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Gym Crush (Part 2)
Read Part 1 by @exploratorytfs.
It’s been a year and a half since the swap, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about how crazy it all was. You might be wondering—why would I trade the life I had? I mean, I had it pretty damn good.
Before all this, I was hot. Not just passable, but the kind of hot that turned heads. I had worked my ass off to look the way I did—hours at the gym, eating clean, all of it. And then there was Edgar. God, Edgar. This dude was a walking Greek statue: broad shoulders, a thick chest, veins for days. I mean, it wasn’t just the muscles; it was the way he carried himself. Confidence, swagger, like he knew he could get whatever he wanted. And yeah, I guess at the time, he was my boyfriend.
But even with all of that—being hot, dating a hunk like Edgar—I just couldn’t do it anymore.
You’re probably thinking I’m nuts. I mean, guys like Edgar don’t come around often, especially not for guys like me. Let’s be real, most dudes who look like him wouldn’t even give a trans guy like me the time of day. So, yeah, I was lucky. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. I should’ve been happy, but the truth is... I wasn’t.
Why? Well, Edgar. He wanted me to be this perfect, submissive, fem bottom. And look, I’ve got nothing against that. There are guys out there who rock that vibe, who own it, and good for them. That’s just not who I am.
I know, I know—saying this out loud would probably get me canceled in half the gay bars across the country. But I really am masc for masc. Always have been. I’m not saying it to be some sort of gatekeeper or anything; it’s just... that’s what I’ve always wanted for myself.
And it’s not just about who I’m attracted to—it’s about me, too. My whole life, I’ve been trying to prove I’m man enough. To the world. To other guys. Hell, even to myself.
Transitioning was the first step, obviously. But it wasn’t enough. I wanted to look the part, you know? That’s why I inked myself up. And the gym was my second home, but even after countless hours of sweat and dedication, I could never quite bulk up. No matter how much protein I shoved down or how hard I lifted, my frame stayed twinky.
Don’t get me wrong—there were plenty of guys who loved me for it. I mean, twinks are kind of a whole thing, right? A lot of guys would’ve killed to look like I did, but that wasn’t the point. It didn’t feel like me. I didn’t just want to be a guy; I wanted to be a man. The kind of man Edgar was.
And Edgar... he didn’t see me that way. Sure, he’d call me hot, touch me like he couldn’t get enough, but then he’d taunt me. He’d weaponize my body. Every time he called me “pussy boy” or made some comment about how he was more of a man than I was, it chipped away at me. He might’ve thought it was playful, but to me it was cruel. And I couldn’t take it anymore.
Initially, I thought if I just stuck it out, maybe things would change. Maybe he’d see me differently, respect me more. He didn’t. My self-esteem tanked. I started dreading the time we spent together, and eventually, I just... stopped putting out.
And of course, that’s when things really fell apart. Edgar doesn’t do well with rejection—big shocker, right? So yeah, I wasn’t exactly surprised when Edgar came sliding back into my DMs after. But honestly, I wasn’t planning on responding. I’d already been down that road, and I’d told myself after the last time—no more.
Still, when I saw what he was pitching, I couldn’t help but be curious. Swapping bodies with a cis guy? At first, I rolled my eyes. Like, thats even possible. But the more I thought about it, the more curious I got.
The guy Edgar had in mind? Not exactly a stunner. When Edgar sent me his photo, I remember staring at it for way longer than I should’ve, trying to pick out anything redeeming. The dude was... average. A little too soft in the face, a little too plain. But, to be fair, there was some potential there. Barely.
His eyes were nice, though—kind of soulful, in a way that made you think he might be a good guy deep down. And the kicker? He was taller than me by a good 6 inches. That alone had my interest. But let’s not kid ourselves; the real selling point was the fact that he had a cock.
That was the dream, wasn’t it? My own cock. I’d spent years dealing with the disappointment of not being able to fully live out the life I wanted. Transitioning had given me so much, but this? This was the missing piece. In this kid’s body, I could finally live out the fantasy that had been sitting in the back of my mind for years.
I could be the top I’d always wanted to be. I could take guys home, pin them down, and breed them with my own cock and fill them with my own cum. No more strap-ons, no more awkward positioning—just me, fully in charge, giving them EVERY. SINGLE. INCH.
Maybe with a little muscle here, a little polish there, I could make it something great.
So I said yes.
I’m not gonna lie—the first year in this body wasn’t easy. Adjusting to a new frame, new habits, new... everything? Yeah, it was a grind. But if there’s one thing I’ve always had, it’s work ethic. Between that and this body’s naturally high testosterone—and okay, yeah, I might’ve dipped into some steroids here and there—I’d say I built myself up pretty damn good.
Look at me now. I run my own training service. I mean, it’s not like I’m the most skilled coach out there or anything. But honestly? That doesn’t seem to matter much. Guys line up for my programs, and we all know why. They don’t just want my advice—they want to look like me. I’m walking inspiration. Living proof that the dream is achievable, or at least that’s how they see it.
And man, the way people treat me now? Everyone’s calling me “bro” or “dude” every other sentence. Not that they didn’t before—I’ve always leaned into that vibe—but there’s something about hearing it now that hits different. Maybe it’s the weight of my cock swinging in my shorts as they say it. It’s like the final piece of the puzzle clicked into place. Everything just feels... right.
And the best part? This manhood of mine? Oh, it’s gotten around.
I mean, come on. Looking like this, how could it not? Guys want me. They crave me. They crave my fleshy, thick, no kidding, natural, beer can of a cock throbbing inside of them.They’ll do whatever it takes to get a night with me, and honestly, who could blame them?
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Talk To Me // LH44
Lewis Hamilton x Reader
Warnings: SMUT 18+ (Minors DNI), Angst, Mostly unestablished relationship, Unprotected Sex (wrap it before you tap it), Alcohol, Not edited
Word Count: 9.6k+
Summary: It's hard to know what someone else is thinking when you don't let them into your own thoughts, but Lewis will certainly show you exactly what's on his mind If you let him.
Notes: Lmao so my poll was pointless, here's all of it all at once! My little fingers were flying tonight! Some fluff, some angst, some smut, followed by some more fluff, just what we all love. I don't have much to say about this one other than ENJOY! I'll be working on a one shot based on that stupid little gladiator fit, the outfit did nothing for me but THE ARMS AND THE FACE??? best believe we need a lil something based on that. Love y'all!!!
I am not a professional writer and all of this is a work of fiction and is strictly for fun. Enjoy! xxx
“I’m so sorry I have to cut this short hun.” Lewis said as he wiped his mouth across the table, his eyes truly apologetic.
“I’m just glad I got to see you for a few minutes while you were here.” You said softly, your heeled foot brushing his calf under the table, your words coming out much shyer than your actions.
It wasn’t that you and Lewis were new to each other, far from it. You had met him at the beginning of his season and now here he was, just a few weeks away from moving to Ferrari. Every break he had he’d made time to see you, yet he’d been a perfect gentleman the entire time. Yes, the pet names were laid on in excess and the touches had begun to linger a few months ago but you were becoming restless for more. You really couldn’t blame yourself when he had the audacity to sit across the table from you looking so incredible, being so sweet every time he suggested you get together. Yes, you may have turned him down at first but this was getting ridiculous, there's no way you two were not on the same page.
“I don’t want to cut anything short, I wish I could stay, I really do,” He paused as he reached forward to grab your hand, “but I have a red carpet in like two days and I have to meet with Eric.”
“Mmm,kay” you huffed out infantly.
“Nah, don’t do that, I’ll see you before I head out, I promise.” He smirked at your attitude, squeezing your hand.
“So you don’t have any time for a pretty girl in between dinner and Eric?” You asked, attempting to layer the sultry and lust in your voice as you let your foot wander higher.
“Y/N.” His voice came out strained but stern, his strong hand grabbing your leg, “I cut it close by even getting dinner with you tonight, just couldn’t stay away.”
“So it sounds like I win over Eric.” You giggled, leaning forward on the table, your calf still in his strong palm.
“Don’t do this to me,” He groaned, “Listen I can leave the tab open, just don’t go home with anyone unless you’re calling me.”
“What if I call you in like 10 minutes?” you giggled again, his hand snaking up your calf despite how composed he was trying to stay.
“Y/N.” He warned, his voice low but his hand never ceasing its exploration.
“Well you go have fun with business things I guess, I’ll be here enjoying the atmosphere and free drinks, as long as I end my night with you.” You told him with a laugh as he stood up, dropping your leg abruptly, no amusement to be shown on his face.
“Not so sure you know what you just asked for baby girl, enjoy the drinks, I’ll send you a car.” Lewis whispered, bent down so only you could hear, making your stomach flip, finishing with a kiss to your cheek.
You watched as his muscular body moved away, staring at him intently as he told the host something while looking directly at you. Through the rest of the evening you enjoyed free drinks while sat with the best view, you listened as the dinner atmosphere turned into a club yet no one disrupted you unless they were refilling your drink. You were happily buzzed and seconds later your phone was buzzing just as much as you were.
“I couldn’t just send a car…” His sultry British accent came over the speaker.
“Are you saying you’re outside to pick me up sir?” You teased him.
“Of course baby, c’mon before I hire someone to drag you out.” He chuckled
“She came in with Lewis Hamilton but he didn't leave with her”
“Heard he's been seeing some woman on the east side.”
“He can't even convince us he likes his car, why would he like her”
The laughter of the girls that were probably too young to be there anyway stuck in your chest. A 15 year olds opinion didn’t matter right? But then again they see the tabloids and you avoid them…
By the time you’re out of the restaurant and into Lewis' car you find yourself in a foul mood, your happy buzz turning into a sad drunk imagining everything he could have done in the last few hours.
“You okay love?” He asks as you plop into the passenger seat, not even waiting for him to see you and open it up for you.
“Mmmm.” You humm, still stupidly in your head.
“Y/N, what’s going on? I’m so sorry I had to leave but-” Lewis starts his argument as he pulls onto the freeway.
“You do whatever you want, Lewis.” You say sharply,
“Woah, where did that come from?” Lewis asks, sharp but inquisitive.
“I should have known you were too good for me, my lew was just a fucking phase. All the damn teenagers in the restaurant knew it… you went and got fucked by someone else, I get it, i made you wait, you’re you, you’re a playboy and I guess-” You try to rant before his hand is against your mouth
“What the fuck are you talking about?” He asks, finally letting your mouth free with a look of pure confusion.
“What am I talking about? Where the hell did you go tonight? What are all those girls talking about?” You ask him sharply.
“Y/N, I went and saw Eric, I told you that. And are you talking about the teenage girls trying to get drinks at the bar?” His voice is firm before turning to further confusion.
“Yes Lewis, I am, they had lots to say as I left.” You try to keep your voice firm but it ends up sounding childish as you slump into your seat, crossing your arms across your chest.
“Y/N, those girls are like 15 years old and probably drunk for the first time in their lives, they were trying to drunkenly flirt with me when I left as if that isn’t a damn felony. Why the hell are you listening to anything they have to say?” His voice is incredulous, unable to process that the night has taken them to this point.
“Well you’re not denying a word they said right now, are you?” You throw back at him.
“I honestly didn’t think I had to!” He exclaims, still in disbelief.
You let out a scoff, turning to look out the window.
“Y/N, c’mon, I had a meeting with Eric, one that I was late to so I could make time to see you, I’m here to pick you up so I can spend more time with YOU. Why the hell would I be off with someone else?” His voice is firm but still holds a faint questioning tone.
“I don’t know, I’m evidently not good enough for you, I don’t even know how or why I caught your attention in the first place. I don’t even know what the hell it is that we’re doing. You haven’t even kissed me Lewis! I constantly feel like an idiot, I sit here wanting you to fuck me and the most I get out of you is you calling me ‘baby’.” You let all of your thoughts come out, against your better judgment, slumping against your seat with a huff.
He is quiet for a moment, stunned to silence. He is struggling between keeping his eyes on the road and staring at you in utter disbelief, a look you would see if you had the guts to steal a glance at him.
“I- I honestly don’t even know where to start…” He says quietly, trailing off.
“You know I’m right, that's why you don't know what to say.” You state as if it's a fact, a sassy quip in your tone as you shrug your shoulders, a sassiness that only comes out after some drinks.
He so badly wants to laugh, not only at your unusual sassiness but at just how ungodly wrong you are, but he knows that he can’t, that he shouldn’t, it would only make everything worse. Instead he does his best to stay firm.
“Sweetheart, no, you couldn’t be further from right. I adore you, I’m just…” He sighs, trying to find the way to explain his feelings without sending you further over the edge, “I’m trying to be a gentleman here, I’m trying to do things a little different than I normally would. I’m out of practice with this whole romance thing and I know that you were skeptical of it at first too. I don’t want to rush you, I just love being around you.”
You scowl at being called out, knowing he’s right, you were very skeptical when you first met him, not convinced that being anything other than an acquaintance of a man of his caliber was a smart idea. You don’t dwell on it though, the liquor in your brain deciding to latch on to something else, ‘he just loves being around you’, there it is, you’re friends.
“So you’re not attracted to me?” You almost whine, if you were sober you would be embarrassed at how it came out but you can’t find it in you to care right now.
“Where the hell did you get that?” He asks, this time he can’t hold back the chuckle.
“You literally just said that you just love being around me.” You point out, still clearly not understanding much of what he said.
“Yes, and I do, how does that translate to me not being attracted to you?” He questions, a small smirk on his face as he notices that your mood is switching slightly from angry to bratty.
“You said JUST, meaning that’s all you want.” You challenge him, reading far too much into his words.
“Y/N, I also said I’m trying to be a gentleman with you and not rush you because of your feelings and boundaries.” He says calmly as he keeps his eyes on the road, trying not to get irritated with the beautiful tipsy woman next to him.
“Well how long were you planning on being a gentleman because I’ve been wanting you to fuck me for about six months now.” You say boldly.
His eyes go wide as he chokes on his own spit, not used to you being so blatant. The two of you flirt, things have gotten suggestive between you two more often than not, but you so boldly admitting something like that is new territory for him. He has to take a moment to gather himself before speaking.
“I- I didn’t know that,” He admits, his voice low, “I honestly thought you had just barely warmed up to the idea of us being more than friends.”
“What about my foot on your crotch tonight seemed like I still wanted to be just your friend?” You laugh in disbelief, slightly unsure if you are bad at putting yourself out there or if he is that bad at reading signs.
“Well yeah, tonight was pretty clear what you wanted, and to be honest I was going to give you exactly that after my meeting, it’s why I picked you up! I’ve been going crazy trying to go slow!” He exclaims.
“Was?” You question quickly.
“What?” He asks, blinking in confusion.
“You said was.” You point out.
“Oh jeez, not this again Y/N.” He huffs, ready for you to be mad at him for a whole new reason.
“No no no, you said ‘was going to give you exactly that’. You don’t want to fuck me anymore?” You pout as you question him.
He once again has to take a moment to gather himself, still unsure how to handle your unabashedness.
“No, I do! In the future, yes, and I will if you’ll let me, but you got in this car ready to cut my head off or at the very least never speak to me again, I kinda thought that the flirty mood from dinner had gone out the window.” He tries to explain as you near his house. With the argument he hadn’t even taken a moment to consider that maybe he should be dropping you at yours instead.
“So not tonight?” You huff.
“No Y/N, probably not tonight.” He says quietly, a hint of disappointment lingering in his words as he pulls into his driveway.
“Why are we here then?” You ask, unsure of what to do now.
“Just come inside for a bit, you can sleep in the guestroom if you want or I can call you a car later if you really want, but I don’t think this conversation is really done.” He coaxes you, undoing his seatbelt and turning to look at you.
“I feel like I’ve made my points.” You shrug, staying firmly seated in your spot.
This time he truly can’t help but laugh at you, getting out of the car and making his way to your door.
“Well maybe I haven’t made all of mine.” He says as he stands in the doorframe, his hand extended to help you out of the car.
You don’t say anything, choosing to stare straight ahead as the brattiness really sets in.
“Y/N, if you don’t get out of the car on your own I won’t hesitate to pick you up myself, c’mon.” His voice is slightly teasing but you can hear how serious he is.
Finally you sigh in defeat, grabbing his hand to step out of the car. You hate that the second you feel his skin on yours your whole body warms. Tingles go down your spine and everything feels just right, you’re meant to be holding his hand, you’re meant to be so much more than just friends, but right now you’re mad at him, so you do your best to shake it off. You’re confident that you played it cool but he could see the feelings from a mile away, the same warmth enveloping him the moment you placed your smaller hand in his. He would normally tease you, but right now he knows not to muddy the waters, he needs you to actually listen to him when he gets you inside. You snatch your hand back from him once you are standing, watching awkwardly as he grabs your purse and closes the car door before gesturing for you to head towards his house. You feel like a lost puppy, obeying his commands but you can’t help it, your bratty mood only has so much strength. When you get inside you feel out of place, despite having been there many times. You can’t explain exactly why you feel so bizarre about it, maybe it’s that you’re finally sobering up and starting to realize that you still have many doubts, maybe it’s that you’re sobering up and realizing exactly what you accused him of in the car, maybe it’s that you’re sobering up and really becoming aware that you blatantly told the man you wanted him to fuck you, regardless of what it is you would rather not be sober right now. The tension hanging in the air as he puts his jacket away is weighing on you like a heavy snow, you want him to put you out of your misery and break the silence but he doesn’t. Instead he just moves towards the kitchen, leaving you to follow him aimlessly. He grabs a glass from the cupboard as you wander over to his wine cooler, ready to make your selection for the talk you're about to have. Before you can even take in the selections you feel his hands on your waist, guiding you away and toward the kitchen island.
“Nope, I think you’ve had enough, sit.” He says firmly in your ear as he just about places you on a bar stool.
You don’t say anything, just watch as he makes his way back to the other side of the island, filling the glass he’d just taken out with water before he’s sliding it in your direction.
“I’m not thirsty.” You say, staring at the glass in front of you.
“You wanted wine about 20 seconds ago.” He deadpans, calling you out with a raise of his eyebrow.
“You know damn well that's not why I wanted the wine.” You shoot back at him, “You said you had points to make, go ahead.” You prompt him, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible.
He sighs, his shoulders slumping as he shakes his head and a look of amusement creeps its way onto his face. He takes a moment, just staring at you, taking you in and you start to feel uncomfortable under the scrutiny.
“Y/N, I don’t know what else to do.” He admits, sounding defeated.
You don’t respond verbally, furrowing your brow in confusion as you cock your head.
“I know we got to a… I guess a better place, back in the car, but I still don’t think you actually get it.” His voice is quiet, he sounds vulnerable.
This is unusual for you, you’re not used to Lewis being anything other than charming and cocky, to see him look defeated, vulnerable, it makes your stomach twist.
“I don’t get what?” You ask quietly, suddenly feeling slightly guilty.
“Hun, I try so hard. I don’t have enough time, and I know that, and I’m sorry for that, but I do my very best to see you as much as I physically can. When I’m away I try to not let a day go by where I don’t at least text you much less call you. I do stupid things with my schedule if it means I get to spend a few extra minutes with you. We’ve talked about things far deeper and greater than anything I’ve ever told my closest friends. I try to make every time I see you special because I know I’m not around for the casual moments and I have to be honest, most of that I’m not even doing for you. I’m doing it for myself because you are one of the most incredible women that I’ve ever met and I would kick myself if I let you fall through my fingers, yet here I am and it seems like I’ve done just that.” His eyes bore into yours as his words flow out freely, clearly unashamed about his feelings.
“I know you try hard, I never said you didn’t.” You say quietly, feeling almost like a child getting reprimanded after a tantrum.
“I know you didn’t say it, but I can’t help but feel it when you get in my car after a good night and immediately make it very clear that you don’t trust me.” He says firmly, his gaze never leaving yours.
“I do trust you.” You say, your voice barely above a whisper.
“Then why are you listening to drunk kids in a bar gossiping about things they know nothing about? Why don’t you tell me what you want with me? Things like the fact that apparently you’ve wanted to fuck me for the last six months? Why didn’t you tell me you were starting to maybe feel differently about this whole relationship after making it very clear that I didn’t have a shot?” His questions pour out in a way that makes your stomach knot, knowing he’s right to question all of it.
“I was drunk.” You answer meekly, hoping answering one question will be enough.
He lets out a dry laugh, “Okay, we’ll write that one off. What about the rest of it, Y/N?”
“It scares the shit out of me.” You admit so quietly you’re not sure he can hear as you stare at the glass of water in front of you.
“Admitting it to me or being with me?” He questions, his voice much softer now.
“All of it.” You say, feeling tears forming in your lash line.
“Explain it to me hun, because from where I am, we have a pretty amazing thing here if we just lean into it.” He says, so softly it could make you burst.
“I spend every day questioning not only why but hell if you’re even attracted to me. I know you have a billion other options so I don’t understand why you keep coming back, I’m afraid I’m just fun for you but then I think about it and I realize I’m not even your fun! We’re in wildly different worlds and I don’t even know how anything would ever work. I worry that you won’t be able to actually commit to anything. I worry that I’m the only one here feeling like this and I’m terrified of looking stupid and I’m terrified of losing the little bit of you that I have.” You rant, your tears now slipping past your lashes.
His face immediately softens when he sees your tears, quickly stepping around the island to get closer to you. He grabs the back of your chair, turning you to face him.
“Y/N, baby, I need to remind you that the very day we met, I point blank asked you out and you turned me down,” He starts quietly, taking your face in his hands to wipe away your tears as they fall, “I argued that we seemed like a good match and you had the audacity to agree with me but told me that you wanted a man that wasn’t fucking around, wouldn’t toss you to the side when he got busy. You told me that a romance with me sounded dangerous and that wasn’t what you were looking for but I couldn’t let you slip away like that so I asked you to let me prove that I could be that for you.”
You both laugh gently, remembering the first encounter that started all of this.
“I’ve been here trying to prove it to you, trying to be the perfect gentleman that you deserve, trying not to rush you, waiting for you to tell me you were ready. You didn’t say anything until tonight. And no, I’m not an idiot, I saw you starting to flirt more openly with me, I noticed you opening up about things, things becoming more intimate, but I swore I wouldn’t cross that line until the day you told me I could. If it’s just the logistics of it, that’s something we can work out, we’re both pretty smart people, I just need you to be honest with me.” He smiles softly at you, stroking your cheek with his thumb.
“Please kiss me.” You whimper, if your brain wasn’t processing all his words at a thousand miles an hour in the moment you may have cared about how you sounded, but after his speech all you wanted was his lips on yours.
“Is that your official way of telling me I can cross the line? That you’ll actually consider this?” He asks, his face closer to yours but still needing that final confirmation.
“God yes Lewis, I want you, I want to be yours, I want you to be mine, I’m sorry.” You say quickly, grabbing his arms in an attempt to get him closer.
“No need to apologize, beautiful girl.” The words leave his lips softly before they press against yours.
The second you feel his warm lips and their gentle touch, you melt. You feel complete the second he’s kissed you, unsure why you fought it for so long. His grip on your face is steady, grounding, everything you need. He pulls away much too quickly for your liking, keeping the kiss sweet, too PG for what you’re craving desperately. You chase his lips making him release a giggle that only causes you to pout.
“So you approve, huh?” He teases you, his hands coming down to rest on your waist.
“Oh shush, acting like you didn’t love it too.” You say, your pout morphing into a smirk that you can’t contain.
“I didn’t say I didn’t.” He says, leaning back into your lips.
This time he’s slightly less hesitant, his lips moving against yours gently. You can tell he’s holding back still but you're just too pleased to care, only causing excitement of what's to come when he’s less restrained.
“You know, two hours ago you were ready to rail me and now you’re being almost shy with the kisses.” You laugh at him when you finally pull away for air.
“Ssshhh, I’m just getting used to the territory.” He teases you, placing another peck to your lips.
