#the captions might work or might not? at least hulu is probably not going to risk giving me a virus i HOPE??

[toytulini]

getting real fucking fed up with hulu :)))))))))))))

[wwe-screenshot-storytelling]

We interrupt your regular programming to bring you a (long) message

I hate to bring this up, I really do. But I’m running out of other options.

I’ve been job hunting for months and with my surgery and graduating college and all of the other stuff going on, I need to ask for help. I’ve been thinking of setting up a Patreon for a while so that anybody who wanted some extra exclusive content could have that as well as maybe other stuff (I’m writing a non wrestling related book, I’ve been around Indie wrestling my entire life and have some stories, or could interview folks at my local fed, heck, maybe I’d edit videos or do commentary if I could afford it) and that might be my only option right now.

No one is willing to hire a recent graduate who has some physical issues. I don’t have the experience they want, the degree they want, whatever. I have some possible part time work in the future, but I have bills that have to get paid if I want to continue to live. 

So that leaves me with two options, if that. 

Option 1, I give up on this blog and dedicate 100% of my time to trying to find work anywhere. I spend a lot more time on this than it probably looks like. I watch Raw and Smackdown twice, almost three times each. I take about a hundred screenshots of different things, only 21 of which end up on the blog each week. I spend several hours writing the different captions, and some of them actually end up being funny. I do this and have been doing it for a year because I love it and love how much you guys have seemed to love it. Every time you love, reblog, tag, add captions, anything, I feel like this is worth it. But I can’t spend almost 20 hours a week on it anymore if I have no way to pay for the Hulu subscription at least. 

Which leads us to the second option: I set up a Patreon and ask everyone to donate $1 or 2 or 5 or whatever you individually can do in exchange for more content or any of the options above. If it’s nothing, that’s fine too, if I make enough this blog will continue to run as usual. But I have to ask for help here. Apparently the only thing I’m good at is this. 

Would you all be willing to help me if it meant I could keep doing this? 

I’ll update everybody by Saturday, May 19th (Just after my birthday) on what I have to do. If I get a job from one of the places I interviewed, set up the Patreon page, or this post gets no response and I end up having to shut down my blog, I’ll let you all know then.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for being here with me. 

-The Storyteller

[eliteprepsat]

The Past Subjunctive and Standard Written English

“If I was rich girl (na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na nah) . . .” —Gwen Stefani, “Rich Girl” (2004)

“If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go . . .” —Justin Bieber, “Boyfriend” (2012)

“I know murder, conviction Burners, boosters, burglars, ballers, dead, redemption, Scholars, fathers dead with kids, And I wish I was fed forgiveness . . .” —Kendrick Lamar, “DNA.” (2017)

“If I were a boy I think I could understand . . .” —Beyoncé (2008)

It’s common knowledge that people today just do not read as much literature as they used to. The potential rewards of reading a Victorian novel or a Shakespearean tragedy don’t stand a chance against the instant gratification of Netflix and Hulu, of Snapchat and Instagram, of video games and YouTube.

And yet most of us do read, perhaps more than ever before. And we are all authors. It’s just that most of us don’t read and write “literature.”

We read text messages. We read Tweets, Facebook statuses, and Instagram captions. We write these things, too. And these forms of reading and writing are, perhaps without our full awareness, having a profound effect on the English language, one that we won’t be able to fully gauge for years to come.

But this steady stream of words read and written exists in the shadow of an old, musty measuring stick called Standard Written English. It’s mostly unheard of during regular hours, as we pepper the world freely with slang, abbreviations, and emoji. Because we don’t live our day-to-day lives within the parameters of Standard Written English, it presents problems when we’re judged according to its standards—by standardized tests, high school teachers, university professors, and the otherwise well-read.

Because we don’t live our day-to-day lives within the parameters of Standard Written English, it presents problems when we’re judged according to its standards.

In addition to all the words flashing before our eyes—on cell phones, laptops, and billboards—we’re immersed in the words of popular music, today more available than ever thanks to streaming services like Spotify and Pandora. Like text messages, pop songs aren’t usually grammatical, at least according to the strict parameters of Standard Written English.

