#the way i cant look at it for too long cuz i start giggling lmao | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

muwur · 4 years ago

Note

Hiii and welcome!! May I please request for the lovable annoying baby Hinata who has a HUGE crush on this popular girl in his class and one day she sees him at the mall or something and rushes to him begging him to pretend to be her boyfriend because there’s a group of guys that won’t leave her alone and that’s when she finally realizes that this gorgeous sweetheart exists and Hinata is just on cloud 9 the entire time but then he remembers it’s all fake :((((( teeeee

✿ pretend boyfriend pt. 1

♡ scenario ♡ for hinata

❧ fem reader

✎ 3.2k words

a/n: aw hello ty for the welcome <3 also this request made me cackle AAHAHAHAHA. also this format is interesting lolol, im so indecisive about how i want it

anyways, hope u enjoy hehe >.> this came out a lot longer than i had originally planned but did i even have a plan in the first place buut i aint complaining LOL

also yes theres going to be a pt 2 firhfnxfwifj hehe

requests: open! pls bbys dun b shy i have summer skool soon fml i need this to make me procrastinate on work LMAO

-having been preoccupied with volleyball, crushes never crossed Hinata’s mind

-however, he was about to find out that he was quite clueless when it came to love

-he found himself speeding to school on his bike one morning, riding at breakneck speed to try to make it on time

-ahhhh, i was so excited about the first day of going to karasuno and seeing their volleyball team that i couldnt sleep until 4 am...!

-that explains why he overslept

-lost in his thoughts, he nearly failed to notice the girl who was walking in front of him

-and so, at the very last minute, he swerved. i nto a tree.

- “oh my gosh! are you okay??”

-if he wasn’t okay before, now he’s cURED because the most beautiful girl was looking down at him with an outstretched hand, concern in her eyes

-he jumped up instead and waved his arms in front of himself, blushing and nodding, “y-yeah, I’m fine! don’t worry about me, a-are you okay??”

- “you’re the one who crashed into the tree!” you responded with shock as you moved to pick up his bike off the ground (luckily, it was undamaged)

-he took the handlebars after you offered them to him

-you frowned slightly. “i’m sorry, i should’ve watched where i was going. are you hurt?”

-he was too busy gawking at you to realize his head started bleeding

-cue you yelling frantically “y-your head! it’s bleeding!” and rushing him to the nurse’s office

-in his head: ‘i-im holding her hand’

-nearly combusted on spot

-and that was how he met you

-later he found out he actually shared the same class with you!

-though you never seemed to notice LOL

-you sat on the opposite side of the room, closer to the front of the class

-he sat all the way in the back, so it’s not like you would’ve really seen him but it was the perfect spot for hinata to stare at you and not pay attention to class

-and during breaks or when the teacher left the room for a few minutes, everyone around you would try to spark up a conversation with you

-oh how he wished he could make you smile and laugh like that too

-and whenever he saw you outside of class, he hid immediately (behind walls, doors, lockers, people *coughkageyamacough* “hinata boke!”, etc) and admired you from afar, way too nervous to approach you after your first encounter several weeks ago

-he just kNOWS he’ll do something stupid and end up a stuttering, blushing mess

-besides, you probably forgot who he was ;((

-one day at lunch, he hid behind yamaguchi, who was confused until he followed hinata’s intent gaze to your form, which was walking by in front of the pair

-kageyama, who also took notice, smiled devilishly

- “pfffft, she’d never glance your way”

- tsukki deadpanned, “you don’t stand a chance. she’s way too pretty for you and people are lining up just to talk to her”

-cue hinata fighting kags n tsukki, blushing and with tears pricking at his eyes

- “aw, guys, don’t be so mean, I think he just has a crush!” yams snickered what an angel (no i am not in love w this man)

-one weekend, hinata was out in a nearby shopping area to get some snacks for natsu cuz she wouldn’t stop bugging him about it (“you ate the rest of my candy, so you have to go get me some more!”)

-as he was leaving the store, hand in his bag, he felt a tug on his sleeve and heard a “psst”

-some higher being must’ve blessed him that day because here he was, face to face with the girl who’s been on his mind everyday for several weeks

-sdgfhjkljihyuitufjhk

-error.exe

-he opened his mouth to say something, maybe like a:

-“h-hey! you look familiar, I totally don’t know your name or think about you before i sleep at night, s-so hOWS the weather???”

-but before he could humiliate himself speak, you gave him a small smile and asked, “aren’t you the guy i took to the nurse after you crashed into that tree?”

- “y-yeah, that was me!” he stuttered out

-he was trying so hard to keep his cool, but he could feel his palms get sweaty and his body quiver with pANIC

-you stifled a giggle with your hand (hinata: so cute dfghjfgljkl) "im glad to see you’re doing well. sorry, i never introduced myself. my name’s y/n, what’s yours?”

-you extended your hand as a greeting

-yet all he could do was stare at it, dumbfounded

-the two brain cells he owned said we ouTTIE

- “my name’s hinata!” he yelled dramatically for no reason. “sorry, my hand’s a bit sweaty, otherwise i would shake yours!” so instead, he bent forward in a bow

-eyes wide at his sudden outburst and gesture, you laughed in response and waved a hand, “it’s okay, really! nice to meet you again, hinata”

-a few moments of silence passed by, he was still bending over, and you were looking at your surroundings awkwardly

-risking a glance up, he caught a nervous expression on your face, and it made his eyebrows furrow in concern

- “hey, are you okay?” he asked as he straightened his body

-nice. smooth and direct.

-you sheepishly looked at the ground and absentmindedly itched the side of your head, twirling a strand of hair with your finger

- “this is kinda embarrassing, but um... could you do me a favor? i promise it’s nothing too bad!”

-little do you know he would literally do aNYthing for you right now

- “of course!” he replied a little too quickly. “w-what is it?”

- “soooo, i ran into these guys from school earlier, and they won’t stop bothering me, especially this one guy. a lot of girls like him and think he’s cool, but he’s such a jerk! i honestly don’t know what they see in him. he’s been so insistent on dating me the past few weeks that i try to avoid him as much as possible...”

-you shyly looked up at him and he had to refrain from exploding

- “could you please, uh, pretend to be my boyfriend?”

-b-b-b-boYFrIeNd??

- “y-y-y-your b-b-b-boyf-f-friend?” he managed to sputter

-you clasped your two palms together in front of your face like a prayer and leaned forward slightly, closing your eyes. “just for today, i promise! i remember you were really sweet when i first met you, so i thought i could ask you! i need to get a few things and i know he’s still around here, so i might run into him and his friends again. also, earlier, i uh... kinda told him i had a boyfriend to see if he would back off, but i think it just made him angrier...”

-you were talking a bit too fast for hinata’s nonexistent brain to process, but he got the gist

-basically, he needed to pretend to be your boyfriend in front of some guy that wouldn’t leave you alone

-it almost sounded like a dream come true

-except for the fact this was all fake and he wasn’t actually your boyfriend

-BUT HE GOT TO TALK TO YOU AND PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING HE WANTED TO BE

-AND PROTECT YOU

-AND HE GOT TO TALK TO YOU

-but...

- “err, how do i do that?”

-you looked back up at him questioningly. “do what?”

-he looked off to the side in embarrassment. “w-well, i’ve never really dated anyone, so i’m not sure how to act and make it believable...”

-you clasped his hands making him even more flustered and jumped up in excitement

- “so you’ll do it??”

-he could only manage to nod in response

- “great! ahhhh, thank you so much! you don’t know how much i appreciate this! as for the acting... well, we just have to do couple-y things. y’know, hold hands, stand close to one another, feed each other, take pictures together, kiss, all that stuff. just follow my lead!”

-did his ears deceive him?

-did you just say

-kISS??

