#the scene where he gets the sewing machine…. hes so funny

[determinedowl23]

motel kamzoil is so autism creature thank you for coming to my ted talk

[cassiopeialake]

ok after thinking about it a bit here’s my pitch for an abbott/sunny crossover since that seems to be what we’re in for

Title: New Uniforms

Logline: After Abbott's new uniforms are misprinted, Melissa is forced to call in one of her shadiest connections - but it may end up costing her more than she bargained for.

Outline:

- the school gets new uniforms for the kids but there's a misprint and the shirts say "ABBORT" (tbh the whole pitch is based around this. i just find it very funny. i hope they do smth with abbort elementary at some point)

- they scramble to find a solution but the district won't give them more money. they need someone with an embroidery machine who'll let them use it for free

- melissa knows a guy who's into some real shady stuff, he used to run a sweatshop in vietnam. probably has a couple machines still lying around.

- she and janine (and maybe a few others idk) set up a meeting with the gang. however unbeknownst to them the gang kidnaps them (mac thought this was a kidnapping/squeezing the teachers for money kinda deal. dee: you idiot, they're teachers they have no money!)

- they're "interrogated" for a bit

- it's revealed that mac and charlie went to liberty elementary (the rival school) and they gain some respect for the abbott teachers bc "those abbott kids were tough, man! took a few more punches than it usually does to knock them down!"

- frank appears and they get to negotiations. he'll fix the mistake for them, but there's a catch

- the gang (specifically dennis) wants the leftovers from the seventh graders frog dissections. the teachers are grossed out so he clarifies it's "not sexual" and the teachers are like...well those frogs were just gonna go in the trash anyways...

- the deal is made and the gang starts working on the shirts, we get a cameo from sewing charlie ofc

- however when the teachers come back in a week to check in on the finished product we realize that they "fixed" the spelling mistake by removing the extra B and spelling "ABORT ELEMENTARY"

- something something plot happens to make them fix it (melissa has dirt on frank that she threatens or something idk. she dangles a frog in front of a salivating dennis)

- at the end they go back one final time to pick up the finally correctly spelled shirts

- we find out that mr johnson knows charlie through the janitorial network, they compare rat bashing sticks, etc.

And that’s the episode (or at least the A plot)! I missed a few of the teachers and how they would interact with the various characters but i think that wouldn't be too hard to put in at the end or just add more characters in the scene where they first meet. like ava for sure needs to go toe-to-toe with the gang

but yeah that’s the pitch - tbh i’m quite proud of this only because i feel like it’s pretty realistic, like i wouldn’t want an over the top crossover with the characters fully intersecting lives or even sets, i feel like the idea of skimming into this underbelly of philly but then immediately getting out suits the tone of abbott better. i think also this should work for anyone who hasn’t heard of sunny before or isn’t familiar with the characters.

[shadow-laviko]

I saw your post and I'm gonna ask you about your favorite scenes in Rain Code (including the Prologue, Epilogue, opening movie and DLCs), you can rate them too.

/spoil

My favorite scene is the scene where Yuma uses his blade to block Makoto's attack (chapter 5). I really like action scenes so I rate it very highly haha

Next is the scene where the Shinigami hugs Yakou (chapter 4). I cried so much that flooded my floor for 2 hours before I felt normal again.

Annnnd scene Makoto moves after Yuma and the Shinigami enter the final mysterious labyrinth. He was quite terrifying to me; he certainly had no knowledge that time would freeze, but he chose his actions based on Yuma and the Shinigami's reactions to avoid suspicion as much as possible.

If it's in Mystery Labyrinth then I like the space scene in chapter 0, after chasing Zilch running out of the tunnel. I really like the big, sparkly ones.

As for the DLC, I like… all of Vivia's DLC, goddamn it, why is this man so cinematic

Before I answer, I want to say that I'm happy to hear what your favourite scenes are! Because I don't think I have seen anyone talk about their favourite Rain code scenes?

The Makoto scene was interesting indeed! I liked it, but not enough to be in my top 5 I think?

The Yakou one... Yeah, I totally get it! Maybe in my top 5, but not for the chapter

Ok, yeah, the second Makoto scene was amazing, I liked it a lot, it might be my favourite scene of chapter 5? I'll have to think more about it (However, I never found him terrifying, just funny and interesting)

Ohh, the running out of the tunnel scene was funny

As for the DLC, I apologise, I have not played nor seen the DLCs 😔

-----

Ok, now, about my opinion... Spoiler, most of them are about Yomi, because of course it would be about him. It's ALWAYS about him in my head...

Ok, so, for chapter 0... Hmmmm. Ok, the tunnel one is very fun, but I also really like the moment Yuma uses the fire extinguisher, because he hurts himself and leaves blood. Just that wouldn’t be interesting, but the fact he leaves blood at that instant, and it turns out to be a very useful information later on (not just for chapter 0, but also for chapter 5 (because we think the blood is pink in this game, but Yuma's red blood was proof something was off about Kanai's inhabitants)) is just so interesting. Like, I don't know how to explain it, it's just nice

The Opening... I am really not normal about that opening. I like EVERY🦆IN THING ABOUT THAT OPENING. And of course I really like the moment we get Yomi's intro, and the moment we get Makoto's intro. I don't have much to add, I like them a lot, their presentation is nice, I like it.

For chapter 1, of course I really like when Yomi and Martina arrive, and when Seth gets hit in the face, because- because I have no explaining for it. Everytime Yomi appears on screen, I basically turn into Fake Zilch, so...

No but, if I had to find an explanation... Well, the way Yomi and Martina arrived on the bike was really cool, and Yomi, being the prince that he is, waiting for Martina to open her umbrella and introduce him was fun. As for the Seth part... I guess I just really like Seth being hurt :')

I love that man, but get him away from me for his own safety :')

Oh, bonus point: Don't know if that counts, but when Shinigami posessed the priest was a funny scene, I really liked it

Chapter 2, of course I really like the submarine explosion/cube scene. Because maaan, we get to see how insane Yomi is, and I think that's when I was sold for his character (is that how you say it?). And, also, I HAVE to add : I think that his "What's... love?" might be my favourite line from him (with probably the sewing machine one), so that makes the scene even better! (Also, can we talk about the angst potential of that sentence???)

Other than Yomi... Hmmm, the end of the mystery labyrinth with the girls crying and explaining their action... Man, I cry everytime. Because, you know, you can't say they were wrong for wanting to avenge their friend, but you can't really justify it either. It's just tragic...

Aaand, I think we could count the drinking scene as well, because you can see Karen hesitating to drink. She probably knew what was going to happen to her but decided to go with it anyway, probably because she felt remorses. This chapter really was a tragedy.

Chapter 3... Do I even have to say it? I'm sure you know it without me having to write it down. Anyway, the Yomi walking/Makoto air balloon scene.

Why? BECAUSE I AM A SIMP AND HAVE YOU SEEN THAT MAN WALKING?? HAVE YOU?? HE WAS SO PRETTY DURING THAT SCENE, AND FOR NO DARN REASON, THAT MAN, I SWEAR-

Ijdhd9sgs8scsu ugh. Ok, I also mentionned Makoto. I liked that scene also because of Makoto unexpected and silly entrance. He could have come and drifted with his car, could have come appearing behind Yomi, out of nowhere. And yet, he decided that a 🦆in balloon would do?? I love that man.

Also, do you guys think he has an army of giant hot air balloon at the ready somewhere?? (Was it ever mentionned somewhere?)

Onto chapter 4: Ok, for this one, there are three (more?) that I really like.

I really liked when Yomi "arrested" Makoto

When Makoto had that file (or whatever it was) it gently knocked himself in the head with it, like "Hehe", I have no explanation for it, I just really liked it (am I the only one who thought that was a bit hot of him? Like, sir- sir, what are you- I really like you, funny man)

When Yomi whipped Vivia (I like Vivia, but hot dang, that was... Hm 👀👀)

When Yomi (how do you say that in proper English? I forgot) got the guns out. Like, that pose was soooo fine. Sir, please consider becoming a model, or even- (I swear, if that man was real (he'd probably get arrested right away and would be an awful human being. That aside...) I would support him on only fan... Although, Yomi being Yomi, I don't feel like he would have one). But also, sir, you can't aim with two guns... I mean, I doubt you would care anyway, but come on, that was silly

Ok, anyway...

Oh yeah, that short (was it?) when we could see him flee, that was so so funny to me

And lastly, as you mentionned, the scene where Yakou got his soul reaped... Man... I cried again. And I think I will cry everytime I'll watch it. It's just too heartbraking...

Chapter 5: Hmm... Hmmmmmmm.

🦆,that's a hard one (also, wtf, when you put only an emoji on the paragraph, it makes it big?? Big duckies??? Yay)

Hmmm, I really liked everything in chapter 5 (although I have a fear of zombies (the first time I saw them, I was like "Noooo, why did you put zombies in your amazing game? Now I'm scared ;-;" and when I played the game, I decided to play chapter 5 IN THE DARK. Let me tell you I did not move a single muscle until I was in the labyrinth 🫠)), but I can hardly find a scene I liked more than the others.

Hmm, maybe the doctor Huesca video? But I'm not sure that counts... Hmmmmmm

Oh wait, yeah, no, I liked when Makoto asked Yuma to lend him a hand, and, as you said, when Makoto moved after Yuma and Shinigami entered the labyrinth. I was like "YOOOOO", that was crazy

And the sword fight you talked about was also a nice scene! Hmm

Oh and, if that counts, everytime Makoto changed masks, especially when he switched to his very special mask (the one with the giant smile and long tongue). Because I reaaaally like masks, and he has so many, with so many significations... I liked it (speaking of the significations of his masks, has anyone made a post dedicated to it? If yes, cand you please share the link? I really want to see it if it exists)

Epilogue: Hmmm there's not much I have to say... I guess I liked when the four detectives thanked chief Yakou (Halara giving him their precious coin 🥺), when Vivia got out of his suitcase, because it was funny... And... I think the train scene with Kurumi was nice, and of course the one where we see Yuma in that desert city... That was interesting, I hope we'll get to have more Master Detective Archives in the future!

Overall favourite: Is it obvious? I don't know if it's obvious, it is in my mind. I really duckin love that chapter 3 scene waaaaaay too much. I could look at it for hours on end, I swear

Since I didn't play nor watch the DLCs, I think that's all? Hope that answered your question! And thanks a lot for telling me your favourite scenes and asking for mine!

I might reblog this and update it with the DLCs once I watch/play them 🤔

[magnolia-miraculous]

M. Dupain-Cheng (aka Ladybug) Headcanons <3

Honestly she’s just a lil clumsy dummy and I love her lol. Nothing more to say, just that.

She used to do ballet when she was little. She was in the same class as Chloé (and Adrien). She used to make fun of her for being clumsy however, and this transferred over into academic school.

She really likes tea. Jasmine’s her favorite.

She also really likes gardening; she hangs out at a garden top building she knows a lot.

I retcon that a lot of the plants she has growing on her roof are actually herbs and stuff.

Lots and lots of basil.

She knows flower language and has a few books on it.

She rlly loves candles but barely ever lights them so she’s got this huge assortment of brand new candles sitting around in her room.

Tbh she does this a lot.

She has a huge collection of stationary that she never uses. She just has to get them when she sees them.

She has gel pens and post-it’s and stickers galore. It can’t be constituted but she does.

Also doesn’t really color traditionally often; she just does a lot of sketching and drawing in pen and pencil for the most part.

On the other hand, she’s an expert at digital color.

Did y’all see the Jagged Stone album??

Her parents didn’t let her have a sewing machine until she was like 12 bc yikes automated sharp thing.

Thus, she’s rlly good at sewing by hand.

There was a long period however where nearly all of her fingers were constantly covered in bandaids bc she kept sticking herself; she could have just used thimbles but honestly they just made it rlly hard.

At one point she figured out that preliminarily putting on bandaids prevented any sort of actual hurt and she began to do so, replacing the ones that had fallen off each time she went to sew again.

She’ll stick her tongue out when she’s concentrated on drawing or will make the facial expression she’s trying to portray.

Really good at pretty much anything creative that she tries her hand at. Drawing? Great. Fashion? The best. Jewelry making? Like a pro.

She uses mascara and gets into using different colors like pink n stuff.

Eyeliner that could kill a man.

She still has all of her old stuffed animals bc she was too attached to them to give them away.

She doesn’t really listen to rap music too much but she can rap rlly rlly fast which is a surprise given how much she stutters n stuff.

She can wrap the entirety of fergalicious on request.

Both of her parents unironically listen to bring me to life by evanescence and it’s subtlely driving her insane.

She’s French, Italian, and Chinese, but is like 4% aware of her own cultures.

Like, she’s not entirely French but she has no idea what’s going on in the Italian and Chinese scenes rn?? The cultural identity crisis is real lmao.

Also she calls it “patsa”. She couldn’t pronounce it as a kid for some reason and never bothered to stop. Her parents think it’s funny.

Also also Marinette is the daughter of the best baker in Paris but she’d give an arm and a leg for Little Debbie’s cakes and Hostess snacks (like zebra cakes and cosmic brownies and cherry pies and marshmallow/cream filled crap).

She eats a lot of them as of becoming ladybug bc she can afford to tbh.

Her parents chalk it up to puberty + the runs she’s been going on lately.

Hint: the runs are to cover up how she’s actually getting as fit as she is.

Sometimes Forgets to Hide her Strength and will Pick Up people or Heavy Things.

Adrien would be embarrassed to admit that he actually liked it when Marinette Carried him once.

The class secretly shares photos of her Forgetting and Picking Up.

Also, after becoming Ladybug, for some reason, flowers and plants seem to be a lot easier to care for now.

She could forget to water her basil for a week and it’s still as big and bright as ever??

This bouquet should have wilted two weeks ago?? Cut flowers literally never last this long??

Those weren’t supposed to bloom for another two weeks?? Those weren’t supposed to bloom at all??

She’s basically her own little cell tower too. Need a better connection? Go stand by Marinette.

Flexibility is insane. Also reflexes.

If you catch her by surprise, you will be thrown.

Marinette will literally talk shit abt Chat Noir and then someone will simply agree with a lil mhm or a yeah and she’ll turn around and give dozens of counterpoints to what she was just saying two seconds ago and absolutely go for the throat and slaughter them for ever even thinking about saying anything bad about Chat Noir like that like the audacity.

She keeps all the flowers he gives her as Ladybug and presses them and puts them in this giant, heavy ahh archaic lookin book she has lying around.

Tbh even she doesn’t know where it came from but yk, flowers :)

No but actually she doesn’t question it nearly as much as she should.

Or at all. Marinette what is that thing.

We all know that she thinks of her role as Ladybug and her powers as a responsibility more so than an escape like Adrien does, but I like to think that at some point (maybe after the Santa Claws incident?), she loosens up about it and begins to understand Chat’s pov on the miraculous. Obviously, she still thinks of it as something not for personal use, but she’s more open to wandering.

