#the way I haven’t actually draw fanart in a year is crazy- this blog is really getting me back into it

[booplesnotts-art]

Guys help I’m trying to figure out what to draw since I have some free time lately and I cannot decide if I wanna draw Danny again or hb😭

Also— feel free to send me asks and stuff for some drawing requests/ideas! I’m in a stage right now where I just want to draw SOMETHING but haven’t come up with any ideas yet. I can’t guarantee I’ll get any requests done right away but I’d certainly like to take a crack at it at one point!

[nobodysuspectsthebutterfly]

Hello! If you don't mind me asking, are you planning on watching House of the Dragon? I'm personally unsure about it. I was cautiously optimistic about it since D&D are not involved, but the recent casting news have been ugh disappointing imo. What do you think?

Hey anon! Sorry to say I kind of mind you asking because my inbox is still closed (to everyone except my secret Santas, which is why the ask page is accessible at all), but then I realized it’s possible if you’re on the mobile app only, you haven’t seen said note in my askbox, or my FAQ, or anything of the sort. And with older metas of mine being reblogged recently, it’s possible you may be confused. (I hope you’re on mobile only and not just ignoring my requests.) So I wanted to inform you of that... but also, y’know, I kind of wanted to make a post about the HotD cast anyway? And this ask is as good a prompt as any... so, you’re lucky, but please don’t push your luck. ;)

So, straight up: I currently have no plans to watch House of the Dragon. HBO is not getting any of my goddamn money, I don’t trust like that. And hunting down illegal livestreaming sites is a pain in the ass and I regret ever doing it for GoT, as well as regretting getting drunk every weekend enough to dampen my senses to ever tolerate that show. Yeah it’s different showrunners and writers, I know. It’s still (mostly) the same executives at HBO and even if the pervert producer is gone (or is he?), you know they still just want to sell sex and violence and dragons to an audience that thinks fantasy is for geeks.

Also, considering that Fire & Blood’s story of Dance of the Dragons has very little actual narrative or dialogue, and the historical record is deliberately untrustworthy, that gives them pretty much full rein to do whatever they like with the story and characterization and words without even being slightly obliged to GRRM at all. Furthermore, since the story is wholly political with virtually none of the magical side of ASOIAF (excepting dragons), and honestly does not have much in the way of themes or depth that main ASOIAF or even D&E has, I think it will be very hard for an adaptation to show even those brief sparks of quality that used to make me wistful GoT couldn’t be that good all the time and eventually just made me frustrated and depressed. Note I do like the history and characters of the Dance despite myself, despite its many many many textual issues, but I don’t need to see an adaptation, I have a very visual imagination. I don’t watch a lot of television to begin with, I don’t see why I should start again with this.

However, I’m not going to avoid spoilers or discussion, and I’ll probably follow the show the tumblr way, through gifsets and video clips and people bitching on their blogs etc. If, somehow, by some miracle of good screenwriting and acting, the show manages to transcend its source material, I’m sure I will be informed. And then, if and only if then, I may try watching. (Without, of course, giving HBO any of my goddamn money.) We shall see.

(Though I certainly don’t know why anyone in Targ standom would ever watch a Dance adaptation considering almost every Targaryen and everyone else in the story is terrible except Helaena and the kids, and considering how the story ends, unless y’all are gluttons for punishment? (I do not comprehend hatewatching, sorry.) It’ll probably be fun at first to see the adventures of those “precious silver douchebags” (to borrow a friend’s tag), but eventually rocks fall, everyone dies, including the girlboss you know you’ll hope the story will be changed enough that she succeeds. Just letting you know now, she won’t.)

That said. I’ve been following the casting news and I think the hate/fear/wild screaming is entirely overblown. Yeah, I know, but wait, just listen. On Friday I officially welcomed @naomimakesart to the “favorite character is now played by an actor who looks nothing like most fanart and is mostly known for wildly different roles” club. I still remember that day in September 2009 when my brother texted me “yarp”... and that right there is the thing. Yeah. Rory McCann looks very little like most pre-GoT Sandor fanart... but many fans grew to love him anyway. (There are some who never did, of course. And yeah the character went off the rails by the end, but truly, who didn’t. Having seen his audition, having spoken to him and heard him wistfully talk about book scenes he loved, I’m convinced if Rory had only been given Sandor’s actual scenes and such, he would’ve killed it. Sigh. Deep, deep sigh.)