-he?? was going to get?? to?/ kisS yOu?//dfokgjif

-he definitely looked like an idiot right now

-wide eyes glazed over, mouth opened slightly for the soul leaving his body, a grey and sickly pale complexion, stomach twisting from nerves and butterflies

-noya and tanaka would be so jealous

-and possibly kill him so they could replace him as your pseudo boyfriend

- “hinata? what’s wrong, d-did i say something?”

-your concerned voice brought him back to earth

-gazing into your cute, confused eyes, he took a deep breath and exhaled

- ‘im acting so uncool right now! y/n needs my help!’

-he mustered up the courage to flash you a determined smile and a thumbs up. “i’ll be the best fake boyfriend you could ever ask for!”

-you could’ve sworn you felt your heart skip a beat

-you chuckled at his genuine display and smiled back. “then in that case, would you mind tagging along as i pick up a few things?”

-he could barely hold himself together when you clasped his hand and scooted close to him

-so close he could smell a pleasant scent wafting from you

- ‘i cant believe this is happening im holding her hand agAIN was this meant to be—‘

-and then his mind went blank for like the hundredth time in the last several minutes

-he followed you around, trying to steady his rapidly beating heart and ignore the warmth that remained on his cheeks

-how could you be so calm when you two were holding hands for so long?? (kags: it means she doesnt like u)

-he was both elated and terrified at the same time

-hinata couldn’t help but relish the way your fingers felt interlocked with your own

-how you slightly swung your arms together as you walked

-the way your eyes shone as you talked so casually with him

-the crinkle of your eyes and the sweet sound of your laugh when he said something that was apparently funny

- ‘fjjkdjnf i made her laugh‘

-he couldn’t help but notice the way your hair brushed your face when you leaned forward to inspect an item on a shelf

- “this is kinda cute, don’t you think?” you held up a small plush of a hedgehog

- “y-yeah, adorable!” but i’m not talking about the hedgehog

-it was no surprise to him, really, to see why you were so popular with everyone

-what’s not there to like? aside from your stunning beauty and intelligence, you were naturally charming and radiated an aura that just drew others in

-two hours passed and you both ended up sitting at a table, hands linked together across the table’s surface

- “ah, i need to answer this,” you breathed out, letting go of his hand to rummage your bag and answer your ringing phone

-ngl his hand was already getting cold and he missed your touch

-after a few nods and short replies, you ended the call and stood up

- “well, now that i’ve gotten everything, i have to head home now. ..”

- “oh... i-i mean, oh, alright! uhh, it was nice um, shopping with you!”

-his heart sank a bit now that this blissful time had come to an end

-disappointment seeped in hello darkness my old friend

-you, too, were a bit dismayed. you never expected to have enjoyed your time with him that much

-how come you never saw him at school? you definitely would’ve loved to get to know him more...

- “y-yeah, i had a good time, too! er, shopping, i mean! thanks again for following me around, though. you’re really sweet, hinata. i don’t know what i would’ve done without your help...”

- ‘come on, this is your chance!’

-boyo took another deep breath and opened his mouth to say, “y/n, could we do this again som--”

- “y/n! heyyy, i’ve been looking for you, sweet cheeks!”

-you both whipped around to see a group of guys approaching your table

-quickly, you pulled hinata close to you and whispered in his ear, “act natural.”

-nAtUral?????

-nodding, he stood up straighter and hesitantly snaked an arm around your waist

-then stiffened in fear when you were both surrounded by a group of guys who were all way taller than him

-you gave the boys a suspicious eye and scooted closer into hinata’s touch

-“what do you want? for the last time, i am not going out with you. don’t you know anything about respecting other people? besides, i’m already with someone,” you huffed

-the one in the front cocked an eyebrow at the sight of you two

-he had silky dark hair, smooth skin, a captivating gaze, and a smirk that could creep right under your skin

-“you expect me to believe small fry’s your boyfriend? him? with YOU? you could do so much better, buttercup. I could make you feel so good.”

-hinata could tell this guy was bad news. really bad news. he was the type who wouldn’t take no for an answer

- ‘ahhh, what do i do?? if i just stand here, he’s gonna keep harassing her! and possibly even hurt her...’

-the guy inched closer to you, much to your obvious discomfort as you stepped back, and he reached out to touch your cheek

-but hinata was quicker, and he slid in front of you before the guy could lay a finger on you

- “leave her alone! she obviously wants nothing to do with you.”

-the fiery glint in his eye was almost enough to make the other guy back off, but his pride wouldn’t let him

-angry, he instead grabbed fistfuls of hinata’s collar and spat in his face, “say that again, shorty.”

-hinata continued to stare into the other guy’s eyes daringly and grabbed a hold of his wrist in response

- “she said no. quit harassing a girl who’s made it clear she’s not interested, or else.”

- “or else what.”

-his grip on the guy’s wrist tightened and his eyes sharpened. “you’ll have to get through me, first.”

- “tch,” the taller male scoffed. he let go of hinata, pushing him back and glaring as he did so. then he glanced over at you still standing behind the orange-haired boy

- “bet you’ll get bored of shortstack over here soon enough. i’ll be waiting,” he remarked with a wink

-then he and his friends turned and walked away, disappearing from view

-hinata, who’s been running on pure adrenaline during this whole encounter, then collapsed on the floor from all the excitement and terror he tried to contain

- “h-hinata?!” you gasped, using your arms to support his sluggish body

- “ahhh... i thought he’d at least swing at me, but i got lucky...”

-he sounded breathless

-however, the last thing he expected was the soft press of your lips on his cheek

- “thank you, hinata. i really appreciate the way you stood up for me back there. no one’s ever really done that for me.”

-how many times can you die and come back to life in the same day?? p sure hinata’s broken the record for that by now

- “o-o-o-of course! i couldn’t just let him keep thinking that going after you like this is o-okay! i-i didn’t even do much, i-i mean you’ve been standing up to this guy for weeks, this was the least i could do to help--”

-and you were huGGING HIM

-he awkwardly returned the gesture, eyes wide with shock as he patted your back

- “i mean it. thank you. i hope he backs off, but...” you bit your lip and pulled away

- “w-what’s wrong...?”

-you sighed. “i have a feeling he’s still going to be bothering me for a while. i hate to ask this of you, but...”

- “could you pretend to be my boyfriend for a bit longer? at least until he gets the hint and stops...?”

-did this mean...

- ‘dating’ you at scHOOL???

-kageyama and tsukki will never let him live it down, he could already imagine their comments

- “why’d she pick you of all people for this job?? you’re so?? you???”

- “couldn’t she have chosen to be with someone more believable??”

-he shook his head from his thoughts

- “i-is that a no?” you asked worriedly

- “n-no! i mean, yes! i mean, ignore that! i can pretend for as long as you need, y/n.”

- “ahhh, thank you so much, hinata! i promise i’ll treat you to something in return!” you brought him back in a hug, swaying side to side in glee

-you both stood up after you let go. “we should exchange numbers!” you suggested

- ‘oh my gawd, im getting her number rdftegiuofref’

-tanaka and noya would be so proud tho

-you quickly typed down your contact information on his phone before handing it back to him. “alright, here you go, just give me a text! i have to go now.”

-you picked up your bags and gave him a parting smile. “i’ll see you at school! get home safe!”

-and with that, you were on your way

-he stood there and watched as you left, holding onto the cheek you had kissed earlier

-he couldn’t believe it

extra:

-he had texted you after he got home, giggling like a lovesick preteen (was he not thooo LOL) as he was reading your messages and sharing memes with you

y/n 乁( ⏒ ͜ʖ ⏒ )ㄏ : oh ye btw, who’s your teacher? also, where do you usually hang out? just so i know where to find you. i never c u around school for som reason

me: oh rlly? thats strange... (pretending like he doesnt hide from you lol) im usually in the courtyard during lunch or in the gym for volleyball practice, and i have class with ms. akio

y/n 乁( ⏒ ͜ʖ ⏒ )ㄏ : WE’RE IN THE SAME CLASS??? omg im so sorry, i never noticed :((

me: oh no its okay! i sit all the way in the back, so

y/n 乁( ⏒ ͜ʖ ⏒ )ㄏ : well, i’ll make sure to greet you next time :) ! we’ll be seeing each other a whole lot more now, so

-he was still smiling like an idiot when natsu burst open his bedroom door

- “where’s my candy?!”

