#the thing I believe them most guilty of is thinking that they’re in control always and can go through these scams with a clean conscious

[frogthane]

You know what, I’m just going to finally release some pent up emotions I’ve harboured since finishing season 3 of Heartstopper. That season did a significant number on my mental health, had me rethinking some things about my sexuality as well (thank you Isaaccc), but I in no way regret watching it. It absolutely obliterated me, as I haven’t read the comics yet while I wait for the final one to be released so I was WILDLY unprepared, but it was healing.

So many characters’ backstories were fleshed out. No longer is Heartstopper just a cutesy comfort show, it’s a cutesy, heartbreaking, comfort show 😊. I had noticed the signs when it came to Charlie since season 1 when he put aside his meal in the art room after finding out Nick had been in a fight “because of him”. Charlie has always been the most relatable character to me, and I continue to cry every time I see him onscreen, portraying the exact turmoil I encounter every day. His reassurances that he’s simply unhungry, the desperate need to control something despite it truly taking control of you in your most intense moments, the aggression towards those who are simply trying to help, the annoyance of always being told to just eat. The relapses that occur in an instant, hardly ever feeling like a mistake in the moment. Worrying about only ever being seen as broken, all the whole desperately needing a circle of support. It triggered some things I thought I was finally healing from, but I was mistaken. I continue to struggle every day with the precise issues Charlie has, and while it’s tiring and overwhelming, seeing someone in media react just the same as I do had me uncontrollably sobbing throughout the season, all the while being eternally grateful that he made it through.

Now Nick. Dear, sweet, baby Nick. Sure, he may not have problems that require hospitalization, but he needs help. Throughout the show, he has only ever been depicted as a dependable, supportive, unwavering presence. No one really noticed the bubbling fear that arose from all those occasions of being the sole person to turn to when in reality, he needed someone like himself. The third season, he luckily discovered that for himself. He has a loving aunt who can help guide him through the process of Charlie’s recovery, friends near home that he never imagined he could learn to lean on — Tao when he just needed to escape from the party, Tara when he felt guilty for needing help while Charlie’s struggles seemed so much more important, the others when he just needed a few friendly faces — and Tori, both grieving a person they thought they knew. Now, with others’ support, he’s able to be there for Charlie in a way he never could before, all the while figuring out who he is as an individual.

Tori always breaks my heart. She may seem lonely, but she believes all she needs in the world is her brother, who is slowly slipping away despite her best efforts to protect him. And while there is nothing wrong with wanting few relationships, and if you are truly happy with just your family members, then who are we to judge? But she wants more than that, and I’m happy that despite everything she’s been through, she’s able to form a new attachment this season, even if she herself is unsure of what kind it will evolve to.

Everyone struggles this season. While we might have once perceived the Paris squad as being happy, truth is, we all have issues (although thank you for alleviating some of that Mr Ajayi and Mr Farouk, y’all aren’t the best at being a secret, but we all think you’re adorableee). Isaac realizes he’s aroace and feels comfortable in his decision to let his friends know and focus on them, but they’re all busy now and so many of his friends suddenly wish to concentrate solely on their love lives. Darcy breaks free from her homophobic household, but must find out whether she’s willing to cut all ties. Tara experiences intense anxiety that’s amplified by those she cares most about. Tao learns how to be a supportive friend and heal from his abandonment trauma, while Elle fights to be seen as an individual and not just “some trans girl against society”. Imogen painfully realizes society pressured her to find a boyfriend before discovering who exactly it is she likes. Sahar… well, she’s actually kind of chilling, but still getting over her crush on Imogen and opening her heart.

Long story short, my heart ached for each and every character going through hell and back this last season, I love their development, and I look forward to season 4 despite being fully aware I am about to be decimated. Thank you Alice Oseman!!

[b3achysurfur]

ok so I don’t believe Aiden is dead. there’s a lot of reasoning behind why I think this, but it’s very vauge because all my theories lead down two separate paths.

SBG CHAPTER 60 SPOILERS AHEAD

idk if y’all noticed the computer like affect around this scene but it only happens three times. All of which are in Ashlyn’s perspective of the incident.

in the second photo, the computer like fliter only appears on ashylns face, the view of Aiden is mostly clear.

I have a lot of questions, and I haven’t picked a theory/explaintion for sure yet, but one of my ideas are that it’s Ashlyn’s fear completely taking over here. We already knew from the beginning of sbg that ashyln often doubts what she sees, as if she doesn’t trust her eyes to tell the truth. we’ve seen her make up excuses and fake scenarios to cope with her reality and things she’s doesn’t understand. This is not her fault though, as we’ve seen it links back to her childhood.

She can often times be pessimistic about situations, always readying for the worst situation to happen as if it’s the only way things could go down. This also relates to her childhood.

Given these two facts, as well as the disorienting fliter over Aiden’s body and her facial expressions, i think it’s safe to assume that Aiden’s injuries are not as life threatening as they appear to be. Yes, I know a ceiling fell on him, I’m not saying he’s not badly injuried. But I don’t think it will provoke a reaction in his real-world body as it did for Tyler, or at least not one as serious.

this side of his face is almost completely fine, minus a few bruises (given some are from the car crash). although, since it’s a head injury, it only takes one side of his head to be damaged for it to be life threatening. But the biggest impact is to his jaw/cheek, not necessarily his skull.

also, the computer-like fliter goes away as soon as another person is thrown into the equation. The streaks return to their normal color of white, and the werid glitch affect on them disappear.

see how the streaks start glitching as soon as ashlyn notices Aiden’s in deathly trouble? Almost as if it’s not real/something is off. We’ve never seen these glitches before (trust me I pay attention to these things).

anyways back to the image before this where Taylor grabs Aiden. The fliter is gone, and ashlyn snaps back into reality with the help of Taylor and her instructions. Taylor’s reaction is to immediately get Aiden under something safe. This part gets a little messy since we don’t have any scenes after this to show which explaintion makes more sense but wtv. Either Taylor is full of adrenaline and is in full protection mode, which is why she doesn’t hesitate to drag Aiden to safety, or she’s aware that his injuries aren’t as bad as Tyler’s / they’re not life threatening. A blow to the face will 9/10 knock you unconscious, regardless of how powerful the hit was. Taylor may have assumed that’s what had happened to Aiden, and she didn’t have time to second guess herself. She is done letting things harm her brother and friends. Anyways, her stepping into action grounds ashlyn and pulls her back to reality.

Also, this scene looks familiar doesn’t it? In the second image, the group was unable to control their emotions and were acting on pure adrenaline and feeling. Ashlyn is obviously experiencing a strong mix of fear, stress, and past trauma. If these two images are comparable, ashlyn mentally assuming/seeing the worst of the situation is not unusual.

Basically, I feel this event is exaggerated because ashyln is trying to cope with the situation. Understand that she is blaming herself for everything right now. Tyler flew out of the car just yesterday. She found him on tree just a few hours ago. She was the one who sedated him. She pulled him off the tree. She saw everything first hand, she felt the most guilty/responsible. Ashlyn has always been the one emphasizing how dangerous their situation is, but to finally see it happen right before your eyes is traumatic.

Aiden has been her main source of comfort since day 1, ashlyn has a soft spot for Aiden. He is her rock of support. So, after seeing Tyler’s ‘death’ and the affect it had on him irl, it’s not crazy to believe she is exaggerating watching Aiden ‘die’. It also makes sense because she’s watching it happen right before her eyes, while she only saw the aftermath of Tyler’s ‘death’. Ashlyn convinced herself Aiden died because she’s not in the right headspace / not mature enough to process it properly. None of them are.

