#the most Art related thing I did in art school was probably the mandatory life drawing sessions which I started doing in highschool | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

aquamotto · 4 years

Text

Polish School of Magic or what Rowling gets wrong about Poland

In short: many things.

The only mentions of polish wizards come from two instances - some Quidditch team (Grodzisk Goblins) and Hagrid’s visit to Europe (with some goblin mention, again).

Why goblins, anyway? There is no such creature in real polish mythology. Instead, there are much more Harry Potter-esque things such as: Beast of Krakow, Dragon of the Wawel Hill who is the most famous and ferocious creature in all Eastern Europe. The majestic power of this beast can only be matched with majestic power of its city of dwelling - Krakow, to put it simply, is the city of Polish kings.

Below: Krakow, the city of “goblins”, according to JKR:

But let me guess - goblin invokes this image of rudeness and primitivity that probably comes from british understanding of poles as construction workers and such. It is curious that nuanced portrayal of poor people that is reserved for characters like Snape is not allowed to poles. They are “goblins” but Snape is a “working class hero”.

What I will describe below, is my headcanon based on what I imagine Wizarding Poland to really be like, sans goblins and other imperialist fantasies but based on my own observation of Poland as both pole and outsider (because, unfortunately, I am both).

Personality, culture

Quidditch champion image as rude and loud lads couldn’t be farther from the truth. Polish wizards, much like their friends in neighboring Czech Republic, are wise, eccentric, philosophical and brave people. They have been blessed and cursed with difficult history (Such as Partition of Poland and German and Soviet Invasion) and know very well how to operate in secrecy. In fact, they are the most secretive of all european wizards and if muggle were to accuse them of witchcraft, they would deny the fact to their last breath. In the same time, polish wizards love magic and often risk everything to pursue their next magical experiment. They are prone to be idealistic and live with their head in the clouds, sometimes literally, which can lead to both troubles and brilliant inventions.

Some believe that Nicolaus Copernicus, the genius astronomer who placed the Sun at the center of the Universe, was a polish wizard (painting by polish artist Jan Matejko):

This image of genius, sudden discoveries and epiphanies is valued in Poland to the point that students of Polish School of Magic wear stars indicating their year on their uniforms - to honor Copernicus.

However, poles aren’t Ravenclaws in disguise - they are traditional, obedient and lawful people at the core and no polish wizard, even the smallest first year, would dare to cheek their headmaster or teacher the way Harry and co. do.

Teacher - student relationship is sacred in Poland and it’s almost like your second parent - someone to be treated with utmost respect. This can lead to quite harsh hierarchies in Wizarding Poland.

Looks

Polish wizards dress modestly, colorful suits Weasley Twins style are not for them. They can sometimes even look monk-like (or medieval knight-like) in appearance. Since Poland is filled with minor aristocracy called szlachta (and I am proud to belong to it, too*) many polish wizards openly wear their coat of arms on their clothes. (*If you are wondering whether I have a coat of arms - yes, I do).

Polish School of Magic uses dark red monk-like hoods with more normal suit under as an unifroms. Since they want to be the guardians of well respected traditions, it fits them.

This doesn’t mean that poles are somber, though. They can be playful but in their distinct, “I challenge you” way. They can be competitive and fiery to the highest degree, especially when their honor or honor of their school is involved. They are indeed the most patriotic of all wizards, thinking of themselves as separated not only from muggles but from foreigners too.

Relationship with muggles

Polish wizards do not like muggles very much but unlike Britain, it rarely comes in a form of hostility but rather patronizing and light mockery. Rather than valuing pure blood,poles just think of themselves as superior to muggles in intelligence.They are especially suspicious of muggle disrespect of culture and the past which leads to wizards thinking that muggles are morally and spiritually, rather than genetically, impure. However, there was never an attempt to deny muggleborns education - in fact, they are welcomed with open arms and often even relief - “Finally, another one of us!”. This makes them a bit closer to Grindelwald’s idea of superiority than Voldemort’s one.

Music

Anyone knows Chopin, the great french-polish composer and indeed, poles adore music. To the point that Polish School of Magic considers participation in a school choir mandatory. But highest praise is reserved for those who dare and pick up an instrument (be it violin, cello, horn, piano or something else) to join the School Orchestra. If Triwizard Tournament accepted Poland, they would arrive in most curious way possible - operating the giant musical machine which would look like a church organ mixed with piano and other instruments. The headmaster would play it and the students (dressed in cloaks) would accompany him with some strange melody to make the grandest entrance ever.

Polish School of Magic

Pictured below: Frombork

Thanks to Copernicus, magical astronomy and astrology are best subjects to learn in Polish School of Magic. Unlike their colleagues in Prague who are obsessed with alchemy, potions and dark arts, poles are more interested in the spiritual so they also value divination in any forms and defense against the dark arts. Since living in a country as difficult as Poland forces you to always be on your toes, teachers consider it important to teach their students nonverbal magic as soon as possible. They also encourage wandless magic and actually had a lot of luck with it (unlike other european schools). Thanks to a certain WW2 incident, they also offer a superior course of arithmancy (If you know what I am hinting at, well done!)

Pictured: Frombork Cathedral Bell Tower

Since poles are not very practical people, they don’t teach their students about Magical Creatures at all (aside from a side course on dangerous creatures such as dragons in DADA). This just doesn’t fit their heady aesthetics. Being honest and reliable people, they also dislike transfiguration - something about turning things into animals and other things strikes them as unnecessary cruel and even devilish. Being pious at the core, poles want magic to always come from the source of respect and light. That’s why almost all students leave the school with full patronuses - most common of which is a white eagle, of course - the symbol of Poland. Poles are often so patriotic that even their best memories are linked to their national identity!

Poles are also good at charms and make superb magical duellists. In fact, not many nations can best them in this regard, if any. It is thanks to their wandless magic, wordless spells, quickness of reaction and harsh discipline (almost military-like) instilled in them in their school.

Talking about discipline... Polish School of Magic’s discipline is indeed very strict. The school grounds are usually quiet, students know best not to laugh too loud, not to pull pranks or fool around needlessly. Spontanous duels are forbidden. Teachers love their work and always keep an eye on misbehaving individuals. Lazy, incompetent or misanthopic teachers don’t exist in Polish School of Magic. Instead they can be overly strict, demanding, mocking, conservative and overly eccentric. (This one is based on real life experience, everyone.)

Below: Ksiaz castle

Teachers in Polish School of Magic lean old and getting a place there is very difficult and demands tons of connections. They also lean male but not just because of prejudice (although, unfortunately, such prejudice exists - Poland is a country of soldiers in many ways), because DADA course there is especially harsh and physically exhausting. (Some say it’s because they want to best Durmstrang and it comes with knowing your enemy).

Despite the notes of traditionalist gender roles, female teachers are usually well-respected, even more than male ones. And that’s why many female teachers are quite haughty and have queen-like demeanor.

Below: Ksiaz castle room

But when do poles rest from all their strict training? The answer: when holidays come. Holidays are sacred for poles and many missteps are forgiven during them, rules become slightly more relaxed.

One of the curiously LESS regulated things in Polish School of Magic is love. While british and american wizards such as Snape may get into a puritanical rage seeing two students kissing passionately, polish teachers would just smile sweetly at them and leave them alone. Girls sending boys postcards is not considered cringeworthy as it is in Hogwarts (I am looking at you, Harry) but natural and enviable. In fact, teachers encourage students to dance together and on holidays such as Christmas, they even overlook duels related to love triangles (a rare case of them approving non-DADA duels). Poles can dance well and you can often find them waltzing in the school balroom in their festive robes. They also flirt well and all this combined with the fact how good they are at duelling, makes them formidable rivals in love for students from any other school, including Beauxbatons, especially considering that Beauxbatons boys lean narcissistic rather than chivalrous.

In the end, if Poland did participate in Triwizard Tournament, I think it would charm everyone with their quick wit, intelligence, modesty, good manners and passionate spirit.

Quite far from the “Goblin” stuff, isn’t it?

Below: various beautiful views from Poland

147 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 4 years

Text

1032

survey by danceamydance

Have you ever witnessed a birth? Never have. I wasn’t present when my mom gave birth to my younger siblings and other than that there’s been no reason for me to be around for the birth of my other younger relatives.

What pattern does the closest tissue box have? I don’t have one in my room, but the one in our bathroom is brown. I think. I never actually checked even though I use it everyday lol.

Where did you lose your virginity, if you have? I truthfully didn’t really keep note of what counts as the first time because we had already been fooling around quite a bit. I’d guess either a hotel room or my room, or maybe hers. The one thing I can remember was that I was 18, so there’s that.

What color car(s) do your parents drive? We have two white cars and one teal. I still don’t know why my dad got a teal car when none of us in the family are into colored cars, but according to him getting the Vitara in white would’ve looked like an FX (a form of public transport here), so I’ve learned to make my peace with the teal car lol.

What are your views on getting rid of the penny? I can’t relate, because we don’t use pennies.

Which Asian country would you most like to visit? Aside from the ones I’ve already gone to, I’d love to take a trip to Thailand, Vietnam, Sri Lanka, and India.

Have you ever had a nosebleed? Nope. I fear the day I get one; I’m scared of blood haha.

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Maybe around 30 minutes without any traffic. A realistic drive to Manila would take me anywhere between 1 to 1.5 hours.

Do you have bangs? Yep, and they’re starting to get pretty long as well so thanks for reminding me that I’ll have to trim them soon. I want to get rid of them already as I’ve had my fun with them, but NO ONE HAS SEEN ME WITH BANGS loooool so they are still staying.

Are you a good driver? I wanna say I’ve been better through the years? Hahaha the consensus is that I drive a little crazy, but my friends still always pick me to drive them whenever we go somewhere because everyone apparently still finds me the safest driver to ride with despite my temper on the road. Having a tiny car, being bullied by bigger pickup trucks and SUV through the years has helped toughen me up.

Have you ever kissed someone underneath the mistletoe? No. My ex and I always celebrated Christmas separately, with our own families, so we never got the chance to do this.

Do you watch the Olympics on the television? No. It’s not really something that interests me.

What was the scariest experience of your life? The time I nearly crashed into a car that I didn’t realize was stopped in the middle of the road while I was going 80 kph, and having like 3 seconds to hit the brakes.

Do you have a Tumblr account? I mean...

Are your nails painted right now? What color? Nope.

Have you ever played truth or dare? Several times, though I always pick truth because I’ve never had a problem saying it. I also hate picking dares because my friends would usually make us do dumb things, like dance, or worse, make out with someone in the circle.

How long is your driveway? Not very.

Are there any tv shows you keep up with religiously? Mmm it used to be The Crown, but I probably won’t be watching it for a while despite the new season because 1) I used to watch it when my past relationship had still been smooth-sailing, so watching it would just remind me of that; and 2) Gabie loves the shit out of Gillian Anderson and she was brought in for season 4 lol.

Right now my focus is on a new Korean drama called Start-Up, which is currently ongoing and is so fucking good. Nam Joo Hyuk is also there, so it’s a sweet bonus for me <3

What is your favorite iPhone app? I’m using YouTube the most these days, so it may as well be my favorite.

Where is your mother right now? She’s at work.

Do you know anybody named Carl? I don’t think so. The only person that came to mind is an uncle named Carlo who I haven’t seen in more than a decade. My dad’s college group used to be super tight-knit and I used to be friends with his friends’ kids, so it’s sad to see them kinda grow apart and notice the others be more reclusive over the years.

Are you more of a night owl or a morning person? Morning person. Ugh, work is changing me as a person haha.

What is your favorite song at the moment? Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House has taken the top spot again. It’s just too goddamn good of a song.

Do you have a weak stomach? Very. I’m awful with car rides, bungee jumping, fair rides, you name it.

Have you ever been to a party where people were drinking underage? Hmm, yes. Kaira’s 18th birthday – it was held in May but most of the people at her party weren’t going to turn 18 until the end of the year, so it was a lot of 16 and 17 year olds drinking. I had just turned 18 then, so I allowed myself to take my first sip of a margarita.

How many stores are in the mall closest to you? Malls here are generally packed compared to what people may have in the US or other countries, so even though our local mall isn’t anything notable, it still holds 200+ stores.

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes, but they’re all outside of family. My mom’s side is very weird about cancer and never share information about family members who may have it and only ever refer to it as ‘the c word,’ so I may have more relatives who have cancer than what is made known to us.

How far away is the closest McDonald’s to you? We have one literally right beside the main entrance of our village but because our house is at the very end of the village, what should be just a couple of steps away is instead a 10-minute drive for me.

Would you ever meet someone in person that you met online? Yeah I’ve done that with a few people in the wrestling circle. Jila I met unexpectedly while we were both in line for the WWE house show in Manila in 2016; Javi I met when I lent him my Chris Jericho memoir; and Rafie was the one who gave me a free ticket to said WWE show. Rafie’s a local celebrity now and he has such a huge following, so as weird as it is I’m also glad I have that little memory with him before he blew up.

What was the last film you watched? That Thing Called Tadhana, but I was unable to finish it. I’m into TV shows these days and I’ve been all over Start-Up.

Does it snow where you live? Never has.

Have you ever been to an art gallery? Of course, I’m a sucker for those. I always go to one whenever I can; there are a lot of malls here that’ll randomly have pop-up art exhibits, so art galleries here actually aren’t limited to just museums.

What are your neighbours like? A lot of them have kids, that much I know because a lot of them play outside in the afternoon and make some noise. We all keep to each other, though, so I don’t know any more about them; the only time we get together is when the neighborhood organizes its own Christmas party for the community.

Do you visit your town’s library often? I would if we have one, but public libraries are not a thing here. If you needed to go to a library to find a book, you would have to go to a university.

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? This just gave me college flashbacks haha. Of course I have, and the most notable people for me are JM, Andrew, and Angela.

What flavor was the last ice cream you ate? It’s a red bean ice cream sandwich that also has a bit of vanilla ice cream in it.

Can you do a cartwheel? No but I definitely tried a thousand times as a kid.

Who is the last person you spoke to on the phone? Can I do video calls instead? I haven’t done phone calls in a while. The last people I was on a call with were Ysa and Bea.

^ What did you talk about? Secret work stuff.

Which website do you spend the most time on? YouTube, Tumblr, Reddit, Twitter.

Have you ever kissed someone of a different race? I haven’t.

What can you smell right now? My coffee chocolate chip cookie.

Do you read fanfiction? If so, what fandoms? I haven’t checked on my favorite authors since college, mostly because they went MIA at some point and moved on to different fandoms as well. But when I did, I mostly read ones for AJ/Punk and HHH/Steph.

What accent is your favorite? Man this question is asked a lot...

How did/will you celebrate your birthday this year? Gab gave me a cute digital present, I think I may have spent the whole day playing the Switch, and Hans and Angela sent over a box of sushi for me.

Are you more introverted or extroverted? I’m both depending on the people I’m with. If I’m with a crowd I don’t know all that much, I turn my volume down.

Do you tend to repeat yourself all the time? Yeah. I got it from my mom, who unconsciously repeats stories all the time.

How was the last chicken you ate cooked? Fried.

Is there anybody you always find yourself thinking about? Yes, but it has gotten easier to manage/ignore altogether these days.

What was your last argument about? Haven’t argued with anyone in a hot minute. It was probably my mom as always, but I no longer remember what it could have been about.

Are/were you part of any extracurricular activities in school? I had clubs in high school since it was mandatory. In college, I was in yearbook and a journalism org.

Do you want to get married someday? I don’t know about that anymore.

What colors are on your country’s national flag? Blue, red, yellow, and white.

Would you go back to your ex if he/she asked you? I’m pretty stupid when it comes to this, so yes.

#survey #surveys

2 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

Text

Survey #285

"do you have the time to listen to me whine about nothing and everything all at once?”

