#the autism had him in a chokehold that day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year ago

Note

looking for: support, validation, reassurance

tw: sibling abuse (?)

I’m writing this at 3 am trying to figure out if I’m crazy. I can’t tell if I love my brother or not. Most of the time we have a fairly normal sibling relationship I guess but then there are times he is completely awful.

I have to preface this with the fact that my older brother has ADHD, autism, and is currently on anti psychotics for mood. Most of the times when something like this has happened it’s been when he doesn’t take his meds. He gets unbearable when he doesn’t take his adderall, and i understand but it honestly feels like he annoys me on purpose.

He does things, i tell him to stop, he keeps doing it, I tell him more forcefully, he keeps doing it. Until finally I gut so agitated that I yell at him to stop. He then proceeds to humiliate me for getting upset and calls me insane and psycho.

The only time he truly hit me was probably my fault, but he wouldn’t leave my room and when I begged him to please leave because my ears hurt from an infection he mocked and humiliated me. I got angry and jumped at him. He then proceeded to hit me across the side of the head so hard I ended up with a swollen eye with visible broken capillaries around it.

The other two incidents after only really involved threats. This is also probably my fault, but he was making a root beer float and I took a sip of it (what I feel is normal sibling type behavior) he reacted by yelling and repeatedly hitting my arm. I walked away and he said that he wished he could snap my spine in half. I, stupidly, made a snide response in defense causing him to run over with a baking sheet and pull back like he was going to hit me over the head.

the final thing happened earlier today, and is the reason I’m writing this. He was constantly being annoying today and while I was trying to practice my bass he kept murmuring music making it impossible to concentrate. I told him to stop, he didn’t. I was fed up from the rest of the day and shouted at him. He then got up and mockingly screamed at me and fake punched me. Except I didn’t realize he was faking it so I put my hand up to protect my face and he accidentally hit that. He then made fun of me for being scared of him hitting me and faked punching me a few more times before walking away.

every time something like this happens it leaves me in a chokehold of fear. It’s completely irrational but I sit frozen and silent scared that if he hears or sees me he will attack me. I’ve overheard him laughing at something multiple times after an incident, like it didn’t even occur or affect him.

he only ever goes this far when my mom isn’t home. I’ve told my parents but I’m not sure what they can do about it. My brother is almost 20, unemployed, and doesn’t do anything to contribute around the house. My mom doesn’t want to have to kick him out but sometimes I just don’t feel safe.

I hope this wasn’t too long but I really had to share this with someone. I was always too afraid to talk to my school counselor about him because I didn’t want to ruin her view of him so I haven’t had a lot of advice.

thank you so much- scared sister

Hi scared sister,

I'm so sorry to hear about what's been happening. Please know that you're not crazy, and your brother's behavior is unacceptable.

It's common and understandable to have mixed feelings about people who have harmed us, especially if we have relationships to or with them. On the one hand, he is your brother and in many ways it makes sense to love him, but on the other hand he's hurt you a lot and it's hard to figure out how to balance those two opposing things.

I don't know too much about how Adderall affects people, but in my mind, if you can have ADHD, be autistic, or miss a dose of Adderall and not be abusive, then I don't believe that any of those things have any influence on his abusive behavior. I think it's common for abusers to attribute their behavior to factors outside of their control, like the effects of medication or neurodiversity, but the truth is that abuse is a choice. When abuse is blamed on other things, it doesn't hold them accountable for their behavior, and instead says "Well he can't help it, it's really x that's to blame," and enables the behavior to continue. Abusers hate accountability, so that could be why his behavior has been chalked up to things outside of his control.

How you've described these incidents of abuse reminds me of reactive abuse, which is when the abuser works to get a rise out of their victim in order to paint them as the abuser, gaslight them, or humiliate them for their justified outburst. Also please know that none of what he's done to you is your fault, including the incident of physical abuse. Your room belongs to you and he is not entitled to it. You deserve to be listened to and respected more.

Regarding the root beer float incident, there are far healthier ways for your brother to communicate his thoughts and feelings. If he didn't want you to have a sip he could've said something like "Please ask me first next time," but instead he decided to harm and intimidate you.

I think it's important to remember that your fear is not irrational at all. Your brother has done things that make you feel physically and perhaps also emotionally threatened, and multiple experiences like that over time can exacerbate your emotions and develop trauma responses. It sounds like he's been triggering your survival mode (fight or flight, technically also fawn and freeze).

As for bringing it up with your parents, it sounds like perhaps they haven't taken your claims seriously. I'm also not too sure what they could do about it but I'm sure there are more consequences they could give him than to just kick him out.

Also please know that as far as bringing it to the attention of your school counselor, his image honestly isn't worth protecting. It's more important that people understand your brother for who he truly is, and not an image that misrepresents him as being better than he really is. You don't deserve to let this stop you from getting the counseling and support that you want.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #trauma details #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #scared sister

