#the boy that made my life a living hell for the first 13 years of my life

[trashpremiium]

y’all ever just find out something batshit insane about someone you grew up with and you’re left with the feeling of like. huh i’ve grown up and changed and everything has changed.

[21witnokidz]

The Lady in My Life

Summary: 09!Ghost who lost his wife to his job meets 22!Ghost who also lost his wife to his job.

09!Ghost is green. 22!Ghost is blue.

Warning: Miscarriage, death, smut

“Sorry mate but I just don’t believe any this shite coming out your mouth”

“I can hardly bloody believe it myself gov”

Simon Riley, well the first one. The one who says he time traveled here from the past. A past where Simon accidentally walked into a time machine while securing an underground bunker.

“You said it’s 2022 yeah? Well I reckon I jumped 13 years into the future”

Simon had to take a step back. He was looking at himself from 13 years ago. And it’s been 13 years since…

“Right, my name is Simon Riley uh I used to have a brother named Tommy who passed..”

Simon’s ears immediately perked at the sound of his brother’s name. He told no one about his brother except for his ex wife. He was actively listening to Simon as he carried on.

“And I used to have a girl who loved me” Simon uncrossed his arms and slowly made his way to Simon who was visibly seen getting emotional and shifting his weight. “We had a little boy but then…”

“I know” Simon put his hand on the younger Simon’s shoulder.

-

“Now you know I ain’t no proper chap but the least I can do is help you adapt here until we find a way to bring you back” Simon said slamming a bottle of whiskey on the table. “You love Kentucky right?

“I fucking love Kentucky”

They began to pour each other drinks while talking about their lives.

“You know I always wondered why we were so afraid of that skull mask. It looks fucking amazing on us”

“Yea well we knew Tommy had an ugly mug under that mask so that was probably the cause of all the terror”

The Simons had gotten to a point where they were laughing at their own past traumas over some liquor in the common area of the base. But after a while it wasn’t so funny anymore.

“Do we ever get over it?”

“We do. It took some time but we did”

“I just always blame myself”

“There was nothing we could’ve done”

There was a beat of silence for a minute.

“I don’t ever think I’ll forget the look on her face”

“But it was for the best. If we hadn’t done what we did our families could’ve gotten hurt” Simon slumped in the couch and threw an arm over his eyes.

“What the hell are you on about? This is 13 years in the future innit? Our family has been dead for over a decade now!”

Even if Simon was shitfaced drunk before that sure as hell woke him up now.

“Bloody hell! Are fucking mad!? My family is completely safe in Manchester you bloke!”

Simon didn’t care if this Simon had the exact same memories as him they are not the same. He would never utter those words even while intoxicated.

“You said you lost your family too?”

“Yes I had to leave them sadly, but it was to keep them safe. What the fuck makes you think they’re dead?”

Simon shot out of his seat and was fully angry at the man he thought was him.

“You left your bloody family! You promised Y/n you loved her!”

Now it was Simon’s turn to stand up and shout.

“I do fucking love her! I loved her all the time when we were together. Even when we lost our second baby…” Simon had to stop to really focus in on what Simon was saying. “My job was putting too much stress on her. Ever since Johnny died”

Simon took a final swig of his whiskey before slamming it down. “You don’t even remember any of that do you? Sorry mate but you’re not me. Nobody has gone through what I’ve gone through”

“Johnny’s dead? But he was Y/n’s best friend”

“Yea and we promised to keep her safe remember? And you couldn’t even do that”

“I have the same name as you and everything. This is the Task Force 141 base innit? There’s no other reason why it would be that easy for me to find you”

“Well maybe you’re from a different universe or some shit I honestly lost interest in the ‘how’ at this point”

“Well I am you then. Just slightly different”

“No we’re still the same. Just two men with no families to go to”

“You just told me your family is in Manchester gov. They’re still here”

“I’m just no good for them”

“Are my words flying in one ear and out the other? I just fucking said we’re different. I failed at protecting my family and I can never take that back. But if it’s been 13 years and you’ve still been able to keep your wife and kids alive then I’d say that makes you a winner. The better Simon if you will”

Simon picked up another bottle and started heading to the door. “Hell if you don’t wanna face your family then I will. I fucking miss my wife and I just can wait to see her again. I was able to find you I can surely find them”

Simon dashed to the door filling the space between it and Simon.

“I get what you said okay? I just.. need to get myself together before seeing them. And I need to tell Price I’ll be back soon”

“Tell the bloke you need at least the weekend”

-

Simon pulled up to the house he bought for you and you son when y’all first got married. He’s been living in a shitty apartment ever since the divorce.

“Just remember she already lost her second child, her best friend, and you made her lose a husband so you really have to be gentle”

“Right.. you wanna come with? I’m sure we could just explain this all to her?”

Simon approached the house with younger Simon in tow and unsteadily knocked on the door already regretting his decision.

The door opened for him to see a handsome man with an underdeveloped mustache in front of him.

“Can I help you?”

Simon was ready to swing before he saw those beautiful eyes. Your eyes.

The grown man he was about to knock out was his boy. Little Tommy.

Simon could feel himself tearing up. Why did the Tommy in his universe have to look exactly like his own? How is he standing here healthy and happy instead of being buried in the dirt?

Simon could sense the uncertainty in the boy’s eyes. He didn’t recognize him. It’s been 13 years after all.

“Is your mother home?”

“Uh sure. MUM! Someone’s here to see you!” Tommy turned to Simon “Would you like to come in? We’ve got some tea on the stove”

You were always brewing tea around this time.

The Simons just nodded as they waited for the boy to let them in. As he entered the home he could hear the footsteps. The footsteps he memorized early upon first meeting you. Simon just kept his eyes on the steaming kettle to try and avoid making eye contact.

You came down and immediately recognized your guests. But it’s almost like you were seeing double. One looked like your husband when he left you all those years ago. And the other just looked terrible.

“Tommy could you go upstairs please?”

Tommy could sense the tension and made his way upstairs. When you see him enter his bedroom you turned to your ex husband.

“Love, it’s a lot to explain and I wouldn’t even know where to begin but- this is Simon Riley from another universe. A universe 13 years in the past. He says you and Tommy are dead over there”

You looked at the younger Simon’s face. You could tell he was from a different universe. He actually looked guilty for what he’s done.

“Do you wanna see him? He’s grown so much over the years”

Simon nodded. “I’ll just say I’m a cousin from out of town who used to hold him when he was a baby”

You and Simon watched him go upstairs and you turned to him when the door shut.

“Why are you here?”

“I’m sorry”

“Why are you here? You think I need you after all these years where I had to fend for myself and raise our child alone? I get the other Simon just wanted to see his family again but I truly don’t know why you’re here”

“He made me realize that you two are the safest when you’re with me. That I’m capable of keeping you safe. He made me realize that the only thing you needed was me. Especially in those times”

Simon tried not to choke on his words but he felt the emotions crashing over him.

“I blame myself for Johnny’s death it was my fault. We lost the baby because I couldn’t be strong for you. I lost my family because I wasn’t enough”

You dropped the stern face and walked over to him. He fell to his knees as you let him cry into your stomach.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry”

He would repeat those words over and over until they were just incoherent mumbles into your abdomen.

You ran your fingers through his short blonde hair and forced him to look up at you. “What happened to Johnny wasn’t your fault. The miscarriage could’ve happened to anyone. And you didn’t lose your family because you weren’t enough. You were just scared. You didn’t fail at anything Simon”

Those were the words Simon has been waiting to hear for 13 years. Who knew all he had to do was just come back and apologize?

“I still love you. So much”

“I love you too”

To that Simon smiled.

“I’d do anything to be part of this family again”

“Anything?”

-

“Fuck Si baby!”

Simon continued his attack on your soaked cunt, rolling his tongue around your aching clit, having you grind on his face.

Simon missed his son but he really missed how fucking crazy you’d go whenever he had you on your back with his head stationed between your thighs.

“I missed this so fucking much lovie”

“Alright move over. I’ve spent 13 dumb fuck years without my girl on my face and it’s time for me to get that time back”

Simon backed off and allowed the older Simon to take his place.

“I’m not as young as him and it’s been years since I’ve done this so be patient love” Simon chuckled. “You know what to do anyway. Just run your hands through my hair and guide me where you want me”

It’s almost like muscle memory kicked in for him as soon as he smelled your scent he just knew what to do.

“Oh Simon you fucking liar- fuck! You know exactly what you’re doing”

Simon tongued your needy hole so deep you had to close your thighs around his face and trap him there. You knew that was his favorite thing in the world though because it meant you were about to bless him with your orgasm.

He moved from your hole and back to your clit and began sucking on it. Hearing you whine from having your hole being empty. He stuffed two thick fingers and digged them deep until he found that spongy spot in your pussy and began massaging it.

You could feel the pressure building up as you kept grinding on Simon’s mouth and fingers until.

“Well what’s this then? I’ve never been able to make the missus squirt”

“I better call Price and tell him I need more than the weekend”

[sguidwards-bestfriend]

New Dimension, Who's This?

honestly writing this cuz I saw @gin2212 's comment and made me teary, so were gunna finish this bad boy! not today but you know... it will happen

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, part 5, part 6

Explicit mentions of death (but of characters that are currently living) Kind of OG version of their deaths

Danny had only walked through the Wayne’s home adjacent gardens once, in a direct route to the barn. Batcow was a highlight of that little excersion.

Now, however, they were actually looking at the shrubbery shaped like boring spheres and rectangles.

He felt Jason become distant and floated back a bit, he’d turned left into a very small opening.