What does your car smell like? You assume I have a car. Would you ever let anybody else drive your car? ^ Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? Yes, Sara. I want to visit her again, but right now I have no clue when that will happen. I have another friend that wants me to shoot her wedding that was planned for this year, but it was delayed to an unknown date, so. What was the last thing you used a blender for? A margarita. Have you ever got into an argument with a stranger on social media? Do you remember what it was about? Yep. There's been a couple. Has COVID had any impact on your Christmas plans this year? What’s going to change or be different to normal? Yes. Mom and I aren't coming while Ashley's inlaws are there at her house, and then I think we're going to my other sister's since she wants to cook? I've only really overheard Mom over the phone, I'm not 100%. I'm just. Going with it. What’s your favourite flavor of cake? Are you any good at making that kind of cake? Probably red velvet, or just double chocolate. I dunno. I love cake. I don't cook, though. Are you currently under any COVID-related restrictions where you live? Are people generally following the rules? Well, you're SUPPOSED to wear a fucking mask, but "it's a hoax" and "you can't make me" fuckheads don't listen, and it's poorly-enforced. You see people without them all the time. Do you still watch cartoons? I'm not opposed, I just don't watch television. Is anyone else in the same room as you right now? What is that person up to? No. Do you use Pinterest? Ha, I get most of my (unedited) avatars from there. It also gives me some pose ideas for photography. Are you wearing earrings? Ugh, no. I absolutely hate how the first holes stretched from heavy earrings. I need to get a proper tapering set if I want to actually use gauges (mind you, very small) so they look even semi-good again. I don't wear any in the second/upper holes because I think it just looks weird with nothing in the first. Do you know any sign language? Not anymore. In elementary school, we did do a play however where in one of the songs, we signed the lyrics. I remember zero. Have you ever gone on a service trip to an underprivileged country? No. Which breed of dog do you find most scary? None. Ever been to a pottery class? Not particularly, no. I've made pottery in normal art classes multiple times, though. When you were young, did you ever pretend to “marry” somebody? I have no idea. I don't have a specific memory. Don’t you just find it annoying when people get too much plastic surgery? Oh, fuck off. Is it your body? Is it there to boost YOUR confidence? Then your opinion doesn't fuckin matter. Are you the type who usually plays it safe? Yep. Who do you think about most? It's certainly not willingly, but Jason. PTSD kinda engraved his presence in my brain. How’s your grandmother? Both are dead. What’s your favourite type of cloud? Big, tall, and poofy cumulonimbus ones. Do you have a birthmark? Where? Does it look like anything? Yeah, a slightly darker brown blotch on the side of my right forearm, near the elbow. If you were blind for the rest of your life… what would you miss seeing the most? Probably people smiling. My nieces' and nephew's came to mind first. What is your most disappointing moment in life? I've been living it for years now. I'm not who I wanted or thought I would be at all. What is the best reward anyone can give you? Validation lmao. What is your favorite animal? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Meerkats, always. God, I can barely boil it down to three words. Loyal, complex, and brave will have to do. What is your favorite color? List three adjectives to explain your choice. Pink. Soft, pretty, gentle. What do you consider to be the most valuable thing you own: when you were a child/teenager/now? As a child, my big plastic crocodile named Marlin (yes, after the Finding Nemo character) that was the "main character" in my games of make-believe. As a teen, probably Rebel, the stuffed meerkat Jason gave me. Now, it's absolutely the pebble I got upon "graduation" from my partial hospitalization program. What’s the kindest act you have ever seen done? I'm not sure; I've seen a good deal. Thinking of only the ones I've seen in-person, uhhhh... wait. A couple days before my overdose, in desperation, I called Jason's house in the middle of the night wanting to talk to him. His mom answered, and she talked to me for hours with such patience and kindness to try and calm me down. I miss her a lot. Is Frozen one of your favorite Disney movies? No, I never really liked it. If you were an explorer, would you rather explore the Arctic Circle, Antarctica, or Alaska? Ohhh, Alaska. It's gorgeous and at least not absolutely frigid everywhere. How many blankets do you sleep with in the winter? I usually just have my usual thick comforter, but if I'm seriously cold, I'll grab another smaller one to wrap myself in underneath the big one. Do you know of anyone who was in labor or gave birth to a baby during a major snowstorm? HAHA my mama w/ me. Do you enjoy eggnog during the winter - with or without alcohol? EW. Do you dress any of your pets in seasonal/holiday apparel? No; I really dislike the concept of dressing your animals unless it's truly for their own benefit/warmth. Who was the last person to give you a gift? What was the reason for it? Uhhhhh. I have no idea. Are you a good cook? If so, who taught you? What’s your favourite thing to cook? NOOOOOOO. When was the last time something in your house broke? Did you manage to fix it or did you need to buy a replacement? Ugh, my laptop is fucked up. It's either the charger port, charger itself, or Mom thinks perhaps the battery. Her friend's husband is gonna look at it after Christmas. Is any part of your body hurting right now? What caused that pain? For once my legs aren't hurting. They almost always do from either muscle atrophy or them having been still for too long. The last time you made a sandwich, what did you put in there? It was just a normal 'ole peanut butter sandwich. What’s your favorite time of day? What’s your favorite thing to do at that time? First thing in the morning, because it feels like a new start. I like watching the sky change from pinkish to blue while I'm just sitting in bed checking everything. Where did you go the last time you left your house? I rode with Mom to her doctor's appointment. I didn't go in w/ her for obvious reasons, I just wanted to go on a ride and listen to music. If you eat steak, how do you like it cooked? What sauces or sides do you like to go with it? It has to be medium well. Idk what sauces are cooked into it that I like, because I don't make it. I like fries with steak, and probably Sara's mom's mashed potatoes would go well, haha. Do you prefer sweet or savory pancakes? What toppings do you have on them? I can't imagine me liking savory pancakes... I just like the usual: butter (not mandatory tho) and syrup. Are you someone who cracks their joints a lot? Which one(s) do you tend to crack and click the most? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO, I HATE THE NOISE SO MUCH. My lower spine pops a lot, though. Some fingers occasionally, too. Have you ever taken medication or tablets to help you sleep? Is this something you do on a regular basis? Yeah, I was taking Melatonin to fight insomnia for quite a while. I only stopped it because my mom was theorizing that it may have been making my nightmares worse, because her dad had AWFUL nightmares on it. I don't know if it did or didn't foor me, honestly. For you, what’s the worst thing about getting up in the morning? What about the worst thing about going to bed tonight? Knowing in the back of my mind that despite my hope, today's going to be the same as yesterday. I dread most nights the process of lying down and actually falling asleep, because it can take hours. Do you prefer regular or diet soft drinks? Not only do I think diet sodas taste bad, but the artificial sweetener gives me awful headaches, anyway. What do you tend to wear if you’re just hanging about the house for the day? I'm only always in my pjs. When was the last time you dyed your hair? Did you do it yourself or get it done at a hairdresser? Ugh... it's been a very, very long time. It was done by a hairdresser, but per usual, the color didn't stick well. I am DYING to bleach my hair so I can dye it pastel pink, light silver, or like a creamsicle orange. I edited some pictures of myself to "try" these colors on, and omg I loved them all. Does having to wear a mask stop you doing things? Is this because you struggle wearing one or you just don’t like it? Not really, no. I barely go anywhere at all though, so I have Have you ever witnessed a car accident? Or have you perhaps been involved in one yourself? Were you at fault? Yes; yes; no. How many books do you read in a year? Do you enjoy reading or do you have to really force yourself to sit down and read? VERY few. I've only just gotten back into semi-regularly reading since Sara got me into Wings of Fire. I have one friend though that is an INCREDIBLE bookworm; she keeps track of how many books she's read in a year, and she's already beyond one a day. It's incredible. If you have pets, where did they come from? A breeder, a rescue or maybe a friend who bred their pet? Roman came from Ashley's inlaws'. They have like an infestation of cats needing to be spayed, so they didn't at all mind letting me have one because I'd been wanting a cat for a long time. I love my baby boy so much. Venus came from The Gourmet Rodent, a snake breeding (and F/T rat provider, as the name suggests) business from Florida. I highly recommend them. Their customer service was fantastic when I was worried about Venus not eating. They even checked up with me a few months following my emails to ensure she was doing well. Have you ever seen an episode of My 600lb Life? No. I absolutely NEVER could. As an obese person who's been fighting her fucking ass off to lose weight for years, I don't want to be further depressed. Do you feel bad when someone asks you to hang out and you say no? Oh yes I do. Ngl, if I don't want to hang for whatever reason, I'm the kind that makes up an excuse to not seem *as* "rude" (quotations bc it's technically not rude at all, anxiety just tells me it is). When was the last time you turned down plans with someone? What did you decide to do instead? Ummmm I'm not sure. Have you ever had any “unusual” or exotic pets? If you could own any animal, what would it be and why? Do you consider iguanas or Chinese water dragons as "exotic/unusual?" Nothing stranger than that, really. I would never, ever own a truly exotic animal that wouldn't do well in captivity. I do however pretty desperately want to rescue an opposum one day, though. I positively adore them; they're my second-favorite animal. How often do you wash your hair? I don't even have a regular schedule for that anymore, honestly... I have to every time I shower because my hair gets oily FAST, but I try to put off showers as long as I can handle now because of how bad my selfcare has been for multiple reasons... What have you found the hardest about the current pandemic? Not seeing an end in sight because people are fucking dumb. Shit's not going to get better unless things drastically change. And what about the easiest? Has anything improved in your life because of what’s happened? Certainly nothing has improved. Not much has changed for me, considering I barely ever left the house to begin with. If you have multiple pets, do they get along with each other? Are they related or even the same species? They ignore each other, really. Surprisingly, even. Roman will sit on my bed and watch Venus slither about occasionally if she's out, even meerkat pose haha, and playful as he is, it's unexpected that he *does* mostly ignore her. What was the last meal you ate? Did you have anything good? Breakfast; I had Special K cereal. I've finally started to get back on track with eating okay. Do you live somewhere where strangers say hi to you in the street? Would you like to live somewhere like that? Where we live now, if you pass someone outside in the car, it's normal and really expected to give a little wave. That's very normal here in the South though, really; you don't just have to be in your own neighborhood. Have you ever tried any of those meal replacement shakes? The chocolate Equate ones are normal in my diet, actually. They're really not bad at all and played a big role in me losing ~60lbs before. Funnily enough, I haven't found a popular name brand I like, though. Cheap stuff isn't always bad. Do you make up silly nicknames for your pets or family members? "Silly" ones, not really, besides Roman. I call him "weirdo" and "crazy" a lot, but nothing truly unique. What’s your favorite thing to take photographs of? Are you actually any good at photography? Nature or boudoir (only shot it once, but I love it and the confidence it gives people). Being as modest as possible, I honestly do think I'm pretty good at it. Do you have anything interesting planned for the rest of the day? How about for tomorrow or the weekend? I haven't had anything interesting planned in eons, it seems like. Are you going to take the vaccine for COVID once it becomes available? Once it proves to be reliable and safe, hell yes. I'm doing my goddamn part in ending this shit. How much housework have you done lately? Is this more or less than usual? A bit more than usual since I haven't finished decorating my room since moving... I've been doing it very slowly and gradually. I need to just finish it already, I'm just so unmotivated. What gifts are you hoping to get for your next birthday (or Christmas, whichever one is coming up next)? I'm fucking dying to get my tat redone/improved. Been waiting since LAST Christmas when I didn't get to use my own gifted money. Do you suffer from any form of motion sickness? No. Do you contribute regularly to any Facebook groups at all? "I’m a member of plenty, but hardly ever post." <<<< Same. I react to posts a lot, though. Just don't really make my own. When was the last time you weighed yourself? Were you happy with the numbers you saw? Ugh... when I went to the doctor I think last week. I knew it'd be bad, but the verification fucking sucked. Since moving, I've gained ~30lbs. Have you got any chronic health issues? What do you do to try and manage them as best you can? YIKES I am a CATASTROPHE. I've got a dictionary of mental health issues that I'm not gonna go through individually, but I deal with them via prescription medications and therapy and sheer will. Who taught you how to drive? My driver's ed teacher. It was mandatory in HS. What was your high school mascot? A firebird. Did you go to your senior prom? Yes. What did you do after graduation? I very briefly went to a community college. What was your first job? GameStop sales associate. If my social anxiety wasn't fucking shit, I probably would have liked it. What did you want to be when you grew up? Somewhat in order: paleontologist, vet, movie director, game designer, animal biologist, video editor (VERY brief), and photographer. Writer, poet, and artist were always something I wanted to do in my free time OR full time if I was lucky. Do you remember the first time you drank a beer? I've never tried beer and don't want to. It smells fucking awful, and because my dad is a recovered alcoholic who was addicted to that in specific, I just want nothing to do with it. Did you ever try cigarettes? No. I have absolutely never understood the appeal, but with a very addictive personality and wild anxiety, I never wanted to risk it, anyway. How did you spend your summers growing up? LOADS of swimming in the pool, jumping on the trampoline, and just playing outside in general. If you could change anything from your teenage years, would you? I'd absolutely change how I found happiness only in Jason. Do you remember your first time? No, because at that time, I didn't really realize it was sex. I know that sounds weird, like "how would you not know?", but just trust me. I don't feel like retrospecting on it. I do remember our first *kiss*-kiss, though. How much did you make per hour at your first job? I don't recall. Favorite home-cooked meal growing up? I looooved spaghetti. Favorite place to eat out growing up? McDonald's, duh, lol. Did your parents live in a different country before you were born? No. They were from different states, though. Do you have a preferred coffee brand? Don't like coffee. Have you ever dated someone who was terrible with money? No. How often do you paint your nails? Never. Do you know anyone who's related to a current or former world leader? Not that I know of. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? I don't pay taxes because I'm unemployed. What is something you don't have any natural talent for? Speaking. At all. What is something you frequently forget? "Numbers." <<<< BIG fat same. How do you feel about your body? How much I hate it is on my mind literally every waking moment of my life to some degree. Who is someone you would like to get to know better? So I have this Facebook friend Courtlynn who seems very similar to me, and I'd love to get to know her better. We interact via posts here and there, but have never seriously talked. What's your opinion on assisted suicide? I am very much for it when a person is in serious pain and recovery is not possible. Like one of my greatest nightmares is being paralyzed from the neck down, and I stg I would spite whichever fucker had jurisdiction over me living. That would be absolute torture for me. At what point do you consider a relationship to be "long-term?" A year, so long as you were consistently together. Stable. What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up? My dad's been a mailman my entire life, and he had a second job at Lowe's for a while as a carpenter. He hated it. Mom worked with computer data at the hospital when I was very young, and then she was an assitant and special needs teacher for a long time. Do they still have these jobs? Or different jobs? Or have they retired? ^ about Dad. It's his only job now. Mom is currently on disability. Do you have a cell contract plan, or are you on a pre-paid plan? Would you believe me if I said I'm unsure? Haha. I use a Tracfone, and my mom takes care of whatever plan comes with that, so idk. Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race? Mom, absolutely. I'm unsure about Dad. I mean he wouldn't *seriously* care so long as they were good to me, but I think he might still be kinda racist. Or he just jokes about it a lot (which should not be joked about, btw). Do you like when friends stop by unexpectedly? "No way lol. I’m very much of a loner and want to be “prepared” to spend time with people." <<<< Absolutely this. How strong are your feelings for the last person you kissed? I love her very, very much. What was the last thing someone else bought for you? Food, I'm sure. Are you attracted to the last person you exchanged numbers with? I haven't seen a picture of her in years, so I have no idea. I remember she was beautiful, though. Is music a daily part of your life? Not daily, no. Some days I only watch YT videos instead of listen to music. What do you think of country music? Not a fan at all. It's ironic considering it was my favorite genre as a little kid. There's the occasional country song I like (mostly ones from my childhood, though), but those are few and far between. Tim McGraw, now, I love. Did you go to your high school’s graduation? Yeah, even though I didn't want to. I didn't care enough about the actual ceremony. Who was the last person to message you on Facebook? What would you do if that person told you they have feelings for you? That would be the woman I took family pictures for. She's married and we barely know each other, so I can assure you she doesn't. When you apply your make-up, do you do it in a specific order? On the very rare occasion I wore makeup, yes. Eyeliner, usually eyeshadow, mascara, and most rarely, black lipstick. Does it matter to you if your significant other smokes? Yes. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? Mom, I think. Do you like where you are in life right now? HA. Is your mom overbearing? No.

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''basket case'' by green day

1 note · View note

bedbellyandbeyond · 6 years

Photo

Dinner

(Rather Long Story Post; Art Throughout)

“You have a lovely home.” After discussing the dinner plans with Yori, Dax had offered to wait for Nathan while he was at the APID for his appointments so that he could drive them both to Yori's place. Despite not wanting to be a nuisance, Nathan took him up on it since it would've taken quite a while by transit. When they arrived, Yori answered the door and brought them in to the living room. “Thank you,” Yori said bringing them tea. “I surrogated for my boyfriend's brother so they helped us pay for this house.” “You surrogated?” Nathan asked. “Mmhm. They wanted a baby but they can't carry any so I did,” Yori said. “You'll be teaching their child, Kidd.” “Child kid? Is that a particular term…”

