#the ones who didn't feel even slightest bit of guilt like you did or else they'd also be in this damned prison suffering alongside you

[into-the-milgramverse]

Fuuta crash out when

(don't mind the tags, i'm talking to fuuta)

[lailols]

Kai’s Pretty Girlfriend [Prologue]: The Plan

Hueningkai x Reader, eventual OT5 x Reader Some feelings first

Being Kai’s pretty girlfriend who has been around so long, you’re a permanent fixture in the dorm. You’ve been together nearly 4 years and you’ve outlasted the many partners all the other members have had. They don’t even bat an eye whenever they enter the dorm, to find you on the couch with a movie playing and hot takeout ready for them to eat.

The guys can really see how much you love Kai. Sending him care packages while he’s on tour and you can’t go along. Waking up at odd hours of the morning to sneak out so that the managers don’t see you when Kai wants his cuddle buddy at night. Buying him all the plushies he could want because they make him happy. Every time you look at Kai, everyone in the room can see how much love and devotion lies in your eyes.

You’re also so sweet to them. Always lending an ear to the guys if they ever look even the slightest bit down. Sending them food when they have late practices. Hyping up their latest comeback. You’ve even cleaned up around the dorm once or twice.

You and Kai are drawn to each other like magnets. Always in contact whenever you’re together. It’s like any minute spent apart takes years off your lifespans. You know each other like the back of your hand. The few times you’ve argued were immediately resolved because you can’t bear the thought of being without the other.

They can also see how much Kai loves you. He’s always talking about you and when he’s not, he’s talking about the next thing he wants to get you or a date he wants to take you on. He looks at you as if you single-handedly hung all the stars in the sky. Maybe that’s why the guys feel so guilty about the thoughts they have about you.

Soobin feels like some sort of pervert. He’d actually rather just be a pervert and think you’re hot. He thinks he could live with jerking off to you every now and then if it meant he wasn’t constantly plagued with thoughts of you cuddling him on your movie nights instead of Kai. That’s not to say that he doesn’t jerk off at the thought of you now, but he can handle lust. What he can’t handle is thinking about you running up to him when he enters the dorm and jumping into his arms. He can’t handle imagining how it would feel to kiss you, hug you, hold you like you were his.

Yeonjun thought it was a phase. He’s not surprised by the fact that he thought you were hot, anyone with eyes would. In fact, when you and Kai first started dating, he’s pretty sure he told Kai how attractive you are and gave him a pat on the back. But when did that initial attraction turn into him showing you choreography and getting an outside perspective? When did he start living for your praise? When did he start turning to you with his problems since he felt guilty confiding in his younger members?

Beomgyu feels like this is his punishment. He must’ve been a crime lord in his past life because nothing else can explain this. You guys get along like a house fire. If Soobin didn't exist, he'd probably call you his best friend. He’s never been struck with such longing when considering a person. He stays up at night thinking about how he can even stand to be in the same room as Kai with the guilt eating at him. Is it so wrong to love? No. But to love Kai’s girlfriend? Could he really stoop so low? Apparently, he can.

Taehyun ignores it at first. The little inkling that he could ever consider you as something more than an acquaintance. Not even a friend. You are Kai’s girlfriend, his best friend’s girlfriend, and you’re cool but that’s it. But it’s really not, is it? The way you smile and do a little wiggle anytime you eat is something everyone notices, right? The way you can’t lie to save your life, not because you’re perfect, but because your nose scrunches up each time is something everyone knows, right?

Kai is many things, but stupid is not one of them. He sees the way that his friends look at you. He’s noticed for a while, actually. At first, he was jealous and maybe even a bit angry. You have been and were one of the only things he had to himself. You’re his, just as he’s yours. Mind, body, and soul. Past, future, and present. But the more he thought about it, the less angry he was. Kai never really minded sharing, especially with his members. They’ve been together through thick and thin and will continue to be together. Tomorrow and every day after that. He also knows that they’d treat you right. But how does he approach a conversation like that? Not even with them, but with you.

Oh, how Kai loves you, but you’re so damn oblivious. Just thinking they’re nice to you because you’re his girlfriend. Not noticing the longing in their gaze when they look at you. Not thinking twice about how you’re the first person they go to with accomplishments. Not batting an eye when they send you unreleased concept photos, new songs, concert choreographies, and the list goes on. Hell, you didn’t even know Kai liked you until he confessed. As if the guy didn’t follow you around like a lost puppy anytime he could spare.

So, he devises a plan. It’s a bit unconventional but. hey, no plan is perfect, right? It goes a little like this.

★彡Operation Confession ★彡

Step One: See if y/n has an exhibitionist kink with carefully placed dirty talk.

Step Two: If she does, get a little heavy-handed during movie nights. Maybe even introduce a toy.

Step Three: Find some way to make the guys notice, which shouldn’t be too hard because you can’t be quiet unless something is shoved in your mouth.

Step Four: Introduce the idea of bringing a third… or fourth…. or fifth…… or sixth into your sex life.

Step Five: Introduce the missing pieces into your sex life.

Step Six: The guys will pull their heads out of their asses and confess is post-orgasmic clarity!

What could go wrong?

We can get into the fun stuff now! How do we think Kai is going to go about step one? Will he be as subtle as he thinks? Will you catch on? Is anyone going to get caught in the crossfire?

Let me know what you think! <33 Chapters 1 and 3 are done! Probs gonna post 1 tomorrow!

[messrsrarchives]

Hi Robyn. I appreciate you taking the time to always articulate your thoughts on Rowling and topics like that. I was wondering if you have thoughts on this or an answer to this question:

In a recent post you said things like "there's no ethical way to engage" and that you're trying to do "the least amount of harm possible." A few years ago, I believed these things very literally and believed it was completely immoral to engage in HP at all or engage in the fandom at all, and therefore I did not. Now obviously my beliefs have changed and I no longer believe it's so immoral I can't interact with it, and obviously neither do you or any of the rest of us. Are you able to articulate why? If there's no ethical way to engage, how do you justify being in the fandom? If you're trying to do the least amount of harm possible, do you believe you're still doing harm by being in the fandom and how do you justify that? If this is all inherently unethical and harmful, why are we doing it? How is it morally justifiable to be in the HP fandom at all, to post about it and therefore "promote" it? How do you justify to yourself being in the fandom?

I don't know the answer to that, and since you're someone who often has thoughts on this sort of subject I hope you are able to articulate this in some way that makes sense. I know it's a big question that may not even really have an answer, but I would like to know your thoughts or feelings about it if you'd like to answer.

Secondly, have you ever written up one single list along the lines of "things I believe we should not do"? Like listing it all out in one post: don't watch the hbo show even if you have a subscription, don't post about the show, don't comment on fancasts' posts, don't spend money on merch, don't post merch even if you didn't pay for it, and so on.

Thank you so much <3

HIII !!! always here to yap about these things <33 this is going to be so long i'm sorry !

i think one of my pinned videos on tiktok talks about guilt. there's so much guilt for engaging here and i know that i'm not the only one who, not only feels that, but feels as though it's a lot heavier recently. regardless of how you're engaging, we're promoting her universe and we are complicit, and there's so much guilt that comes with that.

but i think sometimes guilt is useful. i think there's a certain amount of guilt in this scenario that,,, i don't know? makes you better?? i think if you feel a bit guilty for being here, then you're aware and you're more likely to be conscious about your engagement. i think if you're not feeling at least the slightest bit guilty for being here, chances are you're unaware about the effects (whether direct or not) and you're too comfortable. we see a lot of people say "well i'm queer she hates me anyway" or "well i read stories she would hate" or "this fandom is everything she hates" etc etc as if our mere existence here is,,, an act of protest? but i don't see it as that. i don't see me engaging here as an act of protest, i see everything else as one.

and i guess that's why i came back to these spaces. i was told about ATYD by a friend and i already knew the basics about JKR, so my first action was to reread the books for the first time in years and try to see if anything read differently - a lot more stood out because i was more aware, and i spent a solid two weeks just doing research and thinking "okay, if i go into this, what do i need to do?"

at that point, all i thought i had to do was boycott and not put the same ideals into fanfiction, but it's a lot more intense than that. there's the risk of promoting a fic of someone who doesn't stand with us, or of commenting on something in a promoting way, or of showing off old merch and not specifying etc etc - there's a lottt of hidden ways we promote her without realising. that's also why i don't tend to talk About the books unless i'm recalling canon information for a plotline. or the movies unless i'm doing the same.

i think where you say "how do you justify being in the fandom" the most important word there for me is You.

there's the basics, of course: don't profit her, don't post things that profit her, don't perpetuate her ideals, don't promote harry potter in random comment sections, don't talk about the reboot even if you aren't watching it etc etc.

and then everything else is You. once you've got the basics of ethical (as much as possible) engagement, the justification part comes down to you personally. what do you need to do? what will make it feel safer for you? what will make you feel more comfortable? what balances it out for You?

for me, that's talking about it. and it comes off very lecture-like and like i'm scolding people and on one hand,, yes. it's a lecture, it's education, it's demonstrating what to do. but on the other, it's for me? it's for Me. and for Me to justify being in this space, it's to be loud and vocal. i've always said not everyone needs to be loud about it! i think forced activism is harmful but for Me personally? it's the talking about it that justifies it. for every negative comment that i get, i get 10 people that didn't realise the impact. for every person that says "this is such a non-issue" i get a DM from someone else asking more questions or thanking me for talking about it.

for every person in the fandom that doesn't value trans lives and lets me know that, i get 10 trans people who thank me for being loud about it.

and i think that's it for me. formulating a safe bubble for me and everyone else that has been harmed feels like justification. i won't ever be able to change her views or make a mass change, i'm just one guy without much to offer, but i can get one dm from a trans person who is glad to have found a space and,,, yeah. i can make A difference. i'm glad.

and then that all comes together when it comes to me posting. posting even fics is promoting her but i like to think (maybe potentially ignorantly, i'm not sure) that if someone new(er) to the fandom fics a video i've made on the fyp and they want to know more, they'd swipe across to my account, hypothetically. and then they'd find the jkr playlist, they'd find the pinned videos, they'd find the yap playlist and the jkr powerpoint etc etc, and i - definitely ignorantly - like to think that it balances out somewhere. maybe. hopefully. it definitely does more than just posting about the fandom/studios/merch on something like tiktok with an incrediblyyyy loose algorithm and not mentioning anything at all.

it's a hard balance. it's a hard balance of wanting to educate but not wanting to come off kind of,,, like superior? dictorial? placing myself above everyone? but also not wanting to sit back. and i don't think i've found that balance yet, but that's okay! it's all a curve.

for someone else it could be that they add the disclaimers to their fics and don't talk about it publicly often. like here on tumblr is very different to over on tiktok, and i'm sure justification works different on a systemic level here than there. or for someone else it could be that they simply read someone else's talks about it and try to adapt. it could be anything really, it's so individual!

you can justify it however you need to, as long as you have the basics down and you're not causing harm. as long as your justification isn't rooted in assauging your guilt (by that i mean for example, "im queer and jkr hates me anyway so i'll go the studios in protest" because that causes harm)

but at the end of the day i think it comes down to not letting TERFs win. at the end of the day i think we all justify it by not letting them take away another thing we love, even if it's something as silly as a magical universe. it means a lot to us, we aren't going to give it up for someone like her.

so we make a change. we don't separate art from artist, that causes harm. we don't call it reclaiming, you can't reclaim IP of someone still living and profiting.

but we can claim a bubble within it, and we can surround ourselves with people that get it and some of us will step out of the bubble and try to get more people to join us, others will be happy just staying in there and enjoying their time, and we all just get to Breathe.

i don't know. this is long and rambly and i don't think i'll ever justify it fully. i think i'll always feel guilty and i'll always talk about it and i think i'll always have moments where i wonder if maybe i am doing more harm, or times where i feel like i'm screaming myself hoarse and people don't seem to get it but,,, i also have 20,000 people that i didn't have before. and lifelong friends. and communication skills i didn't have, and a rekindled love for something that dominated my childhood.

and i feel good, i think. about the way i've gone about it. i think the version of me that bought crusty and dusty falling to pieces books off of etsy and sat there highlighting things would be proud that this is the way we take it, and i think the 15 year old version of me that realised he was trans and threw everything away would be proud too.

and i think that's how i justify it.

am i making myself proud with this? am i proud of how i went about this, and will i be proud when everything unfolds and we see the harm reach it's peak? will i be proud of what i did to Try?

and i think that's the big question to be asking ourselves.

(and in terms of one post, i have a PDF powerpoint here that explains a Bit, but - not to just promote myself lmao but who's reading all of this actually - i will be releasing three episodes of my podcast this week ALLL about jkr! (1) things in the books (2) twitter, political action, robert galbraith books and (3) fandom responsibility - and that third one will contain everything. for now at least. it's constantly changing but for now, it will include everything we need to do to keep this space safe and comfortable and as ethical as possible)

[cheegu3]

Hi can I ask u something do you write for ZB1 if you do then you write ZB1 yandere reaction to there crush have crush on someone else. Sorry the grammar mistakes english isn't my first language

I just got into zb1, but I noticed this was an old ask, lmao fate ?? ur English is perfect dw <333

tw / trigger warning; yandere themes, possessiveness, stalking, jealousy, blood, violence, kidnapping, swearing, bullying

ZB1 - reaction to their crush liking someone else

Hanbin

He was a bit too nice to try and aggressively intervene. If you liked someone else, there was almost nothing he could do to change it.

Maybe he’d try to catch your attention anyway; helping any random people around whenever he knew you were nearby and could see it, doing small favors for you or always smiling brightly.

Doing more than that would make him scared of giving you the wrong impression. Many nights would be spent crying and praying that you would wake up and become his.

'' Hey, are you going home now? ''

Your head turned and a smile flashed across your face. It was your senior, who often offered to walk you home so you could feel safer.

'' Yeah, but...'' you trailed off, feeling a pang of guilt hit you at the thought of turning him down, no matter how polite you'd be.

His eyes widened and the corners of his mouth tugged upwards in an awkward smile as he waited for you to explain.

'' I have this guy I like. So you don't have to walk me home. I really appreciated you doing that though, truly! ''

Despite you trying to soften the blow, you could tell he was disappointed. But there was also something else there, anger or maybe jealousy by the way his jaw clenched.

He only nodded, mumbling something about how he understood before he had to turn away to go and calm himself down.

Jiwoong

Would pretty much lose it. He had carefully planned every single step to make you fall for him, and here comes this guy and sweeps you off your feet just like that.

After some time of trying to control his anger any time he saw the two of you, he'd fail eventually. That would happen if you did even the slightest bit of flirting and Jiwoong was within sight.

He'd lunge for the guy immediately, ignoring your cries for him to stop. His friends had to use a lot of force to pull him away from your poor crush, left bleeding on the ground.

Since he hadn't come to the point in his plan where he confessed yet, you'd have no idea he liked you like that.

Afterwards, you went home while ignoring the feeling of someone following you. It was pretty obvious it was Jiwoong, but you weren't that scared of him. He'd always been nice in the past and maybe he just wanted to apologize.

You felt too overwhelmed due to the day's incident however, so you didn't stop to talk to him. When coming home, you locked the door behind you and went to the window, trying to look out discreetly.

Just like you thought, he showed up not too long after. His hand hovered over the door until he eventually knocked hard on it.

'' Y/n? I know you're in there. ''

The knocks became more rapid and his voice sounded irritated and impatient. '' Just open it, I just want to talk. ''

You breathed out shakily; torn between opening it or hiding, and knowing that your parents were not home to save you.

Zhang hao

He was a close friend of yours who had a secret crush on you. He was quite shy and had just recently met you, as one of his friends was dating someone in your friend group.

From the minute he saw you, lighting up the room with your smile and friendliness, he felt like he'd found the one. He wasn't sure how to make that happen though, so he took his time just observing you silently while daydreaming about you being his.

After some time Zhang hao was going to confess of course. But it seemed someone had managed to steal your heart before he did.

When he saw that smile he adored so much appear on your lips which he often yearned to kiss, it didn't mirror on his face; because it was due to someone else.

He started to feel sick when sitting there and listening to you gush over your crush to everyone at the table. Excusing himself he left and went straight home.