Sometimes when she can’t sleep (particularly because of superhero-related stress), she’ll sneak out to find a nice place to sit and look out on the city, letting the drowned-out ambience lull her to sleep.

Sometimes on cold nights, she’ll bring a blanket or a jacket or something. She also likes bringing her sketchbook.

She’s more than once awoken to the sun on her face, on the roof of a building after accidentally dozing off and had to rush home.

We love her 💞💞 ok that’s it, bye.

[some-pers0n]

wait how did medic invent mpreg

Ah, good question! Here, lemme explain. For a bit of warning, this does spoil the comics. If you want to read them (which I highly recommend doing), read here!

I'd start first with the comics Loose Cannon, Blood Brothers, A Fate Worse Than Chess, maybe a couple Halloween comics to get you familiar with Merasmus (I'd say Gargoyles & Gravel, Blood Money, and Doom-Mates) before THEN jumping into the mainline comics (including the catch-up one first). They're quite funny and pretty short, so you'll be done in no time.

But, that's just me. If you just want a simple and easy explanation, read on. It makes more sense if you've familiarized yourself with the comics, but yeah.

So, in the third comic (A Cold Day in Hell), right at the end we are greeted with the sight of a familiar face. Medic! Here is literally the first page he shows up in.

So. Yeah. Medic has been sewing baboon uteruses the TFC mercs. Hasn't gotten to everyone, but that implies that a couple have some in them.

Fast forward to comic six (The Naked and the Dead) where we get a payoff to this joke. After Medic sells another soul to the devil, he's left with a pen. Then, this scene happens.

So. Yeah. Classic Heavy has baboon uteruses inside him.

Ah-ah-ah! And before you say: "Oh he was bluffing! The pen doesn't do anything!"

This.

It works. Fucking mad man. I love him.

Oh! And before I forget, I wanna quickly mention that this is one of at least THREE instances in the series of men being pregnant and or having a uterus. In the Blood Brother's comic, Redmond and Blutarch discuss building a pregnancy machine to have heirs. In some promotional material for an update, we get the will of Zepheniah Mann, where (among other things) he was dying of a womb infection. How did he get a womb infection? From the uterus that's just. Inside him.

It's so stupid and so dumb and I adore this series so much.

[thehitchhikerguide]

Season 2, Episode 9: Hired Help

Our favorite rogue is back at it, and this time he's taking on illegal immigration! Who knew that Mexico shared a border with Canada?

The episode starts off by announcing the famous guest star this time is Karen Black. Wow, that's a pretty famous actress who've been in a ton of stuff, especially in the 1970's. I really only remember her from that Great Gatsby movie I had to see in high school. Anyways, this episode is not that great, but I think she is great in it. We start out at a sewing sweat shop, where there are a bunch of people making clothes.

Karen Black seems to be having some argument about operations with another man among many rolls of fabric.

As a sewist, I did drool a little at this place and all the fabric, despite it looking so dusty and dingy.

Suddenly, someone hurts their hand at one of the sewing machines.

Karen Black is not sympathetic to this at all because it will now affect her bottom line. One of her workers starts to leave to go with the injured person to the hospital. Turns out it was his niece that got hurt.

She is not happy and basically tells him if he leaves, to not come back at all. He says something about how the dark gods will punish her for this. A curse it seems...why am I getting Stephen King's Thinner vibes from this?

One thing interesting about this episode was this strange noise that kept occurring between scenes - and it wasn't the creepy Rubini score that is usually heard. It's hard to describe, but it sounds like the sound the TV show A Current Affair used to make when showing it's logo. I think it's supposed to symbolize some sort of magic going on.

Where is our Hitchhiker character? We are pretty far in.

Oh there he is.

...And Karen Black almost hits him as she's speeding out. We find out her name is actually Kay Mason and she "thinks she is a rich and powerful woman who uses people then throws them away. But the law of business isn't the only force at work out there and she's about to meet someone who's going to drive that point home."

Hmm that person looks a lot like Harry Shearer. Oh wait this is the guy she was arguing with before...I guess he is her husband.

Haha, I just thought this scene was funny. Karen doesn't get nude in this episode so they had to show breasts somehow.

There is some playful dialogue with Kay and her husband about how she needs to find another person to replace the guy she fired. He also needs someone do work in their backyard. He advises her to get someone at "the wall." Wait there was a wall before Trump was in office?

Then he uses the headache line on her and goes to sleep. Classic!

Down at the wall, she find someone that seems to fit her qualifications.

Wow, this guy belongs in a Lands End ad!

After he does some work at her fabric warehouse, she takes him to her house for some "other" chores. You can imagine where it goes from here.

But first we get a shot of him taming her devil dog when he tries to attack. We also find out the dog's name is "Boy." Wow there are all sorts of racist issues at play.

Mrs. Mason are you trying to seduce me?

We get a reveal of an interesting tattoo when Kay's housekeeper hands him a drink.

This causes the housekeeper to freak out and Kay to scream at her to get ahold of herself. This tattoo seems to mean he is a type of devil. This doesn't scare Kay at all.

In fact I think it turns her on. She brings him in the bedroom to look at her air conditioning.

Woah I guess it's not working since he needs to take off all his clothes.

As much as I tried, I don't think you can see anything here when he gets totally nude.

They do some interesting shadow shots for the love scene. This is probably because they don't want to show any nudity. This shot did look pretty cool when it went from sexy time to full on spanking and then hard core thrusting.

This looks like part of a modern dance number.

Things seems erotic until...

Uhhhh....what? Nothing unusual here.

After this night of passion, she is extremely upset her greenhouse is trashed.

Did she not see the black wings coming out of that guy and demon eyes? She starts calling out for her dog...Boy. Ugh.

Haha he has hex vision. He runs over to her...

And this puppet attacks her. She calls out to Maria, her housekeeper for help.

She has Bette Davis eyes. Then Kay notices something else scary in her house.

Black Adder! Black Adder!

Luckily her husband comes home just in time. And everything seems fine...

Uh oh! The only thing left to do is...

But how do you shoot the devil in the back...what if you miss?

Her husband goes down with a bad gunshot wound, but the red eyes are gone. Naturally this is pretty funny to Kay.

Is that the end? What the heck happened?

This ending scene with the Hitchhiker seems to have some secret message about Autodeter. Who is that and what does it mean?

We don't get an answer to that, just the message that Kay Mason took advantage of the helpless and laughed at their superstitious beliefs. But when she angered the gods of their vengeance, she unleashed a darkness that overcame her and should make believers of us all.

I don't know, I'm not convinced. Although it might explain this strange artwork.

Actually that doesn't explain anything. I'm not even sure she learned her lesson since I don't think she liked her husband that much to begin with. Hmmm this one is pretty weak. And not much resolution for those illegal immigrants. Boo!

[highoncatfood]

IVE BEEN SAYING THIS!!!!!!

its my favourite part of his character the way the narrative treats him as this Serious Dangerous Villain and everyone is actually afraid of him/respects him (although thats most likely also jst due to the fear of whatever the hell he might come up with as punishment if they dont so yknow) but he is. so goofy. (which honestly makes the fact that he isnt actually the real main antagonist of the story even funnier. like hes seriously jst this way for the sake of it huh

hes so dramatic and unserious i cannot take him seriously Ever.

when he started crying on command i immediately knew hes gonna be my favourite. that is so funny im sorry. the way he dealt with seth was insane he listens to this man trying to explain himself on the verge of tears saying b b but ur the one who told me to do this!!! and goes 'umm nuh uh. also! die ^_^' like ur telling me This is the guy thats the head of the police force in this city. yeah okay sure makes sense

the insults he utters give me second hand embarrassment my guy what r u talking abt. u bet ur ass he probably thinks hes abt to sound so cool and scary and then spits out the lamest most nonthreatening thing ive ever heard. (umbrella sewing machine, balloon boy, duty or cosmic law etc etc)

a little off topic but i cant stop thinking abt how the cube thing reminds me of the perfectly generic object from homestuck sorry ok.

yomi chilling with his hundred pretty little cubes

anyway back to his cringe loser behavior. its also so funny to me how he keeps bragging abt how daaaangerous he is and how he threatens to personally torture the main cast on multiple occasions but he never rlly. does anything even close to it. like at all basically. he kicked his idiot minion goons whod probs knock themselves out on their own if he jst asked them to and hit vivia a very generous number of Once. and i guess stomped on yakou a bunch of times but the man was already fucking helpless dying on the floor like do u get wht im trying to say he only gets physically aggressive with ppl obviously much weaker than him/not able to defend themselves. his ass was RUNNING the Second halara moved in that one scene. this man thinks hes some kind of evil badass but take away his pathetic little whip and he is running to look for someone to use as a human shield asap. i lose 3 years of my life anytime anyone says he could ever win in a fair fight. did u see this man theres not a single defined muscle on his body ok im getting off track wait. point is he makes himself out to be Big and Gweat and Scawy but hes like a cat that hisses and cries if u spray water in his face a little too strongly. also dont get me started on the scene after the ch4 labyrinth where he is POINTING 2 GUNS in yuma and vivs faces but hed still rather stall for 10 minutes monologuing like dude they r literally right there jst pull the trigger. nie masz psychy. god i fucking love him

I think many fanfics or other works featuring Yomi depict him as like Way Too Serious than he actually is like. That's the guy who mastered the skill to ugly cry on command just so he can mock pretend to be distraught at Seth's heinous atrocities (pointed out by his gf of course) before sending him to the chopper this is the only scene where he did so they even gave him like three unique sprites just for that. This is the man that upon watching the liveleak footage of the submarine explosion (whilst using his gf as a seat) exclaimed in the most enthusiastic voice "KABOOM!! It sank all right! Haha!" in front of tens of his men completely unbothered, minutes later after the woman cube incident he says "alllll right now let's go and find the corpses of those detectives that got blown up :)" with his hand up in the air. And that is after his cube scene. And I cannot state this enough, the Cube Machine was not specifically just made as a one time thing for Martina, the weirdly passionate way he speaks about The Cube, stating he's gonna carry the woman flesh cube on his form at all times in front of tens of his men once a-fucking-gain, the goddamn "even humans can be turned into pretty (highlighted in game.) little cubes" line that even I can't fucking decipher is just... he's just really obsessed with the Cube object. There is no normal (well, as normal as attempting to turn your gf into a cube can be) explanation for this. Plus, invented detectivephobia, according to some people. Even if he claims to Makoto, he can easily also be just... gently coaxed by him just politely saying "please🥺" once, into letting an alleged terrorist completely off the hook, that he wanted to capture and torture so bad before that point. He fumbles his insults so fucking tragically "that's even more impossible than a chance meeting between an umbrella and a sewing machine on an operating table" "empty headed balloon boy" so far I can name only one (1) that actually landed, and that's debatable too. After momentarily getting rid of Makoto resulting in him being alone in the room with Yuma (the goons don't count as people), literally after 2 seconds with the tiny wretch his first question is "what even are you. why do you exist. you aren't from this city. you aren't a detective. so what point is there in your existence :/ not like i care anyway... take him away girls" (what was he on about, how did he know yuma is and isn't a detective, guess you will never know). The "YUOUR IN NO POSITION TO ORDER AROUND THE GREAT YOMI!!1!11". His honest reaction to Makoto getting those documents is to start screeching "CAPTURE HIM EXECUTE HIM CHOP HIS HEAD OFF CRUSH HIS SKULL!!!!!!!!". That was my hopefully comprehensive Yomi moment scene list. Let Yomi be silly and deeply, incredibly unserious. Cringe, even. I am begging. While he can absolutely act intimidating when he wants to, he usually fucks it up like, 3 minutes in with his uncontrollable desire to be the goofiest guy in the room. Genuinely tragic

[always-andromeda]

How Dano Characters Would Play Stardew Valley Part II | Dano!Characters x GN!Reader

Dano!Characters x GN!Reader

Author's Note | we got part two up in here! this concept is so fun to me so I hope that y'all enjoy the lighthearted content! I promise I am still working on my milestone requests (y'all would not believe how many requests I actually got oh my gosh) but I just wanted to break it up with this fun little thing!!

Warnings | slight spoilers for Stardew Valley? overall, this is pure fluff!

✰ Joby Taylor ✰

First of all, you'd have to force Joby to play the game. He'd roll his eyes at the cutesy graphics and write it off as just a time waster. But he'd get sucked in and get super invested in it.

Joby doesn't really like farming. He isn't good at it. And he has a hard time budgeting out his money to buy the proper amount of seeds. He also isn't great with planning ahead and has absolutely planted seeds a few days before the turn of the season and gets surprised when they all die.

But he loves planting wheat. It grows fast and then he can turn them into beer. He gets really good at the brewing aspect and regularly sells the spoils of his keg collection and gets rich that way.

He dates literally every single bachelor and bachelorette and gets both the scenes with the boys and the girls where they all slut shame him. He gets so pissed off that none of the marriage candidates will talk to him the week afterwards.

When he builds up his friendship levels again, he has a hard time choosing between Sebastian and Abigail. He alternates between both, marrying one, staying with them for about a year, divorcing them, and then marrying the other. He erases his ex's memory and proceeds to romance them all over again. He has absolutely no remorse for this.

Joby chooses a dog as his pet. Surprisingly, he gets very attached to the dog. He’d name the dog after some rock legend like Kurt, Sid, or Mick. That dog is basically the only creature he bothers to care for in the entire game.

Oh. And yeah. He absolutely sells out to Joja Corporation purely because he thinks it's funny and doesn't want to have to gather all the goods for the community center.

✰ Louis Ives ✰

Louis would adore the concept of this game but would be a fairly casual player. They're not super intense on farming or mining. But they love decorating the farm and the house.

They memorize the pathing of each NPC so they can build around their pathing in town. They decorate with all sorts of greenery and stone pathing and spend lots of time switching out decor to match with the passing seasons. Louis has the prettiest version of Pelican Town on their save file.

Louis makes friends with all of the townies so quickly. They're good at memorizing all of the birthdays and setting aside presents to give everyone.

When deciding between a dog and a cat for their pet, Louis chooses a cat. And they’d name it some sort of feminine human name like Lily or Claire. 

Louis has so much fun with making clothes. The second Emily gives them the sewing machine, Louis is spending all of their gold on getting a barn full of sheep so they can continually be producing wool to make into fabric.

They will combine basically every item they possibly can with fabric to see what sort of clothing it would make. And they make a deliberate effort to wear every single article of clothing possible.

They would marry Emily. Emily was the girl who introduced them to sewing, which is what initially gets them interested. She's just so unique and fun and it keeps them on their toes.

When Emily gives their character the Magic outfit, Louis will try and incorporate at least one piece into their outfit at all times.

They venture into the mines (even though they absolutely suck at combat) just to find minerals to give to Emily.

✰ Percy Dolarhyde ✰

Percy is the biggest brat with this game. He isn't even good at the game in the slightest. Which is probably the most frustrating thing of all for him.

He can't even try to flex being good at any of the mechanics. Catching fish? He loses them all. Farming? Boring. Combat? Terrible.

Percy gets knocked out every single time he goes into the mine and loses half of his items. Or he loses track of time and passes out at 2 AM and ends up getting mugged. This angers him immensely.