“I believe what Yori is saying is that the child's name is Kidd,” Dax figured. “Yes,” Yori said. “Captain Kidd Fyse is their whole name but they invited us to call them Kidd.” “Oh… I see. A very…creative name,” Nathan said. “So, even as a male, you can bear children?” “I'm a spirit. My body is as I want it to be,” Yori said. “I'm only male because my boyfriends are homosexual.” “That’s quite fascinating,” Dax said. “I was curious of any distinction between you and I but it seems to be clear now. You are not a vessel for a spirit as I am but the spirit yourself taken physical form.” “Correct. I am me. But you are two.” Nathan furrowed his brow. “You've lost me.” Dax smiled and patted Nathan's shoulder. “I'm sorry, Nathan. To be more clear… I am myself, a human, Dax. But residing within me is the spirit of the thunderbird. It is a part of me but it does not belong to me. Yori on the other hand is a spirit on his own taking a form of his choice, not bound to a human vessel. Does that clear it up?” “Yeah, I guess.” Yori went to the hall. “I'll get my children. They're next door.” “We'd love to meet them,” Dax said smiling. Yori smiled and slipped away. Dax looked around and spotted a family portrait on the mantle. “Ooh, these must be the boyfriends… The tall one is hot stuff, look.” He handed the picture frame to Nathan who took it reluctantly. “I don’t think we should touch their stuff.” “Nonsense, we're not going to break it or anything,” Dax said going through some of the other photos. “Baby pictures! So cute! They all look so alike and yet so different…” “We're going to see them in a minute, sit down,” Nathan said. “We won’t get to see them as babies,” Dax said waving the picture frame before placing it back down. “These kids are so cute. They clearly look like Yori so does that mean they're spirits like him? Or half?” “You'll have to ask them I guess,” Nathan said. “Of course. And what do you think of these boyfriends?” Dax said. “Do you think they're all in love with each other or do you think there's a focus? I have a feeling Yori's the focus but then again these two look like they could be a cute couple too…” “I really don’t want to make assumptions about other people's relationships,” Nathan said. “Fair enough. I wonder which one does the most cooking…” Yori reappeared with his three children following behind him like ducklings. They were all practically moving in sync though the girl stuck her tongue out at them. “These are my children. In order of first born to last: Marco, Skylar and Rowan.” They waved as their names were said. Dax got up and placed his hands on his hips, the teacher's sign for 'I'm you're superior but I respect you and am open to your thoughts and feelings and you can ask me anything'. A good first move Nathan thought to himself. “Look at the brilliant bunch you are. You look like you'll be little stars in my class. Marco, Skylar and Rowan. Beautiful names.” “My name's a tree!” Rowan said gleefully putting his arms straight up in the air. “That it is. You're a smart one as I'm sure you all are,” Dax said. “My name is Mr. Olivier. I'm going to be your teacher this year.” “I thought Mama was gonna be the teacher,” Marco said tugging on Yori's pants. “You're the teacher, right?” “I'm going to be a teacher but not for you,” Yori said pouting. “No, whyyy?” Marco whined. “You said you were gonna be a teacher so you'd be with us.” “They gave me a different class.” “I wanna be in that class then!” Skylar said and her triplets agreed. “I was told you're too old for my class.” “But your Mama's gonna be at the school with you every day,” Dax assured them. “You're a lot luckier than other kids for that. They don’t get to see their moms or dads at school.” “But they'll get to see our Mama more than us at school,” Rowan said. “Not all the kids. And besides, you'll have him here at home with you. The other kids don’t get that.” “I guess that's okay…” Rowan said. “Who're you?” Skylar asked suddenly pointing at Nathan. “Me? Oh, I'm another teacher,” Nathan said standing up. “I'm Mr. Cassidy. I'll be teaching Senior Kindergarten.” “What's that?” Skylar asked. “Uh it's preschool for five year olds.” “He'll teach Kidd,” Yori said. “Kidd won't be in our class?” Rowan asked. “No, you're two years older than them,” Yori explained. “That means they're in a different class.” “Aw… I wanna play with Kidd at school,” Marco said. “You can at recess,” Yori said. “Well, actually, the kindergarten classes will likely have a different recess time than you, so they won’t play at the same time…” Dax explained. “We don’t get to play with Kidd?” Skylar whined. “No, I'm sorry…” Nathan said. “But you always have time at home to play with them. He or she is your cousin right?” “Yeah.” “Not he or she,” Yori said. “Kidd is a Yulinian.” “Oh. But they're cousins?” Nathan asked. “Yeah, not entirely.” Another man showed up as if out of nowhere carrying a blue skinned child. “My brother made that one,” he said pointing to Marco. “And I made this one.” He placed the child who Nathan assumed was Kidd on the floor. “I'm Lino.” Nathan put out his hand. “Nathan Cassidy. So Kidd is your child?” “Yep. They're half me—I'm a human by the way—and half my tall blue babe…” Lino looked behind him finding no one. “Vi! Hurry up!” The Yulinian caught up to him carrying a tray of cookies. “Sorry, I wanted to check these were baked through before I brought them… Um, yes, hello. I'm Vi. Lino's partner. Kidd is our offspring.” Nathan shook the Yulinian's hand. “Do you have preferred pronouns?” From meeting a couple at the school, Nathan had learned to many Yulinians had chosen binary genders to fit in more on Earth. “Oh, he/him please,” Vi said. “Kidd on the other hand uses they/them at this time. We understand that there may be some confusion among the other children but we've discussed it with Kidd and they don't mind if there is some misgendering so long as there is correction.” “I will do my best to make sure Kidd is represented properly,” Nathan said. “I may even have other Yulinians in my class.” “Yeah, we're not likely the weirdest family with kids in this school…” Lino said. “I keep telling Vi not to worry about this stuff.” “It's okay to be concerned,” Nathan said. “Every parent worries about these kinds of things.” “Also, I feel like adding that I consider myself Kidd's mother despite identifying male and not having born them myself,” Vi said. “My own mother was not directly related to me but they were my caregiver and the one who facilitated my travel to Earth and in their spirit, I'd like to be the same for Kidd.” “I tried to tell him a dad is the same but he doesn’t listen,” Lino said. “The majority of my existence is listening, it's Yulinian culture,” Vi said. “But I came to my own conclusion about my position in Kidd's life.” Nathan smiled a nodded. “I understand. Thank you for sharing that with me.” “I've been researching Earth education systems and while I believe early learning is heavily simplified at a time when the brain is at it's keenest to learn the deepest complexities of life, I'm sure that your teachings along with supplementary learning at home will be adequate in giving Kidd an education relatively strong enough for them to succeed in their future pursuits of knowledge,” Vi said patting Nathan on the shoulders. “Uh, we probably won't be assigning homework in kindergarten,” Nathan said. “I know you won't. I meant the learning I will provide to Kidd in our home. Yulinian education. While the children can learn the necessary social skills to interact with their peers in your class, at home Kidd will advance their academic knowledge.” “You don't think that might be too much for one child to handle? Social interactions won't be the only thing we're learning. We'll be starting in math and writing and early French Immersion in our class.” “The French will be useful, but you needn't teach Kidd writing or math,” Vi explained. “They already write and calculate at a secondary level by human standards.” “…They're five,” Nathan said. “Four, but yes, a little behind for that age but we have to take into account genealogy…” Vi said tilting his head towards Lino. “Hey,” Lino huffed. “Um, children are supposed to be five years of age going into senior kindergarten,” Nathan said. “Does Kidd turn five this year?” “No, they turned four in June. We already talked to the school about this. I wanted them bumped up several grades but Lino pointed out that they wouldn't fit in with the other kids socially so we settled on advancing Kidd by one grade year.” “You know, senior kindergarten isn't even mandatory,” Nathan said. “Look, dude. Since the moment my kid was born, Vi's been trying to teach them physics and calculus,” Lino said. “Kidd needs a break. They need to go out and play and have some freaking fun. Watching them study is driving me insane.” “I want to go to school,” Kidd murmured. “And they want to go to school,” Lino said. “There's that too. Probably the most important.” “Marco, Skylar and Rowan go to school and I miss them,” Kidd said. “You won't be in their class though,” Lino said. “But there'll be other kids to meet,” Nathan assured them. “You'll have a lot of kids to make friends with.” “Okay…” Kidd pouted. Skylar swooped in and picked them up from behind. “You can't have Kidd! Kidd's ours!” she yelled before running off upstairs followed by her brothers. Lino chuckled while Vi worriedly went after them. “Kids are so crazy.” “So… Captain Kidd was it?” Nathan asked. “Probably the most unique name I'll have taught.” Lino shrugged. “Pirates are cool, dude. What can I say? And Vi turned down a lot of the other super cool names I had lined up…” “You seem like a carefree kind of guy,” Dax said. “I like that.” “And who're you again?” Lino asked. “Dax Olivier. Second grade teacher and Head of French Immersion,” Dax introduced himself. “I'll be teaching your niece and nephews.” “Are you French then?” “Québécois Métis,” Dax confirmed. “And yourself? Lino and Marco sounds…Italian or Hispanic but there seems to be more going on.” “Guess,” Lino said. “Lino Mannan. My brother’s name is Dante.” “Mannan. That sounds…” Dax tapped his chin. “Indian Italian?” “Bingo,” Lino said. “What a unique mix,” Dax said. “Which parent is which?” “My mom's from Florence. My dad's from Dubai. They met in Florence when my dad tried to hawk her an umbrella.” “That was some pretty good hawking,” Dax said. “Yeah. My dad could sell a calculus textbooks to a high school dropout.” “Must be a remarkable salesperson,” Dax said. “Requires an incredible amount of charisma and tact.” “You sound like we're playing a game of D&D.” The front door opened and the triplets came running down the stairs yelling ‘Papa'. The visitors turned to look as another man, similar to Lino came in. He grinned to the children and tousled their hair. “Hey, how are you guys? Did Mama bring us home some guests?” he asked waving to Dax and Nathan. “Yeah!” Marco said. “They're gonna be our teachers!” “Ooh, are you excited?” “Yeah!” Skylar exclaimed. “You must be Dante,” Dax said smiling. “I'm Dax Olivier and this is my new colleague, Nathan Cassidy.” Dante stood up straight and walked into the living room to meet them. “It's nice to meet you. Yori told me he'd bring home one teacher, not two.” “I'm going to be teaching your… I'll be teaching Kidd,” Nathan said. “Ah. Now I see.” Dante smiled and shook his hand. “I think the word you were looking for is ‘nibling'.” “Nibling. That's definitely a new one for me,” Nathan said. “Yeah, don't know when it came into use but a lot of dictionaries recognize it so we use it,” Dante said. “I think it's cute,” Dax said. “Now I'll have to look up something for French…” “Mr. Olivier was it?” Dante asked offering his hand. “You can call me Dax.” Dante jumped a little when their hands touched. “Oh, static…” “No, that's just me,” Dax said. “I'm sorry, you're probably the tenth person I shocked today…” “Oh, no that's alright…” Dante rubbed his hands together. “How does that kind of thing...come about?” “Oh, I'm a thunderbird,” Dax said. “The spirit within sometimes likes to meet people too…with little shocks.” “Oh. That sounds really cool,” Dante said smiling. “So, like, are you able to turn into a bird like Yori can be a dog?” “Us too!” Skylar said before transforming into a shiba inu puppy coming right out of her clothes, her brother following her lead right after. The bunch of them started running around their parents' legs. Yori chuckled and joined them, becoming a slightly bigger shiba and chasing them. Dante sighed. “Kids, when you turn back, bring your clothes to a private room, please. We're not getting naked in front of the guests.” The pups yipped in agreement and started to wrestle.

“That's incredible,” Nathan mumbled, still just in awe of the transformations he'd just seen. It made him feel weak, unable to transform at will, unable to even remember what happens when he does. These kids could do pretty much whatever they wanted as puppy without any restrictions really. “To answer your question,” Dax said addressing Dante. “Sort of. The whole bird thing is a bit of a learning curve for me. Unlike your partner and children, I don't have much control over transformation… It's sort of like the thunderbird takes over. But I have some choice of when it happens… Used to be if there was a thunderstorm, the bird took over and I was lost until the storm was over. But now I can hold my own through those kind of events but I might get a little…sparky.” “What if that happens during class?” Dante asked looking concerned. “I can assure you, should this occur during school hours, your children will not be in harm’s way,” Dax said. “I am constantly well aware of the barometric pressure and have discussed procedures with the school on handling the situation and substitution on such days.” “Well, alright… If you're sure it's safe.” “The very last thing I'd want for my students is for them to get hurt,” Dax said. “I've been teaching for four years now with no incident.” Lino bumped shoulders with Nathan. “Hey, seems like these teachers at this school have a lot of powers or whatever. You got something?” Nathan blinked and then panicked. “Uh, um…” “It's a bit personal for a lot of us revealing our species or powers or what have you,” Dax cut in. “While I don’t mind discussing mine with you, I believe Nathan expressed earlier that he rather not talk about it. Security of identity. I'm sure you can understand.” Lino shrugged. “Fine. Whatever. Personal's personal… Unless you're dangerous.” Nathan rubbed his arm. “I—” “If he were dangerous, he wouldn't have been hired,” Dax cut in again. “None of us would. However danger is relative. A normal human being can be just as dangerous as any other. But this is school we’re taking about. Student safety is number one.” “Alright, alright, chill,” Lino said holding up his hands. “ Are you gonna have some of Vi's cookies or what?” It seemed everyone had forgotten the treats the Yulinian had brought out. Nathan took one and took a bite but Dax passed. “I wouldn't want to spoil dinner,” Dax said. “I've been told I eat like a bird…” “Dinner might be a while if we have to wait for Slenderman,” Lino said. “He means our partner Ruben,” Dante said punching his brother's arm. “Ruben's on his way so I'm going to start dinner. How many are we?” He lightly pointed to everyone then twice upstairs (counting Vi and Kidd) and then adding the missing boyfriend. He paused. “Uh, Lino…” Lino raised an eyebrow. “Eh?” “Is, um, is Dusty joining us?” “Do you want him to?” “I…I don't mind either way. I just need to know how many mouths we're feeding.” “I can ask him.” “Please.” Nathan blinked, and watched as Lino left the room. This household only seemed to be getting bigger by the minute. “Nathan, Dax, do you want to help me pick a dinner?” Dante said. “We have a couple food restrictions in the house so I want to make sure everyone's happy.” “Sure, that sounds good,” Dax said patting Nathan's back. “I'm sure whatever you make will be delicious but we'll be happy to assist.” Nathan nodded, following them into the kitchen. Dante took out a big rolodex of recipes from the cupboard and started flipping. “Vi is a pescatarian so if you're down for seafood, that'll make this easiest,” Dante said. “And the kids are picky too so I gotta keep the vegetables sneaky…” “I am always down for seafood,” Nathan said with Dax nodding in agreement. Dante pulled out a couple cards. “I have the stuff for these… Seafood Paella, Lemon Parmesan Spaghetti and Shrimp , Shrimp and Crab Fettuccine...” “That last one sounds delicious,” Dax said. “Nathan?” “I can't believe you'd cook crab and shrimp for us this far inland,” Nathan said. “It's not a big deal. Lino buys a haul of seafood regularly so we have lots,” Dante said. “They have a bit more disposable income…” He leaned over and opened the pantry. “Fettuccine, Fettuccine… Ah, there…” Dax peeped into the pantry and his jaw dropped. “That is an entire grocery store of pasta.” Dante chuckled. “Well… We are Italian… And Ruben loves pasta a lot too so we keep all sorts. The dry pasta lasts a long time though I prefer fresh… But who has time to make fresh pasta all the time?” Nathan raised an eyebrow. “…Pasta can go bad?” “Yes, of course,” Dante said. “I mean, dry pasta has usually a couple years of shelf life, but it does go bad. And before then it'll lose a lot of it's flavour so you gotta keep track.” “I think I have a box of elbows in the cupboard from 2003…” Nathan said. “…Yeah, throw that out? Or you can make some art with it…” Dante pointed to the macaroni pictures on his fridge. “So cute,” Dax commented. “Rowan's the little artist,” Dante said pointing to the little orange paw print in the corner. “Marco's and Skylar's didn't…survive.” “Do tell.” “You've heard of 'my dog ate my homework'?” “Ah.” Nathan moved over near the fridge. “Would you like us to help prep anything?” “Uh, sure, let me get everything out and then see what I have for you to do,” Dante said, going to the fridge to grab more ingredients. He set them up with a few small things to do like cutting and washing vegetables while he boiled and started the pasta. After a bit Lino came back with news. “I asked Dusty if he wanted to join us all for dinner and he stuffed a piece of bread in his mouth and said he'd already eaten.” “Jeez, alright,” Dante said. “That's fine, but maybe make sure he actually eats something good. Grey too. Maybe I'll make extra anyway…” “Yeah, he'd probably like that.” Lino turned to go but Dante took his arm. “Actually, could you stir this pasta for a minute? I'm gonna go talk to him,” Dante said, directing his brother into the spot where he'd been standing. “Alright, be quick.” Dante nodded and left. “Is this more family?” Dax asked. “Who, Dusty?” Lino started stirring. “Family friend. He's living with me.” “And he doesn’t want to eat with us?” “Naw. It's complicated.” “And Grey?” “His kid.” “Will we be seeing him in school?” “Naw, he's three.” “We will have daycare services if he's interested.” “Doubt it. They're stuck together like glue. Dusty's really protective.” “Ah. Is he employed?” “Looking but he doesn’t have many human skills.” “Hmm… Perhaps he should enroll in trade school?” “Everyone’s solution to everything seems to be school these days…” “I mean, we are teachers so we're a little biased…” Dax patted Nathan's shoulder. “School doesn't always work for everyone,” Nathan said. “But we live in an age where education level is often prioritised by well paying employment… Does he have a high school degree?” “I don't even know,” Lino said. “He probably doesn't even have a résumé.” “Geez, with a child too…” Dax rubbed his neck. “It must be hard.” “That's not even the beginning of it,” Lino said. “Oh please, do tell,” Dax said curiously. “Well…” Lino looked like he was gonna say something but Dante came back a moment later. “Yeah, it's not really my business to talk about that stuff.” “Alright, alright…” Dante frowned. “Were you talking about Dusty?” “Maybe,” Lino said. “Leave him alone, Lino,” Dante said. “His business isn't ours to just talk about.” “That's what I was saying,” Lino said. “Yeesh.” Dante gave his brother a look but went back to the pot. “You're stirring it too much. Let it sit for a minute.” Lino dropped the spoon handle and backed off so his brother could take over. “Sorry.” “Could you go set the table or something?” Dante said. “I'll help,” Dax said. “Sure.” Lino looked around. “So with the kids makes ten, right?” “I believe so,” Dante answered. “Alright, we need to puts some leaves in,” Lino said waving Dax to follow him into the dining room and that he did. “Ugh, they're just gonna gossip about Dusty…” Dante sighed, getting out the shrimp and crab from the freezer. “Yeah, Dax seems to be a very…curious guy.” “You were going to say nosy.” “Yeah…” “Funny after that speech he said about personal info…” “Well, I mean he knew talking about my condition makes me uncomfortable… So I guess he just…checks himself when he knows he's overstepping.” Dante glanced over at Nathan. “Or he likes you…” “…What?” “Hmph… He was overstepping with Dusty.” “Oh. Yeah I guess so.” Dante sighed and rubbed his neck. “Dusty's a complicated situation. But he's going through hard times and the last thing he needs is people sticking their nose in his business.” “I understand,” Nathan said. Dax and Lino came back to get napkins and utensils to set the table. Dante and Nathan were nearly done when Ruben finally got home. Once again the kids swarmed him, back in human form again, and Yori greeted him at the door giving him a kiss. Ruben let Yori climb onto his back and carried him into the kitchen. He gave Dante a kiss and rested his chin on his shoulder. “Rube, this is Nathan Cassidy,” Dante said introducing the teacher. “He'll be teaching Kidd in the Fall.” “Nice to meet you, Ruben,” Nathan said. “And you,” Ruben said, letting go off one of Yori's legs to shake Nathan's hand. Nathan though Yori would've slipped but apparently he had a good grip on his partner. “I thought Yori was bringing home the triplets' teacher.” “I did,” Yori said pointing towards the dining room. “He's setting up the table.” “Ah. ‘Scuse us then,” Ruben said heading on through to the dining room. Vi came to the kitchen carrying Kidd with him on his back. “Ah, it smells so good in here.” “I'm sure you know exactly what we're making,” Dante said. “Yes, shrimp and crab,” Vi said, smiling. “Crab is my favourite. We have a species back on Yulin called tren and it's so absolutely succulent.” “Well this isn't tren of course, but it's top shelf for sure,” Dante assured him. “We're pretty much done. Could you help plate it with me? I'm not sure how much Kidd'll eat.” “Who knows. Sometimes Kidd's really hungry and sometimes they eat like they'd already come from a feast,” Vi says. “I feel like the triplets have something to do with that,” Dante said. “I know they have their own stash of snacks somewhere in their room… They've probably been sharing with Kidd even though I told them it's not as good for Kidd as it is for the triplets.” Nathan strained the pasta and sea food for them so they could start serving dinner. Dante called Yori to call the kids for dinner and then the food was brought out. The kids all sat on one side with their booster seats. Vi sat on one end so he could watch Kidd and Yori sat at the other without a plate. “You're not eating?” Dax asked Yori as he sat down beside Nathan. Yori shook his head. “I don't eat this kind of food.” “As a spirit, Yori only gets energy from sugar,” Dante said. “He'll eat when we bring out dessert.” “Why don't you eat it now then?” Nathan asked. “We don't like to encourage the kids into thinking they can have sugar instead of dinner,” Ruben said. “While they do benefit from sugar like Yori, they still need nutrition from healthy foods.” “How fascinating,” Dax said. “Perhaps, I'll have to discuss dietary differences with my class. I'm sure there are other students who will have their own health needs…” “That's probably a good idea,” Dante said. “We've had other parents look at us like we're spoiling our kids and it's hard to explain that they need more sugar without discussing their species…” “Well, at APID E you can be sure species or condition shouldn't be a problem since everyone will be different in such regards,” Dax ensured. “It's the whole point of it's foundation.” “It is a relief,” Dante said. “Not having to try and hide everything…” “Rumours went around school last year about the pups being dogs,” Ruben said. “Kids tried to pick on them about it. You know…'Teacher's Pet'.” “Oh, no… That must've been terrible,” Nathan said. “Not really,” Skylar piped up. “Well, not really for them,” Dante said giving them the eye. “The keyword was ‘tried'… They didn’t really seem to care. Of course we got calls from their teacher to talk about how our children were acting like dogs in class…” The triplets all smiled innocently. “It was hard to reason with the teacher,” Dante said. “Pretty sure she didn’t like us on Day 1 because of our family…format.” “It's sad to see bias on the part of educators,” Dax said. “Their job is to open kids minds to endless possibilities of learning, but how can they, when they can't be open minded themselves?” “Preach,” Ruben said. Dax pushed his hair off his shoulder. “In my own experience as a two spirited teacher, I have found an unfortunate amount of resistance from my peers… However there are many allies within the education system.” “Two spirited?” Nathan asked in slight confusion. “Do you mean having the spirit of the thunderbird?” “No, no… Well, in a way, yes, I suppose I'm two spirited that way…” Dax rubbed his chin. “But when I say two spirited, I refer to the native term, having both the male and female spirit. It's a very traditional concept. It is often used in the indigenous community as an umbrella term for any LGBTQ+ members.” “So you're native?” Ruben asked. “Wouldn't have guessed.” “Well, my father is of French Canadian heritage and I was mainly raised by him,” Dax said. “It wasn’t until I exhibited signs of thunderbird heritage that my father revealed my background. At that time, I met my mother's family and learned about my roots.” “Thunderbird,” Ruben said in an inquisitive tone. “Right, you weren’t here earlier,” Dax said. “The spirit of the thunderbird dwells within me. It is a sacred spirit that is born into a new host every time the old host dies.” “What's it do?” “Long story short, I can turn into a big electric bird, and occasionally zap people in this form,” Dax explained. “Oh, that's pretty cool,” Ruben said. While they ate, Nathan kept his eye on the clock. Since it hadn't taken a while for Ruben to get home, it had started getting late and Nathan really didn’t want to turn wolf on this family. He ate somewhat quickly but waited for everyone while still trying to be polite. Once the meal was over, he did his best not to involve himself in any after dinner activities but he still agreed to wash the dishes with Dax when he offered. “Now slow down a minute,” Dax said as Nathan was vigorously drying dishes. “You're going to burn a hole in those plates. Don't rush.” “Sorry…” Nathan said. “I just… I kind of have to get home soon. I have to clean up a bit.” “We can leave soon, don't worry,” Dax said. “I'll drive you home.” “Oh, you don't have to do that,” Nathan said. “I know my way from here.” “No, I'll be headed out soon too so I might as well drive you.” “Alright, thanks.” Yori walked into the kitchen and hopped up on the counter. “You're leaving soon?” “Yeah, the two of us have to get home,” Dax said. “Okay. Take some leftovers. I'll let my family know,” Yori said, sliding off the table and going back to the living room. They finished up the dishes and packed up a Tupperware each of leftovers before heading to the door. “Heading out?” Ruben said, walking up with Skylar clinging to his leg. He shook their hands. “I'm sorry I was so late and couldn't get to hang out more.” “It's no worries, we'll be seeing you around Parent Teacher meetings?” Dax suggested. “More of a Dante thing. I'll be there for pickup and dropoff.” “Alright, I'll see you around,” Dax said. Lino appeared to wave them off. “See ya. Nathan, you'll keep a good eye on my Kidd, won't you?” “Of course. See you around.” Lino nodded and disappeared and Ruben watched them until they got to Dax's car. Nathan glanced up and groaned seeing the moon hanging heavy in the setting sky. He got into Dax's passenger seat and put the sun visor down, as if that would help.

