#the pencil is also with me bc I wanted to finish it and said I would give back to her later

[paaelle]

People should stop letting be borrow paper and pencils when I'm bored

So yeah, Irep doodles (+some Angel ones) bc he was in my mind.

I'm still thinking about how I made those without reference, simply proving that he's engraved on my brain

Closeup!

This one is just me testing colors and desing ideas, so I can be able to work on the anti-chibis. I made one of those to Peri and Wanda too, but I'm not showing them because is horribly obvious that I worked a lot more on Irep 😔

[thedevotionaltour]

in terms of art alone im sorry. im a jrjr defender to my last breath you be fucking nice to him. i dont wanna hear shit❗️❗️❗️

[nickfowlerrr]

so inviting, i almost jump in.

pairing: neighbor!bucky barnes x curvy!reader

warnings: fluff. pining. idiots in love? fake dating...kinda lol. a lil bit of angst but not too much.

words: 4.5k

notes: happy new year! i tried so hard to finish this last night but just couldn’t do it lol. this is part of the ciwywt universe, but i think it can be read as a standalone, too.

also - coherent, consistent timelines? sorry, don’t know her. idk where this fits in their story but it does bc i say it does. 😌 i really love these two and i hope you enjoy this lil fic as much as i do. thank you in advance for reading. as always, comments and reblogs are more than welcome, and so appreciated! 💞

"Ow,” you wince, “damn it," you grumble to yourself as you set your eyeliner pencil down, blinking rapidly to quell the tears you could feel about to form in your eye. You huff and turn to look down at the cause of your distraction, your phone ringing loudly as it lays on the counter. You see the caller and preemptively roll your eyes. Not this again.

You swipe to answer the call and his voice immediately floats into your ear, giving you no time to even utter a 'hello'.

"Before you say anything-"

"No," you state firmly, annoyance clear in your tone as you stop him before he can begin.

"Doll,"

"Bucky, I said no," you cut him off again. "It's a no. No. No, no, no. Not gonna happen," you continue despite his pathetic huff sounding on the other end.

"I know you said no..." he says before trailing off for a second, "but, doll, I really need you."

Damn him. You sigh heavily into the phone, putting a hand to your forehead to stop the headache you know is coming. He's really trying to pull on your heart strings... unfortunately for him, it's not gonna work.

"You don't need me, Bucky. You're gonna be fine. They're your friends, if you just tell them what you told me, they'll understand. You have nothing to worry about."

"That's not," he huffs, stopping himself, and you can almost hear him shake his head, "Will you at least try to come by?"

You know you won't, but you don't want to upset him any more than he already is.

"Yeah, I'll try. And stop worrying so much. You'll have a good time, I know it," you smile, the thought of him and his friends enjoying their New Year's Eve tugging at your lips.

"Yeah," he responds, sounding a little unsure. "Okay, well, I'll see you later?"

"Mhm...maybe," you say.

"Doll," he groans, causing an unbidden laugh to slip from you at his dramatics.

"I said I'd try, no promises! But I do have to go now, so, talk later. Bye," you finish, hanging up on him before he can try and talk you into making a promise you have no intention of keeping.

You sigh heavily as you set your phone back down, returning to your almost finished makeup. Just because you aren't going out doesn't mean you can't look good.

You're still so surprised he asked you to be his fake date to his New Year's Eve party. Both because you were surprised he was hosting a party to begin with, and because he needed a fake date.

But that was just it, he didn't need a fake date. He wanted to get his friends off his back with the constant set ups and double dates they'd plan for him. What he really needed to do was tell them the truth, just like he told you. He didn't want to date, at least not right now. He said his mind was on other things. That was understandable, so you weren't sure why he couldn't just tell them that...

A part of you feels bad for not helping Bucky out, but the other part of you knows you'd feel like a total outsider at a small party being attended by the avengers.

Like, the real-life superhero team, The Avengers.

That was an immediate 'no thank you'.

You were content to spend the night alone; just you, your grapes, and some apple cider to cheers to the new year.

--

The television plays on, another episode of a show you've seen ten times before just starting up, as a knock sounds at your door.

You furrow a brow as your head shoots in its direction. It only takes a second for you to come to the conclusion that it must be Bucky. You set your drink down and stand from where you were sitting cozily on your couch.

You fix your dress, and for no reason at all, check yourself in the mirror before you near the door, making sure your makeup isn't smudged and your hair still looks nice as you do.

There's another knock as you get to it and you open your door with a bit of attitude at his impatience.

"Bucky, how many times-" you're stopped short as you quickly see that the man before you is, in fact, not Bucky. "Oh, uhm, sorry, can I help you?" you ask.

"Yeah," the man laughs, "I'm here for the party. This is the right apartment, isn't it? Bucky Barnes?" he asks, looking at you quizically.

"No," you answer, "no, wrong apartment. He's just," again you're cut off, but this time by the door right down the hall opening, none other than Bucky peeking out to look down at you and - oh my god wait...is this - this is - holy shit you're talking to Captain America. Your eyes round as you look from Bucky back over to the man before you. "Oh, gosh, you, you're,"

"Sam Wilson," he smiles brightly at you, extending a hand. You shake hands as he continues, "and you must be-"

He is cut off from saying your name as it comes out of Bucky's mouth, almost frantically. You look from Sam back over to Bucky, your eyes still wide.

"I know you're still getting ready, but would you come here for just a second," he nods at you. You look once more between Sam and Bucky, your eyes narrowing as they land back on your own personal pain in the ass. What the hell is he up to... You and Sam go to walk over to him but Bucky speaks again. "Not you, Sam. You stay there," he says in a fuss. Sam puts his hands up, a look of confusion clear on his face at Bucky's demand.

You continue toward him and as soon as you're close enough to touch, he pulls you to him, turning you both so Sam can't see what you're saying. It's a hushed conversation, a whispered argument, really.

"You have to come over."

"No, I really don't."

"You do."

"I don't."

"You're staying."

"No, I'm not."

"You're staying. I'm not letting you leave," he says, trying to corral you into his apartment as you swipe at him, a back and forth of swats ensuing between the two of you.

"Bucky!" you finally whisper yell, stopping the battle as you ball your fists, almost stomping like a toddler in your annoyance. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I lied."

"Huh? To me? About what?"

"To all of you. But mostly them. I told them you'd be here. Because I thought you would be. But then you said you weren't coming, but I couldn't tell them that or they'd think I was just making up another lie about you..."

"Another lie?"

"I...may have... told my friends that we're dating and have been for a few weeks," he murmurs under his breath, so quiet you can barely hear his confession.

"You what?" you balk, trying your hardest to squash the stupid butterflies that are fluttering around in your stomach now at the idea of not only dating Bucky, but of being someone he brings up in conversation to other people.

"Alright, love birds, cute as this is, are one of you gonna invite me in or am I just supposed to stand here awkwardly in your hallway all night?" Sam interjects, walking to you both as you turn your heads to look at him.

Bucky turns entirely, moving closer to you, slipping his arm behind your back and resting his hand on your hip, "Yeah, welcome in. Steve said he'd be here with beer in a few minutes," Bucky says, an annoyed edge to his voice as he lets Sam through the door. Sam raises a brow at you and you force a smile. As soon as he's inside, Bucky snaps the door shut behind him, leaving you both in the hallway still.

"What the hell," Sam says, loud enough for you to hear through the door.

"Look, it started as a lie to get out of a date, but then I just kept using you an excuse to not go to things I didn't wanna go to. And ya know, more than half the time I wasn't really lying because I was with you," he tries to excuse himself.

"Are you insane?" you ask him plainly.

"I know, I'm sorry, but I really need you to be here tonight, please," he begs, his puppy eyes starting to get to you.

"You had only asked me to be your fake date."

"Yeah, once you said yes, I was gonna work the girlfriend thing in," he smiles wryly, rubbing the back of his neck in his anxiousness.

"You're ridiculous, you know that?"

"Is that a yes?"

You roll your eyes before acquiescing, "Fine. But you've gotta come clean tomorrow. You can't start the new year with secrets, it doesn't bode well for anyone."

"Deal," he smiles his real smile this time. Then his eyes drift down to your outfit and you warm, like you always do, under his attention. "You look good," he says softly, sincerity in his voice.

"Thanks," you accept quickly. You will not let him fluster you so easily. Not tonight.

--

More of Bucky's friends arrive soon after you get back from your apartment, your bag of grapes and bottle of unopened cider in hand. Bucky introduces you to each of them and you're now unsurprised that they know your name and exactly who you are. And you, for your part, are in awe of each and every one of them. Though you like to think you don't make it obvious.

And it's surprising how normal it all feels.

You for sure thought you'd be a nervous wreck around these people, but, especially with Bucky by your side, you've never felt so calm and comfortable, and at a party of all places. Though you suppose it helps that you're already so comfortable around his apartment. Still, it's nice. They're nice. And fun!

Card games are played, karaoke sung, and stories told as you all snack and chat the evening away.

You're all laughing as Sam talks about how everyone was sure Bucky had been making you up like a summer camp girlfriend after the fifth time he claimed you were sick or out of town so you couldn't show up to the events they had invited you to. Of course, you had no idea about any of them, but you do know where you were each and every night they brought up.

You were here.

With Bucky.

So, he wasn't completely lying. You smile and look to Bucky who stands right next to you. Your eyes instantly meet his, a smile of his own already gracing his face. You look back down, bashful despite yourself.

The night has passed so quickly and it's already nearing midnight. You're about to go get your grapes ready, but Steve's voice stops you, catching your attention.

"Ya know, I can't even remember the last time I've seen you look so happy, Buck," Steve smiles as he looks at the two of you. "I'm really happy for you, both of you,” he adds. “It's obvious how much you two care about each other. It's good to see."

You don't know what to say, and you're too scared to look at Bucky. You just force another smile, feeling a bit sad more than anything. Because this isn't real. Whether you'd like it to be or not. It isn't. You have to remind yourself of that.

Bucky's hand squeezing your waist, and the feeling of his admiring gaze on you as he pulls you closer to his side, doesn't help. It just makes that pit in your stomach grow deeper.

This is easy for him because it means nothing.

This is killing you because it means everything. It’s everything you never give yourself permission to dream about. Everything you want. And it’s what you know isn’t for you. It couldn’t be.

Just a few more minutes, you breathe, and then you'll go back to normal. No dating, just friends...just friends? Whatever it is you are to him...

You're lost in thought as the conversation continues around you, Bucky's hand never leaving you and his gaze never wavering. Even as he engages in the conversation, his attention is solely on you.

"Oo, countdown is going!"

The yell pulls you out of your head as your eyes snap to the television. What the hell! How did you just lose eight minutes? Damn Bucky always taking up your thoughts and distracting you.

You don't have the time to get to the fridge for your grapes as the kitchen is crowded, flutes of cider and champagne being passed out among the group.

You tsk, oh well. At least you have on your red underwear.

As the count gets lower, Bucky gets closer, and you mindlessly lean back into him as you watch the live broadcast from Time Square. Ten seconds hits and you all count along, Bucky's other arm comes around as he holds you from behind. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Bucky turns you around in his arms, catching you off guard as you look up at him, your hands coming to rest on his chest.

Two.

