#the downfall of most of the fights for clone rights. it’s fucked up it is but it happens

[zeb-z]

Echo following change if it means he can make more of a difference, help more people. A reflection of Fives, who had no question about challenging authority, of Rex who will do what needs to be done to get the job done, of Cody who thinks before he leaps, of Ahsoka who puts kindness and mercy above all else, of Hevy who didn’t fear sacrifice for the greater good, of Anakin who can’t just sit still when he can actively do something about it. His decision to leave is not a choice he makes lightly, it’s something he has been stressing over since season one, weighing keeping Omega safe, running from the Empire, and the knowledge that with Rex they could be doing so much more against the rising injustice. But ultimately it was still his choice.

His place isn’t running bounties and avoiding the Empire. Echo, like Rex, like Fives, will be on the front lines so long as he’s needed there, because that’s where he can make the most difference. It’s like Rex told him - “if that’s where you feel your place is, then that’s where you belong.” He belongs to direct action and making a difference just as much as he belongs with his brothers and sister.

The fact that he has a family, a future beyond fighting, is very important. He’ll always be part of the Bad Batch, and he’ll return to them again (I have to believe that), but it’s not his place anymore, not right now. And the fact that it’s his choice, one he did not make without consideration, is important as well.

(and maybe there’s something to be said for Cody’s speech about the choices you make and living with them, because even the right one for you isn’t the right one for someone else. fighting has a cost, a fractured group and a lonely kid - but it’s still his choice, and that’s important. here’s to hoping it’s not a permanent consequence)

[eriexplosion]

Clone Wars - Downfall of a Droid & Duel of the Droids

Popping these two into one post since I felt like my thoughts on the first one were pretty short.

I had no memory of this one until I saw the thumbnail and was smacked in the face by my memory of that LITTLE GOLD BITCH, as I imagine R2 refers to him.

Grievous is yet again showing his Tactical Mastery by abandoning all plans and just plowing straight through an asteroid field. Truly batshit behavior from our favorite batshit metal man, never encountered a situation he couldn't make vastly more difficult on himself than it needs to be.

Meanwhile, Anakin shows off the power of the force by saying "I have a bad feeling about this" like it means something when he's staring directly at this.

Like yeah? A bad feeling? You don't say.

The medical scene is so goddamn LIT though. Actively unpleasant to look at. I understand that it's a medbay and they're often bright but did they have to do this to poor Rex?

Anyway this portion with Obi-Wan is actively frustrating where he gets fussed over Anakin wanting to go out and get R2 ('attachment is not acceptable for a Jedi' shut uppppppp Kenobi) and not having wiped his memory. Like, we know droids are sentient, stop just trying to replace him like an object. But then, I guess we did just get out of an arc where losing Plo Koon got responded to with "Oh no... anyway!" so you know. God forbid we save anyone's life or anything Remember To Abandon Your Friends Immediately.

Anakin calling Ahsoka Pookums for the fucking disguise though. Best he could come up with. POOKUMS. The action sequence with the assassin droids is fun though, I love the maneuvering in the narrow space. Anakin threatening the junk dealer though... okay, the thing is, I've seen this episode brought up before as showing Anakin's dark side potential and overattachment. But much like in the 'Ahsoka and Barriss are buried alive' situation, it always gets revealed that Anakin was RIGHT ALL ALONG. R2 WAS there, the guy WAS holding out on them actually, Stubby IS trying to get them killed etc. Anakin does have some genuine dark moments but in this episode he's just... correct, lol.

Still can't get over season one Ahsoka's horrible little stickbug arms.

Onto the next one though!

I love the music both of these episodes have used for all of R2's daring escape attempt scenes. The most incredibly difficult droid alive is engaging in Activities again.

The plan for the listening post shifting from 'just destroy the whole thing' to 'sneak aboard and THEN destroy it' because of R2 being on it but also THIS IS NOT A RESCUE MISSION is certainly a choice. Like if you're going to be sneaking aboard anyway, why NOT rescue R2 Obi-Wan? Do you have an actual reason other than getting tossed the Being Wrong Ball this arc?

"Oh and Rex, you get to carry him!" Rex is the LONGEST SUFFERING MAN. Take your captain and several others, but make sure that the captain is the one on 'carry the giant mech' duty. Can't possibly give him a more important job.

Of course, it's probably because the others are going to get murdered pretty fast, that's USUALLY what happens after all.

Speaking of murder.

Never ask to be paid more.

Also I had to look up one of the troopers that actually has his own paint job and apparently this is Denal who Bane ends up killing later. I will attach to him in the meantime so as to be properly sad when he gets unceremoniously killed.

I keep forgetting that Grievous and Anakin have to be kept apart this whole series and it hits me every time how silly this is, it's so fucking funny that they have to contend with this problem so as not to invalidate a .5 second line in the movies. Yes Grievous is their primary enemy no they have never met face to face, don't worry about it. Ahsoka will handle fighting him one on one. It's fine.

Anakin apologizing to R2 for DARING to get a replacement droid is adorable. R2 ANGRY BEEPS. Then it turns out he not only replaced R2 but he accidentally replaced him with a spy that's programmed in weaponized incompetence. Whoops.

The main thing I fully remembered from this arc is finally here though: R2 vs R3 fight. There's something so fucking funny about the dramatic setting of the narrow walkway being used for a fight between two droids approximately the size and shape of trash cans.

Back to Obi-Wan getting on my nerves again at the end though. Do not UNDERVALUE R2. He's an important member of the team damn it. Overall it's a fun pair of episodes but the way R2 gets talked about apparently turns me into a droid rights pamphlet.

[soraka-in-warhammer40k]

Alright, hear me out on this one then: it all got to do with the two lost legions. So we know they messed up and it was different events, and it was really bad stuff that put you really up there on the "big no-nos declared by the golden man himself". One of the purged guys was Lorgar's best friend, and add to the fact that the man despite being the most religiously suspectible person in the galaxy he never once considered Mars and the Cult Mechanicum of any relevance lets one suspect that one of the lost was VERY into the whole machine god thing and they had plenty of theological dicussions, which is very likely that this guy's downfall was AI. Very forbidden, something went wrong and got him purged.

With AI out of the picture, there's limits to what a legion could do to have BigE literally try to erase them from history. However there's one thing he was extremly insinstent about: his created posthumans must take regular humanity along for the ride and not just bugger off and be their own thing. I feel like any legion being like "uh yeah we are our own species now and make our own empire byeee!" would not fly. This is why individual Space Marines have zero reproductive capabilities by design. Imagine fighting an enemy where even the most basic civillian was on Astartes-level.

Now, to properly BE one's own species and without going into weird cloning tech and the like, you need the ladies. There were no ladies in that group, but plenty of really fucky DNA in every legion. Russ is two thirds golden retriever ffs! Now imagine for a second that there was a legion build specifically to handle deathworld enviorments (we curiously have none right now despite those worlds being numerous) utilizing the many adaptive abilities we can find today in nature.

And this is where it gets weird: what if they just had this very specific part of "must make species survive"-DNA inside them in addition to all the other stuff that lets some fish or repitles CHANGE THEIR BIOLOGICAL SEX as a response to very specific enviormental stimulus? In addition to restoring their own capabilities.

So here's what might have happened: legion gets send out, sudden intense long lasting warpstorm, loses contact mid-mission on a deathworld, they are cut off, no supplies, but they SURVIVE. Storm's over and what does BigE find? His Astartes are now accompanied by tiny-startes that look very much like the big ones. He rushes over, and decided "ok we all forget about this and kill those... things" to which the Astartes 100% on "must protect the species"-DNA as well as insane never-before activated parental instincts kicking in collectively say "NO. GET FUCKED."

There's a fight, they lose (because its one legion vs most of them), some get killed others mindwiped and sent to other legions.

Also there is this weird entry in the Custodes Codex about a "Subject XI" in their dungeons, so "Subject Primarch Eleven" essentially? What if that Primarch was so insane in their biologics, the Emperor could not kill them? Like, they'd regenerate from just a few cells like a semi-perpetual? So all he could do was lock them up? Puts some more into the "there was a legion focussed on adaptive biology".

Going by all the weird shit going on in general space marine biology, having a legion of "yeah actually we might all be potentially trans and Jenkinsius evolved a fourth gender last week" is not too far out there really. Nature is absolute whack sometimes.

That's it. Every time someone starts a dumbass fight about female space marines, a Black Templar now dies!

[lunar-wandering]

i doubt im ever gonna have the energy to write this as a fanfic so im just going to infodump the entire final arc of the Uno Reverse Card Swap AU right here and now.

What, you thought this whole AU was just gonna be comedy??? I mean most of it is but,

- they're in a fight against WBS (always a horrible place to start)

- WBS throws an attack at MK, who freezes in fear and won't be able to dodge in time

- Wukong takes the hit for him and falls into a coma

- MK is fucking distraught. he drops the staff on the ground and starts trying to wake Wukong up, Red Son goes and starts trying to reassure him that's its not his fault, but MK keeps insisting that it is, he’s the one who’s is apparently destined to bring the Monkey King’s downfall after all.

- Mei picks up the staff and charges at WBS....who quickly subdues her, captures her, and vanishes, much to the horror of Red Son and MK. (she leaves the staff behind, which was kinda a mistake on her part)

- in case this wasn’t obvious, they go to hide out on Flower Fruit Mountain

- MK and the others struggle to find a way to wake Wukong up. (Tang and Pigsy, having been studying history for a long time, have a few ideas but nothing concrete yet)

- Red Son and MK have a fight over MK not wanting to go out and search for WBS and Mei. ("I can't, I wouldn't be able to beat her." "You're only saying that because you're scared.")

- MK gives Red Son the staff during this fight (”Take it, I never deserved to have it anyways.” “MK that’s not what I-” “Just take it.”), and Red Son goes off to search for Mei.

- Macaque, Pigsy, Tang, and Sandy have this whole Mini Quest to find something to wake Wukong up. its during this that they find out that Macaque is essentially powerless, his powers are sealed by the bracelet he wears on his wrist. only Wukong can remove said bracelet, but Macaque never bothered to ask him.

- they have to fight a demon for this Miracle Medicine. Macaque plays the role of being a distraction (since he doesn’t exactly have powers that’d be effective), while Sandy and Tang get ready to sneak attack the demon, and Pigsy secretly steals the Medicine. at the end of this fight, Pigsy somehow ends up getting the last hit in, much to the shock of the other 3.

- Meanwhile, MK guards Wukong's body, and has like. a moment of self reflection and eventually kinda Pulls Himself Together. (probably with the help of some clones. he got lonely and wanted someone to talk to. Porty MK wasn't his first choice, but he'll take it.)

- after they wake Wukong up, they get a distress call from Red Son. he's found Mei, but WBS has possessed her, and has managed to take the staff from him and he needs help, now

-Wukong is barely awake at this point, even after taking the medicine, and he’s in no condition to fight, so the others have to go without him, but as Macaque walks by Wukong grabs onto his arms and silently slips the bracelet off, giving Macaque his powers back

- Macaque fucking kicks ass during the fight and MK is like “wh....what?? since when could my therapist fight”

- and then Pigsy also starts doing some epic fighting stuff and were MK not more focused on saving Mei and Red Son he’d be losing his mind

- MK and Red Son make up at one point during the fight. ("I'm not scared anymore." "Good. I never doubted you anyways.")

- MK has this big moment during the fight against WBS where he steals the staff back from her in this epic way that truly says hes more confident in himself now.

- "Get. Out. of my. FRIEND." and then MK ~literally blasts~ WBS out of Mei's body

- Wukong shows up at around the end of the fight, just to get a few hits in. the others are concerned about him but he insists he's fine enough to punch WBS.

- MK gets the last hit in though like:

WBS: you can never defeat me-

MK, pulling an uno reverse card out of his jacket pocket: think again, bitch

MK: *(beats her up)*

Wukong: im so proud of you, but also. how long have you been waiting to do that

MK: literally ever since I pulled the staff

- after the uno reverse card scene they seal WBS away again, this time locking her in a box and just. yeeting it into the ocean.

- Mei shouts "sayonara BITCH" as they do so

[longitud-de-onda]

come back home

pairing; the mandalorian | din djarin x female reader summary; it’s been three years since you’ve seen din after leaving him on a distant planet. rating; m warnings; a panic attack, unintentional gaslighting, heavy angst, a bit of light sex (no smut or anything very nsfw), some gunshot wounds, alcohol. don’t worry it’s not all angst there’s some happy stuff. word count; 11.3k a/n; so this pops around a lot with timing, but it should be fairly clear. every big line break switches perspectives between din and the reader, and every section is a bit of present and then a flashback. the flashbacks are chronological. also, it’s long. it’s so long. taglist; @bonkybaaarnes​

It was a busy day. People had been wandering in and out of your shop since you turned the sign in the window to ‘Open.’ There probably hasn’t been a span of more than 5 minutes where you didn’t hear the sound of the doorbell tinkling, signaling the entrance of one or more of the planet’s upper echelon, art students, or just interested visitors. Running an art gallery and dealership was possibly one of the most peaceful things you could do during this age of the New Republic. Especially when you lived on a Core World.

An old looking Neimoidian who had been wandering the space for the past hour or so approached your desk.

“That piece there, with the scene from the Clone Wars, how much is it?”

You looked over to where he was pointing. It was one of the larger pieces you had at the time, a beautiful war painting. Realism wasn’t as common anymore. Neither, you supposed, was painting. You got the piece directly from the artist a few months back, entranced by the historic materials and the mastery of the battle scene. It reminded you of your teenage years, back during the war. It was sad to see it go, but you knew you couldn’t keep the pieces and were happy it would have a home.

“Thirteen thousand credits,” You smiled at the man. For the Neimoidians who came and went, your reputation, and the size of the piece, it was a good price. He knew it too. His subtle nod indicated he was interested, and you put the order into your system. One of the gallery droids sprung to life behind you to retrieve the piece from its spot on the wall and bring it to the back room where it would be packaged for shipment. You pulled out a datapad, handing it over to the Neimoidian who began to fill out the credit transfer form.

“Your reputation precedes you,” He mused while typing, “You run a lovely shop here. It’s nice, with the Empire over. Peace, art, business. It’s all flourishing.”

“It is,” You smiled, “it’s great for business.”

“Indeed it is,” He looked up, handing back the datapad with the complete form, “I must thank you, it is a great honor to work with you.”

“The honor is all mine,” you say, reviewing the form. 13,000 New Republic credits. Not good for much outside the Core nowadays, not that you had any plans on leaving.

“I collect war art,” he began, an unusual admission for a Neimoidian, “Honoring those who fought. I just imagine... must be difficult, out there on the battlefield.”

-o-o-o-

“It must be difficult...” the Mandalorian said, startling you from your thoughts. In the 17 hours since you met him, he hadn’t said more than 20 words. “... living job to job, no help.”

You turned to face him, or rather, to look at the small gap in his helmet.

“What do you mean? Isn’t it the same for you?” You got the current job together from some guy in a bar in the backwater outer rim planet you were spending the day on. He said it would be too difficult, too risky to just have one man on the job. Two was insurance.

“I’m a guild member. Who do you have?” You knew he was just trying to make small talk, but it felt like a slap on the face. You had practically nothing. You’d been wandering the galaxy ever since the fall of the empire, nothing to do. Your only skills were fighting, flying, and formulating battle plans. Without a war, you had nothing.

Probably should have joined the guild at some point, you thought to yourself. But that never felt like the right option. You still had your loyalties. And bounty hunters, well, bounty hunters have no loyalties other than the guild. Imperial heads and Rebel ones had the same price if you had the right buyer.

“It’s been this way for a while now, I don’t mind it so much,” you responded. You had only just met the Mandalorian anyways, hadn’t known him long enough where he deserved to know really how you felt. It was still difficult, not spilling out your entire backstory to him, something about the way he cocked his head and the few words he said that let you know he was always intensely listening to you.

You had the feeling that after another 17 hours he would have only racked up another 40 words while you’d have revealed almost every detail of your life. He had that effect on you. Kind of scary if you were to admit it, but you knew in only an hour or so the Razor Crest would be landing and the fight would start and hopefully end in only a matter of minutes and you’d return to the money and go your separate ways. No need to fret over some guy. Even if that guy was a Mandalorian.

Din Djarin had landed the Razor Crest about a 50-minute walk from the city, enough to remember that it had been a year or so since he spent any time traversing tough terrain and began to regret not docking closer.

It was a force of habit. The ship wasn’t registered so it flew under the radar, but any attempt to land at a New Republic port would be dangerous, but he supposed that landing 20 minutes away wouldn’t have been so bad. It didn’t really matter now though, as he was coming up to the first signs of civilization.

He only had a faint idea of where he was headed, somewhere closer to the center, but not too close. With his luck, probably the side of the city furthest from his ship so he’d have to cross through the center if he wanted the quickest route.

The most efficient route used to not matter so much. He used to be able to afford to skirt around the edges. Now, nearing the heart of the city, he was tired enough to know he needed to stop. He’d been walking for over 3 hours.

It was unusual, being on such a populated planet. Everyone moved around him, not sparing him even a glance. He wasn’t used to that at all.

Din saw a small but interesting looking cantina a few doors down and slipped inside. It was filled with smoke and music and laughter. Nothing like the empty-feeling outer rim bars. The people here had all sorts of masks, just not the physical kinds: fake smiles plastered on to fool a lover, guises of aggression formulated purely to intimidate, the facades of disappointment dealt expertly to tug at heartstrings. There was something completely and utterly alive in this place, but that something was also a farce.

A barstool opened up about two-thirds of the way to the back wall, and Din pushed through the crowd to snatch it up. A sleek looking droid slid his way to take his order before gliding back down the bar to help a young couple pay for their drinks.

Another droid showed up in front of him, setting down the hot drink, with a yellow and red swirling appearance, steam rising off the top.

He raised the glass to his mouth, and took a sip, relishing in the feel the alcohol had, instantly spreading through his body, soothing while simultaneously lighting him on fire.

-x-x-x-

Fucking desert planets, Din thought to himself. Somewhere in the galaxy, someone was probably laughing at him: a Mandalorian in the desert. Thick black wool covered with beskar armor had to be the absolute worst combination for a planet made of sand and heat. He had been sitting behind a rock formation for the better part of the day, the local star’s hot light beating down on his body.

The camp was small but Din knew there were at least twelve stormtroopers and two Imperial high-ups. There could be more. He had been watching the four tents all day, and each one could probably hold around 15 people quite comfortably, but his infrared sensors weren’t working well, probably sand lodged in some panel, and he couldn’t figure out how many people he was up against.

The binoculars on his helmet zeroed in on a figure behind the furthest tent. Someone was out there, moving quickly between a couple of rocks. At the same time, one of the tent flaps opened, and a couple of stormtroopers popped out. Din had to break his gaze from the mysterious person and watched the two walk from one tent to the next. He was fairly sure they weren’t new, only the same guys who walked in 30 minutes ago.

Upon arrival at the next tent, one ducked in while the other stood guard. A few seconds passed and then the white helmet peaked out of the tent again, this time followed by another 3, and an Imperial officer. The five troopers flanked the man as he returned to the tent the troopers originally came from.

“What are you doing here?” a voice sounded from his left. Din whipped around while pulling his Amban rifle from his back, pointing at where the voice came from.

It was the fighter from the job back off of Comra. She had leaned back enough to keep her head from being lopped off by the rifle and her hands were up.

“Sorry, Mando, didn’t mean to scare you,” she said, her voice slow and vibrating in her throat.

Din lowered the Amban, and peaked back at the imp tents. There was no activity occurring anymore.

“But seriously, what are you doing here?” she sounded a bit frustrated. Her face was reddening, but he couldn’t tell if it was just the heat. She was slick with sweat, shining in the sunlight. He figured if he had any skin exposed it would look the same. He was sweltering, but couldn’t tell if wearing anything lighter would have helped. His skin hadn’t seen the light in a long time, and a smarter outfit for the heat might just be his downfall.

Din reached into his pocket, pulling out the puck he was working on. He turned it over a few times in his palm before turning it on and holding out the holo to show the woman. The blue bust spun around and her eyes widened.

“It’s him,” she breathed. After a long moment, she broke her gaze from Din’s assignment and looked right at him, “you’re going after him?”

“Yes, if you don’t ruin my chance. He’s in there,” Din gestured over to the tents.

“I know. He’s got a bounty of his own on my head,” the admission took Din by surprise, and he realized that the woman was bowing her head; in shame, frustration, or something entirely different, he couldn’t tell.

“Then why aren’t you running?” he knew it sounded too harsh, but sometimes, rarely, but sometimes, his emotions got ahead of him and he had to ask the burning questions.