“About that whole you picking me up to bring me back here and ya know…” You trail off, hoping he gets the hint of where you’d like the evening to go.
He lets out a sigh, pinching your hip before speaking, “I know, but not tonight. Just feel like we need to take a second.”
You pout at him again to which he just chuckles, pecking your pout sweetly.
“You’re the one who wanted to take it slow.” He points out.
“You’re the one who told me I was supposed to get laid tonight.” You throw back at him.
“Well you were the one with her foot on my cock.” He says, his eyebrows raised.
You gulp, the word tumbling from his mouth making your stomach coil in a much different way than earlier in the night.
“I-” You start, all the sudden feeling shy.
“Hmmm, cats got your tongue?” He jests.
“Well you were all ready to fuck me tonight but you wouldn’t even kiss me without explicit consent.” You blurt out, trying to call him on his contradiction.
“Fair point, but you were driving me to a new level of insanity at dinner tonight and I thought I was getting the message loud and clear.” He says calmly, leaning back in to kiss you again.
You silently pray that maybe just maybe he’s going back on his word as his lips move against yours, that maybe he’s changed his mind and you’ll end up in his bed tonight, but much to your dismay he pulls away once again despite your attempts to lock him into you with your arms around his neck.
“I could get used to finally being allowed to kiss you.” He smirks.
“You could be doing a whole lot more than that, but no, you’re keeping up the whole stupid gentleman thing.” You say, irritation seeping through your words.
“You told me you wanted a gentleman.” He throws back with an eyebrow cocked, amusement clear on his face.
“Well you proved that part, I want the rest now.” You almost whine, locking your legs around his waist, trying to pull him in. You find yourself annoyed for the first time by how strong he is when he doesn't move, never before being anything other than pleased by the godlike muscles under his skin.
He simply laughs at you, noticing that you're still a tiny bit tipsy, more unrestrained than usual.
“Alright, well you’ve already become a koala, how about I carry you to bed.” He chuckles, finally moving closer to you, only to pick you up.
You feel weightless and safe in his arms, quickly deciding you would let him carry you anywhere forever, a fact that you apparently accidentally state out loud in your still slightly inebriated state.
“Oh yeah? Well you let me know where you want to be carried and I’ve got you babe.” He simply chuckles as he walks toward the guest room, finding your admission endearing. All you can do is hide your blushing face in the crook of his neck.
When he finally plops you down on the mattress of the guest room you manage to pull him down into a kiss once again, one of his hands finding your waist as the other props him up above you. His lips move slower against yours this time, becoming slightly more explorative as you feel his tongue brush against your bottom lip. You open your mouth, welcoming him eagerly, the taste of him on your tongue is intoxicating. You take one last chance at what you’ve been dying for for months, moving your hand down from his neck to slip beneath the button down that is draped over his skin. You take your time to explore the solid ridges of muscle bulging beneath soft skin, you can imagine every tattoo that your hand brushes against but you wish nothing more than to actually see them. You can’t help but moan into his mouth when you feel his grip on your waist tighten as you touch him. The sound does something to him, you can feel his whole body tense beneath your touch as you make your way to his back, raking your nails lightly down the skin.
“Please Lew, want you so bad.” You whisper against his lips.
He pulls away from you with such urgency that you're convinced he’s about to say no again. He stands tall next to you, staring at you for a moment, just taking in the sight before him. You're laid on his guest bed, your hair strewn against the pillows with your short cocktail dress riding up your thighs. He pauses for a moment, closing his eyes, you wish for nothing more than to know what he’s thinking at that moment.
“Fucking hell,” He sighs and you begin to accept defeat, “yeah, okay, yeah, I can’t act like I’m not dying here anymore, but not here.”
You feel giddy the moment you hear his words, not processing what he meant by ‘not here’ until you're being scooped up bridal style, taking you by surprise.
“Lewis, we were in a bed.” You laugh, leaning in to place soft kisses against his neck that have him faltering in his steps.
“Yeah we were, but mine is much better and if this is happening you’re staying with me for the night.” He states as calmly as he can despite the tension flowing through his body.
It's a short walk before you’re once again being placed on a bed and you have to admit he was right, his bed is much better. You whine when you feel him move away making him laugh at just how needy you are.
“Patience baby girl, gotta find a light so I can see just how amazing you look when I make you cum.” His voice is teasing but serious, making your body flood with anticipation.
Within seconds he’s flicked on a warm light, a lamp by the side of his bed, just enough so you can see him as he stands next to you finishing undoing the last few buttons of his shirt. Your mouth goes dry when he shrugs it down his shoulders and you become nervous at how you might react to seeing him fully naked. It’s not that you haven’t seen Lewis shirtless before, it’s the knowledge that now you get to touch him, you know that his skin will very soon be pressed against yours, and it's driving you insane. You reach out toward him, your hand finding the skin just above his pants before he grabs your wrist.
“What did I just say Y/N?” He says lowly as he moves over you once again, “patience.”
“Been waiting so long Lewis, I don’t have any left.” You whine, your hips bucking up towards him when he presses a kiss just below your ear.
“Mmmm,” He hums through a chuckle before his voice turns thoughtful, “how do you think i feel? Been waiting a hell of a lot longer sweet girl. I gotta savour this.”
His lips tracing your neck are teasing, just enough contact to make you squirm but not enough to satisfy the carnal need brewing inside of you. His hands feel larger than ever before as they trace over your body, groping you in spots you never knew would emit such a reaction from you. He hasn't even taken off your dress yet and he has you a whimpering mess, your hands grasping onto his bare torso. You can feel the smirk of satisfaction on his face as he kisses down your throat, his hands finally reaching for the straps of your dress.
“Do you step in or is there a zipper?” He suddenly asks, taking you by surprise as he pulls away for a moment.
“Huh?” You shake your head, trying your best to come out of the absolute daze he had just put you in.
“Your dress.” He clarifies, not that it helps you any.
“Yeah? What about it?” You ask again, eager to have his lips on you again and still not fully back in your brain.
He smiles, laughing lightly as he shakes his head, “Your dress, did you just step into it or is there a zipper I need to find. It’s so pretty, don’t wanna ruin it.” His hands are massaging your hips as he speaks, not doing much to help you actually process his question.
“Um, there’s a zipper on the side, why did you-” Your question is cut off by his lips on yours once again.
“I’m in fashion baby, I’m familiar.” He mumbles against your lips as his fingers find the zipper, gracefully undoing it before his hands are back at the straps of the dress. Once again he pauses, “You absolutely sure?”
“Positive Lewis, I want this so much.” You tell him, trying to keep your voice firm so he has no further need to question you and delay what you're so desperately seeking.
The moment he hears the words leave your lips he’s back in action, his hands lowering the straps of your dress and pushing it down your body. You become very aware of the fact that you chose to go without a bra for the dress when you see his wide eyes staring at your chest. You almost feel shy but the way he’s looking at you takes any hesitation away. Once he’s taken in his view, he’s leaning down, peppering kisses across your whole chest. You can’t help but moan his name at the feeling of his lips on your skin, your grip on the back of his neck tightening. You almost explode when you feel his warm mouth wrap around your sensitive bud, his thumb brushing gently, teasingly over the other. You aren’t sure how you will be able to actually take it when you get to what you are dying for. You are writhing beneath him, spurring him on with every little whimper he pulls out of you.
“God, the little sounds you make, fucking music.” He murmurs against your skin as his kisses begin to trail lower, making his way down your abdomen.
When he finally reaches your hip you think you truly lose your mind. The one and only thought you can muster is ‘Lewis’. He takes his time, kissing across your pelvic bone, moving lower and kissing down the tops of your thighs. Finally he begins his ascent back up, nibbling on your inner thighs as he does, this tongue tracing circles against your skin that you have a desperate need to feel elsewhere, somewhere he’s been neglecting so far. Finally his fingers hook into the band of your thong, a lacey one you chose specifically for tonight, hoping this would happen finally. He hesitates for a moment, his eyes flicking to yours for a final confirmation.
“Please.” You breath out, lifting your hips to help him remove the tiny piece of fabric.
“Fuck Y/N” He says, just as breathless as you as he takes in the sight before him. He’s looking at you with the same admiration that he had when he took your dress off.
His thumb brushes gently against your folds, enough to make you shiver and moan but not nearly enough to satisfy the desire deep in your bones. You move your hips closer to him, earning a faint chuckle but thankfully he takes the queue, parting you open for himself so he can admire the aching bundle of nerves he’s dying to pull into his mouth. He strokes against you gently, just a few flicks before his thumb is trailing down to your opening, swiping up the wetness that is pooling.
“You’re making a mess, baby.” He tells you, his voice smug.
“Well, do something about it.” You snap back at him, your brattiness coming back with full force.
“Yes ma’am.” He laughs, giving you a playful salute that makes you want to slap him.
All your annoyance however is washed away in an instant when his lips finally suction around your mound, shocking you in a way you didn't know was possible. A loud moan leaves your mouth against your will, your hands moving to grab his bedsheets in an attempt to ground yourself. He groans against you, his tongue flicking in the perfect pattern, the combination sending you onto another planet.
“Oh fuck.” You squeal when he grabs your legs and puts them over his shoulders, diving in deeper and closer than he was before.
His mouth trails down, his nose still bumping against your clit as his tongue prods at your entrance, tasting every bit of you he can. His hands are tight on your hips, keeping you in place to pleasure you exactly how he wants. You can feel your stomach tightening, it’s embarrassingly quick you fear, but then he’s slipping a finger into you, his lips latching around your nerves.
“C’mon baby, I can feel it coming, give it to me.” He mumbles against you, the vibrations going through your spine.
You moan loudly, feeling the tension in your body rise. You’re a writhing mess, no longer able to be anchored by the arm draped across your stomach with little purpose. Just when you think you’re about to hit your peak you feel a second finger slip inside you, the pair hooking in the perfect motion that makes you crumble. You’re shaking as you moan loudly, your vision becoming blurry and your ears ringing as you come undone. His fingers never stop their torment, working you through it to ride out the high. When you finally come back into yourself Lewis is kissing along your thighs and leaving soft kisses to your overly sensitive core, his tongue dipping into you every now and again with a smirk.
“That feel okay?” He asks you when he finally sees you watching him, his tone dripping with the ever cocky ego of his.
“Oh shut up.” You giggle, pushing at his head as you burrow your head into the pillow next to you.
“Hey, c’mon now, don’t try to hide from me.” His voice is much closer than it was before and when you turn your head he’s directly above you, hovering over your face with a blissful smile that makes your heart clench.
“Don’t go getting too big of an ego, I needed a good fuck.” You giggle before his lips come down to meet yours.
“Mmmm, well first of all, just so you know, you taste divine and you look immaculate when you come,” He begins, mumbling against your lips before he trails down to your neck, “second of all, you haven’t gotten the good fuck yet darling,” With that he pulls away to look you dead in the eyes, “think you can handle that? Dying to know how incredible you feel.”
Within seconds you’ve gone from content mush to a horny animal again. You don’t know how your brain let you forget about the best part, you needed to feel him.
“Yes, oh my god please.” You breathe out, bordering on begging but you couldn’t care less in the world in that moment.
Your hands begin to move blindly, trying to find his belt buckle but just fumbling with nothing as you get distracted kissing him once again. He smiles, a genuine kind smile as he pulls away from you, sitting back on his heels to undo his pants himself. There’s something about the genuine happiness on his face that makes your heart clench and your stomach flip. He doesn’t just want a quick fuck, he wants you, he’s happy that its you. It’s not the cocky grin of a man who sweet talked some chick into his bed, it’s the genuine smile of a man who finally has the girl he’s been pining over for a year in front of him and finally on the same page. You’re only left to dwell on how much this means to him, to the both of you, for a mere moment, because soon he is lowering his pants and you catch your first proper glimpse of the prominent bulge threatening to burst his boxer briefs. You can’t hide your reaction, your eyes going wide when you see the size of it. You want to slap yourself, you should have known, you should have been prepared. Not only does the man exude ‘big dick energy’ in every thing that he does and says, he is usually sporting a bulge on the day to day without being hard. He clocks your reaction, a warm chuckle reverberating through his chest.
“Still sure about this?” He asks, his voice soft, catching on to your genuine hesitation.
“Can I see it?” You ask and immediately want to take it back, you feel like a teenager afraid of seeing a dick for the first time.
He laughs softly, kicking off his pants fully before leaning down to kiss you again.
“Of course, you can see it, touch it, measure it, inspect it however you want before you decide.” His words are punctuated by kisses, carrying a teasing lilt with every one.
“Stop, it’s just, your ego obviously doesn’t need it, but it looks bigger than what I’m used to.” You whine, your voice becoming shy as you attempt to dodge his kisses in embarrassment.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” The tease has left his tone, his voice soft and serious now, “we only do whatever you can handle, okay?”
You finally look back at him, embarrassed by your shock. The beautiful brown eyes that you meet hold nothing but sincerity, helping your nerves immensely.
“We’ll go slow, yeah?” He prompts, squeezing your thigh.
You nod, wanting desperately to connect with him that intimately. It’s been a desire burning within you for so long now you can't fathom possibly backing out, you know he’ll take care of you.
“You wanna touch it first?” He asks, his voice sincere but still causing you to laugh, making him join in with you, “Hey, I’m serious, maybe it’ll help.” You can hear the seriousness in his voice behind his giggles.
“Okay, yeah, actually that might help.” You admit, your laughter finally quieting down.
When he rids himself of his boxers you almost go through the same shock again. Firstly because of just how large he is, he’s longer than anyone else you've ever seen and so girthy you’re not sure you will be able to wrap your hand around him. Secondly because there he is, naked in all his glory, his strong thighs proudly showing muscles you could never dream of having, his beautiful torso adorned with intricate images and abs that have made you drool since the first time you saw him without a shirt.Your desire for the man in front of you quickly overtakes any hesitation you’d previously had, quickly sitting up to grab him and pull him towards you, crashing your lips against his. He moans into your mouth as your tongue dances across his. You take all your lust and turn it into gumption, reaching down and gently brushing your hand along his cock. His grip on you tightens and an almost pained whimper leaves his mouth as you do so. You take that as a good sign, reaching in between your own legs to get your fingers wet before wrapping your hand properly around his cock, stroking him gently. A groan leaves his throat as he forcefully pulls his lips away from you.
“There’s no way you just did what I think you did, is there?” He asks you, his eyes blown out, crazed with lust and disbelief.
You just giggle, swiping your thumb over his leaking tip, leaning in again to catch his lip. He lets you stroke him for only a moment before he’s pulling away and grabbing your wrist.
“It feels amazing babe, but if you keep doing that I’m going to cum.” He tells you earnestly, his forehead resting against yours as he breathes heavily.
“Well I kinda thought that was the point of this whole thing.” You giggle at him, knowing exactly what he wants but enjoying getting to tease him if only for a moment.
“The point,” He begins, pushing you down to the bed by your hips so he is hovering over you again, “is that I would rather be inside you when I do.” His words are muffled against your skin as he kisses down your neck, your brain short circuiting.
“Please.” You breathe out for what feels like the hundredth time of the night.
“I got you.” He murmurs, your legs locking around his waist.
You feel his bulbous head trailing through your folds, collecting your wetness. You almost feel as if it must be a dream, there's no way you finally got this lucky. Then you feel the slightest bit of pressure at your opening, he's not even inside you yet and you gasp.
“It’s okay, I’ve got you, we’ll go slow, you just keep telling me how you feel, okay?” He whispers in your ear.
You nod and the second he’s sure you want it you feel him pushing forward, the stretch stinging and feeling like too much yet also feeling absolutely perfect. He only thrusts about a quarter of the way in before he’s pausing.
“How you feelin’ baby girl?” His voice is soothing but you can hear the strain as he asks the question. You need him to keep going, the momentary pain melting into ultimate satisfaction.
“More, oh my god, please.” You moan out.
He finally continues, pushing into you with such care it makes your heart burst. The way he’s handling you makes it evident that this isn’t just a fuck for him, it’s a coupling, He cares more about being close to you and your pleasure than he does the rest of it. When you feel his pelvis meet your clit you clench every muscle in your body, feeling fuller than ever before. He lets out a deep groan, dropping his head into the crook of your neck.
“You let me know when I can move sweetie, but you gotta relax for me. Okay?” You can hear the tension in his voice muffled against your neck, his lips moving against your skin.
You let out a breath, working through the overwhelming feeling of being so full of the man you care so deeply about, your body finally relaxing.
“Please move Lew, I need it.” You whimper out, your nails digging into his shoulders.
“That's my girl.” He says softly, his face just above yours with a soft smile as he begins to thrust.
Within moments he has found a pace that has your toes curling and your nails raking down his back. He is hitting every single spot you need him to, stretching you to the limit in the best way possible, working you to your peak in a shockingly quick manner. He’s not rough, he’s not fast, his movements are slow and languid. If he’s not staring directly into your eyes while he whispers sweet and filthy words to you, his lips are on yours as you swallow each other's moans. You’ve never been happier to have a vocal lover than Lewis, you can tell he is loving every single second, that he is overwhelmed with how good he feels. He’s not holding back a single moan, grunt, or groan and it’s only spurring on your pleasure. He sounds so good, looks so good, and feels so fucking good. You’ve never felt quite this all consumed by a man before, he is all that exists in the moment. He is leaning down on his forearms, his large biceps caging you in and it's all you can do not to lean over and bite them. His voice is in your ear when his tongue isn’t in your mouth, his heavy cock is splitting you in two with every perfectly aimed slow deliberate thrust, his pelvis is dragging across your clit giving you every ounce of pleasure you could ever need.You can already feel your toes clenching and your walls beginning to lock him in as you brace yourself in his shoulders.
“God, you feel fucking perfect, fucking made for me. My girl, all mine, huh?” His voice is rough as he talks to you, his forehead resting against yours, his eyes boring into yours.
You can only nod, tears slipping down your face as even moans refuse to escape your throat.
“That’s it baby, just feel it. Taking it like such a good girl.”
The tone of his voice and the dirty words tumbling from his lips have your stomach clenching, you know you’re almost there and so does he. His slow and steady pattern speeds up every so slightly, still keeping the same intimacy but increasing the obscene pleasure running through your body as his hand snakes down to properly rub at your clit.
“Let go for me Y/N, cum all over my cock, I’m right here, I’ve got you, lemme feel it.” His voice is strained but soothing as he talks you to your release.
Within seconds you let out a guttural moan, your whole body tensing as you feel the coil snap. The only word that can leave your mouth is his name, a chant of ‘Lewis’ leaving your tongue as your mind goes blank. You can faintly feel his thrusts falter before his own groan is matching yours, his head falling to your shoulder as thick ropes of cum lace your walls. You have no idea how long it is that you lay there on his bed completely limp. You have a faint memory of the whimper that left your lips when he finally pulled out of you. You know there was a moment of panic when you saw him begin to walk away but you were so blissed out that you ended up focusing on how good his ass looked. What you don’t know is how long it’s been since he left or how long you’ve been laying there, now all you can think about is how badly you want him back next to you. You try to move to sit up but quickly realize the best you can do is prop yourself up on your elbows. As you struggle, Lewis comes back into the room, holding a wet cloth and a glass of water, a smile across his face as he takes in the sight before him.
“You’ve been gone for forever.” You whine, unaware if it's even true or not, doing your best not to admire the fact that he is still stark naked in front of you.
“I’ve been gone for maybe two minutes,” He laughs, making his way towards you, “honestly didn’t even think you would notice, you seemed pretty content off in some bliss land.”
“Hey, that’s technically your fault.” You weakly argue, falling back onto the bed.
“A fault I will happily take,” He smirks, leaning down toward you and pressing his lips against yours, “again, and again, and again, and again.” Each declaration is sealed with a kiss, making you giggle and very weakly try to push him away.
He finally moves away from his assault of kisses, placing the water on the night stand next to you and moving to part your thighs which immediately makes you protest.
“Lew, it was amazing but I can’t.” You whine, squirming away from him.
“Baby,” He laughs, trying to stay sweet but far too amused by your sex drunk mood, “I wasn’t trying anything, I swear, just wanna clean you up because I think a shower is pretty far from your reality right now.”
“Oh.” You mutter, not used to any of your partners ever taking the time to take care of you afterwards. It was usually you realizing a little while later that you had to make sure you peed at the very least.
Lewis however makes sure to take extra care with you, one hand massaging your thigh as the other wipes the warm cloth against your skin. He does smirk when he reaches your core and sees you flinch the slightest bit, but even with your reaction he stays sweet and careful, caressing you in what can only be described as a loving manner. When he’s done, he throws the cloth carelessly onto the floor, something you would have thought would drive him insane, knowing he’s a tidy control freak. Instead of worrying about it, he runs his hands up your sides, kneading at your flesh in a way that somehow feels intimate but not sexual.
“Do you want to sleep like this? Or do you want some clothes?” He asks gently, placing a kiss to your stomach that once again manages to not feel suggestive somehow.
You can feel yourself getting shy. You know the answer he wants but you really want at least a t-shirt, something about sleeping naked has always made you feel weird. You hesitate for a moment, your answer apparently written all over your face because he just smiles and places another kiss against your skin before getting up and heading towards his closet.
“T-shirt or sweatshirt?” He calls out from within the closet, not an ounce of bother in his tone.
“Sweatshirt?” You answer, unsure of yourself.
“Boxers, shorts, or sweatpants?” He calls out again, unphased by your request.
“Is boxers weird?” You ask, still unsure.
“Nope!” He says, emerging from the closet, now wearing a pair of sweatpants low on his hips, his hand full of a stack of clothing for you.
“I’m sorry.” You mutter as you sit up to take the clothing from him.
“Arms up,” He says, the sweatshirt above your head ready to dress you, making you giggle, “and why are you sorry for wanting to be comfy while you sleep?” His voice is muffled through the thick fabric of the sweatshirt that he places over your head.
“I’m sure you would have rathered, I said naked.” You admit as your head pops out the neck hole making him laugh.
“Sweetie, you’re in my bed, that’s all I need. Want you to be comfortable.” He says sincerely, a soft smile on his face as he leans down to place a kiss on your forehead. “Besides I’ve always been kinda convinced that monsters will grab me if I have a foot out from under my blanket so I can’t blame you for wanting to sleep in something.”
You can’t help but let out a genuine laugh at that, knowing that that was one of your childhood fears yet it still follows one of the most fearless men you know.
“Alright, ya gotta scooch this beautiful bum.” His instructions come out soft with a soft pat to your ass as he slides the boxers up your legs.
Everything about the moment feels so loving and playful, it’s hard to imagine that this man that is saying bum and telling you he’s afraid of monsters under the bed was making you see stars and become delirious mere minutes ago. This was a feeling you could definitely get used to. Once you were dressed, Lewis was prying the blankets out from under you, attempting to make room for himself in the bed, laughing at your lack of movement.
“Okay, first note to self, she’s a damn bed hog.” He said playfully once you were both in the sheets, his arm wrapping around you in an attempt to pull you as close as possible.
“Hey, you can’t possibly already be making a cons list, you wore me down like three hours ago.” You argue, half serious, as he maneuvers you so you’re laying against his chest as he hikes your leg up over his hips.
“Not a cons list, just a things to remember list.” He assures you softly, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.
“Okay, I suppose I can live with that.” You huff playfully into his chest, your fingers tracing patterns along his pecs.
He hums in satisfaction, evidently enjoying your soft touch on his skin as you cuddle further into him.
“Hey Lewis.” You grab his attention, your voice muffled with your cheek smushed into his chest.
“Yeah baby?” His voice is tired as he massages the back of your head, his other hand tracing soothing patterns on your back underneath his stolen sweatshirt.
“We’re gonna make this work, right?” You ask him, your voice timid but needing to hear the confirmation before you can let yourself fall into a peaceful sleep.