I know a lot of people are speculating that the glitching effect + fliter is them shifting back into their reality since ashlyn said they only had 3 mins left, but I disagree. Lmk if that explaintion would intrest you lot.

again this is all just speculation that is quite underdeveloped. I just wanted to share it before I lost my train of thought. thank u for reading 😋

[bibuckaroo]

you’re eren jeager. you’re eight years old and trapped inside walls your entire life and hate every second of it and then your best (and only) friend shows you there’s a possibility of more, of the outside world, of freedom. you're nine years old and you just killed someone for the first time because what they were doing was wrong and as much you like to pretend it didn't affect you because they were just filthy animals, you still get nightmares about it. you're ten years old and you dream of joining the scouting legion so you can finally see the outside world because they represent freedom for you due to their symbol, but oh the titans just broke down the walls and your mom got eaten right in front of you and suddenly it's much bigger than that, it's not just a dream, it's a goal, so you can get rid of every last one of them. you’re twelve years old and people keep on telling you, you’re not gonna make it, you won’t last in the military and you’ll never achieve your goal, and you prove them wrong, every. single. time. you’re fifteen years old and you finally made it, but you wake up and there are a thousand guns pointed at you and the two people you love most in the world are standing between you and danger (as always, and you hate yourself and you feel so guilty and you feel so useless) and they’re asking you if you’re human or a titan and that makes absolutely no sense, because of course you’re human but that does not matter. you get hated on, you are experimented on, you get tortured and through all of this, you push forward because you believe you’re making a difference and you’re helping humanity survive and if you’re suffering through all of this? it’s okay, because you deserve it, i mean, look at how many people die so you can live, look how many times your friends get put into dangerous situations, look at how mikasa and armin’s lives keep on getting shittier because they continue to care about you and through all of this, people treat you as humanity’s hope or as a weapon, but never as a person, because that’s not what you are for them and they keep on saying that if you want to save anybody and make a difference, you have to learn how to control your powers and how to make sacrifices, to let go of your humanity in order to do it. you’re sixteen years old and you know everything you’re going to do, and you want to tell it to the people you trust but you don’t want to burden them with that knowledge because they already have enough on their plate as it is. you’re eighteen years old and you tried to change the outcome from the things you’ve seen multiple times, but every single time you fail because every decision has already been made for you and you’re helpless to do anything but watch, you try to find a different solution, however everything you think of, brings about the doom for your people. you’re nineteen years old and you abandoned everything you cared about in order to reach your goal, everybody hates you, but not as much as you hate yourself, but it’s okay because at least (most of) the people you love will be safe and you will die by the hands of the woman you love, it’s more than you deserve because now you truly are the devil they’ve always accused you of being. and in the end the boy who longed for freedom, was the most entrapped of them all.

[overtsexting]

Hey can you tell us your headcanons for Kaze and Saizo?

Oh oops i totally forgot to answer this 😭

under a cut! i ramble

Hmmm, to me they are very much about separation and longing. Their father dies, and then Kaze watches his brother leave for a long time. When he comes back, he’s different, both in that he’s lost an eye and in his personality. I don’t imagine they were the closest of siblings when they were small, since they both have somewhat reserved personalities, but any closeness they did have is completely gone at this point. There’s an invisible chasm separating them. Kaze watches him, and there’s so much he wonders about, so much he wants to ask, so much pain that he can see but can’t share in. But he’s silent.

And obviously this goes two paths. In one, the rift between them is so big he cannot fathom how to reach across it. And one day he runs into the person who saved him before, that crazy person controlling the most bloodthirsty army in the world, who managed to take a fortress without killing a single soul. If his relationship with his brother were better, I think he would hesitate more at this point. But as things stand, he believes their quiet, awkward relationship to be unmendable. So he deserts from his homeland, never to fight alongside his brother again. Meeting him on the battlefield is devastating, and meeting him again in mokushu is likely even worse. Conquest!Kaze will likely always be saddled with guilt, and a longing for “what could have been.”

Alternatively, he does reach out. They do reconnect, Saizo does share with him what happened. He vows to shoulder the burden of their father’s death together. And suddenly, they’re…close? Not in the way the siblings of the royal family are close, but in their own way. They talk now sometimes, they spar, and the silences between them are no longer awkward or filled with unvoiced questions. I imagine Kaze doesn’t know what to do with this—he spent so long wishing things could go back to “normal,” like before their father died, but he never truly imagined what that would look like. The most confusing part is that the longing doesn’t leave. Before, he longed to reach out to him. But now that he has reached out, what exactly is he longing for? Why does it feel like there's something missing, like he wants something?

if you’re looking for something more like soft shippy headcanons rather than just… overview of their relationship, i’ll try hehe

I think they’re very soft. Their love language is one of touch, not so much words. Kaze can comfort Saizo much better with a hand on his cheek than with words of comfort. Also, once they’ve reconnected, they can say a lot to each other with just a glance.

Since their relationship is so natural, so quiet, I think they do a Very good job of hiding it. Saizo is probably pretty guilty about hiding it from Ryoma though, so they might tell him at some point.

Saizo gets Very jealous of all the girls who randomly shower Kaze with presents. Kaze tries to remind him that this has always happened, and it’s never worked on him, but Saizo won’t listen. In his jealousy he starts trying to buy Kaze better gifts, but he’s not actually all that good at it. Kaze however absolutely treasures the silly things Saizo gives him. He finds the jealousy kind of endearing.

When Saizo has clearly had a rough day, Kaze greets him by wordlessly removing his mask and giving him a kiss. I wrote a drabble like this

Saizo can actually be pretty handsy and possessive when they’re alone. Especially if he’s seen a lot of girls eyeing Kaze—girls Kaze probably didn’t even notice.

that is all i can think of for now!! enjoy the saizokaze

[plutobutartsy]

What songs make you think of briar, nate, and Evie?

ohhh that's a great question!! i narrowed it down to 3 each but they're all fairly angsty, my bad 😭

also this ended up bein a lot longer than i intended fcf

Briar

Are You Satisfied? by Marina

[High achiever, don't you see? / Baby, nothing comes for free / They say I'm a control freak / Driven by a greed to succeed || It's my problem, it's my problem if I feel the need to hide / And it's my problem if I have no friends and feel I want to die]

this one is pretty self-explanatory; he's an overachiever and a perfectionist and pushes people away so 1. they don't see his flaws and 2. he can focus on becoming the best™

ILYIS pt. 2 by Mel Bryant & The Mercy Makers

[I love you, you're so selfless / I'm sorry, I'm so selfish / I love that you're so gentle / And I'm sorry I'm so hellish]

the best way to push people away is to mistreat them in some way, shape or form and Briar knows this. unfortunately, that doesn't stop him from feeling incredibly guilty about it. and then he feels guilty about feeling guilty because he chose this, so he has no right to be unhappy about it, right?

Alien Blues by Vundabar

[I need to purge my urges, / Shame, shame, shame / I need an alibi to justify, / Somebody to blame]

this one applies in two ways. for one, it's very much about his eating disorder and the shame he feels around his need to feed. but it's also about how he hides who he really is in order to project this image of perfection.

Nate

Oh Klahoma by Jack Stauber

[Tears falling down at the party / Saddest little baby in the room / Fears, tell me fears, don't get me started / I get a little grey hair for every scare you share]

allthough they wear this cheery mask, if you look closely enough you can see that Nate is pretty much always sad. no matter how many people he has around him, he's always the saddest and most lonely person in the room! :D

Fifteen Minutes by Mike Krol

[What if I told you that the world was gonna end / And you had fifteen minutes to spend with me or your friends? / I guess we don't even need to use the phone / I don't need your answer, I'll be spending it alone]

since he does his best to shut off all of his feelings, all his relationships are veryyy surface-level. Nate is convinced that they'll never be anybody's favourite person or first choice.

i'm your man by mitski

[So, when you leave me, I should die / I deserve it, don't I? || One day, you'll figure me out / I'll meet judgement by the hounds || You believe me like a god / I betray you like a man]

oh he feels so so guilty for this fake persona he's putting on. they think they're unlovable (like their father) and like they're deceiving everybody atound them, tricking them into liking him.

also dog mention 🐺🐺🐺

Evie

Shame by mitski

[I never was very good / I haven’t been so good / But right outside the door nobody knows / They’re right outside the door and they don’t know how it / Feels so good] alright, so i've already established that Evie feels a lot of shame surrounding, well, everything. she feels like she's just so incredibly average at everything she does, no matter how hard she tries. she also feels incredibly guilty and ashamed over how she knocks others down to climb the social latter. the last two verses relate to her specifically in regards to her self harm :).