“I was. That’s why I’m here,” she said, panting a bit. Where they stood was in direct sunlight, and it was only getting hotter. “I was running from him, planet-hopping, was here for about a week, and the fucker showed up this morning, set up camp less than a kilometer from where I was. I thought I was done for. I was trying to get a good last look at him before I either made it out or was killed, but then I saw you behind the rocks. Figured if I was destined to die, then, well, you were probably here to kill me anyway.”

Din cocked his head, “I’d never take a job from an imp.”

“Well, that’s good,” she said. She attempted to laugh, but the heat was too much and the topic too heavy that it came out more like a couple of shallow breaths before stopping entirely.

The two turned to look at the camp again. Nothing was happening. Din didn’t have too much of a plan until he knew how many stormtroopers he was up against.

“I, uh, I fought for the Rebel Alliance, way back when,” the woman said, still staring at the tents, “I wasn’t even 14 when I joined. When the New Republic formed there wasn’t much left for me. I knew war, and I wanted the imps all gone. I’ve sort of been on the run since, taking out stormtroopers and officers whenever I get the chance. I suppose it all caught up to me.”

“14 is pretty young for a fighter,” Din said, not sure what else to say. He wasn’t used to people being open with him.

“Not where I’m from, it’s not,” and when Din looked over to see her finish the sentence he saw something in her eyes that shook him to the core. Some sort of raw pain and loss and desperation. He was going to kill the commander, and take down anyone else in the damned tent.

An hour and ten minutes before closing you began pre-close procedures, as usual. The shop was mostly empty, save for a couple of Bothans who appeared to be making some final decisions on what pieces to purchase, and a few young faces you had learned belonged to the students who would pop in weekly to see the art, never buying anything. You didn’t mind. Art was meant to be appreciated.

You had made quite a few sales and were satisfied with the day’s profit. Someone bought out almost your entire collection of small prints by a Corellian artist, and you were pleased to have sold the rather violent series of holosculptures, and you already had the droids put a more calming piece in their spot.

A droid began going around sweeping the space, and another was sent to the supply room to start restocking packaging materials that had been used up during the day.

You kept your eyes firmly on the door, feeling like the current inhabitants were fairly safe, no need to worry about any of them harming the art. Or yourself.

This morning, you woke up and turned on the television just in time to see the news reporting on the threats: some unidentified group with a vendetta against anyone who fought for the rebellion. You supposed living on a Core planet, where the New Republic held plenty of power, you should be safe, but that didn’t stop you from wearing your most battle-ready outfit that could still appear formal enough for your store.

The Bothans’ discussion seemed to quiet down when the bell rang again and a tall looking man walked in, dressed in tactical pants and wearing a jacket that could hide any number of weapons. You reached down beneath your desk, hand grasping for the blaster you kept there. You didn’t like the look of the guy.

“I was told this was the place to go if I needed some advice,” the man walked directly towards you, and you inhaled quickly.

“What sort of advice?” you asked.

“My daughter, she likes art, I don’t know what to get for her. She’s getting married next month.”

You dropped your blaster and let your shoulders fall a bit.

“Well, I can certainly help you with that.”

-o-o-o-

Your blaster was pointed directly at the head of one of the guys, finger on the trigger, rage in your eyes. It took less than a quarter of a second to squeeze your hand and the target’s body went limp.

Thwump.

It felt a bit like you had been kicked in the stomach, and whatever it was had you flying through the air for a moment, and sometime during that instant, suspended midair, you felt a brief stinging sensation spread across your lower leg. Then you hit the ground.

Lying there, you watched the blaster fire zoom over you. You couldn’t really feel your leg anymore, so you supposed that was better than feeling whatever had happened.

Your stomach was sore, so was your back. Really, everything hurt. Your vision was a bit foggy around the edges, so you stared up at one of the moons, however faint it appeared in the daylight.

It was admittedly very dumb to accept this sort of job. You had to hand it to Mando, picking out the stupidest shit to get involved in to pay for gas money. The two of you were supposed to be on the run, caring for the Child, staying out of trouble. Not getting shot while being paid to fight for some local clan dispute. There were probably thirty or so fighting. And you two.

You weren’t really sure how much time had passed with you on the ground. All you knew was that wherever you were hit on the stomach hurt more than almost anything you’d ever experienced. The hand clenched over the wound felt slick with what could have been blood, but was maybe just sweat. At some point, the sound of the fighting died down, and the dust began to settle.

A shadow fell over your face as the sunlight was blocked, and you blinked a few times to adjust to the darkness. It was Mando, kneeling next to you.

“I’m fine,” you croak out, knowing fully that it was a lie. Mando probably knew that too, because he pulled your arm off of your stomach. It didn’t take much effort, you didn’t have the energy to protest.

His gloved hands grazed over the wound, gently, and you thought you heard a sound through his modulator that could have been him sucking in his breath. If it had been highly distorted.

“You need to protect yourself more,” he said, roughly.

“I was!” you protested. He was using the same tactic you had used on many others on the battlefield before: outrage the victim so they stay awake long enough to get help. You needed to remind yourself to thank him when you were back on the ship.

Mando’s helmet moved to indicating that he was surveying you for further damage. His gaze stopped at your leg. You know what he’d found. You had begun to suspect it. Blaster fire might not appear too deep, but if set to kill it had a nasty burn that singed off all nerve endings, so you couldn’t even feel the wound as the impact took root deep under the skin.

Suddenly, cool air flooded underneath you and you realized the Mandalorian had scooped you up, cradling you in his arms. He was clearly very strong, but you hadn’t realized how warm he’d feel, even with all the armor on.

Din set down the now empty glass and placed the money next to it. He signaled to the droid that he was done and stood up. Taking a deep breath, he stepped forward, moving through the growing crowd. Big bars and busy planets made him feel much more vulnerable than he was used to, and while the stop was necessary, it was definitely time to leave.

Why the hell did I come here, Din found himself wondering as he felt his panic rising. His step quickened and he became frantic to get out of the establishment.

There were too many people. Too many colors. The sounds were everywhere, people laughing, people talking, someone was singing. He heard the tapping of someone’s fingers on the bar table and the beeping of some sort of device. The live band seemed to be getting louder. Din spun around, no longer sure of where the exit was. His eyes widened and he looked around for some sign of fresh air. He felt like he was suffocating.

Someone walked right in front of him, breathing hot air onto his face. Din gasped, turning, desperate for escape. He was inhaling smoke and alcohol fumes and the stench of sweat and the collision of food from too many different planets. He pushed by whoever was in front of him, and then another, and another. A chorus of protests occurred as he parted the crowd but the division just closed behind him, their faces forgetting him the moment he disappeared.

The light from outside was finally in sight. Din thought he saw a way out but a second later it closed up again. He paused for a moment, trying to breathe as deeply as possible, and out of the corner of his eye he saw it. His reflection.

Din pivoted on his heels to face the mirror. And there he was, face ragged, hair unkempt, facial hair untamed, and above all, it was out there, for anyone to see.

And Din couldn’t help but realize how unappealing he looked. There was safety in keeping his face covered, safety that no longer existed. He didn’t want people to see how he looked. He wasn’t used to the way people judged. The way people look at his face and make assumptions, or worse, read him like a book.

Din’s reflection blinked back at him in unfiltered vulnerability, but his stare was broken as someone else pushed into him, and another walked in front of the mirror.

-x-x-x-

Somewhere in the lower deck the sound of clattering metal rang out along with a stream of expletives, followed by a very prompt, “It’s all good, I’m fine! Everything’s fine!”

Din chuckled to himself, staring off into the emptiness of the Unknown Regions. Thousands of millions of stars without habitable planets. Or with habitable ones, if only the New Republic could touch them.

After visiting every planet in the known galaxy, they hadn’t found a single other creature like the Child. Din looked over at the kid, and it looked back at him, cooing happily. Needing to find its home planet was the only priority, thus the entrance into the Unknown Regions, the lesser explored half of the galaxy.

Din realized he might be the first person looking at some of these stars from this angle, from this distance. The Razor Crest was likely the first ship to pass anywhere near where it was right now.

It was incredibly beautiful.

“Mando!” she called from below, “Food’s ready! You better come down here and eat or I’m gonna rip your helmet off and force feed you.”

“Don’t worry,” Din called back. She had the right to be worried. A few months back she discovered that he wasn’t eating to save rations. They didn’t know how long they’d be out here, didn’t know how long they’d need to make the food last. As soon as she found out, though, running out of food was the least of his worries. She took over all food prep and made sure every day all three of them were eating.

A couple weeks ago they ran across a small habited planet, one of the few ones littering this part of the galaxy, and were able to restock. Even with enough food to last another 6 months in space, Din knew she still worried.

It was nice to have someone who worried about him, not that he would admit that to anyone.

Her head popped into the cockpit, two plates balanced on one hand as she finished scaling the ladder with her other.

“Your plate’s below,” she smiled at him. She said the same thing every day. And she smiled every day, like nothing was wrong or weird about their situation.

Din watched as she set down one plate on the dashboard and knelt with the other in front of the Child and began feeding it. He could tell she had really grown to love the kid. It was sweet to see the two; the kid adored seeing her face, and she was so good at getting it to listen to her.

Din took one last look before jumping down into the lower deck. This was the usual ritual. He would listen to the soft words and sounds exchanged above as he took off his helmet below and began to eat. She knew not to come down until he said so. Din trusted her.

He raised his hands to the sides of his helmet, gently pulled it off, and relished in the feel of the recycled air against his face.

Din loved the feeling without the helmet, but the moments when he got to remove it were rare. Beyond showers, there wasn’t really any time to do it. They slept in too close of quarters to risk taking it off while asleep. The only constant was mealtime.

With a heavy clink the helmet was sitting on the bench next to him, and Din grabbed the plate of food. He ate in silence, as always, listening to the chatter and giggles coming from the cockpit.

Usually this was a pause to eat something, not think too much, and just rest, before getting back to business. What business was when they were floating around aimlessly through unexplored space with no idea where their destination was in the galaxy, Din couldn’t say. But there always seemed to be business.

However, today, when he set down his helmet, it was turned to face him as he ate, and it felt like it was staring right back at him. It was rather menacing. Emotionless. Din felt a chill down his spine as he realized that that was all that anyone knew him by. That was all she saw. Perhaps there was some life in it when a head was inside, but still, that was the face she spent all day staring at.

Din missed being around the other Mandalorians. Seeing all the other masks made it feel like he was a bit more human. Knowing there were other humans doing the same thing. He supposed, though, that the need for a status quo was what made him human.

And, for the first time in years, Din had the urge to climb up to the ladder, helmet left behind, and look at her face to face, take off his gloves, and hold her hand, hold the Child, just touch things with his own skin.

He shook his head as if to try to clear the thought. It scared him, how easily he could break his Creed when left in isolation. He spooned the last bite of the meal into his mouth, and, as quickly as possible, placed the helmet back on his head.

Usually around this time, about 30 minutes before the store closes, the last customer is wandering the rooms, about ready to buy something or leave. Sometimes there’s a final straggler to the end. Maybe, on a holiday, there’s a steady stream and you have to kick people out at closing, but a day like today? A normal day, the middle of the week, nothing special happening? The constant flow of customers was certainly unusual.

It was good for business, and it was nice to talk to the many scholars who had stopped through today, but you were ready to take down the ‘Open’ sign and replace it with the lovely ‘Closed’ one that meant you got to go home.

You desperately wanted to be alone for a bit. You had once gotten completely stir crazy and that want for people led you to this planet. Sometimes you wished you had chosen some Mid Rim planet, but usually that thought was stamped out as you remembered how your stability of life decreased as you furthered from the Core Worlds.

Further out generally meant less New Republic protection, and more potential Imperial influence. As a former fighter who just wanted some peace and quiet, sometimes you had to choose someplace a bit loud.

A young couple burst through the door in a fit of laughter and you looked up to see the two getting rather handsy with each other. It was sweet, and nothing inappropriate enough to deem needing to be broken up. You had paintings more explicit hanging on the walls.

You smiled to yourself at the looks of the other patrons, a mix of disgust, annoyance, and sadness. But there were a few others looking at them with the appreciation of innocent kids in love. Either way, the couple seemed to be there for the art. One pointed at an illustration and the other got incredibly excited, going off chattering about it. The pointer just gazed at the speaker with love in their eyes. No one could be mad at something like that.

-o-o-o-

You lay in one of the small beds, the sheets underneath you disgustingly scratchy and sweaty. You had spent almost a year now on the Razor Crest, drifting through space, and laundry for the sheets was not really a priority for water usage.

You could pretty easily forgive the sheets though, as you were pressed up next to Din, completely naked, sweaty and still slightly shaking in the haze of afterglow. The sex was unforgettable. It was so warm in the ship all the blankets were pooled at the bottom of the mattress. Din’s feet were playing with the fabric lazily.

His condition for this arrangement, starting all those weeks ago, was that you had to be blindfolded, which you couldn’t really complain about. It would have been amazing to take away all restraints and look at Din in the face, but you knew that would never happen, so you figured you’d take what you could get. And the one night turned into two, which turned into so many nights and days you couldn’t even count.

Din’s breath was hot on your neck. His arm curled around your waist, and your back was pressed against his chest. It was something out of a dream. You never once thought you would feel safe and at home enough with anyone to be this vulnerable, but here you were. Din was wrapped around you and you could still feel the ache of him between your legs.

You realized he hadn’t said anything in a while. Ever since you started sleeping together, Din liked to talk. He knew how much you liked hearing his voice without the helmet on. It was a sexy voice, or maybe you just thought anything about him without the armor was sexy because it was so forbidden.

You wriggled a bit and flipped over to face him. Your legs intertwined between his, and you were practically face to face. If you weren’t wearing the strip of black fabric wrapped around your head, his eyes would be right there, staring back at you.

You were a bit jealous of Din. He got to look at you. All of you.

You every day, working around the ship, picking up the Child, singing to yourself or reading on your bed. And these past few weeks, all of you, spread out on his bed, wrapped around him, leaning into him.

All you got were little glimpses of skin when he was careless with his armor or back before the Unknown Regions, when you were both getting injured almost daily, having to patch each other up.

You leaned your forehead against his.

“Din,” you whispered. It still felt like an incredible privilege to get to use that name.

You hand reached up to touch his cheek. He leaned into your touch, and you caressed his face. Your hands felt the curve of his jawbone, the rough brush of a mustache, his soft lips. You trailed over his nose and his brow bones. If you couldn’t see him, you were going to memorize every line and curve of his face. You didn’t know the colors, but you had a pretty good idea of what he looked like.

Your hands joined forces as they moved down his body, first across his neck, then his chest, and his waist, then, teasingly, right back up to his face again. You had him moving slowly in tandem with you.

You rolled your hips into him softly. There was no intention of a round two, you were both too exhausted for that, just the need for him to be closer. To feel him.

“Din, talk to me,” you said, in between soft kisses to his face, “you’re being quiet.”

His hands shot down to your hips, pushing you back. He rolled off the bed. You weren’t sure what to do. You weren’t sure what you did.

There was a thump on the ground that sounded a lot like his shoes. Din was putting his clothes on. You could hear the rustling. Then the hiss the helmet made when he put it on his head. The door opened, but the closing sound never happened. The methodical sound of feet and hands on the ladder came next. He had gone up to the cockpit, leaving you on the bed.

You rolled onto your back, unsure of what to do next.

Usually, Din would tell you when it was good to look. Usually, he would reach around your head with his gloved hands, gently pushing back your hair. Usually, he would carefully untie the fabric, making sure none of your hair got caught. Usually, you would open your eyes to see him with the helmet, and you could always imagine the smile that lay underneath.

You knew he was gone. He had just up and left you in bed. You reached up to remove the blindfold. You blinked a few times to adjust to the light. The cold air drifting around the room reminded you that Din hadn’t even thought to close the door behind him. You looked around for your clothes, finally seeing where he had likely threw them in the heat of things. Slowly, you got dressed.

The fabric of the blindfold was draped over your hands, and you folded it over itself a few times before setting it down in the center of the bed.

Din wasn’t used to planets with this many paved roads. The years on Nevarro and running around the Outer Rim had gotten him used to dirt alleyways and uneven ground. He found himself enjoying the luxury of not having to worry he would twist an ankle. It was helping distract him.

Even outside the bar, it still felt like there were too many people. He was sweating, his legs were shaking, and he was feeling a bit dizzy. After about 5 minutes of walking he wasn’t sure if it was the remnants of the panic attack that were causing the feelings, or the nerves of where he was going.

A friend had told him where he would need to go, right down to the turns to make on every street. He never imagined that when he was this close he would be regretting even coming.

Din shook his head. He took a deep breath in, he only hoped he had the right place.

-x-x-x-

It had been 10 long weeks. Din could count the number of words she had said on his two hands.

Every day he would wake up, and she would be either holed up in her bed, reading or writing, or up in the cockpit, sitting in the pilot’s seat, staring into the galaxy. As soon as she realized he was there, she’d get up, and leave the room. Probably go to the bathroom. She’d spend an hour playing with the Child. Then go through the whole ship, checking for damage. Not that they’d ever sustain anything. They never encountered anyone. Every time they found a planet within the habitable zone, scanners would show it as too dangerous for even the Child to survive.

After scanning the ship, she’d go back to the kid. Then make food. If Din was lucky she’d leave a plate for him. The two times they found a planet to stop, refuel, and stock up, everything was done in silence. Sometimes she’d disappear for an hour, probably just to run and stretch her legs.

He’d often catch her staring at a spot on the wall, tapping her fingers or bouncing her leg. She’d sit like that for impossibly long periods of time. He knew the isolation was getting to her.

Every so often, she’d walk into his room, or up to the cockpit where he was flying, and look like she was about to say something, but stayed silent.

The first week of this, Din blamed himself: if only he hadn’t allowed them to get so close, then he wouldn’t have had to call it off. But in the end, he figured this was inevitable.

Calling their arrangement off was truly for the best. The guilt had increased to an unhealthy level, and Din knew it would eventually kill him.

In just a few weeks, he had broken the Creed so many times. Once or twice, sometimes even three times a day. He swore, years ago, to never take off the helmet in the presence of a living being. Even if she was blindfolded, it didn’t really matter.

Din wrote his own behavior off as just a reaction to the months of loneliness, the lack of other people. He never really considered she would be struggling with the same thing.

The sound of her steps alerted Din to the presence of someone else in his quarters. She stood in the doorway, leaning as if to take another step, but unsure if she could. The Child had followed her down, and was standing at her feet, looking up at her face.

“Refueling. 20 minutes,” she said. Her voice was quiet but hoarse. He supposed that after so much lack of use, that was to be expected. She disappeared back up to the cockpit.

Din got up to see this planet she spoke of. Standing upstairs, the whole universe taking up most of his vision, Din felt it was almost normal. The three of them were there, watching their destination come closer, the Child standing on the dashboard, Din standing silently, and she was sitting, flying the ship with a gentleness rarely experienced.

Down on the surface, the planet was stuck in time. It appeared to be a Galactic Republic station, stuck almost 50 years in the past. Aside from the feeling they were walking around a scene from a documentary, it was practically the same as an Inner Rim planet.

Din wandered around with the Child as she went off to restock on food. He visited shop after shop, asking around if anyone had seen a species like the kid. No luck.

After a few hours, Din walked into a cantina, hoping to find some fresh food for the kid, but upon realizing she was already there, turned around to leave. There was no use trying to talk to someone who had chosen to isolate herself from him for almost 3 months. Before he walked out the door, he couldn’t help but notice the way she was talking, happily and smoothly, smiling at some girl she was sitting next to. She looked almost completely normal again. Din smiled to himself. That was good.

Their other refueling stops had allowed them to stretch their legs, and maybe see about 10 other sentient creatures. They hadn’t gotten proper socialization in over 6 months.

Din returned to the Razor Crest, letting the kid play around in the dirt with some scrap metal lying around at the docking station. He sat on the edge of the open cargo door.

She showed up after a while, boxes in tow, and began loading them back onto the ship. No words were spoken. Din stood up to help, but she just brushed by him.

“Hey,” Din said, desperate for answers as this point, “what’s wrong?”

She froze. She slowly set down the boxes where she was, standing on the deck of the Razor Crest, looking down at Din.

“What.” she said, it wasn’t a question. It was empty.

“What’s wrong with you?” Din shook his head, “You were all excited and normal in the cantina back there. And here, with me, you’re silent.”

It was like a fire had been started, and Din could see it in her eyes.

“Why did you walk away?” she said. It was calm. Too calm, almost deadly.

“What?” it seemed like Din was always the one confused.

“Why did you walk away? We were fine, happy even, and you stood up in the middle of it, and left,” her voice steadily rose as she spoke, by the end she was yelling.

