#thats a joke i was deaf in one ear when i was younger

[softshuji]

are you ever listening to music in headphones and even on 100%volume it still isn't loud enough and drowning every other noise out like hello? i need to feel it in my fuckin stomach i need to be drowning in the sound i need to eat the song thanks

[silvervinewine]

Hii! I saw ur reqs are open!! :D if its ok can I request dottore (+segments) relationship hcs?

DOTTORE (+SEGMENTS) RELATIONSHIP HC

introductions were short and brief, a simple hello before you got to work alongside him, or the multiple hims. (very confusing to digest at the very start)

an assistant, supposedly an easy job for just about anyone. but it isnt just anyone youre working for, its a harbinger and his multiple freaky clones, come on !

being dragged off to help fairly younger versions of him with their experiments of dubious ethical values, being careful as to do your best.

one wrong move and youll end up in the cleaners, great job prospect for you !! surprisingly enough though, they accept you in their circle.

compared to the older versions of him, the younger segments are less guarded... and more carefree. you joke around with em, you bring them gifts and they happily accept em.

you talk to em and slowly but surely they start revealin parts of their history. fast movin experiments, considerable murders and lotsa studying within the academiya was what they told you about.

you accepted them for them with a little hesistance, but still do. and to their delight (?), not very clear they come to seek for you. yearn is silent within all dotttore variants, but mutual respect becomes one sided puppy love.

dumb crushes and the ruse they put up, being in love.. they did not realize you were also a scholar, one with a little more sense of social awareness. soon enough you cracked open their supposedly top secret plot.

their eagerness and surprising acceptance leads you to work with some of the older clones. a challenging next step for you.

blunt and close guarded, thats whats you came to know the few late adult clones as.

engaging in conversation which would lead to laughter and giggles with the young adult variants quickly fell on deaf ears.

you became used to ignoring and being ignored, and you came to miss the younger guys, repeatedly seeking them out.

using your lunch break to talk to the younger bunch, some of them really liked you some of then merely respected you and that was normal within their little society.

talking and lunching, before being found out by the superiors. it was your lunch break, you were mortal and you needed to eat but the segments didnt.

fighting back and through persuasive means you managed to lure a few older clones, little by little.

sweet dinners lit by the firelight and you were able to seduce a couple of older clones into talking, they told you about their plights and you listened.

touchstarved and unloved were the segments, and you could change that. you could. brushing hands and sitting a little closer before ultimately hugging them.

definetly the begginning of the end, and in little to no time did you have an older segment in your lap resting while you ran your fingers across their hair.

then there were two, then three segments, then four, and eight and more. all competing for affection, all yearnin for something they hadnt experienced.

one day IL DOTTORE stepped in though, the real deal, the doctor.

heard of all the talk from within the grapevine, a distraction and there could be no distractions for the segments.

they were an extension of him, carefully crafted to do their individual jobs. careful workers, guarded and alone. a part of his conciousness, and he knew he was indeed guarded and he had no need for any romantic nuisances around.

stepping into a room to find upwards of 4 segments all curled around you as you read a story. this was not bound to happen, not bound to when they needed to work.

he shooes them away, brushing them off before demanding you at once worked directly with him. whisking you away to a far away laboratory.

the doctor himself was cold, cold and harsh with everyone around him. yet with careful consideration, you managed to find the man within him.

soft bribes with the best pastries and careful hugs and caresses and he was under your spell, geez did he come to love you.

you promised him you would stay by his side, keep him company and suddenly a good part of his years looked better than before.

a gruff man, he knew himself to be cold and calculated but you threw him haywire somehow. he didnt know what could be.

until he did, he came to realize you loved him and from there on he didnt let go.

one step at a time, and slowly but surely you entered a state of relationship. a state of pure lovesick bliss.

whether it was romantic dinner dates or soft picnics, he loved it.

he came to tell you bits n pieces of his past and you held him all throughout, holding his face and kissing it gently much to his dismay (pleasure actually, but he wouldnt ever admit that).

as long as you were beside him, he was down.

you loved him and he loved you, and that was a given. even though he was cold and a bit egocentric, he still loved you n only you.