And Rory isn’t the only one. Neither of the actors for Jaime and Cersei were considered “beautiful” enough at first. I recall very clearly people bitching about Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (about his nose particularly?) because they had wanted Tarzan-era Travis Fimmel to be Jaime. (Seeing people bitch because current-Fimmel isn’t playing Daemon made me laugh out loud for both BEYONCE?! meme -type “why would you ever cast him omg he doesn’t fit my headcanon Daemon at all”, and amazing amounts of fandom flashbacks.) Lena Headey was “too square-jawed”, “too mean-looking” (since at the beginning you should never be able to guess she’s evil), “too dark-complected”, “too mannish”, not at all attractive enough. (Tricia Helfer was the most common “but I wanted” for Cersei, btw.) And of course “they don’t remotely look like twins, ugh!” Note, there’s receipts for all of this, none of it is made up. (Unfortunately.) Those two actors are just the ones whose casting wank I recall most clearly, particularly because oh how the turn tables.

Also. You know, there’s a post with Matt Smith and Mark Simonetti’s TWOIAF Daemon going around with shrieks of horror... and I’m finding it maddening in a “am I crazy? am I  the crazy one???” way, because Matt looks like the painting. Their features are not that dissimilar.

Same deepset eyes. Same cheekbones of doom. Same thin lips. Same protruding chin. Same high forehead. Same invsible eyebrows ffs. Matt has a squarer jaw, and a longer more rectangular face, and a wider nose, but considering that Daemon’s features are not described in the text, and this is the only official ASOIAF artwork that shows Daemon’s face straight on, I can for sure see why he was probably shortlisted to begin with. And that’s not even getting into to his role in The Crown, which I’ve heard is very well played with politics and palace intrigue... and if you doubt Smith can play seductive/roguish and/or evil (depending on how you LARP as a Westeros historian), or look good with long hair... well. I do not want to watch the movie, but this trailer is disturbingly enlightening.

And as for Rhaenyra... y’all know this show is starting at the beginning of the story, right? When she’s a teenager? Not a voluptuous MILF? Yeah, Emma D’Arcy doesn’t look like a Magali Villeneueve painting (though who does, good lord), but you know who she does look remarkably like? Harry Lloyd.

Same jawline. Same nose. Same thin lips. Same sharp cheekbones. Notably, same kind of sharp cheekbones and deep-set eyes as Matt Smith. HBO evidently has a concept of a “Targaryen look” that’s a little bit quirkier than supermodel-Greek statue-gods on earth, yeah, fine. But it’s consistent, and they look like family, and that-- that is good casting.

And yeah, in a few months to a year or so, you’ll see them in costume and wigs and makeup, you’ll see them in motion and speaking lines, and go Oh. That’s different. Never mind. And while people will make fanart of the show depictions of the characters and those will probalby get popular, they’ll also keep doing fanart of their pre-show headcanons, and those too will be popular. (God knows when I draw or visualize book!Sandor, Rory does not come to mind, lol.) Either way, there’s no reason to panic. We’ll live.

(Though will we live well? Got to wait on the writing and showrunning for that, alas.)

[sweetescapeartist]

Since there is barely anybody that looks at this blog now, imma say some things now that I'll reveal later on Twitter (maybe). Also this is gonna be a long read so you can read if you wanna or not. Its kinda a rant.

I started this blog because I liked Dragon Ball and wanted to share my ideas and things I liked with other fans. I enjoyed that. Krillin is my favorite character so I wanted to show him some love & maybe get more ppl to like him. Then eventually I started drawing nsfw art.

I began doing so because there's a great lack of Krillin positive nsfw art. Eventually on my Twitter, I gathered a following that like to see Krillin getting some love. I also went from sfw with my OC Tobi to drawing nsfw. The problem I have with both is that I don't have time as much to draw what is like to. Nor do I care as much for nsfw art.

So this is what I'm trying to say. I have other things I want to do. I draw for free and accept some requests. I'm not getting paid and I feel like I'm wasting my time somewhat. The positive is that more ppl have come to like Krillin and hopefully more will later. There aren't a lot of nsfw artist that promote Krillin. Its all about Saiyans and I understand why. I like Saiyans too. But its always at the expense of human characters that I like especially Krillin.

"Vegeta got beat up by 18 so he deserves to dick her down"

"18 should be with anyone else but Krillin. She should be with a Saiyan."

I'm seriously tired of it, ya know? Its just such negativity. I've tried to combat it with positivity and that does work but that's not what most ppl seem to care about or see. Krillin means a lot to many of us. Yes, we know he's a fictional character but he's someone we can latch on to and see ourselves in. How he constantly tries hard and doesnt give up despite having low self-esteem. He is very relatable and an encouraging character. So understand that it frustrates me and others when ppl keep making fun of a character we love just because of memes that are very innacurate, he's short, he's married to what most of the fandom consider the most attractive female in the series (so they're jealous of him to an extent), or when ppl downright degrade his character.