-shit, you probably took it with all your other bags by accident

- “uhhh....”

- “shoyooooo! you owe me, big time!”

-he rolled his eyes. “yeah, yeah, i know, i’m sorry, i’ll buy you twice as much tomorrow.”

-he went back to typing away at his phone

-natsu raised her eyebrows in curiosity. “whatcha doinnn?”

- “nothing, go away.”

- “you’ve been on your phone all day!”

- “and?”

- “are you talking to a giiirrrlllll?”

- “n-no!”

- “then why are you blushinggg?? moommm! shoyo has a girlfriend!” then she added to her brother, “can i see her?? is she pretty??”

-he just groaned, putting a hand up to his face to cover his blush, and nodded

a/n: OKAY this def took me longer than i thot AAHAHA but no ragrets. ty for your request, anon, i rlly enjoyed writing this and i hope you liked it! there will be a part 2, ill try to get that done soon >.> stay tuned hehe. msg me or send me an ask if you wanna be in the taglist cx <3 have a great day or night, lovelies, wherever you are

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu reader insert #hinata x reader #hinata shoyo x reader #hinata shoyo imagine #hinata shoyo #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu scenarios #hq x reader #requests

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matronaa · 6 years ago

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Jungkook “fuckboy?” drabble

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 1,637

Genre: Fluff/mentions of smut?

Okay look its about 1 in the morning while im writing this and i just got done literally scrolling thru @jungshookz e n t i r e page and honestly ive been delusionally laughing over her stories for like an hour and a half like the tattooartist!jungkook fic legit killed me i love it and i’m probably going to force my friend to check her out because legit i love it so much and she seems like such a funny person and if she sees this 1) ily and ur writing and i wanna be friends but idk how to start a conversation because im a awKwARd bEan and 2) im sorry for probably spamming ur notifications with likes okay i couldnt help it so now im inspired for the first time in a while to write but im way to loopy to put together an actual fic so enjoy this ig

Okay i should stop rambling (okay just note that im so sleep deprived that i had to google ‘words for excessive talking’ to remember the word rambling because im an idiot and i cant think and ooo its 1:11 am rn make a wish b*tches)

Okay im sorry ill begin~

A/n all of this is completely unedited and if bad grammar annoys you srry not srry

Lets talk about what fuckboy!jungkook is oki

I feel like in reality there are just a bunch of rumors about him but hes so smol and hes the quiet type so he doesnt have the energy to dismiss them

Like im sorry soft jungkook is way to good in my mind rn okay #cuddles4days im not in the mood for him to strangle me with his amazing biceps

Anyway

you never rlly met him in the 4 years of going to the same highschool as him (since you’re in those smart people classes like humanities) until senior year

You and him had the same AP Lit. class lmao english class is l i t

Which surprised you bc of the rumors like i thought he was a badboy ?? arent those normally idiots ??

Nah my bby is a smart nugget, he just likes to look hella bf 25/8

First day of school cliche where you show up late to class and have to sit next to him because i d i e for those plots okay

But you dont know thats him because you’ve never seen him, so you’re confused on why most of the girls keep glaring at you

But soon enough you catch on and you’re like fml

And then the professor is like “where you are sitting is your assigned seating for the rest of the year” and you’re like f m L

He ends up introducing himself to you because i mean like table buddies

But hes really nervous because hes a cute little bean and you’re hella cute cuz lets be honest ur probably wearing like basic black leggings and a hoodie with your hood over your head to hide the bed hair you didnt feel like brushing that morning

Oh, just me? Okay…

He likes ur name because it rolls off the tongue and he thinks it suits you even tho he doesnt know you

Yet ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You dont really think hes a fuckboy because he seems so nice and he has the cutest lil bunny smile sEE

That is until after school u end up getting to ur locker late because u left something in one of your classes

And u see him pinning a girl against the lockers down the hall

And ur like well shit nvm

And u quickly get ur shit and go because das a w k w a r d

But then he sees u run off and hes like awh crap i dun fucked up

A few weeks go by and u notice he barely really comes to class so u usually sit alone

On days he does come his chair seems extra close to yours and he’s basically smothering you

But u dont mind because he smells nice

And on the days he does come you get kinda excited because

1) you get a partner who doesnt expect you to do all of the work

2) this boy cute when he gets all intelligent

Ur like “yes pls continue speaking about the essay we are writing that i have no idea is on because i kept getting lost in the sound of ur voice”

He notices when u zone out because you start staring at his lips when hes talking and he thinks its the cutest thing

One day u get assigned a week long project and ur close enough friends with jungkook to basically scold and force him to come to class all week

But only if he can force u to come to his house to work on it after school

Which you’re low key nervous of because ur going to a ‘fuckboy’s house’ by yourself

And u dont wanna do the dirty because ur a pure child haha not for long

But you agree anyway

And honestly even after the project is done (which you got an A on) you continue going over to his house because his bed is comfortable and he always has snacks

And his mom loves you

Like legit on days you dont go the next day you do she’s like “wheRE WERE YOU”

When the semester is over the professor lets you pick seats but you both enjoy each other’s company so you stay seated together.

finally ur at his house one day and ur just laying on his bed scrolling thru insta and he’s sitting on his bean bag in the corner on his phone and u look up at him and realise

Shit

You like him

Like a lot

And u mentally face palm because this was not supposed to happen

But it happened and you’re too far down the hole to climb out

Sometimes u end up napping at his house after school because his bed is more comfortable than yours and one friday night u wake up in his arms

And its like the best feeling ever

Its so warm and hes so cuddly hes like latched onto you

You stay under the warm blankets before you question when he even got in bed since he was playing video games before you fell asleep

And then his phone lights up and ofc you check it for him bc ur a nosey bitch

But not before you observed how adorable he was while he was sleeping

Nope not creepy at all

its his friend tae texting him (you didn’t really know his friends since you had different friend groups)

You check it and its smth like “stop staring at y/n while shes sleeping and reply u creep”

And you’re like w a t

So you scroll up and see that while u were sleeping jungkook went on a full rant on how cute u are and how whipped he is

And ur like holy fadoodles dis boy likes me

And so u decided to text tae like “this is y/n, does he actually like me”

Which turns into you both having a convo on how thirsty jungkook is until he wakes up

Hes like wtf r u doing and he snatches the phone and reads through your messages with tae while u like sit up to stare at him

And he’s still half asleep so it takes him to realise whats going on

“Omfg y/n i can explain-”

He starts rambling about how long he had been crushing on u and that he didn’t want to tell you because you seemed uninterested so he kept it a secret and never told anyone

And honestly he was freaking out because the onE tiMe he tells anyone that he likes you, you find out

But while he’s rambling you’re coming up with an excuse to text your mom that you’re spending the night at his house, so you just say he’s not feeling well and his parents are gone for the weekend.

Lmao she doesnt care she’s just like “lmao ik ur lying but have fun dont get pregnant”

Or Maybe thats just my mom idk

You have to shut him up by snatching his phone out of his hands and kissing him

When you pull away you’re just like “you talk too much lmao”

You explain to him that you like him too and u just get under the covers again and snuggle up next to him, and he wraps his arms around you

And you stay like that for a while before hes like “its late you should get home”

And you tell him you’re staying the night whether he likes it or not

And he is so down for that

But then you end up just spending the weekend there because why not his parents love you

And every night is just filled with cuddling, watching netflix, making out, late night snacks, etc.

