#thats like. all im asking for. id be happy as can be like that. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sadpurpleblood · 1 year ago

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mental state progressing from one kinda sadness to another and idk if thats an improvement or not.

#urghghg all i do is vomit my mental problems into the internet void #kinda cringe ngl #cw vent #again #why cant i just deal with my problems and not disappoint people :(#thats like. all im asking for. id be happy as can be like that.#but nope. failure moment.

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year ago

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I'm surprised you haven't posted any Welcome home stuff recently! Honestly kinda makes me sad since I love your WH art and stuff

yea y'all are gonna have to be Patient w/ me bc

a) i have like. a week left to pack all of my stuff before i need to shove everything into a uhaul and leave, so its crunch time! leaving little to no energy/interest in anything else

b) to be honest my mental health is the worst its been in years - which is fine, its whatever, i can deal. it's not as bad as it could be and im handling it! like a champ, even! but also its leaving little to no energy/interest in anything else

c) had a minor crisis over my art and how i interact w/ WH, and i realized im not scribbling enough of what I want. ive mostly been trying to please people and do as asked and thats! not good! so i want to temper expectation & reassert that im Not a WH art blog - its just a hyperfixation / something i love rn. i draw what i enjoy & what i want in the moment.

#i picked up my tablet last night and all of my motivation died on the spot #so im just. eh whatever ill get back into the swing of things eventually #but yeah im spending my time packing & keeping myself afloat! not much room for other things at present!#rambles from the bog #but yeah i was starting to feel like a commodity of sorts?#like the majority of asks are just some form of 'can you draw this' 'draw this' 'id love it if youd draw this'#which is. fine. im an art blog! thats what i do!#but its also like hey. im just some guy doodling what they enjoy. im not a machine churning out content for consumption #& it gets to the point where there's so much expectation and obligation and 'demand'-#when do i ever sit down and truly indulge in what i want?#like the monster scribble i posted the other day! it made me so happy! i love monsters and Beasts!#when do i ever allow myself to draw them?#rarely bc i feel like people Expect puppets from me. and thats not a great feeling!#i love puppets i love wh and everything but i would like to enjoy it w/o pressure yk yk....#& for a second there i Was feeling the pressure and scribbling puppets was starting to feel like a chore #something i Needed to do to please people #so! im focusing on real life & taking a break from creation & keeping my mindset away from 'jump into traffic' thankyew <3 #theres just too much going on right now #in my head And outside of it.#so ill stick to packing & binging psych & i'll lovingly place everything else on the backburner

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phagodyke · 6 months ago

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oh wow just saw flatmate messaged saying another friend passed smth on like oh okay. I didn't realise he went too u didn't say. in fact none of u said anything to me so that's great

#he lives hours away thats a lot of travel just for drinks #when she asked me she said it was her + one other person. going out for drinks in evening.#but clearly she took the day off work bc ghosts dont do laundry. so it was a whole day trip. so why tell me it was just drinks #unless she just wanted a good excuse for me not to come. okay 👍#i cant even make myself mad abt it like fair enough man. i get it.#and if last weekend is anything to go off she probably wont ask me at all in the future #well as long as they have fun it doesnt matter i guess. im tired of feeling like im just intruding in everyones lives #and everyone fucking lying like what u say doesnt line up with how u act i can tell its not real im not that fucking stupid #ive dealt with this so many times before average autistic experience im tired of naively believing ppl and then the rug being pulled #sorry for being the way i am and for wanting things and for trying to take up space i give up its not worth it anyway #at least this is giving me smth to feel shit abt instead of just formless malaise. makes it easier to deal with that way #anyway. just need to get my shit enough together to leave the house by 3 so i can pick up this stuff for work #and i can do most of my other chores tmr so thats fine #i hate how much fucking time i waste feeling awful. no wonder other ppl have time to watch n read n create n whatever so much more than me #half of my fucking life is spent in my head trying and failing to emotionally regulate im so so sick of it #i wish i never had to think a single thought again and maybe id be happy #jesus fucking christ. well i need to leave my room soon bc i need to pee im not depressed enough to piss in a bucket just yet #hope i never get to that stage again amen uni was pretty fucking dire #.vent #hate weekends so fucking much what a waste of free time

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silverislander · 7 months ago

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people smarter than me have said this before but jesus christ why does every job seem to require at least a year of experience and a degree in some hyperspecific field. where did the entry level positions go? how am i even supposed to get experience if none of yall will give me a job without it?