Why? Why treat a positive character so negatively? Ppl make fun of Krillin because he has PTSD but won't make fun of Future Trunks. They trash his marriage and make it seem as if 18 doesn't care for him because he has the most stable marriage in the series. They call his daughter an ugly troll but want to see her in hentai with some Saiyan. Such hypocrisy. That's why I've drawn some of the things I have.

There are drawings I've done that I haven't posted because they are so disrespectful to characters like Vegeta or Gohan. And I love Gohan so that's a reason why I never posted them. I'm a positive person but it seems many ppl only respond to negative. So here's what I've done/plan to do.

I have some comics planned to draw along with some pictures. The pictures vary on what they will be, but the comics... Here's what they are.

I will be making NTR comics starring Krillin but he is the main character. There are too many of him being portrayed as a wimp or punk that lets everybody get with 18 besides himself. Or its done behind his back. So I'm going to have Krillin taking other character's ladies from them. Yeah its negative in a way but also positive for Krillin. Maybe this can get the point across to ppl? Idk.

But I will make a comic where Krillin gets Videl, Bulma, & Chichi. I will make others where he gets into "situations" with characters like Kale & Caulifla, Cheelai, & others. I also plan to make a comic about Roshi basically being cucked by Krillin (you'll have to wait and see to understand that one). So that's what I have planned. Hentai comics with Krillin as the lead. Its unpopular and that is why I do it.

I'll make other more positive comics too. Like a comic about Krillin getting advice then marrying 18. Ill draw stories with my OC Tobi as he lives with Krillin and his family & dates Marron. It will focus on the Chestnut family and have father/son moments with Krillin & Tobi. And ill introduce other characters too.

But here's the big thing that contradicts everything I said prior. I don't want to draw DB anymore. The fan base has kinda wore me out but so has the direction the series has gone. In bored of the writing for DBS and it being solely about Goku & Vegeta when there are other characters like Gohan & Piccolo. Its a fighting anime so why would we only want to see 2 characters? God ki was introduced so that's an easy way for everyone to get stronger and involved. But its too corporate now and lazy. And the DBS manga... so terrible. Toyotaro is a much better artist than I am and not to talk bad about him but I think DragonGarowLee is much better for the position that Toyo. DGL knows how to choreograph fights better and understands Toriyama's comedy better. Toyo doesn't know how to write the characters. He makes Goku an uncaring idiot, makes Vegeta a poorly written Goku clone, makes fun of Krillin for no reason except he doesn't like him (seriously! He has called him ugly, weak, scared, useless, & had ppl like Goku and Roshi insult Krillin. Wtf?!), he doesnt know how to create a unique character without ripping off a character Tori has done much better. And the fanboys (& girls)

Gosh! The Vegeta fans are great but they can be crazy sometimes. They ignore all the evil Vegeta has done and ignore his flaws as if he's a perfect angel. Vegeta's flaws is what makes him such an interesting character! And him being different than Goku is a good thing. But there's a weird and false understanding of his character. "Vegeta is a better dad than Goku" sure. Vegeta just knocked up Bulma then left her as. Single mother and didn't care if she or his infant son died, never hugged his son until he was 10+ yrs old & didn't love Bulma until sometime during the 7 yr time skip. He was a terrible person in a terrible relationship! THEN he became a better person and actually loving to his family. That change is what make Vegeta great. Not his power level or how many kills he has or "cool moments."

That same twisted misunderstanding of Vegeta is similar to the misunderstanding of Krillin. Ppl think he's weak and a coward. But he fights aliens & beings stronger than him and even injures stronger opponents. He smiles in the face of danger and even gets excited during fights but is smart enough not to risk others lives. Krillin nearly killed Nappa, he would've finished Vegeta with the Spirit Bomb if Yajirobe didn't alert Vegeta that Krillin was attacking him, smart enough not to fight on Namek when they're outnumbered, took on aliens stronger than him, outsmarted them & escaped, protected both Gohan & Bulma, more skilled than Ginyu when he was in Goku's body, sacrificed his safety for others like Dende & Gohan, (for real tho, Vegeta didn't see 2nd form Freeza move but Krillin was fast enough to throw Dende out of the way and sacrifice his life. Krillin saw Freeza attacking and Vegeta who is supposed to be stronger did not see Freeza move!), he was the first person to actually damage Freeza and then taunted the Emperor of the Universe, he's always there for his friends, knew better than everybody else that if the androids defeated Vegeta & Trunks then he shouldn't get involved. He saved 18 who was innocent in this timeline, helped 16, wished for the bombs out of 17 & 18 so they could live normally. Then fast forward to DBS he fought to protect his family & planet & 18 calls him "cool", he conquers his PTSD and gained new power he always had but laid dormant, he defeated someone who actually hurt 18. & there are things he's done I didn't even mention.