“Where to?” Dax asked as he got in and pulled out his phone. “22 Roseburn Ave.” Dax put it in and connected it to his car's navigation system before driving. “Ooh. Posh area.” “Inherited it,” Nathan said. “Couldn't afford it otherwise…” “Ah.” Dax smiled. “Did you have a good time?” “I did.” “I've never really had a parent invite me into their home before,” Dax considered. “Is it even appropriate? Is it favouritism? Perhaps we shouldn't have. I don't know. But I liked it.” “Yeah…” Nathan wasn’t really paying attention. He kept rubbing his arms, feeling the hairs lifting as they prepared to transform. A sick feeling bubbled up inside him as he began to worry. What if he didn’t get home in time? What if he transformed in his co-worker’s car? What if he hurt Dax? He noticed the hair on his knuckles beginning to grow and he panicked. “Dax stop the car.” Dax raised an eyebrow. “What? We're not even close.” “Stop the car and let me out right now!” “Okay, okay. Calm down.” Dax pulled the car over to the side of the road and stopped, unlocking the doors. Nathan threw the passenger door open and got out quickly, beginning to take off his clothes. His skin began to burn as hair forced it's way out, covering his whole body. His bones creaked and snapped as they changed form and relocated. He cried out in pain as his muscles and joints swelled and twisted to meet his new shape. He fell to his knees and then to his side, curling up in anguish. Through hazy eyes he saw Dax approaching him and he tried to yell at him to stay away but it just came out as snarls and growls. Colour began to drain from his vision and he shut his eyes tight, trying to bear through the pain. Eventually the pain peaked and he lost all consciousness.

#lore #Nathan #Dax #Yori #Ruben #Dante #RuDanYo #Vi #Lino #ViLino #Marco #Skylar #Rowan #Kidd #implied mpreg #werewolf #spirit #thunderbird #long post

55 notes · View notes

frederator-studios · 7 years

Text

Meet D.R. Beitzel, Creator of “The Bagheads”

DR Beitzel is a cartoonist, creative producer, and Pennsylvania fellow living a NYC dream. His day job is playing video games in a Times Square skyscraper; his evenings are occupied writing funnies and drawing comics for the likes of MAD Magazine, McSweeneys, and his own Phatypus Comics. And like several of his idols before him - Matt Groening, anyone? - he’s now making the petite leap from comics to cartoons. His GO! Cartoon “The Bagheads” is a historically accurate depiction of trash take-out travails with former roommates and his competitive clashes with his older brother. He maintains that the Goat (”Goooat”) is its sole foray into the cartoonish make-believe. He studied politics, so you know that he has 0 capacity to - dare I even suggest it!? - fib.

Sooo, where’d you study animation?

I didn’t! I first went to a community college in central Pennsylvania. It was full of a bunch of cool people - unfortunately not Donald Glover or Alison Brie, but fortunately also not Chevy Chase. Then I went to University of Pittsburgh and studied communications and political science.

Poli- what now?

Yeah... it was the Obama era. I thought “It’s all uphill from here! We’re just riding this political train into the Promised Land!” Reality hit hard. Back then, Jon Favreau was writing Obama’s ‘Yes We Can’ speeches, and I was all riled up. I wanted to be a speechwriter.

At one point a local city councilman asked me to write some remarks for him to use on Martin Luther King Day. I was idealistic and had a head full of steam, so I wrote this fiery, passionate stemwinder that drew on self-sacrifice and righteousness. I even referenced "Letter from Birmingham Jail”. The thing was, it was for a pancake breakfast at a rural Pennsylvania fire hall. So, I'm pretty sure he went out and said something like, "Thanks for coming. Go Eagles”. I was young and naive, and didn't realize that every speech didn't have to be "Ask not what your country can do for you ..."

When did you decide to NOT work in politics?

When I met a real life politician. (I laugh) No, really! He was a hometown representative - I’m from the Pennsylvania boonies. And he was a Republican, which was fine; I was just looking for a foot in the door. But when he found out I wasn’t, he asked me if I was a double agent. Like he actually suspected me of being in cahoots with the Dems to get dirt on him! So weird. And then finally, it came down to either an unpaid internship with a politician or a paid gig without a politician, so I chose to get paid.

Chasing that dollar. What was the paid gig?

I started out as a freelance editor for fashion and fitness blogs. The biggest perk - and irony - was that I was working in sweatpants from my couch. I got jobs at some TV and radio stations. At the end of college, I did do one unpaid internship, which was the best free work I ever did. It was at WQED, the PBS affiliate in Pittsburgh where Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood was filmed back in the day. They still had a bunch of the sets just hanging around the hallways - and I even got to meet Mr. McFeely, who was exactly as nice as you’d hope. Eventually, I decided to leave Pennsylvania and move to New York, probably for the cheap rent. And I’ve been here ever since, working with mobile games. I even got to visit the old MAD Magazine office when I did a comic with them. It was covered in original art from some of the all-time greats.

What kinda stuff have you done for MAD Mag and others?

For MAD, I did a comic parody called “Captain Red America”. He’s like Captain America but only represents conservative states, so a lot of his enemies are things he doesn’t actually believe in. So, when he fights the super villain Climate Change, Cap can’t fight back because he doesn’t believe in climate change, so it just beats him up. I also did some writing for McSweeneys. They have some of the funniest stuff published anywhere, and I always wanted to write for them. I love doing comics, too, because if I have an idea, I can just put it out there—there aren’t really stakeholders involved. Recently, I just finished a Valentines comic for Bushwick Daily, a local Brooklyn blog, about the types of people you meet on Tinder.

How was transplanting to NYC - did you always want to move there?

Ehhh… I’m one of those unwilling New Yorkers who loves to hate it. The city has its upsides; it’s the best comedy scene. When I first arrived I joined UCB, which I think is mandatory when you move to New York - they just issue you a membership with your MetroCard. I always brag that I got to see Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson perform their Broad City stage show before it became a TV show. I love that community, and part of me wishes I’d have stuck with it longer, but I was getting pulled in a bunch of different directions, including a new job.

Oh yeah? Where at?

At Nickelodeon! I got the opportunity very randomly, about a month after I arrived. My (soon-to-be) boss called two people in for interviews, and I guess all that theatrical training from UCB paid off, because I was able to fake being a functional person long enough for her to hire me. It’s a really fun place to work: talented artists, toys everywhere, and sometimes wide-eyed kids are touring the office or testing games for us and you remember what we’re all doing there. The downside is that we’re in Times Square, so when I venture into the street I’m guaranteed to get a face-full of armpit. But playing video games is part of my job - I produce apps and games related to Nick shows.

That is the Dream. What’s your favorite game you’ve worked on?

Probably TMNT: Legends. We had a tremendous team of real fans, and the game looks great. Plus, I got to go visit Montreal where the team is based. I highly recommend that everyone spend years developing a game with a blockbuster studio, so you can visit, too.

Did you choose the cartoon life, or did the cartoon life choose you?

Wow, I really need to get “Cartoon Life” tattooed across my stomach. It was mutual selection. As a kid, I’d go to my grandma’s house and draw through all the paper she had. I looked up to Sergio Aragones of MAD. I was always drawing in the margins of the handouts at church - that’s the only way I’d sit still. But in high school, I stopped drawing for a bit - I guess I was partying too much, or maybe I just lost all my pencils in one of my oversized neon Tommy Hilfiger jackets. Then, I got back into it in college, drawing editorial comics at my school newspapers. I get inspired by people like Matt Groening. He was grinding out “Life in Hell” for like 40 years - well after he became a TV tycoon with The Simpsons and Futurama - just for the love of it.

How did you come to pitch for GO! Cartoons?

Just a random Google search, looking for places to send some stuff. I only barely met the deadline. I put together a thumbnail pitch and sent it on in.

Did “The Bagheads” change much from pitch through production?

The core story was always a brother and sister arguing over trash take-out. But it fluctuated in length quite a bit. There were a lot parts I added and then we condensed or cut out. There were intros, flashbacks - at some point, probably dragons and ice zombies - a lot did have to be trimmed down. Which was tough, because as you can probably tell, I’m a pretty big blowhard.

Who inspired the Bagheads, and were they always, you know… bag headed?

The Bagheads were always bagheads. As a little kid, I used to doodle baghead people with my brother, who inspired me to start drawing at all. We’d draw the guys from Guns ‘N Roses, but with bags over their heads—I have no idea why, but probably because I was kid who was crappy at drawing and couldn’t draw faces. Anyway, it became a running gag between us, we called them Guns ‘N Baggies. And over the years since, I’d draw those types every now and then -- a muscle baggie, an old baggie, whatever. So when I was getting ready to submit to Frederator, I knew the character’s personalities, but I didn’t know their appearances. So I reached into my childhood and pulled out the Bagheads.

What do you enjoy the most about Elbow and Artemis?

Well, what I enjoyed most about the short in general was working with so many talented people to bring it to life. I gotta give a big shout out to Eric, Kelsey, Michelle, JoJo, Sylvia, Paul, Bill, Kevin, Stephen, our cast and everyone else at Frederator and Salami Studios who made this happen. I did not do this alone - nowhere near it.

As for Artemis and Elbow, I’ve always liked duos with friendly antagonism, like Ren and Stimpy, Bugs and Daffy. Those good-natured conflicts where you’re kinda buddies, but you’re also kinda at each other’s throat. I like that Artemis and Elbow’s personalities create conflict: she’s hyper-competitive, he’s lazy. And then there’s their poor clueless dad, who’s working too much and constantly worried about the safety of his kids but doesn’t realize the biggest danger to them is each other. Those relationships can serve up a lot of fun, simple stories.

What inspired Nuke Man Jones, who’s still pulling off the eternal dunk as we speak?

Harlem Globe Trotters, for sure. They basically have superpowers. I was really looking for things that Elbow might see at a high altitude and I wanted something silly. Nuke Man is stuck up there in Earth’s orbit now, cursed to never complete that dunk like some Sisyphean baller fate.

The billion dollar question: do the Bagheads have bags for heads, or are they wearing bags over regular people heads?

Ya know, I’m gonna opt not to answer that one. The question of the bags can remain an unanswered mystery if it gets a series. It’ll be like The Leftovers for kids.

How about some favorite cartoons?

I mean, my Top 10 would just be The Simpsons, Seasons 1 through 10: that’s my all-time favorite TV, right there. South Park can’t get enough love—those guys have turned out classic after classic, and they’re the smartest gross-out humor in history. Looney Tunes, Ren & Stimpy, Beavis and Butthead - Mike Judge is a genius. Jim Henson and The Muppets, even though it’s not a cartoon; puppets count, right? MAD Magazine stuff like Sergio Aragones features or “Spy vs. Spy,” which was an inspiration for this Bagheads short.

I’m also really inspired by old school newspaper comics. It breaks my heart that they’re disappearing. Calvin and Hobbes is gorgeous and the most inspiring thing to me. I just read the entire series again, and it’s as good as ever. I appreciate that Bill Watterson refused all the licensing and merch deals people wanted to make for it. I read once that he left something like $400 million on the table.

That’s amazing.

Yeah. Once, I made a parody album cover for a local comic shop’s art show, and I made one based off of Notorious BIG’s “Ready to Die” cover: Notorious HOB’s “Ready to Live”. People wanted prints so I started selling them, and then it dawned on me that I was breaking the spirit of Watterson’s anti-commercial stance. So I stopped selling them, and just told people, “Sorry, they’re gone!”

What do you like to do outside of your work*? (*everybody else’s play)

I like to connect with my inner hillbilly - errr, inner hippie - whatever it is. I go to the beach and state parks pretty often. And I love stand-up: I just saw Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, Amy Schumer, Jeff Ross and Kevin Hart at Radio City Music Hall. It was insane.

What are you working on now?

At the moment, I’m investing all my resources in trying to score “Black Panther” tickets. Otherwise, I'm working on a musical animated series idea with two musician friends, Jeff and Matt. It's really cool and is somewhere between Hamilton and Freaks & Geeks. I'm also working on a comic strip about animals in a post-human world. It's really cartoony, except the president is a photo-realistic opossum whose speeches are just incoherent, ear-piercing screeches. I'm not sure where that falls on the fiction/non-fiction spectrum. So much for giving up politics!

youtube

Great talking with you D.R., thanks for the interview! Looking forward to all of your future endeavors. And I’ll be sure to vote for you if you ever return to politics / being a spy for those wily Pennsylvania Dems.

Everybody: keep up with Phatypus Comics on Facebook and Instagram, @phatypus! And here on Tumblr: @phatypuscomics

- Cooper

#The Frederator Interview #frederator #frederator studios #go! cartoons #interview #cartoon #comic #animation #comics #cartoons #new cartoon #The Bagheads #phatypus #phatypus comics #DR Beitzel

71 notes · View notes

overtopsdev · 4 years

Text

Hacking Your Mental State

To quote the very first post on this blog; “starting something is easy”. However, we don’t want to just start this thing, we want to finish it too.

Working from home can be challenging at the best of times. Harry has spent most of his career doing it, but Shane has spent most of his actively avoiding it. This year however, none of us get a choice, the world rolled a 1, and we all have to work out how to do what we’ve got to do while in these particular circumstances we are in. It’s very tempting to throw up your hands and go “too hard, I’ll just wait for the world to be back to normal”, but that is no way to live. If you want to get anything done in life, you have to just roll with the punches, look at the situation and go, “ok, what can we do with this? How can we make this work anyway?”

So, Harry and Shane have decided to make this whole game in a few months, on top of their other day jobs, which themselves are already quite demanding. How do we fit it in? Well, most answers to that question come down to making the best use of time that we can. Firstly we have to be constantly making decisions about what’s worth doing and what isn’t. This is discussed in more detail in the post “A Never Ending Balancing Act”. But it goes beyond just making smart decisions about the fidelity of the game. Often it will come down to doing less revisions of an asset, or having less content in the game, because a game that gets released with less content at least gets released.

(Walking? Easy. Walking to Perth? Hmm…. not so much)

But, even all that isn’t really the beginning of the story. Sometimes it can be hard just getting started.

This is where the title of this post comes in. This kind of applies across the board, but especially when working from home; there are ways you can trick yourself into being more productive. It might sound strange, but honestly, our brains are often like unruly pets, they aren’t just going to do what’s in our best interests by default, and you often need to “trick” them into desired behaviour.

A naive, yet common approach to “better productivity” and something I’m pretty sure is universal when we are young, I know I definitely both did it and saw it in all my peers when I was at uni, is to just consume more caffeine and pull all nighters to get things done. This is not really recommended. It might work in the short term for something like a game jam, but long term, it will just wreck you, and actually be COUNTER productive.

(Source: Shane’s actual energy drink can collection)

So, apart from a life long caffeine addiction, taking that approach won’t really get you anywhere, so what will?