You and other people blew up his phone the next day, asking if he was okay, it annoyed him so he turned off his phone.

A genuine smile would turn the corners of his mouth upwards when his doorbell rang. Walking over, he hurried to accept the request for you to get in while staring at you on the monitor.

'' Did I do something, Hao? You looked very disgusted and mad before leaving, and it was right when I was talking. I've thought a lot about it and it made me feel bad. So, sorry if I did something, '' you said, eyes already starting to tear up at the thought of having hurt your new friend's feelings.

'' You have no idea, '' Zhang hao sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

He pushed past you while you anxiously waited for his answer - and while doing so, missed the sound of the lock turning.

'' But, it's okay now. You're finally mine. ''

Matthew

Heartbroken, he'll become ten times clingier. Even though he had never actually talked to you before, the stalking would increase. It went from him seeing you once in the hallway and falling in love and after that, staring at you - to following you around deliberately, finding out your schedule, and stalking your profiles online.

Matthew would find out about your little crush after doing just this, stalking you online. On there, he'd find flirty comments you left under someone's posts.

He'd blink in confusion and laugh it off, feeling slightly uncomfortable. But then when he continued scrolling, he saw that you had liked every single one of his posts.

He could feel his heart shatter as the phone slipped out of his hands and he fell back on the bed.

In the heat of the moment, Matthew sent you a friend request. You accepted it not long after despite not knowing who he was, because you saw that you had mutual friends and went to the same school.

The first message would pop in, '' Hey sweetheart...Why would you do that? ''

Taerae

He wouldn't tolerate any disrespect. As soon as he caught on that you liked someone else from the way your eyes shone up when he approached you, he grabbed your wrist and dragged you away.

Your crush was left alone, staring after you bewildered. He thought you had a boyfriend and admittedly got a bit disappointed; you were beautiful, everyone knew that, especially Taerae knew that and he hated that everyone else did too.

He hadn't been shy in showing that he liked you. Even though you always turned him down, he stuck around you like a magnet. Any guys that would give you any suggestive or flirty looks would soon turn away when noticing the death glare Taerae would send their way.

You were always confused and sad about it. The party at the end of the year was coming up and you had no date.

'' Why did you do that? ''

'' I've heard him talk disrespectfully about you. All the guys are like that. ''

'' What? What did he say? He looked like a nice guy, '' you pouted, feeling defeated once again from another rejection.

'' He was only talking about your body and how the guys had made a bet to see who could fuck you first, '' Taerae said with a smile, knowing he was lying through his teeth and you had no idea.

You groaned loudly, '' At this rate, I'll have no one to go to the party with. ''

His amused smile turned into a cocky smirk.

'' You can go with me. ''

Ricky

Your crush's name was never mentioned while he eavesdropped on your and your friends' conversation, so naturally, he'd walk away looking smug, thinking it was him you were talking about.

However, even before that encounter, he was pretty convinced that you liked him - everyone did after all, so why wouldn't you?

If he spotted you with someone else after that day, it still wouldn't click. A smirk would be plastered on his face as he cooed over how cute you looked while trying to make him jealous.

One day when Ricky met up with his friends to eat lunch, you were there too. Despite the distance, his friends quickly saw that the guy you were with wasn't just a friend, but Ricky didn't.

'' There she is again. I swear she's following me around, '' Ricky sighed and shook his head, a small smile playing on his lips despite his fake annoyed tone.

His friends looked at each other. They shared the same concerned and scared looks, unsure how Ricky would react if he realized the truth.

Sensing the tense silence, he turned to his friends and his smile dropped, '' What's wrong? ''

'' No, nothing, '' one of them mumbled.

His lips formed a straight line and a scowl appeared on his face, causing his friend to panic.

'' We just don't think y/n...likes you the way you think she does. ''

He laughed, '' What the fuck are you talking about? ''

None of them dared to speak again since Ricky looked really angry. They watched as his eyes shot daggers at you and knew your life would be far from easy from then on.

Gyuvin

Completely blindsided by you having a crush. He was just slowly getting to know you and felt relieved that you didn't have any other guy friends - that must mean that you saw him as more than a friend from the beginning, right?

Unfortunately for Gyuvin, that couldn't be further from the truth. You saw him as a close friend and as a friend only. You had guessed he had a crush on you because he always had to be pulled away from you, always wanting to be by your side.

He was also fiercely protective. Usually, he had a puppy-like personality, the big grin on his face was almost his trademark coupled with his sunshine personality.

But when guys were near you, he'd either put an arm around your shoulder and play it off as if he was just teasing you; or he'd stand very close in front of you, shielding you from them.

It was an odd thing that you never confronted him about. You often ignored those moments and still hoped he'd be supportive of your crush.

However, his face going dark when you told him you were going to the cinema with a group of friends and mentioning how you liked one of them, told you he very clearly wasn't.

'' Gyuvin? ''

He got closer, forcing you to be pressed against the wall. There was no one else in the hallway. Towering over you, he had a blank look on his face as he looked down on you.

'' You're not going. ''

'' What why wouldn't I go? ''

'' Just do as I say unless you want me to come too. ''

Gunwook

He was happy when he saw that you were admiring the gifts he put in your locker. However, it was quickly replaced with anger when he saw a senior that he hated approaching you.

From where he was standing he could hear the conversation clearly and it made his fists clench.

'' Do you like them? ''

'' Yes- '' your eyes widened, '' Did you give them to me? ''

'' Yes, '' Gunwook scoffed as he watched the guy sheepishly try to pretend it was his doing, lying so easily to his sweetheart's face.

'' Oh, thank you! I love them. ''

'' Do you want to go out sometime then? ''

'' Sure. I'm free this weekend. ''

The guy smirked victoriously, '' I'll pick you up at seven on Saturday. It'll be a surprise. ''

'' Okay, '' you squeaked after him when he turned to walk away.

He passed by where Gunwook was standing and they both stared each other down. Taking a quick glance back he saw that you had left.

'' She suits me better, don't you think? ''

Gunwook couldn't get a word out, he was shaking with fury. He responded instead by punching the senior right on the nose. Blood trickled down his face and he was about to scream at him but was thrown against the lockers and had all air knocked out of his lungs.

He predicted he'd need a few more minutes until the guy would be hospitalized and then you could expect to see Gunwook at your doorstep at seven on Saturday.

Yujin

He started at your school in the middle of the school year and despite being an outsider he quickly got popular for his good looks and money.

You caught his eye immediately. Yujin wasn't used to not getting his way so hearing that you liked someone else infuriated him.

Your crush would get bullied whenever you were out of sight and he forced everyone to play into his antics; joining in on the bullying and when you returned, pretending like Yujin was the victim.

He was incredibly smart and calculated. He never drew blood because he knew that it would be obvious who the true victim was then. Instead, your crush was slapped and his body got most of the harder hits.

Someone was on watch the whole time and alerted him when they could see you coming. Yujin would throw himself on the ground just in time, trying to look as disheveled as possible and making the guy grab his shirt as fake tears rolled down his cheeks.

It didn't work every time, since sometimes you turned to a different area than they had predicted. But at the end of the first week of trying, it finally did.

'' Yujin? ''

He laid sprawled out on the floor of the classroom while the actual victim had been forced to climb on top of him and form a fist as if he was about to punch him. Yujin fawned a dazed look like he had been hit many times already.

You came running to his defense - the others had told him you had a thing for saving victims. It was hard for him to not smile when you looked so worried.

'' Are you okay? Oh my god- '' you kept mumbling to yourself.

Soon enough you befriended him and promised to protect him. The crush would disappear very quickly and the spoiled kid would be happy again.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Hi, Lost, you are my favorite Eruri account and the one I trust the most when it comes to characterization and that's exactly what I want to ask for a possible, I don't know, fic or art or something like that? I read a lot of post ACWNR fics that took place right after ACWNR. And Erwin's character usually goes 2 ways: he's either really kind and nice to Levi or he is just cold in a way that he tries to discipline him? How do you see Erwin's character post ACWNR? The whole point of ACWNR feels like Erwin, just like Lobov himself, played chess with the lives of forgotten and poor people of the Underground who were always treated like second class citizens. And I think a lot of people are afraid to explore this but that's the beauty of Erwin's character, because later in RTS arc we see Levi's face when he thinks about how he tricked his comrades. I always believed that Erwin didn't see Levi as a "person", someone with his own life and feelings I mean, and he mostly focused on his skills until they became close. And I think when he started to care about Levi he felt the same guilt again. He didn't regret what he did because humanity needs Levi's skills but he still felt really bad for Levi. I feel the same way about post ACWNR Levi, I think Levi saw Erwin as this fancy squad leader from Above who didn't care about the people living underground and he was just another asshole like Lobov and everyone else until he got to know Erwin and realized that he's actually a really depressed and burdened man who dedicated himself to larger goals. Sorry to bother you but can you at least give me some tips about post ACWNR Eruri?

Hi Anon, sorry it's taken me so long to answer your thoughtful ask. My inbox is a bit out of hand at the moment!

I think this is a pretty good analysis of how Erwin and Levi regard each other when they first meet during ACWNR. There's no denying that it's Levi's strength and skill that initially captivate Erwin and that he wants Levi to join the Survey Corps to further his goal of saving humanity / uncovering the truth of the world / proving his father's theories are true (delete as appropriate). And it's also true that Erwin feels enormous guilt for "tricking" Levi into joining the Survey Corps. However, it's important to remember that Erwin is an extremely unreliable narrator, especially in the run up to the return to Shiganshina. At that point in the story he is crippled by guilt and despair and he sees his own actions in the bleakest light. Erwin believes that he tricked Levi into following him, but that isn't necessarily true. For a start this negates Levi's free will, and if you read the visual novel or the manga, it also doesn't entirely tally with Levi's experience of events. It's interesting that you said that Erwin played chess with the lives of poor, marginalized people from the Underground as in the same way that Lobov did, and again there is a grain of truth in that. However Erwin didn't pick on Levi and his friends because they were poor, second class citizens, he pursued Levi because of his incredible skill. At the same time , you could also argue that Erwin played chess with everyone's lives, his own first and foremost.

In Levi's case it's true that he initially viewed Erwin as arrogant and disdainful, but he quickly changed his tune, when he realised Erwin was above such pettiness. This is the famous "What a man" monologue from the ACWNR visual novel.

"What a man"—Levi thought to himself.  When he'd gotten caught in the underground, he'd felt humiliated. He had thought that Erwin was brimming with an air of superiority as he looked down at his catch—but now, Levi knew that he'd been mistaken. That kind of quarrel about superiority or inferiority had never concerned Erwin even in the slightest.

Regardless of Erwin's original motivation for recruiting Levi into the Survey Corps and the initial power imbalance that existed between them, and despite Erwin's darkest misgivings, Isayama has been at pains to reiterate that their's was a mutual and equal relationship founded on a deep bond of mutual trust (TM). Unless we get a new series to fill in the period between ACWNR and SnK, how Erwin and Levi's relationship evolved will remain speculative. Thankfully we have many talented writers in the Eruri fandom to fill in the gaps in canon 😏

[tulipsnflowers]

Okay, I'll bite. Deena. Go ahead.

You're just shooting fish in a barrel. Well except there you have the slightest chance of missing.

Massive spoilers for the whole nexomon series. I mean it

Before I begin madness, Deena is Omnicron's fourth child. Nara of the forest. She doesn't have a two word title like the rest cuz she did revive Omnicron. So it's free real estate.

Formalities done with? Yes? Alright:

I am not well about her. At all.

She helps you in n1, reveals herself to be Nara at the end. In n2 she hides it till frozen(where she dies) , turns out to be your mom in Lateria, nothing till revival.

Okay. Okay, I-

First of all. I truly to believe in n2 while she has definitely changed from the literal war at least a little bit, she's definitely playing an act when it comes to how much. I mean, once you go Omnisun and revive her she actually smiles for the first time and it made my heart into a puddle when I replayed. She's genuinely happy<3

Innnn n1 her siblings don't recognize her somehow. Well, Merida mentions her in her nightmare with something like "not without traitors on this side" or something like that, it's been a bit since I read her dialogue

Which. Can Deena interact with her siblings more, PLEASE. She gets 1 interaction with Fenrir, and that's IT. And that's in n2!

There is not a singular part of my soul I would not turn over for James and Deena to talk. Actually have a conversation. Please.

Because they're almost opposites to one another and I really need to see how that would go. Grudges, guilt, and so on. PLEASE.

And to again hit the fish in the barel...

Deena. Deena, darling, can we talk about your problem solving abilites?

Pre n1, even if you didn't team up with Ulzar(which is up to interpretation, but most people say yes), you still allowed your siblings to be actually killed. For humanity. It was probably a necessary step, but with that you nuked your relationships with them at least temporarily.

In n1, in Lateria, you do leave the room. You speak as we are about to fight Grunda, your sprite is in the room. But whoops once he's dead you are gone! No sprite, absolutely no talking until you head outside of the chamber. Coincidence? Probably, but this is my brainrot I will accept it as canon.

In n1 endgame, after killing Omnicron, you literally say almost word for word you will stay and watch your father's soul for an eternity. Deena. No. Just because you're related to Omnicron, does in fact not mean, you should spend an ETERNITY in the netherworld. Ziegler's there and it is stated the wardens do not like you. The most entertainment you could humanly get is probably with Miriam. Deena, we don't do that-

And in n1 POST GAME, when Omnicron is bluffing when he says "if you destroy my soul all nexomon will slowly die", she doesn't deny it. If she knew it was a lie, she probably would have said so. But no. She says something like " You need to. That soul is also the source of great evil. " which, without knowing he's bluffing. Deena. Deena are we going to talk about that, are all? No? What do you mean no. We can't just glance over you essentially being willing to die-

And THEN, as if everything else was not enough, in n2, you are fully willing to hand your child over to Grunda(who's doing great with it, btw), but like. That has got to hurt. Especially after having OMNICRON as a parent. She definitely did not feel good about it I am not taking any arguments about the opposite.

And as a cherry on the TOP. She dies. Now, Xanders may be buff, but he probably couldn't have beaten Deena if she gave it her all. My belief. But issue, this is an enclosed space. And plants are very sharp and hurt very much! If she did give it her all, what is she actually hurt Solus? Alternatively, she's probably still weak from well, giving birth to Solus. Are we noticing a theme in what Deena does, perhaps? Just a little one?

Seriously. She has got to stop saving the world over her own well-being/self. Deena you need a hug and hot cocoa gosh darn it.

- Bonus mini rant! -

Besides, I am so worried about her in n3. Why?

Well. Lets see. She keeps loosing more and more as the series progresses as a. But as b and c..

So, we have a cycle of: Humans v nexo and Deena switching sides. Monsters are in the lead? Deena's going against Omnicron. Humans are in the lead? Let her deal with Vados in a convoluted plan.

Following this pattern, ladies and gentlemen, what do we get for the next game?

Combine THAT, with the lack of choice being a theme(as a person I follow pointed out) sure, Blue messed up killing Omnicron, but what choice did they really have? He was evil, he was going to end the world. There was only one, even with bad consequences.

And then, Amelie, what choice did she really have? I mean, I hate her, but your people are dying gosh darn it. You have to try and stop it somehow, you don't really have a choice less it goes into shit.

Solus had to revive Tyrants, sure it was a bad thing but how else were they supposed to stop Vados? That's their friends, and people on both sides. What choice did they have, really?

Abyssals are also a very prominent example, with them having obviously no fricking choice to do nothing.

So. Combine the two, and you get....

Granted, I pray I'm incorrect. She needs a god damn nap. And hot cocoa.

-Bonus rant over-

All of this is to say, I love her a lot. She's such a great character and I just wish for her siblings and her to talk more. And for Solus and her to hug, preferably. It would be appreciated.

Oh and, I dislike her n2 design somewhat. Simple reason, she has 3 goddamn butt flowers. And NO moving green parts! Why??? That was like a staple of Omnicron's children!

I fixed it, there ya go.

Of course this is my subjective opinion and so on, but hey

Oh and ALSO! Personal reason why she couldn't become the ruler of Nexomon: she was weak to wind and fire, simple as that. She needs to get all of her siblings' gifts but she couldn't possibly do those two because how is she supposed to control either at all?