Saturday night he gets a lil touchy and soon enough ur like straddling him and grinding your hips against his

But then he’s like “Ive never done this before” and you c o m b u s t

Ur like aren’t you like the school fuckboy how have you not done this

And he tells you its all just rumors and hes too lazy to set the record straight

And you basically decide to take things slow that night since it was you’re first time too and honestly it was so cute

It wasn’t really steamy rough sex it was more soft fluffy love making that is filled with giggling and exploring and appreciating each other

That was definitely the night you fell in love with him

Which is big because you thought love was gross

The next day you’re cuddling and he’s like “you know ur my gf now”

And ur like duh

You start going on cute dates after that like going to cafes or amusement parks

He loved taking you to the beach during the summer because u looked gr8 in a bikini

You found out you were going to the same college with was fantastic, so you decided to rent an apartment together nearby the campus instead of living in a dorm.

Which normally you’d be against because moving in together so quickly ?? but you felt different like this relationship was going to last

UNTIL HE CHEATED

Lmao jk gotcha bitch

My baby is too pure and innocent to cheat

Well innocent until you both get into bed and then oh lord it gets steamy

He wants to experiment with like e v e r y t h i n g and honestly you were down

But ofc you set some boundaries.

There were lines he couldn’t cross

I mean sometimes he tried but you shut that down real quick

Overall your relationship was perfect and you couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend

I mean he brought you pizza rolls and dr pepper to ‘study dates’ how could you not love him.

Oml it took me over an hour to write this its like 2:30 am why am i awake anyway imma go to bed now, idk ur name jungshookz but pls write more fanfics i need more to read late at night okay gnite

#jungkook #bts #btsjungkook #Jungkook oneshot #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #bts one shot #jungkook x reader #jeon jeongguk #im so sleep deprived #why am i awake #imagine #bts imagines #jungkook ima

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woojinieemoved · 7 years ago

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cuddling with jbj

a/n: hi its my first time doing something with all of the members but i just had to do it bcuz of a convo i had with @jinguobells that started off from sanggyun’s abs to somehow cuddling i hope you enjoy

my masterlist

Noh Taehyun ―

ah yes my jbj bias

ok bitch but first you need to go this video and skip to 1:04:25 it will really help out your imagination :-)))))

lol edit sorry i forgot to link the video lmao

if you’re too lazy basically taehyun has got some muscle buildin in his arms

that video is a liiiiiittle old so they might be more defined now ,’;)

anyways, knowing that, he probably has you where he can wrap his arms around your waist and have his head on your collarbones (or tits idk lol)

his grip would be tight but then again it makes you feel safe???

plus you can wrap your arms around his head and pet his hair

he’d mess with you and say you smell like a grandma and would be giggling into your shoulder when you playfully smacked him lightly

tbh he would fall asleep first since hes always moving around and he finally feels relaxed once hes in bed with you

gives you time to pepper light kisses on his forehead and moving his hair back to appreciate everything about his face before going to sleep as well

sometimes he would pretend to fall asleep just so he could hear what you were mumbling about him and feel all fuzzy inside

a whole fuckin mans!!!!

Takada Kenta ―

this gif is so cute im crying protect this bb

ok but imagine him waiting in bed for you and this is his reaction when he sees you in a cozy sweater (which happens to be his), shorts, and some fuzzy socks and your face slightly flushed from washing it

he’d coo you to come to him with his arms out and pull you in when you just fall onto him

he would pet your hair softly and run his fingers through it

then he would use both of his hands to grab your cheeks and give you a big kiss

you would probably watch a couple things on netflix before sleeping

gettin to the snuggling part

i feel like kenta would like spooning? he probably likes feeling dominant (not like that nasties) and would like to have his arms around you

he likes the feeling on your arms on top of his when you are in that position

would probably like to have his face in your hair cuz its soft and it smells nice since you took a shower before coming back to bed

another position he’d prob like is him on his back and you snuggled next to him with your arm on his chest and legs wrapped around one of his

and his arm would be under your head stretched out or wrapped around you

a soft, snuggly man

Kim Sanggyun ―

ok just imagine you’re hyunbin dont worry about it

this boy,,,, we all know he sleeps shirtless

ok now get this

he came straight out of the shower, his hair is kinda damp, hes got loose sweat pants barely hangin onto his hips, and this bitch doesnt have a fucking shirt on

honestly you should be used to it by now but you still choke on your own spit when he comes out like that

hes probably looking at his phone while he shuffles towards the bed and you’re like eyeing him the fuck down

ahem

this is supposed to be soft i am sorry

similar to the position that hyunbin and he is in in that gif, you’d basically be on top of him

hes shirtless but hes still super fucking warm????

your face would be laying against his chest and his arms would be lazily draped over you or his hands propped on your waist

your legs would be in between his

you’re basically bear hugging him at this point

since your face is on top of his chest, you could hear his heartbeat

so that, the rising of his chest as be breaths, and the warmth = so therapeutic

would place many kisses on top of your head or would whine until you smooched him a couple times on the lips before sleeping

he’d be smiling like the idiot that he is after he got the kisses

Jin Longguo/Kim Yongguk ―

ah yes @jinslongguo ‘s mans

we know how much he loves his cats so i assume that he cuddles with them ALOT

but now that you’ve become apart of his life, hes kinda like “????”

bcuz hes just so used to cuddling with 2 small cats how is he supposed to do this with a full grown human!!!

like the first time you guys cuddle, he’d be really awkward and would constantly be fidgeting which made you fidget so its just a never ending cycle of fidgeting bcuz neither of you are comfortable

“omg yongguk pls stay still”

“but idk whats comfortable??? i’ve only cuddled with cats my whole life how am i supposed to do this with humans”

you had to suppress your laugh bcuz he was genuinely confused about it and you had to guide him through basic cuddling

“ok just stay still and i’ll just adjust myself”

a couple shuffles later

“is this what cuddling is”

“yes.”

“are you comfortable”

“yeah, are you not comfortable?”

“no, i am. just checking.”

save this poor soul

anyways he eventually got used to cuddling and would google more cuddling positions and would bother you to try it out

Kwon Hyunbin ―

a very large baby!!!

you’d already be in bed, scrolling thru sns

hyunbin waddles towards the bed bcuz hes just that tired and flops onto it, making you bounce a little from the impact

he would crawl up and plop himself onto you, his face on your tummy and his arms wrapped around you

you would go and pet his hair, pinching his cheeks a little so that he would look up

he would lift his head with big puppy eyes, his chin now resting against you

“cmon you big baby. your feet are hanging off the bed”

he just shoves his face back into your tummy groaning, the vibrations tickling you a little

then out of nowhere, he would prop himself up to hover over you and attack your neck and face with kisses

this is the same thing as having to calm down your dog that’s way too excited to see you lol

he’d finally stop and roll over to the side of the bed

his arms would be out, a big smile stretched across his face

you’d roll your eyes but smile immediately after, knowing what he wants

and that is...

spooning!!!

despite being the giant bear himself, he lovES to cling onto you since you’re smaller that him and just that alone is super cute to him???

and boy hes got some long ass fuckin arms so that shit really wraps around ya good

this results in not being able to get up in the morning bcuz he doesnt want to let go and you cant really do much about it

Kim Taedong ―

theres not a lot of gifs of taedong i miss him :(

a man with pretty long arms and big hands like hot damn

anyways, taedong would probably enjoy having you close to his chest, one arm around your waist and the other going around so that he can hold your head softly against him

your head would be resting on his shoulder and your arms would be under his arms, your hands resting on his back

he would rub your back slowly until you fell asleep and would be pretty attentive to your breathing patterns

i imagine him just being so,,, warm,....