He leans in, and you're frozen. His nose brushes yours, as his lips brush against your own. Oh.

One.

"Happy New Year," he whispers against you, cheers and exclamations of the same sentiment shared all around the living room, between everyone else.

"Happy New Year," you whisper back breathily before you unthinkingly press closer to him.

His lips meet yours as he leans in ever closer and kisses you, so softly. Your eyes flutter closed as you return his affection, kissing back harder than you intend before you break away. It feels like magic, it feels like home. And you want nothing more than to do it again. To lose yourself in him so delightfully…

You remember yourself then and almost shy away completely before Bucky takes your face in his hand, turning you back to him. You lock eyes once more and you feel like you can't breathe at what you see in his. You don't have time to think on it before his eyes flick down to your lips and then he's kissing you again. His lips press harder against yours, still moving just as gently but somehow it feels much more intimate. Sincere. Real.

You deepen the kiss and then suddenly the whooping and claps around you both bring you back to reality.

You pull away, taking a sobering breath, blinking away the haze of longing as Bucky's delicate touch remains on your cheek. You gingerly reach to take his hand, slowly pulling it off of you. You hold it for a second, squeezing his hand before letting it drop.

The celebration continues all around but you need to get yourself together. Alone.

"'M gonna use the bathroom," you whisper to him, knowing he can hear you even through the din.

You exchange 'Happy New Year' exclamations with everyone you pass on your way to his bathroom and bid goodnight to the people already getting ready to head home. A lot of them have early mornings at the tower, so you get it.

There are only a few people in the living room with Bucky as you look back before you escape to the bathroom, taking your time to decompress.

Sam, Steve, and Nat were talking with him, but his eyes were on you when you looked at them.

You knew this was a bad idea. You knew you'd get caught up in the fantasy. And somehow, he still got you to do it. You curse yourself in the mirror and then notice your smudged lipstick.

The thought of your lipstick staining Bucky's lips right out there has you in a flurry of emotions...

He kissed you. Twice. That actually happened. But did it really mean anything?

Your heart twists as you refuse to believe it could have. You just need to... God, you don't know what you need. All you know is right now you can't stop thinking about Bucky's hands on you. You can't stop thinking of how soft and supple his lips are. And how damn good of a kisser he is.

You look at yourself once more in the mirror.

Fucking hell. What are you gonna do? You sigh, eyes squeezing shut before you shake your head at yourself.

You turn back to the door, opening it right when someone's knock hits.

You're somehow surprised, and yet not at all, to see Bucky staring back at you as you pull it open wider.

"Hey," you say, raising a brow and shoving every fuzzy feeling threatening to strangle you back down.

"Hey," he started. "Everyone left. I just, uh. Wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Yeah, I'm good," you nod.

"I'm sorry. About kissing you."

"Oh," you utter - sounding more dejected than you wanted to. "Yeah, no. Don't, don't even worry about it." You muster a shamefully see through smile.

His stare is near invasive as he really looks at you, analyzing you. He opens his mouth to speak, but thinks better of it, instead giving you a tight lipped smile in return.

He nods, then looks to the floor, "Okay," he accepts.

You nibble your lip, crossing your arms as he still stands in front of you.

He notices and moves out of your way, offering a small sorry and a huff of a laugh.

You walk back out into the living room as he follows.

"Wow, this place is a mess,” you breathe a laugh, hoping to keep the subject change.

"Yeah," he agrees, "I'll be having fun tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" you question. "Are you busy now?"

"... I guess not."

"Then grab a garbage bag, Barnes. We've got work to do."

He laughs, "Oh, yeah? You're gonna stay and help me clean up?"

"What are friends for if not clean up?"

He smiles at you as his mind replays his conversation with Sam, Steve and Nat just minutes ago.

He told them the truth about you, and their reaction wasn't what he expected, but definitely what he needed.

"Wait, sorry, you're not dating her?" Nat asked, puzzled.

"Yeah, I'm confused, too," Sam added. "You guys act more like a couple than most couples I know."

"And she's cute, you seem perfect together."

"Well, we're not. Not, not perfect together," he amended, "I mean we're just not together. We're friends. Nothing more."

"Looks like a hell of a lot more, if you ask me..."

"So," Steve finally chimed in, "you spend all that time together, you talk about her constantly, and I saw the way you kissed her at midnight, Buck, but you're telling us it's nothing more than friendship?"

Bucky didn't know what to say. But he knew Steve knew what he was really feeling. He knew exactly what he wasn't saying.

"Do you want it to be more?" he asked. "Because from an outsider's perspective, it seems like you have everything with her but the label."

"I..." Bucky looked around, making sure you hadn't snuck back out of the bathroom yet, "yeah. I do want it to be more. She's, fuckin' perfect," he breathed a laugh as his thoughts, as they always do, strayed back to you. That familiar warmth that fills his chest anytime you're near, or hell, anytime he so much as thinks your name, returned to him. And suddenly his thoughts went back to the softness of your cheek as he held you close earlier. How pliant and perfectly your lips moved against his as you kissed him back. Not once, but twice.

Even still, he thinks back to when he told you why he was so reluctant to go on the dates his friends kept setting up for him. It was a lie when he said it was because he didn't want to date right now... well, partially. He really didn't want to date around. And his mind was focus on other things.

Other things, of course, being you.

When you nodded and told him you got it, that you felt the same way, his heart felt like it deflated by ten.

He was getting ready to finally make his move and ask you out, for real this time. But how could he do that now? He didn't want to be another guy you had to swat away, he couldn't be another one of your rejections. And you gave out plenty, always to his selfish delight if he was being honest. In fact, he can't remember the last time you actually went out on a date. It's been months...

Most of your nights are spent together. Just the two of you. But if you weren't wanting to date anyone right now, and he asked you, he couldn't be sure what you'd say. More importantly, where it'd leave you.

Bucky wasn't stupid, he wasn't blind, and he wasn't deaf. He had every confirmation he could ever want that you liked him the same way he liked you. But he didn't want to chase you away by pressuring a relationship, especially if that's not what you want.

"It's clear she likes you, too, ya know," Steve pointed out what he thought was the obvious.

"I know, I just. I don't wanna push her away by moving too fast. I don't think she's looking to date anybody right now,"

"If you don't ask, you'll never know."

He knew they were right. He needed to just bite the bullet and ask you outright. And he would.

But as he watches you glide around his kitchen, so at home, putting things back in their rightful places and throwing away the random garbage left behind, he thinks maybe not tonight… He doesn’t want to ask a question that might make you leave. But then again…what if it makes you stay?

"Chop chop, supersoldier," you admonish him as he continues to watch, staring dreamily at you. Your back is to him so you can't see his face, but you can feel the weight of his gaze.

Bucky follows your lead, tossing away the empty cups and putting away the leftover food and drinks while you wipe down the counter.

It really wasn't that much of a mess, but you're glad to get it cleaned now, so you won't have to worry about it tomorrow.

Wait...why would you be worried about it tomorrow? This isn't your apartment. God, you really are always over here, aren't you...

You turn to Bucky as he ties off the bag of trash.

You just look at him for a minute. Admiring him from mere feet away while he does the same to you. It's quiet between the two of you, but you can feel the charged silence as it brims with words unsaid.

You know what you want to do right now. But you do what you think you should instead.

"I guess I'll head out, then."

"Oh," he breathes.

"Oh?"

"I just, uh,” he shakes his head, "Never mind."

"No, what is it?" you prod, now entirely curious.

Bucky's bright eyes flash back up to yours and you see him search for what to say instead of saying what was on his mind.

"Your grapes," he remembers, turning to the fridge to get them for you, "you didn't eat them."

"Oh, yeah, well, too late now," you laugh softly.

"What's your resolution?" he asks.

"That's not how the grapes work, Bucky."

"Come on," he goads. "What's your resolution? I wanna know."

"Hmm. Well, good question," you think for a moment, watching him as he rinses off a bunch, then pulls two grapes from their stems. You mindlessly purse your lips as you think. "I want to be less scared," you start quietly, eyes meeting his intent gaze, when he looks back at you, "More confident," you add with a little nod.

"You, more confident?" he asks. "You're one of the most confident people I know. And I know Thor," he adds, getting the laugh he was hoping for from you.

You shrug, "Fake it til you make it." You give a soft, almost sad smile. It physically hurts him to see that hint of sadness in your eyes, and he wants nothing more than to do whatever he can to take it away. He hands you one of the two grapes and you raise a brow as you take it.

"And you?"

Your heart rate kicks up as he steps close, invading your space and standing right before you.

"I…would like to communicate better."

You huff a laugh, tittering, "Yeah, that's a good one."

"Let's both start right now," he says, holding up his grape.

"Okay. Let's," you hold up your own grape, bumping it into Bucky's as if you were toasting before you both pop your own grape into your mouth, stupid smiles on both of your faces.

As you finish, Bucky takes a step closer, surprising you as you look up to him. A bit of deja vu coming over you as you swallow hard. You wait a long breath for him to say something. And then he finally does.

"So. This is me, trying to communicate better: I'm not really sorry that I kissed you. Either time. And if I'm being entirely honest, I'd really like to kiss you again right now."

You're stunned silent and you think you can hear your blood rushing in your ears as you blink up at him.

It takes you a moment before you think you can respond, but Bucky speaks again before you do.

"But I'm not going to do that. Because I want to do this right. In fact, I've been wanting to do this right for months."

"Bucky?" you murmur quietly.

"Doll, will you do me the pleasure of accompanying me to dinner and a movie this Friday?" he asks sincerely.

Your mouth is dry and you have to force yourself to swallow hard again so you can speak. "We always do dinner and movies on Fridays," you point out.

"I mean as a date," he clarifies, holding himself to his resolution.

You stare at him, unsure of what to say. Well, that's not true. You know what you want to say. You know what you want to do. You want to say yes, and you want to lean into him again and indulge him in one more kiss, because you want to kiss him as badly as he wants to kiss you. But that terrified voice in the back of your head is currently telling you to make a run for home as fast as you can. You want to fight the fear, really you do.

Bucky is keeping his resolution already, you're just not sure if you can do the same.

"Uhm," you drone awkwardly.

He laughs that nervous laugh you rarely get to hear...the one you love.

"Is that a yes?" he asks with a hopeful wince.

It takes you a second and then your mouth moves before your brain does as you respond to him.

You stand there, a bit shocked at your own answer, and not entirely sure where to go from here...

