#the subtlety left the building lol

[lovevalley45]

i put on extravagant makeup for the fhjy trailer. u know like a normal person. but now i'm trying not to be seen by my roommates n questioned like it's too early for y'all to be noticing my makeup

[the-slasher-files]

Hey hey hey~

Can I request Ghost with a gn!(or male) Reader?

Where the reader is significantly younger than him but just as cruel an the battlefield

[CALL OF DUTY]

HONEY BADGER

SIMON "GHOST" RILEY

Another pushed out request months later lol. Hope it was worth the wait and that this fight scene is coherent and a good time to read... enjoy 🤍🔪

MASTERLIST

Rubble laid beneath your feet, clad in heavy black leather. Walls ripped and torn like an open rotting carcass as the flies swarmed between the bones and viscera, but the buzzing of the helicopters above had stopped. Gun fire hushed around you, only the sound of wind between the buildings surrounded you.

"Ghost, it's quiet," You almost whispered over the radio and he answered with a sigh.

"I know,"

The gun was steady in your hands as you crouched, walking slowly, methodically, through a two-story home that had barely stood due to a blast last night. The enemy was using it as a hide out and someone had to clear the buildings. Gaining the trust of the 141 was difficult, however, you were more than eager for them to finally accept you. Yes, you were the youngest, being called "kid" and "junior", the guys getting upset that they had to "babysit". Earning your spot here was your number one goal.

Over time, the guys became your family, one mission at a time they noticed just how calm, cool and collected you had been on the field, that was until your tempter got the better of you. You moved swiftly, quietly and packed a punch, too, you were just never one to gloat.

"Kid, how copy?" The Scottish accent filled your ear.

"Buliding 200 meters left of the playground almost clear... Nothing yet," There was hesitation towards the end of your sentence as you began the slow, daunting ascension of the wooden stairs. Something felt... off.

A deep breath left your parted lips, hesitant to speak and with a shake to your breath, only one man noticed. Picking up on such subtleties was his specialty, from friends to regular citizens.

"Kid, I'm coming to you. Stay there." A deep rasp settled over your coms, gritting your teeth at the overuse of the nickname and natural over seeing nature of your superior.

"Ghost, I got this,"

Shaking your head, you steeled yourself, allowing the nerves to wash away and your adrenaline coat you in a thick armor. Calm confidence pulled you forward but you weren't cocky, looking for trip wires, shadows, and listening for anything that might come your way. Turning quickly around the wall to your right as the top step, there was no time to react as a bullet flew inches past your skull with a cracking sound of open fire.

"Fuck!"

Your brain tried to move faster than the bullets, gathering as much information while trying to move hastily. 1,2,3,4,5 you counted in your head. At least 5 men were up here with you, waiting like cowards to pick your team off one by one.

"Fuck! Ghost!... ugh 5 men!" You shouted over the gunfire and into the static of the radio, you were just hoping he was close in case shit went sideways.

Without thought, you moved. Reaching for the first man to your right and drawing the blade that clung to your thigh, driving deep between the bones of his ribcage as your elbow came up to his face. The blood from his nose smeared on you but he dropped the gun and was quickly becoming dead weight within your arms. Snapping your head up at the gunfire directly in front of you, the man you held, dying to your hands had to be your human shield in a quick burst of adrenaline. Rushing forward with the body, you pulled your pistol, resting your wrist for aim and control on the man you held before dropping 2 bodies instantly, headshots.

Shuffling into the bedroom at the end of the hallway, you allowed yourself a bated breath. Hearing Soap and Gaz on the radios, they were too far away still and Ghost was silent. You were on your own. Swallowing with a moment to close your eyes, it was ripped away just as fast, opening at a cracking gunshot that echoed; It bounced louder, reverberating off not just the building you were in but the ones that surrounded you, and it broke the glass that had not been yet shattered.

"They have a sniper!" You panted, listening and tucking into the bathroom. Another one hit, "Sniper, north side... Northeast" you corrected yourself, letting your training come in handy in locating a gunshot.

"Kid, kid... get out of there!" Soap yelled in worry "I'm on em—"

He was cut off as your radio line was cut. Your body moved by instinct before your mind could catch up. There was a man in the bathroom with you yielding a large hunting knife.

"Such a small one," He mocked in Russian before your boot connected with his thigh. The sound of a shattering bone crowded the small space, and he fell to his knees, spitting words of vile venom and trying to lodge the knife into your leg, but you were faster. Grabbing the wrist that held the weapon, you drop-kicked the back of his arm, easily breaking it with bone violently tearing the skin and clothes now about to drip crimson. He bowed forward. He was at the perfect height. Within seconds, you delivered your heel to the back of the man's neck, making his face collide with brutal force against the edge of the bathroom counter, and like that, he was dead.

"Nice knife" You huffed, getting off the bathroom tiles and stealing the bowie that lay in splatters of blood.

Exiting the bathroom, you weren't sure if the sniper was handled so you clung to the walls and shadows.

"Is the sniper still active?.... Soap?... fuck, how copy?"

"Echo 3-1, is the sniper still active? I need a read!"

"Ghost, how copy?!"

Each question you asked fell on deaf ears, growing more desperate as you could hear more soldiers flooding up the stairs. "Fuck"

A trickle of blood gathered at your brow and you wiped it away, unsure if it was yours or the enemies, calming the frayed nerves that sparked like wildfire you tried to breathe. You were not going to live if you did not calm yourself, the best had taught you that. His Manchester accent is engrained into your very skull to use instinct, steel yourself and think.

Russian orders only got closer, but you were no coward. Throwing a smoke grenade, you gained easy cover and lunged into the group of 4. Skidding low, throwing one man down, there was a clean shot to the back of his neck. The next you leaped upwards to wrap your thighs around the man's neck, he was clearly twice your size, but with momentum and power, he crashed to the floor with a deep groan. He was downed, leaving you to focus on the other two for now. The one closest to your left found bullets from your automatic rifle now lining up his torso and slumping to the hardwood.

Muttering incoherent phrases and strings of curses, the last one standing was by the banister, just a silhouette in the smoke that burned your lungs and flowed out the window, but it was disappearing quickly and you had to move.

Bang, bang, you shot him twice; One in the shoulder and one in the lower abdomen, he screamed and stumbled. Reaching for his gun, you had to be one step ahead, charging without fear and a new bowie knife in hand, you tore into the gunshot wound of the enemy's stomach and craved upwards like a butcher. Bile, acids, blood and organs dropped as you pushed him down the stairs. Little to your knowledge, a spectre ran into the home, witnessing the body tumble like a ragdoll.

It was mere seconds before hands were on you, brutally throwing you against the crumbling wall and he stalked toward your body. A whimper came from your parted lips, heart pounding and blood racing, shakey muscles appeared weaker to the man beside you than they were, and you leaned into that role seamlessly. Pulling more breathless gasps, chokes and groans out of you, the man bent down.

"The young ones always fall the hardest" He mocked, Russian rolling off his tongue in taunts and sick coos.

All you did was smirk, turning your head to meet a monstrous face of war. Not saying a word back, you jumped up, pulling the man's arm back against his back and jumping on his broad shoulders clad with a tact vest. Retrieving the large hunting knife once more, he stood, your head almost meeting the ceiling as you clung on top still, vicious and not letting go until the job was done. You sunk the blade into the assailant's neck, once, twice, three times before dragging it across the collar bones with a violent spray of red and he dropped.

You were the last one standing in a mess that told a savage story. Viscera coated your gear and the smoke cleared. Your heart was still beating in the depths of ruthless grandeur surrounded by bodies.

And a man stood quietly, seeing the story as if he wrote in himself. Beyond impressed he was happy to be wearing his mask.

"Honey badger is standing, all clear for evac" Ghost spoke strongly over the coms, a new life was born with the name along with a new respect and trust across scarred bloody skin.

"Honey badger, eh?" It had a nice ring to it. Way better than 'kid'

[zombolouge]

So I know for mass effect and dragon age, a big impetus for your fics is “how does this specific flavor of player character respond to the events of the game”. How do you approach your fics that have canon protagonists instead of ocs, like link or phoenix wright?

ohohoho yet another top tier question!

For cases like AA or Zelda, I usually approach it from the angle of "do I have something to say that the narrative didn't cover? Is there an angle of the character that canon didn't touch that I find fascinating?" Then I kind of wait to see if the things I have to say pile up enough that I feel like I can make a cohesive narrative and fic out of them. I'll usually even scribble down a scene or two as they come to mind. There's a non-zero number of fanfic scenes I've written that didn't quite make it to capturing my fancy enough to turn into a fic, so the scenes just kind of exist in a drafts folder until I figure out a use for them.

For A Hundred Years in the Making, BotW gives you SO much free real estate. They give us only these small little flashes of memories, but there's a WHOLE BUNCH of stuff that's just left ambiguous and up to interpretation, and as I thought about the story and the characters I found that I had a LOT of ideas about how I thought those in-between moments played out. So, I found myself wanting to tell the story of what actually happened 100 years in the past, then connect that to where I think Link and Zelda would have been at in the end of BotW. lol I definitely had a specific ideas I wanted to explore, like what if Link was insecure in himself and his abilities? What if he was as shoehorned into the role as Zelda was? And WHAT IF both their respective parents knew what their children were going to need to be from the moment they were born? There's a lot of exploration in what happens to cyclical fates and how it shapes the person that has to live through them. It's a somewhat darker narrative that I buried under sunnier colors, which was also a fun thing to play with. I definitely had enough to put in a fic, as you can tell XD

For my Ace Attorney series, that's another series that has large gaps in time between each scene, so there's lots of room to build out the complexity of the characters' relationships. I also set those fics post canon, which gave me a lot of room to set up a plot that was doing what I wanted it to. I think because of that blend of being free to do what I wanted but also considering the gaps in canon narrative, it resulted in me leaning into flashbacks as a regular part of the story formula a little more often. A lot of the scenes are contextualized by the character remembering something from the past (from the games), which then re-contextualizes that moment in the game to bolster what I'm doing in the "present" of the fic. I have a LOT of layers going on in that story. AA also doesn't do much exploring of the real depth of emotion that I feel is always hovering behind the scenes. I think it's there, and I even think the writers of the series are aware of it (I think they do too many clever things with subtlety and absurdity to consider it circumstance), but it's not explored because it's not what they're interested in talking about when they're writing. So, I saw a lot of potential in crafting a plot that was like an Ace Attorney game, but actually going into detail about what happens from moment to moment, how the characters interact outside of the mysteries...and to make them kiss. That is always a big motivator haha

[hp-lonesome-actual-art]

Hey hey so uh…this has been collecting dust in the digital photo album for a long while. I made it back in 2020 as a fun little personal project to try and encapsulate the silly story shenanigans within a fictional multi-fandom roleplay thing I did alongside my cousin. Originally it was just for fun and animating the events from the previous year, however I began to work on it as a Christmas gift for her. It was never finished as is VERY obvious given how the beginning is mostly talking without any visuals…I never got around to doing that part lol. Worked on different audio sections spontaneously so most of the actual animating happens somewhere in the middle. However I recall showing snippets of the animation process with my cousin, so she was able to see some of the work regardless of the completion.

I believe I was either 14 or turned 15 at the time of making this (my birthday is very close to the end of the year so it’s hard to gauge). And it was left unfinished when my cousin died early on in 2021 (she was at the age of 16). I don’t expect anyone else to make sense of what I’m talking about, given how it’s very much an inside joke we created between us and never meant to be shared from an outside perspective. However I haven’t had anyone else to reminisce over these events with and it’s saddening knowing this is a chapter of my life which will always be neglected going forward, due to how in depth the narrative was and the difficulty of getting others to understand it. Even the way I recorded this explanation/audio is very janky and not put together concisely despite being a recap. So sort of stuck in a scatterbrained state for the rest of my life lol

The main point of it all is just….absurd crackship fanfiction-esque character interactions and relationship building. But on a personal note, it means a great deal to me. Because unabashedly making up wacky stories was what made my childhood feel so vibrant and what connected me to my cousin for so many years. It encouraged me to follow my passions of storytelling and character building, and to not take life so seriously. Just indulge in what makes you happy and don’t be afraid to share those passions with others. We both shared a strong attachment to My Little Pony growing up as well as other online fandoms, and I’m grateful for the short lived time I spent with her talking about those shared interests

Then of course, there’s this other one I actually posted to my YouTube in 2021 albeit very subtlety to not garner attention. I’ve been purposely obscuring it from online perception because I’m terrified of the judgments others would place on me. I know people aren’t welcoming of seeing a character they recognize being misconstrued into a different world and with a different story then what is canonically accepted. I get that this is more like an original character scenario and not attached to how he (Snatcher) typically is viewed. So please be aware of that. This was a personal project I spent a shit ton of time on through the school year and made it as a way of coping with the loss whilst expressing appreciation for what could have been. Honestly I don’t know how I managed to color so many frames from it. But it’s also a neat time capsule to see how much I’ve improved animating since then, and a lot of the credit goes to the dedication of making this

Another thing to point out is that I had no fucking clue how to color Snatcher and it shows lol. His expressions are a bit hard to see at some points due to not giving him proper lighting to balance the dark color. But hey that’s fine, like I said this was the most ambitious I had ever gotten for a project and I’ve learned a lot from it. But most importantly was that I got it done as a tribute to her life and these characters we loved <3

Although yeah uh….the version I posted on YouTuber prior to this (“Tribute to Quincy”) had some sort of editing issue I was unaware of until the next day. The animation got corrupted and was glitching in footage, and that sent me into an anxiety attack for a couple hours. I was uncontrollably sobbing myself to sleep that night or so, because the building paranoia that my relatives watched the video made me feel overly vulnerable and fearful even more-so then online strangers watching it. So I don’t think I was in a good mental place to have made the animation public back then, even with the various precautions I took. The video glitching was just the final straw. Think I avoided animating a while afterwards too. So uh….just to say that the intended heartfelt meaning behind the animation got distorted from those events and now is a strange mixture of shame and love whenever I watch it again. I think my perfectionism was just eating me alive at the time, and I felt like I’d let my deceased cousin down somehow? Or that people would only have a surface level understanding of the deeper meaning I wanted to portray. Idk I was operating on a lot of faulty logic at the time with my loneliness controlling a lot of my worldview. The only positive is that experience taught me to never force yourself to work hours on end animating on a holiday….because it will make you internally miserable and susceptible to believing falsehoods about yourself and how others perceive you. Also that miserable Christmas was the exact moment I received the epiphany that I’m afraid of judgment. Before that point it was always just an unnamed nagging feeling that I didn’t know how to describe. Anyways point is terrible experience never recommend :P

Hey I’m putting an edit here because it’s occurred to me that there’s this audio I have of my cousins voice discussing the H&Q roleplay story. I’ve kept it close to me for a long while, maybe in the hopes that someday I would animate it like I had for mine. But I think given how my YouTube is around 240+ subs I can’t bring myself to get vulnerable again or release anything more about our roleplay story. Maybe on my secondary channel, but for now I’ve laid it to rest for personal privacy reasons. Anyways this is her voice recording she made in my room when visiting (she’d noticed I was writing down summaries in my sketchbooks and journals about our story and asked if I would let her read it word for word) I gave her the go to use my iPad for it, and I’m grateful I did. Otherwise I’d have no proof that she collaborated with me on these things

Once again, this is all information that was shared only between the two of us. Characters we made up and played around with. It won’t hold much meaning or significance to anyone else, but I still feel the need to share it. Because when else will I ever be allowed to

[hiccupbutpurple]

I return with ideas for the au where Krogan gets burnt in king of dragons Pt 1. Basically, with the burns, they get significantly worse after Krogan falls because a Dramillion gets to him before Hiccup can chase them away, but in doing so, they find that Krogan need a leg brace to physically even stand due to his left leg practically useless due to to the fact that his nerves in that leg are practically dead and the burns made it extremely stiff to move around on.

But while for Krogan this is absolutely devastating because now not only is he completely missing an arm, a whole destabilizing force to his life as a whole, now he cannot walk without help or without an aid, Viggo and Hiccup put their heads together (with the help of Fishlegs and Meatlug supplying gronkle iron to make it lightweight and less uncomfortable for Krogan to wear, they craft Krogan a brace that is for the most part, as low profile and comfortable as possible, with several unsuccessful iterations, of course. It doesn’t help how much Krogan hates this new disability, let alone the pain it causes him.

At first, when he first wakes up at least, Krogan is very much out of it and kind of snappish and rude because he’s hurting and in agony (of course Viggo knows this is typical behavior for Krogan when he’s hurt, he recognizes the patterns in his behavior.) After a week Hiccup noticed especially that Krogan had become very subdued, and has stopped snapping at Fishlegs when he goes to change his bandages. He’s still in pain, but he’s lost his fire. He is just tired and hungry and it hurts. And Hiccup can identify with it since he felt the same after he lost his leg.

At first it is Viggo that does this, since he’s mostly healed at the time. Just sitting by Krogan’s side. If they talk, they talk. If they don’t, they don’t. Hiccup’s presence is one where Hiccup just softly talks about his day, maybe about the plans in the future. They have to leave the edge soon, maybe, the riders want to go back home, see their families. Hiccup needs to make sure Stoick is okay.

Maybe Hiccup even offers to build a place for Krogan to stay that is close or attached to his home, if Stoick is okay with it. Krogan finds that he’s never really alone, which; he doesn’t mind as he’s slowly healing and trying to regain his strength.

Yahahaha that’s so cute! I also really like thinking about how Stoick would react, especially since he knows about Drago while Hiccup doesn’t (and I don’t think Viggo exactly knows)! Maybe even some little bonding between Krogan and Stoick if they ever realise they both know him and how he’s hurt them both (obs Krogan a bit more closer and longer but Stoick is still pretty messed up by the whole attack thing). It would also be pretty funny since they’re both kinda awkward and try to not really show everything they feel and they had those fights against each other too. Maybe even as a reference to All Bark No Bite, when Krogan was like ‘our island’ referring to the hunters, maybe Stoick once they get a little more comfortable refers to Berk as ‘our island’ as a call back but also as a ‘yeah you can call this place home now’ kinda thing.

Also with the limb thing I kinda started thinking about, what if Hiccup had to amputate it or something (maybe with Fishlegs help) and he probably wouldn’t have very good skills or equipment to do so but if he’s the only one around there isn’t much choice. They fix it up a bit better later but it would probably be pretty traumatic all round.

Also I love the thought of him starting snappish and then getting subdued over time and them all just talking or not talking and Hiccup (probably somewhat awkwardly) trying to talk about his day. I can I imagine him trying to subtlety encourage Krogan to open up a bit but it’s not actually as subtle as Hiccup thinks lol. Also tho possible tense conversation of needing to go back to Berk, I feel like Viggo and Krogan would definitely bond over that being a difficult thing! And them promising to have each others backs no matter what happens. Hiccup would probably tries to reassure them that he would support them too but they would both probably have some doubts about Hiccup choosing them over Berk so they take comfort in each other for that in particular.

Also just them building his brace would be so sweet cause it’s like a project and all that plus him. I also kinda think it could be cute if they all spend some time adding little decorative details too and Hiccup also does a little design on his leg to match it!

[skania]

Tommy & Lizzie in S5

I’m a sucker for parallels and show-and-don’t-tell, and Season 5’s writing of Lizzie and Tommy was so good in that regard, that it honestly kind of shocked me. I was absolutely not expecting that because subtlety isn’t exactly their forte when it comes to the Peaky Blinder romances lol

I ended up gathering my favorite bits as I watched it but I wanted to finish S6 before posting this, to go over everything at once. Having finished the series, I think I’d much rather just share my thoughts about S5 and S6 separately, so here it goes lol

The TL;DR is that before watching S5, I kept seeing people say that Tommy doesn’t love Lizzie. Since I had seen so many people say it, I assumed there must be some truth to it.

But when I watched S5, I found the show told me the exact opposite.

In the first episode, Lizzie and Ada get angry at Tommy because of what happened in Chinatown. Lizzie is particularly offended by the fact that he kept this from her. What does Tommy do?

Lizzie, you need to understand. Lizzie? Lizzie, if Finn had listened to me. He keeps going Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. He zeroes in on her, something he doesn’t do with Ada.

It’s a very simple scene, but it stablishes something important in regards to Tommy’s and Lizzie’s marriage. Despite what he might not say, Tommy cares about Lizzie’s opinion. He values it.

This is further developed in Episode 2. The very moment he is alone with Arthur, Tommy asks him about Lizzie and Ruby.

He doesn’t need to know what she’s been saying, because he trusts her—and her reading of him—enough to know it must be true. This, again, shows just how highly Tommy values Lizzie’s judgement.

But that’s not the only thing it shows.

Since he knows Lizzie would say nothing but facts, knowing what she’s saying about him isn’t really important. So, he asked because through that information, Tommy would be able to gauge where Lizzie stands in regards to him now.

What Tommy wanted to know is how Lizzie is feeling about him.

Again, this is further developed in their next scene together.

Just like Arthur, Tommy burns Lizzie’s letter. Unlike Arthur, Tommy does read it first.

I feel like that alone sets the context for the scene. The reason Arthur didn’t read Linda’s letter is because he knew it was going to hurt him. He was scared of the contents. Tommy said so himself, earlier, that he and Arthur are the same person. Tommy could’ve easily burnt the letter without reading it, for the very same reasons Arthur himself did it.

But, Tommy read his. Tommy knows Lizzie is so disappointed in him that she’s even thinking of divorcing him.

So, Tommy deliberately tries to hurt Lizzie because he is hurt. Whether it’s because of ego or his own feelings, at this point it’s ambiguous. But what matters is that Tommy isn’t being callous because he doesn’t care. He is being callous because he does care, and he doesn’t like it. Because caring means giving Lizzie power over him, and no one can rule over Tommy Shelby but Tommy Shelby himself.

There’s a lot to say about their conversation here, specially about what Tommy tells her about the dreams he has been having. But this is already long enough as it is, so I’ll focus on two things:

Lizzie is hurt by everything his dream implies—that he has considered taking his own life, that living in peace and quiet with them isn’t enough for him—but she refuses to give him that pleasure, so she talks business. Lizzie puts on an act and implies the only thing she cares about is knowing whether there would be enough money left for her and the kids. So, Tommy does the same. He puts on an act and talks business; tells her he still feels like he pays her for it. Neither of them are saying this because they mean it. They’re just building a wall so the other won’t be able to get through to them.

Despite all this, Tommy still shows up to Ruby’s birthday just like Lizzie asked him to do. Which once again plays into everything the show has stablished about them so far this season.

Despite what Tommy may or may not say, he cares and he cares a lot. The way his usual mask breaks when Lizzie comes out screaming that she doesn’t want him back says it all. There’s raw hurt on his face, which shows it isn’t all about his ego, no.

But of course, Tommy is awfully good at making it all about his ego either way. So he pulls himself together and lashes out. When he tells her that everyone (she) fucking needs him, it’s as much of a reminder to Lizzie as it is Tommy convincing himself that it’s true.

But the moment Lizzie shows she’s willing to take him back? The guy literally melts into her.

When Lizzie asks him to let her into his head, Tommy says that doing so would “clear out” that which “needs clearing out.” This immediately reminded me of the scene where Tommy revealed that it was Lizzie who kept his heart from breaking some nights. No one else.

This is extremely important. Huge, even. But it’s not the most important line in their scene.

His wording here is pretty funny. You’d think he would tell her that he loves her, but that would be too big an admission—it would leave him too vulnerable. So instead, he tells her he owns her. That she is his.

And, really, hasn’t Tommy always been rather possessive of Lizzie? He’s always had good excuses as to why. She wasn’t telling John the truth, she shouldn’t be dating rival families.

Except, now they’re married. So, Tommy finally admits that he wants Lizzie to belong to him. That he wants no other man touching her.

But this parallel right here reveals what Tommy doesn’t say aloud.

Remember the S2 finale, where Tommy gives his infamous speech?

For Tommy, having everything meant having the woman he loved (Grace), his business, his family, his status. Everything.

And now, he is telling Lizzie that “everything” belongs to him. Including her.

So, by this point, Tommy does indeed already love Lizzie, because everything is already his. I love how the series shows it through subtle clues and parallels rather than spelling it out. It fits the characters perfectly and gives their dynamic a layer of complexity that really caught my attention.

Episode 4 only further confirms Tommy’s feelings for Lizzie. When Mosley implies that if he wants Lizzie, he will have her, Tommy has a melt-down. It’s not the business and the dangers Mosley represents that get to Tommy, no; it’s the thought of putting Lizzie in danger.

Right on cue, Grace shows up to haunt him. And what she tells him says it all. It’s not the stone that was cursed, it’s him. It’s Tommy who got her killed.

Grace bringing that up at this point shows that what is making Tommy freak out is the fact that he is terrified that the same fate will come to Lizzie. That he will bring her harm, too.

In the next scene, he is contemplating jumping off a bridge when he sees himself ferrying Grace off, buried under coal. While Tommy refuses to accept it, Ada spells it out. That vision is a representation of his guilt.

Of course, the show just happens to confirms this through a conversation between Tommy and Lizzie out of all people.

When Lizzie feels guilty about her past as a prostitute, Tommy caresses her cheek and tells her that it’s all a “pile of bodies” just “floating by”. The imagery is clear parallel to when Tommy saw Grace’s body ‘floating by’.

It’s at this very moment that the season finally confirms what Tommy hallucinating Grace actually means. The first episode is a misdirection; Grace doesn’t manifest because of the love they felt for each other.

No, Grace manifests because she is the embodiment of Tommy’s guilt. She is not there because Tommy is still in love with her.

After this, the season is much more straight-forward about Tommy and Lizzie. Tommy went as far as to convince Aberama Gold to temporarily let go of his grudge so Tommy could carry on his business with Mosley. But if Mosley “lays a hand” on Lizzie, Tommy will disregard it all and murder him.

And then we get this gem.

So, I really do think that when you look at all the parallels and calls-back, the show does make its case clear even without putting it into words.

To wrap this up, I feel this scene right here plays an important role into Tommy’s behavior around Lizzie in S6.

He trusts Lizzie, he trusts that she knows him. So when Lizzie tells him what she sees on his face, Tommy doesn’t want to deal with it because she’s seeing things that even Tommy himself doesn’t want to admit are there.