#theres already almost nothing related to my field being offered but even the unrelated things that i think i could try are out bc of this #most of the stuff id actually care abt doing actually require 3-5+yrs! in a field that i cant get into without experience i cant get!#and people talk abt how 'nobody wants to work' i am BEGGING you for a job. literally begging (cover letters).#im coming to the horrifying realization that its possible Nothing i have done w my entire life matters. i have nothing useful #i really feel like i made a mistake. that cant be the best five years of my life i wasnt even happy during most of them #i applied to six jobs weeks ago and ive heard back from one of them and it was a rejection. and theres nothing else to apply to #my degree isnt helping and all of my hobbies are useless. why am i only good at/passionate abt arts. why not math or smth instead #i should have just done ece like i was planning to instead of my honours. what was even the point #and im watching other people in my year get great jobs right out of university. watching my BROTHER get offered work on a silver platter #hes 19 and got five different offers + didnt apply people just asked him to work for them. second year in a row this has happened #hes never had to work for minimum wage. hes always had a good job in his field lined up anytime he wants to work and it always pays well #and i finished five years and ive had to beg for everything ive ever gotten and its still not enough to count for anything #im proud of him but fuck it stings a little #levi.txt #vent tw #oh right i forgot i should just walk in and shake the managers hand. /right/. and they will simply give me a job on the spot bc of this #if people whove been working the same job since before 1990 dont fucking stop giving me bad advice istfg #and these same people say nepotism isnt real and in the same breath talk abt giving their nephew a summer job at their company #literally all i want is work i can be decent at that i care abt and making a living wage. it doesnt have to be fun i dont want to be rich #i just want to do an ok job feel like my work matters and make enough to start my life. thats all

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ace-with--a-mace · 9 months ago

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mr neils father pls compliment your son tell him he was amazing pls he was so good

#pls dont pull him out of school mr neils father pls im gonna throw up #MR PERRY WHAT DO U MEAN MAKE IT WORSE THAN IT IS #HE PULLED THE WINDOW UP HE COULDNT EVEN LET HIM SAY BYE TO HIS FRIENDS???#spooky liveblogs (kind of)#is that mrs perry mrs perry pls your son was happy on stage mr perry pls #he never asked his dad i knew it but id dirnt wanna believe it #AND BES WITHDRAWING HIM FROM SFHOKL I KNEW JT I DIDJT WANNA BELIEVE IT #MILITARY SCHOOL???? WHAT???#hes not gonna tell him its gonna go to shit im sick to my motherfreaking stomach poor neil #and he dies hes not dead yet but hes gonna die miserable #he was really good neil you were really good whole time i thought by some miracle mr perry liked the play #its not gonna be all alright bro #im shaking hes gonna kill himself i can feel it. i thought his death was a freak accident hes gonna end it #this is how it feels genuinely bro he killed himself with his fathers gun theres somethn poetic ab it #hes not alright your husband pushed him bro #thats todds roomate the dps leader oh my god bro i cant take it #i knew it was going to shit i didnt wanna believe it. the whole scene with the crown ans evrythint was beautiful #it was his father poor todd bro they were bffs he wouldnt have done it if his father wasnt like that #his father trapped him he freed himself with his father's weapon

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yelloworangesoda · 10 months ago

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omg that moment when u realize that your two closest (only?) friends dont think of you as nearly as close and youre only one of their 20+ friends and they. are each one of your 2 friends😀

#AUG HF. and like its mostly my fault bc i do not cultivate friendships. i hate texting so much. i like being alone. i dont talk about #my feelings to people and i dont start conversations about other peoples feelings. i dont ask to hang out with people. i #am not good at being a friend. but idk. i just kinda assumed bc we knew eachother for so long we were. all besties but theyre just friendly #people and i just went to school with them #and the thing is. like i know i could put in the work but i dont. want to. i want friends but not enough to put the effort in. so i kinda #have been relying on these two As My Friends bc im not going to be making new ones any time soon. maybe ever. idk. i thought we were close #shout out to my boyfriend he is also my friend. i know its bad to have ur only friend be your bf but um. its so easy #bc i can just put all my time and energy into him. and he loves me and i love him. so. um its easy. free social life. the one guy #idk i dont. like know any reason wed break up hes the best (my biggest fear is that itll be me but if i start thinking that ill. implode).#id feel stupid though saying this if we do break up. whatever thats for future me to deal with. im happy now!!!!!#ill deal with having 0 people in my life later if it ever comes to that #simons spouting #vent :(