sometimes you guys dont even need that much of the blanket bcuz the warmth you two make just get bundled up under the blanket and you both wake up feelings kinda sweaty lol

“we need to get a thinner blanket”

“yeah i dont know why we always fall asleep with this huge fluffy blanket”

this is why you keep a small towel on the drawer incase yall wake up feeling grossly sweaty

Kim Donghan ―

kim donghan who idk him

ahem

you know it the actual cuddly baby of jbj

an actual kid??? like serously??????

he’d walk into the room with his jammies on, shoving a handful of chips into his black hole of a mouth

cue your mom mode

“donghan no you’re gonna get crumbs all over the bed again”

he would pout but shove more chips in his mouth right after

and you would just give him that mom stare

he’d let out a huff and walk out of the room and walk back in like 3 minutes later

he went to finish the chips in the kitchen lol

you saw him walk in empty handed and smiled

“now you can come on the bed”

will not hesitate to jump onto the bed

“oh ym god how are you not tired enough yet to do this”

he would drag his body up and hover over you with a stupid smile on his face

honestly you cant really stay mad at him for too long, so you just smiled too

he’d lean down to kiss you a couple times and then grab your body, rolling it so you could be on top of him

you guys dont always fall asleep cuddling, but whenever you dont, donghan always ends up wrapping his arms around you

i hope you enjoy this this took like 2 hours its almost 3 am goodnight

515 notes · View notes

tijuana-blues · 8 years ago

Text

I waited until i got to work to type this.

The end of this month crosses the 1 year mark. only one year ago my world was completely different, and on the Verge of Collapse. A little backstory is needed before i continue.

Yesterday was a normal Tuesday for me. Work didnt stress me, no problems arose. My parents texted me and my brother to eat steak for Dinner. The Food was delicious, and i was preparing to head home, hit a Nice Big Dab, play a round of Smite, and hit the sack, seeing as how i hadnt slept in over 24 hours, and the only thing fueling me was the Gram of Coke i bought on Monday lol.

So as i Get up to Put away my dishes and say goodbye, i get a FaceBook Message. Its my Cousin, Isaiah.

He says he got into an Argument with his dad and got kicked out. He needed somewhere to sleep for the night.

Sure, I tell him. I cant just ignore him if he has nowhere to go. He meets me at my house 5 Minuets later with a backpack full of beer, a bottle of Vodka, and half a loaf of bread and sandwhich meats. My Cousin is crazy lmao, he has the Apache Blood in him more than me. Anyway, since hes staying, i ask if he can find some Wax, so i wouldnt be taking from my Brothers Stash. We meet up a half hour later and pick it up.

so were in my garage, passing the rig back and forth while i Showed him how Smite Worked. And then suddenly he pulls a rolled up baggie out his pocket.

A rolled white Baggie full of powder.

“well we can finish this off, then. since youre letting me Crash here.”

Im not one to ask for payment to crash at my place, but i wasnt gonna say no either lol.

he pours it out on the glass i had been using myself and began to chop it fine with the razor blade i used too.

i had taken a couple pretty good sized dabs in quick order, so i was pretty toasted when he handed me the glass and rolled up dollar. I only saw the 2 lines he had cut on it, so i just assumed he cut two for both of us and i was going first. So i just aim the dollar at the line on the right and Snort away, dragging the dollar quickly, then my Nostril Burst into Flame. I had made a mistake, he cut one line for Me from the PILE on the left.

The PILE i just Tornado’ed up my nose, and was now drinking water to keep my throat from going numb from the river of coke mucus running down it. I hear my Cousin laughing next to me.

“youre a maniac, Cuz! you railed that whole Fat ass pIle!”

Well Fuck. so much for sleeping. Lighting Coursed through my Veins 5 minuets later, and i started drinking Beers to fight the Drip.

Now Isaiah told me that it was Good Shit, but i hardly take his word for it Nowadays. hes off mark most of the Time. Not this time, Though.

15 Minutes Later im Chainsmoking Cigarettes out front of my Driveway Drinking beer and my Jaw was shaking in my Head.

You know its Good Shit when it makes someone who spent the last 24 hours doing Coke often, gives him the Jabber Jaw.

me and Isaiah just began to talk bullshit into the NIght. at Around Midnight he was talking about a girl he knew for awhile now liking him. And him liking her too but he didnt think a Relationship would be good at the Time.

Then Youre Face appeared in my Head. Like it always does. I havent Gone a day yet where i dont see you in my head.

I dont know what caused this, Perhaps it was the Coke in my System with the Beer. Or Maybe it made me finally push past my Insecurities.

i Began to talk about how i Felt the Same, how i couldnt really talk to other women or really want to because of the Luggage i was Still Carrying with My Ex, Maria.

And from there i began to talk and Talk and Talk. I couldnt Stop, the Words i had been saying in my head Every day this Past Year came out. I sat in my Garage all night Long, Until 5:00 AM, Talking to Isaiah About Her.

I didnt hold back, and surprised myself as my eyes stayed dry and my Voice Stone Cold.

I told HIm about How every Woman i ever Dated All Cheated on Me and Left me without a Second Glance. About How My First Girlfriend Megan roped me into a 3 year Lie and ruined my trust in people. I talked about how the girls i dated afterwards all did the same thing, and how i wished i was joking to him.

I told him about how i blamed myself for each failed relationship, and how id spend nights trying to figure out a way to fix myself. How i felt like i wasnt meant to be Happy with anyone and how i stuffed it all down deep and dealt with it only in my most private moments.

...And Then i told him about How I Met her in my Junior Year of High School. The Class was Anatomy, a class full of 24 teenagers with the worlds Laziest Teacher. It was the First Day, and I walked in to a semi empty classroom with kids walking around, picking out a seat for the rest of the semester. the desks all faced forward, in groups of twos in four rows across. I took a seat on the outside Left side around the Middle. I just dropped my Bag and sat in my Seat, waiting for the class to start, checking my phone every now and Again.

And the seats began to fill up, the Desk next to me taken by a Tall Nerdy looking kid with blonde hair and Garth Glasses, A KId i Befriended. Daniel Butttruck. Thats not how you spell the last name but thats how it sounds lol. So i named him Butt Truck and thats his name to this day lol.

The Chair in front of Daniel on the right was taken by a Friend of Daniels, A glasses clad Girl name Aly, And all you need to know about her is that she has a IQ just North of a Bedroom Slipper.

And lastly, A Girl In crutches slowly approached the chair in front of me, and slid into the Chair as the class started. She had a big black velcro Boot strapped to her Leg, and it stuck out into the walkway on our left a bit. She had Dark Hair that was cut into a really cute short style. At first i didnt really notice her until a few weeks into the semester where the Teacher flipped the front two desks around, making Pods of 4. So Now She Faced me and Aly faced Dan on the right.

Thats When i noticed her.

She had Brown Eyes that shone slightly, like Fine Wood Tarnished to a Dark Brown Mixed with Lighter Browns. Her nose was a small little Button Nose between her prominent Cheekbones that raised when she smiled. She didnt Wear much Makeup, or at least looked like she didnt. I remember to this day about how i would see her smile and laugh a bit as we all got comfortable as a group, me cracking Jokes and being dumb some days, with Days. As time passed i began to Notice her more. I began picking her out in the hallways as i walked to class. Sometimes I would say Hi and see her reaction.She was like me in some ways, wasnt a morning person, and had the same sense of Humor. I remember the time Dan Told us about how he Broke his Leg at Blizzcon.

Yeah, if youre not 12 years old, Dan was the Kid who Broke his Leg in like 2006 at Blizzcon Dancing like a Zombie. He was on Tosh.O or was going to be? ill ask him next time i see him lol. Anyway, hes telling us this story and Maria and I are Freaking Out because we realized he is Internet Famous, and Laughed Like Crazy.

