#the shit i didnt realize i had to say but y'all wanna be fucking idiots on my blog

[just-bathbomb-thoughts]

General disclaimer:

I am pansexual. Pan-phobic people please see yourself to the nearest exit. I've seen one person specifically in my notes recently that looking at their blog tells me their pan phobic. Please leave. You're not wanted or welcome here.

Secondly: I'm nonbinary. I use they/them with fem honirifics. Duchess uses she/them with fem honirifics. Terfs or transphobes you are also unwelcome.

Last: my rp tag is either #shower rp or #responder roleplay depending on if other people tag. If you don't want that content feel free to block it.

This is my blog! Not yours! I tag what I think to and what I'm asked to! Don't like what I post? Don't follow me! Don't interact! Don't leave shitty comments or send hate! There's no need just block or ignore me.

[sunflowerstache]

A Happy Man (Part 2)

A/N: Hello beauties! This is the sequel to my first ever angst piece “You’ll Be Okay” and I really love it! It’s loosely based off the song Die A Happy Man by Thomas Rhett! As always, if you enjoyed/have questions/comments/suggestions/all of the above, please let me know! I love hearing from y'all so much and I love you all to bits!

Word Count: 3.1k

Masterlist            Part 1

“Have a nice Saturday love.”

Your phone buzzed on the end table next to your spot on the couch, indicating another incoming message from Harry. And just like every other day, you left the message unanswered. For the past 4 days, like clockwork, he had sent you a text at exactly 8:15am, wishing you a good day, and another at 9:30pm reminding you that he loves you. After walking out of yours and Harry’s hotel’s room 4 days ago, you had immediately flown home and showed up a sobbing mess at your parent’s doorstep. Upon the door opening, you found your father raising a baseball bat and your mother hidden on the staircase, in fear of an intruder – as it was the early hours of the morning – a sight you would laugh at if it were any other circumstance. Once your parents realized it was just you, and that you were a wreck, they quickly ushered you inside and to the couch, so you could explain what was wrong. That was days ago, and here you were, still seated in the same spot, staring off into space while your parents watched from the entryway.

“She’s going to start growing into the couch if she doesn’t move Y/M/N.” your dad whispered, or at least whispered as much as a dad was capable.

There was a small thud, and you knew your mom had gently smacked your father’s chest, “He meant a lot to her. She just needs some time.”

“And she can hear you both.” You turned your head to look at the two of them huddled together. “I appreciate you letting me crash here, but you don’t have to dote over me. I’m a big girl. Go to the Christmas Tree Shop or whatever it is you retired folk do.” You tried to crack a smile, but you knew it looked more like grimace.

“Oh hunny, you don’t have to thank us. You’re our baby, of course you are always welcome here.” Your mom cooed as she scuttled across the room to sit next to you and run her fingers through your hair, “Everything’s going to work itself out. I promise.”

“My offer still stands monkey. You let me know where he is, and I’ll go have a nice little chat with Harold.” Your dad smiled, still standing at the entryway.

“No dad. The last thing I want is for you to talk to him right now. It would only make things worse. I mean, I didn’t break up with him. I just told him I needed time. So that’s what I’m doing. Taking some time.” You took a deep breath, talking more to yourself than to your parents now, “Not broken up.”

~~~

“She broke up with me, mum.” Harry’s groan was muffled by the thick white duvet as he laid face down on his hotel bed, still in yesterday’s clothes. “I’ve tried to talk to her every day, and there’s no reply.” Similarly to Y/N, Harry had spent the last 4 days in the same position; wallowing in self-pity and crying to his mother.

“She didn’t my dear. You told me what she said, and she just needs some time.” Anne was seated next to her son, running her hands through his short curls, “You have to understand where she’s coming from. The two of you have been strong for two years, this is just a small bump. Everyone goes through them.”

“Not us, mum. We don’t do this. We never fight, and we never walk away from each other. We’re best friends. Or, we were at least.”

“The two of you are two peas in a pod, don’t doubt that Harry. You have a very busy life, and I mean this with every ounce of love I have for you,” Harry turned his head to peak out from under the blanket to look at Anne, “but you do tend to put quite a lot on your plate. And you never were one for clearing your plate. You’ve been so focused on finding things to keep you busy during this time off, that you’ve put some things to the back burner. Some important things.”

It was like Harry was transported back in time, listening to the bustling streets below while everyone carried on with their lives. Like he wasn’t losing his mind 14 floors above their heads. He knew his mum was right. He always wanted to have a plan a, and a plan b, and plan c, but there was never a risk for that lifestyle before. Never the chance for his precisely planned life to cause such an uproar. But here he was, a weeping, snotty, mess because he planned for everything except his love leaving him.

“Let me ask you, Harry. All of the money, the designer clothes, the followers, notoriety, is it all what’s most important to you? Would you be the happiest with only that?”

His head was shaking before Anne could even finish her questions. There was no doubt in his mind that everything he has, everything his unprecedented luck has been able to provide him, meant nothing if he had no one to share it with. No one to come home to laugh about cute fan encounters with. Nothing without anyone to call up when the silence of empty hotel rooms becomes too much.  “Absolutely not.”

“Then in your heart, you know what to do.” She nodded and patted Harry’s back before getting up and disappearing through the front door.