This man is the only person in the world who could develop rage over a game like Stardew Valley. He isn't good at it and doesn't understand it and this upsets him a lot more than it should.

Percy doesn't care about forming genuine friendships with characters. He'd marry random villagers and then divorce them for just the drama of it all. Hell, he'll randomly give trash to villagers just to see their reactions.

Just like in real life, no one likes Percy.

He gets heavily attached to the dog and the horse you can eventually get. He probably calls the dog Copper and names the horse Dusty. Truly, those are the only characters (are they even really characters though?) that he can even slightly form a real bond with.

Needless to say, someone is absolutely putting a few bullets through their Nintendo Switch before whining to their father to get them another one.

✰ Pierre Bezukhov ✰

Pierre gets super invested very quickly. Especially with farming. He's terribly useless in the mines, of course. But he tries his best. If he's playing multiplayer with someone else, he'll sacrifice himself in the most dramatic fashion if any monsters attack.

On farming: Pierre is so diligent with it. He does all of the math for how many crops he can manage to grow in a season. He doesn't care too much about profits, however. The joy of planting seeds and watching them slowly grow into pixel fruits and veggies fulfills him more than any amount of money ever could.

He's super attentive to the crops and will insist upon watering them all himself instead of just using the sprinklers.

Pierre loves the animals and chooses a cat for his pet. He’d name it some stereotypical cat name like Whiskers or Mittens. He’s a simple man and when he sees a pixel cat, he can’t help but be smitten.

This man marries Penny, of course. Pierre loves her kindness but also loves her dedication to kids and having a family. When she offers to decorate the bedroom, he chooses the Forest and Moon theme.

Pierre can fully embrace the slice of life narrative and doesn’t get bored by it. He could literally waste hours away on this game between building up his farm and discovering what the world has to offer. He takes the most time to technically “finish” the game because he really cares about exploring every aspect.

✰ Seth ✰

Seth goes into this game with one goal in mind: making as much money as possible. And he means business. He will try any and every money making tactic in the game.

He isn't great with farming though. Not for a lack of trying, either. He just simply forgets about his crops. He's constantly forgetting to water them and ends up accidentally letting them die.

This man has a thing for pyrotechnics and will always be using bombs in the mines to get through the levels. This is where he gets a lot of his riches. He goes the route of getting diamonds and making dozens upon dozens of Crystalariums so he can duplicate diamonds forever.

Seth is also pretty good at fishing, surprisingly. When he can focus on it, he can get sucked into wasting an in-game day standing on the dock at the beach, just casting his line while using the Treasure Hunter so he can get extra gems while fishing. 

Before too long, Seth fills up his farm with four separate sheds, each filled with Crystalariums that are all hard at work. On the days where they're all finished duplicating, he just waltzes through each shed and mutters to himself, "Time for daddy's payday..."

If he needs any ores or wood or stone, he's not harvesting it himself. He buys all of his supplies at this point.

Seth doesn't get married! He isn't letting himself get tied down in both the real and virtual world. But he does flirt with every one of the bachelorettes. Of course he does.

He gets slut shamed by all of the bachelorettes and he's kind of bitter about it. But he gets over it quickly and moves on. 

His biggest achievement? Being able to place the Gold Clock on his farm.

✰ Simon Feck ✰

Simon is unabashedly in love with this game. He likes playing video games in his spare time anyways, but this one is intriguing to him because of the wholesome themes and because it literally never ends.

He doesn't get too into interacting with the other characters. He just loves automating his farm.

The day he gets the enrichers that spread fertilizer automatically? He's in paradise. He places Junimo huts everywhere so that they can do everything for him.

This man absolutely mods his game. Simon gets obsessed with adding random expansions packs that give him extra crops to mess with, extra NPCs, and extra locations.

He's not great at connecting with the NPCs so he tends to look towards the wiki for help on knowing what to do and which gifts to give who, though he is very secretive about this and will get offended if anyone even implies that he's not being a purist.

Simon falls head over heels for Maru. It takes him a while to get there, but he eventually marries her and adores the fact that there's an NPC who's just as into science and technology as he is.

✰ Timothy Klitz ✰

Klitz also mods his game. But the mods he uses are mostly cosmetic. He definitely uses the one that changes the villager portraits to anime style portraits.

He’s also a huge video game purist so he really tries to toe the line between keeping his experience as true to the original as possible while also making his game prettier to look at. He’s a sucker for a mod that puts a good filter over the whole game.

He also chooses a cat for his pet. He’s allergic to dogs in real life and he’s dragging that with him into the virtual setting. He’d choose the orange cat and would name it Garfield just for the fun of it.

Klitzy is madly in love with Hayley. He thinks she's the prettiest bachelorette in town and it absolutely breaks his heart when she bullies him.

When her birthday comes around in Spring, he gives her the only thing in his inventory, a dandelion. And when she says, “It's my birthday and you give me this? Is this some kind of joke?” He is in mourning. He will quit the game and restart the day just so he won't have to deal with that lowering his friendship level with her.

He takes it personal when she rejects him at the Flower Dance. Even if you explain that he just needs to have at least four hearts with her, he is absolutely insulted.

It takes him so long to actually figure out what gifts she likes to receive because he's dead set on not checking the wiki. He considers it cheating and takes the purity of his gameplay experience very seriously.

He's actually good at fishing. Big shocker, but he has the patience and the reflexes to actually catch every fish fairly quickly. He also likes keeping them in fish tanks; he has so many fish tanks littered throughout his house and his sheds. 

[busterkeatonfanfic]

Chapter 11

Filming for Steamboat had wrapped by the first Saturday in September. Weeks of cutting still remained on the horizon, but Buster could do that from the comfort of his production room at the Villa. The cutting was precisely why he was now knocking on Joe’s office door. If he had anything to say about it, the words ‘Supervised by Harry Brand’ would not appear anywhere in the credits. Once was more than enough. 

“Come in,” said Joe. 

Buster walked in and seated himself in the chair in front of Schenck’s desk. 

“What’s on your mind?” said Joe. He was drinking coffee.

“The picture. What’s on anyone’s mind right now?” said Buster affably.

“Sure,” said Joe. “Still on track to finish tomorrow?”

“That’s the plan,” said Buster. 

Joe wasn’t stupid and Buster could see that he was trying to figure out what the visit was about. He seemed a little uneasy as he sipped his coffee.

“So,” said Joe. 

“Sew buttons,” Buster said, the witticism lame and off-handed, before getting down to business. “Anyway, I was thinking about how we’re going to cut the picture and that got me to thinking about the credits. About how we’re doing things in general.”

Joe looked at him, waiting for him to go on.

“So you’ve got a picture. Say it’s a Doug Fairbanks picture. For example, Doug comes on and you say, ‘Douglas Fairbanks supervised by Joe Doakes.’ It’s bad on the face of it. You’re belittling Fairbanks. Fairbanks, not Doakes, is what you’re selling.” Buster leaned forward and knit his hands on the desk. 

“I’m listening,” said Joe. A frown was creeping onto his face. 

“When you’re talking about a picture, what do you really need? Three things. One man writes it, another man directs it, and a star acts it. Those three people are responsible for every great picture that was ever made. In some cases one man is all three—Chaplin,” said Buster.

“I see where you’re going with this and I disagree,” said Joe, giving a frown. “Supervisors are the big thing. All the big studios are using them.”

“Maybe they are,” he said. “But they can be wrong. It’s not going to last long. The whole damned thing’s a bad joke.”

Joe shook his head, looking displeased.

Buster laid the trump card on the table, poker-faced but confident. “There’ll be no more supervisors in the pictures Buster Keaton makes.”

He waited for Joe to reply. As the seconds ticked by in silence, he began to wonder if he was in for a real fight. He’d said he was taking the pot, but maybe Joe didn’t know that he wasn’t bluffing.

At last, Joe cleared his throat and said something. Buster had to lean forward to catch it. His brain grappled with the words, not comprehending.

Buster Keaton isn’t going to make any more pictures.

That’s what Joe had said. 

He sat back in stunned silence as Joe continued. 

“No, no,” said Joe. “That didn’t come out right. What I mean, Buster, is that you’re not going to make any more pictures for me. I’m dissolving the studio.”

“Why?” Buster managed to say. His lips felt tight and dry. 

“Now I don’t want you to worry,” Joe said, holding up a hand in a benevolent way. “I’ve gotten it all straightened out. You’re going over to M-G-M. That’s where Nick is. He’ll take great care of you. Look, I know it’s not what you want, but just think about it for a minute. You’ll have ten times the opportunities. A whole staff of writers working for you, helping you with cutting and production and stories. The money’s bigger. The pictures will be better. You can’t lose, it’s a chance of a lifetime.”

Buster couldn’t make his mouth work. Joe was now waxing poetic about the settlement Buster would be getting for his interests in the studio. The studio? His studio. Buster Keaton Productions. Five thousand dollars for eight years of making millions for Joe, and now he was finding out in the worst possible that he didn’t have the power in his own enterprise that he thought he did.

“Nick will treat you just like his own son. I’m telling you, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Joe was more animated now as he reviewed the details. It was clear that he had been chewing on this decision for a while now and there was no appealing it.  

Buster listened on in disbelief. An image was crystalizing in his mind of a theater trunk sitting in an alley, left behind and forgotten. He’d felt exactly the same way the day he’d split up The Three Keatons. 

He didn’t remember what he said to Joe before leaving the office. He didn’t even remember leaving the office. He just found himself walking east on Romaine Street toward 1025 Lillian Way. His thoughts couldn’t seem to coalesce. He supposed he was in shock. Part of him wanted to think that it was all a dirty joke, but Joe—Joe, who attended the Sunday barbecues at the Villa faithfully, who had been so worried for Buster when he’d returned from France that he’d emptied his wallet for him, who’d lent Buster money to buy his first house—had never been that kind of man when it came to serious matters. Buster was torn between wanting a stiff drink and wanting to jump off a bridge. 

He did neither, of course. Back at Lillian Way, there was a film to finish. He now knew what the crowning gag would be. Tomorrow, the Saphead Would Face Down Certain Death. Whether he survived, he didn’t much care at the moment. *** Nelly had never worked on a Sunday before, but the Sunday before Labor Day was the final day of shooting and she couldn’t object even if she wanted to. Of course she didn’t want to. She’d been with the picture from almost the first and couldn’t think of a greater honor than finishing it out. The other actors and much of the crew had departed since they’d left Sacramento, and now it was just her, Bert, Buster, and a skeleton crew. A small set had been built on the United Artists lot and she was presently furnishing a small two-story house. The second story needed only to be filled with boxes, but the main floor required homey touches, so she and Bert arranged a rug, a sofa, a chair, and pictures on the wall. She set a lamp on a table in the center of the room. The house had a breakaway facade that was lying face-down in the dirt, but had hinges enabling it to be drawn up. 

As she decided whether a fringed floor lamp should go to the left or right of the sofa, Buster and one of the crew walked up. They both got on top of the flat facade and she watched, pretending to be busy with the lamp, as Buster stood in the frame of an open second-story window and looked to the top of the house. She positioned the lamp to the left of the sofa and slid the cord under it and out of sight. When she glanced at Buster again, he was hammering a nail into the dirt inside the window frame. She couldn’t imagine what he was doing. Plumping one of the throw pillows on the sofa, she looked again. He was hammering a second nail. “This’ll do it,” he said to the crewmember.

Bert came through the back door of the house with an armful of curtains as Buster and the crewmember walked away. 

“What’s he doing?” Nelly said to him under her breath.

“Buster?” said Bert, sounding a little out of breath as he dumped the curtains on the sofa. “Figuring out where to stand. The facade’s gonna come down right on top of him. Except he ends up in the window and doesn’t get hurt.”

“On top of him?” said Nelly, her innards seeming to go cold. The breakaway facades weighed a ton. The crew and cast had been warned to stay well away from them when the previous breakaway scenes were filmed, since getting caught underneath one would spell catastrophe.

“That’s right,” said Bert. “It was just supposed to fall down near him, scare him a little bit, then he’d run toward another building and it would fall down too, but he got the idea to have the window pass over him last night he said.” Bert didn’t seem to be at all perturbed by the nature of the stunt as he set to hanging a curtain.

“He’s going to get killed!” Nelly said, rooted to the spot. “That facade has to weigh at least a ton.”

“Two tons,” Bert said, walking across the room and pulling down another curtain rod. He eased a curtain onto it.

Nelly felt panicked. “He’s crazy. He’ll get killed. Has anyone tried talking him out of it?”

Bert laughed. “You think anyone has ever talked Buster Keaton out of anything once he’s got an idea in his head?”

“He’ll be killed,” she said. She was starting to feel almost hysterical. 

“Trust Buster,” Bert said, stretching up to hang the curtain on his tiptoes. “He’s always fine.” Nelly sat down on the couch, trying to calm her thoughts. Bert was probably right, but suppose …

All of her supposes, like the hinges failing or a wind machine shifting the facade just inches in either direction, ended up with Buster crushed to death. Bert walked back out the back door and she barely noticed. She tried to think of some way to stop the maddening act, but couldn’t. She didn’t know Buster as well as Bert, but she knew Bert was right. Nothing stopped Buster once he was set on something.

“Better move, sweetheart, we don’t want you in the scene.” She looked up and Buster was at the corner of the house peering in at her. 

It was her chance to beg him to reconsider, to throw herself on him, scream, and rend his clothes. Instead, she apologized and let herself out the back door. There was nothing that causing a ruckus would do except delay filming and possibly get her kicked off the set, spoiling her future chances of working for the Buster Keaton Studios. The facade gave a titanic creaking as it was eased back into place. Outside of the set, a couple crew members were wetting the dirt in front of the house with a hose so that it was slick and muddy as if from a cyclone. Nelly made her way toward some other crew members clustered off-camera to the right of the house. As she got closer, she noticed they were huddled in a funny way. 

“...hallowed be thy name

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done

On earth as it is in heaven.”

They were praying. The realization almost made her sick to her stomach. She didn’t go in for religion, but as she stopped in their midst, she made the decision to join them. If there was any chance the prayer would spare Buster, it was worth it. The ending lines had a foreboding potency they’d never had before.

“But deliver us from evil

Now and at the hour of our death.”

The hour of our death. She looked up and saw Buster a few feet from them, looking placid in his baggy pants and suspenders. Was she seeing a man in the final hour of his life? If she had any sense, she’d leave. There was no reason to watch this. Yet she felt duty-bound to stay. A superstition said that maybe it would help preserve him from the stunt going wrong. 

She watched Buster helplessly as the minutes went by and the final preparations were made to the set and the cameras. The wind machines were turned on and Buster walked in front of the house. He went down to his knees and sprawled out flat onto his chest in the mud.

“What’s he doing?” she said to one of the electricians.

“Continuity,” the electrician replied. “He was muddy in the scene we shot yesterday.”