This isn’t to say they’re “wrong”—language changes and evolves with time, and popular music is as good a record as any of how the English language lives and breathes today. It is to say, though, that the words we take in every day do not typically follow the capital-R “Rules” that still largely dictate academic standards.

Take the pop songs I quoted above. All four examples use what is called the “past subjunctive mood.” You can spot it with words and phrases like “if,” “wish,” “suppose,” and “as though,” words and phrases often used to describe situations that are counterfactual, or contrary to fact.

When Gwen Stefani sings “If I was a rich girl,” she’s imagining how life would be if she were rich (Gwen Stefani is, of course, rich, but she’s singing from the perspective she had before achieving fame).

When Justin Bieber sings “If I was your boyfriend,” he’s explaining how he would behave if he were, but, of course, he (probably) is not.

When Kendrick Lamar sings “I wish I was fed forgiveness,” he is wishing for a life he didn’t have.

And when Beyoncé sings “If I were a boy,” she’s imagining an alternative reality.

She’s also the only one among the four who uses the past subjunctive according to the rules of Standard Written English.

The past subjunctive is a grammatical mood in English used to describe situations that are contrary to fact; Beyoncé is not a boy and Justin Bieber is not your boyfriend (probably).

The past subjunctive uses the past tense verb “were” no matter what the subject is: “If I were,” “Suppose they were,” “If she were,” “I wish he were,” etc. If you are using a word like “if” or “wish” to describe a situation that is not actual, then Standard Written English dictates that you use the verb “were.”

The past subjunctive is a grammatical mood in English used to describe situations that are contrary to fact; Beyoncé is not a boy and Justin Bieber is not your boyfriend (probably).

If the situation is not contrary to fact, then you would use whichever verb matches the subject. For example, if you said something potentially offensive to a friend, you might say, “I’m sorry if I was rude earlier today.” Here, you would use “was” because it is possible that you were actually rude (i.e. this statement is not necessarily contrary to fact).

(There is also a mood called the “present subjunctive,” but that’s a subject best covered in another blog post.)

If “If I were” sounds strange to you, you’re not alone. But if you want to slay the albatross known as Standard Written English, you’d be wise to master its sometimes arcane rules and to locate them at work in the text messages, statuses, captions, and lyrics that populate your everyday life.

Stephen P. is a writer and teacher based in Los Angeles. He has taught literature and writing courses at several universities and has taught writing and reading at Elite Prep Los Angeles since 2010.

[megaphonemonday]

#PickUpPitch prompt fills - would’ve gotten away with it too

@alwayskels is an absolute champ and sent in even more postcards asking Netflix and Hulu to #PickUpPitch

The prompt: While in Toronto for an away game Ginny takes Drake up on his offer for a date. The Padres don't trust him and crash their date to keep an eye on their girl.

(If you’d like me to write a 1K word fic for a prompt of your own, follow the directions at the end of this post)

read on ao3

If Ginny hadn’t been starting for their first game in Toronto, she might have paid more attention to whatever the hell it was her teammates were up to. But this was her first chance to play in an interleague game at an American League field. Much as she was looking forward to having a DH, she needed to have a strong start if that was all she could contribute to the game. And that meant knowing the Blue Jays lineup front, back, and inside out.

So, when Blip shoved another bottle of champagne in her face, along with another opened card, Ginny made general sounds of interest to whatever questions were thrown her way all while keeping her eyes fixed on scouting reports. 

There was part of her that wondered what the big deal was, but the heat maps and video on her tablet were way more important. Not that Eliot seemed to understand when he insisted on snapping a picture of her and the champagne to post to instagram. Ginny smiled and went straight back to her prep work. 

(If there was more discontented muttering around her than usual, Ginny clearly had other things to focus on.)

In fact, she completely forgot about the interruption until after the game—a solid seven innings in which she only allowed one run to the Padres’ four—when she was leaving her curtained off area and nearly walked straight into Lawson.

He leaned against one of the cubbies, leather jacket on and backpack at his feet. In his hand was the forgotten bottle of champagne. 

“Forgetting something?” he asked, gruff. Probably because he’d had to pick up after her. 