[anadiasmount]

OKAY OKAY BUT LISTEN TO THIS you and jude are at a family dinner with his family and you wanted to mess around with him so you sent him a dirty text. he reads it and looks at you in shock because why tf are you sending this rn? then he starts to play with you on that table (thigh touching etc etc) then he’s like come to the restroom with me and you’re like no no we’re not doing anything here, edging him :)

this is so 😵‍💫, also making me feel so 🧟‍♀️… something about doing something you can get caught for or you shouldn’t be doing is always such a thrill 😋😵‍💫

the dinner was a last minute idea and you agreed with no hesitation bc you loved to hang out with his family, especially his mom as you could talk about hours for absolutely anything. either during a coffee/tea break, cooking, anything you name it.

this wasn’t any different, your social battery was full by the time you got to jude’s parents house. you wore a simple of the shoulder long sleeve top and a shirt pencil skirt, nothing to dramatic or over the top, do to the cold freezing weather out. during the evening as you all laughed cooked, played card games it was running out.

you hadn’t been paying attention, getting distracted by the center piece and candles lit. you ate your food slowly trying to savor the moment but yet felt the need for some excitement, to feel a thrill of some sort. you loved the tingly sensation that ran up your spine at the thought of doing something you weren’t supposed to do.

you giggled inwardly, trying to shake of the excitement that ran through your veins. jude spoke quietly amongst his family and a few family friends that arrived later on. you quickly pulled out your phone, hiding it below the table onto your thigh. you opened and reassured you clicked on jude’s contact before sending him a text.

to jude:

left me wanting for more this morning, so not fair, judey. had to use my fingers but i couldn’t make myself cum like you do…

you looked around before sending the text, jude laughing at something jobe had said before feeling a ping on his pocket. you leaned on the table, a hand placed below your chin as you sparked a conversation with his mom about making plans later on the week, acting nonchalant and innocent. you did catch jude’s reaction, his brows pulled in as he took a heavy gulp. jude cleared his throat and reached for his drink taking a large sip as he looked over you.

you smirked knowing you had his attention. his large hand wrapped on your thigh giving you a squeeze, before raking his fingertips on the skin, causing goosebumps to immediately appear. he looked down at you, with a stern still slight shocked but serious look on his face. he gave you a “what are you doing?” face, hand reaching further up your thigh.

you stopped his hand movements, shaking your head with a teasing smile. jude raised his brow before his attention went back to the guest. you discreetly pulled out your phone again, looking around before clicking send on the second text with a huge grin on your face.

to jude:

got your attention, baby. ik you want me, this morning wasn’t enough to fulfill either of us. i want you so bad judeeee, for your to fill me up with your fingers or maybe cock…

*attachment file sent: 1*

you pulled out a picture of some new lingerie you bought earlier that week, his favorite color white on you, with a pushed up bra, a thong left with little to no imagination… with no hesitation you sent to jude. two pings followed behind and vibrated his pocket once again.

you innocently made conversation with the table, no hints made as to why you suddenly sparked up a conversation. jude shifted in his seat, sitting up straight as his hand come to your bum, giving you a firm squeeze before smoothing out the area. he leaned down to your ear, voice husky and deep as he spoke “don’t start something you can’t finish darling…”

you clenched your thighs together, feeling a bubble build in your stomach at his words, quite frankly it didn’t help when he gave your thigh another squeeze and his fingers reaching the lacy underwear you wore. he traced around your clit, adding no pressure just fingers tracing around where you most wanted him to touch.

when his cold fingers reached inside your underwear, you gasped and giggled loudly, earning a few stares as you had leaned forward to grip the table. “got a leg cramp, continue on…” you quickly spoke, looking at jude who had a cocky stare in his face. you went to reach for your phone again, but then decided to give him a taste of his own medicine.

one can play two…

your smaller hand managed to reach jude’s lap, teasingly running it along his thigh, before palming his cock. your thumb had traced over where his tip was clothed earning a dry cough from jude attempting to hide the groan he let out. “wouldn’t speak so soon, jude…”

you removed your hand quickly, biting the inside of your cheek as jude clenched his jaw once again, not loving the idea of being teased and now left with a hard on. he was perfectly fine, but you had to pull out a move that left him wanting more. he knew this morning and not been enough for either of you, and he thought about you all day he was gone.

it was a delight to see you act so innocently and a good girl for everyone in the room. but jude knew behind closed doors it was so different, such a good girl for him and only him, always begging for more and more ashe made you cum over and over again.

the picture you sent him was driving him insane, hands itching to pull you into his lap to give you the attention you needed, for him to feel your skin squirm around in his touch. even if it was the smallest touch, it had you wanting for more. why couldn’t you have just started this after you left his parents home??

“come with me to the bathroom…” he ordered making you rapidly shake your head no. your hand returned to his thigh, dangerously close to his now hard cock that could be visibly be seen clothed. “come with me y/n…” he said again, not in the mood for games. if you started it, you would have to finish it. “we’re not doing this here jude… should’ve thought about that this morning before leaving me all alone like that,” you kissed his cheek, a smirk on your lips as you spoke again with his mom.

“how about we pull out the dessert? the red velvet cake with white frosting?”

jude was in for a long run, and you wouldn’t be quick to cave in after he left you this morning. you would drag it as much as necessary, leaving jude breathless, horny and harder than ever.

[mysterystarz]

black tie losers

geto suguru x f!reader

in which you’re at a charity gala and come to the realization that maybe being best friends with suguru is no longer an option

a/n: when i thought of this i ran to write bc geto in a suit

feedback is so appreciated <3

“stay still. if you keep moving, you’re going to look like a clown.”

geto sits in front of you on a stool, tie messily done up as he holds a lipliner pencil in his hands. he’s grinning at his work — because true to his words, you looked like a clown.

“suguru, you can’t line lips for shit.” you sigh, rummaging through your things to find some makeup remover. “remind me why i let you do this again?”

geto laughs, grinning at you in a way that was oddly wholesome. “because i wanted to help you get ready for tonight. there’s nothing better than taking credit for the date on my arm.”

date indeed—a platonic one.

you and geto were attending your university’s biggest charity gala tonight. as one of the most successful black tie events on campus, each attendee was required to look straight out of vogue magazine to ensure they raised enough money to make a difference.

geto—ever the gentleman—asked you to be his date. he wouldn’t get hounded by the customary droves of girls, and you’d have someone to match with.

of course, being your best friend, he decided to help you get ready.

he watched patiently as you dabbed the streak of lipliner away, smiling gently when you turned back to meet his eyes. he wordlessly moved forward to cup your cheeks, finishing up lining your cupids bow.

“there,” he said softly, “now some lipstick.” you gestured to the various tubes on your desk as you moved to dust some highlighter on your cheeks.

geto picked a particularly lovely shade and smoothly glided it across your lips. he seemed proud at his handiwork, beaming at you happily as soon as he finished.

“take a look,” he smirked, and you did just that. the mirror showed you someone beautiful.

somehow, stupid suguru had actually done a good job.

“nice job,” you mumbled, feeling oddly shy beneath his gaze. he cleaned up nice tonight—a bit too nice. so nice that you weren’t sure how to act around him when he attempted to tie his tie.

“you mean sensational job,” he laughed, flinging his tie around. “also please help. i can’t do this.”

you sighed as you moved closer to fix his tie. you could catch a whiff of his cologne — something fresh and oddly mouthwatering and it nearly made you screw up the final flip of the fabric.

suguru was acting a bit different, and it was driving you crazy. his presence was much closer than usual, and with every passing day, it seemed impossible to ignore the glaringly obvious fact that’d been looming over you for weeks.

geto suguru, your best friend, was an extremely attractive man.

you still weren’t sure how to handle this information. so far, it’d been unwarranted blushes and a whole lot of random butterflies where there shouldn’t be.

you supposed the gala would give you time to think—but you were wrong.

geto walked in through the ornately decorated doors with a smile, an arm threaded through his hair and the other wrapped around your waist. from this point, you could see all your fellow students interacting with the heads of various charities, and donations racking up by the second.

suguru stayed close, his touch firm and steady and searing and confusing in ways you couldn’t understand.

“would you like to explore a bit?” he whispered, his lips brushing your ear.

too flustered to speak, you wordlessly nodded as he dragged you to the photo booth at the edge of the venue.

“these are awesome,” he laughed, holding up a particularly unclassy mustache prop. you cringed, distancing yourself as much as you good within the tiny space to show your disapproval.

suguru pulled you closer again, his hands caressing your waist in a way that was more reverent than anything you’d ever felt. he was too close…it was too much.

he leaned close to you, gently pressing his forehead against yours.

“maybe i did too good of a job tonight,” he said lowly, tracing your lips with his finger.

“suguru,” you breathed out, “what is going on?”

he pulled away grinning. “you had a dusting of highlighter a bit too close to this one spot of your nose. i had to distract you so you wouldn’t stop me from touching your face.”

you groaned in frustration while suguru posed jubilantly for the camera.

the gala was beautiful. the pictures with suguru were super candid. neither of those were your major takeaways.

as you returned to your room for the night, you knew one thing for certain. suguru geto had become someone more than a best friend to you and there was nothing you could do about it.

unknown to you, suguru fell asleep that night dreaming of you, and all the ways he’d kiss you if he had the chance.

[floralpromise]

Just floating around // Rafayel x f!reader

Summary: Since the beach would be too crowded, Rafayel has to find a creative solution to it.

Warnings: Probs some ooc Rafayel bc I'm not used to writing for him. Some lore so slightly spoilers? (like what he is etc and some aspects from "ebb and flow"). Some silly fic bc somehow I can see Rafayel do something like that? Let me know if I missed any more warnings.

Genre: fluff, sfw.

Word count: 705.

Rafayel was lying on a floatie, floating around in the pool that was set up in the middle of his living room. A pair of black sunglasses rested on his nose as he was holding a glass in his hand with a colorful cocktail. A yellow straw and a red parasol in it as well.

Since it was a hot and sunny day in Linkon, Rafayel didn't feel like going to the beach, knowing it would be crowded with people who wanted to take a dive in the cold seawater. And so, Rafayel preferred to float around in his own pool in the safety of his own studio.

He rested his free hand behind his head, his tail slightly moving up and down as the edges dipped in the cold water. Blue scales adore his face and body. He felt beyond relaxed, forgetting about the unfinished painting that was hanging on the wall, waiting for him to finish it, but the Lemurian hadn't touched his pencils today and wasn't planning to do so. There was no rush in finishing it, not that he was able to do so since his inspiration wasn't really there and the hot weather wasn't helping either.

He peered up from under his sunglasses when he heard the door open and being closed again, watching your figure appear in his eyesight. A smile tugged at his lips as he watched your face, trying to read your emotions.

"Rafayel, what the-" You muttered as you placed your bag down and slowly started to approach the pool. "Couldn't go to the beach." He shrugged in response as you rolled your eyes at his words. "So you brought the beach here." You huffed as he simply shrugged. "It helps me spark my inspiration." He spoke, nodding his head towards the unfinished painting.

"That's what you said yesterday when we went out for food, and also the day before yesterday when we went to the beach to collect some stuff." You reminded him of how he had been procrastinating the past few things. "It's hot outside, a heat wave! Not my fault they didn't predict the weather right." He huffed, another excuse for his procrastinating. You stopped in front of the pool, staring at the artist all relaxed on his floatie.

He patted the floatie, on the tiny spot still free for you to take. "No, we both know you'll end up pushing me off." You refused as you crossed your arms. Rafayel furrowed his brows and a small pout formed on his lips. "How ridiculous of you to even say that!" He huffed, slightly dramatically raising his voice. "Denying my invitation for cuddles. So rude to deny a Lemurian" He grumbled, pushing the sunglasses back on his nose before taking an aggressive sip from his drink.

"And what if I drown? Would you rescue me or would you just walk away?" Rafayel went on. "You are a fish, Raf. You can't drown." You waved him off. "Fish can drown if they don't have enough oxygen in the water." Rafayel pointed out. "Please join me, it's getting all cold and lonely out here, alone in the ocean." He sighed, making dramatic movements with his arms.