Soon enough, I went from saying hi when i saw her to stopping by her morning class to say hi and chat, since my morning class was down the hall from hers, then sometimes wed walk toward our next class. Mind You, i Was a Junior at 17-going on 18, and Maria was two years younger than me. I never tried to flirt with her, but i enojoyed talking to her. I remember clearly One Winter Morning as i walked in from the Bus Lanes to my Morning Government Class, I see her standing by her Morning classroom, i dont remember what it was. She had her phone and was tapping away on it. I quickened my Pace as i passed her, and called out, “Maria!” she popped her head up and looked at me, and i Flipped her off. She gave a look of Confusion and laughed, walking into her classroom as the bell rang. I remember giggling to myself as i sat down, then asking myself, “Why the fuck did i do that for?? Idiot!”

That was the beginning of my Senior Year, Graduated 2011. We didnt have much contact after i Graduated, while i did the little schooling i did do, and work at that God Awful Produce Factory that first year out of High School.It wasnt until about a year or so later, when i started my job at Wal-Mart and Moved in with Christian. i remember it being Spring When i Saw Her Again. I Was collecting carts to put back in the cart corral, when i heard a Girls Voice Call my Name out in the Parking Lot.

I look out towards Barros Pizza in the plaza and i saw her Again.

It was a Bright Sunny Day, Not too Hot yet in the Summer. Her Hair had grown a bit longer, but still had its shape. She wore a Bright Yellow SunDress with Sunflowers on it. I remember how Cute i thought it was on her. I remember this moment so clearly because it was in that moment i felt something inside my heart. Like a Spark running through it.

I smiled and walked out to meet her, she had two of her other friends with her, they had been eating at Barros. Maria Hugged me and Asked me how i had been, and i told her about how i started working there and i live on my own now, looking into colleges. We chatted for a few minutes before i had to go back to work. I asked for her number to text with and, she walked off. As i went back inside i remember the times in Anatomy with our little group, and how i used to enjoy chatting with her. it also made me Remember the day i flipped her off, Years ago. As i lay down in bed that night, I remember thinking of her and telling myself, “you know, i think she would be an awesome Girlfriend.”

Months Passed and i hadnt had much Contact with Maria. I had my own problems at the time and i remember that period of my life to be so unstable i didnt want to date a girl and Live there lol. But i would text her every now and then and wed talk for a bit. I remember her dating someone at the time, and living with them. One Night in Particular I noticed she was posting on Tumblr and it seemed like she was Upset. So i Texted her and asked if she was doing alright. She said she was fine, but shes too much like me, i say that just to get people to leave me alone. I text back that she can talk or vent to me, that i didnt mind. And she did. She began to talk about her Relationship with her BF and how they rarely see each other because of work schedules and School. She told me she was thinking of just packing her things and leaving while he was at work. I told her, “Do what you have to do. if you arent happy, why are you there?”

i texted about a week or so later. She left him. She Began talking about moving to Portland With a Friend, and Getting out of AZ. I remember being bummed out at the news, my feelings for her had began to grow. I decided to step away for awhile, let those feelings go away. It must have been around 3 or 4 months later, or longer? But anyway, i see her posting on Tumblr Again, and i send her a DM asking how shes been, and if she moved to Oregon. She replied back and said her Friend Flaked, and that she really didnt want to go anyway. She says to text her, and i Ask for her Number Again.

From then on, we talked semi often every couple days, more and more often as time passes. Finally, one Day i ask her to hangout sometime, go to the arcade, play air hockey. We had been talking pretty often by then, but no obvious flirting or anything. We meet up at the arcade and we take turns playing different games, Giant Connect Four, Air Hockey, Ticket Games. She bought me a little T rex with her tickets, i named him Revan. Then we just sat on a couch and People watched those who walked in. I remember feeling her arm against mine as we sat together, and Me leaning in Quickly and kissing her cheek, and Seeing her Smile.

About 4 or 5 more little Dates Later, I ask her if she would be serious, because i wanted to be.

Her Face Brightened as i saw her give the biggest Smile i ever seen from her, and she said Yes.

I told Isaiah how as the first year passed, i had been drunk off the happiness i had at the time. As i learned more about Maria, the more attractive she was to me. She is unlike any woman ive ever met before, or have met since. I told him about how i talked about her to my friends all the time, how smart she was, how she volunteered at a Funeral Home Embalming Bodies and playing with Corpses like a Badass.

Then came my 22nd Birthday, on the first year we were dating in 2014. I didnt even want a present from her, she was all i wanted any day. I dont know why i never told her things like that. She Baked me Fudge Brownies after work on the week of my birthday, and i was more than happy.

Then she pulled a box out of Nowhere, Smiled That Warm Smile i Had come to Adore, and Said “Happy Birthday Babe!”

Before that Moment, i Cant recall a time that i was genuinely Surprised like that. I remember the words stopping in my throat and jumbled with the ones i had tried to say Next. Genuine Excitement as i opened the Long Brown Box. I opened the top flap and pulled the Styrofoam Casing to the Rectangle stick inside, Bright White with a Black Line going Down along the Length of it. And inbetween the space in the Line at the Hilt, Was the Red and White Sigil of the Uchiha.

A fucking Uchiha Sword! Like i was in actual Disbelief when i Realized. And what i explain next i never told anyone other than Isaiah that night.

I had to Try my Hardest to keep from Crying in that moment. Not because i loved the Gift she had gotten me, and how she made it a surprise, Something no one has done for me before.

It was because i remember a couple weeks before,as we scrolled Netflix one evening, i Saw Naruto on the list. I geeked out and asked you if you ever watched it, and began geeking out about it to her. I Made her watch some of my favorite episodes, and she would playfully Tease me about it. As My birthday neared, i came home from work one day to watch some Naruto Myself, and Booted up Netflix.

Someone went about 4 episodes ahead of where we Left off Last. I was at Work, and it was her Netflix Account. She actually started watching it because of how much i told her i liked it. Then She picked out something SHE thought i would like, instead of asking what I wanted like My Lazy Ass does.

No one had ever shown interest in Me like that before, and it touched me right in that moment. I blocked all emotion and was all smiled as i Hugged her Maria and told her how much i loved it. That thing was glued to my hip for like 2 months straight, i would get high after work and watch old Samurai and Ninja Movies, and act out the sword fighting with it. I even slept with it for the first Week.

In the days after that, i saw Maria in a whole new Light. I always knew the Maria who had her walls up to Anyone, the “i really dont care,” attitude she had when she was grumpy in the mornings. I got a glimpse at the Maria That was Behind that wall, The Real Maria.

Who Was sweet, considerate, and Generous. Loving and who could make me laugh.

Ever since that i saw that small glimpse of Her, My heart swelled and pumped blood thrice as hard, and my hands would shake and my mouth would get dry.

I was Falling in Love with you.

Hours have Passed, its Around 2 AM. The Line of Coke has me at Full Speed still, having plenty to say still. Isaiah just sits and drinks, giving the odd acknowledgement every couple of Sentences.

The months after my Birthday have passed, and things seem great between Maria and I. If i only knew what i know now.....

If i had just Put more Faith in You, and in my Heart. It Kills me to know how things would be if i had just manned up and told you how you made me feel....

After the first year, the strain began. We both worked. I had the accounting Job with the Contracting Company, and Maria was Working at a local Kids clothing store, and Volunteered at the Funeral Home, Along with her classes, AND she tutored.

i understood she had a full plate alot of the the time, not to mention the headaches and pains she would have. And that time of the month the poor girl was in pain Constantly. So i didnt get upset or mad when she didnt have time to visit or was too tired from work. we were always talking.

But eventually the Strain and My past would come to Signal the End. it was August, 2015. My brother had fallen Behind on his Mortage Payments on his house, and needed to make a payment ASAP or he would lose the House. Naturally i gave him all the spare cash i could to keep a roof over our heads.