“I’m going to do everything in my damn power Love, would never forgive myself for letting you slip away” He tells you seriously even though you can tell he’s beginning to drift off.
That’s all you needed to hear. You let yourself nestle even further into him than you thought was possible, beyond happy that you finally admitted that this was your man. Nothing could ever be perfect, and while your reservations may still have some validity, nothing was better than this beautiful man underneath you and you were prepared to fight like hell to keep him.
#lewis hamilton#lvis44#lh44#lewis hamilton fanfic#lewis hamilton imagine#lewis hamilton x reader#f1 x reader#f1 drivers#driver x reader#team lh44#lewis hamilton smut#lewis hamilton one shot#lh44 imagine#lh44 x reader#lh#sir lewis hamilton#f1edit#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 fic#formula 1#f1#lewis hamilton angst#lewis hamilton x you
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34+35 - Lewis Hamilton (NSFW)
Part of 1K Jukebox Event
song: 34 + 35 - Ariana Grande
pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Reader!
genre: smut (these photos of him in a garage did something to me)
wordcount: +3k
As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!
EXPLICIT CONTENT UNDER THE CUT, -18 DO NOT INTERACT
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The heavy click of your heels echoes through the foyer, mingling with the faint hum of music drifting from the living room.
You drop your keys on the console, the sound loud enough to announce your arrival but soft enough not to interrupt him—because of course, he’s home.
And of course, he’s doing something maddeningly nonchalant while you’re practically vibrating with tension from your day.
You walk in, ready to unload the day’s chaos onto the nearest chair—or him, whichever happens first.
But the sight that greets you brings you to a sudden halt. There he is, sitting on the couch in a pair of grey sweatpants and a fitted white tank top, his body draped over the cushions like he owns the world.
His curls are loose, a few even falling into his face as he scrolls through photos on his tablet, the soft light of the screen casting a golden glow over his sharp jawline.
Your eyes flick to the photos for a split second, and there it is: him, in his new +44 merch, leaning against a vintage car in the shot, all casual dominance and smoldering eyes.
You swear under your breath. You’re already unraveling.
Lewis looks up and smirks, that slow, knowing grin that’s half amusement, half challenge. “Tough day? Or just can’t get enough of me?”
You roll your eyes, stepping out of your shoes and setting them by the sofa to buy yourself a moment. “Both” you mutter, brushing off the comment.
He sets the tablet down, leaning back into the couch with his arms stretched out over the backrest, watching you with the kind of lazy attention that makes your pulse skitter. “Hungry?”
“Starving.” The word slips out before you can think better of it, and his eyebrows rise just slightly.
“For what, exactly?”
“Lewis,” you warn, though it’s a weak attempt. You’re already losing the battle against the smile threatening to tug at your lips.
“What?” His tone is innocent, but the glint in his eyes betrays him. “Your body is telling me something, you know.
You cross your arms over your chest, leaning against the arm of the couch to look down at him waiting for him to go on.
“Come here, love. Tell me what is it.” He gestures lazily toward the space next to him.
You hesitate. Part of you wants to sink into the cushions beside him, let his calm energy wrap around you. But the other part—the part still running on adrenaline from back-to-back meetings and decisions—won’t let you.
You shake your head, staying where you are.
“I’m fine,” you say quickly, your voice just a little too tight. “The usual chaos. Nothing worth rehashing.”
Lewis tilts his head, studying you like he’s deciding whether to push. He knows you too well, and it’s infuriating how easily he can see through the armor you’ve spent years perfecting.
“Huh” he says finally, his voice slow. “So, you’re pacing the room like you’re about to go to war for fun?”
“I’m not pacing” you shoot back, realizing too late that you’ve taken at least three steps toward the kitchen without thinking.
He laughs, the sound low and warm, cutting through the static in your mind. “Sure, love.”
You glance back at him, narrowing your eyes. He meets your gaze, holding it with a calm steadiness that makes your stomach flip.
“You’ve got that look, you know” he says, his voice softening slightly.
“What look?”
“The one that says you’re trying not to lose it, but you’re already halfway there.”
You exhale sharply, your shoulders sagging just a fraction. He’s not wrong, and the admission stings more than it should. You hate how easily he can disarm you, but there’s a comfort in it too, in the way he sees you even when you’d rather stay hidden.
“Maybe I am” you admit quietly, your voice barely above a whisper.
Lewis’s expression shifts, the teasing fading into something softer, more intentional. He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he watches you before getting up and reaching you on the kitchen.
“Come here,” he says again, his tone firmer this time, leaving no room for argument.
And for once, you don’t argue. You take the steps that separate you and settle in his arms, hoping the day would begin to loosen its grip on you.
But regardless of how comforting is the weight of Lewis around you, it’s not enough to quiet the restless buzz in your chest. You stand there rigidly, your back straight and your arms folded like they’re holding the last shards of your resolve together.
Lewis’s thumb rubs slow circles against your back, and while the motion is meant to soothe, it only makes the energy under your skin prickle more.
“You’re still wound up” he says softly, the observation maddeningly accurate. “What’s got you so tense?”
“Nothing” you reply curtly, eyes fixed on the far wall. The response is clipped enough to make him chuckle.
“Liar.”
Your head snaps toward him, a glare aimed to warn him off. But Lewis only smiles, his arm slipping so he can lean forward and face you fully.
“I’m serious,” he says, his tone shifting to that deliberate calm that somehow grates against the storm inside you. “You walked in here looking like you wanted to fight me and the furniture, and now you’re here like the world owes you a fight.”
“I’m not in the mood for a fight.”
“No?” He tilts his head, clearly unconvinced. His gaze sweeps over you, and you can feel the weight of it like a spotlight, exposing every crack in your composure.
“You look like you could use some unwinding” he says, his voice low and careful not to push too far.
“I’m fine,” you snap, the edge in your voice sharper than you intended. “Can we not do this right now?”
Lewis lets out a soft hum of acknowledgment, leaning back against a stool at the kitchen island as his eyes linger on you. “Sure. We don’t have to do this. But you know you’re not just gonna sit there and stew all night.”
You roll your eyes and stand abruptly, pacing around under the guise of needing water. It’s an excuse to put space between you and him, though you can feel his eyes on you the entire time.
“You always do this” you mutter under your breath, reaching for a glass.
“Do what?” he asks, following you like a shadow you can’t shake.
“This.” You gesture vaguely toward him, spinning around to find him leaning casually closer, now against the counter, arms crossed and a smirk playing at his lips. “This thing where you sit here all calm and collected, acting like you’ve got it all figured out.”
“I do?”
The nonchalance in his voice makes your teeth grind, and he knows it. He shifts closer, his hand brushing against your arm as he takes the glass from you and sets it back further on the counter.
“Talk to me,” he murmurs, his voice a quiet command.
“I don’t need to talk. I need—” The words catch in your throat, your pulse quickening as his gaze locks onto yours.
“What?” His tone is steady, unrelenting.
You hesitate, your lips pressing into a tight line. You hate that he can read you so well, that he knows exactly how to dismantle the walls you’ve spent all day reinforcing.
“I don’t know,” you finally say, the admission bitter on your tongue.
Lewis steps closer, his presence cornering you until there’s nowhere to hide. He reaches out, brushing his thumb on your cheek. “Sure, you don’t” he says softly, his thumb grazing dangerously close to the corner of your mouth.
And that touch is enough to send a crack through your resolve, and the frustration bubbling inside spills over.
“I need you to fuck me senseless so I can get out of my head” you snap, the words tumbling out before you can stop them.
The moment hangs in the air, thick and electric. His hand drops from your cheek, and for a heartbeat, he’s still. But then his expression shifts, his smirk sharpening.
“Finally,” he murmurs, the word more to himself than to you.
Your heart races as he closes any of the distance left between you two. His hands find your hips, pulling you flush against him, and his eyes meet yours with an intensity that steals your breath.
“Senseless you say?” he half asks, his voice low and edged with challenge.
You glare at him, refusing to back down. “Right here and now.”
His grin widens, wicked and unapologetic. “Don’t have to tell me twice.”
And he’s spinning you around, your back now pressed against the cool marble of the kitchen island. His hands are on you, firm and deliberate, and all the tension you’ve been carrying—the frustration, the restlessness, the overwhelming need— finally begins to slip.
Lewis’s lips claim yours with an urgency that leaves no room for overthinking, his hands gripping your hips like he’s anchoring you to him. Your breath hitches as his mouth moves to your neck, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses along your skin while his hands roam, tugging at your blouse to free you from it.
He isn’t soft, and you don’t want him to be. You want the fire, the friction, the rawness that only he can give you.
"You're still in your head," he murmurs against your collarbone, his voice a low rumble that makes your stomach tighten.
"Am not" you lie, though even you can hear the tension in your voice.
Lewis pulls back just enough to look at you, his hands sliding up your sides, his thumbs brushing the bare skin at your waist. His gaze is piercing, like he can see every thought you’re desperately trying to bury.
"Yes, you are" he counters, his tone steady, assured. "But I’ve got you"
The words hit something deep, something tender, and you swallow hard, gripping the edge of the counter to steady yourself. But Lewis isn’t having it. His hands leave your waist only to slide under your thighs, lifting you effortlessly onto the island.
"You’re going to let go, babe" he says firmly, stepping between your legs. His hands slide up your thighs, spreading them wider as he leans in. "I’ll make sure of it."
A sharp retort rises to your lips, but it dies the moment his mouth captures yours again. Your hands find their way to his shoulders, then his chest, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as if holding onto him might keep you from drowning in your own thoughts.
"I hate how you do this" you mumble against his lips, your voice a mix of frustration and surrender.
"Yeah?" His lips curve into a teasing smile, but his hands are anything but playful. They slide up your thighs, gripping firmly before tugging at the waistband of your pants.
"How you make me need you" you admit, the words cutting through the fog in your mind like a blade.
Lewis leans back just enough to meet your gaze, his expression softening even as his hands remain possessive on your hips. "That’s not something you need to hate" he says, his voice a low murmur.
Before you can respond, his hands move again, sliding your pants down and over your hips, leaving you only in your lingerie.
"Look at me," he says softly, tipping your chin up with his fingers when your wonders.
The intensity in his eyes pins you in place, grounding you in a way that makes your head spin. You feel the fight in you start to waver, your grip on control slipping with every deliberate touch, every whispered word.
"You’re here with me" he continues, his other hand trailing up your thigh. "Stay with me, Y/n."
"I’m trying" you whisper, the words thick with frustration.
"I know" he replies, his tone gentle but unyielding. His fingers graze the inside of your thigh, teasing but firm, and you can’t help the moan you let out.
The way he says it, like he knows you better than you know yourself. You exhale shakily, leaning forward to bury your face in his neck, your hands clutching at his shirt like it’s the only thing tethering you to reality.
"I hate how much I need this" you confess, your voice muffled against his skin.
"No, you don’t" he murmurs, his hands tightening on your thighs as he pulls you closer.
The next moments blur together in a haze of heat and motion. His lips are everywhere—your neck, your collarbone, the sensitive skin just below your ear.
The cold of the marble beneath you is a fleeting sensation, eclipsed entirely by the warmth of his body pressed against yours. He’s meticulous, demanding and reverent, as if he’s determined to strip away not just your clothes but every ounce of tension you’ve carried with you.
And he does. Piece by piece, layer by layer, until there’s nothing left but you and him and the steady, grounding rhythm of his movements.
His hands leave your body for only a moment as he hooks his thumbs into the waistband of his sweatpants and underwear, shedding them in a single motion.
You can’t help but reach out, your hands instinctively finding him, wrapping around the hard length of his dick with a confidence that earns you a raised brow and a teasing smirk.
"Handsy, aren’t we?" he quips, his voice warm with amusement, though there’s also a hunger there.
You don’t bother with a response, too focused on the weight of him in your palm, the way his skin feels hot and smooth against your fingers. But your grip tightens slightly, and he inhales sharply, the teasing glint in his eyes replaced by primal need.
Lewis leans down, one hand bracing the counter beside you while the other trails up your thigh. When he glances at you, his intentions are clear.
He’s going down on you.
The thought of his mouth on you, of him taking his time, should be enough to unravel the tight coil of frustration lodged in your chest. But it doesn’t.
Instead, the restless energy intensifies, and the idea of waiting—of anything standing between you and the rawness you crave—makes your pulse hammer in protest.
Your hand shoots out, fingers grasping at his biceps and tugging just enough to make him stop.
“Don’t,” you say, your voice sharper than you intended.
Lewis freezes, his eyes snapping up to yours. For a moment, there’s confusion there, a flicker of surprise that quickly softens into something more intentional.
“You sure?” he asks, his voice low, careful, as his hands pause on your thighs. He searches your face like he’s trying to read between the lines of what you’re not saying.
Instead of answering, you pull his body against yours, locking your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck, leaving no space for doubt.
That’s all he needs.
Lewis captures your lips in a kiss that’s all consuming, swallowing the moan that escapes you as he presses closer. His hands grip your thighs, positioning you at just the right angle, and then he’s there, pressing into you in a way that forces every other thought from your mind.
Even after all this time, the first stretch always takes your breath away. The sheer girth of him, the way he fills every inch of you, is something that never fails to surprise you.
A gasp escapes your lips, muffled against his mouth, and he groans in response, his forehead dropping to yours as he steadies himself.
Lewis adjusts his grip on your thighs, his fingers pressing into your skin with enough force to leave marks that will bloom tomorrow—an unspoken promise of this moment lingering long after.
He draws back, his cock sliding almost all the way out before slamming into you again, forcing a broken cry from your lips.
"That's it," he growls, his voice low and commanding. "I know you want to run that mouth of yours, but I don’t think you can right now, can you?"
The words should irritate you—no, they do irritate you—but any retort you might have had dissolves into a moan when he grinds his hips just right, hitting that devastating angle that makes your vision blur.
Your mind tries to fight back, to form some kind of response, something sharp and biting to remind him you’re not completely undone.
"Thought so," he says smugly, his teeth catching your bottom lip in a brief, punishing tug. His thrusts grow harder, more deliberate, and your head falls back against the cool surface of the island.
"You’ve been in your head all day, haven’t you? Spinning, overthinking. Let’s see if I can’t fuck all those thoughts right out of you."
You want to argue. But every time you’re on the verge of saying something, he pulls out nearly to the tip and drives back in, stealing the air from your lungs.
Fuck him.
Fuck this.
Why does he have to feel this fucking good?
"You’re too quiet, baby," he taunts, his hands shifting to grab at your waist, dragging you closer to the edge of the counter so he can pound into you even deeper.
The sharp slap of his skin against yours echoes in the room, drowning out your ragged breaths. "Where’s that smart mouth now? The one giving orders all day?"
Your fingers dig into his arms, desperate for something to ground you. "Lew" you manage to choke out, though your voice is barely audible over the obscene sounds of your bodies colliding.
"Don’t worry, I’m just getting started." he replies, a wicked grin spreading across his face. He adjusts his angle slightly, and the next thrust makes your toes curl and your back arch off the counter.
Your mind tries to claw back some semblance of control, some internal quip to distract from the overwhelming sensations, but it’s useless.
Every sharp comment that tries to form is obliterated the moment he moves, his hips driving into you with unrelenting precision.
"You feel that?" he growls, his voice rough with exertion. His hand slides up your stomach, between your breasts, until his fingers wrap lightly around your throat—just enough pressure to make your breath hitch.
"That’s me pulling you out of that head of yours. Don’t think, babe. Just feel."
You’re too far gone to respond, but he doesn’t need you to. His pace picks up, relentless and punishing, the rough drag of his cock against your walls pushing you closer and closer to the edge.
"Look at you," he murmurs, his tone darkly satisfied. "You’re mine right now, aren’t you? Just me and my cock on that pretty little head of your."
You can’t argue. You can’t even think of a reason to try. Your mind is blank, your body a live wire under his control, every nerve ending tuned to the rhythm he’s setting.
He leans down, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispers, "Let go for me. I’ve got you."
And with one more thrust—perfect, devastating, him—you do.
The world felt like it had shattered into fragments, each piece scattered too far for you to grasp.
You lay there on the cool counter, body limp, chest heaving, utterly boneless. Reality was an abstract concept—one you weren’t even sure you wanted to return to.
When Lewis pulled out, you barely noticed. It was only the warm sensation spreading across your stomach of his seed on your skin that registered somewhere deep in the recesses of your fogged mind.
But even that didn’t fully bring you back. Not yet.
It wasn’t until his hand cupped your cheek, thumb brushing lightly over your warmed up skin, that your senses began to reassemble themselves.
Your eyes fluttered open to find him watching you with satisfaction, his dark eyes searching your face. His curls damp with sweat, and his lips were swollen from all the kisses you’d stolen—or he’d stolen from you.
Either way, he looked unfairly good for someone who had just ruined you.
"Okay?" he murmured softly, his thumb pausing in its gentle stroke as he waited for your response.
You blinked up at him, still too blissed out to form words. Instead, you gave a slow, deliberate nod.
"Yeah?" he pressed, his voice dipping into that soothing tone he always used when you were at your most vulnerable. His other hand joined the first, cradling your face now, as if you might slip away if he wasn’t careful.
Another nod. Your lips parted to speak, but all that came out was a hoarse, barely-there whisper. "On my stomach?"
His lips quirked into a cocky grin, the sharp contrast to his earlier gentleness making you want to smack him—if you had the strength.
"A little souvenir" he echoed, his tone playful but still laced with warmth. He leaned closer, his nose brushing against yours. "Would you rather a creampie"
"Shut up," you muttered, your voice gaining a little strength now.
"You didn’t want me to shut up earlier," he teased, his thumbs sweeping over your cheekbones. "In fact, I think the words you used were—what was it?—‘fuck me senseless.’"
You groaned, letting your head fall back against the counter.
Lewis chuckled, the sound low and warm. "As long as you’re feeling better"
He kissed your forehead, soft and lingering, and you sighed, feeling a strange sense of peace settle over you. Your body was still thrumming from everything he’d done to you, but your mind—your perpetually spinning, overanalyzing mind—was finally still.
And damn it, as much as you hated to admit it, he’d been right.
"Yeah, yeah," you grumbled, closing your eyes again as his hand smoothed over your skin "Congrats. You shut me up."
"Didn’t shut you up" he corrected, his voice brimming with that maddening mix of confidence and affection. "Got you out of your head. Big difference."
Your eyes fluttered open, still hazy with the remnants of satisfaction, and found him staring down at you with a stupidly smug grin.
"Right," you muttered, voice scratchy, "I’m going to clean myself up." Your hand motioned lazily to the sticky trail now spreading down on your thighs, the remnants of him painting your skin.
Lewis stepped back, making no effort to stop you as you slid off the counter, your legs wobbling a little before you caught your balance. He leaned back against the counter, arms crossed, that same infuriatingly cocky smile plastered on his face.
As you padded down the hallway, you couldn’t shake the feeling of his eyes trailing after you. Halfway to your bedroom, you stopped abruptly, glancing over your shoulder to catch him watching you, leaning there like he didn’t have a care in the world.
"You coming, or are you just going to stand there?" you called back, one brow arching as you let your eyes rake over him for emphasis.
His grin widened, his gaze dipping shamelessly down your body. "I am coming," he replied, pushing off the counter with a slow, deliberate motion. "Just didn’t want to rush and miss the view."
You rolled your eyes and turned back around, but the small, satisfied smirk tugging at your lips betrayed you.
Typical him. Always cocky. Always exactly what you needed.
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#f1 imagine#f1 fanfic#f1 scenario#f1 x reader#lewis hamilton#lh#lh44#lewis#lewis x reader#lewis imagine#lewis hamilton smut#lewis hamilton fanfic#lewis hamilton x reader#lewis hamilton one shot#lewis hamilton imagine#lh44 x reader#lh44 imagine#lewis hamilton x you#ella1k
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I hate BPD so much, i hate it so much, i just want it to stop being like this.
I'll just go to sleep maybe I'll dream something nice but my god i hate my brain so much I don't even know who i am or what i need, i just want to feel okay i feel like im never enough for anyone. Im just tired and scared,ni hate how life isn't like the movies, i want my life to be a big fiction where im the protagonist, i watch movies and series and i just feel so much jealousy.
I wonder where my friends are, i wonder where my parents are. I wonder where's that childhood I've always wanted. I know I only have one chance to be alive and this is what i get? Remembering my childhood with a 8 year old me begging my mom to kill me bc i didn't want to keep being alive, i just wanted life to end at the tender age of 8 years old and my mom only laughed at me. And my dad doesn't even love me, he never did, i hate him so much as much as he hates me or even more. Idk what to do.
I ain't no perfect human, I'll never be as im sick since i was born and everywhere ill go I'll disgust everyone. Idk what to do anymore. I just want this suffering to stop. Talking isn't useful either, i just want some lovely arms to rest on and feel like I'm in the home i never had.
I hate to know how tough it is to have someone with mental illness as your friend or family, i hate to know im a burden and i hate to know that nobody will actually relate to any of my interests. The world should have stopped in 2015. i envy people that have friends and still do that bullshit of "no, im fine" and say internally "oh i love them, they're so lovely but I'll just keep quiet so i don't bother them" and their friends and family would die to know their state, selfish bullshit, i know you're sad and all but where tf did you get that idea??! I literally would die for your situation. My lord. I wish i could just have what you have. I wish i was skinny, i wish i was innocent, i wish i was a kid again and stop everything that's coming to me, i wish i had born somewhere else, i wish i wasn't me, i wish my brain wasn't like this, i wish nobody hated me, i wish i didn't hate everyone, i wish i could live, i wish my dad love me, i wish my family love me, i wish everyone love me, i wish i was a good person, i wish i was somewhere else.
I won't accept im 20 next year, I won't accept my life is ruined, I won't accept i am still alive.
I wanna be an idle teen. Something i couldn't even do. Im that autistic girl that died in her couch, that's me, it's just that nobody know it, nobody knows my parents don't care enough, nobody knows i drop off school bc of bullying and depression at 13 and that i rot in my bed.
The whole, "K*lling urself is a permanent solution to a temporary problem" bullshit is spouted by the ignorant lucky ones who have only had temporary problems. Some people's problems are permanent so maybe try offering actual help and support to them rather than regurgitating an overused phrase that means nothing to people with real struggles.
#Spotify#SoundCloud#adolescence didn't make sense#the ugly years of being a fool#diary post#actually bpd#bpd vent#vent#I'm fucked ip#hikineet#hikikomori
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Devour me whole.
pairings: vi x reader
warnings: smut, masturbation, service top!vi, switch!reader, angst with feelings, friends with benefits, overstimulation, sex toy use, strap on, teasing, gender neutral!reader, yearning
You were pissed.
It was past three am and Vi promised this time to be home at least at twelve the latest, but no. Three hours have gone by quicker than you'd liked as you sit on her bed waiting for her, you realise there’s no point anymore.
You should have left ages ago, you don’t know why you do this to yourself, waiting around for someone who doesn’t think about you unless she’s inside of you. You were just a quick fun for her, for anyone really, for a while you didn’t mind, you enjoyed it, the attention, the looks, how they loved your body, the people you’ve slept with and none of them have quite been like Vi.
It was a one night stand how you met her, it was the best fuck that you’ve ever had in so long, you have experienced both men and women and you’d definitely pick women now more than ever.
Vi was perfect, she’d always listen to you, even after you two fucked, take care of you if she was being a bit rough, you were always good with the whole no strings attached thing, yet here you were caught in a web of your own lies that you created. You don’t want to leave her place but you should, you don’t want to make things worse if she was in a bad mood, you know she’s been winning at the pit fights she’s been going to nonstop as of late. She's a good fighter and really skilled with her hands.
God you missed her so much.