And ppl constantly saying Goku is a bad dad. He's waaaaaaaay better of a father compared to Vegeta if were being honest.

I guess I've seen a lot of the negative side of the fandom and its disappointing. So I'm at a point where I kinda don't care. I'll make my comics but after I'm done with what I have planned, I'm just done with DB. I won't stop drawing entirely but I won't draw any requests unless I feel like it, I won't keep up with much DB news and content. I just want to come back to Tumblr, draw Krillin fanart, draw Tobi, write some rewrites, draw Tobi's story & that's it. Ill be a part of Chestnut Fest every year tho. That is one of the greatest things to come out of my time on Tumblr & Twitter. So big thanks to @chestnutisland!

But basically I'm tired of the fandom and I still enjoy parts of it but I want to do my own thing. So I'll partially be a part of the DB fandom but not in it too deep. Look forward to what I have in store. If some of my future content isn't to your liking, hopefully you ccan find something else I've done that you'll enjoy. But its still been fun & I've enjoyed the ppl I've talked too & friends I've made.

[ask-the-guiding-light-cast]

Guiding Light turns two years old today!

It’s crazy to think this all began only a couple of years back... and also hilarious it falls on the same day as “International Mystery Dungeon Day” over on Twitter. More after the cut. This is gonna be a long one, so I appreciate anyone willing to read this. ^^

For a long time, I had been a casual consumer of fan fics. It started in the late 2000s when I was in a Spyro craze thanks to the more story-driven Legend of Spyro trilogy. I had an itch that I needed scratched and FFN fulfilled that to some extent. I also looked at some Mario fics, including Paper Mario: The Temple of the Sun, which I greatly enjoyed and thought did a good job adapting the formula that made Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door so beloved and putting a unique spin on things.

But it was until the early 2010s that I actually started getting back into Pokémon games with Gen V. After Emerald, I fell out of touch with Pokémon for a time. When Gen VI came around, I dipped my toe into the fandom through Twitch livestreams, but also through reading a few anime-based fics that are very long and still going, even now. 

At the same time, I ended up buying PMD: Explorers of Sky... and damaged my cartridge before I could properly finish the game with my Vulpix/Riolu team. So, I watched cutscenes for what I missed on YouTube, then got Gates to Infinity and, later, Super Mystery Dungeon and had fun with both of them... though more for the stories and characters than the actual gameplay. Truth be told, I don’t care much for roguelikes at all.

It was during the gap in time between Super’s release and the first official footage of Sun & Moon in mid-2016 that I found myself hit with a recurring thought: “What if someone made a PMD story where the hero and the partner are forced to fight one another with the fate of the world at stake?” I wound up (loosely) brainstorming an idea for a PMD story revolving around an antagonistic Hoopa character who would use its ring portals to collect entire communities, including the Pokémon living in them... all so that he would never be bored. This would lead him to “collect” the partner to add to his “toys,” so when the hero shows up, he’d sic the partner on them.

But that was as far as I got with the idea. I ended up graduating college and took a job with late evening hours. It left me pretty tired and exhausted and unmotivated to do much of anything. I withdrew from the parts of the Pokémon community I was involved in.

Then the Generation VII games came out and, while divisive in the fandom, I found myself really liking some of the concepts. There were so many times when I thought, “Gee, I wonder what this would be like if it were in a PMD game?” For example, one of the ideas I had was a sort of edgy rival rescue team akin to Gladion, which would have a Midnight Lycanroc, a Zoroark, and a Type: Null character in it.

So, toward the end of 2016 and early 2017, I started creating an idea for a Choose Your Own Adventure story with the intent of putting it on this really small forum I was a part of. It would be a Gen VII-themed PMD story, but because I didn’t think that sounded interesting enough, I decided that, not only would the human keep their memories, but they would be from the real world and be a major Pokémon nerd. The idea was that the choices the readers made would affect the relationship between the human and partner. I even came up with a point system. The more points the readers earned for their choices, the “closer” the relationship the hero and partner would have and the happier an ending the story would get. If the hero and partner couldn’t stand each other, one of them would likely end up working with the bad guy and winning. If they became steadfast friends, they’d work together to save the world.

Unfortunately, the forum shut down before I got too far into planning it, so I shelved the idea and continued focusing on my job. And things stayed that way for several months, until I ended up getting into med school and scrambling to move.