Lizzie knows him, yeah; but she isn’t supposed to know him better than he knows himself. That scares Tommy, because he needs to be in control and how can he do so when Lizzie can read him like a book?

But I digress because I’ll probably end up writing a post about S6 too lol

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Trophy Chapter Eleven

Masterlist

You try thinking for yourself and Daddy isn't to pleased and its going to end in tears.

Warnings: Adult Situations 18+, Smut, Angst, DDLG, DOM/SUB, Punishment, Spanking, Tawse, Crop, Ass play, Pacifier gag, Wetting, Wedgie, Toys, Humiliation, Overstimulation? and finally FLUFF cos we all need a bit of a cuddle after this shit.

A/N: So I am super nervous about this one...More so than anything I've done before just because of the wetting but it is what it is I've warned you all so read at your own peril. And this is long hence why I couldn't have it in the last chapter lol I hope this makes up for the last one though... I hope you all enjoy

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You fidgeted in the seat as Luke sat there smugly, he was pleased you had decided to come. Just a few more weeks and he would be free! free from that tyrannical mad man! no. He couldn't get to excited yet, weeks...It would be at least two before they drag him in to court and you'd sing on the stand! you'd come clean letting them know just how terrible it was to be kidnapped, to be forced into becoming a sex slave for Henry! God! Luke was so giddy he could taste the freedom...And maybe, just maybe if some of Henry's empire was left standing he could take the reigns himself. He looked over to you, you were quiet and different like you were on a mission it was slightly unnerving. You were angry and scared and confused... He could tell but there was a calm that he had only seen on Henry, he must have rubbed off on you...In more ways then one. Unable to take it anymore he broke the silence trying to dig for info. "You holding up there Princess?" you growled clenching her hands into fists still facing forward gulping, you looked wound tight ready to burst. Excellent. Hopefully you'd burst into tears as soon as they got there! what a show that would be! you come running in as a damsel in distress hell if that happened you'd be put into witness protection and he wont see you until the trial! he flinched as you snapped him out of his thoughts snipping at him in a tight angry voice, like a little hell cat hissing at him. "Don't! do not call me princess ever!" "Okay okay I'm sorry...That was thoughtless of me... I suppose you don't like that name huh?  I don't blame you though what he put you through and all" you turned to him rolling your eyes at him. Really? but once he started he couldn't seem to stop, unable to shut him self up. "Not-not that I'd ever understand what he has done to you..We hear it but... We try to stay away-" "Then your complaisant in it? you knew but never helped...You know what it's like? You ever think what it feels like to have someone use you? Play with your body like a fucking toy?...To force themselves on to it? into it? no, no you don't, you try not to don't you? You would rather just turn a blind eye and ignore the screaming girl up in the bed room...You run and hide away like a coward" your words were cold and bit into him, there was an animosity there that he had yet to see in a female was this it? the famed 'girl power' that reared its head in the most dire of circumstances...Shit you were holding up to well,all previous thoughts of a simpering damsel died at your sharp tone...Like ice picks cold and biting, he had to know what you were going to say before he got there to come up with some bullshit excuses. He moved uncomfortably at your words...They hit a little to close to home. "..You decided what your going to tell them?" You gave a tight smile he had no idea what you were about to do, that you'd already figured him out, the man new nothing of subtlety...He was nothing like Henry, he was trying to be but...No there was only one king in this city and he was currently being questioned, you turned to him again and nodded wanting to placate him for the time being. "Yes I have...Do you have the bail money...I don't want to be here to long" "Well that depends of what you tell, them-"you interrupted him he was to be quite frank doing your fucking head in and you needed to focus anything you said today was going to have to be perfect and vague, You shook your head tutting and looked at him exasperated. "I don't have much to say I won't be in there long" you moved your head looking out the window as the building passed you by you had to hold your nerve in there. Had to tell them what you wanted them to know...Nothing else, nothing more. Go in a quick statement and get out with Henry... And when he gets angry; which he will your going to drop Luke in the shit you've had enough of the lies. "Look I can-We can help each other if you'd just tell me what your going to say-" you growled out in annoyance and finally snapped at him. "Could you shut up? for two minuets?  just two fucking minuets?! fuck sake I'm going to deal with it okay..Just don't wanna wind up dead okay just ...Drop it" He got the message and kept his mouth shut the rest of the way not making a sound as he pulled up at the station you got out before Luke could stop you on a mission. You entered and made your way yo the front desk. "I'm here for Cavill are they done yet?" Luke staggered up behind you trying to figure out just what the fuck was going on. Why had you asked about Henry? Wasn't you about to throw him in the shit? you were supposed to throw him under the bus and set Luke free...Or was this cover to get an interview or something?The officer blinked looking to you then Luke before continuing in a bored tone. "And...Who are you exactly?" you steeled yourself trying to be more than you were, wanting to be taken seriously as an adult and...It had been a while since you had that, it was a little daunting. "His girlfriend and this is our driver...What's his bail?" The officer looked at you frowning then to the screen she began typing away giving you sidelong glances as if she knew you. a few moments later she turned back to you. "Err well nothing...Mr Cavill hasn't formally been charged he is still in questioning" you nodded and leaned forward slightly that didn't make sense Luke said? Oh shit!fuck fuck fuck! You should have just stayed home! You faltered realizing just how gullible youd been, if he wasn't arrested then that means the police really didn't have anything on him, you didn't need to make a statement to help Henry out! You quickly decided you needed to get out of here. Try to go wait in the car or something. "When will he be done? its been hours " The woman at the desk shook her head "I'm afraid I can't discuss that with you-" you nodded gojng to walk back out side but Luke gripped your arm in a tight grip, he would not let you walk out of here not when he was so close to getting his way! "I thought you wanted to give a statement about last night you are a witness...I'm sure they would like to here your account of what happened y/n" you swore panicked and tried wriggling out of his grasp but no i was too late. The officer blinked at Luke then to you slowly seemingly remembering something and pointed to you her face lighting up. "Wait Y/n? Your y/n y/l/n?" You frowned at her unsure how she knew who you were but nodded slowly uneasy you looked to Luke who just smiled at you. "Yes how did you?" She nodded to the missing persons board you were there dead center, that hadn't been there previously did they know? "I? What?" The officer got up walking around to your side she looked smug like the cat that got the canary as she came to a stop before you clasping your hands in hers. "We definitely need to take a statement from you, follow me" Luke gave a hard shove making you fall in step behind the officer, you glared back at him but he just stood there stuffing his hands in his pockets he looked pleased with himself as you sent one final glance over your shoulder as you were taken into a room alone with an officer. They would break you, you’d squeal, Henry would go inside and he would be free and take a decent retirement for Henry's stash!

Henry chuckled as he sat there refusing to answer the questions choosing to invoke his right to remain silent...He'd been here hours but he knew they cant keep him long. They have nothing, absolutely nothing on him! they never do. Stephan was mentioned so he knew that little twat was the one behind it..most likely pressing charges, or trying to press charges on him. nothing would come of it he wasn't there he was at home. "Did you have any contact with Stephan last night?" "No comment" was the droll from the bored man. "You did you were seen having an altercation with him last night at your restaurant...a miss Y/L/N was there to" that got his attention the officer smirked as Henry sat up now meaning business, but Henry stopped himself and smirked at the cunt infront of him. "No comment" "...did you know she has been reported as missing for nearly five months Mr Cavill?" "You fucking leave her out of it!" the officer smirked "So you do talk Mr Cavill...you know shes going to need to be questioned Stephan named her as an accomplice...did she know about this incident Mr Cavill?" Henry growled low and leand forward glaring angrily at the officer who flinched back suddenly not feeling so safe in his uniform.Good he shouldn't "No comment" "What is your relationship with miss Y/L/N?" "No comment" "Ah right that’s a shame... She said that your her boyfriend...Should I go tell her you wont even own up to that? it’d only take a moment...Shes giving a statement in the room over" "Bullshit she's at home" "Home? Your home because she isn't at hers" fuck Henry snarled at the little man trying to play a big game...officer rook by his tag...Officer Rook was going to have a nasty fall after all this. Henry's face must have said it all as something else was wrote down then looked up again smirking and carried on.

"So a missing woman you have no ties to is living in your home and calls you her boyfriend?" "Your tricks wont work on me shes at home" a sly smiled crept across officer Rooks face, he knew something Henry didn't and Henry wasn't happy. "Oh no your driver brought her here..Been in that room for just under twenty minuets...I wonder how much faith you have in her" Henry jumped up swearing loudly "Fuck you!" the officer smiled at him "Right well that’s all we needed today Mr Cavill your free to go we will be in touch" Henry was quick to stalk out of the room wanting to get to Luke asap he stopped short as you were escorted out of the room next to him a female officer patting your shoulder. "That’s all miss Y/L/N thank you for your cooperation..We will be in touch if we need anything else" Henry froze his blood ran cold as he watched you move away from the officer you turned and lit up.You little Bitch

You were escorted into a room sitting down with another woman a kind looking woman. She was down giving a convincing smile but you didn't buy it they wanted you to throw Henry under the bus. She offered you a drink but you refused and took a seat instead. "Now..Miss y/l/n we are going to just ask you some questions today about last night? Okay? And if...If there is anything anything at all that you want to let us know we will listen...We have...Ways to keep you safe...Okay?" You nodded deciding it'd be best to play meek little woman for the time being. "Right did you see Stephan last night?" wow she wasn't wasting any time was she? you nodded no point in beating around the bush you wanted this over. "Yes I did" she moved shuffling her papers getting ready for some juicey info no doubt. "Can you tell me about that? What happened?" "He came to the restaurant...Must have followed us there wanted me to take him back, groveling really I said no" she nodded writing down your answer "And by us you mean you and?" "Henry..Me and Henry were having a date night somehow Stephan found out and got in, he wanted me to go back to him...He is my ex and can't move on...He was escorted out after I told him to leave...I don't want to see her again" she hummed writing down everything you said. "So Henry is your boyfriend?" and here we go, twisting the topic trying to find out as much on Henry, last nights incident a ruse to get you in here, just as you expected. You fluttered your lashes like a woman in love, excited and happy you didn't want her to know you knew what she was up to. "Yes! we have been together for a few months...Its serious..Think he might be the one! But Stephan is bitter over it, he doesn't like Henry would do and say anything to split us apart...Stephan and I ended on a bad note" she nodded fraighning a sympathetic look she didn't really give a fuck she wanted dirt on Henry. "A difficult break up?" you shook your head at her this was not going to fall on you! "Sudden...I he had been lying to me and using me I found out and left he wasn't happy...He followed me about scared me then one day he saw me with Henry and I was happy and he got worse" she quickly scribbled down a few more sentences. "And you said you'd been with Henry for a few months...Does that have anything to do with your disappearance?" You faltered heart pounding away did you? Should you? Your mouth went dry.This was it...the moment you could...you frowned should you do it? You came here to get him out, you had no real reason to protect him or give him loyalty.? Accept you loved him...Did you? Was it real this time....There was a painful jab that hit your chest when you thought about never seeing the beautiful man again, it was fleeting but it solidified our resolve. As you opened your mouth to answer she spoke quickly trying to sway your decision. She moved placing a hand on yours on the desk. "Y/n? Are you okay? You can tell me...We can help you" you blinked and slipped your hand back and down into your lap. "No I'm fine I-I was hiding from Stephan... I knew he wouldn't stop bugging me, looking for me and Henry he offered me a place to stay and I've been there ever since we...We fell in love and that was it..." you took a deep breath she didn't believe you but she couldn't discredit you. "So you live with Mr Cavill consensually? Of your own free will?" "Yes I do...I love him..." her face went tight and twitched she wasn't happy. She quickly changed her tone sounding a little snippy with you. "And why now? Why come out here now?" "Because Stephan is trying to ruin my happiness... As far as he is concerned if he can't have me no one can...I'm not sure what he is accusing Henry of...But he didn't do it he was with me all night" she perked up at that looking at you intently "All night? are you sure that he didn't slip away? For ten? fifteen minuets?" you shook you head at her giggling a little. "No he didn't, I'm never left alone when we play" she faltered not understanding what you meant. Good, this will make for an awkward conversation that she will want to end. "Play?"  you smiled blushing a little at her and shifted in your seat. "We have a particular interests... But I can tell you he was with me last night...We had a very intense night" that made her even more confused...And you thought you were being pretty clear so shes either innocent or just fucking dumb! "I don't understand? I'm afraid we need more then that...We need a reason" You looked around the room sighing fuck, fuck fuck! Your gaze traveled back to her your eyes squinted she was pissing you off. "I err...Its embarrassing" you went silent for a few moments looking to your lap picking at your skirt your confidence draining did they need to know...but it was the truth. "Everything is confidential? Right...just-just you and me no one else?" She lightened up sitting a little straighter in her seat thinking you’d changed your mind and was about to tell all.

"Yes, yes of course no one, not even Mr Cavill will know what has been said in here, this is a safe space for you y/n I promise" you blinked and let out a breath "Henry and I we...are into kinky sex...Bdsm...We had a very long and intense BDSM session last night Henry doesn't leave the room when I'm tied up incase things go wrong that's how I know he didn't do anything we were at it most of the night" you watched the woman flush as you spelled it all out for her and make her embarrassed you smirked a little happy that she now felt just as uncomfortable as you did. You knew that face though, she was picturing him naked...You can't blame her for getting all flustered your daddy was a fine specimen~ "So he didn't leave the room?" you bit your lip to stop your giggles when she spoke trying to salvage herself and be professional and finish the interveiw. But instead of making her squirm any more then she obviously was you spoke. "No he didn't" "Not even after you fell asleep? How can you be sure?"" wow this bitch was persistent! You stopped for a moment pausing...Why are you so sure? How could you know for certain that he didn't leave? think! think! she smirked leaning back thinking she had you but suddenly there was an idea out of nowhere and you blurted it out...This will fucking show her! "He fell asleep with his cock in me...Henry is...Large as I'm sure you can imagine...If he had pulled out I'd have woken up.....Now is that all?" You sat smug as she stuttered over her words shaking her head and swallowed dryly. Thats it bitch suck it up Daddy is coming home. "Err yes... Well just to clarify you and Henry were together all night .And you disappeared because you had a bad break up with Stephan and felt unsafe...Y ou moved in with Mr Cavill; of your own free will, and this Stephan has been looking for you,  he found you last night and tried to reconcile?" You nodded as she read back the basics "And you refused him then Mr Cavill had him escorted out?" "No security escorted him out, it was reservation only and he was causing a scene then me and Henry finished our meal and went home where we both stayed all night can I go now?" She nodded placing her pen down "Right... You may need to testify in court if Henry does get charged, or new evidence comes to light" you smiled and nodded to her she was trying to get a reaction...Anything to use you'd give her nothing! She sighed scrunching her face sourly before speaking "I will take you off the missing persons list as well" you stood thanking her as she escorted you out of the room. You followed and looked down the hall at the sound of foot steps seeing a brooding Henry stalking towards you from the next room. Your face lit up as you saw him and the two officers in the hall watched tryingnto notice any little strange details. But you ignored them both.

Henry! he was okay! You smiled turning to him and ran he looked angry but in that moment you didn't care you were just happy to see your daddy unharmed...Not that you thought the police would touch him but you had your doubts. He returned your hug stiffly rubbing your back tucking into into the crook of your neck and whispered harshly in your ear "What the fuck are you doing here little girl?" You pulled back ignoring his anger for a second knowing the officers were still watching you closely. "Shut up and kiss me" you lunged forward catching him by surprise he quickly played along moving his lips against yours moaning kissing you deep putting on a show for the police... It worked as they cringed looking away. You pulled back slowly and gasped whispering quietly. "Are you alright?" "I'm fucking livid! You are in so much trouble you have no idea whats in store for you little girl now move it!" You gasped looking up at him hurt why was he mad? Did he think you’d betrayed him? "Your..I thought you'd be happy to see me daddy... I came to help" he frowned and began walking down the hall ushering you out of the exit. "I didn't need your fucking help! I needed your obedience...You've made it worse no doubt! Just be quiet you've done enough!" You whined as he marched you to the car opening the door for you letting you climb in, you turned to him as he went to shut the door. "H-Henry please I was-" he raise a hand pointing a shaking finger at you trying to curb his anger and slapped a hand harshly on the roof of the car hissing at you. "Enough! ....E-fucking-nough!  Not a word!...You hear me?! not a single fucking peep! I'm so angry with you!" You flinched leaning back looking like a kicked puppy, why wont he listen? Why isn't he giving you a chance to explain? You had to try you moved looking up blinking away the tears blurring your eyes. "But daddy-?" He growled and leaned into the car pushing you to sit properly shoving and twisting you to face forward showing restraint he didn't want to hurt you yet. "What did I just say? Not a word! I don't want to hear a peep out of you! Not a whine whimper or sigh! You will wait until daddy wants to talk to you and not a second before!" You whimpered looking down trembling your bones shaking under the force of your fear ,he slammed the car door with an angry grunt and stalked around the back of the land rover getting in sitting next to you. He shut the door bringing a hand up to his face rubbing the bridge of his nose with a sigh he had a head ache coming. He cast you a severe look "Stop it...Little one stop your sniveling you know I wanted you at home....Put your seat belt on...Put it on now!" you ignored him to upset to really register what he said you just shivered replaying his dark angry tone controlled...Barely had you fucked up? you squeaked as he swore and lean’t across you tugging the seat belt and clipped it in harshly "Put your fucking seat belt on and stop fucking crying!" he moved tilting your head to face him, you jerked back at the cold fury lurking in his eyes. "Just wait until we get home!" you whined and quickly covered your mouth in panic not meaning to make a sound you were trying to e a good girl but it was hard when you felt so put out.

The ride home was quiet you glared out of the window feeling put out. You just wanted to help. Henry sat next to you his fist at his side on the seat you turned feeling more upset by the second. You shuffled forward to him but he didn't look at you just glowered out the window. You looked down, you shouldn't have let Luke get to you, you sniffled wiping at your eyes in vain as tears began to fall. Henry tutted at you as you cried quietly.Luke finally pulled into the garage and got out he looked back noticing that neither of you were moving. "Drop the keys and fuck off out..Everyone I want the house to myself now get fucked!" Luke sighed and nodded dropping the keys on the back seat between you and left quickly without a word. You both sat there in silence for a few seconds you were to afraid to move and Henry was to angry. He was fuming you, how? How could you go in there and tell them anything? Did you? was he wrong about you? He loved you so much, had he been blind sided? He spared you a glance it broke his heart seeing you so upset but, he was just to angry with you. He wanted to know what was said. The flicked his gaze over to where Luke had disappeared to. That was another question, the officer said Luke had brought you there. So just what the fuck was he playing at? Had you and Luke settled your differences to frame him? Or was there something more... Did you like Luke? Was he fucking you behind Henry’s back? All these thoughts raced around his head making him angrier by the second. He couldn't stand it anymore. Henry’s dark voice made you jump when he finally spoke "You embarrassed yourself today and you embarrassed me...I'm very disappointed in you and very very angry" You froze as he said this looking to him, even in this intimidating state  you couldn't help admire him, he was just to perfect to handsome and strong. His jaw twitched flexing the muscles in his shoulders and neck, his eyes had become a dark royal blue fury blurring the normally bright irises. You took a deep breath before trying to do some damage control. "I-I'm sorry I just thought-" Henry snapped his head to you and sneered menacingly, he looked like a bully like a cruel man...He looked like a mob boss all cold and fierce. "You thought what? That I needed you? That you had to come and save me? They had nothing until you opened you stupid fucking mouth!" You flinched whimpering shrinking back into your shoulders you couldn't find any words that could help calm him down but nothing you thought of would help. "I-I didn't mean to... I'm sorry" "You fucking better be little girl! Let me make something abundantly clear to you...Last night was wonderful! A step in the right direction....But nothing has fucking changed...Absolutely nothing you are not my equal! You are not even fucking close, your a baby girl, my a pet, my little fuck toy! And you have got a hell of a long way to go before I think of you as anything more then that...You just want to hope that these charges are dropped!" His word hit you hard, the most spiteful thing he'd ever said to you. You gulped trying to brush off the hurtful comments, telling yourself they were said in anger. But the damage was done, it felt like a hot poker jammed in your windpipe hitting you with a crushing force...Nothing had changed? Last night this morning? It had meant everything to you and...Nothing to him just another game, just another round in this whole shit fest you hiccuped through your quiet sobs. "Daddy I just wanted-" he growled at you flexing his fingers as he snapped at you again throwing his arms out in anger slapping the leather of the seats. "Oh I know what you wanted and for your sake I hope you fucking chickened out or you have got hell to pay!" you looked to him wide eyed did he really think you'd rat him out? that you'd leave the station with him if you'd told them everything? "I didn't tell them about...I just said last night you were with me and that Stephan came to the restaurant..That’s all" "That’s all you better have said little girl! You better be telling the truth and trust me I will have a copy of your statement by the end of the week and if your lying things are going to get very very unpleasant for you... So if I was you I'd think long and hard about what you need to tell daddy" you blinked up at him trembling his voice was tight and firm, low he had that terrifying calm and collected anger...You-almost felt impersonal...It sounded like when he spoke to Fletcher, even though he called you by your pet name you felt like you'd stopped being his little girl and was now just business, something he had to put up with, rather then something he cherished. The thought of losing him despite lying for him made you cry harder you still tried keeping your sobs quiet wanting to still be his good girl, he told you to be quiet and you couldn't even do that! You just felt so bad. He was angry so so angry your stomach twisted you were scared, scared of what he was going to do when you get upstairs, scared of what the police would do if they would try to use you against him? But most of all you were scared that in some stupid miscalculation you'd just destroyed the relationship you had with this awfully addictive man. You panicked apart of you debating whether you should run but you stayed looking down ready to face what ever Henry was going to throw at you this time however you felt like you deserved it...You'd take anything he through at you and once his anger had settled and you proved how sorry you was you could explain, what you said why you were there...Tell him about Luke and how he had tricked you and put you on the spot. After that all you could do was hope he would believe you. You'd be his good girl until he forgave you....If he ever did. "Now go wait in the office daddy has to get a few things...Wait in the corner hands on your head" you trembled again and moved slowly unbuckling the seat belt, you gave him one last pleading look but he wasn't looking at you instead he was fiddling with the car keys luck had left on the seat. You were distraught he really wasn't even going to let you explain? He was just going to punish you? You jumped out of the car then ran up the stairs into the house crying your heart out as you realized that maybe you truly meant nothing to him? that this man who you fell in love with was just toying with you and was going to throw you away once he was bored.

You cried the entire time standing in the corner your hands twisting the sleeves of Henry's sweater nervously as you had them placed on the top of your head, one slipped down occasionally to wipe your face. You were on edge terrified...What if he getting the ginger out again? the thought made you bottom clench painfully.... What if he had something worse? you shuddered at the thought was there worse? you shook the trembles making you panic and struggle to keep your breathing steady hiccuping and freaking out but you stayed standing as still as you could, you wanted to be good, you'd take everything he decided you needed then...Then what? would things be as good as they was this morning? Even though it wasn't real and he didn't mean it... Another wave of tears started and you coughed wiping your eyes and nose not wanting to be a snotty mess when he came up here. Thankfully or... Regrettably? You wasn't alone too long maybe twenty minutes or so Henry came into the office, you didn't peek you didn't want to. You heard a few items being moved and closed your eyes pressing you forehead to the wall sobbing louder. Henry turned snapping his fingers at you in warning. "Hey!...That’s enough you knew what you'd get...Now stop your pathetic crying you don't have a reason to yet little girl..." you took a deep shaking gasp biting your lip trying to curb your almost hysterical crying long high whines still crept front you against your will. You heard rattling and something being spread out over the sofa and something like a pot being place on the hard wood floor. He was calm it seemed ,well he wasn't slamming things. It wasn’t long before he came up behind you you shook knees knocking as he stood right close, his thighs skimming your ass you took a deep breath closing your eyes you dared not even breath! Henry shushed you moving your hair back combing it with his fingers gently until it was all behind you then pulled it into a ponytail still hushing you. The soft words and slow fingers did nothing to calm you, it made you anxious he was preparing you for something. "Hush now...Calm down pet, that’’s it good girl...Now you know daddy doesn't like to hurt you...No no no he doesn't but when you are naughty; and you have been very naughty he has to correct you...doesn't he pet?" The words were slow and collected a deep voice made deeper by his mood it was a tone that commanded obedience and the power to sway ones opinion with clever words. You jumped whimpering when he moved his hands from your now secure hair drawing faint lines down your back placing his large palm to your lower back then drew his hand down to the hem of his sweater that drowned you. "Today you will learn to mind me~ learn that when I put you somewhere,  when I tell you to stay you will stay there until I call you or collect you." He bite his lip at your tremble as much as he hated scaring you and much as he knew what he was about to do would most likely set you back a week or so he couldn't help be aroused by our fear. It did delicious things to you, your whole body trembled goosebumps rose across the plains of your soft supple skin and your breathing became shallow, labored whines and mewls wrapped up in each soft pant...And your eyes stunning beautiful and deep made lighter when all glassy wet with tears. As much as he would love to see them right now he needed you to obey to prove yourself, be his good little baby. He needed to know he could trust you. He also needed prove a point. "You are a pretty little thing like this, so sweet and innocent...Naive, but very very stupid much like a doll pretty to look at but nothing behind the eyes" His words were a baritone growl but what frightened you was you sounded like a thing...Not a person, he had always called you baby girl, little one..Pet but never, he had never objectified you like that before you were never just a thing. Never a doll, dolls were objects, things they were lifeless.The word coiled tight digging its way into your chest biting and ripping making you sob and panic. "Did you think daddy would let this go?..." he moved pulling the sweater higher drawing out gosebumps as he went, you were naked below no vests or bra...You didn't need them you were meant to be indoors all day. He growled when you didn't answer and tugged the sweater harshly slipping it through your fingers and dumped it carelessly on the floor. He grabbed your neck making you squeak and shake your head but fought the urge to grab him moving your hands back into position, planted firmly on your crown fingers interlocked and digging into each other. His fingers dug into your neck slowly cutting off your airway. He moved his face closer grunting in your ear a viscous whisper the words sharp and taunting. "Answer me princess! Did you think I'd let your naughtiness go? That I'd fucking let you get away with being such a back stabbing little cunt!?" You yelped as he shook you harshly you had to shift your feet to keep from tripping over your feet as his brute strength almost pulled you off your feet. But hearing a pet name did make you feel better not much but you were almost sure he wasn't going to kill you, which in your eyes became a real possibility when he sent everyone away. "No-o! No da-daddy I DIDN'T-I..I DONT DADDY PLEASE I'M SORRY PLEASE I DIDNT TELL THEM I SWEAR! PLEASE DONT-" you curled down sobbing louder fighting the urge to move, to turn and clutch at him all you wanted was in that moment was him. For him to reassure you, but what you got was biting words as he snapped at you. "Enough! Your getting what you deserve! Think you can best me do you? Well daddy has ways of keeping his little girl in line! You are mine! You hear me? Mine your mind body and soul belong you me!" In his rant he had released your neck all but ripped your skirt off and froze snarling. You did to knowing he had seen the panties you'd stupidly forgot to kick off when you came up here. "What are those?..." you went to twist to look at him but he snapped his fingers at you with a growl making you snap back up straight looking at the wall. Henry shook his head, had you been allowed to look at him you’d have seen his blue eyes blazing with disbelief and glee? Like he was happy he had another thing to punish you for. Despite what he said about not wanting to punish you he did, in his mind there was nothing better then punishing a naughty pet. He licked his bottom lip and pointed at the thin cotton, then snapped his head up? When he didn't say anything more you did turn tilting your head around and down to peek at the offending undies. "No don't fucking look at me! I asked you a question! Get your nose in the corner! What are these?" He moved a hand to sit on your covered ass and pinched the fabric you hissed as he caught a tiny bit of skin and whined jumping forward. "I..D-daddy please! I'm sorry" you jumped when he moved swiftly landing a hot slap to your bottom more followed heating your cheeks quickly making you squirm and jump trying to stand still yet wanting to throw yourself tighter into the corner to escape his palm. The tutted at your twisting hips and grabbed them in bot hands jolting you back to stand straight. "Keep your ass still! Now what are they? Hmm because they look like a pair of big girl panties on a little baby!...now what are they? You better start talking little girl!" He gave a few more strikes to your tender bottom then smoothed his hand over the cheeks smiling at the pink marks that frames the tiny undies, you bounced on your tip toes hissing and yipping at the light burn.