It's why Solus can, they have two weaknesses, one being ghost, and both also being super effective against. So they might have some trouble with those ones, but they are chilling (remember, their weakness to plants is one sided)

Alright. I think that's everything about this plant deer? Eh, most things anyway

[kim-seung-mo]

𝔹𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕌𝕡 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝔾𝕖𝕥𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔹𝕒𝕔𝕜 𝕋𝕠𝕘𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣 (ℍ𝕪𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕃𝕚𝕟𝕖)

♩ gn!reader, angst with the slightest of fluff, romance, emotional, miscommunication, crying, cursing (in changbin's scenario)

♩♩ word count: 2.5k

♩♩♩ A/N: might do maknae line might not, idk lol, running out of ideas

wip list here maknae line here

Chan

Reason for breaking up: He thinks you deserve someone better

Chan had this hidden fear ever since the beginning when he chose to be with you.

He loves you very much, more than anyone else in the world.

But he believed that he didn't have time to be with you properly.

That hidden fear has been tormenting him silently.

Every time he sees the sacrifices you make because of him, he feels terribly bad.

He felt that if it was someone else, they could definitely make you happier.

And so, when he came home at four o'clock in the morning once again to see you sleeping on the couch, the guilt that had been suppressed inside him exploded out.

"Y/N, let's… Break up. It's not you who's not good enough, don't ever think that it's you …… It's me, it's my problem. I just don't think I could ever make you as happy as you deserve to be."

You have no idea how much courage it took for him to say that.

Separation time: three months, two weeks and four days

He remembered every day exactly.

He was the one who initiated the breakup, but it was also he who couldn't endure the feeling of loneliness.

He couldn't help but miss the days when he had you, couldn't help but look through his phone for everything about you.

Your photos, the text messages between the two of you, the voice messages you left for him.

But for three months, you never reached out to him either.

Maybe he was right, and you were indeed happier without him.

But it felt like a hole had opened up in his heart and kept bleeding out.

The thought, the fact that "you'd be happier without him" was killing him.

How you got back together: The members went to you

Although Chan himself did not come to talk to you, and always pretended that everything was normal in front of others, his members, who knew him best, saw him clearly.

Chan without you simply wasn't Chan.

The first people who couldn't take it were Changbin and Jisung, who needed to work with him to produce music.

The two of them called you one after another to ask you what was wrong with your relationship.

You answered them truthfully that it was Chan who wanted to break up with you because he felt that "you deserved someone better".

After a bit of conversation, you realized that you had completely misunderstood Chan's intentions.

You thought that "you deserved someone better" was just a euphemism.

You always thought he was just tired of you, tired of your normality.

You always thought that Chan was just too kind-hearted to say such words more straightforwardly.

You didn't even think that he actually really thought that you deserved someone better.

For you, he was the perfect one, and no one could compare to him.

No one could ever make you feel as happy as he does.

So, after learning the real reason for your breakup, you immediately went to him and told him what you really thought.

He cried for a long time, apologized to you, and explained how confused he had been.

You both agreed that from now on you had to tell each other about any emotional confusion, and the two of you would discuss the situation together.

Minho

Reason for breaking up: You thought he didn't love you

Even after being together, his attitude towards you didn't seem to be different from before.

It seemed that even though you became his lover, your place in his heart remained the same.

Apart from the addition of the title "lover", it was exactly the samel.

You wondered if he really liked you.

Did he really like you, or was he only using you as an excuse to avoid others?

What you didn't know was that it wasn't that he didn't love you, but that he didn't dare to show his love for you.

He thought you were in love with the "Minho" you knew, which is why he didn't dare to show any changes.

He only dared to kiss you secretly on the forehead and say his "I love you"s when you were asleep.

"Minho, I don't think we should continue like this."

When he heard you say that, he felt as if time had been paused.

"What does that mean?"

"I can't lie to myself like this anymore, let's break up."

He saw the sadness in your eyes, the love in your eyes seemed to have faded quite a bit, and suddenly he couldn't say a word.

He thought that it was you who didn't love him.

Separation time: five days

If Jisung hadn't taken five days to find out you two had broken up, this time might have been less.

He couldn't believe that you two had broken up.

"Did you bring up the breakup? Hyung, why? Tell me the reason."

"It wasn't me… It was Y/N."

Jisung's eyes widened, as if he was even more confused.

"Y/N wanted to break up with you? What on earth did you do to them?"

"I don't know, Jisung, I don't know. Y/N doesn't seem to love me anymore."

Jisung had never seen such a heartbroken expression on Minho's face.

He knew Minho wouldn't go and talk to you himself, so he had to do it for him.

How you got back together: Han Jisung talked to you for a long time

"There must be some kind of misunderstanding in this, you definitely aren't out of love with hyung, right?"

As you opened the door, before you had a chance to see who was in front of you, he had already opened his mouth and was talking in a rapper's pace.

You froze for a moment before realizing that he was talking about Minho.

You didn't know what to say, so you just told him "I don't want to lie to myself anymore".

He frowned and asked you what you meant by that, so you explained to him what had happened.

"I don't want to lie to myself and tell myself that he loves me, he doesn't love me at all."

"But Minho hyung told me that it was you who didn't love him anymore."

He then soon realized that the reason you and Minho had broken up was purely because of a communication problem.

He was afraid that if he changed and showed more love to you, you would feel uncomfortable and weirded out.

And you, on the other hand, have been expecting that change, wanting his love but not daring to ask for it.

That was how it turned out to be.

After learning this fact, you felt remorseful and hated yourself for not being more straightforward.

And after you found Minho to tell him your feelings, the way he looked at you changed instantly.

He removed all pretense and revealed his most genuine feelings.

His endless love for you, and a lasting kiss.

Changbin

Reason for breaking up: He was just mad at you and said it to scare you, but didn't think you'd take it seriously

You were fighting again over petty things, and this wasn't the first time today.

You both were a bit competitive and always wanted to prove each other wrong.

So whenever you couldn't agree on something, you would start debating.

He's been a little stressed lately, with little inspiration for composing, and after having an argument with you, his mood could be considered to have hit rock bottom.

"Seo Changbin! You're tossing your clothes everywhere again! How many times have I told you to fold your clothes properly or throw them in the laundry bin?"

He slammed his hat down in front of you with anger, glaring at you with red eyes.

"If so many things about me upset you, why don't we just fucking break up!?"

You happened to have experienced a lot of rough patches today, and the anger came rushing in.

"Fine! You said it! Let's break up! So I won't ever have to care about your bullshit ever again!"

You dropped those words and left, not even leaving him with a spare look.

Separation time: a few hours

He never actually admitted that you broke up, but out of fear of losing face, he didn't chase after you.

He thought this was a good time for you both to calm down.

But as he laid in the cold bed without you at night, he couldn't help but start thinking about what he would do if you really did break up.

Without you… He might not be able to live a normal life at all.

No kiss from you when he wakes up, no sharing of happiness with you, no hugs from you in times of distress, no cheering for him when he gets off stage…

He began to regret, you have already made so many sacrifices for him, why couldn't he give in to you a little on such trivial things? You were the person who loved him the most, so why did he always have to argue with you?

If you really broke up because of such a minor thing, he would have hated himself for the rest of his life.

Thinking of this, he picked up the jacket you folded for him aside and rushed out of the house.

How you got back together: He went straight to you to talk it over

Although it says "getting back together ", he simply did not approve of the breaking of your relationship.

He would not let this relationship end, absolutely no chance.

He knew where you would go when you were sad, so it took less than ten minutes to find you.

When he saw you wiping your tears, he felt his heart ache.

Because of his words, words that were never meant to be said, you were crying.

He wanted to slap himself, but you were the priority right now.

He came running to your side and put his jacket on your back.

"You know, I didn't mean any of that, right?"

You moved in the opposite direction, ignoring him.

"Y/N… scold me, hit me or whatever, just don't ignore me ……"

You glanced at him and frowned when you saw that he wasn't wearing a jacket.

"Why did you only bring me a jacket? Where's your own?"

He smiled when he heard your caring remark.

"I guess you still care about me. You were lying about the "never having to care about my bullshit" part, weren't you?"

You turned to face him, looked at the dark circles under his eyes, and reached out to touch them with a bit of concern.

"Have you not been resting well lately? Or is there something not going well at work? Earlier when you said you wanted to… Break up, it really freaked me out. Even knowing that you were just talking out of your ass to scare me, I …… I couldn't help but think that you were serious."

He grabbed your wrist and brought you into his arms.

"Of course I wasn't serious …… I love you so much, how could I ever actually want to break up with you? Besides, I've long been ready to be bossed around by you for the rest of my life."

Hyunjin

Reason for breaking up: You lied and told him you didn't love him anymore

You've been together since forever, since before his debut.

Your relationship has always been stable, never had more than a few fights over the years.

People around him say that he was a completely different person before and after he met you.

"Maybe that's the kind of change love can make in a person?"

He even sometimes felt that a large part of his success today was due to you.

You were there for him when things were hardest, and always stayed by his side to be his support.

So, when you told him "I don't love you anymore", his reaction was predictable.

Disbelief, disapproval, feeling that it was ridiculous, feeling that you were lying to him, crying, a lot of tears, crying constantly, feeling that the world was going to collapse down on him.

But your expression was calm, even as you watched him in pain, you didn't come up and hold him in your arms as usual, telling him in a gentle voice "I'm here, it's okay".

"Why?"

Although he didn't want to hear the answer, he asked anyway.

"It's just that… I don't love you anymore. When I'm with you, I don't feel love anymore."

He didn't understand why you had made it through the hardest times with him, only to choose to leave him when you finally saw the light at the end, when you could finally enjoy happiness.

Why? Because you were lying to him.

Separation time: 3 weeks

Hyunjin's life was turned upside down.

He couldn't seem to get up any energy to do anything.

He would still go to work as usual, practice dancing and singing, and stand on stage to perform to STAY.

But there was just something different.

It was as if, his enthusiasm had disappeared.

This was extremely frustrating for everyone.

He hadn't even touched his paintbrush for three weeks.

His room was always dark, and you could always see him lying on the bed, curled up in a ball when you went in.

If you listened carefully, you could hear the faint sound of sobs.

"What can I ever do when I can't even keep my beloved? How can I keep my fans?"

"Maybe I don't have charisma at all, otherwise how come Y/N would ……"

Every night he would have the same nightmare of what you said the day you left him.

Until……

"Hyunjin's recent performance has been really concerning…"

Hyunjin heard his name as he passed by a JYP office.

"Didn't you say that if you let them break up, he could focus more on his career?"

"I didn't expect Y/N to be so important to him!"

Hyunjin's pupils shrank.

"Maybe, it was wrong to talk Y/N into breaking up with him after all……"

How you got back together: Rushing to you and crying

It was raining heavily outside, but he still rushed to the apartment where you live without any hesitation and kept knocking on the door of your house.

The moment you opened it, he was already venting his feelings, saying to you in a voice you've never heard before.

"I knew you were lying to me! They made you break up with me, didn't they? They're the ones who-"

Before he could finish his sentence, tears came rushing to his eyes once again, he grabbed your shoulders and kept shaking them, wanting an answer from you.

You try to rebut him, but he spoke again before you could say anything.

"I heard them, I heard it all. They're wrong, Y/N, and you breaking up with me will only make me- only make me feel like I'm broken and can't function. I know you must still love me, you still love me, right? If you don't love me, why are you crying now?"

He hugged you tightly, and this time, he would never let go.

"Never again will you lie to me and say you don't love me …… I would rather die than have to admit to something like that."

permanent taglist: @zoe8stay @yutaalove @seungly @chewryy @cosmic-railwayxo @starlostseungmin

[bougiebutchbitch]

to get the bad taste in my mouth that seeing that last ask of yours left me, I'd love to hear your Naruto AND Kakashi thoughts about their actual platonic relationship in canon!

kldsjfsdfg thank you T^T

I love them so muuuuuuch. I know there's a certain subset of the fandom that's like 'Kakashi was never there for Naruto when he was a kid, he's a Bad Guy' while conveniently forgetting that Kakashi was what?? 13/14 when Minato died and Naruto was born???? And still very much going through his majorly depressed/suicidal ANBU phase where he was taking the most dangerous missions and hoping they killed him because he didn't want to kill himself like his father did.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY: KISHIMOTO WAS WRITING ON THE FLY AND WANTED TO GIVE NARUTO A TRAGIC BACKSTORY AND PROBABLY WASN'T THINKING ABOUT HOW KAKASHI TIED INTO IT lskfhjlskdgsdgksdg (sorry this gets my goat).

So: my Watsonian theory is that Kakashi was up to his neck in depression and PTSD and was in no state to take care of himself, let alone a child (or two kids, after Itachi (Kakashi's kouhai who he also probably felt a lot of responsibility for) killed the rest of Sasuke's family.) He only really started healing once he got Team Seven and honestly would've been a pretty terrible parental figure before that moment.

Like, he already wasn't perfect, even if he tried. But it could've been so much worse. Having a suicidal parent is not fun in the slightest and an awful weight to put on young kids.

But now we've gotten that out the way....

I LOVE NARUTO SO MUCH! He's a smiley sunshine boy but with so much hate and hurt stored up in his heart. I love how he starts off lashing out at everyone and everything and chasing any attention, even negative attention, just to feel seen. But then, with the help of Team Seven especially, he really starts applying himself and trying to improve his skills rather than just acting like the class clown. I love how deeply he takes Kakashi's message of break the rules of authority in order to do the right thing to heart.

(AT FIRST, at least. We can talk about how this message was sadly diluted throughout the series another time. Rip to the original Team Seven Hellraisers who all were ready to fight back against The System).

Like, sure, Naruto never cared that much about authority in the beginning, other than wanting to take it for himself (on another note, I do love how 'I WANNA LEAD SO PEOPLE WILL RESPECT ME' morphs to 'I wanna lead to protect my people and change the awful way our world is run'. That's great character development! Even if I wish it had been pushed further haha.)

But Kakashi was an authority figure himself. One who told Naruto that he and his friends' willingness to disobey him for the sake of helping each other was precisely why he liked them and thought they had potential. I think that really helped Naruto put his initial character trait of instinctively pushing back against authority for the sake of it into a different perspective. Kakashi imparted a whole new ethos to him: 'don't fight the system for attention - but don't be afraid to fight the system when the system is wrong'.

Add to all this that Naruto was CRAVING love and affection. I will never not be over how Kakashi hits Naruto with 'I would die to protect you :smileyface:' during that fight with Zabuza - then pulls a SHOCKED PIKACHU FACE when Naruto refuses to ababdon him.

YEAH OF COURSE NARUTO'S GONNA LATCH ONTO YOU, YOU GOOBER. YOU TAUGHT HIM TO ALWAYS DEFEND HIS FRIENDS DESPITE ORDERS TO THE CONTRARY AND THEN PULLED A FREAKING IRUKA ON HIM.

HE LOVES YOU NOW. YOU CAN'T GET RID OF HIM.

Hatake Kakashi, you have been dad-dopted by a plucky orphan. This is your life.

ThEn We HaVe KaKaShI's PeRsPeCtIvE -

I mean, Naruto is Minato's kid. Who Kakashi probably feels a WHOLE LOT of guilt for abandoning, plus maybe a teeny bit of resentment against Kurama (though I feel like Kakashi's wise enough to move past that and see Naruto as a kid rather than anything else). He looks JUST like Minato and acts JUST like Kushina: the people who helped to take care of Kakashi after his own father died.

Like. The parallels are Right There. The anime makes them EXPLICIT, using the exact same backdrop and lighting and themes on scenes of baby Kakashi and baby Naruto.

Kakashi also knows what it's like to grow up as a pariah, thanks to the village's treatment of his father (my heart is still breaking about how he was legitimately afraid to show emotion and break any rule... baby.) Yeah, he was hated to a lesser degree due to the lack of a Giant Demon Fox sealed in his belly, but what he went through was no less damaging. Especially as every time he reached out to someone and allowed himself to form a connection... THEY DIED HORRIBLY.

Now he has Naruto on his squad: the bratty, badly socialised child of two of those Dead People who meant the entire world to him. Naruto is reckless and loud and obnoxious. He's hurt and traumatised and angry at the whole village. He's craving guidance and care.