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nerdie-faerie · 11 months ago

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Shout out to little brothers that always know exactly how to rile you up without even trying

#Demon Spawn #and a happy holidays to all!#ive been home two days 😭 fml #one of my oldest brothers ate the present he was giving another brother so he was gonna go to the shops to replace it after our family meal #i had to get presents afterwards too because i tried doing it yesterday and my mum argued with me about where i wanted to go dragged me to #other places until it was too late to get what i needed so i was like #oh me too just come with me he was like nah ill get dad to drop me home then cycle back down to town again and i was like ??? okaaay #anyway i finish my shopping and he calls me and asks me if actually i can get it for him im in heeled boots and the shop i wanted #was right next to the bus stop so i really did not want to go through the high street to the shop he wanted #as that would then mean id need to walk the half an hour uphill back home but i was like okay fine get to the shop and theyve sold out of it #since yesterday so i call him to tell him his options he doesnt answer so after i couple times i text him then carry on calling #i musta called him like 10 times and am about to leave when he finally calls me back only to tell me that actually he wont get him anything #and im like well what are you gonna do tomorrow then you were stressing about not having anything and hes like its fine so im like whatever #and head to the bus stop he then calls me back! asks me to get something anyway so im kinda pssed off with at this point but im not letting #another one of my brothers go without a christmas present if the rest of us have something thats just not fair so ill do it so i grab it get #home my feet are already blistered and i see ive got two texts from him telling me to tell him when im home so i text him ill be up in a sec #i take it up to him he looks at it - its exactly what he asked me to get!! - and hes like i dont need it ive got something else #and im like what!? all of that for nothing?? he did at least pay me back for it but fml

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minglana · 1 year ago

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idk what kind of stress im currently in that i cry just bc of the fact that its 12am and i can hear people speaking in the office next to my room

#maybe its the fact that the woman aggravates me so much #bc she follows /some/ of the dorm rules and she doesnt follow others #or maybe its just that things have changed so much around here that im no longer comfortable #or that /ive/ changed and im far too strict w everyone in general #or maybe that ive grown up way too used to quiet and i need my quiet time #and i cant even get ONE hour of silence in the day. not even at 1 or 2am anymore #that used to be my study hours bc thats when no one was awake in the dorms and there was complete quiet #but i cant even get that anymore bc apparently following rules is too 'hitlerian' and what do we care abt other ppl. right #and im not even talking abt myself! obviously im the one thats affected the most by it but theres like 20 other people on the same floor #that go to sleep EARLIER than the rest of us. and if you talk a LITTLE bit too loudly they can hear it too #but anyways the more i think about it and like. even if i had my required hours of quiet time. i dont think id be happy here anymore #what made me happy abt being here was having friends. and i dont have any anymore so whats the point right #actually i do (or did) have friends. but they dont seem to care that much abt me since they never even care to talk #even last yr they never asked me to sit w them or hang out w them. i always had to take everything into my own hands #and tbh that friend dynamic just doesnt rly do it for me. if you dont tell me that im allowed to do things. im simply not doing them.#as much as id like to.#ok i seem to have calmed down from crying now. i swearrrr im so done with everything. i think its seasonal depression #but im so close to wanting to end it all (as in everything. not just myself)#suicide mention #z xarre

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elegyofthemoon · 2 years ago

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In the cool, plush core of the moon sleeps a mouse as we speak, dreaming of a world lush and green, then golden and undulating, then chopping and churning, a world of many surfaces with skies of many moods.

When it awakes, it will poke its tiny head out of a crater and bask in your glow as it does every morning. Here, all is still and silent. On that sparkling planet in the deep black distance, the sun seems capricious. But the mouse lives in the abyss of the body and therefore with a unique perspective on its essence. The mouse sees what other life does not see.