~~~

“Alright, look munchkin. I love you, you know that. But the ass that’s supposed to be making a dent in the couch is mine. I didn’t retire for you to beat me to it.” Your dad plopped down on the couch next to you. “You have a bed upstairs for that.”

“Can’t dad. ‘ve got pictures of him up there. Don’t wanna look at them right now.” You paused, hearing your mother on the phone, for the 4thtime today, “Who she keep talking to?”

You heard him huff next to you, “Who knows. She’s always got something new to gossip about these days. This week, it’s been about Martha leaving the office to go to the company upstairs.”

You were thankful for your dad. While your mother was always the one to sit you down and talk some sense into you when something was going awry, your dad was the comedic relief you needed. He always knew how to take your mind off of the seriousness of life. Which Is exactly what you needed right now.

“I wasn’t going to say anything, ya know, because of the reason you’re here and all, but you smell kid. I don’t know how it works across the pond, but over here we have these things called showers. It’s real neat, you go in and wash you-“

“Oh my god, shut up dad. We have showers for fucks sake.” You laughed, leaning over to rest your head on his shoulder. The two of you sat in silence for a moment, the soft murmur of Netflix and your soft breathing filled the air.

“Everything’s going to work out darling. Everyone goes through a rough patch, and it was about time the two of you had yours.” He stopped for a moment, “You know, your mother and I separated for a couple of months.”

Your head shot up at that and looked wide eyed at your father. For your entire life, you idolized your parent’s relationship and wished for nothing more than to achieve what they have. You never would have imagined that they went through any sort of issues. “No you didn’t! When?”

“You were about a year old. I was working double shifts every week while she stayed home with you. She wanted to be able to be there for you every day, watch you grow, and I would have loved nothing more, but someone had to pay for all the diapers you shit in.” you both chuckled, “Me not being home was too much for her and she told me she needed time. Sound familiar?”

“How’d you get past it?”

“I had been staying with your uncle for a couple months, and then woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and told myself I was an idiot for walking away so easily. So, I went back to the house, sat her down, told her how much I loved her and that I was working so hard so that the two of you could have the best lives possible. That’s all I want – the two of you to be happy and not worry about anything.”

The tears were starting to form in your eyes, thinking about how similar your situation is to what your parents went through. Not wanting to sit and cry in front of your dad, again, you patted his knee and stood up.

“About time I go shower, yeah? Wash this stink off.” you smiled and made your way to the staircase, leading to the second floor of your childhood home.

“I love you kiddo.” Your dad called after you, making some warmth spread through your relatively cold body.

In any other situation, you would be disgusted with yourself that this was your first shower in 4 days. But showering was the last thing on your mind recently. As you stood under the searing water, you thought over everything your father had said. Everything he spoke about, you knew is how Harry felt. He told you every chance he got that he loved providing for you, loved being able to make you smile. And it didn’t take much. You got so much joy just by watching in achieve the things he dreamed of and standing behind the scenes to see just how much the love of your life has achieved. But that wasn’t what caused your departure. You had watched Harry make room in his busy life for countless people, so why couldn’t he do that for someone he loved? You thought back to your trip to Italy and hung your head. In his own way, you realized, he did.  After canceling your museum tour, he had the two of your sit in bed all night and watch a Italian historical documentary. Brought you to the private hotel pool with a bottle of wine after not being able to go to the beach and left you a note the morning of your cancelled breakfast date. You realized these were all ways he showed you he cared and wasn’t trying to put work ahead of you. And here you were, standing in your parent’s shower, ignoring all his loving messages every day, just so you could justify your leaving. Quickly shutting off the water, you grabbed a towel and made a beeline to your old room, needing to get dressed and find your phone. You had apologizing to do.

You ran down the stairs, after throwing on some old black sweats and a white t-shirt, your hair still dripping from the shower and leaving a trail of water in your path. Getting to the space you were occupying on the couch, you noticed that your phone was no longer on the charger, “Mom! Where did you move my phone?”

No response.

“Seriously mom! I need to use my phone.”

Again, not response, just the sound of glasses clinking in the kitchen.

“I can hear you in the kitchen. If you’re ignoring me because you’re on the phone with someone from the office, talking about Martha again, I swear I’m gon-“ you choked on your sentence upon entering the kitchen, where you expected to find your mother.

The two of you stared at each other like deer caught in headlights, not knowing what to do or say. A wine glass was gently set down, and the room was so silent that you could hear the silent ringing it made when making contact with the marble countertop. You could feel your breathing start to pick up when he licked his lips and whisper a soft “Hi.”

“He – wha – what are you – how did?”

“I called your mom earlier. Told her I wanted to come. See you.”

You nodded, biting the inside of your lip, not knowing how to get past the awkward tension in the air. You had never experienced this with Harry, this foggy unknown feeling. And you hated it.

“Why.”

“Why what?” lines formed on his forehead

“Why – why would you want to see me?

He continued to just stare at you, like you just asked him the meaning of life, with his mouth agape and hands on now resting on top of the counter. “Because I love you. And I’m not letting this be over. I’m not.” He shrugged, “I know you sai-“

“I’m sorry.” You exclaimed, interrupting whatever he was about to say, “I’m sorry for assuming you cared more about work. I’m sorry for blaming you for cancelling things. I’m sorry for leaving. I’m sorry, so sorry.”