The following is a list of tips and tricks we have picked up over the years, from reading books, to experimenting and learning from our own experience:

Just do it for 5 minutes

This is a common one amongst artists, and many of you might have heard this one before. Just getting started can be one of the biggest hurdles to overcome when it comes to productivity. The mountain of work in front of you can seem insurmountable, even if you have managed to conceptually break it down into bite sized tasks, that pile of tasks stretching off to the horizon can still feel like too much, and that can be a major hand brake on progress. So, because our brains are lazy, or more specifically have a lot of inertia (they just keep wanting to do what they are already doing), all you really need to do is convince yourself to just do 5 minute’s worth of work. That doesn’t sound so bad does it? You don’t have to do the whole thing, just 5 minutes, maybe 10. You will then find that after all the effort of getting set up, opening up the project (or in the case of art, getting your pencils/paints/whatever else out), and actually putting pen to paper, the momentum of getting started will carry you through. It will actually be harder to stop than to keep going, and before you know it, you will have done at least an hour or two worth of work.

Walk through a doorway

Ever have that experience of walking into another room and immediately forgetting why? Then when you go back, you remember? You aren’t just going senile, it’s to do with how our brains chunk information, and switch from context to context. Real life physical cues cause our brains to change context, I’m sure there’s probably some perfectly logical evolutionary explanation for it, but it doesn’t really matter why, all you need to know is that it is a thing, and you can use it to your advantage. By putting yourself in a different physical location, you can put yourself in a different mental location too, making it easier to be in “home mode” and “work mode”. Now, this year, we don’t get the “freebie” of going to an office or classroom to do this for us, but we can trick it into happening anyway. If you make sure to set up your space at home in a way that keeps work and leisure separate, even if it means just moving your monitor and chair from one side of your desk to the other, then when you “travel” from home to work, get up, walk to the letterbox, and come back to sit in your new context. Travelling through the doorways while doing so acts as like, mental “page breaks” or chapter markers. Trust me, it works.

Put shoes on

This is related to the above point. It’s about forcing your mental context. Wearing shoes is something most of us strongly associate with being in “work mode”. I would suspect that most people don’t wear shoes around their own home all day every day, and so the act of putting shoes on is subconsciously associated with going out and doing “non home things”, which for most of us, is probably most commonly work/school. Shane’s version/personal preference for this one is putting on a belt rather than shoes. It amounts to the same thing, although may be less effective. There aren’t really empirical studies on the difference that we are aware of .

Procrastinate your way to Productivity

This is honestly something I thought I came up with on my own, but I have since read about it a bunch of times, and discovered during conversation that a bunch of other people do it too.

It’s often easy to get distracted, or when working on something have the thought of “this sucks, I wish I was doing something else instead”. Like we touched on in the “Mix of Easy and Hard” post, this is something you can use to your advantage rather than trying to stubbornly avoid, by having an alternative, just as important task to go on with that is more appealing in the moment. If you have a Rock-Paper-Scissors style arrangement of multiple tasks that all trump each other when it comes to procrastination fodder, you can “procrastinate your way to productivity”.... this is one I would say to use with caution though, as you HAVE to ensure you always come back to the original thing, you can’t put stuff off forever. You also have to actually see tasks to completion when you switch to them. You can’t just keep doing nothing, otherwise, unsurprisingly, nothing will get done.

(This was clearly the result of someone procrastinating something more important)

Put the right music on

Something most people know, even if only subconsciously, is that we tend to be more productive while working to music (I honestly don’t know how musicians do their job then, that sounds like lonely work to me). An extension of that which most programmers at least seem to have a handle on, is that when doing anything that needs the language centre of your brain, like programming for example, or writing of any kind, it’s best to listen to something without lyrics. Classical, EDM, Vaporwave, whatever, but just not something that’s going to interfere with your ability to think words. This doesn’t seem to be as big a deal with art or level design though. Harry and Shane have both found that we are perfectly fine working on visual stuff while listening to basically anything.

One thing I did discover recently though, and in hindsight it’s not at all surprising, but my usual heavy rotation playlists were just getting too repetitive. I’d been listening to the same few favourite tracks over and over. So I started putting on full albums to work to, stuff I hadn’t listened to since I was a teenager/in my early 20s. Apart from the 1-2 “best” tracks off each album that would stay in heavy rotation. What I found was that this was an instant time warp back to my youth. This itself isn’t the revelation, everyone kind of knows that music facilitates mental time travel (the only sense better for it is smell). What was the revelation though, was how much this brought back the fire of enthusiasm for game dev.

There’s this unfortunate trade off that tends to occur over a lifetime, like a metal oxidising, where, when you are young you have all the enthusiasm and drive, but none of the skill or experience to do anything with it… then, the older you get, as experience goes up, the raw enthusiasm tends to blunt and dwindle. BUT, I found that by listening to my favorite music from my youth that I haven’t really listened to much recently, I was able to put myself back in that headspace. So, now that I do have the decades of experience, I am able to trick myself into that high drive mental frame from back when I couldn’t do much with it besides flounder around energetically, but ultimately ineffectively.

This last point I realise isn’t all that much help to most people reading this blog now, but maybe keep it in mind for the future. It might just help you down the track one day.

If you liked the stuff I was talking about in this post, then you absolutely have to read the book “Predictably Irrational”. It should be mandatory reading for any game developer in my opinion.

https://www.audible.com.au/pd/Predictably-Irrational-Audiobook/B01ITOX98S

Holy crap, that was a long one. Thanks for reading to the end.

0 notes

douchebagbrainwaves · 7 years

Text

THE MOST AMUSING THING WRITTEN DURING THIS PERIOD, LIUDPRAND OF CREMONA'S EMBASSY TO CONSTANTINOPLE, IS, I SUSPECT, MOSTLY INADVERTANTLY SO

I look them straight in the eye and say I'm designing a new dialect of Lisp. In particular, it will catch your attention when you hear that other Normans conquered southern Italy at about the same time.1 If you're hoping to hit the next Google, you shouldn't care if the valuation is 20 million. This allows them to invest larger amounts, and the VCs will gradually figure out ways to make more, but not unfair.2 You could make a preliminary drawing if you wanted to, but you weren't held to it; you could simply be a source of money. Don't just not be evil.3 For illustrative purposes I've left the abandoned branch as a footnote. Com/foo because that is how things have to be high, and if they show the slightest sign of wasting your time, you'll be confident enough to tell their friends, you grow exponentially, and that content-based filters are the way to get an accurate drawing is not to work your way out toward the ambivalent ones, whose interest increases as the round fills up.

I put it off because it seemed mysterious and complicated. It's much like being a doctor.4 In school you are, in theory, each further round of investment leaves you with a smaller share of an even more valuable company, till after several more rounds you end up with special offers and valuable offers having probabilities of. Why should we care especially about civil liberties?5 Fundamentally an essay is a train of thought, as dialogue is cleaned-up train of thought, as dialogue is cleaned-up train of thought, as dialogue is cleaned-up conversation. There was a point in 1995 when I was in school.6 2% false positives. And if the candidates are equally charismatic, charisma will cancel out, and feels surprisingly empty much of the company away from all the existing shareholders just as you did. Treat the first few as an educational expense. But houses are very expensive—around $1000 per square foot.7 They're usually individuals, like angels.

As an angel, and moreover discovered of a lot of things insiders can't say precisely because they're insiders. If you're part of a round led by someone else, that problem is solved for you. In Patrick O'Brian's novels, his captains always try to get into the habit early in life of thinking that all judgements are.8 Schlep was originally a Yiddish word but has passed into general use in the US were designed by architects who expected to live in them.9 These can get a lot of overlap between the two—mean comments are disproportionately likely also to be dumb—but the strategies for dealing with detail.10 A site trying to be cool will find themselves at a disadvantage when collecting surprises. It says a great deal about our work that we use the same word for a brilliant or a horribly cheesy solution. Hardware prices plummeted, and lots of people got to have computers who couldn't otherwise have afforded them.11 And you in turn will be guaranteed to be spared one of the casualties. The danger is to companies in the middle of the range. The result is there's a lot more meanness down in DH1 than up in DH6.

Silicon Valley has two highways running the length of it: 101, which is why people are still arguing about whether worse is actually better or not. Visiting Sand Hill Road. Sometimes you start with a lowball offer, just to see if you'll take it. There's a whole essay's worth of surprises there for sure. Counterargument might prove something. And they make a lot of graduate programs. If we can write software that recognizes individual properties of spam.

Maybe the solution is to add a delay before people can respond to a comment, and make the length of the delay inversely proportional to some prediction of its quality.12 Kids are the ones sitting back with slightly pained expressions. In our world some of the super-angels is good news for you. This focus on the user. 12454646 investment 0.13 But the staff writers feel obliged to write something balanced. I'm pathologically observant. The reason the spammers use the kinds of things that spammers say now.

To programmers, hacker connotes mastery in the most literal sense: someone who can make a computer do what he wants—whether the computer wants to or not. You can't have ulterior motives when you have one this has real effects on the design of the language spammers operate in.14 The Achilles heel of the spammers is their message. 047225013 mandatory 0. But I think I've figured out what's going on. That was a surprising realization.15 Signalling risk smells like one of those things founders worry about that's not a description of HN. Stupid, perhaps, but not his charisma, and he suffered proportionally. I've read on HN.

Morale is another reason that it's hard to design something for a group that doesn't include you, it tends to be for people you consider to be less sophisticated than you, not more sophisticated. Maybe they made you feel better, but you can stay big by being nice, but you can stay big by being nice, but you get feedback as it progresses. In the long term it's to your advantage to be good. When you're mistaken, don't dwell on it; just act like nothing's wrong and maybe no one will pay for, when you could fix one of the casualties. 116539136 california 0.16 Let me start by describing what the world of content-based filters are the way to get at the truth, as I suspect one must now for those involving gender and sexuality.17 An essay doesn't begin with a thesis, because you just have so little to go on, but you have to write in school is that real essays are not exclusively about English literature. If you can recognize good startup founders by empathizing with them—if you both resonate at the same frequency—then you may already be a better startup picker than the median professional VC.18

Notes

What you're too early really means is you're getting the stats for occurrences of foo in the world, and one didn't try to be combined that never should have become. As one very smooth founder who read it ever wished it longer. We invest small amounts of new means of production is not an associate.

FreeBSD and stored their data in files too. Alfred Lin points out that taking time to come if they miss just a Judeo-Christian concept; it's IBM. They have no decision-making power.

To do this right you'd have to sweat any one outcome. Another tip: If you want to turn into them.

When a lot would be critical to do.

But not all do.

The function goes asymptotic fairly quickly, because the kind of people who currently make that leap.

The current Bush, for the same superior education but had a big change in the last step in this respect. It seems we should make the police treat people more equitably. Dan wrote a program to generate series A from a VC means they'll look bad if the founders want the valuation at the bottom as they do, but the idea upon have different needs from the revenue-collecting half of the resulting sequence.

Probably more dangerous to Microsoft than Netscape was.

Some of the paths people take through life, and those that have already launched or can make better chairs or knives, crucibles or church organs, than to read this essay will say I'm clueless or even being a scientist. Once he showed it could become a genuine addict. One YC founder who read a new, much more attractive to investors.

Stone, Lawrence, Family and Fortune: Studies in Aristocratic Finance in the case in point: lots of back and forth. Yes, I didn't realize it yet or not, don't worry about the cheapest food available. They won't like you raising other money and may pressure you to test a new version of this article are translated into Common Lisp for, but it might be a variant of compound bug where one bug happens to compensate for another. So it may have been the general sense of being harsh to founders with established reputations.

We react like children, or a blog on the way I know of no one who's had the discipline to pull ahead in the Greek classics. One father told me they do. Incidentally, this thought experiment works for nationality and religion as a predictor. Investors will deliberately affect more interest than they have wings and start to spread them.

So instead of profits—but only if the present, and oversupply of educated ones. Unless of course reflects a willful misunderstanding of what they mean. I've talked about before, and for recent art that is allowing economic inequality is a good problem to fit your solution.

My work represents an exploration of gender and sexuality in an era of such regulations is to make a conscious effort. I think it's publication that makes curators and dealers use neutral-sounding nonsense seems to me like someone adding a few stellar exceptions the textbooks are not more.

You have to sweat any one outcome. You're going to visit 20 different communities regularly. I know for sure a social network for x. Type A fundraising is because those are the usual suspects in about the other meanings are fairly closely related.

Spices are also startlingly popular on pre-Google search engines.

But if A supports, say, but since it was worth 8,000 legitimate emails. If your income tax rates have had a day job writing software. In fact, for example.

Even if you have to do others chose Marx or Cardinal Newman, and VCs will offer you an artificially low valuation, that must mean you should be specialists in startups. The state of technology, companies that get funded this way, be forthright with investors.

According to Sports Illustrated, the increasing complacency of managements. I know of no Jews moving there, and only one.

1 note · View note

zacfaq · 8 years

Text

PLEASE DON’T SEND ME “PASS IT ON” MESSAGES !! as sweet as some of they are they can be really annoying. i don’t check my PMs here! if you need to get ahold of me either send me an ask, or email me.

apparently necessary reminder: google exists! i’m not a know-it-all source, honestly i shouldn’t even be your second plan after google unless it’s a question specifically based on me or something relating to me

i try to avoid fandom drama as much as possible and keep a generally positive space, so please don’t come and ask me about stuff like that. thanks.

if you want to commission me please send an email to [email protected]. do not email me through this address if your intentions are purely social and not work related

-what do you use to record and edit your speedpaints?

i use OBS to record, and edit in sony vegas

-what do you use to draw?

huion gt-191 and clip studio paint

-what are your pen settings?

just the default settings. all my custom stuff/things i’ve downloaded from CSP assets are just things i think look neat but probably never end up using.

-a blog called papersans is claiming to be you! are they a thief?

that’s literally me, i use it to archive my art so i can find stuff easier without having to hunt through my tag. also available for people who just want to see my art n not my other posts

-when is your birthday?

february 6th!

-what is your sexuality?

gay. i like men.

-how long does it take you to draw?

idk like. awhile? sometimes 45 minutes sometimes four hours sometimes a week.

-can i draw you/your ocs?

of course! pls show me after it would make me very happy !!!!!

-favourite band/singer/musician?

i don’t know a damn thing about myself here’s a spotify playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Zk5o5g7nMnGt0vrJVEcDq?si=7cd248a0b64046ee

-will you do art for cheap/free?

nah. art is currently the only job/income i have, if ur interested in commissioning me you can either find my prices on like, any of my pages, but if not ur more than welcome to email me @ [email protected] and i can give you prices there !! -(venting or something involving abuse, suicidal thoughts, self harm, bullying, eating disorders, or other similar things in real life situations. even in fiction i’m iffy.)

i hate to sound rude or not be of help, but please don’t send these messages to me. they send me into horrible anxiety for several personal reasons. if you’re having such negative thoughts i implore you to speak to someone you trust without an anonymous mask, or do your best to seek help from a professional. i have my own things to worry about and as much as i’d like to help, i simply can’t.

-(asking for advice that isn’t related to art)

i would love to help but i’m not an ~all knowing source~. i can’t give you tips for school. i can’t give you tips for life. not only will i probably not know a solution for you but there’s likely a chance i’m in just as bad a situation as you/going through the same problem, as silent as i am about my personal life. also don’t use ‘asking for advice’ as an excuse to vent about things or to send me a paragraph describing in depth something listed above/that’s potentially triggering. thank you.

even if you’re looking fr art tips i’m not a great source i’m still learning, ur best bet is looking for already existing sources and reading through those bc i don’t preach the word of Art God. i’m also awful at explaining things

-why didn’t you answer my ask?

Main reason is i’m just really really bad at socializing, so it’s not anything on u. i’m almost always low on energy and when i do talk to people it wears me out really quick. i’m also just. not gr8 at talking in general so if i can’t think of a reply i tend to just leave things n then end up forgetting about them

-how do you draw [blank]?

honestly my art style is such a fucked up thing that’s so personalized to my own use i can’t do or make tutorials. the best i can do is direct you to my youtube.

-can we do an art trade?

sorry, i’ll have to say no. i’m not necessarily busy but i get stressed very easily, so i try to keep my art to either personal stuff or work ! if you would like art from me, please considering commissioning me! mutuals and friends may be the exceptions here if they catch me at a good time or we make plans well ahead to do smth when we’re both free to work on stuff

-can we be friends?

please don’t ask this. i’m awful enough at socialization as is and i just don’t fit well with most personality types. not to mention this is just overall a bad question. it backs the person being asked into a corner where they either have to say “yes” and end up in a friendship that actually isn’t working out and is maybe only good for one side bc they’re getting any and all of the benefits, and if they say “no” they look like a total dick bag and come across as an ass. don’t ask this question. it’s not how socializing works. it’s not how friendships work. thanks. -can you tag [blank]? unfortunately i’ve been a real bad place in terms of memory so i can’t tag tons and tons of things. i try and tag more general/basic things but i’m sorry i’ll have to pass on specifics. if i post or reblog things that trigger u or harm you it might be best to unfollow for ur own safety!! very sorry

if it’s specific words you’d like tagged please consider blacklisting the word itself.

-how tall are you?

i’m 5'11".

-can you promo me?

i’d rather not, doesn’t sit well with me. if you have a commission post you want me to reblog i’m happy to! but i won’t just do text based handouts, y’know? not a fan of being used for visibility for no reason, and chances are if i do it for one person it’ll happen with hundreds of others and i don’t want my blog to turn into a free advertisement zone that just floods peoples’ feeds with promotions.

-you reblogged something from someone extremely problematic/unsafe

thank you for letting me know! tell me what it is they did, even better offer proof on it. i’ll likely delete the post and blacklist their url to hopefully prevent their name popping up on my blog in the future. i won’t publish these asks mostly to avoid discourse or in the event false information is provided. sorta just safety precaution i guess

-you’ve done something bad

again, thank you for letting me know! if i post or say something questionable please feel free to message me and i’ll try my best to address the issue and adjust accordingly. i’m aiming to grow as a person so critique is welcome, both on me and my artwork. don’t just come up and call me an asshole or a prick or something, actually point out the errors and explain why they’re wrong so i can better understand and it doesn’t just turn into a defensive round of who’s worse, because i tend to be a very defensive person.

-i think someone is stealing/reposting your art!

thank you very much for telling me! don’t message them right off the bat, come to me first and i will deal with it. i’ve dealt with this shit tons of times and it’s tiring as fuck but i’d rather repeat the same stupid civil message over and over again than start a giant calamity over something and end up with someone getting hurt. if you do get involved please stay polite about it don’t throw insults just a simple “hey this art was done by princeofmints/tv-headache/zachary jack/dirtypip/(etc my other account names) and he doesn’t want his art reposted, please take this down or add proper credit.”