(A/N not proof read or spelling checked or grammae checked, sorey if this isnt what you qanted kinda went off the deep end geez )

[golbrocklovely]

Nobody cares about Sam the way they do Colby, they can pretend to but they don’t. Thats the answer to Colby getting shitted on for any little thing while Sam sometimes does stuff to get people talking and they don’t . Sam subtweets,throws shade at times towards Colby,Kat and other influencers and no one bats an eye.They pretend they don’t see his comments and all the man has to do is delete and not answer anyone that comes at him. He talks about the most disconnected, privileged stuff, some reply and it lands on deaf ears because he doesn’t react and keeps going like no one said anything. He’s blocked people on twitter recently because they brought up his hairline and his flakiness and although those people spoke out, no one cared. Colby has proven time and time again that what people say gets to him, and the bad thing is he responds to it so that feeds the haters and fuels the fire. Its like they get a rise out of getting a reaction from him. As long he keeps feeding into it, they will use anything against him to get a reaction out if him. Its a sick game.

i have a bit of a controversial opinion about sam's fans that i'm gonna save for a later date bc highkey i don't feel like getting into it rn lol

but as for what you said, i think to some degree there are a lot of fans that see sam as this sage, older brother so they listen to him but don't actually take in what he's saying. i think a lot of that has to do with fans being younger and or less experienced in life. so they hear what he's got to say and agree with him outright bc to them he's lived more life. he's more successful and has done more than them so why not listen to him?

but then some of us older/more experienced fans look at what he says and just kinda… blink at it. like, yeah i guess what you said can be true, but that's also not how most ppl's lives work.

i also believe that sam comes across as calm, cool, and collected emotionally and generally. so fans that don't feel that way about themselves think "oh i have to listen to him bc i want to be like that myself." when in reality, sam is a workaholic, emotional mess who's scared of losing his youth but pretends to know what he's doing and constantly works to the bone bc he can't be stagnant long enough to be left alone with his emotions/thoughts.

he's good at hiding all that, for the most part. but if you read between the lines, even for a second, you see the seams falling apart.

i also think you are right about why ppl hate on colby more; colby tries his best to apologize. he interacts with those that hate him, and that in itself garners more haters. they want a reaction and they know they can get one from colby. sam, bc either a) he doesn't care enough to interact or b) doesn't think he did anything wrong, ignores those that send hate his way. he doesn't apologize, he doesn't hash it out. he just says what he wants, and if ppl hate it, he deletes it and never brings it up again. now, idk if that's any better than what colby does, but it definitely works in sam's favor. bc half of the shit colby has been called out for, sam has ALSO done. but bc he doesn't try to fix it or be apologetic, no one remembers it.

as for sam blocking fans, i wish snc would block more of them tbh. some fans go too far, regardless of if they were just trying to be playful or silly or whatever. some say mean shit, so they deserve a block. you don't get to go on a public platform, @ your favorite creators and say mean shit to them and think you can get off scot-free. you ain't besties with them. they don't KNOW YOU. so what you think is a joke just comes across as hate.

and for all the things to yell at sam for, making fun of his hairline (which is something he has made apparent is a sore spot for him) is fucked. to said fans that did that, you deserve the block.

[paintmearainbow]

What Is Love ?

Love.

Love means different things to different people. Some people say love is making your partner happy and seeing them happy makes you happy . But love, is actually a figment of our imaginations. In a way, love is selfish and makes us lose our independence. You make the other person happy to keep yourself happy, and you become dependent and vulnerable. It's a somewhat like a shared dream. And until one person decides to wakeup, and that dream, albeit fun while it lasted, becomes a living nightmare

1 YEAR AGO

For Harry and y/n; sneaking out of premiers and award shows,buying tacos and eating them at 3 AM was love. For them, love was dancing in the kitchen to Elvis and baking with each other. Love was watching horror movies in makeshift tents, snacking on caramel popcorns and cans of soda; all while making fun of Harry's "those dumb bitches" in the movie. Love was falling asleep in each others arms and reading each other books. It was dressing up as Disney characters and acting out scenes from their favourite animations. It was etheral, perfect. Almost too perfect too be true

People always said "Love will fizzle out. One of you will get bored." Harry and y/n didn't listen. They burned so fast, so bright and didn't realise that their spark too, like all blazed and sparks from lighted matches, had extinguished. One second it was burning so brightly, and the next, it was gone

..............................................................................................

"When was the last time you spoke to him ?" asked y/n's sister.

" A week ago" a distraught y/n replied. "He barely has time to even talk to me on the phone, let alone show me the sights and explore the places with him via facetime"

For a brief moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes and all the memories flashed through her eyes, like a movie roll, playing over and over agai

FLASHBACK

"Y/N !" exclaimed Harry, the golden flecks in his eyes dancing with joy. Oh how she longed to see him, feel him and be with him in real life , rather than on a screen. Yet she was eternally grateful for Harry for never making her feel left out from the tour experience, he always made sure to show her around, even if it was only on a screen, while giving tour guide commentary in a horribly fake American accent.

"You're in for a treat ! We're going to see the Louvre today. Come on an enjoy the sited with Harry's Tour Experiences"

Y/n couldn't stop laughing.

Being an art fanatic, she giving Harry detailed descriptions of the art, while all he did was turn it inti a joke. His put on accent stood out when he kept saying " Oh shucks ! Here's another painting of a few women and men fighting and eating." He termed an entire style of art; renaissance art as "men and women barely dressed fighting and eating". He made a few sly comments on how y/n would look lovely in that dress. It was so wonderful and each of these virtual trips was marked with his signature end. Going to a park, and eating the same food.