Now, I don't think Hatake 'self-loathing' Kakashi believes he's the right person to give Naruto either of those things. If we're going the Watsonian route, he basically ignored Naruto for TWELVE YEARS because of his own issues. Of course he's gonna blame himself for that. Our sad wet-cat scrunkly man blames himself for everything.

But HE'S THERE NOW.

So, he's gonna make Naruto eat his veggies. He's gonna train him to fight so he's not killed by their horrible world. He's gonna try to keep the TICKING TIMEBOMB THAT IS TEAM SEVEN together.

And when it all falls apart, he's gonna hug Naruto. He's gonna hug him a lot.

I think he hugs/carries Naruto more than he shows physical affection for any other character??? And like. Just. AHHHH MY HEART. I need to reblog that big amazing collection of all their huggy moments again (was that a Skykashi post?? I THINK SO <3)

I'm forever obsessed with the contrast between that one manga panel of Naruto glomping him with 'MASTER KAKASHI I LOVE YOU' and Kakashi going 'ugh get off you're embarrassing me', compared with ALL THE TIMES KAKASHI CUDDLES NARUTO OR CARRIES HIM AROUnd AHHHHHHH

I headcanon that Kakashi TRIED to keep Naruto at arms length. He TRIED. He's scared of making connections and caring about other people, after all. But Naruto was always RIGHT THERE, reminding Kakashi that his rules about never leaving friends behind goes in both directions, never giving up on anything he wanted to achieve, forever looking ahead to the future - in such a stark contrast to Kakashi's tendency to get lost in the past.

Obviously, I think meeting Kakashi and receiving that Big Brother-type support throughout his life changed Naruto for the better. Even in Boruto, we still see how Kakashi is always the one Naruto looks up to and goes to for help and reassurance!

But I think meeting the kids - especially Naruto - saved Kakashi, too. Depressed assassin gets reverse-adopted by plucky orphans + sakura and slowly starts to look forward rather than backwards and find a new purpose in the world outside of murder... what an arc!

[johnsamericano]

『 ‎ ‎لմղցաօօ / ӀօղҽӀìղҽʂʂ ìղժմçէìօղ 』

warnings: gossiping, made up rumors, bullying, obsessive behavior, toxic relationship, implied signals of depression.

taglist: @nakamotocore @jisooapproved @la-ra-rumi @winwiniee @yijiujiujiu @nctlovesme

loveholic masterlist.

“Whore.”

“Slut.”

“Slut.”

“Cheater.”

Slam. You shut the door of your car, keeping yourself safe from the whispers outside.

It had been almost a week since the rumors of your so-called infidelity started. The person who'd started them was still unknown to you, but they'd made sure not a single soul on the campus missed the news.

Jungwoo, your boyfriend, remained supportive. Even though everyone at school now saw him as the poor boy who was too dumb to break up with you, he stood by your side, defending you whenever someone brought the rumors up. Your closest friend, who’d also stood up for you several times, started drifting away as soon as the new rumor was a trending topic.

Apparently, this time you'd been accused of being a prostitute. The user, who'd taken the task of ruining your life, had gone as far as taking pictures of another woman that looked the slightest bit like you walking out of a club with a noticeably older man holding out his arm for her. And of course, you couldn't blame your friend, no one wants to be friends with a whore.

“You should take a break.” Jungwoo had said a few days ago, with you curled up in his lap, crying your eyes out. “You can stay here with me.”

The idea had sounded foolish when you'd first heard it, you were only a semester away from graduation, only a couple of months and you'd be far away from the gossip surrounding you. But it had gotten worse over three days, and you couldn't ignore the fact that two anonymous accounts had sent you death threats.

You called Jungwoo, letting him know you'd speak with the coordinator to take the rest of the semester off.

He was ecstatic, to say the least. His darling, y/n, was finally going to spend more time with him, away from all her hypocrite friends.

He made sure his house was all cleaned up by the time you arrived, a small bag filled with clothes hanging from your shoulder.

“How did it go?”

“I got yelled at on my way out of the office, just the usual.”

He’d be lying if he said he didn't feel sorry for you, but in his eyes, it was all for a greater good. You'd soon come to realize you didn't need anyone but him, and then, you'd never leave his side.

“Come here, baby.”

You were no slut, just a fragile girl that needed his nursing. Just a few more days of tweeting about you and it’d all be over, he'd delete the account as well as the app and forget anything happened. He’d focus on taking care of you, nothing else.

“Why do they hate me so much, woo?” Oh, how long he'd been waiting for you to ask that very question.

“They don't deserve you, people are trash, y/n. You don't need them, you're safe here, with me.” Just like a magic spell, he had you under his power with those simple words.

“You’re right.”

His heartbeat accelerated, but he hoped you wouldn't be able to hear it, afraid you'd find out he’d been responsible for your misery all along. He’d make it up to you, he assured himself, attempting to ease the guilt he felt.

“Now, let's order some food, alright?”

“I don't feel like eating.”

That's when he realized, maybe his perfect plan wasn't so perfect at all. Just then, he noticed the dark circles under your puffy eyes, your face slightly paler and skinnier as well as the rest of your body, when had you changed so much? It didn't matter, you were safe in his arms and he'd be able to fix you, right?

[moxiebustion]

I have a headcanon about Shmi and Anakin that a little panacea to all the Free Shmi or Else rhetoric that goes: a part of the Tusken Massacre was about Anakin's guilt.

Not guilt for failing to save her, that's a given.

No, this guilt was because, in my headcanon, Anakin was given the change to holocall Shmi after she was freed. I mean, she FREE she can presumably make a holocall to wherever she wants and I'm sure the Jedi Order, as a semi-public institution, has a public-accessible holocall directory of some sort. They were space Buddhists, not Space Amish.

So Shmi manages to get through to a young Anakin (let's say... seventeen, when the teenage stupid had really started to seep in) and surprise! Guess what Ani! I'm FREE.

And I got married! And they have a lovely son too, his name is Owen and...

... and Anakin, being Anakin, isn't happy for her.

Why? Because HE was the one who was supposed to go back and free her. HE was the one who was supposed to whisk her off that wretched ball of sand. HE was supposed to be the hero of that story when the time was right, when he was a KNIGHT, when he was free to do whatever he wanted...

And now it's too late! Shmi had the temerity to rescue HERSELF. She freed herself with her own two hands. She is the Unfettered, and she did it WITHOUT HIM.

And then, a further blow! She's hooked up with some guy on Tatooine! A farmer! She's living with him. She's HAPPY being a moisture farmer. She's not even trying to LEAVE, she just chained herself somewhere else on that damned sand planet!

And then, and this is perhaps the worst betrayal of them all. She has ANOTHER SON. Okay, he's older than Anakin, and Anakin sort of knew him, but who cares? She's mother to SOME OTHER BOY now, it's not just Anakin who knows her secret smiles and her laughs and who gets taught how to read the incoming storms. She had a whole new world of people around her...

... and none of them are Anakin, who was once the centre of it.

So Anakin, seething with a jealously he barely comprehends let alone is willing to acknowledge, falls back on The Good Jedi Protocol, or at least what he thinks is the Good Jedi Protocol because he still fundamentally does not understand how the Jedi express themselves; he gives her a polite and stilted goodbye, saying that, as he's now a JEDI and very nearly a KNIGHT they were, of course, fated to be completely separated from each other, that he can't afford to get distracted from his training and he's not allowed to form familial bonds with anyone as per Order rules etc etc...

This is complete and utter bunk, of course. Obi-Wan would fly him out there himself if he knew (he doesn't). But Anakin can't help the twist of guilty satisfaction he feels at his Shmi's hurt expression when he tells her he wouldn't INTRUDE on her NICE BRAND NEW (REPLACEMENT) FAMILY as she clearly doesn't need him and so on. He feels bad, but the idea of her moving on without him feels worse and some part of him just wants to inflict that hurt back on her. Just a bit.

He gives her a cold May The Force Be With You Lady Skywalker, just like a proper (in his mind) Jedi and hangs up and... that's that.

Every once in a while, like on Life Day or some other Tatooine holiday, she'll call. Or send a message maybe.

He never replies to any of them.

So, the next time he sees her is... the last time he sees her ever again.

Two years of silence. Two years of missed calls. Two years of not knowing, nor wanting to know, about what was happening on Tatooine. No trips out to visit to see what their security was like. No beefed up battalion of security droids sent when she might have talked about unrest at the borders of the farms. Two whole years of conversations and smiles and 'I love yous' missed.

Nothing. Nothing but a body, and the impotent rage that is begotten of guilt and regret.

Does it excuse what happens next? Force no. Not in the slightest. Anakin Skywalker didn't understand his jealousy then and he doesn't understand his guilt or shame now. He refuses to even acknowledge the opportunity he missed or that it no one's fault but his own swollen ego, his own need to be the hero of all his loved one's stories, and the tantrum he threw when it didn't happen like he planned it in his head. But it does maybe explain why the acceleration curve from zero to baby killer was so damn steep.

He had to have someone to blame for his mistake.

Two whole years, and he may have even been able to prevent it entirely if he's just sucked it up and at least tried to be happy for her.

But this is Anakin Skywalker. No one in the galaxy was better at shooting themselves in the foot, even when he didn't have feet.

okay, who's out there headcanoning that Cliegg never got rid of Shmi's explosive device and that she hated being with him and that she wanted to leave and that she was a slave wife and not a partner? because whoever's doing that you're wrong.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Feeling very emotional about how you depict the trauma of having abuse in a household which isn't directed at you. Ryan and Izzy mean a lot to me. It really isn't something which is talked about enough, especially when it causes PTSD and huge guilt. (I know Izzy is also abused but I mean in the context of witnessing one parent abusing another). I'm just blown away by how nuanced and compassionate your depiction of trauma is.

Ryan and Danny very much hit the Golden Child/Scapegoat dynamic of emotional abuse, and while Ryan has it "easy", he also struggles with the reality of what that has meant for Danny, and with guilt and regret over the times when they were young that he allowed Danny to take the blame for him, or didn't speak up or try to defend him.

As an adult, he does his best to make up for it, knowing that he can't. But he and Danny are inseparable and always were, regardless of whatever else happens to them.

But, yeah, I think there's a particular kind of awful sharp guilt that the Golden Child can live with when they realize what it meant for the Scapegoat child.

As for Izzy, @comfy-whumpee and I have at length about how their Jax and Izzy become essentially unhealthily codependent, because Izzy is already forced to essentially be a second parent to her infant brother even when she is only four years old - she knows how to change his diapers and can get out one of his readymade bottles or snacks when he's hungry. She echoes her father's actions in turning down food if it means her little brother might not have enough, because the example she has of a parent who loves her is a parent who is forced to accept abuse to keep himself and his children alive and together.

One thing about Izzy is that she and Jamie undergo very different early childhoods. Izzy is four years old when Jax escapes and retains some fairly clear memories and fears. She has a lot of nervous issues, is diagnosed with severe anxiety, struggles to speak up in school and with severe delays in her social development and some significant academic delays, because she is so scared all the time that her brain struggles to soak up and create the kind of social connections other kids her age are making. Jax (and the other servants) did what they could but Izzy suffered from a chaotic mix of Jax's love and Savvie's neglect or outright violent hostility, and her development is very affected by it.

Also, Jax was so overwhelmed and traumatized himself that he would often need to step away from parenting, and while Izzy and Jamie would be watched by Hannah, Izzy was keenly aware nonetheless that sometimes her father seemed like he couldn’t bear to be near her.

Jamie was a year old, and so he has no memories of Savvie directly. But he also has nightmares more often than is altogether normal for a small child as he grows up, and he reflects and responds to Izzy and Jax's trauma adaptations with his own - he's a little bit of a class clown (his ADHD feeds into that), he's light-hearted and always smiling. He focuses on drawing the two of them out of their fears as best he can without even realizing consciously that he's doing it. He also grows up knowing his father and sister both have complicated plans for what to do if Savvie somehow returns.

I wanted to show that while Izzy's trauma doesn't just fade, even though the main cause was during her early childhood. She retains a sense of being a 'second parent' to Jamie even after Kieran enters their lives and is their dad as much as Jax is. When there is the slightest hint of risk or danger, Izzy switches back into Jamie's Mom mode.

I don't know. I feel like there is often this sense in fiction of kids being so resilient, but resilience doesn't mean you don't still have to get through it, day by day. It doesn't mean it goes away. And so much of our brain development is affected by our early treatment. But it doesn't have to define us.

[zapsalis-d]

Narudar: Chapter Twenty-Seven—The Desolation

SUMMARY: Subsequent to the fight, you're left alone to your emotions. Unluckily for you, that doesn't last too long.

WARNINGS: Slight!Cobb Vanth x reader (only temporarily!), The usual angst

WORD COUNT: 5.0k

MASTERLIST >>> MAIN MASTERLIST

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

"What was what?!" you snapped. Adrenaline still tracked itself intensely throughout your entire body, a fierce and hostile wrath reigning over your actions and emotions, contorting your face underneath your mask into an aggrieved glare. With you one big, raging step ahead of Cobb Vanth who strives to pursue you, you approached the small-scale fire the group was previously camping at—although what with all the commotion from five minutes ago, everyone had disappeared from it.

"That back there!" Cobb raised an emerald beskar-clad arm, towards the direction in which that pestering fight occurred. It was evident that he was dominated by his own slice of annoyance and exasperation as well, considering you hadn't even offered the slightest bit of information for him other than don't say my name in front of Mando and I need to get away from him as soon as possible. But that was nothing compared to the fury fuming within your heaving chest. "You know what I mean— do you know each other?"

"Obviously!" You continued down the course that led to your campfire, weaving swiftly through the several tents set up by the Tuskens. You released an irritated groan, fingers curling up and forming a strictly clenched fist as you attempted to suppress the anger threatening to escape from within you. "Why else would I have wanted to leave so quickly?! Cobb, this is exactly why I didn't want to come—"

A scoff was audible from behind you. "Maybe if you'd bothered to fill me in on the situation, I would've—"

"That's none of your damn business, alright?" you barked, whirling around to face him—though the visor of your dark-colored mask prevented true eye contact with the chocolate hues in his eyes. You urged yourself to wind down a bit in fear of awaking the remaining Tuskens any further. Disgruntled grunts were already discernible, indicating you'd annoyed quite a few of them—and so you gradually lowered your voice. "We had a past I'd prefer not to talk about. It's nothing of your concern."

A sigh escaped from Cobb's lips. "What were you doing all the way over there, then? Why did you disappear?"

"I left to escape from all that arguing—it was ticking me off!" You set a hand on your hip, leaning your weight onto one leg. "Apparently, I couldn't escape from that... Plus, I had to drink that— that stinky melon thing. I didn't need Mando seeing my face... looks like I couldn't avoid that either." You let out a vexed puff of breath, shaking your head as your mind raced and struggle to provide yourself a solution to all this. Then, "I'm heading back to town. I need to leave."

"No, we need your help with the Krayt dragon," Cobb instantly denied the idea, clearly disliking it. "I need your help. You know I don't wanna do this alone with Mando."

"Well, I also happen to hate Mando! I know you don't understand, but I need to get as far away from him as possible. I'm sure that, with the help of the Tuskens, you guys won't even need my assistance."

"I thought you were gonna rest here for a few months..." With his gaze trained steadily on you keeping your attention, you had a gut feeling he was going to attempt to guilt-trip you as he'd previously done to convince you into joining this mission (and, unluckily for you, it had successfully worked... because how could you resist him when he looked at you with those eyes?) Then, "...with me?"

"That was the plan," your prominently distorted voice softened. You gnawed at your cheek with your teeth to remind yourself you urgently needed to go, no matter what Cobb said. "But things have changed. My top priority tight now is finding a Jedi and you know that—I've told you a million times. Maybe once I've done so—and when Mando's gone—I can come back and visit again, but... Sorry. I have to leave."

"...but I need you."

"No, I need to go—"

"At least until we're done and over with the drago—"

"No—" you spun around as quickly as you could to escape from his attempt in persuading you, heading straight towards the speeders' direction instead. "No. Cobb, you're not doing this alone, you've got the Tuskens and Mando to help you. You don't need me."