One needn't worry about unbecoming for the sake of containing a sun. Clouds may blanket the atmosphere of a planet, but still there burns a sun. The spots on the sun's surface may grow and shrink and shift, but still there it burns. And if one decides to cool it down like a waning flame or expand it in a cataclysmic supernova, still there it burns, and one has the right to revoke the state of their existence and become new.

Because perhaps the truth is you are not the sun--not alone--but it is rather a part of you. Your body is the solar system, each planet a world within the body, and each knows this glow in different ways. Some are nurtured by its warmth, others by its distance. Regardless of the sun's changes, they stay the course encircling it.

The universe cannot be held back, harnessed, fully comprehended. It pulls at the seams of solar systems as it pulls on its own seams. In that unstoppable shifting, we stumble. Sometimes it feels like our love and light slips from our fingers, shattering irrevocably in our falls. But what makes us cannot be seperated from us, even in times where our essence is obscured.

There is always another life to appreciate your life, no matter what happens. And in the least, there is always a little mouse in you that understands you in telescopic clarity and offers forgiveness for every change--no matter what, right into the end of time.

❤

#answered #this was sitting in my inbox for a little while #and i wanted to answer properly but i fear that responding back is a little...hard #not that i dont want to its more like this was so prettily written and just so beautiful i fear if i responded id just ruin it lol #so im responding in the tags bc i feel better about doing that #i appreciate whoever decided to write all this up and leave it here for me it means a lot #more vent in the tag #not really vent but ig just reflective i suppose with the last week:#i think i may have actually talked about it before but you have no idea how happy i am with just. the people im surrounded with these days #because even if im going through something ill always push my feelings down in order to make someone else happy #because idc what happens to me overall. if i can make someone else happy thats all that matters #but ik a lot of people take advantage of it so when something bad happens when im unable to help someone they used to get mad at me for it #so more reasons to kinda push my feelings aside to cater to them etc etc etc #but i think the past week has been nice too in realizing that the people around me are patient and just overall kind -- not really expectin #much of me #ig theres this understanding that we all have busy lives now and maybe thats just the gift of maturity as a whole #even if im not the super positive or comforting presence people put me as at least people still care and thats how i know im loved at least #ig in a way this ramble is just a very big thank you to everyone for that #theres a lot of kindness and warmth in this ask that i appreciate and only want to spin back to friends. i hope they can feel it #or that it reaches them #anons #kind messages

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grandtheftpoptart · 2 years ago

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Babysat a 5, 3, 2 year-old and 10 month old for 6 hours. That's 1 kid per age group. I got a hot chocolate and 5$ for it

#and to spend quality time with the kids wherein they all battled for my attention and i missed work where i could take a break #loved that my mom used this as a 'and you want kids' moment #like shut the actually up?#because once i have kids i know ill have a surplus of support (for 1) and for 2 i wont be having them so close like thatt #it feels like everyone is against me having kids these days or at least turning it into a 'you cant handle it' or 'you have alterior motive #s'#one person said i was thinking abt my retirement plans #another asked if id like to travel first #and im kinda annoyed bc its always unwarrented shit too #like im not saying this to start an argument or to recieve your opinion on how me having kids is bad bc it doesnt aling w #what you want specifically like #if you cant imagine yourself havign kids thats great! be happy and live your life #but as soon as you start to hope i dont have them or question me abt why i want them etc it makes me feel crappy #the worst thing you can do is said somethign like 'i hope you don't because thats not something id want right now'#this isnt about you!#it's about me #or ill get the opposite reaction like 'so just have kids then rn' i have to consider the other person involved in the procreation #i want someone who wants a baby to be involved w me in that aspect rather than someone who is openly against it

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forehead451 · 2 months ago

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stream of consciousness type deal.