So it was about me, Din realized. “Did you really think we could keep doing that? Being like that?”

“Did I think we could keep doing that? Of course I did! I… I thought we had something, and you just pushed me away!” She had walked down the cargo door, and was now standing in front of Din.

“I had to push you away!” Din yelled, “I couldn’t keep doing that, what we did, I can’t do. I’m not allowed to!”

“You’re not allowed to? What kind of utter bullshit is that?” She spat at him, “We were alone in the fucking galaxy, on your fucking tiny ship, with nothing to do, and you weren’t allowed to? Says who?”

“Says the Creed,” Din was glad he wore a helmet at times like this, so people couldn’t see the tears threatening to spill out. He knew he was losing her, but he wasn’t going to just let her go so easily.

“Your damn Creed isn’t an excuse to just fucking disappear without any explanation, and if it is, than it’s shit... You’re shit,” she was only getting started, Din could feel that. But she insulted the Creed, and she couldn’t get away with that.

“The Creed isn’t just what I follow. It’s who I am. And if you can’t deal with that, then you shouldn’t have even gotten involved with me in the first place,” he didn’t realize what he had said until it was out of his mouth.  

“Well maybe I regret getting involved with you,” her words were like alcohol on an open wound, “I regret every single touch, moment, and word. I lie awake at night wishing I could scrub my body clean from the memory of you.”

“Oh, you’re telling me,” Din was incredulous, and increasingly mad, “I want nothing more than for that time together to have never happened. To have never met you. To have never had to help you deal with the fact you can’t even handle a few months alone in space. I wish I didn’t have to help you by doing things I never wanted to do. By doing you.”

At that, she took a step back. Something switched off and her body seemed to deflate.

“So that’s why,” she whispered under her breath, just barely loud enough for Din to hear, and his heart broke.

He hadn’t meant it. Din wanted to take it back, to pull her into his arms and never let go, but he knew he had just lost the right to ever touch her again.

“I can’t do this anymore, Mando,” she said, and his breath hitched at the sound of that name. It was only used by strangers and acquaintances who didn’t realize there was a person underneath the beskar.

“I can’t do this,” she continued, “not when it’s killing me.”

She turned around and walked with as much strength as she could, walked straight back into town, leaving Din standing, back against his ship, staring until she had faded from his view, only sliding down to sit when he realized he’d never see the more important person in his life again.

10 minutes until closing. You were sitting at your desk, across the room from the front door, tapping your fingers rhythmically on the table. You wanted to go home. It had been a long day. But, true to the sign on the door, you would be open for another 10 minutes. Minutes that seemed to be passing as slowly as imaginable.

People seemed to keep coming in and no one was leaving. It was your worst nightmare. The bell rang. Some woman walked in. It rang again. Three students entered as a guy left. It rang again. Some sort of wookie-like creature walked in. You almost groaned out loud. Standing up, you turned around to check the back room. The droids in the gallery would be fine for a few seconds.

The back room was clean. The droids were talking to one another, and had no more work to do. You could only spend so much time in the back room.

Back out in the main space, you sat down, checking the time. 8 minutes and 30 seconds. This was actually the worst. You stared at the datapad you used to get customer information. After about two minutes of staring intently at the ‘Given Name’ box, and the doorbell ringing about 4 more times, hopefully for some customers to leave, you felt a presence in front of the desk.

You looked up. It was some guy, tall, sort of bulky, but strong looking. His hair was a mess, and his facial hair was worse, the only well-groomed thing was the mustache. He wasn’t familiar, definitely not a regular, probably not even from the planet. You couldn’t even begin to describe the look on his face. It was one you had never seen on someone in an art gallery who wasn’t looking at a piece. It was rich with emotion, pain probably, and he looked incredibly distraught.

Why would a guy, looking like that, be entering your shop and coming straight to the desk?

“Can I help you?” you asked, looking into his face.

-o-o-o-

You spent a solid 3 hours crying in an alleyway after storming off. You had watched the Razor Crest take off in the distance after the first hour, and watching everything you knew and loved soar into the sky and out of the atmosphere only brought on more tears.

The sun had set and the light was growing dim when you finally found yourself shakily standing up to find someplace to sleep. The cantina you were at that morning had a few rooms, and you spent half of all the money you had on you for food and a bed for the night.

The room was huge, as was the bed. After over a year of knowing nothing but narrow, hard bunks, it should have been an undeserved luxury, but as you lay in the center of the mattress, you knew you would give anything for the small room you called home.

Your heart ached for Din, and the Kid. You were already regretting leaving, but the regret tears quickly turned back into those of hurt when you replayed Din’s last words in your mind.

Had you really made him feel like you had forced him to have sex with you? Was your relationship founded upon any actual emotions on his part? Clearly everything you thought was true was a lie. All those nights, him holding you so tenderly in his arms was nothing more than him feeling like he owed you a service.

The pit growing in your stomach hardened. You felt sick. You felt dirty. You had hurt Din in ways you didn’t even realize, and when it all was too much for him, he left you in your solitude for weeks. Looking back, you supposed you deserved it for what you had done to him.

You had loved him. You knew that. The fact you were realizing this in the midst of what you could only describe as a breakup only caused you to shake with the sobs that overcame you once again.

You don’t know when you fell asleep, but at some point the tears turned to heavy breathing as your eyelids grew heavy and you slipped away into the night.

You didn’t sleep well, but the rest was needed, and in the morning you took a long shower, wiping yourself clean of the dried up salty feeling that covered your face and neck from the tears. As you ran a cloth over your body, you remembered your words from the day before. I lie awake at night wishing I could scrub my body clean from the memory of you.

If only you could snatch those words from the air where you spoke them. Maybe if you took them back, Din wouldn’t have said what he had. You could have just gotten back on the ship in silence. It would have killed you to keep going, but it couldn’t have been worse than this. It couldn’t have been worse than knowing how Din really felt.

You trudged down to return your key and grab something to eat. Sitting at the bar, you decided that, at least for the day, you would forget about Din. The day was about figuring out how to get back to civilization. However you could, you would return to the half of the galaxy you knew. Mourning and moping could wait.

With some bounce to your step, you headed right to the port, straight into the offices of the stationmaster.

“What can I do for you?” an ambiguous voice said as soon as you entered. You looked around to see where it was coming from. A head popped up from under the desk, followed by the rest of the body, “Sorry, fixing something.”

You smiled. The stationmaster looked incredibly friendly, and you figured an appeal to her sense of humanity would probably work best.

“I um, I was travelling with a guy,” you started, putting on a slightly sad face, making sure your words dripped with loss and longing, “and he abandoned me here. I, uh, I need to get back home. I can do anything. I’m—I’m good at fighting, and I can pilot a ship, and fix things, whatever. I don’t have much money, but I can work. I just want to go home.”

The woman frowned, extending an arm out to your shoulder, “Darling, I’m so sorry. That’s an incredibly rough thing for a lady like you to go through. I’ve got some captains docked here that might need some help. But may I ask, where is home for you?”

You paused. Home. Home was the Razor Crest. Home was travelling. You hadn’t been back to where you were born for over 15 years. You didn’t know if you had family left, but you figured it was better than nothing. Higher education there was good, you could move somewhere else if things didn’t work out, or if you found a job elsewhere.

You nodded at the woman, “Naboo. My home is Naboo.”

From the moment he reached the door, the only thought in Din’s brain was to turn around, to go back. He had hurt her, he knew that. It was his fault she left. He drove her away. The guilt of that was worse than anything else he had suffered.

Opening the door, he briefly hoped that it wouldn’t be her, that he was on the wrong planet, and had gotten some bad info. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened.

But then he looked into the shop and she was right there, staring down at the desk. She looked exactly like she did when she walked away, 3 years ago.

He took a deep breath, and walked up to her. Sensing his presence, she looked up, giving him a quick once over. No recognition lit up in her eyes, and Din didn’t even realize that was what he had expected until it didn’t happen. She asked him if he needed any help.

“To think you’d recognize me,” he mumbled under his breath. This was definitely a mistake. He’d kept her in the dark for so long, she didn’t even know what he looked like.

-x-x-x-

It had been 13 months before Din found the rest of the galaxy. 13 months without her. After the first three, the navigation system in the Razor Crest broke, and Din had no idea how to fix it. She probably would have known how.

A month of completely blind wandering led him to a planet where he found a small village of the little green creatures that the Kid belonged to. Seemed like they had been missing the little thing.

He knew he should have been happy. Happy that he finally found the planet. Happy for the Kid. Happy for its family. But lifting off from there, after hugging both the Child and its relatives farewell, he felt empty. He had no idea where in the galaxy he was, if he was still even in the galaxy, and without current coordinates he couldn’t plot a route home. And he was completely alone.

Now, after 9 months with no human contact, Din could officially say he had lost it. Wandering the Razor Crest, no armor on, for hours, course set to keep going in one direction until a barrier appeared on the sensors.

He would pace for hours, talking to himself. Replaying the conversations he had with her in his head. Sometimes, he would look up at the door to what used to be her room, and he would think he saw a glimpse of the yellow sleeves of her favorite shirt, and he would dash into her space, apologizing, before collapsing on the floor upon realizing she was gone. Din lost count of the number of hours he wasted crying next to her bed.

Sometimes the ship would stop, having detected an asteroid belt or an uninhabited planet. Sometimes Din would land the ship, and upon confirmation of breathable air, he would walk out and wander the barren surface.

He would wonder why no one had explored this part of space. Why no one came out here to terraform. It couldn’t be that hard, could it? So many of the planets were already halfway there.

A couple times he was lucky to find some edible plants. But now Din was running out of food. He hadn’t planned on so much time without contact, without the nav system, without people. Rationing began after two months, back when he thought he’d find the civilization he knew within another month or so. He was so wrong.

He was sitting in the corner of the ship, almost directly underneath the ladder to the cockpit, where he had been for the past 2 hours. He was scratching patterns into the walls, mumbling to himself. There was not much left within him that could be called human. That had been left behind a long while back.

The ship lurched to a halt, and Din startled out of his semi-unconscious state, jumping to his feet. Scrambling, he climbed the ladder, revealing what had stopped the Razor Crest. It was right in the center of view, through the windows of the cockpit.

A planet.

And not just any planet. This was one he knew. One that lay on the Outer Rim, considered the Last Stop Until Nowhere. He cranked the speed up, and set course to land at the largest city.

As soon as the cargo bay door swung open, Din was running out, wearing nothing but a pair of black pants and a grey shirt.

First stop was a cantina. He practically flew in, startling the bartender and the clientele, but when they realized it was just another guy, the stares turned back towards drinks and food and conversational partners.

Din asked for a drink, any drink, and a lot of food, which he wolfed down, much to the horrified look of the staff.

Two drinks in, Din was finally smiling, happy to be looking at the faces of real, live, sentient beings.

Three drinks in, Din was talking loudly with some guy who had lots of good stories of some dramatic happenings from the marketplace that morning.

Four drinks in, Din was sidling up to a nice looking girl.

Five drinks in, Din had his arm around her, whispering into her ear.

Six drinks in, the two were stumbling out of the establishment, the girl giggling, hands all over him.

He hardly remembered that first night back, just an orgasmic haze full of hot touches and passionate kisses. The next morning he was back in the cantina until he got kicked out, and moved to the next.

A week passed in a blur of alcohol, sex, and food.

Until one day he woke up, completely sober, completely naked, in a bed full of prostitutes he didn’t remember meeting, and remembered everything.

He slipped out as quickly as possible, leaving his entire bag of credits for the women. Upon return to the ship, he closed the door and let go of the body-wracking sobs he was holding in.

She was gone, he was alone. She was gone, and he had just had sex with an unidentifiable number of people, and none of them smiled at him like she did. How could he have forgotten that smile?

He spotted the pile of his armor, a pile tossed aside months ago, hardly touched. The mask sitting on top, staring at him with it’s empty, black, linear excuse for eyes. The feeling in Dins chest felt like it was pounding at his ribcage, wanting out before it exploded.

He stood up and walked to the heap of beskar. He couldn’t destroy it. Beskar couldn’t be destroyed by any normal means, so he powered up the ship and took off.

The Razor Crest groaned. He knew it was on its last legs and if it didn’t get repairs soon, it would be gone from his life too, just like everything else.

Up in high orbit, Din jumped back down to the cargo bay. Ships had mostly lost the need for airlocks, but he did have one for disposal purposes.

In his rage, he put his armor into the small space, pushing it as hard as possible to get it to all fit in, and closed the interior door. His finger hovered above the green button for a fraction of a second before pushing it as hard as he could. There was little sound beyond the creak of the outer door opening and closing.

Din wanted to yell. He wanted to scream in anger at everything that had led him here. All he could do was fall to the ground and sit in silence for a while.

When he stood up, he knew he had just opened a door that closed him off from everything he knew.

“Excuse me, sir, but we’re closing,” you said, as the guy just blinked back at you and mumbled something. You were planning on closing right on time, but this guy sort of freaked you out, the way he stared at you. You were closing a few minutes early if it meant he would leave and you could go home.

“Sorry,” he said, with a voice that tugged at something deep in your memory, something you couldn’t place, “I shouldn’t have come.”

“Were you looking for anything?” This was definitely the weirdest interaction of the day. While the guy wasn’t exactly unusual, he just didn’t make any sense. He wasn’t here for the art, it seemed.

A slight breeze brushed against your back as one of the droids slid behind you, the air cold on your bare skin. Your top was hardly covering your stomach and back, which while leaving you exposed, did help you fit in a bit more with the locals. Unfortunately, you weren’t outside where it was warm, and you couldn’t help the jerky shiver that overcame you.

“I’m sorry,” the man said, frowning. His eyes had trailed down your body, and were now very obviously lingering at your midriff, probably noticing the scars from all your fights and blaster wounds. You felt exposed. His gaze wasn’t violating, but it felt like it should have been.

“What?” you asked. Sorry was a weird way to start a conversation with a stranger. Unless he was apologizing for coming in a few moments before closing.

“For coming here,” he said, sounding incredibly hopeless. He made to turn around, but you felt the need to reach out.

“Wait, who are you?” you asked. As weird as the guy was, you wanted to know why he had shown up. What he needed.

He took a deep breath before speaking again, “I found the kid’s home planet.”

Holy shit.

Your eyes widened. It couldn’t be. Could it?

“Din?” you asked, your voice coming out as barely more than a whisper.

He nodded.

At that confirmation, you were overcome with the anger you felt last time you looked at him in the eyes. Before you knew it, you were stood up, leaning over the desk. All you could think of was him telling you how he didn’t want to have been in the relationship you had. You raised your hand, and swiped it across his face. Hard.

He didn’t even try to stop you. Even with the obvious wind up. And that’s what broke your heart. You ran around the desk separating the two of you, so you were standing right in front of him.

There was still pain in his eyes, but there was a whole lot of innocence. You had never looked at his face, but it felt a lot like you had seen it, hundreds of times before. You raised your hand to meet his cheek, where the red from the slap was blossoming.

Holding his cheek, you stared into him, and all he did was stare back, too afraid to say something. Too afraid of what you might say.

His face felt the same as you remembered. His eyes were darker than you expected, and his nose wider than it felt, but it wasn’t as shocking as it should have been. It took those few moments standing there to really understand: the man standing in front of you really was the man you walked away from.

You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug, and only then, when your face was hidden from his, did you let out a few tears. You buried your face into his shoulder. He still smelled the same, the mix of sweat and a faint bit of alcohol and spices from a distant planet. He was the same man you left, and you felt some violent crying threatening to erupt if you didn’t say anything.

“I missed you,” you mumbled into his shirt.

“I missed you too,” he whispered back.

You pulled back, blinking a few times to clear your eyes, “Where the hell have you been? 3 years is a long time.”

He looked down at the floor, then back up at you.

“Enough for you to start a business.” He said, with a weak smile.

You scoffed, “Enough for you to break your Creed, what happened?”

He opened his mouth to say something, but you interrupted, “Wait, stay right there. Let me just close up the shop.”

You paused a moment, holding his shoulders down, as if to try to glue him to the spot. Then you walked around the shop, making sure no stragglers were left wandering the room. The droids did a good job of kicking everyone out, but you could never be sure. You walked over to the door, pulling a key out from your pocket to lock it, and flipped the sign to show ‘closed.’

You rushed back to Din, who was still staring right where you left him, looking lost and small. You took pity on the guy. No matter what he had done, he was here, in your shop, looking absolutely ragged, and you couldn’t help feeling like you were looking at him naked, his face felt like forbidden material. You reached out to his hand, holding it in your own.

“Come on, let’s sit down, I want to hear all about it,” you said, leading Din to the backroom. All your droids were gone already, as they usually were just after closing, so you were left finally alone. You pulled out a couple chairs from the edge of the room, dragging them to a table. He sat down slowly, and you noticed the slight shine in the corners of his eyes that only meant tears.

“So, what happened to you, Din?” you asked.

“Well, after you left…” and Din started talking. He told his story, and you sat across from him, watching the pain and longing. You found yourself crying with him, and you reached out and set a hand on his thigh, soft and comforting. He was beautiful, you noticed, haunted and cautious with every action, but when you looked past the beaten down outer shell, Din was nothing but gentle and caring.

Your quick check of the time revealed you had been talking for over an hour. You had shared your story, or as much of it as you wanted to share, and you were realizing the conversation was ending, and you didn’t know what was next.

You hoped, for everything it was worth, that he would stay, but you didn’t know why he had even come, or what he might ask of you. You had set up a life here, one you never expected, but that you loved. It would break you if he asked you to come with him again. And the worst part was that you knew you would drop everything to fly away with him in a heartbeat.

You had fallen silent, and Din had seemed to notice it.

“Hey,” he whispered, “I know you probably h—I messed up. I didn’t mean a thing I said to you.”

You felt your heart stop. All the anxiety, the doubts, the concerns you have about your past relationship—how much you had given to Din, how much you felt you had stolen from him—they were all gone. Somewhere in the past hour, you had begun to understand that that was true, but his words confirmed it.

“I’m sorry. I was mad, and scared,” Din started again. This was a rare display of pure personal openness from him, and you were frozen, staring at him, clinging to his every word. “I left the bed that day because I knew I had broken the Creed, and my guilt had overcome me. I know I should have told you, but I was scared as hell.”

“Scared of what?” you breathed.

“Scared of how I felt. About you,” he glanced down, “I felt like if I told you why I’d left, I’d have to share everything else too, just to explain it. And if you felt the same way, what that would mean… we’d never have gotten to be with each other the same way again.”

He stared at you, and looking into his eyes you knew what he meant. What he had just said, just not with the same words. I love you.

You reached out to hold his cheeks again, this time your thumb grazing across his facial hair, and traced over his lips. You felt his hot breath, slowly passing over your fingers.

You wrapped your other arm around his waist, and with a surge of confidence, you pulled yourself into his lap, straddling him in the chair. Your chests were touching and you leaned your head in. He matched your motion, and your lips met.

You shuddered as he pulled you in, his tongue teasing you open. He held you around the waist with one arm, the other tangling in your hair, his hand warm against your head. You melted into him, sinking into the ease of it. His lips were warm but chapped, the roughness matching the mustache you felt on your upper lip.

It was like finally drinking water in the desert where you met the second time, soothing and easy and perfect. His hand on the small of your back slipped down lower, pulling you closer and you moaned into his lips. It was everything you never let yourself dream of.

You pulled away, slowly, staring into the warmth of his eye, both of you wanting so much more. Your breath was ragged and uneven when you opened your mouth.

“I would have done anything for you, Din,” you said, “I just wanted a life with you.”

I love you too.