"P-panties! P-PANTIES I'M SORRY!please please daddy I'm sorry daddy" he tutted at you and pulled the elastic around one of the leg holes and plucked it stretching it letting it snap back making you yelp louder as it left a strip on your already sore bottom. He smiled at the cute sound. He wasn't to angry now,  he hadn't been since he took a quick breather in your bedroom but he was annoyed in fact he was having fun. He wouldn't be touching you if he was truly angry but you didn't seem to know that, and you didn't need to know either your fear would make his punishment sink in. "And what the fuck are they doing concealing that little cunt from me? Huh? What have I said about them?" His voice was almost teasing daring you to play up ,to ignore him and answer him. He plucked at them again letting it snap back painfully in the same spot as before making the tiny red welt raise throbbing. "I'm n-not allo-wed th-them o-on daddy" you shook trying to catch your beath your ass already alight and stinging the nerves warmed by his impossibly hard palm. "That’s right but if you want them on? fine you get to fucking keep them on!" He moved forward quicker than you could react fisting his hand in the back of the panties and pulled them high. You screamed moving your hands to the wall in front of you trying to stabilize  yourself. You screeched high and loud as he lifted you up by them, your weight falling into the gusset the undies crushing painfully on your cunt slipping violently between your lips then went back. It hurt as the thin cotton disappeared up between your cheeks stinging and burning your insides from the friction. You felt like you were going to be split in half when he tugged higher your toes just skimming the floor but couldn't take any of your weight. "No-daddy please stop-it hurt's daddy!" He clicked his tongue and moved his hand that held your panties side to side rubbing on your little pucker making it throb painfully, you wasn't sure what was worse the panties crushing your mound and clit or the burn of your panties rubbing the sensitive skin on the inside of your cheeks. "Kick off your shoes" you obeyed hoping he would let you down afterwards, quickly flicking the shoes off but he didn't let you down he held you there making you wince and cry out in pain panting and hissing through your teeth fat tears streamed from your squinted eyes. "This is what happens, daddy doesn't want to have to go over this with you again, if he does I will hang you up by them on the coat pegs in the foyer for everyone to see a naughty baby's cunny get its just deserts" he threatened in a deep voice sending chills down your spine. You nodded agreeing to anything if it will make him set you down. You panted taking deep breaths between your whines and pleas slapping at the wall. Trying to stop your feet from scrabbling around for purchase, each movement made your weight rock on the uncomfortable hold he had. Henry smirked and lowered you slowly and sighed at he let your feet got back to the floor he held your panties taught still. "You will not wear these again without permission if you do I'm going display you and then give you the injection and you will have no need to have any panties at all ever understand?" You nodded crying into your hands just thankful you wasn't still being held up by your ass.

Henry smiled and let go, good now that was out of the way he could move on. He captured your hands at they crept back to peel the cotton from its wedgie position he slapped them just clipping your hands with his fingers creating a swift sting. "Leave it you wanted them on remember now face me and keep those hands on your head" you turned whimpering hands back on your head. Your stomach dropp at what he was holding, an adult pacifier locking into the center of a long lilac piece of leather. You cringed shaking your head as him whining. "Nooo! no ple-please daddy I'm not-I'm not a baby please!?" He just tilted his head at you as if to say 'really?' And moved forward holding the nub at your mouth the kept your mouth shut tight but he just huffed at your reluctance.

"Open or I will open it for you, you need to be reminded that your not a big girl...But you don't want to be a little girl either it seems so now you are a baby; my baby now open your mouth" you mewled and opened up a tiny bit not really sure you wanted to see how he'd open it for you. "Good girl~ You see daddy has decided you have spoken quiet enough for one day pet he doesn't want to hear you~" Henry smiled a wicked grin nodding to you and forced the large nuk into your mouth he chuckled watching you cringe as you got your first taste of the rubber, he chose this particular  pacifier because of its size, large with an orthopedic tip that flattened out. It would pin your tongue down keeping your voice muffled and you'd sound just like a cute little baby girl! He gave a lopsided grin as he secured the gag around the back of your head watching you carefully as you eyes widened, ah there it was you really were getting a taste now. But the other plus with the tips size was it held quite a lot of fluid. You’d find in a few moments that the tip wasn't meant to be a murky golden color oh no.

That was the watered down vinegar and bitter lemon mix, not strong enough to burn your tongue but it tasted vile and the pin prick hole on the bottom would drip feed the concoction onto your taste buds, a fitting punishment for a tattle tale he thought.

"You will learn to keep your mouth shut after this pet" You pouted around the rubber in your mouth unused to the feel of your tongue being so restricted. Your eyes snapped open as you could taste something, sour and bitter it was...disgusting you whined shaking your head and gagged again as the bitter taste got worse you moved your tongue trying to escape the awful taste but soon found it was coming from the trapped rubber teet....It was being drip fed into your mouth coating your tongue. You spat trying to spit it out but is was to late as Henry had made sure it was firmly wedged between your teeth. "There she is just a little baby...A little naughty baby now go kneel on the sofa and put your head on the seat...Off you go... go on shoo" You cringed as he patted your bottom as the waddled slowly making your way over to the leather suite. It was slow going taking baby steps as each step made your ass and pussy rub against the trapped cotton. Henry didn't seem to mind trailing behind you probably admiring the view.

The journey was painful and pleasant all in one confusing messy of sensations, the thin fabric had slipped either side of your clit and pinned it tight to your pubic bone your steps made it move, the undies massaging the little bud from either side. By the time you got to the sofa you wasn't sure if the throbbing was from pain or not. You whined uncomfortably as you got into position slowly praying that he couldn't see the slight we spot you knew you left on the cotton, your pussy weeping slowly becoming needy. You tipped your head placing your forehead on the seat and looked at your legs. You squeaked as he came over and spread your knees so you could see him standing there just behind you. You whimpered embarrassed by having your undies still stuck so far up your hiney bending over had just made the material press tighter on your pussy your clit felt bruised throbbing and alive. Through the pain and humiliation you felt it, your arousal body coming to life under his harsh treatment. The beginnings of humiliation on a completely different level, you bit your lip trying to will away the sensations but it was hard. You turned your face to the side and wept. "Aww whats wrong little one I thought you wanted them on? You want daddy to take them off now baby girl?" He smoothed his hands over your back as he taunted you pulling at the loose fabric that hung over your lower back. "I-it hur-tss daddy! I'm my...Its ssore daddy Pl-pleasse take them off daddy pleasse" you begged around the bitter plastic in you mouth you flushed as your words came out distorted like a baby you had a lissp and just like a baby you were dribbling all over your chin you tried sucking it up but it just made more of the disgusting taste from the paci seep into your mouth closing your eyes as you wept quietly into the leather sofa "Aww baby whats sore? Your little clit? Hmm is it pinching? Or is your pucker thats sore?" You bit your paci and nodded squirming and pressing back trying to ease the tension. "B-BO-FTH DADDY! BOFTH...it's ss-sore pleasse pleasse! I don't like it!" He smirked and moved his hands over your back then down chuckling as he went. You grimaced as he pried apart your cheeks whistling low running his thumbs along the inner skin of your cheeks making you whine your holes twitching. Your pussy muscles coiling around itself empty and unsatisfied you groaned feeling another small rush of arousal coat the cloth stuffed against the wanton hole. "Ah ah! No chewing your pacifier~ if that nub comes off my little baby might swallow it and choke.....Now lets see about these panties....Oh my they have gone quite high haven't they baby?... Panties aren't as good an idea as you thought? Are they my little love?.... But no, daddy will not take them off yet. Your going to get your spanking with them right wear they are and when I do finally pull them off trust me you'll wish they were there to protect your little pucker." You sobbed shaking slapping at the leather weakly tears dripping down your face joining the spittal that covered your cheeks smearing around the guard of the pacifier. You peaked through your legs as he moved stepping back releasing your cheeks letting them snap back into place you hissed the action made the cotton move again clenching tight in instinct trying to push away the discomfort. Henry moved the few feet over the room to the implements he had brought down, he had chosen the most severe your punishment wouldn't be long, he could easily split skin with some of these. No it wouldn't be long but it would be effective, you will learn that pain is not the worse of punishments no, now humiliation that was a very effective tool. And to top it off he wasn't going to restrain you, you would hold position or he would start again. He smirked picking up his first choice, a tawse. Painful and biting it left deep red welts that lasted days you'd be a very sore baby. He would have to be careful no more then ten he ha decided this implement was very unforgiving and with the others he planned to use today he didn't want to over do it. You quivered staying as still as you could knowing that anything  you did out of turn would make him even angrier. You held your shuddering breaths cringing as you almost blew bubbles in your own saliva as he approched...What is that? What the fuck is that!? You almost jumped up when he stopped a breah away from you, the long strip was tucked out of sight but you knew what you saw that was a strap or-or a belt!

Henry could feel your panic and placed the tawse on your bare back letting you take a few guesses at what it was. You trembled panting panicking he frowned, he wanted you on edge, frightened not panicked and nearly passing out. He sighed and picked deciding it was best to ease some of your worries he moved it up letting it fall with a resounding slap on the leather by your side

"Look...Now this~ is your tawse but daddy will be calling it your strap, it stings and has a very nasty bite...you will get ten and then we will move on daddy has a few things he wants to make clear in this little correction, not everything is fixed with a spanking." You whimpered shifting as you turned to look at the long implement of your own doom. It was long about fourteen the fifteen inches long, about six of them was a flat sturdy handle the rest well, it was a strap long and flexible made of durable old leather. Despite looking old it was well maintained shiny like it had been oiled recently. The strap itself was two inches wide a small long v cut from the tip down to the handle, it'd swing faster. You couldn't explain the dread as he picked it up quickly looking between your legs seeing him ready himself.

"Count...You can do that cant you baby? Count to ten that’s how many daddy wants to give you... but its really up to you, being the big girl you tried to be daddy will let you decide....If you move-If you can't hold still then daddy will start all over~ So I should hope you do stay still as daddy doesn't want to be here all evening remember no biting that paci either~" you squirmed shuddering with new cries terrified.

You heard the movement, the swish as the strap cut through the air. Then he slap it was loud and sounded viscous...almost as viscous as it felt. You rocked forward and screamed high around the rubber the hit had been high on your rump and most hit the panties that gave no protection what so ever.

"Count Baby what was that?" You heaved deep breaths in shock of jus how bad that stung.

"One! It-I daddy I can’t pleassse Itss bad!" You sobbed digging your nails into the lather suite moving side to side.

"I’m sure it is but baby I can see your wet little pussy~ so it cant be to bad can it my love now ready? Daddy wants this over with, you have this and one more spanking and if your god daddy will make you feel better afterwards now straighten up the next few will be faster" you groaned catching your breath barely as he moved striking you in three quick consecutive slaps each lower then the one before. You called out the numbers two three and four screaming and bucking rocking wanting to get away but didn't want to start over, your cheek hotter than ever, the burn was extreme. You could feel the welts rise in an almost pins and needles tingle that remained. You kicked your foot up and through your hands back.

"No nonono DADDY PLEASSSEE I CANT STOP PLEASE" he simply moved your hands away.

"Well don't do the crime if you can't do the time...haha well that applies to you anyway...Now put those hands down...Now little one....In fact place them under your head...That’s it like that if I hit your fingers I could break one now you stay right there!"you whimpered putting your hands under your forehead as he waited he tugged the panties up a little more ad smiled

"Oh baby? Look a little wet spot? Are you excited? Its very cute that even when I’m spanking your naughty little bottom you still want me~" you whined as he peppered another four strikes up and down the legnth of your ass and thighs the same stinging lighting a fire on your skin.

"Noo Da-ddYYY SSTOP!" You cried harder almost choking on the pacifier. Humiliated that your pussy clenched with each hit making you cringe knowing he was looking, you could feel his eyes on it. You wailed as loud as you could with the rubber teet in your mouth every movement and sound making your mouth flood with the nasty taste that was still dribbling out onto your tongue making you cough as it went down your throat forcing you to swallow and suckle more out a nasty cycle. Henry grunted as you got louder kicking your feet before screaming as he landed another harder strike.

"Stop that noise this instant!! Honestly screaming the house down because you ended up having a well earned spanking....You know to damn well deserve it little one!" Henry's scold made you quiet down more out of fear of making him start again then actual obedience. "Two more than we are done with your strap... The final two fell and you sobbed into the leather below you adding to the puddle of dribble and tears that had formed already. He sighed rubbing your back moving his hand down to your still wedged undies and tugged slowly you sighed in relief as he pulled the trapped cotton from your ass quickly threading your legs out of the cotton with ease.

"Thank you, thank you daddy!" You sobbed Henry hissed a breath looking at your blistered ass the welts were bright and thin littering you ass in clean sweeps he could count the number of strikes he had dealt. He pressed a palm you them. You leand forward trying to rock away but he didn't let you instead rubbed softly barely grazing the strikes. "Tch Shh shh I know little one you are being a good girl... That’s it love all done see daddy hasn't got your strap now he put it away~....So so brave, brave little baby girl....But you need to learn your not Your not all grown up are you? Say it...come on tell daddy" you flushed at his words but moved to look up at him. He had nothing in his hand he moved to stand behind the sofa letting you sit up on your knees to see him.

"I'm a-a little gi-girl...A bad litt-le girl daddy!-I'm bad! I'm sorry!" He chuckled at the despair in your voice he moved forward kissing your head wiping at your tears he smiled when you moved nuzzling him sweetly trying to savor the affection. "No baby no your not bad...you were naughty and your nearly all finished...But daddy is happy that you understand your not grown up...Your not a big girl... you are a horny little one though whats all this?~" You shivered as he moved around you again holding out his hand glistening from the arousal on them. You flushed at him and moved your face away whining he chuckled wiling the fingers on your back and stepped away. "We will deal with that after this baby girl now spread your legs a bit wider...Come on now don't play up now when we are soo close to finishing my love...That’s it good girl I promise you behave just a little while longer and daddy will help with your little tingles" you flushed at the matter of fact way he had blurted it out. You spread your legs and not a few seconds later his hand appeared placing a small decorative bronze pot under your spread aching legs.

"Da-daddy? Whats? What are you-" you frowned as he disappeared from behind you making his way around the sofa as he spoke.

"Shh love this is just incase you make a mess you'll see now hold still you'll get ten on your little pucker and that's all your spankies out of the way and then we can move on, daddy will give you a little reward for being such a sweet baby and doing as your told and you can tell daddy exactly how you betrayed him~" you looked up at him over the back of the sofa blinking at him then frowned not sure you heard him, he was going to strike your actual asshole? He couldn't mean it could he? You shifted your eye to the long slim crop knowing he definitely meant it. You panicked as shifted starting to plead with him not wanting to go through something that sounded to painful. "NO NO PLE-PLEASE DA-DADDY I DONT WANT- I'D NEVER-" You jolted but he was ready quick to capture your jaw and pull you towards him and the back off the sofa straddling the bronze pot. "Oh no little one...Daddy has to know to teach you a lesson because daddy loves you...He loves his little one so much...And because I love you I have to teach you these hard lessons...Its for your own good" You moved back but he moved holding your jaw lightly moving tucking the tip of his thumb under the pacifier sheild running over your wet lip pressing up ton the tiny sliver of teet you whined as he action squirted the last few drops of the nasty mixture from it onto your tongue he smiled and shushed you. "That's it baby I know...I know its scary but I'm not going to be to hard on you..I promise just this then your punishment is over and you can have a reward for being such a good girl...Does that sound nice yeah?...Yes I know and we can get this icky paci out and clean you up" You moaned pitifully nodding resigning yourself to his final punishment praying he kept his word and wouldn't hit you as hard as he had with the tawse you don't think you could stand it

"That’s it good girl stay down...Your being so good, such a good girl just ten baby girl and you wont have to count...That’s it back down stay still"you crouched down he wasted no time swinging the crop making the end flick across your ass just clipping he tight ring of muscle, you could tel it was more of a wrist flick than a full blown swing but it was enough. You jolted up again trying to close your legs but couldn't with the bowl sat between them. Henry sighed capturing the back of your neck and pressed down keeping you bent your head on the back of the seat.

"Stay still love nine more...Just nine then its all over" you shook your head at him heaving deep breaths groaning and mewling as your ass burned that was torture you never realize just how tender it could be you felt the ring of muscle contracting against the sting that lingered.

"Now now you asked for this~ you disobeyed your daddy...I did warn you last time I had gone easy on you this time you are not as lucky now nine more" he moved quickly flicking the crop across your pucker then moved making it curl around to your front. You whined bucking away terror struck you as you quickly felt the need to go  realizing suddenly why he had placed the bowl under you, it wasn't a bowl it was a chamber pot, you shook as he struck the same way again making that terrible feeling grow you couldn't even protest. A harder strike landed just on your pucker then another even harder well placed strike. You cringed trying desperately to hold it but it was difficult each strike made you buck and tense your stomach contracting placing more pressure on your bladder. One final vicious sounding snap of the crop was all it took you cried out sobbing loudly as you began peeing into the pot below you.

Henry stopped at the sound mission accomplished. He wanted to show you how much of a little girl you really were, to humiliate you and show you just how small you were and how much control he could have over you if he wanted. He grinned looking down as you sobbed embarrassed and heart broken he moved tilting your head up to face him, eye contact was key here you couldn't forget he was here watching listening he shook his head tutting. "Oh whats this? Oh I thought you were daddy’s big girl? I thought you wanted to be a big girl from the way you went and spoke to those officers....Daddy thought his little girl was all grown up! And could handle her spanking?....But no your not a big girl are you? Big girls don't wet themselves" you cried out in pain and humiliation as once the trickle started you couldn't stop, you cringed looking down as your peed into the small chamber pot he had tucked below you. You squinted your eyes shut trying to remove yourself wanting to ignore your surroundings but it was hard you could hear your humiliation as you continued to empty your bladder into the pot. Henry smiled at your discomfort he knew this would happen, fuck he planned for it to happen many subs couldn't handle there bladders when struck so precise on their little pucker's... Especially on their firs asshole whipping. "Oh baby look you must really needed to go? no self control at all huh baby...Maybe your not a little girl? maybe you are a baby?" you pouted and whined shaking your head and gagged again as the bitter taste was still being drip fed into your mouth coating your tongue this was something altogether different just knowing he saw you peeing was mortifying a punishment in itself, you cried out pitifully. "See! Your just a silly little baby can't even ask to use the potty~ such an embarrassing little girl!...Hold on daddy has some we wipes to clean up his little one stay" you shuddered sniffling in and whining when you left him come back behind you taking away the now quater full chamber pot. You hissed as he moved a cool wet wipe over your folds but he didn't top there moving up and down cleaning your arousal from your labia making sure to be thorough. "Oh sweety that was only seven! But you did have an accident so daddy will let you off the other three... wouldn't want you to wet yourself again would we?" You sniffled ashamed nodding as he Continued to wipe around your privates then threw the wipes away out of sight. And walked back behind his desk taking a seat deciding to give you a few moments smiling when you stayed perfectly still. A good obedient girl who knew her place, waiting for him to give the okay for you to move. As it should be.

Henry twisted in the seat staring at your down turned head the way you curled up on the sofa embarrassed and heartbroken you were a very sorry little girl as you should be!. He rolled his fingers flexing them leaning his elbow on the desk watching your body shudder from the shock of his rough punishment...A part of him...A very cruel sinister part wanted to leave you there alone in your despair to deal with the aftermath by yourself. Make you beg him, realize you needed not just his love and his comfort  but also his permission...But he couldn't, he loved you despite what you'd done, despite how hard you'd just made things he couldn't leave you alone in this state no self respecting daddy forgoes aftercare not even for the worst offenses.Sighing he rounded his desk pouring himself a scotch he felt better but was still on edge. Once the crystal tumbler was half full he walked to the leather sofa placing it on the table beside it stepping over the chamber pot he'd covered and left by the desk out of sight. You shivered and whined hoarsely as he shifted you ,you wriggled wanting to be left alone but he wouldn't let you.You wept sorrowfully as he patted your bottom again and tipped you up sitting on the sofa beside you quickly seating you on his thick thighs you hissed at the friction of your welts on his soft trousers hiccuping. He tilted you bak a little one arm around your back holding one of your arms drawing small circles on your skin pulling goosebumps. One hand unbuckled the pacifier letting it fall to the floor and he wiped across your mouth cleaning you up with his disguarded sweater you'd been wearing. "Shush...That's it such a good girl its all over now all over love now can daddy have a peek? I know I caught your little pussy my love let me see....Come on baby girl open up... That’s it good baby" you let him pry your thighs apart the hand that was on your arm now holding your still quivering thigh. You blushed and whined when he lowered his head to look. Henry bit his lip he really had caught you, no wonder you were squirming and crying as you were. You were red and swollen, the hood of your clit supported a red outline of the crop. There was no cuts or grazes though which was good he moved his fingers prodding at you. Despite your wailing you had found some pleasure in the ordeal...He would have to explore this little masochistic side of yours at a later date for now he would reward your good behavior. "Not to bad darling, its not to bad a little pink but its hard to see around all your mess! Look huh? Your reward wont take long love" you shook your head trying to clamp your legs shut having had just about enough. He chuckled as you tried fighting his hold. "No no! Now come on baby...you earned it being so good for daddy and taking your punishment like a good little girl!" He maneuvered you holding you open you panted at him as you felt the cool air on both holes again. Your pussy was alive  twitching trying to find something to latch on to. You jolted when his other hand moved to you clit holding a standalone rabbit ear clit simulator,  it was tucked in his hand snugly. "No no ple-PLEASE IT'S SOOOORREE no no no no! I can’t da-daddy pleas i want a nap no nooo" he shook his head ignoring you and smiled placing the soft rubber to your erect throbbing clit and pressed it on you bucked yelping not realizing just how aroused you were it must have been lost in the stinging and heat! Only now just noticing the state you were in horny, hot, sweaty and panting. You rocked against his hand as he held the small powerful device a tight on you.He chuckled again kissing at your neck as you through your head back one hand fisted in his shirt the other on the wist prying you open for him. You whined curling up as he clicked it up a notch and made just the tips graze the tender hood of your clit. "AhAH NO-DADDY FUCK PLEASE fuckfuckfcuk NO IT HURTS DADDY TAKE IT OFF! IM NOT NOO!" You panted harder moaning letting your head fall back looking up at him moaning trying not to buck or grind as it hurt your stinging ass. "Thats a lot of adult words for such a sweet baby~" he taunted and began running the ears across your folds moving so you don't have to. He twisted his hand managing to somehow plunge three fingers in to you and balance the toy his thumb poised at the button.You grunted gasping mouth agape looking at him pitifully trying to chase your end that was building. You loved and hated the feeling all at once. His finger moved in individual rhythms twisting and curling this way and that stretching you. Drawing patterns on your insides avoiding that one spot he knew you needed him, you mewled quietly as he lowered his head mouth just above yours staring at your glazed eyes as he growled working your pussy for all its worth. He opened his mouth and laughed breathing you in.

"Come on love~ so good be a good girl and cum I know you want to~" you moaned and moved tucking your head in the crook of his neck as your walls clenched wanting to keep him inside as all costs. Your indies felt like they were being treated to a Pampering as his finger pads stroked them making your nerves buzz under his perfected ministrations. You mewled loudly into his eck as he finally relented twirling his fingers inside you rubbing your spot harshly forcing you to tighten around him you yelped and twitched curling your abdomen as you trembled his finger moving firmer and firmer circling and tapping as he thrusted into you the sloppy sounds made you flush and whine again gasping as your body shuddered uncontrollably you could feel it. Just with in your grasp! Our insides were hot and wet twisting around his fingers as they moved faster slapping the vibrator against your clit with each deep determined thrust.

