#the recipe and get distracted and next thing he knows he has made 1.something inedible 2.sometging actually

[spicyizuku]

mha boys & cooking headcanons

hi ❤️ heres my thoughts on the boys and if they'd cook for u!! enjoy -🌶

Includes: Todoroki Shoto, Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, & Iida Tenya

warnings: mentions of food

genre: general, fluff, opinion piece

01.04.21

Todoroki Shoto

𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

hmm he does sometimes!! he usually makes lunch for you when he has time off, but it's mostly stuff you can make without using an oven. he makes a GREAT sandwich

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫?

yes! and by yes i mean he watches as you cook. he'll probably prep the kitchen for you- he cleans up the kitchen and helps chop vegetables so you dont take extra prep time

𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤?

hmm i think he'd like baking more! he's not much of a sweet tooth but its easier to mess up when you cook rather than just sticking something in the oven and waiting for it to rise

𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥?

he's decent!! he doesnt like handling hot liquids for reasons (except soba duh) but anything other than that hes fine! it might take two tries to get a recipe right. he doesnt really make anything fancy

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫?

absolutely!! he loves finally being able to sit down with you after a long day. the first words that come out of his mouth is usually "how was your day?" nd you two easily fall into a pattern. he almost NEVER misses dinner

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞?

you already know!! baby loves his cold soba!!

𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐬?

if you had a claim on a room in his house it would be the kitchen. yea he lives there but thats YOUR kitchen.

Bakugou Katsuki

𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

Everyday!! He strongly believes providing and cooking for you is one of the easiest ways to show you how much he loves you. his food speaks for him. He loves trying out new recipes for u!! nd theres no snark if you ever request something for dinner. When you two first got together he'd make breakfast and then say he "accidentally made too much" so you can have some. It gradually evolved to "What do you want to eat?"

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫?

rarely. he doesnt want u anywhere near the kitchen. On rare occasions when he's done cooking u make desert, but usually you bake in advance bc he doesn't want anything in his way when he's ready to make something

𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤?

hes the cook and ur the baker!! He doesnt see the joy in baking and thinks it's useless to him since he doesnt really enjoy sweets. that is- until you make KILLER Shu kurimu. he cant get enough of the cream puffs you make and does not know when to stop. u usually only make them once a month. he gets mad if you make them more bc he knows hes going to ignore his meal plan and inhale them lol

𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥?

You already know Bakugou is Gordon Ramsey 2.0!! man can make anything. every time you see him head to the kitchen you get excited. you KNOW he's abt to go hard and make the best food you've probably ever tasted

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫?

hmm not much- You know bakugou is an overachieving perfectionist. He works and works and works until he drops. He doesn't have time to sit down and eat, he's always on patrol. That doesn't mean he leaves you with nothing to eat, though! He'll get up early to make you both bentos and makes sure to prep for dinner if he isnt cooking in advance. On off days (rare) he'll make you American styled breakfast in bed 🥰

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞?

Tantanmen! its the japanese take on Sichuan Dan Dan noodles. u know baby loves his spices

𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐬?

HIS. dont even THINK about trying to get in that kitchen while he's cooking. he needs his space and cooking is his time to shine!! he'll get irritated if ur in the way. he likes when you sit at the bar top of his kitchen and talk to him while he cooks. even distracted he cooks perfectly. he doesnt add much to the conversation since he's still focused, but he loves hearing ur voice and knowing you enjoy being around him enough to just sit and watch

Midoriya Izuku

𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

ummm- he tries?? He makes you two a lot of no-cook dinners since hes not good with cooking yet. But babyboy definitely tries!!

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫?

all the time!! izuku is usually watching you cook. whenever you're in the kitchen, hes there. He watches and takes notes so he can get better. He helps with all the non cooking parts- chops up everything and preheats the oven. He'll help clean up your mess as you go!!

𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤?

hmm both! he's a decent baker but he wants to learn more about both. baby never gives up on learning something new

𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥?

hh at first? NO. You're surprised he's survived this long. You have no idea how he follows meal plans to stay in shape for hero work when the man barely knows how to boil water. He's admitted he used to go to Bakugous and annoy him until he was kicked out with a full stomach. but!! Once a week, you'll give him a lesson and watch over as he cooks, you know he'd rather die than give up trying to perfect something. He's a really fast learner and is actually starting to get good!! Next thing you know you'll be coming home from work and finding that dinner was already made- maybe a bit dry, okay. But its not that bad!!