During the downtime I had when I wasn’t doing moving related stuff, I decided to look at FFN again and found Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Defenders of Warmth. I wound up reading through the entirety of the story quite quickly. I guess you could say it sparked something in my head. The fic itself focuses on what, at the time, was the newest Gen (Gen V). It also has multiple humans and is set on a continent separate from the canon locations (which were just the Air and Grass Continents, since Gates and Super didn’t exist when the fic was written). In short, it renewed my desire to pursue my idea of a Gen VII-flavored PMD story.

So, I set about creating my story outline. It is so... so much different from the actual story, though I’ve gone into that in previous posts (search for #amby answers). Originally, I used Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time as the framework for the fic: an alien invasion in a colorful, comedic world. I took more specific cues, too. Zero was meant to be a (mostly) silent antagonist a la Princess Shroob, for example.

The problem was, I really didn’t have much confidence in myself or my abilities. I’d like to say I was writing for myself, but I really did want validation, too. I think any author is lying to themselves if they say they don’t feel this way at some point. Because of this, I figured if I put the fic on FFN, it would get ignored. The site’s huge! There were, at the time, around 85k fics in the Pokémon section alone. (That number’s since gone up to over 90k!)

Given I had experience with forums, I decided to post it to Serebii, because the fic community seemed much smaller and more open to giving feedback to one another. In an effort to try and, y’know, establish some connections, I actually read other pieces and reviewed them before posting any stories. This also helped me build up a backlog of chapters and prove to myself I enjoyed writing this enough to keep going.

When I finally did post the fic, it was a bumpy start, for sure. I do think I made a lot of mistakes out of the gate, including uploading chapters way too quickly for readers on Serebii to (reasonably) try to keep pace. That probably cost me a few potential readers... or made them silent readers who I never ended up hearing from. Which is why I’m especially thankful to @girl-like-substance (who I can seem to tag, drat) for all of the well-thought-out feedback given throughout the fic’s run. I don’t think I would’ve made such significant strides in my writing otherwise... and there are plenty of long-running fics where the quality tends to stagnate.

In any case... it was thanks to a request from @deliriousabsol to put the fic somewhere more mobile-friendly that I chose to mirror Guiding Light on FFN starting in October 2017. I would’ve kept going on Serebii had she not asked so nicely, so she’s the one you can thank for it showing up there! (She’s a fellow author who does cyberpunk-themed fics and art and her characters have cameoed in the fic.)

And, honestly, I’m just... beyond shocked at what wound up happening to the fic once it hit FFN. Well, actually, for the first several months I was lucky if I even got a comment when I put up a chapter. I’m not sure any of the people who first commented on FFN still follow the fic anymore. I haven’t seen/heard from them at all, so I assumed they moved on with their lives.

In any case, around March of 2018, the word count on FFN passed 300k and... somehow, the fic starting getting more attention. Like, a lot more attention. This was... not really something I was even remotely prepared for.

(Yes, this means there’s gonna be a giveaway. More on that later.) I never would’ve thought I’d reach a number like this. I never imagined I’d meet another PMD author who’d be willing to do a fun collab (thanks @virgil134, Spiteful Murkrow, and Namohysip). I really did not imagine that I’d ever get fanart of characters that I wrote (huge thanks @thebreak-ofdawn, @ask-nicky-and-others, and @cresselia92). I mean, above everything, I not expect the fic or characters to resonate with anybody the way it wound up.

A part of me feels like I don’t really deserve it. I’ve made a lot of serious gaffes with writing this. When initial Serebii feedback had people intrigued by Shane’s jerkass attitude (when I didn’t actually intend for him to come off as a jerk), I dialed things up in the hopes I’d keep their attention. It probably cost me readers. Then there’s the slow pacing of the early episodes and the mistake of making Special Episode 3 as long as it was... which my speaks to my (bad) tendency to give into some of my strongest impulses even though I had an outline I was trying to stick to.

And, I mean, there’s also some of the “shamlessly shameful” stuff I’ve done with the fic. I’m not fooling myself. Guiding Light has grown progressively more furry and, uh, probably fanservicey, too. All the big furbait (and some scalebait) ‘mons are accounted for. There’s a lot more sexual humor when I initially promised myself I would stay away from romance and keep everything platonic. I practically turned Xerneas into waifu bait, if some of these asks are anything to go by. This blog certainly didn’t help in that regard. Maybe I’m just being my usual nervous self? 