She took the bottle off him. “Didn’t this come with a card?” There was a vague memory of an already opened card.

Mike fished it out of his pocket and handed it over. Ginny didn’t allow herself to wonder if he would’ve given it back if she hadn’t asked. Instead, she read it over.

Ginny, 

I know you turned down the jet, but maybe you’ll consider meeting up with me now that you’re in town? I’m hosting a party downtown tonight, I’d love to see you there.

Hit me up,

Drake

Laughing a little, she swung her backpack off her shoulders to stow both the gift and card. 

“So, shouldn’t you be getting ready?”

“Huh?”

Mike shook his head, rolling his eyes. “Don’t you check your instagram?”

“Do you?” she shot back, straightening up.

He grumbled and shoved his phone in her face. On the screen was the picture Eliot must have taken before the game. She’d gotten much better at smiling on demand; the grin on her face looked entirely natural. 

It was the caption and comments, though, that her captain probably wanted her to see. Something a little flirty from her—Eliot maybe needed a little oversight from now on—followed by a comment from Drake and some back and forth that eventually landed on Eliot accepting a date with a rapper on Ginny’s behalf.

Yeah, he definitely needed some oversight.

Ginny handed Mike his phone back and shrugged. “Huh. I guess you’re right.” The guys were going out to celebrate the win, but they could probably do with a night off from the Ginny Baker circus. 

Mike’s eyes narrowed. “About what?”

“That I should be getting ready,” she tossed over her shoulder with a grin.

Ginny smoothed the tight skirt of her dress back down over her thighs. When she’d gotten back to the hotel, Amelia’d already had it waiting. It was beautiful. even if it was more to her agent’s taste than hers. Still, the appreciative up and down that her date—Jesus, she was on a date with Drake—gave her when he met her at the door was nice. 

She’d blushed and didn’t really even mind when he left her in the VIP area to mingle. Apparently hosting a party at an actual club was serious business. The fact that he was cute and had been focused so intently on her meant the breathing room was probably necessary. 

A fun night out was one thing, but letting herself get distracted by some fling was not in her plans. Definitely not for her first season in the majors, at least.

She was just thinking about getting another drink when her attention snagged on a group of club goers crowding the steps up into the VIP platform, no doubt trying to talk their way in. Ordinarily, this kind of thing wouldn’t have fazed her, but the sight of a very familiar face (and beard, god damn it) had her pushing through the crowd to investigate.

“These friends of yours, Miss Baker?” asked the bouncer on her arrival. Ginny turned to survey the group waiting at the bottom of the steps. 

Her teammates.

Most of them had the sense to look somewhat contrite, though whether that was because they were spying or because they’d been caught, Ginny couldn’t say. Mike grinned, though, not even bothering to look repentant. Blip shuffled a step away in shame.

Good. 

She studied them for a long moment, crossing her arms over her chest and enjoying watching them squirm. Finally, she smiled, indulgent and forgiving, waiting until the tension in their shoulders relaxed and they began jostling and ribbing each other, ready to join the party. 

Only then did Ginny turn back to the bouncer and announce, “Nope. Never seen them in my life.”

The bouncer grinned his approval. “You heard her, boys.”

At that, she turned on her heel, ignoring the protests of her teammates and not even caring that they were going to give her so much shit for this. 

She had better things to do. Like get a drink and finish her date with a world famous rapper. 

(If she looked over her shoulder and caught Mike’s annoyed gaze, that was Ginny’s business. If she also stuck her tongue out at him and waited until he nodded his acknowledgment of her victory, that was even more her business.)

[italicwatches]

[legacy content] My Hero Academia - Episode 01

I am a bundle of nerves. And not just in the literal “I have so damn many nerve endings in my body right now” sense. …Anyways, let’s try to fight the nerves back with a new show. This is another one where I’m playing to the crowd, to build up for doing something that’s really just for me. So it’s My Hero Academia time! Here’s what I know: Superheroes. People like it a lot. The manga’s of the next gen now that the Big Three are a thing of an age ago. Let’s see how it turns out, in My Hero Academia, episode 01! Here we GO!

-I…Okay, Hulu has literally decided it no longer wants to work on my tablet. It worked literally perfectly the last time I watched something on it. …Okay. Funimation app it is.