His laughter was contagious and y/n loved it. She wondered how she got so lucky, so blessed to have hazza in her life.

She never thought that this love, would eventually fizzle.

end of flashback

Now she was lucky if he spoke to her for 5 minutes. Even those 5 minutes were filled with her talking and him showing least interest in what she had to say. She doubted whether he even listened.

Today, however was a low blow. It was y/n' bday. had it been any other year. Harry would've made this day perfect. They had been together since they were 18. The first year, he bought her 18 gifts on her birthday. The subsequent year, he got her 19 and so on. He would make her breakfast in bed and wake her up with showers of kisses and a "Good Morning, Happy Birthday Darling."

Today however, at 7 PM , she was yet to have him acknowledge that it was her birthday. She was yet to have any sign of news from him at all. She illusioned herself, thinking that maybe he had interviews to attend.

Her sister, however, tired with y/n's moping, said" You're coming over with your friends to Club 22 this night or else I wont speak to you. I don't want you to spend your birthday moping around"

With great difficulty, y/n was persuaded by her friends to go clubbing. The loud music, the drinks and the dim lights were never y/n's scene. Yet, for the sake of her friends, she fixed up a smile on her face and tried to enjoy, trying her best to forget than Harry's call still hadn't come.

.......

It was 10 PM and the party was in full swing. y/n's friends were drunk, so drunk. Everyone around her was laughing, drinking and joking. Meanwhile, a new disturbing thought had settled in y/n's head. What if he got into and accident ? What if he's really sick ? She was ridden with anxiety and couldn't get Harry off her mind, until that one fateful message from Nezza, her best friend, Harry's PA, through whom they had met, sent her that message. When y/n's phone lit up and she scarmbled to see the text, hoping it was Harry, she did not know it would change her life permanently.

The text was simple. "I'm so so sorry honey; you deserve to know" It was attached with a single file of pictures.

She subconciously knew what had happened. She had seen all the signs, yet chose to ignore them, not wanting to get up from her dream. The reduced duration of phone calls ultimately leading up to a call a month, the regular excuses, coming home late, half hearted kisses, they all added up. For a split second, y/n wanted to think that it was something else; maybe harry was too drunk or had passed out in a bar.

The message to forever to download. It was so slow and painfully excruciating. It was like the calm before the storm. The slow before the fast. The light drizzle before the thunderstorm. When the picture finally loaded; her heart shattered ever so fast. The pain she felt was numbing, yet somewhere in her mind, she was gald that Harry was safe.

There was Harry, his arm around the small waist of the redhead, his fingers entwined in hers. The same fingers which ran through y/n's hair multiple times, were now woven in another's hand. She thought her heart couldnt break more.

Fate was not kind to y/n.

She swiped to see the next picture, and she wasn't sure how, or whether it was even possible, but her heart further broke. Harry was kissing her in the booth, their booth, in Alessandro's the place he had her first date with y/n.

Fate had evil plans for y/n.

Tears streaming down her face, the makeup for the night ruined, y/n looked around for her sister and friends but they were nowhere to be seen. The only thing glowing right now was her glitzy dress, the one she had been forced into. Unable to take it anymore, she ordered an uber and left.

Fate wasn't kind to y/n at all

The minute she left the club, she was blinded with lights, the flashes from the camera, and the shouts from the reporters

" How do you feel about Harry cheating on you on tour ?"

"Did you expect this ? How do you react to Harry kissing a supermodel, younger than you!"

Y/n wanted to scream, but keeping her emotions in she pushed through the sea of people, got into her uber, gave her address and broke down.

She cried and cried. The uber driver tried to ask her what was wrong but she couldn't stop crying. she wanted the pain to go away. she wanted to cry. But most of all, she wanted Harry to tell her that it wasn't true and hold her in his arms and tell her it's alright.

But it wasn't. it wasn't alright. Far from it.

The next morning after an extremly broken sleep, y/n awoke. All the event's from last night wre remembered and her eyes started to water again. She switched on her phone to see the hashtag #y/ndeservesbetter and #harryandy/nareover trending. She also so 100 missed calls, voicemails and texts from Harry but chose to ignore them.

Y/n was raised to be strong. She spent most of childhood see her mom struggle to make meets end. She had seen the worst. She was strong. She went over to the mirror and saw her reflection and realised that she looked a mess. She took 3 deep breaths, washed her face, and masked her emotions, just as she did way back in high school, before she met Harry, before he changed her.

She went down and suddenly the apartment door opened. There stood the man who she loved, the man who had broken her heart, the one who still held her heart, no matter how broken it was.