You sighed and kicked your shoes out and took off your socks, dropping them near your feet before you stepped into the water. The temperature was nice, not too cold but cold enough to be refreshing. And not too hot, but hot enough to enjoy it. The water temperature was pretty much perfect.

A smug smile formed on Rafayel's lips as he watched you approach him, arms wide open as he made a bit more room for you on the floatie. The moment you reached him, he was fast enough to lean forward and pull you straight into his arms, only to make the floatie sway back and forth.

You yelped, afraid the two of you would fall over but nothing happened. You let out a relieved breath as you positioned yourself in a comfortable position on the floaties, his arms safely wrapped around you as he rested his head on your shoulder. "Happy?" You asked him as you playfully rolled your eyes. "Very." He nodded with a playful smile.

[gooeyringtown]

Can you do a head canon on Barbie/Gloria in the same verse as the movie? Like they are a couple because OBVI, but with your interpretation on...

who wakes up first?

who is most protective?

who is quick to jealousy?

who is the big spoon?

yes absolutely!! i did quite a lot LMAO so i'm gonna put a little cut-off

*slight nsfw warning for some

who wakes up first? : gloria, usually. barbie is a HEAVYY sleeper and snores very softly and gloria thinks it's very cute.

who is most protective? : both. gloria primarily because barbie is new (at first) to the world and she knows how unnecessarily nasty some people can be. barbie is protective in the sense that she carefully watches how everybody speaks to and treats gloria, especially considering the fact that she knows how futile gloria can sometimes feel.

who is quick to jealousy? : both. but more-so barbie. she has big feelings and they're quick to get the best of her (gloria thinks it's hot)

who is the big spoon? : i love this one and i think barbie would be, even though she's the more gentle one. she loves the idea of being big and strong and protective over gloria, and gloria would adore it sm

who is more affectionate: barbie in public. gloria in private. (she's a huge softie for barbie and 100% always seeks her out for cuddles or a kiss on the cheek, or hand-holding, etc. especially after a day at work and EXTRA when barbie is being cute. which is always.)

who's most likely to apologize after an argument: gloria. i think they're both very rational, but barbie is a bit more stubborn and also an overthinker, so it can be tough to gather up her thoughts and feelings. by the time she wants to apologize, gloria already has.

who makes the first move and how?: both. but gloria starts it. she gets home from a really long, tiring day at work, remembering that sasha had mentioned a project she needed help on, and she's just exhausted. she walks into the house, though, to see barbie at the dining table helping sasha with said-project, nearly finished. dinner's also made on the stove. barbie beams at her and welcomes her home, giving her a big hug and gushing excitedly about how she and sasha worked so hard. sasha goes upstairs to put her stuff away, and barbie has pencil stains on her hand and face, her hair a little windswept, and she looks so simple and so perfect, and gloria says "kiss me." so barbie does.

who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?: gloria. she doesn't mean to be; she just has some of those days once in a while where everything can feel so difficult. she usually feels better with some alone time. barbie is very understanding of that and loves to set up gloria's home studio with some art supplies and candles and books just in case gloria wants to spend some time in there. she'll also make her some tea/coffee if gloria feels like it

who is the most romantic?: barbie. she is very silly at first as she gets the hang of it (she nearly gets arrested again for trespassing on private property to pick some of gloria's favorite flowers from a garden) but that woman is a LOVERBOY

who can’t keep their hands to themselves?: depends which way… if u mean generally touchy, barbie. if u mean in the saucy way, GLORIA.

who says ‘I love you’ first?: barbie. she says it very passively bc she thought it was obvious, and gloria cries. barbie is kind of like 🧍🏼‍♀️

what do they get up to on a night out?: i feel like they'd love to go to a pottery class where they make stuff for each other. or an arcade. but mainly i think they'd LOVE to go to one of those places where they give you a cake that's already made/baked and you just decorate it. they'd have so much fun and afterwards they'd probably stay up late at home, eating it in the kitchen and just talking for hours

who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings?: barbie

who cried the most at graduation?: BARBIE LMAO. SHE WAS SOBBING.

who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law?: barbie bc she's like 'i've been there, girl.'

what do they like in bed?: barbie likes to be rough sometimes. she also has a thing for gloria whimpering/moaning right into her ear. little bit of a thing for size. and riding. gets super turned on when gloria gets off on her stomach. gloria likes a bit of dirty talk. queen of giving head. lovessss whispering against barbie's lips while she fingers her slowly. has a thing for marks/bruises, espeically leaving them. teasing/edging barbie is her favorite thing, to the point where barbie gets insanely frustrated (sometimes it results in her getting extra rough and flipping them over)

did any of their friends or family want them to get together?: yes. pretty much everybody. gloria's family thinks barbie is absolutely adorable and they could see how much happier gloria became with her around. sasha, ofc, is barbiegloria's biggest shipper but has to be cool about it

who felt romantic feelings first?: ok i think the obvious answer would be barbie, but i hc it as both. though gloria's were much more level and she was like "fuck." and internally panicked and tried to approach it reasonably, whereas barbie was like OH MY GODDDD IM IN LOVE 😭🥹🥹💘 SHE'S THE LOVE OF MY LIFEEEEEE

did either of them try to resist their feelings?: yes. gloria mainly because she feared the change would be too drastic for sasha and couldn't help but imagine if things didn't work out, how messy it could become

what would their lives be like if they had never met?: barbie would be that packaged box of perfection, but without substance and completely superficial. she would have never known imperfection and the joys of being human and the immeasurable beauty in all the mundane things like reading a book, trying a new food, hearing a pretty song. gloria would be lost to the feeling of those impossible standards and spend her life never being free. never feeling good enough. they truly do liberate one another

were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)?: gloria was barbie's first everything. barbie was gloria's first love, and the only true one. also the one that outlived and outshined all the others

what’s their height difference? age difference?: gloria is 5'1 and barbie is 5'10 idc. barbie is like 34/35 and gloria is 37

who whispers inappropriate things in the other’s ear?: gloria into barbie's ear, all the time. but once barbie starts doing it, she LOVESSS it. she's so cheeky. and gloria is always death staring her bc she knows damn well they can't do anything

what kind of nicknames do they call each other?: gloria calls barbie honey, mi amor, baby. barbie calls gloria love/my love, babe, and baby also.

who remembers the little things?: barbie mostly.

who’s the stricter parent?: gloria

who worries the most?: gloria. because barbie can be very not careful with some things (like she's still understanding the concept of fire being very hot)

who kills the bugs in the house?: barbie. but she feels bad about it later on and stays up thinking about it sometimes

how do they celebrate holidays?: with gloria's family!

who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning?: barbieeeee. gloria can't resist that pout and sleepy face

Who’s the better cook?: gloria. her cooking skills are AMAZINGGGGG

who likes to dance?: gloria!! she loves dancing and is great at it omg. that woman can MOVE. she always makes barbie dance with her at family events or any parties where there's music and a dancefloor

bonus random hcs i have written down:

barbie is very athletic and plays beach volleyball and does karate. she works CRAZY hard to get her purple belt, all so she can let sasha have it because that's sasha's favorite color

barbie grows her own roses to make gloria a bouquet for mother's day

gloria teaches barbie how to swim. (barbie has to wear those little kid floaties)

barbie takes her youtube videos very seriously and will be up at like 1am watching a 45 minute video on some shit like how a gecko hatches or something. she'll bump gloria like 'babe look' even though gloria is asleep

they have a little thing they do where they get those paint-by-number sets and do them together. they're collecting them<33

sasha makes barbie do the fire noodle challenge (barbie is sick for like a day)

when barbie gets her first cut/scab, sasha gets her a band-aid and barbie tears up and is all like 'thank you so much sasha. it's beautiful' while petting the band-aid

sasha is like wtf

barbie learns about mood rings and thinks they're actually magical and is so excited to wear it

sasha is like 'i'm gonna tell her it's all based on temperature.' and gloria is all 'no you're not!!'

sasha is a d&d fiend on the dl and barbie asks her about it one day

they proceed to nerd out together

barbie becomes ENAMORED with dragons

barbie and gloria have a shared journal and they take turns writing in it every night before bed

they also have their own book club where they read a book together (barbie especially loves it bc gloria usually reads a chapter or two for them before bed while barbie lays hugging gloria's stomach and gloria plays with her hair.)

ok that's all for now... if i think of any more hcs, i'll make a separate post/pt.2 ☺️

thank you sm for the ask! i hope you like these!!🩷

[ideasarestuckinmyhead]

Faust with a Star who's an artist and asks him to pose for drawings (HCs/Short Story, whichever works for you!!)

Draw me like one of your French girls!

Bc of how cute this idea was I made it both <33

Loves being your model, doing poses you need with ease as you sketch it quickly

Honestly if you called him your muse he's giggling while telling you to stop (continue doing it he loves it so much)

If you need a specific pose he let's you move his body as you want it

Also 100% down changing outfits if you need to use them as a reference as well, he's basically Barbie with how many outfits he'll change in to

Makes silly jokes about the titanic how he's the Rose to your Jack.

When you finish the work he asks if he could post and brag about his awesome artist partner!

If you posted it already he's sharing it to all his social media platforms. Giggling as everyone complements how amazing it is

During streams he always talks about how you drew him again saying how loved he is by a artist.

"Like this?" Asking as he posed in front of Star. Looking at them with a soft smile, relaxing into the couch he lounged on. Faust's partner turned their head and smiled at the pose.

"Perfect! Your such an amazing poser! My muse!" Praising him, Star grabbed their pencil and started to sketch the base of how his body in on the couch. Preening Faust giggles hearing the nickname he loved so much.

"Is this for another commission?" Questioning, Faust watched as his artist's hand flys across the canvas. Quickly capturing how the pose is, he always loved seeing them work. It was like magic how they formed a blank surface into art.

"Yep! Red, is what he said to call him wanted an exact picture to that of Rose from the titanic. But it would be his partner." Mumbling Star's eyes shifted back and forth. From to canvas at their side to Faust posing in front of them so perfectly.

"Oh? Even naked? How scandalous~" Giggling as he wiggled his eye brows. Causing Star to snort at him, but then nodded as they recall the commission agreement.

"I know right? He got consent from his partner to send me a nude picture. Hopefully I do it justice!" Sighing out, Star remembered the first commission they did with a naked model. "I swear if I butcher it I'll quit art."

Faust pouted at that, but then remembered how distraught Star was when the commission was turned down. They tried redoing it multiple times but the commissioner just didn't like it. Huffing out Faust turned his head to them and spoke.

"Well if that person wasn't sooo picky! You wouldn't have felt bad. You redid it like....a thousand times! Honestly I wonder if they were just trolling you...." Mumbling out the last part, Faust saw Star shaking their head. Causing him to roll his eyes, Faust wishes they could see how their art was perfect and amazing.

"But still, I only need the pose then I can work from there. You wanna watch me work again? Might take longer than expected." Whispering as they focused on the canvas. Letting Faust think it over then sighing at them, shaking his head slightly.

"Can't there's this new game out I got sponsored for to play and I gotta do that before it'd deadline. Maybe when your done with this commission we can play together?" Asking hopefully, Star was on a break from gaming. To focus on finishing the few commissions they landed. Once again his partner shook their head, giving him a sad smile.