Before you knew what was happening, he had raced around the kitchen island and scooped you into his arms before your knees could buckled beneath you. Muffled gasps were coming from between your lips as Harry ran his hands over the back of your head.

“Shhh, hey none of that. It’s alright. You’re okay. I’m here.”

The two of you stayed locked in one another’s arms for what seemed like hours, making up for missing the feel of each other. Missing the way you could feel Harry’s heartbeat on your temple when hugging him. Him missing the feeling of your hands wound around his torso, toying with his back-belt loops. The two of you missing the comforting smell of the other. Slowly, once your crying subsided, Harry backed away slightly so that he could look at you.

“I think we have some stuff to talk about, yeah?” you nodded simultaneously and moved to sit down, facing each other, on the kitchen island stools. He gently picked up both your hands in his own, “Before you say anything, I need you to know I love you. I am so fucking in love with you that it makes my head spin. And when you walked out of that hotel room, I felt like I was drowning.” You moved to apologize again, but he quickly cut you off, “I don’t want to hear another apology out of you. Don’t ever apologize for your feelings. The hurt you’re feeling is yours to feel however you see fit.”

“I just, I don’t want you to think I’m asking you to choose, H. I would never. I know how much your career means to you, it means everything to me too. Watching you succeed and do what you love means the world to me.” You sniffled, trying make sure he understood that you support him in everything he does.

“But I would. I would choose. Because as much as I love the traveling and picking up new projects, and always being busy, I love you more. I love you more than all the sushi I could stomach in Japan. More than the packages Gucci sends me with new clothes. More than there are stars in the sky. So, I’mthe sorry one. I’m so sorry I ever made you doubt that, m‘love.” His eyes started to glaze over, accent getting thicker, as the threat of tears grew closer and closer.

“My career has given me more than I could ever ask for. This life I live gives me opportunities I never in a million years could have wished for. But absolutely none of it means anything if you’re not there to share it with me.” The smile that graced Harry’s face was brighter than anything you’ve ever seen on him. His dimples were prominent on his hair covered jaw, small crow’s feet loitered around the corners of his eyes, and his hands tightened in yours.

“But you should be able to do those things without worrying about me. About making sure I’m alright. You’re so young and so successful Harry! You shouldn’t have to worry about how I’m feeling 24/7. You should be able to do what you want, when you want it.  To be your own person.” You argued, knowing that this argument was slowly fleeting, as your love for the man in front of you was overpowering any doubts you had.

“I know who I am, doll. But I also know that I’m better with you. I’m better when I wake up to see your hair sprawled all over the bed. Better when I see you in that black dress that makes it hard for me to breathe. Better when you’re around. So, if I never get to see the Eiffel Tower again, or drive a new sports car, that’s okay.”  he shrugged, seeing your inner turmoil in your eyes, “Because if the only thing that I have in life is your hand in mine, then I could die a happy man.”

You took your hand out of his hold to brush away the tears that had made their way down your puffy cheeks. Guilt flooded through your veins for ever thinking that Harry loved you any less than how he described. So, you leaned forward to place a kiss to his lips, needing him to know you loved him just the same.

“I quite like the Eiffel tower.” You whispered once your lips disconnected from his, and a small chuckle left his lips,

“I know petal. I just want you to know that I don’t need a fancy destination because you’re my great escape. My sense of normalcy in this crazy life. You’re the one I want to repaint the living room while listening to Sinatra radio and dance around the fireplace with.”

You knew when starting this relationship that things would get difficult, what with being in the public eye and all the moving around. But you also knew that it was all worth it. It was worth it when you got to see Harry after walking off stage, after his morning jog, with his tongue sticking out between his lips while jotting things down in his journal. All the scrutiny was worth it when you got to slow dance in the kitchen or lounge all day with Evie. And no amount of rescheduling or cancellations would change that.

“Did you really just try to flex your Gucci deliveries to me?”

Taglist: @theasstour @emotionally-imbruised @harryspirate @swayingnoodlelove

[takeachanceff]

Chapter 25: The Blame Game (Sequel: Changes )

Unknown

"We did what you asked!" One yelled.

"You bought me a child what the fuck am I gonna do with that?! I ain't some pedophile!" I yelled. The baby started to cry making me shake my head. "This plan is supposed to be quick not years idiot" He said.

"We can use the kid as leverage think about it. Trey is vulnerable with his child and soon his wife out of the picture. That little girl is our key, of course Trey is gonna come looking for her we draw him in and we got him right where we want him"he said. The baby kept crying and I shook my head letting his words sink in.

"I don't want his kid I want his wife" He said standing up.

"So what do you want me to do with the kid?" He asked.

"Do something with her and get that kid to shut up" He stated.

D.C

Seeing Aaliyah cry really bothered me. Telling her that it's gonna be okay was just a bunch of bullshit. I'm not even sure where to start with her I just held her and tried to calm her down. "Liyah please don't cry" I said rocking her back and forth.

"Why didn't I just stay... with her... this is my fault.." she said breaking down.