He pleaded with her to forgive him. He begged, cried, said it was a one time mistake, and he regretted it, that he loved her; but y/n turned a deaf ear to his pleas. Their love had fizzled out, and she was blinded by affection not to realise it earlier. And as the saying goes " Once a cheater, always a cheater." Y/n wasn't taking any more risks. She put on a strong facade, made up her mind and left, leaving a crying Harry on the porch.

She wasn't over him, far from it. She was so broken, yet showed no signs. She had calm expresssion, yet her thoughts were chaotic. But she knew what was best and she knew this was the right thing to do. She had to take the lessons from this experience and move on, just like her mother had taught her. Dreams end, no matter how amazing it is, no matter how much you want to hold on and live it, and this, her perfect dream, had also come to an end.

So, what is love ?

A dream ? A nightmare ? Soemthing too good to be true?

Maybe all it is, is an illusion. A fairytale. Or maybe it is the truth, because truth teaches us lessons and so does love. i guess it's one of those things which just has no answers.

author's note

AND THATS A WRAP. I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING. it's something which definitely shouldnt be forgive . this the first ever imagine I've posted on my new tumblr. Please send feedback. Hope you enjoyed it. Reblog. What are your thoughts? i would love to hear them. Send requests for more imagines.

i should be studying but eh.

keep dreaming

ashu.

(here's a random B99 gif for no reason)

[vaultsixtynine]

gender post ://

mostly i feel like a lot of my feelings about my gender are entirely invalid because they arent like. i dont know. punk enough. thats joking, slightly, but also. im literally just leaning into Being Female because it gives me even a Modicum of self-worth. lmao! i Know its pathetic!

to elaborate: ive been overweight for most of my life, jsut a bit when i was younger, but then increasingly so as i aged and certain factors began to contribute more heavily

also a lot of my facial features combined with my weight and my relationship with gender as a kid (embarassed to be a girl / Not Like Other Girls) - and thus my outward presentation - made a lot of people read me as being A Boy when i was younger, even when i didn't want to be read as one

like i wanted to be Special and not Silly like other girls, but i still didn't really want to be read as A Boy. being a boy would mean that i was exactly like a lot of people i disliked at the time (ie, boys at school), so i would always get deeply upset when people would read me as a boy, even when i was dressing as a tomboy for years. i felt like if i was naturally more pretty than i Actually Was, then maybe people would realize i was a girl. but i still hated pink and i didn't want to wear Girly Things.

then puberty and so on happened, and i realized after a bit that i have PCOS (my mother does as well). the most feminine thing about me all through my teen years were my breasts, which are Not Small, and i often was irritated with their existence bc i didn't get along with my mother and all of her attempts to give me advice on more traditionally feminine things fell on deaf ears

i still mostly looked like a boy, had a fairly proportionally fat body, and didn't feel comfortable looking like A Girl because i didnt feel like i was actually pretty enough or good enough to be one, and was only barely shedding a lot of my internalized misogyny. but i still didn't want to be read as a boy. i had no concept of anything outside of the gender binary and my lack of ability to present as Female but my extreme dislike for being read as Male just made me angrier and more insecure as time went on

and for the most part i still feel that way. i started actually loving women as a concept and peeling back a lot of my internalized misogyny only a few yrs before i started college, and that changed how i Present Myself and also how i feel about other women, but not really how i feel about my own relationship with gender. i wear my hair long and use makeup and try to participate in femininity because it makes me feel like i'm actually good looking enough to Participate in a gender. without these trappings, i'm still overweight and struggling with self image, and PCOS makes me feel even more of a nasty gremlin in my own skin, with 'male' traits i Do Not Want. i'm never going to be beautiful so i just settle for passing as vaguely woman-shaped, because my brain will start losing its mind about how ugly i am if i don't. and like, is that healthy? are there underlying issues? do i really know how i feel about being a woman, truly, and have i fully processed how a lot of shit in my childhood has damaged my conception of gender and also my ability to feel Comfortable with gender? sure!

is it pathetic that i cling to femininity because at least appealing to someone (anyone) sexually or even just aesthetically (by operating within the bounds of accepted female traits) means i'm not entirely worthless? do i need therapy? probably also yes!

i wish there was a way to like. express that you want to be read as female and were afab but are also (due to various factors) so Constantly and Deeply unsure about that. so insecure and worried. trying so hard to love other women of all types but not feeling like enough of a woman to be read as one yourself. concerned about what that Means, both for your own self-image and also what you've internalized about womanhood.

i have such an immense set of double standards for myself and i'm just so extremely tired of seeing my own face and recoiling. of thinking that the gender that ive been referred to by for my whole life (except by people who thought i was a boy, which happened constantly until i was like 16) can feel so alien and unattainable and Not For Me

like maybe i shouldn't be trying so hard because gender is fake actually. but i need something to reach for, or i'm Just Ugly Forever, not really good enough to be anything at all