You missed how she touched you, how gentle yet strong she feels, her hand wrapping around your throat, touching you slowly to torment you, teasing you constantly, knowing how bad you need it.
“Fuck it” you muttered, beginning to strip on Vi’s bed, taking off your shirt and sweats, you went to grab a box underneath her bed where she hides all the toys she uses, and you grab her personal favourite she likes to use on you, her pink long dildo, the amount of times she’s made you cum on that thing.
With how worked up you already felt, you didn’t even need to know just how wet you are, you laid back down onto her blanket, the smell of her scent lingering in her room overwhelms you. Easy enough, you were able to slip the dildo inside your pussy, starting to pump in and out, you moaned, your other free hand groping your tits the way she would. Your pace became faster the more you thought of her and what she’d do to you, you’ve always wanted to be caught by her, seeing the surprise in her eyes to see her good girl disobeying her in her own room.
And then the door swung open.
You were so fucking close, the pleasure building up more and more, your chest heaving, god you must have looked pathetic.
Vi stood at the end of the bed, watching you, she was caught off guard by this, but she knew you were most likely annoyed with her as she was late tonight, later than she promised. She felt bad, she was going to make it up to you because she cares about you, she really does.
She hasn’t told you how she feels about you yet.
You gasped when you saw her standing above you, in her black leather jacket and ripped jeans with chains hanging off of them, how good she looks, makes you more wet.
“Don’t stop,” she murmurs, her voice sending a chill down your spine as you feel her hands on your knees, forcing your legs to stay open, her eyes never leaving yours. “Show me how much this pussy needs me.”
You whined, pushing the strap deeper as deep as you can go, your back arching from the bed, you whimpered, your moans becoming louder as you fuck yourself harder.
It was only when you were reaching the breaking point, vi’s hands wrapped around yours, taking it out that easily, your juices covered in it as you whimpered, watching her lick it clean.
She throws it over the bed and leans down, a single lick to your cunt causes you to break almost immediately, your body reacts before you could even think.
“Please” you begged, your eyes meeting her stare, her gaze filled with lust and want. “Please, vi.”
She grins, enjoying this way too much as you are too. She's focused on you now, that's all you've wanted, all her attention on you and only you. She places her hands on your thighs, gripping them as she licks up your pussy, devouring you whole.
She makes you cum over and over, till your shedding tears, your cheeks wet, your body exhausted, fucked out, and she's taking her sweet time pleasuring you, that's all she wanted to do, make you feel good, make you hers.
She never wanted to get rid of the taste of you.
Ever.
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critical role ships as hozier songs
vax / keyleth : francesca
percy / vex : work song
pike / scanlan : foreigner's god
fjord / jester : nobody
beau / yasha : as it was
caleb / essek : from eden
imogen / laudna : NFWMB
orym / dorian : like real people do
ashton / fearne : dinner & diatribes
specific lyrics that i feel like represent the pairings under the cut!
vax / keyleth : francesca
how could you think, darling, i'd scare so easily?
my life was a storm, since i was born, how could i fear any hurricane?
if i could hold you for a minute, darling, i'd go through it again
it was too soon, when that part of you was ripped away
i would not change it each time, heaven is not fit to house a love like you and i
percy / vex : work song
when my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth, no grave can hold my body down, i'll crawl home to her
and i was burning up a fever, i didn't care much how long i lived
but i swear, i thought i dreamed her, she never asked me once about the wrong i did
if the lord don't forgive me, i'd still have my baby and my babe would have me
in the low lamplight, i was free, heaven and hell were words to me
pike / scanlan : foreigner's god
she moved with shameless wonder, the perfect creature rarely seen
her eyes look sharp and steady into the empty parts of me
wondering who i copy, mustering some tender charm
breaking if i try conveying, the broken love i make to her
fjord / jester : nobody
i'd be appalled if i saw you ever try to be a saint, i wouldn't fall for someone i thought couldn't misbehave
but i've had no love like your love from nobody
if i had the choice between hearing either noise, the excitement of a thousand, or the soothing of your voice
and on the other side, why should we deny the truth? we could have less to worry about, honey, i won't lie to you
beau / yasha : as it was
and in a few days i will be there, love, whatever here that's left of me is yours, just as it was
the lights were as bright as my baby, but your love was unmoved
tell me if, somehow, some of it remains, how long you would wait for me and how long i've been away
the shape that i'm in now, your shape in the doorway, make your good love known to me or just tell me about your day
and the nights were as dark as my baby, and half as beautiful too
caleb / essek : from eden
there's something tragic about you, something so magic about you, don't you agree?
honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago
innocence died screaming, honey, ask me, i should know
there's something broken about this, but i might be hoping about this
a rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree
imogen / laudna : NFWMB
give your heart and soul to charity, cause the rest of you, the best of you, honey, belongs to me
ain't it a gentle sound, the rolling in the graves?
if i was born as a blackthorn tree, i'd wanna be felled by you, held by you, fuel the pyre of your enemies
ain't it the life of you, your lightning of the blaze?
orym / dorian : like real people do
i will not ask you where you came from, i will not ask and neither should you
i know that look, dear, eyes always seeking, was there in someone that dug long ago
honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips, we should just kiss like real people do
ashton / fearne : dinner & diatribes
i knew well from our first hookup, the look of mischief in your eyes
your friends are a fate that befell me, hell is the talking type, i'd suffer hell if you'd tell me what you'd do to me tonight
honey, i laugh when it sinks in, a pillar i am, upright
now that the evening is slowing, now that the end's in sight, honey, it's easier knowing what you'd do to me tonight
oh, let there be hotel complaints and grievances raised and that kind of love
#for simplicity i only did pc romances that are canon and requited#so like yes beau and caleb both had crushes on jester but they had official relationships with other people#zero shade to any non canon ships i am a proud multishipper these were just my thoughts#critical role#vox machina#mighty nein#bells hells#vaxleth#percahlia#pikelan#fjorester#beauyasha#shadowgast#imodna#dorym#callowmoore#keyleth#keyleth of the air ashari#vax'ildan#percy de rolo#vex'ahlia#scanlan shorthalt#pike trickfoot#fjord stone#jester lavorre#beau lionett#yasha nydoorin#caleb widogast#essek thelyss#imogen temult
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Act 3 Thoughts
Watched Wicked, came home, waited 20 minutes, binged Act 3. I do not recommend this lifestyle. Anyway...
I was so satisfied with where we ended up, but I would have also appreciated about 20 minutes to an hour more. It felt like some beats were skipped over, they wanted to get to specific endings and didn't have the time to wrap them up as neatly as I would've liked.
Maddie is a good example. She's a plant for Ambessa, okay but when and why did she become one? She couldn't have been one before Cait being named commander and when we next see her she's pushing for Cait to take power back from Ambessa. Did Ambessa just message her right after Cait and Vi started working together again as like a "the woman you love's actual love is back in the picture, you can either wallow or get revenge with me", but also made a smarmy remark about Cait 'at least being warm' or something. We didn't need to absolve Cait or villainize Maddie for their 'relationship' because they didn't even have a relationship-just a coping mechanism for Cait, similar to Vi's drinking. At best it was all unnecessary and at worst a waste of time.
Away from that, I want to focus on some good.
I am officially a JayVik shipper now. Them disappearing into a void together, encircled with each other, after Viktor spend however long within timelines/multiverses in hopes of finding a Jayce able to bring him back to his humanity? Come on, they needed to kiss. Especially after Jayce and Mel's low key break up. Honestly we were denied the three of them working together, because they would have been unstoppable.
Speaking of Mel, I love her. I love her design, her powers, her matricide, her taking command of Ambessa's armies, etc. I wish we could have seen more of her adapting to her new powers, finding peace with what she now is. There could have been a cool interaction with Viktor over how Arcane power has changed them both for better and worse.
I don't think Mel's story is done. With other characters, I can see them coming in for future story arcs as like, cameos or background details, but if the next LoL story is in Noxus I fully expect Mel to be a major player again.
Back to Jayce. I like Jayce, that could be my Arcane hot take, and I definitely want to write something more in depth on him. On all the characters really. For now, I'll just say that his determination to destroy everything he has built, because the only creation worth saving is his relationship with Viktor is just... glorious.
Viktor was amazing. I love Viktor in the lore, and they took his traits from the lore and amped them up to eleven. His body being destroyed and rebuilt, the process of which has chipped away his humanity and mutilated his dreams. He lives up to his own quote: "In the pursuit of great, we failed to do good. We have to make it right."
Ekko is a character I never realize I miss. That sounds mean, it probably is, but I am never the less so happy to see him every time. It's like finding the missing piece you didn't even know was lost: that is Ekko to me. His mini adventure in the parallel universe was adorable. Us getting to see what could've been alongside learning what matters most to Ekko, him getting a taste of a near perfect life and still choosing to return to his own time. That's why Ekko is the true hero of this story.
In terms of Jinx, I'll just say I'm not a hundred percent sure she's dead. The airship leaving at the end followed by her scribbled sign off, plus not getting a dead body shot. It was definitely left open ended. Her looking to do something good, to not mess up, alongside her fear of not wanting to try again because she is just tired of failure, of being a Jinx, was too real in many ways. I will go in depth on her at a later date.
Caitlyn's arc is going to be argued about, no question. It needed more time (see the start of this long post) to make her point of her anger burning away, of it not being sustainable, hit harder. I would have made her realize what her anger was doing to Vi, have Jinx point out that they really are acting the same in their treatment of Vi, and use the whole Ambessa was literally stoking the fires of her hatred to help fit what time they had left. Honestly just have Cait learn Ambessa was the one behind the memorial attack, that would be a much better way to explain her anger diminishing enough to look beyond her own hurt to realize and take account of her mistakes.
Vi, as usual, needed more screen time. Not necessarily because her story would've been helped by it like in act two, but just because I wanted her to have more time to enjoy her life. I went into act three with the sole hope that Vi would have a nice day, only for her to loose everything again. The only people she has left are Cait and Ekko, and god help anyone who tries something against those too now. Her ending being the chance to finally rest, to lean on someone else, was beautiful. She is my favorite character and please let her have only good things in the future, she was traumatized in almost every scene this season please-
Nobody tell Vi that in a universe where she died young everyone else ended up living. It would destroy her.
Vi and Cait relationship was great. I wouldn't say it was rushed in act three, because it felt like it was where it should be for a final batch of episodes, if that makes sense. It felt like the set up was Cait being genuinely remorseful and Vi just wanting someone in her life who wanted her in return. It helps that they have great chemistry and that when given the chance they fit so neatly together. I think Jinx encouraging Vi to be with Cait is what sold it to me. Jinx realizing how much Vi has given/sacrificed and giving her blessing for her sister to be happy with someone she disapproves of; not to mention Cait pulling the guards from their posts to give Vi the chance to actually meet Jinx in order to have that conversation. All in all, it comes down to Vi's "I don't care" because that's really all there is too it for them. Vi is done being miserable and Cait makes her happy, vice versa. Cait is someone Vi can rely on, Vi is someone Cait can find strength in.
Spitfire round:
Sevika being made a councilor
Every single one of Mel, Cait, and Jayce's designs were 10/10s
Vi not being given an actual uniform, just armor and the gloves
Jinx cutting her hair further to match Vi
Ekko getting his crystal sword/bats
Heimerdinger dying after living a life where he could make his city something to be proud of
I was fully expecting Vander and Silco to kiss in that one shot
Everything with Benzo
Loris' name being said
Vi humming the song and the song being their mother's lullaby
Viktor being held within the Herald
Sky leaving so Viktor was free to bring Jayce to his space mind palace
Caitlyn's rifle never surviving
Fishman McBlue being the only one of Cait's soldiers to stick to his guns and stay loyal
Sevika and Shoola side eyeing each other
Vander and little Vi and Powder with the bunny
The bunny being a passenger on Jinx's balloon
Singed's messed up family getting a happy ending
#arcane league of legends#arcane#arcane thoughts#arcane season two#arcane s2#arcane spoilers#caitlyn kiramman#ambessa medarda#mel medarda#jayce talis#viktor arcane#jayvik#vi arcane#caitvi#jinx arcane#ekko#ekko arcane#this is all preemptive to some bigger arcane thesis i wanna write for each character#so long as a i remember to do so#wicked was good btw#but seriously wicked and arcane back to back was not my best idea for my mental health
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We have found a better dream. Drowning in words AND Thighs. Rather than drowning because of words, and seeking thighs because of them.
Now the words are also thighs...or whatever.
I know my language is really physical. But at the end of the day even through the concept of 'Sexy', I'm just rewording the feeling of peace that cuteness, and curvyness...and...
Pfff...
All we can feel when we are around her is how much I want her close, and I just freeze because life is so busy...no space to feel...only space to be, y'know?
I'm there but everydayness takes our feelings like the day's due...
Again...am I really tired? Or maybe we haven't found a ritual to keep that peace as we return home from modernity.
Always seeking a cause, and I believe in Khaos. The irony that we can't just feel out when it's okay to stop, because if a cause wasn't found in X amount of efforts then maybe it was acausal; it just happened, move on; it happens, and in that moment of freedom because sometimes fault is impossible...it means that there can be perfect moments only fogged up because of our mind that refuses beauty to exist inside it because it is not beautiful to itself.
DRAAAAMAAAAA. HAHAHAHA.
Hahahahaha.
Shed your past, and scream into the eternal void.
Maris Piper ♡
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Tie That Binds.
Minho adjusted his tie for the third time, frowning at his reflection in the mirror. Weddings were supposed to be joyous occasions, weren’t they? Celebrations of love, laughter, and promises of forever? Yet, here he was, standing in an impeccably tailored suit, about to marry a woman he barely knew, feeling anything but joyous. His reflection stared back at him, the crease between his brows deepening with every second. The tie felt like a noose.
“Stop sulking, hyung,” came Changbin’s teasing voice from the doorway. He leaned against the frame, arms crossed, an amused smirk tugging at his lips. “You look good. A real scholarly heartthrob.”
Minho shot him a glare that would have silenced most people. Changbin, however, was immune. “I’m not sulking,” Minho muttered under his breath, though even he didn’t believe the words. His fingers tugged at the tie again.
“You’re brooding, then,” Changbin replied cheerfully. “Brooding scholar. It’s a vibe.”
Minho sighed, the sound heavy with resignation. His mind wasn’t in the room; it was too busy turning over the absurdity of his situation. Years spent lecturing on logic, dissecting literature, and championing the idea of individual agency had somehow led him to this moment—a meticulously arranged marriage, orchestrated by his mother and some aunt whose face he couldn’t even remember.
“Can’t back out now,” Changbin added, pushing off the doorframe with a grin. “Unless you want to send all the guests home and deal with your mother’s wrath. And trust me, hyung, I’ll be the first to sell popcorn and watch that drama unfold.”
Minho shot him a flat look but said nothing. Changbin wasn’t wrong. Backing out wasn’t an option, not when the woman he was about to marry came with glowing recommendations. A surgeon, his mother had informed him with a delighted clap of her hands. Accomplished, brilliant, kind, and apparently drop-dead gorgeous. The perfect daughter-in-law material, in other words. His family had done everything short of hanging her résumé on the wall like a trophy.
“Here goes nothing,” he muttered under his breath, grabbing his blazer. As he shrugged it on, he couldn’t help but feel like he was stepping into a role he hadn’t auditioned for—a leading man in a play where the script had been written long before he entered the stage.
Y/N’s palms were sweating, and no amount of discreetly dabbing them with the edge of her dress seemed to help. She stood at the altar, her heart pounding in her chest, as the murmur of guests filled the room. Her eyes flitted to the door, waiting for Minho to appear.
For the past week, her life had been a whirlwind of surgeries, late-night meetings with wedding planners, and answering endless texts from her mother. It felt surreal, like she’d been thrown into someone else’s dream wedding—one she hadn’t exactly volunteered for.
“Why am I doing this?” she whispered to her best friend, who stood beside her in a pastel bridesmaid dress, looking far too amused for Y/N’s liking.
“Because your parents threatened to disown you if you didn’t at least try,” her friend whispered back with a barely-contained laugh.
Y/N rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. It was true. Despite all her achievements, she was still that shy little girl seeking her family’s approval. Being a world-class surgeon hadn’t changed that. The wedding might have been their idea, but here she was, going through with it because walking away felt too much like failure.
Her thoughts scattered like confetti the moment the doors opened. Minho stepped in, and everything else seemed to fade into the background. He was tall, lean, and devastatingly handsome. His black hair was styled to perfection, framing his sharp features. His suit hugged him like it had been crafted by someone who understood the definition of precision, and the air of quiet confidence he exuded was enough to make her breath hitch.
Her best friend let out a low whistle, leaning closer. “Okay, I take it back. If you don’t marry him, I might.”
“Shut up,” Y/N hissed.
Married life was... odd, to say the least.
Minho spent his days teaching university students, delving into the intricacies of Shakespeare and Kafka. Y/N spent hers in a hospital, saving lives and dealing with emergencies that left her too drained to care about trivial things like cooking or cleaning.
They had an unspoken routine:
Y/N would come home late, exhausted, and Minho would have dinner waiting for her.
Minho would stay up grading papers while she crashed on the couch, sometimes falling asleep mid-sentence while recounting her day.
They’d exchange polite “good mornings” and “have a nice days,” but deeper conversations were rare.
It wasn’t awkward, per se—just... unfamiliar.
Over the weeks that followed, something shifted.
Minho started texting her during the day, little things like, Don’t skip lunch, or Did you sleep last night?
Y/N found herself bringing home snacks for him, claiming she’d picked them up on a whim, though she’d actually spent way too much time in the store debating which ones he’d like.
They started watching movies together on weekends, bickering over genres. Minho preferred psychological dramas; Y/N loved rom-coms.
“You seriously think this is funny?” Minho groaned one night, watching the lead actor trip over a series of increasingly ridiculous obstacles.
“It’s hilarious,” Y/N shot back, laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes.
Minho rolled his eyes but didn’t miss the way her laugh made his chest feel warm.
…
“You know,” Minho said, leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed, “I didn’t think married life would mean sharing my coffee stash with someone who performs literal surgeries before I even wake up.”
You glanced up from the stove, where you were stirring scrambled eggs for the both of you. "I didn’t think it’d mean coming home to someone who alphabetizes their bookshelf and gets irrationally angry when one book is out of place.”
“Touch my books again, and it’ll be war."
You rolled your eyes, biting back a smile. “Good morning to you too, husband.”
The word still felt foreign. You’d been married for three months now, after a whirlwind of family introductions and a mutual agreement that, while neither of you believed in love at first sight, you could give companionship a chance. He was a literature professor, calm and composed with a sharp wit, and you were a surgeon, thriving on adrenaline and precision. Two opposites in every sense of the word, now sharing the same roof and calling it home.
“Don’t burn the eggs,” Minho teased as he set the table, placing his usual cup of black coffee at your spot.
“They’re perfect, thank you very much,” you replied, sliding the pan off the burner. “Unlike someone’s last attempt at cooking pasta.”
Minho feigned offense. “Excuse me, my pasta was avant-garde.”
“It was burnt.”
The morning ritual of trading barbs had quickly become your favorite part of this arrangement. Despite the awkwardness of the early days, you’d found a rhythm. You respected each other’s space, cheered each other on, and occasionally stole moments like this—warm and light, like the eggs you plated and brought to the table.
Minho sipped his coffee, glancing at you. “Long shift today?”
“Not too bad. Just six hours,” you said. “You?”
“Grading papers,” he said with a grimace. “Seventy essays on whether The Great Gatsby is a love story or a cautionary tale.”
“Ah, the joys of shaping young minds,” you teased.
Minho shook his head, but his smirk softened. He looked at you for a moment longer, his expression unreadable. “You’re really good at this, you know.”
“At what? Mocking you?”
“That too,” he admitted, “but I meant… this. Us.”
You froze, caught off guard. He wasn’t usually this candid. “I guess we’re both trying,” you said, feeling your cheeks warm.
“I’d say we’re succeeding,” Minho said, reaching out to steal a bite of your eggs with his fork. “Even if you do insist on putting ketchup on your eggs, like a heathen.”
“Hey!” you laughed, swatting his hand away.
The truth was, Minho had a knack for sneaking past your defenses. Whether it was his quiet attentiveness when you came home exhausted or the way he made sure to send you texts during your long shifts (“Don’t forget to eat. And drink water. And sleep. I’m grading your habits, 2/10 so far”), he was making it harder not to fall for him.
As you cleaned up the dishes together, Minho cleared his throat. “By the way, my department’s hosting a dinner next week. Spouses are invited.”
“Oh,” you said, your heart skipping a beat. “Am I—?”
“You’re coming,” he interrupted, looking at you like it wasn’t even a question. “I need someone to laugh at my jokes when my colleagues inevitably talk about Chaucer.”
You snorted. “You’re assuming your jokes will be funny.”
He leaned closer, his voice low. “I don’t need them to be funny. I just need you there.”
Your breath caught, but Minho had already turned away, heading to his study. “Have a good day at work, Dr. Ketchup.”
“Have fun with Gatsby, Professor Burnt Pasta,” you called after him, hiding your grin.
You stood in the kitchen for a moment, fingers brushing the counter where his hand had been seconds ago. Maybe this marriage wasn’t just about making it work. Maybe, just maybe, it could be something more.
(You couldn’t make it to the party, an emergency surgery happened, you apologised though, his colleagues were a bit too sad when you didn’t make it)
It was supposed to be a peaceful Sunday morning for Minho—his one precious day to lounge in sweatpants, sip coffee, and enjoy the rare luxury of a slow, uneventful routine. He had even entertained the idea of making you breakfast before you left for work, something simple yet thoughtful. But fate, as always, had other plans.
A sharp knock on the door disrupted his rare moment of domestic bliss. With a heavy sigh, he dragged himself away from the stove, glancing warily at the pan on low heat. As he shuffled to the door, half-asleep, he wondered who could possibly be bothering him on his sacred day off.
The door creaked open, revealing Felix, one of his students, standing there in all his youthful glory. A textbook was tucked under his arm, his expression bright and hopeful.
“Professor Lee!” Felix greeted, his tone unnaturally chipper for a Sunday.
Minho blinked slowly, still processing the intrusion. “Felix? What are you doing here?”
“You said you’d help with my essay on Sunday,” Felix reminded him, his tone tentative but insistent.
Minho racked his brain, piecing together fragmented memories from office hours. “Right…” he muttered, groaning internally. He vaguely remembered agreeing to it but hadn’t expected Felix, the popular, gossip-loving, poster-child of charm, to actually follow through. “Yeah, come in.”
As Felix stepped inside, his eyes scanned the space with open curiosity. It was his first time seeing his professor’s home, and it wasn’t what he expected. The cozy, lived-in atmosphere seemed at odds with Minho’s perpetually serious demeanor in class. His attention was quickly snagged by a pair of stylish, feminine glasses sitting on the coffee table. Girlfriend? Felix wondered, tilting his head.
Before he could dwell on the thought, the distinct sound of heels clicking against the floor made him freeze. A moment later, you emerged from the hallway, dressed sharply for work. Felix’s eyebrows shot up, his thoughts immediately scrambling for an explanation. You blinked, just as surprised to see someone new in the living room. “Oh,” you said, your tone polite but slightly off-guard. “Hi.”
Felix, now officially overwhelmed, managed to blurt out, “Hello”, he said, before his gaze flickered back to the coffee table, then to you, as he didn’t know how to address you.
No way, he thought, it’s the doctor who came on news for saving a K-pop idol, from almost death.
“Minho!” you called, turning your head toward the kitchen. “Is this one of your students?”
Felix, his curiosity reaching critical levels, edged closer to the source of your voice. Peeking into the kitchen, he found Minho by the stove, a pan in hand. Smoke curled lazily upward, and the sharp scent of burning food filled the air.