"Yo dont say that we're gonna find her. She's coming home" I said to her. "Imma call my boys and they doing a ground search for her. I promise you imma find her aight" I said assuring her. I let her go and handed her a bunch of tissues for her to dry her face. I took my phone out and made a phone call.

"Hello" he answered.

"Yo Red it's DC" I said.

"What's good man?" He asked.

"I need a favor, a huge favor" I said before looking back at Liyah.

"I got you dawg anything you need" he said.

"I need you to gather the boys a do a search for Triggas daughter" I stated.

"Trigga's daughter she a little young to be running away" he said.

"Nah, somebody took her out her crib from his mom in laws place. She's only two months old and some weirdo done took her I need y'all to be quick on this" I stated.

"Got you send a pic so I can see what kid I'm looking for mane" he said.

"Got you" I said before hanging up.

"Liyah can you send me a picture of her so I can send it to my guys" I asked and she nodded pulling out her phone to send it. Once I got the picture I forwarded it to Red, before I could lock it my phone rang showing it was my girl.

Damn.

"Where have you been?! I haven't heard from you in three days!" She yelled.

"Baby I'm taking care of some business Trey is in some deep shit I gotta help him" I said and she sucked her teeth.

"I'm getting real tired of you jumping for that nigga when has he ever done shit for you!" She yelled. I don't get why Raine is fussing me out she know the deal, but she don't get what Trey has done for me He the reason why a nigga ain't in jail.

"You gotta cool it with all that yelling shit I'll be home as soon as I can" I replied.

"You ain't taking care of no business nigga you fucking some other bitch!" She accuses me.

"I'm not fucking no bitch girl chill! I'm here with Treys wife trying to find they daughter-" I started before she cut me off.

"Oh so you wit her! I knew you wanted to fuck that skinny hoe! I swear Nick you ain't shit! I fucking hate you!" She yelled.

"No I'm not fucking her I'm just helping her find her kid you tripping!" I started yelling back.

"Don't even bother coming home fuck you!" She said before hanging up.

I held onto my phone tightly and Liyah was sitting at the edge of the bed looking at me.

"She thinks you're cheating?" She asked.

"Yeah but it ain't even like that. You're my best friends wife that shit is just foul" I said before sitting next to her.

"If Trey was gone this long I'd probably think the same thing..." she mumbled.

"I get it though" I said.

"Can I ask you something Nick? You don't have to answer if you don't want to" she said while her voice came out raspy.

"Yeah sure what's up?" I said.

"Do you like me?" She asked looking at me.

"Yeah I like you I think you're really cool person Liyah" I said feeling myself getting nervous.

"No like have feelings for me deeper than being a friend?" She asking shifting herself. I swallowed the lump in my throat and scratched the back of my neck.

"You know what Liyah the guys and I are about to go look for Trey. Try and get some rest" I said shifting the subject standing up.

"You do don't you?" She said making me sigh.

"Umm... Yeah I do. I think you're beautiful I've had feelings for you for like the past two years. I thought you were beautiful since the first time I met you, but I got a girl and you wit my best friend so it'll just be a crush" I admitted and she nodded.

"Thanks for being honest with me" she said with a faint smile.

"Yeah get some rest we're gonna find them both I promise" I said before I left out.

[That Next Morning ]

Trey

I felt my eyes getting heavy trying to figure out where the hell I am. I looked down at my hands seeing the cuffs on them looking around and I was in a back room. I stood up a stumbling some trying to gain my composure. I looked around to see if there was something around for me to pick the lock on these cuffs. With no luck I tried to move my hands out but that didn't work.

Fuck.

"I see you're awake" a voice said but I ignored it still looking at the cuffs on my wrists. "Oh now you can't speak?" He said as I still ignored him. He snickered coming closer to the door which is what I wanted. "Come on nigga you not gon get them cuffs off so you can stop trying" he said to me.

I looked over at him and walked over to him with a smirk not saying a word. I hit his face with a my knuckles before pulling him by the collar hitting his head against the cell before he was knocked out. His body slid down the cell before he hit the floor. I looked around to see if the keys were on him. I reached in his pocket to get the key and unlock the cuffs and cell. I quickly moved his moved body inside the cell and went to go find an exit. I don't know where I'm at or where I'm going. I headed down the long hallway until I heard voices. I looked for somewhere to hide until they passed. I then grabbed someone's jacket before putting the hoodie over my head. I looked for an exit and my made my way to it. I hurriedly walked out the door until an alarm went off catching my attention. I went against the commotion and made a quick escape. I kept my profile low looking for a sign to see where I was. I recognized the Spanish realizing I'm in South America.

I need to get to Juan.

I headed towards a-shop that served fish. "Uhh excuse me" I said catching the lady's attention.

"Anyone here speak English?" I asked and the lady just stared at me. I'll take that as no so I headed to look for more clues. I just kept walking for a few miles until I saw a sign that said Quito.

I know exactly where I am I just need to find Juan's warehouse. I looked around for familiar landmarks and I saw the church that told me I was still had some ways to go but I wasn't far. If I can get there I can get some help, and find out who sent them niggas. I just kept walking keeping my head up of what's ahead. I felt a few rain drops hit my hoodie before I tucked my hands in my pocket. I kept walking until I finally reached the back entrance of his warehouse I knocked on the door and waited for an answer.

Nothing.