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫?

He tries- he really really tries. He loves eating dinner with you, but being the #1 hero takes sacrifice and dinner with his loved ones is exactly that. He's too busy for his own good; completing patrols and missions, attending events, making appearances, writing reports??? Its all a LOT. He'll probably come home to eat dinner with you once (twice, if hes lucky) a month.

You know how hard it is on him. He would always sit down and eat dinner with his mom when he was younger and not being able to sit down and relax was stressful. One day you decided to surprise him! You two share your locations so you made dinner and went out to bring him food. You two ate on this agency's fire escape- He was so happy!! You remember that scene when spiderman ate a churro while sitting on the ledge of a building? thats yall. After that, he makes sure these midnight picnics are a daily thing- he wouldnt miss patrol dinners for the world

he always wraps an arm around you when you two eat during a patrol. He gets grumpy because you never bring a jacket and he doesn't have one on him to give you since hes in his hero suit ): you sit side by side, arms brushing against eachother as you two eat whatever you made

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞?

Tonkatsu!! its one of his favorite foods and it doesn't take that mich effort or time to make

𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐬?

Yours!! you're usually in charge of food- he's too busy and if he rushes cooking the food will turn out inedible. He doesnt have time to clean up after you- so he hires someone to clean the kitchen daily. A hero's salary has its perks!

Tenya Iida

𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

not usually- its not because he doesnt want to. It just doesn't cross his mind. Cooking for him is more of a chore- He'd rather take you out someplace nice

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫?

All the time!! You two work around the kitchen with eachother effortlessly- never getting in eachothers way. He'll stop to watch you work your magic sometimes. Cooking with you is such a mundane yet enjoyable experience

𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐫 𝐚 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤?

baker!! he mostly makes rolls and baked goods that arent too sweet. I strongly believe Iida likes to bake bread

𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥?

He's decent- he follows all recipes to a T so if its a bad recipe the food will turn out a little bland. u know when you see a recipe and it has little to no spices so you add some? Iida doesn't do that- a recipe is made to be followed

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫?

Yes!! You two try to eat together at least three times a week. On fridays his brother comes over for dinner- its always a grand time! The dining room booms with laughter and chatter

𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞?

beef stew!! thats one of the meals he makes thats really really good!

𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐤𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐢𝐬?

shared! you both cook and bake equally and u never kick eachother out the kitchen. He loves being in the kitchen with you!! He'll press up against your back, resting his head on your shoulder and wrapping an arm around your waist as he watches you cook

he's tried being romantic and dance with you in the kitchen. poor baby just doesnt know how to dance. but humor him!! he loves dancing with you! Theres a speaker in the kitchen just for when you want to hold eachother in the kitchen and listen to music

Thanks for reading 🥺 If you wanna leave constructive criticism i'd really appreciate that ❤️ I take requests btw! lemme know if i should do a pt 2 w the other boys & shinsou! hope u enjoy ur day

- chili 🌶

[denkineptune]

mha boys + baking (hc)

♡ some baking headcanons i whipped up real quick, just because this idea popped into my head and i could not rest until i finished this lol

♡ fic details: 1.1k words, headcanons, not x-reader, edited (probably not very well, some small print but not anything important

characters: kaminari, kirishima, bakugou

kaminari, 1/10:

↠ cannot bake for the life of him. he’s the kind of person to swear up and down that he could go on a baking show, but in reality? has definitely committed some kind of food-related war crime

↠ he’s slightly dumb, it’s endearing but also not a good trait in the kitchen. since baking has a lot to do with fractions, he says that exact measurements are “stupid” and can be eyeballed. the worst mistake he’s made because of this was definitely when he used a tablespoon to measure out a 1/4 teaspoon of baking soda. he ended up putting about half a tablespoon of the stuff in the batter, and bakugou’s birthday cupcakes tasted like soap

↠ he also thinks every ingredient is interchangeable if it looks similar; he’ll replace sugar with salt if he doesn’t have enough, so maybe steer clear of his brownies, you’ll likely get sodium poisoning. he replaces vanilla with molasses, which just- no,,,

↠ denki also tends to over- or under- cook things which results in either very burnt, inedible baked goods or hot goop in your mouth. both ways, quite gross

↠ he won’t wait for the oven to preheat, he’s not patient like that. he’s definitely used his quirk to try to heat a pie tin and bake it in a split second. it doesn’t go well, obviously. it explodes in his face and makes everyone quite upset, because they’re forced to clean the ceiling. the ceiling. 