-We begin, with…Oh my god did you seriously just start the ads over because I switched to Japanese audio. Oh my god this is awful. Oh my god this is the worst. How long is their free trial, again?

-Okay, we’re back. We begin, with a young boy, defending a crying friend. And he’s terrified…But he’s willing to fight…Okay. Okay the fucking captions aren’t lining up. I can’t WORK LIKE THIS.

-Got Hulu working. Little baby protagonist, scared. HEY THE SUBS WORK RIGHT. He’s gonna fight! But the bullies have superpowers! Stretchy parts, and wings, and fire, and our hero kid Deku…Does not. So he gets the shit kicked out of him, because at the age of four, he learned that all men are not created equal…

-But he made a fuckin’ choice. He could’ve let himself remain lesser, or he could pull himself up, and claw up every scrap he could from this world. And as we come into the now, Deku, real name Izuku Midoriya, is a spry, athletic youth who doesn’t shy away from the conflicts of supers, from engaging his fan-boyish joy in these broad displays…

-Opening! No subs, of course. Will that be fixed? Look, I’m just hoping I can actually watch the show.

-And we get some history. It began in China. A baby was born that gave off a constant source of light…And then, all around the world, others were born with powers, extraordinary abilities. Some of them from birth, some finding them in puberty…The supernatural, the extraordinary, became ordinary. 80% of the population now has some kind of power, some unique thing. It’s a place of chaos, but as in all times, one can look for the helpers. The good souls, the warriors of justice…

-The superheroes.

-And as the huge villain that Deku’s watching kicks an entire electrical line and its tower down, another man races in, catching it! The hero Death Arms, with overwhelming physical strength, holds the entire structure upright…As a water controller, Backdraft, quickly creates a safety line! It seems this crook’s a glorified bag snatcher, but lost control and went monstrous. And that’s when fangirl favorite Kamui leaps in for the actual restraint, as Deku gets his way up to the front of the safety line to watch…Kamui Woods, the rising star! One of the other guys watching can recognize such an eager fan of the local heroes, as our barked hero is flung back…But he doesn’t even flinch, sprouting branches from his arms, to unleash the PRE-EMPTIVE, BINDING, LACQUERED CHAIN PRISON!

-Except CANYON CANNON! A giantess leaps in from the side, and kicks the monster-man right in the side of the fuckin’ head, making her big hero debut! Mt. Lady is here, ands is nowhere near above showing off her ass to the fanboys and oglers in the audience if it gets her attention. As we see, there’s an explosion in crime, but also an explosion in those who war against that crime. With the efforts to adjust the laws, the police and the system to deal with all of this slow in coming, the people had to take efforts themselves…Until heroes became an accepted standard, a way of life.

-It’s since become an official position, a government job with serious paychecks and some real perks…And Deku, not even noticing the whole fan service angle, is busy jotting down his analysis of her actual combat and her macro power. Which is very impressive, but means she could cause real damage to the city, so she’s probably going to be of limited use and only called in for the biggest threats, unless she can control how big she gets…

-Episode 01! Izuku Midoriya: Origin

-Then it’s to Aldera Junior High, where in class, the question of what to do is a thing. Many students in their future are, of course, intending to be heroes…With Katsuki Bakugo, one smug motherfucker, intending to get up to the top. To not just be some small-town local hero, but to be the big deal. He’s even passed the mock tests, and intends to be even better than the top hero, All Might himself! And he’s going to get there by going to the top school in the nation for supers, the best of the best…

-Oh and our protagonist also wants to go there. Despite his lack of powers. And then people are laughing at him and he’s getting a bit freaked out…And what are you gonna do, man?

-Which is when, at 12:02 PM, a slime monster is fleeing, another bag-snatcher type who took a bunch of cash, and yet all the local heroes are filling out paperwork back at the office…When one man chooses to bulk up, and step in to get involved…

-Commercial break!

-And we are back! The school day is over, and our humble protagonist is ready to head home…When Katsuki steals his notebook right out of his hand. This is…Right, look, I’m gonna level with you, I’m having a hard time get through these scenes. So you know what, we’re cutting through the detailed analysis. Katsuki is a piece of shit, burns the notebook, I want to see him broken, and the only reason I am willing to push through is because it is necessary.