"I'm sorry muse, but I'll make it up by playing with you on Friday. I wanna focus on this commission. Don't worry I won't push myself that far." Giggling out the last bit. However Faust gave them a look, to be serious about the breaks and not pushing too far.

"I swear if you accidently don't eat for a day like last time and get sick. I'm killing you. With love of course." Smiling innocently as he batted his lashes. Star nodded at their partner, better to agree or it'll be a long conversation.

"Of course my muse, my moon, love of my life-" Babbling nicknames for him, Faust gave them another look to stop talking or they'll focus on praising him.

"Oops! Well, I'll sing your praises another day. Now, let me fix your pose real quick I think you moved a bit too much." Mumbling out as Star got up and tweaked with the pose a bit.

[lucajayms]

i sincerely apologize for the rant

pre bullets gerard plsplsplspls!!!! they have an office crush at cartoon network then she moves away without telling anyone and they replace her (CUBICLES BEST SONG EVER) so then he just keeps wondering what may have happened, until mcr are playing like in another city during revenge era then mikey sees her in the crowd before a show and he goes to gerard right before going onstage and its like hey gerard remember that girl you talked about 24/7 in 2001, shes here tonight. and gee just freaks out while trying to play down the whole performance becase hes scared she wont like the whole fake blood/gay/screaming thing. then they finish the performance and he goes to find her and shes like all happy bc she knew he was gonna do much better things than to work at a shitty office. and shes a big comic book artist and does really weid like blood and vampire stuff so shes so happy that gerard also does weird blood vampire stuff. and then theyre happy and then the umbrella academy happens and yea

yea youre free to ignore this, i just have too much free time to imagine shit like this 👍

HELP I LOVE THIS SO SO MUCH!

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CUBICLES

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gerard way x reader she/her used use of y/n

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masterlist

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warnings: swearing!

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"Maybe you could draw her more like this to bring out the background more so she's not just stiff," I instructed him. Gerard is a very talented artist, he just has a little bit of trouble deciding what to put where.

"But I feel like if she was a little different, due to her design, she'd go flat," Gerard argues, putting his pencil where he was describing.

I sigh as I place my hand delicately to my chin, trying to see what he's talking about. The deadline is soon and he's not done pitching these characters. "Honestly, Gerard? Whatever feels right. You'll get her."

"You sure?" He asks, seeking confirmation in my words.

I smile, nodding my head, "Yeah. Deadline is tomorrow, just do whatever feels right!" I say before I'm off to my cubicle to continue my project.

I knew he was looking at me. For weeks now, it had become a pattern—one I could almost draw if I could figure out how to capture that lingering gaze in ink. He thought he was subtle, keeping his distance and asking me barely relevant questions about some “project” or “character design” he’d been working on. Gerard was charming, though; there was no denying that. Quiet, a little too good at staring at his desk, and adorably oblivious to how easy it was to read him.

“Hey, uh, (Y/N)?” I looked up from my sketchbook, where I’d been mindlessly drawing a graveyard scene—something I had an odd fascination with lately. Gerard was standing there, hands stuffed in his pockets, wearing that awkward half-smile that looked better on him than it should.

“Gerard,” I said, glancing up with a smirk. “To what do I owe the honor?”

He chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. “I…uh…just wanted to see what you were working on.”

I flipped my sketchbook shut, even though I knew he was dying to see what I’d been drawing. “Just some stuff. You’d probably think it’s too creepy.”

“Try me.”

Maybe it was because I wanted to test him, see how he’d react to what was under the surface, but I opened the book back up and turned it to face him. His eyes widened as he took in the vampires, blood, and dark cemeteries I’d sprawled across the pages.

“You…actually drew all of this?”

I shrugged, trying to keep my cool. “It’s not much. Just whatever’s in my head.”

He laughed, this soft, surprised sound. “Whatever’s in your head is amazing.” He paused, his eyes lingering a second too long.

I grinned, leaning back in my chair. “Well maybe not everything, Way.” I tossed my pen onto my desk, feigning nonchalance. “Can’t have too many weirdos like me around. Bad for the office’s reputation.”

And that's why I left.

Maybe I should’ve told him I was leaving. I hated the idea of going without a goodbye, but part of me figured I’d see him again. He’d get over it. Life had a way of carrying people in different directions, and honestly? I couldn’t stand the thought of another month behind that desk. I needed to be somewhere I could let these ideas out, somewhere that didn’t expect me to keep my weirdness behind a closed sketchbook.

The day I left, I watched the office fade from my rearview mirror, fingers tapping the steering wheel as a familiar guilt crept in. I didn’t leave him my number or my address or even a hint of where I’d gone. Some part of me hoped he’d figure it out. But after that, there was just silence.

Gerard

She left without a word. Just…gone. I tried to keep going like I didn’t notice, told myself it wasn’t a big deal. But the absence gnawed at me, creeping into every sketch and unfinished character. (Y/N) was gone, and I had no clue where she’d gone or why. I stopped asking questions after a while, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The thought became like an echo in my mind, constant and inescapable, pushing me to drown it out with anything I could find.

And I did.

One show after another, one drink, one line, whatever I could find to keep the silence at bay. The stage helped a little—at least there, I had the lights in my eyes and the noise blocking out the mess in my head. I’d stand in front of the crowd, hands dripping with fake blood, trying to exorcise whatever pieces of myself felt missing. But then the high would fade, and I’d be left in a dark room, trying to ignore the question that refused to die.

Where did she go?

I kept the band going, kept pretending it didn’t matter, kept letting the weight build. It wasn’t like I had any choice. The shows were packed, and the screams of the crowd felt like both a relief and a punishment. They had no idea. No idea that some days, it felt like I’d never get off this damn ride, that maybe I’d crash and burn right here. But something shifted in 2004. I couldn’t explain it—maybe it was seeing my friends’ faces or feeling the burn of another empty night. But I knew that if I kept going like this, I’d lose everything. I’d lose myself.

I finally made the decision to clean up, and in August 2004, I was clean. Free. My body hated me for it, and my brain wasn’t much friendlier, but I had to get clean. I couldn’t keep living on the edge of destruction. Every day after that, it felt like I was shedding pieces of the person I’d become just to survive. By the time I left, I was…well, I was alive. And that had to be enough.

It had been nearly a year since I’d gotten clean, and for the first time, it felt like I could really breathe on stage again. I could look out at the faces in the crowd and see them. Really see them, not just the blur of movement and lights I’d been numbing myself to. This was what I’d always wanted. This was where I wanted to be.

"MANHATTAN!" I scream into the mic and the crowd before more goes wild. "We are going to FUCK SOME SHIT UP TONIGH!"

And as I say that, Mikey plays the beginning of Give Em' Hell Kid. The set goes without hiccups, the crowd is perfect, and the most I've seen in a few weeks. Right as we leave the stage before the encore, Frank grabs me by my collar.

"Holy shit, Gee," He starts, and concern bubbles in my stomach. Did I do something wrong?

"What? What is it?"

He shakes his head vigorously, "I don't know if I'm tripping, but I swear to God I saw the girl you keep drawing in the crowd."

Fuck.

"What?!" I exclaim.

"Thirty seconds to encore!" One of the stagehands yells.

"Frank, where did you see her?" I ask, frantic. There's no possible way she could be here tonight. Why would she be here tonight.

"Our left, by the barricade. I think?" He explains, looking up to recount exactly where he saw her. My heart thuds against my ribcage as Frank’s words sink in, and I feel my throat tighten. (Y/N)? Here? After all these years?

"Ten seconds!" the stagehand yells, clapping his hands. Mikey shoots me a quick look, and Frank gives me a small, reassuring nod. There’s no time to think or even process—I’m barely holding onto the last traces of composure as we rush back on stage. I grab the mic, trying to get my focus back on the crowd, but every nerve in me is lit up, wondering if (Y/N) is really here tonight.

“MANHATTAN!” I shout again, forcing energy into my voice, hoping it’s enough to cover the wild surge of emotions that’s slamming through me. “YOU READY FOR ONE LAST ROUND?”

The crowd screams, and the band jumps into Helena, the encore I should be ready to pour my soul into. But all I can think about is her—her face, the way she used to sketch, her laugh. The lights are blinding, and I try to keep my focus on the crowd, but my eyes keep searching, desperate to find a glimpse of her. I don’t know if I’m imagining it, but by the end of the song, I swear I see her—a flash of her hair, bright eyes, her face half-turned away in the crush of people, but unmistakably her.

The song ends, and we give a final shout before exiting the stage. As soon as we’re out of sight of the crowd, I turn to Frank, breathless.

“You’re absolutely sure it was her?” I ask, gripping his shoulder.

“Fuck, I don't know how accurate your drawings are,” he says, his voice serious. “Bit it was her, Gee. I’m sure of it.”

“Holy shit,” I breathe, running a hand through my hair as the adrenaline surges through me again. "Where do I even start looking?"

Frank raises an eyebrow. “I’d start by getting your ass back out there before she disappears again. You just finished the show. You’ve got maybe five minutes before the crowd starts spilling out.”

I don’t waste another second. I dart down the steps, half-running, half-pushing past crew members as I head toward the audience exit. It feels like the longest, most insane few minutes of my life, weaving through the backstage area until finally, I’m in the thick of the crowd, scanning every face I can. And then—I see her.

She’s lingering by the side of the barricade, glancing around, half-smiling to herself like she might leave at any moment. She’s a little older, a little different, but I’d know her anywhere. I take a deep breath, feeling my hands start to shake, and then I call out, loud enough to cut through the noise.

“(Y/N)!”

She turns, her eyes finding mine, and for a moment, it’s like everything around us goes still. Her face lights up, and I swear I feel that same electricity that ran between us in the office all those years ago.

"Oh my god, you guys did so good!" She laughed, too, shaking her head. “Gee, look at you! Rockstar Gerard. I always knew you’d end up doing something wild, but I never expected…” She gestured at my blood-stained shirt and smeared makeup. “This.”

I rubbed the back of my neck, heat creeping up my face. “Yeah, well, it’s, uh, a little different from Cartoon Network, that’s for sure. But I never thought I’d see you at a show.”

“Oh, please,” she grinned, giving me a playful nudge. “I knew you’d be doing something big. You were always too talented to be stuck behind a desk, remember?”

I laughed, surprised by the surge of relief that came with her words. “Guess it’s been a while since anyone told me that.”

She softened, and something flickered across her face. “I'm sorry I disappeared. I had to move, and things got in the way, and…” Her voice trailed off, and she shrugged, a little awkwardly. “I never thought we’d run into each other again.”

“Same here,” I admitted, looking down. “But I’m glad we did. Even if it’s, uh…” I glanced at my blood-streaked hands, shaking my head. “Like this.”

She laughed, a bright, genuine sound, and I felt my nerves ease a little. “Honestly, I kind of love it. I’m doing comics, Gee. Lots of, you know…gory, bloody, vampire stuff. Seems like we’re both into weird stuff now.”

“Every time I go into a comicbook store, I look for your name.” I say, feeling a familiar spark of admiration light up in my chest.

“Yeah, well,” she shrugged, but her smile told me she was proud. “I kept drawing, kept pushing for it, and here we are. I got some stuff out that's been somewhat successful, but you—you’re the one really living the dream.”

