#the only football I actively keep up with is ted lasso

[russilton]

I understand the point you're trying to make about George and homophobic comments but can you stop likening the very real oppression that Lewis is the victim of to some ignorant twitter comments on a white driver with a girlfriend?! Lewis is literally attacked in real-life by the kkk fanbase of that vile sport, ex champions throw around violently racist and homophobic slurs towards him without any pushback, stewards publicly wish for him to burn in his car (yes this has happened more than once), his literal championship was stolen to make space for their "great white hope" (in their words), other drivers have victim-blamed Lewis for years of racist abuse. This is the level of oppression that Lewis has dealt with in the sport, don't ever compare his situation to anyone else. I know you won't post this because white queers hate addressing their racism but you need to stop talking about Lewis if you insist on using him as a prop for your ship. You remind me of Barca fans who claim Gavi is oppressed due to sports heckling while a whole stadium chants racist abuse to Vini. In the wake of the discourse centering the racist abuse that black athletes face in Europe, it's asinine to compare a black athlete's situation with a white one. On that note, I have yet to see you speak up on the racism and homophobia that Lewis is subjected to, but you're always prepared to paint your cishet white fav as oppressed.

I spent a very long time trying to figure out how to answer this ask, most of the day if I'm honest, because while I’m always willing to learn, I also think some of the things you’ve said here just aren’t true, and the fact that I’ve made you feel that they are means I need to be clearer with what I’m expressing.

At no point did I ever, ever, ever intend for it to sound like I was saying what George is dealing with currently is anywhere close to what Lewis deals with on a daily basis. And I don’t think that’s what I said at all, but if it came off that way, it’s something I want to change.

For the sake of transparency, I've made an edit to the original post to clarify my point. I understand now it might have come away belittling to seem like I was equating a more isolated incident to something larger and much more complex, and I'm sorry for that, it was just the only incident I could come to at the time.

I’m not looking for anyone to come to my defence here, because I’d rather speak for myself, nor do I want to make it sound like I've never made mistakes. I've made plenty, on here included, and i've done my level best to change and listen. But if you believe I have never spoken about the racism Lewis faces, have you been around that long?

I talk about it often, and as blatantly as I can while also making clear that as a white guy, I’m not the voice that should be listened to, and that it’s better for me to promote POC speakers or link to them instead. I'm sorry you if it appears like I'm not doing it enough, Ive been trying to listen instead of speak, which is what i've been told to do in the past on here by other anons. When asks have crossed the topic, I've been blunt about the systemic racism in f1, and why it serves F1 to suppress Lewis' voice. But again, there is a limit to what I have said myself, because I don't think its right to make myself the centre focus, when it should be more informed voices.

The only reason it may seem like I do more speaking myself when it comes to homophobia around Lewis AND George, is that it's something I HAVE experienced firsthand, and can more effectively talk about. The vitriol Lewis faces for self expression and the homophobic stereotypes that pour out with it are things I've been open about before, and Lewis' own changing views on gender and gendered clothing are something I'm deeply proud of him for.

But i also need to say I want to be able to talk about multiple issues at once without it seemingly like one is standing over the other, or should detract attention. It's both true that Lewis faces abuse that the officials surrounding F1 and even Mercedes itself will sweep under the rug or belittle, AND that the torrent of Homophobic abuse George is facing needs to be addressed no matter his sexuality or relationship status due to the effect it'll have on his fans.

I care less about how George feels as someone who isn't routinely oppressed and able to easily access support, and more about how formula one continues to absolve fans of extremely bigoted behaviour under the umbrella of calling them a bad outliers rather than addressing the root issues of the sports own willing ignorance and allowance of hateful behaviours from stewards, marshals, team staff and even other drivers. It's not about how the drivers feel, but how minority fans are pushed out in favour of the toxic cesspool f1 has happily encouraged the growth of in order to rake in their money, rather than address. There is not a single f1 comment section on any team, or official social page i would willingly step into, because It is never anything but filled with the worst voices that f1 just.. ignores. Until they're booing Max Verstappen on track, and we're all demanded to be nicer to him, even as he continues to stoke the kinds of fans that have called me every slur in the book and told me to off myself. There is a reason I only interact with F1 on tumblr of all places, it is legitimately the only site I feel safe to do so.

I was a Lewis fan before I was a George fan, and I think I will always find a closer home in him than I will with any other driver. No driver has stood up quite as vocally for issues both close to home for me and issues the world over. No other driver has stuck his neck out the same way or made me feel quite as allowed into a traditionally cis het white space. I only became a motorsport fan because Lewis made me feel like there was a space for people like me.

[illiterateaffairs]

DISTRACTIONS XI | SOMEONE TO STAY

pairing: jamie tartt x f!reader (ted lasso)

rating: T

word count: 6,369

summary: ted has some news to share with the team that unexpectedly leads to other secrets coming out. 

A/N: here it is - the penultimate chapter of distractions! i’ve had the events of this chapter planned out for what feels like forever, and i finally get to share it with you all. thank you for reading and i can’t wait to see what you think💙💛

distractions masterlist | previous chapter

It should come as no surprise that you and Jamie end your night after the Man City win doing some…not-so-innocent activities to celebrate. You’re hesitant at first, not wanting to agitate Jamie’s ankle, but your attentiveness only turns him on more. You’re not entirely sure what time you actually fall asleep, but in the early morning light, you’re awoken by Jamie leaving a trail of kisses on your face and down to your neck, and before you know it, you’re going another two rounds. 

You bask in the afterglow side by side as you catch your breath. When you look at Jamie, there’s a dopey smile on his face.

“You happy or something?” you ask teasingly and his smile only widens.

“Just a little,” he murmurs, leaning over to give you another kiss.

You lay on your sides facing each other for a few quiet moments, as you trace the tattoos on his arm. 

“Have I mentioned how much I like your tattoos?” you whisper. 

“Mm-mm,” Jamie shakes his head.

“Well, I do.”

“Have you ever thought about getting one?”

“A couple times, but not seriously,” you tell him, “Not sure what I’d get.”

“I think you should get a big number 9 plastered across your back,” he suggests with a faux-serious expression.

You snort, “And why would I do that?”

He shrugs innocently, “So you can have a piece of your favorite footballer wherever you go.”

“That’s funny because you and I both know my favorite footballer is…”

“I swear to God if you get the number 24 tattooed anywhere on your body, I’ll scream.”

You laugh out loud, placating your boyfriend with another kiss. “I think I’ll have to keep thinking of other tattoo ideas before I commit to anything officially.”

“Fine,” Jamie agrees.

You move your fingers up the length of his arm to run gently across his face, “With everything that happened last night, I never got the chance to ask you about your dad. Was he at the game?”

Jamie looks down, but covers your hand with his, “No, he wasn’t. Which I think honestly messed with me more. I ended up texting him afterwards, but I haven’t heard back yet.”

“I’m sorry, Jamie,” you whisper, knowing their relationship was complicated, but that he still begrudgingly cared about the man, “I think reaching out could be good. You don’t have to forgive him, but you deserve a little closure.”

Jamie nods, “Yeah. Ted said something like that, too.”

You smile internally. Of course he did. 

Jamie lifts his head to glance at the clock on your side of the bed, “I think we overslept.”

You roll your eyes light heartedly, “Yeah, I wonder why.”

Jamie smirks giving you yet another kiss, “We should get ready. Can I drive you to the club today?”

