautiously tests the waters by commenting on how divided humanity is.
and her answer seems really promising! "are you surprised? this world is quite literally godless. these humans have no one to guide them. perhaps that's all they need."
that… actually sounds very much like she thinks the brothers' absence is the source of the strife and suffering, just as the god of light told him it would be. and it catches ozma off guard, because he didn't expect that from her. so he asks what she means.
"we could become the gods of this world; our powers surpass all others. our souls transcend death. we could mold these lands into whatever we want…" <- okay, that's more in line with what he might have expected based on her opinion of the brothers, and it's not great. but then she warms to the idea:
"what you want! create the paradise—" watch how ozma's face changes as she says this. his expression softens. he smiles. he's hearing that—blasphemy notwithstanding—salem really wants to support him in this. that's the part she's enthused about. what you want.
and then she finishes the thought: "–the old gods could not."
it isn't just that she hates the brothers; salem envisions a paradise without them. she doesn’t think this world is damned at all; as far as she's concerned, the brothers' absence is a cause for hope.
(and what does that mean for her?)
this:
is not a "you convinced me" face. this is an "i can fix her" face.
the problem of course is that he can't. salem hates the brothers because when she prayed to them they forced her to watch her lover burn to death in her arms twice over and then sentenced her to eternal suffering to punish her for lashing out. she hates them because she is the sole survivor of their genocide. no matter how long ozma goes along with her, no matter how long he lets her believe that this is what he wants, he's never going to be able to coax her out of that hatred.
which doesn't stop him from trying.
he's able to keep the deception going as long as they're building a following, and establishing a prosperous new kingdom, and having children together. but he told her he wanted to unite the world—end all division and bring everyone together under one creed. salem is, er, right to point out that the only way to do that is by conquest.
and that's the point where ozma has to admit to his ulterior motives, because salem was not kidding when she said she would do this for him. so he pumps the brakes and tells her everything, still hoping to somehow do the impossible and save her.
"don't you see? none of that matters anymore! why spend our lives trying to redeem these humans when we could replace them with what they could never be?"
[obligatory note: i think she means "replace the gods" here, as a reiteration of her extremely longstanding ambition of doing exactly that; the goal of her rebellion was for humans to "destroy their old masters" and "claim the powers of their creators for themselves," she tells ozma "we could be the gods of this world" and that they can "create the paradise the old gods could not" like this has always been what she's about.]
cue ozma:
he really does think about it.
i think this is the point where he faced the reality that he had to choose between joining salem in rebellion or sacrificing her for the world's sake. and… he wants to take her hand, he wants to stay with her, but the consequence of hiding this from her for so long is he's never actually thought about her utter rejection of the gods in a substantive way; he's warped their whole relationship through the lens of that hatred being a problem he needs to solve. it's not that he had faith in the god of light so much as it is he never had faith in her.
if it were ten or fifteen years ago and she was asking him to forget the mandate and stay with her in their cottage, it would still be frightening to take the hand she offered him, to trust that she is right to blame the gods and say these humans do not need redemption.
but now? when he's sunk so much time inching down the road to war in the name of saving her from those ideas, and he has to not only trust that she's right about the brothers but also that she'll be willing to turn away from the tyrannical path they've walked down together? he's done nothing but play along all these years in the ever-fainter hope that one day she'll be more amenable to the mandate; he has no idea how she'll react if he pushes back, and he thinks of her as damned.
so… he can't, in the end. when she confronts him with the choice he falls down the path of least resistance to conclude that he can't save her and that he'll bring the world to ruin if he keeps trying. so he leaves.
and then he's locked into that choice because they murdered each other and killed their kids and destroyed their kingdom about it and even if he could admit the desire to himself how can he possibly make amends for doing that to her? any apology or gesture of reconciliation he made, she has no reason to trust and every reason to see another attempt to deceive her again. the mandate is really all he has left, so he clings to it even as he gradually distorts it more and more into this existential struggle between himself and her.
#and then salem's desperately trying to make him STOP.#look how you've diminished. how you've lessened yourself. and for what? these children? this ruined world? why do you keep coming back!?#it's for her. still.#holding onto her the only way he can think of#but salem doesn't believe that he ever loved her at all—i think that is pretty evident from how she acts around him now—so she's at a loss#anyway im sad.
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