1 note · View note

orbemnews · 4 years ago

Link

A teen with autism died after Louisiana deputies sat on him for 9 minutes, dad and mom' lawsuit says “By no means did we ever assume that our 16-year-old son with particular wants would die in entrance of our eyes at his age and within the palms of regulation enforcement,” Donna Lou, the mom of the teenager, Eric Parsa, stated Thursday in a information convention. “Sadly it’s our actuality of a nightmare that we have now needed to dwell with on daily basis since his premature demise,” Lou stated. Deputies responded in January 2020 to a shopping mall in Metairie, a suburb of New Orleans, as Eric skilled a “meltdown” associated to his autism, in line with the lawsuit and the household’s attorneys. They handcuffed Eric, shackled his ft and restrained him face down on the pavement of the buying middle’s parking zone, placing immense strain on his again, in line with the lawsuit, which calls using drive “extreme” and “unreasonable.” Over the course of 9 minutes and 6 seconds, deputies did not put Eric in a “restoration place” after subduing him that might have prevented {the teenager} from suffocating, the lawsuit says. The Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Workplace (JPSO) stated the lawsuit contained false and “malicious accusations” in opposition to the deputies. “This case facilities on a severely autistic teenager recognized with quite a few different psychological circumstances which induced him to have frequent violent outbursts,” the assertion stated, noting Eric attacked and bit his father. “As soon as deputies arrived, they tried to regulate the violent teenager’s outbursts to stop him from once more attacking his dad and mom and first responders,” the assertion stated. “Deputies allowed {the teenager}’s mom fixed entry to stay near her son on the scene in order that she may assist first responders in defusing her son’s violent conduct.” “Whereas the Sheriff’s Workplace stays deeply saddened over this unlucky lack of life, it doesn’t intend to permit Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Deputies to be maligned and slandered by these in search of to revenue from this unlucky state of affairs,” the company’s assertion stated, partially. “The Sheriff’s Workplace will well timed reply to those issues as requested by the Courtroom.” CNN has reached out to the Jefferson Parish Legal professional’s Workplace for remark. The lawsuit filed in US District Courtroom within the Japanese District of Louisiana additionally names numerous JPSO sheriff’s deputies and the homeowners of the buying middle the place the incident occurred, claiming violations of Eric’s and his dad and mom’ constitutional rights and violations of the Individuals with Disabilities Act. It seeks unspecified damages, however Lou stated she and Eric’s father are sharing their story to stop one other household from experiencing what they’ve gone by means of. “We carry this lawsuit in hopes that Eric’s demise wouldn’t be in useless,” she stated, “and no different household must undergo the identical horror.” Teen was in the midst of psychological episode Eric and his dad and mom had been leaving a laser tag facility on the buying middle on January 19, 2020, when Eric started to “expertise a sudden sensory outburst” associated to his autism, the lawsuit says, and started slapping himself and slapping and grabbing his father. As a result of his restricted language expertise, “Eric may have self-injurious and aggressive behaviors when he was annoyed,” Eric’s mom defined in an announcement she learn on the information convention. “Eric was experiencing a disaster,” she stated. The supervisor of the laser tag enterprise, who was conversant in the household, requested Lou if she would love the supervisor to name police, and Lou stated sure. The buying middle had employed safety officers that included JPSO deputies, the lawsuit says. An off-duty JPSO reserve deputy acquired the decision from the laser tag supervisor, who knowledgeable him that Eric had autism and was in a “confrontation” outdoors along with his father. Cameras mounted outdoors the enterprise captured the incident, displaying Eric and his father grappling with one another for a number of minutes till the primary deputy arrived, driving a JPSO SUV. The deputy contacted different deputies for help in restraining Eric and in addition contacted EMS, the lawsuit says. The video exhibits Eric, who was overweight, slapping his father and the deputy, who obtained Eric on the bottom face down. The deputy — whom the lawsuit describes as an chubby man — handcuffed Eric and sat on his again for the following 7 minutes, the lawsuit says. Lou remained on the bottom subsequent to Eric, making an attempt to calm him. “Crucially, what the deputy ought to have finished at that time, as soon as issues had been calm and the whole lot was high-quality, was they need to have taken the burden off of Eric Parsa’s again,” William Most, an legal professional for the household, stated in the course of the information convention. “They need to have rolled Eric Parsa onto his facet to make sure that he may proceed breathe. However the deputies didn’t achieve this.” Over the following a number of minutes, six extra deputies arrived on the scene. One in all them relieved the primary deputy, getting on Eric’s again and, at one level, placing him in a chokehold, in line with the lawsuit. Every of the deputies was conscious Eric had particular wants, the lawsuit says, however none intervened to maneuver Eric onto his facet right into a “restoration place.” “It wasn’t till his physique had gone limp and he had urinated on himself that deputies rolled him into ‘restoration place,'” the lawsuit says. “By then it was too late.” Eric was quickly taken by ambulance to an area hospital the place he went into cardiac arrest. The Jefferson Parish Coroner’s Workplace categorised the style of demise as an accident however stated a contributing issue was the “inclined positioning” Eric was in whereas restrained by deputies, in line with the lawsuit. ‘Eric was our goal’ Lou stated Thursday that Eric “introduced a lot pleasure” in his 16 years and stated the developmental milestones that may be taken as a right in a typical youngster had been what made her and Eric’s father so proud. On the time of his demise, Eric was in highschool, engaged on social and unbiased life expertise. In 2017, his mom stated, Eric gained an award from Cox Communications New Orleans for working arduous to beat the hurdles he confronted in day-to-day life. “Eric was our goal in life. He depended upon us, his dad and mom, to assist him navigate by means of this complicated world,” Lou stated. “Not having the ability to see him or hear his voice has been devastating to us,” she stated. “How do you reconcile with your self that there aren’t any new reminiscences to be made with him in it?” CNN’s Tina Burnside contributed to this report. Supply hyperlink #AteenwithautismdiedafterLouisianadeputiessatonhimfor9minutes #autism #deputies #died #lawsuit #Louisiana #minutes #parents #parents'lawsuitsays-CNN #SAT #Teen #us

0 notes