Your heart flutters at how excited he seems to publicly take you to work for the first time. Unfortunately, you had a few loose ends to tie up this morning, so you’d be going to the club later this afternoon, getting the all clear from Rebecca over text on your way home last night. 

“I’ll actually be in a little later today. I have some things I need to do first,” you’re attuned to the way Jamie’s face falls, so you quickly reach out to stroke his cheek again, “I promise there’s nothing to worry about. I want to tell you everything. I was thinking over dinner tonight? I can make my lasagna that you like so much.”

Jamie’s expression relaxes, though you can tell he’s still a bit weary of what exactly you’ll be telling him. Still, he gives you a tiny smile, “That sounds great, babe.”

“Good. Now hurry up and get ready. Don’t want Roy to yell at you.” 

Jamie groans, but reluctantly pushes himself out of bed. You eventually manage to get up yourself once he’s ready, pulling on one of his tee-shirts so you can kiss him goodbye at the door. 

Once he’s gone, you take a deep breath. Despite your indecision about your job situation, spending the night carrying on with Jamie, Keeley, and Roy made what you wanted to do become clear as day. You weren’t sure how everyone would react, especially with the trouble Keeley and Rebecca had gone through, but you knew in your heart you had to follow your dreams on your own terms. And that’s exactly what you were going to start doing this morning.

Jamie arrives at Nelson Road with a sense of self assurance he’s never had before. Sure, he’s always had an air of confidence and cockiness about him his entire life, but today Jamie feels a special sense of pride when he enters the locker room. Not only had he helped his team win a game in his home city the night before, he was dating the most incredible girl he has ever met and now everyone knew it. 

As if they didn’t hype him up enough about it the night before, his teammates greet him with pats on the back and teasing remarks about the match, and about you. Jamie rolls his eyes, joking right along with them, but on the inside he’s admittedly enjoying the praise. He knows the team loves you, and is very protective of you. And while he knows they’ve grown to love him too since returning to Richmond, it warms his heart that they not only approve of his relationship with you, but are almost as excited about it as he is. Almost. He was definitely the most excited.

The Greyhounds go about their morning, getting ready for training, and the spirit continues to be high. For whatever reason, though, Jamie senses a shift in the mood when the coaches enter the locker room. They’re probably going to want to get serious about their final game of the season, he assumes, but another piece of him worries that something else is going on.

“Hey, everyone listen up,” Ted calls out and he’s missing the usual pep in his voice, “I’ve got something I want to say to you all before training.”

The team instantly stops whatever they’re doing to give their coach their full attention. Ted exchanges a look with Coach Beard who nods reassuringly. Roy and Trent stand off to the side, seemingly in the loop as well, and they don’t look thrilled about whatever it is. 

When Ted turns back to face the team, he’s scratching his face nervously, but he takes a deep breath and continues, “There’s been a lot going on in my life lately, mentally, as you may know. And while I’ve been handling things better, there’s still one thing I can’t fix here, and that’s my relationship with my kid. He hasn’t said anything himself, but I know I’m not present enough in his life. So, that’s why I decided after our season’s over, I’m going to go back to Kansas. Permanently. So...this will be my last week as your coach.”

It takes everyone in the room a second to process this, but when reality hits them, there’s an uproar of confusion, sadness, and frustration. It's unclear what each of them say, as they talk over one another, but most are just trying to tell Ted to stay in their own way. 

Ted nods his head, letting them get it all out, before raising his hand to calm them down. “Hey, hey, hey. I know it’s sudden, but trust me I didn’t think this through lightly. Coaching you guys the last few years has been one of the greatest honors and privileges of my life. But now I need some time to focus on my family and I hope you all will come to understand that.”

Silence blankets the room again, before another chorus of murmurs echo their understanding, though the mood in the room is still solemn. For Jamie’s part, he’s mostly remained silent from his seat on the bench, too shell-shocked by the news to say or do anything. He understood that Ted was leaving, but the actuality of it wasn’t hitting him completely yet. Probably because he didn’t want to let himself believe it, with how important Ted was to him, even if he didn’t always acknowledge that. 

“So, who’s gonna be our coach next year?” Dani asks, and few teammates tack on ‘yeahs’ in equal curiosity. 

Jamie notices Ted’s eyes briefly flit to Roy, but the assistant coach just continues starting straight ahead with his arms crossed.

“Uh, I’m not sure yet. Think that’s up to Rebecca, but I just told her the news this morning,” Ted answers honestly. 

“Coach Beard, are you leaving, too?” Colin questions this time.

Everyone’s heads whip to the man in question at the front of the room next to Ted.

Slowly Beard nods his head, “Yeah. I’m leaving, too.”

Another round of depressed groans carries through the locker room as the team processes a second loss.

“Wait, what about Y/N?” Sam brings up before he can even stop himself, but as soon as he sees the alarmed look on his coaches faces, he realizes his mistake. “Shit.”

The team grows quiet again, their heads turning to Sam this time, and Jamie’s heart skips a beat at the sound of your name.

“Uh, what does Y/N have to do with this?” Isaac questions.

“Yeah, just because she’s American doesn’t automatically mean she’s leaving, too.” Jan Maas adds on.

While Jamie’s equally confused, his heart continues to pound against his chest. With furrowed brows, he looks between a guilt-ridden Sam, and Beard and Ted, who exchange looks of their own. An uneasy feeling forms in the pit of his stomach, as he and the rest of his teammates wait for an explanation.

A nervous Ted clears his throat, nodding again, “I think what Sam is referring to is that...Y/N is actually my niece.” To the chorus of gasps, Ted continues, “Yeah. She didn’t want you fellas to know, so you didn’t think she got her job because we were related.”

Jamie’s heart drops. So many things become clear in that moment; why it felt like you’d been keeping something from him, how you’d become so close to Ted in a short period of time, why you were so good with Henry when he visited. You’ve known him your whole life. He can barely hear Ted continue as he processes all of this. 

“I’m sure this isn’t how she pictured you all finding out. But either way, me leaving doesn’t necessarily mean she’ll want to go as well,” he tells everyone.

However, no one has time to feel relief when a small voice pipes up.

“But what about that job she’s interviewing for?” Will asks from the back of the room, drawing everyone’s attention to him. Suddenly nervous with everyone’s eyes on him, he carries on with a stutter, “I-I heard her talking to Sam in the boot room about it one day. She’s interviewing for a writing job in New York.”

Once again, everyone’s heads sharply turn to Sam, who looks apologetically at Jamie across the room. That’s when it sinks in for everyone. You in fact could be leaving them too. 

Jamie can barely hold eye contact with Sam, turning his attention to his shoes. His breathing goes heavy, and he barely makes out Coach Beard ordering everyone to start heading towards the pitch for training. Sam is the last one to file out besides Jamie. He wants to apologize to his friend, for helping keep your secret, and letting Jamie find out this way, but he doesn’t know what to say to make him feel better. So, he just defeatedly follows the rest of his team out of the locker room doors.

Jamie’s not sure how much time passes when a hand on his shoulder brings him back to reality.

“Hey, Jamie,” Ted’s soothing voice says to him, “Want to chat in my office for a sec?”

Jamie nods absent-mindedly, rubbing his face before following behind his coach. He passes Roy who only gives him a pat on the back before leaving with Beard and Trent. 

Ted shuts the door behind Jamie, before rounding his desk to sit in his office chair. Jamie fidgets for a few seconds before leaning against the shelf near the door. 

After it's clear Jamie’s not going to start this conversation, Ted speaks up again himself, “Well, first off I want to say I’m sorry that you found out about everything this way. I’m sure she wanted to tell you all of that herself, and I’m sure Sam didn’t mean for it to come out that way either.” 