[lovelylogans]

I 100% want to follow you down this path, please tell us the thoughts. The books were a source of frustration for me, because I knew there was a good story and characters in there somewhere, they were just fighting against the (and I say this with the knowledge that these are his only books I've read and I haven't even read these books in such a long time) shitty author. I would very much like to hear any and all rants, and I'm also excited that you liked Iggy! Iggy, Nudge and Max were good

oh he absolutely hired ghostwriters and that’s the reason the books are so inconsistent in plot, there was never a cohesive story except for the first two/three books. the story could have been So Fucking Fire but james MORON patterson said “moneyyyy” and decided to keep FUCKING going to the point where there is a SPINOFF SERIES that i REFUSE to read because i put myself through “nevermore” AND “forever” MULTIPLE TIMES there is NO WAY you can come back from THE APOCALYPSE?????? bro the world ENDED it’s a NUCLEAR WINTER they are STUCK UNDERGROUND

but yes. Opinions. 

look, i go into all this with the full knowledge that “james patterson” didn’t even care enough about the continuing arcs of plot to decide if his heroine’s hair should be blonde or brown (it switched several times; one time i went through and counted how many times it changed, and it was in the double digits) but I Care so here we go

uhhhh, maya/dylan was right fuckin there. it was RIGHT fuckin there and he didn’t even???? IT WAS RIGHT THERE!!!!!!! IT COULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD!!!!! THE REJECTED CLONE AND THE “PERFECT” CLONE THEY WERE RIGHT THERE AND I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER IF THEY EVER MET

maya and dylan both deserved better, in terms of storytelling AND the hate they got from the fandom. dylan was nice, y’all are just mean

except for the part where max was understandably upset by fang leaving and dylan started calling her pathetic for Taking A Breather and Sitting Down In A Tree? fuck that. let the girl have emotions, she was fifteen

ari’s whole arc is HEARTBREAKING, however the fact that they just. brought him BACK from the dead and cloned him SO MANY TIMES let the poor seven-year-old rest in PEACE, PLEASE,

max should’ve been the one to murder jeb batchelder. also when they cast the movie, jeb batchelder’s particular Brand Of Evil can only be achieved by a white man

on the note of casting—max (and the martinezes) are latina, fang is described as “olive skinned” and dark haired so he’s likely also a poc, nudge is black. i watched the jenna marbles movie and like. max is bleach blonde in that movie. maximum “i cut my hair off with a kitchen knife” ride is bleach. blonde. when she is in HIDING in the MOUNTAINS. also ella and dr. martinez, i’m pretty sure, were played by white women, which, :/.

similar to jeb, angel has to be cast as the most White, curly blonde haired, blue-eyed little girl, like the most Innocent looking child possible, because her downfall is straight out of a horror movie. liked her in the first book but by now i would punt her across a football field

iggy was subject to so much ableism. he’s the same age as max and fang and yet he’s lumped in with the rest of “the kids” because he’s blind, he was left behind in the first book with the eight year old when the eleven year old got to come along, and iggy’s character overall deserved better. they describe his wings maybe once in the book and basically all his powers have to do with “regaining his sight” which has some FUCKING YIKES undertones

nudge was subject to Internalized Misogyny from max (which ofc was misogyny from the author) bc she liked to shop, and she enjoyed fashion and pretty things. i adore nudge and she deserved better and you know what, her wanting to stay in a human school and be “normal” was valid of her she was eleven

gazzy’s only personality traits being “farts” and “explosions” ....buddy i’m so sorry you deserved a bit more solid characterization you got flanderized so bad

liked fang but where the fuck did his “immortality” genes come from. legitimately what the fuck. mans DIED a couple books ago and now he’s iMMORTAL?

this bitch.... god him running away? the Letter kind of kills me but also like. bitch. your girlfriend is destined to save the world. she can handle herself. 

in retrospect it was the Most Gen Z Thing Ever for fang to run a blog. if they wrote the books today he would be doing tiktok dances in front of itex blowing up prove me wrong

angel was super overpowered. the mind-reading, mind-controlling, breathe-under-water, talks-to-fish, shapeshifting six year old also gets to be the one who saves the world when the WHOLE BOOK has led up to MAX saving the world??? right. yeah.

no seriously angel was FUCKED UP do you remember the way max REACTED to the chip in her arm in book 1/2 on the beach, and angel STILL KEPT PRETENDING TO BE THE VOICE?????? WHAT???????

the voice could have also been cool but that was fucked up, as was the rest of the plot.

NO SERIOUSLY DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN ANGEL STRAIGHT UP SIDED WITH GUNTHER-HANS AND POINTED A GUN AT MAX SHE WAS SUPER FUCKED UP

snot bubble. SNOT. BUBBLE. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT. THE FUCKING SNOT BUBBLE SAVED THEIR LIVES. WHAT.

i’m probably gonna think of more tbh but that’s what i’ve got right now

[butchgwenwhyvar]

The Star Wars Prequels are a Greek Tragedy

Ok folks, buckle in because this classics nerd has made some Connections™

One of the main themes in the prequels (and by extension, the clone wars) is the inevitability of it all – I know it’s because it’s a prequel and as such, we know their fate, but that’s why it works.

(For the purpose of this meta post, please assume that when I say ‘the prequels’ and proceed to talk about Ahsoka or Rex, I mean ‘the prequels and the clone wars’ – it’s all part of the same story)

 (Important fact that relates to this meta post but doesn’t have much bearing on the actual argument #1: Anakin’s name comes from the Greek Goddess of inevitability, Ananke.)

 But the main argument is this: the prequels follow the format and pattern of a Greek tragedy. A Greek tragedy always has the audience take part in the form of the ‘chorus’ on stage – the chorus keep the story going and tell the audience what’s up, but they also provide an insight into the characters and question the characters on behalf of the audience (most tragedies are set in populated cities and palaces but a theatre troupe was traditionally around 5 people, so they had to get creative with extras and stuff). In the prequels and the clone wars, the role of the chorus is directly on the audience because we know what’s going to happen. We know about order 66 thanks to the start of season 6 and the end of season 7. We know that the sweet nine year old we meet in the phantom menace will become Vader. We know that Padme will die and that the Republic will fall and Palpatine will take power.

 To us, the chorus, it’s inevitable. But we also know the future of the characters, so there’s a thread of dramatic irony woven in (dramatic irony is a central part of the format of a Greek tragedy) because we know about the original trilogy and the fact that Luke will save Vader and the Empire gets royally fucked up by the rebels.

In Greek tragedy, the dramatic irony is a little less on the nose though. In Oedipus the King (Oedipus Rex in Latin), the chorus and the audience know what’s going to happen from the start. By the time Sophocles had written down the play it had already been performed at least once at the Dionysia, an Athenian play festival where everyone got very drunk and people ran play contests – Sophocles was a common contributor to the contests, and it was recorded that he never got below second place. So as this play is being performed in the late third century BCE, it’s been around for around 100 years. The audience knows what’s up – they know that Jocasta is actually Oedipus’ mother, they know that Oedipus is actually the one that killed Laius and is bringing down the gods’ displeasure on Thebes. So when Oedipus and Creon are talking to Tiresias and saying ‘well, someone has to be cursed because that’s the only way we’ve pissed the gods off enough,’ the audience (and to an extent Tiresias, because he was a prophet) get a sense of dramatic irony. It’s similar to the scene in Attack of the Clones when Dooku’s talking about the sith in the senate – we as the chorus and the audience go ‘It’s Palpatine!’ because we’ve seen the originals and we know about the fall of the republic.

The sense of dramatic irony really helps to build the inevitability of it all because as the chorus, we know the future of these characters.

 Another thing that characterises the prequels as a specifically Greek tragedy is the use of fatal flaws and how they relate to the character’s virtues. Anakin’s main character traits are his general mistrust of authority, his sense of personal loyalty and his need to help others – he’s proven that he’d burn the galaxy down for his family and the people he loves, and there’s quite a few poignant scenes in the clone wars EU novels where he’s mourning the clones and generally caring a lot about them (if you want specific novels, Karen Miller’s ‘Clone Wars: Gambit – Stealth’ is excellent and is the source of that excellent ‘blind me and I’ll tell you who laughed’ quote, and Karen Traviss’ novelisation of the clone wars movie has lots of scenes with Anakin being a good bro to Rex and caring about the 501st). Padme’s main trait is her belief in human decency (we’re using human in this case because I’m relating it back to humans) – she cares deeply about seeing the good in people, up to her dying moments. Obi-Wan’s main trait is his dedication to the Order and their rules.

However, if you turn these traits on their heads, you get their fatal flaws and their ultimate downfall. Vader’s issues with authority and his need to save those he cares about lands him in the suit and as the Emperor’s attack dog. Padme can’t see the problems in the republic and all the things going wrong with Anakin until it’s too late because she’s so focussed on seeing the good in what’s left. Obi-Wan fails as Anakin’s mentor because he was too focused on the way things should have been (let the record show I am not shitting on Obi-Wan, this is just my thoughts about the narrative and this part of the Skywalker debacle).

In Oedipus Rex and Antigone (written before Oedipus, set after Oedipus – it’s about his daughter), the same thing happens. Oedipus’ loyalty to Thebes and his unwavering sense of duty makes him an excellent king – he listens to his people and takes their complaints into account. Creon’s ability to stick to the rules and provide a safe kingdom makes him the perfect second choice as king (this will make more sense when I talk about Antigone because Creon is a main character in this play as well – his character arc spans the two plays). Jocasta is kind and sees the best in everyone (I’m sensing a theme). But if you turn that on its head, all the ugly details come out. Oedipus has inadvertently committed one of the worst sins that the gods can think of a punishment for, and he’s promised the people of Thebes that whoever has cursed the land will be banished for life. When he finds out that his wife is also his mother and he murdered his birth father years ago, he blinds himself in shame but asks to stay in Thebes. This is where Creon’s flaw starts to appear – Oedipus asks to stay and Creon casts him out. Oedipus keeps his loyalty to the Thebans by maiming himself and marking himself as the cursed person, but he doesn’t think his actions through. If he’s banished, his four children will also be banished with him and will suffer for the rest of their lives. Staying is the only option. But Creon is too obsessed with placating the Thebans and the gods, so Oedipus and his children are cast out because of Creon’s determination to stick to the rules. Jocasta’s need to see the best in everyone leads to her denying that her husband is also her son, even once she’s put the pieces together – there’s a scene where she’s talking to her main and her maid asks and she refuses to acknowledge it. This leads to her killing herself in shame once the news has gotten out. It’s inevitable. The audience know and love this play. They know what’s coming.

And then Antigone happens. Antigone is Oedipus’ eldest daughter. Her siblings are Ismene, the youngest, Eteocles, and Polynices. Eteocles and Polynices have declared war on each other (Eteocles is fighting for Thebes, where Creon is the king now) and have killed each other. Eteocles is to be buried with full honours, while Polynices’ body is to be left in the dust (the Greeks believed that being buried in the dirt was the only way to get into the afterlife). So Antigone tries to bury Polynices over the course of the story – her main character trait is her loyalty and her persistence. Creon is still too wedded to the rules, but now he’s also stuck on his own idea of power – the king’s word above all else, even the gods.

The play ends with Antigone’s suicide after being banished  to a sealed cave for the rest of her life (she keeps covering Polynices’ body in dirt until Creon gets sick of it and sends her to the cave). Her loyalty and her tenacity have become her downfall and led to her death (for those interested, Antigone’s death led to Creon burying Polynices properly). Creon’s virtues of being a rule-following king lead to him essentially going mad with power, which leads to his son killing himself after he hears of Antigone’s sentence, his wife killing herself after she hears of Haemon’s death, and Creon’s apparent suicide (he gets an open ending but it’s widely accepted that he dies as well).

 Relating this back to Star Wars and the point I made earlier: the prequels are pretty much the only Star Wars media where the character’s virtues become their flaws. It’s very hubristic and I love it. Ahsoka’s virtue is in her persistence and her drive to survive while trying to do what’s right – turn it on its head and she’s unleashing Maul on a bunch of 66’d clones to escape. On first watch, Rex’s virtue seems to be his loyalty to the Republic, but that’s brought into contention in season 1. His actual virtue is his loyalty to his brothers but that’s turned on its head in episodes 11 and 12 when he’s forced to shoot and stun them and know that they’re going to die and there’s nothing he can do to save them, which almost leads to him giving up entirely in episode 12.

 And that leads me back to my main point. George Lucas wrote the prequels and most of the clone wars like the archetype of the Greek tragedy on purpose, to show the inevitability of the story.

The main parts of a Greek tragedy are as follows: Hubris (personal pride leading to a downfall)

The Chorus and the use of dramatic irony

Virtues as fatal flaws

Catharsis

 The main parts of the prequels are as follows:

Hubris (the Jedi and the Republic’s pride lead to their downfall, Anakin and Obi-Wan’s pride leads to Mustafar)

The Audience and the use of dramatic irony

Virtues as fatal flaws

Catharsis

Hope

 Back to inevitability: the use of virtues as flaws leads to the inevitability of the tragedy of Anakin Skywalker. He can’t not be loyal and caring to the point of obsession, jealousy, and overprotectiveness. Padme can’t not deeply believe in the power of human kindness and their ability to believe in a better system. Obi-Wan can’t not be wedded to the rules far too much. To take all of this away from their characters is to leave them as completely different people. An Anakin that doesn’t care as much is an Anakin that’s closer to the ‘perfect Jedi,’ a Padme that doesn’t believe in a better system is a Padme that lets even more atrocities fly under the radar in the senate. An Obi-Wan that’s not wedded to the Code and the Order and the Rules is an Obi-Wan seen in the early Jedi Apprentice books – a Jedi always on the brink of snapping, falling, or expulsion from the Order. So you see these character traits and you see what’s coming and it’s inevitable because these virtues and therefore flaws are what makes the character them, which progresses the story.

 The use of dramatic irony also highlights the inevitability within the stories of the prequels and the tragedies. The audience of the films and the chorus/audience of the plays know what the characters don’t. They know that Oedipus is Jocasta’s son. They know that Antigone and the rest of Creon’s family will kill themselves. We know Anakin will fall. We know Padme will die. We know about the fall of the Republic and the rise of the Empire. But they don’t and that’s why the dramatic irony works so well. We’re on the edge of our seats, waiting for the moment when it all clicks – when someone listens to Fives about the chips and takes action – when Anakin gets help – where Padme survives – where Obi-Wan puts aside the Order and tries to help Anakin and reassures him. But it never happens, and we know that.

Every time we watch the prequels or the clone wars, we think ‘maybe this time it will turn out alright’ but it’s inevitable that it won’t because it’s written like a Greek tragedy and those always end in the darkest possible way.

 There’s another common thread between the prequels and Greek tragedy as well – catharsis. It’s the breaking point and the aftermath, where consequences are dealt out. The catharsis in Oedipus is obvious – it’s when Oedipus blinds himself and is banished. The catharsis in Antigone is subtler but infinitely more painful. Creon is punished for disobeying the gods and as his punishment, Antigone (his son’s fiancée), Haemon (his son), and his wife are all dead, all by their own hand. This brings him shame and it’s widely accepted that he goes off and kills himself, which is even more of a punishment (suicide was not welcomed in the Greek afterlife – they’d often go to the Fields of Punishment or the Fields of Asphodel). The catharsis in the prequels is glaringly obvious in comparison. Anakin faces massive consequences for his actions, which stay with him for the next 25 or so years. He can’t go back to the way everything was, because he’s burnt it all down around him. He’s punished psychologically and physically until his death, as punishment for his mistakes and his actions. The audience feels catharsis here as well, as Anakin doesn’t get away with his actions. His end is especially cathartic, not just because he got his comeuppance, but because he dies to undo a little bit of the horrors he’s committed.

 So the prequels and a Greek tragedy always end in tears, and the quote at the start of the Revenge of the Sith novelisation (thank you Matthew Stover) sums this up perfectly. ‘This story happened a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. It is already over. Nothing can be done to change it. The inevitability of all of these stories I’ve talked about is woven into it’s very fabric, and nothing can be done to change it.

 However, there is one way in which the prequels are different to a typical tragedy – the prequels end with a shred of hope. Tragedies have to finish with the catharsis and complete and utter bleakness and the destruction of a heap of lives – Creon’s family dies, Oedipus loses his wife and his sight, Anakin and Palpatine destroy the Jedi – it’s one of the hallmarks that makes it a tragedy and not just ‘some play by Sophocles.’ The prequels finish with Bail and Breha and Leia in the palace on Alderaan. They finish with Luke with Beru and Owen on Tatooine, where Shmi and Anakin were from. They finish with hope, which is a complete turnaround from the tragedies that the story is written to fit in with.

[reydjarinkenobi]

I think that there’s something that people tend to forget about the Jedi: there are only 10,000 of them and that’s at the start of the war.

I agree with the sentiment that the Jedi have stagnated (the low numbers) and that the war has forced them to undermine what they were originally intended to do. However, that is the whole tragedy of the situation. The Jedi are conscripted as generals in a war that they didn’t want to happen and both the people and the Jedi are suffering for it.

The people on the republic and the fandom unreasonably expect the Jedi to be able to fix every problem in the galaxy. However, there are thousands of worlds in the republic (probably more) and the fact of the matter is that there are only so many Jedi. By season 7 of the clone wars, the Jedi numbers are at an all time low, the fact of the matter is that they physically cannot help everyone. Content that shows Jedi before CW shows that they did have people in the slave rings, in Coruscant on corrupt planets, trying to fix the galaxy, but they only have so much power.

People expect the Jedi to be able to do everything, call them power hungry and child snatchers and stuck up. (Although, I will conced that there are some Jedi who are stuck up and too removed from the people to be able to truly relate to them, which is, I think, one of the two main issues with the Jedi Order we see in the CW).

However, the Jedi we see are at their most powerless. The corruption in the senate and the political machinations of palpatine mean that they are more enslaved to the senate than ever. Though some people may view them as such, the Jedi are not gods, they cannot perform miracles. In fact; how can you call the Jedi power hungry when it is their inherent lack of power and influence within the senate that had them in this situation. We see how much power they have lost between TPM and CW, where Qui-Gon could be sent on a mission with just a personal request from a politician (the chancellor at the time was the one that asked them to go to the aide Naboo because the Senate would not vote to help them. And at the time, the chancellor didn’t have nearly as much power as palpatine does. The republic was at piece and the chancellor mostly acted as a mediator for the senate rather than the almost absolute ruler palps is by CW). Now the Jedi are forced to do what the senate says, and because of this position that they were sourced into, even their own internal matters are often brought before the senate.

This isn’t even counting the fact that Sidious is literally clouding the Force. It is stated multiple times in the movies and in the shows as well as having been outright told to us by Lucas the Palps is using a very powerful force technique which basically fucks up the Jedi’s ability to use the Force to sense deception and find the truth. (See the million times Yoda or some other master says the Force is clouded.)

I agree that the Jedi Order should have taken the threat of the Sith far more seriously than they did after TPM. However, there also hadn’t been a Sith on their radar for one thousand years. Yoda, the oldest Jedi, had never seen a Sith. It is understandable that the Jedi would try and deny their resurgence, since it’s natural that they would not want that to happen. This is a failure of the Jedi Order. In this case, they react out of fear which definitely contributes to their later downfall.

However, Palps gives no indication to people that he is anything other than a (possibly corrupt) politician. The Jedi can’t sense him and they would have no reason to think he’s a Sith Lord. They can sense that Dooku is a Sith, they could sense that Maul is a darksider. There is no reason that the Jedi should think that there is a Sith that can completely mask his darkness because they have never encountered someone like that before.

As for the baby snatchers, I mean come on, seriously? In the CW, there is literally an episode which shows that the Jedi do encourage people to hand their children over, but by no reason force them. Anakin was an unprecedented event and the Council would actually have preferred that Anakin grow up with his mother (although they did address the whole Shmi situation incredibly wrong, they should have freed her. However, that then feeds into the fact that they would then be morally obligated to free all the slaves on Tattooine which would mean taking on the Hutts, which the Jedi did not have the resources to do.) if the Jedi were baby snatchers, there would not only be 10,000 of them. They would steal any child that had any semblance of force power, as we know that with enough dedication and training even someone who has average raw power can become very skilled and powerful (Obi-Wan being the best example).

Again I want to emphasise how few Jedi there were. That is 10,000 total. Not 10,000 knights and masters , 10,000 including all the Padawans and younglings and masters so old they can’t fight anymore. (I don’t know if this includes the corps workers in this but we can assume their number isn’t that much larger). That’s 10,000 across the entire galaxy. To put that into perspective, the Rebellion at the end of the OT had 1 billion people across the galaxy, and they were still reported as a relatively small movement. The Jedi would be a small organisation even if they operated just on modern day Earth. And by this point in the CW, the Jedi have even lower numbers.

Ahsoka’s anger in the latest episode is entirely justified. She was scapegoated for a crime she did not commit. Yes all evidence pointed to her and objectively she could have been charged, but she had sacrificed so much for the Order by that point, she rightfully believes she should have early their trust. (Although, I do think both Plo Koon and Obi-Wan argued for her, but in the absence of evidence were only able to vouch for her from her strength of character, which really doesn’t cut it in that sort of investigation).

Her frustration at the order’s inability to help the people like it had been before the war is reasonable. The Jedi should be helping people like Trace and Rafa, and before the war they would have. Now the Jedi are caught up in trying to stop the Separatists invading and enslaving entire worlds. That whole situation is for another post because this one is way too long already and I haven’t even gotten to my point.

I think Ahsoka’s accusation that the Jedi are too involved in politics (even though her attack at Obi-Wan is also personal because of her thinking that he didn’t try and help her before, which is correct from her perspective. Obi-Wan was obligated to go with the Council’s decision and was powerless to fight i and uggfgh that scene hurts me because my two favourite characters are fighting) is ironic since it was the Jedi’s separation from politics which got them into that situation in the first place. If the Jedi had had a representative in the Senate, or hell, even more people dedicated to monitoring the politics of the Senste, they may have been able to circumvent the war before it even started or at least give themselves a little more agency in this war.