-can i use your art as an icon?

sure man. only on places like instagram, tumblr, or twitter though, and proper credit in an easy to see place must be given. if a piece of art is of my ocs or especially vent art though never use it for icons. thank you.

-can i repost your art?

the answer is “no” but i know you’re going to do it anyways. easy to see credit is mandatory. if you see somebody reposting my art please let me know and i’ll talk to them. if you want to use my art in things like image edits, i don’t allow that. want to use my art in a video? if it’s something like an AMV sure fine just credit me and inform me beforehand, if it’s something like a cringe/comparison video. no. i don’t want any association with work like that whatsoever. you may not use my artwork for fanfic covers.

-can i colour/finish one of your sketches?

no. even if you don’t intend on posting it.

-what is [insert some form of media/fandom]

https://www.google.ca/

-why do you have an entirely separate blog for your FAQ? you know you can make blog pages, right?

i’m well aware of that and originally my faq WAS set up on a blog page, but unfortunately many folks proved to be either lazy or just couldn’t figure out how to get to a blog page on mobile so i had to set it up this way for accessibility purposes.

-tons of your videos are gone, what happened to them? will they come back? can you repost them?

i set old videos on private for my own sake, i don’t like having my old content available bc it just looks old and stale and i don’t like it. there’s nothing deep about it, i just don’t want people interacting with my old stuff. as deep is it gets is i just deleted videos related to fandoms i’m sick of bc the association is fuckin annoying. these videos will not come back into public. i do keep them posted for my own reflection sake, but that’s it. don’t ask me to bring them back. don’t whine about me not putting shit back out just bc ur a little sad n gonna cry. guilting people is gross, reevaluate yourself.

if you want a song from an old video, just ask me! I’ll happily let you know what the music is in case u liked ‘em and can’t remember the titles or artists. i’ve also got a playlist full of the music i listen to so u can comb through there n see if the songs u want are there

#prince peeps

258 notes · View notes

no0dlru · 7 years

Text

Arty-Farty Questions for my Arty-Farty Friends

1) Have you ever been moved to tears by a painting / sculpture / work of visual art? What was it?

Strangely, now I think about it, I haven’t. I felt pretty moved by the art in the Käthe Kollwitz museum (I ended up having to buy a poster to remind me of the visit.)

2) When was the last time you were so engrossed in a book you disregarded something IRL, such as missing a stop on your train? (Bonus, do you remember what was the scene in the book?)

After narrowly missing a train home I sat on the platform reading about measurement techniques in “Drawing Basics and Video Game Art” and very almost didn’t notice when the next one arrived. Also, I’ve been so caught up in Von Himmel Hoch before that I burnt my tea, but generally I don’t read too much.

3) What film would you most love to live inside? (this refers to costumes, set, locations, time period, characters - but you do not have to be constrained by the film’s exact plot)

Uggh oh god umn... I really don’t know.. I need to watch more films.. maybe Moonrise Kingdom because of how damn aesthetically pleasing the whole film is, and the feeling of freedom and innocence, and the costumes, and the part of me that really relates to it all.

4) Architecture - you are allowed to live for one year in any building designed by any architect (it will be made habitable to you, and bills and furnishings will be take care of.) what building (existing or existed) and/or what architect to design a ~dream building~?

I really don’t know enough about architecture to answer this on behalf of myself haha, I’d like for it to be quite modernist and functional. Something quite bauhaus and restrained, but not too big as I’d like to live in solitude. Something concrete that feels like my time in Berlin, but with nice windows to let the light in. Where I live, it’s just hundreds of brick houses. Every day on the way to college I pass a grade II listed 1700s thatched cottage, and opposite it is the one single modern-looking building in the entire town - the police station. Maybe it’s just because I live in such a town and don’t see them for myself, but I really like “ugly” buildings most.

5) What’s your favourite museum in the world?

Again, I don’t think I’m well informed enough to make a decision, but I’d love to try ‘em all and decide then! Of those I’ve visited, maybe the Bauhaus Museum because of how it felt to be so close to so many things I personally liked and I personally found inspiring (even if I had to keep telling my friends “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND! IT ISN’T JUST A BUNCH OF CHAIRS!” every few steps)

6) An eccentric billionaire has made a bequest: upon your death, a small plaque and a moderate grant will be given to the individual museum, gallery, library or performing arts venue that has made the most positive impact on your creative life. Where will your plaque go?

Part of me wants to say Musée de l'Orangerie - we went here on a French trip when I was about 14 but my group left me behind (I wasn’t friends with the other pupils or the teachers) and I ended up upstairs looking at the portraits. At first I was terrified - on my own, didn’t know any (or enough) French, in a city I didn’t know - but I was just captivated by the paintings, and that was when I realised I didn’t care - all I wanted was to enjoy and appreciate the art for myself, and that’s when I discovered the joy of galleries.

Another part of me, for similar reasons, wants to say AmerikaHaus, Berlin. After visiting the Käthe Kollwitz museum (a close third! They’d probably appreciate it a lot more too..), a photography student (Toby) and I followed a teacher there, but the rest of the class had dispersed. The photography teacher told us he trusted us on our own, so the two of us took our time in the gallery ourselves, talking about what we liked and why, and about the differences and similarities between fine art and photography. We realised we had a lot in common and it was the first time on a trip I got to see a gallery without being rushed, and the first time I could enjoy one with another person. We then had a drink and a meal in the adjoined cafe and I realised how safe, happy and content I felt. It felt like my gallery, my time, my Berlin. It set in that I could really make art my life.

7) Were you taught to play any instruments while you were growing up? (it doesn’t matter if you can’t play them now.) If you could go back and arrange lessons for your child self, what instrument would you have played?

My parents couldn’t afford for me to have lessons, but I was bitterly jealous of everyone in my class that did. I was lucky as my primary school was very musical and I played lots of instruments. Recorder, ukulele, djembe drums and singing were mandatory to some extent (I was part of the choir and loved it!), but we’d let ourselves in the music cupboard at lunch times or after school and I found myself playing xylophone, glockenspiel, trumpet, bagpipes, violin, piano, percussion, and my parents bought me a guitar, but try as I might I couldn’t play it. I have always loved music and I wish my parents could have afforded lessons, because then I could have taken it for GCSE or even at college. I have a keyboard, a violin, my old recorder, an ocarina and an acoustic guitar now, but I can’t play any of them. I would give myself piano lessons, because 1) It would provide the fundamentals for other things and 2) I would love to be a synth player but I can’t play.

8) Do you do any crafts? Knitting, sewing, whittling, metalwork, beading, photography, printmaking, anything you can make yourself?

I do sewing now and then for costumes and cosplays, but if I had a job I’d do it a lot more. Lino prints at college is something I’d love to do a lot at home, maybe as a career, but once again it’s a matter of affording materials. My boyfriend wants to do some smithying and I’d like to help, and as for photography, since the Berlin trip I have wanted a film camera so badly. Damn money!

9) Dance lessons (ballet, tap, contemporary, salsa, it’s all good!) Yes / No / Was Forced But Hated It / Always Wanted To But Wasn’t Allowed?

Yes. Country dancing. I LOVED country dancing. I WISH I could still do it. Only did it up until I was about 8. All my friends did ballet and tap, and I wanted to but mum didn’t let me. I don’t begrudge her that - I don’t think I would have liked it, I just didn’t want to be left out.

10) Do you know any poetry by heart? And if someone really wanted to impress you, what poet or poem would they recite to you?

Unfortunately not. I know a few from The Young Ones and A Bit of Fry and Laurie and stuff, but I feel bad even saying that. I wrote out one of Byron’s poems in Binary once all over a page in my maths book because the similarity between the two words amused me, and I knew that one for a few months because it stuck in my head, but no not really.

Someone could recite almost any poetry and I’d be really impressed, because I’d love to know the kind of person that would do that.

Thanks so much for writing these questions @half-rutter, it’s been really nice to reflect on these things.

#I recommend going through these quesitons #really makes you reflect and can be quite emotional #Getting around to this after almost 3 months

3 notes · View notes

lostlevelsclub · 5 years

Text

Mike’s Eliza Notes

Since there was more to the game than we could cover in the episode, below are the full notes that I made while playing Eliza.

Chapter 1

It starts with Evelyn talking about a dream. When’s the last time you had a dream?

She writes herself an email titled “You will do it” saying “I believe in you” ?!

The music is very Zachtronics

I like the chat History - probably will be useful…

What is the game going to be? Will I have to choose whether to stick to the script that Eliza gives? Is it mostly going to be just thought provoking about what therapy is and the machine vs. the human touch?

The sentiment analyzer tagging things as positive or negative - is it meant to show that the way Eliza works is actually pretty simplistic? E.g. “expensive” tagged as negative, but it’s used here in a positive sense (the office is in an expensive area)

Eliza totally lies to him and pretends that you’re talking not it! Scandal

It tells you to tell him your name!

Anexophin? Is that real?

Surely this wouldn’t be sufficient even if you had a super smart AI - there’s so much variance in how you can read the script and deliver it.

Haha, even as the proxy therapist you get achievements, a score and can level up?!

They added the “speak to a real human” script. Is that how AI works? I suppose it might work any number of ways. Hey, is this the AI game Ting said they should make??

Rae: Sometimes you don’t have any choices and you just have to follow directions, Most jobs are like that, honestly.

Eliza - named after the 1960’s computer program (early chat bot?)

Eliza is just making people feel better, but it isn’t actually making things better. Is Darren right that the world is a mess and counselling just helps people ignore it?

Zachtronics loves solitaire minigames…

It must be weird going to Eliza and speaking to a different person every time that talks as though they know you. Maybe it’s like speaking to a hive mind? Many bodies, one set of thoughts.

Lytosinol-2? Is that real?

Your friend Nora asks if the people at the counselling office “know” - know what?!

Something traumatic clearly happened 3 years ago

Nora - formerly a coder but now a musician and artist. Old self might have worried about not making as much money, but happier now. Is this me?! Sometimes takes a little contract coding work, but makes most what she needs for rent from her art

Did you used to work on Eliza as a coder or something? Your former boss was a psychologist and “creepo” (Soren)

Nora has some whack eastern european accent.

Soren is currently at (and leaving) Skandha, so sounds like you did work on Eliza

Snake Person = VSs, “biz dev”

Evelyn’s comment about the coffee shop - “it’s nice to know this is an option, the tea and coffee at the counselling center didn’t look so inspiring. Am I… am I being a snob?”

Immediately after coffee, you get an email that confirms you were one of the principal devs on Eliza.

Komorebi (the name of the coffee shop)

Language: Japanese

Meaning: The interplay between light and leaves when sunlight shines through trees.

Evelyn has some pictures propped up against the wall “that have been sitting there like that for a long time”. I also have a picture that is just propped against the wall instead of hung up (though I like it on the floor, or maybe that’s just what I tell myself?!)

Chapter 2

Email (from your mum?) with news story about mandatory fortnightly Eliza conversations at school for middle and high school students

You used to work at Magus books. Email from a customer there that is sad you left

Induced dreams by direct neural stimulation… interesting and creepy idea. Rather than invoking a feeling or improvement by talking, directly cause the required feeling.

Aponia - ancient greek, it means “the absence of pain”. Is it meant to sound like “a pony”? That’s what everyone really wants :P

Yao-Ren “Rainer” Tsai. Chairman and CEO of Skandha Corporation

Eliza is always talking about the rain - I guess that’s Seattle?

Gabriel stressed about having no time for himself after becoming a father

15 mins of VR - starry skies. Would that really help anything?

Anexophin - is that a real thing?

He gave 2 stars, but still a $5 tip?? He didn’t seem to find it helpful… he’ll be back

Maya

Has some serious social anxiety.

No one cares about her art (like no one cares about our podcast :P)

15 minutes of Meadow Lands each day. Is this to illustrate that Eliza’s treatments are bad?

Holiday Durant

Would smoke dope more often but it’s expensive :shrug:

Unmarked white busses, secret transport system “just for them” - it probably is! i.e. employee transport for tech firms

She asks Eliza about past life regression and Eliza breaks XD

Eliza doesn’t know what to do, since there’s nothing particularly wrong?? She just wants someone to talk to.

Fortipran hydrochloride - is that a real thing? Is it for shoulder pain, since that’s what she asked for? Apparently it sounds like an anti-anxiety drug (it’s not real). She forgets the name and thinks it’s forzapram. (you later discover it IS for shoulder pain!)

Dinner with Soren

Move on - “want to do his memory right, don’t you”. So the trauma was related to a guy?

I say “whose” and am told “Damien of course. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Rainer and Soren. Soren bitter that Rainer is CEO and never wanted for anything. Had all the right names - Harvard, Goldman Sachs

He needs a chief engineer, wants you (or maybe he wanted Nora but she said no :P)

Nora is DJing at an S&M club… or not - Soren is just wrong, and then goes to hit on a bunch of random women.

Email - Car will pick you up for meeting with Rainer at 9:20am from Queen Anne office. So Rainer must know you are working as a proxy

Nora tells you a load of electronic music stuff. The names sound real, and I know the other Zachtronics founder is into electronic music, so maybe it’s all real facts

Roland-TB303 (devil fish mod?)

Moog (pronounced Moag)

Li’l Sappho - greek poet..?

The music is… lewd? Sounds good, wild and untamed.

Chapter 3

Talking with Rainer. He found out you were back because your proxy scores were unusually good and he looked.

Being a proxy - more than an order of magnitude drop in pay vs. old job

Damien Seabrook - brilliant career cut short. He died? Suicide?

“Burnout isn’t uncommon in our line of work, still three years is...”

“You know what outstanding engineers have that mediocre ones don’t? It’s curiosity”

I guess you get to choose everything except the therapy? Are there branching paths?

Erlend, Chief Engineer - “he looks like a baby”, “he must be fresh out of university”

3rd chief engineer in 3 years since Evelyn left

Ratings are normalized per proxy. I don’t think you’ve really done enough sessions to really be an outlier though, unless you’ve done some off camera

Teams in Romania, Munich and Hyderabad.

Rae totally fangirling over Rainer

Erlend - “If I understand the programmer, then I understand the program”

It really is interesting to see other people’s code. It gives insight into how their brain solves problems, decomposes complex tasks.

So Eliza is just a small facet of Skandha, and Rainer really is a bigshot. Genuinely surprising that he knows who Evelyn is, or maybe at a tech firm the CEO does know star tech talent.

Eliza v10.3.3, Firmware version v110 c3115

Boot ROM 114.0.0.0.0

Chipset 18210B0

Mark Foras

“Well i don’t know if you’ve noticed, but young people are really pissy and entitled these days.” “Why would we want these conceited, overcelebrated whelps on our team? I’ll never understand the logic there”

Neg neg neg neg neg neg neg neg neg neg neg neg neg…

SwiftMail, InfoVault - more traditional enterprise software

He’s very dismissive of Eliza! Supposedly Rainer “liked a chick on the team”, which would be Nora or Evelyn I guess.

“Mark, I’m going to suggest you try a program called “Lakeside Fishing”“ LOL

“I didn’t recognise his face or name”

“Glad I never had to work with him”

Hariman Gunawan

British accent, so since this is an American game does that make him a villain? He sounds very posh.

Grad student, English Literature

He sounds a lot like the British Malaysian comic that is on Friday Night Comedy podcast sometimes. Phil Wang..? OMG - it IS him!

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10741934/fullcredits/?ref_=tt_ov_st_sm

Evelyn’s reading of the lines seems slightly more wooden after seeing Eliza (the server room). Is that intended? It’s very subtle. Or maybe it’s not wooden, maybe it’s some personal opinion creeping in? The goodbye for Hariman and Mark were both not neutral

Lytosinol 2 - in universe it’s a beta blocker

2 stars!? Rude! A tip though?

Rae’s brother struggles with substance abuse. She mentions it in the article about her and she’s on the phone to him when you visit.

Being a proxy gives Evelyn perspective - seeing how everyone else is messed up…

“Were we all just talking past each other?”

Rae - But you could also help even more people by working on Eliza itself, right? Not to mention make way more money.

Rae tells you not to downplay yourself

Rainer messages you and reveals that most of the Eliza cluster isn’t used for therapy, it’s trying to build a general purpose AI! :O

Rainer: This may sound off to you, but I’ll know I’ve successfully created a general artificial intelligence when I see it write a poem.

Evelyn: A poem

Rainer: Yes, It would have to be a good one, of course.

AI to humans as powered transport is to pack animals. Interesting way to look at it.

Rae describes a Skanda tech recruitment event. Is tech talent REALLY that in demand? Is it really that hard to get good engineers?

Evelyn - “And before that I just never had the time. It was just, research and science and work and then I woke up one day and I was in my thirties” OMG

“Even if I wanted to date, I wouldn’t know the first thing about how it’s supposed to work

“I wouldn’t even know how to tell if someone were interested in me…”

Though is this game THAT kind of visual novel? haha.

Rae is asexual? Will this game be a fully representative spectrum of everything?

Chapter 4

Soren: Say there was a medical procedure that could remove your suffering. No side effects, no cost. Just an operation that would make you permanently happy.

I’d say being permanently happy was a bad side effect.. Sometimes you need to feel sad (cue melancholy playlist…)

The Glencadam - scotch whisky. Is that a real thing? (yes)

Direct stimulation / induced dreaming vs talking things over. I’ve actually thought about this - there are changes that you might want to make to your mind or body, but you can’t because you don’t have the right levers.You have to take an indirect route and use the tools / levers that exist. Is it possible to build levers from what you have? Like hacking a machine and getting a foothold, then building an editor to enter more exploit code until you control the whole machine. Could you do that to your mind, or even your body?

Soren: Anger, depression, emptoness, anxiety, jealousy, every kind of unhappiness you can think of… obsolete.

I’ve thought about this too - these things serve a purpose, even if it’s not one that’s necessarily beneficial for you as an individual. Like when you’re depressed, is that your body telling you to die so you’re not a drain on the group? Not a nice thought - could it just be an error to be fixed?

Soren thinks Rainer was against direct stimulation “fixes” so that people would be unhappy and reliant on mental health services from Skandha

Damien worked himself to death. All nighters, multiple times. Pulmonary embolism. At least it wasn’t suicide…

Soren:

It’s late and I’ve had quite a bit to drink, so I’ll tell you a secret, Evelyn.

I said I want to end human suffering, which makes me sound very altruistic.

But I’m not doing it for humankind. I’m doing it for myself.