Jamie nods, still not looking at Ted. Internally, he laughs bitterly. You were probably going to tell him all of this tonight; feed him a nice meal just to break his heart.

“If it’s any consolation, this is the first time I’m hearing about this job in New York, too,” Ted adds, “So it has nothing to do with my decision to go back to the states, if that’s really something she’s considering. In fact, I haven’t had the chance to tell her my news either.”

“So, she’s really your niece?” Jamie finally says. He definitely knows it's the truth, but he’s still in disbelief that it's been right under his nose the whole time. 

“Sort of,” Ted snorts, “Her dad is Michelle’s brother. So, in a way she’s not technically my niece any more. But she’s still my family in the way that matters.” 

Jamie nods again. A piece of him is touched by the way Ted has clearly been looking out for you the last few months; especially after your breakup. But another part of him is horrified that he’s been sneaking around with a relative of Ted’s this whole time. 

It’s as if Ted can sense his uneasiness as he speaks again, “I’m really happy for you two by the way.”

“Really?” Jamie asks, making eye contact with him for the first time.

“Really, really,” Ted nods, with a kind smile on his face, his head resting in his hand, “I think it’s great. I mean, I just found out yesterday, but she is clearly very smitten with you.”

Jamie’s cheek’s flush and he prays Ted doesn’t notice. “You’re not going to threaten me or tell me I’m not good enough for her?”

“Nah, that’s more of a dad’s job; and she’s got two so I’m sure you’ll hear that speech plenty,” Ted teases, “But I also know you, Jamie. I’ve seen you come into yourself the last few years, and that person is a good guy. Getting to see your growth has been one of the best parts of coaching this team, and one of the things I’ll miss the most. I don’t need to tell you not to hurt her, because I know you won’t. Besides, I can see that you’re just as smitten with her, if not more.”

If Jamie wasn’t blushing before, he definitely was now. Not only because of his comment about his feelings for you, but also due to Ted complimenting him. He was once again overcome with sadness thinking about Ted not being around anymore, but he couldn’t handle that thought right now. And he certainly couldn’t handle thinking about how he’d feel if you were leaving, too.

Unsure of what else to say, Jamie just settles on a simple thank you. 

Ted gives him another supportive smile. “Don’t mention it. Just go easy on her about this whole job thing. She’s probably confused by it all, and she might not even go. Just talk to her about it, okay?”

Jamie nods, managing a tiny smile of his own. “Coach?” he asks softly, “Would it be okay if I skip training today? Think I need to clear my head. Might end up going for a run on my own anyway.”

Ted nods assuringly, “Of course.”

As Jamie stands up and heads for the door, he turns to Ted one last time. “Coach?”

Ted looks at him curiously.

“Thank you. For everything you’ve done for me the last three years. I think it really sucks that you’re leaving, but I understand why. You’ve got to do what’s best for you and your family, and I’m sure your son will be glad to have you back around. I know the rest of the team’s bummed, but they’ll probably be over it by tomorrow and support you, too.”

This time Ted is the one overcome with emotion, knowing it's rare to get this much sentiment from Jamie Tartt. Trying not to show it, Ted just nods and gives him another smile. “Thank you, Jamie.”

With one last tight smile, Jamie pulls open Ted’s office door and disappears around the corner.

Your plan to have a productive morning was very successful. After treating yourself to a big, homemade breakfast, you hunkered down at a local café to get some things done regarding the job options you had. In effort to not get distracted, you turned your phone on ‘do no disturb’ and then spent a few hours drafting emails, tightening up your manuscript, and preparing what you were going to say to Jamie later in the day. 

After feeling satisfied with your work, you close your laptop and decide you have a bit of time before you need to be at the club, so you plan to go to the grocery store to get everything you need for dinner with Jamie. However, when you open your phone to type out a list, you see dozens of missed calls and texts.

Your first instinct is that someone had to have died. But that was ridiculous. Still, your nerves are spiking as you check your texts. There were a slew of them from various members of the team, and even Roy and Trent Crimm. In some shape or form, they were all asking about your relation to Ted, whether or not you were leaving Richmond, and if you were taking that job in New York. 

You feel like you’re going to be sick. How the fuck did they know all of that?

You get your answer when you finally listen to the one lone voicemail you had. It was from Sam.

“Hi, I can’t talk long, I’m meant to be at training, but I need to tell you that I fucked up and I’m sorry. The team knows about you being related to Ted. And about the New York job. It all just came out and I can explain more later, but I just need you to know that I’m so, so sorry. And I’m sorry if it hurt Jamie, but I know you two will work it out. Okay, I gotta go. Beard and Roy are coming. I’m sorry again. Okay, bye.”

There’s not an ounce of you that can be mad at Sam, especially with how distraught he sounds. And shit. Jamie. The one person that didn’t reach out. You can’t imagine what he’s thinking right now.

Running out of the café, you furiously navigate your phone to order an Uber to the club, furiously cursing yourself for not being able to drive on the left side of the road. Stupid England. 

Once you arrive, you race through the halls to the locker room. It's about time for lunch, and you count your blessings that most of the team must have already left the premises to eat. Among the few stragglers is Sam, who is anxiously sitting on the bench staring at his phone. His head shoots up when you enter, causing him to stand with wide eyes, meeting you halfway.

“Oh, my God, Y/N, I am so sorry, I completely messed everything up,” he begins, desperate to fix it all.

You shake your head as aggressively as you can, “You do not need to apologize to me. It’s okay. I just need to find Jamie, is he here?”

Sam frowns, “No. He didn’t end up training with us today, and no one’s heard from him since this morning.”

“Shit,” you sigh, rubbing your hands over your face. You rack your brain for where Jamie could have possibly gone, but one thing still isn’t making sense to you. Dropping your hands, you return your gaze to your best friend.

“Sam, why did this all happen?”

Sam’s shoulders sag, his expression unreadable. His eyes eventually leave yours to look at something over your shoulder. The sound of someone clearing their throat makes you spin around to see Ted standing in the doorway to the coaches’ offices. He nods his head for you to join him.

Glancing back at Sam one more time, he gives you a small smile and squeezes your shoulder. He apologizes one last time, to which you assure him  that everything is okay. But you were finding it hard to believe that yourself. 

Ted shuts the office door behind you and you dramatically fall into Beard’s chair as Ted sits in his own. 

You don’t bother beating around the bush, “What the hell is going on? I don’t come to work once and Sam ends up spilling the beans on everything. Did something happen?”

Your uncle gives you a sympathetic smile, “Yeah. I spilled some beans of my own.” At your confused expression, Ted plows forward, “I’m going back to Kansas.”

“For the summer?” you ask, though you fear you know the answer.

“No, Kiddo,” he sighs, “After the season’s over, I’m moving back to be closer to Henry. And Beard’s going back, too.”

“Oh,” you nod in understanding, but still find it hard to process, “When did you make that decision?”

“This morning, after my mom left,” he admits sheepishly, “But I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

You sit across from him in silence, taking it all in. The only reason you were here in the first place was because of Ted. What were you supposed to do now?

“The team didn’t exactly take it well,” Ted explains, “And in the midst of the chaos, Sam asked what me leaving meant for you. Everything sort of snowballed after that.

You inhale deeply, taking it all in. 

“And Jamie?” you ask quietly, “How did he take it?”