A warm hand enveloped itself around your palm, calloused fingers entwining with your own, causing you to freeze in your tracks and once again turn to look into those honey eyes. "Please?"

"Vanth! You—" a groan escaped your lips, your digits tightening around his. "Ugh! Fine."

If there was something you figured out these recent months, it was this: you were a sucker for bucketheads.

(Sometimes, you despised the fact—other times, it wasn't so bad."

"But don't expect me to stay much longer afterwards, alright?"

"Not to worry—I'll keep Mando away from you."

An inevitable grin snuck onto your lips. "Yeah, I'm sure you can keep Mando away but will you be able to keep the kid away from me? I doubt it."

"What, you hate the baby, too?"

"No, of course not," you replied, gaze slowly dropping. "I just don't need him bothering me..."

Correction: you don't need him getting in the way of yourself desperately trying not to attach yourself to him again.

And ever since he'd reappeared back on Mos Pelgo, that easily became gruesome to avoid. Those large dark eyes, long and pointy ears, cute little smiles and giggles—you missed him so damn much, and there was nothing you could desire more than pick him up and hug him so close to you, never allow yourself to leave him again... That was highly improbable, though. And it had pained you to compel yourself to push him away yet again, when you initially believed you would never have to do such a thing again. Turns out that conclusion was extremely erroneous.

"I'm going to sleep," you finally spoke up after a moment of losing yourself in your asphyxiating thoughts. You approached the fire that was now a few feet away, before plopping yourself down besides the flickering flames, immersing yourself in the pleasant warmth it provided throughout the chilly desert night.

"Here? There's a tent left you can take over there."

"You take it. I'm fine here." You lifted your gaze when he hadn't inched away the slightest bit. "Go, I'm fine! I promise. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," he whispered back, before reluctantly stepping away and heading towards his tent.

Your decision was to wait a short amount of time before truly deciding to fall asleep. Once everything seemed to calm down, the Tuskens were returning to the security of their tents, and a certain Mandalorian was out of sight, you slid your hood back down and removed your mask for the final time tonight. Now that your vision was clearer and lacking the usual dark tint of a thin visor, you set the object down besides you (making certain it was in reach this time). A couple of feet away from the fire—close enough to keep you warm throughout the night and far enough not to irritate or possibly burn you—you laid yourself down and shifted around to find a comfortable position. That proved to be quite onerous, given that you were laying on the ground with nothing other than your cloak to cover yourself with. Plus, your armor was making it increasingly intolerable and difficult to sleep with, though you wouldn't dare separate from it around here.

You had absolutely no clue what you were thinking back then by setting your mask down such a distance from you, but you certainly hadn't expected Din to start searching around for you like that—not to mention he had indirectly accused you of taking the Child away from him. All of this could've easily been avoided if you'd simply elected not to take a moment to rest from your suffocating mask straight after drinking that abhorrent milk within the black melon. You could've plainly dismissed the Mandalorian with a mere I don't know, your voice accompanied by deep distortion that would obscure your identity from him. That was why you couldn't bring yourself to reply, because he would've undoubtedly recognized your voice. But then, he did seem as if he were suspecting something, and may have tackled you either way. Still, your face wouldn't have been risked...

If your covering hadn't been so damn asphyxiating underneath Tatooine's strangulating climate, you wouldn't have had ever removed it in the first place. The mask had been hiding away your features ever since you'd caught that flash of a glimpse of the undeniably familiar silver beskar-clad man mounted on a speeder bike, leisurely driving deeper into the city. As soon as you'd seen him, you couldn't help but panic and rush over to the temporary living home you shared alongside Cobb Vanth. You remembered it painfully clear—one second, you're speaking to one of your fellow companions from Mos Pelgo, and the other, you're rushing inside, frantically preparing yourself with your entire set outfit: armor, cloak, and mask, before immediately heading out to investigate the situation.

Your primary trepidation was that he'd returned for you, had somehow pinpointed your exact location to meet with you. You feared he'd regretted his decision, that perhaps he'd wished to apologize.

To which you wouldn't have forgiven him, considering all he'd done to you...

Luckily, that wasn't the case, and your shrouded uniform server you well... momentarily. As soon as you learned that the Mandalorian had solely arrived for Cobb's armor, you could sigh a breath of well-needed alleviation. Sorta. Until that fight minutes ago.

With your back facing the fire behind you, and your eyes still wide open, lacking your usual tiredness, you released a sigh. You pulled your cloak tighter around your figure, strengthening your hold around it to conserve your body heat. It was quite tedious how rapidly the temperatures altered in the deserts—but at least you weren't melting underneath the scorching binary suns.

If only you'd continued bounty hunting whilst simultaneously pursing a Jedi instead of coming here for a few months' rest. Hunting had, after all, provided you with everything you could ever need and desire. With Greef Karga promising that your Guild rates would increase drastically, that had encouraged you to return to bounty hunting, even though you weren't exactly feeling your best after everything that had occurred... At least you earned additional credits—more than you ever had in the past cycles you'd been a member of the Bounty Hunter's Guild.

That allowed you to purchase your outfit from an exorbitant emporium located on a bustling industrial planet overpopulated by excessively monumental cities. The scarlet cloak in particular was the one that had instantly caught your eye—it's silky softness seemed pleasant to wear, and considering its dark color, plus the hood, it practically screamed that you were a dangerous bounty hunter, an elite member of the Guild at that, and combated with heightened skills. Then, there was the mask that you'd purchased. It was actually a broken and fragmented Stormtrooper mask, which you had decided to reconstruct, fix, and refine to your own liking (the visor had been the most difficult part of rebuilding it). The armor was the most costly of everything you'd bought that day, but it was damn worth it. Not only did it come equipped with jet rockets in the calf armor that could assist you in gliding and ultimately saving your life in case you fell from high altitudes, but its manufacturer stated that it was formulated by Zillo beast scales.

You hadn't believed that at first. But the industrialist had allowed you to test it out, and everything checked out. The tawny plates of armor deflected literally anything that attacked it—blaster bolts, blades, a variety of weapons, and if you still had access to your lightsaber, you would've definitely experimented with it. You'd immediately bought the armor, and so far, it had saved your life several times. That, along with the cloak and mask, had also helped you conceal yourself from the entire galaxy, given that now the grand majority of the people surrounding you recognized you as a Jedi.

If only they knew of the things you'd done in your past, of the ways you'd utilized the Force in such abhorrent ways, of how you couldn't possibly deserve to be known as a Jedi.

Setting all that stuff aside, the credits you acquired through hunting was sufficient to allow yourself a well-deserved vacation here, to an isolated city you'd heard rumors about. Sure, it wasn't the best planet... Sorgan and Nata had crossed your mind, but— well, stuff happened over there.

Stuff you'd prefer to forget rather than remember every waking minute of your life.

So, Mos Pelgo seemed like the most desirable option at the time. Yeah, there was the unbearable heat, endless dunes of sand, a variety of dangerous people around... but then you bumped into Cobb Vanth. You'd actually met him cycles previously, and it was definitely a surprise (a pleasant surprise at that) to to encounter yourself with him again. Occasionally, you'd return to Mos Pelgo to visit the city's Marshal, stay for a month or two, then go back to hunting... This particular occasion, however, was shortened and not exactly well-lived. And—

"Patoo."

You had never bolted up right so quickly in your entire life.

Your heart had nearly jolted right out of your chest as you whirl around on the ground to face the Child across the other wide of the fire. Your gaze landed on his petite figure, pointy ears perking up upon realizing your face was entirely exposed and he could finally see you instead of the mask. He'd known the whole time it was you underneath all those layers of cloth and armor. It was completely understandable—he'd clearly felt your familiar Force presence, sensing that you were the enigma that Mando couldn't fathom. His little mouth quirked up into a smile, flashing those cute baby teeth that absolutely melted you. You released a breathy giggle for a second, before widening your eyes as he started his way towards you ecstatically, lifting his claws towards you.

"No, kid, you need to go back to Mando, alright?" You shook your head, trying your best to refuse him. But when he'd climbed up onto your lap, you couldn't help but freeze, unknowing what you should even do. You needed to return him to Mando, but... you didn't really feel like confronting him right now. "You can't be here. Go back."

You attempted to lift him with no avail, the effort ending up with him struggling against your hands, whining and protesting, until you eventually slumped your shoulders as a puff of frustrated breath escaped your lips. As soon as you'd set your hands aside, the Child recognized you'd given in and snuggled nearer to your body, finding comfort and contentment curled up into a ball close to your abdomen. A strict claw clutched onto your vermillion cloak, gripping so firmly, as if he could be abruptly separated from you any second now. You couldn't help but tense up, recognizing the consequences of what this could lead to—attachment.

And you couldn't allow that.

Not again.

Not after everything that happened...

"I need to take you back," you whispered, although your low and hardly audible voice evidently hadn't helped with keeping the infant awake. He hadn't answered or even moved the slightest bit, merely continuing to grasp onto the silky red fabric. Saltwater brimmed the lining of your eyes, beginning to irritate and blur your vision—but you couldn't permit them to fall, and you wouldn't. All you could possibly do right now is hope the Child would come to his senses (though you highly doubted persuading him into returning to Din was even possible. Not after all the time he'd gone without seeing you). "Mando's probably looking for you..."

The Child, per usual, refused to listen to you. That left you with no other option than to wait, until he fell asleep. To which then you could then, reluctantly, go searching for Mando and hand over his kid.

You could still manage to recognize when the Child truly was lost in his dreams, recalling those restless rotations spent alongside the Mandalorian, putting in your utmost efforts to get the relentless infant to fall asleep. All the kid had wanted to do was play, play, eat, and play—time for sleep was not on his schedule. Of course, he'd solely dozed off when it wasn't exactly the time you needed him to (like that wretched day you and Din partnered with that pestering group to rescue a prisoner, resulting in a betrayal). For now, though, you knew the Child was still awake, with his rapid breaths and the unyielding clasp on your cloak. Although you couldn't quite watch his expression since he was in a coiled position, you had a feeling his eyes were shut closed and he was nearly sleeping already.

As much as you despised these memories recently returning to your exhausted brain... the initial few rotations lacking his company were absolute hell.

You'd spent what felt like cycles, an everlasting eternity, constantly thinking about him, constantly worrying over him, constantly wondering whether Din were caring for him properly, constantly curious whether the baby had been affected by your unexpected departure. Eventually, you'd come to the conclusion that overthinking was not beneficial for you, what with your return to bounty hunting that required the grand majority of your thoughts and attention, plus your new mission to seek a Jedi. You found yourself, as strenuous and demanding as it was, compelling yourself to completely forget the Child and neglect the fact that you loved the little womp rat. Your protection was no longer required, Din had made that crystal-clear... Originally, you hadn't understood why Din had ordered you to leave in such an unanticipated manner (especially given that you'd recently almost died, and spent the entire remainder of that fight with painfully broken ribs and a rather traumatized head), and honestly, you still couldn't comprehend the true purpose of that. But what you did recognize was, it was for the best.

At least now you had all these credits and expensive belongings and new weapons...

That didn't do much against the fact that you still weren't happy.

When you'd forcefully drawn yourself out of your thoughts, you couldn't help the grin sneaking onto your lips. Your gaze dropped again, listening as soft snores escaped the Child's mouth and realizing his claws not quite clutching onto the scarlet material as strictly as before. The previous tears edging your eyes had disappeared long ago, yet they'd managed to sneakily form and well up once more...

You'd missed this. You missed keeping the Child safe within your arms, fast asleep, with absolutely no concern (other than the bounty hunters relentlessly hot on your tails), when you'd spend the lazy days within the Razor Crest, traveling securely through hyperspace, and you and Din would spend the day indulging in unimportant small talk whilst momentarily playing games to keep the Child entertained. You longed for the sorta serene times before Greef Karga had offered Din that proposition, before you'd insulted Din with those unkind and hurtful words, before you nearly left the Child lacking his sole two protectors.

As crucial and complicated your circumstances seemed back then, they were surprisingly simple compared to the present.

And to top this glorious night off, the familiar figure of Din Djarin was approaching from the distance. You figured he'd eventually bump into you after searching the entire camp for the Child, even though he evidently seemed to be wanting to avoid you as much as you did. Sucking in a sharp breath, you mentally prepared yourself to camouflage the disarray of emotions swirling wildly within you in this very moment. Hesitantly, you stood and walked towards the Mandalorian who was already making his way towards your direction.

The both of you had halted in front of each other, and for what felt like forever, an intolerable silence stretched endlessly between you two. The repulsive discomfort was utterly insufferable and aggravating altogether, even more considering that particularly painful fight, plus the fact that you were currently deficient of your mask and your hood no longer concealed a portion of your face. Tension enveloped the ambience without ceasing nor straying away as you merely gazed into that dark visor—the damned visor you had convinced yourself that you'd never have the chance to see again.

"He was... He came looking for me," you muttered, precisely loud enough for him to hear. The Child sleeping in your arms remained still and unmoving, immersed in a deep sleep now. You outstretched your hands, leaning forward a bit to offer him the infant.

"Thank you..." Swiftly and carefully, you'd exchanged the Child into the Mandalorian's grasp instead. The gentle brush of his orange gloved fingers inevitably returned specific memories to your mind, and in a split second, it was gone. The Child had been taken away from your warm embrace, leaving you feeling bitterly cold.

"Goodnight," was all you could muster afterwards, wishing for this pestering situation to vanish already. Din nodded, once, whispering a hardly audible goodnight before quickly spinning around to split ways with the Child snug and tucked into one of his arms.

You watched as he stepped away, the beskar shining spectacularly underneath the moonlit sky and prominent amongst the tan-colored tents and plain surroundings, before he was ultimately out of your line of vision. Then, you settled yourself down again, this time hoping you could catch a bit of slumber—which didn't seem very plausible... not tonight.

↯

"They say it lives in there."

After Din's statement, you eyed the colossal cavern gracing the mountainous rocks up ahead, hoping to catch the slightest bit of the Krayt dragon that caused so much destruction and frustration. Your group comprised of you, the Marshal, the Mandalorian, the Child, and several Tuskens alongside their banthas—a rather strange band of people you might add. While the Sand People traveled on their mammoth-sized mammalian beasts, you and the rest trekked through the Dune Sea on your speeder bikes. Currently, you were high up on the ledge of a mountain, peering down below towards the pitch-black cave.

As soon as you'd arrived at your destination, you couldn't help but shiver. The cavity in the mountains extended deep within the tawny rocks, almost like an endless abyss of utter darkness—which only brought Mudhorn flashbacks to mind.

Except the Mudhorn, as monstrous and frightening as it had seemed back then, was nothing compared to the Krayt.

"They say it sleeps," Din translated each and every word the chieftain spoke. The Mandalorian borrowed a pair of binoculars one of the Tuskens had come equipped with—a familiar set of binocs, and you knew exactly why... Then, "It lives in an abandoned sarlacc pit."

Cobb Vanth nearly scoffed. "Lived on Tatooine my whole life. There's no such thing as an abandoned sarlacc pit."

A wince appeared on your features, though your expression was concealed bu your mask, its thin visor directing itself towards Cobb. "Not unless you eat the sarlacc within."

It made absolute sense, actually. From what you'd seen (and you hadn't had the chance to see much, that dragon was unfathomably enormous, not to mention tremendously dangerous and hazardous if agitated. If it was capable of tearing straight through civilization and thick sand dunes, then that monster needed to be taken care of and quick. Or else soon enough, Mos Pelgo would suffer even worse consequences, and truly be wiped off the surface of Tatooine.

"What's with the bantha?" you questioned, watching as a Tusken down below approached the Krayt's den whilst leading a furry, horned creature. With you being side-by-side with Din and Cobb, practically sandwiched in the middle, you would admit (though not out loud) that you were rather... uncomfortable. But your question was an attempt to rid your brain of the tension between you and the Mandalorian, no matter how difficult and improbable that proved to be. If you at least tried to get along with the man, perhaps the whole mission would be smoother, although your patience wears thin with these type of things.

Din had returned the binoculars back to its rightful owners. Then, "They're laying out a bantha to protect the settlement. They've studied its digestion cycle for generations. They feed the dragon to make it sleep longer." The Mandalorian paused, everyone watching as the pair below halted in front of the dark cavern. "Watch, the dragon will appear."