summer depression by girl in red

[Pretty face with pretty bad dreams / No one knows I cry in my sleep / Waking up feeling like shit / It's a normal thing to feel like this]

honestly, this whole song is Evie all year around but summer is similar to her birthday in the sense that she's painfully aware that she should be doing things with her friends like other people her age, except she has no friends. additionally, she does everything in her power to keep her depression from her family because she thinks she's "not sick enough". she's convinced herself that feeling awful 24/7 is normal, that everyone feels like this and she's just being a crybaby about it! yay :3

Lovefuck by Dream Nails

[You'll love and fuck / You'll love and fuck and love again / Your world is growing bigger every day / I know you don't believe me]

ending this on a hopeful note! this is very much Evie once her mental health gets better and she realizes that life isn't so bad and that she still has all the time in the world to find happiness :D

[bvannn]

Weekly Update January 26, 2024

I am still very sick. I just took my second increased dose of the medicine, hoping it will help. Whatever stomach issue I was having a bit ago appears to have returned as well, or it could be more side effects from the surgery. Or something else. I don’t know. I tried fasting on Wednesday and felt physically better but also guilty, and I don’t want to keep doing it because I know it’s dangerous. I’m still a healthy weight for my height so I can probably get away with doing it like, once a week, but I don’t want to accidentally lose too much weight either because I’m already a 22 year old adult who buys clothes in the kids section I don’t need to be any smaller. I’ll figure it out, I’m trying to focus what I am eating on fruits and nuts, hoping it’ll detox me a bit.

I did a couple drawings this week. Kinda. The one I posted was actually sketched back before the surgery I just hadn’t digitized it yet. I only posted the one drawing because I want to hold on to the other for a bit because it’s part of that epithet prompt set I made. I’m fully not expecting to do every one of those prompts, but I figured hey since I missed a few I can do a batch of the missed prompts and release them at once. I sketched the one for this week and planned on finishing it on Wednesday but I got sick again. Once I’m feeling better I’ll try to focus more on drawings. I think I gotta scrap the big animation project I was working on due to circumstances beyond my control, which sucks but theoretically I can try other animation things too. I’ve been sitting on an idea for a short Detective Conan animation, maybe I’ll do that. Or maybe I’ll stay sick. Idk. I kinda want to figure out how I would animate Shaun, since he’s a ghost so I’d have to deal with both transparency and glow effects, plus certain aspects of his design that were meant to be more flowy, like his shirt-tail-thing. I could poke after effects again but it seems a lot more tedious than I had hoped.

I did review over comic stuff this week too, although I haven’t made any progress since I really started getting the surgery after effects. I like how it’s flowing for the most part, but I’m probably going to have to do second drafts of a few pages. Kinda sucks that everything feels so rushed, since I want to fit the whole introductory chapter into ~32 pages, which I’m totally able to do but I have to hold off on some little dialogue exposition conversations that I think people would like. Any story with ghosts is going to have people wanting to fully understand how the ghosts physically work, especially when it becomes relevant, but some of that can be put off until later because character moments are more important. Whatever, I can always keep going.

I feel super bad about not being able to do anything but I’m still so screwed up. I want to take another stab at music, and maybe I will, but I need to sit upright to play piano which screws with my stomach, and in order to pick out VSTs I want on a song I need to be able to have a midi that resembles what the final will sound like and I need to be in the headspace to listen to music without going into sensory overload. I’m pretty sure all of this is sleep related, I have the weekend to hopefully catch up on sleep, but I need to do some homework as well. And I need to stop waking up in the middle of the night. I’m afraid to double dose on sleep medicine because even though I know it’s safe after 6 or so hours, I don’t want to be reliant on sleep medicine because that’s how Michael Jackson died. Might have to wait for my surgery bs to subside before I can try to detox though.

I don’t know what to do with myself right now. I feel awful, I feel like my insides are rotting, but I know they’re not since I’m not in pain from it (or at least not enough pain to really believe that). Plus surgeon looked at me before I moved back to Uni and seemed really impressed with how quickly I was healing. Even though I probably disobeyed her ‘don’t lift more than 20 pounds’ rule. Like a lot. I did feel better this week than I did last, so I’m hoping I can bounce back pretty quick. I’ll give it another week or two before I ask my primary if I need another medicine. I’m hesitant right now because both she and the surgeon seemed to agree beforehand that I wouldn’t, and I want to trust them. I don’t know. Time providing I’ll try to do more drawings this week.

[rianafying]

was away from my phone for a day and it feels like i haven’t been on tumblr in ages.

it’s 2am rn, raining heavily, im enjoying this a lot. but i can’t help but feel overwhelmed by all the tasks that await me. just always, generally, in life. they’re not difficult to people, but they’re near impossible to me. i feel very scared very often. stability feels foreign and instability feels awful. cried a lot at the protest today, i can’t do protests they’re emotionally just too much for me. i’ve been daydreaming about falling in love. nobody in my mind, just generally, the idea of love. which is good i guess? it’s healthy to want it. i’m not as damaged as i had feared. but i really need to get a little more control over my life. drinking tea really helps with the nerves. gives me clarity. shuts down most of the chaos in my head makes it so that i can follow and complete one train of thought at a time. feels like a miracle drug but it’s just plain black tea, the cheapest most generic one i could find. crazy i know. i’ve been rewatching bridgerton. i really do love the show. and i have the fattest crush on jonathan bailey. embarrassing i know. it’s my guilty pleasure show. found some good music lately. new stuff. on repeat. added to my coming of age summer playlist. the age being 24. i can’t believe im going to be 24 soon and im so proud of myself not for anything i’ve achieved but instead for starting to let go of my obsession with achievement. there’s no good reason to torture oneself over never finding enough success under the horrible system that is capitalism. nothing is ever enough. makes me think of dc, when he said if you can, take my hand, i promise you’ll find love again, love again. very unrelated but also extremely related to my current situation. not soon though. i really hope it’s not soon. i’m enjoying my solitude. i swear the next time i do this whole love thing it’s going to be so different from anything i have ever experienced before. if there even is a next time. only time shall tell. i think time is the only thing can can be told and do the telling. i might be wrong, there might be a hundred other things. but. back to life as i know it today, i should sleep. i should shower then i should apply my medicine then i should sleep. i should also drink water. very very important. crazy how so much work is essential for the body to keep on living. and how it lets you know very aggressively when it has not had enough. food, sleep, movement, sun, medicine, and the list goes on. there’s so much stuff i need to throw out. so many people whose messages i have to reply to. i often forget because 90% of texting is just formality and roughly 10% is actual information exchange. i don’t think i’ve ever truly been missed by someone. my friends always say they miss me. i miss them dearly, but i can’t imagine being missed. like to think that they felt my absence and “missed” “me”. what a crazy world and what a lucky girl i am. at least in this regard. i wonder why hank and john have not spoken up about palestine. i wonder how anyone i have ever respected could stay silent while witnessing cruelty of this level. i’m not even a sjw or a particularly passionate activist. i don’t normally feel like everyone needs to care about something. but this? this is just. beyond. just beyond. everything. i worshipped hank and john. they taught me almost everything i know and i never thought i could ever be let down by them. yet here i am. learned my lesson about worshipping people. but what about god? god is so much worse, like asfsgshdjdkdldlflkkkl. it’s nearly 3am. i always do this. i always stay up too late the night before an important gig. it’s the over thinking that keeps me from peace. i’ll take some stevia w me to the studio so i can make my tea when im there! my brain.

i hope i don’t have to move back to bangladesh, because it is terrible over there. especially now that im seeing all the election season atrocities. i dont know what will happen in my life but i know that im trying my best. i’m always trying to prove myself, but to whom? who am i trying to answer to? pobody’s nerfect, i need to take it easy. goodnight for now.