"Ah AH AH FUCK-YES PLEASSSEE-I DADDY!?" you fisted your hands in shirt turning to clutch at him bucking trying to ride his fingers. Your ass burned and your insides twitched. You grinded faster grunting at him when he flicked the vibrator higher that was it! You burst comming undone on a loud moaming and withering. "DADDY!~ AH FUCK FUUUCK PLEASE DADDY UGH YES ITS -so good so-thank you thank you daddy I’m sorry! Im sorry I didn’t it wasn’t-" Henry just held you removing his now drenched fingers, youd cum hard. He could feel your body go slak cagainst him s oothing your hair back kissing your cheek and neck.

"Thats it my precious girl~...my good baby , perfect little one its all done....thats it all done my love so good" you wept into him eve rything catching up to you you hugged his neck breathing him in just hopeing he now forgave you, calmed down enough to listen not that you thought you could say much you were just to messed up. He held you for what felt like hours rocking and shushing you.

"I-Im sorry but I really didn’t tell on you daddy...I really didnt i wouldnt...I love it here...even when you...do this i feel good after...better" Henry held his breath for a few seconds and smiled. He kissed your head and wiped your tear stained face.

"Do-do you forgive me daddy?" Henry took a deep breath and didnt answer that made your heart clench your tears coming back how you had any left to cry was a mystery to you. You placed your hands over your face and sobbed. He didnt he still hated you, he would find out what you said and throw you out you just knew it!. Henry noticed his mistake to late as you broke down in his lap again, he moved to pull your hands away from your face but you jerked shrugging him off. He frowned and pulled this time using his strength removing your hands his blood ran cold at your devestated face. You struggled to make him releas you but he didnt only held you tighted "Now now little one shh its okay...i do forgive you i love you -hey enough of that don't be so stubborn...Daddy forgives you will make it better...Shh shh you took your punishment very well...Now come up sit up for daddy" you wept not believing him as he tilted you cradling you to him. You grabbed his shirt crying harder hiccupping still a sorry mess your body throbbed you were exhausted and your nerves were shot. And your mouth still had that vile bitter taste. "D-Daddy I'm-I'm sorry so-o sorry daddy please- don't leave! Dont throw me out please i dont i want tobe here with you! I didn't he told me to! He-he pushed me...told them I knew!" you babbled still frantic trying to calm down Henry rose a brow "What baby zIm not...is that what this is about oh honey im not going anywhere and im not getting rid of you love.....okay? Your here with me and everything is all better but i need you to tell me exactly what happened Who pushed you baby? Hey hey shush thats it baby doll who told you- what did they tell you?" You sniffled loo,ing at him for a few seconds and took some deep breaths still jnsure of where you stood but you had to talk, to help him you could fix this, you could. "L-Luke...He he sai-d that you needed m-me...That I wa-as going to prison with you!" Henry growled and you flinched away again but he was quick to console you stroking your hair you were still shivering and trembling...probably getting cold now. He moved pulling a small fluffy throw he kept in here for you and wrapped it around your shoulders concealing you completly in the heavy blanket. He rubbed your arm lightly trying to encourage you. He moved his drink to your lips. "Come on a small sip...Thats it good girl..haha oh I know its strong huh? shh thats it now daddy needs you to tell him what Luke said to you princess" you looked up at him and shook your head as another wave of tears started and you tuccked into him leaning your weight on him resting your head at his heart letting the soft thumping sooth you. "Hey hey its okay little one...You can tell daddy...Daddy isn't mad anymore he just wants to know what was said...You can do it your such a good baby...I need to know were you plotting against me?" You looked up at him through your tears shocked and gasping your heart shattered at the broken look on his face cracking his gaze was so defeated another wave of panic washed over you.No he can't you have to tell him! tears fell as you shook your head. "I-I didnt! I swear daddy I didn't say anything! They wanted me to make a statment..She recognized me! Luke told her daddy! I didn't have a choice-" Henry growled moving the drink to his mouth taking a long sip the plced it on the side table with a soft thump. Yhen with a loud intact of breath he began speaking irritated and exasperated. "And you know what? He wouldn't have if you'd been here at home like daddy told you! would he baby? noo you wouldnt have been in this situation now if you'd just been a good girl!" You wriggled back whimpering quivering at his dissapointed tone feeling scared and small. You clutched at him worried he was starting to get all wound up at you again. "Now..What else happened now that your calmed down I can make sense of it all" he lifted you perching you on his knees, for a second he smiled at you naked and quivering wrapped in the throw, your red tears stained face and guilty pouting expression made you look the part of a very well punished little girl. He moved his hands across you gently rubbing you trying to ease your tight acheing muscles. "I-I Luke..he said I'd need to be there!" Henry frowned "What did he say love? I don't think you'd fall for just that" "Af-after they took you away...Said you were going to prison...That I'd go to prison to....he said that they had something big and-and that I needed to make a statement, tell them about Stephan last night or you'd be put away...And-and to pay bail money!" He hummed tucking your hair behind your ears and froze moving his fingertips down your jaw lightly frowning. Bail money? "Bail money? baby I didn't need bail..They I wasn't arrested my sweet girl" "I didn't know that till he got me there! I didn't-please daddy he made me! He said I didn't have a choice! That you were arrested and if I didn't come pay the money I'd never see you again!..He scared me! he was mean! He called me names to making me cry- a-a sexy doll and slut! and-and when I was upset he started saying I'd go to prison to cos I'm your girlfreind! thats all that's why I came there! He said I had to...To save you!...That you needed me..."Henry eyed you carefully and tilted your face up again you were determined to avoid his gaze and he didn't like it. But then again he didn't like the fact he had jumped the gun and wailed on you before hearing you out you either. Yes he stood by his punishment....Well some of it you should have stayed here. But maybe you didn't deserve such humiliation, it was a god send you were now telling him everything after what he had just put you through. He motioned for you to continue wanting you to explain. "He-he wanted me to...Tell them...About how I got here...He didn't say it...But thats what he meant...and then he told the police i wanted to tell on you..i didnt i realized then and just wanted to wait in the car...Luke pushed me to go with her to that room" Henry hummed he believed you it wasnt hard, Luke wanted a way out, and the man didn't like you one bit hed have no qualms about sacrificing you to save his own skin. But it was risky pinning all his hopes on you and fucking stupid did he really think you wouldn't tell your daddy what luke had been up to? could Luke really be that stupid? Henry cursed watching the tears fall from your eyes and you trembled. "Please-please daddy you have to belive me I'd never- I don't want to leave...I don't want you to leave me daddy please..." though pitiful as your pleas did sound sincere henry felt a deep pit forming in his stomach. he had just put you through hell, he made you fucking piss yourself! and used the most painfull of his arsenal. He felt like a right cunt!

"Shh Shh it's alright baby...Daddy believes you daddy believes you baby girl....He frightened you into going in? So Luke's trying to set me up now? Along with Stephan heh... You sure your not going to join them pet?" He meant it as a joke but your reaction was instant You shook your head holding your tender neck smoothing your cool fingers over it. "No...Stephan wants me to go down to...Luke said he is bitter...Stephan knows I slept with you last night" you mumbled slowly wanting hims to believe you, you needed him to believe you, to understand you were helping him! He looked up confused he began rubbing the back of your neck his warm palm helping eamse. the pain his other hand rose and scratched your scalp slowly letting you move your head angling it to get his hand where you wanted it at the side of your head.   "What was that love?" you hummed twisting your head again as his strong fingers massaged your scalp harder in slow circles making your tension headache fade. You licked your lips before starting to explain to him what had been said. "Luke told me Stephan knows about us..That he was angry when they dropped him off..Was really mad- should I not have known daddy?" Henry cursed and chuckled shaking his head fucking unbelievable. You flinched as Henry moved collecting you in his arms again holding you tight kissing your head breathing you in.Henry was quickly starting piece everything together, it wasn't Stephan... Well not really it was Luke manipulating everone trying to play in a kings game!.  Your whimperes pulled him out of his thoughts and he spoke soothing you. "No it isn't that....Babygirl I just I know whats going on Luke told him about us...Luke provoked Stephan and You... He was using you both...He was counting on you telling them everything...I?- did you? Tell them everything?" you cringed at how uncertified he sounded he small his voice ended up being, it made you feel uncomfortable. You shook your head smileing at him shyly. "No-no daddy I didn't, I said that Stephan came to the restaurant, that he is an ex who can't get over me and has a grudge against you...And that I didn't go missing I found out Stephan was using me to left cos I was scared of him and you offered me a place to stay...And...And that I-I'm in love with you.." Henry blinked sighing flopping back into the seat with a sigh maybe you did help him then. If you could both make it out to be a jealous ex lover it'd explain your sudden disappearance and why Stephan was so determined to pin this on him. "Anything else? I need to know" you twiddled your fingers at him and nodded feeling slightly embarassed but you knew he had to know...It's just...how was he going to handle you telling the police about your sex life? you flushed just remebering it, it had been so fast you hadn't really tought about the fact they now knew that you got tied up and spanked. Henry furrowed his brows at you as he watched you go pink...What the fuck had you said? "Th-they want me to testify... About Stephan....They took the statement about what happened last night...And after that she- the lady tried to say you'd have done..What ever they think you did, once we got home I said you couldn't have cos...Well you never leave me alone in a scene...She didn't understand so I had to tell her...A-About the err BDSM thingy... She carried on saying youd have left when i was asleep and ...I had to say something...So I told her...I said that you couldn't have slipped away during the night cos err... well i kind of said you slept erm in-inside me so...I'd know if you...yeah" Henry grunted trying to bite back a chuckle as you flushed brighter. "Cockwarming? Thanks for that....How'd you even? Do you? Do you want to try that baby doll? Want daddy to keep you full all night?" you flushed brighter he chuckled relaxing feeling much better he didn't think you had dropped him in it..Not yet anyway but he would have to keep you on a very short leash they would take this to court its the closest they have come to getting him. he sighed into your hair kissing your head again, you hadn't handed him in, and Luke... Yes it made sense Luke would have known that he didn't need bail but you wouldn't, it would make sense to you you didn't know any better. Just that alone made him believe you. He moved forward making you squeak and hold him tight as he heaved you up in to his arms and stood moving the blanket to cover your form and keep you warm then made for the bedroom wanting to give you a shower and put you down for a bed. An early night was what you needed now after a day like today.

Henry smiled looking at you curled up in the bed, you'd been good letting him take control and look after you. You'd only whimpered when he was washing you as he moved across your swollen bruises and welts he'd left across you. He felt guilty but what's done is done.  He can't take it back no matter how much he wanted to, he tried making it up to you by lathering each and every mark with kisses as he massaged lotion into your damp skin afterwards, being careful to rub away your tension it was that; that had sent you off to sleep and somehow he had dressed you in fussy pajamas and tucked you in whilst you were in a deep sleep. He was happy even in his guilt, he would admit he jumped the gun but he now had a new target.

One that had no idea he was coming for him, one who had a very high price to pay, no one upset his baby girl, no one scared her. He couldn't tell if he was more angry over the fact Henry himself had missed the signs or if he was angry over the fact he had taken it out on his little girl before letting her explain.

Once he was sure you'd be safe and sound up here he moved to the side whistling in a high pitch through the house hearing the tapping of claws. Kal climbed the stairs panting happily making him smile at the bear. "Kal come on you lazy boy time to earn your keep...In" he motioned the dog to enter the bedroom with a flick of his head, the akita followed Henry's instructions and entered the room then turned to look at him as if to say 'now what?' Henry reached out ruffling his ears and scratched the dogs muzzle before moving cupping Kals chin making him look at him. "Now you look after your mother....You keep her safe boy understand?...Good now go give her snuggles she needs a bear hug" kal gave a quiet 'boof' then got up and pounce onto the bed curling up between you and the door making Henry grin before closing the door. Once in the hall he took a breath and locked the door, no one was getting in tonight. He did one final check making sure his knife and gun were both concealed once satisfied he pulled the tight fitting suit jacket around his abdomen and fastened the button then began walking,  his polished shoes echoing off the floor he tried to be well dressed when being out on business, he pulled his phone from his pocket as he made his way down the stairs. "Hello Liam how would you like a promotion? oh you would? great meet me down at Pearls..Bring Luke...Oh your there already? enjoying the new girls I take it?...Theres no need to thank me...And Luke's there to? Excellent Keep him there I will be with you very shortly!" he hung up grinning tonight was going to be very smooth and clean by the sounds of it. It was time to take care of a rat.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Malec’s problems with communication are probably one of the better handled things the SH writers wrote. It’s nuanced and very in character, it’s speaks to Alec and Magnus’ different histories, personalities, and love languages. It’s never out of malice, it’s just something they genuinely struggle with. They’re the only couple on the show that received the time and care to develop and be shown working on it.

They’re also both badass in their own right and often the voices of reason while the rest of the characters are clowning and creating problems for our boys to solve. I enjoyed other characters and elements of world building but overall I kept coming back for Malec, their relationship and personal struggles.

Personally I really resonated with their communication issues since I had a similar problem with a close friend. I was like Alec- very straightforward and honestly not great at picking up subtleties, while she was similar to Magnus- had trauma and hated confrontation which meant she left hints and downplayed stuff. It’s totally understandable that both she and Magnus struggled to be open and honest. Except she had the nasty habit of blaming me when I didn’t get her hints and telling me it was my lack of empathy hurting her. Thankfully Magnus never did that to Alec. Your answer to that last ask (about post-coital Malec talking about Magnus’ eyes) made me feel better since I always felt guilty that I had failed her when really she had failed herself as it was on her to communicate properly- so thanks. 💜

I think if we had been given more time with our boys Magnus would have had some great growth in not keeping things to himself and I would have loved to see Magnus heal more. It’s what someone with his big heart deserves!

Ps sorry for the long ask & personal story!

no need to apologize! i love any (non hateful obviously lol) asks, but particularly long and personal asks. im not sure how coherent my answer is going to be because i'm still a bit anxious rn and there's a lot on my mind, but here we go

i agree with you. i also relate to alec a lot because my one mode when it comes to emotional communication is open, direct talking. and honestly it's something i am proud of. i am proud of the fact that it's easy for me to just sit someone down and say what i think i feel, because this solves so many problems and is the best way to do it imo. i don't hold it against people who have trauma and struggle to communicate, obviously, because i get that as well. it took me years of therapy to be able to understand that my problems are worth approaching and talking about, not just other ppl's (with other ppl i was always like alec lmao). so like, i get why people might have a hard time being direct about issues, but i'm still proud of myself for being the way i am because i do believe it's the "best" one

and i also suck at catching hints so like 🤷 i make fun of alec and joke about it because i RELATE to it, i think its funny and i see myself in him cuz if u throw a hint my way i am 99% likely to not even notice it hitting me on the face. so jdnfid when im teasing alec i'm not being like "what a dumb useless bitch", im being like lol relatable

and i agree, i think this was an issue that was actually approached and that was nice? and that i think the fandom sometimes latches too much on in the sense of being like OH WOW PROBLEMATIC or something but it's just... an issue they have, you know? and that makes sense and like, every relationship in its initial stages/months is gonna suffer from communication issues until the people involved get a hang of each other and how they work and communicate. it's normal. and it's something i liked and that drove me to malec personally? because while yeah, they had their problems with talking, they always tried (particularly alec) and they always understood each other and never held their differences against each other

i also agree that it's great that magnus never held it against alec (not that i ever thought he would, but it's usually a trope) because yeah we are taught that when in a relationship people should be able to "read" the other and tell what they feel and want, and that leads to a lot of problems imo. because neither part feels like it is their responsibility to communicate clearly and both are always trying to guess what the other wants. it's just an exhausting way to have a relationship and i see it leading to a lot of problems IRL, and a lot of ppl who genuinely believe that a partner who doesn't guess how you feel doesn't love you enough, which is bad not only for that relationship but for the person who doesn't communicate because they don't work on their issues and the trauma behind their communication issues

so i was glad that we never saw magnus act like that. i think magnus is very self aware and he KNOWS that he needs to work on that and he doesn't expect alec to just guess or get angry when he doesn't get it. and alec never held it against him that it's hard for magnus, either, which is also nice. so honestly i liked that that was a great part of their relationship? it's not perfect, but it's not supposed to be, and the fact that they respected each other and tried to listen to each other and make it work the best they could is more important to me than it would have been if they always immediately got what the other meant. i think it's an important message, you know? that relationships are something you build and that they will have problems that need to be worked on over time, cuz ur working with what uve got

so yeah it was a flaw about them that i appreciated, and i liked how the show didnt choose a part of the relationship to be The One At Fault like they so frequently do, they are just two different ppl with two different styles and backstories and baggages doing the best with what they've got. and that is so, so refreshing to see, because i'm tired of couples that are either perfect right off the bat, have problems that are never addressed as problems, or just have every issue be someone's fault when i genuinely believe that when it comes to interpersonal relationships no one is at fault or to blame 99% of the time, it is just that different people's traits might lead to clashing

so like in short i don't think magnus and alec or their relationship is perfect, but i think it's mature and i enjoyed seeing the way they tried to build it. and i relate a little bit to both of them, although in that particular issue i am almost 100% alec

does that make sense? udndi

[yumeka36]

Thoughts on Rebuild of Evangelion (all movies plus ending interpretation)

*Artwork credited to リオ on pixiv*

Now that Evangelion 3.0+1.0 Thrice Upon a Time, the last movie of the Rebuild of Evangelion saga, has been released, I'm finally ready to discuss all the movies as a whole, including my interpretation of the ending...

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD!

I've been a fan of Evangelion for nearly 20 years, starting back in 2002. After hearing the series praised by some classmates, I asked for the DVD set of the original TV anime for Christmas that year. I was 15 years old and a fairly new anime fan at the time, so naturally I was blown away by the show. The Internet was young then, and since there were no fandom wikis or YouTube explanation videos available in those days, I had to rely on a few scattered fan sites and my own resources (mostly bonus features on the old DVDs) to try and figure out the lore and symbolism. Even though many aspects of the series, as well as the eventual "true ending" movie, End of Evangelion, left me scratching my head, I still loved it and it left a long-lasting impression on me. And now, here I am almost two decades later, sharing my thoughts about the new movies...

-Before Thrice Upon a Time was released, I hadn't touched Evangelion since 3.33 came out in 2012. I had forgotten many details, and since Evangelion is a franchise that is fraught with nuances and subtleties that can be key to understanding what the heck is going on, I wanted to watch all the Rebuild movies again before watching Thrice Upon a Time. So I plowed through all four movies this week, and I gotta say, after being away from the franchise for so many years, I'm happy to report that I still thoroughly enjoyed it. But I can also recognize that it is definitely not a series for everyone. The drawn-out technobabble, constant introduction of lore jargon with little to no explanation, and the ambiguity between what's real and what's symbolic, can certainly turn off casual viewers (it gives Kingdom Hearts lore a run for its money!) Funnily enough, as I was watching the Rebuild movies, I was thinking, "I understood the lore better 20 years ago than I do now, lol" (maybe it's because I was younger and didn't have as strong of a theorizing mind as I do now!) But after reading through a bunch of pages on the EvaGeeks Wiki, I learned enough to get a gist of the story's vaguer elements. But unfortunately, the fact that information necessary for understanding the plot can only be found by Internet research, could certainly be a turn-off for viewers. But at the same time, for those willing to make the commitment, or at least appreciate the series' other qualities even if you can't follow many aspects of the lore, it's definitely an anime unlike any other. There's a reason it's been such a well-known franchise in Japan for so long.

-Asuka has been one of my favorite anime characters ever since I saw the original Eva TV series, and thankfully, I'm happy with what they did with her character in the Rebuild movies. My only complaint is that I preferred her original backstory that emphasized her relationship with her mother, rather than having a "clone-complex" similar to Rei. However, her character development in this new storyline made up for it. The Rebuild movies really nailed her abrasive, no-nonsense personality that hides depth within. There were also more scenes that showed her "softer" side, something I always felt was lacking in the original series, such as when she confides in Misato towards the end of 2.22 and when she confesses her feelings to Shinji in Thrice Upon a Time. I also felt her initial dislike for Shinji and Rei was a bit more warranted this time; despising the fact that they were able to become Eva pilots purely by connection to Gendo while she had to work hard for it. But again, we get more hints at her kinder side when she makes the sacrifice to help Rei get Shinji and Gendo together. This is pretty contrasting to the original series, where she was always oozing hate for Rei. Even their infamous elevator scene ended differently in 2.22 compared to the TV series, where instead of hitting and yelling at Rei, she agrees to help her (in her subtle, Asuka-way). Asuka and Rei also had a brief scene together when they were at Village 3 in Thrice Upon a Time, and the way Asuka talked to her made me feel like she actually cared about her, or at least didn't hate her. But even with the Rebuild movies giving Asuka more scenes to show her goodness, they still stayed true to her tough-love personality - it's not like she suddenly started smiling a lot, or gave Shinji a passionate hug, or broke out in tears...they developed her character without making her do a 180 change, which I appreciated. Even in her final scene with Shinji on the beach before he saves her (loved that scene, and the shoutout to End of Eva there) she still reacted in her "tsundere" way (though not as harshly of course). I'd also like to mention that they made the fourteen year time-skip in 3.33 very believable in terms of Asuka's growth. I really liked the hardened, lone-wolf, protector role she had in Thrice Upon a Time because it makes sense - fourteen years had passed and she not only matured during that time, but she had spent all those years being the sole Eva pilot along with Mari fighting to protect humanity, so settling into that kind of identity makes sense for her. But yeah, Asuka's always been a great character, and the Rebuild movies made her even more awesome in my opinion.

-When I first watched 2.22 years ago when it came out, I was puzzled that they decided to put Asuka in the Eva that Unit-01 ends up destroying rather than Toji. But looking back on it it now, it worked better since they had a plan for Toji's character that had nothing to do with the Evas. I did kind of miss Asuka's friendship with Hikari though (they could have tied that into her staying with Toji and Hikari at Village 3 instead of with Kensuke). I actually wrote a WYDS fanfic for End of Evangelion way back in 2003 that emphasizes Asuka and Hikari's friendship (that's somehow still on Fanfiction.net!) But she got a friendship with Mari instead, so it's fine, lol (I also liked that they removed her crush on Kaji, which I never thought fit well in the original series). But I do wish we got to see what was going through her mind while she was stuck in the Eva and getting attacked by Unit-01. We know she was aware of what was going on because she knew what Shinji did (that he didn't try to save her or attack) so it would have been nice to see a scene or two of her reactions.

-Misato was always my second favorite character after Asuka, but I wasn't thrilled with the coldness she exhibited towards Shinji after the time-skip in 3.33. I know she probably got hardened after all those years and maybe still felt resentment towards him for initiating Near Third Impact (which killed Kaji among others). But even so, I felt like her coldness was more to keep the suspense rather than stay true to her character (plus she was the one encouraging him to do what we wanted at the time of Near Third Impact). It makes sense for Asuka to be cold to Shinji, since she was always standoffish like that, but Misato was always shown to be a source of warmth and the most "human" of the characters. But at least she made up with Shinji in the end and got to finish her story arc with a bang (literally).

-I'm not sure if it's still a thing now, but back in the day, Shinji got a lot of hate from anime fans for being too whiny and indecisive when confronted with his task of piloting the Eva. But even all those years ago, I always thought those reactions made him believable. Maybe it's because he's compared to anime shonen heroes like Naruto and Luffy, who are always cheerful and brimming with motivation, while Shinji is pretty much the opposite of those kinds of characters. But it makes sense for him to be like that...if I were a fourteen-year old kid who never knew my mother, had a father who abandoned me, and had to live on my own in a crumbling world while witnessing death and destruction all around, I'd be pretty hesitant and scared too. He's definitely not a "wish-fulfilling" protagonist like many shonen and super heroes are, but a protagonist grounded more in reality, representing a disillusioned youth. So it was nice to see him finally get over his insecurities and be proactive with saving everyone at the end of Thrice Upon a Time (compared to everyone giving him the pep talk at the end of the original series). Though I did think his personality shift was a bit abrupt...he was at his lowest point at the beginning of Thrice Upon a Time, but the one kind gesture from Rei seemed to immediately snap him out of it. A little more gradual build-up to his change would have been better, but it's a nitpick.

-Mari was an enigma in 2.22 and 3.33, so I was hoping Thrice Upon a Time would give us her origin story. Unfortunately, it didn't offer much and maybe brought up more questions than not. My main question is, we see that she knew Gendo and Yui when they were younger, yet if she was their age then, that doesn't match up to the age she appears to be when Shinji first meets her. So she must have been afflicted with the "Eva curse" all those years back, which means she must have become an Eva pilot around that time, but it seems too soon. I thought the first Evangelion pilots didn't exist until after Yui died, so Mari should have been older...I don't know, I'm still having trouble figuring out her place in the timeline. But besides that, I did like her relationship with Asuka that we see in Thrice Upon a Time. Again, it makes sense in terms of the time-skip that they'd develop a good friendship after spending all those years being Eva pilots together.

-I don't have a lot to say about Rei, since I feel her story arc is one of the simpler ones (which isn't saying much for this series, lol). The scenes of her in Village 3 in Thrice Upon a Time were endearing, though I knew they would end in tragedy. Actually, that whole part of the movie with the characters spending time in the village was great. The world-building in those scenes was fantastic too - it really felt like what a post-apocolyptic survival camp in that situation would be like. It was nice to see the characters partaking in and reacting to situations that don't have to do with Angels and Evas (spin-off series for this when?)