Inside were three unmovable cement benches that curved slightly into one circle. The well cut bushes were wilder in here, making it cramped and impossible to see over the hedge.

“This spot used to be my favorite, when the weather was nice. I’d come out here with a book and whatever drink Alfred had decided to make that day.” Jason looked down at a square of cement in the middle, probably where a table had been. The indents on the side of the seats, likely from the mold it was made from, had moss growing in it.

“This seems like the perfect hideout.” Danny smiled and sat on the bench opposite Jason.

Jason hummed in agreement, he coughed awkwardly even for Danny’s standards and spoke up again. “So, you’re the god of death?” Jason was probably really good at looking casual and intimidating to most people, but Danny could sense the tension emanating from his core as he sat near a branch mere inches from his face with his hands in his pockets, probably wishing he could lean against something to look nonchalant.

“Nope, I’m the king of the dead. They aren’t the same thing.”

“So, you’re not Hades?”

“I hope not, I’ve met him and he’s kind of a dick.”

Jason laughed softly, he liked how it sounded “Okay, cool, so the Greek gods exist.”

“All of the gods do, technically.” He waited for Jason to look at him. “I know it’s hard to wrap your head around, but the infinite realms isn’t really a dimension on its own. It’s the space between all dimensions. When you die you have to pass through it to get to your destination. Some people don’t have a place and they end up part of my realm, some get lost, some sell their soul, others forget their lives entirely and are part of my people from the second they pass over. Then there are the never-borns: souls that form from pure will of the infinite realms. All that is part of my domain.” Danny floated up a bit to try and catch a glimpse of the stars, the smog from Gotham blocking everything. He looked back at Jason and his stomach did a little flip that he decidedly did nothing about. “But just so were clear; hell, the underworld, and all those other things are in the infinite zone. They aren’t all the same thing.”

“Okay. So, you rule over those too?”

“Again no, once a soul gets into the correct dimension, I don’t really have anything to do with it.”

“Wait so if someone who believes in an afterlife sells their soul what happens?”

Danny slouched in the air and grunts, “That’s where all the fucking paperwork comes in. I really want you to imagine the most bureaucratic way to possibly move to a new country, but you have none of your documents. Being stuck in this dimension was a fun break at first, but now all I can think of are the stacks of A-13 forms that are probably covering the castle floors.”

Jason shifted and with it came a wave of uncertainty. “If someone was killed and brought back, what then?”

Danny has seen how ghosts in the zone get when they talk about their deaths. For many it’s all they remember of their life. If a ghost with years to think it through reacts explosively he’s not sure how it will go with a newbie. “Well, a few things. The soul could come back to a place without a body in which case you have a true haunting. If the death was quick, it could have flash formed a core, that’s like a soul that has died fully, and then shoved back into the living body. That’s how you get halfas like me.”

Jason still looked cool and collected on the outside but there was unbelievable turmoil seeping out of him. “What if the body was dead for a while? What if a soul or core was shoved back into a body on purpose?”

“I’ve only seen one revival before, but there was a lot of time warping there. The necromancers I’ve met who were trying to bring someone back didn’t have access to ectoplasm which had results that are very different to… having it.” Danny breathed out to calm himself, letting that calm wave wash over Jason as well. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s alright.” Jason shuffled his leather jacket, “You call it ectoplasm.”

“Yeah.” Danny answered with a lilt in his voice.

“The green goop filled pools you said you emptied, you mentioned they were corrupted.”

“I did yeah.”

“What would happen if someone was exposed to that?”

“Honestly, it’s not the first time I’ve come across it but never that much. For ghosts it can leave them sick and weak for days. Not like polluted water, more like if you switched out the water a healthy person drank for soda exclusively. It won’t kill them, but it will have a negative effect.” Danny thought for a second and remembered the one-time Sam got covered in a mix of good and contaminated ecto during a fight with Undergrowth. “I saw how a diluted version of it affected a living person, her mind was warped and she had the same sort of tunnel vision a ghost has if they have a particularly strong obsession.”

Jason took a breath, he’d been going strong so far. Danny may come to regret this, but he put a hand on his shoulder and floated where they’d be face to face, letting his bottom half fade away into the ghostly tail. “I won’t do it if you don’t want me to, but I can subdue your emotions a bit if you want to talk about it.” Jason looked up quickly and Danny scrambled to correct himself. “I haven’t been doing that! Well, like not in a controlling way, more like the ghost version of calming down a friend who’s freaking out. If you pushed past it I wouldn’t hold you back.”

“You should.” Danny couldn’t help the questioning noise that came out of him, “The first year I came back, I don’t remember it well, but I tried to kill Tim… and possibly Damian. If I do go too far hold me back.”

Danny nodded, “Back in the hall, when Tim was taking an unorthodox amount of coffee cups out of his room,” Jason snorted a bit and smiled, “you didn’t fight me stopping your emotions from bubbling over. I think, with even a little help, you do in fact make the right decisions.”

Jason’s hand came up to hold on to Danny’s forearm, “I went out to stop the top villain at the time, the Joker. I really did think I could beat him so I turned off my coms. He… He beat me to an inch of my life and left me to die in the explosion he’d rigged up.” Jason’s body was hot to the touch and he was obviously timing his breaths. “I can still feel the damn crowbar he used whenever I fall asleep. Batman had never been late before; he’d never let something like that go past him. My plan B was him, and he didn’t make it.”

Danny hummed. A benefit of their shared ghostliness in needing not to use his words, he pushed through waves of camaraderie and understanding.

“I had dug myself out of my own grave. I don’t remember much other than pain for months. Then Talia, Damian’s genetic mother, threw me into a Lazarus pit. The first thing I remember seeing was looking up at her terrified face, tinted in green.”

There was anger as he spoke her name, Danny controlled the waves of corrupted ecto that were threating to turn those emotions against Jason’s true wishes.

“I was fifteen, how does someone let a child do that. I was a kid!” Jason’s emotions were switching around and Danny could hear the forming core start too fuss. “I was just a kid.”

Danny came closer and wrapped all four of his arms around Jason, squeezing him just enough to feel a weight on him, but not so much it was restrictive.

Jason still seemed tense so, Danny did the only thing he could think of, he talked of his own death.

“My parents built the first ever physical portal to the realms. I was messing around with friends and they dared me to walk into the useless frame. My parents always had a tendency of forgetting lab safety and making just one mistake in every build. I’m not sure how they managed to put the on button inside it, but I tripped, hitting it on my way down. I could feel every bolt of electricity ripping me apart as the link between worlds opened directly on top of me. I died separate to my body and ended up like this.” Danny moved back and looked down at himself without letting go of Jason. “I tried to tell my parents at first, but they were always busy.

They spent the day I finally gave up trying to trap my sister; thinking she was the ghost their devices we’re picking up.”

Jason rested his forehead on Danny’s, sighing against the cold touch. “How old we-“

“Fourteen.”

“We were kids.”

“Yeah,” Danny kept his forehead against Jason’s. Two arms he left at Jason’s shoulders, the other two caressing his arms.

With a wave of confidence and fear Jason grabbed Danny by the waist and pulled him in for a real hug.

They held each other there, hidden amongst the foliage, until it started to drizzle.

“We should-“

Danny cut him off, pulling back to show the tears running down his face. “Can we go to your room?”

“Yeah, come on.”

They didn’t touch on the walk through the garden, or at the entrance, or in the hall. No, it wasn’t until the door was closed behind them that Danny came forward and just barely touched his arm.

Jason grabs him and pulls him in again, this time resting his chin on the top of Danny’s head. The attempt to calm Danny down just as he had for Jason made him start to cry again, this time much happier.

The surge pushed his kingly nature to shift into something more human. His arms went back to only two, his skin became that of a pale human’s (for the most part), his ears shrank down and his pointy teeth rounded out. And, surprisingly, his form gave him pajamas.

The ecto the change required didn’t accept the contaminated ecto that Jason had sent and Danny sagged into Jason, his knees buckling.

“Hey, hey.” Jason hushed, “I’ve got you.”

He sat Danny on the bed and went to get pajamas for himself. Once changed he laid down beside Danny and curled around him.

Danny was laying on his back, his legs bent over Jason’s thighs, who was laying on his side up against Danny. Creating a cocoon to hold Danny in.

They fell asleep quickly, Danny held Jason's hand on his chest throughout the rest of the night.

Neither of them had nightmares.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

@bjurnberg, @skulld3mort-1fan, @akikkobara @undead-bi-dinosaur, @amyheart19, @phoenixdemonqueen, @not-your-average-url, @seraphinedemort, @theywontletmeusetheoneiwant,  @satisfactionbroughtmeback, @kyrianclawraith, @i-always-say-yea, @gin2212

[insuke69]

Scars that make you who you are.

☆ Hobie x FTM trans reader

Transphobia will be blocked <33

★Warnings: Angst, kissing, cursing, body dysmorphia, misgendering mentioned

☆ Rating: 13+

★Symposis: You’re feeling self conscious about your surgery scars, but luckily you have Hobie to help you through it.

☆ 827 Words, Drabble nibble.

You transitioned a while back, hell, most people in your life didn’t really know that you’re trans besides friends who knew you pre-transition and your family, and of course your partner, Hobie, knows too.

You’ve managed to save enough money to be able to afford your top surgery and finally stop wearing binders all the time! You’re comfortable in your own skin for the first time in a while, you finally no longer feel like the boy who had to wear dresses because he was stuck in a feminine body. You were living your life no longer being deadnamed and no longer being referred to with ‘she/her’.