↠ don’t let him around ovens, period. he’s left things in for too long multiple times. his logic is “i’ll know when it’s done, i can smell it,” so he doesn’t set a timer. then he gets distracted by his phone, and forgets to take the pan out, resulting in an oven fire. todoroki has to put it out because denki’s unable to use a fire extinguisher

↠ kaminari doesn’t even grease pans, his monstrous baked “goods” are left burnt in their pans, since nobody can manage to get it out. just throw the whole thing away, at that point

↠ “ah, fuck!” is a regular thing to hear if he’s left in the kitchen alone, so for the love of god, do not leave him unattended. he’s like a baby, you need to have someone watching him at all times or he’ll burn something or himself

↠ that being said, he’s been taught to soothe his sugar cravings by microwaving pre-made mug cakes that the others stick in the fridge. this prevents heights alliance from being destroyed every time pikachu wants dessert

kirishima, 7.5/10:

↠ he does his absolute best and he’s quite decent! i’d say he’s around the average, he’s not a pro, but he doesn’t suck

↠ his favorite things to make are definitely cupcakes, they’re easiest to distribute and share with people. they’re quite simple to mass produce, and you can personalize each depending on who they’re going to. it all really comes down to how easy they are to make and give out

↠ he uses cute-ass cupcake liners, he and mina go to daiso and get really pretty ones 

↠ using borrowed icing bags (courtesy of sato, ty angel), he ices the cupcakes with different color frosting depending on the favorite color of whoever will eat it. on april fool’s day, he made a cupcake (no pranks, that’s unmanly) that was half vanilla and half red velvet with the same color scheme of icing, which he then gave to todoroki. it was very cute, and shouto liked it a lot :)

↠ eijirou can sometimes make common blunders; a bit too much flour, forgetting the salt, spilling some vanilla, things like that

↠ he does this cute thing where, if he’s baking cookies for someone else, he’ll fake spilling chocolate chips into the batter as an excuse to put more in than the recipe calls for

“oh nooooooooo the chocolate chip bag fell in, there’s too many in the batter... welp too bad, what’s next-”

↠ it’s very sweet hehe literally

↠ kiri doesn’t bake all that often, there’s a lot more immediate things that he needs to tend to (ie. homework, friends, training), but sometimes, in his spare time, he’ll get in the mood where he decides that he might as well bake

↠ he doesn’t keep his treats to himself, pretty much ever. making brownies? better share them with everyone else, they could use it after this hard week. one person can’t possibly eat this many cookies, who else is around that i can give them to? basically, if it’s able to be shared, he’ll share it

↠ HE LETS PEOPLE LICK THE BATTER SPOON !!!! usually, the person who eats it is mina, uraraka, hagakure, or kaminari, but that’s only because they’re the ones who stay around the kitchen until kiri is done with the spoon

↠ he attracts a crowd of students near the kitchen that want either the spoon or final product. overall, he’s just a ray of sunshine

bakugou, 9/10:

↠ let’s get this straight, he rarely bakes. as in, pretty much never. he can count the amount of times he’s baked on one hand, and they were all only for some kind of celebration. he doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, so he feels no need to make desserts

↠ but on the off chance he does make something, it is so. fucking. good.

↠ he’s already MasterChef Junior while cooking, and though baking isn’t that similar, he knows how to maneuver around the kitchen, and isn’t an idiot

↠ katsuki is familiar with the ingredients he’s using, therefore he knows what pairs well. he’s smart, so he figures out, logically, how to put everything together. he’s also not, as he so eloquently puts it, “a fucking moron”, and he follows the recipe to a t (unless he thinks something is stupid, at which point he’ll yell at the cookbook and come up with a substitute for said dumb thing) 

↠ everything is done just right, and by the end, everyone is practically in heaven when eating the food

↠ he doesn’t share. ever. 

↠ you would have to steal to get any food, and you would have to do it well. if he catches you stealing, he’ll have your head. he also doesn’t let people lick the spoon, as it is “gross and unsanitary”, but he secretly does it. c’mon, he’s the baker. 

↠ as i said before, he only bakes for special occasions, like his dad’s birthday. his dad is very soft and peaceful, unlike his son. he loves handmade gifts because they’re thoughtful, and mitsuki suggests that katsuki bake for him. he protests, but ultimately can’t refuse his mom

↠ bakugou does something i like to call “angry baking”, where he does everything very aggressively

↠ the stirring is done very violently and batter splashes everywhere; when he grates lemons and limes for a key lime pie, he looks like a murderer. his eyes are g l o w i n g. but it’s good he doesn’t have a knife, like when he’s cooking. that would make it all the more intimidating.