Unfortunately, It left me Penniless during the Month of August, which Marias Birthday was in. I Felt Like Complete Shit but i was in a corner. I apologized to her and promised to make it up to her. It wasnt a big deal to her, but i just hated that it made me look like i dont give a shit.

I had an Ace an hole, Though. i Saved a link to a site that makes Custom Rings that Maria had posted in Tumblr that she really liked and wanted. I ordered it and did it early enough to get it before Christmas. It was already Too Late.

Maria was beginning to grow distant, not replying as soon or as often before. the replies getting shorter and shorter, the tone colder and colder. As we approached My birthday again, I plan a Group event with my friends and family, cause last year we went Paintballing and Maria wasnt there, she had work and class.

So im thinking of what i could do for a group, and i see that Charlie Murphy is doing a show ON my Birthday, a Friday! It was Perfect. I called and Reserved seats for everyone, ordered Bottle Service, i was so excited!

I texted Maria Telling her About the Comedy show and Date of My Birthday. She says she cant make it cause of work, she gets off at around 12. I was Bummed, but I understood.

The Big Day comes and it starts off great. Work was a Breeze, and Maria greeted me with a Warm Happy Birthday first. As the day progressed Everything seemed Normal. As evening sets, we all get ready to go to the show. 8 o clock, Showtime!

it was a Fantastic Show, me and all my Friends and Family drinking and Laughing our Asses off. The only thing missing was Maria. I texted her before the show saying id text her after it was over. it woulda been near to midnight, and she coulda met up with us. The show ends around 1040, and the manager says we can finish off the bottles in the bar. Me and my Friends stay, and start getting Tanked.

Midnight Comes, and i text Maria asking if she was off yet and if she wanted to come meet us. Time passes, and no reply.

she probably went home and crashed, she was probably tired, I think, as it wasnt Abnormal for her to Nap during the Day or whenever she could. So i check Facebook, and it Hits me.

A friend Tagged her and some friends at Westgate, not Long ago.

My heart Goes into FreeFall in My stomach.

Why would she be at Westgate After work? did she Ignore my Text...? why...?

My insecurites flared, and i assumed the worst. I remember everything going Quiet around me, My heart Hammering in my chest, blocking out all other noise.

i Shouldve just called. i Shouldve had more Faith in you, and what i Meant to you.

When every girl you date cheats on you and leaves, in a Row, it was hard not to assume the worst, when the worst is what always happens to you.

I remember the tears welling up in my eyes as i get up to go outside the bar. She went to go out with her friends, and she knew it was my Birthday Today....

It didnt make any sense to me, it all seemed so unbeliveable. But ive been wrong before. And add the excessive Alcohol, you get a Recipe for a Terrible Mistake.

I wasnt Dumb, I knew Maria and I were Drifting apart, Our schedules getting more and more hectic. My job stressing me the fuck out day after day, Marias Packed Schedule.

I was so fucking stupid. Why did i wait? Why didnt i just drop to my knees and tell her when i look at her eyes, i feel like i could do anything. That when she was in my arms i Felt like i needed to become a Better man for her. Why did i wait?

December. Jerkoff Hipster making her ring is falling behind, gonna need a couple more weeks. delivery date mid Janurary. I Threw A fucking Fit. i could feel it all slipping away, no matter what I did. Why did i Wait?

I was so Terrified of Opening up to you, and you not feeling the same way. The Thought of looking into your eyes and telling you that i was in love with you, and i wanted to be with you forever, or until i died. I was Terrified of looking into your eyes and Shooting me down. The texts got shorter and shorter. only strengthening My doubts and Fears.

Christmas. The Ring wasnt Ready yet. Another Fucking Embarassment. She got me a Captain Phasma Painting and some Marvel Shirts. I tell you, “look, i ordered this is time to get it for Christmas, but the Guy Got Delayed and it wasnt ready yet, but... i showed you the Ring on my Phone.

It was the last smile i Saw on you in Person.

So many oppurtunities, wasted. so fucking Stupid. I promise to make it up to you.

Down to One Word Answers, or no Reply at all.

Janurary 2016. Hiroshima.

Valentines Day is Coming, Ill have the Ring Then! and i ordered a Cute little Stuffed Corgi to go with Some Flowers and a nice Romantic Date! i order everything and wait.

You came over one week, and seemed in such a foul mood, i couldnt place it. I thought you were in Pain Probably. I tried to cuddle you, kiss your cheek, you clearly dont want the affection. I try something alittle more...Adult.

You Grabbed my Wrist, and Yanked my Hand away, throwing it off you. I was in Shock. I still remember the look you Gave me that night, Clear as day. That Piercing Glare, Looking Right at me. Pure Anger. and Pain.

Youre replies, in thier Rarity, lacked no padding for thier sharp edges. I believe its all Over Now.

Late January 2016.

You came over one Last time. We had Sex one last time. I remember grabbing you after the first go around as you got up and laid you back down. I was such a Fool.

The Ring was Delivered that Weekend. Monday i text you to see when your free to visit next, your ring is ready and i wanted to see if it fit correctly. You reply your busy tomorrow. i ask with what? you reply with: Concert. i ask What concert. You say: Tribal Seeds.

You stopped Replying After That. The Next Day i texted you again asking when can you come hangout and see your Ring?

You Broke up with me after that.

It felt like everything around me had fallen below me, and all that was left was the dark and Silence. Typing about it now makes the Hole in my heart Ache. I remember how hard the Rain Poured that Night.....As i Cried along with it.

And it was only the Beginning for me.

The first weeks after that day are a blur to me. Either Too Many Drugs Or too Many Drinks, take your pic. i was Broken. One moment you were there, you were mine, and i was gonna fix everything come Valentines Day. I had a Nice Romantic Dinner planned, then a Scenic Walk where i would show you the ring and tell you that even though were having a Rough Patch right now, that i loved you and i wanted to do everything i can to prove it to you.

But you Had other plans didnt you?

God i can still feel my heart when I saw pictures of you and Him....I dont know how to Describe how Painful it was to see. It was only Feb, and you were already with someone else? Posting Valentines Shit? I cried for hours, I begged for you not to be like the others, To just leave me for Someone Else so Fucking Fast, like i was Nothing to you.

But thats how it went down, though. Didnt it?

Friends for over 5-6 Years, Lovers for 2.

I couldnt even get a goodbye.....Just a Text. Was that all i was worth, to you?

You got with him within Weeks of Dumping me. Yet your Tumblr youre heartbroken and sad. It was like i had Entered into some NIghtmare.

within the First Two Weeks, I dropped four Hits of Acid at Once. I wanted to Escape. Instead i jumped right into it. I see you posting on Tumblr. Sad, Depressing things. Your Tags show how you deleted the texts from your phone, even though you didnt want to. How you could literally see in your texts of your declining Affection for me. In the end, It was my own doing.

With the Courage of Acid, I messaged you. I ask if your okay, and you ask why, like i dont see your posts, like i dont possibly know why you could be feeling so sad. Even then, at the end, you couldnt be honest with me.

I ask you Maria cant we please Talk?

You say About what? Like you thought i was stupid.

And thats when i just finally, for the first time, although Far too Late. I opened up to you.

I remember Anatomy.

I Remember You At Barros that Day

I Remember Air Hockey at the Arcade.

I remember The Birthday Gift.

The Words poured out then like they do now, The Spark you set in my Heart was the most important thing to me.

Whatever i needed to do to make it work, no matter what, just please dont give up on me.....

You may as well as shot me dead with your reply.

“if you had said that before, things would be Completely different.”

“saying it Now doesnt Mean Much to me now”

Those words still Haunt Me, A Year Later. And it is not even the worst to come.