Ahsoka’s argument is ultimately unfair in my opinion even though she is making a very relevant point. The Jedi have, at this stage, stopped functioning in the capacity that they were originally supposed to. However, there is nothing they can do to stop it at this stage.

I think people are forgetting the absolute genius of TCW and that PT in that it is one of the hugest examples of dramatic irony in modern day narratives. Yes, from an outside perspective, I can say that the Jedi were too removed from the people and were failing to uphold their values. I can see that palpatine is manipulating everything and that he is the Sith Lord. However, the thing is the characters can’t. If I was a Jedi, I would be too blinded by this war and keeping my men alive whilst also trying to stop the Separatists to pay attention to the intricacies of the Senate, if I was a citizen, I would see this war and the Jedi leading it and demonise them because they are the most visible people for me to hoist my resentment on. Padmé states that the war is affecting the people. The republic are in debt and their support network for their people is suffering because of it.

Yes, the Jedi should have done a lot of things differently. Yes there are Jedi (particularly some on the council) who are up themselves. But the Order as a whole is not to blame. Jedi as a people are largely just trying to do the right thing. They lead their men because if they don’t the Seperatists will continue to take over worlds and enslave them. They are forced to make impossible decisions and it is destroying them. We see this in Ahsoka’s resentment, we see it in the way Anakin is so desperately trying to hold on to both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka, we see it in the absolute defeat that we can see in Obi-Wan in this episode.

Let’s not forget that Sidious is the real bad guy here and that he is a genius at manipulation. By this stage in the CW, the Jedi are powerless to save themselves and the galaxy. We can blame anyone else all we want but ultimately this is a terrible tragedy and the Jedi do not deserve what is about to happen to them.

[naysaltysalmon]

Shoutout to @tiburme for tagging me~!

Rules: Name 10 favorite characters from 10 different things and then tag 10 people.

Oh, massive spoilers below btw.

1. Gon Freecss from Hunter x Hunter: My favorite shounen protagonist by far. At first you think he’s your typical happy-go-lucky bouncy boye :D who definitely doesn’t have abandonment issues or self-destructive tendencies that literally actually almost kill him later on, and then, uwu... The amount of complexity that Gon has as a protagonist who hardly ever has stand-alone development is nothing short of astounding. How during the Chimera Ant Art his characterization totally dips off to the side to become an unknowable entity even to the audience, while still retaining amazing character development regardless -- not to mention how brilliantly daring his decision to threaten Komugi is that nearly every other author with such a happy-go-lucky protagonist would shy away from in cowardice -- is absolutely surreal to me. The more I think and write about Gon, the more I fall in love with him. If I ever meet his father, and by that I mean his real father, the creator, Togashi, I have nothing else to say but,,, well done, sir.

2. Tanjirou Kamado from Demon Slayer: I’m really hoping the Demon Slayer movie comes out soon because I absolutely love this boy and how charming he is. Unlike most protagonists, not just of shounen anime but of seemingly macho story lines that involve power-ups and training in general, Tanjirou never lets go of his kind heart. (Welp, except maybe in some cases when he’s facing the Upper Moons later on -- I haven’t caught up yet -- but WE’RE GONNA IGNORE THAT for now.) From the beginning, Tanjirou’s kindness isn’t an obstacle holding back his power, though other characters pose it that way, but rather he cultivates his empathy to grant peace to the demons he faces. He smiles in the face of anyone who treats him poorly because of his cluelessness, and that’s just so heartwarming to see, and dare I say subversive to the hardened, calculating, and cocky male protagonists we so often get. Good job, Gotouge.

3. Joseph Joestar from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Giorno Giovanna was a close second, but I gotta go with Joseph. He’s the one who made me fall in love with the series, and with the later parts too. Unlike Jonathan Joestar, who was chivalrous and manly, Joseph was a riot: colorful, arrogant, funny, but also extremely clever. I absolutely loved his, “Next you’ll say...!” because at first I expected it to just be him being an overconfident asshole and eventually he’d be proven wrong at the ~Dai Pinchi Moment~ (please excuse my weeb speech, I legit didn’t know what else to call it), but then he hit the mark every time and eventually I was just waiting for when he’d pull that out and it was so hype. Also I surely can’t forget his transformation as an old dude in Part 3 -- him screaming “OOHHHH MY GAAAWDDDA!” and “HOLY SHIIIT!” murdered me every time. And of course, last but not least, the raw fucking emotion when Caeser died -- the dude actually gave a shit and wasn’t made entirely of wit and absurdity, but heart too. Joseph set the tone for what JJBA was as a whole for me (fuck off with that “but Part 3/Part 4 is the best Part” bullshit, Part 2 will always be top tier for me because of Joseph Joestar’s brilliant, bright, and beautiful absurdity -- but Part 5 was really good too). Araki really is a genius.

4. Link from The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess: My love for this series is a bit older than the series I’ve already mentioned, and TLoZ: TP was actually probably the first time I got seriously obsessed with a fandom. I love all the Links in their own ways, but Twilight Princess really drove home the “lone wolf chosen by the gods, fighting against the world” narrative for me. It made me feel important and strong at a time when no one cared about me. Seeing Link struggle silently through his quest with villagers who meant well but did nothing for him, and Midna who started out as a reluctant acquaintance and eventually became so much more, meant so much to me at the time I played the game. I will always love Twilight Princess the most because of what it did for me at one of the darkest times in my life, and because I felt completely and utterly immersed in every part of the story and gameplay through Link’s character, who was, and in many ways, still is, so relatable to me: Silent courage really is what I use to get through every day.

5. Greedling from Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood): For once I’m not naming the protagonist of a series! Lissen, I still smile whenever I see the slightest reference to Edward Elric, but now he’s more of my childhood love. He’s just a part of my personality already? LOL. Anyway, FMA(B) has so many good characters that choosing just one doesn’t feel right (I mean, same with HxH tho). I say Greedling because that encompasses both Ling and Greed though, two of my favorite characters from the series! Ling’s apparent childishness in constantly running away from fights, making other people pay for his food, and failing to grasp the seriousness of the situation (until Lan Fan’s arm gets cut off lol oops) is so adorable and entertaining. He’s the best kind of idiot asshole, and I especially love how he teases Ed. After him and Greed fuse, Ling’s stout heart becomes even more apparent, as he constantly eggs Greed on to remember his past life, his friends, and become someone outside of Father/the Dwarf in the Flask. Conversely, Greed’s nonchalance and (of course) avarice are nothing short of entertaining and heartbreaking. Greed’s realization at the end, when he finally admitted to himself that what he wanted all along were “friends like these,” completely crushed me the first few times I watched FMAB. And when he’s screaming in the tunnels under Central after having killed Bido, remembering his friends, and he doesn’t understand why, and later attacks Wrath/King Bradley... that shit was so entertaining and cathartic to watch. None of his development feels like forced redemption, nor like it was too little development, since it mostly happens in the background and away from the “validating eyes” of the protagonists other than Ling. And at the end, when Ling and Greed work together to take down Bradley and all the soldiers invading Central HQ... it’s so beautiful. Many have said this before but I’ll say it again: Hiromu Arakawa wrote the perfect series.

6. Ciel Phantomhive from Black Butler: Another protagonist! And another older obsession of mine. Ciel remains in my mind to this day mainly for his heartlessness in relation to his age, and the fluidity with which Toboso tells his story. Normally when authors write younger characters into their serious stories, they make “child adults” of sorts, but Ciel feels totally realistic to the extent that he is both childish and adult to me. Obviously, Ciel is responsible and (normally) level-headed due to being the head of the Phantomhive household, but also from trauma. Yet, his cruelty at times is what sticks in my mind the most: You really feel that he’s someone who feels he’s been abandoned by the entire world, given his experiences, and that makes him disregard or use others sometimes in order to reach his own ends. Normally, authors would be too cowardly to let their protagonists, let alone child protagonists, go to such lengths to avenge their family, or carry out their duty as the dog of the military (looking at you, Arakawa -- she’s still a goddess tho). But Ciel is unforgiving. He lies to Snake and tells him his troupe is still alive. He murders the entire troupe because he’s triggered -- a childish decision, but driven with adult-like power due to trauma. It’s devastatingly riveting, and I cannot forget his unrelenting, contained rage to this day.

7. Ahsoka Tano from Star Wars: The Clone Wars: This one may come as a shock to most of you, because I hardly ever post Star Wars let alone Ahsoka content on here -- but it’s true. Other than the blatant, half-assedly inserted heteroromantic partner they gave Ahsoka in, like, idk season 3??, Ahsoka is a fucking goddess. From her origin as a wee baby in the earlier seasons who didn’t really know what she was doing and was a bit of a cocky brat, to how she matures and becomes wise, resourceful, and fierce in the later seasons, I just love Ahsoka’s design and character to this day. The episodes that stick in my mind aside from the obvious are when she’s possessed by the Dark Side of the Force on that Force balance planet and her arrogance becomes so exaggerated that she threatens and attacks Anakin, her teacher. It was so fucking cathartic. Normally female characters, let alone young protagonist female characters, are never allowed to show the ugly sides of themselves in fiction, since women are always portrayed as perfect beautiful majestic angels or some bullshit like that. (Or they’re cocky/sexy/slutty villain women. ‘Kay then.) Seeing Ahsoka devolve into her basal desires and come out of it like hardly anything happened and she’s still a perfectly valid character was so amazing to see on a meta level; it wasn’t about her learning a lesson or anything, it was a thing that happened like any other character and then they moved the fuck on. I also distinctly remember the episode where she was trapped on that island/planet and she had to take out the aliens that were after her all by herself. That was so fucking empowering to watch and god fucking dammit I need to rewatch this series now. And of course, let us not forget the fact that the entire time, we were all expecting Ahsoka to just be another domino in Anakin’s downfall -- and she was, but not through the refrigerator -- but through walking away from it all. That was so powerful and moving -- and heartbreaking. By the end of TCW, her character carried weight and agency in the narrative, and god, I only wish whoever wrote her could write more female characters in the future.

8. Tigress from Kung Fu Panda: Maybe another surprise, but I think she deserves this spot. Tigress is a female character who starts out as kind of an antagonist, given how she outright tells Po to leave the kung fu temple within the first day of him arriving. She’s even jealous of the fact that he’s chosen as the Dragon Warrior rather than her -- but that’s due to the backwash of years of trying to live up to the memory of Tai Lung in order to please Shifu (which means “master” in Chinese but ok I’ll shut up now), her master and mentor over the years. She never says this out loud in the movie, which is what makes her character more believable. Others even joke about how stoic she is (and not in bad taste). Her character development is definitely present for those who are looking -- but I put her on this list because I’m so happy the movie doesn’t make it some huge dramatic emotional thing, because so often in media women are depicted as being overly-emotional and here Tigress is just a hurt child trying to make her mentor happy. But, she gets over it, her and Po become allies, even friends to each other -- she and Po talk like equals in the second and third movies, and she even tells him to back out of the fight with Lord Shen and he listens (I mean he doesn’t stay put but he doesn’t undermine her opinion either lol, like most jokesy protagonists of Western media would -- looking at you, Marvel). I like Tigress because she’s an antagonist without being a bitch, she’s powerful without being overpowered, and she’s not sexualized despite being a well-trained, at times jealous, and even emotionally awkward kung fu master. And I almost forgot to mention the best part: There is never an indication of romance between her and Po, or any other character, for that matter. She’s perfectly capable, complex, and lovely on her own terms. And that’s that on THAT.

9. Bilbo Baggins from The Hobbit: I wanted to include at least one character protagonist from a live-action movie/book, lol. I feel like Bilbo’s pretty self-explanatory. He doesn’t wanna go on an adventure because he likes his doilies and warm sheets, but then Gandalf seduces him with the call to the outside world and possible death (LOL), and he fucking goes for it, grumbling the entire time. Isn’t that what any of us would do if given such a proposition? I like to think so. Bilbo obviously has his own gradual, evil transformation with the One Ring, becomes murderous and uses it to disappear, and grows a strong bromance with the King Under the Mountain (which happens in both the movie and the book), but I think what I like about him is that he really feels... down-to-earth? Like even though the adventure changes him, it never feels like he’s been stretched in a way that makes his core character traits of grumbling and bluntness disappear. He gets better at the whole adventuring thing, for sure, but he remains Bilbo, at least, to me, throughout the journey. It was heartwrenching watching him try to save Thorin in The Battle of Five Armies, honestly, but Bilbo’s the kind of character that I feel like has his own story and mythology aside from The Hobbit, and maybe that’s just the result of J.R.R. Tolkien writing the lore for every aspect of his universe, but My Point Still Stands. He feels like his own man apart from the series he’s in, yet he’s still so much fun in his series.

10. Barley Lightfoot from Onward: And last, this one is because I saw Onward yesterday and was pleasantly surprised by the characterization in it -- and anyone who thinks differently can kiss my *ss. :) I was not expecting the movie to take the twist of fleshing out the “annoying” (more like adorable) overconfident nerdy big brother. Normally those characters are swiped to the side because God Forbid The Comic Relief Have Any Sadness In Them. I was expecting the movie to focus on Ian’s journey to meet his fatha and that the movie would pull something stupid at the end like “oh actually there’s another phoenix gem underneath the school” or “actually since only his legs appeared then you still have 24 hours with him” or some shit like that, but I guess this isn’t an anime so those absurdist explanations wouldn’t hold water anyway. But still, for a kid’s movie, I was NOT expecting this movie to go so hard with the characterization. For once, the main character doesn’t get what he wants at the end, and instead realizes it’s his big brother, Barley, who’s been looking out for him his entire life. Meeting his dad would betray that reality. What happens instead is that the lovable big brother never actually said goodbye to their dad before he died, because when their dad got sick, said brother ran away from the hospital room in fear of all the life-sustaining equipment. (Is this some meta thing about Chris Pratt and Guardians of the Galaxy? Off topic and call me stupid, but I didn’t realize Chris Pratt plays him until I saw everyone freaking out about it afterward on Tumblr laksjdflak.) So instead, the lovable big brother talks to the dad at the end, and unconfident younger brother grows confidence and thanks big bro for being with him his entire life. It was so touching, dude. I cry. But the moment that sticks in my mind the most was when Ian was crossing the invisible bridge... Ian needed to have confidence in himself to be able to cross over a chasm in their path, and Barley knew that if Ian didn’t believe in himself, he would fall and die. They tie a rope around Ian for good measure, and Barley encourages him the entire way, but halfway over, the rope comes loose and slips off. Barley sees this and starts panicking, but of course continues to encourage Ian so that Ian will get to the other side. What got to me wasn’t the fact that he faked it for Ian, but that there are actual tears running down his face as he’s encouraging Ian to get to the other side, because he knows otherwise Ian wouldn’t have the confidence and would fall to his death. Like dude, that raw, complex emotion in a kid’s movie?! DUDE?! I was fucking surprised. The clear anxiety and grief in Barley’s face as Ian’s totally clueless and even dancing around in the air was just too much, omfg. Of course, then it’s played off for laughs, but... I guess that makes sense for the annoying overconfident nerdy big bro character. :’)

Okay these are way longer than I anticipated and I’m sorry, but also I’m really not. Hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts on my favs!

Seems I don’t talk to that many people on here anymore: @stupidbluejay @mirycactusito @chronicstarlight

[twilightofthe]

SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE EPISODE 9 BENEATH THE CUT.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

S O . . .

Honestly I’m kinda really glad I spoiled myself for this movie because I got really really upset by the reviews and went in with my expectations basically on the floor, so I was actually able to be pleased and happy with a couple things in the movie, so I will start off with the few things I did like.

I loved the Rey/Finn/Poe dynamic.  The actors’ chemistry works sooooo well together and I loved their adventure through the first two acts.  You can see how much these guys all genuinely like each other-- even tho the script seems to try VERY HARD to stick Poe and Finn with the worst case of “NO HOMO NO HOMO”-ing I’ve seen in Star Wars since Anakin and Obi Wan in The Clone Wars lol.  Seriously, the script is trying so so hard to pick fights between Poe and Finn, but blessed amazing Oscar Isaac and John Boyega manage to play it so the entire conflict reads more like Poe is jealous of Finn’s feelings over Rey, they act it VERY MUCH like quarreling lovers and it is completely 100% the work of John and Oscar and I love these two so much, I owe them my life.

I adore Rey and Finn’s chemistry too, they spend the entire film with Finn desperately worrying over Rey and Rey confiding her worries and fears to Finn and constantly giving each other looks and ugh, I love them so much.

Force Sensitive!Finn!!!  Just for a second but it happened!  They should have been more blatant but I like that he canonically is!!!

Just in general, I’ve always been a Jedistormpilot shipper, and I feel the ending really leaves that as an open option I will happily take.

The bits with the Resistance and Leia did the best they could with Carrie’s footage.  It was choppy and kinda obvious that footage was all they had to work with, but they tried their hardest and given what little they had to work with, I will unhappily accept it and the fact that Leia had little to no role in the story.  I’m still really upset about it and her character’s death was so damn anticlimactic, but it was what happened.

Billy Dee Williams was charming and awesome as Lando, I loved seeing him, and he did a wonderful job, even if he was just a nostalgia cameo.

3PO was entertaining as ever!  I liked him!  They definitely sidelined R2 way too much, but I was glad to see 3PO and I was glad that he didn’t permanently lose his memory!  The only thing I was kinda ehhh about was the bit with the dagger and the Sith language because the way he was suddenly able to translate it after not being able to translate it?????  Did not make sense at all???????????

Abrams fucking got me with the nostalgia for a second during the Luke Force Ghost scene.  I’m sorry, but I was so happy to see that Leia had done a bit of Jedi training then chose to give it up, I loved the callback to Yoda lifting the X-Wing but then Luke’s ghost did it-- COMPLETE WITH THE OG MUSIC!!!!!  Mark knocked it out of the park and I just love seeing him.

Same for Ian and Sidious!  While I personally did not like the Sidious plot at all and I will expand more on that later, I loved seeing Mr. McDiarmid again and he always just fills me with a bit of glee being his dramatic Palpy self because he’s just as good and as hatable as he’s always been and I thank him for it.

I think that was about it for what I liked, and honestly that was all the work of the talented actors and me being happy to see them pulling off their characters to the best of their abilities.  The plot itself???  Ehhhhhhhhhh.....

Look, as I mentioned before, I liked the Jedistormpilot mission.  That was fun.  

The entire Resistance plot?  Way way way too staggered and jumped around too much, not going into detail, felt a lot like it was trying to cram in everything with little payoff and not much emphasis placed on the importance of its plan so the audience really doesn’t get time to register everything that’s happening with them, let alone care about them

Naomi Ackie did a charming job with Jannah, I would have liked it if her entire plot didn’t kinda invalidate Finn’s overall story arc.  I get they were trying to say “oh look!  Finn’s not alone!  There are other ex-stormtrooper rebels!  Just like Finn!!!”  Instead what it looks like is saying basically that Finn isn’t special, Finn’s defection wasn’t important overall, literally everyone does it, and it means nothing.

(Also going off of this, it really felt like JJ caved to the TLJ hate and totally sidelined Rose, she did like jacksquat in this and I’m mad)

The thing is, I don’t think the Resistance plot and the search for Palpy mission would have been as scattered and rushed and disorganized IF: Rey Palpatine wasn’t a thing, Reylo wasn’t a thing, and Force Ghosts were utilized more.

Look, I was fine with Palpy coming back (on a condition).  Someone had to be the big bad and Disney is too worried about toy sales for it to ever be Kylo, so I knew Sidious could work-- provided they brought back the Skywalkers whose stories were intertwined with his and involved them in his ultimate downfall somehow.

I was fine with Rey Nobody. I was a little mad all the Skywalker legacy was going to her without her earning it really, but I figured that if the final film connected her with the Skywalkers properly, it would be fine, she had time to earn it.

Instead, we got little to no Skywalkers-- one Luke scene that meant nothing to the plot, scraped together Leia footage they could only take so far, and a fucking muddled voiceover from the man who Sidious screwed over the most, the one who originally killed him, the one who should have been THERE.  Look, I should have known they would never actually bring Anakin back, but dammit, he SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.  HE SHOULD HAVE.  This was his story originally, like it or not, and the entire goddamn Sequel Trilogy never so much as said his name, even when they brought back the creep that destroyed his life and he was supposed to give his own to defeat.