“I think he was just caught off guard and trying to figure out how to process it all,” Ted tells you, “He was surprised about the family thing. And the whole job in New York thing.” 

“Jesus, he’s probably pissed at me again,” you groan, “I was literally going to tell him everything tonight. I just needed a few more hours.”

Ted’s lips quirk up, “That’s life, Kiddo. It doesn’t always go exactly how we’d like it to.”

You scoff, “Yeah well life is stupid.”

“Yeah, it can be,” Ted chuckles, “I think it sounds great; a writing job in New York. That’s what you’ve always wanted, right? To write and live in the Big Apple?”

“Yeah. It was,” you say quietly, “But I wasn’t sure if that's what I wanted still, so I was trying to figure it out before I told Jamie. Or anyone.”

“Hey, that’s fair,” Ted nods supportively, “If you want my humble opinion, I think it’s great if you want to go for it in New York. I also think it’s great if you decide to stay here and continue to figure things out. Heck, it would even be great if you wanted to come back to Kansas, too. But Kiddo, you have to make that decision, whatever it may be, on behalf of yourself. Not for me, not for Jamie, not for anyone else. Just for you.”

Ted’s words settle in the air and you take it all in. While you were already pretty dead set on what you were going to do, you definitely agreed with his sentiment. You had to follow your own gut for once, not anyone else’s.

“You’re right,” you eventually say softly, “I think I know what I’m going to do, but I think I owe it to Jamie to finally have him be the first to know.”

Ted gives you a supportive smile, and your stomach flips.

“So, you’re really leaving?”

Ted nods solemnly, “I’m really leaving.”

“Then who the hell is going to make ridiculous puns around here to annoy Roy?”

This makes Ted snort, “I don’t know. I’m hoping I’ve rubbed off on enough of them, that they’ll carry on the tradition.”

You laugh along with him. You wonder if Ted will ever fully understand the impact he’s had here. On the club, on the team, and even on you these past months. You have a feeling even if he did, it wouldn’t be enough to change his mind. 

You spend the next few hours trying to track down Jamie, hoping the sooner you could find him and explain things, the less damage would accrue. 

However, he wasn’t answering your calls or texts, and no one seems to know where he is. You fear, even after your promises to communicate with each other after your last falling out, Jamie had once again resorted to pushing you completely away.

Lucky for you, Keeley happened to pop by the club that afternoon, and after getting caught up on the drama, insisted on driving you to Jamie’s to see if he’s there. Unfortunately, after searching every nook and cranny of his lavish home, you resign to the fact that he’s not there. You feel defeated as you resituate yourself in Keeley’s passenger seat, unsure of what to do next. She offers to drive you around Richmond, suggesting that Jamie could be blowing off steam, running somewhere, and maybe you’d pass him. You take up her offer, less so because you hoped to catch a glimpse of him, and more so to avoid going home to any empty home for a little while longer. 

It was nearly 6PM by the time Keeley drops you off at your flat. Suffice it to say, you didn’t find Jamie jogging around Richmond. You also didn’t find him wallowing in Crown and Anchor, but that didn’t stop you and Keeley from doing so yourself over a quick pint before calling off your search for the night. As she drove you home, you briefly wondered if Jamie could have possibly fled back to Manchester, to see his mom again. But that was four hours away, and there was no chance you were asking Keeley, or anyone for that matter, to make that drive. And the Uber fare would be atrocious. 

As you climb your apartment stairs, you resign to a night of waiting by your phone, hoping to hear from him, and if not, trying to find him again tomorrow. 

When you walk into your home, you’re instantly overcome with the feeling that you’re not alone. You’re proven right when, as you’re discarding your coat and shoes, Jamie enters the living room from your kitchen. 

“Hi,” you breathe out, after getting over the shock of seeing him, “Have you been here the whole time?”

Jamie shrugs, “I went on a run for a bit. But eventually I got the urge to come here.”

You nod, still on edge, “You, uh, didn’t think to answer any of my calls or texts?”

Jamie cringes, “So, I’m pretty sure I left my phone in my bag in the locker room.”

You scoff in disbelief, “Jamie…”

“I know. I know. That was stupid. But I left the club in such a hurry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“I was worried sick all day, I thought you were shutting me out again,” you whimper tiredly, unable to stop yourself from giving into the emotion that built up all day.

“Shit,” Jamie mutters, taking large steps to close the gap between the two of you to gather you in his arms, “I’m sorry.”

You allow yourself to feel comforted by his embrace for a few seconds before you’re shoving him away abruptly, “Fuck! I shouldn’t be making you apologize to me, when I’m the one who lied to you and hurt you. Again!” 

You cover your face with your hands, frustrated at yourself for making Jamie feel even an ounce of guilt, when you were once again in this situation because of you.

Gently, Jamie pries your hands from your face and interlocks your fingers together. “Hey, it’s okay.”

“It’s not, though! I keep messing things up between us because I don’t know how to communicate like a normal human being. And you don’t deserve to be jerked around like this. But I promise, I can explain everything if you give me the chance.”

Jamie swallows, taking in your words, though a tiny smile plays at his mouth. “I promise I will give you the chance, but is it okay if I say some things first?”

You hesitate, your eyebrows furrowing over what he could possibly have to say, but eventually you nod. 

“Thank you,” Jamie whispers, giving your hands another squeeze and then he takes a deep breath, “You’ve been spending a lot of time lately reassuring me that I’m good enough, but I feel like I haven’t done enough to assure you that you are more than enough for me. Yeah, it has sucked to feel like you were keeping stuff from me. I knew you couldn’t have been doing anything wrong, but it still hurt that you either didn’t want me to know or trust me enough to let me in. But now I understand that it has nothing to do with me. I get that letting people in is hard and that you were afraid that the secrets you were keeping would make things harder. Sure, it would have been nice to know you were related to Ted from the get-go. I might have not tried so hard to sleep with my coach's niece the first chance I got.”

You manage a small laugh.

“Obviously, I don’t regret that though. And I get why you did it. I get that it might have made your job more complicated, and then even more so once we got together. Telling family is a big step. So, I get it, I do.

“I even get why you didn’t tell me about the job in New York. The thought of you leaving…I can’t even think about it too much. But I also know that it's your dream. And the last time you told a guy you wanted to go after your dream, he discouraged you. And even though I would never do that, I know deep down that still scares you. But I want you to know that I think it's amazing; that you’re writing again, and that you have the opportunity to do it in the city you’ve always wanted to live in. I’m so proud of you, and want you to be where you need to be. Even if it's not here with me. So, that's why, as much as it kills me to say, I think you should do it. You should take the job in New York.”

Jamie’s words weigh heavily on you. Firstly, you’re heartened by his reassurance that you were more than enough for him. You didn’t realize how much you needed to hear that. Secondly, you were simultaneously surprised and not surprised that he was encouraging you to pursue the New York job. It wasn’t a direction you had been expecting this inevitable conversation to take, but it was Jamie you were talking about. Of course he’d say exactly the right thing and support you, even if it meant you moving back to another continent.

Overcome with complete adoration for him, and since words are failing you at the moment, you can’t help but to plant a gentle kiss on his lips. As you pull away, Jamie is clearly surprised by the act of affection, but he’s also not complaining. He looks at you expectantly, hoping you do eventually have something to say in response to his speech. And you do. You just need to figure out how to word it best. 

You eventually inhale your own shaky breath, meeting his eyes once again, “Thank you, for saying all of that. It means a lot to me. Even if you say you understand, I’m still sorry for keeping everything from you, especially now that it has come out this way. It really all stemmed from not wanting to mess anything up between us, but of course the opposite still happened.