-And lastly, how did I interpret the end of the Rebuild saga? Was I satisfied with how it ended? Right after I watched Thrice Upon a Time, I wasn't totally sure. But after reading some more wiki pages and watching some explanation videos, especially this one here (it's a great explanation if you can forgive the bad pronunciation of the names), I've realized just how brilliant of a conclusion it is. There's been speculation that the story involves a time loop, with the events of the original TV series, as well as the Death & Rebirth and End of Evangelion movies, being different versions of the time loop, while the Rebuild movies is where the loop ends because Shinji finally overcomes the pain of his past and can restore the world this time (while he had failed to in the previous loops). I don't think it's a time loop so much as a cycle that keeps resetting and repeating. Further support for this theory is that Kaoru acts like he's met Shinji before, since he's reborn in each cycle to meet Shinji only to be killed by him later (all the coffins seen on the moon are for his past/future selves). I think the final movie title is symbolic of this too, with "Thrice Upon a Time" meaning "three times upon a time," the three times being the three cycles of the Evangelion story: the original TV series, the movies Death & Rebirth and The End of Evangelion, and finally the Rebirth movies. But mostly, the scene towards the end where Shinji meets Rei in the anti-verse, and they're standing in what appears to be a filming room while projected images from the Eva TV series are shown behind them. This to me symbolizes that the original Eva series exists in the Rebuild movies as one version of the cycle, and Shinji has now finally broken out of the loop. Once Shinji has saved everyone, the filming room (which symbolizes the old versions of the story, as I believe it's supposed to be the room where live-action footage used in previous Eva works was filmed) fades away and the literal animation around Shinji begins to break down into its purest forms, as key animation, then layouts, etc., - a near 4th wall-breaking depiction of the world resetting. However, Gendo and Yui had sacrificed themselves so that Shinji wouldn't have to, so Mari is able to pull him back into the world, just like she had promised. In the end, Shinji is able to join his friends in the new world that's free of Evas. Without the Eva curse, all the pilots are now their proper ages as well. The movie closes with Mari and Shinji heading off somewhere in their new lives while the environment merges into live-action footage, representing the fact that the story has now transcended animation and is now "real" because the cycle has finally ended and a true Neon Genesis took place. Like many aspects of the franchise, there are many ways to interpret this ending, but this is the interpretation I've settled on.

-While I am satisfied with the ending overall, I do wish the epilogue showed us more of what the other characters were doing, especially the survivors from Wille and Village 3. I know we can assume they're living out their lives as well, but it would have been nice to get confirmation of that with a few quick cameos. But there are some main characters whose fates are uncertain, particularly Misato, Kaji, and Fuyutsuki. I'm assuming the only people Shinji was able to save were the ones whose souls were still bound to Evas, namely Asuka, Rei, and Kaoru. I don't know about Kaji since I'm still not clear on exactly how he died. Maybe Shinji couldn't save Misato because she died "for real" and wasn't just trapped inside an Eva/Angel. But it is implied that many souls, not just Eva pilots, were saved when the world was restored...so maybe she was too? And like Kaji, I'm not sure what happened with Fuyutsuki. Did he turn into LCL because he gave up his humanity in some way, like Gendo? I'm also a little salty that we didn't get a decent shot of adult Asuka at the train station, lol. I'm not sure if the ending was hinting at Mari and Shinji being an item...possibly Rei and Kaoru too, maybe even Asuka and Kensuke. Like many things in the franchise, the eventual pairings, or lack thereof, could be interpreted in many ways.

In conclusion, while there were some aspects of the old Eva TV series and movies that I liked better, the Rebuild movies overall did an excellent job of retelling the story with the same rich lore and thought-provoking symbolism that we're used to for the franchise, but with enough new twists to make it stand out. And as I mentioned in my interpretation of the ending, these movies weren't just a retelling but a redefinition of the franchise as whole, bringing together the previous versions of the story and giving them true closure. Though we could see some spin-off material at some point, Thrice Upon a Time does seem like it was intended to be the final installment of the Evangelion series. While I was satisfied enough with the endings for the TV series and End of Eva movie, having watched the Rebuild movies, I do believe they're the "retelling we didn't know we needed." It's a tad bittersweet to know that such an influential franchise, and one of my favorite anime for years, has come to its true end. So, to translate the text in the below fan art...

"Thank you , Evangelion."

*Artwork credited to リオ on pixiv*

[fanfictionsrookie]

Watch As I Overanalyze Cinder’s Fight Wit Penny...

I knew Cinder was one for dramatics, but good grief, what happened to being subtle XD

But considering the situation and the time they had left to stop Amity, this was the best course of action.

Can I tell you I screamed! Also, just a screenshot I liked. There will be a lot of them lol.

So Cinder is still holding onto her grudge with Ruby, but it was honestly for the best that she wasn’t there. Cinder would not have been able to take on Ruby and her team as well.

Now I wonder if this is Cinder projecting in some way. Not just because in terms of Salem’s plans, Cinder has been doing the heavy lifting, or at least been tasked to do so. Cinder likely sees this situation as an example. But because of the implications that Cinder as a child, was forces to so a lot of strenuous work on her own.

It’s possible that this might be more projecting, but the way Cinder says it, makes me think she sees herself more as that. Salem did tell her that she was more valuable, but she’s still just a piece in this game. Cinder might be trying to convince herself otherwise.

Have another bootiful screenshot.

Every time Neo does this... I feel things...

More screams.

So things like this suggest to me that Cinder is slowly but surely finding her way back into her comfort zone, trying to re-establish whatever sense of identity she had before volume 3. That and becoming more proficient in using her Maiden Powers, which has become a lot more personalized since volume 3/4 where she relied on fire alone.

Now I love this little reaction, because it is the moment where Cinder realises that Penny is simply distracting her from her main objective. So Cinder is starting to get a handle on her anger and is able to exploit it in a moment of clarity when she turns back. However, she still has quite a bit of growth to go through.

Just something I was wondering about. How does Penny know a person poses a threat? Does she log them into her memory so that they are much easier identifiable later on when they might be more difficult to spot?

And another thing. In this moment Cinder either priorities her mission to stop Amity, or she realises that she would have more success in stopping Penny with Emerald and Neo around.

Maria is having a field day, and I would feel bad if it wasn’t lowkey funny lol. But it’s nice to know Maria still got it. Neo was due a hit to her winning streak as well.

Sexy smirk.

But more alarmingly, that arm. Like that thing has progressed past her shoulder completely and I’m willing to bet that it is making it’s way across her back and side. Now, gauging from the shadows around the Grimm strands, we can conclude that it is not as invasive as we thought, merely anchoring itself at the edges. However, I do hope something are done about them soon, even if Cinder does not seem particularly worries about it... yet.

I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for this question. As for the answer...

I. Was. Floored.

Mostly because I didn’t expect that answer at all. You could do a whole post just about those three lines. But I’ll try to be concise.

So first, Cinder does not see herself as serving Salem. This can be interpreted in a few ways.

1.)  Cinder does not see herself as bellow Salem, not far at least. Linking back to Cinder ‘being more than a pawn’ it could be that Cinder sees her affiliation to Salem as more of a mutual agreement where both parties get something out of it. As for why Salem would let her think this? I think it plays into Cinder’s fear of being controlled and taken advantage of, as she has implied to have been in the past. Thus, in order to keep Cinder under her control, Salem makes her think that she isn’t under control but rather ‘guidance’.

Cinder might be using Salem as a means of gaining power for some other goal. A goal more specific than just wanting power, or an extension thereof. Which Salem could very much be aware of. But Salem’s control over Cinder goes far past what Cinder believes or would want to. And that is why she is trying to convince herself otherwise.

2.) Cinder does not see herself as serving Salem, because she sees herself as an extension, a ‘vessel’ of Salem’s will. Now this links back to Cinder seeing herself as more useful. But this version implies an even greater loss of her identify. Cinder wants power, not just because of her fear of being powerless, but a cultivated desire to be like Salem and carry out her will. Even if they disagree on how that should be carried out. In a sense, Cinder does not see herself as serving Salem, but rather ‘becoming’ her in some way.

Have an adorably happy murder child.

Linking back to Cinder’s tactical retreat to Amity. This is the clearest example of Cinder learning from her fight with Raven. Cinder used her environment to perfectly set up a situation where Penny is near defenseless and where Cinder can go after her Maiden Powers.

Now, I have talked about the possibility of Cinder having absorbed some of Raven’s Power. But that it might not be enough to open the vault, that the scenario was simply set up as a visual cue to show HOW syphoning those Powers would work.

But this time, not only is the visual cue clear and day-light, shown longer, but it’s also front and center. Do I think that this is enough for Cinder to open the Vault?

No.

But I do hope something comes from this. CRWBY can’t keep showing us Cinder visibly taking more and more of the Maiden’s power, even if just a little bit, and not have it pay off or come around in some way. 

With just one look, Cinder and Emerald had a plan ready to go. And I wish we got more of that in this episode. I wish we had more instances of Cinder working with others, because clearly they do know how to read each other and work together. At the very least, I hope it’s a build up to what can happen in the future, because I fully expect to see much more of Emerald’s semblance.

Yes, please and thank you.

Now this scene is very familiar. And I wished that Cinder and Co would have made more use of tactics like this, even if I explained in the beginning why that opportunity went up with Amity. I did feel bad for Penny though. The memories must’ve been awful.

I will be drawing the screencap.

BABY NOOOO!

Ugh, I felt so bad for Emerald during this scene.

And I really do hope that these two get to actually talk to one another. At the very least that Cinder realises that if it weren’t for Emerald, she’d be dead. In the same vein, it’s also high time that Emerald confronts Cinder about how wrongly she has been treated. Because even when Cinder took Emerald with her, you could see that Cinder was not paying attention to either Emerald or Neo, up until the time she needed them. Which is ironic because Cinder does not seem to take notice of the things Emerald or Neo has done for her, past what Cinder expected of them. And that needs to stop.

Because you people need an unhinged Penny.

And I wonder if Penny realised it too...

That this scene is eerily similar to the one she had when she had to protect Winter.

I’ve been holding off on saying it but... gods does Cinder look sad and adorable. poor baby.

As for Neo, not only is she probably pissed that Emerald is giving her orders but that they would have to return to Salem after Cinder’s bad idea got her, and them all by extension, in an even worse position. I wouldn’t be surprised if Neo starts looking for an out soon after this.

Looks like Salem is back to petting her favourite XD

Now, how is Salem going to react to this? Because from this shot it seems like she wanted the world to know about her. If that was the case, it makes sense to tell Cinder to stay put, but then WHY NOT TELL CINDER? Salem probably does not feel the need to explain herself to others, but this whole detour could be avoided if she had just given her some kind of reasoning.

So not only will Cinder be punished for disobeying orders and failing at her task, but for setting out and doing something that goes completely against Salem’s goals. The only thing I can give for these events, is that it is continuing to drive a wedge between Cinder and Salem, whilst also demonstrating that Cinder does have her own goals and ways of thinking.

But narratively? Does it hold a lot of weight? I don’t know.

We don’t know the full extent of the message, so we don’t know if Cinder’s actions stopped another point of key information going through. Penny would have been hacked by Watts regardless. And I really did hope that Cinder would succeed, that they would have made more use of Neo and Emerald’s semblance, even if subtlety wasn’t a viable tactic. Considering that Cinder mostly relied on her own abilities, and assuming her arc is realising power does not guarantee victory, this makes sense.

But if that was CRWBY’s intent, why not demonstrate this by forcing Cinder to rely more on Emerald and Neo, past just having them to take her to safety, even if that is a big deal. Look this scene revealed a lot of not only Cinder’s way of thinking, but Penny’s as well. I just wish everything didn’t play out as straight as it felt. As for narrative outcomes, I hope we get to see more of that, and it’s not just me wanting to see Cinder taking some of Penny’s Powers, have actual consequences.

Because in terms of consequences, there could be a LOT.

Emerald finally standing up to Cinder, defecting with Neo even, Cinder getting some appreciation for Neo and Emerald, Salem punishing Cinder in a way that makes her want to break away, Cinder reliving more of her past memories, (although I feel like this will be more crumbs, leading up until the third altercation which might be the final push, because I do not feel like this is quite it), Cinder confronting Salem about her goals and why they were kept hidden from her, only for Cinder to realise that Salem does not hold her in as high regard as she thinks.

Whatever happens, I want the fall out of this to drastically change the very views Cinder established in this episode. 

I want Cinder’s disobedience in pursuit of her own goals to have drastic effects and propel her character development forward, even if Cinder is thinks that she is just taking one step back after another.

Whatever the fallout is, I am here for it.

[magicalgirlsandcerulean]

Ep. 10's blog post

This blog post, with Hori's second entrance, is dated 15th June 2021. Spoilers below, as always!

Notes before we begin:

For those of you who didn't check out ep. 9's blog post, see tweet 2 on that for more info about one of the characters of the day.

Due to the unintended delay on this post, I've tried to translate more completely than usual and that caused the release of this post to be postponed by another day...Sorry. Even still, consult the actual post for proper placement of emojis, coloured text etc.

This time, just for efficiency's sake, I skipped a lot of the honorifics because Hori refers to Takara, Tina and Tsumahara as -san. I've only left it in for "Balle-san" (a one-off) and when other people refer to Hori as "Hori-san" (as opposed to when Hori calls himself "Hori" with no honorific).

Also, an advance note that you'll probably want to cry when Hori pulls out the crying kaomoji. (I wanted to cry at two points when he did, at least.)

CR translations were used where I could chase them up.

Post title: バリバリのバリの禁忌其の拾！

The Very Vigorous Taboo No. Ten! [T/N: バリバリのバリ (baribari no bari) has some obvious repetition in Japanese, so I had to try convey that in English as well, even though small!Takara is more "working hard" than "vigorous". The final "bari" is a Hakata dialect thing - we already know Hori is from Fukuoka, so that fits. I had to translate the title because this phrase appears later on.]

皆様、お世話になっております。

Everyone, thank you for taking care of me. Fairy蘭丸〜あなたの心お助けします〜で雅楽代 寶 を演じております、堀 曜宏と申��ます。

I am called Akihiro Hori, who voices Takara Utashiro in Fairy Ranmaru ~We Will Help Your Heart~. 又の名をジャガイモ堀堀です、本日は何卒よろしくお願いします。

Also known as "Potato Digging Hori", please kindly take care of me today. [T/N: "Potato digging" = jagaimo hori, so "potato digging Hori" = jagaimo hori Hori. It also makes reference to the ep. where the kids dug up potatoes.] 禁忌其の拾『快楽』熱かったですね！！！

Episode 10, "Hedonism", was passionate, wasn't it?!!! 今回は寶さんの二回目のお当番回ということで、本編を見返しながら楽しめるような感想を主観ですが、勢いと共に書かせて頂きたいと思います。

This time was Takara's second focus episode. Although we see [elements] that recur from the original story [ep. 5], the impressions we are able to enjoy are subjective and so I will write with fervour. 開幕は女王チームとの密談からSTART!!

We START by opening the curtain on the queen team's private talk!! [T/N: "Queen team" = Queen + Houjou (+ sloth).] シリウスについて女王からせっつかれている寶さん。

The Queen is pestering Takara about Sirius. 座長…誰の台詞が麩菓子じゃい！！！！

Leader...whose lines are fugashi!!!! [T/N: Fugashi are a type of Japanese sweet. There are sweet potato fugashi, so I assume this is either a typo or a pun on a similar word. If it's a pun, the word is likely to be おかしい (strange, suspicious, unbecoming).] [T/N 2: The line below suggests "leader" (zachou) = Ranmaru, so this sentence would be referring to Sakata.] でも生配信で話している時の堀からは想像できないと思いますが…実は普段の堀は、どうやら寶さんの女王様に対する話し方くらいのらりくらりでみんなと通話しているらしく、このシーンをみんなで見てる時、ざちょ「堀さんだ」草「堀さんだねぇ」なんて言われながらみんなに笑われておりました。

However, while the stream was happening, I couldn't imagine this, but...to tell the truth, the way I usually speak to everyone is like Takara's non-committal way of speaking to the Queen, so when everyone saw this scene, the leader [Sakata] went, "That's Hori-san," and Kusano went, "That's Hori-san, isn't it?" without saying anything and so everyone laughed. 電話が切れた後の豊穣さんと女王の会話から、寶さんのお父上が夭聖界にとって如何に大事な存在だったかがわかります。

After the call was cut, we learn how important Takara's father is in the fairy world from Houjou and the Queen's conversation. そんな豊穣さんからの厚い信頼に応えるように、どこかのお姉さんへお誘いをかける寶さん…

While proving worthy of Houjou's kind confidence, Takara is asking a girl out somewhere... お相手の名前、ayakoさんって面白い名前だなぁと思ってたら、堀気づいちゃいました。[T/N: The source text, as you can see when you pause the ep. at the right time, is meant to say "[at sign]yako", but the at sign was tripping the "mention a user" function in Tumblr, so I had to swap it out with a lowercase A where it appears in this post.]

His partner's name is "ayako", which I thought was an amusing name. これ、あやこって読むんですね！！！（アハ体験）

This is read "Ayako", isn't it?!!! (a-ha moment) そしてはい、きました、 バリバリのバリのショタカラさん！！！！（人間体）

Also, we got to see him, the very vigorous sho-Takara!!!! (human form) [T/N: Literally "we got to see him" was "[he] came", LOL.] [T/N 2: Sho-Takara = shota (prepubescent boy) + Takara.] あまりの可愛さにコメントも騒然としましたね。

There was an uproar in the comments that he's excessively cute. 回想シーンでは以前も登場した、弁護士さんと寶さんの関係も明らかになりました。

The relationship between the lawyer, who's appeared before this flashback scene, and Takara is also made clear. 弁護士さんも元夭聖、しかも寶さんのお父上とただならぬ関係だったみたいです。

The lawyer was also from the fairy world and had a strong relationship with Takara's father. 幼い寶さんは弁護士さんからどんな風に人間界の生き方を仕込まれたんでしょうか…

What sort of way of living in the human world did the very young Takara learn from the lawyer...? 半裸シーツで肌に傷をおった姿のショタカラさんが、窓の外を見上げながら「いつかきっと… 」と呟く様子にその壮絶さを感じます。

The half-naked and wounded sho-Takara, looking out the window and whispering, "Someday, surely..." [gives off a] heroic feeling. [T/N: I couldn't use the CR quote for this because that's translated more in context, as just "someday".] 寶さんのエセ関西弁は、この弁護士さんに仕込まれた影響だったんですね。

Takara's fake Kansai accent is acquired from the lawyer's. そして現代に戻ったと思ったら、 飛んで火にいる子猫ちゅわん！

Also, when we think we've returned to the present, a kitten jumps into the flame! [T/N: This translation builds off the CR version of the line, "Like a kitten to the flame!"] 今回の依頼人、ティナさんの登場です！！

This time's client, Tina, appears!! 「ちょっと何言ってるかわからないんだけど！」

"Oh, please! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" 寶さんこの時のっけから飛ばしまくっていたので、堀はこの台詞がツボに入って笑いを堪えるのが大変でした。

Takara, at that time, couldn't help but send her flying from the beginning and it was difficult for me because I was trying not to laugh - there was "tsubo" in my lines. あいも変わらずスマートに名刺を渡すも、「世界で一番惚れてる男のところに連れてって！」とピシャリ。

Even after [Takara was] as smooth as ever and [handed] over the business card, she refused with "Take me to the man I love most!" [T/N: The word for "smooth" here is literally "smart", but "smart" doesn't seem to have the right connotations.] …どうやら今回の依頼人も、一筋縄ではいかないみたいです。

...apparently, this time's client seems very straightforward. 『快楽』ﾁﾘﾘﾘﾝ

"Hedonism" *ring ring ring* 寶さんはティナさんをお子さんのお迎えに連れて行き、そのまま2人を仕事場へと送り届けます。

Takara brought Tina to her child and, without a pause, brought those two to [Tina's] workplace. 仕事場ではみんなでティナさんのお子さんをあやしていたり、同僚の方のティナさんのダンスへの信頼に、思わずいい職場だなぁと感心する堀でしたが。。。

At the workplace, everyone comforted Tina's child and Tina's colleagues had confidence in her dance, so I admired, without thinking, how good of a workplace it was... そこに現れる父親、妻原さんですよ！！！！！（ﾌﾝﾇｰ‼︎）

Then the husband, Tsumahara, appeared!!!!! (Barbarian!!) [T/N: There is no confirmed reading of this name, so it might be "Tsumabara".] 前回のうるう回の久二さんも相当でしたが…勝るとも劣らない圧倒的なそれ…っ！！

He's equivalent to last time's (Uruu's episode's) Kyuji...but [Kyuji] overwhelmingly compares favourably to that guy...!! お子さんの顔も見ずにお金をせ��るのみならず、ティナさんの一張羅のコートまで…！！

Not only does he demand money without seeing his child's face, but he also goes as far as taking Tina's one good coat...!! ちょっと申し訳なさそうにして受け取るのがまた、なんかもう…っ！！

The fact he looks a little apologetic as he receives it is just...!! だのにティナさんは、頑張って稼がなきゃって…″家族″のためにって(′つω；｀)

Despite this, Tina must try her hardest to make money...for her "family". (′つω；｀) その言葉は、お子さんに対してだけじゃなくて…うわぁああああ！！！

Those word aren't just for her family...uwaaaaa!!! 次のカットで妻原さんは貰ったそのお金をギャンブルに突っ込んでました（遠い目）

In the next cut, Tsumahara pushes the money he received into gambling. (distant eyes) この時の寶さんのモテポイント、 「姉さん、そろそろ出番でっせ」は何も見なかったように落ち着いて投げてあげて、 それでも見られたくない所を見られちゃった、というニュアンスが返ってきたら 「こういうことする俺、格好ええやろ？」と冗談まじりに茶化しながら優しさを渡す。

This is the time Takara is popular. He says, "Dearie? I think you're on." He calms down and gives up as if he never saw anything, but even still, after he returned [from seeing her exchange with Tsumahara] with a nuance of "he saw what he did not want to see", he would joke gently, "Aren't I cool for doing this sort of thing?" and poke fun at himself. この機微がモテる大人のテクニックなんですよ…！！

This subtlety is a technique popular with adults...!! 見てくださってる男性の皆さんにも是非取り入れていただきたい…なぁみんな！！？

Any men watching should certainly take in this [advice]...yeah, everyone?!! 堀は後十年は修行させてください(′・ω・｀)

Please train me [in the art of love] for another 10 years. (′・ω・｀) はい、一方BAR Fは今日もカレーです。

Yes, at the same time, there's curry at Bar F today too. 前回のラストが熱い…！展開だっただけに、皆さんあれからどうなったのか、眠れない夜を過ごされていたと思います。

The conclusion last time was intense...! I'm sure everyone had a sleepless night wondering what happened after that development. 何気なく水をうるうくんに渡す焔くん 、 何気なく焔くんを気遣ううるうくん、 照れながらも返事をする焔くん、 嬉しそうな蘭丸樹果バックン。

Homura, who's casually giving water to Uruu,

Uruu, who worries about Homura,

Homura, who blushes while responding,

Ranmaru, Juka and Bakkun, who seem happy. てぇてぇが過ぎてぇ堀は平身低頭（てぇとう）ですありがてぇ…ありがてぇてぇ！！！！

They're excessively precious and I was prostrating myself, thanking them...thanks, precious!!!! [T/N: Hori slurs several of his words in this sentence, typically てぇてぇ = toutoi (precious/noble), 平身低頭 = heishin teitou (prostrating oneself) and ありがてぇ = arigatou (thank you). He then combines てぇてぇ and ありがてぇ, hence "precious".] それから所変わってお出掛け中の寶さん、 いつも通りキスのおねだりを茶化しながら交わしていきます。

Then, in the meantime, Takara was out, as always, begging for kisses and teasing a woman. 聞こえないくらいの声で憂うように、「わいが欲しいのは、なんやろなぁ」とポツリ。

In a voice that can barely be heard, he mumbles, "I don't know what I want..." この台詞は後の展開にも効いてくる凄く大事な台詞なんですが…。

This line is very important in terms of later developments... コメントで「（カレーには）ナンやろなぁ…」って書いた人怒らないから正直に言いなさい（ﾋﾟｷﾋﾟｷ）

In the comments, there was a person who wrote, "I don't know what (curry) I want..." - please say who you are, I won't be mad *veins snap* Aパートおしまい！

That's the end of the A part! ブログでもCM入ります！情報いっぱいだよ！

This is a blog, but I'll still insert ads! There's a lot of info! ・山野ホールでライブします！（9/18だよ！）

- The live show at Noyama Hall! (On the 18th of September!) ・特典盛り沢山のBD、DVD発売します！（第1巻は６/16発売！）

- The BD/DVD is being sold, with lots of bonuses! (1st BD/DVD sold on the 16th of June!) ・キャラソンアルバムHEAVENS DOOR発売します！（同じく6/16、遂に艶歌が全部聞けるよ！）

- The character song album HEAVEN'S DOOR is being sold! (On the same day [as the BD/DVD], the 16th of June, so you can finally hear the whole enka!) てつえーさん「Nice Pole Dance…ﾀﾞﾝｽﾀﾞﾝｽ」（ええ声エコー）

Tetsuei [Sumiya]: "Nice pole dance...(dance dance)" (nice voice echo) Bパートいきます！！

To the B part!! 開幕ティナさんのキラキラポールダンスからスタート！！

The curtain opens on Tina, who starts with a sparkling pole dance!! お子さんを膝に乗せて馴染んでいる寶さん。

The child, who's on the lap of and [now] accustomed to Takara. お子さんのママ～！の声、可愛いですねぇ(´,,･Д･,,`)

The child's cry of "Mama~!" was cute, wasn't it? (´,,･Д･,,`) やはり彼のためにも、家族の為にも頑張るというティナさん。

Of course, Tina will try hard for his sake, for the family's sake. 自身の生い立ちから、家族という存在をいかに大事にしているかが伺えます。

From his own background, we can see how much he values the existence of his family. 5話の寶回の時の依頼人の恵夢さんもやはり家族のために身を粉にして働いていましたし、今回のティナさんも…。

From episode 5's Takara episode, the client, Emu, also worked assiduously for her family, so this time's Tina also... 寶さんにも金鋼族の復興のため、寶さんのため、痩せ細った体で自分の食べるものすら譲ってくれたお母さんという存在がいたからこそ、家族のために自分を犠牲にして頑張る方に複雑な思いを抱いてしまうのでは無いでしょうか。

In order for Takara to revive the Metallum Clan, for Takara's sake, Takara's mother even gave over her own food and it is precisely because of that that she became a victim of trying hard for the sake of her family and that's why Takara has such complicated emotions, is it not? しかも今回はその″家族″が不義を行っているなんて…。

Moreover, this time, this time's "family" is unjust... そしてそして！！！！！

Also, also!!!!! お待たせしました！銭湯ノルマ達成ですありがとうございます！！

Thanks for waiting! Thanks for fulfilling the bath quota!! この時流れてきた「みんなストローは持ったかァ！！」ってコメント、爆笑しました。

At this time, the comment that came about was "Everyone's holding straws!!" and so there was uproarious laughter. [T/N: It's not clear if there's just one person laughing or many, hence the intentional vagueness.] ですが今回の銭湯の中身はすっごくシリウス…じゃなかったシリアス。

However, this time's bath [scene] is amazingly serious...not (Sirius). [T/N: Hori inserts Sirius's name at the end of the sentence as a pun on "serious", so if it seemed like the translation said "serious, not serious", I did my job.] みんなの顔を眺めながら、豊穣さんと交わした特命の話を回想していきます。

After we gaze at everyone's faces, we go to a flashback scene where [Takara is] given his directive from Houjou. その中には女王に内密の話まで…そんな重たいものを背負いながら、寶さんはみんなに毎日カレーを作っていたんですね。

In that it's to the point it's kept a secret from the Queen...Takara makes curry for everyone everyday while burdened with those heavy things, huh? でも、これまで毎日みんなでカレーを食べて、銭湯に入って、愛著を集めて、日々を過ごして。

However, until now, every day everyone's eaten their curry, gone to the bath, gathered attachment and spent their days [together].