It felt surreal, standing there with her, years and miles from where we’d left off. She was still (Y/N)—the girl who got me, who somehow saw through everything. But she was different, too. Confident, sharp, like she’d grown in ways I never got to see. And she was right here.

We fell into silence, the crowd thinning around us. Finally, I took a deep breath. “You know, after you left…I wasn’t great, to be honest.”

Her brow furrowed, and she gave me a sympathetic look. “I figured,” she said quietly. “It was a pretty messed-up time for both of us.”

I nodded, knowing she got it. “Yeah, I got pretty lost for a while. It took me…a lot to get back on track, but I’m good now. Clean, you know? And I’m just trying to keep my head on straight, one show at a time.”

She smiled, reaching out to squeeze my shoulder. “Good,” she said, her voice full of warmth. “That’s what you deserve, Gerard. You don’t need anything dragging you down.”

I felt something click into place then—a kind of peace I hadn’t felt in years. “Thanks, (Y/N). Really.”

She grinned, glancing around like she was taking in the whole scene again. “Hey, I think we’re due for a major coffee catch-up. I want to hear everything.”

I chuckled, feeling that old sense of ease wash over me. “Deal,” I said, grinning back. “But only if you show me your sketchbooks. I wanna see all the vampire blood and gore.”

She laughed, rolling her eyes. “You got it. Only fair, since I’ve got a feeling you’ve been drawing me for years anyway.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, and together, we walked out into the night, talking like no time had passed at all. And this time, I knew she wasn’t going anywhere.

(Y/N)

What a fucking life. Leaving Gerard like that in 2001 did something to me, you know? Fucked me up. I felt really fucking bad.

But it's okay. We're good. And by good? I mean my boyfriend is the fucking lead singer of My Chemical Romance. Like, who gets to say that?!

After their final tour ended, Gerard was bugging me more and more about his comic that he was writing and that he desperately wanted me to illustrate for it. Apparently, he had been working on it for around three years, and he wasn't getting anywhere by himself.

"I don't know, baby. I got deadlines," I always say, but God, who could say know to that pretty face of his.

And so I finally agreed to illustrate The Umbrella Academy.

And boy, did that change my life.

[cringelordofchaos]

top 3 of your biggest kins and why!!

Yayayay someone sent me an ask !!!

Sorry for my lack of response! Will get to it now!

Also I assume you mean fictionkin - sorry if you didn't!

Luz Noceda

Dvdhnfjdjd WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN? I've been so fucking obsessed w her and could relate to her WAYY too much since I started watching. Just... Ugh. So much of it. Being "the weird kid", inconsistent and lackluster grades / performance, being overly obsessed with a specific franchise (though mine come and go and return every few weeks lol), having a mom who really cares about you and wants the best for you and has had similar experiences growing up and being isolated or cast out but accidentally made you feel like you had to conform because that's what she kinda had to do??? idk but still encourages her child's true self and feels super guilty Abt it all yada yada. having little to no friends (I have one! (Speaking of offline) before visiting the demon realm. Fanfic writer (I never have the patience or motivation to finish anything I start though), being impulsive, not knowing whay you wanna be, being into witchcraft, feeling like you're somewhere where you don't belong (the human realm) and would gladly escape into a whole different realm, Bisexual (I'm questioning this though), gender nonconforming, being told that you just have to "apply yourself", insecure, similar clothing style, considers herself a "dummy", poor attention span for things she's uninterested, indecisive, etc etc, THIS SCENE THIS SCENE THIS SCENE

(ps the way camilla hovered her hand above the screen / luz when she saw how sad she was 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

It's just. Everything.. I remember the first time I watched it I was like "Luz is so me in almost every single way. Except she makes a ton of eye contact, I don't rly do that" lmao... I would rewatch s1 and S2 on loop every day for the whole summer, I am NOT exaggerating. I rly love TOH I'm so.glad I got the opportunity to watch it and it means sm to me and I keep rewatching the scene from thanks to them and auhggjt.

"all I ever wanted... Was to be understood!" HEJDJFJDIDJRUJDJEKF DJJFFJNFB FIKF

AARON MITCHELL

oh my GOD when I saw this movie for a few days I'd cry sm just bc of how much I related.to him. He chews his shirt. I used to do the same when I was twelve and a bunch of my shirts had holes and still have holes but I stopped and now I just grid my teeth instead lmfao and they hurt ouch. a piece of gum is a lifesaver for.me. He's OBSESSED with dinosaurs - for me it's not dinosaurs specifically but like I've said earlier I tend to get OBSESSED with things way too much to the point everyone knows me for that thing. He's implied to have ZERO FRIENDS before meeting Abby who shares his obsession w dinosaurs (just like me and my one n only friend fr) (why do I keep getting attached to characters who previously had zero friends wtf.) LOVES to talk Abt his interest. Obsessive. Shy. Awful social skills. Takes things too literally sometimes. Calls his dad father sometimes cuz why not ("Thank you, father." after he gave him his phone back "just as promised" (except he broke it in pieces but he.kept his promise so aaron doesn't care lmao.) carries a notebook and pencil w him randomly?. his older sibling and parent argue abt the siblings college choices and you're just forced to watch and the tension is rising and you're feeling anxious and Uhm yeah. SOMETIMES KINDA ROBOTIC IN HIS SPEECH? I've noticed? Blunt. Has a TON of things related to his obsession. (For me I have primarily a tonshit of sonic themed things.) dislikes being alone. Dislikes admitting his feelings. Nerd. Uses obsession as a way to understand, contextualize and communicate with the world and his surroundings. Also chews his fingers. Always wearing sweatpants. Fidgety. Ect etc. Just lile arhghfhfng. HIM.

Things I don't relate to - wearing shoes in bed. What the actual fuck Aaron. Also he wears socks. I don't do that unless I'm nailed down to the floor until I succumb to their nonsensical rules. Ok they KINDA make sense but I don't like them. I don't care that my shoes or feet will smell afterwards get those fucking socks away from me.

. anyway sorry. There's probably more but yeah I forgot. I actually got the urge to cry when just thinking about him a couple of times. Like wowza dawg he's just like me fr and I mean it. I can really really relate to him and I act a lot like him and I acted even more like him when I was about his age and was obsessed with exclusively sonic for like a year straight. lol

Enderman

Ok this one's a short one but yeah I can relate to them. They're just minding their own business, in their own piece, picking random things off the ground (or ground itself..), DESPISE eye contact and will get really violent if you make eye contact with them (I am not exaggerating I actually get really angry and uncomfortable with uninitiated eye contact from ppl I'm not comfy with like don't look at me stop looking at me stop looking at me.) makes random sounds sometimes, such as screeches and hisses. Unlike them I DO like water and I LOVE rain HOWEVER I DO NOT LIKE touching smaller amounts of water on surfaces where I don't expect water to be and get really grossed out and uncomfortable from it. Unless they're with their own kin they're just kinda going around, alone, minding their peace unless provoked. Like most mobs - both hostile and peaceful - acknowledge your existence, hostile ones attack you, peaceful ones like horses and sheep and pigs and wolves and cats and whatnot may look at you if you look at it and pay attention to you and some can be befriended, enderman is neither like them, they're minding their own business, they don't initiate contact like, ever, and only engage w the player when having to defend themselves... when feeling threatened EVEN if the player didn't mean to scare them, like idk I'm.noy.really used to strangers having good intentions with me so I get defensive easily .... that is irl, on the internet I definitely don't get ever scared from social interactions ahaha 😎 yeah.

So yeah the only thing I KINDA can't relate to is not liking water - I only dislike water in a very specific context so yeah. And I do make eye contact w family members usually like I've mentioned earlier - I don't know, do endermen make eye contact with each other? I'm not sure, I don't remember. There might be more to them that I relate to but I can't recall anything at the moment

Everything I've mentioned about these characters in This post - I can relate to. These are just my feelings put imperfectly into words.... but I feel a lot about them and have felt a lot about them for quite some time.

Ducbfjrj there's also a list of characters I relate to (link in intro post) but these were the ones I related to the most

[lemondoddle]

Ive been reading your jam fanfics and every single one of them are soooooo sweet! The jaybird one has me smiling so wild and your most recent fanfic you wrote jay so funny lmao (craving for jam moments after finishing mh stream) i was about to make fanart for your fanfic but saw you said in note that you made doodles of them so I like to see your doodles in your style :3

!!!!!!!!!!! Firstly THANK YOU SO MUCH 🥺🥺 secondly OF COURSE!! the thumbnails i made for jaybird and instigator actually both came before the fics (im tempted to draw more scenes from them now though :3c) but this first one from isn't it pretty came after bc i wanted to show tim's perspective whenever he ran off lmaooo (also thirdly. is that fanart still on the table 👀?)

also a bonus under the cut bc i haven't written about it but im obsessed with jam shotgunning fics 🤭🤭🤭🤭

[I.D. a pencil sketch of tim and jay in profile with the bottoms of their faces visible. they are very close together and tim holds jay's mouth open with one hand as he breathes into it, smoke swilrs around them. obscuring their eyes.

[larcenywrites]

Hello! Could you write more about study dates with boyfriend young!Tony?? 🥺 But this time they're not fighting and are both in good moods hahahah maybe they're helping each other out with homework and giving each other kisses as rewards for getting things right. 😍 Maybe once they're finished, they cuddle in his bed and a soft slow make out session ends up turning into slow cuddly sex?? Thank you in advance!!

Oh, Tony will eat up getting rewards for answering right bc he’s always right 😌But I guess those two do deserve an actual study date (and to be sweet on each other)! This ended being some self-comfort because I have some big tests after spring break

A Much Better Study Date

Warnings: 18+ | unprotected p in v | I guess that’s about it because I’m so used to going ballistic with my kinks | fluff |

Word Count: 2.2K

Finals week. That week before is always the most stressful, but you can always count on your troublesome shadow to help you out! When he's not in a bad mood, horny, or wasn't even paying attention to begin with, that is. His only saving grace was being smart enough to figure it out even when he didn't read the textbook, and honestly it was your saving grace, too, when you were just too lazy to read said textbook. Really, he hardly ever needed to study, but one of his favorite excuses to hang out with you (and get you in his bed) was dragging you over for a study date, specifically when his parents weren't home. And also because he liked helping you out when you were stressed. Though, his help sometimes strayed from the kind you needed. 

"Tony, I'm serious," you laughed, trying to push him away from your neck and earning playful smooches to your arms instead.

"Studying is boring," he argued, a tempting uptick in his voice that alluded to his less-than-boring thoughts. You'd managed to get him through endless chapters of chemistry with no issue, but calculus II was where he drew the line, apparently. 

"I don't want to fail," you said back, more stern this time. He whined in protest, but knew he didn't have a good reason to argue against your concern. "Then can we make it fun?" He quickly sat back up with a newfound idea, much more excited and smiling wide at your small laugh. "Depends on your idea of fun."

He leaned back in, your noses nearly touching as he glanced down at your lips. "When you get it right," he started with a sultry tone, "I'll give you a prize." The offer was as tempting as he was. You'd play along.