The cameraman yelled something she didn’t hear and Buster walked in front of the house. He faced one of the cameras. Nelly felt almost light-headed. What if the wind had blown the nails out of place? What if—

Buster rubbed the back of his neck and rolled his jaw. The house’s machinery groaned and the facade heaved forward. At the last second, she turned her head. There was a gut-wrenching thud as the facade landed. Tears sprang into her eyes. 

After an interminable second or so, a roar went up from the men around her and they began to clap. She looked back. Through the glaze of her tears, she could just make out Buster, still rubbing his neck and rolling his jaw nonchalantly. A great cloud of dust had sprung up. Buster pretended to suddenly realize what had just happened and dashed out of the ruined facade, stopping once at a safe distance to stare at the house in terror. 

“Cut!” shouted the cameraman over the wind.

The group of men headed toward Buster at a clip. There were hoots and handshakes and claps on the back, and Buster was grinning. Nelly shielded her face with her hand and cried, overcome with relief. She still felt weak and sick. 

“Why are you crying?” said Buster.

He had crept up without her noticing. She turned her face away quickly, shaking her head. “Because you’re a damned idiot!” she said, not caring now whether speaking her mind would ruin her chances of staying on with him. “You had no business doing that.”

Buster touched her shoulder. “Look, I’m okay, ain’t I?”

She shied away. “No gag is worth your life,” she said. 

Buster looked surprised. His hand fell from her shoulder. “Okay.”

He left to go talk to the second cameraman and Nelly stole away, tears still coming, feeling downright dreadful. She wished she hadn’t stayed on for the final day of filming. It hadn’t been the celebratory end she’d expected. It had been awful, like seeing a man trying to commit suicide but by a miracle failing. Note: The dialogue with Joe Schenck is adapted from Rudi Blesh’s biography.

[allthingsfangirl101]

Wardrobe Guru–Dylan O’Brien

Masterlist

"Where's our wardrobe guru?" Wes asked, looking around. "There she is!" He smiled, pointing at me.

"I'm here. I'm here," I sighed. "What's up?"

"We have a slight problem with Kaya's white scientist coat," Wes explained as Kaya walked over. She lifted her arm and I instantly noticed the rip down the side.

"Yeah," I laughed. "I can see that. Here, take it off and I can fix it." She did as I said and handed it over.

"Thanks, Y/N," she smiled.

"No problem. Just give me like three minutes."

"Three minutes? Really?" Wes asked with a laugh.

"Yeah," I shrugged. "It looks like the rip is right at the seam. All I have to do is unstitch a little further and sew it back up. Simple."

"And that's why you were hired," he smirked.

"Actually, it's because you know my family and owed my dad a favor," I joked as I walked backwards.

I gasped when I bumped into someone. I turned around my cheeks burning when I saw Dylan smiling at me. "Sorry," I stuttered."

"No worries," he chuckled. I nodded before quickly turning around and heading back to the costume trailer.

Once I got there, I undid a little of the seam before restitching Kaya's coat. When it was finished, I took it and headed back to set.

"That was fast!" Wes smiled as I walked over.

"I told you," I shrugged. "It wasn't too bad of a tare to begin with."

"Glad to hear," he chuckled. "Kaya is over getting ready for the scene." I sent him a thumbs up as I walked over to her.

"Ugh, you are amazing," she cheered. I laughed as I helped her put it on.

"How does that feel? Too tight? Too loose?" I asked as I inspected the seam. "More importantly, can you still move it in?"

"Y/N," she giggled. "It's perfect."

"Good." I let out a sigh of relief as I straightened it out.

"Looks good, Y/N." Dylan walked over and gave me a high five.

"Thanks," I smiled, feeling my cheeks begin to burn. I quickly turned around before he noticed. When I did, I saw Kaya smirking at me.

"What?" I asked, trying to sound innocent.

"Nothing," she laughed. She started to leave but stopped. She leaned in and whispered, "You should tell him."

"What?" I pulled away, stuttering. She winked, sending me a knowing look before walking off towards the hair and makeup trailer. I blew my hair out of my face and turned around, heading back to the costume trailer.

"Wait, Y/N! Come back!" I stopped and turned around with a laugh when I saw Wes trying to catch me.

"Yes?" I laughed.

"Will you help the boys with their guard uniforms? Specifically the masks?" He asked as he pointed towards set.

I sent him a playful salute as I walked over to where Dylan, Thomas, and Will were getting ready for their next scene.

"Y/L/N!!!"

I laughed as Will ran up, wrapped me in a hug, picking me off my feet, and spun me around.

"Alright," I laughed. I sighed as he finally put me down. "Nice to see you too, Will."

"Y/N?" Thomas said, walking towards me with the ski/guard mask in his hand. "Would you mind helping me with this?"

"Of course," I said, taking the mask from him. I stretched it out and positioned it on my hands so it would be easier to slip over his head. Without any problems or accidental injuries, I got the mask positioned correctly on his head.

"Thanks," Thomas smiled at me. I nodded, smiling back. I looked over my shoulder at Will and walked over to help him reposition his mask.

"I don't know why Wes was so worried you guys wouldn't be able to. . ." Before I could finish my sentence, Dylan cleared his throat.

"Ummm, Y/N?" I turned around and covered my mouth when I saw Dylan struggling to put the guard mask over his face.

"Guess I spoke too soon," I said softly, making Thomas and Will laugh. "Here," I laughed as I walked over to him. "Let me help you."

He had somehow put the mask on sideways, only half of his face being seen through the whole. I debated before just pulling the whole thing off.

"Thanks," he sighed. "Now I can breathe." I bit my bottom lip as I repositioned his mask correctly on his face.

"How does that feel?" I asked slowly as I pulled it down a little more and fixed the fabric above his eyes. "Is that okay?"

"Yep," he said popping the p. "Besides my ears being pressed to my head, feels good."

"It's supposed to feel like that," I laughed as I repositioned the seam so it wouldn't be seen. "Sorry," I playfully shrugged as I took a step back. I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, my cheeks burning as he stared at me.

"I'll umm. . . I'll let you guys get back to work." Before they could say anything, I quickly turned on my heel and walked away.

I closed the trailer door, leaned my back against it and took a few much needed calming breaths.

"What is wrong with me?" I scolded myself. "Why do I always get so jittery around him? He's just a person. A talented, funny, sweet, gorgeous person."

I slowly slid down the door, my butt hitting the ground as I let out a defeated sigh. "I swear, that boy is going to be the death of me."

                       * * * * *

I'm not sure how filming was going. All I knew was I was super-focused on the garment I was sewing. I jumped when I heard a knock on the trailer door.

"Come in," I called out as I turned down the music I had playing. I bit my lip when Dylan walked in.

"Hey, Y/N."

"Oh," I cleared my throat. "Hey, Dylan. Is there something wrong with your costume?"

I stood up to check the guard uniform he was still wearing but stopped when he let out a small laugh.

"You know, there are other reasons why I would come see you."

"Really?" I joked. "Why?"

Dylan sent me a look as he sat on the stool I had people stand on when I measured them or fixed their outfit. "So, what do you need me to fix on your uniform?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest and smirking at him.

"I didn't come here for you to fix something on my. . ." He stopped talking when he saw the knowing look on my face. "Fine," he sighed. "The guys and I were hanging out on set. . ."

"Which means you guys were messing around and it went too far," I corrected, with a knowing smirk.

"Maybe," he elongated. "Anyway, the next thing I knew there was a crash, a fall, and a rip."

"Where?" I laughed.

"The shirt," he cringed. I shook my head, laughing, as I turned around to grab him a shirt to change into. I turned back towards him, sucking in a breath when I saw Dylan shirtless.

My cheeks burned as I struggled to look anywhere else but at his toned chest.

"Wow, American Assassin was good for you," I mumbled. My eyes widened when I realized that came out of my mouth. I quickly turned back around, pretending to busy myself.

"What was that?"

I let out a sigh of relief when he didn't hear what I said. "Umm. . . I asked where the rip was."

"It's along one of the pockets in the front."

I turned around, my eyes widening when I remembered he was shirtless. I opened and closed my mouth, unable to form words.

"Here," I stuttered when I finally found my voice. "You can wear this while I fix your shirt."

"Thanks." He sent me his show-stopping smile as he took the shirt from my hand. I smiled awkwardly before taking his shirt and walking over to my sewing machine.

I looked up, my eyes widening when I noticed Dylan still in the room. "Oh, umm. . . You don't have to stay. I can bring it to you when I'm done."

"I don't mind," he shrugged as he dragged a chair over to my sewing table. "Besides, I don't have another scene until later and I'd rather spend time with you than with the new interns who never seem to leave me alone."

"Wow, I'm honored." I joked, making him laugh. I felt my cheeks turn red as he stared at me. I cleared my throat before examining the rip.

The pocket on the left was hanging on by one side. I rummaged through my drawer and pulled out a seam ripper. I slowly began to cut through the remaining thread.

"What are you doing?" Dylan asked. I looked up to see him watching me.

"I'm taking off the pocket. The fabric was ripped so I'll need to sew a whole new pocket on." I explained.

"Oh," he said under his breath. "Sorry."

"For what?" I asked as I tossed the pocket into my box of scraps.

"For making you have to start all over."

"I don't have to start all over. I just need to cut and sew on another pocket. It'll take like, six minutes." I stopped talking when I noticed a weird look on his face. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said with a small laugh as he shook his head. "It's just. . . You seem so confident with all of this stuff."

"Yeah, well, I didn't go to Fashion School for nothing." I cringed when that came off sounding weird.

"There's a fashion school?" He asked. I couldn't help but laugh as he tilted his head like a confused puppy.

"Yep," I said popping the p. "Just like there is an acting school. The one I went to is back in LA. It's the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising or FIDM."

"That's really cool. What did you major in?"

"Fashion Design and Theatre Costume Design."

"Both?" He asked. He followed me as I stood up and walked over to my walls of fabric. I got the one I used for their shirts and carried it over to the cutting table, Dylan still following me.

"Yeah," I said as I laid out about a 1/2 yard of the fabric. I smoothed it out as I added, "I doubled majored."

"What made you decide to double major?" He stood on the other side of the cutting table as I took the white pencil that I always kept behind my ear and drew out the size of the pocket onto the fabric.

I cleared my throat as I put the pencil back behind my ear. Why was he asking me all these questions? No one has ever taken this much interest in my schooling. Or even what I do. I'm usually just the costume girl.

That is until I started working on the Maze Runner movies. This was the first cast to interact with me more than just when they needed an alteration or a button resewn on. This cast actually talks to me.

Even though I've worked on these movies since the first one, the actors haven't actually sat down and watched me while I worked like Dylan was right now. It was nice. Weird, but nice.

"Well, I didn't plan on it at first. One day, the nearby high school's theatre department came to some of the higher up Fashion Design classes and asked for a few volunteers to help with their theatre production. I had some extra time and the school was willing to pay, so I decided why not? I ended up really enjoying making the crazy costumes and watching the students perform in them."

I looked up at him, scissors in hand, to see him watching me with a small smile on his face. I quickly went back to cutting out the pocket, hoping to hide my red cheeks.

I set the cutout piece of fabric to the side and carefully rewrapped the large spool of fabric. I was about to carry it back to the shelf when Dylan jumped up and stood in front of me. Without a word and a smile on his face, he grabbed the fabric from me and walked over to the shelf.

"That's really cool, Y/N." He said as he put the fabric back. "How come you went to a trade school instead of a normal university?" His eyes widened as he turned back towards me within wide eyes. He quickly added, "Not that I'm judging or anything. I'm just curious."

"Well," I said, wiping my suddenly clammy hands on my jean shorts. "I took a sewing class in high school and really fell in love with it. Plus, I've never wanted to spend my life sitting behind a desk or in some boring job where I can't be creative."

I bit my bottom lip when I saw the strange way he was looking at me. "Why are you staring at me like that?" I asked softly before I could stop myself.

"I just. . . You really love your job, don't you?"

"Of course I do," I said. "Don't you?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "I just. . . There's something about the way you talk about what you do. It's nice."

I didn't know what to say so I just smiled. I grabbed the piece of fabric and walked over to my sewing machine. I laid out his shirt and grabbed my pincushion. I smoothed out the fabric before putting the new pocket where it was meant to go. I tried to ignore Dylan's presence as I pinned the pocket into place.

"You're really good at this," he whispered. I jumped at his voice suddenly behind me. When I jumped, I pushed the pin too far, making it go into my finger. I sucked in a breath and bit my lip.

"Oh shit," Dylan mumbled. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said. I looked at my finger and sighed. "It's nothing," I started to say, but he grabbed my hand and started examining my thumb.

"Really, Dylan, it's nothing." I tried to reassure him as he looked up at me, still holding my hand in his. "I can't tell you how many times I've accidentally pricked myself."

We stood like that, close together, him holding my hand, neither one of us saying anything. When I realized how long we had been standing like that, I gently pulled my hand out of his grasp and turned back to my sewing machine. I sat down and started sewing the pocket in place.

"There," I said as I cut off the excess thread.  "All finished."

I stood up to hand him his shirt but gasped as I instantly bumped into him. My cheeks burned when I noticed my hands were pressed to his bare chest. He looked down at me, not saying anything.

"Y/N?" He whispered. Knowing my voice would fail me, I simply hummed. I sucked in a breath as he reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, his hand lingering on my cheek.

My breath quickened as he leaned down, my heart jumping into my throat as I felt his lips gently press against my own. After a little hesitation, my eyes fluttered closed and I started kissing him back. He let go of my cheek and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me closer. I slowly slid my hands up his chest, wrapping my arms around his neck as our lips continued to move in sync.

We pulled away when neither one of us could breathe. He pressed his forehead to mine as we caught our breaths.

"What was that for?" I whispered, not pulling away.

"That was for the girl I've had a crush on since my very first costume fitting."

I let out a small laugh as he leaned back and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. We looked into each other's eyes, neither one of us saying anything. I watched as he slowly leaned down and pressed another kiss to my lips, shorter than the first.

"Y/N?" He hummed as he pulled away. I bit my lip, my head feeling a little foggy from the kiss.

He opened his mouth to say something, but we jumped when there was a knock on the trailer door. I looked down and blushed at his bare chest.

"Here," I whispered as I handed him his shirt. "Come in," I called out after he had slipped his shirt over his head.

"Hey, Y/N. Have you seen Dylan? He was supposed to come in and have you fix his shirt," Wes said as he walked in, looking down at something on his phone.

"Yeah," I laughed. "I just finished it." I pointed at Dylan who was awkwardly standing to the side. He raised his hand and waved at Wes, making him look between the two of us.

"Okay," he shrugged as he turned on his heel and left. As the door shut behind him, Dylan and I started laughing.

"I felt like a teenager almost getting caught in his girlfriend's room after curfew."

I felt my cheeks burn as he looked over at me when he said, "girlfriend." I looked away from his gaze, a blush on my cheeks.

"Well," I said clearing my throat. "I should. . . I should let you get back to it."

I stood up and walked over to the clothes rack, mindlessly thumbing through the garments I had to hem, take in, or finish sewing. I turned around and gasped when Dylan was standing directly behind me.