I am worried that this fic’s performance has, somehow, affected my thoughts and behavior. There are very popular fic authors who let their popularity get to their head... or chose to open up Patreons (something that makes me uncomfortable) or start doing things like taking commissions for written pieces, which is understandable... though I think it’s an easy way to lose your passion for writing. I guess some of that worry stems from a debacle I learned about on a Discord server I’m in, but that’s not something I’m comfortable discussing publicly. 

And I haven’t even talked much about the blog itself. Like, it somehow passed 100 followers? Where? When? How? I don’t actually draw stuff like many other Pokéasks. And, like, for a lot of folks, I have no idea if they’ve actually read the fic or just check in on the blog. It’s the same with the fic, I suppose. If you’re a silent reader/follower, I would really love to hear from you! I promise... I don’t bite or anything. I’d love to know what (if anything) you’re thinking. And if you’re a blog that’s following this one and we haven’t interacted, please feel free to reach out! It’s honestly hard to tell if people like what I’m doing, so any feedback is always appreciated.

In any case, if I haven’t lost you by now, I guess all I can say is... thank you. Thank you all so much for all of the support... whether it’s on the fic, the blog, or both of them. I really do hope this final episode can meet your expectations. I’ll try my very best to make this an ending to remember. Nothing would make me happier than to hear you guys enjoy it and feel it does justice to the PMD series.

Sorry for all the rambling. The inbox is open again if you’d like to send any messages for the ficaversary. Again, thank you all so much! You’re the best!

[twilightvolt]

Twilight Thoughts (BEASTARS First Season Overview + General Thoughts and Feelings)

Ok, after watching the season finale (and proceeding to freak the frig out over that after credits scene), i think i’ll just talk about my overall thoughts about this first season since i picked it up back in October. think of this as my final thoughts on the series for awhile until season 2 drops. though, i don’t think i’ll be doing something like this in particular again. we’ll see.

So, this was a series that i was a tad hesitant on looking at years ago since the art style kinda deterred me a bit. but after the anime was announced, i decided that that would be the time i give it a shot. and i gotta say, i was surprised. like, i had my hopes a little high cuz of Zootopia, but i didn’t expect ANY of the crazy stuff that happened over the course of this first season. like, none of the trailers ever showed any of Haru’s uhh....naked moments or the black market stuff (aside from Gouhin) so had i known about that, i think i might’ve quickly noped outta there. but since it came to me as it happened, i was already so invested in this strange world and it’s characters that i just dealt with it and kept going. and i think that’s something i definitely needed since if imma be honest, i haven’t watched that much anime in recent years.

Yeah, i marathoned Noragami (which i loved to bits and am sad there’s no season 3) and kept up with Boruto and My Hero for awhile last year. and i liked Fire Force and Black Clover this year. but for some reason, Beastars just.....sparked something that made me eagerly anticipate it’s new episodes every week. from beginning to end, i was hooked. not one episode felt like it wasn’t necessary or like it was padding to fill out the season (and even if it was, i like these characters so much that i honestly wouldn’t mind as explained on my meme blog). the plot twists made me genuinely shocked, the goddamn cliffhangers had me at the edge of my seat excited (and in some cases, worried but in a good way) for what was to transpire in the next episode and any preconceived notions i had going into this were just thrown out the window cuz of how things turned out by the end of it. it was such a wild ride that it actually pushed me to want to read the original material. and that almost NEVER happens.

This show got me thinkin’ like a crazy shipper too what with all those cute and crazy moments between the characters (ex. literally anyone with Legoshi) and hell, i even feel like this is the one show in existence where i actually kinda feel like an OT3 is very much plausible. lmao

Like, i’m a very emotional person when it comes to consuming media. i let myself feel what’s going on no matter what i watch/play because i know that’s what the people who created these stories would want me to experience. and trust me, i’ve felt a LOT of emotions during this show. especially if anything happened to Legoshi. like, when he gets pissed, i felt worried about him. when he cries, i genuinely feel the pain he feels and wish that things would just lighten up on him for once. like, with most protagonists, i tend to end up moving to a different character cuz usually they’re just written pretty basically (Asta from Black Clover), they’re one note (Davis from Digimon 02) or they’re silent protagonists being molded by the player’s choices (the Persona protags). for example, i like Sora from Kingdom Hearts, but i luv Roxas much more because of his story and all the pain he goes through because of Sora. also Sora in KH3D was such a dumbass and i’m sdadfdfsdf

But with Legoshi, i don’t get that. i get a Roxas tier character that i want so bad to see get a happy ending. i get a protagonist that i would actually choose over the other members of the cast (even though i absolutely luv Louis, Jack and Haru as well for various reasons. hell, it’s hard to even say i hate Juno cuz despite her Rise-level attempts to get into Legoshi’s pants, she has respectable ambitions.) that grows from this socially awkward guy who’d rather keep things lowkey to this badass that would fight through a gang of lions just to show the one he cares about how much he wants be with her and to make amends for almost killing her the night they met and that just hits me in the heart in a way i am totally here for.