“I’ve been dying to tell you about Ted for so long, but like you said, telling family is a lot, and Ted’s an important part of your life too, so I didn’t want to make things weird between you two. 

“And the job…I knew you’d be excited for me. But I think I just never wanted to see the look on your face when you heard it was in New York. And then things got more complicated when Keeley told me she knew a literary agent, here in the U.K. who might be interested in meeting with me.”

“Oh?” Jamie’s eyebrows shoot up in hopeful curiosity.

“Yeah. So, as you may have guessed, I needed some time to sort out what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go.”

“And,” Jamie asks timidly, “Have you decided?”

After a few beats, you nod. “Yeah. I decided I can’t work for that agency here.” Jamie’s face falls and you’re quick to latch back onto his hand, “But I also can’t take the job in New York either.”

Jamie stares at you in total confusion, “What?”

You smile slightly, finding his expression oddly adorable. “I want to write more than anything, and part of me is happy doing it by any means necessary, but I also hate the idea of not being able to prove myself on my own. Back in Chicago, Mason got me the job at the advertising firm. Then, when I got tired of that, Ted and Rebecca got me the job for Richmond. My friend from Chicago got me an interview in New York, and Keeley knows a literary agent here. Everything I’ve done has been because some else suggested it or did it for me. I’m not naive enough to know that sometimes connections are how people get work these days, but I don’t want that to be my story. I want to succeed because I did it on my own. 

“So, this morning, I told the publisher in New York I was no longer interested in interviewing for the reading position, and then spent hours refining my manuscript and submitting it to a few small, independent publishing houses to see if any of them would be interested in working with me. I know it won’t be as lavish as the publishing houses in New York or the one Keeley had connections to. But all writers start from somewhere, and I want to start somewhere on my terms.”

Jamie digests everything you said, and eventually gives you a shaky smile, “And where are these publishers you submitted to?”

You give Jamie your own shy smile, “Right here, in England.” Jamie’s grin widens as you continue, “I’ve never felt more at home, than I have here. And with the exception of my own family, I’ve never been surrounded by more people who genuinely care about me. I feel more like myself than I ever have before and I’m not really keen on losing any of that.” You bite your lip, “And I also sorta really like a certain footballer that lives here, too. So that’s kinda the cherry on top of it all.”

Jamie lets out a disbelieving laugh, “So, you’re staying?”

“Yeah,” you nod, “Is that okay?”

Instead of answering, Jamie places both his hands on either side of your face and kisses you with as much passion as he can muster. You don’t hesitate to reciprocate, sliding your hands up his stomach to rest on his chest. You knew better now than to make a decision on behalf of a man, but god, were you glad that you got to keep doing this for the foreseeable future. 

When Jamie pulls away from you a few moments later, his eyes are watery, “I know I said I was okay with you going to New York - and I meant that - but, God, I’m glad you’re not.”

You giggle, “I’m pretty happy with my decision, too.”

Jamie leans in to kiss you again, but you lean back with your nose scrunched up. Your brain is less clouded by emotions now, and you finally pick up on the aroma flooding your home.

“Are you cooking something?”

Jamie smiles awkwardly, his face flushed, “Yeah, so during my run, I had this grand idea to surprise you with dinner like you usually do for me. So I grabbed what I could from the store and attempted to make your lasagna recipe. It’s probably nowhere near as good as yours is, and the garlic bread is store bought, but that shit still tastes fucking good, if I do say myself.”

You can’t keep the bright smile off your face, “I’m sure it’ll be amazing.”

Jamie squints, “Yeahhh, maybe wait to try it first before you give me too much credit.”

You giggle and shake your head, before pulling Jamie in for a warm hug, which he accepts without protest.

You couldn’t care less how the food was going to taste. It could be burned to a crisp and you still knew it would be the best meal of your life. Because Jamie, your Jamie, took the time to make it to make you happy. And push you towards a decision that he thought would be what you wanted, even if it hurt him. 

You were so lucky to have him, and you were comforted by the fact that he seemed pleased to have you as well. And now there were no more secrets between you threatening to unravel everything. Jamie wasn’t going to disappear on you again, and you certainly weren’t going anywhere either. Richmond was your dream home now, and the fact that your person lived here too was the best kind of bonus.

A/N: THERE IT ISSSS CANT WAIT TO HEAR EVERYONE’S REACTIONS! ALSO, was anyone else bummed we didn’t see the team’s reaction to Ted leaving in the show when they first heard? i’ve had the scene in my head as the ted reveal since i thought of this story between season 3 even came out because i knew they’d take ted away from us and i was shook we didn’t get a reveal. i get why and part of me appreciates them not focusing on the sad, but i really took away from my story haha

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[darrys-laundry]

my (very personal) thoughts on the royjamie bar scene and the rehabilitation of james tartt sr.:

let me preface this by saying, i am the adult child of an alcoholic. i am mildly (and perhaps selfishly/jealously) annoyed by the rehabilitation of jamie’s father, but only because…my own father has a disease he refuses to recognize. so, good on jamie’s father for getting help, and it keeps him in ted lasso’s theme of second chances, however, this (to me) feels like some foreign ‘happily ever after.’ and i’m salty about it.

moving on, personal feelings on alcohol aside, i know jamie’s going to drink regardless of his father’s disease. we’ve seen this, and, correct me if i’m wrong, but he drank at ola’s even under roy’s training? (also, drinking culture is vastly different in the UK than it is in the US, so maybe i don’t have a leg to stand on) anyways, the way roy presented ‘let’s grab a beer’ rubbed me the wrong way, he clearly went in using alcohol as bartering leverage for the thing he wanted (keeley), after watching jamie chat keeley up.

then, to get in a fistfight over keeley with the man you’ve actively comforted after witnessing the physical abuse he’s endured? i know they’ve always been physical, i know jamie will probably roughhouse regardless of his father because that’s in his nature, and it’s in the sport’s nature. and kjr agenda aside, maybe this was growth! because growth isn’t linear and all that, and you know, roy’s afraid he hasn’t changed, but we all know he has. i just feel so personally weird about this entire sequence of events unfolding in this way.

and, again, kjr agenda aside, i’m happy that in the wake of royjamie’s lapse of maturity, she chose neither of them, given her whole ‘i dated a footballer at twenty-something, and now i’m dating one at thirty-something’ spiel. ted lasso’s always pushed against the audience’s expectations, and this ain’t your average love triangle!

anyways, those are my qualms. i’m gonna write the fanfic i want to see in the world and all that, so, i’ll probably explore all of this over there at some point, but…for now i’m just nudging this into the ether so it doesn’t sit with me forever.

[hacash]

ted lasso 2x09 thoughts

for an episode that I knew I wasn’t going to be hugely excited about - I like beard, but he’s not one of my faves by any stretch of the imagination - this was really cleverly put together

the precise reason why beard isn’t one of my faves is we get very little to latch onto with him, and this episode did a good job of reversing that: we see coach beard not as ted’s guardian angel or the football-exposition provider, but just as beard: a man clearly dealing with some seriously self-destructive tendencies and one hell of a toxic relationship. also, we all have those little voices that tell us when we’re fucking up and make us feel bad about ourselves, but the fact that beard’s are gary lineker and thierry henry? damn.