-And on our protagonist’s way home, we cut to young Izuku watching an old video as a child…All Might’s debut, a hellish crash scene, the man who dove in and hauled people out by the dozen…Who became a symbol. Not the first hero, but the one who changed the world…Who made people believe in the real might of heroism. In the idea that one could do great things…

-And then, the doctor’s visit. The one where Izuku’s Quirk seems to simply not exist. His mother has powers of physical attraction(as in, she can force objects to come to her hands), and his father can breathe fire…Izuku should have shown one of these, or else something unique…As we see a, well, quirk. A telltale sign. Whatever process started the powers developing, it also rejected a few unnecessary parts of baseline humans…The simplest one to check? An extra joint in your pinky toe. Your average super has a single joint there; Izuku, has two. Like you or I.

-And he went from watching those videos with giddy joy, with desire to save others as the man he so idolized…To watching them in despair, in depression, in the vain and futile hope that something would change…Why the fuck did I commit to this. Why, the fuck, did I do this to myself. As young Izuku’s mother fell into sobs, at the despair of her boy…

-And back in the now, Izuku tries to fire himself up, tries to hold on, as he cuts through a tunnel. He made a fucking choice. He chose to keep pushing forward. There’s only one way to show a guy like Katsuki, and it’s to prove him wrong the hard way…!

-But as he passes through…The slime creature rises up, choosing to try and take him over and use his body as a shell with which to escape! Izuku struggles, fighting, trying to save himself, as the thing drowns him in its own muck…His notebook falls, and he sees childhood designs of his own theoretical costume…Will this be his last sight…?!

-No. Because All Might has chased this thing down right here. He dodges a vicious whipping blow from the slime, and unleashes, a single blow…The TEXAS SMASH, whose mere hellish pressure slams through the slime’s entire body, knocking it to pieces and freeing our young hero! He falls to the ground, losing consciousness, but alive…

-And when Izuku comes back to…It’s with fuckin’ All Might himself staring over him, trying to make sure he’s okay! All Might, who apologizes to the young man for getting caught up in things, but there’s nothing to fear! And he’s caught the slime creature safely, by emptying some soda bottles and putting the thing-that-was-once-a-man in them! Hahahahaha!

-And Izuku freaks out a little bit, okay a lot, and oh god think he needs an autograph okay notebook—ALL MIGHT ALREADY SIGNED IT FOR HIM HOLY SHIIIIIT

-So All Might has to get going…And good luck and good day, young man! But as he prepares to get going, Izuku is caught up, still feeling like he needs to ask something…When All Might realizes, a bit belatedly as he leaps into the sky, that this young fan is still clinging to his leg. Well this is a problem. But okay! You have questions, then just hold on tight, he’ll make a safe landing somewhere better…And then All Might has to hold back a cough. One that’s…a bit bloody…

-So the duo end up landing on a rooftop, where Izuku is barely able to stand, but he made it. And now All Might has to really get going…But Izuku, Izuku, who’s idolized this man for his entire life, who…Who feels so inadequate before his hero…Who…Can’t get the questions, the yearning, the overwhelming desire for a single scrap of encouragement, past his lips…

-Until finally, he has to squeeze his eyes shut, has to clench his fists, and beg to know. Can a man without a Quirk, become a great hero? Could a nobody like him, hope to be someone like you, All Might?!

-And that gets the hero to stop. To look back, and really see young Izuku for the first time. Not as just another fan, or a bystander in a battle…But a young man who truly needs a hero…

-Credits!

Well, that had some heavy, tough moments, to be sure. But we’re through the first episode, and now things will hopefully change. Not least, I’m hoping one of these fucking apps actually works correctly. Seriously, how is it so hard to do subbed anime correctly…

Ahem. Anyways, look forward to more content next time, in episode TWO of My Hero Academia! Wait for it!

[beckerblogging]

Last Man Standing is one of my favorite TV shows of all time, if not my favorite TV show ever. I have watched the entire series many times and have probably spent way too many weekday afternoons watching reruns on CMT and Hulu. 