家族として一緒に過ごしてきたみんなの顔を見回した時の寶さんの顔は、優しさに満ち溢れた顔でした。

As family, when spending time together and looking around at everyone's faces, Takara's face is full of affection. この時の「楽しい時間は長く続きまへんな」という台詞。

At this time, there is the line: "The fun times never last, do they?" 寶さんのみならず、堀自身もF蘭の最終回の近さを意識しておりましたので、言葉にした時に込み上げるものがありました。

Not only Takara, but I personally realised F-Ran's final episode is near and so, while I'm bad at putting this into words, [emotions] welled up inside me. そして明らかになる妻原さんの別の家族の存在。

Then, it becomes clear Tsumahara has a different family. ティナさんと妻原さんの会話が始まります。

Tina starts a conversation with Tsumahara. もうここの妻原さんのクズっぷりが真骨頂！！！

Already, the Tsumahara from this [point in] time's true worth is basically scum!!! ティナさんがあまりにもあまりにも可哀想で…

Tina is really, really unfortunate... 「お前も俺を見捨てるんだな！！」

"So, you're abandoning me too!!" あんた、別のところでも同じようなことしとったんか…？

Aren't you the same, even though it's from a different perspective...? 絶望のあまり、倒されたゴミ袋の上で笑うしかなくなってしまうティナさん。

Without much remorse, Tina has no choice as she's left collapsed on the rubbish bags and Tsumahara laughs. そこに夭聖は現れるんです…！！

Then, the fairies appear...!! 「美人さん、お持ち帰りしてええか？」

"Lovely lady, might I walk you home?" ほんと、全人類言ってみたい台詞トップ5にランクインする台詞です…！！

Really, that's going to rank in the top 5 lines that all of humanity wants to be said to them...!! チャイルドシートを携えたいつもの車でティナさんの話を聞く寶さん。

Takara listens to the story of Tina, who's always carrying a child seat around with her. 「わかってた、利用されてるだけって」

"I knew...some part of me knew he was just using me." 「なのに、あいつがポケットに手を入れた時にさ、指輪かなって思ったんだよね」

"But when he reached into his pocket, I honestly thought it might be a ring." 「笑顔で溢れるあったかい家庭、作りたかったの」

"I wanted to create a happy family, full of smiles..." この台詞が悲痛過ぎて…。

These lines are too sorrowful... 堀は最初、思わず拳を握りしめて返す台詞をかけてしまいました。

I, at first, clenched my fists without thinking at these lines. ですがこの時、製作陣から、何より真摯に優しさを向けてあげて。

However, this time, I felt sincerely affectionate for this cobbled-together group. 頑張っている人は報われるんだよ。ってティナに伝えて欲しい、というディレクションを頂いて。

I received the direction that I should convey to Tina, "Hard work will be rewarded!" このシーンの台詞は寶さん自身の言葉で、その思いが乗らなきゃダメなんだと何度もトライさせていただきました。

This scene's dialogue is in Takara's own words and I had to try repeatedly to convey his thoughts on it. 「あなたの心、頂けますか？」 から大自然の流れでジャ…変身の時間だぁーーー！！！！！

After "Could I take your heart?", the scene changes and...it's transformation time---!!!!! 思わずナイスバルク！と声をかけたくなる惚れ惚れする筋肉。

Without thinking, I was charmed by [Takara's] muscles and wanted to call out, "Nice bulk!" 画面いっぱいに広がる肉体美と拳、地面をぶっ壊しながらあげる名乗り。

The physical beauty of his body and fists filled the screen, he broke the ground and called out his name. 格好よさが臨界点突破して美しいに昇華しとるんですよ！！！！！！！

His coolness has broken through the critical point and sublimated itself into beauty!!!!!!! 妻原さんはティナさんとあんな会話をした後だというのに、 魂が昂りながら「夢も愛もどうでもいい」なんて曰いながらギャンブルに興じていらっしゃいますねぇ…。

Tsumahara, even after he had that conversation with Tina, happily spends his days gambling, arousing his spirit as he says, "What do dreams and love matter?" バレさん、技を借りるぜ…！！

Balle-san, I'll borrow a technique of yours...!! ふざけんにょ！！！！！

Stop screwing around!!!!! [T/N: reference to Balle-san's ep. 9 post] そして始まる艶歌、五話もそうでしたが、歌詞が今回の話とのリンクして、絵の美しさも合間って没入してしまいます。

Then the enka begins - it was in ep. 5 as well but the lyrics are linked to this episode and I was immersed in the beauty of the visuals for a moment. 早くフルで聴いてほしい！！！皆様、是非HEAVENS DOORを！「愛の勘定」も勿論ですが、みんなの艶歌をフルで聴けばストーリーとのリンクが増して、よりグッと来るはずです！！！

I want you to hurry and listen to the full version!!!! Everyone, please listen to HEAVEN'S DOOR! There's "Payment of Love" of course, but if you listen to everyone's full enka, you'll [be able to make] links with the story and it will hit you in the feels!!! 艶歌が終わり、ドアが開けば今回のヘブンズ空間はまるで屏風の中に入ったかのような和風の世界。

After the enka ends, the door opens to this time's Heaven's Room, which is a Japanese-style world quite like that on a folding screen. そこに雷神と雷神を模したかのような敵が現れます。

Then, enemies that look like the well-known thunder god and a thunder god's imitation appear. [T/N: referring to Raijin] 毎回のことですが、ヘブンズ空間も本当に趣向を凝らしてあって…ど緊張のバトルシーンのはずなのに、思わず堀の魂も昂ってしまいます…！！！

It happens every time, but these Heaven's Rooms are really ingenious...there should've been a hugely nerve-wracking battle scene, but without thinking, my spirit was unintentionally aroused...!!! なんと今回の鍵穴にはティナさんとお子さんの2人が！

What? This time Tina and her child are both behind the keyhole! なぜわかったノルマに愛らしい声が混ざる日が来るとは。

I never thought I'd see the day where a charming voice would be mixed in with the "What? I got it!" quota. そしてもう一方の鍵穴からは妻原さんの極悪な声が…

Also, in the other keyhole is Tsumahara's heinous voice... 「人はなあ！快楽には勝てねぇんだよ！」 「酒！タバコ！セッッッ！！薬物！！特にギャンブルはなぁ！！」

"A person can't conquer their hedonistic tendencies! The pleasures of drinking! Smoking! Sex! Drugs! And gambling especially!!" [T/N: Hori censors the word "sex" by "stuttering" over the final syllable but CR doesn't, so I've sided with the latter.] 座長が現場で ハッキリ言ったぁーーー！！！ってツッコんでたのを覚えていますw

"The leader put it clearly at the time--!!!" I remember joking. ですが、言葉のパワーはもうネタの領域を超えた、狂気の世界のそれです。

However, that is a mad world where the power of words is beyond the realm of stories. その言葉に促されるように敵から酒の玉攻撃が、 そしてもう一方の敵からはヤニの煙の攻撃が。

With those urging words, the enemies send bubbles of alcohol and then from the other side comes a tobacco smoke attack. この時のうめき声のディレクションは、堀くん今○○kgの重りが乗ってるよ！！ と言われながら、体にそれに合わせた負荷をかけるように声を出していました。次の日筋肉痛になりました。

At this time, when the direction, "Groan and pretend you have a __ kg weight on you!!" was given, as I shouted, it was like a corresponding load was being added. The next day my muscles hurt. なんとか持ち堪えた寶さんですが、 「なら、これならどうかしら…」 その言葉と共に現れる寶さんのお母さんの幻想。

Takara's able to hold out somehow, but then an illusion of Takara's mother appears with the words, "Well, what will you do?" 前回もうるうくんのお母さんと焔くんのお父さんが現れましたが、まさか今回は寶さんのお母さんが…。

Last time, Uruu's mother and Homura's father appeared, so surely this time Takara's mother... しかもこんな形で痩せ細っていないお母さんの姿を見ることになるなんて…！

Furthermore, to see his not-so-skinny mother in this form...! あの優しかった声で、こちらに攻撃をかけてきます。

This is the attack that's given with that gentle voice. 押し倒されて首をしめられる寶さん。

Takara is being held down and strangled [by his mother's illusion]. この時の台詞の色気も相まって、まるで2人が繋がっているような…

Coupled with the sexiness of the dialogue at this point, it's as if the two are connected... 更に畳み掛けるようにチェリーの入ったグラスから液体を口に含み、そのマッマ寶さんの口に流し込みます。

Furthermore, as if pressing for answers, Takara's mother uses her mouth to pour liquid into Takara's mouth, from a glass with a cherry in it. 苦しさのあまり悶絶絶叫する寶さん、これは先の妻原さんの「酒、タバコ、セッッッッ、そして薬物」それらの快楽を暗喩しているのでしょうか。

Is Takara, who's about to scream and faint in agony, [being subjected to] metaphors for hedonism Tsumahara was mentioning earlier? そしてシリウスの登場です。

Also, Sirius appears. す○ざんまいのポーズって言うのやめーや！！！

Stop doing the Su___zanmai pose!!! [T/N: referring to the dude who stands with his hands outstretched from Sushizanmai] しかし今回の句には堀は思わず確かに…と頷いてしまいました。

However, this time I couldn't help but nod and say, "Indeed..." 人は何故ほんの刹那の快楽のために沢山のものを犠牲にしてしまうのか…

Why do we sacrifice so much for a fleeting moment of pleasure? むしろ刹那だからこそ、それを追い求めてしまうのかもしれませんね（哲学）

Rather, it's because it's momentary that we chase it and seek it out? (philosophising) 苦しみながらも、「俺が欲しいものはこんなんじゃない」と懸命に耐える寶。

Even in agony, Takara eagerly bears it [and says], "This isn't what I want." しかしそれも、「あなたが欲しいのは、母親からの豊満な愛情でしょう？」と、肥大化した幻想に押しつぶされる寶さん。

However, in addition to that, the illusion becomes fat [with the words], "What you want is the full-bodied love of your mother!" ニコニコのタグにもありましたが、確かに快楽要素全部乗せプレスは重い、重すぎます。

As the tag on Nico Nico said, it is true that all the hedonistic elements being pressed are heavy, far too heavy, イきかける寶さんですがなんとか力を振り絞り、幻想を押しのけます。

Takara is about to have the life choked out of him, but he comes to his senses and pushes the illusion away. しかしそれが最後の力だったのか、体が動かず追撃をかわせそうにありません…！

However, that was the last of his strength and so he's not able to move...! これで終わりか…と思ったその瞬間ですよ！！！！！

This was the moment...I thought it was the end!!!!! 最高に勇ましい掛け声と共に焔が敵の攻撃から寶を守ります！！

With a shout, Homura, who's the best and heroic, comes and protects Takara from attack!! そのまま蘭丸とうるうが雷神と風神を倒し、樹果が 「オン・アユス・ヴァルタ！」の掛け声とともにペロキャンを振って寶さんを回復してくれます。

Similarly, Ranmaru and Uruu bring down the thunder gods and, with his tongue stuck out and his lollipop, Juka yells, "On ayus valta!" to heal Takara. ここ、さいっっっっっこうに熱かったです！！！！！

This was the most intensssssssssssssse [moment]!!!!! 寶のピンチに駆けつけるファミリー達、初めての全員集合、初めての共闘！！！

This is the first time they've [run to Takara's aid and] fought as a family when Takara was in a pinch!!! 台本を読ませてもらった時は、遂にきたか…！くらいの興奮だったんですが、 現場でこのシーンを録った時、こーすけの「はぁあああああ！！」って勇ましい声が聞こえてきた瞬間、鳥肌がブワァーって！体がカァーッて！熱くなったことを強く覚えています。

When reading the script, I was exhilarated to the point of going, "Finally, they came!" and now that this scene is recorded, I strongly remember the moment Kohsuke [Tanabe] valiantly can be heard going, "Haaaaaaaaaaa!!" I got goosebumps from the passion. 蘭丸とうるうの声も頼もしくて、樹果のたからぁ～！って呼び声に癒されて。

Trustworthy Ranmaru and Uruu, and Juka healing Takara by calling out his name. こんなに頼もしい仲間達が揃って、負けるわけがないですよ！！！！

With trustworthy friends like these, you won't lose!!!! この後の飛び上がるシーンも、月を殴りつけるシーンも、高まったボルテージを思いっきりぶつけさせて頂きました！

After this is the flying scene, the moon-breaking scene and I was able to use my heightened [emotions] to the fullest! [T/N: Hori calls his heightened emotions "voltage".] そしてGO TO HEAVEN!!!!!

Then, GO TO HEAVEN!!!!! 「またすっからかんかよぉ～！」なんて言いながら、トドメを刺された時の勢いで手持ちをオールインしてしまう妻原さん。

Tsumahara, for some reason, said, "I'm broke again?!" as he's finished off while playing everything he has with an all-in due to his leftover momentum. [T/N: the all-in in poker] ティナさんの「寶さん、あなたと結ばれたかった…」

Tina: "Takara...I wish we could've been together." 依頼人からこんなに純粋に好意を向けられるなんて…寶さんも罪な人ね。

The client has this kind of pure affection [for him]...Takara's also a wrongdoer, isn't he? ですがそれは叶わない、ティナさんもわかっているからこその過去形なのでしょうか…。

However, that can't be granted, since Tina understanding him is now past tense, isn't it...? こんなにも切ないワンシーンなのに、もう1人の堀が「あなたと結バレッタ裕…」って囁いてきてもうダメです（現在朝4時）

In this one heartrending scene, too, another Hori whispers to me, "You and Yutaka Balletta ..." but it's already no good (currently 4 in the morning)

全てが片付き、夭聖体のみんなが寶さんに声をかけてきます。

Everything's wrapped up so everyone calls out to Takara. なんだよお前ら、ちくしょー、まじで、お前ら…(′つω；｀)

What the hell, everyone, damn, really, you guys... (′つω；｀) しかもうるうくん、「僕たちは、ファミリーなのだから」それってさ、焔くんのことも、みんなのことも引っくるめて″ファミリー″なんだよね…？

Yet, Uruu goes, "We're family, in case you've forgotten." That means Homura and everyone are 'family', huh...? 万感の思いを込めて「サンキュ」と一言だけ返す寶さん。

Takara returns that with a single word full of emotions: "Thank you." 寶さん、あなたの欲しかったものって、きっと…

Takara, what you really want is certainly... そして後方家族面の蘭丸、その視線の先には様子を見ていたチルカが…。

Then, from behind Ranmaru, Chilka, who was watching him out of the corner of his eye... かつて愛していると言っていた蘭丸に対して、「Go to Hell!!地獄に落としてやる！」と言い残してその場を去ります。

As opposed to [when] he said he loved Ranmaru in the past, he leaves as he [yells], "Go to hell!!" …何故和訳してくれたんだ…。そこに不穏な空気が残ります。

Why did this Japanese translation come up? This left a disquieting atmosphere. [T/N: Hori translates "Go to hell!" (ENG) as "Fall into hell!" (JPN).] 豊穣さんの「いいファミリーになりましたな」

Houjou: "They've become a fine family indeed." この一言、嬉しかったなぁ。

I was happy with this one brief comment.

第一話の時、「君たちは今からファミリーだ」 なんて言われて戸惑っていた5人ですが、今では声を大にしてファミリー蘭丸って叫べます。

In episode 1, he says, "From now on, you are family," leaving the 5 of them bewildered, but now they can yell about how they're "family Ranmaru". いや、ファミリー蘭丸ではないけどね！？山本さんのプリティミス（伏線）だけどね！？笑

No, not "family Ranmaru"?! Is this a pretty mistake from Yamamoto (foreshadowing)?! (LOL) [T/N: This is referring to Bakkun's VA Kazutomi Yamamoto. Also, yes, it does say "pretty mistake", but it's likely to be "printing mistake".] そんな中改めて十訓を厳守させよと戒める女王。

In that [part], the Queen once again demands rigid adherence of the 10 Laws. あのような過ちとは…過去の因縁はまだ根が深そうです。

A mistake like that... it seems that past fates are still deep-rooted. そしてここからが怒涛の展開ですよ皆さん。

Then, everyone, the surge in developments [happens] from here. なんとあのシルク・ドゥ・マーズから合格通知が届いたティナさん！

Tina's somehow received a notification of acceptance into Cirque de Mars! 相当頑張ってきた努力が遂に実って、ニューヨークから熱いラブコールをかけられています。

The hard work she put in has finally pulled off and she's receiving passionate calls from New York. 喜んでいたのも束の間、そこに現れたのはなんと妻原さん！！？

It was a short moment that she could be happy, and then, who would arrive but Tsumahara?!! あんたって人は、懲りずにまだティナさんに…と持ったらなんと勝ちすぎちまったから命を狙われている！？

He's still trying to teach Tina a lesson, but...he won too much and they're gonna kill him?!

それもしかして、GO TO HEAVENされた時のオールインで…！？

On top of that, what about the all-in from the GO TO HEAVEN...?! すっからかんかよォー！！じゃなかったのかよォー！！

He's not broke anymore?!! 費用も全て持つから連れて行ってくれ、なんて、うーん、ティナさんとしては助かるけど…。

He'll come along, pay for everything and, yeah, sorta help Tina out...? まぁ、イケメンだからいっか……よくないわい！！！！

Well, he's handsome...but no!!!! [T/N: reference to ep. 5] 改心して今度こそ家族になるのか、それともニューヨークでまた悶着を起こすのかはわかりませんが、なんにせよティナさんとお子さんの先行きが明るくて良かったです。

I don't know if the family has reformed properly or if they're going to New York to quarrel again, but Tina and her child's future is bright. その様子を微笑ましく見ていた寶さんの元に、一本の電話が。

After seeing the smiling child's face, he receives a call. シリウスの事を伝えていた弁護士さんから、大変なことがわかったぞ、と。

The lawyer uncovered some [information] about Sirius and it's something unbelievable. 女王の過去や！と言いながら見せた一枚の写真には…、 あ、あ、あ、あ、あアイドルユニットぉ！！？

"...the Queen's past!" he says as we're shown a photo of an...i-i-i-i-i-idol unit?!! かつて一大ブームを巻き起こした、ウィンタートライアングル。

Winter Tri-angels, who created a sensational big boom in the past. シリウス！？ベテルギウス！！？プロキオン…？

Sirius?! Betelgeuse?!! Procyon...? シリウスとベテルギウスは恐らく…でも姿が…！？

Sirius and Betelgeuse are probably...but that form is...?! そして女王の過去というのは、この写真とどう関係してくるのでしょうか…。

Also, what does the Queen's past have to do with this picture...? 女王の過去や、チルカと蘭丸の確執、夭聖界のことや、寶さんの言っていたもう一山、更にここに来てまた新しい謎が…！！！

The Queen's past, Chilka and Ranmaru's antagonism, the fairy world, all the stuff Takara said - on top of that, another mystery...!!! 本編もいよいよクライマックスに向けて、盛り上がりが止まるところを知りません。

At last, we're approaching the climax of the main story and I don't know if [the tension] will stop rising.

いよいよあと二話ですが、最後までみんなで大騒ぎしていきましょう！

Finally, there's two episodes to go, so let's get really excited until the end! Fairy蘭丸～あなたの心お助けします～ 次回『憎悪』もお見逃しなく！！というわけで、禁忌其の拾『快楽』堀の感想ここまでとなります。

Don't miss the next episode of Fairy Ranmaru ~We Will Help Your Heart~, "Hatred"!! That's it for my impressions on Taboo No. 10, "Hedonism". ここまで長い文章に付き合って頂き、ありがとうございました！！

Thanks for keeping me company [as I write] these long sentences!! 余談なんですが、大体メインキャストは一緒に録るんですが、この回の収録は実は堀が1人ブースに籠って先に録られた皆様の声を聴きながら台詞を当てておりました。

As a side note, usually the main cast would record together, but this time, I was alone in the booth, listening to the voices of those who recorded before as I added my lines. 収録が終わってからブースのドアを開けて、 誰もいないだろうなぁ、と思ってフッと休憩スペースを見たら、 なんと5 to HEAVENのみんなが残ってくれてて、映像が流れるディスプレイをずっと見守ってくれてて、 こっちを向いて堀さんお疲れ！とか、メッチャ汗だくじゃん！とか笑いながら言ってくれて。

When I finished recording and opened the booth, I looked at the rest area, thinking no one was there. Surprisingly, everyone from 5 to HEAVEN was there, watching over a video display. They turned to me and said things like, "Good work, Hori-san!" and "You're so sweaty!" so I laughed while I talked. その瞬間、堀の頭の中に寶さんのサンキュ。のシーンがリフレインして、 なんかしどろもどろになるくらい嬉しかったです。きっとあの瞬間は忘れられないです。

In that moment, the scene where Takara says, "Thank you," played again in my head and although I was [in a state of] confusion, I was happy. I will surely not forget that moment. はい、余談終わり！笑

Yes, I'm done with my side note! (LOL) 話が進むにつれて、SNSで#F蘭丸であげてくださってる実況や感想、ファンアートや、写真など、盛り上がっているのを実感しております。

To continue the conversation, use #F蘭丸 on your real-time impressions, fanart, photos etc., which will give a real feeling to your excitement. そしてそれを見ている時、堀はスマホを握りしめるくらい嬉しくなります。

Also, when I see those, I become so happy, I grasp my phone tightly. いつもF蘭を応援して下さり本当にありがとうございます。皆さんの声が僕らの力になります！

As always, really, thank you for supporting F-Ran. Everyone's voices will be my strength! 引き続きFairy蘭丸を応援の程、何卒よろしくお願いいたします！！！

Please kindly take care of me as you continue to support Fairy Ranmaru!!! このブログ書くの頑張ったからな！

I tried my best with this blog [post]! 読んでくれてメチャクチャ嬉しかったからな！

Thanks a lot for reading! 雅楽代 た～から！役の堀曜宏でした！

This has been Akihiro Hori! who plays the role of Ta~kara Utashiro! スネークバァーイ！🐍

Snake-bye!🐍 [T/N: "Snakebite Hori" joke.] ワイの魅力、皆にも伝わったかな～？

Takara: Did I convey my appeal to everyone~?

Update: Fixed the note regarding "Yamamoto". Thanks, @blankie-greenie-anon.

Update 2: Missed a sentence, improved a sentence and fixed some pronouns and other minor things.

Update 3: Improved a sentence.

[bellaslilpapercut]

Eclipse reread part 3 bewr bewr bewrrr! Covering the entire rest of the book in ONE post so buckle on in baybee: 

1. Absolutely everything about chapter 15 (wager) is disgusting. To a certain extent I appreciate how successfully meyer captures how frustrating assault is as a woman, how futile it feels to fight against it. But at the same time the way she handles the aftermath is unbelievably disappointing and infuriating. Charlie doesn't get up to help his own daughter, Jake trails after Bella into the house and sticks around, there's just no relief or reflection that feels satisfying. Bella can ask where the justice is when she finds out Jake isn't aging but just ignores Charlie defending her assailant? And to some extent I get it, I've shut down after assault before to the point where it took years to recognize that some of the things that happened even were assault. But when there's a pattern within the series of men being narratively rewarded for assault and abuse and women being punished for reacting to abuse it feels like the narrative is reinforcing the status quo of women<men. I'm not stupid, I understand when a book is trying to make me uncomfortable and I don't need villains to be punished to know that they're villainous. This doesn't come across that way at all. Meyers handling of misogynistic abuse and violence lack the nuance to make me believe that she sees this violence as something to be critical of rather than something that just happens to women. And again, because it's a pattern in her writing, women getting no reprieve from gendered harm, I don't believe she's making a statement. There's just no self awareness and that's the key difference between a story like Brave New World or Lolita and Twilight.

2. Also this quote that precedes the assault is just so so frustrating:

Bella is not mean for setting boundaries! She isn't stringing you along! I would love to hit meyer in the head with a rolled up newspaper. Anyway.

3. Bella keeps saying things like "this would be annoying if it weren't so scary" in regards to having her clothes stolen by vampires that want her dead and having to lie to people around her, again because dozens of vampires want her dead. And y'know after the third time she said she would be annoyed if she weren't scared I'm just left to believe she isn't scared at all. I don't feel rising tension, the newborn army feels like a minor nuisance and even after they connect it to victoria (who still hasn't shown up at all) I'm just like...okay well get on with it then! Meyer makes bella "shudder" (I'm still tempted to make a comp of every time she shudders in this fucking book lol) instead of showing us her actual fear. I don't believe she's scared, I don't care about the "threat," and I don't believe anything bad will happen to Bella. There are Literally No Stakes here. I'm not invested in this story at all.

4. Alice is a bad friend lmfao

Girl, you're psychic you know she wanted to wear red why are you just dressing her up for your brother.

5. Okay returning to point 3 because I read chapter 17 and had an epiphany: Bella says she isn't scared for herself and I get that I do. But smeyer also hasn't shown us that she's selfless- just that she doesn't care if she dies. If bella actually cared for her human friends, in any way, I would believe that the newborn army was a scary threat because the people she loves might get hurt. But I don't believe that she cares about that I only believe that she- like Edward- has a weird martyr complex.