Within a split second, the Tusken raised both its gloved hands, cupping the area of his mask where his mouth was supposed to be, before releasing a deep, reverberating bellow. The cry echoed throughout the entire cavity, unquestionably awaking the perilous beast within it. The Child had appeared besides you, now peering over the rocks and breathing out a gentle whimper, indicating the both of you were undergoing the exact feeling—the Force was warning you both that what was occurring below was highly life-threatening. A menacing growl was audible, emanating from within the cavern, causing the Tusken to whirl around and leave the bantha behind for the Krayt to devour.

You frowned underneath your mask. "Wait, but wouldn't the Krayt just—"

The dragon emerged from the cavity, opening its mouth wide and exposing its intimidating rows of keenly sharp teeth. But instead of taking advantage of the bulky and meatier meal that was initially designated for it, the beast had simply set the bantha aside and solely headed towards the Tusken who desperately attempted to rush away to salvage his own life. But next thing you knew, the Tusken was consumed whole by the Krayt dragon.

"—eat whatever is moving..."

A crackle in Din Djarin's voice modulator indicated a deep sigh. Then, "They might be open to some fresh ideas."

↯

"What are the bones?"

"That's the Krayt dragon."

"And those little pebbles?" You join in.

"...that's us."

You stare into Din's visor with disbelief etched all over your obscured face. Apparently, Cobb couldn't believe his statement either, "That's not to scale."

"I think it is."

"Can't be. That's too big."

The Tuskens alongside your group were congregated, inspecting the miniature layout which provided you with a better understanding for the plan—all thanks to the helpful Tuskens. Tiny grey rocks were set around a larger-scaled skeleton of some unknown dead creature. Your 'team' were ants compared to the 'Krayt dragon,' which only added to your trepidation. You despised dealing with these type of monstrous creatures, and it seems the dry desert planets have the worst of them... You hoped it weren't to scale, because it'd be nearly impossible to—

"It's to scale," Din confirmed after exchanging a brief question with the Sand People.

"I've only seen its head and neck," Vanth stated. "It's bigger'n I guessed."

"This is crazy... Cobb—" you called for your partner, catching his attention immediately. You shook your head with evident refusal. "We can't do this."

"Yeah," he agreed, glancing over to Din. "I'm thinkin' maybe we need to rethink our arrangement."

Din spoke to the Tuskens again, and within a few seconds, there were additional pebbles accompanying the original 'combatants.' Apparently, gaining this beskar was much more important to him than you initially imagined.

"That's more like it," Cobb commented. "Where are they getting reinforcements?"

"I volunteered your village."

That mere sentence was sufficient to cause that all-too-familiar wrath to swell up within your chest again, already beginning to dominate your emotions and actions. Your fists clenched tightly together, gaze snapping towards the Mandalorian, meeting him visor-to-visor with a stance that radiated nothing other than your anger. "What— Are you out of your mind? You're gonna bring them into a fight against a monster over ten-times their size?"

"It's their town," Din reasoned, per usual remaining calmer than you—temporarily. Although his irritation with the subject was already beginning to show in his modulated voice. "It only makes sense that they fight for their own city, too."

"I know, but you've seen the size of that thing!" You barked, a hand gesturing towards the model plan on the ground.

"All the better reason to recruit more people!"

"We're not doing this," you ordered, a tone of finality in your voice as you took a step closer.

"We did it on Sorgan," Din argued with his voice already beginning to raise to match with yours. "Don't you think they'll want to fight against the creature that's been pestering them for years?"

"That was a completely different situation, Mando! We're going against a kriffing monster here, not a group of raiders! We can't put their lives at risk for this!"

"Their lives already are at risk—"

"Okay, okay!" A new voice, dripping with an accent joined in and paused the argument in the nick of time. Several Tuskens nearby were already beginning to become aggravated with the constant disputes and yelling. Cobb continued as his eyes landed on you, "Now I'm sure the citizens of Mos Pelgo will oblige if it means we'll rid of the Krayt. We need all the help we can get."

So now he's on his side. Your chest heaved with a conspicuously heavy sigh, crossing your arms across your armored chest. You shook your head, wholeheartedly denying and disapproving the idea—but it seemed the two weren't going to change their minds. And they had reason not to—Cobb was hell-bent on destroying this pest once and for all, and Din was confident that he'd retrieve the armor that rightfully belonged with the Mandalorians. Your sole desire now was to leave this wretched planet, purchase transportation to a world a long distance from here, and never have to encounter the damned Mandalorian again. Another puff of breath escaped your lips, this time a sigh of utter defeat. "Fine. Let's get this over with already."

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Narudar Taglist: @wonderless-screwup @welcometothepedroverse @tanzthompson @the-bottom-of-the-abyss @thatonedindjarinfan @call-me-soap @tanyaherondale @eternal-fandoms

Permanent Taglist: @dindjarinsspouse

[hughiecampbelle]

You Remind Me Of My Own Unhappiness (Thomas Shelby Oneshot)

Character/s: Thomas

Word Count: 1,587

Tag List: @dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt @myriadimagines @lilyswritings @encounterthepast @writerdream22 @brithedemonspawn @megnotfound @death-of-a-mermaid @woahitslucyylu @obsessedunicorn24 @thedarkqueenofavalon @fangirlsarah16 @captivatedbycillianmurphy @theshelbyclan @creativemayhems @soleil-dor @thegirlwithoutaname87 @babylooneytoonz @peakyxtommy @locke-writes @lucillethings @miahelen @valkyrie-2312

A/N: A lil writing before I start requested prompt fics, which are still open btw!!!! Ngl, I've had this is my head for a while, and it turned out better than I expected!!!!! I've been reading for my horror fiction class, so I guess this is kind of based off/inspired by all of it (lots of Poe, Jackson, King, etc.) so be warned my loveliest of loves!!!! Feedback is always appreciated 💜💖💜

Summary: You knew too much for his comfort 💕

Gif Credit: @peakycillianblinders :)

FIC MASTERLIST PARTS 1 -> 3 / WANNA BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST?

The earth is soft in your palms, loose as your dig away, your fingers aching amidst the clumps and rocks. The maggots fall one by one off the bone, disturbed in their everlasting feast. Fresh in his mind, an open wound he leaves exposed, to bleed, to breath, to eat him alive. Shallow, as expected. Careless in execution. Impatient, your husband always in such a hurry. Even with this. Handful by handful, muddied, the morning dew undisturbed even as nightfall came. Smelling faintly of a sweet memory, that of the first time you kissed. The raindrops coming between you. Pulling away with a laugh, in awe, at how his beauty compared to that of a rainy day. Your shoes sinking deep, your hands clutching his arms as he pulls you from the muck, letting the slightest hint of a smile slip. The noise of that day, the plops from the pond, the quiet, yet powerful, taps of the leaves, the shudder of branches and bones alike cold from the breeze, the soft of his voice, low, teasing of all the things he'd do when you were alone. Lost, but not forgotten.

It doesn't exist here. The silence is heavy, deadly, respectful. Something he is not. Early, before the sun has her chance to even set and paint the sky. The in between, the dark not as inky as you remember, the stars fading in, resting for their show ahead. A creature of habit, your husban. Every night, at the same time, no matter what. Day by day, you grow less and less, and this becomes an ever harder task than before. Time staking, your movements slow, weary, all knowing of the journey ahead. There is an ache of gratefulness, a nod to the thoughtfulness you assumed he was lacking in, though it could have come out of selfishness none of the less. Not far from home. A quiet walk, that of seclusion. A quick pace, a tight jaw, he could have made the journey in no time. Your body was not as forgiving

No wooden box. Not eternal flame. A sheet, dirty now, and spotted in red, tangled around you. Wet and cold. The same sheets you used to wash, scrubbing clean, that thick soap smell no longer. One more thing you'd miss, the newness of this dying as each minute ticked by. That excitement, that joy, that want for anything more fades as all things do, decomposing with the rest of you. It's become a duty, an obligation, to him, to your marriage, as all things had been, or would become.

There is no where else to go. Nothing more to do. A broken routine was a broken man. Fight it, resist, and you might find him in the tub again, his spine kissing the porcelain, neck bent, waiting to sink until he finds the bottom. You might find him in the bed you shared, eyes open, never crossing that split down the middle, always faced away from your side. You might find him out, at the bar, a job, surrounded, your presence striking him, bloodying his lip. He stares, his balance off, truly shaken to his core. You are a guest he does not share, a secret he locks in his closet, a beating heartbeat under his floorboards.

So, you give up fighting, as you had the last time, and accept this battle lost. Wave your white flag, shaking yourself free of the sheets, standing uneasily on your own rotting skeketon. Step by step, your toes tearing, soles wasting, the entirety of you threatening to cave, making your way home. Tendons frayed, splitting apart. Your flesh bloated, runny, what's left is chewed away. You can feel it all. Your teeth chatter by the openings that were your cheeks, the cold passing right through you, whistling through your open ribcage. Dreadfully exposed. All of it is heavy. With nothing to hold, to cling to, you're stitched together by a single thread. You pull forward with all your strength, choking back a scream. It wasn't pain, not anymore, your nervous system long gone, but the memory of it bursts through your open chest the way it had in that moment, before everything seeped away in a puddle beneath you, and the warmth of your body grew into icy cold.

Your hair is all but gone, just like your middle. Innards spilling into your clothes, filling out, everything once protected inside catching their first taste of freedom. You give up making yourself anymore presentable. You could pass for sickly, at your best, even tired in the beginning. The bags under your eyes gone now, eaten away, the green tint to your demeanor disappeared, leaving nothing but a rotting smell. There was no hiding this, hiding the time that's passed. The flies buzz, bugs crawl freely. It's much their home as yours. You click, a tune you suspect is music to his ears, but it only leaves an ache in your hollow chest. There isn't much left of you, there isn't much more time.

How long does he want to do this?

How much longer can you?

The light streams through the windows, a welcomed warmth. You missed it. You missed that comfort, that knowledge of a place being yours. All you had left to your name was a hole in the ground, weak and muddy. Even then, few knew it was yours at all. The back door, the one only homeowners used. You could see it, your skeletal hand resting weakly on the heavy door. A night like every other. Pressing your ear to the door, listening, as if the pull from his want, his need to see you, hadn't tugged you the whole way here. This act, so small, so innocent, had lead to consequences he could never take back.

Listening, waiting, your own breath no longer a distraction, your own heartbeat no longer drumming through your veins, interrupting every word. It was the only way. Banished, shunned, turned away. Though you wrote his name, you did not share blood, a defining trait he could not look past. The business, family business, turned you away. Complicit, docile, that's what he expected, what you tried to be. Yes, Love. No, Love. For your own protection, Love, as if it hadn't been the barrel of his gun pointed at your chest.

Not everything, but enough, your first mistake was making it known. Invading his world one word at a time, overstepping boundaries with a bit of advice. That was all it took. You realized too late, none of it you could ever take back. Pleading, wide eyed, you promised not to say anything more, to keep your distance between the job, but the damage was done. He changed before your eyes. Tight, rigid, masking himself, crawling back into his shell. He trusted you, he did, but not after that. A man like him could trust no one, not even the person he married. If you knew, who else did? Even the smallest detail could be dangerous. It could coolapse his entire empire. He didn't want to, insisting there was another way, but they agreed as long as you lived, knowing what you did, none of them were safe. A family by name, hardly by choice.

So, by their insistence, he pulled the trigger.

He dragged the body.

He dug a shallow grave.

He made an elaborate story, one of belief, of half-truths, and throw away lines about your solemn departure seeking a new life, abandoning your husband for something else, each of them chipping pieces and plots to the story, anything to help them sleep a little easier.

And here you sat, the hard wood of your dining room chairs puncturing your back. There are two plates, and two sets of silverware. A candle is lit between you. Not always, but tonight it seems he's been missing you more. A napkin sits on your lap, waiting, covering the mangled mass that used to be your lower half. He sits across from you, the space between you large enough to seat the entire family. Only two, though. Everyone else has left, gone, suspecting what it is Mr. Shelby is up to, wondering why they are let go more frequently, always at the exact same time. He musters up a smile, that of pain, with horror in his eyes, finally realizing just how cruel this has all been for you. You smile back, pieces of you ripping open, your lips uncurling, splitting in two, revealing a mouth empty of teeth.

Thomas speaks lightly of the day passed. The endless dread of paperwork, the faint gnaw that someone has been following him lately, a special nod to the advice he took from you that had been successful. No thank you, though. No admittance of grief or wrongdoing, no apology, not even a word of what you were really doing here. He couldn't let go, move on, he couldn't shake the guilt that woke you each night and put you to bed hours later. You were dead, killed by his own hand, had been for quite some time. Yet, every night after the murder you joined him. For dinner, for drinks, to sleep beside him in the bed you shared since your wedding day. Step by step, decaying in your time of rest, the same thought in your mind over and over, never letting it escape your lips, you knew better from the last time: when would he let you rest in peace?

[marshmallowprotection]

I looked through your masterlist and didn't yet come across this but let me know if you've already done something similar, there's a good chance I just missed it

I keep feeling fatigue and my whole body feels like it's trembling, especially my hands, everywhere hurts and I feel so weak but I can't rest since I still have a lot to study, and it's scary when I keep feeling like I'll faint but can't do anything about it because of academic pressure. And even worse is the fact that my hands hurt too much for me to draw even anything quick, easy and small to relieve all the stress even a little bit, and same with writing and playing video games, so the only thing that's left for me is reading for now. And reading through everything you've written is helping so much already, you're truly a blessing and everything you've posted is so well written and sweet

I could really use some scenario of GE Saeran maybe comforting and taking care of an MC who fainted because of working too much?;; If it's not too much and it somehow makes sense, you could also do it with the other alters too (but that's a lot more work and idk how it'd work with Magenta and all, so no pressure at all to also do that!!)

I do hope that you’re taking it easy and that you remember to take breaks!

GE Saeran knows what it feels like to work yourself into the ground. He knows what it feels like to be so tired that you feel like you’re going to fall over and just break out into tears because your brain is running on an eleven and your body is more like a six on the speed scale. He never thought that you would struggle in that way because you always seemed to have everything together. 

He never has known what it feels like to have a balance or filtered sense of ease or comfort and you’ve always seemed to know what’s up. He never thought that you would have similar struggles, but in retrospect, it makes sense why you just were able to empathize with Ray so much. 

He figured that he should have realized this sooner. 

He feels like he’s a bad boyfriend for not realizing how tough it’s been for you. Aren’t you supposed to notice when something is amiss? Aren’t you supposed to make sure that it is never getting to the point where it feels like you’re suffocating? 

There is guilt in his heart when he realizes that your eyes are fraught with frustrated tears because your body simply can’t do what you want it to do. 

Your limitations made to make you realize that you’ve momentarily lost the thing that gives you peace of comfort and control. Without that, he knows that it feels like you’ve been subjected to wanting to pull your hair out. If you can’t do the things that make you happy and feel good, how are you supposed to cope with everything? 

He can remember what it felt like to work himself so hard that he’d slump over at his desk and jolt awake sometime later with the realization that he needs to get back to work before it’s too late. That was a cycle, and it wasn’t a healthy one in the slightest. You’d looked him in the eyes and told him that he deserved better than what he was doing to himself. 

It took a while for Saeran to get the hint. He sincerely wanted to work on himself but it was only when you really showed him what it felt like to love someone else that he knew that his work toiled was for nothing that was going to make him this happier person. The false paradise wasn’t what made him happy. You were what made him happy. 

So, in turn, he wanted to make you the happiest person that he’d ever known in his life. He just never thought that he would have to do for him what you’ve done for him ever. 

It turned out that you two had more in common than he had realized and for that, he wished that he’d gripped your hand harder and looked behind the smile and how your eyes didn’t meet it. Saeran should have known, he told himself, he’d known better than this because it was what he did to himself. This was what he was... good at, even if it wasn’t a good thing. 

His stomach was in his throat when he found you slumped over against your desk. At first, he thought you’d fallen asleep after a late night, but given the sound of a loud thunk instead of a gentle nudge, he knew that something wasn’t right. 