"Don't get me too distracted," you teasingly warned. You were a little disappointed when he backed off, snatching up the nearby textbook instead. Unfortunately, however, his little game depended on you getting answers right. Answers to math problems that you had already been struggling on. 

"Wrong." 

"Wrong." 

Wrong.

"Maybe try it again?" His question was unsure, almost scared to suggest it after you looked over at him with a nearly murderous look. You sighed heavily, going back to square one even with the discouragement. 

"Close," he cheered, probably not meaning to sound so condescending. You dramatically fell backward onto the bed with an audible whine. He watched you silence for a moment. 

"Here, maybe you can learn from me," you heard him say before the notebook in your hands was carefully tugged on. You let him take it without a fight, but the heavy textbook that replaced it didn't feel much better.

"You just want me to kiss you when you get everything right," you pouted, sitting back up and pointing your pencil at him. 

"And then I'll kiss you when you get them right," he sassed back, taking the pencil and flipping to a blank page to work in. You sighed as you flipped through for another example problem, not having very high hopes. But he wasn't just scribbling incoherently onto the paper or sorting it in his head. You watched him work at a much slower pace than his brain was probably working at, making sure you could keep up. He was even drawing little arrows to help you connect the dots. You smiled, leaning in for a quick peck to his cheek and hearing his diligent writing stop. "I haven't even done anything yet," he looked at you, a knowing smile hiding on his lips. You shrugged. 

"You didn't have to," you whispered, resting on his shoulder. He looked down with that smile that finally broke through, getting back to whatever he was doing, but you'd lost track by now. So by the time he was boxing in his answer and looking over at you, you hadn't even checked the correct answer yet. Really you didn't need to look to know he was right. That, and he was already leaning down to you for another kiss, knowing he was right. You teasingly avoided his lips, instead kissing at the bridge of his nose. He hummed in disappointment. "Not what I was hoping for." 

You ignored him with a giggle, looking through the study guide for another problem you needed help with. "Do this one," you pointed almost excitedly at the jumble of math. Within minutes he was done, or maybe it was really that easy. That expectant gaze turned to you again, only this time, the grin on his face was a little more smug. You flipped through the pages to find the answer, almost afraid to correct him when you saw it. 

"It says this should be a three," you trailed off, tapping your finger on the page. He studied the page for a few moments.

"I rounded it," he shrugged, deadpanning. 

"It says not to round up."

"It's the same thing," he reasoned, head tilted with a pout. You sighed, unable to keep up your playful banter and leaning over to him. You could feel him smile into your kiss, and hear his whine when you pulled away so shortly after. He let you pick out another one and patiently worked it through with you in mind, playing along with that back-and-forth game, but whether he got bored of the work or just wanted to take control, you weren't sure. 

"Your turn," he sang, pulling the textbook from your lap and offering that notebook in its place. You hesitantly swapped with him. 

"Just look at my work while you do it," he calmly instructed, reassurance radiating through his tone. You only nodded, watching him flip between pages until deciding on the easiest one. Well, the easiest to him, probably. Regardless, you didn't complain, following along with those silly arrows Tony drew. 

"See, easy," he flouted before you even had a chance to finish writing it out. You turned to him with a frown, ready to make some remark or another, but your mind blanked when lips softly pressed to yours. But just as you had done, he didn't stay for long, quickly pecking beside your nose before pulling back. He returned to the text in his lap, continuing to throw whatever problems he deemed fit at you. 

"Look at you," he cooed, feigned impression in his voice as you boxed in another answer. You happily accepted another one of his kisses that had been steadily growing longer each time. And this time, he parted your lips with his, going in harder to leave you breathless. You teasingly bit his lip when you pulled away.

"Thanks," you said quietly, interrupting him before he could successfully chase after you. It wasn't much, but he did help you out a little. His eyes fluttered open to meet yours, glancing between them and your lips with a sigh before brushing it off with that always proud smile at being praised. He sat back up, taking the notebook and pencil from your hands and sliding over to the bedside table to discard those stressful study tools for the night. "Don't thank me yet," he remarked sarcastically. You huffed a half-hearted laugh, watching him flop into his usual spot on the bed and roll onto his side to look at you. 

"You could at least try to believe I'll pass." 

"If you don't, I'll buy you an ice cream or something," he said flippantly with a wave of his hand. You snorted, falling in place beside him. "You'll be fine," he reassured you in a whisper. The way he was looking at you made it so easy to get lost in his bright eyes and smile, chasing away any of your doubts. For tonight, at least. 

You scooted a little closer, his lips already pressing to your forehead and arm circling over you to draw you against him. You yelped in surprise when he suddenly rolled you onto your back, laughing at the rapid-fire kisses being peppered around your face. He dove into your neck, each one starting to linger just a little longer than the last. You bit your lip with a smile when those sweet kisses became soft nips, and your breath hitched at the slow hands finding their way under your shirt. His hands slid their way over your ribcage, coaxing you to curl into him when they slid to your back, expertly twisting apart the hooks of your bra. Tony sat up, bringing you with him, and patiently waited for you to pull your shirt over your head. As soon as it was tossed to the side, your bra was pulled down your arms, joining your discarded t-shirt somewhere on the floor. His quickly followed. Along with your jeans, pulled down with your underwear in one swoop (if not a bit awkwardly while you laughed at his efforts). Even that playful smack to your thigh didn't stop you from giggling. 

But the sight of his cock in his hand when he finally undressed did. You spread your legs in want, inviting him to settle in between them and gripping at the sheets when he did. He leaned over you with one hand anchored at your side while another lined himself up at your entrance. You were greeted with that familiar burning stretch when he entered you, clenching around him and squirming when he stopped moving. He barely moved in and out of you, easing your walls into letting him in more comfortably.

He dropped to you when he finally pushed in further, pressing his face against yours with a blissful sigh that fanned over your lips parted in their own silent moan. It had you smiling, cupping his face in your hands to bring him closer and finally closing that gap. The lips melding with yours pushed you back into the pillow beneath you, carefully licking over your bottom lip as they slowly moved with you. A shallow thrust into you had you gasping into him and drawing your legs to his waist. He made sure to fill you up with his second thrust before finding a rhythm in slowly rocking you with each strong snap of his hips. 

As much as you enjoyed his rougher side, there was safety and affection in this slower passion. The head of his cock languidly dragged against that certain soft spot, a tortuous build-up only mitigated by the harsh kiss to your cervix each time he pushed back in. A warm palm trailed up your arm before taking one of your hands from his cheek, lacing his fingers with yours and nestling into your neck. He pressed into you just a little more, dropping your intertwined hands against the back of his neck and adding to the mix of quiet groans and breathy sighs that filled the room. Your other hand was displaced, instead gripping through his dark hair and trying to pull him in just a little closer, pressing your cheek to his and hugging your legs around him. 

You whined when you involuntarily tightened around him, that gentle build-up finally threatening to tumble. His free hand that had been gripping the sheets flew to your thigh, the thumb caressing shapes into your skin matching the one rubbing at your hand in comfort. 

"Wait for me," he panted quietly, picking up the pace to catch up with you. You gripped at his hand and pushed him into your neck with the grip you had in his hair, trying your best to hold on for him. The tightness in your core was relieved when he faltered, harshly pressing into you between shallowing thrusts. 

"Cum with me, baby, you can do it." Hot breath fanned across your pulse with his words before teeth bit into your shoulder with a strangled moan. His grip on your hand tightened when he spilled deep inside you. You curled into him impossibly more as you let go, pulsing with his throbbing cock. 

You knew he was finished when a gentle kiss replaced those teeth, and those soft lips lingered up your neck. That smiling kiss pecked its way over your cheeks and down the bridge of your nose before finding your own smile. He started that slow makeout again, noses bumping every time he tilted his head and grinning when it made you laugh. 

He finally pulled away, hands leaving you as he slipped out of you and off the bed. It didn't take long for him to return, towel in hand. You reached to thread your fingers through his hair when he rested his head on your chest, flinching a little at the gentle swipe of the towel between your legs. He pecked an apology between your breasts before leaving again.

You rolled to his side of the bed, waiting for his return under the covers and closing your eyes. The lights flicking off caught your attention, feeling a dip in the mattress right next to you and the body responsible pushing you to make room. Despite his efforts, you kept yourself snuggled into his chest as he settled, nudging a leg between his to be closer. You felt his huff against the top of your head, where he still placed one more kiss before draping an arm over you.

"We'll pick up where we left off tomorrow."

[mollyrolls]

@anniewings the one i was thinking of was actually iron flame, not fourth wing

so iron flame spoilers below cut enjoy my insane good reads review

tldr: everyone in this book is infuriating. rebecca yarros needs to invest in an editor.

This book - and series in general- fascinates me. I was so motivated to finish reading, but while doing so I was borderline miserable. I need to go back and do some kind of formal analysis bc there’s something in her writing that must be crack adjacent. How in the ever loving god is it possible for her to create such an atmosphere and pull towards these books while filling them with grey slush that makes me brain bleed out my ears.

To Yarros’ credit, the problems I had with the war being boring were lessened. I did end up caring about the outcome, and read the fight scenes with some investment. Much improved from the first. I definitely think the choice to make the “true war” be a secret from everyone is a major shortcoming, (personally, I think that she didn’t know the wyvern and venin war was the true conflict until stumbling across it mid-writing and didn’t go back to properly edit,) as it leaves so much confusion in its wake. The least we could have gotten was a history class once the riders got to the outpost and caught them-and the readers- up to speed effectively. I think the reason why I cared this time was because it was the one central plot, which is a good thing. That being said, the things I enjoyed in the first did not improve the same way.

The most memorable disappointment was Violet and Xaden’s relationship. Xaden’s codependency is truly insane in this book, but I don’t think Yarros sees it that way. I never liked the miscommunication trope, but I like it even less when it’s the entire. fucking. book. Every scene with them is the exact same, just a different smut scene smacked dab in the middle of it forcing them to never reach a conclusion. The basis of the miscommunication is justified, but since Violet is insistent on backpedaling all her growth from the last book, it doesn’t stay justified for long. This relationship does not grow from start to about 85% of the way through, and then a hasty conclusion is met to have the twist ending hit harder. Also, the thing that makes Violet stop being an unrelenting asshole is arguably more egregious than the original fight! When you find out your boyfriend can literally read your mind? THATS WHEN YOU START BEEFING IT GIRL. I don’t think they really love each other anymore, because the chemistry they had has vanished into thin air, and that really makes me sad! I liked their dynamic in the first book a lot, even if it was painfully Feyre and Rhysand coded.

I know people have said that some of the background characters storylines should have been cut for lengths sake, but I honestly really liked the cast this time around. They’re more intriguing than Violet, that’s for damn sure. Rhiannon is way too good for violet. ridoc is my ride or die. tarin needs to THROW VIOLET OFF HIS BACK. I ended up liking the villains more than Violet (Cat, Sloane, Jack) because they were allowed to grow like normal people, not shoved back into the tiny cramped box with pencil holes to breathe every time we get even an inch close to having a development happen.

Despite grasping the concept of a central plot, somehow Iron Flame is more off-the-rails than Fourth Wing was. The pacing was truly incomprehensible, the plots were convoluted and messy, and the characters made me want to carve my eyes out with a rusty spoon. There is so much potential here but with the trend we’re headed in, I don’t think it will be fully realized. I can already see the Netflix Original now.

p.s. seriously someone enlighten me about her rhetoric because there has to be crack in there, right?