#people's experiences of you will be so drastically different from what you're like when relaxing/unmasking at home and they'll be shocked #when you live together and you thought you let them see what you were like normally except most of the time theyve seen you at home its an #Occassion™ so ofc im gonna be alert and jumping around and talkative bc theres a lot happening and im really happy theyre there #and i can be still. but once they see me day after day exhausted and overstimulated its different bc i am different #i dont feel like i am but i am #and if they dont believe when you explain whats happening then shit hits the fan #for a while i did not understand why they were getting so mad at me at dinner #the other people there understand how i can be foggy or overstimulated and just need to eat and im happy to be there i just need to not look #at anyone or say much and im dizzy from working all day. i need to mash for a bit all ill be good. theyve been generous to take me as honest #when i tell them what im doing.#but a person who is not used to seeing me that way will start thinking im rolling my eyes at whats being said when im actually staring into #space or trying to refocus or trying to get my body to stay in itself instead of drifting off and they think im quietly judging and ik like #im so sorry but fr im not even listening to the group conversation and im not thinking anything negative about you im just gathering my body #i SWEAR. also its agreed that i take part in a group meal instead of isolating with my food bc i need to eat right now too #now that ive stopped working and im going to go back to working after this meal so. this is what i have to do. it is understood and you're #somewhat new to being here on a daily basis but I'm serious i just have to do this and im not being shady im just Something™#(aka exhausted/overstimulated/neurodivergent.) but when i get up with the gathered dishes without making eye contact im automatically angry #and im judgemental and manipulative and trying to control everyone's mood by making my problems everyone's problems with my sighing and eye #rolling. im like. again im not rolling my eyes im trying to focus my eyes. and im not sighing at whats being said im letting out the breath #i realized ive been holding bc im holding myself back from an anxiety rollercoaster drop bc im very overstimulated rn and i was asked to be #here to share meals and deal with it in front of everyone and you arent understanding that id be doing the same thing in private #nothing's WRONG im just OVERSTIMULATED RN and im pulling my body back and im not thinking anything about ANYONE in this room but im starting #to NOW bc you keep assigning meaning where ive told you repeatedly theres none and i get why you're interpreting it this way but i promise #thats not what im doing and your reasons for why im doing it are not accurate.

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sereniv · 2 months ago

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someone did argue with me on slave labor chocolate

they said that their hershey bar is what stops them from killing themselves or something.

which i have no way to prove they are lying,

but they still got mad when i said that that falls under "your individual necessity" and therefor is fine

so :/

Anti vegans are so weird like who else do you have beef with, people who don't buy slave labor chocolate? little kids who tell you it's bad to litter? cyclists? people who are passionate about recycling?

#like thats the thing #if youre mad even though we tell you that you dont have to feel bad for the things you need- then what are you mad at?#could it be that youre not telling the whole truth? either to us or to yourself?#when i tell people that the quinoa thing was debunked and is actually good to buy it (not that vegans are the largest consumer)#they dont act relieved. they act as if they are angry that there arent slaves or that they are mad that people arent being opressed #and the only reason that is is because they know they arent doing their best #why else would one get mad when told 'if youre already doing what you can then thats all anyone can ask of you' ?#'i cant do anymore than i am' 'thats fine. you can still be vegan as long as you are trying to avoid unecessary exploitation'#'im angry that you validated my experiences and accept what im telling you at face value' like do you see what i mean? its suspicious #and like i get it. its hard to accept you are participating in things like this. but you need to accept it. and you either change #or you need to be ok with not putting in any effort you can afford to do #otherwise youre just lying to people and yourself to protect corporations who dont care about you #most vegans werent born vegan. we had to grapple with the same shit. i didnt want to go vegan and i didnt want to learn about it bc i knew #that id change. i KNEW me. i could already subconsciously tell. and i didnt know what life would be like once i was aware #or at the time 'woke'. i wanted to not know bc i enjoyed eating meat. but i am SO fucking happy i did #and im happy when i do this with anything. to learn and grow even if its hard. and every actual vegan has said #and i agree that we wish we did it sooner. just as i wish i learned about dog whistles and prejudices and the lies being told sooner.#its frustrating but i cant totally hate ppl for it #though thats non vegans. anti vegans idc. fuck em. those are people who purposely it a personality to hate vegans and spread lies #non vegans are just normal people and are fine. anti vegans are trolls and not ppl i make time for. bc they arent there to listen and learn #just fight.