You had your top surgery and had the beautifully flat chest you deserved, yet two crescent lines where the stitches stayed. You remember researching and looking through so many websites stating that it usually takes over six months for the insisions to heal, but thankfully the doctor elaborated, saying that the scars will stay for at least a year, so you knew you had to deal with it.

Besides that, you felt.. Not good. You knew you were lucky to finally have what so many other people wish to afford at all, you finally got rid of those pesky breasts that wouldn’t leave you alone since you were ten. But here you were: shirtless in the mirror with your hands ghosting over your chest.

It’s been a few months, around six months, you’re all healed and aren’t that sore anymore, but your stitches still hurt like if the needle and thread were just stabbed into your sensitive flesh. It already is taking so long for you to heal at all, how the scars have to heal before you can even think about being shirtless comfortably at all? And what about Hobie? What if he isn’t willing to wait with you? Or if-

“Oi, Love, Have you seen my-” Hobie just opened the bathroom door, since you two live together and his gaze was averted towards the sink for what he was looking for, but he paused and looked at your expression before murmuring “ring..”

You look over at him and hesitantly cross your arms over your chest. You haven’t really been topless in front of Hobie since before the surgery, either because you had bandages around you most of the time, or because you didn’t feel confident enough in front of him no matter what the scenario was..

“You alrigh’?” He asked as he walked over to you and settled his hands on your shoulders from behind, his gaze locked with yours in the mirror in front of you two.

His warm hands sooth your skin on your shoulders, relaxing the tense muscles that laid below your flesh. “Nothing, Nothing, just.. I don’t know, my scars feel shitty.”

Hobie’s gaze softened and wrapped his arms around your torso with his hands easing over yours, “Yeah? Why? Does i’ hur’?”

“No, I don’t like them right now, the stitches are healed at least, but they look so shitty.”

As you spoke, Hobie began ghosting gentle kisses on your shoulders and back of your neck, his hands easing yours to relax and to loosen your hold so he could see the remnants of your surgery.

“No way, You’ve go’a be fuckin’ wit’ me.” He murmured almost jokingly as his hands went to your waist and rested on your abdomen from behind, “You’re so handsome, so perfect- tits or nah, scars and all.” You felt his warm breath and lip piercing flush against the side of your neck below your ear. 

His lips closed over your skin and began kissing and sucking your sweet and soft flesh, littering purple bruises on their wake.

You chuckle and tilt your head to the side to give him more access to you, “Sure. Yeah, You’re willing to wait over a year for them to even start to fade?” You asked sarcastically which made Hobie stop kissing your neck and frown at you through the mirror.

His hold hardened and he spun you so you were now facing him and placing a hand on your lower jaw in order to make you look up at him, “I’m willing to wait decades for you just to be able t’see your smile, You won’ be rid of me until I see you adore that boy in the mirror.” 

You smiled at his words, feeling like a warmth in them is sending pure love into your heart, probably because of the pure adoration in his eyes, or the blatant truth he’s saying. Fully confident in himself and reassurance.

He smiles at you before leaning down and kissing your lips, holding you by the hips as he pulled you up onto the bathroom counter. You reciprocate with your same passion while wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Now c’mon, let me adore my man.” Hobie cooed as he eased his hands over your thighs and glide to your knees to spread them.

_____________________

Stopping it right before the smut like a true writer <3

[charmingsoa]

✶ Where the Wild Things Are: Prequel ✶ ■ 1960s Sons of Anarchy story ■

⌃ Jax Teller/ OC x Thomas Teller/OC ⌃

Warning: Please read with caution. This story will include: drug use, physical, verbal, and sexual abuse. miscarriages, sexual content, alcohol use, homicide, cursing, etc. ★ If You would like to be tagged in future updates, simply leave your username in the comments.

When I look back on my life – I often wonder if I made the right choices when I was younger. I obviously got to my place in life because of what happened all those years ago in California. Hell, there were times when I didn’t even think I would make it out alive. Growing up, my parents were very strict – almost authoritarian. My father had fought for his country in WWII and my mother was your typical housewife. The picture-perfect look was what they strived for – putting my brothers and I in whatever activities they could. There were structured rules that were drilled into our heads from day one.

No elbows on the table Respect your parents and your elders Girls and woman are to bow down to menfolk and do what they’re told. Women are forbidden to wear pants or short skirts. Girls can attend secondary school but will not be allowed to attend college. Marriage, motherhood, and the act of obeying your husband is the most important role in a woman’s life.

I distinctly remember my father telling me that if I wanted to dress like a whore, I can plant myself on the side of the highway and start making a living for myself. I spent most of my childhood bowing down to everything my father said. He instilled that fear in me as a young girl – always being on the back end of his belt or switch if I was “bad” enough. I was the only daughter – I needed to be picture perfect and like a doll. My mother would stand idly by as he inflicted his abuse on me – only doing so because he loved and cared about me.

Total bullshit if you ask me.

I guess you can say with all the structure and ruling that fell at the hand of my father – you wouldn’t be surprised to hear that I rebelled. Starting at the early age of 13, I snuck out of the house to meet the boys from the wrong sides of the tracks. We would listen to the devil’s music as my father called it – getting high as kites.  My flower-patterned dress would be hiked up above my waist – my legs wrapped tightly around the guy’s hips – as they pounded into me. My mother always preached that a girl should stay pure until the night of their wedding -giving the gift of virginity to their awaiting husband.

 I lost that gift behind the First Methodist Church to a kid three grades ahead of me. It was meaningless and hurt like hell, but after that I couldn’t get enough.

By the time I hit 16, I had fucked half the senior class. I gained a reputation as the 10th grade slut – willing to do anything and anyone. Now, was this true – partially. I didn’t care if you were the ugliest guy in class – if you had a dick then I was ready and willing. I was never one to seek the guys out first. They would come to me and a couple minutes later they would be making me cum. There were rumors that I was a child prostitute – my parents were less than thrilled to hear that be brought up during a meeting with the principal.

At that point, I was pulled out of the school and sent to an all-girls catholic school about 45 minutes from home. My father made sure to drive me every day and would stay on the premises until school was over. Even if I wanted to ditch class and run away, Roy Landry was watching like a fucking hawk. I managed to mellow out a little once I graduated high school – I guess being locked up like Rapunzel will do that to people. I wasn’t allowed to go to prom – parties thrown by the other girls - I was isolated in my room. While my brothers were living their lives, I was stuck watching Walter Cronkite on the CBS Evening News with Brenda and Roy ever night.

I’m sure you’re trying to figure out where I’m going with all this information – I swear it’s important given the truth you’re about to hear.

A girl who hitchhiked all the way to California- fell in love with two brothers who despised each other – watching as they both fell into the pits of hell by creating the most dangerous motorcycle gang in Northern Cali – my story has to start somewhere, right?

[eedenuwu]

oc-tober | my first few days

hello tumbo ler. i am kinda doing oc-tober this year, kinda not. i know my schedule (busy, hectic, hell) but i also know i like to procrastinate (these 3 pieces have consumed time that would've been better used for homework).

so, i'm gonna jump into it... the other 2 drawings and more info will be below the cut

day 1 | favorite oc

ok so i started off strong here... by that i mean i started with day 1!!! (on october 5). this is my favorite ever. i have never really info dumped about this one on the internet before... was gonna use this as a time to start but then deleted what i just wrote LOLL all u gotta know is that bro is stunning witterawy just look. also this oc is from the 1920s/30s/40s... most of the story i've got in my head takes place in the 30s tho 😻

day 5 | redesigned oc

see this is what i mean. i skipped from day 1 to day 5.. but this is an oc i made when i was like 12 (WAY TOO CLOSE TO 10 YEARS AGO) and he was an angsty little bugger... it used to be the case that he was a witch living on his own in a village that, like, hates him or whatever. (because he's a witch.) the townsfolk like rip his tongue out or whatever and then he couldn't speak anymore but still ran like some sort of fruit stand at some sort of market. then like the love of his life moved in and he lived happily ever after. (not true, the love of his life was a BOY so i think they both got killed.)

and wow!!! that's a lot for a 12/13 year old. i came across an OLDDD google doc that had a little bit about this guy in it. the story, as anything written by a 12/13yo, made like. extremely little sense.

so i redesigned bro in about 2022ish. gave him a name, and he's still a witch. he's still missing a tongue. the differences now include that he's AFAB, has a little friend in his head only (pictured. he is cursed) and has a twin brother now. his twin brother works as a knight and like... captured him for an insane bounty. i also gave him a little bit of plot armor... he's some sort of telepath now so he's able to get by without a tongue. instead of straight up fantasy ville, i've been doing a little research into the middle ages to figure out a more, like, realistic setting... as realistic as including supernatural things can be but believe me the story is making a lot more sense now than it did in 2015.

day 3 | old oc

so i drew this today. yes these are in order of when i drew them...

anyway in terms of when i made this one, he's not THAT old. he's a product of my highschool mind and appeared on MANY assignments as doodles.. so he was like, essentially, born in about 2016/17, but i consider him old because i haven't so much as thought about him since like 2020, MAYBEEE early 2021.

this is also making me realize i have a thing for FREAKS. every one of these ocs has something about them that makes them "less than human;" this guy's deal is that he's like.. half fish..

it sounded really cool in 2017 you have to understand this was the vibe of the time

anyway he essentially got scrapped for no better reason than i was just getting bored. like, the story i was developing for bro ALSO took place in the 1920s (dude let me tell u. prohibition era america is actually my roman empire. genuinely in every sense of the real meaning of that trend) but it was diverging too far from reality and sort of becoming an atla knockoff toward the end of my thoughts for it... so then bro at the top was born (girl on day 1) in august 2021 and the rest for this guy was history. such is the damning reality of the creative.

anyway, that's all. i have no idea if i'll keep this up, but some of the prompts have genuinely given me ideas to cure my art block (I HAVE NOT DRAWN SINCE JULYYYYY) so i'm hoping to have time for more 🥲

[dinadumas]

I love the problematic of tomarry in time travel fics and now I'm going to explain why hehe

Let's take a look at Tom and Harry separately.