↠ at least the food is good, even if the process is slightly... alarming....

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾𝒹𝑒𝓃𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑒𝓅𝓉𝓊𝓃𝑒​​​​​☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

[thenervouscook]

Nervous Cooking: An Intro and How To

Hello there. I’m a nervous cook. I hate wasting food. I don’t like being bad at things. I have a very complicated relationship with food, thanks to an eating disorder.

In short, I often feel daunted in the kitchen, have felt that a lot of recipes gatekeep information and make it hard to me to feel like cooking is accessible and fun.

I like food. I love the idea of cooking. With the help of some nice people I know, I’m making good progress into enjoying the kitchen, and playing around making things and swatting away the dreadful pretentiousness, snobbishness, and pomposity that sullies what is supposed to be a joyous, wholesome, and ultimately tasty activity.

So where to start? Before we get to sharing recipes, let’s have a breakdown of what we’re trying to do for ourselves, before we even turn the oven on.

How do we become less nervous in when cooking?

1. Put some music on.

There’s nothing as daunting as standing in your kitchen with a recipe open, feeling like you’re already set for failure before you’ve even begun. So with that, put some good tunes on. You might have to turn the volume down occasionally as it is distracting you too much from the task at hand, but honestly, set yourself up for a good time.

Hall & Oates are great for making your meal with.

2. Read the recipe first. Maybe read it a few times.

Too often, I’ve started cooking and followed the recipe as a go, only to find that the person who wrote the recipe can smash out some sauce in 40 seconds while it takes me ages to do, while I burn my onions in the process. 

Reading the recipe first enables you to plan for any tricky moments where you feel unsure, or indeed, helps you to work out how to re-word something that might confusing rather than having to translate it when you’re in the middle of cooking something.

Recently, I made something that said “add 100ml of stock”, which wasn’t included in the recipe itself - reading it through before setting off meant that I didn’t have a nervous breakdown halfway through.

3. Prep the ingredients

Foodies call it ‘mise en place’ - don’t worry about foreign phrases yet, we won’t be using them here and we’ll probably do a translation of cooking terms at some point. These phrases are perfectly fine to use if you know what you’re doing, but of course, when you’re a nervous cook, your brain can go “AAAAAAAAAARGH I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS AND I’M ALREADY TALKING MYSELF OUT OF COOKING AND I MAY AS WELL JUST GO TO THE CHIPPIE”.

Calm down. It’s all good. Maybe we’ll do a glossary of terms later, so we can understand what these people are talking about.

Don’t worry. Mise en place basically means getting everything ready before you start, like they do on the telly. You’ve seen a TV chef saying “add half a tablespoon of paprika’, and they just tip it out of a little bowl, rather than measuring out while the pan’s on? It’s that.

So, if you’re making a curry and the recipe says that 4 spices are all getting thrown in at the same time, then measure them out first, put it in a bowl, or a little glass dish you’ve saved from when you ate a fancy yoghurt that came in a glass thing rather than a plastic pot, or even a cleaned out plastic yoghurt pot - it literally doesn’t matter - you measure them out, throw them all into a thing, and when the time comes to add them to your cooking, you can lob them in the pan without thinking about it, because you did the groundwork before the stress of the timer.

And ‘mise en place’ will not be used again on this blog, because there’s no need really.

4. Convert American measurements in advance

If you’ve found a recipe that looks ace on an American site, you’ll soon find out they measure everything differently. They have a ‘cups’ system. 1 cup is 128g or 4.5 oz.

If your scales are accurate enough to measure 128g exactly, go nuts. If not, take the time to find another recipe that has measured things out in a way that is more useful to you. If you have the money, have a look online and buy something cheap that measures out in American cups. 

Just don’t get caught on the hop while you’re in the middle of cooking your tea and get yourself worked up.

5. You can still eat a cock-up

American writer Hanif Abdurraqib said: “I'm not normally one for baking — I get that it is mostly all about the following of instructions, but I think that has always made the task more daunting for me and my many anxieties. If I failed, that failure would be speaking to some greater inability, or it might tell me something about myself. But, my anxieties, though busy as ever, aren't very interested in whether or not I fail at the moment. Also, I have such a low bar for edible desserts. Even a failed baked good is still a baked good worth consuming, in my home.”