[ina-nis]

I feel like one of the fundamentals of my relationship issues (and the bane of my existence) is breadcrumbing, aka being fed crumbs of attention and affection.

I didn’t know there was an actual term for the phenomenon but apparently this is, indeed, a thing, and I should say I’m a little bit surprised about the fact that I’m also guilty of doing that to others.

Mayhaps, I try to flaunt myself, as if I’m immune to certain behaviours and actions that hurt me so, of course, I would not want to do that to others, but a lot of my defenses are mirrors: I’ll do these things even if I don’t realize.

When I “breadcrumb” others, I believe, it might be my way of keeping these relationships and connections superficial and lighthearted. When shit hits the fan, I’ll be “safe” from further harm (and believe others are safer too, since nothing too profound was established in the first place). That’s why I am capable of cutting off bonds with ease, and why it doesn’t feel as painful, and it’s almost as there were no real links, even if they were there at some point.

I believe that makes me untrustworthy, and unreliable, just like the wind - which one can’t control - or like a ghost or apparition. I can be fun and lovely to have around, I can inspire and lift others up, I try to be friendly and a safe space, and it all might look like a facade, not totally false, neither totally true. If you give me the right amount of triggers and discomfort, I’ll vanish like smoke. It just takes a while for that to happen usually.

I used to think I have a low tolerance for a lot of interpersonal issues, but the truth is that I’m extremely resilient. I take it and take it, for too long even. I try because I know that’s what one should do. I give chances and I guess I try to communicate to the best of my ability. But I’m not at a place where I’ll just stay passively waiting for things and people to change. It’s hard for people to change and they will not change for others so... if something, or someone, isn’t good for me, I’ll simply leave. Conflict resolution can only do so much.

Of course, I could try harder. Of course I should work more on desensitizing myself and my triggers or... I could dedicate my energy and time to things and people that will make me feel good - they’re out there, I don’t have to put up with bullshit, and I will not.

I withhold deep affection because, well as much as I’d love to deny it forever, I’m afraid of (the inevitable) rejection. Like I’ve been saying for over an year now, I still haven’t had any positive experiences to balance out the bad and traumatic ones, I still didn’t have anything long lasting enough that could tilt the scales and aid me into a less turbulent recovery. Instead, I just feel stuck, and bad things keep on happening.

On the other side, when I’m on the receiving end of crumbs of attention, it immediately make my alarms go off. I try to not hold it against people, nor blame or judge, I know it can be hard, all things considered. At the same time, I know my worth and I’m not going to bow down to eat crumbs off the floor like a dog, no thanks!

This time, it’s others that feel untrustworthy and unreliable - most of them are in my eyes - and I rarely get a chance, or rather I haven’t had any chances, to be proven wrong.

So in these interpersonal “games”, where it feels like someone has to concede, I feel like that someone is almost always me, and it always ends up poorly for me. One-sided things never really work for long anyway. It’s hard to trust my bowing down and trying to appease will bear any fruits.

So far, I’ve been right in thinking it will go wrong. It’s more a matter of how much I’m willing to put up with and for how long.

It’s hard to change this mindset on my own, it’s hard to give people a chance because they are people through and through, it’s hard to remain hopeful about someone different being out there, but I guess I am because I feel like I’m someone like that myself - I’m not perfect, far from that, but I’m making an effort however I can.

I’m not expecting perfection, I’m not expecting The One... I’d like, at least, reciprocity and proper communication, for a start. To me, that’s the bare minimum.

[charmixpower]

Was rewatching secret of the lost kingdom on my friends huge tv after like 8 years and honestly there is so many rivusa crumbs I never noticed and that just heals my inner child🤪 like there’s the scene where after they rescues the boys from the rock eagle and she just runs and straddles him like pls they are too cute and theres also the part where after he wakes up at alfea where she hugs his arm after she sees he’s ok😭 just fits with my hc and the season 2 finale the Musa loves to hug rivens forearms and biceps🥺 omg after they manage to free domino right and blooms family is having a reunion, and Musa just grabs rivens hand after seeing them reunite😭 there’s also the part during the transition zoom out before the royal ball where everyone is clapping EXCEPT rivusa Bcs they’re in their own little world and she just looks up at him and he looks down at her and smiles while he wraps his free hand around her waist (would have never noticed this if it weren’t for the big screen)😭 then during the royal ball scene at the end after sky “proposes” to bloom and it shows the shot of the rest of the girls and guys (including nabu which like ??? Where was the man throughout the movie) riven just wraps his arms around her waist😭 I know it’s probably not that deep but to me every moment after the stabbing part is just their offscreen reconciliation we were robbed off Bcs I would love nothing more than to have seen smth of them talking out what happened and stuff (and worst part is I can’t find any fanfics of it too🤡) and also the fact that she basically got impaled and there was never any injury always bothered me (ik u had a drawing of matching scars from these 2 idiots sacrifices and honestly I like to hc that riven likes to kiss that scar Bcs it’s technically his doing but oh well kids show things🤪) like I like to think that him holding her waist is kinda like a protective instinct and a subconscious act Bcs of guilt of smtb from his actions

All in all secret of the lost kingdom has so Many whacky plot holes and yet movie rivusa always serves everything. The cuteness the angst (like stabbing ur loved one Bcs you weren’t in control of your own actions and Bcs they wanted to protect the innocent party?? Peak angst) and the small moments. I just believe that in movies: rivusa is always superior

Rewatching Winx movies is self care

Ah YESSSS!!! their so so so so so cute!!!!

I love how these two are like *holds each other* *grabs each other* *wraps around each other*, like.... physical touch love language represent, their so affectionate and adorable

Them being in their own world is YES

Nfkskfjejdkekejeje

If it makes you feel any better if you go though my Winx secret of the Lost Kingdom tag you'll see me yelling about the fall out in—NFKSKDJS YEAH SAME!! Riven is super affectionate to Musa's scar because he feels it his fault and he's trying to make it better in some small way, and Musa is super affectionate to Riven's scar because if it wasn't for him she'd quite literally be dead and it's the physical representation of his dedication and love for her and OH MY GOD I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS FOREVER

Yesssss I feel like Riven actually managed to fight off the body puppeting spell for a while, matching how Riven broke out of a spell to save Musa in s2, but he couldn't hold on long and Musa was using the fact that he didn't want to hurt her to stop Matorgora form using him. Basically putting Riven into a situation where he has to fight as hard as he can because Musa refuses to move and if he doesn't he'll majorally injure the person he loves the most. There is just SOO much emotion, like most of him feels guilty because Musa was steadfast in the idea that Riven could hold off the spell and he tried his best but he couldn't

Oh im so obsessed with that, he gently tries to protect her injury so she doesn't get hurt again

I have a hc that he does the same thing when he's feeling anxious or depressed unintentionally making himself feel way worse by reminding him of the worst possible scenario

Yes yes yes YES!! big agree!!!! Rivusa is just amazing in the movies, I love them always, but the movies are *chef's kiss*

Ough the parallels of Musa and Riven taking an injury to help their partner out, never getting over it, never getting over it

[dreamwritesimagines]

Hello hello:)

It’s CMA-

Note to the other anon who mentioned me: omgggg hi!! I didn’t think anyone but dream read these LOL (they’re so freaking long) but I’m so flattered that you enjoy and read them! thanks for the shoutout:) 🫣🥰

Here for a GoS reread part 2 lmao let’s do this:

(actually this is like my fourth time rereading but shhhh just go with it) (picking up at the beginning of chapter 6)

In chapter 6 he talks about protecting clover and making sure no one can harm a hair on her head. He doesn’t strike me as a violent person at all, which is part of his appeal, so I wonder how he’ll react to meeting her parents and/or someone who tries to harm her.