6. The Mirror chapter also reinforces this. I can’t stop thinking about how much more impactful it would have been narratively if it had been Angela in Bree’s position (because she’s the only human friend Bella seems fond of but if Bella showed interest in any of the other humans, honestly any of them would do). Imagine the moment where the newborn vampire first lifts her head to look into Bella’s eyes and it’s someone she knows. Someone she cares for. There should have been consequences for Bella beyond “Jake got some bones broken and now I feel bad :(” which was also a shitty punishment because smeyer is inflicting physical trauma on an indigenous character just to make Bella feel bad. Okay. Anyway, it would have built the tension I was missing for- quite literally- over 300 pages of this book if Bella’s friends and classmates and Fork’s residents had been going missing the whole time. Suddenly, at the end of the battle, there’s Angela. Or Jess. Or Katie fucking Marshall. Someone Bella knew should have been there and maybe I would have cared about this book at all.

7. Going back in time to this quote which comes before the battle:

UGH!!! SHUT UP SMEYER! She literally poisoned Jake’s character from the moment she made him a main character and she has zero self reflection to see the damage that she’s causing here. I’ve said before that I don’t think Jake’s actions were a romantic deal breaker and that stands out now more than ever after reading Eclipse. THIS is the moment that Bella realizes she’s in love with Jake too. Smeyer not only sees abuse and aggression as romantic, she also lacks the braincells and reflection to see that she’s playing directly into racist stereotypes. Edward got to grow up- marginally- but Jake had to remain aggressive. I still don’t think she ever once meant to villify Jake- I think that there was no way in a hell a racist woman could ever successfully portray an indigenous character. His tenderness is tainted by the aggression she forces on his character and in the end he never had a chance because- again- he was being written by a racist woman with fucked up views of indigenous people.

8. Okay, I get it. They’re like Cathy and Heathcliff. Fine. I buy it.  

This isn’t even the last time she compares them to Cathy and Heathcliff. Kate Bush isn’t gonna write a song about you, meyer! Give it a rest! (Also lol at “like wuthering heights”)

9.  Jumping right to the end here because to be completely honest the only actual event in the entire book was the newborn battle. Jane was a bitch, fine. Edward talked at Victoria and bored her to death (presumably) and the action never felt very action heavy. I knew if from the “best friend (and werewolf)” line that this book was presumably written for idiots given how little is left to the imagination at any given time. I can’t stand when books treat the audience like dummies and I especially can’t handle YA books that do this. Teenagers aren’t stupid!! Young adults can pick up on subtlety in literature!! AND young adults can handle suspense and action. smeyer doesn’t do either well and the editors never once said “hey you know teens aren’t stupid right? like your audience will pick up on hints that you scatter you don’t have to forcefully explain everything?”  

10. Smeyer can’t stop interrupting herself even in the very last sentence of the book proper:

What, pray tell, is wrong with “Where it would stay for the rest of eternity.” Why did you have to sow doubt in the sentiment right after Bella made her For Real Final Decision???? And why the em-dash!? Again: the editors of the twilight saga are my nemeses but also my favorite conmen. What were they paid for?

11. Back to the editors real quick: if i was given a draft of eclipse I would instantly say: this story is almost 400 pages of nothing, you need to play with the structure of the story. You need to build suspense and if that means playing with POV like you randomly start doing in the epilogue, then do that. Or you can play with the plot. Nothing happens for 300 pages. It takes 300 pages to get to the newborn battle and nothing that happens before the newborn battle makes me feel worried about it. Again, kill off some humans, raise the stakes, do SOMETHING. This was so painfully slow to read because meyer tried to center this book on a love triangle that I didn’t even believe in myself. And even then, it took 14 chapters for the love triangle to get real action (as in an Event, not necessarily physical action). 

12. The epilogue. Oh man. Was the r-slur really so acceptable in 2007 that not one single editor questioned its use? I won’t type the quote in full but Jake refers to his fake arm sling as r-word. Like??? What? And THEN smeyer has him call Leah a “bitter harpy.” Shut up. 

In conclusion, nothing felt like a bigger waste of time than Eclipse. Genuinely, to be completely honest. Two (2) important things happened, at least in Bella’s narrative (I agree with Vinelle that the Volturi debacle was important from Carlisle’s perspective, it adds nothing to Bellas and Bella learns nothing important from it.): 1. Bella made a decision, she chose Edward. Who could have seen that coming? Whaaaat? 2. Rosalie told Bella her backstory. Not that Bella even used that to reflect on her decision to become a vampire but hey, at least it felt like an important moment. Jasper’s backstory only mattered for the newborn battle which didn’t matter at all (and it never informed his character and no one ever brings up that the confederacy was a terrible dark stain on US history (along with the rest of US history but that’s a full dissertation or two on its own)). I can’t imagine a way to improve this book as a standalone book. You could split up the plot (using that term loosely) so that New Moon and BD are both a little longer and BD a little more organized. But without completely changing the plot beats in Eclipse, its just pointless.

[the-hopeless-haze]

Someone You Have to Let In (Being Alive Chapter 7)

A/N: this is another long one - like 5-6k words? IDK! Someone needs to stop me lol. This chapter gave me so much grief so I hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: mentions of past abuse, suspect gets handsy; par for the course for SVU episode

Read on Archive

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Rafael walks up the stairs to the precinct, his pulse racing and his heart pounding in his ears. Even his stomach feels queasy, and he can’t remember the last time he was ever this anxious. Olivia called him at one in the morning, saying she needed him there to talk about where they could get with this case. She never mentioned you - and he knew you were set up to be the thirst trap. Why wouldn’t she say anything about how you were? All he can think is the worst, and of course, she wouldn’t say anything to him. She may have suspected something was going on between the two of you, but she was never going to push his buttons and call him out on it over the phone. But that also meant that if you were hurt... he’d be the last to know. You hadn’t called him on your own, either, so something must have happened.

And sure enough, when he gets to the bullpen you’re at your desk, alone, huddled in a shock blanket, staring listlessly at the walls. Your makeup is done up like a working girl’s, all heavy dark eyeshadow and red lipstick, and he can see peeks of a tight sequined black dress underneath the blanket and torn fishnets on your legs. Eventually, your gaze meets his and you furrow your brow in confusion as he walks quicker toward you.

“What’s the matter with you?” you ask.

“What's the matter with me? (Y/n), what the hell? Why didn’t you call me?” he asks frantically. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Rafael,” you say as he kneels down in front of you. “Be quiet. They’re going to hear you and Sonny’s gonna be back any minute.“

“You think I care about that? What the hell happened?”

“Nothing! I’m fine. Olivia just didn’t want me in the room with him. It’s okay,” you mutter, shrugging. “I’m only wearing the blanket because I’m cold. Nothing happened to me.”

Rafael walks over to you and kneels down in front of you, peeling the blanket off to reveal fresh bruises and scratches, the imprints of another man’s fingertips and nails brandishing the skin of your shoulders. “Nothing happened to you? Bullshit. What’s all over your arms, cariño?”

“He got handsy. What did you think was going to happen? But do you honestly think Olivia would let anything worse than that happen to me? I’m okay,” you say defensively as tears build up in your eyes.

“You don't look okay! Why are you crying, then? (Y/n)--"

“Why are you yelling at me?” you cut him off, your voice straining as you wipe under your eyes with the back of your hands, black streaks of eyeliner smudging onto them. “Jesus Christ. You’re making me feel like I'm the one you're prosecuting. Go do your job. Don’t worry about me.”

But he did worry, now, because you had somehow figured out how to weasel into his life even though the No Vacancy sign was flashing. And it doesn’t even feel like a choice, it feels more like he owes it to you, and he’s honestly not sure how much he likes that. Still, though, he presses his lips to yours and takes off his suit jacket, draping it around your shoulders, giving you something of him to comfort you and put over the wounds someone else caused you. And isn’t that all love is? A healing balm for the pain we’ve been caused?

Rafael swallows thickly. He can’t be bothered to think of that now. He cares about you, but he doesn’t love you. Right?

Okay then.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. Stop crying,” he says, trying to level his voice.

You laugh a little, a few tears still rolling down your cheeks. “Wow. You could teach a class on comfort. Stop crying? Who knew that was all anyone had to say?”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do,” he whispers, reaching down and squeezing your hands.

“Hey. You got me to laugh. And anyway... It’s okay. I told you I’m fine.”

You don’t say anything else, and Rafael really doesn’t know what else to do, so he just kisses you, one of his hands leaving yours to smooth down your hair.

“I’m okay,” you whisper against his lips as you pull away. “You weren’t called here because of me. Go do your job.”

“(Y/n)—“

But he’s cut off from continuing because he hears the bullpen office door open and he glances up at you. “I told you Sonny was gonna be back,” you whisper, and your eyes are urging him to go but it’s too late. You’re still wearing his suit jacket and Rafael has your lipstick on his mouth. The unspoken “secret” is going to be spoken now, and fuck it, maybe it’s about time.

“Hey, (y/n), they didn’t have that tea you wanted so I got you a hot chocolate and... oh. I’m sorry. Am I interrupting something?” he says as he walks in, standing in front of your desk with a tray of hot drinks and a bag of pastries.

“No,” you say. “Rafael was just gonna go see what Liv needed.”

“I know that, but I mean...” His blue eyes dart between you and Rafael knowingly and he grins. “Guess you weren’t lying about the boyfriend just so I’d stop trying to set you up with my Fordham buddies.”

“No,” you say, winking at Rafael. “I deserve better than that, anyway. I like ‘em Harvard Law educated.”

Even Rafael has to laugh at that, especially when Carisi rolls his eyes as he puts the food down on his desk. “You got her dogging Fordham now, Barba? She used to be such a nice girl, too.”

“Mm. Rafael made me mean just like him,” you giggle, clearly having too much fun with this. “He’s an awful influence.”

“Well, damn. I guess Amanda was right. I mean, we all kinda figured, but... Amanda would’ve bet her whole life savings that something was going on. Well, good for you guys. You want me to keep my mouth shut, too, or...?”

“Can we trust you to?” you ask.

“Won’t even tell Sarge. Promise.”

“Mm. No. It’s okay, (y/n),” Rafael interjects was he glances at you. “I think it’s time we give up the charade, don’t you?”

“I’ve only been saying that for a good two months,” you tease, but you lean over and press your lips to the side of his mouth. Was this how you were going to be, now that you could show affection in front of them? Maybe this is part of why he wanted it under wraps; he didn’t want the squad to see just how much he had let you into his life. He has a reputation to uphold, and a lot of it was built on the fact that he came off as stoic, stern, and standoffish. And yet, with a simple touch, you destroyed that illusion and made it seem like the front that it was.

“Olivia’s going to be wondering where you are. I’m fine. Go,” you tell him, and he nods, squeezing your hand again before getting up and heading down the hallway to meet her.

The case seemed simple enough, although he needs a positive ID from the rape victims and the suspect wasn’t budging. He kept telling Amanda that you wanted it, and it’s all Rafael can do to not break through the glass and choke him out. And it’s not that Rafael was jealous, because he wasn’t. As long as you wanted him more than others, that was all that mattered, and he knows you’d never want this son of a bitch in a million years. But he’d never quite had the sympathy for upset significant others in these situations until now. Listening to this asshole talk in hypotheticals about what he’d do to you? Thank god you weren’t subjected to listen to this.

“Sorry for waking you up,” Olivia says. “But thank you for coming. I wanted to know what you thought when we brought him in.”

“It’s fine, Liv,” he says. “I don’t sleep anyway. Besides, it’s always good to get ahead. Is (y/n) set to testify? She’s going to need to, considering she was bait and...I know that can be difficult for her. I just want this airtight.”

“She’s just a little shaken right now. Did you talk to her when you came in?”

“Yes. You know what happened to her, though, when she was younger, don’t you? I just don’t think it’s fair to have her be the one who draws the suspects out like that, considering..."

Olivia’s eyes widen and she touches his shoulder, forcing him to look at her worried facial expression. “Did she say something to you? I know she can push herself too far sometimes, but I wouldn’t have allowed this if I thought she wasn’t able to handle it.”

“No. I think she can handle it. I just don’t think she should have to.”

Her hand squeezes his shoulder gently before letting go, and she gives him a tight smile. "I know. It's really sweet that you care so much, though, Rafael. I guess you really do have a soft spot for her, hm?"

"Oh Jesus Christ, Olivia. Just say that you know I've been seeing her outside of work,” he sighs exasperatedly.

Olivia laughs, her brown eyes gleaming. "I was wondering if you were ever going to tell me. Carisi catch you?"

"Maybe."

"So how long? Amanda thinks six months, but I wasn't sure."

Rafael snickers. "You need to keep her on a leash. But no. She's right. It's been about six months."

"Well, good for you, Rafael."

“So what happens now?”

“You take her home.”

“That’s it?”

“Yeah. That’s it.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Upset? Why would I be upset? I think you two are good for each other. You keep her grounded, she keeps you young.”

Rafael scoffs. “Nice armchair psychoanalysis.”

“Is that why you tried to keep it hidden, though? You thought I was going to be upset?”

“I don’t know. I’m a lot older—“

“Not my concern. If she's okay with it, who am I to intervene? She’s not someone I ever pictured you with, but... like I said. You’re good for each other, and I trust you to keep things in line. You have so far.”

“Maybe not, if everyone figured it out."

"Well, you may be careful to a fault, Rafael, but subtlety is not your strong suit."

"Do I want to know what that refers to?"

"Probably not," she says, her brown eyes teasing. "But I was sitting next to you at the bar a few weeks ago and that's when I knew without a shadow of a doubt."

It takes Rafael a minute to think back to what she might be thinking of - so what, he left abruptly? Amanda was the one who got you two in a cab together... and then he remembers his hands between your thighs and your hands between his, and he feels his face flush of its own accord. "I'm sorry--"

"Keep in mind that I have eyes, and this is fine with me, okay?" Olivia laughs. "You might have a tougher time with the D.A., though."

Rafael shrugs, willing his blush to cool down. "I'll deal with it when the time comes.”

Just then, Amanda and Nick come out from the interrogation room, and immediately Amanda’s saying, “Hey, what’s got Barba all flustered? (Y/n) in that dress too much for him?”

Rafael shoots Olivia a glare. “That leash? It needs to be about ten inches shorter.”

Olivia chuckles and looks at Amanda. “Cat’s out of the bag, Amanda. You were right. He just admitted it.”

“Son of a bitch,” Nick sighs. “I can’t believe I’m going to be out $100 for this shit.”

“You actually bet on us?” Rafael asks incredulously. “You two are unbelievable. I thought you weren’t supposed to gamble, Rollins?”

“It’s not gambling when you know you’ll win, is it?” Amanda grins. “Thanks for the $100, Barba.”

“Yeah, no problem,” he snarks.

“You charging him so we can get out of here?” Nick asks.

“Yeah. Attempted assault for now so we can book him,” Rafael says, nodding.

Rafael talks to the suspect’s lawyer and has a conversation that will give him a headache into tomorrow, but there isn’t much to be said when there’s footage of him grabbing you thanks to cameras set up outside the club. And for the first time, he gets to leave the precinct with you without staggering your departure times so the squad didn’t see you leave together. He's surprised at how nice it is, even if he could do without Amanda and Carisi's comments.

“I told you it wouldn’t be so bad if they knew. I honestly don’t think they care as much as you thought they were going to,” you say as you walk with him down the stairs, your hand in his. You’re still clad in his suit jacket, wearing it like it was yours now, even buttoning one of the buttons toward the top.

“Still. It’s not exactly appropriate that we’re seeing each other.”

“Yeah, I know. But thank you for coming around.”

Rafael doesn’t say anything, just hails a cab. You lean your head against his shoulder as you wait, your tousled hair brushing against his lips. “Are you sure you’re alright? I watched the footage and—“

“I’m fine, Rafael. Really. Bruises will heal.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

You’re about to answer but a cab pulls over and you get in wordlessly, Rafael following. He thinks you’re about to continue, but you don’t, you stay silent.

“(Y/n)? Talk to me,” he says gently after a few moments.

You draw in a breath, nodding slowly. “Yeah. I’ll be alright, honey. I mean, I had to expect that would happen. This is what happens when you’re the youngest female detective on the squad... and... let’s just say I look forward to getting older.”

“They can’t force you to go undercover like that. I can talk to—“

“No. You’re not talking to anyone for me, tough guy,” you say, smiling softly. “It’s not like that. I offered. I hate doing it, but...whenever I do, I just think about how I’m going to get away practically unscathed because I have a whole team of detectives watching out for me. What about all those girls who don’t have that? I’m doing it for them, so we get these pieces of shit off the street. It’s just... what gets to you is them looking at you like another piece of meat. That’s what haunts me, that’s what’s going to keep me up at night... but I’m okay.”

“It doesn’t sound like it! Jesus Christ.”

“It was worse doing it for homicide in Boston, looking into eyes that envisioned you dead,” you say, and Rafael feels a shiver run up his spine. “Believe me. I’ve had worse nights.”

“I just don’t think you should be doing it at all, though, given what happened to you—“

“It’s part of the job. It’s not the same. I expected this,” you murmur, and you’re silent for the rest of the ride, and you’re silent as you walk up to the apartment with him, and you’re silent as you take your makeup off in his bathroom, sullen tears slipping from your eyes down your cheeks. Rafael stands in the doorway, feeling that pit in his stomach grow stronger.

“Cariño? Why are you crying? Did I push you too far? I’m sorry.” He walks in, coming to stand next to you.

“It’s... the rape. Sometimes I still feel like I’ll never get over it.”

“Oh, bebita,” he exhales, his heart breaking a little, you seeping in through the cracks. In his career, he dealt with many victims of horrible things, men and women of similar circumstances to yours. He never quite thought about what happened to them after he prosecuted their rapists, never thought of the havoc it could wreak even decades later, and now he feels terrible for it. Who was he to think his prosecution of their rapists did anything more than placate them momentarily? “Did I do something wrong? I shouldn’t have brought it up. I’m sorry.”

“No. It’s not you. You’ve been so good,” you say, wiping your eyes with the tissue, a few leftover streaks of mascara bleeding onto it. “I don’t know. I was always told I’d never be a detective by my superiors in the academy, that I’d be stuck doing desk work because I was ‘too emotional’ or ‘too damaged’. I lasted a week in the Crimes Against Children Unit in Boston. A fucking week! The only reason I ever made it out onto the field was because the homicide lieutenant was desperate for staff. He would alternate between keeping the training wheels on and then taking them off, and it was just sickening. I never felt like a real detective. And here, I mean... Olivia’s like that too, kind of, but at least she only makes me step back when it is absolutely necessary. I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t have been a detective. It would’ve been nice to have one part of my life this didn’t touch.”

“Come here,” Rafael says quietly, because he doesn’t know what else to say, and he lets you into his embrace, hugging you tightly into his chest. “You’re a great detective, and I’m not just saying that, (y/n). But you don’t have to do this to do your job. I don’t see Carisi wearing skintight dresses and I don’t see him with bruises up and down his arms, and he still gets paid the same as you.”

“Mm, Sonny in a skintight dress? That’d be something to see,” you giggle. “But I told you why I do this. It’s not just because I want to prove myself to the NYPD, it’s to protect those girls—“

“Okay. That’s admirable. But you’re paying for it now. And who’s protecting you?” You lift your head from his chest to look at him incredulously; as if he just figured out the world’s most complex math problem, and maybe he did just figure out one of your enigmas. “Let’s get you out of this dress, hmm?”

“I don’t want to have sex tonight,” you murmur. “Sorry—“

“That isn’t what I meant,” he says quietly. “Don’t apologize to me.”

“Oh?” you ask, your brow furrowing even more. “I thought—“

"No. Come on."

And it's quiet as he unzips your dress, as you slip one of his shirts over his head, as both of you brush your teeth before heading to bed. Rafael thinks you fell asleep as you're still silent for a few moments, staying stiff on your side of the bed, but you turn over and say, "Thank you, Rafi."

"For what?"

"For being so understanding. For being here, you know?" you say, pressing your lips to his. "I don't like to bring up my exes, but a lot of them just didn't get it and they just made me feel like I was never gonna be normal."

Rafael pulls you into his chest, kissing the top of your head. "You deserve so much better than that," he says, all too aware of how hollow that statement is. Of course you did. But was he really that much better? And did you love those exes? Was that all you were destined for, loving men who would never let you into their lives? You'd probably picked the most emotionally unavailable man on the block this time. But he wants to let you in, needs to, even if it terrifies him. He does care about you that much, and you had weaseled your way into most aspects of his life.

Still, though, there was a huge part of his life you hadn’t been introduced to: his Mami.

He has to let you meet her. You’ve been asking, maybe even practically begging, and he has to now. There’s a list of men and women he slept with that his mother never met, and maybe that’s a sin, maybe that’s what will send him to hell, because yes, maybe those rules about abstaining from sex before marriage are antiquated, but at least your mother should meet her, preferably before you bang her. He was too late for before, now, but you have to at some point.

The problem was that he hadn't mentioned you to his mother at all.

"Six months, Rafael Eduardo Barba, six months, you been taking this girl out on dates, you been buying her dinners, having her over your apartment, sleeping with her, and you don't have the decency to tell your mother? Ay, what is she like? Is she bonita? Is she inteligente? Oh, Rafa, is she Catholic?" His mother's phone tangent almost never ended. She wanted to know everything about you down to your social security number. Part of it was probably due to the fact that he hadn't introduced anyone to his mother in at least three years, maybe five, and she hated the last woman with a passion. God, Rafael barely remembered her name now, and he thinks Alex set him up with her.

He almost thought his mother passed out when he told her how old you were. But then, of course, she said it was a sign from God and that you were going to give her at least three grandchildren, preferably five. It was always one of Lucia Barba’s biggest regrets that she only had one child, having grown up with seven siblings, but Rafael always saw it as a blessing in disguise. His father didn’t need any more targets.

God, that phone call was hell. But he has to let you into his family life, so... it was going out to dinner with his mother on a Wednesday night.

“When am I going to meet your parents?” He asks you at dinner while you’re waiting for his mother to show up.

You smile. “We’ll see.”

“Not really fair.”

“My parents are miles away. Your mother is a cab ride away. It’s really not fair that I haven’t met her yet.”

“You use up all your vacation days to go see your brother. You could’ve taken me to meet them any of those times. You’ve gone at least three times since we’ve started dating.”

“Well. You’re always busy when I go.”

“I can ask for time off, (y/n),” he says, but that thought is left on hold as his mother walks in the restaurant, heading straight for their table. He smiles when he sees her, getting up and hugging her and kissing her cheek.

You get up too, scooting out of the booth behind Rafael. You shake her hand. “It’s so nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Barba. I’m (Y/n).”

“Si, it’s nice to meet you too, sweetheart. You can call me Lucia. So. How did you meet my boy?"

“Work,” you say, sliding back into the booth before Rafael. “He works with the squad I’m on.”

“Yes. Special victims unit. Tough job. You must be a tough woman,” she says, sympathetically. “Now...You’re a lot younger than my boy,” she says after a few minutes and Rafael almost slams the table and walks out. God, he loves his mother but this wasn’t what he wanted to talk about.

“What is it, 15 years, give or take?” you ask, turning to Rafael.

“Seventeen,” he murmurs, feeling sick. He’s never felt so old. There was his mother, who had him at seventeen years old. What the hell did she actually think about him being with you?

“Do your parents know how old he is?” Mami asks.

You nod, which surprises him. He didn’t know you’d had that conversation. “He hasn’t met them yet, though.”

“Ay, at least you have a good excuse. They live away. You know, I haven’t met anyone in a few years. Rafa’s been a priest. Or didn’t like them enough to bring them to me. You must be special.”

Thankfully, the waiter comes over, takes everyone’s order, and Rafael is able to rein the conversation in a little, talk about work, the weather, anything other than the topics his Mami was particularly drawn to. You ask about his abuelita, and his mother frowns.

“She doesn’t get out much these days. We’re worried about her health.”

“She should be in a nursing home,” Rafael says, pursing his lips. “She’s stubborn, though.”

“Let her have one more Thanksgiving and Christmas at home, Rafa,” Mami says. “We can talk about that next year.”

“I’d love to meet her,” you say. “Rafael talks highly of her.”

“Ay, she raised him the days I couldn’t. We both owe her so much,” she says, her eyes welling up. “When’s the next time you’re free during the day? Come with Rafa and me and being her groceries. She really never gets to meet Rafa’s girlfriends.”

“I’d love to,” you say, smiling brightly.

"You know, Rafa tells me you cook. You want some recipes?" She asks you. "I've always wanted to pass down abuelita's recipes, but Rafael can barely make rice, and he's never had a girlfriend who could cook either, far as I know."

"I'd love them, thank you! Rafael's always asking if I know how to make Cuban recipes, but I don't."

"Rafael eats too much takeout. I worry about his blood pressure," his mother says.

"That's what I tell him!" you say and Rafael rolls his eyes. Of course his mother would find something to gang up with you on against him. Traitor.

His mother gets a cab, and leaves you and Rafael alone on the street. “Do you think she likes me?”

Rafael laughs, hugging you. “Yes. She wouldn’t give recipes to just anyone, believe me. It’d be hard to dislike you, cariño.” He lets you go, taking your hand in his as you walk down the street toward your apartment a few blocks away.

“Really? Because you hated me when we first met.”

“No, I didn’t. Why are you saying that?”

“You sure didn’t seem like you liked me.”

“I did. I always did.”

“Even when I told you off?”

“Mm. What did you say to me? No woman wants anything to do with me?”

“I guess I might’ve been wrong?”

“You think? I got you to stick around.”

“Hey. It’s been six months. Don’t get cocky. Anyone can do six months.”

He doesn’t say anything, just squeezes your hand. He hadn’t put in over six months with anyone in well, about six years. So maybe not anyone could, but he'd let you in, and you were staying, weren’t you?

“I like her. I see where you got a lot of things from.”

“Really? Everyone used to say I look like my father.”

“I don’t mean you look like her, I mean you act like her.”