I heard a few voices that made me turn my head. "Yo that's him" I heard the voice say recognizing who it was.

"Trey!" DC yelled finally coming into view. He came running to me "Bout time nigga" I said.

"Good to see you too bruh nigga you smell like death and fish what the fuck man" He said making us laugh.

"Imprisonment don't exactly let you shower" I said before laughing.

We walked to the car and got in heading back to HQ. "What are you doing here I told you to stay with Liyah in Atlanta?" I asked.

"Umm bout that" he started.

"Answer the fucking question stop wit the bullshit" I demanded.

"Liyah wanted to find you she didn't wanna just leave you. She knows everything man you two need to just talk" he said making me clench my jaw.

Fuck!

"There's something else you gotta know" he started before he sighed. "Mia is missing" he said

"What?!" I roared looking at him. "YOU LOST MY DAUGHTER!" I yelled making everyone in the car have an eerie silence.

"I didnt lose her man she was in Atlanta with Liyahs parents we got the call that someone took her over night. I've had people over there doing a ground search for her. Liyah hasn't slept since she found out." He explained.

"Nigga I told you keep them away from this shit!" I yelled making him run his hand down his face. My mind is racing Mia could be anywhere by now and she's not old enough to defend herself.

"FUCK!" I yelled hitting the side of the door.

We pulled up to the hotel and we got out and I was led to a room for me to freshen up and receive fresh clothes. I did my hygiene routine and changed before heading being escorted to the room where Aaliyah was. I knocked on the door and she answered. By the looks of it I could tell she hadn't slept, neither of us knew what to say to each other so we just stared at one another for awhile. I cleared my throat breaking the daze.

"Can I come in?" I asked and she stepped aside letting me inside. She closed the door behind me and followed me into the bedroom. She didn't say anything she just sat down.

"Liyah?" I said looking at her but she ignored me. I walked over to her and kneeled down in front of her.

"Liyah-" I started before she slapped me. I groaned holding my face standing up. "Ight Ight I deserved that" I mumbled.

"...Trey I could kill you, you know that?" She said looking at me.

"I know I know" I said.

"No you don't know cause we're right back in the same position we were three years ago!" She started. "Why can't you just take the high road this one time or for fuck sake be honest with me!" She yelled.

"Just listen to me" I said stepping to her.

"Shut up, shut the fuck up! You got Nick covering for you and pulling him into this mess!"

"Aaliyah just listen damn!" I said yelling back.

"It's the same shit Trey! Now our daughter is somewhere because you couldn't just let this shit go!" She yelled.

"No Mia is gone because you should've listened to me and stayed in Atlanta you were safe there! You so fuckin hard headed! Mia would've been safe if she was with you!" I said feeling myself getting angrier. She put her guard down and this shit is happening.

"Clearly she wasn't cause whoever the fuck is after you knows who my family is!" She yelled getting close to my face.

"If you were there you could've prevented Mia getting snatched!" I yelled.

"So this is my fault!" She said before scoffing as I clenched my jaw.

"If you just would've stay ya ass in Atlanta she'd be here Liyah! So you tell me!" I yelled and she shook her head.

"It's my fault... Okay Trey, its my fault. It's my fault that these people are after us! Of course its my fuckin fault cause you don't wanna take responsibility! So you're right it is my fault... it's my fault for looking for you. It's my fault that someone broke our window. It's my fault that our daughter is missing, it's my fault Trey. Okay! happy now?!" she said before chuckling.

"You know what I should've left you alone three years ago but I wanted to believe that you were different. The amount of shit that comes with you I was able to look past it" she said.

"And you don't have shit with you?" I asked before clenching my jaw.

"I know I do but I don't lie about it" she said looking at me and I won't lie that shit hit hard.

"Two years! Two years Trey you been doing this behind my back! What happened to I'm done with this shit I got too much to lose! Trey I'm not even sure if I can trust you! What else have you been hiding from me?! Huh!" She yelled before she pushed me.

"Since you out here living two different lives is there somebody else?!" She asked made me scrunch my face up.

"Hell no Liyah there is nobody else I only love you!" I defended.

"I can't tell Trey! I feel like every time I think we're comfortable or just living life you constantly lie! How the fuck would I know that you not fuckin on something else!" She said and I put ran my hands down my face.

"Aaliyah there is nobody else I'm wrong about the drug shit but I would never cheat on you" I said pleading to her. I love her way too much to just throw what we have away. Why would she think I would cheat on her?

"Why do you keep lying to me? I'm your wife you're not supposed to hide things from me..." she said with glossy eyes.

Aaliyah is the only person I let talk to me like this. Anyone else would've got a bullet between they eyes, but she was different. It's like I feel weak every time in around her.

"Liyah it's not like that" I mumbled.

"It's not like what?! I don't... I don't even know who you are anymore. I'm not even sure who the man I married is" she said with tears ready to fall from her eyes. I stepped closer to her and she stepped back.

"Aaliyah, you do know me. You know me better than anyone else" I said.

"Our daughter is somewhere and I'm halfway across the world looking for you and I left her.... I..." She said while her voice broke as her tears became more frequent. Liyah broke down as I pulled her into my arms and I kissed her cheek.

"Im a bad mother.." she said crying her eyes out.