Although this has been very hard to come up with, here are my top 10 favorite episodes of Last Man Standing in order!

Precious Snowflake: I love this episode and it is my favorite since it makes fun of colleges. I love it when a person, especially a big-name TV show, makes fun of today’s colleges. It’s also nice that the writing was so well done with it when it comes to talking about the whole “microaggressions” thing. I think the episode opened people’s minds to what is happening on college campuses today, which is what needed to happen. It also helps that one of the clips from the show went viral.

The Ring: What makes this episode great is that Mandy and Kyle had been dating for years and it was nice to see that the nice guy ended up with the pretty girl. I also liked how Kyle was so naive about the whole thing because it speaks well to his character. Near the end, it also seemed as though Kyle is wiser than what some people may think. When he proposes to Mandy and she says yes, I like how Tim Allen’s character, Mike Baxter, had to “clean up” his wife, Vanessa, because of how overly emotional she was. Lastly, I like seeing Mike’s BlackBerry Passport. That’s a cool smartphone that should have been more mainstream.

Helen Potts: This was the Home Improvement reunion episode and they did a great job with it. Chuck saying “Heidy ho!” I have not seen much of Home Improvement, but do know that that was Wilson’s line when spoke to Tim Allen over the fence. The ending is nice because you see Tim Allen’s Home Improvement wife, along with one of his son’s from that series.

Take Me to Church: What a great episode this was since it’s actually about a priest and church in general and how it can be pretty boring at times. But more importantly for me, I like how when the priest is asking for donations, he mentions that the church accepts Apple Pay. The ending speech of the episode is a good one too.

Trick or Treat: Talk about CLEVER! The idea of the main cast dressing as themselves and then Mike dressing up as Donald Trump was truly genius. Chuck dressing up as an evil Donald Trump with a devil’s tale was also funny.

Explorers: What was nice about this episode was that it shows how close Mike Baxter and Ed Alzate. It was also funny to have them all (everyone but Ed) playing poker and then having them run to the bathroom because they were all getting a colonoscopy the next day. A good episode and it was nice to see Ed in Mike’s vlog at the end.

The Road Less Driven: This is a good episode since it features Jay Leno, who honestly does have a funny character in the series. It’s also good to see that he is a mechanic since I don’t think that mechanics or anyone in the trades get enough respect. That scene where they’re both ranting about Obama and his whole laws on having a pit is hilarious.

College Girl: Absolutely love that they brought back Jonathan Taylor Thomas (JTT) who plays that restaurant owner. Kristen quitting her job at the diner and joining Thomas’s restaurant where she will get paid more is a nice upgrade for her character. JTT being at their house to pick Kristen up for her first shift is smart not because of carpooling, but more so because his character is knowledgeable on what is and isn’t good for a local business. Also, this clip from the show is hilarious!

Mike Advises Mandy: Once again, another great episode for this series. What sold me on it is that it shows Mandy wanting to get better at her online business. I also like how Mike starts going on about how to make the site more professional with a better template (it’s tech stuff, how can I resist?) and to raise her prices to be a more premium brand. Best of all, it is assumed that she gets enough money to pay her debt from the IRS. Mike saves the day again!

Grandparent’s Day: Last but not least, I wanted to include one episode from the first season in this! This is a good episode because of Mike saying, “The ‘S’ word is not stupid, it’s socialism.” When I was watching this show, I was at Iowa State for my college, and the students there are obsessed with socialism and thinking that it needs to replace Capitalism here in the United States. Mike���s comment made me feel as though I am not the only person out there who thinks that the idea of socialism is stupid and has been proven time and time again to not work. The series shows early on that it is willing to NOT be politically correct.

Obviously I love the series as a whole and that these are just my favorite top 10 episodes. Almost every episode is pretty great in its own unique way. To anyone from a network that might be seeing this, please bring this show back for a seventh season to at least wrap the series up. I guarantee that your ratings will go up significantly!

My Top 10 Favorite ‘Last Man Standing’ Episodes Last Man Standing is one of my favorite TV shows of all time, if not my favorite TV show ever.