[nardonotes]

16 sep '24

8:18pm

IM SO TIRED!!!!! MY BODY HURTS!!!!!!!! I WANT TO SLEEP BUT I ALSO HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO DO!!!!!!!!!! (ᴗ_ ᴗ。) but today my alarm woke me up at 7am but i stayed in bed till 7:40... i slept well too and had a crazy dream but i forgot what happened,,, i just rmbr it being crazy (good-ish?) to the point where i wanted to go back to sleep to finish it but ended up just forcing myself out of bed,, fufufuff~ and THEN i went to class :< which is actually a :> cause it was fun! i did some black and white designs for design class and the two hours passed by so fast,, after that i had a 3 hrs break and just walked home, rest for a bit, then went out to town to send my cv to this photo printing shop (fujifilm) for my work experience. they said they dont usually take work experience (˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ ) but it's ok cause i have two other places i can apply for work experience (it's mandatory in my course) i been going to fujifilm for years now, literally since it opened too, they know my name and email off by heart cause i always get my film develop there so i really hope they let me in!!!! it's only till christmas sniff.... BUT ANYWAYS, after i gave them that- i went to buy a sketchbook cause my lecturer said it would be a good idea just to have one where i can draw whatever and i bought one (1) pencil LOL.

then had a 2 hours class right after, but it was chill. nothing too serious and just worked on updating my cv and cover letter :3 after class, I WENT HOME AND ATE :D i dont usually like chicken but THIS CHICKEN WAS REALLY FUCKING GOOD MAN,,, i had it with rice and it was so filling. and while i was washing my dishes, my sisters arrived home and AFTER THEY ate,, we went to the park with my sisters friend and her baby. he's so big now sniff,, i rmbr when he was literally a few months old and tiny af. now he looks about 3 years old but hes only 1 years old. they're leaving to live in amsterdam in a month or two and it's so sad cause i only just got closer to her. it's ok tho cause amsterdam is close enough, and her parents still live here so she'll be in and out i think :)) we got gelato before going home and i got kinder bueno flavoured (THE LAST SCOOP TOO) it was so good. i dont usually eat ice cream out of the blue like that, i usually get a drink instead but since it was just a scoop i had some.

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

what a long ass day fr,, i know im going to sleep good tonight too. i bought Notes of a Crocodile, The Analects of Confucius, and The Temple of the Golden Pavilion on my kobo (ereader). I do plan to buy the physical copies of all three, but not right now and it was just cheaper to buy it on the ereader.. I've read a few chapters of the temple of the golden pavilion before but never continued but my bestiana spoiled the ending and now i want to finish it bc the ending was a good ahh ending (imo). i can't wait to read before i sleep tonight,, reading so fun huhuhhu..... (⸝⸝⸝╸▵╺⸝⸝⸝)

these days, i've been really into my lil tech stuff again and i really want to homebrew a ps vita. i homebrewed my old nintendo 3ds but sold it for a [REDACTED] reason lol. i think a ps vita is cooler anyways. i also been really into micro journalling and coding. btw i cant code but i do like listening to ppl talk about coding and what they've coded. i wish i was smart enough to do allat.. i think i could if i really put my heart to it but right now i'm really liking my course. ill probably talk about it some more in the future but for now, i have written a fucking book and nobody reading allat!!! so im going to do my little me time before bed time and then go to sleep ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´-

goodnight to me, and my precious bed, and my precious favourite girl in the world and and and- [GUNSHOTS]

[alinktoana]

local elderly girl sells stickers at a japanese food festival

not gonna lie, the entire experience is very emotional to me and it's been a month but moon channel's vid essay about cool japan, and the release of smt5 vengeance (lol) inspired me

tldr: i made some stickers, got real existential about it, will keep making more c: if youd like to check them out, here's a link

ive always wanted to draw, i used to say i was gonna become a painter or a fashion designer when i grew up. none of that happened, but i did go to film school. my final project was a script for an animated short highly inspired by nbc hannibal, majora's mask (i know, it was 2016, it makes sense to me lol) and a huge loss in my life from which i havent fully recovered, 10 years later.

the point is, ive always been art adjacent but i never really drew, until i got inspired by_hannibal itself_, noel fielding, kylux (LOL) and a roommate who was who was really inspired by art youtubers like frannerd and drew around the house, so i picked up a pencil and started drawing hannigram fanart bc i was so insanely in love with that show lol i remember who i was before i drew. i spent my days reading and watching tv, bc i love stories and stuff, but i was a consumer. and once i got a job after college i felt so incredibly isolated and directionless. do i have a direction now, as i work as a """"designer""" for a company that sells a mental health app? no. but like demifiend was force fed a magatama and got demon powers (LMAO BEAR WITH ME I JUST BOUGHT SMT3 HD REMASTER), i caught the art demon (like steven zapata says). and i caught it bad. i spend my day to day rushing through my work and chores and everything so i can have enough time to draw in the evening, to do whatever, and sometimes the need is so immense i cant do anything bc im not good enough, my skills are fading, im worthless, what's the meaning of all this? so i took a chance and showed my work at an arts alley on a japanese food festival i was helping organize. mind you, i was juggling that with my 9/5, promoting the event, finishing drawings from years ago. and when i got there, nobody got it. people looked at the stickers and didnt recognize the characters, and went on to buy the stickers my friends had that were more current. it was all japanese fanart. we were there with the single purpose of baiting weebs like us lol

ive always dealt with clients, im used to this. but im used to business to business, bc sigh i am a corporate girly. and im a beginner in the demon arts of arting. i felt so ashamed people were preferring other people, that i had the audacity to think i was worth anything. but i stood there, standing still with my brain boucing off my skull wanting to leave but also enjoying the experience and hoping someone, anyone would get it. and some people did. to my surprise, jack frost was my best selling sticker, lol. jack frost, from the smt franchise, a franchise im so new to but i love so dearly. im 100% a poser, ive never finished a megaten game. but… it just speaks to me. and thats where my cool japan feelings come from bc, like i said, i was selling at a japanese food festival. people my age, from the country i come from, were exposed to dragon ball and cardcaptor sakura from birth. and learning about history and the atrocities of the japanese empire is just. who can you trust. but ive aways resonated with one thing from japan, and it's the way they portray sadness in their works. it's become a ritual since last year that i will listen to smtv's ost when im on my period bc it literally brings me back to life. no one but i know how many times ive drawn goro majima and taiga saejima bc their mere existance and their sorrow resonates with me so immensily and i dont wanna see them being sad, nor do i wanna see me being sad. it's. it's really difficult to be to admit that im from brazil, bc our country sells happiness as an export but for many, many years the most popular genre is butthurt country music, and it makes sense, you know? people dont wanna admit they're sad. and i can only imagine what it's like for regular japanese people, bc we (i) get to see their big exports of bittersweetness… i dont know, maybe other people get to see that from brazil too, i dont know. the arts in brazil, or specially where i live, it's just isnt in the cards for us. but ill keep trying, you know. and i know fanart is a hack. but im trying. despite everything and everyone wanting us (me) to work for mining/metal/oil companies, make the most money, have the least health, drink all the alcohol (but call an uber), consume, reproduce and die, i. i just wanna draw tiny people, you know. it's. not that big a deal. all this to say that yes im gonna keep drawing and making stickers and, who knows, you know. these are stickers that i wont ever find near me, or that im too broke to get them from artists/official stores, so if youre like me, here's some pdfs in case you wanna print them and stick them wherever c: ty if you got this far, this is a big ramble… but it's been years in the making and despite everything im happy about it c:

[jail-buddies-au]

I like how you randomly appeared on my fy, checked out your art,read some of your AU and was like "yes,a person of quality.Mhm." *cutely follows*.

You are now obliged to share more of this (/nm) because this Au will now be on my mind for at least a month

“A PERSON OF QUALITY” M CRYIIINGGG SJDJKSSJ THANKS

Im actually just a silly person that didn’t like the ending of their hyperfixation so i said “mm no pass me the pencil”

Haven’t been able to draw much but i do have some loose ideas and info

I find interesting that without the last time travel in canon absolutely EVERYTHING would’ve have gone downhill, like normally in the past time travels takemichi did there was always a good change, something good that happened, like kazutora’s survival in Valhalla vs Toman, that even if the future ended up worse, that change was still something valuable.

In Kanto vs Toman this gets completely erased, there’s literally no way out of a bad ending, three people died with absolutely no recompense, because the future staying exactly the same as bonten TL, Mikey being far away from everyone, but with three more dead people.

Takemichi dies and all turn into this in the matter of a week

That’s kind of what dragged me to think about this, am i being redundant??? Also i felt the necessity of exploring more Mikey’s mental health through the manga, which was heavenly implied and tried to give it a little of closure, which was something that i really wanted.

Now, there IS in fact a last time travel in this AU, but unlike canon, they don’t go back to the beginning beginning. Mikey travels back to this exact moment

I think that the time capsule moment was a very nice point to travel to, idk how to write a coherent paragraph so lemme just do it like this:

- Characters who’s death ate important to other characters development remain dead (shinichiro, baji, emma, izana) THAT ALTHOUGH IT HURTS ME SO MUCH, i didn’t like that everyone suddenly revived

- here is when Mikey starts to get actual fucking help LMAO, like while they were burying the time capsule, Mikey already knew what he was end of being, he literally planned a twelve-year-long su!cide at that moment. So i think that for the final TL to get a happy (as much as it can) ending is taking that plan back and actually start a healing journey with everything that has happened am i overthinking too much?

- ANYWAY, imma be fully transparent, i don’t know when exactly Mikey travels back, I know that he’s the time traveler because of michi giving him the power before dying, and Kazutora is the trigger. But idk if make him travel back the day Kazutora gets released from jail or before (still gonna keep him some good years behind bars tho)

NOW I CAN START WITH SILLY STUFF

- Theres a stray cat that lives in the prison called Arepa, all the prisoners know her

- Kazutora is REALLY well behaved in prison, and he has some privileges bc if that of course, Mikey thinks that’s a lie and that he actually sucked off some guard to have said benefits

-on the other side, Mikey is completely unstable, one day he can be rotting inside his sell not giving a fuck about anyone, and the other he can be fighting to death with another inmate

-he has been in solitary confinement more than once

- Kazutora receives letters from chifuyu every now and then, Mikey received a lot from Sanzu and even one from koko but he never answered, he wants to be forgotten just like in Bonten TL

-Chifuyu testified in Mikey’s trial, he also visited him once, that conversation is very well daydreamed in my head kakdjsksjjs

- There’s a good amount of mental health talk in this AU bc of course that Mikey and Kazutora in the same room was a great idea of me, so if you’re sensitive to that be careful 💙

-right now I’m drawing a little comic about Sanzu and Senju but i just have the sketch for now forgive my sins, and there’s actually a lot of panels and convos i have already like completely finished in my head, like when Mikey travels back? That’s COMPLETELY planned already jajdjsjsj im just slow

That’s all I think???? (It’s totally not but if I remember something ill post it or edit this)

Lemme know your thoughts before i consider myself cringe and delete all this text ISJDJDJSJJSJS