That’s one of the golden things good cooks never share - even when you mess up, chances are, you can still eat it. Set your bar low. Don’t tip it in the bin because you’ve failed or because it looks like a mess.

I made a banoffee pie, and was worried I was going to balls it up, because I’m rubbish at whisking. Talking to a very talented chef I know, she said “don’t bin it - mix it up and call it Banoffee Eton Mess style!”

That was a very important lesson to learn - if it doesn’t work out perfectly, then re-brand the fucker and eat it anyway.

6. Follow good food people and ignore perfectionists if you want

A lot of broadsheet food writers and TV chefs are perfectionists, and don’t share their mistakes. When they appear on TV, they’re often berating some poor amateur cook for messing up their flans or whatever, because they’ve entered a talent show like Great British Bake Off, Masterchef, or whatever.

Ignore all that if you want, or if it puts pressure on you. It’s just you in your kitchen, making something to eat. Doesn’t matter if it looks like a road accident when you put it on your plate, as long as it tastes good.

Everyone’s Instagram accounts only show you their successes, so you can write those off too, if they’re doing your head in.

That said, there’s good people out there who will show you short-cuts, things to not worry about, and enjoy food that looks like an absolute mess. David Chang is a good chef to follow - on his Instagram, he cooked chicken thighs in a plastic bag in the microwave ‘round his mums, and has a show called Ugly Delicious where the focus is about getting rid of the pointless rules and aesthetic bollocks that stops a lot of people from wanting to cook.

Brad Leone at Bon Appetite is another good egg - he’s very much a ‘bung it in, that should be alright shouldn’t it?’ type of cook. Very unpretentious. Good fun. Pronounces the word ‘water’ funnily.

7. Focus on flavour, not aesthetics

I talked to someone who knows a lot of professional chefs, and they told me the difference between restaurant food and what we cook at home is the delicious but disgusting amounts of salt and butter they put in everything. Like, you’ll use a splodge of butter in your food, and a pro chef will stick a whole pack in. 

Season the crap out of everything too. Keep tasting it as you go along - you’re not a pro kitchen who has to worry about sticking a spoon in your mouth and then returning it straight to the pan.

When a recipe says 2 cloves of garlic, and you know you love garlic, sod it, put 3 or 4 in.

If you’re nervous about making your food too salty, for example, then just follow the recipe to the letter, and then when you serve it up later, if it needs more, just whack a load on as a booster at the end. It’s cool.

8. Don’t worry about having loads of gear

You might read some recipes that ask you to pulverise something in a food processor and you might not have one. If you can afford the gear, fine, go wild. If not, see what the alternatives are. You might be able to do it by hand, or you might be able to cheat by buying some pre-mixed stuff. Cheating is good. Don’t worry yourself.

If you’re bad at mincing garlic, just buy a tube of garlic paste. The only people who would judge that are terrible people, and terrible people don’t deserve your cooking.

9. Worst case scenario

You’ve burned your food. You’ve used salt instead of sugar. The whole thing has gone so badly that it is inedible. You feel defeated and annoyed at yourself. You swear you’ll never cook again.

It’s okay to wallow for a bit, but remember this - if you angrily sling everything in the bin and walk to the chip shop or Maccies - a Big Mac or chips pie and gravy is still a 10 out of 10 meal to have. In terms of you eating, you’ve not failed yourself.

Get stuck into your nuggets meal and enjoy them, and you’ll remember to not put salt in, instead of sugar next time.

10. Give yourself a break

Chefs, foodies, and cooks often forget to tell you what it feels like to not know how to cook. That makes sense - they’ve been practising for ages.They’re at a certain level, and assume the person they’re talking to is at a certain level too. 

When they casually say “knock up a quick roux” and you’re not sure what a roux even is, that’s okay - you can either stop listening to them, and watch a YouTube video about what a roux is, how to make one, and what they’re for... or you can carry on watching your show and just have a holiday in someone else’s good skills.

I can play guitar quite well, but I don’t hear a blistering solo on a Steely Dan record and think ‘well, I may as well throw my guitar into the street’ - I can pootle along on mine, while enjoying someone else who is better at a thing than I am. Try and do the same with food shows. You can always turn them off if they’re making you feel depressed - you don’t owe anyone shit.

Remember how grateful you are when absolutely anyone else cooks for you and how you don’t judge anyone else’s food harshly, because you’re not an arsehole? Do the same for yourself.