We have Harry who is 16~17 years old. Say what you will, but he's a sarcastic asshole. This is perfectly demonstrated by mama Ro in the books (like the moments when Harry interacts with the Dursleys and many others).

The first 11 years of living with muggles affected him in a bad way. Dumbledore is a good man, but I judge him for Harry's childhood. He grew up an intimidated and lonely child so his friends were the most precious people in his life to him. He treasures good people.

Fucking prophecy. Jesus. Harry had been trained since he was 11 years old to beat some crazy dude who talked to snakes. For an 11-year-old boy just entering the wizarding world, it was like a professional boxer's punch. For him, the wizarding world was a hope for a better life. Surprise Harry, I'm sorry. The beautiful fairy tale turned out to be a lie.

He developed a hero complex during his Hogwarts years. He was willing to die to destroy the horcrux inside him and give others hope for the death of the dark lord.

Well, and let's not forget the wonderful sophomore year when Harry was bullied for parseltongue. Surely that wasn't pleasant and left its own residue okay?

He's impulsive. Harry's a man of action. He does some shit first and then thinks about the consequences afterwards ahahahaha

And let's talk honestly, you ready for this. He absolutely has ptsd. I wouldn't be surprised if he sleeps with a wand in his hand, seriously. Harry has been tried to kill at least 4 or 5 times, his friends and many others have been killed and tortured. Because of his status as the chosen one, he blamed all the troubles on himself. Cerrick's death was also a blow. This episode is absolute hell.

Harry is a strong wizard. Like baby... a patronus at 13? That's crazy. I love that kid. All in all, Harry Potter is a tired ball of nerves with a dash of sarcasm peppered with powerful magic.

And, uh, we have Tom.

Tom at 16~17?

God help me.

He's a monster. In both good and bad ways. This punk literally being an orphan without any support has taken control of an entire slytherin house filled with pompous snobs and blood purity advocates. Himself. Tom... how? My props.

Can you feel the magnitude of his genius and charisma? His only weapons were his mouth, his brains and his looks. Oh, and magic. He was lucky in one way. Merope fell in love with a Muggle. Let's thank her.

Thank you.

Let's continue. The orphanage. Apart from the meager food and lack of heating, the orphanage isn't too bad because Tom could fight back against those kids, but 24/7, 11 years of living in hate does its job. Tom is cynical. He doesn't trust people at all. To him, they're either an obstacle or a means to an end. Manipulator? Yeah huh, that's Tom Riddle.

Let's not make him a demon. Let's look back to June, 1943. We know Tom didn't plan to kill Myrtle. It was an accident. That means that at the time he probably wouldn't have decided to kill her himself, but fate made its move and it happened. You could say it was the beginning of his downfall. Tom didn't care about other people's lives, but after June, all moral boundaries that held him back were erased.

We all know why he was chasing immortality. The war. He saw it with his own eyes. All those ruined streets and dead bodies. He heard it all with his own ears. The sounds of explosions and evacuation signals.

He was terrified of his own weakness before death and the prospect of being just another nameless body. And he had ambitions for the whole of magical Britain. Yeaah.

All in all, the tag magnificent creep describes Tom Riddle very accurately.

Now let's look at these two little punks together.

Boom! You feel that? Explosive mix.

They're a lot alike, so competing with each other is something special for them. It makes the blood in their veins flow faster. And given their history for Harry and the horcrux connection for Tom, it's a hell of a relationship.

But. Their morals. Even if they're similar in some ways, they're still too different. It's cursed. Seriously. Harry and Tom took their lives every day. But they did it in different ways, and that makes all the difference. Tom initially fought for a better life for himself, later it turned into an obsession to turn the whole ministry upside down. Harry also wanted a better life, but he also wanted the happiness of the people around him. He wanted to be surrounded by that happiness. Because...well, why would happy people want to harm him? Exactly.

Harry sees his happiness in others, he wants to share it with someone else while Tom uses other people's weaknesses to find the best place under the sun for himself.

That's what I see as the problem tomarry. It's the way they accomplish their goals. They want the same thing, but they do it in completely different ways and it leads to different results.

It's crazy. It's killing me.

Unfortunately every day of their lives would be a little war. Sure, it adds passion to their relationship but it also hurts them. Harry would never accept Tom's indifference to other people's lives, and Tom would never feel safe around Harry or be able to trust him completely.

I think we all realize that the foundation of a strong relationship is trust in your partner. In a moment of special intimacy when they both know each other very well they will absolutely not trust each other completely. After all, they know what their lover is capable of.

Tom: You annoy the hell out of me

Harry: ...

Tom: but I'm obsessed with you, go on.

[keirawantstocry]

May i request my brain goes blank for pacbo 👀

im ngl this one kinda got away from me a bit, i had a bit of this written ages ago and then i saw this request and go inspo to finish this with your request!

-

Pac loved men. It was something that had always been true of him. He just loved them so much. Honestly who wouldn't? There was so much to admire. Tall, dark, and handsome? Absolutely, sign him up please. Scowling and brooding? Another absolutely. Giggly and full of big smiles? A big hell yes as well. He had known since he was a teenager that he didn’t quite seem to view relationships the way other people did. That was made clear ages ago when one girl had asked him who he wanted to marry most. Looking back it was clear she was trying to flirt with him but he was 13 at the time and had no idea so he was honest. Squinted at her first before really truly considering it. 

“Mike,” he had said with all the confidence a 13 year old boy could possess. Mike, who was standing right beside him at the time, nodded much to the girl’s chagrin. 

She laughed a bit. “Não, nao. Isso não é…” she trailed off. “He’s your best friend. You don’t have romantic feelings for him.” 

Pac remembers blinking slowly at her. “What does romance have to do with it?” 

“That’s why people get married. For romance.” 

That didn’t make any sense to him and honestly to this day he believed the same. “Well I will get married for friendship then.” 

Even now he wasn’t quite sure what to call himself. Labels never seemed that important to him. He would love who he would love, be that in a kissing way or not. But he soon realized that he would kiss a whole hell of a lot of people. 

The island certainly wasn’t the start of that discovery but oh did it help because there were so. Many. Hot. Guys. Almost every day was just him internally panicking while Mike laughed at him over their internal mind link. 

He honestly thought it might calm down after he got with Fit. He loved that man so much and honestly wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. But oh men were still so attractive. 

The worst now for him was Tubbo. Those eyes were entrancing. Swirls of colors lived inside his eyes. Soft hair fell over his eyes in a tangled mess every day. Pac just wanted to run his hands through it until it was soft and untangled. Until Tubbo was looking at him softly with those wide blue-green eyes. Until his gaze was drifting down and Pac could catch those soft pink lips with his own. 

He smacked himself in the head when he realized he had been staring at the man in front of him for an uncomfortably long time. “I'm sorry what?” 

Those gorgeous eyes glittered back at him. “I said where's your head man, you keep zoning out.” 

“My brain goes blank when I look at you.” 

Tubbo stared at him, those deep eyes going wide. “I'm sorry?” 

“I…” Pac felt his face start to flush. “Well. You're botino. Pretty boy.” 

The tips of his ears went pink. “Oh. Thank you, Pac.” 

Pac averted his eyes and tried not to laugh. “Yeah, yeah no problem.” 

“I didn't uh realize you thought that.” 

Pac couldn't help but gape at him. “But you're so handsome.” 

“Nahhh,” Tubbo scoffed. “I. You don't have to say shit like that to me.” 

Pac couldn't help but grab Tubbo's face in his hands. His skin was so warm agaisnt his palms. “I am not just saying it.” 

He allowed himself to really study the man in front of him again. Get lost in those ocean eyes and the adorable flush on his cheeks. The feeling of his soft skin under his rough fingertips. “How can I convince you?” he asked. 

Tubbo shrugged but Pac watched as those eyes fell to his lips and his mouth nearly split open with the grin that followed. He surged forward to kiss the boy on the lips. The lips against his were chapped but tasted oh so nice. Every movement burned as Tubbo sighed against his mouth and fell into him. His mouth was opening and it was so warm. Damn near perfect. Life could not get any better than this.

[radioactive-earthshine]

Random but, any hcs about Kon and his life in Smallville with the Kents?

I'm just going to make a list and babble :) Here's some HCs including bits with Bart bc they did live only 4 hours away.

1.) Not closeting, not in the way people use the term anyway - it was a necessary time that Kon so desperately needed. He needed a place to be someone OTHER than Superboy because he could no longer function without that off-switch.

2.) Kon always had shown interest in his comics of living a life without the Superboy question and being "normal" but it was very rocky for him so I feel like his early transition with the Kents were likely no different. Ma and Pa likely had to endure his dramatics, mood swings and outbursts of anger as he adjusted to being Conner Kent and living in a space that had consistent RULES. This is not to say he was just suddenly dropped off with strangers, because he wasn't, he knew Ma and Pa beforehand having spent a little time on the farm.

3.) If you guys thought Bart was bad at first, Kon was probably worse as Kon had years of baggage to unpack.

4.) We didn't get to see anything substantial of those early days with him with Ma and Pa but we saw small glimpses of him just not appreciating Smallville and thought it was "boring" and outright claimed to have hated it. It's a big adjustment.