"I was going to ask you something before Wes interrupted us," he said, his voice soft and low.

"What?" I asked, my voice getting caught in my throat. He smirked down at me and pressed his lips to mine. I instantly started moving my lips against his. We pulled away, breathless.

"Can I take you out sometime?" He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. I smiled up at him, the butterflies in my stomach going crazy.

"I'd like that."

[delicatebluebirdruins]

Shadow and Bone

This will contain spoilers (duh) some names being forgotten and its going to get long and some context less chaos

I hope i got the image ids right

Episode one (23rd April)

- ahh so the Fold= Dark Island form VoDT but with less summoning of monsters?

ID: Ben Barnes holding onto the wheel of a boat

- Many smol beans

Brief interlude with Nausicaa Valley of the Wind

Episode 1 cont. up to midway episode 7 (24th)

- magical brown trouser time my good sir

- buddies!!

- they’re not going to leave Alina alone to her existential crisis are they?

That tent looks like a circus tent to me and I have no idea why

- hmm hello completely innocent fallen branch

me: turns to sis and asks if we can we take brief intermission for this headbanger (which we did)

Turns out our brief intermission for the song was useless because after pressing play again it started buffering

we were talking about it and Dad misheard it as shaggy bone

Imagine the darkling but in pastels and black lace

- how the flipping heck can you fake bleeding light

- do you want to get lost Alina?

On Ben Barnes beard: 50% hot damn and 50% fight me (the way he tilts his head in this makes us want to hit him in the jugular)

Episode 3

- ooh look at the stag

- i love the bathroom

- damn Nina

- I wish Alina had time to get some magic tips but oh well

- replays Ben Barnes saying Moya Tsarieta twice

- how?! (Look I told you there was going to be bits where the context is tricky to pin point)

- i love the goat

- oh Jesper

- blue and gold is a great colour combination

- about the dinner scene: if this were me it would be the very rare time I stand up for myself

+ I want to add a small thing about the food taster... one is dream job/ i like him/ and imagine a taster eating something and it goes down the wrong way

- yes Jesper hug the goat- and

ID: a man with his thumb up gif from The Hunger Games; with him saying “nice shooting sweetheart” but I couldn’t find a gif of him saying it

- true north? I am never going to be free of bellarke am I?

- oh that hurts

Episode 4

- “our saint has arrived to late” 🤧

- ohh the stag is so pretty

- horses!!!

- time for a heist- i love this goat

- aww wishing fountain bonding

- the darking is growing on me

- i love Mikhail and Dubrov

- I love what we get to see of Nadia and Marie and Kaz and Inej and Jesper and basically everyone

- i love a heist (this isnwhat the hobbit should of been but you know with more dragons

- Mal is baby

- poor Nina

- ah ha a vicious cycle against the Grisha and Fjerdan

- I thought Arkens reaction was a bit odd

- oh Alina sweet heart- flashback time

- the map room is a aesthetic- using Aleksanders own words against him

That shot of the two of them is great

- poor Alina

- yas queen

- oh the stag!

- oh the machine gun; Mal poor buddy and of course flashback time

- i knew she was going to get the scar removed

Episode 5

- poor Mal

- Nadia is me

- Genya is amazing

- hi David and great minds think alike Alina (i had the same expression on my face when they were flirting)

- oh the creepy masks had a purpose

- “you’re not Ivan” you don’t say

- aand height difference... this first kiss is kind of weird to me

- oh Jesper you flirt

- I’m sorry firey people you’re going to be outshined

- Inej is so beautiful

- Dima?!?!

ID: two people from a scene in the Anastasia Musical the song My Petersburg

- what is the librarians dudes problem?

- Genya you badass... poor Marie (does Alina learn about this?? It would probably be forgotten just like her causing the death of her fellow mapmakers)

- I love the costumes

- Tofin (Idk his name) we don’t know you sorry you’re dead

- oh the kissing

ID: a gif showing two people kissing

- and him giving her the flowers is kind of cute but where did they come from?

- *pinched nose* I hate cryptic messages Baghra... holy shit... i mean I kinda knew he was immortal but still holy shit

- oh Kaz... Inej! Collect your bloody knives

- *snorting* The crows being sent to kidnap Alina and Jesper just watching her climb into the getaway carriage will always be hysterical (i personally would be laughing and thats why anything involving stealth is off the cards for me)

Episode 6

- rest in pieces Arken

- Alina broke Inej

- I love Ivan (remember the thing i said about forgetting names/ getting them mixed up? This is it.. I love Feydor a lot more than Ivan but they are both so cute together)

- my heart will go on starts playing?

- i like that horse statue in the background

- i love the beach... look at those waves... the wet look is great

- you done mess up Alina but also cool

- Mal is burly squid

- “burly squid” wheezing nosies

- now hug

- Kaz I love the cane

- “I see you now” aww

- I knew they were going to snuggle... those cute laughs

- the alarm clock though... i knew Inej should have taken the knife... i love Jesper... poor Inej... clever boy Kaz

- does it hurt? Mal? Does it hurt?

I have a habit at picking at things that hurt and well fictional characters aren’t safe from me wanting to poke something painful

- ride OR die bitches

- aand more height differences... getting very close there guys... Matthias please don’t let her fall.... they are kind of cute

- David through a book... 😂 they carriage jacked the Darkling

- David raising his hand is me... but damn it

- Alina is amazing... please remember you’re wearing the ring... Mal is best boy

- “adorable” snorting noises

Episode 7

- horsey!!!

- ahh the return of the VoDT hair (see first gif)

- Luda is familiar...

- yikes

- poor Aleksander being turned into a pincushion is not a great time

- poor Luda

- holy shit

- rock and hard place

- fuck off Baghra

- he wanted to help 😔

- ah so its like the hollow from Charmed

Image ID: gif from the og Charmed with text saying “ohhh she’s a demon!”

- this shot is beautiful... ah so I guess this could have been what happened if Caspian resurrected the White Witch... i guess

- hi stag.... oh okay 😔 poor Stag poor Mal

Flashbacks to Cinderella and Snow White (the one with Krisien Sterwart) natually it follows along with Snow White

- *squishie noises* poor Jesper... we love you Jesper but please stop talking to Inej just in case she sews her finger to the wound

- i love the crows and i love the chat about the crows

Buffers

The next day (25th) episode continued

- David looks so sad

- personally I would downsize the fold just as reminder of it

- that looks like that hurt

- I love Milo and Jesper 💖

- don’t look at it Alina... Genya is right that colour is horrible... tell her off Alina... poor Genya

- I think Jesper had fun playing a guard

- I knew the Darkling read the letters

Sister: why does he look like Tom Ellis right now?

- oh Mal

- blow dart... lol Kaz

- Milo!?! Oh the bullet you clever boy Mal

- i like the tent... he’s not wrong... we want to play with that dangly bit... oh the angst

- I thought you looked older (idk context)

- I love the outfit but couldn’t the necklace be anywhere else?

- “no mourners no funerals”

- I love the music

Episode 8

- I don’t trust that opening

- me too Crows, me to... how could you not know who Milo is

- I love Nina and Matthias so much... they are so pretty... I am not a fan of taxidermy... oh his name is Feydor sorry we kept getting you mixed up

- God damnit Kirigan.. a not so sneaky Mal... the honorary Crow... pick a side already darkling... Sun Queen?... did anybody notice her being tied down?... Good Mal and good Inej

- Jesper is amazing... so much death... bad bitch Zoya... I love Inej kissing the knife and nailing the Darkling with it... head shot... hello buddy??... this music though... badass Alina... fucking Ivan... holy shit and of course music is amazing

+ brave Kaz

- Inej and Alina bonding time... hugs? No hugs ☹️

- he offered her his hand 😞... Inej wants to hug... finally some hugs... Zoya has grown on me... i love Kanej (is that the ship name)

- Matthias oh no buddy... hill house flashbacks

- i love Jesper so much... Nina going “someone say heartrender??”

Image ID: someone turning around and raising eyebrows at camera

- Kaz saying “she’s a saint” made my heart happy

- I doubt the Darkling is dead...... i was right

- well shit/ coolness of making shadow monsters follow you (please let there be a flashback for this)

Bonus

+ imagine of Matthias and Nina decide to sleep rather than get food and were caught cuddling by the Grisha... I thought of this as I was getting into bed that night and i got up ran to my sister told her my thought she found the idea funny then went back to bed

+ people who own trains are evil?? Looks at snowpiercer

Bonus: the soundtrack is on spotify and itunes

Image id: someone bobbing along with headphones on

[hillbillied]

i found your post about andy and eddie's kinks from a couple of years ago and i was just wondering do you have any updated thoughts?

firstly, thank you anon!! I love writing these two!!

secondly fuck, I left this ask in the ‘box for a while because, double fuck, I couldn’t think of any kinks I hadn’t included in the OG post!! I am very sorry for the delay!

(I had to read through them to check, still crispy if I do say so... let’s see what else we can get in there. god I could go on a whole bunch more about the ones from the OG post lmao my fave losers in love having great sex!)

The Secret Kinks of Andrew Haldane and his Lieutenant, Edward Jones (pt.II)

(highly nsfw, 18+ only)

I’m gonna rag on Andy’s exhibitionism kink a little louder than before because it’s so embarrassing. going to the cinema is a chore because Andy doesn’t have the patience for long movies and he really can’t get behind anything that’s not a really fucking hilarious comedy or a truly gripping drama. anything even a little lacklustre (most of what’s on in the 50s) has his gaze wondering elsewhere

the amount of times Eddie has been enjoying his movie experience (he loves movies, btw, he didn’t get to go to many as a kid – think Gunny-level attention in the scene where the marines are watching For Whom the Bell Tolls) and suddenly a hand is brushing his knee. he can’t help but roll his eyes because Andy, good lord, can’t you enjoy the plot for five-fucking-minutes?

luckily for Andy, he’s got a semi-indulgent boyfriend or at least a condoning one; either Eddie will lift his longs legs and put them over Andy’s lap, teasing him with the weight whilst simultaneously giving him some cover to enjoy himself (in no relation to the movie) – or, if he’s feeling generous and equally turned on, he’ll give his stupid fucking would-be husband a hand so he can go back to his popcorn. Eddie’s got skilled fingers and only makes eye contact with his flustered, heavy-breathing boyfriend in scathing glances to show his “disapproval”

car sex is as normal to the two of them as breathing. it started fairly uncreative and vanilla, just screwing in the one long seat of Hillbilly’s pickup. it’s a little on the tight side but Eddie’s more flexible than many would believe. Andy loves having two hands just under his knees, pushing his thighs up against his chest so he can fuck him nice and deep. it has Eddie’s toes curling and his teeth gritted and colourful curses dripping out the cracked window (no AC means a real sweaty cab)

that, or Hillbilly will be riding Andy passenger side. he likes smoking in his car and he likes riding Ack Ack’s cock, so this is a win-win scenario. the leverage from the seat means he can light up while rolling his hips, humming around the cigarette. it’s an erotic sight for sure; Andy has to cover his eyes with his hand while laughing out a breathless “shit, Eddie…”

romantic evenings include soft kisses and mutual handjobs in the truck bed, after giving up on star gazing. less romantic evenings include parking somewhere discreet (or… not, because Andy’s exhibitionism is a nightmare and the 60s were pretty wild) to get them both out on the road. there’s sweaty handprints on the hood where Andy has Eddie bent over it, pinned between his chest and hot metal. it’s some of the hardest, roughest sex they have, and Andy usually uses Eddie’s t-shirt for leverage, something to twist into an psudo-harness to pull him back against his dick. Hillbilly likes to growl out threats – “you stain m’ car, Andy, I’ll fuckin’ kill you” – but it’s all a ruse to cover how there’s sweat dripping from his curls and how his pants for air are turning into moans and how he’s the one staining the tire where he’s cum, hard enough to have him flat out over the hood and gasping

this is all while the car is parked, of course. Andy loves giving Eddie head while he’s driving. it’s lucky Hillbilly’s had to drive bigger, scarier machines than a Ford, honestly. his disapproval (fake, every time) is portrayed where he grabs Andy’s hair and forces his cock down his throat. “Cop car” he’ll say, “gotta stay down”. he’s a lying sack of shit but it’s worth the sin to glance down at Andy when he lets him pull back, spittle running from his tongue and his coughing turning to a gasp then a moan in quick succession. it’s really difficult for Eddie not to grin super wide and push Andy’s head back down for more

(side note: Andy’s a service top so he gives great head, none of this fake dom shit. they each say the other gives it better because they are both weak for one another and stupidly in love)

gags become a thing after a while. Andy is an expert at introducing/asking about bedroom ideas without being condescending and he knows he has to decipher Eddie’s interest without it sounding like he wants him to shut the fuck up. (he does not, he loves everything that comes out of Hillbilly’s mouth, from stone-cold threat to lazy joke to breathless groan)

but a thing they do become. (it starts with Andy shoving a couple of fingers in Eddie’s mouth to “keep quiet”, an old familiar trick from the war, and it snowballs from there) so the next time Andy’s bent over Eddie, facing him and maybe got his hands pinned above his head, and Eddie decides to let off a quip, Ack Ack stops. slows his motions and pretends to think, then reaches for his master plan. the first time, it’s just fabric, shoved into Hillbilly’s mouth. his pink cheeks (from semi-annoyance or embarrassment, not sure) and deep frown and almost-offended stare are fucking priceless

(Andy buys a proper gag, one Eddie can bite down on. one he can grab the back of and pull Hillbilly’s head back with so he can kiss his neck, tell him how fucking hot his moans are when they’re all he can make)

collars slip in there somewhere. they’re not sure where that came from but there’s a suspicion it may have come from the wholesome conversation about adopting a dog (which they both want to do they’re just terrified of going to pick one and falling in love with more and then what are they gonna do?? have fifty dogs?? but I digress)

Andy’s not one to be embarrassed of his sex purchases but he was definitely scratching his neck when he bought it. luckily, his boyfriend can read him like a goddamn book. the man likes being in control, sure, dominating the room in his own masterful way, definitely – that doesn’t change the look of complete adoration that takes Andy’s features when Eddie buckles the collar around his neck

it fits well with Andy’s orgasm denial kink. he doesn’t do it to Eddie much (he’s got enough kinky shit he can do to him) but Hillbilly definitely does it to him. it’s a treat to test Andy’s self-restraint and not with any bondage. Eddie’s a very patient man, used to unfulfilling sex prior to Ack Ack, so he’s got all the time in the world. he loves making Andy wait, teasing him with a grip around the base of his cock. he gets a cock ring for him later, when his tight grip isn’t cutting it anymore

there’s nothing better than watching Andy’s thighs tremble, sat on his own hands on a chair, desperately keeping his cool while Hillbilly carefully lowers himself onto his cock (Eddie uses that collar to get him to look him in the eye)

they usually can’t be bothered with food play (“Food is f’ eatin’, Andrew, not wastin’.”) but there’s occasional things. Andy has a tendency to take Eddie’s fingers in his mouth and lick them clean, whether from an accidental or purposely spillage. he doesn’t really care what’s on them so long as it’s edible and he can watch Hillbilly’s lip curl watching him