Literally no one asked for the Rey Palpatine plot.  It made no sense, you feel nothing for her “heroic” parents because you know literally nothing about either of them, the convoluted logic on why/why not Sidious wants her alive makes no sense.  His goal makes no sense, it’s confusing, so he wants Kylo to kill her but he also doesn’t, he wants Rey there so she can kill him and he can transfer his life force into her and then he’ll bring the Sith back somehow with all that hooded crowd on the bottom of Exetor???  Where did they even come from??  What happened to the canon saying all the dead Sith were on Korriban?  How is Palpy even gonna use Rey to bring back the other Sith????  When can his ghost/zombie corpse/whatever the fuck he is just fucking pull life energy out of people’s chests?  

What they should have focused on instead of the timeline devoted to Rey Palpatine was keep Sidious as the threat, keep all his other “raising the dead Sith” stuff-- just move his hidey hole to Korriban dammit --and have all the Rey’s parents plot shift to scenes with her interacting with Luke and Anakin’s Force Ghosts trying to figure out how to take down Palps together once and for all.  Let her get adopted into the Skywalker family by the only two who actually carried the name, not just have her randomly take it at the end after interacting with Luke freaking once.  She has seemingly close relationships with Leia and Ben, dammit, in that case she should have been Rey Solo or Rey Organa.

Also have Luke’s Force Ghost replace the nonsense with whatever guy Luke was apparently working with to track down Sidious on Exetor-- we never saw all of that and having aaaaaall of that background wordvomited onto us by 3PO at once makes it jarring and confusing and forgettable.  Literally just have Luke show up and tell them!!!!  

Han’s appearance to Kylo on whatsitsname Endor water moon???  Also should have been Anakin if they really wanted to show Kylo/Ben’s beginning to turn (really it should have been Leia but again I get why they couldn’t) back to the Light via a convo with the dead.  Like omgggg let him finally talk to the grandfather he was trying to impress!!  The opening was right there????  But nope, Han is there, and I guess whatever he says is suddenly enough to turn him good again???

(THIS ALSO MEANS MY FUCKING FANFIC WAS RIGHT.  HAN SOLO IS A FORCE GHOST.  WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.  THAT WAS LITERALLY THE ONE THING I PROCLAIMED WOULD NOT BE CANON.  I’M THE NEW ORACLE OF DELPHI BITCHES.  WHAT THE FUCK.)

Aaaaand this brings me to the romance.  The fucking romance.  Look, I’m sorry if you guys all do, I really am, and I respect if you want to unfollow, but I never have been able to stomach Reylo.  Ever.  I never saw the romance.  I saw pain and abuse and one-sided obsession.  Check that, I will admit that I always saw some sort of want from Kylo.  Adam played him very much being obsessed with having Rey with him for some reason throughout all the films, but it also always played as toxic, and him not knowing what to do with that want, and just lashing out and abusing and forcing himself on her at every turn.  It never played as a healthy relationship and it never played like Kylo should be rewarded for it.  And this entire film????  I see still no romance????  Like the first half is just Rey being damn furious at Kylo, hating him, literally wanting nothing to do with him.  I think another part of it is that I have never in the films seen Rey as having romantic or emotional feelings for Kylo, not ever.  Not consistantly.  It’s always just been an entire film’s worth of her despising him-- no not in an enemies to lovers UST despising, like actual hate and frustration --and then one singular bizarre scene that sticks out like a wart on a face where she suddenly does a 180 and is soft with him, like in the elevator scene in TLJ or the ending scene of TROS.  I wouldn’t even say Rey feels soft for Kylo the first damn time she stabs and kills him before healing him.  That to me seems a lot more like guilt to Leia her mentor over stabbing her son, and healing him for Leia’s sake than Rey actually wanting him alive.  Maybe that’s just because from what I’ve seen, Daisy isn’t the biggest Reylo fan and just didn’t play it with her heart.

I’m glad Ben was redeemed, after what Sidious put that family through, I would have been upset with the last Skywalker descendant dying in Dark disgrace.  But I’ve never been able to like his character really because they never fully let him be evil or an intriguing villain character, but they never showed him as good.  I’m sorry, but the comics don’t do it for me either because it seems they’re just trying to slightly alter Anakin’s issues and problems and stick them onto him and go “see they’re the same!” and it just rings fake and irritating for me, and his sudden turnaround does not have the same weight behind it because I don’t even know what he really turned back to the Light for.  Was it for Rey?  That obsession didn’t look like love.  Was it for Leia?  We never got to see him speak two words to her.  Was it for Han?  Possibly?!?!  That scene was not clear?!??!?!!?!  It sure as hell wasn’t for Anakin or Luke because they weren’t allowed to interact with him at all.  His return to the Light made no real sense because there wasn’t a clear motive besides “plot says so” and I Could Not See the logic in Rey suddenly wanting to make out with him, whether he saved her or not.  Really the one good thing about it was that their lack of chemistry throughout the film means that if I ignore the fact that that kiss happened, it’s pretty easy to pretend they never got together ;D  Plus, that Jedistormpilot hug at the very end tho, like I said, possibilities........

AND ANOTHER THING (god I really am a crotchety old lady), THE ABILITIES OF BEN AND REY TO BRING EACH OTHER BACK FROM DEATH.  Rey effortlessly healed a straight saber wound through the gut that has fucking killed multiple trained Force users dead and even more non Force users, healed it in seconds.  Now I probably seem like the biggest hypocrite here as I’m planning on having Anakin survive that same exact type of wound in a fic I’m writing (spoilers for those reading it lol but not really, did y’all actually think I was gonna kill him like that xD  And that in no means says he’s gonna recover completely...), but the difference is that I’m not having him survive through someone else effortlessly curing the wound.  If Ben survived that gut wound by healing himself, using his raw energy that all Skywalkers are supposed to have, I would be able to believe that.  Self preservation will to live saved Vader on Mustafar, saved Luke, saved fucking Sidious.  

But the matter is, if Rey was so powerful that she could just heal Ben from dying like that, why the fuck in the prequels is Anakin so panicked over his loved ones dying ever?  He’s supposed to be the most powerful Force user in existence, more powerful than Rey, shouldn’t he have been able to do that for say, Shmi??  One might argue, “but Rey’s had training!”  Who trained her?  Leia, who learned from Luke, who learned from Obi Wan and Yoda, neither of whom knew how to fucking do that and pass it down, don’t tell me they did.  The other option is that Rey did it untrained on natural talented instinct, which again, in that case, why couldn’t Anakin figure that out?  Why didn’t any Jedi?  Rey worked off of emotion healing Ben, Anakin should have been able to figure that out too.  I will accept Ben’s energy transfer to Rey saving her after she died later as that literally killed him, that makes sense, trading energy at an equal point-- and further canonizes my theory that Sidious was able to steal and drain Padmé’s life energy through her bond with Anakin to save him after he burned, which was the actual reason Pads died in Ep 3.  But Rey effortlessly bringing Ben back like that????  I just can’t, that just doesn’t work for canon for me.  I’m sorry, but no.

My final issue is the sheer amount of ignoring this trilogy did of the prequels.  I’ve already ranted about Anakin not showing up when he should and I will not repeat myself, this rant got long and I’m getting tired, but he should have been there, dammit.  He really should have.  Luke should have had more screentime.  That bit at the end where Rey hears all of the other Jedi’s voices speaking to her???  I’m sorry, but that really does break canon!  It was supposed to be only Qui Gon’s line, or those he taught and could pass it down, who could become Force Ghosts, and as delighted as I was to hear Kanan again and Windu and Luminara and everyone else, their voices should not have been there as they are not Force Ghosts! (and this is only partially me whinging over the fact that in my Force Ghost fic I have already stupidly proclaimed that only Qui Gon’s line has become ghosts and now I somehow have to fix that o_o)

(ALSO also the appearance of Ahsoka Tano amongst the voices means that she is dead which means they had the actual audacity to fucking kill her off OFFSCREEN with no explanation which grrrrrr)

One last whine about the romance, everything with Zorri Bliss and Poe seemed really forced and just another way for the script to blare out “HE’S NOT IN LOVE WITH FINN HE’S NOT HE’S STRAIGHT SUPER STRAIGHT LOOK LOOK LOOK”, tho Zorri’s character herself was fun without the forced romance.

Look, overall, I really liked the characters of the sequels, but I felt the plot was really poorly executed, and I really felt that this was not the “Skywalker Saga”.  The Skywalkers felt cast aside and put in the background and ignored and totally invalidated.  They were my favorites and I feel the narrative let them down and it makes my heart unhappy.  It really feels like abusers like Palpatine and Kylo got to win at the expense of their victims, and that really makes my heart unhappy.  That’s just my personal feelings.  Nothing wrong if you did like it, but it’s just me.  I miss my Skywalkers and their happy ending and I probably always will.  I probs won’t ever really be satisfied with what happened to them, tho I will work my hardest on it.  I guess that’s it.

[crusherthedoctor]

Sonic Villains: Sweet or Shite? - Part 10: INFINITE

There are some villains I like. And there are some villains I don’t like. But why do I feel about them the way I do? That’s where this comes in.

This is a series of mine in which I go into slightly more detail about my thoughts on the villains in the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise, and why I think they either work well, or fall flat (or somewhere in-between). I’ll be giving my stance on their designs, their personalities, and what they had to show for themselves in the game(s) they featured in. Keep in mind that these are just my own personal thoughts. Whether you agree or disagree, feel free to share your own thoughts and opinions! I don’t bite. :>

Anyhow, for today’s installment, we’ll be sharpening our blades and resisting the pain as we discuss what it takes to be the right-hand henchman of Sonic Forces: Infinite.

The Gist: Dr. Eggman was minding his evildoing business when one day, from thin air emerged a particularly strange jewel that seemed to be drawn to him. Realising this was no mere Chaos Emerald, due to both its peculiar shape and its bizarre reality-distorting effects, Eggman immediately contemplated how he could effectively utilise this new gemstone for his purposes.

Suddenly, jackals!

“Go forth, Red Shirts!”

Eggman's base was under attack by the imaginatively titled Jackal Squad, a group of thieving mercenaries who figured they could profit from the theft of the doctor's equipment. Unfortunately for them, Eggman had Main Character Immunity, so their efforts to kill him send him to the Shadow Realm fell flat. Despite nearly getting killed by them, Eggman knew an opportunity when he saw one, and he offered the role of apprenticeship to the squad's heterochromia-inflicted leader. His fellow jackals insisted not to take up the offer, because even they knew the risks, but the leader signed up immediately, because he's not all right in the head if you know what I'm saying.

In a cruel twist of fate, Eggman's first request for his new stooges was for them to take care of Shadow the Hedgehog. That Shadow the Hedgehog. Ultimate Lifeform Shadow the Hedgehog. Fast, immortal, capable of stopping time, drops his bracelets to grow even stronger Shadow the Hedgehog. They had to defeat that Shadow the Hedgehog.

They did not succeed.

BOOOONESAAAAAW’S READYYYYYYYY

After metaphorically and literally murdering the rest of the already forgotten squad, Shadow gave some parting words to their defeated leader, and those parting words were responsible for what happened next, and everything after. As someone who prided himself on being the ultimate mercenary, Mr. Jackal was bloody well peeved off about coming to terms with his physical shortcomings, and thus decided to give himself an upgrade in the form of sticking a gem on his chest, putting on a mask worthy of a heavy metal cover, and rechristening himself as... Infinite. Infinite power. Infinite possibilities. Infinite memes.

The upgrade paid off. With the aid of the gem, known to us as the Phantom Ruby, Eggman's latest minion was able to distort the environment, summon past foes, and do what no other villain not retconned out of existence had ever managed to achieve: defeat Sonic the Hedgehog.

Eggman was delighted. The past foes were delighted too, as evidenced by how they stood there to take it all in.

This is a very sentimental moment for them.

With Sonic out of the way, Eggman was able to take over 99% of the planet, because Sonic's friends were tragically all on holiday at the same time. During the subsequent six months of suffering and strife, Infinite relished in the doctor's conquest, but not as much as he relished in killing and terrorizing innocents. One incident in particular involved him leaving behind a scared youngster for the sake of letting them know fear. This would turn out to be a big mistake on his part, when - with the ever reliable power of friendship - said youngster would go on to oppose him as part of the Resistance. (This franchise isn't known for creative group names.)

“L’Oreal: Because I’m not weak.”

The formerly incapacitated Sonic also managed to eventually break free from his captivity, and proceeded to do what he does best alongside his new friend. Infinite was having none of this, and so he made absolutely certain to... leave him alive. Despite Eggman's insistence that a freed Sonic could cause as much trouble as a freed Sonic could in every other situation since 1991, Infinite remained confident that he couldn't be beaten. Three guesses for how that turned out. The first two don't count.

He was serious about crushing the Resistance though, and together with Eggman, not only did they summon a whole army of clones, they also summoned an artificial sun that, upon reaching the ground, would ensure the Resistance would meet a terrible fate. Good always triumphs however, and the clones were fought, the sun was vanquished, and Infinite himself was defeated once and for all.

It was at this point that Eggman decided to reveal that Infinite was a sham, a distraction, a red herring. For all his power, Infinite was little more than a glorified mook the whole time. Infinite was never the doctor's endgame. He was. Infinite didn't even have true mastery over the Phantom Ruby... but he did.

Death Chad Robot.

In just a few minutes, Eggman tapped into the power of the Ruby more than Infinite ever did, and overclocked it to turn his Doc Ock-looking mech into a beast. But through thick and thin (and a second Nega-Wisp Armor), Sonic and his ambiguously named friend teamed up to take the madman down, because we're Sonic Heroes.

The world was saved from further tyranny, and Eggman went on to either lose his memory or shrug it off to take part in racing spinoffs depending on the continuity. But Infinite - or rather, the jackal who called himself Infinite - remains absent. He could be alive. He could be dead. He could finally get a haircut. His fate is a mystery that we may never know the answer to. Maybe he's spending his retirement climbing the tallest of mountains.

The Design: Careful you don't cut yourself with all this edge.

You could have gotten yourself an eyepatch for half the price.

Demonic eyes, dark colours, anime hair... he's a villain alright. Infinite's design is unashamed of itself. It knows it's ridiculous, and it goes all out with it, which - let's be frank - matches the character in general pretty reasonably. Funnily enough, I don't have much else to say about it. It's not my favourite character design in the world, but I can credit them for pioneering loudspeaker ears. And at least he's not a hedgehog. Or an echidna.

If you listen carefully, you can hear Shadow sighing in relief under the knowledge that he's no longer the edgiest guy in the room.

The Personality: What's an easy way to make a villain a villain? By making them pointlessly sadistic, of course.

"You may call this the Sonic Chronicles soundtrack... in the brief moments that remain to your eardrums."

And I don't speak lightly when I say pointless. Infinite's penchant for sadism is actually treated as a character flaw, as it contributes heavily to his ultimate downfall. He wastes time by drawing out his kills, and his decision to leave his greatest foes alive because they're supposedly "not worth killing" bites him in the ass on more than one occasion. Even Eggman calls him out on his shitty decisions.

"Don't get cocky with me, son. This ain't the Adventure Era anymore.”

And this ties in with how he is in general. Infinite, for all his delusions of grandeur and nihilistic waxing, is a bit of a fuck up. Him and his squad combined couldn't even take on Eggman on his own (albeit with a Phantom Ruby in his possession), and when the mask comes on, it becomes clear that he only defeated Sonic through the element of unfamiliarity. Once Sonic starts to know about him and fights him for real, Infinite doesn't rely on the Phantom Ruby nearly as well as he could. He has a jewel that can do all sorts of distortions, and all he can think to do with it is use basic lasers and blasts for the most part. He's a thug at the end of the day. A powerful thug, but a thug all the same.

Despite this, though it's only hinted here and there, it seems that he has an Inferiority Superiority Complex. His passionate response to Shadow calling him pathetic (ironically, he never actually said he was weak) goes without saying, but then there's his dramatic speeches about having no hope, and how you can't count on anyone, and blah blah blah eat a Snickers already.

The Execution: Much like Erazor Djinn, you may have gathered that this character has a lot in common with everyone's favourite Ice Age antique, Mephiles the Dark. Like Erazor, Infinite is a better (albeit flawed) take on Mephiles' schtick, but whereas Erazor better emulates the success that Mephiles tried to go for, Infinite better represents the failure that Mephiles actually is... right down to showing how Silver would react if he had actual brain cells.

Above: Character development.

Hell, they both share the fate of getting swatted by Omega.

Not bitter at all.

Anyway, to explain this requires some elaboration. I'm aware that a lot of what I've said about Infinite sounds negative, and that's not entirely untrue, since I'll be the first to admit that he could have been handled a little better, and fleshed out a bit more, especially with all the pre-release hype and attention he was given. At the same time however, he's still leagues above the likes of Mephiles, for one simple reason that we discussed previously: his incompetence is intentional.

Maybe not fully - the pre-Infinite breakdown probably wasn't meant to be as comedic as it ended up being - but you can't tell me his setbacks weren't there on purpose. Eggman lost the war because Infinite left his enemies alive and free. Eggman lost the war because Infinite clumsily left a Phantom Ruby replica behind. Eggman lost the war because Infinite kept messing around when he had better things to do, didn't know what to do other than blindly attack when the chips were down, and got disposed of with little fanfare by the doctor after having failed him enough times. Compare all this to Eggman himself in the same game, who despite being known for his childishness and occasional shortsightedness, had a lot of genuine foresight to share around, and went from backup plan to backup plan like it was nothing.

In other words, Infinite could be seen as a well-needed deconstruction of villains like Mephiles, and why they're not as great as they look at first glance. And in that respect, he's kind of a genius concept.

“Ugh, MORE shitty friends...”

Infinite is a very divisive character, and I can see why. Alongside his far from perfect execution, many fans were expecting and hoping for a straight example of late 00's Sonic villains, in part because that's what the marketing and his infamous theme song set him up as and partly because '06 is now considered better than everything afterwards because Baldy McNosehair is literally oppressing all Sonic fans across the world. If you're like me on the other hand, and don't have the slightest unironic interest in those kind of villains, you can probably respect Infinite a little more for addressing the elephant in the room. And even though he is indeed flawed, I think most of that has to do with the wasted potential of the plot itself rather than anything inherently to do with Infinite's own character.

He's no Eggman, Erazor, Metal Sonic, or Hard-Boiled Heavies. But he's above Mephiles, Black Doom, Eggman Nega, and so many others who blend together after a while. Still, maybe someone should assist Shadow the next time he decides to insult somebody.

Crusher Gives Infinite a: Thumbs Sideways!

[themattress]

My Opinions on the KH OCs

SORA: I adored Sora from KH through KH2. But then I became disillusioned with him because they kept making clones of him, pushed his positive Messianic qualities to the extreme, and then went too far the other way in 3D by making him into this over-the-top childish idiot who screwed everything up and was denied Keyblade Master status, all amidst proclamations that he was a "dull, ordinary boy" who "the Keyblade didn't choose" (which is an outright LIE.) For the most part, KH3 brought my old love for Sora back by usually characterizing him the same way KH2 did...and then it basically killed him off in the end, punishing him for doing good, all while Xehanort gets rewarded by being able to go to Heaven even after a lifetime of doing evil without a shred of remorse. What. The. FUCK? When Sora faded away at the last minute, so too did any remaining interest in this series.

KAIRI: Loved her in KH, she was so damn interesting and relatable, and her role in the story was a perfect twist on the classic Disney Princess role. Her role and characterization in KH2 weren’t as strong, but her new design, actions, connections with other characters and endgame development made up for it, as did the fact that she was still voiced by the lovely Hayden Panettiere. Add to this how strongly she factored into COM, and Kairi was clearly the original trilogy’s emotional heart. Then that heart got removed and never put back, as Kairi was excluded from the games to the highest degree possible, all leading up to a horrifying bait-and-switch in KH3 where she was finally returning to prominence and looked to become a stronger character than ever before, only for the exact opposite to happen, not at all helped by the voicework of Alyson Stoner. What Nomura’s done is a travesty. #KairiDeservedBetter.

RIKU: Loved him in KH, where he was like a Final Fantasy character turned Disney villain and he played that role incredibly well. I thought he was fumbled when he starred in his own story mode in COM, but I never really blamed him for that and more the writing around him that pushed him into an unnatural position that even he didn’t seem to want to be in. Despite not truly appearing as himself until the endgame of KH2 and having flatter characterization, Riku still redeemed himself excellently through being a party member helping against the final boss, along with a beautiful reconciliation with Sora. Like his other friends in the Destiny Trio, things went downhill afterwards. Riku became so overexposed, shoved down our throats, and positioned as the series Deuteragonist who phased Kairi out of existence while being given more badass feats than Sora, that I lost my liking for him entirely and consider him to be a blatant Mary Sue. This sadly didn’t change with KH3, and it only looks to be getting worse.