(seriously, I know gary lineker mainly as the crisps ad guy rather than the football guy, but seeing him narrate beard’s spiral downwards just had me spluttering.)

beard constantly rewatching the game in his mind’s eye was brutal to watch, but cleverly done as well. I also found it interesting that as well as highlights (well, lowlights) from the match we also saw him relive the moment when he fell over the fence and Ted was left at the side of the pitch clapping the guys on as if nothing was going wrong. tell me that’s not significant, I dare you.

the fact that we had more of the pub regulars was a dream! they really deserved their moment in the sun, and they had so many little wins tonight - I love how they could just be left as a running joke but instead we get to see more of them and end up rooting for them. (particularly in a show set in britain, where the class divides and lingering images of ‘chavs’ could have led to the three mouthy football supporters being seen as a very one-dimensional negative stereotype.)

seriously, if you didn’t cry tears of joy when the boys were playing at nelson road to the tune of ‘we are the champions’, you have a heart of stone.

(uh, and if you didn’t then panic from realising that ‘we are the champions’ is not now being held for the season finale and richmond’s long-desired promotion back to the premier league, you’re a stronger soul than I.)

I absolutely loved how much of this episode felt like weird british pub/club/ambling around London at 1AM in the morning culture. I feel like I’ve had so many of these conversations with my mates myself. and honestly, ‘Just One Cornetto’ was peak drunk brit, and it makes me really sad that most of my american followers won’t quite get how significant and perfect that was.

As an ex-oxford person I can also confirm everything about that scene in the bar was pretty much dead on too.

FUCK ME the moment James Tartt showed his face was worse than any horror movie jump-scare I’ve seen recently.

the significance of Beard continuously dropping his keys was interesting - I wonder if it’s carrying on with the theme of ‘there’s no place like home’ that we’re beginning to see emerge? A sign of his self-destructive tendencies? I like the theory already suggested on here that it’s just a demonstration of the fact that there are always good people around if you just let them help you: Beard has a brutal night, but people who don’t even know him that well like Jeremy and the impeccably-played Big Angry Man are willing and happy to help him get back home.

other folk have written better meta than me about Beard and Jane - I certainly don’t think it’s a healthy relationship and think Beard needs to run, run like the wind, but I found it cleverly done that by the end of the episode I was happy when Beard ran into Jane. he’d been through so much and now he needed a break, needed that rush of endorphins, and she provided it. it was a clever way of showing just why he keeps going back, and although we still don’t want him to stay with her, it provides a good insight into why he goes back.

I’ve said it before and will say it again, but we had direct, verbal confirmation that the coaching team lost Richmond the Man City match. whether you see that snippet as something that only happened in Beard’s imagination - which is significant, he knows something’s wrong and needs to change - or if you think Lineker and Henry were actually saying it out loud - which is also significant, if Gary Lineker and Thierry Henry are criticising your coaching tactics you want to listen - it all boils down to the same thing. the coaching team is heading for trouble, and that’s not just us reading too much into the situation -  the show is actively acknowledging it. colour me both scared and intrigued.

(on a side-note, I thought Lineker and Henry were hilarious in this episode. same goes for all of the sporting personalities they’ve managed to wrangle onto season 2.)

that last scene did exasperate me a little - it feels like even with these inroads into therapy Ted is still going for the classic head-in-the-sand, everything’s-going-to-be-ok-if-we-just-look-at-it-positively approach - but, well, I did like the Benny Hill theme music, even if this feels like the last calm before the storm.

still not quite over the fact that we got zero new colin or isaac content in this ep. I am a simple woman: I want to watch pretty boys being a bit daft and a bit sweet to each other on a regular weekly basis.

[wazafam]

Fans have fallen in love with the hilarious fish-out-of-water series Ted Lasso. A big part of the show's charm is in the arcs of its main characters which are largely heartwarming and satisfying thanks to the unexpected power dynamics that occur throughout the first season.

RELATED: Ted Lasso & 9 Other Apple TV+ Originals That Were Renewed For A Second Season

The show deals with power in a very interesting way through its characters. In some cases, wealth and skill are what make people powerful, but in other cases, characters are seen to have influence over others just by how they treat the people around them. But where do the main characters in Ted Lasso fall in the power rankings?

10 Nathan

Nathan has a very interesting arc in the show, as he begins as the disrespected and shy kit-man. His lack of confidence makes him an easy target for bullying, and his position in the organization makes it easy to overlook him. In short, there is no one below him who he can wield his power on.

As the first season goes on, Nathan's confidence is helped thanks to Ted's encouragement, and Nathan is eventually promoted to an assistant coach for the team. However, his awkward manner still makes him hard to take too seriously.

9 Higgins

Higgins is the Director of Football Operation at Richmond which should be a pretty significant position of power. However, Higgins is really just a puppet to be used by whoever is in charge.

RELATED: Dickinson: 5 Reasons Why It's The Best Apple TV+ Original (& 5 Why It's Ted Lasso)

He started out as Rupert's lapdog, even helping cover up his infidelities. When Rebecca keeps him on once she takes over, he sheepishly goes along with her plan to sabotage the team. She also openly insults and degrades him without him ever trying to defend himself. But after growing to like Ted, he stands up to Rebecca and her plans for the team.

8 Dani

Dani Rojas was introduced as a new member of the Richmond team who is incredibly energetic and passionate about the sport. He is a very skilled player, which gains him respect from his teammates, while his bubbly personality makes it hard for them to take him seriously.

In that respect, Dani's power seems to largely evaporate once the game is done, but that also doesn't concern him at all. He seems totally oblivious to any sort of power-ranking on the team or where he might stand.

7 Coach Beard

Coach Beard is the strong and silent right-hand man to Ted Lasso. He is very good at his job and seems to completely understand what is needed of an assistant coach.

Coach Beard has a better grasp on soccer than Ted and is always there to give him advice when he needs it, including the occasional hard truths. However, he also knows when to step back, be silent and let Ted be the leader. Though he cares about winning, he is not someone who craves more power.

6 Jamie

From the very beginning of the show, Jamie Tartt was seen as the best player on the Richmond team. He is a young man with a lot of talent who is largely seen as the only reason the team has been able to survive. This makes him one of the most essential players on the team.

RELATED: 5 Reasons Why Ted Lasso Was The Best New Show Of 2020 (& 5 Why It Was Never Have I Ever)

However, Jamie's talent also makes him arrogant, which rubs people the wrong way. After Ted benches him for his selfish attitude, it proves that talent only affords him so much power. After being traded, Jamie continues to rise in the sport while also second-guessing his bad attitude.

5 Keeley

Keeley is a good indication of how power can come from a variety of places. She is not a soccer player or even part of the team in any way, but Keeley is still a big influence in the lives of several key characters simply because she is a nice and honest person.

Keeley is very sociable and seems to make friends with just about everyone she meets. Her romance with both Jamie and Roy showed the positive influence she has on these men who can often act like grown children. Likewise, she helped Rebecca deal with her divorce just by being a caring and thoughtful friend.

4 Rupert

Rupert is Rebecca's ex-husband and someone who is a die-hard fan of the Richmond team. As a previous owner, Rupert was annoyed to have to give up control to Rebecca in the divorce, but that doesn't stop him from wielding his wealth and status to get back at her.

Rupert is able to sabotage Rebecca's fundraiser and even weasel his way back into owning part of the team. However, he also keeps underestimating Ted, which causes him to lose to him in one situation after another.

3 Roy

Next to Jamie, Roy is likely the best player on Richmond, yet he is also someone who is past his prime. As a veteran of the sport, Roy is the captain of the team and holds that position with a lot of pride and authority.