(note: I had to delete like five paragraphs here because I realized I’d already said the exact same thing to you last time I reread LMAO)

Clover does the quintessential trauma dump and run in chapter 6, which is something a lot of people do, but it’s just funny to see in action (it’s actually something therapists see lot. Someone will go the whole session with idle chit chat or whatever and dumps the heaviest shit in the final five minutes then leave lmao) (I joke but it’s a real thing that happens and ngl I’m guilty of doing it too)

You know what is funny is the fact that in chapter 7, fainting is seen as a huge deal, which seemed like an overreaction when I first read it before I remembered that they didn’t really have medicine in those days the way we do now. Someone could faint because they had a stroke or they could faint because they have low blood pressure and they never knew which it was.

I only say that this is funny because then consider what was one of the most socially acceptable actions for young ladies to take when around someone they fancied? They swooned aka they pretended to faint. Here’s a time where they had no idea if someone fainting was the end or not and they just went ahead and pretended all the time for shits and giggles. Idk there’s something ridiculous but also hilarious about that- it makes an already preposterous thing seem even worse

(I feel like I had this revelation in passing with Anthony because he was always paranoid about something happening to cherie and freaking out whenever someone he loved fainted, but now I’m realizing that this fear doesn’t just apply to him)

In chapter 7 when teddy is concerned over clover fainting and very solemn, this is a great example of how adult emotions affect children. Teddy wouldn’t have known to be concerned if their aunt hadn’t freaked out, and her panic and concern translated over to his behavior, though he manifests it differently.

Idk I just thought it was interesting because I was just having a conversation with my mother who believes that as long as you don’t tell children something bad is going to happen, they’re never going to worry or pick up on the adults emotions, and so as long as you tell them everything is fine, they’ll believe it and turn out healthy.

I wish I could say that this is a frankly ridiculous claim (because it is) but a lot of people believe it, so it’s nice to see that particular nuance of children’s behavior picked up on in this story, and that you portrayed a great way of how to react to their fear. You can’t stop them from being afraid when the adults are because you can’t control your own or any adult’s emotions and ways that they behave, but you can change how you respond to your own fear and the fear of those, including the child, around you.

It’s also unrealistic for them to avoid fear and they need to learn how to deal with it because it will teach them emotional regulation and self control, and help them to manage themselves when they do encounter fear better. Clover’s response is a great example of what to do in this situation; I feel like it was take straight out of a textbook on the perfect way to respond. Denying and trying to shield them from fear doesn’t work; acknowledging them and their feelings and teaching them how to respond appropriately does.

(I’m so in love with her response if you couldn’t tell lmao. Listening to him, acknowledging his feelings, explaining the situation in a calm, rational tone and child-friendly language, giving him perspective, reassuring him that despite the problem, things will still be okay, giving him something to do as a reaction to what he is feeling, etc. 12/10 no notes)

Okay sorry for my mini rant, I just see too many adults in my line of work telling children ‘it’s nothing’ and ‘don’t worry about it’ and ‘I’m totally fine! Nothing’s wrong!’ to not get annoyed lol.

Wait I’m not done- this is also why I’m not concerned for teddy’s mental health. Despite her own mental health struggles, bad habits, and faults, clover is actually great at demonstrating healthy emotional regulation in front of teddy (most of the time- when she has her anxiety attacks when he does something wrong, it’s not always the best, but that’s not her fault and to be expected). Like even though she’s bad at practicing the things she’s teaching teddy, she’s still great at explaining and guiding him through them, it’s just a matter of her applying these lessons to her own life.

But yeah with a great role model guiding him through these lessons, teddy is building a strong foundation despite his rocky start.

For all of her talk about wanting to marry an old man and the fact that she expects him to hit her, if it actually happened she would be a total wreck. I think she’s lying to herself just as much, if not more, than everyone around her, trying to reassure herself that she’d be okay if the worst did come to pass. This is probably obvious to everyone else but I just realized it lol. She could never handle that happening; I feel like it would’ve broken her…

There’s this Netflix movie called to the vine about a girl with an eating disorder. It’s a really interesting look at severe mental health concerns imho (but if anyone is considering watching it, they should be very careful about being triggered because it is an upsetting movie). Anyway, I only mention it because when the mc hits rock bottom, she has this sort of hallucination/vision of being her future self and seeing herself as she is at this moment, and her future self is…. Appalled isn’t the right word and neither is aghast, but kind of horrified and sad and pitying at the state she’s in.

I’ve mentioned this term called anasognosia(?) before in relation to this story, but the definition is a person who cannot perceive the severity of their own condition. It’s seen a lot in very severe mental health cases, such as people who lose their ability to care for themselves and think they don’t need help, including those with eating disorders. It’s also seen in people who’ve sustained chronic trauma- they’re completely desensitized to their own condition and the severity of what’s happened to them. They lack perspective, they dismiss concerns because it’s normal to them.

I would even argue that it’s a survival tactic- victims would have a break down if they had a severe response to every trauma and wouldn’t be able to cope if their brain didn’t protect them by desensitizing them to what’s happening. But it’s people on the outside who are the ones who have to convince this person to seek help, and also to realize that this isn’t normal. It’s a hard realization for people to have, and if their case is really severe, they may not even be able to do that until they get out of the situation and heal more.

It’s a double edged sword though- how do you heal someone who doesn’t know they’re hurting?

I only mention it again (mostly because I’m fascinated it but also) because clover is such a great representation of that feeling. She genuinely does not understand the position she’s in and has been in. I do wonder if when she gets some healing, if she’ll be able to look back at where she’s been, and how she would react to that.

I wouldn’t be surprised if she went through the five stages of grief during the revelation; she kind of already is in the denial stage. But she would be grieving her own childhood, the childhood she should’ve had, what her parents did. She would be angry and frustrated (understandably) as if she’s only just now realizing what happened (because she kind of is).

(fun fact about the five stages of grief: they don’t actually progress in any particular order and you can also cycle through each one multiple times, and also not everyone goes through every single one every single time they’re grieving something. Idk a lot of misconceptions about them, which isn’t really relevant but kind of interesting if we do happen to see any of these with clover)

Idk I’m wondering if her parents showing up will push her to this place where she goes through that.

(also I’m totally not projecting lmao (lying). I feel like I go through these revelations like once a year where I go from ‘oh yeah that happened it’s not a big deal’ to ‘hey it’s kind of fucked up that that happened’ lmao)

Okay so I got distracted by looking for handkerchiefs (lmao) so I’m going to end this one where it’s at and send it in. Upon rereading though I’m like 99% sure I’m just regurgitating the exact same thoughts I sent in the first time and during the subsequent rereads LMAO sorry I have a shitty memory

Okay bye love u lots; see u soon for part 3 <3

Hi my loveeeee! 🥰❤️

Awww you two are so sweet! 🥰

Yayyy chapter 6, let’s gooo❤️

I actually have lots of ideas about this! Like, you’re absolutely right, Benedict is not a violent person at all but I also feel like Clover became his red-line so to speak? So while he is usually very calm, if someone tried to harm Clover, Benedict would not hesitate to attack that person, he would absolutely snap 😏

Aw I love reading them! 😍

Lolll oh it happens with me too sometimes, the conversation gets very serious all of a sudden 😂

Fainting was very popular those times😂 Which is very dramatic but also yes, they really didn’t have the knowledge we have now! 😁

Oh yeah, Anthony being paranoid when it comes to that….😏 Aw I miss Anthony and Cherie! ❤️

Wait it really is interesting! ❤️ Because I also believe children can actually like feel it, especially when it comes to other people worrying around them. And I do feel like it is important to both acknowledge their feelings and console them in a calm way, which Clover really tries to do -and I think she learned it from Josie🥰

Aw this is really nice! ❤️ Clover wants Teddy to have a much better childhood than she and Josie did😭

I actually do agree, if it did happen it would break Clover 😭 She expected the worst but it didn’t mean she was desensitized, she was still very afraid of even the possibility💔

Wait, do you mean “To the Bone”? I watched that one! 😱 It’s been a while though…

I can totally see that in her character, like she honestly isn’t even aware of just how traumatized she is and I think it will take her a long time to completely heal ❤️

I didn’t know that about the stages of grief! 😱 I thought it happened in a particular order! And it can happen multiple times? 😱

My love, thank you so so much for this! 😍❤️ You’re wonderful, ILYSM! ❤️❤️❤️

[deputyash]

Necromancy, Raven, witch, and haunted for Dovie, and pumpkin for you :3

Thanks for sending some! <3

NECROMANCY - What are their views on death? Undeath? Immortality?