5.) Suddenly coming to the realization that he was SAFE where he was and could just BE without suddenly having a fist in his face was one hell of a day...

6.) Yes we all should mock the cishet jeans and t-shirt look but he really was trying to figure out who he was without Superboy as a factor. I don't think Kon ever really does solidly figure it out as Superboy will always BE a part of him and part of his core identity and it's a balance he needed to try to find out - even if it meant going to one extreme side of the spectrum.

7.) To tie into #6 Kon found out he really does have an All or Nothing personality when living with the Kents.

8.) He's allergic to goat products - boy of steel he may be but even he is not immune to goat intolerance. There is no evidence of this, this is a true HC. He found out because Ma had goat milk and he decided to try it with... bad results.

9.) I am obsessed with Kon in his 2011 solo taking the time to WALK to school instead of flying or running or taking the bus - Smallville really brought him down to Earth even though he already was a child of Earth. It grounded him and put a lot of thinks for him into perspective.

10.) Going back to those early days - he reached out to Bart a lot to vent and ask for advice of how Bart coped with Max. They BOTH went from never having to worry about hiding their secret ID and doing WHATEVER they wanted to suddenly having to worry about preserving their identity and operating in an environment with rules that were the antithesis of what they were used to.

11.) Kon's entire first few months with the Kents were literal immersive therapy and I am furious we did not get to see this - this would have made an incredible comic.

12.) Adhering to comic canon I feel like it was during this deconstruction of who he is he realized he was queer. To the surprise of no one.

13.) His first gift to Ma and Pa was a quilt he made himself - you can take artistic-Kon from my cold dead hands. He made it at school in secret.

14.) Clark was a cryptid in Smallville when he was a teenager and Kon really was no different as his deeds throughout town resurface those old rural myths that began 30-ish years prior.

15.) I ignore any and all parallels that Simon was set up to be Kon's Lex Luthor and instead he becomes his BEST civilian friend. We do however find out that Simon's parents were scientists that helped make Kon - Kon has mixed feeling about this at first but he knows he can't blame Simon.

16.) Even Kon cannot help going back to old shenanigans with Bart and they make crop-circles - well they DID before Clark told them to stop - the killjoy.

17.) Cows make him nervous - look - he knew they existed but he wasn't aware of how BIG they were and he knows he is strong enough to pulverize them into instant bouillon but that still did not prepare him for the fact that they are megafauna that you have no control over.

18.) Kon will always take out a tornado - no he doesn't care if it's a small one - he's not going to sit back and watch someone's house be subjected to damage the tenants may or may not be able to afford. If there are TWO tornadoes at the same time he gets into a contest with Bart over who can neutralize them first.

19.) Going back to his acclimation - there was a lot Kon had to sort of unlearn when he started living with the Kents. Stuff he learned from being with Rex Leech, and during his time at Cadmus under Jim. He finally learned what it was like to be a normal person instead of a parody of what a normal person was.

20.) During October, Kon got really.... really.... into making the BEST corn maze. No, seriously, stupidly competitive. Like, not only did he want it to be complicated but he also for an added flavor made Bart chase people around with a de-bladed chainsaw. People think Kon hired like 7 dudes to do this but it's literally just Bart. He also made sure to decorate it with fake blood, webbing, and busted out fog machines just for an added flavor of spookiness.

[uselesslilium]

[listen on Youtube] [listen on Spotify]

A mix I started like, over two years ago, and only just now have finally completed. :') I may finally know peace.

Track list and lyric samples under the cut:

1. Like the Dawn - The Oh Hellos I was sleeping in the garden When I saw you first He'd put me deep Deep under so that he could work And like the dawn You broke the dark and my whole earth shook

2. Garden Boy - Boy Blue And you've got a face like an ocean So blue, like a fountain pure The last time there were this many flowers in one place It was Eden

3. Big Black Car - Gregory Alan Isakov You were a phonograph, I was a kid I sat with an ear close, just listening I was there when the rain tapped her way down you face You were a miracle, I was just holding your space

4. Parachute - Ingrid Michaelson Won't tell anybody that you turn the world around I won't tell anyone that your voice is my favorite sound I won't tell anybody, won't tell anybody They wanna see us fall, they wanna see us fall down I don't need a parachute, baby, if I've got you Baby, if I've got you, I don't need a parachute You're gonna catch me, you're gonna catch if I fall

5. Rewrite the Stars - Greatest Showman It's up to you And it's up to me No one can say what we get to be So why don't we rewrite the stars? Changing the world to be ours

6. What I’m Trying to Say - Stars I am trying to say What I want to say Without having to say, "I love you"

7. Friends With You - the scary joke Here's to you and me And the crumbling infrastructure no one else can see The end result of my own reckless impulsivity Could you spare a sec to talk to me?

8. Are You Hurting the One You Love - Florence and the Machine Are you hurting the one you love? Bite your tongue until it tastes like blood Are you hurting the one you love? So many glasses on the tabletop Are you hurting the one you love? You'd like to stay in heaven but the rules are too tough

9. The Knife - Lauren Aquilina Thank you for the knife The knife in my back Almost took my life Now it's in my hand And I'll use it like you used me Cut you off and feel no cruelty 'bout that

10. Hurts Like Hell - Fleurie I don't want them to know the secrets I don't want them to know the way I loved you I don't think they'd understand it, no I don't think they would accept me, no I loved and I loved and I lost you And it hurts like hell

11. Francis Forever - Mitski On sunny days I go out walking I end up on a tree-lined street I look up at the gaps of sunlight I miss you more than anything I don't need the world to see That I've been the best I can be, but I don't think I could stand to be Where you don't see me

12. All the Trees of the Field Will Clap Their Hands - Sufjan Stevens And I am throwing all my thoughts away And I'm destroying every bet I've made And I am joining all my thoughts to you And I'm preparing every part for you

13. This is Love - Air Traffic Control It's pathetic, I know A jealous fool who won't let go If I was sorry for my actions Would I ever stoop so low? Got no reason to live And I've got nothing left to give you But my love, love, fuck it, this is love

14. Oleander - Mother Mother You stood beside Me when I Was out of my mind I broke the glass And you were there To sweep it aside And if you leave me Rest assured, it would kill me

15. Hardest of Hearts - Florence and the Machine There is love in your body but you can't hold it in It pours from your eyes and spills from your skin Tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks And the kindest of kisses break the hardest of hearts There is love in your body but you can't get it out It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth Sticks to your tongue and shows on your face That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste

16. Oceanographer’s Choice - The Mountain Goats Thought I'd finally beat the feeling back It all came back today And then we fell down And we locked arms We knocked the dresser over as we rolled across the floor I don't mean it when I tell you That I don't love you anymore

17. Everything I Love is Broken - The Airborne Toxic Event Isn't it strange how the seasons just pass? While you're lost in the farce of the past And you always said you were so tough Then you fell and I watched you give up But you were lonely too You were lonely too

18. I, Carrion (Icarian) - Hozier Once I had wondered What was holding up the ground I can see that all along, love It was you all the way down

19. I See You - Phoebe Bridgers I've been playing dead My whole life And I get this feeling Whenever I feel good It'll be the last time But I feel something When I see you now I feel something When I see you

20. Sick of Losing Soulmates - dodie What the hell would I be without you? Brave face, talk so lightly, hide the truth  'Cause I'm sick of losing soulmates So where do we begin? I can finally see you're as fucked up as me So how do we win?

21. Francesca - Hozier I would not change it each time Heaven is not fit to house a love Like you and I

22. Everything Stays - Olivia Olsen Let's go in the garden You'll find something waiting Right there where you left it lying upside down When you finally find it, you'll see how it's faded The underside is lighter when you turn it around Everything stays right where you left it

[differenteagletragedy]

Hello!!! I loved your OLBA headcanons! If you’re still taking requests, would you be willing to write a fic where the MC proposes to Derek? The thought that MC asks Derek to marry them at the beach park where they first made their deal lives in my mind rent free- Thank you!

Yay, thank you! I looove a park proposal, and I love the Derek love too! Here you go :)

When you were 13 years old, a boy you liked walked with you to the park by your house and proposed a deal: if you were both still single in 10 years, then you'd get married.

It had been ten years, a little more than that, and it still blew your mind that that little kid you'd liked so much had known exactly what he was talking about.

Derek had told you then that he thought you'd work well together, if you were to get married, and he was right -- you weren't married, not yet anyway, but you had been dating for a while and it you just clicked. Life was easy with him. Easy and fun and warm and exciting and so, so many good things.

"Whatcha thinking about?" he asked from the driver's seat of his car, pulling you out of your thoughts and back into the present, where you were driving from your apartment in Prism Vista City to your moms' house back in Sunset Bird.

"Not much," you replied, shooting a smile over at him.

It was a lie -- you were thinking about an awful lot of things, but you were hoping that the ring tucked safely in your pocket would make him forgive you of any and all fibs it took for you to get that ring on his finger.

Derek smiled back, satisfied with your answer, and put his hand palm-up over the gear shift. You laced your fingers through his, and he smiled wider.

You'd known you wanted to marry him for a while. Years, if you were being honest -- there was a reason you'd agreed to his deal back then. But when you'd stayed with him the summer he came back home, after you both laughed off the deal, pushing your real feelings back yet again, you'd realized that maybe your dream of him being your husband was more than just a nice thought. And when he'd confessed his feelings for you on the Ferris wheel, finally ready to embrace what he'd wanted out of life and to pursue it, you knew there was no turning back.

You wanted him to be your husband.