"Baby don't say that that's not true" I said comforting her.

"I lost our first baby Trey I can't go through this again" she cried harder. I hate seeing her cry and this shit really is my fault.

All of it... First Jasmine now Mia, all because I couldn't let this shit go...

"Liyah Id rather you hit me or something than talk about yourself like this. That wasn't your fault and Mia being missing isn't your fault either. It's mine... Me not being honest with you made us lose our first baby. Me not being honest with you the past two years caused this" I admitted. "You're a great mother Mia is blessed to have you as her mother. I fucked up big time Liyah but I can fix this" I said and she shook her head. Liyah let me go and sniffed before looking at me.

"Can you? How can I trust that you're gonna let this life go? Trey, I thought last time it went too far but this has gone waaay too far. I have stood by you through everything and what stops me from leaving is that I love you so much to the point that's it enabling" she said before sighing.

"So Im giving you a choice it's either you lose this drug shit or you lose your family" she said to me making shake my head.

Fuck.

"Liyah I dont wanna lose your or Mia. I can't get out of this easy but I'll get out of it for good I mean it this time" I said and she sniffed trying to read me. I know she was trying to figure if I was telling the truth or not.

"Do you wanna be with me? Like can you handle being married-" she said before I cut her off.

"Yes, Aaliyah I wanna be with you. I wouldn't have married you, if I didn't wanna be married to you. I want us. I want more babies with you. I wanna grow old with you" I said wiping the tear falling from her eyes.

"Okay..." She said before sniffing.

"Okay i" I said looking at her before opening my arms. She came to me as she wrapped her arms around me embracing me.

"DC started a search Imma check up on it to see if they found her. Baby imma fix this" I said about to walk away but she held me.

"Please don't go... I don't wanna lose you Trey please" She said before she sniffed.

"Baby I'll be right back. You're not gonna lose me." I said holding her close. Liyah held me like I was gonna disappeared so I gave in.

"Okay okay I'll get DC and we'll discuss her ight" I said before I kissed her forehead.

"Im sorry..." she mumbled in my chest.

"Don't apologize" I said before I carried her to the bed laying her down. "Relax and let me take care of this... I love you so much you know that? " I said to her making her relax some.

"I love you too" she said adjusting her head on my chest.

"Imma find her ill rip up every city bring her back home" I said and she nodded.

Carlos

I've tried reaching out to my daughter and she's been ignoring me. I love my daughter to pieces and I'd do anything for her. I always wanted to give her the best of the best. I've made many mistakes in life but I've wanted to make sure my children had everything they needed.

I'm gonna fix my mistake I'm meeting with Rickey to get him off my daughter. I pulled up to the meeting place and put my car in park.

[Flashback: 9 years ago]

I have the day off so I decided to do some cleaning. I entered Melina's room which she kept clean for the most part. I decided to just take her trash out so I headed to her bathroom. I pulled her trash can out from the side of the toilet, when I pulled it out I noticed a pregnancy test. I took some toilet paper to pick it up and read the results.

It was positive.

"Fuck" I mumbled.

She's been fucking that hoodlum, and now this. I heard the door open and I went to go meet Melina halfway and she jumped.

"Oh my god dad you scared me" she said.

"What is this?" I asked holding up the pregnancy test and her eyes got wide.

"Dad..." she started then I cut her off.

"YOU BEEN FUCKING HIM?" I yelled making her jump. She didn't answer me she just crossed her arms.

"Melina Nava Perez you better look at me when I'm talking to you!" I yelled.

"Yes... I'm pregnant, but I-I'm not sure of it's Jason or Ricky's..." she said trying not to cry.

"What does Rickey have to do with this?" I asked.

"Did you forget that your so called golden boy rapped me!" She yelled.

"Melina, I want you to get rid of that baby understand!" I demanded.

"What?" She said confused.

"You heard me get rid of it" I repeated before clenching my jaw.

"No.. No! Hell no dad! I'm not getting rid of my baby even if its not Jason's I'm keeping it. This is my body you can't tell me what to do with it!" She yelled back.

"As long as you living under my house you're doing what your told! I've done everything for and you wanna throw away for some little boy who doesn't care about you!" I said getting closer to her.

"How would you know! Jason loves me unlike that nigga you trying to set me up with! He knows about the baby and we're keeping it!" She said finally letting the tears run down her face.

"You wanna be grown get the fuck out my house!" I yelled.

[End of flashback]

I sighed before taking the keys out the ignition. I got out the car and entered the building. Rickey was smoking his cigar and dismissed the men around him. "Mr. Perez just the man I wanted to see" He said with a smirk.

"Rickey lets talk" I said taking a seat.

"Sure" He said sitting across from me.

"What's your deal with my daughter?" I asked frowning.

"Come on Carlos you know my deal" he said before chuckling.

"No I don't inform me" I said sitting back some.

"You dont remember our deal? It's all right I'll remind you. When you signed that contract you signed, you basically signed over a marriage between her and I so technically Melina is my wife" he said with a smirk.

"I didnt agree to that boy you really pushing it if you don't stop this now I won't hesitate to kill you" I threatened.

"Oh that's not possible, you won't be stop anything" He said.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"You'll see" he said.

"Ric-"

A gunshot was fired.