Eddie’s definitely done a “spillage” of his own once or twice. except his are obvious, just how he likes them; he’ll straight up pour a splash of beer on his dick and invite Andy to come lap it up. his house, his rules and all. Andy always obliges

Eddie gives a great spit ‘n shine to boots, Andy’s found. he loves demanding Eddie get on his knees and do the daily duties he learned as a marine, making sure his captain’s uniform is in order. (slightly funny if Ack Ack’s not wearing anything but his boots while saying it, but he can live with that) having Hillbilly look up at him – “Like this, Skipper?” - as he runs his tongue across the leather is more than worth it

Eddie likes tearing open clothes, though he feels really, really bad about it. it’s obvious it turns him on because Andy loses a lot of shirt buttons over the years. (they sew them back on together, which is nice, gotta know how to mend and make do. Eddie actually knows a lot about cross stitch and Andy adores learning from him)

one time Andy’s waving his ass Eddie’s way, has been for a whole morning whilst they were gardening, potting flowers, weeding the lawn, working, Andy, we’re busy – so it’s just been a build up of hard-ons and no time to deal with them. and they’re wearing old clothes for the task, threadbare jeans. (that used to be Eddies, even the ones on Andy’s ass) so when Hillbilly finally presses up against Andy, bites his ear, and grabs his pants with both hands - he just pulls. they tear open and Andy feels Eddie shudder against him (shortly before he feels Hillbilly’s cock pushing inside him but that’s just a massive bonus)

Andy’s an indulgent boyfriend so he buys underwear and pants on the cheap and waves them Eddie’s way. the “rippables” as he calls them. made to be ripped, end of. no hard feelings, good riddance to them

I said they were too lazy for bondage because they can just pin each other and I stand by it; it remains a special thing. one of the ‘hardcore’ things, like the belt and gun play. mainly because, while they can actually pin each other down quite effectively with limited wiggle room, there’s still the ability to y’know, headbutt each other. because they’re also both trained in how to flip a guy that grabs you. fatally, if need be

so tying Eddie up (Andy’s always been down to be tied up, blindfolded, etc. by Eddie because he trusts literally one man in the whole world and it’s Edward Jones) is a big thing. because Eddie has had to fuck people up who tried to fight him and his brute strength is what’s gotten him through (finding something capable of realistically holding him is also a struggle in sexual hilarity because fuck, it’s gotta be thick rope or actual police handcuffs)

when Andy asks him about it (and presents the short length of rope he went for because he couldn’t find handcuffs yet) Eddie immediately says yes. because he trusts Andy completely. but he also says not tonight and not every night and not any time he can see it coming. if he works himself up about it, he’ll embarrass himself

when it does happen (Andy’s can read him right back, he knows when), Eddie ends up with his hands tied behind his back. he jokes about Ack Ack’s poor navy knotwork and gets a laugh back. then Andy slow bends him over the bed. that’s all Eddie thought he’d do, which isn’t a bother, long legs are still able to roll away. until Andy kneels down below him, caressing his thigh lovingly, and nudges his legs open. Eddie ends up standing bent over on the mattress with each ankle tied to a leg of their heavy bed frame

it’s a lot but Andy takes his time, kisses his way up from Eddie’s calf all the way to the back of his neck, keeping a hand pressed to his inner thigh. the tremble there is aroused and overwhelmed all in one. the first time, Ack Ack just enjoys giving his boyfriend a nice, slow handjob, supporting himself over Hillbilly so he can feel his weight. it’s amazing to have Eddie coming apart under him, whispering for more until he gets a shaking orgasm, biting the sheets to try and cover how loud he whimpers (it’s too much for Andy, too, and he cums just from rubbing between Eddie’s thighs)

Andy’s trademark aftercare is as excellent as ever and they sit together with some tea on the bed, listen to the radio, Eddie leaning against his chest with two loving arms around him. he asks if next time Ack Ack will fuck him and naturally, Andy just says “if you want me to” while kissing his temple. Hillbilly wipes his face and asks “please”

[missmalice202]

Designing Your Melody: Chapter 09 - Letters

Chapter 01 - Chapter 08

With less than three weeks to go until Paris’s Fall Fashion Week, Marinette was surprisingly relaxed. After her initial fittings with both Adrien and Juleka, she had been sewing non-stop in preparation for her first major fashion show of her career. A select few of her pieces had been featured in shows and competitions before, but this was to be her official debut of “Designs by Marinette” and she couldn’t be more excited… or more terrified.

So far, she had been making amazing progress completing her collection. Most of Adrien’s looks were finished. It had been a big help that his measurements over the years hadn’t changed much, so a lot of the clothing she had made hadn’t needed much altering to fit the slender model to perfection. She really was fortunate to have such a good friend in Adrien. The advice and behind the scenes knowledge of Fashion Week he had shared with her made her confident that she was mentally prepared for her show. Admittedly, she still had had a panic attack or two due to the immense pressure she was putting on herself, but for her, that was significant progress from the absolute mess she used to be in high school. Yay for maturity! She giggled as she thought that maybe her online screen name may have rubbed some of its good luck onto her.

Carefully hanging up a meticulously packed garment bag on the portable clothing rack she had purchased for the show, she looked at her tablet once more and checked off another item on her “Fashion Week Collection Pieces” checklist.

Setting her tablet down on her sewing table, she heard the alarm on her phone begin to chime. Brow furrowed, she walked over to where it lay next to her computer, still attached to the charger. Why had she set an alarm? She couldn’t remember if she had to do anything today. Later in the morning she was expecting a delivery from the fabric store that she had ordered the lining for Juleka’s final look from, but she wouldn’t have set an alarm to remind her of that.

Upon reading the text on screen accompanying the alarm, Marinette gasped. How could she possibly forget? She had an appointment to meet with the producer of her fashion show to go over music and a few last-minute details at 11:00am. She had thirty minutes to get to the venue on time and no time to call and reschedule the delivery of her material.

Shoving her feet into her pink ballet flats, she hastily tugged the pencil she had used to hold her midnight locks in a messy bun out of her hair and raced over to her vanity mirror. After a quick finger comb to smooth out any obvious kinks, she hastily tied her hair back into her signature pigtails. She grabbed her purse, stuffed her phone inside, and was down the trap door.

She stopped at the counter where her mother was taking care of customers to ask her mother to tell the delivery boy to take her package up to her room when he arrived to drop it off. She wanted to be extra careful with the expensive material she had ordered to be the showpiece of her collection. And frankly, she didn’t want a trace of flour to mar the beautiful deep purple satin she had chosen for her masterpiece.

With a kiss blown to her mom over her shoulder and a shouted “Au revoir” to her papa, Marinette was out the door, disappearing down the street in a blur before the door closed behind her.

-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-

Pedaling down the street with his guitar safely stowed away on his bike, Luka once again checked the GPS on his phone to make sure he was going to the right address.

A few minutes ago, while he had been sitting in the park, noodling on his guitar, he had gotten a text from the courier service he worked for, VeloPostal, asking him to make a pickup and delivery. He’d sent a reply text that he accepted the job, packed up his guitar and set out on his way to the specialty textile store, Brocade, to pick up a bolt of fabric that was to be delivered to a bakery of all places. Why a bakery would want expensive fabric, Luka could only wonder. To each their own, he supposed.

After he signed for the delivery, he secured the large bold of fabric to the back of his bike and once again brought up the job description on the phone. For the first time, he noticed the name of the bakery he was to make the delivery to: Tom & Sabine’s Boulangerie and Patisserie, the very same bakery that Juleka had brought home those delicious pastries from.

The corner of his mouth turned up in a small smile as he thanked his luck on this job. Ever since he had eaten their delicious confections, he had been meaning to track down that bakery so he could get some more, but between working for the delivery service and putting up with Jagged and Mr. Roth’s antics, he just hadn’t had the time to scour the city in search of tasty treats. But today was apparently his lucky day.

With renewed enthusiasm, he pushed himself to go faster to arrive at the bakery. Parking his bike against the pale limestone wall of the bakery, he gently removed the bundle of cloth from the back of his bike and entered the building.

Immediately, he was surrounded by the delicious scent of freshly baked bread and hot, sweet icing. The bell over the door announced his arrival and behind the counter, a pretty little Asian woman looked around the customer she was currently serving and smiled at him.

“I’ll be right with you, dear.” Her voice was lyrical in its clarity, having a sweet tone to it and an almost breathless quality to it. He smiled at her and crossed over the black and white tiled floor to the display case. As he gazed upon its offerings, he completely forgot his reason for being there. The sparkling glass shelves were filled to the brim with an assortment of flaky pastries, berry topped cakes, multi-colored macaroons, and even a triple layer chocolate cake, a hefty wedge missing from where it had already been sampled by the masses. Mouth watering at the appetizing food on the other side of the glass, he gripped the package he was supposed to deliver closer to his chest to keep himself from caressing the glass in a somewhat obscene manner.

“Can I help you, sweetie,” the woman behind the counter asked sweetly.

Jerking his head to snap out of his reverie, Luka reluctantly pulled his eyes away from the display of delicacies and focused his marine eyes on the woman. “I’m with VeloPostal with a delivery from Brocade,” he said.

Eyes falling to the plastic wrapped package in his arms, the woman’s mouth bowed in a smile. “Ah yes, My daughter mentioned that she was expecting a delivery.” She wiped her hands on the apron covering her front and walked around the counter to stand in front of him. His lips quirked as he observed how much short she was compared to him.

She gazed up at him and tilted her head slightly. “I wonder if I could trouble you for a small favor. Would you be so kind as to bring that up to my daughter’s room?”

Luka hesitated. It was usually frowned upon to enter a customer’s home and he didn’t want to get in trouble with his employer.

“I understand that it’s a strange request, but I have to watch the register and Tom is in the back getting an order ready. I’d leave it down here in the bakery, but unfortunately, flour and dark fabric just do not mix well. My daughter asked me before she left to have you bring it up to her room.” She tilted her head in the other direction and looked up at him with eyes sparkling with humor. “If there are any issues, I’ll take full responsibility.”

He thought about it for a moment. “I’ll tell you what, if you can box me up a half dozen of those croissants and a slice of that fruit tart, then I’ll be a customer. There aren’t any rules about customers doing you any favors, is there?”

She blinked at him for a moment, before throwing her head back and laughing. “Oh, I like you.” She turned and walked back behind the counter and grabbed a box to pack his order into. “You’re funny. For doing me a favor, it’s on the house. That way, it’s a favor between friends.”

He grinned at her, nodding his head. “I like the sound of that. My name is Luka.”

“Enchantée, Luka. I’m Sabine. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she replied.

Introductions made, he followed her directions up the stairs and made his way to the top floor of the cozy little apartment. Upon entering the room on the other side of the trap door, the first thing he noticed was the chaos. Bits of fabric and scraps of paper were scattered all over the wood floor. It was made obvious that the room belonged to a seamstress, given the sewing machine in a place of honor in the middle of the room, surrounded by other bits and bobs of her craft.

He looked around to find a safe place to leave his cargo and he decided that the best place to leave it would be right on her worktable. Tiptoeing around the mess on the floor lest he unknowingly disrupt a vital piece of her creative process, he made his way to the table that was home to a green cutting mat and multiple other folded bits of fabric. He gently placed the bolt on top and turned to leave.

And froze. There, against the wall behind the trap door, was a pair of dress forms, one male, one female. The female form was unadorned, but he didn’t notice its naked state in his captivation.

On the male dress form was a work of art. A finely patterned blazed hung from the form’s broad shoulders. The black fabric of the garment shimmered with a nearly imperceptible pattern of vines and the lapels were made out of silk brocade patterned with ivy leaves the color of freshly cut grass. Asymmetrical pockets accented by the same brocade were detailed on the front, one pocket on the left hip, two on the right. Stepping closer to get a better look at the jacket, Luka noticed that the lapels sparkled with fine golden thread; tiny, hand-embroidered veins decorating the ivy leaves.

The construction of the garment reminds him of the design that had haunted him since the day he picked it up from under his boot. Looking up from the piece, he notices the drawings taped to her wall behind the forms which he assumes is for easy access to her designs when she’s working on the pieces.

Stepping closer, his heart stopped.

There, in the corner of every drawing, are three small letters: MDC. He reached his hand out to trace them before he realized what he was about to do. Here he is, in her private domain, invading her personal space. The tips of his ears color and he quickly withdrew his hand and shoved them both into his jacket pockets. After one last glance around her creative space, he descends the stairs into to bakery below.

Sabine – Mrs. Cheng – was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for him, his box of baked goods in her hands. “Thank you so much for bringing that up for me,” she said.

Once more embarrassed at almost losing his cool and touching her personal effects, Luka dragged his eyes away from her observing expression and trained them on the box she holds out for him to take.

“It’s no problem at all, Mrs. …” he trailed off, stretching the silence he hoped she’d fill.

Quirking an eyebrow, she smiled in response to his not-so-subtle inquiry. “Cheng. I kept my last name after I married my husband, Tom. This bakery has been passed down in his family, so our daughter’s last name is hyphenated so if she decides to take it over someday, it’ll still be a DuPain Bakery.”

He chuckled, walking with her as she returned to her spot behind the counter. “From what I saw upstairs, it looks like your daughter has another career path in mind.”

Sabine’s smile was blinding as she proudly said, “I know. My Marinette’s dream is to become a famous fashion designer. She’s well on her way, too.” She sighed. “My husband and I are so proud of her, but I know deep down Tom wishes she would take over the bakery when she gets older.” Shrugging her shoulders, she continues, “But I know that’s not where her heart lies.”

Nodding his head in understanding, Luka bids her adieu and leaves the bakery.

Now armed with her name, Marinette DuPain-Cheng (and some delicious, flaky pastries), he dons his helmet and pedals off down the road, more determined than ever to make the Tom & Sabine bakery a regular stop. Who knows? Maybe next time he’s in the mood for a croissant, he’ll run into Mademoiselle Marinette, his mystery muse.

-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-xXx-

Chapter 10

*Woohoo! He finally knows her name! yay! progress! But it’s not going to be that easy... or is it? Find out next time, my lovelies XOXO*

[tjkiahgb]

Episode Recap: 3.18, “Something to Talk A-Boot”

I got sent this almost immediately after people were able to stream the episode last night:

First of all, thank you, anon, for thinking of me.

But also, honestly? This entire episode feels like it was written specifically for me. TJ Kippen being a hashtag good boi? Check. A bunch of Tyrus scenes? Check. A couple of random, nonsense plots that I could make jokes about for days? Check and check!

The episode starts with Andi, Jonah, and Cyrus hanging out, waiting for Buffy.

Andi is dressed like she just walked out of a punk show in 1970s London for some reason.

Cyrus says Buffy’s on her way. She’s coming from an appointment. Andi’s like, but she’s not doing her hair until next week and Cyrus notes that she just had her teeth cleaned.

Jonah notes how they seem to know everything about Buffy and they’re like, yeah, we do.