The details had worked themselves out for the most part. You knew that Derek would try to propose when he was ready, ever the gentleman, so you enlisted Cove's help to help you find a ring fast. You and your best friend went to the mall one day while Derek was working over at the shop, got a couple of smoothies and got to picking out the most important piece of jewelry you'd ever purchase.

Once you had it, you kept it on you almost constantly, always on the lookout for the perfect opportunity. Finally, when your moms invited the two of you over for brunch one Sunday, the opportunity arose.

The park. Naturally.

You'd been trying to work out everything you wanted to tell him all morning, and you kept thinking about on the car ride over. Even as you ate with your parents, then while you were washing dishes with Derek after -- everyone had long since given up on telling him not to help out -- it was on your mind.

After everything was clean, and after a bit more chatting with your moms, it was showtime.

"I think I'm going to take Derek for a walk," you announced, standing up from the couch in the living room.

"Good call," your mom said. "You want to make sure to take them out after meals, don't want an accident in the house."

Your long-suffering ma groaned, lightly slapping her wife on her shoulder. She just snickered.

Derek smiled, unbothered by the teasing, and said, "I could go for a walk."

And you were off.

You both started walking toward the beach without a word, hand in hand, and when you got close you started on the path towards the park, tugging him along with you.

"Hell yeah," he grinned, realizing you were heading towards your special spot but still, you were sure, completely unaware of what was about to happen.

When you arrived, you let go of Derek's hand, stretching out your arms. He walked ahead a few steps, looking over the familiar playground.

"What do you think?" he asked. "Swings, monkey bars ..."

He turned around to get your opinion, but had to look down to see you -- you'd taken the moment to get down on one knee, the ring from your pocket raised up towards him in your hand.

Your boyfriend was a big guy, all muscle, and you knew that strangers that saw him must have thought he was tough. But seeing his reaction to your tell-tale position, eyes as wide as they'd go and both hands up to his mouth in shock, his real self shown through. He was a sweetheart, a total softie, and you made him melt.

He glanced from your eyes to the ring and back again a few times, and you couldn't help but smile at how excited he seemed. You could have stayed there for so much longer, just drinking in how adorable he was, but you had some things to say.

You launched right into it, telling him all about how much you loved him, how much he meant to you, and how happy the idea of spending forever with him made you. You talked about the life you'd been building together and how you wanted to keep working at it, always, with him. You sang his praises, even when tears started to form in your eyes, because he deserved to hear them. You needed him to know, as much as words could convey, just how special he was.

Derek had never been a crier. Even during life's most difficult moments, and you had seen a few of his, he tended to completely internalize things, leaving no room for any sort of outward show of emotion. But by the time you'd said what you wanted to say, the collar of his shirt was damp with tears, and you saw more tears on his cheeks glinting in the afternoon sun.

For the big finale, you kept it simple, holding the ring up further and asking, "Will you marry me?"

In a flash, he grabbed the wrist of the hand that held the ring and found your other hand, and he pulled up up so you were standing in front of him. He closed his large palm around the ring in yours, making sure it was safe, then hugged you tight against him.

Too well-mannered to leave you hanging, he interrupted his own hug to lean back and look at you.

"Yes," he said firmly. "Let's get married." He couldn't help but let out a little laugh then, so utterly delighted with the words that he felt the need to repeat them.

"Let's get married."

You grinned, then gently pulled your hands out of his. You waved the ring up towards his face a little, showing him your intentions (and also showing off the ring, which you had to admit was really pretty), then took his left hand again. After bringing it to your lips for a quick kiss, you stretched out his fingers and then slid down the ring where it belonged.

A perfect fit, in more ways than one.

He looked down at his hand in awe, then back up at you. Before you could say anything else, he swept you back up in his arms. No longer needing to be careful for the ring, he picked you up, swinging you around with what could only be described as complete and utter glee.

"We're getting married!" he cheered, even going as far as to let out a "Woohoo!" You joined in with the cheering.

Eventually he put you down, but instead of stepping back, he softly cupped your face in his hands and kissed you. It was light at first, and you could feel the smile still on his face, but then it deepened. He moved his hands to your hips, wanting you to be even closer, and you missed the feeling of the cool metal of the ring on your cheek.

"I can't wait to tell my family," he told you after a moment of that, leaning his forehead against yours. "I can't wait to tell everybody."

"Well, your family sort of already knows," you admitted. "At least that I was going to ask, anyway."

"Huh?"

"I had to get their blessing, didn't I?" you asked.

He kissed you again at that, and you couldn't help but think of your very first kiss with him -- it had happened here at the park, to seal the marriage pact. You loved how everything had come full circle, and you loved the man in your arms, and you absolutely, positively loved that you a lifetime of these kisses to look forward to.

[chuckle-lore]

Episode 105- December 19th, 2023- Charlie Christmas Special 2: electric boogaloo

Lore-

Charlie’s death is confirmed to be from ingesting white phosphorus and blowing up

Charlie came from a candy cane rift from hell but can only stay for 24 hours, this is most likely a punishment for Ted and Schlatt

9:15 Schlatt grieves over Charlie’s death, most likely has some form of regret for Charlie’s death or at the very least misses Charlie

10:00 Ted sent Schlatt to “good boy ranch” which is basically conversion therapy but for men who cry too much because Schlatt was supposedly too emotional. This begs the question how much control Ted has over Schlatt’s life.

14:45 Charlie explains his spectral form which is sorta clear goo that takes 14 days for morph into his ghostly form. It is both a very disgusting and painful process.

Charlie hasn’t chuckled once all year which makes sense because he was in hell up until that episode.

40:10 Ted says if he’d had perfect vision he would’ve been able to stop 9/11 AGAIN. Assuming that this wasn’t a slip up on Ted’s part, that means Ted has stopped 9/11 once but there was a second one that he he couldn’t prevent. It’s a lot to take in I know.

The Other Guy’s ™️ origin: Schlatt saw him inside of someone’s house in Pflugerville and took him.

Charlie canonically “nogged” himself after hearing the unlimited bacon question

1:13:40 Charlie is sent back to hell

Ted and Schlatt speculate on how dead Charlie really is and begin planning on kill him a second time. Ted mentions that they’ll need ghost white phosphorus which means: 1) ghost can die 2) there is such thing as ghost white phosphorus and it is obtainable to them 3) Charlie is either deemed as a threat or at the very least an annoyance to Ted and Schlatt

My thoughts-

This episode was such a slay. I kinda became a real fan of CS a little bit after Charlie’s death so I didn’t understand how much Charlie added to the podcast until this episode came out back in December. He just bounces off everyone so we’ll and I appreciate the fact he pre-plans his bits beforehand, it makes me wish that modern cs threw in a few more bits in general. Charlie was an absolute delight and he made my job so much easier when he just kept dropping lore bits.

This would’ve been a 10 or 9.5/10 but I do have a gripe with this episode. Back when this episode first came out me and my mom decided to let my brother watch the special with us. (He really wanted to watch with us and I thought it wouldn’t be a issue because episodes with Charlie are normally more tame.) Then the Mr. Hands section happened and I have to live with the fact my brother knows what Mr.Hands is because I vouched for him. We did not finish that episode. Because of that one moment I’m giving it a 8/10, great episode but I’m holding a grudge.

Things I noted-

Is Catholicism canon in the CS universe? Like is it the confirmed religion or is that just a Schlatt thing?

The other guy in the background>>>

It’s just really funny to me that Ted took Schlatt to conversion therapy

14:00 Gas stations eggs mentioned

The egg nog and candy cane bit might’ve been a nod to Charlie’s old veggie bit

How did Schlatt make eating the hook part of the candy cane sound more gay than sucking on the straight part of it

Living for Charlie obsessing over Tucker

Ted is 100% right on his opinion on store bought vrs. bakery cookies

Charlie glitching made me think my phone was broken lol

(Original notes, updates, +a comment that made me giggle under the cut)

Updates:

I’m no longer sick :D

I’m planning on going out to buy new colored markers for my notes to spice things up

THANK YOU FOR 60 FOLLOWERS!!! It is absolutely insane how fast this blog grew and I can’t thank y’all enough!!!

If we reach to 100 I’ll do a Chuckle Lore weekend with requested episodes (I am not doing a straight week of this lol)

Welp I’m going back into the mines now. Bye bye :]

[angstymdzsthoughts]

I posted 238 times in 2022

226 posts created (95%)

12 posts reblogged (5%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@mondengel

@mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess

@anjimimimoo

@last-in-line-for-hell

@therinde-dreams

I tagged 155 of my posts in 2022

Only 35% of my posts had no tags

#mdzs - 137 posts

#wei wuxian - 80 posts

#lan wangji - 56 posts

#reply - 53 posts

#character death - 26 posts

#lan xichen - 22 posts

#jiang cheng - 18 posts

#lack of reply - 17 posts

#lan sizhui - 13 posts

#angsty talks - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 108 characters

#i feel like the quality of writing slowly degraded the longer it went but i have no motivation to correct it

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

All the Wen Remnants want is to live in peace until their dying day, WWX enables that by creating a massive barrier over the Burial Mounds that makes time move faster for those within it.

The Sects finally lay seige to the Burial Mounds and break the barrier, they are stunned to discover the Burial Mounds are now a lush thriving paradise free of resentment, the Stygian Tiger Amulet now merely a powerless and rusted trinket.

JC is the one who discovers WWX had been manipulating time but LWJ is the one who discovers Suibian, a first class spiritual sword, massively aged and used as a gravemarker alongside Chengqing (that now has flowers growing out of the holes) for her master who died hundreds of years ago.