Teri

I lied in this hospital bed staring at my bandages. I want go the fuck home. I looked over at Rocko who had fallen asleep on the chair. He's gonna need so much therapy scratch that makes two of us. The baby is doing fine surprisingly but the doctor said if I get stressed out like that again I could lose the baby. I put my hand on my small belly bump and sighed. I looked over at Derick who was asleep he's lucky to be alive. The bullet just missed his spinal cord so he's still able to walk. I have so many issues and ignoring them doesn't help me.

"Teri..." He said.

"Hey you're awake" I said looking at him with a smile.

"Hey is our babies okay?" He asked.

"Yeah the babies are good" I started nodding. "Baby I think I think need together anger management classes" I admitted.

"Yeah?" He said.

"Yeah I think I've been pushing my issues to the side instead of dealing with them. My anger might cause us to lose this baby and I don't want that" I said looking at him.

"Baby whatever you wanna do I'll support every step of the way" he said before smiling making me smile.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"I'm in some pain but I'm all good. How you feeling ?" He asked.

"Sleepy" I stated.

"Is lil man okay?" He asked. I looked over at Rocko as he slept.

"Yeah he's fine he's just sleeping" I said.

"Good" He said.

"We're all gonna need some serious therapy after this" I said and he laughed.

"Yeah definitely" he said.

[tayegi]

I feel like all those misogyny anons are young girls or if not they shouldn't even blame everything on the OC????? Literally. All. Of. Them. Are. Doing . The. Same. Thing. It's a whole messy relationship. Don't blame one character when the others are doing the exact same shit!!!!

All the beautiful messages I received are under the cut ^^

But I just really REALLY wanted to thank everyone for sending me such wonderful asks. Right when I was about to lose faith in humanity, you guys came out of nowhere to restore my faith. I really REALLY appreciate it. I was srsly even considering deleting Equilibrium because I refuse to let this disgusting misogyny spread, but now I realize those misogynists are thankfully just the vocal minority. 

I really REALLY appreciate this, guys. You always know what to say to make me feel better when I’m at the cusp of giving up. I LOVE YOU

Anonymous said:BRUUHHHH shit just got real in equilibrium. Seeing the development of the story, I knew it was gonna come crashing down soon but damn. This story is so interesting and I really enjoy reading stories with very flawed characters. JK was really pissing me off like he's so damn controlling and it's amazing how people don't see equal fault in all three of them and point fingers at the girl???? Like wtf what story are y'all reading cause last time I checked they were all using each other lmao

Anonymous said:wtf??? how is oc manipulative and a bitch??? can't they that jk is the bitch here?? like he's so selfish and conniving and omg I'm just so angry after that update. not at you because damn girl you can write but like ahhh why wont he just let her touch jm like I just wanna Hug her tbh. I hope she finds the right man. u go girl!!Anonymous said:Omg I come back to this nonsense? I hope you don't let this affect you too much. I don't get why women are always blamed. If anything as I was reading I felt bad for the OC the most honestly. Shes insecure because she got bullied when she was younger and then this angel Jimin comes and he's nice to her and she gets attached. Jungkook takes advantage of the situation so it works out in his favor. For 6 months he was the only one who knew what was really going on.

Anonymous said:Wow I was so surprised to see that people were angry with the OC She is so pitiful and desperate Plus Jungkook's actions are so sick he knows she doesn't love him but he knows she won't leave him because of Jimin so even in this situation he is still using Jimin to manipulate the OC They are all so fucked up

Anonymous said:Really hope all the shitty misogyny doesn't put you off after how hard you've worked! please remember theres shitloads of us who really do appreciate your work and as much as people don't openly voice it, we're still all here in the background, internally voicing our opposition to the minority that obviously don't see the wealth in your work x so fuck them and do your shit because you want to! it's annoying that some aren't understanding it in the way they should but just know the rest of us dox

Anonymous said:I think the problem is not that the OC is women. The problem is that the readers are narrow-minded fans that blindly favor there idols.. U kno, when the bias also clearly did smth wrong but they only blame the other side... Tsk tsk. But the thing that I'm worried is that the story probably won't have an happy ending :c I know it's not ok but I want to OC has a new start with Jungkook (I am sorry Jimin!) or she would be sick of this relationship& too hurt& move out and be a roommate with Tae

Anonymous said:Hey, please don't regret the story cause of some of these mysogynistic idiots. I mean ofc if it makes you uncomfortable to write it then do whats best for you. But i love this story because of the complex nature of this messed up relationship, and your amazing writing. I love how you present selfishness in all three of them. The good and bad in them. You write in shades of grey instead of black and white and its truly amazing. Anyway i hope i didnt say something wrong i just love your work.