ROXAS: Despite falling way short of the hype, I enjoyed Roxas in KH2. He was likable and sympathetic, and he did a good job servicing one of the game’s deepest themes. But then, because he was (confusingly, IMHO) uber-popular, he got his own game featuring his time in the Organization, and he never left that bland portrayal behind, with every subsequent game he appears in having it be Days!Roxas instead of KH2!Roxas, to the point where KH2!Roxas was demeaningly retconned into having “ceased to exist” when he fully re-merged with Sora despite what was said and shown to the contrary in KH2, all for the sake of giving him a shamelessly fan-pandering perfect happy ending. Roxas thus became one of the characters whom I most associate with the downfall of the KH series, and thus one of my least favorites. 

NAMINE: Namine was a character that I loved in COM and KH2, despite being pretty confusing even back then, since she had a real humanity behind her. I was very disappointed that afterwards, she became more and more of a convenient plot device and mouthpiece for Nomura’s convoluted lore rather than a legitimate character, with her characterization regressing to and being regurgitated from her debut appearance. The scale and scope of her powers got ridiculous, the retcon of Sora having promised to thank her when that was never the case is beyond stupid, and she fell prey to the same retcon Roxas did of “ceasing to exist” when she merged with Kairi and thus needing to be “saved” in order to cure her “hurt”. Naturally, she’s right up there with Kairi as one of the most frustratingly-handled characters.

XION: I was immediately turned off by this character due to how blatantly fanfic Mary Sue-esque she was, then warmed up to her considerably as I actually played the game and saw how she was utilized, only to be turned off of her again when Nomura completely went back on her firmly established tragic fate for the sake of a schmaltzy happy ending that neuters what was effective about the character, in essence turning her right back into just a fanfic Mary Sue. I don’t actually blame Xion for this, but she’s still my least favorite main KH girl.

VENTUS: Kind of the same deal as Xion - didn’t like him at first because he was a lazy retread of Roxas and whose connection to Sora cheapened things, warmed up to him after playing the game and seeing him in action (I especially love his voice by Jesse McCartney, which is very distinct from Roxas), only to go right back to not really liking him when we ended up never hearing the end of him and how he is the reason behind so many events and character motivations, especially once he was retconned into hailing from the X time period.

TERRA / LINGERING WILL: While I’m not too attached to him, I still low-key love this guy. Yes, he’s an idiot, but an understandable, well-meaning and likable one, who also has a very charismatic-looking design and is badass in combat. Everyone loves the Lingering Will, but I don’t think it would be as effective if it didn’t come from such a flawed screw-up like Terra. It’s uplifting that even if you do nothing but fail, your will to succeed can achieve some form of success in of itself. He may have got the shaft in KH3, but he made the most of what he had.

AQUA / ANTI-AQUA: In BBS, I felt Aqua was more enjoyable than Ven but not as much as Terra, making her a pretty fittingly balanced character in my view - I loved that she was the first fully playable female character in the series and did a lot of neat stuff in the story, but I hated how devoid of character development she was compared to her male friends and how her English voice actress constantly missed the mark in her delivery. In 0.2 BBS, she was put in a lousy story, but she became a much more interesting and developed character as a trade-off. Sadly, it all fell apart in KH3, where aside from her brief stint as the terrifying Anti-Aqua, Aqua became an incompetent joke of a “Keyblade Master”, jobbing in every major fight she had and jobbing badly, with that development from 0.2 BBS amounting to nothing. In the end, Aqua wound up right back where she began - between Terra and Ventus in my favor.

MASTER ERAQUS: Love his design, love his voice-acting, love his premise as a character - do NOT love him. In a story where all the heroes act like idiots, Eraqus takes the cake, and becomes outright unlikable when he attempts to murder Ven and Terra under very flimsy reasoning. And KH3 only makes him worse, with a severe disconnect existing between his younger self and his older self, and helping to contribute to the game’s bullshit ending.

DIZ / ANSEM THE WISE: I loved him as the tragic, Monte Cristo-esque figure as shown in COM, Days and KH2, especially when voiced by the incomparable Christopher Lee. He had the perfect send-off in KH2, which made it such a slap in the face when BBS’ secret ending retconned him into having surviving, only for him to do jack shit but be a plot device, and not a very good one at that. Bringing Ansem the Wise back was one of the series’ biggest sins, and stands as a textbook example of Nomura not knowing when to just let a character go.

HAYNER, PENCE & OLETTE: I like these kids, they’re a lot of fun in all their appearances.

MASTER XEHANORT: I really enjoyed Master Xehanort in BBS, when he was just a simple Darth Sidious expy voiced by the great Leonard Nimoy, a character whose chief purpose was backstory for the villain we already knew who went by the same name. But then Nomura decided that he was the main antagonist of the whole series and retconned that everything that ever happened was part of his convoluted master plan...a plan with very muddled objectives and motivations, not to mention contradictions at many turns. This turning of Xehanort into a Villain Sue had severe consequences in KH3, where not only was he weakly voiced by Rutger Hauer, but he was written terribly: only showing up at the end, fridging Kairi for no reason, being beaten in a surprisingly easy boss fight, having his entire motivation changed, and receiving one of the most audience-insulting endings that a villain could possibly receive, especially one as remorselessly evil as him.  The final slap in the face was revealing that he was a pawn to someone else, derailing the entire point behind the stupid-ass “Xehanort Saga” decision! So in the end, Master Xehanort was pretty damn pointless.

TERRA-XEHANORT: The original Xehanort introduced in KH2. While his origin is something of a headache (he’s an amnesiac Master Xehanort possessing the body and heart of Terra), it still works, IMO, and creates a character who is much more interesting than either of the two characters it took to form him, despite (or perhaps because of) his relative lack of screentime.

ANSEM: Terra-Xehanort’s Heartless is both the original incarnation of Xehanort in the series and both me and Nomura’s personal favorite. Sadly, Nomura screwed him up when he brought him back for the “True Organization XIII”, first going too over-the-top evil when part of his appeal was that he genuinely (and pompously) believed that he was the one in the right, and then suddenly being far less evil than he should be considering that he’s a freaking Heartless! The Ansem that I adore will always be the one from the original KH and Riku’s mode in COM, the hammy philosopher who is totally drunk on darkness and is seeking it for his own sake, not for the sake of some absurdly convoluted grand plan of Master Xehanort’s.

XEMNAS: Terra-Xehanort’s Nobody is the best villain in the KH series and the most consistently good of the Xehanort incarnations. While certainly at his best as the Superior of Organization XIII in KH, COM, Days and KH2, he actually managed to still be a captivating presence as part of the “True Organization XIII” in 3D and KH3 even if his character lost a lot of its depth thanks to the bullshit retcon that he was following Master Xehanort’s grand plan all along. He’s terrifying, loathsome, humorous and pitiable all at once...he’s just fantastic!

XIGBAR / BRAIG / LUXU: Oh, what a roller coaster this guy has been - I didn’t particularly care for him as Xigbar at first in KH2, then grew to really like him thanks to extra exposure in KH2:FM and Days, then came to love him as Braig in BBS, then went right back to disliking him when he became Xigbar again in 3D, and now am hardly able to stand him in KH3 when it’s revealed that he’s Luxu. Like Namine, he’s become a total vehicle for Nomura’s bullshit.

XALDIN / DILAN: I love Xaldin. He’s badass, intimidating, and despicable, and he really stands out by being linked so heavily with the Beast’s Castle and the Beast himself. His boss fight on the castle bridge is the stuff of legends. Dilan is a bore, though, especially in KH3.

VEXEN / EVEN: Somehow, this is one of the few characters who manages to remain consistently entertaining and well-written in all his appearances, helped out a lot by Derek Stephen Prince’s performance. As both the mad scientist Vexen and the well-intentioned scientist Even, he’s someone I just can’t take my eyes off of whenever he’s on screen.

LEXAEUS / ELAEUS: Boring but admirably power as Lexaeus, with the potential to be more interesting thanks to his intellect and rapport with Zexion. Just plain boring as Eleaeus. 

ZEXION / IENZO: Everything about Zexion had potential, but it just never came together properly and left him as an underwhelming villain. He has much more success as Ienzo, being very likable and interesting; honestly one of the best KH-original characters in KH3. 

SAIX / ISA: This character is one of the more frustrating ones to me. I liked him just fine in KH2, but not as much as I would’ve liked to. I liked him more when he got more scenes in KH2:FM, and I straight-up loved him in Days for being such an effective Hate Sink as well as a really interesting and tragic character. But I did not care for his cameo appearances in BBS and 3D, even though he still carries some of what I enjoyed about him with him in KH3, he also receives new baggage that makes his character less appealing...namely, the fact that his motivation all along was based around some random girl we never heard of until now. Still, if there’s one thing that remains consistent, it is that Kirk Thornton does a phenomenal job in the role. I honestly think most of Saix’s effectiveness comes from that badass voice.

AXEL / LEA: Sigh...you oughta know this one by now. I love Axel the Nobody, I think he was one of the series’ finest villains, and think he had an effective character arc despite some bumps along the road. I can’t stand his human self, who is a watered-down, obnoxious, whitewashed Mary Sue version of his Nobody self who is only here for fanservice, only given a major heroic role and his own Keyblade because Axel was a favorite of both fans and the development team. He’s sadly one of those characters who becomes the victim of his own popularity, with what made him popular to begin with lost as a result of increased exposure.

DEMYX / ???: He’s funny, I like him. Don’t have any stronger feelings than that.

LUXORD / ???: With his slick design, gambling gimmick, classy gentleman demeanor, and English voice by Robin Atkin-Downes, I’ve always liked Luxord, but I don’t think he’s ever truly lived up to his full potential...until KH3, where he’s a standout in both the Caribbean and the Keyblade Graveyard. I especially love his respectable rival dynamic with Jack Sparrow.

MARLUXIA / LAURIAM: A lack of clear motivations aside, Marluxia is an excellent villain. I love how he’s got flower powers, a pink sycthe, pink hair and a pretty-boy face and yet has this very masculine and imposing demeanor, not to mention a diabolically clever and manipulative personality. His battles and battle themes are also always impressive in every game he appears in. And while I don’t care for him being a Keyblade wielder, I actually like him as Lauriam too. He’s surprisingly sympathetic and is a neat contrast to his Nobody.

LARXENE / ELRENA: I love Larxene, she makes being the only female member of the Organization count by being one of the most aggressive, despicable, frightening, humorous and oddly endearing members all at the same time, getting a tragic death scene in COM and some softer moments in Days and KH3 that add depth to her while never causing her to lose her edge.  And like with Lauriam, I like Elrena despite not caring for the Keyblade angle.

VANITAS: Vanitas is awesome. He’s an evil version of Sora who does evil things because he enjoys being evil and has zero fucks to give about it. Haley Joel Osment really brings his gleeful brand of evil to life, making it always a pleasure to see Vanitas in both BBS and KH3. And thus I’m really glad he didn’t get redeemed in the end - pure villainy is his whole appeal!

RIKU REPLICA: Despite being an over-the-top retread of Riku’s role in KH for most of COM and having one boss battle too many, Riku Replica was still a good character and with one of the most tragic arcs in the series, which really made his death scene stand out. Of all the characters to ruin due to Nomura not letting go of them, I thought he was safe, but nope! He was pointlessly brought back in KH3, played a worse and more convoluted role, and had a much weaker “happier” send-off that clashed with how other aspects of the story were being treated and only reinforced Riku’s Special Snowflake status. Of course, even before that happened, the replica concept that he introduced to the series had spiraled into a much more needlessly confusing state, so I guess his legacy was doomed either way. Poor Repliku!

DARK RIKU: A confusing composite of all Riku’s alter-egos: Riku when he was possessed by Ansem, Riku Replica, and Data Riku, enlisted in “True Organization XIII”. I’m not sure what the point of this guy was. Or if he’s basically another version of Repliku, why not just make him the only Repliku in the story and spare us that convoluted nonsense with the other one?

YOUNG XEHANORT: Haaaaaaaaaate....haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate....

KAIRI’S GRANDMOTHER: In the first KH, but only a real character in BBS. But getting Kathryn Beaumont (original voice of Alice and Wendy Darling, and thus a Disney Legend) to voice her was absolutely brilliant and made her single scene stand out as the game’s best.

And that’s about it. The rest are all the datascape clones I don’t give a shit about (Data Sora, Data Riku, Data Roxas, Data Namine, and Data Sora’s Heartless) and the cast of X that I also don’t give a shit about (The Master of Masters, the Foretellers, Ephemer, Skuld, Brain...the only ones I like are Chirithy and Strelitzia, but only on the shallow basis that they’re cute.) 

And I am NOT sticking around this series to properly meet Yozora...

[tungle-scant-sequels]

squentacles has some things to say about jurassic world: dominion

ok yeah i KNOW that i'm over 4 months late but i also didn't get a chance (didn't want to) watch it until yesterday. i'm tagging this a movie review for the sake of convenience, but it's closer to a rant. i guess.

anyways my opinions on the movie is mainly that it's massively disappointing. spoilers for jurassic park 5 and beyond etc etc. discussion is fine and welcomed as long as you don't be mean about it

first and biggest concern: IT WASN'T EVEN FOCUSED ON THE DINOSAURS :(((( the main thing was that this weird new world had to navigate the existence of Actual Fucking Dinosaurs, with maybe some ✨spicy ethical quandaries✨ thrown in for flavor. from the amount of times the dinosaurs showed up in the trailer and also the history of the Entire Franchise you'd rightfully think so, but instead of being the central conflict, they get one scene at the beginning, and then they're just setpieces. i am crying

the cowboy scene was definitely just wish fulfillment. i'm not even mad about that. good for whichever writer got that in the movie, i just though that was pretty goofy

the Giant Locust swarms were terrifying, and from the massive scale of the impacts you'd think it was going to be the main focus, but the corporation kidnapped the "clone" girl now! that's right this is a break in movie folks

just a disclaimer for people who were fucking terrified of the locusts (like yours truly :) ): insects can't actually get that big! most insects have external circulatory systems with spiracles to take oxygen in from directly outside. this is fine when they're small because the surface area/volume ratio of normal locusts is much higher than that of those fucking monstrosities (square cube law etc etc). this may be common knowledge to people. i will still put this disclaimer here for my own benefit.

sattler is so fucking cool. while grant was brooding about the dying funds of paleontology and malcolm was giving ted talks about humanty's inevitable downfall, she changed career paths and wrote several papers about soil and algae as an energy source. she actually managed to be productive. love that for her

but beyond that, i didn;t really get invested in many of the characters (other than kayla because she was cool). it wasn't as plot-focused as many other Big movies i've seen, but it still wasn;t really character-focused either.

i'm taking this quote from i thiiiink the infinity war pitch meeting, because it applies to so many movies: "so much happens in this movie that the characters don't have time to yknow. be characters"

can't forget the Vaguely Easter European/Middle Eastern/Just Generally Foreign Illegal Dinosaur Corrupt Fighting Trade Breeding Black Market! an extremely normal and not harmful trope

i pity the cgi folks who probably worked their eyes off for this movie, but also i think the cgi was bad. they should have used puppets dude

it's been nearly a year since i last saw jurassic park 5, so i don't remember the full details of the movie, including maisie's mediocre-ish arc, but it also would have been interesting knowing her decision over releasing the dinosaurs would have been different if she knew she wasn't a clone

also it was kind of weird for the writers to backtrack on the clone thing. that's all i have to say. it was strange

the scene where everyone had to split up into groups to do stuff (i forgot what said stuff was) was nice actually! it should have been longer. i love to see characters interact and bond in weird situations

(at this point there are 20 minutes left into the movie, i thought. how's the movie going to resolve the locusts and dinosaurs now? HAHAHAHA,)

of course, there was the obligatory dino fight!!!! but i think it was less than 3 minutes long. it even failed to give tension for the helicopter scene, which was the only other reason why it was there. there were no stakes in that fight

admittedly the locusts made a decent b-plot but by the end of the movie they were just gone. girl

in face, the ending felt like the movie gave itself too many plot threads for itself to handle, so it just tied them up as quickly and conveniently as possible. that cowboy rival dinosaur killer died in the black market. the billionaire got killed off in the tunnel several minutes before the finale, which was admittedly ironic and deserved, but then the locusts were completely eradicated within an ambiguous span of time. and then people just decided to be fine with the dinosaurs (which was also accompanied by a voiceover from charlotte lockwood, which made it fine i guess).

like. you had the dinosaur problem at the beginning of the movie, and then the locusts happened, and then that got resolved. x + 1 - 1 = x. you're right back where you started buddy.

as did the second two sequels of the original jurassic park movie, it also completely missed the Point of the original movie. where's the consquences for playing god? ian malcolm is rotating on the floor rn

seriously a mosasaurus(?) ate a fucking boat. are we not gonna address that

main takeaway(s): more dinosaurs, more character moments, more moral quandaries, and also at least one puppet. i think that would be swell

[mveloc]

5x09 Rant

ugh. i was sooooo disappointed with this episode that i just had to get a few things off my chest. feel free to chime in anywhere--i’m curious to see how everyone else felt about this episode. here are just a few points i had issues with:

lack of clones. here’s an idea: instead of having art and scott and hellwizard fight the final battle with sarah, maybe—i don’t know—have the clones do the fighting? i’m all for supporting characters, but it’s the SECOND TO LAST EPISODE OF THE SERIES and aside from sarah and helena (and a little bit of rachel), the rest of the sestras are pretty much nonentities. instead of having scott, art, and hellwizard literally walk into the belly of the beast with zero resistance (don’t even get me started), have the sestras there instead. some may say, “but what are alison and cosima supposed to do?” well, now that neolution has been exposed and dyad is being swarmed by reporters and whatnot, why not use that to their advantage? if alison and cosima and even rachel all showed up to the dyad building with the same face in a show of solidarity to start talking to reporters, to share their story about what’s happening to helena inside of dyad right now, wouldn’t that be far more damaging? to me, it would symbolize everything this series is supposed to be about—autonomy, family, all of that good stuff. i would much rather see them stand together as a family and expose themselves to the world on their own terms than have a couple dudes run aimlessly around dyad mission-impossible style.

picture it:

sarah sneaks into dyad to try to save helena. she gets pinned down, unable to escape. helena’s going into labour. they’re completely out of options. just as pt is closing in on them, someone pulls him aside. “sir, you should see this.” a television screen turns on. it’s cosima and alison (and maybe even rachel—i’d love to see rachel stand in solidarity with her sisters for the first time) on the news, standing in front of the dyad building, telling their story. they share that two of their sisters are currently trapped inside of dyad as neolution tries to rip helena’s babies away. they plead for help. krystal steps out of the crowd—she’s been watching everything with dyad unfold—and she joins her sisters on screen. art tells his police captain that it’s all true—they need to get to dyad now to save those women. they storm the building to save the twins, but pt is unwilling to go down without a fight. realizing he’s cornered, he tries to burn the whole goddamn lab down with him. flashback to kira’s “you set mom on fire.” there’s mass panic. we don’t know if sarah and helena are still alive. and then suddenly, through the fire, they walk out with the twins and rejoin their sisters.

helena. despite the fact that they re-casted young helena, i didn’t have a problem with the flashbacks per se. they were well done and this is a helena-centric episode, so it’s to be expected. however, my main issue is that the flashbacks didn’t really reveal much about helena that we didn’t already know. i think the helena-centric episode should have come much earlier in the season because honestly? it fell super flat to me. helena has essentially been absent for the last two seasons so we’ve got virtually no character development from her. and now—in the penultimate episode of the series—we finally see some sort of crack in her form? helena has always been excited about the prospect of motherhood, has never doubted herself before and suddenly, with a few nasty words from coady, she’s completely flipped around? she suddenly feels unworthy? she tries to kill herself? it’s ridiculous. i would not have had a problem with this storyline if it had come A SEASON AGO WHEN IT SHOULD HAVE. like, if we had seen helena struggle with the idea of motherhood and what that meant and whether she could be a good mother after everything she’s done all throughout season 4 and the first half of this season, then her decision to attempt suicide would have been far more impactful. helena started out as my favourite character in the series and now i could really care less about her because instead of exploring her guilt and vulnerability, they turned her into a comedy duo with donnie and then made her disappear when they didn’t know what else to do with her. this episode was the most soap opera-y the show has ever felt to me because they tried to cram two seasons of character development into 40 minutes. this is not something we should be seeing in the second-to-last episode of the series.