It started small. A way to speed up the crops growing so everyone could eat. In injury that would have taken months to heal only taking an hour. Speeding up the Burial Mounds slow recovery until it became a place where life was possible again.

No one noticed at first. The days felt like they were passing by normally. Of course A-Yuan shot up so quickly, all children do. Of course their elders felt slow and ache with all the hard work farming demanded. But then one of the women had a late in life pregnancy in her early forties. Barely a month after finding out she was expecting she birthed a healthy nine month old baby boy.

Wei Wuxian had already been working on a way to stop what was happening but Wen Qing had gone to him and asked "Would it really be so bad to leave it? We don't know how long we have until the other sects come for us. Let the elders spend their last days in peace and let the children grow until they can defend themselves."

284 notes - Posted October 18, 2022

#4

I saw fanfictions where Wei Ying was the secret son of Wen Rohan from the woman he loved. He recognized this and demanded him for himself (without explaining that this was his son), and the Jiangs handed him over to the beaten ones, believing that he was guilty. What if they go even further? Madame Yu is pleased to hand over the severed head of the "servant's son"...

WRH looking at the decapitated head of the young son he didnt know he had: ... This is the opposite of what I wanted.

293 notes - Posted June 16, 2022

#3

Since secretlyevil! is popular this week, I propose secretly evil mxy finds a ritual for temporary possession expecting that WWX will do his thing and he’ll wake up in a year as the ruler of the cultivation world. Instead he wakes up in the jingshisleeping next to hanguang-jun. Your bet if he confesses or he tries to take over wwx’s postcanon life…

Mo Xuanyu wasn't expecting to wake up next to one of the most beautiful men in the world. He had sort of been expecting two or three beautiful women given all the rumors of Wei Wuxian before he died. He was by no means complaining of course!

A quick look around the room led to real disappointment though. He didn't know where he was, but the early morning light made it obvious that this was not the empire he had been expecting. A part of him had thought the Yilling Patriarch would take over Koi Towers since it was by far the most luxurious city in the known world.

Still, it was better then that thrice damned shed.

Now all Mo Xuanyu had to do was continue to play the part. He had no doubt that Wei Wuxian had built up an army for him to command. He just had to make sure no one got close enough to begin doubting his power. Hopefully Wei Wuxian didn't have a habit of showing off...

He began to climb out of bed, eager to see what the Yilling Patriarch had built for himself in the past year but was stopped by a strong arm around his waist.

Really though- he had to commend the Yilling Patriarch for his excellent taste in men! Hangung-Jun as a lover! That alone was worth losing his body for a year.

"Wei Ying," Lan Wangji said with a sleep slurred voice.

Mo Xuanyu didn't really think much of interacting with Hangung-Jun. The other man would at most be a concubine who no one would listen to if he noticed Wei Wuxian acting strangely. As tempting as the older man was, Mo Xuanyu was too excited to see his new empire to stay in bed longer.

So he scoffed and removed Lan Wangji's arm from his waist and said "Don't be so clingy, Hangung-Jun. I have better things to do."

The way Hangung-Jun's eye snapped open and locked on him made him realize that he had just made a mistake.

296 notes - Posted February 12, 2022

#2

WWX dies after Sunshot Campaign Reputation Intact AU

Playing fast and loose with the timeline a bit, bear with me here.

It's almost perfect the Sunshot Campaign has ended, Jiang Cheng, Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian have returned to Lotus Pier.

Wei Wuxian sits outside overlooking the lake waving Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli off to bed to moonwatch a bit longer.

In the morning they find Wei Ying asleep in the same place they left him last night. Exasperated good humor fades into horror as they realise their brother isn't breathing anymore and had passed peacefully away in his sleep with a soft smile.

Visitors including the Lan, are turned away from Lotus Pier as Jiang Cheng checks that it wasn't a assassination. (it's not, Wei Wuxian body literally gave out on him because of the immense strain the Sunshot Campaign put him under).

The funeral is held privately at Lotus Pier and Wei Wuxian's tablet is added to the Family Shrine.

The first the Cultivation World learns of Wei Wuxian's death is at the Phoenix Mountain Hunt when Jin Zixun callously asks why the Jiang Sect are still wearing mourning attire and Jiang Yanli replies in front of every Cultivator at the hunt that the Jiang Sect is in mourning for the death of Wei Wuxian.

(Wen Qing encounters Lan Wangji and learns that Wei Wuxian is dead. Lan Wangji overhears her muttering that its her fault and pressures her for a answer. A answer she won't give unless Lan Wangji helps her rescue her brother Wen Ning...)

Wei Wuxian returns to a world that knows of his sacrifice (A concept that gives him hives) a brother ready to either whip him or hug him and Jiang Yanli and her husband Nie Huisang who both want him to investigate the truth behind the murder of Nie Mingjue and Jin Zixuan and expose Jin Guangyao.

Because ironically Wei Wuxian has the best reputation of the lot of them having died a hero and willingly endured a Golden Core Transfer Surgery as the donor. Lan Wangji's reputation took a nosedive when he rescued the Wen Remnants and barely survived the Propaganda storm of rumors by the Jin for opposing them by going into seclusion.

WWX kicking in the jingshis door: Hi Lan Zhan! I'm here to kidnap you!

306 notes - Posted October 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

In those AU's where WWX allows himself to be purified to death by the Lan its often by LWJ who thinks he's helping and WQ knows beforehand, Here WWX is suicidal and has decided to make his death mean something.

What if WWX agreed to be purged of resentment in return for granting the Wen Remnants sanctuary then fully informed the Lan of what cleansing entailed? The Elders don't believe WWX because he's still agreed to undergo cleansing and they don't realise WWX is actively suicidal instead of lying. LWJ is conflicted regarding the issue and LXC steps in to perform Cleansing also sure that WWX is exaggerating, he's not exaggerating. How would the Lans react knowing that they assisted in WWXs suicide. How would WQ react after WWX lied to her about the the Lans requirements to take in the Wen Remnants, not knowing that he'd tricked them into killing him thereby forcing the Lans to take in the Wen Remnants and protect them out of duty and guilt at accepting such a twisted agreement.

I like this one.

Lan Wangji was really the only one who unquestioningly believed Wei Wuxian when he told him that the ritual would likely kill him. He was immediately telling Lan Xichen that they needed to make a new deal and find a different condition to take in the Wens because he wasn't willing to risk Wei Wuxian's life. Lan Xichen speaks to the elders and they all convince him that this was just the Yilling Patriarch trying to weasel out of being purified and purged of the resentful energy that makes him so powerful. Lan Xichen believes the elders and doesn't trust Wei Wuxian but he does have a talk with him to try appeasing Lan Wangji.

During their talk Wei Wuxian sort of nonchalantly says 'yeah the chances of me dying are super high but if this is what the Lan clan wants then so be it' and Lan Xichen is like 'ok I'm still pretty sure your lying because no one would be this casual with their life so this is a go, but Wangji won't be happy about it.'

Wangji is Very unhappy about it. He tries to stop the ritual and fights a lot of his own clan before he is subdued and dragged away for his own punishment. Wei Wuxian feels super guilty and regrets telling Lan Wangji.

The ritual happens and Wei Wuxian ends up very very dead. Lan Xichen has a crisis because 1) he just killed a man, 2) he was warned that his actions would cause this, 3) he kneeling chose to ignore these warnings, and 4) that man happens to be the love of his brothers life. Some of the Lan elders try to argue that Wei Wuxian tricked them so they shouldn't have to fill their end of the agreement and take the Wens in but Lan Xichen shuts that down fast.

Lan Wangji is told that Wei Wuxian is dead and his heart breaks. Lan Xichen begs for forgiveness but Wangji isn't really in a forgiving mood. He ensures Wei Wuxian has a proper burial and goes into seclusion, planning to stay there for the rest of his life.

336 notes - Posted April 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ticcitoby-obsessor]

The first meeting

-----Look at pinned post to understand-----

Phase = 13 years old

Warning= First person perspektiv, Suicidal Thoughts, depressed teen

Part 1

1779  words

“You never believe me!!!” I am shouting so hard it echoes in the tinny hallway. My teeth are shattering and my heart is pounding. I can feel the tingle of numbness in my lips and my throat becoming raspy. It physically hurts me to be this angry, this upset. It doesn't seem to bother her though, not the slightest. As she stands in front of me, straight back, looking at me as if I am some spoiled child throwing a tantrum. I am not, but how should I react when I try my hardest and she will not recognize it even. 

 “I believe you think you are.” My mother sighs. The disappointed look that makes me wish I didn't come home from school today.

 “But the fact is that your grades are poor, regardless and what you are learning now is the building blocks for the future. You need to know these things, if not, you will never be able to do anything in life.” Her hands come up, expressing her frustration on me perfectly. My blood is boiling but what can I say, I guess I am just to stupid to do anything in this life then. 

 “If you would just let me get you someone that could work with you at home.” 

 “I am already being taken out of class, being humiliated by everyone, for having private classes, if you do that” I stutter as the tears come down my face. Salt hitting my tongue. My face is red, and my skin feels pulled and tired.

 “Nobody needs to know, I can get someone from the city, I can drive them here after work and bring them back in the evening. Maybe you can stop having private classes at school too.” she begs of me, but we have had this conversation before, both she and I know it is useless. I cant even try to mutter a word back as everything in me hurts and all I can do is cry, but I will not, I am angry not sad, I will not cry.