Now, over the course of this season’s run, i’ve been making a ton of fanart (some of which is still in the works at the time of this post) and for the first time, i’ve been liveblogging like this. i’m happy that my time in the fandom for this series, while still growing, has so far been a very welcoming experience. everyone i’ve met so far has been encouraging of my content and, coming from fandoms like Digimon where i’ve kinda been scarred by Deviantart discourse, it’s really brought up my spirits. like, i know a lot of you probably don’t like and/or care about reading these walls of text, but i appreciate anyone who does take the time to hear me ramble about this strange gem of a show. hell, me talking and drawing about it has gotten a few of my friends to watch it and honestly, i’m glad. i would totally love more people to talk about it cuz Beastars deserves to be talked about. under all those slightly sexual undertones lies some of the best writing i’ve seen in awhile and i can’t wait for season 2 to continue this story.

And after all this, i just wanted to thank you for reading up to this point. again, this’ll probably be the last liveblog for awhile, but i definitely won’t stop drawing stuff for this series. for those who only follow me for my Beastars stuff, i hope you’ve had a happy holidays and i hope you have a happy new year as well.

See you again! ^  ^

[damnedrainbows]

Goodbye 2018, Welcome 2019

This year, as they’ve all been for years, started out as hell. Newly diagnosed with fibromyalgia I lost the ability to draw for quite some time as the nerves in my hands hurt too much to allow me. I was constantly bedridden from both fibromyalgia and my endometriosis. It was hell, I didn’t want to live and often still don’t.

Then I finally started a treatment which actually helped with pain. I got back into drawing and through one of my closest friends @partcfyouruniverse I found purpose through all the freelancing work I did for her. I started commissions and soon had so much I felt like a full time professional artist. It was amazing.

August 29 I went through my second huge hurtle when I had my total hysterectomy. With pain I’m still recovering from I was left with very little to do. Then, I made this blog.

Through all my role play blogs, I’ve never felt so happy and comfortable as I do here. I’ve made so many friends, but beyond that I have such a genuine following. Even with my Steven Universe blog clocking in at almost 1500 followers I’ve never been so interactive with my followers than I am here. I have anons and blogs that not only want to interact with my character, but myself. People that want to know more about me and how I’ve been. People that care and love my portrayals.

I’ve gotten fanart, a fucking animatic based on a thread, I’ve gotten VIV herself like my art like 3 times, and even my OC! I never imagined so many people would adore Allette but it’s just been. Amazing.

It’s just been so warmly welcoming and I can’t wait to see what 2019 brings for this show!

I love all of you and I have so many words for all of you, but I don’t want to go crazy so I’ll just say a few words (a few. lmao like Jordan can say ‘a few’)

@dcadlyson @partcfyouruniverse - You give me reason to keep going, Ally. With your commissions you buy from me you remind me that I am a good artist and somehow I can succeed even if it’s in a different way than I thought. You’re one of the sweetest and most selfless people that I know and I love you so much.

@hellboundgentlemen - Mari you’re just incredible. So fun to talk to and theorize with. You really, really breathe life into the characters you write, fleshing them out more than Iv’e ever seen. It’s truly admirable and I look forward to seeing what you cook up next!

@caenis-doceri and @thediamondofblue - you two are two of my closest friends. I never imagined when I met you Eric I would meet a kindred spirit that knew what I was going through. And you Ash, I never imagined I would meet someone so. Kind. So loving of others, so generous with your time, compassion, and even funds. I can’t wait to see you both this spring, and meet, and hug finally. I can’t wait!

@elkfeast / @charmange - What can be said that I haven’t already said? You’re one of my closest friends, crossed over from so many fandoms at this point. Your writing is amazing, talking to you is just as fun and you just add such a unique and amazing spin to your muses! Your Al was the first I interacted with and boy does he creep me out. I loved reading threads with him and now I love reading threads with Charlie.Whether I’m in them or watching them, seeing your writing is just great. Your characterization is goals and don’t let anyone get you down. Keep your chin up, scoff at anons, and remember you’re incredible <3

@rxdioxdemxn - Echo you are my bae, one of my main Alastors and you’re so fun to chill with ooc, and especially our rabbit streams! Charlie couldn’t ask for a better husband and Allette a better Father!