siobhan. i understand that there’s way too much shit going on for everyone to properly mourn siobhan’s death, but it still felt sort of… cheap? siobhan has been there since the beginning—has been the matriarch of the family—so i would think her death would have been more felt? that comes to another huge problem i had with this episode—a whole lot of bark and very little bite. it felt like we were being told shit rather than actually be shown it, which brings me to my next point:

exposition. for an episode that had so much going on, it felt like nothing really happened. i think this is because we were told most of the information and not shown anything; we’re told that sarah is distraught over siobhan’s death by multiple characters, but aside from a couple of minutes of her looking downtrodden, we don’t really see it—we’re not given time to see it; we’re told that neolution is completely unravelling now that they’re exposed, but again, we don’t really see the effects of this—we have some off-screen murder/suicides of the board members, some mentions of the press going crazy, but not much else. hell, even the whole idea of pt hiding out in the old dyad building is ridiculous. we get nothing but exposition; scott and cosima explain that the building has been closed down, so it would be a perfect hiding place for him. uhhhh… since when? there was absolutely no mention of this before? even if they had casually brought it up in a past episode, it would have made some sort of sense. instead we’re just presented with a problem and solution all at once. and on the same note, when they initially thought pt would take helena to the island and the response was “oh, he wouldn’t do that. it’s not safe for pt anymore now that revival has revolted and been destroyed.” uh, motherfuckers—they were just about to bring kira to the island two episodes ago even after revival had fallen and suddenly it’s unsafe? i get it—the writers needed a reason for pt to be in toronto so the sestras could have a final showdown—but shit. they could have tried a little harder here.

mark. i guess we were supposed to feel bad for mark. i get it—i actually liked mark—but he’s been gone for so long at this point that he’s hardly relevant anymore. they brought him back for all of three minutes and then cut him out again. his death was just sooooo rushed that it was impossible to feel anything. you’d miss it if you blinked. there was too much shit going on in this episode for it to really count.

coady. another character clusterfuck. they set coady up as sort of the ultimate evil—no conscience, willing to do whatever it took for the sake of progress—the opposite of susan. i understand that human beings are rarely so one-dimensional and that she’s probably not 100% evil, but they sprinkled this episode with little moments of doubt. first she advised against pt’s hasty treatment towards helena (wanting to cut the babies out), and then she voiced her anger over gracie’s death and her reluctance to euthanize mark. so i thought, “okay, are they going to try to flip her now? is she actually going to realize that she’s been pushing too far and that pt is a psychopath? does she actually feel something towards castor after all? is she going to see the error of her ways?” i mean, it’s a little late for that, but i guess it could sort of work. nope. she expresses her reluctance to euthanize mark and then goes “welp. guess i have no choice.” she’s seemingly sympathetic to helena in one breath and then in the next is all “welp. you’re still an animal, so fuck you.” i guess i just don’t understand where the writers were going with this? i thought maybe she’d turn sides and try to help helena, because why else would they show these little moments of coady’s doubt/resistance? yes, it would be a little predictable and cliche, but if she had no intention of shifting her allegiance, then why even waste time showing these moments at all? chekhov’s gun, people! i guess the jury’s still out since we don't know if helena actually killed her and coady could still be relevant, but it seems kind of pointless now.

pt westmorland. he’s just become a caricature at this point. they should have kept rachel as the big bad. honestly, i would have much preferred to see her kill him and try to take his place and watch her slow and painful downfall. now that neolution is exposed, what even is his endgame? to prolong his life? okay. but then what? the charade is up—even with the few loyal followers her has left, he’ll never be able to push his agenda on a large scale, so what’s the point? he’s now just doing evil shit for the sake of being evil.

[vardasvapors]

for your meme: Elrond on Numenor not letting him on their lawn anymore

lmao u little…anyway:

1. Actually I hc it a bit more….Lindon refusing to come onto Numenor’s lawn anymore? Something about the timeline and - this is not a relationship of equals, or a…Numenor “defying” the elves of ME lmao. Numenor is way, way more powerful than the whole elven population of western ME at the time of the dissolution of their alliance – the gap was huge at the War of the Elves and Sauron and that was before Numenor’s spike in imperialism that now isn’t even centered on “but they GOTTA build infrastructure for their fleet for everyone’s protection!” I feel like a lot of Gil-galad’s elves privately had concerns about the Numenoreans for a long while but desperately needed their support for, like, survival. Before the war, to fight Sauron, and after the war, because Sauron had diminished the elves so badly, until finally the Numenoreans got so unbearable Lindon broke away and threw its lot in with the various peoples of ME instead. OTOH, it could have been more like….the elves groveling to Numenor for aid, until Numenor kicked them to the curb. Or trying to suggest they stop fucking ME up, until Numenor got offended. Anyway lol the period where elves were likely really troubled by the Numenoreans but are also grateful they saved them… “maybe it’s just….growing pains…like us…?” they say, brightly.

2. Either way, I think Elrond would be especially distressed by the Numenoreans plummeting down the tyranny slope on even more levels though, because a) these are his brother’s people! technically, his nephews and nieces (which is a particularly strong point given perfect elven memory!) Too historically/personally (at the same time lmao) entangled with Numenor to be objective about them (or to be perceived objectively by them, tbh). And b) Rivendell especially is likely still allied with and owes both protection and gratitude to the less powerful Eriador humans who took refuge there and joined Elrond’s army in the war after Sauron destroyed their homes (and made a big difference, looking at the evidence). Can’t imagine this subject not coming up when the Numenoreans became almost as bad. Depending on what the political climate was like and what Gil-galad allowed, if Elrond couldn’t/wouldn’t tell the Numenoreans ‘wtf are you even doing,’ I think his response would be like, *quietly withdraws*

3. OTOH I once wrote a meta, which is kinda old and narrow but still legit imo (and wow I still REALLY like my Nazgul idea), with my opinion on what a disaster it would be if Elrond ever did decide it was a good idea for him to try to convince the Numenoreans to not be such assholes and tbh I love drama.

4. kjhfsdkfjd there’s what, like almost 1,500 years between the dissolution of Numenor’s friendship with the ME elves and the Downfall? AND IT JUST GETS WORSE. So like, [internally screaming] [goes internally hoarse from internally screaming] [lol i didn’t know getting to watch over all my brother’s descendants actually meant dying inside but hey it’s whatever] [i wonder what Elros would think if he saw this?] [thank god, thank god, Elros is dead]

5. The thing about the Faithful still secretly keeping contact with Gil-galad though…imagine Elrond drowning Gil-galad in letters from the other side of Eriador - how are they? what’s happening? is anything getting better? what’s the new king like? what happened to [x out of date issue]? are they safe? etc. And probably like, being really private about it because the prevailing (and utterly justified) attitude toward the Numenoreans is likely ‘fuck them may their stupid island sink into the ocean’ and….like, I don’t think he would have assholish apologism about this. Just…….*kicking through the ashes of 2,000+ years of memories* ‘haha you know what you guys are 100% right and also kill me now.’ Tbh I think it’s this, not anti-half-elf prejudice (which isn’t really a thing in Tolkien), that would give him the worst identity crisis and cause other people to give him the most grief. The immortal clone of the Ur-Numenorean, lmao. I love irony!! I love suffering!!

6. People not mentioning Elros around him anymore. People not teasing him about his absurd overextended pseudo-family anymore. Someone sniping superciliously about how Elros must’ve been an ignorant sheltered twit to have unwittingly wrought such a poisoned worthless society, and getting their teeth knocked out. (No of course I haven’t seen that snipe on tumblr, whyever would you think that. >_> >_> >_>)

7. Tbh when it comes to the Numenoreans’ “we want to be immortal” and jealousy of the elves thing, I think he must sympathize, because I mean like……he……wanted…..to become immortal….too? He became immortal, when he was given a chance to choose otherwise? I don’t think he did it because he was afraid of death (not that I think he wasn’t afraid of death at all either, just that I don’t think it was the prime reason - I hc Elros as being fairly afraid of death too tbh) and obviously it wasn’t to go to Aman, but I don’t think those were the Numenoreans’ only issues either….to want to live! To think life is good, to want to keep doing more with it, to want to keep doing more in it, to be attached to the world and one’s culture and one’s people and to not want to leave the places and people one loves, to want to know if one’s children and grandchildren will be happy, to want to see what will happen in the future - The love of Arda was set in your hearts by Ilúvatar, and hedoes not plant to no purpose. Nonetheless, many ages of Men unborn maypass ere that purpose is made known - I can’t see him being dismissive or scornful, or even him having no feelings in general, about this element of the Numenoreans’ clusterfuck, however bad his feelings are about the rest.

[housebeleren]

Throne of Eldraine Limited - Bomb Rares

Alright. Last but definitely not least, we have the Rares & Mythics of Throne of Eldraine. Let’s see which ones are going to dominate the battlefield during prerelease and which ones are ... less exciting.

White

I may be very wrong, but I have this pegged as not only the best White card, but also the best Rare in the set overall, at least as far as limited is concerned. In White, it shouldn’t be difficult at all to get this to cost 4 mana, and if you untap with it, it will take over the game in short order. The Legendary text is mostly fluff, but you don’t need it for this to be incredible. 4.5/5

Cheap tappers are always good, and adding a kill spell to it pushes this into the great category. If you can take out a big monster first, then this will allow you to control the board pretty easily. I’m erring on the side of always running this. 4.0/5

A 7/7 Vigilance for 7 isn’t great on its own, but this Giant comes with a board wipe attached to break parity. There’s basically no way this card isn’t going to provide advantage, and it shouldn’t be hard to make it work out even more in your favor. 4.0/5

Blue

Blue really doesn’t have any bonkers Rares, but its lower rarities are solid enough that it should still be a good color. Brazen Borrower is an efficient trick tacked on to an efficient flier, and it will always be good, even if you just cast the creature half. But it’s definitely not broken. 3.5/5

Gadwick definitely has more potential in formats like Commander, where you can draw piles of cards off him. In Limited, you should probably be content to cast him for 4 or 5 mana, and draw a couple cards off him. The good news is he scales well into the late game, and if you untap with him in a heavy Blue deck, he can completely dominate the board. 3.5/5

Black

This seems pretty nuts. If they can’t deal with it immediately, they’re almost certainly going to pay the toll, at which point you’ll be drawing cards and keeping your life total healthy. Even if they kill it after they untap, you’ve successfully 2-for-1d them, and if they don’t have an answer for this, it’ll completely run away with the game. Pretty solid bomb. 4.5/5

Hero’s Downfall would already be a top pick, but attaching that to a solid creature is just nuts. Definitely first pick material. 4.0/5

Wow, this also seems super good. If you can keep this around for a while, you’ll create a rat swarm, and once you get 3 of them, you can just start taking over your opponent’s board. This also combos nicely with Mad Ratter. 4.0/5

Black does have some bonkers Rares, doesn’t it? Rankle would be playable on base stats alone, but the ability is crazy. Sure, they’re all symmetrical, but you only have to choose those ones that are more advantageous to you at the time. It takes some smart usage, but a savvy player can build this to be totally busted. 4.0/5

Red

You’ve heard of Flametongue Kavu, right? Well, this is pretty damn close to that, just with the effect and the creature split up over 2 casts. It’s completely reasonable to torch your opponent to the face or whatever creature they drop turn 2, then just immediately play this turn 3, at which point you’ve swapped the tempo entirely. If you draw it late game, you can do it all at once, which is a pretty big hit to the board. this will be good any way you slice it. 4.0/5

On attack, assuming you’re swinging with more than one creature, Embercleave acts a lot like Uncaged Fury, a totally solid trick, but with the upside that you get to keep the benefit around for later turns. That’s pretty bonkers, and I’d always run this. 4.0/5

Okay, there is a condition on here which a lot of people will forget, which is that it can only hit Humans or Artifacts. That said, most decks will have some targets, and if they do, this is basically Dungeon Geists with an extra point of power, and that’s crazy good. But the failsafe is it’s a 4/3 flier for 4, which is already a strong card. 4.0/5

This is effectively a 4/4 for 4, which is some decent stats to begin with, but it immediately buffs all your Red creatures for +2/+0, and that will lead to some big swings very quickly. This even scales up your burn spells, allowing you to take down big creatures or realistically taking down your opponent with them. You want to be heavy Red to maximize this, for sure, but it’s an incredible playoff if you are. 4.0/5

Green

It’s a hefty mana requirement, but it shouldn’t be too difficult to achieve in this format. Once it’s out, it’s going to be the biggest thing on the board, and it can come back over and over with some good Food support. 4.0/5

There’s no way this isn’t going to be insane. It’s a pile of stats and abilities, with evasion, and it even gets through any protection your opponent may have. The Planeswalker text will rarely come up, but that’s more for constructed. In limited, the rest of the stats already push this over the top. 4.0/5

I mean... this seems good. If you have a Food when this comes down, you can immediately sacrifice it to win any fight it gets into. Either way, it’s going to take something out, and it threatens to become an impossible to remove, massive threat with just a little bit of support. 4.0/5

Multicolored & Colorless

Planeswalkers are typically great, and Garruk seems like no exception. For the most part, you’ll just pump out Wolves one turn after another, and occasionally you’ll use his minus to clean up the board. Seems good. 4.0/5

This seems... really good. It’s your top end for sure, but it ambushes attackers and eats basically anything when it does so. Not only that, but once you untap with it, it becomes a hard to block, card-drawing threat that can come back from the dead. So um yeah... Seems really fucking good. 4.5/5

Oko is a little less certain than Garruk, but I suspect he’ll be good. He comes in with a pile of loyalty, and can swap the Food he makes for their creatures, including the ones he transforms. My guess is that he’ll play better than he looks (and he looks damn fine.) 4.0/5

Assuming you’re not literally about to die, this seems completely insane. A free creature every turn is big game, and after only a few turns, this will very quickly overwhelm your opponent. I suspect this will be awesome. 4.5/5

So that’s it for the crazy bombs. Let’s quickly run down the other Rares and see how they stack up.

Acclaimed Contender - Solid stats and will often find a friend when it comes in. Seems good. 3.0

Charming Prince - Most of the time, this will be a bear that Scries when it comes in, which is pretty good. Once in a while, it’ll flicker a creature that’s under a debilitating Aura, in which case it will be great. 2.5

Happily Ever After - Alternate win cons are usually more for constructed than limited, and this is no exception. Don’t play this. 0.0

Hushbringer - For the most part, this is a Healer’s Hawk, but without all the synergies that made that card work. I’m not expecting this to be great. 1.5

Linden, the Steadfast Queen - Triple White on turn three isn’t easy to achieve, but Linden will be a solid play through most of the game. You really want to be heavy White so you can cast this on curve. 2.5

Worthy Knight - This is a solid turn 2 play, and with enough Knights in your deck it’s going to churn out dorks, which can rapidly get out of hand. Definitely prioritize Knights when you get this early. 3.0

Emry, Lurker of the Loch - I mean, I supposed there’s an Artifact deck around this somewhere, but mostly it just seems underwhelming. Save this for breaking in Commander. 1.5

Fae of Wishes - Wish cards are much better in constructed, since in limited you’ll usually have all your playables in your deck. But, the fail case as a 1/4 flying isn’t awful, and once in a while you’ll be able to get some extra value out of it. 2.5

Folio of Fancies - This is the most likely way you’ll get a milling win out of this set, but for the most part, it’s a card that does a lot of nothing. 1.5

The Magic Mirror - You’re rarely going to be able to cast this for less than 6 or 7, and that’s way too much to do nothing for a full turn. You really want 3 turns off of this for it to be at all worth it, and I don’t see that happening often. 0.5

Midnight Clock - If you need a mana rock for Blue, knock your socks off. But the rest of the text on this card is meaningless. 1.0

Mirrormade - Clones are usually decent, but this one only hitting Artifacts & Enchantments is a major drawback. I’d pass. 1.0

Stolen by the Fae - Sorcery-speed bounce is not usually where I’d like to be, but this one mitigates it by making a flood of flying tokens. 3.5

Vantress Gargoyle - Obviously, it’s efficiently costed, but it’s unclear how easy it will be to overcome either drawback. I’ll start by saying I think this card will be good, provided you put a little work into the build. 3.0

Ayara, First of Locthwain - Ayara is certainly a good deal for 3 CMC, but triple Black is no joke, and she becomes a lot less potent the later the game goes. Try to have plenty of Black sources to run this. 2.5

Blacklance Paragon - Most of the time, this is going to be an ambush blocker, or a way to trade a cheaper Knight for a big threat your opponent throws down. A lot of action for 2 mana. 3.0

The Cauldron of Eternity - I think a lot of people will run this in decks that shouldn’t. Most of the time, by the time you are able to cast this, the game will be almost over. 1.0

Oathsworn Knight - I like this guy a lot. He is efficiently costed and hard to take down. The only thing I don’t love is his must attack trigger, which keeps him from being incredible. But still good. 3.5

Wishclaw Talisman - Save the tutors for constructed, especially ones that come with a downside. At least if your opponent does use it, I guess you get to use it one last time? 1.0

Witch’s Vengeance - Most of the time, this will kill a few things, but it may be hard to line it up to kill what you want, since chances are your creature types will overlap with your opponent’s. 2.0

Fervent Champion - This feels much more like a constructed plant for the Knights deck, since a 1/1 gets outclassed so fast in limited. 2.0

Fires of Invention - I don’t get this card, since it doesn’t even help you draw into cards to play with its ability. Seems like a great wast of a card slot. 0.0

Irencrag Feat - This is a bunch of ramp, but the restriction means you really need something huge to cast for it to be worth anything. My hunch is you won’t have that card often enough for this to work. 1.0

Irencrag Pyromancer - You really want to get a couple triggers off this, but as soon as you get one, you’re in business. Chucking bolts at things is no joke, and with a solid enabler like Loch Dragon, this could win you the game. 3.5

Robber of the Rich - 2/2 with Haste for 2 mana is a decent start, but this guy will get blanked fairly quickly, which means you’ll often have to sacrifice him to get to cast anything he steals. Which seems... eh? And what if you hit lands? Play this mainly for the base stats, which are solid. 3.0

Sundering Stroke - Okay, of course the dream is to cast this off Irencrag Feat, which I totally get. As-is, it’s a good effect, but the mana cost is intense. If this format ends up being slower than I expect, I could see it being playable, but for now I imagine it languishing in hands. 1.5

Gilded Goose - An unexciting card on its own, the real power here is the ability to generate Food on demand. In decks with good payoffs, this can be a powerful enabler. 2.5

The Great Henge - This definitely requires the right buildaround, as it is definitely not for weenie decks. In decks with lots of 4-5 power Creatures, I could see it happening, especially if you can immediately follow it up with a 2 drop to get value right away. 2.5

Lovestruck Beast - This is really more of a 4 drop, but you can split it up over two turns, and that’s super solid. From there, it’s crazy stats, and all you need to do is make sure you keep your 1/1 safe. Or, y’know, make new ones if they die. 3.5

Once Upon a Time - Without the “first spell” text, this would be a Common we see every set, and it’s about that good here. 1.5

Return of the Wildspeaker - Most of the time, you’ll cast the trick half of this for some combat blowout, and that’s pretty solid in the right deck. Once in a while, the card draw will be the choice. 2.5

Wildborn Preserver - 2/2 with Reach & Flash is great to begin with, but being able to make this bigger as the game goes on seems great. 3.5

Yorvo, Lord of Garenbrig - Yorvo is super potent, if you can get him out on-curve, which is no easy feat. Trample would’ve been nice. 3.5

Dance of the Manse - In the deck, this might get you back a few useful pieces, even if you never get the second bit of text. 2.0

Doom Foretold - Normally, attrition effects like this are not very good in limited, but the fact that this rewards you once they can’t pay anymore makes this better than it would be otherwise. But it is possible to hurt yourself more than your opponent with this, so I’d mostly leave it for constructed. 1.5

Escape to the Wilds - This is some potent card draw & ramp, bundled into one, and I suspect it’s worth trying out. 2.5

Faeburrow Elder - This guy goes against everything else in the set and wants you to play lots of colors. That makes me think it will be worse than it would be in a normal set, despite it being pretty solid on base. 3.0

The Royal Scions - There’s a lot of hating on these two, but I think they’ll play decently. They come in with tons of loyalty, trigger any of your “draw two” triggers every turn, and can make some of your threats impossible to block effectively. Not the best ‘Walker, but seems good. 3.5

Stormfist Crusader - The card draw bit is a wash, so mostly I’m evaluating this on the stats, Menace, and relevant creature types. S’aright. 2.5

Sorcerous Spyglass - Nope. Leave it for constructed. 0.0

Stonecoil Serpent - Jesus, remember when Endless One seemed like it was ridiculous? Just add Reach, Trample, and Protection onto that. No biggie. 3.5

Castles - These all seem decent, and are mostly free to include in your deck. 3.0 for Castles Ardenvale, Locthwain, and Vantress. 2.5 for Castle Embereth. 2.0 for Castle Garenbrig.

So that’s it. Good luck at prerelease!