You Had the verdict long before i even knew. You Found my “dating Profile” Online, and didnt say anything. just let it stew inside you. As we grew apart it hurt to see you just blatantly ignore my messages. So i used that profile to look at women, nothing else. It was only on My Birthday i Night i Made a Mistake i Will Regret forever. Maria wasnt there, she was with her friends. she didnt want to come here, or answer my texts. she chose to be with my friends. I was always the girls’ Second Choice. I got Drunk. I got Upset. I wanted Petty Revenge. I cheated. I Dont even Remember her Name or what she really looked like. Never should have done it.

A month Passes. March. I ask to still be friends, and how i missed you. We start talking again, almost like how it used to be. Tagging each other in posts again.But i also See him. Concerts, posts, tags. It tore me apart. Some Days i would wake up at 4 AM from my alarm for work, and Your Face would be the first thing i see in my head. The Tears would flow before i could even open my eyes for the first time. I try to get you to meet up with me, so we can talk. After i opened up that night you agreed we should talk. Then you just changed your mind....You Said give it time, walk the path, smell the Roses, and maybe we can start again...

My heart is Pumping like a cannon as i go into detail for Isaiah, how i became a madman, was so motivated by the mere notion that MAYBE there was a CHANCE we could work it out later. I couldnt be stopped. I drank Nothing but Water, ate only Chicken, Raw Veggies, Salmon and Fish, and cut out ALL sugar and breads. I dropped 30 pounds in a Month, and was in great shape for a fight at the gym i trained at. I would watch these Inspirational videos everymorning at 3 AM, just to run for an hour. I posted everything on Snapchat, Only Because i Wanted Maria to see it. I was so Optimistic...

April 2016.

Family Vaction in Mexico. A week with a private beachfront Villa and as much Booze as i can drink. i go in with Gusto. The Villa Has Wifi, can keep up with your posts.tagged me in some. Then the posts about him.

I hated how it made me feel to read them. He had what i wanted for us. Our own Place. Just Us. and a Dog.

He took My Place and it Ate me Alive from the Inside.

I stayed up all night, drinking tequila by the shot, playing Toro Y moi and Chain smoking. I watched the reflection of the moon dance on the waves, and thought of you. When i hear the Ocean, and nights when the Moon is Large and Beautiful, i think of you.

I Broke that night......

I knew there was no Path, no flowers to smell.

There was no Second Chance.

I Lost her.

And i couldnt get her back. She didnt want me anymore.

she wants someone else now, and when i Think about it I have to imagine Flames burning the thoughts away.

I guess after that night, i lost my motivation, i Wised up.

And i knew i had to come clean to you. It was the hardest thing i ever did.

It hurts so much still, looking back. Im So sorry...

Even after i hurt you that day, i still saw a sliver of you come through your walls.

I begged for you in time to forgive me, and over time we could be friends again. Let me earn back your trust, understand i made a Terrible Mistake and im willing to do anything to make it work.

Most people would have told me to go to hell and never talk to them again.

But not you. Not even then.

You Said, “ Maybe in time i will forgive you. maybe i wont. Depends on how i feel. for now you should make yourself scarce.”

I was stunned,,,those words hung on me for months after. Did you really mean that, Maria?

And that was the last time i heard from you for awhile...i remember Breaking down at work....The Silence hurt the most. No Texts, No Posts, Nothing.

Not only did i lose the woman i Love, I lost a dear Friend as well...

When i Returned home, i Quit Training, I quit the fight, I quit Dieting. That deep, Dark Hole you brought me out of, Maria.....when i saw you that day....I went Right Back in.

since May 2016 i was in a hole that i could not get out of. sure, i made it look like i was living the life on snapchat, but in reality, on the inside, i was so broken. Then Life Decided to kick me while i was down, and Took my Bonnie away from me. As if it couldnt get worse. My Brother and I Bawled as they put her to sleep. I was so fucking Lost.....

So i texted the one person who maybe might put up with my Bullshit....You.

and you were nice, you coulda kicked me when i was down and wouldve been justified. But you heard me out....More of that Real you shining through.

It is 4 AM now. i have spent all night telling this story to Isaiah, who has listened intently this whole time.

I tell him how after the months of Bonnies Death, I just didnt leave the house. Tried my Best to leave you be and not see shit that would kill me on the inside. The days became Quiet and Lonely. your presence in Tumblr becomes less and less active.

I hardly see you or your posts anymore...

i harden my heart and try move on.

Then i see your posts about your health. the doctor scare, Lupus.

I felt so bad, and worried i wanted to see if you were okay, even though i knew you hate my guts.But i worried and Worried and finally said fuck it and just sent a message saying i heard what youre going through, im sorry, i hope you get better soon, if you need anything, please ask

I wasnt expecting a Response, Yet you sent one : Thanks for Caring.

couldnt expect more than that, so i leave it be.

That Night, Maria makes a post.

Its About me.

My heart jumped into my throat and got stuck. My hands shook as i held my phone.

I didnt completely erase you out of my life.

i still think about you, from time to time.

Thank you for texting me today.

thank you for still caring about me.

Despite the shit i post on here, I still Care about you too.

And No its not the drugs Talking.

I read and Re-Read that post thousands of times in the following months. On Bad Days, Days where i wanted to give up. I read that post and it kept me going. First time reading it i Cried for hours. It was as if God heard a prayer.

To see you say that you still cared.....you will never know what that did. how that felt for me. Even Now it makes me tear up.

My heart didnt hurt as much after that, it healed some of it. I was always confused with Maria. One moment she says she cares, then comes off as your nothing to her. i never knew which was which.

and now, as the year came to face my Birthday again. There was only one thing i wanted. truly wanted. and if i got it, getting nothing else from anybody wouldnt even fucking matter.

I just wanted you to say Happy Birthday.

I didnt think you would. i thought you would have moved on by now, enjoying youre new life with him. I couldnt bleed about it any longer. i took the pieces of my heart and piece it back together again. i began to accept reality. and the pain began to dull.

NOV. 20th 2016

Saturday.

Woke up Early and went out to the woods to do some shooting. all day there. Head back for some Missouri BBQ, and get ready to get Blackout drunk Tonight. Night Goes well, Got trashed, had fun, Fought a couple dudes, enjoyed myself.

Got back to Devins Late that night. Eat Chocolate BDAY cake drunk.

Head off for bed. I sit on the edge of the bed and look at the time. 9:40 PM

She isnt gonna say it. Oh well.

go to your blog to lookup your post to make me feel better.

Read the words, smile and Remember. Pain Begins to set in.

back out of tags to leave, see another tag you never seen before.

“C and I”

click tag link.

Heart Explodes in my Chest, Breath Frozen in throat.

Its a picture. of us. Smiling.

the Caption Read:” I know i have trouble expressing my emotions and feelings and stuff but this guy right here means the world to me. Hes sweet, caring and Funny and---”

I couldnt read the Rest. I began to Cry Non Stop, Like someone Just Told Me my mother was Murdered.

I couldnt stop it, couldnt control myself. The pain was so much. Each one more painful to look at. How did i never see them? How??

I couldnt do it anymore. I couldnt keep taking the pain of it. I deserved to be Happy too..

its been two months since that day.

its been over a year since i last seen you with my own eyes, heard your voice....

And now we reach the end of this story. i force myself to block out the memories, remember nothing.

I have to move on with my life....

and yet....after saying all that Isaiah, which After i had finished, 8 hours had passed. 8 hours i poured out my soul. such a weight had been lifted, it felt so good for someone to hear me out...

so i finish this sad story, and Isaiah asks me one question: How do you feel about her now?

I stayed quiet for a good amount of time. i mulled it over. every memory. Good. the Bad. The Ugly. and i finally settled upon:

I miss her, Isaiah. Not like a lover misses his spouse, but like a friend who helped another Grow.

I hope to see you again one day, Maria.

#m #personal #tldr #my soul

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