“Minho,” you said, stepping into the kitchen with an incredulous laugh, “are you burning food again?”
Minho startled, nearly dropping the pan. “I’m not burning it! I’m… enhancing the flavor,” he argued, his tone defensive.
“Enhancing?” you repeated with a laugh. “Minho, cooking is about creating something edible, not staging a kitchen fire. It’s amazing how often you mix those two up.”
“I was trying to make you something before you left for the hospital,” he muttered, clearly embarrassed but reluctant to admit defeat.
Your playful smile softened at his admission. Gently, you reached over to turn off the stove. “That’s sweet, but maybe stick to teaching literature instead of culinary experiments.”
Felix, lurking just out of sight, stared wide-eyed as you roasted him. The banter, the easy familiarity—it all added up. They’re married?
“Go sit down,” you told Minho, nudging him out of the kitchen. “I’ll make something quick before I leave.”
Minho grumbled under his breath but obeyed, brushing past Felix on his way back to the living room. Felix hurried to take a seat, trying to appear nonchalant, though his mind was racing.
When you passed through the room moments later, coffee in hand, you offered Felix a warm smile. “Nice meeting you. Don’t give him too hard of a time with your questions.”
Felix nodded mutely, watching you leave. The moment the door shut behind you, he turned to Minho, who had returned with two glasses of juice.
“Professor…” Felix began slowly, his voice thick with disbelief. “Is she your wife?”
Minho raised an eyebrow as he sipped his juice. “Yes. Why?”
Felix blinked rapidly, struggling to reconcile this new information. “No reason,” he mumbled, though his expression betrayed his shock.
Moments later, you returned to the hallway, adjusting your bag over your shoulder. Minho met you by the door, leaning casually against the frame.
“Don’t overwork yourself,” he said softly, brushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear.
“I’ll try,” you replied, a familiar warmth in your voice. You both knew it was a promise you likely wouldn’t keep.
Felix, still reeling from the day’s revelations, hovered awkwardly nearby. As you stepped outside, he called out suddenly, “Have a good day, Mrs. Lee!”
You froze, the unexpected title catching you off guard. It wasn’t unpleasant—just unfamiliar. Slowly, you turned, offering Felix a polite but flustered smile. “Uh… you too,” you managed before hurrying to your car.
Minho chuckled, leaning casually against the doorframe as he watched you leave. “Mrs. Lee, huh?” he mused aloud, mostly to himself, a faint smile tugging at his lips. “I like the sound of that.”
Felix, now thoroughly overwhelmed, buried his face in his hands. Sundays, he realised, were never as peaceful as they seemed.
Minho shook his head, walking back inside. “Come on, let’s get to your essay before you start narrating this like a drama.”
The next day at school, Felix did exactly that.
Felix leaned forward dramatically, hands splayed wide as he began recounting his Sunday adventure to a growing crowd of curious students in the cafeteria. His voice, filled with excitement, caught the attention of several nearby tables, each eager to hear more.
"Guys, listen up," he said, flashing a grin. "You won’t believe what I saw at Professor Lee’s house yesterday."
A few students glanced at each other, intrigued, as Felix's words hung in the air. He leaned in, lowering his voice just enough to keep everyone hanging on his every syllable. "So, I went to his place for some essay help, right? And the first thing I notice when I walk in is this super cozy vibe. You know, soft lighting, a hint of fresh coffee... real domestic bliss. But then—then, I spot these feminine glasses on the table."
Hyunjin, who had been lounging back in his chair, rolled his eyes. "What’s so weird about glasses?" he asked, unimpressed.
Felix raised a finger, signaling that this story was about to take a turn. "Wait for it. So, as I’m trying to figure out who’s glasses they are, out walks this stunning woman. She’s in full professional attire—like, the whole deal. She’s walking like, like a CEO walking into an important meeting. And guess what? She’s his wife. Dr. Y/N. The surgeon."
Hyunjin blinked, his expression shifting from indifference to shock. “His what?” he practically shouted, hands flying to cover his mouth as his eyes widened.
The murmurs of disbelief spread like wildfire among the crowd, each person leaning in a little closer, straining to catch every word.
"You’re making this up," Jisung said skeptically, shaking his head as he crossed his arms.
Felix smirked, leaning back in his seat with an air of triumph. "I’m not! They’re so romantic, it’s almost nauseating. I’m telling you, it’s like one of those cheesy rom-coms. He even tried to cook for her."
"Professor Lee? Cooking?" Hyunjin scoffed loudly, half-laughing in disbelief. "That man lives off convenience store meals. There's no way he was cooking anything decent."
Felix leaned in closer, lowering his voice for effect. The group went quiet, eager to hear the juicy detail. "He burned it," he said, his face full of mock sympathy.
The table erupted in laughter, the absurdity of the image painting a perfect picture in everyone's minds.
"But that’s not even the best part!" Felix exclaimed, practically bouncing in his seat. "No, no. The best part is how she roasted him. And I mean roasted him. And then, do you know what he said? He said he was trying to make something special for her before she left for work. I mean, come on—imagine that. Your husband burns breakfast out of love for you. Isn’t that just... romantic?"
Jisung couldn’t help himself and muttered, "That doesn’t sound romantic. That sounds tragic."
Felix ignored him, continuing with the fervor of someone who had just witnessed the most entertaining drama. "And the way they bantered? Oh my god, guys, it was like something out of a rom-com. She laughed at him, and he got all offended but secretly pleased—it was like watching this whole love story unfold before my eyes. You would think they had a love marriage, not some arranged one."
Hyunjin raised an eyebrow, clearly intrigued now. "Wait, they’re in an arranged marriage?" he asked, trying to wrap his mind around it.
Felix nodded solemnly, as if he were revealing some deep, hidden truth. "Yeah. But you’d never know. The way they looked at each other, the way they interacted—if I didn’t know any better, I’d say they were madly in love."
By now, half the cafeteria was hanging on Felix’s every word, the whole campus’s girls were there(for felix’s charm) of course.
And, as expected, the rumors began to spread like wildfire. What started as Felix’s casual recounting of a Sunday visit quickly turned into a full-fledged mystery. Everyone was dying to know more about Professor Lee’s mysterious wife—and, more importantly, if they could have a glimpse into this romance that Felix had so dramatically described.
…
Minho was halfway through grading essays in the faculty lounge when his colleague, Chan, approached him with a mischievous grin.
“Hey, Minho,” Chan started, plopping down in the seat across from him.
“What?” Minho asked without looking up.
“So… I heard some interesting things about you and your wife,” Chan said casually, his tone laced with amusement.
Minho froze, his pen hovering over a student’s paper, Felix’s. “What things?”
“Oh, nothing major,” Chan said, feigning innocence. “Just that you’re apparently head over heels for her, cooking her breakfast and all that. Burnt, of course.”
Minho’s eyes traveled through the paper in his hands and it clicked. “Felix.”
Chan laughed. “So it’s true?”
“Partially,” Minho muttered. “He came over to the house for essay help and caught us in the middle of a normal morning.”
“Normal?” Chan raised an eyebrow. “Apparently, you’re living in a K-drama.”
“Don’t start,” Minho groaned.
Chan grinned, leaning forward. “Come on, though. Is it true you tried to cook for her?”
Minho hesitated before muttering, “I might have… attempted.”
Chan burst out laughing. “Wow, you really are whipped. I didn’t think you had it in you, Minho.”
Minho shot him a glare. “It’s not like that.”
“Sure it’s not,” Chan said, smirking. “But, honestly, it’s nice to see you so… happy. You’re usually such a grump.”
Minho rolled his eyes but didn’t argue. Instead, he picked up his pen and went back to grading(maybe unfairly) , pretending not to notice the smug look on Chan’s face.
As Chan got up to leave, he clapped Minho on the shoulder. “By the way, I think Felix might be your biggest fan now. Watch out, or he’ll start writing a romance novel about you two.”
Minho groaned, but a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips.
Meanwhile, you were eating lunch with your colleagues, when a message from Minho popped up.
Minho: Felix told half the campus we’re madly in love. You: We’re not? Minho: That’s not the point. You: It’s not a bad rumor to have, Professor Lee. 😉
Minho stared at the screen, shaking his head. Felix might’ve been overly dramatic, but maybe the kid wasn’t entirely wrong.
#skz#stray kids#skz imagines#skz x reader#fics#lee know#skz scenarios#skz lee know#lee know fics#lee know x reader#straykids lee know#minho imagines fluff#minho fics#stray kids minho
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˗ˏˋ MORNINGS WITH THEM ˎˊ˗
including: kita shinsuke, bokuto kōtarō, suna rintarō, kuroo tetsurō, iwaizumi hajime. genre/warnings: it's all fluff i think. a/n: i really want to start posting more things so pls feel welcome to drop suggestions on my asks hehe.
kita — your mornings start before the sun shines, your body feels the movement beside you when kita decides it’s time to start the day. the feeling of emptiness on the bed is enough to wake you up and join him in the kitchen, a soft peck on the lips, and a quiet “morning” greet you every day. while the sun rises above the sky and the soft light enters the room, you can feel the warmth in your chest because looking at the man you love cooking for you while the birds sing their first songs is the best way to start your day.
bokuto — the usually loud voice of bokuto is calmer in the mornings, whispering a good morning while he hugs you and keeps you warm between his (beefy) arms is comforting in many ways; those moments at the start of the day are irreplaceable. soft hums of discomfort rumble under your ear, and the way he holds you tighter when you try to get up makes you giggle every day, it’s a routine, no matter how many days pass, mornings are always the same lovely fight.
suna — mornings are lazy, with neither of you wanting to leave the bed, it’s kind of hard to start the day, but you’re always the first one to move. you struggle to get up when his arms are around you, the words “it should be a crime to get up” sound every morning at 7:40 am. you have to fight to get him up, but when he’s finally on his feet, you get yourself a child. he follows you to the bathroom, then to the kitchen, standing there waiting for the daily morning kiss you give him when breakfast is ready, and it’s just after that when your favorite middle blocker wakes up.
kuroo — mornings with him are never the same, on the weekdays he’s usually the first one to wake up. with his arms hugging your waist and his lips leaving soft pecks on your face you open your eyes to see his face first thing in the morning. but on the weekends it is the other way around, your hands caressing his face, your voice murmuring a quiet “morning” when it is already noon is the first thing he loves to hear. breakfast in bed and movies as background sound for your weekly gossip session is something you love to have, and every morning is different, even though you’re both the same. iwaizumi— your mornings are comforting, neither of you is much of a morning person and that’s more than perfect. with a battle of rock, paper, scissors you decide who’s the one in charge of breakfast. he lets you win every time just to see your smile, and you pretend to not know that because you enjoy seeing him shirtless in the kitchen (and who doesn’t?). between laughs and smiles, a few kisses are exchanged, a few i love you’s are muttered and lots of love is visible in the comfort of your home. and so your day begins, with iwaizumi hajime by your side.
rbs and comments are really appreciated!
#kita x reader#bokuto x reader#suna x reader#kuroo x reader#iwaizumi x reader#kita x you#bokuto x you#suna x you#kuroo x you#iwaizumi x you#kita headcanons#bokuto headcanons#suna headcanons#kuroo headcanons#iwaizumi headcanons#hq x reader#hq x you#hq headcanons#haikyuu headcanons#:: the vault.
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Fic Finder
Nov 21st
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1. Hello! I'm trying to find a fic that I've read a long time ago. it was a modern/reincarnation au where Wei Ying is hired at an academy as a (history?) teacher but is unaware that the academy that hired him is actually a modern cultivation school where they practice cultivation secretly and learn the history of the canon mdzs timeline... Also Wei Ying can see ghosts/spirits. Thanks! @sheepie9967
FOUND? Retrouvaille by wxparoxysm (T, 75k, WIP, WangXian, XiCheng, Modern)
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2. Hi, I am looking for a smut fic. Lan Zhan is having an orgy with multiple versions of Wèi Wúxiàn, including a yiling laozu version, and Lan Zhan is pregnant. Eventually even more Wei Yings show up.
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3. Hello!! I am trying to find a WangXian fanfiction, but I really can't seem to find it. From what I remember, it was an arranged marriage when they were about fifteen, they haven't met each other yet as it was pre-cloud recesses study arc. The Gusu Lan Sect came to Lotus Pier to negotiate the betrothal. WWX made a condition before accepting it, he wanted to duel LWJ to see if he was worthy or not. I think it also has some JFM, YZY critical/bashing/canon characteristics. @lonelynebula5149
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4. Hi so this fic is that wwx take Wēn Yuàn to Jin ling 100 month celebration with him and there's this particular scene where he comes in jin tower with Jin what's his face that has the 100 souls curse and the peacock
And Wēn Yuàn was clutching his robes and they were all arguing until leader Nie shuts everyone up and then Ask wwx to show them his chest so wwx hands his little radish too the ghost general and show everyone his chest that's a scene that I could simply remember @constancebloodstone
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5. Hiiii! Hope you're having a great day/night! So I've looking for this one particular fic in which wy see lz with a woman who had her hand around his elbow while walking together on night then smells some foreign sweet smell on him in another night plus lz keeps coming home late so he starts thinking that lz is cheating on him but instead of getting angry he feels hurt and start blaming himself and thinking ofc lz is perfect so he deserves someone just as perfect and beautiful and eventually he confronts lz about it then find out that he was just escorting an elder Immortal ancestor wtv and spending time with her before she chose to end her Immortality since she lost her will to live after all her beloved ones died during her seclusion
FOUND! White Flag by incendir (T, 37k, WangXian, NHS/NZH, OMC/ OMC)
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6. Thank you for existing! I'm looking for a fic, modern au, where it turns out the reason Wei Ying got hit by a car (I think it was a car) was because he's deaf/hard of hearing on one ear so he didn't hear it coming. The cause of his damaged hearing is physical abuse from Madam Yu. Please help! @ilolatthis
FOUND! misunderstood 'verse by sysrae (M, 7k, WangXian, Modern, College/University, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, getting hit by cars, Past Child Abuse, Friends to Lovers, Abusive YZY, Caring LWJ, Injured WWX, partial hearing loss, the real OTP is everyone x therapy)
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7. I'm begging you to help me. I cannot for the life of me find the fic in which Lan Zhan has been asked by his brother to act in a PSA that Xichen wants to film at school, where he works. Xichen always ends up having sex with everyone at work, so when Wei Ying, a teacher at the school, comes in as Lan Zhan's scene partner, Lan Zhan assumes Xichen and Wei Ying have slept together. The PSA is about global warming, carbon emissions, etc. They shoot the scene several times and each time they get increasingly familiar with each other. The shooting ends with Wei Ying asking Lan Zhan out.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP
FOUND! Worship you till morning comes by feyburner (E, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, Meet-Cute, First Dates, First Time, Fluff, Kissing, Hand Jobs, Falling In Love)
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8. Hi! I only remember one specific scene from the story I'm looking for. Modern AU, JC and WWX are yelling at each other, and JC says something like "where did you get these stupid self-deprecating ideas/ the idea that you're not wanted in this family from" and WWX goes, in the same tone as a grade schooler, "your mom."
JC: NOT FUNNY.
WWX: IT KINDA IS THOUGH
And then they both cry and laugh at the same time and that's the reconciliation.
I think the main story might have been Wangxian? Pretty sure I only read that back then, but I can't remember anything else and I've looked everywhere. @rights-for-redshirts
FOUND! say it’s here where our pieces fall in place by Lirelyn (E, 68k, wangxian, Family Feels, Modern, Angst with a Happy Ending, Kid Fic, Adoption, Foster Care, most of the angst is backstory and we’re working through it, several characters have had therapy thank god, there’s a good amount of domestic fluff but also a lot of crying, Often at the same time, oh yeah eventually there will be smut, possibly also with crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Podfic Available)
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9. Hi again, Team! I’m going to feel absolutely /stupid/ but there was a fic I read where LZ secretly rates other people’s dicks & WY keeps trying to score 10/10 but is unable to do so. The only other things I can recall are NHS had a starring role & WX got together at the end! Any help would be appreciated! @arisuamichan
FOUND? Thank You for Submitting by westiec (M, 3k, WangXian, Dick Pics, Getting Together, Humor, NHS is here too, but he's mostly offscreen, Modern, United States, Podfic Available)
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10. For fic finders: the start of it is that a class of lans including LWJ were affected by a curse placed on the platform/building they were in and WWX and LXC tried taking them to the cold pond
That doesn’t work so they head off to LWJ to see how he’s handling it and the two Lans wonder why WWX doesn’t seem to be affected when he was also there. He laughs his way through having the same mental fortitude or whatever as LWJ before just coming out and saying that no one noticed he’s been missing his core for years and without a core it didn’t affect him
I think the curse was placed by JGY but that was kinda secondary detailing since WWX and LWJ got together because of this situation. A completed one shot, no multi chapter casefics here
FOUND? Stainless by Fahye (E, 6k, WangXian, Sex Pollen, Yuletide Treat)
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11. Hi! Please help me find this fic. I'm becoming desperate! Wei Wuxian is somehow turned into a kid. Some plot happens and Wei Wuxian turns back into an adult but in his original body and everyone is shook by this turn of events. They celebrate or something and then at the end WangXian adopt a baby named Yanli and the juniors and Jiang Cheng adore her. Please I loved it but firgot to bookmark it and can't seem to find it 😭 @pancakeshitdifferentat4am
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12. hi im looking for a wangxian fic i read a while ago and i cant find it so i forgot the name but i remember that lan wangji lost his golden core he was attacked by wen zhuliu on his way back to cloud recesses after he and wei ying were rescued from the xuanwu cave , he manages to kill wen zhuliu but he lost his core and wei ying was the one to find him. thats all i remember i hope you can help me find it . Thank you so much in advance.
FOUND? stay, fury, your wrist wrapped in silk by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 228k, WangXian, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Canon Divergence, YLLZ LWJ, LWJ loses his golden core, yiling wei sect, Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Major Character Injury, Injury Recovery, Temporary Character Death, War Crimes, Wen Remnant, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Revenge, LWJ goes dark for a while, WWX has a hard time with the bad shit going on around him, JGS is a bastard, Protracted Sunshot Campaign, War is war and hell is hell and of the two war is a lot worse, temporary impotence, growing intimacy, LWJ & WWX and the Wen Remnant live in the Burial Mounds together, WWX travels with LWJ and stays at his side post-Sunshot, Spanish Translation)
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13. Hello! I've had this scene running through my head from a fic that I, for the life of me, can't find.
It's a canon divergence fic where WWX brings the Wens to Gusu and humanizes them to the rest of the cultivation world in the proceas. The fic talks about PTSD and I could have sworn I bookmarked it but here we are! The scene I can't forget is:
On the way there, WWX makes A-Yuan a whistle that he can blow whenever he's afraid. At first the whistle blows often, but eventually A-Yuan gets more comfortable.
Any help would be most appreciated, thank you! @theonlysureprediction
FOUND? Grave dirt by esama (T, 92k, WangXian, canon divergence, yiling wei sect au, demonic cultivation, farming, found family, pre-slash, politics, fix-it of sorts) The whistle part could be Grave dirt by Esama (chapter 2)
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14. heLLO its my first time doing this and ive no idea how tumblr works im usually just here to browse
anyways just the other day i read the desc of a fanfic where wwx was forced to top by a lz who was riding him and wwx was yelling hELP rAPE RAPE IM BEING RAPED lol
but i forgot to bookmark it and now i cant find it if you could help PLSS thank u ily guys🥺😭
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15. Okay so this will be for fic finder.
I swear I had this bookmarked but I spent 2 hours searching and can't find it at all.
What I remember is that wwx makes a clay doll for a-yuan. It falls into the lotus pond, but falls apart. A-yuan is distraught, of course. Sometime during the following night though wwx is woken up by a baby screaming. The burial mounds somehow turned the clay baby to a real baby girl. Wwx raises her and she ends up going to koi tower with him. I think wangji escorts wwx, the baby, and wen ning??
Please help me find this! @grainstealingthot
FOUND! An Old Cardboard Produce Box for a Cradle by julomaiboulomai, mischiefseven (T, 25k, WangXian, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Canon Divergence, Sentient Burial Mounds, Golden Core Reveal, Everyone Lives)
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16. for ficfinder
I swear I have thus marked some where but I just can't find it
it'd the fic where lsz/wen yuan has a twin who's raised by lwj and lwj n wwx think that the other twin died. it's a parent trap au @bunnycoffeeumcat
FOUND? 🔒❤️ kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight by AlfAlfAlfAlfAlf, tardigradeschool (T, 75k, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Eventual Happy Ending, Getting Together, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Inspired by The Parent Trap (1998), Kid Fic, teen shenanigans, two a-yuans, Fluff and Angst, [Podfic] kick at the darkness ‘til it bleeds daylight by contributor-sky (deepestbluesky), esbielle was also here (esbielle), glittercracker, GodOfLaundryBaskets, jellyfishfire, kisahawklin, Koontyme, Rionaa, semperfiona))
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17. i have not used tumblr so sorry if i am asking in the wrong place- but i am going crazy trying to find this fic! it has some explicit scenes, it is an omega/alpha type fic, where alpha lan xichen and omega wei wuxian are married. alpha lan zhan lives with them, but struggles seeing/hearing their intimacy and closeness because he was attracted to wei ying on their first meeting. wei ying gets drunk and sleeps with lan zhan thinking hes lan huan twice while lan huan is gone, but claims to forget
FOUND? they call me homewrecker by sweetlolixo (E, 12k, XiXian, WangXian, Modern AU, Omegaverse, Dark LWJ, Dark WWX, Pining LWJ, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Dubious Consent, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual WangXian)
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18. Hello, I have another request please, there was a modern day no powers fic where WWX was a baker, who also delivered his cakes, idk what kind of social media he had, because all I remember a girl was looking at his post and he leaned in and said smth like "that Yiling Patriarch is pretty cute" or smth, and there was a skateboard, maybe? That's all I got. Thank you so much!
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19. Hello!!! Thank you for your hard work!!!!
I'm looking for a fic where it mostly canon compliant but the only thing I vividly remember it's that when LWJ appear at the Mo Mansión to rescue the Junior it's that he has some grey/white hairs and maybe it was a omega verse (not very sure about that).
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20. Hi. I’ve been trying to find a fic where WWX decides to take the imperial examinations, live as a magical farmer in the south and later found out Wei Changze was the son of the Emperor and WWX ends up taking in the young princes for tutoring. Also I don’t remember how he meets LWJ but they ended up being engaged and the Emperor sends like Imperial Auditors to the sects because of what happened to his grandson… It may or may not be a time travel fix-it, can’t quite remember 😫 @skycookie472
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New fic with 2000's James! Hope you like it 🥰
@nausicaamusiclover20 you for the perfect translation❣️
I missed you
Description: You and James had a baby two months ago, you're slowly getting back into your routine and you feel the need to start making love with James again and it seems almost like the first time.
WARNINGS: smut, explicit content, sex, oral sex, dirty talking.
Two months have passed since Elijah was born—two difficult, but at the same time, beautiful and intense months. James has proven to be an amazing father. Since he got sober, he feels like a different person—caring, attentive, present, and reliable. I find myself falling even more in love with him. Slowly, I'm getting back into my routine. It feels good to focus on myself again, but part of me still aches every time I leave Elijah. I never thought I'd be the kind of mom who struggles with being apart from her baby, but every time I head to the gym or prepare for my upcoming runway show, there's a knot in my stomach. I’m so proud of what I do, but I can't help but feel torn.
In three months, I have a big runway show, and I've started going to the gym again. Today is one of those days, and I’m heading home after my workout, eager to see Elijah and James again.
I push the door open, the familiar scent of home welcoming me. I can already hear the soft hum of James's guitar drifting down the hallway. My heart skips a beat, and I find myself walking toward Elijah’s room almost instinctively.