Hitting me with the hard questions haha. Hmm, I think to a certain extent Dove sees death as just being a part of life, but also I can see her not really wanting to think about it too much. She’s quite afraid of losing her loved ones, so the thought of them dying is hard for her. As for her own death, she tells herself she feels neutral towards it, but also she would be afraid of dying before her time. I also think Dove would like to believe in an afterlife of some sort. She’s not particularly religious, but she just likes the idea of being reunited with people (and pets) she loved. She would also like the idea of watching over the ones she cares about even after her death.

Undeath, I’m assuming this means like zombies/vampire or maybe resurrection type of things? I don’t think that Dove would actually believe in undeath, but she does like the idea of reincarnation or resurrection. She finds those concepts interesting and a tiny sliver of her wonders about it being possible. (Unless it’s the version of Dove that eventually becomes a vampire haha, then yeah I’d say she believes in undeath. Ghost!Dove too lol.)

Immortality is similar to her views on undeath. She finds it interesting but wouldn’t actually believe in it. If, for whatever reason, she was given the chance to be immortal, I think she would be tempted to take it because if she was immortal she wouldn’t have to worry about all the things plaguing her. That ticking clock feeling would be gone. But then she would think about her current loved ones and knowing that she would lose them would be too hurtful. She’d rather be with her loved ones and die, then live and be alone.

RAVEN - What sad song, poem or sonnet would they be associated with?

I don’t know many poems/sonnets and my mind always blanks for songs lol, let alone any sad ones, so I just searched around for some. This is a poem that I think would fit well with Dove. 

__

Immortality

By Clare Harner

__

Do not stand

     By my grave, and weep,

I am not there,

     I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints in snow,

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle, autumn rain.

When you awaken with morning's hush

I am the swift upflinging rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the day transcending night.

Do not stand

     at my grave and cry -

I am not there,

     I did not die.

WITCH - What are they readily willing to sacrifice to ensure their plans work? What is too much and how far are they usually willing to go?

Dove is very protective of people, especially loved ones, so she will not sacrifice people important to her for the sake of a plan. If it’s something very important like saving a loved one, Dove is willing to sacrifice anything relating to herself (including herself) to make sure it works. 

If a plan isn’t going well, she is willing to regroup and make a new plan rather than continue a risky plan that could get herself or others hurt. (If it’s possible anyways, some things are out of her control of course.)

HAUNTED - When they’re suffering are they willing to admit it? To whom? Why or why not?

Dove has a hard time asking for help. She feels guilty for it and doesn’t want anyone to be troubled or, depending on the storyline, getting hurt. She really tries to do things on her own or fix things on her own, but it doesn’t work all the time. She’ll probably only admit to needing help after she’s already burnt out or hurting (physically or mentally). She is also very selective about who she tells. It would probably be her older brother, a very close friend, or her significant other. She trusts them the most and she finds comfort in them, so just spending time with someone she loves eases the suffering.

PUMPKIN - Out of character real quick, what’s YOUR favorite part of Halloween?

This is so late…hahaha XD But my favorite part of Halloween is the overall atmosphere honestly. That time of year just feels so cozy to me. I love autumn already so I love the weather, but I also like seeing all the decorations and stuff. I also enjoy dressing up, even though I haven't really been able to in recent years.

Also, random story because why not haha - When my younger brother and I were young kids, we didn’t get to go trick-or-treating because we lived on a ranch and thus had no neighbors. So our parents would go to the front and back door, and we would go back and forth to trick-or-treat from either door haha. We did get to go trick-or-treating when we were a little older, around middle school maybe?, because we would go with an ex-friend of ours to their neighborhood, or we just randomly went to town to see where we could trick-or-treat haha

[rpplwtrshn]

Finding the Words (Without Words)

I don’t even know where to begin honestly

Or how to express my inner turmoils

Every time something triggers this part of me

I just fall apart and can’t control myself

Thoughts running wild and free

Tears moving down my face in steady streams

A heavy weight crushing down on my chest

While the combination of hunger and disgust meld in my stomach

And these triggers have no name

No form, origin, demeanor, or shape

They take whatever guise and size they please

And yet still leave the same impact all the same

And most of the time I find when I’m lost in my own fucked up mind

That it’s when it’s something that shatters my worldview

My expectations, my pace, my comfort, or my confidence

Glass shattering: raining down on my unending cacophony

Making me realize that my paradigm of a lense I fashioned into glasses, was nothing more than an alternate reality put up on liquid crystal display

And it happens every time

Every fucking goddamn time

Maybe my old supervisor was right

Maybe so many people I’ve met have always been right

That I’m just too nice of a person

Too nice? Too nice?!

“How is too nice a thing?” I’d use to believe

But I’m slowly starting to believe that myself

That being selfless and empathetic has its drawbacks

And I’m fucking tired of trying to fire this bow

Maybe if someone had shown me how to avoid pulling a muscle on the drawback

Or how to avoid hitting my arm when I release the string

Maybe I’d be a better bowman; a better person; a better me

Maybe it’d prevent me from getting so burnt out that I shut down and shut others out

Maybe it’d prevent me from getting hurt over what, logically, are mild inconveniences

Maybe I could learn which targets to avoid and which to take aim at

It’s a fucked up metaphor, isn’t it? Comparing giving others kindness and love to shooting a bow

But that’s just where my head is at right now

Years of selflessness is making me selfish

Years of feeling like everyone was deserving of love is making me feel like I’m undeserving of any

Years of thinking that I’m just as capable of loving others unconditionally as the savior I claim to serve and love has left me in a cold and increasingly bitter place

It’s left me feeling guilty for thinking of even putting my own desires first and taking care of myself

And makes me walk a fence between self care and self loathing

And formed within me a hero complex

Because if they’re happy, then I’m happy right?

If their needs are being met, then job well done right?

Right?! RIGHT?! PLEASE SOMEONE SAY IM RIGHT?

I don’t want to be right I just don’t want to accept this

I don’t want to show others that they were right

That I was too nice

Especially after I found someone who likes me because I’m nice

I’m gentle, I’m patient, I’m thoughtful

If nice guys finish last then why does she like me?

Why do my friends like me for who I am?

Why does my family love me for who I am?

God why do you love me for who I am?

HOW CAN PEOPLE LOVE ME WHEN I CAN’T LOVE MYSELF?!

I just want to exist

I just want to disappear

I just want to do this on my own

But I can’t; and I know it

And I never want to see any of them sad

Or disappointed; or heartbroken

I never want to stop loving or giving my heart wholly

Because god fucking dammit, I truly want to feel loved

But I somehow can’t seem to find a way to accept it

And that’s why I’ll always love others

That’s why I’ll always be nice

Because I never want anyone to be me

And I never want anyone to feel the same

[caslyra]

This always bothered me so much. Innocent until proven guilty? Who cares... The fact that no one cares is so infuriating. Even if they all believed Sirius to be guilty, don't they see that this course of action pushes the door wide wide open for institutional abuse of power? They’re creating a precedent here (not technically speaking). It's not about this single suspect, it's about the society you want to live in; this sets a dangerous tone on a general level, and it shows throughout the series (like with Fudge not giving a damn about 'innocent until proven guilty' in Harry's trial and not caring about his right to call witnesses. Actually, that whole trial is a reversal of 'innocent until proven guilty' – they assume Harry is guilty, and he has to prove his innocence? With the whole authority of the Ministry against him? Cool.). The right to a fair trial is one of the most important pillars of a democratic society – it has to be more important than your urge to lock away a specific suspect as quickly as possible. If you destabilize that pillar it all crumbles down.