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lovecrazedpup · 1 year ago

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im gonna die

#having a small meltdown bc i broke something that is like . technically his and im going to kill myself #idk what happened it just stopped working im going to cry i feel so so so bad #like im going to cut over this bc i feel so awful but i wanna hear his voice but hes busy and i just cant #its so embarrassing if i go ‘hi can you call me or im going to cut myself’ bc thats so guilt trippy but thats literally the truth #bc its gonna be a 20 minute response for a ‘no’#what is wrong with me #i just want to hear him say ‘its okay baby’ like thats literally all i need but idk how to ask for it #i wish i was normal and happy so maybe id feel ok with having panic attacks and small breakdowns and needing him specifically but #its so often that im sure its annoying #idk im feeling better now bc i ordered the new headphones with the last of my money so he wont know but its just . yeah #im so dumb #i hope he starts hating me bc god i am such a handful im not worth it #jamie.txt

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landoughnut · 1 month ago

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My Woman

♡ masterlist - request!

♡ pairing - max verstappen x fem!reader (fc - cindy kimberly)

♡ summary - max fighting with people thirsting in his girlfriends comments

♡ warnings - horny/simp max, crack, some fluff, some cursing, use of y/n

♡ w/c & a/n - smau | i actually love writing these ones but ive gotta learn how to do the other types of smau's people make with twitter and stuff ahahahaha

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roses-n-rads · 1 year ago

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so i have my new phone and im very happy with it and yeah

#my dad said i mightve gotten a virus but like i factory reset my other phone and that did not help so i think it just got damaged under #the screen but like id had that phone for like 3 years so im happy i used it that long #sometimes in the past ive bought a new phone every year so holding onto that phone for at least 2 years was an accomplishment #anyway im happy with things for now #i see my parents this afternoon and pick up groceries and then tomorrow im cleaning a bunch #my landlords have insurance accessors coming on tues so thankfully i have mon off of work so thats all im doin mon #ritalks #im hoping my mom can come mon evening just to help me make sure everythings tidy and maybe toss hoarded clutter #i tend to collect clutter and having my mom go through things w me asking do i need this helps me minimalize and feel idk more mentally #stable or something lol like clutter just fucks w me mentally so tossing shit i dont need it good or i get stuck #i came home from my sisters wedding and left my suitcase in the kitchen and kinda fucked myself over bc its clutter and its made me #mentally stuck in clutter or whatever #tbh the suitcase is still in the kitchen but ive worked around it a bit #tbh picking the case up would really make things easier but it would mean bending over and really i just need to drag it to the living #room and unpack it on carpet #anyway im rambling lol ignore me

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yosh-iro · 2 years ago

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just realizing my hearing can be summed up as having a fucking nasa computer for hardware but only ever using it to play that vid of a spinning rat with a compressed version of free bird in the background

#making that comparison cuz i literally just bought a $2k desktop after my laptop shit itself and im now watching that exact video #anyways the context for this is that while my hearing capability is much better than average for my age #i have an auditory processing disorder that makes it so my actual ability to hear is dogshit majority of the time #like i can hear really high pitched things (up to 20khz still even on low volume)#but for example speech is something thats hard for me to understand sometimes because it somehow gets garbled in my brain #which i think is why i dont have a hard time with accents since im so used to needing to unscramble whatever the hell i just heard anyways #or like how i cant tell music intervals apart despite taking/being in music for like 80% of my life #i was so happy when my band teacher let me see his hands when i did the interval part of my theory final last spring #cuz i know the difference when looking at it but hearing it i cant tell the difference between a minor 3rd and a major 6th or anything #and its not a lack of practice seeing as id been doing that shit specifically for almost 8 years at that point and hadnt gotten any better #i think he realized there was no way i would pass that part normally cuz he had been helping me with interval training for a while #i could play whichever one when asked to but couldnt tell them apart audibly when i tried to #pretty sure the highest i ever got on an interval test outside of my theory final was like 60% cuz i had to basically guess all of them #even with just single notes i find it hard to tell them apart unless its a G or C #G cuz i was a emo shit in jr high and C cuz that note haunts me in my fucking sleep since i stopped piano lessons like 8ish years ago #anyways yeah welcome to tumblr where i feel its not too abnormal to have somebodys life story in the tags section as context for a joke lol #or maybe im in the minority and most people dont actually do this but i just happen to see a lot of posts that do :p #and now this is very off topic lmfao #yoshi talk

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