RELATED: The 10 Best New Comedy TV Shows In 2020, According To IMDb

Even more than Ted, the team listens to everything that Roy has to say. He is intimidating and some of his power comes from fear. But he also proves himself to be a dedicated member of the team who works tirelessly and shows respect to anyone who is willing to do the same.

2 Rebecca

As the owner of the team, it makes sense that Rebecca is one of its most powerful figures. She is able to shape the team in any way she wants, which is how Ted Lasso came to be the coach of Richmond. Wanting to humiliate her ex-husband, Rebecca uses her power to sabotage Richmond in an attempt to sink them.

However, as time goes on, she becomes fond of Ted and his enthusiastic approach to the team. She begins to use her position of power to help those who have supported her and make the team better for the future.

1 Ted

Ted Lasso is a great example of how much power can come from just being a nice person. When this American football coach arrived in England to take over a soccer team, he was ridiculed by anyone and everyone. But Ted did not listen to the critics or get mad at them. He just smiled, tried his best, and kept being nice to everyone.

Despite not understanding the game and the players having no respect for him, Ted wins them over with his positive attitude. They begin following his lead and others start to root for him to succeed. Even when it comes to those who are actively out to see Ted fail, he overcomes them just by being friendly.

NEXT: Ted Lasso: 10 Fun Facts About The Apple TV+ Original Series

Ted Lasso: The Main Characters, Ranked By Power | ScreenRant from https://ift.tt/31s1p8A

[mattkeepsrambling]

2020 Year In Review

What a supremely dull year. I cannot believe how little happened this year. I got into this whole mask-wearing craze that many people seem to have gotten into (except for those who are REALLY against it.) I'm so happy that all the schools decided that teaching in the building was pointless and could just as easily be done online. Things are so much easier now. The election went off without a hitch or any controversy whatsoever, and I am glad that the outgoing President was gracious and we got another peaceful transition of power. I saw so many movies this year. I stopped going to the theater, though. It was just too dark, the screen was too big and the seats too comfortable. I love being at home and being surrounded by all those distractions. I don't know how 2021 could top 2020.

Best of 2020.

In all seriousness, this year was the worst. Once the world shut down in March, I decided to make the most of it and started cataloging my media consumption (minus video games). It is something I am going to keep doing. I stopped collecting movie tickets a few years ago, and this seems like the next step. I have really enjoyed seeing all that I have consumed. The final tally is 308 movies, 58 television shows/specials, 29 audiobooks, and 43 books/graphic novels since March 18, 2020. As December went on, I had to make sure that I was finished with books, tv shows, and audiobooks before Jan. 1-you will see why when I share my spreadsheet for 2021. Here are the best that I read/watched/listened to this year with all that media. And not all of these things are new for 2020 (most are, though).

Best Movie: Host

A lot of the movies I watched this year were horror movies. You can say that I have been trying to make up for lost time. I subscribed to Shudder recently. It is a streaming service that specializes in horror and thriller movies. I subscribed to the service initially for "Host."

This movie was made during the pandemic, over a Zoom meeting. It is about five friends who do a seance and the spirit they contact. The fact that it is Zoom figures heavily into the movie; it is 57 minutes long, about the length of the free Zoom meeting.

This movie is terrific and damn scary. I have watched very few movies that have genuinely scared me. I have realized what it is that makes a good horror movie: tension. It is all over this movie. This movie uses the general concept of the Zoom meeting so well to build up tension. It doesn't have the benefit of a huge budget and the best cameras. The scenes take place on a computer screen in average rooms. That elevates sudden sounds, slight movements and makes use of darkness.

Honorable Mentions: "Soul," "Promising Young Women," "It Follows," "Hereditary," "Midsommor," "Never, Rarely, Sometimes, Always."

Best TV Show: Ted Lasso

Whenever I talk to other people about AppleTV+, I always mention two things. One is that at $5 a month, you don't even notice the cost. The other is that "Ted Lasso" is worth the price of a subscription.

As I have previously mentioned, the show is about an American football coach being hired to coach English football. This show is based on a one-joke series commercial for NBC Sports. Ted Lasso knows nothing about coaching football.

The commercials boil down to "look how this guy doesn't know anything about England." This should not work as a show. Years ago, ABC aired a TV show based on the Geico commercials' cavemen, and it was terrible. I should know; I watched the pilot and reviewed it for the Buffalo State Record.

"Ted Lasso" works because it is more than the commercials. Yes, they do have a lot of "fish out of water" humor, and you laugh at Ted as he navigates a new sport in a new country, but it is more than that. "Scrubs" creator Bill Lawernce is one of the people behind this show, and it shows. This show can be hilarious and then take a somber turn in no time. "Scrubs" is well known for that.

The other thing that "Ted Lasso" has going for it is boundless optimism. It is baked into the character of Ted Lasso. When the show starts, the fans hate him, the players hate him, and management tries to sabotage him at every turn. Yet, he remains committed to his job and making this team successful. He and his wife go through one of the most amicable divorces ever put on screen. It can be a little much at times, but then that divorce happens. We see Lasso, played amazingly by Jason Sudikus, lose that relentlessly positive exterior.

Those cracks show, and he becomes a much more fleshed out and complicated character. The show has been renewed for two more seasons already, and Lawernce recently said that the creative team had planned three seasons. I love this show, but I think that only three seasons will be a good thing. It means that we will get fully fleshed out arcs, and there is only a certain amount of story that the creators have to tell.

Honorable Mentions: "Fleabag Season 2," "The Clone Wars Season 7," "Harley Quinn Season 2," A Teacher," "Doom Patrol Season 2," "The Flight Attendant Season 1," "The Mandalorian Season 2."

Best Audiobook: Sapiens

This book, published in 2011, has been on my to-read list for a while. Years ago, a friend of mine told me I would like it. In its most basic synopsis, "Sapiens" is a look at how humans evolved. It looks at how we developed societies, religions, governments, and other things that made us the dominant species on the planet.

This book is fascinating. It looks at various social constructs that humanity developed and how that shapes who we have become. Most of the time, I can multitask while listening to audiobooks. I will do the dishes, replay video games, write, lesson plan, clean, or do laundry when an audiobook is playing. This is one I had to give my full attention. There were so many tidbits of information that are just riveting. I was always blown away by what I heard. Despite the topic's denseness (it is 15 hours and 17 minutes long), the audiobook was easy to listen to. It is one that I will be revisiting in the future.

Honorable Mentions: "Ahsoka," "The Graveyard Book," "Crazy is my Superpower."

Best Book: Harleen

I have been a fan of "Batman The Animated Series" forever. One of the most famous things to come out of the series that debuted in 1992 was Harley Quinn character. She started as a sidekick of The Joker. Fans loved her so much that she was given a more prominent role and one of the best backstories of anyone in Batman's rogue's gallery.

Last year DC, under their Black Label brand, released "Harleen," which presented how she went from Dr. Harleen Quinzell, the brilliant psychologist, to Harley Quinn, psychotic on-again/off-again paramour of The Joker. DC Black Label is used for a more mature mini-series, and this is a story that benefits from the freedom allowed. 

The basic plot is that Dr. Quinzell gets a job at Arkham Asylum to study the criminals there for her research into their minds and develop a possible cure. Through her interviews with The Joker, she starts to develop feelings for him. The telling focuses on her background and ends with her fully committing to Joker and a life of crime.