And then the last sentence is literally 'All was well' – Are you fucking kidding me??? No, it wasn't. How narrow-minded is that? Just because Harry wasn't in immediate danger of being murdered by some fascist anymore... Like, this one racist dude has been defeated and all the other issues dissolve magically (magically, hah). As if all the problems of wizard society were rooted in Voldemort. Making him the scapegoat, or at least implying so (out of laziness or whatever, I don't care) That's a very very dangerous way of thinking and it's true to the real world, which is why her way of dealing with it is super problematic.

There's tons that's left in the open, plotlines the author started but never finished, like with S.P.E.W. What's with the house elves, huh? All was well, my ass.

Because - the judicial system as a whole? Massive joke. The people holding trials are the ones who pass the laws in the first place and who also enforce them (Fudge, Umbridge...). Not at all problematic. Checks and balances? Never heard of it.

And still, they deem themselves superior to Muggle society. Hah.

It was too much for JK to handle the different plotlines, obviously, to go down all those roads; it wasn't her focus. But JK has obviously been drawing parallels between wizarding society and N*zi Germany (and simultaneously post N*zi Germany/Nuremberg trials, which is...).– and that's important – even before Voldemort took control of the Ministry. She's done it with the way Fudge leans on the Prophet, with all the power being concentrated in one person, with trials being a farce, with educational decrees punishing anyone who so much as questions authority, with Fudge being based on Chamberlain. Maybe this is why this bothers me so much - especially as a German who studied law. Because our history is so dark, and if you're using it as a blueprint to base your fictional story on (don't get me wrong, we deserve all the criticism in the world), don't leave it hanging like that. Don't make a point of how messed-up society is even before Voldemort took over, only to later say 'All was well' without explaining how all the things worthy of criticism have been changed for the better in the new order.

The system was massively flawed even before Voldemort. And she wants us to realize that, she's making a point of it. But then she's too lazy or too bad a writer to follow through because the 'main story' is finished. She doesn't clear anything up. Does Kingsley (oh, and how is the Minister of Magic even elected?) enforce a new system? A better one? No one knows (I don't care if she's said anything in an interview or on Pottermore; most readers don't bother with either). She just acts as if now that Voldemort's gone, everything's good. It's not. So yeah, you could argue 'All was well' means that everything is indeed better now, but sorry, I'm not having this. This is not only lazy writing but also dangerous. Critical thinking or not.

Don't start this if you're not going to follow through. It's too important a topic (says me, sitting in Germany with a far-right wing party on the rise again, with a top politician who used to be a history teacher – yes, that's right – but took part in Neo-N*zi rallies and uses SA speech, whom you can legally (court-ruled) call a fascist... you would’ve thought we’d know better). Okay maybe I'm getting a little emotional...

But don't say 'All was well' ffs.

cant believe jkr created a prison that forces you to relive all of your worst memories, put a fairly major character in that prison for twelve years without a trial, and then just... didnt make it a commentary on the justice system OR the prison system. just like "lol thats a quirky thing that happened just for plot reasons, no bearing on reality tho"

[barbituratecongestion]

Better Call Saul 6.07 Plan and Execution.

René Magritte Not to Be Reproduced, 1937.

[k3rm1e]

cuddling headcanons! ★~(◡﹏◕✿)

this is more of a test thing to see if i like writing this way and if this blog does well

other imagines and headcanons won't include everyone i write unless it is specifically requested and is a prompt i really like

includes: wilbur nihachu karljacobs quackity dream georgenotfound sapnap p!tommyinnnit p!badboyhalo p!skeppy p!eret p!philza p!tubbo p!ranboo

cw: cursing

wilbur:

wilbur is a very cuddle-y guy

to me he seems very soft

i always see people saying he would like spooning, but i disagree

i feel like he would do more of a half-spooning thing with his head on your chest or the other way around

mans would DEFINITELY make you run your fingers through his hair

i feel like he would lay on your chest and just *nuzzle* into the space between your shoulder and neck

anytime you tried to leave him, whether it was because he had to do something or you had to, he would whine. so. fucking. much.

It would probably always go something like:

you - i need to piss

wilbur - no <3

but the moment he decides its time to stop cuddling its fine

and if you complain that you’re gonna miss him he’ll just call you clingy and tease you

like??? sir???

all in good fun though, no bad intentions :)

nihachu:

i feel like you and niki would face each other

with your head like under her chin and in her chest (this is a bad description but look at the “honeymoon hug” on the list for better explanation ;-;)

she would always want to protect you

so she does that by like almost guarding you and keeping you close

niki would definitely do the arm thing where she just lightly moves her hand up and down you arm

i’m so sorry if you don't understand that, it just feels like something she would do

if you haven't experienced that it kinda sorta feels like spiders??? but in a good way???

but generally she is very protective

she just holds you so close the whole time

even if she doesn’t want to let you go, she’s more understanding about it

she would be upset but wouldn’t show it because she doesn’t want to make you feel guilty

niki is generally just an amazing cuddle-r (is that a word?) and has a super comforting presence

karljacobs:

karl would definitely keep your head on his chest

the whole time he would just absolutely squeeze the life out of you

he would constantly bend his neck down to kiss your head

and instead of just like leaving his head down so he could kiss you it would just be:

*inner monologue karl* hmmm i wanna kiss them on their head

and he would lean down to do so which, cute

but then five seconds later he would do it again

and again another five seconds later

and again

very cute karl but please sir, your neck is gonna be so messed up after this

when you had to leave he would be upset, but like niki, would try not to show it

except karl is very bad at that and his pouting would be so obvious

so you would feel guilty and layback down with him

immediately he just becomes (●´ω｀●)

like a happy little puppy

karl is just too adorable for you to deny

quackity:

now we all know this, quackity is a huge dork

which is why i believe he would DEFINITELY use your butt as a pillow

not even in a weird way

i just feel like quackity isn’t too comfortable with touch so this is sorta his way of being close to you without it being a whole serious thing

like he still is able to be goofy and comfortable without it being a whole big thing

him doing this would almost always come with a flatty patty joke from you

which always causes him to threaten divorce, even though you aren’t married

while it isn’t a very good position for things like physical touch, it is good for talking and having conversations

for some reason i feel like he’s the type of person to text someone when they’re right next to each other

so while he’s laying down he’ll just send you random photos of himself

very annoying when your phone is spammed, but also good blackmail material >:)

i don’t think he’d be too clingy

obviously, he enjoys spending time with you

but if you told him you need to go do work or something he wouldn’t throw a fit or pout

big q just seems like he’d be more rational about stuff like that

overall a 420/69 cuddle partner

dream:

one word: spooning

mans just envelops you and has no shame

very big: “no you are mine! >:(“ energy

while he’s sleeping he’ll unconsciously nuzzle his head into your hair/the back of your neck

when you guys got to bed patches usually climbs in and you hold her

i love patches so much i could write headcanons just about her

dream always wants to be cuddling you

if you try to leave he won’t pout, there simply isn't a discussion on whether you’re moving or not

incase you haven’t caught on yet, the answer is no

you need to do work? just bring the laptop to bed

he needs to edit? just sit in his lap at his desk, duh

obviously, he knows at some point you guys need to stop cuddling

he just isn’t too stoked about it

when it comes time where he absolutely can’t cuddle with you, i feel like he’d be more chill

mainly just annoyed

georgenotfound:

i feel like george, like quackity, also wouldn’t be too touchy

i’m pretty sure he has a hard time expressing emotions (please correct me if i’m wrong!!) and i think that would crossover to his sleeping habits

i think he would prefer a sort of back-to-back cuddling position

it seems cold, i know

but also he would most definitely kick at you

so every night while trying to go to sleep suddenly you would just feel *kick*

and then instead of sleep you’re suddenly playing footsie

lots of laughter and warm feelings involved

george would probably pretend that you kicked his leg hard or something and act like you hurt him

the first few times you were actually worried

but then after a few months your only response was a sarcastic “cry about it”

which just led to more laughter

sapnap:

sapnap and you would do a sort of leg hug thing

you both you try to go to sleep in a cute spooning-type position

but the moment one of you fell asleep it all unraveled

you would wake up apart but you’re legs would still be touching

sapnap would joking blame it on you

“wow can’t believe you don't wanna be close with me even when we’re asleep”

“it’s not my fault! i can’t control where i end up when i sleep!”