 “All you do is be lazy in your room anyways.” She says, her tone changes and so do I. I look up at her face, she looks angrily at me. She wishes for me to listen but she doesn't understand. Everyday I am tired, exhausted in my head and all over my body. All I can do is sleep, but how can I not? I don't understand how anyone can have energy after school. My life is just sleep and school and now she wants to pile on me more school, so I never get any rest. This “talk” isn't going anywhere. So I turn, my feet start to move to the door, I only entered through a few minutes ago. I feel numb with anger, numb in my body. It moves without my thought, without me. I am only inside watching it all unfold. As my mothers hand catches my shoulder. I rip the shoulder forward making her become off balance. 

 “Where are you going now?!” She shouts as my hand reach for the handle of the door.

 “You are always so childish, you can never see reason, you are impossible to deal with.” She continues, but she doesn't come after me, she doesn't dear to. The door slams behind me, sending a chill down my spin. “What do I do now?” I look around the house, the white, almost abandoned looking house that in its glory days probably housed a nice big family that loved each other, but now is made into two small apartments, one upstairs and one for us, down stairs. Just like us, the once upstairs are also a broken family. A woman lives there with two young boys, much younger than me. She seems like a drunk, but she complains all the time about us, so maybe she is more put together then I think. Having to deal with us, must be hell. A teen girl getting shouted at everyday by a new loving couple that broke her family a part. It was good the first year, when it was just me and her, but then the reason she left my father moved in and since I have been alone in it all. Making my own food, doing my own things and indeed sleeping all that I can, since school is hell on earth. The house stands alone on the outskirts of a big forest. The thick woods look inviting as I know I have nowhere to go. How could I ever go back even though all I want is to be back in bed. My feet cross the gravel driveway and head into the woods. The trees around are tall and gray, the branches don't start until four meters up. It makes it a lot easier to see further into the woods. The sun doesn't reach with the thickness of the branches up top, so the ground beneath me is brown, covered in dead pine needles. I look back for a moment, she isn't coming after me, she never will. I am only a bother to her now. She is probably happy I am out, so she can go back to her loving new boyfriend. Makes me want to puke. So I turn and let my tired aching body push up into a run. The anger carries me, as the tears run down, they swoosh off my face, while the clump in my chest makes it hurt to breathe. The evil thoughts continue regardless of how much I run and they are true. I have no one, I have lost my family, my father as we left and my mother to another man. My previous friends find me annoying and I know they wish I wouldn't hang around them. As soon as I walk up to them, they become quiet, every time, they always had jokes but never let me hear them. I know they talk after school, I know they meet up and hang up, but I am never invited. One time I caught them, hanging out at the beach only a few minutes walk from my mothers house. I was going down, since it was in the middle of summer and I thought I could be alone there, but as I approce the beach, I see the four, sitting around a portable campfire, one of the once you buy at the store for use once. They were blaring music and laughing. As they saw me, it stopped. They whispered to each other as I went up to them, being naive as I was, I was happy to see them. I asked why they didn't tell me and all I got was that they forgot. Somehow they didn't forget anyone else and as I sat down by them, they said their mothers were on their way and they needed to clean up and head home. I was so naive that summer but now I know better. But regardless I hang around them, what am I supposed to do, eat my lunch by myself in some bathroom. How pathetic can I be? Some people are good in school but have no friends. Some have all the friends but are shit at school. I am somehow both, shit dumb and unlikeable. Everyone is angry with me, my mother, my friends for hanging on them and my teachers. There is no one else in my life. If I died out here in the woods everyone would just be happy about it. 

 As my feet start to ache I see three big rocks in front of me, that I dive down on, out of breath and still crying, loudly and with an ugly face. I can barely keep my eyes open as the tears fall down around me. The stone is cold and hard but with some struggle I manage to scotch my butt up on it. I place my legs up on it and make my way further back. As I find a somewhat level place on the large rock, I sit with my head between my legs and I let the tears fall. My hulks are loud around me and my cries for my mother are out right embracing but I can't help but scream for her. Not for the witch in that house but the mother I had before, before she split with my father. The caring, kind women that always held me when I cried. That always made things better, not worse like this one does. They feel like totally different people and the realization of that makes me feel as if I have totally lost her all together. If she was dead it would have been better at least then I wouldn't have to deal with this person that says she is my mother, but never acts like it. I sit on the cold stone for another half an hour until the tears dry up and I am no longer able to cry anymore. It hurts so much so I sob softly as I raise my head. My neck hurts immensely and for a moment I become scared I can not move it, but up it goes. I dry my tears on the cheaply made black hoodie that I had fallen in love with. As I open my eyes my heart skips a beat, I need to rub my eyes once more to believe what I see in front of me. It had become dark but this was not another tree, the white circle far up, made me sure of it. It looked like a man, an abnormally tall man, rather slim and in an black suit. Like my father had worn some times. His legs were as long as normal trees. I had become sure I was hallucinating now.  I had no power to scream, to run or do anything normal as one might when seeing something unnatural. But something in me was more curious than afraid too. I sat there blankly staring as the man moved closer, he walked relatively slow and with small steps for the size of his legs. As he came closer, he towered over me and I saw that the white circle resembled a face, without eyes, or mouth, no nose or cheekbones. Just blank and white, “looking” down at me. It as I had decided by now this was no man, was reaching its hand out to me. It stopped before the stone, maybe so it would not scare me. The hand was as long as the legs. It did not speak, it did not motion anything.

[bro0klyn3]

Ok so this a little piece I wrote for my au and I haven't written in a while so this is kind of bullshit-

TW: Slur(The bad word for gay I guess)?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the years went by, the United States of America had a lot of faces.

First as ꏳꌅꊿꁲꋖꊿꁲꃔ-, a young girl who had no fear of death itself. The water,land and air that made up the land was hers. She was the bravest person in the entire world! Well, in her mind at least. With bright brown eyes, black hair and clothing that hangs loose, she was on top of the world. With her mother's blessing, maybe one day she could lead the continent, just as her mother would.

Then again maybe that's why she died of a gunshot, thinking she was invincible.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then as Roanoke, a timid little boy who was new to the world, literally and figuratively. He and the others were the first British people in the New World. This colony was named Ren by the colonists who lived there. This boy had hazel eyes, hair of the color of the chestnuts that covered land and clothes that were way to big on him.

This boy died first when the colonists started to turn on each other.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then Jamestown. This young man was able to pass as a child with how short he was compared to his colonists. Over time he learned how to farm and live off the land. He absolutely hated the cold with all his heart, but the one silver lining was his love- Hugh. They did everything together and Jamestown was willing to spend his entire life with him.

Maybe that's why he died of heartbreak when Hugh called him a fag and left him in the woods when Jamestown admitted his love for Hugh.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then 13. This young boy was confused young boy with a massive amount of thoughts on about every subject he came across yet never told anyone as fear of being punished. Whether its was about farming or sailing, this boy was willing to learn from his older siblings and uncles on how to be the perfect colony. And above all else, 13 wanted to gain the respect of his father, the great British Empire. 13 wanted to be just like him.

That's why it was surprising to 13 that he died after signing his new name, The United States of America onto the Declaration of Indepence. He had broken away from the chains that he so foolishly locked onto himself when he was younger.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally, The United States of America. Or a asshole as Russia would call him. He really didn't give a fuck of what Russia thought about him. United was tall and more muscular than what Roanoke, Jamestown, or 13 could even dream about. He wasn't quiet, everyone in the entire world would agree with him about that. He was himself, and that was all that really matter to him. No longer did he have to hide under the mask of a quiet and timid boy, now he was himself. A boy who loved other men, a boy who loved to spend time with kids and a boy who loved money more than anything on planet Earth.

And so, why in the Fucking Hell is the spirits of his past haunting him since he was born?

[thatstolenpayal]

i don't know any of you, neither do ya'll know me. but i am just posting this here. i might delete it later.

i am 18. and my life's not been easy. i mean no one's has obviously. but i find myself upset about weird things. as i go back, i see nothing. no memories. no friends.

i haven't cherished anything. i was this loner with absolutely no friends. i faced bullying in school inspite of being a good scorer and every teacher's favourite child. they used to and still say, 'scholar aditi', i used to score like crazy, trust me. now it all left me. but back then i was the most sincere, annoying girl.

a girl once asked me how do i do it all so perfectly. and i couldn't even say that you need to sacrifice a lot for that. i knew nothing. i was an absolute failure. i was like this hermit who lived far away from the city. and when it struck me, boy it hurt so bad.

i felt timid and weak among those blood-sucking monstrous teenage girls. i don't know if i still can forgive them. it made my life a living hell. i would spend hours crying my soul out in front of my mother.

oh my dear mother, if only she knew. my parents made it worse for me. i would come home from school, realizing how empty my life is, blame my family for it, and would screech and cry all day. i saw that my parents weren't like those of the girls around me. i knew it was gonna be horrible, moreover my 13 year old body didn't help either.

the lockdown. i perceived i was depressed. i wailed in front of my father to take me to a therapist. he didn't. it went on. trusted a boy. talked to him all day. all of it opened up again, started preparing for jee mains. classes. met people there. good people. first time feeling things. felt good. second year, found out the boy was a jerk. got my heart broken, not broken, crushed, a hundred times, over and over. i would cry all day, told my mom i was just stressed cause of the exams. he mentally harassed me, would send me suicide threats, would threaten to come over. i couldn't do anything.

got up. studied hard. got involved with people. made friends. realized the things that made me happy. dreamed about my future. even though i never wanted to do engineering, i planned other things. music, art. accepted my relationship with my parents.

fucked up my first attempt, went numb for a few days. turned 18, and honestly i am terrified. i don't wanna grow up so fast. not so soon. i still haven't lived. i wanna dream more.

i still have all the things related to that boy in the corner of my cupboard. i don't plan on throwing them yet.