Anonymous said:Thank you for standing up in what you believe in. It's one thing for males to be misogynists (which is still HORRIBLY WRONG, fuck them) but for females to behave like one too? It's just disappointing. Us women get enough shit everyday as it is. We should be empowering each other instead of looking at each other as threats BLEEGH! Anyway I loved the latest chapter of equilibrium and pretty much everything you've written.... 🤗

aloneandlovingit said:I appreciate you so much for always calling out these misogynistic people for their shit. Whenever something goes wrong in a relationship it's always the woman who is blamed and the man is made to be a victim even if they're both in the wrong. The worst part is that these anons are probably young girls who were brought up to think this way and this just perpetuates the culture of women being against women and it needs to stop! Anyway I loved the new chapter as always and I love you 😘

Anonymous said:Why and how are people talking shit about the oc???? Wtf.. Equilibrium's so well thought and well structured, people in love do stupid shit, get over it. Jk is being fucking selfish and emotionally using them both, and if people wanna blame someone, blame the right guy. I really rope that the oc get out of this mess, cause girl u don't deserve all this bull shit. and fuck all this misogynist people +

Anonymous said:I'm so shook. I'm leaving this ask to let you know that the majority of the female population all over the world is still NOT on the mysogynous side! Girls, read carefully before you speak! Lu has written everything not only beautifully/intriguingly but also in a crystal clear manner (come on, you don't actually need to interpret things, make a list of who's done what and you'll see that each character is just as manipulative and opportunistic as the other)! Cheers Lu, this is a masterpiece.

Anonymous said:I can't believe people are saying the OC is a bitch?? what about jungkook who proposed this relationship for "fun" and had motives??? and jimin who only likes jungkook and shuts the OC out??? i've been wanting to rip jimin's throat out since he entered the fic

Anonymous said:I could be missing something, but I don't understand the outrage towards the OC when she is just desperate to hold on to the first person who treated her like a real person. That is why I think she is 'attached' to Jimin. The same goes for Jungkook being 'in love' with the OC since she is the first person to ask him a 'meaningful' question that wasn't superficial (coffee shop convo). My heart hurts for the OC because she has to fight so hard for Jimin's attention when she deserves better.

Anonymous said:I seriously can't see how these people are so blind. It was obvious that they were all using each other before and in the latest update Jungkook basically said he never cared about Jimin. How did they miss that? And Jimin rejected the OC until Jungkook proposed they all date. Wow. P.S. I had a feeling Jungkook would be the first one to break. Love your writing and don't let these people ruin Equilibrium for you.

Anonymous said:I almost feel bad for the anons who feel the need to antagonize the OC so much... But it actually fucking hurts. To think that every time that both men and women are in the wrong the woman is the one punished 110% of the time... Ugh I'm so sorry that this had to open our eyes to all the brainwashed idiots out there still perpetuating such hard-lined misogyny. But keep in mind that there are still lots of people who don't stand for this shit and never will, stay strong and love you!!!! 💖💖💖

Anonymous said:Equilibrium is one of my favs and it so upsetting to see people turn the story into something else because they are too blind to see their precious oppas do anything wrong.

Anonymous said:Are people serious? Its so obvious that jungkook and jimin are doing the exact same thing as the oc. Jungkook is only in the relationship for the oc. Jimin is only in it for jungkook. How can you blame the oc for being manipulative but not fault them

Anonymous said:but notice how no one is going "aw poor jimin jungkook tried to abandon him thank god the oc is caring and didn't run away with him" 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 ppl are unbelievable. I'm so sorry this is the reaction ch 10 is receiving lu. pls don't let it discourage you. use your voice and the fact that a lot of ppl read the fic to EDUCATE AND TEACH YOUNG WOMEN. stopping now won't accomplish anything. I think you have enough influence with your writing to get something across to these young women and help them

Anonymous said:I want to tell you that equilibrium is honestly so beautiful & your writing is really amazing. I've only recently discovered you but I am upset I didn't find you before! As for the main character & the boys: HELLO THEY ALL PLAYED EACH OTHER FOR THEIR OWN REASONS!!!! Like why is everyone mad at the OC when each character was in the relationship just to be with the one they liked? Anyways the last part with Jungkook & the OC in the hallway is so nicely written! I hope you have a nice day! 💙😄

Anonymous said:I can't believe the amount of ppl mad at the oc rn when jungkook was literally doing the same thing??? so was jimin???? they were ALL playing each other, dont ppl understand that?! that's the whole point of this fic, y/n is in love with jimin, jimin is in love with jungkook, jungkook is in love with y/n. It's all just one big love triangle and they're all lying to each other by being in this relationship. I'm sorry ppl aren't getting that, but pls don't let that discourage you from writing it :(

Anonymous said:*reads the asks saying rude things about the Equilibrium OC* :/ *sighs* Why are people only focusing on the OC??? Jungkook is just as bad, and really no one wants to be with everyone in that relationship. :/ The OC wants Jimin, Jimin wants Jungkook, Jungkook wants to OC. Putting all the blame on the OC is just stupid. :/ I'm sorry you're having to deal with those anons. I wasn't around for what you were saying about In Bloom, but I can see how similar stuff to this would put you off of it. :/

Anonymous said:reads other anon messages - sighs - guys... look below the surface before you immediately judge the narrator. JK doesn't deserve sympathy--he's using Jimin to get to Y/N, Jimin is using Y/N to get to JK, and Y/N is using JK to get to Jimin. No one's innocent of this. In addition, the way he just roped Y/N into giving him exclusivity wasn't exactly fair or unproblematic... So they're all guilty, and the drama's so gooooodddd

Anonymous said:Thank you for the update. I haven't read it yet but in really excited about it!!! I'm really sorry about all of these random rude misogynist ppl who just came out of the blue tho.