And then Buffy comes hobbling over on crutches and with her foot in a boot and Andi and Cyrus look around in confusion.

So it’s that level of closeness where you know someone’s entire schedule but don’t pay attention to them complaining about their foot pain for weeks or notice them badly limping around places.

They ask her questions about this mystery injury. Buffy explains it’s a stress fracture she got because she tried to run a marathon on a dare.

Jonah asks her if she’s going to be able to still play basketball and Buffy’s like, yes...

And Jonah’s like, “Oh you know what I meant.”

At school the next day, Buffy walks the long way through the football field to class, when TJ shows up in a golf cart like an angel sent from the country club.

Buffy wants to know what he’s doing. He tells her he’s there to give her a ride to class, since apparently Jefferson offers no assistance to injured students.

“Can we offer a way to help incapacitated students get around the campus easier?” asks one of the teachers. “So they don’t risk further injury?”

“No, sorry,” says Metcalf, staring at rows and rows of hundreds of white rabbits locked in cages, each one labelled with the name of a student currently attending Jefferson. “There’s just no room in the budget.”

Buffy tells him how it stinks she hurt herself right before the last game of the season and now she can barely get around. So, he tells her, get in the golf cart already so he can get her to class. She does.

Making sure she uses a seatbelt on a vehicle that’s going no more than four miles per hour? I mean, talk about good behavior.

Later at the Spoon, Buffy talks about how far TJ has come. He used to be the worst but now he’s the best and, really, that’s like as far as you can go. That’s the whole span.

Cyrus is like, lemme just take this modeling pose...

...and put another point up on the scoreboard for the ol’ C-dog.

Behind them, Amber comes and dumps some girl’s food on the counter.

Andi notices and says it seems like Amber’s still struggling because she’s being a terrible waitress, but not in the normal way that she’s a terrible waitress.

Jonah’s like, you think this is my fault? Buffy’s like, I don’t think it’s an existential crisis. Jonah’s like, huh?

Well, sure, it could be that, but, if you’re not feeling artistic, it could also just be locking yourself in a dark room for several hours and crying. It could manifest a lot of different ways! Don’t limit your existential crises.

Amber comes over and asks to talk to Jonah.

Jonah apologizes for doing a bad job of breaking up but Amber doesn’t want to go back over all of that. She just wants one thing from Jonah: for him to leave. Don’t come to The Spoon because it makes her sad to see him.

And now it’s costing her money!

Jonah says he’ll go then. Amber says he won’t have to be gone for long, but also can’t really put a time frame on when he can come back.

I wonder how the owners of The Spoon are going to feel when they learn one of their waitresses banned a frequent customer from eating at their establishment.

Jonah tells the GHC that Amber needs some space, so he gathers his things and heads out into the cold.

At Bex’s, Bex and Bowie watch something funny on a really old TV.

It looks like one of those old microwave-sized boxy TVs with antennas and dials and everything from like the 1960s. One of these things:

The kind that’s technically a color TV, but only like four colors, and most of them have a brown tint. The kind that’s so grainy it looks like you’re watching everything through a coffee filter. The kind that emits the constant low-hum of radiation to let you know it’s working.

Where did they even find something like this? It’s older than they are. And how does it still work? I want to say this is the kind of thing you only find at your grandma’s house, but even grandmas got rid of this outdated scrap 30 years ago.

Also, why?!

I’m not exaggerating when I say nowadays there are literally thousands of better options for entertainment than stacking a bunch of tray tables on top of one another and putting a 10 inch screen, piece of junk on top. What point are they trying to prove?

Anyway, Andi’s upset, and not just because she lives with a couple of weirdos. She finished her application to SAVA but she doesn’t know if she’s going to submit it. She’s worried she might not be one of the small group who gets accepted. She asks Bex what she thinks.

Andi’s like, EXCUSE ME?!

Andi wanted her to say that she was talented and that she believed in her. Bex is like, of course I believe that! Haven’t I said that to you like hundreds of times? Andi’s like, well, you didn’t say it in the last thirty seconds so do you really??

Andi gets up to leave. Bex is like, hey, if they don’t accept you, it’s because they’re wrong and dumb! Andi’s like, OH SO YOU DON’T THINK THEY’RE GOING TO ACCEPT ME!?

Bex is taking a beating like a boxer on the ropes here. It’s like, why is everything I’m saying wrong?! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO SAY SO YOU DON’T GET MAD AT ME!

Bex says she wasn’t saying Andi wouldn’t get in.

Andi leaves.

Bowie’s gotta be sitting there going, “Boy, I made the right decision to just not say anything.”

He asks Bex why she didn’t just tell Andi she’ll get in.

It’s a tough line to toe. You want to be realistic with your children, and not set them up for an emotionally crushing blow by telling them “Get all your hopes up! Nothing can hurt you!” but you also don’t want to damage their self-esteem. You can see Bex battling with the nuance of the issue.

Or, as Andi would’ve heard it:

At school the next day, Cyrus finds TJ out on the bleachers. TJ’s been summoned to Student Court, which is where a group of students figure out your punishment for a wrongdoing.

Mr. Bag is forcing TJ to go because TJ took his beverage transportation machine.

Cyrus is like, but you were just being a hashtag good boi! And TJ’s like, I know! And now I’m being hashtag persecuted for it!

Cyrus, seeing an injustice, decides he’s going to be TJ’s lawyer. TJ tries to tell him that’s not a thing, but Cyrus is like, too late! Train’s already left the station! I’m off to steam my lawyer suit. And he leaves.

TJ watches him like, “Uh oh, maybe I gave him too much confidence.”

Andi, meanwhile, debates with herself as she stares at the SAVA website.

Okay, I mean, in fairness to Bex, Andi’s awards are first place at a “Sew and Show”(?) and an honorable mention at the County Fair, so, you know, I wouldn’t say she’s a lock to get in.

Also, I like SAVA’s go big or go home attitude. There’s no save progress button. Submit your application or delete the entire thing and get out. Don’t waste our time with half-measures!

Jonah stops by to terrify Andi.

For old times’ sake.

She slams her laptop closed. He asks her what she was working on but she doesn’t want to say yet. She just says she has to make a decision.

Jonah’s like, don’t say the d-word around me. You know I hate that word.

Andi explains how she doesn’t want to say what it is because it might not happen, and she doesn’t want to open up to people about something personal like this, something that she’s so unsure about. And then she’s like, but I guess you couldn’t possibly have any idea what I’m talking about, JONAH BECK.

Jonah’s like, actually, that’s been my life for three years now so...

Andi’s like, okay, without me telling you any details, what should I do?

Jonah says this is making her tense and nervous, so forget about it.

Andi’s like, really? Jonah’s like, yeah, don’t do anything you have trepidation about. Andi’s like, sounds good to me.

Lemme just warn you, kids, following this advice is going to severely confine how you’re able to move through the real world. The real world is nothing but things that stress you out.

Andi thanks Jonah for helping her out and tells him to go.

Jonah’s whole storyline this episode is about people telling him to leave places.

Jonah heads off. Andi opens up her laptop and finds...

...that conversation was all for naught. Honestly, this is what you get for asking Jonah for advice.

Buffy meets with Kaitlin. Kaitlin sees her broken foot and goes, welp, guess that’s it then. We have no chance to win our last game, which she sees as a shame because they were getting so close.

Question: where is she getting this hope from? Last time we saw the team, they were in such shambles that Andi had to play and they lost so badly, they had to resort to celebrating just being alive. Good for her though, for keeping the faith.

Buffy says they still have a shot, that the team is light years better than it was before. I guess that happened off-screen. Either that, or I guess it’s like saying you’re light years better now at driving a car than when you were a newborn. When you start at the bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up.

Plus, Buffy adds, she made a playbook.

Like, yeah, she’s been trying to teach them plays for months and they just kept running into each other, but now that it’s in graph form? How could they not succeed?

Kaitlin’s not feeling it. She doesn’t understand all these complicated dots and arrows and it won’t matter because it’ll never replace having Buffy on the court anyway.

At the trial of TJ Kippen, Gus calls the court to order.

I have to know, how in the world did Gus end up a judge? Who looked at Gus and thought, “There’s a guy who’s got his stuff in order, let’s put him in a position of power.”

Cyrus comes running to the stage, pulling several boxes of files behind him. TJ asks him what all of that is and Cyrus says evidence, but then he’s like...

Where do you even get phone books, plural, in 2019? There’s gotta be a store in Shadyside that’s just called Retro Junk and it sells things like 1960s TVs and phone books and only the characters on this show are keeping them in business.

Cyrus says it doesn’t matter because it’s an intimidation tactic anyway. He’s come to fight to make sure TJ’s not kicked off the basketball team.

Cyrus announces himself as TJ’s defense council. Gus is like, is that a thing? Let me consult with my voiceless co-judges.

Gus’s co-judges voicelessly agree to allow it. Gus says TJ is here to answer for his crime of “Grand Theft Golf Cart.”

Gus asks him to explain himself, so TJ and Cyrus launch into his defense, which boils down to this: he saw someone in need and he did something hashtag good because that’s who he is as a person, and, really, isn’t the real crime here that the school was going to punish an injured child for not being able to drag herself across campus in an unreasonable amount of time? How could any morally conscious person just sit idly by and let that happen?

Gus feels he and his co-judges have heard everything they needed to hear, but Cyrus disagrees. He thinks they all need to hear from a key witness: Cyrus Goodman. Cyrus grills himself.

Gus asks him to speed it up but TJ’s like, I think we have to let this play out.

Then, as his defense attorney continues to argue with himself, TJ tries to come to peace with the fact he’s going to jail.

At Buffy’s house, Buffy hangs out in her room when there’s a knock at the door.

It’s the entire girls’ basketball team.

They were wandering the neighborhood together and wanted to celebrate a season of losing all their games before they lose their last game and then don’t want to celebrate losing all their games anymore. I know that sounds like nonsense but I just described the line of thinking perfectly.

Buffy doesn’t like that attitude as the team’s captain, but as a human being, sitting in the room with baked goods mere inches from her, she agrees to the party.

At Bex’s, Bowie tells Bex he found a postcard from SAVA in the mail.

They both get excited that she applied and she’s going after her dreams. Bex also thinks it’s great that she didn’t accidentally crush Andi’s hopes for the future.

They realize Andi didn’t tell them because she didn’t want them to know she applied, so Bex makes Bowie put the postcard back in the mailbox.

Back at Buffy’s, Kaitlin brings her computer by and asks who wants to watch videos of their old games. She says they’re hilarious. I don’t know about that. Entertaining maybe, in the way that videos of building implosions are entertaining.

They agree to watch the videos. Kaitlin pulls one up of her shooting a free throw in which she legit closes her eyes for a full two minutes before shooting.

Kaitlin’s like, ugh, I’m so terrible and I DON’T KNOW WHY!

Buffy, using all the knowledge and experience she’s picked up from her time as both a basketball player and coach, says hold on, I think I know what the problem is.

She makes her go back and look at the footage again.

OH?! YOU THINK?! COULD THAT POSSIBLY BE IT?! YOU CAN’T PLAY BASKETBALL WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED?!?!?

I’m screaming. This isn’t some subtle thing only a master of the sport would notice like, oh, you’re not lining your feet up right or you’re letting go with your guiding hand too early.

She shut her eyes!

For a long time! Like she’s trying to will herself to sleep.

She shut them before she even looked at the basket to aim for it! What did she think was going on?! When things went pitch black?!

“Okay, so, I’m holding the ball and want to shoot it into the basket. Then things go dark and when the lights come back, I’ve missed the shot. Just what in the world is going on here? Who keeps turning out the lights on me?”

How has this gone on the entire season? Better question, how is Kaitlin able to feed herself? How is she functioning in every day society? There are plants with better problem-solving skills.

Buffy guarantees Kaitlin if she just OPENS HER EYES TO PLAY BASKETBALL, her game will improve.

Then she tells Maria that she’s great at getting open, but that she never calls out to her teammates to let them know.

Buffy’s like, you have to use your voice, Maria.

And Maria’s like...

Lesson learned.

Buffy tells the girls they are better than they think. They can win if they fight for it.

Also, if they don’t shut their eyes for the majority of the game. Fight and keep your eyes open. 1a and 1b.

The girls agree and Buffy hands out her playbooks.

At the game, Buffy pumps up the team.

Armed with confidence and the newfound knowledge that being able to see what you’re doing vastly improves your chances at successfully doing it, the Spikes put up a fight.

Buffy coaches from the sidelines.

You know, I appreciate the wordplay of the “See you in court” sign that that girl is holding, and how it plays into the other storyline of the episode, but, honestly, who is that sign for? Which team wants that? Is that pro-Spikes or pro-Spartans or just... pro-basketball? Pro-wordplay? Does she just want one of the players on the court to see the sign and go, “Huh.” and give her a polite nod or something? What was the goal here?

Buffy continues to coach.

I’d say that’s over-coaching, but there’s a decent chance Kaitlin forgot between the sleepover and the game what the problem was.

The game nears to a close. Maria gets open and does some clapping, but doesn’t really call out to her teammates like Buffy told her to.

Half-credit, I guess. Light years improvement.

Speaking of credit, let’s give some to this loyal group of Spartan fans behind Maria, who show up to every game and sit in their same lucky seats, and wear their same lucky exact outfits.

Because they were there for the last Spartans/Spikes game, too.

You know what, if I had a cool shirt that just said “Weird” on it, I’d probably wear it all the time. I get it.

Anyway, Maria gets the pass and Buffy delivers her best bit of coaching advice yet.

Again, I don’t know that that’s over-coaching. That might be the exact right level of coaching for this team.

Maria’s shot goes in and the Spikes finally win a game. They all celebrate with Buffy.

Then Buffy’s friends storm the court and celebrate with her.

And credit to the girl who’s still waving the pro-Spartans sign even though the game ended several minutes ago. Keep up the spirit.

TJ’s phone buzzes. The court reached a verdict, so he and Cyrus run off to the theater.

Gus has TJ stand so he can read the verdict, and what he and his co-judges have verdicted is:

Cyrus doesn’t take it well.

Or, in other words, this is a KANGAROO COURT!

TJ tells Cyrus to stop fighting. He tells Cyrus he did his best, which... ehhh...

He kept his eyes open at least.

Gus sentences TJ to the harshest punishment allowed by Student Court:

TJ and Cyrus are surprised, but Gus explains they have very little actual authority.

So, wait, if they don’t really have the ability to hand out any kind of actual punishment, why even bother? If you can’t accomplish anything, then let him walk, otherwise you guys are just being jerks and ruining TJ’s lunch.

TJ grabs Cyrus’s shoulder.

I... think that was just supposed to be a joke about prison but... my God that got gay in a hurry.

Gus says court is adjourned and he and the other judges head off to return their robes to the choir while TJ and Cyrus hug.

This whole plot was silly. So so silly.

And I loved every second of it.

Jonah waits for Amber outside The Spoon. Amber spots him and she’s like, I thought I said to get! Scram! He’s like wait, don’t pepper spray me! I just want to tell you something. His dad got a new job and his parents rented a new apartment, which they’re moving into next week.