He’d followed the sound of that noise and found you like that, a bruise sure to form against your cheek from the impact. 

He tried to wake you, but your breathing was shallow, and warned him that this wasn’t just falling asleep. The expression on his face was terrified but he knew that freaking out and panicking wasn’t going to help him. He had to run this one of those mental checklists. He knew what he was supposed to do when he fell over from exhaustion. 

So, he did just that. 

Saeran helped you get back to where you could lay down in a more comfortable position as quickly as he could, and made sure that you were breathing as you should have been. He would wait a few minutes to see if you would awake from your stupor before he called one of the others for help. He would spring awake in a few minutes when it happened to him.

Those few seconds were agonizing to wait, and when you nearly jumped awake, he had to hold you back before you hurt yourself. Your dazed eyes stared at him for a moment before you put two and two together. That look of worry in his eyes had made you feel guilty, but you knew that he understood what it felt like to be working yourself into the ground.

Studying... it was important, but you’d clearly gone overboard. Saeran didn’t scold you for this, but he did insist that you weren’t going to get out of that bed for a little bit. The water he gave you was refreshing because you’d forgotten to grab something before you started working. 

“Y/N,” he gently murmured. His fingers were intertwined with yours even though yours felt clammy and uneasy. Everything felt like it was going to stop working in that very second. You just didn’t have the energy to move around. It all ached like a wildfire. 

You could feel your eyes welling up with tears already. “I’m sorry, Saeran,” you managed. it was the most that you could offer to him. You didn’t mean to get to this point, nor had you meant to worry him. God, what would he have felt when he saw you like this? 

His lips pressed against the back of your hand. He shook his head, “It’s okay. I’m sorry that you felt like you had to do this on your own. I should have realized that you needed my help long ago. Don’t... don’t blame yourself. I remember... what it felt like to do that.” 

“That’s why I shouldn’t have...” your voice broke off. 

God, was the room spinning, or were you? 

“It’s okay,” he repeated himself, this time his voice much more stern. That was the tone you’d used with Ray. it was gentle, but it made no mistake in saying that there was no reason to protest. “I don’t know why you felt like you had to do all of it on your own, but I’m not angry. I’m upset that you didn’t ask for help but I’m not angry.” 

“You just have a lot on your plate right now... it felt like my studies were a little silly to bring up,” you admitted. In retrospect, you felt like you were belittling your own problems against his. You knew that it wasn’t a contest and that pain was not something to be used in a turn system. You just had a hard time talking to others about it. 

Even before you’d known Saeran... it had never been easy to ask for help from others. 

“Your problems aren’t silly, and they’re not a hassle. You’re the one that told me that my problems were just as important as yours, as anyone else’s problems. It isn’t a turn-based system. Life isn’t a game, Y/N. We can work together to get through these problems, remember? I want to be your partner... that supports you as you support me.” 

That smile of his would have left you winded had you had the strength to get up again. You squeezed his hand in return, knowing that the tears were going to start piling up again. “I’ll try, Saeran. I’ll... try.” 

“For right now, let’s make sure you get some rest. We can work out the details for your studies in a little bit, okay? Nothing is more important than your health to me and it should be the same for you. I’m sure we can make things reasonably less hard on you together this time,” he said, gently. 

Those mint eyes of his were still worried. 

But, you knew that he would help you. He would spend the rest of the evening making sure that you felt like you were special and the center of the universe, it was about him reminding you that you mattered to him. He spent an awfully long time making sure that you rested before he made dinner and helped you through the arduous process of taking a shower. 

Every second, he was making sure that you were okay, and that you could handle it. His reassurance and faith in you were like nothing else, and you loved him deeply and madly or it. 

You knew it. 

He knew it. 

Saeran made sure that you studied, but he took the time to show you when to take breaks and relax. You wondered where he learned that, but he chuckled and said that he learned it from you. He had always been paying attention from the start and now he was glad to support you and be there for you as you had always been there for him.

He knew that you would do well... but, your health was just as important as your grades. You knew with his help, it would be okay. 

[angelswithcigarettes]

[If you know me - you don’t.]

“Becoming one”

Summary: Spencer sleeps with both Hotch and Morgan, both of them are aware that he does with the other too.

This is the first time they have a threesome.

Warnings: Sexual Content

Relevant Tags: Light Sub/Dom

Word Count: 3077

Ao3:

[This is the first time I have ever written something like this - my insecurity is kicking in ]

First Chapter:

Giving up control this is what this is about,at least that is what the profiler inside of him thinks. Giving yourself in someone else's hands, not thinking,just doing what you are told.

The first person who ever makes Spencer feel like he isn't in control but not spiraling was Hotch. Hotch who had taken him in his motel bad, gently thrusting into him, while Spencer whines underneath him.

He had never felt something similar, the handjob he got ones from a women five years ago was something totally different than what Hotch was doing. Hitting the spot that makes a shutter spread throughout his body, mumbering sweet words into his ear. His arms next to his head, protecting him from everything bad in the world.

They didn't stop after that, whenever Hotch gets frustrated with Haley,whenever something goes wrong on the job he will come to him, pressing him into the mattress of his wide bed, his bedroom dark, it had always been at night.

The first time with Morgan was different, Morgan had been ruthless at first but the times after that had been gentle. Oh he hadn't known someone could be this gentle and loving with him. Spencer could cry at the warm feeling inside of him that spreads by Morgan's actions. By Morgan's words. It isn't all about sexuality with Morgan as it is with Hotch.

He had told Morgan from the start. The second time he recognised what was about to happen he had stopped him and Morgan could see the fear in his eyes, and stopped immediately, sitting down on the bed and pulling Spencer's legs on top of his now laying next to his waist as he carefully runs his hands up and down while Spencer stumbles over his words. "I am sleeping with Hotch."

"Excuse me?" Morgan had stopped moving his hands.

"I said I have been sleeping with Hotch over the last months."

"But you aren't-"

"No! No- No I wouldn't do that he just- he just likes to- likes to- you know- be a little bit harsher sometimes." Morgan had a hard time not to chuckle at Spencer's innocent way of telling him how Hotch fucks him senseless.

"And you okay with that?"

"Very!"

"And you are okay with sleeping with me too?"

"Yes. Hotch wouldn't mind."

"Alright, then I don't see any reason why we shouldn't do this."

Hotch had been a little bit more unpleasant about it. "How long?"

"Only three times over the last two weeks."

"And you are only telling me now?"

"I am sorry- I- I- I didn't think you would mind." Uncertain if he fucked up, Spencer had looked down on lap playing with his hands until Hotch lifted his face by his chin and then had started kissing his neck. He would never kiss him on the mouth. Spencer assumes it is because of Haley. He hopes he never has to look her into the eyes. But he could feel the possessive touch the sex had after he had told him,how he marked him up, leaving hickeys like a horney teenage boy at his collarbone and bite marks on his tight.

The two man never spoke to each other about it. It had been four months of both of them sleeping with Spencer but never bought it up in a conversation but their actions tell each other the unspoken fight they have over who has the upper hand when it comes to Spencer.

It was a wonder no one on the team had noticed yet.

Morgan would tease Hotch by subtitle touching Spencer whenever he can, it doesn't draw anyones attention,they are close friends and the touches are innocent. Sometimes firmer like moving Spencer to the side with both hands on his hips or putting an arm around him while they look at a file.

Hotch doesn't have the luxury, if he would suddenly start touching Spencer,it would cause suspicion and was also unprofessional.

What both of them see is how Spencer melts in their attention. How he leans into the touch and how he crumbles under Hotch's firm hand.

The first time they talk about Spencer is when he doesn't show up for work, eventhough they both excuse it with their relationship just being sex, their both have a close relationship to him, and care deeply for him.

"Have you seen Spence he was supposed to be here? Has he called in sick?"

"No,he hasn't called. I will check in on him,close the door." Morgan steps into Hotch's office closing the door behind him. They always had the tendency to edge on. To easily break out into a fight but that doesn't stop either one of them from trusting the other when it comes to the job. When it comes to working as a team. And in the end, no matter how much teasing there is,Spencer is, in both of their eyes,the one that is suppose to be the one being happy. "Mailbox. I will try again later it's still early maybe he over slept."

"Alright, tell me if he calls?"

"Of course." Morgan was just about to leave when Hotch asks him to stay back.

"We don't have to talk about it-"

"We do. We should have a long time ago."

"You want to do that here?" Sceptical Morgan looks around the room.

"If you are comfortable with that."

"I am." Morgan sits down in the chair in front of Hotch's desk.

"I think we should be more open to each other about this. I think we should talk about thinks."

"Not above his head. With him."

"Of course." As if they summoned him the door opens and Spencer freezes in his place.

"I am sorry sir I didn't knock. Just wanted to let you know, that I am sorry for being late."

"Apology accepted why don't you come in and close the door behind you?"

"Sir?"

"That's an order." Morgan watches Spencer submit to the request and then sits down in the chair next to Morgan's. "We were just talking about you."

"Why? Did I do something wrong?" Wounded Spencer looks at Hotch and then at Morgan his eyes alerted at the possibility of them ending things.

"No,god no." Morgan suppresses the urge to physically comfort him. Since they started this, whenever Spencer even looks the slightest bit upset he wants to hold him, to kiss him,to protect him.

"We- or at least I thought that it would be nice to have things more communicated between the three of us." Hotch explains leaning forward on his desk and folding his hands.

"What is there to communicate?"

"Nothing you don't want." Morgan gives in to his urges and gently strokes the hair out of Spencer's face. "But I think Hotch means trying thinks with the three of us? And in generally me and Hotch talking more instead of just ignoring the fact that both of us sleep with you."

"The three of us?"

"Only if you want." Hotch assures him. "Nothing will happen that you don't want you know that."

Second chapter:

The first thing that gets changed is the fact that he and Morgan don't have a safeword. Hotch nearly rips Morgan's head off when he finds out but Morgan and Spencer just didn't to stuff before were he thought that was required but they decided on a safeword and the colour system just like Hotch and him use it.

And Morgan takes it seriously, when he learns that it makes Spencer feel a lot safer. "You good?"

"Yes?"

"Colour?"

"Green." Green means he is okay and that they can continue. Yellow means to slow down and maybe move on to something different and red means stop. He starts moving inside of him, making him moan ones.

"Don't be quiet."

The second thing that gets changed is that the other knows when Spencer is with one of them.

But the third thing, and that makes Spencer the most nervous is trying things with all three of them.

While Hotch would just ring at the door and then quickly move things into the bedroom, Morgan normally takes his time with him first, making sure he isn't interrupting Spencer with anything, spending time with him that isn't just sex and they had talked about it and Spencer after a lot of nudging from both of them gave in and shyly said how he wanted it to go down and that he would be more comfortable spending time together first and Hotch, against Spencer's believes doesn't mind at all.

They go to a football game. It wasn't anything that both of them had expected but Spencer had asked for something that completely rules out the possibility that they start things early and it pained both of them to see how self consciousness Spencer was about voicing his needs.

Hotch is having the most guilt when he leaves Spencer's apartment late at night, Spencer bruised up in his bed, fast asleep.

Morgan's guilt hits the most over the day when he sees Spencer failing miserably at tasks, doing things like a child would do them, he sometimes thinks he takes his innocence away.

Spencer is sitting in Morgan's lap, being erger about understanding the game while Hotch isn't sure if it isn't just a facade to cover up his anxious mind about what will happen later. Morgan has one arm wrapped around him, holding him in place.

"Spencer breathe." Hotch reminds him in his ramble and Spencer looks at him and for a moment he can see the how frighten he us and he knows Morgan had seen it too.

They don't try it that evening the moment when they come home instead when they arrive at the apartment they sit down at the table in the kitchen and Spencer tells them how he is afraid because Morgan and Hotch are as different as people in bed can be.

"Why does that scare you?"

"I don't want one of you to- to feel left out."

"That is what scares you this much?" Hotch asks his face softening even more.

"I don't want to have to chose."

"You won't have to."

"You promise?"

"Yeah." Hesitant Hotch puts his hand above Spencer's. "Is there something else?"

"No."

"Are absolutely sure?" Morgan questions, he has the feeling Spencer isn't telling them everything that is on his mind and Hotch had too but Spencer assures them he will be fine.

Third chapter:

Spencer and Morgan are the first ones to be naked. Morgan sitting against the headboard and Spencer between his legs while Hotch still strips in front of them, Morgan's hand moving up and down Spencer's inner thigh calming him down while he slowly gets hard and then he giggles ones, at Hotch stumbling over something on the floor and Morgan didn't think he would ever see the day his boss makes himself look redicules just so Spencer relaxes.

He moves onto the bed, pressing a kiss to Spencer's lips, shocking the younger Agent and then starting to move down his neck while Morgan's hands with ever stroke up and down moves closer to his crotch until the first time a finger touches his length and he whimpers ones in Hotch's mouth who moves his knees up nudging Spencer's cock ones and then moving it back again but pressing him more into Morgan's chest and Spencer can feel Morgan's erection against his back and a little moan escapes Morgan's lips as he feels the man pressing against it. And for a moment it was just that, Hotch kissing him, while he tries to find out what makes Morgan feel good in the moment and then he remembers how he can't also help Hotch and he starts spiraling again. The thing that this should help him with acts up and he moves his hands up to Hotch's chest to push him off, gaining space but the man doesn't react and his heart is pounding, skipping a beat and then luckily Morgan catches Spencer's distress. "Hotch stop." He does, moving back from Spencer and Morgan pulls his leg away from him closing them so Spencer isn't feeling his erection anymore and Spencer sobs ones. Trying to catch a breath and Hotch leans forward pulling him into a hug.

"It's okay, you are okay."

"I don't want it anymore."

"That's okay,you are okay,no one is mad at you." He pulls Spencer in his lap, and Morgan takes a blanket wrapping it around Spencer before he leans down against Hotch's chest, calming down slowly while Morgan gets dressed. "You did nothing wrong, it's okay." Hotch presses a kiss to Spencer's forehead. "Its okay."

Since Hotch is the one he clinches too,he is the one staying the night,making sure Spencer is okay and he can see the relive on Morgan's face when Spencer walks into the bullpen next morning.

Fourth chapter:

It takes two months for them to try again. "Breath baby boy." Morgan tells him pulling him closer to his chest, this time Morgan is still wearing sweatpants, as he hold him. "It's alright, we will stop anytime and we will tell you what to do." Erger and afraid at the same time he nods, biting down on his lip and Morgan presses a kiss to his cheek and Hotch moves in again, kissing him on the mouth but quickly going down on him, placing kisses all over his tight while Morgan kisses his neck and cheek, until Spencer squirmes between his leg and both man stop. "Colour?"

"Green." He presses Morgan's hand ones and then brings out:"Feels good. It feels nice." And Morgan can see the bulb in Spencer's underwear that was the only thing keeping him from being completely naked. "Please keep going?" He more asks then tells Hotch and the man laughs ones, kissing him again and then moves down again.

"Can I?" Passionate but agitated Hotch looks up to Spencer, his hand at the waistband of his underwear.

"Yes." Ones the underwear was gone Morgan moves his hand down, stocking the length and Hotch moves from the bed getting rid of his clothes and then moves back into his positions starting to kiss his inner tights again till his mouth meets Spencer's hard penis and he first only takes the head in his mouth. Playing with his tongue while Spencer grabs Morgan's hand harder turning his head and buring it in his neck,panting when Hotch stops asking for his colour. "Green."

"You promise?"

"Yes- yes keep going." Hotch does eventhough normally he is the one commenting him around. And Spencer feels Morgan's free hand guiding down his ass cheeks until one finger strokes his hole and he flinches, his knee jerking up almost hitting Hotch in the face.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay. You are doing good." Morgan promises him, not taking his hand away but leaning down to the mean clinching to his arm, having his face pressed against Morgan's shoulder. "Breath in and out what is wrong?"

"I don't know." Gently Hotch opens his legs again, pressing his knees down into the mattress and starts again while Morgan gets him used to his hand before he puts one finger in and Hotch is still going down on him and he doesn't know if he can hold much longer. "I am gonna cum."

"That's okay."

"No."

"It is, cum for us." Morgan tells him moving his finger up and down knowing that this is still all Hotch's work.