The art by Stjepan Sejic (who also wrote it) is gorgeous. On my second read-through, I took more time to appreciate the art. I bought the issues as they came out on Comixology and read them on my iPad and loved the story and how Sejic chose to tell it. I read them on the way to and from work. With only about 10 minutes on the train, the story was my focus. When I bought the hardcover collected edition, I took my time. It is a beautiful book, and I am glad to have it in my collection.

Honorable Mentions: "One Day," "The Amber Spyglass," "High Hopes," "The Deepest Well," I Wish My Teacher Knew," "Horrorstor."

**Authors Note: I wrote most of the above before I watched "Soul" on Christmas. I have a lot to say about it, and it might have taken the top spot from "Host" (I don't think I could have picked two more different movies to take that top spot). I will have a full review out after at least one more viewing.**

These are the links for my 202 Watch List and my 2021 Spreadsheet.

Media Consumed 2020

Media Consumed 2021

If you have been following my ramblings for the last few years, you know that I don't make New Year's resolutions. I heard the idea of picking a word and working toward that word all year.

This year that word is positivity.

It is really easy to dwell on negative thoughts. In the society we live in now, there is an emphasis put on negativity. It is everywhere, and I hate it. Stop reading right now and think about the best and worst thing that has happened to you. If you are like me, the worst thing comes to mind first. Even though my job is the best thing to happen to me, and it happened in the last two years, my firing from the JCC in September of 2015 hits harder and comes faster. It took me years to get over that and years more to let go of the anger I felt.

There are many reasons why negative thoughts come easier, and I have linked to a few articles I like on the topic below. This year particularly, I have been more prone to rumination on past pain and failures. 2021 is the year I actively try to change that. When I feel a negative thought coming on, I will stop and change my line of thinking.

One concrete example I can give involves my former place of employment. I live very close to the JCC. I walk by it all the time, and I can effortlessly start down the negativity rabbit hole. I am not doing that anymore. I will redirect to the good things that happened there. I am doing that with other places I have negative associations with as well. I want to focus on the positive, think positive thoughts, take positive actions, do things for myself and others that help perpetuate the positive.

I want to weed out negativity in my life whenever I can. Even something as simple as doing the dishes every night before bed (which I started six months ago) is a step in the positive direction. I know this is going to be tough. I despise teaching virtually, and it is what I will be doing for the rest of this school year. But, as much as I hate it, I need to focus on the good moments and less on the bad ones. I will have to stop calling everyone I see outside without a mask a "maskhole" in my head and assuming they are a right-wing MAGA hat-wearing idiot (as I said, it's going to be hard). There is too much negativity in the world right now, and I don't want to contribute to that.

Why Do Negative Thoughts Come to Mind

Is Dwelling on Negative Thoughts Hurting You?

Why Do We Dwell on The Past?

Why Do We Keep Dwelling on Our Mistakes?

The past few years, I have tried to have my word of the year relate to my writing. This year it was a little harder. It was not as straight forward as it has in the past. The choice of positivity was made because there have been so many awful things happening this year that I felt I needed to change my mindset. In regards to my writing, I am keeping it simple: Write something every single day. This heart doc I know motivated me to make this a goal.

I want to write more and find out where "Escape" will end up. I have an idea notebook I will bring with me to jot down inspiration whenever it hits. I am blocking out time every day to write, either something I will post here or just something for me.

Thanks for sticking with me 2,000 words. I hope you all had a great holiday season, and I wish you well in 2021.

[hacash]

Ted Lasso 2x02 thoughts

Even though they didn’t have many scenes together, Rebecca and Ted’s conversation about Absolutely Not Needing Therapy was heart-breakingly good. Please get these folks on the couch by the end of the season!

Oh God what happened to Ted’s father?! We keep on having little snippets of insight that indicates his childhood wasn’t all sunshine and roses, and yet from his references to his parents it feels like he did love them enough to remember them fondly. I have a horrible feeling that ‘he was harder on himself than he ever was on me’ suggests some sort of addiction or possibly even suicide attempt, but we’ll have to wait and see. (And the fact that Ted’s driving impulse to bring Jamie back wasn’t ‘he’s a good player’ but ‘he has a shit dad’ speaks volumes.)

I love these little snippets of Silly!Rebecca we’re getting: joking with Higgins and (in my mind) paying Sharon back for the temerity of not adoring Ted’s biscuits by making her welcome gift be bottled water.

Roy Kent loving white orchids and stanning li’l Kokoruda is something I’m here for. Also if Roy was a football pundit I would actually watch football shows on the TV, just saying.

Last week’s ep where Dani was seen waking up with two beautiful women felt like a bit of a throwaway gag just to remind us that footballers can totally get it - so I quite like that that was balanced out by Roy eating out Keeley while she watches his farewell speech. Whattaman whattaman.

Also thank you to every single person in that writers’ room for not making female masturbation a big deal. 

Seeing more of Sharon and getting more insight into her character made me smile - it feels like her aim is to present herself as a 100% professional at first to make sure she’s taken seriously (you can only imagine that as a black woman she’s had to work twice as hard to be respected in the sports industry)  but I like the little flickers of humour in her and the insight we’re getting into her character.

‘Old people are so wise. They’re like tall Yodas.’ However much I may want to throttle Jamie, I can’t actively wish him off the screen, not when Phil Dunster delivers lines like that.

I knew that the reality TV foray had to be something related to his dad, given that to a hyper-masculine character a romance-based reality tv show would be considered the ‘soft option’. 

I’m also really glad Jamie’s taking steps to improve his life - seeking out Keeley was a nice touch - but also that they’re not just having him come back to the club and be welcomed in with open arms. The message that if you’re a complete jackass it’s good to turn your life around around and yet not everyone is going to be bending over backwards to help you do it is a really important one. 

SAM. Everything about that scene - from the scriptwriters letting the ‘little ray of sunshine’ one actually be angry, to Ted letting Sam say his piece rather than straight away announce Jamie wasn’t coming back because he needed to vent, to us being reminded that Jamie’s dickbaggery had genuine consequences on the team, to Sam requesting punishment laps because he felt bad about yelling at Ted - was sheer perfection.

Little sidenote: I loved that when Sam mouthed off at Ted Isaac’s the one who snapped back at him. I suspect Sam’s going to end up being team captain by the end of the show, but I do love Isaac ‘Rolos’ McAdoo so it’s nice that the show isn’t just using him as a placeholder - we get to see him stepping up and actually being a captain.

Another little underrated moment: while it might be because only a few of the team are speaking cast members, I thought it was interesting that it’s Jamie’s former supporters Colin and Isaac who we see upset that Jamie’s returning. It shows just how much the team’s come together that even these guys don’t want him back.

I know everyone’s worried about Nate’s sudden abrasiveness but I think we get a little insight into it when Higgins’ new office change is announced, seemingly without Ted and Beard consulting Nate about it. There’s a moment when he’s clearly taken aback and even a little hurt that no-one’s actually asked him, and I wonder if that’s where his sharpness originates - throwing your weight around because you don’t want to be put back into that position of feeling powerless and insignificant. Like, I want our old Nate back but I also get where this arc is coming from and I think it’s a totally realistic development.

(I know it’s an ask but I’d really like to see Jamie, Isaac and Colin apologise properly to Nate for hassling him last season.)

(Also I love how we saw a little of the former dorky Nate when he and Higgins utterly failed to do a highfive. I’m still holding out hope for return of the patented Nate Strut!)

I am so excited that the next episode description mentions ‘A player’s return is not welcomed by the team’; because a: I am always here for redemption arcs being something you work hard for, and b: I am always here for more Richmond FC shenanigans.