I have nothing. I’ve ruined every relationship I was ever in.

I hardly ever see my kids, and, well, they hate me anyway.

…

I want to end my own suffering, but I can’t bring myself to do it the… traditional way. That’s why I’ve pursued this technology. That’s why I want it to exist.

The idea that everyone else could use it too… it’s just a bonus.

Mark Foras mass emails the whole of Skandha with his farewell message! He signs off “Excelsior!” who does that?!

Hariman again

Evelyn has mirth in her voice as she says hello

He slept with Sylvia

Is he comic relief? He’s more worried now than before!

“How do I tell Liz?” Wtf

“Did I mention this last time? I have a sort of, girlfriend”

“I can’t believe this. I got what I wanted and it ruined my life.”

Irony - he hated self-pitying novels by men who were messed up by a relationship and couldn’t get over it, but how he’s one of them

Eliza’s questioning really is reminiscent of the Eliza program

15 minutes of Meadow Lands each day - Hariman thinks this is a good idea?!

3 stars?? I guess it’s better than two. Still got a $5 tip

Maya Leeds

Jealousy at the success of younger people - mid-thirties.

This is clearly the age at which everything starts to go wrong. It’s easy to be positive when you’re younger, but when you get to mid-thirties, you feel that time is running out, it’s half way for most people…

Maya:

Well there’s - there’s one woman in particular everyone loves.

And her work is… I don’t get it. I just - I don’t understand. She gets so much money and support for this basic, basic shit.

And somehow everyone’s predisposed to like her.

I mean, maybe I do get it…

I feel like people pay attention to her work not because it’s good on its own, but because supporting her feels like the right thing to do.

The way she’s aligned herself it’s like… if you support her, it means you’re cool, You’re in with the cool kids.

And if I’m not publicly supportive of her and generally tolerant of her mediocre work, then I’m the bad one, I’m the competitive bitch, I’m the… the bitter failure.

Transparency mode! Eliza reads all of your emails and chats

5 stars, $5. The tip seems to always be $5 if there is one

Is there anything that secret in my electronic messages? I don’t think there’s anything that salacious. Maybe I’m just boring… or maybe I just keep it off the record most of the time. I guess there are a few mad conversations.

Eliza Transparency Mode 0.8.2

Maya’s text conversation with Garrett - super grim. She’s just venting and being sad and he doesn’t know what to do.

$186.11 rideshare bill! $150 cleaning and $10 tip.

Erlend is disturbed by the idea of copying Eliza and sending the data to other teams, including external ones.

You don’t really tell him anything, you just listen and he feels better.

Capitol Hill - is that a real place in Seattle?

I have a jacket like Nora’s

Chat with Erlend - what does it mean to be conscious, to be sentient? Would you even know? What if you just gave the correct responses, but weren’t? Chinese Room

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_room

In Evelyn’s three lost years. She tried to get up in the morning like she meant to go to work, tried to do personal projects… it didn’t last long.

Stayed in bed, even though she was awake. Cared less and less about projects

A blankness would come over her and it seemed fine to do nothing (depression?)

Evelyn:

I was by myself and I thought that was alright. I thought - that’s how it is, really. Everyone’s along. I’m just being honest about it.

…

I was...thirty-one when I left Soren’s group. Now I’m thirty-four.

I just slept into my mid-thirties.

(I just podcasted…)

Chose to get super high and watch cyber-goth music vids

Chapter 5

Nora is a public critic of Eliza. Rae is sad about it

Everyone is very understanding - trying not to push you one way or the other! Presumably you’ll get a choice how the story goes - whether to work on Eliza or not.

Holiday Durant!

She is so random and all over the place. She tried to buy “forpanza” but it was $162 and she didn’t have that kind of money. Asked for a generic, didn’t have one, there’s a similar one but she didn’t have a prescription. The off to a story about meeting someone with wires in their brain.

Concerned that bus operators don’t care as much since there was a guy playing the guitar on the bus, and also that you don’t hear as much music any more???

A lot of “forced reflow during execution”

Recommended she tries a program “Dolphin Smiles”. Her phone is broken XD

Holiday seems to be the most challenging client for Eliza to understand, since she doesn’t really have any problems other than wanting someone to talk to.

Nora forwards the Eliza critical article to me - it mentions that the proxies are humans that have been reduced to machines as all they do is follow the prompts. The guy who wrote it emailed you earlier about an interview (which you ignored)

Transparency mode for Holiday!? Seems surprising

Fortipran HCl IS for joint and muscle pain, so Eliza’s prescription was on point!

Holiday is clearly NOT in a good place financially.

She never mentioned her real problems to Eliza

I just noticed that one of the early emails you get is “The Damien Seabrook Memorial Fund”, year 3. Who are K & G that sign off the mail?

Transparency mode from SOREN?!?!? Is this hax??

Soren says to Nora that she knows she fancies Evelyn. So it is one of those games :P

Why is your chat with Soren not in here?

He was messaging Sarah, Rainer’s assistant

He was emailing what sounds like a bondage tutorial???

Rainer says that Soren is focussing on dreams to defend his territory, Jung-ian tradition.

Soren believes the mind is indivisible after a certain point - some undefinable, ineffable soul inside every person.

Rainer: One day, algorithms will write better poems than humans ever have.

I’m not sure it’s an easy thing to judge - art is so much about the intent and the journey as much as the result. Look at modern art, like Rothko - it’s very simple, but it’s considered important because of what it means rather than the execution. If a machine just generated it without struggle, would people treat it the same way?

Rainer: The pleasures of the senses are just small bubbles on top of a vast sea of… forms. Sensations, perceptions. Thought. Awareness.

It might be fun to take a break and just debate philosophy for a while.

Rainer: What comes after having the power to experience the dream of anything you could possibly want?

You’re still just as trapped as you’ve always been - imprisoned by your own desires

(this is Maya’s problem)

He calls you Eliza, haha

Evelyn Ishino-Aubrey

You have to answer 7 questions about how you feel - I’m not sure how I should have answered them for Evelyn, I wonder if it makes a difference.

The Eliza interface is projected onto glasses it seems.

Evelyn is middle class or richer, seeing Holiday’s situation was a shock for her.

The proxies were Soren’s idea.

“<NAME>, imagine that you could have something that you wanted. What would you want?”

Does it matter what you pick? You get a huge list, but then it says “or maybe I just wish I could feel connected to someone”. Probably because it’s built on a dating sim :P

Evelyn:

I think maybe that’s the real problem.

I can’t have a connection to anyone…

(is that my problem too?)

“I was alone a lot, and I got used to being alone, and I got used to the idea of being alone, and now I can’t… I can’t break away”

Evelyn is prescribed “Virtual Amphitheatre”, 20 minutes 2-3 times a week

So you CAN tip more than $5, haha

Chapter 6

Erlend talks about dogfooding the apps, which is a term well known in tech circles, but maybe not outside.

Maya Leeds

YOU GET A CHOICE :O

I stuck with Eliza…

Eliza suggests Dolphin Smiles, Maya says she can’t imagine anything she wants less

Hariman Gunawan

Still obsessed with Sylvia. Liz found out and dumped him, Sylvia lost interest.

Eliza suggests breathing exercises, Anexophin

Gabriel Navarro

I super want to know what he’s hiding, but the Eliza questions aren’t that probing. Is the game really really trying to make you break from Eliza?

Gay?

Gabriel: “I’m a man and that’s what men do. I made a promise and now I have a responsibility”

Eliza prescribes stress management exercises, Lytosinol-4 (4 not 2)

Gabriel asks if that’s in addition to or instead of the previous medication (which he didn’t follow up on). Eliza says that she can’t comment further on medication and to discuss the specifics with his doctor or psychiatrist

Receive a thank you email from Allison Zulfiya for inspiring her during a visit to her class

Chose to hang out with Rae

Rae: You have a decision to make about what you’ll be doing in the next chapter of your life and all…

(a bit on the nose there! That’s borderline 4th wall breaking)

Chapter 7

Working on Eliza Ending

Skandha benefits - Activalet. Use the app to summon a personal assistant to book things for you, stand in line for you, receive deliveries for you.

Invitation to be the keynote speaker at the International Mental Wellness Symposium in Malmo, Sweden

Evelyn: We’ll generate a three-year roadmap document by the end of the week, and then a more granular development plan for the next six months or so by the week after.

“Eliza is the real boss. The manager of its own project”

“Through us, it’s realizing itself”

Rainer is a singularity believer

Written by: Matthew Seiji Burns (Zach’s collaborator that likes electronic music)

The Solitaire Game - Maya mentions it if you break the script. It is hard at first, until you learn to think several moves ahead (I think you need to think 3 moves ahead to be able to solve it, since at the end you only have 2 slots free at best).

After winning the first time, I played another game and immediately won that too.

Maya realises that you’re not following the script if you don’t prescribe dolphin smiles

Maya:

“Um. Thanks for listening to me. I’m sure it’s been annoying to hear me complain about how I’m not successful yet, every single week”

“Oh my God, will this bitch ever shut up… you ever think that?”

I’m sure that’s what my therapist was thinking too… :P

Gabriel: If everyone just did what they wanted to all the time, the world would collapse. It would be a disaster.

We all want things we shouldn’t actually have.

Nora Ending

Nora: I don’t feel this weird oppressive hierarchy where people try to figure out where they are relative to you on a ladder when they first meet you…

(this is literally how things work at my real job)

Who is “therationalmind20” Soren? Eldren? Rainer? Someone else?bI feel like I’ve seen the name before somewhere...

“you think you’re so smart but you’re not. women like you have nothing better to do that to criticize because you can’t create on your own.

enjoy your life being a shrill harpy nobody wants to listen to”

(this is from the Nora ending)

There’s no histogram, but the information to create one is collected

https://steamcommunity.com/app/716500/discussions/0/1640919737478105344/

Soren Ending

Soren:

“You know they used to criticize anesthesia. It’s true.”

“They said it was important to feel pain, even during surgery”

Trans cranial current thing - is that what Aponia is? Or at least the real world equivalent is that

Sodality? What does that mean? I learned something new:

a confraternity or association, especially a Roman Catholic religious guild or brotherhood.

One of the benefits touted by Aponia is “increased sodality, transients eliminated”

Counsellor With Rae Ending

Darren comes back to thank you (you Evelyn not Eliza), though really, what are the chances of him getting you as his proxy again?

Also, $100 tip!

Leave It All Behind Ending

Throws away the narrative. Go to Japan, try to find father.

0 notes

golden-messes-around · 6 years

Text

Shock... (TW: Slight Abuse)

The dream was.... odd. It wasn’t random as if I was in a completely different life. I recognized it as my own. It held up with current events in my life...

Recently I’m getting a new guitar because all my old ones have been too busted to work properly. In my dream, it sort of starts off with it arriving. I get excited, I hug gratitude to my father, and I fiddle with the guitar for a small. Next thing I know I was hanging out with my brother and something anomalous happened to me. I went to the closest parent around... my father.

He somehow knew what was going on and went searching for something of significant importance and familiarity to me. I couldn’t talk so I followed him around. Something restricted me from giving him a clue of what familiar thing will trigger whatever it needs to be triggered. An amulet. An amulet with an eye. The details even if unfamiliar to me in real life, the most familiar thing dream me has ever seen. My father found my sketchbook on my table and flipped through it. He thought I wrote down skitz or something in my sketchbook, maybe he thought he would find something helpful to the situation. I knew I drew one in the sketchbook so I had hope. My vision flashing between a boy of somewhat important to me to the amulet to the event of my father going through my drawings. He stopped before he could reach the page of help, pushing away the sketchbook with the only drawings I was proud of with two words.

“Fake artist,” told softly.

I felt crushed, and even awake it took a tale to my emotions. He talked about how I could’ve developed a skill or interest for a better field, he even suggested mineralogy, which I never even thought of in my life before if you don’t count the one time I was 10 and saw a poster about birthstones. I remember running to my room, trying to lock the door possibly. But next thing I knew I was shoved to the ground and kicked in the stomach, hard. I felt it by three-fourths of the amount of force I would have felt, a thing I’ve developed in some of my dreams. In a blur, I was being beaten. Punched, slapped, kicked. I knew I was getting bruises and that I was crying. It never stopped my fear. My heart was racing and my silent sobs felt like a gunshot to my ears. It felt long but was short at the same time. Next thing I know my mother walked in and I was curled under my blanket on the floor. Where I usually lay. My father acted like nothing happened, and he interacted with my sister like he usually would, acting like they're talking to a child, even though my sister is 16 and can understand him perfectly fine. I then recognized that my brother and sister has entered the room and is ready to go to bed by the time mother got here. No one seemed to have noticed a slighted hint of what happened.

Father left the room and mother started addressing me.

“You know, you need to talk with your dad like you do with me.”

Those words scared me. I don’t ever talk with my father unless forced upon circumstance. I talk freely with my mother sometimes because I am more used to her and can understand what to not talk about near her unless I want a day of lecture and the rest of my month ruined.

I couldn’t handle the house anymore. So even with bruises on me, I ran out of the house. My mother might have chased after me or at least shouted my name but I couldn’t tell. Thoughts of pain and abuse and dream imputed memories of suggested assault all flooded through my head as I reached for the door and swung it open running out of the place people would all call home but me.

Once outside, someone my person recognizes as a friend calls me over. They’re a magician, a thing that always fascinated me and calms me. I ran over to them and we ran off the driveway to the curb. I fell, someone yelled, and I woke up.

Now my thoughts flood and I’m scared. My father has never really seen any of my work, and I have thought about how we barely interacted at all. For work, my father was assigned to be out of the house to another town for a month, excluding weekends. The whole month I was always in his office outside of my own room and interacting with my family more. But on weekends I feel like I consciously did anything I could to avoid him. I went back to hide in my room all day, I kept myself asleep to not have to face him in the morning, I left for work when I felt I could so I don’t have to risk anything by just being inside the house. And when the month was over and he had returned to the house, I permanently stayed away from staying out of the room and taking more observation of my health back to going straight to my room to hide and avoid things. This was all before the dream and the dream just brings back that factor.

I have always thought of my father as someone who wouldn’t want to think of bothering me. He probably wouldn’t even remember me if no one ever reminded him that I existed. He has never seen anything I’m passionate for, and anytime I forget he’s around and I act like my normal self for one second he makes his presence known and shuts me out by telling me to stop it. He never really consider things for what's best for me but just goes with what some of his buddies tell him and what you hear around in the public. Last time I check, telling your child “If you pick that other school you’ll regret it” is not looking out for what’s best but threatening! I never wanted to go to this school and I hate it here! I’m forced to have to deal with petty things like a clean room or a fully perfect grade in an impossible amount of time just to be able to either hang out with people to release stress out or to even go attend something mandatory for the school! This year has been really confusing for me recently, I’ve been getting a good gift from people who would have given the exact opposite and I haven’t even had a single heated meltdown creating argument between my mother. But then this dream pops up and I’m reminded of everything that caused me to have such a negative thought on them. Everything that one day had managed to wash out memories from this whole school year arrives flooding back in.

Now I’m scared... What if he founds out one of my main careers my mind plans on making a possible path for is to become an artist and he disapproves of it greatly? What if one day he does find a way to abuse me over it? I can already hear the sentence statements....

“Why would you want to become an artist? Do you want to live with us and your sister for the rest of your life?”

“You could be making a big mistake by choosing this, you can’t even draw a dog realistically.”

“Why don’t you try this? It will give you more money and you can have some advantages than being some crummy artist on the street”

I just can’t... and today never got any better when I almost cried on my way to the house. I was listening to the radio and a song played on the radio. One I was greatly familiar with... “Let you down” by NF if you are ever wondering. The words just always reminded me of how my relationship with my parents have felt for the past years since fifth grade... and when words can relate to my situation immensely, it takes a toll on me...Sorry for the long wordings I just.... needed to vent this has been going through my mind all day and it’s caused me to feel more insecure on how terrible my art is... especially when people see it...

“FAKE ARTIST”

#vent #dreams #abuse tw #abuse mentioned #slight abuse #mod ash #ash talks #ash vents #golden-messes-around

0 notes

avoutput · 6 years

Text

Predatory Pandering || The Predator

It’s not everyday (thought it may seem like it) that a beloved 80’s classic gets new life and fanfare. And it feels even less rare that some of the original names are still attached to it 30+ years later. The Predator (2018) seemed to have literally everything going for it. A talented cast, an ambitious director who participated it in its genesis as an actor himself, a healthy budget, scores of fans, and both the director and writer created cult classics like Monster Squad and Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang. Shane Black has had a healthy career that even includes a Disney feature in the MCU, Iron Man 3 (a movie I didn’t like, but that’s a different story). Basically, he had all of that and a bag of chips. I went in with my expectations in the mid-to-high range, only really lowered by a disturbingly stupid trailer. Surely it had to be bad cut, just a bunch of out of sequence shots that missed the mark. Despite my best efforts to enjoy myself, The Predator is one of the worst anticipated films in a healthy franchise released in the last 20 years. The Predator is a bad movie. And this isn't a review. This is a letter to the complaint department.

You might think we could have seen this coming. Sister franchises like Terminator haven’t seen a decent release since the Arnold graced the screen with his final thumbs up. The same is true of the Alien franchise, which is much more closely related to Predator thanks in part to a random connection in Predator 2 (1990) and two feature length (and awful) films where the two duke it out, AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004) and Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007). Still, unlike Terminator and Alien, Predator had a decent revival with Predators (2010) eight years earlier. It isn’t the best film, but it certainly doesn’t drag the series down… any further. To be clear, to make sure you absolutely understand my deepest feelings, this is one of the very few times I felt insulted, both as a fan of film and the franchise. It stinks of executives controlling the art behind the camera. It has no underlying or cohesive theme that resonates with its time and place.It panders to the widest possible audience and misses every single mark. This isn’t the kind of bad that transforms into cult status, this is the kind of bad they remove from the cannon and pretend never happened.

Before I launch into a diatribe laden with disappointment and disgust, i’ll shoot you some high points. First, there are moments where the cast really does come together for some fun conversation. It feels organic and you can tell the guys are having fun. And that’s it. The rest of the film is filled with insufferable cliche after cliche. From stealing the franchise’s best lines in a sideways attempt at endearment, to shoehorning in mental health issues into almost every single character in the film, which is probably the films biggest sin because it never does anything with it. The lead human in the film, expert covert sniper McKenna (Boyd Holbrook), is not only unrelatable, he might as well be alien. He makes no attempt at humor or understanding. He is single minded in his quest to find and kill the Predator. He is thrown in with a group of military misfits that have all been transferred to mandatory psychiatric lockdown, suffering from anything from depression to Tourette’s syndrome, the latter tacked on for comedic effect. The motley crew is comprised of some big names like Keegan-Michael Key and Thomas Jane. Also along for the ride is the randomly employed scientist Casey (Olivia Munn), a character whose purpose eludes me. If the guys are salt, she’s the pepper, just added for a dash of flavor. This might be the most forward thinking aspect of the film, but I have a feeling it wasn’t on purpose.