When I step inside, I pause, watching them. James is sitting in the armchair by the crib, guitar in hand, his strong fingers gently strumming a slow, peaceful melody. Elijah is peacefully asleep in his crib, his tiny chest rising and falling in rhythm with the song. I can’t help but smile, my chest swelling with love.
James’s presence is such a contrast to the serene room around Elijah. His broad shoulders and tattooed arms look so out of place here, surrounded by the soft colors and delicate decor, but somehow, it makes everything feel even more right. He looks so relaxed, so at peace. It’s as if the world outside doesn’t exist in these moments, and all that matters is the tiny soul asleep in the crib and the man playing music to him.
I stay still, watching them, my heart full. It’s been months since we’ve had time alone, and I can feel the distance between us melting away, the desire for him creeping back in. But there's also something else—a sense of longing for the connection we've both been craving. It’s been so long since we've had time to ourselves, just the two of us.
I bite my lip, torn between my love for Elijah and the pull of James. I’m not sure I’m ready for everything to change, but seeing him like this, so attentive, so gentle—it stirs something deep inside me.
Finally, I take a step closer, my footsteps soft on the carpet, and I lean in to kiss the top of Elijah's head before turning my attention to James.
“You’re always full of surprises,” I whisper, my voice soft, teasing.
“I thought I’d try something different today,” he says with a grin, putting the guitar down gently. “Elijah seemed to like it.”
I smile, my heart melting. I lean in, letting my fingers brush against his, a small touch that sends warmth through me. “He did. I think he’s just as in love with you as I am.”
James’s hand tightens around mine, pulling me in closer. For a moment, it’s just us, standing there in the quiet of the nursery, the world outside forgotten.
A shiver runs down my spine. It’s been months since we’ve touched, and I can feel the longing desire inside me. The distance between us has become unbearable, and I know it’s finally time to reconnect, to feel his touch again, to make love.
I watch Elijah sleeping peacefully in his crib, careful not to disturb him. I don’t dare touch him, not wanting to wake him up. My heart is racing as I turn toward James, and I can’t help but move toward him. I reach up and run my fingers through his short, tousled hair, the touch soft and gentle, before pressing my lips to his in a slow kiss. I pull away slowly, my gaze locking with his, and then kiss him again, this time deepening it, my tongue slipping past his lips with a careful, lingering motion.
His hand moves to my face, cupping my jaw and the side of my neck. His grip is firm, but there’s tenderness in the way he holds me, his fingers pressing slightly against my skin. He tightens his hold just a little, sending a shiver through my body.
"I want you..." I whisper, my voice breathless as my lips hover close to his ear.
I feel him stiffen slightly, his gaze lighting up with a fire that matches my own. He had promised to wait for me, to wait until I was ready. I know he’s been patient, but I can see in his eyes the same longing that’s been growing inside me. The months of silence, of distance—it’s been agony for both of us.
"Are you ready?" he asks, his voice low and full of concern, but there's a playful smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. His eyes search mine, making sure I’m comfortable, that this is what I really want. "Do you feel okay?"
I meet his gaze, nodding softly. "I’m ready," I whisper. "I feel… right with you."
His smirk deepens, and he nods, his eyes darkening with approval. Then, as if to answer my unspoken invitation, he leans in and kisses me again, this time with more urgency. The kiss starts slow, sweet, but quickly becomes more passionate, his lips moving against mine with a deep hunger. His hands roam to my back, pulling me closer, the heat between us building as we kiss.
After a few moments, I pull back just enough to breathe, my chest rising and falling rapidly. My fingers trail down his chest, and I look up at him with a small smile. "Let’s go to the bedroom, "I suggest, my voice thick with desire.
He gives me a slight nod, but I hesitate, glancing back toward Elijah. "Wait" I say, stepping back for a moment. I grab the walkie-talkie from the shelf by the door and hand it to him. "Just in case he wakes up…"
James takes the walkie-talkie with a smirk still playing on his lips, his eyes locked on mine. "We’ll be quick" he says, the teasing tone in his voice making it clear he's eager, but patient.
I feel strangely nervous, almost as if it’s the first time. Maybe it’s the fear that something has changed, that it won’t be the same as before. If that’s the case, it would hit me hard because making love with James has always been one of the things I love most in the world. I try to hide the anxiety by kissing him hungrily, my hands finding their way to his chest, slipping under his shirt. The warmth of his toned chest makes me crave him even more.
As we move toward the bedroom, my heart is pounding in my chest. I try to push away the doubts creeping in—wondering if everything will be as it once was. What if things have changed? What if the passion we shared is gone, lost in the months of silence and distance? The thought makes me uneasy, but I try to shove it aside, focusing instead on the feel of his lips on mine, the warmth of his body against mine. I don’t want to think about anything else right now—just him.
James pushes me gently toward the bed, and I sit down, looking up at him. I can see the hunger in his eyes, the same fire that’s burning in me. Without breaking eye contact, I reach down to undo his belt, biting my lower lip as I pull at the buckle, feeling the tension build with every second.
"How badly do you want it?" he asks, his voice teasing, but laced with desire.
"Too much..." I answer, my hands pulling down the zipper of his jeans, my breath quickening with anticipation.
I pull down his pants and boxers, my gaze lingering on him for a moment. I can feel the weight of his eyes on me, and the air between us feels thick with desire. I can’t resist reaching out, my hands trembling slightly as I take his dick, slowly stroking it while I licked it, waching him intensely. His hand comes to the back of my head, gently guiding me closer. His breath quickens, and I can hear the low sounds of his pleasure. I take my time, moving deliberately, savoring the moment, savoring him.
"Stop…" he whispers, his voice rough. "I’m already close..."
I slow down, feeling the change in the air between us. I pull back just a little, giving him space to breathe, to collect himself. My fingers brush my lips, and I look at him, my chest rising and falling with each breath. His eyes are dark, deep, full of desire. He pulls off my shirt, and for a moment, I feel exposed and vulnerable. My body has changed—my breasts are fuller from breastfeeding—and although I’ve almost regained my shape, I still don’t feel completely at ease. But when I see the way he looks at me, I feel a shiver run through me. His gaze moves slowly over every inch of my body, as if he’s memorizing me, in awe of the way I’ve changed.
He unhooked my bra while kissing me with slow, passionate intensity. The bra falls to the floor, and with one hand, he gently touches my breast. He knows I’m sensitive, so he’s careful, making sure his touch is soft, almost reverent. His fingers leave a trail of warmth that makes my head spin. I want him so much, more than I can put into words. I could throw myself at him in an instant, but he holds back, wanting to take his time, wanting to be gentle with me. His care only makes me want him more.
I lie back, pulling him down toward me, kissing him with a hunger I can’t suppress. I bite his lips softly, savoring every moment, intoxicated by his scent, his warmth. It’s like everything around us fades away, and I’m lost in him.
James pulls back just slightly, his eyes searching mine before he carefully pulls off my jeans and panties, his touch never rushing, always slow and deliberate.
"You're beautiful... like a goddess," he says, his voice almost breathless. His compliment makes me blush, and I look at him, pleased, as I whisper, "Come here."
He quickly pulls off his shirt, his eyes never leaving mine. The intensity between us grows, and I feel a spark of anticipation.
His hand moves slowly toward my body, touching my clit, sending a wave of pleasure through me. I arch my back instinctively, the pleasure building with every soft, deliberate touch. He kisses my chest, taking his time, pressing his face into me as if savoring every moment. His movements are slow, thoughtful, as though he’s memorizing each of my reactions.
I can feel myself becoming restless, my body craving more. It’s like a fire burning in me, one I can’t control.
"James, please... I need you," I say, my voice tinged with desperation, my body responding to his touch, moving beneath him.
He looks at me with a smile, positioning himself between us, his gaze full of longing. As he kisses me, he slowly pushes himself into me and I feel a rush of warmth and closeness. My breath catches in my throat, and I can’t make a sound, overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment. I open my mouth slightly, a deep sigh escaping as I hold him closer, feeling his arms enveloping me.
“God... I’ve missed you so much,” he murmurs against my lips, his voice thick with emotion. I feel the weight of his body above me, the pressure grounding me, but there’s something comforting in it—like we’re both exactly where we’re meant to be. But it becomes more passionate as I feel his lower abdomen rubbing in my clit at every thrust. and I can’t help but respond to him, my hands gripping his back, my body aching to feel every part of him.
I know he’s holding back, trying not to rush, making sure I’m okay, and it makes me crave him more. I whisper his name, urging him on, knowing that right now, we both need this—need each other.
“Harder… James… give it to me harder,” I urge, my voice trembling with desire.
“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you,” he asks, concerned in his voice.
Without saying a word, I place my hand on his butt, guiding him closer to me, urging him deeper. He understands the message and his arms move around me, pulling me in, his hands gently supporting the back of my head. He begins to thrust harder, with a new intensity, each motion slow but deep, bringing a wave of pleasure with every thrust. I let myself fully surrender to the sensation, each movement leaving me breathless.
James is completely immersed in the moment now. His lips leave mine, his forehead resting softly against my shoulder as he continues thrusting, as though nothing else matters but the connection between us. I can feel him shaking, his breath quickening, and the way his body reacts tells me everything I need to know.
“Keep going,” I whisper, lost in the feeling of him, feeling the intensity building between us.
He reaches the peak, pulling away and leaning over me, his breath shallow as he cums all over my body, his expression of pleasure sending a rush of excitement through me. The warmth of him leaves me breathless, and his uneven breaths only heighten the intensity of the moment, sending me into a daze of sensation.
"I love you..." I whisper softly.
"I love you too, Y/N..." he responds, his breath heavy.
I look down at my abdomen and burst into laughter.
"Oops..." he says, laughing as he runs a hand through his hair.
He gets up and heads to the bathroom. When he returns, he has a damp towel, and he gently wipes it over my body, the sensation soothing. As he reaches my lower abdomen, I realize I still crave him. I want to feel more. As he moves the towel down, he pauses at my lower abdomen, almost as if he can read my thoughts. He starts kissing me, moving lower, and suddenly a wave of anxiety hits me. I’m afraid my body isn’t the same, that he won’t find me attractive anymore. Instinctively, I close my legs.
He looks at me, confusion in his eyes. "Hey... it’s me."
"I know, but..." I trail off, unsure of how to explain.
"You're perfect... relax," he says, his tone soft and reassuring as he continues to kiss me gently.
I take a deep breath, closing my eyes, feeling him gently part my legs, kissing my clit. Slowly, I start to relax, and I realize my fears were unfounded. He loves my body just as much, if not more, than before. From this moment, his mouth and tongue move with perfect rhythm, knowing exactly how to stimulate every right spot. I know he loves giving me pleasure, and I can tell he would never stop. As he picks up the pace, a wave of shivers runs through my body, almost like an electric shock with every touch.
"Oh my God, James... you’re going to make me c..." I gasp, my hand tangled in his hair as I start trembling beneath him.
From time to time, he lets out a low, almost primal groan, sending another jolt of pleasure through me, making the sensation even more intense. At one point, he takes my ankle and places my foot on his shoulder, and I raise the other one to mirror the position, giving him more room to move. He kisses deeper, the sensation of his touch making me dizzy. His intensity drives me wild, and I can feel how deeply he desires me, how every action, every movement reminds me that I belong to him.
I can no longer control my moans, my body trembling with each wave of sensation. I arch my back, turning my head back as the pleasure builds. Just before reaching the edge, I glance down, seeing James, his skin glistening with sweat, completely naked between my legs. The sight of him, the way he moves against the mattress, only intensifies the feeling.
"J-Jamie... oh my God... I’m... I’m coming," I gasp, my body contorting as I grip the pillow with one hand. He wraps his arm around my leg, and with the final movements, he brings me to a powerful, overwhelming release. It’s intense, freeing, and everything I’ve been craving.
The sensation is so overwhelming and prolonged that I can barely catch my breath. I loosen my grip on his hair, and I notice that he’s still grinding against the mattress, his face so close to me. His soft groans soon give way to his own exhaustion, and he finally stills, breathing heavily.
"Jesus Christ!" he exclaims, almost breathless.
"What happened?" you ask, amused, as you run your fingers through his hair and pull your feet off his shoulders.
"It’s that I... I came while I was eating you out . This is the effect you have on me," he says, his head resting on your lower abdomen, his breathing heavy and irregular. You smile, gently stroking his temple. He slowly sits up and lies next to you. You turn onto your side to watch him, admiring him quietly.
"Never doubt your body again, understood?" His voice is firm, his gaze intense, almost as if he's trying to make me believe in myself just as much as he believes in me.
I nod, my heart racing, and lean in to kiss him. The moment our lips touch, I feel a tear escape, rolling down my cheek.
He pulls away just enough to look at me, his expression filled with concern. "Why are you crying now?"
I try to steady my breath, the emotions swirling within me. "I don’t know... it's just... I’ve missed you so much, and with everything... my hormones are all over the place. There’s just so much I feel... I can’t even explain it all," I confess, my voice trembling with vulnerability.
He doesn’t say anything at first. Instead, he gently pulls me closer, wrapping his arms tightly around me, as if trying to protect me from all the worries I’ve been carrying. His warmth grounds me, and I can’t help but close my eyes and bury my face in the crook of his neck.
He presses a soft kiss to my forehead, and I feel his chest rise and fall as he inhales deeply. “I love you,” he whispers, the words coming so naturally, like they’re the most important thing he’s ever said.
I melt into his embrace, feeling his arms around me, holding me in a way that tells me I’m safe. The steady beat of his heart beneath my ear calms the storm inside me, and for a moment, everything feels right.
#james hetfield x reader#james hetfield smut#james hetfield fanfiction#james hetfield x you#metallica x reader#metallica fanfiction#metallica smut#james hetfield#metallica#papa het#james hetfield oneshot
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SNOWBALL FIGHT - MS
No Nut November - Day 21
NNN Masterlist...
-➤ You and Matt mess about in the snow
You often found asylum in the heat of your own home during the bitter months, wrapped up in numerous blankets. Today was slightly different. The cold seasons usually give you frosty winds that just ice over the dew drops in the grass but overnight, it fell in unique white dust forms.
Soft yet crunchy snow had fallen onto the ground which gave the concrete an extra crisp layer atop it. It was so peaceful.
You dragged your boyfriend out of bed, bundling up in any fabric you could find. Even then, your breath became visible in the air, fading into invisibility. You let out a sigh, captivated and taken aback by the pretty scene in front of you. That was until Matt dragged you by your wrist into the snow.
Immediately, he was grabbing balls of snow, rolling them around to increase the size of them. “Am I doing this myself, or what?” Quickly you got his idea in your mind and started on your own mount of snow. By the time you had rummaged all the snow that was in your area, the feeling in your feet had dissipated, yet you were too distracted by Matt to notice.
His tongue stuck out in concentration as he sculpted the next layer of what was a forming snowman. He was working at it intently, using his gloved hands to morph the snow into perfect spheres. Carefully, he places each ball on top of each other, diligently working on creating its perfect form. Occasionally, he checks in on your progress while he continues. He glanced over at you as you worked on your own ball of snow, and he immediately chuckled seeing the completely focused look on your face. Your eyes were narrowed in concentration as you continued to form your smooth ball, and he had to laugh at the way you were standing out in the freezing cold without a care in the world.
After a few moments, you finally met his gaze and chuckled as you lifted your creation. “Want any help with that, love?”
“Nope…I got it!” You paused your speech as you reached onto your tiptoes to gently nudge your ball onto the others that Matt had made. He rolled his eyes a bit and shook his head as he watched you struggling to reach up to put your snowy creation on the top of the snowman. A small smile crept across his face as he watched you, seeing how you seemed completely determined to do this without his help.
That was until you dropped it.
Matt’s eyes widened as the ball of snow toppled over its desired position and landed on his head, immediately coating his hair in a layer of white. He stood there for a moment, completely frozen before a look of mock horror covered his face. He lifted his hands and began wiping the excess snow from his head, turning in your direction and eyeing you with a playful glare.
Both your hands covered your mouth. All you could do was stand there in shock as your boyfriend rattled the snow out of his hair, turning to you.
“Shit, I’m sorry I didn’t mean t-“he laughs at your immediate reaction, shaking his head to get the rest of the snow from his hair. A mischievous grin forms on his face as he takes a step towards you, his eyes locked on yours
"Oh no no no, you're gonna pay for that, baby..." He laughs at your immediate reaction, shaking his head to get the rest of the snow from his hair.
Matt ignored the wet feeling of melted snow down his back and reached for a handful of it from the ground. He formed it into a crude ball, tossing it up and down to test the firmness. The playful look in his eyes said all you needed to know before throwing it at you.
A small smirk tugged at his lips when he saw it hit your chest, remnants sticking to your shirt. Immediately, he reaches down and grabs more handfuls of snow, enough to make a few snowballs. In retaliation, you did the same. Grabbing whatever you could and pelting it at him, the force making him jump.
It was no longer about the snow, it was about you.
His footsteps crunched in the snow as he sprinted after you, a playful gleam in his eyes and a smirk still dancing on his lips. He was determined to catch up with you, and he wasn't going to stop until he had you in his grasp. There was a playful intensity in his movements as he made his way towards you, quickly moving to tackle you into the snow.
“Matt wait!” You attempt to run in the snow, the unusual difference making you stumble as you start to move.
He laughed as you tried to call out to him. He was too focused on trying to reach you to pay any attention to your words. Matt continued his pursuit, closing the gap between you with each stride he took. His eyes were locked on the sight of you running, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement and determination as he chased after you. Finally, he made his move. lunging at you and with a smooth agile motion, he wrapped his arms around your torso, tackling you to the thick snow. Giggles escaped between the two of you.
“Gotcha!” Matt’s gaze fell on your face, the way you laughed, the redness of your cheeks. He couldn’t help but admire you.
The sound of your laughter fell into a silence, the pair of you laying there together. The stillness only broken by the cool breeze stirring through your hair. he lifted one hand, gently brushing away some of the snow that remained on your face. He then moved his hand to trace a soft line from your temple to your jaw, his touch delicate and reverent. He looked up at you, a soft smile still on his lips as he spoke.
“Stay still, you’ve got a little something…just,” He paused, using this opportunity to plant his lips on yours. He held his position for a few more moments, his eyes fluttering closed as he savoured the kiss. After a moment he pulled away, still looking at you delicately. “There.”
“You’re ridiculous…”
“Mhm, love you too.”
@melliflws @yuhayeee @st7rnioioss @sturn-bugz @bueckerrss @worldlxvlys @raysmayhem-72 @patscorner @y0urm4m @bernardsbendystraws @junnniiieee07 @luverboychris @jnkvivi @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @shorthairchris @colorthecosmos444 @anabethinking @zay-sturns @anyaa2s @emilyfaith2003 @jassturn @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @sturniolosiphone @ribread03 @slutf4rmatt @spaghetti835928383 @flouvela
© ENDEREIES 2024
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calm after the storm
jaycetalis x reader
summary: the arcane horrors are enough to send a mortal man into the depths of depravity, jayce, having just ascaped the hexcore know this a little too well. he knows there is only one thing that may keep his sanity from snapping: the girl he knows is waiting for him back home.
a/n: this is not cannon compliant, imagine mel is a lesbian in this universe, i just finished this at 1.30 am i have 8 am classes tomorrow but i cant break a promise, enjoy !!!
+
the vast emptiness of light wad oddly a welcome sight. white with specles of pastel color stretched toward all four directions further than his tired eyes could see.
jace took a moment of reprieve, setting his hammer down but not letting go of the handle, far too scared, far too aware of the horrors that could be awaiting him the next second.
he had no trust in the calm but he accepted it anyway, he had no choise but, if he stayed on his feet another second he may collapse, and janna knows what would aait him in his unconscious state...
one by one, cautiously, tentattively, his feet fell to the ground, of the ceiling, or... he could hardly tell. in any case, the weariness became a little easier to bear with his body sitting.
jayce took a deep breath. the sound reverbrated through the abyss of the arcane, travelling, mixing with its surroundings untill it ceased to exist, only to be followed by another deep breath and the course continued this queer melody, monotone, a strange calm.
jayce had been trapped in the hexcore... he knew not how long. the only thing he knew was the strain in his muscles, the ache in his bones, the bags under his eyes from lack of sleep and the pain in bones from the hits he took.
through this odyssey of violence and strangeness, his sole anchor was his hammer. symbol of his family and a familiar tool, one that had accompanied him since first he could walk. though that too had been corrupted, its form changed, resembling somewhat the vastness surounding him.
but that was not entirely true... he had one more weapon in his arsenal, ensuring he does not lose himself in the horrors, one entirely uncorrupted, one nothing could take away from him: her.
his biggest treasure, his shinning light, his beacon of hope, his prayar when times get hard.
he sat and pondered, that is all he did when he was alone, replaying the memories again and again, afraid the darkness may erase them from his mind.
they had met years ago, in the academy. she had been hired to fill the void left by victor as professor heimerdingers assistand. he will never forget the first time he locked eyes with her.
the professor had made no attempt to formally introduce them, too preocupied with whatever else in his mind. therefore, when he walked into his lab one morning, only to be met with her back snooping around and taking notes, he was surprised to say the least. at first his instinct was to yell at her but once she turned around to look at him all anger dissipated from his body.
her eyes seemed like stars twinkling in the morning light as they looked at him, her features painting a perfect picture, face surprised ever so slightly. she explained herself but even after she did he remained dumbfounded, stumbling over his words, bringing a smile to her face, and a small chuckle escaping her lips. she took a step forward, leaning into him when she said the words etched into his heart. "i will be seeing you soon, mr progress" and with that she left, leaving him frozen on the spot to be found by viktor.
her words were true. since them they saw more and more of eachother, at first in the lab, then in the lad and after, untill eventually they were essentially inseperable. as his carrer proceeded and he fell deeper and deeper into the intricacies, the guile and the treachery of politics, she was always there, waiting for him in his house, in his lab, backstage from his stage to remind him of his goal, of his self. his pillar his beacon, his hope.
now she was... gone. or rather he was gone, ripped away from her arms and thrust into this labirinth of magic and malice, not knowing when or if he would ever escape.
his mind was running back to that first meeting, a moment of peace at last, when again his surroundings changed.
jace shot up, assuming a battle stance he had become all too familiar with, ready to take on whatever the arcane threw at him, with the hope to return to her, when the landscape changed again, and again, as if glitching, once twice thrice untill he was thrust in the white void once again, only this time, he had company...
councilor salo, his former coleague, standing right in front of him. he thought it was magic playing tricks on him. the councilor was... changed. he was walking, despite the damage taken by jinxs boms and his face had weird marks, reminiscent of the hexcores essance, he was not there to bring good news. "salo ? what are you doing here, how are you walking ?"
salo replied, but his voice was changed aswell, warped unto something unhuman. salo relayed his message from victor, the entire conversation almost too surreal for him to comprehend but the things he had seen had turned hi sstomach into steel, and despite salos words he knew what he had to do...
the councilor or victor or whatever this thing wearing the facade of his former friend concluded its little speech, but jayce knew his destiny "i cant let you leave" spoke jayce.
with a smug but calm confidence, salo turned to leave "im sorry you feel that way" he said as he made his exit.
but jayce had a duty, a goal, a purpose, more importanly he had a promise had had to fulfill, one he was too blind to see before but all to aware of now, "im sorry too" and with a simple swing of his hammer, salo was gone.
jayces vision went hazy, all the exhaustion catching up to him, mixing with the weight of salos words, making his feel queezy, fell all the things he had not allowed himself to all this while.
he knew what he had to dy, call it duty or fate of want, he had to rid the world of the hexcore, using any means necessary.