“no, no. you don’t have to lie. i see how it is.”

“>:(“

but it's okay!

your legs are the first thing to react in a flight-or-fight situation, so they usually react in an honest way

which is like your legs are both reaching to hold each other!

p!tommyinnit:

i don’t get a very touchy vibe from tommy

i feel like the most he would do is put his arm over your shoulder

not in a flirty way, just in a “hey, there isn’t a lot of space, this will make sitting down more comfortable” way

he will let you sorta fidget with his hand/arm

i don't know if that makes sense but what i mean is that he’ll pretty much let his arm go *flop* so you can control it (by like moving it around or playing with his fingers)

in the beginning he would get annoyed

but eventually he would get used to it and wouldn’t really care

it sounds a bit strange but i personally find it very comforting to just have something to fidget with while watching youtube or netflix in bed with my friends

and it’s entertaining (sometimes i do this to me sister to annoy her :>)

he would act like he didn’t mind if you left him

but holy shit he is so clingy

If you try to leave it’ll just be “no, why??? stay here dumbass”

you would be slightly annoyed when he had to leave  but knew he had to film and stream and all that so you would be okay

p!badboyhalo:

you would kinda sit within bad’s lap

like not on his lap, but more of in between his legs

he would have his arms around you

and his phone would be in front of you so you two could scroll through twt or instagram together

or you guys could watch skeppy’s youtube ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

rat would sit in your lap

she’s just;;;;;;;; so adorable

rat is just so soft and fuzzy in your lap and everytime you move to pet her she just melts

rat is the the superior cuddle buddy to any of these block people

p!skeppy:

skeppy, similar to quackity, is a total dork

he would make sure you guys were in a position where he could effectively troll you

so if your head was near his lap he would just flick you or some

“dude can you please stop hitting me in the head”

“it turns out i am not actually hitting you in your head because based on the perpendicularity of the bisector multiplied by the photosynthesis of the dividend, it is impossible for me to do so”

“wtf”

lya is so goddamn sick of you guys

she's trying to get him to actually do something but instead he’s just sitting there throwing paper airplanes at you while you sleep

he’s an annoying asshole but it's okay because he gives you money for absurd reasons

p!eret:

eret has such a comfortable presence

i feel like she wouldn’t be up for cuddling too much

more of like putting your head on a friends shoulder so you can see the tweet their showing you

but they do like to hold hands

holding hands isn’t very intimate but it's also just such a sweet comforting thing

she even holds your hand when you guys are out walking around

like if you guys were getting food somewhere (post-covid of course)

you most likely would get addressed as a couple

and he would just be like”...wut?”

it’s happened so many times at this point you just go along with it

“you guys look like such a cute couple!”

“oh we aren't-” “thank you!”

can you tell that i love eret?

p!philza:

phil always has such dad vibes

i feel like the closest he would get to cuddling is hugs and hand holding

even though cuddling isn’t inherently romantic, he is married to kristen

so i fell he would get most of his touch in with her

but with you he’s just so fatherly

hello dadza

whether you have a good or bad relationship with your father, everyone can admit that philza minecraft is dadza

this is such a dad thing, but tries to hold you hand when you cross the street

no matter the age, he just feels the need to protect you

hugs are similar

uses hugs as a way to comfort you and protect you

just so amazing all around

p!tubbo:

tubbo would love cuddling in any way, shape, or form

if you guys are hanging out at like the park or something and lying down

get ready to become this mans pillow

this is really fun to do with your friends but imagine you guys are hanging out in a field type area (with my friends we hand out in the field next to the cemetery but it can be any open grass area)

tubbo would just use your lap as a pillow the whole time

and when you guys were walking back to his house he would sorta drape his arms over your shoulders (assuming he’s taller than you)

he would do the same thing when you guys were sitting in chairs or at a desk

just drapes his arms over your shoulder with his chin on your head

if it's really late and he's tired he’ll just hug you

p!ranboo:

if you thought tubbo is bad, ranboo is even worse

not even really cuddling, he just likes having a sort of skin-to-skin contact

so handholding and laying on top of eachother

if he’s streaming he will legitimately message ou to just sit next to him

so sometimes if he’s just chilling by himself on the smp you’ll end up on his streams

he’ll have you next to him just because he likes be near someone

and so randomly it’ll just be like “chat, a real human is here, behave”

chat does not behave

(they heavily bully him)

he’s pretty clingy but when you HAVE to leave he’ll understand and just be a bit bummed out

holy shit this took me so long-

if you read this whole thing thank you!

[decafdino]

YES YES ALL OF THIS.

I really think the most important things Carlos does, he does them out of love. He’s a caretaker, and I’m sure part of that is how he was raised (so respectful he struggles to break certain habits ex. Always calling Owen ‘Captain Strand’) but it’s also because helping is in his nature.

There’s a dichotomy I’m seeing of people either being mad at TK for going to see Iris/wanting all of Carlos’ attention (which I personally believe he doesn’t; he’s comfortable with letting Carlos do what he needs to and there’s not really any hint of it besides certain shots. I think it’s mostly juggernaut Tarlos shippers projecting bc they’re upset it’s not ALL about just TK and Carlos) and then on the other hand people upset with Carlos for focusing on Iris when she’s hurt and not TK, who feels guilty that she’s hurt. Both I don’t really see in the context of the show, because as characters TK and Carlos are individuals with a sense of self.

What I do see is Carlos trying to protect and take care of the people he loves. He loves TK; as we’ve seen in the past, he’s always ready to be his rock when he’s insecure (the couch scene in 4.02, the convo about Nancy ‘hating’ him in s2) and he also doesn’t let TK get away with stupid self-sabotaging crap (that last comment in the police station in s1, !!!!!calling Cooper in 3.13!!!!!!).

But he also loves Iris— seriously. I was skeptical like a lot of other people at first, too, because up until 4.01 there had been no mention of their connection to each other outside of Carlos looking into the case for Michelle (something unfortunately always implied that he was doing a favor for a friend and not. yknow. Looking for his wife. ) but after seeing the way they interact, how they tease each other, how Carlos has an undying amount of faith that Iris wouldn’t walk off, that if she was experiencing schizophrenic flare ups she would’ve asked for help and reached out, I’m really convinced on their relationship. It’s clear that Carlos loves people with his whole heart; of course when one of the most important people in his life is in trouble, he’s immediately on the case.

It surprised me a fair amount after watching the episode to come on here and see people upset about the writing choices, because to me everything every character does in this episode makes perfect sense (yes, including Nancy fully overselling the sex doll ‘death’.) and the beauty of it is that the choices gel nicely together to tell a story that is cohesive and interesting about a group of people that are so far from perfect. I think sometimes we forget they’re just people, not innocent saints.

The thing I’m actually really excited for is to see what happens when Carlos completely loses control. We know he’s a control freak. We’ve seen how he was when he couldn’t find TK in 2.08. I want to know what he’s like when he’s alone, in danger, without any power. I want to see him desperate, I want to see him hurt, I want to see Carlos Reyes completely fucking terrified for his life. I want to know what kind of man he becomes in that situation.

Tl;dr yes I think actually that everything Carlos has done over the last three episodes actually makes a ton of sense, and while both Carlos and TK have done some stuff to upset each other, I’m not necessarily mad at either of them because those actions fit their characters.

The silver lining to all the fandom bullshit, for me, is that I came out of 4x03 loving both TK and Carlos a whole helluva lot more than I ever have… and also seeing the ways, across 4x01 to 4x03, that they love so fiercely - both each other and others - with their whole fucking hearts… and knowing that loving that hard, that intensely, means that it’s never perfect because it’s so easy for emotions to make things messy and complicated when it consumes you like that… but I’ve always said that I could go through any angst with these two as long as the love is still there… and oh boy is it still there. 

I just really fucking love them both, warts and all.

[More under the cut because I have too many thoughts:]

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