“Oh,” Rafael says, pondering on that for a moment. Maybe he could handle looking into his father’s face in the mirror if his mother’s values were truly behind it. “When do I meet your parents?”

“Christmas?”

“Why not Thanksgiving?”

“Too soon.”

“How is that fair? And it’s two months away.”

“Fine,” you grumble. “Thanksgiving. All they do when they’re in the same room is fight. I’m not really looking forward to you seeing that.”

Rafael laughs. “Looks like I won’t get in a word in edgewise. Perfect first impression: they won’t even notice me.”

You chuckle. “They care. They’re good parents. But they shouldn’t have had children together, that’s a certainty."

——

His mother calls him that night, a few moments after he gets back to his apartment. “Mami, what are you still doing up?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about that girl?” she asks.

“What?”

“You heard me, Rafael. Don’t play stupid with me, not anymore.”

Rafael sighs. “I just didn’t. I’ve been meaning to.”

“You’re my son. I know when you lie to me. There’s a reason you kept her from me.”

“Mami, I’m 43,” he says heavily.

“I know how old you are, I was there the day you were born. You give me a good reason now, Rafael. Because I don’t understand it. She’s smart, she’s beautiful. She has a good job. I can tell she cares about you. Why did you think I wouldn’t like her?”

Rafael laughs, smiling against his phone. “I knew you’d like her. That’s why I haven’t mentioned her.”

“Ay, Rafael, you make no sense.”

“Yes. I’m aware.”

“So explain to your poor madre!”

“I didn’t want to get your hopes up,” he says softly.

“What? My hopes up for what?”

“Don’t make me say it,” he whispers.

“No. You say it, Rafael. Tell me so I don’t make any mistake.”

“I didn’t want you to get your hopes up in case I don’t end up marrying her!” The words hurt as they leave his mouth, turning around and stabbing him in the chest.

“But you did introduce me to her.”

And that’s where Rafael realizes his mistake.

“Do you want to marry this girl, Rafael?”

“I... I don’t know. You know how I feel about that—“

“Hmm. So you give me false hope anyway.”

“I care about her a lot, Mami.”

“But do you care about her enough?”

Well, that was the question, wasn’t it? He doesn’t know the answer. You two could never be perfect; could never be the ideal he had in his head because ideals weren’t real. Fairy tale romances didn't exist. So why try? Why get married, get tied down? Why not just keep a distance? You didn’t need to live with him, you didn’t need to take his last name, you didn’t need to have his children. You could just keep him company when he was lonely, and you could leave when he wasn't. And even now - you went back to sleep at your apartment because you had to wake up early the next morning to run with Amanda before work, and he had work to do tonight, and this way you didn't disturb him. It was just easier this way.

Right?

Maybe you didn’t want to get married at all, much less to an old man like him. You were still young, and you had years to settle down and figure things out.

Why was he hesitating? Men like him didn’t get women like you every day, and maybe that’s why men buy rings and ask for signatures on binding documents, he realizes with disgust. It’s why his father did it - his father was a decade older than his mother and he knocked her up and trapped her to a lifetime of suffering before she was legally able to vote or drink. Rafael didn’t want to be like that- you should feel free to leave him without worrying about divorce papers or the wrath of God.

Okay then.

If he could only have the good parts, it'd be fine. Waking up with you in the morning, your homecooked dinners that pull him away from his work just when he's getting fed up, the teasing that drives him up the wall but eases the tension in his shoulders... it's just, when you get upset and cry too much, when he's genuinely trying to work and you want to make out... and, oh, god, when you see him, when you just look at him and act like you know everything he's been through for the past four decades... It's too much. He doesn't want all of that.

Right?

Okay then.

Taglist: @caked-crusader​ @thatesqcrush​ @arabellathorne​ @law-nerd105​

Want to be added to the tags? Let me know!

NEXT CHAPTER

[desolationlovers]

x posting resumed

ill start with some basic plot explaination because i dont expect anybody to read a 30 year old reasonably hard to find manga

ok SO disclaimer i have a really hard time summarizing because i think everything is important so thisll be long. mentions of gore muder and death. and so much edge

kamui shiro (main character) is a teenager returning to tokyo after moving away six years before. his childhood friends kotori and fuuma (brother and sister) notice that hes become very hotheaded and abrassive where he was very quiet and shy as a kid.

kamui is being observered magically by two different groups, the dragons of heaven and the dragons of earth. both groups wonder how this kid could be The “Kamui”, the one whose destiny it is to decide the fate of humanity.

the dragons of heaven, also known as the “seven seals”, believe that humanity should continue to live on earth, even if it causes the eventual death of the earth. the dragons of earth, also known as the “seven angels”, want to get rid of all human life so that the earth can begin to heal and continue on. every member of both sides of this fight had their positions preordained. every move they make is destined to happen, foretold by dreamgazers. the dreamgazers are people with the ability to travel through the world of dreams, able to see the future as well as the past and are able to create their own dreamscapes. they can also bring other people into their dreams. the main dreamgazer, a woman named hinoto is on the side of the dragons of heaven and is gathering them all to ready for the Final Battle for the Fate of the Earth.

this is hinoto

kamui doesnt know a whole lot about his destiny other than he is involved in the final battle. the reason he and his mother left tokyo was because. brace yourself for this one also tw gore. kotori and fuumas mother was the one that “gave birth” to one of the sacred swords needed in the final battle. when she gives birth to this sword she straight up exploded. you know how in old ps2 games enemies would explode in a pile of meat. that. so kamui and his mom leave and she explains his part in the end of the world. kamui is the only one in this whole ordeal who gets to choose which side he wants to be on. no one really knows all the details about the future because parts of it only get locked in place when kamui makes his choice. cut to six years later kamui comes home from school and his house is on fire and his mom is inside. mom, unfazed by being actually on fire, tells kamui that the time has come to return to tokyo and fufill his destiny and then dies because she was on fire. kamui is not yet used to seeing people die horrifically in front of him so is devistated, but eventually makes his way to tokyo.

kamui doesnt actually seem to have put a lot of though into this whole destiny thing. his plan is to go retrieve the scared sword and leave because he specifically doesnt want kotori and fuuma involved because he knows it insanely dangerous and besides his mom theyre the only people he really cares about. so he adopts this whole evil asshole attitude so that they dont want anything to do with him. which doesnt really work lol.

after being an asshole to his friends at school, kamui runs into hinotos knight (basically) and picks a fight with him because hes sick of being spied on.

side note everyone involved with the final battle has. magic basically? everyone has a special thing they can do but everyone has the ability to naruto run on buildings and jump mega high and the like. anime shit. kamui has something similar to telekensis and can create energy blasts.

anyway theyre fighting and kamui shows no care to the destruction hes creating. the fight ends in a draw when another dragon of heaven shows up and pulls the knight out because theyre both severely injured. kamui ends up collapsing from his wounds and just so happens to be found by fuuma and taken to fuumas home (which is also a shrine) and calls a doctor. as kamui is passed out hinoto visits him in a dream and tells him to join the seven seals and shows him visions she has had about what could happen if he doesnt. one of the visions shows that kotori will be killed and hinoto says that he might be able to save her.

yet ANOTHER seal followed fuuma and kamui and gives out a another loredump the second he and kamui are alone. while this is happening the shrine is attacked by one of the seven angels that has come to steal the the scared sword. the angel kills fuumas father and escapes with the sword.

(sword feat. the dad)

hinoto has a dream that shows her that there are actually TWO “Kamuis” that will be on each side of the battle. whatever choice original kamui makes, the other will go to the other side.

kamui goes to finally meet hinoto in person and basically has the same convo as the dream but the dreamgazer of the seven angels shows up in this dream and tells him his other option to join the angels. kamui is mega pissed hinoto wouldnt tell him the whole truth. he storms out yelling about how he doesnt care about any of this.

after leaving kamui runs into kotori and they talk about how things were when they were kids and are immediately attacked by another of the seven angels. kamui is trying to protect kotori who has no fuckin clue whats goin on. fuuma shows up out of nowhere and gets them out of there. kamui tells fuuma that he just wants him and kotori to be safe.fuuma reveals that his father said somehing to him before he died and hes been having dreams about it before seeming to go completely blank faced and says that he and kamuis fates are intertwined but snaps out of it.

kamuis aunt, who has shown up like once and was vauge for a bit, appears and tells kamui and fuuma that shes about to give birth to the other scared sword. then she also explodes. her spirit tells them theres a secret vault where they need to take the sword to and keep there until the promised day.

kotori was getting drinks or something and walks into the massacare and loses her mind. she had seen her mother die the same way so she full on dissociates and is near catatonic.

fuuma on the other hand, goes back into that blank face trance and says that he is the second kamui. and snaps out of it again. sceret agents show up to take kamui to the vault. they bring along fuuma and kotori.

kamui does an assload of monolouging and reflection after they arrive at the vault. kamui tells fuuma that his only wish is for he and kotori to be safe and happy. fuuma once again switches to his other self and says “youve finally come to a decision i see” and grabs the sword and kotori. kamui gives chase.

fuuma destroys part of the building and holds kotori in place with wires on a massive cross (symbolism. subtlety who). fuuma stabs glass shards into kamui to pin him against a wall before ultimately killing kotori with the sword, as was foreseen by hinoto as well as kotori herself. fuuma bounces to join up with the dragons of earth while kamui breaks down over kotoris body.

side note if i had a nickle for everytime a near catatonic tramatized person carried around a decapitated head in this id have two nickles which isnt much but its weird it happened twice

congrats thats the first 8 volumes of x1999 with all of the side characters cut out.

i wrote all the way to 8 because kotoris death is basically the end of act 1 and is what gets the ball actually rolling. and since i want to talk about kamui as a character i had to get atleast that far. thats gonna be another post tho this is way too long its lagging my notes app. also tumblr only allows ten images. rip. no triangle shoulders for yall.

[kny-imagines]

burning [me], burning [you]

dedicated to my dear friend @kimetsu-no-yaiba-imagines (sending lots of love and support your way! pls survive your internship!!) and my wife @knybits who likes to cry about tanjirou a lot!!

special thanks to @knyimagines for being my mental support as i cried blood while writing this.

↬ sum;

you smile a lot, but it never reaches your eyes. kamado tanjirou, however, has the sweetest smile you’ve ever laid your eyes upon.

↬ ch; kamado tanjirou x gn!reader

↬ genre; angst; fluff

↬ warnings; none (except slight angst LOL)

↬ words; +1.8k

You smile a lot, but it never reaches your eyes. 

You weren‘t always like this, you recall. Years ago, buried somewhere deep in your memories, you were as carefree and happy as a bird. You soared above skies, looked down the vast scenery and felt like the ruler of a kingdom beyond imagination. But soon reality caught up to you and ripped your wings off your back. Before you knew it, you were flying headfirst into the ground.

 "Demons" you had heard them say. „Poor thing. Losing their family like that." 

The scars still burn, but you never show it.

____

You first meet Kamado Tanjirou in April and he comes in like a wild spring breeze.

 He makes a huge commotion with his appearance, and soon all residents of the Butterfly Estate are all over him. You don‘t pay him much mind; it has always been your preference to stay uninvolved with others. „Stay out of my business and I‘ll stay out of yours". That had always been your policy and so far everyone seemed to have gotten the silent note. Everyone except Tanjirou. 

“_____ you always smile, but are you happy? You seem so sad...” he asks one day after you you had brought him his meal. 

This aggravates you. You didn‘t spend years building the perfect facade just for some random guy to break it all apart. You excuse yourself and leave. It‘s cowardly, but you feel like staying with him in a room any longer might make you lose your composure and you don‘t want that to happen. You may have locked away your feelings, however, you still have pride.

____

Avoiding a guy like Kamado Tanjirou is hard. Like the wind, he comes fluttering in and before you know it you‘re surrounded by him. You know he means well whenever he tries to spend time with you. Maybe that‘s why he irritates you so much. You can‘t see a single trace of malice on his face and that scares you. You don‘t want nice things in your life. They only give you a false sense of security just for them to disappear again. They exist to give you a taste of happiness and even the worse aftertaste of loss and failure. You already had your share of pain and you‘re certainly not looking for more.

Soon enough you learn that Tanjirou is a very stubborn person. Subtlety doesn‘t work with him and even when you tell him bluntly that you don‘t want his company he completely misinterprets your words and bothers you the very next day again.

“Nezuko is very important to me,” he tells you one day. You're both sitting outside the porch and you pretend not to listen, yet he continues. “She's very important to me, but so are my mother, my father, and my many beloved younger siblings. I grieve their deaths, but I know I have to live my life to the fullest for them” 

You stay quiet and decide to play with the hem of your long Kimono sleeve instead. A red thread has come loose and you rip it off. Tanjirou doesn't say anything anymore.

____

Tanjirou has a sweet smile. Honest and warm - unlike yours. He‘s well-liked by both low-ranked demon slayers and pillars. Someone as bitter as you has no place next to him, you believe. He belongs somewhere up in the skies; He‘s the sun himself. You, on the other hand, belong hidden deep inside an abandoned tower. But even so, he seems to look for your presence. You push him away, he pulls you back - it‘s a never-ending game you‘re not sure of how to stop. (You don‘t know if you want it to stop.)

When you're both together, neither of you talks much - and if anyone talks it's always Tanjirou. He usually just rambles about his day, tells you about his friends and all the crazy things he had done. You would never admit it, but around him, you feel like you can put off your mask for a little while. 

“Your voice reminds me of the gentle sounds of wind chimes. It has a nice ring to it”, you mutter a little too loudly for your comfort. Seeing Tanjirous apple-red cheeks and beaming smile makes it all worth though.

It's when you're about to doze off in the sun as Tanjirou fondly brushes your hair aside, your anxieties rush back in. Tanjirou had gotten closer to you than anyone was ever supposed to. The ice around your heart had slowly begun melting and all your alarm signals were ringing. Your head hurts. Your scars burn. You hate feeling this way.

Letting people into your heart means losing them, you‘ve learned that much by now. So you do what you‘re the best at: You shut them out.

Your eyes shoot open and you slap his hand away. Your heartbeat quickens and you try to get as much space between you and him. You don't even dare to look him into the eyes - you don't need to look to know what expression he must make right now. The silence lies heavy; You walk away.

____

The next days you try your hardest to avoid him, but it's much more challenging than you had anticipated. In the deepest of your heart, you had hoped for him to get angry at you - not to openly seek you out so much. 

“That's enough.”

It's the first you've spoken to him in weeks and you're surprised by how calm you sound. (It's only a facade: Your hands are sweaty and your heart wants to jump out of your chest.) 

“Let's stop these fake games. I've had enough of this childish nonsense.” 

The whole world is spinning; You're getting dizzy. 

“I don't want you around me anymore, it's honestly such a pain. You don't really mean this, do you?”

“I don't understand-” His voice is trembling. “Please let me understand-” 

You don‘t want to be understood. You just want to be left alone. If you can‘t fly up high the skies anymore, you‘d at least like to be left alone in your ivory tower. Your voice is dripping with malice. "Stop bothering me. It's getting creepy.”

It all falls apart (like most nice things, you muse). It‘s your fault and you know it, but the pitiful person inside of you tries to reassure you it‘s for the better; It‘s to protect yourself from hurting. You know you shouldn't turn around, but you do it anyways and immediately regret it. Seeing his pained expressions sends a bullet through your heart. Walking away burns. You've hurt him. You've hurt him and now you're paying the price. You don't look back anymore.

____

During the night your scars burn the most. Memories of a happier time leading to a painful night come rushing back in and leave you screaming in agony. You wake up to a dry throat and a body covered in cold sweat.

The wooden floor is cold beneath your feet and brings you back to reality with each step you take. Nights like these aren't uncommon, but you never truly get used to them. Your body still shivers like the first time and your heart still beats so quickly, that you'd prefer it if you could just rip it out with your own two hands. Maybe then life would be easier.

Whenever breathing becomes a hassle, you escape outside. The wind howls and you can hear raindrops falling. There‘s something nostalgic about the wind and you let out such a bitter laugh that it hurts your dry throat. 

Regret? You don‘t regret turning a gentle spring breeze into a distant wind. It‘s better this way. It has always been. 

But the rain keeps getting louder; everything is so noisy, so annoying. Everything hurts. Your back burns. Your eyes burn. Your head feels dizzy. Your mind is clouded. 1000 things are happening at once and your head screams at you for being unable to process them. You just want to forget. Forget what it felt like to be close to others, what it felt like to be vulnerable. 

It burns. So you drown it. Your lungs burn, but your scars burn worse. There‘s a scorching pain in your back and no matter how much you engulf yourself in water, it always comes back, taunting you for your weakness.

You don‘t know what‘s more painful: Drowning yourself or coming back up to gasp for air. In the back of your mind, you can see your parents, but their faces are always blacked out. You‘ve disappointed them again.

And then Tanjirou is suddenly there. His features seem to be glowing underneath the moonlight and his hands look blurry and soft when they reach out to you. He takes you in his arms and carries you through the rain. 

There are many things you want to tell him. You want to tell him that you‘re sorry. That you meant none of the things that you told him. That he‘s the only one who made you feel like you‘re flying again and that it just made you so terribly scared. That you‘re just a scared person in general. A coward. 

But you‘re so, so tired and your mouth is too dry to form any coherent sentences. So you just cling to him and cry.

____

This time you wake up to sunlight and a weight on your stomach. Though the weight disappears as soon as you shift around on your bed and instead you‘re greeted with deep magenta eyes. “

Tanjirou?”

“Yes?”

“I‘m sorry.” 

He smiles and your eyes start to water again.

____

His hands are a bit rough but feel gentle against yours. 

“Your scent was always so faint, it almost felt like you were on the verge of disappearing. I suppose this made me curious, but I don‘t regret it.” 

Tanjirou has always been gentle. Gentle back then and gentle right now. 

Words are still too difficult to use sometimes, so you do what comes naturally to you and kiss his hands. You kiss his hands, his arms, his neck, his chin, his cheek, and his forehead until he takes your cheeks to stop you.

If Tanjirou‘s smile would be the sun, then his cheeks would be the sunset tinted in pink. Staring into his eyes makes you feel like you‘re drowning all over again, but it doesn‘t bother you. You close the gap and pull him with you under. 

With each kiss, the ice around your heart melts and you drown even deeper. You‘re floating in a sea of water that was once ice and you‘ve never felt freer. When both of you pull back, Tanjirou smiles and you smile back.

____

You lost your wings a long time ago; Every now and then the ache of your scars remind you of that. Yet Tanjirou's gentle wind carries you up high and makes your heart soar again. 

[Finally, your mask crumbles and gets carried away by his spring breeze.]

[luccislegs]

Can I request Kid, Killer, and a fem!s/o poly headcanons? The Kid/Law ones got me addicted sorry, lol

i uh, i might have to rewrite the kidxreaderxlaw hcs bc these are…way more in depth. i can’t seem to keep how i write these things fluid at all and i don’t know why. these were fun, though.

kid and killer have known each other for years, long enough to agree to open up a mechanic’s shop together, and long enough to be comfortable sharing an apartment.

there’s no real admission of attraction between the two of them because that just isn’t how they are, but they soon recognize the tension between the two of them and acknowledge a mutual interest.

they don’t openly admit to being together, not because they’re afraid or ashamed, but because they’re very private people and just like it that way. of course people do know, most of their friends are aware, but they aren’t the pda type.

they aren’t actively looking for a third partner and it’s never discussed between them, but neither of them would mind if someone did come in, because they know there’s things they can’t do for each other that someone else could.

one day, you wander in and they don’t really give you a second glance, but go and look at your car while making idle small talk. killer mentions he doesn’t recognize you, and you smile– and he can’t help but think you’re that much prettier when you do– while cheerfully saying you had just moved here.

you explain that it had been running just fine, until you had stopped for groceries, and it had taken you almost ten minutes to get it started. kid has it figured out in less than two and fixes it, waving you off when you ask about payment, telling you he just had to clean your battery terminals* and to check them if it happens again.

you thank them profusely and leave, and they quietly chatter about how pretty you were, but quickly move on to other things, pushing you from their minds.

they don’t expect to see you again, but a few days later you show up with a box of fresh donuts, saying, “i don’t know what kind you like, but i wanted to pay you back for being so nice the other day.”

they’re both surprised and glance at each other before taking the box from you. an awkward silence falls and you’re just thinking that maybe you should leave when killer cuts in with, “so where did you move from?”

that opens the conversation, and you find yourself hanging out with them for a few hours while they tinker with whatever comes into the shop. at one point kid asks you to hold something for him, and you don’t realize that it’s left grease behind on your hand, so you go to swipe your hair out of your face and leave a large black streak across your cheek

kid and killer burst out laughing and you’re confused until you look at your reflection in the side mirror, and you surprise them by laughing too. They go home that night and talk about when you’ll come back.

they don’t see you for a week, and when you show up at the same time as the last, they figure you had work, but they welcome you easily again.

especially because you brought donuts again, along with coffee.

before you leave, you exchange numbers and, before you even make it home, find you’ve been dragged into a group chat with the two of them. the way they interact in there makes you suspicious that something more is going on between them, and find yourself almost disappointed, but resolve that you still want to get to know them better.

eventually they introduce you to their other friends, who confirm your suspicions and you can see how happy they are together, even if they don’t express it much. soon enough, you’re integrated into the group, but everyone knows that kid and killer are far and away your favorites. even they know, and they subtly tease you for it.

they’ve known for a while that they’ve each developed feelings for you, and have started to notice that each other have as well, and one night in bed they bring it up. killer admits it was almost the first day that he met you, while kid started the second time. he just couldn’t get over how adorable you looked with that black streak, and killer was fond of how you had laughed at yourself instead of getting upset with them.

they figure that the best way to start is to feel you out, but subtlety isn’t kid’s strong suit so it’s up to killer to drop the subtle hints. he starts out asking if you want to hang out with them, go to dinner with them, then builds up to the zoo, mini-golf, whatever. things that friends would do, but with such frequency that he and kid don’t really do anything without you anymore. kid goes big, with arms around the shoulder and hair ruffles, and it isn’t weird to you exactly, but it’s not normal either.

for a while you just go along with it, slowly getting more and more suspicious of them, before you finally bring it up by asking if they, as a couple, are okay. you point out that you’ve been third-wheeling them almost constantly and, while you enjoy their company more than you probably should immensely, you also don’t want to be a wedge in their relationship. 

it’s at that moment that kid and killer realize that, while you all knew each other rather well, they had no idea if you would be interested in a relationship with the two of them, and that it wasn’t fair to you because they had never expressed their willingness for a third. it was one of the downfalls of being so private, as well as how seamlessly you had slid into their lives. 

so they sit you down and– mostly killer– explain that while they are in a relationship, they would like to have you join them as well. you’re taken aback because you had no idea– obviously– but agree after a lot of promises that they mean it.

kid and killer are totally on board with the whole thing, but you’re hesitant at first. every time kid pulls you into his lap, you throw a furtive glance at killer, just in case. and whenever killer tilts your head back for a kiss, you worry that kid is going to flip shit. but they don’t and it doesn’t take long to grow comfortable with them, and you can’t deny that watching the two of them together is like watching two well oiled gears. kid was short tempered, whereas killer was calm and level-headed, and they complemented each other well. 

they’ve known each other so long that they seemed to know what the other was thinking before it was said, and they each knew what the other needed before they could ask.

one evening, killer was cooking and cursed. before he could even say what it was that was going on, kid had already reached into the cabinet and pulled out exactly what killer had needed. you had started to laugh, and the two of them stopped and turned to look at you, and it was at that moment that you realized you might be in danger of falling head over heels.

the rest of your friends realized early on that something was up with the three of you, but it was you they approached about it when their curiosity grew too much. you were a little unsure of what their reaction would be, but you explain what had happened and changed, and they just shrugged and congratulated you. robin even had the nerve to say she knew it.

the first time the three of you sleep together is an absolute fiasco because there’s such a size difference between you and no one knows where to put elbows or knees, but eventually you all get comfortable and fall asleep. when you wake up, you’re sprawled across killer’s chest, with kid’s arm across your side and fingers laced with killer’s. Kid’s other hand has somehow become entangled in killer’s hair, and you’re warm and content and go right back to sleep.

you all try and meet up for lunch a few times a week, since you live so far from each other that it isn’t feasible to see each other in the evening, and your job leaves you tired most nights anyway. but after a few months, you realize you sleep better with them than you do on your own now, and you’re both happy about that as well as annoyed because, well, now you aren’t sleeping properly.

unbeknownst to you, they feel the same way, with kid even getting irritable if he hasn’t seen you in a few day. the first thing he does whenever he does see you is sweep you up in a searing kiss, growling, “it’s about time.”

killer is much more open about it, pressing his lips to your forehead and breathing out how much he missed you.

it’s only been a few days, but you understand.

moving in comes about with some mild calculations on killer’s part. he casually mentions that their lease is up on the apartment in six months, and they aren’t sure where they’re wanting to go. so he lays out a few options on the table, and all of them are larger than either of yours. kid is savvy to what he’s doing, and starts asking what you think of them.

you think you know what they’re getting at, but also don’t want to be wrong, so tactfully say that they seem a bit big for the two of them. they look at you with exasperated amusement, and kid even has the nerve to knock you upside the head– gently– while killer says that yes, but there’s got to be enough room for three people. so you join in a little more seriously, and settle on one of the nicer apartments. even though it’ll put a strain on them, your lease will be up shortly after theirs, and when you move in and add your income, the three of you will be more than comfortable.

it’s pointless, really, because with the plan that you’re going to move in anyway, you stop sleeping at your apartment and only keep it so you don’t have to pay for breaking the lease. one night, when you’re laying in bed between the two of them, you whisper how much better you’re sleeping now, and killer laughs while kid tells you that they found it impossible to get comfortable when you weren’t there. it hasn’t been said that you’re not going anywhere, but the sentiment is there in the way they squish you between them and wrap around each other so you can’t tell where one person begins and one person ends.

*this probably sounds ridiculous, but my jeep does the same thing and it’s super annoying. i think it’s got something to do with the zinc in some terminals doesn’t conduct well and causes them to corrode, which makes it so the battery can’t turn the starter. i’ve had it happen to me like half a dozen times.