the tragedy of salos death, rather his muder brought atleast one blessing, he was back at the hexgates. he dragged with the last remainants of strength left in his body his feet forward, his mind replaying all of the things he had seem, nightmares come to life, threatening to consume his mind, to drag him the their abyss now and forever, all the way through the exit, to the elevator to the outside of the hexgates they fought to erase his sanity, but as he stepped outside the gates, feeling the fresh air hit his face, fill his lungs and the morning light hitting his eyes, from the dephts of his soul a light occure: a vision of her, his saviour his saint, his guiding star.
he could see from up here the entire city and for a secont the romantic view, the vision of her, they softened his worries, cleared his head, and a new need emerged, the need to get to her, finally.
the night was young, sun still dousing the sky in twilight, few stars were visible from her window and below the upset city of piltover. tonight was a quiet night, military had pulled from the streets, atleast a little, and there were no conflicts at hand.
her window had a view of almost the whole city, something she used to find much pelasure in but now was indifferent to. the window might as well have been facing a brick wall. it was all irrelevant, the voilence, the conflict, the war... nothing mattered.
she sat on her bed and stared out the window with a lazy gaze. it was a wonder she even had sat up, usually only having enery to turn side to side.
weeks had passed since she had last seen jayce. they had been in this very room when he said "i need to head to the lab, i will propably be late but not too late, wait for me ?"
liar. fucking liar. "not too late" my ass. he was gone for weeks, disappeared off the face of the earth.
his absence had been felt by her immeietly. she had tried to saty up that fateful night, but sleep tugged on her eyelids thus she had gone to bed, excpecting to find him in her bed by the time she woke up. when morning came and he was not sharing her bed, she still did not worry. but morning was followed by noon was followed by night, and jayce had yet to come back to her.
since then, she had fully gone through the stages of grief. the first ?denial.
on the first night she had gone to his lab but jayce was nowhere to be found, she had then gone to his house only to be met with absence once again. she figured he was held up somewhere with work, so, she went to work a usual, taught her classes, returned home, made them both dinner, ironed the clothes he left behind and washed his pyjamas to wear when he came back. still, there was no knock on her door. no sight of jayce
anger. his multy day absence led her to a clear conslusion; he was cheating. she paced around her house, blasting loud music from her record player, cursing his very existance. she gathered his clothes, his clean clothes she had washed herself by hand, fully intending to burn them, but as she saw the pile infront of her, a painting of their life together, she could not bring herself to. besides, she knew her jace, he would never do such a thing, would never hurt her in such a way, which led her to the next stage:
bargaining. something bad had to happen to jayce to keep him away this long, he was obviously in danger and no one was doing anything about it. she attempted to speak with enforcers but they dismised her as if she were a child. she went to everyone she could think of for help, to no avail, everyone either had their own problems or simply did not take her seriously. the acolade of her desperation came when she knocked on the kirammans door, or at least attempled to. the noxian guard posted outside threw her out before she could even approach the door. did truly everyone so easily accept martial law and forget about one of their very own counsilors ?
finally, she reahced the final stage: depression. her jayce was gone, either from her life or from piltover but it mattered little. he was gone and the void he left behind in her heart was to never be filled again. she stopped going to work, not that she had much work, classes having almost completely ceased in the academy in sight of the conflicts, she stopped going out, stopped cleaning, she would have stopped cooking if it was not her sole source of sustinence. all she did was sit around the house, waiting or crying, listening to her vinyls and crying some more untill even that became too much and she was reduced to only her bed.
her friends had noticed, knocking on the door a few days ago. they noted her catatonic state but could do nothing to help her, only offering words of reassurance "you will get though this Y/N. you are strong with or without him, and you will get better".
their words were nice but to her, void. jace had been the axis around which her life rotated for 5 years now, he was her past present and future but now he was gone. ripped from her so violently and without explaination. was he dead ? had he been entangled in a fight which proved fatal ? or had he abandoned her ? the questions swirled her head constanly, creating a buzz, a fog, in her head as well as behind her eyes, rendering her hopeless.
she could not even pinpoint the exact time jayce had been gone, hours had melted into days had melted into weeks, into a jumbled mess as unclear in her head as her questions. it did not matter how long he was gone anyway, he had left her.
as she sat up in her bed, observing the window she cursed herself for having washed their sheets and jayces clothes, his scent she so loved and oh so longed for was erased, tabula raza. everything sucks. nothing is the way it was supposed to. nothing would ever be the way it was meant to again, not without her guiding star, she found his title as "man of tomorrow" quite apt, for she could thing of no tomorrow without him.
and as she sat there wallowing, surrounded by sadness and self loathing, the doorbell rang.
if it had been another time she would have jumped to open it, holding onto the hope,a small ember if it,that maybe it would be her jayce. now all of it had been snuffed out. jayce was never coming back. she took her time, only moving her head slightly, pondering the identity of the intruder. could it be the neighbours ? a student ? noxian soldiers ? she landed on it being her friends, with cleaning supplies propably, ready for round two of 'cheer up the professor".
the bell sounded again. anoying her friends were, but she blamed them not, their insistance was born of concern. thus, she took her feet of the bed, taking a second to find balance before she dragged herself to the door. the bell rang one final time before her hand reached the doorknob, leading her to grow slightly irritated, the little bit her depressed state allowed atleast.
so sure she was of the visitors identity, she did not look through the peephole, oppening the door immedietly to find...
jayce.
jayce, her jayce.
her jayce who had been missing for janna knows how long.
the professors jaw dropped, and she thought of rubbing her eyes to ensure it was not a cruel dream, but was given no chance, jayce stepping into her appartment and falling into her arms immedietly.
her mind could hardly comprehend what was going on, taking a second to react to his sudden affection, to his sudden presance. his familiar frame in her arms finally registered, leading her to instinctively react, placing her arms around him, holding him close, oh so close, sqeezing his frame, as if at any second he would be stolen away from her again.
they stood there, door ajar, frozen in time, holding eachother, not wanting to let go in fear of returning to the nightmare of their time apart. they stood embracing, drinking in eachothother, hearts beating in tandem, finally full now that they reunited. at peace, at last.
the fog of questions in her mind cleared out, they mattered no more, he was back, he came back to her, to hell with what he had been doing in the meantime.
jayce felt his exhaustion melt from his body, muscles relaxing finally. he moved his head to burry his nose in her hair, taking a deep breath, his lungs filling with her scent calming his nerves. the horrors of the arcane mattered little now. the trials he had passed, the tribulations he endured, the eldritch terrors he faced all with the image of her in his mind, with the memories he replayed in his head like film, holding close to his heart to get through that nightmare had paid off.
he would never be the same again, scarred far too deep, the rune etched in his wrist evidence of that but his love had not faltered a second, and he knew she would still love him no matter what.
they stood there awhile, untill it wasnt enough. she was the first to move, pulling her head from jayces chest to look up at him, to meet his eyes she so loved. when he returned her gaze, she noticed the change in thm; the bit of darkness, the lack of liveliness, but still they were uniquely jayce. it was as if two pieces of a puzzle came together, two parts of one whole, two parts that did not make sense on their own but together created a most beautifull image.
a thousand thoughts ran through her head, so many things she wanted to say, wanted to express, so many emotions that she did not know where to start. but from the way he looked at her, deep brown eyes filled to the brim with adoration, eyes that had seen her whole and loved her whole, she knew he understood, words were unecessary.
"you look like shit" she landed on finally, earning from him a chuckle. her words rang true, he did look like shit. looked as if he had been dragged through hell. his clothes were ripped and tattered, modified with makeshift armour in aome places, and the parts intact were either dripping with sweat or dirty with blood and dirt. his face, his beautifull face was in no better state, painted even darker than his usual tan complexion, beard rowdy and uncempt, hair outgrown, with dired blood and aweat covering majority of it. dirty, rugh and dark.
still, as she looked up at him he looked like an angel, her angel, finally in her arms again.
his deep rich chuckle reverbrated in his chest, sending a jolt of joy through her own body. his voice, more hoarse than usual but just as pleasant and masculine as she remembered spoke "you look prefect"
a pang of guilt rang through her chest, there he went and filled her ears with sweet words when she had just insulted him.
he looked down to her, eyes dark, yet filled with the relief only a man who had all he ever wanted could hold, for that is exactly what she is to him: his dream, his religion and key to his happiness.
his head craned down to kiss her, foot simultaniously moving to shut the door behind him. their lips meeting was like an explosion of a thousand suns. they always had been very good at making love, two halves who knew eachother better than themselves, lips now slotting together like puzzle pieces. the kiss was soft but not chaste, deep with the emotions pouring between them, an equilibrium of love and lust, lips moving against eachother seeking the salvation only the other could bring.
that first kiss was everything, when jayce pulled back finally, he took a deep breath, as if he had been derived of oxygen and her kiss was his release. his hands moved on her back, shifting from her waist to her head, the other moving up and down, pulling her closer, even moreso, tracing lines which sent waves of warmth all through her.
he put their lips together again, just as passionate as the first but now there was something new. need. pure untainted need. he needed her to breathe, needed her to exist and the kiss comunicated just that.
the hand on her head burried itself in her hair, pulling just slightly, not to hurt but to hold onto something, to make sure she would not escape. as if she ever would, this, him, was all she ever wanted, all she ever needed.
wirhout breaking away she oppened her mouth, his tongue immedietly intruding, deepening the kiss further.
jayce was hungry, starved.
his hand behind her back moved again, wishing to rid them of the barrier named clothes, bringing itself beneath her shirt. his palm was cold causing the professor to flinch ever so slightly. jayce was not detered, pulling, tugging her shirt up hurriedly. eventually they had to break the kiss, much to both their dismay. swiftly he pulled the fabric off of her, tossing it to the side to land on the other piles of dirty clothes around the house.
he took a moment to admire her. she was as perfect as he remembered, soft and sweet. she waited patiently for him to finish drinking her in, chest rising up and down with deep anticipating breaths, the move causing him to grow even more infatuated.
he moved again to close the distance between them, rougher this time, so quick she had not the time to process, aware of his move only by the renewed presance of his lips on hers. jayces need had transfered onto her, feeling the heat in every inch of her body, stomach flipping in excitement. her hands flew to his chest, beggining to undo his vest but his armour got in the way.
her hands struggled to undo the clasps of it, soon growing frushtrated the longer she fiddled with the clasp to no avail. jayces hands moved slowly, tracing lines from shoulders to forearms to wrists, leaving goosebups in their wake. his hands cupped hers, rough and caloused, taking them fully in their grasp, begining to assist her in undoing the damned clasp.
one by one pieces dropped with thuds to the floor acompaniyng the sounds of their kissing in the otherwise silent appartment. once the last piece was off, her hands sprung once again to action, undoing his vest and shedding it from his shoulders.
her hands began to then roam his chest. she noted new scars had formed, rough under the pads of her fingers, foreign, maiming the man she had up to now known every trace of. the scars were not the only change though. his body had gotten more defined, muscles more pronounced. a welcome change, one which sent a storm of inapproptiate thoughts to her mind. having explored his body to satisfaction the professors hands moved again, lower and lower, slowly, teasingly, threatening to undo his belt but never daring get too close to doing so.
jayce was not having it. he needed her now, her teasing would not be tolerated. to accelerate the process of undressing his hands moved, loosening his belt and lowering his breeches with much haste, discarding them in the same unceremonious fashion he had her shirt.
he began to move forward with quick decisive steps still cautious not to ever break their kiss, tracing a path to her couch. she followed his lead with much reverance, utill she felt the couch behind her knees. jayce did not allow her to fall back just yet. his hands moved to remove her shorts, one movement bearing her of both pants and undergarments.
only then did her allow her to fall back, giving her a shove, harsher than intended, her smaller body landing on the pillows with a thud and a high-pitched yelp from her mouth, earning from him another chuckle.
he did not wait for her to accustom to the new position, moving immedietly to kiss her again, placing his knee between her legs, upper body caging her in, trapping her like a predator corners pray.
their kisses had grown hungry, need growing into an uncontrollable beast, morphing into desperation. jayce kissed her with an open mouth, all teeth and tongue, but it was welcomed, everything by him was welcomed, time appart had made her a husk of herself. now with jayce in her arms again her life was back in orbit and she wanted him in any way he would have her.
his hands moved, beggining from shoulders and lowering; caressing, toutching or groping whatever flesh he could find, promising to leave a few bruises here and there.
jayce had always been a strong man, something he was very aware of and made even moreso whenever they had sex. he was a strong guy and he knew it, leading him to be extra cautious with her, treating his girl like porcelain, like a doll to be revered and taken care of.
none of that was happening today.
whatever jayce had been through mustve shook him to his core. when he toutched her before it was with the reverance of a priest readiyng his altar, now his hands comunicated the hunger of a ravenous animal.
he needed to feel her close, needed to know she was with him. the arcane had put him through horrors beyond the mortal imaginations, forever in his lips her name, one ray of light in the endless abyss of his torture. he may very well have gone insane if it werent for her. even now, the images of all he had witnessed played in his mind, in some dark corner, threatening to take over and drag him in their madness. their attempt only made his need stronger, his hands rougher, his body more desperate, holding onto his light, pouring out onto her all the frustration, the fear and anger onto her skin. and she took it. she took all he would give, as he knew she would.
his hands had lowered to her hips, only to find them moving, ever so slightly, grinding on his knee in a desperate plea for friction, for something to aleviate the burning in her loins. his hands gripped them, halting all movement, causing her to whine in his mouth. "i know darling, i know" he said.
with hands on her hips were holding on for dear life, surely to leave large bruises come morning, jayces desperation reached its tipping point, unable to hold back anymore cock hard and dripping, begging for release.
any other day he would put himself aside to focus on her fully and only allow his own pleasure after she had had her fill. but now, whith his limbs burning in anticipation, he had not that option.
with a swift movement her flipped her around, manhandling his girl to bend over the couch. he placed the palm of one hand on her back, pressing her torso into the pillows, the other under her thighs keeping them in place, both creating a low arch in her back.
she had been his prayar when times got rough, her kiss his salvation and now her body his reward, his sin. oh and how sinfull she was indeed.
he could see through the dim light her cunt glistening in anticipation. his thumb moved, tracing a line betweed her folds, dragging down onto her clit and taking pause, pressing on her button. the caress, as slight as it was, sent a jolt of pleasure through her body, releasing in a moan, muffled somewhat by the couch. "jayce... please..." she said, tone a step before a whimper.
in response, jayce pulled his thumb from her folds, in favour of taking his cock in his palm. he lined himself with her entrance, and began to slowly enter her folds. he had only just entered his tip yet the professor already could feel her head fogging up in a lustfull haze, unable now to control the sounds escaping her mouth.
when he was about halfway in, anticipation took control, bottoming put in one quick thrust, his thighs hitting hers with force. the movement caused him to release a groan, low and masculine, synchronised with his girls own moan, a melody of pleasure filling the appartment that had for so long been empty of love.
and that first thrust proved the key that unlocked pandoras box for jayce did not waste any time, setting immedietly a brutal pace.
he was drunk on her, an addict that had been derived of his vice too long, only to now indulge again. the appartment filled with sounds of their coupling, lewd and crude but musical in their own way. her slight uncontrolled moans in direct contrast to his low groans, playing to the tempo of jayces pace.
his hipps slapped harshly against hers but his rough hands kept her somewhat grounded and in place. soon she felt his chest press against her back. skin hot and muscles firm, hard and controlling on her back, forcing her deeper into the couch. she could feel the rumble of his moans through his chest, another sense to add to the cocktail of sensations. she thought jayce could not possibly get more intoxicating when his head landed right next to her ear.
sharp contrast to the movement of his hips, jayces lips were soft, plastering kisses all over the side of her face. moving on toward her neck, nape and shoulderblades. each individual press of his lips a decleration of adoration, somewhat an apology for the rough way he was punding her into the pillows.
in this worship of her body, he found a particularly sweet spot, betwix neck and shoulder, one he knew from years of experience drove his girl crazy and began to roughly suck on the skin. the moan released from her throat was damn near pornographic, making heat rise to her cheeks in embarasment, burrying her head into the couch.
jayce made a cooing sound, mocking, he was fucking mocking her. jayce was causing her delirioum, thrusting into her with unparalleled frevor, lips working her neck like a violin, and now he mocked her for being affected by it.
he craned his head to place again his mouth on her ear. such a smug fuck he was today, but the moan he accidentally released with a hot breath matched her own in hue and desperation "i love you so, so much. i cannot bear to be away from you again, i hardly bore it this time. darling you have no idea what i have been through... but i would do it all over again, just to make it back to you, even if only to place one last kiss upon your brow."
jayces honeyed words sent tears into the professors eyes. hurriedly she twisted her head, lips desperately seeking his, needing to show him what he ment to her, for words would surely fail her at this time.
their lips met in a soft kiss, chaste, innocent, loving. oh so loving. and when they had savoured the moment to satisfacrion, jayce pulled back again. his back left hers, the loss of heat leaving her suseptible to the cold bite of the night air. already she could feel that tightness in her stomach, the sensory overload melting all thoughts away, leaving only pleasure and jayce.
his thrusts got rougher, something she had thought to be impossible. she could feel the tightness in her stomach building up from the movement of his hips, pairing with the swell of her heart from his words. her hands moved from her sides to her back, begging for him to hold onto her, jayce did not give in to his lights request, taking both her wrists in one palm and placing them firmly on her back. she whined loudly hoping it may sway his mind, but he was not so easily deterred, not today atleast.
his other palm grabbed again her hip, starved as he was, brutally pushing his way inside her. the professors entire body rutted, the front of her hips slamming against the couch- yet another bruise she would have to account for in the morning- her ass and back of her hips slammed on by jace, the entire movement an exchange of forcefullness, leaving her in the middle delirious from pleasure. the pressure in her stomach that had built up so long now was nearing an edge, nearing the orgasm she had so long been anticipating.
jayce threw his head back an array of groans and moans he could not hold back escaping his lips, he was close, so close. he kept his eyes away from her form for he knew one glance down at the soft body of the woman he so loved would shoot him straight across the edge.
he wanted to hold back, oh how he wished to, but the depravation had depleted his endurance somewhat, and with the knoledge just a day ago thought the day where he could have her in his arms again would never come, rendered him unable. "darling im...ugh, im close" he said inbetween moans. "i know, please jayce..." she replied in that sweet angelic voice of hers.
with one final thrust he bottomed out inside her, sealing as well her own release, both finnishing with final moans of pleasure.
everything was hazy, her mind swirling with pleasure, the sensations on her body leaving behind a soreness that would only get worse, and in her eyes with unshed tears she could not make out couch from wall. the places jayce had grabbed with particular frevor and her hips where the couch had slammed were more than sore, they hurt, but it was a pain she was glad to caary and one she would choose a thousand times over that of the heartache she had endured these past few weeks.
she felt jayce move behind her but was too tapped out to realise his exact movements, untill she felt hands wrapp around her body, lifting her up off of the couch and repositioning her to sit across the couch. a
jayce positioned himself to the other end of her head, taking in his lap her legs, regret no doubt sinking in as he began to lightly massage them. they both took a moment to breathe, surrounded by comfortable silence.
the professor took liberty of breaking the silence once again "that was the best sex weve ever had"
jayce laughed, no more shy chuchled, he laughed with his whole chest, and for a moment the carefree man she had come to love before the anomaly of the past few weeks returned, if even for a moment. he craned his head to look at her, a sweet sappy smile playing at his scared lips but in his eyes was something else, something she recognised as the brewing of an apology. the air settled in a more serious tone.
"im sorry for-" "its ok, jayce. i know." she replied, not allowing him to relay the little speech he had prepared for it was uneeeded. whatever had kept him away so long was clearly nothing pleasureable, if her trust in him was not enough his appearance proved it.
she had snuffed out the apology but jayce had a lot of things on his chest, clearly. he lowered his head into her lap, hands holding onto her waist for dear life but with clear caustion and tenderness as he began to speak "you do not know the half of it my love. i-... i was with professor heimerdinger and this kid ekko, they had a hextech related problem, they came to me. we went to the gates together to investigate, but the hexcore.... i may never be able to relay onto you the things that happened, the things i saw."
"i understand... i would never force you to do anything you do not wish to jayce" she replied as she began to lazily play with his hair. 'there is still a lot to be done, a lot i have to do. i may need to... i may need to leave again"
those words sent a pang to her chest, hand halting their movements. jayce noticed, taking her palm in his own and lazily playing with the professors fingers, a small comfort. "but i promise, i will be back, i will always come back here, i told you snd i will tell you a thousand times more. do you trust me ?"
he looked up to her as he said those last words, eyes begging for something he knew to be too much. he was asking for her to put her heart entirely in his hands, with close to no guarantee of ever getting it back. but as his brown eyes looked at her, so changed and yet the same, she knew he already had her everything, she would trust him always. "of course i do, i always will" she said.
to love is to trust, to love is to wait, to love is to fight, to love is to traverse the worst horrors of the world only with the prayar of your lovers name on your lips. and they loved eachother more than anything.
as if on que he placed a kiss into her palm, with the worries that plagued him so now lifted from his chest he felt a bit lighter, rising from her lap to stand. "but before anything, i need to bathe"
she laughed, the sound foreign even to her ears, "well i have clean clothes for you, and shampoo"
jayce looked around a bit, gathering his clothes -to throw away- making no comment on the horrid state of the appartment much to her relief, "do you have a razor too ?"
she thought for a moment "maybe keep the beard"
#jayce arcane#jayce talis#jayce x reader#jayce lol#arcane#arcane season 2#vi arcane#mel arcane#viktor arcane
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@duskdog
Hiiii! Been meaning to respond to this because you raised some really interesting ideas, sorry that it’s taken me a hot sec.
The crazy part is (like a lot of things about Steph) we get conflicting information about how Bruce sees Steph in relation to her father.
Steph consistently worries Batman is judging her by her fathers actions when she’s sanctioned at Spoiler. She identifies it as a potential reason the rest of the team doesn’t trust her.
This tracks with how Steph is shown to have a pattern of feeling responsible for the Cluemasters actions (which as I’ve mentioned before I see as an extension of her helplessness to protect herself and her mother from him during her childhood).
She identifies on multiple occasions that her choice to be the Spoiler is rooted in the misgivings of her father. Clear, easy example of this mindset is when she states because her dad is an asshole, she “has a lot to make up for” (Robin 80 Page Giant). She finds herself responsible in some part for his actions.
So it makes a lot of sense that Stephanie keeps asssuming other people are holding her to this same standard, judging her based off of her fathers criminal ways.
However, this assumption is not really substantiated.
I can’t think of a time Batman says or thinks anything which implies he gives a fuck who her dad is, besides when they first meet assuming she’s working with the Cluemaster instead of against him. (I’m not perfect however and I Might have missed one)
That is, until… Bruce Wayne: The Road Home Batgirl (🎉I love talking about BWTRHB!!!!! The worlds shittiest acronym!!!🎉)
After his little assessment and convo with Steph, Bruce tells Alfred that Stephanie and Wendy “need watching”, as their dads were both “criminals”.
This train of thought comes out of nowhere. As already stated, there’s very little evidence that Batman cared much that her dad was a criminal before this point.
Additionally, half his goddamn team has criminal fathers/mothers, ranging from mob bosses to goons to cult assassins to international terrorists. What is he even saying.
This is a total inconsistency. But I can see your view kinda accounts for that hypocrisy. If Bruce sees Cluemaster as a “lesser” threat and holds him in less esteem than the more formidable villain parents, it might explain why he seems to put this bonus emphasis on Stephs parentage. (Maybe he sees Stephs fathers criminal ways as more ‘mundane’ and therefore easier for her to slip into?)
I don’t think I’m totally sold on that idea, but it’s definitely interesting.
His statement feels just so out of nowhere (and again applies to half the people he works with) that I find it hard to believe this is a consistent concern of his.
