closing ko-fi requests ):
I'm honestly so sad abt doing this after all these years but I've gotta close ko-fi requests 😔 I really can't justify the time I spend on them against the amount I earn on them ): it's been fine before but as I'm goin into my last year of uni I need to get a better balance between uni work and art-money work. on this, commissions are getting an overhaul in the coming weeks bc I know I'm super undercharging lmao which I can't keep up, bc again, I've gotta try not to fail my degree while also making sure art is a viable side hustle loll.
I may open kofi reqs again when I've got more time (or failing that make them a part of kofi memberships at some point)!!! but for now rip kofi reqs ): (my kofi will obvs stay open for support and -- if you want smthn back for ur support -- kofi membership early access!!)
HOWEVER in better news with my commissions overhaul I'm gonna be opening a new, cheaper type of commission so hopefully that'll be a nice balance for everyone!
got one last request to finish and it's a big'un so should be a nice sendoff to kofi requests!! hopefully done by tomorrow
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It wasn't the most heated or grandiosely romantic gesture, but it was a display of his affection nonetheless. Laying there with her, he propped his forehead against hers and let out a soft, content sigh. "Love ya, moon." ( mammon )
@xamassed
Her mother always said that whoever will be able to witness her true self will not see the sun but will see the moon. It was a strange conversation a mother, and a daughter had when speaking about love, belonging, and truth. The only beauty of the brightest purity Zarina believed in was love, and love only. The love of her family, the love she saw between Margarita and Victor, and the love she now experienced with Mammon by her side.
Cold and distant, she always sought out a way to connect and to remain warm by someone else's side because her own moonlit visage was never seen and it couldn't be warmed up by those who only saw the fake sun. Akin to fake saints and fake blessed, Sokolova became what others wanted to survive and to prosper, but not many ever witnessed the reality. The one who truly loves her will see the Moon behind the Sun's glow.
The young Zarina dreamed that someone will someday call her this. She knew she had to be the Sun to be successful and to bring people to her, but she yearned for someone to [see] her, to [know] her, and to [stay] after learning. Said young self was closed off behind iron walls of reality, struggle, and endless fighting to remain at the top of the food chain within the Human World. But she wasn't like that in the Devildom. There was another struggle that she needed to defend herself against, but right now? Right now, she was happy; she felt safe, and her heart yearned for the presence of the Avatar of Greed by her side. Her Mammon, her first demon, her beloved, her one and only.
To many, relaxing together like this would not scream of heat or high romantics, but it was intimate. In its own special way, it was intimate. The closeness was pleasant; it was always welcomed. Clinginess wasn't unwelcome in these moments when they could finally rest and relax together after a busy day. Not only that, but Zarina simply enjoyed getting all of Mammon's attention for herself as much as he seemed to want her attention during the day. Mammon's fluffy white hair, his hands resting on her waist, his eyes shining with such warmth that made Sokolova's once-frigid heart melt beneath his gaze. Was it too selfish that she wanted this to never end? Was it selfish that she wanted everything he had to want her and to want to remain by her side? Because she yearned, she longed, and she desired. He always said that she'd get anything she wanted if she put her mind to it, but it was different with him. He was cared for, he was adored, and he was special.
Oh... he was truly special...
Love ya, moon.
Had Mammon ever hear her breath hitch? Had Mammon ever see this kind of look flicker in her golden gaze? Had Mammon ever witnessed the blood rush to her cheeks like it did then?
He must've been so startled by the way she would put a small distance between them when he got closer just because she couldn't believe what she just heard. Her heartbeat increased rapidly, she could feel it in her temples and in her head. The pumping of the blood increased, but her gaze was all too tuned in on the very demon who she loved with her whole heart. He never called her that. It was always 'treasure' and 'babe' or something else, but never the 'moon.' The significance of this one nickname wasn't known to many people, if any at all. She never shared it. She didn't thinks he did. Or did she when they both got drunk out of their mind and she probably spoke a bit about her past? It could've happened. It could, she only got that wasted by his side because they were celebrating. Or maybe he just knew. Mammon seemed to sense her state far better than anyone.
No, it wasn't important...! What was important was that he said what her younger self yearned for... so strongly and so vulnerably.
Ages went by, she never expected anyone to truly willingly tell her that. It could be based on how she spoke about 'pretending' and 'acting.' Mammon was...beyond spectacular. No matter the timeline and no matter the century, he'd be the only one who'd be so close to her heart and who'd have her heart. If reincarnation existed, she knew her heart will always seek him out. There's no one else who could have every bit of her soul without even a need to ask. It belonged to him... and now there was no going back from it.
"How did you know?" Zarina whispers, cups his face with her hands tenderly and her golden gaze shines with a newfound emotion of devotion. Or are those tears that are threatening to spill? Her younger self cries within her, screaming that finally someone sees, someone knows, someone stays. It's just a nickname, it could've been a damn mistake or an accident, but it's all that matters. It came from him, from Mammon. From her dearest and her most beloved. Now he'll never get rid of her. Now he'll never be able to make her stop loving him. No matter the age, the century, the life, the death, anything. "You are... the one I searched for and dreamed about," she suddenly says, lips trembling as she feels her chest tighten, yet she looks at him as if he hung the moon. "Do you know what my mother told me when I was young and felt the loneliest? She said the person who'll see the real me and still love me will call me the Moon... And you just did. You just did." The end of her sentence becomes softer as she presses her lips together to hold back a sob, her cheeks are of the prettiest shade of pink and her golden gaze is sparkling like never before (aside from when confession rang through the air and their love became mutual).
She stifled a sob before cutting the space between them with one fluid move to be closer to him, to wrap her arms around him and hide her face from him just for a moment in the crook of his neck. She trembled slightly, holding back the years of yearning and hoping and almost giving it all up. He's already made her dream come true, but this? This was a significance to the young and weak Zarina, a girl who wanted to be loved and seen for who she was. This stubborn, selfish, greedy, and ambitious girl who was colder than the winter's night to all but her family and who struggled with experiencing emotions that suddenly bloomed around the Avatar of Greed. He was her spring, he was her sun, he was her life and he was the first blossom.
"I love you, I love you so much. Thank you for staying, thank you for seeing and still accepting me. Thank you, Mammon. Let me stay by your side for as long as time lets me." She doesn't want to lose him, she doesn't want to live without his presence, she doesn't want to lose this warmth. She found him and he found her. There will never be anyone else who her heart will respond so strongly to. Her soul, too, shined far brighter than any diamond in this very moment. "I love you, Mammon, my Sun. I found you."
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