Amber says that’s great and she’s really glad for him.

Jonah says she really helped him through this tough time. She says he was there for her, too. Before he leaves, Amber offers to get him a milkshake. Not an invite back into The Spoon, mind you. Just a milkshake to go. The Spoon is still off-limits.

Back at school, Cyrus walks out when TJ shows up with another stolen golf cart like a demon sent from the country club.

Cyrus is like, did you learn nothing from your trial? TJ says he lives on the edge. Cyrus says he lives in the middle.

Cyrus gets in and he and TJ drive around the school with gay abandon.

I can’t believe I’m watching a gay teen romcom on the Disney Channel.

At Bex’s, Bex and Bowie spot Andi coming home, so they get in position to play it cool by turning on the TV and putting on one of their weird shows.

“It’s hideous!”

They ask Andi how her day was, hoping to hear about SAVA, but then Andi only tells them about the Spikes game and walks off.

Bex is shaken. Bowie tells her that’s okay. It’s the way it is. Kids don’t tell their parents everything.

Bex is like, yeah, I guess I just thought we were different.

The episode ends with Bex dealing with her greatest fear: she’s becoming her mother.

[ducktracy]

110. the merry old soul (1935)

release date: august 17th, 1935

series: merrie melodies

director: friz freleng

starring: bernice hansen (babies, little bo peep, woman in the shoe), billy bletcher (old king cole)

another cartoon that feels reminiscent of the harman-ising days (particularly a combination of shuffle off to buffalo and young and healthy in terms of character design and regal status), old king cole marries the old lady in the shoe. unfortunately for him, his marriage brings many surprises—surprises in the shape of children.

church bells are ringing as we open to a lovely shot of a church, harmonious voicing underscoring the scene. a group of squires are singing “the merry old soul”, the shortest squire holding a bow that stretches out and plays all three violins at once. little bo peep and her sheep (vocals provided by bernice hansen) also lend their voices to the song, as do humpty dumpty, the dish and the spoon. catchy and amusing as always.

out strolls old king cole and his wife, the woman in the shoe. they’re greeted extravagantly and warmly as the congregation around them cheers. old king cole opens the carriage door for his wife, who steps in gingerly. an amusing gag as the king shakes his fist in the glory—the glory ceases immediately once the king is alone, and he receives a shower of shoes to the face, accompanied by laughter. old king cole plucks a pair of shoes from the ground and keeps them for himself as he seeks refuge in the carriage.

pan out to reveal the carriage as a car/horse hybrid, horse’s legs and head sticking out from the motor. the happy newlyweds arrive at their house, a giant shoe (the song did introduce the wife as the woman in the shoe). once inside, old king cole puckers up for a kiss, his wife giggling bashfully.

before things get too PG-13, an ironing board flops open between them, a baby right on top, exclaiming “daddy!” the newlyweds are stunned as more babies pop out in various crannies of the house, each exclaiming “daddy!” the stove, some teapots, a clock... the army of babies swarm towards old king cole, showering him in a chorus of “daddy!”s. old king cole seldom finds relief, as babies pour out of the closet he attempts to hide in. fade out as he has to accept his newfound responsibility.

a nice setup of the three squires singing “the merry old soul” right outside the window of old king cole, much to his chagrin. he’s bent over the wash tub, scowling as he works his hands in and out of the suds (not unlike an overworked, marriage-regretting, father porky in a similar scenario in porky’s romance). slamming the window shut and drawing the blinds shuts the squires up efficiently.

in an ode to shuffle off to buffalo (which, coincidentally, was stuck in my head before i watched this), we discover the man is actually laboriously scrubbing his children. a long, rather drawn out baby cleaning/swadling scene ensues, lacking the pep and energy that baby bottleneck gives the same premise.

the babies are sent down the line, a showerhead spraying off the soap. a spinning brush dries off the baby, as does a windshield wiper for good measure. more spinning brushes are inserted into the babies’ ears, each baby wincing along the way. old king cole deposits each child into a towel roller, rolling them dry. the children are then flipped onto their backs as old king cole powders baby powder onto them. one by one, the babies are tied to balloons, which float them over to a changing table. old king cole swaddles them in paper towels, stapling the makeshift diapers shut (a nod to the unsafe practices in shuffle off to buffalo). finally, each baby is deposited into a onesie, where they’re deposited into their cradles via clothesline.

overall, the gag is much too long for any novelty to sink in. it’s a rehash of shuffle off to buffalo—which, essentially, baby bottleneck is, too. what works for baby bottleneck is that the cuteness factor is very much a parody in itself, and the scenes are funny and humorous. porky and daffy scrambling to take care of all the babies is even funnier. here, it’s all cute and no funny. the babies aren’t entirely cute to begin with, not ugly, but nothing that makes me say “aw ferderdy (evidently a saying of my great grandmother’s, which i find hilarious and use coyly in real life), ain’t that special!” the animation isn’t bad at all, but it just goes on for so long, the gags are overshadowed by wondering when the sequence will end.

exhausted, old king cole wipes his brow as he trudges away. finally, a hard day ends once more.

or so he thinks. we fade in to old king cole singing a lullaby as he pedals away at a sewing machine. the machine is rigged to three cradles, labeled “meeni”, “minie”, and “moe”, a pump of the pedal rocking each cradle. once he’s certain the babies are asleep for good, old king cole creeps away silently. of course, the babies wake up and cry, and old king cole is back to pumping the pedal and singing a rushed chorus of rockabye baby.

old king cole manages to sink into an armchair and get some sleep himself. two babies, named nip and tuck (another future parallel to baby bottleneck—“pig and duck nip and tuck delivery service”) sneak out of their cradles and conspire to cause mischief, as all babies do.

nip and tuck sneak over to the sewing machine, each pumping the pedal furiously. all of the babies in their cradles are launched out of them and hop around, right into old king cole’s lap, making for a rude awakening. all of the babies cry and scream, and thus initiates a closeup of old king cole, who also starts to wail in the style of stan laurel. iris out.

the ending to this cartoon reminds me of the ending to good night elmer, a near silent short as we watch elmer fight to extinguish a candle for 7 minutes straight. dawn comes and he, too, cries into the camera like a baby. both cartoons end with the protagonist wailing after engaging in a menial, long, drawn out task. the strange thing is, i don’t really find this cartoon bad, but i wouldn’t recommend it. in fact, i find it above average for its time. the quality of friz’s shorts are definitely picking up after the dud year that was 1934. this was a happy, bright cartoon, the title song amusing and fun. the baby conveyer belt sequence was much too drawn out for any novelty to take effect, but it wasn’t terrible. old king cole was likable and easy to sympathize with—the gag where he gets a pile of shoes thrown at him at the beginning of the cartoon is great. this is a decent short, but there isn’t really anything pushing me to persuade you to watch it. but by all means, the link is right there.

link!

[creative-poptart]

Long Rant Incoming

If you don’t want to read this, that’s fine, just keep on scrolling and your life will remain as it is in the moment. What I have to say caters to very few people, but if you’d also like some insight on a personal topic of mine, keep reading. I can’t promise it’ll be fantastic, great, or even exciting, but it is informative.

That being said, if you’re still interested, let me tell you a little something about theater.

This is inspired by a neighbor of mine, one I’ve known since my childhood. He’s pretty nice, used to babysit me for my parents, and overall a great dude. He’s a lot older now, and his wife is no longer with us, may she rest in peace, but that’s just a little backstory. The real reason I write this is not only because of him but because of so many people doing the exact same thing he did.

I happened to come across him walking through the neighborhood, and he stopped to talk to my dad, so I thought I’d say hi. We chatted for a bit about the usual stuff, how’s life, what are you doing for work right now, do you have a boyfriend, etc. etc. Then he asked me if I’m still in school (I am), and then asked where I’m going to school. I tell him the name, and he asks what I’m studying, so I tell him: theater. 

He gives me the look.

You all know exactly what I’m talking about when I say that, the one face that someone makes when they don’t want to say anything, but they do. The look that practically screams, “I’m too polite to outright diss you, but I’m very clearly questioning your choices in life.”

I don’t like to be questioned a lot, because it makes me challenge myself, and I am trying to stay out of a mindset where I don’t know things about myself. This face got me thinking, and I am pissed.

On to the actual meat of the topic, then, the theater. When most people hear the word theater, they automatically think “actor” as the next word. That’s about the extent of their thought process, and I don’t blame them for that, I used to be the exact same way. All theater is, is just a bunch of people on stage, singing or talking their way through a show while wearing fancy clothes and prancing around under hot lights with a set-piece or two behind them, right?

Wrong.

I mentioned in that last sentence three jobs that have nothing to do with the actors themselves. Clothes, lights, and set-pieces. Those three things are all jobs that have nothing and everything to do with the people on the stage. Let’s take a closer look.

First off, clothes, more specifically costumes. That seems simple enough, right? The purpose of the costume is to clothe the actor/actress in a way that they aren’t just naked on the stage. Another use of costumes that people often forget is that it’s supposed to put you in the world on the stage. A shoddy, two-dollar outfit from the party store down the street is going to look terrible under the lights of the stage, and people will automatically be able to tell that it’s cheap. So when you don’t want that to happen, what do you do?

You make them. Sewing’s super easy right? Not for the theater.

Like any average amount of sewing, you have to know how to piece together fabrics and work a sewing machine or needle and thread. There’s more to that though when it comes to theater. The colors have to give the intended effects to the audience that the director wants to portray. Is the character supposed to pop when they make it on the stage, standing out? Are they more of the invisible type, blending in better with the crowd? Are they clean and rich or broke and dirty? All of those and more have to be factored into the costume design.

When the costume is put together, you also have to make sure that actors can move in it as needed. A stiff suit in a physical fight scene may need to be modified so that the actor can actually move around accordingly. The costumes also have to be sensitive to what era/time the show is taking place. Are we in the 1930′s or the modern-day? What sort of thematics are we going for, sci-fi or hyper-realism? There are several other categories of course, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to theater. 

What about the lighting on the stage? Is it soft, harsh, blinding even? Are we going for a pattern on the floor? What color is it? How many colors are there? Is it dim and low for dramatic effect, or are we going full brights to illuminate the stage? Is there a spotlight highlighting a certain actor? That has to be designed and crafted for the stage to look its very best and set the mood for a scene. When the lighting is off, it can throw the entire thing into utter chaos and make the stage and the actors terrible. No matter how good your acting is, if your audience thinks you’re looking awfully yellow and sick when you’re not supposed to, they won’t focus on what you’re doing.

Lighting technicians are a huge part of the theater, and wouldn’t you know it, but there’s actually other jobs that require lighting. The best example to go for: concerts. Think about it, if you can’t see your favorite band on the stage, what’s the point of listening to all the music? Part of the experience at a concert is getting to see the musicians working live, in action. If the lights suck, then you have an issue right from the get-go. 

Another thing, while I’m on the topic of concerts, is sound designing. Sure, your musicians are playing the music, but they have to set up microphones, speakers, wires, the whole shebang. Theater also requires a lot of sound design. Do you have a door slamming sound effect for an off-stage door? What about a musical interlude between scenes? Is a television playing cartoon sounds? What about a radio with a cue to cut off at a particular time? All of that has to be carefully cued up and ready to go before a show starts. Who else uses sound design? Music studios. This is not a singular skill just made for the theater.

Now the third job that I mentioned way back in the wall of text above set pieces. Someone has to make those, and sure, while there are people who just buy certain things in, most of the theater stuff is made nearby in a scene shop. Any stairs, platforms, windows, seats, walls, etc. that are made for a show can be made in the scene shop. The funny thing about the building of stuff in a scene shop, though is that all the tools, equipment, and materials that are used in there are things that you can find at any hardware store. The same techniques that you use to build a platform in a scene shop, or a wall, are the same kinds that are used in construction work for building houses. The dimensions, purposes, and durability of these things are far different, but they are all made the same way. Wouldn’t you know it, but there’s also a whole lot of options in construction, and that’s a “real job” in the world.

But sure, I get it. Some of these things aren’t that great to think about, and they don’t make a whole lot of difference. Let’s take a step back from the actual theater though, and take a breather. What about using the acting side of it somewhere else? Is there anywhere else?

I’m glad you asked.

The courtroom.

What? There’s no way that acting can be done in a courtroom, right?

Think about this: what’s the job of a lawyer in the courtroom? They have to present their cases to the jury and the judge, give the evidence, and hopefully, they’ll win the jury over to thinking that they’re right and give the verdict in their favor. That’s the bare basics of it, but also consider this.

Is a lawyer genuinely effective in their job if they don’t convince the jury that they’re telling the right side of the story? 

A lawyer has to learn how to capture the attention of the room to make sure that everything they give is compelling evidence. They have to make use of their bodies, their facial expressions, their tonality when they speak, all to get the answer that they want to see in the courtroom come to pass. Do you think law school teaches them how to do that? Not really, they’re focused more on giving them the appropriate laws and regulations they have to follow.

Theater does that. 

When they act on a stage, a good actor/actress will captivate you. Every single word that comes from their mouth will compel you to want to know a little more. That’s how it should be. A lawyer’s job is much the same, but instead of having an audience of a few hundred, they have an audience of twelve to convince. One of my friends is gearing up to be a lawyer, and he told me that a theater degree in law school is more desirable than a criminal justice degree. Theater also teaches improvisation, which is handy to have when your opponent brings up a point in their case that you didn’t prepare for.

If none of that has convinced you that theater degrees are not totally worthless, then I just have one last piece for you to chew on mentally. Actors and actresses have one of the hardest entertainment jobs that we know of. They have to be able to remember what to say, where and when to say it, where they stand, how they move, where they’re moving to, what’s coming up next, and they do it for hours on a single night, not including all the prep work in rehearsal. On top of that, there’s no do-overs if something goes awry. 

If one actor forgets their line and they can’t get back on track, the other actors have to improvise, or basically make something up on the spot, to try and get themselves and the other actor back on track. If something physically goes wrong, like an actor getting hurt or a set-piece breaking mid-show, they can’t stop everything and start again. The show must go on, and they all have to do it with a smile on their face and keep everything running as smoothly as possible. 

Additionally, actors have to believably portray emotions and feelings to an audience all night long. This is done, mind you, before a live audience who watches their every move, analyzing whether that actor feels the emotion. It can be exhausting to do, and many actors train for so long just to be emotionally open enough to get one or two feelings on the stage.

To summarize: theater contains so much more than just people standing on a stage and acting. My school makes me experience all the backstage stuff, working in the scene shop, helping to build costumes, learning about the lighting, and set designs. All of that says nothing about props, actual furniture pieces, who’s actually running the freaking show mid-performance. Theater is more extensive and more diverse than people really think.

To all of you who say that theater isn’t a real job, or that I’ll never get anywhere with this degree, read this first. Read this, do some digging, talk to people who work in the backstage areas of actual productions.

Then come talk to me. My degree is not useless, but until you at least take a look at some of the other facets of theater, I really don’t care what you have to say about my degree.