@ask-theradiodemon - Jordan, you’re just one of the kindest people. You and Jade are the first to message if something is wrong, first to greet me on Discord. You and Jade are just the cutest together and I hope I’ll see your relationship continue to prosper

@jadeblassare - Jade you’re just...so cute? So sweet? When Jordan said his girlfriend wanted to get to know me I jumped at the the chance and I’m so glad I did! I love our rps and I’m glad I’ve dragged you down into ship hell. ;p You pick up every character you play so easily and you’ve made me smile so much ooc with how genuinely caring you are. What can I say, Jordan picked well ;p

@lilithmagne and @hellsaurelius - Honestly?? You two are just a package deal now. Can’t have one without the other. AC and Marz, you’re just amazing? Reading your interactions is like watching a movie unfold. It’s so poetic and beautiful, even the saddest scenes. Your writing baffles me it’s so good and I will accept nothing but your portrayals as canon. Also AC, your art is just. Goals man.

@xkuraixkokorox - I just love our Charlie and Pen interactions so much. He’s such a good snake grandpa and I love the way you play every villain on your blog. You’re also very kind and I can’t wait to see what we write next!

@smiilingdccr - We just met like a week or so ago--officially anyway. Your main followed me for a while lmao. YOU’RE JUST SO FUN AND EASY TO TALK TO? And your Al, goals man. I love our Charlastor threads, and the weirdness of some of them. I love your ART man. You just rock Peri.

@staytun3dfolks - Mouthy you’re another friend from another fandom! I loved your Black Hat but damn I gotta say I love your Al even more. He’s terrifying but charming and the way you write him is so gloriously sinister. I love our dark Charlastor and I love reading your writing.

@vortship - I know you doubt yourself a lot but you’re incredible, Meg. As a person and a writer. Hal is so amazingly fleshed out she doesn’t feel like an oc so much, but a breathing person. We’ve been friends for a while and you deserve way more love than you get for both yourself and your amazing OC.

@kinkybccts - GLITTER OUR GROSS GAY BOIS ARE FANTASTIC. I love writing with you and shitposting. We’ve unknowingly been friends for a while from su and as with Garnet you breathe so much life into Angel! I love his and Al’s interactions and big brother spider for Charlie. It’s just amazing!

@japariguide - YOU’RE JUST STRAIGHT UP PROOF THAT YOU CAN MAKE FRIENDS BY SENDING CHICKENS! You’re so sweet and Kaban is just da rling.

@blackstardiopside - Neem, you and I have been friends for like 100 years as well. And like with vortship’s Hal, Blackstar is just an incredible OC. She doesn’t feel like an oc so much as just part of the show. I almost watch episodes now expecting to see her in canon because she just feels so canon. You yourself are sweet and adorable and so fun to have in my life.

@happilyhellish - Fara you straight up know the Smash Brother’s pain are so fun to interact with ooc and ic. I love your Charlie and her and Al’s romantic tension and I love the friendship we’re developing with Pen. You have such a great take on your muse and you’re just so nice!

@zimvasion - ANOTHER LONG TIME FRIEND, our IZ interactions are just incredible and the ones here are amazing too. You’ve been there rom the very beginning and you’re just such an amazing writer and friend.

@mochimuses - MYKKIE YOU ARE STILL...just a fucking meme, man. ideK with you half the time, but you’re just. amazing and hilarious. Our gays are the best gays and you’re just....so strange and wonderful. My meme friend.

@happy-hotel - RONNIE you have so many blogs. You have a problem. Ronnie I just love you. I still can’t believe how easily we got along, to the point where it felt like we were already long time friends, chatting it up on video chat in like the first day as friends. Every muse you play you NAIL, and you play Chalastor so amazingly. I’m boggled by your writing and convinced there’s not a single muse you can’t nail.

OKAY MY HANDS HURT! HERES MORE PEOPLE I ADORE BUT YOU KNOW I ADORE YOU ALL! JUST TOP OF MY HEAD:

@princesscfredemption @flimsytunesandjazz @killerbroadcast @demonicradiohost @hell-of-a-princess @blackhxt @smellslikejustice @deerlisteners @huskofachance @gamblxrhxsk @gvmelost @madmonarch @magncroyal @devilswinging @deerlisteners @thegreatesstinventor @coldlycrimson @coronabane @cheeryhell @cherri-bxmb @chxrrxbombed @slitheringtrxhxrd @sluttyspiider @triangularus @omnituent @heinoushangar @itsyourbestnightmare @dapperishly @suoitnep

AND SO MANY MORE! TO THIS YEAR AND MORE TO COME I LOVE YOU ALL!!