"Aaron-" Spencer's hand moves up to Hotch's hair. "I am gonna- Please-" Morgan uses the moment and adds a second finger and when he comes, with a loud moan and Hotch moves back he flips him over, still panting from the orgasm and Morgan moves his fingers up and down his hole while Hotch starts jerking himself off, both of the other man painfully hard but wanting to make sure Spencer gets the most pleasure out of this. "Colour?"

"Yellow." Morgan slows down a little bit giving Spencer time to get used to the two fingers and then eventually moves them. Opening them causing Spencer to moan and then he moves in a third and finding Spencer's sweet spot making him jerk but Morgan presses him down again.

"You think you can take Hotch already?" Hotch makes a mental note to remind Morgan to not call him that in bed.

"Please." Morgan leans down pressing a kiss to Spencer's cheek and hits the spot a few more times before pulling out and moving away from him, getting out of his clothes while both men make Spencer wait, who is moving against the sheets wanting to please the erection that is forming again but Hotch stops him and when Morgan was back on the bed, he pulls Spencer up by his hip. "Please Aaron. Please- Please ." To Spencer's surprise the moment Hotch's top meets his hole Morgan grabs his cock, stocking up and down and Hotch pushes in carefully,making Spencer whimper.

"It's okay, breath." He let's him catch his breath and Morgan slowly starts moving his hand up and down again while Hotch gives him more time. "You okay?"

"To much." Morgan stops and moves between Spencer and the headboard starting to kiss him while Hotch starts to move and then guides Spencer head down to his own penis and Spencer gets adjusted and starts sucking him off, moaning around his length whenever Hotch hits his postage and eventually gags when he hits harder and they slow down for a moment making sure he is okay and then Hotch continues and Morgan comes first and Spencer swallows most of it looking up to him with cum dripping down from his chin shortly before he cums himself and then places his head on Morgan's tight while Hotch continues thrusting into him till he comes inside of him.

"Come here." Morgan pulls Spencer up kissing him on the mouth, pulling him closer into his lap and Hotch stands up, walking into the bathroom were he let's a bath running to place Spencer in who tiredly lets Morgan wash him while Hotch holds his head.

"Don't fall asleep." With foam on his hands he wipes hair out of his face, making him look up to him with big and slightly red glassy eyes and gets why Morgan finds so much comfort in taking care of him.

[fullmarvelheart]

Wakanda

Pairing: Avengers x Enhanced!OFC

Word Count: 3,000

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of violence, mentions of past trama

A/N: Welcome to Chapter 5 of Blue Starlight. I hope you all enjoy the story as well as the way I wrote the characters! The gif is not my own. All rights to the original creator. I hope you guys enjoy!

Series Masterlist

The plane lands and I'm almost blinded by the bright sunlight that reflects in off the tarmac as the ramp is lowered down.

Waiting for us is whom I'm assuming is the King, based on what Cap briefed us over, along with his personal guards. When Cap told us about the Dora Milaje, to say I was impressed is a gross understatement. I knew they were the fiercest warriors in Wakanda but seeing them up close, they're almost as intimidating as Natasha is. Even the Kingsguard looks exceptionally deadly.

"Should we bow?" Banner asks Rhodey as they exit the jet before me.

"Yeah, he's a king." Rhodey responds in an almost serious tone. Which apparently Banner doesn't catch onto.

As the Captain greets King T'Challa, Banner clears his throat and starts to bow.

"What are you doing?" Rhodey questions loudly enough to catch the King's attention.

"Uh, we- we don't do that here." The King says, somewhat awkwardly.

I chuckle to myself as the group begins to walk.

"So how big of an assault should we expect?" I go to answer the king but am cut off.

"Uh sir-sir, I think you should expect quite a big assault." Banner says pushing his way to the front while I roll my eyes.

Shut up. You don't even have the slightest idea.

"Thanos will most likely send one of his support ships, like the one that was in New York not too long ago. He calls them Q-Ships. He won't send his full army here, just what is deemed to be enough to overwhelm the forces on Earth, so the stone can be retrieved." I explain loudly but lower my voice as I get closer to the King, who looks at me curiously.

"How are we looking?" Natasha asks softly, diverting attention away from me, thankfully.

"You will have my Kingsguard, the Border Tribe, the Dora Milaje, and..."

"A semi-stable 100-year-old man." A new voice says walking up to us.

I take in a sharp breath and freeze. The Winter Soldier. Please don't let him still be with HYDRA! That's not something else I want to deal with today. But, he's smiling and doesn't look anything like the last time I saw him. He's not glaring at anything and he has plenty of emotions that I notice, just with one glance. He outwardly looks happy, healthy, but I can see pain and guilt still present in his steel blue eyes.

I can see it because I recognize it in myself.

As both Cap and him share a friendly embrace, I see Sam move into my periphery, though I don't acknowledge him.

"Are you alright?" He asks in a whisper.

I blink out of my frozen state and give him a tight smile and nod. As I'm turning back around, I see Natasha give me a curious look before turning back towards the Captain.

"How you been Buck?"

"Uh, not bad, for the end of the world." He says solemnly, yet with a small smile

I swear, this is the most I've ever heard him speak in one go. His voice isn't raspy from misuse anymore either. Maybe he's-

As if he can feel my eyes burning holes into the side of his head, he turns to face me. His eyes widen in recognition as his face changes from shock, to confusion, to anger, to regret, and then suspicion, all within a second.

"It's good to see you again, Blue." He says skeptically.

"You too, Soldier." I say in the same tone, brushing my fingertips over the hilt of a dagger on my thigh.

He glances down, catching my movements which freeze immediately.

"You remember...?" I ask softly, not knowing if I need the confirmation for his sake,... or mine.

"I remember everything." His piercing gaze moves back to me, his features stiff and cautious, waiting for me to make a move.

"Blue?" Natasha inquires, trying to lessen the tension.

"My ability..." My explanation comes out more timid than I would like as I move my hand away from the blade and give her a shrug.

Come on! Surely he's not more terrifying than Thanos! At least this one I know I can stop.

"There won't be any problems, right?" Cap asks seriously, after clearing his throat.

The Winter Soldier, or Buck I guess, says no. I can only shake my head.

"Good. Coms on and Rhodey, suit up. Saddie, I want you out here while we go in with Vision, incase anything happens." I nod in understanding as he, Natasha, and Dr. Banner follow the King and his men inside where Wanda and Vision had disappeared earlier.

I watch them trek inside while a knot forms in my stomach.

"You're nervous."

"Huh?" I turn to find Buck staring at me curiously.

"You used to make that face whenever the men were in the room. Whenever he was in the room." He explains.

I sigh and wrap my arms around my stomach while letting my head hang over.

"Can you blame me? This whole situation is something I was hoping to avoid. Plus, I wasn't exactly expecting to see you and when I did... I didn't know what would happen, or what to expect." I keep my gaze fixated on the pavement below me as I hear him take in a deep breath. Though, I know he was thinking the same thing as I was. "But I'm terrified. Like I was then." I admit with a whisper, looking up at him.

He hums, walking closer to me.

"What should I call you?" I ask suddenly causing him to snap his eyes to mine and stop.

He hesitates looking at the ground before back at me.

"Bucky please, Saddie." He says teasingly.

I roll my eyes but crack a small smile. So Buck is a nickname then. Didn't know he knew the Captain that way...

"Your arm is different." I note as I look at the black metal appendage edged with gold markings. Much different from the previous silver one with the infamous red star.

He hums thoughtfully, looking down at it with a small nervous smile.

"I like it, it suits you." I tell him sincerely as I turn away from him, not waiting for his reaction.

I walk over to Sam and begin to talk to him while Bucky joins us with a rifle one of the Kingsguard gave to him. Rhodey appears in his armor and things begin to click in my head as I remember Sam and Rhodey's hero names. Falcon and War Machine. Definitely not who I'd expect to be next to at a time like this.

At one point, I decide to sit crisscross on the tarmac with my fingertips pressed into the pavement and my eyes closed. It's almost like I'm in a meditative state. I feel the energy running through this city, running under it. There's an endless supply far below me, that I manage to tap into.

It's immensely powerful!

"What ya doing there, Saddie?" Sam calls out. I realize there's probably blue wisps circling around my hands or even arms.

"Recharging and resting." I say, distantly.

"Meditating." Bucky answers at the same time, causing me to huff and send him, where I think he is, a playful glare.

"Are you already tired, kid?" Rhodey jabs humorously through the ear piece.

"I'm a creature that relies on energy for power. If my stored supply runs out and I can't tap into a source fast enough, I have to rely on the power my body holds. Meaning, I'd lose consciousness soon after I'd start pulling from my own life-force. Thanos has an army coming for Earth, and I want as much power as I can hold." I tell them, still in my meditative state. "Plus, relaxing like this allows me to extend my powers beyond Earth."

"Creature?" Sam mumbles in question to himself.

"What does that mean?" Bucky asks curiously in reference to my abilities while talking over Sam. He still doesn't know the full extent.

"It means that I can sense when they arrive." I tell them, ignoring Sam's notice of my slip. Though, with that and what I said in the aircraft, he should be piecing it together soon, if he allows his mind to focus on it.

They don't ask anymore questions after that, and leave me to myself. After what feels like several minutes later, I feel a very strong hum of power moving towards Earth, and quickly. I call my power back to me and absorb as much of the energy as I can from below me, I can see the bright blue growing brighter from behind my eyelids.

"Saddie?" Bucky sounds worried.

My eyes shoot open as I jump to my feet, looking towards the sky.

"Saddie!" Sam calls, trying to get my attention.

"They're here." I say fearfully, not moving my eyes.

I summon an energy ball as I see one of their ships quickly descending straight for us.

"Hey, Cap, we got a situation here." Sam says while looking to where I am.

That wasn't enough time to get the stone out safely!

I prepare to launch the ball in my hands when the dropship pings off the shield, exploding instantly. The force of the strike is absorbed back into the shield.

"God, I love this place." Bucky says in stark amusement while I reabsorb the power in my hand.

"Yeah, don't start celebrating yet, guys. We got more incoming outside the dome." Rhodey warns as the rest fall fast, impacting the Earth.

I feel the vibrations from the impact rattling though my bones and my breathing becomes harsher. The shockwaves bounce off the dome, making me feel only the tiniest bit safer.

"Is this what you were expecting?" Sam asks, looking at me.

I nod slowly with wide and fearful eyes, unable to speak. Though, how do you speak when one of your worst nightmares is occurring before your very eyes and is becoming reality?

Alarms blare through the city and the dread I have been feeling for some time now, grows in the pit of my stomach to the point it becomes nauseating. Unfortunately for me, I joined this fight, so I can't back out now. I swallow back whatever fear I can and focus on the chaos around me.

After several minutes, the Captain, Natasha, Dr. Banner, King T'Challa, and his warriors come running out of where they led Vision and Wanda. Dr. Banner goes straight to where a big red and gold suit had been laid out as warriors rush out to the tarmac.

"You two," Nat gestures to me and Bucky. "Come with me."

We chase after her into a transport ship that is filling up with other warriors of the Kingsguard. I see Cap and T'Challa board theirs with half of the Dora Milaje. When we get in, Natasha stands up front with Bucky right behind her, and me on his right, like it used to be. As much as I hate the memories, the familiarity of a fight and his presence is comforting.

Sam and Rhodey take off and fly above us as we all head towards the front line while we begin to merge with other ships on the way.

"How we looking, Bruce?" Natasha asks through the coms.

"Yeah, I think I'm getting the hang of it." I hear what sounds like rockets through my ear piece and cringe at the loudness "Wow! This is amazing man. It's like being the Hulk without actually..." His loud enthusiastic voice is cut short as I hear him fall.

I try to stop myself from giggling at him but can't help but slightly laugh out loud when I hear Bucky's chuckles beside me.

"I'm ok, I'm ok." I hear, but before I smile again, I actually notice just how many of the dropships there are... and just how big they look from here. I've never seen them in person, just heard stories.

My stomach lurches at the sight. There will be so many. Can we even win this?

"I've got two heat signatures breaking through the tree line." Rhodey calls out.

I move forward slightly, in hopes of recognizing which two of the puppets Thanos sent here. Bucky gently grabs my arm, snapping me out of my head, and gives me a questioning look. I move back to his side but keep my eyes set on the edge of the dome in front of me, not looking at Bucky. I'm not sure if I'd be able to hide my fear if I do. Rhodey and Sam do a fly over as they begin to circle back around.

The Captain, King T'Challa, and the Dora Milaje pile out of a transport. My transport group follows and Natasha, Bucky, and I merge with them. One of the legions begins to chant as we move forward. Though I can't distinguish the words over the sound of my blood pumping in my ears. Natasha comes up next to me and gives me a small assuring smile. I try my best to do the same, though I'm sure it's more of a grimace. We form a line and I finally spot the two of the Black Order that Thanos sent. I scowl and clench my fists at the sight and memory of those two.

"Do you think there's any chance of surrender?" Natasha muses.

"No, it's not the way of the Black Order." I say with a slight growl.

"Well, there's always a chance." Captain says, but it's not reassuring.

He looks at me and motions for me to follow as him, Natasha, and King T'Challa start to walk in the direction of the dome's edge. I swallow the lump in my throat and proceed to fall into line with them.

Cull Obsidian and Proxima Midnight become clearer the closer we move to them, and I try to push back my fear again. While Cull stands several feet tall than the other, with a much broader stance and deadlier appearing body and weapon, it's Proxima I fear the most. This sight of the midnight blue and black hair, brown horns, black and blue war paint, and lifeless grey eyes that make me tremble slightly. Proxima drags her sword along the dome's edge, almost hypnotized by it, watching the power crackle along her blade. She finally stops when we're at the edge, only separated by the dome.

Cull and Proxima snarl once they set their eyes on me and my lip twitches up in annoyance.

"Where's your other friend?" Natasha quips, and I have no idea which other one she's referring to.

"You will pay for his life with yours." Proxima says in the most emotionless tone I've heard her use. Her mechanical voice sends an unpleasant shiver down my spine. "Thanos will have that stone." She moves closer, as to intimidate. But so do I.

"That's not going to happen." Captain says, seemingly unbothered but determined.

"I will make sure of it." I growl.

Proxima directs her gaze to me.

"The traitor... or at least, one of them." She muses, a gleam flashes in those deadly eyes as she smirks at me. "You are nothing without your other half. A child in regards to your abilities. Weak." I know she's trying to get a rise out of me, I know it, but it's working.

Her words stroke the grief and self-doubt I had buried for this fight, making it rear it's ugly head. Before I get the chance to even move, King T'Challa speaks as Natasha moves me back.

"You are in Wakanda now. Thanos will have nothing but dust and blood." I look at the King with wide eyes, knowing he doesn't realize just who the Mad Titan is.

"We have blood to spare." Proxima states before striking her sword up into the air.

I scowl at her, but that falls into a frown when the drop ships begin to whirl and extend. We quickly make our way back to the frontlines.

"Are you ok?" Natasha asks as me move back towards the group.

"No, not really. But I'll be able to fight." I tell her, gathering what courage I can. She gives me a hesitant nod, but says nothing else. "I really hate her." I grumble, which earns me a small chuckle from Nat

I try to clear my mind and focus on my powers on the rest of the way back. I focus on what I feel, where it is, and how I can use that to my advantage, like I was taught. We get back to our forces as Bucky looks on edge but doesn't look away from the ships.

"They surrender?" He asks sardonically, knowing the answer.

"Not exactly." Captain breathes as I move to Natasha's side.

I feel the ship release the army that lurches inside.

"Here we go." I nervously breathe.

Falcon flies along the edge, circling as a scout, but I can already feel the pounding of their sharp and deadly paws vibrating against the ground. As they get closer, the thunderous pounding reaches my ears over the sound of my own heartbeat. I absorb the little bits of kinetic energy from them as they run. I feel Natasha's stare on my loose fingers which begin to glow a slight blue.

King T'Challa begins a battle chant as I feel the army slow at the edge of the tree line. Proxima strikes her sword down, letting it fall out of the air, and the army begins their charge forwards. There's more of them, more than I imagined. And they spill out of the tree line like a tidal wave of death, charging towards the dome.