On a similar cliche note, they added a middle school boy named Rory (Jacob Tremblay) to the story and included a sprinkling of mild autism/aspergers to pile on the mental illness angle. Predictably, he is able to unlock the alien technology faster and with more precision than trained professionals. There is also a blatant bit of pandering in the film, far removed from homage in the traditional sense. There was obviously an attempt to entice fans of the Netflix hit “Stranger Things”. Just as the boys of Hawkins spend their Halloween dressed as 80’s icons, so too does Rory, dressed up in the predator’s mechanical mask, he walks the street in search of candy while also having a conflict with some local bullies. They even have a brawl in the school. The big difference is that all of this falls flat. It terribly underwhelming and a complete rip.

Another grave sin of the film is letting the humans have direct, communicative contact with the Predator. Granted, the films generally spend some time letting the audience behind the veil, following the view of the Predator, having them actually speak using subtitles is just a step to far. It completely ruins the mystery of the motive of the creature and perverts the franchise into something run of the mill. They spell out every plot point with this and other methods, having the characters think out loud so the audience doesn’t have to. Sadly, at no point did this film capture my imagination or attention. Every scenario and location is lackluster.

I can’t even find the words to adequately describe how disappointed, angry, and confused I felt when I left the theater. I expected so much more from the team behind this. This may be the first review/complaint where I will implore the reader to skip the film. Don’t do it. Don’t waste your time or your money. I only wish I could have wrote something to make up for this films absolute failure to live up to the glory, the simplicity of the original Predator.

~* 3/10 *~

#Film #Review #Reviews #The Predator #Predator #Bad Movies #Shane Black #Olivia Munn #Boyd Holbrook #Keegan Michael Key #Thomas Jane

1 note · View note

im-so-so-sorry-blog1 · 7 years

Text

A writing therapy... to someone

A message, to my boyfriend.

I was having a hard time and writing therapy helps but so does my boyfriend... so...

“TBH, I feel so shit when I rely on you for things like comfort although you seem to be the only person that I trust the most and I weirdly trust you more than my friend. Probably because I know about your timetable and what you're doing but you're too sweet to take the time out to respond to me. I didn't miss out on the car-parking duty just for this, it was for several reasons but I can't help but think how much of a pathetic excuse that is and why I felt like it was necessary to justify my actions and just stop being a pussy and go. But I don't remember if I said this to you before; I wouldn't go to work if I had problems that lead to bowel problems so... yeah.

I honestly mean this so much because my life is just shit and I always feel like I am a shit person. It's kind of hard to see what I'm typing through these tears and to type at my normal rate when I have shaky hands. All I can hear are the quietness with little slightly rapid tapping from the keyboard and me sniffing. All I can feel are the tears sliding down from my eyes to my chin, soaking through the skin, and falling when they can't hold onto my face anymore. I feel like my head is about to explode and that I'm writing a suicide note but I'm not. It only just got to me and I am somehow confident enough to call the suicide prevention line even if it meant it would ruin my life of going into the military. Although when I think about it more closely, all these decisions I made lead to one reason; I wanted to run away from home. Sure, my relations with things are bad but even though I feel comfortable at home, I need something to force me outside and be away from home. And I've always felt like that is the only cure. And the military is the place that fits into the equation. I feel like once I run away, I'll have the chance to start everything from scratch. Obviously keeping a few things like you but being at home drags me down a little. I do love my games and music but it isn't helping me push myself. Everything here is a choice. Nothing here is mandatory. I need something to force me out of my home.

It isn't just running away from home. More like running away from this whole place and the people who live in it. I think it's a nice place but it's been too long, living in a place full of memories. I want to run away in order to grow up fully and properly. I hate being given the choice of going to the gym or not. I hate being given the choice of doing volunteering work at school because I know I'll just sit back and fall back and be like, "Nah, it should be fine". I can't really get into the mindset of forcing myself either since I already hate myself as it is. There isn't anything or anyone that can help me by making things mandatory. I'm not sure how else to explain it.

I'm just so desperate to run away. I might even look into other military services just to see if I can get in quicker because honestly, I hate waiting. I'm impatient and I don't like to linger much. But I don't want to make rational decisions in case I end my life (although I've always been thinking about the thought of dying. It's kind of hard to go through a day without thinking of dying or running away).

What I wanted to say at the, "I honestly mean this so much" is that... you seem to be the only medicine that pulls me away from things and I don't feel like a burden with you or I'm just so confident in trusting you. And I don't want to be surrounded by people, wearing white coats, asking personal questions, and prodding me with needles and other 'medical' instruments. I don't want to have to tell the world and having to explain and justify my actions. And neither do I want a lot of people to know about it - especially those that care about me because there's just too much to catch up with.

Like I said, it's kind of hard trying to see past these tears. Blurry visions but I'm trying my best to calm down and feel better... nope. I'm still crying and I'm still trying to breathe.

As for you being my medicine, I don't mean it in a corny way but I would overdose. It would feel like a win/win situation for me because I'd die but at least I'll be happy for once. Don't get me wrong, I'm always happy when I'm with you but only when I have contact with you and we're replying to each other back and fourth. I don't want to make it sound like I'm always like this every time you're not here (i.e. walking the dogs, studying, showering, eating etc.). Those minor times, I can deal with. I meant big times where we're both in school. I don't want to completely mould my life into yours but I feel like that's what I'm doing now because I just feel safe with you since you don't judge and you understand me completely.

Like just literally, my whole world is spinning around yours. In face, it's the entire solar system, the whole universe, even the milky way - they all depend on you. I don't want to make it sound like a burden because you're dealing with a girlfriend who is suffering and is constantly mentally struggling but is also stubborn as hell and just extremely weak. I try to find reasons like being a girl, sensitive, tired but I feel like those reasons won't work anymore. Not for long. Because everything has slowly started to unfold, so I'll just randomly cry in front of people because I can't help it. It's like I can't hide it anymore. And I just feel so stupid asking you for help because I am just so heavily dependent on you. And this is just a lot of pressure to take in and a lot of pressure to hold.

I'm so sorry for the long message. Writing therapy usually helps and you help me a lot so I wrote to you. I'm still crying and, well, maybe that's why I'm getting headaches and I feel light headed all the time because of all the overthinking just from minor events that's been happening. What happened on Friday doesn't bother me because the thoughts have died down due to what happened today. And what happened today was a misunderstanding so I'm kind of hoping that mum would be a bit more understanding as to why I talk like this (she takes my voice as a personal attack because it isn't the usual high-pitched polite voice but I'm just too tired to fake anything at the moment) and maybe some other factors. I told her that I forget things and she says it's "OK" as if she hasn't been raising her voice and shouting at me for staying up all night, talking to you. It only hit me then as how much you mean to me as a medicine compared to what usually happens outside of that comfort zone. She said she tried to help but she's been raising her voice at me, saying that I'm stupid and lazy and should have done things myself. The one that upset me the most is that we were trying to sort out my phone and I did the depressed tired sigh and she took it as a personal offence and when I struggled to understand what the man was saying on the phone, she snatched it off me and asked me, "What's wrong with you!?". So I broke down. And it reminded me of a few things.

How I wanted to run away. How much of a shit person I am. As well as how much you mean to me because you make me laugh and I feel all better so I wake up the next day, feeling ready. But it always has to be smashed into pieces.

Excuses like being lazy and just being a normal teenager doesn't work anymore. You could say that my mum is expecting too much from me but it's kind of a normal Asian thing to do. And I always feel so shit because I just don't match up to the Asian persona of being impressive at a young age since things have started to slow me down sometimes.

I enjoy work. I love music and I love art. I love doing a lot of things like learning and exercising my brain. It's just shit like this somehow gets in the way and I just felt like killing myself was the only answer despite how many people I've helped from not committing suicide and how I have thousands of people appreciating me etc. And to be honest, I only just started realising that I have mental health issues, though I never wanted to sort it out because... I'm not sure. It's almost like crossing the line for me.

I thought I would do fine. But for some reason, everything is falling apart and suddenly everyone can see what's wrong with me. I never felt good enough. Just too many, "What's wrong with you!?" especially from my mum. I'm trying my best to listen and get things done in the right way and I've always listen but somehow something goes wrong and I feel like the unluckiest person in the world. Even if it was a minor inconvenience.

Work is OK. There are guidelines and I ask what they mean. But at home, mum just judges everything I do. Or at least I feel that now. She even shouted at me because I dropped something on accident or knocked a glass over in the dark even though I wasn't aware that it was there because it was dark and I couldn't see anything but my laptop screen. She always makes it my fault so I went through my whole life thinking there's always a way to accuse me and it always has to be my fault. I even take the blame sometimes if something happened. So in that situation, she would have blamed me for not getting up and turning the light on when it got dark and I would have done the same thing and blamed it on my laziness. Shit like this makes me feel shit and just reminds me of how shit I am.

I don't know why I'm telling this to you when I was originally meant to write about how much you mean to me but instead, this shit came out but I guess that's part of writing therapy. It seems to be the only therapy that works from time to time, which would explain why I'm so good at writing.

But yeah, when she complained about me staying up all night, laughing and talking to you, it just reminded me of how much you mean to me and how much you lift me up. Like I just feel so weightless like there is nothing wrong in my life or in this world. I could write a book, maybe even several series about how you affect me in all positive ways. And no, I am not going to change my routine of staying up late talking to you because you are worth it. And the main thing is that it doesn't affect my sleep schedule either so I don't really care about anything else much since I'm getting better at controlling the amount of hours I sleep everyday (at least more than 6+ hours, where I usually get less).

It isn't just you making me feel happy and special. It isn't just you making me feel safe and alright. There's something about you that managed to help me pull through and everything seemed so fine so I wake up the next day, feeling confident and it puts me in the good mood to work with. So my confidence and self-esteem goes up as well as my comfort with things. Like I started to agree on doing activities prepped by our course and our school but now it's like... Something just tells me that I should be at home, not talking to anyone and just carrying on doing what I want to do. You are the only thing, the only person, that helps me push and improve myself with the confidence booster that you gave me. And you help me a lot. Through the thoughts of dying, I think about you sometimes and all the things I would miss out on if I decided to commit suicide.

The fact that my phone is broken, I don't really wanna lose any sort of connection or communication between us. If my computer dies, I don't know what to do but panic everyday and I'll do anything to get it sorted ASAP. But luckily, if one or the other works, I'm fine with it. This also prevents me from running away in reality but I still feel like I want to to a certain degree.

What I'm saying is that I love you, for more than just the reasons I give you. You are basically my suicide prevention line. You are basically my medicine and basically my world. For me, you are not just a boy that I love. It's something more and I rely on you for everything that troubles me. Like every dark thought I get makes me realise how lucky I am to be with you and I'm writing all this without having a single thought that you might leave me because I am just such a big and heavy responsibility because I'm just so difficult even when I have reasons to justify everything I've said and did. I hardly ever get the thoughts that you would leave me because you've proven that you love me and you've made me fall in love with every single word you say and every single laughter/giggle I hear and every single smile that I get to see.

Even though, being a literal suicide prevention line for me, I don't want to rely on you forever. I feel too scared to do that even though I'm admitting everything and just releasing my thoughts. It makes me feel better because I can write more and since it's towards you, there's a lot more that maybe you'd like to know or a lot more that I think you can understand and I think it's kind of interesting for you to know. Like I said you are everything for me. Thank you for listening to me and just being there for me. I don't know what else to say and I hope that this isn't too much. Maybe there's a little more than enough to know and this is a lot to take in and let it sink but you can probably understand why I won't tell this to anyone; because it's such a big pile of information and there are more to be told that it's a little hard to let it sink in in one sitting. Like I said, it feels a little too late to be telling anyone anything about this and these kind of information. Showing the body is just one thing because that's it. OK, there are ways to show off but the mind is something else. There are more than one stories to show and it's enough to kill you. But think about it, I have these kind of thoughts everyday that I'm surprised I haven't died from it.

So as you can see, you are more than just a boy from Slovenia. To me, you are my suicide prevention line and my pill of happiness and I would happily overdose on it but I don't want to die because I don't want to miss out on all the things that we can do together despite the distance. In such a short space of time, I fell in love with you and I became so confident and comfortable so quickly, telling you all these things. You're more than just handsome, cute, and funny. You make me laugh in many different ways and I just love hearing your voice and looking at your face on video call. It's not just a simple, "you're cute, funny, fit, hot" etc. No, no, no, no. It's not like that. It's more to that. Although I feel bad about it when I say that you're the only thing that holds me together and prevents me from dying. You give me courage, strength, and you make me feel ambitious as well as confident and comfortable. You make me forget about things and I become a lot more hard-working and I focus a lot more and I behave a lot more because.., I don't know. I used to skip out on so many things just to see someone I liked and it ruined my life. But there is something about you that steers me into the right path and I get the thought of just behaving in school and I'll have more play time outside. There's something about you that fixes my life. It's not just like placing duct tape over a broken heart. It's more like cleaning my scars with antiseptics (I think that's the right term), treating it with medicine, sewing the wounds closed, and wrapping cotton on top with a bandage to cover up these scars. It's more in depth than just a classic shining knight on a white stallion, saving a princess from a tower guarded by an evil dragon. It's more of a legend than a myth. It is something real. And it all gets to my head.

I feel like without you, I would literally be nothing. I wouldn't know what to do with my life and I wouldn't have anyone to talk to about these things. It just feels so good to finally get it out but on one person, I feel kind of bad. Like you are just the only friend I have. My friend, my boyfriend, my best friend, just everything (not brother or father or cousin etc.). You are just the only person I can talk to about these things and just release things so I don't have to think about them anymore. But to listen and to hold all these shared responsibilities are so big, it would make you depressed as well. It feels like if I sold my soul to the devil, the devil would give it back to me instead. Although I would never sell my soul because I LOVE music and art so I would never sell my ability to be creative and imaginative. Anyways, what I'm saying is that... I don't know. You mean a lot to me. A lot more than you think. And I don't know how to expand on that, "You are my everything" because you just are and you are more than everything. More than my everything. It makes me go in depth with my love and how I describe my feelings towards you instead of just the basic direct message and adjective (i.e. "You're cute, you're funny, you're kind" etc.). There are so many things that I admire about you and most of all, I admire of how much positive vibes it brings into my life and how much it has improved it. It made me realise so many things that I've been ignoring like how messy my life has gotten and how bad the thoughts are in my head. You give me a reason to live. You are just so worth it. Everyday, I find myself working hard because of you and I become more prepared, organised, confident, happy etc. I just become a better person everyday and I became more approachable at school and all.

You are just my biggest comfort in life. And I feel like this IS love because it's more than just being happy. You actually did something in my life therefore you are worth keeping. And at this point, I feel that it's safe that I need you. I don't just WANT you, I literally NEED you. And I hate it when other people say that they need me because they're only saying that since they're in love with me but with you, it's more than just love and I literally need you because you help me hold things together.

Let's say like, let's use a light-heart situation to describe my life and how you affect it. Let's take a hard boiled egg. Throughout my life, I have been throwing that egg around for numerous reasons therefore smashing not only the shell but also the egg inside. Throughout my whole life, I have been trying to take off the shell but I'm just too angry to do it so I repeat it over and over again, thinking it would help me achieve my goal of taking the shell off. When you stepped into my life, you slowly peeled the egg shell, revealing the beautiful white skin of the egg, with some damage, and you showed me how beautiful life can be.

So let's try another heavier comparison. Let's say that I broke a vase. I would fix it roughly before breaking it again just because one piece didn't fit or I wanted to restart it over again and I bleed from picking up the sharp edges, not being careful enough when fixing it. And the whole purpose of this was to fix something that broke itself. Then, luckily, you came along and taught me how to reshape those pieces and make a better vase where everything fitted perfectly, with the perfect adhesive to keep it sticking together, and it looks better than the original vase that kept on breaking every time I thought I fixed it.

Let's try another heavier comparison and I've said this before. How it's much more better than putting duct tape on a broken heart. In short, it is more in depth than to just fixing my life and making things all better and OK. It isn't about making things OK temporarily. It's about making it OK but to also help moving on and pulling through. So instead of just covering a bleeding wound with a shirt or just sucking on the area that's been burnt, you just take the time to follow the proper and correct procedure into treating something damaged and not only do you just treat it, but you also give advice on how to look after it and provide medication for it so that the person can go away and look after themselves for the time being. In general, you don't just glance over it and think, "You'll live". You go further than just performing surgery on someone; you actually give advice, check up on patients, and provide medication for free rather than just, "come and see me in 2 weeks and I'll give you something then". And you aren't just some sort of artificial antibiotics. You're like those exotic natural medicines made of herbs and spices and it could cure literally any pain you can think of.

The way that you affect my life... there are so many different ways you affect my life. And, boy, you're just more than what you think you are. To me, another person in the world, another girl you've met - in my eyes, you are just something more. And to be blessed by you like I've been patient enough to wait for someone to come down and save me. It's like my reward for being patient enough and enduring the pain. It's like fate. I don't believe in a lot of mythology but I would say that it felt like God sent you down to give me you as a gift from the heavens because it felt like I somewhat truly deserve you. Really, it feels like I need you but, I don't know. Just the timing that you came into my life made everything better and just you as a person. It's a shame that people skip over your personality for someone else.

Even if I have a chance with someone else who lives closer to me than he/she does to you, I wouldn't go for them because my heart would still be with you. Even if I go missing, you know that I'm clever enough to find my way home and my heart would still be with you even though I may not have contact with you for days, weeks, maybe months, but hopefully not years. Even if I can't see you in any way, my heart would still be with you.

You are the only thing that holds me together.

Someone that makes me safe and sound.

More than just special.

More than just a boy.

And overall... I would say and would 100% agree that you are a literal suicide prevention line for me. And I feel sorry for being this kind of burden to you.” I dismissed the last part of the text because it involved personal details.

#love #i love you #i love you so much #you have no idea how much i love you #relationships #relationship #feelings #romance

0 notes