Batman’s opinion on low level thugs varies (obviously by era and writer), but the versions of him I find most compelling are when he is shown to be sympathetic and willing to help people in shitty situations get out of them (even if they were doing crime beforehand). However it’s entirely possible (and probably equally substantiable) that he has unconscious and class based biases which might affect how he acts and treats certain characters.
I’m not nearly as intensely familiar with Jason’s character as I am Stephanie, so I’m low grade blanking on any good examples of how Bruce interacted w Jason’s background (besides his generally all consuming belief that Jason was on track to worse and worse crime and eventual death before Batman took him in).
Sorry this is pretty rambly, but I thought you brought up a Rly interesting point and i had some thoughts I wanted to add on
How Batman uses the idea of those "born for" vigilantism to justify working with Teen Vigilantes before and after the death of Jason Todd, and what it has to do with Stephanie Brown.
(DISCLAIMER: I'm not trying to condemn the concept of child/teen vigilantes in superhero comics, its a staple of the genre and dumb to condemn it like you would in the real world. I'm analyzing the times in which Bruce Wayne the character has questioned the concept himself, and the rationalizations he comes to about it)
By examining Bruce Waynes mindset immediately before, during, and after Jason Todd's deadly time as Robin, we can see how Batman rationalizes and justifies teenaged vigilantism.
When Dick Grayson as Robin is shot by the Joker, Batman essentially fires him from being Robin. Bruce entirely dismisses the concept of working with a "child" to fight crime. Batman seems to believe working with Dick as Robin is simply too dangerous.
Batman #408 (1940)
His Mindset at this point: Teenaged Vigilantism = Dangerous and Bad
But this, obviously, doesn't stick. It barely takes any time at all after this forBruce Wayne to take in Jason Todd and subsequently make him the second Robin.
Crime fighting with a 19 year old is too dangerous, but crime fighting with the 12 year old? Yeah, sure, why not!
There is an obvious contradiction, and a clear change in mindset.
In order to rationalize his choice to take in Jason Todd as Robin after firing Dick, Bruce Wayne must internally reendorse the concept of Teenaged Vigilantism. And he does so in a specific way:
Batman #410 (1940)
Mindset: If Jason Todd was not Robin, he would become a criminal and die
The dying part is specific as well. When confronted at first by Alfred, its more of an afterthought, something which would occur down the criminal "road" Jason was bound to end up on. But when he is later confronted by Dick, the idea that being Robin "saved" Jasons life takes center stage.
Batman #416 (1940)
It's no longer some distant crime related death Jason was on course for, it was an imminent death which Bruce was able to save him from.
Mindset: If Jason Todd was not Robin, his "self destructive energies" and lack of "self esteem" would have killed him.
This phrasing is SUPER interesting to me, because its not true in a very specific way.
1. Jason Todd wasn't really shown to have "Self destructive energies" before he became Robin. He was stealing to make a living, to stay alive. He never showcases a desire for "self destruction", unless you count his hitting Batman with a tire iron, and his interference in Ma Gunn’s heist. Which I don't.
2. It seems to imply Jason Todd might have died because of specifically "self destructive tendancies", which seems ascribes a small amount of passive potential suicidal ideation, which is also vastly unsubstantiated by anything we see from Jason before he becomes Robin. But you know who is a character who is deeply rooted in concepts of suicidal ideation? Batman. (I'm not going prove this point here, but this concept gets more firmly rooted in the upcoming years after this comic, Knightfall being a great example) Being Batman, Knightfall will establish, is pretty much all that keeps Bruce Wayne living. You could say that being Batman saved his life.
3. Bruce admits he took Jason on because he was lonely in this very same confrontation when Dick pushes him on this idea. This makes it abundantly clear why he needs this rationalization in the first place, his real reason for making Jason Robin appears to be somewhat selfish.
But what does this all mean? For one, it proves that Batman's primary explanation for why he took on Jason Todd is lowgrade BS. It also shows how Batman's rationalization has begun to veer into projection. He states that Jason was saved from his self destructiveness by becoming Robin, something that is certainly true for himself, but not really Jason.
We see this projection fully take root when Leslie Thompkins confronts Bruce. Not only is Jason Todd saved by becoming Robin, now he wasn't even chosen by Batman. It was, much like Bruce Wayne becoming Batman, inevitable. Something he was "born" to do.
Detective #574
Mindset: I didn't chose Jason, he was chosen, he is just like me, we were born for this
This is essential. This mindset will show up again and again as a core part of Bruce's ability to rationalize working with child vigilantes once Jason has died.
Lets look at how his mindset has been evolving from before he meets Jason to his time as Robin progressing. Batman has gone from:
Teenage/Child vigilante Bad --> Child Vigilante Good because Jason would have become a crimial --> Child Vigilante Good because Jason would have died, I saved his life --> Child Vigilante is Good because I saved his life and Jason was meant to be Robin just like I was meant to be Batman, this is what we were was born to do
This is insane rationalization. But it works. For a while.
Then, Jason begins acting out, and putting himself in danger. Whoops. uh oh! How can Jason be saved by becoming Robin, if he is endangered by it? The balm for Bruce's semi-suicidal ideation was crime fighting, so if Jason is self destructive as Robin, does that mean Jason isn't like Bruce after all? Does that mean he wasn't born to be Robin? Was Bruce right in the begining? Is Teen Vigilantism Bad? Well, lucklily, the rationalization Bruce has built doesnt need to change too much in order to accommodate these new facts.
Batman #426 (1940)
See, this issue has not reverted back to being child vigilantism, it's the fact that Jason isn't ready yet.
Batman #426 (1940) / Batman #427
Batman latches onto this idea, he identifies it as "the problem". Is he wrong? No, not really. It does seem like Jason needs come to terms with his parents deaths. But this is important because it is still a rationalization for mindset he started with, still part of the reason he can be in favor of Teenage Vigilantism.
Then Jason Todd dies, as Robin. That truly breaks the underlying concept for this rationalization, that being Robin saved Jason Todd. The entire justification has fully shattered, and Bruce Wayne has lost a son. And, so because of this, in the wake of Jason Todds death, we see a full 180 revert back to the idea Bruce held onto at the end of Dick Graysons time as Robin: Teenage Vigilante = Bad.
Batman #428/ The New Teen Titans #55 (1984) / Batman #439
He has fully rejected the very concept of working with anyone, including the now adult Nightwing. He is literally right back where we started, with even deeper convictions against working with someone else (especially a kid) ever again.
But we all know this doesn't stick. He takes on 13 year old Tim Drake as Robin not long at all afterwards. As the 90's progress Bruces goes on to work with a huge variety of other vigilantes and partners, both teenaged and adult.
So how does he possibly justify this?
I believe he retrofits his rationalization for taking on Jason as Robin.
He adheres to a primary idea. The idea that some people are, like him, simply built for Vigilantism. That they, much like he once believed Jason was, "born" for it.
Mindset: Child Vigilantle is not always Good, but it can be Good. When its the right kind of teenager. Some Teenaged Vigilantes are meant to be Vigilantes just like I was meant to be Batman.
In this way, Jason Todds tragic murder is not a failure of concept, it a category error. Batmans mistake was not working with a teenager, his mistake was working with the wrong kind of teenager. Jason Todd was not built for vigilantism. But others are. This means he's still totally in the clear to work with teenagers, Tim Drake as Robin, then Cassandra Cain as Batgirl, and then eventually Stephanie Brown as Spoiler. So long as Bruce is able to believe they are "born" for it, that they are like Batman himself, meant to do this, and incapable of living a normal life, there is no contradiction, his rationalization holds.
But where’s the proof?
This mindset can be clearly seen and prominently seen when Stephanie Brown is fired as Spoiler.
When Steph is fired as Spoiler because she has moved in Bruce's mind from the "acceptable Teen Vigilante" category into the "unacceptable Teen Vigilante category". And the reasons he gives for this decision are exactly in line with the rationalization I've lain out. She is consistently contrasted to other teen vigilante characters who are fit for duty because he does not see her as "like him/them".
Detective #790
Notice how he jumps right from "Jason and Stephanie were/are not fit to fight crime" to "they could/can have a normal life" right to "unlike me and you, Cassandra Cain, who are stuck fighting crime forever". Much like how he originally justified his decision to work with Jason Todd as Robin through the idea that Jason and Bruce were both destined for this life, he applies the exact same idea, but this time, about himself and Cassandra Cain as Batgirl. And in contrast to them, and in directly comparison to Jason Todd, Stephanie is not meant for crime fighting.
Batgirl #38 (2000)
And Stephanie Brown is contrasted with Cass again, when Bruce first explains why he fired Steph to Cass. This is a consistent pattern. She is not like Cass. This is why she shouldn’t be a vigilante.
When he explains that he is going to fire Steph as Spoiler to Tim, he says something very interesting which invokes the same idea. In the list of three reasons he throw out that Steph shouldn't be Spoiler, he mentions that she is going to "throw her life away". When taken in combination with the other panels discussed, its clear to me that he means this is the common way the saying is used. That she is wasting her life by being a vigilante, that she should, as he mentions earlier, be living a normal life. But why is he saying this to Tim? If one of the reasons Steph shouldn't be Spoiler is her ability to lead a normal life, why the fuck is Tim exempt? I think it comes from a genuine belief that Tim is "like him". Unable to live a normal, non-vigilante life, "born" for crime fighting. Much like Cass, who we already saw him directly compare himself to in this exact same way. Thats why he can directly reference to Tim Steph's ability to have a normal life as a reason she shouldn't be a vigilante, he doesn't believe Tim fits the same category at all!
Robin #106 (1993)
So why the fuck does Stephanie move categories? She was acceptable earlier? What changed?
I've already done an in-depth explanation for what the subconscious underlying reason Bruce fires Stephanie: she simply is no longer useful to as a balm for his loneliness. I highly recommend checking out the post here if you are interested in the breakdown of why and how.
But in addition to that, it’s clear to me that it also has a weird amount to do with Jason Todd.
Stephanie simply and clearly reminds Bruce of Jason Todd. He points out their similarities in personality, and it’s worth mentioning the similarities in their circumstances as well (mothers who struggle(d) with drug addiction, and fathers who were criminals).
As we saw in Detective #790, their personality similarities led to Batman associating Steph with Jason. This makes sense, this association would only grow as he got to know her over the time she is sanctioned as Spoiler.
I believe this association leads to him eventually placing her in the same category as Jason, as not "born" for vigilantism at all, and as capable of having a normal life.
But it also serves as a clear way to rectify his mistakes with Jason. It’s his way of “making up for” his role in Jason's death. It’s his second chance. Never mind that this second chance leads to his assessment of Stephanie having very little to do with Steph herself, and a whole fucking lot to do about Bruce’s guilt over Jason’s death.
This is especially brutal because it seems to come from a place of genuine care (and a selfish desire to assuage his guilt too), but Stephanie doesn't get the tender moment of explanation and grief and regret that Cassandra hears. She doesn't get to know this.
What she gets, is to be told point blank that she is fired because she just isn't good enough. She gets to hear that she lacks the "skills and talent" from the same man who originally came to her to train her because he finally saw and recognized her potential. She gets told she will never be good enough by the guy who told her that she could learn and improve under his instruction. She gets two sentences. She has to fight for any more.
I cannot emphasize enough the fact that she had to track Bruce down to get an explanation for why he was suddenly ghosting her. He didn't even have the decency to tell her himself. Stephanie had to track Bruce down just so she could find out that he gave up on her.
Stephanie gets a blunt lie about why she is fired. And Bruce Wayne gets to feel good about "correcting" a mistake that had nothing to do with Stephanie. Stephanie gets cut off from her friends. Bruce Wayne gets to reconcile with his team. Stephanie gets to feel worthless. Bruce Wayne gets to feel justified.
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The Night Shift (Pt. 8)
Life has never been fair. You know that better than most. It’s a truth that clung to you like a second skin, suffocating and inescapable. You used to think about it a lot as a child, lying awake in bed, staring at a cracked ceiling that never seemed to get fixed. It wasn’t fair when you got third place in the science fair, despite the sleepless nights spent perfecting your baking soda volcano. You can still feel the heat of frustration rising to your cheeks when the judges smiled that polite, disinterested smile, their eyes skimming over your work like it wasn’t worth a second glance. They didn’t even wait for the "eruption."
And then there were the birthdays. The other kids got balloons and cake, their homes filled with laughter and the warm glow of candles. You got cold training rooms and grueling exercises. You can still feel the ache in your muscles, the sting of bruises on your skin as you stumbled through yet another drill.
“It’s for your future,” they’d say, though no one ever explained what that future would look like. At some point, you stopped asking. Stopped hoping.
Fairness, you realized, was a privilege reserved for other people. The ones who didn’t live under the weight of unspoken expectations. The ones who weren’t told to endure and obey, to carry the weight of a destiny they didn’t choose. You learned early that no one was going to fight for you, so you had to fight for yourself—or at least survive long enough to figure out how.
Maybe, somewhere in another life, another version of you is blowing out candles on a birthday cake, her biggest worry whether she’ll get a bicycle or a dollhouse.
But the first time you realized how unfair life could be—really, truly unfair—you were only eight. Mrs. Carter was at the front of the room, talking about metaphors, or maybe similes. You weren’t paying much attention, staring out the window like usual.
Then she collapsed.
You can still hear the sound of her body hitting the floor, the awful thud of it. At first, you thought she’d tripped. But then you saw her face—twisted, pale, her hand clutching her chest like she was trying to keep something inside from breaking free.
The room exploded into chaos. Desks screeched as kids shoved their chairs back. Someone screamed. A few bolted for the door. You just sat there, frozen, watching. It felt like the air had been sucked out of the room, and all we could hear was her gasping—sharp, shallow, desperate.
You remember thinking, someone has to help her. But no one moved. Not really. They were too scared, too shocked. And then the thought came again, louder this time. I have to help her.
Before you knew what you were doing, you were at her side. Knees hitting the floor hard enough to bruise, but no pain erupted. Or at least, you didn’t feel it. You couldn't feel anything except the pounding of your heart. You remember touching her arm, hands shaking so badly you weren’t sure you could keep them still. Her lips were moving, but you couldn’t hear what she was saying.
Then it happened.
As your skin touched hers, a sudden warmth surged through your chest, spreading like fire down your arms. A golden light began to spiral around you, vivid and alive, wrapping the two of you in its glow. Then, just like that, the panic and pain vanished. She went still, her breathing steadying as if a switch had been flipped.
What am I doing? Is this me?
Your eyes widen in awe and disbelief as her veins shimmered beneath her skin, glowing like threads of molten gold. The luminous trails weaving their way from the arm you were holding, disappearing under her sleeves and tracing an unseen path beneath her shirt to somewhere deeper within her body.
The rest is a blur. The door slammed open, teachers rushed in with everyone talking at once. Eventually, someone touches your arm, their grip firm but not unkind. You barely register the murmurs of reassurance as they guide you to your feet. Your legs move mechanically, as your head turns, eyes fixed on Mrs. Carter as they lift her onto a stretcher.
“Little lady,” a man with grey hair says, leaning down towards you. “I think you’ve got a bright future ahead of you.”
"Are you listening?"
The voice jolts you, snapping your attention back to the sterile room. Your eyes locking onto the source of the voice—a man in a white coat standing at the foot of your bed. Your abrupt movement causes him jump as well, nearly dropping his clipboard, which in turn knocks against a nurse's tray of IV medication. She scowls, steadying it with a sharp glare.
"I-" you croak, your voice raw as if you’ve swallowed shards of glass. You reach out instinctively, your trembling fingers brushing against the nurse's forearm. She pauses, then gently clasps your hand in hers.
"I need…" you rasp, the words catching in your throat.
“What is it?” the nurse asks, her tone softening despite the irritation that had lined her features a moment ago.
Your body lurches forward suddenly, a violent gag ripping through you. The nurse reacts swiftly, sliding a plastic tray under your chin just in time, but nothing comes up. Dry heaves rack your body, each one making your head throb harder, the pounding in your skull relentless.
“I need some Zofran,” you manage to plead between gasps, your body sagging back against the bed. Another dry retch claws its way up, leaving your stomach aching and hollow.
Dr. Kento Mori’s calm voice cuts through. “I already ordered it,” he says, stepping closer before turning to the nurse with a nod. “Go ahead and administer it.”
The nurse—Kumiko, if you remember correctly—gives your hand a gentle, reassuring squeeze before releasing it, busying herself with the IV line. Meanwhile, Dr. Mori pulls up a chair on the other side of the bed, his expression unreadable. Dozens of monitors surround you, their soft beeps counting out your pulse, your breathing, the rhythm of your existence.
“How are you feeling?” he asks gently, his large, callused hand resting on your arm. Your brow furrows. How are you feeling? Everything aches—your head, your throat, your stomach—but it’s the stabbing pain in your chest that feels the worst.
“What happened?” you whisper. The question hangs in the air, as your mind races to fill in the gaps. Was I hurt?
Kento leans forward, clasping his hands together. "You collapsed during your shift," he begins, his eyes meeting yours. "Another visitor in the hospital found you unresponsive in the south hallway."
“I…” You try to form a coherent thought, but your mind spirals. How could I let this happen?
"You’ve been pushing yourself too hard," Dr. Mori continues, as if he could read your mind. “Your body couldn’t take it anymore. It’s not just exhaustion—it’s dehydration, malnutrition, and stress. You’re burning out.”
His words feel like accusations, even though you know they aren’t. You stare at the ceiling, your chest tightening. I’m supposed to be better than this. Stronger than this.
But lying here, tethered to machines and monitors, you can’t ignore the truth. Your body betrayed you, or maybe you betrayed it.
“When can I get back to work?” you ask, the words tumbling out before you can stop them. They feel hollow, wrong somehow, but they’re all you can think to say. Kento's face tightens.
“Honestly,” he starts, then hesitates, clearing his throat like the words are hard to get out. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you.”
His eyes flick to the monitors beside you, the steady beeping growing louder, faster, like it’s keeping time with the unease building in your chest. His eyes return to yours, sharp but not unkind, and for a moment, you see the exhaustion behind it.
“Your heart is deteriorating,” he says bluntly. “And we don’t know yet if it’s connected to your quirk use or something else entirely.”
“So… what does that mean?” you manage, your voice small, even to your own ears.
“It means,” he says, folding his arms and leaning back into the chair, “that you’re on borrowed time until we figure this out. You need to stop using your quirk—at least until we can stabilize you. If you don’t…” He pauses, his jaw tightening as if forcing himself to say it aloud. “If you don’t, the damage could become irreversible.”
"But what if—what if someone needs me? What if—”
“No.” His voice is firm, cutting through your protest. “You’re not a hero. Your job is to survive.”
His words hit like a slap, and you look down at your hands, twisting the thin blanket on your lap. “I’m fine. I just—I just overdid it. I need some rest, I’ll be fine.” you whisper.
“You’ve been out for a bit,” he says gently, “longer than typical for causes of exhaustion.” He pauses, his eyes searching yours for something—understanding, maybe, or a hint that you’re taking this seriously. Leaning forward slightly, his tone steadies, quieter but insistent. “I’m going to do everything I can to figure this out. I promise.”
There’s a flicker of something in his copper iris—determination or maybe worry; you can't decide which. “But I need you to help me, okay? That means no overexertion. No stress. No—”
His words falter mid-sentence as the door bursts open, slamming against the wall. Before you can process what’s happening, two familiar figures rush in like a whirlwind.
“You’re awake!” Rina cries, her voice cracking with a mix of relief and excitement. Airi’s right behind her, her eyes glistening, but she says nothing as she dives forward.
The next second, they’re both on you, arms wrapping tightly around your shoulders in a bear hug that nearly knocks the wind out of you.
“Careful!” the man protests, his voice sharp with concern as he jumps to his feet.
But Rina and Airi don’t seem to hear him—or, more likely, they don’t care. “Three weeks” Rina exclaims, her voice muffled against your shoulder. “Three weeks! Do you know how worried we were?!”
Airi sniffles, pulling back just enough to glare at you through watery eyes. “You’re never allowed to scare us like that again, got it?”
Your throat tightens, and the weight of their presence—of their relief, their worry, their sheer being here—makes your own eyes sting.
“I’m sorry,” you croak, your voice breaking.
Rina pulls back just enough to look at you, her brow furrowed in mock anger. “Damn right, you are.” Then she softens, a small, wobbly smile breaking through. “But I’m so glad you’re okay.”
Airi nods furiously, gripping your hand like she’ll never let go. “We thought…” Her voice wavers, and she doesn’t finish, but she doesn’t have to. The man clears his throat pointedly, and all three of you glance at him.
“As heartwarming as this is,” he says, his tone a mix of exasperation and understanding, “she’s still fragile. You can hug her later. For now, I need to finish up with this patient.”
Rina raises an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. “We are helping. Emotional support is part of healing.”
Airi nods, shooting him a defiant look. “Yeah. Don't act like we don't work here.”
He pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering something about patience, but doesn’t argue further. “Fine. But only if you let her rest after this.”
Rina and Airi exchange a glance, then reluctantly step back, though they don’t let go entirely. Their hands remain on the bed near you.
“She’s going to be okay, right?” Airi asks, her voice trembling as her wide eyes dart between you and the doctor. "They wouldn’t tell us anything about what happened. No one would."
“I’m fine,” you interject quickly, forcing a smile to steady her. “Turns out I just overdid it. Nothing serious, right, Kento?” You glance at him, searching for backup.
“That’s right.” Kento offers a polite smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “And, as you know, we’re not allowed to access employee medical records unless it's an assigned case.”
Rina crosses her arms, standing protectively beside Airi. “Doesn’t stop you from being all secretive, though,” she mutters, her tone carrying just enough edge to convey her frustration.
You shake your head gently. “It’s normal hospital procedure, Rina. He’s just following the rules. But thank you—really—for being here.” Your voice softens, gratitude seeping through. “It means a lot.”
Rina huffs but softens at your words. Before she can reply, Kento clears his throat. “Did you know your best friend here has months of vacation time saved up?” His casual tone carries a teasing edge, but his glance at you feels pointed. He's saying checkmate.
Your eyes snap to him, narrowing. If looks could kill, the room would be painted in red. “Oh, for the love of—”
“We have to take a girls’ trip!” Airi exclaims, the tension in her face finally breaking as a smile spreads across her lips. She practically bounces up and down, the previous look in her eyes replaced with excitement.
Vacation? You’ve never been one to take time off—not because you don’t need it, but because work has always been your anchor, your identity. The thought of being away feels like losing a part of yourself.
“Are you seriously taking time off?” Rina’s voice breaks through your spiraling thoughts.
You hesitate, caught between their hopeful expressions and the reality of your new schedule.
“Well…” You let your eyes wander around the room, grasping for a distraction, but even the nurse who had administered your medication earlier has slipped away unnoticed. “Maybe? I’m not sure yet.”
“You should,” Rina says firmly, her usual teasing tone gone. “If anyone deserves a break, it’s you.”
Airi nods, “You better actually rest this time, though. No sneaking out to answer emails or check on patients. I’ll hunt you down if I have to.”
You laugh again, but the sound feels thin, like glass stretched too far. “I promise,” you lie, knowing full well you’ll try to stay involved in any way you can.
As your friend's chatter on, their excitement filling the room, your doctor sighs in defeat and quietly excuses himself, promising to return later when they’re finished. You keep smiling, nodding along as if their energy is infectious, but inside, the fear twists like a knife. What if I can’t come back? What if this is the beginning of the end for me?
“Hey.” Rina shoves you softly, her tone lighter, almost teasing again. “You’ll be back before we know it. The place is already falling apart without you.”
You muster a grin, forcing it to feel natural. “Of course,” you reply, your voice steady despite the weight in your chest. “I’ll be back in no time.”
Author's Note: DON'T BE MAD AT ME. I promise you I am single handedly creating the most beautiful storyline of my career, but you need to let me cook!
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